#i can't separate myself from all the things you've done to me / i can't stand to wait for help / your love has got me on my knees

[whatareyoudoingwithamaserati]

New killstation EP goes crazy fucking hard (huge fan of Evasion in particular and how it takes the classic killstation sound and then improves on it) but the fact???? That it has a song called devotion on it??? And the lyrics work for devotion duo???? Guys I can be so normal about this guys please

[ludwigplayingthetrombone]

Post war/coma comic about Gai struggling with his recovery

Since tumblr hates long form comics, I have to split this into 2 bc its 36 images. This is the first part, part 2 i'll either do as a reblog or a separate post right after this, stay tuned! Links to support me in pinned post <3

tw: s*icidal thoughts, injury, a little blood

Bisuke: Gai's Back!

Gai: GRAAH!

Kks: Im home Gai: Welcome back Kks: [wheels rolling] Hey,

Kks: Ga-!? Gai: Im fine. The tile is cool on my face. Kks: Wanna go lay down in bed? Gai: I am so /sick/ of lying down. Kks: Ok. What do you want for supper?

Gai: You're not going to comment? Kks: I already know what happened. You overdid it again. I should be able to keep up with chores, kakashi. Kks: You can. Just don' bull through it all in one go. Do you want to end up in the hospital again? Gai: Please don't. Kks: I know sitting still is hard for you, and "too much" is in your DNA, but you have to take this slow so you don't exacerbate your injuries, Gai. You went from hyper-aware to pretending your body limits dont exist. Gai: Like you haven't done the same.

Gai: You've proved your point. Kks: It's not about that. And you've dragged me to bed and out of bed repeatedly when I needed it. You were burning alive from the inside. Tsunade told you your immune system is out of whack. You need to take it easy. /I/ know you're capable, but are you trying to prove to /yourself/ you are? Gai: You want me to admit my embarrassment? Kks: If something serioud happens, You'll be even more embarrassed then

Gai: How could you possibly know how I FEEL?! How could you EVER KNOW HOW I FEEL?! Kks: I DON'T! But I've /been/ the one ouking and sobbing on your bathroom floor because I couldn't take living anymore! And I don't want that for YOU!

Kks: I'm sorry, Gai. Gai: I'm sorry

Kks: I can't stand knowing you're in pain, and I can't get you help. If there was a way, I'd do anything. Gai: You do so much to help me already.... And I yelled at you Kks: I've screamed at you so much, that was pretty tame. I wish I was like you with things like this. Not great with what to say...... But I can listen.

Gai: I hate feeling so weak. I'm tired all the time, in constant pain, I can't even walk-..... I can tell tenten and the boys worry despite my efforts to appear positive. Kks: They're just not sure how to react. They know you hate being babied, but don't want to push you into hurting yourself. You hate being told you can't do something. They love you. You get stronger everyday, everyone is cheering you on.

Gai: I know it's irrational, but... I feel like you gave up the Hokage position to take care of me. Kks: Haa!? I'm grateful if anything. I'd be retired too if I could. That'd be amazing. I'm dreading just helping Tsunade but as long as you're by my side, I'll be fine. We're still equals, rivals, friends, partners

Gai: Even if I can't- Kks: /Always/ wil be, dickhead. Gai: You worry about me hurting myself? Kks: I know you think about it

Kks: We're the same in that regard Gai: I would never act on this, please believe me, these thoughts are rare........... Kks: It's ok, Gai. Gai: Sometimes I think i should have just died. I feel so out of place on the streets I used to feel so at home at. I never asked to live. I didn't plan to. I just don't know how to-...

Kks: I understand that. Though, dying didn't feel any better. Gai: I know I didn't fully pass like you did. I didn't see papa. Just for a moment, I wish I could have seen him.

Kks: As much as I'm sure he wants to see you again, It's too soon. Dai'd slap the shit out of you for wanting to waste your youth just to see him. Gai: [chuckle] probably. Kks: I have those thoughts less and less now, but they're still there. "why am I the one who survives?" "Burden" "Gai will come to his senses eventually"

Gai: FALSE!! None of my grief is with you! I love living here with you! My love for you only burns hotter each day! You're so lovely inside and out! Kks: Maa What did I do to deserve such praise from teh mouth of the hottest man in Konoha?? Gai: YOU STILL THINK I'M HOT?! Kks: YOU-! [CACKLE]

Kks: Your bad taste is the only reason I had a chance before someone snatched you up. Gai: The worst. Kks: Thought we'd irritate eachother, but it's been pretty smooth. Even though you still get played by the dogs. Gai: You really wanna throw those stones?

Gai: They play you just as easily. don't lie. Kks: My point is, whatever you need from me, you have it. No questions asked. Even if you yell and scream, i can take it. You held me together when I was unraveling, and I'll never forget it. Didn't trust anyone else to see me like that. Broken

Gai: I never saw you as that. Kks: I'll never see you as that

[strangersteddierthings]

Jealousy Looks Different On You

[Part One] ✨ [Part Two] ✨ [Part Three] ✨ [You Are Here]

Steve was a romantic, once upon a time. Twenty-year-old Steve would have swooned at Eddie's words, at the idea that love is enough. However, Steve is not twenty anymore. Steve is thirty-one with a string of failed relationships. He's always been one to fall hard and fall fast and if love truly was enough, Steve would have made it work by now.

Because he loves Eddie, but it's not like he's only loved Eddie. It's not like Steve's been living a celibate life full of longing and pining and sorrow. He'd loved Nancy, back in high school. Candy, his first girlfriend here in Chicago, had his heart for eight months before she moved away; they'd even debated long distance but, in the end, knew it wouldn't work. Sarah, Mary, Savannah; after coming out there was Mark and Dylan. All of whom he loved while still loving Eddie.

What was the point in pining after someone who didn't want him back?

He'd even had a long-term boyfriend, Brian, for two years that Steve thought would be forever, until the breakup he never saw coming. Because Steve never saw them coming. He was in love. Why would he look for signs that his relationship was ending?

"Eddie, I can't. If we don't work out- I can keep going as we are. You're one of my best friends. I know how to manage, it's- we'll be good as we are," Steve says, finally ending his pacing by dropping back onto his spot on the couch.

"I can't," Eddie says, words uncharacteristically soft and quiet.

"What?" Steve asks, voice laced with hurt and confusion, feeling like ice has been poured down his back. What does Eddie mean he can't? Can't what? He braves a look at Eddie to find he looks devastated, eyes wet and his pouty lips downturned.

"I can't," Eddie repeats and it's his turn to stand from the couch, to pace the living room that was once his too. "I- Jesus Christ Steve, you've had fucking, what, years? To accept that- years of thinking we'd never be together. All this time thinking I knew but didn't want you back.

"I didn't get that. I had, fucking hell, I never let myself accept that you might actually want me back. I haven't- I can't learn that we might have a chance and just not take it. How can you ask that of me? You're all I've fucking wanted for-forever, and I can't- I don't- Why didn't you ever ask me if I was interested in you?" Eddie's voice cracks on the last sentence.

And Steve should probably feel bad for Eddie, should understand what he's feeling, but all he feels is angry. It hits quick and fast, and all feelings of ice are gone. "Ask you? Ask you!? Why the fuck would I have done that when you've never, not once since I've known you, hesitated to go after who you want!? You don't hesitate to grab someone and drag them to the dance floor at the bar, you don't hesitate to ask for what you want, don't hesitate to go on and on about all the things you want in a partner; a list, by the way, that I don't fulfill. A list I'll never live up to!"

Steve doesn't remember doing it, but at some point in his rant he's stood again. The coffee table separates them as Steve yells out his frustrations. He doesn't want to be yelling at Eddie, though. The alternative is to cry, and Steve feels his throat grow thick as he finishes in a quieter tone, "You-You throw yourself at everyone who isn't me. Use me to make them jealous so they'll make the first move. How was I supposed to ask you if you'd ever want me when you made it- made it seem like you never would?"

"I- I was trying to make someone jealous enough to make the first move, but it wasn't- fuck, Steve, it wasn't them."

Steve sniffles, trying to will himself to not fully cry, "if that didn't work the first time, why did you think it would work any of the other times?"

"It's not- I wasn't ever expecting it to work. I just- I don't even know what I was thinking, much less expecting. But Steve, please, please believe me. I want to be with you. Please, give me, us, a chance," Eddie begs.

Jesus Christ. How often has Steve daydreamed about this? About Eddie showing up and confessing and begging Steve to give him a chance? A pathetic amount, surely, yet Steve can't bring himself to follow the script of his daydream. In the dream, Steve accepts; pulls Eddie into a kiss that makes them both dizzy.

This isn't a daydream, though. This is his life, real life, and Steve has things he won't compromise on now.

"Eddie, I... I want to. I used to dream that we'd get a chance, but I, I have other dreams, too. Ones I'm not willing to give up. Not even for you."

"I'm in," Eddie jumps to say, "whatever you want, whatever your dreams, they'll be mine, too."

Fuck, Eddie's not making this easy, is he? Steve wishes he could believe him. Steve wants to believe him. "I want to buy a house in a small town, or on the outskirt of a bigger city. With a yard, for a puppy."

Eddie is nodding quickly because these demands are easy to agree to. It's the last bit that Steve's not sure Eddie wants.

"The house has to be at least four bedrooms. Because I want to be a dad. I want kids."

Eddie doesn't nod to that, which Steve was expecting. He shouldn't be disappointed and yet.

"I never... I've never thought I'd be a dad," Eddie says slowly.

"I've always wanted to be one."

Eddie makes the first move, stepping around the coffee table that separates them, to get close to Steve. "I know. Sweetheart, I know," he says, reaching out for Steve, and Steve lets him. Eddie reaches out with his left hand to grasp one of Steve's hands, and the other hand reaches up to Steve's face. Steve closes his eyes, accepting, and Eddie cups his cheek so tenderly it forces a hiccupped sob from Steve, and Eddie swipes away the tear that fell when he closed his eyes.

"I know you'll be an amazing dad. And if you're with me, I think I'll be an okay one."

Steve sucks in a sharp breath and his eyes snap open to look at Eddie. Both their eyes are wet. Steve searches his face, looking for what, he doesn't even know. A sign that Eddie means what he says, probably, but it's not something Steve will be able to find just from looking.

It's only something Steve can fully accept and believe by Eddie proving it.

"Please, Steve. I'll make every dream you have come true if you let me. I love you."

Steve swallows thickly before saying, "You can't flirt with other people, to try and make me jealous. It's fine if you flirt like you used to, harmless and playful, but not- You can't do that anymore. I won't- I can't watch that again."

"Why would I even want to, if I have you?"

What a fucking charmer. "I- Okay. Okay. We have... we have a lot more to talk about, but if you're serious-"

"As a demobat bite."

"And we'll- we'll have to take it slow. Because I can't- I can't just dive in because if we don't work, I can't-"

"As slow as you need," Eddie promises, and Steve doesn't think he's ever seen Eddie looks this serious.

"Okay. Let's try." Steve can't bring himself to say 'I love you' back, even though Eddie knows. For real, now. It's what got them into this situation but saying it now feels big. Too big, too fast, too much. There are more conversations to be had and things to plan for before Steve will feel like he can say it again.

Steve expects Eddie to kiss him, but he doesn't. Eddie pulls him into a tight hug, clinging to Steve like letting go will kill him.

Steve holds back just as tight.

-

This is where I'll end it! A hopeful ending for the boys <3

@xxbottlecapx @im-sam-fucking-winchester @novacorpsrecruit @thewickedkat @dreamy-jeans137 @everywherenothere @hangingupinthehallway @estrellami-1 @queenie-ofthe-void @dreamsteddie @acowardinmordor @steviesummer @kinryuuki @genderless-spoon @paperbackribs @steddiecameraroll @yesdangerpls @jackiethevampireslayer @skitchskatchbat @sani-86 @exasperatedsighohmy @tinyplanet95 @chaotic-waffle

[vasito-de-leche]

a little prompt, if you don’t mind

what about mercenary!reader and symbiote!Pavia? it’s just Pavia’s ult/wolves kinda remind me of Venom and i think it would be fun to imagine him being something like Venom

;R1999 PAVIA - "under your skin"

Symbiote!Pavia x Mercenary!Reader 2.5k words body horror What you and Pavia have is nothing more than transactional—you need him to make a living, and he needs you alive to ensure a comfortable life. It's taken some time to get used to these changes, to share everything you have with him for the sake of convenience: your home, your food, your job. And most importantly, your body. Perfect symbiosis, or dysfunctional parasitism? You've yet to figure out where you two stand. One thing is clear, though; he's the best at getting under your skin.

i just want you to know that this prompt speaks to MY SOUL bc i love venom and pavia so fucking much. you dont understand how hard i think about the concept of a symbiotic relationship between symbiote and host. so I went extremely self-indulgent with this one <3

as usual, this is written to be read as platonic or romantic, whatever floats your boat!

