#i cant draw these days nothing works out and maybe cuz I dont have the time to actually sit down and draw and just let myself enjoy it

[eldrtchmn]

oc time

[motherforthefamicom]

redownloaded an old art program

[chaifootsteps]

There is an "artist" in the hyspanic side of the art internet community that reminds me so much of Vivziepop:

Her name is "Angel de la verdad" (Angel of truh in spanish, wich is a very ironic name lol), and she is know for being a grown ass woman (she is almost 40) that acts childish and cant take criticism.

People started making fun of her because she would react badly to any kind of criticism; she would make big tantrums every time someone made a video criticising her work and would send her fans (all of them being literal children because she made videos about sonic, undertale and other things that were popular between them) to harrass and attack them, then negate that she did that. She would also claim that those who have any little negative opinion on her art were haters and would call them childish insults like "rats" and encourage her fans to do the same.

One day she got mad beef with a literal 14yo boy cuz he made a video saying that her Sonic fancomics were cringe, and that made her so mad, that she took down that video, made several video directs making fun of that child, made a drawing where she potrayed him as a crying child while she was scolding him, told lies about how he was harassing and stalking her when she was the one doing that, and even threaten to doxx him because she got his personal information.

She became a very hated figure, in every video she uploaded you would see she had like 40k views but only like 10 comments cause she would erase any "hate" comment calling her out, only keeping the ones made by her bootlickes that couldnt be over the age of 8.

I remember she even did a video "debunking" her acusations, and in the part of the doxxing she said "i never said i would leak personal information of that child! I just told him to behave, and to not give his information to strangers!" Thing that is obviously a lie. She also showed screenshot of personal conversations she had with him "proving" that he was harrassing her, but they were basically her insulting him and he responding with "lol ok".

The latest thing i knew about her is that she posted on twitter that she would sue some youtuber who made a video on her revealing all the things she did, she claimed that the video was "defaming" her and that she already got a lawer. That was about a year ago and nothing happened, so i guess it was all a lie lol.

Viziepop reminds me a bit of her, in the sense that she is also over the age of 30 and still cant take criticism in a mature way. Maybe she doesnt openly insult her "haters", but she inderectly encourages her fans to be horrible people to those who dont like her work.

I was thinking, if Vivzie didnt have a reputation to take care of, she would be similar to the lady i talked about, maybe not to the point of doxxing a child, but in the sense that she would post on her social media the links of videos where she gets criticised and telling her fans to attack them, then acting all inocent with "those mean haters were attacking me 🥺 i was just defending myself..."

But she cant do that, right now she is know as "the saviour of indie animation", as a goddess of pure positivity that inspires others and will get her work shown on TV, that behaviour would ruin her reputation in a second.

So now i can imagine her sitting in front of the computer, looking for people who criticise her work. She would get the idea of making a post so her fans attack them, but then she glances at the poster on her wall, wich says "reminder: you have a reputation on the internet, DONT fuck it up". So she just growls angrily, and limits herself to like comments of her bootlickers defending her.

(Also, little fun fact about Angel de la verdad: she has a sister who is EXACTLY like her, a mediocre internet artists who acts childish and throws tantrums in the sight of criticism. Many people used to belive they were the same person with different users, but they have different voices and pictures together so we know they arent, the world is a crazy place).

Thank you for this story, Anon, and also for this peek into Vivzie's Christmas future.

(Hopefully.)

[sweepseven]

Hi! you responded to my circus post like. forever ago and i realized i had a question that a circus person might know. (sorry in advance that this is long) (also that things are a bit vague bc im trying to explain everything with as little doxxing as possible) (if this is overwhelming or whatever you are not required to read it. just say like "sorry i cant deal with this" and ill be fine)

a little bit of backstory (because idk how else to explain) is that both writing and circus are very prominent parts of my life and for the past like. six months (maybe even year) the idea of a play (because i have written some 10 minute plays) that incorporates circus as a part of the formatting has been rotating in my mind.

I saw a production recently (ish) with my school that was a play, but really it was a musical that incorporated an aerial window and aerial ladders as both set-pieces and aparatuses. they used them as windows and ladders, but at a certain point in the play, when one character was describing something that had happened, there were aerialists performing on the aparatuses. i talked to my teacher afterwards and she also thought i should write a play that incorporates circus. and i dont mean as a plot point (like they go to the circus) but as a way of telling the story.

i also saw an opera recently in which the songs were the same, and the plot was essentially the same as when it was written (several centuries ago), but the setting and costumes were all more modern. someone would sing an aria and then draw three squiggly lines on the wall that, at the third line, became clear it was the body of a naked woman. another where i swear it was a legit clown skit (he climbed up the stairs. flumped down and gave up, then slid down fully flat on his back, climbed up again, slid off sideways, then crawled up, all while operatically singing (used clown rule of three etc)also it was very exciting when he spun a hat on a cane like plate spinning cuz id just learned how to do that a week before). it made me think of just the contrast between a formal format (like a play or opera) and modern, comedic, and otherwise circus-y flares.

ANYWAYS. the main question arose with a convo i had with my dad the other day about this same thing (we've taken to asking each other if we've been thinking abt anything interesting lately) and he knew someone who was in the circus. he asked if there was a structure of the circus (like the three act structure of stories) and the guy said yes absolutely. it was something like starting with the least amount of people each act and then ending with the most. however, i think there was more to it and i wanted to find out to see if i could work with that. unfortunately my dad hasnt spoken to this guy in years and doesn't want to ask again.

so the question: whats the structure of a circus performance?

Hi! Sounds like you get some really cool shows in your area!

Some shows vaguely follow the structure your dad's friend outlined, but I think he's speaking in the loosest possible terms. Yes, the finale act of a show is usually the biggest and grandest, both in terms of spectacle and the number of people involved. But many also open with an extra energetic first act to welcome the audience to the show and set the expectation for what's to follow (think Kooza charivari, Kurios Chaos Synchro, Echo cube suspension). You also see lots of acts opening with solos or duets (Mystere aerial straps, Quidam German or cyr wheel, Amaluna unicycles, etc.). It's definitely not a hard and fast rule, but it can be an element in deciding how a show is paced.

I'd say the most successful base structure is one that balances a natural narrative flow, human attention span, and rigging needs. I use "narrative" here very loosely, because a story isn't a guarantee in a circus, but like a story you don't want to go from nothing nothing nothing to ACTION ACTION ACTION and then suddenly it's all over. It's unnatural, unpredictable, and disengages the audience, and circus is trying to do the opposite. Similarly you don't want people to have to crane their necks for four aerial acts in a row - eventually they're all gonna look the same and people will feel bored. Acts that demand more complex rigging need to go at a point in the show where they can be gracefully set up and taken down without disrupting other things taking place. All these factors may change if your show has an intermission - if it does, you want a kind of "mini" flow that keeps people excited about coming back for the second half.

Alegria IANL is a good example. It starts with a bold opening number with lots of participants, which makes sense because it's a show about revolution. Then we slow it down to a solo act followed by a duet. Fire knife dance is a solo too, but it really ramps the energy back up. The first half closes with Snowstorm, which is a huge spectacle and makes us excited about what they're gonna do with all these tiny paper snowflakes in the second half.

Then you come back from intermission and discover the answer is: see the most gorgeous romantic aerial straps act of your life (a duet). More peaks and valleys follow in alternating smaller and larger acts, all of them on the ground, and all of them with distinctly varying paces. Then close with flying trapeze, which pulls the focus upward, has the most complex rigging in the show, and uses a net they can get away with leaving up for the finale. Tada! A tight, engaging, well-balanced show.

[gayspock]

OK the last .25 of the episode and x20 me rambling

the more i see kira the funnier it is that this is somehow at all connected to her and the child she was before

also like look.... it feels shocking to me she would ever. i guess she was just a kid. but even still. i dont know man. its nuts. i hope sarah beats her ass to hell. cuz having lived through all of THAT i just... i dont buy that anyone would even think "i can do that and i can do it well this time." like kira. your aunts were all dying of sickness. and no matter what kind of passion project it was, ever, at the end of the day if youre doing it under a company theyre all property. like theres no way you can rationalise yourself out of that. i just dont believe it. maybe if she was somehow IMPLICATED sure and in over her head? that i could get more. cuz i do agree the little we did have of kiras personality, she very much was like. so fucking sick of everything by the end and just wanted to go out on her own and i can buy that she'd fall into it that way. but like having her be alike the centre of it is insane....

and like its really weird to think of any of this happening within the same universe. again i feel like it being a sequel to OB is doing it more harm than good in terms of like what its trying to achieve, the inspiration its getting and what i myself am doing in trying to engage with it. like "dont compare it to orphan black!" can only go so far when its literally Meant to be a continuation of the story and its attempting to be that and its doing the callbacks and its retreading old ground.

i am genuinely like ok im giving this a Chance but idk i feel like its incredibly mediocre and i know its like only episode 2 but i feel like.... its just sort of exhibiting so many patterns thus far that i have no faith in whatsoever.

like stop going so fast. please just build them up. you dont have to jump immediately into all of this shit. like orphan black is not like some masterfully written piece of work but it at least earned it when it went crazy and thats what made it so good.

i seriously think jules should have been the protagonist here. im not kidding. i think if we followed her pov from the beginning and did Not Deviate like just let her tske reign and have shit slowly crumble around her... idk that feels more interesting to me. like i said before. idc that much for lucy right now. im sorry she is cool but i feel like half the time theyre just telling me facts about her and im not feeling much of her actual personality. it feels like the vague background they tried to give her of her life in between then and now is like.... nothing but an attempt to make her like sarah if anything?

i feel like when im watching lucy im not seeing much of a struggle with anything. i think thats also why i'd prefer jules. her stabbing lucy with with the makeshift toilet shank was like the most orphan black thing ive seen so far. LOL. again when we follow her it feels like some actual... tension. and stakes. and yeah shes like a kid and usually idc about kid protagonists which maybe thats why they did not go with her but... she feels a lot more realised to me.

and again you could say thats the point!! lucy is a blank slate!! but i dont know. just cuz somethings The Point doesn't make it well executio. its like i said thats genuinely such a hard thing to pull off. if you cant do it... dont make her your protag. sorry. i think she'd be so much more compelling as a secondary character. maybe more akin to what helena was in terms of presence (not in character, but again, presence). i think that would actually help her a lot and the mystery and the slower burn on who she is and what she's been through and seeing her through jules' eyes primarily would be way more interesting to me. cuz right now we're just skipping through her story and im not really feeling..., anything. like i like jack and and charlie but it went so fast with them too. i feel like they needed to draw that conflict out way more than they did. or shit man. ok i know WOMEN RIGHTS. even jack i think would be a more compelling protagonist to me or well. not protagonist. but if we followed HIS perspective first and saw lucy and then if he somehow bumped into jules.... I DONT KNOW. MY POINT IS IM LIKE. I DONT LIKE THE WAY THEYVE GONE ABOUT THIS. or lucy. sorry lucy. i feel like right now again. they just tell the camera us who she is as a fucking person . and im like ok. kewl.

anyway its sort of a shame idk if its like this is even lost potential. because like well there is potential to do a good clone show with all the stuff im talking about. its called orphan black and it ended years ago. sorry.

ok so myh thoughts after like literaly 1.75 episodes: i will watch 1 or 2 more but i dont think im sticking with this

i was like im not gonna have others' opinion kinda sway me here but from my own concerns i did go and take a lookie loo on some of the stuff ppl have been saying abt this bc im just fascinated. hows it been out since NOVEMBER in aus and its been crickets

and like i think it looks like what i was expecting of like... i dontthink theyre really going anywhre new or inventive with this. instead trying to redo certain plot elements of the original orphan black, bring in cameos and callbacks without... ughghgg... you know....

like from what ive seen so far i just dont have that much faith in it. its fine. its good. good performances. but idgaf. i feel like its just really superficial and its... inorganic? i wish it wouldnt keep pushing itself along. i wish the writing was a bit better. its not bad but i keep catching myself off with it and i feel like im not drawn in to whats happening. it all feels kinda stilted. and strange. and blah

anyways this is kinda a shame whatevwer. i mean i didnt really have high hopes for it so i guess its just met them?

[offtopicoverload]

Any random galaxy thoughts you wanna share? 🧠🧠🧠

so ive been trying to figure out how to answer this for like two days now, and ive got nothing, so im just gonna ramble incoherently about literally whatever comes to mind, but i think thats what you signed up for anyway, so this is on you

im replaying blades rn and nias just the besttttt. i wish more female lis got her treatment, cuz she really wasn't sidelined, like shes fucking there ya know? 

im looking through my ocs birthdays cuz i wanted to include the newbies since heights worked last time, and i totally missed violet’s on the 12th, but olives is soon on the 25th, so thats fun. also love the fact that i accidentally made rue’s valentines day without even thinking about it, and she would hate that, so fun. i also dont have one for izzy cuz i dont think i can get her full chart, the site i used didnt go back far enough for like jupiter and stuff i dont think, but here's the newbies birth charts

Rowan (Second Chance) - 21 September 1999 

Sun - Virgo

Moon - Aquarius 

Mercury - Libra

Venus - Leo

Mars - Sagittarius

Jupiter - Taurus

Saturn - Taurus

Uranus - Aquarius

Neptune - Aquarius

Pluto - Sagittarius

Lilith - Sagittarius

Rising - Gemini

Briar (Late Night Lyrics) - 6 July 1996

Sun - Cancer

Moon - Pisces

Mercury - Cancer

Venus - Gemini

Mars - Gemini

Jupiter - Capricorn

Saturn - Aries

Uranus - Aquarius

Neptune - Capricorn

Pluto - Sagittarius

Lilith - Leo

Rising - Cancer

Oakley (WIP AU) - 26 March 1998

Sun - Aries

Moon - Pisces

Mercury - Aries

Venus - Aquarius

Mars - Aries

Jupiter - Pisces

Saturn - Aries

Uranus - Aquarius

Neptune - Aquarius

Pluto - Sagittarius

Lilith - Libra

Rising - Libra

Rue (Sit and Watch the Hourglass Drain) - 14 February 1992

Sun - Aquarius

Moon - Cancer

Mercury -Aquarius

Venus - Capricorn

Mars - Capricorn

Jupiter - Virgo

Saturn - Aquarius

Uranus - Capricorn

Neptune - Capricorn

Pluto - Scorpio

Lilith - Aquarius

Rising -  Scorpio

my blogs been so empty, so thank you for sending asks and stuff, idk what's going on rn but thank you, you truly are the best aries and i adore you

OH, idk if you play lovestruck, but one of my favourites, nysa, came back yesterday, so thats great, i think i want to write something for her, but it'd be pretty long, so idk. the only idea i have would be to make the time between seasons an actual jump, and to up the stakes, and im not sold on that yet. i already have a million other things to write, but who knows since im entirely unpredictable and unreliable

i think i want to try the thing where you write like everything for a fic, and start dumping out chapters, then i could trust myself not to get distracted, but ALSO, im way too impatient for that, so then were just back at square one, and its getting frustrating and stressful, especially when im not even doing the moodboard thing which was really fun while it lasted

i wanted to make one for allegra cuz ive never seen one for her, but i get why now. i have no idea what to do for her, so i might try again after doing like talia or someone, just to practice

i want to draw rainbow lips. no reason, just want to, and maybe i will

i wish i was better at art, i have this one drawing stuck in my head for months and it'd be so dope to make it, but i suck and cant work on something for very long without getting annoyed about making progress soooooo

maybe ill try traditional stuff again, i always did okay, and maybe i could draw briar or something for you ashfkjddslk

im currently playing a fun game of “am i extra depressed again or just need to get my life together OR do i need to find a new interest?”

but here's the thing. i dont want to find a new interest and abandon all this, i really like it, but litgs super dead, which is just fucking fantastic, and choices is so big and overwhelming, and lovestruck is messy as fuck, so im just hanging out here man. just fucking around

ANYWAY, i wrote a thing, but i dont even know if i can fit it into sawthd, or if itd be a good description, but ima dump it here until i figure it out cuz it kinda vibes, right?-

Do you ever wonder it would be like to to crush something so delicate in the palm of your hand, to watch the glass crack and splinter into shards, to watch them cut your skin like paper, to watch ruby red droplets glitter with the reflections and refractions, sparkle in the light or gleam in the dark? Do you ever wonder how bad it would hurt, for the fragments to slice through you so easily, like a knife cutting butter, a rock splitting waves, a bird parting clouds, a destruction so simple and easy? Do you ever wonder if it would be worth it? If the stinging cuts and splinters stuck in your skin as blood traverses the lines in your palm like water through a river would be worth it, just to watch the fragile remains of something that was once whole sparkle like tiny diamonds, just to watch a million different slivers of yourself staring back at you, just to watch the way everything falls apart, one way or another?

this isn't helping the depression thing is it asdkfjs

[pinkykitten]

I was tagged by @writing-with-melon I hope my answers aren’t complete waste or if time and if so I’m sorry and I love you

Rules: Answer ten 10 questions, ask 10, and tag 10 people

1. What song automatically plays in your head when you look out the window on a long drive? 

i dont really have an answer for this. i think i just automatically think about any song ive been listening to recently or any song that has been stuck in my head. 

