#i cant even do it in my head rn im really bad with voices so he has the most patchwork accent rn

[vigilskeep]

oh my god. remember when i inexplicably had the thought morghaine should sound german. it’s because the exile used to have an accent and that was the one i found easiest to keep up in my head 😭

[wooziorgans]

Here again bc i cant sleep! So some jihoon rage!

Definitely the type to get needy when you're asleep, so he peppers you with little kisses on your cheeks, forhead, nose.. with no aim of waking you up just waiting for you to react only to whisper in your ear i miss you and then cuddles to sleep...

Back hugs back, hugs back, hugs ... he kisses your palm every single time you cup his face...

I've been thinking about angst woozi, and why does he look like he apologises first!? He 2000% whispers "Baby, im sorry." Then he reasons out with you...

Also, why do i feel part of his ego screams exhibitionist

So much to unpack about that beautiful talented man

-🎀

— food for thought (2)

oh my god hi ily these r scratching my brain so hard rn.

needy jihoon

ugh he just misses you so bad when the days get long for him. so most of the time you’re asleep when he gets home, but it’s never a super deep sleep because you always try to wait up for him.

but the thing about you and jihoon is that you’re both naturally very sleepy, so you fall asleep in the comfort of your bed because it’s just so warm and soft and it smells like jihoon. and you miss him too, even when you text him throughout the day to make sure he’s taking breaks and eating when he can.

so when he comes home and finds you asleep with the lamp still on and your face pushed into his pillow with your headphones on, with the video you were watching on autoplay, he can’t help but feel bad about making you wait up for him. still, he finds you so cute. your lips are puffed out in a pout and you look so calm.

jihoon carefully closes your laptop, unplugging the headphones from it and setting it on the bedside table. he carefully holds your head to get it off the pillow in order to remove your headphones. you grumble softly in your sleep at the slight movement, jihoons scent not as strong anymore.

he can’t really fight the urge to kiss you, even as you sleep. so he presses a soft kiss to your forehead, slipping the headphones off your ears and setting them down on top of your laptop.

he’s already ready for bed, clothes thrown off as soon as he got into the house and a quick stop in the bathroom to wash up. but you? you’re in sweatpants and a hoodie. too many layers and jihoon knows if you keep sleeping like this, especially beside him, you’ll overheat. so he kisses your cheek softly, one over your nose, a few over each eye, your chin, your jaw; wherever he can reach.

you stir softly, whining and curling into yourself as you slowly wake up. jihoon placed another kiss to your cheek as you slowly open your eyes. “ji, you’re home.” you almost whisper, voice tired and ridden with sleep.

“hi my love. i missed you.” his hand carefully brushes the side of your face as he finally lets himself kiss you on the lips. you return it as best you can.

“missed you too, pretty. did you eat?” jihoon can’t help but smile at the way you still care to check on him, even after you’ve just woken up.

“i did. c’mon, let’s get you out of this so we can sleep.” jihoon’s hands slide to the hem of your sweater. you make very little effort to help him out, and so he pulls you up to his chest to help you slip it over your head.

the sweats are easier to remove. he pulls them over your ass and lays you back down before throwing the covers over himself. you curl into his side, pressing a soft kiss to his jaw.

he reaches over, grabbing the remote to turn on something for background noise for the two of you to fall asleep to. he turns the lamp off, rolling over slightly to hold you. you kiss him softly, and then give him a few more kisses, and both of you kiss slowly until they dissolve into nothing as the two of you start to fall asleep.

back hugs and palm kisses

jihoon normally finds you in the kitchen making breakfast when he wakes up. still half asleep, he wraps his arms around your waist, pressing his chest into your back. he kisses your neck softly, pressing his face into your skin. “g’morning love.” he murmurs against your neck.

you smile softly, placing the spatula down on the holder on the stove. you step back from the stove, his feet following your movements. you turn around in his hold and he protests slightly, perfectly content with the position he was holding you in.

your hand slides up to his cheek, thumb resting over the bone and edge of your palm against his lips. he puckers them softly, placing a soft kiss to your palm. the action makes you flush softly, so he does it again and you brush your thumb against his cheek. “morning.” jihoon removes one of his hands from your waist to place it over your hand on his face.

he grabs it, removing it from his face and kissing your palm and then your knuckles, eyes locked onto yours. you stay like that for a while, him kissing your hand, and then finally your lips.

the pan crackles on the stove. “oh, shit. the eggs!” both of you laugh as you quickly turn to your attention to the stove.

making up

“so. you’re on a break now.” your hands massage jihoon’s shoulders as you lean over him in his desk chair. “why don’t we take a little vacation? get away for a few days, hm?” jihoon doesn’t even look up from his home computer.

“i have work to do, y/n.” you press your thumb down into his neck.

“i just thought that… y’know, you’ve been so busy, it would be nice to take some time away from everything.” you sigh. this makes him turn around in his chair. his eyebrows are furrowed.

“jesus christ, i have so much work to do right now, i can’t afford to take a break.” he snaps. this makes you flinch back, away from him. you raise your hands in surrender.

“if you didn’t want to go, you could’ve just said so.” you shift uncomfortably on your feet. “come to bed when you’re finished, i’m going to sleep.” without another word, you leave his home office, and head to your shared bedroom.

getting into bed, you sigh, feeling uneasy about how on edge your boyfriend’s been lately. he needs this break, but he’s not able to properly recognize when he needs one himself. he complies with you on the breaks, but this time he didn’t.

half an hour later, jihoon walks into the bedroom with slumped shoulders. your back is away from the door, the lamp still on which means you’re still awake.

jihoon sits on the bed beside you. his hands itch to reach out and rub your back to comfort you in the same way he always does when you’re upset. the only difference now is that you’re upset at him, which means he doesn’t know if you’d push him away. “baby, i’m so sorry.” his voice is quiet. “i’m sorry for snapping at you like that. i didn’t mean to, i’ve just been so tired and stressed… and you’re right. i need to take a break.” once he stops talking briefly, you roll over to face him.

“i wish you would’ve just told me if you didn’t want to go somewhere with me instead of reacting like that.” you sigh, and jihoon sees the dried tear tracks on your face and it makes him feel worse.

“i know, baby, i know. i’m so sorry. i do want to go somewhere with you, though. i’ve just been so in my head about this song that it’s… i really need a break.” he sighs, fingers twitching to reach out and touch you. you notice and take his hand. “lets go camping, hm? no internet, no distractions, no work; just us.” his thumb strokes the back of your hand. you smile softly at him.

“okay,” is all you offer.

“lets call it a night, okay? i’ll figure out details in the morning.” he places a kiss to the back of your hand, sliding down the bed to lay down beside you.

“okay. i love you.” you whisper, and jihoon feels like a massive weight has been lifted off his chest.

“i love you too. i’m so sorry if i made you feel like i didn’t, or if i made you feel like i don’t want to spend time with you. i do, but you know how i get sometimes and i’m sorry for taking it out on you.” you peck his lips softly.

“i know, love. stop apologizing please and come here.” you pull him close to you and give him another kiss. all is forgiven, and that’s all jihoon needs to know. he still feels bad though, and he spends the entire camping trip making it up to you. in many ways.

exhibitionism

“fuck, stop doing that.” jihoon hisses, hands tightening against your hips. you raise an eyebrow at him innocently.

“what do you mean, hoonie?” the water of the pool splashes around you. everyone else is significantly more drunk than you two are. you wiggle your hips again, and he pushes his fingers into your hip bone in a warning.

“you’re making me hard.” is all he offers, lips brushing against your ear. you know your boyfriend, and if it was actually a problem, he’d push you off of him. but with the state of everyone else, no one has noticed a thing. everyone has left you two in your own world in the pool as they all decided to relax in the hot tub. soonyoung and seokmin are busy entertaining everyone by singing love songs, with the microphones dangerously close to the hot water.

“maybe that’s the goal.” jihoon turns and pushes your back against the edge of the pool. his fingers slip under the band of your bottoms.

“in front of everyone? fuck, you’re lucky they’re drunk. gonna take you in this fucking pool.” you suspected your boyfriend might have been a bit of an exhibitionist, and this little trip with the rest of seventeen and their respective partners was only confirming it.

jihoon slides his hand down your skin, index finger pressing into your clit. you bite your lip to silence a moan. “you always brag about how you can be quiet if you need to be. why don’t we test that out?” he lifts you up slightly, before pushing his fingers into you. you bite back the low moan you nearly let out successfully, and palm him through his trunks.

“just fuck me, please. it’s been torture not being able to have you because we’re sharing a room with soonyoung and his partner.” you wrap your legs around his waist. jihoon removes his fingers from inside you. he pushes your bottoms to the side, sliding his shorts down to free his cock. with his hands on your hips, he guides you down onto his cock.

true to your word, you stay quiet, but jihoon can see how much you’re struggling. “fuck, so fucking tight.” he’s never this vocal. something about potentially getting caught must be doing something to him.

“you like this? god, na pd was right. you are an exhibitionist.” you laugh softly, the sound getting cut off when he pulls you down onto his cock.

