#i cant believe i manage to remember as much as i did from the post i lost åøælkjhgfds

[idiosinkratico]

i forgor to post this. these are my different couriers. more below. WARNING: theres actually A LOT of text. i went kinda crazy there..

okay so the first one... i cant choose his name, well, i do have his name is just that does it make sense? like the reason he haves that names, does it make sense? How does it make sense that a Hispanic family chose that name since they have reserved what little remains of their culture for years? So it all started clearly with the fact that their ancestors were Hispanic, the war came, they were among the few who managed to enter one of the Vaults. and well, the family wanted to maintain their identities so among themselves from generation to generation they continue speaking Spanish and having some hispanic practices adhered into them. Although over the years, after getting used to the new society, they 'lose' a bit of that. For example, they speak more English now than they did back in 2127. Yes, I made this OC to experience a bit of what other cultures/nationalities would be like in Fallout, whose world focuses more on the United States than anything else.

Well anyway his name is Ismael surname Barrera. Now to actually explain who he is, he's of course, courier six, but he is more of a traveler than anything else. his gender is quite unknown, not even them can explain it, and he doesnt care if he gets confused glances. is whatever for him (have you noticed the lil bit of self insert yet?). oh and also he likes to travel for the sake of learning new places, new people and how the Wasteland works. she also is a Prospector (polite name for scavenger. yes i robbed this phrase from the game). he loveees to collect stuff, which is why he wears the roving trader outfit! also i added other things to make it look like he does collect and reutilize things a lot. like the NCR helmet. he ISN'T from NCR (and actually critizes them a lot), but he keeps the helmet. also yes i made it deliberadly to look weird is a helmet with goggles then he wears glasses, and then again theres another goggles on his neck... why? because he never feels is enough. i mean, while collecting stuff he may have the same things because who knows if the other could be lost or broken. companions say that they look like a whole ahh brahmin pack, and that hey, they exist too. give them some of their stuff, your back doesnt look okay. as in personality, i think i let it clear hes curious. way too curious. so many times he got into combat because they looked at something and wanted to look what it was, then boom it was a big scorpion. also they are definitely idealistic, they believe that well if the world cant change, at least she haves to change, and give people a reason to believe not everything is hopeless (so yeah he has good karma). they also are analyze almost non stop, thats a part of their curiosity. and i mean like he can analyze from how the factions works and how all the options (NCR, Legion, Mr. House, and yes, even Yes Man) will affect the Mojave, lalala but also suddenly analyze hey how do robots do that thingy when a man loves a woman so much? theres way more but i think this should be enough. other stuff includes: loves history and science. collects books from time to time and reads it a lot, which explains where he gets big words. barely remembers his past other than he traveled a lot and why he does so. shes around his early twenties. major skills are: Science, Survival and Guns. Traits: Four Eyes and Hoarder. oh and;

S: 7 P: 3 E: 5 C: 4 I: 8 A: 7 L: 6

> As for the other, this one i just did recently. A compulsive liar. Havent still decided his name, though Oscar sounds good enough. Around his late twenties. Identifies as a man. Worked as a courier because he didnt have anything else better to do. After getting shot, while it wasnt of course pleasurable, he kinda liked it since finally he has something interesting to tell and is actually the truth AND he was shot for actually being important. he twists the story a bit just to make himself look better. also yes when veronica asks him where does he comes from, he unironically and bit dramatically answers "From the grave". cares a bit too much about his appearance. well more like he cares what people think of him. you can imagine the amount of joy he had when he heard in the radio about himself and how people seem to finally see him as someone famous. as for what side he goes for, he chooses Yes Man instantly. You can already see his S.P.E.C.I.A.L. status so i wont bother putting it again. Oh and he also suffers a bit of amnesia from the bullet. He has mostly good karma but since hes also bit of a robber, doesnt have the best reputation, and also, people find out he lies a bit too much. Major skills includes; Barter, Sneak and Lockpick. Traits: Kamikaze and Fast Shot.

> And the last one. Her name is Dhalia. Around her late twenties as well. Tbh that wasnt her design at first. Thats a doodle i did but i liked it so much i chose that drawing as her new design. For her i dont really know what kind of personality she may have. I guess shes the quiet, logical type of person. She values reason before all... or well thats what she says. Also shes very blunt. Doesnt tolerates at all if she sees bitchy behaviour. bit too serious but doesnt mean she doesnt have a sense of humor. She was a mercenary before becoming a courier, why did she choose to be one? to take a break... that sadly didnt last as she was shot in the head. she has more like neutral karma. Like she doesnt really 'care' about whats right or wrong. she mostly looks for herself before anything else. surviving is the first and foremost important step. that doesnt mean she can't help others though, but most of the time when she helps someone is more because she logically assumes that yeah, this is the right thing to do, and doesnt do it out of compassion. at first she was siding with Mr. House just because 'is her job' but she herself realizes that he isnt a very good choice for the Mojave. she may side more with NCR because she thinks they are the ones who may bring more stability to the Mojave, and this also probably because she was born in the NCR (i am not saying shes right) (though i cant still decided for myself what side she may take. well, i am still writting her so i guess it makes sense). Major skills are: Guns, Sneak and Medicine. Traits: Trigger Discipline and Skilled. And;

S: 6 P: 7 E: 7 C: 3 I: 8 A: 9 L: 4

- I have way more OCs (this is how i know the fixation is down bad lmao). Like i have a latinoamerican ghoul that like i want to explore once again about other cultures/nationalities in Fallout, though i guess to make it more 'fit' to themes of the franchise, will be about the American dream, though i dunno if there was such thing like that in Pre-War America, which is why i am kinda leaving him on the dust until i know better about this. Then theres also another ghoul who is an old doctor lady, actually inspired in one my very old OCs and realized that i could just make her a ghoul and thats it. That is more of my love towards old ghouls... we need them more, desperadly. also made her to be from Vault 12 and be one of the ghouls to leave the area around when Set was set (no pun intended) for leader. likes to medically study how ghoul transformation works. also works as a doctor as she has quite the knowledge from Pre-War medicine. i also have a human guy OC thats a mechanist and in him i want to explore about undiagnosed neurodivergence in a world like Fallout.

and and my favorite so far but i cant even know if she fits is a First-Gen supermutant OC thats (again) a mechanist and a crafter! shes Olivia. she makes and fixes supermutants' armor, in fact decorated her own armor hehehe. though of course she doesnt make every armor for supermutants, she came from my question of where the hell do supermutants get their armor? like of course they won't use humans' armor, thats way too tiny. then again they have to get the right resources for an armor thats actually an armor, like whats the matter in putting materials that will be just like dressing with cardboards? but besides that, she also makes other stuff that are like, common day-to-day stuff, but, for supermutants! i mean like, stuff like humans may use and if supermutants may use too, she makes it to be more accesible to supermutants, and she does so because of the feeling of community between eachother, like she cares for them and wants to help. i still feel like she may not fit within supermutants a lot though (i have the need to make OCs as accurate as possible based in the world they are in). but i guess thats whats fun is about. oh and also, i made her because man we need more female supermutants!!! for a bit of backstory, as i said shes a First-Gen supermutant meaning that she comes from The Unity, shes like one of the people that came from one of the Vaults. i still work on what her opinion is about being transformed in a supermutant... if she finds it better or not. anyway. after The Master goes kaboom along The Cathedral and Mariposa Base, she as other supermutants wandered around The Wasteland until finding Broken Hills in where she finds she likes crafting stuff besides armor. She worked as a miner there. Then basically she follows Marcus with the other supermutants until settling in Jacobstown. Also I don't know if this stupid and nonsensical but like remember Tabitha's wig? So uh yeah do you know Olivia also likes scavenging around places to find the resources for her crafts, and also along the way bring resources for her community. what if she finds a wig and some heartshapped and gives it to Tabitha, as a gift yes. im sorry for bringing Canon + Non canon interaction.... she is quite saddened by what happened in Black Mountain. if she could she would have take Neil's place to look out for the place but shes busy with her own stuff. also shes close friend with Lily Bowen hehehe and lets her ramble about her grandkids (again. heh. get it?)

Uh well i think i said enough already. that was all bye bye!

[stackslip]

augh yeah as much as i do love the parts of COS that are very obviously trying to do something competent and genuine, the amestris parts are just so ????

ill be honest, im pretty sure i blocked those scenes out, so remembering that what happened on the amestris side is. yikes

definitely wish the movie was more focused and didnt try to add as much as it did. especially roy -- i dont mind the beginning, hell i think him exiling himself to the north is a good concept, but the fact that he takes back his position (iirc) is just. so are we throwing away the character development and him realizing that he CANT change the military from the inside or what.

in general i honestly wanted to see less of the military cast. they frankly dont have much reason to be there other than the fact people wanted to see them (esp armstrong... just. WHY). im sure there are still ways to work in roy if the creators really wanted him to be there but like. idk! they sure didnt have to do it like that! we couldve spent more time on exploring noah as a character. or let izumi die on screen. sigh

been a while since i rewatched COS but thanks for pointing out all the weird stuff, i'd almost forgotten it and i honestly shouldn't.

(and of course i have to say i love your posts on the series proper. i will never be normal about scar. ever)

the second i saw roy in there i was like why is roy still in the military at all. wasn't his whole arc about realizing that he can't do shit within the military because it is an institution built on atrocities and exploitation? why is he still in it then. why is he talking about serving his country. why's he talking about waiting for ED that makes no fucking SENSE. (why is he alive. someone said they thought roy was supposed to die by the end of 03 but they kept him alive bc he's a fan fave and i wholly believe this frankly). why is the country's military still seemingly intact with a whole surveillance network, when 03 ended on the military being severely crippled and amestris's neighbours getting ready to invade it and bring it to its knees? why are we literally seeing *the fucking weimar republic* in cos only for amestris to not parallel it in any way and instead be the brotherhood-type funland where once you've taken out the mean führer, everything is fine and there's nothing to fix?

and like. this is a short movie right! i know that they were denied a season, maybe even a season and a half to finish off the show and that some elements of cos were meant to be in the og show's ending. and it shows! bc again munich is fucking reasonably competent considering how much is crammed in on hour thirty. and i know that cos's production was also rushed as hell and that as an Anime Movie they were contractually obligated to 1) put as many recurring fan faves in as possible 2) have at least a third of the movie be a big action scene. so like. i can understand the limits. you have no time, you're told you have to put all this shit in, you want to finish off the brothers' story at the very least. but my gd! you're telling me you had an izumi death scene and it doesn't happen??? you could cut roy out ENTIRELY from this. you could not put ARMSTRONG IN LIORE. you could..... i know they had no time at all, i know once again it was 03 being shafted by production committees and time and budget but it's legit insane how the very stupid and seemingly innocuous choice of having armstrong "rebuild" liore comedically completely slapped me out of whatever headspace cos had managed to slip me in before. i was enjoying it a lot until we got to amestris. and this armstrong thing, followed by rose's line here:

it's just. it's almost comedic. i'm almost wondering if the writer is fucking with me here and acknowledging just how stupid it is to put armstrong doing alchemy in liore is. probably not but gd this is bad. this is brotherhood levels of obliviousness to the themes.

anyhow i'm not finishing cos tonight bc i'm too pissed about it lol. it's funny bc for years i was told it was bad but for the opposite reasons that it's actually bad. like folks kept saying the munich parts were bad/stupid/wrong and made no sense when to me they're by far the most thematically coherent and interesting/emotional bits of it. i LOVE the relationship between noah and ed. and like, i know the bar is is in hell when it comes to depicting roma on screen, but i can't help but appreciate the little and big ways both noah and her people get humanized, how they feel like the most real and concrete part of this world ed insists is a dream or hell. but really, genuinely noah is so good, alfons's weird crush on ed is hysterical, the general atmosphere and research around 1923 munich seems genuinely thoughtful (and it also tells me that the writers had been thinking about this long, long before even 03 ended). i genuinely believe that making munich! hugues a nazi sympathizer and a racist is a really inspired and brave choice that makes the audience reflects THEIR hugues and how the amestrian military behaved. so anyhow these parts are good, genuinely. it's sad that that's the first third and then you get thrown into this mess, and there's still a whole stupid nazi battle to come. it's stupid. it's stupid especially bc there's a genuine part of the movie that IS smart and thoughtful. it'd be so much easier if all of it were bad, or if the difference between the writing in each part weren't so obvious. anyhow. i wanna finish cos bc i wanna see wrath's arc end and envy eating hoheinheim and ed/al reunion and more of noah. but also i think i'm gonna be writing off large chunks of it lol.

(also thank you very much, i'm trying to preach 03 to whoever i can whenever i can. appreciate the love)

[nerves-nebula]

Sorry bout this thing but I kinda wanted to tell my thoughts about your stuff. Im kind of hoping this will get drowned in your inbox honestly, since this is just a really long unsolicited rant of mine.

Sometimes when i scroll through your account and I encounter csa, incest and mentions of suicide in your posts I get uncomfortable but then I remember that one phrase that goes something like "Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comforted" and I just feel kinda bad bout myself.

When I was a kid my nannys bf forced me to kiss him in the lips whenever we met. I was 6. It was uncomfortable. I never did tell my nanny about it. My parents are both police people and my mother had long explained the concept of rape and how unconsensual touch is bad and you shouldnt allow that but something prevented me from telling anyone what was happening. I dont know why. I know they would immiedietly jail that guy if they did but somehow it felt like no one would believe me. I never told them until now, then when I was what, 6-8 years old? I cant even remember. Yeah somewhere around that, he molested me when my nanny was few feet away and asleep and for the next 4 years of my life i felt dirty. Desecrated. Stupid. I couldnt even look down at my naked body when i shower back then, but somehow I managed to trudge on living by trying to forget the fact it happened. Its been 8 years since Ive last seen him. Ive told anyone who I knew who doesnt care enough to be friends with me but cared enough to listen about it but my Parents are none the wiser and i plan on keeping it that way.

Also. Im a year away from being legal now. Ive thought about killing myself or just generally not wanting to exist anymore many times since then, cuz lifes equipped with motolov cocktails of "get fucked dumbass" and i somehow managed to get a coupon for at least a million of them.

(I hope that line made you laugh if you read this).

Coming back to the phrase i mentioned earlier, it feels weird whenever i feel something similar to the feeling of being triggered while looking at csa being depicted. By definition, i would be considered a victim, and id of course would be comforted by seeing similar experiences happen to people because relating to something usually induces a positive feeling. I dont. I see your art and it guts me. It guts me and the fact that it does also guts me, because what does that mean? I am supposed to be the comforted? Despite the fact that I was taken advantage of as a child and spent night after might thinking how stupid i was and why I let that happen to me even when I was equiped with the information that makes me less vulnerable than other children? So i do I correspond more with those who are defined as comforted then, was i not disturbed after all? Was i victimizing myself all along? Am I a bad person for thinking i was? No wait, that doesnt make any sense at all. Its all wrong. Why am I so guilty about this? Why am i subjecting myself to this?

And then it repeats.

