#i cant progress in cleaning over the weekend

[brw]

oh the misery.

[lokislastlove]

In Memoriam (Dark! Steve, Bucky & Sam x Reader) 2

Summary: After the death of your grandmother you make a trip to visit her old estate, and you discover it may be more trouble than it’s worth.

Warnings: Noncon/Rape, ghosts, smut, bondage, thigh riding, spanking, rough sex, oral sex, over stimulation, mentions of death, allusions of abuse. 18+ only peeps, it’s obviously dark.

Notes: well this started as a tiny idea for @charmed-asylum ‘s bingo challenge! (Congrats, love. You’re amazing!) and it kinda spiraled into this craziness. Also there is a surprise guest, but I don’t feel like giving it away so… hope you enjoy! ❤️

Chapter 2:

“You’re out in the woods… alone… in a big haunted house?” Your friend’s voice deadpans through the speaker as you scrape the curling wallpaper.

“It’s not haunted,” you laugh.

“You have already texted me like five times about hearing noises! What do you mean it’s not haunted? Didn’t you just tell me your grandfather died there?”

“Well yeah, but…” you huff.

“Then I rest my case. You should just leave it. Sell it as-is and let the next owner fix it themselves,” she implores.

“Eva, I cant. I miss her… and being here, fixing up this place it just… it feels like the right thing to do,” you sigh, looking around the large once-elegant sitting room.

“I get it,” Eva’s voice softens, “I just wish you weren’t there all by yourself.”

“Maybe I’m not,” you tease, smiling wryly into the phone.

“Ugh, don’t do that! I’m totally going to have nightmares about you being axe murdered by a ghost now,” she groans.

Your laughter echoes through the house, “I promise, I’m fine. Really. I’ll be back in the city for our Sunday brunches before you know it.”

“You better. I miss my weekend girl dates,” she whines.

“Me too,” you admit.

A soft thud sounds from around the corner. Your voice fades as you poke your head around to eye the archway at the end of the hall leading to the spacious kitchen.

“Everything okay?” Eva says after a minute.

“Yeah,” you answer distantly. “I’ll call you later, okay? Have a fun time with DJ guy.”

“Adam,” she corrects, you can practically hear her eyes roll which makes you smirk. “Just be careful ok? Don’t do anything stupid. And if you see a spooky shadow or something, just do me a favor and don’t follow it.”

“It’s not haunted,” you laugh. “Bye, love you.”

“Love you,” she returns.

You hang up and shake your head at her neuroticism. Sure the place isn’t exactly fit for a party, but after four days of cleaning you have to admit it’s not a total lost cause. On day two you dug out the tools from the shed and found a local hardware store in the town about half hour away. Since then, you’ve made good progress on the minor repairs and dusting. So much dusting.

You peel off the strips of paper and set down the putty knife before standing up. Brushing off your dirtied jeans, you tip toe down the hall and peek into the kitchen, readying yourself to scare away another mouse.

It’s not that your afraid of the animals, you just don’t like when they surprise you. This is hardly the first time you’ve encountered rodents, in fact you’d argue its to be expected when you make a living in restoring old houses. So you would think you’d be used to it by now.

The kitchen is empty, but your curiosity compels you to continue searching, certain the noise came from in here. Another thud makes you jump and spin on your heel as you look at the glass door of the butlers pantry. You swallow and steel your nerves as you near the door to slowly push it open.

Two bags of your favorite coffee lay on the ground, one busted open, scattering dark beans all over the tile floor. The single window over the counter is open, the panel swaying slightly in the afternoon breeze.

With a heavy sigh you bend to pick up the coffee, shoveling the spilt beans back into the bag and setting them back up on the counter before closing the window with a snap. Movement catches your eye outside and you pause to squint through the tinted glass.

You gasp at the figure of a man walking around your property and rush out of the pantry. You grab the crowbar from the foyer and head for the back patio doors. The patio is empty, so you descend the mossy steps intent on walking the perimeter just to be sure. You scan the tree line, tension growing with every step and you grip the iron bar tighter in your hands.

“Hello?” calls a man’s voice as you round the front of the house.

Your chest tightens and you hold up the crow bar until you spot him on the front porch. He quickly raises his hands non-threateningly. You lower your hands slightly, but not entirely as you recognize the handsome stranger from the gas station.

“Woah, woah, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he smiles and backs away from the front door, that gap tooth grin putting you at ease.

“What are you doing here?” You demand, still wary.

“My buddies and I are staying not far from here. We saw you pull off the highway the other day and … I don���t know I guess I got bored and decided to be neighborly.”

Your brow furrows a bit at his vague answer, but his voice and easy smile charm you. You lower the bar and he drops his hands with a relieved sigh.

“Sorry, just wasn’t expecting company out here,” you apologize but keep your distance.

“I get it,” he nods. “Can’t be too careful, I respect that.”

You eye him as you cross your arms and he slowly descends the porch steps, walking closer but not too close.

“Well, I’d invite you in but it’s a mess in there.”

He looks up at the old Victorian covered in vines, “it’s a beautiful property. You fixing it up?”

“It was my grandmas. No one has lived in it for quite a while. It needs a lot of work, I’m just trying to figure out how much I can do on my own before I call in my contractor.”

“So you gonna keep it? Or just flipping it?”

You pause at the question, you had never thought about keeping it, but the longer you stay the more connection you start to feel to the place. It’s a bond you’re not sure how to feel about, to be honest.

“I guess we’ll find out,” you shrug.

“Sounds like quite a project. You must be quite the worker bee,” he smirks before recognizing the tension in the air, and likely the mild impatience on your face, “well, I didn’t mean to interrupt. Maybe I’ll see you around sometime. Good luck with the house.”

He gives you a wave before turning and walking back along the driveway, his sneakers splattered in mud as he fails to evade one of the larger puddles. He doesn’t strike you as the woodsman type, too outgoing and neat, and in need of a pair of good hiking boots. As he disappears around the bend, you chew your lip and ponder over the odd interaction. He seems likable enough, but there’s something about him that bothers you.

—

“Hey, it’s me… your sister. The one you sent off to fix the big old house in the middle of nowhere by herself,” you lilt sardonically into the phone. “Look, I know you have your own stuff going on, but I could really use your help here. I mean, it’s not a total disaster, but it sure would go a lot faster with some help.”

You sigh, and fall back onto the bed with the phone to your ear, “I found our old nursery. Its so weird, like walking into a dream or something. I spent most of the day going through old boxes. Pretty sure grandma kept every single picture we ever made – all filed away as if they were something to treasure…” you smile as you picture her face. “I miss her and I just wish you could be here.”

You frown as a drop of moisture wets your cheek, “just call me back, okay?”

You wipe away the drop and another drips onto your finger, making you look up curiously. You spot the start of a water stain on the ceiling and curse in defeat. With a huff you get to your feet and make your way to the door down the hall.

You tap on your flashlight and open the door to the third floor attic space. Carefully you climb the dark narrow stair case and peek around the cold room filled with even more dust and junk. You hear the familiar whine of wind whipping past a cracked window and follow it, maneuvering through piles of old furniture and boxes.

The window along the east wall, above the nursery is broken, one of the bottom panels shattered, allowing the rain to pool on the floor when the wind blows just right.

“Dammit,” you grumble and snag an old rug rolled up nearby to lay over the puddle.

After a quick trip to your supply stash downstairs you manage to patch the broken square with some thick plastic sheeting and duct tape. A temporary fix until you can get a new glass panel. Another task to add to the to-do list.

A soft shuffling echoes from somewhere across the room and you freeze in your tracks. You hold your breath, waiting. The noise starts again, like something dragging slowly across the floor, but you see nothing moving. You let out your breath slowly and hold up your phone as you bend to grab a forgotten table lamp. Raising it to your eye, ready to strike, you take a hesitant step forward.

You breathe heavily through your nose, heart thundering in your chest as you get closer to the noise. It’s coming from the other side of the antique standing mirror and you brace yourself as you jump behind it, yelling as you swing the lamp in front of you. It swishes through the air as your nervous bellow drifts off in the silence of the attic and you realize there’s nothing there.

You feel like an idiot as you frantically search the corner of the dark room. Scolding yourself, you turn to leave when your foot hits something. A small cardboard box lies at your feet with your name on it, written hastily in black marker. The drag marks through the dusty floor behind the box make your stomach twist in apprehension.

You swallow thickly, scanning your surroundings one more time before quickly bending to swap the lamp for the box. Without a second thought you rush for the stairs nearby and retreat back to the nursery where you have been staying, sure to close the door tightly behind you.

Your heart pounds anxiously as you toss the box on the bed, pacing while you stare at it and chew your lip, unsure if you should open it.

“Oh this is ridiculous,” you exclaim and grab the box cutter from your tool kit.

You flick the flaps open to find a stack of old journals and sketch pads, all well worn and filled with messy children’s drawings. You can’t help but laugh as you open up a familiar hello kitty journal covered in barely legible writing, the slanted letters sparkling in rainbow colored gel pens.

“Oh my gosh, I totally forgot about these,” you say to yourself, cherishing the nostalgia each item brings.

The wind howls outside, the rain thudding loudly against the window panes. You hear another mysterious creak and groan from somewhere outside the room, eyes instinctually flicking to the door. You ignore it, slowly accepting it as one of the quirks of the old house as you continue sifting through the box.

Your brow furrows when you come across a series of drawings. A stick figure little girl with a taller stick figure boy happily playing together outside a crudely drawn impression of your grandmothers mansion. You pull out your phone with a smile to take a picture to send to your brother, but you stop when you notice the names scrawled under each. You are most certainly the girl in the drawing, the label assures you of that, but the boys name is not your brothers.

Tagging: @darkficsyouneveraskedfor @caffiend-queen @queenoftheworldisdead @threeminutesoflife @buttercupfangirl @needleandhammer @thiskindahotkindamusic @lokiswildheartcantbebroken @emberenchanted @patzammit @maluisamarvelfan123 @melmarinez7079 @cjand10

[mymedlife]

Guys, the pandemic has broken me. Every time we seem to be making any progress I feel like we get set back again.

Sorry for the long rant ahead, but I feel like I need to get it out of my head.

Back in the beginning, last March or so, when the state I'm living in shut down, I felt like I could do it. Daycare shut down for almost 3 months to prevent spread.

My husband's job changed his hours to 10a to 8p since everyone was working remotely so they could all be working on the same time zone.

My cofellows were generous enough to switch shifts so I could work all nights and weekends and watch my kiddo during the day. Which kind of sucked, because she doesn't play independently for very long, o was tired, hubby wanted it quiet, and everything was closed so there wasn't anywhere to go to break up the monotony.

Work was filled with frequent changes around what protective equipment we have and what is required to be worn where. I got fitted for 3 different N95s because we kept running out, despite having to check them out and have them sterilized between uses.

I had frequent discussions about how COVID is real with families who refused testing. Parents lied about their symptoms to be allowed into the hospital with their kids, including one who collapsed mid visit due to respiratory failure. Several people ended up having to quarantine because they weren't wearing their N95s during the resuscitation as it was unexpected (at the time we were only wearing N95s during aerosolizing procedures including bagging). This lead to a new rule on not stopping in to help until you have the proper equipment on (which makes sense, but but is so hard).

Early on I spent some time volunteering for the COVID hotline for my state. Most of the questions I got were people upset that things were closing. There were very few health calls.

My aunt died. My sister, a psychologist, argued with her boss she should get a raise for being a frontline worker. My other sister, who is immunocompromised, was mad that all her friends continued to party guilt free and we kept telling her to stay home. My husband began to enjoy his new schedule to the point that he would stay up until 3am playing games after work (the kid was asleep and I was working) and sleep until he had to work at 10 am. My friends talked about their new lock down hobbies, including my co fellow who spent her time creating a new lecture series for the residents. I felt like I was trending water, I started getting behind on fellowship things and I was so tired. My kiddo was happy that I was spending more time with her, and it all was temporary, right?

Eventually things started opening up again. Daycare returned. Two days later my husband was fired. Thankfully he found a job within a few months, but during that time was quick to anger and his staying up all night playing games and sleeping most of the day got worse. He dismissed anything I had to say about it and frequently promised to sleep earlier, later saying he had to stay up because the kid had a nightmare that I slept through.

During this time, many of my pediatrician friends were called to see adults due to high patient volumes and doctor shortages. Luckily I only had to see kids, but there was still a lot of mystery surrounding symptoms and the discovery of the multi system inflammatory syndrome.

My kiddo got sent home a few times from daycare for vague symptoms that necessitated a COVID test, and at one point she was at home with me for 2 weeks due to a COVID positive exposure in class. My husband's job was new so he couldn't take off time to help. At some point things shifted so I was now doing all the daycare pickup and drop-off as well as all the bedtimes (unless I was physically at work).

Following Breonna Taylor and George Floyd there were large scale protests around the downtown area, where my hospital is located. I wholeheartedly support the movement, but someone told my kid it was dangerous to go downtown, and she became fearful of me going to work. This combined with the break in at our home lead to sleep refusal. Something I had to help he with, leading to bedtime taking hours, because my husband would yell at her. Most nights I was too tired after getting her to bed to do much, which lead to more work piling up.

Job hunting was not as fun as I had hoped it would had been. I had one in person interview, everything else was virtual. Thinking about working at a place I've never seen was terrifying.

Many places simply ghosted me. Lots weren't hiring. A few went on a hiring freeze after my interview.

Every interview asked what hobby I developed during lockdown. I admittedly could have answered this question better, and explained that I survived the lockdown with a toddler and that was an accomplishment.

My home institution decided to go with my co fellow over me. When I asked my mentor why she said they felt she had more to contribute to medical education than I do. I'm convinced that in part this has to do with all the lectures she wrote during lockdown.

I was able to get a job, but it's at a smaller community ED where we have a few beds in an adult ED. I mentioned to my associated program director I was a little disappointed, and suddenly everyone is telling me to be thankful for what I have.

I can be thankful and disappointed at the same time.

I think the biggest thing is a fear that if I hate this job I wont ever be able to find another one.

I also kind of resent my kid and husband, if I had more support or time to focus on fellowship things may have been different.

But life goes on. The vaccine was created, things opened up, and now those who aren't vaccinated can stop masking.

The my body my choice people who previously refused to mask are pleased, and now there are barely any masks when I go out (despite a not great vaccination rate in my area).

My kid is 3 and cant get the vaccine, so we still wear them. She loves to whine about how the others don't wear their masks. "It's not fair."

No, it really isn't.

Masks are still required in the hospital, which parents complain about daily. Recently every time I recommend a COVID test it has been refused. The pandemic is over. Kids can't get COVID. And other nonsense.

Kids as young as 12 can get vaccinated. However there is real concern about post vaccine myocarditis. Now everyone who comes in with chest pain wants to complain, even if they are unvaccinated.

Things have been stressful, and my kid is picking up on that. She still has trouble sleeping and has started having tantrums. We recently had a meeting with daycare and they want us to have seen by psych to get her evaluated.

I've found that I've lost interest in most of my hobbies, not that I have a lot of time for them. Fellowship finished and I have the next two weeks off before starting my new job. I was planning on spending it sleeping, cleaning the house, getting out the baby stuff as we are expecting a new little one in a couple of months, and rediscovering my hobbies.

