#i can't wait to get more content when the movie comes out for the Aesthetic for dewitt

[grievedifferent]

How do you feel about the dn demo musical depiction’s of Light? Specifically this song where’s the justice, just out of curiosity!

oh man, this is hard for me, and i'm definitely in the minority here. this literally could be just said yes or no but i also cannot not write 100 paragraphs:

i've kind of avoided it really addressing any LA adaption of DN (the best imo was the one that came out when i was in HS but the big deal about that was that the english cast actually did the dub for it and it was a theater release, i also wasn't looking for "good content", i was looking for more death note content in america when streaming wasn't as accessible, manga had to be illegally torrented or bought from a bookstore, etc. i come from a different time of media in a way than what a kid these days would go into. my nephew just got into death note and watched the whole thing right away, whereas i was waiting for releases of episodes and books thus having to sub in any content while i waited for the real thing.

i think childhood restrictions versus as an adult, i can stream any specific death note content i want basically at any time, makes a huge difference in how i perceived this media, thus why i'd "give the original a pass" but even that is ... i mean, it changes a lot, i don't know if light was cast correctly (though i don't really mind their L, i do like that actor so maybe that's a bias thing idk) but basically ... i don't really like any iteration that's live-action of any series that is typically animated. yes, there are exceptions, i think also that there is a divide in animated media of like "this would translate well to the screen in a live adaption format" versus "this looks goofy as hell, we can't make it realistic without diluting it but we can't stay true to the source material without pushing it into almost a goofy uncanny valley scenario that takes away central focus". take a series like ... idk, dbz. that's so hard to make live-action. now, take death note. that should be so easy, ryuk is the most complicated part of this project imo, like most of this story is just two guys' inner narratives fighting (stares into the void of the silence that is death note if you remove the narrative). yet, it always fails, or just never lands, or stays in japan only, etc. americanized versions flop or are taken off the table before they're allowed to really make it through any production. even the bioshock live-action adaptions have been promised for forever (don't get me started on this one haha).

is this to say that i think no animated material should be translated to live-action? not necessarily. but if it was supposed to be live action in the first place, why is the media of animation even necessary? some stories, to me, have to be animated in the way some stories have to be games or have to be novels or have to manga or have to be movies. adaptions are great, i get that, but like ... they usually just miss the mark. it's so rare to get a "live one".

like, ouran should have been easy to make a live-action, but so many of them have failed. arguably, the stage play is solid, which also ... ouran kind of lends itself to that, right? i'm not really considering stage plays as a whole. imo they always have better casting at least aesthetically and the props / costuming / etc is always superior. the yyh live action stage play is way more structurally sound in its aesthetics than the netflix adaption.

here is also my problem generally with other people taking properties in general and remaking them: they're always through a fan's eyes. that's great, i love fans, but also, sometimes i think it's almost better ot have someone that isn't a fan. it allows the lens of fanon to disappear, the fog of headcanon or "i think". sure, some adaptions have had the creators come back, even the original casts, but it's always awkward, isn't it? why is that? because that creator has not cared or touched that property save for some promo images maybe yearly or some callbacks or something because they have moved on. coming back? they aren't in the mindset they were writing it originally. they'll likely want to rewrite and change things. sure, it's "canon" because it's that author, but their intent is likely different now, or they just simply cannot remember the series the way they used to.

so that brings me here:

i was also never a theater person, my taste in musicals is kind of weird maybe or just small ... but getting more diverse bc of otter who lettered in theater LOL so i have more understanding of like what is theater especially compared to like ... what is movie production and tv show production, etc, then splitting into animation versus live action, so. now we're here:

the actual musical. i think that most retellings of death note really just cannot capture yagami's character be it in the acting or the intention. he is written so specifically by ohba and drawn so specifically by obata which is then translated into an animated style that's supposed to reference obata (it falls in that early 2000s thing, give it a pass rip) and basically, aside from maybe glossing up the ending a bit in a way that i think is pretty pivitol (yagami is given no pity in the manga, he's put down more honorably in the anime, which idc about i like that he barks like a dog and cries in the manga, but what i like in the anime is the scene where his dying self passes his younger self ... it's very intense to me). so, then you take mamoru's interpretation of yagami, the first one we get that isn't just text, and it's literally perfect. brad comes in second and nails it. they are arguably different yet so similar, i describe brad as accurately making yagami sound more natural in english than most can when relying on a japanese source. he just gets it, and he intentionally does emulate mamoru. i've spoken to him about this actually.

now, while i might not be a huge theater musical person, i love music. it's my main inspiration! i listen to it daily, it's a huge part of my life, and i'm not a musician at all.

lyrically, i get it. it's a little pointed, but i understand the message. it's fine as a song on its own, it's not like bad to me, but i have such a hard time seeing light as a character that sings. ironically, mamoru and brad can both sing (mamoru sings a lot in his roles, but think tamaki from ouran, while brad was in a band for a long time!). so, in a way, it's not really right or wrong for me to say one way or another that light is a bad singer or a good singer. i can see him having to go to karaoke socially, so maybe he is a good singer, or picks songs just in his range to "appear good enough" to get the pass a pretty boy.

overall, i'm not like anti musicals, nor am i anti-stage plays of anime because i think they're very pretty to look at and some (like mp100's for example) have huge creator input (and he is fresh off that project or was at the time) with like actual mob's VA (who the creator has said is mob) playing mob in the stage play with content that is considered basically exclusive but canon, like they "did something" with that whole stage play to add to the experience of mp100 and made each show different, so like, go all the way or not, right? again, kny, every anime has had a stage play, and typically you'll just see higher production in japan, but i also come from a time where i was pirating live action cutie honey and mirrored animated lucky star on youtube before it was "youtube" as we know it, so maybe my experiences are so specific that it's hard for me to adapt.

i'm so manga and anime focused that it's hard for me to sit here and say "well, i disparage these versions" but i can be at least honest and say that none have (to me) held a candle to the original property. how can you? it's old now, so it's nostalgic, and it's iconic, so it has a lot going for it.

i actually also have to somewhat contradict myself here, i think if ohba went all in maybe something could happen because we see such solid continuity in the one-shots we get every 100 years from him, so idk. this is a rare thing to have, i think. like, look at rumiko and the follow-up series to inuyasha. she's done with inuyasha, so she didn't go back. eithe way, i don't think it would have landed well regardless if she was on the project.

tl;dr: it's not necessarily "for me" but i'm not anti any DN content. i'm just manga first, then anime second for my inspo. if i wasn't, i might go insane keeping track of the details of every iteration, especially playing not only the MC but also other characters (especially BB, he changes depending on where you're sourcing him from, which is why the novel is one of the few fanon pieces i accept as canon bc they make a point to mention it in the anime when it originally listed as "that case" in the manga when L refers to naomi and he working together in the past).

i get why we want more ... but i am also a person who's like "i've seen the story told the way it was intended, it was good the way it was, i liked it as it was, and it's okay for things to end". i'm like this with remakes, too. it's rare that a remake is necessary to me. but i understand the appeal as a logical person, it doesn't not make sense to me why it's a draw in for a crowd.

[petrichoraline]

For the honest answer ask game: what's the history of your blog? (this really just includes how/when you began blogging on tumblr, content, your interactions and your special moments on here etc; whatever you wish to prioritize for the ask in context).

honest hour question answered 3 days later <3 truly hope the wait was worth it love hahah

as someone who's gone through my archive already, you know i started out as a bts fan account in 2015. (my previous blog is not gonna be discussed for the simple reason that it's barely relevant to this one)

i believe i used to tag and organise my reblogs? there was a time where i cared enough and i loved srolling through my own blog, i stopped enjoying that when i became more involved w/ fandom on here and things weren't aesthetics based anymore. i don't like going through it that much now. i used to play around with themes, search for them, tweak colours and fonts for hours. after i returned years later there was an issue with the editor so now i can't change my theme at all and it sucks cause i just want to edit a few things.

so it started of as a bts fanblog, then i started rb-ing other kpop stuff, maybe afterwards i started sharing gifsets from movies and series i liked? as for fandom, i had a good amount of mutuals - accidentally became one with a girl from my country, we went out once and it was very nice <3 procrastinated and lost track fo tag games back then too lmaoo i felt a lot of dissatisfaction over it so i try to do everything now with my current fandom :)

back then is when i started reading fanfiction - i believe my first imagine was a taegi one where v was an artist and yoongi a photographer lol i stumbled upon it on the dash randomly and i got introduced to ao3 a bit after

iirc for the following years after i'd stopped stanning bts, i used to come back either relatively often or once in a blue moon - in the beginning i was just enjoying wtv my dash was offering me or seeking out specific stuff, then i started using it as a tracklist of what shows i've watched haha, no tags, just rb after finishing a show.

i started engaging with fandom around the release of episode 5 of kinnporsche, i read a bunch of posts on here, then tms2 came around and i got even more into reading people's takes..at some point i started talking to people i guess hahah i don't even know when i started trying to put out content, so to say, i just know i was doing screenshot posts short before i found myself pushed to attempt gifs and that was after big dragon had just finished airing.

then i started my giffing journey. had support from @gillianthecat whom i loved giffing paulnice for. honestly that and the discussions we had were such an important part of me having fun with this site and keeping it up. and @joyladagang, my self-proclaimed #1 hype woman, made me feel super welcome. then i got even more moots, at some point i started reaching out or actively reciprocating others attempts at getting closer (though i had been active in discussions before that, i just mean i got a bit braver and started acting more familiar with everyone (esp w/ ppl i got closer to through @joyladagang like @cankersoregirl, @feralmuskyscentedhoepran, @loserlesbianongsa etc.)

i'm grateful to a lot of people on here, truly. it's not supposed to be a shoutout post so i won't be tagging any more people (esp since i would have to tag everyone who follows me plus a bunch of people i follow which..it's a bit much) but i'm genuinely thankful for each person that enjoys my rants, gifs, theories or wtv the things i post classify as, whether they found a post by accident or follow the blog. and i'm grateful to the creators i follow, and i'm happy to talk to so many sweet, smart and funny individuals on various topics daily.

so this is where my blog is at right now - trying to do a bit of everything and talking a bit with everyone. my issue, tbh, is i'm trying a bit too hard to satisfy everyone which sounds ridiculous but i am a bit of a people pleaser at times so it checks out lol

[inkedkoi]

Remaining Questions & Final Thoughts

Continuation of "Hold On To “What If”: Overanalyzing and Rewriting Sonic Prime" essay

[Once Again, spoilers for Sonic Prime, all media here belong to their respective creators.]

✨//🌻//✨

Remaining Questions

Here are all the remaining questions I have about the show! These are more up to debate, since it's most likely it wasn't fully fleshed out in the writer's room, but I did want to add them here anyway:

Can the Shards break into smaller pieces? Is it possible to drain all the energy from the Shards? And, if so, what would happen to the Shatterspaces?

Why was there 5 Eggman “look-alikes” in a single Shatterspace?

Transcript:

Mr. Doctor Eggman: “Five makes one. One makes five.”

[S1 EP1]

Did Eggman make clones of himself but at different ages? Did they exist just because it gave more motivation for the Rebellion and Nine to stand up for themselves when Boscage and No Place didn’t need it? Is this the ray of light allegory, when light shines through a prism and it scatters? Or could the Prism has been broken before cycle theory be true? Or, just like Sonic, Eggman being close to the Prism affect his "look-alikes"?

What did this frame even mean???

no, like seriously, was it for aesthetic reasons or what? That he's gay? (the answer is yes, yes he is. GET GAY BEAMED YOU HOT TOPIC WANNABE)

Final Thoughts

I've been watching Sonic Prime being created ever since Day 1. Of course, I haven't been able to see any leaks of it, they kinda ruin the fun of it all. But I've been hyped ever since the first trailers came out. The multiverse thing has been all the craze for movies and shows, this was no different.

As I said at the beginning of this essay, Sonic got a bit of my interest years ago but I never went further into it. That was until Prime and Frontiers caught it again. I've heard about how the Sonic fandom was toxic and such, but I know it doesn't apply to all of the fans, so I decided to give Sonic a chance. Besides, I've learned to not take things too seriously, after all it's just a speedy blue hedgehog going on adventures. You should've seen me a year ago, I binged through:

Snapcube fandubs

Fadel's (GamesCage) playthrough of Frontiers

IDW comics

sonadow (the OG red and blue couple)

every playthrough I was able to find, in 2x speed, in the background while I was doing college assignments

both Sonic movies

Sonic X

Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog (I even made some art of it with Ace Attorney characters, Link)

Sonic Central and live streams

and I bought my first ever piece of Sonic merch (yes, it counts)

Hey, I was (and still am) a Ace Attorney girlie. So, entering into the Sonic fandom, it was kind of familiar in some ways. The two starve for some content, at times being years of waiting. Just as in any fandom, people may have arguments here and there but when it counts, people come together and enjoy the moment.

When it comes to Prime, I had a fun time. It’s the type of show that you just want to sit down and just be silly. There were times that got me hyped (like the references, Prismatic Sonic 2nd form, Shadow every single time he comes up on screen), and times that I really got me audibly going "aww" (like the Rose sisters, Sonic being silly lil' goof). Then there are all the times I was SCREAMING like a fangirl (...because of the sonadow moments).

listen, i can't help it if i see my boys on screen, okay? just look at them

You know, when I made this, I didn't expect it to be this long. After all, I planned to post my silly little theories before I went abroad for a few months. Instead, I went into maximum overdrive, explaining why Prime had so much potential and how most of it happened was because of the fans, both the viewers and the ones working within the show. There definitely unsung heroes that deserve so much recognition. I would like to personally thank Erik Wiese, one of the people who truly cared for the show. It's not just him though, so many workers on the show also happened to be Sonic fans.

💬 "The fans know how to do it better than the creators themselves..."

I think this applies to Prime. Again, I don't have anything against SEGA or anyone working in the Sonic franchise. But I think a great show in general is one where the crew is willing to give it their all for the fans. That it isn't just another show or cash-grab, but a passion project for the franchise. Something by fans, for the fans. As the song "Live & Learn" goes:

"(Live and learn!) Hanging on the edge of tomorrow; (Live and learn!) From the works of yesterday; (Live and learn!) If you beg or if you borrow; (Live and learn!) You may never find your way!"

So, TL;DR: I didn't think I would be more invested in writing a whole essay about Sonic Prime than in my college thesis but here we are! (holy shit-)

Thank you so much for bearing with me rambling about a silly blue hedgehog and his friends! Likes, Reblogs, and Comments are always appreciated. Again, let me know if you want me to rewrite all of Prime. As always, remember to:

drink water

get some food

stretch

take your meds

get some rest/a break

Now, if you excuse me, I'm going to stare at my bedroom ceiling and think about how Shadow is giving me gender envy—

Take care, my dear fellows, and I'll see you all next time!

Previous Part || Masterpost

[mvncesa]

what if I said fuck it and drop frank as booker’s fc & use hugh jack/man from his new movie because like ... do ya’ll see this ?? mr. booKER S. DE WITT ??!

[timmymyluv]

moon song.

FAKE INSTA.

