#i can't remember the last time i laughed that hard on the medication

[silkanide]

>drawing some bnnuys with Christmas themed scented candles burning

>it's late at night, everyone's asleep, the kitty is sleeping on my legs and the doggy is snoring loudly next to us

>feels good man

This piece is a traditional medium remake of this by Illufinch

[icarusredwings]

Do you guys ever think about dementia Charles seeing Pietro and getting sad or becoming really happy because his poor mind connects the dots that he's Erik? It dosn't compute that this wouldn't be Erik because hes too young to be Erik rather assuming that he is young Erik and not exactly having the logic to understand that they are so differently aged.

"Oh! My old friend, you've gotten a haircut. Quite bold of you. It makes you look much younger."

".. yeah, yeah, old man.." he mutters, trying to avoid him best he can, but sometimes, when the others are busy, he can't stand to leave him alone. Coming to sit with him just to litsen to him gab about random nonsense, talking so fondly about his X-men and memories dear to him.

"Do you remember?"

"Do I remember what?"

"When Jean got her first bad grade and she cried to you about how cruel I was to her." He chuckles softly. "And all she got was a B-"

Pietro stares at him like he's crazy. Jean cried to his father? But why? He had his own children to take care of. So why would he treat her like that? It makes him a bit angry. "No.. I don't. What else?"

"Hm?"

"What else happened? With jean and my da- erm. Me."

"I believe it's Jean and I." He corrects his grammer, making the younger man roll his eyes in annoyance. Once a professor always a professor I guess.

"Sure. Jean and I.."

"You acussed me of being too hard on her, but when I explained it, you laughed... I haven't seen you laugh like that in so long.." It's sort of now that Charles remembers what's going on. Who he's talking to.

"..Im sorry. Who are you again?"

"Well you like to call me speedster."

"Pft. No I do not. Mr. Maximoff.. you've grown so big since the last time ive seen you."

'You just saw me yesterday' he thinks but makes that awkward smile and nods. "Yup.."

"Youll have to forgive me. Im not always.... here."

"I know.. are you alright?"

He shrugs in his chair. "About as alright as anyone could be in my situation." Ah yes. The paralyzed old bald man who was losing his mind still had jokes. Funny. But sad. He remembered him being so similar and yet.. so different.

It's not long before Jean comes to give him his medicine again, convincing him that it was for the kid's saftey. "You don't want to hurt them. Do you, Charles?"

"No... but I'm not that gone yet. I can decide when it's best to take my medication."

She smiles so sweetly at him. "Professor, you made this time schedule yourself. Im just doing what you told me. You always knew best for us."

"Oh.. well, alright then."

Before Jean can walk away, He stares at her.

"....Why did my father like you?"

"Excuse me?"

"Charles... he said.." He trails off, not sure how to say it without talking too quickly.

"He said you cried to my father. And.. he defended you."

Jean tilts her head. "I wouldn't say defended. I was just a child having a fit." She admits then shifts, looking at the walls as if remembering.

".. He was here a lot.. and then he just.. stopped coming. Im sorry. I don't know why. Like I said I was just-"

"Didyoureadhismind?"

"Uhm.. just a couple times."

"Jean used to con you into getting her ice cream." Charles smiles, closing his eyes, reminiscing.

"He.. got you ice cream?"

Jean's not dumb. She understands his frustrations, glancing at the old man and then to Pietro again. "Like I said.. I was just a kid.. I was just excited to be able to use my powers. I didn't mean anything by it. I didn't even know he had other children."

"...He never got us ice cream.. he didn't even bother sign my birth certificate.."

"Im sorry, Peter... Professor? Tonights dinner is potatoes gravy turkey with apple sauce. Remys making it so it might be a little spicy."

"Oh, that's alright. He means well. Erm.. thats the blue one right?"

Jean snorts. "No Professor. He's the card one."

"Oooh yes. Reeemmyy... right." He says his name slowly as if trying to connect 'the card one' to 'Remy' in his brain.

"...Bye Peter." She says, now awkwardly leaving.

"Remys that rat from the cooking movie" Pietro whispers and Charles' eyebrows raise. "Ahhh! Remy! That's right."

He might be an x-men. But he could still pull a little evil here and there.

[kalki-tarot]

CHANNELED LOVE LETTER FROM FUTURE SPOUSE ♡

my readings are for entertainment purposes only! tarot is a divination tool. it is not a substitute for medical and professional advice, nor is it meant to be taken as such. i don’t take responsibility for any choice(s) made by you or others regarding my readings. please be mindful of your own choices and actions ♡

PILE 1

Hello beautiful/handsome,

I saw you in the party, where everyone was busy with themselves, with their own groups. And you, you were sitting alone, pouring your own drink. You looked very beautiful to me. Just like a queen/king. Your straightforwardness and dominant behavior, is what I love the most. I crave you, dear. Oh. I can literally fight to win you. You are just like a prize. You have your priorities clear. Even if it's a run and chase, I'll follow you everywhere till my heart stops and i die.

You are very career oriented, you don't bs unnecessarily. I love your perception of life. I love how you stand up for yourself, even if you're alone. You are just like a Queen to me. You seem very distant, as if you're lost in your dreams. You have that dreamy side of yours too? I don't know. I just observe you from afar. You give me such soothing vibes, I just love being around you.

You make me forget my miseries. I love how you don't do wrong to anyone. You are very compassionate and loving. You can give love to even non living objects. You're so full of love. That makes me wanna love you, even more. Sweetheart. I love you. I want to pursue you, i want to make you mine. Do you think the same? Do you love me just the way I love you? I'm waiting for your answer.

Yours faithfully,

Love.

PILE 2

I don't have the right words to truly express what I feel. I'm not in a good place right now. It feels as if everyone has given up on me. I'm sorry if I'm I'm making you uncomfortable but certain situations are out of my hands. I feel left out in the cold. I have the responsibility of my family on my shoulders. I'm trying to make fast changes. I'm trying to do everything on my own.

I'm very repressive of my emotions. I was not taught how to deal with them. Sometimes I try to run away from life. But then I get reminded of you. I look at the night's sky, full of stars and I wonder maybe you are like a star too. Lightening the dark and cold world with compassion and warmth. You give me true strength. And I'm forever grateful for your presence in my life. I'm holding onto a lot of things right now. I know i should let everything free, even myself. It's okay to make mistakes, right?

After every storm, there is a deep silence. Where everything remains silent, destroyed and out of control. No matter what life throws at me, I'll come back to you with ten times more strength, power & especially love and respect for you. It's life after all, right? Everything comes and goes. Maybe these times will pass? But I'll love you more with each passing moment for sure.

Yours Only Forever

💗

PILE 3

I have too much of love and wealth. And that too much is being sucked off by others. I don't know what to do. Money can't buy love, sweetheart. I'm in a toxic relationship. They are taking away my everything. Literally everything.

I don't remember the last time I laughed. The money I earned through hard work, the morals and kindness my family taught me, everything is in vain. Everything is slowly leaving my body. I feel empty from inside. This person is taking away it all.

But I'm working hard, more hard, harder than even. So that I can provide you a better lifestyle. I can't expect anything from anyone. I have to do it all alone. Please remember me in your prayers. I'm afraid to let go. Everything is being taken away from me. I don't know what to do, I'm confused. I'm not sure which road to take. I believe the universe will guide me where I'm supposed to be, near you. I'm depressed nowadays. Very hopeless.

But I'm doing whatever i can do right now. I'm unable to even sleep at night. They lied to me. They deceived me. They were my life partner, but there was nothing "life-like" with them. It was just a relationship built on money. And you know how these type of things end. There is no emotion left in me. I'm blank. I don't know. They left me in the middle of the road.

PILE 4

Hello pretty soul ♡

You know what? I see you every where. Whenever I go, wherever I go. I see you, i get reminded of you, by the flowers, the clovers, the river, the clouds and even the sun! You are a beautiful and positive person! You are such a great fighter! Whatever obstacles comes between our happiness, you remove it all. I get so happy and optimistic near you, my love. I'll fight with literally anyone for you, just for you.

You bring absolute calmness and peace into my chaotic life. You are a sweet breeze flowing softly over my cheeks on a warm, sunny day making me blush. I want to take care of you and love you for eternity. I want to offer you all the love that I have inside me, just for you babygirl/boy. I want to experience new things with you everyday. You make my life feel lively. ✨️

Dear, sometimes I too get lost in my past, that was not, unfortunately that happy for sure. I got lied to, i was betrayed by someone I called mine. I can't sleep properly due to this. I get nightmares and I get so f*king scared. I feel anxious and uncomfortable. But the good news is! I'm forgetting it day by day. Just a little progress makes it a whole lot of progress. I don't want to remember all these with you. I'm working hard, I'm moving forward. And i hope you're too <3

By,

Your one and only . ❤️

[barcalover86]

Hey I recently just got my wisdom tooth taken out, and I was wondering if you can write a story that Reader got her wisdom tooth taken out and she had the most hilarious reaction, and that Gavi is trying to comfort her but she’s like crying every second or being angry after. Pedri was there and was recording the whole thing?

Thank you!!!

Remember me? - Pablo Gavi

Hi! I hope you are feeling better! Enjoy, this one is for you! (I searched on tt some information and videos)

"I'm scared.." you whined for the hundred time in the last few minutes. You had to remove your wisdom tooth that started to make you uncomfortable for days.

"Y/n, you are not going to feel anything."

"I'm not scared of the pain while doing it, I'm scared of the after pain!"

Gavi laughed at your silliness face before giving you a kiss on your forehead and going to the waiting room.

Right before you had to open your mouth, you felt like you needed to go to the bathroom.

"Doc, I need to pee."

The man chuckled a bit, telling you that it's alright and you can go. When you walked next to your boyfriend, he looked confused.

"Done already?"

"No."

"Decided to leave?" he laughed, but you were in no mood of his jokes now. You were clearly scared of what's going to happen, and your boy couldn't be serious once.

"I needed to pee, Pablo."

"Ohhh, want to help you? You might relax after-"

"Stop, Gavi!"

He laughed hard before giving you a surrender face.

After you were ready and came back, you saw Pedri sitting next to your boyfriend. You knew he would come because he literally begged you for hours.. now it felt like it was the worst decision you've ever done.

"Good luck, y/n!"

You gave him a short smile, while holding for the last time Gavi's hand.

You apologised to the medical team that had to take care of you, feeling bad that they had to wait for you.

"Don't worry, señorita. We are here to support you and we promise you that everything will be alright. How can we call you?"

"Y/n."

"Alright, y/n. First of all, we have to give you a sedation for you not to feel any pain. We can make you fall asleep, or we can just make your body relax, and you can see everything. It's all up to you."

"I don't know-"

"It doesn't hurt in any case"

The doctor smiled at you before you said you prefer to fall asleep. Maybe like that, you won't be that scared when you'll see all the instruments that were placed on the table in front of you.

"Tell me how is more comfortable, ok?" he said while adjusting your sit.

After you were sedated, you closed your eyes to fall asleep faster, which only took about 2 minutes to be completely in your dreams.

It didn't take long, onlu about 40 minutes, but the two boys that were waiting outside for you, started to get nervous.

"She'll remember me, right?"

"Yes, Gavi! She can't forget you."

Pedri was laughing at how impatient his friend was. Love was driving him mad.

After everything was done and you were finally awake, one of the assistants came to the waiting room to say that you are free to go home for now.

"Can we go see her?"

"Yes. Come right after me"

The two boys entered the room and saw you standing on your butt with your back on the wall. You smiled when you saw your boyfriend and wanted to stand up to go hug him.

"Hi!!!"

"No, no, cariño. Stay right there for a moment." laughed Gavi.

"How was it, y/n?" asked Pedri with a curious face. He was dying to know what you are going to say.

"Why are you filming me?"

Pedri chuckled, telling Gavi that you'll love to see your reaction after you are done with anaesthesia.

"Do you remember this boy, y/n?"

"You think I'm stupid? I'm not like all those girls that... that.. oh, you got it."

"Yeah, yeah, then what's his name?"

"Pablitoo"

Pedri started to laugh hard while recording you.

"How do you feel, amor?"

"I can barely speak and my mouth is dry. Can I have some water, please?"

Gavi went to ask someone for some water, while Pedri was helping you stand up for you to get to your car.

When Pablo came back with a yellow drunk, you borrowed your eyebrows.

"Que es esto?"

"Forgot english, hermanita?" asked Pedri in a teasly voice.

While you showed him your half tongue, not being able to move your mouth much, Gavi was telling you that it's pineapple juice.

"It's going to help you with your dryness"

"Oh, then I'm going to take it." you said while swallowing it in a second.

While you were in the car, you started to complain about hunger.

"I didn't eat for days!"

"You didn't eat since yesterday, and it's not even lunchtime, y/n!"

"You always like to talk that much, Pedri?"

"Oh, who is the one that's saying this!? You've been complaining about food since we left! I'm the driver so I can get you out of my car."

At that, you got sad even if he only joked. Gavi, being the passager, looked back at you to see that you were on the edge of crying.