Today I had an awful migraine. I cant take the meds I usually take because of the pregnancy, and my OB wont prescribe anything because he is worried about masking signs of preeclampsia. My husband refused to get up to watch the kid because he was tired, so I pushed through until he was ready to get up.

I lay down to try to get a nap and I get a call that there has been a case of COVID at daycare, and they will be closing for 2 weeks. They will open up the day I start my new job.

And this my friends is what has broken me.

I was so looking forward to finally have time for self care, and now I get to play stay at home mom again with my kid who is in isolation.

After that call I got up and left the house. I'm sitting in my car at the park writing this, and while I know I will go back home eventually, I'm tempted to drive off and let my husband deal with this for a change.

[enigma-im]

Working for the Weekend

Rating: mature Relationship: Orc x Female!Human Warning: Cursing, punching people, courting orc, Bar maiden, courting rituals, orcs, elves, dwarves

Word Count:4177

‘I punched an elf and now this orc has become a regular at the bar’

Part 2

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "What is with orcs and bars, it's so stereotypical by now," Matilda asks me. I glance over at her with a smirk.

"Just like how stereotypical that the waitresses at these orc infested bars are normal curvy and busty," I hip check her.

Matilda looks down at her cleavage," can't help that. Men around here respond nicer to us thick ladies."

"Damn straight," Ed down the bar says. He is an old Dwarf who has been here every Saturday night since the place opened.

"See, they just have good taste," Matilda laughs.

"need another one Ed," I glance down the bar. He looks over then taps his almost empty tanker to the table. I walk over and refill his mug. Handing it back to him with a wink.

"Oh the fairest of them all," he stares dreamily," what I wouldn’t give to be 20 years younger. I could give you a run for your money."

I roll my eyes," Always the charmer Ed. Could talk a cobra out of a basket." he laughs before chugging his beer. I give a grin before turning back to the crowd.

For a Saturday it was fairly slow. The crowd was dispersed at their own tables. A few Elves talking beside the hearth. A group of miner dwarves singing near the back wall. Then near the door is a small cluster of orcs. Seen them a few nights but not enough to get to know them. It’s a nice night, going to get some good tips from those nearly piss drunk dwarves.

A little while later as the crowd dwindles the door opens. Ringing the small bell above the frame. I glance up from the bar I'm wiping down. Its another orc, a little smaller than the rest. He takes a booth seat near the opposite corner of the door. He rests his head against the wall and relaxes.

"You think he will be the last of the night," I ask Matilda. She glances to where I'm looking.

"Probably, hasn’t been that busy today. You don’t mind taking him right," she asks," I still have to check the kegs in the back. Ritz wants them recounted before he orders another batch."

"Yeah sure, just holler if you need help," I wipe my hands on the rag. I look back over to the orc, noticing how tired he looks. I can't imagine why he would come to a bar if he was so exhausted.

I walk over to him, stopping by his table. He looks at me with his head tilted back. At the closer look, I can't help but notice he is handsome. Orcs have never been my type, always loud and boisterous. But he seems like an anomaly. I could be wrong, he is tired.

"Would you like something, got food or beer. Can't ask for much more than that," I try to joke. It works a bit, he huffs with a curt smile.

"Just an ale please," he grumbles. I nod then head to the bar. Grabbing his drink then delivering it to his table. He takes a quick swig but leaves it on the table after. Closing his eyes and resting against the wall. I leave him to it, deciding to clean up the taps so I won't need to do them later.

Watching the orc out the corner of my eye I don’t notice the door open again. It isn't till someone knocks on the bar top do I acknowledge the two who walk in. looking up I immediately notice they are elves. The damn cocky bastards, never much cared for them.

"Hello, I want a honey mead," the one at the bar asked. I nod, glancing at the second one who is looking over his shoulder. As I pour the drink the second one bumps the first with his elbow. Nodding towards the orc in the corner. My defenses go up. Elves and orcs generally don’t get along. I could be wrong, I hope I'm wrong. They could just recognize an old friend. But I highly doubt it.

I hand him the mead and he passes me some coin. I take it but don’t look away as the two walks over to the lounging man. The first elf places his hand on the table, startling the orc awake. There are a few words but I can't hear from back here. I turn around the bar's end. Skirting around the edge of the room, acting like I'm cleaning by the hearth.

"-same idiot who took our kill. Can't figure you still have it," the second one says. I keep my head low and listen. Not wanting to jump to conclusions.

The orc grunts, leaning on his forearms. Cupping the mug in his large hands as he tries to ignore the two. That just pisses the elves off more.

"Answer me when I'm talking to you," the second slams his hands on the table. The cup rattles loud as its jostles in the orc's hands. A few patrons on the opposite end look over. Probably expecting a show soon.

"He probably too stupid to answer. Just a big ugly troll," the first one jokes. I don’t much care for that.

"Some bloodthirsty idiot who can only steal kills then get piss drunk with the money he takes from em," the second on laughs," perhaps we can take the coin off you. Just a fair trade for the meat you stiffed us." the orc growls but keeps his head low.

"So hand over the purse and we will be on our way," the first one leans over the table and tries to grab something off the orc. The orc gives a wide swing, knocking the elf's arm away. In second the elf pulls his sword out and points it at the orc. Aiming it towards his throat. The orc tilts his head away from the blade and sneers at the man.

Without much thought on my part, I run over. I've been working here for well over two years and I've never done something so rash. I'm not sure if it's from the spite of the situation or just cause it seemed unfair. But I still walk over, grab the arm of the second elf. Pull him towards me as my fist connects with his nose. It’s a satisfying feeling, at first. I can almost understand why men do this so often. There is something so pleasing about punching your anger out. It isn't until I feel the immediate pain that I realize why men are perhaps dumb. That fucking hurt.

"You little wench," the second one grabs his nose. Blood streaming between his fingers. Alright, that’s also very satisfying. I'll give men a little bit of slack then. The pain may be just a little worth it to see this idiot's nose bleed. A grotesque satisfaction.

"I'll have your head," the first one lunges forward. Before he can raise his hand to me the orc reaches out and grabs his neck. Standing away from the booth I can admire his height. He is tall.

"You will do no such thing," the orc sneers. Growling inches away from the now choking elf. He tries to snarl out some insult but he cants over the crushing of his throat.

"Don’t kill the lad," I rest my hand on the orc's arm," don’t want to kick you out or lose my job. The pasty twit is hardly worth it." the orc's arm twitches, straining as he grips the elf a little harder. Then he let go, the elf falling onto his knees. It’s a bit poetic to see him kneeling in front of the orc.

The second one still clutching his nose slaps at the first one shoulder," let's go." quickly the two run out the door, the Dwarves laughing as they retreat.

"Quite the hit there las," one of them tips there drink to me," he will be feelin' that for a while." the lot laughs along with him.

"Damn hope so, the man had a strong skull. Might be feeling that for while," I lift my hand. A bruise already blooming over my knuckles.

The orc beside me turns and grabs my hand. I wince but say nothing. He looks it over and sneers.

"Sorry," he grumbles," but you shouldn’t have stepped in. was a foolish thing to do."

I glare up at him," it didn’t look like you were going to do anything. And most people say thank you." I snatch my hand away from him.

"Why would I thank recklessness? It was a stupid thing you did," he growls.

"Stupid like you sitting there taking it? Excuse me for taking care of my patrons," I snap back," you enjoy your ale, sir. I will leave you be for the night." I turn, cradling my hand to my stomach. I stomp to the bar, throwing a small tantrum as I aggressively clean the bar. I don’t even glance back at the orc. If he wants to be ungrateful then let him be.

He leaves shortly after, leaving some coin on the table before he does. When I go to collect it I'm shocked its a gold coin. Well, that is unexpected.

<<<<<>>>>> Sunday night is slow, its no surprise. Tomorrow is a working day so the later it gets the fewer people are here. Tonight is generally used for deep cleaning. Doing the weekly chores like running the line or clearing the drains. It's going to be a boring night.

As I'm polishing some tankers I hear the bell ring. I turn towards the door and shocked to see the orc from yesterday. I guess this is the only pub in town but I can hardly imagine he would want to see me. Maybe he thought I wasn’t working tonight. That thought leaves when he walks towards me. He grabs a stool from the bar and sits.

"One ale please," he grunts out. I cock a brow, watching him as I grab his drink. Passing it along the bar. He grunts in thanks before taking a chug. Banging the tanker to the table when he gets his fill. He wipes his chin with his large arm then looks down at me. "Thank you for yesterday," he grumbles then leaves the bar. Dragging his drink along with him as he sits at the booth he was at last night. We'll alright.

The night progresses uneventfully. He sits in his corner, our eyes catching a few times when I look over. I continue cleaning. After about an hour he gets up and leaves. Once he is out the door I walk over to the table to grab his payment. It’s silver this time but there is also a small figurine. It’s a wolf carved from bone. The creature is sitting down, its tail hanging beside its legs. It's not badly made either, it is just a little larger than my palm. I pocket the gift and return to work.

The rest of the week repeats like this. He comes in orders a drink, then sits at his booth. The seat is never taken, the weekdays being slow. Only regulars come in, mostly older folks. He sits for about an hour then leaves. Dropping his coin and a gift. Some days it was a carved figure. Made from either bone or wood. Once it was a carving attached to a chain. The head of some creature I'm not familiar within the center of the necklace. Like before I pocket all of them. I take them home and set them on my bed frame.

On Friday he comes in like clockwork. Coming to the bar I'm already making his drink. I set it on the counter when he nears.

"Ale, don’t try to trick me today," I try to joke. Despite our rocky start, I've been kind to him. He doesn’t seem to enjoy our conversations. Always grunting in response then going to his table. I still try.

He pays my joke no mind but glances at my chest," your wearing it?"

I look down at the necklace he left me," Yea, I thought it was cute." he grunts, a start of a smile on the corner of his mouth. Then he turns and sits back at his table. That’s the most I've gotten out of him all week. Not much of a conversationalist, but I still enjoy the gifts. I consider them his apology. From the little, I know of orcs I know they are honor-bound individuals. I guess these little figures are tokens of his appreciations. I'll be a little sad when he stops.

Matilda walks over to my side, patting my shoulder." He here again," she nods to the orc," think we got ourselves a new regular? Maybe you should punch people more often," she laughs.

"Maybe I should, here I thought they came in because the drinks were cheap and the staff is cute," I joke.

"Anyway, can you help me move the barrels back there, I think one is leaking," she walks towards the backroom. I follow her. She points to the large puddle of brown liquid.

"Yep, no good," I mutter.

We together roll some of the barrels away. Struggling with the ones that were stacked. Before I could reach over and grab another I see a dark green hand beat me to it. Gripping the lip of the barrel and lifting it with ease. I turn around and see the orc. He guides the barrel to the side, setting it down gently.

"Damn, your boyfriend is strong," Matilda teases. I don’t bother glaring at her. I look at the orc and cock a brow.

"what are you doing back here," I ask.

"Helping," he grunts. He then grabs another barrel and guides it away from the growing puddle. We finally see the one with a bit of splintered wood at the top. The ale is pouring from the crack, dripping all over the floor.

"What a waste," I grumble. The orc grunts in agreement.

"Gotta grab some containers, see if we cant save it," Matilda looks around the room. She spots some large buckets in the corner. She flips them upside down, clearing out the debris.

"Wash that out first," I shout before she can bring it over. She rolls her eyes then heads out the back door to the well. I look over to the orc when she leaves. "Don’t mind helping a little more, don’t think I can tilt that by myself," I point to the barrel. He grunts. I'll take that as a yes.

Matilda returns a moment later. With the orc's help, we pour the leftovers into the bucket. The task made easier with his help. Its very kind of him to lend a hand. I know we could have figured something out but it's just simpler when someone has blind strength.

I leave Matilda to clean up the mess as I walk the orc back out to the main room. "Thanks for helping, really appreciate it," I pat his back," also for the figurines. Did you make them yourself?" I try to start a conversation.

"Yes," he answers shortly. I wait for him to add more, he doesn’t,

"Alright, well for your help how bout a drink on the house," I offer. His lips quirk again but not yet a smile.

"ok," he walks with me back to the bar. I fix his drink, passing it to him with a smile.

"I have to get back to work but thanks again," I pat his hand," don’t mind if I ask your name?" he focuses on our hands. I feel awkward, maybe he doesn’t like that. I slide them away but he snatches it before I get too far. Holding his hand over mine.

"Azhug," he grunts. I almost don’t catch it, too focused on us. It’s a simple touch but I can't help but stumble over my thoughts.

"I'm Emma," I answer," I need to get back to work." before I can retreat my hand he lifts it. Bringing it to his lips where he gives a quick peck.

"It's nice to meet you, Emma," he looks directly at me. I stare wide-eyed, lips parted. My heart stutters and my thoughts run away. Before I can say something stupid he drops my hands and walks away. Taking his drink to his booth.

I take a second to come back to now. Blushing as I try to think of what I should be doing.

The weekend passes and the week is introduced. When I come in on Monday I see Azhug already in. he is behind the bar screwing around with something. I head over and lean against the bar top. Pushing on my toes to see what he is doing. He startles when he notices me, recovers quickly. Messing with the shelf against the wall. All the harder liquors are on the table and he is changing the board.

"Whatcha doing Azhug," I ask. He drops his head, sighing before turning around. "I didn’t mean to bother you," I quickly add.

"No bother, just like hearing you say my name," he corrects.

I cock a brow," Is that right Azhug?"

"Yes," he looks me up and down. I feel a chill run up my spine. If I didn’t know any better id assume he was flirting, just a little bit.

"good to know, butter you up some when I need anything," I take to teasing.

"Don’t need to do that, just ask for anything," he raises a brow. His lips quirking just a bit. What I wouldn’t give to see him smile.

"Anything," I lean against my arms. Perking my chest a bit. I grin when I catch him peaking for a second.

"yes," he grunts.

"Then I want to know what you are doing," I lean back, standing straight. He huffs, his shoulders losing some tension I didn’t notice he had.

"Fixing the shelf," he points behind himself.

"I got that much, why are you fixing it," I reiterate.

"Was going to break, I asked Ritz if I could fix it for you," he answers.

"Fixing it for me," I tilt my head," don’t see how I benefit too much from this." he turns away from me and continues his work. I assume he isn't going to answer but he surprises me.

"Didn’t want you to get hurt," he finally answers," could break and fall while you are here."

I watch his back as the shirt is pulled a little taunt when he raises his arms," well that’s kind of you." he grunts in acknowledgment and continues working. I figure it’s the end of the conversation so I head on to the back to get ready for work.

The week goes about similar to that day. He is around fixing things in the bar. Having short conversations with me when I ask what he is up to. They are pleasant conversation but always short. Azhug isn't much of a conversationalist. With all the tasks he is getting done I just hope he is getting paid properly. I know Ritz can be a cheap son of a bitch.

As the week comes to an end on Thursday I see the usual group of orcs walk in. loud as always, a strong contrast to Azhug's personality. I walk over to them and take their orders.

"Hello boys, what will you all be having," I grin at the group.

"All have a pint of ale, don’t know why you bother asking. We aren't very original," one laughs.