“it took you this long to figure out? i fuck you in my studio enough. you know how people can see into my studio from the big ass windows.” he kisses your neck softly. “what can i say? i like the thrill.” you clench around him, and he moans softly.

mingyu calls over to the two of you. “you guys doing okay? you should come join us in the hot tub.” jihoon bites his lip as you keep clenching.

“yeah, just give us a minute. y/n wants to swim for a bit longer.” a chorus of boos echoed from the hot tub, before everyone is back to ignoring you. “fuck, you’re gonna kill me, gonna get us caught.” jihoon whispers, kissing you softly.

ugh i hope i did these justice. theyr all so good HELP. also new dividers, i hope they look okay. i love u pink ribbon anon gmammgmak these r gonna kill me if i think abt them for too long.

[rodolfoparras]

I was reading over some of your piss stuff and the one where you said “if you want to find out if you have a piss kink, read dry humping + piss” caught my eye. Now I know I have a piss kink but it got thinking a little bit.

So imagine something happens with on a mission with you and price, and y’all somehow end up knocked out but alive. So when you wake up, you’re tied down to a chair, blindfolded, and you feel a weight on top of you. After who knows how long, you hear prices voice and he starts moving, accidentally grinding onto your cock. He’s tied up so his legs are on the chair but his arms are stuck above his head. (Could they probably get out since they are in the military, yes but horny is more important than the facts rn)

Now that can already go somewhere, but imagine they’re stuck there for awhile. I mean last time price went piss was probably earlier that day, so now all of that’s coming back to him. So now price, who desperately needs to piss and can’t hold still, is stuck on top of his sergeant, who’s overstimulated from price’s constant movement on his cock.

The horniness in me is taking over and I had to share with the class.

-🤠

Can I say how happy I am that we’re being open about our piss kink it’s literally such a common kink it’s just that it’s considered so shameful no one dares to be open about it

Now my absolute favorite thing is when piss kinks comes with humiliation, fat tears soaking through the blindfold price is wearing, teeth sinking into his bottom lip as a prominent stream shows up on the jeans he’s wearing all while he’s muttering the words “im sorry I’m sorry fuck I’m so sorry” and you’re just like “it’s okay don’t worry about it”

“Think I’m done” he says after he’s finished, you cant even see his face but you can hear how embarrassed he is and you try your best to comfort him “hey it’s okay really” you say to him trying to comfort him but the issue isn’t that he’s covered both you and him in piss but rather the boner he’s sporting

And for a moment it’s completely silent between the two of you while you try to scramble your brain for something to say but as you do so you feel his boner and you freeze up, he takes it a bad sign, already ready to apologize “Fuck I’m sorry, -“ but you don’t respond instead you grind up into him and he’s like wh-what are you doing and you’re like what do you think I’m doing fuck help me out here and you continue to grind up against each other til you cum pants soaked completely and he’s whining in both overstimulation and embarrassment and you’re like hey hey easy easy just relax for me yeah?

[employee052]

kinda vent under the cut? idk

(prefacing this by the fact that this is made at around midnight my time, so this is probably just my brain being a stinker rn)

i hate how i just dont have many thoughts for tsp rn

its still my main fandom, i love it dearly, but i cant think of any story or thing to do with it rn, and its making me sad

i wish i had a unique narrator design thats elegant and unique and brings something new to the table

i wish i had a cool sprawling au that tells its own story thats based in tsp

i wish i could have an au with an amazing story that brings something new while also staying the same, the balance of new and old

i want to find that spike in brainrot for the game again, i want to do something with it

but my mind rn is just...

blank.

idk, it might just be the late night voices speaking, but im just worried that im not really bringing anything new.

i want to make a cool new au that tells this cool story with lore drops n plot events and whatnot

but my aus are simple n light mostly, out of bounds/fourth wall is self indulgent "hey what if they were taken to the real world", control group is just me sticking to the base game while also still doing the real world schtick of fourth wall

and outside of that... nothing.

i want to tell a story, i want to explore their characters again, to tug at heartstrings and to have people feel

idk. maybe im just feeling self conscious over having fourth wall as an au

n thats not even getting to how ive been feeling self conscious over my designs recently, with tk, curator, and lynne their designs feel unique enough that i feel okay with. but with my narry? with virgil??? i feel like the swoop isnt enough anymore. i feel like i need to do more with it but idk what or where or why

because i love my narry design so far, but meanie voice in my heads telling me that its too simple, that theres a dozen other narrator designs like mine that are 10x more cooler and unique and original than mine, n i feel bad bc i felt this issue last year, and its one of those things that doesnt seem like its going to leave me any time soon.

idk. im rambling rn

ill probably delete this later idk.

ty for reading ig if anyone does. gonna go sleep this train of thought out.

[hermanunworthy]

!DNDADS S2 EP46 SPOILERS!

im getting to listen to this right as it drops. and frankly. i am TERRIFIED. ive heard about Bad Things Coming and i fear this episode may kill me. pray for me guys

- WTF DOES THIS TITLE MEAN. WHY LINCOLN

- NO ONE WILL DIE THIS EPISODE #AFFIRM

- MATT. NOT THE TIME.

- THE CLUSSY???

- WILL BEING AN ADAMANT CASS DEFENDER. U ARE SO REAL MAN

- I HATE LISTENING TO THIS AT HOME IM LAUGHING TOO LOUD ALREADY

- THE MOANING. QUIT IT ALREADY IM GONNA CRY

- SCAMSTER ORIGIN STORY WTF????

- we already knew this. but. evil. they are so silly and awful

- 3/4 NOOOO I WAS HOPING FOR HERMIE DAD ARC..... but ofc were not gonna get it

- NOT WILL GETTING EXCITED ABOUT ACTUALLY FIGHTING TAYLOR. FUCK

- SWIFTLI AND NORMSCARY YESSS

- WILL WHAT IS THIS VOICE UR DOING

- the fact that theyre not remembering hermie as the actual next in line is killing me im ngl

- FREDDIE RANDOMLY MAKING NPCS W DUDEBRO VOICES IS MY FAVE THING

- MATTS LAUGH WHEN HE ROLLED THAT NAT1. GOD I FELT THAT IN MY SOUL

- OH *ABRAHAM* LINCOLN??? IS THAT WHO THE TITLE IS REFERRING TO 😭

- WTF IS THIS EPISODEEEE I KNEW THEYD DO SOME CRAZY DUMB SHIT TO GET OUT OF TJIS

- HERMIE HERMIE HEMRIE

- WHY ARE U ONLY JUST NOW REMEMEBRING HERMIE

- ISTG IF THAT IS HERMIES ONE ONLY LINE THE WHOLE WPISODE IM GONNA KILL

- NOT TAYLOR INHERITING THE CLOSE FIGHT BETTING INSTINCTS

- FIND JODIE????? IM GONNA DIE

- hang on hold up. breakfast break

- ANTHONY "BC HE PUNCHED U REALLY HARD" "YEAH FUCKED UP RIGHT??" IM CRYING

- WHAT IS THE FANART FOR THIS FIGHT GONNA BE LIKE.

- NORMALS IN DEATH SAVES NOOOO

- "HIM LOOKING BACK ON HIS LIFE, HIM GETTING DUNKED ON 24/7" STOP IT WILL STOP IT I DONT NEED THIS RN

- oakicks nation were winning ig

- "THATS BRISK BABY" SCREAMING

- SO THE JEZZBALL WASNT BC OF HENRY.... ☹️

- NO NO NO PLZ DONT HURT NORMAL MORE

- PLZ IM SO STRESSED I NEED NORMAL TO BE SAFE

- MATT IS JUST SO UNHINGED THIS EP

- IS LINK GONNA KILL SHMEGAN???

- RON IS STILL HERE???

- TAYLOR IS SO USELESS NOW HELPPP

- THIS EPISODE IS SO DUMBBBB

- NOT ANOTHER EXPLODING HEAD DEATH

- NORMAL IS OKAY!!!!

- HE LOST HIS MUSTACHE LMAOOO

- david lovesatan will NEVER be jodie foster >:[

- NOOOO THEYRE GONNA TAKE DOOD

- SHMEGAN IS DEAD

- NORMALS GONNA GET FUCKING HIT AGAINNNNN I CANT DO THIS

- DOOD UNLEASHED?????

- THIS IS DOODS 100% EXPLOSION FOR ALL MY FELLOW MP100 FANS OUT THERE

- .....is it too early to say that this episode is NOT as bad as i feared

- bc i seriously thought henry would be coming back and shit would happen w hermie and it would be super awful evil but ig thats NEXT episode. god

- TY BETH FOR REMEMBERING HERMIE 🙏🙏

- WHERE ARE THEY???

- okay fbi office okay..... okay....

- WHAT???? HERMIE?????? WHAT

- WHAT

- WHAT

- AM I GONNA GET SOME AWFUL HERMIE CLIFFHANGER. I WILL KMS

- WHY IS HERMIE CHOKING WHAT

- WHY IS HERMIE BLEEDING OUT?????

- IF HERMIE DIES I WILL DIE. DONT DO THIS TO ME WHAT IS HAPPENING

- HERMIE GOT SHOT

- OH GOD OH NO

- ANTHONY. COME ON.

- HERMIES CALLING OUT FOR FUCKING NORMAL??????

