#i cant even update stuff on time im so late on everything

[hishighnesstheprincess]

. Vent post in tags

[transboysokka]

pls allow me to make a long life update ramble here bc im sick of irl people not understanding at all

I feel like I have a feel disconnected points to make

People like me aren’t meant to get bachelor’a degrees and we’re DAMN SURE not meant to get master’s

I’m 1000% just in survival mode right now and there’s theoretically a month left to go but idek if I’ll make it that long tbh

It has taken me YEARS to figure out a healthy/sustainable work-life balance that goes with my executive dysfunction but that’s NOT POSSIBLE working full time AND doing a degree

I’ve been feeling guilty for resting at all lately (and probably should) but yet if I don’t my health suffers majorly

It has always been hard for me to get simple things done, but now I can’t even THINK about simple necessary errands like walking to the supermarket or going to get a cell phone number or updating shit at the bank because ALL my energy goes to keeping me and my dog alive, keeping a job, and trying to stay in this program

I have delayed my transition by YEARS to pay for all this which was definitely the wrong call ughhhhh

I worked SO hard all of K-12 to get into a good university, when it came down to it didn’t even want to go, was too depressed to apply to hardly any, chose my best option still not knowing what I wanted to do but forced into it and forced to take out all of these loans when I didn’t even know what they meant.

Ended up never dealing with audhd shit, trauma shit, didn’t know what I was doing with my life, tried to get jobs to pay for school but couldn’t handle class and jobs at the same time so got more depressed until I stopped going to classes altogether and got kicked out

That would have been great for me tbh but I still didn’t know what else to do so I begged them to let me back in which they did and I ended up barely graduating with some pointless major I just chose to get me a degree. And also $80k of student debt I had no way to even comprehend knowing how to use

Didn’t know what to do after that either so I ended up in retail for a couple years before I got a random rare opportunity to get me out of there and doing what I always wanted

Well. I felt like I needed to make up for lost time degree-wise and ended up basically begging myself into this half-shitty program that culminates in this masters. I applied maybe five years ago, waited a little over two to start until I had money to pay for it (this is after fleeing the US and the 80k lmao) and somehow killed the first year of it.

I took another year and a half off trying to figure out the rest of the money which I eventually did and that’s how we end up here. I will hopefully have the degree in October but will still be paying for it the rest of the school year rip

So financially this sacrifice is obviously huge and on one hand I never thought I’d be able to do it so yay me and on the other hand I have NOT been able to pursue v v important trans stuff which I notice and deal with eVERY GODDAmn day thanks AND I will also probably not be able to make my every-18-month visit home next summer with my family which also gODDAMN SUCKS because family was EVERYTHING to me growing up and they’ve all forgotten it and probably think I have too but I miss those mfers so much and they would never buy a flight to come see me so.

ANYWAY yeah in undergrad I could NOT do a job and school at the same time so I’ve been proud of being able to handle it this time around but the last fourish months of this program are so intense and I am NOT handling it

Like I have done SO WELL up to now so I feel like I just GOTTA keep going but it’s SO HARD and I’m TOO STUPID and I’ve been told my whole life I’m not meant for higher education and now BOY DO I KNOW IT

I’m just trying to keep going. I order food and groceries to my house. I’m putting off super important errands and appointments as long as I can because I JUST CANT GET THERE I CANNOT WASTE SPOONS ON CELL PHONE PLANS RIGHT NOW I’m just trying to stay alive holy shit

I hate feeling so incompetent in my personal life especially because I’ve always put my professional life first out of like. Fear of losing it. and I KNOW this “laziness” is justified bc I’m spread so thin AND have executive dysfunction and a chronic illness but holy shit it still feels bad scoob. So fucking bad.

I think what I need to do is arrange time off work just to get this all sorted and finished but I’ve literally never taken a day off in my life so I’d feel bad and have MORE anxiety figuring out how to do it lololol ahhhhhhhh

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

Pmd9: Wolf Moon '24: Update;

greetings all i've been taking ttime /offline/ to reflect upon my inner self its been rly helpful i will continue a little longer.. I got into this state ovr the past few months where i felt like i had to fill every empty moment w someone elses thoughts, or beautiful stimulating imagery, any time i was bored or uncomfortable i just wanted to scrooooollllll . . . i started to feel like i was losing mysedf @_@ & losing myself ON purpose, at that

lately i began to long for this feeling i felt as a teen, b4 smartphone was everywhere, when i used to jst have to like. stare at the wall for long periods or look out the window and retreat into contemplation or fantasies to occupy myself. like in the ambient moments of waiting. or if i didntwant to think that day, i wld invent a task for myself , draw, go for a walk, ask my friend to hang out, find stuff to take photos of.. the internet was at it's most fun cus it was reserved for when u had time to be at the computer so it felt like more of a treat instead of being~everything~

it kinda hit me like oh i can pretty easily feel that way again ! just got to sternly banish the phone. And let me tell u it feels reallll niiice....i been playinggg all day long tbh i been having a blast. granted my reality has improved a lot recently so its easier to disconnect, but yea i duno its like dangg things r looking up & i want to b present for this part of my life. :*

its freaky how even holding the phone is so addicting?? does anyone else have that? i have rly restless hands so i noticed them searching for that thingy to hold. like i dont even think usning the internet is That harmful its just better left to computer-moments. i dont plan on ever stopping posting cus i looove posting i just cant b so *online* rn i cant b as engaged w "feeds" im burnt outtt

even after just a few days break i feel my thougts flowing better, a lot more true to me, i remember why i luv working on my stuff :+)

Soo lets see, some stuff i been up tooo ummm: i DEEP CLEANED my room / rearranged for better feng shui, added new pages to my website, work on music every day, yoga every day, started figure drawing class(!!), going strong w herbal tea regiment, joirnalling.. playing acnl evry night ^^ talking to my mom and grandma a lot which has been rly sweet and new for me. oh & pochita's eyes healing up perfect after her surgery a few weeks ago~~

thats pree much all the update i have for now.. tldr need to get serious about making sure my thoughts r my own & keeping grounded in reality. hope everyone having a pleasant full moon's experience tonight ^^ Since its Wolf's Moon maybe try howling at it..

Yours Truly,

-Pink_Moon_Doll_9_Shih_Tzu_9

P.S. today in the wolf moon yoga video i did she talked about how the most successful wolf packs r the packs that r most diverse..a pack where everyone has their own unique skills so they can come together to help each other in any situation. U dont got to b like everyone else, just lean into being the best version on YoU ^^ thought it was a sweet sentiment to contemplate over this moon. <3

[predoom]

ohoneohone

Sunday, October 9th, 2005 7:38 pm sometimes its hard to remember the great moments. but you remember everything to a detail the moment everything goes wrong. your ims are crazy: i am still not dead or married. im bringing home on the road.

silly. never ccccchhhhange. 12:12 pm you could almost make me an honest man. what i have spent the weekend thinking:

good friends in nyc sometimes my eyes are red and green but not like christmas. just kind of a mess. even when the worlds underwater you're rowing in my wet dreams. everything you know about me is totally wrong because it comes from choruses and camera flashes. you come in flashes in the middle of the night or in the morning. fix me in fourtyfive. everything she thinks you know about me is totally wrong because i can't say anything i mean ever. i say things just to hurt you. i get the job done but it doesn't look pretty. Saturday, October 8th, 2005 12:24 am you win some, you lose some sometime you wake up in the morning and everything is just different. moodcontroller gets turned off. probably on by someone else. the bottom of my pants are wet from running through puddles. the streets of albany got let in on some of my secrets. swoon. its weird how when you stand next to the sun you cant notice anything else. then the lights go out and all of a sudden there is beauty everywhere. im always too little, too late. one day everyone finds something they can hang on to. the bottom line is im all wishes and luck. and thats how its always been. in the tides of the streets. dreaming about beautiful babies. with batting eyelashes and huge eyes. we were never supposed to know. im the golden boy. you are my golden ticket. but the tides always going out. and two months turns into two years. in the blink of an eye. youre never home. the stars look the same from the gutter. pens running low just to keep up with the tolerance. ive got big plans for new years. and thats a way off but its the only way to keep my mind off of the way things go. just know "you're not the lifeforce" pete and thats what keeps heartsbeating at night. i only thought you were someone else. a simple case of mistaken identity. romantic fraud. new york city. im always on.

Wednesday, October 5th, 2005 4:40 pm hateitorloveit-theunderdogisbackontop sickest afterparty in newyorkcity. hopefully i can fly a friend or two in so i dont hide out in the corners all night. nick thinks my lj entries have been kinda wack lately. i can't say i dont agree. i am a total baby. but not a baby like usher sings about. we're making some super sick limited bartskull nikes. im tired as usual. rumor of the day: i pretty much only like sxe girls. you make me laugh too much with the stuff that gets written on the internet sometimes. my life is radical sometimes. maybe ill really update this later. i dont even know. congratulations to panic at the disco for having the sickest first week numbers ever. that band is the new everything. late at night thats pretty much what i have to listen to or i dont feel okay. this morning i got a strange phonecall to end a strange dream. bane.

