#i cant distract myself - had trouble falling asleep last night and when i did i slept like shit

[lumenflower]

i need this month to end already, august needs to be wiped off the calendar

[itsjustmyfantasyroom]

Save me

Once again based on a Gone epidose, but we will pretend it’s Nick.

Warnings: None really, just fluffy cause i cant help myself.

WC: 1483

Enjoy x

You had just walked in your door from the gym. You needed something to distract you knowing what was going on, but you were surprised and confused when his name showed up on your screen. He was meant to be on a date. You had overheard him talking to Fin and Sonny about it. You were jealous and sad that he didn’t see you like that, so to try and get through the night you went to two classes at the gym back to back and then did another couple of hours. When his name flashed on the screen you wanted to let it go to voice mail. But of course when it came to Nick your heart took over,

“Nick?”

“Y/N, how are you baby?” Nick slurred over the other end of the phone.

“Ah- are you ok?”

“I need you Y/N. Can you come and get me I can’t drive”

“Where are you?”

“That Mexican place we went to last week”

Your mind was running a 1000 miles an hour when the cab pulled up outside the restaurant you had spent a night at last week with Nick and the rest of the squad. You paid and got out walking in through the door. You looked around the room at all the faces when your eyes found him and you started to walk towards him. A half-eaten meal in front of him and a full meal in front of an empty seat opposite him.  Nick was sitting back in his chair, both arms on the table, a bottle of beer in one hand, looking down with his jaw clenched.

“Nick” you moved the chair out to sit down.

“You were at the gym on a Saturday night?” Nick raised an eyebrow after looking you up and down, his eyes were glassy. He reached in pulling his car keys out of his pocket dropping them on the table in front of you.

“Yeah, we don’t all have dates every weekend” you rolled your eyes back “What happened?”

“She didn’t like my kind of baggage. A middle aged divorced Dad wasn’t her thing” Nick half smiled before he shot back the rest of his beer.

You looked over Nick’s shoulder catching the eye of one of the waiters signalling for the bill. You let Nick get up and he stumbled out of the restaurant and you walked to the curb flagging down a cab, you would come back tomorrow for his car. You both got in, Nick only moving to the middle, you got in sitting right next to him giving the driver your address,

“Guess a pretty lady is taking me home after all”

“Don’t think your luck is going to change that much” you shot back not being able to look into his eyes.

You were hurt and mad. He never saw how you felt for him, going out with women he didn’t even know, who didn’t know him and accept him like you did. You wanted all of him, his past, his baggage, everything and yet it still wasn’t enough. The cab was back at your place in no time, you paid and both got out. Nick was having trouble standing straight. You grabbed his arm throwing it over your shoulders Nick leaning into you.

Once the lift arrived at your level you walked Nick out and lent him against the wall while you opened the door. Then you grabbed his hand and pulled him inside towards your bedroom. You flicked the light on pulling him to the bed. You took off his jacket and he dropped onto his back lying flat on your bed. You took his shoes off and then rushed out grabbing a bottle of water and some pain killers. You were surprised when you came back in and he was still awake staring at the roof,

“Here” you walked to the bedside table sitting the bottle of water and pain killers on it “Get some sleep” you went to walk away.

“It should have been you” Nick mumbled.

“What?” you turned to face him with an eye brow raised.

“I see you. I see everything you do for me. It should have been you on that date with me tonight”  

“Your drunk, you don’t know what you’re on about” you turned on your heels turning off the light and closing the door behind you.  

You got comfortable on your recliner with a spare pillow and a blanket leaning it all the way back so it was like a bed. You tried your hardest to fall asleep but you couldn’t, Nick’s words running through your head. Eventually you gave up trying turning on the TV to see what was on.

It was early hours of the morning, you still nowhere near sleeping, half way through a Sex and City episode when you heard your bedroom door opened and Nick walked out in just his boxers and undershirt. You looked over at him surprised he was even walking around,

“You ok? Do you need something?”

Nick looked down at you, lifting the blanket off you and moving to lay between your legs resting his head on your chest resting an arm around you. You took in a deep breath resting your right hand on his shoulder and your left hand going to run through his hair running along his scalp. The room was silent for a long while, just the soft back ground noise of the TV till Nick spoke,

“Just because I was drunk before doesn’t mean I didn’t know what I was saying. I meant what I said”

“You seemed to have sobered up enough now, so say it again” you shot back.

Nick tilted his head up to look into your eyes,

“I see everything you do for me. It should have been you on that date with me tonight and I’ am sorry it wasn’t”

“Why did you call me and not Carisi or Fin?”

You pushed the chair so that you sat up straight and you moved over so that Nick could move from between your legs to sit next to you and you threw the blanket back over his lap,

“You’re always on my mind Y/N. The whole time she sat across from me I was comparing her to you and she didn’t match up to you and I was stupid to think going on a date would get you out of my head” You looked down and tried to process what had just been said to you, when Nick titled his head to look into your eyes “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure” you nodded.

“Why were you at the gym tonight?”

You took a deep breath sighing,

“I heard you talking about the date with Sonny. I wasn’t going to sit at home thinking about you being on some date and taking her home doing to her what I want you to do to me. So I did a couple of classes and worked out for a bit”

“Did that get me out of your head?”

“No” you scoffed back “Made everything worse, coming home alone and I started to picture you in bed with someone else after buying her dinner”

“A dinner that should have been brought for you” Nick sighed.

“Apparently” you whispered.

“I’ am so sorry Y/N. I don’t know what I was thinking”

“Honestly, me either. But it always the way isn’t it. Never see the one you really should till it’s too late”

“I was an asshole, but it’s never too late. I won’t let it be”

“And if she hadn’t of walked away you wouldn’t be here Nick”

“But she did walk away and I’ am here with you where I wanted to be all along”

“If that is what you really wanted you would have made it happen.”

“Y/N come on, you really going to make it that hard me? I said sorry” You shrugged your shoulders and looked down at your hands. Nick reached for your face, turning it towards him, but you kept your eyes looking down “Look at me Amor”

You very slowly started to look up into his face before you met his eyes. Nick slid his hand from your cheek to your shoulder pulling you towards him. His lips resting on yours kissing you softly at first. He poked his tongue out slightly running it along your bottom lip. You parted your lips and titled your head and the kiss deepened. Nick pulled back so you could both catch your breath, leaning his forehead on yours,

“I’ am sorry Y/N” Nick whispered.

