#i cannot express how deeply i love this project

[bandtrees]

this has always been one of my favorite lines in this scene it’s so striking to me. i think debating over callum’s level of lucidity and what can or cannot “fix” him is deeply antithecal to what the story is trying to express with him - but the idea that callum is still there and still a person who does have the capacity to love mingus, just not in a way she can ever comprehend or accept, because she can't comprehend or accept anything outside her narrow worldview, is sooooo good.

there is no way of actually knowing if callum is proud of mingus, much less recognizes her at all - but it's added to by the fact there's only so much of that she would accept even if he could. ultimately, she wants validation and power, his prestige, from him, she wants a supportive parental figure she never had - there's only so much of that callum is able to provide even in a world where her stint to fix his memory actually worked. he's like a hundred. he never even MET her. to say nothing of all he's missed in the past fifty-odd years. to say nothing of how his age may have messed with his mind deteriorating even without the pre-existing brain damage.

and mingus' phrasing here implies he doesn't even look at her when she visits - which brings me to the visit that radicalized her: the one after her surgery, where he was watching gingi out the window.

obviously, callum watching gingi is mostly for the thematics of it all, how similar the two of them are in ways mingus refuses to recognize, but theres also the thought of... callum's been sitting alone in that room for over half his life, barely lucid if at all. of course he's going to be drawn to a brightly-colored thing making noises and knocking stuff over outside. if he can't respond to stimuli of the people around him he's at the very least going to latch onto something more visually interesting than Brown Wall and Brown Figure.

but it's not like mingus can think of it like that, because she's internalized so much about her grandfather and built up such a specific, personalized vision of him - she doesn't see him as an elderly man with (a fictional equivalent to) dementia, she sees him as President Callum Crown™, the man she personally has to please and live up to the legacy of and make proud, disregarding the fact that's not something he has the mental capacity to even do - because she's so obsessed with validation and complete control that the only way she can get it is by either subjugating others and forcing it out of them (what she does with her townsfolk), or just completely projecting on someone who, for her purposes, is basically a blank slate.

which is maddening to her in its own way, see how crazy she drives herself trying to restore callum's memory in the first place - but also, would she be happy even if callum could see her for who she is? post-game, when she's working on herself, that's an irrelevant question as she's pushed past that need, but as we know her? absolutely not.

i love the ch3 standoff between norm and mingus as a show of "Okay guys let’s see who can dehumanize this disabled guy harder (via pedestal-putting) and justify themselves for it better" and why i think it is so important that it’s gingi who reads the postcard and ultimately speaks for callum instead of either of them, or even the narrator. they can’t read, and they struggle to, but they manage to get it right even when people are telling them to stop. and the fact they’re able to do it at all, are given the chance to do so, and are ultimately the one to wind down this conflict shows that the world of dialtown, while not perfect, really is how callum would have wanted it.

both gingi and callum are some of the most altruistic and human characters ever, and the crux of their parallels is that they are denied this by close-minded people because they happen to Behave Strangely. it's why seeing mingus act the way she does hits so hard - she loves her paw-paw, yes, but if she were to see him in a vacuum, a one-limbed man who can hardly think, much less speak for himself: or even his younger self, who was struggling to make ends meet with his odd inventions...

...well, the feeling norm's imagining here would probably be mutual. mingus' relationship with bigotry is a very fascinating one, she's very close-minded but views certain oddities (ie her flesh-head) as having earned their place and thus being fine - she's a freak too, by her own admission, but she's doing it for a just and wider purpose, so it's fine. which is, ironically, the ideology callum forced upon himself.

callum was obsessed with helping people, pushing himself to do more and more, because it was the only way he ever found respect. if he didn't help people and have grand visions for the world and make himself "useful" to society at large, then what would he be, if not a freak?

mingus and her paw-paw are very similar people, from their well-intentioned extremism, to their stubbornness and paranoia, to their inability to view themselves as anything more than a vessel for that grand cause they believe in (callum in the dialup, mingus in restoring her paw-paw's memory) - which is funny, because if mingus was able to view callum, and herself, as a flawed human person, she would come to understand how similar they really are.

:(

[booksandspilledwine]

Reasons why I could NEVER hate Eli King

-an extensive list

Let me just start off with this excerpt from one of Eli’s chapters:

‘As I watch her peaceful expression, I almost forget that I’m married to what’s societally known as a madwoman. Worse, she doesn’t even know it. And I’ll make sure it remains this way.’

He forced organizations and companies to invite Ava to play at their events or programs so that she could rediscover her lifelong passion: the cello.

Before her performance, he texts her knowing that she’s anxious and reassures her too. 

‘My wife is many infuriating things, but she’s undeniably beautiful.’

Like hello??? SWOON.

He avoided drinking and helped Ava with her alcoholism issues.

He distanced himself from Ava because he felt that his face was a trigger to her episodes

‘I’ll carve my name beneath her skin so deeply, she’ll find me in her dreams. And her nightmares.’

Eli, Chapter 25.

“Tell me you find me beautiful.” “I find you so extremely beautiful, it hurts to look at you sometimes.” “More beautiful than your ex-girlfriends?” “I’ve never had a girlfriend and even if I had, they wouldn’t hold a candle to you.”

He memorized the letter she had written in which she confessed her feelings for him. WORD FOR WORD.

He had OCD, yet he allowed her to mess up the order of his books.

He refrained from having s3x with her because he felt that she was not in the right state of mind to consent to it. He felt like he was taking advantage of her and he did not like that at all.

He left an important meeting just because Ava showed up at the office, without caring about the consequences or what his father would say.

He stabbed a man important to his project for suggesting that all he wanted in return for his investment was sleeping with Ava for a night. He stabbed a man. IN PUBLIC. 

“You’re lucky we’re in public or that knife would’ve been deep in your throat. Look at my wife again and I’ll gouge your eyes out.”

Yet another example of him not giving two shits about the consequences and problems he’d have to face.

“You’re my wife and those who don’t respect the fact will be dealt with accordingly.” 

He literally killed a man because he sexually assaulted Ava.

He didn’t let her drive because he anticipated that she would have a panic attack and it would also serve as a trigger.

“You never treated me as abnormal and I’m grateful. No, I’m beyond grateful.”

Ava to Eli, in chapter 29.

‘And I know- I just know I’ll fuck up everything for this woman.’

Oh Eli King, the man you are.

He keeps the night lamp on because he knew how much she hated sleeping in the dark. Now, this might not seem like a lot BUT IT’S ALWAYS THE LITTLE THINGS.

“Should we go to a West End show later?”

“You don’t even like the theater.”

“But you do.”

He took care of her after every episode, bathing her, cleaning her and putting her to sleep because he knew she was in no state to do so and she couldn't even differentiate what was real and what wasn't. He did all of this without ever complaining.

No matter the situation, he, and I cannot stress on this enough, ALWAYS put her needs before his. One example is the fact that he developed insomnia because he was worried that she would have an episode at night and he wouldn’t be able to help her. That literally shows how much he cares for Ava.

‘However, the more I find, the deeper I want to go. I’ve seen her hide from her best friends just so they won’t witness her at her worst. I’ve seen her smile and laugh while her eyes were screaming for help. I’ve seen her looking in the mirror and reciting her name, age, and her love for cello while seeming as if she were staring through herself.’

He noticed every small detail about her.

“I’d never despise her.”

“Even if she’s the reason you ruin the ambition you’ve harbored your entire life?”

