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torusmistress · 9 months ago

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co-parent bakugou

katsuki bakugou x reader (part two)

fwb! bakugou who often came by your dorm during college to drop off school work when you missed lectures and loads when you missed him.

fwb! bakugou who came by before bed to fuck you into your pillow and listen to your hushed moans, hushed so your roommates wouldn’t hear. (they did)

fwb! bakugou who’s scared of committing because he “couldn’t see you in his future” and was too focused on his.

fwb! bakugou who’s late night visits became more and more scarce.

fwb! bakugou who months later soft launches his new partner on his story after telling you he’s not ready for a relationship.

fwb! bakugou who stops breathing at the sight of your name popping up on his phone as he cuddles his partner while watching movies, and nearly has a stroke at the “Im pregnant.” text.

_____

“well are ya sure it’s mine?” he asks, not daring to look away from you. you break eye contact and look outside the coffee shops’ window to focus on anything other than this conversation you’ve been dreading. “are you serious? you should know i’m not exactly one to sleep around,” you say to the man. he nods and his grip on his mug gets tighter, knuckles visibly whiter. “well, are ya keepin’ it,” he asks, “i don’t think that’d be a bright idea for either of us.” you kind of glare but think over his words. “you know how my parents feel about abortion kats.. i’d be disowned. the second the press found out about it, my family would be done for,” your eyes start to water and a tear threatens to fall, you pause “.. i thought you said you don’t do relationships?”

katsuki stares at you and shakes his head, “those fuckin’ hormones already getting to your brain or somethin?“ he sighs, “you know i can’t do this *nickname*. i’m in a committed relationship with raya, we’re getting engaged next month. on top of that, i can’t be number one with a baby leechin’ of me.” your heart drops, “you’re.. getting engaged? i.. um.. well, congratulations. i’m sorry to burden you with all of this… and i can’t abort it anyway.. i.. i’m too far along.. and i cant do this.” you finish & get up from the table and leave.

________

baby daddy! bakugou who ends up losing contact with you for months after you block him on everything a refuse to meet up per your family’s request.

baby daddy! bakugou who nearly forgets about you years later til kirishima brings you up and shows him your instagram.

baby daddy! bakugou who gets home and stalks you from a burner account, finds out you still talk to everyone from college but him.

baby daddy! bakugou who sees a pretty little ruby-eyed girl down your timeline, her resemblance to him uncanny.

baby daddy! bakugou who pulls some strings and texts your number asking to meet his daughter, hana.

___________

hana is 2 years old by now, forming choppy sentences and now waddling on her feet. after a week of texting, you finally fold and let him come over to meet his daughter. when you open the door to let him in he nearly finds himself choking on his spit at how beautiful you are. you looked even better than your posts, if that’s possible. you greeted him with a nod and invited him in. he takes his shoes off and head to the living room you led him to. you exchange stale pleasantries and small talk til you decide to go get your baby girl. “her name is ‘hana lei bakugou,’ as much as i wanted her to have my last name.”

you walk over to him and hand her to him, noticing the wedding band resting around his ring finger. you scoff, “wow so you two actually got married?” he nods and analyzes his daughters’ features. “shes so pretty, just like ‘er momma,” he half smiles and look up at you. “so i’ll have her back later tonight, gonna take ‘er home to meet the wife and all of that.” he goes to get off the couch. “woah, you don’t get to do that. you don’t get to come back back after all this time like nothing happened.” he looks frustrated for a second, “you can’t just- … yea yer right, ‘m sorry.’’

you nod, “how about we go up to her room and play?” he agrees and follows you into his daughter’s bedroom while carrying her.

“So.. how long have you two been in the area?” he asks, scanning his daughter's room. “I never really left, just moved closer to the city i guess,” you reply; putting hana down to the floor. She waddles over to katsuki. “hana, baby this is your father,” you look down at the little girl. At first she looks up at you with her glowing beady eyes then she looks over to Katsuki sitting over on a couch. “papa?” she asks and she points her dainty finger at him. you nod and smile. “yes baby, that's your papa.”

katsuki looks at the little girl and she reaches up for him. “up.” she says, and he obliges. you two talk and rekindle for what seemed to be days. In reality it was just about 4 hours. “*name* it was really nice to see you again, let's go out for dinner sometime. with hana of course.” you lead him downstairs while he says his goodbyes to hana.

“I told ya about this years ago raya, you can't be mad about this. What did you expect? for them to disappear?” bakugou yells at his wife. “well i didnt fucking expect you to go out of your way to to reach out either!” she pouts, anger and jealousy laced in her tone. “I have to own up to this responsibility now whether you like it or not, stop fuckin’ cursin’ at me. ‘m already stressed as is; ‘ion need yer bitchin’.”

“oh so now i'm bitching because you went out and got some slut pregnant.. you're just full of it katsuki.” raya says, glaring at him now. “ya cant get mad at me because I wanna be a father, ‘nd not just leave some kid stranded out here.”

“it's not just about the kid is it? do you miss the bitch or something? do you miss the sex? did she give you better head than I do?” raya accuses, bakugou sighs and goes to leave the room, “‘nd yea- she did give better head.” as he walks to their shared room he can hear her still yelling in the distance.

katsuki bakugou goes to sleep confused tonight. He wonders why was he such a prick. he wonders why did his heart pound so fast- why were his hands so sweaty when he saw you.

he couldn't do this. he has a wife. hes happily married, regardless of any arguments. his wife was the mayors daughter and promised him various things, she promised him glory. of course he didn't need her but it's definitely more helpful to have more "support." plus you hated him, only putting up with him for the sake of his daughter. no, it wasn't attraction- it was just nervousness. he loved his wife.

katsuki woke up to his wife, raya in his arms. she looked so pretty and peaceful like this. he snapped out of his daze and got out of bed to catch a shower. he couldn't help but find his hand reaching down to take care of himself. usually when he finds himself touching himself; its of thoughts of his wife from the night prior. but today it was you. he felt shameful but he just couldnt help it. he couldn't stop himself from thinking about you. hes only human.

#lulawrites #katsuki bakugou #katsuki x reader #bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #no proof read #no beta we die like men #im sorry guys #part two soon #fwb series #HIII guys leave feedback or any typos #ive missed writing #bitvh

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volturiprincess · 9 months ago

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Forgotten?

Alec Volturi x vampire mate reader

Summary: Alec has been distant from y/n, will his mate forgive him Warnings: Slight curse words, angst to fluff A/N: You know the satisfaction of finishing a one-shot is beautiful. Im also glad Alec is my second one, love this man of a vampire. Also whenever I write for the twins, they are aged up. Enjoy :)

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(This scene is perfect, that eye movement was everything, I could watch this GIF for hours if I could. But like sir who let you look that good?)

I was sitting in the library with Felix and Demetri just talking about our latest mission that the three of us had recently.

“You know the satisfaction I had when I sunk my teeth into that human, she was such a pain in the ass, and it made it better that her vampire mate was watching, but….. I got to say Felix the amount of times I have seen you rip heads off, it's always more satisfying than the last one”

Felix smirks “Thanks y/n, you know it never gets old either and you are right that human girl was annoying, glad she got what she deserve”

Demetri spoke up “I never understood how a human and a vampire can be mates, it's just how can that be you know, like I feel if they ever had intimacy or something that poor human would be dead in a minute”.

We burst out laughing at his comment, “Dem you never fail to make me laugh”

He shrug his shoulders “What can I say it's a talent”

I roll my eyes at his comment and Felix says “Where’s your mate and Jane, I thought you were going to spend the day with him anyway or something”

I said casually with a hint of sadness“I was suppose to be with him today, but he canceled last minute, he said he had to do something important”

Both guys looked at me and Demetri was the first to talk

“More important than you? y/n that's been like the 10th time he has canceled on you this past month, how in the world are you not pissed at him, when was the last time you two spent quality time together?”