I still go through your blog because well, i love tmnt, i love your artstyle, i love the way you tell stories, I love how you dont sugar coat csa, incest and other darker topics like body horror, erotism and sadism, i hate how much it haunts me, i love the fact i can relate, i hate how much you hurt them, i love the fact that you dont hold back, i love how you show the ugly sides of healing, i love how you depict how much people can change and struggle. Its comforting to me. Its discomforting to me. I stick hand into the fire knowing I would be burned, then I do.

And i like it. I like it somehow, like taking a nice smoke break when you have mild asthma, but like, better. Its a nice change of pace to feel so conflicted like this, its a nice change of pace to feel anything at all really.

But yeah. Tldr. Sorry for the trauma dump and your art makes me feel complicated. Its neat 👍

lot to reply to here! also, unfortunately for you, i check my inbox obsessively and dont get nearly as many asks as you seem to believe i do.

so firstly, no snappy saying is meant to encompass all of human experience, and you certainly shouldn't judge yourself for not fitting into it. easier said than done, i know, but still. i'm gonna try to address some things here, not gonna touch on all of it, but just know that i appreciate you sitting down to write me this.

(I hope that line made you laugh if you read this).

it made me smile, but i laughed at this, because it's a very sweet look into you writing this. puts into perspective how, even though this is public, it was written TO me. like a letter in victorian times or something. that's sweet, i like that.

and id of course would be comforted by seeing similar experiences happen to people because relating to something usually induces a positive feeling. I dont.

you're making a lot of assumptions here that are kind of wild in that "this thought process was clearly designed by your mind to upset you specifically" sort of way. I mean, would you say this to literally anyone else when they feel uncomfortable or triggered about viewing media that relates to their trauma? There's really no telling what a survivor will feel comforted by and you aren't Doing It Wrong by having a different reaction.

there's a reason i tag it as "csa tw" and that's so people can AVOID it as well as search it up.

how stupid i was and why I let that happen to me even when I was equipped with the information that makes me less vulnerable than other children?

i know you recognize at the end of the thought process that this is not true, but i feel the need to reiterate: there is no such thing as being less vulnerable than other children through your own actions. you can try to equip kids with knowledge that might protect them, but that doesn't make them any less vulnerable.

my dad told me about rape and molestation all the time, but he never accounted for the kinds of scenarios i was actually the most likely to fall victim to, partly because i don't think he actually knew much about childhood sexual abuse, and partly because he was more obsessed with the idea of me being kidnapped and raped/murdered than he was about forms of sexual abuse he'd consider more "mild"

No wait, that doesnt make any sense at all. Its all wrong. Why am I so guilty about this? Why am i subjecting myself to this?

i can't answer that one, unfortunately. personally, i like to feel gutted, it's cathartic to me. might be something like that to you, based on how you go on to describe it, but you might also be doing some kinda self harm.

I stick hand into the fire knowing I would be burned, then I do.

saaaaame. i triggered myself into a breakdown in class once cuz i'd been reading fucked fanfiction before class and i got SAD lol.

Its a nice change of pace to feel so conflicted like this, its a nice change of pace to feel anything at all really.

we are shaking hands over this.

anywho, no need to apologize! i am glad, if nothing else, to provide you with a strange and upsetting experience that is not entirely bad.

I really do adore hearing how my stuff makes people feel. it's like, a solid one third of the reason i do this. i still make stuff that doesn't exist to be shown off but WOW showing shit off and getting a response feels FANTASTIC. like, i'm in your head now!! you have been CHANGED by my ART. it's maybe the best part of being alive.

[stiffyck]

i cant stop thinking about tumble times so i have an AU to share (mostly a rundown of said au, but i sprinkled in some headcanons and stuff) basically tcd but scar and jimmy were a duo for a really long time?? i dont know how it would really collide with Jimmys evo smp lore and all of that, but for now im just gonna say during a portal jump jimmy got transported elsewhere. aka TCD when jimmy arrives hes unprepared, unaware of whats happened and only knowing that hes the only person alive, similar to how scar mustve felt when the apocalypse first happened. so, with how dangerously clumsy he may be at times, he manages to get himself geared up and find some good supplies to start building his own shelter. thats when he meets Scar, and unknowingly Jimmy has been taking his stuff, and Scar only started to realise when he was taking his food. somehow they never crossed paths, but once Scar actually realised it was another kid like him he was overjoyed. someone alive!! someone breathing and talking!! sure he may be a clutz and kinda new to this stuff, but surely scar can teach him!!! of courseee they bond, every night they stay huddled in the same room to stay warm and they share everything they can, they learn more about each other over time, and jimmy learns that scars name isnt actually scar. from jimmys pov it seems a bit odd to be named after a weapon, but from scars pov he thinks it makes him look super cool, jimmy totally thinks hes badass and strong when scars health starts taking a noticeable downgrade jimmy is the first (and only) person to help him, offering him support while walking and even trying to find wheelchair or some sort of mobility aid for him to help him out when they travel far for supplies. in short, they were there for each other since they were the only people around. scar still remembers giving Jimmy his favourite coat when it got chilly outside, he still remembers how jimmy never got used to the sound of zombies, he still remembers how he raved about his life back at home. it gave him hope in some way. maybe they could get out alive by some otherworldly miracle. of course, thats not how it works in this world. on a very risky supply run at night, jimmy and scar found themselves surrounded by zombies near their own base, and the first thing jimmy thinks to do is boost up scar so he can get inside the base. not noting that he wouldnt be able to make it in time before the zombies overwhelmed him. maybe he did know that. maybe not. its not like scar would ever know. scar didnt even get his coat back after that. it stayed on jimmys rotted corpse, and scar refused to shoot him, letting him wander around the base for much longer then he should have. and maybe that zombie was the first one to get to scar when he let the zombies kill him in the last episode. maybbbeeeee... BUT THEN THE LIFE SERIES HAPPENED!!! (i dont have many ideas for that part, still working on ittt.. but this was such a long post so ill cut it off here!! I HOPE U ENJOY!)

OUGHHHH THATS SO GOOD.... I NEED AN EMOTIONAL REUNION WHERE THEYY CRY AND HUG EACH OTHER REALLY TIGHTLY BECAUSE THEY CANT BELIEVE THE OTHER IS ALIVE AND HERE....

MAN.

[terrys-min-catl]

abuse mention warning! if you're bad triggered by abuse mention and cant stand statements abt post victims abuse. then please ignore this post.

you've been warned

little sketch to not just there to exist my river of consious I see that many people perceive the conclusion of the arc as wrong because of Kevin's words about his father. That he wants to be better than his father, but quotes him and forgives him. And I didn't see the conclusion otherwise. lets talk abt this

"Can a victim of abuse say something like that?" Yes. They can and will say. We all see only a way where the victim of abuse becomes a healthy unit of society and doesnt repeat the mistakes of the past But these are rather exceptional cases that we always want to see. Most of the victims become tyrants themselves, without even knowing it. The desire to be better alone and therapy is not enough, the victim of abuse, whether they want to or not, will accept the habits of their abuser, especially if they spend enough time with them. Stockholm syndrome has not spared anyone as much as you whitewash characters whose synonym for their name is "trauma"

Who will a child grow up to be in an abusive family? An abuser. Kevin was brainwashed into total Stockholm syndrome and forgave his father. That's it. As much as I would like to have a different outcome, Kevin will not be a good father. This is a terrible, morally disfigured cruel character from childhood. How can he be a good father? When was the last time we heard about Donovan on a podcast? And about Charles? When Cecil, in the gaps between the news, manages to cram essay on the topic of products, mentioning how much he loves his son, his creativity, behavior, as well as his husband. And most often it's all one episode, which shows how involved he is in the family, how much he appreciates it, then Kevin… It's as if he exists in a vacuum from it. Whether he is so punctual, or idk. Remember the arc with mudstone abyss. How did Kevin feel about Charles' son? He disliked him so much, he couldn't accept his existence, that he began to doubt his relationship with Charles when he put him in front of a choice. It was only after the boy solved the problem with mudstone abyss that he decided to give him a chance to accept. Chance. We can only guess how things went further. But given Kevin's nature, his ways of solving problems, his problems in principle, I don't believe that their family is equivalent to Cecil's family. Naturally, I also want to believe that Charles is teaching him to be a good and accepting parent, that their life is beautiful in its own way, but it sounds too beautiful and unrealistic to me. sorry

The victims of abuse (in any relationship) will never come out healthy, and they will not be healthy anymore. Abuse is cyclical and not many people manage to get out of it, and even then not completely

Do you think that Kevin, who survived the abuse, will just let himself go from the past (but already in the present) and will not try to start from the beginning, but under his own supervision? I think their relationship is going to be kind of weird, but I believe in their existence. I don't think he needs to mention strexcorp every time he says something out of the ordinary. I didn't see any other outcome.

And Kevin himself?. Well, I love Kevin, I'm so happy at every au where he's mentioned. I like to joke about his silly nature, I want to hug him, my comfort character (even after such statements) and etc. But I see this character far beyond that. I see him as a person who has gone through a lot of terrible things and is still going through these terrible things. This is a brainwashed person, a victim of abuse, who is an abuser himself. This is a cruel person who goes to his goal, who sees his path as exceptionally correct and does not consider other outcomes of events. He will grow his little self up to be like himself, as any other person would do if they had a chance

I'm okay with the end of the arc, because I can't imagine a picture where Kevin just lets go of the past, where Kevin abruptly realizes all his mistakes, where Kevin will change his worldview, where Kevin won't want to repeat, but on his own behalf The character of black and gray morality moves forward, seeing only one path in front of him, and that is already trodden before him

In conclusion. I liked the arc, again, I liked the end, again, but I think it's too fast. this arc could be made as long as the arch with the university what it is, even longer. Where were we in a hurry? there was so much potential here, but like hh (pls forgive me for such analogy), we were shown only plot episodes and a very fast crumpled end. The end is fire, the way to this end is so-so let's hope that the authors will no longer mention so directly and unilaterally such conflicting topics as "family abuse"

Maybe my thoughts are not quite right, but everyone have their own pov and thats okay

[enlighten3d]

i know i said id write this post four hours ago but i had to do the merge dragons event. anyway.

WINGS ! how the fuck would they be treated on smps where theres pvp? (this is an au where Everyone has wings. and talons but well get into that Later. this is about the wings sdhkjgl)

(context post btw: here)

they are very much a weak point in combat, id saying. if you fuck someones wings up, they are done for. cant fly away, permanent damage. and theres not many ways to defend them (beyond putting armour on the flesh and bone part of the wing - which would do a lot more than it sounds like!). so i do think that it would be social taboo to go for someones wings in battle.

but even if it is social taboo.. accidents happen, and it works differently on different servers, right? and thats what this post is about ! focusing on smps where theres actual Combat (sorry hermitcrafters and kww collab fans)

first off, my beloved.. the dream smp. honestly! i think people would NOT go for the wings. there may be wars and actually genuinely fucked up stuff, but going for the wings in a fight is taking it too far. accidents have DEFINITELY happened tho, what with the sheer amount of withers and explosions. like phils wings being fucked up! yes i know thats a canon thing but im using it to prove my point here. the EXCEPTION to this 'people not intentionally going for the wings' thing is, well. c!dream. the fucker would INSTANTLY go for the wings whenever he has an opportunity. its a weak point, of course he'd abuse the fuck out of it, like. its impossible to expect anything otherwise.

lifesteal!! this ones fun to me because i think theyd have Concrete Rules on this. like they already do! from off the top of my head, i remember that netherite armour is banned, for example. i think going for the wings would just be... another thing thats banned. and no matter how deep into the Lore that people get, those rules are GEEENERALLYYYYY followed. the wings one for sure is. it may be the dEaDlIeSt SeRvEr, but theyre all there willingly. getting their wings fucked up is not something ANYONE wants. i dont know enough about lifesteal to pinpoint specific times that Accidents wouldve happened but! whatever. this is one rule that they always follow i think. (please dont kill me for this one if you disagree, i havent watched enough lifesteal)

now the life series... naturally, going for the wings is banned. ..but only nominally, really. all bets are off when youre on red, right? i really dont think there could be anything to stop people on red from going for peoples wings in fights. i mean, depending on your interpretation of the life series (as in, does being on red actually make someone Bloodthirsty like most common fanon, or is it just a Thing that lets someone attack others?), this can change, but i like the first one, so with that in mind... yeah nothing would stop people on red from going for the wings. this only gets MORE INTERESTING if you believe life series and hermitcraft to be connected in some way... with the inevitable wing injuries that would come from the life series, if they just... go back to hermitcraft and other servers afrterwards... if those injuries are permanent (which i do believe they are), then... oh that would be Something hehe. keeping this in my back pocket a fic idea, yall are free to yoink it.

and last but not least, bcs i dont actually watch that many smps (esp not with fighting) or whatever... unstable universe. pretty much what i said for lifesteal! like! i dont see any reason why itd be any different. yes unstableverse doesnt have Rules like lifesteal, but... theyre mostly the same people. if they can follow that Rule in lifesteal, combined with the social taboo thing, i think that they wouldnt really go for the wings. thats just a line you dont cross. (..also wemmbu did canonically yoink Most of the elytras on the whole server at one point, and in this context i think it would be funny if he just somehow managed to disable flight for a while, but thats a whole other thing unrelated to wings in combat lmao)

ANYWAY YEAH THATS THAT. I HAVE SOOOO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT HOW WINGS IN COMBAT WOULD ACTUALLY WORK. might write a post about that.

this is all headcanons !! im making shit up, as always !! o7

[trans-leek-cookie]

the thingw the orcs in dunmeshi is sth i skirt around bc like u said it is. not a great modern take on orcs. obv not the worst it could be and kui at least did engage w trying to write a more involved lore on them rather than just having this be the same “orcs are big uncivilized brutes” version 8000000 but that element is still there. and i do think “its not the worst” is hardly what i would want to set my highest expectations to jdhdgksgd

tumblrs being a bitch n not letting me put images in so I'll just paste the text from the other ask

Nodding. ty for the info on the ways halfling racism can be compared to irl examples in “the middle east” like that rly is such a close comparison i wonder if it was at all intentional… AND FR on the whole . wishing we knew what they called themselves bc the “halfling” “half foot” thing i rly cant help but think abt how it feels like irl examples of certain groups being denigrated to category slurs its like. LOL. dunmeshi makinh me feel party to fictional racism and microaggressions against my will...

Idk Abt skirting around bc I think it's smthn we should face head on, but at the same time I'm not in a place where I can really add onto the discussion wrt orcs as a white/East Asian person. IIRC ppl have said tolkiens orcs are black and/or central Asian (Mongolian I believe) coded, which is meaningful cause he's influenced so much of modern fantasy, and thats. Y'know. Not great. Also the orcs in dungeon Meshi are essentially an indigenous group from what I remember so that's also a whole mess. Again, my opinions arent very meaningful when it comes to this, but I feel like it's incredibly disappointing to see an author who's clearly capable of nuanced and interesting commentary on racism in the context of real life and fiction (even if it's not always great it's clear she's thinking about it in some depth) really just. Fall back on tropes. Bc for the other races - human is a wider category than usual, tall men aren't always the Everyman, elves are long lived but that doesn't make them wiser, and halflings are mature, worldly and resourceful, which I feel like does a lot to break free of typical fantasy pigeon holeing. But the orcs are just sorta... The Bad Guy but Not That Bad I guess? Theoretically it's a departure from the "super evil forever no exceptions" idea of the but it's still so far behind what needs to be done to make it less of a lazy, racist trope.

