#i can't kill myself
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#i never saw myself this helpless ever in my life#i can't see any way out#it feels like I'm digging my grave with my own hands#the harder i try the deeper i fall#the struggle of so many sleepless nights#the hardwork of all those tiring days#nothing's paying off#right now I can't sleep can't eat can't breath#tbh i don't want the sun to rise tomorrow at least for me#I don't want this night to end#every new morning brings up bundles of new problems afflictions#I don't have any courage left to see anything#tbh I'm a coward#i can't kill myself#that's why I'm waiting and praying for something to happen to me#O God! you are my only hope#please save this servant of yours#no one can save me except you#no one can help me except you#you know my intentions#you what's in my heart#you know who and what i am#pleaseeee forgive me and help me
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You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side
#m/cc#mine#I tried extremely hard to word this nicely because I KNOW people don't mean bad and often even know there are unique challenges#and believe me I know the challenges of invisible disability too!!#I have invisible disabilities!#but as someone who has also been at least visibly 'off' since they were 10 I am SO SICK of invisible disabilities being hailed as like#a unique extra oppression that us lucky visibly disabled people don't have to deal with#there are challenges to invisible disabilities that visibly disabled people DON'T have to deal with!#but you need to understand that *the reverse is also true*#there are MASSIVE benefits to being able to lie about your disability for example#or not dealing with the overt ableism that comes with your disability being obvious to everyone#*I do not have the option to pretend I'm not disabled.* that is never an option I have#I walk weirdly. I use a mobility aid now. my speech and face are 'off.' I lean to one side#for a long time I wore sunglasses 24/7 and often didn't make sense. I sometimes can't speak or won't react to others#for the most part people will always know that at the very least something is wrong with me#and more obviously I have people telling me they'll pray for me; telling me I can't do things I'm already in the process of doing;#wanting to shake my hand to tell me I'm an inspiration for not killing myself; giving me dirty looks for existing in public#and yes. I'm aware that this is very much an in-community issue. I know the average abled person doesn't know invisible disabilities exist#that's why there's so much awareness happening for it#but as a visibly disabled person I get SO TIRED of constantly hearing 'I wish my disability was visible :'('#it's just 'I wish I had your disability!' but from other disabled people
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“He no longer believed in anyone, especially himself.”
Tian Guan Ci Fu Vol. 6.
This is the second part of this drawing
#to be honest I made myself cry with this one#for several reasons#there’s a reason why I can't draw silly little drawings of tgcf#I have to finish this series first#and its killing me#for several reasons again#my tgcf fan art#this scene DESTROYED ME#naturally I have to draw it#tgcf#heaven official's blessing#xie lian#hua cheng#hualian
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Ashley deserves an emotional support rat simply for the reason that I think it'd be cute.
When I played the Ashley part a while back one of her voice lines perfectly lined up with a rat that had been running by, so now all I could think of is giving her a little rodent friend
#resident evil#resident evil 4#re4r fanart#leon s kennedy#ashley graham#luis serra#I couldn't do any of the rat quests I just can't bring myself to kill them#ani's scribbles
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My magnum opus. Very proud of it, to be honest. Also, lineart under "Keep reading" you should click that. You can even print the lineart out and colour it yourself. You have my permission.
Normally I go for very natural, logical shading but this time I decided to just. Follow the rule of cool. So bisexual lighting (on accident) it became.
Optic detail because this was actually the initial idea for this drawing.
And lineart because I normally don't do tidy lineart so you need to appreciate it.
#ultrakill#v1#v2#claire de soleil#ultrakill 4-4#man these guys give me feelings#why can't they just be gay and happy and not kill each other#why yaouri not real#surely i can fool myself into believing#tagging this as#v4v#because violence is their love language after all
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Potentially weird habit but. When I get really fixated on an oc/blorbo or whatever I get embarrassed thinking cringey shit "In front of" them. Like ah fuck I was cringe in front of my imaginary fursona. shit
#hoof draws#actually this. sounds weird now that I'm trying to explain it#roughhhhh the negative space is killing me ...#-once i think about an oc enough it feels like there's more ''reality'' to them and they go from like.#passive thoughts to In My Brain enough that they're with the rest of the brain stuff (where my thoughts live)#which probably only means that I put too much thought into organizing my brain#agh. this little pink stoat bitch is here because i keep vividly imagining them watching everything i do#and judging the cringey shit. like GO AWAYYYYYYYY#It's MY brain why can't I just think of cool shit. why am I making up a guy to judge me about shit#edit- i think this is the only time I've drawn myself instead of one of the sonas?