Bang!

A clean kill.

The only reason you watch as the body drops to the ground is out of respect for the work you do, nothing else. You've done this a dozen times, and you will do it a dozen more -- the gun in your hand has become a reliable friend rather than a tool for mindless murder, its familiar weight a fleeting comfort in the tedious routine. A shame it came from the most annoying person you know.

Screaming ensues as everyone surrounding your target runs around in panic. You remain, eyes locked on the target. When someone moves their body, attempting to cradle that lifeless corpse, you see it; a bullet right between their eyebrows, the perfect shot.

You feel a tug, but it comes from within your chest cavity. Something squirms inside you, pulling you back, and you understand this as your cue to slide back into the shadows. It begins with a single step backwards, then another, until you feel the texture under your shoes shift -- what was once solid ground is now a dark, velvety mass, floating upwards and fading away like smoke. It licks at your ankles, providing an initially cold sensation that permeates your clothes, and then it continues upwards to your calves, your knees, your thighs. The gun slowly dissolves into slime, taking the shape of what you assume to be a hand, horrible and sticky fingers intertwined with yours, pulling you downwards.

By then, you feel that burning sensation, and then you're dragged into the abyss.

"That was a lousy shot."

A voice echoes in your mind, it is not your own. It feels like a thousand ants marching alongside your cranium. Or rather, what you assume to be your cranium -- in this current state, you can't separate yourself from the embrace of the void. The voice might as well reverberate all around you.

You scoff and insist. No, it was a perfect shot.

"Perfect my ass. You were off by 2 centimeters," the biting remark makes you clench your jaw. You don't reply. The voice does the same, it remains still, only a semblance of white noise, but you understand its silence as a smug victory.

Suddenly, vertigo takes hold of you. It only happens for a split second, always unannounced, but you know better than to brace yourself. Doing so, as you've learned, would only make you nauseous, dizzy and weak -- instead, you let go and the shadows gently coax you back into the light before dissipating in the air.

You find yourself in front of your apartment door, an odd and anticlimactic way of ending a productive day. What, no snack run today?

"Not feeling it today. So you either open the door on your own, or I'll do it myself. Get a move on."

Some of these threats tend to hold more water than others, but more often than not, they're just empty words and loud, useless barking. And so you've learned to ignore them all -- however, you feel a faint prodding inside your back pocket, like a tentacle in search of something. Right, your keys. The roll of your eyes and the slowness in your movements are the only means of rebellion you have against this annoying entity in your head, it continues to breathe down your neck, impatient as ever, until the door opens and you step into your safe haven.

"Finally! Guess there's some activity in that brain dead head of yours."

You're forced to make a bee-line for the kitchen and the fridge, puppeteered by a force much more stronger, much more ancient than every insignificant emotion you've ever felt: the damn parasite inside of you is hungry.

As you both scan the leftovers -- your leech of a roommate seeing through your eyes, smelling through your nose -- the voice returns, this time in a more playful tone, less grating than before.

"Scusi, what's with the silent treatment today?" You bite the inside of your cheek and it laughs at you. "Don't tell me, wolf got your tongue? Are you mad that I saw right through your poor, shitty technique?"

A suffocating presence crawls inside you, starting from somewhere below your rib cage and making its way upwards through your esophagus and trachea, shifting until you feel the prodding of cold, slimy fingers in your mouth. They are tasteless and you can still breathe, your body not even bothering to perceive this as an obstruction or an intruding force that must be coughed and spat out. They are careless in their movements, pinching the tip of your tongue and pushing against your clenched teeth in an attempt to get you to open up.

And the worst part is that this is nothing but a mocking gesture, you've come to understand this over the years. To you, this is no different than someone poking at your sides, childishly asking for your attention. You obediently open, enough for a single digit to slip out, one you recognize as the middle finger. It presses down on your lower lip.

And then you bite down, hard.

It dissipates instantly, it is absorbed back into your body through every inch of skin it makes contact with. There is a new sound in the back of your mind, one you weren't quite expecting. Your parasite laughs, amused, no trace of that usual condescending tone.

"Good, you still know how to use that petty mouth of yours. I don't have to worry about teaching you how to chew down your food."

This makes you stand up straight, turning your head and glaring at an empty space, where you assume this presence would manifest if it chose to stop taking residence in your body, "I'm not eating while you're still in there. If you want dinner, then get out."

There is a beat, a momentary silence. You don't give the parasite any time to bargain, "I'm serious. Use your own damn mouth if you're so hungry. I already have to do everything on my own, I'm not going to start spoon feeding you, too!"

The reply comes out faster than you expected.

"Fine."

For a moment, your vision doubles and your body feels like it's being painlessly torn apart. For a moment, you have two sets of eyes, two sets of arms, two sets of legs and two minds. You are both yourself and him, simultaneously. It is like someone is cutting your soul in half, shoving each part into two different bodies.

It is over in the blink of an eye, and there is a presence looming behind you, made from the same material that took you here, the same material that often travels in your veins and every other crevice, nook and cranny available between your organs and bones. The lights of your apartment flicker, and you take notice of his shadow cast over you.

His predatory gaze burns holes in the back of your head, and in the stillness of it all, you hear his steps, the sound his leather pants and the shifting of his shirt fabric as he steps closer -- until you feel his chest against your back. An arm slides into view, closing the door to the fridge and resting there, preventing you from escaping. It is decorated with all the useless, silver jewelry he's taken from your targets, a hand covered with tattoos you've often traced with your very own fingers in the past.

Oddly enough, you do not feel like prey. Not anymore. Your instinct tells you that you should, but truth be told, you could not care less. Especially when you feel his chin dig into the top of your head, his weight pressing lazily on you.

"…But in exchange, I'm cooking tonight. You got 10 seconds to get outta here." He shifts, and his cheek nuzzles into you as he yawns, like he's ready to move on from this conversation.

"Huh?" You slide from under him, finally looking at the parasite concealing as a man -- one you recognize as the bane of your existence, Pavia. "Uh, like hell I'm trusting you with the food! I've seen the stuff you put on your pizza."

"Like you're one to talk! You add too much salt to everything you make. If you wanted to ruin your liver, you should've just let me eat it from day one. 5 seconds left before I throw you out. C'mon."

"Do you even know how to cook? Any actual recipes that don't require winging everything?"

"Does pasta with a side of 'mind your fucking business or I'll make us eat rat poison' sound good to you?"

"I swear if you put anything funny in the food--…"

"Time's up. Out!" Pavia picks you up, manhandles you even, and tosses you out into the living room. As soon as you land on the couch, the door to the kitchen closes and you're left all alone.

It's easy to forget that you have no fucking clue as to who or what Pavia even is.

No last name, no records, no personal information at all. You've touched him before—he looks and feels just like any other person. If you didn't know any better, you could've sworn he bleeds the same way you do. But there are times when that outer layer of normalcy is peeled back just enough to remind you what you're dealing with. Sometimes, the outline of his form darkens, as if the light around him couldn't affect him in any way, and his eyes go dark, so very dark.

You've seen him in this form, unhinging his jaw to uncomfortable degrees and revealing endless sets of saw-like fangs and teeth. His nails have grown longer, thicker and sharper than expected in many occasions. You would find those on the ground, like a wild dog who has never known, let alone needed, a trimmer.

And most importantly, you've allowed him entry to every pore of your body, every piece of cartilage, every muscle, every vein.

That's when you get a small glimpse into the eldritch monstrosity living under your roof—sometimes, he's a thick fog. Sometimes, he's an oozing pile of slime. Sometimes, he's the big, bad wolf. Sometimes, you can't even understand what you're looking at when he manifests in front of you. Regardless, you're certain of something.

Pavia is darkness, eternal and haunting as the night.

He is also a huge, ungrateful, bastard.

"Hey! Where'd you leave the gelato!? This freezer's a damn mess!" His voice is heard, muffled. It doesn't carry the same cadence and weight as it does when you hear it from within your mind. He sounds more annoying, in fact.

It's a strange experience, to have him coexist right beside you as if he weren't some sort of parasite, one hair away from eating your organs. But at least like this, he cannot read your mind nor attempt to puppet your body like a moron in broad daylight. You don't answer, fully aware that he's only trying to piss you off and lure you into another argument -- as if he'd ever lose sight of his precious dessert, anyway. Instead, you busy yourself with the usual routine; finishing what is left of your work, contact your employers and whatnot.

Soon enough, the kitchen door opens and Pavia slides into the room with a single plate of warm food. You look at him, eyes wide in indignation. Oh, he wouldn't …

"Huh? What, I thought you didn't trust me to cook, so I just made something for myself. There's some leftovers from your poor excuse of a lasagna, though." The smarmy expression plastered all over his face as he licks the sauce off his spoon is unbearable, and you rush to the kitchen either to find the biggest knife to drive into his chest or to resign yourself and eat those leftovers.

And then you see it, another plate resting by the counter. Full of delicious looking pasta.

Son of a bitch.

"Bring me some of that orange juice you bought yesterday while you're in there, yeah?" Pavia never gives you time to settle down, demanding your attention and your frustration time and time again, unable to form a single coherent thought nor opinion about him.

He's annoying, that's all you've been able to figure out so far.

He's annoying, and he's made a mess out of your kitchen to cook this meal for both of you. He's annoying, and stingy when it comes to sharing his favorite snacks and desserts, but he never attempts to steal your own. He's annoying, and he offers you a power beyond your wildest dreams, to get rid of inhibition and embrace the abilities of an eldritch beast. He's annoying, and he hogs all the fucking blankets at night, planting his cold feet against your legs or back to add insult to injury.

He's annoying, and he's calling out to you once more, telling you to hurry or else you'll miss "that one stupid show" you like, that he'll switch channels if you don't sit down with him to eat. You sigh. The nerve, the hypocrisy. You know the things he likes to watch -- he has no right to criticize your taste like this.

"I'm coming, calm down! Christ …"

You notice that he never lingers nor invades any of your usual places, always picking the same spots for himself, and this is ironic in every way possible given his fickle nature. There's no doubt that as soon as you two retire for the night, Pavia will make a show out of sliding back into your body, to rest with the warmth of your blood and the soothing rhythm of your heart. And you will tell him to fuck off and sleep on the couch, reminding him of that one time he got a little too comfortable, clutching your heart in his claws, causing you to believe you were having a heart attack. Then, morning will arrive, and you will find Pavia either sprawled out or gone, but never truly leaving you alone. You will feel him, that inky slime, both cold and warm in your veins. You will go to work, and you will return home to start all over again. This is the routine, one you stopped questioning a long time ago.

This parasite who gets under your skin, both figuratively and literally, is annoying. He's annoying when he teases you, forcing you to admit that he can cook a mean pasta. He's annoying when he laughs, loud and boisterous, at those stupid moments he often criticizes in all of your favorite shows. He's annoying when he gets clingy, using you as a pillow because he can't be bothered to reach out for one of the many other pillows scattered around.

He's so very annoying when he looks at you with a curious gleam in his eyes, obviously noticing the way you've chosen to rest your head in the crook of his neck. Time stands still as you simply look at each other, as you lose yourself in those bright, sharp eyes.

You stick out your tongue at him, and Pavia blows a raspberry at you. Sure, he might be plenty annoying on his own, but together you're both insufferable and unstoppable.

