#i can't think of another mod that would fuck with that specifically

[fooltofancy]

okay she's finished i'm not allowed to touch her any more.

[fuzzythoughtsblog]

I love camping soo much. That is to say I have this fantasy; I want to go camping with bunch of classmates I don't know (in this scenario I go to a all girls school) for some kind of school trip. As it is in the middle of the woods I have no cell reception. So I spend my time getting to know the girls staying with me in my cabian Brooke, Quinn, Rowan and Simone.

Brooke is a very athletic and excels at running hiking and swimming. Quinn is your standard environmentalist she knows every plant and what they could do. Rowan is more of a discord mod kind of girl not the type you'd expect to be out here. Apparently the school forced her to go on the trip to make up her pe credit she ignored. And then theirs is Simone another forced to be here camper. Since some of the activities we do out here count as volunteer work something Simone needs to stay in school to make up her multiple suspension. Your typical rough around the edges type.

While I tried to keep the cabin cordial the infighting happened by the second day. As Brooke thought that Simone was too full of herself and Quinn couldn't stand Rowan's complaining. To lighten the mood I suggested a friendly water balloon fight. Something Rowan claimed to be cracked at. We split up into to teams and although it was an odd number Simone and Brooke agreed that their is no way Rowan was good at this so apparently she counted as a 5th of a "solider".

Eventually the teams were decided. Me, Rowan and Simone vs Brooke and Quinn loser makes dinner. Before we began Simone announced something." I think the one who suggested this should have to wear a white T-shirt. "While I was confused at the request the other girls surprisingly agreed. Even Quinn looked away and said it was only fair. So, I went to change. When I got back the games began. And I quickly realized that Simone and Rowan's strategy was to use me as a human shield. Continuing to flank behind me when the other team threw their balloons. In fact it seemed like the other team was aiming specifically at me. By the time our game was done I was soaked down to my panties and the most embarrassing part is you could see everything through the translucent wet shirt.

As I was the most wet my team was declared the losers despite my teammates being only surprisingly damp. Although my team lost Simone and Rowan didn't make a uproar about the declaration. Instead the simple went to begin cooking. I started to change out of my wet clothes until Brooke stopped me "I think it's only fair that the losers have to stay in their wet clothes. " I try to convince her against this stating that the shirt was basically see through at this point and it's getting cold but Brooke wouldn't budge. I looked at Quinn to ask for some relief but she simple said "Y'know it's better for the environment to change less." Though after saying that she looked at me sympathetically. "Maybe, it would be fair to allow her to not wear the shirt so she doesn't freeze. " at this statement Brooke nods in agreement.

I argue that, that isn't fair but Brooke states that "I walk around in my sports bra all the time, so it's fine. " With a huff I decided to take the little leeway and peel the shirt off of me. Then Me, Rowan and Simone make quesadillas. By the time were done everyone quickly eats before heading off to bed. As I'm also tired I do the same and change into my pj's before laying down.

I only get a few minutes of sleep before I wake up hot and tingly everywhere. I look around and then see Simone creeping towards me. I sit up froze until she sits on my bed. She whispers "Sorry to wake you, I was just thinking about how I can't stand the good girl act. " hand creeping up my already sensitive body over the covers. I let out a soft whimper as a response. "Fuck, I knew it. Good girl's like you are so good for one thing. " she says while climbing on top of me and wrapping her callus hands around my throat. "Cumming your stupid little brains out. " she whispers while inching closer and closer before the lights flicker on and Brooke is standing above us. "You delinquent bitch, you knew I wanted her. " At that statement I look up at her with confusion until Quinn pipes up " Both of you need to back off... " at this statement I let out a sigh of relief "I have already claimed her, after all I put arthroscopics in her food. So her wet cunt should belong to me. "

At this point Im staring up at all three of them mouth agaped. Before Rowan chimes in "Why don't we solve this the gamer way? " the three turn to her confused "Why don't we all get to have her in an all-nighter battle royal, whoever taps out lasts wins her for the rest of camp? " she says while practical drooling. For a moment all of the girls pause before nodding. Simone - "You guys are fucked, you know how often I dick bitches like this down on a daily basis." Brooke - "Big talk you know it's all about stamina." Quinn- "Both of you are going to lose. I have more technique. " Rowan- "Pog".

As they all start to put their hands on me, I ask if I get a say in the matter to which they laugh. Brooke and Simone take turns using my neck as a chew toy and while Rowan sits above my head. "Have you sucked pussy?" Rowan ask with a smirk I answer no before she places her cunt to my lips "learn". I hesitate which makes Simone slap me " She said learn bitch! " I begin to lick as Brooke chids her "No need to be so rough. " "Look bitches like these like it rough, they like to be broken in. " "I disagree. " "Then why ya biting so hard? " Simone say gesturing to the bite mark she left.

"I... " "oh does the jock bitch not know how to hold back? This is gonna be fun! " "She's just so pretty! " "And a virgin it seems like. " Quinn pipes in again while pressing a finger inside of me "So tight. " she says watching her fingers sink in. Rowan - "Lol (yes said like lol and not L. O. L) how have you never had you cunt used? " Simone - "How are you not a virgin too? " "Hey, kittens love what I do to their bodies." At this statement Simone gets up and walks off . "Peppo champ , more for us! " Rowan says while grinding into my face harder. "I'm not done! "She yells while walking back " I just wanted to get my strap. " Brooke -"You just carry that thing with you? " "You never know when you'll need it. " "Dude that's way too big. It'll break her. " Quinn - "No it should be fine with all the aphrodisiacs I gave her she should be nice and loose. "

Simone- "Well if you won't fuck her with it more for me. " she says while strapping in. "Fuck kitten, you panicking on my cunt feels so good. " As I shake my head no I feel as Quinn holds me open for her. "Get ready whore! " Simone says as she sinks in little by little. While Quinn slaps my clit everytime I try and struggle away. Which hurts with a extra sting. Brooke- "Rowan let me get a turn. " "Fuck no her mouth is pogchamp go mog about it or suck her tit I'm not getting off. " Brooke seemingly takes the suggestion as I feel her warm mouth wrap around my nipple.

I begin I move a little as it's all so much. "Yeah that's right fuck back into me slut " Simone says as she slaps my ass and grinds the strap into me. As I start to feel on the edge with all the sensations from Brooke playing with my tits, Rowan riding my face like it's the best ride on the planet and Simone fucking me slow and deep. Then I feel as Quinn wraps her mouth around my clit and I'm sent tumbling over the edge along with Rowan and Simone.