Yeah, again I'm not west Asian or Arab like I said, but between reading stuff ppl online write n talking to my Iraqi friend + rereading dungeon Meshi and really trying to analyze it, it kinda stood out to me. I will say I was a little unconfident posting about it bc it's 3 things (4 if you count the name note) but theyre still really notable at least to me. The hand/foot cutting is I feel the most explicit? Because that's such a fucked up stereotype it just stands out immediately. I don't necessarily know if the half foot/middle east connection was intentional, because I assume Japan/Asia in general has a different relationship with West Asia (since they are the "far east" in comparison, so "Middle East" wouldnt really make sense?), but it could be one of those things that colonialism managed to spread. I'm not very knowledgeable about that, but even if it wasn't intentional I think it's a very interesting parallel in how language can be used to categorize people as "normal/other". So i can't say if its intentional or not, but it's definitely an interesting lens to consider the story thru. Id also say I believe halflings are said to be native to a place that's east from where the story takes place, but not the eastern continent (which is p much easy Asia). I've seen some ppl take this to mean eastern Europe, and I don't think that's wrong, but I think u could also think of it as west Asia? Idk if we ever got much info on it in story, so I might be missing some details. (Honestly I'd personally HC that halflings are generally mixed Eastern European/West Asian- not to conflate the two, but rather Im imaging the majority of them are in a kinda blended culture).

[golbrocklovely]

since i have nothing else to post right now…

here’s the last of colby’s tweets from 2020.

i don’t have proof that these are his tweets, but believe me, they are his.

if it’s bold and italicized, it’s someone’s tweet to him.

