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mrsacklesevansmgk · 3 years ago

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Cursed - Chapter 4: Lana

Word Count: 5004

“Be the moon in somebody’s night” - Yasmin Mogahed

Justin was waiting for me by my locker. I had been hoping to get out of class and to my locker without running into anyone but that obviously was not going to happen. So instead, I turned up the music and made it obvious that I didn’t want to talk. After loading my stuff into my bag, I headed for home. Justin fell into step behind me, as did the others. Slowly but surely, they went their own way until it was only Justin and I left. He was bursting at the seams. There was something he wanted to say but he was biding his time; the opportunity came when I had to brush a piece of hair out of my ears and dislodged one of my earphones. “Come on! Come on! Tell me what happened!! I’m dying to know!!” he burst out.

I was over this day and everything that came with it. Why was everyone making such a big deal about this? Why was Justin feeding into it? We’ve been through this already. Nothing happened, it was no big deal. If something did happen, he would have been the first person I talked about it. “What are you talking about?” I replied as I let out the biggest sigh. Sometimes I wondered if Justin thrived on the gossip as much as the ‘cool’ kids, but then I remembered he was incredibly weird to anyone other than our friend group and his hippy lifestyle was a bit too extreme for the likes of Lydia, Marie or Eleanor. I didn’t really need to ask what he was talking about; I knew exactly what he was talking about. Someone had told him about our exchange during study. I stopped walking and rubbed my hand over my face. I knew Justin wasn’t going to stop asking, so I figured I might as well tell him how uneventful it was, straight from the horses’ mouth, so to speak. I told him exactly what happened, how it happened and in what order it happened, starting with when I first met Adam this morning. He listened intently. He ‘hummed’ and ‘ahhh’d’ in all the right places, even though to me it was not worth the effort. We started walking again. Justin pondered how the mean-girls were going to take not being the centre of attention; he also wondered how Eleanor was going to take it.

As we neared Justin’s mailbox, I said my goodbyes. We promised to chat later on, probably online, which was our usual routine. As Justin walked up the path to his house, I pushed my headphones back in my ear and continued walking home.

I went through the front door quietly hoping that no one would hear me. I left my headphones in my ears, so even if someone called out, I’d have an excuse as to why I didn’t hear them. Usually, I take my time getting home, so by the time I do, everyone else is here and the house is noisy and chaotic! But today it seemed quiet and empty. On the way upstairs to my bedroom, I made a stop at the kitchen. I knew I needed snacks. I planned on avoiding my family for the majority of the evening. I grabbed a punnet of strawberries, a can of soda, some water and some carrots and hummus and headed up to my bedroom. I made myself a little picnic spot in the book nook in my room and enjoyed my afternoon tea snack sitting in the sun, daydreaming at the trees outside.

Once I was done, I dumped the contents of my school bag on my desk. I left most things at school unless there was homework or an assignment to work on. I still had that History essay to finish off and I had some worksheets to do for both Bio and Classics. I rummaged through the books and papers and came across a small, folded piece of paper that looked very similar to the one I’d given back to Adam in Study. That’s strange, I thought to myself. I’d definitely given it back to Adam. How had he gotten it back to me and in my bag without me noticing? I picked it up and unfolded it...yup, it was the same note. I could see both his writing and my response. But now there was more of his neat handwriting underneath my response. He had given it back to me! But how?!

Yes, I have heard the comments. I find it quite interesting actually. It’s funny how people overreact over the smallest things! Are we not allowed to talk? Speak for yourself, I happen to be a very interesting person thank you very much ☺. Anyways I shall see you later, when you least expect it ☺ -Adam

How had he managed to reply and get the note back onto my desk, or in my bag without me noticing? But then again, I wasn’t really paying attention. I was daydreaming about being in my peaceful meadow and when that happened, I was in a world of my own. He probably just dropped it into my bag while I was daydreaming. No biggie, I thought. That was the most logical answer.

I went to my desk and turned on my laptop. It was a bit old and clunky and liked to overheat, so I only really used it for schoolwork and assignments. I was saving up to buy a new one, but it wasn’t something I needed to have all the time. I was feeling curious, so I typed Adam’s name into the search engine and waited patiently for the results to load. While I waited, I snacked on my carrots and hummus, realising that I was hungrier than I thought. The results loaded and I clicked on the first entry. Very quickly a page loaded with Adam’s picture and a list of all his achievements and accolades. It was dated about 2 years ago, but Adam looked exactly the same as he did now, like he hadn’t aged a day. His intense green eyes were as piercing now as they seemed back then, but they held the dark and mysterious truth about Adam hidden behind them. I remembered thinking this morning that I couldn’t quite tell what colour his eyes were; I thought they changed between hazel and green, but now there was no doubt about it. He had green eyes. His caramel hair was kept nice and tidy, brushed back and away from his face and the school uniform made him appear a little more grown up than he did today at school. But the most striking thing about the picture was that he had the blankest stare on his face, he wasn’t even smiling. It was like he was staring a hole through the picture and right into my soul, here, now.

Something compelled me to click on the picture and it took me to a photo album. There were lots of pictures, some of Adam by himself, some with teachers and with other students, some of Adam holding up various awards. But in every single picture he had the same look on his face. His eyes were intense, but he looked blank. The other people in the photos with him were smiling and looked happy, he just looked.... absent. This was a total contrast to how he appeared at school today...he spent the majority of the time I was around him, with a smile plastered on his face; and if he wasn’t smiling, he had an amused look on his face.

I went back to the search engine’s results page and clicked on the next result. While I waited, I opened my can of soda and took a big mouthful. Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! That was my phone. I put down my can and looked around the room hoping to spot where I’d left it. Oh duh!! It’s by the Bluetooth speaker! It was a message from my mother, it read:

Won’t be home till late. Eleanor is picking Ariane up from her piano lessons. Dad will be home about 7. Try not to kill each other and fix yourselves something for tea. I hit the reply button and typed out a quick message to my mother. She liked it when we replied even if it was just one word, just so she knew that we had gotten the message. Awesome I thought to myself. Home alone for at least another hour. I went back to the computer and continued to be nosey at Adam for another 5 minutes, but there wasn’t really much to see. That first link had given me the most information and even then, it wasn’t a lot.

I heard a notification ping through the speakers.... ahhh, an email, but it was nothing important, so I decided to sign into Messenger and see who was online to chat. Justin was online, so I started talking to him. After a few minutes a little box popped up on the screen, it said “ADAM17 would like to add you as a friend.”

What? No! I thought! We don’t know each other. Why does he want to add me? Is it even Adam?

But the only way to get answers is to accept it, so I clicked “accept” and waited patiently for ADAM17 to message me. Justin’s messenger window was pinging away.

Just-in-time: Lana, why aren’t you answering me?! Just-in-time: Earth to Lana! Just-in-time: HELLOOOOOO!! LANA-ROCKS: Jeez Justin, take a chill pill! We literally just saw each other ten minutes ago, what could be so important? Just-in-time: Oh, nothing. I was just bored. What are you doing? LANA-ROCKS: I’m honestly just sitting here eating carrots. LANA-ROCKS: Buttttttt......that might be about to change because I think Adam just sent me a friend request 😛 Just-in-time: WHAT?!?!?!?! Just-in-time: How do you even know it’s him? How did he find you? Did you accept the request? Are you going to talk to him? Lana, you have to talk to him. Find out why he’s being all mysterious and weird around you. LANA-ROCKS: Justin, you need to chill. I don’t know it’s him, I have no idea how *he* found me, if it even is him. Yes, I accepted it, because then I can ask him how he found me. I’ll talk to him if he talks to me first. Now stop freaking out over this. Let’s just be our amazing normal selves... Just-in-time: Okay, okay, you’re right. Let’s be chill. Okay, I’ll be chill. But if he talks to you, you have to give me every single detail!! LANA-ROCKS: Lmao! Okay, sure Justin.

That managed to shut Justin up for about 5 seconds, before he moved on to the next topic floating around in his head. I don’t know why he had so much to say considering we literally spend almost all of our time together...we just spent the weekend at Dillon’s family cabin, then spent hours together at school and just said goodbye not fifteen minutes ago. But that’s Justin. I swear he has ADHD or something, the way his mind and attention span is all over the place, focusing on ten million things at once.

After about 5 minutes ADAM17 finally said something. ADAM17: Lana? Is this you? It’s Adam from school today. Sorry ‘bout the random add. I sat there for a minute or so, was this really Adam? Only one way to find out, I guess. But it would be really weird if some other random Adam had friended me and began talking to me like he knew me.

LANA-ROCKS: Hey Adam. Yup it’s me. How’d you find me anyway? ADAM17: Glad it’s you. Ooops snapped! Now I have to admit being nosey about you; I really wanted to talk to you, so I asked a few people at school if there was a way to contact you. I kind of took advantage of the fact that everyone was talking about us today. LANA-ROCKS: You asked people about me? Who did you ask? What is it that you want to talk to me about? ADAM17: Yeah, I asked about you seeing as it was hard to have a proper conversation with you. I just asked some people around school; I’m not naming names. I wanted to talk to you because you intrigue me, and I want to get to know you a bit better. Is that okay with you? Will you be my friend? I didn’t know what to say to that. I hadn’t thought that he would actually want to be friends with me. No one liked to be my friend when they knew who my sister was. Or rather, they just wanted to be my friend to get close to Eleanor and the second they were, they ditched me. This is why I stayed with my select group of friends...we were genuine friends.

LANA-ROCKS: Sorry ‘bout that. Today seemed a bit weird. I’m not usually that all over the place and frazzled. The whispers definitely got to me though and I’m not used to the attention. But yeah, sure, I guess we can be friends. ADAM17: Awesome!! I’m so glad! Yeah, the whispers were weird. But I guess I’m used to that happening. I’ve been the new kid more times than I can count. Whispers and stares kind of come with that. ADAM17: What are you up to tonight? I’m quite bored. Wanna meet up and go for a walk? LANA-ROCKS: I’m not up to much. I was planning on having a quiet night tonight but yeah, a walk sounds good. I think I could use the fresh air too. Where do you want to meet?

I tried not to sound too eager. It’s not that I was eager as such, it’s just, it would be nice to a) go for a walk and b) get to know Adam a bit without the prying eyes of the entire school.

ADAM17: Awesome. Where do you live? I’ll meet you at your house in ‘bout twenty minutes. I quickly gave him my address and my cell phone number so he could text when he got close. ADAM17: Sweet see you soon Lana!