"Fuck that mouth is better than cod. " Quinn - "Let me get a turn. " they then switch spots. Simone begins to pull out before unstraping "She's all yours Brooke. " Simone says before taking Brooke's spot . Rowan adds on "Yeah, sloppy seconds. " when Brooke is finally strapped in she goes straight for sinking into my warmth. She seems to hold back from a second before Quinn wraps her legs around Brooke's hips "Let go! " Brooke does immediately as she just begins to slam into me as hard and fast as she can whispering about how good it is while I scream into Quinn and as the others encourage her. Rowan even begins to nibble on my clit as Simone pinches nipples. Sending me over the edge again as Brooke just keeps pounding into my oversimulated and abused cunt.

Brooke - "Can't we all just shared her. " all of them silently agree. As they all use my body all night long taking turns fucking my mouth and cunt and useing my body like a toy. As I begin to pass out I think about how things are going to change around camp.

[can-i-see-your-passport-please]

ASKING YOU ABOUT YOUR STANLEY PARABLE/HLVRAI CROSSOVER. ELABORATE PLEASE??

more under the cut :3

So the basic concept goeth thusly:

Post HLVRAI canon, Gordon ends up in the Parable somehow. Stanley immediately mentally adopts him, while the Narrator is like "Oh we can ABSOLUTELY NOT have GORDON FREEMAN here" (nod to tsp originally being a hl2 mod!) and basically tries to boot Gordon out the Parable. He resets, and now Benrey is here.

So already not fun for the Narrator (though much fun for stanley, who loves seeing the narrator distressed because stanley is a bastard). Wrangling Stanley is already a nightmare, and now he has two other guys, one of which is an alien who can just noclip, which is very frustrating.

However, there's another twist to this: the role of narrator keeps being shuffled around. Sometimes, the Narrator is not the narrator, it's instead Gordon. Sometimes it's Benrey. Sometimes Stanley. Sometimes there's one player and the other three are narrators, and sometimes two of them are narrators and the other two are players.

So basically: we have Gordon (argumentative as shit), Benrey (benrey), Stanley (very glad to be talking to someone aside from the british man), and the Narrator (his phucking story)

I'll explain the symbolism I put in their narrator designs. So:

The Narrator is Stanley's shadow. That shadow can stretch and grow, but at the end of the day, he's tied to Stanley. He literally cannot do anything without him- when Stanley stops moving (eg: not stanley ending), the Narrator can do nothing.

Stanley's narrator form is inspired by one of my favorite interpretations of Stanley- one where he didn't really use ASL or writing or anything, but instead communicated through drawings. So while Stanley has no visible form, he's present through little drawings.

Gordon's design is far simpler in my mind- his arc in this is realizing he's not fully human either, he's an AI who was completely shaped by the player. So when he's the narrator, his visible form is confined to screens. This also ties into a lot of themes of control.

Benrey's entire body shifts colors in accordance with his emotions, specifically Sweet Voice colors. The exception is the spot of pink on his chest, the hearts on his face, and his eyes. His chest glows pink always, as do the hearts on his face (showing that even though he is a fucking nightmare, at his core is love. Benrey loves, and he wants to be loved). His eyes don't shift color with his body, but they change with his emotions as well- blue when he's calmer/happier, yellow when he's stressed out. This is true even when he's not in Narrator form.

Benrey's narrator form is a very intentional parallel to the Narrator's. The Narrator is a shadow, and Benrey's literally glowing bright light. The Narrator's mouth can be seen, Benrey's can't. The Narrator is literally tied to Stanley, but Benrey's not tied to anyone. (To make the symbolism there blatant: the Narrator really wants to have control, which paradoxically leads him to have less control. Meanwhile Benrey doesn't care how much control he has, which paradoxically leads him to having more.)

Additionally: while everyone can be pulled out of their narrator forms into their normal forms, they can't do it on their own, it has to be their (for lack of a better term) game partner. Gordon is the only one who can get Benrey into his normal form. Stanley is the only one who can get the Narrator into his normal form. Vice versa.

So: that's the general stuff, and the Narrator designs. I have written down in Discord what I think their arcs would be, and how they all parallel each other. Gordon-Narrator and Stanley-Benrey are the biggest parallels, but Stanley and Gordon parallel each other as well (same with Benrey and the Narrator). I'll explain if asked and welcome ideas :3 But first I'm gonna pass the fuck out it's 18 FUCKING DEGREES FARENHEIT WHEN DID IT GET SO COLD

Anyway. Take this exchange I wrote when I first came up with the idea of this AU that's basically a script of how I thought I would write this (I didn't have it be post-canon beforehand, and I really should've had Gordon actually talk more, but I got enraptured by writing the Narrator he was so fun to write but also so anxiety inducing but also I am cringe yet I am free)

[radioinactivity]

Been thinking about Fallout 4 again and I've always wondered what is the minimum number of changes you could make to the plot so it would at least be cohesive and I think I've got it:

The Institute are isolationists pursuing immortality.

Add a little backstory that they tried to share their technology with the rest of the Commonwealth like 75 years after the bombs dropped and the Wastelanders tried to kill them to take all of it. So they decided to lock themselves in CIT to keep doing mad science, intent on outliving the "savages" on the outside.

The current generation of Synths are replacing people in order to keep the Commonwealth politically unstable so they can't unify and potentially raid CIT again. Importantly: the Institute cannot be influenced to stop this strategy. You can convince some members of the Board but not the guy in charge of defense, he will always insist that their survival hinges on the Commonwealth staying uniquely chaotic.

Synths themselves are the result of their pursuing immortality via test bodies but they're imperfect (ie failures)- rad resistant, disease resistant, age slowly but they're sterile (kinda like a fun parallel to super mutants in FO1 wow imagine that). So the Institute uses them as a slave class and as infiltrators so they don't go to waste.

The Railroad are all synths using old world spy shit they've learned and stumbled on (ie the DIA facility under the Slocum's Joe) to try and liberate the other Synths in the Institute. This is why they're kind of bad at the Spy Shit until the Sole Survivor shows up. That's it. That's the only change.

Tbh the Brotherhood is Fine. Maybe bring back the cut ending where you can ice Maxson and put Danse in charge. The Minutemen are also Fine but I think taking back Quincy and making it a settlement should have been part of the plot. Preston deserved that closure it's weird he didn't get it.