“I forgive you”

Nick pushed the recliner foot rest down, stood up and grabbed your hand pulling you up into him wrapping his arm around your middle leading you to your bedroom,

“Next weekend, dinner, movie and you stay at my place?”

  Tags: @beccabarba​ @thatesqcrush​ @witches-unruly-heart @permanentlydizzy​ @lovebennycolonmiguelgalindo​ @amorestevens​ @alwaysachorusgirl​​ @teamsladsandgents​​

[patchdotexe]

explorers of arvus: heading back / 3.11.21

zoom and enhonse

LAST TIME ON ARVUS taure passed out and we are now down a healer! also we met a disciple of halvkar, and surprisingly did not murder her. this is fine. we have instantly gotten distracted by our various carts. cats. our various cats

DID ANY OF US CATCH TAURE, SHE FELL OVER sieron tried to catch her and smacked charlie+thorne in the face (he rolled a nat1, f) BUT the catboy is to the rescue bc silje is the designated Not Incompetent of the group today

CONSULT THE CHILD hewwo yrel yrel: her mind is being consumed by the serpent of nightmares. :D charlie: HELLO?????//

so, dendar(?) the night serpent is imprisoned beneath arvus! she was formed from the nightmares of the first sentient being, and sometimes she eats people's nightmares. if she's exceptionally hungry, she'll force nightmares onto people for her to feed off their fear. yrel thinks taure will Probably wake up. there's a thing on arvus mentioned by the locals called a "sleeping sickness" where people will fall asleep for a few days, sometimes longer, but will wake up. its magical in cause, the people afflicted by it have horrific nightmares, and its just kinda. a thing. wowza

(i have gone back to spelling yrel's name as yrel bc i think it looks nice)

OH HEY SOMEONE POSTED A THEORY ON ONE OF MY STICKMOLUS ANIMATIONS man i should get back to stickmolus sometime. once dsmp releases its awful grip on me.

i keep getting distracted by seeing myself in the camera preview. i have a tooth gap! what the fuck its cute?? K I KNOW WE'RE SUPER BLURRY IN FRONT RN BUT PLEASE HELP ME STAY FOCUSED I SWEAR -leo

we're gonna build a sled! to put taure on. thorne: i have a good strength score. ....i say, out loud charlie: i am four feet tall. [cue argument between thorne & sieron about them both being horcs but sieron has a +0 bc strength is his dump stat] OH, OKAY, THORNE ROLLED A NAT20 TO CARRY TAURE. NICE

[discussion about what to tell everyone at camp vengenace] thorne: the last thing we need to do is a witch hunt charlie: --and we already hunted the witch! the witch has been hunted.

time to discuss strategy! we need to figure out how to head back to camp vengeance, eg if we want to follow the path we already took or if we wanna do some trailblazing. looks like we're gonna try and take the most direct path! which means we'll prolly risk tangoing with some undead but im willing to risk it TINY HUT STAIRCASE sorry i just remember it now and then

nyx: [meowing at his cats] thorne: uh... why is silje meowing? jorb: silje's food bowl is empty jorb: you look at silje's food bowl and there's a divot in the middle and the food is all on the sides emotionally, we must bully the catboy silje saw something interesting and started meowing

thorne: ill take first watch silje: ill also take first watch. charlie: [quietly] gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy (but, like, extended for 15 seconds)

silje: [takes watch] [rolls a nat1 and gets distracted by looking at his crush]

THORNE HAS LOCATED A DOG the dog does not give a shit about the tiny hut. THE DOG HAS PEED ON THE TINY HUT goodbye dog

EVERYONE IS ROLLING AT LEAST 1 NAT1 thorne: wow! that sure is a dog. thorne has drawn the worst possible dog. thorne has erased the worst possible dog. we dont speak of the worst possible dog its the dog version of honse. DONSE

sieron is now on watch! MAN we are havin trouble rolling today. at least kali's here to make sure sieron doesnt stare at a rock for 50000 years sieron sees a mouse! bottom text

charlie is now on watch! kali is havin a big ol thonk. nothing meaningful has come of this

i am perceiving some deer. sieron is not perceiving some deer. silje is perceiving some deer, but better the deer are fucked up and undead! silje has gone from "we should hunt these deer for food" to "we should hunt these deer for sport"

charlie: i do not feel like being jumped by five thousand skeletons

charlie takes first watch with sieron! WHY ARE OUR ROLLS SO TERRIBLE taure is super cursed right now. that's not very pog charlie: this place sucks. thorne: to be fair, we havent-- charlie: YOU'RE ASLEEP, SHUT UP

oh hey coolname galvanic finally partied. nice.

thorne is at watch! solar: hey, is leomund's tiny hut an orb? there's a critter digging around! AH, THE CRITTER IS UNDEAD. this could be a problem

solar: hey michael, how much does the horrific sin against god dog i drew look like this creature michael: [dice roll noises] about 50%.

michael: if anyone likes, they can make a nature check-- solar: ME MEMEMEMEME ME ME ME

its a bulette! aka a land shark. problem: they are not normally undead. this one is undead.

jorb: imagine if you could tame one of those and use it as a mount. leo: IT WOULD JUST DIG UNDERGROUND AND LEAVE YOU THERE

we are just calling it a weird dog

we're going to mail a letter to the heart of arvus. HEY, CHECK OUT THIS WEIRD DOG,

JORB FOUND ART OF A BABY BULETTE. WEIRD PUPPY!

solar: hey guys, check out this sick art of a bulette i found

silje kept a lookout for the weird dog but its just fucked off. goodbye, weird dog give it up for day 3!

man there's been like, three incinerations today in blaseball. what's up with that. I SWEAR IM MOSTLY PAYING ATTENTION its just been an eventful day in blaseball. also im wearing my garages bomber rn. jaylen is home wooOOOO the wind smells stinky. this is fine.

we're actively avoiding whatever combat michael keeps nudging at us bc we're carrying around an unconscious person and i SWEAR hes gonna throw something directly at us once he's done with our shenanigans

UHH MICHAEL ASKING FOR PASSIVE PERCEPTION LOL

huh. this place used to be inhabited? we're in the woods rn but there's some like, stone ruins? like, VERY ruins. like, not really any structures standing, but enough evidence to show there Were things. WE FOUND A STATUE charlie: i want to smash my face against the lore.

