#i cant just kick her off of the server either without getting into some shit

[i-am-a-total-trash-mammal]

I feel like an asshole but I'm pissed off at my friend for added her mother to our PRIVATE discord server. Especially since said mother is somewhat of a transphobe and one of the people in the server is closeted trans. I own the discord server, and the friend added her mother after I was kicked off of a group discord call.

[hydrate-or-diedrate]

Where the hell were we

But first a quick flat color Kanaya doodle because I asked my friend to pick a troll. It's been like 3 billion years since I drew anything but blobby cartoon anatomy, I'm super out of practice lmaoooo

Also thank you this person because either would have absolutely not idea how to pose someone holding a chainsaw without them <33

Some day these doodles will end up on my actual art blog as well but for now I am Lazy™️

ANYWAY

Okay look glasses boy I'm pretty certain you did not "solve" pi

Thank you LU server, I keep reading Dirk as Dink

SIGNLESS

This signless(?) is so sweet and chill, I can't wait to meet them, too

They're a historian? Oh I love them. A child(?) after my own heart

AND THEY WRITE FANFIC AWWW

WOAH those sure are horns

Okay this text is starting to seem to apply something adjacent to a vague British accent

By which I mean they're using words like "bloody" and calling people "love" and etc etc so that's inchresting but also kinda weird

AND THEY DRAW? I love them so much and I haven't even met them, I can't wait for everyone to vaguely suggest something terrible about their story in the comments later agskdhhdj

Oh are they finally gonna explain the fuckin typing quirks?

Nope no they are not

Oh my gosh Roxy stop interfering in people's love livesssss

Jane he could always be some variety of bi or pan

These girls have their priorities all out of wack :/

Wow Dirk are you really just gonna drop the head off like you're leaving it at daycare?

Lmaoooo he's got a little parade behind him

I SPY FEFERIS ANCESTOR OMG NO WONDER THEY GOT VIOLENT SO FUCKIN QUICK

AJHD HI DKDH JAKE USING PESTERCHUM OR WHATEVER ITS CALLED IN THIS SESSION TO CENSOR THE ALIENS NIPPLE I CANT

Uh oh nap time

Vriska??? I spy vriska horns???

OH THATS HER ANCESTOR

Oh she's so cute

<??????? is right, Jake

Jake is turning this into a harem manga

I spy a brobot ripping it's own uranium heart out

LMAO Jane just got hard-core friendzoned

I spy a brobot beating its uranium heart to smithereens in pettiness?

Jane, Jake is basically coming out to you and all you can think about is your own damn crush >:/ (but also I am totally biased gimme the gays, I've barely even seen them interact yet I just want gay rep. Queer them into oblivion Hussie I deserve it)

HELL YEAH PROSPIT QUEEN KICK HIS ASS

ID VALL HER QUEEN AS IN THE SLANG BUT THATD BE REDUNDANT

Hello again Jaspersprite!

HELLO DERSITES PLEASE GO AWAY

h-hewwooo?

OH FUCK OH SHIT OH PISS OH HELL OH FUCK

Another UU? Wtf? Also oo black text thats new

A session with only 2 players 👀 oho?

I AM NOT FEELING YOu, MOTHERFuCKER

I agree Cal is an uncanny grinning mockery and a bad omen and should be chopped up and burned fantastic talk

What the fuck is tumut

Here comes the meteorrrr woooo

BETTY CROCKER ARMAGEDDON?

Did they all get fuckin transported? Tf

I'll be honest this is one of the more confusing cutscenes so far simply because Dirk and Roxy seem to have been instantly transported years into the future which doesn't make sense at all but I'm sure will be explained later

Oh boy and of act 6 act 2

Day 13 of reading homestuck hoo boy

Before we read I just want you to know that I added some homestuck songs to my playlist and now pony chorale is haunting me. Every single time I've listened to music while walking between classes, without fail, pony chorale has come on before I reached my destination and I've had to hold back laughter.

WITHOUT

FAIL

Anyway Roxy is getting the TeaTM from Dirk's glasses

Is it am actual love triangle this time or a haha funniee one? Guess I'll find out but hoo boy teenage crush drama, I do not miss it

NOOOOOO FRIGGLISH

FUUUUUUUCK

"Rogue of Void" is certainly new

Hehe spoipage

Again, I am a simple women, put misspellings and funny words in front of me and I'm guaranteed to laugh its not that hard

I SEE TROLL KEYBOARD

Come on these trolls have gotta be our first trolls' paradox ancestors I wanna meet eeemmmmmm

Woag hi Roxy dreamself

I forgot that Cal is back :(

Well hello Squarewave!

bitch

Dave and Dirk truly got some of the worst modii in the story lmaoo

RAP OFF!!!!!!!