“Even then.”

“You’ll be destructive without a purpose.”

“I have a purpose. It’s her.”

A conversation between Eli and Leo Henderson

In the beginning of the book, we see Ava repeatedly asking for a divorce and Eli shutting that down. However, the minute Ava threatens to kill herself, he agrees to a divorce and transfer of guardianship.

He didn't want to live in a world if Ava wasn't in it. He was ready to unalive himself if she had died in her fall down the stairs. 

‘I sacrificed my peace of mind for hers, and I realize now that I would do it again in a heartbeat if I ever got a redo. Because I care about her, more than I even realized. Since she waited years for me to come around. I can do the same. For as long as it takes.’

In chapter 41, Cecily gives a long explanation of Eli’s actions. If that doesn't convince you that he cares about her, I don't know what will.

Eli would visit her at the institute every night once the doctor allowed him to. He held her hand as he sat. He would read romance books to her even though he didn't like them at all. He came back night after night, even when it looked like he hadn't slept for days so much so that Cole himself was impressed.

He took care of her plants in case she ever thought of returning.

He never took off the watch she gifted him.

“The phoenix is you. You’re a beautiful mythical being who can be born from the ashes of your illness.” “And the tree of life?” “That’s me. I believed I could contain your rebirth, every time.”

SEE?? He loved her so much that he got a tattoo for her. Also I'm just a sucker for those phoenix metaphors.

‘She might have been the one who experienced issues with alcoholism, but my addiction to her is far worse. The only difference is that I don’t wish to ever become sober.’

An excerpt from the second epilogue.

EliAva are the perfect definition of ‘Action speaks louder than words.’ Saying that you couldn't feel the love between them is just straight up stupid. If you think they didn't have chemistry, then I just have one question for you. DID WE EVEN READ THE SAME BOOK?? If you think chemistry means chasing someone in the woods, taking advantage of you, forcing some random girl who's on the verge of offing herself to give you a bl0wj0b at the EGDE OF A CLIFF, no less, then I really don't know what to say. Am I saying Eli was a good man? No. Not at all. He wasn't perfect. Every Rina Kent MMC had their own issues and were problematic. People say they want complex characters but the minute a complex character is introduced, y'all waste no time hating on them. What Eli did barely even touched the surface, especially if we compare him to other RK men. Hate on him, Ava or the book all you want but don't tell me they didn't have chemistry or that Eli never cared about her when the entire book is a testament to the fact that he actually cared about Ava a lot.

[jmdbjk]

The Drama. It's Jimin.

We don't know yet how Jimin will tie together that sheet of music La Lettra (The Letter), containing the music of The Truth Untold and the Legend of the Smeraldo flower in this album but he's named the album MUSE.

The Truth Untold lyrics

You know that I can’t Show you ME Give you ME I can’t show you my miserable self, so, yet again, I wear a mask and go to meet you But I still want you

A flower that looks like you bloomed in the garden of loneliness I wanted to give it to you after taking off this silly mask But I know that I can’t never ever do so

And the story it is based on, The legend of 'Smeraldo' about a flower created just for the girl the man couldn't reveal himself to.

Here is an excerpt from this link:

The man wanted to help the girl. He wanted to teach her every method of growing flowers he knew, he wanted to teach her how to grow beautiful flowers. But he couldn’t come forward to the girl. She would be scared of him, she wouldn’t love his grotesque appearance. In the end, the only thing he could do was to grow and take care of the flowers so she could keep coming to his garden.

The vibe of The Truth Untold is yearning, desperation, unfulfilled and unrequited love due to one's own inner turmoil holding them back.

The gist of the Legend of the Smeraldo is that you cannot remain withdrawn if you are to achieve the thing you desire most. If you wait too long it will be too late. You must overcome the negative perceptions of yourself in order to reach for the thing you desire.

"Muse" can mean what Jimin is to others and what Army is to Jimin, but Jimin's muse is most likely an element of his inner persona that he keeps to himself, that he draws on for his creativity.

It could also be the stage, the desire to visually express his creativity. I have heard music artists claim their muse or mistress is the stage, they cannot stay away from it, their passion, their obsession, their life's blood and breath to the point everything else is secondary.

The definition for the word muse is:

a person or personified force who is the source of inspiration for a creative artist.

Muse is also related to Greek mythology. From wikipedia:

The Muses are the inspirational goddesses of literature, science, and the arts. They were considered the source of the knowledge embodied in the poetry, lyric songs, and myths that were related orally for centuries in ancient Greek culture.

Where have we seen this inspiration before in Jimin's creativity? I wrote about his Artemis/Apollo concept for his photo folio here.

I know too often Jimin is reduced down to his visuals and his singing...he is a walking melody-maker after all. But he's much deeper than that. He is well-read, he excels at math and science, he understands the human condition better than anyone else around him.

Perhaps in this project, he will explore something that expresses these concepts more deeply.

Motifs he's using in the album's concepts:

Blooming: ME

Serenade: US

A field of flowers, not just any flower, a simple small white flower. Thousands of them. Do the flowers represent us?

I wonder what the blurred out center image of the album covers will reveal.

In his Sept. 1 live last year, among the things he spoke about (besides his Jungkookie's birthday) Jimin told us he was doing things differently, like starting from scratch.

During this live, commenters kept asking about his beat up knuckles and he said just wait and we will find out. He also showed us his workout room in his house.

He also showed us his solar system mood light casting images across the ceiling of his bedroom. He says he falls asleep with it on.

Yet he's an expert at talking to us for a great length of time without really telling us anything. Masterful in fact. He rarely reveals anything personal. We were astonished when he walked through his own home and showed us various rooms in it.

But he wasn't always like this. Whatever circumstances, whether it be outside forces or his own inner growth and maturity, he's changed over the years. He's an expert at hiding parts of himself and his life from us.

How difficult is it for any of us to be our REAL selves in front of anyone? How many of us hide the fact we are Army from our friends, family and co-workers? How many of us behave a certain way in certain situations in order to hide what we perceive are our weaknesses? How many of us are reluctant to speak out, even about frivolous things or dress a certain way or avoid wearing certain colors because what people might think or perceive about us?

Now imagine that you make your living by putting yourself on stage and in front of cameras for millions of prying eyes.

I do think Jimin loves the drama of it all, the mystique. I believe Jimin loves sensuality and provocation. And I think he loves creating visual expressions of all of it.

Many of us share the same inner muse but few of us possess the tools like Jimin does to express these inner musings outwardly. But if we did too, could we? Do we have the fortitude to put ourselves out there? Sure, it's easy to say "if I had a body like Jimin's I would walk around naked all the time." Would you really? Would you really invite the eyes to look and pry and critique? Would you welcome the amount of judgement that would take place? Because it never stops at just one thing. Offering yourself up invites judgement about everything, even things you don't have any control over, from the shape of your fingers to the tone of your voice.

Over the years, Jimin has shown how self-critical he is, constantly wanting to improve himself, always seeming determined to take it to the next level. Determined to show us another side of himself. Brave enough to keep revealing what he draws from his own muse.

MusE... blooming... ME

mUSe... serenade... US

Jimin's blooming and in this record, he will serenade us with his love. He really didn't want to leave us. Perhaps he felt he was just hitting his stride. I felt it.

[margaretoakgrove]

Caring Lord Heisenberg

First of all, let me to wholeheartedly congratulate you on being one of the luckiest people in the world!