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anyways happy pride to all my high risk queers out there, to all my disabled queers for whom events aren't accessible to, to my immunocompromised folks who can't risk attending events where people aren't masked or taking covid precautions! happy pride to my fellow cripqueers that want to be out there fighting and celebrating with their friends and family and can't because it's not safe for them to do so– you're not alone and you deserve to celebrate too. we all do.
#s.txt#okay to rb by the way#ngl this is mostly for myself but it's also something i feel strongly about#especially given everything i've seen lately talking about weighing risk vs pleasure as if they're mutually exclusive#or that there aren't high risk queer folks that deserve to access queer joy as well#i would literally kill to be able to celebrate pride with my queer fam this year and i can't bc i can't afford a reinfection#and it makes me so sad#queer#pride month#covid mention#covid isn't over
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fun detail I only put into context after seeing the post-fade jail romance scenes with all the companions: lucanis is the only one where rook is surprised when they realize he's there as he starts talking, because they didn't hear him come in haha. (Bellara and Neve knock before entering, like relatively normal people fhsda. Harding's scene starts in medias res but from the staging my vibe is that she and Rook entered the room together. Taash walks into the room ahead of Rook. Davrin comes in through a door left open for him -- Rook is standing with their back turned but they clearly expected him, they just smile a bit and don't seem surprised. Emmrich of course takes you to the Grand Necropolis for the top goth hookup since Mary Shelly fucked on her parents' graves, the man quite simply never misses.)
lucanis has also closed the door behind him without rook noticing. old assassin habits die hard I suppose lol. he totally still accidentally jumpscares the others without meaning to all the time because he moves around quietly when he doesn't think about it, I know this in my heart. I wonder if he was just... looking at them for a while before he spoke up.
#harding's romance is SO so cute. none of my planned characters have the vibes to match it I don't think but fereldan girl has GAME#top 3 companions with rizz: emmrich (!!! indisputably. no debate just the truth) davrin harding.#bellara. you're doing wonderfully sweetie rook likes you just as you are. it's only a fumble if it doesn't work fdhksaj#neve would have more rizz if she wasn't constantly being jumpscared by her own stupid inadvisable longing I get the sense#like the actual post-fade jail scene with the door closing? she's right up there with the main three. and yet she is Afraid (oh neve)#lucanis has that ineffable such a profound lack of rizz it loops around to irresistibility element that speaks specifically to me.#so I cannot be impartial about this. you should know my biases by now I wear them proudly on my sleeve#and taash is more in that category too and I would die for them#all the people complaining that lucanis doesn't flirt back enough... you have misunderstood the vibes profoundly.#that guy was for me. and the disasters like me#what *you* really want is harding. she knows what she's doing AND she'll treat you right#she'll winky face emoji you right from the start and on her own initiative CONSTANTLY and it's so good#rook and harding even have the rogue and gambit 'can't touch each other's bare skin' tension heightening thing#bellara's scene when she gets blighted that apparently kicks in at the end of the game also. really special to me. babygirl.#I want to give you the world. it's okay that you tried to kill me we all have off days#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#I suppose I should have done a proper separate post of this instead of a tag rant. but here we are lmao#for good or for ill i remain myself
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X-MEN: DAYS OF THE FUTURE PAST (2014)
#they should invent an iteration of cherik that doesn't make me want to kill myself#mine*#cherik#x-men#xmenedit#gifset#filmedit#erik lehnsherr#charles xavier#otp: i want you by my side#they never talk about this again btw#guys be honest do u think it blew up in their faces in genosha (it totally did. it 100% did)#i think its important to note that in most of the movies (esp. the prequels) erik is always very intently staring at charles without#blinking. and that the one avoiding eye contact or not being able to hold it for too long it's charles#charles does avoid erik's eyes a lot especially in dofp#while erik is always the one doing the intense staring into charles' soul thing BUUUT in this scene#you can see erik breaking eye contact for a brief second when he says 'for what happened. i truly am'#you don't get it he's so sad!! HE'S SO SORRY!!!! and yet he can't bring himself to look at charles in the eye because he gets too emotional#and also the second erik says 'for what happened' charles breaks eye contact too#they are hurting so bad and they can't look at each other in the eyes without getting emotional.................. i'm so normal about them