Tuesday, October 4th, 2005 9:22 pm "someday we'll be nostalgic for this second..." im tired. red thread. baby blues. im a mess. lovable, not that likeable. lemme hum you a sweet one. i know ive been in a rut. the underdogs back on top. im writing this story. but i wouldnt bet on the ending. sometimes this thing has become too big to even think about. but sometimes i wake up in the morning and it feels like something is missing. youknowyouknow.

6:57 pm

the secret to my suckcess pinchme. dear friends, you let me fall off. i forgive you though. if you forgive me. i am out of my head. me and nick have cooked up the sickest idea ever. i am writing a movie with patrick. my tummy hurts most of the time. major disappointment, reporting for duty. wtf. sometimes OMG! i heart the drama. sometimes OMG! i do not. like emeralds just past the sun- green but not the sick inside more like the film warming up to you. the camera is waking up. little boys and girls- get up. the trouble has lifted. youre gonna be okay. "tell me that you're alright". i like wearing your clothes. they are like a bulletproof vest. mostly i miss my friends and chicago. i want to bring you all out on the road.

"...idonthavetobethekingoftheworld, as long as im..."

peace out. i need to take a nap and eat some icecream. i bought nicholas scimeca a present. im tired. act suprised, even if you're not. fake the words. say i love you hard like you hate me. Saturday, October 1st, 2005 4:48 pm life on mars by david bowie reminds me of you the dreams i have for me are just for us. i am not sure i even know what this means. the pros and con are the same. legs tangled. its the kid you loved forever. i got a feeling what they're all saying. under the spotlight you think about the inside of wedding rings. in dark bunks you think about the inside of zippers. make me yours. make me come to life. honestly. black hair and batted eyelashes. dont give up im not sure where this is all going. right on reds and at altars. thinking about the way you are with the little pudgy boy. im getting this sweet tat. she knows what im talking about.

[n3v3r-trust-th3-living]

It's of ourse sad seeing beetlejuice leave broadway,but all good things must come to an end one day and it was bound to happen, of course we prolly rather it be later than sooner.

I've been mostly working and keeping to myself but keeping myself updated with the tag and the musical and watching everything close and everyone say goodbye makes me incredibly emotional but im excited for the future of the tour and different productions after as well as possible future beetlejuice media. The tour is coming to my local theater and im incredibly excited to see it with my friend/roomate and making sure to save for seats and merch.

Were of course gonna see the fandom dwindle and die down more than it has because understandably there's no new media of beetlejuice out like before the musical and unfortunately because of precious fandom drama which I deeply regret taking part in. Shifting interests is definitely normal though and even happens to me even earlier in the fandom with some other special interests and hyperfixiations I've had, but I still love beetlejuice so much the musical, movie, and cartoon and despite fandom bullshit in the past the musical has made me so happy and reignited my love for one if my favorite films and my favorite t*m burton film.

Beetlejuice and of course beetlelands means so much to me and i love the musical for also helping me discover beetlelands one if my all time favorite ships and definitely influenced my artistically and made me realize i have a type when it comes to shipping(lol) even though lately I haven't really been able to draw or write much of anything due to personal reason including working alot and to put it lightly being in a slump but beetlelands has given so many ideas for aus and stories abd made me want to write again amongst other things because of my love for all the beetlejuice stories abd how long Beetlejuice has been in my life. And even despite fandom bullshit i appreciate all those things and the good memories i do have of the fandom and making beetlejuice art and stories,etc.

With that being said I really do miss making Beetlejuice art and stories including for all my au's since its a personal favorite hyperfixiation of and special interest of mine and I never really got to do a lot of art and writing of stories i wanted to tell and since its a personal favorite I still have many ideas rattling around in my brain that i'd love to share with anyone who's interested. I've been telling myself I wanted to draw and write for beetlejuice for a while now but in general just have been in a bad me tal place and just not happy with anything I make on top of life with work and other stresses. I cant promise im gonna update this blog very soon but im definitely gonna be here updating with with beetlejuice stuff like my writing, art, etc.

Since Beetlejuice is something that makes me personally happy and has been a favorite of mine for a big part of my life. Due so personal reasons as well its been a little hard to make anything beetlejuice related in the past few months as well een though I really wanted to. Im planning to rewrite and redo some aus, i have some new au ideas abd plenty of stories to tell here in my little Beetlejuice corner so if you're interested ill always be here, maybe alot sometimes I am trying to update stuff more here an make stuff for beetlejuice and beetleands, mostly for myself because it makes me happy but I'm happy when people like my beetlejuice art, writing, au, ideas, etc. And I do really appreciate the few people coming to this blog who like what I post I promise im not ignoring you I've just been burned out emotionally in to many ways and not been the best mentally in a while and I've felt terrible talking about things i was gonna draw/write and not doing it for a long time, not even just for beetlejuice but other fandoms.

And if adults in the fandom want to talk or ask about any of my aus and Beetlejuice stories, have requests, or want to talk beetlejuice or beetlelands my ask box is open I love exchanging ideas, art,stories, roleplaying, etc. I also have my main and a few other fandom blogs here on Tumblr and other sites I'll be on as well if anyone is interested.

Im mainly in a small corner here making my own beetlejuice art that makes me happy though and I do have many things id like to update here including my beetlelands songs of the day au, art, and even some fics when i can get the guts to actually write lol but I've been wanting to put my beetlejuice aus is different forms including trying my hand at writing fics again. I welcome anyone who's interested in that here but this is really mostly for my and what makes me happy and im not interested in any petty fandom drama or fighting tho I just like to mame stuff about my blorbos. Since this is also a general fandom blog for spooky Henry Selick and to a very lesser extent T*m Burton stories and I had previously planned to do a extended universe au type deal there with be other spooky fandoms here like corpse bride, nightmare before christmas, coraline, and even wendell and wild. And any other spooky things related that make me happy so if you're interested I'll be here so stay tuned, and goodbye Beetlejuice broadway! You've been a great part of my life and made me love Beetlejuice even more I look forward to the future of the actors of the musical, the musical when it tours especially when I can see it, and the future of Beetlejuice in general, and eve the possible future of the fandom like hopefully new fans discovering Beetlejuice and old fans re-descovering it or even fans of one of the Beetlejuice medias discovering the other.💜🖤💚🕷

[stupidthoughtsinwriting]

hello hello! I have risen from the depths of hell also known as school 🤣 i have just came back to Tumblr, how's everything been?? i'm not really updated to the fics you've been up to huhu. if it's fine, could we get an updated list of your wips?🥺 and was wondering if your going to make She Used to be Mine a series or only a part two? really excited for your future fics! <3

Wow! First of all, Welcome back love. I may know a thing a two of that current hell eheheh. Second, Wow thank you for asking, i want to say its been fine lately but there are my moments😊.

now eheheh a list of my wips... of course its absolutely fine but the amount may be alarming ehehhehe. The number of things i havent finished...

you have been warned btw but here is what i have got going on... some btw havent been worked on in months

for Loki The series are...

Delicate

You don't know me

The little prince

and i have a thing going on with one-shots that kind off connect together

The one shots

Don't leave me. I'll stay. (currently working on)

A dream is a wish your heart makes

Last Wishes

Flower theif

You cant lie to me now

and a sleipnir fic where its how loki had sleipnir

for Tom

I have that series i have with an oc

a one shot called cross roads where the y/n and tom break up

then a series for that one shot years later with an oc

and heres where i get lazy ehehhe

the next few are just thoughts and stuff i started but never finished

The Treason fic with adam lawrence

I have a series i though for ransom

a series for steve rogers

a second part for the sherlock fic

Now for stephen.. My initial plan for SUTBM was a what if kinda approach where it ends in different scenarios, so its a lot of one shots where it ends differently each time. Now i have the next part of She Used to be Mine nearly half done but im working on it. sorry for the delay.

