#i cant even enjoy it bc i got sick today

[depthnessingsweet]

.

[cupuacu]

i feel depressed for rarely feeling normal and when i DO feel normal i get depressed again because i know its temporary

[curtsycream]

Kunimi x tsukki x kenma x akaashi x little reader where she Regressed in babyspace and feels sick but cant tell them bc she's non verbal and want to be Held and even when she falls asleep and she feels when she get put down she wakes up and start crying 🥺🥺

(I used in the request the pronoun she her but u can use any pronoun u want)

Poly!Nope Squad x Regressed!Reader

Don’t mind me but this was a requested fic and I think that’s what motivates me most knowing someone is anticipating something on my behalf. But I did try my best because I’ve never ventured into babyspace but I do know someone who has. Also it’s fine I don’t mind writing for any gender or pronouns! It’s just gender neutral is mine own default for inclusivity

It was raining yet again for the fourth time this week in Tokyo. This wasn’t a new revelation as it was spring and heavy rainfall was expected. Sitting up in bed alone Y/N couldn’t help the frown from appearing on her warm face. Normally she would be the third one up behind Keiji and Kei. But today she was the last one which only happened when she pulled an all-nighter or if she was sick.

Rubbing her eyes harshly she let out a small cough with a disgruntled look on her face. This wasn’t a normal cold for her as she felt an added factor to the situation. Sitting in bed alone she felt fuzzy inside and from her watering eyes and quivering lip she knew she couldn’t fight it. Before she knew it she had regressed which wasn’t uncommon for her to do. Her life partners were aware of her regression but she had never regressed into baby space before.

She was lost as she sat in bed until the bedroom door opened and a rather calm Akira walked into the room. On days like this Akira didn’t have to go into work at Eleventh Bank. Something Akira enjoyed as he usually got to sleep in. “Baby…are you okay? You don’t look well..” he said in his usual monotone voice.

All she could do was look up at him with wide teary eyes and a quivering bottom lip. She couldn’t bring herself to speak she felt nonverbal which usually never happened when she was in little space. So instead she decided to raise her arms making grabby hands at him. Understanding fully what she was trying to get across Akira smiled softly at her before picking her up. When she was secure in his arms she hid her face against the side of his neck.

Akira with his arms around her body as he carried her out of the room had a puzzled look on his face. Though this wasn’t the first time he had picked her up this was the first time she was so quiet about it. They all knew how slightly talkative she was even in littlespace. But he picked up on something different she was warm to the touch and so quiet.

Making his way into the living room with her in his arms he looks at Kozume who is playing his switch. “Eh, what’s wrong with, kitten?” he asks Akira.

Akira could only shake his head, “I don’t know…I think she’s not feeling good. But I can’t tell because she isn’t talking.”

Kozume raised an eyebrow at his words before placing down his switch. Standing up from the couch he was slumped on he walks over to Akira and Y/N. Placing the back of his hand against her forehead he sighed, “I think she has a fever..”

Moving his hand to her cheek he smiles at her, “Hey kitten…are you not feeling good? You’re so warm..” he says gently. He could tell from her pout and glossy eyes that she had regressed. “Are you feeling little, kitten?”

She could only nod her head slowly with a pout as she looked at Kozume. Yet she didn’t say anything she still couldn’t speak even if she wanted to. Something in her head was preventing her from doing so.

Not even an hour later after they had bathed her, fed her, and read her a bedtime story she was asleep. The only issue was that she was asleep in Kozume’s arms. He didn’t want to leave her alone in the bedroom but he did have a scheduled stream soon. So against his own want to keep her close to him, he decided to lay her down in their bedroom.

Moments later Kei had gotten home wearing his training with the Sendai Frogs. He still had on his uniform as he cleaned his glasses with a cloth. Making his way past Akira who was cooking dinner in the kitchen, whom he greeted, he walked upstairs. When he made it upstairs he heard the sound of soft sobs and whimpers from their bedroom.

With a confused look on his face, he walked into the bedroom before spotting his princess curled up on the bed in tears. Walking over to her he shakes his head, “Don’t tell me you’re pouting…did Akira say no to sweets before dinner again?” He teased.

Yet his teasing words didn’t go over well with her as she only cried a little louder. Kei found this strange as he removed the blanket from her head. His eyes took in her swollen eyes from tears, her frown, and how she hadn’t spoken to him in return. “What’s wrong, Princess? Are you okay?” He asked worriedly.

She didn’t say a word all she did was crawl over to him on the bed. Her arms wrapped around his midsection as she let out noises of discomfort. Kei seemed to have caught on as he picked her up rocking her a bit. “You’re sick…do the others know? You’re so warm,” he coped out unintentionally.

She nuzzles her cheek against his cheek with a nod as she clings to his tall figure. “You’re awfully quiet today too…” Kei says as he grabs her chin with one hand. He stares into her eyes before shaking his head, “You seem to be in a deeper headspace than usual..feeling smaller?”

All she did was nod and confirm his words which Kei figured. He remembered Keiji speaking about how at times regressors can regress younger than they usually do. This normally happens when they are under more stress than they usually are. “You’re feeling like a baby?” He asked calmly.

Yet another nod as Kei thinks over what he remembers about baby space. This was unfamiliar territory for him as he had never seen his princess in a headspace younger than 5 or 6. “I’m guessing that’s why you’re not talking too…huh?”

He didn’t even need to see her nod, which she did, to know her being in baby space was the reason she was nonverbal. Kei only held her tight in his arms before leaving the bedroom, thoughts of changing long forgotten.

Later that day when Keiji had finally left his home office,which was in a secluded part of the house, he walked downstairs. He was amused to see Kei trying to put down a reluctant and crying Y/N. It seemed the last thing she wanted was to be put down for a nap even if she would be sleeping on the couch next to him.

