#i can't help it im obsessed and i wanna share and i love my friends so much for being so supportive and now youre stuck with me

[foxoftheninetails]

You sly dog, you got me monologuing!

Why not?

So I've gotten back into FFXIV pretty hard since I tried it last year. A few friends really pushed me, and I'm enjoying it. Good story, good music. The combat still feels a little bit wonky, but I'm an old school FF player and this is my first MMORPG.

The best times are when my friends aren't busy and they can run dungeons with me, or we explore areas they've seen 100 times and as I explore this new place they tell me about it's history and memories they have of it.

The game is mindblowingly gorgeous. Every time I revisit Gridania and sneak back to my favorite perch at The Hawthorne Hut, I am entranced by the leaves flowing in the wind, the rain falling on a roof, or the ridiculous amount of stars shining in the night sky.

(I know, anyone who's played already knows this, sue me; I am sprout.)

A couple of weeks ago we ran the Alexander raids together, and it was an absolute joy to watch experts play and simultaneously nurture their adopted sprout. Yesterday we visited Ivalice, and I was able to fall in love with the FFT soundtrack all over again and see old friends.

The community has been extremely kind. When my friends are busy, or trying to find some peace for themselves (or hitting the new expansion hard!) and I am left to my own devices, I have come across almost universal support. New job class and running a dungeon for the first time? They'll give you tips, let you run at your own pace, and when you screw up? They pick you up, dust you off, and encourage you to try again.

An unintentional side effect of immersing myself in another FF universe is RP. And no, not ERP. Although that exists, I have not had an opportunity to explore it. (I'm 100x more shy in a video game than on Tumblr, go figure)

We go to a quiet bar, torment ourselves with exotic food that we don't get to eat and drinks that sound terrifying or delectable. Sometimes both. And we talk. We talk to each other, as our characters. Intricate backstories that span a whole game and four expansions, almost 1000 primary quests. These folks have spent years perfecting their characters story.

Now, I had no concept of how in depth this was when I walked into that bar. A simple question about where you're from can spawn conversations that run for hours, with everyone having an opinion on the country you're from. Just don't be Garlean. My first night, I was asked what I do for a living. I said adventurer, because that's a fairly typical answer. I was immediately swept under their wing, to be given tips on how to clear Copperbell more efficiently, what weapon I should be carrying, where to find the cheapest gear that will protect you and look good.

My god, the clothes in this game. Hundreds of articles for each portion of the body. There's a whole website dedicated to picking out the perfect outfit for your gunslinger or white mage.

The best trick? Have loving friends who send you the really sick Converse/Vans, despite your protests. When you push them for why? Because I wanted them. (For reference, decent boots run 30k gil on the market board, the Converse/Vans run 750k because the materials are hard to come by. Needless to say, I have run the last 28 levels wearing orange sneakers, and I look fucking good doing it.

So back to the RP, the original point of this post. Last week, I was sitting in the bar talking about places I wanted to visit (in character, I have already been there for the quests). Mor Dhona was mentioned, as it's the site of on of the most pivotal moments in the story: The Calamity.

When it was recommended to me, my character pulled out a worn leather journal and wrote it down. An innocuous but important detail, to make the immersion feel deeper. The journal was passed around, returned to me, and eventually put away. Not even a physical thing, it spurned a long conversation about the adventurer's life, and the trials they undergo.

Then, my brain said something to me a couple of days ago. What if the journal was real? Tangible, physical, something detailing my characters adventures as that happen, stuffed with "drawings" (my character can draw, I cannot. At all. I have an ink jet printer and an app that converts jpegs into very convincing sketches) and souvenirs from his adventure's?

Sounds a bit silly, but it would be an easy way for me to track the details of conversations, and giving me a little arts and crafts project, as a treat.

So I did it. I bought a (frankly overpriced) leather journal with a compass rose sewn onto the cover with black thread. Beautiful sturdy leather and crisp cream pages.

Then I set about bringing it half way to destroyed. A leather journal carried in the field, through the rain and rivers, into combat, through the snow and up mountains does not stay immaculate for long. My character has had the journal for about 4 months, so I needed to beat it up and give myself a head start. Scuff the leather, soften the edges, curl the whole thing so it never sits flat. Drip a little bit of sealing wax on the cover, put small punctures into the back and knicks out of the corners.

The pages? Some got the tea treatment, to try to age them. No dice, this damn modern paper is resistant to stains. Water stains are forthcoming, but I am an impatient being and already started writing in it. Then a revelation came to me.

I am an absolutely massive fan of FFVIII. Obsessed with it. I know the names of every song in the OST and where each song is used, I have the Lionheart necklace and ring, I have beaten Omega on multiple occasions for fun. Anyone who knows me know I am an FFVIII nerd, and I ain't sorry.

So when I was designing my character last year, the face has scar options. Well, what better choice than Squall's scar? I'll have some of that I said.

Well, my character is from a small, relatively peaceful fishing village. Where the hell did he get that ridiculous scar?! The first job he took, of course! But alas, he was carrying his journal with him when he was injured, and it seems it soaked up quite a bit of blood. Some recommended beet juice. I tried raspberry tea, cherry juice, pomegranate concentrate. Nothing. Oddly, the tea dyed the test page blue.

What time of the year is it? Halloween of course! So we buy some fake blood and I'll be damned if it doesn't look like the real thing. It stains the pages, and the rough parts of the leather.

Now, just 4 or 5 days later, it has a leaf from Gridania from the day my character arrived there, drawings of the aetheryte station, some of the people he's met along the way and some of the more impressive geographic features (the ones that coincidentally took my breath away), and even a Triple Triad card. There are plans to visit the Sea of Clouds and meet the Vanu Vanu, so we'll be tucking a feather into the pages. So many other things await.

This has become a (probably for you, dear reader, painfully) long post about my current autistic obsession. I am particularly proud of this journal. While I was inspired by another persons comment, the execution was all mine. So, having gotten to the bottom of this essay, either by scrolling or reading, I have but one question: Do you wanna see the journal?

edit: it will literally only take one person saying yes.

[thinkinonsense]

old!logan and his obsession with the cute diner girl *mdni

a/n: this is my first attempt at writing something smutty so if it sucks im sorry lmao also if any writers have any tips please share! :)

logan has been around for long enough to know when a woman is attracted to him. there was a certain essence given off that was always a dead giveaway. usually it came from women close to the age he looked like and it tended to be brief moments of lust before all hope was lost. this was until he met you.

the pretty young girl working at the diner during her time off from college. everyday, he came in and ordered a black coffee. the coffee wasn't even that good but logan would spend two dollars every single day of his life if it came with the view of you bending over in that tiny uniform skirt.

logan would watch you for hours while he drank and skimmed the news paper alone in a booth. your hair was always up in either a ponytail or held together with a hair clip. he loved seeing your pretty handwriting as you scribbled on your notepad, taking orders. it was part of your job to be nice to everyone but you were especially nice to him. even your friends began to notice how you would linger by his table, constantly topping off his coffee mug and making small talk; sometimes giving him a slice of cherry pie on the house.

"don't you think he's kinda old for you?" one of your friends whispers to you behind the counter.

it's stung but you suppose she had a point. what would a man old enough to be your father want with a young wild girl like yourself?

"i-i guess so?" you stuttered, embarrassed at your previous attempt at flirting with him.

the rest of the night, you hoped he would leave before close so you could have some time alone with your feelings. summer was almost over and you would go back to the city soon. it was time to forget these silly fantasizes.

by ten, all the other waitresses went home except you, the older woman in the back who counted the drawer every night, and a few of the cooks. the only customer still there was logan. he flipped through one of the books he brought with him; still sipping away at that damn coffee.

"isn't it getting a little late for you, sweetheart?" he asked nonchalantly, not even looking up at you as you bent over to scrub the table next to his. the fifth table you've cleaned in the last hour and the second time you've cleaned that specific table. logan noticed but you didn't.

"need the hours." you mumble, frustrated by a stubborn stain. all logan could focus on was your scrunched nose and how your tight top pushed your boobs together just right for his viewing. "college is fucking expensive plus grants and scholarships only cover so much."

"hmm.." logan grunts. grants? scholarship? what a goody fucking two shoes, logan thought to himself. "if you bring me piece of pie, i think i can help you out."

you lean off the table and go get what's left in the glass container. it's probably a little hard so you definitely didn't plan on charging him for it. you sit the plate down in front of him and before you could turn around to walk away, logan reaches for your wrist softly.

