#i cant find it againn

[joznii]

lydia after LDB hands her the 94th book and 57th random ceramic bowl he found in this weeks disgusting crypt (he cant remember if hes got that one in the collection yet)

theyre besties !

[emarezi-backup]

the thing is that i want people to care for me but i struggle to make the bonds that make that thing happen in the first place . that and also the other people at therapy just dgaf. i dont know how to make a difference between putting myself on a pedestal (thinking that i deserve priority bc i do not) and just staying put and hoping to get addressed since its a guided group . the second one also implies trying to relate to very different problems of people that i know there but do not know outside. that probably goes both ways for the others too and it's a question of temperament who gets to do the talking and driving the conversation

had my therapy group today and didnt even get a chance to speak thats great man .somwtimes i want to be the one who gets the advice too

[ppawmpkin]

Sub & Brat Riri Williams Headcannons

Riri Williams x Black Fem Reader

Warning: Smut!!

A/N: Heller, Heller, Heller!! I’m finally back writing again!! I’m so happy to be writing on here againn. This is something small and smutty for my wifey Riri. Hope whomever reads this enjoys it as much as I did while writing it cause chileee, im not gon say too much 😭

sub!riri! who calls your phone in the darkest hours of night, letting the phone sit right beside her on that plush bedding while soft, raspy moans escape her mouth as she ravages herself with the thought of you on her brain. making sure you never miss a moment, she cries your name as if it were your fingers, deep in her plush velvet walls, bringing her to the peak of her bliss.

sub!riri! who stares at you with such intention when you give her your permission to finally touch you. she basks in your beauty, all of it. from every look to every movement, she never fails to observe every single detail about you. it’s those pretty sounds in that pretty voice that ignite a fire in her, how you make her feel like the only woman in the world when her head is shoved between those plush thighs.

sub!riri! who loves when you punish her, looking at those tattoos littered across your stomach, including the one of her name right under the swell of your breast as she rides you to her fourth release, her knees weak, holding herself up just barely with the small amount of perseverance she had left.

sub!riri! who stops her movements for just a second before she feels your hands on her lower back, guiding her down on your pink strap once again. “did i tell you to stop, love?” you say, rubbing her swollen clit in small circles, staring right into those brown irises. “i cant, i cant.” she breathes, but continues to sloppily ride you, letting her body collapse on top of yours while you pamper small kisses on her neck.

brat!riri! who loves just a little bit of smarting off at the mouth when you tease her. “hm, you talk big game for someone who can’t even take silicone.” you say, tracing your finger down her abdomen. she didn’t know what was filthier, how you talked to her or the way she liked it, a sultry heat in between her thighs. “wanna test that theory, ma?” she said, tilting her head slightly, eyes looking you up and down, posing an obvious challenge, one that she knew you were more than willing to take.

brat!riri! who exposes herself in front of you while your attempt to focus on your work, knowing that you’ll take one look at her vulgar display and take her bait soon enough. “riri, imma need you off my desk baby.” you sigh, practically pleading the woman to remove herself so that you could continue with your work. she shook her head, spreading her legs right in front of your face, so much that you could see just how much she needed you. “please, i miss you so, so much.” she whispered, hands playing in your coils, guiding you even closer to where she wanted you.

brat!riri!! who got exactly what she bargained for when she finds herself shaking mercilessly, nails ingrained the material of your desk while your fingers pump in and out of her with ease. “right there, baby, fuck.” she moans, feeling that familiar sensation building in her stomach, her cunt tightening around your fingers.

brat!riri!! who whines when you remove your fingers right before her orgasm, a cute pout on her lips. “my poor baby.” you smile, voice laced with fake sympathy and a hint of condescension. you taste her sweetness on your fingers, humming softly as you savored her.

“now if you want to cum, you’ll work for it, won’t you?”

another authors note- i loved doing these so much, i might do some more for her and some more characters. i hope that whoever read this enjoyed them. 💕💕💕

[elliessession]

𐙚 - This fic is based on a song called "die for you" by the weeknd !! -> cursing ! slight mention of sa ! fighting ! mentions of alcohol !

ೀ - an -> this is my first time writing againn, i quitted writing for like a year agoo, anyways this fic is fluff !! Enjoyy!

☠︎︎༒︎✞︎🕸𖤐

Ellie had been always overprotective when it comes to you. Shes also protective to her friends or to anyone she loves but not when it comes to you its just different.

"Where are you going?" The auburn haired girl asked "hm, just going out with my friends why?" you asked while finishing your make up "your going alone?" she said sarcastically "err.. i mean its your day off and you've been working your ass off, i dont wanna bother you" you said finishing your mascara "y'know im not letting you go out without me, right?" She slurs "i know els.. but i just want you to rest okay?" you say calmly your tone so convincing she said "fine, but dont forget to text me okay?" She says "mhm" you hum receiving a text from your friend saying theyre on their way to your apartment, you started getting ready finding the right heels that matches your dark red dress. You go to ellie asking her "hey babe, watcha think?" You say smiling at her "you look great, oh my god i cant let you go out alone wearing that" she says softly laughing "i mean.. you can go with me if you want to, i just really want you to rest for now" you say looking at her "its fine baby, i trust you but send me the bar you're going at and I'll pick you up around 11pm" you gave her a genuine smile before kissing her "alright ill write the bar down on a piece of paper" you say going to your desk to write the bar down, you feel your phone vibrate in your purse, you received a text from your friend saying theyre already outside your apartment waiting for you in the car, "els, here.. heres the bars name, i gtg my friends are there! Love ya!" You say kissing her gently before going to meet your friends.