Yes, that's right, you have automatically become one since that very moment when the heart of lord Heisenberg himself chose you as his only one beloved.

And despite of the tough personality and rough exterior of this man he is, actually, quite kind, caring, gentle and attentive within the soul and will do literally anything to see a genuine smile of happiness on your face.

You will probably not hear him saying "i love you" hundred times a day because, not going to lie, Karl is not very good at expressing his feelings with words, but he will definitely always find many other different ways to show how deeply he really cares for you.

On daily basis the lord lavishly compliments your outward look, making your cheeks redden like two ripe tomatoes, and persistently encourages you not to give up on your cherished dreams but devotedly follow them no matter how difficult that is, this way helping the wings of your soul remain unfolded.

All needs of yours Karl is very well aware of and always ready to help you out to entirely fulfill each and every one of them. He buys your favorite beverages and food from the Duke, even without paying attention to the prices; masterly unnoticeably steals breathtaking books from the rich library of lady Dimitrescu, makes Donna special orders for her to sew new clothes to your liking and asks Moreau for all necessary and qualitative medicines when you are in a poor state of health.

Speaking of your health, it is extremely important for the lord for you to stay well as much as possible and for this reason, knowing his habit of smoking like a chimney, Karl avoids puffing cigars near with you.

Making jewellery of metal has now turned into Heisenberg's new little hobby in his spare of work time. He enjoys sitting in one of his workshops in a calm atmosphere, painstakingly designing and creating another trinket, at the same time quietly humming some nice melodic song and vividly imagining how doubtlessly glad you will be to receive one more peculiar handmade gift from him.

Sometimes because of an especially unpleasant family gathering or an unsuccessful experiment, the blood within the man's veins begin to boil out of irritation and pure anger. Remembering how highly sensetive by nature you really are, Karl politely asks you to leave him for some time alone in order to cool his jets and be able to think straight as he desires not one bit to accidentally snap at you and break your fragile heart.

For Heisenberg there is nothing more unbearable than to watch his darling cry. Therefore when your precious eyes start filling with bitter tears of sadness, the lord, as if on autopilot, gives you a firm yet gentle hug. Carefully and caringly stroking your hair and back, your beloved tenderly soothes you, assuring that everything is certainly going to be alright because he is always here…with you…

When you wish to take a slow stroll in a forest or simply around the village, usually Karl gladly joins you, serving you as a loyal and reliable defender. But at thouse moments when he, unfortunately, cannot come together with you, being too busy with working on his projects, the lord sends a pack of lycans in order for them to protect you from every ill-wisher and each potential danger during your walk. Don't worry! These fluffy guys just look so intimidating, but Heisenberg trained them too well, and, believe me, they will never dare to cause you any harm.

At the restless nights of your life when you, being attacked by a bunch of poisonous anxious thoughts, try to desperately fall asleep, almost constantly tossing and turning in the bed, the strong arms of your beloved wrap around you even more tighter than usual. Pulling you closely to his sturdy wide chest, Karl softly and gently caresses your tensed body, placing simultaneously little loving kisses on your face, neck and shoulders, from time to time speaking into your ear very pleasant amazing things in a whisper until you feel absolutely relaxed and sleepy.

Closing your eyes and sinking into the land of sweet peaceful dreams, inwardly you sincerely thank the Universe for allowing you to love this incredible man and to be loved by him tenfold back, feeling with all your heart that, in fact, only he and he alone is everything you have ever truly wanted and everything you have ever so badly needed.

[spectraling]

"My Lady, you are fair and brave and have much to live for... and many who love you."

So this line, huh.

Prime shipping material beloved by many a Merrywyn shipper. But there's a reason for that!

This line and scene in general reads as romantic tension to some and it's not (necessarily) because of the wish to push some kind of shipping agenda, but because this line is actually not Merry's to say originally, but Faramir's - Éowyn's canon love interest. It's been rewritten to make sense for Merry to say, but it's basically a summation of the conversations she has with Faramir in the Houses of Healing in the books.

The movies kind of just gloss over a lot of Éowyn's arc of healing from despair so her being so defeated comes a little out of left field in this scene. It's left in here because of what the writers are trying to get at. They're trying to emulate her scenes with Faramir in the Houses of Healing where she's overcome with despair and Faramir tries to coax her out of it by telling her how great she is and how much he loves her. Éowyn, bereft of her glorious death in battle and forced to linger on, slowly realizes that life may be bearable after all and that things like love, acknowledgement and agency might be possible for her and preferable to death.

Since they almost completely cut that part from the movies (rip), the only window to put this character development and resolution of Éowyn's arc, albeit brief and kind of backwards, is to have Merry evoke this feeling of "You are an incredible and beloved person, maybe life isn't so bad after all, maybe it's possible to love and be loved".

But he's also tying it to his own feeling of hopelessness, of being caged in his own body and his desire to be one of those mighty warriors, to do great deeds so that he can make a difference in a world that has long forgotten him, something that Éowyn herself has expressed and relates strongly to. This is the second point of this scene: to let the audience in on Merry's POV. It's almost completely missing in these particular parts of the movies that originally were all about Merry's own arc of overcoming despair and loneliness. They're both getting a tiny little sliver of what their book selves are going through at various points.

Anyway, so now you've kind of... Taken the romantic aspect of her relationship with Faramir and merged it with the woes Merry (and herself) goes through and you have. Well. Created some very compelling comradery, but also misplaced romantic tension between these two.

Because it's not one-sided. Éowyn responds to this. She is deeply moved. Her face grows soft, teary, almost reverent at Merry's words.

A horn blows suddenly to rouse the riders and she's not even phased, she's too caught up in this feeling that Merry stirred in her. "Then the heart of Éowyn changed", etc. etc., because this is mirroring that change which opens up her heart to be able to fall in love with Faramir, but now she's looking at Merry instead. A lot of people like to focus on Merry's all but love confession (including myself I guess by bringing it up), but have you seen the way this woman looks at this hobbit. Whatever is going on here, it is reciprocated. Most ardently.

I cannot explain the direction choice to have Merry blush and look away after uttering the words "...and there are many who love you", however. He's projecting so hard he might as well have flung himself into the sun that weirdly happens to be out and shining brightly. That hobbit was on the cusp of saying "and I love you", but chickened out at the last second. It makes sense though, it's the original conclusion of the statement, but for obvious reasons Merry can't say that and now he's just looking like he's afraid he's said too much.

This is why that scene is responsible for a Merrywyn shipper or two. And it's just. So funny. Incredible. The writers (and a lot of the audience) didn't even realize that they chose violence or that anyone would think twice about the implications. Merry, being a hobbit, is not a threat to the natural order of things I suppose, and so it's fine to transfer this expression of romantic love onto him, which is quite telling in and of itself.

[denden-sushi]

Recently finished Dr. Stone and I cannot stop thinking about Ishigami Senku. Other than the fact that he's absolutely insane (because who even thinks of these crazy inventions? and to not just think of them but to make it a reality?), I've really been thinking about Ishigami Senku the person, not the scientist.

Which can be hard to separate at times because being a scientist is so deeply ingrained in his being, how can someone even begin to imagine Senku without science? But I find myself thinking about his relationships with everyone else. How he so adamantly dismisses love as being illogical and yet there's no denying that love is present in every relationship and every single thing he does.