I thought about it for a minute trying to remember but then I realized it's been a very long time, maybe a half a decade already. We haven't even had sex in that time either. I looked at the boys

“Um…maybe a couple of years?”

Their eyes widened at that “A couple of years?” they responded in unison.

I nod hesitantly “I didn't even realize it's been that long, son of a bitch, has he been avoiding me or something?”

Felix shook his head in disapproval “You know that's not fair for you y/n, have you even brought that up to him”

I shook my head “I mean I just….You know your right Felix, this cant be going on like this, maybe I should I give him a piece of my own medicine”

Demetri eyes widen like a child who was given a treat“Oooo I like the sound of that”

I smile slightly but then I sense Alec entering the library which causes me to internally panic. I ignored him sitting next to me and instead I went to the bookshelves and looked for a book to read. In the corner of my eye I see that Alec looks at me with a bit of a confused look but then an idea pops up. My power is being able to move things with my mind but I could also telepathically talk to others. I use my power and send a message to Felix to improvise with the upcoming plan I'm about to do.

“Felix? Can you help me get that book that's up there?”

I look at the mountain of a vampire who is instantly by my side. “Of course cara, which one do you want?”

I could see that Alec’s eyes have narrowed at the sudden interaction “That one called Philosophy of Athens”

Felix nods and reaches over me to grab the book and I just look up into his face when he is reaching up, he looks down to me with a devilish smirk and I just wink in return. I knew Alec will be fuming with anger but he deserves payback. Felix hands me the book and he slightly brushes his lips on my jawline which catches me off guard for a minute but I fake an innocent look at him while he just winks and walks back to his previous spot. I stand there for a minute and I see that Alec has disappeared. I look around the library and Demetri speaks up

“He left after Felix gave you the kiss, you should of seen his face, if looks could kill, Felix would of been six feet under”

I roll my eyes and ask “Should I go after him or…?”

Demetri shakes his head “Y/n you got a reaction out of him, you need to keep going so he is the one that comes up to you, he is the one that has been pushing you aside, now it's your turn”

I nod “Your right Dem, this is the start of a new era”. They both smiled mischievously.

1 week later..

It's been a week since the library incident and Alec still has not come up to me, I know the game I am playing is dangerous. I mean come on he's one of the infamous twins who are the most intimidating and ruthless and yet here I am ignoring and pushing him away. It has been so hard to be this way with him, I love him so much that just being like this is torture, I think I would rather have Jane use her power on me then have to be like this with Alec and that is saying something.

On Alec’s part he still is acting the same, he has not even dared to look me in the eye or even been in the same room as me for long. I also noticed that recently I have been aching for Alec more than usual, I literally want him to be with me again, at this point I would take anything from him even if he just looks at me.

I miss his piercing burgundy eyes that always leave me in a trance or how his jawline tightens when I would brush against him slightly. Even to how he stands so elegantly when we are at our guard meetings with the Kings. Or how his smirk can literally make me feel weak in the knees but I would never give him the satisfaction in telling him the effect his smirk gives me because I know he would tease me for years to come. I miss how we cuddle either in our shared chamber or under the willow tree I am currently laying down, it was our spot that we would spend hours at.

I was so lost in thought I didn't even notice someone was calling my name until someone slightly kicked my foot and I finally sat up and snapped my gaze to the person. It was Jane and she had that emotionless look as usual, she was the one to speak first

“Why are you here alone, I thought you were going to train the newborns with Felix and Demetri?”

I was going to do that today but the guys knew I was not feeling it and noticed I am not in a right mindset so they gave me the day off

“They gave me the day off”

She nods slightly “Still does not answer my question”

I look down defeated “He doesn't want me anymore, he won't even look at me anymore or even leave those little love notes in my favorite books”

There was a silence and I thought she left but she talked again “You think my brother does not want you anymore?”

I nodded and if I could cry I would at that moment “He doesn't even come into our private chambers as often”

There was that tense silence again “Have you spoken to him about this?”

I shook my head “How can I when I don't even know where he is half of the time and he wont even come to me anymore, he keeps canceling our date nights also”

At that point I wanted to shake Jane to get her to tell me anything about Alec, I was that desperate but I used my telekinesis to hold me down so I didn't actually jump her.

She spoke up again “I don't know what is up with my brother, he won't say but I can tell there is something wrong, I would assume you would have an idea because when we part ways i thought he would always go to you”

When she said that my gaze snapped up to her again in shock “So not even you know what is up with him then?”

She shook her head and I said “Jane, if I asked you to do something for me would you do it?”

“Of course, you are my sister-in-law after all, your the second person I genuinely like, first being my brother”

I nod “Can you use your power on me?”

I saw her eyes widen at that and she instantly shook her head “No I will never do that to you, why would you ask such a request from me?”

I let an unnecessary sigh out “I don't feel anything Jane, Alec has been distant for a couple of years already, I can feel that sudden small rip in our bond, it hurts Jane, it really does, and at this point I don't think I can even go on in life without him, even when I spend time with Felix and Demetri, I just fake it so they don't question me to much”

She got down on her knees and what she did next would shock others but not to me, she hugged me tightly. I just let her hug me while I just sat there dully, she soon pulled away and said “Y/n I can't bare to see you like this, I haven't even realized that you and Alec have been like this for so long, I don't want to see the two most important people in my life like this anymore”

I don't respond but nod along mindlessly

“Wait here, I will be back”

She left before I can look at her, I decided to lay down again and closed my eyes as I felt my eyes burn with venom, the thing that sucked of being a vampire is not being able to let real tears out, I just feel this burning sensation in my eyes but I haven't felt like this in centuries already. Alec has always made me feel loved and happy, the way that man with only just a touch has me melting for him or when he did those rare smiles I love so much. If I had a heart it would be beating out of my chest every time we are together.

When me and Alec were told we were mates by Marcus, we absolutely loathe each other, we could barely be in the same room without one of us getting annoyed by the other. It took us a good year until we started to tolerate each other. Soon after that year I started to feel the bond with him, I couldn't stand to be away from him for long and I knew he felt the same way because the minute we were apart he or I would go search for the other.

One day he decided to take me on a walk in the gardens, and as cliche as this might sound he kissed me under the moonlight. The moonlight was literally on us when we were kissing, at that moment me and him accepted each other completely as mates. We were inseparable, we started to share a room together and the Kings were more accepting of me and Alec going on missions together without the fear we might rip each other's throats out.

It felt like we were in wonderland or in cloud 9, when he moved I moved, or when I moved he followed along. We also had a very long honeymoon phase where we couldn't keep our hands to ourselves, every time when we were hanging with the other guards, me and Alec would sneak away and have our intimacy or when we were in the hallways he would give me kisses out of nowhere against the wall, we been caught various times but that didn't stop us from doing it again.

We have been mated for centuries, and not a day goes by that I don't fall in love with him all over again or feel tired of him. He really is my other half but with the lack of Alec in my life it has taken a toll on me, it almost feels like HE is sick and tired of me.

Just that thought could break my non-existent heart, I would end up like Marcus in a way. If Alec were to leave me it's way worse than him being dead. I would still have to see him and be in his presence but not be able to actually be with him.

My mind must have wondered again because I didn't realize a certain someone was sitting next to me. I opened my eyes when I realized it was Alec from the pull of the bond. From that I sat up and he looked right at me, watching me carefully and intensely. He still has that stone face that makes him look so gorgeous, he really is the reincarnation of some Greek god. We stayed quiet watching each other for a while when he finally spoke, hearing his voice again would have made me shiver if I could.

“So you and Felix, huh?”

Even though it feels amazing to hear him talking to me, that question threw me off and made me change moods in an instant.

“Seriously? After months and months of not having full conversations or paying attention to me, you have the audacity of asking a question like that?”

He stayed quiet and I could tell his mind was blank because I couldn't hear his thoughts.

“Why would I ever get with Felix when I have a mate that I love deeply? words cannot describe the love I have for you”

That for sure caught him off guard because he blinked a bit from shock and he spoke up

“Just wanted to hear you say that and get a reaction out of you” and then he winks.