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gilly turnaround sheet
#gilly trial animation things tag#I DREW HIS RING ON THE WRONG HAND IM KILLING MYSELF FIXING IT LATER#ok i fixed the sheet but I can't be bothered to fix the gif...#rotating your fish#jrwi fanart#jrwi riptide#just roll with it#jrwi#gillion tidestrider#fun fact i continued drawing this right after i got a concussion and rattled my braincells a bit too hard#and then managed to finish him before i made it worse lol#now bright screens to me are like sun to a vampire#powering thru next 2 weeks with screentime limit and 0% brightness
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Time forgets most (DPxDC)
I've been getting too many brain worms that I need to clear out the cramp space that is my idea vault. In doing so, I'm just posting off-handed, random things I've typed up at work. (Partly so my drafts don't just end up like my vault). Without further ado, a much too too long post
°•°•°•°
The movement of time is a much too complex thing for many to understand. The knowledge that time was not perfectly linear. The past did not simply stay in the past. The future is not simply something to look forward to. The present is not simply a fleeting moment.
Time is a complex web. Every point in time, connected to another point in time. A never-ending mess of webs and connections. Things that are to be. Things that can be. Things that are being. Things that will never see the light of day in this universe.
Despite what some may want to believe, Time has no master. Time does not yield to any singular being. That did not mean that Time didn't need a helping hand. A guiding hand to help keep the chaos of time to something just a little more... fluid.
The being came to exist well before the universe had. The being was festered, taught, and nurtured in a small pocket dimension. A small space just like an incubator.
Until the world blossomed around it. Life started to grow. Time kept moving. Living organisms found untimely deaths. Evolved, learned, and grew into the new space around it.
When the first little creature crawled out of the water, Time's keeper was let free. A bumbling little thing, breaming with life and curiosity.
Just like everything else in the world, this keeper wasn't safe from time. It still moved. Brought forth problems and adventures.
As time continued to tick. Moving in every direction, the keeper continued to age. Unlike the rest of the universe, the keeper didn't age the same as others.
Some days, he was nothing but a small boy, frolicking in a field of flowers and bees. Other days, he was a strong middle-aged man. Pulling the strings in just the right way, pushing for a timeline that felt right.
On days that have been happening much more often. He was but a crippled old man, hunched over his staff, and dropping much needed wisdom on the young lives around him.
Being the keeper of time wasn't an easy feat. Being completely out of time, experiencing things in broken order. There was only a clear start, and a jumble of things that followed.
The keeper was content with his life. Watching over the world as it grew and blossomed. He was content with his special kind of solitude.
That was until he saw the boy. In the webs of moments, the keeper's gaze had found him. A boy much too young, suddenly with powers much too great thrusted upon him.
The keeper watched the scenes play out. The tears, laughter, humiliation, triumph, and pain. He watched as the boy's family was ripped from him. Watched the twisted attempt at fixing his life, only for it to go horribly wrong.
He watched the bloodshed and chaos that erupted. The lives ripped apart and destroyed. Not a single sign of life left behind.
Then he watched as the boy, no, not a boy anymore. The keeper watched as the monster tore through the fabric of time. Ripped its way through the thin veils that divided the universes.
Universes that had never known the boy's existence were torn to shreds to. A flight driven with pain and anger.
Despite the keeper having seen the boy turn into such a monster. He could see it in the beast's eyes. The deep-seated need for a family, a life. To be loved.
Something about the boy's life, his story, spoke to the keeper. He found himself reaching out into the web of lives and moments. Finding the moment when things went the most wrong for the boy.
