#i can't say that they will ALL be answered due to so many asks rn

[tonycries]

tony can we send you random not dirty thoughts as well? just random thoughts?

RIZZING YOU UP TO SEND EM MY WAY NONNIE 😈😈

[thatdiabolicalfeminist]

Imagine you're cozy at home, doing exactly what you're usually doing when you scroll tumblr at home. Someone knocks on your door. A couple of teenagers from your neighborhood are there, holding a 1yo baby who is fussing.

They tell you their dad is really sick, he has cancer and is having surgery on Monday. Their big brother, the baby's dad, lost his job after the auto shop where he worked was destroyed suddenly. He hasn't been able to find other work.

They don't want much, just a few dollars, they don't want to bother you, but they have to ask a lot of people because they have no other way to get money.

All the charities have said they can't help, too many people need help rn and there's not enough to go around. The baby keeps having problems with malnutrition, and they're worried about the costs of their dad's surgery.

Does your answer change if those kids aren't white? If the reason they're homeless now is because they are of an ethnicity being targeted for extermination? Does kids being far away make you feel like they're not your responsibility?

James Baldwin wrote that the children are always ours, every single one of them, all over the globe. Do you believe that? I do. Every child deserves whatever help and support they need. Every single one. As adults, we owe them protection and care.

That's why I'm asking you to think honestly about what you actually can do to help these kids.

This isn't a hypothetical family. Ahmed, the kids' dad, really is scheduled for surgery on Monday. Nader, aged 17, is real and on Tumblr begging for his life and the lives of his family and a lot of people are shutting the metaphorical door in his face. It's largely due to his hardworking determination and perseverance that his family has gotten so close to their goal.

This is their family btw. Just normal people who probably never expected to be in this situation. Look how cute baby Iman is!! Aren't those kids worthy of your help? Aren't their parents, who have been struggling to protect those children, worthy of community care?

Please help them. You can probably spare $5. Maybe you even have more. Maybe you have family members or friends who could help more if you asked and showed them who they'd be helping.

Those kids are, actually, in real life, right now, asking for your help. What will you do?

Verified here (#4)

[zachfoxx121]

Okay so I really really really like Russell Adler

Here are some of my favourite headcannons for him. (Featuring other cold war characters)

Alright so first up is his past!! Bro was born in 1937, between WW1 and WW2. He knows both German and Russian, so I like to think either his mom or dad (hell, maybe both) are immigrants from around those areas of Europe. To push that, his file doesn't say where he was born, just the date he was born. And a language is arguably easier learned if its in a household than in a book. Pronunciation and all that. Maybe his parents/one of them were Jewish too, and thats why they immigrated to the USA? It's also debatable if he was even born in the USA, since as I before mentioned, his birthplace isn't filed.

This headcannon is kinda borrowed, I cant remember who I original saw say it, but due to Adler's scar he has trouble/can't smile. It happened after 1968, but before 1981. When you ask him how he got his scar, he doesn't give a truthful answer, like Parks had said. "Oh I had trouble with a girl," "missed and fell," or "a tiger got me." My biggest guess, just from how it looks like a shrapnel wound, is its probably embarrassing. I like to think it was from a mine, maybe even a helicopter accident. But due to its position, it mightve damaged some facial muscles, and makes it hard to upturn a side/both sides of his lips. With scars, depending on how deep, nerve endings get fucked up and make it hard to move certain muscles, yknow?

This ones a bit silly, and has to do with Bell (I always play Bell as male, so sorry if I say "he" instead of "they" as their pronoun.) because I'm such a sucker for their relationship. Since Bell just kinda gets dumped on him, and their about the same build/height, I like to imagine he just dumps all his old/unwanted clothes into Bell's closet. In his file people he works with have described him as fashionable, and I don't know how good he gets paid, so he might go through clothes pretty fast to keep up with the times.

(Also for fem Bell, I imagine it's the same as this but with Park's old/unwanted clothes.)

Building on that, hes probably fashionable so wherever he is he doesn't seem out of place. With his scar it may be a bit difficult to blend in, but if he wears stylish enough clothes thats probably what grabs people attention more. "That guy had such a nice jacket," "did you see his shoes?" Even the difference between his '81 look and his new '91 do good to show his ability to keep up with fashion.

This headcannon is a bit more for Bell, but depending on which occupation you give them (CIA, MI6, ex-KGB) I like to imagine thats the accent they have post brainwash. With CIA, he has Adler's accent, and MI6 he copies Park's. With ex-KGB just a russian accent, which would probably be more realistic since it can be difficult to literally change an accent, but bro was experimented on so much it could have!!

I mention Adler in that because I like thinking of Bell saying a word and everyone being like "why'd they say it like Adler", because even in the USA theres so many accents!! Like even Mason and Woods have slightly different accents, especially if you think about the og voices in bo1.

This headcannon is a bit sad (and a big spoiler for the end of the "Good Ending"). After Adler shoots Bell, I think he stayed to make sure Bell was really dead. To make sure they bled out. In that though, I think he let Bell have one of his cigs, even smoked with him while he died. "Least I can do for you, kid." He didn't let Bell die alone. I really think it was hard for him to kill Bell, but he just had to shut the feeling down because it was (most likely) an order. Even though its probably more likely he shot Bell in the head, better than Arash did.

Anywho thats all I feel like typing out rn have fun with these some of them are constantly playing in my head!!!! :)))

[merakiui]

Oh so real!! Aaa I would love to learn more about RSA. It's been, like, what? 4 and a half years now? They've gotta give us something eventually!! (coping) I do think in general we should get more fun traveling events. I know we're getting those obviously with the hometown events, but I'd love to learn some more about the world that isn't the few countries surrounding Sage's Island? Like we still have no idea where Sam's hometown (Port O' Bliss) is! Though considering what Sam's twisted from maybe they could be saving it for something like halloween??? They probably won't tbh but it WOULD be really cool.

I want to update and say I unfortunately did Not pull b7 eel cards (Jade got me to about 87 before the banners ended, no chance to pull on Floyd 💔 so greedy) so I'm handing in my Jade lovers card and twirling his poor twin around. Floyd wouldn't do me and my savings like Jade did. Trust. This does remind me actually to reread some of your Floyd fics ,, it HAS been awhile I fear

It is a really cool feature!! And AAAA I LOVE BARB !! We share,, many fictional men. Right down to my poor poor childhood crush on Kyoya. Reiji though has plagued my brain for YEARS I would love to see what all you think of him if you ever do read a full translation!! There's been fan-made english patches made actually for the first two Dialovers games on the vita if you have a pc and patience with the silly silly world of emulators. It's how I did his Haunted Dark Bridal route :-) and goodness what a trip that game is!! Ohh Reiji and Laito the interesting little critters you are,,,,

Vampires though in general,, auughfhh,, I think about vampire fish a good bit honestly. I can't remember rn if I've stumbled across any works like that but maybe I should check ao3 after this,,, for science. of course. Also don't worry about answering these quickly or anything. You could respond to this in a month and I'd still have the same joy reading your response as I would if you'd responded immediately. So always take your time.

(Also I wasn't sure how to throw this into my ask, but have you ever shared your twst friend codes here? If not, would you be open to doing so? If you aren't it's totally chill!! But I'd been wondering for awhile :]! )

- :3 anon

Begging twst for an RSA event!! OTL I want to see the inside of RSA and see more characters from there,, more Neige and Che'nya!!! Omg and it would be so fun to learn more about places beyond Sage's Island and the other areas nearby. I would love more Sam crumbs, especially hometown crumbs!! Thinking about a Princess and the Frog inspired Halloween event,,,, AAAAA THAT WOULD BE SO AMAZING!!! OTL OTL hoping with all of my heart for something.....