FC: rose of blackpink

kpop idol fem! reader x timothée chalamet

hi everyone - the long awaited marriage blurb? sorry it took so long I did hit a bit of a creative block and felt it could get too repetitive and I'd run out of ppl to interact without it becoming shallow/boring so enjoy!

please comment and interact it means the world to me. like, reblog, comment and follow me if you want to see more content from me. mwah!

yourusername

liked by jodiewoods,alanabc,taylorrussell and 70.0m others

rehearsals

lanacondor my bestieee is getting marriedddd oh my god I'm going to cry

user76 lana is so cute I love their friendship

user913 who's maid of honour omg I wonder

bpinyourarea it has to be jennie or lisa I swear

pinkchalamet all ik is pauline is a bridesmaid with certainty

liked by yourusername

bellahadid my angel 🦋🦋so proud and excited for u and ur love for what the future awaits

evanmock when u throw the bouquet I better catch it this time or else

taylorswift sound the wedding bells 🔔🎊

swiftie146 TAYLOR WEDDING SINGER CONFIRMED

ysl 🖤

instauser528 so cute that's her custom ysl jacket but timo wore it to an event last month

voguefrance felicitations mon amours 💗

tchalamet

liked by hallebailey, denisvillneuve, calebmaclaughlin and 45.6m others

florencepugh ok mister no caption 🙄

tchalamet 😁

zaweashton congrats xoxo

yourusername ty zawe 🫂🫂sending hugs and kisses to ur lil bebe and tom 💗

lauriesgirl omg that possessive hand around her thigh

dunechalamet like he's claiming she's mine and I am his wheww

officialrebeccaferguson congrats to you both!

yourusername so excited to see you soon!

ynsplanet SOON?!? IS REBECCA GONNA BE INVITED TOO A STAR STUDDED WEDDING IM SHOOK

yourusername

liked by zendaya,florencepugh, saoirse_ and 69.8m others

views for days

tagged tchalamet

oliviarodrigo SO EXCITED CANT EVEN WAIT

conangray this is my superbowl

user28 this is my joker too fr

lauriesjo the aesthetic straight out of Pinterest I love my parents

username719 her tagging timmy like he's the view himself 😌

timmysgirl I mean look at him hello?

selenagomez can't wait! ❤️

josephineskriver 🔥🔥🔥

ynchile the steamy emoji did the rehearsal get borderline pg-13 or more 😵‍💫🤣🥴🥵

enews

liked by honeymoon, jesserutherford, and 5.6m others

it's official- actor timothée chalamet and singer-actress y/n l/n have tied the knot during their star studded destination wedding. photos are sparsely being released by the ultimate private couple but can you spot any other celebrities partying at this event of the season?

tagged yourusername, tchalamet

townandcountry ❤️

theknot 🎉🎉🎉

mayahawke congrats you two!

milliebobbiebrown hooray you lovebirds!!

phoebedyevnor 🏝️

simoneashley congratulations to the happy couple 💗

somsomi0309 HAD THE TIME OF MY LIFEEEEE WITH MY BESTIEEESSSS

kpopfan82 skdkd somi definitely got turnt at the wedding esp the reception

somesomi HAVE U SEEN HER IG STORIES FROM THE AFTER PARTY SKDKD THE YN AND TIMO KISS THEN SOM BUSTING IT DOWN ON THE DANCE FLOOR

deuxmoi

liked by timofans07, burner824, firepuma27 and 2.4m others

someone sent in this spotting of a number of a-list celebrities in a private resort in the south of France who are all gathered for the dress rehearsal before the well-awaited Timothee and Y/n wedding this weekend. tune in and check out our new podcast episode!

tagged yourusername,tchalamet, florencepugh

dunechalamet maybe mind your own business and stop invading their privacy 😤😐

liked by yourusername

randomuser is it really that private and exclusive if someone was able to sneak in like this?

user924 I mean its peak of the summer I'm sure other people can come to that resort too if they can pay for it 😭

usernamehere ok true true

ynfandom oh my god is yn gonna be pregnant soon what about the tour what about the music or her upcoming movie roles

username32 idk if she's ever talked about wanting kids but it's none of our business

ynsgermany ok yeah we leave them alone and let her be happy if she wants to focus on her career or her own family she's a grown woman she can do what she wants 🙄

user731 normalize not expecting women to get pregnant and have kids if they don't want to! 🙏

ynallover didn't she talk about not wanting kids during that one radio interview years ago I mean her opinions can change

fluentlyforward def not a pr stunt!

chalchalamet92 go away troll loser who can't do anything else but talk trash on other people's lives boo

tchalamet

liked by justineskye, whitneypeak, jennierubyjane and 68.9m others

💍

theweeknd 🖤

yourusername thnx abel 🥳loved seeing you this weekend

billieeillish y'all deserve this happy ending

liked by tchalamet

anyataylorjoy hugs and kisses to our newly married couple!

niallhoran woohoo congrats! 🎉

megantheestallion hot girl summer no more!

yourusername it's cuffed girl fall soon ☺️

florencepugh simp

tchalamet 😌

[boogiewrites]

Seeing Stars Part 10

Characters: Eddie Munson x OFC Star

Summary: Star hosts a Halloween-themed Hellfire Club at her home. In an attempt to bond with the group. She plays hostess and cooks, finding herself genuinely enjoying the domestic tasks. Eddie creates a one-off Halloween campaign. They eat, drink, smoke, and play Truth or Dare where avoided public kisses and questions are finally addressed. They settle in for the night with horror movies, but Eddie and Star can't seem to pay attention.

Comment & Reblog to let me know you like it and want more Eddie content!

Part 1 if you missed it!

Warnings/Triggers: Friendship. Fluff. Hurt/comfort if you squint. Secrets revealed. Drinking, smoking, roughhousing, kissing. A chapter giving you more dialogue with the rest of the group. I wanted to write more friendship-themed stuff for Eddie with this story as well. So this is me doing that for my own selfish reasons. :) Also sorry about the delay, I've been sick so I've not been writing. I'm still recovering but I'm fine. I thought this was WAY shorter than it was, having a second part still planned to add to this chapter but when I saw how long it was already I decided to post this. Don't worry, what I had planned will still be in the next chapter.

A compromise had been reached for Halloween plans. The boys would get their night of indulgent debauchery, belching, and flatulence from takeout and trick-or-treat candy without judgment. They could talk without the concern for a woman's ear to hear their unfiltered adolescent thoughts. So tonight, a Halloween edition of the Hellfire Club was meeting at Star's house. They'd play, eat, drink and watch horror movies so she could feel included. She was trying her best to bond with the guys, even if the road had been a little bumpy. There were still Halloween festivities to be had at the harvest festival, and surely there would be a party or two to crash come the weekend. But in the meantime, Star was playing hostess and very much enjoying the newfound role.

Star was bopping around the kitchen inside the house she shared with Robbie. Her socked feet slipped on the busy pattern linoleum floors to ease her dance moves. The original 1950s decor was aging but held a certain charm that Star didn't mind. Robbie just ignored it to be perfectly honest, decor wasn't exactly an issue for him. He'd bought the house because it was within budget and didn't need any structural repairs. That's where his concerns lie. He was moseying around and getting ready to head out to work and waiting to meet the club. She was elbow-deep in juggling saucepans on the stove while stocking the fridge. She was singing The Supremes, her hair pulled up and hips knocking to close drawers to the beat.

Robbie stood unnoticed in the doorway to the kitchen, its shabby old paint and worn cabinet edges perfectly functional but leaving something to be desired aesthetically. He watched his little sister with a grin, she’d never been what he’d call a happy child. The life she’d lived after that hadn’t given her too many reasons to be a happy adult.

“When do you plan on apologizing to me?” He asks with a nod of his head, almost hitting the top of the door frame.

“For what?” Star spun around, sauce on her cheek and a messy spoon in hand.

“You remember how when I told you we were moving here? And you threw a fit and told me I was ruining your life?”

Star grinned, her whole face beaming as she turned back around the stove.

“Yeah, I remember that.” She groaned.

“Being as this is the happiest I’ve seen you since you were little… I think you owe me an apology.”

“Okay, I’m sorry.” She admitted with a wave of a spoon. “I didn’t expect to find friends here. Or new hobbies. Or anything besides cows and corn.”

“You forgot a new boyfriend. A good one this time.” Robbie leaned in to tease her.

“Shut up.” She pushed him away with her hip and then proceeded to lift her leg to kick him back. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

“Oh sorry, husband.” He laughed.

“He’s not that either.”

“The fact that you didn’t say a name or ask me who tells me all I need to know.” a smug smile grew with body language of the same description.

“Only one guy comes around. Who else is it gonna be?”

“Yeah, the guy you’re fucking and staying at his house and making god damned pancakes with his family. NOT your boyfriend? Okay.” he rolled his eyes.

“He’s my best friend.” She urged.

“The best relationships start that way, Star. I’m not one to vouch for any guy but this one’s good. He’s not your ex.” He saw her excitement fade quickly. “I didn’t mean to bum you out, sorry.” He put a hand on her shoulder.

“I know. I’m just… still sensitive about it is all. I try not to think about it and when I do it all hits me hard. I know he’s not Bobby. But it’s too much to think about Eddie being…” she sighed and her brow creased. “What are the chances I come here to the middle of fucking nowhere and the first guy I come across is…” she stops herself again.

“The right guy? Yeah it feels too good to be true.” his lips pressed together in acknowledgment.

“I care about him. A lot. I love him to pieces. He's my best friend. He’s an idiot. A very good-looking idiot.” She smiled and let out a happy sigh.

“Love him to pieces?” he said with raised brows.

“NOT like that!” she pointed her wooden spoon at him. “You can love people and not be IN love with them. VERY big difference.” she insisted.

“I’m not rushing you. Okay?” He rubbed her back in an attempt to comfort her. “I just know that goofy kid will be a good man. And I’ve not met many of those. I want you happy. And safe. That’s all.”

“You’re getting sentimental in your old age.” Star mocked.

“I’ve gotta pawn your wild ass off to someone else.” He kissed her head and then gave her a light smack. “These nerds that somehow won you over gonna be here soon? I don’t think they’re the show up an hour late because it’s cool to not give a shit type.”

“Nah, they should be here in about 20 minutes. Just have to throw this in the oven and make sure the living room is set.”

“There’s a shit load of pillows and blankets. I think you’re good.”

“I know I just want it to be perfect.” She said casually.

“You know… I like this version of you. Having good friends. Having friends at all really, let’s be honest. Staying in and having a good time instead of me being up worrying about you club hopping all night with a bunch of truly stupid kids.”

“I know.” She said thoughtfully. “I like this new version too.”

-

Robbie sat on the front stoop, smoking a cigarette. It was almost dark and he was appreciating the quiet and cold before having to leave into a fluorescently bright, screeching, hot plant. The thrum of bass could be heard before the van even appeared, he knew it was Eddie.

“Hey, Robbie!” His scratchy shout was accompanied by a nodded head, his hair swishing about since his hands here full.

“Hey Munson.” he gave him a nod. Eddie was carrying a giant box of D and D paraphernalia as he stomped in his worn sneakers towards the side door. “Go in this way,” Robbie shouted and pointed behind him with his thumb. “Star’s in the kitchen. If you’re quiet you’ll catch her singing.” he grinned and winked.

“Should I plug my ears?” he jests.

“Nah she’s not so bad. Just.. erratic.” he chuckled.

“What else is new.” He grinned and entered, being more quiet than necessary as he did want to spy on Star. He put his cardboard box down on the big coffee table and looked into the kitchen. Star was bent over in the fridge, the door blocking most of her from sight. He watched her ass bounce to the beat and heard her muffled voice along with the sounds of metal on metal. He could tell she was wearing his Hellfire shirt, the hem sitting snug across her hips over the leggings she was wearing. She had on a pair of knee-high socks with a little vampire on them that said bite me. She was festive.

She popped up and continued dancing. There was some disco-sounding song with funk guitar and good bass playing on her boom box on the kitchenette table. She was without her usual jewelry. He noticed some rings but a lack of bangles. Her movements without the accompaniment of her usual jangling sounds seemed odd. Eddie stood and nodded his head to the beat and watched her unnoticed. She was counting bags of chips and boxes of cakes with an on-beat pointed finger. She bent over in front of him to look in the oven and he covered the grin on his face. Her skin-tight leggings stretched sheer over the swell of her ass and gave Eddie a little tease. Star, assumingly happy with what she found in the oven hopped back up and did more dancing than anything productive. She spun to head to the table to grab a bag of hot dog buns and saw Eddie. The way her face lit up at the sight of him made his already wide grin spread to his eyes. She said nothing, only shuffled forward with her arms and hips dancing, grabbing his wrist and trying to get him to dance with her.

“You know this one!”

“I do?” he asked her turning her back to him and shaking her ass.

“It’s on the first funk mix tape.”

“Oh right,” he said with enough earnestness she knew he recalled.

“It’s the song about you.” she stuck her tongue out as she turned and laughed.

“Play that funky music white boy?” he joined her in a laugh as she put his hands on her shoulders and she grabbed his waist.

“Yep.” she moved his hips with her since he refused.

“Oh. I got this part.” he shoved her back and started playing air guitar on the solo as she clapped. “Yeah, this was a good one. Well, acceptable.”

“So glad it has your elitist approval.” she snorted and shoved his shoulder.

“You gonna leave this on?” he asked with a raised brow.

“Yeah, why?” she turned back from the counter.

“You want the guys to know you’re a poser?”

“I’m not a poser, you asshole!” she tossed a wet wooden spoon at him from the sink. “I don’t pretend to just like your guy's music. Wouldn’t hurt them to get exposed to some new music.”

“If you want to deal with them making fun of you, be my guest.”

“I guess they aren’t scared enough of me to not do that anymore, huh?”

“Yeah, that’s what happens when you act like a human around guys.” Eddie chuckles.

“It’s already weird enough being the only girl. It’s a total sausage party.”

“I thought you’d be into that.” he smirked.

“I would be if they were viable options.” she stuck out her hip. “But alas.”

“They’re not THAT bad.”

“I didn’t say they were. But I have a type and they are not it.”

“And what’s your type again?” he said smugly, approaching her with his hands in his back pockets, a swaying gate.

“Your ugly mug break all the mirrors in your house? You not remember what you look like?” she grinned. “Go look in one and you’ll see what terrible taste I have.”

“Words hurt you know.” he said playfully, smacking her ass.

“My wittle puppy not like it when mama’s mean to him?” she pouted her lips at him, turning to face him. “I thought you were into degradation.” she tilted her head cockily.

“You…” he let out a dumb laugh and wagged his finger at her. “You don’t get to… say words… anymore.” his shoulders shook as a shocked and embarrassed grin took over his flushed pink cheeks.

She scrunched her nose and snorted out a laugh at his extreme reaction to her playfulness.

“Is this Van Morrison?” a familiar voice shouted. Dustin appeared in the doorway with a bobbing head.

“It is!” Star perked up.

“My mom love’s his stuff.” he followed Star’s lead of bobbing and moving their shoulders.

“She’s got good taste.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.” he laughed as Star held out her hand to him and he took it. “But this song is good.” He followed her lead, her hand on his shoulder, his on her waist in a slow dance pose as they moved around together.

“She teach you to dance?” Star asked excitedly.

“She tried. Steve taught me.” he broke away and did a very cheesy snap and shuffle.

“Yeah, those are Steve's moves.” Star snorted and mimicked him. “Or this one?” she put a fist up and pumped it, moving her hips and nodding her head.

“Oh yeah or the Safety Dance.” Dustin stands wide and bobs his head then begins to hop around.

“I’m gonna start inviting you over instead of Eddie.” she side-eyed Eddie as she chuckled, doing the cabbage patch. “HE won’t dance with me!”

“Girls love it with you dance with them!” Dustin shouted at him.

“He’s…" she paused to count. "SIX years younger than you and knows this!” Star shouted too as Dustin grabbed Star's hand and spun her into him.

“What the hell is going on?” Mike asked as he walked into the frame of the doorway.

“They’re being lame.” Eddie said with pursed lips and crossed arms.

“Eddie’s mad because Dustin can dance and he can’t.” Star added as she and Dustin synced up and bumped hips.

“I CAN. I choose NOT to.” Eddie pronounced with a pointed finger. “THIS-” he waved his hand erratically at them. “Isn’t dancing to me.”

“Sorry, we can’t handbag to the greatest hits of the 60’s ya party pooper.”

“Party pooper? Are you 6 years old?” He laughed.

“You’re a stick in the mud, Munson.”

“Yeah, MUDSON!” Dustin cackled and Star joined in. “Get it?” he said with a beaming, happy face, both breaking a little bit of a sweat in the warm kitchen. Eddie kept strong and dead-panned them both, refusing to laugh.

“He does he’s just being a butt head.” Star taunted, shoving him.

“I only need one move for the ladies.” Eddie announced.

“Does it involve a cloth and chloroform?” Star snorted out.

“HA!” Dustin shouted out. “She got your ass.”

Eddie grabbed Star by the wrist and yanked her against his chest, surprising her. He did as he had only once before, and dipped her smoothly, a strong hand to her back and the other lifting her leg by the back of the thigh. He popped her back out and spun her out and she hit the kitchen counter. With a hand to her chest, she openly gawked at him.

“Who the hell was that? Where’d he come from? Bring him back!” she giggled. Dustin and Mike looked at each other from Star’s reaction. Time to capitalize on this.

“Yeah what the hell Eddie?” Dustin sounded almost angry. “Teach me that! Shit!” he glared with no contempt at the older man.

“Come here.” he finally broke and laughed and dipped Dustin.

“Mr.Munson I do declare.” Dustin fanned his face as Lucas’s laugh caught everyone's attention to announce his presence.

“It’s not that hard.” Eddie shrugged.

“We giving dance lessons?” Lucas asked.

“Apparently.” Eddie rolled his eyes.

“The man's got moves. Well, one move. But it’s good.” Dustin turned his head, winking at Eddie. “Show me on Star again.” Dustin shoved Star into Eddie’s arms.

“Easy, tiger.” Star laughed.

“You turn them… put their arm around your neck… hold their back, then lower them down… hand moves down to lift the leg. See?” he held her like that for a second and she let her head fall back to look at the others. “Just make sure you’re strong enough to hold them with one arm.”

“Does it look good?” she asked with her messy plop of hair on her head dangling.

“It does.” Lucas agreed. “How…or WHY did you learn that?”

“To impress girls obviously.” Mike said.

“Theatre actually.” Eddie nonchalantly lifted her back up and got her on both feet again.

“You did theatre?”

“I took it as an easy elective. But we had to learn stuff even if we weren’t in the plays so… that’s what I learned.”

“PARTY’s HERE!” Gareth shouted, bringing in the rest of the guys who were looking at the odd gathering in the kitchen.

“You didn’t tell us your brother was Andre the Giant.” Star laughed at Gareth's wide eyes.

“He’s not THAT big.” she protested.

“He’s what? 6’ 3”?”

“I think so?” she shrugged.

“You’re shrimpy compared to him. How’d that happen?”

“Probably because he has a different dad?” she laughed at the awkward face Gareth made.

“Oh.”

“They do look alike though. In the face anyway.”

“And we’re both ugly.” Robbie grinned standing behind everyone and towering over them. “By my count, everyone’s here. So I’m gonna head out. I just wanted to put names to faces.”

“Aw, has Star been talking about us?” Lucas bat his eyelashes and laughed.

“She talks mad shit about all of you,” he said with a serious face and they all went a little pale. “I’m kidding.” he rolled his eyes and laughed. “Loosen up boys, you won’t last around her drunk if you don’t.”

“You’re drunk?” Jeff asked.

“Not yet.” Star shook her head.

“I’d say be good but there’s no point. You know the number for 911. Don’t die, please. Have fun.” he waves his hands up and grabs his coat and pail and heads out.

“Same sense of humor.” Eddie nodded.

“Same eyes.” Dustin added studying Star’s face.

“Yeah we look like our mom.” added with a soft smile.

“Speaking of, you get to have parties without your parents?” Gareth asked. Star saw Eddie’s face cringe.