"join me." he offers.

you knew you shouldn't but what was really the harm? at least your friends weren't here to make fun of you. the radio played quietly on an older station while you watched logan take a bite of the pie.

"why did your friends leave you here alone?" he asked, watching your face turn sour at the memory of them.

"don't wanna talk about it." your voice was small in the empty diner.

"why? think an old man like me can't relate to it?" logan chuckles. your thighs squeeze together without thinking. so much for not embarrassing yourself.

"no, no, not that." you shake your head and a strand of hair falls from your bun. "just sort of juvenile, you know?"

logan could tell that you were trying to come off more mature around him. you didn't want him to see you as some college kid.

"juvenile, how?" he eggs on, pushing down his glasses a bit.

god, those glasses got to you; and logan knew it.

"they don't understand how i feel about someone." you sigh.

"how do you feel about this person?" logan noticed you now avoiding his gaze, not liking it one bit. "eyes on me, princess."

the nickname caught you off guard like a dear in headlight; blinking and trembling up at logan. something logan enjoyed very much and could get used to.

"it's not important, just some stupid crush." you lie through your teeth. "they will forget about me in a month."

"why don't you think it'll work?" he cocks his head to the side a bit. "you're a pretty young thing, dollface. anyone of those college boys would be lucky to be wrapped around your little finger."

"i don't want college boys." you mumble, slightly annoyed by the memory of your friends.

logan felt himself getting hard at you admitting you had a taste for someone older. his eyes grew dark as he leaned in a little over the table.

"then what do you want?"

your moment to answer was interrupted by the older woman from the back, releasing you to go home for the evening. this was your chance to get up and leave before you admitted anything else that you would regret.

both of you stood up. logan threw down some cash while you went to collect your stuff behind the counter.

"i'll see you tomorrow, lo-"

"you didn't answer the question."

"i must go now if i want to catch the last train."

logan worried about you taking the train back to your apartment alone this late at night. usually you drive back but your car has been in the shop for almost three days now. he would watch you get to your car every night to make sure you were safe.

"i can drive you home." logan offers.

you shouldn't be this excited to be sitting in a strangers truck alone at night but here you were. the two of you sat in silence for a few minutes before logan brought up the conversation from the diner again. what did you even want?

"i want someone who understands me..." you begin rattling off the first things that come to mind when you notice logan's hand on your knee. you don't dare move.

"someone who is responsible..." with every word, his hand creeps higher and higher up your skirt. logan is more than pleased when he notices your legs spread on their own.

"someone who is m-mature..." logan's fingers inch towards the delicate skin of your inner thigh. there's no way this was happening, you thought as his index finger plays with the lace on the center of your pink underwear. he smirked at the wet spot front and center, waiting for him.

"treats me r-r-right." every word was a struggle to form as he stroked you softly. back and forth. back and forth.

logan nods along, not letting up down below. his index finger hooks onto your underwear, pulling it aside. you weren't even sure if you were breathing at this point; all this teasing was torture.

"p-p-please, logan..." you whine. "touch me."

his thumb rubs tiny circles on your button, adoring the way his name pours from your glossy lips. your hands fly to his wrists, needing more; nails digging into his skin in the most delicious way.

"where did this greediness come from?" logan groans, dipping his index finger inside of you. "what happened to that good girl from the diner?"

logan's finger barely fit in the tight space. your head fell back and a loud moan escaped you.

"oh, you weren't letting those college boys touch you at all, huh?" logan mocks, adding another finger and creating a steady pace.

"n-no!" you whine, lifting your hips a little.

"you were waiting for a real man to have his way with you, isn't that right, pretty girl?" he growls, pushing your hips back down.

you completely missed logan pulling off to the side of the road until now. his pace increases becoming rather rough now that he isn't driving. logan leaves deep purple bruises down your neck and across your chest, praising you to no end until you gush around his fingers, completely soaking his palm.

your heart pounded like you had just finished a marathon. logan allowed you to catch your breath as he carefully removed his fingers, bringing them up to his mouth to lick clean. he can feel your dazy eyes staring at him as he does so, making a real show of it.

"i've been wanting to do that for months now." he admits with a smirk.

"me too." you said, leaning forward and pulling him into a kiss; tasting yourself on his lips and tongue. logan wraps his hands around your hair, pulling you back a little when another moan falls from your lips.

"and we aren't even close to being done."

[f1rodrigo]

sweet relief | l. norris | part two

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺���✧ baby, i can't help myself...

summary: in which you fall for your best friend’s teammate and keeping it a secret proves to be harder than you intended. or when all you need is sweet relief the rest of the world fades away. pairing: social media au || lando norris x piastri bsf!reader fc: olivia rodrigo <3

inspired by the song ‘sweet relief’ by madison beer

ALL PARTS HERE

a/n : hi! thank you all so much for the love on part one!!! hope you enjoy this one just as much! this was supposed to be a bitttt longer but i hit the limit for photos i can add sooo this is part two for you all! part three will be more like part 2.5 but that'll be up sometime tomorrow! ENJOY<3

⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。

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⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。

liked by yourusername, georgerussell, and 728,901 others

landonorris BRINGING THE HEAT

view all 782 comments

user1 its definitely hot in here now

user2 f1 drivers and their obsession with paddle needs to be studied

yourusername bringing the heat indeed

⤷ user3 PARDON? 😧 ⤷ user4 is this flirting... this has to be flirting ⤷ user5 yn bestie was that meant for ur priv.....

user6 please just give me one chance 🙏🏻

lnfour lets gooooo 🔥

⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。

liked by yourusername, mclaren, and 653,901 others

oscarpiastri ready to shine in Singapore 🇸🇬🤩

view all 567 comments

yourusername SHES GORGEOUS!!!! ready to watch you shine

⤷ user7 i am obsessed with them ur honor ⤷ user8 ughhh i know everyone wants her to be with lando but i am never giving up on my best friends to lovers

mclaren ✨✨✨✨

user9 oh my god i love him so much

user10 ITS SO PRETTY

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liked by lnfour, team_quadrant, and 366,841 others

landonorris hang it in the Louvre @team_quadrant

view all 1,339 comments

team_quadrant So special to share this helmet with the fans! The Quadrant community designs are looking 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

lnfour This is going to look crazyyyy under the lights 🤯

user11 THIS HELMET IS AB TO GET HIM ON THE PODIUM TRUSTTTT

user12 holy shit he always has the best designs

user13 just won the singapore gp before its even begun 🔥

user14 i couldn't love him more what a special & meaningful design

yourusername beyond sick wow

⤷ landonorris wanna try it on then? ⤷ user15 THIS IS IT IM SLEEPING ON THE MF HIGHWAY TN ⤷ user16 he-he's flirting back ⤷ user17 lando girlies we've lost him

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liked by yourusername, oscarpiastri, and 212,853 others

mclaren Chillin' together pre-race 🥶

view all 567 comments

user18 if theres one thing all f1 teams are gonna do its post their drivers in an ice bath this weekend

⤷ user19 fr but i am NOT complaining 🤭

user20 room for one more or??

yourusername now i need an ice bath

⤷ user21 NAHHHH ARE YOU GUYS SEEING THIS ⤷ user22 she's about to get a call from pr ⤷ user23 and will we ever know which one of them shes thirsting over??? sigh

landonorris 🥶🥶🥶🥶

⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。

liked by yourusername, oscarpiastri, and 951,685 others

landonorris whattttttaaaaa weekend ❤️

view all 2,710 comments

mclaren UNREAL 🔥

lnfour best weekend 🫶🏻

yourusername congrats :') so extremely deserved 🧡

⤷ landonorris 🧡 ⤷ user24 stay calm stay calm stay calm its just a heart emoji its just a heart emoji its just a- ⤷ user25 SINGAPORE THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING 🙏🏻 ⤷ user26 its official i am obsessed with them they now own me ⤷ user27 this is great and all guys but i still need my confirmation that she was THERE ⤷ user28 pretty sure theres a video going around on twitter that people think is her with oscar and lando trackside before the race

oscarpiastri 👏

user27 carlando podium woah i am never getting over this🥹

user28 my heart i am so proud of you 😭

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liked by yourusername, mclaren, and 113,578 others

oscarpiastri +10 places. not a bad night's work 👍

view all 2,710 comments

user29 MY ROOKIE OF THE YEAR LFG

mclaren Unbelieveable job!

user30 MY driver of the day!!!!🫶🏻

yourusername LETS GOOOOO SO PROUD OF YOU THATS MY GOAT

⤷ oscarpiastri people are going to come for you for this you know that right ⤷ yourusername and i will fight them all i said what i said #mygoatfr ⤷ landonorris 🧍‍♂️ ⤷ user31 "thats my goat" pls she is so unserious😭 ⤷ user32 oh my gosh they're the best thing to ever exist its true ⤷ user33 NOT THE HASHTAG SHE IS SO????? ⤷ user34 losing my mind over "i will fight them all" ⤷ user35 LANDOS REPLY???? he really said hello what about ME

[fiapartridge]

REQUEST tbh idk how ur request work but I have an idea

Going to one of Luke’s games but it’s Toronto vs NJ and wearing a maple lefes jersey

And luke sees her and is banging on the glass to get ur attention and is like “off now”

Idk this idea popped in my head lmao

R U Mine? | luke hughes

"all i ever wanna say is, 'are you mine?'"

luke hughes x reader

summary: you wear a toronto maple leafs jersey to luke’s game and he can't help but wish you were wearing his...

warning(s): cursing

hiii @bibella8swan <3 hope u like mitch marner, if not, just imagine someone else LMAO + i really need to make a navigation with like a proper request/prompt system, im tryna be a pro tumblr writer gal

You loved Mitch Marner, like loved him. 