That bastard winked and it was so smooth that I didn't even give what he said a second thought, he left me flabbergasted.

“You really are bipolar, you never fail to surprise me after centuries of being together”

He smiles slightly at my comment

“And you don’t fail to amuse me with your words”

“Don't think with your wink and smile will make me forgive you that easily”

“Forgive me? For what?”

The way he genuinely looked surprises at my accusation really did set my mood off

“Are you really asking me that? Have you not heard what I said earlier or noticed the lack of us?”

I saw his facial expression shift to tense “So I was ignoring you then?”

“Obviously, do you remember the last time we went on a date?”

He stayed silent and I knew he was trying to remember and at that moment I can also tell everything that what has been happening these past few years was hitting him.

“Too long ago…”

I nodded “And even then when we made plans you would cancel or say you forgot or are to busy”

He looked down in what I could assume was shame.

“Even if we didn't go on dates, you have been avoiding me like the plague, you don't even look at me as much or even hug me, you can't even bare to be in the same room as me for long, it's as if we are back to when we hated each other before accepting each other as mates all over again but worse”

His mind was still blank

“I have been miserable without you, I even asked Jane earlier to use her power on me because I don't even feel anything anymore”

He looked at me with shock “You really asked her to do that? But…”

“I did, but she refused of course”

He nodded “Cara mia, I been so stupid, I never meant to hurt you in anyway”

I looked at him “If you really never meant to hurt me what made you act like this toward me for so long?”

He took an unnecessary breath “I don't know, I felt like these past years I was feeling…..off, I felt like being away from everyone but I didn't even realize its been going on for a while until Jane came up to me and smack me and ordered me to come to you”

“You could of just came up to me and talked or let me into your mind if you can't form words, I have always been there for you Alec”

He looked at me with remorse and in a soft voice he confessed

“I didn't want to be a burden to you or bring you down with me”

I reached reach for his hand

"Alec you will never be a burden to me, we go together in our darkest or lightest days as we always did in the past, there's no I in us”

He squeezed my hand “I never wanted to make you feel unwanted, I just wanted to figure this out alone but I realize I can't without you”

I nodded, “How could you let so much time go by like that without trying to get help from me or saying anything?”

He shrug his shoulders “We been immortals for so long that time kind of blurs for us in a way but that still does not make up for what I done to you, you are my whole reason for being here, my center and life, mi amore ti amo, I will never to this to you again, and if I do then I give you permission to slap me or something because then I would of broken my promise to you”

“Oh Alec come here” I reached for him and he instantly wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his laps to deepen the hug.

Just being in his arms again was the best feeling. I fell in love with him all over again at that moment, he is my reason for being and I would not want it any other way.

A/N: This one was longer than the Felix one (it does not mean I love Felix less 😬) but Its cute. Anyways, Im debating to either do Jasper or Caius next. I have a Jasper one in the drafts but its not that good, I will see who's next.

#the volturi #twilight saga #alec volturi x you #alec volturi x y/n #alec volturi #alec volturi x reader #volturi #twilight fanfiction #twilight imagine #alec volturi imagine #twilight renaissance #volturi fanfiction #volturi x reader #volturi guard #volturi imagines

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delimeats-000 · 1 year ago

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Just the Editor

summary: chris teasing the podcast editor takes a little turn

warnings: language, make outs, dry humping

requested.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

im editing a podcast for THE sturniolo triplets. this is big, like huuge. these guys got me through senior year of hs, and now im their editor, like wtf.

on the set beyond the wall that divides us i can hear the guys laughing with one another.

they’ve been recording for about 2 and a half hours. they should be done soon and come check the final product of the last pod i edited.

soon enough they finish their current recording and come to the editors office.

“Hey y/n/n.” nick says.

“Hey nick.” i get out of my chair to hug him and greet the other boys. “Im pretty much done if you guys wanna take a peek on the last episode.”

“Oh i have a meeting with madi and laura that matts gonna drive me to.” nick hesitates. “If chris is up for it he can stay and watch.”

“Yeah i can come pick him up after the meeting.” matt chimes in.

“Ok sounds good.”

no it doesn’t, two of three triplets gone leaving me with the third that i just so happen to be absolutely smitten over.

matt interrupts my thoughts, “Alright cool. We’ll be back.”

“Be good Chris.” nick laughs before heading out the door and closing it behind him.

i turn to face chris. i hope to god he doesn’t see how nervous i am.

“Ok so you ready?”

“Uhh yeah, you got pepsi?”

“Yeah there should be some in the fridge downstairs.”

“You wanna lead me over there? Please?”

“Of course.” i stand up and quickly walk to the foor opening it for him.

“No no, ladies first.” he winks.

fuck.

“Thanks.” wtf, THANKS, dumbass.

he laughs tho, ok cool, play it cool.

we walk down the stairs and into the kitchen in silence.

“Do you want one or two?” i say bent over in the fridge reaching for his pepsi. he steps close behind me, resting his hand on my lower back.

“Lemme get two, just in case.”

“ok.” i feel weak, his hand feels so firm and strong.

compared to the cold room i was in his hand is hot and the temperature change makes me shiver.

“Are you ok?” he asks as i stand up.

“Yeah just cold.”

“Here take my sweatshirt.”

before i can decline the offer he’s already taking it off revealing a wife beater that lifts halfway up his torso as the sweatshirt comes off. my eyes go wide and i dont get the chance to fix my expression before he notices the blush on my face.

he laughs softly, “Here goof, put it on.”

i take the sweater and put it on.

“You look good.”

“Thank you.”

“No problem, lets go watch the pod.”

“Yeah.”

my face is most definitely flushed, im hot, genuinely burning up and the sweater is making this worse now, but it smells so good. i cant take it off, not yet.

“Ok here you go.” i pass him my laptop and headphones so he can watch the pod on the loveseat in the office.

“Yo, you’re not gonna watch with me?”

“Uh, i guess i can.”

he scoots over and hands me the other headphone. he presses play. i cant even focus on the video in front of me, all i can think about is the fine ass man right next to me. shoulder to shoulder i swear i can feel his heart beat. there’s no way in hell im playing this cool. i just know im shaking. please god dont let him notice.

but he does anyways.

he pauses the video, “Is everything ok.”

i dont want to look him in the eyes, im gonna give it up. “Mhm, yeah.”

“Look at me.” he says quiet and gentle. but i dont look.

he grabs my face turning me towards him.

“I said look at me.”

he’s serious this time, his tone still quiet but now firm.

“Sorry.” i mumble.

“Shh, don’t apologize.” a smile grows on his face. “Whats on your mind?”

i shrug, struggling to make eye contact.

“Tell me, baby.”

im sure he could see the shock on my face because his subtle smirk turned into a soft chuckle.

“you’re pretty, chris.”

“You think so?”

i nod my head quickly.

“You’re beautiful, y/n.” he leans closer. “Can i kiss you?”

i nod once more before his lips land on mine.

he starts slow speeding up the kiss getting more rough. his tongue now caressing mine. he slowly runs his hand down to my neck and lets the other rest on my hip.

his sloppy kisses lead down my neck and i feel him leaving his mark. i let out a moan from the sharp pain, as i reach to grab his hair.

he bites harder making me let out another moan before he lets go, breathing hard he says, “Keep moaning for me, baby.”

“Yes sir.” i say as he goes back to making out with me.

i straddle his waist taking control grinding on his dick feeling the bulge grow larger.

“Fuck. Ke-keep going.”

now kissing down his neck and grinding against his hard cock, ive got him moaning for me.

then.

there’s a knock.

“Heeeyy.”

its nick. he opens the door to me struggling to get off chris. chris is completely unfazed as im absolutely embarrassed.

“Chris.”, matt laughs. “You didn’t.”

Nicks jaw completely dropped he turns around and walks out of the room.

Matt daps up chris before leaving too.