After 20minutes you and your friends arrived at the bar, you being greeted by the loud music, people chatting here and there the white and red light illuminating. You liked this feeling, the feeling of being out with your friends, drinking with them and just having fun at all.

Your friend scarlet suddenly grabbing your arm "hey! Lets go inside shall we?" You nod while smiling at your friend, you and your 3 other friends go inside the bar and oh it was loud as hell but you just shrug that feeling off and went to the counter with your friends "hey ladies, what drink are y'all ordering?" The bartender asked, your friend layla whos one of your trusted and closest friend said "uhh, we'll have 2 daiquiri and 2 gimlet!" she said. After a few minutes of waiting the drinks were served your friend layla saying thankyou to the bartender and handling y'alls drink, you take a sip from your drink daiquiri and boy did it taste good.

And minutes later you guys were drunk real drunk to the point all of you are just talking gibberish, you thought everything was going great but boy you were wrong, you guys were approached by 2 tall guys and one of the guys started introducing his self to you and your friend suddenly splurts out "dude, fuck off she has a girlfriend, shes into girls" your friend layla laughing as she says it a guy also tried to flirt with layla but shes just too drunk to talk, plus you also did the same you told the guy to fuck off and just flirt with your other 2 friends, well you and layla are the only gay ones there the other two? Scarlet and Leah well theyre straight but very supportive.

And after you knew it Leah and Scarlet were gone they went with the 2 tall guys and layla? Oh she passed out..thats how drunk she got, you laughed and took your phone out to take a picture of layla to send it to ellie, you looked at the time and it shows "10:36pm" 'ellie is probably gonna be here any minute now' you think to yourself, you just sat at the counter waiting for ellie to reply but she never did, 'she probably fell asleep' you say to yourself and at this point you've kinda sobered out.

A few moments later a guy went up to you flirting and asking you some questions which made you very uncomfortable. You already made it very clear that you're a lesbian and you have a girlfriend "dude, can you leave me alone. I have a girlfriend and yes im into girls, now leave me alone." You irritatedly spurts out "alright, angel chill, i can change you.. you just need my dick and you'll be good" this made you very angry and very very uncomfortable. "Dude fuck off will ya? I do not like you and you are making me uncomfortable." You say, the guy the suddenly grabbed you by the arm and led you to a slightly not crowded area, you tried to get off his grip but you cant. You feel helpless at this point hes trying to kiss your neck until.. there she was, the auburn girl punching the guy so he'll let go of you. "Els! w-what are you doing here?" You screamed "I'll talk to you later baby, gotta teach this fucker a lesson" ellie then punched the guy again knocking him down, ellie then went on top of the guy and started choking the guy. You got scared ellie might kill the guy and you were also crying at this point "ellie! Els! No baby stop you're gonna kill him!" You screamed while sobbing, ellie heared your sobs she let go of the guy and started hugging you "hey baby? y'alright?" She says.

You just sobbed on her arms and say "y-yes im fine ellie... but you literally just almost unalived a guy.." you say, ellie then hugs you tighter "oh angel.. i should've unalived him, he literally assaulted you." Ellie said her voice still filled with anger..

"Oh angel.. you dont know the things i would do for you."

"i would die for you.. i would kill for you my baby.."

[inmaki]

I'm fine zuma but the embarrassment is killing me I'm never going to attend family gatherings againn😭😭😭😭 but fortunately, yes I did find the yuuji fic I was looking for😭

-🍙

I CANT BRATHE I FEEL SO BAD FOR U... 😭 hey at least u found the yuji fic..

[obsessedwithbooksandmusic]

I LOVE ITHK THIS HURTS ME

I feel like this person just hates the album ‘lover’ wtf

HE GOT MY HEARTBEAT SKIPPING DOWN SIXTEENTH AVENUE GOT THAT AH I MEAN WANNA SEE WHAT’S UNDER THAT ATTITUDE LIKE

I WANT YOU BLESS MY SOUL AND I AINT GOTTA TELL HIM I THINK HE KNOWS

LYRICAL SMILE INDIGO EYES HAND ON MY THIGH WE CAN FOLLOW THE SPARKS ILL DRIVE

OMFG NOT SYGB?? IT’S ABOUT HER GODDAMN MUM THEY CANT HATE ON THAT :((( WHY WOULD U EVEN SAY SMT LIKE THAT

AND IT’S SUCH AN AMAZING SONG AS WELL LIKE WHY?

as someone who’s acc had family members deal with these types of issues and have died (my grandparents) it genuinely hurts me cos i’ve cried to this song because of how it is so relatable in detailing those experiences, it’s such an open and vulnerable song to how could they say that :(

OK No but genuinely why do so many ppl not like INTHAF? like it’s so calming and it’s a childhood friends to lovers in song. It’s like folklore’s child, and it gives Jemma and Percabeth too so. like I’ve always liked it and i get softer songs arent everyone’s thing but it’s acc really nice to vibe to.

ALSO ME! GETS DRAGGED A LOT TOO

‘Living in Winter i am your summer, baby doll when it comes to a lover promise that you’ll never find another like ME HE HEE’

againn it’s such a good song, so catchy I can’t get sick of it. Yes Brendon Urie, very problematic, but the song itself is rlly good (omg the live in Paris one tho, soooo good) and plus ppl don’t just hate on him being featured, they hate on the actual song itself, which doesn’t make sense at all

Yes I agree twitter is tasteless and very much needs ✨help✨

it gets worse

so much worse

someone said the following songs are skips...

iftye

the archer ;-;

false god wdkjkhkbsdj

DAYLIGHT (part of my big three in her entire discography???)