Ishigami Senku who would never in ten billion years admit that he cares for others but so obviously does. Waiting and trusting that Taiju would revive? Placing him in the cave to help speed up his revival without absolute guarantee that it would work? Waking up Yuzuriha not only because of Taiju's feelings but because she is also his friend? (Senku can use the excuse of Yuzuriha's handcrafts an excuse for her revival but the fear he experienced when she was being threatened by Tsukasa? The fact that he uses the flag she gave him as a symbol of the Kingdom of Science all throughout the story? God Senku loves his friends)

And the way Senku never gives up on anyone. How he understands everyones limitations and never uses that against them – because as invincible he seems with his knowledge in science, man his stamina and strength are just ass. And so he helps them. He makes glasses for Suika and Kinro, a car for the children and elderly of Ishigami Village because they can't walk far distances, furnaces for them to keep warm during the winter. Hell, he even gave Homura cotton candy and she was literally affiliated with people who wanted him dead.

Senku disguises everything he does as just another science project. Something to take control of the people, something to make sure they're staying on task, but more than just that he shows them the beauty of science. Because Senku didn't have to go so far as to making fireworks on his own (until Chrome showed up) for everyone on Treasure Island and yet he did.

Because how can someone love something and not want to share it? Just because love isn't explicitly expressed doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. And Senku knows this more than anyone, because that's always how his relationship has been with this father. Because Byakuya understands that his son isn't into all that mushy stuff and yet he loves Senku so much. And he doesn't have to say it (though I'm sure he did for a time before Senku got tired of hearing it) because Senku knows Byakuya loves him.

How can he not? The man he has no blood relations to took him in, raised him, cared for him. Sold his car to buy science equipment for Senku. Encouraged him to delve deeper into his love for science. Supported him, believed in him. Not only prior to the petrification but even after – How can Senku not know what love is?

Senku sees science as both the object of his affection and as a means of expression. Because love is illogical, it makes people act differently and do stupid things – the intricacies of it are without rhyme or reason, and there's no use in trying to understand it. So if Senku can use science as a means of conveying his emotions – something based in facts and reasoning, that he knows will work ten billion percent of the time, then who can blame him?

[cosmic-ghost-hermit]

Heyo! All the art on these readings is drawn by me. Take what you can from the reading and leave all that does not resonate behind but always be open to new perspectives.

The archetype reading was inspired by the deck I used today. The guide book uses examples from anime to fit the descriptions of the tarot cards. I thought that was really clever so I decided to build off that idea and tell you what archetype you are most drawn to wants to tell you. In short, this is really a message from a specific cards energy. I hope this helps anyone who might be struggling!

PILE 1

Crystal: Tigers Eye

Character: Badtz-Maru

Archetype: The Empress

Astrology: Taurus ♉️, Libra ♎️, Pisces ♓️, Virgo ♍️

Dear pile 1, you are represented by the empress of this deck. The archetype you embody is someone who is luxurious, modest, kind and attentive. You care deeply for those you love and would do anything to assist them and make their life easier. You are a fantastic friend, partner and companion. You don’t necessarily have to be a woman to embody that energy. The message this part of you wants to tell you is that your kindness is being taken for granted. Your attentiveness is being discarded as if the love you gave isn’t worth anything. Your intuition is telling you to withdraw from the connection that is causing this. You maybe started this friendship or connection a while ago but you have started to notice this pattern from the other party in this relationship. They don’t return your love. They don’t say thank you when you go out of your way to be good to them. This doesn’t mean you should necessarily cut them off. Just don’t go out of your way anymore. They are undeserving if they cannot be grateful to you for all you do. I see if you did stop it would barely be noticed at first. However, the person will slowly realize how much you did to assist them. How much work you did was important and helped them get through the day easily. If they apologize and communicate they did wrong that won't necessarily be your queue to go back to scratching their back. You need to wait for them to lend their assistance to you. That will be your invitation to return to being kind. Until then use the extra time you have working on your passion projects and aiming for your dreams.

🖤✒️🔎💻🕋🛞♟️🎤🎼🎱🏴🪨🐕‍🦺🕶️🎩🐦‍⬛��🎵🎶♣️♠️🏴‍☠️👁️‍🗨️

PILE 2

Crystal: Flower Agate

Character: Keroppi

Archetype: The Devil

Astrology: Leo ♌️, Aquarius ♒️, Capricorn ♑️, Gemini ♊️

Hey pile 2! Your archetype is the devil. Don’t worry though, for this doesn’t make you evil or bad. All this communicates to me is you are an enjoyer of the darker parts of life. You enjoy what other people usually fear. This is definitely not something horrible you should shame yourself about. I see you probably enjoy altered states of reality or perhaps you are very free with your sexual expression. I see you like the taste of control, power and vengeance. Again not a bad thing in my mind. Humans have many states of being and no part of existence is incorrect. Your message from the devil archetype is not asking you to cold turkey your behavior. However, I think it is saying balance is super important when you dabble in darkness. You might be prone to addiction to literally anything you can get dopamine from. I am an addict as well. I know how hard restraint can be. Even doing this reading is giving me cravings to be honest so I know you deal with cravings constantly. Your cards are saying it doesn’t matter if you feed the addiction. You will always be starving for more. You will always be chasing something you can never achieve. Please take care of your body before the cravings lead to worse. When I was dealing with my addiction I ended up in the hospital multiple times. It would have killed me if I hadn’t stopped. It is okay to dabble in darkness but seriously I beg you, from the bottom of my heart please moderate. Moderation is key to keeping yourself safe. If you are meant to have the darkness, it will be in your grasp. If you are in need of a break. Trust the universe when it takes it away. You are not evil for needing. I want to reiterate that because I know how it feels to need something that hurts you.

💚🦈🪀🧃🍵🪦🥗🥒🥑🌪️🫒🍸🍏🥝☘️🌱🥈⚓️🪴🎍🐍🦎🚬👒🤢

PILE 3

Crystal: Carnelian

Character: Tuxedo Sam

Archetype: Emperor

Astrology: Cancer ♋️, Aries ♈️, Sagittarius ♐️, Scorpio ♏️

Hey, pile 3! Your archetype is the emperor. You are a force to be reckoned with. A master of your craft and skilled beyond other people's wildest imaginations. You have a plan and have been putting so much energy into it. You know exactly what you want and exactly how to get it. Your cards are pretty straight forward just like you are. They are telling me that working hard is good! That your progress is fantastic and you have made it so far! However, the pace you are keeping at is almost unsustainable. You can’t juggle all of the tasks you are trying to keep under control. You cannot do it all by yourself. That isn’t logical! Humans are not solitary creatures. We need community and connection to continue on. Humans who have been left alone for too long go hecking crazy! You absolutely can handle all of it mentally. I am not saying you are incapable because you are SO CAPABLE. Rome was not built in a day. Masterpieces are not made out of minutes, they are made out of days or months or years. You are creating a masterpiece so allow yourself time to think about it. Allow yourself the space to brainstorm and be patient with your body and your creativity. Be gentle with yourself. You are only one person and the secret you are missing is that you are not alone. The silly little secret is that you don’t need to set a deadline for the greatness you are going to grow into. One of my favorite artists didn’t make it when he was 20. He grew into his greatness when he was 35. Does that make him any less of a great artist? Absolutely not!!! You are cool, awesome and wonderful! Why do you need to prove that when you already know it is true?