[markantonys]

I came back as promised and I'm already done with s1, and a few episodes into s2, and so as a fellow multishipper I've been trying to go down the ship route. But oh my god. HOW does Rand have chemistry with almost every single person?? 😭 He's, affectionately, a little sunshine-y hoe (hoerenzo 2.0?) bless him

So my question is if you have a favorite ship? Idk if you've been asked this before but I'd love to know your thoughts. Sell me the propaganda I need to be convinceddd!!

rand as hoerenzo 2.0 LMAO you're so right!! the two of us over here shaking hands on our medici-to-WOT pipeline while everybody else has no clue what we're talking about haha but yes! little sunshine hoe who has chemistry with everyone!

this is also cracking me up because if you're saying "rand has chemistry with everyone!" after only s1 and a couple episodes of s2.........my god. just WAIT djfkgjh you've only scratched the tip of the iceberg that is Rand Having Chemistry With Everyone!

i actually can't even talk to you about many of my favorite ships yet because they are still to come! on that note, now that you're actively engaging with WOT yourself instead of just passively watching me post about a fandom you have no idea about, i and everyone else use the tag "wot book spoilers" for all posts that discuss things from future books that haven't yet made it into the show, so blacklist that tag if you're concerned about remaining unspoiled! i also use "wot show spoilers" for posting about the most recent season (other people use a variety of other tags, that one's not as universally agreed on), but at this rate it won't be long until you've caught up anyway!

anyway, my shipping tendencies have changed quite a bit since i first watched s1 as a show-only until now, after having read all the books and seen 2 more seasons, but i'm going to take a trip down memory lane. i remember diving into s1 knowing absolutely nothing about WOT and thinking to myself "let's see what My Ship will end up being!" and i really thought it was going to be mat/perrin because of their wonderful moment together in shadar logoth in 1x02, but then they immediately got separated for just about the rest of the season.........and in swept mat/rand to steal my heart! mat/rand (aka cauthor, because if you smushed their first names together instead of their last names, the ship name would be rat) has been my constant, the main ship that captivated me during s1 and continued to hold my heart throughout all the books and the subsequent seasons. but i gained new ships during all that too to join cauthor! still, if i HAD to pick only one favorite 2-person ship in all of WOT, it would be cauthor.

but the beauty of WOT is that you don't have to pick! polyamory is a canon aspect of the world (as you've seen with alanna and her warders), so there is no better story to multiship in! during my s1 show-only days, i dabbled in mat/rand/egwene (as a V relationship with rand as the hinge, i can't picture mat and egwene dating each other haha) and also a little bit mat/rand/egwene/perrin, though poor perrin is so miserable and traumatized in s1 that it's hard to ship him too much with anything other than getting wrapped in a warm blanket and fed soup. now looking back, these polyships make me laugh - there's nothing wrong with them at all, and goddamn it, i stand by it that the vibes are there in s1, it's just that they feel like funny ships after reading the books & watching more seasons and coming back. now, they feel to me like the equivalent of shipping, like, bianca/guglielmo/sandro polycule: nothing wrong with it, just funny!

so! mat/rand is my OG, and then most of my remaining ships, you may or may not be able to guess at after watching s3 - i will be curious to hear your shipping report as you get further along! and i will provide you with more propaganda at that time, but for now, there is so much left for you to see before i can share it.

but i can definitely share some cauthor propaganda!

the childhood-friends-to-lovers of it all, of course

rand taking care of mat! he is literally the "it's rotten work" "not to me, not if it's you" meme. not only has rand been looking out for mat with his family situation for their whole lives (as has perrin! mat is both of their sugar baby in 1x01), but during the season too, when mat is all sick and dagger cursed, rand sticks firmly by his side and tends to him and protects him no matter what. he thinks mat might be the dragon reborn, might be fated to go mad and destroy the world, but he still never hesitates in his devotion to him!

rand telling mat "no matter what happens, i'm here" while they're in that barn about to sleep, i just know that rand scooched over to cuddle him as the big spoon after the camera cut away

when moiraine comes to the inn and rand's afraid she's going to try to gentle mat and he goes "I WON'T LET YOU HURT HIM" and attempts to fight a whole-ass aes sedai and warder with nothing but a sword he doesn't know how to use. that's romance baby!

mat wheezing and dying on his deathbed still managing to roast rand with a "bless his heart he tries" as his main response to rand's romantic devotion to him: that's also romance

rand earnestly proclaiming undying devotion to mat while mat makes fun of him is exactly what cauthor is all about

mat stays behind at the waygate and rand's little face is so sad but THEN whenever anyone else tries to criticize mat for staying behind, rand is all "you don't know all the facts!" "which are?" "i love him!" my man was fighting for his life to defend mat from all haters even after mat LEFT rand really said "i am going to see mat at his worst and choose to love him anyway"

on that note, moiraine: you've seen the darkness in mat more than anyone has, do you really think he's ready for what lies ahead? rand, after watching mat spend weeks cursed by an evil dagger and behaving the worst he ever has in his life: of COURSE he is!

anybody who claims to be mat's #1 stan is lying because that title belongs to rand

and mat's love for rand too! despite his devil-may-care external facade, mat is very emotionally intelligent and is shown to be good at reaching rand and soothing him whenever rand's little pufferfish spikes come out (ex: rand's argument with moiraine and egwene in the woods in 1x02, mat is the one to step in and calm him down afterwards)

mat getting bitchy about rand/egwene in 1x03 when he's all "why do you want to go to the white tower for her, she wouldn't do it for you" yes that's the dagger making him be an asshole but also, he's jealous (and then egwene being bitchy about mat in 1x07! mat/rand/egwene with rand in the middle being fought over was the real love triangle of s1)

in the darkfriend bartender's town when rand said "let's take turns [chopping the wood]" and mat thought it over very seriously and said very seriously "if you think she's up for it" he was 100% down to have a threesome involving rand

and more to come in s2, especially on the "mat's love for rand" side, which didn't get as much attention in s1 since mat was the one suffering and needing cherishing haha but rest assured he will return the favor whenever rand needs cherishing!

[sugar-omi]

Is it ok to make a request after the last one? Like everything about the eloping was just a dream in this one. And Mc is still married to Cove but after getting that nightmare they get all guilty over something that didn't happen and fear if they'd actually do something that would hurt everyone, especially Cove that badly. So they decided to isolate themselves somewhere no one would find them for a while with little explanation to Cove when they leave. Any location really like a cabin in the woods idk. They were supposed to be only there for a week then a woopsie happens and now they get stranded for more than a week. You're choice on how it ends and whether they tell Cove or not about the dream.

Seeing Cove suffer hurts me so I wanna see the MC suffer (more) :)

HAHA I LOVE IT, YESSS LET MC SUFFER !!!! also ik i wrote it as a "y/n" post but i was like imagining jamie as MC/"y/n" and inserting myself in cove's happy ending <3 lmaooo no one said "y/n" couldn't be someone else 😋 i imagine a lotta ppl read y/n fanfics with their oc's or the default name though too but yes tysm for this ask bc this heals my heart, this is smth i would do!!! one time i read 2 separate fics with character A died and in the other fic character B died n i was like "oh okay theyre happy together now<333" ITS SILLY BUT IT MADE MY HEART FEEL BETTER

[read the post mentioned above: "leaving cove for baxter"]

tags : Hurt/(No) Comfort, step 4/wedding dlc, nightmare about cheating, running away, keeping secrets, arguing <3 (cove snaps abt you leaving)

synopsis : you have a nightmare about leaving cove, so you run away to calm down. maybe you should've taken a different approach...

you wake up in a cold sweat that night.

you're shaking and trying not to wake up cove because his arms are wrapped tightly around you but you can't help the tears running down your face.

somehow you shake yourself from your husbands hold and go to the bathroom to cry...

that morning you're very distant, and since cove has to leave for work as he's been away for awhile for your wedding and honeymoon, he just kisses you and tells you that you will talk later.

when he comes home you sit him down and tell him that you've just going through a bit of depression and burn out, and that you're going to go visit lee for a week and come back.

cove frowns up, of course he understands what you're going through and he understands that things are hard but do you really need to go away?

"y/n, please. i understand you're going through something but, can't you stay? isn't there anything i can do for you?"

you shake your head, "i'm sorry, it's just 5 days and then i'm coming back. i just.. i just need some time."

cove feels a bit angry now, you just got married and everything was fine, you were happy yesterday and now you've done a total 180 overnight and won't let him help you!

"y/n you can't just leave, i really don't understand what's going on."

you shake your head, standing up and releasing your intertwined hands. "i just need a little break, i promise i'll be back soon."

you do go visit lee like you said, but after the 2nd day she leaving town for a show.

"i'm gonna miss you!" lee squeezes you in her arms, not wanting to let you go. "you just showed up, its gonna be forever before we see each other~" lee whines.

you laugh, patting her back. "its okay lee, we'll get together soon."

she pulls away, needing to leave soon if she doesn't want to miss the train. "okay.. i'll call you everyday! have fun on the rest of your trip, okay?" a worried look comes on lee's face, taking your hand in a soothing manner. "i hope you can work through that burn out."

you nod. yeah, burn out...

lee sticks her hand out the window, waving the whole way (thank god someone else is driving) until you can't see each other.

you sigh, walking to your car and make your way to the hotel you booked for the rest of the week...

the beach reminds you of your honeymoon... you aren't sure why you're torturing yourself like this.

you sigh, thinking about the dream. well, nightmare to be correct.

there was nothing inherently scary. but since it was from a first-person point of view, your mouth moving out of tune with your thoughts and everything happening so vividly, it was scary enough.

you feel tears well up in your eyes as you think about everyone's reaction.

would your ma really tell you to stay away from the house like that? and lee.. you can't imagine not talking to her.

fuck, you're crying... just thinking about everyone's disappointment and the scorn on everyone's face is enough to send chills down your spine.

you cringe, thinking about cliff and krya, their messages and how cliff looked so distraught when he saw you when he came for the last of cove's things on your nightmare.

you couldn't bare your in-laws hating you. cliff has always been someone important to you, and now he's your father-in-law. he's a sensitive soul as well, and he loves cove so much. of what had happened was real... oh man, the simple idea of how much regret cliff would have makes your body shake with sobs.

and even though you try not to think about cove's reaction to you leaving, its so prominent in your mind.

you start wiping at your tears, even though there's no one around since this is a little edge of beach off the edge of a hiking trail near your hotel, you feel so ridiculous for crying over this.

you sniffle and go to stand up.

it's getting dark, you've off the trail, and you have an early day tomorrow.

the only problem is... you're a bit lost.

you didn't realize how far you were. you're back on the trail but do you go left or right? does it matter if it all leads back to the hotel?

you swallow, you're so fucked.

everything is just going wrong.

first, you get lost on the shitty trail and don't find your way back until daybreak, and now your car isn't starting up, and the mechanic said it'll be a few days before they get it up and running.

you sigh loudly and fall back into the bed. thankfully, the hotel let you extend your stay so at least you have that going for you...

you startle from the sound of your phone ringing... it's cove.

you hesitate to pick up, you still feel sensitive, but you miss cove, and you've already texted him about the situation for the most part..

"hey, cove.."

"y/n! are you okay?" cove's worried voice crackles over the phone.

"yeah, i'm alright, uh.. listen, cove."

you trace the stitch pattern of the quilt on your bed. "apparently, it'll be a few days before the car is up and running. something about a busted something, i don't know what he said. i wasn't, uh, paying attention very well..."

cove sighs. "y/n... I'll come get you or something, and then we can talk about this, okay?"

you feel your heart pick up. "no! th-theres no need for all that, you just hold down the fort, tell the fish I said hi." you laugh shakily.

you can practically hear the frown in his voice. "y/n. why did you go on this trip, seriously. what are you hiding from me?"

cove's voice is rising and cracking with tears at the same time.

it breaks your heart. you can't answer him and it just makes cove more upset.

"do you regret marrying me or something? is that why-!"

"no!" you exclaim. suddenly regretting your outburst but you can't help but deny it since that's not it and you don't want cove to think that...

"then fucking tell me!" cove is obviously crying at this point. "all I know is my spouse left for a 'break' and is now telling me they don't want me to pick them up? be fucking serious y/n!"

you exhale shakily, wiping your own tears.

"i'm sorry..." you whisper, burying your face in your hand.

"sorry for what, y/n? leaving me after we just got married? lying to me? shutting me out?"

cove's voice is deep and his words have an edge.

he's right though, what are you apologizing for? you're acting out and letting your problem consume you...

there's silence, and then cove mutters over the phone.

"... do you not love me anymore?"

you snap up, sliding off the edge of the bed as you snatch up the phone. "no! it's not that! don't say that!" you cry, "I love you so much, cove! don't even think otherwise!"

cove is silent. since you can't see his face you can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

"you know what i... i can't take this right now. I'll call you later."

the phone clicks.

now all you're left with is silence and your own thoughts...

when you finally come home it's 11:47 at night.

cove should be asleep but instead he greets you from the door.

you swallow, psyching yourself up to go to him.

something about the way he watches you from the moment you came into view on the street, to watching you pull your bags out the trunk and then maintaining eye contact (more like boring holes into you since you can't look him in the eye.) as you creep up the pathway to the door of your marital home.

he's silent. just watching. no "hi" or "I love you" or "I missed you, I barely survived while you were gone", just.. silence...

you finally look at him. his eyes are hooded with lack of sleep if the eye bags are any tellers, and yet he stands in front of the illuminated doorway like an unmoveable wall.

your heart skips and clenched. what if he doesn't want to let you back in?

you go to speak and he talks over you.