Now it is kind of a series, its just one scenario has different endings whenever i have an idea

jesus i dont make sense eheheh😆😅😅

but thank you for asking, i dont really get asked much of what i do and for someone to be really interested in something i made is just lovely😊

im glad your excited love, im definitely working on it but just knowing someones awaiting my work is just really motivatingly lovely

my second term just ended so i still have some free time until a workload is thrown my way so im working on it

Thank you again and im not even sure if you got what you asked for so ehehehe sorry about that but thanks

(honestly how you lot understand let alone tolerate me is amazing so thank youu)

-T💚😊

[squashwurmz]

ent. 3

today is monday, september 9, 2024. pretty boring day if you ask me.

things at home have been good, which is a relief. i am more relaxed and no longer dread the end of school.

at school is another story. i love my friends, trust me, but god i cant take it anymore. all they do is complain to me. i don't know what about me makes them want to, but it's all i hear and im so sick of it. i already have to try so hard to find joy in the daily things, and now you have go come shit on everything to ME. leave me alone!!! damn!!! of course they're always open to vent about stuff, but on a daily basis it's so exhausting and tires me out so much.

what hurts me even more is realizing they don't really give two shits about me. i know it's on me to communicate, but nobody ever takes me seriously. it's whatever.

i decided not to go to hoco this year since tickets are... wait for it... now $140!! are you yolking me rn. i could go to a concert for that kinda money. my friend from another school is going to come over and smoke while our other friends go. definetly feeling the fomo on that one, but i know we'll have a good time.

i began my first piece for my portfolio so yay!!! i have to refine my inquiry but i've been putting it off lololol. it's due wednesday soooo i gotta lock in. speaking of wednesday im going to some random concert with my other friend!! she's paying for my ticket since she just wants company and i have no idea who tf the artist is :P just hoping to have fun!!

oh and some other awkward news! im pretty sure a freshman in my 1st period is eyeing me which is kinda weird since im a junior. not into that! he's cool but like.. i believe in if the grades don't touch, you don't touch lmfaoaoa. just gonna distance myself :P

anyways, life has been pretty mediocre lately. a lot better than what was before! im trying to ween off my caffeine dependence so i'll keep you updated on that! also if you have any tips to pull AGE APPROPRIATE hoes pls lmk ;D i have never had a bf and am wondering what the hype is!! thanks, bye!!!!

[myinnerocean]

07.February 2024

Hello. Here i am again.

First i wanna say thank you for the words in your last post. I saved your words extra on my phone. They touched me and made me feel better. It didnt sound like dumb motivational shit, it sounded smart. And i will try to remember.

Those times are weird and lately i feel overwhelmed handling myself. Mostly i dont feel anything at all. I used to say im a cry baby but ive realized some months ago that i just dont cry anymore. I didnt cry in months, instead i feel nothing all the time and that just sucks as much.

Last weekend something happened that made me really sad again, which has to do with my sex struggles lol , i think ive told at some point about it. However, i am stuggling since a long time then and long story short i wanted to try again and ended up feeling fear, tension and cried after it. So it made me sad again and i hate myself for that, because it has nothing to do with Lars. Ugh. I just said sorry to him and didnt want to talk about it.

On monday i went to my doctos and got me a krankmeldung for the whole week because of depression shit. Ive been thinking about that for the last months, but then actually went to work. But my last shifts were kinda awful. I cant concentrate, i am always somewhere else in my head and i feel like everything is too much. That why i decided to just call in sick this week.

Now is wednesday which means tomorrow is thursday. On Thursday ive got my therapy appointment and i look forward to it. Dont worry, i would not stop going there. Even though it can be scary, i started to like her and shes the only person bringing a little bit of sense into my mind stuff. She wants me to go to a stationary treatment and waits for my green light lol. The waiting list is months long anyway, but because i would have to open up at work about it, i didnt decide for it yet.

Last week she also said it would be probably better if i come twice a week, because i need some time to get warm in sessions and i think it would be good to. We will see if i will have the strength to communicate that tomorrow lol, i just hope she gets back to that so i can just say oki hahah.

So ye, thats the update. I wanna do all the things you do too Joi, i really do. I just dont have the energy atm. I cant even organize the littelst shit atm. My flat is a mess, every grocery shopping feels like a bootcamp and i just feel like laying and rotting away. It kinda sucks right now and idk how to get out of it. The only times i feel better is at the weekend, when i do party and drugs. IK thats not okay and contra produktive, but if it werent for it, i would really rot away. Im trying.

[baekhvuns]

hi, sunbae! how have you been?

its 2 am in my timezone and i cant sleep so i'll be doing a quick update on how things have been around here since it has been some time. not sure if you or anyone around baekhvyunsville would want to know, tho. no rush to read and answer me, okay?

my last uni period was tough. i had to work hard, but the toughest part of it was dealing with how i treat myself academically bc i was always the smart-kid-with-the-greatest-grades in school but uni's different, so i always want to be the best in everything. perfeccionism sucks, and im learning how to deal with it.

in this note, we had so many talks about the genocide in uni (i double major in human sciences and other subject) and it's v curious how the western midia puts so much effort in talking ab hamas but not even half of it is used to speak about how much innocents israel murders every day. it's been hard to cope and the fact there's not much i can do from far is the worst.

i have been writing some stuff here and there. i posted a hwa one shot some months ago and im really eager to share it with you, but (1) i dont think the timing is apropriate for it and also (2) in the moment i share the link with u i'll not be an anon anymore... and it kind of tames the magic for me... but i like to think i'll still get to be you hoobae, even if not in anon form anymore,,, right?

im starting this year with the goal of trusting myself and the process more, and to deal better with my perfeccionism and anxiety issues. i really want to get better in it, and i hope you (and everyone around here) get enough strength to make all your new years resolutions come true.

happy 2024! see you anytime :)

-hoobae anon

hello!!! long time no anon!!

its 2 am in my timezone and i cant sleep so i'll be doing a quick update on how things have been around here since it has been some time. not sure if you or anyone around baekhvyunsville would want to know, tho. no rush to read and answer me, okay?

hello!!! long time no see, hope you’re well & a happy new year!!! & i apologize for the lateness of this ask ofc anytime id wanna know whatever u have going on <3 i have been well, hope u had a good sleep the day sent this ask 😭

my last uni period was tough. i had to work hard, but the toughest part of it was dealing with how i treat myself academically bc i was always the smart-kid-with-the-greatest-grades in school but uni's different, so i always want to be the best in everything. perfeccionism sucks, and im learning how to deal with it.

slow steps, baby steps will take you to your destination. university really humbles everyone, i also can relate about the last semester being abnormally tough, idk what it is about fall semester that everything is just hard,,, im glad ur learning how to deal with it, it’ll take time but you’ll get there! c’s also get degrees is my motto for uni it really gets me through fbmwhdksjcjc also idk if it’s the same from wherever you’re from but academically your last two years at the uni is where one should aim for their best bc that’s what employers look at / grad school!

in this note, we had so many talks about the genocide in uni (i double major in human sciences and other subject) and it's v curious how the western midia puts so much effort in talking ab hamas but not even half of it is used to speak about how much innocents israel murders every day. it's been hard to cope and the fact there's not much i can do from far is the worst.

i think all of that + studying all while having this guilt of constantly seeing death and suffering and injustice and privilege really took a toll on a lot of ppl academically,, (i remember being more worried abt the journalists (motaz 😭) not updating than my tests) tho i still am, the fact that everything we do is a privilege. it really reached to point where id be doing tests but my minds all about gaza and thinking how their universities r no longer existing,,, the last part truly, i understand exactly what you mean.. unfortunately the only thing we can do is rigorously spread the word, boycott and keep praying for them

i like to think that when all of this is over, when it’s time to rebuild palestine. people all over the world will come and give their hand to support. i keep having this image where different professions from different countries will fly to palestine to rebuild it, from buildings to houses and more to treasure the country & that is what i truly pray for every night

i have been writing some stuff here and there. i posted a hwa one shot some months ago and im really eager to share it with you, but (1) i dont think the timing is apropriate for it and also (2) in the moment i share the link with u i'll not be an anon anymore... and it kind of tames the magic for me... but i like to think i'll still get to be you hoobae, even if not in anon form anymore,,, right?

oooooo!!!! im eager to read it actually!! something to distract my mind away with. you know what you’re right, if you’re comfortable with letting go of the anonymity send an ask either on anon or off and ill keep it priv. the moment you share it with me, the wall will break and ill know who you are which!! is exciting!!! ofc!! we can absolutely be, ill keep the ask or the link you sent priv while you can keep messaging as hoobae anon on baekhvuns!! but ofc, if you’re comfortable with it, only then share or if u have a creative way to share it i guess, alls on u!

im starting this year with the goal of trusting myself and the process more, and to deal better with my perfeccionism and anxiety issues. i really want to get better in it, and i hope you (and everyone around here) get enough strength to make all your new years resolutions come true.

as you should! i hope this year is academically and financially better / good for everyone and yourself! i hope you all gain lots of strength and happiness this year and be healthy and create a lot of memories. i hope all your pain and suffering and ancestral curses go to the instreal z*onists <3

wishing u a very happy new year and a very happy and successful 2024 ahead 💓 i truly hope you and everyone having a hard time finds solitude and joy in the small things 💓

[angeltuesday]

Stories that I have been and still am utterly obsessed with

An in posterity list of all the fics that have caused me to read on buses, not study and take extra long walks to think about.

The Life and Times by Jewels5 - The one the only. Opened the flood gates. A religious experience and the first fan fiction I ever read. Theres just something magical about it.

And the Wolves All Cry by monroeslittle - All i can say is I started this at night during dissertation season, read it on the bus to the library and for hours at the library, then gave up before even opening my dis and went home to keep reading.