I sent a quick message to Justin that said, “Going for a walk, will talk to you later!” Then I logged out. Justin replied immediately, but I wouldn’t read it till nearly midnight. He said:

Just-in-time: A walk? With whom? Just-in-time: Lana! Who are you going on a walk with? Just-in-time: Are you going for a walk with Adam? Just-in-time: You are, aren’t you?!?!?! Just-in-time: Well, have fun!! But you better tell me alllllllll about it when you get home or I’m walking to your house in the morning and waking your ass up!!

I had twenty minutes to figure myself out. I jumped up and tidied my room a little bit; I mostly just cleared my bed so that I could crawl into it immediately when I got home from the walk. Then I quickly changed my clothes, I ditched the thick hoodie I had worn to school and went with a plain black tank singlet and a thin ‘summer’ hoodie. After that I fixed my hair and put it up into a ponytail. The last thing I had to do was go downstairs to the kitchen and fill up my water bottle. I made sure to leave a note on the fridge and text my mother to let him know I was going for a walk. With that, I was done, I chucked my water bottle and a light rain jacket into a little backpack that trekkers use, grabbed my keys, headphones and cell-phone. Just as I was about to go out the front door, Eleanor and Ariane walked in the back door. I walked back to the kitchen, “Hey, just going for a walk” I said as Eleanor took in my appearance and asked, “Where are you going? Ma isn’t home tonight, so we have to watch Ariane,” said Eleanor.

“Just for a walk, I won’t be gone long. Both you and Ariane are old enough to be alone for a few hours, I’m sure,” I replied with a smile on my face.

Beep Beep! Beep Beep! My phone beeped. Saved by the bell, I thought. I pulled it out and read the message, it was from an unsaved number; it was Adam letting him know he was outside at the gate. “Bye” I yelled to the kitchen behind me as I walked out the front door.

Adam was standing by my mailbox, hands stuffed into his jean pockets. He looked up when he heard me slam the door a little too loud and caught me cringing. Oops! I thought. I walked down the front steps and towards the gate, which he opened for me to walk through. “So, Lana, where are we heading?” He asked as he started walking, hands still stuffed in his pockets like he didn’t know what to do with them. “How about we just walk and see where it takes us?” I answered. He didn’t answer but the smile on his face told me he didn’t mind what we did.

We walked down the street making small talk and chit chat. Even though we barely knew each other, the conversation came naturally, and it was only awkward every now and then when we realised that the other didn’t know what we were talking about. Adam seemed to be from a completely different world than I was. His normal and my normal were worlds apart. After we’d been walking for about a half hour, I had worked up the courage to ask him why he found me so intriguing. He looked confused. “You said online earlier that you asked around because I intrigued you…why?” I asked.

The question definitely caught him off guard. He was not expecting it and he didn’t have an answer ready. He took in a big breath and stopped walking. It took me a few seconds to realise he’d stopped, so I stopped and turned around to look at him. He took one big step towards me so that we were now face to face. He looked me directly in the eyes and said, “You know Lana, you’re not as insignificant as you’d like to think. A lot of people are interested in you, but you shut them all out and put up a wall. Just because you don’t have blonde hair or look like your sister, doesn’t mean that you aren’t pretty or interesting. You’re plenty interesting and I’ve known you for less than 12 hours. I can’t imagine how much more interesting you are to those who have known you longer.”

I stood there staring for a few seconds. I expected this kind of answer from him; one of those answers where he said a lot of words, but he didn’t really answer the question at all. And he’s a fool to think for one minute that any of those idiots at school thought I was interesting or wanted to get to know me, for me. I’ve been around these same people for my entire life. If they wanted to break down my walls, they would have succeeded by now. He stood there watching me process what he had said, working through the response and how I felt about it. Obviously, I didn’t agree, and he could see that by the look on my face, because the second I opened my mouth to argue the point, he began to smile. That resulted in me frowning, which in turn caused a giggle to escape his mouth.

“Okay, Mr. Smooth-talker, that didn’t even answer my question. I don’t care what people think of me, I don’t care about being popular, I don’t care if I look like my sister or not. It doesn’t matter to me. Being the centre of attention or the topic of the school gossip, is not something that appeals to me, at all – as you can see from how I handled today. I have my core group of friends who mean the world to me, I’d do anything for them. They took the time to break down the ‘walls’” I said, with quotation marks around that word, “and get to know me. No one else has tried or even wants to try to get to know me and I’m fine with that. And lastly, I am probably the least interesting person in this town, so I don’t buy that for a second!” It all came gushing out. Like verbal diarrheas.

I turned on my heel and started walking again, leaving Adam standing there and then rushing to catch up and just as he got to my side, I managed to trip over an imaginary rock…. aka I stumbled over my own feet and was just about to faceplant on the concrete. Adam had amazing reflexes and grabbed my elbow just as gently as he had earlier in the day. He caught me just as I was about to hit the concrete. He helped me back to my feet and let go of my elbow, he looked around to make sure I wasn’t hurt in any way.

“Lana, I know you won’t believe me but I’m going to say it anyway. You intrigue me because of who you are,” he gently lifted my chin so that we were face to face again, “I have a gift. I can read people. It’s as if they’re an open book – a good thing to be able to do when you move schools as often as I do. You, dear, sweet, innocent Lana, at first, I thought you were easy to read. From the second I met you, I knew you were a nice person and I wanted to get to know you. The look you gave me when you walked into English class this morning, it was as if I had just killed your dog. Your cheeks were slightly flushed, like you had been rushing to class. Then I caught you looking at me and the gentle flush on your cheeks deepened to a marvelous shade of pink. I knew I had caught you looking me over, trying to decide whether or not you liked me and whether you were going to talk to me or not,” he paused to take a deep breath, “And I liked the way you looked at me as if I was interesting, it is good to have someone look at you that way.” He paused again. And just when I thought he was done, he added “Just when I think I can guess your next move, you go and do something completely out of the blue and catch me off guard. You’re not so easy to read after all Lana and THAT intrigues me.”

I smiled up at him and he smiled back. We started walking again and I decided I needed to focus on putting one foot in front of the other. I didn’t need another situation where he was saving me from my own clumsiness. We were near a park, so I suggested that we go and sit on the swings for a while. They had big swings for teenagers and adults to use – you could go pretty high if you wanted too. I always liked going on the swings as a child and if I needed to get away for a short while and couldn’t quite make it to my meadow, the swings were my next best option. When we got to the park I went to the closest swing and sat down. I pushed off the ground to start my momentum, swinging my legs back and forth, working myself into a rhythm. Suddenly I felt Adam’s hands on my waist. He gave me a gentle push so that I was swinging a bit higher and no longer needed to push off the group. He gave me another big push and then went and sat on the swing next to me and got himself going.

After a few minutes of swinging in silence he started talking again, “As I get to know you more, the more I like the person you are. I know this may seem forward and out of the blue since we’ve only just met, but I really want to get to know you more. Would you like to go out to the movies with me on Saturday night?” I continued to swing in silence, trying to formulate an answer. I know it was a simple yes or no question. But I needed to think about it in the bigger picture. Did I want to get to know Adam more? Was I fine with a basic friendship or a more in-depth friendship? Did I want more than friendship? Did Adam? I looked up at him and saw that he was looking at me waiting for me to respond. His stare was intense, and captivating, I couldn’t look away.

“Hmmm movies on Saturday night? I’m sure I can do that” I replied, trying to sound casual. It didn’t fool him though and he just laughed. “Geez Lana don’t look so offended. I just asked you out. I don’t think you realise how serious I am, but I really like you and I want to spend time with you.”

This was the moment that my body decided to betray me. My breathing was getting fast and shallow, I couldn’t control it. I needed to take a deep breath but every time I tried, my lungs would constrict, and I couldn’t get enough air in. Adam was standing beside me before I knew it, grabbing the swing to slow me down and bring me to a stop. He was staring at me, like he always seems to be, but this time he didn’t have a cute smile on his face, but a look of genuine concern and worry. I managed to pull my asthma inhaler out of my pocket and force it into my mouth and pump it once. I slowly breathed the medicine into my lungs. I pumped the inhaler one more time and took five breaths. Already I was beginning to feel better. It’s funny because I had actually considered leaving my inhaler at home, but I’d put it in my pocket subconsciously, because that’s what I did every day before I left the house. I never went anywhere without an inhaler…or two.

Adam was still standing in front of me, rubbing my back and encouraging me to take deep breaths. I couldn’t help but laugh at the amount of concern he was showing. This was a very normal, regularly occurring event for me. Not only was I clumsy in general, but my lungs often decide to forget how to breathe properly, and I have an asthma attack. “If I had known asking you out would have had this reaction on you, I wouldn’t have done it!” He tried to joke. His face was now only inches away from mine. I could feel his breath on my lips. I still sat on the swing, with Adam standing in front of me, holding the chains in his grip and holding me close to his body. It wasn’t such a bad place to be, to be honest. It definitely was not helping me keep my breathing under control, but it felt nice that he was showing such concern and care for me. “It wasn’t you, Adam. I just have asthma attacks every now and then, more often in the evenings. That’s why I carry my inhaler around with me all the time. But only those close to me know about it.” I paused, “Sorry you had to witness that.”

After a few minutes of me taking deep breaths and Adam holding me as close to him as possible, he said “Let’s get you home Lana.” I considered putting up a fight. I didn’t want to leave. I was happy and content sitting on this swing being held by his strong arms, up against his body. He began to pull away, I grabbed his arms and said “No! No, I don’t want to go just yet,” I choked out. He put his arms back around me and pulled me closer to him and rested his head on the top of mine. This felt incredibly normal, and I was beginning to understand just how much he cared about me. Maybe I cared about him just the same. The realisation sent shivers down my spine, and I had no opportunity to disguise them and hide them from Adam. He mistook the shiver for me being cold and began rubbing his hands up and down my arms to keep me warm.

“Thanks, but I’m not cold,” I said. I could feel him smile against my forehead, “Why are you shivering then?” he asked. I knew he knew the answer, but he wanted to make me say it. Instead, I just relaxed into his arms and enjoyed the moment. Before I knew it, it was getting dark. He kept rubbing his hands up and down my arms to keep me as warm as the cool night air hit. But it wasn’t his hands keeping me warm, it was his body heat that was transferring through the hug he was giving me.

I didn’t want this moment to end. Neither of us did. But we both knew it was time for our walk to come to an end. Without saying anything, we started walking back towards my house. We continued talking, but it was light-hearted and easy-going. When we got to my front gate, Adam gently took my hand and rubbed it between his two big hands. He looked into my eyes and simply said “I’ll be here in the morning to take you to school,” and he kissed my cheek before turning and walking away.

#Cursed Series #Adam and Lana #Original Work #Original Story #mysterious stranger

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danfanciesphil · 7 years ago

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Raise your arms and hold

by danfanciesphil (Read on Ao3!)

Phil's only requirement for a new flat was a balcony. The view was just a bonus.