No eels... (◞‸◟；) I am sorry you couldn't bring either of them home. Those rotten eels!!! ( ｡ •`ᴖ´• ｡) how can they be so troublesome and slippery!!! Friendship ended with Jade. Floyb is the new bestie and he would never treat you or your savings in such a disrespectful manner! Certainly not in the way Jade did. I hope he will comfort you more than Jade ever could. <3

We are on the same wavelength, :3 anon!!! Immaculate taste as always for us hehehe!! We are passing the fictional men around and letting them spin in our brains like conveyor belt sushi! I definitely want to learn more about Reiji because he was one of the brothers I sort of,,,, ignored due to my lack of interest. ^^;;; but now I am very intrigued. What do you MEAN he creates drugs and potions and other nefarious things!!!! I fear I am not immune to a cordial smile and the drugs slipped into my tea (winking and nudging Reiji). How terrible it would be if attractive vampire with glasses did that to me...... uuwaaaa,,, I want to be able to play those fan-made patches!!!! One day I shall have a PC that allows me to unlock full gamer potential like Idia. >:D haunted dark bridal route sounds so fascinating... 👀

AND LAITO!!!! Dare I say,,,,, what if Cater x Laito crossover!!!! Cater in Laito's outfit,,,, VAMPIRE CATER?!?!?!?!?!?! OTL my brain chemistry was irreversibly altered when I first watched that church altar scene in the anime. LAITO, THE VAMPIRE THAT YOU ARE!!!!! Truly the most interesting of critters.

Vampire fish my beloveds. AAAA I just love vampires. <3 gothic vampire Azul is amazing, but I also love modern-day vampire Floyd....... and of course vampire Jade who loves playing with the cute vampire hunter who is after him. Many thoughts for those three. May you find plentiful vampire works in your very scientific ao3 search!!!

UUWAAA you're too kind and patient,,, 🥺 thank you so very much... I would feel so terrible if I responded as late as a month later!!! orz but it's a relief to know you would still be happy to read my thoughts. Please also take your time in replying!! There is never any rush.

:o I haven't shared it before!! Here it is below! Feel free to add me as a friend! My profile is very Rollo as of this moment. I hope my level 105 tako card can be of use in battle. 🐙 ✨

[apocalyptic-partners]

[This is a transcript of the first of many recordings. A purple haired girl with dark skin was holding a camera. The recording was blurry and zoomed in.]

Does this thing even work… And are we even sure it’s safe to begin with?

[A boy with fair skin and black hair grabbed the camera, and tapped it a few times before it went back to normal vision. You can now see that he wears a coat and trousers, with a cowboy hat that puts a shadow over his face and bandana that covers his neck. The girl wears a short-sleeved turtleneck and an overall skirt that falls just above the knees, with a witch hat that also partially hid her face.]

Electronics don’t contain any magic, silly. Plus, it just turned on. OH- Well in that case, I’m Beatrix and this is Just. Howdy folks!! We are two survivors of the apocalypse. [pause] If… If anyone finds this, they’ll probably know what we’re talking about. But just for a rundown, all magic has become corrupted due to uh, currently unknown reasons. Anything magic-related speed up the control of the user’s -and victim of the said magic- mind and body. We suppressed our magic so we wouldn’t succumb to the corruption as quick when dealing with em, Anddd, we have a semi-secure base to keep away the Cursed! Yup! We’re making these recordings as a log. But logs aren’t supposed to be this long, so I think we should wrap it up. Ah- right. Try to contact us with our radio if you can! See ya around, partner.

[There was a click, and the recording ended.]

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

//ooc

This is an ask blog run by @goldeneclipsee (me) and @thecowboyofautism (oomf). Most asks answered by me will have art, but I can’t say the same for cowboy. We’ll just have to see how it goes, I guess ;)

I'll try to art

Also, as of now just will not be having art, I can't draw rn

Every ooc thing I write on this intro post will be italicized, unless it’s info

When the camera or radio is lost or broken, asks will not be answered. However you are allowed to send them to speed up the process.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

Beatrix

Pronouns: She/it

Sexuality: Bisexual

Magic: Poison magic, binding chains, supression magic

Age: 16

Personality: ESTJ, stoic

Just

Pronouns: He/him

Sexuality: Bisexual asexual

Magic: paralysis magic, energy rope creation and manipulation, suppression magic

Age: 15

Personality: ENFP, silly, autistic

Reference for outfit (with sucky drawing)

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

-No NSFW

-No shipping between these two (although you can ship them, I’m not comfortable with it on our blog) (if you make ANY art with the two, dont tag this blog if its ship) (tag me with any and all fanart tho -@thecowboyofautism)

-No discrimination

-No M!A that is unreasonable or unrealistic, we say what goes

More may be added in the future.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

[coolingrosa]

Rip on losing the file for the video 🙏 And I also can't wait for the upcoming errormare video hehehehehe. But my question is: What's your advice for getting a following on this platform? Finding a co-writer as well, the plots and overall story are fleshed out by now, but I think it'd be a good idea to find someone as a co-writer, what's the best way to go about that? You don't gotta answer both I know ur a busy bee rn :3

Hello!

The thing about gaining this specific platform is that I already had an online presence prior, which is where a lot of my followers came in. A lot of individuals will send asks stating they were looking for me after finding me on tiktok or YouTube. I will say, out of all the platforms online, tumblr is fairly easy to build a platform on as long as you stay consistent with posting. I typically don’t post a lot of art on here anymore due to the fact that I’m busy building my YouTube right now and don’t have time for finished projects- but even writing snippets can go pretty far on here. There’s plenty of Undertale writers on tumblr that post Drabbles and people engage! My best advice is to stay consistent and try building an overall online presence before finding a social media platform you prefer above all. Tiktok used to be my favorite, and I focused greatly on that and now it’s…dead HA.

My Tiktok is dead and my YouTube is thriving, because I prefer the atmosphere of YouTube a lot better than tiktok. As a CC myself, the drama that goes on over there in inner circles was nauseating, and all the people who hurt me badly CAME FROM THERE so I personally don’t touch it anymore. If you grow on tiktok, try to stay safe and hold onto your preexisting friendships. I love so many people from the tiktok Undertale mutual circle but it also feels like highschool all over again.

With the co-writer question, that one is a bit tricky. Barnacle is my sister figure who I had known for four years prior to working together. My whole family knows her and treats her as my older sister and she’s lived with me for a week or so as well. There was preexisting history there that made writing together easy, as she was my writing mentor ever since I was 14 and she was 18. Now that I’m 18 myself, she assists me with things since we have that bond. I suggest testing the waters with friends first, but if you want something more professional, you could always make a casting call on Casting Call Club to see who you being in! Building my team was informal when it came to the higher ups. Only the VAS were hunted out and casted.

[radical-sainthood]

I would dm, but I've been a well known anti for a bit and that'd be a little awkward. However, programming is a morbid curiosity of mine (and thought I highly doubt it, I'm also trying to figure out if my own system is lightly programmed or if it's just me imagining things due to looking into it.)

So, I guess I have a few questions about that! I understand you can't tell me either way but you could probably give input.

So, like I said, it's an interest of mine, but I also wonder. I don't have many signs, of course, but yk. Although I do experience the following.

Experiencing dizziness if I read to far into this sort of thing (which has never stopped me, I'm stubborn as hell.)

Having an ability to tell if some of my mutuals programming is messing up and helping them through the issues (deprogramming in that case but you know.)