Having grown up in Toronto, your family loved hockey just as much as the next family— which was a lot. They watched every single Leafs game, went to every single Leafs signing, and they even had a shrine of Leafs memorabilia in your parents’ home office. To say they liked the Leafs was an understatement (honestly, they would probably tackle you if you said that)— they were obsessed. 

Luke knew you loved the Leafs. I mean, he lived next door to you for a good chunk of his life, how could he not know? It wasn’t like you were sporting all things Leafs whenever you were with him, but Luke paid enough attention to notice your dedicated Mitch Marner Pinterest boards and your number 16 lockscreen. Though you rarely ever said it out loud (honestly, I don’t think you’ve ever told Luke, let alone anyone else, about your love for Mitch), Luke knew— because Luke knew you. He noticed the little things, like the way you always needed to carry around a lint roller in your bag because you just knew there would be unwanted lint wherever you end up going, or the way you laughed at everything, even bad jokes, because you hated silence even more. 

When he moved to Michigan, you were scared that things were going to change between the two of you, but it never did. He was still your best friend, and you were still his. When he found out you were moving to New Jersey for college, he was ecstatic given that he had just gotten drafted to the Devils. 

Getting to spend more time with his best friend? It was the best news he had ever been given. Luke started planning out your guys’ lives in New Jersey the second you told him about your plans. Maybe you guys could share an apartment instead of him sharing one with Jack, and maybe you could go to all of his home games and cheer him on in the stands? 

Luke moved to New Jersey after Michigan’s loss in the Frozen Four, and while it was a bitter moment, knowing that he was finally going to see you made it not so terrible. 

When Luke arrived in New Jersey, it was like nothing had changed. The two of you spent every single day together, and there wasn’t a single moment when you guys weren’t laughing, or making fun of each other while laughing. You even got an apartment with him, just like he had planned. It was perfect. Maybe that was when Luke understood that his love for you was way beyond just friendship. Luke loved you. Quinn said that Luke had fallen in love with you the moment he saw you, but he just wasn’t bright enough to see it— I guess college did teach him a couple of things. 

After a few more months of living together, Jack had finally managed to slap some sense into the both of you after finding out that you were both going on Tinder dates and that none of you were happy. In fact, you two were miserable. Every single time you watched the other person walk out that front door in nice clothes and high expectations, you felt some part of yourself crumble to pieces. 

You hated the thought of someone getting to hold Luke’s hand or cuddle into his side, or even get the chance to kiss him. You had known Luke your entire life and some random girl from some stupid app that he had known for, what? An hour? Got to get closer to him than you? You hated that, and little did you know, Luke hated that, too.

Which brought you to where you were now: at Luke’s game against the Toronto Maple Leafs. 

You slipped into the front row, sitting beside Ryleigh and Brooke, as you got the most perfect view of Luke as he and the rest of the Devils skated onto the ice for warmups before the game. You were engaged in conversation with Brooke when you felt Ryleigh tap your shoulder repeatedly. Whipping your head in her direction, she pointed to the glass and said, “I think someone’s trying to get your attention,” she laughed. 

When you looked toward the glass, you saw Luke banging against the clear pane. You were confused, to say the least. It wasn’t unusual for Luke to give you some sort of attention during warmups, like a simple wave, or a small smile, but for him to be banging on the glass? It had to be important. 

“Off," he nodded his head at you. "Now.”

You furrowed your brows. What was he talking about? You squinted your eyes, signaling that you had no idea as to what he was referring to. 

Luke pinched his jersey, pulling it up and down, and you immediately knew what it was. You were wearing a Marner jersey. What did he think was going to happen? The love of your life was on that ice— of course you were going to wear his jersey! But then again, the love of your life was banging on the glass, getting a million stares from Devils fans and Leafs fans alike, just so he could gain some comfort knowing that you were in that crowd, wearing his jersey. 

You didn’t quite understand that, though. You wondered why it was so important to Luke. I mean, you wore his jersey to every single home game. It was one game against a team you loved. What was the big deal?

You shrugged him off, shooing him to go back to the others when you heard the siren go off, signaling that it was time for the game to start. He shook his head and skated off to the Devils’ bench. 

The first period was… definitely something.

Luke got the puck a lot, but he also missed the puck… a lot. He skated around the ice like a lost puppy, and you bit your nails, wondering if it really was the jersey that was bothering him. It didn’t seem like a big deal to you. You’ve loved Mitch Marner since the concept of crushes even came to you. The Maple Leafs were your team. What was so wrong with that?

During the intermission, you sprang out of your seat and marched over to the direction of the locker rooms. The Rock was like a second home to you. You knew the place like the back of your hand which made it so much easier to get to Luke— because you needed to get to Luke before the second period started. You needed to know why it was taking such a toll on him. 

When you walked towards the hall of the locker rooms, your eyes met Luke’s and he immediately ran over to you, or rather hobbled to you, on his skates. On his way over, his right hand fished for the bottom of his jersey as he pulled it over his head in one clean motion. God, it was the hottest thing you had ever seen. 

“Take this,” he said, still out of breath from the game. 

You shook your head. “That thing is full of sweat, Luke.”

“Then let me grab you a clean one from my stall,” he suggested before turning around.

You scoffed, grabbing his wrist and swiveling him back towards you. “What’s going on?”

He shrugged. “Nothing.”

You rolled your eyes. “The last time you said that, you were pissed off that Jack got the last slice of pizza and the next time you got pizza, you added olives because you knew Jack hated them. It’s not nothing, Luke.”

He looked everywhere but you, because he knew you’d read him like a magazine. He knew that he could never hide a single thing from you, because just as he had paid attention to you, you had paid attention to him. You knew him, and deep down, you knew why the jersey was such a big deal to Luke, but you wanted to hear him say it. 

You wanted Luke to call you his. 

His shoulders relaxed for the first time since intermission started, and his eyes finally met yours. “I know you love Mitch. You always have, and that’s never been a problem, and it never will be, but… I wanted you to pick me.”

You narrowed your brows, stepped closer to the boy you loved so much, and you whispered almost tauntingly, “Why should I pick you?”

He bent down, held the sides of your face, and crinkled his eyes in nothing but cringe. “Are you really gonna make me say it?”

“Gosh, I think Mitch is calling my name,” you frowned. 

He shook his head, a playful smile dancing on his lips. “For some fucking reason, I love you, Y/N, and I want you to wear my jersey, I’m begging you to wear my jersey, because as selfish as this sounds, I need to know that you’re not Marner’s, and you’re not the Leafs’ — you’re mine. I want you… to be mine.”

Your face broke into a bright smile. “Fucking finally,” you laughed, pushing him off of you and towards the locker room. “Give me the damn jersey, Hughes, intermission ends in seven! Also,” you pulled him back. “I love you, too.”