Woahhhh bye bye HB

[normal-thoughts-official]

here's the thing

no, no topic should be banned or censored either in fanworks or not, ao3 shouldn't censor their works, and people have the right to write whatever they want

and no, no trope/ship/whatever (or well, almost no trope/ship. shit like uncritically using the mommy trope is racist end of story) is inherently problematic to write about, and yes, it does depend on how its written and dealt with. god knows i write about abuse all the fucking time

and no, writing dead dove fics doesn't mean ur a bad person or are supporting these things, it just means ur exploring heavy topics in ur writing. again, god knows i do that

but that doesnt mean that

you cant criticize specific works that do handle certain topics in a problematic way

you cant point out that a fandom in general has a racism problem, or that the reason why a particular trope is so popular is because of racist/biphobic/etc bias

i know there are people who advocate for censoring in fanworks (although honestly, theyre a WAY smaller bunch than yall like to pretend), but over time this discussion (which is valid and important, because we should talk about art and heavy topics and how they intertwine) has become basically an excuse for ppl to think themselves, or their fandoms, above criticism

I've never met anyone who advocates for fanworks censoring, but over the last year, in the same fandom, Ive seen ppl call someone a bully for mentioning on their blog that a particular fic/author (without mentioning who the author was or giving any information that would make that obvious) bothered her because they wrote a latina character in a racist light; Ive seen people be cut off completely by previous friends for saying (nicely and upon being asked) that they didnt care for a ship said friend was writing about; Ive seen a person be kicked out of a fandom server for saying that they dont like a specific ship, without previous warning. not that it was wrong, not that it was disgusting, not that it should be censored. that they didnt like it. Ive seen any calling out within that fandom of racist or otherwise problematic tropes and works be shut down and regarded as "bullying" or "being the purity police". I've been assumed to be in favor of censoring because i complain on my fucking personal blog, with tags, while not advocating for shit, about things that i dont like within that fandom. Ive been assumed to hate a particular ship that i ship for pointing out that its fandom has a tendency to be acephobic. Ive seen people go out of their way to write untagged triggering content just to "make antis mad". I've gotten hate anons for posting about disliking certain characters (and even for making jokes about characters that i actually like), despite the fact that whenever i complain about that i always tag it as both hate for the specific character and a general tag for when im complaining about stuff, plus another tag for discourse shit, and i never ever put it on the general fandom or that character's tag or any other tag that isnt the ones previously mentioned. and that's all within the year, in the same fandom

and like its funny because the "anti-anti" crowd likes to say that ppl who criticize racist tropes and similar stuff (whom they all strawman as "antis" who "want censorship") dont know anything about Nuance and dont understand that you can mention problematic topics without being problematic. but they're the ones who suddenly decided that any and all criticism or debate within fandom means wanting censorship, banning of content, and bullying

and it's so clear and obvious that this has become simply an excuse to put yourself and the things you consume above criticism and to shut down, well, minorities as a whole, but notably people of color, who are upset by the bullshit we see in fandom every minute of every day, and that directly affects us and our mental health. and to make entitled ass people act like everyone must like everything they like, every ship and character and trope, and try to get people who dont (again, not even people who think it's problematic, just people who dont like it) to be bashed and excluded, all under the excuse of some sort of anti censorship activism

and it's fucking tiring and ridiculous and frankly disrespectful of a discussion that is extremely important, but that has just become a go-to excuse for spoiled ass fans to think themselves and the things they like as supreme and undeserving of criticism or even dislike of any kind

[saltynemo]

Break Up PT.2

WHATADO Everybody, its your boi Nemo back at it again with another fanfiction. Excuse my French but HOLY SH*T! Break-Up got like 65 notes. Damn, Ily guys so much. But  anyway, heres pt.2 since I left you all with a cliff hanger, and a surprise at the end ;)

Summery: Brendon decides to give Y/n some fresh air, and they both go out together. Unexpectedly, they see a familiar face

Type: Fluff?