Just like that, the keeper had inserted himself into a life. He pulled the boy out of the cruel stream of time. Filled the boy with the knowledge he needed. Let the boy see just what could happen if he let it.
The keeper of time was soon a simple mentor. A simple deity looking out for the world. Taking on the mantel of Clockwork and finding a new purpose for his life.
A young boy's life has been flipped upside down two times now. And there were certainly more to come. This time, the boy wasn't alone. He had a guiding hand, and a communtiy behind him.
The keeper, no, Clockwork watched with a strange pride and happiness he hadn't felt in a long time. The boy was quickly surrounded by a family that helped him navigate his new powers.
Clockwork, alongside many of the other ghostly beings, watched on with pride as the young boy grew into a strong young man. Mastering powers, taking a stand, and making their home safe.
Despite the best efforts, time always beings problems.
It was one thing for Clockwork. He was the keeper of time. His life has reason to exist as long as time exists. Which will always be. His purpose was infinite.
But this boy... Danny wasn't like Clockwork. He was still partially human and terrified of losing his humanity. Danny's story had to come to an end, it's how time works.
Except, Danny wasn't in the timeline anymore. Clockwork had ensured that, pulled Danny into a separate timeline. An unaccounted for timeline.
He couldn't live here forever, not the way that Clockwork could. Danny needs a life, a family, a place, a purpose. He was still human.
It took more effort than Clockwork would have liked. He had to cash in favors from other deities that he hadn't spoken to in centuries.
It took a combined effort of everyone who cared for the little halfa. The strange boy that teeter on the line between life and death. The boy who had freed the Zone from a tyrant. Who wanted nothing more than for everyone to live a happy and filled life/afterlife.
Getting the magic and spells right was the hard part. But finding the location was easy. A beautiful planet just on the edge of the Milky Way. Unlikely to be disturbed or hurt.
The planet was undiscovered, primative even. Far enough from humans that Clockwork was certain Danny wouldn't be bothered. Only one species lived on that planet. Along the jungle like fauna, and in the water.
Cute little guys, barely bigger than two feet long and one foot tall. There was no name, no knowledge about them. Aside from Clockwork analyzing their way of life.
A simple cycle. They were born, they aged, they played, fed, mated, and then died. A simple but content life.
The aliens weren't unsettling. At least not to anyone who has seen more creatures than what Earth has to offer. It is a strange combination between frog, fish, and squid.
Scurrying around on two legs and four tentacles. A small frog-like face with eyes that seemed to take up half that space. Colors vary from blues to greens to the same sandy brown found at the bottom of the lakes.
Before long, the planet had its own protector. A young boy who once was lost and alone seemed to meld perfectly with these aliens.
Clockwork was always sure of himself. He never let anyone see otherwise. Except, Clockwork hadn't been sure. Not when he had performed the ritual.
As he molded and changed Danny's DNA until the man was a new being entirely. To anyone who didn't know the full story, the boy could easily look related to the aliens.
Gills now painted the sides of his neck, not necessary, but Clockwork felt like it had been. Webbed hands and feet to make transversing the underwater caves even easier. An ethereal, almost siren-like touch to Danny.
It worked out perfectly. Danny settled in easily. Building a routine and bound with the aliens. It hadn't been hard for the little creature to take a liking to him.
Before long, it was routine. Danny would spend most of his time on the planet, watching over his new wards. On some days, he'd portal back to the zone. Spend time with the ghosts and deities that saved his life. To check in on the new govermental system that had been put in place.
It was perfect. Simple and nice. Everyone got complacent. The longer time went on without a hiccup or a problem. The longer Danny was able to rest in his odd solitude. The more people got comfortable.
The more they forgot that time was as cruel as it was forgiving.
It had been just another day cycle. Danny was playing with the most recent litter birth. The first time he had seen the birth, he was more disgusted than anything else.
After the third time, Danny had started getting excited. He looked forward to it. Loved seeing the aliens flourish and grow. Watching them thrive and find more fun in the things Danny creates. Every new fun game or obstacle was always made with the things natural to the planet. Or debris that was caught in its gravitational pull.