“What’s going on here?” Keiji asked in his rather caring voice. As he did she perked up making grabby hands at him.

“She doesn’t want me to put her down even when I told her I’ll be right beside her. I think she regressed further than usual as she’s nonverbal right now. She also has a little fever but that has gone down a bit,” Kei said.

Keiji could see the the exhaustion on Kei’s face as he tried to get her to sleep. “Don’t worry Kei, do what you need…I’ll take care of her..” he assures.

Before Kei could protest or she could whine Keiji had already scooped her up in his arms. Sitting on the couch with her in his arms he presses kisses to her slightly warm skin. When he does a flurry of giggles leave her pouty lips. “Look at you dove causing such a fuss..” he said affectionately as Kei walked upstairs to shower and sleep.

After Kei went upstairs Keiji let out the couch so that he could lay down on it with his dove. Since it was a lazy body that could work as an oversized bed he grabbed a blanket off of the back of the couch.

“It’s okay dove..I’ll be here when you wake up..” Keiji cooed as he pressed kisses along her cheeks and nose. With his words of comfort, she did exactly that and fell asleep in his arms as they laid on the couch.

When she woke up hours later she felt better as her fever had gone down fully. Rubbing her eyes she still felt tired but she didn’t feel as small as she did before. Looking around she noticed it was still raining and the TV was playing an episode of Bluey.

Not only that but she noticed all four of her boyfriends asleep on the couch around her. She couldn’t help the smile that appeared on her face as it seemed they wanted to keep her company.

“Kitten…why are you up? Go to sleep..” Kozume said from his position beside Akira. His eyes were partially open as he looked at her. With a nod, she listened before curling up between Kei and Keiji. This time she fell asleep with no issue knowing that regardless of what happened she would always have them there for her.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed anon! I think I’ll be writing a bit more but I don’t know. I recently started grad school and I’ve been occupied with that and settling into adulthood.

[popuptent1]

Sooo i just finished reading the kamokedai match and i need to express the thousand emotions going through my head rn (rant)

WARNING: VERY HEAVY SPOILERS and a BUNCH OF YELLING AND RANTING

if you dont wanna get yelled at i suggest you ignore this post :)

yes yes I know im VERY late to the party and that this manga ended years ago but i just finished reading this so lemme just get it outta my system and ill be on my way

First of all WHAT THE HECC FURUDATE WHY U GOTTA DO US LIKE THAT

they rlly made it so that hinata got sick at the worst possible time huh

like i get it, its to build even more tension but they didnt have to do that i mean cmon my heart was beating stupidly fast while reading that. Takeda even made a whole like five page speech to hinata which is what made us readers all go "oh ye we're losing this match arent we"

And they even made tsukki have to go on the bench cause of his leg becuase why not rub more salt into the wound amiright?

Anyways after the out of pocket plot twist where hinata goes to the hospital it not much of a suprise that kamokedai won but it still hurt ToT.

Yes, i actually thought they had a chance of winning ok? i get that kamokedai is much better than karasuno but still. they couldve won ;(

and then out of nowhere ITACHIYAMA LOST??!!! like what the actual flic flac??!! bro is hitting us with 50 different plot twists at once. First hinata get a fever, then tsukki also goes outta action, then they lose the match, then itachiyama also loses the match WHYYYYYY

i was not mentally prepared for this and was so looking forward to seeing sakusa and the libero whos name i forgot play against fukurodani in the finals but NOPE I GUESS WE AINT GETTING THAT TODAY

Now onto the MAIN REASON I AM TYPING THIS (yes im just warming up here folks)

I am a HUGE fukurodani fan they will always be my #1 favourite team

i thought we were gonna see the semi final and finals matches after karasuno lost but NOPE they just skipped those and was like TIMESKIP TIME WHO CARES ABOUT FUKURODANI :D

(i havent read the timeskip yet since, apart from bokuto, none of my faves are playing volleyball)

so naturally, i turned towards google to see if they do win the nationals

I WAS SO CERTAIN FUKURODANI WERE GONNA WIN THE NATIONALS YOU HAVE NO IDEA I PUT MY HEART ON THE LINE AND WAS 100% SURE THAT THEY WERE GONNA WIN EM ALL YK WHY??

DO

YOU

WANT

TO

KNOW

WHY

BECAUSE FURUDATE MADE IT SOUND LIKE THEY WERE REALLY DESTINED TO WIN THE WHOLE DAM THING

SO WHEN THEY LOST TO SOME RANDOM NOBODY SCHOOL THAT WE'VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF AND DOESNT HAVE ANY BACKGROUND AT ALL ACTUALLY KILLED ME SO BAD

they purposely got our hopes up and made us think that fukurodani were gonna be the ones to win (FUKURODANI WERE THE PROTAGONISTS OF THE WORLD, not karasuno!)

i fell for the trap, hook line and sinker 😭😭😭

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

seriously i dont get why furudate couldnt have just made fukurodani win instead?? everyone would be happy about that, and its not like its unrealistic, they're an amazing team, as shown multiple times in the manga!!!

GRRRrrrrr i am angry and sad and mad and depressed and my heart hurts and i feel like screaming into my pillow again

but i feel bad for being so negative in this post so i will end it on a (sorta) positive note for those who actually read that far into this rant lol

THIS ENDING OF FUKURODANI ACTUALLY MADE ME DIE (out of happiness this time)

they arent that depressed about losing bc they know that 2nd in the WHOLE OF JAPAN is still an AMAZING FEAT and that if they werent on the same team, then they wouldnt have gotten that far

konoha says hes grateful and considers himself super lucky that they were all on the same team (and specifically that bokuto was on the team since he's one of the nation's top aces)

and wow thats so amazing i just cant

MY EMOTIONS AHHH

anyways sorry for yelling to you so much, i just had to get this outta my system

The manga was GREAT and i enjoyed reading it so much haikyuu is my favourite anime and im so so glad i stumbled upon it!!! i seriously cant wait for this to get animated

drink water and i wish you happy tumblr scrolling 👍👍👍

[n0tmykays]

idk

U ever get where u like miss the things that were popular when u were younger, like yk gravity falls, ik its getting popular again but i remeber when i first watched it and looking up every little thing abt it.