Warnings: Cussing, A little angst at the end, lots of flirting, I think that's about it

Requested?: Yes

Word Count: 3k (3,007 words)

PT.1

So, without further a do, P-P-P-P-PLAY IT

I clench my fists, shaking uncontrollably. I start walking towards Audrey at a fast pace. Patrick apparently sees what I was going to do, so he raced for me. He held my arms, making me stop my movements. "Pete, kick her out" Pat said, rubbing my arms. Pete nodded, walking towards Audrey and Brendon. He grabbed her by the shoulders, pulling her away from Brendon. "Dont let the door hit you on the way out" Pete added, pushing her out the door and slamming it. He sighed in relief that she was gone. We all heard pounding on the other side of the door, and alot of profanities. Patrick let go of me and stepped aside. I walked over to Brendon, who was at the verge of crying. "Desperate bitch" He muttered, looking up to me. I lighlty smiled at his comment. "Cmon, guys! That ass is gone, lets go back to the movie." Josh, Tyler, Andy, and Joe all yelled from the couch. "Lets just all calm down and relax" Pete said, heading towards the couch aswell. Me and Brendon layed a blanket and pillows down on the floor, since it was crouded on the couch. Brendons head was on my stomach so he was facing the TV. I played with his hair while he was dozing off to sleep. "Goodnight, Y/n" Brendon sighed. "Good night, Bren" I added, circling my finger on his forhead. I got tired of playing with Brendons head, so I stopped my actions and also dozed off to sleep. I fell asleep to the sound of some guy getting his ass beat from the TV, and Brendons snoring.

I opened my eyes slowly, seeing a ray of sunshine infront of me. Brendon was still laying on my stomach. He was rubbing my leg slowly. "How long have you been up" I whisper to him. "Too long" He replies, smiling up to me. "Im gonna go get some cereal" He says, getting up and creeping towards the kitchen. I follow him, since everyone else was still sleeping. He grabs 2 bowls as I grab the milk and cereal box. "Waffle Crisps?" Brendon says. "Thats all we have right now" I whisper back. We both set up 'breakfeast' and eat together. "So, when will the boys be up" I whisper, wanting to go outside. "They usually sleep in late..so I dont know. Maybe we can sneak out and do something" Brendon says back, winking. I blush at his comment, but think about it as well. "Maybe we can hang out at the mall, Its not like we have anything important to do" I request, stirring my cereal. "Sounds great!" He says, making it come out louder than it should have. "Shh, we dont wanna wake up the children do we" I joke, getting up from my seat. Brendon quietly laughs at my comment, getting up as well to put the dishes away. "Im gonna go get ready" I say, jogging to my bag. "Same, Ill be out in a few" Brendon says, heading towards his pile of clothes. I grab a lazy outfit and go into the bathroom to change. I didnt want to over dress, so I put on an oversized P!ATD hoodie with black skinny jeans. I unlock the bathroom door, so Brendon can walk in at any time. I put on some light make-up, just to look presentable. I run back out to the living room to grab my phone and wallet. "You ready?" Brendon says. I look over to him in shock. Hes wearing almost exactly what I am. "Im not changing, so we either go out like this or you change" I say in a stern, but funny, tone. "Im not changing either, so we will just have to live with it" Brendon says back, rolling his eyes. I laugh lightly. "Lets go" I sigh, but laughing a little afterwards.

Me and Brendon sneak out of the building and walk down the street. His car was parked a long ways away from here, so we had a little walking to do. Brendon put his arm around me so his fingers brushed across my back. "You ok?" I ask. "Yea-yea im fine" He replies, taking his hand away. I shrug it off and continue to walk with him.

Once we reach his car, I hop in and quickly grab the aux chord before he does. "I swear if you play 'Penis Sized Nipples' again, Ill drop you off somewhere far away from here" He warns, laughing a bit. I chuckle at his comment, thinking of what to put on. "I got something youll like. Its not trash from my perspective" I say, looking up the song on my phone. I put 'Taco Bell Saga' in the search title, trying not to lose my cool. I click the first video that comes up. "FAST FOOD GREASY TACO I LOVE" Blasts in the car. Brendon jumps in suprise, laughing hard. "NACHO BELL GRANDE CHEESY GORDITA" I begin to sing/scream. Brendon soon catches his breathe and yells with me, "I LIKE YOUR NACHOS LIKE DIARRHEA" He screams, pulling the car out onto the road. "MAN I REALLY LIKE TACO BELL" We both scream as we drive to the mall. The whole car ride, we were being stared at and being told to pay attention to the road. I really didnt care. I was with Brendon and thats all that mattered.

