#i cant fucking look into a fucking mirror without wanting to cry and take a knife to every slab of meat that i ditn want on my body

[this-should-do]

ugh

[skippingseaglass]

people are my religion and this is fucking blasphemy

[ask4mycashapp]

fangs r hot

?

warnings: biting, blood, hickeys, licking, fingering, monster cock (?), riding, mirror sex, choking, begging, groping, teasing, pet names: bunny, bun, pretty, dolly, sweets.

?

you always knew your boyfriend had fangs, but you never really thought about them in depth.

now theyre the only thing you could think about, specifically howd they feel on your neck. youre surprised that youve never thought about them before, especially considering the fact they make lilia look awfully hotter. they add to his aesthetic, his charm.

you would be lying if you said they didnt put some... inappropriate... thoughts in your head.

as these unholy fantasies occupied your mind your boyfriend lilia stopped his rant, noticing you werent exactly listening. what lilia also noticed was your gaze, which wasnt on his eyes as it usually was, rather on his... mouth?

...oh he gets it.

youre looking at his teeth, arent you...?

instead of being scared like a normal human, instead of being scared as he thought youd be, you look to be aroused.

he wanted to laugh, youre aroused. any other human would run frightened and youre sitting pretty with your thighs clenched, trying your best to relieve the ache between your legs without him noticing.

this is why lilia chose you, youre so unpredictable. it makes you interesting, fun to play with.

but unfortunately for you, your boyfriend pays too much attention to you to not notice something like that.

"fascinated by my fangs, hm? bet you want me to bite you sooo bad, dont you bunny?"

"maybe i do, is it that obvious?"

"mhm, but dont worry ill take real good care of you, bun <3."

with that he kissed your lips before placing you onto his lap, pulling a creak from the bed. lilia positioned your back to his chest, making sure you could see the both of you in the full length mirror propped on the wall infront of you.

lilia brings his mouth down to your neck before shifting his eyes to stare at yours through the mirror, lilia smiles and bites down into your neck.

you frown at the contact, lilia treats you as if youre so fragile, youre not. so you decide to poke the bat bear,

"aww that was barely a graze, lilia. are you underestimating my strength or perhaps, losing your own?"

"thosell be your famous last words, sweets."

lilias grins goes wide as he bites again this time drawing blood, as well as a loud moan from you, followed by you grinding down hard on lilias thigh.

lilia continues his assault on your neck, though.

he bites, licks, and sucks, leaving strings of hickeys in his stead along with trickles of blood. and once theres no more room left on your neck he moves to take your shirt off and picking up where he left off. lilia gropes and pinches your tits too, he always makes sure to overstimulate you.

"mmph.. lilia i need you now," you whined out, "need your cock to stretch me out."

"patience, dolly. ill fuck you soon, need to prep ya first, mkay?"

"but i need you now-"

youre cut off by the feeling of lilias fingers slipping up your uniform skirt, into your panties and into your pretty cunt. lilia continues to thrust his fingers into you, gradually increasing his pace, while he releases his cock from the confines of his pants.

lilias cock alway makes you see stars.

his cock is a blushy pink color with black and pink scales instead of hair. its abnormally thick too, as well as being long. for comparison, when you give him handjobs your hand cant even wrap around it entirely. its a struggle to fit all 8 inches of him into you, as well.

after stretching you out, lilia never does stretch you enough so you can feel him stretch you with his cock ;), he positions you ontop of his dick and slams you down.

you scream, starting to cry and lilia relishes in every second of it. lilia coos at you, trying to distract you as he builds speed.

and it works.

your head slowly goes blank and all you can think about is lilia, his cock and how good you feel. your eyes are spun back in your head, letting the pleasure wash over you, fully entrusting yourself to your boyfriend.

lilia takes real good care of you too, just like he promised. he makes sure to hit your spongey spots in the best ways possible. he plays with your clit with one hand while the other squeezes on your throat. lilia tightens the knot in your stomach so nicely that you dont even have the chance to tell him before it snaps.

he feels your walls spasming on his dick, pushing him over the edge himself. he slams you down one more time, throwing his head back.

both of you enjoy your highs and come back down to reality. you give eachother one last passionate kiss before seperating your most intimate parts to go clean yourselves up <3.

?

idk if this is good or not 🤷‍♀️ just have it ig 🤲🏼.

everything ?

[elvisslut]

I wanted different

Warnings- angst, mentions of miscarriage, elvis being a absolute dick, mentions of death, insecurities, cursing, baby having neurological issues.

Elvis stared at you for a moment, you had such a bad fight with all him, all you two could was stare at each other. You both wished each other things you didn’t mean and said things to the other that didn’t need to be said.

You let out a soft breath, going to the closet and packing up quietly. You’re both complete strangers to each other now. All he knows about you is how you are in bed the rest of the time hes gone. With other girls.

He loves- he used to love you. And you would have stayed if he didn’t bring your miscarriage into the mix.

“All you do is cry over a kid that wouldn’ have even lived if she were born, get over it.”

He didn’t mean it, of course he didn’t but he said it. Hes a man you can’t even recognize, having known him your whole life. He’s completely different.

You walked to the phone and called your dad- Elvis’s best friend, telling him to pick you up he was fast to be on his way.

“I think its best we get a divorce” you say, earning a nod from him before you head downstairs. His own words hurt him so eternally that he couldn’t talk or anything.

It wasn’t even your fault you had the miscarriage, it was one of the guy’s faults. They threw a stray fastball and it hit right on your stomach, hitting your baby’s head he died and you suffered severe internal bruising.

All your fingers tingled as you walked out of the house to your dads car, leaving Graceland and making it to the safety of your childhood bed.

Tears rushed down your face, sobbing is all you could do, no words no motion to do anything else.

He was your world. How do you function when your husband, best friend, love of your life, tells you the worst things imaginable. Like hes come to hate you. The fight was over something so little too.

It left you with a non-functional body, a shattered heart, a empty feeling, no life, absolutely nothing. You felt like nothing without him because he was your everything.

You idolized him when you were younger then you fell in love with him when you were older. Now you can’t even be sure hes the same person.

“Goddamn it y/n! I don’ want ya! I fuck all these other girls I don’ need ya. You’re useless. It should have been ya to die, not the damn baby.”

How do recover from repeated wounds. You don’t. Not from Elvis. If he had a reason to say all that then he had a reason to hate you. You also had a reason to hate yourself if elvis hated you.

You got up and looked in the mirror, looking at all the insecurities he called perfect. One in particular, your stomach, you had a pudge- in your head you did.

You picked and pulled at your skin trying to look pretty, trying to look lovable again. After it didn’t work you laid on the floor laughing and shaking your head.

Elvis loved everyone. But you. Now you can’t even love yourself.

You got up and went out to the living room, getting the keys from your father, kissing his cheek then leaving, going to a spot elvis used to take you.

You sat in the car, looking at the lake with your thoughts running wild. You just wanted to sleep and wake up to it being a nightmare.

You wanted so bad to take your own words back too. He didn’t deserve to hear what you said. How do you leave him though. You knew him for so long now he’s just not your elvis.

“Hey, E. We have to get going soon, the jet is ready.” Joe says as elvis sat in his chair in the corner of the room. “I cant go tonight..tell colonel we’ll be late” he says, wiping his face.

Joe knew why he was crying, all the guys did. They heard what was said because of how loud it was yelled. Joe nodded and went downstairs to relay the message.

Elvis stared at the floor much like he stared at you. Complete disbelief in himself. He took years of frustration and anger out on you. Pointed out everything that was “wrong” with you. Told you how much of a disappointment you were- and just what made you that disappointment. He even said things about his own child that would be alive if it weren’t for him letting the guys pitch to him.

He didn’t know if he loved you or hated you. Well he knew but with the words he spoke it was hard to tell. He even pointed his own insecurities out on you.