Wanting to program others and the "blank slates," that form in headspace sometimes and then despawn.

The fact that there's blank alters at all

Despite being mixed origin, we only get Brain made alters if they have a specific job. (Nothing harmful so far)

Wanting a "handler," of sorts, not to hurt us or anything sexual but to take care of me specifically. Like a pet of sorts idk

There's more I'm struggling to think of rn because I am once again dizzy. You don't have to answer and I'm not asking for a diagnosis, I'm just curious! I do also have general questions that I can ask instead and probably will later anyway. Thanks for being willing to talk btw! I can't find many willing to speak about such a subject. Have a lovely day/night!!

-🦌👁

This all sounds like a form of programming. Especially the dizziness and desire to be a handler.

While I can't give you any for sure points on it. I would like to say: programming can be done by as little as one person. Much of our programming (aside from the initial torture it built off of from childhood) was done by a single person.

They might use a tactic called TBMC, which stands for Trauma Based Mind Control. Essentially what you do, is you repeatedly traumatize someone and train them to give you the correct responses you want out of it. For us, it primarily looked like sexual or verbal abuse until we did or said what they wanted us to. We have hundreds of alters that exist as one dimensional fragments meant to only serve the purpose that for lack of a better term was beaten into us.

Ritualistic abuse is similar, in RAMCOA (the acronym) the main difference between RA and OA is that ritualistic abuse just means that it occurs in a regular manner in relation to other patterns or behaviors. OA is organized abuse, that is where we see cults and other such things come in. The organized layers of abuse, having a handler, having someone above your handler, etc.

A lot of our organized abuse came during childhood, where we were, in many ways, the "Special" one in our abuse. And it's why now we have alters that specialize in being handlers and inflicting abuse, because we were taught that doing that was a good thing and made the person in charge like us more.

All of this to say, that there is a HIGH likelihood you've been programmed in one way or another, it may not be to a severity of others, but that doesn't change that it still likely happened.

[awetistic-things]

hi! i'm prof dxd autism, and i know you support self dx. i have some struggles understanding it, bc i guess,,, black and white thinking and i just,,, its very hard to make that connection, bc like, i want to support it but like theres also like, bad experiences with people claiming autism to weaponise something or all the news about fakers which might not even be true but like. im at the point where this is my view:

i support self suspecting a diagnosis, but not self diagnosis bc i think there needs to be some degree of seperation. like you can research one condition but have another, so self suspecting and accommodating is a good thing, but self diagnosis isn't because you don't have like, the full picture, and you need someone else to analyze it, so self suspect, not diagnosis. (sorry if not clear im kinda out of words rn)

but i also recognise that that view isn't really correct anymore, but im having trouble changing it so i guess what im asking is do you have any account to follow/things to read to support self diagnosis so i can change my views. totally cool if you dont want to tho. anyway bye! have a nice day. sorry.

hi 👋🏼

i can't find any specific blogs, but i do have a few things to say:

getting out of the black-and-white thinking is difficult, and i appreciate that you're trying to do so

self-diagnosing in general can be life-saving (when done right, which most of the time it pretty much is, regardless of what you see online) whether it comes to autism or breast cancer. so often, people get passed up and can't get what they desperately need due to discrimination within the medical community (and every community) so they have to take matters into their own hands

a lot of the time even when people go to get evaluated for autism, the doctor is the one who says they "suspect" the patient has autism and then don't give a diagnosis at all (happened to me three times before I got officially diagnosed) there are so many autistic people who go to get evaluated and get straight-up turned down right to their face, which usually leads them to self-diagnosing because there’s nobody willing to actually ‘analyze’ them in the first place (/nm, this reads as passive aggressive i think, but that’s not my intention, i promise /gen)

even if you are officially diagnosed there’s no telling that you’ll get any ‘analysis’ information after an evaluation (most of the time it’s just a paragraph or two) which is why self-diagnosing can be so incredible, because that’s when you get to analyze your own behaviors and traits and work through your internalized ableism so that if you do end up getting a diagnosis you’re not blindsided and have (hopefully) already accepted the fact that you are autistic

essentially what i’m trying to say is that so, so, so many psychiatrists and psychologists have internalized (or fully conscious) prejudice which heavily affects their analyzations and makes self-diagnosing so often times necessary

honestly, i think self-diagnosing is the first step in acknowledging and accepting that you’re autistic

i think many autistics who were officially diagnosed and were surprised by the fact that they’re autistic should look at it from a self-diagnosed autistics point-of-view

and by that i mean actually taking the time to forget whatever your doctor said about how you operate and instead analyze your life, because it’s yours, and nobody knows it better than you (especially from a 30 minute evaluation in a converted supply closet)

sorry if any of this came off as aggressive, it’s all genuine and i do very much appreciate you asking me this question and i hope my numerous different answers helped somewhat :)

[minevn]

(I'm sorry for the mistakes) Are you okay? Sorry to intrude, but I hope your mental/physical state is ok and you are taking good care of yourself! (^-^*)/

Hi! It's okay, thank you for asking! I typically like to do asks in order, but I thought this would be a good ask to kind of get things out there and talk about what's been going on with me and Mine!

As for if I'm okay, I don't really know. I can't say I'm okay but I know that it could be a lot worse(because I've felt way lower then this before) I'm not really sure how to take care of myself other then repressing things but I am seeing a therapist and we've been talking about how to handle my emotions as they come. I do wish that I was able to see a therapist before my repressive coping habits took over but due to circumstances I'll get into later I just wasn't able to.

As for Mine stuff, I am still very slowly but surely working on my asks. I do have a few done but once again I like to answer my asks in order. Last night I thought it would also be smarter to do my asks backwards from how I've received them so that way I could just que them all up instead of writing the first ask I got and then lacking motivation and ideas for the later asks. I guess rn I'm going through a bit of writers block? I think it's that mixed with my extreme lack of motivation. As for my event, I have thought about lowering the number and then raising the numbers again for a later milestone! I tend to always put a lot on my plate and 50 requests may have been a bit more then what I could handle as of now. Another thing as well is that even though I love drawing, I don't draw super often. I get hit with random waves of motivation and it's very easy for me to lose that motivation. So I have the sketches mostly done for the drawing requests I've gotten, but if I have no motivation to draw then the drawings turn out looking wonky and just all wrong and then I'm no longer proud of them. I still plan on doing the events and I'm so sorry that my lack of motivation happened like as soon as I hit 100 followers, It doesn't feel fair to you all but I seriously cannot thank you enough for your continued support. Everyone has been so nice and no one has come into my dms rushing me with anything, seriously thank you all so much for that! Another thing as well is that Mine is not my only story, if you follow my main account I have most of my stories listed there and there's like over 50 stories. it's like that because I have so many ideas but once again I lose motivation so easily, and as mentioned earlier I like to put a lot on my plate, I don't like to just work on one story at a time and it causes me to get burnout which I'm sadly going through with Mine. I was answering asks nonstop when I got them, getting asks motivated me to get up out of bed, I was so happy and overjoyed to get asks, and don't get me wrong I still am! I love getting asks and seeing what ideas you want me to write for, although I was also overwhelmed at first, I had gotten so much support which I hadn't expected to ever. I honestly wasn't expecting anyone to like my stuff but I was ready to still work on Mine because I work for ME. But I wasn't happy with how the sprites were turning out, I wasn't getting inspiration for any music soundtracks, and I'm struggling on the script, I've got Minato's week planned mostly but it just feels so BORING! He's the first route, it needs to drag you in a bit more. So far there's been like no yandere tendencies which sure maybe that fits for Minato, but I'm just not proud of it at all so I need to rewrite Minato's week planning. The more I wrote asks the more I felt disconnected to these characters, it felt like I wasn't writing them like I was before, which I tried telling myself that it was fine because when I first made this blog Mine hadn't even been in the process for a year and I thought we could go through developing these characters together, but it just didn't feel right. I also started to dislike their designs. I felt that I had designed more interesting characters before and they just felt so boring, I like their hair and faces, mainly clothes design is where it felt lacking. Jun, Aki, and Yani have the designs I like the best honestly, their clothes feel more intricate.