2.  Do you have some snacks nearby when you write?

well i live in a two story house so the kitchen is downstairs and im usually lazy busy so since i have a mini fridge upstairs i just usually get water to drink while im writing. its kinda hard to eat and write cuz i loose focus really easily so when i am writing i am writing! i am in the zone! but if i am a little hungry ill usually snack on candy like chocolate kinder joys i love them but they r so expensive or snack on chips but i get like salt on my fingers or i like cheetos so cheetos dust and that just gets everywhere and later my hands and keyboard kinda smell like fart. 3. What do you do to combat creative burnout?

so burnout happens to me a lot so to get inspiration i either read other stories or fanfics which gets my head gears turning or i admire a piece of art or photography or a song. whats so unique and satisfying with writing you can explore and go anywhere with it, hehehe erotic if you know what i mean lol jk there are no barriers with writing just your imagination. there is inspiration any where you go and id advise to never stop writing. even if its a few short sentences or paragraphs about anything even bird poop its still progression and your mind is working and your searching for words like its all good for you bby.  4. Do you use (or like to use) prompts? 

i do ill put the link here. im thinking of changing it though to do something different. 

5. What is your favorite place to write?

lol boring, i know but my room. my room is really bright in the mornings and comfortable and chill and i have a candle of the pandora ride in disney that smells like the ride so its all good and relaxing and super peaceful plus i have a picture of myself the age of like 9 on my desk idk why but it encourages me and makes me focus to make sure i never get that cringy again. 

6. What is a hobby or yous that you usually don’t talk about?

well i like working out HAHAHAHAHA jk that was a joke...get it...cuz i much rather be eatingokillstop. but i really like to draw which i have a art page you can see it if you click here pls look at my failed attempts to be hip and cool with the cool kids and being artsy fartsy. another hobby is i really like to do makeup and nail art, nail art is really tough guys no joke if you do it like you got wizard powers are something. maybe its bc my nails are shorter than pete davidson and ariana grande’s relationship, alright im trying to stop i swear!

7. Do you play an instrument? Which one?

no i wish though. i always wanted to learn to either play the piano or electric guitar cuz H.E.R looks so cool doing it. 

8. How do you feel about your handwriting?

it sucks dont even try me. my sister can barely read it like no wonder nobody wants to steal my signature heck they can’t even read it!

9. Can you tell us of a story that marked your development as a person? As a writer?

ok sit back guys, sniff a nice amount of crack and get ready for the most cringy moment of my life but also a time when i knew i was meant to be *inhale* a fanfic writer. 

so it was elementary school, i think 3rd grade and for my writing assignment we were given a prompt of idk what the heck tbh i think it was like be outside the box and im like ok imma nail this cuz im a weird child and yeah so i got my papers and pencil and i went TO TOWN on this paper. so i wrote two stories. one short story with a picture to go with it and one long story that yeah i buried years ago. so my first story was about a farmer was about that farming life. he had chickens and dairy. so i cant remember if the cheese was spoiled but doesnt matter. anywho these cheese and a chicken were alive like they could talk in the story and i gave them faces, yikes. but the whole story was the farmer was a b*tch and he was trying to eat the chicken and cheese so they hatched a plan to get away from the farmer. they did it successfully and they ran away. yay happy ending my teacher actually liked that one me too and my school mates were thinking what they heck is this girl on i made a story about how me and justin bieber made cookies for Christmas you know. so then my other story i was more proud of this one cuz it was a tone of paper, sorry trees, and this story was about how a female hippo (girl i was all about plus size and thicker girls and no body shaming) and an male ostrich were kidnapped from their own habitats and taken to become circus animals. failed version of Madagascar hey mine was before the circus movie OK THEY STOLE IT FROM MEEEEE. so they get taken and are treated to harsh punishment and the animals can talk and i think its in the point of view of the male ostrich guy thing. they are in the circus and they start to have this relationship happening. love starts blossoming its all good. im happy with this cuz i believed in love at age of 8. they find a way thru a kick butt scene of the animals escaping and the hippo and ostrich are so in love that they run away together and they have half hippo half ostrich babies and i think i named the species  hipstrich or like ostppo idk but i was so proud of this story and when my teacher read it she was worried about me lol i think she thought i might like mate these two animals like secretly idk but she was like it was ok and i was like what this is frickin William Shakespeare writing or like F. Scott Fitzgerald writing. nevertheless it taught me a lesson that nobody else needs to like what im writing the main point and only thing that matters is if your proud of it and you like it and i really did. i will remember that story forever and thats what made me want to be a writer. lol sorry that was a lot. 

10. @emdop I’m going to use this great question: Explain one of your WIPs in the most ridiculous way possible. 

wellllll im working on my peaky blinders oc story its a lot of drugs money killing weapons jewelry rich profanities like its the show but written from my stubby hands so my oc and whatever its great and so excited to show it to you guys. 

MY QUESTIONS:

1. WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO START TUMBLR?

2. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ANYTHING OF THIS WORLD, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

3. WHAT QUALITY IS IMPORTANT TO YOU?

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE OUTFIT?

5. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE?

6. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG IN THE WHOLE WORLD?

7. IF YOU COULD VISIT A PLACE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?

8. WHAT SHOW OR MOVIE UNIVERSE WOULD YOU WANT TO BE IN?

9. WHAT IS THE SCARIEST MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE?

10. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE IN THIS WORLD THAN ANYTHING ELSE?

im tagging: @thatlittlered, @ardentmuse, @acciosnapes, @lotsoffandomimagines, @collecting-stories, @blog-of-a-multitude-of-fandoms, @naughtyneganjdm, @lenahellgizibe and two random followers @spiritsent, @sucker-for-my-fandoms

i was tagged by @writing-with-melon again ty btw, ps i felt so much pressure lol jk 😊

Rules: Answer 5 questions, Ask 5 questions, Tag 5 people.

1. What is your favorite book?

fifty shades of grey hahaha naw my favorite book is obv you all know this is series of unfortunate events but i never usually cry period and i never cry for books ever so when i read mrs. tom thumb by melanie benjamin, its the part when her sister minnie dies i cried so hard idk it was just emotional the wording the way she described her pain it was so beautiful written yet so sad and that was just amazing to me cuz im like this book made me feel things and im like wow i would love to write a book one day and make someone feel something whether it be sadness anger happiness annoyance anything they are having an emotion and that is super powerful to do that with just words. pls go check out that book its a good read. also im a fan of the greatest showman so i really enjoyed it. there are many other books tho that i thoroughly enjoy so much. 

2. What piece that you’ve written are you most proud of?

oh my god ive always wanted to be asked this question hands down i am always proud of my platonic gender neutral tony stark fic called in·con·sol·a·ble window to me i wrote it so sad and i was feeling like depressed lol when i saw peter die in infinity war like i didnt know what to do with my life tbh but im so glad that @impetrichorny requested it tysm i just like how its not based on romance or fluff or happiness it is based on when you lose someone the nightmares and sadness you go through and that there is nothing nobody can do about it except just be there for that person so i really like writing angst and something that was out of the box. ive been thinking tho of doing a part two since the fate of all the characters has changed after endgame. who knows tho. 

3. What is the last song that inspired you? 

well for art it would have to good news by mac miller when i did that kobe bryant memorial on my art page. i dont want to give it away though but ill just say some very powerful womens music inspired my oc writing and making. 

4. How do you feel about letting people read what you write?

at first i was scared cuz i thought i wrote like trash which that feeling kinda doesnt go away like some days i feel that way others i feel confident or it depends on the request it just depends but anyways i was always insecure about my writing so when i started writing it was more like lets see how this goes if not ill delete the whole page. im glad to say it went great but in the begging it was hard cuz i kept putting myself down but i learned to accept or just understand that you keep learning with writing you always learn knew things with writing how you can explain something better or you words get more intricate and people see the improvement and you do too thats why i applaud those who dont speak english that english isnt their first language. you are doing a tremendous job and keep practicing cuz you’re gonna make it to the top. ive also learned that some days are not my days and you can take time off when youre not feeling it when you have writers block. just recollect your juices sip some tea go to the beach relax your mind a little and take as long as you need to come back and give it your all. also comments and reblogs and likes a follows those meant so much to me and encouraged me. thats why i cant express it enough how much all those mean to writers, artist, photographers, anybody who is truly trying their hard in this area of social media. its makes a person happy smile and confident in their writing but first train your mind into loving what you make not what others thing. you have to be happy with the outcome that is what truly matters and what makes your writing the best. look at me getting philosophical. 

5. Do you get distracted easily? If yes with what?

yes and with porn haha i get distracted easily like very easily homeschooling was really tough for me. music distracts me, netflix, the urge to watch david dobrik or unus annus or buzzfeed unsolved on youtube, heck my farts distract me. i gotta be like troy bolton i gotta get my HEAD IN THE GAME!

MY QUESTIONS:

1. IF YOU COULD BE NAMED SOMETHING ELSE, WHAT WOULD YOU BE NAMED?

2. WHAT PERSON INSPIRES YOU THE MOST?

3. IF YOU KNEW THE WORLD WAS ENDING TOMORROW WHAT WOULD YOU DO TODAY?

4. WHAT DO YOU OFTEN THINK ABOUT IN THE SHOWER?

5. WHATS YOUR WEIRD COMBINATION FOOD?

im tagging: @thatlittlered​, @ardentmuse​, @acciosnapes​, @lotsoffandomimagines​, @collecting-stories​ AND WHOEVER WANTS TO DO THIS IF YOU FOLLOW ME OR LIKE MY STORIES TAG ME ILL READ YOUR ANSWERS. HOPE I DID THIS RIGHT SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING MWUAH 

[alukaforyou]

and ALSO sry to post bs on main im mostly just talking to myself in my personal tag half the time so yolo, no need to respond to this or reassure me or whatever but these days i licherally question how much of my - sry to sound like a broken record - bs is dépression or just my shité mentality, like i rly was not designed to last, huh? physically or mentally? lol. like who gets motion sickness on swings lmao anyways. i think i give up too easily. theres a bunch of reasons y but i dont feel like saying. its a different thing to kind of kno something, and to admit / speak it (confront it). i could psychoanalyze myself all day and tell u exactly why some things are the way they are but its too unpleasant to neatly state stuff like that u kno?? like... *i kno* but im not gonna say i kno. anywho, i digress. so i give up easily and kind of have a defeatist mentality too, its so exhausting lool. actually its weird cuz duality of man, i'll be rly determined / stubborn abt doing some stuff and not care abt fear of failure with certain things but when it comes to My Life / My Future i just think i cant rly do anything? i mean that literally like i got no skillz *laugh crying emoji* not particularly good at anything, and art - the only thing im maybe arguably ok at - i dont wanna do as a career, that is art therapy for me i dont feel like commercializing it. not interested in working in my major, maybe things wouldve been different if i went to culinary or cosmetology school?? that sounds fun. or if i majored in bio cuz i was so good at that, or even if i majored in japanese language or literature or idk. but no regrets tho cuz i learned a lot abt drawing in art school which i can use for myself. and hmm i like staying home and not rly going out of my way to meet new ppl so connections what? i h8 hearing how most opportunities come through the ppl u kno cuz its true and ik like 10 ppl tops so hm very sexi of me :^) i just feel like im p much f*cked and it rly doesnt help that i have no functional dreams, goals, or aspirations nor the confidence and drive to work towards anything so ah ok cool. u kno suga's songs "the last" and "so far away" ? that p much sums up my feels minus the part abt having to deal w fame obviously LOL. its so easy being a student (for me at least) but being a good student isnt really worth a whole lot in the """""real world""""" and the current education system doesnt even rly prepare u for reality or w.e like Deep Sigh also the political climate rly lookin like shité out there like hmmmmm do i even wanna try so hard to be here anymore tho??? also going back to the self confidence thing, ya idk her LOOOOL like it doesnt very much bother me tho? i really, honest to god have no idea what my redeeming qualities even are. being nice? and my mindset re - tolerance and compassion for others, etc, ya im rly proud of that actually but besides that i mean like what can i Do tho like hm im not particularly good at anything also im hideous like uglee but thats ok too like none of this Bothers me, thats just literally how i Am so ok fine, but i feel like it makes it hard for me to exist in the world i happen to be in??? and i realize im speaking with a huge bias here cuz my brain is totally out of whack im p sure if some1 saw me / read this they would lit be like um u literally do not have it hard girl, which is fair ur kinda right actually from an objective pov, probably? its amazing how um. hard? of a time my brain is having given my relatively ok circumstances but thats just how it is ig. and if i may quote shakespeare - o full of scorpions is my mind. and its weird cuz duality of man - i actually have a lot of good times w friends and whatever i have a lot of fun, im not even very Sad or in Agony its all very a mild? sensation? but that might be because my plan b is to simply *** so nothing rly fazes me anymore lool.