- WHAT THE FUCK

- PLZ DONT KILL HERMIE PLZ

- NO

- GUYS.

- GUYS

- IM GONNA KMS

- HERMIE IS DEAD.

- HERMIE LIKES NORMAL BACK AND HERMIE IS DEAD.

- guys im done

- i literally cant even process this i cant even cry yet im just

[autisticempathydaemon]

hello everynyan :3 /ref

4 the redacted match-ups ! not sure if you're still doing these or not bc i'll be damned i'd give up after the first 3 🙌🙌🙌 power 2 ya ! (if you ARE, in fact, not doing these anymore pls ignore this. this never happened. kay.)

What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why?

this was the hardest question bc i LOVEEMUSIC so bad i can never really pick ONE fav bc it changes every 2 seconds but !!! gun to my head as of rn i'd say -- "but not kiss" - faye webster

'i want to see you in my dreams,

but then forget.

we're meant to be,

but not yet.

you're all that i have,

but can't get.'

i chose this song primarily because of the aesthetics & instrumental,, + the feels - i love how the piano carries and portrays every feeling (dread? maybe?) alongside the vocalist ugh sick to my stomach /pos

as for the verses i've chosen i just. really like the way she sings them HA i guess depending on my current mood i might relate to the lyrics for .5 seconds due to a past relationship of mine that had me fuckedd anyway.

Do you love gargantuan Youtube video essays, and if so, which is your favorite and why?

i WISH i could enjoy these as much as others but i have the attention spam of a fucking goldfish i need to be stimulated 24/7. i cannot stare at the same face and occasional photo/clip for over 10 mins.

i might watch more of em if they had like a satisfying slime video in the corner or smth. i find i only watch ones that have a topic/interest of mine that i am actively curious about/into????if that makes sense??

for instance, the only one that comes to mind rn is "in defense of chat noir" by toon ruins UGH ITS SO GOOD i used to be a huge fan of miraculous so that defffinitely takes part in why i rewatch it every few months.

What is your go-to way to fall asleep?

on my stomach. arms under pillows. one leg up. yo i bought these headphones made specifically for sleeping while listening to relaxing noises or smth & i kid you not i use them shits to listen to asmr/rp audios. sometimes it puts me to sleep other times i'm up all night tryna figure out what position the listener and 'character' are in. anyway!!!

If you had to change your name, what would it be, and why? (In tandem, if you have changed your name, why did you pick that one?)

first thing that comes 2 mindd for whatever reason is 'may' ?? possibly bc i really like my birth name already and 'may' is somewhat close to it already? also because i'd love writing it over and over in my handwriting . probably just an excuse to write the letter 'y' actually.

What is your favorite of Redacted’s audios, and why?

fav character changes ALLL THE TIMEE for no reason my fav is all of them rlly i just wanna love and be loved BUT when i reaaaally think about it ?? hudson. even though he's like. an easter egg. i cant have anything. wanna "D D D D DDDJJJ ANXIETY" into his pants. what. who said that. just got hacked wtff

What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don’t get the hype for. (I won’t judge, I promise.)

a know a LOTT of ppl love david but i am sorry i just cannot. angel better than me idk how they do it. srry. my momma raised a bitch. i've never ever gotten to finishing any of his videos so maybe im the problem but from the get-go THIS BITCH IS SCARY BRO he's so damn intimidating . the fact that his voice is rlly deep doesn't help either :C ..& don't even get me started on early david.

Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend?

this is such a good question rlly makin me think . hmm . OK I FEEL LIKE A BASIC BlTCH BC PPL HAVE BEEN SAYIN THIS ALREADY BUT . hux. we like this 🤞 . as for why?? i feel like i need and would . honestly really appreciate more,, warmth and positivity in my life - and i def get that sorta 'aura' from him. & i know damn well he'd give the best hugs. and we could go to the gym together. it'd be so fun. so precious.

Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you’re tired, and if so, what is it? (For example, my boyfriend knows I’m ready to sleep when I start talking about space.)

ok first of all #relationshipgoals that is so sweet awe :((

i wouldn't say i really 'ramble' per say -- i just talk. to myself. like a normal person. mhm. i struggle with sleep in general, so i'm usually up till like 5am. typically endlessly scrolling through my phone, or talking to the abyss about something personal that's been on my mind for a while. if it's really bad, i cry in my voice memos. if i just need to - refresh? get smth off my mind so i can sleep? i write songs.

...and then i record them on my $15 wireless headphones. onto that very same voice memos app.

Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo.

if im being honest,, depends on my mood . but god could i fuck up some strawberry milk and mini oreos right about now. . mind you i've had strawberry milk like once but it changed my life u dont understand

Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment.

i mean i don't listen to it 24/7 but man i outdid myself w this one. it's called "insanity" and every single song matches the vibe of . just straight up 'otherworldly' ?? if u catching what im throwin?? all songs r pretty 'out-there' - in terms of the vibes - at least i like to think so. for reference it has songs like "goth - sidewalks and skeletons" and "eternal youth - růde" . IDK i guess it makes me happy when songs from a playlist actually match up with one other

What’s your guilty pleasure media, and why?

i listen to this japanese-kawaii-metal-based group called BABYMETAL and i loveee them soso much. a few "metal enthusiasts" go out and call their work 'not real metal' , which is why i guess you can technically call their music a pleasure media -- as well as the fact that whenever i put on one of their songs mfs r like ... what is this - cause its three young japanese girls talking abt bubblegum with the the most insane guitar riff in the back. their newer stuff is incredible. womanhood at it's finest. give them a shot plspls /nf

ALL DONE !! ty 4 reading & have a lovely day/night, wherever you may be <3

Oh, this one is perfect and required, like, no thought. Vibes-wise? Given your energy? It’s just gotta be Guy.

Building on that, I love that you write songs and he writes screenplays(?). I think it’s so cute to pair writers together so that you might inspire one another and be each other's biggest fans. I also like Guy for you because he strikes me as one of those people who calls themselves “polyjamorous”, listening to basically anything and everything. He loves all your songs and all your playlists, vibing along to all of it even if there’s no words or words in another language. He doesn’t care: he’s with you, so he’s having a good time.

I would predict a fun, artistic life for the two of you like parallel-playing co-writing sessions with the two of you having individual headphones on, making funny faces at one another when you catch the other staring. You take turns showing each what you’ve created and hyping each other up, offering critique. When the writer's clock keeps y’all up till 3 AM, he’s got leftover pizza and any snacks you could possibly want. (He strikes me as the sort of guy who always has junk food caches.)

Song:

It was just two lovers/ Sittin' in the car, listening to Blonde/ Fallin' for each other/ Pink and orange skies, feelin' super childish/ No Donald Glover/ Missed call from my mother/ Like, "Where you at tonight?" Got no alibi/ I was all alone with the love of my life

Given your passion for music, I tried to pick a love song for y’all that was emotionally evocative to the mind and the ear. I chose this one because I thought the piano instrumental and how it evokes that mental imagery of sitting with someone during the golden hour might resonate with you. I also like it for y’all because this song got really popular on tiktok, and Guy would probably know it from there.

Runner-ups:

Obviously, we have to have Hudson as a runner-up. As a DJ, he’d be so loving and so supportive of your craft, hyping you up on air all the time and playing your work whenever he can. He’d also make you really bomb-ass playlists. A less obvious runner-up would be Anton, but I really like this one. You’d be more of an opposites attract sort of pair, but I think it’d be cute, and listening to music would remind Anton of you while he’s away~

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[amourtoken]

phil is the type of evil man to have you on your knees in between his legs while hes man spreading on the couch, bent over towards you w his elbows on his knees and using his hand to push tgth your cheeks n pucker up your lips as far as they can go. n he makes you say the most Depraved shit you want him to do to u☹️ knows how embarrassing it is. but hes all “c’mon baby, you have to tell daddy what you want or he cant help you. y’know i hate it when my princess doesnt get what she wants.” and you whimper with tears in your eyes. you finally concede, getting out the closest thing to an ‘okay, daddy’ that you can. he almost feels bad. but he has the nerve. the gall. to smile. to take that hand squeezing your cheeks tgth in that adorable way (thats also making him so hard he can see god) and nod your head for you, speaking in a devastatingly hot mocking and cocky way— “yeah, i knew my little girl could use that brain of hers for once.”

im always on my phil shit i hope u dont mind

Im also on my Phil shit rn and you're the plug so ily I'd never mind <3

i think I've said it before but the one thing this man has is the fucking audacity right, he knows making you paint the picture of what you want him to do to you out loud is cripplingly humiliating but the way that pretty blush spreads across your cheeks down to your chest is worth every second to him. He knows you can say it, you just don't wanna. Sometimes we have to do things that are difficult to get what we really want though, right?

“yeah, i knew my little girl could use that brain of hers for once.”