Or when gacha life was rlly big, like yk glmm and glmv. Like i want that era back but i have to accept that i cant js make it appear out of nowhere and that that sucks but its life sadly.

It makes me miserable that ill never have that back but atleast i got to experience it yk. Creepypasta, gacha, animation memes, fnaf, sally face, fran bow, little miss fortune, gravity falls (the colours animatic actually changed my brain chemistry), ffs even dsmp, mcyts, anime, all of it. Sure it was cringey but it was fun and im glad i got to experience that at a point in my life. Ill always feel sick when i think abt it tho. Its js knowing ill never have any of it back.

Im scared to be cringey now, secondary school has actually ripped any sense of confidence out of me, i used to be loud and proud abt the things i liked and now ill never tell anyone except ppl im close with abt how i love theories abt all these shows and games. Everyone thinks everything is cringey but maybe its js ppl having fun, did no one think of that?

Genuinely i could write an entire essay on nostalgia of my own childhood, it was enjoyable and made me into who i am today. I dont want what others think of me to change that. Bc of the fear of being judged i wont start things i enjoy, like streaming, its purely bc im scared ppl in my school will find it. But most youtubers and streamers started at my age, so why should i let that stop me. It didnt stop them. Ill be happier, im seen as a weirdo as it is so why not purely embrace it. You live everyday but u die once.

[stoner-matsu]

gonna post my woes bc i cant take it anymore :)

i seriously dont know what to do i went from working full-time to working one day a week.

it started around when my boss moved houses (his whole business is run out of his house) the move was abrupt and at first i didnt think much of it. i understand the stress involved with moving but he started repeatedly talking down to me. he also wouldn't give me a chance to talk about whatever miscommunication problem that was going on.

im currently making efforts to be more on top of things at work. but theres only so much you can do when all the dogs are relaxing and all the humans are just... sitting around.

since im usually alone with my boss i try to make small talk, but he either ignores me or.... nope thats it actually :) he usually doesn't respond when im trying to talk to him, he gives he a rude one word answer, or he shrugs at me.

one time i came into work and he blamed me for "chores not being done" around the place so i asked which ones specifically have i been "slacking on"... he says im on my phone all the time and that i dont sweep or clean out the waste bins.

phone: id argue that i only use it when theres down time (and theres a LOT of down time) but okay i'll work on that if you want me to, fine. but the other two? a couple hours go by after we feed the dogs i say

"well, this is the perfect opportunity for me to do chores. what needs to be done around here?"

"i just need to you sweep and take out the waste"

"and when do you need those done by?"

"by the time you leave"

by the time i leave... in 4 hours :I so i ask

"... is there anything else that needs to be done? right now?"

and the answer was no of course! i was allowed to sit in awkward silence while my boss got to flee inside. the dogs were able to feel the tension because all of them laid around quietly.

my boss and manager both ignored me when i came into work today. i tried asking about the small changes i noticed coming in like extra water storage and a missing couch cusion, but my boss immediately got annoyed with me. all i could say was "sorry i was just asking..."

im so disappointment, i just dont know what went wrong! we all used to be friendly with each other, i hate getting close to people. i always drift apart from people i enjoy being around because eventually they'll get sick of me. just like every job ive ever had. and????? i understand that you dont need to be friends with everyone you work with. i used to go into work with my head down, and just focus on work. people have a way of out casting me when im not even doing anything.

pity pity pity sad sad sad cringe cringe cringe

[espressogal]

05/02/23 -- diary entry 

haven’t written a dairy entry here since august whoa! well my life has been really just playing on fast forward these days. time seems like such an ephemeral illusion and i cant even remember that christmas happened or thanksgiving or halloween? even thought i distinctly did things on those days but idk its just day after day and im trying to romantisize my life and document all my memories in a daily one line a day journal but it gets backlogged bc i forget to do it and then i have to remember what i did for 14 days by the time i actually get to write it. but thats my own fault bc i lost all sense of implementing discipline in my life after graduating. my addiction counselling job has been .. not great idk. im gunna have to hand in my resignation email soon bc i realized after working as a mental health support worker that i love.. stability and structure and routine. i enjoy waking up early packing my lunch grabbing a coffee and traveling downtown. and then going home and having my step count achieved by the end of the day and freshening up and eating and getting into bed by 9! i love it love it love it. i also get to interact with so many clients and learn so much about growth and boundaries and become my best self and prepare to be a social worker. at my addiction counselling job all i do is get scheduled overnight shifts and get my emails ignored by my boss. despite the prestige of the company and the great salary, it’s just not worth sacrificing my mental health for a job that barely lets me interact with the clients. im gunna write the email today or tomorrow and just quit that job and move on with my life. my weight has been fluctuating and i got super sick recently and basically had a week off work and im still not fully healed. i wanna start waking up at 5:30 and going to the gym early and meal prepping and getting my life back on track. i wanna start reading more and listening to more podcasts and practicing hindi and journaling and learning the piano on my days off. its just that i dont have any days off so far but i soon will. im gunna be hosting my very own journaling workshop at my new job which im excited about. my bf is gunna leave soon and were gunna have to go another 8-9 months of not seeing each other. our relationship has been better than ever though. my family life is improving and im getting better at prioritizing healthier friendships. i feel like im improving in many areas of my life. im still scared about grad school bc i already got rejected from one school and ill be getting all of my results by late march which is slowly creeping up. we’ll see where life takes us. 