used to be a circle of standing stones, but most of em fell over or got overgrown. inside of the circle has been cleared, although v roughly-- ground's torn up statue is of fjolnir! warrior holding up a spear and shield. AH, THERE ARE CORPSES, a human got REAL fucked up here. one of the corpses is straight up impaled on fjolnir's spear. n ... not pog.

i am trying so, so hard to pay attention. but i also kinda wanna take a nap.

charlie: [stares at statue] [rolls a 4] i wonder if he had a dick.

okay so something rolled in, tore up the overgrowth inside the circle, and murdered a couple dudes. and was also super tall and human-adjacent. hrm.

oh my god why are we rolling so shit today. time to stealth away and hope we dont get casually dismembered

k: jorb's hair is so long... leo: K, PLEASE,

time for a break! i am very tired but im gonan see if i can push through a little further. nyx is petting his cat why do orangatangs look like that

first watch is thorne and sieron! have they even, like, talked thorne unhabby ): thorne's worried we were tresspassing when checking out the statue, meanwhile im thinking about that one time when sieron got bit by a groundhog

(oh my god this is from late 2018)

leomund's tiny hut, aka the anti-sea bear circle we are getting SO much mileage out of the tiny hut. SILJE HUMS A SONG WITH KALI cute........... FINALLY I HAVE ROLLED ABOVE A 14 wait no i rolled a 16 twice. anyway we are not dead

nearly at camp vengenace! boy howdy i hope camp vengeance didnt get burned down. AH FUCK TAURE IS UNCONSCIOUS SO WE CANT CAST FOR DETECT POISON kaepora nearly made us all shit ourselves but its okay he just saw some bison and thought it was cool Michael Is Consulting Several Tables

WHY DOES JORB'S CAMERA ZOOM LIKE THAT why am i hungry. i have so many questions

HEY, TALL GUY [smacks sieron]

camp vengeance looks better! like, nobody's Obviously Sick anymore, the medical tents arent overfilled, we did it! we saved the dayyyyyy time to report to ryder! taure's getting dropped off at the medical tent

man remember when charlie didnt wear pants

oh man, with taure unconscious charlie is now taking point with social interaction. wild. jk im making jorb do it bc im tired HAHA NAT 20 PERSUASION BC OF ME HELPIN SIERON man ryder is such a cock. he was totally ready to keep throwing troops at heaven's brazier to die until we managed to persuade him out of it. jorb: did we tell ryder about the vision? michael: you kinda just took a look at him and went STINKY BOY!

okay yeah anything that dies on arvus will just pop back up as undead. man, arvus sucks.

ryder: alright, dismissed. charlie: seeya, soldier boy! :D hahahahaha im gonna eat his knees.

SILJE NEEDS ENRICHMENT IN HIS ENCLOSURE

charlie: ive decided he sucks. silje: we've already arrived to that, you're late!

LMAO WE WALKED IN ON INGRID AND HER CRUSH they fuckin. nice. you go, you funky lesbian

jorb: we've got the tiny hut, we could go anywhere leo: we could go to SPACE! nyx: we could not go to space. leo: WITH A TINY HUT STAIRCASE, WE CAN,

we are 320 miles away from the spaceship that exists on arvus. nice.

michael: justin sees you-- roll a strength saving throw. leo: i cant wait to die! [rolls a 3] I AM CRUSHED BY MY DOG michael: he rolled a nat20.

BOSS ENCOUNTER: CHARLIE'S DOG (the small circle next to him is one of the medical tents.)

THORNE IS PACT OF THE GUN solar: PARRY THIS, YOU FUCKING CASUAL

sieron, to ingrid: seems like youve been doing well charlie: i punch sieron. sieron: sieron: the camp, of course.

man we have no idea if the heart of arvus is actually related to the prophecy or not. theres a Lot of stuff lining up, but not enough, and its hard to say how much of it couldve been literal?

solar & michael: [discussing exposition] me: [cracking up bc penn sent me a funny dsmp joke]

prophecies are weird.

charlie is just s she is just sitting here SILJE PLAYED CARDS REALLY GOOD AT ME nyx rolled a nat20 and took all my money

oh cool we can talk to yrel telepathically! time to hoist yrel. THIS IS SO SCUFFED thorne mentioned yrel and now we're trying to explain to ingrid that we have a magic talking snake charlie: I WANT TO GO HOME. thorne: we cant go, we have a GOD-KING to kill! "i think theyre insane, theyre talking to a snake" "ingrid, druids exist" "oh. im gonna go back to getting railed by my 7 foot tall girlfriend"

[surrealredmoon]

Gaming AU - Sleepless Night

Soooo.... hey guys! Now that life is starting to chill a little I’ve found myself wanting to write again (yay \o/). Here’s a little something for the Gaming AU that was inspired by some very sleepless nights I’ve had recently. It’s set in the time before everyone met in person and before Weiss and Yang really began to hit things off. Anyway... ENJOY!

Weiss lay on top of her bed, staring at the patterns of moonlight filtering in through the open curtains onto the ceiling. Briefly, she glanced away to look at the clock on her bedside table, 2:45am. She’d been laying there for a good three hours now, her mind once again unable to switch off and let her get the rest she so desperately needed right now.

Sighing to herself, Weiss sat up. Well if her mind wasn’t going to let her rest, she may as well do something semi-productive… well semi-productive to her at least. She was sure her father would be shocked and appalled if he ever realised that his youngest daughter was exactly that type of person that made his business so successful.

Monitors blazed to life as she hit the power button on the PC, bathing the room in blue before the home screen loaded up. It didn’t take long before the all too familiar log in window popped up and the theme music began to play through her headphones. Quickly, Weiss entered her details and began loading in on Myrtenaster.

Once she’d loaded in though, she sat back and stared at the screen. She hadn’t actually considered what she wanted to do to try and pass the time. She opened up the Looking for Group list, scanning through each of the different game modes to see if there were and active groups, even though that wasn’t very likely given the time. She’d finally found a couple of groups looking for one of the high-end adventures and was about to join one when a whisper message popped up in the chat box.

(whisper from) Ember Celia: so… cant sleep again?

Weiss raised her eyebrow. What was Ember doing up at this time? And more importantly, how did she know that this wasn’t the first time she’d logged on when the insomnia made it clear she wasn’t going to get any sleep that night?

(whisper from) Ember Celia: ello?