"I don’t know, I'm feeling the mead this time," another ponders," Nah, ale hits the spot better." the group chuckles at him.

"Say where is that heavy-hearted lad at, I don’t see him," one of them looks over to the bar.

"Who you asking about," I look where he is looking.

"The lad who is courting you, I had a question about something," he looks back at me. I squint at him confused. Who is courting me?

"I'm not sure I know who you are referring to," I answer.

He looks at me like I'm dumb," the less bulky looking orc. The one who has been all over you for the past two weeks. Are you daft?"

"Azhug? No, he isn't courting me. Man can barely keep a conversation with me," I huff at myself. They don’t think it's so funny.

"Believe me, Emma, he is courting you. Shouldn’t be too long before he lifts you on his shoulder and takes you off to wear your thighs like ear muffs," he laughs. My face immediately gets red. I look away from the group, hiding my face from them.

"what are you doing," I hear someone say from behind me.

"Its lover boy himself. I didn’t see you back there, fixing something for the lass in the back I'm assuming," the loud one greets Azhug. I turn and see him glaring at the orc. I startle when he hand holds my waist, pulling me back against him.

"No need to get so taunt, we aren't trying to steal her away," another orc calls from down the table.

"Yea, we just educating her on our culture. Say, when are you sweeping her off her feet. Can't imagine you are too far away from that," a different one calls. Azhug sneers at the group. His hand sliding over my stomach, my back flush with his front.

The room gets tense as Azhug glares at the party of orcs. Seeming to stake his claim in front of them all before leaning down towards me.

"Sorry," he mumbles. He then turns with me and guides me back to the bar. Leading me around the table and letting go when we are near the drinks. I can faintly hear the group laughing behind us.

"What was that about," I ask as I fix the party's drinks.

"Nothing, they are just teasing," he glares over me. I snap my fingers in front of his face, catching his attention.

"I don’t think they were just teasing," I look between his eyes," answer me honestly. Are you courting me?" he squints down at me, trying to figure out a way to deny it.

"yes," he grunts. He remains tense, waiting for my response. His fists are clenched and his shoulders taut. I can't help but admire the way his arms flex. The muscle tempting and alluring. Azhug is surely an attractive man.

"Ok, good," I answer. He looks transform to shocked, a little confused.

"What, really," his mouth quirks.

"Yea, I think you could be a good mate. I just need you to talk more," I grin," can't keep a conversation with just myself. Think you can do that?"

He nods," I can do that."

"then alright. Court away," I flourish my hand," but can you explain it to me first."

"Yes, I can do that. Uh, courting happens in parts. Gifts, actions, then taking. I gave you the gifts I made, you took them. Then I'm supposed to help fix up your home or our future home. I don’t know where you live and didn’t want to scare you. So I'm helping the pub. Then finally I take you," he explains. This is the most I've heard him speak in one go. It's nice.

"Take me, like what," I tilt my head.

"Sex," he answers bluntly," we make love. Its where we claim each other and are official." I can't help the blush.

"When does that happen?"

"two days," he takes a step forward. He rests his hands on the bar behind me. Trapping me between himself and the table. He leans down near my ear," I will take you, going somewhere I choose. I'll show you how I will treat you for the rest of our lives. Make you cum as much as possible before reaching my own end. Learning your body as intimately as I can. I will worship you, love you like no one ever before. That is what will happen in two days because you have accepted my courtship. You will be mine Emma and I will be yours."

He leans back and looks upon my red face. I'm biting my lip and damn near whimpering. I know I'm wet, his deep voice having rumbled through my chest. His hot breath on my ear as he whispered those dirty things. I think I might be excited about it now. This large handsome orc wishes to worship me. I can get behind that.

Glancing up at his face I can see a large smile. Its everything I thought it would be. It's an amazing look for him. His eyes slightly crinkled as his cheeks are pulled up. His tusk protruding proudly and his other teeth visible. I can't help it, I cup his face and stand on my toes. I give a quick kiss to his lips. I can feel him stop breathing.

"I can't wait," I peck him again.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My favorite monster lover is orcs, i just love big beefy men. I’m a simple woman. i just like a man who can bench press me. Part 2

Check out my Archive | Masterlist | Main Blog

[virgilantejustice]

I always feel bad for not liking my grandparents.

They're not toxic or abusive in the slightest, they're actually nice people, I just dont like them. And they're staying for the weekend.

I dont like how I cant talk about my sexuality or any of my opinions that may be too 'progressive' for them (like my work on Marxism for my english class) (or like the fact I'm vegetarian so I just suck it up and eat meat), I cant mention my mental health issues which means I have to hide my misophonia which means straining as hard as possible to join in the conversation over dinner (which we have to eat at the table, in fact, every meal is now together and at the table) through earplugs, I hate how clean we have to get the house before they arrive, I just hate it and I hate how I cant wear lots of my clothes because they're too short or gothic or extra. I just hate it.

And I feel bad. Because they're nice. From a distance.

[rainecloud020604]

below the cut is a bit of a long venty self reflection.. tw: sensitive topics, the specifics are in the tags

so with quartinteen going on i’ve had a lot of time to look at myself and my actions, i have a bad habit of over analyzing things and ripping them apart. including myself.

i’ve noticed that i keep a lot of things to myself to the point where its unhealthy, i dont tell people when im upset, i dont tell people that im hurt, i dont even tell my parents when i feel sick anymore unless i feel like im dying and need medicine and maybe a trip to the doctor. Im still scared to do that...

i get made fun of and mocked, told im overreacting when im sick or hurt by my parents. its really affected me, being told to walk it off cause im being a baby or im being a drama queen for attention i dont really want. its at the point where i have fallen into a habit of lying about my health, some days i feel like utter shit and i know it will show, i will tell some people, not my parents, my friends i talk to that day. it’s gotten to the point where i was ready to kill myself because my parents wouldnt listen and take me to a doctor after i could eat or drink anything for two weeks without immediately rushing to the bathroom, that was new years eve... i almost did, it took a lot to not do that, and i scared myself, i was scared to call a hotline, i was scared to move, go downstairs, speak, after i spent 30 minutes breaking down and begging my parents to take me to a doctor i was done with life and done with trying. This really affected me and shook me up for months, it was the first time in years i had ever thought about doing that, i felt horrible and miserable cause i scared a lot of people that night. 

my mental health is even worse than my physical health all the time, i normally wont talk about it when its bad unless someone asks, i’ve been brushed off so many times by my family i no longer have that confidence i used to. my dad for the longest of time told me my depression didnt exist until my doctor did, he told me i was lying for attention, he told me i didnt have anxiety, i didnt have anything wrong and i needed to shut up and pay attention, push through it and shut up. mental health issues were tabo around my parents for ages, when we got kicked out of our house and moved in with some friends my mental issues really showed through, this was around the time i joined tumblr, my parents would fight constantly and i fled here for safety, it was clear i had something wrong, all of my sibling do as well, my brother has anger issues and doesnt know how to cope with that, he tends to hit things and hit me when angry cause i pissed him off or was in his way, he’s 11 and three times my size. im 16. my sister has anxiety and depression as well, she always drags herself down and fakes a smile to everything, she cant handle being yelled at anymore. we all have faced abuse from my parents, and then moving into a super toxic and worse place for a year made everything worse, my parents stressed and fighting to the point where we would hide and cry cause it was so much. partially through that year i snapped at my best friends dad for being homophobic, racist and sexist, i said a few things and got suspended from my school while there was a sexual predator on the campus after my friends, he was never arrested and he tried to contact me recently because he was bored. i was broken for awhile but going to the magnet school i met some people who helped me. i made a new friend. that place that was toxic we left after they tried framing us for a bed bug issue and tried making us clean the entire house, and the guy who was my dads formal best friend called my mom a few nasty things and called us all lazy and ungrateful. i had a bike stolen during the move and they refused to give it back. we stayed in a hotel for a bit, i became everyones therapist for a few days, my brothers, sisters, moms and even my dads, i couldnt vent to anyone. we moved in with my grandma, my step grandpa turned out to be an abusive asshole and attacked my aunt and almost attacked my mom and grandma one night when we were going to bed, i had both my brother and sister in my room hiding and crying, i was comforting them and telling them the yelling would be over soon. 

my grandma had her ac detroyed, license plate stolen, other stuff stolen from her as well, i was scared to walk to school for a month and had to look at the door at all times. one day he randomly busted through the door and i broke down scared as hell because i was in line of sight and the first person he saw, and was in the same room as him. it took me awhile to recover from that. later on i started failing my classes, i couldnt keep up because my old school wasnt where they were, i was ahead but behind because my motivation slacked and i didnt want to be there, i started getting really sick, i went to try to see my guidance counselor one day because i was ready to break down at everything and i needed to talk to someone and possibly go home, i saw a different one, they recommended a mental health counselor and i start counseling sessions, when i checked out the nurse shamed me for not going to her and checking out. i walked home that day and cried. i started counseling sessions after that, i was still scared to speak about all of these issues, some weeks i didnt see her, others i did, the first day my ela teacher flipper her shit cause i was late that day to her class after i was at a counseling session for part of her class cause i needed to say things and speak. i lost the confidence to talk to me ela teacher after that. she would have issues with the fact that i couldnt speak loudly at times, part of the year she hated the fact that i drew in her class to focus, it took me twice explaining it before she would let me. later on that year she accused me of doing other classwork and make me hold up what i was drawing rather than walking over, i cried the rest of her class and had a panic attack in biology venting to a friend. my parents told me i was being dramatic after breaking down and explaining how my day went. i started to stop speaking up about my issues entirely to them. 

i’ve had issues when i am sick at school, i’ve gotten grounded for going home sick, after i was told i could call home, it was because the nurse said i looked tired, she also had told my dad that he knew me better than she did so she was unsure, he told me in the car i put the family to shame and made him look bad, took away my devices, left for work while i took a nap, i woke up still sick and felt even worse mentally, i forced myself to walk and finish up the rest of the school day. it took my mom yelling at my dad to get my devices back, he guilt tripped me after giving them back and i felt horrible for the weekend. 

my dad started saying i was faking being sick to skip school, keep in mind i have never skipped a day in my life and have always enjoyed going to school, he was just pissed off. my mental health was affecting my physical health, i wasnt able to see my mental health counselor for a month, when i needed to most. 

i started developing and eating disorder again, i started to only eat one meal a day, starve myself for existing, i’ve been fighting it for awhile, it decided to get worse, i am still fighting it. i am at a point where i can handle two meals a day again which is progress. 

when quartinteen started, that ment i was stuck at home, unable to focus on my classes anymore, and my counseling sessions were done in zoom, i wasnt ever in a safe place to openly speak. i tried pushing for therapy, my parents considered and agreed, they tried to figure something out and never got back to it. everything has gotten worse, not only in my head but the world around me...

keep in mind all this, happened in two years. most of the belittling and breaking me down however has gone on for most of my life.

i dont want sympathy, i want to get this off my damn chest, i dont want attention, i was this at hand so when i need to point at something that happened to me i have to reference to while im breaking down. im sorry about all this mess and wasting time typing this out and that right now isnt the time to hear me whine. 

[wherearemyglassesbro]

@mandelene did this so I thought I would too! I’ve got nothing better to do and it looked like fun :)

1. What is the color of your hairbrush?

Black!

2. Name a food you never ever eat

Seafood, cereal or soup! Cereal and soup is a texture thing, and fish just….grosses me out

3. Are you typically too warm or too cold?

Too cold!!!! I’m always so cold in my house! All the time! There are never enough blankets on the couch!

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?

I was watching ‘Crazy Rich Asians’ with my mom! It was great, I cried lol

5. What’s your favorite candy bar?

Snickers or Kit Kats I cant decide!

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports game?

Yes! I’ve seen two or three Tigers games and I’ve seen one Red Wings game! Hockey is by far the most fun sports to watch, baseball is excruciatingly boring lmao

7. What’s the last thing you said out loud?

“Yeah!” My mom and I were talking about attractive actors lol

8. What’s your favorite ice cream?

Cookies and cream!!

9. What’s the last thing you had to drink?

Good ol’ water :)

10. Do you like your wallet?

Yes! It’s pink and it’s floral and it has a little plastic part where I can see my license picture

11. What’s the last thing you ate?

A purple peep :) my mom got peeps at the store for Easter :)

12. Did you buy new clothes last weekend?

The plan was to go prom dress shopping but all malls and stores are closed :’)

13. What’s the last sporting event you watched?

Two minutes of football reruns while I scrolled through channels on the tv

14. What’s your favorite flavor of popcorn?

Movie theater butter popcorn babey!! I miss going to the movie theater

15. Who is the last person you texted?

My cousin

16. Ever go camping?

Yes! With the cousin I just texted! It was so fun, we went fishing and did a night hike and got lost it was hilarious!

17. Do you take vitamins?

Yea, they’re ‘teen gummies’ lol my mom insists I take them. They’re good though, not gonna lie

18. Do you go to church every Sunday?

Every other Sunday to appease grandma

19. Do you have a tan?

I WISH!!! My Florida tan has worn off :(

20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza?

I’ve never had genuine Chinese food so pizza automatically wins

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw?

Of course!!

22. What socks do you usually wear?

I wear mismatching socks every day! My favorite ones are pink with weiner dogs on them :)

23. Do you ever drive above the speed limit?

Occasionally but that’s only if I’m late to school! If anything, I go under the speed limit more than I should oops

24. What terrifies you?

Needles, heights, never finding love oops

25. Look to your left, what do you see?

A fuzzy pillow

26. What chore do you hate the most?

Washing dishes!!! Touching old, soggy food makes me gag!!!

27. What do you think when you hear an Australian accent?

I think about how cool Australians are and how I want to travel there one day

28. What’s your favorite soda?

Sprite all the way!! NOT Sierra Mist!!!! It ISNT the same!!!!

29. Do you go in a fast food place or go through the drive through?

If I’m with friends, I go in! If it’s just me, I go through the drive through and eat in shame

30. What’s your favorite number?

13! I always did okay on math quizzes in elementary school when I used calculator #13 so 13 is my number :)

31. Who’s the last person you talked to?

My mom, shes watching tv with me

32. What’s your favorite cut of beef?

I have no clue

33. Last song you listened to?

Funky Town

34. Last book you read?

Lord of the rings! I haven’t finished it yet but it’s a work in progress

35. Favorite day of the week?

Friday!!!!!!!

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards?

Hell yeah I can! We learned to sing it backwards in choir!

37. How do you like your coffee?

Coffee is gross I don’t drink it

38. Favorite pair of shoes?

My chunky filas!! They’re a staple in my closet! They’re white so I have to wipe them off a lot

39. What time do you usually get up?

10:30, my sleep schedule is evening out finallyyyyy

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

Sunsets :’)

41. How many blankets are on your bed?

11!! It isn’t a joke, I sleep with the windows open so it’s cold!!

42. Describe your kitchen plates

Theyre beige with green rims!

43. Describe your kitchen at the moment

Pretty clean! The kitchen table has a bucket of Easter candy on it

44. Do you have a favorite alcoholic drink?

I’m underage ma’am!

45. Do you play cards?

When we have my extended family over

46. What color is your car?

Black! And his name is Pierre!