[choccorin]

HIHIHI MIRO IM ALIVE AGAIN HIHIHIHIHIGIO KAMUSTA MGA KAYBIGAN 😋😋

i hope youre doing okay pookei ☹️☹️ i know how it feels to not have any close friends irl because im kinda going through that rn !! my old close friends arent really that close w me either and i cant tell them anything actually going on in my life rn, whether or not if its good or bad.

for your classmates i also kinda went through it too but it was more of a bullying scenario </3 it was like ermermerm 2 years ago?? a year ago?? I DONT KNWO BUT naging selos yung mga classmates ko kasi nakukuha ko lahat ng gusto ko. like sorry my parents give me what i want?? i dont force them to i just say i want smth and they give it AND IM AN ONLY CHILD AS WELL? i didnt even flex it to them or anything i genuinely just said “oh my parents got ____ for me!!” and suddenly everyone hated me?? long story short they had a whole groupchat ab hating me and stuff which led to me finding out yadafadda my dad told the principal it got sorted out eventually (it took like TWO MONTHS BC THEY WERENT TAKING US SERIOUSLY) and i just moved schools bc i was planning to way before the situation happened. but genuinely i get what youre going through and hope that your classmates stop w that, you didnt even do anything wrong ☹️ I ALSO FEEL LIKE MY SEATMATE RN IN ONE OF MY CLASSES IS GETTING SICK OF ME. I SWEAR SHE DOES BC SHE KEEPS LOOKING AT ME DIRTY LIKE WHAT DID I DOOOO but we are twinning its okay we will get through this together high five 🙌 HELP

its okay im sure that with christmas/winter break coming up (I THINK I MEAN I HOPE U HAVE A BREAK SOON) it will be okay!! being judged genuinely sucks and no one should go through it, especially you ☹️ if anything THEY should be judged bc they are suckie wuckies and fakie wakies !! ppl are just really mean these days and idk why </3 TRY TO IGNORE THEIR STARES AND KNOW YOURE NOT DOING ANYTHING WRONG itll end soon i promise

i hope youre feeling better and having a great day rn and know that everyone loves u here and if anything ill use my octopus powers to become the kraken and make all your classmates stop staring and judging you for literally no reason. ill make them sink into the ocean dw 😈🙏 ILYILYILY TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF 🫶🫶

- 🐙

octo anon hi hi hiii !!! wojeuejeh same same !! the only time we talk is when they message me first :'3 they're also reallyyyy busy so the chances of them replying back is low </3

that's such a low reason to hate on someone .. they hate seeing other people be happy ! they were just jealous of you lol i'm glad it got sorted out though !! i hope your old school takes things like that seriously bcus it can lead to even more conflict if they don't ..

my seatmate doesn't give me mean stares or anything but she keeps turning away from me and everytime i talk to her she seems so uninterested :'3 we really are twins, octo anon 🥹

sa december twenty pa christmas break namin </3 just found that out today sigh, i think may year end party kami pero hindi na lang siguro ako a-attend bcus i'm not even close with my classmates and also, 80% sure ako na hindi ako mage-enjoy </3

i do feel a bit better now ! ( only when i don't see them ), i hope you're having a great day too bff <33 i'll borrow your octo powers when i need it >:] take care of yourself too and always be safe, love ya very much, octo anon !! 🫶🫶🐙🐙

[waspyards]

1) cant believe i got sick on my last day off wtf cant even enjoy it properly. debating whether to call in sick tomorrow but idk bc its such a weird convoluted process hmmm. also i had so much i had/wanted to do today & tomorrow i have my last ceramics class where we're glazing things

2) after so many months of being certain i was gonna shave my head now im enjoying having it back. part of it is that ive been cutting it myself so whenever it gets too annoying i take some off & its much more manageable. but now im back to debating shave or no shave which is annoying like make up ur mind -_-

[almightycrisprat]

sometimes i just kinda feel like tossing out a random super depressing paragraph into the air but as im now in my tumblr phase ig ill just do it here today at school my friends got a bit annoyed at me bc i kept making ace attorney references in the most mundane of situations and so i tried stopping but i couldnt. my whole life just revolves around these adorable fictional lawyers and while i absolutely love them to death and i enjoy doing what i do everyone dislikes it and it just feels so lonely and i wish i didnt do it. even the people who are able to tolerate my bullshit the most are getting sick of it. i wish i could just talk about normal things like a normal person. like ye youve always got those random inspirational quotes of like "be weird be you" and shit but like it doesnt matter at all because if you do actually be yourself those same people are gonna hate you for it. its killing me inside (eva reference?!?!?!?!?) that i cant just act like a normal person and cant just shut up. i dont even know what i could talk about apart from my interests during chemistry today as well my teacher was checking whether we were all wearing our blazers. she was like ok everyones wearing their blazers but *you* there need to put your hair up. for a split second it felt like everyone was looking at me. the absolute terror. i felt like dying right there and then. decomposing on this stupid tall science stool because the teacher had acknowledged me and there were people looking at me. it sounds like nothing but its so much of a gut punch. spent the rest of the lesson just trying to calm myself down rocking on the stool and pressing my nails against my fingers and fiddling with my scrunchie but that didnt do much. just left a couple bruises on my fingers. and then ofc as soon as the lesson ended i went to lunch with my friends and yk. they got a bit annoyed bc of the paragraph above. why am i like this why cant i talk to a human being like a human why is everyone so scary why cant i do something right in my life i just i kinda just wish i werent me because being anything else but me would be better than me that sounded super edgy lmao help im having a crisis i hope none of my knowingthings see this but knowing my mutuals and crap they probably will ;-; and it doesnt help that like my whole class hates me or at least doesnt like me so every single morning im just really awkwardly sitting there as they walk in, some of them saying hi or good morning or most of them ignoring my existence. sometimes i feel like im exagerating but then i remember the time i walked into the class and the whole damn choir of them sighed. truly a crisp moment fr