"was it worth it?"

you gape at him, frowning at his question.

"of course you can't say anything. what did I expect..." cove pinches his temples between his thumb and forefinger.

you gather up some words, uselessly trying to grasp for forgiveness.

"i.. i thought it'd be better if i worked things out on my own... i'm sorry.." you fiddle with the keychain on your luggage. "i shouldn't have done that and uh.. I'll deal with my problems without running away.."

cove watches you blankly. he can't believe you're serious.

"you're not gonna tell me, are you?"

you don't nod or shake your head. you just look at the ground and pray he forgives you.

he stands in front of the door for awhile longer, before he takes your luggage, a little more like snatching it since he grabs it by the side of the handle and tugs it out of your hands, pulling you forward.

"come inside. did you eat?"

you gape a bit, wondering how cove can care for you in a time like this but it reminds you more of a mother who's making sure her naughty child doesn't need anything else before they receive their punishment..

you shake your head. "i'm not hungry right now.."

cove doesn't nod or insist you eat like he normally would. "shower and go to bed then. I'll join you later."

you nod, letting cove's orders sink in.

the bath water is getting cold. and the sound of the echoed sound of water clapping against the edge of the tub makes you self-conscious.

you stand up, letting the water run off of you and robotically dry yourself with a towel before slipping into the clothes cove threw on top of the sink for you.

when you slip out of your bathroom, the bedroom is dark except for the moonlight coming through the window.

you tenderly tuck yourself into bed and close your eyes. waiting for something. anything. maybe for everything to become undone or for time to move past this.

just while you start to get deep into your thoughts, tears pooling in your eyes, cove's footsteps thump against the floor, and you halt your breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

the bed dips on his side. you don't feel him leaning over you or getting into bed and so you turn around, looking at the broad expanse of his back and waiting.

"you're not gonna tell me, are you?"

you say nothing.

"not what's wrong? what happened? how can I help?" cove's desperate at this point. "nothing?"

you pause, fingers twitching because you want to reach out to him but if you did he'll just shrink away from you for sure.

"I don't know.." you finally mumble.

cove hangs his head, fiddling with something in his hand and he lays down without looking at you, flipping over once he's gotten under the covers.

you're both awake, there's no way he isn't and you touch his back.

he doesn't flinch like you thought, nor shake or tell you to fuck off.

so you creep closer. maybe that's a bad idea, wrapping your arms around him as the worst he can do is reject you but you missed him. and everything is eating you up that you just want his comfort..

he let's you, surprisingly.

you rest your forehead between his shoulder blades, curving your body against his.

you reach for his hands, finding them clenched weakly around something.

you wanna shake and cry when you realize it's his wedding band...

he let's you take it from him, and he holds onto your other hand that's tucked under his body.

you shakily slip the ring back on his finger.

maybe, maybe one day you'll tell him.

but when the next morning comes, and cove greets you with a bright smile and "good morning" that only has half his usual cheer, and he continues it for weeks until months have passed since then and it's as if nothing happened, you aren't sure you ever will.

[ray-of-melancholy]

I'm losing my life to you. If you die before me I will kill myself. I can't stand the thought of a world where we don't coexist. You're my favorite person and you deserve more than anyone to know that.

I have a special notebook I tuck in the back of my drawer, it's all full of you. I can't let anyone know about it. Then they'd know about you and you're my soulmate. Please be all mine. I've bled so much for you, its all over those pages. Every time I make an entry with your information, I make a new slit. You are my scars, you are my blood, you are my skin. You are my body, you own me.

I love you so damn much. This Isn’t a joke and fuck you if you think it is. You've neglected to notice any of my other advances. You remember those flowers? Those were fucking from me you selfish asshole. I spend all my paychecks on you. My love, my life, my soulmate, my sweetheart, my one and only, why do you hurt me this way?

My heart aches for you. Just let me in<3

I'm flattered my dear. This may be the first time I hear of your affection but deep down I know. I know your mine. I know I'm yours, I feel our connection and love building. I feel you in my heart when I close my eyes. I feel you in my lungs when I breath, I feel you in my very soul. And some day, melancholy tunes, and the most powerful neo/classical music will play at our wedding. Not because it's a sad day but because our vows will be obituaries and our love a smeared lipstick

The mirror is where I find my love, it's where I find you, behind the mirror is a medicine cabinet where they want me to be. To lock myself up and be normal, but I can't. Not with you in the picture, not when Im loved by my own counterpart, another side of me. They will say we are separate people, that our love is disturbed or crooked. That we have perverted the very definition.

But is that not what love is?

It's meant to be perverted and bruised.

Never hide your letters, never let them be shrouded in shadows for the shame you feel is temporary, we will find each other my dearest, my God, I would lick your boots the same way you would lick mine.

We are one

We are a single whole, shattered and separated but someday. Somehow. We will be together again we will be a whole being

I didn't realize it until now but you are me as I am you and I will find you to kindle our love.

I will embroider your skin in flowers, roses and marigolds and orchids

Love, death, and sex

The very things defining us

When I think of you I think of rope burns and candle wax, the taste of crimson and the smell of figs.

I'm the fig, you're the wasp, I will consume you to become ethereal, to become whole.

I yearn for you

I will ruin you

I will pervert everything you know

And that will be what we are

Spoken word obituaries, sweet deaths whispered in our two person coffin.

I will keep you caged like a bird, your wings clipped with an altar dedicated to who you once were and who you will become under my guidance.

A cross

You are crucified, raw, unhidden, everything you are shown to the world.

You are mine

And I will bring you to your knees

Spiders

In a web

I will tie you in me web

The rope burning your skin

In our shrine, in our home.

I will keep you trapped. My bite eating away at your organs, until you are but a shell when I will eat away at your organs and swallow your guts

A shell

Found in the beach

Taken

Taken home

Away from your home to be with me

But you don't regret it

Not even for a moment

I would do anything for you. I HAVE done it all for you

My heart beats for you, I move for you, I gasp for air, I sob, I do everything,

I'm a marigold, rotting away by a casket

I'm a rose, covered in thorns

I'm an orchard, passionate and needy

But I am you, as you me

We are a fig

A predatory plant and a misunderstood animal.

Painted as aggressive but your just defending yourself

Until you give yourself to me

Sacrificing your wings to be wrapped in marigolds and leaves

I will collect your blood and use it to summon a demon to permanently connect us

I will rip your fingernails off with pliers, I will keep them under my pillow, at your altar, littered around our shrine

I am you

I will be you

You are not me

I will consume every part of you

[mydetheturk]

Title: Hell, I'm Dead Anyway

Author: mydetheturk

Rating: M (for safety)

Word Count: 2,710

Warnings: Vomiting, Panic Attacks, Crying, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Wolfwood's Going Through The Horrors, Hallucinations

Summary: Wolfwood cracked too many ampules. Meryl and Vash can only keep him comfortable while he recovers.

~~

Day 3 of @mashwoodweek! I chose "Ghosts" for reasons that will be Revealed in the fic. There's also a sprinkling of the poetry prompt "Tell me every terrible thing you've done, and let me love you anyway."

Title is from The Dark Tower Vol 2: The Drawing of the Three by Stephen King

(read on AO3)

There's some content warnings in the replies, if you're reading in the dash view and want to have some idea as to what's going down.

~~

Meryl worries, when her boys get into gun fights. Vash can dodge anything when he wants to, but Nick… Nick tends to soak up the bullets and crack an ampule and chug whatever serum is in them. And this last gun fight had been. Bad.

It'd been bad.

Nick had cracked the glasses at least twice that Meryl had seen, and Vash admitted to seeing another two, not to mention what might've happened when the three had been separated. When Meryl had found Nick again, he was leaning against a horse hitch and standing over black sludge, surrounded by bodies of some of the bounty hunters after Vash.

He'd thrown up black sludge before collapsing, all before Meryl could finish calling out to him.

Meryl's panicked scream had brought Vash running.

That was a couple of hours ago.

Meryl isn't sure how they got Nick in their motel room without anyone seeing them or Nick getting covered in vile, black goop. Meryl's been holed up in the bathroom with him, making sure he doesn't die. Vash hasn't been allowed back in since Nick looked at him with hazy, half-lidded eyes and stopped breathing out of panic. It took about thirty seconds of stillness before Nick sucked in a ragged breath and vomited up more of the black goop, the tears in the corners of his eyes spilling over.

Vash had bolted, and he's been pacing back and forth in their motel room since, bringing Meryl whatever she's asked for. She's only seen something like this once out of Nick since they stuck together after July. It almost killed him then, and it feels like it's killing him now.

It's been a while since he last coughed up the black, rotten goop, and while his vision isn't totally clear, Nick actually looked at her when she called his name, so Meryl's taking it as a win.

“Nick? Baby?” Nick's so pretty eyes blink at her, unseeing. Meryl puts her hand on his cheek, and he pulls back weakly. “I'm going to have to get Vash in here. I can't move you myself. Okay?”

“Shl'dn' touch… hurt you…” Nick wheezes, and Meryl's heart cracks.

“You can't hurt a kitten right now, baby,” Meryl says. She kisses his sweaty forehead.

Nick's too hot, but they don't have a tub with their room, just the tiny closet that holds the toilet and sink. Meryl and Vash will have to get whatever they can to get him cooled down. She just needs to get Nick on the bed, first.

Nick hacks up another lungful of bile into the toilet, wheezing weakly. Meryl runs her hand across his shoulders until he slumps back.

“'m good. Be good. Won't run again,” he whispers. He's staring out past Meryl, at something only he can see. “'m sorry.” His hands keep clenching and unclenching and small shivers wrack his frame.

“Child assassin, made to grow up too fast,” Nick had told her, drunk on bathtub gin and grief. Meryl's put those words in a little box to examine when she has moments to herself. Trying to demand anything of Zazie doesn't work, but what the Worm's Voice has implied has been horrific.

“Vash!” Meryl calls over her shoulder. She doesn't want to corner Nick in the tiny bathroom, but they've gotta get him cooled down.

Vash nearly runs Meryl over in his haste. He's glowing slightly, whorls flickering into existence from his eyes outward. “Is he–”

“He's too hot. It's making him delirious,” Meryl says. She tries not to think about the couple of pictures of tiny baby Nico Miss Melanie had shown her with golden eyes too old for his soft baby face. She doesn't know how successful she is with controlling her voice, given how Vash pales with her words.

“Will – will he let me touch him?” Vash whispers. He hovers at the door, not wanting to put more stress on Nick.

“I don't think it's gonna be a will he, Vash. I think you’re just going to have to,” Meryl says, just as quiet. Nick's lips are moving but no words are coming out, and he's staring not at her but past her. His whole frame trembles and his breath keeps skipping. “We need to cool him off.”

Vash takes a couple of deep breaths and steps in, deliberately making noise. Nick twitches back, eyes flicking in Vash's direction. He's ashy under his tan, the ever so faint freckles just darker than his normal skin tone standing out.

Meryl doesn't know what ghosts he's seeing.

But she wants to find the remains of Millions Knives and use the Punisher's laser to make sure he isn't coming back. She wants to find whoever Legato is and hurt him for hurting Nick.

“I'm so sorry, Nicholas,” Vash says. He kneels down, and Meryl scoots out of his way. She can't really haul Nick around the way he can her – he's too dense and she's too short. “I'm not going to hurt you. You're safe.” Vash keeps his words low and soft and unhurried as he carefully takes Nick in his arms. Nick tries to get away, flinching and spitting and full of panic, but there's only so far he can get in the confines of the bathroom.

Nick's crying silently by the time Vash gets his arms around his torso.

“I know, I know,” Vash says. “I'm sorry.” He presses his cheek to Nick's. “I'm standing up now, Wolfwood. There we are.” Vash rolls to his feet, dragging Nick with him. Meryl moves up as well, drawn to them magnetically. Nick can barely keep his feet under him, he's shaking so hard. Vash keeps murmuring to him and there's a sound Meryl can feel coming from Vash's chest. “We're gonna walk now. I've got you. I'll let you go in a moment.” Vash backs them out the door, staring forward at the back wall of the bathroom the entire time. He keeps going until the backs of his legs hit the bed and then Vash turns, shifting Nick until he's the one with the mattress in the back of his knees. Meryl helps Vash manhandle Nick into the bed proper; Vash's hands don't linger the few times he touches Nick's skin.