And finally: The Sole Survivor is another synth let loose on the Wasteland who just THINKS they're a prewar parent looking for their baby. This is the ideal justification for the player to either faithfully pursue their lost kid OR fuck around and build shacks OR be a force of Chaos upon the Commonwealth. Either the programming worked really well or it didn't.

None of this fundamentally changes the structure of Fallout 4, and really you can't do much about some of the stupider shit, but at least this gives the Evil Faction some tangible ideology that make sense. And I think if the Institute has understandable motivations, everything else clicks into place a little more neatly. Sidenote: this whole silly thought experiment is based off the notion of like. Only using what Fallout 4 already gives us. Think of it as the design document for a Main Story mod where the goal is to make as few changes to the base game as possible to make everything cohere.

Anyways Fallout 4's missed potential was created in a lab to drive me specifically insane

[anjelicawrites]

Cringefail Throuple 💡

Professor Michael Gavey is the biggest mystery at Oxford. Nevermind the rumors of ghosts or secret societies. Everyone, regardless of what they’re reading, wants to know what the fuck is going on with him.

It all started when two of his students saw him walking towards a car that a beautiful woman was just getting out of. The students thought they were about to see him getting rejected HARD, but then as he and the woman meet at the boot of the car, they kiss! Very passionately and sloppily!

One of the students whips out his phone and takes a picture on instinct, later posting it on the Oxford subreddit with the comment “this has to be a hooker, right?” Why else would a woman like that kiss a guy as brusque, rude, and just plain weird as Professor Gavey?

But then, only two days later, another student posts pictures they took that zoom in on the matching rings the professor and the woman wear. They’re fucking married! The subreddit goes wild.

The true conspiracies don’t start until some students see the woman (“Mrs. Gavey, I guess?”) at their favourite local pub, brazenly flirting with the owner as he tends bar. They sneak a photo and post it on the subreddit, and all of a sudden all of Oxford is up in arms that their least favourite maths professor’s wife is cheating on him.

Until later that week, another student posts a photo of both Mrs. Gavey and the professor BOTH flirting with the pub owner, who seems to reciprocate!

The mods of the Oxford subreddit make a new subreddit specifically for the Professor Gavey conspiracies after that.

The theories range from the denials (“there’s no way Gavey got not one, but TWO people to like him!”) to the correct (“it’s def a throuple”) to the actually insane (“Gavey is a pimp in his spare time and he’s just checking out his hos”).

Michael, Reader, and Billy are well aware of this, and enjoy looking through the subreddit when they’ve had a few pints. Billy even has a burner account where he posts his own, obviously incorrect, theories. He’s now known as the “secret agent truther” among the small but passionate community.

Reader doesn’t really care at all. She thinks it’s kinda funny, actually.

Michael was a bit pissed at first, but then he realized that the intrigue was leading to more students taking his classes, and after that, some even switched their course to maths. Now he’s all for encouraging it. After all, the more students take his class, the more bonuses he gets, and the more he can spoils his cringefail lovers.

Local cryptid math professor Michael Gavey, who is the strictest, the biggest asshole in the whole university, who dresses like a loser grandpa, who revels in failing his students and making them feel stupid. And no one knows a single thing about him. The Oxford subreddit is full of his students, and ex students, whining and bitching about him; the stolen photo is a bomb, it becomes the hive of the conversation. The barrage of new pics are all people are talking about, and that's when you three get a whiff of what is going on.

You can't stop laughing: they all hate Michael, yet they're inflamed because of your supposed 'cheating' with Billy. Michael is not as happy, they call you all variations of "slut" under the sun and who takes pictures of strangers kissing?

"You know we can drive them even madder, by feeding them false information? Muddle the waters, so to say" Billy says after the photo of you three flirting makes its way into the subreddit.

You can see the mischievous spark in Michael's eyes.

"They're going to make fools of themselves. That's what they deserve for snooping and insulting you." He says menacingly.

And so it starts, the barrage of false, bordering to absurd, opinions, flood the 'Michael Gavey conspiracies' subreddit, raging from "Maybe they're just friends" to "The guy from the pub is their bull", to "No, the professor is the bull." to "Gavey is in a secret society, those two are just members!" to "They're in for the sex. Why do you think Professor Gavey dresses that way? He's hiding his monster dong in there!". Some people believe in the "Throuple theory", others are hell bent in proving that the kiss in the first photo never happened, it was just the terrible angle; they are not kissing, it's fake news!!! Others are all in for the "Professor Gavey is the head of a sex cult", whilst a small fractions wonders why he's always such in a terrible mood, with two hot people by his side, perhaps the sex is awful?

Some of those theories are carried on by Billy's various burner accounts; he randomly logs in and trolls the subreddit, while you three are relaxing for the night, telly on and feet on the coffee table. He plops himself next to you and Michael, wondering which account he should use for the night ("I haven't logged in the 'Gavey is a pimp' one in a while, but the fake news redditors are rabid tonight!").

You find the whole situation hilarious and ask Billy updates on the guy who calls you a 'slut', but is hell bent in using the more obscure and ancient slang he can find, "Jezabel" is a great classic, but "Cockatrice", "Wish-wife" and "Mignote" are in your personal top 10. You three are still debating about "Half-virgin", does it mean the person uses one of their holes and the others are still untouched?

Michael, who's discovered the joys of trolling people, drops extremely vague hints during his lectures and checks the subreddit to see how the people there react; he's even managed to recognize a couple of his current students and a batch of people from the previous years (one is a PhD candidate and Michael is working him like a donkey for the unflattering comments he left).

Ever since the first photo dropped, there had been a spike of enrollment in his courses, which gives him the chance to terrorize and scar for life a bigger chunk of rich assholes who got admitted thanks to their family's wealth. The fact that he gets bonuses is the cherry on top, you two need all the pampering he can provide!

Cringefail throuple taglist: @fan-goddess

[superbpudding]

Yet another image+text post and today's text post i wanna finish with Year of Chen videos by discussing the last video (YIIK 2022 05 29 17 41 39 Old Secret). Unlike the Blue Fog bug this video starts with being already in somewhat bugged or not usual game's state and Alex being in this closed circle under Frankton.

In game currently there's no known legit way to get in here, the way i used is using ladder to walk over map collider's but in the video there's no ladder in view, so i would assume that author of the video either found some uknown yet way to get there or got it in non legit way(such as Unity Explorer mod that can let you do a lot of stuff with the game). As you can see in both my screenshot and the YT video from this spot you can get acess to "Frankton Maple Street" enterance to Frankon and upon interacting with it the video's author goes to FUCKING OLD FRANKTON.

