#i cant afford a life without a career

[renytherat]

i do not want to live here anymore

[guinevereslancelot]

hm am i going insane or is it just november

[3liza]

thank you for speaking rational thought AS AN ARTIST into the ai debate. i get so tired of people over simplifying, generalizing, and parroting how they’ve been told ai works lmao. you’re an icon

some of the worst AI art alarmists are professional artists as well but theyre in very specific fields with very specific work cultures and it would take a long and boring post to explain all the nuance there but i went to the same extremely tiny, hypefocused classic atelier school in San Francisco as Karla Ortiz and am actually acquainted with her irl so i have a different perspective on this particular issue and the people involved than the average fan artist on tumblr. the latter person is also perfectly valid and so is their work, all im saying is that we have different life experiences and my particular one has accidentally placed me in a weird and relevant position to observe what the AI art panic is actually about.

first thing i did when the pearl-clutching about AI art started is go on the Midjourney discord, which is completely public and free, and spent a few burner accounts using free credits to play with the toolset. everyone who has any kind of opinion about AI art should do the same because otherwise you just wont know what youre talking about. my BIGGEST takeaway is that it is currently and likely always will be (because of factors that are sort of hard to explain) extremely difficult to make an AI like Midjourney spit out precisely wht you want UNLESS what you want is the exact kind of hyperreal, hyperpretty Artstation Front Page 4k HDR etc etc style pictures that, coincidentally, artists like Karla Ortiz have devoted their careers to. Midjourney could not, when asked, make a decent Problem Glyph. or even anything approaching one. and probably never will, because there isn't any profit incentive for it to do so and probably not enough images to train a dataset anyway.

the labor issues with AI are real, but they are the result of the managerial class using AI's existence as an excuse to reduce compensation for labor. this happens at every single technological sea change and is unstoppable, and the technology itself is always blamed because that is beneficial to the capitalists who are actually causing the labor crisis each time. if you talk to the artists who are ACTUALLY already being affected, they will tell you what's happening is managers are telling them to insert AI into workflows in ways that make no sense, and that management have fully started an industry-wide to "pivot" to AI production in ways that aren't going to work but WILL result in mass loss of jobs and productivty and introduce a lot of problems which people will then be hired to try to fix, but at greatly-reduced salaries. every script written and every picture generated by an AI, without human intervention/editing/cleanup, is mostly unusable for anything except a few very specific use cases that are very tolerant of generality. i'm seeing it being used for shovelware banner ads, for example, as well as for game assets like "i need some spooky paintings for the wall of a house environment" or "i need some nonspecific movie posters for a character's room" that indie game devs are making really good use of, people who can neither afford to hire an artist to make those assets and cant do them themselves, and if the ai art assets weren't available then that person would just not have those assets in the game at all. i've seen AI art in that context that works great for that purpose and isn't committing any labor crimes.

it is also being used for book covers by large publishing houses already, and it looks bad and resulted directly in the loss of a human job. it is both things. you can also pay your contractor for half as many man hours because he has a nailgun instead of just hammers. you can pay a huge pile of money to someone for an oil portrait or you can take a selfie with your phone. there arent that many oil painters around anymore.

but this is being ignored by people like the guy who just replied and yelled at me for the post they imagined that i wrote defending the impending robot war, who is just feeling very hysterical about existential threat and isn't going to read any posts or actually do any research about it. which is understandable but supremely unhelpful, primarily to themselves but also to me and every other fellow artist who has to pay rent.

one aspect of this that is both unequivocally True AND very mean to point out is that the madder an artist is about AI art, the more their work will resemble the pretty, heavily commercialized stuff the AIs are focused on imitating. the aforementioned Artstation frontpage. this is self-feeding loop of popular work is replicated by human artists because it sells and gets clicks, audience is sensitized to those precise aesthetics by constant exposure and demands more, AI trains on those pictures more than any others because there are more of those pictures and more URLs pointing back to those pictures and the AI learns to expect those shapes and colors and forms more often, mathematically, in its prediction models. i feel bad for these people having their style ganked by robots and they will not be the only victims but it is also true, and has always been true, that the ONLY way to avoid increasing competition in a creative field is to make yourself so difficult to imitate that no one can actually do it. you make a deal with the devil when you focus exclusively on market pleasing skills instead of taking the massive pay cut that comes with being more of a weirdo. theres no right answer to this, nor is either kind of artist better, more ideologically pure, or more talented. my parents wanted me to make safe, marketable, hotel lobby art and never go hungry, but im an idiot. no one could have predicted that my distaste for "hyperreal 4k f cup orc warrior waifu concept art depth of field bokeh national geographic award winning hd beautiful colorful" pictures would suddenly put me in a less precarious position than people who actually work for AAA studios filling beautiful concept art books with the same. i just went to a concept art school full of those people and interned at a AAA studio and spent years in AAA game journalism and decided i would rather rip ass so hard i exploded than try to compete in such an industry.

which brings me to what art AIs are actually "doing"--i'm going to be simple in a way that makes computer experts annoyed here, but to be descriptive about it, they are not "remixing" existing art or "copying" it or carrying around databases of your work and collaging it--they are using mathematical formulae to determine what is most likely to show up in pictures described by certain prompts and then manifesting that visually, based on what they have already seen. they work with the exact same very basic actions as a human observing a bunch of drawings and then trying out their own. this is why they have so much trouble with fingers, it's for the same reason children's drawings also often have more than 5 fingers: because once you start drawing fingers its hard to stop. this is because all fingers are mathematically likely to have another finger next to them. in fact most fingers have another finger on each side. Pinkies Georg, who lives on the end of your limb and only has one neighbor, is an outlier and Midjourney thinks he should not have been counted.

in fact a lot of the current failings by AI models in both visual art and writing are comparable to the behavior of human children in ways i find amusing. human children will also make up stories when asked questions, just to please the adult who asked. a robot is not a child and it does not have actual intentions, feelings or "thoughts" and im not saying they do. its just funny that an AI will make up a story to "Get out of trouble" the same way a 4 year old tends to. its funny that their anatomical errors are the same as the ones in a kindergarten classroom gallery wall. they are not people and should not be personified or thought of as sapient or having agency or intent, they do not.

anyway. TLDR when photography was invented it became MUCH cheaper and MUCH faster to get someone to take your portrait, and this resulted in various things happening that would appear foolish to be mad about in this year of our lord 2023 AD. and yet here we are. if it were me and it was about 1830 and i had spent 30 years learning to paint, i would probably start figuring out how to make wet plate process daguerreotypes too. because i live on earth in a technological capitalist society and there's nothing i can do about it and i like eating food indoors and if i im smart enough to learn how to oil paint i can certainly point a camera at someone for 5 minutes and then bathe the resulting exposure in mercury vapor. i know how to do multiple things at once. but thats me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[souvenir116]

Hun, I am supposed to be asleep, but, but, hear me out. Pianist Charles and photographer Max? Seems weird, but in my mind, it works somehow.

Like, maybe, Charles had this small performance/gig, and Max just so happened to be there for the night after days of being in an uninspired slump or whatever. And so he feels inspired, takes pictures and stuff, posts them online, the blow up, you know the usual. It ends up benefiting them both. They have this whole "we should work together" and then, after spending so much time together it's like "well I like you a lot but our whole relationship is built on just using each other so would we even work outside of that?"

Don't know if I made any sense lmao 😭 Anyhow, have a great day/night hun 🩶

STOPPP THATS PERFECT!!! Omg I'm in love with the trope of "we are actually madly in love with each other but we act like it's only for pr/ oh we are only friends of course!!"

Max being gone for Charles when he plays the piano, the passion, the serenity his aura carries as he focuses on his songs, long slim fingers, frowning slightly in concentration, and Max just- he's dead on his spot when his eyes find Charles in that huge crowded event, seeing him so effortlessly giving life to melodies, and he's mad gone from that moment.

Also him finding inspiration in Charles after days of being stuck <3 [just say I love you idiot!!]

They are working together because they both want to be good on their careers and rise ☹️☹️ They are making promo vids and Charles sometimes plays piano for Max because Max excuses it as if he wants to buy a small thing and need quick money, so they will shoot a vid, but in fact all he wants to do is watch Charles play love songs to him all night near balcony, as he watches the love of his life composing songs for him with the summer breeze washing over them 🥺🥺🥺 Maybe Charlie needs a strong big man to help him to carry when he finally is able to afford a piano for his house 🥺🥺 he immediately calls Max without a second thought

Maybe Max sometimes gets so distracted by Charles' beauty, instead of piano pics/vids, that his camera roll is full of Charles' dimples from very close up, his pretty green eyes when he looks so fond at Max, and when Max sits on his bed one day to go through the photos he had taken, he sees the pictures Charles took while Max is asleep next to him, as he smiles while laying on Max's chest and smiling like a little baby menace 🥺

Until one of them loses control and gives up on this silly game to kiss the other on the lips!!! then they realize, oh they cant stop 🤭

this is so beautiful just as you love 🥺🥺 you and your magnificent fic ideas, I'm sure it'll be a masterpiece under your pen that you'll do it hella justice ❤️❤️ wishing you a peaceful sleep and kissing the tip of your nose <3

[destinyc1020]

I dont know if its just me but Im team throuple thats literally the only thing that makes sense. All three have developed a toxic co-dependency in which they need each other, when they are not together all it leads to is chaos. The one thing that brings them together is tennis, whether what the three have is love is debatable but at its core its about the need for each other which is implied by the ending. Tashiart= loveless marriage without passion

Tashipatrick= is destructive, sexual chaos with out anything to ground it.

Patrick art: needed tashi the object of their competitive desire to help them come to terms with the fact that they love each other. Where tashi serves as their tennis ball who bounces between them. Interestingly its not until the final match that they finally understand the idea that tennis is a relationship.

Tashi/art/patrick= is the perfect balance of getting what everyone wants. Tashi gets good tennis, art still has tashi and patrick gets art and tashi.

But if we are reducing it to team art or team patrik or team tashi. Im team tashi all the way simply I know what it is to be a athlete, and losing your career that grief that comes with it is punishing, and the feeling of resentment. Like as flawed as tashi, I understand the choices she makes. She wants tennis and she wanted to recreate that same feeling she got at the us junior open. Grief bleeds into all her relationships. Art and patrick dont have the same stakes as tashi does when it comes to tennis. I cant help but empathize with tashi b/c of what she lost something the man have never experienced. The men are gifted the opportunity to fall in and out of love tennis, to get tired of it, to want a different life, tashi is not afforded that same opportunity.

Very interesting take Anon! I agree w/certain elements lol. 🥰 I think you're right, it was almost as if they all developed this weird co-dependency on each other, and basically needed each other (the throuple) in order to feel 100% fulfilled. 🥴 (although, I argue that Tashi could have felt 100% fulfilled W/OUT any of those guys had she not been injured and was still able to play tennis👀).

But if we are reducing it to team art or team patrik or team tashi. Im team tashi all the way simply I know what it is to be a athlete, and losing your career that grief that comes with it is punishing, and the feeling of resentment. Like as flawed as tashi, I understand the choices she makes.

So, you were just fine with her cheating on her husband and father of her child?? 👀🤔

Hmmm....interesting.....

[lamp-guitar]

random update

so after years of listening to the same album on their bandcamp over and over as a comfort space, i finally bought it. so here i am listening to it & getting nostalgic about my time on the net so far.

tldr, cant sleep so here's a life update

like many of us, i have art accounts and social media accounts strewn across the internet and after logging into em all, i feel compelled to post here to try n get the sleepy times a rollin'

'on the previous episode of lamp-guitar's life'

starting from the top, the end goal has always been to make a career out of my art/hobbies. and after 7 years of working at the same office as a graphic designer and saving up money, i have afforded myself a reprieve from suburban corpo drudgery and credit card debt.

world events or not im making what i want to make

and what i want to make at this point in my life is a few graphic novels, some video games and at some point in my later years, a bakery.

i dont think i lead a diogenes lifestyle, but maybe coming from a poor-ish childhood, i know that as long as i can keep creating, i can live any life and die without regrets. dramatic i know

rn i am focusing on video games as i feel i can do that with my current capabilities. so yeah this is me, updating my lil ol blog. ive developed a steady irl journaling habit & am hoping to add posting on here to that habit- so until next time!