its usually a v confusing emotion, im either feeling happy, or if not that, very ???? im literally that duwang quote get a feeling so complicated its just "ajdjsjsja" idk its not overly repulsive and upsetting im like :s LOL u kno wat at this point idek what im even saying anymore but its good that im writing whatever cuz im gonna need to look back on this later and organize my thoughts for presentation cuz remember i have a s.o now???? i wanna let them kno so we r on the same page, and i dont feel like im tricking them, i thought it over more and there are like 4? major cards i wanna lay out on the table early on and they are 1. im not that close w my family emotionally so do not seek their approval or expect to deal with them much. 2. personal ideology / political views like im bi lmao and pro lgbt if that wasnt obvious also i dont rly wanna be around racists / terfs etc and if ur right wing or not on that respect women juice uhhh bye.. 3. my weak ass mentality how i might Maybe *** in the future like no promise but errrr theres one more but its a little more negotiable and also too early to discuss so i wont mention it but i already got the first two outta the way so ya. theres the most troublesome of all, #3. the last thing i wanna do is traumatize someone that loves me (and i love back) with that kinda thing, its too late for my dear friends whom i love, sorry i didnt kno i was gonna be like this LOL yall already got attached but its a little different with my s.o cuz i feel like its not too late to uh.... stop getting as attached LMAO like dam i've known my girls for almost 10 years whereas i've only known my s.o for like a month.

and this is totally not gonna come across right but if my s.o very understandably desides to dump me id be SO RELIEVED LIKE WOOOO ok cool cuz like essentially what i'd be saying is you are getting attached to someone who's future is not as stable as other people, including u. *huge exhale* from the bottom of my heart, my bad lol. and then i probs wont ever get involved w. a s.o again, sorry to reference snk in 2020 but remember how e*win smith is single cuz he doesnt kno when he will ***? big mood. i have never acted out on my interests before but i was like ok for once lets go off the shits and do smth ooc, i uh... didnt expect for it to actually go anywhere tho so now im like ???? i shouldve thought it through more tho, like i felt low key irresponsible af and selfish and dumb for getting involved w. someone even tho i Know how I Am like...... Also i just lov being single and staying home and chilling alone lmao like i seriously...... never get loney....

ok so what was i talking abt? how the passage of time makes me nervous cuz idk how i can manage to keep up w it??? how i feel like i cant do jack shit???? that life is hard???? and maybe a bih just wants to rest? permanently?????? i think the most irritating part of all for me, like what i am most mad about at myself is that i have no dream. yikes. naruto, do u think thats sad? well yoongi said its okay, and what counts is just being happy, so i will console myself and forgive her and idk just try my best for the time being??

[mikkock]

Uhm??????? Unacceptable?? Please tell me more about your OCs in that last art? I demand it? I want a full report on my desk before morning? Cite your sources please?

Oh no,, you’re asking,,, about my own faves,,, sorry to everyone, but I guess im never going to shut up ever now. (i already don’t shut up ever, what have u done, im now going to speak so much that society will collapse AT LEAST)

But for real. I enjoy pretending I don’t have faves, I love all my kids the same, buT WE ALL KNO THAT’S A LIE, those two my fave bitches (they snatched that title from the last two faves, rip to them, and they also snatched, n I must really make that clear, the title of “the bitches with the most AUs from the previous previous faves. Their power.)

SO. Get ready for a ride, table of content: them, their respective character, their story, and the pLETHORA OF ALTERNATE STORIES I GAVE THEM because i must yell about all the versions of my kids i have (non-exhaustive cause its that serious bro, but ill take extra time for the universe depicted in that art just for u bby). (tbh if clamp is allowed to sprinkle their fave gays in all their universes so am i, except they aint secondary characters there, every story is just theirs. love that concept.)(itll be so long you’re getting a whole novel even if i have to post it in two posts)

So~ Em twos. Dari n Wei-wei as I call em, or Dumbass n Egg if you wanna get friendly.

They’re my proudest instance of “oops i made a squad of characters, and two of them just accidentally were so perfectly compatible and complementary oh no I guess they’re in love now.” And then they became my favourite. Cause I guess their potential was too much (jk its bc they hot)

cuties.

I spent ten minutes wondering which to introduce first cause dang son, I want to talk bout them both so much shefjgfdg

First, as I technically designed him first (like ten minutes before the other), my man weiwei. if u ever saw my art its impossible that you havent seen him at least once. cause i’m legit always drawing him. cause im in love bro.

Demonstration : here are my computer scribbled weiweis of 2020 so far (with a few daris there n there they’re a package deal), that i could find, and they do not include all the paper sketches that i’m too lazy to take pics of. (i just been drawing him with so much hair these days that’s illegal, his brand is baldness)

But anyway, he’s CHEN Chia-Wei, he’s 21, he’s Taiwanese n I love him. Two very important facets of his character when you meet him: he doesn’t talk, and is absolutely, in every single dimension, built to make you fall head over heels for him.

He’s (in the “canon” storyline if i may call it that since it’s def not my most developed one but oh well) an art student, mostly paints but is also great at photography and videography (his vibe is busy hectic pieces with strong bold colours, lots of harsh edges, and very people focused).

Aside from that, he’s also super into fashion, and because he’s part of the rich boy squad (the “im broke so im giving half my characters wealth in compensation) he Can and Does exhibit some quite funky fits when he feels like it. (maybe a reason I draw him a lot, since my fave thing is pretty boys in weird ass clothes)(and then i also draw him in just casual shit cuz tittiful men in plain white tees you know. there’s just something about it.)

Small compilation of outfits. ft me and my band handwriting roasting outfits that id also kill to own but ok u know.

He digs music. (i make playlists for my OCs and i gotta say, his is the best one, i spent so many hours researching it, “arranging” it etc n its still a work in progress but dude. she got many moods my fave part is when it suddenly turns into so many cheesy ballads also she’s enormous cause im as wordy in playlists as I am in writing.) listens to a lot, n also he can play piano n guitar. cause you know. heartthrobs got to win your heart with a song (and if he’s alone he can even mumble some songs, who knows maybe even sing em softly, definitly a sight to stumble on accidentally). Big main artists that have his vibes are Hello Nico, No Party for Cao Dong, n Circa Waves’s “what’s it like over there” album.

He does a lot of sports. He ain’t fit through magic, rip to him. He’s got a serious routine, and it’s a time he likes to use alone, cause nothing like running at the break of dawn, alone with your thoughts, which you can just easily forget through the exhaustion of a workout session afterwards.

he also eats. A lot. Food is just good, bro. (the canon story is def happening some place europe aka his biggest struggle is how expensive food is here. outrageous.)

He secretly loves super cheesy movies. the dramatic romcoms??? the cute shows that are just so cute and worriless?? anything involving soulmates??? yeh dude. he watches it, he reads it, he listens to it, and he may cry about it, but no one will know. That’s the one true guilty pleasure. (and he definitly has a collection of romance dvds, books n manhuas in his old room back at the family home. where no one can see it. perks of studying abroad. no one can see ur hoarding of material that clashes your image. “yes i watch edgy experimental things haha yes i love those smart people movies of course wow the philosophy…” and then immediatly goes to watch the trashiest predictable but oh so sweet dramas all night)

While he doesn’t speak (as in with the mouth) he can communicate in a bunch of language, due to having moved around quite a bit. On top of his native mandarin and hokkien, he’s fluent in English, so he can use those to write, and is also fluent in TSL, and pretty good in HKSL (and from that, other close-in-syntax sign languages). So he doesn’t have trouble getting around, but then he is also overall quiet in public (with close friends and over text though, that’s another story, that’s where he gets chattier, and also where you may get more of his true personality). Also, he can speak with his sister. That’s pretty cool bro.

I was going to say he’s a very “hides his true colours under a shell” type of character but you know, for an egg character, that’s pretty ironic. We love poetic cinema.

He presents himself as a very laid back, chill detached dude, going with the flow and all that great stuff, and masterfully mixes just the right doses of mysterious, flirty and calm to just go around vibing. But ain’t that jUST THE MILLENIAL’S ILLNESS, those dANG KIDS, going around, gettin relationships but never intimacy 👏😢 (there’s more to it dont leave)

First of all, before you see the Drama, the Turmoil, the first thing you notice when you really do befriend him is that he’s c h i l d i s h, he gets sulky when things dont go following the plan, he gets whiny n jealous for not getting attention , he gets competitive over stupid challenges, and way too playful if you start teasing, and when he gets flustered too…you think you get cool stoic dude but actually you get a dude who’s reacting to things with way too much intensity, and boi i thought u were gon be mature what’s that why have you been pouting for three days over losing a bet come on- That’s mostly coming up when he interacts with his sister, but the closest you are to him to more of it you get to see.

He’s also an affectionate dude actually. Like physically. As in you’ll get spontaneous hugs. He’s come nap on your shoulder. That’s a perk of befriending him if you ask me.

Also he tries to look so cool, so tough haha. He’s actually a lil sensitiv boi. he gets fluffy, he gets flustered, he heart eyes. you turn around and he’s gazing at ya as if you were the whole universe. he gets a mini crisis for holding hands with his crush. ya know. he’s secretly a softie.

nerd.

Then in the “what he doesn’t show” (my fave part), where you stock all the anxieties, all the trauma… Obviously there’s a lot of anxiety here (selective muteness being a symptom of it, he hides the other ones very well) mostly fear of inadequacy, of abandonement and of loneliness. mmmmmmmaybe that’s why he was v reticent to continue pursuing that one guy he was into when he realised he was just a tad too into him oh no is that some,, like?? some lovey-love?? cant have that im afraid of gettin heartbroken bro. Aint that sad for a someone who’s one true goal is just findin someone to love and to be with forever, the struggles of yearnin for a soulmate when there’s nothing you fear more than getting attached to a person and letting them see you and your flaws.., delicious.

Now tho (because its so alone speaking about a character on their own and i just wanna get to the part where i can speak bout em together and how they bring out bits of each others ya kno, the good kush….), Dari…

He’s pretty, i must say, and got the funniest hair to draw, and comes from the most opposite background to weiwei’s.

Darian Andriev PARVANOV, also 21, comes from the remote Bulgarian countryside, but i still love him (this makes it sound as if i wouldnt normally love someone from the bulgarian countryside. its not what i meant. by default ud remind me of my son so you’d start being liked if u came from the bulgarian countryside) Now for the first instance of “wow, the complementarity”. The first thing i thought making Dari was that he looked too cool, and that he obviously was a dumbass, and mostly that he was physically unable to shut up. (o fuck he’s me)

best picture i could find of him. He’s got the dilemma of “wow he looked so pretty n cool until he opened his mouth” 

He’s ALSO an art student (cause they were initially created for the purpose of filling the gap of “i have ocs in every field except the one i sorta know that’s so stupid”), painting major (def vibes differently than weiwei though, he’s doing those soft pretty landscapes n flowers, everything real pretty and peaceful, we got some impressionism nerd in here folks). 

He was/is a real country boy, farm family, he helped tend the fields, he worked in plantations for pocket money, he knows how to take care of cattle and chicken and goats and all the cool babies you can take care of, he can tell whether the soil is good or not, he can drive a tractor, and doesnt fear dirt.

but then also he’s kind of a neat freak, he hates getting paint on himself, so the duality of man, dirt ok but paint? disgostin. his spaces are real neat and spotless, he likes cleaning (its relaxing) and does it nearly too often.

his dumbassery comes from lack of common sense and impulsiveness, aside from that he’s actually what you’d call “mad smart”, dude had em good grades, he can memorise pages upon pages of the most trivial information, he has an accumulation of knowledge beyond limits, and is good at problem solving. so he can recite all the words of the F letter of the dictionnary, but would also put a curling iron in his mouth to see if it would curl his tongue. (side note, he does have a problem with heat n fire, most his “oopsie how i wound up hurting myself on acccident” story involve burning -that stove was just too tempting…)

while he doesnt feel very attached to his home country, he does feel strongly for his family. he’d do anything for his mum (and actually does everything to make her proud already, that’s his one main goal), and he’s ready to sacrifice a lot for her (as in, spend years working non-stop a really uncomfortable job so his mother wouldnt have to pay a cent of his expenses even though she said she could by doing some sacrifices herself,and then being ready to come back as soon as needed if anything happened, and potentially drop his career and dream n go back to the farm life to provide for mama)(also he still does hold onto some parts of his home country’s traditions, and does sometimes feel homesick but more in a ���i left the most beautiful landscapes n the city feels cramped and claustrophobic and i dont know people and i dont feel in the right place cuz im a forreigner with a thicc accent who doesnt master the language of this place and straight up have different body language communicators due to cultural difference oh lord i wanna be home where a nod means no and a head shake is yes i keep misunderstanding everything”)

if you want background noise he’s the perfect pal to call over, he’s just so chatty, he got hours and hours of non stop speech ready for you. you can shut him up once you’re done listening with the offering of food. works everytime.

he’s definitly not shy. neither in terms of talking to people, nor when it comes to making decisions. he’s quite bold, and rarely hesitates to go towards something he wants. he’s direct in his approach to most everything.

he likes partying. mostly the socialising part, talkin to people is just fun ya feel. and being in the crowd, doing whatever, pressure free? ya can dance n enjoy yourself, and people wont notice? yeah that’s nice. but doesnt do it super often cause broke bitches aint got the party time n budget. 

he likes arm. (just an excuse for me to drop this thing here cuz i like it)

While he’s an overall bubbly looking character, with a cheery loud personnality, he does carry some youth trauma that has him more reticent to engage in happiness, he comes from what you could call “not the wokest background” and he may have fallen victim of it : he’s kind of a flashy noticeable character, both physically and in his personnality, and doesnt exactly matches the expectations of dudes in the area he comes from (delicate, emotional and sweet guy? that doesnt exist bro). He went through it, and it has definitly had some impact on his confidence in many aspects. But he’s 100% the type of guy to put on the fake happy front because if feeling bad is sad, making the people you care about sad for you too is Unacceptable Right??? relying on friends?? what???

But then what are we supposed to be doing with such charming characters huh,,, 

Make them fall in love obviously.

Their story obviously has to do with falling in love and workin a relationship cause if I dont write romance i literally die, but I make the center pivot of all of it communication, and barriers in communications. Most obvious being them coming from wildly different cultures, having different native languages, and also the ways you adapt to muteness (what i love most bout that part is even then they fucked up given the easiest quickest small body language things to communicate are head nods n then i managed to make one come from the one country that reverses those like iconic how do they even understand each other -through a lot of work and love bro) but also on more “introspective” points, how to say things that you are even afraid to think about, how to open up and share your burdens and trauma with someone, how to say words you’ve been convinced you weren’t allowed to, the inner turmoil of communication in short. And then also communication through art, and through alternative unusual ways. If i were snobbish i could call it something like “a thinkpieces on how humans overcome obstacles in communication, and adapt, all for the sake of pursuing love” but fact is its mostly boys being in love n learning how to speak, figuratively and also quite literally. And also its me having fun with making characters evolve from each other, be able to influence each other for the better, helping each other be more comfortable with themselves and express the true things of their personnality, and discover new aspects. I just wanna write intense and soulful love bro.