💙💤🌀🪬🌨️🧿💎🚿🧊🫐🌊🌧️🌬️💨🌏🦋🪼🐬🧢🫂🥶💠

-ghost 🖤🩵

[vibratingskull]

I saw that your requests are open and thought I'd pop in :3

Seeing as it's mermay, perhaps a Mermaid!Reader/Thrawn sunbathing together?

Yayyyy ! Mermaids ❤️ The first draft was all over the place, going into deep lore stuff and I had to erase it and put on my big girl pants to make a short, sweet, and contained chapter!!! But I did it ☺️

fanarts by @germie2037 <3

Mermaid!Thrawn x F!Mermaid!reader

Tag: Nothing but fluff

You yawn a big time, stretching your spine and tensing all your muscles. 

Your body relaxes as you lazily bask under the sun’s rays in this tiny alcove between cliffs. Your tail floats in the salted water as you deeply inhale the surface’s air feeling at peace. You stretch your arms like a starfish, your hand inadvertently brushing Thrawn’s arm. You look at him and cannot help the smile creeping onto your face as you admire his relaxed, peaceful expression, his long hair draping his shoulders and running on the hard rock you both are laying on to bask in the warm sun.  

He is just so handsome... 

Sometimes you fail to understand how such a man can exist and how you managed to get him, but here he is... Preferring to lay silently with you instead of chasing power in your clan and family. As a Warrior Squads Leader he should be striving to gain more favors and political influence in the underwater capital, but in his own words: ”Those political dances and traps make me feel weary.”  

You chuckle slightly at that memory as your hand comes caressing his warm blue cheek tenderly. He immediately seizes it to press your palm against his cheek, snuggling against it until he decides he wants more than that! 

Holding your hand he rolls to the side to get closer to you and buries his face in the crook of your neck, his second arm sneaking around your shoulder to hug you tight against his massive body, almost choking you under the weight of his musculature. 

But you would not want it any other way. 

Your other hand comes to caress his hair tenderly with a light grin. You can feel his heart beating through his skin sending your own in a little frenzy. He starts kissing your neck and shoulder gently, leaving the softest pecks you ever received in your whole life, he rises up to your jaw and kisses his way to your chin, looming over your lying form. 

He hovers over you, his long black-blue hair framing his delicate features as the shadow projected on his face makes his red eyes shine even brighter. You both remain silent, devouring each other in the eyes. 

You gulp before such an imposing presence while his long and strong tail wraps itself around yours in a constrictive and intimate embrace, swimming together in the tepid water.  He slowly lowers himself to capture your lips lovingly, robbing you of all your air. His hand comes cupping your cheek soothingly, caressing your cheekbone with his thumb as he casually ravages your mouth, his tongue dancing and hugging yours.  

Between your gasped moans and the sound of waves, you can hear his purring start, pleased to have you in his arms, all to himself, and to be able to kiss you like he craved to do. You feel your gills opening wide to gather as much air as possible while he makes your head spin so easily. 

When he finally lifts his head back up a tiny string of drool links your two sinful mouths and you take a big breath. He chuckles lightly and brushes your noses together with his eyes shining so much his pupils disappear in a sea of red. 

“Ch’acah...” He murmurs almost to himself. 

“Yes?” You smile fondly at him with eyes pouring love. 

“Nothing... I simply wanted to call you my love.” He responds soflty. 

He lowers himself to rest his head on your chest, listening to your fast-beating heart as he hugs your waist tight in his arms. 

“We will soon need to go back, Ch’acah.” You remind him as you caress his wide back. 

He presses his face down harder and nuzzles his cheek on your bosom, decided to not move in the immediate future. 

“Five more minutes... They can take care of the Ascendancy without our help for once.”

@bluechiss @thrawnalani @justanothersadperson93 @al-astakbar @thrawnspetgoose @readinglistfics @elise2174 @debonaire-princess @twilekchiss @pencil-urchin@ineedazeezee @dance-like-russia-isnt-watching @obbicrystaleo @germie2037 @leo4242564 @davesrightshoe @holylonelyponyeatingmacaroni 

[necrotic-nephilim]

after seeing the poll about who in the batfam could be Deaf, I am now obsessed with how the masks could affect their sign. If they use their signing space differently when in the vigilante persona or not. Signing is so distinctive to each person that the code switching they do would be interesting to see play out in their ASL. Also thinking about what family signs the family would use to refer to batshit things in their lives. q

YEAH YOU GET IT.

(the poll in question) i am deeply fascinated by the mechanics in which Deaf culture could play into the Batfam. bc most of them are wearing masks that would heavily inhibit ASL (given ASL is an expressive language) so i think it's more likely they'd use something akin to Makaton or Military Hand Signals that are not a fully developed language, but a communication aid, with a given set of signs for the typical things that need to be communicated in the field. meanwhile they'd be more likely to use ASL casually. (i'm unsure who all in the Batfam is confirmed to know ASL, but i know at the very least Bruce and Tim are)

i'm also very drawn in by the idea of other firms of assistive communication/tech used aside from just ASL. i personally find it believable that the masks of any of the Batfam could include automatic captioning tech that only they see through the inside of the mask, similar to captioning glasses at movie theatres, if they were Deaf/HoH. also how you would modify the concept of comm links to be more accessible, potentially projecting the message visually through the person's mask or maybe a wrist communicator sort of situation, depending on their personal preference. how the Batfam in general would interact with each other if one or multiple of them were Deaf would be heavily shaped and i think it's so fun. and i *love* the thought of personal signs they'd have to come up with bc well, ASL is hardly equipped for their lifestyle. also fun to consider sign names and if sign names are unique to the person or unique to the mantle. (eg, would the sign name for Robin be specific to which Robin, or just the mantle at large) there's so many little things that would change and i just think it's Neat. most people are approaching the poll from the perspective of their character of choice having hearing loss from vigilante work (which is a super valid way to approach it and i love those headcanons) but personally i find it fun if the deafness is a pre-existing condition and already something the Bat has been dealing with for years and thus approaches vigilantism needing to modify their gear slightly from the standard norm. how they could influence how Bruce trains them, emphasizing other senses. how they'd likely be far more tactical on the field, pressing their hands against something to feel for noise, ergo their gloves may be designed to more easily pick up vibration. (cannot tell you how much i do that irl) whether or not they'd hide it from the larger hero world is also an interesting question. it's all a fun internal struggle as well, internalized ableism and all. so much you could do with it!!

[mrs-snape5984]

“Even if you cannot hear my voice, I'll be right beside you, dear…”

“To think I might not see those eyes, it makes it so hard not to cry. And as we say our long goodbyes, I nearly do…” (“Run” by Snow Patrol)

I guess, I have to flag this post with a trigger warning for some mentions of suicidal thoughts. Please skip the following three short paragraphs, if this might be hurting you. I’m sorry for that.

Since my condition is worsening, due to this goddamn bitch of a disease ME/CFS, my thoughts keep on wandering to some darker places…searching for a way out of this hell. And even though I’m telling myself, that I won’t leave my three children behind, I caught myself preparing for the final step.

Within the last two years, I’ve lost more and more of my freedom…my friends…my regular life…and myself. What’s left, is a life in darkness and solitude. Lying in bed day in, day out…struggling with pain and suffering from the increasing symptoms of this illness. Slowly wasting away…

I’ve set myself a limit…a point, in which I won’t endure the dilapidation of my body and mind any further. I don’t know, when this point of no return will come…but my limit is fixated.