ITHK?

sygb (come ON, whatever opinions you have on that song just refrain from commenting because...)

inthaf ....

me!

imagine being this tasteless

NO…they didn’t

THE AUDACITY

IFGTYE?? BUT BUT IT’S SO GOOD

‘It isn’t love it isn’t hate it’s just indifference’ DO THEY NOT LIKE SASS?

NOT THE ARCHER? I HAVE ANXIETY I WILL FIGHT

‘I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost, the room is on fire, invisible smoke and all of my heroes die all alone”

“ALL OF MY ENEMIES STARTED OUT FRIENDS”?

“THEY SEE RIGHT THROUGH ME THEY SEE RIGHT THROUGH ME”

HOW IS THAT MASTERPIECE A SKIP?

NOT FALSE GOD? IT’S DRESS 2.0 HOW CAN U SAY THAT?

‘We were stupid to jump, in the ocean separating us, remember how I’d fly to you?’ ‘They all warned us about times like this, they say the road gets hard when you’re let by blind faith BLIND FAITH’ ‘But we might just get away with it, religion’s in your lips, even if it is a false god.” I COULD GO ON

THEY CANNOT CRITICISE DAYLIGHT IT’S SO PURE AND HAPPY AND SWEET

AND I CAN STILL SEE IT ALL (IN MY MIND)

ALL OF YOU ALL OF ME (INTERTWINED)

I ONCE BELIEVED LOVE WOULD BE (BLACK AND WHITE)

AND I CAN STILL SEE IT ALL (IN MY HEAD)

BACK AND FORTH FROM NEW YORK (SNEAKING IN YOUR BED)

ONCE BELIEVED LOVE WOULD BE (BURNING RED)

BUT IT’S GOLDEN

LIKE DAYLIGHT

‘…you are who you love’

it’s shows how bright love can be how it can make the darkness (AKA WHAT’S MENTIONED IN THE ARCHER)

YH IT’S ONE OF THE BEST SONGS IN HER DISCOGRAPHY FOR ME TOO

I’m gonna reblog cos I’m gonna do the other songs but it’s gonna be long asf

[itsjusta]

May 2, 2021

woke up at 8 kapin todaaay doeee cos idk kalit ko kamata and saba pd silingan 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ but i went back to sleep mga 10 man heheh after dat i just rested doeee there’s a kdrama im watching naman pd now hehehe but hapit napd nako human!!! 🤦🏻‍♀️ galisod raba gyd ko find drama nga ganahan nako doeee aishhh

issa i just had sandwich and iced coffee for lunch doeee cos not in da mood for rice hehe after dat issa just watch2 lang doeee and i went man to my old room cos so igang in my room uyy aishh i also got sapot a little while eating lunch cos mom issa hugaw2 da kitchen again and dili ga clean i have to mop always and its tiring doeee to clean and i didnt even hugaw it aishhh but i left dayon da kitchen dont want to get more sapot aishh

issa im still a litol bothered by sad thoughts today doeee but i didnt cry naaa hehe maybe cos dug on nako in a few days das why im so sensitive?? or maybe im just having bad days doooe hahah issa di man jd mawala having bad days esp cos im still healing from a lot of thingssss sometimes i get used it to it but sometimes i also cant get used to crying doeee hahah i’ve cried so much da past year i think isa nato ka dagat ako tears 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

i also thought about f2f doeee and ion know if im ready for that cos its gonna bring so many changes again :( aishhh ion want to undergo painful changes again doeee but i guess its lisod to stop gyddd and ion want to be alone when its f2fff hahaha aishhh i realized i really have no go-to friend here doeee haahh sauna its fine cos u were there but now omggg this is the reality that i must face hahha its gonna take awhile to get used to everything doe if daghan napd mag change but aish its fine i just have to try my best to get through it doeee and i shud practice dealing with my problems alone also ryt aishhh hahah

kanina 4:30 i did my part sa amo research paper doeee and final edits nalang kulang samo paper and we done na wid daaat omg if ma done nami just 3 exams left and im done with this sem!!! 😩 i hope i do good in da exams 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 i played codm 9-10:30 with kyla and chanler doeee hahha then watched kdrama againn dont wanna sleep early now so i didnt take my medsss aish and idk doeee dis was not a sad day but also not a good oneee ion know my heart is a litol heavy doeee hahah idk with me why i always have days like these aishhh but its okay doe one day i will have happy days againnnn i just have to keep going until muabot na dooeee

good night doeeee u know when u said u will always be there for me issa i cried a litol doe 🥺 cos idkkk im so thankful gyd and it makes me feel lighter to hear thatttt hahah but then i know u have ur own life doeee so aish dapat not nako sge rant to u about everything doeee hahah aishhh but so hard also to doe idk doeee its so kapoy to think about dat aish night aish i cried while writing dis uy issa maka emote huuuh

have a good day tomorrowwww i wish u all the happiness the world can offer! 💛 know that i always pray and will always pray for ur strength, success, and happiness doe. you may not think of me as your bestfriend anymore but i still think of u that way doe das why i want nothing but happiness for u. if you fall down, know that i am here to help u get back up doeee. im always just one call awayyy u know i will always answer ur call doe. thank u for letting me stay in ur life doooeee 🥺

[shytiff]

Mar 2021 Wins

1 - Work againn except the medical record ran out. So we went back at 12 am. Relaxeddd at home. Fasted today (still got 2 fasting debts to go). Meeting with dr dafsah dr bayushi and dr debby at 20:30. I embarrassed myself lmao,,, and what you can say as "asal bunyi". Let the overthinking and fear begin. I actually woke up 3 times during the night, lmaoo is it anxiety? Never happened to me before.