[ofmdee]

MAN i am so close to getting the next part of BU written, im like at the very end of the chapter but im having a hard time wrapping it up, i think because i Know that means then i have to do the pictures 😂

the chapter kinda started off as a freewriting thing, a pwp i wasn't planning on sharing, but then i realized it Could actually be a good filler chapter, and once that happened i was like oh i can't write anymore 😅

but i added a few plotty things, including a conversation i wanted ed and stede to have re: ed's transmogrification which i think is important, and ed giving stede a pearl he finds. he's bringing stede little trinkets like a kitty bringing gifts. mermaids are just big cats 2 me.

and then stede starts calling ed his pearl, etc etc

i WANT TO want to write, i want to keep creating this fic, i love it so much, it's my passion project etc, but i am just having such a hard time with it lately! i am rly trying to follow this advice and be gentle w myself and not push it, but it's hard! i worry that by the time i Really feel like doing it again, anyone who was interested will have moved on. i compare myself to other ppl too often, and i feel like holy shit ive been working on this for over 2 years, i should have SO MUCH more to show for the amount of time i put into it 💀

and then ofc i always doubt myself, like this isn't good, ppl are just reading it because they are my friends/feel sorry for me, the sims stuff is Cringe and im so amateur and embarrassing and everything i do sucks!!!

but also ive been rereading the fic during downtime at work, just to try and get a feel for it again, and im like oh, this is actually NOT awful? and it's making me like hmmmmm maybe i WILL get back into this....... i really do love it. i love reading it. and that's so important, i think. i like what i create, even tho i am also convinced no one else will. idk when my self confidence fuckin TANKED man but i think so little of myself and i hate that! i wanna think im the shit. or at least okay.

anyway idk what im even talking abt anymore, lmfao, just. fic stuff!!! being obsessive abt stuff. fandom stuff! i'm thinking abt taking an edible later and then trying to churn out the rest of the chapter so i at least have the framework to edit but idk, i rly AM also trying not to force it. i have ts4 open still from making my new icon/header and im like hmmm i could load my photoshoot save and start working on the pics.... but idk.

i HAVE gotten really into diamond painting over the past month or so, tho, and i think having another hobby, one that isn't tied to the internet in general, is rly helping me balance some things a bit more. here are a few pics of things ive made:

ive even ordered a custom ofmd kit, using one of ann's edits as the picture, im soooooo excited for it to arrive!!! ive been rly obsessive abt this since i started, but it's rly relaxing? it makes my mind go (white noise static sound) and rly helps me forget abt being anxious. but then i can also end up getting anxious about doing it Too Much, but that's a whole other can of worms re childhood trauma etc etc w/e

this turned into kinda a life update post lmfao, i just wanted to untangle some fic thoughts but it got away from me. oh well! idk thanks if u read this and thanks if u read my fic, i promise i haven't forgotten abt it 🧜‍♂️

[thatlittledandere]

PLEASE talk about xoxo droplets omg. im no thoughts head empty rn but tbh just i wanna hear every opinion you have about it,, i love when people share my Extremely Unknown Special Interest

Every time I think about how to explain the main characters to someone unfamiliar with them I can get through Everett and Shiloh just fine, normal short synopses, but THEN. NATE LAWSON. TRAPS ME FOR HOURS. Nate isn't even my favorite but I'm obsessed with him oh my god. This is gonna have spoilers for his route btw hold on

Like. I met him, and thought, in a true JB fashion, hot damn. He, he's easily the most attractive of the bunch to me shrsvhddh (Everett has so many qualities I love on paper but in practice. It's Nate he's the most handsome) Then I started to observe why he's in the Unfriendable Group and deducted that he's got a stick the size of a log up his ass. Simple enough. But WAIT THERE'S MORE

I started his route PURELY because he was hot shhddvhgd even though I disliked him hard after my first playthrough. (Shiloh. I didn't believe the warnings. F in the chat bois.) He's not JUST a stickler to the rules nooooooo he's a PERFECTIONIST. And a SUPERHUMAN. But HE doesn't see it like that nooooo he thinks he's just the only one who puts in any effort at all. People keep telling him his standards are unreachable but ~obviously~ they're not. If he can do it, so can everyone else! They're just not trying hard enough! And he doesn't try to be perfect, no, that's impossible. He just wants to be the best he can!

But it's never enough. There's always room for improvement, after all. Nate could get a perfect score on a test and still be dissatisfied, because he could have elaborated on that point in his essay more, or his handwriting got too close to the marginalia on one line and that is unprofessional, or he thought on that one multi-choice question longer than he should have if he studied adequately, etc, etc.

And because of this he's constantly stressed the FUCK out. He volunteers when something needs to be done, he helps out teachers, he takes it upon himself to make sure everyone else is ALSO acting properly, he puts at LEAST 100% into EVERYTHING he does, and there's always more to do. He has a part-time job at a warehouse as well and while the physical labor can offer a bit of a break for his brain, you can bet your ASS he doesn't stop for ONE second or stay on his break a MINUTE too long. How the hell does he live like this?

Well. What other choice is there? Things need to be done. They need to be done well. And obviously Nate knows the importance of rest to your health and performance, so he certainly eats and sleeps properly, but see these things are also scheduled and measured and optimized for maximum efficiency. But does he get REST, for REAL? Does he RELAX?

Yes, because he's best friends and roomies (the room is spotless At All Times) with Everett "2kool4skool" Gray (who would shoot me point blank for saying something so uncool about him). I Could write another essay on their dynamic but let's just say they balance each other out. Nate gives Everett direction, Everett gives Nate respite. Phew.

But I'm not done. MORE MORE MORE. Because I started talking about my personal relationship to Nate but got sidetracked by character analysis dghfsfh THE THING IS I disliked him heavily even some time after starting his route, and all the characters absolutely SHINE on their dates. But then. The unthinkable happened.

The class trip.

Now of course I already knew Nate was extremely high strung all of the time, but until that point I'd seen it either as an annoyance or a joke. But the class trip was, like, a disaster to Nate. He's spending more time with the group outside strictly defined areas and activities and therefore feels responsibility over their behavior. Obviously a new environment with new activities gives everyone more opportunities to act up. They have a schedule, but it's not in Nate's control, and he can't help seeing himself as like a vice advisor, and nothing goes exactly as planned or at ALL as planned, and everyone's doing it on PURPOSE his life is already hell and they're doing it to SPITE him or maybe they're just completely unfit to the title of human being that's been forced on these demons, and this is STILL SCHOOL they're still bound by school rules and they should LEARN things here and GET SOMETHING OUT OF IT for HEAVENS sake,

So it's no wonder he breaks down. And it was, it was fucking terrible. Nate's stress and anxiety present as anger most of the time, I didn't... I didn't see him as the type who would cry. Kind of figured Nate was one of those boys who didn't remember the last time they cried but guessed it was somewhere around fourth grade? Heartless of me. I really thought he was like. Pardon the expression. Above such vulnerability.

Of course he's not. He's a person, and a highly sensitive one at that. I guess I hadn't noticed it over what a hardass he is;;; And y'all I felt SO bad. And so awkward. Like. What the fuck do you do in that situation? This wasn't supposed to happen. It felt like we were breaking the script somehow. Like. "I'm not supposed to see this. Why am I seeing this? Do I need to? Fucking christ. Is this allowed? When can I leave. Uh. There there? Can't even pat him on the shoulder. Jesus just kill me"

And that scene changed everything. Nate cried in front of the MC and I could never see him in the same light again. I used to think he was kinda just a tough yet guarded guy and a demanding ass but oh wow he's actually just like. This dude has anxiety. This dude has problems. He's burning out at light speed and has been for the past what? Eight years?? Get him HELP.

And I HAVEN'T EVEN TOUCHED ON HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS PARENTS YET. So they're the type who saw having children as just a step that responsible adults take at some point in their lives, and they were not prepared. And Nate was a difficult child too. Not on purpose, obviously, babies don't do anything on purpose, but he was particularity emotional even as a baby. He's just Like That. So his parents ehm eeeurgh tolerated him for a few years. Just kind of. Pushed through it. And then decided to give up and send him to a boarding school. Like they basically abandoned him there because they couldn't handle him.

And Nate is on hard denial about this. He tells himself it was the reasonable choice and the best for everyone, and he's not wrong, but he's also not ready to face the fact that uh. His parents very much just are not good at parenting and they don't actually know each other at all. "I respect them and they respect me" is how he puts it, and again it's not wrong but also christ he was not truly loved as a child and still isn't. Mommy and daddy hear that his grades are top of the class and he's very mature and responsible and respected by staff and students alike, and they're proud of him, but they do NOT know who he is as a person or how fucking terrible he's actually doing.

Not that Nate admits any of that himself. I can see how it would be difficult to face when you're already juggling fifty glass balls on a glass platter while riding a unicycle on hard stone floor.