Chris stands up walking towards me, “Call me ok?”

i nod and he kisses my cheek before heading out the door.

i fall back onto the loveseat in utter disbelief.

“He forgot his sweatshirt.”

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dialogue key: nick - matt - chris - y/n

hope you like it, love you 🫶

EDIT: Pt 2 Out Now

#sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #new writers on tumblr #reader insert #requests are open #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #fanfics #sturniolo smut #christopher sturniolo

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starshinesluvr · 2 months ago

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:¨ ·.· ¨:⠀ `· . ୨୧ various edward nashton hcs & thoughts !!

contains: a mention or two about his killings in the movie, religious trauma, & drug usage. word count: 1.4k

writers note: hi friends! guhfhkj i am being brave and posting some writing on main.... ( ;´ - `;) here are a few headcanons and general thoughts that've been Marinating in my mind for a while. i felt like this was getting quite long, so maybe i'll have another post with some more soon.. because i have many thoughts..enjoooy! ^_^

♡ obviously he is obsessive. and loves repetitive actions and routines. his main special interest would be the renewal fund and the wayne family. (obviously) he has a big sense of moral justice. ⋆⭒ one of his main repetitive actions would be counting. he does this a lot with his fingers, the books on his shelf, or even the letters on a neon sign outside. just quickly under his breath. ⋆⭒ he also would sway. he usually does this in his apartment, when hes scrolling nigma or something. it really calms him. i think he would be too self-conscious to do it in public though. the King of masking. but occasionally he cant help himself when he's really focused at a café or something.

♡ but some of his other interests include: retro games, ancient civilizations, and general puzzle games. and god this man is a consistent minesweeper frequenter. heavy on frequent. loves 2048, sudoku, does the daily crossword on newspapers.

♡ half of the apps on his phone has to be games. 'games on his phone?' yes.

♡ i think he also has a undying love for pokemon. unsure what his favorite type would be, i think he would cycle through different types every single time the interest pops back up in his head again.

♡ AND GUYS GENUINELY HERE ME OUT. i think he helped code the club penguin rewritten website . im So. so serious on this one.

♡ OH OH. OHHH!! one of his longest lasting special interests? languages. how this starts? i imagine young edward back at the orphanage, already finished reading every single book he could find... every single english book, that is. maybe he'd sneak into the library. he's sure those books have riddles that can only be solved if you understand its language first. ⋆⭒ he finds interest in the progression of languages especially. how they change over time, and the origin of words and their sounds. ⋆⭒ though i don't think he would be a polyglot. but he'd know a lot of random words here and there, and some slang words no one would expect him to know from many languages!

♡ but a language he especially would like is ASL. he'd have a heightened interest of any form of communication that doesn't involve words. like, the font wingdings y'know? any kind of 'code.' ⋆⭒ he'd especially love learning ASL on his own during his younger years, since he struggled with speaking more often back then. he doesn't talk to anyone much now a days anyways, unless its small talk. (okk i see you selective mutism representation! >_< )

♡ he is sadistic. not a headcanon, just fact. this can be seen in his killings in the movie. though he primarily killed to give a point to the city of gotham, and to become a symbol much bigger than himself, he never gives these people quick and simple deaths. he enjoys these killings. cutting off the mayor’s thumb while he was still alive, sticking rat poison in officer savage, and sticking his head in a rat cage, waiting for them to eat him alive shown for everyone to watch. these were thought out, and he enjoyed watching. he enjoyed putting on a show, and their deaths were his entertainment.

♡ though outside of being the riddler, edward has a lot of self hatred. this fronts as anger, standoffish and anti-social behaviors. he doesn't mean to be mean, its just deep rooted. a combined hatred of everyone who'd hurt him prior.

♡ even though he hates himself, he also thinks of himself as better than anyone else. he feels as if he is worthy, and he has the intellect to show it. he consistently searches for small, daily positions that keep him in power.

♡ has a love/hate relationship with his own intellect. he wishes he wasn't cursed with his knowledge, sometimes he just wishes he could be blind and stupid to the darkness of the city. but he prides himself in being smart, especially in being good with numbers. its something he knows he can actually do correctly. he loves the certainty of numbers, how they never change or lie.

♡ i think would mostly hate how smart he was when he was younger. he hated how it distanced himself from genuinely everyone, and at one point he wasn't sure if he just enjoyed being reclusive or if he simply just got used to it. ⋆⭒ he would hate how the other kids or his classmates would only talk to him when they needed answers for their work and how they would expect him to know everything. (he sadly did.)

♡ he loves consistency. but hates complacency. he knows things can change, things could be better. but he finds comfort in his routines, even if it makes his world grey.

♡ due to religion being constantly drilled into his brain throughout his childhood, he experiences severe trauma. when he does something that is not pleasing to the beliefs he was taught, he self deprecates. lots of talking down on himself. he still can remember a few memory verses and prayers, and sometimes obsessively recites them to himself. ⋆⭒ he knows some of his fears are honestly a little irrational, that maybe one day he'll just be struck down. he's trying not to let them take over his logic, but he struggles. he is constantly upset that he still has these childhood fears that bind him.

♡ speaking of his time during the orphanage: his dirty unkempt upbringing and the long lasting effects of it could be seen in his living space. the chaotic and 'dirty' environment is almost comforting to him. sticky notes with ramblings of riddles and math problems. besides, his brain works too fast to care where things were placed in his home.

♡ despite his messy apartment, he hates feeling dirty. this is also thanks to the orphanage. he’s well kempt. everything is messy, not dirty. the orphanage was sadly, both. he looks like a sopping wet rat, it doesn't mean he smells like one though.

♡ he also has a fear of smelling bad, despite knowing he thoroughly washes. ⋆⭒ i think he would smell like soap or just his laundry detergent. he wants to try different scents, he kind of likes the idea of having a 'signature scent,' but honestly some smells give him a headache if they're too concentrated. and he can't have that while doing his everyday activities. ⋆⭒ its the kind of scent where you can only really smell it on the person when you hug them, y'know? which is kind of fine to him, he'd rather smell like nothing than something bad.

♡ he absolutely despises drops. any kind of heavy drug really he stays away from. he knows just how easily it can unravel a person, after constantly watching kids as young as 12 years old become addicted to it. his intellect would go to waste if he ever decided to start using.

♡ BUT! definitely smokes weed, or just in general he smokes. he probably tried it for the first time in his early twenties, hated it and dropped it. but he CANNOT continue handling his anxieties raw. so he picks it up again in his thirties. only occasionally... kind of.

♡ he loves LOVES animals. i like to think he had a little hyperfixation on animals and the general care for them when he was younger, so despite never having a pet, he could definitely at least recommend what to feed your average household pet.

♡ not only that, but he finds interest their internal structures, and the similarities to the human body. (i honestly don't know where these hcs came from, but bare with me here.) ⋆⭒ he loves dogs, but he's found himself liking cats a bit more recently. especially strays, he finds their resilience to continue living despite their circumstances to be admirable. ⋆⭒ he'd love to adopt. but he can hardly keep track of his own health, not to mention the state of his apartment. and don't even get him started on the extra expenses. ⋆⭒ though, i think he'd be pretty scared of interacting with any stray, maybe just animals in general he'd be pretty hesitant of being around. he doesn't like the uncertainty. and hates remembering his bad experiences with animals when he was younger. ⋆⭒ i think he'd bring himself to a cat café for one of his birthdays after weighing the pros and cons, after a day that was especially rough on him or something. he usually doesn't care for the date, but he honestly just likes using it as an excuse to go out somewhere whenever he feels like it. (he probably cried either from the animals' cuteness or the fact that he was there alone, maybe a bit of both. poor employees probably didn't know what to do.) ⋆⭒ i also think it would be funny if he was allergic, but obsessed. constantly sneezing but he can't help but want to cuddle up with them. but he doesn't have to be.