“Can you run water as cold as the sink will get it, Vash?” Meryl says once they've got Nick as comfortable as they can. There's an expression on his face that says he can tell more about what's happening than Meryl can. She's not sure he'll say anything, though.

Vash uses his prosthetic fingertips to shift Nick's hair off his forehead. Nick’s eyes scrunch closed and he tries to pull back, but he doesn’t make it far. Tears streak in varying directions across his face, across the bridge of his nose when he looks away from Vash. “Yeah. Just a second.” With a heavy sigh, Vash grabs up some fabric – a towel, a spare shirt, things like that.

Meryl takes a moment to get Nick's shirt the rest of the way unbuttoned, exposing his torso to the hotel room. Placing her hand over his heart, she feels the way it jumps a little and his breathing catches. He’s scared and verging on passing out from his panic and what he was seeing.

Meryl's breath stutters on an exhale.

He's so stupid.

She lost Vash once, no matter that he came back; Meryl can't lose Nick too. Her breath hiccups and she chokes back a cry.

“Hey.” Vash taps her shoulder with his flesh hand, the glove off so she can see his hand fully when she turns her head to look at him.

“Yeah?” Meryl hates how small her voice is.

“Nicholas is stubborn,” Vash says. “I'm sure he'll pull through.”

Meryl wants to believe him. She does.

But the sense-memory of when Nick killed the man that had been the boy Rollo to save Vash's life rolls through her bones anyway. She doesn't want that for Nick.

Instead of voicing this, she holds out her hands for whatever Vash had taken with him to the bathroom. The fabric in her hands isn't super cold, but it's cooler than the air around them. Carefully, Meryl drapes the smallest pieces of fabric over the pulse points of his head and arms, saving the wet shirt (which is one of Vash’s) for Nick's torso, folding it in half and laying it across his chest.

It's not heat exhaustion or stroke, but she's not sure how else to handle it. They'll have to try getting some water in him at some point so he doesn't get dehydrated.

For now, it's all she can do.

“I'll make sure the bathroom is clean,” Vash says. “We don't want the lady at the desk getting angry with us. Innkeepers talk.” He says this lightly, but there's a look in his eyes. Meryl's sure the same look is in hers.

She pulls her eyes away from Vash's far too blue ones and casts a glance around their room. Something is missing. With a second, more thorough look, Meryl realizes what it is.

“We left the Punisher,” she says with dismay. It's been a few hours – she hopes no one stole it since they retreated to the motel room. Honestly, she's not sure how someone could; the gun so full of what Nick claims is mercy but is in actuality a horrifying number of bullets weighs more than Nick and Vash combined.

Vash's face falls, empty.

“I'll get it,” he says. “Stay here, I'll be back soon.”

“Hurry,” Meryl replies. She doesn't think the hunters who'd been after Vash earlier would strike again, but she doesn't want to risk it with Nick as bad off as he is.

“Of course. I always do.” Vash grabs the coat Nick's been wearing since July, sliding his arms through the sleeves like he never left it behind. Running his hand through his hair, it spikes up slightly. With his hair back and Nick's coat, he doesn't give off “Vash the Stampede.” It should hopefully be enough.

Nick's breathing evens out while Vash is out getting his gun. When Meryl checks on his pulse, it's still a little off, but going stronger than it had been.

Meryl drops her face into the mattress beside Nick's hip. “You're an idiot,” she whispers. She refuses to acknowledge the tears that threaten to fall from her eyes. “You stupid idiot, you can't do this to me.” She takes the closest hand in hers, threading their fingers together. Nick mumbles something incoherent.

Meryl's still refusing to cry when Vash comes back with the Punisher slung over his back. He looks a little worse, eyes red rimmed and tear tracks through the iridescent scales that show up when he starts glowing.

“How's he doing?” Vash asks. The Punisher makes a soft thump when Vash sets it down. The belts aren't quite right, but Meryl knows Nick will want to make sure his gun is fine when he wakes.

“Better,” Meryl says. “His heart though...” she trails off, biting her lip. There's nothing she can do; she's not a doctor, and Vash's 'profession' when he's going undercover is a Plant Engineer. Not to mention whatever he's got going on inside of him isn't going to be the same as Nick, who's definitely got something going on that a normal, unmodified human wouldn't have. There's no scars, but Meryl watches how he stretches his back, and it's unsettling to see how flexible it is. Sure, Nick broadened over the last couple of years, but there's something going on underneath.

Vash furrows his brow and moves to the other side of the bed they have Nick on. He places his ear to Nick's chest, eyes closing as he listens.

Vash blinks up at her after listening to Nick's chest for a moment. “I don't know if I can do anything for this, Meryl. His best bet might be...” Vash trails off.

The doctors at the Eye.

“Fuck,” Meryl says.

“Yeah.” Vash swallows. “That. That about sums it up.” He lets out a little giggle. It sounds about how Meryl's feeling.

Meryl laughs, a little hysterical thing. “It's going to be so fucking hard to make him not drink that fucking serum.” She's not even sure if there's a single member of the Eye that Nick trusts. From what Vash remembers of the fight on the sand steamer on their way to July, they were holding Nick's brother hostage as a way to make Nick work with them. Most of the people experimented on straight up die.

Vash stands back up and walks around the bed to wrap Meryl in his arms. She finally lets herself cry over the whole situation. “We'll let him heal,” Vash says. He's got that blank tone to his voice again. The one that makes Meryl sad and pisses Nick off. “If he gets worse, we'll head Home. Luida might be able to do something.”

Meryl's met a couple of the doctors on the ship. She hopes someone there can help.

At the moment, all they can do is wait and periodically cool the fabric they draped over Nick.

Meryl gets out her stack of reports and settles herself in the chair beside the bed. Vash cleans the bathroom within an inch of its life and then methodically cleans the Punisher before doing maintenance on his Colt. Both of them keep a desperate eye on Nick while they work. Its a little while longer before he finally slides into proper sleep, his breath deep and even. Something in Meryl's chest untangles at that. She hopes he's not having nightmares. Nick had looked at Vash and seen someone else. Meryl's pretty sure she knows who, since she sees blond hair and a beauty mark on the wrong side in her nightmares too.

Setting aside her reports, Meryl leans on the bed, pillowing her head on her crossed arms so she can stare at Nick. She loves an idiot with a sacrificial streak an ile wide and another idiot who has no sense of self-preservation when it comes to the people he cares about.

She closes her eyes. Just for a minute.

A shaky hand petting Meryl's hair makes her jolt up. The hand in her hair falls.

“Ow.” Nick's awake.

Nick's awake.

Meryl dives into his stomach, not giving a damn that she's sobbing all over him.

“Ow. Shortie, what's–”

“Don't do that to me again!” Meryl sobs.

The door creaks open, Vash stepping through. “I'm back,” he calls quietly. “The innkeeper was kind enough to give us something when I mentioned Nick's not...” He trails off, finally processing the scene before him. “Nicholas,” Vash breathes. The bag in his hand clatters to the floor and he joins Meryl in clinging to Nick. “Wolfwood – Nicholas, Nick.” He keeps repeating Nick's name, as though his brain has gotten stuck on Nick and Nick alone.

Nick makes a noise but doesn't shove either of them off of him. Not that he could at the moment, not with the grip Meryl's got in his shirt and the almost bruising clutch Vash is using.

Meryl sobs herself out, Vash close behind. Nick shakily holds on to both of them, bewildered.

“You can't do this to me – to us,” Meryl croaks when she thinks she can talk a little bit without bursting into another round of tears. “You could die and I can't lose you too.” Her voice cracks on her words and Meryl clings into Nick's chest again.

Vash pets Nick's cheek with his flesh and bone hand, thumb going through tear tracks and giving Nick a watery smile. “I can't lose you either,” he says. “Please. Don't make me lose you too.” He buries his face in Nick's throat.

Nick makes a noise at both of them. “'m sorry,” he rasps. “Didn't mean to scare you.” He doesn't say it won't happen again. Meryl knows it might.

He didn't promise her this after that time when they were without Vash, either. As long as people he cares about could be in trouble, Meryl knows Nick will do whatever he has to to keep them safe.

She just hopes it doesn't kill him in the process.

[swiftbluelightning]

[A video is attached, on Undella Beach, at night.

"You came," Cassius says flatly. Tucked under one arm is a large bundle of cloth.

"I did." Astra stares at him, expression unreadable. Lillian stands beside her, holding her hand, visibly furious. "What do you want?"

He holds out her X-Transceiver. "This is yours. I don't know how it got to me, but I am here to return it."

Astra takes a few hesitant steps forward, before rapidly snatching the X-Transceiver away and stepping back, affixing it to her wrist. There is the sound of an electronic chirp.

Cassius' eyes flicker towards her wrist. "If I had known someone made their home in there, I would have been more insistent on returning it sooner," he says mildly.

"That can't be all you want," Lillian says sharply. "There's far too much that's happened for that to be all you want. And if it is, I'm breaking your nose again."

"It was the most pertinent," he replies.

"Then get to the rest of it." Lillian crosses her arms. "I'm tired of seeing your face already."

"I am sorry." Cassius looks between Astra and Lillian. Astra's expression remains unreadable, but Lillian's morphs to clear, unabashed shock and derision. "I don't expect you to accept it. Either of you. But it is true. The things I have done to the both of you are inexcusable. I won't spend my time justifying myself. It helps no one. I will merely state that I did not intend for any of these meetings to happen. I assumed you would rather want me out of your lives. I am happy to maintain that separation if it is what you desire."

"Yeah. It is." Lillian glares. "I don't speak for Astra, but after the shit you've done to my head? If you're not fixing it, fuck off."

Astra remains silent, expression unmoving.

"That is next on my list of things to discuss," Cassius continues calmly, like this is a business meeting. "I imagine you want the unadultarated truth. I did not carry out that ritual intending for it to ever be reversed. I have been attempting to find a way to undo it. I was not successful, and in this world I doubt I have the resources to ever be so. Those memories are as good as gone."

"You are a very lucky man that I don't want them back, then." Lillian steps forward, fists clenched. "You are very lucky that I am happy as I am, you are very lucky that I care more about what I can do in the future, you are very lucky that I've found my way back to Astra's side without them. If any of those things weren't the case, I don't think you'd be alive right now."

"I do not offer any consolation." Cassius seems undaunted. "But I have something to return to you. Not in the stead of your memories; nothing can replace those. But it is yours nonetheless." He reaches for the bundle, holding it out towards Lillian.

With a disgusted sneer, she yanks it away, unfurling the cloth; it falls gracefully to the sand of the beach, and a hammer, its head ornately and intricately carved, the leather binding of its shaft worn and used. Lillian stares speechlessly down at it.

"I stole it from your father," Cassius explains, taking no step back outside of the range of the woman deeply angry at him and now armed with a hammer. "I doubt he ever noticed its absence. I intended to return it with your memories. That ship has sailed. Therefore, I simply return it alone." He folds his arms behind his back. "That is all."

"Most people would figure handing someone who hated them a weapon was a really fucking stupid move," Lillian notes, voice deliberately void of any emotion.

"I am not most people." He looks between Lillian and Astra again. "Is there anything you two would like to add?"

"I've said everything I need to." Lillian returns to Astra's side, entwining her fingers with hers.

Astra is silent for a few moments longer, staring, inscrutable. "I have nothing to say to you," she says finally, and she turns away.

The video ends there.]

[smolwritingchick]

Forced To Believe Chapter 41- Making A Statement

Chapter Summary: Surprises happen at the Royal Rumble. Rosa and Morgan's rivalry gets intense.

Words: 2,000+

-----

'Sunday'

Melanie was in Colby's hotel room that he shared with Joe. She had a big bucket of ice cold water in her hands when she snuck into the bathroom to hear the shower on. She laughed silently before throwing the bucket of water over the shower and onto Colby.

"Shit!" Colby yelled and jumped in shock while Melanie laughed loudly and heard a loud thump.

"Hahaha! Did you fall?" She asked.

"What does it sound like?" He retorted and got up from the shower floor. 

She smiled in victory and walked out of the bathroom.

'WWE Royal Rumble, In The Ring'

Morgan tweets 'Ah...time to whoop some ass. #MorganIsReadyToRumble #BelieveInMe'

The diva Royal Rumble was underway with Rosa, Naomi, Brie, Natalya, Eva Marie and AJ left in the ring. The crowd starts chanting 'We Want Morgan' and they get their wish when she comes out but she walks to ringside and gets on commentary. 