He doesn’t even realize all the harm he did. You walked out without a tear in your eye. Did you want him to apologize? You didn’t even know the answer to that question.

He got up and stood still for a moment before deciding to leave, going to your spot. His breathing stopped as he seen your dads car, pulling up to it and getting out. Hesitating a moment before getting in the car with you.

You glanced over and sighed, looking back at the lake. “Drive” he says softly. You bite your lip and start the car, going to back up before he puts his hand over the gearshift.

“Forward” he says, you look at him and frown. “We can have our baby if ya do” he adds.

“You never wanted her” you say, repeating his words from earlier. “Or me” you add. He clenches his jaw and takes a deep breath.

“I do an’ i did.. i don’t understand why i said those things.” He says. “You hate me..thats why..you said it yourself..multiple times..” you say.

He puts the car back in park and looks at you. “I said things i didn’ mean..’m sorry..but ya did too..” he says.

You frown and stare at him yet again. “Get out, don’t even compare what I said to what you said. Out.” You say, leaning over and fighting with him to get the door open and trying to push him out.

In the process you knocked the gearshift putting it into drive, the car creeped up to the edge without your knowledge. Elvis looked forward and grabbed your arms, pulling you to him and tugging you out of the car with him.

He held you tightly as the car rolled off the ledge right into the rocks. You went quiet and looked at elvis.

“I..don’t you want me dead?” You ask. He looks down at you and shakes his head. “No..I don’ even want ya hurt..but i know i hurt ya real bad..’m so sorry.” He says softly, you sigh.

“..you hate me” you say. “I don’..i just said that i didn’ mean..that was one of the many things” he explained.

“You pointed my entire body out elvis..you hate everything..its atleast half true or you wouldn’t have said it” you say, getting up.

“Bye Elvis.” You say, starting to walk home as elvis protested, ignoring him.

-a week later-

You walked to the bedroom and went inside, frowning as you seen elvis.

“You were supposed to be gone” you say. “Ya were suppose to be with me” he retorts.

“Im just going to get the rest of my stuff” you say, going to the closet and grabbing your clothes, elvis gets up and goes over to the door.

“Baby-“ he starts, you’re quick to shut it down. “No” you say.

“Baby. Your daddy was talkin’ to me yesterday..you’re pregnant?” He asks, you sigh and nod.

“Yeah..you don’t have to worry about this one..i got it handled. You don’t even have to be on the birth certificate.” You say. “But..i wanna worry..” he says.

“You don’t want to worry after the baby dies though?” You ask looking at him.

“I didn’ mean..y/n..”he trails off. “Shes getting adopted by a family already elvis” you admit. “W-..who?” He asks.

“Apparently your friend has reproductive issues..hope he doesn’t kill this one too” you say “Gk?” He asks earning a nod. “Baby please.. keep the baby..” he says.

“Im going to be useful and be a surrogate..because i guess im useless without it” you go past him and go to the bathroom, grabbing your things from in there.

“No, no, wait. You’re not leavin’ an’ this baby is ours. I want my baby i want ya an’ by god ill have both.” He says sternly, following you into the bathroom.

“Elvis-” “No” he cuts you off, going to you and putting your stuff back up. “My baby. My wife.” He says. “Don’t bring up what I said, I know what I said an’ it’s killn’ me. Just listen to me for a moment” he adds, grabbing your hand and taking you to the bed, making you sit down.

“This is our second chance from god baby an’ i ain’t gonna fuck it up” he says, wrapping his arms around you.

“The baby has neurological issues elvis, you don’t want her” you breathe out. “I want the baby” he replies.

“I’m scared to have the baby..I don’t know how to take care of a baby that has these issues..” you admit.

“We’ll figure it out, do they know what type of issues?” He asks. “Down syndrome” you answer.

He chuckles and hums “sounds like the perfect kid to me..we’ll be good parents..you’ll be a great mother..i promise ya baby..” he says softly kissing your head.

“Okay..” you say “okay?” He questions. “Ill keep the baby and come back..but if i hear a word repeated from your mouth that you said the other day. Its over” you explain sternly.

“I promise never again..i love ya..” he says softly, you nod and bite your lip.

“I love you too..” you say.

[subskz]

as much as i love soft sex, part of me still craves that rough bdsm shit 🤧

doesn’t matter what member honestly, just wanna tie one of them up completely and render them immobile. force them to take everything you give them, use all sorts of toys on them; vibrators, fleshlights, dildos, plugs, sounding rods, cock rings, gags, nipple clamps, literally everything.

push them to their limits. edge them, overstimulate them, make them beg, stimulate every sensitive part of them at the same time, or maybe edge them for so so long but never actually let them cum :(

make them feel so much pleasure that they pass out, and maybe even keep going while they’re passed out, giving them a real good treat when they gain consciousness again

go rough on them. spank them, choke them, mark them, manhandle them, use them.

use them for your own pleasure, doesn’t matter if they end up cumming or not.

leave them there all messy with their sweat, cum, and drool.

leave them there with such a fucked out face, their tongue lolling out and their eyes dazed out

make them know that they’re all yours by the end of it.

oh wow this is doing irrepairable dmg to my brain chemistry ♡_♡ my thoughts always go to hyune when it comes to more hardcore dynamics like this…or channie, on days where he’s especially deep in that headspace and wants nothing more than to forget his own name and just be of good use to you

but hyunjin!! even though he’s such a sensitive baby boy this type of rough treatment suits him so well bc i think he’d be super into you having complete possession over him like that. he wants to put himself in your hands and surrender all control, his obsessive sentimental loving lil heart would most definitely find it romantic for you to take ownership of his body and mind like that, for him to trust you when he fully lets himself go <3

with how responsive he is and how hopeless he is at holding back his emotions, you’d be in for such a pretty show of facial expressions and sounds as he squirms around in his restraints. every little touch from you gets the most satisfying reaction, so imagine what using multiple toys on him at once would do to him…nipple clamps to make him hypersensitive to all the different sensations rocking his body, a vibrating plug inside him while you jerk him off w a fleshlight…he’d be writhing and bucking his hips and crying out w barely any chance to breathe in between, even if every time he thrusts into your hand without permission he gets a slap to his cheek, he’s too overwhelmed to even think abt willing himself to stop…and maybe he just likes the extra sting

it’d be fun to tease him for how loud n pathetic he sounds too…poor thing cant control his movements or his noises so he needs u to do it for him! smth abt the way his muffled moans still ring out through the room even when you put a ballgag in his mouth to shush him makes it even hotter, esp w the sight of his lips swollen around it and drool dripping down his chin

and making him pass out from pleasure 😵‍💫 the most hyunjin thing on earth…he feels too much for even his own body to contain. seeing all the red marks and hickies and impact lines on his body days after would make him so shy but so so turned on all over again, his favorite part is getting to see reminders of who he belongs to every time he looks in the mirror hehe

[sky-daddy-hates-me]

When i was 13. I came home from ComicCon with a replica katana from a tv show. Unrelated to the katana, at the time, i was convinced that there was a ghost in the house. After telling my mom about a bathroom light flickering off, i remember her being like, "hmmph," and then a few weeks(?) Go by, and Mom and dad sat me down and explained what demons could do, how they could possess me and kill all of them, and not know i did it.

They had me sell the katana (my sister out of the house bought it) until i got it back when i was 18.

So the logic is; Demon sticks to random katana at a gaming convention,WAITS for someone to take it home (couldn't it just, idk, choose or possess anyone, rather than the inanimate object) comes home w me. Does things that are easily passed off as "we live in an old house, that used to be a grocery store"

Upon getting it back at 18, bringing it home.

Guess what happened then.

Nothing. Cause it didnt have a fucking demon to begin with LMAO

Now i would love to tell my mom how my Satanic Bible, my tarot cards, etc have all been in the house this whole 3 years now and not one of us has been slaughtered by a possessed family member.