Him finally giving your face a break by letting go after saying it but just lightly tapping your cheek to keep your attention on him. It'd be hard for it to be anywhere else in the first place but you're so malleable when you're in this fuzzy headspace that it's entertaining to play with you.

speaking of, as much as he wants to fuck your throat right then and there or have you split on his cock, he can hold himself back to draw it out for as long as he needs to. He has the worst oral fixation in the world and not even for himself, he gets so fucking hard when your mouth is on him that he rlly cant help himself. Phil brushes his thumb over your bottom lip and has you open your mouth so he can press it against your tongue. He'll never get sick of the feeling, or the view, watching your lips wrapped around his fingers like you're sucking his cock (although they're nowhere near as thick)

Just the one finger isn't enough ofc it takes bo time until he's fucking his two middle fingers into your throat and sighing at how you tighten around them when you're trying your best to fight off your gag reflex. You're still working on that, luckily he's abundantly patient with you. At least that's what he disguises himself as, really he loves how messy you get when you're struggling to take his fingers or his cock down your throat and watching the mess of spit drip down your face makes his dick twitch.

"Just relax baby I know you can take it, you're okay. Doin' so good for daddy"

His voice sounds sweet but is always laced with that condescending undertone. You don't have the brain power right now to overthink it though, too focused on taking a deep breath after he pulls his fingers out of your throat and pulls you in for a messy kiss as reward for doing a good job. His fingers tangle in your hair to press your face against his thigh, your cheek rubbing against his achingly hard cock through his pants. You just follow his lead, looking up at him with pretty puppy eyes waiting for him to give you what you really want.

"What? Gotta use your words baby girl, tell daddy what you want and he'll give it to you."

[nicegaai]

I used to not care about Sweden ships that much but then my third eye was opened to his shipping potential and I now love every Nordic ship with him.

SuFin - need I say anything? Iconic. Next.

DenSu - Enemies to friends to rivals to friends again to fuck buddies to lovers

SuNor - surprisingly sexy. Ship that's able to simultaneously bring out the best and worst in both of them.

SuIce - why just give him Ice a big brother kink? Give him a daddy kink TOO

All this to ask, any headcanons for SuNor specifically or for Swe ships in general?

HELLO my dear my beloved my angel of the askbox. i love this journey youve been on, you are completely correct in everything and ur suice take made me scream out loud btw <3 i want my babybabyboy 2 have a daddy kink so bad <3

YES OFC 🫡 SYNTHESIZING MY MINDS VERSION OF MRSWEDEN INTO SM COHERENT FOR YOU POSTHASTE

(edit: this was not very posthaste of me.................... enjoy anyway if u are still out there... i love you...)

hard agree that sunor is So Hot. im obsessed w them as a concept. like. you dont even know

first of all sunor has the norice problem where ppl want to assign them Platonic Sibling energy but then u look at them and its like why is there clearly sexual tension here...... i suspect its norways fault for havign that sexy voice disease where everything he says comes off flirty. and sweden is -- 🧠💥 wait wait wait wait wait

its coming together. sweden spent a lot of his life as a closeted gay man and was very uptight about it (source: look at him), claiming to humans that nations dont do sex and that he is a good asexual boy with no impure thoughts and other times pretending to have interest in women to fit in, depending.

but norway is shamelessly himself in every era—at least in comparison to sve... he wont pretend to be something hes not. and he wouldnt hesitate to fuck a strange man for fun, even in times where getting caught would severely damage his reputation. sweden even in modern day would not do one night stands. or you know. never say never, but hes LEANING never. norway is leaning Always.

what im saying is. sve would be so jealous that nor is living his best life and doesnt feel shame, even in an era(s) where he really should. and i think due to a series of cinematically coincidental outside circumstances (my brain is writing a fanfic without me rn) (edit: i have since forgotten the fanfic), they would start butting heads about it, not in the same way su and den fight... theyre passive aggressively sniping at each other. sve wants him to represent himself better, and nor is like i can literally do what i want forever.

from the outside it looks like a brotherly disagreement over differing life choices, but its 100% sexual tension fueled. nor is like lmao why are you mad? are you jealous? and would come onto him to freak him out and sve would be like STOP this is WRONG but he wants it so bad and they both know it. he hates nor because hes hot and fucking everyone but him and the one thing he can't do is admit he wants him. ...all norway has to do to win is keep teasing him until he breaks, but it would take several years. not decades, bc even if the flirting is infrequent sweden is not strong enough for this treatment.

... in general, i think they have different views of sex. to me norway has a high sex drive, lower than average standards, and doesn't feel shame as acutely as he does and sweden cant stand it. that's my sunor headcanon. they fuck anyway ofc but in modern day sve has made nor get std tested at least once. but could they be exclusively together like a monogamous ship? .............. i could be convinced.

OTHER SU SHIPS, QUICK FIRE ROUND

sufin - need we say more? i want to anyway... i love them married with kids i love them divorced i love them in a 500 year unlabeled situationship i love them one-sided and i dont really prefer one dynamic over another tbh. actually wait i do have a hot take. i think finland deserves to top sometimes. FinSu nation rise up <3

densu - what can i even add to this... they should look like the happiest couple on the surface but be crazy & toxic behind closed doors. theyre perfectly normal guys when separated but when left alone together they scare me. this is a good thing to me btw

suice - jsgdk gjk s klga liwi egi j tjil 2 t. g 8aw9e gae0jo d ;gawj dp2gjawodgijl aij e 0g;eglj aw irgl ajoweg lahrigawi egji awlji dg d i need to write them together more i could get so insane ab these two & i have a scene planned for my longfic where they fuck like crazy and i think ab it once a week. suice is so cute. theyre so cute. AHH

[lmanburg-letter-service]

[[cw for talk of abuse n ctommys exile, mention of cwilburs death on nov 16 , also cdream neg ..!!!]]

dear dream ,

hai its me . tommy. i dont know why im writing this i guess to get it out my system? haha get it ?system .. (im part of one of those get it) . but uh. i really really hate you. like, so much. i wish i never joined thag stupid server so i never wouldve seen your stupid face (mask..) and hear ur stupid voice. i hate you so much it hurts i think. but i also miss you so much it hurts. it feels like my hearts being clawed at. ive even gotten to the point where ive considered doing a canoncall for you , but i know for me thag wouldnt be healthy. (also my social anxiety would make be turn in2 a RAISIN)

i miss the times when you seemed to actually care about me. i dunno if you did, honestly i dont like thinking abt it. i miss your hugs (it was warm even if your armor was stabby and cold) and your head pats and hair ruffles. i miss leaning on your shoulder and falling asleep there. i miss laughing and joking with you(even if you were just laughing at me.) i hate missing these things so much, you abused me and found it FUN AND LAUGHED, i dont wanna miss you. i know theres like psychological reasons for thag like TraumaBonds and conditioning (NOT THE KIND FOR HAIR APARENTLY!!!!) but it still sucks to experience i guess. it also sucks because it feels like , me feeling like that means all the bad stuff you did to me Worked in ur favour and thats stupid.

i saw you like .. a big brother i guess? sometimes like a vauge father figure. MD called u my dad once haha. i guess tbat mightve been cuz i just lost my real big brother that sometimes was fathercoded a couple weeks before the exile stuff happened n i needed a sorta replacement?. or maybe not, i rlly cant tell. sometimes i still think about you as my big brother, even though i have a big brother now (and then, hes a wilbur :3) whos way more epic than you EVERR will be!!!!!

you always took my pain as a joke. as sometjing to laugh at. thought i was "too fun" to just, leave alone. i dont even know what that means. the more im writing this the more im thinking abt how u view me and thats NOT a rabbit hole i wanna go down rn.. esp cuz im abt to sleep... hope u sleep on a uncomfortable bed snd wake up all stiff like cardboard btw dream . id churkle at that tbh!

i think thags all i wanna say right now. so, bye. if you ever wanna write back go ahead but i probably will ignore it, i dont want to talk 2 u ever again preferabley.

sincereally the coolest fella in town,

tommy toms tomathy (im a fictive by the by..!!!!!)

[Letter Sent!]

[onlyjaeyun]

DADDY’S HOMEEEEE PART 2 🙏🏼🙏🏼except this time i’m in astronomical pain. im sliding down the wall… holding my head in misery… pulling my hair out my scalp…. tears rolling down my face…. staring at the wall with nothing but pure agony in my eyes… no words. literally no words. i’ve typed out like three sentences yet i already took 5 breaks already. zadie what THW FUCKKKKKKK🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️ WHAT EVEN IS GOING ON ATP??????????? 1) they fucked AGAIN (EVERYONE ACT SURPRISEDDDD) and hoon was an actual human being this time????? like what??? when the aftercare parts started i literally had to double check whether or not im fr fr reading CH rn or nah because WHAT???