"Don't cry!!!" he said in a baby voice.

While your boyfriend was trying to make you calm, Pedri arrived at your house.

"Let's go get you some sleep, ok?"

"I already slept! I want to eat something, amorr."

"We eat something, then we can go to have a nap. Deal?"

"Deal."

Pablo prepared you some soft foods for you to eat, but them not being consistent enough, made you still hungry.

"Can you hold me, please???"

Gavi smiled and hugged you.

"You guys are so sweet." Pedri said while recording you again.

"So sweet, yeah. Until he wanted to fuck me right before the operation."

Pedri started to laugh hard, while Gavi was blushing.

"You can't say that, amorrr."

You kissed his cheek, while looking at how hard Pedri was laughing.

"I've got that on record! Ah, I can't wait to see your reaction after you are normal, y/n."

"What do you mean!? You say I'm crazy now?"

"Oh..no, no!"

While you started to catch Pedri, Gavi was the one that was filming it now.

"Go get him, cariño!!"

[tyudearyous]

ephemeral - c.jh

pairing : jongho x reader

themes : established relationship where reader is chronically sick

genre : HEAVY ANGST with small bits of fluff ig

warnings : depictions of medicines and needles, major character death! proceed with caution

wc : 2.9k

🎵 star - heize, one of these nights - red velvet, be with you - ateez, o - leehi ft code kunst, little bit - devita ft code kunst

masterlist

...

"miss it is time for you to take your medicines, alright?" the nurse enters your hospital room with several medical equipment and syringes filled with your medicine. it has been months since your condition took for the worse. you were born with a weak heart, it was a given. despite that, you didn't expect things to escalate this fast. you were grateful still, at the very least your short lifespan was filled with more than enough happy moments.

"thank you" you replied to the nurse before she took your arm to inject your medicine and do some physical check ups. needles don't hurt for you at this point. you're just so used to being injected and reinjected with fluids that would help with your health (but you know it's all meaningless, you'd die anyway).

when you were getting your meds, the door opened to a breathless jongho running after work. you immediately laughed at that sight of him. "miss, please stay still" the nurse warned you softly. you muttered apologies before giving jongho a frown to jab on him. he smiled at your antics and began to wind down at the couch next to your bed.

"nurse, is this the last one?" jongho asked the nurse tending to you right now. the nurse nodded. "hopefully this would be the last dose for this week. tomorrow miss y/n will have a full check up again with dr. seo. remember that okay miss?" she explained before she left the room, giving you and jongho some space.

"how was today?" you asked jongho. he sat at the empty chair next to your bed before tucking your stray hair to your ears. "shitty but it's better now, cause you're here" he smiled and you slapped his shoulders. "ouch, i was being honest" before flashing his adorable gummy smile. you felt content and happy that he was here with you. despite all, jongho still stayed with you and you're happy with that.

"hey" you cupped his cheeks. jongho tilted his head. your eyes that were filled with happiness turned into something somber. this didn't go unnoticed by him. "what's wrong?" he started to get worried and took your hands in his. he started rubbing your knuckles before kissing it to hopefully calm you down.

"it hurts" tears started to fall down your cheeks, you couldn't hold it in. "hey, what hurts? what's wrong? i'll call dr. seo wait" you held his hands, stopping him. "i don't need dr. seo. it just hurts jjong, i don't know whether can i keep this up" you explained. it has been months since you were admitted to special care and you aren't even showing any signs of recovery. it just stayed stagnant, the exact same when you were first admitted. breathing honestly feels hard for you, if not for the machine helping you. walking feels tough and everything just felt hard for you.

"y/n, look at me" he cupped your cheeks. "it's going to be okay. you'll get through this. you'll recover, okay? we'll go on dates like we used to. we'll go to paris just like you wanted, come on. don't be like this okay?" he reassured you. you stayed silent before shaking your head.

"jjong, i- i can't" you broke down to tears. he tried so hard to hold back his tears but eventually his poured out as well. "i told you right? it's a given. don't dream too big about this" you pushed through your tears. "y/n. i told you to not be like this" his tone was higher but you understood it. "i don't want you to end up heartbroken, jjong" you put your right hand to wipe his tears.

"you should be ready, anytime. i feel like i can't continue living like this. all of this would only give me perhaps 2? 3? i don't know. months jongho. let's be realistic here. i'm tired" you collapsed to him, crying.

"y/n, i can't let you go like this. we can go through this together, i'm here. i'm here" he stood you up again before making you cup his cheeks but you shook your head. it was all too hard for you.

"i don't like it here. i know if i leave i won't be able to survive but jjong, i'm tired" you explained to him. "let's get some fresh air tomorrow, okay?" he calmed you down.

that night, he stayed in the hospital with you. he slept on your bed, in hopes that you'd stay strong regardless of everything. but honestly? you didn't want to. you wished to just drop everything. the only reason you're still headstrong about the treatment was jongho. you couldn't leave him, not when he's still like this.

...

the next day came and you found yourself on the beach, enjoying the smell of sea with your lover next to you. everything that happened last night became something both of you avoided. if you brought it up, you know it would devastate jongho even more, so you didn't. he was holding back his emotions even today. you could see in his eyes, how puffy they are and how they hold countless unsaid words. the trip that was supposed to be joyful became somber.

"you remember our first time going to the sea?" you broke the silence. "oh? yeah. when you first got your driving license" he laughed. it was a random weekend when you decided to bring jongho to the nearest beach to celebrate you getting your license. you even drove there but the entire drive gave jongho a heart attack, mainly because of your un-adapt-ness to the road. the way back home, he insisted on driving so he drove you back home. nonetheless, it was a memorable yet funny moment.

"i still remember you nagging me through the road" you sulked. "oh come on, you suck at driving y/n. just admit it" he laughed at you which made you sulk even more. "oh come on don't sulk, at least you have me. your professional driver" jongho cupped your cheeks before planting a kiss on your forehead.

"i want to go on more drives honestly" you admitted, eyes on the sea, avoiding his. "when you recover, i'll bring you to many drives okay? we'll explore the world together, just like what you wanted" he said while holding your hands. "hopefully yeah?" you gave him a smile.

"but" you said, creating a silence between the two of you. "if i'm gone, remember. i want you to move on. you deserve happiness, jjong. just remember me, that's all i need from you" you teared up slightly. "y/n let's no-" "no, i have to say that. you have to accept the reality. i can't stay here forever, you know that. i wish i could've held on to for like 2 or 3 years so we could get married but i can't. dr. seo told me, i only had approximately 2 months left and that is also if my body is strong enough but my body isn't, jjong. it's weak, it's a blessing that i still can be here with you today. if not now, when will i say that to you?" you cut him off, tears falling down your eyes.

"i love you, i really do. if i had the time i'd do anything for you, genuinely. but right now, let's face the reality, okay?" you held his hands, circling around his knuckles. he stood up to walk away slightly and you let him be. it was hard for the both of you and you understood it perfectly.

you prayed to the universe for more time. just maybe. just maybe.

...

ring ring

3 missed calls from ???

jongho wondered, what's with the sudden calls from an unknown number. he excused himself from his office to go to the rooftop area to call the number back.

"hello?" he opened the call. "yes, is this mr. choi jongho?" a panicked voice asked him through the call. "yes? what is wrong?" he asked.

"miss y/n's condition worsened and is now in queue for surgery, do you consent to the surgery? we tried calling her family but-" he cut off the call and immediately left work to go to the hospital. he drove past through traffic lights and just drove as fast as he could to get to you.

when he arrived to the hospital, he immediately looked for you. ultimately failing because you weren't in your room. thankfully, the nurse who tended to you were there waiting for him.

"oh thank goodness, miss y/n is currently in surgery. please pray for the best" she told him. he felt as if all air was taken out of his lungs that exact moment. he immediately collapsed in the waiting room. all he could do was stare at the ceiling, praying and hoping that the surgery would go well.

that he would be given the chance to see you once again.

...

the surgery room was hectic. the doctors tried to resuscitate you after your heart rate dropped. countless machines were used to get your heart rate up but nothing did the job. the doctors had to perform surgery to you because of this.

you felt nothing. well, you were near death at this point. only your brain was conscious and all you could think was just how you wished you had more time. sure, your short life was a great one. you couldn't have asked for a better one but still, that didn't mean you didn't have regrets.

just as the doctors tried to give your heart mechanical palpitations, your heart stopped working. it was final, you couldn't be saved.

...

"dr.seo! how is she?" jongho immediately ran to him when he saw his figure out of the surgery room. "i apologize, mr. choi. we couldn't save her." dr. seo apologized to jongho.

all he felt at that moment was pain. he scoffed before sitting down and bawled. why. why did it have to be you who suffered. why was the world so cruel to him. he was angry but he knew, can he really blame anyone? he had no one to blame. dr. seo and his team did his best and you did your best to put up with everything.

all he could do was cry and cry and cry and cry.

...

it has been 2 years since your passing. jongho has been a mess throughout those 2 years. he couldn't even handle seeing your grave during the first year of your death. he tried to cope by everything. drinking, isolating, everything. he tried to distract himself with everything. he didn't even bother removing the pictures he had of you in his apartment and cellphone. he didn't want to let you go. his friends tried to help him but it was all useless. he truly couldn't let you go. he couldn't handle seeing this world without you by his side.

but that was all during the first year. this year, he decided to pick his life back up. he couldn't continue living like this right? so he started by cleaning his apartment first. seonghwa helped him to clean his apartment that was filled with trash from his grief. jongho was grateful his friends didn't judge, he was grateful that he still had them. slowly, little by little, he picked his life back up and he's finally ready to see you again. he's ready to visit your grave.

it was the 2nd anniversary of your death. before going, he bought a bouquet of your favorite flowers. tulips, asters and several forget-me-nots with some baby breath adorning it. he was even wearing the scarf you bought him for his 20th birthday.

when he arrived to your gravesite, he saw your mother sitting in front of the grave. he stood there, waiting for her to finish. when she finished, he greeted her.

"good afternoon, mother" he greeted her. "oh, jongho-ya! how have you been?" your mother asked him. "i've been well, how are you mother?" he continued. "i've been alright, it's been hard for you, right?" she tapped jongho's shoulders. "alright, go to her. i'm sure you missed her." he bowed to your mother and left for your grave. "oh wait!" your mother called, making him stop on his tracks. "here, i'm sure y/n wanted you to see this" she handed him a flashdisk before leaving. jongho was confused but he shrugged it off, for later. he wanted to talk to you first.

when he finally stood in front of your grave, the emotions he suppressed for the past 2 years all fell out. just the sight of your grave made him cry but he tried to hold back. he didn't spend a whole year being depressed to stay like this. he placed the bouquet in front of your gravestone and he sat in front of your grave.

"hey, it's been a while huh?" he started to talk to you. "i've been a mess since you left. i'm sorry, i can't fulfill my promises to you. i don't think i can move on you know but i'll try to not mop around being sad because i know you won't like that" he laughed. "sorry for not being here last year, i just couldn't accept it. why did you have to leave me that fast? but i know. you're happier there. you're no longer in pain, you're no longer stressed. i'm fine with that. well, i'll try to be fine with that" he teared up again.

"anyway, i love you, y/n. i wish you're still here with me but i'll handle it. i love you, seriously. no one is going to replace your place." he stated before continuing to talk to you about his days. he stayed there for hours and hours before going home because it was getting dark. by the end of it, his eyes were puffy but his heart was light. he was happy he took the time to talk to you.

...

y/n's tape for jongho.

hi jjong, haha wait i'm really not used to recording these okay wait. creates hand gestures to regain composure. okay, hi. if you get this cd then i'm dead already probably, sadly looks down and throws head back to not cry. anyway, i'm glad to have met you this life time. i'm glad i had you, and i don't regret giving my all to you. i regret nothing when it comes to us. i love you, i hope you know that.

i'm sorry for being blunt sometimes, i'm sorry for hurting you, i'm sorry for being selfish, i'm sorry for leaving you. gosh, if i could i would've married you and had kids. ah why am i tearing up, sorry. yeah, i wish we had more time. i wish i could've seen a mini us, i wish we were a normal couple. i'm sorry for bringing you through this pain, i'm sorry jjong.

i don't want you to mop around after i leave. i hope you find someone that loves you as much as i do, or if you can't handle that, at least be happy for me please. i don't want you to be depressed, i hate seeing you cry you know. i hate it when you're sad. so please, be happy for me. okay, jjongie?

i remember when we first spent the night together. we made a promise didn't we that night? that we'd travel around the world and i asked you to propose to me in paris? hahaha i wish we could make that real but we can't sadly. instead, go there for me. take lots of photos, make lots of memories, be happy for me. i'd always look out for you. i'd always be with you even when you don't realize it, jjong. so don't be sad okay? wipes tears ahhhhh. i can't do this.

anyways, just be happy for me. don't cry too much. don't be sad. i love you forever and always, jjongbear. if you miss me, just visit my grave. i'm up 24/7 you know, so just find me there or talk to the sprout teddy i made for you last year. i wish you well and i love you. i'm sorry for everything i put you through. i love you truly.

video ends.

sniffles could be heard through the entire apartment. there was a boy crying over his dead lover, in the sweatshirt she loved to wear and holding the teddy bear she crocheted for him. the boy couldn't hold his tears and just let it flow. unbeknownst to him, a small blue butterfly was sitting next to the couch. when he noticed this, he was confused. he remembered not opening any windows so how did the small creature get inside? but then he remembered.

she too loved butterflies

"y/n, really" he scoffed before tearing up again but this time with the butterfly on his shoulders.

i love you truly, choi jongho

the end.