#riddler #the riddler #paul dano #riddler 2022 #dano!riddler #dano riddler #edward nashton #danonation #the batman #batman 2022 #headcanons #riddler headcanons #edward nashton headcanons

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crushedsweets · 1 year ago

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i'm so obsessed w your blog you really unlocked all the nostalgia that's always waiting under the surface frfr i hope you send me spiraling all the way down again i miss it here so bad. anyway can i ask. what u got on... jane my beloved... sowwy if there's already like. posts abt it i'll go thru your whole blog someday and learn everything like my uni books xx

ok some quick warm up doodles this morning to go with the chat i got... tw for torture, stalking, really sad stuff.

link to my au that has a page with her in it

ok to start off with, jane/liu aren't TOO present in my story because jane and liu live really normal lives. most of their personal story is about recovery and growth, they were victims not aggressors. they're more involved in ninas story, rather than the overarching slender/operator paranormal problems...

jane grew up in an upper middle class household with incredibly loving parents. she was majoring in criminal psychology and lived with her parents, since they were close to the uni. it was during her second year in university that jeff began stalking her. he'd leave dead animals on her doorstep, light fires in her garbage cans, shatter windows without even entering the house, key her car, leave cryptic writings on her car that say stuff like '1f' (1female) to further scare her.

it wasn't that there was anything special about jane, but she had a super easy, very strict schedule to follow. her uni classes were all in the same building at the time, her car had a few cute stickers and decorations on/in her car that made it easy to spot, she only worked sat-mon at a cafe near her university. she was a happy person. easy victim he thought

eventually, while jane was out, he broke into her home and assaulted her parents. whether he used drugs or just stabbed them in the right place to make them immobile idk, but he got them tied up in the kitchen at some point. he was torturing them, doing the typical carved out smile bullshit, and he planned on leaving them for jane to find that night -- but, for the first time, her schedule was different. she came home from work while he was drenching the house in gasoline.

he panicked upon hearing her absolutely gutwrenching scream and quickly lit the trail of gasoline while she was trying to untie her dad (her mom was long gone by this point, her dad was barely managing a few wheezed breathes). he went to go finish jane off. he slashed her face, from her right temple, down her cheek, splitting her mouth in half and getting down to her left jaw. but the fire was spreading way faster than he anticipated, and he already heard sirens, so he bolted.

jane suffered 3rd degree burns covering her entire right leg and arm, it reached up her neck and her face, alongside some other parts of her body. she was pulled out of the fire, rushed to the hospital, and barely managed to survive.

jane had some outside family to support her, but her biggest supporter was her friend from middleschool mary vaugn. she moved into mary's house, took a semester off of school for recovery. the second she felt physically able to, she tried to drive herself right back into school, regardless of her mental condition.

she changed her major to criminal justice. she eventually graduated, fell in love with mary, got married, became a private investigator, etc. she spent a while working on jeff's case, losing sleep and hair over it- she was getting into some sketchy things to try and figure it out, because by this point jeff and ben were friends, and slenderman needs ben's help, so jeff's now protected by slenderman

but jane is one stubborn fucking woman and kept going. instead of sending the proxies to subdue jane, he sent sally.

sally was another poltergeist that kept haunting homes with newborn babies. she was attracting some attention, but slenderman cant physically stop a ghost - so he spent some time talking to sally, connecting with this little ghost girl and convincing her 'you're doing such a great job protecting all these infants, but this one needs you now'

he sent sally off to live with jane. mary's sister was staying with jane/mary after having a baby, so sally agreed to protect the baby. jane quickly welcomed sallys presense, always having believed good things of protective spirits. her mom used to tell her stories of how her grandmother's ghost would always come and soothe jane in her infancy (whether its true or not doesnt matter to jane) .

sally eventually became more than a presence to jane, almost completely integrating herself into her household's daily life. even after mary's sister and her baby left, sally stayed with jane. she felt safe there. (it helped that there were no men in the house too)

jane cares for sally like a daughter for a long time, and begins to redirect her life towards sally, rather than hatred for jeff. she never fully recovers from that night, and she never ever ever ever fucking 'forgives' jeff in any way, but she puts it aside for a while.

but sally is still a spirit, and does her fair share of wandering. she's always landing herself in the cornfields, the forest, etc, and jane goes frantic looking for her -- which is where she eventually bumps into the proxies. it's a huge mess, but she finds out what the fuck slenderman is and whats happening in that forest, but she just . . cant do anything about it. for sallys sake

eventually they get to the point where jane commonly finds herself walking in the forest with sally, or the proxies have to call jane and tell her to 'get her ghost kid' from the forest, etc.

at some point in this she also connects with liu. i don't know who reaches out first, whether it be liu desperately wanting to apologize for everything, or jane trying to figure out anything about jeff she can use to find him. this is how she finds out about nina.

jane smacked the shit out of nina when she first met her, in front of the proxies, who had to pull them apart. (i love nina but she deserved it after idolizing jeff). but nina is really fucking weird and began to idolize jane as well, and sally liked nina, which made it even more complicated, and that's why jane is the first person nina calls after jeff stabbed her ...

by this point janes hoping nina can heal, hoping liu can heal, hoping she herself can heal. ITS VERY HARD. its so unbelievably painful. that's basically where her story is at right now...

on a more positive note, she has a beautiful relationship with mary, and was hugely accepted in mary's family. she does poetry, creative writing, and is passionate about her career. she takes some extra creative writing/art courses at the local community college, just out of pure interest. she does her best to live a peaceful life

a bit off topic, but here's a little thing i copy and pasted from an old hc post too:

i cannot explain how close jane and her parents were. she was an only child in a upper middle class house to a lawyer and a real estate agent so she was always spoiled rotten, taken care of, always told how beautiful and smart she was. hence why losing them is the most fucking detrimental shit to ever happen to her. she literally worhsips her parents. she’s wore mothers wedding dress to her own wedding. her uncle(dads brother) walked her down the aisle holding a framed photo of her dad. she almost refused to walk during her university graduation because her parents couldn’t be there, despite the years worth of hardwork and dedication she put into it.

#asks #hcs #creeped #jane the killer #jane everlasting #jane arkensaw #jane richardson #sweetart #omfg also thank you #your ask was so sweet #thank u so much tysm tysm tysm THANK YOU

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lolasimms · 2 years ago

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how do you think abbu would react to being invited to lilas tea party?

Tea parties and mockery

Summary: Abby has a tea party with Lila and Levi, and it ends with her getting taunted by her 4 year old daughter. Reader is away on a work trip.

“Momma, are you going to make us some tea?" Lila comes in the room wearing one of your coats. She says it makes her look classy. The black fabric is hanging to the floor like a dress, but the 4 year old doesn't seem to care.

You were away on a work trip, meaning Abby was at home with the babies for the weekend. She’d left the kids with her dad in the morning and then dropped you off at the airport. After lots of hugs and kisses she’d left you at the front and then made her way back to her dads to get the kids. Levi was taking your absence well but Lila on the other hand was fuming, since you’d promised her a tea party earlier in the week. So here she was, getting the tea party in order for her grumpy daughter and agreeable son.

"Yes, give me a minute, honey." She makes her way into the bathroom, where a newly potty trained Levi is done. He stands up and claps, once he spots his mother. "Good job honey, now let's wash that stinky behind." She calls out, pulling the toddler off the potty.

"Eww, put on your pants Levi," Lila says as she watches her half-naked brother get cleaned up.

Abby finishes cleaning Levi and then proceeds to carry both kids down the stairs to get a start on the tea. It was an expensive lilac tea that Lila had insisted Abby buy for her since it was the plant she was named after. If she was being honest, Abby thought the tea tasted like the smell of air freshener, but she’d do anything Lila wanted. Even if it meant spending $30 at an organic tea shop.

Lila plays with Levi in the living room while Abby prepares the tea. She was told by the vendor at the store that lilac was good for relaxing and digestion. She only hoped that was true, so she could calm the two gremlins down, enough to get them to sleep at-least. She throws the overpriced tea bag into the pot and then pours in the boiled water, she doesn’t add any sugar though. She always tells Lila that real adults don't put sweeteners or sugar in their tea. It's a lie, but she’s not willing to deal with the aftermath of a 4 and 1 year old on a sugar rush.