(whisper from) Ember Celia: I knw u didnt fall asleep at ur desk cuz u jst logged on

Weiss rolled her eyes, even as a small smile tugged at the corner of her lips, and typed a quick reply.

(whisper from) Myrtenaster: You know, it’s getting harder and harder to believe that you’re not stalking me when you say things like that.

She could almost hear the chuckle and teasing tone in Ember’s response.

(whisper from) Ember Celia: well I dnt normally show as online this late

(whisper from) Ember Celia: stops the weirdos messaging me :P

Weiss’ small smile turned into a frown, concern growing in her that perhaps she might not be the only member of their guild who suffered from insomnia.

(whisper from) Myrtenaster: Are you often online this late? Or is this a one-off for you?

It took at little while for the response to come through, so Weiss began to reorganise her inventory while she waited.

(whisper from) Ember Celia: I guess probs more often thn I shld

(whisper from) Ember Celia: bt nt as often as u I bet

(whisper from) Ember Celia: btw Im runnin round doin sum gatherin n events if u wanna join

A party invite popped up on Weiss’ screen a moment later and she accepted. At least this would give her something to do, and it would be nice to just casually chat with someone. Even if that someone had a tendency to infuriate her most of the time. She opened up her map, found the marker indicating the location of her party member and began making her way over.

Ember Celia: so whts got u up so late?

She took a moment to decide whether or not she wanted to open up to her guild mate about what had been causing her so much trouble recently as she cleared out some Grimm that had crossed her path. Eventually, she decided to hold off revealing too much; after all, even though she’d been playing with her current guild mates for almost a year now she’d never dared to reveal anything about herself aside from the fact that she was from Atlas.

Myrtenaster: Oh just stressed about school work and such. All those normal young adult things.

Myrtenaster: What about you?

Myrtenaster: Actually, don’t tell me, I’ll guess. You probably have a report due tomorrow, but instead of focussing on an important assignment you thought it would be far more productive to play instead.

‘Dammit Weiss! This is why they call you the Ice Queen…’ Weiss sighed. ‘Ember hasn’t done anything except offer you some company and express some concern. But noooo… you couldn’t let your stupid walls down for one minute.’

She had just typed her response of “I’m so sorry Ember, that was out of line.” at the same time a response came through.

Ember Celia: Myrtenaster, when was the last time you actually slept? For like a whole night.

Before the irrational part of her brain could take Ember’s comment as an insult the rational side noticed the change in their writing style. The fact that Ember had put the effort in to use correct grammer, something they rarely did… much to Weiss’ distain, seemed to imply genuine care on the other gamer’s part. Weiss found herself in an internal struggle over how to reply; be honest and open up, or revert to her usual behaviour and strengthen her walls. The battle was still waring as the next messages popped up.

Ember Celia: I know it’s not really any of my business but I doubt this is all because of ‘normal young adult things’ and I get the feeling that if it’s as bad as I think it is you probably don’t have anyone to talk to about it.

Ember Celia: So I want you to know, I’m here if you need someone to talk to… because I look out for my friends.

Ember Celia: Even if they are an Ice Queen who can’t take a joke sometimes.

Weiss just stared in shock at the screen as Ember’s character ran off to fight a pack of Grimm that spawned nearby. She still wasn’t sure exactly what to make of the situation she was in; and yet she found herself typing.

Myrtenaster: Thank you Ember. That actually means a lot to me.

Myrtenaster: But I don’t think I’m quite ready to talk about it… yet.

She held her breath, anxiously waiting for a reply.

Ember Celia: No problem. How about we just play instead for now?

Ember Celia: I was thinking about doing some of the low-level dungeons to get some new clothing items.

Ember Celia: takes a lot fo wrk to keep this pretty ass lookin so fiiiiiiine!!!

Weiss snorted at the abrupt return of the crass and unabashed Ember she was used to. Yet she couldn’t deny the small smile once again tugging at her mouth.

Myrtenaster: Of course that’s where all your in-game effort goes. Ohm forbid you should show up to a raid wearing the same outfit as the previous one.

Ember Celia: AH! theres my ice queen!

Weiss’ smile grew.

She didn’t even realise how long they had been playing together until the first few rays of sunlight creeped across the room. Checking the time, Weiss noted she still had a little over an hour before her alarm would go off.

Myrtenaster: Well I should really try to get some sleep before school.

Ember Celia: That would be a good idea…

Ember Celia: And I should probably get started on that report I was avoiding!

Myrtenaster: EMBER!

Ember Celia: Whoa! I’m kidding!

Myrtenaster: You better be.

Ember Celia: Or what? You gunna freeze me Ice Queen?

Weiss narrowed her eyes at the screen, as if she could make the other feel her glare through it.

Ember Celia: I bet you have cold toes

Ember Celia: And I bet you’re the type to try and put those cold toes somewhere warm when you snuggle with someone…

Weiss glared harder, not responding.

Ember Celia: Alright, I might be a bit over tired…

Ember Celia: So I’ll leave that line of teasing for another night…

Ember Celia: I hope you get some rest.

Ember Celia: And don’t forget what I said before. Online or offline, I’m here if you need me.

Her expression relaxed enough for her to type out a reply.

Myrtenaster: Thank you Ember. Aside from that last comment… tonight was surprisingly… fun.

Ember Celia: Yeah, it was.

Myrtenaster: Have a good day Ember.

Ember Celia: Yeah you too. I’ll see you for raid tonight!

The smile was back on her lips as Weiss signed out and shut everything down, climbing into bed and preparing herself to try and fall asleep again.

As she began going through her mental exercises to try and shut off her brain she kept finding herself distracted by thoughts of what had happened and what Ember had said. She had the distinct impression that she would fine Ember online again at the same time tonight. That thought made her feel surprisingly content, even if she would have to deal with Ember’s teasing.

As she felt her eyes close, she curled up to fall asleep, noticing that her feet had come up as if to tuck between someone’s shins. Weiss’ last thought before sleep finally took her was just how annoyed she was going to be at Ember for being right about her cold toes… 

[btsillegal]

Farfalla - Park Jimin

Summary: “I set her free and my farfalla came back to me.”

Word Count: 4,235

Pairing: Park Jimin x Character 

Characters In this Chapter: Kim Taehyung, Anabel Anderson

 I’ve tried and I don’t know how to be without you.

Oh, yeah... Why’s that?