Why is NATE is the one I give a private Ted Talk on regularly when none of the jerks are doing much better. He's just for fucks sake he, he's doing so bad. So bad. Maybe it's the incredibly harsh wakeup call I got? I cannot overstate how impactful that one scene was. HE CRIED. HE CRIED IN FRONT OF ANOTHER PERSON? HE BROKE DOWN?? NATE LAWSON HAS WEAKNESSES??? LIKE HE WASN'T JUST DOING ALL THAT FOR THE SAKE OF OBLIGATION OR TO LOOK GOOD ON A RESUME? HE'S REALLY THAT CRUSHED? I wasn't supposed to be there. I know it's a scripted event but I wasn't supposed to see that it feels not allowed. Are you still there? Thank you for reading go to sleep

[penelopecolinb]

Hi, nat! I became a big fan of POLIN after watching season 3 of BRIDGERTON, and for the past two months, I've been obsessed with everything about Polin and even reading your fanfiction! I don't read English very well, but with the help of a translator, I've been devouring all of your fics these past few weeks! The way you describe Polin’s relationship, Colin's character, and their intimacy is so sexy and mesmerizing, and I feel like this could only be done by you. I especially love the way you describe Colin's possessiveness and obsession, which is never unpleasant, but rather charming, because it shows his purity towards Penelope...

I have so many questions for you since you write such amazing fiction... I don't want to bother you, but if you have time, I'd love for you to answer them!

1. you wrote a fanfiction of Polin before season 3 was released, and I'm curious what it is about this couple that fascinated you! Are you a fan of the original show?

2. i was wondering how you viewed season 3, because despite the fact that your fic was written before season 3 was released, i felt that the Colin from the show and the Colin from your novel were very similar, especially in terms of Colin being insecure about Pen's love and being afraid that he wouldn't be a better man for her, and trying to hold on to her, even having sex with her right after they got engaged! I know that part 2 left fans disappointed in terms of length and other aspects, but do you think the show satisfied you?

3. last but not least...I was actually going to ask you if you'd be willing to release a new ONE SHOT fic during this Bonus Polin Week! Then I read your most recent one, SPARE HEART, and I found out that you're in a difficult situation to write fics. I'm so sad for you, but I hope your situation will turn out the way you want it to be soon. It's a great pain for me to know that my favorite fanfiction author is in a bad situation!

Your fics have given me so much comfort and strength!!! 🥺 I can't wait until you start posting fanfiction again! And I'm Korean, and I just wanted to let you know that in the Korean online community I'm in, there are a lot of compliments and mentions of your fics!! I love you!!! If I'm approved to join Ao3, I promise to leave comments and kudos on your fics in the future 😘😘

oh god my darling, thank you so so so much for this lovely message, my heart is so full 💖💖

i'll be happy to answer any questions you (or anyone else) might have!

yes, i was a casual viewer of the original series. i got into it even more when queen charlotte came out, and then i just started loving the angst of pen overhearing colin say that shit about never courting her. i went into a deep dive on polin ao3 and never came back!

im hesitant to answer any questions about the show because i dont want to be a hater. i didnt like a lot of the decisions the writers made - not just in part 2, but part 1 too. i think i'll leave it at that. i feel that thinking of the many many things that i wasn't satisfied by really overshadowed the few parts of the series i genuinely liked.

oh, bless your heart. thank you so much for your kind words. i'm trying to finish spare heart at the moment, and then i have a oneshot coming up (but not in polin week) for the polin x care for gaza raffle winner. and after that, i do have a few ideas i wanna start on! so hopefully i will be able to write, but probably not as frequently as i do now.

that is so insane to me, that the polin community in korea have an awareness of my fic and talk about it and really like it 😭😭😭😭😭 thank you for sharing that with me! im so so so glad that my fics have such a broad reach. please pass on my thanks to the lovely korean online community you're in!

i hope you, my lovely friend, have a wonderful, wonderful day!

[cometcrystal]

fav lyrics in each taylor swift song

I have autism and got a whim so here you go.

Self titled

Tim mcgraw - September saw a month of tears / And thankin' God that you weren't here / To see me like that

Picture to burn - So go and tell your friends that I'm obsessive and crazy / That's fine, I'll tell mine you're gay

Teardrops on my guitar - She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love / Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky

A place in this world - I don't know what I want, so don't ask me

Cold as you - You never did give a damn thing, honey, but I cried, cried for you / And I know you wouldn't have told nobody if I died, died for you

The outside - You could've helped if you had wanted to

Tied together with a smile - Cause you're giving it away like it's extra change / Hoping it will end up in his pocket / But he leaves you out like a penny in the rain

Stay beautiful - Cory's eyes are like a jungle / He smiles, it's like the radio

Shouldve said no - It's strange to think the songs we used to sing / The smiles, the flowers, everything is gone

Marys song - I was seven and you were nine / I looked at you like the stars that shined

Our song - I was riding shotgun with my hair undone in the front seat of his car / He's got a one-hand feel on the steering wheel, the other on my heart (literally one of the most iconic taytay lyrics of all time imo)

Im only me when im with you - Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground

Invisible - She can't see the way your eyes light up when you smile

A perfectly good heart - Why would you wanna make the very first scar?

Lucky you - Her mama named her Lucky on a starlit night

Fearless - And I don't know why but with you I'd dance in a storm in my best dress

Fearless

Fifteen - In your life you'll do things greater than dating the boy on the football team

Love story - So, I sneak out to the garden to see you / We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew

Hey stephen - I could give you fifty reasons why I should be the one you choose / All those other girls - well, they're beautiful / But would they write a song for you?

White horse - My mistake, I didn't know to be in love you had to fight to have the upper hand

You belong with me - And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town / I haven't seen it in a while since she brought you down

Breathe - You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

Tell me why - You could write a book on how to ruin someone's perfect day

You're not sorry - And you've got your share of secrets / And I'm tired of being last to know

The way i loved you - And my heart's not breaking / 'Cause I'm not feeling anything at all

Forever and always - I hold onto the night you looked me in the eye and told me you loved me / Were you just kidding?

The best day - I don't know who I'm going to talk to now at school / But I know I'm laughing on the car ride home with you

Change - They might be bigger / But we're faster and never scared

Jump then fall - We're on the phone and without a warning / I realize your laugh is the best sound I have ever heard

Untouchable - In the middle of the night when I'm in this dream / It's like a million little stars spelling out your name

Come in with the rain - Talk to the wind, talk to the sky / Talk to the man with the reasons why

Superstar - And I knew from the first note played / I'd be breaking all my rules to see you

The other side of the door - I said, "Leave," but all I really want is you / To stand outside my window throwing pebbles / Screaming, "I'm in love with you"

Today was a fairytale - Today was a fairytale / I wore a dress / You wore a dark grey t-shirt / You told me I was pretty when I looked like a mess

You all over me - The best and worst day of June / Was the one that I met you / With your hands in your pockets / And your "Don't you wish you had me?" grin

Mr. Perfectly fine - And I never got past what you put me through / But it's wonderful to see that it never fazed you

We were happy - Oh, I hate those voices telling me I'm not in love anymore

That's when - gonna keep it real with u chief i dont have a favorite from this one bc i listened to it 1nce ever and the azlyrics arent standing out to me.

Don't you - Don't you say you've missed me if you don't want me again

Bye bye baby - Guess I never doubted it / Then the here and the now floods in

Speak now

Mine - You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter

Sparks fly - Give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around

Back to december - It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you

Speak now - The organ starts to play a song that sounds like a death march

Dear john - Wonderin' which version of you I might get on the phone tonight / Well, I stopped pickin' up, and this song is to let you know why

Mean - And I can see you years from now in a bar / Talking over a football game / With that same big loud opinion / But nobody's listening

The story of us - This is looking like a contest of who can act like they care less / But I liked it better when you were on my side

Never grow up - Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home

Enchanted - Please don't be in love with someone else / Please don't have somebody waiting on you

Better than revenge - joshua rtvs voice this song sucks start over

Innocent - 32 is still growing up

Haunted - Something keeps me holding on to nothing

Last kiss - How you'd kiss me when I was in the middle of saying something / There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions

Long live - If you have children some day / When they point to the pictures / Please tell them my name

Ours - People throw rocks at things that shine

If this was a movie - Locked up in your arms and our friends are laughing / 'Cause nothing like this ever happened to them

Superman - I always forget to tell you I love you, I loved you from the very first day

Electric touch - And maybe I call you mine / And you won't need space / Or string me along while you decide

When emma falls in love - Like if Cleopatra grew up in a small town

I can see you - i dont care

Castles crumbling - Ones I loved tried to help, so I ran them off

Foolish one - Don't know what to call this situation / But I know I can't call you mine

Timeless - In the fifteen hundreds off in a foreign land / And I was forced to marry another man / You still would've been mine

Red

State of grace - So you were never a saint / And I've loved in shades of wrong / We learn to live with the pain / Mosaic broken hearts