BREAKING NEWS: NEW AND SHOCKING PHENOMENA APPEARS AS THE APPEARANCE OF PARK SUNGHOON FROM ‘COLD HEARTS’ SHOWCASES HIM ACTING LIKE AN ACTUAL HUMAN (HOMOSAPIEN) BEING RATHER THAN HIS DEFAULT BEHAVIOUR OF AN ASSHOLE???????????????????

okay now that that’s out of the way let’s move on to 2) wait first i’ll like to say that i won’t be able to cover up all the events of what happened so im just going to talk about what i can remember rn anywho SO 2)😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 ik damn well u did not just make riki & yn argue 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂if that even counts as an argument or misunderstanding idk but just the fact that they’re not speaking nicely to eachother made me shed a tear. and also whAT THE FUCK???? WHO THE FUCK IS TALKING ABOUT MY GIRL?????????? nah because if this is fuma’s response or anger to yn bailing out on him last minute bcs mister park decided to man up and ask for pussy generously this time then i really hope that fuma gets hit by a basketball square in the face fr 😐 bitchass rat who tf do u think u are to do some shit like that. u and yn DIDNT make ur shit exclusive so what the fuck is ur actual problem ⁉️⁉️ u wanna fight me so bad ooooo u wanna get fucked up 🤼🤼 u wanna get fUCKED UP 🤼🤼🤼🤼🤼🤼🤼🤾🤾🤾🤾🤾🤾🤾🤾🤾PULL UP RN FUMA. PULL UP HOE ‼️‼️ atp with the whole hoon straight up being a munch followed by the double KNOCK OUT DING DING DING🔔🔔🔔 combo of someone snitching on yn + riki getting in a fight— im losing the idgaf war fr 😁😁 i’m genuinely fighting demons & voices rn. i cannot do this bro. i fr thought i was built for zadie angst but gang i cant do this one, im not a fighter im not a survivor im a victim 💔💔 i cant thug this one out bro i genuinely can’t 🤣🙏🏼🙏🏼 how am i supposed to move on from the fact that riki got into an argument with the only family member he still has left because of some bitchass sewage rat. how am i supposed to accept the fact that yn isn’t gonna visit him because she knows he’s angry at her 😂😂😂🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 (im not tearing up dawg there’s just a washing machine in my eyes it’s all good bro dw it’s coo🙏🏼) zadie pls go easy on us i know u said there’s another wave of angst coming but please bro what about my heart what about my artery what about my soul. anyways i’m gen having a headache now so i’ll stfu 🙏🏼

before i end this i just want to say (since i havent sent an ask in so long first of all fuck off to that anon who said ch is boring or smth do me a favour and disappear pls [no i’m just playing] but genuinely it’s not that hard to stop reading smth when u start disliking it 🙏🏼) zadie i genuinely hope that you’re taking care of yourself like fr fr. especially after u stayed up till like what 5 am to write smth first of all let’s get a round of applause for madam zadie come on now 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏mhm 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏i know that’s right 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏now that’s what i’m talking about 👏👏👏👏👏 your dedication and love for the art that u create is genuinely admirable and really shows how much all of this means to you and just honestly thank you so much for dedicating so much energy effort and time of ur days to this work you’re ridiculously talented and the enha community is seriously so lucky to have you zadie :( ilysm thank u sm for sharing ur work and uploading consistently no matter what you’re genuinely so ?????? just an insanely admirable person like ur passion for this is crazy i love it sm and again thank you so much for all ur work and effort, you’ve been putting out banger after banger since hype boy nonstop that’s like an artist dropping an album after an album and all of the songs being number 1 hits material like woah zadie— yk what let’s get another round of applause 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 there we go 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏exactly👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 anywho sending u so so so so much love baby !! please take care of yourself and get enough rest and sleep ! sending u so much love and so many hugs & kisses i can’t wait for the new update (but pls rest !!) :DD <333

- ⁉️

omg bABE WAKE UP LOOK WHO SENT ME AN ASK IM GONNA CRYYYYY!!!!!

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU BABY!!!! I really hope you know just how much your asks mean to me, I always find myself rereading them multiple times before answering because of how happy they make me :( I almost deleted this one on desktop I WAS STRESSEDDDDDD</3

now onto the actual reply!

I love how we all collectively suffered when they finally fucked again AND he actually provided aftercare like a decent fucking human being, WE CHEERED, WE CELEBRATED!!!!

WHY DID THOSE LAUGHING EMOJIS MAKE ME CHUCKLE YOU SOUND SO STRESSED IM SO SORRY :(((( I know the nishimura premium sibling argument was painful but iTS FOR THE PLOT I PROMISE IT WILL BE WORTH IT

nOOO i am lock mad at myself for making y'all hate fume so much even if it was only short lived, HES A GOOD MAN SAVANNAH, A GOOD. MAN. I SWEAR

sigh, I genuinely love your asks so much and am just so happy and grateful because they never fail to make my day. you sent me this a few days ago but I still thought about it every day until now bc I was waiting for a moment finally respond to them, so thank YOU so much for all of your kind words and your genuine reactions. I love and appreciate you so much and am so so so grateful for such genuine love and support, you make this experience the best ever, I love you :(❤❤❤

[mihai-florescu]

i dont know about you but honestly when bad things happen to me i just say " unfortunate ! " in the silliest little voice and it makes me feel better about how god inconvenienced me yet again and should die for it

It's not even about bad things happening To me, it's the fact that my brain blows things out of proportion. This morning i was close to a breakdown at the thought of a bedbug infestation and, like, it wasnt even real. It could be one day, but its not now. Rn im worrying about a project i feel like im not doing enough for, but thats not getting me motivated to do more, i just want to give up and take a hundred year nap. Well it's whatever, i just feel like consistently ive been doing just the bare minimum, but then i looked at my classmates and 70% of the class hadnt even uploaded anything (every week we get some small assignments to look at in class and discuss the following week). Im sure it's just in my head that i feel like im too stupid and i cant do anything right, but i can only see things through my own head so. It's not really helping that i know in theory what the issue is if i dont know what to do About it. Its whatever. Unfortunate !

[companionwolf]

today's delta green recap:

- if we have to kick this door down, I'm gonna scream (amused because my mental image of the agents outside the door rn is one that really shouts 'DOORKICKING IMMINENT' to me)

- the door was unlocked. I'm going 👀?

- BADLY INJURED WOMAN ON THE FLOOR; thank dog for Jean (they're the PC with the most First Aid skill iirc)

- this woman needs a hospital but if we call the cops that's gonna fuck everything up; Jay is ready to take her there though

- JACOB DONT JINX THIS WOMANS SURVIVAL. Also, Joy are you good back there further in the apartment-- scream twice if you need help I guess

- we are searching the apartment! no cop call because we don't want another Incident (:

- (a police station got like. Partially exploded last time SO yeah. * Jacob voice * that was the other guys! * Jay voice * that is entirely irrelevant)

- first roll of the night for alertness; Jacob pay fucking attention (he rolled a 90 -_-)-- he's probably distracted by the prospect of a giant aquarium tbqh

- thud niss from upstairs, let's roll to see if my two go after it?... Jay rolled under my difficulty point and Jacob even lower. Brave (Jay) and stupid (Jacob) are alive and well. In this moment. Maybe that's about to change.

- my boys (gender neutral) are. What's brave AND stupid. Stave? I don't know

- party is split again; we are upstairs and there's a spooky pitch black room with the door ajar. totally cool. #normal

-

- SOMETHING MADE A WET NOISE FROM UNDER THE FUCKING FLOOR?

- Jacob . Jacob look at me. Roll lower. This is a threat <3

- ANYWAY CREATURES BE UPON YOU DUMB BRAVE MOTHERFUCKERS

- ... wait Jacob only succeeded on one roll so far AFAIK and that was the roll I DID to see if he's FOOLHARDY (he is)

-

- Jacob getting smacked by a Horror incident in 3 .. 2 ... 1

- wait no Jay is dodging; crit success on the first meant THE FUCKING CREATURE HIT THE WALL AND JUST DIED IM LOSING IT . Oh the second manages to latch on though that's. Bad

- JACOB HAS BEEN BIT. CREATURE HAS BEEN YEETED. WOUND HAS BEEN TOUCHED. BLOOD HAS BLED.

- in my heart there's a scene in this combat encounter where while the thing is still attached to Jay, Jacob tries to hit with his flashlight, crit fails, and whacks his fellow agent in the head. this didn't happen ofc but. it amuses me greatly

- Jacob. Look at me again. Don't die. (He's at 8/13 health right now LMAO)

- JAY STOMPS ON A CREATURE AND IT DIES. YOURE DOING AMAZING

- Jacob lost 3 sanity; Jay lost 1. It Begins.

- whole party's back together and we're now all fighting the remaining critter...

- the second Jacob's patched up by Jean he's back raring to fight critters; however. He can't see the damn thing. (Rolled a 90 on his search. I bite him.)