Because you consume me.

Im on my way..xx

The rain fell down the busy streets of Seoul as I continued to lay down in my bed thinking of what would soon become of me. He never managed to leave my mind, my thoughts. The thought of him had a special control over me, it weakened me.

For the past month I have spent thinking of him and how he decided to just end things. It was crazy, I didn't understand him. Everything he said to me that night didn't make sense to me, it was plain confusion to me. He was so determined and sure of what he spoke, at first I simply thought he must have been drunk for him to speak such nonsense. But I was wrong. Never giving me a chance to speak or defend myself from the names he called me was unforgivable. If he really thought that of me, and would even consider myself capable of doing that he was wrong.

He didn't deserve an explanation, nothing from me, so I left just like he wanted. Leaving him with those final thoughts of me, it was worthless of me to show him wrong when he felt so sure of himself. I was done. I was done with him. The past months I spent with him are now forgotten, nothing but worthless memories that are now in the trash.

Flashback

"C'mon just tell me where were going!" I exclaim sitting un-patiently in the car. This was really starting to annoy me especially looking at the fact that he had also placed a blindfold to cover my eyes.

"No! Its a secret."

"Well can I at least take off the blindfold?"

"Anabel, I already told you that you may take it off when we get there." It was worth a try, right?

"Well are we almost there?"

"Yes, almost." he answered me and took hold of my hand, caressing the side with his thumb. That always made me feel so calm, just the feeling of his touch gave me chills and made me feel safe.

"That means I can take off the blind fold!" I cheered taking the blindfold off of my head but it seems to me that it was still not time yet for me to take it off.

"Anabel it wasn't time yet!" he whined.

"It had to come off any time soon anyway." I defended and turned to my side to look out the window. Immediately I knew we were out of the city and out close to the country side as I saw huge fields.

"Well we are here now." Jimin spoke parking the car of to the side and stepping out of the car to open the door for me. I stepped out and took his hand that was stretched out for me to take, I took it and he guided me to where we would be going.

My attention was set on the beautiful sunset that was seen over the city, as its final rays hit that gave us sunlight. Then Jimin motioned my attention towards a tree where a picnic was prepared under its shade. It was lovely.

Not to forget all the candles that were set around and lights hanged on the tree, giving it a romantic look.

"You did all this?"

"Yeah."

His action made me so happy that he would take time out of his day to do this, he was truly incredible and knew how to make a first date unforgettable.

I looked up at him and smiled, he was just truly amazing for doing all this. I couldn't believe he would go trough all that trouble for me, not even thinking it a second time I kissed him wrapping my arms around his neck.

It took him a while to realize what was going on that once he realized it he started to deepen the kiss and wrap his arms around my waist, pulling me in closer to him.

End of flashback

I stood from my bed and walked towards the bathroom, turning on the water from the sink as I watched it fall rapidly. Leaning towards the sink I splashed some water into my face, closing the handle on the sink I took a good luck of my reflection that was on the mirror. I was a complete mess, I couldn't not allow myself to come so low of myself especially for a boy. A tear slowly started to fall down my cheek, quickly I wiped it away and then set both hands resting on the sink as I continued to look at my reflection. Suddenly I felt the urge of more tears threatening to fall, I was not going to let that happen. Turning my back I walked back to my room and headed straight for my closet.

I need to distract myself from all this, pulling out a black lace dress and a pair of black heels from my closet. I quickly set them on my bed and sat on my vanity chair, taking a deep sigh I then started to do my make up and hair. I will not be staying home another night yet alone I will go out and have fun, distract myself from him.

*

The next morning I woke up with a huge headache, my head was killing me. Guess thats what happens when you have to much to drink, whoops. Slowly sitting up from my bed I turned to look at the clock, it read 10:36 am. It was still to early for me to be up especially with a killer headache, I let myself fall back into bed and just stared at the ceiling. Minutes must have passed by that I never came to realize that I had fallen asleep once again.

My sleep didn't seem to last long as just moments later I was awoken when I received a call, It was my father.

Hello

Anabel! Sweetheart, how are you?

Im good dad, what about you?

Im good as well, I have some great news!

What is it dad?

I have negotiated a deal with a fashion company in Seoul and will be flying up there tomorrow morning.

Thats good news dad!

Yes it is, Im finally going to be able to see you.

Yes and I cant wait. Call me as soon as you get to the airport, I want to be the one to pick you up.

Of course

Well who did you manage to make a deal with?

Oh thats a surprise

Please dad tell me! I start to beg

No 

c'mon tell me dad! Its not fair. You have to tell me.

He laughs You are just going to have to wait till tomorrow to find out.

But I cant wait! don't I at least get a hint

Fine, if it will make you happy then fine you get 1 hint.

Yay I cheered

Well I will say that it is your favorite brand of clothing line

What? No it cant it be! Any other company but that one please. How can this be?! No, there has to be an explanation.

Aren't you exited sweetie?

Uh yeah, sure dad.

Of course I wasn't. Not if it meant my dad working with him. This had to be some weird Karma shit! Yes it had to be. Why is it that of all clothing line companies he just happened to now be co working with Kim Inc.

 I have to go and finish my packing. I will see you first thing in the morning, bye now.

Bye Dad.

flashback

The sun rose happily over the city, the sun rays reaching trough my rooms windows signaling it was time for me to wake up. The morning followed my regular morning routine; brush teeth, shower, get dressed and then eat a simple breakfast.

There was not much to do today expect all I knew was that my favorite clothing line was having a sale and I had to be there. I was going to get this cute short length black lace dress I have been having my eyes on now for a while. If all goes well today was going to be a good day.

Once I was finally dressed and had eaten my breakfast I headed down where a taxi was waiting for me. I was so exited to be getting this dress, it was a limited edition and I was not going to miss this chance to finally have it. I swear if a crazy bitch tries to get it out of my hands I will rip her head off! In just a few minutes we had arrived at the mall and I quickly rushed out of the taxi forgetting to pay the taxi driver. Rushing back I paid him and then continued my way to the store, this brand was really big here in Seoul as well as all around the world. This clothing line was known as Kim Inc.

And it is my favorite clothing brand.

When I arrived at the store there were already a couple of girls waiting outside the store ready to go in and make a rush to gather the clothing they wanted. I tried making my way to the front but it was no use these girls were animals, pushing me back to my spot in the back. I decided to give up, besides the real fight was not out here but inside the store.