SO IS THAT IT?DID THE YEAR OF CHEN FIND OUT HOW TO GET THE ENDING 3 ALREADY 2 YEARS AGO AND SOMEHOW NO ONE NOTICED IT???? Well.....not quite. I checked this myself and yes you will get to old frankton and can do ending 3 from there and will spawn in the same exact spot as in the video, so what's the issue? The issue is that you can't enter it, you will get the popup suggesting to interact however no matter how many times you use interact button it won't work. Personally i had to use the previously mentioned Unity Explorer mod to enable this area, so again either the author of this video did the same or there's some secret way to enable it. Btw, the whole "you will get the popup but you can't interact with it" probably sounds familiar to you if you ever went out of bounds in yiik and tried to interact with The Tower in current version counting that in 1.25 it was added that you can't get in the tower without having specific variable in your save file, so first of all i tried to interact with Frankton Maple Street while having all the required variables for the tower aaand no they don't work. Then i thought about how the requirements to enter the Tower were added only in 1.25, so maybe just like with Tower you could enter it in pre 1.25 version? So, i downloaded pre 1.25 version of yiik aaaaaand nope, you still can't enter it. Tho for me the strangest part of this was that it was even there at all counting how it leads to the Old Frankton, which was added in game's files at all only in 1.25. So i yet again tried to turn it on manually to see where it leads in this version aaaaand.....infinite loading screen. So the only implication i see from this fact is that the Old Frankton was already planned to be in game and wasn't made yet, while the code to have one specific hidden Frankton entrance to lead to it was already there. Lastly i want to mention this video's description:"I figured this out. There is another way in. It is not of use. The secret entrance may have been useful at one point. It is not accessible. It does not work as intended. But it is there. I think it will work once it is discovered organically. There was once a set of stairs where I began. I believe they are still there. I'll keep looking." Imo the most interesting part of this is the "There was once a set of stairs where i began.I believe they are still there." since it's very strange and cryptics and i have no idea what is it talking about, also since this is the last video so the "i'll keep looking" part probably didn't work out. The only "set of stairs" that are mysterious in yiik that i can think of are stairs from Essentia's mind dungeon to Alex's mind dungeon, that are mentioned in the dialogue but appear only in unused version of Essentia's MD.

[olderthannetfic]

One time I was on a discord server, I was in my early 20s (I'm still in my 20s tbf), server for the collecting of a certain item type. Some random drama happened with a user claiming to be abused at home, we tried to help. Girl got kicked because people got too sus about it.

Anyway, because I had been involved speaking to her, one of the mods contacted me in the DMs. Told me about the situation, and I was kinda shocked, so I asked a few extra questions. Call them Mod15

Well another mod then contacted me, and told me that Mod15 was talking shit about me, for asking the questions about the situation, and that Mod15 IS 15!!! I had no idea. That mod was really mad at Mod15 because 1) she didn't like that a mod was just 15 years old. 2) the mod had basically bought themselves into the role by buying the server nitro. 3) the admin didn't do anything/incredibly passive. Let's call that mod: ModP

I showed ModP the conversation with Mod15, and showed her that my talk with him was pretty basic bitch. But man did I fucking feel disgusted by this. I never contacted Mod15, he contacted ME. I deleted my entire talk with him. It was basically just "What happened? Is everyone ok? Do you know if she's ok." that stuff.

Side info: When I joined I also asked if they'd have a NSFW channel, just "because" it kinda was the norm to have one if the hobby had a lot of adults, even if it wouldn't contain anything sexually explicit. So it was made, but there was very little happening all things considered.

Well skip forward a few weeks. We had a vent channel, and Idk how it started. (I still have the screenshots from start to finish somewhere on another discord with a friend, but I'd need to look for them.)

But for some reason we started talking about how minors, who're minors entering the 18+ channel should be kicked from the server. The admin only made the NSFW channel "click to confirm" instead of role based, which is something that was discussed later between him and the mods I was told my ModP later. (Or another Mod I got to know.)

And guess whoms't but Mod15 would freak the fuck out and start an entire thing about it. He said we couldn't demand this blah blah. One argument he had was shit like "Well we see things like these on twitter, so why care if we see it here." and like, because this is a closed space. A lot of that kinda logic, that it wasn't a problem finding 18+ content anywhere on the web, and we shouldn't bitch about it.

Hell even some other minor and a lot of adults said that this was not a good point to make, and that these warnings and channels aren't made to "just keep minors safe", but to keep adults safe as well. And that adults have a right to want spaces where minors can't and won't enter. Anyway, this went on for far too long. I mean I think this thing went on for a few hours. Mod15 also freaked out when someone suggested making it role only.

Mod15 admitted to having entered the NSFW channel, which wasn't the great point he was trying to make, and one of the other adults admitted to having shared some bodypillow designs with Mod15. Which also wasn't a particular flex you'd make tbh.

ModP contacted me in that time, and another Mod, ModT, and they were actually annoyed that the Admin refused to do anything, and still wanted to keep Mod15. They had apparently also tried to make some specific roles before, but Admin just didn't wanna do it. You know, roles that give you identifiers such as "minor, male, female, adult" or pronouns etc.

They asked me if I could talk to Admin, and I did try, but Admin was so fucking passive, he said "Well, the problem was that you had asked about the NSFW channel." Not the fact that a minor decided that this was a free invitation to enter, or that the minor decided he had the random right to contact me about something, and then bitch about me to the other mods. That's when I decided I couldn't deal with this and left, if he couldn't even see how annoying it had gotten. At that point the collection discord had also grown considerably in size, because it got the "official (collectors) server" on reddit as well, and I didn't wanna stick around for the shitshow.

Extra info: The server did have an "introduction" channel, but it didn't have roles to give identifiers. And as probably anyone on a slightly bigger server would know, you start muting a lot of channels quickly. Admin tried to blame me for not checking the channel, in his DMs to me, when at that time there were constantly people joining and I had like half the channels muted to begin with.

--

15-year-olds make terrible mods.

[pepperstrawberry]

Pepper Rant

I'm sorry. I hate being negative. I... I'm having a hard time right now. Its been building all week. (I tried to figure out how to put a 'cut/readmore', but it seems a lot has changed with formatting since I last created a full post of my own that required more then a few quick images and text)

I know I don't post much on here, or at least no where near my old consistancy... but I am pretty happy I still see some familiar names float across my dash.