[winderlylandchime]

3/3‘I pray for the day that i no longer hear violin music. Brian don’t give him your money, he isn’t worth it. Oh I don’t think he’s bullshiting him here about wanting him to be successful. We *points to brian and himself* arent trying to win anyone back! YES YOU DO WANT HIM! *ethan says that nazi line* OH FUCK YOU ETHAN..you know Brian actually makes sense here. Every person has survival instincts and we all in that moment when we have to decide, pick whatever keeps us alive. SO SHUSH! Oh Brian is right right! IF he was smart he would find a way, unfortunately he isn’t. If that was Brian he would do it only if it affected him alone, that’s where him and Ethan differ. Now Brian? He would find some loophole for sure. But he also wouldn’t hide for long, i mean he didn’t waste a second with that baldy. Or he would make one of his performances have gay orgy in the back…yeah. So i get what he’s saying, do your shit, get rich and make it to a point where nobody can pretend that you being gay is the reason why your career shouldn’t exist. That way YOU make the rules and you have the upper hand. I mean we had Ricky and George Michael and Lance and Elton and Rosie O’donnell and that guy from Prison Break and WE CANT FORGET ABOUT MY BOY ELLIOT! poor guy had to do it twice! (ELLIOT PAGE!!! I had no clue that that was his boy) BUT! The difference is! Ethan has *almost gags* Justin. If he was single go for it, do whatever. But forcing someone else into a closet for you? Fuck you. Thats not what Bri Bri meant, so him saying this noble line to the kazoo fucker is a little different in ways. Ya know? I mean my blondie almost died cause he was out. So that line makes sense for Brian and his life but Ethan? Nah, fuck him. But please do go on a tour somewhere far away and play music for people who want to hear it which btw *points to a paused brian and then himself* not us. NOW THAT is how you walk away from a dramatic park scene not whatever ethan was doing before’ He is now fully jamming out to Barbie Girl. ‘Second OD? Oh Ben is ODing for sure! AND HERES BEN! Foreshadowing!!’ ‘WE DONT WANT THAT FUCKER ELECTED! BRIAN WAKE UP! OH NO he’s going after Babylon. BRIAN THATS YOUR HOME’ He just groaned on top of his lungs at the sight of Ethan ‘Oh how the mighty have fallen. Justin i know someone who can afford expensive shit that you love without a problem. HE SIGNED THE DEAL DIDNT HE?! No matter what happens? OH HE IS A SLIMY LIL SHIT! (justin says why would anything happen?) Because I’ve been praying on your guys’ downfall since like 8 episodes ago. *pauses tv* see, justin. When brian had dumb shit to tell you, he would just tell you. He wouldnt give you some romantic shit to trick you and then drop the bomb. Just saying! HE SAID THE LINE! OH JUSTIN WE BOTH KNOW WHERE HE HEARD IT (he is smiling like a kid in a candy store) ARE THEY GONNA BREAK UP?! Adventure? Secret? No dude youre not asking him, youre literally shoving him into a closet.. Justin no, youre smarter than this! THIS IS NOT WHAT I WAS PLANNING! And im sure neither was Bri Bri’ ‘oh no this wannabe mayor fucker is going after Babylon. Oh Bri Bri won’t like that! (Mike sees Ben) OH MY GOD! dude. You are taking this a little to easy. So boring’ and now we are ending it on Britin again ‘JUSTIN IS BACK IN THE CLUB! Why is he wearing turtleneck sweater all of the sudden? Oh he is looking for his man Bri Bri! I CANT STAND VIOLIN MUSIC EITHER BRIAN! FINALLY SOMEONE GETS IT!(brian says the sacrifice career line)oh…oh this is a callback to Vermont isn’t it? Justin wanted him to basically forget about his job when he was almost fired over a trip. Brian is right tho. That’s not love. You can’t be with someone and make them sacrifice their life or dreams or whatever because sooner or later they will hate you for it. But damn it, i was hoping they would slowly become besties and then fuck…did you see how Brian watched him when he left but he was getting head? JUST ADMIT THAT YOU LOVE HIM!’ And now he is pissed off that he can’t watch more because he is fully convinced that they break up in 3x06

He no longer wants to hear violin music? OH MY GOD DOES HE HAVE A TREAT WAITING FOR HIM because Bri Bri feels exactly the same way.

HIS BOY IS ELLIOTT PAGE! THAT’S WHO ELLIOTT IS?!?! I AM IN LOVE.

His blondie almost died because he was out. Our guy and Daphne are on exactly the same page.

I never made the connection between the VT trip and Ethan’s contract. Interesting! I don’t disagree.

If Ethan had turned down the contract because HE didn’t want to be in the closet, that would have worked. But he was going to sacrifice his career for Justin and resent him and Justin would have felt guilty and let Ethan resent him.

I am so excited for your brother’s reaction to the break up… I’m almost giddy.

[hyeri-yah]

i cant speak for everybody, but in my personal experience, these love readings are fun and entertaining even though i dont actually believe in them 100% lmao i consume mostly love readings because that's the only thing i have no idea about. Other factors in my life such as career, friends, and personal /spiritual development have already been taken care of by myself without the need of tarot readings.

And to be honest, i cant relate to most self-love / career/ personal development readings bc i feel like they're written for specific types of people or for specific situations. For example in self love readings, many talk about setting proper boundaries, but i cant relate to it bc i already have boundaries,, really strong ones actually,, that it's already the problem,, but it's rare for me to find a reading that actually talks about that. In career readings many talk about hating your job and encourage applying for one you feel more passionate about. I cant relate to that bc i like my work and i dont want to quit.

And that's probably the biggest different between love readings and other readings. Love/ FS readings can be generic or even too good to be true, but ppl can still appreciate it and fantasize marrying a CEO in a private island even if its statistically impossible,, on the other hand, self-love/ career/ personal growth readings often need to be a little more precise/accurate for it to feel relatable to the audience. It'll be difficult for me to relate to a personal growth reading that says "i'm too nice for my own good" which I definitely am not lmao while it will be difficult for those newly employed to relate to a reading that says "you're going to get promoted soon!"

In essence :

love / FS readings = can afford to be generic / tropey / essentially low stakes

self-love/ career/ personal growth readings = need to be a little more specific to resonate / can really affect significant life decisions

I hope I make sense. Not that I hate those kinds of readings, in fact I do love to consume them from time to time. But it's really difficult to find ones that i can relate to, and im sure others feel the same way as well. I'd rather think or talk about serious topics with friends or mentors who know me and guide me, than rely on readings that I could or could not resonate with.

When did tarot become just about future spouses and love readings? What happened to the deep, introspective readings that help with self-improvement, personal growth, and valuable life advice? Lately, it seems like 70-80% of tarot readings are focused solely on predicting who your next partner will be or when you'll meet your future spouse.

I get it , it's normal to be curious about your future spouse. In today's world, it's become almost mainstream to seek out these kinds of answers. But here's the thing: before you can build a lasting relationship with someone else, you have to work on yourself. Without doing that inner work, even if you do meet your soulmate, the relationship might not last.

As a tarot reader, I’ve noticed how readings that focus on self-love, personal growth, or practical advice often get overlooked. They don’t receive as much attention or interaction, and they can easily get lost in the flood of love readings. But these readings are crucial because they lay the foundation for a truly fulfilling relationship. Self-love is more important than romantic love, and it’s the key to making any relationship thrive.

I’m not trying to be harsh, but ask yourself: how do you expect to meet your future spouse if you're not putting in the work on yourself? Watching endless love readings while doing nothing to improve your own life won’t bring you closer to the relationship you want. In fact, it might even be making your situation worse by keeping you stuck in a cycle of waiting and hoping without taking action.

[1279777]

Good Bye

I just took off, for my new job in Dubai. Until now it seems like the obvious choice to take.I meant, my career is going nowhere, indonesia's economy looks like going to have a rough time in couple years ahead, more expenses for rami needs like his therapy, maybe go to school, and others.Lately everything seems no longer affordable, even with nadias and my income, we still cant save anything, And after ramis therapy we even need to use our savings.I am a bit regretting that we took that new car, eventough we were very happy with it. It just 4million a month is a lot for usAnd we need to start paying for our apartment like 2million. After living rent free for some yearsI think there are like maybe hundreds of reasons why i need to take this job. Also, working abroad has been my dream since i was a little. Because my dad did that too.It was very obvious to take this job.I would really hate myself and regret it if i didnt.But boy, leaving nadia and rami without knowing for sure when i can get to see them again is awful.This feeling is really killing meI dont even know where to start,Saying goodbye, kissing them, look at nadia in tears, thats awfully hurts.Since we moved in together after our marriage i always go back to her, going home knowing that she is waiting me. I know that sometimes there is a feeling of being annoyed by her things, but i would really miss that like a lotAnd ramiOh mann i dont know what to startI really dont knowI think im about to cry Being a parent is really really hard, but the joy that you got is even harder. Like a lottRami is a special boy, i know he would be okay. There are his grandparents, the nanny, and also nadia.I think i need him more than he needs meI just cant imagine like going home without seeing him while eating his dinner, or playing his toys, or sleeping with his stomach out of his pajamas.I just cant imagine if he is asking why i am not coming home today, and wondering when ill be back, asking if it is tomorrow or the day after. And nadia just gonna say "later"He is probably just gonna forget about it and than continue to play with his toysBut oh man this feels really really awfulI meant in his whole life, his whole 3 years, i was part of his life. Suddenly i am goneMaybe we can still di video call, or other But i dont think it will have the same meaning to him.I just cant think that my presence will be less meaningful to him. From a father that always there for him to be just a video call guy that he meet once or twice in a year.I hate how my dad went to the US without taking his family, maybe he has his own reason, but i hated it how he let me grow up without a father figure. Ironically now i do the same thing to rami.I really hope that this is really temporary, i really hope that we can reunited in a year.I really hope that rami theraphy would be success, and he is getting smarter, so nadia can easily take him to live with me in Dubai.Even for the worst case, i can still go back to Indonesia after a year or two. Saving enough money to buy a house or for ramis school. And we can enjoy our mundane life together lying on the bed on sunday morning. Laughing to each otherI miss their laugh alreadyWhy is this really hard?Maybe rami is taking his lunch right now, I hope rami become better at everything.I hope nadia iss doing okaySince shes with his parents, things would be feel easier to her.Please, be fineI really hope they are We did have a proper farewell, we went to taman mini to see birds and reptiles, Rami had a great time. We were having a great time.And the last three days, we spend our days together, just the three of us. It was niceI cant asking for a better farewell.But i dont know, it still feels not enough.

[triciaeraestudyblr]

Lessons I learned after losing 50,000php. (I had it back.)

Disclaimer: this is not because of gambling, not a scam, not hacked, not robbed the cause was pure business failure. (Failure is inevitable in business and life.)

This story is by far the scariest I experienced but I love how it was still filled wisdom. Otake that learning with me for the rest of my career.

As a risk taker, go getter, unstopable girl what happened taught me to take my time, slow down, reflect, re evaluate everything and be cautious.

Some of the most well-known entrepreneurs out there today failed miserably before they succeeded.

I am one of the most frugal person during the first year of working I know that there should be a lot of delayed gratification especially if you're like me who aims to build and live life independently.

I am aware of different advises such as:

Live beneath your means

Don't go broke trying to look rich

Never put all eggs in one basket

Success takes time, hard work and consistency.

Do not let other people borrow money you cant afford to lose

Know the people you are helping, investing and doing business with.

Not everyone has the same heart like you.

not a scam because I only invest in people I know

Hence,the very important lessons I learned. for sure will help me and

Mistakes are part of the process

This is a major finance mistake I had at first it was hard to admit and

This is part of the process.

24 Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.

Proverbs 13:24

19 Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent. -Revelations 3:19

take that learning with me for the rest of my career.”

2. God won't put you in a situation without preparing you for it.

The night before I knew I lost my 50,000

"The calm before the storm."

hours before I knew about it my former students visited me at work.

I was giddy happy.

I received a message that

I got off the call and I was in shock. I was out in the middle of nowhere on this TV show and no way to get home. No way to even cry. I felt sick. I felt worse than sick

3. Ask God for wisdom

I didn't asked anyone's for advise about one decision I made and I made it hastly, the danger of relying on your own understanding without seeking God first

Proverbs 19:20-21

Hear counsel, and receive instruction, that thou mayest be wise in thy latter end.

 There are many devices in a man's heart; nevertheless the counsel of the Lord, that shall stand.

4. Never lose sight of what is important.

I didn't get mad , that 50,000php was something I poured my time, efforts to earn.

“I forgot what was REALLY important in life. Me. Health. Family. Sometimes you become so focused on business that you stop paying attention to the other things and in my case it was so detrimental I almost lost everything. I had a successful multi-million pound business, but I almost lost my wife, my children, and I suffered a breakdown. It made me re-evaluate everything. 

5.  only do business with people you respect and like. A lot. I was scared. But I knew this: I had been through worse things in business (well…almost) and I had always bounced back

: I was alive. Might as well enjoy it. Might as well love it. Might as well immerse myself in it. The horror of losing $9 million might change my bank account. But what a story!”

5. God will never leave you empty, he can restore and replace everything you that has been lost.

Job 5: 17-18

17 “Blessed is the one whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty.

18 For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal.

[grippingbeskar]

had you said the words

obi-wan kenobi x fem!reader

word count: 7.5k

warnings: ADULT CONTENT MINORS DNI (oral m and f receiving, general sexual content, obi-wan is a virgin but they don’t actually fuck but yeah) swearing, think that’s it??

a/n: obi wan i love youuUuUuUu. okay in honour of the show coming out i am finally letting go of this lil thing I made. i wrote it months ago but never felt like it was good enough to post but here we are!! im feeling okay about how it turned out so i hope u enjoy and if you didn’t just lie and say you did!!! also this is inspired by that one line from the clone wars u know the one. okay that’s enough goodbye!