if it’s in (), that’s just me commenting lol

added bonus: if they have a * next to them, that means it’s been deleted

~~~~~~~~~~

Oct. 1 - love doing things for myself

Oct. 4 - i’m in so much pain. sos

fan: u ok?

poison oak. everywhere …. everywhere.

Oct. 5 - i like the simple things

Oct. 7 - less is more

Oct. 10 - i wanna make you happy

how am i so busy during the day but still manage to find 2 hours to mindlessly scroll through tik tok? i can’t be the only one

Oct. 14 - i care too much

Oct. 15 - somehow it wasn’t enough

Oct. 18 - fan: I CANT BE THE ONLY ONE WHO ALWAYS WONDERED WHAT COLBY SMELLED LIKE..I WANA KNOW WHAT COLOGNE HE WEARS

mayonnaise

(i hate this man so much lmao)

Oct. 19 - Justin Bieber’s new song made me tear up, that dudes been through so much. no one could even imagine what that’s like.. achieving everything and being in the biggest spotlight at such a young age.

Oct. 20 - @/samgolbach: less than 6 months ago i broke my back. and i decided to take that as a challenge to get healthy again. and today i ran the fastest mile i’ve ever run. so yes, i might be an idiot but i’m a determined idiot 🤘🏼🏃🏼

🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼 that’s an insane accomplishment ! i remember when it was a struggle to stand up out of bed

new day, same cycle

Oct. 21 - my mom is texting me all the young pictures of me and it’s bringing me memories i didn’t know i had

Oct. 25 - panic attacks late at night are the worst

Nov. 1 - @/colbybrockscar: reminder that it’s no nut November!!! @/ColbyBrock doesn’t even have to try. He’s got this shit in the bag. It probs comes out like baby powder if he tries

did my car just roast me ?

Nov. 4 - this is scary

cuties! all 3 of you! (reply to fan in merch with friend and cat)

Nov. 6 - @/GracynCarr: I can’t believe the audacity of a high school tweet to pop up on my timeline lmao.. miss u tho @/ColbyBrock :)

hope you're well xx

Nov. 8 - so much talent thank youu love (reply to fan's art)

fan: Um. So I tweeted this to you before but alot has also changed since then sooo wanted to say thank you 🖤 🖤 @/ColbyBrock

proud of you, and good luck with your dreams darlin 🖤 you can accomplish anything with the right mindset and hard work. i believe in ya

time flies, and i’m so scared of losing my youth. it’s inevitable i know, but damn makes you wanna cherish every moment you got

Nov. 11 - i hate when nothing is wrong but nothing feels right

Nov. 12 - the person who makes you forget about the rest of the world

Nov. 13 - today marks 6 years since we posted our first YT video on the MAIN S&C account .. 🖤 what a wild ride

Nov. 14 - promise you i’m a good waste of time

Nov. 15 - @/katstuartmusic: “sunday is my funday” - colby brock 2020

🥂💁🏻‍♂️💁🏻‍♂️

fan: Colby u get drunk off of one white claw

fight me

other fan: my money is on mags

round house kicks to the face don’t feel too good

(is it bad that i like when colby gets weirdly violent with us sksksks)

Nov. 16 - the Why Dont We dudes are some of the nicest people in LA

*Nov. 17 - @/gabytriana: It’s out! Sam and Colby were so much fun to work with, and despite what Colby said, I did not hate him when we first met! 😆 Both he and Sam are super kind, smart, generous entertainers who know how to tell a good story! I love them both!! Happy Book Birthday, @/samandcolby

hahaha thank youu so much for all the hard work ! so excited it’s finally here

(interestingly enough, colby didn't delete his tweet… gaby did)

Nov. 19 - went to a Pyschic Reader tonight. my mind is blown. im not a skeptic anymore, video coming tomorrow

fan: Get ready for religious people to freak out

the psychic i talked to was religious, i’m not sure how but i think the two concepts can exist at the same time

Nov. 21 - hard to trust

fan: @/ColbyBrock hey, i love u lots

love you 🖤

Nov. 23 - fan: imagine if @/ColbyBrock responded to this

could you imagine

Nov. 24 - fan: lmao okay so my friend put this together when I FINALLY received Colby's reaper merch yesterday and I had to laugh, I am actually stupid. But I thought it was a lil funny so y'all can see it too then xx

hahahha love it. thank you. you’re not a sack of potatoes in my eyes

Nov. 27 - happy b day @/SamGolbach you know this and imma save the sappy shit for your big 25th bday but i wouldn’t be here without you. you’re the most intelligent, deep thinking dude i’ve ever met and i feel pretty damn lucky to be able to call you a business partner AND best friend

Nov. 28 - take it easy

Nov. 30 - should i hop back on tik tok?

Dec. 2 - @/aaron_doh: At least I got a photo shoot out of it 😄

whaaat. dude i wish you a speedy recovery

Dec. 3 - it’s hard to move on

Dec. 5 - a nice escape is all i need

welp. i guess i’m a lightweight

Dec. 9 - miss you

Dec. 14 - all the baggage that comes with me

Dec. 15 - been workin hard for you , announcement tomorrow

fan: omg are you pregaganant

how'd you know

@/samandcolby: announcement tomorrow… 2021 will be the best year of our lives (and probably most difficult)

fan: are we getting married?? is that why?

yes

i hate how having anxiety makes me nauseous. it’s the worst feeling

Dec. 16 - it’s all about living in the moment and making every. second. count.

fan: yeah @/ColbyBrock how much are you charging for tattoos…

free for you

Dec. 18 - big tool pic but i’ve been workin hard

@/mannymua733: we absolutely do not mind

hahahaha

(god damn… this pic is still so good lol)

also cold weather always makes me want a special someone to spend time with. cuddle buddy is neeeeeded

fan: okay but can we just take a second to appreciate how hard colby’s been working in the gym because dayum

thank you sweeeetheart

fan: HELP COLBY IS TRENDING

yoo i love you guys 🥺

Dec. 20 - got tatted last night and i barely remember

how i feel this morning (pic of him floating)

fan: you’ve seen elf on the shelf… but have you seen cole in a hole? (@/ColbyBrock)

i’m mad i laughed at this

Dec. 23 - why’d ya have to change on me

so bittersweet saying goodbye to my childhood home of 18 years… i’ll only be back to kansas to visit and sleep in hotels from now on. strange feeling, but so happy for my mom and dad for taking a chance and moving

it’s like i don’t have a real “home” anymore. since i move so much anyways it’s hard to find a spot to actually call home

fan: i just want to say that colby has helped me through so much this year. i had a tough year as many others did but you’ve seriously have helped me through so much. i love you so so much @/ColbyBrock

awh that’s why i make videos in the first place. for people like you

Dec. 24 - addicted to you

my mom and i are the weirdest duo on the planet when we’re together i swear

fan: Make a video with her for Christmas

my whole family despises being on camera 💔

Dec. 25 - fan: momma brock is the sweetest ever

she’s my favorite woman in the world

Merry Christmas friends ! 🖤

i wish i could have face tats for like one week but it doesn’t really work like that huh

Dec. 26 - everyone’s battling their own demons

Dec. 28 - fan: Colby drinking wine but he's such a lightweight that he's probably drunk, lmao @/ColbyBrock

🤫🤫🤫

fan: the vibes are fucking ethereal i’m guessing @/ColbyBrock

you got it

[ev-n-learning]

2023 year stats!!! Wow its been a year since ive shown u one of these... amazing

anyways not too much to say here i don't think! Although can you believe its been almost a year since i stopped learning ukrainian.... weird

something thats interesting to me is that i've spent more time on czech this past year than ukrainian the year previous... and just on duolingo, somehow?! There's no way I'm 2 months away from finishing the czech tree!!!

I suppose the courses could have been different lengths to start out with, but I do blame the redesign they did... I still don't like it, lol. (Other factors could be: czech has No Cyrillic so i cant read it as well)

As far as the other languages go — I really can't believe it was only this year I finished 50languages?! Year so long... but anyways, after that i will be honest with you: most of my active belarusian studying has been solely anki and (mostly) daily search of the wordle. The other most is People I Follow On Tumblr and tiktok (theres belarusians on there)

Russian is about the same as I've been doing. Slogging through 5,000 words of top 10,000 on memrise still. Probably about 2,500 of the way through. Probably at LEAST 2 more years of slog...

Maybe it doesn't serve much of a purpose, but i'd feel weird having the extra time. Like, no, i'm supposed to be Doing Something at 14:45,,, and, yknow, sometimes i encounter these words in the wild. (Not so much anymore though)

Doing my best to keep up with polygloss for russian, too! It's fun but I never know how to describe the images so a lot of matches get sent into the ether... oops 😅

As for marathi, well................................. nanowrimo happened. Is putting it shortly - actually, I started doing something else in november, and with that, languages, and nano... it was a lot! So I did not do much marathi in november specifically because of that. The rest of the year, well... hmmm. The less said the better?

Well, anyways, it's because of having to spend the same amount of energy almost on czech at the same time, *and* because of the Something Else i've been doing. So - I do want to learn it! Spending time on marathi would be great, actually! I am just Busy. And thus it has been relegated to anki only for the better part of the year if i remember right 😔 someday...

Sidenote, at the rate I'm typing this will be posted after midnight..... well, i wanted to put it out there yesterday night, but i couldn't decide what to say, lol. January 2nd is still New of new years, right??

To be honest, I haven't really thought about any language plans for this year... i know russian and belarusian well enough to read posts & such, and I have the mental fortitude to read books i understand maybe 25% of, but listening and talking I'd say are probably where I need the most improvement. (Writing, well... I'll get back to you once i can learn grammar effectively). With everything as it is now, I'm not sure there's much to be done about that, but maybe I'll figure something out here sooner or later... maybe.

I know I want to finish the czech tree on duolingo, and then I'll pick another language from my duo list and the cycle shall begin anew... and then in 12 years either duo will be dead or i will not wish to learn languages any more (a scary thought). OR i will speedrun every language on my list to the best of my ability and then never touch duo again (no streak, no badges... i think monthly badges are like the Only duo thing that actually works on me because i Need To Collect. ah, fomo...)

As for marathi, if I can manage to pull it out of hibernation alongside all that duolingo nonsense, then by god i'll do it 🫡 if i learned* one language by being exceedingly slow at it I can do it again!!

*referring to russian so perhaps its not accurate to say "learned" still but my point stands

...

Anyways yeah!!! Idk how to end this so з новым годам (late) to u all and good luck & wishes for the new year <3 things may never be perfect but at least i can hope they will be better 👍 🎉🎉🎉

[totentnz]

pinned post time (remake)

used to be drthamen 

sammy, 28 (may 13th), germany, nb biace, they/them

multifandom but currently focused on cyberpunk (clearly)

pinterest

info about the main OCs under the cut

since i cant seem to link tags properly im just gonna list them, im so sorry fellas

cyberpunk 2077

V full name: valerie jeanne evans scene lifepath: streetkid, "netrunner" faceclaim: royal and the serpent other: pinterest board | spotify playlist info: the "small-time klepto punk from the afterlife", "the dirtgirl from heywood who found the guts to walk a few extra blocks from home" this how kerry & johnny describe streetkid v and that is exactly what she is. a troubled past, present and future, constantly pissed off with some bad habits. she's been a merc since she can remember but also had some "normal" odd jobs: repairshop for electronics, waiting tables, customer service and many others. she was the lead singer of rotten, a nu metal/ alt-metal band from night city that was doomed to fail thanks to aforementioned lead singer. she's always had a knack for technology so hacking badges and corpos came naturally to her. most people call her a netrunner, a pet-peeve of hers since it's not what she technically does. that being said, she doesnt shy away from physical altercations either though it usually ends in getting her ass beat. v spent her two years in atlanta with her brother vincent, he had convinced her to get out of nc for awhile in hopes it would help on her healing journey but the city has and always will have an iron grip on her. temperance is her canon ending (for now). while it seems nonsensical at first glance she wasn't going to take johnny's chance at a second life away from him just for her to die within months. besides, she would adapt to life behind the blackwall better than he ever could. v was always going to die young, might as well die for love, right? tags: -> otp; just the two of us - my personal flavour of silverv brainrot -> otp; mary on a cross - v & dagger (more below) -> otp; the ghost of you - v & lou (more below) -> p; a little bit happy - v & vincent -> p; my ordinary life - v & kerry -> p; rise rebel resist - rotten, the band she used to be in -> au: watch the world burn - 2020s AU -> au: generation doom - 2020s AU but more messed up -> au: say yes to heaven - happy AU johnny where gets a body, v lives, they are dating and kerry & v are best friends relations: -> vincent - twin brother also rotten's bass player -> dagger - band's lead guitarist and her ex also obsessed with kerry eurodyne (because im annoying like that) -> lou - dead ex, every day i inch closer to just scratching this ngl -> freddie - drummer of rotten, if v = johnny then freddie = kerry but ten times worse (they actually hate each other) might be kovachek's son idk sometimes i have silly ideas -> krasny - plays second guitar in the band, lowkey the mom of the friend group, will break up the fights between v & freddie, calls v a psychopath regularily Vincent (big WIP so there isnt much) full name: vincent raphael evans other: pinterest board info: same backstory as v, obviously. but unlike her he managed to heal to some extend; the polar opposite of what she is: he is happy, kind and believes that there is good in this world. moved to atlanta at some point to get away from the place and the people who hurt him (parents and v). v introduced him to the love of his life kerry and romance ensues, he even comes back to night city for a while. (i will be real with you the reason i made him initially was to romance kerry) not technically a "v" but i really dont care if you call him that. tags: -> otp; industry baby - did you know kerry and vincent are in love? relations: -> dagger - his bestie for some time, unlucky his sister broke her heart but they are still in contact -> freddie - had a crush on the band's drummer but things were messy enough already so nothing ever happened -> alexa - daughter, vincent & kerry had twins in my sims game so naturally they become somewhat canon. overachiever, became a lawyer -> rico - child (alexa's twin), rebellious nb disaster, gamer, lived in their parents house for a bit too long -> valonia - daughter, spoiled youngest child, named after v, kerry's favourite

dragon age

Athras - dragon age: inquisition full name: athras lavellan origin: dalish elf, mage (ice magic & shapeshifting) other: pinterest board | spotify playlist info: athras never wanted to eventually lead her clan so when the keeper sent her to the conclave she gladly accepted. the chaos that ensued and her becoming inquisitor, thus being responsible for so many more people really put that into perspective. she wears the dirthamen vallaslin but it extends down her arms and back, in hopes that it will help with her messed up spine (scoliosis girls rise) and enhance her magic capabilities. clan lavellan specialised in potion brewing and it's a craft she follows proudly since she has zero affinity for healing magic, which is one of the main tasks for a clans first and keeper. (she might not like leadership, but she still wants to be useful to her clan) her magic manifested as ice but later on she adapted the long lost art of shapeshifting. her preferred form is that of a raven with a wolf coming in a close second. looks lowkey evil with her dark hair, pale skin, SUPER tall stature (2m) and red eyes. she likes it that way since it makes her less approachable. doesn't like most people and hates very few. tags: -> otp; dream collector - i am forever stuck in solavellan hell -> otp; let's get this bread - after inquisiton athras builds a home in the woods and falls in love with a baker in the nearest village, their name is morgan (the shipname was a placeholder) -> otp; running with the wolves - her first big love, a dalish from another clan who happens to be a werewolf, his name is ilvin -> au: nas'taron - athras takes a nap in a temple and wakes up with dirthamen in her bones, they also fuck (can you believe i wrote "what if you fell in love with the person living in your head" before cyberpunk came out because i cant) -> au: the mad inquisitor - in order to find solas and bring him to justice she injects herself with red lyrium (#girlfail) -> au: professor lavellan - modern au duh -> au: all alone in a pack of wolves - after deciding to stop solas at all costs it finally comes to a confrontation but she caves in and saves his life at the cost of her own, she wakes up in his base of operations -> au: dhru'an'adal - ancient elvhen AU (the emerald graves grow around her sleeping body btw) -> au: dinathe'dirthelan - harpy AU i never did anything with and was inspired by my friend who did a similar au (hello reed) relations: -> mareloen - mother, she left clan lavellan not long after athras was born, she would visit when they were in the area -> rasdheas - father, lowkey a vampire, don't ask me how he dresses like that, has a lame leg -> fisara - sister, joins her at haven after the conclave because she was concerned. rogue/ bard, falls in love with josie -> deshanna - keeper of the clan and thus athras' teacher (also her aunt since mareloen is her sister), wears a plague doctor mask all the time, a little weird even for clan lavellan standards -> ilvin - her first big love i mentioned before, sort of becomes warden at some point lol -> morgan - the baker i mentioned before, they leave athras somewhat abruptly, might be my dreadwolf protag who knows -> agrippa - athras finds an abandoned child in the woods near her house post trespasser, turns out he is a mage and obviously in need of tutelage, another candidate for dreadwolf protag

[topgunruinedme]

Daggers Daycare||o.6

Synopsis: Maverick finds himself in a situation he cant explain. The daggers are unavailable, and he finds himself in need of help from his old crew. Of cause this wasn’t the reunion they expected.

“Did you kidnap an orphanage Mav?”

Warning: age regression (they get turned into children), slight whump mostly fluff, slight swearing, homophobia and 5 idiots with no knowledge on kids caring for some.

Word Count: 2.8k

Read on Ao3

Previous chapters: Chapter||o.1, Chapter||o.2, Chapter||o.3, Chapter||o.4, Chapter||o.5.

Note: I'm self beta-ing this chapter.

Secondary Notes: Hello everyone, I'm leaving this important note to notify you all that I will be posting less in the next few month, as I will be returning to school . My weekly posting will now be once a moth, this means that I will only post an update to each book every month (don't worry this does not mean only one update per month but rather one update per book). Thank you for understanding.

Spanish translation: Buccaneer- Pirate.

Javy believes that Jake is a pirate who will rule the sea, this is mainly just a Drabble of children’s imagination.

//

There was a faint pounding in his head as a headache attempted to sneak up on him, Ice scribbled down a number onto the paper as he moved through the display aisle. The trolley squealed as he shifted it to the side, it made a soft thud as it nudged into one of the displays. A light blue cot that had a canopy and a mobile of animals, Ice grimaced. It was way over decorated, it was a place to sleep not a throne. Would the sheer drapes from the canopy strangle the child? Wasn't that dangerous?

“So why are we here again?” Wolf asked, lounging  back against one of the giant teddy's in the bed section. He had somehow managed to find three of them and had collected them and created a bed for himself. 

Ice sighed insufferably, “Wolf” he gritted his teeth, “For the fifth time, were marking them down to be delivered”. He rubbed his face tiredly, why had he been so confident in taking Wolf? Why hasn't he taken Slider? At least then the man would have helped him, Wolf whined far too much. 

He should have remembered that from his wedding when the man had complained that Ice had been leaving them for a hot chick, the man had whined for hours and then cried at his wedding.