"Wait, you aren't in the match!?" King asked, looking at Morgan in her Shield attire.

She shook her head. "I know I want to get back in the ring but diva battle royals aren't my thing...I get jinxed a lot in those diva matches."

"Nice takedown by Rosa as she eliminates Brie! That's shocking." Cole exclaimed.

"She's trying..." Morgan retorted. 

Rosa begins taunting the crowd by dancing and swinging her hips.

"Every single time, this is what I can't stand about her. She always dances and doesn't do jack shiz around here." Morgan added.

Naomi hits Rosa with the rear view while AJ eliminates Natalya. AJ laughs at Natalya but turns around and gets hit by the rear view along with Eva. 

"Double rear view!" King shouted.

"I love Naomi, she's awesome." she grinned. 

Near the end of the match, it came down to Naomi and Rosa. Rosa hit Naomi with a swinging neckbreaker and began to dance again. Moments later, Naomi gets up and hits her with the rear view to eliminate her as the crowd cheers.

"Here is your winner, Naomi!" Lilian announced.

Morgan begins cheering for Naomi but then Rosa begins to attack her. The Outspoken Diva runs into the ring while Rosa slides out and smirks, grabbing a mic.

"You always want to be the hero, Morgan, but you can never live up to be me," she said while Morgan helped Naomi. "Who do you think you are? You think you're so high and great just because you've been a champion and how you are in a big and popular team. One day, I'm going to take that spot. Believe that and Believe in Rosa."

Morgan rolled her eyes, not paying her nonsense any mind and continued to help Naomi. But then Rosa decided to slide back into the ring.

"Morgan, behind you!" Cole warned but Rosa grabbed her by the hair from behind and slammed her down the mat. She begins unloading on her until The Shield rush down the ramp and tries to separate them. "And now The Shield are getting involved."

Ambrose manages to grab Morgan off of Rosa by the waist and drags her back while Seth and Roman hold Rosa. 

"You bitch!" The Outspoken Diva yelled. "Get the hell off of me! She needs an ass kicking, now!"

"Try me, chica!" Rosa yelled back.

"You wanna attack me from behind!? Really!?" she yelled while Dean tried to prevent her from going after her.

"This is interesting. But I don't think Rosa and Morgan are done with each other yet." JBL said.

Later on, The Shield was shown on the titantron backstage.

"Night, after night, after night, for over a year now, The Shield has proven to be the most dominant force and the most unstoppable unit in sports entertainment history, and that comes with a price," Dean said. "We don't make friends easy and tonight, the Royal Rumble match, we got 27 enemies in the ring with Seth, Roman and myself. But The Hounds are on the loose tonight and all 27 of those superstars are gonna get tossed, and flung, and dumped, over the top rope."

"Yes sir, one by one they are gonna fly and they are gonna fall," Roman added, earning some cheers from the crowd. "It's just gonna be the three of us, that remain."

"And at that point, it truly becomes every man for himself, now only one of us can go on and main event WrestleMania, we do get that. But when the Rumble is done, and one of us is left standing, The Shield, will still stand united."

"That's what I'm talkin' about. But I gotta tell you, boys, I know you can notice my energy, my swag is off the charts right now. I'm feeling confident that I got the winning number tonight."

Seth made a sound and looked at Dean. 

"Oh yeah?" Dean asked.

"Yeah," Roman replied.

"What number you got?"

"You better stay tuned. You'll find out later."

"If I tell you my number, will you tell me your number?"

"That sounds good, go ahead, shoot."

"I'm not gonna tell you my number! How do you know if I don't even have two numbers?"

"Nobody has two numbers..."

"I got all the numbers, all right "

"Hey! Hey!" Seth interrupted. "Look, it doesn't matter what numbers we drew. The only number that matters tonight...three." He put up three fingers.

Morgan 'Hmphs' and the camera showed her sitting down on a chair and looking at her phone as the crowd cheered. 

"Thanks for forgetting about me." She looked up at them.

"What do you mean?" Seth asked.

She smirked and stood up. "I just thought you should know that I'm going to be tweeting all night. And I want one of my hashtags to trend. Hashtag, Morgan's Hit List. I have a couple of people I want to take down tonight. And to prove myself. Oh, and by the way Roman..." She stepped up to him while he looked down at her. "Um...you better check your swag 'cause somebody may steal it."

The Shield watched her walk away, wondering what she meant. 

"What was that about?" Cole asked.

"Oh, I like this. This is going to be good." JBL said. "I got a good feeling tonight."

"Tell me," King demanded.

"We'll have to wait and see," JBL replied.

"Tell me in my ear." King insisted.

"Nope."

'In The Ring'

In the ring were 3MB, Seth, Punk, Jimmy Uso, Kofi, Jack, Alexander Rusev, Goldust, The Great Khali, and Cody while the Royal Rumble match was underway.

Morgan tweets 'Let me get this straight...3MB are STILL in this match? They should have gotten eliminated when they got in the ring.'

At ringside, Kofi got attacked by Alexander Rusev after he got eliminated and was planted on the barricade. 

"Kofi is out the ring but he hasn't been eliminated," Cole said.

"That's right, Kofi is still in it." JBL looked on.

Morgan tweets 'I know something awesome is about to happen. I'm waiting to be amazed Kofi. #Fly'

Kofi stands on top of the barricade and leaps and catches the ropes on the apron as the crowd cheers.

"You've gotta be kidding me!" Cole exclaimed as the superstars looked at Kofi in shock.

"Oh my God." JBL chuckled.

"What!?" King exclaimed when Kofi got back in the ring, getting hyped up.

Morgan tweets 'Holy crap! That was sick! I love it, Kofi! You rock!'

"He's hopped on chairs, he's walked on his hands, he's leaped from the barricade and into the ring," Cole said.

"Unbelievable," JBL exclaimed as the crowd began to count down again. "He's awesome!"

"He's a Royal Rumble Highlight Reel."

"I just said he can't fly but I believe he can," King said.

'Sierra'

'Hotel'

'India'

'Echo'

'Lima'

'Delta'

'Shield'

"Who is number 11? The United States Champion. Dean Ambrose." Cole announced as Dean walked out. Ambrose does the wave with his arm and runs to the ring.

"Well guys, this makes more of an uncomfortable situation," King said while Dean went after Kofi. "Two members of The Shield in the ring at the same time."

Morgan tweets 'My baby! My sexy Lunatic! Go get em!'

"Seth and CM Punk have been in this match up for 15 minutes so far," Cole informed while The Rhodes Brothers tried to eliminate Jack Swagger. 

3MB continued to gang up on Khali and they tried to eliminate him but had a hard time.

Morgan tweets 'Please get 3MB out of that friggin ring. #ASAP #ThreeManFail'

The match started to become a back and forth match, with the superstars trying to survive and prevent themselves from getting eliminated. The crowd begins to count down again and Dolph Ziggler comes out to a huge pop from the crowd.

"The Showoff, entering his 6th Royal Rumble match at number 12," Cole said while Dolph ran into the ring and got on the top rope to hit Dean with a dropkick.

"Whoa!" King exclaimed from the impact. 

While Dean is leaning on the turnbuckle, Dolph leaps on his and starts punching his face but gets grabbed by Punk and Seth. Dolph stumbles down the mat but begins to fight with Dean and tries to prevent himself from being eliminated. 

The crowd chants 'Let's Go Ziggler' before they count down again. R Truth runs down the ring and quickly goes after Dean until Seth and Dean gang up on him.

Morgan tweets 'That's right boys, take out the fresh man early.'

R Truth gets on the apron and punches Seth out of his way but gets dropkicked out of the ring by Dean.

"And R Truth eliminated!" Cole exclaimed.

"R Truth didn't last very long," King said while Jimmy got on the top rope but Seth caught him and Dean threw him out the ring.

Morgan tweets 'There's always 2015 Jimmy #YouCantHandleTheShield'

Dean and Seth regroup while Kofi gets on the apron. Jack Swagger hits him with a big boot but Kofi grabs it and leans all the way down. He takes off his shoe and leans back while having his feet up on the bottom rope. 

"Kofi is still in this!" Cole exclaimed while Kofi had Jack's shoe in his hands.

"What do you have to do to get rid of this guy?" JBL asked. 

Jack gets in between the ropes but gets hit by his shoe and Kofi gets back in the ring while the crowd applauds him.

Morgan tweets 'Kofi needs to be a back to back Slammy Award winner for Best Escape Plans for the Royal Rumble. That was sweet! Well done! I virtually applaud you.'

"This guy is like a cat, how many lives does he have?" King asked. 

The crowd begins to countdown again and this time, they go wild when Kevin Nash's theme comes on.

"Oh!" JBL and Cole exclaim.

"What!?" King yelled in a high pitched voice while Nash walked down the ring. "Are you kidding me!?"

Kevin gets in the ring and eliminates Swagger as the crowd cheers. Dean and Seth regroup and try to go after him but Kevin quickly takes control.

Morgan tweets 'OMG! #ItJustGotReal Go Kevin Nash! He looks great! He still got it even though he never lost it.'

Kevin tries to eliminate Dean while he tries to hold on. 

"Ambrose, I don't know if he's signally for help but I don't think anybody is gonna come to your aid Dean," King said while the crowd counted down again.

Seth leans on the bottom ropes while Punk gets in between the ropes and tries to eliminate him.

'Sierra'

'Hotel'

'India'

'Echo'

'Lima'

'Delta'

'Shield'

"He's the muscle of The Shield, Roman Reigns, who said he's gonna headline WrestleMania," Cole announced

Roman jogs down the ring and goes to ringside. He runs towards Punk and dropkicks him in the head to save Seth as the crowd 'Ohs'

"Did you see that?!" King asked.

Morgan tweets 'Damn Roman, those dropkicks are wicked!'

Morgan also tweets 'My boys are all in the ring. I hope they raise hell and dominate. I'm rooting for you! #Represent #BelieveInTheShield'

Roman quickly cleans house and spears Cody. Kofi goes for the Trouble In Paradise but Roman catches him and throws him out of the ring. 

"And Kingston eliminated!" Cole exclaimed. 

Dolph runs and hits Roman with a DDT. When they both stand up, Dolph runs to jump on his back but Roman grabs the ropes to throw him off. He runs towards him but Dolph gets speared as the crowd 'Ohs'

"God! What a spear by Reigns!" Cole continued. Roman turns around and sees 3MB taunting him. "What are they doing?"

"They are making a stupid mistake." JBL retorted.

Morgan tweets 'Wow...3MB is trying to stand up to Roman. Congrats #YouGrewASet #WantACookie?'

Morgan then tweets 'Actions speak louder than words, #ArmyOfOne #MakingAStatement #HeyEyesOnMe #TheFourthDiva'

Goldust, Roman, Seth, Dean, Cody, 3MB, Dolph and The Great Khali were still in the ring. 

"Let's see who is coming out next." Cole anticipated.

"10!"

"9!"

"8!"

"7!"

"6!"

"5!"

"4!"

"3!"

"2!"

"1!"

'I've had enough I'm taking you down, taking you down.'

"What!?" King screamed in a high pitched voice.

"Yes!" JBL yelled.

"No way," Cole shouted, shaking his head in disbelief. "So this is what she meant by saying that actions speak louder than words."

The Shield snap their heads to the ramp, looking confused. Punk turns his attention to the stage and smirks. 

"This is going to be good." Punk said. 

Morgan walks out to a big pop, wearing an attire to represent the CZW days which was jeans, a black tank top that stopped above her belly button, a black hoodie with the sleeves pulled up to her forearms and fingerless gloves. Her hair was curly at the ends too.

With the hoodie on her head, she took it off and put her hands on her hips, looking around confidently.

"Whoa, wait a minute, where is her Shield attire?" Cole asked.

"I don't care, Morgan is here! Yes!" King cheered. "One of my favorite divas!"

Morgan shrugged. "Couldn't resist." 

"I cannot believe she is in this match! She is in the Royal Rumble!" Cole shouted.

The Outspoken Diva looks in the ring to see all the superstars looking at her. "Ooh, I like the attention." She said and turned to the camera. "I'm the fourth diva! The fourth one. This is going to be interesting." 

She gave the camera two thumbs up and turned her attention to the ring. She does her taunt and spins around as the crowd cheers loudly.

"Here we go! The fourth diva to be a part of the Royal Rumble!" JBL announced while Morgan put four fingers up before tagging some hands.

She walks up the steps and slowly gets in by the middle rope while all the superstars stop what they were doing, to watch as she gets on the turnbuckle and does her taunt again.