We made it to the mall, with our voices raspy from our screaming. It was fun though. I put my phone back in my pocket and walked with Brendon to the front door. "Can I get Dip n Dots?!" I ask, once I see a Dip N Dots booth. "Sure, I can go for some too" He replies, holding my hand and dragging me to the Cafiteria. Before we can make it, were hit with an excited voice. "BRENDON!!" A voice shouts. We both turn, expecting to see a fangirl. But it was better than that; It was Dallon Weekes [(Idc if I spelt it wrong lol)]!! "DALLON" Me and Brendon both shout to eachother. We make a group hug. It took us about 5 minutes for us to let go. "I havent seen you in like forever! How have you been!!" I yell, fist bumping him. He chuckles and we all talk together. We all started talking about the band, girlfriends/boyfriends, and just fun stuff. We began walking around the mall, messing with security guards and what not. We just did what teenagers would do.

After about running around the mall for 2 hours, I started getting tired. "My feeet hurrrrttt" I whine to the boys. "Deal with it" Brendon says, snickering. "Dalllooon, can you carry meeeeee?" I whine like a baby. "No, your like how old?? 25?" He says, laughing. "Awww is my poor girl upset" Brendon chimes in, laughing. I keep whining untill Dallon gives in. "Fine, Come here, you big baby" He says. He bends down a little, so I can piggy back him. "Why cant I get carried? Im tired too" Brendon says, pushing Dallon a little. "Because he loves me more" I joke, ruffling Dallons Hair.

We continue walking, untill I spot something. "HOT TOPIC!!" I yell, pointing. Both the boys jump, Dallon nearly dropping. "WHAT IS IT" Brendon yells. We get serveral eyes on us, people thinking 'Dumb Kids'. "MOVE BRENDON, DALLON WEEKES IS COMING. HURRY UP" I scream again, pointing to Hot Topic. Everyone laughs as Dallon walks fast to the front doors of Hot Topic. Im Emo trash so Hot Topic was like my home. He drops me, tired of carrying me. "How much do you weigh" He jokes. I push him and smile. "GUYS, MAKE WAY, THE EMO QUEEN IS HERE" I shout, running straight to the Emo Band T-Shirts. Everyone laughs again as I sprint to the back of the store. I go crazy, ignoring my bank account and money situiation.

Once I am finished shopping, I check out to the cashier. My total came to 210.75...I really let myself go. As I was handing the lady my card, Brendon grabs it and holds it over my head. He gives her his card instead. "Hey! Im paying for this! Not you" I yell, trying to get my card. "Try me, Suger" He replies, getting the recipt. I hold him by his ear as I grab my bag. I march him out of the store, Dallon follows along snickering. "I dont like to owe people!" I yell at him while I let go of his ear. He just stares blankly at my face, like what I said meant nothing to him. I got annoyed, "Hey, I said I-" I begin to say. All of the sudden, Brendon grabs my face and kisses me. Im put into utter shock, not being able to move. "Im gonna go to the bathroom" He says, breaking away and walking to the restrooms. "Didnt know that shot of Vodka would do that to him" Dallon mutters, kicking his feet on the ground. I break out of my shock and turn to him, "Shots of Vodka??" I ask, raising a brow. "While you went on your shopping spree, we decided to sneak out and take a couple of drinks in the bar down the street" He says, turning to me. "How long was I shopping??" I nearly yelled to him. Dallon laughed but then answered me, "Like about an hour, you went crazy!" He said, laughing more. I soon joined in with him, nearly falling down. Maybe I was drunk too. I steady myself on Dallons shoulder, trying to catch my breathe. Brendon comes back, drying his hands on his shirt. "What time is it?" I ask, standing up straight. "Oh, its...7:00?!" Brendon shrieks, shocked at how late it is. "Oh my Josh, Im so Dun right now" Dallon yells, almost falling on the floor from laughing. "Shut up! Thats so cringy" I say to him, laughing too. Me, Brendon, and Dallon are all laughing messes, falling on the floor and just loosing our shit.