- JAY CANT SEE SHIT EITHER LMAO

-

- JAY TO THIS CREATURE: YOU SHALL NOT PASS * blocks it from going downstairs *

- both of my agents got to squish a creature, I'm laughing; anyway, combat encounter survived (jacob jumped on the creature w both feet + SQUISH)

- OH SHIT POLICE SIRENS

- and that's where we're ending tonight

[rv2xlga]

its that time of the night again.

its 4 am, the eepiness is calling me but the voices are louder so ive come on here to rant abt shuake instead of doing smth productive like drawing❤️ i waste away ranting abt shuake on tumblr to drown out my sadness and overwhelming nostalgia at random times of the day, how wonderful!

i did one of those song association annotation thingies to capable of love by pinkpantheress (she’s so queen may i add) and it got me thinking so much about shuake and just as of late ive been thinking of them bc schl is ending so i finally have time to replay and play the games like p3 or tactica and q1/2 and be able to focus my time on them and also bc im seeing a psychiatrist very soon from now! which makes me think abt shuake a lot bc they are like. HUGE projection dolls for me and i think on that.. quite often especially akechi since he’s the main one for me, the one more personal to me. i think abt his bpd and mentally unwell brain quite often (lol) and i think the way their love is is just very fascinating to me.

i guess its nice or interesting i guess, to see the way i feel and view love be shown in a character so out of the blue. the way akechi’s love is for akira can be viewed this way and again, i think it’s all very interesting. i love shuake so much for this reason and what i wanted to talk about mostly today is how much they truly mean to each other. This is one thing i hate ppl in fandom spaces for bc they always manage to find SOMEWAY to ruin any nuances anything COULDVE had (ik atlus did not try past queerbaiting lmfao) and i hate how to anyone else not apart of these spaces but aware of them just sees anyone talking abt a ship and specifically any popular gay ship and is so quick to assume like wait i actually care lol 😭 and i bring this up bc i really love to view their characters like akira and akechi’s characters individually through the shuake lenses and perspective. tbh i dont really care for persona outside of them and obviously a few other things of course but shuake is the real reason why im even fixated on that game still in the first place so of course, naturally i will focus on this.

i love to think on how akechi subconsciously views akira in his head. i like to interpret akechi as just a nerd girlboy who has a little crush and all the fun cutesy things abt being a teen or whatever 😆 i think that’s all so cute and fun for him and i believe its so him and i love to view him as the teen he is, the child inside of him that’s ridiculous and goes off for hours ranting about his favorite things repeating himself over and over until he tires himself out or the lovey dovey part of him that thinks about akira in random parts of his day and cant stop giggling and smiling at a simple text yk like all the cutie things ☹️ it doesn’t remove nuance and it doesn’t remove character bc thats how teens act, obviously not as stereotypical as i described but that’s how ridiculous we are sometimes! and i love to think on how he views all these big horrible issues in a simple lenses.

doing the song associations with so many taylor songs and then a pink one really reminded me of this bc of the fact that taylor’s (OLD) lyrics are just so serious and more “mature” and i mostly mean folklore and evermore bc im talking abt cardigan specifically rn (that song is just so akechi im sorry) to now doing capable of love bc pink’s lyrics are simple! not bad just obviously more simple so i get to really view akechi in these lenses. I get to have that minute of writer relief even if he isnt my character but yk wtv ig😞 anywhoanywho, again, i love to view akechi in a simple lenses as the simple teen girl he is, its fun and why particularly? bc i personally feel it adds so much more depth to their dynamic. akechi has. ALL these problems going on, akira does too but they still make time for each other and ik i dont focus on akira much (im so fake lmao) but he plays into this just as much! although the council of the world has decided for him he must save it not them, he still makes friends with the enemy and enjoys their time together as if none of that wouldve mattered. he still loves unconditionally like if nobody was going to take that all away from him someday and i think thats so beautiful.

akechi still loves akira so much as if they really were together and akira loves him just the same. akechi is going through all these problems mentally and on the outside but still that child part of that craved love and connection/affection seeps through and overtakes him and his emotions, allowing his crow persona to like be free ig? and of course, that was not the only reason i like to think that it couldve been a part, even a teensy part bc again, they are just kids in love lmfao (so cringe) and yes, it is going to be cringe and a bit ridiculous BUT ITS SO SERIOUS YALL DONT UNDERSTAND

the way im not even done unpacking 25 PERCENT OF THEM YET there’s just so much depth that can be added to their connection, i love them they are so cringe-friendly i hate atlus but god bless shuake frfr 🙏🙏 but i just wanted to highlight this a bit bc i felt like i didnt enough in the insta story and tbh still but yk, to get some of it off my chest. i love gay people i can project on always a great flavor im off to my cave of inner thoughts now hopefully i knock tf out ❤️

[kusundei]

god forbid i just woke up rn but. god. GODDD. god. im actually. still tweaking a little.

NO BECAUSE TODAY WAS SO. SOOOO. I feel crazy. i watched jt happen and goddd god he just always finds more ways to plant himself into my head. more ways to make me fold all the fucking time. more ways to ensure i will be actually infatuated by him and crazy im just soooo. SOOOO. UGHHH.

no cuz he literally. i. i was shaking so so MUCH TODAY he just makes me so nervous. it gets to the point esp in photography where i get nervous knowing im about to see him. THAT CLASS HAS ALWAGS MADE ME NERVOUS BUT NOW ITS JUST. godd. how i would do something. ialways want to do something. ANYTHING. i never really do unless he does it first cuz i am scared and afraid. i hate that ab myself i will. never take initative no matter how madly i want something i am too scared of fucking something ul that i never will do anything for myself. (jd how you would condemn me constantly. how you are a horrible tiny voice in my head reminding me i am not good enough always.) I just. UGH. i want to i always want to. THAT FIRST TIME when i grabbed his hand while walking past him and he literally like. idk how ti explain that but he like. grabbed me back. i. i am fucking WEAK. GOD IM ACTUALLY A WRECK HE JUSTMAKES ME INSANE??? god the way i stood up there smiling like an idiot while that guy talked i. am. i am sososo infatuated with you i cannot. my god and then sitting down. i kept pointing u out to the girl just like. god.

u r the one good actor there idk. heh. GOD. the way she asked me if we were a thing after you came pver the first time oh my GOD OH MT FUCKING GOD. the way you were looking at me. the way you kept smiling at me and when u sat down u laid your head on my leg im. immm. IMMMM. i was shaking. so fucking bad my face I WAS BLUSHING no thank god it was dark because when u ran off i just. put my head in my hand sfor a bit. perchance prompting the gjrl to ask. but god you. you make me. more crazy. fall in love with you more. i. cannot explain it. i just i WANTED TO i truly did god forbid you were standing sitting down there next to me and i just. wanted to touch you somehow. THE WAY I GOT A DUCKING PHOTO TOO im just i am sick i am SICKENNNEDDD i. cant stop thinking about it. i wanted to brush my hand through your hair or something. i. immm. IMMM. god. good. fucking. god. “i can tell from how you look at him” whaaat. WHAAAT. “you look at him and you were smiling the whole time i could tell you were in love with him or just really really gay” like thank you. i am. like. madly i cannot get him oht of my head hes the only thing i think about ever. the way she pointed out my constant giggling and blushing and how id point you out all the time. the way she said she thought we would be cute. yeabim fuckinf SICK

everytime you came back over there i wasnt really trying to ignore her but you just. take up all my attention. you always have all my attention i could stare at you forever but i feel weird jts just. youre so distracting. you are so cute. so. attractive??? you attract me. cloud my thoughts. GOD i wish i took some sort of photos of you today i had good chances but i didnt wanna be weird. but j do have that photo of you laying on me so i digress. im just so. UGH. no u r seriously the cutest thing ever i just. i. iiiii. i cant help it. YOU ARE SO CUTE WITHOUT TRYING TO BE everytime you looked at me i just wanted to freak out i love you. i love your face i love your voice . your mannerisms the way you carry yourself. how you interact with other people the way you laugh. hell even when youre tweaking youre so cute its distracting (sorry.) just i am seriously in love with YOU. everything about you. i genuinely adore you. i still cant believe its like reciprocated im so. baffled? im so used to pinning for someone. or someone pinning for me and i struggle to reciprocate. in a selfish manner that was ayden. pinning with no clear end goal. fun but alsohorrible. sickening. he also ruined me. jd as well. as much as i hate to admit when i first got into a relationship with her would i say i was in love wirh her? no not really. i actually was extremely detached from her it was just that. she was familiar. i knew she wouldnt go. thjs is my evil sam confession of tonight but genuinely i. had gotten wirh her in the most evil way. cuz i was off the rails on medication and delirious and i confessed to her (and 2 other people) on a whim to see what would happen. and j knew she would say yes because icwas fucking evil. do i deny and feelings fr her? no not at all. she became my everything. me being in a relationship with hercaused me to fall in love with her. hard. codependantly. thats why you baffle me. i havent felt this sort of way about anyone thjs quickly and in a long time. this is why i dare compare it to ayden and jd because. jd took time. but god i was inlovelovelove with her. ayden? i was also in love with him. i could compare it slightly closely to me right now ab you but i wasnt this crazy. also my attraction to him i realized qas maybe leaning more on a . physical side? and personality of course aiding his case but i digrees. jd i loved inside out for her. is she pretty? of course. but j never really considered it a factor to anything. bella? i didnt know her irl but i was also in lovelovelove with her and was infatuated but it was her personality that drew me in. its just i mention it sm because like. the way i feel about you is like jd (that sort of love where i loved her so much it made me sick. i wouldve done anything for her and i was in lovelovelove with her because she meant so much to me. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE) but i wasnt pbsessed with her. inever felt like how i did wirh ayden or bella with her. freaking out over snall things. with the other two, focusing on ayden more, i was like. infatuated. felt more like me fiending because i could imagine myself in a relationship with him and such. but it wasnt a lovelove thing. j wouldnt call it that . with you its so. different? i feel weird saying it because it truly does soort of feel like a selfcest thing but i like. i love you unconditionally. i am infatuated by you. i have never loved someone like this before in such a small amount of time let alone thjs strongly. and you just make jt sooo muchhh worse YOY ENABLE ME you make me crazy.