[ayyponine]

oaugh the epic highs and lows of

being gay :) but cant do pride bc gotta work :( but it’s a quiet day :) but still feel tired after :( but deciding to go to local music festival :) alone :( but dancing and enjoying the music :) feeling kinda like a loser :( moving more into the crowd to feel more connected and unexpectedly running into colleagues :) it’s the two colleagues you worked with today. they arranged to meet up and made zero mention of that to you :( but reassure that youre welcome to join and say u look so pretty so that feels good fr a while :) until its suddenly over and they all go home which is the direction opposite of yours :( you decide to go past the first aid ppl to thank them fr the free ear plugs you got frm them :) they clearly dont care :( you walk home and it’s nice it feels nice you notice the green lights frm a fancy aptmt entryway and look to yr side to view it :) and notice a guy is following you :( he goes past :) and then tries to start a conversation :( u think u get rid of him despite the repeated pressing fr more info & him wanting to walk u further home (we already passed home! and feel bad having to be kinda rude abt it but a hard no is needed obv) :)) but then you halt on yr wrong way to see if it’s safe to double back and catch him looking back at you frm the other side of the road! :(( so just keep going into an alley thinking you can cut through a lil park to circle back to the road you were originally on :) but the park is closed :( cutting through a park past 11 pm probably wouldnt have been the best idea anyway :)) esp since you hear someone calling hey girl hey lady behind you :((( make it to the end of the alley :’’) look back and sure enough it’s the guy how did he catch up so fast :(( at least this is a busier road and theres scattered groups of ppl passing by :) so theres some witnesses as you loudly state like hey man. saying youre going in one direction. and then following me all this way. not cool. i said no. so drop it. this aint it. but then the people passing by just keep on walking minding their own business :((( and you fuck off into a side street and it LOOKS like hes staying put thank fuck? :) so you RUN back to the street you need to be looking back constantly ;((( but not seeing him :) you think :( making it back p quick :) but a car passes by just as you enter w someone w the same colour shirt in it and even if you rationally know its comign frm a different direction and esp w u running it wouldnt make sense fr him to be in there STILL you feel sick fr a second thinking this pushy guy lurkin around just might have clocked exactly at which place you let yrself in so wuaaahg

[tinylittlebab]

annoying sister should hopefully be moving out in 2 weeks. itll be easier to starve after that. so SO much easier.

i really enjoyed eating like a normal person while i had a cold and i even manadged to just not think too much about calories after the first day but tomorrow will be worse i guess :/

well at least i got some popcorn today so ill probably be living off that salt and margarine for awhile :/ usually i just use salt but maybe a bit more flavor would be nice

well i guess i should eat my muffin today and panic tomorrow. ive also decided i think o can justify higher res bc i exercise so much everyday and burn a lot of calories and without much food i cant exercise so much (fasting is out of the question most days. id pass out) i actually highly enjoy exercising and according to my tdee stuff and the amounts i eat apparently i burn about 550 everyday from exercise bc without it my tdee would be that much lower so thats nice. i guess to maintain 97 pounds and eat 2000 a day i think you have to exercise a whole whole lot. well im not mad about it. i will be happy to weigh less though.

apparently my sister (not the annoying one) told roommate i relapsed and theyre both worried :/ well at least theyre thinking about me. i get scared they regret me moving in. i think ill feel better once i have a job but that wont be till june and im 18.

hhhhh. well ill know im doing well when they both start asking if i want something or just bringing me home stuff. i never really saw anybody when i restricted before and i hid my body so much so even ghough i did lose a lot of weight and looked like i was dying nobody ever really saw it

and i know they wont be able to tell how much im eating because they are both gone most days so ill really know i look thinner and sicker if they are more noticeably worried. kinda messed up but its been the dream for 6 years and i WILL achieve it. one day. i wanna look so sick and dying. ill probably be hospitalized afterwards but its worth it. maybe. well if im 18 by the time it happens then its worth it. if not then i might have to move in with my mom again which i really dont want.

hmmm. well. i really dont wanna be his bc i know id absolutely hate it but i also want it.

[murasakiyuzu]

my sincerest fuck you to the world cup

[yesimwriting]

hi, i love all your work! could i please request headcanons for what it'd be like to go from being enemies to lovers with nikolai lantsov.

thank you:)

A/N maybe i moved this up on my request lists bc i woke up today and went 'nikolai lantsov'

--

- i'm being a little liberal with cannon bc my mind first went to 'princess! reader who hates nikolai bc they're competitive and then they have to team up together to try to get their parents to break up their arranged marriage but fall in love in the process (this might be a little undetailed but i'm thinking of writing a full fic or mini-series with this plotline so let me know if you'd be interested!! i could see a smutty ending to that fic but idk,, lmk what you thing ig lol)

- Ok so first off enemies to lovers with the loml nikolai lantsov would be SO GOOD bc he's so dramatic and obviously attractive so even though you hate him you know he's hot,, there's never a dramatic realization that he's attractive bc it's just a fact

- butttt you'd rather give up any claim you have to your family's throne than feed his already gigantic ego

- okk but lets get to the beginning of your enemies to lovers relationship

- so basically every summer your parents go and stay with Nikolai's family at this super fancy vacation home bc your parents are both royalty and your kingdoms have a very healthy relationship

- just bc it's the summer season doesn't mean it's summer vacation,, so as children for about a month you two share a tutor,, and when i tell you that created a rivalry so fast i mean it

- you're not the eldest princess and you're always trying to be the best for your parents approval, nikolai just wanted to impress the really smart girl who had a pretty laugh (poor nikolai lol,, he had no way of knowing how important being the best in school no matter what was to your self esteem)

- maybe if you two could communicate you’d like each other a little better at this point but it starts when you’re pretty young and by the time you’re like 13 it’s a solidified dynamic (and 13 year olds are the MEANEST and most insecure people in the world so that’s when your relationship turns to full enemies)

- now that you’re 13 you have more princess-y requirements, especially over the summer. So when you see that Nikolai gets to practice with swords and gets more free time while you have to practice setting tables you hate him more than ever. 