Once we catch our breathe, we all stand back up. "Well, me and Y/n wanna go somewhere else before we go home. Wanna join?" Brendon asks Dallon. "Nah, sorry. I gotta be somewhere" He replies, grabbing his stuff off the ground. "Cya around then!" I cheer, hugging him before I go back to Brendon. Brendon fists bumps him and we say goodbye. "So, where do you wanna go? Dallon told me about a bar down the street" I say, nudging him. "Yea, sounds fun! Lets go there!" Brendon cheers, holding my hand. Why is so attracted to me all of the sudden? Maybe he is just happy im here, I shouldnt get my hopes up.

Once at the bar, It was kind of empty at first. "Cmon" Brendon says, taking my arm. He knows I dont drink that much, why did I even suggest this? Me and Brendon sit on the side of the bar. "Can I have 2 T-" Brendon says, before relizing who the bar tender is. Its Audrey..she really let her self go. Cakey make-up,a shirt that is way too tight for her, blue eyeliner, and very skinny jeans. Suprised she fit in those. "Oh, who look who it is..Brendon" She says with a smirk. "T-two tequilas" He stutters out, quickly turning away. I give Brendon a "Oh Shit" look before turning away as well. "Sure thing, sexy-thang" She replies, making our drinks. "First of all, you know ill get drunk as hell if i drink Tequila, second of all, I had know clue she works here" I whisper in Brendons ear. Brendon laughs lightly, "We didnt come here to be sober, your getting drunk tonight. I dont care if we have to get a taxi" He replied, turning back to the bar. "Heres your drinks" Audrey says with a wink. Brendon rolls his eyes at her and hands me the drink. "I dont wanna get that drunk tonight though.." I sigh, stirring it. "Dont be a whimp, just drink it" He laughs, taking a sip. "But Bren-" He takes my drink and holds it up to my lips, leaning it so the alchohal pours into my mouth. "Down the hatch, babe" He mutters, making me chug the drink. He takes the glass away from my lips and puts it on the table. "Damnit Bren" I say, chuckling a small bit. I whipe my mouth and glance at Audrey. Her expression is full on jelousy. "2 more!" Brendon calls out to Audrey. She scoffs and starts making them. "Brendon! i swear" "Your getting hammered tonight...WERE getting hammered tonight" He says, ruffling my hair. I roll my eyes, turning so im facing the bar. "Here you go" Audrey sighs, placing down the drink roughly. I stare at the moving alchohal for what seems forever, untill Brendon talks. "If you dont drink that your self, Ill spoon feed you it" He says, already chugging down his drink. I sigh and put the glass to my lips. I, suprisingly, chug all of the Tequila down. Brendon pats my back in praise, almost making me spit the liquid out of my mouth. I already see Brendon getting drunk. His eyes look tired and hes stumbling kind of. I already feel dizzy since im a lighthead. Tonights going to be a long night...

*TIME SKIP Brought to you by Andy's beard*

Im hammered as hell. Me and Brendon both. We have been slurring back and fourth to eachother, most of them being flirts-since we dont even know what were doing. "You-you remind me of my pinky toe" Brendon slurrs, downing his drink. "Why is that" I ask with a smirk, knowing the answer already. "Because your small, fragile *hiccup* and will probably be banged againts my coffee table later tonight" He says with a wink. We both laugh at how dumb we look compared to the rest of the bar. Except for Audrey, she was a bull who just saw a red cape. She was so angry I thought she was going to strangle me right then and there. "I got one" I say, nearly dropping my 5th tequila. "Are you a lit candle?" I ask, resting my hand on his thigh. He smirks, placing his drink down on the table. "Because on my birthday, I wanna blow you" I slurr. "Nice one, but I *hiccup* got a good joke" He says, holding my hand thats on his thigh. "Wait! Let me go again, I want a nother chance" I say, looking into his eyes. "Fine, I cant say no to you" Brendon replies, looking back into mine. I laugh a little at how hammered we are. I grab my drink again and finish it off. "What does a Scientist plant in a garden?" "A Chemis-tree!" I cheer, throwing my head back and laughing. Brendon didnt laugh though, he just kept staring at me. I looked back to him, "Oh-cmon that was funny" I say, looking back to him. "Sorry, Y/n. Its just that your beauty caught me off guard" He says in a romantic tone. "Oh-shut up, your so cringy" I laugh, pushing him a little..he didnt budge. "Your just so hot when your drunk" He mutters to me. "You made me this way" I say, chuckling. "Just-god damn it" He said before roughly kissing me. I tried to kiss back, but it was hard to match the pace of his movements. He pulled away after what seemed like forever, "Thanks, I needed that" Brendon said, adjusting his sitting position. I was still for a minute, thinking about what Brendon just did and what I just did. "You ok?" Brendon chuckles, seeing my state of mind. "I need another drink" I say, laughing. "I think you had eno-" "2 shots of whiskey" I interupt him, asking Audrey for another drink. She glares at me, only walking away to get the glasses. "Jesus, Y/n. Whiskeys pretty rough, you know?" He says in a concerned tone. "Aww, is my poor little Brendon too much of a pussy to get one more drink?" I say with a smirk. "Whoa whoa whoa, who are you callin a softy?" He says, holding up a hand. "You heard me" I reply, smirking more. Audrey slams the shots down infront of us; it was obviouse she was mad. "Down the hatch, babe" I mock, putting the glass to my lips and drinking it. He just smiles and downs his shot glass too.