Anyway, i wanted to share that w someone who understands. It took me forever to get over that, "this is bad. Demons are literally going to crawl out of this." feeling u have ingrained in you.

(Cant forget to sit around and think so hard about Jehovahs face too. For good measure. God, I'm thinking SO hard.)

Lmao, I've had tarot cards in my house for years as well, without my parents knowing for the most part, they did find one deck when i was 15 but some strategic crying and telling them i begged for jehovah's forgiveness was enough to convince that i was just holding them for a friend who came and picked them up a few days later (then gave them back to me at school). I used to draw pentagrams and satanic crosses on my meeting notes. When I was 13 I actively tried to summon demons in all 15 mirrors in the house. The amount of shows and films I've watched that my parents were certain would invite demons into the house is insane.

I'm also pretty sure there's ghost activity (vases falling off coffee table they were in the middle of, a porcelain doll somehow falling out of my bedroom window when i left it as far away from the window as possible, flickering lights, scratching noises at night) in the house and while I would love to see my parents reaction to that fact, I am not in a position to leave home yet and i would certainly be thrown out.

Apparently a friend of my family had a jacket that belonged to their 'worldly' son, and whenever they tried to get rid of the jacket it would come back. Eventually they tried burning it, but nothing happened to it, it came out of the fire looking almost the exact same. To my parents that's enough proof that demons do posses things. Turns out, leather is extremely hard to set on fire and is a fire retardant material, and their son kept sneaking the jacket back into the house.

For people who claim to not believe in superstitions, Jehovahs witnesses really do love to choose demons over facts every single time.

[matashaw]

El Matashaw

≫I mean, my tumblr is literally called Matashaw, of course I’m gonna have Matashaw headcanons! This post is dedicated to the best person I’ve ever met in the fandom, @vampirateee !! I hope you enjoy them a lot, I love you!!

(Tw for slight nsfw)

General headcanons:

El Matador

trans fem, pansexual, she/her pronouns

Spanish, born in the capital

hyper sexual, but doesn’t accept it because “everyone’s a bit horny sometimes” (she’s horny 24/7)

npd and bdp because, do I have to explain??

crazy bitch with multiple disorders but I love her

loves tight shirts and flare/wide pants (and short skirts but that’s on special occasions), her closet literally has any piece you can think of!

rudest person EVER, doesn’t think before talking, and is not willing to. Apologizing? What’s that?

proudest Spaniard you will ever meet

really silky, soft, long black hair, every time she’s stressed she just caresses it

North Shaw

trans masc, bisexual, he/they pronouns

Both of his parents are Argentinian but he was born in Australia

Has freckles literally everywhere, doesn’t really like them

biggest The Smiths and The Cure fan, some people might call him basic because his favorite song is “Boys don’t cry”. He once listened to it all night and his neighbors called the police on him

HES SO DUMB HE CANT TAKE INDIRECTS FOR HIS LIFE OH MY GOD

stupid ass jock (I’m so mad about the fact they made him smarter in the earlier seasons)

a sucker for love, spent his teenage years hugging his pillow while crying

found out he was into men thanks to an “am I gay” quiz he did as a joke with his friends, he got the highest score out of them and stayed awake the whole night thinking about it

his dancing skills are horrible, but has so much fun in discos, he be hitting the most hideous moves with Blok, but hey, he’s happy!

Ship headcanons:

“North is the smart one and El Matador is the stupid one!” INCORRECT LOUD BUZZER, WRONG. THEY ARE BOTH STUPID AS FUCK

used to shower together but they stopped since North kept peeing on his very dear gf☺️

their first date was to the beach, they both got drunk and decided to go run naked and terrorize seagulls (they later had to run away because the seagulls came for them)

North is sometimes quite insecure about his body, and el matador literally does not help.

——north looking at himself in the mirror clearly feeling insecure

——“babe don’t look at yourself like that your ass is so fat and juicy don’t worry”

all their disagreements get solved with a “I’m at Wendy’s do you want something”

North once presented El to his parents, let’s just say they had to go to couple therapy after that! (Thanks Nel for the hc)

admire each other a lot, but will not say it

when sleeping together North keeps getting in El’s side of the bed. (She pushes him out by literally kicking him) (and he somehow doesn’t wake up)

oh yeah I forgot, NORTH SNORES SO LOUDLY.

El Matador once tried to cover his mouth with water to stop the snoring but he began to choke (and he still somehow didn’t wake up)

when bored El asks North to carry her around the house

North canonically doesn’t shower a lot so his very dear gf (☺️) created a twitter account called “North’s days without showering count” in which she posts things like “day nine without north showering. He smells like hell and says going into the ocean counts as showering.” (account which went pretty viral)

when making out North usually grabs her by her waist

they are so dumb some of their conversations are like this

——“dude I was looking for my phone with my phones flashlight 😂😭”

——“oh my god 😂😭 where was it?”

North once got cancelled for punching a cameraman recording them getting out of a restaurant

they can be in the most serious talk of their life’s with the team and El would star rubbing north’s thight and then looking at him like “you know you want this” (once got caught and coach went on an one hour rant with the boys about why it was wrong)

For North’s birthday El gave him multiple photos of herself and made one of those rose petals path with candles to the room

The most romantic North has even done is letting El eat the last fry

North brushes El’s hair when he’s nervous

every time any of them have a hard day they just curl up on the bed hugging each other while the other one cries (but when asked they both deny it because what the fuck that’s so embarrassing)

talk shit together

——“I CANT believe they put Liquido number one in the best hair of the super league category, HAVE YOU SEEN THAT?”

——“OH MY GOD I KNOW RIGHT IT LOOKS HORRENDOUS WHO EVEN FUCKED HIM UP THAT BADLY”

literally kissed in front of everyone after winning the super league but hey… Those are just rumors, alright??

El matador paints North’s nails but he usually ends up eating the nail polish when dry (again thanks Nel for the hc!!)

every time El sees North talk to someone she immediately comes and enters the conversation as she hugs North (jealous cunt)

Both confessed their love to each other when drunk at a super league event

North has an horrible photo of El sleeping as his phone wallpaper

They both sleep naked

NSFW headcanons:

both absolutely love riding each other

There isn’t a pose they haven’t tried out yet

They both have so much hickeys, and when people ask them why do they both CASUALLY have hickeys they’ll just say “yeah I think the mosquitos empire only comes for our necks… and torsos… and waists… and chests….”

THEY ARE SO LOUD OH MY GOD

once had sex in the beach, they’ve never had more fun (north’s idea)

If you wonder, the glasses ARE STAYING.

once had an argument because North came on her face and stained her glasses so she got mad at him, then North said that she should take the glasses off and oh my god north how could u say that to me learn to control your cum it’s not that hard

El once called North at 3am because she was feeling so horny and dirty talked until the sunrise (me and who..)

blowjobs >>>

they like it rough!!

absolutely despise three-ways. Once tried it out and couldn’t even finish

hair pulling at its finest!!

[wandering-koyote]

Im using this chance to scream about my mortal kombat hot take that turned into a rlly long ramble (only loosely related bc its about two normal humans lol):

Everyone says Cassie and Jacqui shouldn't have been in MK11, since Cas has had the main character spotlight in MKX and Jacqui has the personality of cardboard, while Takeda/Jin are more interesting. HOWEVER I actually think they deserved to be in the game 500% more, but that Netherrealm completely fumbled them. Jacqui more than Cassie, like horribly so.