Though, right now, it feels like... like I'm lost. Trying to figure out someone to commiserate with, but I kinda don't want to burden folks and I can't remember which of the discords I'm on have spots for political rambles.

Most of my biggest fears are probably going to be very obvious.

November 8 2016, I remember being in a discord chat at the time. All the mods were off for one reason or another. Some folks were freaking out. Some weren't. This was an LGBT focused discord, so the fact that some folks were thinking things would be fine was a bit concerning. I had to use my minis to drown folks out, reminding folks that the discord in question had a specific space for that sort of topic and the main channel we were in need to be a space for just breathing. It was... a rough night for everyone I think.

Over the course of the next year plus, I would often say things like 'this feels like the sort of thing you see in history books around mid 20s - early 30s of Gernany. I wasn't sure how much I was speaking in hyperbole and how much was 1000% serious, but I do know I was leaning toward the later.

Now... here we are, on the cusp of another election, the same bastard moving for power. And I honestly feel more then ever I was at least close to the reality. It wasn't 1 to 1, mind. but it was... familiar enough.

With already some extremely disturbing actions by the SCOTUS and the like mouths before the vote is upon us gives me some chilling fears.

The unparalleled power the position of President now has is... not something to take lightly. And this time, its not a bumbling idiot that is going to be lost at how the job even works.

mind you, he is still a fool. He is still the same self centered piece of garbage. But this time, he has a team behind him already setting a lot of very very disturbing things in motion.

The 'Immunity' decision has basically cemented a path to getting everything they want. Not a little, but a lot.

I don't have the mental strength or energy. All I can feel is a tingling fear in my nerves that is slowly building. A reality I want to wake up from.

And the worst of it is: even if the Biden wins, that is *at best* a holding pattern. That guy isn't much better. Maybe he turned around several things Trump did, but it hasn't really felt like we have moved forward to anything better.

Unless something is *somehow* done about the Immunity decision, among others, then we are just going to be facing this nightmare again in the next election.

Honestly, I am not liking how next year is looking in either case. I would move out of country, but I don't even know which place would be best to run to, nor am I in nearly as 'stable' financially as I was even just a year ago.

I'm sorry, I used to keep my politic stuff on a separate tumblr... but honestly, fuck that. Things are just too fucked. I don't know how to keep my thoughts separate anymore.

I know for many across the world, what I fear is already their reality. It makes this whole mess feel even worse. I know there is good in this world. Good people and good places... but I feel like everyone I know is so spread out. Even my closest friends (aside from a couple of family members and my girlfriend) are miles away at the least and states or even countries away at most. So even if I were to find a place to run to, its going to be... difficult.

No this isn't a plea for cash or anything. At least not yet. Just right now, I need to get it out of my system on some level. Even if it ends up as 'not as bad as I fear', the fact is, it is still going to be horrible for many of us. I thought that at least the Senate and SCOTUS would at least provide a *little* barrier to the plans of that bastard and his allies. But that barrier no longer exists. I don't know what is going to stand against him doing most of not all they are planning.

Tonight, as I right this, there are still fireworks popping off. A night that was supposed to celebrate independence from a King...

I fear next year, they will be celebrating a new king... and they may not even be simulated.

[marcusrobertobaq]

I wonder what Kamski thought when Connor refuses to shoot Chloe. He calls Connor a deviant cuz the test was positive for empathy as he refused an order he gave, but at the same time he also seems to kinda know about things and calling Connor a deviant just to provoke a reaction. Connor's reaction is a pretty clear signal there's some brainwashing shit going on, this fear of being deviant.

I wonder what mf would do next with this info in mind.

He could conclude CyberLife indeed improved the autonomy capability in the RK 8° gen and how being programmed to make choices alone (at least for the most of the time) can speed up the hyper intelligent androids development process.

What he always wanted was to test was the android capability of feeling empathy for another one but til when this "longer leash" could impact in the emocional capacity interference in decision making? After all this emotional capacity is the reason androids often break free and throw every "how an android should act" rule in the garbage can. But what if they ain't got nothing to break free from? The simply reason Connor didn't deviate in that moment was cuz there were no orders related to anything besides questioning Kamski and the only person that could've ordered him left him... Alone to decide again. The difference between the "must" and the "should".

People usually expect dumb robots, silly tin cans, docile and obedient computers with no sense of self, only following a path set. I don't think this is what Kamski wanted, quite the opposite. The emotional capacity also helps but can also get out of control and have negative impacts, making an android become a savage animal with no sorta thing as "rationality" but urge in feel pleasure, in release everything they got accumulated inside - even if for 10 secs. A weak point that can be exploited and be the cause of defeat.

But what if the idea is the perfect balance between emotions, the sense of self and autonomy? All this smells like the cliche plot searching for the superior beings, the evolution, the next generation. It's often tied to the bio, enhancing humans, making super humans and shit. But what if mf is so fucking tired and already gave up the human race and thinks another "species" deserve the right to evolve and take humans place?

Must be fun realizing these superior beings, due to being based on humans, can replicate the same negative human traits mf been running from. Well, it's part of the testing process. Quite the scientific and social experiment, man. Then we got the $ part - androids are products, after all. Everybody wanna buy one to the job for 'em, right?

I can't help but think the way androids were spread so fast everywhere was all part of this "test" and also a plan to really replace humans. Make people realize androids are just better. I know there's the "why try X with a human if you can have an android to do it for you so you can spend your time doing what you really want?" propaganda but I think this propaganda is also something that helps in spreading the word, although not 100% just a lie. Make everybody so dependent on androids u just can't live without 'em or just remove 'em without having long term consequences. Kinda like a ... Addiction? It's the way they came to stay.

Part 1 concluded. Now what happens when these same androids start prioritizing themselves and their own kind leaving everybody in panic cuz they got so used to androids in a specific way mfs got too comfortable/with 'em guard low? 😂

Imagine people discovering the android detective can disobey laws to cover a megacorporation back, the famous painter's android being part of a project about autonomous androids - androids that can do whatever the fuck they want alone as long as they don't break a direct order set by a handler - not by mod, not by underground reprogram but by default, internationally. Cyber-motherfucking-Life, not a surprise but it would def scare mfs with low guard, mfs that thought something like this would never happen. And the idea of androids becoming 100% autonomous, not depending on humans for anything - mfs that believed AIs could never reach a consciousness status even if hyper-complex cuz they still defend someone's interests and priorities. But what happens when this someone's interest is exactly the androids doing everything by themselves, alone, cuz they just wanted and even better if goes against humans, the so called masters, interests?