The Bet by @smileyjily  - j'adore. so so many great themes, games and side characters. Marlene’s articles have a spacial place in my brain.

An Unhealthy Fixation With Aurors by Oynnej - An A* plot and the most badass Lily Iv come across.

What Are You Doing To Me? by @tiffanytoms - Had me in a chokehold. Would cheek updates daily. Perfect ratio of smut, angst, mystery and fluff.

Stay Here Tonight by monroeslittle - Every single thing Monroeslittle writes in insanely good. Muggle Lily and wizard James au

Sunshine in My Eyes by monroeslittle - Same applies. James and Lily are childhood friends. Another Lily being incredibly badass story.

Love and Other Tragedies by Fancyeyes - Fantastic plot, strong Lily and one of the best oc’s ever created.

All Over Again by Lili Evans dotcom - Cant really remember but there was an epic twist and if something makes me cry it makes the list.

We Used to be Friends by baguette2016 - I love Jily and Veronica Mars is my favourite TV show. 

Among Her Least Favorite People by NajwaBarlaam - The first half of this just did something to me (I love pain apparently) I didn’t love where the second half went and maybe thats why I obsessively thought of other ways it could have gone.

Runaway Love by WhtChoc - I think I had just read one too many sweet canon stories and this was a shock to the system that rocked me. Very different from the usual Jily. Less a Jily story more just a story

If We Never Meet Again by thequibblah - I was in a fanfic slump and thought that maybe I had just read everything I was going to like when I stumbled across this and read it until it got light.

One shots/drabels 

Filthy by knapsackparachute - I want more. Smut with moral quandary?...

Vindicated by @missgryffin - I Want MORE. A* plot and second chance jily.

the stones that slow your feet by @argyledpenguin aka Monroselittle -  If its not already clear I am in love with everything she writes.

Let's do something you're not supposed to by Oynnej - all of Oynnej’s stuff in quickly fun.

Tempestuous by Jasu - Cant super put my finger on it but I read it then forgot the name and then spent an hour trying to find it so it must have had a something something to it.

WIP’s 

Secret Keeper by missgryffin - Im currently obsessed with, the one im checking up on compulsively and waking up to read when the notifications comes in late at night.

and all the pieces fall by - @downn-in-flames Had to google synonyms for obsessed: hounded, tormented, consumed and bedevilled.

These Cruel Delights by @chiechie97 - I grew up in fashion and its fun to see a world I know + the chemistry is hot.

Come What May by @cesays - More synonyms beguiled and bewitched. A Moulin Rouge au

Controlled Addiction by @hogwartslivy - Love the concept, imagery and drama.

to love, softly by @theesteemedladydebourgh - Only two chapters but Im hooked

Eternal Summer by missgryffin - So fun to see a Hogwarts fic where they are actually a couple and not just the build up.

Tiny Miracles by Chiechie97 - Love me a surprise baby

Stories from other ships that are too good not to include 

The Fallout by Everythursday- No words, one of my favourite things ever written, ever! I could go on for days about how brilliant it is but I but also couldn’t t because id cry. I didn’t ship dramione before reading it and I still don’t really but I ship everythursday’s version INTENSELY.

Have Heart, My Dear by monroeslittle - Hunger Games au

I dreamed you a sin (and a lie) by monroeslittle - The 100 mafia au with undercover Bellamy and Clark

Love is Not a Whisper (or a weakness) by monroeslittle - The 100 au

[lettersformiah]

9:37am, 7 jul

hey bubs. only two days of placement! lets go. in my head its friday but its not and im so sad about it. i was late again hehehe i always am though bc i have no sense of urgency bc its fucking school. only late by like a halfa (or technically an hour if you count acg) but yeah i woke up and was like non and then woke up at like 8:15? but yeah. got the 9:25 bus and the worker people who do the stop and go signs had to stop them so i could cross the road hehehe. they were very very nice. the construction, i learnt, is on a power line. dont know what happened there but hopefully it gets fixed soon. had glimpse of us stuck in ym head this morning so ive just been listening to it on repeat. i keep having to sign in at the office so mrs copley doesnt come for me about being truant hehe but how many times can i go there in a week and press the silly buttons about missing my bus or family or sleeping in. its literally a game to me to just fucking press whatever button i see first. getting out of french next period! or at least half of it because im gonna hang out with hannah. none of my friends know im here but theyve also stopped texting me asking where i am so im glad they are just like eh she will get here when she gets here. i dont know what to say to hannah. what do i talk about. i feel like i cant be as open with her as id liek and i know thats so detrimental but like,, ive never been good at being 100% honest with my counselors and stuff so! idk. maybe i just talk about internals and your parents and you obvs and then?? idk job stuff and my dad? and my sister. i dont know i guess i have a lot to say just as an update to my life. also! sorry for falling asleep last night bubba, i know you werent home and its a bit of a mb. its very very sweet of you to stay on call though bubba. makes me so happy :*] even tho rn joji is making me so sad bro like. :'[ oh! geo is actually due first week term 2 ^^ im happy about that bc then i can do it while i wait around for u to be done with uni. but yeah! the reliever :l told me that she wants as much as she can get from us tomorrow but to have all of it done over the holidays. which is nice for me bc then i can do the excellence stuff and get everything done. im so glad. i love mrs haggart sm hehehe shes a banging teacher fr and i hope i get her next year. bio will um be something. maybe he will say just to get it done by tomorrow which i can do all of it tn. and i can write my english! im so fucking happy with it. like smh and my writing isnt amazing by any means, but i found a nice system and sparknotes is like helping me so much so i owe my grade to them for deadass just giving me quotes and themes. i love the internet bro. imagine if i had to do it all from my own fucking brain. id be so pressed. but yeah! i dont know what the last two texts are gonna be but ill just search around sparknotes for some stuff and just randomly search novels ive read in my life. maybe i will actually do the maze runner, surely its on there yk? my nose is all sniffly bubba >:( the outside is pretty chilly and geo is warm as. the temperature difference being a bitch to my poor poor nose. so dog hehe but yeah! idk bubba. i love you! geo will be over in a second so this was just a teeny update on my morning and all that. i love you sm and thank u for everything. mwahmwhamwahwmah

talk soon

-mads<3

[thesolotomyhan]

a/n: ive been rewatching narcos mexico to get back in the mood and here we are mis amores! so this turned into i guess what you would call dating them would include hc? but yah-anyways here we go i hope you enjoy :(

taglist: @fandomnerd16 @visintaes @sheeshgivemeabreak @artemiseamoon @all-tings-diego @umvirgo @redhairedace

let me know if you want to be added!

Warnings: a touch of NSFW!

OK BUT CAN I JUST SAY THE OLD MIGUEL GIVES ME SUCH INNOCENT FUCKING VIB ES

LIKE?? THE PERFECT HUSBAND WHO CHERISHES YOU WITH LITTLE DETAILS AND KISSE S- im SObbing

because i just know its obvious pre narco miguel is such a different vibe than the miguel angel we all know- literally 2 different persons you feel??

and like i get the feeling it would be this amor sincero where he would bring you a ramo de flores every time he possibly can because he knows stuff like that makes you happy and just-

nothing beats the feeling of taking the little money he has left over to make you smile the best way he knows how,, by trying to give you the world with little presents and such-

just trying to be as detallista as much as he can,, needing a way to show you how much he loves you :(

and i dont know why i get hardcore aesthetics of him coming home every day,, whistling a little tune and walking into your home with him to the smell of your cooking-

him coming up behind you,, holding your back into his chest, his arms wrapping around you as he kisses your shoulder and neck like- “ya te llegue, mi amor”

WOw,, all while hes rocking both of your bodies side to side,, your small laugh filling up the room and his heart :( its so fucking domestic i CRY

or get this,, maybe on some days him drowning you in besitos,, picking you up and twirling you around like perhaps that time aviles allowed him to go to guadalajara or the time rafas weed grew in the backyard-

:(( just him being all excited,, that hes finally getting his foot in the door to give you a better life hes always dreamed of giving you :( i cant

since we’re on this subject i just feel like hes always promising you that he’s going to give you the world one day,, take you to places you deserve to go and just treat you like a reina

im soft at the thought of him praying for diosito so that day can come sooner

especially when he comes home late at night, when you already fell asleep or him not being able to sleep during some nights and seeing the way youre curled into him,,

like him saying hes already bendecido with you,, but he wants you to have everything in life for sticking with him and being his number one supporter :(( i need to go cry

now hear me out ok- because the old miguel would be into slow and sensual sex because i feel like he would be so passionate and i dont know why-

its always him taking all the time in the world to feel your body-

caressing his hands everywhere just to see the way you let out soft little gasps

just getting to know every inch,, kissin g down your body while your hands would be softly tangling in his hair-

im so sorry in advance but him kissing in between your thighs ?? looking up at you-

just loving the way you start to tremble before he even gets to your core,, his soft laugh whispering how fucking beautiful you look for him-