47. Can you change a tire?

…..no...

48. Favorite state?

Florida!! I live in Michigan but Florida is definitely my home away from home, I love it there very much

49. Favorite job you’ve ever had?

I babysit and that’s the only job I’ve ever had. I love kids!! So I have a blast!

50. How did you get your biggest scar?

I have a scar on my knee from when I repeatedly fell as a kid and picked the scab off

Do this if you want! It was fun! And it’s fun to read everyone else’s responses! :)

[sevdrag]

dreamwidth update: Word update, Nano update, Life update

been meaning to update just like ive been meaning to do a lot of thingslksdjgldkfjgdf

So here I am 20 days into NaNo and still banging it out like a champ. I’ve had two goose egg days so far, but I’ve had a lot of very productive days as well (esp thanks to lassarina!) and as of today I’m about to be only ~1200 words behind actual target. That’s ~32K of absolutely original fiction I’ve written this month and I’m on track to making it 50K.

The amount was never a question for me - last year, after quitting my job and signing up for the Winterhawk exchange, I wrote 57K in 10 days; that pretty much proved to me that NaNo wouldn’t be about the wordcount - but it was about the habit. Can I write every day on something? Can I write original stuff every day? Can I write it around all the other words I do, for pay and for fandom?

I mean, yeah, sure, looks like I can.

I’ll admit, I went into November with a changed mindset. Having realized I’d been out of industry work for a year absolutely hit me in the head with the what do you have to show for yourself rock, and it led me to a new sort of determination I haven’t seen in a while. NaNo - the act of doing something daily and tracking it - was really just a crutch to get me into new habits. And it’s working — somewhat.

I’ve been much better during the day about dedicating time to words. I can write over 5000 words in one day before my brain really starts to sink. I can switch between original and work and fanfiction as I need. And I’ve been writing (nearly) daily for 20 days now, which was the goal, so yay.

But - as my fucking dumb gay ass should have predicted - regiments and discipline come in steps. And when I’m spending time on original fiction to that degree every day plus my work words, plus fanfiction stuff, I still don’t have time to do much more than... keep up. I’ve made no real progress on unfucking the house; I can keep afloat, but that’s it. Any extras cleaning I’ve done over the last few weeks has been UNdone by days where i can’t get to thinks.

[And, also, crucially and critically: I am sick. I’m sick for the first time in MONTHS, possibly since LAST WINTER. It was a good run while it lasted, but I’ve now been sick for over ten days, sinus infection / flu / fever / cough / sore throat / runny nose / sneezing / aching / stuffed head / gross feeling / no willpower to do anything / naps every day and not the fun gratuitous kind. I do need to note this because it’s also robbed me of any extra energy I might have had for additional activities.] [I don’t mind because it wasn’t like I was ever going to get sick again in my life, and this really just proves that it was having me out of a crowded office situation with tons of people and their tons of germs that helped me stay as not-sick as I did for so long.] [ Plus I always get sick on November so it’s like oh, hey, you again?]

The key will be — December, I want to say, but December always sucks. Holidays take up a lot of space for me and my family - not just time, really, we only spend a couple days together, but the energy of preparation and gifting always becomes frantic and gross by the end - and I have another niece birthday visit coming up that’ll eat up a weekend. The key will be taking this daily motivation and hanging onto it through December, and into January, and letting it morph itself into something that encompasses more than writing.

Now that I have the daily habit, I want to do the same with drawing, to just doodle something daily and let myself practice at that. I need to set days and times aside for house projects and have them be priority — not let the specter of Nano Words or Work Words be more important (Nano is of course a fallacy i use to be lazy; work words are important cause they pay).

I’m not really sure where I’m going with this ramble. About four or five days in I had a real low period and almost decided to quit NaNo because it was interfering too much with the rest of my day and words and chore schedule and grumble I didn’t know what I was doing and I should be writing work and commissions anyway and such whining. Then I woke up on day like six or seven, my head clear, realized that had been An Episode, and just pushed on with the wording. 20 days and over 30K is a success for me on projects; it’s the maintenance, the daily bits.

I dunno. There was gonna be a point to all this but now I’m just talking about the process (but in the most BORING way POSSIBLE because i dont want to get INTO the PROCESS and now I’m just CAPSING at RANDOM)

Anyway. Still here, still writing, still having successes and failures big time. Still broke! Who knew!

(It will always be a shame that ppl at tumblr cant see my brilliant DW tags; i use IFTTT to cross post, but i haven’t yet found one that will swipe up all of my DW tags and include them on the tumbles)

comments Comment? https://ift.tt/348Bbb1

[nightfurywitch]

Pick a pile reveals....

Hello all,

In case you haven't picked your crystal - head over here before you keep reading... Today’s pick a pile is more of a map/advice for Imbolc - I created a spread for this that I will post below for those that want a more personal one...

For Imbolc we celebrate the midpoint of winter and the awakening of the earth and for those that are polytheist... we also celebrate the Goddess Brigid, her fertility, her healing, her poetry and her craftsmanship.

Please remember since these readings are collective they may all not resonate with you, but if they do please let me know! I love the feedback. Also I am sorry about the pictures they are not my best work...but my house is just so dark sometimes!

So now for the readings....

Selenite

1. What do I need to acknowledge about my garden right now?

Your progress. You need to look at how far you’ve come and also at all the opportunities and paths that are going to be opening for you soon. Set your sight on the horizon.

2. What needs wedding out of my garden?

Recently very painful endings may have come into your life...they were like a tornado and there is debris and destruction all around you, your energy, your body and your soul. This is what needs to be cleaned up... find some type of activity to bring you back to being whole...reading, meditation, reiki...

3. What tools do I have to help me de-weed this garden?

Accept the change. Death is the card of rebirth and thousands of possibilities.You need to let what ends pass, let go of any attachment to this past situation (easier said than done) but doing this will transform you.

4. Where in my garden to I need to focus my energy?

All you focus right now should be on letting go and walking away. Focus on the sunrise that always comes up. Focus on positivity, choose love, choose yourself.

5. What area of my garden needs mulching?

The way you look at yourself and life in general. Life is never what it seems. It is time to change your perspective, re frame your thoughts... then look at yourself again with those new thoughts.

6. What area of my garden needs more TLC?

I think that everyone here that reads tarot is going to slap me for this, but right now the devil card is screaming to me that you need to treat yourself and over indulge a little bit. This is a time when you need to be reminded of the simple pleasures and beauty of life.

Smokey Quartz

1. What do I need to acknowledge about my garden right now?

You need to realize is that you are the one standing on your own path,  you have been blinding and fooling yourself. Refusing to see what is in front of you , even refusing to make a choice.

2. What needs wedding out of my garden?

Your past and the thoughts that you have been letting take root in your mind. This thoughts of inadequacy, of not being enough, of not having any talents. They no longer serve you and they need to end.

3. What tools do I have to help me de-weed this garden?

Tap into your natural talents and gifts... into your natural energy. Manifest your future and act accordingly, just wanting something is not enough. You need to make moves.

4. Where in my garden to I need to focus my energy?

Pushing ahead and taking action. You want a good job? go for it! want a new relationship? a new home? then do the work. Remember refusing to move is deciding to stand still.

5. What area of my garden needs mulching?

Self love and creativity. To get here you need to open your heart, and work on creating an environment where you can feel free to be yourself, to express yourself, express your love and receive love in return.

6. What area of my garden needs more TLC?

By keeping a balance between what your body needs and what your spirit needs... you can be everything, you do not have to pick sides. You can be masculine and feminine, you can be black and white, you can be happy and sad. Practice fluidity and patience and you will get where you need to go.

Green Fluorite

1. What do I need to acknowledge about my garden right now?

You need to see that you are stronger and smarter than you think you are. Sometimes there is a coldness and calculation to your methods which makes you seem disconnected from the world, but you know that is not the real you... so just think about this affects you and others.

2. What needs wedding out of my garden?

Sometimes in life the wheel spins and it frighten us so much that we just hold on and try to control everything in our path. This is what needs to be cleared out - we cant stop the wheel from turning, we cant contain it in a box - so just let is flow. Let what may come and go.

3. What tools do I have to help me de-weed this garden?

Be logical, courageous, realistic and overall communicate your truth. One of the reasons we want to control everything is just so that we can control the results. So the king says , take a deep breath and speak your truth. Is moving away from your family for school giving you anxiety, or your boyfriends constant texting make you uncomfortable? Don’t let fear overcome you.

4. Where in my garden to I need to focus my energy?

Sometimes life is so overwhelming, and so busy we lose focus of what we really need to be celebrating. So find joy and celebrate - are you depressed? did you literally have to be dragged out of bed to go to school or work today? That’s a win!!! celebrate!

5. What area of my garden needs mulching?

Your connections, your legacy. Life is more than anything material. So what is needed here is realizing what you want people to remember you by - in life and in death. How did you make them feel? How were you able to help them grow? Were you a good listener, a neighbor or friend?

6. What area of my garden needs more TLC?

Inside of you lives this child and it needs so much right now, to just burst out and play around. Do what brings you joy and happiness.

Hematoid Quartz

1. What do I need to acknowledge about my garden right now?

You may be experiencing some crazy energy right now. This energy is either going no where or is completely unfocused and lacking direction. Bring that energy back, balance it and then use it to strike where its needed.

2. What needs wedding out of my garden?

The weight of your past needs to be gutted. It is time to let go and seek new shores, new opportunities...You know that scene in the Titanic where Rose lets the diamond/crystal fall into the ocean, and then she dies but finds happiness on the other side... Metaphorically that's what needs to happen here. That rock was an anchor that needed to be released.

3. What tools do I have to help me de-weed this garden?

Take it easy, relax, connect, enjoy and celebrate. Just take your mind our for a little bit. Give it some time to distract itself.

4. Where in my garden to I need to focus my energy?

Your energy needs to focus on self healing and self knowing. Who are you really? What do you want out of this life? Find your inner light and let it shone.

5. What area of my garden needs mulching?

You. You need to bring your inner child out to play. Let it guide you, let it’s curiosity guide you, drive you. It will help you reach new places, new dreams, new goals, new faces.

6. What area of my garden needs more TLC?

Do not dwell on what has ended, do not let life get bitter and stale. Rebuild your foundations, your connections.

.............................

I hope this helps some of you - towards the end I was running out of energy, but hopefully there still something there for everyone.

Here is a draft copy of my Imbolc spread... Have a good weekend sweets!

[avpdpunpun]

i disappeared for 3/4ths a year here’s an update?

its been 4 months since my queue ran out and way longer since i wrote an actual post. 8 months about? i think i last posted when i impulse quit a job that was bad for my mental health and just kept getting worse.

sometimes i wonder when ppl who blog about mental illness disappear if they’ve died. there was a big user i used to follow who did, and i still occasionally think about it sometimes, so i figure its nice to post updates sometimes. and being able to look back on posts ive written and reflect on them/what state of mind i was in can be helpful even if it can be embarrassing/dangerous because its so easy to fall back into those thinking habits 

after quitting my job i did basically nothing for 6 months haha. at some point i managed to clean out my room which i had done the bare minimum on for years because of depression, took out more built up trash than i thought was possible to fit into my small space. its disgusting but the only thing i struggle to keep up with now at least is vacuuming and putting clothes away so my space is a lot cleaner and it makes me happier. your living space can really have an effect on your mood bless you marie kondo

after my post about having an anxiety attack taking my test i got my drivers license in march. i saw the same lady again after going somewhere else and i think she just let me pass because she felt bad haha. i never finished drivers ed and i still get anxiety about driving unfamiliar routes but my skills and confidence have improved a lot. i managed to drive 2 hours to a big city to visit a friend! i literally didnt have a choice in getting my license, but its still something i can be proud of. like, when i have to explain it to people, it feels extremely shitty that i didnt get it until i was 20, and only about 5 months ago too but... for someone who struggles as much as me, i have to be proud of it my small accomplishments or i’ll have nothing.

at some point something in my brain just snapped and i literally havent been able to cry? for a long time in those 6 months i felt like i was right on the edge of breaking down mentally but never actually crossing that line and it was honestly one of the weirdest things ive experienced. i almost wanted to have a breakdown again just to get rid of the feeling and reach a catharsis like... i used to be a fucking crybaby almost but i. cant. anymore. but i think ive mostly moved away from this point... still feel kinda weird tho.

i didnt end up signing up to a local school fo gen eds. its still on my mind for the vague future because there’s topics i want to learn about (psychology, natural resources, languages...) and maybe try to pursue for a career but really i just wanted a way to get out of my toxic house, even if it meant going into debt to live in a shitty dorm. 

in the last 30 days though life has been moving extremely quickly for me. i dont think i couldve lived with myself much longer being a useless adult basically living in my basement bedroom of my parents house, especially with my younger siblings getting nearer to adult milestones, plus my savings were starting to run out.

so literally next weekend, i’m moving out! and i make enough money right now that with the rough budget i have established, if its accurate, i’ll have a decent amount of wiggle room and hopefully wont be ruining my mental health just trying to make ends meet.

it took a long time of searching but i managed to find a job that hasnt made me suicidal and has slightly more than the MIT living wage for my area lol. im a janitor now! we’ll see how long it lasts but a lot of the factors from my last two jobs that contributed to my failing mental health are gone. i rarely have to interact with other people, and if i do its my coworkers, of who i tend to only see for minutes per day, or the other people working in the building i clean who at most i have to say hi and have a nice night to lol. i get to listen to music and podcasts for 8 hours and its very routine heavy. i have to clock out after the 8 hours is up so i literally cant be forced into overtime. a lot of people dont respect cleaning jobs like this but honestly who gives a fuck, its something i can handle mentally and support myself with. its still hard adjusting to 40 hours. i know its the standard, but the standard is rly tough for me, but i think i can do it long term.

all of this has been achieved through sheer self hatred and impulse alone, and im very nervous about moving in with 3 other people even if 1 of them ive known for 8 years, and i dont think its even properly hit me yet. literally cant register that i have to fend 100% for myself but also ill be away from my toxic family! i can bring my cat with me, who before this i got to see at MOST once a week!

a dude ive known online for two or more years is moving to my area too for college and he’s so sweet and kind, i feel better talking to him than i have 99% of people in my life and im so lucky to know him. ive been forced to talk about personal things i was kind of dreading (not his fault, just a result of our relationship going to go from online -> irl and things id have to address beforehand) and honestly i didnt even mind it that much when i just got it over with and talked about it to him! vulnerability is literally the thing i struggle with the most in interpersonal relationships and is a huge block for me in every way and in even the most mundane life situations but like... he’s honestly the best and im getting emotional writing this and its weird af because i straight up dont GET emotional about other people. ive absolutely developed a stupid fucking crush on him recently and i THINK hes been receptive to flirting and i cant tell if he flirts back because we already say i love you and are wholesome af but honestly no clue if he’s into (trans) dudes but honestly? even if it doesnt work out im so happy to be friends with him and im so excited to finally meet him!! i really think knowing him has helped me improve myself 

i’ve always thought that if i could literally just achieve the bare minimum in life that things would naturally get better. like i’m still mentally ill and get paranoid about peoples intentions and i think if my boss yelled at me id have an anxiety attack on the spot. im still depressed and hate that i have low energy and that it’s still rly hard doing basic chores. 

but like a huge part of my problem was that i felt like i literally couldn’t TRY to connect with people if i couldn’t face having to tell them bare info about myself, like “oh i cant drive” or “i dont have a job” or that i was living with my parents but not even making PROGRESS on getting out. like how could i make friends or go on dates if i literally couldnt contribute shit or admit these things i was so ashamed of? a lot of my self image was shaped by this because my entire life i havent been mentally well enough to do as well as i should have.

but like. i feel like im finally doing these basic things!! i dont have to hate myself so much anymore! i dont look badly on other mentally ill ppl who are less lucky than i/havent been able to do those things yet/might not ever and are still in the same situation i was 2 months ago but the self hatred is strong pls understand.

i dont know yet if i could afford twice yearly drs visits for meds or anything and probably not therapy. i dont even know what my insurance is yet haha. but i’ll see

i need to figure out at what point in my life im going to be able to never contact a single person in my family ever again, considering i’ll be a 20 min drive away and they will know the precise location of where i live, and if i’ll ever feel safe enough in society to start hrt but :^) you know :^) i can at least present more masculinely in the meantime!

i dont rly know how to conclude this... i’m not trying to brag either im just very nervous and excited about where my life might be going for the first time ever? maybe? in my entire life? i have no clue what to pursue after moving out, but i can figure it out. and just... that there’s hope even if youre as fucked up and mentally ill as i am lmao!