Anyways yeah that's me and what's been happening, sorry for the long post and venting. I'm still working on asks when I find the motivation to and I did make some progress on them a day or two ago. I hope I can get out of this slump and come back better then ever. Once again thank you all for being patient with me and for supporting me still! I love you all!💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

I'm going to go a bit more in depth with things, sorry for the long post! You don't have to read what below if you don't want to, it mostly explains more of what's been happening with me, but I've also touched on a lot of my reasons for not posting above! Honestly I lot of it is venting, so please don't read if you're struggling with any below!

TW FOR SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, DEATH, ABUSE(?), MENTAL ILLNESSES

So a couple years ago I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and I didn't really understand it, like it didn't feel like it's affected me that much but I've learned a lot more about it and can definitely see in which ways it has impacted me. When I started Mine I wasn't exactly in a high state of Mine but getting asks and seeing people like my work for once in my life really raised my moods, but I really struggle with staying happy. No matter how much I want happiness to stay, it always leaves. Right now I'm going through one of my lows. Honestly, I typically ignore my lows the best I can, It sometimes work and sometimes it doesn't, this is one of the times where I can't repress my feelings, and as mentioned earlier I do think a part of it is because I've been talking to my therapist about embracing the negative feeling, admit that I'm not happy and work through it instead of hiding it. Not that I blame my therapist, I'm really hoping that it works and I'm choosing to listen to my therapist because I want to get better, honestly I could've ignored everything she told me and kept repressing my feelings but I want to be happy so I'm really trying to embrace the fact that I'm not okay and work through it! I don't know how long this low will last, but when I get out of this low I want to work on Mine and get the same excited and happy feelings I had when I first started. Mine might go through some changes but overall I want these characters to have the same personalities and backstories, the only thing that might change with them is their clothes.

Along with my bipolar disorder, I've been diagnosed with major depression with psychotic features, anxiety, ADHD, and PTSD. Needless to say these all impact me greatly. The lack of motivation, struggling to get up out of bed or go to sleep at a normal time, and even eating and drinking and going to the bathroom. I've always found it easier to take care of others rather then myself because that's just how I was raised. To always put others above myself. As I've gotten older I realized that that's not how that should work, but it was already pushed into my brain and I still struggle to take care of myself. I'm always stressed, can't sleep right and I can't wake up before 5pm. Sometimes I'll sit in one spot, fidgeting while I wait for some motivation to strike. But I can't even think because of course when I think my mind never goes to good things. Thoughts about just wanting to give up(Which don't worry too much, I won't do it, even if the thoughts get to be too much), my repressed memories coming back, mom and her death and neglect before dying, dad and his temper tantrums, my grandma and how she's one of the only people in my life to care and love me, and how I wish I could talk to others easily but of course my mind gets fuzzy and I can't speak and how almost all of my friends have left me, how I feel defective and unlovable. The thoughts don't stop, every time it just gets worse and worse and I can't stop questioning what I did wrong and why no one wants to be my friend. People just use you and then toss you out when they're done and it's so cruel, I want someone who actually wants me in their life and who values me as much as I value them, someone who treats me like a person with actual feelings rather then a robot or an object. But it's so hard to find people like that, as I said there's a lot of cruel people out there and to those who aren't cruel I have a hard time trusting them due to past experiences and I know it's not fair to those kind people but gosh being vulnerable is so hard. And I know it's really early to question if I'll ever meet anyone I can trust 100% because I'm only 18 but gosh do I know about death, I know that death doesn't care about your age. I could die later tonight or sometime this week or next month or maybe I do die in many years, but then what about the people I meet and value, will they be taken away from me as well? Do I want to put my heart on the line just to end up losing them eventually? Could I handle another death? I don't know? I really don't, It already hurts to think about losing my sister and my bestest friend in the entire world, I'm already so lucky to have them in my life, what if I lose them too?

I'm going to start getting into things that I didn't get into earlier this post. I put it down here because it might be triggering and I didn't want anything too sensitive to be at the beginning, I want people to be able to skip this stuff for their own mental health. As mentioned earlier I wasn't able to get therapy for a bit because I didn't have a legal guardian. My mother passed when I was 11 and I've never met my biological dad. My sister I mentioned earlier is my half-sister(I call her sister cause it's easier and no matter what she's still my sister) and her dad took me in very shortly after my mother had passed(I won't be calling him my stepdad, once again because it's easier to just say dad and no matter what he's still my dad, no matter what grudges I have against him) Anyways I didn't have a legal guardian for 6 years, finally getting adopted in January. I had no insurance as well(Btw I don't blame my dad for any of this, he kept getting scammed by the shitty lawyer. So yeah I couldn't get therapy and well I learned how to repress my feelings because of my dad, because y'know he can throw tantrums and be angry and cry all he wants but god forbid someone else is angry or sad. Looking back at it though, mom played a part as well, she just neglected me and didn't give a shit and I learned that no one cares about me.

On a lighter note because gosh I need it. I don't plan on going until I get out all or most of my stories! But my stories have a lot of morbid themes and concepts. One because me too, but I still think it's important to touch on things I haven't been through because others might have and it's a morbid world. I want those people who feel alone in this world to feel seen and heard. Abuse does happen, death happens, suicide is very real, hate crimes happen every day and yet I feel people don't talk about it as much as they should. Like sure the topic will blow up, but after like a couple weeks or months, boom it's forgotten and that's just...wrong. I plan on making it very clear that the topics I write about in my stories are not meant to idolize or romanticize these topics or to make jokes at them, it's just that messed up things do happen. I know how it feels to be and feel alone, like no one will ever understand what you've been through, and I want my stories to be some kind of comfort for those people. I'll put clear disclaimers and tw's on my games and stories so those who don't want to witness that stuff can avoid it. I understand that as well! Like yeah the world is messed up but I already go through that and I don't want to see it in media and stuff, I've definitely been there too. I think I want my games to encourage people who might be struggling to not give up though! You see these characters go through something tough but they're still alive and they get there happy ending(Though not all of my stories have happy endings)

Anyways yeah that's me and what's been happening, sorry for the long post and venting. I'm still working on asks when I find the motivation to and I did make some progress on them a day or two ago. I hope I can get out of this slump and come back better then ever. If any of you are struggling with anything mentioned above, I hope you're able to get help, please don't give up, you're important! Once again thank you all for being patient with me and for supporting me still! I love you all!💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

[la-cocotte-de-paris]

Hi!

3. Do you feel your age?

7. Which fashion trends did you love?

8. Which fashion trends did you hate?

Hey hey!

3. Do you feel your age?

HELL NO I feel 20 at most. Maybe 21?? Not 23 lmfao and being 23 so far has been weird. This whole year was weird tbh. Too many downs and a few very high ups. Also the idea that next year I turn 24 sickens me and terrifies me. However when I was in France and chatting with new people from all over the world, I realised most people in my age range (and probably everyone in general) feel at least 2-3 years younger than they actually are due to COVID, given many countries had restrictions and lockdowns either continuously or frequently over a three-year period or so. So that explains the not being able to register my actual age, at least partially.