Wow i cant- him eating you out would be so soft but intense,, all of his focus would be on your clit like sucking on it gently as he moves his hands to hold your hips down - pleas e no one look at me right now

like i can feel it in my bones that he would love working his fingers inside of you too-

just this slow rhythm of his fingers pumping in and out of you as he moves up to  kiss you- drowning out your moans-

needing to make you cum at least once before hes inside of you-

just softly praising you when he watches your hips rise, your head falling back as you hold onto his shoulders,, his teeth sinking into your neck- wow i cant

but back to what i was saying because i just know he would always do these slow and deep thrusts when he has you under him-

his diosa,, bringing your legs to cling onto him holding one of your thighs,, your hands desperately scratching down his back as he thrusts into you steadily-

his groans mixing in with your whimpers when he watches your body rock with his-

im sorry but him softly chuckling down at you when he watches your eyes roll back,, your hands gripping the bedsheets when he reaches his thumb down to play with your clit- this is going to turn into smut yall im sorrY-

ok but back to where we were- the old school love?? please -

like im talking about him always taking you out during the weekends, maybe even after he comes home from work,, but just

you and him walking through the park,, holding handssss :((

sharing antojitos all the time with each other,

the two of you always having the biggest heart eyes for one another,, it never fails :(

i cant- the idea of him reminiscing a whole bunch of things with you when youre both walking around

like, “mira over there by that tree,,, we shared our first kiss there when we were plebes enamorados, te recuerdas, mi amor?” :(( and just the fucking SMILE on his face when he looks over at you :((

:( him bringing your hand up to kiss it,, his other hand holding the side of your head,, his soft lovesick fucking eyes like “nunca olvides que eres mi mundo,, desde chiquillo me traes asi mija” my :((( im getting emotional

like you two would be the couple goals and the talk of the pueblo,, los pajaritos enamorados :(

listen becasue he definitely has this picture of you always with him,, taking it with him wherever he goes,,

my heart- like him talking to it before he does something,, reminding himself that everything he does is all for you,, probably kisses it like a good luck charm :((( i-

but you know what?? also being close :) to rafa:)) as well tho:)

like that scene where rafa was so excited telling miguel angel that their sinsemilla weed grew,,

and him excitedly running into your house,, his cunada :), yelling your name that your backyard is the best thing that had happened for his weed garden :))

oh my god,, if you and miguel had kids,, rafa is going to be the favorite padrino all the time with them :(( ugh

but being best friends with him makes my heart hurt,, because youre probably always telling him before he leaves with miguel angel all the time like “cuidamelo, por favor” and rafa giving you that dumbass smile he does but reassuring you-

i can definitely see you being the person behind pushing miguel angel to tell aviles about expanding into guadalajara-

not so much because you care about the lujos he wants to give you if this works out but

more so because you can see he has a bigger passion for it instead of being a cop

so youre just always reassuring him when he asks you if youre sure about this

just telling him that he should do whatever makes him happier and that youre always going to be right there with him- :((

wow but im also so emo at the thought of him giving you little updates when he starts forming all the plazas together-

just - excitement in his voice when hes talking to you because lo esta logrando,, so close to giving you the life you deserve by his side,, playing with your picture he has in his hands i :((

i just,, old miguel is just so domestic with you i go soft everytime i see him

[caramelcal]

corrupted love.

summary: calum’s girlfriend finds out about gang!cal’s occupation in a not-so-friend way.

request: “ Hi!!! I’ve never done this so I’m a bit scared but I saw you were in search of gang/criminal aus and let’s give it a go. Could you do one with Cal getting into a fight unaware y/n was watching and unintentionally scaring her and he works trying to get her back and regaining her trust. If it’s alright, if not I completely understand I also just wanted to say I really love your writing. I’m so hooked on Fool For You it’s unreal and I cant wait for the update!! Pls and thx :) x “ IM SO SORRY I JUST REALIZED THAT YOU ASKED FOR THIS TO BE AN X READER AND I DONE AN X OC (i can redo it if you want so that it isn’t specified, i just prefer to as i can play around with their appearance and personality a little more but i will 100% redo it if you want me to)

word count: 2.7k

a/n: apologies, i am working on other fics but i got a sudden burst of inspo for this one. enjoy lovelies x 

also...y’all wanting parts after this where they reconcile? 

Her soft giggles sounded throughout the room, face lit up by only the tv her eyes were trained on, a wide but beautiful smile spread right across her face. She sat between his legs, hands in his as he softly trailed patterns on her palms.

She was solely paying attention to the tv, a random movie that Calum knew she would like, playing. He was right, mind you, she hadn’t taken her eyes away from the screen since he had pressed play, too captivated by the cartoon. However, Calum hadn’t been watching because he hadn’t taken her eyes off of her.

He pressed a soft kiss at her temple, lips trailing gently down the side of her face as she leaned closer towards him, her back against his stomach as she snuggled against him. The smile didn’t leave her face, in fact, it hardly ever did. Melanie, -or Mel as she insisted everyone called her-, was a smiley girl, much more than him. She was happy, carefree, like an angel; his angel.

Calum had never been one for romantic relationships. He was far too busy for that, but as soon as he caught eyes on Mel he knew he wanted her. He wasn’t sure what came over him, maybe it was the smile, or her carefree attitude, or the way she was so eager to help everyone in that small Disney store that she worked in. He just knew.

She was so different from him but they worked so well together. Or, at least, that’s what Calum liked to tell himself. He liked to ignore the fact that he kept so many secrets from her. It’s to keep her safe, he would tell himself but he knew that wasn’t the only reason. It was the impending fear that she would hate him, even if there wasn’t a cell in her body that could ever muster a disliking to anyone, especially him.

So he blocked out all of the thoughts. All of the ones that told him he had to tell her before she found out in a way he didn’t want her to, or before it became too late.

When the credits started to roll of the movie, Mel turned around in Calum’s lap, brown eyes meeting his as she stared up at him, kissing his lips before smiling at him. Calum stared back down at her, struggling to keep the smile off of his face as his hands held her securely by her hips.

“What’s goin’ on?” Calum questioned at the look he gave her, almost expectant as if she was waiting for him to do something.

“Movies finished.”

“I know,” Calum nodded his head at her statement, lifting a hand to brush a curl out of her face, “Pick another one.”

“I want you to pick one out. One of your movies.”

Calum went silent for a moment as she shifted back around to face the large flat-screen TV that took up a large chunk of the wall. It was significantly larger than the one that was in her and her roommate’s apartment, not that she lived there much anymore anyway.

It looked very expensive, and it was, but she never questioned it, just figuring that Calum had saved up a lot for it. Calum’s apartment was decently extravagant, but not completely in-your-face rich. Melanie had asked him on their first date what he did for a job, and although he said a bartender, which probably wouldn’t pay for all of the stuff he had, he had never done anything that would make her suspicious that he was lying.

Or maybe she was just too trusting of people.

“Alright,” Calum nodded his head as she passed the tv remote to him, “What about a gang movie? I like those.”

His eyes were trained on her face, and even though she tried to hide it, he saw the way her face clenched up slightly. His heart clenched and he started to stutter lightly, “O-Or we could watch an action film? Superheroes? I like those too. Probably more than gang movies if I’m being honest.”

“Cal.” She cut him off softly, rubbing his arm as she leaned against him, “If you wanna watch a gang movie we can watch one. I wanna see the type of stuff you like.”

The funny thing was, even though she didn’t know about the particularly dark part of his life, she knew everything else. She knew more about him than he ever cared to share with anyone. The only people that could probably rival her knowledge would be the three boys that he had known since he was a child.

“Ok,” He let out a breath of air as he clicked on one of his favorite films, holding her flushed against his chest as he tried his best to not get nervous. It was strange, how nervous he got over something as dumb as a movie with his favorite person.

Calum, admittedly, didn’t really watch the movie. He was far too bothered by the small flinches that Melanie made every time something gory or violent happened, the way that sometimes she turned around to hide in Calum’s chest, completely oblivious that the man she was using to hide from the violence was as violent as they come.

“Didn’t enjoy that much, did you baby?” Calum tried to joke lightly, trying to ease his own nerves with a joke as he looked at the girl who hugged against him. She wasn’t scared by any means, too calmed by being in her lover’s arms, but she knew she certainly wasn’t a big fan of stuff like that.

“Uhm,” She hesitated, trying to find the right words to say as a deep chuckle emitted from Calum’s chest, his hand gently running over her messy curls.

“It’s okay if you didn’t, Mel. I know you don’t like violence much.”

“Violence doesn’t solve anything. It just creates more issues and people get hurt,” She mumbled lightly as she looked up at Calum, who flashed her a tight-lipped smile.