Rating: Mature Word Count: 10,315 Warnings: Recreational drug use (weed) Recommended Listening: Balconies by Paper Route (Inspiration for the title)

Excerpt: Phil laughed, shaking his head. “No. But it would’ve been a nice feature to include - that there’s a mysterious, pretty boy on the balcony opposite.” Phil smiled at him, watching Dan’s eyes widen in surprise. “I was on the verge of saying no to this place. But that would’ve persuaded me.”

I wrote this little oneshot (10k is little for my rambly ass lmao) for my dear friend Nova while she was recovering from a hospital visit. I ended up really enjoying it, so I thought I’d share with you guys!

In truth, the apartment was nothing spectacular.

It had been Phil’s third flat viewing that day, and by the time the Estate Agent ushered him inside, he was already weary of climbing stairwells to view tiny, cramped living spaces that he still could barely afford.

The types of places in Phil’s modest budget were all fairly similar in appearance, so Phil kind of knew what to expect when he stepped into this one. It was a studio, with a bed at one end and a kitchen at the other. There was a small bathroom near the door, with just about enough room for a shower, toilet and sink.

It did have a balcony, though.

Phil had stressed his desire for this one feature as strongly as he could to Julie, his Estate Agent, when he’d first spoken with her. She’d given him the usual spiel about how it would be unlikely that he’d find a place within his price range, in South London, with an outdoor space. But Phil had just waved her cautions away, and told her to do the best she could.

“It meets your specifications, you’ll notice,” Julie remarked as she showed him this third place, chuckling politely as she pulled open the two white, flaking wooden doors to the outside.

The balcony itself was nothing grand, obviously. Phil stepped out onto it, hands in his pockets, breathing in deeply. A black iron railing ran around the edge of the small space, which jutted out about four feet from the door. It would be just enough to squeeze a chair in, Phil thought, peering over the edge of the railing to the narrow alleyway below.

It was plenty of space for what he planned to do with it, though. He could overlook the chair perhaps, in favour of creating more space for his other projects.

In terms of a view, this place didn’t have one. The balcony looked out onto the building opposite, which was virtually a mirror of the one in which Phil stood. There was an apartment directly opposite his own, in fact, with its own balcony jutting almost absurdly close to the one Phil was looking out from.

A strange mental image popped into Phil’s mind; sipping tea, out here on his balcony as a crotchety neighbour glared at him from a few metres away. The opposing balcony was probably close enough, Phil reckoned, that he could leap across to it if he suspended all fear of falling to the concrete below.

“So, what do you think?” Julie asked, shuffling into the small space beside Phil on the balcony.

“Do you know who lives there?” Phil asked her, pointing to the flat opposite. The windows were dark, their curtains pulled shut.

There was a sliver of the interior visible through the gap between the person’s curtains, but aside from what looked like a piano covered in a mess of papers and mugs, it was hard to make out anything distinct.

Julie looked at Phil strangely. “I’m afraid not.”

Phil nodded, looking pensive as he continued to stare out. On balance, this flat was probably the nicest one he’d seen yet, if only because it had the one thing he truly wanted. Sure, it was a little over a fifteen minute walk to the tube station, and the stairwell had some garish, flickering fluorescents that would probably become a nuisance. But in all honesty, Phil was tired of looking. He just wanted to sign a lease, and move his stuff into a permanent place so he could finally get off his brother’s couch.

“Okay,” he told Julie after a minute of silent deliberation. “I’ll take it.”

As he shook Julie’s hand, sealing the deal, he could have sworn he noticed the curtain in the opposite apartment twitch.

It didn’t take Phil long to move in. He didn’t have a lot of stuff, what with it being just him, so the whole operation took under an hour. Martyn, his brother, came along to help, but in the end he ended up just providing some company while Phil unpacked his few possessions and placed them around his new home.

“You’re gonna freeze to death in here if you keep those open,” Martyn told him, nodding to the balcony doors, which Phil had opened wide the moment he first stepped in.

Phil shrugged, not minding in the slightest. “I like them open. It’s less confining.”

Martyn rolled his eyes at him, but didn’t argue. They went to a nearby diner after the last box had been unpacked, grabbing a quick meal. After that, Martyn said his goodbyes, gave Phil a good luck squeeze, and headed back home.

Phil trekked back up the stairs of his new apartment building, sighing at the flickering light overhead. He unlocked the door of his new flat, and shut it behind him, feeling the world fall away.

Caught in a moment of deliberation over what to do with himself for the rest of the night, he walked out onto the balcony, letting the dwindling dusk settle around him as he leaned his forearms against the railing. As he tilted his head upwards, he was pleasantly surprised to find a star-speckled sky painted behind the blockish buildings crowding the immediate vicinity. Phil smiled to himself, feeling the evening chill prickle at his bare arms, rippling goosebumps over his pale skin.

“Uh, hi.”

Phil jumped in surprise, having thought he was alone.

For the first time, he noticed a figure on the balcony opposite, hunched in a camping chair in the corner, his knees drawn up to his chest like a woodlouse.

Phil stared at this figure for a moment, trying to make sense of him. Belatedly, he remembered social etiquette.

“Hi.”

“Sorry,” the boy said, looking awkward. “You didn’t notice me here, and… I thought it’d be weirder if I didn’t draw attention to myself before you did notice… or something.”

Phil huffed a laugh. “Fair enough.”

“Have you just moved in?” The boy asked. He unfurled himself from the camping chair, revealing a lanky body - all limbs and sharp, angular lines - as he stood up.

His oversized stripey jumper slipped off one shoulder as he stepped towards the railing. Phil’s eyes fell to the exposed skin without meaning to.

“Yeah,” he replied, a little stunned by the sight of a young, attractive boy his age in place of the ancient, grumpy neighbour he’d imagined living across from him.

As the boy neared him, the unmistakeable smell of weed floated across the gap between their balconies, curling around Phil’s senses like the ghostly fingers of a long lost friend.

Phil’s eyes fell to the fingers of the boy’s left hand, which he now saw held a small, thinly rolled joint between them.

“I’m Dan.” The boy told him, taking a drag from it. “Sorry for scaring you.”

Phil regarded him curiously, trying to make him out in the low light. Certain features were more visible than others. The moonlight glinted off the whites of his eyes, yet the colour of them was lost to shadow, transforming his pupils into two black holes. His hair was tousled, curly even, in an unkempt, natural way. Again however, the colour could have ranged from onyx to bright blue for all Phil could see.

It was obvious that this boy was very pretty, at least. The vermillion glow of the end of his joint drew Phil’s attention to Dan’s mouth, and he tried to imagine the smoke rushing into Dan’s lungs, the drug massaging Dan’s mind, warming him from the inside out.

“I’m Phil.”

Dan nodded, then plucked the joint from his lips, holding it out over the railing, towards Phil.

“Want some?”

Phil wasn’t sure why he leant over to accept the joint from Dan’s hand. He hadn’t smoked since his second year of university, and had never been particularly enamoured with the stuff anyway.

He didn’t mind the occasional drag on a joint at parties, but generally Phil preferred to be alert, finding he worked better that way. His productivity levels had never been positively affected by cannabis.

Nevertheless, he found himself drawing deeply on the joint Dan gave him, eyes closing as the nostalgia of inhaling the drug washed through his body. He blew it out slowly, watching the smoke spiral away from his lips, up into the darkening ink spill of the night sky.

“Thanks,” Phil said, leaning out in order to pass the joint back to Dan.

“Sure,” Dan replied. A few seconds of silence passed; Phil closed his eyes, relishing the waves of blissful relaxation as they lapped over his skin. “I’m not a stoner, by the way.”

Phil’s eyes fluttered open. He smiled at Dan, saying nothing.

“I just…” Dan sighed, smoke billowing from his lips. “I need a break sometimes.”

“From?”

Dan shrugged, twiddling what was left of the joint between his fingers. “Life.”

Phil nodded, gazing up at the stars again. “I get that.”

Again, a silence fell between them.

“Are you living here on your own?” Dan asked after a while.

“Yeah,” Phil replied. “And you?”

Dan nodded, though a frown pulled down the corners of his mouth. He took another drag.

“I should go inside.” Phil sighed, feeling sleepy all of a sudden.

“Oh,” Dan said, sounding disappointed. “Okay. See you around then.”

“It was nice to meet you.” Phil told him sincerely, turning to go. “I expect you’ll see lots of me out here.”

Dan smiled, stubbing the joint out on the railing. “Cool.”

Phil stepped back to the open doors, intending to go and collapse on his bare mattress and succumb to cannabis-induced slumber. Just before he got inside, he turned back to Dan, smiling.

“Julie should have put you in the listing for this place.”

Dan snorted with laughter. “What, that there’s a dude who’ll give you free drugs if you move in?”

Phil laughed, shaking his head. “No. But it would’ve been a nice feature to include - that there’s a mysterious, pretty boy on the balcony opposite.” Phil smiled at him, watching Dan’s eyes widen in surprise. “I was on the verge of saying no to this place. But that would’ve persuaded me.”

Dan just looked at him, clearly at a loss for what to say. The expression on his face was one of such bemusement that Phil instinctively knew he’d wake up in the morning regretting his words. For now however, he just chuckled, waved once, and stepped off the balcony, back into his new flat.

It was around a week before Phil saw Dan again.

He kept an eye out for him, watching the doors of the balcony opposite for any signs of movement. They stayed firmly closed however, to Phil’s disappointment. Once, he thought he might be able to hear piano music filtering in through his own open doors, but he couldn’t tell if it was coming from Dan’s apartment or not; the curtains were all firmly drawn.

He became used to the commute to his lab on the tube, which took him half an hour every day, not including the walk to the station from his new building. Work was the same as ever, and Phil quickly slipped back into his routine, monitoring tests, writing reports, analysing data.

Often he’d get lost in his project, and would look up from the incubator he’d been staring into to find that hours had slipped by, and that all his co-workers had long since gone home.

One such night, on a Friday, he found himself unlocking his front door at ten in the evening. Unsure how he could have lost track of time quite so badly, Phil headed for the balcony at once, bypassing the kitchen in order to let himself switch off as he stood, inhaling the cold night air, leant against his railing as he looked up at the skies above.

Sadly, this time there were no stars.

“You should get a chair or something.”

Phil smirked to himself, his gaze falling from the heavens to the balcony opposite. Dan was sat in his fold-out chair again, the thin trail of smoke spiralling from his hand a telltale sign of what he was holding in it.

“I don’t mind leaning here.” Phil told him honestly. “I sit all day.”

Dan regarded him curiously. “You do?”

Phil nodded. “I work in a lab.”

Dan appeared to contemplate this, dragging on the joint in his hand. “So you sit on a stool?”