Red - Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met

Treacherous - Put your lips close to mine / As long as they don't touch

I knew you were trouble - Pretends he doesn't know that he's the reason why / You're drowning, you're drowning, you're drowning

All too well - You said if we had been closer in age maybe it would have been fine / And that made me want to die / The idea you had of me, who was she? / A never-needy, ever-lovely jewel whose shine reflects on you

22 - It feels like a perfect night to dress up like hipsters / And make fun of our exes

I almost do - I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can't say "Hello" to you / And risk another goodbye

We are never ever getting back together - I'm really gonna miss you picking fights / And me falling for it screaming that I'm right

Stay stay stay - It's been occurring to me I'd like to hang out with you for my whole life

The last time - You wear your best apology / But I was there to watch you leave

Holy ground - Tonight I'm gonna dance for all that we've been through / But I don't wanna dance if I'm not dancing with you

Sad beautiful tragic - And time is taking its sweet time erasing you

The lucky one - And your lover in the foyer doesn't even know you / And your secrets end up splashed on the news front page

Everything had changed - Cause all I know is we said, "Hello" / And your eyes look like coming home

Starlight - Can't remember what song it was playing when we walked in / The night we snuck into a yacht club party / Pretending to be a duchess and a prince

Begin again - I almost brought him up / But you start to talk about the movies that your family watches every single Christmas

The moment i knew - What do you say when tears are streaming down your face in front of everyone you know?

Come back be here - Taxi cabs and busy streets / That never bring you back to me

Girl at home - You're the kind of man who makes me sad / While she waits up

Ronan - You were my best four years

Better man - Push my love away like it was some kind of loaded gun

Nothing new - Shoot you down and then they sigh / And say, "She looks like she's been through it"

Babe - I hate that because of you, I can't love you, babe

Message in a bottle - I'm reaching for you, terrified

I bet you think about me - I was raised on a farm, no, it wasn't a mansion / Just livin' room dancin' and kitchen table bills (this is my fav lyric from this song because its so categorically fucking FALSE)

Forever winter - If I was standing there in your apartment / I'd take that bomb in your head and disarm it

Run - There's a heart on your sleeve / I'll take it when I leave / And hold it for you

The very first night - Not trying to fall in love / But we did like children running

1989

Welcome to new york - Kaleidoscope of loud heartbeats under coats

Blank space - I get drunk on jealousy

Style - You got that long hair, slicked back, white t-shirt / And I got that good girl faith and a tight little skirt

Out of the woods - The rest of the world was black and white / But we were in screaming color

All you had to do was stay - People like you always want back the love they gave away / And people like me wanna believe you when you say you've changed

Shake it off - Can't stop, won't stop grooving / It's like I got this music in my mind / Saying, "It's gonna be alright"

I wish you would - You always knew how to push my buttons / You give me everything and nothing

Bad blood - Band-aids don't fix bullet holes

Wildest dreams - You'll see me in hindsight / Tangled up with you all night / Burnin' it down

How you get the girl - Shaking from the rain, rain /She'll open up the door and say, "Are you insane?"

This love - And I could go on and on, on and on and I will

I know places - Loose lips sink ships all the damn time / Not this time

Clean - The water filled my lungs, I screamed so loud / But no one heard a thing

Wonderland - Didn't you flash your green eyes at me? / Didn't you calm my fears with a Cheshire cat smile?

You are in love - And you understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars

New romantics - The rumors are terrible and cruel / But, honey, most of them are true

Reputation

Ready for it - Every love I've known in comparison is a failure

End game - And I bury hatchets, but I keep maps of where I put 'em

I did something bad - I never trust a playboy, but they love me / So I fly 'em all around the world / And I let them think they saved me

Dont blame me - My name is whatever you decide

Delicate - Do the girls back home touch you like I do?

Look what you made me do - You asked me for a place to sleep / Locked me out and threw a feast

So it goes - You did a number on me / But, honestly, baby, who's counting

Gorgeous - You should take it as a compliment / That I got drunk and made fun of the way you talk

Getaway car - I'm in a getaway car / I left you in a motel bar / Put the money in a bag and I stole the keys / That was the last time you ever saw me

King of my heart - Is this the end of all the endings? / My broken bones are mending

Dancing with our hands tied - I'm a mess, but I'm the mess that you wanted

Dress - My hands are shaking from holding back from you

This is why we cant have nice things - And here's to my baby / He ain't reading what they call me lately

Call it what you want - He built a fire just to keep me warm

New years day - I want your midnights / But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day

Lover

I forgot that you existed - I forgot that you existed / And I thought that it would kill me, but it didn't

Cruel summer - I love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?

Lover - Ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand? / With every guitar string scar on my hand / I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover

The man - What's it like to brag about raking in dollars / And getting bitches and models?

The archer - 'Cause all of my enemies started out friends / Help me hold on to you

I think he knows - Lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh

Miss americana and the heartbreak prince - And I don't want you to (Go) / I don't really wanna (Fight) / 'Cause nobody's gonna (Win)

Paper rings - I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings

Cornelia street - And baby, I get mystified by how this city screams your name

Death by a thousand cuts - ENTIRE SONG !!!!!!!

London boy - You Can Find Me In The Pub We Are Watching Rugby

Soon you'll get better - And I hate to make this all about me / But who am I supposed to talk to?

False god - I know heaven's a thing / I go there when you touch me, honey / Hell is when I fight with you

You need to calm down - And I'm just like, "Damn It's 7 AM"

Afterglow - I lived like an island, punished you with silence

Me - HEY KIDS SPELLING IS FUN

Its nice to have a friend - Something gave you the nerve to touch my hand

Daylight - I once believed love would be burning red / But it's golden like daylight

Folklore

The 1 - In my defense, I have none / For never leaving well enough alone

Cardigan - You drew stars around my scars / But now I'm bleeding

The last great american dynasty - They say she was seen on occasion / Pacing the rocks staring out at the midnight sea / And in a feud with her neighbor / She stole his dog and dyed it key lime green

Exile - I can see you starin', honey / Like he's just your understudy / Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me

My tears ricochet - And if I'm dead to you why are you at the wake?

Mirrorball - I've never been a natural / All I do is try, try, try

Seven - And I think you should come live with me and we can be pirates / Then you won't have to cry

August - So much for summer love, and saying "Us" / 'Cause you weren't mine to lose

This is me trying - And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad / I have a lot of regrets about that

Illicit affairs - Don't call me "kid", don't call me "baby" / Look at this idiotic fool that you made me / You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else

Invisible string - Cold was the steel of my axe to grind for the boys who broke my heart / Now I send their babies presents

Mad woman - i dont care

Epiphany - Something med school did not cover / Someone's daughter, someone's mother / Holds your hand through plastic now

Betty - Betty, right now is the last time I can dream about what happens when you see my face again

Peace - All these people think love's for show / But I would die for you in secret

Hoax - Don't want no other shade of blue but you / No other sadness in the world would do

The lakes - Those Windermere peaks look like a perfect place to cry / I'm setting off, but not without my muse

Evermore

Willow - I'm like the water when your ship rolled in that night / Rough on the surface but you cut through like a knife

Champagne problems - Sometimes you just don't know the answer / 'Til someone's on their knees and asks you

Gold rush - I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch

Tis the damn season - If I wanted to know who you were hanging with while I was gone, I would've asked you

Tolerate it - I made you my temple, my mural, my sky / Now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life

No body no crime - She says, "That ain't my Merlot on his mouth / That ain't my jewelry on our joint account"

Happiness - No one teaches you what to do / When a good man hurts you / And you know you hurt him, too

Dorothea - And if you're ever tired of being known for who you know / You know that you'll always know me

Coney island - If I can't relate to you anymore / Then who am I related to?