7. Which fashion trends did you love?

It's funny bc usually I hate the current fashion trends but this year I felt like I was actually aligning w them by chance?? I loooooooved the dark feminine trends (including makeup) really catching fire. And the old money looks, and also the long black winter coats. Gorgeous. The chunky heeled Mary Jane shoes was also a trend I adored (and actually participated in lmao).

8. Which fashion trends did you hate?

Hmm I'm sure there were many but oddly enough I can't think of any rn?? Maybe some of the Y2K revival but not all of it? I thought some of it was a vibe. There was one person (influencer tbh rip) I followed on ig and their style changed a lot - I really dislike it now (I think it's hideous actually and imma say that out loud - their hair doesn't suit them, they wear clothes at least five sizes too big for them and they can't pull off the look at all, some colours they wear a lot look gaudy on them or don't complement their natural appearance...) but hey whatever makes one happy. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Tbh idk why I still follow them - I don't find any of their content interesting and haven't for ages.

In terms of makeup (adding makeup bc sometimes that helps bring a fashion look together) however I do find the over-blush kinda clownish lmao - mind you I didn't see much of it in Ireland or France (the parts I was in, at least). It can be cute but you gotta know what you're doing. And I've never liked freckles so doing the faux freckles on the face never made sense to me - but that was more 2022 and maybe early 2023 I think? I'll update if I can think of fashion specifically.

Thank you for asking!! <333 Sorry for the long answer ahahaha -_-" :P

End of Year Meme

[doumansshrine]

‼️LDR ANGST FANFIC‼️

POV: What being naive gets you.

Warnings: Base on true experience mixed with false areas to make it a better angst fanfic♡

Him=CY

You wanted to try dating again after breaking up with your first love, you built a 3 month relationship with a new guy and you felt like you started to love him since he was quite friendly and was a sweetheart, you understood that he was having problems at home and could relate to the amount of problems at school, you openned up to him easily, easily persuaded by his words... you allowed him to see what you thought was alright.. you taught him how to do things since you thought talking about it was ok and thought that the relationship was going to click together by the 4th month.

You start to realize that he doesnt talk much anymore by the 4th month, you try to spark up a conversation and didn't think much of his behavior of justing leaving you on read and only replying in dry messages until he started asking why you wanted to schedule play times (deeming it as "always wanting to play") being forgetful about the fact that it had been a week since the two of you talked, you forgave him and then he asked for a break from you, you allowed it.

A month later, you text him and he gets angry, saying "I'm busy rn" only to later admit that he was playing badminton with his sister without saying anything, you forgave him. The next week you actually get to spend time with him, noticing how he would always try to stay out of school life topics, you only realize now that it's weird how he never talks about his friends, family, or school works, but you didn't think much of it.

You start to notice how saying a simple "Hi" would only get you the "I'm busy rn" reply plus the "I'm doing my assignments" reply, it's been happening like that for a month and you try to understand even though you couldnt understand how he has so many assignments to deal with everyday since you have seen him work his assignments before during many video calls, so you shrug it off.

You try your best to not start another petty fight with him, being cautious with what you message him, worried that you might kill the conversation with a slip up and he might not want to talk to you for the rest of the night.

By New Year, you send him a happy message of "Happy New Year" only to get a "I want to break up with you" reply, he explains that he wants to get better grades and focus on his studies more because he can't keep up with you wanting to play Roblox with him. You couldn't do anything at this point as he wouldn't respond to you anymore, you could only cry, trying to message him, begging him not to go and you start thinking of where and what went wrong in the relationship once again.

By the next month, he messages you, wanting to reconcile with you again since he was doing better in his grades but you start realizing that you and him aren't talking much, much worse than before so you search up his name in many social apps and follow all his accounts due to wanting to see what he does in his everyday life since he doesn't talk much to you. You find many posts tagging him, you realize that it was all posted in a time where he said he was busy but you only smile, thinking that he just needed days to also play with his classmates and friends and knowing you got your answers and didn't need to be worried about anything even though his massages were getting dry and you were worrying about him everyday, wanting to have a normal conversation with him again without his usual response, you missed it when it was the 1st to 3rd month of the relationship since now, he never flirts with you or say any sweet words.

You slip up again whilst trying to vent your social problems and he gets angry since you were annoying him again and that you should vent it to someone else. You fail to understand why he would get angry but shrug it off.

By the next month, you try to speak up since you missed him a lot and you were getting bored of him moving your quality time days further and further until he forgets about it, he angrily replies to your messages until you ask him about the many posts he was tagged in, he tells you to stop stalking his socials and you could only sigh and stop stalking him since you wanted to respect his privacy.

At this point his "I'm busy rn" messages were almost an everyday occurrence, you still asked like a stupid person, knowing what he would say. You've always noticed that wall between you and him for a long time now and want to break it, but no matter how hard you tried, he always seemed to put a barrier in your face everytime you tried to strike up a conversation.

You have already placed your friends aside for him, you fought your friends to defend him even though you yourself couldn't understand why he wouldn't open up no matter what you did. You thought that maybe he was going through something and made different excuses for him whenever your friends would point out that something wasn't right.

A few days later, another fight starts with a petty reason, the fight started all because you sent him a relationship post and he was irritated with you sending relationship posts, the fight cools down and you sigh, wanting the old him back until he starts admitting that he was annoyed with you wanting to talk to him everyday, you forgave him. He admitted that he liked another girl's post and said he had a crush on her, you forgave him. He admitted that he used the message "I'm busy rn" every time you tried to talk to him because he wanted to be away from you for a while longer, you forgave him. At this point, he was admitting to so many things that broke your heart, every message he sent was like a dagger stabbing you until he ends it with an "I want to break up".

He blocks you on every app so that you wouldn't text him again.

You could only feel anger and sadness at the same time, you try to comfort yourself with the vivid image of his face and voice, crying every night until the image of his face and voice were vague, you could barely remember what he looked like nor what his voice sounded like, you were afraid to leave him yet you regret pushing your friends away just for him and regretting for letting him see a vulnerable side of you.

You make another account, stalking his accounts and other socials for 3 months until you realize that the vague image and sound of his face and voice were no longer vague, it was as if they were now vivid in your memory, you also realize how much of a creep you are as before sleeping, you remember his face with a smile as your brain remembers the sound of his comforting voice many months ago when you vented to him for the first time.

It was a weird thing for his face and voice to bring you comfort until you realize that you truly loved him but being just like your dad, you realized it all too late as you could only laugh at the lingering pain in your heart.

It was only then that you realized that he helped you see how you acted when you were truly in love, and you felt a bit fucked at the realization, thinking that he might've seen you as a creep.

A year later, you meet a cute fellow, he was easy to tease yet now you feared the "I'm busy" reply and you were slightly careful of what you said to him, not wanting to slip up since you were worried that this one would leave you once you realize that you've fallen in love with him again but the bad habits that were indented into you by CY left deep scars as everytime the cute fellow became quiet, you feared another fight and you feared that you slipped up on your tongue again and made him angry or uncomfortable. Yet the worst case senario you could realize was happening now before your very eyes and you were now just repeating the same old mistakes once again when you realize how you were acting towards him, forgetting that he isn't him

Old habits really do die hard huh? HAHahahhaha... Yet you still yearn to be able to rest the trauma and embrace the warmth of his love that he is offering you.

I still pray and hope that he will be the one, the person whom I can rest comfortably with and trust to calm the trauma that still makes me cry till today.