[j0kers-light]

currently thinking about j with an anemic gf ✊😔 i need a bf who can support me and my sleepiness and random lightheadedness 😫. i need a nap buddy 😪 and shout out to all my fellow people with rarer types of anemia that don’t just affect iron 😔😔✊

Hey hi anon!!! 🖤✨

HUGE shout out for representation!! Anemia does not just affect iron levels. Let’s discuss in detail love. This one is personal. Cheers to the anemic gurls! As always, I hope you enjoy!

You’ve been diagnosed with anemia for years (not just assuming you have it and tossing the condition around like its a character trait🙄) Moving on.....

It’s more complex than just low iron levels in your case; you are literally fighting for your life since you lack blood cells. It messes up everything in some way shape or fashion.

For example 👀 Your heart needs blood and oxygen to function. No surprise it decides to stop working when its starved of those two key ingredients and its aggravated by heat.

As a result, you’re constantly sleepy/weak and Joker pokes fun at you for falling asleep mid conversation or during simple tasks.

You can't help it! You have limited energy and to compensate, you take lots of naps. One every day that last at least two hours although you can sleep for much longer.

(Chaos once slept for an entire day much to my family's horror. Back to the hc!)

Joker thinks its cute when you curl up somewhere and crash for hours at a time. All you need is a blanket and a cool environment and its a wrap. An earthquake couldn't wake you.

Joker loves to find you fast asleep because he can join you and be as clingy as he wants. Nap dates are 100% a thing in this relationship and they happen anytime, anywhere.

Since you're so weak, you need a strong protector. Joker turns you into a blanket burrito and then holds you like his personal teddy bear. Remember Joker walking into his meeting with you in his arms from No Disrespect? Same concept anon.

And let's not talk about how your anemia affects your menstrual cycle. Let's just not. Bottom line, you run the risk of being admitted to the hospital it’s that bad. True story. 👀

You had no reason to tell Joker about your medical conditions because HIPAA is a thing so he's completely unaware that you have severe anemia.

You have an extensive jacket and blanket collection and you wear hoodies year round. It makes for an odd sight in the summer.

Your hands are always cold to the touch and Joker asks if you're related to Mr. Fries. 🙄❄ J jumps in shock when you touch him unexpectedly they're that cold.

Joker loves to "warm up his Bunny" (I hc Joker running like a furnace so he is the perfect boyfriend if you're anemic!)

You forgot your jacket? Joker pulls you in for a hug. Too cold at night? Hehe well.... 😏

Joker doesn't like when you space out. You get this glassy look in your eye and it takes you a while to come after he calls your name multiple times. You just mentally check out.

That's your body not having enough blood cells to carry oxygen to your brain. You literally do a Windows shutdown before coming back online with a slurred "huh?"

You reassure Joker that you're fine but he's not convinced. 👀

You hate the summer. Period.

Joker thought since you're always cold, the warm temp would be perfect, but you refuse to go out if the weather is higher than 88 degrees.

Joker finds out why extreme heat + anemic!Y/n = disaster the hard way.

Joker dragged you out of the apartment to an outdoor event claiming that you needed some 'sun.'

You would enjoy the event were it not a record breaking 99 degrees outside. You are short of breath but Joker is having fun so you grin and suffer in silence.

The first hour is okay, your Fitbit doesn't send you any health alerts. However your condition can happen suddenly and without warning. Its only a matter of time before you go tap out.

One second your laughing at something Joker said, the next, you skip the lightheaded phase and enter the dangerous cardiac stage of your condition.

Joker's voice sounds fathoms away and the loud festival becomes background noise as your heart fails. Your smart watch is beeping like crazy and the sound of it steals Joker's attention away from scanning the crowd for threats.

You have that spaced out look that he doesn't like.

"Bunny?" Joker's own heart skips a beat when your eyes roll back and you faint into his arms.

People nearby scream at the sight and Joker was left in a pickle. Yes, he wants to get you medical attention, but he can't draw too much attention to himself while doing so. Every second is precious and he tries to keep a level head to think of what to do.

Thankfully the local EMTs have personnel nearby for these types of emergencies and they rush over. Poor Joker is pushed to the side as the professionals notice your medical bracelet and get to work.

Joker tried to remain calm as they shock your heart and then start an IV on you.

He shivers feeling the AC being pumped into the medical building onsite. You would love the cool temperature if only you were awake. What was wrong with his Light?

Did someone poison you while he wasn't watching? Were you sick and he hadn't noticed? Nothing was making any sense to him.

"You her spouse?"

Joker blinked in shock at the random question being asked. The EMT repeated the question until Joker nodded along.

Joker looked the part so the medic continued along.

"Okay... well she had another vasovagal syncope episode. You know the drill. Dehydration, her anemia upsets her heart and add in the extreme heat; here we are. We gave Y/n her normal cocktail of vitamins before she suffered an actual heart attack, but I suggest taking her home out of the heat and keep an eye on her. She'll be drowsy for the next few hours but nothing she's not used to. If she starts to regress, call 911. Uh sir? I’m not done!"

All Joker heard was heart attack before he rushed to your side.

Imagine his surprise seeing you sitting up on the medic cot, cracking jokes with the field nurse. You were fine compared to the bunny that collapsed into his arms almost two hour ago. The nurse was removing your IV line when you spotted Joker standing in the doorway.

You waved your empty juice box at him. "There's my lover boy! Look, they gave me orange juice!"

You have some explaining to do when he gets you home. There's no way this is normal to you.

sadly it is J. 🥹

[team7-headquarter]

Naruto and Sakura are so babies to me BECAUSE they are fucked up off-putting little menaces.

They're the same and it's so funny how they can't recognize it. There's literally no reason for it, there is no connection between them except that they are both protagonists so the story went "Listen, I'm gonna make a pair that is sooooo ridiculously enjoyable to watch because they are sooo weird."

They listen to voices in their head?? Canonically? Both of them were bullied as kids for not being like the rest?? Naruto has freaking whiskers and Sakura pink hair!!! They are so bright and colored it's like a joke to know they want to be ninjas!!!!!!!! They are impossibly loud and bitchy, always up to beat anyone including kids and old people, don't hold back when it's time for mean comments or rejecting people they find ugly or weird, share a total of zero braincells between them sometimes, refuse to see themselves as being less than other people—

I genuinely laugh so hard with them. Remember that time after Kaguya got sealed when Naruto and Sakura panicked over how they'd go back to the real world? They had just saved the world and somehow still had time for their silly antics.

Their summons are (let me check ...) MULTIPLE frogs and a giant snail that can divide into many little versions of herself. They got those summons from their mentors, who happened to be an old man perverted to no one famously known for his erotica writing and a woman known by all for her alcoholic tendencies and being a giant loser that refuses to stop gambling.

You need more convincing? Okay.

Naruto and Sakura are a little perverted as teens and spend 70% of the manga crying. They are so lame in some of their speeches, epic losers from the very beginning because they were the dead last shinobi and kunoichi of their class. When they face a problem, their solution is "I'll beat it up with my own hands". Them in Naruto classic? For sure the stupidest duo around.

Half (or more) of their plans are the worst plans ever and the rest miraculously work so well you have to admit they were cool. They are obsessive and short tempered and even when they are the strongest shinobi and kunoichi duo around, you can't trust they will complete the mission without making it worse first.

... I correct it, they will make it worse first.

On the other hand, you have to win their respect, because they sure as hell won't give it to you out of the goodness of their hearts. They are the best representation of the Will of Fire of the younger generation. No one ever thought Naruto would befriend Kurama like he did, no one ever counted on Sakura becoming a world renowned medic nin, no one thought they would reach that far. They're naive to a fault and they don't fit the shinobi life at all and if they weren't the protagonists, they'd be the first to die or something, but they are the mcs and they are absurd as they come.

I love them sooooo much for all they are and all they are not.

[oliversrarebooks]

Augusnippets Day 11: Breaking the Conditioning

Masterlist

Glenn opened his eyes slowly. He could hear Meadows calling his name from a million miles away, and his head felt foggy. The last thing he remembered was the mission going sideways -- but if Meadows was here, she must've pulled him out. He was probably back in the medbay at base, waking up after he'd let his ass get beaten into the ground by Dr. Spiral's minions. It would be far from the first time.

Meadows' voice sounded urgent, though, and he realized that he wasn't in a stiff infirmary bed. No, there was cold concrete underneath him. He sat up.

"Glenn? Can you hear me?"

"Where are we?" he said. He was in what seemed to be a cross between a clinic and a mad scientist's lair, filled with both ordinary medical equipment and bizarre, intimidating machines.

"We're in Dr. Spiral's headquarters. Do you remember what happened?"

"No… I remember getting ambushed and then…"

"Are you back, then?" She sounded desperate. "Oh thank god. I can't believe I got you to snap out of it."

"Back? What do you mean?" He looked up, and saw where Meadows' voice was coming from. She was strapped down to some kind of operating table. "Oh god, they captured you?" He sprang to his feet, looking at the thick metal cuffs holding her down. There was no obvious mechanism for removing them. "Do you know how to get these off?"

"Dr. Spiral has the controls, I think. You don't remember anything, then?"

"What happened?"

"Dr. Spiral captured you, Glenn."

"Captured me?" He racked his brain for something, anything. He had the vaguest memory of his archnemesis' face, gloating, and everything else was like a dream that had slipped away the moment he woke up. "How long was I out?"

"Two months."

"Two… no. No way. That can't be possible. I don't remember any of it," he said. "Was I just unconscious the whole time? Like in a coma, or stasis?"

Meadows looked away uneasily, filling Glenn with dread.

"Meadows, what happened to me? What did I do?"

"He made you into one of his minions," she said.

"No. I wasn't…"

"You were. We don't know what he did to you, but you were completely brainwashed. He gloated over it, made you his right hand man. And you were like a completely different person."

"That can't be right," said Glenn, swallowing hard. He looked down, and realized that he was wearing one of Dr. Spiral's uniforms, a purple jumpsuit with a multi-colored spiral embroidered on the pocket. "Shit."

"It's okay, it wasn't your fault," she said, as reassuring as she could be while strapped to a table.

"I didn't do anything that bad, right?" he said in desperation. "All of his minions are pretty mindless, so…"

"Not you," she said firmly. "I don't know what he did different with you, but you were… ruthless. Terrifying."

"But --"

"You caught Townsend when she was out on a mission. We still don't know what happened to her."

"Townsend -- I don't remember that --" he said. "Did I catch you too?"

Meadows laughed bitterly. "I really should have seen it coming. If there's anyone who knows how to beat me, it's you."

Glenn didn't even want to process it, didn't want to think about the things he'd done to his teammates while he wasn't in control -- not to mention what he might've done to civilians. His powers were dangerous even as a hero. There was no telling what Dr. Spiral made him do once he had his filthy hands on him. "How did you reverse it?"

"I don't know. You were about to inject me with some drug, I was trying to remind you of who you were to get you to stop… and somehow, it worked."

"A drug?" His gaze traveled to a syringe lying on the floor, halfway rolled under the table where Meadows was restrained.

"The rest of the explanation can wait, right?" she said. "You're free for now, but if Dr. Spiral returns, he might put you under again."

"I won't let that happen," said Glenn with far more conviction than he truly felt. After all, if he didn't even remember how he'd been brainwashed, he wasn't sure he could prevent it. "I'm going to get us both out of here, and then we can find Townsend."

He'd started to examine the table for any sort of control or release when a door slid open behind him. As he froze in place, staring at Meadows' expression of horror, confident footsteps approached him.

"Was there a problem with preparing the subject, Two?" said the all-too-familiar voice of Dr. Spiral. "She looks a great deal more awake than I'd prefer."

He had to play along. "My apologies… sir. Um, master. I dropped the syringe on the ground and was just about to recover it."

"Hm." Dr. Spiral grasped him by the shoulders, whipping him around, and his vision was filled with his mesmeric eyes. There were entire galaxies in them, deep and sparkling, so easy to get lost in --

Glenn broke his gaze, not wanting to fall in his trap.

"Oh, I see," Dr. Spiral said. "You've broken out of my conditioning, haven't you?"

"No, master."

"Nice try, minion, but I made you call me doctor, not master." Dr. Spiral grabbed his face, forcing Glenn to look straight into those dangerous eyes. "I expected this might happen. You always were far too sentimental about your old boss. But it's nothing a little quality time can't fix."

Glenn squirmed, trying to escape the pull of those eyes. Some part of him remembered, some part of him wanted nothing more than to relax and lose himself.