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

“This is ridiculous! You can’t do this!” You shout to the Jedi council. In front of you is some of the galaxy’s most respected members, the most seasoned generals from the clone wars, and yet not a single one seems to be able to see reason.

“We must. For the good of the Jedi.” Mace Windu says from the corner of the room, not meeting your eye. Your face drops, unable to comprehend their callousness.

“How could you? You know me. I would never jeopardise my career. This is what I’ve done my entire life! I-’

“This isn’t permanent, however the council has made a decision. We cannot afford to have a Jedi falter in their cause - not now, in the middle of a war.” Plo Kloon says, empathy guarded behind the crushing words. So that was that. All this over one decision.

You made one mistake.

One.

During the heat of battle, you lost sight of your focus, lost control, all because of one particular member of the council who sits in front of you now, saying nothing. Obi-Wan cant even look at you, and you dont know if its because of disappointment or if he just doesn’t care as much as you thought he would. Maybe he agrees with them. A sense of anger washed over you and you see him fidget in his chair, locking eyes with you for the first time since the council called session.

“He would have died.” Your voice shakes as you tilt your head towards Obi Wan Kenobi, leaving his gaze to find the rest of the council staring at you. “I saw the situation and reacted. I only did what I had to - to save him.”

“Had to, you did?” Master Yoda croaks from next to Mace, and you shudder a breath under his accusation, but nod.

“Yes.” The council all look at you, well, all except Kenobi, who’s knuckles are going white gripping the side of his chair, and nod. You bow your head, knowing you are fighting a losing battle, and spin to leave the room.

“You are one of the best of us, child. We know you meant no harm, but this is the Jedi way.” Kit calls and you dont get a chance to respond as the doors shutter behind you.

You were heartbroken. All day you had been turning over the events of yesterday in your head, trying to see a way out - another way you could have saved his life without compromising your career. There was none.

It started out as any battle did, the longevity of the Clone wars hardening most Jedi to become seasoned generals. Anakin and Ahsoka took troops around the back to catch the droids from behind, while you and Kenobi engaged the main platoon. It was going well - even perfect, you and Kenobi working seamlessly together, able to read each others minds, know the others thoughts without ever having to look at each other. It had been that way since he found you on Corellia, a teenager with a strong connection to the force and an attitude to boot. He trained you - in spite of everyone who told him you were a lost cause, showed you the ways of the Force and watched you grow into one of the best Jedi in the Republic - you were part of the reason he took a chance on Anakin. 

Either way, no matter how well you knew each other, you never could have expected what happened next.

Breaking the droid lines, you breached their hold. This was the main prize, for it contained the systems that held hundreds of documents detailing the battle regiments of the droids entire army, including exact numbers, weaponry and AT-AT deployments. What neither of you knew was that they had one last surprise set up.

As Obi-Wan entered the hold, you could both feel something was off immediately. You told him as much, and said you should wait for Anakin and Ahsoka to arrive so you could go in together and scan for entities. Obi Wan was convinced there was no time, the droids already beginning to regroup outside the hold. He wasn’t wrong, you could feel them caging you in, but he had always taught you to be patient; to clear your mind before rushing into battle. The role reversal threw you off guard as he pushed forward into the hold.

You still felt uneasy, but you didn’t argue and stepped inside with him. It was huge, monotone walls shutting you into a sphere shaped room, two steel doors that shuttering behind you. As Obi-Wan took one more step, you both heard the click at the same time, heads snapping to find each other’s eyes, and you didn’t even think before you reacted. 

Obi-Wan turned and threw himself at you before you even got a glimpse of the explosive. Within seconds you knew he would be blown to pieces, but his body would shield the blast from you and the board of computers behind you, which contained the information the entire mission was hinged on. Time stood still. This is what is was to be a Jedi - to sacrifice yourself for the greater good, the bigger cause, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care.

Obi-Wan looked down at you, and his eyes were so piercing - so satisfied in his decision to die so that you will live, and you felt him through the Force, a warm longing drifting into your heart. You knew what he was saying; all the words you could never speak out loud, the thoughts you were too afraid to have in fear he would reject them. It was his final goodbye - and you couldn’t take it.

You threw out your hand, finding the explosive through the Force and flinging it behind you, right behind the computers main frame. The blast went off a split second later, shattering the entire set up and motherboard. The information would be gone, a shimmering snow of computer parts and wires falling around you. All you could focus on, though, was how Obi-Wans’ hand had come up to cup the side of your face, and how warm his skin was against your cheek, the failure of the mission worth every second of contact.

“You saved me.” He had said, voice a whisper under the still falling pieces of the destructed technology. You just nodded, and he didn’t move from on top of you, reminding you how it would have been the other way around had you acted half a second later, and he would have been dead. 

His eyes were filled with an emotion you have seen a few times before, but you don’t know what it is. You only know that when he looks at you like that, your heart beat shoots into your throat, and every feeling you tried to lock away when you became a Jedi fights its way back to the surface. 

Once Anakin and Ahsoka arrived, they found you both in amongst the rubble, and it wasn’t until the shock had surpassed that you realised you were both all cut up from the debris. They brought you back to the main base, and you weren’t thinking straight, immediately spilling about how you sustained these injuries. You put Obi-Wans life above the Jedi cause, and even though you knew you would get in trouble for it, you couldn’t hide from the truth.

What you hadn’t expected was Obi-Wans complete silence. He hadn’t spoken to you since you arrived back to base, and you were sure he was just preparing for the council meeting where he would back you, abide by your decision, or at the very least say something. He didn’t. Anakin and Ahsoka tried their best to influence the council, but neither of them held the power to do much. Anakin was still not yet a Master Jedi, and Ahsoka; although she had the attitude of one, was not yet a general.

So now you were marching back to your room, empty halls of the ship seeming colder and colder the further you get from Obi-Wan. You knew what you did betrayed the sacred oath you made the day you put on your Jedi robes. Jedi did not make emotional connections, the order had to be put first, and the good of the galaxy depended on it. You knew you risked countless lives by losing that critical information, and you knew you would be reprimanded.

You didn’t regret it though.

You were always a rule breaker, a little bit of a rebel in regards to the orders strict guidelines on that kind of behaviour - how were you to truly care about the galaxy if you had no one in it to protect? It was human nature to form connections - and practically impossible not to care in the case of Obi-Wan’s life. Did they expect you not to attempt to save him, even when there was a way to do so?

Obi-Wan was one of the many times you broke the rules. You were infatuated with him ever since you met him - he was significantly older than you, yes, although not by so much it would be deemed inappropriate. You were both adults, so it was more your occupations that kept you from admitting your feelings. He found you on Corellia, sacrificed his time and patience to mould you into the perfect fighter, fought for your right to train beside the Jedi even with your training being so late. He stuck up for you your entire life, and it made his silence that much more painful. 

You finally trudged through the ship far enough to find your room, and as you go to enter, you feel two familiar figures come up behind you, and a female voice calls your name.

“We were waiting outside, but they made us leave after they called the session.” Ahsoka says, and she reaches out to hold your arm, careful to miss the bandage holding you together. 

“It’s fine. Nothing happened we didn’t already know would happen.” You knew they would remove your titles - take away your leadership of your battlement. It was a glorified way of grounding you, sending you to your room as if you were a child.

“What of Obi-Wan? There has to be a way to change their mind. He has to be trying.” Anakin says, shaking his head. Him and his master have always gotten along, and their bond is one that rivals brothers, but you know Anakin takes after you in the attitude department, so as he paces up and down the corridor, you know he’s as pissed as you.

“What of him? He couldn’t even look at me. I don’t think he even blinked the entire session.” You scoff, and even Ahsoka shakes her head, more confused than angry.

“He’s going to have to speak up sometime.” Ahsoka says, and releases your arm.

“He will if I have anything to say about it. Padmè will talk to the council about the diplomatic influence, she’s already speaking to the other generals. We will have you back out there in no time.” Anakin’s eyes are fiery, and you smile at the man who was once a boy, small and unsure now so confident and clear.

“If he wanted to, he would of. Thank you, both of you for your help, but I’m just going to have to ride this one out. There’s nothing I can do about it now.” Both of them look at you with the same sympathetic frown, and you would laugh at how similar they are if you weren’t feeling so defeated.

“For what it’s worth, I would have done the same thing.” Anakin says, and he steps forward. You know he’s talking about Padmè, and you nod, a mutual understanding of the conflicting emotions of the Jedi way. They both turn to leave, and you can hear the hushed conversation of their plan as they round the corner.

You enter your room and fall onto the bed, the air rushing out as soon as your head hits the pillow. The past few days have been entirely exhausting, and you weren’t just thinking about the cuts and bruises that now littered your skin. This little incident has forced you to really own up to your feelings towards Obi-Wan. The way you felt when you were faced with the possibility of him dying tore you to shreds, and the strength of those emotions were impossible to draw up to just an admiration of a friend, or a small crush born of gratitude. You were in love with him, and you had been for a while. You knew it was wrong and you wanted to fight it, fight the feeling you drowned in whenever he was in the room, whenever he smiled at you or pulled you away to talk about battle plans, knowing no one else would understand the way he thinks but you.

It also forced you to think about how he may feel about you. He reacted so quickly, throwing himself on top of you when the explosive dropped, and the look in his eye told you he wouldn’t of regretted dying for you. His Force - the energy you knew so well felt different - like he was reaching into your body and touching everything inside you, giving you no option but to yield to him. The intensity of it - it was nothing you had ever felt before.

It made it hard to breathe, thinking about that. Would he have ever felt the same? He was one of the most accomplished Jedi in the galaxy, surely there was no way he would return those feelings, right?

It was impossible - you and him, for so many reasons, the main one being how you were now banned from fighting, banned from council meetings and practically shunned from the Republic just for presenting the idea that he meant more to you than you let on. One mistake, you said to yourself, but you weren’t entirely sure it was a mistake.

Your eyes began to close, and even with everything in your life being pulled apart, you can’t help but drift off. Your energy is drained, and maybe that’s why after you fall into a deep sleep, you don’t feel Obi-Wan’s presence at your door before he knocks, softly, almost as if he doesn’t want you to hear it.

You know its him as soon as you open your eyes, able to recognise his energy anywhere, but when he says your name, you throw the blanket off and move to open the door.

Dull lights from the hallway don’t show you any emotions on his face. It has to be the middle of the night. His hair is out of place and he looks so unlike himself. He is almost always put together, in his robes and armed with his lightsaber, but he stands in front of you in just a few layers and no weapon to be seen.

“Wh- What are you doing?” He shifts his weight onto the other leg and finally looks at you.

“I needed to see you. The council held me all day. May I?” He motions to behind you. Was he asking to come in to your room, at three in the morning? After what has just happened?

“I don’t know if thats a good idea, considering.” Your voice is small. The truth is that you do want him to come in, more than you’ve wanted anything. To have him in close quarters, all to yourself - it’s what you’ve wanted for years, and you hate that you have to sound even slightly hesitant.

“If you don’t want to see me, I understand. I’ll go.” He steps backwards and your hand shoots forward to grab the wrist of his robe before you can think.

“No! I do.” Damn, you folded fast under those puppy dog eyes he was giving you. You step out, looking left and right. The hallway is completely empty, and you dont have long before the skeleton crew of night guards come back through on their rotation. “Come.”

He moves swiftly past you and closes the door behind him, you going to sit on the edge of your bed. You sigh, trying to get a hold of the swirling array of emotion twisting in your stomach. It felt similar to wanting to puke. On one hand you want to scream at him, demand him to answer for the way he acted, or rather didn’t act in the council meeting.

On the other, you want to take advantage of this time. You have already lost the one thing that kept you from admitting your feelings to him, what more could you lose? You don’t get a chance to decide, because he speaks first, standing in front of you.

“I wanted to apologise. The way that I behaved today - it was cowardly. I should have spoken sooner.” You were nodding, but when he says sooner you look up at him and tilt your head. “When the council dismissed you, I felt the true consequence of my actions. I ordered a reconsideration.”

That makes your eyes widen a little. The thought of the Obi-Wan Kenobi arguing with the entire council on your behalf makes the heat in your cheeks heavier, and you look away, hoping he can’t sense it.

“A reconsideration?” You repeat, and he nods.

“Yes. I was afraid I may of found my bearings too late, but I explained how your actions were only fuelled by your respect for me, and that you would have done the same for any council member had they been in my place. I know how much you respect the order and your superiors, and I told them as much. We have a… unique connection, something other people might not completely comprehend. I explained as best I could.” You blink, trying to take in every word, but you are stuck on the first part. Your actions weren’t fuelled by respect. Your heart acted before your mind did, and he had just lied to the council for you, because he knew it too.

“I find it hard to imagine you had anything to say, considering you stayed so silent during the three hours of my own hearing.” Anger bubbles up your chest at his dismissing statement, and he rubs his hands over his face.

“I apologise. I was - not in the right mind to speak. I was afraid I would only make the situation worse.” His voice shakes slightly as he stops talking.

“So, you lied.” 

“I did not lie. You deserve your place, on the battle field and on that council one day. I will not let this incident ruin your career. Not over something like this.” The unsaid words hang in the air, thick as smoke.