The man who had made him promise that night to not stray too far away in marriage life. Too bad he had broken that promise too. If he had known that night that it would have been the last time he saw them for years. The suffering and all the struggles he would go through alone, too afraid to reach out to them. Too ashamed to reach out for help with his failing marriage, he wouldn't have gone. He would have claimed to have cold feet and he would have ran. 

“Why can't we just get them now?” Wolf whined, pulling the arm of the teddy bear over his eyes dramatically. The man had dropped there after he decided Ice had been taking too long to look over the section of Cot’s. 

He had since moved on to toddler beds and mattresses, carefully marking down the names on the chosen items on a small piece of paper and small pencil; that he had snagged from one of the dispensers from the display. 

“Because they wouldn't all fit in your van. We have more stuff to get, oh and we don’t have a place to put them yet”.

Wolf flushed as Ice dragged his hand across his face tiredly rubbing his eyes, “I’m almost done alright? Then we'll move on”.  

The man grumbled slightly before pressing back into the bear and scrolling on his phone muttering about it being the ‘worst shopping trip ever’.

Dear lord, he hoped children were easier to deal with then Wolf. 

//

Maverick looked down tirelessly when someone tugged on his jeans, they were looser at the bottom apparently. He stared down at Natasha, she was holding Bob’s hand who looked half asleep still. 

“Yes Nat?” he looked up to glance around, Wood had disappeared he could hear Slider and Wood arguing in the kitchen. He frowned before glancing back down at her, Bob blinked slowly at him there was an imprint of his glasses on his face from where he had been sleeping on them. 

She frowned at him, “I’m hungary, Bob needs to eat” she said firmly tugging the smaller boy forward, he was tugging the large blanket behind them, it was clutched in his fist as the boy rubbed it against his face with a small whine.

A tactile child then, they would need soft blankets for him. Maverick tried to think if they had any in his house, he doubted it. Mickey had dropped slime on the only one he could think of last week. It had been thrown out an hour later. Apparently slimes really had to get out of stuff.  

Bob grimaced as he pulled the blanket away, his lip trembling, Mavericks eyes widened in panic. Sure he had dealt with Bradley crying but that was nearly two decades ago, he had seen Wood do it with Reuben earlier. But this was Bob. 

If he stuffed up Bob of all people, he would have everyone after him. He didn't want to be the one responsible for accidentally ruining him. The boy was too innocent for this world.  

“Slider” he called out nervously his eyes not leaving Bobs as the boy pulling the blanket closer letting natasha pull it around him to keep him warm but refusing to let it touch his skin, pulling away with a small whine when she attempted to push the fabric against his face in a mimic of what Maverick assumed was a stress prevention. A coping mechanism that had re-emerged due to the sudden situation. 

“Busy pipsqueak” Slider called back as he started to hassle Wood about…Oven temperatures? They were fighting over an oven? Why the hell was no one helping him?

“Hungry kids” he called as he stepped away from them wearily, “They might start snapping at your ankles if you don't make them something soon” he said nervously. 

Natasha seemed to be getting more stressed the more distressed Bob became. Frowning heavily as she attempted to help the tactile child. Bradley had been clingy but he had never been tactile. This wasn't his area of expertise. 

His eyes darted around nervous at the rest of the kids. They would be fine if he left them alone for a minute right? They were old enough to know right from wrongs? Right?

He gave them a slightly concerned glance before carefully stepping around them, giving the toddler a wide breadth. Once he had safely retreated to the other side of the room ignoring Bob's pouty but slightly confused glance. 

He slipped out of the room scrambling to his bedroom, pulling the old basket out of the top of his closet. He dumped it all out on the bed hoping to find a softer blanket. He had dumped all of the things from the house in this box. All the blankets Carol owned. 

His hand paused over the baby blue of Bradley’s baby blanket, his fingers trailing over his name and date of birth with a small smile.

He blinked back the tears and pushed past it, placing it carefully to the side as he looked deeper into the box. He had to have something here. Carole could have owned a blanket store with the amount she owned. He could have sworn there had been another box somewhere. 

He groaned in frustration as he tipped the box fully when his eyes caught an emerald green blanket, he dropped the basket in an attempt to catch it.

The soft fabric settled in his hand, he remembered this. Faintly. It had been a gift to Bradley from Goose, it was when they had been on a 8 month deployment. But Bradley had hated it for the moment he spotted it, resulting in it being buried deep in the basket. He ran his hand over the fabric absently bringing it to his cheek to rub against his skin he closed his eyes and let out a calm breath.

It was soft, perfectly so. Not a single stiff patch to find. Bob would love it, he didn’t bother 

repacking the blankets as he retreated to the main room blanket safely in his hand.

Bob was hiccuping tears sliding down his rosy cheeks as he stomped his foot, Slider was standing in front of the toddler on the edge of a melt down looking panicked. He was staring at Bob wide eyed looking terrified. The man’s head shot up to him when he entered “Where have you been?”

“Getting this” Mav shoved the blanket off and Bob looked at it curiously. His cheeks were flushed red as the tears trailed down them, his eyes were slightly swollen and his classes were fogged up.he breathed in shakily in a half breath that made Mav frown in concern, it sounded wet. It shouldn't be like that. The boy sounded slightly congested. 

He chuckled lightly, kneeling down next to him, “Here you go. That’s better isn’t it?” He smiled as Bob took the blanket in replacement as his abandoned one, pulling it close to his face.

Maverick winced as Bob whipped his face with his dieting it with snot. “Oh no let us-“ he paused at the look Bob gave him, he backed off slightly “No. It’s ok, I’m not going to take it from you” he sighed.

Gently reaching out to take Bob’s glasses, they would need to get them resized, or at least a new pair. He rubbed the lenses with the bottom of his shirt silently tememind himself to get a proper glasses cleaner rag so he didn’t risk damaging the lenses.

He placed the loose but now clean lenses on the boy's face watching him blink and smile slightly at the color of the blanket.

“You like green?”.

Bob nodded slightly pulling Nat closer to rub the blanket on her skin. She sat silently watching, letting him, content as long as he was happy. 

“I like green too,” he said softly with a smile, not noticing that Slider had abandoned him once again to return to the kitchen. He didn’t notice the small smile Wood had as he ducked his head out to look. The two men gave him time to connect with his kids.

They were still the daggers, he reminded himself. They were just smaller now. Younger. More sensitive.

No more war stories, he decided. He didn’t want to be at the end of Goose's unhappy scowl. These kids may not have a Goose but they sure as hell had an Ice. He was far more terrifying. 

Did you notice anything wrong with him? He seemed different. Distant. Woods' concern echoed through his head. 

He worried his lip between his teeth, it had been a while. It had been a while since he had seen Ice in person,the man preferred to talk over messages or call and even then they were short and curt. Recently the man hadn't been answering at all, taking weeks for a simple good morning message. 

Was something going on?

//

Wolf grinned around the pacifier, he wiggled his eyebrows at Ice. “They really do taste like nipples, we should get some of these for home”. 

Ice ran a tried hand down his face “Get that out of your mouth before someone sees you”. He turned his attention back to the row of bottles, would they already be weaned of them? 

His eyes narrowed when Wolf became suspiciously quiet. The man couldn’t shut up a minute ago. “Put it back,” he snapped at the man without turning. 

He heard an annoyed huff of breath and then the tell tale sign of shoving being shoved back into the shelf. Wolf pushed his trolley past pouting as he muttered to himself. 

Ice wearily turned back to the aisle he rolled his eyes at the sight of a box filled with pacifiers shoved onto the shelf hastily. This had to be worse than shopping with a toddler. 

He wasn't sure what he had expected, bringing the man into a shop like this, a place that literally had the word nipple on every box.

It was like asking for a terrible dad joke. He thought he would have been safe due to the man's horribly hidden homosexuality.

Unfortunately that didn't prevent the man from taking every opportunity to make Ice regret bringing him. 

//

Slider yawned as he laid his head on his hand heavily against the kitchen table, keeping one eye on the kids. Maverick had dozed off on the couch half an hour ago, since Rueben, Bradley and Mickey had joined him in some odd puppy pile. The three boys are sleeping around the man. 

Wood shook his head in amusement sharing a small grin with Slider who tiredly gave him a lazy wave, looking close to nodding off himself. They were not young anymore, not as much as they were. 

Wood checked the oven, studying the potato gems carefully before turning off the oven and pulling them out, careful not to burn himself using the tea towels to place the tray on the cutting board on the bench. Slapping Slider’s hand away from the hot food as he shut the oven door. 

He heard yelp and a spluttered cure from behind him and sighed, “It's hot” he said dryly. 

Why did Mav even have potato gems in his freezer to begin with, he was an adult?

He heard small feet run on the ground and gave Slider a meaningful look, the man sighed before walking off to investigate the  sound. Wood placed the hot food into four separate bowls for the kids, some of them could share.

He squinted when he saw Slider walking around with a large grin on his face, dear lord what did he do now?

There was something hanging off of Slider's arm. The man had it flexed out like a monkey bar, was that? No. That couldn't be Bradley. Wasn't he asleep just moments ago? If Slider woke the kid just so hee had someone to play with he was going to murder someone. A 6ft tall someone. 

He had forgotten how energetic Bradley used to be at this age. 

Slider was walking around with a kid hanging off him. Wood squinted was that Bradley? Dear lord, he had forgotten how energetic the kid used to be. 

He rolled his eyes, nothing he could do about it now, he’ll just rat the man out to Ice when he got back. He wondered how they were going, if they were having any better luck then they were here. At least Ice got Wolf, if only he could trade Slider or Mav for Wolf, then he would have someone useful as well as an eye candy to look at. 

Once he was confident the food wasn’t too hot he carefully balanced three bowls in his arms as he started distributing them. Placing a bowl in front of Natasha and Bob who had curled up in his blanket looking somewhat like a burrito and yet had somehow managed to drape some of the blanket over Natasha’s lap. She looked oddly possessive over the corner of the blanket she had been given. He steered clear of it as he dropped a bowl off with Bradley who barely wasted any time rushing over at the promise of food, abandoning Slider who pouted at the loss of play partner. 

He placed a bowl with Reubon who was sitting just in front of the other group of boys playing with the cards that had been left by some trying to spread them as far across the floor as he could. 

He dreaded having to find them all later, he placed the last bowl in front of Jake and Javy, leaving some space between them due to Javys critical gaze. They didn't trust them, he knew that. He didn't want to provoke them. He nodded his head over to Reuben when Mickey frowned.  

Jake was flipping through a book, he wasn't sure where the boy had gotten it from, but Javy seemed content pressing buttons on the remote randomly until it hit the children's channel. The boy stared at it nudging Jake who scrowled before sitting and watching with him passing the book off to Micky who beamed at the boy. 

The two boys happily eat the food in front of them watching the cartoon as Mickey flipped through the book occasionally, waving his hands in Jake's face who leaned back with a troubled look when the boy attempted to get his attention and started babbling at him.

When Jake made no attempt to talk back to him he frowned, and got up to get food from his shared bowl with Reuben before sitting back over with Jake trying to communicate by pushing the book between them pointing at the boat on the page. 

“Bakaner- Bakeneer” Mickey screwed his face up in frustration as he butchered the world.

Slider turned to look at him in confusion, dragging his phone in an attempt to figure out what the boy was saying. 

“Backaner” Mickey huffed jabbing the book beige pointing at Jake. Jake tilted his head silently watching the boy. 

Slider let out a laugh of amusement, “Buccaneer” he attempted to pronounce, apparently well enough that Mickey cheered. 

Vibrating in experiment as he pointed to Jake and the ship “Bukaner! Bankener!”.

Slider shook his head, “No, no bud, he's not a pirate. No Buccaneer”. 

Mickey stared him down determinedly pointing at Jake, “Bukaner!” He said firmly, crossing his arms.

Slider smiled, relenting “Ok Jake is Buccaneer” he huffed. 

Mickey beamed in excitement, “Jake. Bukaner! Bukaner steal! Rich!” he wiggled in excitement. 

Slider's eyes widened. “Wait no-'' he groaned at the annoyed look Wood gave him. “Look” he tried to defend himself “You went much of a help either”.

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Alrightyyyyy, I just watched the 2018 JCS Concert version and its probably my least favorite version of this musical so far and, unless theres another 'official' proshot of it that Im not aware of yet, I have little doubt that this will be my least favorite professional version. Its not bad, theres certainly things to enjoy but theyre mostly smaller details and I dont really think the whole managed to be greater than those smaller parts, yknow?

Something that I enjoyed overall as someone whos watched and analysed three other versions of this musical before watching this one, is that there were a lot of points where I could tell that the people behind this were inspired by previous versions but still trying to put their own spin on it and not directly copy certain ideas, that was fun

The camera work was fine, there were a few shots that felt kinda awkward like one where Pilate or some other character I dont really remember, just stares dead into the camera with such a weird expression, it made me cringe a little, but otherwise I dont have much to say about it. I unfortunately dont have a whole lot to say about the staging or lighting or costumes either when I usually talk a lot about those so Im expecting this post to be on the shorter side just for that lmao. Like with the musical overall, those elements arent bad theyre more just lacking or dont quite come together as a whole. I did really like the set though, that sort of under construction cathedral looks really cool and it fits this more abstract telling of the story. It kinda reminded me of the 2000s version, which was also a lot more abstract than either the 73 or 2012 versions but was bogged down by these weird occasional half-hearted attempts at more modern political commentary, which this 2018 version doesnt have so I think its an improvement in that way. And just to be clear, I dont have an issue with newer versions of JCS trying for more relevant political commentary at all, I think its actually very appropriate, they just didnt do a very good job at it in the 2000s one and it honestly seemed like they were going to have the same issues in this version at the very start but they didnt, so that was good. The direction in the 2000s movie is wayyyyyy better though and I found it more enjoyable overall despite that and despite really disliking the lead actors

Speaking of which, I actually didnt really like most of the performers in this one. Judas started out great, he reminded me a lot of 73!Judas which is high praise from me since thats my favorite version and when I rewatched it I was metaphorically laying on my stomach with my head propped up on my hands kicking my legs back and forth like a middleschooler with a crush whenever he was on screen. Unfortunately I do think he got a bit worse over the course of the show to the point where he was 'just' good, which, hey, thats still not bad at all and pretty enjoyable to watch and listen to but still a bit of a disappointment because I honestly thought he did an amazing job with Heaven On Their Minds and even in Strange Thing, Mystifying (although that song had a bit of a weak start imo) and his part in Everything's Alright so the decline was still pretty noticeable. I did like his body language and the way he characterized Judas though

This Jesus was kind of a funny one because based on his appearance and vibes alone he probably has the most Just Some Guy energy out of all the Jesuses Ive seen which is saying a lot and yknow, I enjoy that. And then he opens his mouth to sing for the first time and its absolutely amazing and Im like WOAHH because his voice instantly makes me Get why people would wanna listen to this guy and follow him and stuff. Like, I think Jesus is a very difficult role because you have to balance coming across as detached from the people around him because hes experiencing stuff they genuinely cant understand with coming across as charismatic enough to make it believable that this cult of personality would form around while not making him come across as too much of a holier-than-thou asshole, and I think casting a pretty unassuming guy with a kind of stiff but fairly unremarkable way of holding himself but whose voice is very powerful wouldve been an excellent way to portray him. Im saying 'would have' because while hes great for his first few lines and has some moments where I think he really shines sprinkled throughout the musical, but overall he just kinda gets worse from song to song imo. Its not even like hes good for the entire first act and then gets weirdly bad in the second one, like the reverse of 2012!Jesus who was pretty weak in the first act but then randomly got really good in the second one, he just gets progressively worse its a real shame. But I still wanna mention those moments where he really shines, spoiler alert theyre mostly when he gets angry; when hes yelling at Judas in Strange Thing, Mystifying, hes pretty good in The Temple, both when hes yelling n shit and when he has that short quiet verse between the two parts and during his parts in Trial Before Pilate. Funnily enough those parts are also all parts I really liked in the 1973 german version and his delivery is very similar to that Jesus but thats just a coincidence lol

I also have a lot of things to say about like, the non-singing parts of his performance but in the interest of not talking about Jesus for too much bc I still have a lot of other stuff to talk about, Im just gonna talk about something I noticed during Simon Zelotes in this. In the other versions Ive watched it was pretty clear that Jesus was uncomfortable during that part and I noticed that he really wasnt in this 2018 one, which I initially found interesting (in a positive way) because I hadnt seen that interpretation before but then I thought about it some more afterwards and I was like, ohhhhhh yeah, theres a reason I havent seen that interpretation before huh. I think him being perfectly comfortable during this scene makes him feel a lot more, idk if this is the right word exactly, thoughtless ? he feels very No Thoughts, Head Empty, is what Im trying to say. And it makes him come across as less complex and kind of undermines a big running theme in this musical which is that no one really understands Jesus because hes mentally ill on a mission from god. Also, Simon Zelotes very much feels like its trying to comment on the hollow nature of praying to a guy whose actual teachings you dont really follow and that really loses its impact when Jesus just like. agrees, basically. On top of that it makes Poor Jerusalem kinda come out of nowhere so that makes for a weird experience