“Yes.”

“That’s not very comfy, I’d imagine.”

Phil shrugged. “It’s fine. I don’t really notice.”

“You could get a nice, soft, comfy chair to lounge on your balcony.”

Phil laughed, one eyebrow raised. “Like you, you mean?”

It was pretty dark, but Phil could still see the smirk form on Dan’s lips. He unfurled himself from the camping chair, standing up. His jumper was different today - grey and shapeless, obscuring the lithe body beneath it.

Dan walked to the railing, holding the joint out for Phil to take. “I don’t sit out here often enough to buy a proper chair.”

Phil hesitated before accepting the joint again, wondering if getting into the habit of sharing tokes with his neighbour might be a bad idea. In the end, however, he couldn’t be bothered to debate the pros and cons. He took the rollie from Dan, bringing it to his lips.

“Well maybe you will now that you’ve got a fun new neighbour,” Phil quipped, smiling at him.

He inhaled, allowing the silvery mist to seep across the front of his mind, blurring the most acute of his concerns.

Dan snorted with laughter. “I think it’s a bit early in our friendship for me to be buying furniture for us, Phil.”

Phil chuckled. “Give it time.”

The first time Phil saw Dan in the daylight was the following afternoon. It was a Saturday, and Phil spent the morning wandering around his new neighbourhood. He ducked into a cutesy cafe for a cappuccino and a croissant - he never usually had time for breakfast - and then spent half an hour or so wandering through a plant shop, gazing in admiration at the overflowing displays.

He purchased some tiny cacti, then picked up a few smallish plant pots, along with soil, a hanging basket, and several packets of seeds.

After he’d hauled his spoils up the three flights of stairs to his flat, he was pretty exhausted. It was tempting to stop there, to switch on some Stranger Things and veg out on the sofa for the rest of the day, but Phil rarely got time off these days, so he refused to let himself waste it.

He made a cup of coffee, then brought the pots, plants and soil out to the balcony, and got stuck in. It was tiring work, and messy, but the cool, squidgy soil felt nice against his hands. He dug small holes with his fingertips and tucked the seeds in with the utmost care. Lobelia, passion flowers, anemones and pansies in one pot. Cherry tomatoes and chilli plants in a second. Mint and lavender in another.

He filled one larger pot entirely with sunflower seeds.

Hours must have slipped by, but Phil was too busy with his project to notice the day running away without him, as usual. It was only when he sensed eyes on him that he finally paused, glancing up at the balcony opposite.

Dan was leant against the railing, smiling at him amusedly. “Didn’t have you down as the gardening type.”

It took Phil a moment to respond, distracted as he was by the sight of Dan in the daylight. His hair and eyes were both chestnut brown, he noted, feeling a sense of satisfaction at having this information at last. He was wearing a t-shirt today, white with a grey, marbled effect.

There was something about him, in the light, that changed him completely from the version Phil had grown used to. Gone were the shadows cast across his face; in their place, a light dusting of caramel freckles. A dimple embedded itself into Dan’s cheek as he smiled, invisible to Phil until now.

Phil cursed the darkness for ever hiding it from him. Feeling warm as the realisation of Dan’s profound beauty washed over him, Phil dusted dirt from his hands and stood, reaching for his coffee.

“I’m a biology student I’ll have you know.” Phil told him, smiling. “Plants are friends of mine.”

“You’re a student?” Dan asked, sounding surprised.

Phil took a sip of coffee, then winced in disgust. He made a face, putting the coffee aside, and Dan laughed at him.

“Ugh, sorry. I’m always letting drinks go cold.” Phil said, shaking his head. “Anyway yeah, I’m doing my PhD.”

Dan’s eyebrows shot up, clearly impressed. “Wow.”

Embarrassed, Phil just shrugged at him. “It’s not that big of a deal. I mostly just stare at plants and write things about them.”

Dan shook his head, leaning a little further over the railing. “You shouldn’t downplay it, Phil. Getting into a PhD programme is really difficult. It’s impressive.”

Phil laughed awkwardly, feeling his cheeks begin to burn. “Thanks.”

“Anyway, your balcony is clearly going to benefit from your biological skill.”

Phil gazed around at the various pots littering the small space. He wiped the back of his hand over his forehead, sighing. “I hope so.” He gazed up at Dan again, smiling nervously. “If it works out, perhaps my neighbours will benefit too.”

Dan chuckled, nodding. He leant an elbow on the railing, placing his chin in his hand. “Is that right? What’ve you planted for us all, Phil?”

Phil winked in an attempt to be enigmatic. “It’s a surprise.”

Dan rolled his eyes, though he was still smiling. Phil opened his mouth to say something else, but at that moment, the distinct sound of a door slamming burst out from the depths of Dan’s flat.

Immediately, the smile was wiped clean off of Dan’s face. He turned around, eyes widening, and straightened up.

“I’ve gotta go,” Dan said quickly, shooting a brief look of apology Phil’s way. “Sorry. See you later.”

Phil could only stare, perplexed, as Dan scurried back into his apartment, shutting the double doors firmly behind him.

It was late evening by the time Dan re-emerged, and Phil was sweeping the soil he’d spilled into a dustpan. His miniature garden was far from completed, but he was too tired to do any more to it today.

When Dan’s door opened, he looked up in surprise, having resigned himself to the idea that Dan would not be back out here again for some time.

In Dan’s hand was a cup of coffee; he walked up to the railing, looking nervous, and held it out towards Phil.

Phil blinked at the mug, not comprehending.

“This is my way of apologising for being rude earlier.” Dan explained.

The steam from the mug rose into the air, catching in Phil’s nostrils. It smelled rich and strong, unlike the watery, instant stuff Phil had in his cupboard inside.

Phil stood slowly, leaning over the rail and taking the mug from Dan’s hand, partly because he was worried Dan might burn himself on it.

“You made me coffee?”

“Yeah. You left yours to go cold earlier.”

Something warm and glowing pulsated in Phil’s belly. What did it mean, that Dan was this attentive to his actions? Was there some hidden meaning behind the incredibly sweet gesture of making him coffee, or was this just Dan’s peculiar way?

He brought the mug to his lips, eyes fluttering shut as he inhaled the fragrant, delicious aroma.

Typically, Phil would not drink coffee this late. He’d be too afraid of screwing up his sleeping pattern, and not being able to regulate it in time for work on Monday. His experiments required concentration and care; it was vital that Phil be alert for the whole working day.

But Dan had made this specially for him. Besides, it was a Saturday. So Phil sipped appreciatively, not even minding that there was no milk or sugar. Good coffee tended not to need it, anyway.

When he looked up again from his mug, he noticed Dan had leant forward on his railing, head nestled in the crook of one elbow, bowed forwards into it.

“Hey, are you alright?”

Dan raised his head a little, propping his chin on his forearm. He’d slipped on a hoodie since Phil had last seen him.

“Not really.” Dan replied.

Stuck for what to say, Phil just pressed himself against the rail in an attempt to get closer. He moulded his expression into an appropriate one of concern. “Do you wanna talk to me about it?”

Dan regarded him for a moment, then smiled. “I’ll just bum you out, but thanks.”

Despite the curiosity eating him alive, Phil left it at that, not wanting to probe. He barely knew Dan, after all. “You keep your curtains drawn a lot.”

Dan snorted. “And you leave your doors wide open twenty-four seven.”

“I like the fresh air!” Phil said defensively, taking another sip of coffee.

“Burglars like it too.”

“You can keep an eye on things for me when I’m not here, right?” Phil asked, giggling.

Dan straightened up, rolling his eyes. “So I’m your watchdog now?”

“Got anything better to do with your days?”

For some reason, this question, meant as a joke, seemed to change Dan’s mood somewhat. His smile disappeared, and he wrapped his arms around his middle, sighing heavily.

“I didn’t mean-”

“Forget it.” Dan interrupted.

A silence hung, uncomfortable and tight, in the air between them.

“I’m gonna go to bed.” Dan said eventually, sounding awkward.

Phil’s chest ached, wishing he could take back his jokey comment, even if he didn’t understand quite what the issue was.

“Okay,” Phil answered, not sure what else to say. “Do you want your mug back?”

Dan gazed at Phil for a drawn out second, then smiled. “Nah. Drink your coffee. I’ll get it back some other time.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’ve got more than one mug, Phil.” Dan said, a teasing lilt to his voice.

Phil smiled back, glad that the awkward atmosphere seemed to be dissipating. “Okay. Goodnight, then.”

“Night.” Dan replied, hesitating for a second before turning and ducking back into his flat.

Dan didn’t come out onto the balcony on Sunday, but Phil could hear voices wafting over nonetheless.

From the sounds of things, Dan was having an argument. The voices were indistinct, but raised and aggressive. Phil tried to concentrate on his task of fixing the planted pots to the railing of his balcony, but after a while it just felt like he was prying.

He decided to leave the gardening for the time being, and spent the rest of his weekend catching up with Stranger Things.

On Tuesday evening, Phil found Dan sitting in his camp chair again. He was scrolling through his phone, concentrating hard on something, and didn’t notice Phil stepping out.

“Watching for burglars climbing in through my balcony doors?”

Dan looked up, already smiling. “Supervising your plant-pals, actually.”

He locked his phone, shifting a bit on his seat.

“How was your day?” Phil asked, feeling a little shy all of a sudden.

“Dull.” Dan answered. “And you?”

“Pretty good, actually. I managed to get a sea anemone to thrive in a humidified container without submersion.”

Dan raised an eyebrow, nodding. “I’m not sure what that means, but it sounds cool.”

“Here,” Phil said brightly, digging his phone out of his pocket. “I’ll show you.”

He opened his camera roll, heart racing a little as his brain caught up with his movements. Dan surely wouldn’t care about seeing his boring science experiments. But when Phil found the photo he took earlier this afternoon, he glanced up at Dan to find him smiling widely.

In what was probably an idiotic move, Phil leaned as far as he could over the railing, extending the hand holding his phone out towards Dan. It reached, just about, and Dan took it from him carefully, their fingers brushing for the most fleeting of seconds.

An electric shiver ran through Phil as he retracted his own hand, realising with some awe that he’d never touched Dan before this point.

“Phil…” Dan whispered, staring down at the phone in his hand. “This is… incredible. I’ve never seen anything like this. You created it?”

Phil nodded, the shyness engulfing him now. Dan looked so mesmerised; it was a little disconcerting. He’d only wanted to show him the pretty colours and shapes; what if Dan thought he might be trying to boast about his scientific prowess?

The photo he’d found for Dan to see was of his latest botanical experiment. Encased in an enormous large glass orb, Phil had been growing a variety of plants from a multitude of habitats. The orb was carefully regulated in its climate, humidity, moisture levels and light exposure; as the plants thrived or struggled, Phil meticulously recorded the results in order to keep track of how each species preferred its conditions.