Me and Brendon went back to slurring our jokes and flirts to eachother. But half way through our conversation, I noticed I had to use the restroom. "What do you call a *hiccup* pretty girl on a drummers arm?" "A Tattoo!" He slurrs, almost dropping his empty glass. I fake laugh, noticing I really had to go. "Im gonna use the restroom" I say, strolling over to the ladies bathroom. I sway my hips a little bit-but not too much-just to give Brendon a hint. I dont know what kind of hint, but just some kind of a hint. Once I turn a corner to where the restrooms were, I saw Satan. Shit. It was Audrey, casually holding a beer bottle in her hand. "Hey, Y/n. Hows life with Brenny?" She says in a bitchy tone. "Please-im not going to do this now" I simply say, trying to get past her. She blocks the door, "Hey, Im not done with you just yet" She says, stopping me. "Look, Im not in the mood to have a brawl with you out in the middle of a bar. I have to pee" I say, pushing her out the way and walking into the ladies restroom. "Hey im not done with you yet!" She yells to me. I keep walking, ignoring her and pretty much everything. "Thats it!" Audrey screams. Then, suddenly, something strikes my head, and shatters. Im left in complete darkness.

(Surprise surprise, another cliff hanger HAHAHAH, Ill make a Break Up PT.3 If you request, and maybe Ill make it smutty who knows. But I hope you liked it and cya next time :D)

[strawberryspeachy]

3 years ago my cat had kittens... i could still talk to my mom kind of.... and... things were ok aside from me being upset over some dumb boy

And i was thinking how i wanna go back. I miss my mom so much i want to go back. And was like. Well that wasnt a good time, a year before was better right?

Leading me to the reason why I was so miserable as a kid.

Look. Im a miserable person - i dont want to blame it all on one person but fuck man...

Everytime i think about times where i was happy, i realize SHE was the reason I WASNT.

Middle school - i had friends. I was smart. I liked school. I had hobbies and dreams. But i never wanted to leave school because i didnt want to come home. I didnt want to come home becauae of HER

I keep saying her like im talkig about my mom. Im not. Im talking about my great grandmother

I just sat here for 10 minites telling myself im stupid and making things up and making things out to be worse than they are.... i bet that thinking comes from her in all honesty

Thinking, “did she love me?” Now. I dont care. I dont miss her. Everytime i think about her its upsetting that i had her in my life... the only good thing i can ever say about her is “i know what its like to have a strict parent” THATS NOT GOOD. like fucking thanks for screaming at me every holiday to eat correctly. Now i know table manners. Thats all you did for me - while making me dread every fucking family dinner which aside from you was wonderful because my family used to be cool.

She ruined every holiday. She didnt want decorations. Were were gonna burn down the house. We were making a mess. We were being loud. She doesnt want this or that in HER HOUSE. She constantly chased everyone out the door because she NEVER had anything nice to say. The second she entered the room everyone made excuses to leave. When shed open her fucking creaking door the laughter would stop, smiles turn to cringes and wed all look at each other with the “welp the funs over” face

She was just so mean. You cant be happy because you’re not doing something she wanted you to do. Or you fucked something up. Theres some reason that youre supposed to be upset or concerned. BUT YOU CANT WIN THAT WAY EITHER - if youre upset - how dare you. You have so many good things you entitled undeserving brat. Fucking appriciate everything. The best way was some mixture where you smile but are ready to be pissed the fuck off in a moments notice. Cause if you wete more pissed off than she was the yelling was cut in half and mostly just her telling you not to give her that attitude - instead of a whole lecture on why you’re a fucking failure.