2 - we need to take care of administrations to get more medical record so we did. Wasted almost half of the day but we finally managed. Immediately fell asleep at home lmao

3 - the usual day in harkit. Asked more medical records. Planned to go to cp to see slip ons but the tj i wanted to ride went straight to kalideres so like the sane person i am of course i went back home. Timing is very222 great sometimes in life. Zoom meeting with the ever so kind dr eva. Mahmud and dela joined the assistant gang

4 - magang. Met dr eva in pediatric icu. late late evening lunch was kungpao chicken sec bowl (which i exclaimed as sweet. And then my friend said kungpao is supposed to taste like that. Huh). I was picked up after maghrib. Laid down in bed, playing my phone until 22ish and i fell asleep. Damn i shouldve slept earlier yknow

5 - magang. Ate spicy salmon onigiri from lawson for lunch. Went to btkv basecamp with mahmud since RM was a bit crowded. Not even 10 mins in, and we excused ourselves because misuh2 btkv near the computer on our table. Went to nonama in le meridien after magang with ara ness gen cal hanin amal alya. The sushi was so so (too much rice). Yay for lots of sashimi. Salmon kushiage was tasty. Salmon aburi cheesy stuff was tasty. Soba so so. Takoyaki explodes in your mouth. While waiting for mom, saw live piano performance in the lobby. Shes playing alone. I hope she knows someone out there appreciates it *oddly melancholic*

6 - slept in. Felt good. Hurriedly showered and got ready bcs i thot it was getting a bit late and turns out i arrived in halte kalideres 9:11 am lmao. Breakfast slash lunch was penyetan cok ayam. The sambal was not THAT spicy but my tongue has weakened now. Picked up some data in RM. Went to central park with my heavy ass bag to search for slip ons. Didnt find one yet. Went to kkv for the first time. Went back home and its heavy rain on the tj but dry in kalideres. Snacked on fitz cookies (its basically vegan tuffis) on the bus since i felt hungryyy. Juan bought chicken satay and when i arrived theyre all eating but i didnt feel like eating with them lmao (its been a while since i last did) so i just went upstairs, finished that fitz cookies, fell asleep in my mukena (after maghrib) and skipping isya :(

7 - didnt feel like doing anything when i woke up, but forced myself to open laptop for nemo. Played a bit of keyboard. Ate last nights satay. Rly was in a rut until i managed to shower (i last showered yesterday morning,,,) and felt a bit better. Even did night skin care and mask (which i didnt do lately)

8 - magang as usual while listening to curhat babu. I was still feeling "off" even though i was outside already. Felt a bit more normal after i had lawson's ice arabica gayo covfefe. Lunch was spicy sec bowl with extra chicken. Coffee's effect is amazing im just blown away. Like im not tired. I feel normal. I dont feel like immediately going to bed when i arrive at the house. Read and finished starving anonymous before bed. Its... A lot to take in. Especially before bed lmaoo

9 - mencret2 in the morning and i blame it on spicy sec bowl. my pace in magang is so slow why :( lunch is carbonara spaghetti from Barilla (29k with discount). It does make you feel full, and it is creamy. But the beef bacon is so few 😐 it will be more delish if it has more bacon. Picked up by mom after maghrib today. At 19:30 ish my stomach hurtedddd bcs of rising acid.its been a while since it happened. Thankfully mom bought tan ek tjoan and brownies. The ache dissipated after i finished my bread. Its so cold in the car tfff or is it my poor metabolism

10 - magang til after isya since tomorrow is a holiday. powered by lawson’s arabica gayo after lunch (good habit’s minimal-taste fried rice lol). while on the way back, kapjagiii ukmppd result announcement. alhamdulillah i passed. congratulated by some. slept late seeing people’s social media update.

11 - woke up late. didnt feel hungry, so i ate at 13:00 ish (tuna, peanut-chocolate sandwich). slept after eating. ghosted mahmuda calling me regarding after zuhur liqo. didnt pick up atikah’s calls. cant seem to talk lmao. rly rly tried to do dr dafsah’s excel this day, but cant seem to start my day. i was like “i’ll take a shower” but i didnt. “i’ll start the excel at 20:00″ i didnt. i just slept. and woke. and slept. dreamed about going to dufan with clara but we bailed since there was no promo. i practically didnt no anything today lol

12 - finally showered (that was supposedly done yesterday lmao). my pink flats broke down. i was the only one who come lmao. did dr dafsah’s excel and finished at 10. went to TA and tried popolamama’s ayce. tried chicken arabiatta (very tomato-ey taste, not a fan), pepperoni, bolognese and banana caramel with vanilla ice cream. Managed to eat 4 small pizza out of 9 flavor choices. While eating i remembered i came to celebrate passing ukmppd. so in my mind i pat myself in the back and said (not out loud) congrats for passing ukmppd. it felt bittersweet, but a nice validation. tried to search for slip ons again but didnt find one. bought a black top in uniqlo. started reading here you are

13 - lazed and lazed and jhs friends wanted to meet up but i cant even muster the courage to shower lmao. after zuhur was the meet up time but i slept at 12. lets go. come on. out. suddenly i have to build up a will to socialize just like with running. and i managed. left the house at 13:30-ish. went to ali kopi dm and got thai tea. slowly warming up my social battery. and then things felt a bit better. and we moved to flavola (got the somay). and talked we did, until suddenly its near isya. and then i had to go back bcs mom was being restrictive as usual. if it werent for that i would stay longer w atikah and pupuy. felt energized afterwards, read more of here you are and slept at 00:00 ish

14 - woke up, played some keyboard. im not prepared for another monday. Mangago is down. Unboxed my knockoff airpods that arrived couple of days ago. The sound and function was ok. Showered near the end of zuhur.