Not over me.

“You did lie. You told them I did it out of respect.” You can’t look at him, nerves starting to break up that anger you felt as his voice gets softer. He says your name again, and you take a deep breath, preparing yourself for his response.

“I also told them about what I did. You are not the only one who acted on instinct. I was unprepared; arrogant even. I should have listened to you.” You scoff and shake your head. “Tell me how I can make this right.”

“Look, whats done is done. Thank you for speaking in my favour, but the council has made up their minds.” Defeated, and convinced you weren’t going to hear what you so desperately wanted to hear, you move further away from him on the bed and let your back rest against the wall. He was quiet for a moment, letting you sigh and sink into the wall. Maybe he thought you were going to continue - he seemed to be anticipating something. After a while, though, he starts to fidget and shifts his weight to the other side again.

“I know you have more to say to me. Argue with me; yell at me, if you must. Just speak to me.” He finally speaks. You dont remember ever seeing him this unsteady. You sigh again and find his eyes, already looking at you, pleading.

“You threw yourself at me. You would have died today if I hadn’t thrown that explosive. Do you really expect me to believe you also did that out of respect for the Jedi?” His face doesn’t change, he doesn’t even move. “Because I didn’t. I didn’t think about the Jedi, or the information on those computers. I wasn’t even thinking about myself. I thought of you. I wanted to save you.” The confession sheds a weight of your shoulders you didn’t even know you were carrying, and your mouth is suddenly dry as Obi-Wan continues to stare at you. He goes to speak and his voice cracks, so he swallows hard and tries again.

“I wanted to save you too.” You think you stopped breathing. “If you had gone in first, you would have.... It would have been my fault. I couldn’t bare it; to lose you would destroy everything.” Your eyebrows furrow together and you slide off the bed, standing only a few steps from him.

“Destroy your plan to get me on the council?” 

“It would destroy me.” You see it beginning to crack; the fragile glass ceiling that kept your deepest secrets below. You suck in a breath as his voice cracks and he keeps talking somehow. “What you said, about lying to the council. You are right. You know I respect you as a general, and I want all those things I spoke about for you. I want to provide that for you. To think you would lose that because of me - it couldn’t happen.”

It couldn’t happen.

This, the heat swirling in between you in the dimly lit room, it couldn’t happen. It would mean the destruction of both of your lives, and you knew that. You never expected him to say any of this in front of the council, but a small part of you dared to hope he would say it to you. 

“I understand.” Your head drops, and you see his hand rise up, and a finger coming underneath your chin. Your breath hitches as he gently brings your face back up to his, the warmth of his skin a welcomed return. This was it. The crossing of the invisible line. It felt so much easier to do now that you were here. You resist the urge to press into his touch.

“I lied to the council, but I am not sure how much longer I can lie to myself.” His eyes search yours for any sign of confusion, or resentment, or anything other than the heavy longing that has been building over years and years of close proximity. However, its you who hesitates this time, although you dont pull away.

“Obi, this - I won’t let you risk your position for this. Mine is already at threat, we can’t - I know what the order means to you. I couldn’t - ”

“Had you said the words, I would have left the Jedi Order.” Your heart flutters and your stomach drops. Left? “I nearly lost you yesterday and I - I don’t know what to do. How can I continue on this path when I feel this way? The one thing that feels right - how can it be viewed as so wrong?” You step towards him this time, wanting to be closer.

“You mean you-”

“When I threw myself over you yesterday, it was because I couldn’t imagine living in this galaxy if you were not by my side. You are the only thing worth more than this. Any of this. I want - truely, I want to serve the republic - the planets, bring aid and peace where I can and protect those who cannot fend for themselves. It is all I’ve wanted my entire life. I never knew I could- that I would want anything else- until I met you.” You bring your hand to cover his own on your face, and he closes his eyes when your hands thread together.

“You won’t have to leave this behind. I swear. I’ll talk to the council, admit it was my fault. We can figure this out, together.” You can’t compute his confession, not yet, not when he’s going down this road of throwing everything he’s worked for out the vat - for you.

“You will do no such thing.” Your face is screwed up with worry and your anxiety of the danger of confessing your feelings is creeping up, but you feel his energy mixing with your own, and he is so calm and steady it makes your hands stop shaking.

“I care for you, too. A little too much, I think.” He smiles for the first time in days, absorbing the heat of your words and letting them sink into his skin. “We- we just need time. We can figure this out. Let this whole thing settle down first.” You nod at your own plan and hold his hand tighter to your face, not wanting the contact to end.

“Whatever you want, I will make sure of it. I will not silence myself again, I swear it.” You smile this time, and his thumb comes to run over your bottom lip. His eyes widen with the contact, as if he’s surprised by his own actions.

“I know why you did now. You didn’t want them to think it was true. Because you already knew how I felt about you, didn’t you?” You smile a little and he mirrors it.

“You were never all that proficient at hiding how you feel. It took everything in me to cover your anger during the session.” You think of how he was so concentrated, looking almost in pain as he watched you in silence. “But yes, I have known of your feelings for a while, although I wasn’t sure if they were aimed at me.” You step forward again, and you can feel his chest against yours, robes brushing your bare arms.

“How long?”

“A few months. My own - affections, however, have been stirring for quite longer, if I am honest with myself.” He almost sounds ashamed, and you want to punch every single council member for making him feel that way.

“If it makes you feel better, I have definitely had a crush on you for longer than that.” He breaths out a laugh, and you feel it on your cheeks. 

“Is that so?” You loved this side of him, teasing and lighthearted. It was rarer these days, but it made you feel warm inside that he let you see it.

“Don’t let it go to your head.” You roll your eyes and grin at him, and he closes the distance between you. He doesn’t kiss you, but he’s close enough that if you stuck your chin out just a fraction, your lips would touch. Your legs feel like jelly and you are sure he can feel how nervous you are through the energy you must be putting out, but you never hide it. Not from him. You hear him swallow, and you keep your eyes closed.

Just in case.

“I don’t know what this is.” He says, his honesty making you feel a lot more at ease. Neither of you have any idea how to play this, of what is too far. All you know is how badly you want him to kiss you.

“Neither do I.” He nods and leans his forehead to yours. Now all you would have to do is tilt your head, and you could finally feel him against you how you have wanted to all these years. “We can just- go slow. Okay?”

“Slow.” He says and you can feel him sigh, and then he moves. He tilts his head. You stay deadly still, afraid to scare him off. As much as you both are completely inexperienced, you are pretty sure he has less an idea than you do. You were 19 when he found you, and didn’t become a Jedi until two years after, so you had some time to experiment in that department, but from what you know, Obi-Wan has been dedicated since childhood - something you admire about him.

His breathing picks up and his lips brush against yours. He was right there, all you had to do was move. He makes a small sound in the back of his throat and you cant contain yourself anymore. You move your head to capture his mouth in yours.

The kiss is as perfect as any first kiss you could imagine. It was sweet, no tongue, just slow, simple movements as you both explore the feeling of each other. His free hand comes to your hip on instinct, pressing you harder against him. He clearly wasn’t prepared for his own action again, a moan of surprise vibrating against your lips as your bodies come together. You move both of your arms around his neck, one tangling in his messy hair.

As you start to find a rhythm, the hand on your hip gets tighter, needing you to be closer, to touch more of him. You need it too, and as much as you wanted to rip his clothes off right now, your sense of urgency is dulled by the unknown of if this would ever happen again, so you were going to be as slow and explorative as possible. 

You swipe your tongue along his bottom lip, and you feel him jolt a little under the movement. It sends warmth through your entire body to know how affected he is by you, and it only makes you want to give him more. You owed everything to him, your entire life, and you wanted to show him just how much you appreciated him. 

He opens up to you and you slide into his mouth, the feeling of him moving against you making you moan. The sound mades him tense, and he gets a little more desperate with his movements, kissing you a little harder and walking to back you up against the bed. You spin and push him back, and his legs give out so he sits on the edge.

He looks up at you, chest heaving. He extends his arms and you take the hint, straddling him and bringing your mouth back to his. Both of his hands stay off your ass, one coming back on your hip, which you think he likes because he can create the tiniest amount of friction between you, the other resting on the small of your back. You keep your arms around his neck and he twists his head a little, inching your hand back up into his hair. You smile a little and oblige him, twisting your fingers through the soft strands. 

You start to feel him harden underneath you, but you don’t want to push him. Instead, you just follow the grip on your hip and start to move when he does, grinding against him ever so slightly. He moans instantly, a deep, low sound that vibrates to your bones. You do it again, and he gasps, so you tear your lips away from him to let him breath. His mouth chases yours and you giggle.

“I don’t think I will ever get enough of that.” He murmurs as he kisses your nose. You roll your hips again and his spine straightens, capturing your lips in another kiss. “Or that.”

“So greedy.” He laughs and kisses you again, and you can tell he’s not really sure where to go from here as his grip begins to loosen on your hip. “Have you ever..?”

He shakes his head, and drops his forehead to your chest. You let the tips of your fingers lightly scrape against his scalp and he ‘hmms’ under his breath, enjoying the sensation but also hiding from you.

“Thats okay. We don’t have to do anything. I just want to be with you right now. Whatever that means.” He looks up and kisses you again. You know what this would mean, the final nail in the coffin for him.

Technically, its the emotional connection that the Jedi do not allow. The physical side of things is not forbidden, as long as there is no relationship, although most Jedi observe celibacy as a general rule. You have since you met him, it would have been impossible for you to have one without the other. 

The movement of your hips is not the problem for him, though. It’s the fact that you both know there is more here than just a physical attraction. You admitted it. This would be breaking the code.

You only care right now if he does.

“I want- Maker. I want to. This is-“ He talks and cuts himself off by kissing you, never finishing a sentence. You look up and laugh and he just kisses your throat, turning to kiss your neck when you look to the side. You stop laughing when you feel his arms wrap around you tighter and a slight scrape of his teeth against the spot that makes you shiver. He pulls back to look at you, and then does it again, kissing and scraping his teeth, biting experimentally.

You can tell he’s enjoying it, and he spends a while moving himself up and down your neck, finding all the little places that make you gasp and hum.

“Oh, Obi. Shit.” Your head drops to his shoulder and your hips start to move on their own. He keeps kissing your neck, starting to suck and bite in the spot he seems to have deemed his favourite. He moans against your skin, and a small fire in the pit of your stomach sparks and warms your entire body. You pull on his hair again, and his hips buck slightly.

“This is okay?” He says against you and you nod and roll your hips again.

“Yes. Yes.” He continues, and that same shiver goes up your spine.

“You are so soft.” His nose drags along your throat and your mouth drops open.

“Can I- Can I touch you?” You ask desperately and he pulls away from your skin, nudging your head up to find your eyes.

“You want to?” He seems genuinely curious, and you nod. Your hands come to his chest and you slide them up to his shoulders, bringing the two layers of robes off his shoulders slowly, giving him ample time to stop you. He helps to pull them off, and then you bring his hands to your shirt. His eyes widen a little at the thought, but you see him try to regain composure.

“Do you want to?” He grabs the hem of your shirt and fists the material.

“Please.” He breaths out and pulls your shirt over your head slowly, goosebumps appearing where his fingertips brush your skin. When the shirt finally comes off he lets his eyes trail along your now exposed skin, just a small bralette holding you from him. You lean back a little so both of his hands can find your ribs, and they run strong lines up and down your sides.

“So soft.” He repeats and you begin to melt into his lap.

You bring your hands to the hem of his shirt, and he clearly is not as patient as you, his own coming over the top and whipping the shirt over his head. You have seen him without his shirt before, sometimes after training he would tear it off before he disappears into his room and you would get a glimpse of his back, but now you were up close and could look as much as you want.

He was built; bigger than he looks under all those robes, and you run your hands over the hard muscle, wanting to remember the feeling of every inch. He keeps one hand on your rib cage and brings the other to your chin to kiss you again.

“You are beautiful.” He whispers, and your heart sparks at the compliment.

“So are you.” You return and he smiles into the kiss. Your hand finds the hem of his pants, fingertips dancing along the seam and he sucks in a deep breath. “We don’t have to do anything. Tell me if you want to stop, okay?”

“Have you done this? Before.” As much as you want to tell him no if only to make him relax, you can’t lie to him. You nod your head.

“Not for a while. Not since I met you.” This sparks something in his eye, and you would never have picked him for a possessive guy, but it seems he likes the idea of him being the reason you haven’t.

“I have not. I am not sure I know-“

“Anything you do is perfect. Just relax, okay? Let me make you feel good.” He tilts his head as you slide off him, and sits up a little to come with you. You just stop him with your hands on his thighs, and slip your fingers into the waistline of his pants.

You aren’t sure how you manage to be so patient with the way he’s looking at you - eyes wide and bottom lip between his teeth, but you wait. Wait for him to say stop, or to bring you back into his lap and change the direction. He does neither, and you pull ever so slightly, revealing skin you’ve never seen before. You tilt your head up at him and he just nods repeatedly, moving his hips in a silent plea.