If only she knew, he thought bitterly. If only she knew just how much violence that he caused, how many punches he threw, how many people had been sent into the hospital or even to the bottom of the river because of him. If only she knew about the crimson-stained clothes that he threw away just before she arrived that night, just in case she found it. He didn’t want that.

He didn’t want her to view him as the monster that he knew he was.

“How about we go make something?”

“Like cookies?”

He sent her a lopsided grin as he spoke, knowing from the way that her eyes lit up that cookies were going to be the only thing on her mind until they made some. Who was he to deny the gorgeous girl with the beaming smile on her face her cookies? “Why not?”

Her hand held tightly onto the whisk as she tried her best to whisk the mixture, sitting up on the counter with Calum watching her intently with a smile on his face. He could see as her arm went tired from the constant, intense whisking but she didn’t say anything, continuing to try and whisk it by herself.

“You want help there, baby?”

Her brown eyes glanced up at him, sending him a bashful smile as she rapidly held the bowl out to him, “Please.”

His arms, which had been crossed over his chest grabbed onto the bowl as he kicked himself away from the counter and closer towards the girl, muscles flexing as he began to whisk the mixture. She watched him with a small smile, admiring how he looked so perfect in a simple black t-shirt and trousers.

He was perfect. To her, he was anyway.

Soon enough, the cookies were unevenly spread out on the baking tray, due to Mel being distracted to stop Calum from eating the raw mixture. Every time that he tried, she would swat his hand with the spatula, and it was surprisingly sore for such a light hit with such an unthreatening object. They were popped in the oven -which they had forgotten to preheat- and left the two to chat, and for Calum to steal kisses in between their words.

He stood between her legs as Melanie sat up on the counter, his hands on either of her thighs, smiles on both of their faces.

“I love you, Cal,” Melanie whispered quietly, leaning in to softly press her lips against Calum’s, hands tangling in his t-shirt, playing with the soft fabric.

“I love you, Mel.”

It was beginning to become too late to tell her.

  It was almost as if Calum had this switch. A switch from where he went from being so happy and love-y with his girl, to an aggressive douchebag. Calum, if he wanted to be, could be cold, detached, and an ultimately scary human being. He was like that with most, and in fact, he was sure the only person he hadn’t been like that with was the person he loved most. 

At this current point in time, while his fist was colliding with a bruised and bloody boy, one that had very stupidly crossed the gang, he didn’t think of Melanie. It had to be the first time all day that he didn’t.

The boy in front of him was younger than him, by a few years, it seemed. Maybe eighteen, nineteen. This wouldn’t be the first time that Calum has had to deal with kids, unfortunately. Most of them far too dumb to realize what they were getting into. This one, however, he didn’t feel much remorse for since they had knowingly��been spying on the gang, to feed back the information to someone. Calum needed to find out who.

“What’re they givin’ you, Kid? How many punches to the face before you start talking?” Calum aggressively called out, grabbing the beaten kid by the collar of his shirt, pulling him towards Calum slightly, making him look the gang member right in the eyes.

The boy limply turned his head to the side, spitting out the blood that was in his mouth before he looked back at the Maori boy, mouth parting as he began to talk, coming out in a rasp, “You’re Calum Hood, right?”

“What’s it to you, Kid?” Calum spat out aggressively. He was well-known, he knew that, especially amongst that world. Of course, the kid knew who he was.

The younger boy chuckled lightly, teeth showing off the red stain that Calum had made them, “My sister really is an idiot, isn’t she?”

“Your sister got you in this mess?”

“No, but she did get into a mess,” Calum stared down at the boy, eyebrows furrowed and getting more and more annoyed by the second when he couldn’t fully decipher the boy’s words. The boy scoffed as well as he could before mumbling, “God, Mel, you’re so stupid sometimes I swear.”

It was barely a mumble, but Calum had heard her name as clear as day, eyes widening slightly in disbelief.

“What?” Calum spat out, hand curling further into a fist as he stared down at the boy for asking.

“You might not know me, Calum. But you know my sister,” The boy drawled out, a sickening smirk somehow coming onto his face, despite how bloody, bruised, and swollen it was. The boy wasn’t dangerous, far from it actually, but right now he had the upper hand against Calum, “Melanie, her name is. Fairly acquainted are you not? It’d be awkward if you weren’t, to be honest.”

That’s when it clicked, Calum’s brown eyes ghosting over the boy’s beaten face, and it became so obvious. The curls, the distinct freckles...Even though the boy was beaten, he could still see the clear similarities between the boy he had just beaten up to the girl he loved with every fiber of his being.

“What the hell do you want?” Calum said with gritted teeth, hand tightening around the boy’s collar once again.

“What do I want?” Melanie’s brother asked, “I want you to turn around, Calum.”

Calum couldn’t help the defeat he felt when he did. All the anguish, grief, and guilt rising to the surface when he saw her standing there, staring at him with tears thick in her wide eyes and a terrified expression on her face.

“Mel...” He took a step forward, but she took a step back, profusely shaking her head.

“Don’t...Don’t come near me!” She had her eyes screwed shut, back up against the door behind her as she choked on her words.

She was terrified; something Calum never wanted her to be. He had vowed to himself that he would save her from every single fear she faced but this time he couldn’t. He couldn’t save her because he was her fear.

Melanie was scared of Calum.

“Flynn?” The girl called out to her brother, eyes briefly drifting over to him before flicking back over to Calum, making sure he stayed where he was. Flynn looked at his sister, the sight of his beaten face staring back at her making her feel sick, “Go outside. Please.”

At the sound of her broken plead, Calum felt like his heart had shattered in half. The gang member, in all of his life, had never felt so much pain, so helpless in his entire life. All because of one girl.

“Melanie...Baby, please, let me explain,” Calum didn’t take another step forward, scared that it would cause Melanie to run away or to cower away from him.

“How could you do this to him?” She asked, looking up at him with tears falling down her soft cheeks. All Calum wanted to do was hold her close and kiss her tears away, to comfort her but he couldn’t. When he didn’t reply, she pushed further, “How could you do this to me?”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Mel, please understand-” Calum broke down, tears pouring out of his eyes, “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“You’re a monster, Calum.”

Melanie had never felt more betrayed. She trusted Calum, with her life. She trusted him to make her feel safe; to keep the monsters in the world away from her. But he was the biggest monster she had ever met.

Their love, which she had thought of like a fairytale, a pure, white, fruitful love that she had cherished with every part of her existence, was destroyed. Every piece of comfort she had ever felt with the boy slowly crumbling and slipping through her fingers. She loved Calum, but she couldn’t love the monster he was hiding beneath. 

Melanie leaving him in the warehouse left a hole in his heart, he had never felt so weighed down in his entire life. After everything he had been through, every person he had punched, every person he had killed, it had never brought him so much emotion. Melanie was his weakness.

He leaned against the wall of his apartment as he kicked his shoes off, blood now nowhere to be seen on his body. Michael, god forgive him, had found Calum in the warehouse after Melanie had left, and had cleaned Calum up. Calum couldn’t even think about Melanie’s brother’s blood staining his clothes, the guilt and pain eating him alive.

Coming home certainly didn’t help.

It was void of her warmth and all of her things. The apartment was empty of their love like she had never even existed in his life. The only thing that even hinted towards her existence was the keys that sat on the kitchen counter and the note. A piece of paper that had clearly been ripped out of her favorite Disney notebook. 

‘here’s your keys back’ it read in her loopy handwriting, sealed with a mostly-dried tear that had fallen from her own eyes as she wrote. 

Calum had never felt more alone in his entire life. How could he ever have allowed himself to corrupt such a pure love with his tainted heart? 

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Tony Stark’s stepkid

Tony Stark x Potts!child!reader

warnings: alcohol mention

a/n: i rushed these so bad i just wanted to post dhhshsnsna

prompt: y/n is pepper’s kiddo!

it was just you and your mom for a long time

pepper and y/n potts

she couldn’t keep up with you sometimes, too busy dealing with the manchild that was mister anthony edward stark

speaking of—

“uh, who’s this?” -tony, pointing at you

“mr. stark, i am so sorry, the school closed because some kid set fire to the science lab and i didn’t have time to find a sitter—”

“no, it’s fine, no need to apologize. hey, kid, you wanna sit in the boss’s chair? i’ll let you run the company for the day!” *cue you nodding* “sweet, would you mind that, ms. potts?”

“oh? no, not at all” *mouthing* “thank you”

“so, uh, what’s your name? no, don’t tell me: ketchup.”

*giggling* “y/n”

“no way! that was my second guess!”

tony wasn’t used to being around kids

he had no idea that he was actually kind of good around them

despite a few minor hiccups

“you sit in my chair and im gonna spin you around, sound like fun?”

he spun you around WAY too fast and you were diiiiizzy, also you fell off the chair

“don’t tell your mom that we did that. she may be my assistant, but she scares the shit out of me. also, don’t say ‘shit’”

dude he just thought you were a cool kid!!!