꒰⁠⑅⁠ᵕ⁠༚⁠ᵕ⁠꒱⁠˖⁠♡The End♡⁠˖⁠꒰⁠ᵕ⁠༚⁠ᵕ⁠⑅⁠꒱

[neptuniadoesstuff]

My part lol

(may or not be very long so yeh this is why it's here) vvv

Noir:

QnA

She doesn't really know. She's more neutral tbh.

Not really. She doenst even know the geographic of Tamrial itself other than that of the Isles. Which is not apart of Tamrielbut then again I'm not sure if geographics are even taught.

Her DemiPlane is pretty similar to the Mortal realm, but with some hints of random stuff not seen in the Mortal realm. One of them being strange pastel crystals which is actually syrup coming from strange white trees. It's main region is the square (aka the village/city She created from her mind) but there are other regions but she... doesn't really talk about them at all. (Unless it one of those regions where she keeps a certain Dunmer in)

HCs

This may or may not be true- I however didn't really do much with her lore so-

She doenst even want to touch em or be near them. So she just let's Mirage (her 2nd dad thing aka Caretaker) do the work. Minus the fact he uh.... is a menace doing so-

Y e s . J u s t y e s . (Well she does still blink just not when she's staring at someone who just committed to worse crime to her eyes)

Dr. Jeremiah Cyberthorne:

QnA

He focuses on mathematics, machines/tech, & biology

Not really, Especially during the war he became pretty paranoid that he & the ppl he's close to will die. (This paranoia has lasted since his great grandmother died from a freak lab accident)

No one knows why he was chosen. Although some speculate that his family have a very close bond with the Royal family for generations.

HCs

Y e s (but isn't a hoarder bcs he has 2 D R A G O N E T S A T M )

Prob

I can't deny or agree with this... but let's just say... he may or may not does-

Isma:

QnA

When she & him were still well... Humans, they met at a Cafe. That's really it tbh. (Bcs Isma can't really remember when or how since it's been quite a long time she's been ded)

She has, but decides not to, bcs Malice WILL KNOW! (Speaking of Malice, ill get to him soon)

Isma comes from a Arabic/Egyptian background. (Yes she can speak Arabic) So she thought it be a nice name to name the child since 1) it's a Arabic name, & 2) she thought it was pretty

HCs

Actually she does have a rattle, although she can make the rattle go silent bcs she can

I really dunno how to answer this tbh. (I can't think rn)

Hmmmm maybe

E.N.A:

QnA

She has many times. But primarily for mission bcs her creator, Dr. B, is paranoid that she'll suffer the same fate as his duaghter, Ina.

They became fused with the fragments of Ouroboros, which turned them into monsters. (Also bcs She wanted to have some control in her life w/o being considered "a robot" by the others)

Shes mostly human (bcs her brain is still intact minus the fact the lower half of her human body was turned into mushed meat). But she does have a inhumane ability which is to basically copy whatever fragment that is from a primal god & turn it into a weapon mortals can use.

HCs

This is all true. However the scientists do wear anti-shock suits when near the "AIs".

She can still somewhat feel it, but only fragments of it. (Which makes her embarrassed on why she's so different from the others)

This is all true. While yeh still has her past memories, they're pretty blurry in the sense of... Well... She's frikin unded, & was sorta ded for awhile before being turned into the AI we know today.

NOW ITS MY TURN TO ASK THE QEUSTIONS!

Peter:

QnA

Has he told Isma that he's trans?

How does he feel about being a messenger for Harmona?

Has there a instance of someone looking at him like they would want to make a meal out of him bcs well... Bird

HCs

Possibly very scared of reptiles unless it's his wife.

Very much sorta paranoid that he forcibly shelters his kids but doesn't realize it at all.

May or may sleep during the day, but mainly due to stress in the time he should actually be sleeping.

King Malice:

QnA

What is his opinion on common/normal foods that isn't the stuff he would eet/drink all of the time?

Has he EVER murked someone over a small insult that was made to him?

Has he ever been a relationship with anyone during his reign as the God of Beauty & Violence?

(Extra) How does he feel about being called "Adder" (aka his original/mortal name) by Harmona?

HCs

May or may not dabbled in cannibalism before.

Despises Vallah bcs he think he's better than her EVEN THOUGH she can spite him in a instant.

Has a "Sober" form where he basically is tired 24/7 & his jelly reverts to a normal grape flavor & his hair becomes a blonde. Also is a pale white color with eyebags. (Only will happen when he isn't allowed wine for a certain amount of time)

Gynaephora:

QnA

How did she feel about her father dying?

Has there been other dragons she met in RoR?

Does she wish to go back how things originally were before being the queen later in life?

HCs

Likes making snowmen for funsies

May or may not wear a cute lookin hoodie.

Over all a complete gremlin who may or may not be seen "annoying" by others

Mr. Casanova (FNV Alt):

QnA

So like... how in the world di he become a White Glove? & if there's a reason why, then why?

Does he enjoy eeting other humans? Is it bcs of the taste or smtn else?

How did he form his group/gang?

HCs

Possibly knows about Sanchi's lil crush on him but doenst talk about it bcs why not

He likes to name his weapons after types of flowers, but primarily roses.

Will often have his hair down when under complete stress or very depressed. (Also I think he may or may not tie his hair in different ways just bcs)

Q & HC Swap W/ @neptuniadoesstuff

Noir:

Questions

What are her opinions on each of her (close) relatives?

Has she been to many of the provinces? If so, what are her thoughts on the ones she’s been too?

What is her demiplane like- or, even, what are its regions like if there’s variety

Headcanons

Her magic grows unstable during extreme emotions- more and more so, to the point that if she ever has panic attacks er watch out- random objects will be summoned and flying around everywhere- or spikey ice shield or smth

Hates spiders- buut is a bit overkill when it comes to small ones, and will cast full on fireball on a daddy long leg

Literally doesn’t blink unless using it in a ‘what the heck’ sort of way

Cyberthorne:

Questions

What field(s) of science does he primarily focus on?

Does he leave the city he’s in often?

How / why was he chosen specifically by the queen?

Headcanons

Loves plasma lamps- probably owns like a dozen (could stare at them for hours)

Uses really long words- not to sound fancy he just likes them- then gets confused why nobody understands what he’s saying

… May lick salt lamps, tho he wont confirm nor deny this

Isma:

Questions

How exactly did her and peter meet? (Since methinks we only planned Diamondback and petrus’ meeting?)

Has she ever considered running away from Malice with Peter so they can finally be together without their respective gods breathing down their necks?

How did she choose her daughter’s name?

Headcanons

Despite not having a rattle, when she’s angry somehow shaking her tail produces a rattling sound (funky spirit stuff)

Can easily scale walls with her claws- and her footsteps are completely silent

Pupils grow bigger or smaller depending on lighting and focus like a cat

E.N.A:

Questions

Has she ever left the lab? Was she allowed to- or was this completely against the rules?

Why did she eventually decide to take down those who made her?

Is she more human(?) or robot? Does she have any inhuman abilities due to her cyborg parts?

Headcanons

Really prone to giving people static shock- and also despite eating, can technically survive off sunlight or electricity.

Genuinely struggles feeling texture- kinda jealous that some people can pet fluffy animals and actually really feel the… softness?

Randomly gets flashes of her past life in dreams and nightmares- and considers them well, just that… except oddly vivid with a side of deja vu

[dootdootwriting]

hihi can i request male reader x itto where reader is overwhelmed with all the work he has to do and ends up staying all night finishing and itto like tries to get him to take breaks but ends up forcing reader to take one bc reader won't stop working and is literally not taking care of himself :,)

(sorry college is beating my ass rn aah)

featuring: itto tw: stress, "babe" used as a pet name type: angst (?) to fluff, modern au pronouns used: he/him a/n: back to our regularly scheduled content i'm literally so sorry about whatever the hell that was. anyway this is REALLY CUTE anon ty hehe

content under the cut for length! (^人^)

ITTO made a point of not worrying about studying. In his own words, it defeated the purpose because "if i was going to remember what they taught me in class, i would have put it in my memory when they first told me!" This had gotten him into trouble with many an exam.