His ultimate goal was to construct a self-regulating atmosphere within the orb, through which the sensitive scientific equipment could monitor and change the temperament according to each plant’s requirements.

In other words, Phil was trying to defy God by creating a mini-world wherein plants from all backgrounds could thrive in one place.

So far, it was working pretty well. The plants sometimes died on him, as expected, but most of the time Phil was careful enough to notice any changes in their behaviour that he could change the settings of the orb before disaster struck.

“How have you got sea anemones in here?” Dan asked, baffled as he used his thumb and forefinger to zoom in on the image. “There’s no water! And there are cacti too! And what’s that, a frickin’ snowdrop? Phil, this is insane.”

“It’s all to do with the humidity levels and… other boring stuff.” Phil half-explained, shrugging.

Dan snorted. “Okay, I think you need to reevaluate your definition of boring.”

Phil smiled, feeling a warmth spread into his cheeks. “It’s just my job.”

Dan shook his head, marvelling still. “This is like… the ultimate terrarium.”

“Hah, yeah! It is basically a big terrarium.”

“I’ve always wanted a terrarium.” Dan said wistfully, still staring at the image.

“What’s stopping you?” Phil asked, and Dan sighed, not answering.

Dan’s fingers tapped against Phil’s phone screen, making him panic. Surely he wouldn’t swipe through the rest of Phil’s photos without asking?

“Uh, what’re you doing?” Phil asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

Dan smirked, not looking up yet. His fingers continued to dance against the screen. “Just in case you need to check whether there have been any burglars.”

He locked the phone then, leaning over his railing to hand it back to Phil.

By the time Phil had retrieved it, entered his passcode, clicked through his open apps, found the number Dan had typed into his contacts, and registered what that meant, Dan had already retreated back into his flat.

The following morning, very early, Phil was watering the as-yet unsprouted seeds of his sunflower pot, when Dan’s doors opened. He looked up in shock, about to call out a teasing: ‘so, this is what the day looks like before twelve!’, but the words caught in his mouth.

The man exiting Dan’s apartment was not a gangly, awkward twenty-something. Instead, stood on Dan’s balcony as if he belonged there, was an older gentleman. He had a retreating hairline, greying at the temples, and a scruff of beard on his chin. His eyes, like Dan’s, were chocolate brown, but they lacked the same glimmer of mischief.

He noticed Phil almost at once, fixing him with a hard, assessing gaze. Tiny peach watering can in one hand, Phil froze under the unexpected attention, feeling stunned. He lifted his other hand in a semi-wave, trying to be friendly to this stranger.

He half-wondered, as the man continued to stare coldly, blankly, towards him, whether he ought to be calling the police instead of attempting to befriend him. After all, didn’t Dan say a few days ago that he lived alone?

Before Phil’s half-awake mind could stir itself into a decision, the man in question turned from him, vanishing back inside and drawing the curtains tightly.

Left staring in a state of confusion, Phil finished up watering the plants, and left for work.

His phone itched in his pocket, urging him to just text Dan and ask, but he resisted. He still barely knew Dan, after all. Texting him out of the blue for the first time to ask a nosey-neighbour question wasn’t the way he wanted things to go.

So, he tried to forget about it.

Dan didn’t emerge again until Friday night.

Again, there was a joint in his hand, and if Phil wasn’t mistaken, there was the burnt out stub of another, still slightly smoking, at Dan’s feet.

“No camping chair today?” Phil asked, shrugging on the thick hoodie he’d grabbed off a nearby chair as he came in.

Dan took a deep inhale, then blew it out slowly. “Decided to try it your way.”

“And?”

“I’m undecided.” Dan said after a moment of consideration. “I’ll get back to you.”

“Please do.”

Dan held the joint out for Phil, who took it readily. This had been a long week.

“How was work?” Dan asked him, watching carefully as Phil dragged on the rollie.

Phil nodded, holding the lungful of smoke in for a few seconds before exhaling. “Good. Long.”

He handed the joint back to Dan, but he shook his head. “Keep it. I’m so stoned.”

Phil considered this statement, trying not to be too obvious as he searched Dan’s face for signs of this.

“Bad day?” Phil asked him, joking a little.

He wasn’t sure what Dan did all day, but from the way he spoke, Phil was pretty certain he rarely left his flat.

“The worst.” Dan groaned unexpectedly, once again leaning forwards to place his forehead against his forearm where it rested on the railing.

“Oh,” Phil said, surprised. He took a drag of the joint, unsure what to do. “What happened?”

He didn’t expect Dan to respond, honestly.

“I had a fight with my Dad.” Dan said after a moment, sounding hesitant. “I mean, I fight with him all the time, but it was particularly bad today.”

Phil nodded, silently connecting the dots between this statement and the man he saw on Dan’s balcony on Wednesday.

“What about?”

Dan sighed in frustration, lifting his head from his arm. “Oh y’know, the usual. He thinks I’m wasting my life, throwing my youth away. I should get a job, get over my depression, stop wallowing in misery and worrying my family.”

Phil stared at him, a speck of ash falling from the forgotten joint in his fingers. He tried to think of some kind of response, but his brain was already misting over, and he probably wouldn’t have known what to say even if he were more alert.

“Sorry,” Dan said after a while. “That was a lot of information to get about me in one go.”

Phil nodded, dragging again on the joint. “I’m sorry.”

“What’re you sorry for?”

“It just sounds rough.” Phil said, shrugging. “I’m sorry for you, that you’re going through that right now.”

It was hardly the most eloquent response, but Dan seemed to consider it as seriously as if Phil had recited a bible verse. He gazed out at Phil, puppy-like, as he tilted his head to one side.

“Thanks.” Dan said at last. A pause emerged, bubbling between them. Phil stubbed out the joint. “You didn’t text me.”

Phil chuckled. “Sorry. I didn’t know what to say.”

“So send me emojis.” Dan said, smiling tiredly. “Or pictures. Pictures would be even better.”

“Pictures of what?”

Dan shrugged. “I dunno. Anything. Your lunch. A cool dog on the tube. All the pretty plants in your lab.”

“Don’t encourage me.” Phil laughed, leaning forwards instinctively. “That could get really annoying for you.”

“Phil, most days I barely even make it out of bed.” Dan told him, sounding painfully sincere. “I doubt you will be a nuisance.”

Phil smiled at him. “Okay.”

“Don’t let me down.” Dan warned him, jabbing a finger in his direction. “I expect at least two pictures tomorrow.”

Phil laughed, blushing a little once again. “Do I get pictures in return?”

“Of me in bed?” Dan asked, grinning cheekily. “Sure.”

The first photo he sent to Dan was of a mouse in his kitchen.

He captioned it ‘a friend’, then followed it up with a photo of some cheese crumbs he left for it after it had scurried away.

Dan ??? No phil, not friend! Call the exterminator!!

Phil :( I dont murder my friends

Dan You’re gonna end up with a rat baby infestation

Phil :) Many friend!

Phil heard the distinct sound of a door opening outside, and then a voice called: “Rodents are not friends!”

Phil giggled to himself, and finished preparing his lunch. He left some breadcrumbs out for Susan (the mouse), obviously.

On Sunday, at around eight in the evening, Dan texted him a photo. Eager, and a little nervous to see what it might be, Phil almost dropped his phone in the bath in which he was sat as he unlocked it, but managed to hang on somehow.

The photo was of what appeared to be Dan’s laptop. It was nestled in the dark grey plaid covers of a bed, as though the person taking the photo were lying under them as they browsed. Netflix was open on the screen, paused on an episode of Stranger Things. This was exciting to Phil, who didn’t have anyone else in his life that he could discuss the show with.

He was about to text Dan back asking his opinions, but stopped, the other tab open on Dan’s browser catching his eye. He squinted at it, sure he must have misread, and then snorted, sitting up a little.

Phil Bee movie yaoi?

Dan Whoops. Forgot to close my tab (:

Phil tilted his head back, wetting the back of his skull as he laughed.

Phil Np, i’ll send u some links so u dont have to browse google like an animal

Dan My hero

Phil Btw i have at least a hundred stranger things questions to ask u

Dan Haha i knew you’d like tht show. Ask away.

Phil Meet on the balcony in ten?

Dan Make it eleven ;)

Over the next couple of weeks, they texted a lot. As promised, Phil sent at least two photos per day, and Dan would always reply in kind.

Dan tended to text photos of the plants on Phil’s balcony, informing him of ‘exciting updates’ such as the sunflowers budding, or the cherry tomatoes being plucked from their stems by a curious crow. In contrast, Phil usually sent Dan photos of the experiment he was working on, as that was almost always the most interesting thing about his day. The plants Phil grew in his lab were even more colourful and exotic than anything fighting against the London autumnal air on his balcony, so Dan drank up every photo with an enthusiasm that Phil couldn’t get used to.

No matter how mundane the subject of the image seemed to Phil, who literally stared at it all day long, Dan never failed to be completely awestruck. He’d send long, rambling responses filled with :o emojis, detailing his thoughts about the intricate patterns and composition of the floral arrangements.

Dan Superb juxtaposition of the heather against the pansies wow. That violet and lilac action is arousing me big time :o

Phil laughed and went along with it each time, choosing not to mention that he almost never considered the aesthetics of the experiment before setting it up. He was gladthat Dan managed to glean some delight from his random spray of various botanical projects.

One Friday, PJ wandered over to Phil’s bench, as he often did when he was bored of whatever experiment he was currently working on, and began poking around with Phil’s orbs and vials.

“Can I help you?” Phil asked him, trying to concentrate on filling in his 12pm report on the pansies he was currently nursing.

“I’m bored.” PJ sighed, tapping on the glass of the pansy enclosure.

Phil looked up, irritated, and batted his hand away. “Do some work, then.”

“It’s lunchtime.” PJ told him, perking up a little. “Come get some lunch with me.”

Phil shook his head distractedly, squinting at the pansies. “Can’t. Busy.”

PJ groaned, head tipping backwards. “You’re always busy. You shouldn’t work through lunch.”

“But the pansies-”

“The pansies can fucking wait, Phil.” PJ interrupted, seizing Phil’s wrist so fast that he dropped the pen he was holding.

“Wait!” Phil exclaimed as he was yanked from his stool. “They need monitoring!”

PJ sighed in frustration, reaching across Phil’s workbench to switch on the small camera he’d set up so that the experiments could be recorded overnight.

“There!” PJ said, hauling Phil across the lab towards the door. “Now nothing will be missed. Come on, food time.”

Resigned to PJ’s stubborn attitude, Phil sighed, letting himself be taken.