So in less concept and more facts, weiwei meets dari, dari being his puppy self just immediatly strikes a conversation and weiwei gets interested cause “oho nice pretty boy? very good. i want some of that”. they get closer because you cant fight off the Power of friendship (and also the power of “what your friend is bestie with my friend?? guess we hanging out”) and then friendship and interest turns into pining, held back by respective dread of what romance with the other would mean (as in “romance?? cant have that we cant feel” and “with him?? cant do that, convince yourself he’s just a friend immediatly what would the family think”) but eventually they do have to just crash into one another cause that’s just the gravitational pull bro, its physics bro. and from then on its all unlearning destructive behaviours, bettering oneself with the help of the other, and getting over trauma to finally live ur best life. and gettin fckin married bro they’re both cheeseballs theyll wanna wed

BUT MAKING EM FALL IN LOVE ONCE ISNT ENOUGH time to make 3894853 alternate universes about em.

Lets speak bout my fave of those for a hot second.

First of all, the one of the art that brought this ask, guess i could call it “Pretty Tribes” AU, bunch of tribes live and do their things, having nature and energy powers. Dari n Weiwei’s tribes are bros, the latter’s powers needing them to move around to get energy from different places, enabling them different abilities. So basically they get to hang at the other’s place while the regenerate energy from there, and in exchange they help them out with various tasks (dari’s tribe is a rly farmer oriented one, with plant magic, while weiwei’s got more poyvalent powers, and have very good healers notably, so it comes in handy). The two boys were born a few months apart in their respective tribes, so naturally, anything the two clans meet, they’re put together to play and all, and from that they became besties, and each time they meet, after the gaps of time separating the two groups, they feel more and more of a little something else~ story is themed round growing up, friendship between clans, their traditions and cultures, and pretty boys in pretty clothes in pretty landscapes interacting with nature.

The superpower AU, i fuckin love it bro. Its an old one, made for other characters, but i just love it so much that i had to inject my faves in it. Its got a grimy ugly setting, bad government, propaganda, and fights between super-people (heavily mediatised for entertainment and reinforcing the idea that “look at these evil villains thank god us the good government protects you from them”), with a side of bad ethics in science. In all that, those two have the role of “those two young enemy warrior and villain, they were so powerful and fought so hard”, public figures, legendary and admired by both sides, everyone followed their fights, til one day they presumably died in one of their showdowns. (haha sike they actually found themselves talking for 5 seconds and realised they lived in a society, n built a plan to run away). The main characters get to find they’re alive because one of em had history with super-warrior-golden-boy and go to seek their help to overthrow the Big Bads. (stealing them from their nice gay cottage hermit life smh so rude)

Mermaids. I like those. Sailor weiwei sees merman dari, they both save each other in different occasions, they grow fascinated with each other, they’re at sea, water romance. Amazing. AU made half cuz i just like water n fish. and shirtless sailors.

(i couldnt find art of it in five minutes so have a link to that lil animatic piece i made of it once)

Indie band AU, where i was listening to songs that vibe so well with those two in general n then my brain was like “what if they’re the ones playing”. They’re (along with the rest of the art squad) a nice little alternative rock band, doing their thing, then one of their songs blows up, and they get quite the attention, to the dismay of dari who wrote that song in a moment of “oh no im so in love with my bandmate but i cant tell him what if i ruin everything we have going on ill just have to love from afar and deal with that” and now has way too many people interested in who he wrote it about and theorising from his every move when performing it (a mix of music, secret crushes and social media) (ft a picture of neither of them but its the least ugly art i found of this AU cuz its old and instruments are the bane of my existence)(also kelana is so pretty i gotta flaunt her around)

in kind of the same vibe, as in we’re in a music world overexposed to social media, i also integrated em to an AU i did for fun, “boyband AU” as its called aka idol based band system cuz you kno, i got a hobby, lets apply it. Band boy Dari and bodyguard Weiwei got a thing going on, but can’t really act on it in any way, because they’d just destroy the whole band if it ever came public. Featuring annoying bandmates, catchy pop songs and people making fanaccounts of that one hot Mr.Bodyguard cause dang he hot.

(all the art of this one so ugly im sorry)

SPY AU, one of my fave brand. They spies, they get assigned on the same mission, they work real nice with each other. spies hot. fights. strategy. i just like the concept. Gays taking down the worst traffics imaginable??? I love that song.(i actually have so much on this cause s p i e s are fuckin great)

Fashion. U kNOW i have an AU for fashion. Supermodel and his private stylist, trying to maintain the line of professionalism. And failing to do so. Lets make out in unpractical designer clothes.

Have an highschool AU for a bunch of characters, injected them as “spinoff”, start chatting online being art buddies, fall in love without meeting (ft. all the iconics of internet friendship like knowing tiny details of their personnalities but not the fact that they have a sister or “waIT ur a GUY i thought u were a girl wow wild good news for my gay ass”)

n those are my faves as far as i remember, i got a fuckton of small other ones that arent fleshed out enough, or some that are more of a guilty pleasure universe, and some that are more like “projects that i can expend on as soon as i run out of daydream material” (like u kno those hospital drama shows with super innacurate medicine n shit like idk scrubs or whatever, yeh i want some of that but im keeping it for later)

[livingasaghost]

a comprehensive list of all the lyrics from reputation that remind me of feyre/rhys/feysand/acomaf:

“WE THINK WE KNOW SOMEONE, BUT THE TRUTH IS THAT WE ONLY KNOW THE VERSION OF THEM THAT THEY HAVE CHOSEN TO US” - introducing the high lord and lady of the frikkin night court PLEASE BOW

ready for it 

“knew he was a killer first time that i saw him” - UM HELLO MEETING RHYS AT THE FIRE NIGHT?!

“in the middle of the night in my dreams you should see the things we do baby” - i swear half of their relationship started in their heads those filthy idiots

“knew i was a robber first time that he saw me” - feyre literally becomes a spy in tamlin’s house

“but if i’m a thief then he can join the heist and we’ll move to an island” - THEY PULL OFF THAT HUGE HEIST TOGETHER IN ACOWAR AND THEY BASICALLY WANNA MOVE TO THAT LIL CABIN IN ACOMAF am i shouting i’m sorry

“he can be my jailer burton to this FEYRE” - at first he’s kind of her jailer but then she falls in love with him soooo (also this could be satire bc tamlin was literally her jailer)

“every love i’ve known in comparison is a failure” - TAMLIN THE TOOL AM I RIGHT

“i forget their names now, i’m so very tame now, never be the same now” - satire again but she does become ‘tame’ once she goes back with tamlin

“baby let the games begin” - oof acowar am i right

end game 

“big reputation ooooh you and me we got big reputations” - literally rhys and feyre both end up with big reputations 

“ooooh you and me would be a big conversation” - THE DEFINITION OF THEIR EFFING RELATIONSHIP

“i got a bad boy persona that’s what they like -- you love it” - freaking rhysand oof

“you hold me down and i’ll protect you with my life” - literally rhys about feyre

“i don’t wanna touch you i don’t wanna be just another ex-love you don’t wanna see” - feyre when she doesn’t realize she loves rhys and they’re mates lol

“KNEW HER WHEN I WAS YOUNG RECONNECTED WHEN WE LITTLE BIT OLDER” - okay so feyre and rhys didn’t know each other as kids BUT they were mentally connected by the bond so that’s kind of the same thing??

“reputation precedes me, in rumors i’m knee deep” - RHYS AND amirightladies

“for all your beautiful traits and the way you do it with ease” - literally i swear rhys says this about feyre all the time

“for all my flaws paranoia and insecurities -- i’ve made mistakes and made some choices that’s hard to deny” - and here’s rhys being self-deprecating as always

“i hit you like bang, we tried to forget it but we just couldn’t” - oof talk about their whole relationship 

“i swear i don’t love the drama it loves me” - okay so this is like feyre and rhys both like both of them attract so much freaking drama without even trying

“i can’t let you go your hand prints on my soul” - FEYSAND FEELS

“you’ve been calling my bluff on all my usual tricks so here’s the truth from my red lips -- I WANNA BE YOUR END GAME” - in acomaf when feyre is just a DUMB DEPRESSED ABUSED BITCH rhys is like UH UH I AM CALLING YOUR BLUFF AND BRINGING YOU BACK TO LIFE ANGEL 

i did something bad

do i need to even do this one lol

“i never trust a narcissist, but they love me” - this whole song is about tamlin we BEEN KNEW

“for every lie i tell them, they tell me three” - literally tamlin and ianthe whenever they talk to feyre lol

“this is how the world works, now all he thinks about is me” - when she leaves tamlin is so bent up on her and she just wants him to let it go but HE CANT

“IF A MAN TALKS SHIT THEN I OWE HIM NOTHING i don’t regret it one bit cuz he had it comin” - poetic cinema

“they say i did something bad, then whys it feel so good?” - tamlin and lucien and everyone just thinks she’s evil and awful for siding with rhys but it doesn’t even matter HAHAHA

“so i fly em all around the world and i let them think they saved me” - when feyre goes back to tamlin’s court oof

“they never see it comin what i do next” - feyre causing trouble in the spring court in acowar hehehe

“he says dont throw away a good thing, but if he drops my name then i owe him nothing and if he spends my change THEN HE HAD IT COMIN” - HEAR THAT TAMLIN YOU HAD IT COMIN

“they’re burning all the witches even if you arent one - so light me up” - this whole song is just a feyre anthem am i right

don’t blame me

“don’t blame me love made me crazy” - feyre when she pretends the bond is broken at the end of acomaf lol “NO TAMLIN I PROMISE ID NEVER DO THAT RHYS MADE ME CRAZY”

“something happened for the first time in the darkest little paradise” - the freaking night court is a dark little paradise am i right

“for you i would cross the line” - FEYRE! CROSSED OVER! FROM THE SPRING COURT! INTO THE NIGHT COURT!

“they say she’s gone too far this time” - literally everyone judging her for jumping ship to rhys

“echoes of your name inside my mind, halo hiding my obsession” - !!!!!! THEY LITERALLY ECHO IN EACH OTHER’S MINDS!!! AND THEY’RE SO OBSESSED!!!

“i once was poison ivy but now i’m your daisy” - this line is interesting bc in theory she went from a daisy to poison ivy but RHYS actually turned her from the depressed poison ivy she was in acomaf to the daisy that loves him and fights for their court OOF

“and baby for you i would fall from grace just to touch your face” - FREAKING THIS LINE!!!! FEYRE FELL FROM GRACE BC SHE WANTED TO TOUCH RHYS’ FACE!!!

“if you walk away id beg you on my knees to stay” - all i can picture is rhys on his knees rememberrrr

delicate

“my reputation’s never been worse so you must like me for me” - RHYSAND TO FEYRE 

“we can’t make any promises now can we babe? but you can make me a drink” - this is like the beginning of their relationship bc they never really make promises to each other but they just spend time together and hope it’ll work out

“oh damn never seen that color blue” - mmmmm rhys’s eyes what a time

“is it chill that you’re in my head?” - honestly this whole song is rhys @ feyre

“do the girls back home touch you like i do?” - feyre thinking about freaking amarantha???

“echoes of your footsteps on the stairs, stay here honey i don’t wanna share” - all those times that rhys had to leave to do whatever business he had

“sometimes i wonder when you sleep, are you ever dreaming of me?” - !!!! the purest lil rhysand 

“sometimes when i look into your eyes i pretend you’re mine all the damn time” - if this isn’t feysand i swear

look what you made me do

GO OFF FEYRE GO OFF!!!

“i don’t like your little games don’t like your tilted stage the role you made me play, of the fool, no i don’t like you” - FEYRE GOING OFF ON TAMLIN AM I RIGHT

“but i got smarter i got harder in the nick of time, honey i rose up from the dead i do it all the time” - i just like to imagine feyre drawing herself to her full height with her wings and her fierce face and just towering over tamlin in rage

“i’ve got a list of names and yours in red underlined” - i mean....feyre has a list for sure

“LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!!!” - tamlin look what you made her do geez

“i don’t like your kingdom keys they once belonged to me” - MMMM feyre once liked the spring court but then he just LOCKED HER IN AND TOOK THE KEYS

“the world moves on another day another drama drama, but not for me not for me all i think about it karma” - feyre going to rhys is totally dramatic but she keeps thinking about the karma of it all

“maybe i got mine but you’ll all get yours” - FEYRE @ THE SPRING COURT

“i don’t trust nobody and nobody trusts me” - lucien @ feyre

“i’ll be the actress starring in your bad dreams” - god if this aint feyre

“i’m sorry the old feyre can’t come to the phone right now -- why? OH! CUZ SHE’S DEAD!” - !!!!! SHE IS NOW HIGH LADY GO OFF GIRL

so it goes

literally just the feysand sex anthem 

“see you in the dark, all eyes on you my magician” - rhys is totally feyre’s magician omg

“gold cage hostage to my feelings” - so many cage metaphors but this is a good nice cage bc it’s just her being held hostage by her feelings and not a mean white guy

“all the pieces fall right into place” - that’s feysand for ya

“you know i’m not a bad girl, but i do bad things with you” - FREAKING that’s just the definition of rhys and feyre 

“i make all your gray days clear and wear you like a necklace” - honestly this works for both of them bc they both make their gray days clear (and wear each other around lol)

“but i got your heart skippin when i’m gone” - rhys always being afraid when feyre goes off 

“scratches down your back now...” - i mean...need i say more?

“you did a number on me, but honestly baby who’s counting?” - let’s pretend i like writing about sex yikes

gorgeous

IF THIS AINT JUST TRUE FEYSAND

“you should think about the consequence of your magnetic field being a little too strong” - rhys definitely has a very strong magnetic field 

“and i got a boyfriend he’s older than us, he’s in the club doin i don’t know what” - lol @ tamlin

“you’ve ruined my life by not being mine” - i mean...come on

“you’re so gorgeous i can’t say anything to your face, cuz look at your face” - yes rhysand is GORGEOUS *DING*

“and i’m so furious at you for making me feel this way” - feyre was always just so mad whenever she started liking him bc she didn’t want to what a dumb bitch

“you should think about the consequence of you touching my hand in a darkened room” - this is like the whole beginning of their relationship haha

“ocean blue eyes looking in mine i feel like i might sink and drown and die” - !!!!! RHYSAND!!!

getaway car

I MEAN COME ON??! is taylor just copying acomaf??!

“it was the best of times the worst of crimes” - what tamlin did was a crime honestly

“i struck a match and blew your mind but i didn’t mean it and you didn’t see it” - this is all of tamlin and feyre’s relationship in acomaf honestly like feyre does stuff she doesn’t actually mean but tamlin doesn’t see it anyway

“i wanted to leave him, i needed a reason” - !!! SHE WANTED TO LEAVE TAMLIN!!! SHE DIDN’T HAVE A REASON THO SO SHE JUST CRIED FOR HELP!

“he poisoned the well i was lying to myself” - did he not?

“you were drivin the getaway car we were flyin but we never get far” - rhysand swooped in (although technically it was mor but whatever!)