Ivy - I'd live and die for moments that we stole / On begged and borrowed time / So tell me to run / Or dare to sit and watch what we'll become / And drink my husband's wine

Cowboy like me - And the skeletons in both our closets / Plotted hard to fuck this up

Long story short - Pushed from the precipice / Clung to the nearest lips / Long story short, it was the wrong guy

Marjorie - Should've kept every grocery store receipt / 'Cause every scrap of you would be taken from me

Closure - Don't treat me like some situation that needs to be handled

Evermore - I replay my footsteps on each stepping stone / Trying to find the one where I went wrong

Right where you left me - Glass shattered on the white cloth / Everybody moved on

Its time to go - He's got my past frozen behind glass / But I've got me

Midnights

Lavender haze - I'm damned if I do give a damn what people say

Maroon - Laughing with my feet in your lap / Like you were my closest friend

Anti hero - I'm a monster on the hill / Too big to hang out, slowly lurching toward your favorite city / Pierced through the heart, but never killed

Snow on the beach - But your eyes are flying saucers from another planet

Youre on your own kid - I picked the petals, he loves me not / Something different bloomed / Writing in my room

Midnight rain - And he never thinks of me / Except when I'm on TV

Question - gonna keep it real i straight up dont get this song

Vigilante shit - Picture me thick as thieves with your ex-wife

Bejeweled - I made you my world / Have you heard? / I can reclaim the land / And I miss you / But I miss sparkling

Labyrinth - I'll be getting over you my whole life

Karma - Karma is a cat / Purring in my lap 'cause it loves me / Flexing like a goddamn acrobat / Me and karma vibe like that

Sweet nothing - All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing

Mastermind - No one wanted to play with me as a little kid / So I've been scheming like a criminal ever since / To make them love me and make it seem effortless

Hits different - I pictured you with other girls in love / Then threw up on the street

The great war - Soldier down on that icy ground / Looked up at me with honor and truth / Broken and blue / So I called off the troops / That was the night I nearly lost you

Bigger than the whole sky - Did some bird flap its wings over in Asia? / Did some force take you because I didn't pray?

Paris - I wanna brainwash you into loving me forever

High infidelity - Do you really want to know where I was April 29th? / Do I really have to tell you how he brought me back to life?

Glitch - Maybe I'll see you out some weekend / Depending on what kind of mood and situation-ship I'm in / And what's in my system

Would've could've should've - THE ENTIRE THING !!!!!!!!!

Dear reader - No one sees when you lose when you're playing solitaire

Youre losing me - And I wouldn't marry me either / A pathological people pleaser / Who only wanted you to see her

Thats all the songs i can think of. My hands are shaking

[silver-wield]

I wanna laugh at the cleriths on twitter who ask for tifa to tell the truth so cloud wouldn't get to a mental breakdown THEN they will accept her??? How is it so difficult for them to get that its an important part for him to get to that vegetable stage for the narrative???? If nojima really wanted to, he wouldn't even put him in that state if he so pitied cloud.

My brain cells, I just wanna hug Tifa, these people don't get empathy and EQ....also IQ considering she can't say it all because she didn't even know he was there!!!!! What good would that do??? Plus if they think it's dead future aerith in the resolution? Shouldn't they be more angry at her since she said little to no information to actually help him and said just vague shit??? She could have helped him more than tifa at that point because she knows more right but didn't??? Oh good lord and they think they know the devs better??? Yet they stilll consider tifa a bully even after ToTP???? Sorry for the rant, pretty new to the fandom (after 1 year catching up at most) but were they always this stupid and crazy???? Rejoicing on KH, a single forced date, relying mostly only on devs interviews instead of game content, optional dress, etc???? There's so much out of content it's like asking for bread crumbs when he couldn't even visit her church even as a friend when it's so close to the HW area, both vers low and high he chose tifa and cleriths here thinking its true love??? jesus christ. In low, he stayed despite probably feeling he doesn't deserve the happiness because he failed to prioritize her (like in AC, so he was cold and self-absorbed), in high, he slept with her period. I just want to see they're mental breakdown once she dies and tifa and cloud get a kissing scene on rendered cgi, one they couldn't edit (hopefully).

Btw saw an idiot who say " that people are more concerned with who cloud kisses instead of the new graphics etc" law and behold its a fucking clerith. Why are they acting all high and mighty??? When they're the first one to be so abnormaly obsessed with the "kiss part" of their statement if they get a content even so desperately little??? Did they forget they're shitty take on hollow???? Lol now they're saying we shouldn't be so sure with the trailer but they're so sure about hollow??? Wtf? Do they think that's making them look smart??? Why do they mostly all act this way????

Also, before they think they get the devs, they better ask if they actually get the characters and especially the one they think they're a fan of. I'm neutral on aerith but it's sad that there are a lot of people who don't really get the real workings of her heart. It's even more sad that due to their shipping glasses they fail to get one of the most important theme/moment in the game, her death!!!! Smfh they really think she's gonna live?? Sephiroth, devs nor cloti aren't their biggest enemy on that but new players who don't care to play OG or part 1!!! FF7 has a brand and they're gonna keep it.

Thank you for listening to my rant, hope you have a good day. Im really sorry about this burst of rant but I just hate it since it ruins what the game wants to really say. It actually has a good message if only they're capable of actually seeing that. I personally don't ship cloti , im neutral but I consider them because you don't question how Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy are in love right?? It's right there in the fcking story on it's own unless your eyes were closed the whole time.

So I shared this same clip on twitter the other day. You can literally hear Tifa say "as far as I know" meaning she isn't sure.

Nojima is slapping lying Tifa haters with every bit of this game and companion works and they're still desperately trying to claim they're in the right.

It's funny af watching them meltdown rn over Sephiroth saying Tifa's name in the trailer. They've claimed he don't know her. They're dumb. They've claimed the devs are doing a fake out by having Sephiroth talk about Tifa but "they really mean Aerith". They're deluded af and they know time's up and the hoad is waiting to humiliate them 🤣

[what-if-nct]

hiii today's reminder is the drama that I've been following obsessively through reels and tumblr and recap articles but don't wanna commit to watching fully if it ends sad is ending next week and I'm so excited to finally watch it after finding it absolutely everything about it

also re your last reply. block him, and let a few people around you know. ideally tell the people you live with, so they can stay alert, and someone else you trust who can come help you if need be. you don't owe it to him to turn him down gently, and you definitely don't have to coddle him after everything. just block him. also if there's some kind of guard/security personnel in your building/area, let them know too please

Hiii, that is the best way to watch any show before you actually commit to it to scope out how it goes and if you'll actually like it. I always watch shows depending on TikToks and Tumblr gifsets I've seen. It's how I started watching Abbott Elementary. Oh also commercials. Like I'm still trying to figure out if I can handle watching Swarm but also Rory Caulkin is in it. That's enough incentive for me. I hope you enjoy it after you collect everything you need to know about it.

Okay, I already blocked him because he just wasn't listening to anything I was saying and was just trying to wear me down and beg. And I told the guy I'm seeing he does live the closest to me compared to all of my friends. I can't quite tell my family I live with okay so I know I'm 30 but I'm actually not allowed to hangout with guys so I have to always lie about who I'm with and where I am so i can't tell my family. Is that safe? No and Does 98% time no one knows where I am or who I'm with? Yeah and have I been in a hotel room in a completely different city with a guy I just met? Yeah but it just makes living with my family easier that way. But I'm fine I've only been in scary situations like twice and I'm okay. But I'm really hoping that he just kinda forgets about me I just don't understand why he's so fixated on me and demanding of me. But I should be fine I was just really overwhelmed and I swear I just get barraged with messages and d-pics from ex hook ups every single day and they just won't take no for an answer and it's tiring even if I block one another pops up and I'm so tired. I tried so hard to move away from that lifestyle but everyday I just get reminded all ill ever be is someones sex doll and its my only purpose and no one will love me and im sorry i keep just over sharing ok im done im sorry.

Oh also last night I had a dream and you were in it. I was watching a movie and it was just a cute sleep over movie and you showed up and we had snacks and blankets and when the sleepover in the movie was crashed by a bunch of guys and turned into a big party four of the girls hid in the bathroom away from the party and we were talking about how we'd do the same thing and we were just talking about the movie and eating snacks the whole dream.

[rommahh]

Love On Tour…Actually

{Im sorry for how late this was. I went to the show Friday and honestly, it was the best day of my life. I had a little PCD which made me super unmotivated but I’m back. I love you all, R}

You woke up a little grumpy, you won’t lie. You didn’t like waking up alone especially on a show day. It made you uncomfortable to be left to your own devices without any structure or schedule. You understood that Harry was a busy man but it would’ve been nice to receive some text so you could plan your day accordingly.

Sitting on the couch in the lounge of your hotel room, you chowed down on leftover pasta while watching Netflix on your iPad. You had yet to receive a text from Harry even though you had texted him hours ago when you woke up. It was hard to tell if he was ignoring you out of anger or if he was simply just lost in track. Either way you felt dejected.

On the other hand, Harry hadn’t even noticed that he iced you. He was busy running around Nashville trying to get things ready for tonight’s show. He bought you a new dress and shoes, and got the ring fitted. It was hard to figure out your ring size but he end up measuring your finger when you were passed out asleep in bed last night. When you slept, you slept and he knew that would be the perfect time to measure your finger.