A hour had past by and more girls had gathered right behind me, suddenly a faint voice was heard. I turned to where the commotion was coming from and saw a nervous shy girl making her way to the front of the store. She must be the worker who is going to open up. As soon as she reached the front she tried to get the crowd to calm down and give her some space to open the door,but it wasn't working.

Struggling to open the door she finally did manage to open it and as soon as she did all the girls suddenly rushed trough knocking the poor girl down to her feet. I knew I should too rush in to get myself the dress before they were all out, but I could not leave the poor girl to get stepped on. I extended my hand out for her to reach and she nervously smiled at me and took it.

"Thank you." she said to me and retrieved her hand back scrubbing the dirt off of her skirt. She seemed rather a bit of a shy girl, her hair was put up in a nice but with loose blond strands that framed her nice slim face.

"Those girls sure are crazy right?" I smiled at her, taking a look inside of the store as two girls fought over a pair of heels. She chuckled "You bet! Maybe they are related go Taz." I laughed at her comparison agreeing with her, but hey that would be me too if I hadn't stopped to help her.

"Well you better get in there if you want to get something." she instructed me and I did as she said and ran into the store where my dress awaited me. Once I caught sight of the section the dress was in I quickly smiled in relieve as to see there was still a dress left.

I took hold of the dress and checked the tag to see the dress size and to my luck it was my size, I sigh in relieve and once I was relaxed enough another grip took hold of the dress and started to pull in the opposite direction. Quickly I kept a tight grip on my dress and pulled it back towards my chest.

"Excuse me, I had this first." I tell the person that is on the other side of the rack pulling on my dress trying to get it out of my hands. Though they didn't seem to care they continued to pull on my dress and ignore the fact that I had just spoken.

"Hey! I had this dress first. Back off!" I shouted a bit louder starting to get angry, I am not going to loose this dress. it will go home with me even if it means I have to tackle this person to the ground.

"Why don't you just back down sweatie there no chance of you getting this dress." the person spat at me, still holding onto the dress I walked over to the side they were on to come to face with them. There stood a tall blond girl, she was rather pretty not ugly at all.

"Excuse me, why don't you shut that mouth of yours and get your hands off my dress." I told her raising my voice and pulled the dress more in my direction. The blondie then had a shocked expression all over her face with her mouth sprung open.

"Trust me Im sure we can both agree this dress will look better on me." was her remark back towards me, I was not going to let her talk to me like this. I pushed her off with my right hand as she fell to the ground and let go of her grip on the dress. I smiled and stuck my tongue out at her then turning my back on her and started to walk towards the cash register.

It seemed she too was not going to let this go that she leaped onto me knocking me off my feet falling to the ground with her over my back trying to get the dress off my hands. Turning on my back she fell off of me and I started to get on my feet but she grabbed me by the hair and pulled me back to the ground. Soon enough we were going at each other fighting over the dress that even a crowd had started to form around us.

Well I hope they enjoy the show Im about to put on for them, because this is something I am going to enjoy doing.

A few minutes had past and this stranger and me were still going at it fighting over the dress, though soon enough as we were pulling it back and forth from each other I noticed it had a stain.

Bummer.

Noticing I decided to give up, there was no way I was going to get that stain off so I might as well let her have it.

"Fine you can keep it."

"Thats what I thought, they always give up going up against me." she bragged feeling so powerful and the decision I had just made.

"Whatever." were my final words to her and I walked off to look at another section. Stupid her to have not noticed the stain.

Currently in the shoe aisle I found a cute pair of black heels that I liked and was planning on getting them. Putting them back in the box I stood from my seat and walked over to the cashier, where miss bitch had just finished paying for the dress.

Looking at me with a pitiful look she said these final words to me "Better look next time" letting out a laugh at the end as she took her sassy ass out of the store.

"Ugh what a bitch" I murdered to myself and walked up to the register, it seemed I must have not whispered it soft enough to myself that the girl from earlier overheard me.

"Tell me about it."

"Girls like her get off my dam nervous." I complained setting the heels on the counter.

"I totally agree with you." taking the heels and scanning the box she turned to look at me and asked if this was all I would be buying. I nodded my head in response.

"Im Anabel." I introduced myself with a smile on my face, she smiled back and introduced herself "Im Amanda."

"Nice to meet you."

"Are you sure this is all you are getting I mean we are having a sale?" Amanda asked placing the box of heels in a bag.

"Yes, Im sure. I was planning on getting a dress but they were all out, and the last one that was left I had to fight for it. But unfortunately there was a stain on it so I gave it up." I explained to her.

"Im sorry, I wish there was a way I could make it up to you. It all my fault, you would have gotten your dress if it wasn't for you helping me."

"No its fine, I couldn't just leave those girls to run all over you." I told her and suddenly her face brighten up with joy as her stare looked over towards the entrance.

I turned to look towards the direction she was looking at and spotted a tall handsome man wearing a black suit.

Amanda quickly walked around the counter and towards the man who was walking in her direction, could it be her boyfriend?

As soon as he was in front of us both I caught a better glimpse of him and I could see how perfect his brown eyes reflected in the light. I wanted to run my fingers trough his long  brown hair and feel his soft looking pink lips against mine.

Gosh Anabel! What are you thinking?! You don't even know this man.

"Taehyung." Amanda called him, that must be his name. He frowned "Ms.Collins I have told you to address me as Mr.Kim when at work." he reminded her.

Wait? What?! Did he say Mr.Kim as in Mr.Kim the owner of Kim Inc?! It cant be!

"Yeah whatever. Listen I have a huge favor to ask of you." she grinned, he only gave her a curious look as to why the sudden urge for this favor.

"Depends on what it is."

"This here is Anabel." she began to say stretching her hand out directing his attention to me, I nervously smiled and did an awkward wave.

"She helped me this morning when I opened the store and the girls had knocked me down, anyway it was my fault she was not able to get what she came for. I was hoping maybe you could take her down to the main building and have her pick out anything she likes as a thank you." she finished explaining to him.

"Amanda I-"

"C'mon! Please" she begged "You owe me one and this is how I want you to pay me back."

"Fine."

"Yay." Amanda cheered jumping up and down with happiness. I was unsure of what had just happened so I kept silent and waited to see what would occur next.