"Alright kiddos, tea is ready."

"Yaa! Levi the tea is ready.” Lila shouts, attempting to lift up her brother but fails miserably, immediately she sets him back down. Levi loves every minute of it, just looking up in excitement at his big sister. "Okay, momma, you have to carry us." Abby looks at the hot teapot she’s holding and then back to her two kids.

"I can only carry Levi, cause I'm holding your teapot." She explains to Lila.

"Hmmpph." She pouts and crosses her arms across her chest. Abby knows she doesn't stand a chance. She either does what Lila wants, or she'll have a full-blown tantrum.

"Fine, hop on, mommas back." She squats down so Lila can hop on, and she does so happily.

Abby then scoops up Levi with the arm that is not holding the teapot. And by some miracle she manages to get them both upstairs with no falls or third degree burns. If you had been home to witness this, Abby Anderson would have been a dead woman.

Lila serves Abby and Levi the tea. As they’re all sat around a fancy tea table and matching chairs that her grandpa Jerry had gotten her for her birthday. Abby’s bulky figure cant fit in the chair, or else she’d break it. So instead she opts to sit on the floor. Lila’s teapots are white with purple embellishments coated on them, alone with matching cups.

"Momma, don't forget to hold out your pinky."

"Oh yes, baby, I apologise." She points her pinky outward as she takes a sip from the cup.

Levi is quiet as he patiently waits for Lila’s instructions, to tell him what to do. He is so enamored by her, and Abby loves the close knit bond the two of them already have.

"Okay, so momma how was your day?"

"It was nice."

"What did you do?"

"I dropped mommy off to the airport and then spent the day with you two.”

“Is mommy your girlfriend?”

“She’s my wife, and how do you know what that is?”

“Do you and mommy kiss?” Abby’s eyes go wide and she immediately turns red.

Lila starts to jump around the room, hysterically laughing and Levi runs after her laughing as well, copying his sister's actions.

"Momma, kisses mommy" Lila begins to chant, over and over again. Trying to get under Abby’s skin.

“Alright we’re never having another tea party again.” Abby playfully yells over the chanting.

"Momma kisses mommy!!” Lila continues running around her room and screaming. Levi doing the same, and Abby is just perched on the floor, smiling in amazement that she’d be stuck with these two gremlins for the rest of her life. She loved it.

—

abby

can you please come home now???

y/n

what’s wrong love, the babies okay?

abby

your daughter made fun of me because I kiss you

y/n

you poor thing, is our 4 year old giving you a hard time?

abby

yeah :/

y/n

want me to ground her when I get back?

abby

would you actually?

y/n

if she’s bullying my wife then I’ve gotta teach her a lesson :)

#abby anderson x you #abby anderson x reader #abby anderson fluff #abby anderson x female reader #wife abby anderson

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zialltops · 11 months ago

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honeysuckle’s & huckleberry’s

After four years away at collage, you’re finally home with the tools and knowledge to save your family ranch. That is, if their ranch hand would stay out of your way.

Or: Ranch hand Joel doesn’t know how to handle the return of his bosses prodigy daughter, her snarky little attitude, or her sinfully tight jeans.

a/n: howdy ya’ll! This chapter took me a HOT minute to finish because i’ve been severely sick (if you’ve been on this ride with me since esos you know i struggle with my health) but it’s finally here! I cant thank everyone enough for reading and as much as I wish i could hear from you guys more often, i’m just going to keep writing along and hope someone likes it! The smallest interactions bring me so much joy.

Masterlink

ao3 link | spotify playlist

Chapter 5: On My Way To You

He’s never been more humiliated in his entire fucking life. Never—not ever, has he ever felt this embarrassed about someone seeing him naked. He’s been shot down mid alleyway make-out when she’d pressed too close and felt it. He’s been left in a hotel room when he had a woman naked under him and he finally pulled his pants down. Hell—he’s been told it hurts, asked to stop—asked to leave. But never has it made his heart pound and his cheeks stain red, never made him wheeze from anxiety and dread.

He didn’t mean for it to happen—he’s been doing his best to avoid you, give you the space you want, but you’ve been nicer lately and it makes him want to get closer, test those waters and get to know you, but the second he lets himself start to give in, his body goes full force and he has to get away. Today was a hard day for him because he’d been up late the night before trying to rewire a break in the fence that let out three heifers and the little calf you’d saved on Christmas.

He’d crashed hard last night and woke up too late to work himself over before starting his day—it usually helps him keep his cool, but today he spent two hours hours in the saddle of one of Hank’s horses, moving the heifers getting ready to calf to a smaller pasture, the older steer that were about to be sold off from last years calves to a quarantine pen. It was mindless and easy and Joel spent the whole time thinking about you and your pretty eyes and the way you still wear that necklace every day, like you haven’t even thought to take it off.

By the time he stops by the house for something to drink, he’s already spent half his morning picturing you in every position possible—real like he’s never had it before. He’s smack dab in the middle of one of his favorite fantasies, one where you’re going down on him, fully aware of what’s under his belt buckle and wranglers. You’d be so sweet to him, make him feel desirable without feeling like a chore. You’d kiss the length of him over his denim, drag his pants down his thighs and you wouldn’t gasp in shock. You’d want him—your mouth would water for him and you’d give him those pouty lips and bright eyes when you finally run your tongue from base to tip—it would be perfect—

“Morning Joel.”

He’s so caught up in his vision of you in his head he’s completely unprepared for this version, with berries smeared on the corner of your mouth, like the jam is just too sweet for you to leave untasted—you’re swimming in a sweater too big for you and christ he hates when you wear legging, hugging every curve of your body, filling in the shape of your body like a shadow. He does his best to form a sentence, keep himself from staring at the necklace chain he can see poking out of your collar. you’re wearing it, you’re wearing it, you’re wearing it.

When you lick the spoon clean, his stomach hits the floor and his head spin’s suddenly from loss of blood as everything warm and tingly in his body travels south. He knows he has to get out of there, doesn’t have time to stand here for another second if he wants to keep what's going on in his pants to himself.

He’ll kick himself later for not giving you an excuse to run off, but he doesn’t have a choice in the matter right now. He practically runs for the barn, the small bathroom inside is a well learned friend, where he can rub one out fast and get it out of his hungry system. His body is famished, starved for your skin and he isn’t sure how much more of this he can take.

He gets his pants down as fast as he can, spits in his hand and starts quick. God, the way you’d looked at him when he walked in there, like you were happy to see him for once, glad to share his company—if only he wasn’t such a complete piece of shit who can't take a kind gesture for just that.

He sees your smile and he wants to dig his hands into the meat of your ass and hoist you up. Wants to hold you down and take you apart with his mouth. Your eyes meet his and he wants to watch them roll back when you take all of him, like no one ever has, ever will but he can let himself imagine it in this tiny bathroom that smells like livestock and dirt. He can imagine the way you’d want it, want him. The way you’d tell him how good he felt, how good he made you feel despite what he’s always been told about himself.

Just a few more—a couple more tugs and he’s almost there, so fucking close to the thought of your body and his, and…and…

The next thing he knows your eyes are on him, then tick down to his hand wrapped around himself like the pathetic man he knows he is. He’ll never forget the way you looked at him, the way you told him how traumatized you were to see him like that, he’s sure it would have hurt less if you’d stabbed him in the heart with a dull knife.

He fucking runs back to the cabin and get’s himself under a cold shower, trying to keep his hair from getting wet so you don’t know while his body takes a shock to its system, flushing out the desire and replacing it for his shame. When he’s red and shaking from the cold, he re-dresses and heads back towards the house. The longer he hides, the more likely you are to piece together the odd string of occurrences surrounding his disappearances. The longer he waits, the more guilty he looks, so he forces himself up the stairs, trying his best to catch his breath outside of the door until he finally has the gull to knock. He knows you’re in there, he can faintly hear something, soft little sounds that he can't quite make out, so he calls your name when the small rasps don’t catch your attention.