“Oh, Maker. What do I d-” With another deep breath, his eyes flutter closed and then back open, trying to figure out if he wants to watch or just feel you. You slide his pants down a little more and you can see how hard he is already. You look up at him again, and he’s staring so intently that you feel he would have said something if he wanted you to stop. His energy is warm around you, like nothing you’ve ever felt and it is full of curiosity and heat. You pull his pants down past his knees.

Sliding in between his legs you bring your face closer to his length, and your breath is hot against his skin. His pants drop to his ankles and he quickly kicks them off.

You start slow, placing a kiss to the inside of his thigh, and his hips jolt in response. You laugh breathlessly, and decide there will be plenty of time to tease him later.

You were going to make this so good for him that he will never be able to think of anything else when he looks at you.

You start at his head, kissing him gently. Then, finding his eyes you lick a long stripe up him from base to tip. He strangles a moan, and his eyes never leave you as you take the tip of him into your mouth and suck gently.

“I-oh maker. Fuck.” You can see the way every part of his body relaxes under your manipulation, and a rush of heat floods your body. Something about Obi-Wan swearing, coming undone because of you makes your own arousal begin to grow, but you try to focus all your energy on him. You stay there for a while, gently sucking and letting your tongue swipe over him, enjoying the little moans he makes every time you do so.

When your sure he’s relaxed, you look up at him again and spit, bringing your hand up to coat his length, making it as wet as you can. His eyes roll back at the image, and every time your hand works him his hips buck to meet you.

You take him into your mouth and hollow your cheeks, letting him fuck your face as much as he wants. He was acting off pure instinct, it’s still slow and a little uncertain but he starts to go a little deeper when he feels you moan around his length, a wordless plea for him to take what he needs. A hand finds your hair, not to push you down but just to hold, a reminder of where he is. The other arm supports his weight as he no longer holds himself up, and you pull off of him after a few strokes, saliva coating your mouth.

“How does it feel?” His eyes are squeezed shut and his abs are flexing so hard he almost looks like he’s in pain. You don’t know why it didn’t occur to you before, but he’s probably also never had an orgasm. It makes you want to work even harder, make him feel even better, so you take him back inside your mouth before he answers.

“So go-ah! So good. Stars- You feel so good. How are you so good?” He’s completely lost in his own pleasure and it makes you feel all tingly in your stomach. You try to keep your eyes on him and work him faster, grip him harder as you push to get him over the edge. You keep pumping him in your hand as your mouth comes off him to catch your breath for a second.

“I can make you feel so much better.” You take him back into your mouth, and the sounds of him inside of you are only muffled by how loud he is, moaning your name and strangled cries every time he hits the back of your throat. Small tears start to form in your eyes but you keep going, every sound he makes only making you feel hotter. You can feel him everywhere - and when you start to take him as deep as you can, he hits the back of your throat once and he shudders.

“Wait! St-stop. Wait.” Immediately you pull off him, and you can see how fucking close he was, the tip of him leaking pre cum and his entire body shaking.

“What’s wrong? Are you ok?” He nods, trying to catch his breath. You wipe your mouth with your thumb, and slip it into your mouth wanting to savour the taste of him.

“Something feels - strange. I don’t know wh-” He’s breathing so hard it takes him a moment to get the words out in a way you understand - but you know. You know exactly what he’s going to say, and save him from his clear embarrassment when you lean up to whisper on his ear.

“Good strange? Or bad?”

“I can’t- good. Overwhelming; I can’t feel a-anything else.” He sounds a little worried, but the pleasure is evident in how he drags out his words. He’s worried because he can’t feel the familiar safety of the Force when his mind goes blank.

“It’s- it’s okay. I promise. Relax, okay? I’m right there with you.” He nods rapidly and even though he’s noticeably a little nervous his body scoots further off the edge, closer to your mouth. You smile and lean in, and he instantly falls right back into his building orgasm.

You work him hard and fast, swirling your tongue and taking him as deep as you can. He gets louder as you get quicker, and you can’t help but moan around him as he thrusts into you with less composure.

“Hol- yes, that’s- right there oh gods-“ His entire body shakes as he cums in your mouth. His orgasm takes all the strength in his body and he falls back, arm giving out as he flops onto the bed. He says your name over and over and it’s like it hits him in waves, you just keep pumping him into your mouth and taking whatever he gives you. His abs are flexing every time you take him into the back of your throat and the slight reaction as he stops moaning your name makes you slow down.

His hand comes over his abdomen and you watch as he begins to come back to his body, the rise and fall of his chest becoming a little more even as you slide him out of your mouth.

“Come here.” He says, his voice so low and thick that you move faster than you thought possible. You come up next to him, and gasp as his hands find your wrists and he pins you against the bed, both of you vertical on the bed and your head perfectly centre on the pillows. He looks over you, completely naked and kisses you deeply, his tongue sliding into your mouth. He was a quick learner. The taste of him is still on your tongue, and the mixture of his mouth makes your head spin.

“Was that okay?” You ask under him and he presses a short kiss to your lips and then laughs.

“You are joking, right? That was the most incredible thing I’ve ever felt.” You blush at the way he looks at you, completely enamoured. “I want to make you feel like that.” You freeze and all the blood in your body rushed to your core. A look of determination you’ve seen from training covers his expression.

“You don’t have to, don’t feel like ob-“

“Let me make you feel good.” He purrs your words from earlier in your ear and your eyes flutter closed as he pulls your pants down your legs. He leaves your underpants on, and shifts so his body is between your legs. He hangs above you, and the way his eyes drop down to your underwear and slowly work their way back up to your face makes you feel hot all over. He stays like that, above you as he does something you can only describe as admiring you.

One of his hands brushes over your stomach, fingers tracing aimless lines along your skin. You try to stay as still as possible, but the way he looks at you, how he runs his hands so so close to the hem of your underwear, and then slide away to explore somewhere else. It isn’t long until your squirming underneath him.

“Please, Obi-Wan.” He blinks a couple times, focusing back on what he was doing.

“Sorry. Your beautiful.” He leans down to press a kiss to your stomach, and then copies what you did to him, moving down your body, kissing your thighs and it making your back arch. “Show me.”

“Wh-what do you want to do?” He looks up at you and, after seeing you smile at him encouragingly, slowly drags your underpants down your legs, making sure his fingertips touch all the exposed skin they can on the way. Then he lays down between your legs, and looks up at you, awaiting instruction. “Fuck. O-okay.”

You open your legs a little more and let your hand tangle in his hair. He leans into that touch, and he ‘hmms’ again as you run your fingertips through it. He kisses your thighs again, and his tongue darts out to lick the skin there a little bit. You realise he’s still waiting.

“Just- anything. Please touch me.”

“Hmm. You never were a good teacher.” Your jaw drops open and you laugh without making a sound, way too distracted with how sexy he looks between your legs.

“Give me your hand.” He does as you ask, and you run his hand down over your stomach. His hands are softer than you thought, and when you bring one of his fingers over your clit, you let out a long moan of his name.

You show him how you would touch yourself, but somehow it feels a hundred times better with his hand. He follows your motions and you let go, fisting the blankets as he copies you. It takes him a moment but he never takes his eyes off you, watching as each time he touches you right your body reacts, and faster than you were prepared for he starts to build a perfect pattern.

“Like this?” He applies more pressure and you arch further off the bed. Of course he would be a fast learner. You feel him move closer, his breath hot on your arousal. You nod frantically and moan in a loud, long release. “What about this?”

“Oh fuck! Yes, just like that!” He flicks his tongue over your clit. You don’t remember a time you’ve been this sensitive so fast, but then again you’ve never had someone as incredible as Obi-Wan Kenobi between your legs. He swirls his tongue in the same pattern he was creating with his fingers and the feeling intensifies, your nerve endings buzzing with pleasure.

“Need more. Wanna feel you.” You break out between gasps and he unfortunately takes his expert mouth off you to answer.

“Okay, darling. Show me, okay?” He brings his hand up again and you quickly bring two of his fingers into your mouth and suck on them. He never takes his eyes of you, the image of you sucking his cock earlier surely running through his mind. You run his hand back down and guide them to your entrance and he slides them into you.

“Move them- oh, shit - up. Just a little.” You prop yourself up on your forearms but your head drops back as he curls his fingers inside you, and you practically sob when he does it again while returning his mouth to your clit.

He starts slow, and you are too enveloped in your own pleasure to give him instructions, but it’s like he reads your body. You both work so in sync with each other on the battle field and in meetings, it makes sense he would be able to give you exactly what you were so desperate for without having to speak. He can feel every time he does in the right way, when his tongue and his fingers sync up, and he chases the form every time.

Once he figures out a pattern that makes you squirm he goes faster. The pace makes your eyes roll in the back of your head thinking about how good he makes you, and only you, feel.

“Right there. Oh m-“ He takes your clit into his mouth and sucks. If you thought he was loud, you were definitely louder as you cry out, begging him not to stop.

“So- stars; so pretty.” He says and you can feel the heat of his words on your wetness. “And so wet. For me?”

“Yes. Always for you.” He groans and goes faster and faster, his entire mouth exploring the taste of you while still hitting that spot that makes you cry out.

“So fucking warm. Thought about this - feel perfect.” The lewdness of his words make your legs begin to shake and you can’t see - can’t feel anything but the earth shattering sensation filling every part of your body.

Pleasure builds faster than ever and you can’t prepare for how hard you cum in his mouth. Everything flashes in sparkles of heat and melts your mind until you can’t think - pulling his hair and riding his face through your pleasure.

Your leg muscles were sore already and you manage to open your eyes to see your thighs have seized up around his head, keeping him in place. He doesn’t seem to mind, and although he has taken his fingers out of you his mouth remains, aimlessly tasting you seemingly for his own enjoyment. He has no idea the effect he’s having on you, and his tongue brushes over your clit occasionally, the overstimulation making your lungs burn.

“Oh Maker. Obi please come here.” You say, and your shakey legs drop open from his head. He looks up at you, and takes a final taste of your pussy before crawling up your body, kissing you.

“You taste sweet.” He whispers into your mouth. There’s something about how dirty the words are mixed with how proper and polite he always is that makes your legs shake for a different reason, and you pull him down next to you, curling your body into his.

“You are amazing.” It’s his turn to blush, and you see a little red come across his cheeks in the dim light of the room.

“Hardly in comparison, my love.” Your heart is slamming in your ears. That was your favourite nickname, you think. He brushes the hair out of your face, a finger tucking it behind your ear so he can see you better.

“Can you stay?” He shouldn’t. You know he shouldn’t, because if anyone sees him leaving tomorrow everything you both said at the council meeting will be worthless.

“Of course I will stay. As long as you want me to.” You smile into his neck as you bury your face there.

“I want you all the time.”

“Then I will stay all the time.” You both smile, enjoying the simplicity of this moment, knowing it will not last.

“We don’t have to talk about it right now, okay?” You can sense his worry - and you are relieved you sense no regret like you were so sure he would feel. His muscles relax under your words and he nods, pulling your back against his chest so you can feel his slowing heart beat. Somehow - as if it was possible, you feel more connected to him that before. Your energies were always intertwined, but now it’s like they were fused. You could still tell who was who, and they could be taken apart, but together they formed something greater - stronger; and you knew he could feel it too.

You both fall asleep soon after, knowing tomorrow will bring forward a thousand new challenges, with a million new consequences.

You don’t care.

The world could burn down around you, and you would happily watch it, as long as you could do so in his arms. There will be nothing they can take, nothing they can say that will diminish how you feel, and no Jedi Order could convince either of you that what you felt for each other was wrong.

If anything, it made you stronger, and maybe one day you could prove it to them.

[all-hail-the-witcher]

geralt ramsey

I've been screaming about this with @toss-a-coin-to-your-lesbian and @toss-a-coin-to-your-stan-account for like days so you've heard of chef!geralt, now get ready for geralt ramsey because I've been watching way too much hells kitchen and kitchen nightmares

-so geralts a witcher. been alive since like the middle ages.

-but the monsters got few and far between and he dabbled in some careers before going to culinary school

-jaskiers especially surprised that he's good at it cause he remembers geralts tasteless campfire rabbit from 1238 thank you Very much

-also no one knows how old he is

-someone asked him on twitter once

-he said “852″

-everyone thought he was joking

-but anyway geralt somehow becomes this Really Good Chef

-hosts hells kitchen, masterchef, masterchef kids, kitchen nightmares, all of them and owns all the restaurants has his fancy lil michelin stars okay he's Good

-everyones scared of him

-he wears his hair in a bun, pen behind the ear

-arms crossed, usually scowling 

-wears a black jacket instead of chefs whites cause jaskier says it makes his “hair pop”

-intimidating To The Max

-but he's secretly the biggest softie

-but no one really knows it

-cause if you undercook his scallops? oh man you're gonna get it

-jaskier kinda thinks its hot

-speaking of jaskier

-hes one of the hosts on great british baking show

-valdo marx is the other

-No One Knows That Jaskier And Geralt Are Together Much Less Married

-jaskier makes them get married in a new place every time it becomes legal there

-geralt hates it but he puts up with it cause it makes jaskier happy

-but anyway

-no one knows they're together

-jaskier cant cook to save his life

-hes essentially the joey batey baking video irl

-every time he cooks geralt says a prayer that he won't get food poisoning

-like gordon does on kitchen nightmares

-jaskiers specialty is dino nuggets

-geralt pretends to hate them but he loves munching them after a long day

- “if word got out that a 16 michelin star chef liked dino nuggets id be done for julek, how dare you even suggest such a thing”

-one time on kitchen nightmares he lets it slip that he has a husband

- “even my husbands food is better than that!!” 