"Perfect, now Anebel if you could please go with Mr.Kim he will take you to the main building where you will be able to pick anything of your liking." she instructed me explaining what was going to happen.

Im not so sure I want to go, I mean I just met this girl and she seemed really sweet and all but to make me leave with a stranger. Yeah no thank you.

"Uh.."

"Oh and don't worry about the shoes those are on me. Bye! Now off you go you two!." Amanda took her hands and gave me and Harry a small push towards the doors.

Mr.Kim turned to look at me and spoke with a deep raspy voice "Ladies first." and guided me out the store doors and out to the car.

The car ride with Mr.Kim had been mostly quiet, I was not so sure as to what to say since Amanda had just tossed me onto his care. It was just so sudden, neither one of us was expecting this to happen. None of us had spoken since we had gotten into the car, this was completely awkward for me I was not sure whether I should say something or keep quiet.

I spoke up.

"You don't have to do this you know" I told him a bit shyly afraid as to what he might say.

"Its fine" he answered me, not making any eye contact what so ever.

Soon we had arrived, the driver parked the car in front of a building then stepping out to open the car door for us. As it was my turn to step out of the car I noticed Mr.Kim extend his hand out for me to hold. Our eyes made eye contact which made me nervous just to have his eyes focused on me, unaware of what was going on trough his ind at the moment.

Lost in my thoughts I must have not been paying very much attention that when I stepped out i lost complete balance of my body causing me to fall forward. Trying to catch my fall I grabbed the first thing that came to my reach; Mr.Kim’s hand. Taking a firm hold he then took me from my waist and helped me regain my balance, his touch sending chills across my body.

Once I was standing nice and tall there he was standing there still looking down on me , his eyes staring straight at me. This time I looked back up at him, staring into his beautiful brown eyes trying to find a signal that could help me tell what he was thinking. Though I did not figure it out, he but only cleared his throat and I closed my eyes looking down as to our hands were still in hold.

Quickly I let go of his hand and snapped into reality as to what was going on. What just happened? Did I seriously just almost fall in front the famous Mr.Kim. Ugh only you Anabel would make a fool of yourself.

"Thank you" I said to him.

"You are welcome" he answered me "Next time watch your step" I nodded in agreement. Turning on his feet he started making his way inside the building, I followed quickly behind. The doors opened as soon as we were in reach revealing a very luxurious first floor.

I looked around as I followed Mr.Kim, there was a very nice lobby off to the side and a cafeteria just to the left. Further up ahead was a desk where one was able to ask for information I suppose. The lighting here was very nice, the building seem to have been decorated with much white, grey and black. The walls were of glass I suppose, I was a bit confused seeing as how we were able to look out into the street but once outside. You could not see what was going on inside the building.

Mr. Kim than came to a complete stop and pressed a button on one of the elevators. He stepped in and I followed right after him, the small trip up was rather awkward with the elevator music playing. Once we reached the 7th floor and the doors opened a floor full of clothes was revealed. There were clothes on every corner, shoes, handbags etc it was like a giant closet.

He turned to look at me and spoke "Which dress were you interested in?"

"Um well its a black dress consisting of a body whose top is a silk chiffon corset, black lace and a transparent skirt below." He only nodded and started walking again, confused I quickly started to follow him.

He came to a stop where there was a large rack of black clothes, and started to look trough it.

"Here" he said and placed the black dress in my hands. I smiled at the sight of the dress as I was finally able to get my hands on it.

"Thank you so much."

"Don't mention it, Im only doing this because Amanda asked."

Hmm it seems that maybe Mr.Kim has a crush on Amanda, or wait could they be dating each other? As far as I know he is single.

"How about you try it on?" He suggested, I nodded and smiled at him.

"Um but where do I try it on?"

"Follow me."

He guided me to the back of the room where there were 5 dressing rooms, I walked into the first one that had the curtain opened meaning it was available. Quickly I got undressed and tried on the dress. It was beautiful, I could not believe I finally owned this dress after 4 long months of trying it was finally mine.

"Did it fit well?" Mr.Kim asked from the other side of the curtain.

"Yes" I answered.

"Well lets see it then."

Wait what? Does he really want to see how this dress looks on me? I have to admit I would feel a bit embarrassed if he does not like how his dress looks on me.

"Uh okay." I stepped out of the dressing room and stood nice and tall for him to see me in the dress.

*

End of flashback

AUTHORS NOTE

THIS STORY WAS INSPIRED BY THE FOLLOWING VIDEO

FARFALLA TRAILER

PLEASE GO CHECK OUT HER VIDEOS!

[coffeeandmoonthoughts]

04.05

It feels like it’s so easy for me to fall right off the side of the planet. Which leaves me feeling like I need to death-grip the whole thing just to stay afloat. It’s so easy for me to get distracted. Or my mind to fill with the wants, needs, opinions, the clutter of others’ ideas. I don’t want that. I want to feel crystal clear with myself. I want to listen carefully and hear my own intuition. It’s so effortless to get caught up with literally anything else. That tiny little whim can be so easily drown out behind the clutter of everything else I’m picking up on (a highly controversial subject of something called mirror-neurons and emotional contagion, among other things). And when I can’t hear myself, I become afraid. It’s scary to soak up everyone else, until there is no room for you. At least, it feels that way. It’s hard to recognize the difference between something stemming from roots deep within myself, or from someone else near me. It forces me to defensively cling to myself. Which, after a while, doesn’t always feel good either. I don’t want a death grip on life. Lightly, lightly. Life is too easy for it to feel this hard. Easy and lightly. It seems I can go weeks before I finally find a way to shut out everything and sit in singularity. Shut out… that’s not the right word. “Shut out” hints at closing a door, putting up a wall or tightly boarding up windows. No, it’s more of a clearing out. The sweeping out of some unwanted, unasked-for clutter. Everyone else’s mess. But, I’m not boarded up or sealed shut. I’m clear with myself. I guess that would be the word to use… It sounds so strange to talk about. Feelings. Because it requires a leap of the imagination into the unknown or unknowable. It’s a risk of sounding stupid to someone who cant think more abstract. Something science can see, but not see. I (with all my facts and scientific brain) am still learning to be okay with it. My right brain and left brain wrestling with each other when they should be working in unison, fusing different vantage points into one idea I can actually work with. I think, this is what you call surrendering to life. I can understand it, barely wrap my head around it but see it crystal clear. And instead of fighting it, find a way to work side by side with it. Flow with it. Stay clear with it. Embrace it. Rework it in a way that benefits me, or allow it to rework me in a way that benefits my life. Understanding that there is so much that I do not understand, but by having faith, it will simply be. Eventually, when I’m able to feel clear, I wont feel like I want to jump out of my skin anymore. Yes, sometimes it feels that way. When my neurons are firing so fast that all I want to do is jump out of my brain, my body, that for some reason was built/wired this way, fine-tuned and developed over time. But if I can learn a way to work with it, to bend not break, to have more flex and give, it will make things easier. Less resistance. It’s kind of like a feather in the wind. The feather gets blown around but it’s so light that it doesn’t get ripped apart. It simply floats back safely to the ground, intact. This is the reason skyscrapers are built flexible. Because if they weren’t they would snap. This is why humans, in futile resistance, might subject themselves to more suffering than needed. The trick isn’t in finding a way to land on the ground, the trick is in learning how to maintain your feather spine while bending in the gusts of wind, even embracing them. I’d like to know how to do that. 