“hey, you know, ms. potts, you dont really need to hire a babysitter anymore. y/n’s doing just fine hanging out here”

“how am i not surprised you befriended an actual child?”

she still took him up on his offer, you seemed pretty happy

when your mom worked late, you passed out in tonys office

tony and you had your own little secrets (like falling off the spinning chair), tony showed you around stark tower, and you practically lived there

“i got you a happy meal from mcdonalds!” -tony every day after your school

in all honesty, you weren’t the “popular” kid at school...not even close

but tony made up for it

“y/n! i found this old racecar toy in a box of old stuff, you wanna hold onto it for me?”

you kind of grew up in stark tower tbh? it was pretty cool

and as you grew up, you started to notice more

“mr. tony, do you have a crush on my mom?”

“do i what? no, no, i do—who the hell am i kidding? you caught me”

“called it!”

after that you did everything to try and get them together

when your mom was talking to tony, you would stand behind her and wiggle your eyebrows and just taunt tony endlessly

no! tony cannot remember your mom’s birthday for the life of him! you are his calendar now

“dude, why dont you just ask JARVIS to remind you?”

“i may be a genius, but that doesn’t mean i have common sense”

“wise words, sir” -JARVIS

when tony disappeared for 3 months you were so sad???? like you were not okay at all

no

and when he came back, he literally exited the plane saying “WHERE’S ‘T-POTT??’”

(your wonderful nickname. ‘t’ for ‘tony jr.’ and ‘pott’ for ‘potts’)

“my mom missed you”

“oh, i bet she did”

“you turned my child into you, tony. i will never forgive you for this”

“well, at least y/n was here to fill in for me, huh?”

tony wanted to show you the arc reactor but he was actually afraid of scarring you lmfaoooo

but he did let you in on the iron man secret (he knew you wouldn’t snitch)

and just to make sure:

“if you dont tell anyone, i’ll buy you a car when you turn 16”

“man, that’s like, forever away”

“good, maybe you’ll forget by then”

ur mom kinda maybe sorta found out abt iron man :/ she told you that tony was a bad influence

“mom! no, tony’s cool! he’s like a superhero”

“no, sweetie, he’s a rich guy with issues. we’re leaving”

that didn’t last long

not long at all

and soon they FINALLY got together

“jeez, i thought you two would never stop pining after each other”

“couldnt have done it without my wingman” -tony *fistbump*

“as thanks can i have my own iron man suit?”

“yes.” *pepper glaring at him* “no.”

sooner or later your mom and you moved into tony’s house and you got a really big room!!!!

it was completely decked out

king sized bed, flatscreen tv, mini-fridge, microwave, computer, your own bathroom with a smaller tv, a poster of tony??? (you vandalized it and put it in his workshop), and more!!!

okay you were spoiled

“do you like it here? are you sure i made the right choice?” -pepper

“are you kidding, mom? this is awesome! plus, you’re happy, i’m happy, tony’s happy, i think JARVIS is even happy!”

“i am, mx. potts. simply ecstatic” -JARVIS

pepper was really happy!! it was a pretty cool family

you started giving your school tony’s number if you ever got in trouble, you knew he’d cover for you

“mr. potts, is it?”

“sure”

“your child, y/n, punched another student in the face today. we’re very disappointed in their behavior”

“why’d they punch the kid?”

“well, the other student punched y/n first”

“HAH! thank you for wasting my time. send y/n back to class and call me back if something important comes up”

he literally gave you a high five when you got home

“i gave him a black eye!”

“i couldn’t be more proud. i mean, i dont condone violence, but self defense is a whole other story”

a little help in the workshop, tony asks you to hold the flashlight

“why don’t you get one of your robots to hold this for you?”

“are you kidding me, you’re complaining? we’re having stepdad/stepkid bonding time! and dum-e can’t do anything right, i dont trust him”

youve had a few theme park trips as a family ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

also tony has 100% told you to wait in the car and then left you alone for 2+ hours

“i’m not like a regular dad, im a step-dad. want some beer? you can have a little sip. i’d rather you do it in the house”

your mother actually does love how he actually cares about you!

“y/n is 12% my responsibility” -tony

“tony, you are impossible” -pepper

no avengering for you! pepper said no!!!!!!

disappointed but not surprised

iron man 3: y/n potts is put through the wringer

Text Message to Mr. Tony: bro you better come get your girl, me and happy are watching this other guy flirting with her. he’s showing her pics of his ‘big brain’

Mr. Tony: HE WHAT

Text Message to Mr. Tony: Tony he looks creepy i don’t want him to be my new stepdad do something!!!

anyways ur house kinda blew up and ur mom and you kinda got kidnapped and u were right abt that guy being creepy and thankfully no experiments were done on you but like your mom kinda almost died and her and tony were fine!!! all good in the end

you met mr. col. james rhodes that day

“aw, you’re the kid ive heard so much about” -rhodey

“you mean the coolest kid in the world?check.”

“you cant tell me you aren’t tony’s biological child, good god”

you got to meet the avengers later on too! (you’d already met natasha tho, only briefly)

“i know it can be a little overwhelming, right? meeting all these heros, legends even—” -rhodey

“oh, my god, is that thor? thor!!” -you, leaving rhodey in the dust

literally why does pepper trust you around tony something always goes wrong there were literally robots attacking, you were only at avengers tower bc your mom was busy with the company and she thought you’d be safe with the avengers. the AVENGERS.

“please dont tell your mom that i created a bad robot that tried to kill us. the robot will be the least of our problems” -tony

he made happy pick you up and you had to miss out on FUN and it sucked a lot

“it’s okay, y/n! i’m fun, too!” -happy

then your mom and tony took a break and your life got mega-boring for a while, but they weren’t separated for that long. you try not to think about it. it was brutal

Mr. Tony: Does she miss me?

New Message to Mr. Tony: I think so. Either that or she’s crying and drinking wine in the dark for no reason.

Mr. Tony: Damn it, now I feel bad. I miss her a lot. Oh, also, the Avengers say ‘hi,’ I’m in Germany with some bad news, I’ll explain later if you don’t see it on TV first, and I found you the perfect friend! His name is Peter and I think you’d like the school he goes to, it’s in Midtown. Smart kid school.

New Message to Mr. Tony: I’ll look into it, thanks. Also, I don’t like how those all connect. Please update me asap

watching the news to see several avengers arrested, cap on the run, and more!

“maybe it was good i didn’t fall in with the avengers”

tony and pepper finally got back together and you actually transferred to midtown high! peter and his friend group accepted you quickly, it was great. you and flash unfortunately had the most in common

you’d literally text happy right next to peter and he’d immediately reply to you. it hurt peter’s feelings

Momma: Sweetie! I’m working in the office late, leftovers are in the fridge, hope you have a wonderful day at school! 💕

👉👈the vulture tried to kill you for being tony’s stepkid, tony made peter promise to protect you

“y/n, you gotta stay out of harm’s way. mr. stark gave me an actual mission and it’s terrifying, i have to make sure you stay safe”

legit why the fuck was this old man tryna kill you bro grow up

anyyyywayssss your mom and tony got engaged!!

“wow, i thought the day would never come!!” -you

ppl told you tony isnt your stepdad bc ur mom and him werent married but who tf asked

why is the earth always in fucking danger

you and peter were just vibing on the field trip bus and all the sudden: space donut

“go! i’ll cover for you...FRIDAY, call tony”

“...hi there, little one”

“what the fuck”

“oh, so you see the aliens, too? well, at least im not crazy”

tony stark has left the atmosphere

you and your mom were kinda......not chillin tho

she and you didn’t sleep for a few nights, then ppl just straight up disappeared

plot twist: you survived the snap and your family was lucky to be alive, you even got a little sister who became a big handful!

only bad thing was all your friends dusted and you were pretty lonely

but watching morgan grow up kept you busy

“ahhh, shes so big!”

happy times in bad times

bad times!!!!! bc after five years thanos came back as thanos from like ten years ago. outdated thanos. obsolete thanos.

but you made your first and only appearance in the suit tony actually designed for you many years ago

you should have just stayed home tho bc that fight didnt pass the vibe check

“please dont tell me he...no, no, no, no, no”

you and your mom latched onto each other in tears, tony was one of the best people in your life, he made you and your mom two of the happiest people on earth

best stepdad a kid could ever ask for

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @lokihiddles // @frostedgiantfavs // @emygirl // @lotsoffandomrecs // @johnmurphyisbisexual // @teenwaywardasgardian // @pappydaddy // @captainshazamerica // @freya-xo // @ravenmoore14 // @purpleskiesstorm // @ofthedewthesunlight //

[snaileo]

Can you talk about your tobio lives au sims more

sorry for the late reply!!

so my version of the au did not originate in the sims, its sorta its own au of an au which you know already im just stating this for anyone else. There are also two different versions. theres the atb sims pilot that was never picked up, and then the atb sims reboot. Theyre like this because the pilot was on my shitty laptop, i didnt have as many mods nor cc, as well as packs either. the reboot is more beefed, its on my better pc, more mods/cc, a lot of the packs. Tobio hasnt even been born yet in my reboot save file and ive been playing it for 2 years i think. Im too lazy to update my game rn bc of the fact i have so much shit lol anyway time to talk abt each of them Pilot: this was way back in 2019 i think and it was honestly no substance other than i just wanted to play umataro and hiroshi and have them get married have a family. i dont have all the screenshots bc theyre on my laptop which is busted and not worth trying to turn on. but when tobio was born he had hiroshi's blonde hair and i decided to keep it, so the pilot is also known as blonde tobio au lol. tobio took on hobbies such as the violin, much like how his dad plays piano. atom and uran were eventually born too but my laptop was dying before they could have their birthdays (also my laptop DEFINITELY could not run any good, crisp graphics so everything looks gross and shitty) 1. hiroshi & tobio 2. Teen tobio playing the violin 3. atom and uran

i had tobio going thru a little bit of an emo phase, but i kept the blonde hair lol. i even built them this big ass awful house tht took forever (but i was proud of in the moment) but my laptop could BARELY run it, and then not long after my laptop started dying lol.