-and immediately goes “fuck”

-the whole internet is like you're MARRIED???? you're GAY??????

-cue hunt for the elusive husband

-jaskier thinks its fucking hilarious

-lambert teases him relentlessly

-there are many theories

-but alas, no one guesses the host of gbb

-one time

-its one of their many anniversaries 

-geralt forgot cause by this point they have at least 150

-that night on hells kitchen he goes “listen up. my husbands here tonight. its our anniversary. don't fuck this up.”

-everyone (including contestants) tries to figure out who the husband could be

-but they cant

-the only person of any remote significance is that hist of gbb sitting in the red kitchens vip booth

-eventually tho it Does come out

-in like

-the most ridiculous way possible

-theres this big fire in one of geralts restaurants 

-on the night he happens to be there

-everyones pretty much fine

-but geralt (along with most of the other kitchen staff) inhaled a fuck ton of smoke

-jaskier shows up just as geralts hacking and trying to sign the waiver to refuse care

-cause hes a “fucking witcher, jaskier. ive survived way worse with your slapdash first aid and back room healers i don't need modern medicine” 

-jaskier is Beside Himself

-meanwhile everyones like tf is the host of gbb doing here

-jaskiers arguing with geralt and everyones like :o cause you Don't do that

- “dear heart. you can’t breathe. you are GOING to the hospital if i have to drag you there myself!”

-everyones like....dear heart????

- “julek-”

- “no! you're my husband!! i fucking care about you, you oaf! modern medicine was invented for a reason!!!”

-everyones like oh. oh my god. that's him. that's the fucking husband.

-and geralts just like

- “i used to fight monsters i can survive some sm-” and then he just starts coughing

-and jaskiers like. instantly soft as heck. 

- “cmon dear heart, lets go talk to the emts, alright? I know you can survive without their help, but it would make me feel so much better if you listened to them.”

- “....fine”

-and jaskier gives him a forehead kiss and wraps his arm around him

-everyones Shocked

-cause it was bakeoff dude all along????

-geralts kinda annoyed 

- “now i gotta share you, julek”

- “there's enough of me to go around”

- “hmm”

- “if you're so annoyed we could always stage a divorce. we can afford one, we are legally married in like 16 countries”

- “no, jaskier”

-lambert teases them about it

- “really geralt? no one had Smoke Inhalation on their betting list for how the world find out you were together! now what are we supposed to do? the pool was like a million bucks!!”

-geralt ignores him

-but after it comes out

-jaskier occasionally surprises geralt at work

-and everyones So Shocked that grrr mean chef geralt is actually so soft with his husband??

-and jasper also talks about geralt on bakeoff 

-he tells cute stories

-i just love this au and i could talk about it for hours okay

[chaeiimimi]

01 𝖍𝖊𝖑𝖑𝖔 𝖇𝖆𝖇𝖞

Summary: you weren’t really sure how it happened, but an average student who wore glasses and spent all her extra time on bookstores and library managed to date your school’s volleyball club setter. On your 3rd year of law school, your ten years anniversary to be exact, he went home from Argentina and it was a week before he was going back, he broke up with you with the reason of he can't handle long-distance relationship anymore despite being at it for two years. You didn’t cry, you stood there as he was sobbing in front of you, you held his face in your palms and offered him a gentle smile, gentle enough to let him know you’ll support him and will always be watching him, together with the child in your stomach right now, but he doesn’t need to know that.

Chapters: prev// next

“is model Sato Himari dating Argentina national male volleyball team player Oikawa Tooru?” you read yet another dating rumor from your past lover

you shook your head and mumbled “he never changed” you said clucking your toungue

it’s been almost two years now since your break-up, your son and his twin brother were already ten months old, they grew up to be healthy and happy babies

Your parents helped you take care of your babies whenever you were attending school and doing your part-time jobs

You also tried to avoid some high school friends since almost all of them knew Oikawa and you didn’t think it was time for him to find out about his sons yet

His career is at its peek, he was getting a lot of endorsements inside and outside of Japan, he was always getting linked to a lot of famous people and influencers

You felt so small compared to him and quite frankly, you didn't know if you wanted that life for your sons, i mean Oikawa had paparazzi following him everywhere he's almost like a celebrity

Well with that looks of him, it wasn't a surprise

Besides, you didn't know if he still loved you, he was surrounded by a lot of rumors from celebrities to actresses to models

And you were just a fresh graduate looking for a job to sustain your kids

With all of that out of the way, you decided that you didn't want Oikawa to meet your kids

"hiii babies" you cooed at your sons when you arrived at your parent's house

They all giggled in unison reaching out their tiny hands to you, they were already in their strollers when you arrived ready to go

"hey ma, pa thank you again for today" you hugged your parents, without them, you probably wouldn't manage to pay for yours and your sons' expenses

"y/n please rest for a little bit, we already told you, me and your dad can afford to take care of yours and your sons' needs" your mother pleaded with you one more time

You looked at her with tired eyes but you were hosting a gentle smile on your lips

"mom, its really fine, you guys are already taking care of my kids I cant let you carry all the burden, besides, I already got the job from the law firm" you smiled at them lifting the takeout food they failed to notice when you entered

"I can begin work after a week"

Thus you and your sons left your parent's house a little later than usual as you ate dinner

"good morning my baby" you greeted Haruto who was always the first one to wake up, you lift him up from his crib as you sat down the rocking chair just in front of their crib feeding him with your breastmilk

"eat up before your brother wakes up" you smiled at him, his small eyes looking at you as he sips milk from your nipples, smiling while doing so

It was moments like this when you felt bad for them, how you wanted them to have a father, but you know it was far for that to happen, their father was at the other side of the world and the chances of you getting back together was next to impossible

You relish the silent peaceful morning

Until it was ruined by the loud ringing of your phone, you reached for it since it was just on top of the table beside your chair

You didn't check the caller

"hello?"

"bessssstiiieee" you moved your phone away from your ear

"Akira, its 7 in the morning here for goodness sake" you scold your bestfriend who is also in Argentina

"ohhh sorry are my godchildren still sleeping?" she asked

"I'm feeding Haruto at the moment, Hayato is still asleep" you said looking down at your son and made a funny face which made him giggle

"anyways bestfriend, i'm going home to attend the high school reunion, are you coming?" she asks

"no-"

"oh no you don't bitch, i'm coming home and WE will attend that party, last year i was alone, Himari was annoying the shit out of me with her stupidly pretty face"

"why did you even ask me in the first place?" you deadpanned

She knew you couldn't say no to her, how could you? When she was there when you were crying your eyes out after the break up, putting up with your intense cravings and rubbing your back during morning sickness heck she even hesitated on going to Argentina to get trained by the photographer she idolizes the most because you were two months away from giving birth

Even in Argentina she was constantly calling her friends if they had jobs available for you, and for that you are forever thankful for her

"But, what if he's there?" you asked, there was a reason why you didn't attend high school reunion last year, you were afraid Oikawa was there

"its not like we're going to bring the boys with us- oh wait I'm about to board my flight I'll call you when I arrive bye love you" and with that she ended the phone abruptly

You sighed and looked at Hayato shuffle awake in his bed

okay so this is my first time writing a fanfic by chapter DADYIGFBWEYB I hope y’all liked it, just tell me through dms or ask box if you want a tag on the next chapter

[taegyuun]

scared ice prince

requested by: @nico-nico-niki MWAH !!

genre: fluff, childhood best friends to enemies to lovers, angst-ish

warnings: swearing

word-count: 2.8k

ALRIGHTY LETS GET STARTED

as children you and sunghoon lived nowhere near each other

literally on the complete opposite sides of the town

so you may be asking “how did we meet”

now now

your friendship started in one place that was right smack dab in the centre of the town

the ice rink :D

both you and sunghoon started around the same time but you started just a tad earlier maybe like a week or two so y’know you already knew like the basics like how to tie your skates properly and what not

sunghoon did not

so this is how your friendship started !!

when he first came in he was this TINY tiny child literally the most adorable little thing baby baby <333

he was incredibly shy not shine tho and didn’t speak to anyone not even the instructor

and you could see that he was struggling to tie his skates so you walked over and crouched down before untying your own

he looked over curiously and you started showing him step by step how to do the basic knot so he could follow without even saying anything

and then you were basically inseparable LMFAOO

ik crazy how tying a skate lace can blossom such an incredible friendship

whenever the instructor asked to pair up for a skating assessment you two were already stuck together like glue

literally no one tried to separate you two bc they knew if they did, it’d either end in very LOUD tears or them having bruises

but like i said, you two lived on the opposite sides of the town and as little 8/9 year olds you couldn’t exactly venture out on your own and just walk to each other’s houses

so outside of the weekend figure skating practice, you two barely saw each other

your parents once in a while, maybe every two weeks, drove one of you to the others house so you could play and what not but you both had busy parents so it wasn’t always a constant routine y’know

but as you grew older you became more and more inseparable

like in middle school, you forced your parents to move you to his school so you two could be together which they actually agreed on but that’s only bc his school had better education-

and then in highschool everyone thought you were dating

even though you didn’t really potray any sort of skin ship other than smacking the other one across the head 💀

you two were just so close that everyone just assumed

oh and yes you both carried on your figure skating career !!!

when you entered high school that’s kinda when it got a lot more competitive

middle school, sure you both competed but it wasn’t really anything crazy

it wasn’t like a proper competition that you felt accomplished for winning - it felt more like child’s play

but now that you’re both almost adults- you went to actual tournaments and competed with other incredibly talented figure skaters

this also meant spending less time with sunghoon and more time at the ice rink

you were both incredibly passionate about the sport and it clouded both of your minds so much that it was bascially the only thing you would think about

you stayed at the same ice rink that you started at- the one in the centre of your town

while sunghoon transferred to a more “prestigious” one that was closer to the city

it’s not like you couldn’t afford it you just weren’t bothered to travel that far for the same schooling that you got here

you weren’t exactly sure why sunghoon transferred

i mean, the teachers taught you the exact same things in the same ways

you did have your suspicions of him not wanting you to see his practices bc you were both starting to compete against each other but if that was the case he could just have fully private lessons instead of lessons with you

you never really thought about it too much, you just focused on yourself and how well you were doing with the sport

the reason for sunghoon transferring was the exact reason that you guessed

he didn’t want you to see him practice.

sunghoon, well, ice skating was basically his whole life

it was his joy in this cruel world

and he loved it so much he forgot about anything else that was in the world because of it

it also made him forget about his best friend of the last decade...

he became incredibly competitive - especially when he was skating against you

he made it his priority to win every time but he tried even harder to win when you were in the tornament too

he wasn’t sure why but similarly to you, he didn’t bother thinking much about it especially when the sport was filling his thoughts so much

it’s like he almost had no time to think about anything but figure skating

it’s like he didn’t even want to think about anything but figure skating

so this is exactly why you two fell apart and became ‘enemies’

he basically lost all contact with you out of nowhere once you two started competing properly

you tried to reach him at school and whenever you had the time to see if something happened or if you did something

but he would always dismiss you or simply ignore you

you tried to get jake, your other best friend and the only person you knew who actually could talk to him, to get him to contact you

but every time jake got back to you it was a shrug and a “idk y/n, something got to him and he won’t listen to a single word i say... hes a completely changed person”

so yeah sunghoon turned into a dick in the span of a few months

it did hurt you

it hurt a lot

he was really one of your only friends who you were so tight-knit with that you felt like you could tell him anything

i mean - you were literally best friends for a decade!

you even contacted his parents and they were confused themsleves

your parents were even worried for him

but we move i guess we can’t be crying over some stupid boy in this household youre strong >:)

even though you two never spoke anymore, becuase of your shared friendship with jake, you two still saw each other frequently at school - especially at lunch

you would always catch him sneaking glances at you every time you laughed at something jake said or when you teased jay for some stupid things he said

jealous sunghoon????