His philosophy when it comes to bigger projects, however, was surprisingly reasonable. Every time your boyfriend was assigned a project, he tore through it as fast as possible, so somehow, he never got buried with work.

Tonight, you were buried with work. You'd been trying to pace yourself for nearly the entire day, but with class on top of assignment on top of class on top of cup of coffee, you'd quickly become completely exhausted, lying face up on the floor. You stared at the fluorescent lights in the room you shared with Itto, which didn't deign to do anything other than flicker briefly at you in response. You covered your eyes with your arm, letting out a long sigh, when you heard the door to your dorm room open loudly.

"HEEEEEEY!! Guess who's here to help the best boyfriend in the whole wide world with his stupid boring college homework!!"

Itto barged in, grin evident on his face. Despite the colder weather, he was still only wearing his typical tank and cargo shorts. He sniffed, lifting up three plastic bags no doubt filled with goodies.

You reluctantly rolled over onto your stomach and pushed yourself off the floor, gazing at him tiredly. "What'd you get? Instant ramen again?"

"Obviously! And, also," Itto added, closing the door and taking things out of the bags, "i got hawaiian bread rolls, which should be interesting, three different flavors of ice cream, a bunch of crackers, energy drinks, instant coffee, and tylenol. For your headache."

"What?" you concentrated for a second. "Wait, you're right. How did you know I have a headache?"

"Come on, babe, look how scrunched up your eyebrows are. Give yourself a break, okay?" Itto frowned at you and ruffled your head, earning him a huff from you. "You're not gonna get anything done if you're this tired."

"I can't take a break though," you answered stubbornly, "I have about five things due tomorrow and it's already ten pm. If I don't finish this, it's game over for me."

"No, it's not. Listen, if you don't finish everything, it'll be okay. Just look how much stuff you have assigned to you! Nobody should have to do this much work, it's torture! If I had to do all that I just wouldn't."

"Right, which is why I can't take advice from you."

Itto stuck his tongue out at you and flicked your forehead. "Well, if you're not gonna see reason, I guess I'll just have to show you!"

"Huh?" you asked, but you didn't have a chance to add anything else, as Itto has already scooped you up in his arms and plopped you down on the couch in front of the TV. He grabbed a blanket from nearby and draped it around your shoulders. Once you were comfortably situated, he took your laptop and books and put them in the microwave.

"HEY! What the hell are you doing to my stuff!"

"You're going to sit here with me and take a break. If you say even one thing about wanting to work, I'm turning on the microwave."

"Itto! You'll break my computer!"

Itto thought about this for a moment, then reluctantly took your things out of the microwave. "Okay, right. Got it. Just don't try anything, okay? You're relaxing now. It's relaxing time."

You sighed, giving up. It's true that your professors had uploaded an unreasonable amount of work for you to finish. Maybe if you showed the proof to those whose work you hadn't finished yet, they'd understand... in any case, Itto was right. You were overworking yourself, and you needed a break.

You slumped over into the couch, allowing yourself to sink into the cushions. Itto returned from where he'd been putting the food in the fridge earlier, two bowls of ice cream in hand and a pringles tube stuffed into his giant pockets.

"Here," he offered, handing you one of the bowls. "I know I'm not super regular-smart, but I am super you-smart, and I know that right now this is the best thing for you." You took the bowl, nodding, and sunk back into the couch. Itto sat down heavily next to you, splaying out his limbs and putting one arm around you. It was a miracle he didn't spill his ice cream all over his lap.

"Feeling better yet?" he asked, placing a surprisingly gentle kiss on your forehead and slowly squishing you closer to him. It was impossible not to feel better with how close to you he was and how far he'd gone to cheer you up.

"Yeah, I am," you said, giving him a soft, tired smile.

"Good," Itto said, grabbing the TV remote, "now, what do you want to watch? Anything's fine by me, as long as you're here."

[yukipri]

Hey! I'm a patreon subscriber and just saw your merch post. Everything looks AMAZING. I was just wondering if you've ever considered selling any of your potential leftover merch online? Bc I am not in NY rn but I would *kill* for some of your stickers and a few tote bags lmao.

Sorry if you've answered this before! Either way, just wanted to say it all looks great and I hope you have a great time at the con!

Thanks so much for your support on Patreon, and for liking my Patreon sneak peeks at my Anime NYC merch!

As stated on the Patreon post, assuming the stickers turn out well, there's a good chance that they will be included in some future promotions (perhaps not the specific stickers made for the con, but some stickers). However, because production/shipping costs makes them significantly more expensive than my postcards, they will be on the appropriate Tiers to reflect that base cost.

Other merch that cannot be included in standard flat envelopes with stamps postage are a lot more complicated. I currently do not have the bandwidth to manage shipping things, especially not managing an online store and the vast number of tasks that entails. Even attempting to do so would mean I would need to halt all of my digital content so I have the time to handle that.

That would mean zero new art. Zero new fic chapters. Zero nothing.

I would maybe need to take one month, possibly two months off to figure out an online store. I tried once before, and it was incredibly stressful and I never got to opening, and that was before I had my current very demanding job. I would assume many of my patrons would drop during my time away due to lack of content, and in addition to a store costing money to run, and the amount of money i would need to invest in product packaging/label print/everything, it would put me in a bad place financially, physically, and mentally.

In addition to that, taking that much time away from my current projects runs the very real risk of me ditching them. Without an outlet for my stories, my enthusiasm for them will wither rapidly. So there's a decent chance that I will ditch most if not all of my current ongoing AUs. If the experience is miserable enough, I may just drop my current fandom entirely to get away from the association...

Plus like. Making art and fic is what I love. I hate business and figuring out new systems and handling money and shipping and going to the post office. i would be miserable ;_; Just thinking about it makes me want to cry.

All of this to say, again, while I wish I could take your money, snap my fingers, and get any merch I choose to make into your hands, it unfortunately is more complicated than that, and I currently just don't think I have the bandwidth to handle a store. If I could quit my day job, sure! Might be possible. But alas, while I am deeply appreciative for all the support on Patreon and it helps immensely, I do not make enough on it to live by it alone.

I understand that some artists manage to have an online store, and I feel immense respect for their abilities to manage it and gratitude for their effort, which I too have benefited from by being able to purchase from them. But in the end, not all artists are the same. Perhaps they don't produce as much regular digital content as me, or perhaps they don't have a day job, or perhaps they have people who can help them. Perhaps their circumstances are the same as mine or worse, and I just can't manage my time/am an slow creator. All I can say is I'm already working at the maximum capacity of what I personally can handle, and unfortunately there's no wiggle room for a project as vast as an online store.

(this is not me asking for advice on how to start a shop, or looking for people to reassure me it's easy. That's wonderful for you, but again I don't think I can manage it atm)

If it's just leftovers of merch from the con and they're in the single digits, I may be able to reach out to patrons on a case by case basis, and just send Paypal invoices rather than opening a store proper. But I also intentionally chose designs and fandoms that do not age out and merch that stores well, so it may be better for me to keep my extra stock for my next con. We'll see how it looks after I get the merch in hand, and the situation after the con!