“it was the great escape the prison break, the light of freedom on my face” - when feyre finally made it to the night court oof!

“he was runnin after us i was screamin go! go! go! but with 3 of us honey it’s a sideshow” - this is exactly what happened

“we were jet set bonnie and clyde - until i switched to the other side” - she and tam were partners! but then she jumped ship to the night court!

“i’m in a getaway car, i left you in the motel bar, put the money in a bag and i stole the keys, that was the last time you ever saw me” - i like to think about how feyre just skipped out of the spring court like the devious little minx she is

“i was riding in a getaway car, i was cryin in a getaway car, i was dyin in a getaway car, said goodbye in a getaway car” - oof

king of my heart

AND ALL AT ONCE!!!

“we rule the kingdom inside my room” - yep that’s feysand alright

“cause all the boys and their expensive cars with their range rovers and their jaguars never took me quite where you do” - tamlin gave her so much and yet he really didn’t give her what counted hmmmm

“AND ALL AT ONCE YOU ARE THE ONE I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR KING OF MY HEART BODY AND SOUL” - sigh

“your love is a secret i’m hoping dreaming dying to keep” - they have to hid their love when feyre goes back to tamlin and now i’m sad

“change my priorities the taste of your lips is my idea of luxury” - before rhys feyre really didn’t have anything to fight for so he gave her purpose and life and proved that she had that in her all along, even without him

“is this the end of all the endings? my broken bones are mending with all these nights we’re spending” - RHYS LITERALLY BROUGHT HER BACK TO LIFE AFTER SHE LOST SO MUCH WEIGHT AT TAMLINS

“baby all at once this is enough” - feysaaaand

dancing with our hands tied

“i loved you in secret, first sight we loved without reason” - even though she didn’t love him from that first time at the fire night, even when she saw him she was like OOF THIS GUY

“my love had been frozen, deep blue but you painted me golden” - !!!! NAME A MORE PERFECT LYRIC! FEYRE WAS LITERALLY DEPRESSED AND BLUE BUT RHYS BROUGHT HER BACK AND MADE HER GOLDEN!

“you said there was nothing in the world that could stop it, i had a bad feeling” - literally just them going to hybern

“you had turned my bed into a sacred oasis” - need i say more

“people started talking, putting us through our paces, i knew there was no one in the world who could take it” - when word got out that they were together and ppl just hated that

“but we were dancing, dancing with our hands tied” - mmmm starfall

“i loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us” - like honestly feysand to the extreme

“so baby can we dance through an avalanche?” - oof

“i’m a mess but i’m the mess that you wanted” - FEYRE IS SUCH A MESS! RHYS IS SUCH A MESS! BUT THEY BOTH WANTED EACH OTHER!!!

“cause it’s gravity keeping you with me” - they’re literally mates and they keep being destined to be together it’s gravity bay-beeee

“i’d kiss you as the lights went out, swaying as the room burned down, i’d hold you as the water rushes in, if i could dance with you again” - literally the end of acomaf i’m sad

dress

the other feysand sex anthem yeet

“our secret moments in a crowded room, they got no idea about me and you” - oof when they have to go to the court of nightmares

“there is an indentation in the shape of you, made your mark on me a golden tattoo” - this is so feysand it hurts

“all of this silence and patience pining and anticipation my hands are shaking from holding back from you” - like???? honestly get a room

“say my name and everything just stops i don’t want you like a best friend” - remember when feyre thought they were just friends LOL

“ONLY BOUGHT THIS DRESS SO YOU COULD TAKE IT OFF” - it be like that sometimes

“inescapable i’m not even gonna try” - that’s exactly what their relationship is

“and if i get burned at least we were electrified” - oh they were electrified all right

“i’m spillin wine in the bathtub, you kiss my face and we’re both drunk, everyone thinks that they know us, but they know nothing about...” - just like...imagine the two of them...im crying

“even in my worst times, you could see the best in me” - !!!!! feyre @ rhysand and rhysand @ feyre

“flashback to mistakes, my rebounds my earthquakes, even in my worst lies you saw the truth in me” - tag a more perfect couple

“and i woke up just in time, now i wake up by your side, my one and only my lifeline” - IT’S THEM! EACH OTHER’S LIFELINE!

this is why we can’t have nice things

“why’d you have to rain my parade? i’m shaking my head i’m locking the gates” - honestly tamlin is at fault like he didn’t have to be an asshat and yet...

“THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS DARLING BECAUSE WE BREAK THEM I HAD TO TAKE THEM AWAY” - feyre taking herself (the nice thing) out of the spring court bc tamlin’s an ass

“did you think i wouldn’t hear all the things you said about me????” - literally so much shit-talking is done in the spring court i swear

“there i was giving you a second chance but you stabbed me in the back whlie shaking my hand” - the definition of tamlin honestly

“so i took an axe to a mended fence” - BYE BYE BITCH

“but i’m not the only friend you lost lately IF ONLY YOU WEREN’T SO SHADY” - lucien even said tamlin was in the wrong!!! AND TAMLIN WAS SO SHADY HE WENT TO THE KING OF HYBERN!!!

“here’s a toast to my real friends!” - we love the inner circle

“and here’s to my baby!” - we stan rhysand

“and here’s to you cuz forgiveness is a nice thing to do -- I CANT EVEN SAY IT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE” - LOLOLOLOL

call it what you want

okay out of ALL OF THE SONGS this one is definitely the one that matches up the most, the one that i think is truly 100% the best feysand song in existence

“my castle crumbled overnight” - feyre literally was in the spring court and then suddenly she just felt awful and tamlin was the worst

“i brought a knife to a gunfight” - feyre trying to fight amarantha but also trying to go against tamlin

“all the liars are calling me one” - IANTHE AND TAMLIN OOF

“nobody’s heard from me for months, i’m doin better than i ever was” - !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAS BITCH

“my baby’s fit like a daydream, walking with his head down i’m the one he’s walking to” - rhys does not care what anyone says or thinks he just loves feyre oof

“SO CALL IT WHAT YOU WANT YEAH CALL IT WHAT YOU WANT TO” - literally no one understands them outside the inner circle and i just wanna die

“my baby’s fly like a jetstream, high about the whole scene, loves me like i’m brand new” - RHYS LITERALLY FLIES! AND LOVES HER LIKE SHE’S BRAND NEW!!!

“all my flowers grew back as thorns, windows boarded up after the storm” - funny bc it’s a court of THORNS and ROSES but also she did change from that innocent soft girl to someone who would cut a bitch for her friends, she also is really closed off at the start of acomaf and rhys just...

“he built a fire just to keep me warm” - KEEPS HER WARM!

“all the drama queens taking swings, all the jokers dressing up as kings” - the frikkin spring court (tamlins the drama queen lol)

“they fade to nothing when i look at him” - dare i say oof

“and i know i make the same mistakes every time, bridges burn i never learn at least i did one thing right” - SHE DID ONE THING RIGHT

“i’m laughing with my lover making forts under covers” - picture feysand building a pillow fort

“STARRY EYES SPARKING UP MY DARKEST NIGHT” - LIKE COME ON!!! THE NIGHT COURT!!! IM SCREAMING!!

“I WANT TO WEAR HIS INITIAL ON A CHAIN ROUND MY NECK, NOT BECAUSE HE OWNS ME BUT CUZ HE REALLY KNOWS ME” - okay wait this one though....dare i say....oof

“you don’t need to save me, but would you run away with me - yes” - that’s like the definition of feysand 

new year’s day

“there’s glitter on the floor after the party” - STAR FALL!!!!

“don’t read the last page but i stay when you’re lost and i’m scared and you’re turning away” - i’ve run out of cool anecdotes so cut to me sobbing

“i want your midnights” - like...all their nightmares....

“i can tell that it’s gonna be a long road, but i’ll be there if you’re the toast of the town babe, or if you strike out and you’re crawling home” - oof

“i stay when it’s hard or it’s wrong or we’re making mistakes” - still feeling things

“hold on to the memories they will hold on to you” - im sad

why she disappeared

“when she fell, she fell apart” - feyre in acomaf am i right

“cracked her bones on the pavement she once decorated as a child with sidewalk chalk” - FEYRE’S A PAINTER! IT FITS!

“when she lay there on the ground, she dreamed of time machines and revenge and a love that was really something, not just the idea of something” - honestly tho if this aint feyre

“when she stood, she stood with a desolate knowingness, waded out into the dark wild ocean up to her neck, bathed in her brokenness” - *singing* acomafff

“said a prayer of gratitude for each chink in the armor she never knew she needed” - it helped her find rhysand

“standing broad shouldered next to her was a love that was really something” - OOF

“without your past, you could never have arrived, so wondrously and brutally, by design or some violent exquisite happenstance...here” - !!!!!! FEYRE ARCHERON EVERYBODY!!!!

[reddeaddenial]

A, G, and S for the boiiisssszzz (I'm sorry if its long setdfyguhij)

Nonono dont apologize, i loooove answering long questions like this! It really makes me think about my ocs and helps develop them more! 

 ヽ(*・ω・)ﾉ

A: Aptitude1. what are your oc’s natural abilities, things they’ve been doing since young?

Nick has always had very quick reflexes. They most likely developed while he was pushing himself to get stronger when he was recovering from his childhood illness. Or maybe they were there all along and he finally had a healthy body to show for it. This of course carried over into him quickly being able to point and shoot, engage quickly with enemies. He’s got terrific aim, but that’s something he’s practiced with over the years. 

Leo is just… Leo. He understands and learns very quickly even from a young age. He learned to read very well early in life and impressed his tutors with his quick knowledge of math. He just retains everything like a sponge. Buuut he comes off simple because of his lack of understanding of social interactions. But i think the most natural ability he has is his way of thinking strategically. He’s been beating his brothers at chess for yeaaars lol And he’s been a massive help to his old gang leader when helping plan out robberies. 

Theo is a natural charmer. he’s been able to tell since he could talk who and what he can get away with by reading the situation in a room. That only got better the older he got. He became the trio’s negotiator for most things. Hell surprisingly he’s the one that knows more than one language!

2. what activities have they participated in?

I’m not really sure what this is defining as activities. So I’ll just go with the RDR2 theme of it. Target contests for sure wit Nick, I bet he’s one quite a bit of cash at those. Leo has gone and done several horse races and hasn’t done too bad there. Theo on multiple occasions has gotten an entire saloon shitfaced and basically they become big parties and everyone having a great time and Theo is gettin’ the juiciest gossip about new places and stores to rob. >:3

3. what abilities do they have that they’ve worked for?

Nick it’s his aim. Before the outlaw life, they were all pretty sheltered and weren’t around lots of guns and such, so while he had the natural reflexes of a gunslinger, he hadn’t the aim. that was built up over lots of hard work and determination to protect his brother. He became pretty adept at it roughly 3 years in. He had to be, for them to survive. He also had to work to learn to cook for him and his brothers. Living on the road, they didn’t know much about food. It was a lot of trial and error, lots of food poisoning lol But now hes the best cook among the three, which isnt saying too much, but he at least knows how to season venison lol. 

Leo had definitely had to work with his ability to shoot a gun, or use weapons in general. He learned the gun out of necessity thanks to Nick’s coaxing, but he’s surprisingly more comfortable throwing axes than using guns lol. He’s just just honestly the most uneasy around guns because of the business they had with their dad and the trio shooting him, even if it was on accident. 

Theo had to work a lot with his knife throwing and just knives in general. He’;s got a lot of visible scars littered about his hands from a lot of failed attempts from some bullshit or another. But he’s gun a lot of dumb luck, like he’d throw a knife at an enemy and the handle hits the man instead of the blade. BUT he hit it so hard and in the back of the head, the guy goes unconscious instead lol

4. what things are they bad at?

Lol Oh man, so much. Like mentioned before, the other two boys cant cook for shit. They gotta live off of canned food or leftovers if Nick’s not around. Nick can’t patch up his own clothes, he sucks at sewing, just gets confused at what he’s looking at, one time he sewed the sleeve of his shirt completely shut, that had Theo and Leo in hysterics at his own expense. Leo as we know isn’t good with communicating well with others. He either comes off stupid or  arrogant to strangers, neither is a good scenario. Theo in particular, sucks at stakeouts, or just waiting around doing nothing, he gets very fidgety and wants to talk. So he’s been forced to find ways to entertain himself with like a book or playing cats cradle

5. what is their most impressive talent?

For Nick it’s definitely his gunslinging. He’s quite proud of how well he can shoot. 

For Theo, probably his medical work. He’s very quick and knows where to cute, and get you nice and buzzed on booze so it’s not too bad. He’s gone as so quickly to remove a bullet, sanitize, stitch and wrap a wound in less than ten minutes, he’s got it down to an art, it’s like removing a splinter to him lol

Leo it would be his brilliant plans. Like he may be quiet, but he is the most sly and creative of the group. I won’t go in too much detail cuz I have some great ideas he’s gonna implement in future chapters. But his brain is gonna have people go ‘well shit why havent we thought of that sooner?’ >:3c

G: Gorgeous

1. what is their most attractive external feature?

The twins like to tease that it’s Nick’s babyface and blonde hair. He just scowls and yanks them down into a headlock lmao. But honestly all the boys got those pretty ‘Teale Green’ eyes, that draw people in. 

2. what is the most attractive part of their personality?

Theo’s is his humor and empathy with others. Leo’s is… well I guess some people would be into the quiet listener type? Nick well… honestly he’s a bit prickly but he has some good morals underneath all that. I think the best part of his personality is standing up and protecting others I suppose. :p

3. what benefits come with being their friend?

Oh boy well basically you get the infinite protection of these three. They’re loyal to a fault and will back you up in any situation. When they bond to people, it’s family. And you treat family right. Of course with that, you gotta put up with Theo’s shenanigans, Leo desperately wanting someone else to thrash at chess, and Nick’s paranoid grumpy ass. But they’re good boys who treat their friends right. ;w; 

4. what parts of them do they like and dislike?

Theo hates that he cares too much about what people think, he can be easily antagonized sometimes because of it. He also has his moments where he just gets into this depressive spiral about how they’ve turned into murderers and thieves and his brothers gotta shake him outa it. He does like how tall he is though, it impresses the ladies and works for a good intimidation tactic :p Leo sometimes hates how identical he and Theo are, because people mistake him for Theo and get weird about how different and quiet he acts, he gets very self conscious about it some days, but hes usually ok. But in the same thought process, its something that he also likes about himself that he and Theo are identical. Idk its a bit of a crisis for him lol

Nick has some Arthur Moods™ when it comes to himself. He looks younger and smaller compared to his brothers some days, he hates the scar on his nose, reminds him of his dear ol dad who put it there, gets kinda self conscious about it too. One thing he suppose he likes about himself is his hair. Little secret, but he keeps good care of that shit, keep it nice and soft, will sometimes tie it back too. The twins tease him on occasion but not too much, else he’ll hide it all under a hat lol

5. what parts of others do they envy?

Nick of course envies his brother’s heights a lot, envies anyone who’s taller than him really. He also just envies people who can just be so carefree even in the darkest of time. He just hyperfixates on the worst a lot. 