He nearly leaves when the door finally comes open, and…fuck if you aren’t a sight for his painfully sore eyes. You’re red all over, stunning, breathing hard with wide eyes like you’ve been caught at something. Maybe you have, he can imagine, maybe you were touching yourself—thinking about him. It's a futile dream, but he lets himself have it anyways.

No matter how much he runs, how much he tries his hardest to stay away, everything you do ropes him in and hog ties him up, unable and unwilling to be moved until you’ve decided what to do with him now that everything he is, is yours.

It’s shame that keeps him from embarrassing himself again once he drives into town, because the way you press against him in the truck makes his skin boil. He doesn’t deserve to have you beside him after what you’d been forced to witness, but that doesn’t stop him. He wants to slip his hand along your thigh, wishes Tommy wasn’t sitting beside you and he could stuff his hand down the front of your leggings and show you a thing or two—he knows he’s good with his hands—his mouth, he has to be if he wants to get a woman off. He wants to show you exactly what he could do for you, to you, but he keeps his mouth closed and taps his fingers against the steering wheel the whole way. It’s infuriating, how much you get along with Tommy now, who’s been nothing but crude to you, making passes at you left and right and god help him, you let him. He wants you to talk to him like that too, he wants to make you laugh, make you giggle and blush prettily.

But he just loads the truck. Watches when you and Tommy snicker over a bottle of whiskey he knows he can't touch because last time he made a fool of himself. He tries not to intrude on your space, tries not to bother you and Tommy around the fire later after he’s done unloading the truck alone. Not even Tommy helps him around here anymore, too far up your ass that he’s damn near useless.

He watches from the window like a fucking creep, trying not to work himself up over the way you smile at his brother, the way you throw your head back laughing at something stupid he probably said. He wants that to be him, sitting beside you with whiskey making him bold, faking it for him since he doesn’t have the ability to just talk to you. He’s sure he’d tell you everything, how beautiful he thinks you are, how much smarter than him you are. He’d probably tell you how many times he’s thought about you with his hands wrapped around himself, in the dark of his room with your name on his lips.

He doesn’t do any of that, instead he watches you from the window and lets his heart ache and pound until he sees the way Tommy lingers closer, touches your leg absently and you let him. He has to put a stop to this, so he tracks out into the cold and tries to put his foot down. Maybe Tommy will go to bed, you’ll let him walk you home and it will be so cold that you’ll ask him to stay again. But before he has a second to beg you otherwise, you’re kissing his brother.

You’re kissing his brother instead of him and he can't watch for another second, so he hightails it inside and slams his bedroom door behind himself. He can usually hear right through Tommy’s wall, but he holds his hands over his ears and tries his hardest to keep the sound of his ragged breaths from making it through the walls. At some point, he falls asleep, wishing you were laying right beside him, sprawled out, satisfied and spent with the shape of his teeth on your shoulder.

When he wakes in the morning, it’s not even close to sun up yet. He has a long day ahead of him, has to ride up to the north pasture, acres upon acres of beautiful pine covered land, but Joel has to ensure that the streams aren’t frozen over if he wants to move the heifers and their calves there soon. He gets dressed with a ache in his bones that he knows didn’t come from his age, his stomach is in knots because he knows what's been done, he knows he can’t change it—that he might not ever stand a chance with you now that you’ve been with him. Women always preferred Tommy over him, all the same cowboy charm with a bit more confidence.

He slips on his boots and places his hat on his head before lingering in the hallway for a long moment. He stares at Tommys door and imagines you sleeping on the other side of it. Did you like it? Do you like him?

He turns and starts down the hallways when the door comes open with a slow creak. He turns back around in the dark light of the hallway and, there you are wearing one of Tommy’s shirts and nothing else, your hair is mused and you have this look on your face, one that reeds shame and worry and for what Joel just can't quite put his finger on. You don’t say anything for a long time, just Joel and you and the fading darkness outside, your eyes tracking over him with a shiny hue to them.

“Where are you going?” Where is he going is the first thing you have to say to him? Like he climbed out of your bed and snuck off. “I uhm…I have a long ride up to the north field, thought I would get a early start on it.” He clears his throat and glances down at his boots, then back up at you. “Though I should give ya’ll some space, no one wants their brother listenin’ in.”

He starts to turn away again because he can’t look at you for another second when he knows you have his saliva on your skin and the shapes of his hands on your body.

“Can I come with you?” Go with him? You want to go with him when there’s a warm body waiting for you in a warm bed, where you can hide from the cold world, the impending darkness and a man like him. “You want to go? Why?” You close the bedroom door behind you like you don't want to wake Tommy and it makes Joel’s heart pound out of his chest for reasons it shouldn’t. “I don't know, it’s cold out there, you’re uhm…you’re naked.”

He tries, really tries to keep his eyes off your bare thighs, the shirt hanging off your frame and your sock-less feet on the hardwood. “I’m not naked, I have underwear on,” you lift one side of the shirt like you have to prove it to him and his eyes track to the black lace hugging your hips. Saliva builds in his mouth and he clears his throat, needing to turn away from you again. “If you want to come you should probably put some clothes on, I’ll meet you in the stable.” He starts to gather up his things, a light and his phone, trying to make himself busy so he can get away. “Well, will you wait for me—I don’t want to walk alone.” And Joel doesn’t want to do this right now, walk with you for a half mile back to the stables, sit beside you, wondering if it aches sitting in the saddle because his brother fucked you.

But he waits anyway, fiddles with the brim of his hat while he sits on the couch in silence as he waits for you to get dressed. You come out in your clothes from the night before, bundled up in a big jacket with your hair tied back. He tells himself not to think about it and heads towards the door. The walk to the stables is nearly silent, but the pounding in his ears drowns out the awkwardness in the interaction. How can he stop thinking about it? How you slept with him but dragged yourself out of bed to follow Joel into the cold? How you would trade a warm body for Joel’s cold shoulder?

“Need help with your saddle?” His voice feels raw from not using it, his hands aching from the cold while he cinches up the girth strap. This time next year, hell be saddling up Cersi to take this trip, he cant wait, but for now he’ll ride Hanks sturdy horse through the mud and snow. “I’ve got it, thank you.” There's no snap in your tone like he expects there to be and you work with him in unison, getting your mounts ready while the sun starts to climb into the atmosphere. By the time he gets out of the barn, you’re smiling at him. Smiling from your spot in the saddle with the reigns in your hands like you’re made for that.

“You ready to get a move on, cowboy?” His chest tightens at the way you gaze at him, wondering if you’d given Tommy that same look the night before. He wants to pretend it was all for him, pretend that you’re looking at him like that because you see something you haven’t before.

“You ready, cowgirl? When's the last time you were in a saddle?” He tries his damndest to keep his tone light as he hooks a foot in the stirrup and hoists himself up. “Been a couple years, but I don’t think I’ll ever forget how to ride.”

Did you practice last night? He shakes his head and wills away the image. He doesn’t think he'll be able to stop thinking about it for the rest of the ride, he can’t get the image of your mouth on his out of his head no matter how much he tries. It’s always fucking Tommy. He’s always been the favored brother, no matter how much of a fuck up he is. He’s always been the one to get the girl, the popular one in school, hell even his wife—

“You okay in there cowboy?”

Your voice comes like a shock to his system, snapping him out of another unpleasant memory. “Huh?” He looks around until he lays eyes on you, riding beside him with your hands resting on the horn of the saddle. “I was asking if you’re okay…you’ve been really quiet for the past half hour.” Half an hour? It's been a half hour since he started this ride? “Yeah, no, sorry. I have a lot on my mind, is all.” You pick up the pace beside him a little, till your horses are walking alongside each-other on the path. “Anything you want to talk about?”