Both really need something 'unique' about them, and MK11 was that chance, but instead Jacqui is just. A plot device really. She only exists to support other character arcs and be a borderline macguffin for Jax to have motivation- her own damn tower ending is her dying to further someone else's life. MK11 should've given Jacqui something to define herself a bit more in the story! Some kind of plot!! Cassie's story is sorta interesting, but Sonya coming back kinda dulls the impact of Sonya, yknow, dying. Hanzo's death is more impactful since his character arc was just wiped, Sonya doesn't get that. The whole "you're my mom who just died but not yet because you're from the past and im really conflicted about this" angle was, as my dad who watched me play said, "really fucked up" (in a good way imo), but they really only confined that to one scene. If you're gonna go at that angle, put ur whole pussy into it babe!!!

Takeda/Jin have more than enough to separate themselves from their parents, so yeah Cassie and Jacqui really needed an extra game to grow. Unfortunately they didn't, they're just kinda static. So im delving into personal story ideas!

Cassie would've really benefitted from gifted kid syndrome- girl just killed a god and saved the world, mk11 shouldve rlly leaned into the idea that shes pulling herself apart to try and keep being the main character. Kid of Johnny and Sonya, god killer?? Make that shit keep her up at night. Make her take charge in every situation where the older characters aren't there, make her self sacrificial, make her want to be the hero not because she wants that fame again, but because earthrealm is notorious for crumbling without someone to protect it and she cant bear to have anyone else shoulder that weight. She did it once, she can take it again. Then make Sonya die doing exactly what Cassie's doing, sacrificing herself for the mission and for Earthrealm.

Then she comes back, younger and a little less hardened. I think it's infinitely better if we flip the whole "ur my mother" thing- make Sonya conflicted that this is her child who is writhing in agony over her mother's death and Sonya isn't sure what shes meant to do. Everything screams to go and comfort her- its her DAUGHTER for crying out loud, but how would Cassie react? Would it only make things worse? What the HELL did her future self do to make Cassie look at her with such mixed emotions? It's mentioned a few times that present Sonya valued work heavily over her family, and that it got worse and worse over time, so i think it should culminate in a scene where Sonya from the past tells Cassie that her future self was wrong- the mission isnt everything, and she has family she needs to look out for. I think it'd mirror the Johnny's well too, since old Johnny literally beat the shit out of younger Johnny because he refused to take his (future) family seriously.

Jacqui on the other hand? She just needs her own damn arc. Keep Jax becoming a bad guy, thats fine imo, but touch on the mother's death and Jacqui's feelings about it. Her damn MOTHER died and the story is completely "ohhh jax became a bAD GUY ABOUT THIS" and I don't even think Jacqui gets to like, I dont even think her death is mentioned around Jacqui at all. I think just adding a few scenes between present Jax and Jacqui would fix a lot. Have the two not talk since her death; Jacqui really wants to talk about it, acknowledge what happened and try and heal, while Jax is ignoring her attempts and distancing himself (depression) and simultaneously trying to protect Jacqui. Replace the Kronika and Jax scene with a scene of the two in a fight, Jax trying to tell Jacqui to leave the military and dodging any conversation about how badly theyre both hurting, while Jacqui is pissed that he's shutting himself off and is basically regressing her into a child as a way to cope. Jacqui leaves in a huff, and Jax alone going "please, i just want to protect my little girl", queue the clicking of the grandfather clock stopping the tears freezing midair. Dont even show us the conversation, just hard cut away- the fight tells us everything we need to know about why Jax is doing what hes doing. I think that ALONE would help with Jacqui a lot (we've acknowledged she has feelings about her mom's death and that she has a conflict with her dad going on now), but going further you might be able to replace the cassie/raiden scene with JACQUI instead. Have Jacqui be upset that Jax is so deep in grief that hes joined the bad guys, and that she cant even tell what type of person her father is anymore. Is he the father that pushed her on the swing when she squeeled 'higher!', who hugged her so gently with his metal arms, or is he the man he is now, joining with criminals and thieves and murderers in the name of her 'protection'? Is that who he's always been? Have Raiden tell her that it doesnt matter who her father is, but who SHE is. Is she the type of person who give up on her dad? Or will she look him in the eye and tell him "I love you despite everything" and fight to save him?

Jax and Jacqui should reconcile before the boat scene entirely so they can get a plot beat to just talk. Too much action for a pause in the boat scene. My timeline of events is iffy but maybe this can happen at the Tiara scene- iirc Cetrion LITERALLY threatens to kill Jacqui and Jax is STILL on Team Kronika after this. CMON. Have Jax switch sides and attack Cetrion when she tries killing Jacqui- Past Jax is a bit iffy to me as an addition to the scene, he doesnt rlly add anything. Have Jax snap out of everything at the realization that its not the military putting Jacqui in danger, its HIMSELF. Have him admit hes wrong, and the two finally get a moment to grief (even if briefly bc the world is dying again). Have Cetrion note this interaction too. Whens the last time her mother ever hugged her like that? When was the last time they grieved the loss of Father? Even MENTIONED Father? Is Kronika even her mother beyond just the name? Hot take but have Cetrion try and betray Kronika at the end of the plot because of this moment, and Kronika goes "lmao no" and absorbs her essence anyway.

VERY LONG ASK I KNOW BUT I NEED TO GET THIS IDEA OUT!!! It also adds a layer of theming around family and love, something thats vaguely there in MKX and MK11 but its like. Hidden and an afterthought. Jax protect Jacqui bc shes family. Cassie is grieving the death of a family member. The villian is the mother of two other villians and kills one and discards the other. Cassie and Jacqui deserve better thats my message im here all night folks

Yesss! The family themes need to hit hard! This is why I’m sad they rebooted when we could’ve had more familial growth, but maybe we’ll get it in the next few games 😭

I don’t have much input because I agree with so much (if only I could ring up NRS and get you hired)! BUT IM POSTING CUZ YOU COOKED FR FR AND NEED RECOGNITION 🔥🔥🔥

[icharchivist]

DGM 248 spoilery thoughts:

(link to the chapter there)

-There's something so soft and intimate about all of them naping together it makes me want to cry

-Allen sleeping with the jar is so upsetting :(

-"haha yeah Allen! Go stay hydrated! this is what you deserve king! .... something is going to go wrong."

-AND WHAT A THING. HELLO NEA? ITS BEEN A WHILE.

-NEA YOU CANT SAY THAT TO PEOPLE

-World's most adorable and annoying parasite.

-Man Nea is REALLY MAD Allen forgot about him. But he is really being a bitch about it :sob:

-Also Nea REALLY doesn't want Allen to go to the Campbell Mansion? I hope it doesn't discourage Allen since it's our only clue as to bring Lavi back in the story since it's the only place that seems to hold answers. But if anything that just makes the mansion even more suspicious to hold actual answers.

-EXCUSE ME EXCUSE ME EXCU???? HAS ALLEN NOT BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH PEOPLE USING HIM

-first this page absolutely slaps, it looks gorgeous

-Second, that's good Allen knows about it now, i kinda. forgot he wasn't aware of it yet

-but third: Nea and the WORST WAYS to inform someone they should start having an identity crisis.

-He's SOOO petty about the fact Allen gave himself to him, then forgot about him, and now is actively working against him. Fucking blows man.

-So like does Allen have to expect Nea to pop up from any mirrors to give him existential crisis at all time. poor lad.

-Allen you were doing such a good job at finally opening up to the people around you and not lying and faking a smile to pretend that everything was alright while nothing is. Sweetie you had made progress like, yesterday night. Please. Don't lie now. especially when Nea told you something super important that everyone could try to learn about.

Esp since you have Kanda with you right now like *grabs his shoulders* how about you talk with mister "was forcefully reincarnated in a new body without my memories" when the man inside of you tells you you've been reincarnated in a new body without your memories, but out of your own free will. Allen. Allen.......

I mean i know why he does that, Allen always takes everything upon himself and all but :( god this is so sad, he was making progress and Nea just came along and ruined everything again.

im in shamble.