They found a Starbucks nearby, and admittedly, Phil was grateful for the sugary coffee he was able to sit down with, along with the plush, comfortable sofa. Perhaps Dan had been right when he’d mentioned the lab stools must be uncomfortable. Phil’s butt had never felt more taken care of, suddenly.

“What’s up with you?” PJ asked, breaking through Phil’s thoughts.

He realised, with moderate embarrassment, that he’d been silently stirring his caramel macchiato, smiling dazedly, for around a minute now while PJ stared.

He composed himself quickly, lifting the coffee to his lips. “Sorry. I think I’m just tired today.”

PJ regarded him with a squint. “No, that’s not it.”

Phil shrugged, feeling himself blush without knowing why. He opened his mouth to deny knowledge of what PJ was talking about, but at that second, his phone pinged.

He dived for it eagerly, feeling his heart do a little stutter.

Dan Kill me pls

Phil Sure. I’ll chuck a grenade through your balcony window after work :)

Dan Nope that’s too far away come now

Phil Why so eager for death today?

“Who’re you texting, Phil?

PJ’s voice had a knowing, amused lilt to it. Phil glanced up at him, catching his eye. He put his phone down, blushing harder.

“Nobody.” He answered, retrieving his coffee. “I mean, my neighbour.”

“Your neighbour?”

Phil nodded, mind racing to think of a way to change the subject. His phone pinged again, and Phil forced himself to leave it unanswered on the table.

“You just moved, right?” PJ asked, an air of suspicion flavouring his expression.

“Yeah.”

“So you’ve got a new neighbour,” PJ said, nodding. He sipped some of his coffee. “A cute neighbour?”

Phil spluttered, trying to give the impression that he found the question absurd; unfortunately, his crimson cheeks were answering to the contrary.

“He’s just…” Phil floundered. “He lives across from me. Our balconies face each other. And he’s, y’know, nice. We’re friends.”

His phone pinged a second time, and Phil gnawed his lip, glancing at it. He flexed his fingers at his side, trying to resist the urge to look at it.

PJ laughed at him, picking up his sandwich. “You’re so transparent, Phil.”

Phil sent him a withering look, reaching for his phone again. He’d resisted long enough.

Dan My dad’s here.

Phil’s heart sank. That was not good news.

Over time, Phil had been able to drag a few more bits of information out of Dan about his mysterious father. From what he could gather of the situation, Dan’s Dad was the owner of the flat, and was letting Dan live there on his own. Whilst this seemed like a nice, generous offer on the surface, Phil was getting the picture that it came with a huge pile of guilt-tripping, angry ‘what are you doing with your life’ lectures, unexpected drop-ins, and a lot of general unpleasantness.

Dan was depressed. He’d mentioned it a few times, and from the sounds of things, it was pretty bad. Phil felt for him, and tried to be as much of a calm, happy presence in his life as he could, as that’s what Dan needed.

He definitely did not need constant shouting matches with what sounded like a misinformed, aggressive father who seemed to care more about forcing Dan to make money by any means possible than actually getting him the help he needed.

Dan Can you send me flower photos I am struggling

Phil Im at lunch with my coworker atm I will as soon as I get back x

Dan :( ok ty x

The sympathy slicing through Phil’s core must have been evident in his face, because when Phil placed his phone down, PJ looked concerned.

“Everything ok?”

Phil sighed. “Not really. My neighbour - Dan - he’s going through a rough time.”

“Oh,” PJ said, swallowing a bite of his sandwich. “Sorry mate. That sucks.”

Phil shrugged, sipping more caramelly coffee. “I wish I could think of something to cheer him up, y’know?”

PJ nodded, head tilting thoughtfully. “Well, what makes him happy?”

Phil considered this, frowning.

“I text him photos of pretty plants.” Phil said, shrugging. “I think that makes him happy. But I’m already doing that.”

“Maybe you could give him a plant.” PJ suggested. “Didn’t you say you just set up a whole garden on your balcony?”

“I thought about that once.” Phil admitted, wondering if he should let on quite how often he thinks about Dan, and all the things he could do for Dan, and what Dan’s doing at any point in the day. “But he told me a while ago that he’d never be able to look after a plant of his own. He said he would love it, and he wouldn't mean to, but he'd let it die, and it would only make him sadder”

Phil hated to agree with him on this, but as an expert in the area, he was pretty sure Dan was right. The guy never even opened his curtains to let light into his flat. Granted, Phil hasn’t really seen inside, but he’d bet that Dan’s apartment was not exactly a houseplant-friendly environment.

PJ snorted with laughter unexpectedly. Phil stared at him in surprise.

“What?”

“It’s just funny.” PJ said, draining the last of his americano.

“What’s funny?”

“Kismet.” PJ said, smiling, “You’re shaped for one another.”

“What are you on about, Peej?” Phil asked, perplexed.

PJ sighed, rolling his eyes. “So we’ve got him, having this inhospitable environment, but still wishing he could have a plant of his own, right?”

“Uh huh...”

“And then we have you, perhaps the only person in the world researching around how to keep plants thriving in adverse conditions.”

“Right, I suppose-”

PJ made a sweeping gesture with his hand to highlight his incredulity. “And you just decided to move in opposite him, almost on a whim? I mean, did he wish on a star for you, or something?”

“Well...” Phil protested, feeling a rush of fizzy, embarrassed unsurety pouring over him. “I mean, I wouldn’t say anything so dramatic-”

PJ raised an eyebrow. “Phil, look me in the eye and tell me you hold the perfect solution to this problem.”

Phil blushed, shrugging. He didn’t manage to meet PJ’s eye. PJ laughed the whole walk back to the lab.

So, for two days, Phil worked on the conundrum of how to give Dan a plant despite the fact he’d almost certainly neglect it.

After two trips to the lab, along with a weekend’s worth of tinkering, Phil finally had something he felt would work. On Sunday evening, he walked out onto his balcony, heart racing with nerves. His chilli plant had started to produce some small, still-green chillis, so he plucked one off, and threw it at Dan’s glass doors.

It took a minute or so, but eventually, a light flicked on inside, and then Dan’s face poked around the curtain. Upon seeing Phil, Dan unlocked the doors immediately, stepping out into the frigid air.

He had on nothing but boxers and a baggy white jumper, which Phil was not expecting. He blushed at the sight of Dan’s bare, shapely legs. He had thick, lovely thighs that Phil couldn’t help imagining beneath his hands. How would that pale, sparsely haired skin look covered in bite marks and bruises, he wondered?

He dragged his eyes away, mortified by how quickly his mind had descended into the gutter. He was thankful that the darkness was probably hiding the redness of his cheeks.

“Where’ve you been, then?” Dan asked, carefully picking his way over to the railing. He had no shoes on, just some grey socks.

Dan’s arms wrapped around his middle, the sleeves covering his hands. As he got closer, Phil could hear the telltale sound of his teeth chattering.

“Sorry,” Phil said, meaning it sincerely. “I was busy with something.”

“All weekend?” Dan asked.

He sounded annoyed; Phil felt a little blindsided by it.

“Um, yeah,” Phil said apologetically. “It took longer than expected.”

“You didn’t even answer my texts.”

Now, Dan just sounded miserable. There was something awkward about him, about the way he moved and spoke, like they’d travelled back in time to the first night they met.

It was only as he noticed this distinct difference in Dan’s behaviour that Phil realised how much more comfortable Dan had become around him. He rarely ever smoked weed anymore either, and though Phil hadn’t thought much about it before now, it suddenly occurred to him that maybe this was because Dan no longer felt the need for narcotics in order to relax out here.

“Sorry,” Phil said again, wincing as his epiphany dawned. “I don’t know where my phone is, to be honest. I’ve been pretty wrapped up in… something.”

Dan sighed, winding his arms around his waist a little tighter. He looked so forlorn all of a sudden, as though he’d shrunk two sizes. He had his head turned away a bit, but there was a glisten in his eye where the moonlight caught it.

Dan sniffed once, scrubbing briefly at his nose. “‘S cool.”

“Dan… I didn’t-”

“Forget it.” Dan said quickly, wiping at his eye. “It was stupid of me, anyway.”

“What was?”

Dan shrugged, and Phil felt a familiar well of despair rising within his chest. “Please tell me.”

Dan sighed, glancing at Phil once before dragging his eyes away. He brought his fingers to his mouth, chewing the nails. He didn’t seem to notice or care that they were all bitten back to their beds.

“Look, Phil…” Dan began, shoulders tensing. “I’m not a good choice for a friend.”

Phil frowned, disliking that comment immensely. “Well, that’s not for you to say. And I disagree, anyway.”

Dan snorted, shaking his head. “No, I’m serious. I’m… broken. Messed up, whatever you want to call it.”

“I don’t think that about you.”

“It’s not a matter of opinion.” Dan told him, bitterly. “I’ve had doctors write it into their reports. I’ve had psychiatrists ‘diagnose’ me a hundred times over. I have a cupboard full of happy pills and calm pills and stabilising pills. I’m a huge fucking mess of depression and anxiety and abandonment issues and self-destructive tendencies.”

Phil listened intently, hating that Dan had such a low opinion of himself, but also not wanting to interrupt him while he was venting. He wished he could draw Dan into a hug, but alas - the void between them was too literal for something like that.

“I get clingy.” Dan said, sounding embarrassed. “I don’t mean to. But I’m really fucking lonely, Phil, and I don’t get many people willing to… put up with me.”

“I’ll put up with you.” Phil told him gently, offering a kind smile.

Dan looked up at him, a tortured look in his eyes. “I know you want to. That’s kind of the problem.”

Phil frowned. “I don’t understand.”

“You’re really sweet for… trying to be my friend.” Dan told him slowly, his eyes getting all glisteny again. “Getting a text from you can honestly lift me out of a dark place. And when I see you out here, and I get to talk to you, even for a little while… it keeps me going sometimes. But I’m getting too dependent on it. It’s gotten to the point where my whole day revolves around talking to you, because it’s pretty much the only thing that makes me happy.”

Phil didn’t know what to say. Something bubbly and light shimmered through his body, as if Dan had injected sweet, fruity champagne straight into his bloodstream. These things that Dan was saying seemed so lovely; Phil couldn’t be prouder that he, somehow, had managed to be a light in Dan’s darkness just by… existing.

But there was something wrong, too. A fly in the flute of sparkling wine, spoiling it. Dan still looked so miserable, and Phil didn’t understand why.

“This weekend was… rough.” Dan told him, chewing another nail. “And when I couldn’t talk to you… couldn’t even get hold of you...”