In this particular dream I was in a house. Not my house, someone else’s. I was coming over for something, with a number of people, and I was the first to arrive. In the dream I remember I was flustered because one of the rooms wasn’t clean for company. I mean, it was an utter disaster by anyone’s standards. But it wasn’t a main room. Still, I was so annoyed that the person hadn’t prepared for company or cleaned. I started cleaning myself even after the company had arrived. They stayed in a main room and I hoped they wouldn’t come into the other room while I cleaned. It felt like the more I cleaned, the messier it became. I cleaned the floor and for some reason (it’s a dream- it doesn’t have to make sense) the floor was paper thin and started peeling off. It came apart. And under it was broken strips of wood. The strips of wood were splintered and there were massive holes between beams. I tried to fix it as best I could. I even moved something over the hole to cover it but it just got worse, until everything came in swirling around the room. It was like a black hole except I was in it. Debris came in through the hole in the floor and it was utter chaos. Paper and things came flying into the room in a whirlwind and I couldn’t stop it. Eventually I gave up. I got the host and told the host that this was on them. I did what I could. It wasn’t my fault and any unfavorable opinion from the guests (three men sitting at a kitchen table) was on them, not me. I washed my hands clean of it, even though I was a mess and practically furious from frustration. Like I said, its a dream. It doesn’t have to make sense. Usually in dreams, none of it makes sense and its all a bit wonky (our vision is spotting, sometimes actions are just mere flashes or feelings, sometimes the whole dream takes place in a matter of a couple seconds and in order to remember it we need to run through the feeling and flashes immediately after we wake up). But we always remember the feeling. Because despite the facts, however exaggerated or omitted they may be, the feeling is what remains with us - you cant fake it. It sticks around with us even after the fact. That feeling of uncontrollable flying debris. The feeling of trying to damn up a gaping hole. The feeling of being the black hole. Even right now it’s making me want to crawl right out of my own skin. 

Me: Well, seems that during this time Neptune was on top of Mercury. Neptune being the planet influencing our dreams and Mercury being the planet of communication. Makes sense. Everything feeling so water and foggy. This all taking place in Pisces, which is the opposite of Virgo which rules our logic and rational mind. Opposing sign. Which may mean our logical mind isn’t working the way we like and may send us inward to listen to our intuition. Needing us to be able to discern between what is true, rooted in reality and what is coming in through intuition or what is based in fear or old patterns, programming or reverting to the past because it’s what is comfortable. And Venus (planet of love) and mercury will be moving out of Pisces and moving into Aries which is way more direct and fiery and even playful. So, thank god that watery abyss is over now.

Also me: Astrology isn’t real. You’ve had a migraine for two weeks straight. I think thats foggy enough. But good news, girl, you finally broke through your migraine. 

04.09

I was walking down a pathway. A sidewalk of sorts. It was between shops and brick buildings and I was walking with my dog and my sister. The concrete was old and cracked and weirdly poured and shaped. I remember telling her about a way to make caramel cake that I saw someone doing and I tried it myself. Then, I remember the sidewalk slanted rapidly and twisted around a tree. Part of it was broken and you had to let yourself down and then jump over something. I tried it first and was explaining to my sister how to do it. Then we kept walking. But all of a sudden I was on an old street I used to live by. I was walking down the sidewalk by myself. A truck came up behind me, still a distance away, and I turned around to get a look at it. It was an old white ford and it was swerving back and forth. The driver was drunk. He could barely keep his eyes open. I thought to myself, oh no I have to get out of his way. He wrecked his truck into a building and stumbled out with a shot gun and started walking. Oh my god, I thought. This looks really bad. He didn’t look like he was going to shoot someone up though. He looked like someone who was two sheets from the wind and trying to save the shotgun he didn’t want to leave in his truck. He carried it around and stumbled into buildings like a video game character stuck in a glitch. I looked around to see if anyone else was seeing this. No one else was around, except for his equally drunk friend who was walking far ahead of me in the exact same scenario. I quietly panicked, not wanting them to notice me but felt like I had to find someone, to get their attention. Although they weren’t causing a trouble yet, no one in their right mind walks around drunk on the street haphazardly carrying a shotgun. I felt like it had bad news written all over it and then I woke up.

Last night I fell asleep around 8 pm. I didn’t mean to. I was sitting in bed working on my laptop with my dog by my side. A sense of overwhelming drowsiness suddenly swept over me. I just couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore. There was no reason for me to be falling asleep that early, it just sort of came out of nowhere. I actually nodded off a few times before I let my laptop drop to the floor next to me. When I woke up from this dream it was 3:08 am. Despite my sleepy haze I noticed the bedroom door was wide open and the hallway light was glaring at me. That’s weird, I thought. I always keep the door shut when the dog is with me because he roams and gets into trouble. And I always keep the light off because it pours into the room and right into my eyes. I rolled over and went back to sleep until I woke up at 5 am and found my phone floating around in the blankets, no alarm even set. Most of the things in this dream make sense. Earlier that day I saw a large white truck that was driving too slow. I also saw a hack to making a homemade caramel that some woman put on a cake. I guess it hit me in my feels because it carried over into my dreams. The rest of the dream was just little bits and pieces I don’t remember. The thing I don’t understand is the two drunk men toting shotguns and why my door was wide open and the light was on. Most things I can usually link to mental processes, but sometimes they don’t make sense at all.