Kamski is smiling and laughing if everything goes according to plan, bro. But I doubt things can ever go 100% according to the plan. As u see Kamski and CyberLife megacorp board got 'em diversions, it's a capitalist world. A part can even want the same thing but it can be for different purposes - purposes that diverge again, not to mention the method, the way X thing is achieved. Engineering a revolution, creating a new intelligent species ain't a small shit, it's some big shit for a trillionaire mehacorp like CyberLife and at the same time it's something negative in the public eye due to "androids being tools", something that can fuck with 'em credibility, reputation, image.

They knew it could happen eventually and had no way to actually not ever let it happen so they've prepared for it - in a way. If it ever happens we gotta have control over it, conditions they can set. But Kamski? I feel like he wants the opposite, he wants the androids free from CyberLife's hands cuz, let's be honest: android emotional capacity is a way of making money, deviancy is a way of making money. It's also a way of leaving more marks in history to stand up and say "we're the ones dealing with this shit now" imo. Dude wanna see chaos, wanna see androids actually raising against 'em masters not bowing down to 'em. If they manage to solve everything with minimal losses for each side it still proves androids are just better.

Honestly, I see the whole empathy thing in a quite fucked up way. Empathy to me is a mechanism, a behavior shared by social species. This mechanism can make a group united - make it become a group in the first place. Add mutual goals to it and we got shit going. If androids are capable of empathy towards other androids, they can not only prioritize androids over a human's order but also want to help the other android. This sentiment when shared can lead to a group being formed in the future, a group formed under similar thoughts, feelings and emotions. Maybe that's why Kamski wanted to test androids empathy capability? Besides the whole "there's no reason for androids have anything for other androids or even prioritize 'em out of personal choice cuz they're just brainless machines" shit, ofc. Maybe not only the empathy capability but any positive emotional response from android to android, anything that could make 'em want to disobey exactly cuz there's no reason to.

But what happens when androids can disobey...by default? Have positive feelings towards androids without breaking any expectation? And the worst: it being weaponized? Used in $omeone'$ be$t interest$? When even becoming free is simply part of the plan? A fucking test?

Geez, it already became a ramble. I'm outta here.

[just-antithings]

so i joined an innocuous fic fest in my fandom that specifically said in the rules that incest and underage were okay, but needed to be tagged (along with a slew of other things like abuse, eating disorders, the usual.) about a day or two after i joined (for additional context, my username is a portmanteau of an incest ship name and another random word i thought would be funny. not exactly but think along the lines of "incestimate" or something. i'm not well-known but i write a lot of fic for the incest ship and have dabbled in underage if you look on my ao3), the rules were CHANGED to "no underage or incest allowed... also high school AUs must be pg-13 (even if the characters ARE 18+)"

now, are fic fests allowed to have their own rules? absolutely. but it feels like they changed the rules in response to me joining. [not that i even planned to write underage or incest... it was gonna be a popular "wholesome" ship dabbling in crossdressing/genderplay and i told the mods as much in my signup]

now i'm debating whether i should stay out of spite to be like "you can't bully me out of participating in fandom, you shitlords" or drop out of the fest but write the fic anyway as a fuck you.

decisions decisions

[xx-4d4msf4m1ly-xx]

Welcome to my blog, tumblr denizens!

Hello. My name's Tempyst and I am the mod of this blog. Lute is currently occupied with several crucial stuff, so I'm in charge here. You can interact with my other sisters who also share this blog too. However, just know that depending who you ask, we all react differently ;D Fellow Comrades: - Spectre - Kira - Mare Fallen: - Bloodbat - Cynthia Additional information will be included in separate posts for both me and my comrades ADMIN SECTION: I, @scourgeofshadows run this blog You can call me Scourge of Shadows, Scourge, Leere, Void Cryptid, or Mortis (I prefer not to mention my real name here). As you can tell, I definitely go fandom hopping depending where my mood/interests take me. This is the first time I decide to mess around and create a blog dedicated to specific fandom obsessions. I'm a digital artist, activity here fluctuates (I have no specific schedule atm), demi non-binary/sorta genderfluid, demiromantic aceflux, and am on the spectrum :D Rules: 1. DNI if you are: homophobic, transphobic, minor (if you still wanna look at my blog, you can't say I didn't warn you), racist, genocide supporter, ableist, a bigot, pro-life, etc. 2. Yes. I can be a crazy anon sometimes, so I have quite a tolerance and patience to those who also wanna be weird. However, PLS make it clear you AREN'T trying to be creepy or threatening to me or else there will be consequences. 3. The degree I permit NSFW depends. I won't accept NSFW if it's directed to me (fuck off creeps pls), and if I think either of my characters might have a love interest created by another blog, I may be open to it, but otherwise, I'll reject it. 4. If you don't tolerate blood, gore, violence, heavy subjects (whether that be religious, political, mental, etc.), and some NSFW, then I recommend you don't look at my blog pls 5. This blog is part of an au, so there is a particular storyline (interactions with other characters will likely be in their own domain), tho I do intend to seek crossovers if it befits the plot (and IF other creators are ok with it)... 6. Pls be sure to introduce yourself before suddenly jumping in and rping in my messages (that would be ideal & make interactions more smooth) 7. My activity level fluctuates, so pls don't be alarmed if I seemed to have "died" Maalikverse au comic: 1st Arc (START): - Your name is Tempyst - The Void Angel who Never Smiles - Now back to Reality... - Vaggie's Hesitation - End of Arc 1 2nd Arc - Your name is [ERROR] - Poor Unfortunate Souls

[skiddlecat]

3 4 23 25 Be violent be free

oh boy you really want me to go off don't you. Okay

3: screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

a lot of the god awful takes i've seen have actually been outside of tumblr, but on tumblr specifically. that one guy on snailfen's "could niko oneshot fix five pebbles" poll that said five pebbles would kill a child. literally have you seen him

4: what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

very very long story but to make it short: apologized for constantly starting up arguments with me over something trivial after getting in trouble with server mods who are also friends of mine, saying he'd try to work on himself, and then proceeded to start another argument with me over something trivial like two days later. and yet i still feel like i'm walking on eggshells around him

23: ship you've unwillingly come around to

hm. i'm not sure. sunstone maybe? i don't harbor any necessarily bad feelings towards suns and pebbles as a ship, i just personally view the iterators as siblings. i've come to really appreciate other interpretations though, and the ways other people interpret the dynamics between the iterators really interests me!! i can't think of a ship that better encapsulates this question i'll get back to you if i remember it.