“I don’t think they care when they’re dead,” Star said entirely too casually and knocked everyone into a wide-eyed embarrassed expression. “Well technically I don’t know who my dad is so he could be alive. But if he’s not cared for 18 years I don’t think he’s gonna start now.” she laughed and no one else did. Except Eddie who hid his grin behind his hand, pretending to rub his nose. “Relax!” Star held up her hands. “It’s fine. You didn’t know. Now you do.” she shook her head. “Let’s forget all that and get this shit started.” she clapped her hands together and started directing. She shooed Eddie out to set up his session and she showed everyone where everything was. “We’ve got beer, liquor, pop. Hot dogs, pizza, and snacks. You got chips, cakes and of course-” She turned around holding a giant orange bowl that looked like a jack-o-lantern. “A shit load of candy!” she grinned and wobbled with the wide bowl into the living room.

She’d made enough to feed a small army but 7 teenage boys was a small army when it came to how much they could eat. They hung a garbage bag on a door knob and used it to gather everything as they consumed her cooking.

“Could you make this every time we have sessions?” Lucas asked while stuffing his face full of pizza.

“She’s brought it before. If you were there you’d know that.” Eddie gave him a slightly lecturing voice.

“When I make it I’ll bring you some leftovers at lunch the next day. Deal?

“Hell yeah.” he nodded enthusiastically.

“How you want me to get it to you? I don’t think your other friends would like me walking over to the table to talk to you and give you food.”

“I don’t think they’d care that much.” he shrugged.

“Seriously? After she said Jason had a little dick?” Gareth laughed.

“He’s too far up Chrissy’s ass to care about much. And the rest of them follow him so…” he shrugged.

“You’re saying they wouldn’t care if we came over and talked to you?” Eddie said in disbelief.

“No, I didn’t say that. I said if SHE did.”

“What makes her so special?” Eddie asked, perched on the edge of the couch as he shuffled papers.

“Well… they don’t wanna bone with you, Eddie.” a giggle traveled across the group.

“They make fun of all of us, her included.” Eddie looked confused.

“They’re guys Eddie. They lie.” Star stated obviously. “They’ll make fun of me in public and try to fuck me in private.”

“They do what?” everyone noticed the bristle on Eddie’s face. Lucas nodded.

“That story I made up about Jason trying to get some? Not a lie. It just wasn’t him it was about.” Eddie blinked at her trying to compute. “Don’t call me conceited but I’m attractive. And I know how I present myself. It doesn’t matter if I’m a freak, they’d still bone me.” she laughed.

“Those guys are bothering you?” he noticed the guys side eyeing him with a few smirks. “Well we can’t just let her get harassed by the enemy.” he says defensively.

“Unless you plan on fighting every man that’s ever spoken to me I’d say you’re a bit helpless in this situation, hun.”

“THAT was a little conceited.” Jeff grinned.

“True. But guys don’t approach girls on their own unless they want something from them. That’s just how it is.” she shrugged. “I don’t mean to get all philosophical on you but seeing as I’m the only girl here maybe it can shed some light on what being a girl is like.”

“She’s right,” Mike chirped you and everyone looked at him confused. “Nancy? My sister. I’ve heard about it from her.”

“Next time they try shit you tell me.” Eddie tapped the table in front of her.

“Okay.” she rolled her eyes.

“Might as well start with Brandon.” Lucas chuckled.

“Brandon?” Eddie’s head swung fast.

“He left her a love letter in her locker last week.” he snickered.

“The poor kid can’t spell to save his life.” Star laughed.

“Too many concussions.” Jeff added.

Star saw Eddie’s hands clench and he pretend to focus on the paper in front of him.

“Stuff like that isn’t a big deal. It’s whatever.” She shrugged it off.

“Until they start spray painting you’re a slut on the movie theatre.” Star blinked at Dustin. “They did it to Mike's sister.”

“Christ.” She groaned.

“Yeah wasn’t that Steve?” Eddie saw Star’s face look hurt and it brought him a small slice of pride he almost felt guilty about. Almost.

“No, it was Tommy. Ex friend. Guys a total dick.”

“I’m ready to start this. If we're done gossiping” Eddie announced abruptly, a thinly veiled attempt to recover and stop having to hear about how every guy around her wanted a piece of Star.

“Everyone got their snacks? Notebooks? Drinks?” Star asked sitting by Eddie’s feet around the table. He sat on the couch to tower over everyone and they all squeezed around the rectangular coffee table to have a one-shot Halloween session.

-

“I’m the unluckiest person to ever live.” Star said pouting, taking a deep breath and staring at the shot glass in front of her.

“You are on a losing streak tonight.” Eddie chuckled, looking at the sad roll of 3 in front of him.

“I’m like... getting drunk.” she said with a nod, big glassy eyes looking up at Eddie and the other guys laughed.

“Yeah.” Eddie stifled a laugh and took the shot glass out of her hand. “How about you eat, then switch to beer instead?”

“I can’t drink a whole beet every time! God damn!” her voice inflected upwards and Dustin’s snorting laugh rose above everyone’s.

“No, you just take a drink of it when you miss.”

“Ohhh.” she nodded and stood up on wobbly legs. “Y’so smart Eddie.” she scrunched her nose and giggled, her hands on the coffee table.

“You need help getting to the kitchen?” Eddie asked, holding her elbow to keep her steady.

“That’s a definite yes.” Mike chuckled, Star looked at him and pursed her lips.

“Lemme see how you handle 4 shots of whiskey on an empty stomach you little bitch.” The table erupted in laughter. Gareth spilled his beer on Jeff who at noticing, tipped his can over and spilled a little back of Gareth before they fell on each other with a laugh.

“You didn’t eat? Ugh, Star.” Eddie sounded agitated with her.

“I was cooking and doing the stuff for the thing! I was busy!” Her voice cracked with the high register she was hitting.

“Aw, she does care.” Gareth chuckled.

“Of course, I care! I don’t let just anyone in my house!” She shook her head defiantly. “Eddie’s not even been in here much.”

“Eddies been over?” Dustin smirked and Eddie braced himself to cover Star's mouth if she said anything he thought sober her wouldn’t want anyone else to know.

“Duh like all the time he’s my bes fren.” She said very fast. “He’s just usually in my trailer not here.”

“Aw, that’s sweet of her to say.” Dustin leaned toward Eddie like he wanted him to do something about it.

“I don’t think you’re being as helpful as you think you are.” He said quietly to Dustin.

“Oh, that’s your place?” Jeff asked.

“Yeah it was our place now it’s just mine it’s like my little cave. My stuff's there.” She pointed in its direction.

“What stuff?” Gareth asked, his slowly fading sobriety becoming more obvious.

“My things. My bed. My cats. My stuff.” She counted off.

“Alright, we’re gonna pause and babysit.” Eddie said, preparing to stand.

“No!” Star shook his hand off her and stood. She took a deep breath and put her hands on her hips. ”You Master. My turns over, I’ll be back before it’s my turn again. If I’m not send a search party.” she rubbed her face, a slap to each cheek before she nodded and walked with much less wobble the short distance to the kitchen.

“If you get lost the 20 feet to the kitchen we’ve got bigger problems.” Eddie teased.

“Why don’t you take that shot so you’re not so mean, huh? How’s it fair to play people that’ll drinking and you’re sober?”

“I mean I’m a little high.” he grinned.

“Doesn’t count!” Star crossed her arms and slung them down from the archway of the kitchen. “Take the shot!.” she laughed. “Is it fair he’s trying to beat us and we’re not sober when he is?” she acclaimed to her fellow party mates.

“I mean we aren’t drunk.” The three youngest muttered.

“I know. Because you’re my good boys. You’re too young. When you’re 16 you’re allowed.” she said affectionately.

“We’re going by British rules?” Dustin asked.

“Yep.” Star nodded enthusiastically. “Shoot it, Eddie. Even the playing field, we’re getting our asses handed to us right now.”

“Show ‘em some mercy.” Dustin whispered to him.

“What kind of DM would I be if I yielded to the party's request?”

“A GOOD ONE!” the 4 drunken members shouted.

“Do it. Or I’ll call you a pussy.” Star giggled.

“I don’t care what you call me.” Eddie laughed. “I’m called worse daily! ONLY because you said it’d make me a better DM. NOT because you called me a pussy.” he pointed a finger harshly at Star.

“Thata boy!” she clapped.

“Now go eat a hot dog you, drunk.” He hisses at the burn for a second and shooed Star with his hand.

“Don’t tell me to put WEINERS in my mouth Eddie.” she bent over as she shuffled toward the kitchen counter laughing. The simple use of the word weiner sent the group into a giggle.

“Speaking of-” Dustin begins with a smirk and both Eddie and Mike give a pointed elbow and a foot stomp his way.

“Henderson you need to fuckin reel it in. Christ, I’m DMing children.” Eddie rubbed his face but also laughed with them.

-

“You see one of the leaders emerge from the woods. He’s beaten up and bloodied. He has clear signs of a struggle on his face and clothes. He approaches the group, stumbling slightly as he leaves the safety of the tree line. What do you do?” Eddie introduces yet another crumpled leader of the encampment returning. He sat tall and proud, a smug smile as his tailor-made story unfolded.

“Another one?”

“So three have disappeared and come back all beat up? That’s a pattern.”

“But they say nothing happened.” They took turns trying to piece together the story.

“I don’t trust them. I stay in my hiding spot.” Stars eyes narrow. “Imma roll to stay hidden.”

“You’re gonna come shooting out of that cabin like a human cannonball with your luck.” Mike teases.

“She makes it. Barely.” Eddie approves. “You stay unseen by the returned leaders.”

A few turns later as a leader mentions a former plot point Star sits straight up and calls attention to herself.

“ITS A SLASHER!” she hits the table in front of her repeatedly.

The sets of surprised and confused eyes look at her. All except Eddie whose grin was slowly growing.

“The leaders? Camp counselors. It’s literally an enCAMPment, guys! Someone is killing the counselors and these are like…. changlings! They aren’t the leaders! Ronan said before he would never put himself before his people and what is he doing?!” She hits the table with her fingers repeatedly again. “They’re possessed or brainwashed or something!! It’s a Sleep Away camp, Friday the 13th possession situation!”

“Holy shit.” A drunk Gareth's eyes dart around the plane of the gridded dungeon before him.

“So we have to kill them!” Star demanded as Dustin had been weighing his options for his next action.

“Shit. She’s right.” Dustin looks over to star with his wild curl pattern starting to corkscrew out from under his hat from sweat. “Isn’t she?” He looks up to Eddie with an impressed face. “It follows the slasher plot directly. We’ve lost 2 party members already. The leaders are picking us off. You son of a bitch.”

Eddie grinned and shrugged. “Happy Halloween, fuckers.”

-

“You always said you’d survive these slasher movies, Star. Let’s see if you’re right.” Eddie picked up her die and handed them to her shaking hands.

“We’re fucked.” Mike hit the table.

“I’ve not even rolled yet!” Star screeched.

“You’ve not rolled anything good all night!”

“She got the camp goers out alive.” Eddie pointed out with a finger.

“But she wasn’t fighting! She hid in a fuckin cabin all night.”

“Probably because I knew my rolls were shit and I didn’t want yelled at.” Star snarks back, making a face at Mike.

“It’s you and the monster, Lady Athena. Are you gonna be the final girl Ash Williams?” Eddie said quietly to her and smiled.

“He IS a final girl! I don’t have time to-!” Eddie put his hand over her shouting mouth.

“Roll, Lady Sandys.” He leaned forward and grinned. Star made a noise of disapproval and bite Eddie’s hand. “You bit me!” He laughed and shook his hand.

“Don’t feed the animals man.” Lucas laughed. “Don’t put your hands in the cage.”

“No fucking kidding.” Eddie put his mouth to the bite to soothe it.

“No pressure.” Star took a deep breath and cupped her hands around the dice with closed, concentrated eyes. Trying to fill them with intention. When she opened them she found everyone leaning towards her with anxious fingers tapping and twitching on the tabletop. “Big money. No whammies.” She said optimistically and let the dice free.

Eddie was at the ready with his pencil and notepad knowing he could do the math for the completion far quicker than Star could. Everyone stared at Eddie, Dustin sloppily sliding Stars character notes across the table to himself to see what the verdict was.

“Well shit.” Eddie cackled, his hand rubbing through his hair before looking down at a very wide-eyed Star. He reached out and knocked the miniature over. “Athena Sandys takes her great club and brains the mind-controlling creature into the dewy grass of the early morning. The sun crests over the mountains surrounding the camp illuminating the carnage left behind and her fallen party members. She is the last conscious survivor. No longer the victim she is the victor.” Eddie bows his head to her.

“I DID IT?? I DID IT!!!” She screams and rolls on her back and kicks her feet. “Take that! Fuckers!” She punched the air before sitting back up and getting double high-fived by Dustin who keeps hold of her hands and shakes them. They scream into each other’s faces with excitement. Star wished it could’ve been an official game, one with big stakes like Eddie’s campaigns were. But she felt proud nonetheless for the win in any capacity. “If I hadn’t hid half the game you all would be dead!” She cackled.

“What a pussy way to win!” Gareth shook his head but he was laughing.

“But a win, nonetheless.” Eddie points out. Eddie watched Star's entire being light up as she got jostled around among the group as they stood and celebrated. As a DM he couldn’t have asked for a much better game. Her unorthodox gameplay in comparison to the guys made it possible for them to win. That was the logical reason behind his smiling. The warm fuzzy feeling in his chest he pushed down was watching her be so excited about something he cared about. She never had to play with them, but he was eternally grateful that she had.

Star orchestrated the group, no longer under DM rule she took charge.

“Okay, I’m cleaning up. Let’s do a quick sweep, I’ll get dishes. Let's do bathroom breaks and smoke breaks. Get food and drinks and settle back in after. Then it’s game time.” She clapped her hands and the guys dispersed accordingly. Eddie put all his D and D pieces back into his box, watching the others scramble about and fight over the order they’d get to use the one bathroom in the house.

“Have you forgotten you’re dudes and can just go pee outside?” Star shouted from the kitchen. “Out the door to the left, in the bushes please.”

“You don’t mind if we-?”

“They’re dead from cold and it’s better than you all fighting. Knock yourselves out. Get some fresh air!” She ushered them away with a push of her hands. Everyone moves past the kitchen doorway in a small herd.

“Alright! Out to smoke. Give the champ some breathing room.” Edie says with a cigarette already between his lips and clapping at the group of guys in front of him, filing out the door.

The younger three take turns going around the corner to pee.

“I wonder why peeing outside is so much better than inside?”

“Because that’s how humans used to do it.”

“Caveman brain.” They muttered and laughed.

Not even half a cig in, Eddie takes a deep breath and smashes his out into the small sand-filled planter by the stoop.

“I’m going back in. Take your time.”

“Take our time?” Dustin narrowed his eyes with intrigue.

“Yeah. No rush coming back in. I’m gonna talk to Star about the session.”

“What’s that code for?” Mike snorted.

“Nothing. It’s her first win. She did really well.” Eddie stood up with a good posture to raise his chin and look down at the group of younger guys with disdain. “She probably wants to talk about it. She usually does. Didn’t think you guys cared to hear it.” he shrugged.

“She usually does?” Dustin asked.

“Yeah we talk about how she did after sessions, wants pointers and stuff.” he shrugged off the question.

“That’s cute.” Dustin grinned.

“Star you’re so good at D and D, will you marry me?” Lucas laughed.

“Oh is that what this is about?” Jeff had a smug smile.

“No. It’s not.” Eddie sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “They keep saying this shit to me.” he groans.

“You like her. Don’t act stupid.” Dustin bravely says as Eddie’s chin pushes back into his neck at his boldness.

“We just can’t figure out if she likes him.” Mike adds.

“Out of all of us, you’ve got the best chance.” Jeff shrugged.

“It’s not some contest about winning her or something,” Eddie says with more bite to his words. “We’re not in competition here. We’re friends and I’m respecting that.”

“Maybe she wants to be disrespected?” Gareth asked.

“Not cool.” Lucas scolds him.

“Look,” Eddie says shifting his weight to lean forward. “I know you three mini musketeers are gonna try some shit. I’ve come to accept this with your little comments and winks that look like something’s wrong with you. But like I said, don’t mess with her. Fuck with me all you want, keep your snotty little comments coming, but don’t be shitty to her.”

“Aw.” Dustin smiled widely.

“That was almost heartwarming, dude.” Jeff grinned. “I didn’t know it was like that.”

“I would do the same for any of you, too!”

“Awww.” the group says patronizingly.

“Jesus Christ you’re impossible.” Eddie throws his hands down, letting them slap his legs.

“So she said we’re playing a game. Can we capitalize on that?” Dustin steps forward to clarify before Eddie fully turned to leave.

“What the hell does that mean?”

“Party games. You know. People make out and shit?” Dustin says incredulously.

“She wouldn’t want to make out with any of us.” Eddie chuckled.

“He’s a terrible liar.” Gareth smirks.

“Always has been.” Jeff nodded in agreement.

“Wouldn’t you prefer to have a friend who’s bad at lying?” Eddies voice cracked with exertion. “Since you aren’t gonna listen to me, just… be nice. Okay? That’s all. I’m done with this stupid conversation. I’m gonna go play catch up with your level of indignant drunkenness so I can enjoy myself since my job is over.”

“We’ll give you a few minutes.”

“Use it wisely.”

“Or don’t.” They all chuckled as Eddie rolled his eyes and went back into the house.

“Did he say he liked her?” Gareth asked as soon as the door was shut behind Eddie.

“Technically yes?” Lucas grimaced.

“What does that mean? Isn’t it a yes or no question?”

“Not really. That’s the issue we ran into.”