15 - magang as usual. Got out of my gloomy (felt a bit better) after going out. Lunch was ayam pedas lawson with added fried chicken. Also bought arabica gayo. Went back home before maghrib. Why must i be here while my dad talk about whatever before sholat maghrib. I hate it here. Ara and redita stayed over bcs theyre 'supposedly' going to rsut to pick up samples. Except it was cancelled and in the morning they went back to rscm,,,

16 - its only morning but i yapped abt worrying in our future to poor ekal who just sat there lmaoo. I told him how i realized im easily bored. Tried K-Chop for lunch, bought kimchi bokkeumbap, pajeon and kimchi jeon. The fried rice tasted like fried rice but with a hint of kimchi. Kimchi jeon was good and refreshing. the pajeon was basically egg with added ingredients. But it did make me feel full. Suddenly felt like singing life goes on with the keyboard.

17 - tried fitfut for lunch. Got mushroom chicken steak and katsu wrap. Their katsu is,,, simply put, tasteless. Like those HEALTHY healthy foods. The (small) chicken steak was ok. The mushroom sauce tasted good. Zoom call with dr dafsah at 12 am. More work i guess,,,

18 - fasted today. Still got 1 debt to go. Sahur was indomie, banana and protein shake. Did not feel hungry in magang but i kinda felt lightheaded. And then i cant take it anymore and went home at 2 pm. Arrived after ashar. Theres PLENTY of time to do stuff, right? Nope. I just laid in bed playing my phone til maghrib (iftar was chicken noodle) and continued until i fell asleep. My dream was absurd lmaoooo

19 - had custom salad hut for lunch. felt suuuper fult. bought pop cookies since it was the last day of grabfood’s 50% promo. was picked up after isya by mom. we talked with the resident who’s doing his thesis stuff and it turns out he’s from the same shs as mahmuda lmao. he bought kopsus and donat kampung for us, how kinddd :”) i said “mantap ni kakak kelasnya mahmud” and he said “kamu kan adek kelas saya juga”. kind seniors. i hope they have great careers and be successful and im learning to be kind from kind people. i dont know, im just easily touched by simple gestures lmaoo. first time trying tuku’s coffee. it’s smooth and creamy (like the milk and coffee unites (?)) and it doesnt separate when you leave it. its milky but has a strong coffee taste. Slept at 11 pm-ish, playing my phone

20 - lazed. saw long covid webinar. ate mom’s salmon mentai, pop cookies matcha cream cheese and dark chocolate. the dark chocolate one, especially a bit cold, taste soooo good wtf. concentrated sugar and chocolate at its finest. played some keyboard. saw youtube vids about the genius jacob collier. lent my byu phone number so ara could use it to catfish in coffee and bagel lol. bought sbux green tea and caramel macchiato 1 L for 100k + delivery fee and my bro said it tasted good

21 - tried pop cookies red velvet this time. Its super sweet yall and i thought martabak orins was the epitome of d40 bolus. did pamela reif 10 mins calorie burn that wont kill you. except i got doms WITHIN the day of work out. also attempted sun salutation and my leg is so damn stiff. did some work on sunday!!! wow!!!! (after wasting 2 weekends) finished skimming air gear lol. it still made me feel glorious. 

22 - volunteered to help vaccination at rptra planet senen w akis els yud kind. Finished at about 13:30. We got chicken noodle, nasi padang and mcd lol. Went to senen bus station. Prayed there. Called mahmud and turns out theres no new medical record so i went straight home. Ate the mcd and lazed in bed

23 - vaccine volunteer again, this time in sd 01 kramat, w regen nagit red adita. Observation table again. Except its twice the amount of pt compared to yesterday. Nebeng redita to gang IX and walked to nessa's place. Went to GI and we watched violet evergarden (tif gen ness kris indah ara). The ac in the screenX cgv theater wasnt even on. Picked up by mom at 20:30 ish so i hurried down. The movie was hilarious w indah's commentary

24 - sooo sleepy and lazy but finally went to harkit. Waiting for pak oji to get medicak records, i shopped at sociolla lol. Bought eyebrow pencil, eyeshadow palette, blush since i dont have those (i only have cheap 3 color mizzu eyeshadow). Did some work. Met kiki in RM. "planned" to do the rest of magang work at home and arrivd back at 3-ish pm but we all know thats a lie. Lazed. Maghrib. Bought sbux 1L to have some caffeine through the green tea. Sinau airway class by dr zeta (focused thanks to the caffeine). Had some "awake time" left and did not feel sleepy til 10:30ish pm but i had to sleep since i got 1 more fasting to go 2mrw. No progress on magang work aaaaa

25 - had indomie, boiled egg, banana and protein powder for sahur. magang. emir took a while to pick me up even though i already told him the time im arriving and i ended up ordering grab lmao and he showed up right before the grab. liqo w kak kartika and mahmud while sipping caramel macchiato. did some translation (job by dr triya)