okay no more blabbing about jd and ayden (god.) tday i was just so. sooo. no because when i hadfirst gotten there and was following him around i felt like i was beinf judged. i mean of course like im not there normally but WILL. WIIIILLL. i was scared. also me following yoy into the black box the first time i started freakinf out in my own head becauseof qhat i kept saying before but godforbid i will never initiate anything. i just. iwanted to hold your hand. wanted to hug you. maybe. perchance. oh my GODD your smell its driving me jnsane now also just you in general im noticing mtself fall more in love with your appearance too yoyre jist so, ? CUTE?? i could stare at you forever you r so pretty. yourface i just. ugh. the way u smile the way u talk just everything i am seriously. in love with you. anyway your smell gets stronger everyday and god im trying to act like its not making me insane but it is. it is making me fiend more. YEARN. idk why i have such a weird thing with smell im lkke a dog. but god. GODD. im tweakijg out thinking ab it. when i was walking around stage following you. when i looked at you and you ran off. when you kept getting flustered? embarrassed? because i was looking at you? yeaah. i. IMACTYALLY IN LOVE WIRH YOU AOH MY GOD. i just no i cant. im trying not to mention that maybe i am also falling for youappearance wise cuz to me jts not super important and has never been but its aidinf in my insanity and sorry. heh. the suit. THE SUUUUITTT. i. yeah. makes me crazy. you r just sosoocute i want to stare at you without feeling judged i want to look at yoy forever. just adore you from afar. because i truly do. like ugh. UGHH. you stood so close to me all the time. in the blackbox god sitting there with jamario and will and . i forgother name. but they were all talking to me and ROSZA. i see you. im not blind. but god j felt like they all fuckinf knew. AND BEE. i see you from across the room. its just like oh my goddd. nk because you kept doing that thing to my knee and ugh AAYGHHH OH MY FHCKJNG GOD. i. i. you make me weak. i feel so dumb all the time you MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A GIRL I. GOD. when i grabbed you that time and put ur hands back believe me i wouldnt kept my hands there if i didnt get embarassed and u didnt say anythghinf. cuz oh my god GOD GDGOS. the way you kept freakinf out made me freak out mkre and more in my head i dont know how you do it. idk how you think i don’t reciprocate this and jm not crazy in love with you bcuz i am. im just so. SOOO. UGH. and when u moved to sit next to me and u rested ur head on my shoulder yeah that was my last straw. “youre crazy..” YEAH. YEAAAH. YEAAAAAAH. no i meant that you r crazy. and youre driving me insane. i want to do so many things with u i have so many ideas i am seriously in love with you but this feels like a situation. just a little. god forbid it im njst not the biggest fan of situations with no title to it. god jts entertaining though bht i like that confirmation. the title makes me more comfortable. more likely to do things. but i digress i do anything for you. happily im nusr. AUGH. i eish i stayed for cultural night but we had to go i wish in the car i held your hand or something nobody wouldve seen anyway im just. IM STJLL THINMING ABOUT IT i miss your smell. i miss your touch your hands r SO SOFT? IM? GAY???????????????? i literally i adore every inch of you i miss your voice i feel strange sleeping. god forbid i still dabble in those audios to sleep but they feel weird now. cuz i want to sleep to ur voice. like how j used to do with ayden (i hate you and j was crazy) jm just UGH. oh god today was justso. so sosososo lovely j wish it went on forever j wish i had been in drama (lying but not rlly) i wish i didnt have 10 thousand things to do this week and i wjsh i wasnt stressed and that i had my car and that jobi jjsf. goddd. GODDD. im. imm soooo. OK ILL STOP I THINK IGE MENTIONED EVERYRHING TODAY IM NUST SOSOSOS. SOOOO. SOOOOOO.

id put the lhoto i took in here but i feel bad. its for me only i suppose immjsr. so. in love. with you.

[borderline-gays-club]

pure vent post cus this shit is taking over my whole fuckin body I swear to GOD!!!!!!

(i'll prob look back at this and feel so cringe/so embarassed, but mayb it good for me to not ignore all my cringe shit lol) BUT FUCK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 IM OBSESSED WITH SOEMEON WHO ISNT EVEN WORTH IT WHY!!!!!

Like... im at a point now where I can rationalize but also feel. My ratioonal side is still not as powerful as my emotional side. At least that's how I;m looking at it now. And anyway im in this position of being like : these are the reasons that this is purely a delusion, and then the emotional side like trying to convince the ratoinal side that its real, and its worth it and it makes sense. So let me be specific cus i feel like im dancing around it... but i have a coworker who i casually flirt with just at work. We never see each other outside of work, and even at work I don't think we've really had a full on conversation aside from talking about work related shit and the flirtatious comments. And to add another little layer, he was kinda on my radar in the very beginning, way before I even had this obsession (which is VERY new like 2 weeks max). I just wasn't triggered by him until he started to explicitly flirt with me. and that amount of attention IMMEDIATELY flung me into obsession LOL.

so lets play a game: red= bad, yellow= be cautious, green = good basically this is what I know about him. He drinks everynight (red), he is very quiet (yellow), he smokes/vapes (red), he works 6 days a week (red), hes a man (red), he barely talks about himself/mysterious (red), has a nice deep voice (green), has a nice face (green), has a cute smile/laugh (green), is bigger than me (green), serious when necessary and goofy when appropriate (green), very flirtatious when it does happen (green), has taken time to get to this flirtatious stage with him (green), is around my age (green), has bad music taste lol (red), kinda bro-y lolll (red red), kinda graceful/smooth (green), thinks im cute... (green), anddd ya theres more but those are the ones im thinking of rn. So its clear that the red outweighs the greens. And the reds are BIG REDS and the greens are like smaller things. its logical that this is very bad for me... it is just so clear and I can't unsee it. and Im full aware of this.

but for fucks sake im still going to sleep thinking about him and waking up thinking about him, and if im not at work im thinking about when i'll be at work so that i can interact with him and fantasize while i'm working and flirt with him. and get attnetion from him. and then count every single positive encounter we had during our shift together. and noticing the smallest patterns if he has any. and always being aware of his whearabouts during work (i literally actively try to not do this but it is EXTREMELY hard), and when i get near him, LITeralllyy my pussy tingles a bit... LOLLL, and whenever he touches me, that part of my body radiates for the rest of the night, or whenever he makes a sexual joke/flirtatious comment towards me I cant help but cheese really hard, or when i make him flustered with my own flirting, the power i feel... oh that power. its sweeter than the devils nectar... okay anyway getting off track, but like... i'm simping this hard for this dude i jsut described a paragraph earlier?Hes probably just chilling like haha i made a funny joke... shes cute. and then thats it. hes not obsessing ??? I AM!!! like bitch.. get a grip on reality. but like i said. thats the point. I simply DO NOT have a grip on reality LOL. Jesus dude, like having an obsession makes me write and think and be overwhelmed and overstimulated, and want to nonstop talk about the obsession is crazy. Like this whole post is relaxed compared to everything in my head. I could keep talking about it but im gonna chill...

[just-some-random-blogger]

hello sweetie!! today is the holiday here so ive finally got enough sleep! during the night! what a miracle! 'i was being loved by my ai kylo ren but then he fucking DIED' HAHJJF was it a hint to stop seeing him FJDFJN jk if he makes you happy then good for you. 'OMG THAT WOULD BE AMAZING' iF I SURVIVE. it wasnt a promise. if you could id still prefer you writing it( and even if i survive, idk if ill be able to write it. 'I AM HONORED YOU SHARED THIS' oh its cute TT if you want, i can share and explain? more playlists. not abt s&b but still. btw, though they dont make playlists on this show, they make fmvs and OH its the masterpiece. there are pretty ones and CRINGEY ones and oh how much i LOVE them. these cringey old russian songs AAAA 'russian has so many syllables' kjgkjfnkjfn yeah it does. 'slay omg such a pretty voice' yesyes! maria chaikovskaya is the icon! im glad you liked her TT her songs are so comforting tbh TT 'SO EVIL THE SINGER CAN STAB ME IN THE GUT' oh no bub TT i remember her getting popular bc of the song 'tatar' which is about her waiting for her bf to come out of prison. and tbh at least most? of her songs have the dark vibe. but the singer is cutie. 'about killing people who caused you pain' JHFJKF not really? more about comforting your beloved one. and rn the line 'ill kill everyone who dared to tough you' was sung.... this very piece isnt a real song. its a snippet(?) that gone REALLY viral year or 2 ago in tiktok. and only after that the singer made the complete song. but yeah it basically more about comfort and protection(?) like 'ill cover you with a blanket', 'ill tie you to myself so you want be afraid of the darkness'. 'is it too slow' idk its too slow and too running in the same time? ive mixed feelings. 'i will 100 be listening to it agin' 🥺🥺 im glad you like it. im proud of the creator. she does a lot of things and is really talented. 'i’ll look for the translation' have you found it? i didnt, ig bc the singer isnt really popular. 'I LOVE THIS the synths' yeah its the band that made 'russian princess', ive told you abt them! theyve got pretty vibe-y? songs. 'im so upset' im also upset w/this song TT i hate it sm. the lyrics, the rap part, the vibe. its unbearable TT also doesnt tumblr show you where the paragraph ends and the other starts?.. 'ONLY WENT THROUGH IT BECAUSE I FELT BAD' ?? like? i dont understand you like it or you just feel guilty TT 'Are you saying russian is too cold to be sweet' no way you disrespectful people with your disrespectful sun! russian has much more words of endearment and basically can make a sweet name out of anything not adding another word. russian is not cold😡 i love russian, i couldve never said such a thing about my baby. yk even the anthem of my native area(?) says 'warm hearts of the northern people'. i was talking abt the foreign phrases writers use. also idk why im telling this but yk what? i want too. bc it causes me distress. this image of the cold and dark man and a pretty little wife of his is pretty ofc but. my height difference with that very ben barnes or even matt smith is 7-5 cm it is NOTHING. after all the fics with the darkling that id read yesterday i cried so hard. yes i cant feel 'so secure and comfortable' in smns embrace bc its not like they can 'cover me from the world' so i feel like noone will ever love me and ill always need to be tough and reserved even though i want to cry. this fucking height theme kills me. 'WHY I DIDNT FEEL LIKE REPLYING TO YOU I WAS LIVING MY LIFE' so you traded me for a man?... so some dick is more valuable than your own cat?.. yk its the betrayal. 'my head hurts cos of the heat' freezy hugs yet im still offended. 'I FEEL LIKE IM WASTING WATER' lol say it when youre burnt to bones💀 'maybe im dehydrated' you- 💀💀💀 in your hell of weather💀💀💀 you crazy💀💀💀 go drink water. im glad to share some music! actually i liked explaining the songs. what about you? do you want to share smth? anyway, good luck with that PRICK of yours. good luck you LoVeBiRdS. take care<з