Anyway it was a great chapter reminding us of the threat Nea has and how difficult the whole thing is emotionally speaking for Allen.

Damn all i wanted was him to be hydrated and now he has yet another identity crisis :( this guy never wins.

Chapter was gorgeous also. A wonderful read. thank you Hoshino-sensei. And thank you to Kougeki scans as always!

[pr3ttyf4wn]

I wait for you (Verse 2) Stuck In a Music Box NNN Day 9 Tw: Abuse, toxic relationships, biting, abusive relationships. (take caution to these when reading below the cut.)

"I know a girl who sits still on Sunday night"

You sat there curled into a ball, hot tears streaming down your face as you bite down on the side of your hand, until blood forms in tiny bubbles from the indent of your teeth, to stifle the sobs coming from your mouth.

Your boyfriends in the shower and this is the only chance you ever have to cry, so you take it. Luke is so mean. He's so so mean and violent. One thing you say or do sets him off. He yells, throws things, hit walls, hits you.

You cant escape cause you have no where to go. You're mom and dad told you to not date him and when you did anyway they told you to not come back until you're finally done with him.

You don't know how to be done with him.

"Because her boy hits hard in the morning light."

Your boyfriend went off to go join Chris and the rest of his little group at the skate park- leaving you alone.

You sat on the wall in-front of a mirror, scanning your skin and looking at the purple and blue bruises. The yellowish-green ones. The brown ones.

Your skin is marred and it makes you feel numb. You poke and prob at the bruises and there should be some pain there but there isn't. Not a single bit. You should be worried- that's got to be some kind of issue- but you aren't. Not at all. If this meant you were dying you would take it with open arms.

But you don't want to die. Neither do flowers, but without sun and soil and water, they do. And they can't help it. It's not their fault.

You're like a flower that hasn't had any sun. A daisy that's wilting.

"He told her "Everything ends when you reach that thrill.""

"You can go and fuck around this Chris all you want to little miss ballerina but that shits all gonna end when he realize how much of a prude you actually are. He only wants you for sex. And when he figures out you wont give it to him he'll leave. I know what he's like. I know. And i know that, I'm your best chance, honey." His voice went from loud and angry to soft and sweet in a matter of seconds. the change is what you like whiplash feels like. Chris wouldn't do that. Chris cares. Right?

"He cares, Luke. He's just a friend and he cares more than you." You murmur, not meeting his gaze. You hear a scoff and his hand rubbing across his stubble before he mumbles 'whore.' and storms out, slamming the door behind him.

"He told her "Nothing exists past the windowsill""

"There's nothing out there for you! Nothing past your pretty pink bedroom and your frilly curtains and bedsheets. You're nothing without your ballet. You're nothing!" Luke screams from the doorway of his house.

You decided to pull up your big girl pants and leave. Leave this house that's too dim and smells like weed. Leave Luke. Leave the relationship that has been tearing you limb from limb for almost 2 years.

"It's nothing new. I wait for you."

You're running. Running to someplace that you don't even register until you're knocking on the door. It's raining and you're soaked and cold, but you feel so warm when he opens the door. Your sun, Chris.

"Oh, honey.." He whispers softly and pulls you into the house, arms wrapped around you as your legs finally give out. You sink to the floor as you sob into his chest as he sits down with you. "I don't know what to do anymore." Chris nods his head and rubs your back.

He's content to comfort you all night and all of tomorrow if that's what you need from him. If that what his pretty dancer needs then that's what he'll do. He'll wait for you to calm down. Wait for you to know what to do. He'll wait for you.

------------

a pr3ttyf4wn scroll !

[bbyzyyy]

STAY PART: ||

“look, I’m gonna go call geto while I heat up a wet towel for your head, geto will be here soon, ok.?” while grabbing your phone. he grabs your wrist. “stay.” he pulls you closer “please?” gojo whispers the last part, his lips are plump while his glossy blue eyes stare into yours. your mind goes blank. stay? here? with him? now? “what??” “no I cant, just wait okay? geto will be here soon.” you pull your wist away. beginning to text geto. you can feel gojos eyes on you, staring at you. looking at him you see his pouty face, he looks like he’s gonna cry. “do you not love me anymore y/n?”

you wake up too the soft sunlight shining down on you, the feeling of warmth around you makes you wonder. finally opening your eyes you see pale strong arms holding a firm grip on your waist. coming to your senses you roll out of the arms and stare right at him. gojo. ur ex boyfriend. is in ur bed, looking fine as ever, shirtless, wait shirtless? you rom your hands around your body to check if your wearing clothes phew we didn’t do anything , you thought too yourself.

you start panicking. “how did I even end up sleeping with him? I thought geto was coming to get him, I was set up>:(“ you say. gojo finally begins to awake, robbing his eyes while yawning “hey sweet cheeks~” he smiles at you like nothing about this is crazy whatsoever. “gojo. how much do you remember?” you speak while pulling your messed up hair into a hairstyle walking away to find his shirt. your trying to act calm, you don’t want to start anything . you just want him out, not matter how much you already miss his warmth even more.

gojo eyes followed you has you hand him his thrown shirt, looking up at you he says “just the part we’re you climb in bed with me”. you huff “stop acting like I had a choice, your hand was crushing my wrist, with you begging me to stay. ‘y/n,baby, please I need you to stay,don’t leave me again pleaseeee’ so much for giving me space.” you say while mocking his voice. “just get dressed and be ready for geto to come here, for real this time, I’m calling him.” you walk out leaving gojo alone in your room.

his eyes start to wonder from the pictures of you and your friends and family on your mirror, too the fairy lights that brought a warm feeling to the room, the smell of a vanilla filling his nose. fixing his pants and shirt. grabbing his sunglasses from your vanity he sees a old shoe box filled with lil love notes, tickets form the frist movie y’all want together, pictures of him and you together for prom, graduation, your birthday party.pictures of you holding him, kissing his cheek, laying on him while passed out drunk. happy memories. the times he missed so much. the times he thinks bout all day and night. the times he wants back, he touches a picture with your face’s smushed together captioned “ stay till the end of time ”. his heart aches at that word. stay. you always said that you’ll stay with him forever. so that what he expected, for you to stay. even while he couldn’t even stay home with you without disappearing. the word didn’t means anything to him, so when you left he thought you would come back, and stay with him like you said, the word has more meaning to him, you have more meaning to him, his ready to stay, more than ever before.

hearing the door open he closes the shoe box while coming up with an excuses on why he’s taking so long. locking eyes with the box you see him holding a picture, you read your handwriting “stay till the end of time”, “ why are you holding that.” he just looks at you, he speaks up “I miss you.” your breathe hitches, “you..what..?” you whisper.

“gosh y/n I miss you! I miss talking to you about the most random things, I miss you kissing me every time I got a question right when we studied together in this same room. I miss learning how to do you hair for when you got injured and couldn’t do it yourself. I miss you running up to me everyday after class looking so fucking exited to see me, even though you would see me the literal next period. I miss walking you home and holding your backpack, I miss our late night talks about the future, I miss those small notes you used to put in my locker, I miss your kisses, I miss your hugs, I miss your laugh, I miss your smile, I miss your touch, I miss your cuddles,” he breathes in grabbing your hands “god fucking damn it y/n I miss you!” his eyes are watering, he begins too pull you closer

“y/n I just want to stay with you until the end of time .”

locking eyes with him once more you feel your tears falling, you feel like breaking down. “gojo..I..” fuck it. “fuck you gojo” you say. his eyes widen has he begins to slowly move away. you continue, holding his hands tighter. “fuck you for making me wait for you to come to your senses, but gosh did I miss you” you feel yourself getting lifted off the floor. “don’t scare me like that! I thought I lost you again.” He laughs while putting you down. you cup his cheek, “don’t worry, you can stay” you say smiling while finally putting your lips onto his.