26 - picked up pld medal, gown and buavita (lol) at salemba and then went to harkit. met kiki again. lunch was k-chop. quite good and fulfilling. waiting for mom to pick me up before maghrib. Was lazying around at night and it turns out clara came w kefas. She called but dumb ass me had my phone on silent. She surprised me and came all the wayyy with a little tayo cake and a line friends pillow. I was awkward w kefas bcs im awkward w new people :):):) she went back and then i cried afterwards in my room. Fianti sent me a wish before midnight (somehow havent fell asleep) and then i close my eyes and go to the dream world

27 - had mie goreng for breakfast. fell asleep again. woke to silvi and racheel calling me and as usual my phone was not ringing. there’s racil silvi devi reza outside the door lmao. they (including atikah) surprised me with gift (a bag). i asked them to come with me to gi since im gonna eat w regen. we tried yakiniku like and the meat was juicy and yum, better then kintan. racil dkk ate marugame udon just below. wanted to get banban but it was so crowded. went back by grab. racil and atikah stayed over. talked until like 12 am. forced myself to pray isya. 

28 - talked for hours like we usually do, tried some makeup bcs i need to practice for pld lol. tarik tiga to their place bcs i needed to borrow pld clothes lol. rearranged my room and i was sweating. i should’ve drank macchiato and did some work but i cant bring myself to so i just sleep. hangovers post feeling normal are never the best feeling

29 - woke up super late. cant bring myself to go to harkit. i feel like shit. sick and tired of feeling sick and tired ((quoting jhene aiko)). mustered some will to shower. rode my on bike pretending im going to harkit except im going to mcd. got big breakfast and lemon tea. went to flavola, ordered kopsus coklat and indomie + telor. Went back home after isya. 

30 - Binge watching sean and kaycee’s vids lol it all began with their leave the door open dance :). went to harkit by TJ after the redcap was unaccessible at 09:30ish. lunch was truffle belly chicken mushroom (somehow there’s 50% disc). Took some needed data and went back home at 14:20. did (new) translation for dr Triya. finally drank homemade matcha latte after a while. 

31 - originally intended to go to flavola after zuhur, but i just cant muster the strength. did dr triya’s translation work. didnt do any ecmocard today. felt like shit. ate the tayo small cake from clara. quite good and not too heavy. gladi kotor pld today. did green screen using mukena lol. fell asleep. skipped isya and the next morning’s subuh :( basically i ended march feeling like utter shit lol

[stainedglassmaiden]

spoilers ahead - okay - so i just watched the siren on xfinitystream.

im so disappointed - or maybe ive just gotta think harder about it/watch the ending again - because it wasnt a common kind of style of a movie, and during most of it, i felt like it was going somewhere interesting . but thenn, at the end like in the last 5-10 minutes, idk, there were flashbacks or fantasies or something, i wasnt suree what was real or not, and it made the end confusing, and there be wayy less closure than i feel like there could have been!!! cause i feelll like maybee if they picked maybe onee of the confusing scenes/fantasies or something at the end, it could’ve made the closure and whole movie seem like 40% better and have more of a clear message. ughhh! they were soo close to having something interesting [and good+clear]!

some ppl had very negative reviews of it, because they didnt understand how the details related, but i think those were some of the most significant parts, and found how i thought they related, to explain and explore some themes in the story.

--

so the movies about a young man, whod never been in love and is mute and v christian, who is taking a break from his life in the church, to stay at a cabin on a lake. [although he had lost his voice in the first place when he was drowned type thing when he was young]. and his neighbor is a man whos lookin kinda rough, cause he lost his husband to what he thinks is a folklore of a monster in this lake, who drowned the husband. so now, this widower wants to find the monster and get revenge and kill the monster. and the background is, that the monster is supposed to be a woman based on like a siren [bc of the title] orr? -a slavic myth of a woman whos undead and haunts a body of water where she had drowned herself when she was unhappy with her husband/was heartbroken.

-

so! i thought it was unique bc it was a very simple set, and not much dialogue probs cause the man was mute, but that was alright with me! it wasnt uncomfortablyy quiet. it was fun for a rainy day, like a little melancholy and a little spooky and a little lovesick . idkk, it was a moodd, if youre in that mood lols, and want solidarity with a movie.

fun how they had diversity, with an asian woman playing the siren - you dont see much asian representation in western movies. and a gay man just casually thrown in there, not a big deal, which is also cool uncommon diversity representation a little bit . andd likee, ability-diversity with a mute character, and its not like a big deal, but maybe people like that would like to see people like their own selves reflected/represented in movies tooo, so they dont feel on the outsidee of the realm of “kinds of people who can be starred as kinds of movie characters” usually, you know? :).

-

some details that other people thought werent relevant and annoyingly random, were things that i thought weree very interesting and related to a message of the movie!