but like i said WE MOVE !!! you did not pay him any attention at all and as you should bc the kid literally randomly dropped you for no reason at least that you were aware of

other than school lunches, you mainly saw him at competitions

and however much you disliked him for what he did, you could not deny that he was an incredibly talented skater

when he glided across the ice you could feel his happiness and how peaceful he felt even when doing intricate spins and jumps

and even though you knew you couldn’t, you felt happy for him

ok maybe you felt more than happy for him

you couldn’t deny the feelings that were present 😐✋

as much as you didn’t want to, you started falling for the boy you saw on ice because that same boy that was gliding so effortlessly inside the rink reminded you so much of the boy you used to once see and speak to everyday without any worries

but the second he stepped off the rink and met his eyes with yours your feelings instantly deflated

you then once again felt the same rage rushing through you at what he did to you

you were still waiting for an explanation as to what the fuck was going on

and everytime he stepped off the rink with the widest smile, his eyes would meet yours as if he was searching for you to see if you watched

but when he met your dejected and angry eyes, his smile would drop and let out a sigh

he was angry at himself for what he did to you

he was frustrated that some stupid sport had ruined the best thing that had ever happened to him in his whole life

he knew he was in love with you

he knew for so long

and maybe that’s the reason why he begged his parents to let him transfer to another ice rink

so he didn’t have to watch you gracefully skate across the ice and not have to worry about somehow fucking up and saying the wrong thing

he was scared of being in love with his best friend

becuase that trope either turns into an endless love or the everlasting sorrow of losing your best friend to dumb feelings

so instead he acted upon some MORE dumb feelings and locked you off from him

he tried hard, he really did

but he couldn’t stop thinking about you

he looked for you at every competition and for some reason, he always found you there even if you weren’t competing

in school he always looked for you and every time he said something stupid or said some sort of joke he was waiting for a smack on the back of his head or one of your incredibly ugly but somewhat endearing snorts

but that never came

however! something was present

you always tried to hide your smile by dropping you head and looking at the table during every lunch

or when you met his gaze you’d look away and pretend to be interested in the wall beside you

he knew that you felt something as well and it wasn’t just him

but he may have realised that a tad late

but i mean it wasn’t just him who was doing these things

you were also unconsciously looking around for him after every performance and during school to see if he was ok

now now how do you two become lovers you may ask?

i am getting to that now

funnily enough both of your instructors were siblings and they wanted their companies to partner up together and hold this one big performance for the end of the year

in that performance they wanted all of the skaters to skate individually and then two people to skate together in a “romantic” performance

they thought it was a cute way to start the year ok-

you can see where i’m going with this cant you 😼

and well bascially the way it was done

was they put everyone’s names in a hat and chose two out

sunghoon and arrabella

arrabella was some random ass girl from sunghoons ice rink you literally never saw her at the competitions but alright

you were secretly hoping to hear your name being called out and not so you could hold hands with sunghoon while skating 🙄

but bc you wanted him to finally speak to you one on one and tell you what the frick happened

arrabella was clearly a big fan of sunghoon as he almost passed away from hearing her name and his together

sunghoon looked quite disgusted ngl

so he walked up to the instructor and whispered something in his ear to which the instructor nodded at

you then watched as he dunked his hand in the hat again before pulling out another piece of paper

your name was called

you were like ????? bc wasnt it meant to be only two people performing??

and then they told everyone that you and arrabella were switching places bc she wasn’t fit for the performance

sunghoon didn’t actually tell the instructor to chose your name he just asked him to chose another person bc he knew all she’s do was gush over him instead of actually learning rhe perfomance

but yes he secretly hoped you’d be chosen and TA DA !!!!

so you stand up and skate over to where sunghoon was standing as the instructor shows you the video that you were going to recreate

it involved a lot of waist grabbing, hand holding and touches.

let’s just say you had to take a few deep breaths

you and sunghoon haven’t properly spoken for the past few months and we’re almost at the brink of hating each other but now you have to do this ??? good lord give me strength

but in all honesty you both put your feelings aside when it came to practice bc you didn’t want to disappoint your instructors and wanted to make a nice perfomance for everyone

so every time you had practice with sunghoon you put your professional game face on and just did what you had to do

trying to ignore his large hands on your waist or the way hes softly but tightly hold your hand when you had to do some sort of spin

and alas

the day came of the perfomance and up until then both of you barely said anything to each other, only minor things that helped the other improve in the dance

after the whole perfomance happened and everyone was finished, you both received a lot of praise for such a stunning show from literally everyone

the most frequent comment you got was “wow! your chemistry was indescribable,,, that was the most beautiful relationship i had ever witnessed” and you’d just look at each other like “uh-“

so you both stayed behind to collect some things that you got given and well

you both figured it was time to finally speak about what was going on

“so i-“

“do you mind-“

he lets you speak first wow what a gentleman 😐

“so do you mind telling me what the fuck this was all about? you randomly dropped me and acted as if i didn’t exist yet you always looked for me during your competitions or at lunch?? sunghoon, i don’t know what i did wrong but please for the love of god tell me what is going on we can’t keep acting like this”

sunghoon just started at the ice quite dejectedly

he had this whole speech to say to you that was a whole apology and also a confession but for some reason it completely slipped his mind the second he faced you

he didn’t even realise how much time passed as you started to turn around and slowly skate away after saying “if you’re not going to speak to me i’m leaving”

well obviously mr. park had to get his shit sorted out so he quickly skated to you and grabbed your wrist wow what a classic move

you turned around and huffing looking down at his hand on your wrist before looking back up at him as to say “what now”

so now it’s time for his explanation wow took you long enough

“ok first of all i’m so fucking sorry y/n idk why i did this i think it’s because i was scared to be in love with you and i didn’t want to ruin our friendship with some stupid feelings but instead i did exactly that and instead of actually having the weight off my shoulders for you finally knowing i just had more put on because i ruined what we had in the worst way possible and i know this is an incredibly shitty apology, if you can even call it that, but it’s been so hard without you i’m so frustrated at myself for doing this i just wish i cou-“

then he felt your lips on his

oh my god he burnt up so much at the contact he thought the ice beneath him would meltn

he obviously kissed back and you felt relieved that it was the right decision to do

as you pulled back you said “i forgive you and i love you too but pull that shit on me one more time and i’m burrying you in ice.” and then kiss him again <3

after that sunghoon decided to move back to the old ice rink so the same one youre in and oh my god

the relief everyone felt when they saw you and sunghoon back together all happy and smiley and giggles and sunshine’s and what not

every time jake sees you two he internally sighs and thanks whatever is up there for giving him his friends back - sure a little more lovey dovey but they were back

YOU DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND THE RELIEF BOTH OF YOUR PARENTS FELT-

i mean they knew you’d end up together at some point it was painfully obvious but still-

and you lived happily ever after

the end

[bbarican]

proof of life // september 8, 2021; 9:41 pm

literally all i focus on nowadays is myself, my family, my work, my very laid back love life, and some of my friends and i am actually really fine with it and with how my life is now less chaotic than it was before; i love how i feel so at peace with what i have in life right now

since i really cant type and think with lots of noise around me and since im here in my parents room, i decided to put on some "noise cancelling" sounds just so i can type this little proof of life out

only for the sound to sound exactly like im on an airplane and now im kinda sad cause i really really really really miss travelling and everything about it

since my period is done na din, i decided to put fake nails on and boy it really does give me an ego boost cause it makes my hands look more mature compared to how they really look like without long nails; they look like baby hands istg and id do anything to afford having long fake nails for the rest of my life

i made fried oreos too so that was really nice and the fact that my mom really asked me to make them kasi i know how to make them better just really warms my heart

speaking of my family, i dont really want to go into details, but i really do hope my kuya makes up his mind properly when it comes to his plans for his career kasi theyre talking about a big amount of money and its making me and my parents really anxious

remember when i was nervous for monday and tuesday of this week? well that ended up being very anti-climatic kasi kinaya naman yung tasks for those days, plus today too it was really slow kasi my senior went to a site visit and my boss has a meeting the whole day too so i was just trying my best to hold down the fort while they were busy

i downloaded pride and prejudice cause i miss him (grumpy as i like to call him) so much so ill just have to watch one of my favorite movies while he gets his phone fixed

today was so cold and it made me feel really cozy and lazy to work actually but i managed to pull through

hopefully we all get through the week with smiles on our faces and hopefully we all feel like we achieved kahit just one small tiny task kasi tbh thats more than enough

let me tell you guys now na im so so so proud of everyone for constantly trying! you deserve to rest this weekend

i hope everyone is doing okay and is staying safe and sound and dry!

[monkberries]

They dealt with all of the above. Ringo was treated as a joke for pretty much everything, especially since this was the era of prog rock. His personal life was also tabloid fodder. George was derided as being a dour spiritual nut who was out of touch. He along w/ Ringo didn't get the respect he deserved as a guitarist bc his style wasn't in at the time & people knew little about his role in The Beatles. All credit went to Lennon/McCartney. 1/2

John had the benefit of having the rebel genius image, but even he became a source of ridicule with all the stunts he pulled with Yoko and the way his career declined after Imagine. He wasn't deified to the degree he was in the 80s. I'm not trying to say Paul never had a hard time, but the way this fandom talks as if he is the only one who faced extreme criticism or disrespect just tells me they haven't looked much into the other Beatles' lives. The man is more admired than most musicians. 2/2

(IDK if this screenshotted anons were from the same person or not, but I’ll just answer them in this one since it’s all the same subject.)

Here’s what I think is valid, as I see it: Paul fans are upset by the way his music was treated by the music press, especially in the first few years of the 70s, while the music of the other three were generally given at least the benefit of the doubt. They’re not upset about the tabloid gossip, the purely personal stuff – they are upset, specifically and with good reason, at the way Paul’s music was treated and the way the music world’s personal dislike of him seeped into their music reviews. I’m gonna focus in on 1970 through the end of 1974, since this is where a lot of the complaints spawn from, and things start to shift in a big way in 74. You didn’t ask but contemporary writings about their early solo music is something I’m fascinated by anyway and you turned the wind-up toy key in my back, so. Off I go. This is gonna be so, so long.

At different points in the decade, all of them were subject to a sullying of their personal reputations. That is where I do agree with you: all of them were subjected to that by the press, to varying degrees, at varying times, and for various reasons for each of them. That is just what happens to public figures the longer they are public figures. Tabloids mess with everyone no matter how beloved they are. 

However, that’s not what I generally see Paul fans getting upset about. What I see is that they’re upset at the way the much more legitimate and widely respected music press approached Paul’s music and talent in general. It is widely received knowledge now that the critics treated Paul’s music differently than they did John’s and George’s and even Ringo’s; the trashing was not “equal.” They came at John and George with the assumption that their talent was real and ongoing outside of the Beatles, their genius unquestionable, their motives pure and well-intentioned and honest. Paul was not afforded these assumptions. Some examples to show what I mean, most of them found through wikipedia, rocksbackpages, or rollingstone.com.

John

Plastic Ono Band was Robert Christgau’s number one album of 1970 in The Village Voice. from Creem’s review: “John's record, of course, has been righteously raved over ever since its release, justifiably. It's interesting and even enlightening to see a man working out his trauma on black plastic but more than that, it's totally enthralling to see that Lennon has once again unified, to some degree, his life and his music into a truly whole statement.” From High Fidelity’s review: "a tremendously exciting listening experience, perhaps the best any Beatle has ever offered." In their Imagine review, Rolling Stone called POB “perfect.” A couple reviews in the mainstream were more mixed, put off a little by the rawness of it, but overall the rock world quickly grew to see this album as a work of genius.

Imagine was even more widely well-reviewed, despite a mixed review from Rolling Stone (John fell out with Jann Wenner around this time, curiously). Here’s a passage from rateyourmusic.com: “Imagine was actually one of the most critically acclaimed albums of the year, aside from this tepid review in Rolling Stone. Indeed, much of the rock press seemed palpably relieved that the former Beatle hadn't gone completely off the deep end. ‘It's the best album of the year, and for me it's the best album he's done, with anything, or with anyone, at any time,’ Roy Hollingworth wrote in the 10/9/71 issue of Melody Maker. ‘The album is superb,’ Alan Smith agreed in the 9/11/71 issue of NME. ‘Beautiful. One step away from the chill of his recent total self-revelation, and yet a giant leap towards commerciality without compromise...I have no criticism at all.’”

Some Time in New York City was admittedly John’s nadir, and the press was vicious about it, both personally and musically, deeming the album egotistical, lacking in energy, and devoid of sincerity. However, many maintained a reverence for the genius that came before it and hopeful encouragement for the future. Rolling Stone said that “The Lennons should be commended for their daring;” Creem said it wasn’t half bad; and even though NME’s article was scathing, it ended with a plea for John to return to form, saying, “Don't rely on cant and rigidity. Don't alienate. Stimulate. You know, like you used to.”

Mind Games, though reviews were mixed, fared far better in comparison. Again, there is a hopeful tone to the reviews, a sureness that John can do better. From Rolling Stone talks about the music being a return to POB form, but the writing is his worst yet; however, Landau qualifies this by saying the lyrics aren’t “offensive, per se, just misguided... [John Lennon’s admirers] might even be able to withstand something more challenging” and then praises John’s voice, his production, and a few individual songs. In Melody Maker, Ray Coleman says, “if you warm to the rasping voice of Lennon and, like me, regard him as the true fulcrum of much of what came from his old group, then like any new Lennon album, it will be enjoyable and even important.” Christgau is more middling but also says, “Still, the single works, and let's hope he keeps right on stepping.”