So, since Ive talked about Jesus and Judas individually I also wanted to spare some time to talk about what theyre like together since their relationship is a pretty big focus. I dont have a lot to say about the kiss that I havent already said in my first post about this version, its awkward I hate how the hug thats supposed to happen afterwards comes in weirdly too late, I did not like it. at all. And after I made that initial post I realized that part of the reason it felt so weird and awkward is probably because they have basically no physical contact with each other before (or after) this and like. Theres a lot of physical contact between Mary and Jesus and Mary and Peter and I think there was atleast an attempt from her to reach out to Judas and touch his arm at some point and when you pay attention to the extras theres a lot of touching going on too, especially during the The Last Supper which is yknow, the scene that almost directly procedes the kiss so its like, extra noticeable. And its extra weird because theres a lot more physical contact between Jesus and Judas in other versions and in this one its like they wont even stand too close to each other for some reason.

Anyway, moving on to a character that I usually dont have a lot to say about: Mary. I like her but shes not that complex and while her songs definitely definitely arent bad (bc none of the songs in this show are bad imo) theyre not necessarily songs I would listen to on their own, but again, I like her and I think she usually manages to seem interesting even when the play doesnt really focus on her. So it surprised me that they could make her so bland in this one. Ive thought about this for quite a while now and I still cant quite get a handle on why exactly she comes across like that, but I think its because shes lacking that bit of edge that Mary had in the previous versions Ive watched. Like, in the 1973 movie shes kinda grimy because everyone is kinda grimy (I think 70s movies are just kinda like that) and I remember her voice having a bit of roughness to it and she did come across as a bit cold on my first watch, like, I was obviously expecting her to be a pseudo-love interest for Jesus but thats just because Im aware of certain conventions that dictate that any piece of media needs some kind of romantic subplot, not because she actually came across as romantically interested in him. Then in the 2000s version she was pretty passive agressive towards Judas and they did some stuff to make them more obvious foils of each other and Ive talked about this before, this ended up making Judas come across as really weird and bad there but I do think Mary came out of it as more interesting so that was neat. In the 2012 version I'll admit its mostly just her outfit that makes her come across as interesting to me but idk, I also really like this actress and it was neat to see her do stuff with the rest of the ensemble in the background sometimes and she definitely never came across as generic in the same way that 2018!Mary did.

The most interesting things she did were, in this order: go up to Judas after Jesus yelled at him in Strange Thing, Mystifying and he walked away, her touching everyone and calming them down at the start of Everything's Alright and her sitting down between Jesus and Judas and holding both their hands for a moment before leaving to put a candle on the table at the start of The Last Supper. And one of those things wasnt even really interesting! And honestly, shes essentially the Token Girl Character of this very male-centric play and those almost always play this kind of mediator role, so this doesnt really help in making her feel less generic to me. Also, like, idk if this really makes sense as a complaint but I feel like encapsulates my issues with this Mary and its that, when she was doing I Don't Know How To Love Him and she got to the line "I'm the one who's always been/So calm, so cool, no lovers fool" I was just like "sorry girlie, I dont believe you, youve got massive Lover's Fool vibes" yknow. Moving on

I dont have much to say about Caiaphas, Annas and their goons, they were all pretty good. My main issue with them was that they were oddly quiet during This Jesus Must Die but honestly thats an issue with the entire production. Like, idk if something went wrong or if it was meant to be like this bit I was watching this on my computer with the volume wayyyy louder than I usually have it and it was still really quiet for some reason. The fact that the audience would applaud whenever a song ended or whenever a character entered or reentered the stage didnt help bc its like, most of these songs come one right after the other with nary a break inbetween bc they obviously didnt accomodate for that and it doesnt make for a very pleasant viewing experience. But back to the priests, I wanted to give a special shoutout to that guy that sings the line "A rabbel rousing mission that I think we must ABORT" I think hes great, hes absolutely insane, hes a white boy off the shits and I love him for it

Speaking of off the shits white boys, I also really liked Simon. I dont actually remember what his singing was like or if I thought it was good or not, I just remember him going wild on stage while looking like the older version of a Die Wilden Kerle movie villain (if youre not german or didnt watch those, please google "Die Wilden Kerle Gonzo", "Die Wilden Kerle Fabi" and "Die Wilden Kerle Darkside" to understand this joke) and sometimes thats really all you need. Also, during The Last Supper everyone is being very effectionate with each other and I love that Simon is included in that. Like, hes this horrible little man whos done nothing except advocate for violence and look, hes got a friend who hugs him, hes got a woman who hugs him and hes got a guy friend who comforts him when their spiritual leader/maybe friend? has a mental breakdown and starts yelling at all of them all of a sudden. Love that for him

I didnt like Pilate though. He did a good job I guess, but idk the vibes just werent right with him. Funnily enough I had the exact opposite of that issue with Herod, whose vibes were absolutely impeccable but whose singing was just kinda strange and underwhelming. I did like him going up to the audience during that dance break to be like "Whos your king?" or whatever, thats was neat

Thats it as far as my thoughts on the cast go, it wasnt great but I did really like the ensemble. I dont have too much to say about the individual musical numbers which is why I didnt split this post up the way I did my 2012 JCS post. I dont think they did anything particularly noteworthy or striking with the chereography or the lighting that wasnt done better in other version, the most interesting part was really the fact that there were two 'audience-walls'. What I mean by that is that, usually when you have a stageplay you have your set which has three actual walls and then one non-literal wall that the audience can see the story through, but this one has two, its like a rectangle with two sides missing essentially. But they still dont do too much with that, the staging of certain numbers is a bit more dynamic than it would be on a traditional stage (like Damned For All Time/Blood Money for example) and it seems like the performers have a bit more freedom to move and turn around and whatnot but thats about it.

One thing that I did really enjoy was the use of these white scarves. They show up during Hosanna for the first time and the ensemble members and Jesus all wave them around, they look cool and I like how actually wear them and put them around their heads during Jesus' second verse. Soon after that we get The Temple, which I think couldve been better, especially the first part, but during the beggars part the ensemble is also wearing scarves (I think theyre more of a light gray but its kinda hard to tell with the lighting) and I know its a stretch to say that this is supposed to be some sortof parallel or whatever between the two scenes because theres only so many ways you can wear a scarf but idk, I really like the idea of contrasting these two scenes where Jesus is surrounded by his followers. Im pretty sure the next time they appear its during The Last Supper scene where they all have them around their shoulders and then when they all use them as blankets when they go to sleep at the end, I thought that was really cute. Also, Mary puts a scarf around Judas' shoulders and Im pretty sure its light gray instead of white which could be a nod to The Temple scene earlier but I actually think its meant to kindof tie in to Jesus' outfit. I just realized I havent talked about the costuming at all but Jesus is wearing all white with a light gray jacket over it, so yeah. The next time the white scarves make an appearance is during Pilate And Christ, all the ensemble members wrap them around their chests like some sort of faux toga and then they take them back off for that mini Hosanna reprise and wave them around like they did during the song proper. The last appearance of these scarves is during Judas' Death, they're scattered all over the floor and he picks them up and hangs himself with them. I think I wouldve preferred it if he just kept that scarf Mary gave him and hanged himself with that but at the same time this is really good and interesting too, yknow, hes hanging himself using whats essentially a symbol Jesus-worship while telling god its his fault that hes doing it. good stuff

I was getting close to ending it here but remembering that I forgot to say anything about the costuming earlier caused me to remember all the thoughts I had about it but Ive already spent too much time writing this and Im starting to forget stuff, so here are my basic thoughts about the costuming in a quick bullet point list:

the outfits do an overall better job at actually looking cool and/or punk than they did in either the 2000s or the 2012 version, although i might just feel that way because theyre the most up-to-date fashion-wise

Pilates outfit was really weird and I still dont know what to think about it, I wouldve probably liked it more if they cast a different actor with better vibes

Herods outfit was great, no notes

I didnt like those background dancer outfits, they looked like bird-themed strippers and they wouldve felt more appropriate for the first half of The Tempel (that part was also in desperate need of some dancing, basically all they did there was rub their faces against a table full of glitter for about two minutes)

Judas outfit feels like an upgrade of the one from the 2000s version, he actually looked cool, h wore red and he showed some cleavage!! Not as much as the 73 version but still

JUDAS GOT TO WEAR WHITE AGAINNN well, he got to wear an outfit covered in white rhinestones which really looked more silvef but I dont think Im getting anything better than this at this point so I'll take it

I like that Mary wore orange like in the 1973 version and her dress was very beautiful but the lighting was kept very cool/neutral throughout most of the show so it made her stick out when she wasnt supposed to and it was really distracting

I like that all the ensemble members wear white and gray outfits for the crucifixion again, to tie in to Jesus' outfit

So yeah, Conclusion Time

I'd give this one a solid 6.5/10, for reference I thought both the 1973 movie and the 2000 recording were 7/10s and the 2012 version was an 8/10. Maybe thats a pretty high score for a proshot that I didnt have a lot of kind things to say about but idk, at the end of the day I still had fun listening to and watching a musical I really enjoyed

[tera-91]

Wild month ...

I cant believe I went all spooky season without posting.

Well I wrote something and left my computer for a few hours and I don’t know what happened but all that I wrote that morning was just gone.

No, like a silly person I did not save before I left but there was another word doc I had open too that I hadn’t saved but that one was recovered …

Anyway it wasn’t too informative other than I was nervous about what might happened when my manager came back from leave. Honestly it was almost too accurate…

I walked in and my hands almost immediately started to shake with barely a good morning. It took less than an hour for this manager to get grumpy about something that was going on I don’t remember what it was. I could tell the schedule was going to be an issue since this manager kept checking out the next schedule the other manager put out throughout the day. To my *not* shock this manager asked why I wasn’t scheduled outside my availability as far as working in the evening. Not that this manager cared that I was scheduled EVERY day I usually have off or that I had two days off that I typically work due to a thing my sibling and I are going to. Oh no that was not a concern but the fact that I was not scheduled to work the late shift.

The whole time this manager has been gone Ive been putting in job applications either to get a second job or to just have a back up plan if I reach my breaking point again.

Part of me has considered to just quit … again. Once I get into the program I want to at school if the last years schedule is going to be similar to this new year coming up I would be in class the majority of the day 3 days a week. I already work, typically 4 days a week.

The way the schedule currently is, I’m not completely sure how to write it out. So I would have class on at least 2 days I’m typically off of work. I usually work on a day I would have to have class and there’s no switching that class day around so the only way for me to keep the number of hours is for me to work on the third day I typically have off or for me to work a few hours on probably at least 2 of the days that I have class without going beyond the time of day I can work.

Basically I just wouldn’t have a day off between the two at all or if I worked on a day or two I would have class I might have one day a week free. That’s like 50 hours a week just in work and class not including any kind of homework. I think its recommended you spend 2 or 3 hours per credit hour between homework and studying. That’s another like 18 to 30 hours. So that inflates my week to nearly 70 or 80 hours. I know some people do that routinely but still.

I have a difficult enough time just making sure I get assignments in on time and making time to study since I work the day before exams as it is.

I know that is a while away so I don’t think too much about it other than I need to find something else before that happens. Hell with the way the manager made me feel on day 1 of us working together after their return Im like I need to put a heavy foot on the grind to get my side projects done. Just need to get something to the point that I would feel comfortable to not work. The second day wasn’t much better. Getting all huffy and puffy because I am not an octopus and cant do 3 things at the same time. Without going into too much detail I was working on an immediate two part issue that would take less than 2 minutes to resolve since at the time I was already half way done when this manager said no that I was to do something else now. This thing *couldn’t* wait even though there was not an immediate issue with it other than I guess this manager was afraid they were going to inadvertently throw it out since they were going around the place throwing stuff out. I swear this individual asks questions with little to no context but doesn’t give me enough time to even register what they are referring to. That or they want something done and I just got to the point of absolutely not. I mean I think I was asked to do two or three things last shift that the manager ended up asking my coworker to do since I still doing what was previously asked on me. I’m not slow at my job but also when we have so many interruptions and tasks randomly asked of us not immediate to what we are doing. I almost said to just write me a list of the items you want me to complete in the next idk how long was left in the shift but I would get them all done.

Anyway, due to this manager’s task allocations (which in my opinion they give themselves too much busy work or whatever that makes things harder for them that they give out tasks they could more aptly complete) the next shift is more than likely going to start “behind the ball.” Which means I’m going to have to clean it up on my next shift.

This manager is back and with less than a handful of shifts working with this individual I’m back to being a jittery mess. I don’t want to go to work knowing they will be there. I’m practically holding my breath every time they speak. Watching every word I say, I try to joke to make light of the stressful environment, but it just gets thrown back at me. Or waiting to see if im going to be on the end of a conversation that feels like an interrogation. Wondering if they will go off about something. Say something that makes me feel dumb (I’m a bit dyslexic especially with numbers and I haven’t been diagnosed officially but my sibling says I have adhd so I do know I make little mistakes here and there but not anything that someone else doesn’t sometimes do as well). FFS Im up at 4am writing this because I cant sleep and ive been up for over an hour, maybe 2 at this point already. It’s fine since I have the day off as im writing this but still. How many more nights will I sleep maybe 4 or 5 hours before waking up unable to fall back asleep.

I hate to sound like a broken record. Mostly because I tell myself that I will do these things and then procrastinate and not do them. I’m going to do my best to hold myself to it. The only thing I think I can do is, well hopefully not burn out while doing it, but to spend as much time as possible on my side projects. Something. Maybe on my days that I work its just an hour but on the days im off its at least 3 to 5 hours. Spend time writing and editing and recording. Like the days that Im off that I have the mental capacity to it ill write, record and do the creative editing, while on the days that I work ill do the things that are a little less mentally draining like just the audio scrubbing.

[nonesensegibberish]

Nine months

I guess my last post was nine months ago, or thereabouts. To make it easier for future-me: 9/21/24 is the current date. Do you remember? The 21st night of September? Im still alive. I wanted to say 'despite my best efforts', but that wouldn't be true. I've managed to keep from having any new attempts. Not even any cutting. Its good. I should be happy about that. I dunno. I feel like I should be happier. Thats what I was coming here to mumble and whine about. I'm better than I once was, truely. I'm doing more and more often... Maybe not in comparison to january. Maybe I was better in january... But I think I'm better than I was january of LAST year, at the very least. I have more friends than I once did, and closer ones at that. Ones that I dont feel like a burden around. I have FANS. Can you believe that? Honest-to-god *fans*. It feels like I should be closer to what I've always dreamed- than I ever have been before. So why do I still feel empty? I'm running out of HRT. My insurance is gone. I'm having to use crypto to buy DIY estrogen over a shady website. But some people, kind as can be, have chipped in to help me pay for it. God- the entire MONTH of august- I was given so much by people who are so kind. I gave incentive, sure. I made it feel like a transaction for my own sanity. But still. People liked me THAT much. So why do I feel unloved and useless? I'm 'working'. I'm doing decent things. I'm helping where I can. So why am I still a failure? I dont know. It feels like I'll never be meaningfully happy. It feels like nothing will ever truely go alright, or if it does I wont ever be able to appreciate it. It hasn't been all roses. This entire year has felt like non-stop strain and suffering. My dog is dead. My grandpa is dead. We have a new dog who I cant find it in me to love. My family is falling apart. I continue to be a drain, who cant work to save her life. I don't know. It feels like the slightest things set me off, now. A slamming door, a raised voice. I nearly exploded and broke down just from dropping some food. I'm getting constant headaches and tiredness. I don't know. I just want it to stop. I want things to go alright for a little while. I'll live. I will. I just hate myself sometimes, and this life I live. I want everything to be better. The happy days feel so temporary and slight. It is what it is. I dont know what I even am saying anymore. I dont know what the point of all this was- if it had one. I just want to scream into the void, but I don't want to bother anyone. Having a fanbase is kind of hard. I want to say things. I want to scream from the rooftops. I want to be allowed to be vulerable and drop my guard. I want to be able to vent my frustrations publicly. Thats why this is here, I guess. I don't know why you're reading this. In all likelyhood- no one else ever will. But YOU still are, me. You'll read this later down the line- some other day. Why. What do you get out of it? Will you be looking on with pity? Will you be a better person than I am right now? Will you be sad for the life you used to live? Or will you be looking with anger and frustration? Annoyed as I suck on my silver spoon, and cry at the taste of it? Is it worse? Are you worse off? Is life even harder? I hope it isn't. Im so sorry if it is. You deserve love. We both do. I hope Lexi is still tolerating us. I hope mom is always going to be healthy. I hope dad is better. I hope our friends still are our friends. I hope that you aren't the me that looks on with envy at who I am right now. I'm sorry that I'm not better. I'm sorry. I want to be, but I'm weak. Too weak. I want to be appreciative of what I have, but its never enough.