Dan shook his head, and Phil’s heart sank to his knees. “Oh, God, Dan I’m sorry. I didn’t know-”

“No,” Dan interrupted. “Don’t be sorry. That’s what I’m saying. It’s not your responsibility to keep my spirits up. That’s not fair on you. I mean, we barely know each other. I’ve never even seen you anywhere but here.”

“We could-”

Dan shook his head, silencing Phil at once. “Just forget about me. Delete me from your phone, stop sending me cute selfies and pictures of pretty flowers. Let’s just go back to the start, right? I’m your weird recluse neighbour. You’re the cute guy I stare at through my curtains sometimes and wish I could talk to. Nothing else.”

Phil couldn’t believe what he was hearing. How had this conversation veered so dramatically downwards, and so fast? He struggled for words, trying to imagine what he might be able to say to change Dan’s mind.

“But… I like you.” Phil said eventually, sounding pathetic even to himself.

Dan smiled sadly at him. “Trust me, that wouldn’t have lasted long.”

Phil considered clambering up on his railing, attempting to leap across to Dan’s balcony in order to beg him to reconsider. Instead, his fear seized him in a paralysis, and he could only watch, helpless, as Dan edged away from the railing, gave Phil one last sad smile, and slipped back inside.

The sad piano music continued for three days straight. Phil thought hard about purchasing some earplugs, but he never did.

It might have been preventing him from getting enough sleep, and maybe his pansies suffered as a result - but the music was pretty. Besides, it was almost the only thing of Dan he had left, at that point.

Phil I accidentally murdered my pansies today :(

Phil I think they miss me taking photos of them to send to you. They’re camera whores.

Phil *They WERE camera whores. RIP.

This number cannot be reached any longer.

“So you never even got to give him his present?” PJ asked.

Phil shook his head glumly, staring at the gift in his hands.

“That’s too bad.” PJ told him, sounding sympathetic. “He would have really loved that.”

“How do you know?”

"Come on, Phil. You know it too.”

Are you sure you wish to purchase Retractable Ladder for £29.99?

Phil had been staring at this question for around thirty minutes. He sighed, took a sip of his beer, and pressed ‘yes’.

Oh well, Dan could hate him forever if he wanted. At least he would have tried.

Dan’s Saturday started pretty typically.

He woke up at twelve. He lay motionless in bed until one. Hunger forced him into the kitchen, where he made himself a nutritious breakfast of Liquorice Allsorts, the end of an almost stale baguette, and a handful of Coco Pops.

(He had always hated Liquorice Allsorts, and the taste lingered on his tongue, making him feel queasy.)

He scrolled through Tumblr for another hour, then dragged his exhausted body into the shower. He stayed in there far too long under the pleasant, warm drizzle, oblivious to the fact that while the water cascaded over his body, his ‘typical’ Saturday veered into unknown waters.

Dan stepped out of the shower and immediately put back on the same clothes he’d been wearing all day. Harem pants with a low swinging crotch, and a dark grey cotton tee in possibly the softest material known to man.

He was on his way back towards the bed, which was exactly as messy as he’d left it, when he noticed something moving on his balcony.

Sure it must be a burglar, Dan’s heart stopped, and he froze in alarm. He tried to remember where his phone was, and eventually concluded he must have left it in the bathroom. Not that he’d know who to call.

He’d really prefer not to ring his father for assistance, as that’d be too humiliating. He could hear his Dad’s voice now:

‘Can’t even drag your sorry ass out of bed to shoo off a fucking burglar! What kind of man can’t defend his own home, Dan?!’

Dan grimaced, shoving the voice into the back of his mind, as ever.

He crept forwards, wondering if perhaps he could alert Phil to the presence of an intruder somehow; his doors were always open, after all. But then, of course, Phil hadn’t spoken to him since…

‘Since you told him to fuck off, pretty much.’ Dan’s Dad’s voice supplies helpfully. ‘Way to go yet again, son. Another win. Scaring off the one decent, intelligent friend you’ve made in years.’

“Shut up,” Dan hissed to nobody.

He could still barely see anything through the slit between his curtains, but there was definite movement out there.

Feeling like he might faint from anxiety, Dan grabbed the nearest object he could see (a book of sheet music) and inched towards the doors. He hovered behind them, hidden by his curtains, feeling sick with nerves.

‘Stop being such a pussy, Daniel!’

“Fuck off, Dad.”

After five minutes of dithering, Dan realised that he’d just have to go for it. His phone was nowhere to be seen, and there was nobody coming to help. If he didn’t do something, he’d be the sad, sorry victim of a home invasion, having to explain to police that - mortifyingly - he’d been ‘too depressed’ to defend himself.

Taking an enormous breath in, Dan ripped open the curtains, pulled the double doors open, and raised the book high above his head. He tried to appear menacing and angry, gritting his teeth as he stepped out towards what was surely about to be his demise.

“Oh, crap!”

“Get the fuck off my-” Dan stopped mid-sentence, trying to register the sight before his eyes. “Phil?”

“Yes, Dan, it’s just me- please don’t hit me with that.”

Dan blinked at him, uncomprehending, and then remembered the large book in his hands. Slowly, he lowered the object, and Phil relaxed a little.

“You’re on my balcony.” Dan said, completely bemused.

This was weird. It felt like a dream, having Phil this close. There had always been an unbridgeable gap between them, slicing their lives apart. It’d always seemed like the space between their balconies was unbridgeable.

But Phil was stood right there, tangible and present in his thick-rimmed black glasses and bright yellow hoodie. It had the face of Jake from Adventure Time in the centre, Dan noticed, sort of wanting to smile.

“Um, yeah. I know it’s weird.” Phil said after a moment. “Sorry?”

“...How?”

Phil grimaced, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. “Um, the uh… the ladder.”

He pointed to the railing of the balcony, on top of which, Dan noticed, a ladder was resting, somewhat precariously. It stretched across from Phil’s balcony, over the enormous drop, to Dan’s.

Dan stared at it, his mouth falling open. “Don’t tell me you climbed across.”

Phil swallowed, neither confirming nor denying.

A silence fell between them; Dan genuinely could not think of a word to say.

“I know you don’t want to see me anymore.” Phil said, sounding pained. Dan shut his eyes, feeling the hurt little voice slice straight through his heart. “But I made you this. I thought it might… be nice to have it around. I dunno. I was just… trying to help.”

Dan frowned in confusion. “What’re you on about?”

Phil gestured to a space above Dan’s head. Perplexed, Dan tilted his head upwards, and gasped.

Above him, suspended by thin silver chains attached to a jutting piece of wood in the building wall, was an orb. It looked just like the ones Phil used to send him photos of, back when he still did that.

It was bigger than Dan’s head, and beautiful inside and out. Inside, a layer of rich, dark soil coated the very bottom, above which a layer of duck egg blue pebbles rested, peppered with pieces of coloured sea glass.

Flowers, the likes of which Dan had never seen, pushed up from these layers, extending tall and bright, winding around each other. Their hues ranged from ultraviolet to soft, powder blue, with hints of lime and forest greens here and there. Other plants had been included in the array, and Dan recognised some that he’d expressed his particular fondness for when Phil had shown him photos.

Ferns.

Rosemary.

Thistles.

Heather.

The sight of this beautiful orb began to blur, the colours blending together. At first, Dan wasn’t certain why, and then he realised his eyes were stinging with tears. He blinked, letting them fall down his cheeks without caring; he never wanted to look away.

“Phil…”

“You said you wanted a terrarium once,” Phil explained quickly, sounding a little embarrassed. “I know you think you can’t keep a plant alive, but this is one I’ve made for you, a self-regulating one, like my experiments, so you don’t even need to do anything.”

Phil moved a little, coming into Dan’s line of sight as he reached up to spin the orb around slowly, gazing inside with a satisfied smile.

“It’s only just been planted, so some of the plants aren’t quite at their best yet, but they’ll grow I swear, and-”

Dan’s body moved faster than his mind. He’d never have described himself as a spontaneous person, but he felt as though the last few minutes on this balcony had knocked him so far off orbit that his mind might have rewired itself entirely.

He stumbled forwards, careful not to knock the orb, and fell against Phil’s chest. His arms wound around Phil’s waist, and he gazed straight up into Phil’s round, surprised doe eyes.

Dan had never considered that he’d be so warm.

He felt like standing next to a flickering, marshmallow-melting fire on a deserted beach in the evening at summertime. He felt like a bright, exuberant sun, shedding light on all his mesmerising plants and flowers, encouraging them to bloom and grow.

Before Dan could stop himself, he leant in, his lips pushing into Phil’s despite every inch of his anxiety-soaked brain screaming at him that it was a bad idea.

Phil’s response was instant, and eager, but in the millisecond before, Dan felt a lifetime slip by, horrified by the surety he was about to face rejection.

Instead, Phil kissed him deeply, longingly, like he’d been starved of it for years. Like he’d been waiting for the chance to climb across the gap between them in a death-defying circus stunt and press himself against Dan since the day he moved in.

“Thank you,” Dan whispered against Phil’s lips, his arms tightening around Phil’s waist. “Thank you. I don’t know what to say.”

Phil leaned away a little, brushing the curls out of Dan’s eyes with a gentle, soft caress. Dan leaned into his touch, his eyes fluttering.

Phil’s eyes are so, astonishingly blue. He couldn’t tell, when there was still a chasm between them.

“I know it doesn’t make everything better.” Phil said. “I know you’re in pain, and that you don’t want me to see it or deal with it. But there’s a problem.”

“A problem?” Dan asked, feeling dazed.

He was very glad, suddenly, that Phil’s arms were wrapped around him too.

“Mhm,” Phil acknowledged, leaning in again. He pressed a soft, chaste kiss to Dan’s mouth, and Dan felt his knees weaken. “The problem is, I think I’m in love with you.”

Dan’s eyes flick open, astonished. “What? Phil, you don’t know me. I know I have rare, sweet flirty conversations with you, but most of the time I’m moody and sad and pathetic-”

Phil kissed him again, presumably to shut him up. “I don’t care. I don’t want to spend every day staring at your empty balcony anymore, wishing and waiting for you to emerge so I can spend a stolen moment with you.”

“But-”

“I want all of you, Dan.” Phil continued. “Every bit. Good and bad. I want to try and make you happy, and I want to hold you when you can’t be.”

A tear dripped off Dan’s chin, landing at his feet. “I think I must’ve dreamed you.”

Phil hummed happily, reaching up to brush the moisture from under Dan’s eyes. “Call it kismet, maybe.”

Dan laughed, dizzy with euphoria. Belatedly, a stray thought brushes into his mind.

“Wait, did you crawl across that ladder holding the terrarium?”

“Look, okay... you blocked my number, you wouldn’t see me-”

“Phil?”

“...Yeah?”

“I think I love you too.”