——————————————————————————————————

the end .

poor geto was waiting outside the whole time :(

[mr-bas00nist]

Discoveries

Vittorio x Male Reader

Summary: After accidentally killing on Fabrizo’s students,Vittorio gets sent to his uncles place.

Cw- Blood and death

Vittorio breathes in sharply washing his hands continuously in the scalding water. He had just killed a man. Whether it was an accident or on purpose he died because of Vittorio.

Vittorio keeps washing his hands trying to get the non-existent blood off of them.

He felt like his whole body needed to be dumbed in bleach to get the metaphorical grime off of him. After a few more washes he examines his now dry hands.

He still could see blood in his mind. When he looked into the mirror all he could see was a bloodied murderer. Himself.

Vittorio heard a knock on his door. He turns around to see his mother walking inside. “Si Mamma?” Yes mom? Vittorio manages to speak without any shakiness in his voice.

“tuo padre ha bisogno di parlarti.” Your father needs to talk to you. Vittorio pauses for a moment. He sighs nodding.

After Vittorio finishes in the shower he quickly gets dressed heading downstairs to get an earful from his father. He stops in the dining hall awaiting for his father to recognize his presence.

His fathers gaze switches to him. “Vittorio, Fabrizio dice che adesso ti rifiuti di prendere un'arma è così?” Vittorio, Fabrizio says that you now refuse to pick up a weapon is that so?

“si padre.” Yes father. Vittorio quickly answers not meeting his fathers harsh gaze. “e perché?” And why is that?. “sono stato coinvolto nella morte di un altro allievo di Fabrizio. quando si stava precipitando verso di me cadde sul suo pugnale.” i was involved in the death of another student of Fabrizio's. when he was rushing at me he fell on his dagger.

His father roles his eyes. “Vittorio che è stato un incidente, hai fatto quello che dovevi fare.” Vittorio that was an accident, you did what you had to do. Vittorio grits his teeth.

“quello che dovevo fare,” what I had to do Vittorio mocks. “non volevo allenarmi in primo luogo!” i didn't want to train in the first place!

His father slams his hands on the table walking to Vittorio. “Non me ne frega un cazzo di quello che vuoi, non parlarmi mai così MAI più!” I don't give a fuck what you want, do not ever speak to me like that EVER again!

Vittorio simply just glares at his Father. “Perché non puoi essere come i tuoi fratelli?” Why cant you be like your brothers? His father asks. Vittorio scoffs. “perché non sono loro.” Because I’m not them.

Albert laughs. “Bene, vuoi essere così? essere mio ospite! sei fuori Vittorio!” Fine, you wanna be like that? be my guest! your out Vittorio. Caterina’s eyes go wide as she runs to Albert trying to convince him not to send Vittorio away. Vittorio glares at his father before waking to his room to pack up.

Vittorio angrily begins taking stuff out his room and putting it in a bag. He mumbles to himself about his ‘stupid father’ and ‘perfect brothers.’ Vittorio sighs looking at his packed bag making sure he’s got everything he needs.

Once he’s all done he walks down the grand staircase meeting his fathers gaze. He sees his mother still begging his father to not kick him out. He also turns his head to the left seeing his older brothers standing there with an unreadable emotion on their faces.

“Non lasciare che la porta ti colpisca mentre esci.” Do not let the door hit you on the way out. Vittorio scowls at his father. His mother rushes to him hugging him while crying. Vittorio tells her it’ll be alright to which she nods at him sorrowfully. “fuori ora.” out now his father speaks.

Vittorio gives one last look before walking out the doors. Uncle Renzo’s guards quickly picked Vittorio up escorting him to Renzo’s. When they get back Vittorio looks around with an amazed look on his face.

Bookshelves beyond belief, a giant fireplace to keep warm and comfortable leather couches. Vittorio sat down on one of the couches waiting for his uncle. “Vittorio, how are you?” His uncle smiles with an interested look on his face.

He sits down next to Vittorio looking at the young man. “quanto posso essere bravo?” Renzo sighs. “English Vittorio it’s been years since I’ve spoken Italian.” Vittorio snickers. “Respectfully uncle Renzo, how good can I be?” Renzo laughs.

“Im not sure but it’s common courtesy to ask. So your father kicked you out?” Vittorio nods. “How come?” Renzo asks curiously. “Because I refused to pick up a sword after I killed a man.” Vittorio states not meeting Renzo’s gaze.

“Fabrizio made one of his men attack me, i refused to fight him so I dodged him. He impaled himself with the knife. He bled out in a few seconds.”

“Vittorio, that is not your fault if anything it is Fabrizio’s fault. He should not have sent a boy to battle you.” Vittorio refuses to meet his gaze as he tears up a little. “But I will not pester you about it any longer.” Renzo smiles.

“Uncle Renzo, father said you do not battle yourself either. Is that true?” Renzo smiles brightly. “I prefer the pacifist route, war solves nothing.” Vittorio nods agreeing.

“I bury myself in the secrets of the world, discoveries and expeditions are my passion not blood and murder.”

For the first time since forever Vittorio never felt so understood. It was not common to find someone who wasn’t obsessed with blood and guts. It broke Vittorio’s heart to see people who thought that was how the world worked and would always work.

They sit in silence for a moment until Renzo speaks. “Vittorio would you like to accompany me on a journey one day?” Vittorio looked up at Renzo’s soft gaze. He nods with a smile. Renzo sighs with relief. “I’m glad to have someone with the same ideals of me. Especially someone so close.”

Vittorio and Renzo’s eyes were locked with each other before a guard broke there conversation up. “Sir one of the military leaders would like to speak to you.” They say. “Is that so? Alright than. Vittorio, I’ll be back please make yourself comfortable.”

Vittorio nods watching his uncle walk out the grand estate with a guard. Vittorio sighs walking around the living room. He looked through the numerous bookshelves dragging his finger across each book. He stops at a book taking it out.

Vittorio tilts his head looking at it with intrigue. ‘Lapis Paradisus.’ He sighs taking the book to the couch and beginning to read it. He looks at the cover over curiously. It was navy blue with a rough texture bounded by a gold spine.

He begins reading obviously interested in the book. He continues reading it getting more and more interested by the book by the second. He continues reading throughout the night taking book after book after book. By the time he was done he had 10 books stacked beside him.

Exhaustion finally catches up to Vittorio and he falls asleep on the luxurious couch.

Renzo later walks in with his guards to see Vittorio passed out on the couch. Renzo laughs walking up to Vittorio but the books catch his eyes. These were his expedition plans? Each one had notes in it that he knew Vittorio wrote based on the Italian.

His uncle reads them curiously as a smile creeps up on his face. “He’s perfect for this.”

[infinite-orangepeel]

it's rotten work (loving a heart like mine) pt. 5 excerpt

feel free to make my day and check out the rest of the fic/this chapter on ao3 here. love youuuuu <3

tw: feminization, slapping, emotional pain but it's hurt/comfort and the fic is angst with a happy ending

“Do it again,” Steve knows how crazy he sounds–doesn’t care, “Harder this time.”

At that, Eddie smothers him in a chafing kiss, tugs his head back by the hair, and moans deeply into his neck–vibrations that make Steve whine with want. 

“Call me Daddy from here on out or you don’t get my cock. If you’re gonna act like a horny painslut, I’m gonna treat you like one,” Eddie threatens and snaps the elastic of Steve’s underwear against his waist making him hiss, “Are you afraid of me, kitten? Of what I might do to you?” 

“No,” Steve’s cheek stings as he grins to say it, eyes squeezed shut in compliance, “because you’d never really hurt me. Not in any way I didn’t ask for, not in any way I didn’t deserve.”

“For fuck’s sake–you don’t deserve pain, baby,” Eddie slaps him again on the opposite cheek, eliciting a whiny yelp from Steve, “You deserve patience. You deserve kindness. You deserve love.” 