"Glenn! Don't listen to him!" Meadows yelled.

His vision became unfocused, his jaw hanging slack, as the stars in his nemesis' eyes swirled around him in perfect harmony, making him want nothing more than to submit --

"Glenn!"

With all the willpower he could muster, he shoved Dr. Spiral away from him and into a cart of medical equipment, diving for the syringe. He rolled over just in time for Dr. Spiral to recover and jump at him, stabbing the needle into the villain's thigh and pushing the plunger.

Masterlist

@augusnippets

[sacredwrath]

P5. A good man

Reluctant caretaking, past torture

Guilt and anger war within Logan. After his talk with Jesse, part of him doesn't want to see Morgan again. What if this is wrong? He should've just killed him when he found him in the road, or left him hanging last night. Take care of the problem once and for all.

But he didn't kill him. Now, like it or not, Morgan is his responsibility. He has to take care of him.

Guilt pushes him down the stairs to Morgan's cell with a bag of medical supplies he's taken from Misha. It gnaws at him as he unlocks the cell.

It stabs him in the side when he sees the man sprawled across the floor in a smeared mess of mud and blood.

Adrian struggles to rise, stiffly pushing himself into a sitting position.

"What'll it be today?" He croaks.

He looks awful. Both eyes are darky bruised and almost swollen shut. His lips cracked and bloody. It doesn't look like he bothered to try and get clean, dried blood still covers his face from his broken nose.

"Come on. Got to get you cleaned up." Logan grabs his bicep and pulls him to unsteady feet. He won't help this man any more than necessary so he let's go, allowing him to walk on his own, shepherding him out of the cell and through the next door.

"Go on." The bathroom is small with a toilet, sink and standing shower. The shower has no door and there's no mirror above the sink, no glass or easily detachable fixtures that might be weaponized.

Logan isn't comfortable watching the man shower so he turns his back, pulling out his phone and flicking aimlessly through the apps. He hears a soft groan behind him and glances over to see Adrian drinking water from the sink

"Don't drink that! I was going to give you water. You know water from the pipes isn't safe to drink!”

Adrian shuts off the taps, shrugging.

"Thought you wanted me dead? Why do you care?"

He shucks off his pants and Logan turns away again, listening to the shower run. Steam billows from the open door and he hears a contented sigh

"This is great, you sure are generous to your prisoners. If mine earn a bath I just hose em down. That reminds me, how'd Jesse do in the the shower when you got them back?"

Logan's fists clench, remembering Jesse's terror as they tried to get them clean.

"Shut up. Or we won't be doing this again."

"My bad," He chuckles, "sensitive subject, I get it, just be glad you didn't try a bath." He says with a laugh

Logan compresses his lips into a hard line, not wanting to give this monster any more ammunition. They did try a bath.

Once the shower turns off he tosses the man a towel.

"Put that on then come out here." He orders. "Have to keep you from bleeding all over your new clothes."

"Wow, a shower and medical attention. You feeling guilty or something?"

Adrian looks different clean. For the first time since finding him in the road, Logan can really see Intelligence Specialist Adrian Morgan. Before, it was almost jarring to think of the sickly, bedraggled man as being the same person to put Jesse through such hell. Now, though, despite his injuries, Logan can see it.

Making the man sit on the floor, he examines his wounds. They're all bad, but the ones on his back are by far the worst. Infection spreads through most of them, seemingly concentrated in the places where the wounds won't close. He has no idea if they need new stitches. Some definitely look broken, probably most of them after his beating. The thought makes him wince.

Looking closer, Logan can see that it's not just the obvious injuries on his back. These fresh wounds are layered over a dense network of scars, running from his shoulders to where the towel sits around his waist.

"Seriously, where the fuck did all these scars come from?" He asks

"Can't be that hard to guess. I'm on the wrong side of every hero in the city, not to mention working for a brutal, dictatorial regime who's violently ousted the democratically elected governments all over the country. I know it's surprising, given my roguish good looks and charming personality, but some people really don't like me. This isn't the first time I've been… detained by you so called heros."

“Heros did this?" Logan is surprised other heroes would stoop so low. Most of them have impeccable reputations, even after the Collapse.

Just like you do. A small voice reminds him.

"What do you think happened to us in your prisons? You'd catch us, turn us over, then what?" He holds out his wrists so Logan can see three sets of numbers tattooed there. Two of the numbers are crossed off. All three have numerous thick scars running through them.

"That's definitely not true. The prisons were run by the real government. AQUA is the one who tortures people." Even if other heroes took revenge, the idea of the authorities doing it is absurd. They existed specifically to combat behavior like this.

Morgan laughs “You can't be this naive. Seriously, how old are you? Your precious government and AQUA were at war for decades! You really think your side never got their hands dirty? Torture’s a great way to keep unruly villains in line." He pauses. "Didn't work, obviously. Now the prisons are gone, and we're still here, thriving."

"You don't look like you're thriving."

He makes a non committal sound

Disinfecting the wounds will take the longest and be the most painful. He expects Adrian to resist, but he doesn't flinch when the alcohol touches him. He spreads antibiotic cream on the wounds that look infected, then covers the open ones with bandages. He doesn't know proper medicine, but he's watched Misha enough for this.

When he's done, he gives him a pair of old sweatpants, turning around again while he changes.

"You know what I think." Adrian says from behind him. "I think you are that naive. I think you've been living a cute little fantasy where you're the good guys fighting against evil AQUA. That's how you justify all the people you've had thrown in prison.”

“Come on. Even you called AQUA a brutal dictatorial regime. How the hell could you support something like that if you aren't a villain?”

“Like the last governement was any better, and you still call yourself a hero.”

“They were better. And we are better.”

“Of course you are." He chuckles. "Takes a real good guy to come down here and take care of someone you hate so much. Almost makes up for the torture."

Logan faces him, watching as he slinks to the back of the cell and gingerly lowers himself to the ground. He moans and complains theatrically touching his bruised face.

"Does it bother you to know you'd hurt someone injured and defenseless?" He continues with a dramatic pout.

"Fuck off. You've done way worse." Logan snaps, annoyed at his performance

"Obviously. We've already established what I am." He pauses for a long moment. "You on the other hand. I think you're feeling sorry for me. Just a bit. Enough to make you hesitate. Enought to make you think you can walk that line. Good person? Monster?" He weighs the options in his hands, balancing them. "But I'll tell you what, hesitation, that consiounce of yours, if anything will fuck you up down here it'll be that. You need to know why you're doing this. Hold on to that reason. Remember why I'm here."

Despite himself, Logan considers the words as he fishes two waterbottles and three nutrition bars from his bag, tossing them at Adrian's feet.

"I know why I'm here." He pauses, watching Adrian's raised eyebrow.

"Before you, they would hum. All the time -" Tears well in his eyes, and he doesn't bother to blink them back. "You took them and made them silent."

He slams the cell door behind him, and crumples to the floor, dissolving in tears for the first time since Jesses been back.

Prev | masterpost | next

Tag list: @whumpacabra @turn-the-tables-on-them @kiichu

[spaghettificationandpretzels]

Sinus Rhythm

This is the last part of my Sean Wallace childhood friends to lovers anthology series.

No obligation to read tags: @darklydeliciousdesires @lovemissyhoneybee @daydreaming-belle

Contains: Injury, medical inaccuracies, fluff.

1.4K words

There are some things Sean can't forget.

They didn't know if the car accident was a planned hit or really just wrong place, wrong time; all they knew was that Sean's ribs were broken so badly they needed to be set with plates and screws, that he missed shredded lungs by the miracles of millimetres and that he had a concussion that would require serious monitoring.

There was an anxiety you couldn't name, and the smell of disinfectant and sickness blended together to form a thick patina on the walls that made your skin crawl. The doctor wouldn't let you into his room to wait with him, that was for immediate family only, Billy told you he get you the moment Sean opened his eyes. The ticking clock in the waiting room seemed to mock you, the seconds passing into minutes, which eventually bled into hours until you took off your jacket to use as a pillow and curled into a ball to get some sleep on the rock hard chair; it was going to be a long day.

****

When Sean awoke, he only had a vague idea of what was happening, all he really knew was that he was in a hospital and that his side ached like he had done ten rounds with an ogre. There was a man sitting by his bed he almost knew, like his identity was dangling too far away to reach but then again, everything felt like that right now.

He must have been someone because the second Sean asked who he was, the man paled and rushed to get a doctor. The doctors told him it was post-traumatic amnesia, that in twenty-four hours, he should be back to normal, then there was a click from one of the machines attached to him, and a pleasant warmness lulled him back to sleep.

When he woke again, the name he now knew was his brother was still with him, sipping on a coffee as he read the paper. "Your brain still all empty?"

He shrugged. "Mostly." He looked around, it was a nice room, one only the wealthy could afford. He could see people passing by through the window along one wall, the mix of nurses and doctors growing boring, that was until a woman walked by in civilian clothes, and his heart rate monitor beeped just a bit faster. "Who is that?"

Billy looked up from his newspaper at his tone and chuckled when he saw your tired face. "That's y/n. You don't remember her?"

Sean shook his head. "No, but she's the most exquisite creature I've ever laid my eyes on. Please don't tell me she's your girlfriend?"

He held back a laugh, an evil idea forming in his mind. "No mate, I'll go get her, try not to pop a stitch."

He watched through the window as Billy talked to you, your face awash with so many emotions and he was overcome with the urge to wipe away the wetness that was gathering in your eyes. He did his best to straighten up as you walked in, the doctors had his bed in the raised position to take pressure off his ribs, and he was grateful that it meant you weren't looking down at him when you sat on the edge of the bed. "Billy said you can't remember shit."

His brain was screaming at him to say something, but he was so struck by your beauty that he found himself rendered mute. "Sean."

He blinked. "Yes, but as I'm sure my brother told you, I'll be back to normal by tomorrow. Now who are you?"

You nodded. "Billy didn't…" A glance at his brother showed he was barely holding back a smile. "Who do you think I am?" You didn't want to say it was payback for the fright he gave you, but it was.

He grinned. "Well, you must be my girlfriend." You had to be, there was no other reason for this strange feeling in his chest.

You shook your head, and a lump formed in his throat. "We've been best friends since we were six." No, that couldn't be right, there had to be something more, especially when your hand linked in his and it made him feel like the whole world was sucked away. "You're stone off your gourd and hurt. You'll remember everything in the morning then you can go back to giving me shit for my taste in men."

You turned to Billy and raised your eyebrows. "Can I speak to you outside for a moment?"

He stood up and left but as you went to do the same, Sean stopped you, grabbing your hand and holding on for dear life. "Please don't go, I don't want you to leave."

You squeezed his hand and smiled. "I'll be back in five minutes."

He let you go with a frown and you went outside to talk to Billy. "I get it, but really dude?"

He grinned. "He almost died, now's a good a time as any."

You sighed. "We were just happy being cowards, why do you need to interfere?"

He shrugged. "Because I don't want sister in law I can't stand. Mother's going to push him to marry sooner or later, better it be to the woman he's been in love with since he was a teenager."

Your eyes went wide. "It's really been that long? I thought…." It grew obvious Sean had feelings for you months ago, but you had both been dancing around it, for what reason it was hard to say.

He slapped a hand on your shoulder. "Yep, now get back in there before he hobbles out to get you. I'll go home and get you a change of clothes so you can freshen up."

He raced away before you could say more, and you returned to Sean's bedside with a sigh. "What do you want to know?"

He grinned as best he could. "Everything."

****

Things came back in slowly, fading through the fogginess of his mind until the memories felt real. But Sean didn't stop you from retelling all your favourite stories from your friendship if only to hear them from your perspective. The heart rate monitor's beeping was infuriating, the flash of sound letting the whole world know each time he had a rush of emotion. It went on for hours, Billy sitting guard outside to make sure no one walked in to interrupt, he even shooed away their mother.

But the more the amnesia wore off, the more it became clear to him how close he was to dying. He wasn't a man to take things for granted, not after everything he had to do to get his London back in his family's hands and yet, you still remained unaware of his feelings, even though he caught you looking at him when you thought he wasn't paying attention. He took a deep breath, unwilling to betray his nervousness with the audible untick of his heart. "Y/n, I have to tell you something."

You knew it was coming, the way he was looking at you made that much clear. "Yeah?"

He took your hand in his, his thumb drifting over the backs of your fingers as he gathered himself. "I have been lying to you." He took another deep breath. "The last thing I thought about before I passed out was that I was never going to get to tell you the truth and I must remedy that now."

You held up a hand to stop him, placing your hand on his cheek before leaning down to kiss him. He accepted, his lips soft as he linked his fingers in yours. "You don't need to say anything, I know, I love you too."

He kissed you again, firmer this time, his teeth nipping at your lower lip as you fight the urge to grab at him. But the second he went to do more, his side lit up like someone had stuck his ribs on the stove. He did his best to hide it, but you pulled back with a smile. "We should stop."

He was positively miffed, like someone had yanked his favourite toy away. "The second I'm back in fighting shape we are going to.."