“They aren’t together. We know that.”

“Does she have some secret boyfriend in… wherever she came from?”

“Right?” Lucas asked. “I thought the same thing.”

“But she doesn’t.” Dustin pointed out. “We’re just trying to get them to admit they like each other. We think they’d be good together. What do you guys think?”

“If they’re together that could be really bad if it goes south.” Jeff pointed out.

“True. But I don’t think it will.”

“She’s a bit of a wild card sometimes. I couldn’t tell you exactly how she’ll react to something.”

“Plus if they’re together then we’d have to deal with them being TOGETHER. What if he starts ditching us? Or what if they’re all over each other all the time?”

“I don’t think Eddie’s the PDA type.”

“Has he not had a girlfriend before? Is that what’s holding this up?”

“He has just never one we knew. Definitely not one in the club. He doesn’t mix business and pleasure.”

“We thought it was her holding it up. Maybe it’s him.”

“I don’t want to get her out of Hellfire for the sake of them dating. She makes us food and she’s not terrible at it anymore.”

“We’re just saying, we’ve lost friends to girls before. It sucks. We’d rather not have it happen again.”

“But she’s our friend too. She can’t take him away, she’s one of us.”

“Kids got a point.” Jeff shrugged at Gareth’s protests.

“Or we could listen to Eddie and leave it be?” There’s a beat of silence, some chewing their lips in thought and others looking at the ground.

“Nah.” they laugh in unison.

-

Star was doing dishes in the kitchen, music approved by the group playing faintly in the background.

“You want some help?” Eddie asked, sauntering up to her.

“You wanna dry?” She took the tea towel on the counter and snapped it at him with a smile.

“You’re the winner, you call the shots.”

“I am aren’t I?” she popped a beaming smile on her face as she turned her attention back to the dishes.

“I’d say you did really well but you kinda sucked until the end.” He teased with a grin as she bumped him with her hip.

“Can’t let me just have a win can you?” she shook her head but kept the same smile.

“You’re getting better I’ll admit that.”

“Thanks. I’m trying.” she looks over to him to give him a genuine soft-eyed glance.

“I can tell.” his voice is gentle and quiet and unlike his Dungeon Master persona. Within a few plates time, they’re finished with the chore as they move on to more important things.

“You wanna drink?” she asked, whiskey bottle in hand as she sat on the floor in front of the couch. Eddie slid down next to her, crossed-legged on the shag carpet.

“I need to catch up.” he nodded as she grabbed another shot glass off the table and started to pour. “You wanna smoke?” he grinned and took a joint from behind his ear.

“Always.” she nods and takes an ashtray older than both of them off the side table. “I need one of these too.” she reached for the pack of cigarettes she’d kept under the table. “Lighters in my purse. Light me?” she asked with it extended toward him with pooched lips.

“You gonna smoke both?” he laughed and did as was asked of him.

“Yeah. Gimmie.” she grabby handed the joint he had just taken a drag off of. She put the cigarette in one corner and the joint in the other and started laughing. Puffs of smoke escaped her like a train as she exhaled. “Walrus.” she slapped her hands together.

“Seals are the ones that do the thing.” Eddie slapped his hands together like hers.

“They both do it!” she shouted. “Also walruses have the tusks. Seals don't.”

“You’ve got a mustache like a walrus that’s for sure.” he cackled.

“Oh my god Eddie!” she inhaled so hard she started coughing at his insult. “Asshole!”

The guys return to Star leaning over Eddie with his socked feet on her chest to hold her back as he kept her at leg length.

“Okay, maybe they are just friends.” Jeff snorted quietly, amused at the scene in front of him.

“Nah that’s flirting.” Gareth shook his head.

“What the hell kind of flirting is that?”

“The kind that a freak like Eddie does.”

“We leave you two alone and come back to you beating up the DM?”

“I’m beating up Eddie, not the DM,” she stated. “He insulted me, this is what he gets.”

“What happened to being nice?” Dustin tilted his head at a huffing Eddie.

“Change of plans.” Eddie grunted.

“Is this the game you were talking about playing?” Lucas grinned as they took their places around the table.

“No.” Star grabbed one of Eddie’s ankles and clawed her hand. A wordless threat to tickle him.

“I’ll curb-stomp your ass if you even THINK about it!” Eddie warns her with wide eyes and fists raised.

“I think my threat is sufficient.” She nodded smugly. “I want to play a party game. We don’t hang out outside of hellfire so I wanted to do some bonding with you guys.”

“You sound like my dad with her work friends. Team building exercises this. Synergy that.” Mike gags.

“I do wanna build as a team! But not in a white-collar way. I thought some good old-fashioned truth or dare might work better than a retreat where we cheat on our wives.”

“Hell yeah.” Gareth nods in approval.

“Really? Truth or dare?” Eddie's face was fully judging Star.

“Well we aren’t doing spin the bottle and we aren’t doing 7 minutes in heaven since I’m the only girl.” She states obviously. “Unless you guys wanna make out with each other. Which I have no issue with.” She giggled.

"I think that's gonna be a pass."

-

Star had cozied up the place. With the fireplace now going with the encroaching chill from outside through the old windows being fought off by the flames. A metal mixtape of Eddie’s plays faintly from a boom box on a far side table. With the lights dimmed and everyone stocked on snacks and drinks, the so-called bonding began.

“I usually drink beer this shit is…heavy.” Eddie’s eyes flinch as he takes a drink of whiskey in solidarity with the other older members.

“Ever had wine?”

“Ew no, who am I the pope?” Eddie frowns.

“Too sophisticated for you? I understand.” she pat his arm condescendingly.

“I prefer actual blood and not some pseudo blood like a Catholic.” He sticks out his tongue at Star and gives her big eyes, shaking his head to move his hair and lean toward her.

”That’s what I’ve heard.” Star snorts and palms his face to move him away. She pours them both another shot and pushes the bottle out. “We’ve got more of you wanna do any dares.” She plucks the joint from Eddie’s lips and takes a drag for herself. “This too.” She holds out the joint like she’s making a toast. “Who goes first?”

“You’re the host.” Dustin points out.

“Good point.” She nods, taking another drag. “So Dustin!” She smiled wide and sat back, one knee up and crossing her legs. Eddie steals back the joint and she doesn’t react. “Truth or dare.”

“Truth.” He confidently says with a nod.

“BOO!” A few guys exclaim.

“No choice shaming!” Star wags a finger. “Truths are just as valid as dares. Can also be equally as rewarding or devastating.” She pointed out. “Truth.” She nodded in thought, chewing her lip as she eyed the anticipating young man. “What was the last lie you told?”

“And we have to be honest?” He clarified.

“That’s a rule.” She clarified.

“Last lie….” his eyes wandered as he thought for a moment. “Oh! Today actually. My mom. Told her there’d be adults here.” He grinned mischievously.

“BOO!” Gareth groaned.

“It’s true!” His voice cracked.

“They can’t all be winners.” Star shrugged.

“Pretty solid question though.” Eddie nodded and spoke quietly to Star.

“My turn.” Dustin held his hand up and tapped his fingers together dramatically.

“The power will corrupt him.” Lucas chuckled.

“Eddie.”

“Oh shit.” He mumbled and sat up straight.

“Dare.” He let out a heavy exhale, elbows resting on his crossed legs.

“Should I?” Dustin lets out a dramatic laugh and rubs his hand together. “So many choices.” He hummed and considered. “Should I just kick start this party?“ he asked himself rhetorically.

“Shoot.” Eddie winked and pointed a finger gun at Dustin.

“Eddie. I dare you to kiss Star.” He says with a devilish radiant smile, looking over to Star.

“I knew it would happen but not so soon. You’ve got balls to startwith a kiss dare I’ll give you that much Henderson.” She nodded.

“Kiss her? Really?”

“A good one too!” He instructed and the targets both chuckled. “No cheek or hand.”

“Give the people their money's worth.” Jeff joined in laughing.

“You okay with this?”

“It’s the game, you have to play.” She shrugged but kept a smile. “My only addendum here. This goes for everyone. I don’t want everyone daring me to kiss all of you. Got it? I knew the risk coming in but I’ll be damned if that’ll stop me. But I’m not gonna swap spit with everybody. Can we agree with that?”

“Agreed.” A mumble and nods among the group.

“So knowing that do you want me to kiss Eddie? Or are you changing your answer?”

“No takesie backsies.” Mike commanded with a shake of his head.

“Okay, that’s added to the rules.” Star hits the table like she has a gavel.

“We just… in front of everyone?” Eddie asked, eyes glancing around the table.

“Yep.” Dustin gave a single hard nod.

“You really not want to kiss me that bad?” Star chuckled as she turned her body towards his.

“It’s not that.” He gave her a playful smile and met her body posture.

“Any further requests? Because if I kiss him then you say no that’s not what I meant and I’m not doing it again. Only one dare per turn.”

“Are we writing a fuckin' contract over every turn come ON.” Gareth groaned.

“I’m simply making sure rules are established.” Star said softly.

“On the lips. For… 15?” He looks to the other guys. “15 seconds?” He’s given a series of kids.

“And you can’t just push your lips together and then hold them there for 15 seconds,” Lucas added. “Has to be a real kiss.”

“Sinclair, what do you know about real kissing you little scamp?” Star laughed.

“Don’t worry about it.” He smiled back.

“Set the timer. Tell us when.”

“You ready?” Star giggled inches from Eddie’s face.

“I hate this.” He whispered and it made her laugh.

“S’not so bad.”

“Go!” Dustin called out. Eddie did look a bit hesitant. He didn’t like doing this in front of anyone else. He didn’t care for knowing Dustin felt like he’d done something in regards to getting them together. If they only knew.

Star gave him a sweet smile and moved forward first. A move not missed by the older guys. They went by the rules, and neither was going to show off. They were nowhere near drunk enough for that. A single press for a breath, and Eddie followed her lead, not wanting to metaphorically step on her toes. He couldn’t help but be affected by her soft cherry chapstick tasting lips as she kissed him with soft movements and a push of her mouth into his.

It’d been a little while since they’d been together in any capacity. He’d been trying to save the kisses for when they’d turn into more as he had started getting the urge to kiss her for more reasons than the bored and horny claim they’d started their fling with. With her working, their social expectations, hobbies, and midterms looming there hadn't been as much time for having rendezvous together. He didn’t want to call her up for a quickie only to have to leave or crash immediately after and run as soon as he woke a few hours later.

So the physical effects of Star's soft lips truly kissing Eddie were apparent and he resituates himself to hide that fact. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed kissing her.

“And time.”

She pulled away with a smile and couldn’t help but let out a giggle she muffled by lowering her head. She’d missed kissing him too. The group was quiet, a mix of curiosity and a flutter of arousal moving through the group having watched the two truly, fully kiss.

“That wasn’t so bad now was it?” She scrunched her nose at him, a look he was used to seeing in private.

“No that was-“ he let out a deep chuckle and realized his posture had slumped and relaxed at her touch. “Yeah, that’s good.” He nodded and pulled his knees against his chest.

“Dustin you’ve embarrassed the poor thing.” Star pouts and reaches to pinch Eddie’s cheek and he takes her by the wrist and lowers her hand before she can touch him.

“No’m not.” he grumbles.

“It’s your turn now anyway.”

“Revenge.” Star giggled. Eddie could see her eyes a bit glassy and knew she was feeling the whiskey.

“Star.” Eddie smiles devilishly. A cackle comes from the older boys at the heel turn.

“I kissed you! You don’t pick on me!” she whined.

“Truth or dare?” Eddie says with a wide shake of his head, dismissing her complaint.

“Dare.” she states with an aggressive head nod.

“I dare you to kiss me.” he says before it turns into a deep laugh. “I’m kidding.” he grins as she shoved his arm in response. “I want you to go find the most embarrassing photo of you that you have.”

“Ohshit.” she groaned and slumped her shoulders. A laugh moved throughout the group at her expense. “That’s a good one. You asshole.” she complained and stood, going to one of the closed back rooms to find a photo album.

“So how was the kiss?” a hissed whisper from Jeff as he leaned forward across the table.

“Good?” Eddie smirked.

“That’s all we get? Really?” Gareth frowned.

“You saw it!” Eddie whisper shouted back.

“It looked good.” Jeff snorted out a quiet laugh.

“It was.” Edie lowered his eyes and smiled, Dustin giggled at the sight.

“Okay, I found an old album.” They all slunk back to their original positions at the appearance of the kisser in question. “We don’t have that many really.” she sat back down next to Eddie and thumped the old album on the table with a poof of dust. “There are the usual naked bathtub photos but everyone’s got those. They aren’t embarrassing. I’m not really embarrassed by any of them.” she pouted her lips as she fanned through the sticky pages. “I guess this one is the best.” she pushed the book out and tapped a photo. A photo of Star with no front teeth and a wide smile at about 8 years old with a laughing Robbie in the background. “I had just come home from school. I’d gotten in a fight and was losing my baby teeth pretty rapidly. So when I got hit it knocked out by loose teeth.” she laughed at the sight. She had lop-sided and messy pigtails and a smudge of dirt on her face. Despite the rough exterior, her little face was proud and delighted. “Mom took the picture. We were surprised it was in focus with how much we were all laughing.”

“That’s adorable that’s not embarrassing,” Dustin said affectionately.

“She looks like you before your teeth came in.” Mike joked.

“It took them a little while to come in. I had two missing front teeth for a bit there. It was pretty damn cute.” Eddie watches Star’s face soften, a nostalgic and far away look in her eyes. “Does that count?” she met his eyes, surprised to find him looking up at her.

“Yeah, that’s pretty god damn cute. I can let that count.” he nodded with an air of smugness. Star slapped the album shut and slid it under the end table by the couch.

“My turn. Again.” she clapped her hands together lightly in thought. “Should I dare you to kiss me again? Is this the running joke now?”

“I think it is.” Eddie didn’t look at her, picking at his nails, but smiled at her.

“Okay.” she wiggled in her seat and thought for a moment. “Gareth.”

“Dare. Always.” he says with a surge of masculinity.

“Go grab the mustard and a tablespoon.” she smirked.

“Ah, shit.” he laughed and did as instructed.

Then began a more light-hearted series of dares of slapping the person to your right, ice cubes down your pants, and trying to flirt with the person to your left. A few more shots and double shots were had on dares. It was running smoothly and Star had caught a break for a moment.

“Star.” Mike asked.

“Okay. Truth.”

“C’mon choose dare.”

“Nope.” she grinned.

“Fine. Is it true you burned your old school down?”

“Mike.” Eddie hissed under his breath.

“No, it’s fine.” Star pat Eddie’s knee. “I didn’t. There was a fire but I didn’t burn the school down. I started the fire but I didn't on purpose.”

“Does that have anything to do with your arm?” he inquired further.

“MIKE!” Eddie sat up with his hands on the table, coming to her defense.

“Eddie.” Star put her hand to his chest. “Down boy.” she shushed him.

“Is that the rumor that went around? People said I burnt down my school because I had burn scars?”

“That and satanic sacrifices.” Lucas casually added.

“Is that one true?” Mike asked.

“Are we asking me questions now or are we playing?” Star chuckled.

“We’ve got a lot.” Dustin nodded. Star sighed and poured another shot without a word and hit it back. “Go on. Let’s get this over with.”

“Star.” Eddie said quietly.

“It’s fine. I wanted us to bond. It’s only fair I answer some things since we’re friends now.”

“I’m a witch but I don’t worship satan and I don’t sacrifice people. Or animals,” she explains like she’s counting off on her fingers. “The burns are related to the school fire and no I don’t want to elaborate on that. There was fire, I got burned. That’s pretty straightforward. I wasn’t trying to burn the school down. I’ve also heard I was in a cult, I wasn’t.”

“You could’ve stopped at the witch part because WHAT?” Mike's mouth hangs open.

“You know...paganism? I say witch because it gets the point across faster. It’s a belief system. It’s not pointy hats and cauldrons.”

“You have a cauldron.” Eddie smirked.

“SHE WHAT?” Dustin says absolutely invested.

“It’s tiny. I mix herbs and oils for spell work and rituals.”

“You do spells??” Lucas sits straight up.

“Yeah. It’s part of the practice. It’s like…praying?” she shrugs. “But more hands-on.”

“Have you ever put a spell on one of us?”

“No.” she heartily laughed.

“Sure you didn’t put a love spell on Eddie?” Dustin giggled.

“Didn’t need to.” she chuckled and pinched his cheek. He tried to hide a smile and failed.

“I DID hear you were... uh... I don’t know any other way to put it but you were using us... as a group… for sex magic.” Jeff added.

“Yeah, Eddie told me that one. That’s a good one. I’m not obviously since I’m not sleeping with all of you.” she chortled.

“I’ve had people ask if you and Eddie were.”

“That was YOU Gareth.” Star threw her head back in a laugh.

“I mean other people. They think you worship satan together and shit.”

“I don’t believe in satan.” she rolled her eyes.

“Why wouldn’t you date Steve?” Dustin blurted out and Eddie's head noticeably snapped his way.

“Why don’t you ask him? Isn’t he like, your best friend?”

“He wouldn’t tell me. Yeah but I wanna know. Ladies LOVE Steve.” Star sighed.

“I get it, I do. He’s a doll." Eddie side-eyed Star but she didn't notice. "Sweet guy, nice, all that jazz. But he’s not my type. His parents are rich, which changes your brain. I was born poor. There’s a fundamental difference in how we see the world.” she expressed with gripped hands. Eddie suppressed a smile and for what might've been the first time in his life he was glad he was poor. “He’s my friend. I’d do anything for the guy. But I won’t date him. I’d feel like I was leading him on knowing it wouldn’t work out in the long run.” she answers honestly and Dustin can tell. “Plus he’s very… he seems very domestic, bless him. He wants a wife and a houseful of kids with a dog and picket fence and I’m just… not that girl.” she huffed out softly.