“It scares you though, doesn’t it? I scare you,” he counters, fucking himself against Eddie’s thigh–somewhat unnerved when he doesn’t find himself held back from friction. Eddie’s letting him take what he wants, adding his hands to help him cant into the seam of his boxers,“You’re afraid of me. You’re afraid of how I make you feel,” his breaths come shakily as he debates the risks associated with pushing Eddie too far, “You’re afraid of how far I’ll go to prove I’m yours.”

“I’m afraid of myself,” Eddie confesses, jutting his knee up between Steve’s thighs and rubbing below the swell of his balls in smooth, tormenting circles, “I want too much. I want to own you, claim you, wrap you around my finger so tightly that no one else would even dare think about calling you theirs. People aren’t supposed to want each other like that, Steve. It’s not healthy. I don’t even know if it’s human.” 

“You’re punishing yourself,” he clumsily finds Eddie’s lips and presses two fingers to them to silence him, “but you don’t have to. You can have everything you want if you’ll just let me give it to you.” 

“Baby,” Eddie grabs his wrist, “You don’t–”

“Color?” Steve asks, slowing the thrust of his hips to a stop and crossing his arms over his naked chest defiantly 

“You don’t have to color check me, Steve. I’m the dom–”

“Color,” he tips his chin up high and puffs out the fullest part of his chest, “or we don’t play.” 

He’s being a cocky asshole. 

He’s being Steve from High School. 

He’s being Steve who always gets the girl, always makes the game-winning shot, always gets to wear the crown. 

“The stoplight system is to keep you safe, not the other way around,” Eddie drops his knee so they’re no longer touching. Poised to stand off like they’re starring in the opening scene of an old western movie. 

“I’m going to open my eyes on the count of three. I’m going to look at you. I’m going to get in the shower and you’re going to follow me. Then, I’m going to get on my knees and fucking worship you and tell you how beautiful you are and you’re not going to stop me. And once I’m done, you’re going to fuck me until I cry,” Steve hears Eddie choke back something akin to tears, “So for the last time, color?” 

“Green, you switchy little shit,” Eddie laughs brokenly and buries his salt covered face into Steve’s messy hair–mirroring him from earlier, “God, I suck as a dom. First day on the job and you’re already taking control of me. Please don’t put this on my permanent record, I’m begging you.”

Steve reverently wraps his arms around Eddie’s sulking body and kisses every last part of him that his lips can reach without undoing their embrace. Stamping his devotion into Eddie’s shoulders, his biceps, his eyelashes, his teeth. Gluing him back together bit by bit; as is their way. Assbackwards, delusional, buggy, and strange. 

“You’ll have plenty of opportunities to prove yourself in a minute,” Steve jokes cautiously and reaches down to push Eddie’s boxers to the floor, along with his own–pools of cotton at their feet,“I’m going to start counting. There’s nothing to be afraid of. It’s just me.”

I hope he can’t tell I’m making this up as I go. 

Eddie tightens his hold on Steve; pulling him so close it’s a mystery that their atoms don’t fuse. 

“One.” 

He’s just close enough to the shower to reach in and turn the nob all the way on; hoping it won’t freeze them to death but who knows with the age and general condition of Hopper’s cabin. 

“Two.” 

Then again, it wouldn’t be such a bad way to go–naked in Eddie’s arms, holding the only man he’s ever loved. There are surely worse fates. 

“Three.”

Steve touches before he sees; runs a clinical autopsy on Eddie’s fears by way of fine fingers. With surgical precision—he frames his lover’s neck, applies gauze made of sweet nothings, and hollows himself out to make space for what once was. 

“Hideous,” the boy with the hummingbird heart cries salt and hate—cacophony of despair, “I know I am.” 

“Beautiful,” the boy with the stained-glass soul replies too earnestly—his fatal flaw rushing to the surface, “Even more than before. I can see you, all of you. Everything,” he cups his face and licks up his tears, “The best nights—my favorite nights—happen when there’s nothing in the way to block the full moon. When the light swallows up the darkness and I don’t have to feel so alone anymore,” he kisses the few knicks on Eddie’s scalp and smooths a tentative hand over his shortened hair, “You have no idea how many times that’s been the thing that saves me.” 

Eddie leans back, water trickling into the basin of the tub beside him, and reveals the totality of his body to Steve—broad daylight, mid-morning, two drops of blood drying on his neck where mistakes have been made, coffee on his breath, thicket of curls remaining on his pelvis, vicious scars decorating his torso, fine line of blackened hair punctuating his navel—magnum opus of celestial creation. Space dust and vulgar ink and full lips. 

Heaven sent or something greater. Beatific when he smiles through bloodshot eyes and heavy tears to constrict Steve’s throat in his hands like the snake of Eden. Giving him exactly what he wants—a thank you, an apology, a means of forgiveness. 

“But remember this,” Eddie squeezes and Steve feels t.v. static in his veins, “The moon has no light of its own without the sun,” he kisses the tops of Steve’s eyelids in praise of all that they’ve done. 

[k-ru-h]

theres something to be said about inherent human kindness and art and all that

i had an absolute trainwreck of a day and an hour long gap between classes, so i decided to plop by the local art store thats too far away from my home but maybe a 10min walk from school. they had really good prices and i wanted to buy the pretty pastel watercolors for myself and my friend, to make the day less miserable.

the storeworker, a kind-looking old man (surely at least in his 60s), picked up all the aquarelle boxes, saying he didnt want me, a seemingly abled person, to have to kneel on the floor to look at them. and he told me how he doesnt stock all the colors but he explained to me in detail, umprompted, how to order them for myself, with or without paying him. and he told me how hes owned this store for 28 years and hasnt changed locations (despite the location being horrible) because hes genuinely attached to this one. this shitty, tiny little hole in the wall place with no AC or even proper ventilation. and he started talking about his days as an artist, and all the incredible people he met, and how stores from the capital monopolizing certain brands ruined his once proud selection of products, and how to properly use watercolor paper, how to use distilled water and stick to one paper brand and how his personal dream is to get his hands on the aquarelles created only by and for that one russian college, and he treated me, a fucking infant baby child (18) whos been doing aquarelles for like two days (4 years) as a genuine peer and worthy conversation partner. and i almost started crying from the genuine love i felt for him.

and the day after, i got hungry between classes and decided to stop by the bakery. the bakery itself is overpriced - for the same price as other ones, you get maybe half the product. and its been closed for tax fraud maybe a month ago.

and this storeworker is an elder woman - not as old as the artist, but surely near or in her 50s - and she sometimes wears the bracelet i made her. the other students call her the "empress" of the store (named "empress"). she is the only reason i go there, and i only go when shes working the shift. at first it was because of the free food shed give us. shed always toss in a few cookies, she even remembered my favorite, and shed wish you a "royal" day (pun intended). soon, we started going there outside of the rush hours, and actually talking to her. her dream has always been to be an opera singer, but this is a poor country, and she has a sickly mother and a son who lives abroad to take care of. but she told us she found her fulfilment in work through the kindness she spread - not just the free food, but the compliments and kind words. and i almost cry every time i remember she didnt know she was so loved by the students. when i told her everybody only goes there for her, she actually didnt believe me, and when i noticed she dyed her hair (we now have similar haircolors!), she put it down and posed in front of the little hanging mirror with the biggest smile ive ever seen on her.

and i havent seen this person lately, im assuming because i havent been to one of the two places she frequents and she, probably, has, but theres this wonderful woman - i cant tell if shes old or worn down by hard work and stress - who always has the most vibrant, colorful jewelry and carries a little cardboard box.