#phan #phanfic #oneshot #phan au #fluff #friends to lovers #sweet #getting together #pining #mutual pining #first kiss #drug use #recreational drug use #depression #weed #terrariums #balconies

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shiirakis · 7 years ago

Text

Royally Spellbound (1/2) || KageTsuki

Lmao it’s been a hot minute since I posted anything, 7 months to be exact lol rip me. This was supposed to be for the HQ Writer Zine but I dropped it when I realised it was getting too long lmao and now after months of not writing, I’m forcing my procrastinating ass to finish it.

AO3

The crown sits heavy upon his head, weighing him down but he knows not to slouch, to keep his gaze up and ahead, to continue his father’s legacy with the same fervour and determination.

Kageyama Tobio is fifteen when his father passes on.

The funeral is far too grandeur for his tastes, almost to the point of disrespectful to him at least. He finds that he can’t properly mourn over the loss of his father but he supposes it is all part and parcel of being in the public eye. There’ll always be time alone later.

Kageyama Tobio is fifteen when he succeeds the throne.

The intense scrutiny he is under does not faze him for he knows he’ll have to work for their respect. There are expectations to meet and responsibilities to fulfil so he steels his shoulders and stands tall just like his father would. There’s no time for weakness now.

Kageyama Tobio is fifteen when he realises it’s the end of his childhood with the weight of the kingdom resting on frail shoulders.

His trips to the stables becomes far more infrequent, his classes growing more intense under the tutelage of his father’s most trusted advisor. He hates it. It hurts his head to study politics and diplomacy but it’s not a choice he can make and his advisor knows that.

“Your Majesty, please return your attention to the text in question.” Sugawara is patient, more so when it comes to Tobio. He has watched the young king grow and he’ll continue to do so for as long as he can. “Tobio… I know it has been a long day but do bear with me for another hour at least.”

“Hinata’s taking good care of the horses…” Tobio doesn’t turn his gaze away from the window, watching the stable boy prance around with the horses and he wishes he could be there too. He could be there, practicing horseback archery just like how his father taught him. He could be there, messing around with Hinata who’s all smiles and joy.

But he can’t.

Sugawara ruffles Tobio’s dark hair, smiling at the sparkle in his eyes. His passion for horse-riding hasn’t diminished the least and it pains Sugawara to take it away from him, even if he shakes his head and tells Sugawara that it’s fine. “I doubt you’re in the mood for more studying so come on, there’s something important I need to show you… It has something to do with your father.”

Tobio whips his head round so fast at the mentioning of his father that it draws out a chuckle from Sugawara but he immediately sobers up and softly exhales. He thinks it’s too early for Tobio to know but there’s no telling when trouble could arise that might catch them unaware.

“What is it? Is it a secret?” Tobio curiously tilts his head, puzzled by the apprehensiveness in his tutor’s features. He doesn’t pry further when Sugawara responds with a quiet sigh and turns to leave, beckoning for Tobio to follow close.

They head to a part of the castle where Tobio hasn’t explored before. The hallways are darker, shadowed by the overhanging trees and he wonders if the chill he’s feeling is attributed to it. He has always been advised to avoid that particular section of the castle because of the dense forest that looms beyond the grounds. Past the flight of stairs, they finally arrive at a door that seemed like any other. It was nothing out of the ordinary; just a wooden door that’s aged with time and hanging on creaky hinges, but past it laid nothing like what Tobio expected.

He’s transfixed by the soft glow of the room, rows of potted herbs and flowers neatly lining the windowsills and the floor, shelves filled with books from edge to edge. While the forest behind blocked out most of the much needed sunlight, there were strange orbs of light floating round and it was enough to brighten the room.

“Kei,” Sugawara places a gentle hand on Tobio’s back for him to take a step forward. “This is—”

“Kageyama Tobio, the new king. Yeah, I got the message.”

Tobio’s never felt quite so irked by anyone before. Perhaps just the slightest in the beginning by Hinata but the mocking tone and the awful smug smirk the other boy had was grating on his nerves. “Who is he?”

“Your father…” Sugawara trails off for a moment, collecting his thoughts and the appropriate words to use. He needed to convey this delicately. No matter the status, Tobio is still a child after all—

“Your father uses my services to indirectly get rid of people he doesn’t like.”

“Kei!” Sugawara is aghast by the frankness that Kei exhibits in front of the young king, though he’s not surprised. Kei was never one to sugarcoat his words.

“I don’t see the point of fluffing it up just to make his father’s actions sound more appealing.” Kei gives a shrug and resumes trimming his plants. Those words did not sit well with Tobio though, who had no qualms in reaching for Kei and yanking him by the front of his shirt.

“My father was a good man! You don’t know anything!”

“Hah, isn’t it you that’s in the dark about everything?—”

“Silence!”

“Well your ‘good’ father hired me to plant curses on people!” Kei braces himself when Tobio raises his fist but a stern voice stops him in his tracks.

“Tobio, that’s enough.”

“Is it true? Did my father really do all that?” Tobio’s unyielding gaze bores right through Sugawara who only nods and he hopes that Tobio will eventually understand the turmoil his father had to go through in keeping their kingdom together. “Get this witch out of this castle!”

“We can’t do that Tobio.” Sugawara stops Tobio before he can protest. “We vowed to keep his family safe here for as long as we are around. You know our gardener, Akiteru? You’ve met him many times before haven’t you? He’s Kei’s older brother.”

“I have no intentions of using his services, can’t we just send them away?” His father will always be a good man to Tobio, and that is what will remain as a firm memory, regardless of the things he may have done.

Though as adamant as Tobio was, Sugawara only shakes his head with a solemn sigh. “We can’t just do that, Tobio… I suppose both of you got off to a bad start so perhaps you can start over? Both of you are of the same age! I could let you have a day off from your studies to show Kei your horse-riding skills?”

The counter offer was certainly tempting, and despite his immense dislike for the witch, he wanted no more than to spend time outside than in a stifling environment of a classroom. “As long as he doesn’t get in my way.”

“Lovely! I’ll block out half the day out of your schedule for tomorrow then! But for now, you still need to finish up classes for today so let’s head back, shall we?” Sugawara smiles at the quiet groaning Tobio lets out and discretely hands over a letter to Kei once the young king has stepped out of the room. “He did not forget about you and your family… You have nothing to worry about Kei.”

Kei waits till the door is shut before he breaks off the wax seal on the envelope. The penmanship in the letter is of the old King’s, shaky from illness and old age but nevertheless, written with a confident hand. The letter spoke of things the King had never told Kei in person but Kei had always understood the reasons for the decisions that had to be made and he had always been grateful for the fact that the King took him and his brother in and treated them like regular people.

“My job isn’t over yet I guess.” Kei muses before getting back to work.

Tobio wakes up more refreshed than ever in anticipation of the day ahead, hastily putting on his riding gear before heading down to the stables where Hinata had just finished grooming the horses. “Kageyama!—Uh. I mean uh!… Your Highness? Wait no, your Majesty!”

Tobio flicks Hinata’s forehead when he starts to bow. “Drop the formalities, dumbass. We’re not strangers.”

“Would be great if you were nicer to me now that you’re the king!” Hinata grins as he brings out Tobio’s mare. “Milk misses you a lot!”

“I miss her too—”

“You named your horse, Milk? Wow, that’s some creativity right there. Were you thirsty when you named her?” Tobio has barely begun to brush Milk’s snow white coat when Sugawara arrives with the witch, that condescending smirk still plastered across his face.

Tobio bristles, slowly brushing his horse’s coat as he glares at Kei. Rude, had he no respect? “What I name my horse is none of your business.” Strapping on the saddle, Tobio hops on and gallops off across the field, leaving the others far behind.

“And who might you be huh?! Do you know who you were talking to? He’s the king mind you! The king!!!” Hinata had no idea who the new guy was that came with the advisor but he was already starting to dislike him already.

“Oh my, I barely noticed you standing there, shrimpy. Whoops.”

Perhaps dislike was an understatement.

“Kei… Please control yourself.” Sugawara wonders for a brief moment if he was more of a babysitter rather than an advisor, remembering how he had to step in when Tobio and Hinata used to fight all the time. “Shouyou, this is Kei, one of our… Librarians. He’ll be helping Tobio in his studies so I’m hoping they’ll try and at least get along.”

“I will?”

“You will be helping Tobio, yes.” Sugawara shoots Kei a sharp glare that has him flinching and nodding stiffly. Once Tobio was back and more visibly relaxed, Sugawara clasps his hands with a gasp. “Tobio! Teach Kei how to ride a horse!”

Now this was not Kei’s domain, and while he knew it very well, so did Tobio.

The devious grin did not go unseen to which Kei immediately took a step back, protesting as much as he could but apparently the young king was having none of it. “What? Too scared of getting on a horse?”

“I’m just not interested in getting thrown off by an animal I’ve never been in contact with before.” Kei keeps his arms folded, unyielding even when Sugawara tries to tug him over to Tobio’s horse. “You can’t make me.”

“As your king, I order you to get your ass over here on the horse. Can’t go against that now can you?”

The pleading looks Kei directs to Sugawara is blatantly ignored with a shrug of his shoulders, forcing Kei to comply as he reluctantly trudges over to where the huge beast was. He gently strokes Milk, feeling more relieved when the horse doesn’t seem to react too badly but of course, he really should have known Tobio was up to something.

Barely giving Kei any time to adjust on the saddle, Tobio grins as he pats the horse’s rear. “Go!”

There Kei was, clinging on for his dear life as Milk gallops off, the others watching with dropped jaws and it wasn’t long before Kei’s shrieks grew softer with distance.

“…Tobio.” Exasperation was evident in Sugawara’s tone which Tobio was all too familiar with.

“Yes?”

“Please go get Kei.”

The rush of wind against Kei has him clinging even more desperately than ever until the horse slows to a trot. It takes a moment for Kei to release his grip, only to land on the muddy ground with a muted thud and a drawn out groan.

Tobio is hardly concerned as he makes his way to them and wordlessly leans over Kei who finally opens his eyes when he’s overcasted by a shadow. Even with his glasses askew, the shit-eating grin was crystal clear to Kei. Smug bastard.

“Didn’t realise you weren’t ready. Whoops.” The tone Tobio takes is hardly apologetic and the hand he holds out is nothing but a patronising gesture that Kei wants to swat away, but a better idea comes to mind.

He mutters something too quiet for Tobio to catch and it takes a second for Tobio to find himself yanked face first into the mud by a mysterious vine coiled round his ankle.

The petty revenge is sweet to Kei and he doesn’t hesitate in biting back. “Didn’t think you were this light on your feet. Whoops.”

#kagetsuki #kagetsukki #kageyama tobio #tsukishima kei #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuuwriters #hqfanfic #toki scribbles

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