Theo envies Nick’s ability to shoot and hunt. They’re useful skills to have as an outlaw that he just hasn’t mastered too well. But at least he’s got his knives! :) Leo envies anyone who can just speak their mind to others so easily. How can they condense all their thoughts into just a few sentences? How do they flawlessly move through unspoken social etiquette? It’s a mystery Leo wishes one day he too will understand.  

S: Streets1. are they street-smart?

They definitely weren’t at first! Sheltered boys practically caged up on their father’s property, only learning about the real world after they shot the man? Yeah they had a lot of learning to do and they learned through a lot of mistake son their part. But ten years have come and gone and they’re definitely a lot more street smart now. 

2. would they give money to someone on the streets?

Probably, they know how that life is like. That first year on their own was very rough on them and they sympathize with the normal poor citizens having more morals than themselves to not go robbing people like they did. 

3. have they ever gotten in a fight on the streets?

Oh definitely! Sometime Theo’s placating nature just riles up people more and shit happens. But he’s got his brothers to back him up. Also on that note, someone trying to mess with Nick and Nick being the unsociable cactus that he is, makes things worse. Next thing you know, someone pulls out a knife and Nick’s curb stomping the guy who called him girly. Y’know, shit happens. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

4. has anything happened to them on the streets?

Lmao see above. 

5. are they cautious when out?

They’re always cautious thanks to Nick’s incessant lectures about watching their backs and always being aware of the law. 

[bonbonswirl-blog]

Perfect

ALL THE CHARACTERS BELONG TO @brueklynn I OWN NOTHING. This is like..uhhhh idk?... a 'batim' au idea? I guess? Im Not sure idk..its just that I got the idea from there and Instead of bendy its jokey, but not really exactly what happend there in batim. Plz ignore the bad portrayed scenes XD blondie is a lot OOC here. Enjoy if you only can thx.

It was a typical afternoon, the sunlit clouds drifted across a clear blue sky, fresh air filled the atmosphere swaying the palm trees gently by a breeze. David was at the recording room, a mellifluous melodic singing voice rose high, following the sweet, piping notes produced by the musical instruments around. After such a lilting, everyone toke a break, david sat on a chair, holding the lyrics for the new song in his hands. He saw a shadow approaching him, revealing his only cheerful boss. "Oh hey Mr. Blondie!! How are you in this lovely day!" "Hello david! Just checking on my young talented singer! How is the new song going?" "Its going great! Im just reading the lyrics again now!" "Thats good!...you know david...have you ever thought about how much the children love your jokey voice?" "Oh! Thats intresting...im sure everybody enjoy listening to it!" "Yea! they do....have you ever felt some...connections...to jokey?" "Connections? Mmmm well...I do feel that we both share a good love for the stage and thrilling the audience! along with the love to asssist other people and spread some optimism in the air!" "Thats beautifull!...Have you ever considered before...becoming this star that all those kids appresciate?" "That...looks pretty Mr. Blondie! But what do you mean?" His boss began to equivocally chuckle, it was low but icy, wasnt like his usual gleeful ones that gave an auditory hug, but david overlooked that, remaining unruffled till the answer. "David. Can you come with me for a while?" "Sure thing! But..what about the new song?" "Dont worry! It can be done in another time! now follow me!" They both left the recording room, the animator leading the ginger boy across the studio, while on their little trip to the unknown room they are walking to, david catched from away a sight of henry, tommy and norman talking together until a rueful rob drew near them, starting a conversation. David didnt mean to eavesdrop anyone, but their high voices did reach his ear. "Guys! Have any of you heared ANYthing lately about harriet? I cant find her anywhere! She didnt come to work and she is not at her home! I called her many times but she doesnt reply! Im really so scared..." rob vented, the three told him thag they didnt see her too. David felt sorry for the fellow worker, hoping that harriet is alright and will be back soon. He looked forward, though he only saw blondie back and his wheelchair, he could feel that he is trying to ignore something, he may have heard a little of the talking out there, maybe he feels sad too? But david was in his mind for a bit, wasnt aware of the time until he sensed that blondie stopped moving. This is when he noticed he is in an unrecognizable area he didnt see before, maybe this was a new place that got built recently?, " Here we are david!!" In front of both was a dark long way of stairs, it was only one storey up, just like one of those half open basemant stariecases. David knew not both will be able to clmib this, he was ready to push that wheelchair up, he looked at blondie concerned, whom just returned a grin. "Dont worry about me! I have my own ways for climbing those!" David didnt really get it, but he just let it go and left blondie to use to his own way, watching him in every step making sure he wont be close to any harm.

Dont ask how blondie climbed the stairs, he just did. that was a really narrow hall they were both in, in front of them a wooden door, blondie toke out his keys and opened it, only for both to be greeted by. "Finally!! Where Were ya!!" an angry wallaby yelled, looking as if he lost patience, it seems blondie was late to whatever meeting they should have done earlier, the room wasnt so small, almost looks like a little hallway with a wall at the end. The view was...tensed, it was a dark room with only a little bulb barley lighning it, orange colored light struggling to penetrate the darkness in thin thread rays. It was almost as if candles were the ones giving the slight shine here. Wallaby, paul and murphy were there, standing near the sides of the walls, everyone in a specific place, two at the right wall and one at the left one, only a mile spearting each two. the menacing aura holding david in a tightening grip, why do blondie have such a grisly decorating tatse...He wasnt sure if entering this room is a safe idea. "Guys!! I Brought Our Last Guest!!" Blondie exclaimed in a chirpy tone, closing the door behind himm Last guest? What does he mean? "Can we PLEASE Finish This Now And Go out?" "Come on paul dont be such a killjoy! Enjoy the place!" "If you are telling us to enjoy this creepy atmosphere then I had lost all my faith in you." murphy sneered, clearly not comfortable or trusty with how this 'gathering' is going to end, nobody knows the goal behind it. "Come on David! Here! This Is Your Place!! Stay Still And Dont Move Ok?" Blondie said while putting david on a specific spot on the left wall. "Sure! Wont Move A Shoe!" David obeyed, blondie looked at him, but this time, although he had his usual smile that showed his white glowed teeth spreaded on his face, his eyes had shimmers with some inexplicable spite. "Everything is set~" He whispered this under his breath while walking to one of the corners, nobody heard that one. Three of the invited four toke a look at blondie whereas he was doing something uncanny at that distant corner. David turned at the person in front of him, which was paul. "Oh! hey Mr.Paul!" But being the tedious man he is, paul didnt respone, only focusing on the book on his hand, thats why wallaby seemed as if he was gabbling to himself. The young boy then looked to his right side and saw murphy, still keeping an eye at blondie in a suspicion, despite not understanding a thing from what he was doing, nobody can just fetch someone to a room like this without being not up to something. "So Guys! Why are we here?" "I Dunno david! Mr. Blondie just went to me and told me that I gotta get here cuz he needs me for somethin, well I dont see anything! All I do is just standing on dis here spot not movin a leg!! What about ya paul?" "I dont care I just came here so he can stop nagging me." " I came here after he told me that I can be a 'star' like jokey." "Wait you gonna be a star? Ooh! Thats why we standin on a star!" "What?!" Wallaby words strongly drived murphy attention, making him watch the ground, they all noticed it now, they are standing on 'stars' that are drawn on the floor. David felt inside him a very straied premonisition feeling that was telling him to move, he didnt understand it, why would his guts tell him to move away from a single drawing on the floor? He promised his boss he will stay still there....how could a star drawing hurt anyone? Since whe do drawing harm people? But no matter how much he tries to brush off that feeling, it feels like a stiff weigh was being held on his chest, it made him feel so sick, maybe he just needs to move because his legs hurt him? Yeh yeh thats just it. The cheeky lad toke one step only out of that star shape, he tried to persuad himself its his legs aching and not because of a sixth sense, and that was really something he should be thankful for because. "Guys! I think we gonna be a stars!" "Wallaby...I dont think this star shape is used fo-" "GOODBYE MATES!!"

And with a casted spell and a flash of an eye, everybody was drowned with an unknown colorful sticky liquid that fully covered them, gluing them to the ground. Expect David, who fell down to the ground aspect with a horrible fear that rised behind his eyes from the grisly vision that immediately happend.

Blondie Stood there, watching him in enmity.

Blondie turned around, only to be so bothered by seeing the surviver. "Oh it seems I missed a shot! Im going to fix this~" The words had deserted david, the color quickly drained from his face, a cold wave embalmed him and his mouth ran dry, sweat poured down his body, Heart began to hammer against his chest, every muscle in his body shouted at him to flee. To escpae this imminent threat. He hurried to the door, using every little cell of power left to open it, but no matter how much he quickly moves the handle in fright, the door didnt open, oh yes, blondie locked it. Seeing no hope, he knocked on it so expeditiously and hardly, trying not to make his words stumbled, begging for someone outside to hear him. "HEEEEELLLP!!! HELP ME!!! PLEASE!!! ANYBODY OUT THERE?!?!? PLEASE HELP ME!!" "Come on David, why so nervous?" Blondie snickered from behind him, his voice hinting he is oncoming, his tone ringing in a sick icy way, sending chimes ringing in david ears, but he kept screaming for a rescue, he was not frightened nor afraid, he was beyond such mere nouns, he was going crazy, his boater hat fell from his head, it only reminded of how much he wants his family NOW in this profound situation, he just wanted to go back to them again, stay with his father marley at home and go to beach together or golf or car or wherever his father wants to go, staying in his parents arms was all what he desired, he would never wish anything anymore after this. He could no longer control his hands they were shaking in an odd trembling rhythm, his legs collapsed underneath him, teeth chattering in fear, He slid down the door, bringing his knees up to his chest.

"I-I-I-I-I-I D-D-DONT UNDERSTAND!!!!!!"

"You dont understand? I hated you! Im who created jokey! He was my friend since the childhood! My friend since the start!! But you! I saw every little detail I gifted him in you! You were perfect, perfect for him, more perfect than me! Now that I had a studio of my own, I wanted him to be alive! I reached my wish by the help of you all, by animating and presenting him to all the children around the world, they loved him, just like me! But lately, I didnt feel that I made this dream come true yet...how can a cartoon character offset me of a friend who always stayed by my side that I cant make real! But now I found a second chance, a second chance to revive him, to this reality. Thats it! Thats the chance! By using some souls to bring those stunning characters and that convival cartoony world I created to reality...that was always my biggest dream...and whats a better chance than to have the voice actor whom I influenced the traits for the children 'star' right at my hand~ People will love you david~"

Blondie was right, if david dyed his hair black and wore some cheeks make up, he could exactly like a real life jokey, but who would need a cheap costume when you can bring jokey himself to reality. David recalled the times when he sometimes thought uncle harry may have been a little overprotective of him. He thought his uncle needs to ease a bit, nothing so dangerous will happen for him. Now, he regret thinking this, and wants him to overprotect him forever and ever. Fear became a tangible, living force that crept over him like some hungry beast, immobilizing him and his brain, holding him a captive and took control of his entire body, Shadows and echoes play on his senses warping shapes and sounds. That outlandish substance already reached his legs, his life flashed before his eyes and he ushered his bright unearthly ones shut.

Yeb, this is the angel end.

[werewolfwilds]

i redid an ask meme that i had originally done ~3 years ago to see the comparison so for archiving purposes im putting it in a lil journal entry here ! i wanna start doing small journal entries again it was fun when i did that

new answers bolded

1) what images do you have set for your desktop/cell phone wallpapers?

my desktop bg is literally just…. a collage of kageyama manga screencaps a h a,,,, and my cellphone bg are drawings some gay drew me like 74724 years ago :v // my desktop rn is actually a background from one of the dmmd routes LMFAO..... idk which one it is but i’ve always liked those bg pics!! my cell lock screen is p5 art and my bg is leopika

2) have you ever had a crush on a teacher?

nooooope // nah

3) what was your last text message?

my phone is dead so i wouldnt be able to tell you lmfao i dont even remember // it was a gif from kelly lol

4) what do you see yourself doing in 10 years?

hopefully working a job i enjoy and making costumes and being happy!! // god i have no idea and it freaks me out... hopefully working,,

5) if you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be?

hoommee ((or at katsucon tbh)) // at the beach with friends maybe

6) what was your coolest halloween costume?

a white cat probably lmao // i dont think ive ever had a particularly exciting halloween costume but one year i was sharpay from high school musical and i think i peaked then tbh

7) what was your favorite 90s show?

uhhhh….. i didnt really… start watching tv until like… the 2000′s so i really cant tell you man lol // spongebob started in 1999 does that coUNT,

8) who was your last kiss?

(answer redacted) // :/ someone should kiss me so i can change this answer lmao

9) have you ever been stood up?

nope //  nah

10) favorite ice cream flavor?

vanilla w/ vanilla oreos ok u need to underst a n d // this hasn’t changed i haven’t had this particular ice cream in a long time but i still stand by it

11) have you been to las vegas?

nahh // nope

12) your favorite pair of shoes?

idk i have these black ones i wear everywhere lol // i have a pair of white sneakers that i refuse to stop wearing now

13) honestly, have you ever cheated on your significant other?

i wouldnt even consider it. // no bc i’m not a piece of shit lmao?

14) what is your favorite fruit?

hmmm…. pineapple orrr…. strawberries but only if they’re the really good kind like they have to be perfect // pineapple!!

15) have you talked to anyone on tumblr that you could see yourself  dating/having sex with? if possible?

….. ye s… yes. // in the past apparently so but thinking about it now nah lol

16) are you into hookups? short or long term relationships?

hookups arent my thing eh i prefer long term relationships altho i cant really say ive been in a “long” term relationship pffff // i don’t think hookups will ever be my thing, emotionally long term relationships are what i’m here for but i’m also a Very Impulsive Person so i cant tell you if this will stay a fact :’)

17) do you smoke? if so, what?

nope dont wanna // no thanks

18) what do you do to get over your anger?

usually talk to people or shout into word // i have to vent about it to someone probably a thousand times even months or years after it happens tbh

19) do you believe in god?

nahh // nah

20) does the person you’re in love with know it?

i aint in love with anyone rn so no? // i’m not in love with anyone.

21) favorite position?

………….. for w hat………. // oh honey lmfao... N/A

22) what’s your horoscope sign?

virgo/ox ovob // Virgo/sun, Aries/moon, Libra/rising and Cancer/midheaven

23) your fears?

literally everything i already named a few so ill name some others… ghh anything in… the ocean or lakes and stuff frightens me and i really dont know why bu tlike…. fish and crabs and jellyfish and seaweed cuz it’s evil and stu f f basically anything that’s not a mammal or turtles or penguins…. lo l im a baby // uncertainty is a big fear of mine and also people being mad at me lmao... as far as physical fears though i have debilitating fears of almost all insects/arachnids and lobsters/shrimp/crawfish :^)))))

24) how many pets do you have? what kind?

two cats and a dog!! // one cat one dog

25) what never fails to turn you on?

i dunno,,/////// // lol neck biting/kissing oof

26) your idea of a perfect first date?

im okay with mostly anything i just really like spending time with the person ; v ; // i’ve never really had an answer for this? thinking about dates has always made me so anxious for whatever reason but i’ll be happy to just spend time with them doing whatever honestly, i’m a super indecisive person aha

27) what is something most people don’t know about you?

i dont really know tbh lmfao // i’ve considered in the past looking into mental conditions (anxiety/bpd/etc) to see if i might have one or two but i never want to say anything about it because i don’t want to self-diagnose anything.