The Reboot: ah yes. better pc, better graphics, more mods, and cc this is finally the reboot. ive been playing this save file for multiple years now. its more fleshed out, more attention to detail. Motoko did make an appearance in the original pilot, but here she has more of story, I also spent time actually building lab 7, which is where the save file started. The reason I rebooted the atb sims is because I had gotten the university dlc which I thoguht Oh this is perfect bc it also adds robots so a106 made an appearance, and as i got more packs, i added more characters for instance I made tom when I got cats & dogs.

I have more of a story planned for the reboot, but specifically for tobio, I want him to grow up on a little bit of some farm, as I intend on hoshie to be good at gardening. Now my hoshie for my sims save is the OG once upon a time hoshie, not ATB hoshie. anyway tobio will grow up with chickens and I intend to have hiroshi be his godfather (to eventual step father) and like im excited to play more sims i just hate updating the game. my next goal for the save file is to update hiroshi's side of the family since the story has advanced but his family is. stagnant/still in the past. my idea for tobio is for him to still be a loner but to have more family. I also intend on having atom and uran be his younger half siblings (pretend theyre robots)

in my last play session i had motoko take her kids and her friends on a vacation. im tryinnnnnggggggg ot get hoshie and tenma to know each other more and am hoping after the vacation that i can push even further for tobio to finally make his way into the save

oh forgot!!! to mention1!! i also want reno in this save file buit i cant bring him in until tobio is born (hiroshi is gonna foster to adopt him)

im not the best at explaining my sims stuff without going on long tangents since ive been playing it for so long but im ending it with a screenshot of hiroshi with his godchildren (motoko's twins, yuko and daichi, taken during my last play session of their vacation)

[zaptap]

ive made a few of these bingo sheets and theyre fun so i decided to make one not just for e3 but also JUST for splatoon 3 (not just for e3 but for like the whole lifetime of the game). also heres my updated list of characters id like to see in smash, ordered generally by which id like more and/or think are the most realistic

since min min got in i took out helix, and since i couldnt decide whether to add in waluigi or madeline i added another row (realistically i dont think any indies are getting in but i threw some in anyway). also i was like “oh yeah maybe theyd put in a gen viii pokemon” so i threw in hatterene since thats one of my favorites.

also as for waluigi (and shovel knight for that matter) i think it would be nice to see an assist trophy get in just to break that rule. also i remember being super surprised he wasnt in brawl (back then i thought he and wario were equally important) and even though that was based on a wrong impression ive still felt like he should be in there ever since

notes about the bingos under the cut

really is about time for those n64 games, especially now that mario is dead so theyre free to release sm64 on it. game boy games would be nice sometime too

would also make sense to include banjo-kazooie in that, nintendos had a good relationship with microsoft lately and the total absence of anything banjo-kazooie on the switch is odd since it’s a dlc character (every other one has a game on switch they can use for cross-marketing, even if joker’s took a while) and i think the best explanation for that would be that theyre holding off for the nso n64 app (this is easiest from a technical standpoint because all they have to do is make a deal to use the roms)

when are they putting octolings in mk8d

xenoblade chronicles x is one of the only wii u games left that they could port (aside from ones that wouldnt make much sense like splatoon and ssb4) so i guess that might as well happen sometime. also monolith soft might be doing something else besides helping with splatoon 3

im not ready for metroid prime 4 (im over halfway through mp2 and therefore the trilogy as a whole) but it’s been a while, they might show it and it could even come out this year

hal apparently recently hinted at a new kirby game or something

the upgraded switch is obviously going to be called the Nintendo Switch ͥ  since they already did the ds lite so theyre clearly naming everything in the family after the ds family, theres absolutely no flaw in this logic. idk if theyre showing it, but unlike 2019 they didnt say they werent showing new hardware (just that they were showing software, which could be taken as denying rumors, but they sometimes specify when certain things arent being shown)

metroid prime trilogy also might come this year. would make sense to release it before mp4 since not everyone is going to buy a wii u to get it (and at this point that doesnt get nintendo any money since they stopped making them)

where is detective pikachu 2. i hope it has the blue pikachu from that first tease they gave us in like 2014 (2013? that was a loooong time ago idk)

they said this was MOSTLY 2021 so i am absolutely getting my hopes up for splatoon 2

the two sinnoh games could likely be there

would be super cool if oddity came to switch. and almost as ironic as megalovania getting into smash

we havent seen the botw sequel for a couple years so we’re kind of due for an update on that

it’s ace attorney’s 20th anniversary this year so maybe theyre doing something. theyre already porting those games though so idk. maybe he’s getting in smash

whats with that watermelon mario render

i held off on watching a playthrough for ndrv3 on the off chance it came to switch and i could play a dangan ronpa game for real for once but it’s now been 4 years and we just passed the 10th anniversary of the series (albeit during a pandemic when i wouldnt expect them to have done anything) so it would be cool to see the series come to switch. i think if it still doesnt after this though i’ll just watch the playthrough, 4 years is long enough. amazed ive avoided spoilers this long, i still know next to nothing about the game

im about done with acnh but im still waiting on those splatoon items. and i ran out of storage in february so i need more of that too

nintendo did stuff for zelda’s 30th anniversary so i doubt theyre forgetting the 35th. maybe wwhd/tphd ports, idk

been a couple years since fire emblem, intelligent systems is probably up to something besides planning yet another paper mario spinoff

miyamoto forgot pikmin 4 in the oven 6 years ago and it got burnt to a crisp and thats why it hasnt come out yet because he had to start over

and splatoon

the inklings scared daft punk into quitting so now that theres no competition in the robot musician scene they should have a daft punk style group

i waited and waited and neither of my top two splatoon stages (flounder and d’alfonsino) came back in splatoon 2 so i hope just because splatoon 3 isnt in inkopolis doesnt mean they still wont return

would be sick as hell if there was a real hide and seek mode instead of just sticking to your own rules in private battles. havent played that since 2015 but it was super fun

show us the effects of the chaos world

i wanted mc craig to have a song in octo expansion and they didnt deliver. heres another chance

splatnet 3 baby

cant wait for nogami to do a funny 3 pose

abxy came back for splatoon 2.... am i gonna be that lucky again...?

salmon run doesnt make sense if youre friends with a smallfry but they could either change the story context (you just fight “evil” salmonids?) or replace it with an equally fun co-op mode

amiibo!!! i think i said this before but they should label them by weapons if these cephalopods dont have genders, would make more sense (the gendered ones had different weapons anyway)

returning characters!!!! would like to see everyone have a role of some kind

maybe #GearForAll wasnt successful in getting the emperor/spy/mecha gear, but perhaps theyll at least consider not making that stuff exclusive this time around

squid girl gear should be back. and they should call it a dress instead of a tunic because its a dress. and theres no gender now anyway

as ive said before... TRIPLIES!! you hold one in each hand and another in your mouth. and you can spin around like the tasmanian devil

remove splatfest tee annoyances: you should have a prompt at the end of a splatfest to pay to scrub your tee (to make sure you get the chunks) also it should be on a neutral brand so you dont end up with an overabundance of ink resistance up (or whatever else)

better online and cloud saves would certainly justify having a second splatoon game on the same console, as much as im loving that it exists

hopefully theres a global testfire again

sooner or later the workers will rise up and kill mr grizz

remember in splatoon 1 where if you had squid beatz (via the amiibo) you could “play” it in the lobby and change the music? then you were stuck listening to only bubble bath in splatoon 2? why did they take that option away they should bring it back

looking at those apartment buildings in the trailer i think it would be cool if you had your own room and could decorate it

an octavio redemption arc would be fun to see. in the manga he stole the zapfish because the octarians had an energy crisis, and in the end they worked out a deal to share the electricity