In the course of these mental preparations, I’ve done something, which I deeply regret. I’ve told my closest friends…those, whom I love with all my heart…about these arrangements. As soon as I heard, that I’ve broken their heart with my wishes, I knew, that I’ve made a mistake….and I’m terribly sorry for that.

I’ve commissioned my friend @opalchalice for this beautiful piece of art, which shows my undeniably self-inserted OC Jules, consoling her husband Severus after unveiling exactly these preliminary arrangements, which I’ve mentioned to my friends, to him.

Well, as some of you know, I’m projecting my personal experiences onto the stories, I’m writing, as well as onto the artworks, I’m requesting from these talented and compassionate artists of our beloved Snapedom. So, this drawing shall be my apology to the friends, whom I might have offended and hurt with my thoughts and wishes. Please don’t forget, that I love you…and feel free to express your own boundaries towards me, whenever I’m going too far! I never meant to hurt your feelings…and I’m honestly sorry, that I already did.

Lia, I’m beyond grateful for your help to manifest my apologies and my attempt of consolation in your divine illustration. Please, don’t ever doubt your talent, my dear. I’m a sucker for your art and I will support you as long as I’m strong enough to go online for some time, no matter how restricted my abilities to bear screen time will be. Believe in yourself…because I do! You’re a true artist and a gem of a human being and my heart is filled with gratitude, that I was allowed to meet you here.

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤

[imagineitdearies]

firstly, perfect slaughter is so brilliant! you must be so proud with what you have created. your characterisation of Tyrus fits so well into the story and his relationship with Astarion is amazing. i don’t have the right words to express how much i love this.

one thing that also really stuck to me was cazador’s characterisation and his sick and twisted obsession with astarion and tyrus, you have clearly done so much research to understand his character.

which brings to my ask (apologies if you have already spoken about this): cazador says some really interesting things about astarion before the fight if you don’t bring astarion with you. it got me thinking about what are the factors that really drive cazador’s obsession with him specifically, considering most info the player gets is from astarion directly. i want to get your take on it, is it a deep rooted, subconscious fear/hatred that astarion has the capability to rebel, like in someways he is similar to cazador before he killed vellioth or is it more ‘simple’ as astarion is just the most fun to torment in comparison to others??

long ask, sorry

Hi anon! Thanks so much 😊 definitely feeling proud of PS, it's really shown me the high-level storytelling I'm capable of when I feel passionate enough about a project!

I think I've talked a bit about Cazador's obsession with Astarion but I'm not sure it was on my tumblr, so I'm happy to throw in my two cents! Like you've already listed out, though, there's multiple theories and likely all are true to some extent.

Thoughts below the cut:

When I think of Cazador Szarr, I think of how much fear can be a poison. A little of it is healthy, but when you let fear drive every decision you ever make, you're on a swift tunnel downward into all the no-good emotions: distrust, loathing, contempt, malice, sadism, etc, turned outward and inward. So yes, when you're a person who's let fear drive basically all your emotions and decisions, what kind of individual would make these ugly reactions flare up even more drastically? Yup, someone you fear. Now why would he fear Astarion extra--I have a few theories:

As you said, he sees Astarion's defiant nature (e.g. "the boy has always been troublesome" he writes in his journal) as similar to his spawn self, and therefore believes he has a similar potential to rebel and overthrow him. (This idea not only plays into Cazador's fears, but also his internal self-loathing.)

I like the fanon idea that Astarion shares a semi-similar personality and even physical traits with Vellioth, which certainly would trigger the hell out of Cazador and fuel the need to go extra hard on him out of anger, but also leftover fear.

When I meet the other spawn in bg3, there's just such a stark difference between Astarion from the very start of meeting him--he retained his sense of self in a way the rest really don't seem to have. They all act and talk a certain way, feel almost actually like siblings despite no physical relation, while he stands out like the black--silver?--sheep of the family. Therefore, outside of just his defiant nature, because it's not like he was always defiant with Cazador (i.e. Leon calling him a "lickspittle"), I'd argue Astarion simply has a resilient force of personality. He won't "drink the kool-aid" and lose himself in the name of survival. And maybe this is a hot take, but I think Cazador deeply fears ridicule and judgment. Having a spawn who retains a personality and even worse, opinions of him beyond fear and submission...how terrifying.

Of course, there are factors besides fear that could be examined. We cannot ignore Astarion's canon line: "He[...]did take special pleasure in my pain--he said my screams sounded sweetest." You can argue Cazador enjoyed Astarion's screams only for deeper, more contextual reasons like those outlined above, but I headcanon (and included in PS) that Astarion had the hard combination of a more resilient spirit but a lower pain tolerance than his siblings. So it was easier to get him screaming, but harder to truly break him, which is a hell of a lot more fun for a certified sadist like Cazador.

Alright, that's probably enough yapping from me! Cazador is quite the interesting beastie, isn't he?

[bengiyo]

She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat 2 Eps 9-12 Stray Thoughts

Last time, Nomoto and her new online friend had a watch party and discussed the nature of asexuality and homosexuality coexisting, and Nomoto shared about being in love with Kasuga; I'm a big fan of Yako. The ladies managed to connect more with Nagumo, and we learned she has an eating disorder where she can't eat in front of strangers. However, she did make donuts with them and took some home. Kasuga also managed to sever ties with her father after thinking about it and talking with other women. She asked if Nomoto would support her, and of course she did. I will never stop thinking about the Chosen Family scene.

Episode 9

Yes, Yako, coach her. We cannot let them exit this season without talking through their feelings for each other.

I have never identified with a character more than Yako. I would also enjoy my food and wine while watching my friend sweat over the crush.

Yako backstory! It really is hard in your teens when you are deeply out of alignment with other queers about sex.

The power went out and Kasuga immediately went to check on Nomoto. You love to see it.

NOMOTO IS WEARING ONE OF KASUGA'S SWEATERS, AND KASUGA JUST PULLED LINT FROM HER HAIR. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

Thank you, Nagumo! It would be awkward as hell to sit in this zone of lesbian love and not know what stage we were on!

We have verbal confirmation that Kasuga likes Nomoto! Nagumo, you are our champion! You have to get these two to the next level!!

Currently dwelling on Kasuga not lying when asked directly about her feelings. There's a difference between being out and letting people in, and I like that Kasuga told her truth to Nagumo.

Episode 10

Their project manager is at least being upfront with them that they're being asked to rebuild the entire app.

Sorry, Kasuga, but it's not often we escape compulsory heterosexuality and still have a positive interaction in a sales environment like this.

Nagumo, I love you. You have finally given us a reason to have Kasuga voice her thoughts aloud.

This show really said plainly that the presumption of heteronormativity hurts and upsets people who don't fit that mold.

I really love this show detailing how harrowing pining is when you don't know if the other person is queer and the relationship you've built means so much to you.

Episode 11

Episode 21, you aired on Valentine's Day. Please don't let me down.

This former Valentine's Day and White Day gifting tradition sounds tedious as hell.

I didn't expect Kasuga's family troubles to end with that one phone call, and here goes the aunt downplaying Kasuga's feelings and bulldozing over her expressed boundaries.

Okay, Mikami! Way to come through for my girls!!

I wanna have hotpot so bad right now.

I'm so nervous about these chocolates!!

Damn, this cake looks good. I like putting the whipped cream on the side.

Kasuga picked out different chocolates! I'm so proud of her!

Now, Kasuga, why would you go and crush me like that on Valentine's Day? I know why you need to move, but goddamn.

Episode 12

Invoices for raising her? Vile.