28) what makes you feel the happiest?

nice weather and nice conversations w/ best people u//v//u // nice weather and hanging out with people who are fun and easy to talk to

29) what store do you shop at most often?

does….. arda wigs count or… // does arda wigs still count bc mood lmao but truthfully now it’s probably target

30) how do you feel about oral? giving and/or receiving?

kkdkjsfkjkjfj??fsfj/// go for i t??? i have no problems with i t??? i dont think ill ever be willing to put a dick in my mouth though // these random sexual questions thrown in here are something aren’t they lmao. not going to disclose much but i will stand by the fact that i will not put a dick in my mouth lo l

31) do you believe in karma?

sometimes ye // i believe that people will eventually get what’s coming to them but i don’t believe in karma as a solid concept if that makes sense? like i don’t think it’s guaranteed

32) are you single?

yup yup // yeah it’s been wild lmao

33) do you think flowers or candy are a better way to apologize?

i think being sincere is the best way to apologize– if you truly mean it the person will know. you dont need to buy your forgiveness. // the best way to apologize is just to apologize sincerely and change your behavior if it’s applicable.

34) are you a good swimmer?

ehh??? im ok i guess– i took swimming lessons as a kid but i havent done legit swimming ever since then lmao,, ive always been best at the backstroke tho yea // i mean i have the ability to swim but i’m not olympic-worthy or anything lmao

35) coffee or tea?

ehhh im not big on either tbh // chocolate milk and you can fight me

36) online shopping or shopping in person?

depends what your shopping for i guess?? online is more relaxed i guess // online probably because shopping in person Gives Me Anxiety

37) would you rather be older or younger than your current age?

ehhh im happy where i am tbh // older

38) cats or dogs?

do not make me choose // cats and dogs* there i fixed it for you

39) are you a competitive person?

ahaa,,,,, oh god yeah,, // OOF yeah

40) do you believe in aliens?

i believe there’s life on other planets somewhere?? so i guess?? // i believe in aliens in the sense that there’s no way we are the only living life forms in the universe but not in the science-fiction way you feel me

41) do you like dancing?

i do but i suck at it lmao // i do but i: A- suck, and B- have no stamina

42) what kind of music to you listen to?

nearly everything tbh // i’m not picky when it comes to music but imma be real w u. almost all of the music on my phone is kpop. seventeen is my favorite group along with astro, and i also enjoy super junior, shinee, red velvet, etc among so many others,,, im pretty wide spread !

43) what is your favorite cartoon character?

i will never be able to pick just one // i’ll literally never be able to answer this

44) where are you from?

philadelphia uvu // philly!

45) eat at home or eat out?

hmmm at home. // at home

46) how much more social are you when you’re drunk?

i never plan on being drunk tyvm // i’ve never consumed alcohol in my life and to be Quite Fucking Honest i want nothing to do with it

47) what was the last thing you bought for yourself?

bracelets ! ; u ; // uh... excluding food and music... earrings i think

48) why do you think your followers follow you?

uhhhhhhh lmfao i have no idea i think… a good amount are for my cosplays at least?? or id like to think so lmfao but i really dont know pfft // my followers have just accumulated and hung around over the years... i know i gained a good amount from my snk days as arlert-the-troops and then through my haikyuu phase, whether it was for my cosplay or other posts that i made... whenever someone follows me now im not entirely sure what its for but i appreciate everyone who’s stuck around!

49) how many hours do you sleep at night?

it’s never regular man // 6-9 (lol) hours is pretty normal for me

50) what worries you most about the future?

everything tbh // the future as a concept worries me lol

[chimkkookbts]

Rules: Once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to tag! 

Thank you for tagging me ❤ @muchbetterjulia

LAST 

[1] drink: water

[2] phone call: my bff

[3] text message: the same bff

[4] song you listened to: bts/exo mashup playboy/house of cards

[5] time you cried: 2day

[6] dated someone twice: no

[7] been cheated on: nope

[8] kissed someone and regretted it: nope since i think alot i dont think i’d regret such things

[9] lost someone special: yes

[10] been depressed: yes , the past 3 months

[11] gotten drunk and thrown up: hmm is it weird that i dont drink?

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS

[12] white

[13] red

[14] blue

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

[15] made new friends: yup

[16] fallen out of love: thats too yes

[17] laughed until you cried: alot lol

[18] found out someone was talking about you:  Yeah unfortunately

[19] met someone who changed you: all the ppl i met kinda changed something about me

[20] found out who your true friends are: yeah im sure rn

[21] kissed someone on your facebook list: noooo

[22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: i kno all of them since its private

[23] do you have any pets: a cat

[24] do you want to change your name: im kinda satisfied

[25] what did you do for your last birthday: jst had a surprise party in a big resturant from my best friends

[26] what time did you wake up: 8:30 am

[27] what were you doing at midnight last night: Watching jikook reaction videos and i think i watched alllll of them like really all

[28] name something you cannot wait for:  hmm since i graduated college this year i cant wait for going to korea someday

[29] when was the last time you saw your mother: like half an hour ago

[30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: to be working on my own

[31] what are you listening to right now: nothing cuz of a severe headache

[32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: hahah nooo but since u mentioned this i want to

[33] something that is getting on your nerves: a friend that she’s not a friend anymore

[34] most visited website: tumblr , youtube , ao3

[35] elementary: nice memories

[36] high school: the best friends but the worst days of my life

[37] college: i thought it’d be better but should have kept my expectations lower

[38] hair colour: brown

[39] long or short hair: my hair is long but i wanna have a short haircut soon

[40] do you have a crush on someone: no thanx god

[41] what do you like about yourself?: i dont kno mayb that i can understand lots of personalities

[42] piercings: none i jst have 2 on my ears

[43] blood type: O+

[44] nickname: Ara

[45] relationship status: freeee and single thanx to jungkook yeah

[46] zodiac sign: pisces

[47] pronouns: She/Her

[48] fav tv show(s): I dont watch tv actually

[49] tattoos: if they r simple i’d like to try them but for now no

[50] right or left handed: right

FIRST… 

[51] surgery: none

[52] piercing: jst my ears

[53] best friend: she’s not here on tumblr so i cant mention her 💔

[54] sport: basketball though im short

[55] vacation: only my lovely house lol

[56] pair of trainers: i have nike and i wanna buy ones of puma

[57] eating: anything simple

[58] drinking: water and natural juices

[59] i’m about to: sleep and mayb i’ll fall asleep at any moment

[60] listening to: i listen to lots of songs but bts r on rewind

[61] waiting for: my life to keep it down

[62] want: to do my best when i start working

[63] get married: if its korean then yes 

[64] career: dentist

YOUR TYPE…

[65] hugs or kisses: hungs only if he’s nice smell

[66] lips or eyes: eyes

[67] shorter or taller: taller

[68] older or younger: older

[69] romantic or spontaneous: some1 who knows when to be this or that

[70] nice arms or nice stomach: nice stomach plz

[71] sensitive or loud: also knows when tobe both

[72] hook up or relationship: relationship

[73] troublemaker or hesitant: trouble maker

HAVE YOU EVER…

[74] kissed a stranger?: nope

[75] drank hard liquor?: nope

[76] lost glasses/contact lenses?: i dont wear them

[77] turned someone down: yeah ..

[78] sex on first date?: noooo

[79] broken someone’s heart?: many …

[80] had your own heart broken?: yeah once

[81] been arrested?: nooo

[82] cried when someone died?: always

[83] fallen for a friend: no cuz i draw a line between us

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

[84] yourself?: yes

[85] miracles?: there r miracles only bcuz there r ppl who work hard to make them

[86] love at first sight?: never

[87] santa claus?: nooo

[88] kiss on the first date?: no i cant

[89] angels?: yesss

[90] current best friend’s name: zena

[91] eye colour: hazel

[92] favourite movies: harry potter , king arthur , and animations

since i have to tag like 25 ppl i dont even know how fins this number of ppl so i’ll tag whom i remember from posts or talks And sure u dont have to do it if u dont like to ❤ @beeyeah @bananacookies1 @kookminworld0507 @staycute1234 @keyonna901 @jeonslilmonster @muchbetterbts @minkookbusan @kookmint @blt-prf @flywithourarmywings @nini17