Do you still like Porter Robinson and tabletop games? Do you still have Jack, and Liz, and Sarah, and all the others? Do you love yourself? I hope you do. I hope you are everything I wish to be. ... If you're reading this, and you aren't me...? Well... Then I'm sorry. That must have been meaningless to you. But it cant be any less meaningful than any of the rest of this, can it...? I don't know. Maybe you get something out of it. Maybe it somehow helps. I hope it does. I hope you're doing okay, whoever you are. I hope the world is kind to you. I hope the world is kind to all of us.

Goodbye for now. Maybe I'll see you in 9 to 10 more months.

-A thing which is... 20% or 50% dying.

[thinkingjasico]

what if when jason woke up on the bus with piper and leo the only memory he had was the name nico di angelo?

The first and second part of this post rewriting The Lost Hero, Son of Neptune, Mark of Athena and House of Hades are in this link <3

Making BoO in a new post bc that one was already a bit long. So shall we finally finish this rewriting HoH with BoO? Walk with me...

Nico has gone with Reyna and Coach Hedge to take the Athena Parthenos, and Jason is on the ship with the others nearing the end of the mission.

For jasico shippers BoO already starts with the iconic "gods...nico" which is already so gay that I don't even need to change it.

The book starts with Jason’s POV extremely worried about Nico and we're going to pretend here that his arc with his mother ended in a better way. Maybe with Jason pretending to accept her proposal and staying in the Odysseus' Palace with his mother to see what else he can find out about Gaia's plans. Piper and Annabeth manage to get away and get to the ship. The rest of the crew gets a little pissed at Jason and wants to leave, but Piper and Leo explain to everyone that they have to stay and wait, that Jason must have a plan and must not have really allied with Gaia. So Jason gets all the information they need and thinks he's gonna have to fly or something like that until he finds the ship because he thinks they must have gone and left him behind (the abandonment complex this boy has...) and then Jason manages to scape, but Michael Varus, Beryl and other soldiers intercept him, Jason denies his mother that same way but makes a whole speech, he takes the stab but manages to fly, almost falling, and get out of there. He thinks he won't be able to fly for much longer to find the Argo II and will fall into the sea and die. At that moment he sees the ship in the distance and thinks that it's the first time that people have not given up on him and abandoned him. When he arrives everyone helps him and Jason, almost fainting, says he doesn't believe they stayed there at the risk of being attacked and Hazel, who doubted Jason the most, says that of course they did because they are like a family now and you cant leave your family behind.

Meanwhile, Nico is starting to feel weak from the shadow travel. Little by little he gets closer to Reyna and trusts her more. Nico remembers how Jason always said that when Nico felt ready to open up to friendships he would see how many people would like to get to know him better, not just Jason and Hazel. Nico found it hard to believe because he'd had a small crush on Percy when he was younger, which he saw would come to nothing when he found out Percy liked Annabeth, and for a long time Nico thought he wasn't worthy of love at all and felt guilty about his feelings for boys. His mother died, his sister too, his first crush not only didn't feel the same way, but he often actually seemed to hate Nico… and then when Nico allowed himself to start believing he could be loved by Hazel and Jason, if he actually felt the same for Nico—Jason was taken and placed as someone else's boyfriend. But little by little Nico begins to see that Reyna, like his sisters and Jason, doesn't expect anything from him. She doesn't want anything from him, except his friendship.

Gradually Nico talks a little with Reyna about Jason, but he talks about it like they're just friends and he's worried about Jason because he's feeling something strange. Reyna obviously realizes that it's not just friendship, as she always suspected, and tells Nico to try to get in touch with Jason. So Nico manipulates his dreams to get into Jason's. It's difficult because Jason doesn't have the preparation or powers to control his own dreams. But when entering Jason's dreams, Nico can feel that he is dying. Nico wakes up startled but before he can tell Reyna that they need to IM the Argo II— they are attacked.

Jason feels something strange when he wakes up, almost as if he's had a vivid dream—but stranger. He wakes up hearing Nico's voice, but he's not there. Feeling his presence and hearing his footsteps... but Nico must already be on the other side of the continent about to make the jump across the Atlantic. Jason feels the ship rocking a lot and goes to the deck. He offers to go down with Percy and that's when Jason gets better and makes the promise of the shrines to the gods.

Nico is in Portugal, very weak and almost dying, when he sees his father and Hades says the "I want you to be an exception" (I have a post about this line here 🥺) and Nico decides to IM Jason.

He's in the infirmary tending to some injuries with Piper when Nico appears nearby. Piper is startled and at least three light bulbs explode when Jason sees Nico there.

"Sorry I didn't mean to appear out of the blue but this thing doesn't have a ringtone or anything." Nico is a little embarrassed because Jason had his shirt up for Piper to bandage his abdomen. Jason drops his shirt in the same second.

"No, dont worry about it." He gets closer to the IM. "Did something happen? Are you okay? Reyna? Coach?"

Nico gives a small smile because that is how Jason is. He is the one in the infirmary tending to injuries, and Nico felt he was on the verge of death— but there he is worried about others.

"We are all fine."

"You don't look fine." Nico really is very thin, sunken-eyed and clearly weak.

"Look who's talking. I felt a strange thing as if you were dying, but I guess at least that didn't happen, right?"

Jason smiles. "No. I'm very much alive."

"That's great." Nico wants to look at him whole, ask more, tell about his conversation with his father, tell him about getting closer to Reyna. Tell Jason how every time he walks into the void filled with emptiness and he has to focus on the next destination, his mind betrays him and thinks about Jason and he almost ends up on the Argo II again with Reyna, Hedge and the Athena Parthenos in Jason's room. And Jason looks at him like he also has a million things to say.

Piper clears her throat and they both snap out of their trance and look at her. "I think your bandage is fine for now, Jason." She gathers a few things and throws them away. "I'll give you a second. Nico, please say hi to Reyna for me." And she leaves.

Jason turns back to Nico rather embarrassed.

"I've been thinking—"

"I wanted to know if—"

They speak at the same time.

Jason chuckles. "You go first."

Nico nods and tries to muster up the courage but can't look at Jason, so he looks down. "I've been thinking about not going to the Underworld if this war ends well for us."

"Really?!" Nico looks up and Jason has wide eyes and a bright smile.

"Really." Nico tries not to smile too, and he doesn't know why it's so hard to control his smile every time he's with Jason even if it's an IM being countries away from each other. But whenever he sees him, the skeleton butterflies in Nico's stomach want to come back to life. It's really irritating.

"And what made you change your mind?" Jason asks and Nico notice he's trying his best to control his smile. "If I may ask."

Nico shakes his head and looks away for a second to control his involuntary blushing. "Many things." Nico turns back to Jason. "Let's say one day a very annoyingly smart boy told me that it's possible to choose your family and have people in your life who care about you and love you for who you are and who make you want to choose to live and fight for those people. And I've been starting to think this might be true."

Jason's eyes that had previously been a little gray from the possible pain of his injuries, gleamed again as Nico saw it happen every time they were together. "I'm glad to hear that. I wonder if this smart boy is among those people."

Nico rolls his eyes but a small smile tugs at the tip of his lips. "Annoyingly smart, don't forget."

Jason nods, feigning seriousness. "Of course."

Nico shakes his head and hears Reyna calling to him in the distance. He looks for where her voice is coming from and sees that Reyna and Hedge are running to him.

"Holy crap." Nico says scared.

"Nico what..." Jason asks worriedly.

Nico doesn't even turn to him. "I have to go." Nico runs his hand over the message and it disappears.

At that moment they are attacked by the werewolves and Nico gets seriously injured. They make the next jump to escape and meet with the Hunters and Amazons (which means, Thalia). We're in Reyna's POV so she's shocked that Thalia is Jason's sister and wonders how Nico will react. Nico wakes up with the note that the hunters took Reyna and he gets mad. He goes out and buys the classic palm tree shirt and then meets Thalia briefly. She says that Reyna didn't know much about how Jason is but as Nico stayed longer on the ship she asks him if he doesn't know anything else, Nico is kind of embarrassed and Thalia doesn't understand why, so he just says that Jason was injured but that he seems to be recovering well. Nico tells Thalia about his theory about the end of the prophecy and Thalia gets serious and thoughtful, and says she hopes Nico is wrong, but they both know he's not.

With great difficulty they make the next jump and Nico soon finds Bryce.

On Jason's side and the Argo II, they are sure they need the doctor's cure or Jason or Leo will die at the end of the prophecy. Jason thinks it's okay if he has to die, as long as he at least gets to see Nico one last time, if only to tell him not to give up on his life and not go to the Underworld.

After killing Bryce in the most sinister way possible, Nico passes out and is unconscious for days. When he wakes up he tells Reyna and Hedge everything. Everything about him, about Jason... He can't look at them and really want to cry.

"It would be weird being two guys together. But it makes it even worse that Jason is…well, Jason, and I am me."

"Kid, I don't understand." The coach says. "You demigods complicate things too much. What would be wrong with two men together? It's natural for me as men and women, satyrs and nymphs…" Nico looks at them a little confused but hopeful. Reyna nods with a smile and Nico with teary eyes smiles weakly. "And another thing, the Grace boy is quite annoying but he's a good figther, you're the same. If he likes you and you like him, I don't know what could stop you." Nico and Reyna laugh a little.

Coach says he'll get things ready for them to go and Reyna stays behind to talk to Nico.

Nico looks at her embarrassed. "I know you liked him, I don't want to..."

Reyna holds up a hand, silencing Nico. "Nico I didn't like Jason— I liked the idea of him. The son of Jupiter, praetor by my side, very powerful demigod and a soldier like no other. I thought I needed to be with a boy like that, and I don't know, maybe I was wrong about that in many ways." Nico frowns in confusion and Reyna smiles. "You trusted me, and I'm grateful for that. After this madness is over and I can think about myself instead of a war, maybe I can understand what it was I had for Percy and Jason, and why that happened. Then I'll talk to you about it. But just know that you and Jason are two of the demigods who most deserve a happy life after all you've been through." She places her hand on Nico's shoulder and he was still processing the 'Percy' part of what she said. "We can die at any moment, you more than anyone knows that— Will you really let fear stop you from being happy and making him happy?"

Back to Jason.

They got the doctor's cure and are reaching Athens. Jason and Hazel tried to contact Nico again but couldn't, and the two are anxious and wondering if Nico died in that attack. Hazel says he's not dead, that she would know if he was, but they are still afraid.

Hazel and Jason are on the deck waiting for the others to finish putting on their armor. They are looking at the blue sea and Athens approaching at every second.

"I wish I had spoken to him one more time." Hazel says and Jason looks at her. "In case we don't make it out of here."

"We're going to get out of here. This is just the beginning of the battle, we still have Gaia ahead of us." Hazel nods and looks at him very seriously.

"I know you guys don't talk about it with others. But back at Camp Jupiter I knew you guys spent all day together while I did my training." Jason’s eyes wide a little. "Every night I saw Nico arrive at the barracks with a silly smile on his face that didn't match his sadness and distance of the rest of the time. He didn't even have to tell me much other than silence when I asked if he liked you for me to understand everything."

Jason couldn't help but smile a little. "I've been remembering more and more things. Like coming home with a silly smile too." Hazel chuckles but Jason's smile fades little.

"What is it?"

Jason shakes his head. "I don't know. It's weird that I didn't have my memories altered to think that all of this happened between Piper and I, like it was for her. And I feel guilty about that. I know it's crazy—"

"Jason you shouldn't feel guilty about losing your memories but not having false memories of her. It was bad enough for you to forget your life and who you are. It's Juno's fault that this happened to you guys, not yours."

"I know, it's just..." Jason lets out a weary breath and looks back at Piper helping Annabeth with her armor. "I know it was hard for her, and I can't help but blame myself. And at the same time I don't understand why Juno tortured her with these false memories and left Nico's name in my head and didn't put Piper in my memories of him." He looks at Hazel who seems to be paying close attention to the matter.

"Mist is complicated Jason. Maybe even being a goddess Juno didn't have full mastery of it."

Jason nods thoughtfully and looks away and now Athens is even closer. Jason’s heart races. "Hazel, please promise me something."

She nods. "Sure, what is it?"

Jason looks at her. "Maybe at the end of the mission I will die—" Hazel opens her mouth to speak but Jason continues. "I know we have the cure, but I've been thinking... We only have one cure, what if Leo and I die? I'd rather you use the cure on him." Hazel frowns. "And if that happens, I just want you to please promise me that you'll be with Nico, that even though he's on one side of the country at Camp Half-Blood and you're on the other at Camp Jupiter, that you'll be family to each other, and that he won't be alone."

Hazel smiles and takes his hands. "Nico may be on the other side of the planet and I will never abandon him. And you will not die, you'll also be with him and we'll all be a family." Jason looks down feeling his chest tighten. Nico could be in danger right now, maybe the seven won't even make it back to Camp Half-Blood no matter how much Jason tells Hazel they are. Maybe when Jason arrives Nico will be dead, maybe Jason will die in the end... it's a one in a million chance that this will have a happy ending.

Nico arrives at the camp and finds Will, Lou and Cecil. They go together to try to infiltrate the Roman army. And Nico realizes how little are their chances to survive this war.

The Argo II reach Athens and they fight the Giants alongside the gods. In the end Zeus blames Hera and Apollo, and Jason defends Apollo. They are heading towards the ship but Jason stops for a second beside Hera while Leo and the others prepare the ship. Hera looks confused by Jason's approach, but happy that he wants to talk to her after all.

"Weird that you being the goddess of marriage broke so many hearts with this plan of yours." Hera's smile disappears instantly.

"Jason..."

"With all due respect my lady, but I don't want to hear any excuses. The only thing I want to know is why did you leave him in my head? Why did you leave Nico's name and his presence in the memories I'd forgotten?"

Hera looks at him confused. "Jason I didn’t let him in your head." She rolls her eyes and huffs. "My original idea was for you to have your memories altered for the Aphodite's daughter and for Percy to have his memories altered for the praetor at Camp Jupiter. It was my chance to ruin the happiness of the two demigods I detest the most, Annabeth Chase and Nico di Angelo. But... I was doing it all alone, hidden, and in such a hurry... So whatever it was, you two managed not to let your memories be altered and remembered them."

Jason was too stunned to notice Aphrodite nearby until she giggled and Hera turned to her. "'Whatever it was' of course. Meddle in these matters and hurt my daughter... You have a lot more to worry about now than with Zeus."

Jason feels the fight coming in the air and leaves to join the others with his head spinning.

It wasn't Hera, it was him. All this time Jason was feeling weak and  vulnerable without his memories, but he wasn't weak. Jason managed to dodge a goddess messing with his mind.

Everyone gathered on the deck with Leo yelling for them to hold on tight. Jason saw his dad give the ship a slap. But Jason’s mind and heart were racing faster than the Argo II flying across europe and the Atlantic.

The Argo II arrives at the camp. The battle is insane on the ground and Leo yells for everyone to leave while the ship is on fire, Jason doesn't want to leave him but Leo tells him to go with Piper. None of them are happy to leave Leo behind but Jason grabs Piper and flies off into battle.

Here I don't even need to change the canon because, again, it was already very gay. "Jason’s heart lifted when he saw Nico di Angelo on the front lines with the Greeks, slashing his way through a crowd of two-headed men."

Jason goes down with Piper and Reyna goes to them and when Piper goes out with Reyna, Nico sees Jason and the world feels like slow motion. Nico runs towards him killing monsters along the way in a matter of seconds. Jason's heart will come out of his mouth, he's sure of it. All around him the world is ending and he can't seem to get rid the hum of his pounding pulse in his ear. Nico comes to him and Jason opens his mouth to say something— but Nico kisses him. Jason feels the heat of battle all around him, but it's nothing compared to his body on fire. A very loud thunder rumbles through the sky as Jason pulls Nico close to kiss him back "To storm or fire, the world must fall" and that was the storm. It had to be, because Jason felt he could decimate the world if he felt Nico's lips on his a second longer or if he pulled away.

Nico pulls back a few inches, breathing hard and his face is grimy from the battle.

"You're wearing glasses." Is the first thing he says and it makes Jason smile like an idiot.

"Nice shirt." Jason says and Nico smiles wryly as Jason remembers he loves to see.

Before they can have a conversation, battle calls out to them and they are attacked.

They pull back fighting the monsters. "Where are the others?" Nico asks.

"Everyone's here, just Leo..." Jason swipes at a monster that turns to dust and looks away at the sky. The ship is falling like a fireball.

"Shit." Nico says. "He'll survive, but just in case— for Leo!"

"For Leo!" Jason says and they find themselves fighting back to back against Gaia's army (this art has my heart already). And Jason's brain can assimilate his fight reflexes and still feel his lips tingling and Nico's taste in his mouth. At the same time that he is worried for his life and worried about his friends, Jason feels that his body is going to explode with happiness. The insane mixture of complex and intense feelings mixing like cosmic dust in a nebula getting so absurdly dense that it needs to become a star.

"Nico!" They listen and turn around. Will from cabin 7 is coming over there. He says something to Nico that Jason can't hear but Nico looks worried.

Nico nods to Will and turns to Jason. "I have to go." Jason is confused but nods. Nico pulls Jason down by his shirt and presses their lips together hard and fast. "Don't die." He says simply and Jason can't come up with anything smart enough to answer other than a simple,

"Yes sir."

Nico must have thought Jason is silly as usual, because he smiled and ran off in his red palm tree shirt.

The rest of the battle takes place as in the book. Octavian dies, Leo "dies". After it ends they are talking and Hazel tells them about Leo's plan. And Nico stay with Hazel that night because she's feeling guilty.

The next morning Jason shows up at Nico's door with his glasses crooked and messy hair, and here Nico reaches out and fixes his glasses. It's Nico's POV and he notices that Jason is clearly embarrassed and not knowing what to do.

"Hazel is still sleeping, can we go for a walk?" Jason nods and they walk off together slowly.