-like i thought the music was significant. it was this very like, etherial possibly what would you call it - like monk like, cathedral echo-y singing. you  know how theres that kind of music like in cathedrals? etherial? -andd its like the kind of music that sirens are traditionally thought to sing. like echo-y and kinda haunting. so i thought that tied the siren and the religious mute characters together. andd they were falling in love anyway. andd it sounds haunting-y and theyre both kindaa haunted by stuff in the back of their minds, like she, by her curse and her lost love in the past or whatever, and she wishes she could come back to land and be normal, but this curse is keeping her in the water - and him, by whether he should return to his church or not - since he had gotten a phone message from them saying like, dont strayyy from the churchh and dont sinnn come back to us!

thenn, i dont think his mute-ness is random either. i think it signifies the theme of like, misunderstanding and miscommunication [and how that can be frustrating]. like how she is frustrated bc shes seen as a monster [and is one] but shes also, sometimes just a normal girl, when the curse isn’t taking a hold of her. and the widower thoughtt he misunderstood her, when he wasnt sure if she wass actually the monster, because sometimes, she just acts like a lady, and he felt sorry that he was blaming her, since he was like, “theres probs no such thing as monsters, shes probs justt a normal lady”.

thenn, i dont think him being gay was random either i guess . people were annoyed about all these random choices about the characters’ characteristics, because they seemed random and distractingly irrelevant. but i think its relevant because idk i thought maybe because sirens were originally supposed to lure menn to their graves. so it makes it easier for him maybe, and more believeable that he wouldnt be able to be more focused, to try to kill her, and not be lured. even if it wouldnt literallyy work, maybe its just supposed to be symbolicc for their repellant -rather than luring - relationship.

something lacking in love - is another theme i think it was cool how they explored it in different ways. like how the mute man had never been in love, and when talking about that, the neighbor was like, “i dont know if i should feel sorry about that or not. can you imagine that?!”. and even when he did nearly get love with the siren, they could never really comfortablyy be alll the way in each others’ worlds, either on land or in the water. -not on land, because she has to always have atleast part of her body in the water, so shes always just kinda soggily, uncomfortably, sitting on the edge of the dock. they cant comfortably be in the water either, because firstly, he doesn’t know how to swim/is afraid of getting in the water, since thats how hed lost his voice as a child - and, because i guess the curse starts to take control of her when shes near other people when theyre in the water, and she needs to drown them. and, how both the other couples had had love, but then i guess they either lost their partner, or it ended in heartbreak.

it made me sad but was moving in a good way, how when she wasnt feeling the siren curse, they did try their best to change to be able to hang out. like she triedd to resist the curse and climbb out of the water to join him on land (although it didnt work). and how since she couldnt come out, hed lie on the dock withh her so she could stilll put her foot in the water. that was cute and thoughtful.

v low lighting though. like, i know we’re trying to make it spooky and a bummer, but also, i can barely see what youre doing. ever heard of likee, idk, a gray or dark blue filter for the camera, so its like the illusionn of night time, but doesnt actuallyy make things too obscure to see things?!

the choices of casting were nice though. i feel like the mute man and siren had chemistry you can feel, evenn if they couldn’t even talk much!.

the ending couldvee been clever. i just didnt really understand. but there wass a flashback or fantasy where idk, i think it was the mute man ended up becoming a siren tooo! (you could tell because his eyes became as big and dark as herss when she was under the curse being a siren), and then that was cooll cause thenn they were shown just bothh being sirenss in her little cove in the waterr, so they couldd be happy and togetherr all the time actuallyy, in the water! thatd’ve been a nice ending. although they would have to explain why hes a siren now, cause they hadn’t. i guess hed have to drown himself or get drowned, with/from a broken heart, just like she did, to become one. but why would his heart be broken, cause theyre ablee to hang out pretty much, when shes nott a siren, and shes not dead ..

butt, they did just end the movie (spoiler!) with him deciding to leave the lake (i didnt understand why?), and when he leaves, she seen kinda swimming up in the distance, to/towards his empty cabin. maybe thats just saying, “and thenn, they were never ablee to be together anywayy, and itd alwayss be like this imagee for them - how it was in the first place, with him on just on land, and herr, only and forever just kinda stuck lurkingg in the distancee, in the waterr - tooo far away from him/remote/[misunderstood! -and cant fix that [monster part] about herself] - to ever really be with him for real. :(.

hm. so i think idk, either make it clearerr, which of these endings are just fantasies,/why, or just choose onee of them, and committ to thatt message. for the movie. lols. orr if you choose the ending where he becomes a siren too, you gotta explain why that happened better.

plus, (spoiler) when the widower got killed and joined his husband at the bottom of the lake, i feel like that couldve been used to say something significant or to bring something full circle or make a point of some kind. but it didnt, so.. i kind of dont understand why that was done. although i cant think of a better ending for that character, and cant think of how else his story could’ve played out - because either he has to get killed by the siren, he has to kill the siren, or he has to never be able to catch and kill the siren - but either way, idk howw youd make eitherr of these possible endings come to an interesting and satisfying solution, for the scheme of the rest of the movie’s story. i guessss its kindaa cool that atleastt he ended up with his husband againn.. [at the bottom of the lake..] which is kinda dark - but its like , ..so ? that wasnt even his/the goal..!

so yea. i like this movie. its quiet and oddly sweet and kinda moody, which sometimes youre actually in the mood to watch. just kinda chilly. and spooky and nostolgic. im just frustrating cause i felt like it was onto something brilliant, then the ending was kinda noncommital and a flop.

but it seemed kinda thoughtful and cool how it was somethingg about like - the themes of frustration, misunderstanding, things not quitee fitting together in life, longing. which are things that arent usuallyy the point of most movies, so it was cool to get to reflect on those things [in media], uncommonly/for once, through watching this one.