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: alright? Carly: yea Ali: you want any water, pain killers? Carly: k to both Ali: can have my headphones too if you can deal with my music taste Carly: you could sing to me tho Ali: i've got the pipes, yeah but not sure anyone else wants me belting over the racket Carly: idc about them Ali: yeah Ali: one of us gotta get home with a spotless record, tho Carly: You can't get in trouble for being loud Carly: Leesha knows that Ali: she just leads a charmed life 🍀 Carly: or 🔮 Ali: Didn't need no crystal ball to see through your plans, soz babe Carly: who does Ali: got further than you had any right Ali: poor woodfield on bog watch 'til dubo now Carly: ha Carly: gave her something to do Carly: but nobodys trying it again like Ali: reckon you're right Ali: no one got that kinda deathwish Carly: trying to kill me w a stare tho Carly: she loves it Ali: hmm Ali: less sure on that Carly: i am Carly: try it tho bitch Carly: feel 🕱 Ali: got until we get back Ali: that's when the real shit begins Ali: what're you gonna do carls Carly: idk idc Carly: theyre gonna do what they want Carly: & not like my ma & da will throw a fit Ali: sure? Ali: shame Ali: hoping your Da would move Drew on Carly: im not 12 now babe Carly: & he isn't a beautiful romany lad Carly: my ma will like the look of him i kno Ali: you're 14 Ali: still got a few more years of compulsorary giving a shit about you left Carly: yea Carly: but its no big Ali: you could get expelled Carly: nah Carly: didnt go anything cuz leesha had to speak up about it Ali: you blame her Carly: nah but its facts Carly: nothing happened Ali: I don't think that's how they see it Carly: k but Carly: idc Carly: forget it Ali: k but HOW Carly: what? Carly: dont worry about it babe k Carly: im not trying to Ali: I know you're trying to avoid a freakout but Ali: fucking hell Ali: why Carly: why what? Carly: whats your problem? Ali: only the same as yours Ali: not enjoying the chaos around us or the chaos waiting at home Carly: nah Carly: but worry about your sister Carly: this is nothing Ali: no it isn't Carly: just chatter Carly: weve heard it all before Ali: you're a we now yeah Carly: ha Carly: everyone on this coach has heard it & said it is what i mean Carly: dont be jealous babe Ali: Why would I be jealous? Carly: im only playing Carly: i kno youre not Ali: Whatever Carly: dont be mad at me Carly: be fun Ali: not feeling it Carly: baby come on Carly: why tho Ali: you actually need to ask? Carly: yea Carly: i havent done anything wrong Ali: it ain't about right or wrong Ali: it's still a mess and i'm over it Ali: that's all Carly: k Carly: but ive been a mess since we met & you cba about that before Ali: i didn't say you Ali: the situation Carly: theres no situation Carly: only sex that didnt even happen Ali: forget about it Carly: nah Carly: say what you wanna say Ali: okay, the fact he's fucking ruined this entire trip Ali: Ro had to go home Ali: and Laoise is taking the opportunity to cyberbully her about it as if she's not already fucked up enough from it Ali: and he's not even a little bit sorry that he just wasted the last 3 months of her life with his bullshit Carly: None of that's my bad Carly: be mad at him not me Ali: I am Ali: but I'm mad at you for not giving enough of a shit to not get dragged down in his crap either Carly: hes not dragging me anywhere but the bathroom Ali: bullshit Carly: nah Carly: youre making it something else Carly: its not Ali: the whole bus is slagging on you Ali: half of them wanna fight you Ali: and that's cos of this Ali: its not debateable its facts Carly: and what Carly: when dont they Ali: there was no need Carly: yea there was Ali: no worthwhile one then whatever Carly: worthwhile to me Ali: i really hope so Carly: wouldve been like Ali: i don't need to hear Carly: k Carly: be like that Ali: yeah i will Carly: why do you wanna fight w me? Ali: i don't Ali: you got your priorities i got mine Carly: but youre a priority you kno Ali: its alright Ali: let's leave this drama behind Carly: how tho Carly: youre still gonna be mad Ali: yeah but that is what it is Ali: nothing's going to change Ali: we'll both deal Carly: but Ali: idk Ali: idk what we do, if you think of something lemme know Carly: im sorry Ali: me too Carly: tell me what to do Carly: i wanna make you feel better Ali: I dunno, Carls Ali: its all already done Ali: not just you, all of us Carly: lets do something else Carly: go somewhere else Carly: whatever you want Ali: Oh, that reminds me Ali: Tommy's back, he asked if you wanna go out Carly: is it k w you if i come? Ali: yeah Carly: nah its weird Ali: no it isn't Ali: i don't wanna not see you Ali: fuck that Ali: its just this trip and him Carly: i only did it cuz he said hed hook me up when we got back Carly: i dont want him Ali: its alright Ali: you don't have to explain to me Carly: its not Carly: alright isnt how we feel you kno Ali: as far as this trip goes Ali: i'll take it, babe Carly: i shouldnt have come on it Ali: nah, don't say that Ali: apart from this shit Ali: it was good, right? Carly: but this shit happened cuz im not good Carly: my heads wrecked Ali: no Ali: it didn't Ali: yeah, you went there too but so did Laoise and it coulda been any girl Carly: she didnt fuck him for a hit tho Carly: why i gotta do that Ali: that hit of revenge Ali: worse reason, to be honest Carly: yea Carly: she is the worst we kno Ali: you're not bad Carly: im not an angel like you babe Ali: yeah you is Ali: can't fool me Carly: you cant stop being nice to me Ali: and what bitch Carly: youre meant to be mad Ali: i'm sick of it Ali: its not getting us anywhere so Carly: where you wanna get to baby Ali: better Carly: we'll start tonight Carly: out w your brother Ali: yeah Ali: fucking ray of ☀ that he is Carly: ha Carly: maybe ill find a nice girl at the club tho Carly: then youll be happy Ali: i don't wanna be that bitch about it Ali: just drew, babe, c'mon 😝 Ali: please tell me i ain't that bitch Carly: ha Carly: hes no worse than ronan tho Carly: to your sister k but not to me Ali: yeah and thinking 'bout how hard Ronan sucks made you cry the other day so Ali: 👀 Carly: dont Carly: he took your vs its so sad Carly: i wouldnt let goldie take mine nah Ali: I dunno what the fuck I was thinking Carly: youre too good Carly: you think everyone is Carly: 👼 Ali: nah Ali: I mean, he ain't the 😈 but he was bad enough for my purposes Ali: my stupid ass 🙄 Carly: nah you're too smart Carly: you knew what you were doing like Carly: been there had that fight w my ma Ali: the flashbacks not needed Ali: still got that 📢 in my ear Ali: though, probably gonna lay off a bit now Drew's showed Caleb up for the good boy he is Ali: awks Carly: its my turn Carly: thanks for turning up ma & da turn into his drama Carly: then turn away cuz nothing to see Ali: yours back home rn? Carly: nah but im sure theyll get the summons if the teachers kick off loud enough Ali: shit Ali: they gonna kill ya? Carly: theyll only be mad if their hol gets cut short but like they can go again when the teachers have had a word Carly: dont need a babysitter Ali: yeah, soz we can't come back we got free drinks here 'til next week so Carly: you kno Carly: gotta draw straws for which one shows up & who gets to keep the party going Ali: 1000 on ur dad showing up then Carly: yea Carly: plot twist my nan rocks up like it hasnt been years Carly: carly who bitch Ali: bitch same Ali: missing nan gang Ali: conspiracy, like Carly: i kno where she is but she not trying to kno us Carly: family fights like Carly: boring Ali: gurl, so much in common Ali: let tommo regale you with the fuckery Ali: other peeps drama always be more fun Ali: WELL Carly: hes such a gossipy bitch Carly: ill tell him about all this so he can have fun w Ali: beat u to the reveal honey but Ali: always more scandal I probably saved him from Carly: you been chatting about me Carly: aw Ali: yeah Ali: keep my slagging on the downlow Ali: wise up lads Carly: its k cuz youre creative Carly: its all slut, slag and whore w them Ali: truly Ali: switch it up Carly: drew did skank and he was wasted so its not hard Ali: 🤢 Ali: anything drew is capable of is basal Carly: wtf does that mean tho Carly: he calls me a bitch a lot like boy thats mine and my girl's thing k bye Ali: he talks a lotta shit for such a lil bitch boy himself Ali: yeah, back off Ali: ur not part of the gang Carly: he wants to be on you so bad that id feel bad but cant cuz yea hes a prick Ali: i can't Ali: why bitch Ali: like, i'm nice the rest of the time but like, no nicer to him than any other acquaintance Ali: and rn its clear i lowkey hate Carly: cos youre you Carly: who wouldnt want that Ali: 😽 Ali: always out here hyping me up boo Carly: yea i love you Ali: i love you too bitch Carly: serious tho Carly: im sorry Carly: i hate it when youre mad at me Ali: i swear i was never mad at you Ali: who could be mad at that lil face Ali: right teachers? 🤞 Carly: ha Carly: well they saw me making a seduction face like Carly: my bad Ali: don't act like you didn't love that too lads Carly: you kno Carly: youve seen it its good Ali: willing to write that review Carly: aww Carly: so sweet Carly: id give you top marks too baby Ali: you better 😒 Ali: don't be lying to me or yourself baby 😏 Carly: ha Carly: nah youre the best Carly: no lie Ali: 😳 Carly: so cute Ali: just trying make me have a huge head to drag my cute down Carly: nah you earned those props from me Carly: put a lot of work in Ali: no slacker 💪 Carly: facts Carly: lot of fun Ali: funsized Ali: that's my secret Carly: aw Carly: but were the same size tho Ali: exactly Ali: team pocket rocket Ali: get out giant boys Carly: your boy gotta stay cuz hes not i see you bitch Ali: 😎 Ali: you said yourself, i'm too smart Carly: 🖕 Ali: how tall is my brother Ali: forgot Ali: kick him out of his own partay how rude Carly: shit Carly: sorry boy Ali: can walk on his knees if he wanna hang Carly: or hands Carly: wtf would that make a difference nah Ali: nah babe Ali: that perfect form Ali: twat 😒😂 Carly: im too sober to have thoughts Carly: no scholarship to a fancy school for me Ali: don't be fooled, he only there 'cos he can twerk good 💅 Ali: #bitchmetoothefuck Carly: fuck why you worried about me getting expelled from here if thats what it takes to go there Carly: i got this Ali: you just gon leave me like that Ali: 😞 ok Carly: nah Carly: come w me baby Ali: running away to london Ali: heard worse plans Carly: you kno Carly: be fun Carly: we always have a good time running off together Ali: no lie Ali: maybe we can crash when he goes back early to get settled 'cos he's dramatic like that Ali: lots of fit boys, can't all be gay Carly: are they allowed to fuck Carly: or is it like footballers and shit Ali: Ooh Ali: we'll have to ask Ali: good pickup line, babe Carly: i'll ask your brother if hes getting any Ali: he'll die of embarrassment 💀 Carly: aw Carly: is he a virgin serious Ali: I think so Ali: he won't say obvs, withholding that ☕ so shady Carly: i'll ask Carly: find him a cutie to do the honors Ali: 🙈 Ali: he was feeling sorry for you but he gon' wanna square up now too Carly: yea? Carly: i need the practice if i gotta fight leesha again Ali: 😒 she better stay tf away if she knows what's good Ali: still, he used to being target practice Ali: he quick tho Carly: teach me those ballerina girl moves Carly: never went as a kid Ali: aww baby Ali: i did for the hottest of secs but Carly: bet your ma has pics im hitting her up Ali: yeah, she loves pissing herself @ me, the cow Ali: you can join now, or yoga with me, your fave 😉 Carly: nah Carly: got enough teachers on my case Carly: & bitchy girls Ali: 😱 Ali: i ain't that bad, rude Carly: never you my baby Carly: youre the only one who isnt Ali: bus full of bitches Ali: sounds like a song marlene would write Carly: pitch it to her Carly: or find her in the club Ali: maybe Ali: idk if she's got a girl rn Ali: we shall see Carly: me & her Carly: weird Carly: i'll ask her if shes feeling it Ali: oh lord Ali: can't play with her like a boy tho Ali: wifey'd up before you know it Carly: nah she scares me Carly: im a good wife tho Ali: you is Ali: but you wanna be? Carly: what? Ali: you don't wanna be no wifey Carly: not hers Ali: as long as not his either then we good Carly: ha Ali: 👀 Carly: what you saying w those beautiful eyes boo Ali: i see u and ur lack of a response is what i'm sayin Ali: honeyyyy Carly: dont Carly: i said about him before thats it Ali: i'm just playing Carly: dont Carly: he thinks it too Carly: such a prick Ali: i'm soz baby Ali: he thinks everyone loves him as much as he does Carly: yea Carly: i need to find a new dealer Ali: honey, in this town? done is done Ali: find one tonight Carly: so smart

[chikotos]

speaking of That my mom is finally recognizing that when I say “i dont feel good” it doesnt mean i have a cold or sth its that Uh, im probably experiencing suicidal thoughts and cant express it well (or at least smth along those lines) and my house has been dirty cuz i havent cleaned in a while or i cant keep it clean and she n my sister cleaned an area and i repeatedly told her not to bc shes always using my sister to do things im not adequate enough to do on time and its rlly not fair to her even if she doesnt realize it cuz like shes only 12 & we dont ever even talk so she shouldnt have to take care of someone 5 years older than her.. and i was gonna clean but I basically slept all day so i could just clean alone at night when I feel safe to walk around the house . i wasnt even tired idk why i slept but now im eerily awake and maybe will be umless i force myself to sleep

its so lonely here and thats only hit me like this year cuz all the time before I would go through periods of hanging out after school maybe.. twice a year? and only hanging out with one person whod have many friends but theyd b my only friend which is a problem i tend to have. but it jst got to the point where im realizing, i think cuz i was in my schools drama program n exposed to lots of friendships, that im jst like ,really fucking lonely. Which is unfortunate because ive always been such an internal person at home and have been able to work creatively but thats all like leaving me? art doesnt make me happy anymore because i dislike my art so much and havent had a platform to share it in so long and i guess I thrive on other ppls opinions of it? and I definitely cant write anymore. I havent been able to zone in on an interest in MONTHS and thats left me creatively drained, a lot. 

I think im starting to rlly, RLLY redirect my complete attention from interests to ppl (which always ends well am i right lads) and it isnt fair to ppl who like, have others and need space and time etc or Uh, dont even know me. but its like a switch like , I can either be creative or i can feel loved and Boy Howdy, do i need both,

its just weird cuz im the only one in my family thats emoitonal like this and I think thats why i feel so isolated. like im not exxagerating when I say my dad has 0 friends tht arent family. my mom has work friends she will hang out with maybe 4 times a year not for work, but shes always complaining abt social situations which I can understand. maybe my siblings r like that too but my sisters young n focuses on minecraft n stuff n hangs out w friends more than me n we barely know each other so its not like id know, maybe my half brother is but whens the last time hes wanted to talk to me right. like i cry all the time and all it does is make my dad angry at memfor being incompetent and make my mom think its her fault and my sister confused and jst takes up everyones time

and its jst all v strange. like i was kinda raised 2 not have friends, inadvertantly i guess. i can remember my mom trying to make me feel better about something along the lines of u can b okay w/out friends if u have family but she jst told me friends dont matter and im never gonna talk to ppl i meet at my age as an adult, so it stuck w/ me and i started to make moral judgements on ppl on small things we could talk out like say, they use homophobic language sometimes but im sure theyd respect me enough to stop, but id make those judgements before we could befriend each other n take a chance, kinda to protect myself from attachments? but later in life ive found ppl who dont do stuff like that, and thats when i focus in on them im an unfair way to them and they r the only person/group of ppl in my life, etc etc and idk how to stop because im so scared of hanging out w/ most ppl alone i guess? but ill still be here, thinking about like example (namedrop bc he doesnt have me tumblr anyways) my friend jacob tht never hung out w/ me outside of school but i fuccin loved that kid n he just stopped talking to me over the summer n ignored my text i send first day of summer and now we see each other and talk briefly but its like he wont let us be friends anymore and smth like this always happens and its So

and tbh how can i expect it to not happen when i limit myself so much n they will have plenty of other close close friends when i dont? and i think ive gotten better but idk anymore. 

and uh, unrelated. I think my dog ive had for 12 years may have to end up being put down this year. hes got cataracts in both eyes and skin diseases and back problems and teeth problems (hes inbred) and hes losing his hearing too and for the past two weeks hes been peeing everywhere and we can let him out but he cant climb stairs anymore n he has to walk them to get to our yard and im the only one w/ the patience to pick him up (hes only 8 pounds) n put him in the yard bc my parents will jst scream at him n my sister doesnt like dogs and hes got seperation issues w me and whines when he cant be in my room which is the farthest from the door out n stuff. and its like rlly stressful my mom will scream at him in front of my sister n brother n me and the other day she said my dad grabbed him by the neck and threw him out on the concrete cuz he peed inside and hes so tiny that thats just gonna make everyting worse and its notmlike i can stop them bc why would anyone listen to me and hed prob b fine for s few more years if he lived in a patient house with ppl who would take him to the vet but theyre prob gonna put him down early snd its gonna b so weird w/out him

when i showered earlier i took s razor with me w/ the intent to cut my thighs, and i did a little, but i never ever draw blood wnd its strange. why am i given these urges when im so fucking terrified of blood. itll still leave marks n stuff but it makes me feel weak ? n ill bruise myself up instead but its never the same. and im such an advocate for help w self harm but i cant for myself. its like i subconsciously want 2 get caught ? idk. i did throw my razor away though and the others i have r rusty and im not THAT much of a dumbass so i dont have options to self harm anymore unless i get new ones. lifehack

and uh lol, having no schedule n it being summer my eating habits r SHIT. it always hurts to eat p much, its at different times n most of the time i just snck only or i dont eat for hours n see black spots n stuff. and when i dont eat its not a body image thing (im nt rlly happy w my nody but its not sth not eating will help with) its cuz i dknt wanna go upstairs for food where my dad is n the snacks r downstairs so its easier, or cuz i forget or cuz i like, want to punish myself? but im too lazy to self harm. its weird

n since ive stopped id’ing as ace officially my internalized lesbophobia has gotten so much worse . im so repressed and lost ans sad, nothinng rly makes sense? I either fall in love w/ anyone who flirts with me or i focus on someone who ill never fucking talk to or see again and imagine countless scenarios n set myself up to b sad. i seek validation from ppl on it but nothhing comes out right or i just cant say it, because other than when i make myself the butt of gay jokes i just cant sven get the words out of my throat that im gay cuz im jst so ashamed and disgusted with myself. ive been looking at pictures of guys lately cuz ive been trying to force myself to like them. back when i thought i was pan it always felt safer bc i could always just love a cis guy or whatever and everything would b okay for my family ykno. and its such a shameful thing for me bc my irl friends who im out to, most see me as v confident abt it at least a little bc im loud abt it u kno, and make all sorts of jokes, and i jst know so many would b surprised or like sad abt that

i want to stop liking girls so much. like holy shit. i have so many straight girl friends and i hate it when they flirt with me because lik, none r my type so i feel nothing but then i feel like i shiuld then feel like No i shouldnt then feel like i shouldnt even be around them bc im a gross disgusting creepo dyke predator. n they always use the excuse of me having a gf so its fine id never hit on them well like, now im single so i have to be DOUBLE careful not to b affectionate w them as im w all my friends and itsssssssssssssmjshfjhdjfhsjdhjshdjshdjhsjdhsjhdjshdk

and i like, think abt this girl alot n yea its romantic even thomwe never fucking talked n rlly i do that w lots of girls and its making me lose out on friendships bc i wanna b their friends somehow bc i think theyre very cool n stuff but i cant stop hodling on to stupid daydreams n idealizations i get to distract me when im sad n its jst stupid like i know its dumb but guess whos boutta keeeeeeppppp doin it??!!!!! boy!!!

and i try so damn hard to talk feeling out, n talk abt who im attracted to n stuff w ppl, n i try so hard to gush but i cant cuz smth comes outta my mouth and then i cant speak past that and no one ends up rlly knowing how i feel, bc ANY time i talk abt anytingngay related abt me its what happens. and i listen to others talking abt tht stuff and i jsut get so god damn JEALOUS bc idk how to express myself 

all these inadequacies n shit is making it rlly hard to see how,im gonna b on my own n its always been like this. at TWELVE YEARS OLD i came to fhe fucking conclusion that i was just gonna kill myself when i turned 18 so i didnt have to deal with all this and i was OKAY WITH IT and i just went through life knowing that and hiding it and so rarely questioning my inevitable suicide as a childc so instead of dealing with all that n my problems n getting better i let myself get worse cuz uh, fuck it right

idk its all just occured to me how im not a fully functioning human being, in seberal if not all aspects of my life, its weird. now that I actively want to live and realize i uh Kinda have to simce ill b the legal guardian of my brother its all very scary

sorr i was all over the place and all the typos i didnt mean anyof them n im not crytyping like, i cried a bit but i jst hate typing kn thsi shitty tablet keyboard, n dont wanna spellcheck. if u read through comgratulations also please dont message me abt like the self harm junk n my dog n stuff like, whatever ur abt to say. I Know my guy 

time to go uhhhhhhhhhhh daydream about impossible gay shit with guilt in the back of my mind