“You don’t wanna get married? Ever?” Jeff asked as if this surprised him.

“I didn’t say that.” Star shook a finger his way. “I don’t know what the future holds. I’m not making plans. I’m just 18, well almost 19 but I’m not thinking about that right now. That’s future me’s problem.” she sat back with a laugh.

“You want kids? I still think you’d be a great mom.”

“I don’t know why you think that but the same answer. I don’t know.” she groaned. “Also don’t go commenting on if a girl wants to get married and have kids. It’s a bit fucked up, to be honest. I’m not lecturing you because I like you and know you don’t mean to be shitty. But making a woman feel bad for her choices that our culture forces on us from birth is shitty. Don’t do it. Mind your business.” she explains with a sweeping hand.

“That’s why I tried to stop this.” Eddie grumbled.

“I’m not mad. I just want them aware. I know you know.” she pat Eddie’s thigh.

“Why’d you move?” Gareth asks, Eddie felt Star's hand stiffen on his leg and she felt him tense just the same.

“I needed to… get away from the city.” her tone was tight. Her body language shifted to guarded.

“Did you not have friends? Did they not care that you just bolted?” he further inquired.

“Turns out the people I thought were my friends were actually kinda shitty.” She sat back and sighed.

“What about a boyfriend?” Gareth smirked.

“You could quit interrogating her you know.” Eddie says with a little bite.

“She appeared out of nowhere! Call me curious!”

“I had one.” She shrugged, looking down and avoiding the gazing eyes.

“Ohhh what was he like?” Dustin innocently asked. He was hoping to find out if he’d been anything like Eddie.

“Well…” she took a deep breath. “He’s in prison now so… if that gives you any idea.” She rubbed her arm and her brow dropped.

“Oh shit. You dated a criminal?”

“He wasn’t in prison when I met him.”

A few sets of eyes blink at her in question.

“Why’d he go to prison?”

“Robbery?” She shook her head.

“Stole a car!” Another shake with tighter lips.

“Murder?” Were thrown into the ring for contenders along with clueless laughter.

“No it was actually,” she paused and her nose winced involuntarily. “Uhm, Aggravated Assault.” No one in the group except for Eddie had heard Star's voice turn so quickly. “That was the… uh, official charge.” She looked away and her face fell. She felt a flutter in her chest that grew to burn in her cheeks. She sounded small, scared. A crack of emotion as she swallowed audibly and tensed her jaw. She took a slow inhale and stood from her spot. “I’m gonna… just gimmie a minute.” She barely muttered and disappeared behind her bedroom door quickly. After only a moment's pause.

“Oh shit, you mean…” Dustin whispered in realization.

“I fucking told you!” Eddie hissed with venom at the group of boys and their wide shocked eyes.

“We didn’t know!” Dustin looked petrified at what they’d done. “Did you?”

“Remember when I said it was complicated?” Eddie looked over the younger three now cowering backward. “And to leave HER alone about it?”

“How was I supposed to know something like THAT happened?” Dustin screeched in defense.

“We were just asking questions. She said to.” Gareth grimaced.

“And you couldn’t see she wasn’t into it when you asked about Chicago? Use your brain! People don’t up and leave somewhere without a reason. And it usually isn’t a good one!” Eddie felt his anger hot in his face. He’d raised to his knees and was wide-armed on the coffee table to assert himself over the group.

“We didn’t know! We’re sorry!” Jeff pouted.

“Yeah, we had no idea.”

“She seems so tough I never thought she’d let someone...”

“A girl who doesn’t trust anyone shows up, with burns, to a town she has no connection to and you don’t stop and think she’s been through something? You all aren’t that stupid. C’mon.” Eddie groaned.

“I didn’t think…” Mike began.

“Stop right there. That’s all you needed to say.” Eddie spits out and raises to sit on the couch.

“Dude we said we were sorry.” Lucas added.

“Tell her. Not me.” He ran a hand through his hair, his posture slumped. He looked at her bedroom door.

“I don’t think she wants to see us right now.”

Eddie stands after staring for a silent minute.

“Clean up and get stuff ready to lay out and watch a movie. I’ll get her back out here and you’ll apologize. And she’ll forgive you.” He chops his hands as he speaks. “It’ll be fine.” He shakes out his hands, rings feeling heavy as he threw them down, hoping to move out the bad energy before he approached her.

With a knock, he opened the squeaking door to see her looking his way from the window. It was open, the pitch black heavy against her and the flowery curtains that blew lightly from the October breeze. “Can I?” She nodded in response, taking a drag from a cigarette. He slinked into the door as if opening it all the way wasn’t an option.

“I shouldn’t have left.” She pursed her lips together looking more disappointed than upset.

“No, you should’ve told them to mind their own damn business.” He was the one that sounded like he’d been outed.

Her brows raised in surprise at him, her lashes fluttering as she looked him over.

“Sorry.” He huffed out, joining her by the window.

“What are you mad about?” Her chin jutted upward as she offered him her cigarette. He took it with a twitching hand.

“I’m mad they upset you.”

“Don’t be. They didn’t know.” She sighed. “I mean, neither did you. Not really.” her lips formed a thin line, and her pronounced cupid’s bow stretched out.

“I knew something…” he trailed off and paused, there wasn’t any reason to get into it. “Are you okay?” He diverts his attention and hands her back the brightly glowing paper.

“I’m fine. I overreacted.” She looked away to her feet, an arm covering her chest.

“I don’t think so.” He offered his condolences.

“I’ve been drinking and smoking and I didn’t know if I’d get emotional and I didn’t wanna cry like some little kid in front of them so I removed myself from the situation.”

“Makes sense.” He spoke quietly and wanted to reassure her that she didn’t have to hide her emotions but he knew she didn’t like showing weakness. He knew she thought being emotional was weak. He related to that. “I know they’re not happy about upsetting you. For what it’s worth.”

“Yeah, I figured. As soon as I came in here I regretted leaving.” she rolled her eyes at herself and looked out to the field by her house dimly lit by a holiday-appropriate looking moon.

“It gave me a chance to lecture them about how stupid they were acting.” His eyes lit up a bit, his face losing its hard edge he’d entered with.

She let out a soft audible sigh at the sight of his brown eyes soft once again, looking to hers for approval.

“What?” he huffed, a crooked smile on his recently licked lips.

With a soft face, she stepped closer, closing the space between them. She tip-toed up to kiss him and he instinctively lowered his head to meet her halfway.

“What’s that for?” his half-lidded eyes gazed almost sleepily down at her smiling face.

“You know you don’t have to protect me from everything Eddie. It’s very cute. Endearing even, but you don’t have to.”

“I know.” He sounds unconvincing. “I don’t like it when you’re upset.” he reached out and took her hand into his. “Especially if it’s something I can stop.”

“That’s not your job, Eddie.” shaking her head, strand fell into her face as her shoulders jostled at a silent laugh.

“Sure it is.” he shrugged. He looked up to her from his face's lowered position, the tips of his wavy bangs tickling along his eyelids. A tease of dimple appeared on his cheek from the light-hearted grin he shot her way. “I mean, we did kiss so that pretty much means you’re like, my girlfriend now. So it’s my job.” He gives her his trademark charm and cheekiness as he expressively moves his head with his teasing words.

“Oh is that what that means?” Her whole chest moved with her laugh.

“I mean that’s what Katie Steinbeck told me in 2nd grade when she kissed me on the playground so… I think it holds up.”

Star's eyes shut with a hearty laugh.

“I’d say I can’t believe those little fuckers did that but I totally can. I thought they’d do worse, to be honest.”

“What’s worse than having to kiss you?” He scrunched his nose at her but his smile lines deepened. She dropped her jaw in dramatic offense taken.

“Having to kiss YOU.” She made a grossed-out face but leaned up to kiss him again.

A shared laugh got caught between presses of their lips.

“So gross.” He mumbled before pressing his mouth to hers a second time. He released their clasping fingers to pull her against him.

“Disgusting.” She objected only with the word, no tone of rejection was to be found in her voice or body language. His hand found her jaw and planted itself there as he felt her lean her weight into him at the touch.

“Why would anyone wanna kiss you?” His nose caressed hers before planting an audible kiss on her now shining lips.

“Couldn’t pay me to kiss you again.” She grinned before her tongue lapped against his full lower lip. A deep but playful grunt escaped him as his hand clutched her back and he returned the gesture. He felt the slightest catch in her exhale through his hot palm as his tongue traced her lip.

“Your trembling is giving you away.” He grinned before taking her lower lip into his mouth with a gentle suck. It extracted a small moan from her open mouth. He bit into the thick flesh and watched her eyes flutter shut, her mossy irises rolling to white before disappearing. She whined before he unlatched and set her free, a delicious throb in her lower lip grew as she pushed her mouth to his with a needy call for more. The heat grew between them, fanned by the heavy breaths they shared between cracks in the shifting seals of their kisses. Star felt the room spin, her eyes lolling about in their sockets before she parted from his thoroughly distracting mouth and took a deep breath.

“Oh boy. I am drunk.” A dopey smile crossed her face as she batted her eyes and steadied herself. “Got so worked up I got woozy.” She admitted with a bashful giggle.

“Well, I can’t very well be taking advantage of a drunk girl.” He gave her a soft smile she didn’t pay attention to. He turned her to the window, moving to stand her against his chest. His tender fingers tucked her hair back from her face as he let the cold air hit her directly from the window. “Especially one that that thinks kissing me is so gross. Maybe that’s it. You’re not drunk. You’re so grossed out by me you’re getting nauseous.” He saw her darling smile, shut eyes, and closed lips as she cozied into his embrace, her hands holding onto his arms that wrapped around her chest.

“Must be it.” She sighed contently, letting her head hang back and lay in his chest. He placed a kiss on her temple that drew a happy hum from her. “Let’s make everyone go home and we can get in bed.” She let out a yawn. Eddie grinned at her idea and put his face against hers as he spoke.

“I’ve got the next best thing.” He promised. ”They’re picking out a movie and you can get comfy on the couch and I’ll be right there with you.” She nodded, soaking in the feeling of the vibration from his voice moving into her body from the soft press of his face to hers.

“You don’t think it’ll be suspicious if we’re cuddled up on the couch?”

“I mean we kissed why stop there?” She felt his smile against her cheek and returned it earnestly.

“I can’t be seen snuggling with the likes of you.” She giggled and turned her head, kissing his cheek.

“How about… I’ve got a sleeping bag, I’ll put it right in front of the couch. How’s that sound? How’s that for compromise?”

“I’ll still smell you from there.” She snorted out a short-lived laugh. He bit her nose in retaliation and she wiggled and squeaked in his arms. He growled playfully and bit her jaw as she squirmed and he held her tightly.

“Let’s get some food in you so you’ll stop being so mean to me.” He noisily left a smack of a kiss on her cheek before releasing her from his arms and taking her hand to lead her toward the door.

-

Star got more homemade food in her stomach to soak up the alcohol. The boys apologized and she did as well. The subject was dropped and the next was raised as to which of the rentals they’d watch. Star and Eddie had seen all of them before but they happily piled into their soft nests to watch them again anyway. The boys sat in a trio and didn’t falter much, candy and soda fueling their banter.

Star and Eddie however faded much faster. She was on her front on the couch, and a comforter and pillows cocooned her in. Eddie’s sleeping bag was right against the couch, a pillow of Stars under his head, smashed into a square to prop him up. Star watched the light of the tv flicker across his face. The dying fire glowed against the darkness of the living room with its dated floral wallpaper and carpet. With the attention drawn to the screen and not them, she ran her fingers through his hair. At first, he was startled as he turned to back to check out what she was doing. She simply smiled and brushed his hair out of his face, continuing with her original intention. Throughout the movie they dozed, fighting sleep as she kept her nails to Eddie's scalp and played mindlessly in his wavy mop of hair. The soft but frizzy strands slipped through her fingers and soothed her with the repetitive motion.

They made it through the first movie, but by the middle of the second, everyone was starting to fade, even the sugar-filled youngsters. Eddie had laid on his back, accepting that sleep was coming for him. Star peered over the edge of the couch, walking her fingers up Eddie's chest and plucking his lower lip. She sighed and smiled, cheek mushed as her half-lidded eyes watched his. She tapped the button end of his nose and ran her nail up his bridge to his forehead. She ran the soft pad of her finger back down the center of his face. She traced his bone structure of eye sockets and jaw with a single exploratory finger. He closed his eyes and let her play. Another upward then down trek of the center of his face led her to his lips again. She traced the full shape pushing his cupid’s bow in then flicking his lower lip with her nail open. He fluttered his eyes open and smiled as she kept snapping his lower lip. He silently lunged and bit the end of her finger. He saw her jolt and grin, rolling back and disappearing before appearing again and stifling a laugh. She repeated her motion and he once again bit her fingertip, seemingly much to her delight. It felt wholesome and affectionate that night; her studying and fussing on him. He took her hand into his and kissed it. Her face softened, eyelids were heavy and happy. He kissed each finger pad, closing his eyes for an indulgent moment with the intimate contact. His larger and far stronger hand manipulated hers easily to nose and nuzzle it to repay the affection. He entwined their fingers, a cold metal shock to her skin as they laced against him. He placed a kiss and mouthed, “go to sleep”. She lifted his hand and kissed a bare-knuckle and let him have control of her hand again willingly.

“Okay.” She whispered. She nuzzled her head into her pillow, sleeping at the edge of the couch so they could both see each other. He left his hand in hers letting it rest on his chest and they fell asleep with the compromise of holding a single hand.

Part 11

Tag List (hopefully it works this time) Just ask to be added!

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[merakiui]

hiii!! it's yanven again!! i watched that video you sent me and officially finished book three; maybe i was wrong, though he's not one of my favorites, i do like azul more now ^^ i feel bad for him, but i really like that way each dorm leader until now has had a backstory that explains why they're acting that way ! they can be like jerks, but they're nuanced and you understand why, plus they develop! so far, the story has kept on getting better, so i can't wait for scarabia !!!

ahhh you're probably right!! though im sorry, but i laughed at that 'glowing mirror' part, hearing a certain voice felt silly haha! looking forward to see where the story goes again, though ;; though i heard there'd be a lot of events too, so it's gonna be busy...

omg can't wait to see if you ever do post that hitman thing!! you're right, the trio really is scary, especially since theyre working together so flawlessly TT on that note, i know id wanna meet floyd so badly (his va did such a good job omg!!) but he's tall and scary and id probably wet my pants if anything;; i think he'd find me boring though quickly haha

thank you sm!! i rarely get creative unless it's for a preexisting scenario or im listening to music, but i guess itll come in due time if i consume enough content hehe ^^ and of course!! im glad you don't find it embarassing or something .

i do wonder where you find your inspiration, though! does it just happen while you're enjoying games and stuff, or in your everyday casual life? it always interests me to see how content creators get their ideas :O

Hello again!! :D Aaa I'm happy you can like him! And I also enjoy the fact that there is some growth or lesson learned for each dorm leader. I'm glad they develop more as the story progresses while still retaining their personalities!! I'm patiently awaiting Scarabia chapter as well!!! But for now... master chef event!!! >:D

I also couldn't be serious when that part happened, so you aren't alone in your amusement! Even though I knew it would happen, I was still laughing to myself. It's really difficult to picture the owner of that voice as someone sinister or mysterious. ;;; But I'm excited for the events! I'm trying to save as many gems as I can for cards. T-T

I'm tempted to post it!! It feels as if I have a pool of concepts related to Octavinelle and I fish through it every now and then and pull out a new one haha. They're just so versatile when it comes to writing. Ooo and meeting Floyd!! He would be a very fun friend, but it would be exhausting after doing so many things with him. One minute you're having lunch and then he wants to go play a game and then do sports and... It's a really busy day. But he can be intimidating. >_< I wouldn't want to be on his bad side because he could probably snap me in half with ease. ;;;;;;;

You're welcome!! I'm hoping that by listening to music you can get some great inspiration! Sometimes even scrolling through word generators can give you specific words that will spark ideas!

Inspiration comes from all sorts of places like music, experiences in my life, aesthetics and tropes I like, books/movies, and plenty more. Sometimes it takes a while before an idea truly sticks with me and sometimes it’s very sudden. When I do have sudden inspiration, I’ll write it down somewhere so that I can return to the idea when I have a chance! 

[boss-poss]

I really think that people haven't grasped how insanely bleak the world of art is going to be once AI generation gets advanced enough to create even half coherent animation and video. In the space of few scant years it went from producing amusing nonsense that was seen as quaint to being able to create nearly any image prompted in relatively clear detail. It still can't do words right and you have to slog through a few pictures to get to a good one but that will likely be corrected in a couple generations of this technology. When it gets to the point where someone can input a script, set pieces, and a slew of aesthetic descriptors then wait a week and get even a semi-watchable show, I believe we are going to enter an artistic wasteland driven by human laziness and greed.

Consider how little corporations like Disney want to pay people to make their shows in the current year. They squeeze out crappy, garbage media en mass because its cheaper to just CGI everything and their reputation and sheer output will guarantee that enough people will watch it to make at least some profit while they fish for the next big thing to really rake in the money and make up for any lost on other ventures. Now give them the ability to have AI algorithms create full shows, hell, even partial shows that they can polish. They would release a season of a new show every week, everything and anything would get a show, reboot, or spinoff, and it would not only cost them less but allow them to flood the market with so much content that they could functionally monopolize it through sheer volume. It's hard to watch a competitor's product when you have to wade through a sea of copycat shows solely created to bury it and confuse you about which similar series is the one you wanted to watch. Sounds pretty horrible right? That's just one company.