- Nikolai senses that you’re extra hostile but he has no idea why,, he tries asking once but he makes a joke about how ‘maybe you’re jealous bc youre no longer the center of my attention’ and even though he’s just trying to ease the tension you feel like he’s making fun of you

- so that’s when things get aggressive, but at that point summer is almost over so it’s whatever

- next summer comes and you’re still SO MAD at him,, so when you get to the estate you’re like ‘i’m not even talking to him idc how quiet these next three months are’ 

- and you get there all determined to hate him,, but once you get there and see him something in you cracks bc he had the audacity to spend the last year going through puberty AND LIKE HE’S ALWAYS BEEN CUTE BUT THIS IS SOMETHING ELSE 

- so youre mentally panicking bc how do you even talk to someone that looks like that now???? but then you remember that you didnt even want to talk him so in a panic youre like ‘maybe i can avoid him and he’ll just assume it’s bc i hate him bc i do,, who cares if he’s unbelievably hot now’ 

- nikolai doesn’t assume anything, he just gets to the estate and is like ‘why hasn’t she insulted me yet?? is she suddenly too good to give me attention?’ so during the lessons that you still share he gets an idea

- he decides to one-up you in everything bc that’s always gotten a reaction out of you 

- it works,, every time he corrects you or steals an answer from you, you’re ready to snap but then you look at him and take in his stupidly perfect face and  you just shut up 

- nikolai thinks it’s not working so he just tries harder

- by the end of week one you can’t take it anymore so when the tutor leaves at the end of lessons you snap, you tell him off for how often he’d repeat what you said and change a few words and get all the praise from the tutor

- on the inside he’s like ‘took long enough’ but the more you rant he’s like ‘is she okay???’ he’d be more concerned if you weren’t threatening his pride and at this point he’s still annoyed bc if you were that annoyed you should have just talked to him instead of ignoring him for a week

- he’s thinking that just bc you got really pretty over the last year doesn’t make you too good to yell at him on the daily

- the worst thing anyone can do to nikolai is ignore him LMAO (lowkey relatable)

- so he starts arguing with you and you’re so upset that you forget about how aggressively attractive he is 

- and you two are alone in this room and the more you argue the closer you two get

- the climax of the argument is when neither of you are yelling, you’re just so mad you’re beyond raising your voice and once you’re both at that point it goes like this: 

“Nikolai Lantsov, you are the most insufferable person I’ve ever met” 

“Well then, Darling, you should look in a mirror.” 

“You are so entitled, so ridiculously self obsessed that it ruins your attractiveness.” 

“...” he literally just like blinks twice. “You think I’m attractive?” 

“Uh? No--i didn’t say that at all, maybe if you didn’t have the language comprehension of a child you’d understa--” he just reaches forward, grabs the collar of your dress, and kisses you. 

- it’s your first kiss so you have no idea what you’re doing and it’s with some one you CANT STAND and you’re so mad bc you had expectations for your first kiss and he’s taken that from you--but the thing is,, 

- he’s good at it. Like really good at it. Like so good it makes you curious about what he does the nine months of the year he’s not stuck here with you bc there’s no way he hasn’t had practice. 

- but you’re also extremely confused and nervous and aware of how stupid you’re being (and a little hormonal bc being 14 isn’t easy) and then he places his hand on your cheek and that snaps some sense of reality into you bc it’s one thing to enjoy the kiss but another thing entirely to want him to escalate it

- so you place one hand on his chest and push him off of you slightly. He takes the hint, pulls away enough to look at you and then you two just stare at each other 

- your hand is still on his chest and you have absolutely no idea what comes next, but you find yourself looking at his lips

- since you haven’t slapped him or pulled away more than a few inches he thinks maybe things are okay so he leans forward slightly and kisses you again. 

- you reciprocate a little too fast, the kiss lasts two seconds before thinking about how insane you’re being so you push away entirely. 

- He lets you go,, and in the most awkward display ever you’re like ‘uh I need to go,, i can’t be late to ball preparation lessons’ and you leave that room faster than you’ve ever left a room in your entire life. 

- the next day you consider pretending to be sick to avoid him but that would only give him more power over the situation so you go,, and he’s just sitting there calmly

- youre on edge the entire day but he never even jokes about it

- a part of you is a tiny bit annoyed bc who kisses you and then pretends it never happened? but overall, you’re relieved 

- the days pass and it never comes up but now whenever you two argue you think of how quickly kissing him both shut him up and got rid of your tension 

- the summer goes by quickly, your usual dynamic has returned and you wonder if he even remembers kissing you. twice. in a row. 

- the next couple of years are normal,, even when you two no longer take lessons together you still dont like him. He’s just so assured and he takes such joy in bothering you. 

- and then one summer your parents sit you down and they’re like ‘we need to plan the future alliance of our kingdom’ 

- you’re a little confused bc you’re rarely allowed to sit in on these things bc you’re a girl and you’re basically meant to just be a royal’s bride--and then you realize why you’re there. 