Walls and Bridges seems confusing to reviewers in retrospect. They couldn’t seem to come to a consensus on it. The musicianship was widely praised, for the most part, though Rolling Stone criticized the first side on this front; reviewers alternately said it was “the latest chapter in John Lennon’s Identity Crisis” (Creem) and “truly a superb album by any standards” (Melody Maker). Throughout the Rolling Stone review, the author is able to thoroughly critique the songs, for better or worse, with a neutral affect and without resorting to insulting John personally. He ends the review on a positive note: “When one accepts one’s childhood, one’s parenthood and the impermanence which lies between, one can begin to slog along. When John slogs, he makes progress.” Again, even though the reviews aren’t all positive, we can see, especially and most importantly in the most influential rock magazine of the time, the acknowledgment of his talent, a sense of excitement for what John will do next, and a belief that his work is authentic and honest.

George

All Things Must Pass, I mean. Apart from a couple of outliers like Christgau in The Village Voice (he called it “overblown fatuity”), it was incredibly, almost universally beloved by the music press when it came out. There was quite a bit of surprise that such a talent had been under everyone’s noses all this time, but I don’t think anon is quite correct that all the credit for the Beatles went to Lennon/McCartney. For example, Ben Gerson in Rolling Stone recognized George’s talent within the Beatles like this: “Up until now, George has been perhaps the premier studio musician among rock band guitarists. From the electronic whine which began “I Feel Fine” to the break in “Hard Day’s Night” to the crazed, sitar-influenced burst on “Taxman,” George exhibited an avant-garde imagination and a technical flawlessness, as well as the ability to stay within the bounds of a song, which has remained unparalleled.” In Melody Maker, the feeling of journalists was summed up thusly: hearing the album was “the rock equivalent of the shock felt by pre-war moviegoers when Garbo first opened her mouth in a talkie: Garbo talks! – Harrison is free!" The personal nature and honesty of the lyrics were praised as well; Time described it as an “expressive, classically executed personal statement.” Ben Gerson did call his proselytizing offensive, but in the next sentence says that George redeems himself from that with the personal plea in Hear Me Lord.

Concert for Bangla Desh - again, some cynicism from Christgau in The Village Voice (must have woke up on the wrong side of the bed that day) and of course tax issues dogged it later, but overall, for the rock press at the time, this was a crowning achievement that George pulled off. He was praised all over the press, countercultural and mainstream, for his live musical talent, the group of musicians that joined him, the lack of political motivation, the sincerity and goodwill, and George’s ability to bring back  "a brief incandescent revival of all that was best about the Sixties" (Rolling Stone). To this day he is credited with creating the model for future charity concerts. 

Living in the Material World - Nothing could have topped the one-two punch of ATMP and the Concert for Bangla Desh, but honestly, LITMW came pretty close for some journalists. Rolling Stone again praised George’s honesty and authenticity: “ Despite the occasional use of “psychedelic puns,” Harrison’s lyrics are so guileless they convey an extraordinary sincerity that transcends questions of craftsmanship. Similarly, the devotions we are called upon to share with Harrison, though they communicate no specific, private torment, do have the authenticity of overheard prayers and are therefore sacred.” Melody Maker said, "Harrison has always struck me before as simply a writer of very classy pop songs; now he stands as something more than an entertainer. Now he's being honest." The pushback against his pious attitude and lyrics picked up some steam with this album, particularly with Christgau (again) and Tony Tyler of NME, who called it “so damn holy I could scream.” However, it was far from the consensus opinion at the time, and with the biggest rock magazine in the world at your back, you can withstand quite a bit.

Dark Horse, oof. That poor man. It did get some positivity in Billboard and Melody Maker, but my god, the reviews for this album and its subsequent tour were so cruel. I suspect when these anon(s) talk about the others being treated terribly by the press as well, this, along with John’s STINYC, is one of the examples they would give, and they’re not wrong about that. This was the point where George’s piety and what they perceived as a sanctimonious attitude finally started really getting to everyone, and the album plus the tour was the perfect opportunity to dogpile on him. I guess it was to be expected; no one can ride that high forever, and the press loves to knock people over and kick them while they’re down. Rolling Stone called it “disastrous,” “shoddy,” and called his guitar work “rudimentary,” eventually declaring that George had “never been a great artist.” This from the same magazine that was practically worshipping at his feet the year before. Yowch.

Ringo

Sentimental Journey - The less that’s said about this album, the better.

Beaucoups of Blues was actually quite well-received. No one called him a genius for it, and it wasn’t a serious personal record and therefore wasn’t treated that way, but journalists seemed uniquely able to let themselves enjoy this record despite the serious/political/personal tone of most musicians at the time. Melody Maker believed Ringo had  "conviction and charm" and that because of that, the album stripped away the serious “hip posturing” and let you just enjoy the music on its own terms. The Village Voice said that Ringo was “good at making himself felt.” Although Rolling Stone’s tone was a bit more cruel than other magazines (there was a crack somewhere in there that Ringo wasn’t as smart as John), it also called him lovable and the record “a real winner” where the songs “sound terrific.”

Ringo was a total smash and I think people forget this. It’s remembered only because it’s an album that was worked on by all four Beatles, but actually, the critics fuckin loved it. Ringo was praised in Rolling Stone for his unpretentiousness, sensibility, and essentially collaborative nature: “Ringo was always the figure of conciliation within the Beatles, undoubtedly the most genial, conceivably the most sensible, and the one with the smallest musical axe to grind. His very lapses bespoke the esteem in which the others held him; had they not liked him so much, those perfectionists would never have allowed him to sing. Perhaps because as the drummer he stood outside the process of creation, he had the best perspective from which to see the Beatles as a unity. Ringo has never had any pretense of self-sufficiency. Once he had gotten his special projects out of the way (projects for which John, Paul and George's talents would have been unsuited anyway) Ringo was ready to call upon the three most obvious people to assist him with writing, singing and playing. As Starr's first "pop album," Ringo signifies a homecoming, not just of family, but in musical style as well.”

Goodnight Vienna was kind of a minor album for Ringo, but still, reviews were pretty good. Rolling Stone praised his “unalloyed sincerity which is his trademark and trump card.” Yet again, we see the theme of authenticity popping up in these reviews - if you are perceived as authentic, honest, and sincere, that takes you a long way with music reviewers in this time period, and Ringo was nothing if not wholly, completely himself.

Paul

McCartney - One of the main complaints of Paul fans is that Jann Wenner forced Langdon Winner, the author of the review for this album in Rolling Stone, to rewrite his article and put a more negative spin on it. The result is that Winner praised most of the music but totally undermined his own praise by questioning the authenticity of the tone and deriding the press release that came with the album as much as he praised the music. He ends the article like this: “I like McCartney very much. But I remember that the people of Troy also liked that wooden horse they wheeled through their gates until they discovered that it was hollow inside and full of hostile warriors.” This was a huge blow at a time when personal authenticity and substance were considered paramount. Melody Maker also questioned the legitimacy of his genius, saying “With this record, [McCartney's] debt to George Martin becomes increasingly clear.” Most other reviews weren’t any better.

Ram, I mean, Jesus Christ the reviews for this. It’s a widely respected album now, even made the RS top 500 albums of all time list last year, but at the time people were still so angry with Paul for supposedly breaking up the Beatles that they were still taking it out on his music a year later (imo). Landau in Rolling Stone called it “emotionally vacuous” and said it lacked conviction, saying also that it was “so incredibly inconsequential and so monumentally irrelevant you can’t even [hate it]; it is difficult to concentrate on, let alone dislike or even hate.” NME called it “the worst thing Paul McCartney has ever done.” Threaded through these reviews is a belief that the songs are devoid of meaning and that Paul’s happy domestic front is just a frustrating lie; Christgau in The Village Voice said he was “infuriated by the McCartneys' modern young-marrieds image” - infuriated because he clearly doesn’t believe it, rendering Paul dishonest and his music inauthentic. Once again journalists are unable to review Paul’s music without sniping about him as a person.

Wild Life - Though the situation remains largely the same - reviewers refuse to take him seriously, believe anything he says, or treat his musical talent as anything but vacuous fluff - the reviews aren’t quite as bad as they were for Ram and a bit of positivity begins to stir. It’s evident especially in the Rolling Stone review, where Mendelsohn wonders if Paul is making crappy fluff on purpose to piss John off because it will sell just as well anyway. It’s not much, and on top of the fairly strong criticism there is almost no hope for future Paul releases: “My own conviction is that we'd be foolish to expect anything much more earth-shaking than Wild Life out of McCartney for a good long while... In the meantime the reader is advised to either develop a fondness for vacuous but unpretentious pop music or look elsewhere for musical pleasure.” But it’s something.

Red Rose Speedway Paul continues to be lambasted by a lot of the press on this album for being lightweight and having no meaning behind his songs (at this point it’s just repetitive to quote the articles, just trust me that they say basically the same thing they were saying for the past three albums too), BUT I think a nuance that gets forgotten in all of this is that Rolling Stone gave it kind of a decent review. It seems like they finally quit gatekeeping and realized that songs don’t need to have some deep personal meaning to be good. Kaye is still not very nice about Paul’s lyrics but he recognizes that he doesn’t have to take Paul’s music on the same terms as he takes John and George. Paul’s music is less personal, but that doesn’t make it unworthy. He calls it “pleasant, accessible without concentration” and praises Paul’s voice and arranging skills. It feels like for this album, Rolling Stone took the stick out of its own ass when it came to Paul and finally relaxed enough to receive Paul’s music on his terms rather than theirs. Which, imo, primed the rock world for...

Band on the Run, Paul’s comeback. Even though Christgau in The Village Voice remained unconvinced (he called it “a pleasant piece of hackwork”), almost everyone else adored it. It seems weird to us now, but the general sentiment seemed to be that people were surprised by how good this album was. NME said, “The ex-Beatle least likely to re-establish his credibility and lead the field has pulled it off with a positive master-stroke”; and although Landau’s review in Rolling Stone overflowed with praise, he also said, “I'm surprised I like Band on the Run so much more than McCartney's other solo albums because, superficially, it doesn't seem so different from them.” 

I hope I’ve been able to demonstrate a general trajectory with the musical reputation of each Beatle here. John starts off on two incredible high points, crashes and burns, and then works his way back up. He DEFINITELY missed with STINYC, but even when he followed it up with Mind Games, there was still a hopeful tone to the reviews, sort of like, “Ah, well, the last two weren’t great but we’re still looking forward to what John will give us next.” Until the Dark Horse tour/album, which did sour the press on poor George, the music press adored him. It was hit after hit with him. He could not miss. Three high points, one after the other, then a monumental crash. Ringo seems to stay fairly high, even if the records aren’t serious records. All three of them start out incredibly well, and the music press was able and willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Paul was given none of that. Perhaps because he was out of step with the attitudes about music at the time, perhaps because journalists hated him for breaking up the Beatles, perhaps because they believed John when he painted Paul as “establishment,” perhaps a combination - whatever their issue was, Paul was given no benefit of the doubt to start with, no faith in his genius, and no belief in his authenticity. He was just a hack to the music press for the first few years of the 70s; he started at the bottom and was forced to work his way up, unlike the other three. It started, imo, when Wenner forced the journalist who wrote the McCartney review in RS to rewrite the article, and it spiraled from there. He was seen as hollow and uncool, as one of the anons said, “straight” in the parlance of the time - straight meaning “establishment.” This is kind of where I do start to roll my eyes a little bit at stans, when they get upset at people calling him “establishment” and trying to prove that actually he was so anti-establishment that people couldn’t handle it or whatever, without trying to understand what the word “anti-establishment” meant at the time. But there are also really substantive arguments you can make that say Paul’s music was not taken seriously because of a personal grudge against him.

I’m not saying that all of them didn’t have run-ins with the music press. I’m saying there is nuance here that I don’t think these anons are allowing for in the first few years of that decade. They came at George and John and Ringo with a positive, or at least neutral, slant most of the time. They came at Paul with a negative one. Case in point are the reviews of Band on the Run that were surprised at how good it was. That stuff gets people’s hackles up. The others didn’t have positive reviews rewritten to be more negative. The others didn’t have albums savaged that are now on the Rolling Stone top 500 albums of all time list. I do agree that John, at least, and George post Dark Horse, had a harder time with the music press than people generally remember or care to think about – deification is retroactive, I guess, and as Paul fans we should definitely recognize that Paul wasn’t the only one who went through a rough time with the press. But I do think Paul’s situation was made uniquely and unjustifiably difficult for those first few years.

I mean, at the same time, I cannot stress enough how much this did not affect his bottom line. Despite the horrible reviews, Ram still made a ton of money, McCartney made a ton of money, Band on the Run and Wild Life and Red Rose Speedway all made a ton of money. He had a fanbase, a huge one, that followed him loyally and faithfully through the early 70s as he was getting savaged by the press, and through the middle and late 70s when he was touring. At some point, you have to step back and go, wait. Why does any of this matter? This was 50 years ago. He was a multi-millionaire then and is a billionaire now. And you are right; whenever people over-generalize and try to make the case that Paul was always badly reviewed and the others were press darlings, I tend to get annoyed because they’re totally missing the actually interesting nuances of the situation (that can be easily found online! I found most of the music reviews through snippets on Wikipedia!) In conclusion, I guess my point is that both “Paul was vilified while everyone else wasn’t” and “everyone was equally vilified” paint the events of the early 70s with brushes that are too broad and miss the nuance that was evident in the way the press interacted with their music.