Now imagine HBO, Paramount, WB, the rest of the big media producers all doing the same thing, all chasing trends, trying to steal the thunder from their competitors, and doing it all at the fraction of the cost of paying people to make a show in a fraction of the time. IPs will become so diluted and spread out that no story progress will be made until necessary. Shows will have so many spinoffs meant to be turned into crossover specials that conflict will be gridlocked and left stale and impotent. Copy after cheap copy after cheaper copy will follow any modicum of success and run entire genres into the ground, kill off all but the most broadly appealing content to be offered up to the people who are so lost among the vast oceans of choice that they just lap up whatever comes their way. You think streaming is a convoluted mess of services fighting and cannibalizing each other for content now? Try again in a couple of years when the fatigue of dealing with this shit really sets in and even the most popular shows are viewed as just mediocre. The sea will only get deeper, but surely something must break through to the surface.

And this is just watchable media. What about games? What happens when an algorithm can be handed a set of tools and spit out a playable product? Design? Set the rules and let the machine work out all the most efficient shape. This shift won't happen for a lack of care or interest in the traditional human method of creation, it will happen because people with money, seeking more money, will jump on the easiest and most efficient method of generating income, integrity and craft be damned. After all, art is just pretty shapes and colors to stick in a corner of your mansion you'll never visit and as bragging rights. Series and movies are for the poor to distract themselves from their shitty lives for a bit. Video games are for children and imbeciles. What is there to lose?

[peakyblinded]

Mikey anon here👋🏻

We do indeed get each other. There’s tv shows that have had similar controversy (lost, Veronica Mars etc) that I haven’t watched so I never got the anger but I think about peaky and OH MY GOD I GET IT! I think I knew deep down that we weren’t gonna get our ideal (the right) ending.

I do understand what you mean about Diana Jack and Oswald. Individually the characters are interesting and if they hadn’t been in peaky but in their own show or a spin off I’d watch the shit out of it - but their presence in peaky was disruptive in a bad way.

Like you I am not a fan of fascism, but also like you I’m intrigued by the characters and their motivations. On another show I would be interested but they were not needed on this one.

Leaving Michael to rot and then get shot was just a waste of a brilliant character and actor. Schedule conflict or not there’s no excuse for me. We already had to wait years in between series’ I would have waited longer for a decent one.

When Tommy was gonna kill himself and then it turned out he wasn’t Terminally ill and didn’t need to I genuinely groaned. What was the bloody point? Obviously his mental health was something that needed to be brought up often because that’s the reality of it but that end scene of burning the caravan was just a bit dramatic to turn out to be completely unneeded.

Also Iv not mentioned it but I need to. The constant song breaks with montages of people looking pained or dramatic scenery shots in them was silly and excessive. Another example of Steven knight going overboard and sacrificing quality for….I’m not sure (Aesthetics?)

I want the very best joe and Finn because they are a very talented pair and they seem decent in real life

Hiii 🌼

Tommy's whole ✨i'm dying, yet invincible✨ trope is getting so overused, and it really peaked in this season. I've been kinda done it for years tbh, bc they way his mental health is portrayed and used in this show somehow isn't appealing to me. which i know is a me problem (so don't come at me tommy stans). It was also pretty obvious that his story, just like all the other stories of s6, served one purpose - as a build up the movie they're allegedly gonna make. idk. im not a fan of the idea...

we waited so long for a season who was just build up for a movie.

and they killed of the main antagonist (imo).

like what's left? what's the conflict gonna be? i'm sorry but we need more than tommy's inner demons. and like you and already have established, fascists don't count. they're irrelevant.

as for the overuse of dramatic montages with people in pain is for sure overused. as a gif maker tho i can't really complain 😇 but i see what you mean, it would be nice with some quality content instead. after all, there's only 6 epispodes per season, so every minute counts here guys!

[let-it-raines]

Prompt - David and Mary Margaret discover this great groupon deal for an autumn leaf changing tour and cabin rental in Vermont, but the catch, it's for 4 people. Enter in the reluctant best friends that can't stand each other. (And you know, the cabin only has 2 rooms)

🍁 found on ao3 | here | 🍁 

-/-

Here’s the thing about Killian Jones: Emma doesn’t hate him.

She really, really doesn’t. Hate is a strong word that she saves for people like Neal and the asshole who took her parking spot and made her lose her skip and her bigger paycheck last week. It’s not a word she uses to describe her opinion of Killian Jones. That would be better described as mistrust or slight animosity or dislike. In the nicest of terms, it could be described as nonchalance and uncaring, maybe a little bit of annoyance, but those are only true when she hasn’t seen him for awhile and has forgotten how annoying he can be.

Right now, annoyance is the exact word she would use to describe her relationship with him, mostly because his appearance was unexpected and unwelcome.

A month ago, Mary Margaret called Emma and told her that she and David won a trip to Vermont for a weekend of walking trails to see the leaves changing. It included free lodging, free dinners, tickets to a farm where you could pick your own apples and pumpkins and sit at their restaurant on the lake and drink the cider brewed at that very farm. It sounded nice, like the plot and setting of a Hallmark movie Emma only watches when she’s at Mary Margaret’s loft, and Emma told Mary Margaret that she hoped they had a good time.

Then Mary Margaret told her the trip was actually for four people, invited Emma and their mutual friend Ruby, and Emma figured why not? Her job has been stressing her out lately, and it’s a free vacation. Who passes up a free vacation?

Ruby Lucas apparently does in order to go to help her grandmother with the catering of a last-minute wedding, and Emma didn’t know about that until she got in the back of David’s truck and saw Killian Jones sitting in the spot that was supposed to be Ruby’s.

She feels cheated.

This was supposed to be relaxing even if it was going to be spent watching David and Mary Margaret be overly affectionate with each other, and now she has to deal with Killian for an entire weekend.

That’s two days and twelve hours too long if she includes today…which she definitely is.  

They’ve been in the truck for a little over three hours, which means they should be at the lodge soon, and Emma’s trying to focus on the scenery outside. It’s gorgeous, much more rural than what she’s used to living in the central part of Boston, and from what she’s heard of the lodge and the trails surrounding it, it’s only supposed to get better.

This is good. This can be a good weekend. Maybe she can go off on her own for most of it, and she won’t have to be with Killian or the lovebirds. They’ll be too busy getting lost in each other’s eyes, and he’ll be too busy flirting with every woman around. There’s definitely got to be opportunity for her to go off on her own.

If not, she might fling herself into a pile of leaves and never emerge for air.

And she’ll definitely blame it on Ruby for not telling Emma about her last-minute cancellation.

When they do eventually arrive at the lodge – after thirty minutes of Killian complaining about one of his coworkers – it turns out to look more like a small castle than anything else. It’s made of gray stone and covered in ivy and weeds while still being maintained. There’s a round fountain in front of the entryway, and behind the building, Emma can see the path that leads down to the lake and the hills that are full of trees behind it. Every tree is a different shade of red, orange, green, and yellow, and Emma has never wanted to take a picture of nature so much in her life. She’s about to live out the life of one of those girls on Instagram who only do things for the aesthetics, and for a weekend, she can’t say she minds.

What she does mind, however, is that when David hands her the key to her room, he hands Killian a key to the same room.

The same room as in her room.

Her. Room.

Hers.  

“No.”

“Why are you saying no?” David asks, tilting his head in question.

“No, as in no I will not share a room. I thought I was getting my own room.”

“It’s a couple’s weekend, Emma, and I bet you would have been fine sharing a room with Ruby.”

“Yeah, because Ruby’s…”

“Ruby’s not me,” Killian interjects, wrapping his arm around Emma’s shoulder. She tries to shrug it off, but it doesn’t move anywhere. It’s deadweight up there, and Killian has unfortunately turned so he can’t see her death stare. Not that it would have any effect on him. “You see, Dave, it’s just that Emma is wildly attracted to me, and she doesn’t think she’ll be able to contain herself knowing I’m only a few feet away from her, especially when she discovers I sleep in the nude.”

“Oh my God.” Emma moves from underneath Killian’s arm, her strength coming back to her, and moves toward her – their, ugh – door. She turns the key, which is for some reason the old fashioned kind and not a card. “Please stop talking, Jones. I am not wildly attracted to you, and I can handle sharing a room. I’m not a child.”

“See, I knew the lass could do it.”

He winks at her and does this ridiculous eyebrow thing at David, and Emma is seriously considering paying thousands of dollars (she googled this place when they walked inside, and it is not cheap) for her own room.

“We’ll meet you guys in the lobby in thirty minutes, okay? We’re going on a tour of the grounds with our guide and then dinner, so dress for both.”

“When is the hike?” Emma asks, lingering in the doorway.

“Not until tomorrow. I’ll get Mary Margaret to send you the itinerary.”

“She already has. I just haven’t looked at it.”

“I’m not telling her that,” David laughs. “See you soon.”

Emma waves, smiling at David, and turns into the room, dragging her luggage behind her. It doesn’t take long before she’s stopped in her tracks, her sneakers snagging in the carpet, as Killian runs into her back.

“Bloody hell, why’d you stop like that?”

She opens her arm to the bed – singular – in front of them, which would look cozy and soft and all of the good things if she had it all to herself. “If you didn’t bring clothes to sleep in, you’re sleeping in your fucking jeans,” she mumbles before turning toward the bathroom and closing the door behind her.

This is fine.

This is all fine. Emma has been through a hell of a lot worse, and maybe Killian won’t be an ass. Maybe he’ll be the gentleman he always claims to be.

She’s never believed him for a second when he’s said shit like that.

Emma changes out of her leggings and sweatshirt into a pair of jeans and a thick sweater, grabbing her red plaid jacket and a beanie and placing them to the side for when she leaves. She puts on some mascara, a swipe of lipstick, and brushes out her hair. This is as good as it’s going to get, and she doesn’t mind that. Mary Margaret will tell her that tomorrow or whenever they go to the nice dinner that she’ll have to dress up, and Emma is giving herself a break on the makeup until then.

She had to pile it on every night this week for work, and her skin is screaming for a break.

Killian knocks on the door, telling her to hurry up because he has to get ready too, so she takes five extra minutes…out of spite…because she knows it’s just petty enough for it to rub him the wrong way. She doesn’t feel bad about it either. Killian would do the same damn thing.

“You look nice,” Killian tells her when she opens the bathroom door and he’s standing on the wall opposite the bathroom, leg propped up and arms crossed over his chest. His eyes trail up and down her body, and Emma moves out of the doorway. A shiver runs down her spine, but she ignores it.

Definitely, definitely ignores it.

It’s cold up in Vermont, even colder than in Boston, and these old walls aren’t helping.

Killian takes approximately two minutes to get ready, all of which is probably spent getting into ridiculously tight jeans, and then they’re begrudgingly walking to the lobby where David and Mary Margaret are waiting for them already talking to the guide, a peppy woman named Anna who is like the redheaded version of Mary Margaret when Mary Margaret is in one of her “everything is a fairytale” moods.  

Anna takes them throughout the property, giving them the history of the place while offering up different amenities that are not included with the package they won but still accessible if they’re willing to pay. There’s a spa, a gym, three different hiking trails, an option to take row boats out on the lake if the weather is nice, and there are two different restaurants on the property. They also offer drivers to several places around town, including the grocery store and the farm they’ll be visiting tomorrow after their hike, and Emma is sure several other things are said. She zones out about halfway through, distracted by the view of the trees and how they’re reflected on the lake. Everything is in an orange glow right now, one that brings comfort to Emma.

She’s always liked sunsets. It’s cheesy and she’d never admit it out loud, but she likes the predictability of them. They don’t always look the same, but they happen every day, even if she can’t see it. She likes that, having that constant. It’s not something she has a lot of, constants that is, and she takes every one she can get.

Maybe this weekend won’t be so bad.

If she says that enough, she just might believe it.

-/-

Dinner is nice.

The food is good, the wine surprisingly good since she was pretty sure it was going to be some funky homemade stuff, and even more surprisingly, the company is great.

When she thinks that, she wonders if the alcohol content in the wine was higher than the server said it was.

All the good thoughts about Killian go away, however, when they’re back in their (still so awful to have to think) hotel room, and Emma is awkwardly sitting on the edge of the bed rubbing lotion on her arms. Killian, thank goodness, is in a pair of plaid pajama pants and a t-shirt, so he’s not even going to attempt to sleep naked.

She was 100% sure that he would try, and she’s honestly kind of sad she won’t get a chance to slap him.

On the cheek.

On his face.

She doesn’t want to slap him anywhere else.

Okay, that wine’s alcohol content was definitely higher than it should have been.

Killian plops down on the bed, the mattress shaking beneath him, and tugs the covers over him. His movements jostle her, and she grits her teeth as she finishes moisturizing. He turns on the TV, puts it on some show she has never heard of, and Emma tries to keep calm. She’s tired. She’s going to fall asleep quickly, and the TV won’t bother her. She falls asleep every night with the TV on, so this is nothing new.

Emma turns down the corner of the bed on her side and slides underneath before flipping the switch for the light. The room darkens except for the TV and the glow of the alarm clock, and Emma closes her eyes. They’ve got a lot to do tomorrow, and she doesn’t want to be walking around wishing she had an IV of coffee to keep her awake.

Slowly, sleep comes for her, tugging at the corners of her eyes, and just as she’s about to succumb to it, the comforter is tugged off of her, leaving her foot exposed to the cold air of the room.

What the hell?

Emma tugs it back, shifting her leg to have it covered, and for a moment, she’s warm. Warm and cozy and not even the too loud laugh track on the TV is disturbing her.

The fact that Killian pulls away the comforter again is, however, disturbing her.

Actually, it really freaking annoys her, so she pulls it back. Hard this time, and Killian grunts in response and rolls over. she feels his foot brush against her calf, and she kicks out, moving him back to his side. It’s only a queen-sized bed, so there’s not a lot of room for them to stay separate. She’s about three seconds away from finding pillows or their suitcases and putting them in between the two of them so he stops encroaching on her space.

And taking her comforter.

Because it’s definitely hers. Just like this room was supposed to be.

Killian wasn’t even supposed to be on this trip. It was supposed to be Ruby, who definitely would have stayed on her side of the bed. Better yet, she probably would have met someone and would be staying with them, and Emma would have this entire bed to herself.

It’s so comfortable that it’s a shame she has to share it. She’s not used to that anymore, and she likes to stretch out.

The comforter moves again, and Emma grips onto it, holding it where she is and tucking it underneath her ass to keep it as steady as possible. At this point, he has to be doing it to annoy her, and Emma is not going to lose this battle.

She’ll stay up all night if she has to.

“You know, Swan,” Killian mumbles, “normally I prefer to do more enjoyable activities with a woman on her back than fight over the covers.”

Emma groans and rolls over on her stomach, pointedly kicking out at him. “Shut up, Jones.”

“If that’s what the lady wishes.”

Emma mutters into her pillow, and for a few minutes, as the blanket stealing calms down and the TV quiets, Emma wonders if she could feasibly fake some sleeping disorder that has her punching Killian in the face all night.

She can be a pretty good actress sometimes. She could probably pull it off.

She doesn’t do that, though, because she eventually falls asleep, one foot sticking out into the cold air.

Damn you, Jones.

-/-

There’s a warm body nears hers.

That’s the first thought Emma has when she wakes up – after thinking of how annoying her alarm sound is. The body warm and solid and a little hairy, and it takes her two seconds to remember where she is and who she’s sharing a bed with. She knew she should have slept on the floor last night because in no world does she want to have her leg pressing up against Killian’s leg and her ass…

“Oh my God,” she murmurs, eyes blowing wide as she turns and moves her body as much as she can. “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my Goooooooood.”

“What are you yelling about?” Killian groans, shifting behind her, which only makes it worse.

“I’m not yelling,” Emma hisses. She pushes away and sits up, and there’s no need to even adjust the comforter because none of it is on her. “What are you doing near me?”

He raises his brow, wrinkles on his forehead popping up. Getting a look at him now, she knows the ruffled look he sometimes does with his hair is natural, and for some reason, that really freaking annoys her.

“I was sleeping until you decided to have a conniption.”

“Yeah, well that’s because your dick…oh shit.”

Emma wasn’t going to say that. She really wasn’t, and from the way Killian’s brow is arching higher, she knows that she’s messed up. She’s given him the perfect set up for all of his innuendos, and knowing him, she’s never going to be allowed to live this down.

What a great start to her morning.

“Usually that’s not the reaction, but I understand your shock, love. You weren’t prepared, and it’s, well, a lot to take in.”

“Oh my God, shut up.” She takes the pillow from behind her and smacks him with it as he laughs. He’s getting far too much enjoyment out of this, and she’s wondering how long she would be in jail if she smothered him. “I’m going to take a shower.”

“Make it cold and bracing. I think you might need it.”

“Yeah, I’m not the one with morning wood, but you keep thinking that.” She gets off the mattress and reaches down for her bag. Killian may have unpacked his stuff, but she didn’t bother to do that, even if it means everything is wrinkled. “Please don’t take care of it while I’m showering. That’s just…we have to share the bed, Jones, and I’ve worked in hotels before. I know they don’t always change the sheets.”

He mock salutes, the cheekiest grin on his face, and this is really going to be a long day.

-/-

It’s a long day.

Before she can even get coffee in her, she’s dragged out to the hiking trail. The sun hasn’t fully risen, and they’re supposed to be watching the sunrise and how it matches up with all the changing trees. It’s beautiful. She knows it is, and she does manage to take some pictures that she’s sure capture about half of the beauty. The thing is that despite her best efforts, she didn’t sleep well, and she’s only running on adrenaline and annoyance.