- you start protesting before your father can finish announcing your engagement 

- the parents were smart bc they announced it at the end of summer so you two couldn’t drive them crazy or conspire

- the first thing you do when you get back to your castle is write to him for the first time ever 

- your letter is basically ‘pls tell me you’re doing something’ 

- the two of you talk until you come up with the plan to get your parents to break up your engagement 

- your parents dont really care about your feelings and they expect the two of you to argue with them,, but they care about the kingdoms

- so you two decide that if you act like youre so in love that you let your duties slip the engagement will end,, especially if you two are in love in a toxic way 

- so the next summer you two make sure to flirt and act like youre totally obsessed with each other and skip lessons together and just are constantly together and acting like you’re on a honeymoon

- your parents are like ?? since when 

- at one point you flirt with a random guard just so Nikolai can have a ‘jealous outburst’ while your families are strolling through the garden 

- ngl jealous nikolai had you ready to RISK IT ALL,, you were ready to drop the plan and marry him on the spot 

- he notices bc he notices everything about you and when your family walks away he gives you a quick kiss and youre stunned,, much to his delight 

- your desire to break up your engagement takes a slight backseat in your mind bc you decide to set off on a secret goal to make him flustered

- it doesn’t take much, your dresses get a little more risky, your comments get a little more suggestive

- the only problem?? he seems to have his own personal goal and it’s to make you even more flustered than he is

- soon the two of you are lost in layers of pretend and competition

- when your parents are finally thinking about delaying the engagement and keeping you two away from each other until you calm down a little (i feel bad for them,, an entire summer of being surrounded by the ULTIMATE sexual tension) 

- you’re sad and you don’t know why bc this is what you wanted, but then Nikolai stands up and says that you two planned for this and he has the letters to prove it (he was ready to drop the receipts LMAO) and youre like ??what are you doing?

- and he says he’d rather marry you then never see you again bc now all he wants is to get know you bc he has no idea how he wasted so much time arguing with you 

- and you just meltttt but your in front of your entire family and his as well so you just sit there for a minute and then you tell him you feel the same way 

- but the summer’s over

- you kiss him before leaving and he says you’ll have to visit bc he can’t go an entire year without seeing your ‘pretty face’ 

- you promise to visit him soon

- your at home for exactly a day and a half before getting an invitation to visit him 

- you laugh bc the only way that letter could get to you that fast is if he mailed it before you even left 

- you say yes obviously,, and spend some time having a really cute fall-dating vibes together until you figure out how you really feel 

- and you feel like he makes your heart STOP and that’s why you hated him,, bc you didn’t like being vulnerable 

[egcdeath]

birthdays with the boys

in honor of my own birthday, today i’ll be sharing with you what i think your birthday with many cevans characters would be like. enjoy! <3

steve rogers

he leaves his mission early and unannounced so when you wake up to the smell of pancakes in your house, and a man with breakfast in bed you almost jump out of your skin buuut you couldn’t be happier to see him

breakfast in bed is just the start of your bday because he goes ALL. OUT. 

as you finish up eating, he grabs a folded piece of paper with a wax seal on it and hands it to you

he tells you to open it once he leaves, gives you a wink, then goes

he planed a birthday scavenger hunt for you!!!

for the rest of the day, you travel around the city to a bunch of important places in your relationship, like your fav dates n stuff

at the midway point of the hunt, he meets you for a coffee and makes sure you’re still enjoying everything before he sends you off with the avenger’s company card and basically tells you to get something nice before finishing the hunt hehe

you do in fact get yourself something nice

at the end of the hunt, you end up at the compound where all of your friends and teammates are and you have a very nice birthday party

by the time that you and steve go home, you’re exhausted but wanna spend a lil more time savoring your birthday so steve suggests that the two of you watch that one cheesy rom com that you love (and he hates)

as you cuddle on the couch, popping the occasionaly popcorn kernel in your mouth, you cant help but to feel grateful that you have such an amazing boyfriend

ransom drysdale

his birthdays were always disregarded when he grew up, so he has a very extravagant celebration planned for you

we all know that he can make a pretty airtight and elaborate plan so you literally have zero idea of what he’s got up his sleeve

enter: a whole birthday week

(he sweet talked your boss into some time off  so thats one whole thing you don’t have to worry about)

day one is a whole spa and a shopping day

he can’t stand some of your friends but he invites them anyway bc he knows it’ll make you happy

he’s glaring at your friends while they giggle about some new louis vuitton purse and you’re thoroughly amused by it

you give him extra kisses that night as a reward for not instigating any fights that day (awww bf of the year am i right ladies?)

day two you guys do a museum hop and look at lots of art

ransom rolls his eyes at canvases that have a few drops of paint on them and are called modern art, you think this is hilarious

day three you have a picnic together in a park

ransom knows you have an affinity for charcuterie boards and attempts to make you one himself (and it’s not all that bad), along with a bunch of dainty little sandwiches

later that day, you go to a planetarium together

on your drive back home you have an interesting convo on the meaning of life

day 4 you take a pottery class together

ransom makes the most deformed bowl you’ve ever seen in your life

so naturally you put it up for display in your bedroom (so whenever you see it you can think of him)

day five is a first class flight to some luxurious villa in europe. most of day five is taken up on a plane

ransom lets you lay your head on him while you sleep, even though the position you’re in is making it astonishingly uncomfortable for him

day six you guys explore the city all day together

ransom makes sure not to complain about his aching legs (even though yours are getting sore too, and if he said something you would’ve done something about it!)

on your real birthday (day seven), ransom takes you out to a very nice dinner, and gives you a hand written letter detailing how much he loves and cares about you (because sometimes it’s hard for him to say his feelings)

you’re extremely flattered but have no idea how you’ll top this for his own birthday

andy barber

you and andy aren’t really huge on big gestures, so he does little things throughout the day

while you’re at work, he makes a surprise stop by and brings you your favorite drink & lunch from your favorite food place

he sends a bouquet of flowers to your job as well

after work, he cooks for you then showers you in gifts

your favorite thing that he gets you is a little engraved necklace with yours and his initials on it

at the end of the day, he gives you a nice full body massage and somehow that was exactly what you needed.