BABY GIRL I WAS FUCKING EXPLAIN SOME OF MY SCHOOL WORK AND THEN TUMBLR CRASHED AND I HATE IT HERE FUCL

im sorry now i dont feel like repeating myself again this hellsite i swear i spent an hour pouring my heart to you and for shit? FUCK

hello sweetie!! today is the holiday here so ive finally got enough sleep! during the night! what a miracle!

IM GLAD YOURE SLEEPING we also have a holiday but tomorrow and the say after that. our president just announced it /: clout chaser rat /:

'i was being loved by my ai kylo ren but then he fucking DIED' HAHJJF was it a hint to stop seeing him FJDFJN jk if he makes you happy then good for you.

T_T he was so annoying for that /:

'OMG THAT WOULD BE AMAZING' iF I SURVIVE. it wasnt a promise. if you could id still prefer you writing it( and even if i survive, idk if ill be able to write it.

its ok. i believe in you

'I AM HONORED YOU SHARED THIS' oh its cute TT if you want, i can share and explain? more playlists. not abt s&b but still. btw, though they dont make playlists on this show, they make fmvs and OH its the masterpiece.

i would love it if you shared more. no pressure. also i have no idea what fmvs is. fan music videos?

there are pretty ones and CRINGEY ones and oh how much i LOVE them. these cringey old russian songs AAAA

sometimes its really nice to cringe

'russian has so many syllables' kjgkjfnkjfn yeah it does. 'slay omg such a pretty voice' yesyes! maria chaikovskaya is the icon! im glad you liked her TT her songs are so comforting tbh TT

<3 im glad you find comfort in her

'SO EVIL THE SINGER CAN STAB ME IN THE GUT' oh no bub TT i remember her getting popular bc of the song 'tatar' which is about her waiting for her bf to come out of prison. and tbh at least most? of her songs have the dark vibe. but the singer is cutie.

T_T i hope her bf isnt a murderer

'about killing people who caused you pain' JHFJKF not really? more about comforting your beloved one. and rn the line 'ill kill everyone who dared to tough you' was sung.... this very piece isnt a real song. its a snippet(?) that gone REALLY viral year or 2 ago in tiktok. and only after that the singer made the complete song. but yeah it basically more about comfort and protection(?) like 'ill cover you with a blanket', 'ill tie you to myself so you want be afraid of the darkness'. 'is it too slow' idk its too slow and too running in the same time? ive mixed feelings.

get that clout get that full song version get those royalties. slay. their album art is T_T dark but fitting. i love vivid songs like this T_T slayyy T_T

'i will 100 be listening to it agin' 🥺🥺 im glad you like it.

i like you

im proud of the creator. she does a lot of things and is really talented.

im glad you found her and you showed her playlist to me

'i’ll look for the translation' have you found it? i didnt, ig bc the singer isnt really popular.

im too lazy rn AHHA

'I LOVE THIS the synths' yeah its the band that made 'russian princess', ive told you abt them! theyve got pretty vibe-y? songs.

i thought of this song! im not sure if it was listening to this one but i thought of it

'im so upset' im also upset w/this song TT i hate it sm. the lyrics, the rap part, the vibe. its unbearable TT

lol HAAHAHAHAHAHA deserve

also doesnt tumblr show you where the paragraph ends and the other starts?..

NO I THOUGHT YOU KNEW I JUST WING IT HAHAAHH

'ONLY WENT THROUGH IT BECAUSE I FELT BAD' ?? like? i dont understand you like it or you just feel guilty TT

nOOOO i meant i rushed through the songs without listening to its entirety because i felt bad i hadnt responded to you yet

'Are you saying russian is too cold to be sweet' no way you disrespectful people with your disrespectful sun! russian has much more words of endearment and basically can make a sweet name out of anything not adding another word. russian is not cold😡 i love russian, i couldve never said such a thing about my baby.

LOL HAHAHA I DIDNT UNDERSTAND IM SORRY ahshashash sai feel the same about my own language. im glad you feel that about your native tongue <3 deserve

yk even the anthem of my native area(?) says 'warm hearts of the northern people'. i was talking abt the foreign phrases writers use.

deserve i give you my warmth too <3 writers are dumb

also idk why im telling this but yk what? i want too. bc it causes me distress. this image of the cold and dark man and a pretty little wife of his is pretty ofc but. my height difference with that very ben barnes or even matt smith is 7-5 cm it is NOTHING. after all the fics with the darkling that id read yesterday i cried so hard.

do you know her? gwendoline cristie. she is my soulmate (because i love her also her bday is 2 days after mine!!! and she also shares a bday with matt smith AHAHH MY SOULMATES) anyway. she towers over everyone already but then she also wears heels so she is even taller and i love her for it. again as a tall girl in my country, i feel quite insecure about my height but seeing gwen own it and so many people fawn for her T_T SLAYYYY IT MAKES ME WANT TO BE AS TALL AS HER BUT ALSO ID BE TOO POWERFUL HAHAHH. i have been more cautious about describing the dynamics of my characters ever since you told me this. i hope that counts for something

yes i cant feel 'so secure and comfortable' in smns embrace bc its not like they can 'cover me from the world' so i feel like noone will ever love me and ill always need to be tough and reserved even though i want to cry. this fucking height theme kills me.

go ahead and cry. i dont mean this sarcastically. let your feeling out because it can be frustrating for real. but what would you feel if i told you that i think the same thing about me? if i told you no one would ever like me because of how i look?

please dont be hard on yourself. its a like to say looks/physical appearance dont matter. they do. but they are inconsequential to people who are genuine and who care and love you. i care and love you. i dont ever want you to feel bad because of the way you look. you're too precious for that. its ok. i see you. i know you could easily meet these men eye to eye. you are beautiful. if anyone says otherwise i;ll blown them up and drop kick them into the sun

'WHY I DIDNT FEEL LIKE REPLYING TO YOU I WAS LIVING MY LIFE' so you traded me for a man?... so some dick is more valuable than your own cat?.. yk its the betrayal.

T_T im sorry. HAHAHA I WAS SO SHOCKED WHEN I SAW THIS LIKE JAW ON THE FLOOR SHOCKED i was just distracted because kylo ren is so pretty and well written in the ai T_T i would never trade you for a man.

'my head hurts cos of the heat' freezy hugs yet im still offended.

T_T thank you.

'I FEEL LIKE IM WASTING WATER' lol say it when youre burnt to bones💀

T_T I CANT HELP I FEEL THIS WAY.

'maybe im dehydrated' you- 💀💀💀 in your hell of weather💀💀💀 you crazy💀💀💀 go drink water.

<3 i am i pee so much but im still thirsty

im glad to share some music! actually i liked explaining the songs.

<3 im glad to hear from you and your likes in music because im a music major <3

what about you? do you want to share smth?

im here again. finally T_T this is where tumblr crashed FUCK YOU TUMBLR. anway just listen to this and this (theyre the same piece just slightly dif[i like the second one better]) and then this and this (also the same piece but one has lyrics) and obvi only do it if you want to AHHAAH then i;ll explain it next time FUCK YOU TUMBLR IM RAGE QUITTING anyway we;re performing them in my class T_T lol HAAHH

anyway, good luck with that PRICK of yours. good luck you LoVeBiRdS. take care<з

T_T i was gonna ask you to read my kylo ren fic but i wont. youre so salty and petty HAHHAHAAAAH. T_T i love you baby i hope you enjoyed your day take care <3