Mostly at Killian.

He’s been staring at her all morning, a joke on the tip of his tongue about their morning, and he’s started to make them several times before Emma shoots him a look or elbows him in the stomach. Mary Margaret has given Emma several funny looks, and if she wasn’t so wrapped up in David and the romance of the changing leaves and the sunrise, she’d probably ask about it.

Mary Margaret is not one for subtlety or staying out of someone else’s business.

David guides them over the trail, which is somehow all uphill despite no discernible incline, and eventually the come to a perch with a few of the lake and the lodge, miles of trees surrounding it. Emma doesn’t think she’s ever seen anything quite like it, and now she can truly see why so many people travel here just to stare at some trees.

“It’s something isn’t it, Swan?” Killian asks as he walks up behind her, the heat of his body making the chill of the air fade for a moment.

“Yeah, it’s beautiful.”

“I didn’t think looking at trees would be your thing. I don’t take you as much of a nature person.”

Emma turns to face him and crosses her arms over her chest. “You don’t know me well enough to know if I’m a nature person or not.”

He steps closer, invading her space like he always does, and maybe she’s a bit of a liar when she says he doesn’t know her. “Just who are you then, Swan?”

Emma cocks her head and straightens her back, not letting him overwhelm her. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

He smiles and nods, lashes fluttering until his eyes are hooded. “Perhaps I would.”

“We better get moving if we want to make it to the apple orchard on time,” David tells them, making Emma jump away from Killian and smooth down her flannel over her stomach. “You okay? You look flushed.”

“Just the walk,” Emma lies. “I’m sure that’s all.”

-/-

“I will throw this apple at your head.”

“I don’t believe you.”

Emma groans, audibly, and plucks another apple from the tree and puts it in her basket. It’s getting a little heavy, and not in a million years could she eat all these apples before they spoil. They’re not for her, though. They’re for the farm and its cider and pies and tarts and all the other apple goods they make. She must admit that it’s a brilliant business plan, having people pick the apples for you and then make them pay for it and the food and drinks.

She can’t believe people actually pay to do this. The hike, she gets, foraging for your own food, not so much.

Emma picks an apple out of her basket, one that kind of looks gross and a little squished, and she tosses it at the back of Killian’s head. It hits, just barely, and she stops as he reaches up to touch his hair.

“What is wrong with you?” he hisses, turning around to glare at her.

“You’re the one who has spent the last ten minutes being invasive to my personal life, so what’s wrong with you?”

“Asking if you were still seeing Graham Humbert is not invasive.”

“It is definitely invasive.”

Killian’s shoulders shrug, and he steps closer to her. Really close, actually. He does this obnoxious thing where he’s always encroaching on her space when he speaks, swaying closer and dipping his head down until their eyes are level. He’s doing that now, obnoxious, downright cocky grin gracing his lips, and Emma backs away, dodging some low-hanging apples, until her back is against the tree and she’s putting her basket on the ground. She really hopes there aren’t ants crawling all over her, but at this point, she’s too distracted to care.

For every inch that she moved, Killian matched her. And now, he’s more in her space than ever, the heat of his body warming her more than her jacket. How is he that damn hot?

Only in the temperature sense…not in the other way. She is obviously still a little tipsy from the wine last night that she still maintains had a higher alcohol content than usual.

He chuckles, and his eyes look at her before glancing down at her lips. It’s not even a quick glance. It’s pointed, and Emma knows she was meant to notice it.

“Please,” Emma huffs, “you couldn’t handle it.”

He doesn’t even flinch. “Perhaps you’re the one who couldn’t handle it.”

She wants to say something back, some smart, snide remark that will make him frustrated, but she also wants to prove him wrong. Emma doesn’t care what anyone else has to say, and she’s heard all the rumors. Kissing Killian Jones is not going to have an effect on her.

So she grabs the lapels of his coat and pulls him forward until his mouth is on hers and Emma’s head is pressing into the back of the tree. The bark scratching the back of her neck would be uncomfortable if she wasn’t so focused on Killian. He’s not kissing her back, his lips rigid against her, and she’s just about to pull back and give him shit over being a horrible kisser when he moves. His hand comes to her hair, yanking on the strands as he tilts her head the way he wants it, and his prosthetic rests at her waist. Every thought she had about him being stiff was wrong.

She’s never felt anyone move like this.

She’s also had some pretty damn good kisses in her life, but she can’t remember the last time one took her breath away and made heat curl over her skin as soft lips moved over her and slightly rough stubble scratched against her skin, likely leaving her red.

Emma can’t remember the last time she was kissed well, and damn, what a shame that is.

She could get used to that.

But she knows that’s a dangerous thought, and this is a dangerous game she’s playing. If she’s bringing cards to the table to play, she has to be open to the possibility that she can lose her hand.

Emma isn’t open to that right now.

So, she pulls back, just barely though, and tries to catch her breath as Killian does the same. He’s panting, and in any other circumstance, the sound would be like heaven to her, a strong indication of what’s to come next. Not in this one, though, and when Killian moves in, she pulls away.

“That was,” he begins, seemingly trailing off in a search for the words to describe what just happened.

She doesn’t know either, but it doesn’t take her long to figure out what she wants to say.

“A one-time thing,” she finishes, knowing she has to say it as she looks at him and the flush of his cheeks. “I’m going to find David and Mary Margaret. Don’t follow me. Wait five minutes and...” she glances down toward his jeans “…calm down.”

He mockingly bows, same smug smile she’s used to back on his lips. She knows how they feel now, and that feels wrong.

“As you wish, milady.”

-/-

The late afternoon lunch (or is it early dinner considering the time?) is awkward as hell. They’re sitting at a small, supposedly cozy table in the midst of the most romantic patio ever created (think of all the string lights in the world and then double it) with wine and cider in their glasses and good food on the table in front of them.

Emma wants to run away.

She can’t.

It really freaking sucks.

And it doesn’t help that Killian keeps looking at her with these big blue eyes that she doesn’t normally see. He looks earnest almost, and she doesn’t think Killian Jones has been earnest a day in his life.

Then again, how much does she know?

“Oh, this is so romantic,” Mary Margaret sighs. “I’m so glad we won this trip.”

“Does romance include two of your mates sitting at the table with you?” Killian asks. “Dave was playing footsy with me earlier we’re so cramped in here.”

“Was that you?” David hisses, cheeks going red, and Emma starts to laugh. That’s the best thing she’s heard all day.

“Yes, it is romantic even with you and Emma here. And with David somehow mistaking your leg with mine.”

“In my defense, Killian’s calves are only a little bigger than yours, sweetheart.”

“I’m not sure whether to be flattered or insulted.”

“Flattered, of course,” Killian says. “I have bloody fantastic legs. Ask Swan here. She felt them up last night.”

Emma kicks out her foot at Killian under the table, not one hundred percent sure she’s actually hitting his leg, but then she sees the slight wince. Gotcha.

“So, what are we doing after this?” Emma asks to change the subject. “Another hike? More apple picking? Second dinner?”

Mary Margaret sighs, “a carriage ride back to the hotel, but they’re going to take us the scenic route.”

“Of course they are,” Emma mutters, stabbing her food and stuffing it into her mouth. She’s going to need more wine.

-/-

The carriage ride is worse than the dinner. For one, the horses smell horrible, much worse than the food, and the carriage is somehow smaller than their table. She’s pressed completely up against Killian, their sides aligned, and he has his arm over her shoulder while they share a blanket. She tried to refuse, but it’s gotten really cold. Her nose and her fingers are going to fall off soon, and she’s as zipped up as she can be.

David and Mary Margaret practically make out across from them, and even though Emma knows more about their sex life than she would ever want to know, sitting his close to it as a horse drags them along the road is not something she’s comfortable with.

“Make it stop,” she murmurs into Killian’s shoulder, half to keep her from having to look at David and Mary Margaret but mostly to keep her nose warm.

“I’m afraid we have to ride this one out, love. If you want, we could share our own kiss…again.”

She hits his thigh underneath the blanket. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Whatever helps you sleep through the night.”

-/-

She doesn’t sleep through the night.

She’s too aware of her surroundings, of the warm body a few inches from her own.

It’s all too much, even if he didn’t try to steal the covers tonight, and if she wasn’t so damn stubborn, she’d sleep on the floor. She told herself she would do that tonight, but now it feels like admitting defeat.

Emma doesn’t like to admit defeat.

-/-

They go for another hike the next morning, their last morning in Vermont.

Emma sticks next to David the entire time, asking him mundane questions she doesn’t care about just to keep the conversation flowing and to keep Killian from making any jokes she doesn’t want him to make. It works, mostly, and Emma is even able to enjoy herself and the view for a lot of it. Boston can be gorgeous, but she’s going to miss a lot of this.

It’s the picture perfect dream, but Emma knows perfection doesn’t exist. And in pictures, it’s almost always photoshopped.

Doesn’t make it any less stunning as she stares out at it all, and it doesn’t make her want the picture perfect dream any less. The one where she isn’t so scared of getting hurt again and where she lets herself have fun, lets herself feel safe.

Lets her heart in on the decision making with her head.

-/-

Emma sleeps on most of the car ride back to Boston, and when she wakes up, it’s with a sore neck and tired eyes. It’s also in front of her apartment. She thanks the Nolans for the weekend, and very slowly, it dawns on her that Killian is no longer in the car. They must have dropped him off first, and she doesn’t know why, but it stings a bit that she doesn’t get to say goodbye to him as well.

That’s the lack of sleep talking, obviously.

Emma would never miss saying goodbye to Killian because that would mean she was going to miss his presence. She wouldn’t do that, though. Of course not. Because she didn’t have a good time when he was around. He didn’t make her smile at all this weekend.

He never makes her smile at all.

If Emma was using her own superpower to detect lies, there would be a blaring red light over her head with a little bell blaring in her ears.

She is ignoring it in favor of stuffing everything about this weekend in her bag and not looking into it. It was pretty. Nice pictures were taken, good food was had, and nothing else happened.

(Ding, ding, ding.)

-/-

Life returns to normal. She goes to work, goes to the gym, is occasionally dragged out to bars and clubs with her friends on the nights she isn’t working.

(She does finally get that guy from two weeks ago, and the paycheck is worth the struggle.)

Killian is around a lot more than he usually is. He’s in school getting his degree in software engineering on some scholarship he got from his service in the Navy, and he usually bartends at night. That job fizzled out, though, so when they all have pizza night or go out or meet up for lunch, he’s usually there.

Emma finds it odd, but she doesn’t mind.

She doesn’t pay much attention to him because she’s making a conscious effort specifically not to pay attention to him, not until he misses a fantastic opportunity to make an innuendo, and she realizes he hasn’t been making a lot of those lately. They’re there, sure, but not in as high of a quantity as they usually are.

It’s weird, but the weirdest thing about it all is how much she misses them.

Huh.

When did that happen?

When did the flirting stop annoying her and start making her laugh? When did she start liking it?

Liking him?

The thought comes to her without true warning and without permission. It’s wiggled its way out of the deep caverns of her mind and made it to the surface, gasping for air so it can live out in the open. She has a physical reaction to it, her hands coming to cover her mouth as she inhales a deep breath that has everyone looking away from the TV to look at her.

“You alright?” Ruby asks from her spot on David and Mary Margaret’s couch.

“I’m fine,” Emma lies, knowing her friends won’t push her further. They’ve known her long enough to know not to do that too often. “Just need some water.”

She gets up from her chair and walks toward the kitchen, her mind running faster than Usain Bolt, and she tries to focus on pouring herself a glass of water and on the football game that’s on. She doesn’t even really like football, but it’s kind of a fall tradition around here. She just has to go with it.

Everything is fine. This is fine.

This is…this is crazy. It’s even crazier that she can’t tell if her body is experience fear, joy, or some insane mixture of both bottled up with all of the adrenaline it can muster.

“You sure you’re alright, love?” Killian asks as he walks into the kitchen puts his plate in the sink. Of course he followed her in here. He, unlike Ruby, Mary Margaret, and David, has no qualms about bothering her. “You look a bit flushed. You’ve gone red around your cheeks.”

“Fine,” she lies again. “I’m fine.”

If she says that word enough, it’ll be true.

“Are you certain because I – ”

“Why don’t you flirt with me anymore?” she blurts before she can stop herself. She must be going crazy because this is insane. Who has taken over her body, and can she get it back please? Preferably before she does something stupid like kissing him again.

Then again, that wasn’t all stupid. It felt pretty damn good.

Killian arches his brow, his forehead wrinkling, and she knows she’s about to get some dumbass answer. He scratches behind his ear with his prosthetic. “Because if I’m to win your heart Emma, as I’d like to, I’d like to do it in a way that doesn’t piss you off, as much as I do love that. It’s quite entertaining for me, especially when you go red as you are now. It’s a becoming color on you, but I realize my methods of getting your attention were a bit childish.”

Well, okay then. Maybe not a dumbass answer.

This is a weird, weird few minutes.

“Are you trying to tell me you’ve been doing the adult equivalent of pulling pigtails on a playground?’

He shrugs. “Aye, I guess.”

Emma, once more, doesn’t know what to do or say, so she lets instinct drive her. She steps forward and places her hand on his shoulder, looking him dead in the eye. They’re ridiculously blue, and it’s just not fair. “Asking me to dinner would have worked much better than that. Food has always been the way to my heart, especially if it’s cheap, greasy, and will make my stomach hurt afterward.”

She leaves the ball in his court (or in his possession on the field since they’re watching football and her sports metaphors should make sense, and she’s 82% sure that’s a correct metaphor), and walks away before being pulled back by her wrist until she’s looking at him again.

Once more, he’s earnest, and she’s still getting used to that.

And those blue eyes. Those too. They don’t have to be all devilish all the time.

“Would you like to go to dinner with me, love?” Killian asks, hopeful, kind smile on his face.

Genuine. He’s genuine, and she feels that little flutter that she hasn’t felt in awhile, not since she kissed him against the apple tree to prove a point to herself that she wouldn’t be affected by kissing him.

Emma really is a bad liar, especially when she’s lying to herself.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

[savrenim]

hi hi hi. so I just got into the Hamilton fandom, I swear I am four years late where did everybody go, and, well. I am apparently a hamburr shipper. bcs that is my life now. anyway I saw your fic ifmlam and I swear it is my favourite of all the fics I've ever read (and trust me I've read literally thousands). I love it so so much, how do you write fics like that??? I cried about four times during the whole thing, I stayed up till 4am reading it even when I had to wake up at 7 because it is just. that. good. I could not stop thinking about it for days afterwards and ifmlam has just ruined me. I can't think of listen to Hamilton without thinking of ifmlam anymore.

on to my qursttion: is it abandoned? of course it's perfectly FINE if it is. don't let anyone tell u differently, your fic is YOURS and u are amazing.

but pls I really need closure from ur fic, it has been haunting me if its abandoned or ongoing and I've read ur other fics and they are just chefskiss and thank you so much for writing them all. thank you thank you thank you, I will never be able to thank you enough for writing this fic and for everything it's done for me. I am probably thousands of miles away but I am sending you virtual jugs through a co.puter screen right now.

(don't feel pressured to reply to this or update it flam, I know how overwhelming it can get with so many messages and after a while u get desensitized to it. u can literally reply "thx. itfmlam is abandoned" and I would still be amazingly star struck. anyway has gotten way too long and I need to sleep and I'm sorry u probably won't see this so I'm just talking to myself right now but bye!!)

and thank you so so much for writing itfmlam.

aaaah hello anon!

thank you so so much???? I am so??? honored??? that ifmlam rates so highly to you, and also that you've read my other fics??????

the answer to the "is ifmlam abandoned" question is probably the worst possible one, which is pretty much "I do want to finish it, both for the folks that still want closure as well as it bothers to me have abandoned projects that are in the public eye/ already partially published, but also, it is last on my current writing projects list"

my current actually active writing projects list, kind of in order of priority, is

I'm literally three chapters away from being Actually Fully Done with the not-quite-first-not-quite-second let's call it 1.5th draft of an actual?? full?? original?? novel?? Opus which of course then goes out to beta readers and then gets who-knows-how-much edited and then maybe beta readers again if a lot does change and then a copyeditor my mom, my copyeditor is my mom, and maybe my little brother he's one of the betas but is very good at catching typos and then I!!! get to publish it!!!! which is the single thing I am most excited for!!!!!!!!! this should be closed up in the next week or two, and then take a while for people to actually read the draft and get back to me.

I really desperately want to finish my open-but-like-90%-written fic, which means we raise it up, the final chapter of to the bottom of the river bc I realized that it was kind of incomplete, and the second chapter of a buried and a burning flame because any more work there will need to wait until the author publishes the next book in the series. this should be closed up in the next month or two.

Speedwrite the draft of the second book of the Opus series so that hopefully by the time book 1 edits are happening, I have an almost complete draft of the second book. this is mostly me side-eyeing myself about taking nearly four years to write the first book, but that is solidly in part because I had so many other open projects which point 2 is about clearing that docket. this should be done in the next year.

And then just have my major projects be, at least until books 1-5 are written and published, books 1-5 of that because that is arguably the first major 'plot arc' of the series, so if I'm looking for a pause point on writing, that's probably where to stop.