You shook your head to stop him. "I know."

He grinned and slowly shifted across the bed so you could sit next to him on his uninjured side. "You can stay here tonight, with that we're paying them they can't complain."

You pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I'd like that."

Fin

[reneesghostinthelivingroom]

Crumbling Health

|| Chappell Roan x nonbinary!reader

|| Warnings; reader throws up, sick reader, anxiety mentions, reader scared of the doctors, going to the doctors, little dialogue, some fluff at the end, short drabble

|| Summary; when Chappell takes reader to the doctors, reader can't help feeling some anxiety about being there.

Requests closed!

Started; December 17th

Finished; December 17th

Anon Request; Chappell takes scared reader to the doctors

~~~

The doctors was your least favourite place to go; but you were sick and it didn't seem to be getting any better. Chappell had spent the last hour or so trying to convince you to go. She half debated just tricking you, but then she would feel bad after if she did. So, she kept to the honest route. As difficult as it seemed to be.

Eventually, she managed to get you up. You really didn't want to leave your bed. You felt nauseous just sitting up. This would turn into a mess. Chappell, however, didn't seem to care. More focused on her partner's crumbling health. Her arm wrapped around yours, keeping you on your feet. Watching you with caution.

"You gonna throw up?" Chappell asked, you really didn't know. Feeling stuck between a yes and a no. Just in case, Chappell grabbed the bedside trash can she'd previously placed there when you first started getting sick.

You slumped against her. Letting her carry your weight because you really couldn't walk. Everything felt dizzy. As though you were walking on the deck of a ship in a massive storm. Swaying from side to side. Chappell didn't mind, she was here to help you after all.

The car trip was probably the worst part of it all. You'd thrown up a couple of times, Chappell wanted nothing more than to check on you. But she had to focus on getting you to the doctors. She stole glances in your direction, worry lacing her eyes. Her hands on the wheel gripping tighter. Come on.

When they finally got there, she jumped out of the car and got you inside. You fought back a bit. Really not wanting to go in. Of course, you knew you had to. The doctors were just terrifying. Not the people themselves, they were usually pretty nice. Just everything about the place made your anxiety spike.

It was a wait before the doctors got to you. Chappell tried to rush the lines, but even her celebrity status couldn't get you through much faster. She was relieved when the doctor called your name. Getting up with you. The check up went by smoothly, the doctor going through their usual routines with you. You kept a firm grip to Chappell's hand. Just waiting until it was over. You wanted nothing more than to go home. This was just horrible.

Time dragged the more your anxiety took over. It felt like forever before your medication was handed to you and the instructions were given. Chappell paid attention since she figured you wouldn't be able to remember much with how out of focus you were.

The hard part was finished; you were now back in the car. Getting home. The drive back was less tense, though you still threw up. Chappell made a mental note to fabreeze her car later.

At home, she got you back to bed. Getting some food for you to take your medications with," there. That wasn't too bad, was it?"

You huffed. Taking a small bite of the food, knowing too much would make you throw up again," it was awful. I probably have more germs on me now than before."

Chappell made a sound between a snort and a laugh, gently brushing some hair out of your face," rest up, love. Need anything else?"

"You. And maybe a shower," you murmured. Chappell smiled at that. She stayed and cuddled with you while you ate your food, keeping a close eye on you. She only wanted the best for you; and would make sure you had it. Even when you were sick.

[vodika-vibes]

Welcome Home

Banner by idontgetanysleep

Summary: A normal Welcome Home dinner with Kix blossoms into something more.

Pairing: Clone Medic Kix x F!Reader

Word Count: 2737

Warnings: Smut, Oral (F receiving), some angst in regards to two people who can't see the forest for the trees.

A/N: This was supposed to be fluff, but apparently, Kix had different ideas. This is fine. This is my first time writing proper smut in, like, years. So it might not be the greatest.

Divider by Saradika

You have three simple rules that you follow when it comes to dealing with Kix. Three rules that are painfully easy to remember.

Rule 1: Do not ask him about his most recent deployment. If you ask he’ll tell you the truth, and he always looks so broken and defeated when he does. If he wants to talk, he will, but pushing never helps.

Rule 2: No family talk. His family is massive, but you always run the risk of dredging old wounds regarding his fallen brothers. Also, your family kind of sucks, so family talk is better left for other times.

Rule 3: Do not, under any circumstance, draw attention to, or even think about, how you feel about Kix. If you don’t acknowledge it, then it’s not really there, and you don’t run the risk of a broken heart.

The first two rules are easy. You don’t like talking about your strained relationship with your parents and siblings. And you really don’t like the look that Kix gets when he thinks about his job.

The last one is…well, you’re not so good with the last one.

But it’s not really your fault. He’s just…he’s so kind and caring, and when he smiles at you in that way your heart skips a beat, and you have to remind yourself that this is just how Kix is, and that he’s not making your head dizzy and your heart ache on purpose.

Admittedly, it would be easier to not fall in love with him if he spent less time around you. But the very idea of him spending time with another person makes your heart clench so painfully-

Okay. So the hard truth is that you’re in love with Kix. Have been for what seems like ages, but he doesn’t seem interested and that’s okay. Your emotions, and feelings, are your problem. Not his. You just want him to be happy, even if that means relegating yourself to best friend, rather than more.

You drag yourself out of your thoughts when you hear the door chime. You check the time, and then glance in the oven to check the roast that has been slowly cooking all day, and then you head to the door, and press the button that slides the door open.

Kix flashes a small grin at you, “Hey, sarad,” 

You favor him with a small smile, “You’re early.” You move to the side to let him in the apartment.

“Yeah, I decided that I was done for today,” Kix replies as he presses the bottle he brought with him into your arms, “I bring booze.”

“I have booze,” You say dryly, as you accept the bottle.

“You have wine,” Kix corrects, “Which this is not.”

You pause and then eye the bottle suspiciously, “this isn’t the Moonshine that Hardcase and Fives brewed on the Resolute, is it?”

Kix laughs, “I’m pretty sure that would put you in the hospital,” He jokes lightly, “No, I bought it on my way here.”

“How much was it, I’ll pay you back-”

“That’s not necessary. We’re getting paid now, haven’t you heard?”

You shake your head and press the door control again, allowing the door to slide shut and lock, and then you head back into the kitchen, “Well, thank you for buying it. Unfortunately, dinner still has a couple of hours before it’s done. I wasn’t expecting you for a bit.”

“That's fine with me. We can start our movie night early.” Kix says as he steps into the living room and immediately goes right over to your TV. “What do you want to start with?”

“Oh, anything’s fine.” You reply from the kitchen as you read the back of the bottle, and then slide it in your fridge, before you join him in the living room. You sit on the couch and curl your legs under yourself as you watch Kix scroll through the movie options.

You’re surprised when he chooses one that you’ve both seen before. “I thought you didn’t like this movie?” You ask as the music starts. If you remember correctly this movie was a romcom that Kix hated so much that he vowed to never watch it again.

“Oh, I don’t.” Kix sits on the couch and turns so he’s leaning against the arm of the couch and facing you, and he sprawls his legs across the couch, and you mimic him, twisting so you’re facing him as well. “I figured that since we’ve already seen this movie, it means we can talk.”

You unfold your legs and stretch them out so they’re laying against his, “Oh? Did you want to hear the latest gossip from Coruscant?”

“Hardly. I wanted to talk about you.”

“Me?” You’re surprised, to say the least, “There’s nothing new about me. I live a very boring life, Kix.”

He hums thoughtfully, “How’s work going? You were having problems with one of your coworkers-”

“Much better,” You admit with a small smile, “He was fired after he had a temper-tantrum during a meeting. And,” You motion to the desk in the corner, “We’re now officially working from home. He sold the offices.”

“Nice. You must be thrilled.”

“I am. No more annoying small talk with small minded people. Though that means I spend a lot of time on my own.” You shrug and smile at him warmly, “But before you get worried, I do get out of the house at least three times a week.”

“I wasn’t worried.”

“Were too,”

“Okay, maybe a little.” Kix finally admits with a laugh, “But I know that you know how to take care of yourself.”

“It’s sweet of you to worry.” You say lightly, “But really, you don’t have to worry about me.”

“You’re a friend, so I worry.” Kix replies easily. He’s quiet for a moment, and then casually, almost too casually, he asks, “So, how’s what’s his name?”

“I…who?” You tilt your head in confusion.

“The guy you were talking to,” He clarifies, his voice slightly tight, “You went on a date with him-”

“Oh, him.” You shrug, “Yeah, it…it didn’t work out.”

Something drains out of Kix’s shoulders, and if you hadn’t been looking at him, you wouldn’t have noticed, “Oh. I’m sorry to hear that.” He doesn’t sound sorry.

You hum thoughtfully, “Yeah. Well, I’m considering giving up on dating for a bit. The last few guys who’ve asked me out on dates have all been assholes.”

“Well, maybe you should ask someone out rather than waiting for someone to ask you out,” Kix offers.

You make a face, “I suppose there is a guy I’m interested in.”

“That’s…great.” You glance at him and he has a strange look on his face, “You should ask him out.”

You shake your head, “He wouldn’t be interested in me. Better to just ignore it, rather than humiliate myself.”

“Humiliate? Why would you be humiliated? Is he an asshole?” Kix asks.

You sigh, “No. No, Kix. He’s perfect. I’m not good enough for him and I know it.” You shift, “Can we talk about something else, please?”

He’s quiet for a moment, “Yeah, alright.” Kix pauses, “Just, any guy would be lucky to have you, you know that right?”

You shake your head, “We both know that’s not true, Kix. But it’s nice of you to say so.” You shift, “But what about you? Surely there’s someone-”

“Yes. There is.” He says immediately, his gaze locked on your face, “She’s amazing. Kind. Caring.”

“Oh. She does sound great. You deserve amazing.” You want Kix to be happy. You want him happy even if it’s not with you. You want him to be happy so you smile, and try to pretend that your heart isn’t breaking.

“Yeah, maybe.” Kix shrugs, and glances at the TV, “I’m going to change to a different movie, I think.”

“Go ahead.” You smile at him, though it’s much smaller than usual, “I’m going to check on the food.” He hums something as you get up and turn towards the kitchen. 

You barely take a single step, before his hand wraps around your wrist. 

You turn and look up at him, “Kix? Is something wrong?”

He doesn’t say anything for a long moment, his hand releases your grip and then both of his hands rest on your shoulders, his grip firm. He obviously hesitates, seemingly at war with himself, and then he utters something in Mando’a, and he crashes his lips against yours.

You don’t react for the span of a heartbeat. His lips are warm and soft, and better than you could ever imagine. You lift your hands and lightly grip the front of his shirt, and lean into the kiss. And you kiss him back, and that’s apparently everything to Kix, because he groans against your lips, and somehow manages to pull you impossibly closer.

And when he breaks the kiss, he’s breathing heavily, and he presses his forehead against yours. His eyes are dark and somehow his hands moved from your shoulders to cup your face. 

“...Kix?” You whisper.

He swallows hard, his gaze dropping back to your lips, and there’s a look of longing. “It’s you,” He replies, his voice just as quiet as yours, “It’s always been you, and it’ll always be you.” He lightly trails his thumb over your lower lip, “I’m greedy and selfish and the idea of you kissing another man makes me-” He exhales sharply, “Give me a chance? I’ll treat you like you deserve to be treated, and I know I’m probably not who you want but…” He trails off, seemingly at a loss for words.

You stare at him with wide eyes for a moment, and then you smile, soft and slow. “Oh, Kix.” You whisper, and he tenses under your fingers, as though preparing for a blow, “The guy I was talking about is you.” You keep your voice low, as though you’re sharing a secret for his ears only.

His eyes snap to meet yours, “You…why didn’t you…You thought I would humiliate you?” He sounds hurt.

“No. Never.” You answer softly. Whatever else you planned to say to him was stolen by his lips sealing over yours once again.

While the first kiss was gentle, and almost chaste, this one was anything but. He tangles one of his hands in your hair, using your hair to tilt your head back for better access. He nips your lower lip, and then soothes the mild pain with a lazy trail of his tongue, and you’re helpless to do anything more than part your lips for him.

His tongue slides against your own, and you whimper against his lips. The noises escaping you seem to awaken something in him, as his free hand slides down your body, and ghosts across your clothed breast.

You can feel his erection pressing against your stomach, and your fingers twitch against his shirt. You want to touch him more than you’ve ever wanted anything in your life.

He breaks the kiss, and his lips move to trail down your throat. He licks, nips, and sucks his way to the juncture of your neck and shoulder, each caress of his lips pulling another pleasure filled noise from your parted lips.

“How long?” Kix asks through a groan, as he trails his lips across your throat to the other side of your neck.

“What?” You ask before he pulls another moan from you.

“How long before you have to worry about dinner burning?” He clarifies, his hand now sliding under your shirt.