[xxwritemeastoryxx]

Forgotten Alliance Ch 21

Author: xxwritemeastoryxx

Pairings: Elijah Mikaelson x OC with other parings mentioned throughout.

Word Count: 6.1K

Warnings: Canon Typical things

Author’s Note: As a reminder, FA can be found on ffnet up to chapter 42. I am uploading chapters here on tumblr for convenience. I decided against tagging this until new chapters are posted. If you would like to be tagged please let me know! Chapters are queued and will be posted randomly. Chapter from here on out are not aligned with any episodes.  Enjoy

Elizabeth,

I know this letter my come as a shock to you, but you really are the only one I have left that understands what we are going through. Its been six months and I have managed to find a place to call home, for now. I have looked into where you said the cure for Rebekah would be and I must hand it to you, you knew what you were talking about. I am glad I did leave Hope behind, they had some legend that had some relation to her. I just hope that in the future this isn't something we have to deal with. I do not want to have my daughter ever dealing with that place, like ever. While I have Rebekah's cure I cant help to wonder where you are on your end of finding things. How is that going? Do I need to come and help in anyway? Sitting here doing nothing isn't helping ease my mind in anyway. I want our family whole again. I want Hope to be able to see her father some time soon. That had always been my worst fear. For Hope to grow up without one or both of her parents. While I can continuously tell her stories of her father and aunts and uncles, I can tell she feels that things are different. I feel that Hope knows that her family isn't going to be around and I hate for her to grow up like that. I hope what ever plan it is that you have is working out in your favor. Just know that if you ever begin to feel lonely out there in New Orleans, you aren't alone. I have decided to put our differences aside. You are the only family Hope has left. I'd rather not keep her away from someone that has stronger connection to her uncle then I will ever have or understand.

While I would say be safe out there, I don't think that applies to you. You are the unkillable one.

Hayley

Elizabeth laughed and shook her head as she placed the letter down on the desk in her room. She ran her hand through her hair before noticing that her hair had blood in it. Rolling her eyes slightly she stood and actually looked at herself in the mirror. She was currently covered in blood and hadn't bothered cleaning herself off just yet. She had just gotten back to the compound after a long day of 'persuading' a few vampires. Seeing as Elizabeth and Vincent were trying to bring some peace back to the city, some of the vampires didn't agree and as punishment, Elizabeth did what she thought was necessary.

In the past six months, Elizabeth managed to focus more on New Orleans. Restoring the balance between the supernatural beings and the humans had managed to make its way up to the top of her easy list. It was easier to deal with the cities problems as they came. While Elizabeth knew that other things were far more important, this had been more of her day job and her weekday job. Come nightfall and those weekends, Elizabeth was out doing everything she possibly could to find the cures she needed. Tonight, she had would be going to check on the progress of been close to finding Freya's cure.

Elizabeth sighed as she walked into the bathroom and grabbed a wash rag to wipe off the blood. Looking in the mirror, she seen that blood not only covered her hair, but most of her face and clothes. She shook her head slightly and got most of the blood out of her hair and was about to change when there was a knock on her room door. Putting the towel down, she walked out to her room and saw Vincent standing there in the doorway.

"Yes?" She asked as she looked at him for a moment before walking towards her closet.

"They are here." Vincent said from his spot. Elizabeth sighed and nodded.

"I am going to change and then I will be down there." She said before grabbing some clothes from the closet.

"I'll tell them you'll be down in five then." He said before turning away from the door.

"Make it three." Elizabeth said walking behind the changing wall.

Elizabeth sat at the head of the table. Sitting with her at the table with her was, Mary, Vincent and the Mayor of New Orleans. This had actually been the first time they had met since Elizabeth got everyone to agree on that they need for peace between them. Mary had been there representing the Wolves while Hayley was gone. Vincent of course was there for the witches and the mayor for the humans.

"Now, my proposal is simple," Elizabeth said as she looked at everyone. "I would like for us to actually live in peace here in the city. In doing so, I know we will hit some bumps along the way." She looked over at Vincent for a moment. "Having the witches practice magic is their right, no one should keep them from doing what they were born to do." She then looked at Mary and gave her a small smile. "I would like for your people to feel welcomed to live in the city without fear of a witch or a vampire placing some kind of curse on them or without them feeling that they have been forced to stay in the Bayou forever." She looked over at the Mayor. "As always the people of New Orleans are the most important. I'd like for the past terms of keeping the locals safe and allowing vampires to only feed off the tourists to be left intact."

"What about the Vampires, Elizabeth?" Mary asked and Elizabeth gave a smirk as she looked at them.

"Marcel had a loyalty thing where many of them walked the night and it took loyalty and trust to earn a daylight ring. I would like to keep that the same. But, I will not hesitate to put the fear in any vampire that does not follow some of my own rules that I will have enforced. The vampires that have been living in the city and have been following the rules are more than welcome to stay, the others..." Elizabeth shrugged slightly. "They will be handled how I see fit."

"Which is what?" The Mayor asked. "Keep them in some cement prison like Marcel had?"

"Look," Vincent said looking over at him. "Elizabeth invited me earlier to watch a meeting she had with the vampires that reside in the city. While some had agreed to what Elizabeth was saying, a few had threatened and even attempted afterwards to harm one of the witches. Elizabeth did not hesitate to stop them and punish them in front of the others. Her sentencing seems fit to me for what they had done."

"And what sentence was that?"Mary asked looking at Elizabeth.

"Death." She said as if it had been nothing that she had just killed several vampires.

"So you plan to kill any vampire that just decides to break one of your rules?"

"When you are able to put fear into someone that knows you incapacitated the originals, it works wonders. Some will rebel and I will show no mercy for those that wish to cause trouble within the city."

"What about the Originals?" The Mayor asked. "From my understanding you still have Klaus Mikaelson's body hidden within this compound. What makes you think the others will not return for their brother?"

Elizabeth didn't answer right away. She sighed softly before looking at the Mayor. "The others will not be returning anytime soon. A witch has put them into a deep sleep and will not wake until she allows them to. Their lives are currently tied to their brother's life. That is the reason I have him hidden. Killing him means killing them."

"Where is the problem in that?" He asked with a smile. "Killing them kills their lines if I am not mistaken."

"Klaus's sire line had been severed." Elizabeth shook her head. "You would still have those he turned running about in the world. And I would not be here to stop them from having their fun in your city."

"How would you not be here? Aren't you an original now?" Mary asked.

Elizabeth chuckled. "While that may be true, my life is still connected to Elijah. Killing him might as well be signing my own death sentence. So keeping them alive for now is the best thing we have." She said with a small sigh. "But I won't lie to you, there will be a time where they return."

Before the Mayor or Mary could voice there worries with the originals returning, Vincent looked to them. "But when they do, they will be under Elizabeth's rules."

Mary scoffed. "And what happens the first time Elijah breaks one of your rules?" She asked looking at Elizabeth. "I watched Hayley change her views for that man before you came along and she sided with him even when he was in the wrong. How is it you will be able to give him a punishment if your life is tied to him?"

The thoughts alone hurt Elizabeth. She never wanted to even think about killing Elijah. And while he was currently sleeping in a coffin who knows where because of her, it still hurt to even think about the possibility of having to harm Elijah because of her rules. "We will cross that bridge if it ever comes." She said looking at Mary. "I don't see them coming home any time soon." Elizabeth stood from her seat. "That is all I have to say. I'd like for you to think on what I have said. Talk about it among your people and the next time we meet, we can go over anything you may wish to change." Elizabeth watched as they rest of them nodded and stood up from their seats and began to walk out of the room. She turned and started walking towards the opposite doorway that would lead back towards her room.

"Elizabeth." She heard Mary call out to her and she turned around.

"Yes?"Elizabeth asked as she took a few steps towards the woman.

"Have you heard anything from Hayley?" She asked.

Elizabeth nodded. "I received a letter from her today. She's safe, Mary."

"What is the point of her leaving the city and taking them with her?" Mary asked shaking her head.

"Because of mistakes I've made." Elizabeth said nodding slightly. "I asked her to take them out of the city and to find somewhere to stay. To start over in a way."

"Her people are here, Elizabeth." Mary said shaking her head. "She shouldn't be out there protecting them."

"That was her choice Mary. She decided to help me. She could have said to hell with me because I basically took the one person she actually loved away from her and right after, I incapacitated her daughter's father. But instead she didn't and she helped me out. She will come back here eventually. But right now, the safest place for her is being somewhere no one knows where. Klaus still has enemies out there even though the word has spread of what I've done. They wont hesitate to go after his loved one just so when he is no longer incapacitated that he will find that his family is gone. That is why I had her leave." Elizabeth took a few steps back. "If you'll excuse me, I have somewhere I need to be." She said before turning and walking away from Mary.

Elizabeth had driven two hours out of the city to reach a medical lab that she had found a month into her search for Freya's cure. Getting out of the car, Elizabeth walked to the back entrance and opened the door. Walking through the back of the lab, she walked down to the end of the hallway before making a right and opening the first door she saw. Inside she found woman looking through a microscope and she never once took her eyes off of it even as Elizabeth walked towards her.

"Something interesting?" Elizabeth asked as she reached the table where the woman stood.

"Always, Liz, always." She said as she adjusted the focus a bit before pulling her eyes away from the microscope.

"Is this interesting thing what I asked you to look into or is it something else?" Elizabeth had just been curious.

"Yours actually." The woman said as she wrote something down on a piece of paper before turning to look at Elizabeth.

"Please tell me you have something Lily." Elizabeth wanted to feel some excitement that this had only taken as long as it did to find the cure. But if there was nothing, she didn't want to feel the disappointment.

"I actually do." Lily said before picking up her notes. "I don't have the antidote just yet, but I feel close to getting it."

"How close are we talking?" Elizabeth asked watching as Lily got up from her seat and made her way to a filing cabinet.

"I'd say if I am lucky, another four or five months just to be sure." Elizabeth nodded feeling the disappointment slowly set in. Lily seen the look on her face. "Hey, you gave me a blood sample with a poison that I have never seen before, you even stumped my colleagues. Being four or five months out to finding the antidote is pretty damn impressive."

Elizabeth sighed. "Its good news, Lily. It is. I'm just disappointed in myself that I let my hopes get up thinking you already had it."

Lily smiled and chuckled. "I know I am pretty damn good at my job, but I am not that good to find an antidote in three months." Elizabeth smiled at the girl. She had been right though. Elizabeth had wanted Lily specifically. Elizabeth had stayed up several nights trying to find someone who could make an antidote for the poison that Freya had running through her system. Elizabeth had reached several dead end until she came across Lily. Lily had taken the challenge and hasn't stopped working on it.

"What ever it is that you are doing, Lily keep doing it." Elizabeth said with a nod.

Lily grimaced at her words. "I would, but I need another sample."

Elizabeth understood. She knew that the two vials of blood that she had taken from Freya would only last so long. She should have gotten more than that. Another sigh passed her lips and she nodded. "How much of it do you have left?" She asked.

"I have enough to get about another day of test trials. But after tomorrow, It wont be enough to do anything at all." Lily explained.

"I'll get it for you." Elizabeth said already trying to think of what to do. She could give Hayley a call, but she wasn't sure if Hayley had changed her number or anything.

"How would you even get another sample?" Lily asked. "From the rate this poison is moving, whoever had it should be dead by now."

Elizabeth chuckled. "She's not dead yet." She got wide eyes as an answer to her statement.

"H-how is she not?" She asked.

"That would be one of those if I told you I'd have to kill you and you wouldn't get paid type of things." Elizabeth said with a smile. It seemed like Lily understood right away as to what Elizabeth meant. She watched at Lily turned and opened a drawer. Once she had what was needed, she turned to Elizabeth and handed her a kit. "Thank you again Lily. I'll give you a call the moment I have a sample."

"Or just drop in like you usually do." Lily said with a shrug. "I never really leave here."

Elizabeth smiled. "Maybe if you get that antidote for me, after I pay you you should get out and actually see the world."

"We'll see." Lily said with a smile. Without another word, Elizabeth turned and walked out of the room and back out to her car.

Once she was in her car, she rested her head on the head rest. It had only been six months. That's all it had been. Yet, she was feeling like it was taking so much longer than she thought it would be to find the cures she needed. Another four or five months would get the antidote for Freya. That's how much time before she knew she had to do the one thing she wasn't looking forward to. Sighing she pulled out her phone and scrolled through it for Hayley's number. Finding it, she hesitated a moment before pressing call.

Hello? Hayley answered before the fourth ring.

"It's Liz." Elizabeth said into the phone.

I wasn't expecting a call from you anytime soon, honestly.

"I know." She said. "I got your letter today."

Yeah, I needed someway to vent out some feelings. But what I did say in there was true.

"I believe you." She nodded even though Hayley couldn't see her. "I'll have to take you up on that offer of getting out of New Orleans for a few days."

Things not going as planned? She could hear the worry in Hayley's voice.

"They are going just as planned. Speaking of which, Mary is worrying about you."

You spoke to Mary? There was disbelief in her voice.

"I needed someone from the wolves to act as a representative. It didn't take much convincing." Elizabeth shrugged.

Why didn't you ask me? I would have went back there.

"No." She shook her head. "The point was to get out of New Orleans and hide them. Mary stepped up and that was all I needed."

Elizabeth heard her sigh. How are things going with Freya's cure?

"It's getting pretty close. But that is what I was actually calling about."

What's wrong?

"I need a few more vials of Freya's blood. Lily needs it to finish the antidote she is working on."

Lily?

"Right, you dont know who she is. She's the best person I could find that is good at making antidotes for things that don't have one. She's close Hayley."

Alright, I'll text you the address. Should I be expecting you sometime tonight or tomorrow? Elizabeth looked at the time on her phone. It was already late.

"I'll be there sometime tomorrow." She decided.