Danny was playing with Plop. The little guy got his name, and he always plopped out of the water. Unlike the other aliens, this one didn't crawl out. No, he'd pull himself out of the water with his tentacles, only to plop down on the ground.
Of course, Plop had also been the first alien to approach Danny when he arrived. It's how they formed such a strong bond.
Everything had seemed perfectly fine. The day was rolling along just like it always did. That was until a small group of the more elder aliens suddenly came scurrying into their main cave.
They hadn't waited a second before diving into the water. Danny watched, confused and concerned, as each one of them grabbed one of the young. Before shooting straight into the underwater cave system.
The once bustling and living cave was suddenly eerily quiet and void of any aliens. Leaving behind only the confused Danny in the pool.
At least that's what a certain Green Lantern saw when he followed the trail of retreating aliens.
This planet had been categorized to have no signs of intelligent life. It seemed to have the option to nurture life, but there had been no signs.
When Hal Jordan got word of a seeming spike of activity from the supposedly empty planet, he had added it to his rooster.
A quick peek, just a look into what kind of life might be starting to grow there. The little aliens he had seen were adorable, sure. But they didn't seem all that evolved. Still in their evolutionary journey.
That was until Hal saw him.
Now, Hal was no stranger to running into ethereal beauty. It's what happens when someone interacts with aliens on a basic daily. That was something he was used to.
Except, all his breath seemed to be knocked out of him completely. The cave alone was stunning, a stark contrast from the almost barren surface he had first seen.
A deep, shimmering blue pool that vanished into the rocky space around it. Trees, bushes, and flowers decorate the area. It looked almost too good to be true. Like an oasis in the middle of a desert.
Then there was the being that caught all of Hal's attention. Bright blue eyes that looked like gems, pale blue-tinged skin. Long black and white hair seemed to look almost like the night sky. A deep abyss littered with stars.
The closest thing that Hal's brain supplied was a siren. A beautiful, ethereal creature that lured men to their deaths. As beautiful as it seemed, Hal knew there could easily be danger.
Except, the creature didn't attack or threaten him.
Instead, he seemed almost shy. Mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water, sharp deadly teeth flashing in the light with each motion.
Hal had just opened his mouth, taken a hesitant step forward. He wanted to know, and he needed to know how this happened. There wasn't supposed to be an intelligent, sophisticated life on this planet.
The moment Hal's lips parted, the creature let out a trill. A sound that seemed more scared than aggressive. Before suddenly, the beautiful creature vanished into the pool.
Hal moved before he could think, rushing to the edge of the pool. He peered into the crystal clear water, just in time to take the webbed feet of the creature vanish into a tunnel.
Now that left Hal with two options. He could either report this and wait for backup...
Or...
Or...
He could jump inside. The ring would protect him, and his lungs would be fine. Perks of being a Green Lantern.
That option seemed much more tempting to Hal. Nothing about this scream an outright threat. He felt more like a strange imposing on someone's home. A home that was meant for safety and protection of the young.
Yet, the shimmering water seemed to be calling to Hal. Something in him was trying to push him to get inside. To find the beautiful creature and learn more. Learn how this happened.
Without realizing it, Hal Jordan sealed his fate the moment he dipped a finger into the cool pool. Rippling the steady surface just slightly.
Just enough to get him wrapped up in the strange web created by time and its keeper.
#danny phantom#fandom things#fandom#danny fenton#phandom#dc x dp#dp x dc au#dp x dc crossover#dc comics#dc hal jordan#hal jordan#dc green lantern#green lantern#long post#I love all the posts that evolves Danny into something more than just a halfa#I've been having this idea of Siren!Danny#We're gonna ignore the fact that I got the idea for this from a Ghostsoap fic#I also like to blame the Circe saga from Epic the musical#Please I'm so whipped by that musical#I can't get over Circe and Odysseus' songs#Anyways Hal was ready to die for Danny at just one look#after he manages to get closer#to see Danny take care of and nuture the aliens#it's over for Hal#“I've only know this weirdly ethereal man for five minutes. but if anything happens to him I'm killing everyone in the room and then myself”#if it's not clear enough this is very much adult Danny who technically lived through millenniums but still just looks to be in his twenties#I love this idea sm even if I don't do much for it#I mean come on#I would kill to have art of Hal meeting Danny as my wallpaper#Time forgets most AU
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the royals 👑
#I already know for a fact that hornton is gonna be one of those characters where i wanna kill myself everytime i draw him#its like i can't draw elegant guys at all#I like em rugged#and stupid#i need them to look like they'll eat the buttons off of my remote#like ruggie#but thats a topic for another day and time#twisted wonderland#malleus draconia#leona kingscholar#kinda rushed leona so ignore any mistakes or things that look of I beg#heh i just realized like rn that the leona's last name has king in it even tho he will never be one#thats gotta be a FAT ass punch to the gut
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Found a cool color palette. Might finish it later. (Probably not.)