Queers apologizing for being selfish when they confess will never not make me cry.

I'm sorry I got a bit testy at the dramatic cliffhanger, Kasuga. You came through for me exactly the way I hoped. Y'all should definitely find a bigger place together and stay in touch with Nagumo.

"I am very delighted and also taken aback." She's like me and I love her.

Aww that was so beautiful, and she's still crying.

I'm so glad she told Sayama immediately. We stay winning.

Man, I just watched I Only Want to See You, and I'm feeling the same difficulty in the transition from friendship to romance in the relationship.

Yes, ladies, thank you for talking through telling others and reaffirming that this is definitely a romance. Let's make sure no one, especially the audience, misunderstands.

I love how Nomoto bursts into tears when she swoons.

Oh snap the whole squad is going to meet Yako next week!!!

We did it, y'all! We got to see them confess their feelings and start dating. I'm so looking forward to seeing their relationship grow and mature, and I'm actually looking forward to the move and the attendant drama that brings. I hope Nagumo doesn't end up thinking that asking about their relationship somehow cost her the relationship she's been building with them. This was an excellent week of episodes.

Big thanks to @furritsubs for making this possible.

[binders-and-beanies]

Attention PTV community!! I was inspired by @miwnet 's Motionless in White Appreciation Week, and have decided to do something similar for Pierce the Veil! Join me in sharing what this band means to you, using any form of expression you choose.

I would like for this to be during the week leading up to the one year anniversary of The Jaws of Life! The 7 prompts I've thought of are each dualities/opposites that I've noticed as running themes in PTV's lyrics. For any given pair of concepts, feel free to either choose one or the other, or create something that incorporates both! Personally I have made two separate gif sets for each day. The prompts are:

Day 1 (February 4): sun / moon

Day 2 (February 5): red / blue

Day 3 (February 6): light / dark

Day 4 (February 7): heaven / hell

Day 5 (February 8): sky / sea

Day 6 (February 9): hot / cold (or fire / ice)

Day 7 (February 10): love / death

Incorporate related lyrics, imagery, or both! Join in for any prompt that resonates with you, or make something for each day! I will be following the tags #piercetheveilappreciationweek, #ptvappreciationweek, #ptvweek, and any other PTV related tags to make sure I see and reblog what you've made!

Lastly, I want to add how much love and time went into this project on my end. I've made 196 gifs total these past few weeks, and digging into these parallels in PTV's music has healed something in me as well as making me even more insane about this band, if you can imagine.

I would love to see others' creations as part of this but even if no one participates, it's something I'm deeply proud of and cannot wait to share with you all. Hope to see some bangin PTV creations in February!

[good-to-drive]

what do you admire about each beatle?

I love this question!!! I think it's easy to experience the recognition of pain or maladaptive schemas as something like pity (or even an inherent criticism, if you're in the "nice people have nice feelings" camp), so it's good to reaffirm sometimes that people can struggle and still be admirable and that admirable people often struggle.

For the moment I want to set aside the fact that they were all immensely talented and successful because, as much as I do admire that, I think it probably goes without saying. Rather, I want to focus on what I find admirable on a personal level.

JOHN

With John, I think it's his high level of insight. Not just insightful in the normal sense -- although that's very true, too -- but insightful in the psychological sense.

“[Insight] encompasses at least three fundamental characteristics: the awareness of suffering from an illness, an understanding of the cause and source of this suffering, and an acknowledgment of the need for treatment.” via Harvard Review of Psychiatry

I know on the surface this might sound bland, but it's really, really not. It's hard to describe how significant it is to be able to say "I'm in a state of distress but I'm not going to shoot my mouth off because I know later I won't be" when you're actively reliving a childhood trauma, or "I was afraid of the fag in me" to describe his treatment of homosexual men, or "I beat my wife because I felt a need to control her," but suffice to say the average person won't achieve that level of self-insight, honesty, or emotional differentiation after years of therapy.

In a sense, insight is the ability to exist inside of a deeply distorted, deeply painful reality and realize that reality has been distorted and your perceptions cannot be trusted. It comes from a willingness to face your pain and do the horrible fucking work of untangling it, and John was so immensely dedicated to that work, even when the right methods may not have been accessible or even in existence.

I know the presentism in our perceptions of mental illness gives rise to stupid ideas like "if he really wanted to get better he would have," but the truth is it's so powerful to be faced with a severe illness that is hurting you and everyone around you and keep fighting it even when it's apparently hopeless. Most people don't do that.

PAUL

I'm having trouble finding the right word for the quality I most admire, but I think it might be "force of will."

An example would be pushing the beatles to keep going even after everyone else was starting to lose interest (we know via Ringo that we wouldn't have the last few albums without Paul), which is obviously an expression of work ethic and determination and commitment, but there's another quality there, too, that manifests in so many ways throughout his entire life. It's almost a kind of confidence, but not really, because I think we can fairly say that Paul had a lot insecurity, too.

Rather, I think it's the seed of belief necessary to pursue any creative field or ambitious project -- not so much that you always think you're going to succeed, but that part of you believes that it's possible and that you deserve it. People joke about Paul not being self-aware, but self-awareness is not a universally good thing, and part of the counterpoint to self-awareness is the ability to pursue your dreams. The courage to want things that you might never get, and to believe that you deserve them. Without that, you're not getting anywhere.

There's an expression that there's a day you're born and a day you find out why you were born, but I'd add the caveat that figuring out why you were born is meaningless unless you have the guts to do something about it. And Paul definitely had guts.

GEORGE

This is another quality that's a bit hard to describe, but I think what I'm trying to articulate is the act of reaching out to other people and creating points of connection. Or, the desire and courage to do so.

Obviously there are stories about how empathetic he was, such a good listener, compassionate, interested in other people, etc. But I think this quality also manifests in how widely and deeply loved he was by his contemporaries, how forming long-lasting friendships and then doing the work to maintain those friendships was such a defining aspect of his life. How he seemed happy to have intense relationships with others as an equal or as a student, not just as their boss or idol. He genuinely wanted to connect to people on an individual level, as peers, and to support them and be supported.

There's also a conversation to be had about how earnest he was about his beliefs, which I know some people find cringey or even didactic, but you could also argue that earnestly expressing what you believe without indirection or plausible deniability is a very sincere bid for connection. Earnestness opens you up to mockery and fault-finding, and a lot of people absolutely find it off-putting, but it's also the only real cure for isolation. And it seems clear that George did not want to be isolated, he wanted to experience sincere connections with the people and the world around him.

There's also probably a conversation to be had about humor as a bid for connection, and how his tendency to take himself lightly is more an extension of that earnestness than a counterpoint to it, but that's a discussion for another day.

RINGO

I know people often admire his level-headedness and his patience -- and it's true that he's almost superhuman in that respect -- but, to be honest, I think that may partly be an expression of Ringo's addictive personality and emotionally neglectful childhood which arguably put him in a position of being extremely distanced from his own emotions/needs. Not that I don't think it's impressive to be able to absorb nearly infinite distress, but I don't necessarily admire it.

Rather, what's more admirable to me is his capacity for change.

I always find him the most relatable, not so much because I find him similar to myself (though that's also true), but because he's such a typical Male Figure in my social context. He's a total stand-up guy who would give you the shirt off his back and then turn around and be, by his own account, absolutely horrible to his wife and children. Which is a bizarre contrast, but also a very common one, and in a way I think that perceived normalcy makes him feel almost touchable to a lot of us. Like he of all the beatles actually existed in the real world, or at least in a world that exists for us as well.