I will see you tomorrow then. Without another word, they both hung up. Elizabeth kept her head back on the head rest and waited for a moment. If they were only six months into this whole thing, and had the cure for Rebekah and almost the cure for Freya, it wouldn't take much longer until they had the cure for her bite. But that in it's own was something she hoped that she could do with just the help of Lily. Unfortunately, only time would tell.

By the time it was well after noon, Elizabeth had already been almost to Hayley's house. She wasn't sure what she was going to expecting when she got there. She wondered if Freya already had the blood ready for her or would she allow her to see their bodies for a few moments. Elizabeth wondered where it was that Hayley was keeping them at. Part of her came up with what she had done to Malakai for all those years, a family crypt. But feeling like she knew Hayley a bit, Elizabeth thought that Hayley would want to keep them close. They needed to be close together for when she got all the cures for them.

When Elizabeth pulled up the address, she looked at the house she had pulled up to. It was decent enough for them to not look suspicious of anything. It had a nice yard and it had several of Hope's toys sitting in the corner by the front door. Elizabeth looked around and noticed that there were other families around them. She was blending in well. Elizabeth headed up the sidewalk up to the front door before knocking.

Hayley opened the door a minute later and invited Elizabeth in. They politely smiled at each other as Elizabeth walked in and Hayley closed the door behind her. As Elizabeth looked around the house, she could see that Freya had been busy the last few months. There were several pictures hanging on the walls. Some looked like they had been taken before she had left New Orleans while others were more obvious that they had been from afterwards.

"I'm gonna be completely honest with you Hayley." Elizabeth said as she turned and looked to Hayley. "I wasn't expecting you to find anything residential."

Hayley laughed. "Were you expecting something surrounded by trees or moats?" Hayley asked walking towards the kitchen.

Elizabeth followed her and nodded. "Exactly what I was expecting."

"Well, sorry to burst your bubble." Hayley said as she washed her hands and went back to what she had started cooking before Elizabeth had came. "But you wont find any of that here."

"That may be a good thing." Elizabeth said leaning on the island. "This seems like the perfect place to raise Hope." Hayley looked over at Elizabeth.

"I don't plan on raising her here for long, Liz." She said shaking her head. "As soon as all the cures have been found and they are awake, we are going back to New Orleans."

"We don't know how long that will take Hayley." Elizabeth said sighing. "Yes, we have the cure for Rebekah. Give it another five months and we will have one for Freya. But what about them? You had that lab destroyed with all the research they had been doing. I don't know how long it is going to take to get a cure made."

"A year is what it took for Lucien to make the damn thing."

"I'm not him. I don't have that type of man power to do what he did. But then again, he was creating something to kill them, we are trying to find a way to cure it. It could take some time."

"Time that she spends away from her father." Hayley sighed and shook her head. "Look, Liz, I am trying to hold on to the hope that we can get this done before she's old enough to actually care that we will have to move or that we are leaving her friends behind or if it even gets to that point where she will want to stay behind because of a boyfriend. Either way, he is going to miss it all and I can't do anything about it. She needs her father."

Elizabeth sighed and looked down at her hands. Elizabeth didn't know what it was like to grow up without a father figure in her life. At the same time, she knew the feeling of not having exactly what you wanted for your child. "We'll get through this, Hayley. She said looking back up at her. "You know I will try everything I can to make sure we get them awake and cured before that little girl is dating and wanting to make decisions on her own."

Hayley nodded. "Good. Because even I know as much as Hope needs her father, you need to see Elijah as well. I know living several hours away from him, even if he is in a deep sleep, must be hard."

"It is at times." Elizabeth admitted. "There are nights where I think all of this is just a bad dream and when I wake up and find the compound empty, I know its all real." She sighed and thought for a moment. "Where are you even keeping them?" She asked Hayley.

"Below your feet." Hayley said with a small smile. Elizabeth raised an eyebrow and Hayley chuckled. "There is a basement. I keep them down there. Hiding them anywhere else just seemed to dangerous."

"Good to know." Elizabeth said with a nod. "On the way over here I was honestly racking my brain with ideas of where you would have hidden them."

Hayley smiled and looked at the time. "Why don't you go down there and get the blood you need and visit him for a minute." She said walking over to a door and unlocking it with a key. "Afterwards we can have dinner and if you'd like you can stay the night and leave in the morning. I know Hope has been dying for a familiar face."

Elizabeth nodded and began walking towards the door. "Where is Hope anyway?"

"Taking a nap. " Hayley said with a nod. "Without one, that girl would be running around this house non stop, believe me." Elizabeth smiled at the thought of Hope running around causing trouble for Hayley.

"She's going to be trouble when she gets older." She said as she started making her way down the stairs.

"Tell me about it." Hayley said shaking her head. "Oh, Freya is on the far right and Elijah on the far left." She called down almost forgetting to tell Elizabeth. It would make things easier for her instead of having to open each on up to find out who was inside each one.

"Thanks." Elizabeth called up as she reached the bottom step. She looked around the basement and sighed. All four coffins had been lined up almost in the same way they had been in the moving truck six months ago. She walked over to Elijah's and ran her hand along the lid before turning and walking towards Freya. Lifting the lid up, looked down at Freya and smiled a little. Pulling out the kit Lily had given her, she went to work on getting what she needed.

When she finished pulling out the blood she needed from Freya and stuck them in her pocket. She looked down at Freya one last time and sighed. "So close, Freya and then I will only have to worry about your brothers." She closed the lid and looked at the other coffins. She walked over to Elijah's and hesitated opening it. She knew that there would be no changes. He would just be asleep. She knew he was waiting for her to find the cure for him. And while she wondered what it was he was going through that head of his, she would never know until he woke up. She had no idea what Freya had done with the spell. For all Elizabeth knew, they were all stuck in their own heads until they would be awoken.

Finally making a decision, Elizabeth lifted the lid. Looking down at his sleeping form, she smiled slightly. It was good to see him, but this didn't feel the same at all. She wanted to see the light in his eyes and to see the color return to his face. he ran her hand along his cheek and shook her head. "One cure down, another almost done and then there will be yours. " She said to him even though she knew he couldn't hear her. "I'm trying. I promise."

Elizabeth heard something behind her and she turned around. She found Hope standing there holding a teddy bear. Elizabeth smiled at her. "Does mom let you come down here?" She asked. Her answer was a huge grin and a shake of the little girl's head. Elizabeth chuckled and shook her head before walking over to Hope and picking her up. "I won't tell her if you don't."

Hope nodded and then pointed towards Elijah's coffin. Elizabeth looked back and realized she hadn't closed the lid. Walking back over to it, she was getting ready to close the lid when Hope reached for her hand.

"No." She said almost giving Elizabeth a glare. Elizabeth raised her eyebrow and looked at Hope.

"I'm getting a glare from an almost three year old." She said sighing. "Okay Hope, we can look at Uncle Elijah for a few minutes before I take you back upstairs." She took a step closer to the coffin and leaned over it a bit for Hope to see. It seemed like the moment she saw that Elijah was laying there, a smile grew on her face. Elizabeth smiled and placed her hand on top of Elijah's. As slightly awkward it was to be having a moment of just looking at him with his niece in her arms, it had been nice. She just wished that she could actually see them. Elizabeth had closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them, she was no longer in the basement.

Elizabeth held Hope close to her as she looked around at where they were. Elizabeth had been confused as she saw a green grass field. One moment she had been looking down at Elijah and the next, she was wherever she was with Hope. She turned in a circle as she looked around her before looking at Hope. "Your mom is going to kill me." She said as she began walking in a direction she had no clue where it would lead to. After walking for a bit, a house was seen in the distance.

Elizabeth sighed and when she looked down at Hope. She seemed have a huge grin on her face and began pointing towards the house. Elizabeth raised an eyebrow and looked towards where Hope was pointing towards. There was movement in the house and Elizabeth couldn't quiet tell who was in there, but who ever it was, it seemed like Hope was excited to see them.

"Down." Hope said looking at Elizabeth. She wanted out of her arms and to be standing on her own.

"I'm not so sure that is a good idea, Hope." Elizabeth said as she continued walking. She didn't know where they were or who was in the house. She wasn't sure she could trust this place with the child.

"Down." Hope whined as she attempted to push herself down Elizabeth's body. Elizabeth sighed and placed her down on the ground but securely placing the girl's hand in hers. Just as they were about to start walking, Elizabeth heard the front door being opened.

"I'm telling you, I sense another witch here." Elizabeth heard a woman say. She picked up Hope once more and hid behind the hedge that surrounded a garden. She looked to Hope and held a single finger up to her lips gesturing for Hope to stay silent.

"How is it even possible? This was a spell you created." A man said and it caused Elizabeth to freeze in her spot. She knew that voice anywhere. She felt her heart speed up at the simple hope that this wasn't her mind playing tricks on her.

"What is it?" Another man asked.

"It's like I can feel that she is so close. Almost as if she is right here with us." That was all the confirmation Elizabeth needed and she moved herself and Hope out of their hiding spot and rounded the corner into the garden where she saw them standing there.

"It's because I am." There was excitement in her voice and she watched as they all turned towards them. At first there was a shocked looked on their faces to see them there and then they were replaced with grins.

"I knew I felt another witch." Freya said looking at Hope. Elizabeth placed Hope down on the ground once more and it seemed that Hope had been excited to see Freya that she ran to the woman. Freya and Rebekah laughed and smiled at Hope as Freya picked her up.

Elijah seemed to be holding a breath since he had turned and seen Elizabeth and Hope standing there. He couldn't believe it at first and even as his niece ran past him, it didn't seem real. Even as he watched as Elizabeth walk towards him, he wasn't sure she was real. The last six months he had not seen her face or even heard her voice. And right now, he didn't know how to act.

"She is standing right in front of you if that is what you are wondering." Kol said leaning into his brother for a moment. It caused Elijah to shake his head and Elizabeth to chuckle as she looked at the brothers.

"Kol," Elizabeth said giving him a slight nod. He returned the nod with one of his own and turned and went with his sisters and his niece.

It seemed that the moment Kol walked away, that was all the two had needed. Elijah took a step closer to her and pulled her to him before bringing his lips down to hers. They both had no idea how long she would be where they were. There was no way to tell if one moment she would be there with him still in his arm or if with in the next minute she would be back in the real world. What scared them both the most was if she disappeared in a moment and she wasn't able to return. They would both have to wait until he awoke. They were clinging on to each other as if it was their last.

[bluelixn]