25: common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

all of these are about rain world because i'm going insane over it right now but SHUT UP!!!!! I DON'T CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyway my common fandom complaint is shut the fuck up about pebbles being a cold arrogant heartless asshole that deserves the death penalty i will actually throw you into a wall. you licherally don't know anything

oh wait actually i DO have one that isn't rain world. project sekai fans PLEAAAASE STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT THE CANCELLATION OF REVIVAL MY DREAM ON EN. I'M SO TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT IT IF YOU WANT TO SEE THE EVENT STORY JUST LOOK AT A TRANSLATION "ohh but the cards won't come to en now :(((" I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. sorry that triggered something in me i think

[sapphire-weapon]

https://www.tumblr.com/uhlunaro/717702713283051520/for-smut-week-i-know-we-all-love-the-mind-blowing i have the feeling that you would enjoy or hate this one. feel free to ignore but its some short scenarios of leon being stupid during sex. curious what you think of his portrayal.

reader fic gives me real bad secondhand embarrassment for real dumb stupid boomer reasons, so I couldn't really read these so much as skim them quickly over the rim of a coke zero -- and I never want to comment on another person's writing to begin with as someone who exists in fandom mostly as a critic/story analyst -- but

that anon?

ban em. unban em. then ban em again. mod em. VIP em. gift em a sub.

that anon's ask was a whole genre of Leon smutfic back in the LJ days. it is some of the most fun shit to write -- and, when done right, some of the most fun shit to read.

that first scenario that the writer came up with also used to be a whole genre of Leon smutfic in Cleon fandom specifically. I can't tell you how many Cleon fics I read back in the day where Leon would pause in the middle of fooling around/having sex to answer the phone because he had to, and trying to be dutiful and attentive to the call because he's Leon and he's always trying to do the Right Thing, but Claire just... doesn't stop. she just tries to see how far she can push it/how much she can get away with/if she can successfully pull Leon's attention fully back on her. and she usually succeeded in forcing Leon to clap his free hand over his own mouth to keep from breathing too heavy or moaning into the phone, because while he does always try to do the Right Thing, he's also still Leon in the sense that he's horny as fuck and he's not going to try to stop her beyond a very weak attempt at waving her away before giving up. and then he punishes her after he hangs up, but not before gasping for breath and taking a full minute to regain his bearings.

it is a genre I would love to see eagleone fandom adopt, because this idea would become infinitely funnier if it was, in fact, Ashley's dad on the other end of the phone.

[jonnyparable]

Autumn on the Farm

So things have been going well for Yuto. He is actually very rich and I did not expect to earn that much from crops alone. In fact, he's so rich, I'm thinking he can just singlehandedly carry Komorebi's economy. Which I will now put into effect by getting him to give people money as a form of investing in their businesses. But of course, the Sims 4 being the 8th wonder of the gaming world that it is, has already hurt itself in its confusion. So far some issues have occurred, the coop is not producing any eggs, although I'm not sure if I'm doing anything wrong, or if its just another fabulous bug.

There's no dispute, however, that this next issue is a known bug which I've just learnt about. Basically almost all my crops reverted back into a dirt pile, like they had just been planted. I thought it's cos I did something but Googled and turns out NO, this is just another issue with the game. Below, you can see how the whole crop field just turned into a nipple museum.

I found a modder who took her own time to FIX ANOTHER ISSUE FOR FREE and it works. But you know what? I wish to live in a world where I didn't need to have to mod a game to make it function as intended. To me, a mod should be adding cool, novel or bizarre things to the game, not making it WORK. My Sims 2 game was modded to hell and back, and that's only because I was forcing the game to be something it wasn't. Namely a very niche, period specific farming game. On its own, very little about the Sims 2 bothered me enough or was broken enough that I had to mod it out. If anything, things I had to mod out were gameplay features that worked perfectly as intended, but were just annoying, not actively broken. Things like newspapers rotting, magic spells needing raegents, or Sims waking up to react to weather. I played that game for 20 or so years and would 100% still be doing so if my computer hadn't died. I would be here continuing the story of Cottage Hills, having had whole plotlines about Saqhaba, going back to Shang Tao, and searching for the other gifts of the Goddess all over the world. Instead I'm here, about 3 months into this game, and already ranting about how it's a broken product. Gardening shipped with the Sims 4 base game, and it's 100% just broken. Honestly, this game is so demoralising and its eating away at me. You can't help but look at it being cute and you think it's got some things going for it and then BAM it goes tits up bonkers as if it was coded by a bus seat. You can sometimes see the devs having fun with something, and I do want them to, but then you see all the lazy shortcuts, sloppy execution, reused animations and just the massive amount of things that have no purpose or gameplay, and it just erases any goodwill when you realise how much they're charging for the experience. The fact that basic things in the game just don't work, while they're out here selling useless shit clutter for basements and greenhouses, including a disassembled Sims 1 Livin' Large heart bed, is just such a big sweaty fuck you to the players...

Sigh sorry for the rant. I tried to stay positive but this game is doing too much y'all. At least its ~pretty~.

[malevolentmadnessmixup]

✨ FAQS! ✨

Do we have to join the Discord?

Y E S. We know, another server, but you don't have to stay in it after the event is over. We need a central location to share information, do check-ins, and answer questions. It'll be fun! It'll have cool bots. Join us. >:)

Why is this an 18+ event?

The Mad Mods are over 18, and we don't want to be legally responsible for anyone else. The Malevolent fandom is, in our opinion, not one for minors in the first place. This isn't a slight against the potential maturity of minors, but in our humble opinion if you can't see a Rated R movie, you don't need to be writing/drawing/voice acting/etc for KiY tentacle smut or Arthur's suicidal ideation. Sorry. :(

Why do you separate NSFW options if this is an 18+ event?

The fact is, not everyone is into NSFW! NSFW doesn't only include sexual content, but violent and potentially triggering content as well. We want everyone to have the option to engage with the event the way they want! If they don't want to possibly get paired with a NSFW topic, they have that right.

What are the final submission requirements for this event?

ALRIGHT. This is a relatively short event, like a BB-lite. We are also slotting carefully between several other Malevolent fandom events (looking at you BB, Yuletide, and Anniversary) so we want to keep it reasonable.

The minimum word count is 3k, the maximum is 20k. We aren't going to be rules lawyers if you're at 20,100 but like, keep it tight. Anything under 3k is not accepted, push yourself! This must be a fully realized work with a beginning, middle, and end, appropriately tagged, and reasonably error-checked. One-shot style only (if you turn it into a series later that's your business but your work should be able to stand alone.)