“Oh, um…” You flicker your eyes towards the timer on the oven, “T-two hours.” You let out a shuddering moan when his teeth bite sharply into your neck, that’s definitely going to leave a mark.

He mumbles something in Mando’a against your neck, and your hands finally start moving, one hand slides up his chest and then up through his buzzed hair, your fingers lightly tracing his tattoos. Your other hand slides down his chest, over his hips, until you’re able to palm his cock over his pants. He groans low in his throat and his hips jerk once.

Kix’s lips trail back up your neck, and he catches your lips once more. He breaks that kiss and presses his forehead heavily against yours. “Mesh’la,” He murmurs, moving so that his lips just barely brush against your own. “I-” He trails off, unable to keep his lips off of you even long enough to finish his thought. “Need you,” He manages to gasp out, “Please.”

“You have me,” You whisper to him, and your words seem to settle some of his frantic energy.

His hands start moving slower, with more purpose. He removes each piece of clothing shielding you from him with surgical precision. His fingers slide against every inch of exposed skin, his lips ghosting after them. And before you know it, you’re totally bare to him, and his wandering fingers.

Kix’s fingers dip between your thighs, and he slowly, lazily almost, circles your clit with a practiced finger. Your gasp and your hips jerk against his hand, and he groans against your temple, “Mesh’la, you’re so wet for me.” He praises, a low chuckle falling from him as you shiver at his words.

“Wanted you for a while,” You admit as you try to move your hips so he’ll move faster, but whenever you move your hips, he stops moving his fingers. “Kix…” You whine.

He grins, and pulls you into a deep kiss, pulling his fingers away from you. You let out another whine, that changes into a started squeak as he effortlessly picks you up and walks you into your bedroom, “Oh mesh’la, I’m not fucking you on the couch.” And then he smirks, “Well, not yet.”

“Don’t care where, so long as you do.” You reply breathlessly.

He sets you on the bed, and then takes a step back to peel off his own clothes. You hungrily drag your gaze down his body, your fingers flexing against your comforter as you fight the urge to stand up and touch him.

Kix notices and he laughs, “Patience, cyare. You’ll get your chance to touch me.” He grins at you impishly, and then smoothly drops to his knees next to the bed. He keeps his gaze locked with yours as he lightly directs you to set your legs over his shoulders, and he slowly, teasingly, kisses up your legs.

Even knowing what his plan is, you still let out a startled noise when he slowly drags his tongue across your folds. A noise that quickly morphed into a moan of pleasure when he slowly circled your clit with his tongue.

He was a quick study. He slowly explored every inch of your pussy with his lips, tongue, and fingers, making note of what actions made you clench around him, what made your moan, what made you arch off the bed.

He circles your clit with his tongue, and then he wraps his lips around the sensitive bundle of nerves, and sucks very gently, which pulls a moan from you. Kix clearly thinks that it’s not enough, as he slides two of his fingers in you, slowly thrusting and then curling them so that he is hitting the spot inside you that makes you see stars.

You can feel yourself getting close, and you writhe on the bed, seeking just a little more friction. Kix’s name slips from your lips in a quiet plea, and he seems to understand what you’re trying to say without you saying anything, because his lazy movements become a little faster.

And the coil snaps and you see stars as you bite your lower lip to muffle the pleasure filled cry that wants to escape. And Kix doesn’t pull away until you gently smooth your fingers over his head. He presses one more kiss to your thigh and absently wipes his face with his hand, before he crawls over you and pins you to the bed between his arms.

“Next time,” Kix promises as his lips ghost against yours, “I’m going to make you scream, mesh’la.”

You blush bright red, and avert your gaze. 

Kix grins, and grabs your wrists, pinning them over your head with one hand, “It’s okay, cyare.” He coos, “I’m going to take care of you.” And then he kisses you and you forget everything that’s not him and you.

[thoughtsandbones]

Our fellow hidden humorous

Simon 'Ghost' Riley x F!MedicDoc (codename: Blue)

WARNINGS: Mention of alcohol, mental health/self harm scars, fluff, just getting the POV of our friendly neighbourhood masked menace.

(shall we speed up with the fluff? 💀💙)

Song inspo: Goodbye Yellow Brick Road - Elton John and

Word count: 5.1K

I grew up with the OG MW2 game, so there are some references to the old one, so kind of a mix of both the OG and the new timeline... (Also I'm ignoring the OG Shepherd betrayal and keeping in line the one with the new timeline..)

All rights reserved to the rightful owners of Call of Duty Modern Warfare.

spelling and some grammar mistakes as I am bad at times... :/

(FYI: bold sentences... that are like this... are supposed to describe redacted data/info to the plot... ;] .. )

Please do let me know how you all are finding this fanfic! :D

PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4 and PART 5

Part 6

~A 141 pub outing~

This time last week you had set foot back on this base. 7 days. It has been 7 days and you were slowly making yourself blend back into the military regime.

You feel the joy of routine that was brought with the army. Getting up early, exercise, join in on the occasional drill, practise shooting and then the rest of the day in the infirmary as the 141's in house doctor and as a liaison doctor with the Royal Medical Corps on base. The previous experience you had with the 141 had made you a valued asset again for the team.

The infirmary no longer barren but upon near completion. Semi-operational you had started to compose a list of tasks that needed to completed. Both in your head and in your black journal that had been a staple in your medical career. Tasks written down on each page, occupying each of the minutes that passed each day. 20 minute run. Surgery for 3 hours. Rotations that needed to done. Focusing on the task at hand.

It was exactly 17:05pm today. Thursday. This exact time last week you landed here at base. Your new place of rest. The next chapter of your life.

You now realise how tense you were last week. The first few days you scrunched your shoulders. Contracting the muscles in your back, on edge and rigid. No longer feeling rigid, but you remain stoic and composed.

Soap invited you out this evening to the local pub that the team frequented. You vaguely remember it. It had been a long time, and honestly you were not that much of drinker back then.

Exercise had helped ease the tension. Drills had helped you ease the looming anxiety by focusing. Sinking into the moment.

Price, Soap and even Ghost had been impressed by your eagerness to attend these drills and practise shootings.

"Shame you can't come with us on missions and patch us up there and then." Soap had said after you unloaded your last mag on the L96 sniper rifle and were placing the rifle back in its storage.

You smirked and shook your head.

A deep grunt came from Ghost next to him as he placed his weapons away.

"Come to the Anchor this evening" Soap had suggested as the three of you left the shooting range.

You mulled over the thought a feeble "hmmm" comes out of you

"Lt is coming, Gaz is back today and Price will be there too" Soap continues, adamant in his attempt to join them

You look up over to Ghost, who was a few paces behind you, who was looking at you. You could feel his eyes drilling at the back of your skull. You then turned back to Soap

"Maybe, need a few things to finish up in the infirmary" You say finally

"Lassie you work too hard" Soap says trying swat you. You dodge his attempt and give a small laugh.

Ghost watched on as he saw Soap talk to you. How could he talk to you with such ease was beyond him. The past week he could not keep himself from looking at you whenever you entered the mess hall, passed each other in the hall; you'd always give a smile, not the one he remembered, not the one the one that brightened your eyes and made them crinkle in the corner, but a small one that only used the left corner of your lips, and was quick, as if your lacked the energy to smile properly.

He still hadn't told you who is really was. That the man walking behind you, under the mask was Simon. Simon Riley. But now he was no longer the Simon who was a sergeant under The Captain, not the same Simon you knew. Not the one who you used to tease along with the other four cadets. He was now just Ghost.

The three of you headed back to your rooms, crossing the near empty tarmac of base. The sun setting low in the horizon. Ghost watched as you turned your head to the sunset, he could see the side of your face, a smile creeping across your lips as you gaze at the sun, the rays making your brown skin more radiant.

On the way to your room, situated just two doors down from the infirmary you turn to both Ghost and Soap

"I'll see you guys down at the Archer then" you finally give Soap his much awaited answer as you unlock the door to your room.

Soap turns towards you "Aye lassie knew you'd come" he glees

"See ya later" Ghost says to you, you turn to him and smile nod your head to him and then close the door to your room.

Collapsing on your bed. Briefly recharging your social battery for this evening. You convince yourself that this evening will help you bond with the team and gain their trust.

"A hot shower seems perfect right now" You say to yourself

Price and Soap seem to have taken you in warmly. Yet Ghost... You couldn't shake the nagging feeling that he did not like you...

Later on that evening

It was 20:30pm, you walked down to the pub, hands in the pockets of your leather jacket. A quick google map search showed it was only 10 minutes away outside base.

Your hair was wavy as a result of the braids you put in earlier during the practice shooting session, letting your hair loose this evening. Wearing black skinny jeans and a baggier grey t-shirt covered by a leather jacket. Opting for your trainers this evening.

Once you were near the pub you spot Price, taking a drag of a cigar, and Ghost outside, next to the other smokers as they both conversed with one another.

One stark difference you notice is that Ghost had swapped his hard skull mask for a black balaclava that had a skull print in white on it. He had the hood of his hoodie up. You notice the black paint wearing off around his eyes.

"Evening" you say to them as you approach the both of them

"Hari! Price exclaims before taking another drag of his cigar

You look over to Ghost who gives you a nod hello. Nodding back and giving him a smile, noticing in the street lights above that his eyes. They were blue, surrounded by long blonde eyelashes. Your eyes drew into his like a magnet.

"Soap and Gaz are inside, we'll join you in a bit" Price said, continuing to take a drag.

You nod at him and walk through the door. You see Soap and Gaz in the corner. Walking over to them, they both look up at you, Soap starts grinning

"Alrigh' lassie?" Soap says

"All good, yourself" You reply back smiling as you sit down, Gaz gives you a nod whilst he took a sip of his pint

"Good" Soap responds.

You hold out your hand towards Gaz "Nice to meet you sir, I'm Hari" you say

Gaz nearly chokes on his drink when you call him sir

"Please, call me Gaz, sir is reserved for Price" he says laughing "Nice to meet you Doc"

You smile at him

"Let me get yer a drink Hari? Wine?" Soap presumes

"No thank you, I'm not drinking alcohol this evening, I'm assisting in a surgery tomorrow with the RMC" You reply

Price and Ghost came back inside, Price sitting next to you and Ghost opposite of you, you smile at the both of them.

"Surely you can have one glass of wine? I'll get you one!" Soap says placing his hands on his thighs ready to get up.

"Bold of you to assume I like wine" You quipped at Soap and give him a playful smirk.

Price and Gaz laugh, Soap gaped at you and Ghost smirked under his mask.

"I'm going to grab a drink , anyone want anything?" You say as you get back up, hoping no one will follow you as you look around the four men.

"I'm alright thanks" Gaz says giving you a nod

"Got my pint, cheers Hari" Price says

"Nee' ter fini--s' this -brew" Soap says suppressing an upcoming burp tapping his pint.

"All good 'ere" Ghost says looking at you. You smile back at them and turn to walk to the bar. Ghost's gaze follows you, he noticed you rotate your right shoulder two times as you walked to the bar clenching and then unclenching your fist.

"New doc seems nice" Gaz said as he surveyed you, taking a sip from his pint.

"Aye, lassie is a nice one, a wee bit puzzlin' though" Soap says

"How so?" Gaz asks, confusion taking ahold of his face looking at Soap and then Price

Soap drops his head and brings his hand up to cover his mouth and ~quietly~ burps.

"Soap relax, she is just settling back into military life, and has done extremely well over the past week" Price said, his face brightening. "Infirmary looks amazing, and she's joining in on drills and practice sessions." He adds.

"Wow, considering the shit state it was before, hope it looks good" Gaz says.

"Does look really goo'" Soap says, his words slurring a bit. "Like a hospital" he adds.

Ghost kept his eye on Soap, and then looked down at the two other empty glasses besides his half-finished pint in his hand.

He's part pissed already Ghost thinks and reverts his eyes to you standing at the bar. Your brown hair loose and wavy cascading down your back. You shift between one leg and the other, left hand in your jacket pocket, your fingers on your right hand tapping against your thigh as you wait for the barman to finish serving a group of ladies on the left of you, several of whom kept glancing over to him.

You lift your right arm and flick the shorter strands of hair back and turn around to look behind you and you meet Ghost's gaze, and take a deep inhale through your nose and smile at him. Ghost diverts his gaze down to his drink and swirls the ice in his glass.

You turn back around facing the bar, no longer feeling Ghost's eyes drilling in your back.

"Sorry, I'll be with you in a few moments" the barman says towards

"No worries mate, take your time" you respond, giving him a weak smile.

Thinking back to his eyes. The wearing off the paint had shown his true eye colour. Blue. An enigmatic deep blue that left you bewildered and drew you in like a magnet, somehow, you don't know how, those eyes have looked at you before.

I wonder what kind of person he is you think to yourself. Who are you behind those blue eyes. What thoughts linger along the grey matter enclosed by your cranial bones.

Once you get your drink, pint of Coca Cola, with a lime wedge and ice, you head back over to the table where the rest of the team sat.