For You, I’d Steal the Stars By: BlueLionWrites on AO3 For MoonlitPaladin When Allura sets Shiro up with a date for her wedding on Valentine’s Day, he doesn’t think it’ll go well but instead he meets the one person he wants to spend every Valentine’s Day with from now until forever. February 13 2019 Lance’s gaze was taken, a soft smile lilting his lips as he peered down at the white gold band sitting perfectly on his ring finger, the light filtering in through the sheer curtains of their living room glinted off of the smooth metal and the beautiful black star sapphire set in the centre of the band. Shiro had found the stone on one of his many trips abroad and had kept ahold of it for many years before having it made into the ring he proposed to Lance with. There was nowhere Lance would rather be right now, sitting in bed, perched comfortably between his husbands legs, broad arms wrapped around his middle as they watched some terrible soap opera Shiro was rather invested in. An open bag of chips sat beside them, neglected in favour of Lance tracing patterns along the back of Shiro’s arm, humming lowly in contentment. “Whatcha think about baby?” Shiro murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of Lance’s head. Lance interlaced his fingers with Shiro’s, raising his husband’s hand to his lips to press a kiss to the backs of his knuckles, “I’m thinking that the main dude on that TV show of yours is kinda hot” he teased, laughing as Shiro jabbed him in the side playfully, rolling him down the mattress and pinning Lance beneath his body weight and peppering Lance’s face with wet kisses. When their laughter finally died down, Lance spoke.“I just can’t believe tomorrow is our anniversary… I love you so much Mr Shirogane” he murmured, cupping Shiro’s face and leaning up to press a gentle kiss to his lips. “I love you more Mr Shirogane” July 22nd 2013 “Shiro! My beautiful best friend in the entire universe, the yin to my yang, the light of my life, funny seeing you here! How are you?” Allura cooed, flicking her hair over her shoulder as she slid into the cracked leather booth across from Shiro with a grin on her face that only spelled trouble. The Kaltenecker Creamery was famous for their milkshakes and currently Shiro was sipping his with little interest, peering across at Allura with a suspicious squint. “I know that face, Allura. Oh god, what did you do and how did you know I was here?” Shiro asks worriedly, peering across at his best friend who was currently pretending to read over the menu with immense interest as Shiro sipped on his Cherry Bomb Milkshake. Allura pressed her palm to her chest dramatically and gasped, a mock look of shock twisting her features, “What? How could you say such a thing? Can’t a girl run into her best friend by pure happenstance?” Shiro merely raised an eyebrow, arms folding over his broad chest.Allura sighed “Fine, I called Keith and he told me. Do you want to get some lunch? My treat?”. “You’re trying to butter me up because you’ve done something I’m probably not gonna want to hear… Need I remind you of the piñata incident?” Shiro returned, raising both eyebrows expectantly over at Allura before taking another sip of his milkshake. Allura grimaced and shook her head; “You promised we would never again speak of the piñata incident but… and I know what you’re going to say but I don’t care because I know you’ll love him…” she trailed off, clapping her hands together excitedly. “I found you a date for my wedding”. Valentine’s Day 2014 Shiro was honestly speechless as he peered around the beautiful room he and Allura had arrived in, dropping his luggage in the corner where it wouldn’t get underfoot. They were in the Penthouse Suite of an absolutely stunning hotel with sweeping marble floors, crystal chandeliers and rich purple and silver accents, apparently it was owned by a friend of Allura’s and currently the wedding party for both brides was occupying the space; Shiro, the bridesmaids, a couple make-up artists and hairdressers, a photographer and a member of the hotels staff on hand in case they needed anything. Along an ornate wrack held their outfits; perfectly pressed and cleaned, ready to be handed out so everyone could dress now that their hair and make-up was finished. Allura grinned widely, hurrying across the room and pulling the intruder into a tight hug, careful not to mess up the stunning up-do her hair had been transformed into. Shiro’s lips parted in a silent ‘oh’ as he took in the stranger currently being crushed in Allura’s embrace; beautiful tanned skin and soft brown hair that fell across mischievous eyes, a cheeky grin and the lithe body of a swimmer that had Shiro subconsciously checking for drool dripping down his chin. “I’m so glad you could make it here for the wedding” Allura exclaimed, pulling away. “Shiro, come here!” Allura beckoned him over, “Shiro, this is Lance, Romelle’s best friend. He lives down in Miami and couldn’t fly in until the day of the wedding.” Shiro nodded dumbly, offering his hand to Lance to shake and flushing pink as the brunet raised his hand to his lips, pressing a chaste kiss to the skin there with a small smirk, “Romelle told me you were hot but she seems to have left out the part where panties must hit the floor whenever you enter a room”. “Lance!” Allura admonished, breaking out into a fit of giggles at the sight of Shiro’s expression. “I- uh… you- thank-you?“ Shiro spluttered, cheeks turning a nice shade of beet red as he laughed nervously to avoid trying to form a coherent sentence. He was utterly entranced by Lance who beamed at him, letting go of his hand in order to mingle with the rest of the bridal party. Allura clapped her hands together, ushering the two of them into the adjoining closet in order to change, two of the bridesmaids handing them their suits as they went. Allura patted Shiro on the shoulder, “you’re welcome” she mouthed, sending Shiro a wink before draping her silk robe on the California king and pulling her dress from the rack. - The wedding was a beautiful affair; with soft pink flower petals decorating the aisle, fairy lights strewn throughout the trees and a beautiful ceremony that had even Shiro tearing up a little. As the reception progressed and Allura and Romelle began their first dance as a couple, Shiro found himself standing beside Lance, the soft lights reflecting in ocean blue eyes and honestly, he found he could scarcely tear his gaze away. As their dance drew to a close and applause sounded from every corner of the spacious hall, Shiro turned to Lance, offering him his hand. “Will you dance with me?” New Years Eve 2014 When the wedding had drawn to a close, Shiro and Lance had ended up returning to Lance’s hotel room, feet aching something terrible from dancing together for most of the night and falling into effortless conversation; exchanging stories from their childhoods and embarrassing moments throughout their lives. Before they knew it, the sun was rising above the horizon, filtering through the heavy curtains to announce the dawn of a new day. They spent the next few days together, touring the sites that California had to offer before exchanging numbers at the airport when Lance left to board his flight, pressing a chaste kiss to Shiro’s cheek before disappearing into the crowd. Due to their conflicting schedules and living on opposite sides of the country, it had taken a while for Shiro to ask Lance out on a proper date, wanting to be there in person when he did. They had spoken every day since the wedding, sending one another texts throughout the day and spending hours every weekend talking to one another on the phone or over Skype. Sometimes Lance would send selfies asking for Shiro’s opinion on his outfit and photos of him and his friends during outings or at music festivals and as Shiro stood in Lance’s doorway, it all felt entirely surreal. And now, here they were; dining on oven-cooked chicken nuggets and glasses of white wine, waiting for the countdown of the New Year to begin on the television. When the countdown began, Shiro put his glass down on the small table beside the armrest and interlocked his fingers with Lance’s. The TV was a faint buzz in the background as they both leant in, Shiro’s palm gently cupping Lance’s face as their lips brushed, slowly deepening as the countdown reached zero and cheers erupted on the screen. “Happy New Year, Lance” Shiro whispered as they pulled apart, eyes glowing with affection. “Happy New Year, Shiro” Lance murmured in return, pulling Shiro in for another kiss. Valentine’s Day 2015 Shiro’s flight had landed in the late afternoon the day before Valentine’s and as he exited the plane and entered the terminal, the sight of Lance waiting for him filled him with joy. He bumped into people, mumbling apologies as he rushed through the crowd, inching closer and closer to Lance. When he finally reached Lance, luggage all but forgotten, he pulled Lance against him, kissing him senseless, arms encircling his slender waist. “God, I’ve missed you so much” he breathed, crushing Lance against his chest, only pulling back to pepper Lance’s face with kisses. When they finally broke apart and made it back to Lance’s apartment, they spent the night with homemade pizza, Lance sitting in his lap, head tucked under Shiro’s chin as they watched movies, basking in one another’s company. As Valentine’s Day dawned, Lance’s phone rang incessantly at the ass-crack of dawn. Even though he had taken the day off months in advance, he had to be called in for a work emergency. Lance worked at the Sealife Park, caring for the animals in rehabilitation and one of the dolphins had gone into labour but there were some complications and needed his help. With a quick kiss goodbye, an order to make himself at home and a sincere apology, Lance rushed out the door, grabbing his keys as he ran past. The plans for their date now promptly disbanded led Shiro to his current predicament because even though they couldn’t go on their date, he still wanted to do something special for Lance and had told him as much via text. Shiro pulled on some oven mitts and said a prayer that he wouldn’t mess this up. - Okay, so he may have messed up.Everything had turned into a complete and utter disaster; somehow Shiro had managed to set his forelock on fire, the once white hair now singed beyond repair, the cookies on the tray were nothing short of char-grilled, now only recognizable as barbeque coals, he then dropped the bowl of green icing onto the floor which had then proceeded to splatter across every single surface, appearing as if Slimer from Ghostbusters had been brutally slaughtered in Lance’s kitchen and he then went on to melt a plastic container to the stovetop which he’d accidentally turned on with his hip while trying to clean up the icing… and then the doorbell rang. Shiro cursed loudly and colourfully, hurrying over to the door with a grimace marring his features. No amount of running his fingers through his hair or brushing off his clothes was going to help this disaster. Shiro groaned and pulled opened the door, donned in Lance’s ‘May I Suggest the Sausage apron’ decorated with a picture of a hand that pointed down to his groin, lobster claw oven mitts, a half burned forelock and black lion slippers. “Hey Hunk! Lance isn’t here at the moment; he got called into work unexpectedly. Do you wanna come in?” Shiro asks, stepping aside to allow Hunk into Lance’s apartment, wincing at the state of the kitchen. “I came to see you, actually” Hunk beamed, “Lance called me from work saying you were baking him something special and asked me to check up on you considering your, uh… history with cooking”. “Oh and I made these for you to give to Lance, figured they would be less… hazardous to his health” Shiro smiled sheepishly, rubbing at the back of his neck as he nodded in agreement, accepting the Tupperware container filled to bursting with Hunk’s secret recipe triple choc snickers cookies. “Thank-you Hunk, you’re a lifesaver!” Shiro sighed “The last thing I want to do is give Lance food poisoning and right now, we’d be spending the rest of Valentine’s Day in the ER if he ate the cookies I made”. - After seeing the state of the kitchen, Hunk, being the absolute angel he was, helped Shiro clean it from top to bottom; ridding it of the very green, sloppy icing and the lumps of coal that had once been store bought cookie dough balls. Shiro ducked away briefly to cut away the singed parts of his hair and returned to scrape the plastic from the stovetop with immense difficulty. Eventually Hunk had to leave, saying he needed to get back to the bakery he and his wife, Shay, owned and bade Shiro farewell with a clap on the back and a big grin. When Lance finally returned home from work, dead tired and hungry, the kitchen was glistening. After showering, Shiro thoroughly washing Lance’s hair for him, they changed into their pyjamas, nestling onto the couch together to watch shitty romcoms, devouring Hunk’s amazing cookies for dinner and if Lance noticed Shiro’s fringe was significantly shorter than when he left for work this morning, he didn’t say anything. Valentine’s Day 2016 With Shiro off work for the week, Lance decided to take him to all of his favourite places, starting with the beautiful beach that was only a ten minute drive from his apartment. He took Shiro snorkeling for the first time and they spent the late afternoon wandering the beach, hand in hand, collecting shells to bring home with them as souvenirs. When the sun had begun to set and the wind grew chilly they returned home. From their day in the sun, Lance was looking more radiant than ever, his skin practically glowing from the even tan, whereas Shiro, with his significantly paler skin, did not fair as well. The sunscreen disagreeing with his skin, leaving him raw red like an overcooked lobster. Once Shiro had been lovingly slathered in aloe vera, they sat comfortably on Lance’s old, blue couch, sipping champagne while an old Disney movie played. Lance twisted in place, hand buried beneath the plush couch cushions, pulling out a small rectangular box from the depths of the couch and pressing it into Shiro’s hands with a sheepish smile. “Baby, you didn’t have to get me anything” Shiro smiles warmly, tugging almost guiltily at the beautifully tied ribbon until it comes undone. When he eases the lid of the box off, he looks up at Lance questioningly, pulling out two uncut keys; one blue and one purple. “Well a few months ago we talked about maybe moving in together but never really talked about where the other would move to so that’s why the keys are uncut, I thought we could cut them together.” “Lance” Shiro breathed “This is… wow. I hope you’ll like the gift I got for you then” Shiro chuckles, handing Lance a card- sans envelope. “Read it” ‘Mr Shirogane, We are pleased to announce that your request to be transferred from the California office to the Miami office has been successful. Please collect your things and any outstanding assignments…’ Lance trailed off, looking over at Shiro with wide eyes and a hopeful smile. “You’re moving to Miami?” Shiro nodded, grinning from ear to ear as Lance tackled him into a hug, the pair of them falling from the couch and landing on the floor with a loud thud. Valentine’s Day 2017 Dearest Lance I’m sorry I couldn’t make it back to Miami for Valentine’s Day this year; hopefully I can make it up to you when I get back from this business meeting in Toronto in a few weeks time. I know you love things that are cliché and cheesy so I’m hopeful that this letter and the gift arriving later today, will be adequate enough to meet your standards of grand romantic gestures I wanted to write to you and tell you that these past two years with you have been the best years of my life and the last few months we’ve been apart have been nothing short of hell. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone and honestly, it scares me sometimes how much I can possibly love another person. My chest aches when we’re apart and it only stops when you’re safe in my arms again. You make everyday so much better than any other and I still can’t believe I’m lucky enough to call you mine. There is no one in the world more perfect for me than you, Lance and everyday you spend by my side is a gift I treasure dearly. You are my rock and my light to guide me home in the darkness. Before you, I felt like the shell of the man I once was but when I met you, it was if a whole new world opened before my eyes. Suddenly, the things I once thought were impossible were in my grasp. I have never met anyone that has such a profound effect on the people around them. You’re just so full of life and you find the beauty in everything, even someone like me. You touch the hearts of everyone around you without even trying and you’re effortlessly gorgeous, especially with bed hair and my old college tee-shirt. You cannot even begin to imagine how crazy I am about you. There is nothing in on earth that could ever equate to how beautiful you are to me, both inside and out. There is not a single star in the cosmos or a universe yet explored that could equate to you. I would go to the ends of the earth to make you happy and for you, I’d steal the stars from the sky just to see you smile.You are the one for me, Lance, and I want to spend forever with you Forever Yours, T.S. xoxo As Lance got to the end of the letter, the tears that had welled in his eyes were falling down his cheeks. He loved Shiro more than anything, more than he could say and with such a beautiful letter clutched to his chest, Lance wished, more than anything, that Shiro was here with him now. When the doorbell sounded, Lance jumped six feet, brushing the tears from his face as he rushed to the door. He, Hunk and Shay were going to have a movie night so he thought nothing of the doorbell as he threw it open, prepared to let his friends inside so they could binge Star Wars together. What he didn’t expect to see was Shiro, dressed in his grey pinstripe suit, kneeling on his doorstep, a small red velvet box in one hand and a bouquet of blue roses in the other. Lance’s jaw dropped, his entire body freezing up as he processed what was happening. “Lance McClain… I hope this grand romantic gesture makes up for my absence these last few months….Will you marry me?” Valentine’s Day 2018

“Do you, Takashi Shirogane, take Lance Charles McClain to be your lawfully wedded husband?” “I do” Shiro grinned, tears shining in his eyes as he slid the simple band down Lance’s slender finger. “And do you Lance Charles McClain, take Takashi Shirogane to be your lawfully wedded husband?” “I do” Lance nodded enthusiastically, tears welling and beginning to fall as he slid the wedding band down Shiro’s finger. Grinning up at his husband with an expression of nothing but pure love and joy. "I now pronounce you husband and husband, Shiro, you may now kiss-“ Lance didn’t wait for the officiant to finish, throwing his arms around Shiro’s neck and pulling him into a deep kiss. Applause erupted throughout the church, echoing throughout the high rafters "I love you so much Mr Shirogane” Lance murmured against Shiro’s lips, their noses brushing. “I love you more Mr Shirogane” Shiro returned, grinning at his new husband before pulling him into another kiss.

[akxyaptn-blog]

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[cantdance]

carlycrays replied to your photo “marvel writers and editors trying to decide what to do with loki in an...”

Oh, sweet summer child, you clearly don't know how this works. Loki literally can't stay dead. That's a canon rule. Also, while Marvel hasn't had the best track record with the transgender community, when have they made transphobic jokes at Loki's expense?

nothing has ever made me jump out of bed and race to my computer faster than seeing this message. what is it this weekend that makes people feel like they need to answer my joke posts with a novel telling me how dumb i am?

first of all, allow me to allay your fears. at this point i have read over 400 issues of the original 1966 thor series, and i am still working my way through the rest. ive also read several of the modern retellings of the old comics, journey into mystery (2011) with kid loki and all the tie-ins, loki: agent of asgard, both of the angela series, vote loki, jane fosters entire run as the mighty thor, loki: sorcerer supreme, infinity wars (2018), the current thor series, and now war of the realms. ive also read a little thing called the mythology, as well as a few other modern adaptations. so, to recap, thats easily around 500 issues of asgardian comics, as well as the originating material, and assorted other sources. i know what the fuck im talking about, and i am not your sweet summer child, you condescending ass.

beside that, i am a real human being deserving of basic respect, and if this were actually a case of me not knowing something, you could easily communicate that without being so patronizing. people do it all the time! there are tons of things that i dont know about. unfortunately for you, this is the one thing i know a LOT about.

as for when loki has been subjected to transphobic jokes, well, thanks for giving me an excuse to make a post that ive been meaning to make for a while now. let me start off by saying: loki is genderfluid, and i am genderfluid myself. this list contains things that i personally found to be insulting or uncomfortable. not every trans person may agree with me, but that doesnt mean it doesnt need further examination. this list may also not be exhaustive because im not going to spend hours trawling through comics at 10:30 in the morning no matter how badly i want to prove you wrong.

we all know that loki was officially recognized as transgender and bi/pansexual (depending on your preference i guess, i like them as pan) in loki: agent of asgard (2014). however, never once does anyone in the series use any of the actual WORDS to communicate this. never does anyone say “genderfluid” or “transgender” or “bi” or “pan” or “queer” or even “lgbt”. odin calls them “my child who is both a son and a daughter” which is very binary and not a great take on genderfluidity, but hey, odin right? this isnt part of the list, i just think its something that people need to talk about more.

anyway, after that is when the bullshit starts. i mean, ignoring how making loki a queer-coded villain from the beginning was scuzzy, ignoring the almost 50 years time where they did play that role, and ignoring the whole lady loki thing where they were pretty much portrayed as a man pretending to be a woman. heres the list:

vote loki (2016) issue 1 by christopher hastings and langdon foss

loki “turns into a woman” because it might do better in the polls. the reporter whose name i dont care to look up points this out because thats a totally acceptable thing to do when you see a trans person. after these few pages it never comes up again. lokis genderfluidity is being used for a cheap joke here. dont even get me started on how female-presenting loki is portrayed as being more clean and feminine than male-presenting loki, which is in and of itself a form of transphobia: that transgender women have to be ultra feminine to be accepted as the gender they are.

the mighty thor (2015) issue 3 by jason aaron and russell dauterman

loki summons a bunch of other versions of themselves for seemingly no reason, and of course all of them are presenting in a masculine way because lokis genderfluidity is only acknowledged when convenient. lady loki from dark reign pops up and says that since shes the only REAL female loki, its her job to fight jane as thor. now, im not going to sit here and unpack all of that for you, so please fire up your critical thinking skills and try to decide why exactly this is bad.

infinity wars (2018) issue 5 by gerry duggan and mike deodato jr

i went and scanned my physical copy of this just for you. here we see loki leading their team to talk to the child version of gamora who lives inside the soul stone. once they get there, emma says that she and ms marvel will go in alone because it “calls for a womans touch” and loki would just get them killed. in case youre missing the subtext, emma is saying here that loki cant do this, but a woman can, which means she is calling loki a fake woman, or at best, shes completely ignoring their gender and calling them a man.

these are just the three examples that stick out the most in my mind. its worth mentioning that the only time loki has “become a woman” (i hate using this phrase btw) is in those couple pages in vote loki, and the only time that loki has been actively called genderfluid was in squirrel girl (2015) issue 27. yknow, squirrel girl. the series that no one takes seriously and will insist isnt canon even though it is?

there is a very insidious form of quiet transphobia simply in the fact that no one at marvel will acknowledge lokis identity, much less say it out loud or use the correct terminology. in fact, ever since agent of asgard (the series that cemented lokis trans and pan-ness) ended, many writers including jason aaron and gerry duggan have all but ignored that it happened, erasing the progress that loki made as a person as well as their newly gained autonomy and, indirectly, the fact that they were ever confirmed as genderfluid and pansexual.

one last thing that i want to say is that while it may be a rule that loki never stays dead, subjecting a trans and gay character to repeated deaths for the sake of furthering plot is NOT a good thing. having the gay come back does not erase the fact that you buried them in the first place. being that loki is amab, this is extra sketchily tied to violence against trans women, which is a point that we all need to consider.