and she approached me one day, i was going to meet up with some friends to talk about lord of the rings, and she stopped me to tell me how beautiful my hand made jewelry was. and she was holding a puppy under one arm, almost cartoonishly, and told me all about how she used to have a jewlery stand right here in this street. all of the money shes ever made shes invested in taking care of stray cats and dogs. even if it meant shed go hungry, she always made sure the animals she took care of were fed and warm and happy. but the stand was closed because of tax issues, and no cop was sympathetic towards the little kitten or puppy shed always take with her, so she was forced to make ends meet however she could and beg for money or pet food donations. and this wasnt her pressuring me for money - i hadnt even brought my wallet that day, i had my phone and some tea. this was her genuinely just wanting to stop and compliment me, and being delighted to have someone to talk to, and whenever i see people treat her like dirt i want to cry.

my point is, i met a painter and a singer and a craftsman, and all of them were the kindest people ive ever met. and i don't really look approachable, i usually only get hateful looks in public, but these three people, with far more experience than me, just genuinely wanted to talk about the things they cared about, and what they create, and i think creation makes you kinder. i think painting and singing and crafting, no matter if its a life long profession, a dream, or a failed venture, makes you more than the summ of all your parts. or something cringe like that idfk

[yourghastlycloseness]

in the past few hours i went being convinced that i was the ugliest person to ever walk the earth and shd this destroy myself bcos i never want to look into the mirror again and see how everything is wrong with my face and body to being a loving daughter spending a day out with mom to cracking jokes to being completely upset about the state of my relationships and my anxiety and my fear abt starting a new job and if i’ll even be able to get one and how this wasnt a sponsorship at all it’s more like taking a loan out of a company and then being tied to it and having to pay off your debts and it’s all on you if you can’t do anything abt it and ive realise that its in these states of transition where im waiting for smth to happen that im the most jittery and irritable and depressed when the hosp called to ask how urgent my case was or thereabouts i said i wasnt suicidal which wasnt a lie when they called but i feel suicidal every few hours or every days or weeks honestly the feeling never goes away but i know how serious i am abt when id make an attempt and its usually in states like these where ive lost all control over my emotions and the only thing i can control is whether i live or not and even then its subject to how the suicide attempt is executed though its likely that jumping frm the 20+ floor of any building shd kill you upon impact how i don’t want to live like this anymore and being convinced again that i shd kill myself then seeing a worker get run over by a bus and thinking thats awful then having dinner w family and paying for it but not getting a word of thanks then asking dad to get drinks but he frowns and doesnt for a while and i dont understand why abd while we’re eating i drop a piece of the pork on the table and i want to flip the entire table over and when i wash the utensils at the sink i see my hair getting thinner unde rtbe fluorescents even tbligh im doing what i xan to keep it from falling out im gng to be bald by the time im 33 how much fun is that thirty flirty and thriving thirty fucking fat and fuckinf bald and fucking lonely was not how i samw it all for myself

and i cry at the table the whole way back and then take a walk the rewatch and feel bad for the worker hope he’s alright news report says he’s got fractures in his right leg i rly hope it’s nth more than that meanwhile i was feeling one thousands things and this man was just at work and feeling so much pain which reminds me that i need money i need to work in the meantime yet the sponsorship contract forbids me frm getting external employment without first getting their approval honestly i might just go work first and then wait for their approval cos it can take very long and dad sent a picture of kai earlier tpdya he’s completely shaven sown neck bcos of repeated skin infictikna my poor dog my poor boy i love love love you so much and ive been horrible and i think abt you all the time and its now my wallpaper bcos i want to workfor a vision of us tgt and hes still the handsomest boy around even when firless neck down also hes a real asshole i hope he never loses that mfer asshole corgi personality of his if he ever changes then i know ive lost a part of him and i dont want that feepndown inside i know we ee both assholes who fight and im gettingnout of this and youll get beteyr and i love you forever andnice cried so much i rly need to clean my eyes woth blpehagel cdps just loke my boy oget infections WILD my skin foes mot want to be with me it givez up on me doesnt matter lovenypus till kai youre the most shit dog in the worls and uoure mine even when youre not here and i love you wven if you dont love me and i dotn want my asian eyelids to get all fucked up tmr so im going to stop xrying now straight ip the only rweaso n i dont cru as muchthese says isnt bcosige gotten stronge ror gotten over the things that ipset me most its jury bcos i cant eisk ab infection again neeeded eye zurgery fkr that preciously and i bleieve i had a fucked ip eyesi fection but also my crying mad eit worse secondly aesthetics my syelids creases change everytie i cry ao i gotta fucking stoRPP

[clearmentalitykryptonite]

YOU AND YOUR MOTHER have been abusing me, stalking me, and talking shit to any and everyone. Abusing me to the point of ptsd and then saying oh let her do it to herself. That is fucking mental abuse. The drugging me at dairy queen where I'm passed out for HOURS. The night we went to Joe's hot dogs like I have been going since I was a child and then i went the hospital (where my mother was dying) that same night about my kidneys because my eyes were so bloodshot and yellow I was terrified and trauma bonded. They said I was fine so I didn't speak up. The pizza (hunts pizza) that I ate and it felt like I was having a heart attack and I went to the hospital and it some how changed to a stomach issue and they sent home with a prescription that I never picked up because I'm scared to take anything. Telling me it's just stress. How about when our daugher was drugged and her pupils were so fucking dilated. You put your fucking hands on me so many times and then want me to get over it and then tell me "You lie and accuse me and other people of untrue things and you act like I am so horrible when really you created a monster because you had too make someone a villain." "Quit thinking of the past and read what's being said now." "I'm done and when you move out I will finally be able to just live my life. I no longer can take the constant accusing and berating of my character. Down to the smallest thing that just isnt true. "

This shit is actually fucking happening. You want to talk about character look in the fucking mirror. I can talk about what I have been through. You know the truth. The thing you have yelled at me for in the past many fucking times trying to scare me into stop talking. Because every time i fucking do something in real life happens. You and your guys bullshit and punishments can go straight to hell. Nothing is left on the table and there hasnt been for a year when I broke up with your ass after everything you guys put me through. STOP FUCKING ACTING LIKE YOU ARE A FUCKING VICTIM OF CHEATING WHEN YOU FUCKING ABUSED ME YOU DAMN PIECE OF SHIT. I'm allowed to have friends and live my life stop making shit up and and trying sabatoge it. I REMEMBER EVERYTHING! Right down to your mother years ago with the subliminals and you when I go into your stream and asked you why they are saying this or that. You gaslighted me and called me crazy and denied my fucking reality and then you guys made the abuse all real life and did both. I remember the one time you guys made me a drink and then everyone was complaining their stomach hurt again with the subliminals? I didn't touch that drink. I asked you to drink it and you said no, refused actually and it was just a cup of juice. Just like with the peanut butter when you said you just had some and my eyes were bloodshot and it felt like I was high. I asked you to try it you did and then passed out that night. Then the next day I asked you to try it again again and you told me I'm crazy and you were just tired but I had to be sure since the kids were saying they didnt want me to drink the shake so I didnt die. But it was actually the peanut butter. Oh what about my makeup when our daughters eye swelled up and you knew exactly how to get rid of it but told me it wasnt you. Or what about the rash the kids had but you knew what the doctor said before I even told you. Or our daughter pointing to her mouth and her crotch then crying and saying she pooped and didnt want you to change her. "Even our daughter comes to me more now when she has a problem." I wonder why its taken so long for that. I asked for help multiple fucking times but apparently everyone hears your mom and your bullshit and thinks what?! I will continue to speak the truth until someone fucking listens. I cant even go out to eat because im scared of what stalking or drugs you guys will do as punishment. I cant even go in a grocery store because you fucking know why without anxiety because of your bullshit. I have lost so much weight. I'm my damn junior high weight. YOU GUYS ARE ABUSIVE AND YOU WILL GET WHAT PUNISHMENT YOU DESERVE.