I may also feel more optimistic at a later date, but right now I am extremely stressed, frazzled, and tired from combo of Clonetober + preparing for ANYC next month, so just the idea of a store is...Very Bad ^ ^;

I will try to update my inprint next month though, so that all of my prints available at ANYC will be there online too!

Apologies for the long response, but I hope this clarifies my current situation and the possibility of merch online. I really wish I could do more, but I am just a single creator, who is not at all well off, who is juggling a full time job + full time content creation, and whose mental/physical state is always one sneeze away from shattering. I wish my circumstances were good enough that I could accomplish more, but I'm also grateful for what I have now, and hope that what little I can offer is enough.

Thanks for understanding!

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[pocketramblr]

Idk if you've talked about this before, but how closely tied do you think the stockpiling nature of OfA is to the "passing down" nature of it? I was thinking about how Midoriya has access to the quirks of the previous holders, and I was wondering how much of that is due to the stockpiling quirk vs First's quirk. Like, if AFO had given and taken the stockpiling quirk multiple times to people with different quirks, would it have "collected" those quirks too, since it's a stockpiler? Or was it purely First's quirk that allowed the other holders' quirks to be passed on as well? Because if it's the latter, then what exactly is the original quirk stockpiling? Before realizing Midoriya could access the previous holders' quirks, All Might said OFA gets stronger each time it's passed on. Would that mean it only accumulates the holders' physical abilities unrelated to their quirks? But that can't be right because OFA has supposedly made all the quirks it contains stronger. So if it's the former, then since AfO held the stockpiling quirk at one point, did it also "collect" a copy of AFO and Midoriya will be able to access it eventually?

i did once answer an ask with a mathematical breakdown of OfA multiplying x amount of average human strength as an example to show the difference between periodic compound interest and continuous compound interest. um, because i teach economics and i always thought that making it entertaining was the best way to get it to stick. that one had showed that izuku should have a truly ridiculous amount of strength, though i dont remember the exact numbers rn. you can try to find it on this blog... good luck.

anyway, thats not really the question you're asking, so lets get into ofa and try to science a quirk that probably is just magic.

I have answered the question below the cut in three parts, plus a lightning round to try and make sure i answered all the parts of your question.

1- stockpiling quirk vs First's quirk: For this, i am going to say that i quite like the theory that First was actually quirkless, and the stockpile quirk just took a little bit of AfOQuirk with it and thats why it could be passed on afterwards. In this situation, i think what OfA does is that the Stockpile Quirk makes a copy of everything in it's holder- their memories, their dna, their energy and vitality. It does not boost any of those until it's passed on- the Stockpile was very small and could only copy AfO's genes that had the AfOQuirk, but at tenth generation would probably copy more than that if passed to someone with AfO and with a hoard of other quirks. On being passed, it then adds to the new holders strength, while working to copy their base traits. So, First got a little stronger with a boost from AfO, and his quirk though he didn't know it, while OfA ran him through a copy machine to make a vestige to paste into the next body. Second has the strength and dna of first and afo, plus some ghosts, and could use his own while it was being copied. And so on. But that's just the "First was actually quirkless theory", so lets work on the assumption that First did have a pass-along quirk

2- First's original quirk. Which doesn't even get a name, thanks guys. We know it should have something to do with passing on quirks, and on relying on consent of the giver and dna transfer, which makes it different than AfOQuirk. AfO can steal and give, but doesn't require dna. There are even some panels in the manga that imply AfO doesn't even need physical touch to take a quirk, as it appears he steals many quirks at once by jumping over a crowd of people. unfortunately, Bones decided to just cut that scene out of season five for some reason, so it's still a mystery and maybe he's using some other method. thanks, bones. hope those last two movies you had to shove painfully into quasi-canon were worth it. Anyway, different activation methods. Now, given that ofa requires on consent of the given, it does make me wonder: if someone knew about ofa, and wanted to give an ofa holder their quirk, and provided dna for it, would it stick? Can ofa both take and give, but only based on willingness? Seems like a possibility that would have never been tested. BUT i am getting super off topic bc i am writing this answer late at night, sorry. Right, so how much of this is First's quirk? Given that it's described as the ability to "Pass on his quirk(s)", i think all of the quirk-stockpiling, including the vestiges, are from First's quirk. On his own, his quirk would collect dna, which includes quirks, and quirks are just straight up haunted. On his own, without the stockpile, he could have passed on his quirk to second, and started the line like normally, but the holders would not have gotten any boost of strength, just possibly the ability to use previous quirks. Maybe only access them if they were originally quirkless? maybe not, without the 'stress' of the stockpiled they'd all be fine with multiple quirks? Who knows. Point is, thats what i think the options are. Either 1, the quirk-vestige stuff comes from afo, first was actually quirkless, and the strength is stockpile, or 2- the quirk-vestige stuff comes from first, and the strength is stockpile.

3- So what is the stockpile doing? Ok so the stockpile is like soup. bear with me. the longer you keep your ingredients in to flavor a broth or stock, the stronger the flavor will be, right? A chicken bone and some carrots in some stock for ten minutes wont' be as flavorful as a chicken bone and some carrots that have been cooking in a stock for an hour. Basically, the stock liquid is the stockpile, and the ingredients are the user's quirks. because of this, i think that it makes sense that Second's Quirk, whatever it is, has received a larger boost from OfA than, say, Black Whip has. It's been in the soup longer. That doesn't mean it's necessarily going to be stronger than black whip when izuku accesses it, because BW probably got to start off stronger, but it will have gotten more of a boost. You can also think of it as a loan- OfA took a quirk loan out from Second way before it took a quirk loan out from Banjo, so Second will have accrued more interest than Banjo, but the total sums also depend on how much was there to start with. Man i hope these metaphors make sense. BUT, but, but, but. The stockpile only has access to these quirks to boost them because of First's original quirk (or the copy of afoquirk it took) On its own, it would have just stockpiled up strength and energy- i think of it more like interest on a checking account with a bank (you get a boost just by having money in there, and it slowly grows over time.) than like a feruchy metalmind (where you would store 'strength' to use later, at the cost of being physically weaker now). While the metalmind concept does technically fit the definition of 'stockpile' to me, i don't think thats how it worked bc it doesn't sound like what AfO meant when he talked about giving it to First. and i mean, AfO has been wrong about quirks before, but still. Interest from a bank is probably how it works. On its own, the only thing the stockpile has in its bank account is physical strength. the AfOquirk copy or First's original quirk let it open up its bank account to more, including the quirks.

lightning round-

Before realizing Midoriya could access the previous holders' quirks, All Might said OFA gets stronger each time it's passed on.

Yes but AM doesn't know a lot of things about OfA. I do think it gets stronger as its passed on, either though Option One of the past user's being pasted onto the next one when it's passed, or through Option Two of it getting stronger as its used, and more passes means more holders means more use.

Would that mean it only accumulates the holders' physical abilities unrelated to their quirks? But that can't be right because OFA has supposedly made all the quirks it contains stronger.

While OFA does make the quirks stronger, i'm not sure if it did much in a user's lifespan or only after it was passed on- Banjo talks about Black Whip being much stronger for Izuku than it was in his time, but i don't remember him mentioning anything about it being enhanced significantly during his time holding ofa.

So if it's the former, then since AfO held the stockpiling quirk at one point, did it also "collect" a copy of AFO and Midoriya will be able to access it eventually?

IMO, possible- but only in Option One where First was originally quirkless. there, he'd have both a vestige and an afoquirk to deal with. In Option Two, he would have neither- except whenever tomura stops by his headspace with an afoquirk and vestige sticking out of his shoulder.

[astrojoy]

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