[theblondegoesabroad]

Day 596 and 597

Saturday 18th September

This morning we had a bit of a sleep in, Benoit was tired from the drive and we both felt like staying in bed for a bit. Once we got up, we got dressed and headed to our favourite little coffee shop at Berdorf, there is only one, but it is super cute, filled with little knick knacks and organic produce. There we had our coffees for the morning and also picked up the bread we needed for the weekend. Then off to the crag, we parked the van, got our climbing bags packed and headed down to the rocks. We climbed a few warm up routes, before heading to the bigger walls to climb some harder projects. It was a really good day of climbing, it took me a while to get into it, but benoit aced it, and climbed a 7c! It was clean up day at Berdorf this weekend, which meant there were a heap of people there, cleaning the routes, and the surrounding area, we did a bit too to help as it is important to preserve the beautiful area. Unfortunately for Benoit though, they were cleaning intensively the two routes that he wanted to work on this weekend, so instead he had to pick some other things to try. After a good day of climbing, well better for benoit than for me, it takes me a while to get back into the style of climbing on real rocks, it is a completely different feeling, there is so much more to think about and focus on, and it takes a while to get used to that additional stress of wlimbing on lead. But usually after one day, I am used to it, we really need to try and get outside more, but with the weather that we have had, we really havent had the opportunity, cant wait for our big trip where we can just climb no stop, it is going to be great to get back into the climbing mindset! Anyway, after our day of climbing and lunching and making the most of the area, we headed back to the van to drop off our gear and then grab some chips and beers for a little picnic. We walked through the forest and found a nice little spot to have our nibbles. Then back to the van for our evening, we were really looking forward to having the van for the evening, it makes cooking and getting changed and everything just so much easier. Usually, we use the BBQs in the camp area for dinner, and although we planned to have a BBQ again tonight we decided to make the most of the facilities of the van and make dinner there, so we headed off to our little parking spot and then cooked a delicious dinner, sausages and a couscous salad. Before heating up some water for a quick wash and then into bed and ready for a cosy night in the van watching a movie. Pablo has a great little set up so we made the most of it!

Sunday 19th September

Since there were so many people yesterday at the climbing spot, today we decided to hit the rocks early and get on our projects as fast as possible. We did one warm up route and then onto my projects. Benoit put the rope up for me on the 6c+ I decided to work on for the day, and then I practised that on top rope for a while. Then we had a go at a 7b, which was way to hard for me, but fun to practise as it will be good to see the progess. Then it was back to the 6c+ for me, this time I climbed it on lead, which was not as easy as the whole mental game starts to play a big part. The first part of the climb, which is the easy part, I was not mentally prepared and didn’t climb well. But once I got control of the mental game, I managed to climb the harder part a lot better. It is a long route, probably like 30m high, so by the time I got to the top, I was knackered, the more you stress, the more you zap your energy from putting too much force into your forearms, and honestly, by the time I got to the top, my forearls were very very tired! But it was a good attempt and although I fell a lot of times, I was glad that I put the effort in to climb it on lead, I think if I had an extra day, I would be close to doing the route! After my first lead attempt, we stopped for lunch, once again, a delicious lunch of hummus, fresh bread and this time salad leftovers (Benoit also made croutons cooked in the left over sausage fat – not so good for the arteries, but very delicious), so after our big lunch, watching the other climbers and the light through the trees, I attempted my route again. This time I climbed it so much better, I managed to control the mind a lot more and pretty much climbed all the easy part of the route without stopping, which was a good progress. There were three crux moves, which means that there are three parts of the route that are the hard moves that the grade is based on. I managed to do the first and second crux move pretty easily, clipped the quick draw and then took a break, but the last move was a move where you have to jump for a hold, and after the weekend of climbing, I left I was just tired and didn’t have the energy, I did managed to do it, but it wasn’t pretty! But over all, super proud of myself, I really progressed and for a route which is pretty tough, I managed to get all the moves pretty quickly. If only we had a few more days, one to rest and one to complete the route without a break! But hey, that is why we have projects! At around 2, my muscles were ready to give up and Benoit didn’t have any projects that he absolutely wanted to try, so he finished off with a 7a+ and then we packed up and headed home. The drive back was slow but nice, we had a lot to talk about, and got excited all over again for our next adventures! When we got back home we unpacked, cleaned up and vaccummed the van for Pablo, put all is stuff back in it, slightly more organised than how we found it, and then got all our things unpacked. It was an efficient clean up! Then upstairs for a bath, oh how good it felt to get properly clean, with all the chalk and grit for the rock, you don’t feel fully clean until you have had a good soak, so it was well needed and very lovely! For dinner, once again, Joelle and Paul made a roast chicken for dinner, Nanie, Benoit and Marie came for dinner which was nice, it was good to have the company! then off to bed for an early night and bit of book reading!

Love Kate xxx

[shytiff]

September 2021

1 - MTBS 0 pt. tried out kopsus from jannor coffee with gofood pickup promo (10k). it tasted nutty and yummy even though it seems to use regular milk. but its kinda hot. the ac was not satisfactory. finished up the word for Prof. bought jasuke on the way back. filled out IDI form since i still have energy. 

2 - mtbs again but this time its 3 patients at the same time. vcalled with kris. bought some snacks in hypermart. exercised a bit and played badminton with renata. watched 3 eps of nanno. 

3 - my body aches and it will be wonderful to sleep again but its already 6:40. usila today. the ac in kamar jaga was no longer cold. finally finished moms box of brownies from like 2 weeks ago. read dear benjamin. got to enjoy some silence because i napped before maghrib and the others slept early. 

4 - vaccine in GCD with teh fitri, teh fany and teh rahmi. about 440ish patients. gossiped about cibeber lmao. watched the hitman’s bodyguard. samuel and ryan was hilarious. 

5 - morning walk with renata. saw cilegon’s cfd. cleaned up the room accompanied by howl’s soundtrack. made spaghetti with instant bolognese sauce, egg and cheese. o seven with tri nagita. just saw prof’s email from 2nd sept, shit. tried to get some headspace to do ppt.

6 - bp with nessa (originally kia/ugd). except therere some patients in ugd lol. did excision for clavus (1st timer!) and hecting. fried tempe (1st timer!) using someone’s leftover oil lmaooo

7 - BP with zihan. had spaghetti combined with cheese egg and mom’s chicken for lunch. instant bloating :). drank hot matcha to curb the bloat. planked. ate muesli lol. did not do anything significant today :( started the origin of species. 

8 - vaccine today except it starts at 10:30 since we’re waiting for the mayor. so i hung out on the screening table since the doctor room was hot. vaccine with dr lutfi. watched homcha and nanno. fell asleep

9 - vaccine with bang esa and other staffs in smp 8 cikerai. its apparently the highest point in cikerai. finished at 12-ish pm and we ate buffet lunch lol. made matcha latte again. this time with almost 1 spoon of sugar so it tastes good. i missss matcha. read 1 webinar ppt so i guess thats a little but its something. rip attention span

10 - usila. tried A BIT of duren from bu Tur for dr isip but its enough to make me retch lmao. was given labbaik chicken by bu oo. Some exercise. rly tried to make some progress but my brain just cant seem to muster

11 - kia/ugd. Some ugd patients. Spaghetti for lunch yay. Originally intended to go to cafe but i ended up falling asleep :) tried to get some progress for PPT. Involved a lot of staring into nothing. Slept at like 00:30ish am

12 - morning walk slash jog. The jogging track was finally open. Went to jannor. Ordered kopsus and meatball potato dish with gofood takeaway promo (spent a total of 30k) . The staff kindly asked whether i want to eat there or to actually takeaway lol. The meatball truly tasted like meat. The mashed potato was a bit dry. The weather was grey and cloudy, exactly my favorite. First time cooking kangkung

13 - vaccine today. 20-ish patients. Alone in kamar jaga since nessa went to mass vaccine. Zoom call with Prof. Dyed my hair blue in flow salon (1200K). got free manicure, It took 5 hrs 😅. another firsts in life. both the nail tech and hair tech said my hair was dry lmao. arrived in mess at 9ish pm. ordered nasgor in front of mess

14 - mi rebus for bfast. not too much patients for vaccine so i finished at like 10 am. napped at kamar jaga. got free rice box from dr arief etc yay :)))) got mochacinno at jannor. tried to do sumn useful but cannot. still no ppt progress aaa. watched homcha ep 6 together

15 - vaccine in al hanif. tried chicken-cakwe porridge near the school. the school was an all girls school, with ppl wearing long veils. tried to fit the placement test from cakap (12-1 pm) during the vaccination lol. had to excuse myself to the ssaem during photo sesh. napped so i could see the 17 pm cakap class but i ended up napping until close to 18 :) saw the 19 am class with lukas ssaem

16 - spaghetti for bfast. usila today. this dumbass forgot to wear komin and wore her rubber slip ons. turns out theres some money from al hanif vaccine. which is great bcs there’s literally no paper money in my wallet lmaoo. rested a bit. dr eva called and she gave me a ppt and chapter book job. sheeet theres no progress yet of Prof’s ppt. a wake up call. whatsapped with frends that planned to go to cilegon this weekend, but it ended up being the next weekend. thank god, because dr eva’s ppt deadline is 24th sept. set myself up on a spot in the vanity table so i can work in a chair (i frfr find it difficult to work on my own bed)

17 - some patients in UGD. Slept while waiting for 2 pm. Held off my sleepiness for zoom with dr Eva. 5pm cakap class. Matcha latte. 7pm zoom w dr eva. Fell asleep after that

18 - bp. Turns out teh imey also dyed her hair. cakap class abt bts' spring day lol. Worked on dr eva's ppt

19 - jogged a bit. had kopsus (20K) and fish fillet rice (27K). finished dr eva’s ppt with the given material so far. napped in mess. dr eva also revised the ppt on the same day so there’s 2 slides left (patient clinical profile and conclusion). took some time for me to get the headspace to work on ppt so i started prof’s ppt at like 7-ish. only got 1 slide. stayed awake until 11ish but i basically stopped doing useful stuff at 9 TT TT

20 - vaccine today, finished at 10 am. lounged around. went to bni to check on m-banking, still system error. transferred 3mil from my BNI atm to muamalat. tried nasi goreng roa and cakalang with added chicken shreds (20K). so goood. conversed with nessa zihan. did not open my laptop at all :) stopped by at rodalink bcs nessa wanted to buy a bike. drank matcha latte in an effort to curb sleepiness. worked on Prof’s ppt. fried the frozen kebab (35K) i bought from teh Rahmi. 

21 - vaccine P3K w teh yeni teh rahmi mas oim. 3 patients. Ate some gorengan and talked lol. Did the abstract and ppt for dr eva. Worked on Prof's ppt.

22 - usila w mas oim. Had banana, bolu and protein for bfast. Ordered nasgor roa cakalang from bakuku for lunch. Felt suuuuper sleepy afterwards. Wanted to sleep again in mess but couldnt. Washed my shitton of clothes with washing machine. Heavyyy. Worked more on PPT. Too much denial this week

23 - picked some groceries @ bu rum. Kia/ugd today. Its been a while since i last checked DJJ. Successful first attempt but fail in the 2nd bcs the baby is still floating. Cooked meat and veggies with nessren. Jannor and kopsus again. Worked on ppt til my head hurts. Its a little bit more to gooo.

24 - bp. Made myself bento with nugget and left over veggies. Finished the smol details of the ppt and finally sent it. Watched shangchi @ transmart w chillegone. The film was fun! We cooked soup at mess and tri made perkedel. Watched homcha ep7. Slept

25 - Vaccine but there was no vaccine, so I went to UKK @ villa ternak cikerai with pkm peeps. its like opening a clinic but somewhere in hills area. got treated to bakso and tempe mendoan afterwards. lazed around in my bed, with no info from jkt friends who wanted to visit but suddenly they arrived lmao. went to amaris to catch up with them. thankfully it was not hourly parking. ate at saung bonang near the billiard place with heri joining us. total bill for five was 126 lmao its rly pocket friendly. heri borrowed my motorbike bcs his friend’s place doesnt have car park. thank god we brought the bike

26 - me and racheel went downstairs to get the hotel bfast. packed fruits, tempe and bread upstairs lol. put our stuffs in royal krakatau. took maxim to pulau kecil. turns out pak asep changed his number. it was raining there, so we sat a bit and got mie rebus. had lunch at amirang (my treat). there was only us inside. the food was okay but the meat was rly overpriced for its amount. went back to the hotel. went to indomaret and mess with racheel to get my stuff. my stupid impatient ass dropped atikah’s brand new iphone while pulling the hotel towel from the bathroom rack. im sorryyyyy. racheel and i swam until maghrib. atikah told us abt her boy “friend”. slept early at like 9-10ish with the usual width but longer leg space

27 - and suddenly its time to go to puskesmas. asked nessa to bring my shoes. said goodbye to friends. BP. there were a lot of patients. kanayam for lunch. i bought shades lol bcs i commute against the sun in the morning. cakap club. watched homcha. fell asleep

28 - vaccine. finished at like 10:30. tried to go to bni to install mbanking but the queue was like 20 ppl. did the outline for the red book. liqo with kak kartika. zoom meeting with dr eva. fell asleep again

29 - vaccine in sma 3 cilegon (cikerai) with bang esa and others. finished at like 2-ish pm. got 750K hehehe. mentoring with dr. Arnadi about KKD and HHS. bought rotbak with nessa. showered and cleaned and fell asleeep

30 - cooked tempe with leftover kanayam chili sauce. bp again. saw interesting cases today, such as fixed drug eruption. bought phd from gofood promo. went to jannor and got the usual kopsus with added espresso (since the min amount for gofood pick up promo was 25k). tried to do prof’s script but cannot, so i searched the literatures needed for dr eva’s project