Ghost looks back up over to you and sees you looking right back, your drink in hand.

You keep your eyes locked on him as you make your way over to the table; continuing to think about the voice of his inner workings seeping through his spinal fluid

You grab a cardboard coaster that lay near Price, and place your drink on top.

"Wha-t'd yer ge'?" Soap asks, heavy Scottish accent looms

"Pint of coke" You say dryly, bringing up the cold glass up to your mouth and taking a sip, relishing in the sudden rush of the cold coke moistening your tongue that became dry.

"How was leave Gaz?" Price asked Gaz

"It was good, nice to relax a bit" He replied

"Do anything nice?" You ask him. Gaz looks at you and smiles,

"Saw few mates back home and played bit of football" He said

"Thin' we sho-ud' shots" Soap suggests out loud

You and Gaz look up to Soap, he was slightly swaying and wide eyed. Is he pissed? Thinking to yourself.

"Wouldn't mind one" Gaz said, giving Soap a pat with his right hand on his back.

"I'll have one too then Soap" Price says

A few moments later 5 shot glasses appeared on the table as Soap and Gaz place them in the centre of the table

Soap moves each of the shots in front of Gaz, Ghost, Price and you.

"Ah Soap" You say groaning, as he moves the shot towards you.

"C'mon Hari" Soap says noticing your grimaced face.

You take another sip of your coke and look at the shot in front of you. The unknown 25 mL colourless liquid.

Lifting up the shot to your nose, you instantly identify the liquid from the strong anise-flavoured smell. Sambuca.

"Nope" you say and slide the shot back into the middle of the table.

"C'mon" Soap said again

"I don't do sambuca, it's vile!" You explain, giving the shot a disgusted look and pushing it further away

"Okay then" Soap says huffing.

"Right lads" Price says picking up his shot, the other three follow his move "Welcome back to 141 Hari" Price resumed nodding to you as you meet his eyes.

You pick up your coke and join in the cheers, laughing slightly as the big glass towered over the shot glasses.

As you took a sip of your drink you noticed Ghost pull up his balaclava with his left hand whilst holding the shot in the other, and placed the edge of the shot in his mouth tilting his head back. This glance revealed his pale skin, dry lips that moistened with drops of sambuca, you noticed blonde stubble across his jaw. You diverted your eyes back down to your glass as he brought his mask and head down.

Ghost looks at you as you take another sip of your drink, you look back at him, locking him in with those glassy brown eyes, a few strands of your short hair fall, the ends touching the warm brown skin, near the edge of your cheek, he noticed they have pink hue. Another strand touched the corner of your lips, lips that were glossy and a slight pale red. His eyes spanned across those lips, noticing two very small brown moles, on the edge of the top lip on the left, and the other just above.

Soap and Gaz grimace after taking their shot, Gaz chases the shot down with a sip of his pint.

Feeling flushed all of a sudden, you take off your jacket and place it on the back of the chair, bringing your bare right arm on to the table and holding your glass and placing your left arm on your left thigh.

"Who's gonna have the spare shot?" You ask around the table smiling at the guys.

"Not me" Gaz says "Hari you're right, that stuff is vile" he adds

Price chuckles at Gaz and then takes a sip of his pint. You laugh at Gaz's comment.

"Aye, I'll 'ave it" Soap says grabbing the shot and downs it.

Leaning back in the chair and lifting your right arm, you run your fingers through your hair, pushing the shorts strands away from your face.

Ghost notices a black bone tattoo on your upper arm on the back, starting near your elbow and disappeared up your arm covered by your t-shirt. He traced his eyes back down your arm and then back up to your face. His eyes meet yours, locked in as you lower your arm down on the table again.

Soap also took note of your tattoo

"Nice tat'oo" He said slurring his words. You turn your gaze to Soap, you noticed his eyes became super wide. The alcohol was thoroughly coursing his body. "Why a bone?" He adds

"Never knew you had a tattoo" Price said looking at you arm as you lifted it up, pointing your elbow to the sky, your biceps flexed as you lifted the sleeve of your t-shirt down near your underarm, showing your tattoo in its entirety to the team.

"Cor lassie you have some muscles!" Soap blurted out pointing towards your arm. Gaz shakes his head and laughs.

"Johnny's drunk" Ghost said as he looked at him disapprovingly.

You were taken aback by Soap's comment and lowered you arm.

"It's the humerus bone" you say smiling, showing your teeth, looking at the tattoo

Soap was surprised by your smile, the same one who showed briefly on your first day. He felt a warm feeling spread across his chest. To be honest, think that was the alcohol

"Yer real pretty" Soap says gazing at you

Price and Gaz look at Soap with shocked looks and then turn to you. Ghost narrowed his eyes at Soap and then looked at you.

You snorted and then scoffed, shaking your head.

"Soap's off his trolley" you say to Ghost, who nods in agreement.

"Come off it Soap" Price says "Getting you some water" he adds and then gets up from his chair heading to the bar.

"'Onest-ly, yer are" Soap adds "Yer got a fella back home?" Soap asks grinning, his head bobbing.

"Fucks sake Johnny" Ghost gruffs, nudging him slightly in the sides and looks back over to you with cautioned eyes. Why did he have to get this pissed tonight he thought.

He saw how your face changed from that smile to annoyance. Your eyes wide as you come to grasp what Soap said.

"Nope, no one back home" You say say looking at Soap and then back to your half finished pint of coke, and take another sip, you meet Ghosts gaze again, you look back down as you lower the glass.

Soap tried to reach over to you, Ghost pushed him back slightly with his left arm, as Soap nearly knocked an empty glass over. Price walked over with a glass of water to Soap and set it in front of him.

"Drink up sergeant, you'll have a killer hangover tomorrow" Price says to him shaking his shoulder. Soap takes a sip of water. "Doc ain't going to be looking after you tomorrow" He adds looking over at you.

Price took in your face full of concern, your dark thick eyebrows burrowed close together. He suppressed a chuckle when he looked back over to Soap who started to hug the glass of water.

"You alrigh'?" Ghost asks noticing your face still was stern. You look up at Ghost, eyebrows still furrowed and lips pursed.

"All good" You say giving him a smile. "What you drinking lieutenant?" You add, nodding your head towards his glass, where the ice nearly melted

"Bourbon" he said picking it up and swirling the glass.

"A man of corn whiskey eh?" You say back to him, smiling.

"I love Kentucky" He says taking in your warm smile, and then felt the edge of his mouth curve a bit under his mask.

"Speakin' o' love" Soap butts in, sliding closer to Ghost, with his glass of water in hand pointing at you. Ghost turns to him in annoyance whilst you look on, bracing yourself for another drunk comment.

"Here we go" Price huffs, eyeing Soap as he watches the sergeant continue his drunken behaviour he'll surely regret tomorrow. Gaz places a hand over his mouth to stifle a laugh.

"Ever been in love?" Soap says towards you

You scoff again at his bluntness, shaking your head.

"Long time ago" you reply taking a longer sip of coke, placing the glass back down, continuing to stare at the last remnants of ice in Ghost's drink.

"Awh did he break yer hear'" Soap said eyeing you, leaning across to Ghost who tried to nudge him off his shoulder.

You look up, and smirk at Soap's remark. He takes a sip of his water

"Yeah... she kind of did" You said, looking straight at Soap to take in his reaction.

Ghost's eyes widen at you. Soap chokes and spits out some water, some of it on Ghost who shoved Soap away from him. Price and Gaz laughed.

"Fucks sake Johnny, get a hol' yourself" Ghost grunts. You reach in your jacket pocket for a pack of tissues and hand one to Ghost.

"Thanks" He says grabbing the tissue and wiping his jacket.

"Time for us to head back now Soap" Price said chuckling and checking his watch, getting up from his seat and moving towards Soap who tried to get up by himself but was struggling.

"Gaz gimme a hand" Price says attempting to help Soap stand up and grab his jacket. Gaz gets up and moves towards Soap and Price.

You still sit and grab your drink, taking another sip. You eyes meet Ghost's who was still sitting as well.

"You two coming?" Gaz asks looking at you and Ghost.

"I'm gonna finish my drink" You say, lifting your glass.

"I'll walk back with you" Ghost says, looking at you.

"Don't have to, base isn't far" You say back to him

"Don't min'" Ghost says as he watches Price and Gaz carry a drunk Soap off his seat and put his jacket on. He notices Price staring at him and then mouth "Tell her!" He sighs and looks back at you. Don't want you walking back by yourself this late he thinks to himself as he checks his watch. 11:05pm.

As Price and Gaz steady Soap, their arms wrapped around his shoulders, you hear a small whelp "She broke her hear'?" coming from Soap as they walk off behind you.

Laughing, you turn to Ghost who had his eyes on you. Still watching me are you? You think.

"Do I have something on my face?" You say, moving your left hand up and scratching your cheek.

"No" Ghost says, still looking at you.

"Then why are you staring?" You say back, giving him a smile, as you place you left arm on the table, wrapping your fingers around the glass.

Ghost looks down, trails his eyes on your fingers curved around the glass and moves his eyes up your wrist. His eyes narrow as he notices long white scars spreading from your wrist to the top of your lower arm. White scars in contrast to your brown skin. You followed his eyes, and removed your arm from the table, and placed your arm on your thigh.

You became so used to the scars on your arm that you forgot they were there until other people stare or made comments about them.

"Bad habit of mine" Ghost says finally "Sorry" he says looking up at you. The blue eyes drawing you in.

"Listen, I know you have reasons to be cautious" You begin "Price told me about Shepherd" You add sympathetically.

That fucking traitor you think scowling to yourself.

Ghost takes a deep breathe and leans back in his chair. A chill overtook his body. He grabbed his drink and then lifted his balaclava to take a sip. Liquid courage he thinks hoping it'll help ease the upcoming confession.

You briefly look at the exposed skin, so pale and dull. When was the last time your skin felt the sun you wonder.

"My file is probably a piece of shit" You say, breaking the silence. You couldn't stand a potential mentor hating you. Suddenly, without the alcohol, you found the courage to just blurt your thoughts.

"It's only logical to be suspicious, but I mean no harm. I'm just here to help and want to be values member of the team" You confess.

Ghost looks at you, a feeling of slight guilt overrides him. A lump was forming in his throat. Why is it so hard to tell you he thinks

"I know" He says at last, clearing is throat, yet the lump persists. He leans forward, his blue eyes darting over your now worried face. Eyebrows furrowed, but your eyes have a sad glaze to them.

"Shall we start fresh lieutenant?" You say, offering your right hand towards him and giving him a smile, a smile that made your eyes crinkle. The smile Ghost recognised.

He extends his hand out, and shakes yours, your soft warm hands wrapped and engulfed his calloused cold hand. Ghost noted the firmness of your shake, gripping his hand. You start to let go and Ghost follows your move. Sitting up and leaning a bit closer to you.

You pick up your glass and take the last long sip of coke and remaining ice, crushing it between your teeth and letting it flow through. Lifting your phone out your inner jacket pocket you realise it's nearly midnight.

"Shoot" You say and then look up to Ghost "Is it alright if we go? Have surgery tomorrow morning" you add

"Course" Ghost says leaning back and getting up. You follow through, grabbing your jacket and putting it on.

Ghost comes round the table and stands near you and watches as you slip your arms in your jacket and then look up at him.

"Ready?" You say giving him a smile

"Yeah" Ghost says, placing his hands in his jacket pockets and readjusting the hood of his hoodie, even though nothing else could hide would already hid with the mask of Ghost.

"Thank you!" You say to the barman as you head to the door

"Cheers guys!" He replies looking at both you and Ghost, Ghost nods back and follows you out. He takes a longer stride to reach the door before you to open it, letting you walk through first into the darkness outside.

"Thank you" You say as turn round facing Ghost once outside, waiting for him to close the door. You both start walking side by side on the pavement, under the glow of the orange the street lights.

"You've been good in drills." Ghost says turning to you. The only compliment that was able to come out of his mouth. You grin at him, and then look down at your shoes walking on along side him.

"They're good, tough but good." You say smiling at him, you lift your head up view the night sky. Unable to make out any stars, no moon this late... The orange street lamps did not help at all.

Ghost follows your gaze, curious as to what you were looking at.

"Somethin' wrong?" He asks looking back down at you, you turn to look at him, a puzzled look swept across your face.

"No, just trying to see the stars" You say pointing to the sky

"Oh" Ghost says "Why?" he asks

You turn to look at him, disbelief was the next look that took ahold of you as you scoffed

"Because..." you start motioning towards the dark sky, trying to see any stars, but had no luck due to the street lights. Looking around you try and find an area that wasn't near any artificial lights. Up ahead you see a small wooden area.

"C'mon let me show you" You say turning to Ghost and then walking up ahead, your pace quickening. Ghost follows, taking his long strides that match your slight jog.

As you both reach the wooded area you walk in a bit whilst Ghost watches you continue to look up in the sky.

Away from the lights, your eyes focus on the night sky, you see three dots in a slight bent line. Orion's belt.

"Look here" You say pointing to the stars. Ghost looks up, waiting for his eyes adjust, and tries to navigate them to where you are roughly pointing. He sees the bright white speckles coming out against the deep dark blue of the night. No clouds in view. He sees three dots.

"Those three dots?" He asks keeping his eyes on them