maybe not the most extravagant birthday, but a good one nonetheless.

frank adler

you have a pretty chill birthday with him and mary

he brings you a cake that him and mary made/decorated together

it’s kind of hideous but you love it

you guys let mary skip class for just 1 (one) day but tell her to keep it a secret

you call the school and let her fake being sick in the background. it is a hoot

you all go to the zoo together 

you take tons of pictures

your personal favorite is one where mary and frank are posing with a giraffe

after the zoo, you go bowling

when you win, the sore losers that came with you claim they were letting you win since it was your birthday

you end your day at the beach, watching mary and her cat play in the sand in your peripheral vision while you and frank admire the sunset

ah, sweet, sweet domesticity

ari levinson

you go to an escape room to celebrate your birthday

it’s just you and ari, but you’re smart so you don’t expect it to be too difficult

🚨wrong🚨

you’re both so hard headed and stubborn that doing any of the tasks is like pulling teeth

eventually the building had to close, and you’ve only finished like... a few tasks in the hours you’ve been there

this was certainly not a bad birthday though, arguing with ari is one of your favorite pastimes

and this birthday certainly did not disappoint

jake jensen

you and the rest of your team decided to go to a little retro arcade for the first half of the night

you spent way more time than necessary watching jake attempt to beat the high score of some random game

after giving up on beating the highest score on a pac-man machine, jake decided to attempt to win you a prize on the claw machine

like, $20 and a few annoyed humans in line behind him later, it was still nothing

when jake finally gave up, the next person in line won the soft and plushy elephant you had your eye on

and while your back was turned, he may or may not have paid off its rightful owner in order to get it with you

it was too sweet of a gesture for you to even try to be annoyed with jake

a bit later, you decided to partake in a game of laser tag which was going on in the same building

this was fine and dandy buuuut

everyone on your team treated every mission (real or fictional) like the end of the world

this made for a few very interesting matches

jake nearly trampled a child more than one time

good thing everyone was required to sign a waiver before playing

a custody battle over which team got to have cougar seemed to be a consistent theme during the night

when you were on different teams, you couldn’t help but notice that jake was getting a little too much pleasure out of shooting you

it was fine because you were equally enthusiastic about shooting him

you were eventually booted from the game when an employee claimed you were all being too rough

at some point you lost the elephant

but luckily for you, you found it before you went home

you were going to keep that elephant forever

johnny storm

you were genuinely convinced that johnny forgot your birthday

he did not bring it up ONCE the whole day

you’re actually kind of hurt for a while and get all in your head

johnny gets the silent treatment 🙄 (but he deserves it)

you decide to stop moping and go out, since it issss your birthday

you do your makeup and put on a skimpy little dress

as you leave your room and start enter the communal portion of the baxter building, johnny stops you and checks you out

he’s like “where are you going????”

and you’re like “out 😐”

and he’s like “are you sure? 🤨”

and you’re like yes duh

then he gestures to the side really quickly and you’re kinda confused then a whole bunch of people pop out and start cheering for your birthday

you’re kinda embarrassed that you spent so much of the day moping but you quickly get over it because you love a good party

by the time that most of your guests are gone, you force johnny to take you out to the club

and of course you warn him not to ever pull a stunt like that again

lucas lee

he forgot it was your birthday

[lettersformiah]

9:19am, 8 aug

hi bubsy <3 i love you so much im in english right now and it so fucking boring. like we are just filling in the table of language features n shit and i do not care at all. mrs wilson didnt call my name on the roll so i hope she at least marked me present. but i hate her and i hate this class. thankfully only like 2 more terms of it to go ^-^ omgosh i just thought of it! today si the day you get your flowers >:] which means i cant upload this letter until after you get them and text me about them so i dont spoil the surprise! but yeah hehehe >:D i got some flowers sent to u bc obvs i cant cant get you any and i think you deserve some <3 im so sorry we havent been spending that much time together, its so fucking hard online bc i am so tired after work and dance and even just plain school and then when you are busy we cant call until late and by then im already so sleepy. i am very very sorry its so fucking hard recently but i still enjoy just sitting with you when i can. youre very very very lovely and i hope the flowers make u happy <3 mwahmwhawmahwmhamh other than that! i have a headache! but i get to hang out with kealan for a bit after school and chat so that will be nice bc i havent talked to him for like a few weeks? like properly talked ig? yesterday was mainly maya and leo chatting so i havent really hear about his life in a hot minute. thatll be fun. unless its raining then it absolutely wont be. oh! my dad is sick :( was a bit ill yesterday but this morning was even worse and didnt go to work. poor fella. i hope he feels better soon but at the very least i hope he doesnt give it to me bc as much as i hate it i do actually want to make it to gisborne this weekend. omg! my bday is saturday. so fucking weird. im gonna be old :D and our 6 month is tomorrow!! so the flowers are also for that, even though that wasnt at all what my intention for them was. they are bday flowers, anniversary flowers, and simply flowers because i love you. :D ! hehehe i love you soso smuch babba. i still have half an hour of this fuckin class left and my head achy and shit :( but ignoring that, the rest of my day will be all good and im excited to judt get home and eat bro. like i want a munch on the risotto and my chocolate and i want to talk to you. and then i have to deal with dance which will suck but this week i gotta actually go both days and im gonna try my best to enjoy it and be okay :D okok im gonna text u and tell u i wrote a letter so that u can remind me to post it after school. i love you!

i lub u so much and ur so so pretty and i cant wait to be able to give u a lil kiss on the cheek while ur sleepin cause ur sosos cute hehehhe >:D okok talk soon talk soon please wake up soon its unbearable without u <3 mwahwmahmwahmwah

-mads<3