There are two or three other short side projects (a weird fun second person short story tentatively titled witch-queen, a collection of four short stories Memoirs about a not-so-evil necromancer and the shenanigans he gets up to trying to rule a kingdom, working title Perfectly Normal Recipe Blog which is a collaborative project about a perfectly normal recipe blog that definitely doesn't include anything out of the normal) that will happen when they happen

There are other projects that are on the backburner -- The Numanok Files, a series of probably 12-15 short novellas about a mercenary/ bounty hunter esque person in space whose specialty is dealing with hauntings, but, like, 80% of their jobs is actually "you are effectively a space home inspector pointing out faulty wiring reacting to solar flares/ there's a weird alien fungus/ it's carbon monoxide okay change your atmosphere filters" and 20% of it is punching ghosts; there's a post-post apocalypse novel that I want to write that I know characters and general pacing and half the setting but need to work out the other half and figure out how much aesthetic I want to commit to; there's Strangeside7 aka spacerace book that is my reaction to how much I love how Redline the anime movie commits itself to "no we are about a race, like 60% of the screentime is just fully going to be an utterly ridiculous sci fi space race"; there's even a ridiculous YA trilogy that I would have to completely transplant the setting but might end up writing because the interplay between angel-physics and physics-physics was one of my favorite things in the world. and I guess the weird ridiculous technically a sequel series to ifmlam that was going to be published as original books that was basically me having fun with 'okay I fucking love star wars prequels old rotting space bureaucracy galactic republic style' except with seers and that also still might happen because it does have some of the coolest sci fi concepts and honestly I thiiiink that's all?

but the tl;dr of that timeline is I'm trying to finish a punch of projects Right Now, so that I can write books 2-5 of Opus, and then when I'm done that (which honestly, my average fiction-writing output is close to 100k a year. if I'm concentrating purely on one project, and writing books that are about 100k, we are talking four years. although my job situation is super up in the air in that period and writing might get put solidly on the backburner as I try to make it in academia, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) I will re-evaluate which projects go next, and that's when ifmlam is likely to come up for review.

I do not have any expectations that I will make it as an original author. I'm planning on posting all of my stuff online for free, but, like. it is incredibly difficult to convince people to try out even a piece of free and easily accessibly original work even if one has a huge following, I am a very small fanfiction author, and from what I can tell the majority of the people who are interested in my work are mostly interested in me finishing ifmlam. writing is a hobby for me, and while I'm writing mostly for me--and hence the for me bit at least for the next five years is pretty solidly going to be this series that I am deeply excited about and have sunk my heart and soul into every single aspect of--I'm human, and I don't really like shouting into the void, and I expect if I spend five years publishing to absolutely no response I will either stop writing for a while and do other things gods know my life is busy enough, return to fandom in general to write some other fanfic about whatever I get deeply into, or return to a work that I actually get response to. so ifmlam will probably start getting worked on a bit at that point one way or another. unless, of course, we are in the incredibly rare timeline in which I do make it as an original author, there are people who are deeply hyped for my original works and an actual demand for them, in which case as you may have noticed there are enough ideas there to keep me busy for a decade or two, and they will just get my full attention instead of fanfiction*. in this timeline, I will do what I was considering doing a few years ago, which is officially declare ifmlam otherwise abandoned and make one more giant chapter update which is a full and cleaned up outline of what I was going to write, interspersed with the scenes already written, and have ifmlam be given at least that closure.

*I want to make it clear that I very much love fanfiction and am proud to have been a fanfiction author and in my heart of hearts would keep writing it forever, I just also have a lot of ideas for characters and settings and magic systems and Aesthetics and I have been biting at the bit to write something that is //mine// and all mine and only mine for a while, I don't see original work as superior so much as there are a dozen fandoms that I am currently in and bursting to make content about except oops these fandoms currently only exist in my head, and I want to correct that

of course given how much as writing is my vent activity and I write what I'm in the mood for, there's a chance I'll feel ifmlam cravings before then, just... expect it to take a couple of years for an update, but also for there to be an update one way of another in a couple of years? but as for right now, I'm turning to original writing, because that is what brings me joy.

but I am really deeply honored that it brought you so much joy!!! and while I will never publish spoilers in a public place, if you message me off anon I am perfectly happy to give a run-down of my current plans for the ending, bc I know "wait a couple years and see" is not the most satisfactory of answers! and hey maybe you'll be like me and once you've given Opus a try you'll decide you like it better too, it does have Seers although they are deeply different Seers than in ifmlam but imo it's very gay and fun and at least politics on one side

[fictional-worlds-are-exquisite]

i am very much enjoying my vague void! it's currently blasting hozier at full volume and that's almost louder than my internal screaming (don't worry, everything is fine, i just saw a spider)

i've never once in my life have followed a recipe correctly. all of my measurements are completely random and whatever happens happens. it is no longer in my hands. whatever eldritch entities exist take the wheel. and i absolutely refuse to spell anything in english without autocorrect because y'all have way too many double letters and random vowel placement

thank you! sadly, i won't have a break right now, because we just had christmas vacations, but the start of the new semester is always pretty chill. and you're absolutely right, i should take up necromancy! the snow and the cold will add to my mysterious vibes. i just need to get a big black cape with a hood to complete the aesthetic

i definitely picture everything above 5'6 feet as the same height. 5'7 and 6'2? the exact same thing. no difference here

how is morepork a real bird name. it's just... more pork? but the bird is magnificent. i completely approve of your first order as bird queen, not that you need approval from mere peasants like me, but it's a great order. ohhh salps look really cool, and it does look a lot like it! when you said boob implant i thought of mermaids and them using salps as boob implants but then i realised wait wouldn't jellyfish be better for that? because of their shape? ignoring their little leggies they're quite boob shaped, no? and then i realised that i was thinking about mermaids and alive boob implants... if i had to think it, you have to read it. i'm sorry

i was sold before but now i'm even more sure that i want to hire you. and I'll make sure to have lactose free cheese for the backflips (unless you want the lactose version? i'm not judging). will the biting of ankles cost extra?

that sounds like a brilliant set-up for a horror movie where they kill off all the children one by one. it's absolutely horrifying. if something like that would've happened to me i would've most likely just passed out. whatever happens afterwards is not my problem. and now i really don't want to know what the hell your leg was caught on because that seems like knowledge that would get me killed

ah so you're a fellow dirt eater? according to my mom my favourite thing to do outside when i was a little kid used to be eating sand. just shovelling handfuls of it into my mouth and crying when my mom made me spit it out. which i refuse to believe. if there are no photos it didn't happen

you warm climate people are starting to make me think that i'm better adjusted to the cold than i thought i am! it's either that or our buildings are better heated. i definitely don't know if anyone else calls hot water bottled hotties but i like it so from now on i'm using it

that's so cute! i was clearly a way more selfish child because when i found any amount of money i just kept it and bought candy as soon as i could. i clearly couldn't save money then and i can't now. we have stores like that (or i'm assuming that they're like that solely based on how they sell lollies) and they used to be my favourite thing because you could get so many lollies for such a small price!! and my mom even used to let me order for myself sometimes so i always felt like a very big girl jsjshsbsjk

also the fact that i can't send pictures on anon is a crime (yes i know why and it's good that that's not possible because can you imagine anons being able to send pictures? oh no is all i have to say about it) but anyways. because i have this one super cursed photo that reminded me of you and now i can't share it :((

duuuuude, sick void bro. sounds like a vibing void. I feel like I haven’t seen a spider in awhile. Other than daddy long legs. But they’re chill. They mind their own business. 

I nearly always follow recipes exactly. My mum is like oh cook this for about 7 minutes? Yeah sure. I’ll take a wild guess. I’m like they say exactly 7 minutes so I’ll set a timer for 7 minutes and start a stopwatch so if it does seem to need more than 7 I can keep an eye on the extra time and be aware of exactly how long it takes me for next time. Other people are like oh let's see I have [lists 5-10 things in their fridge], hmm...oh I know what I could make with that! I’m like I have beans in my freezer because one recipe required them and no other recipes I know how to make do so what am I supposed to do with these now,,, this is stressful,,, basically I barely know how to cook and recipes are the only things saving me in that area. That is entirely fair. Except for the fuck duck, and murder is not the word you want surely, situations, it’s pretty helpful.

Ohhh I see. At least the start is chill! For a little! Before your entire situation spirals out of hand and you’re behind in every class and it’s taken you a whole day to read 10 pages and you’re exhausted and it’s only week 2. Just me? ok. fair. anyway. I want a cloak so bad. One of my uni friends tempted me to class because she said she was wearing a cloak so my depressed ass honest to god dragged myself out of bed and to said class just to see it. It was worth it. They’re incredible. Everyone should own a big cloak for the aesthetic.

I’m glad it isn’t just me hahaha. I can visualise my own height in feet but everything else is just the same size that is a vague amount taller than me, mentally.

It’s also known as the ruru. But the name morepork amuses me. It’s named after the call it makes haha. It does sound like it’s asking for more pork if you know to listen for that. thank u for ur approval, it means a lot, turns out becoming bird queen didn’t ACTUALLY get rid of my anxiety disorder weirdly enough so validation is great! lmaooo. What if the jellyfish stung them tho? At least salps wouldn’t do you dirty like that. The mermaids would just look like there are hundreds of bugs crawling around in their boobs, flesh shifting as they float around. Which is a vibe. If you’re into that. Jellyfish WOULD make a more solid, single, implant, some of them are definitely boob shaped. But that’s kinda boring no one’s gonna be traumatised by that. Salps on the other hand...yeah, that sight will DEFINITELY traumatise someone.

To be PERFECTLY honest I haven’t done a backflip in years but for lactose-free cheese? Dude. I’ll be going back to training. Gonna be the best backflip you’ve ever seen. As long as it’s not Tasty cheese I am content, but lactose free IS better. The biting of ankles will not cost extra, it is a pleasure to be allowed to do that.

Oh it absolutely would be. It’d be very funny if it reached the wider world bc people would probably be like ok but who would send kids into the bush like that,, it’s an odd concept. meanwhile everyone who grew up in nz is gonna be like y’all, you’re not gonna fuckin BELIEVE what i experienced growing up, it’s real dude. On one hand, I feel like murdering kids in a movie is questionable, on the other hand, It exists, so maybe people would be down for it. I feel like it’d be a good concept even if it wasn’t murdery tho. Like psychological horror? I’m not sure if I’m using that category correctly I don’t watch much horror. A kid following the rope but then being shifted into a different horror dimension but they never take the blindfold off because their teachers said not to and they’d probably have to let go of the rope to do it...I feel like this could work super well as a short film. The viewers see everything. The child just knows something is off and no one is coming when they call for help. I am so down for this. I also do not want to know what my leg was caught on. Some things I am better off not knowing.

yes! I am a fellow dirt eater! We had a sandpit at home (that’s a little bold. It was a large plastic shell that my parents filled with sand. technically a sandpit. but not fancy sdflsdkfsdf) but I don’t think I ever tried to eat it. Then again, I possibly did and just don’t remember because there’s no photo evidence of that one. I’d have to ask my parents sdfhsjdfs, I would however fully believe them if they said yes. it’s very characteristic of me. I don’t doubt it for a second. muuuum that’s my emotional support sand don’t make me spit it out smh the disrespect these days.

Oh I’m absolutely terrible even by most people’s standards around here when it comes to cold and hot temperatures. I remember sitting in the sun in my school shirt and school jersey in summer on a blazing day like it’s a bit chilly, isn’t it? Meanwhile my friends were in the shade absolutely dying from the heat. Likewise in winter I’d be shivering, teeth chattering, dying with my long sleeve thermal, my school shirt, my school jersey, my school jacket, my longs, warm socks and sneakers and gloves and school scarf while ppl would be walking around in a shirt and shorts like it’s a bit warm this winter huh? my body didn’t learn how to thermoregulate and it shows. But yeah NZ does also have a reputation for shittily insulated buildings and such. It shows. skhdfsfs if it’s not common use maybe don’t say can i have a hotty to someone without context but otherwise go ahead lmao. it’s a fun shortened version.

I was typically a very good saver, to the point where my extended family started gifting me gift cards and vouchers for Christmas and my birthday because if they just gave me money I’d put it in my bank account to save towards uni once I hit like, 12 years old. Which I think was a smart move. But apparently, I’m supposed to buy myself ‘something nice’ with it. I think I’m still an okay saver but I’m not as strict anymore. I’m aware of how much I can spare and I’m not just like you can never get anything for yourself ever, so I do get lil things for myself sometimes. oooo yay! At least you know what I mean. But yes. They were the gold mine for lollies. Absolutely terrific stores. My mum would be like hey lindsey how about you order? And I’d be like mother, I am 7 years old and I have an undiagnosed anxiety disorder everyone assumes is child shyness why would you think I would want to do that. Instead I will whisper my choices to you. After therapy tho I felt pretty rad for picking my own lollies by myself. I was like 13 at that point but sdfkjhsdf listen I got there in the end.

sdfkjsdfkjhsdf I like that a cursed photo reminded you of me. That’s all I need to hear. Tumblr said no anon dick pics but they also said no anon cursed photos either,,, very sad. for the latter part. the first part thank god. If I could turn on photos on anon I absolutely would just to see this but I don’t think I can :(

[40sandfabulousaf]

Do any of you get heat rash when it's really warm and you sweat buckets? I experience these sometimes and decided to share them rather than wait till the red splotches subside to take photos. After all, it's a normal occurrence for me sporadically, especially on mega-hot days.

If you're looking for an escape from unrealistic beauty standards, then my unglam, unretouched photos are hopefully a breath of fresh air from the perfectly filtered ones that many social media accounts offer. I'm your average everyday woman and, like some of you, don't have the time - and, also, can't be arsed - to spend obsessing over creating an image of smooth-skinned perfection.

I get that many influencers feel compelled to do this; it's their livelihood after all and I respect all the time and effort they spend creating magical content. However, just because they do so and I follow them or check out their grids from time to time doesn't necessarily mean I'll do the same. Joining in the fun from time to time and wearing similar stuff to show support is enough for me.

We're all unique and have differing priorities, as well as time constraints. When there're precious extra minutes to spare, I always have more fun engaged in exercise-related pursuits than anything to do with... I dunno, nails for example. And when things get rough, I can give up many things except being active.

2020 has seen a surge in people participating in various types of fitness. It's delightful to see the smiles on their faces as they grasp the concept that exercise does not have to be - and is absolutely not - punishment, when they're doing what they like instead of what hardcore gym rats and gym bunnies are doing.

I don't share much about my routine here simply because it's my belief that everyone has their own way of gaining strength and stamina. Nobody needs to do what I do to derive similar benefits from exercise. However, I do like the thought of you getting to know what I personally find inspiring.

This hasn't changed since childhood. From youth, kungfu movies and TV series were staples. I developed a fascination for Shaolin martial arts. Centuries ago, gyms were unheard of. Did you know that daily chores can help us get strong? You're about to find out.

Let's see the arrogant swole bros do half the things these monks do 😜 My point is, some people can choose to be jerks to others who don't do heavy-lifting, but just wait till these very same folks are challenged to do something outside of their comfort zone. Hopefully they enjoy their serving of humble pie.

Okay the Shaolin monks are men. You wanna see women, right? Imma go with the Chinese because nobody does Shaolin like our kind #notsorry

Aesthetic perfection is never the goal in these videos - only total dedication to their passion and it's what I look for in the curvy babes I share (although they do look bloody hot at the same time).

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A post shared by ALLIE 🌸 Just Do You, Babe! (@allisonkimmey) on Feb 21, 2020 at 6:57am PST

When you like the form of exercise you choose, you'll naturally want to keep at it. Like the Shaolin dudes and dudettes, my focus isn't on how cute an outfit is, hence the often mismatched pieces in my photos. I get most of my stuff from the sale section at... anywhere 😆

However, I understand that trendy fitness apparel in breathable and supportive quality fabrics is a good motivator for many to get active, especially in this social media era. So go for it! Brands are expanding their ranges to accommodate more sizes, which is great news for anyone who wants to feel cute whilst working out.

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A post shared by STEPHANIE (@bellabombshel) on Feb 20, 2020 at 6:52pm PST

When it comes to fitness, being consistent is key. The secret to that is finding that/those activity/activities that are so fun, you don't think twice about prioritising it/them in your life. Stephanie perfectly illustrates this with her phenomenal dance routines. I respect her dedication, as well as the finesse in her movements.

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A post shared by Abra | Nutrition + Wellness (@abrapappa) on Feb 12, 2020 at 10:22am PST

For those who're mentally prepared to give exercise a go, Abra gives some helpful tips for beginners and the mindset change that helped her along the way. This post is educational because, too often, trainers forget what it was like when they started at the very beginning.

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A post shared by Becca Marie (@enjoyfoodnaked) on Jan 24, 2020 at 1:33pm PST

Not at all horribly formed, just a modified yoga pose. Becca may be self-deprecating here and humility is definitely an underrated virtue. My hope is for anyone out there to realise that to many of us who don't practise yoga, what is a modified pose to you looks bloody fantastic to us.

I'll tell you what I see here: bloody awesome arm strength. Bloody awesome balance. Bloody awesome coordination. Okay? Okay 👌

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A post shared by Whitney Way Thore⚡️ (@whitneywaythore) on Feb 8, 2020 at 4:15pm PST

More dance because...

Me likey likey! 😃

And remember this: there will be people who try to put you down. I've had to block 1 or 2 jerks in the beginning who asked to see my arm strength and insisted even though I told them I have a permanent spine injury from an auto accident! Those were swole bros, by the way. Hopefully they get their asses kicked by a Shaolin monk 😝😝😝😝😝😝😝

What I hope you take away from this post is, we can all be champions at our chosen exercises. The Olympics isn't just about heavy lifting, you know? Once we find what it is our bodies are capable of doing and we love it, we WILL derive the benefits from being active. So let these curvy babes be your inspiration. They are absofabulous!

Till the next post, stay sweet!