[maybe the point/message of this movie was: Sometimes, you just try your best to make things work out (from the various examples of this being tried throughout the movie), but its okay to be sad and bummed when it doesn’t work out how you wanted it too, because that is how it has to end up sometimes (likethe husbands wanted to be together - and they didnt quite get what they wanted cause they didd end up together - but it was when theyre Dead at the bottom of the lake, -or how the siren wantss to overcome her curse, by healing and moving on from her previously broken heart, by trying to overcome riskss to fall in love againn with a neww man, and defying the curse trying to climb out of the water - but (for some reason?) sometimes, i guess thats just a fantasy, like all their flashbacks. so now shes just gonna be soggy and dripping and uncomfortable (physically and emotionally) in her humans clothes (not like, traditionally fun and comfortable and alluring like how mermaids who weree made to originallyy belong in the water, look.), just watching her potential [future] lovers and things she thoughtt were opportunitiess to heal from the curse, pass her by on land - while she watches them from very far away in the water. [im not suree how the mute one fits in to this message perfectly - but i guess maybe hes just the accessory to the siren’s part of the message].

[backcrosstrolls]

bioSeeker [BS] began trolling faunaPocalypse [FP]

BS: aatarth? where are you whered yyou go

BS: atarth??

Junore waited, hunched over his husktop, for a response. He still couldn’t quite believe that Atarth hadn’t shown up at all, but then, he figured it was probably to get him to meet Hoshah. Still, he wanted an explanation, because... why was he supposed to meet her?

He decided to try again.

BS: tar are you theere

FP: ::not at present::

FP: ::but i am here::

He sighed, putting his face in a hand. Sometimes, Atarth’s way of speaking was just so damn confusing, especially when he could barely type anyway.

BS: tar, i needd to know

BS: whats up with the beach trip

BS: you werent there

FP: ::surely you were not alone::

BS: well no, i wsnt, but

BS: but

BS: but why?

FP: ::who did you find?::

BS: at last, something i can understand

BS: foundd uh

BS: hoshah

BS: i think thats how you spell iy

BS: she was...

BS: i dont know what to think

FP: ::go on::

BS: well first of all, she was only sevn sweeps

BS: but shed done a lot.

BS: so much.

BS: captain of her own ship.

Junore felt some sort of warmth, thinking about Hoshah. She was so big, and so... strong, and... everything he wasn’t. He wished he’d gone with her. That he’d maybe spoken up earlier.

FP: ::that is quite an accomplishment yes::

FP: ::how did she act toward you::

BS: well, she was sso kind

BS: i think she really cared aboutt me, even though i dont know her that well

BS: she aked if i wanted to go with her

FP: ::is that so::

BS: to the docks

FP: ::you did not though::

BS: no, i didnt

BS: shouldve

Now he was starting to cry, sniffing back tears. He missed his opportunity, and for what?

FP: ::junore::

FP: ::why do you think that::

BS: because

BS: bcause

He paused again, swallowing. Does Atarth need to know this? Then again, why not? They’d been nothing but kind to him, ever.

BS: because i dont know wwhen id even be able to go do anything like that againn

FP: ::why is that junore::

BS: ata4th

He didn't want to admit it. He couldn't. He didn't need to tell Atarth that. It'd only worry him.

BS: im not gonna get better

BS: im nnot

BS: not ever im jujust getting worse

BS: i dont know if ill ever be

BS: eever be able to do that agin

FP: ::is that what you want junore::

FP: ::or would you prefer to go with the captain::

FP: ::perhaps even adventure with her::

BS: but ii cant

FP: ::you might if you hurry::

BS: not alone

FP: ::i will go with you::

BS: but atatth i have

BS: i need to keep working

BS: yyou know i do

FP: ::not to worry::

FP: ::all will be just as you left it and you will be stronger when you return::

FP: ::it is not healthy to do anything for too long a time::

BS: youre sure?

Of course he could trust Atarth. Wasn't that what he'd been doing for so long? And Atarth had never failed him. Not on anything major.

FP: ::cross my heart and hope to die::

[raliciel]

I ran into spoiler againn;-;

So i ran into masquerada spolier(again, really, i have to block this tag until i get this game in stream sale) that tell me Vasco Tassitore (purple guy with flute) can't speak in english word but manage to talk in Dimenticate (an ancient language in game) very fluently. This, however, bug me so much. Because I have heard of this syndrome long time ago, in real life, in internet. It's a rare one that cause by being damage in brain (IDK what part is it, Cerebrum i guess?) too much that the brain cannot function correctly, in this case it has switch their native language with inactive one. Causing the patient to speak in any different language but mother language. This disease can be last for 3 day or even 1 year as i remember. I cant find any proof of this in internet tho. ;-; (and if anyone find it please let me know and i'll be thank you so much. For science, i want to know it REAL BAD.) But I find the similar syndrome called "Foreign accent syndrome" (im using iphone typing this i can paste link sorry;-;) google should help) this one is switching your accent, not all of your language So if you are too lazy to read all of this i gonna use my bad engrish skill to conclude this post. I have a hypothesis that Vasco Tessitore is having a disease that similar to Foreign accent syndrome which called in-game Salting.

[mortallymysticpaper-blog]

u ussed to cure cumdeeowwnz..now i have sweaters and hoodys to make my comedowwwnzzz rest for eyes closed shutttt eye is the hardest when i cant find some shit to hold close. my toes twitch for a soul to clench and i never been fisted but u can try . fuck that trife im just messin againn cuz i would say come thru and hold me tight. but u runnin all night. ima just wear ur shit and put ur hood on my head. i smell this strong asss scent that keeps all the demons at bayyy and twitches die out then eyes close and im peacefullllyyyyypeicingoutyoo