"Let's friggin' go!" She yelled while the crowd cheered loudly in response.

"When's the last time we had a diva in the Royal Rumble? The last woman was Kharma right?" King asked.

"Oh yeah, and Kharma scared Cole." JBL laughed.

"Not funny..." Cole retorted.

"He had that ridiculous wrestling outfit on too." JBL continued.

The Fans tweet 'Yes! Yes! Morgan is in the Royal Rumble! #NowThisIsBestForBusiness'

'Yep, she's Chyna's Mini Me all right. 4th diva in WWE history to be a part of the Royal Rumble.'

'So that's why she kept putting up four fingers. Go after 3MB! #MorgansHitList'

Booker T tweets 'Oh shucky ducky quack quack! Morgan is in the Royal Rumble and she looking fine tonight.'

Titus tweets 'WWEMorgan101 deserves a five yard penalty for looking fine tonight #SorryNotSorryAmbrose'

The Bellas tweet 'Oh WWEMorgan101, you love to get down and dirty with the boys. We'll be rooting for you! Represent the Total Divas'

Rosa tweets 'So this is the reason you didn't want to be in the diva battle royal WWEMorgan101? How bold, but you won't even last five minutes in the Royal Rumble and that's a fact!'

Bayley tweets 'Yay! Go WWEMorgan101! I'm sending a virtual good luck hug!'

Cameron tweets 'Yeah gurl! WWEMorgan101 betta work!'

Eva Marie tweets 'Once again, WWEMorgan101 takes my spotlight, but oh well, I'll still cheer for her. There is always next year to be one of the divas in the Royal Rumble.'

Morgan jumps off the turnbuckle and looks at the superstars, staring at her. 

"What?" She looked confused. "You all are creeping me out. Take a picture, it'll last longer."

3MB takes Khali down and turns to her. 

Heath taunted her by having his arms out. "You think you'll last in this match, little girl? This match is for MEN. Not little girls, like you."

"Get out of the ring!" Drew yelled and started to gang up on her but Morgan stood her ground and began to slowly smirk.

"Do we need to make you get out of the ring?" Jinder asked, getting in her face but she pushed him away.

"Step back." She retorted.

"You think we're scared of you?" Drew asked.

"Try me." she motioned them to come at her.

"This is too funny, come on boys." Heath started walking up to her. "Let's teach this woman a lesson."

"Okay, you asked for it!" She hits Heath with a spinning kick in the face, dropping him to the mat as the crowd cheers. 

Drew and Jinder look down at Heath in surprise and glare at her. Morgan's legs began to have a mind of their own and went into survival mode while Drew and Jinder lunged at her. She quickly ducks their clotheslines and kicks them down. All of a sudden, Goldust, Cody, and Dolph began to go after her.

"Step away!" She warned while The Shield watched on, still processing that she was actually in this match and didn't tell them. 

Goldust, Cody and Dolph were about to lunge at her but she drops them down with a kick to the face too.

"Kick, after kick! She's not messing around, she's serious about this." Cole said.

"She told me she had some unfinished business with Orton," JBL replied.

Morgan looks down at Cody, who was the last person she kicked and runs her right hand through her hair.

She turns around to see Punk and The Shield leaning on the ropes, watching her.

"Hey, how ya doing?" She waved.

------

Favorite Hashtag?

#SorryNotSorryAmbrose

#NowThisIsBestForBusiness

#MorgansHitList

#HeyEyesOnMe

#MakingAStatement

#TheFourthDiva

#ArmyOfOne

#YouGrewASet

#WantACookie?

#BelieveInTheShield

#MorganIsReadyToRumble

#BelieveInMe

#ASAP

#ThreeManFail

#Fly

#ItJustGotReal

#YouCantHandleTheShield

#Represent

[jonathancjones]

what's your opinion on fandom drama? i would like some advice, if it's okay to ask.

I admit I've been hesitant to answer this and I don't really know what you're involved in or what your 'drama' is or what side of it you're on (hell it may be over considering I took a million years to get back to you) but I will state some things that may be helpful to keep in perspective. Allow me to be brutally honest with you. If the drama you're in relates to you liking/disliking ships or characters, let it be really. Someone bashing a ship or character you like is subjective and at the end of the day a battle of opinions. Unless you like something with a pretty universal ire directed towards it (rape/ped*philia ect) then you're entitled to like whatever the hell you want. Someone saying mean things about it shouldn't change your opinion (it sure doesn't change mine) and I find it amusing that people think if they yell louder/talk more it makes their point more valid and can somehow 'convince' you.

If the drama is more personal, I can say it with my entire heart that people need to go outside/practice getting out of parasocial relationships/separate themselves from the internet/get therapy because it's very unhealthy to exhibit the kind of attitude that goes into false virtue signaling/callout culture. I can't imagine being that obsessed with someone and letting it consume you to an unhealthy degree. Don't let it fool you, someone trying to make you a pariah because they feel like they've suffered an 'injustice' by you and using people as ammunition by turning them against you is nothing short of immature and a symptom of something toxic and very unhealthy. If someone does that, I have no choice but to believe that they are mentally ill and need help. They are making it about them, and that's purely the fact of the matter. Just because someone did something to someone else to make them feel this way, doesn't mean it'll happen to you. Relationships are electric and dynamic. You don't know what others are going through with each other and not everyone has the same chemistry. Some people just don't get along. Sometimes two people are abusive together who otherwise would not be with others. People also change after going through drama. There are a lot of factors in this. It goes without saying that the guilty party always outs themselves through their own paranoia and guilt. Putting out someone's light won't make yours shine brighter, in fact it just makes what you've done stand out all the more.

Also, if you have been made into a social pariah in the past, then you should know the grief and pain and not want to do it to others. Be an adult and just not acknowledge the situation and go on your merry way. Also, I don't know about you but I don't need to be 'warned' about anyone. I'm a grown ass adult and I can make decisions about people myself. I don't need someone telling me that their petty drama with someone else makes them 'a bad person' and I should 'stay away' from them or you're 'protecting the fandom'. Again, it's about them and weaponizing numbers against those they feel invalidated by to make them seem more 'in the right'. It's pure insecurity which circles around to my first point.

Also, once you try and silence someone you have lost the conversation. People can be wrong about you, and in most cases (unless they are accusing you of something illegal) I think it's just best to let them. They aren't people you need to associate with. Honestly? Who cares what a bunch of randos you'll never meet, who do not really know you think of you? Those who have gotten to and know who you are and keep you close matter more than popularity and meaningless numbers that will mean all of jack and shit once you leave/show disinterest in a fandom mean more. Trust me, cherish those who stick by your side. The goal in fandoms is to have fun and enjoy something with people who make you feel safe and loved.

I've always had the attitude of 'play with whoever shows up to play' and I think more people should adapt to that.

If you're the one trying to weaponize your insecurities and turn people against each other- suck it up and accept that people will be friends with others you aren't. Let them have their autonomy and right to choose. You don't have to 'like' it. You can in fact, blacklist/block it if you think it's best for your mental health.

I am not sure if any of these thing help you, but I can say after over 30 years of roleplaying these are things I've found useful in my endeavors. I hope whatever you're involved in (whether directly or indirectly) isn't anything too serious/dicey. If you really need to, taking a hiatus or limiting your time online or on this site is also something that may help you if you're feeling overwhelmed. It can make you come back refreshed and concentrating on your friends/support and people who truly matter.

Often times coming to a place, day after day where you feel hated or bad isn't good for your mental health and you absolutely have to put yourself first. People come and go, and bad people step out to leave a space for a good person to step in. At the end of the day, you're the one you go to sleep with every day. You're the one staring back at you in the mirror, and I cannot stress how important it is to take care of that person.

[wyverndragonborn]

My personal review of Sea Of Solitude

I really don't review games very often, and this is the first time I've done so completely unprompted (This review will likely contain spoilers). I played this game on Switch, in English. Everything from the scenery to the controls to the voice acting was perfect. I'm an absolute sucker for collectibles, so the bottled messages and seagulls definitely added something for me. Along with that, the messages added to the story itself, the background of the character we play. The narrative is powerful and emotional, and it really hit close to home for me. It's not often that a game makes me cry but this one managed it multiple times throughout.

(Note I'm adding part way through writing the next part- I am really trying to make this good but my brain is deciding to be a little robot monkey playing cymbals instead of working :/ apologies if part of this is mid)

(This is turning into more of a summary than a review-)

[Spoilers start here, it's up to you whether you read past this but initially not knowing added a lot for me tbh. I got this game just because it looked neat and I felt I would like it.]

I loved that I didn't know right away what was going on. In most games I prefer to know what I'm doing but this just felt right. A journey that I'm stumbling through until I get my bearings. My favorite part of the first level is definitely the school. You get to know what your brother is feeling, and, for me at least, it makes you angry. You have to help him. The entire time you're trying to get to him you hear the words the bullies flung at him and it pushes you forward. And next to that is guilt. Getting to know through the storyline that you let this happen without even knowing it.

Part of what hit so close to home is that I myself am an older sibling with parents who can't stand each other anymore- and I've felt the guilt that this game tackles at points. The idea that if it wasn't for me, they could have left each other whenever they wanted. There was a rift between the mother and father characters in this game. They couldn't communicate, the father was so focused on getting enough money to keep his family happy that he couldn't see how unhappy they were. The mother was exhausted and lonely, and couldn't even speak to him about it without him being upset (going off of in-game dialog). They were both tired. They didn't know what to do. They just turned it into anger.

You end up in the same position as the character's mother. Walking on eggshells with someone you're supposed to love. And you just keep trying to help them. You keep trying to tell yourself everything is fine. Telling yourself that you're the problem.

One thing I knew I wanted to mention in this is how it starts to feel at a point. I'm not great with numbers or keeping track of what chapter I'm on though. You start to feel tired, emotionally, from helping the people you knew. And I don't mean that in a bad way at all. It feels right for the topic. You have done so much to try and help, but you can't join the people you've helped. You're still separated. And you start to wonder if your fear, that horrible monster that blocks your path, is right. Maybe you can't fix it all. Maybe it's pointless. But you continue on anyway.

Ultimately, you need to help yourself.

Over all, I cannot overstate how much I love this game. I can definitely see myself replaying it, which isn't something I usually do for games without a lot of endings. I would recommend it to anyone who likes emotional narratives, exploration, and games with monsters. Absolute 10/10. End of the game was spoiled a bit by my brother who can't take anything seriously though, so best played alone or in serious company.

[rhediix]

Well, it's been a year...

My dad died a year ago on the 21st of January. It's been a solid year's worth of existing in a world without him. That's less stress, less judgment, less anxiety, and less of family.

I spent most of my adult life wondering what it would be like.

My dad was a dichotomy: he both loved his kids, and would do most anything for them. This is in contrast to being a right bastard and emotionally (and physically) abusive throughout his life when he didn't get his way, or when others were doing things that he thought should go another way. He was manipulative, and cruel. I never bore that out as a youth, but both my half brothers did. I only experienced it later in my life.

To the outside world he was a saint. Everyone loved him where he worked, his friends would tell you about how he'd help the homeless out or any number of charitable deeds. I honestly do believe in the fact that he'd give the coat off his back for someone in need. It's just that this stands in such contrast to the absolute and utter chaos of his home life.

I could list a litany of things I put up with as a kid, which were treated as 'a funny story' which now would be considered 'abuse'. And my half brother Kevin and I have spent the better part of this year digging deep and coming to terms with events and kind of recategorizing them for what they are and healing from that.

Last Night I had a very lucid dream where I was walking through the neighborhood he grew up in. I stopped in at an old diner he used to frequent and ordered some cheese coneys and couldn't get the words out. I had to excuse myself and went outside and saw a procession carrying a casket with him in it. I got a call from my other half brother Gene who said he couldn't make it to the procession but wanted me to lead it.

I declined. He got mad at me and I said that I was done and began to walk away when the casket opened and he strolled across the street to me.

He said he missed everyone and didn't want it to be like this (pretty much the moment he died the family split). Those who back his ex-wife and those who don't. He said he didn't want the separation. I looked at this figment directly in his eyes and said "too fucking bad...you did this. This is your legacy. This is what you left behind". I then said "I still talk to my brothers. That's all I need. I was never close to any other family, they all back her and I don't really need to have heart to hearts with people I don't know, people who insult the memory of my mother, and insult my niece and her kids. No. The family is fragmented. In time it'll heal, this will all be memories but you've left it with her. This is not what you wanted, but it's your comeuppance." He then uttered "take care of each other at least". To which I said that I would. He then sat down and said he failed. I looked down at him sitting in a gutter and said "Tabetha told me that I had to stop the martyr complex years ago. You looked like a fool. You acted like one too. People aren't your puppets. They're gonna do what they're gonna do. You didn't drive them to this. They chose it. You can't control everything. And you sure as hell can't get everything you want".