Everytime i think of a better time in my life. Its not even that much better because of that demon in my life. Constantly teling me shes gonna kick me out of the house. Constantly telling me im a burden to my mom. Constantly telling me im the reason for all her problems and saying that my animals were going to banrupt her.

The only thing i did well in her eyes was that i got good grades in school. She beleived my report card. Thats all. Pretty amazing that she could beleive that but thought i was too damn stupid to graduate college because there was a physical paper in front of her that she recognized

If i cooked or cleaned i did it wrong - if i didnt i should have

Why am i always at my best friends house?! “Her family doesnt want you there!!”

Why dont you play with your animals?!? Stop making noise playing with your animals!!

There was no escaping her. I broke my nose in a car accident and my friends mom took me for surgery. She came running out of the house to complain to my friends mom about how she could have taken me but i didnt ask her and im so awful - right after my surgery. Cause like why dont you want someone whose constantly bitching at you and telling you how shit you are to take you to a stressful surgery?

Conditional love... i already knew that... but its like the first time ive used it myself and havent just attributed the description.

She was my step - great grandmother. Shes all i ever knew but we werent blood related.

She loved my grandfather and my aunt and even my aunts two kids - the way family loves. She was still a bitch but she didnt disown them when they bugged her

The rest of us. Including my mom. Conditional love. Its not like she never did nice things. But she did expecting something in return.

Maybe shes why i dont like dealing with people im not allowed to say no to. Like i have such a deep seeded hatred for that relationship that the second i sense it i just refuse to deal with it again. You couldnt say no to her. You couldnt. If you said no to her about ANYTHING pack your fucking bags and get the hell out of HER HOUSE. that was her favorite two words. She needed my moms and grandfathers help and asked them to move in. But. We were guests in HER HOUSE.

I had some trauma as a kid that I probably would have gotten over if the happy family i knew before we moved to my great grandmothers stayed that way. But my aunt was always miserable. My uncle ran away as fast as possible. And my mom. A people pleaser. You know those old traditions where a man marrys and then he fucks off and does whatever he wants leaving his wife to serve his parents hand and foot. That was my moms life. He cheated on her and the demon made fun of her for everything, apparently constantly telling “dumb poloc” jokes. My mom cleaned everyday and cooked and took care of everyone and took care of our farm basically alone. I tried to help... i was a kid... and she was depressed. You wouldn’t know if you didnt really listen - which no one else in my family did.

And i looked at my mom everyday. I didnt really get it. All i knew was she was a wonderful kind generous happy - all around best human. And yet. Her life sucked. And she was sad. And i wonder if my mom would have been so sad if not for the demon...

My grandfather loved his mom.... but he used to never come in the house. My whole life. He was always out. The moment she died, he was always in the house. Maybe because he missed her and was sad.... but... i dont think so.... he stopped drinking a case of beer every night too

This whole post just to say... im mad that if goven the chance... im not sure if id go back to any of those times where i had to live with the demon... even though everything else at those times were good... the amount of stress and misery she gave me... almost outweigh the good... and. There was alot of good. I miss so many things.

I wanna be with my mom again. Without the dementia. I wanna be with my animals. I wanna be with my friends. I want second chances. I wanna make changes.

I loved her dude...i used to wish good things on her... i beleived she truely cared about me...

When she was dying. She couldn’t talk. Her friend called. I offered to put the phone to her ear. The friend was dismayed when i aswered. The tone of her voice changed. And she went “oh. The granddaughter.” She asked to talk to the demon as though i was holding the phone away from her and like i just wanted to hear whatever secrets she may have and wouldnt actually put it to her ear. She hung up angerly... as though... i wasnt an upset family member... i got preoccupied by the pleading look in my greatgrandmothers eyes. She wanted me to put the phone to her ear... but the woman had already hung up. I told her she had to go but said shes thinking of her. She looked so disappointed that she couldn’t hear it herself. And i felt... still feel bad... for the dying woman in her last days...

But maybe if she hadnt constantly talked about me as though i was the worst person because i dared to live my life the same as my aunt with animals and friends. But then go off to college but take a server job when o couldnt find a better one. Talked about me like i tried to kill her myself and that i was so lazy and rude and terrible. Maybe. Her bitchy friend. Wouldnt have hung up upon even having to interact with me

And then. Even in death. She made sure that i knew my place. she wrote her obituary herself. She put my aunts kids who are 13+ years younger than me, ahead of me, when listing her great grandchildren.