#star wars#star wars the clone wars#star wars rex#star wars the bad batch#Glitched half an hour on his face for no reason#just cause I couldn't figure a skin color#like I come from impressionism#you know this small art movement#where half of the Chinese artists I follow borrows their wonderful color palette#Color palettes who are perfect to draw noice anime boys#but (we can't lie) where everyone tend to draw only fair skinned characters#So I'm bugged trying to draw realistic people with that#would probably help if I forced myself to do studies ya know#instead of looking at gensh1n art#skill issue as people say#maybe is should draw on a bigger file too#like not draw face with realistic feature on a 300x300 px square XD#But again this drawing was me procrastinating on another one#I hate finishing illu#I just wanna plan/doodle and layout#for others#my jobs of heart are storyboard or color key artist#background paint or compositing hell no#clean animation? kill me#I had a burn out last time I touched a graph editor#too bad that's the most demanded and entry level jobs#v_v#tips for people who want to enter animation industry#don't be like me#finish stuff
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❝Well... can I stay over?❞
FIRST KANAPHAN as KANT PATTANAWAT and KHAOTUNG THANAWAT as BISON episode 5 of THE HEART KILLERS
#the heart killers#the heart killers the series#first kanaphan#khaotung thanawat#firstkhao#firstkhaotung#kantbison#gmmtv series#gmmtv bl#thai bl#mlm#thkedit#th: the heart killers#bibi gifs#userrlana#tusermona#tuserhidden#tuserrowan#i wanted to kill myself ngl#and i have a feeling kant wanted it too#BISON JUST WANTS A SWEET AND EASY LOVE STORY#WHY CAN'T HE HAVE IT?
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Dropping a late night can't sleep doodle and fleeing into the void.
#I love men who look the saddest creature you just found out in the fucking rain#I need to figure out the edges of my art this year#cause they make me deeply unhappy!!!!!!!#swtor#star wars the old republic#Theron Shan#SWTOR Art#SWTOR Doodles#Finch Doodles#Tumblr killed the quality but it's a sketch so I can't let myself care!!!!
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thinking abt kon getting hurt/upset about something big and clark bundling him up in his cape... ouuhhhhh souperfam save me...
#rimi talks#kon is clark's little guy. and when i stop being sleepy i will have further things to say about this#specifically i just think often abt kon's independence vs clark's protectiveness#and kon and the arc of having to accept that he can ask for help sometimes actually#like the post sb94 no. 100 fic that lives in my head#where clark is like WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME YOU WERE HOMELESS YOU ARE LITTLE AND SMALL I WOULDVE HELPED SOONER#and kon is like uhhh wdym. i didnt want to burden you and anyways i can handle myself??#and clark is like You Are Sixteen And You Were Homeless And Then Getting Majorly Exploited--#but kon is sixteen and doesn't even understand that he was getting exploited for housing. because he is sixteen.#and clark just wants to wrap him in his cape and protect him forever. but he can't bc kon would hate that.#but also kon's constant need to prove himself as worthy of the S...#the way he strives to prove he ''deserves'' superman's respect + care...#mae ripping off his s-shields and telling him he wasn't worthy of them really did a number on him 💀#like clark doesnt even know kon tried to kill himself to ''prove'' his worth. oh my god#okay i need to take a nap but my god. you guys. souperfam...#kon#clark#superfam
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