I also think the sheer normalcy of "nice guy who's not so nice to his family when he's been drinking" creates the illusion that he's not worth exploring and that's why so many people ignore him in their quest to understand the group, but that's also a conversation for another day.

What's sort of profound and incredible about him, though, isn't existing in the real world but changing his world. Moving from someone deeply familiar, close enough to touch, to someone untouchable but inspiring. What I'm saying is that he got sober after decades of heavy drinking and, apparently, has stayed sober for thirty years. Which seems to heavily imply that he likes being alive more than he likes being numb, which is a major accomplishment for anyone with an addictive personality.

It's like he started here on earth with the rest of us, and then stepped through a portal into a different reality, and ceased to be at all touchable or real but instead became aspirational, or happy. It makes it seem like that aspirational, untouchable world could become touchable to all of us, too. Like it's not our inherent nature that makes us happy, not the world we're in right now, but the capacity to change our world by changing ourselves.

[noses-in-winter]

sorry just #cryin a little under the cut, I guess tw for some brief and generally vague mention of medical trauma

I was doing SO well a handful of months ago and really felt completely happy to my core for the first time in my life--that kind of "oh, THIS is what people say is gonna come if you just manage to weather through the difficult times" kinda happy

I was organized, I was productive, I was doing well with my work and with college, I was journaling and reflecting and improving myself, I was writing a ton of my own personal projects as well as RPs that bring me so much joy--- God dude I was doing SO WELL

and I feel like total garbage for making this a "but me!! :(" thing, because I know I'm not the one ACTUALLY suffering in this situation---but I had what I've only recently started to recognize as a traumatic event where (to summarize), a close family member had a medical emergency while just I was there late at night, and long story short is that the next several days were extremely awful and tense, and even though everything is okay now, I feel like I just haven't been able to untense since then, and I have not felt even a semblance of that inner peace I was finally feeling and idk like I said I feel awful for thinking this way but I just keep feeling like "I was doing so well then THIS shit happened and I'm back to square one"---like Christ I feel like things are worse now! I've struggled so much with deep-seated anxiety and shame for years, but the past few months have just been getting worse and worse with it---every single time I feel like I'm annoying/disappointing/failing etc ANYONE I just completely shut down and cannot function, I just retreat into this internal echo chamber of examining every reason that people could possibly have for thinking I suck or I'm embarrassing or I have stupid ideas that people just pretend to like

I'm just so so tired of how much it hurts everything in me to feel like this all the time and I don't know how to fix it or if I even can, and this is stupid but I'm so angry at God and the universe for giving me a few months of feeling really genuinely fulfilled, and then just taking it back so harshly and abruptly I want to go back to enjoying my life and being sociable and having fun and writing and having connections, and I really cannot express how debilitating it is to constantly feel "I'm wasting time, I'm wasting time, I'm wasting time, I'm wasting time, I'm wasting time that could be spent with the people I care about and so deeply enjoy but I can never say more than 5 words to anyone without overanalyzing every single thing that I feel I did wrong"

I don't even know where to start putting my psyche and soul back together, I just want to do the things I love again without feeling like I'm the worst, or I'm failing people, or I'm annoying, freaking ANYTHING, and I know that healing that part needs to come from inside of me, but Christ I wish I could just hire someone to give me step by step instructions for taking my life back and not being so weighed down by shame and how to be better for myself and the people around me because the only thing I want to BE is better

okay sobsesh over, ty

[ly-art]

Chapter 22 of my Solavellan fic (very proud of the end)

So I'm updating my Solavellan chapter and I'm so proud of the end. I even gave it to my bf to read, and he's a big critic that ass, and he said he got goosebumps and loved it. I almost cried! I'll put a snippet beneath the link!❤️

That was the moment Amatisha saw red. Rage, pure and unfiltered, surged through her veins. Every nerve in her body ignited with the overwhelming desire to kill them both. Her hand burned, the Anchor flaring to life, its power a tempest that matched her fury. *Yes,* a voice whispered in her mind, dark and insidious. *Revenge. Justice. Death.* She didn’t care that this was just a vision. She would make it real. She would make them bleed. Her steps were slow, deliberate, her senses heightened to a razor-sharp edge. She could hear the blood flowing from the corpses, feel the heat of the lava that had scorched the cave. She knew she was being manipulated, but she didn’t care. When she felt the familiar surge of power trying to take control, she pushed it back, swatting it away like an annoying insect. *Nice try, asshole.* The presence snarled in frustration. "You foolish woman! You cannot use my power! You *need* me!" *Watch me,* she hissed back, her focus narrowing on June. Her fist clenched so hard that her nails punctured the skin, blood trickling down her palm. She moved with lethal precision, her body imbued with a power that felt both foreign and deeply familiar. With one well-aimed punch, she felt the satisfying crunch of bone as her fist collided with June's jaw, sending him flying across the cave. He crashed into the wall with a force that shook the ground. Sylaise screamed, a sound of pure rage and shock, as her lover groaned in pain. She turned to face Amatisha, but her eyes went right through her, unable to see the threat that had just struck. Amatisha grinned, a wicked, feral expression. *Can’t see me, huh?* She grabbed Sylaise by the throat, lifting her effortlessly as the goddess’s skin sizzled beneath her touch. "Who? What is this...? Why can’t I... see... you?" Sylaise’s voice was choked, her once-flaming eyes now wide with fear and confusion. "This... Fen'... Harel? No... but... he... Mythal..." Her words were disjointed, her power flickering, fading. "My power. Can't... use—" "That’s right," Amatisha growled, squeezing harder, the sound of Sylaise’s strangled gasps a twisted melody. "Worthless trash doesn’t deserve to live, right? So it’s only fair if I crush you to dust, too." Sylaise’s gaze suddenly sharpened, her eyes finally focusing on Amatisha as if her words had pulled her into focus. "You... who...?" But before Amatisha could answer, she felt a soft, gentle touch at her hand, a voice calling her back from the brink. "Come back, Amatisha." She looked at Sylaise one last time, her rage slowly ebbing as she heard June coughing, struggling to rise from the crater his body had made in the cave wall. "Lucky for you," she hissed, letting go of Sylaise, who crumpled to the ground like a broken doll. As she closed her eyes, she could still see the hatred and surprise in their eyes, the unspoken question that lingered in the air. *Who are you?* When she opened her eyes again, she was met with Solas's shocked face. She pulled away from him, breathing heavily, her body trembling with the aftershocks of the vision. A quick glance at her hand revealed the bandages had burned away, blood staining her skin—blood she knew wasn’t her own. Blood trickled from her nose, but she didn’t care. It was almost normal now. Solas’s eyes followed her gaze, his breath hitching. "How did this come to be? What did you see? Your hand was intact while I held it!" Amatisha’s rage still simmered beneath the surface, but she managed to grit out, "Sylaise and... June." Solas paled, his expression one of utter disbelief. "You saw two of the elven gods? What happened?" A grin tugged at her lips, grotesque and bloody. "I almost killed her. Seems like I’m capable of much more than we both thought." Solas took a step back, his voice trembling. "This is... impossible. By the gods, what are you?" His words, born of fear, struck a chord within her. She had never imagined Solas, of all people, could be afraid. Spitting out the blood pooling in her mouth, she looked him in the eye and replied, "A nightmare."