i-am-a-total-trash-mammal

[i-am-a-total-trash-mammal]

Im starting to realize that this life of mine was never worth living for factors outside of my control. I look back on my past and realize that I'll never have that stability or happiness again... I could have done everything right and still ended up here, in a hell of my own creation...

I'll be homeless in a few days. I don't have a high school education, and guess what it takes to get an education? Money. From where? The job I don't have? The job that's impossible for me to obtain in the current market? The jobs that my parents can't keep down because businesses are leaving the state? The jobs that disabled people like my parents can't get? The financial aid that hasn't been changed in, no exaggeration, 30 GODDAMNED YEARS to where $20 AN HOUR FOR 3 PEOPLE IS "TOO RICH" TO QUALIFY?!

I'm done. I don't want to die, but it seems more appealing every day. Soon, I won't even have my cats to make life worth living... I'm sorry... I was doomed from the start. This slowly ripping wound has become a large gash, and i feel like it's too late to stop the bleeding...

[i-am-a-total-trash-mammal]

I'm upset so I forget to drink water, making me thirsty

I'm thirsty so I feel physically awful

I feel physically awful so I feel upset

[i-am-a-total-trash-mammal]

I feel like an asshole but I'm pissed off at my friend for added her mother to our PRIVATE discord server. Especially since said mother is somewhat of a transphobe and one of the people in the server is closeted trans. I own the discord server, and the friend added her mother after I was kicked off of a group discord call.

[i-am-a-total-trash-mammal]

one of the funniest things people who try to prove humanity is above animals say is "theyre not doing (insert thing) theyre just doing (insert detailed description of thing they said the animal isnt doing)"

[i-am-a-total-trash-mammal]

I feel so horrible mentally that I can't even talk to my friends. I'm on the verge of homelessness - and since i don't have a high-school education for reasons outside of my control, I'll never be anything more than just a fucking waste of space.

I want to sleep my life away now more than ever, and yet I'm forced to stay wide awake. I feel too awful to drink water or talk to my online friends - i can barely even wear my headphones.

I just want to be a drop in the abyss - completely meaningless, forgotten, together yet oh-so alone... even when I was younger, I just wanted to be left behind, to be forgotten. Just let me fade away in the background to live my mediocre life and let me live it in peace. My feelings are hollow and nothing makes sense anymore. I just want this to be over. Whether "this" is my teenage years or just my years in general - I just want out of this hellhole of a situation my family and I live in.

[i-am-a-total-trash-mammal]

Help is on the weeey! Help is on the weeeey!

I like Light & Night

[i-am-a-total-trash-mammal]

miku’s charming chaos compendium

[i-am-a-total-trash-mammal]

I have never related harder to all three of them in my life

Mind teaching Heart to drive and taking Soul along for the ride Mind: That's a pothole. To the left! Heart: Take it back now y'all Drives into pothole Soul, sticking their face into the front over the center console: Cha Cha real smooth. Heart: I don't think that's how the song goes. Mind, crying and gripping the handle: Please just take me home. Heart: Country Roads. Soul: To the place. Heart and Soul in unison: I Belong! Mind, crying harder: What the fuck?

(dont ask how hearts driving hes using echolocation)

‎

[i-am-a-total-trash-mammal]

I photosympathize with both of them

Mind: There's nothing worse than people using big words they don't understand.

Heart: I photosynthesize with this.

[i-am-a-total-trash-mammal]

[i-am-a-total-trash-mammal]

You know I thought at first that screaming you the void was anxiety-inducing like what do you mean that nobody's going to see my post

But now

I get it

You scream into the void and it hears you

You scream into the void and no one answers

Because there doesn't need to be an answer

All you need is the comfort of knowing that something heard you

[i-am-a-total-trash-mammal]

My life ended as soon as we moved out of that apartment, maybe much sooner.

I'm not going to make it past thirty. I'll be surprised if I make it to twenty five.

The end isn't scary, it just... is...

My life was over before it began...

I'm sorry. I had potential. I could've been a great person... I could've done so many things...

But that's behind me now. I have no opportunities. I have nowhere to go... nothing to turn to except these cats to keep me sane... no amount of burns or cuts or bruises will end this pain. This is a deep break... a Crack that will never heal, a cut that will never mend.

I am hopeless. I am imprisoned. And I will never breathe again, at least, not as a man. Perhaps as a parasite, perhaps as an insignificant speck of dust...

I am infinate... and yet, infinity is hollow. The horizon is so close, and yet infinitely far away...

Within infinity, there is only one of each number. There is only one of me, and yet there are infinites of us, of the stars, of ourselves... the whole will never know if you existed or not - but you will. You will have existed. You will have changed those around you.

You are broken. You are whole... you are horrifying, you are beautiful... you exist, and that's good enough...

There is no need to end your existence, however short it may be... you may just be someone else's reason for existence...

[i-am-a-total-trash-mammal]

I was trying to do a reflection piece. You know, for school. Then I realized something.

I'm just too bland for this assignment. Like, I have to write about how i used my personality to overcome hardship - and I don't know if it's just bad memory or not, but I cannot remember a single time I've used my personality to overcome hardship. Like, how am I this bland??? Do I just not have a personality??? Or do I just have a bad memory? Or have I really just failed at life so badly that all my personality does is make things worse? Is it some or all of the above? I don't know!

[i-am-a-total-trash-mammal]

Some fanart I made of Shifter Papyrus.