He sits on the words for a second. He doesn’t want to talk about it, not particularly—but its you and your asking him and fuck, he wants you to get to know him. Maybe if you knew who he was, maybe if he had a chance to explain why he’s like this you might change your mind.

“I was thinkin’ ‘bout my ex-wife.” He keeps his eyes ahead of him, because he doesn’t want to see the look on your face when you hear that, that he had a whole other life away from this place. “My mom told me you had an ex-wife. She didn’t tell me what happened.”

You knew? He’d told Hank and Louise a lot about his life, he had to if he wanted them to trust him. He wasn’t a bad man, just a burdened one. “We uh…we had a rocky marriage. Got together young, right out of high school. I was learning to work a cattle ranch and I thought I would be able to give her a good life but—she wanted more, I suppose. Started steppin’ out on me. She got pregnant by another man, but I still didn’t leave. Helped raise that little girl like she was my own.”

He thinks about Sarah and her curly hair that definitely didn’t come from him or her mom, her sweet smile, her first day of school—all the things he missed.

“What made you finally leave?” Your voice is so quiet beside him. He looks over at you under the brim of his hat and sighs. “She slept with Tommy. Came home from picking up Sarah from school and I…caught ‘em together in bed. Tommy said he did it because he wanted to prove to me that she wasn’t any good for me but, I don’t know, I’ve never been very good and stayin’ angry at him.”

Your eyes look far away in that moment, like you’re clouded in some kind of guilt, maybe because you’d slept with Tommy, too. “I’m sorry that happened to you, Joel.” He clicks his tongue and shakes his head absently. “Ain’t no thing. I’m used to it by now, he’s always had a way with ‘em that I never had.”

He has, Joel can't even recall every encounter he’s had with a woman that ended with them leaving with his brother. Hell, it had been five years since the last time he’d (kind of) had sex, no thanks to his cockblocker of a brother. The first time in years since he’s felt more than just attraction to a woman and Tommy takes that from him too.

“We should get a move on, we don’t have all day and I have a lot to do when I get back.”

He digs his heal in and the horse picks up speed and to his surprise, you keep gate with him along the trail.

When he gets to the gate of the north pasture, his ass hurts from being in the saddle and his face feels wind chapped, but you don’t complain about a lick of it, like you wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the world right now. “Joel?” He’s closing the gate behind you when you call his name. It makes him look up from the latch. “Yeah?” He gets it in place and mounts his horse again, adjusting his hat on his head. “I’m really sorry, about how I treated you when I first came home.”

Fuck do you have to do this right now? Out here, where he has nowhere to run off to? “You're not the one who needs to be sorry. I never should have done half the things I did to you. I didn’t even know you and I assumed the worst of you. Should’ve never done any of that to you.” He never should have left you in the cold, never should have treated you any differently than anyone else because he thought you came from somewhere that didn’t like folks like him when he really likes girls like you. So smart and put together, so capable and confident.

“We got off on a bad foot, I suppose…do you think maybe we could…start over?”

You want to start over? With him? give him a second shot to not fuck this up again? Or maybe you don’t mean it like that, like he desperately wants it to mean, even if you fucked his brother last night, he doesn’t care, he’d take his sloppy seconds any day because it’s you.

“I’d really like that.” There's a sweet kind of shimmer in your eyes when you smile at him, rosey cheeks and a crinkle by your kind eyes. His sight ticks down to your chest, where he can see the necklace he’d given you sticking out of the top. You’re still wearing it, had you worn it last night? When he laid you down on his cold sheets while Joel wished desperately it was his?

Despite the pang in his chest, the rest of the ride is easy and light, you talk about nothing and absolutely everything, your favorite color, your favorite time of the year, Joel tells you how much he loves the spring and you excitedly agree, going on and on about watching the world come back to life.

You tell him about college, how out of place you felt surrounded by people who were so different from you. How nervous you were for the first year, but you’d made a best friend out of your room mate Mel, and you finally got the hang of it in your second year.

He tells you about drifting from place to place because Tommy usually stirs up some trouble and runs them out of town. He tells you about all the times he’s had to save his ass to your parents and how much he’s tried to hang on to the one good place he’s had in so long. He could talk to you for hours, all day if you’d let him, and you do. You hold his conversations like you’re a pair of old friends, catching up after years spent apart.

He’s so lost in you that he doesn’t even realize you’re back home until the house comes into view. He’s spent so much time immersing himself in talking to you that he’s completely lost track of where he is, letting the miles blow past him. It’s mid day and he still has a lot to do and he can tell you’re starting to get sore in the saddle. “I’ll get them cooled down, you should probably get some rest. You couldn’t of gotten much sleep last night.” He swings his leg over and climbs off the horse before taking yours by the halter so you can do the same. “Thank you for today…it’s been a while since I’ve had a good reason to ride.” You give him one of those smiles again and it takes everything in him not to lean in and kiss you because of it. He’s wanted to kiss you all damn day, slide his fingers into the hair at the base of your skull and hold on tight, slot his lips over yours and breathe you in deep until he can’t let you go again.

He doesn’t and you head off towards the house while he looks on. He watches till you make it inside and then some before getting back to his chores.

Work consumes the entirety of his day, until the sun sets and it starts to get dark and chilly when he’s finally got the animals fed and the equipment locked up. He knows Tommy is back at the cabin because he dropped off a plate of dinner to Joel in the stable on his way home. He’s about to start the walk back to the cabin himself when he hears the creak of the screen door on the house just across the yard. He closes the barn door behind himself and follows the sounds. You’re standing on the porch in a pair of sleep shorts and slippers, a tee-shirt that's too big and a nervous look on your face. You don't say anything, but Joel’s feet carry him to the steps, then up them one at a time, carefully and painfully slow, like he might spook you away if he moves too quickly. The wind is absolutely howling right now, whipping your hair around and cinching your shirt tight against your frame.

He hits the landing and takes a few more steps forward, until he’s a foot away from your shaking form, your big pretty eyes that are searching every corner of his. He should say something, he should say how much he enjoyed today, how much he wants to do it again and again and again.

“I didn’t have sex with him.”

It’s not what he expected you to say standing out here in this unforgiving cold, but its the best damn thing he’s heard you say all day. It feels like an endless weight coming off his shoulders and he lets out a loud gush of air he didn’t know he was holding. “What?” You puff your chest out a little, like you’re trying to get a point across to him. “I didn't have sex with Tommy last night.” You say it so matter of factly.

“Why didn’t you?” He reaches up and pushes his hat up a little, wiping sweat from his brow with the back of his hand. His heart is pounding, his limbs shaking at the admission. “You know why.”

All at once, his pounding heart comes to a staggering stop, standing there on the porch looking down at you while he tries to keep himself upright. He doesn’t know why but the way you're looking at him now tells him there's something else here besides anger and hatred and shared distaste. You didn’t sleep with Tommy, because on the other side of that wall you were wanting him just as desperately as he wanted you.

“It’s cold out here…do you want to sleep on the couch tonight?”

Joel’s bottom lip quivers so much he has to suck it into his mouth to make it stop, bite down on it to put it at ease. “Yeah, I…I’d like that.”

A warm little hand finds his, tentative fingers intertwined with his while you lead him inside of the house. You don’t take him upstairs, Joel doesn’t expect you to. You lead him to the couch and he sits down, kicking off his boots when you reach up for his hat. You set it on the arm rest beside him and grab a blanket off the back of the couch when he lays himself back on the pillow.

His body aches, his eyes feel heavy, but he doesn’t dare close them when he’s got an angel standing right before his eyes. “Goodnight, Cowboy.” You hum sweetly, lean down and press your lips against the apple of his cheek, more delicate than he’s ever been touched before in his entire fucking life.

When you pull away, those same cheeks are painted pink and he does his best not to grin too stupidly. “Goodnight, Cowgirl.”

You take the stairs up to your room but Joel rides the elevator to heaven from his spot on the living room couch.

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