Jason asks how Nico felt about Leo's death and Nico says he felt as if he had died, but that he's not sure now. He feels that Leo did take the cure. Jason is all happy and goes to hug Nico but stops in the middle of the movement.

"Sorry, I don't…" he blushes and lowers his arms.

Nico frowns. "'You don't'... what?"

Jason puts his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants. "I don't know if what happened yesterday in the battle was just because of the battle or if—"

Nico can't help but laugh a little. He looks around and there aren't many people around. It will be a while before Nico is ok with public displays of affection— other than in the middle of a battlefield, ofc.

He approaches and hugs Jason by the neck looking him in the eyes, and Jason's blue eyes, just like when Nico kissed him in the middle of the fight, now again have an intensity like lightning stirring inside his irises. Jason relaxes around Nico's arms in the same second. Nico opens his mouth to speak but hears Will calling him. He and Jason look and Will is close by with his hands on his hips.

"You can date later di Angelo. After crossing a continent and an ocean with a statue the size of a building you will stay in the infirmary at least for today." Nico huffs and rolls his eyes. "You can bring a companion." Will jokes and chuckles.

Jason pulls back a little and takes Nico's hand uncertainly, but Nico intertwines their fingers and Jason smiles a little. "I'll see if I'm needed around the Camp and talk to Chiron about quests to search for Leo, but I'll have lunch with you in the infirmary ok?" Nico nods, wanting to tell Will to get out of there because he wants to stay with Jason, help in the camp and look for Leo, he doesn't want to be stuck in an infirmary all day. Jason gives Nico a lingering kiss on the forehead that makes him close his eyes. Jason pulls back a little. "See you later." Nico nods a little lost and Jason gives one of the most charming smiles Nico has ever seen on any boy and walks away a little, but a simple kiss on the forehead caused Nico to be stuck on the ground and unable to move. Jason turns around walking backwards. "Just to know, how do you feel about surprises?"

"Public, no. Quests, no. Just you and me, yes."

Jason gives the same smile, nods and leaves. Nico stands there watching him walk away and feeling his heart melt to the floor like it's standing on quicksand.

"Hello? Do you want me to wait here all day while you daydream?" Will says reminding Nico that he was still there.

Well, Solace was annoying but maybe one more friend for Nico's friends list that now included Reyna, Hazel, Jason, maybe Percy and the others from the prophecy, wouldn't be that bad... Yeah, Nico was going to open up to accepting these people in his life. After all, he didn't regret opening up to Jason or Reyna.

Nico spends the morning and afternoon at the infirmary and Jason shows up with a chocolate brownie smuggled from the dining pavilion, and tells Nico that Chiron has approved that after the camp is fine, they all get together to make groups to search for Leo (as it should have been, honestly Riordan...). A nurse appears to bandage the werewolf injurie that Nico has and Jason sees it. Nico explains the story a little embarrassed, but Jason says.

"If you turned into half wolf then we would both be half wolves." Which makes Nico laugh, and everyone around looks at the son of Hades finding it strange to see him like that, but he ignores them.

Nico snaps his shirt collar back into place. "It's a very ugly scar."

Jason turns his head and shows where the bullet hit him. "I got this one."

Nico looks at him in disbelief and speaks quietly. "As if it doesn't make you even more cute."

Jason shakes his head, his ears a little red. "There are others, not so 'cute'." He gets more serious. "Inside and outside."

Nico understands immediately and his eyes water a little. "Inside and outside." He echoes.

Jason looks at him warily, knowing full well that Nico has literally been to hell and back, not to mention everything else. "They won't go away, never. But we can learn to live with them as best we can."

Nico nods and wipes his eyes quickly. "Do you think it's possible?"

Jason looks at him with affection and certainty. "I'm sure."

At night Jason shows up to pick up Nico with a mischievous smile.

"Should I be scared?" Nico asks walking beside Jason but doesn't have the courage to take his hand with so many people walking around the camp, and Jason notices and doesn't try anything.

"You'll like it, I'm sure."

They reach cabin 1 and go to the back, where there is no one around. Jason approaches and his eyes seem to glow in the dark, the air suddenly feels heavy for Nico with Jason's close proximity.

"May I?" Jason asks quietly and puts his hands close to Nico's waist but doesn't touch him. Nico nods, focused on the eyes next to him watching him as if they can see his soul. In the next second Nico feels Jason's hands gripping his waist and his feet floating off the floor. Nico for a second thinks it's in his head because that's how he feels, but then he notices they're actually flying slowly and he gasps and wraps his arms around Jason's neck and feels Jason chuckle. "I got you." Jason says and gives Nico a kiss on the head.

They reach the ceiling and Nico feels Jason release him carefully. "We're here." Nico let go of him and look around. On the roof of the cabin there is a blue towel, some candles and some bowls with food. In front of the towel is a telescope.

"What...?" Nico tries to say.

Jason takes his hand and begins to guide him to the towel. "Remember that at Camp Jupiter you said you liked to see the stars and I took you to the field of Mars at night to show off teaching you the names of stars and constellations?"

Nico chuckles. "I'm surprised you remember."

They stop in front of the telescope. "While we were building the ship I remembered that day, and it was that memory that made me think we were dating, because I got confused with what was a memory and what was my imagination." Nico looks at him confused and Jason blushes a little, and intertwines his fingers with Nico's. "That was the day I realized I like you. And I realized that because as much as i love to look at the starts, I wanted to spend the whole night looking at you." Jason gets closer and runs a finger caressing Nico's cheek near his eyes, making his breath quicken. "Because they are my favorite night sky." Jason kisses Nico's eye lightly and Nico's brain feels numb. Jason pulls back just a little and with difficulty Nico opens his eyes and tries to focus again. “That's why I got this telescope for you. I wasn't sure who you were, or if I'd ever meet you again, if we were really together, or if you felt the same way about me. But I knew I wanted to show you all the stars you wanted to see."

Nico couldn't wait any longer, and kissed Jason with the calm that their first kiss didn't have. The calm of knowing everything was fine now, and they could finally be each other's without fear, without rushing, without anything but them. But even calmly, with every second, every time Jason's tongue met his with the care of feeling each other like they needed to memorize every taste, or every time Nico sighed between the kiss or felt Jason's warm breath on his cheeks, or Jason's fingers roaming up his back, over his face, into his hair, and Nico pulling Jason closer by his shirt as if it were possible to be closer—Nico's heart raced and was filled with a certainty. And that certainty made him pull away for a second from Jason, just enough to look into his eyes.

"I love you." Nico said and Jason seemed lost, looking from one of Nico's eyes to the other as if to make sure this was real and not a made-up memory. Nico held tightly to the back of his head and looked sure at his favorite morning sky that always had a calm rain that could turn into an unsettling storm at any second. "I love you Jason Grace. And I'm not sure of anything else in the world like I'm sure I love you with every cell in my body."

And Nico saw around Jason's head little blue rays crackle like pure energy, and Jason was breathing hard and unevenly. "I love you." He said it with as much certainty as he could put into his voice. "And all I want is to be in your life in the way and for as long as you want me to."

Nico could have a goddess messing with his memories, go to Tartarus and back, or go through a thousand more wars if he had to, because those words would stay in his mind as a fresh memory and let him know that whatever happens and wherever he is— he has a home to return to, and now he was this home for Jason too.

[dr4cking]

I could request a smut with draco post war, where he and his wife (reader) have tried to have sex but their young children always interrupt them in some way, so they give it to cissy to take care of so they can have privacy. Thank you and only if you feel comfortable writing this request😊😊

Interruption.

masterlist taglist

draco malfoy x reader | smut | anon requested.

a/n : hi! thank you for requesting! this one is a really cute idea 😂💞

draco twisted the doorknob entering the house with his sleeping 5 year old son on his hips, the familiar scent tickling his nose as he step into their house, a smile crept up to his face as he sees the mother of his kid busying herself in the kitchen.

“hi dray, he’s asleep?” y/n whispers, walking to her husband, examining their son and she smiles as she sees her son sleeping peacefully resting his head on his father’s shoulder.

“he is, love. i think he got exhausted after playing all day in the park, lemme put this little guy on his bed first okay?” draco said as he kisses her forehead before heading into his son’s bedroom.

draco put scorpius carefully on his bed, pulling the cover up to his small body, he chuckles internally as he watched that scorpius is a spitting image of him. he left a kiss on his forehead as he closed the door quietly then head downstairs going back to his wife.

“hey, how’s your day? i miss you so much, love” draco put his hand around y/n’s waist startling her, he buried his face onto the crook of her neck inhaling his favorite scent making her giggles.

“i miss you too, dray. its been lovely, how about you hmm? did you have fun with our little guy?” y/n said not turning back as she still chopping the carrots.

“we did but he kinda took out all of my energy, you know what that means, right?” draco smirked as he pressed her back closer to his chest, his hands started to groping around her body.

“d-draco scorpius is s-sleeping” y/n said between her moans as her husband pressed her ass against his crotch and rubbing it behind her, she gripped the knife harder.

“then we’ll have to be quiet” he turns her around pushing her back against the table carefully, quickly catching her lips on his, kissing his wife hungrily moaning instantly into the kiss. she broke the kiss to catch some breath.

“f-fuck y/n” draco let out a whispered moan into her ear as he starts grinding his boner on her core, y/n throw her head back in pleasure feeling butterflies errupted in her stomach as he starts to trailing kisses down on her neck and still grinding on her.

“god its been so long since the last time, baby. i cant believe we managed to last that long” y/n chuckles at his words but turns into a hitched moan as draco pulled down the straps of her dress and latching his lips onto her nipple sucking on it, she interlocked her hand with his hair.

“no bra, yeah? as if you know you were gonna get fucked” y/n bites down her bottom lip, her eyes never leaving her husband who started to go down kissing her stomach, she gets more excited as he lifts up the bottom of her dress and kissing her inner thighs.

“d-draco please-” y/n hooked one of her leg onto his shoulder as he pushes her panties aside, he was about to gives all her craving but-

“mommy, daddy!” both of them froze as they heard a small footsteps approaching them, they quickly redressing themselves and act normal as their son run to y/n, hugging her leg.

“whats wrong baby?” y/n asked worriedly as she gets down on his level, patting his head.

“i’m having a nightmare mommy” she places soft kisses to all over his face to calm him down then she looks at draco who still held the frustation on his face, she wanted to laugh but she remember that her baby needs her right now.

“c’mon daddy lets put scorpius back in his room” y/n teasingly said running her fingers on his cheek, draco clenched his jaw gritting his teeth as he realizes what his wife playing at.

“you’re gonna regret that, babygirl” draco whispers into her ear as she walking the three of them to scorpius’s bedroom, he walked behind her and squeezing her ass, he smirks when he heard her gasped.

after an hour of reading scorpius a book, telling him a story, he finally gets back into his sleep but y/n and draco are too tired to continuing what they were about to do in the kitchen.

y/n look up to her husband who already staring at her, her mouth agape as she watches draco mouthed “i’m still horny” to her. holding out her laughter she shook her head.

“not now draco, we almost get caught by our son” y/n said quietly cant help but chuckles lowly when she sees draco whining and rubbing his face in frustration.

>>>>>

the next day comes, draco was sitting on his chair working through something, a quill on his hand and a parchment in front of him. then he heard rustling behind him, he turns around to find his beloved wife, only in a towel.

y/n gives him a wink and motioning him to come over making draco gulped, he made his way to her as fast as possible then pulling her closer by her waist, his lips immediately founding hers, his hand goes to unwrap the towel and it falls down onto the floor.

draco let out a grunts as he sees y/n’s exposed body he was getting hard by the seconds, he grabbed her by her thighs and placed her on his desk. his hands roaming around her body.

y/n moans softly when she feels draco sucking on her nipple, his hand playing with the other and his free hand rubbing her clit collecting the wetness, he brought his fingers into his mouth sucking it hungrily making y/n whimpers at his action. draco was about to pulls down his sweatpants until he heard a soft knocks on the door, he groaned in frustration.

“mommy, daddy? i’m so bored, can we go get an ice cream?” scorpius yelled behind the door making draco frustrated more.

y/n melted at her son’s voice, quickly getting a piece of clothes and putting it on, draco look at her in disbelief.

“are you serious, y/n?” draco loves his son so much but he always had a bad timing.

“draco he wants to get an ice cream, i cant say no to him, later okay? now c’mon” y/n chuckles at his pouted face, she kisses the tip of his nose and leading him with her to approaching their child.

after hours taking a walk and getting an ice cream per their son’s wishes, they go back to the house.

draco took a seat on the couch in their living room reading daily prophet while his wife and his kid starts to playing together in front of him, enjoying their day off but suddenly an owl barging into the house making the three of them turning their heads at it. draco raised his eyebrows in confusion as he takes the letter from the owl.

y/n rose up from the floor wanting to see who was sending them a letter, scorpius still unbothered playing with his toys.

“oh its from mother” draco said as he opened the enveloped.

Dear Draco & Y/n,

How are you? I havent heard anything about the three of you, I sent this letter to tell you both that Lucius & I missed our grandchild so much, I was hoping that he could stay for a little bit in the Manor, we wanted to spend some time with him. I wish you all healthiness as always.

Narcissa.

“perfect.” draco smirked as he finishes reading his mothers’ letter looking up to his wife with a sly grin making her blush.

“scorp?” he called out his son smiling at him as scorpius turning his head to listen to his father.

“do you want to stay with your grandmother and grandfather? they said they missed you and will be happy if you’re staying with them for awhile.”

“really? of course yes dad!! i missed them so much, mommy please pack my stuff” scorpius shouted happily, jumping around with his toy in his hand making his parents laugh at their boy’s cuteness.

in the evening, draco, y/n and scorpius apparated to the Malfoy Manor. lucius and narcissa already waiting at the front door welcoming the little family happily. scorpius runs to his grandmother and she picked him up kissing his cheeks.

“draco, y/n aren’t you staying too?” lucius asked as he watched the couple didnt go inside with them.

“uh father actually we were kinda busy- the work is stuffing up our faces.. but thank you for willing to take care of scorpius” draco nervously said as lucius looked at them in confusion but after connecting the dots together, he nods giving his son a smirk.

“sure sure, have fun you two” y/n widen her eyes but quickly laughed it off, the pair blushing madly because of draco’s father words but draco hurriedly takes her hand in his and apparating back to their house saving them from embarrassment.

as they appeared back in their house draco opened the door and shoving his wife inside kicking the door behind them as he pushed y/n against it.

“woah woah slow down draco” y/n laughs at her husband aggressiveness but interrupted by his lips capturing hers, she returns the kiss with the same passion, moans slipped off of her as draco undressing both of them.

“fuck- i cant take it anymore baby wanna take you right here right now” draco places wet kisses on her neck, marking every inch of her skin. he slowly get down after he finished assaulting her neck, continuing what he was doing yesterday, but now without any interruptions.

“draco.. oh- fuck” y/n couldnt control her moans anymore as draco drowned his head between her thighs eating her out making his wife squirming and scratching on the door.

draco let out a hum at the taste of her, he was hungry he eats her out like a starved men, its not only for her but for his pleasure too. y/n’s moan ringing in his ear filling the house making he gets more hungrier, he inserts his fingers into her thrusting and curling them inside of her making her body shake, his tongue skillfully playing with her clit.

“oh my god draco.. i-im so close!” y/n warned him, she was closer than she thought, after she said that she felt her orgasm snapped through her body, a loud moan of her husband’s name escaped her lips, it feels too good.

“fuck i missed this, babygirl. taste so fucking delicious.” draco hummed as he lapping up her juices closing his eyes at the taste, he was longing for it.

draco stand up after he finished, looking at y/n who was still catching her breath, he chuckles deeply before reconnecting their lips, shoving his tongue down her throat letting her taste herself, he squeezes her ass giving it a few slaps before placing one of her legs on his waist and he starts to lining his cock on her glistening cunt. whimpers and begging came out from her mouth.

“h-holyfuck y/n feels so good” draco groans as he bottomed fully inside her letting her adjust for a second before picking up his pace, he starts to rocked in and out of her, her walls clenching and squeezing hard around him making it impossible for him to last longer.

y/n’s body bouncing up and down uncontrollably against the door, all she cares now was getting her high again and feeling her husband’s cum filling her up. she rolled her hips fucking him back, loud moan left her lips as the head of his brushing her spot, draco took a notice and pounding harder into thek spot making her seeing the stars.

“fuck fuck fuck y/n im gonna fucking come if you keep doing that.” draco wrapped both of her legs on his waist the new angle making his cock going deeper inside her, he screams her name as y/n starts to pulsing around him signaling she was close, he sneaked one of his hand and rubbed a small circle on her clit making her body jolted out at the double pleasure.

“yes- yes.. oh my god im cumming daddy!” y/n doesnt care about her words anymore as she lets her second orgasms washed over her- wait no she’s.. she just squirted all over draco.

“holy shit! that was so fucking hot.. gonna give you all of my cum until you carry my second child.. f-fuck y/n take all of me!” draco screams her name out loud as he stilled, shooting all of his semen into his wife filling her womb non stop until some of it dripped out of her but he quickly pushing it back inside not letting it go to waste.

draco is still inside her, both of their bodies shaking from their intense orgasms. y/n look up to him, sweats running on his forehead, his blonde hair messy, mouth hung open to steadying his breath, he looks like a god.

they continue their activities for a whole days, now without interruptions. rounds after rounds, on the couch, on the desk, against the walls, in their room, in the bathroom, basically everywhere in their house, it was like they were making up for the lost times.

and a month after, lucius and narcissa were given a news, that draco and y/n are expecting their second child.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

tagging : @dracoscum

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