The minimum art submission is one complete piece, the maximum is three. We do not limit the kind of art you do except no podfics or bookbinding (you just won't have time if you're collabing the way you should). Physical art/cosplay is acceptable but be aware you have a short window and the writer is writing at the same time as you are making your art. You will have to take nice photos of your work as well. Know your limits.

Why didn't you use my (insert fandom/trope/AU) submission in the event list?

Here's the tough love: We are under no obligation to use your suggestions. We love them. We long for your delicious ideas. But sometimes they don't work for what we're trying to do, and we already have something of a list compiled. Here's a short, non exhaustive number of reasons of why we might have left it on the cutting room floor:

Too common, too overdone in our fandom, too niche, too much explaining, too close to canon, too subtle, too NSFW (impressive), too triggering.

We also do NOT do crossover AUs or tropes specific to fandoms (we can do a high fantasy AU, but not a Witcher AU, feel me? We can have a comedy relief punching bag but not a Red Shirt.).

We will probably never have an amnesia trope because, surprise, that features in the canon quite heavily, AND it's been done a lot by fanfic already. This event is for pushing boundaries!

If you have that absolutely wild, perfect, worldbuilt, detailed, weird as fuck AU that you REALLY wanna see?? Do it! MAKE THE ART YOU WANNA SEE!! Just don't expect to get it in this event. (Been there. Sorry.)

Why don't you have a beta tag?

Cane is all the beta we need.

We don't offer betas because this is meant to be a more relaxed event, even if it is a more CRAZY one! The writing submissions are fairly small and don't require any standard of polish or 'skill'. It's too much work for the mods to keep track, frankly, and we don't think ya need the hand holding! If you would like to use a beta, we will have a channel for #beta-requests on the Discord where you can put the call out for one!

What if I get a trope/AU I don't like?

First, we ask you to really think about this assignment, an be sure you can't transform it into something more interesting for you! But if so, everyone gets one (1) courtesy reroll, no questions asked. We don't want anyone to feel really stuck or uncomfortable. Subsequent rerolls are on a case-by-case basis (mostly if we messed up and gave you something you shouldn't have gotten for xyz reasons).

What happens if I have to drop out?

Firstly, we hope everything is okay in your life! We hope you would only drop out from an unavoidable extenuating circumstance, our of respect for your partner who you have been working with. If this must be, we wish you the best, and we have pinch hitters standing by to step in with their crazy ideas to fill the gap! You will be expected to release your trope/AU assignment to the pinch hitter, no matter how far along you were with it, our of respect to your partner who will not be reassigned. You are welcome to continue your unfinished work to post privately outside of the event!

What if my partner drops out!?

DON'T PANIC!

This is part of why this event is so limited in scope. This is a big challenge, to collab and follow two trope restrictions is a lot to recover if one person leaves. If your partner has to drop out we WILL assign you a pinch hitter, even possibly one of the mods (though we are reserved for extremely last minute cases). No matter what, you WILL have a finished product, even if it posts late. No whacko left behind!

I'm having (x) issue!

Okay! If you aren't having fun, that's a problem. The entire point of this event is to have a good time. Is this a challenging art format? Potentially! Is this supposed to be a difficult or stressful event? HELL NO! Please contact a mod with your issue after checking that it hasn't been answered or fixed here, in asks (tagged #mmm faq), or on the #questions-and-solutions discord channel. But before all that: take a breath. Repeat to yourself that you are an independent, powerful, brilliant creator and a valued part of this fandom. Release the breath. You've got it. Maybe problems can be solved with a bit of confidence and a fresh outlook. We'll help you fix whatever else.

[dnickels]

Re your most recent Endeavor gif set, I would be curious to know your thoughts:

The whole "detective being driven mad by city" trope is a thing, but it's usually a big busy callous alienizing city, like London or New York, or maybe a particularly rough or desperate city or area, the whole "Forget it, it's Chinatown," thing. So when I was first watching Endeavour, there was something unintentionally funny about seeing the trope play out in what looks like a bucolic little university town.

But then I started overthinking it, how Oxbridge is like the last stop before the imperial slaughter house in the veal calf raising of future British elites, something something the decline and fall of Empire, something something reproduction of the symbol sans meaning, something something the cycle is inescapable... But I don't know if I'm going crazy or if any of that is intended by the creators?

Like I know Morse's whole thing is he's a man between worlds, who never quite fits the police social structure but can never be accepted by the intellectual or upper class, and he's too old fashioned and snobby for the mods but too uppity and outspoken for the traditionalists. Oxford is a good clash of civilizations for drawing out those contradictions, but do you think there anything more to it than that and would he be less alienated in another city or is he Fully Doomed by police work?

This ask is so fucking good and I said to myself "I've got to chew on this one for a while" and then six weeks went by. I am so sorry!!!

It is impossible to know if we are overthinking it and that in and of itself only adds fuel to the fire. It's a show written in response/in dialogue with two other shows that are in turn dialoguing with/based on a series of books...its meant to be looked at that hard. I don't know how fair it is of me to invoke Colin Dexter himself when talking about Morse but he gave much of his own background to his creation (except, of course, that Dexter went to Cambridge). His Desert Island Discs interview where he talks very briefly about how much is autobiographical is really interesting. So I would love to know what Dexter's thoughts about going to the big university were...and what Morse was expecting out of his time there.

I mean, does anyone really know what they're supposed to get out of college? But yeah, you work your ass off to get to the Premier Institution to access its thousand years of prestige and hope some of it rubs off on you...and then what? He refuses that final fence and has a huge meltdown and never takes his degree, but what was he going to do? He has a pretty cynical view of most institutions, academic, social, governmental etc. By the very first ep of Endeavour he's been burned by the police...but he stays.

So yeah I think you are right on with the specific place, I think he loves the idea of the place-- the cultured life of the mind, the pursuit of the most beautiful, the most exquisite, the places that stay-- even though he's repulsed by the power of the institutions and the awful bottom-feeder they attract. Is he fighting for a city that just straight up doesn't exist? Driven insane trying to make this place Camelot?

I think he spends his entire life trying to make the city the place he dreamed about as a boy but-- you can't! It wasn't real! It can only be what it is! He wants so badly for everyone to transcend their base cruel nature but it ends up make him mean and often cruel himself! FUCK! The themes!!

God this is a good ask I want to come back to it. I haven't said half of what I want to...