"Yeah, that's Orion's belt" You say, getting a bit close to Ghost, looking at the belt as well "Then if you look up, you'll see two other stars, same as you go down" You add pointing with your finger. Ghost follows your instructions and looks at the additional four stars, two at the top and two at the bottom.

"It's like a body" He whispers and looks down at you, seeing a look of awe transform your face as you look up at him.

"That's the constellation Orion, it's about 2000 light years away" You start, looking back up at the night sky. Ghost looks back, taking in the stars that scatter the night sky. Both of you stand there in silence, taking it in, surrounded by the woods whilst a gentle wind flows through the leaves of the trees.

"What about the other ones?" Ghosts asks turning around and noticing the other stars that have become visible. Never before had he looked at the night sky like this.

"Urm, not sure" You say. "Shit, it's past midnight" you say checking your phone again, you look up at Ghost "Maybe another time, sorry I need sleep" You say

"Course" He adds and starts walking back down out of the woodlands with you. You quicken your pace. "Thank you... Hari" Ghost says, turning to look at you. You smile back at him

"Made you interested in the sky now" You say smirking and turned to look ahead.

Ghost nodded "Yeah" he whispered

The both of you headed back to base, enjoying the silent walk back, the night sky now obscured by the flood lights, making any view of the stars impossible.

Heading to your quarters, Ghost follows you, just a few paces behind, and watches as you take your key out the jacket and unlock the door. You turn towards him.

"Good night lieutenant" You say, Ghost notices your eyes become weary and tired.

"Good night Hari" He says, nodding. You give him a smile and close the door.

Ghost walks down the corridor to his room, unlocking the door and walks. He locks the door and takes his hoodie, top, jeans and balaclava off, heading to the bathroom. He looks at the reflection in the mirror. Looks at the person starring back. Simon Riley. But it wasn't the Simon Riley you knew.

Fuck

How could you bewitch him and make him forget to tell the one important thing that Price kept bringing up to him each day in the past week you had arrived.

Simon splashed cold water on his face, grabbing a bit of soap and washing the remaining black paint off his face. He dried his face with a towel and looked at himself again. The scars running across his nose, his left temple, and his cheek.

You had scars too he said, remembering those white scars scattered on your arm. Did you do it yourself or was it in Siberia? Ghost thought as he shuffled to his bed and collapsed. His mind now full of thoughts and questions of you.

Who was that woman who broke your heart? He thought as he buried his face into the pillow, the remnant feeling of your firm grip of the handshake you gave pulsed through his hand. He remembered how soft your hand was against his rough calloused war torn hand.

He drifted off to sleep, recalling the image of the Orion constellation in the night sky, Simon felt a part of himself open up a bit more...

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

hurt/comfort prompt(s): "i know you're freaking out, but I've had worse" and/or "you're not fine!"

From this prompt list!

"Tom, remember to breathe. And if you're going to puke, aim somewhere else." Sarah says with all the concern she can muster. She's being incredibly patient about the whole thing and the fact she's got a medic and Tom in her face. It's not like she wanted to get shot, but it what the armor was for, what she was for. Damn thing hurt like a bitch, but at least it went all the way through. At least the military kept her up to date on all her shots. Tetanus on top of everything else happening would just make her mood worse.

He's holding her hand and squeezing hard enough she can notice it through the gauntlet. The error codes her HUD hasn't stopped throwing in her face now subside as the Mjolnir's sensors on her palms read his touch and read out to his IFF tag. They both look and feel like shit, but that makes sense. It's been months with very little progress. No word about anyone else. What is happening out there on the other fragments of this damn Halo?

Thinking about it soured her already dismal mood. Her adrenaline keeps fading and she grimaces at the mess of her shoulder. Missed shot. She huffs a laugh and explains to a bewildered Tom, "Don't let Halsey see, or she'll offer to make us match."

"You're joking? I guess I should be happy about that." He sighs and rubs at his temples. His smile dies a quick death on his face as he looks her over again.

She and the medic attending the weeping wound in her shoulder both side eye the captain who's looking a bit green as he eyes her in return. Well, her wound and the spike round lodged into the rock behind her.

Tom opens his mouth to argue, his bloodshot eyes meeting hers, but the medic finishes taping her and immobilizing her left arm before he can. They spout off basic care. Keep it clean, keep it dry, do not try to poke it - typical instructions for a S-IV. They nod and leave the commander and captain locked in a silent conversation.

When the medic is far enough away, Sarah beats him to the punch. "I know you're freaking out, but I've had worse."

"That doesn't help and you know it."

"You're concerned over nothing. We're built to take hits. It's most cauterized anyway." She's losing ground in the argument and she knows it. She used to silence his worries and deal with the puppy eyes he'd use instead of words. Now he's hovering and he won't stop talking. "Help me eat my lunch and I'll tell you how I saved an Admiral from a Chieftain and only got hit twice by someone not even in the fight."

"Sarah."

"Tom."

She scowls. If she had more energy she'd be pissed off, but these days it was harder and harder to hold onto anything that wasn't anger or revenge. Spite had fueled her a long time, but now there was hardly anything left. She and the armor had been running on empty. Her HUD squawks warnings and overdue updates. "I'm fine."

"You're not fine!" Tom bellows and it shocks her into silence. "Don't say it is. Don't lie. You know I can hear the warning, I can see you limping when the armor locks up. It's unpredictable but this all ends the same way."

He deflates, hand still locked in hers. "I hate seeing you in it and thinking about how it's going to be your coffin."

"Is that all?" She asks. Her voice only catches in her throat on the last word.

Tom's jaw flexes and he swallows hard. He's a mess. She can't really talk, but at least she's keeping up appearances.

"Then we do something about it. Like we always do." She pulls him closer, good arm wrapped over his shoulders. "Pry me out of the tin can and keep moving."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that."

[max-millers]

- struck the match

April 25th, 2024

Dear Mister Maximilian Miller, the staff of NYU Grossman School of Medicine is pleased to inform you that you were successfully matched into a residency.

Compared to the feeling of getting into medical school, match day tastes much more bitter. Max can't quite remember when he's last forced himself into a suit, but today, his shoes are polished, pants and shirt are ironed, and his tie is perfectly straight.

The blonde is not quite sure what he's dressing up for. His hopes of matching into his first choice is little, or rather zero. With his recent crash back into addiction (and the last three weeks sober again), his last few grades may have ripped that dream right out of his hands. He's not mad at himself, or anyone else. It is what it is, he tries to tell himself, while nervously fixing his tie for the third time in a row.

[ Dad -> Maximilian ] I'll get there by myself, like we discussed. [ Dad -> Maximilian ] Proud you let me be a part of this day. Love you, son. [ Maximilian -> Dad ] i'm glad ur coming, cu

The sun is starting to sink down the sky as Max exits his apartment, and then the house the apartment is in. Fresh air hits his face, and the stern expression on his face changes into something more relaxed for a second. Deep breaths, he reminds himself as he gets into the Uber he's called, and some pressure falls of his shoulders when he chats with the driver, talking about what's about to happen.

What's about to happen, though, is..

[ Dad -> Maximilian ] Can't make it, sorry.

Max gets the message as he exits the Uber, and the laugh he lets out is devastated, and somehow relieved. He'd expected this to happen, and still. There's no plan B. No Miles called, or Zane, or Luis, or Zed, or Kelly. He's all alone now, and there's no way to change it. And maybe, it's a good thing. Or so he thinks, until he sees everyone with their family, all happy and excited.

He's not excited. He's just nervous.

Maybe he's got Lenox Hill, or Lower Manhattan. Or, or. Please let it at least be Lenox Hill.

Why in all world Grossman chose a stage to announce, is what Max asks himself seconds later. He's sick to his stomach, and on his way up to the conference room, his fingers grip the handrail so hard his knuckles turn white.

"Hey, Max!", someone calls, and he turns around to find Connor, a fellow medical student, who pats his back hard as he walks by, "Here all by yourself?" Yes, Max answers, My Dad couldn't make it. A phrase said like it's recorded, over and over again tonight.

And when Professor Simone hands him his white letter, Max does feel like throwing up.

Shaky fingers and shaky legs lead the way up onto the stage, and he stops in front of the small microphone. There's not as many students as there is family members, and Max does spot a few familiar faces in the crowd. Spotlight on, and he's the lead actor - just for the glimpse of a moment.

"Hi, I'm Max.", he says into the microphone, and there's some cheers, "I matched into Anesthesiology." Still shaky fingers rip the paper open, and all his head repeats is Lenox Hill, Lenox Hill, Len- "No fucking way." Laughter erupts in the crowd, and Max grin is wide and teary eyed as he raises his voice once again; "I'm staying here in New York!"

It's not Lenox Hill, no - it's the hospital Zed works in the most. His first choice. The first choice he thought he'd never get. It's a rush of the stage then, followed by cheers and some shoulder pats, and Max doesn't stick around for chats, no.

He goes straight home, and sends a few texts:

[ Max -> Zeddy ] [photo of the letter attached] you're so not getting rid of me any time soon [ Max -> Luis <3 ] fuck matched in texas [ Max -> Luis <3 ] jk i'm staying in ny [ Max -> Luis <3 ] are u free [ Max -> Miles ] [photo of the letter attached] i'm so gonna be ur sugar daddy [ Max -> Zane ] [photo of the letter attached] told u i'm the smarter brother [ Max -> Caleb ] [photo of the letter attached] got my first choice [ Max -> Gael ] [photo of the letter attached] !!!!!!! [ Max -> Esme ] [photo of the letter attached] i made it, thought you'd may like to hear, hope you're doing okay - max

[guppygiggles]

Hey friend!

Maybe this has been asked before, but was Avery inspired by anyone? ( ·ิϖ·ิ)

I don't think anyone has ever asked me this on this blog! Honestly, I've tried many times to nail down exactly what inspired Avery, but... I never can, not completely.

This is going to get long, I'm sorry.

I turned 30 last year. It wasn't in a "midlife crisis" or depressive kind of way, but I started thinking a lot about how I wanted the rest of my life to go, and what I wanted out of life that I'd never had a chance to have. I decided that there were two things I really yearned to do -- make art, and make friends. I figured a good place to start dipping my toes in would be Tumblr, since I'd used it in the past and I knew there would be a lot of art here to inspire me. And I was inspired... massively. Especially after I started actually drawing, myself. I started getting more ideas at once than I'd ever had in my life, and it triggered a bout of insomnia I am still dealing with now, almost six months later.

The first time I can remember thinking about Avery was during one such sleepless night, desperately trying to coax myself to sleep. Laying in the dark, I'd close my eyes and imagine leaving my body, floating above my apartment complex. I'd wander around like a ghost, exploring places I'd seen, but which are normally inaccessible... private roads, fenced estates, etc. I'd imagine sitting on the edge of a skyscraper, watching the city move beneath me, imagining what people were doing, why they were up so late, etc.

I imagined this many nights... It became a pet fantasy. When I was a kid, I read a book called Billy the Bird by Dick King-Smith, maybe that's where I got the idea... I don't know. Along with the insomnia were vicious bouts of nostalgia, too, so... It's possible.

But, anyway... I'd get lonely.

I wanted someone to talk to, so I imagined someone sitting with me. Someone who could only come out at night, for fear of being seen. Someone for whom sitting on the edge of a skyscraper was no concern, and who could catch me if I fell. I imagined he was soft, gentle... a good listener, maybe even a bit shy. I imagined he was an intellectual, capable of being quite serious, but never dour. He was quick with a smile, and it was easy to make him laugh.

In some respects, I suppose, he was inspired by a friend of mine, who died many years ago. In most ways, he wasn't like Avery at all -- he was extremely blue-collar, the exact opposite of an intellectual, and very outgoing. He was not refined in any way, and could even be quite reckless, at times. But, he had a unique, gentle, innocent sort of kindness that I've found to be exceedingly rare. To know him was to love him, really; he was a hard worker and a fierce friend, someone who wanted nothing more than to love and be loved. My relationship with him and the way his passing affected me touches everything I make and everything I do, intentional or not.

When I was building Avery's character, I was very fascinated by object heads at the time (particularly Prince Robot from Saga), and I was also seeing a lot art for "doctor/scientist" type characters. Despite never playing the game, I liked TF2 fanart, especially of Medic. I thought about other characters I'd fixated on, too, and what exactly I liked about them... Milo Thatch from Atlantis, Data from Star Trek, John from Homestuck, Sans from Undertale, Stanley and the Narrator from The Stanley Parable, Pokemon professors both Oak and Elm, Nightcrawler from X-Men, Wilson from House, Dr. Bashir from DS9... The list goes on, really.

I know this is kind of a non-answer, and I'm sorry about that. It isn't really a clear answer for me, either. All I can really say for sure is this: Avery is the embodiment of everyone and everything I've ever loved, as well as the reflection of my own self-love. Relatively speaking, we just met, but I feel like he's been here the whole time. I've made so many wonderful friends because of him, too! Can't say what the exact moment was, only that now that he's here, I can't imagine life without him. 💙