He sighed and looked up and me and said "I'll see you around son. Tell Tabetha I love her too. I love Kevin and Gene. Tell them." I was about to say "they know". And he was gone.

I then spent another fifteen or so minutes this morning reflecting on things before coming to this conclusion: He's gone. You will recall the good times, forget the bad, learn from the mistakes, and go forth. All you can do is what you are capable of doing. You can only control yourself.

I remain in a gulley where I'm even keeled on his legacy of help, and wanting to forget the anguish he's caused.

The only solace is that there's peace now.

[waywardxrhea]

Part Forty-One: Sisters

[slow burn romance between Steve Rogers and SHIELD agent Emma Baker]

Warnings: 18+, contains humor, fluff, mental health, family trauma, romance, angst, language, violence.

installment list

Word count: 1.1k

Emma pays a visit to Natasha.

One day Emma heads to the Compound to talk with Natasha in person about something that Rocket told her in an email the day before. When she arrives, Emma doesn't find Natasha in any of her usual spots. As she begins to wander trying to find Natasha, she hears piano music playing faintly from somewhere in the distance.

Inclined to see who is playing the piano, Emma goes to investigate and follows the sound to the gym where she sees Natasha dancing ballet beautifully. She silently enters the room to watch but is caught quickly by Natasha and her instinctual awareness of her surroundings. Natasha quickly turns off the music and says, "I'm sorry, I didn't expect you for a little while longer."

"No need to apologize. I didn't mean to interrupt," Emma tells her. She pauses and adds, "Your dancing is beautiful by the way."

Natasha smiles weakly and replies, "Beauty and grace in dance were instilled in me from a young age. Dance was one of the only things that made me happy in the Red Room though so I still do it when... well when things get to be too much for me." She takes off her ballet shoes and continues with a quiet laugh, "When things got hard, Steve had the punching bags, you had music you blasted, Sam cooked, but me? I've always danced when things got rough. Up until now, it was a secret I kept to myself."

"Well it can still be a secret if you want," Emma replies and pretends to zip her lips closed and tosses away the fake key.

"Thanks," Nat replies.

As Natasha stands up after taking off her gear and disconnecting her phone from the speaker, Emma asks, "If you don't mind my asking what got to you? You know what made you need to...dance it out and all."

Natasha sighs. She contemplates not saying anything at all but knows that keeping it in isn't helping anyone so she asks, "Can you make some of that famous tea of yours and we can talk?"

"You've got yourself a deal," Emma replies with a smile. After Emma makes the tea she sits down across from Natasha and asks, "So what's on your mind?"

Natasha takes a sip of the hot tea and admits, "There are just some days where I can't handle it all. I miss everyone so much and I feel useless because I can't find a way to bring them back..."

"I know how you feel..." Emma tells her with a sigh. "I didn't leave the lodge for the longest time because I got in such a bad headspace in blaming myself and trying to figure out something to bring them back."

Natasha wipes the tears from her eye and asks, "And you're doing fine now, how'd you get out of that mental space?"

"I couldn't have done it without Steve," she replies. "He finally got me in a place where I could start talking about my feelings instead of holding everything in and that really helped. Being away from all of this probably also helped to separate me from it all. Why don't you try that? You can come live with us again if you want so you don't have to be here reliving what happened all the time."

"Someone has to be here in case something happens, you know that."

"But just sitting around here the past three years hasn't helped your mental health at all, Nat," Emma tells her sadly. She studies Natasha for a few seconds and asks, "It's not just waiting around for the possibility of saving everyone is it?"

"Maybe you're good at this whole reading people thing, Baker," Natasha tries to joke. "But yeah, it's not just waiting around for that. It's also been trying to track down Clint."

"Track him down? Didn't he survive though?"

"Yeah, he did. And that's the thing. Out of his whole family, he's the only one who survived and it broke him. Lately, he's been operating under the name Ronin and killing crime bosses around the world. While that is good for controlling crime and all, obviously there are other more ethical ways that he could be doing that," she tells her.

"Oh God Clint..." Emma whispers. "And you haven't been able to reach out to him?"

"Nope. Phone always goes straight to voicemail and texts are left on read," Nat replies quietly. "I've tried tracking him down but he's my best friend, he's always one step ahead of me because he knows how I operate in and out on these kinds of things."

"I could help if you wanted," Emma offers.

Natasha shakes her head. "While I appreciate the offer, I couldn't take you away from your calm life with Steve. I also don't want you back in the headspace of blaming yourself like before. I can't have anyone else end up like him."

"Well, what about Rhodes? Can he help track Clint down?"

"He's been all over the world trying to help get things back and running. Even after three years, there are still some places in disarray and chaos. He doesn't know about Clint as far as I know and I don't plan on telling him."

"Banner?"

"He's...he's been MIA," Natasha sighs. "The last thing he told me was that he was trying to figure out the whole Hulk situation."

"Damn..." Emma whispers. "And Thor still isn't doing great?"

Nat shakes her head, "Hell I think you've talked with him more recently than I have."

"Well, the only time I can get ahold of him is when he's playing that dumb video game that just came out, and every time I try and get him to talk things out he kills my character and blocks me," Emma tells her. "I can only come up with so many usernames before I run out of ideas."

"Damn..." Natasha whispers. The two sit in silence for a minute in sadness about the disorder all of their friends are in.

As Emma finishes off her tea, she asks Natasha, "Hey, how about to keep your mind off of things, once a week I can drive up here and we can spend quality time together? I play the piano, you dance, and we get all the bad feelings out so things aren't so sad all the time. I can tell you're lonely and I want to be here with you when I can."

Natasha smiles and nods. "I would really, really like that. Thank you, Emma."

So that's what they did. Every week, when Natasha was feeling lonely she would call Emma up for a dance session. Emma would play the piano in the living room area of the compound and Natasha would dance until her feet bled. The freedom of dancing liberated her from the confines of her thoughts so she didn't care about the pain. During this time, the pair strengthened their bond into one that could never be broken, from a bond of friendship to a bond of sisterhood and love.

next chapter

taglist: @mrsevans90

[mypeacewithreece]

I don't want to take the power away from you, but you don't want this to be your burden. You don't want this on your conscience, your heart. Am I correct?

So, This falls on me.

You have made it very clear that you won't be with me until Jared is out of the picture. I'm choosing to not remove him at this time, thereby "forcing your hand" to choose her.

I love you. You don't need to give her up.

God is giving you what you've wanted.

You thanked me for my voicemail. But did it really cross a boundary you've put in place? She doesnt push your boundaries. I do. Was it unwanted. Did you listen to it last night after talking on the phone with her all night? Did you read my other posts on here after the angry one you posted? (Those questions are rhetorical at this point .)

You said you were struggling yesterday...

You thanked me for softening, you tell me you just need to know that I love you, that I am your rock.

I love you. Always.

Its hard to end this with me. I understand. You're making this easier for me by showing me where you are during this process. I'm not angry and you don't need to respond. I mistakenly called you twice yesterday and mentioned that I hoped you would check on here because I thought my words would help, not manipulate. But here I am doing the wrong thing again. Waiting for you.

You said you were going to make yourself more alone to be in touch with God. But this feels like you're allowing yourself to go no contact with me pain and guilt free because that's what "we" decided. I don't really know what you're going through. Just from what I observe and feel. What was this really about. You just needed a break from me, relief from this? You've said that many times when I didn't have you backed into a corner.

God has set this time up with her perfectly for you this past weekend. You don't need to question where you are with her or worry about where she thinks you are. You don't need to worry where we stand either.

I need this separation more than you do. Pain causes growth. I'm glad God gave you someone to help you through this process. You've told me what you need. I have tried to end it with you so many times and again on Monday And here we are. I feel the same way I did that day.

I learned yesterday that my need for speed and my sense of urgency gets me in trouble. I react in haste. I react to make a decision so one is made rather than weighing the results carefully.

I am not in charge of this. But I am in charge of what I keep allowing to happen. I need to heal also and forgive myself for what I've done. Then I'll be ready to be a new person for you.

You will get up tomorrow and talk to your girlfriend, read Tumblr (maybe not because of the heaviness that it could bring) then head to work. Your work day will be busy, doubtful that you will have a chance to be careful with your words And post on Tumblr, then call her after work and end another night with her.

Such is your routine. How is it you have even less time for me now. As busy as my life is/ will be, I have made you a priority to the best of my ability. You have made her a priority which allows you to feel loved and cared for. This in turn is you loving yourself and making yourself a priority.

The truth is, now that you're official, you will have more obligations to her. They are unspoken but they are there. Things will change in your head, maybe in hers. I don't know. I can't get caught up in that. CAN'T.

Starting on Saturday, Aug 12, The world didn't crumble because we didn't talk as much. The opposite occurred, you reached for peace with her. You made it official with her "naturally".

Monday we decided to go "no contact". As if I believed Ireally could. But at least in my attempt, I have given you a reprieve from this. My emotions.

I don't know why next Monday is a deadline, we can stretch it longer. Not to decide to be together, not to share what we've learned. We can decide to continue our lives separately. If this is the way we go "no contact" it won't be so bad.

This will get easier. You have your bandaid. I will find mine.

I guess we'll wait for our time. You deserve to know its the right time And feel it in your gut. I deserve to know that you're with me of your own free will.

1:11am 8/16

[ohfiendangelical]

@unpossession SAID:    Dear Zero, I'm in a better place than the last time we spoke but still have many circling thoughts. So I thought I'd write you this letter, a more fitting goodbye for us, maybe, even if a large part of me wishes that it wasn't goodbye. It probably won't be. LA is apparently much smaller than I ever thought it would be and we're far more tangled than even I had realised when we were together. I miss you. I don't miss all of the running away and crying so much, the shrieking and the horror. At least not right now, though there are separate hours in the night where I do and I won't deny they are as loud as this part now, missing the way your hand felt in mine and the smell of your hair. You've told me to block your number and have my meltdown and you're right. I do feel better for it. It still makes me sad to think that it all came to this. You're wrong about a few things, and you wont believe me when I tell you but I'll tell you in writing. You said I don't even like you, but I do. You're wicked. I mean it the same way that I meant it the first time, and even if I can't get myself to embrace what you've made me right now, I don't judge you or reject you for any of it. You're horrible and mean and cruel and you hurt me very badly. You could say the exact same thing about me and it would be true as well. We are the same muddy reflection of one another. Seeing different things, the same things. You don't know me and I don't know you. You're afraid to know me, I think. I should be more afraid to know you. I was, before. But my eyes are open now. Awake. Sentient, like you said. Write me back if you like. I miss our letters. Otherwise, I'll stay away. I love you. You say it'll pass. Maybe it will. Willow.   ☆     send FANMAIL!

Zero is immediately weary when he sees the envelope. He doesn’t really want to know what she has to say. There’s nothing she could say that hasn’t been said already, anyway; he knows her talking points and is uninterested in revisiting them, no matter how eloquent and introspective she makes herself sound on paper. He’s exhausted—and more than that, he’s bored. This stopped being fun a while ago, and even the poetic drama of being strung along is losing its color. 

He drops the letter into the trash without opening it and goes about his day. 

Several hours later, he goes to throw away a candy wrapper and is confronted with the envelope again. He’d forgotten about it until now—which is some progress, at least—but he’s annoyed to find himself curious. I should’ve burned it, he thinks, pulling it from the bin. 

The paper smells faintly of garbage. This small lack of pretense soothes him. 

He only reads the letter once. It doesn’t need to be poured over, not this time. He’s done pouring over her words, especially when it’s everything he expected it would be, give or take. The only thing that really gets under his skin is her almost wilful misunderstanding of what he meant by sentient—but even that is appropriate, he thinks, in its own way. Emblematic of her wilful misunderstanding of him. 

He folds the letter neatly and drops it back into the trash. Opening his phone, he looks at the one-sided text thread, his every private thought met with an automatic message could not be sent error. He laughs a little at his own dramatics, deletes every bleeding-wound text he tried to send, and blocks the number.

Domino scampers across the floor and stands on his hind legs to demand attention. Zero scoops him up with a laugh, putting him on his shoulder. He cuts up an apple and feeds the smaller slices to his little friend.

Maybe he'll throw a party tonight.