Harry was so busy that morning, that by the end of his errands he realized he didn’t even have time to go back to the hotel before rehearsals. He was sporting a small cough and his vocal chords felt overworked but that’s all apart of tour.

Pulling his phone out of his back pocket as he walked into the arena, he dialed your number quickly. He had people trying to talk to him but he paid them no mind.

“Oh? Would you look who’s here?” Harry’s head shot up to the sound of your voice. There you sat on his dressing room couch, arms crossed over one another as you glared at him. Your gaze burned through him and he could just tell he was in trouble.

“Hello lovie.” Harry rasped.

“Harry you sound like shit but here you are up and about running around. You should’ve slept in this morning.” Scolding as you stand up to walk in front of him. Harry could feel the anger radiate off of you but you hid it well. He melted into your hands that cupped his warm cheeks.

“I had a lot of errands to run and I didn’t want to wake you. Also it’s just a sore throat from singing and traveling- comes with being on tour.” He mumbles dropping his head into your neck. You caress the hairs on the back on his neck and massage the tense muscles.

“You’ve got to think about yourself more, Harry. You have a show to put on but you can’t put on your best show if you’re not at your best. I am not happy with you at all.” Even though your words were scolding him, you held him your arms in the most soothing way. That’s what Harry loved about you, you cared for him like no one else could (aside from his mom). You could tell him off with your harshest words but he’d always feel your love from miles away.

“You’re right love, sorry for not keeping in touch today.” You hum in acknowledgement. You both pulled away from each other when his driver walked in with Harry’s abundance of bags. “Thank you, sir.”

“What all did you buy?” You ask walking towards the bags. Harry’s arm shot out in front of you making you stop. You looked up at him in shock. “Fine be secretive.”

You huffed before making your way back to the couch. Harry rolled his eyes at you, making way to his shopping bags. Plucking the bag from Nordstrom he plopped it down on the table in front of you.

“I just didn’t want you snooping at some other stuff. I bought you this, for tonight.” He sat down beside you, thighs touching leaving no room between you two.

“Im not trying to be mean. Just a little peeved that you left this morning without telling me. You also have a cold and I wanna take care of you since you won’t do it.” A hand rubs his forehead luring his eyes shut.

“Sorry baby, I thank you for caring so much.” He whispers sleepily.

“Im always gonna care for my bubs.” Kissing him on the lips, your turn your attention to the bag. The small grey bag had light tissue paper covering the product within the bag. The tissue falls to the floor as you dig into the bag. A silky champagne dress, folded neatly to decrease wrinkles, sits in the bag. The dress was soft and you knew it was loose enough to give you the room to dance. Soft snores escaped the boy beside you- the exhaustion evident on his face.

You pull the dress out of the bag and walk over to where his outfit of the night hung. The dress was hung beside his to be steamed for later. Turning around, you smile at the sight of your curled up boyfriend. Your heart hurt knowing that in a few minutes he would have to go rehearse.

Harry sleepily went through rehearsals sitting in a chair the whole time. He knew his stage cues and performance, he only had one more thing to rehearse but it required for you to not be in the room. He gave one look to Jeff to signal him to get you out. Jeff made up some excuse saying that he needed help with some social media post for the show.

Before the show, there was a catered dinner from some local restaurant. Harry ate a light meal of fresh vegetables and a sweet iced tea which has grown on him having lived in the states for some years. You ate grilled chicken and fries enjoying the free food. The two of you ate alone in his dressing room- wanting a moment of piece before the crazy.

“How are you feeling?” You ask Harry. He shrugs, he was more nervous than anything but you wouldn’t understand why if he had told that to you. He felt floaty. Tonight would be a game changer, a step in a whole new direction. This is something he’s wanted to do for years now but it’s finally happening, and he’s scared.

"Im ok, a little tired but what else is new. I can't wait to sleep all night and cuddle with you." He grabs your hand from across the table. you squeeze it, frowning at his revelation.

"I don't like that you're so tired." You worry, his hand squeezes yours in reassurance.

“Im ok, it’s all apart if the job.” He looks down to your bare ring finger, thumb brushing over the empty spot. Your nails were done in your favorite way, some funky pattern you found from Pinterest all painted on short coffin nails.

“I love you Harry and I’m so proud of you. I know that these years put us both in a bad place mentally but I’m happy of where we are now.” Harry could almost tear up to your words. They settled into his mind, resonating. He was making the perfect decision and you solidified that ideal.

2014

Harry didn’t know how they did it. A show every night, a new state everyday, a new country every few months- he was burnt out. He was tired of shared tour buses and the lack of autonomy. Last nights LA show was amazing, the crowd was amazing, the energy was amazing- so why did he feel so horrid?

He walked around in The Grove, security guards walking in front and behind him. He wanted a peaceful day alone but here they were. Fans watched suspiciously trying to decipher if it was Harry or not. His hat and sunglasses were obviously not the disguise he thought they would be.

As the whispers got louder, his heart started to flurry more. Panic seeped into his veins as he looked for an escape. Bolting in the Barnes and Nobles- security guards close behind- Harry asked for the employees to close shop just for a moment. Harry only needed a moment to get a car near by to escape to. Feeling overwhelmed, Harry hid.

In between the historical fiction and romance aisle is where he sat. Head between his knees, trying to catch his breathe.

“Are you ok?” A voice asked from above him. His head whipped up in shock. Standing there was you, three books clutched between your arms. Adjusting your dress you dropped down to the floor in front of him.

“I-im fine, tired but fine.” He replied. He looked different than he did the night before, you thought. Last night, he was energetic and full of life and now, now you saw a boy whose exhaustion overpowered him.

“You here for any books?” You were just trying to change the subject, something you did with yourself when you had panic attacks.

“Oh no, I don’t-“ he stuttered shaking his head. You smiled at him before pulling a book from your stack. The fault In Our Stars, your new favorite.

“I love this book, one of my favorites. Heard a movie is coming out too so that’s fun.” You joke. Harry’s relaxed slightly, you nestled closer to him. Opening the book, you began reading, your gentle voice calming Harry.

At the start of chapter four, an interruption pulled you both away. Harry’s security guard told Harry that a car was waiting and the perimeter of the store was clear. Harry nodded telling the guard to give him five more minutes.

“I guess this is it.” You mumble closing your book. Harry nods but makes no move to leave. Something clicks in him as he looks at your face again.

“You were at the concert last night, meet and greet?” He muses.

“Yeah, One Direction is my favorite band. My friend bought our vip tickets for my birthday. Best night ever.” You say quietly, scared that he might think that you’re some obsessed fan.

“Oh, well I’m glad you enjoyed the show….so why didn’t you freak out today or- or expose where I was?”

“You’re a human being, just like me. You get nervous, frustrated, and sad just like me. You get panic attacks just like. Who am I to treat you differently?” Your words did so much for Harry. “Now don’t get me wrong, you’re my favorite in the band, but I don’t idolize you nor do I wish to be in your position cause I know it must be hard.”

“It is. Hard, I mean, really really hard. I love my job but I’m tired.” The silence you two shared burned a connection between you two. “This may be weird but could I have your number? I like talking to you and I wanna hear more of this book.”

Placing your hand made bookmark in the book, you closed in and gently placed it on Harry’s lap. “Have it. I have one at home and if you still want to talk about it- I’ll give you my number.”

Harry stills as the book sits in his lap. “I want to talk to you about the book.”

After exchanging numbers, Harry was urged by you to go. Walking side by side to the door, you were separated by his security.

“Harry, don’t let this keep hurting you. Find the joy and grasp on to it.”

You turned out to be his joy. Calls every night after shows and different books being read together, you both gravitated towards each other. Everyday was a new day to grow closer together. He invited you to more concerts, paying for every ticket because he just needed to be with you.

The show was going beautifully. Harry looked amazing in stage in all white and most fans were captivated by your outfit too. It worried you to see Harry so exhausted on stage but you knew he would stick it through like he always does. Proud was an understatement in your eyes. Harry made you more than proud.

You stood in the back of the watermelon pit at the end of the aisle where his stage stopped a few feet away. Jeff stood beside you like he normally did but he was acting suspicious. You two never stood on the side of Harry’s exit but this is where Jeff said you’d get the best view tonight.

Harry sang his final ‘we’ll be alright’ before doing his stage stroll and bows, but instead of finishing in the middle of the stage- he went down stage to the place he normally exits to at the end of the night. You watched in confusion, along with the crowd, as he walked down the steps to you. The crowd erupted in screams as the lights focused on where you were standing.

“What are you doing?” You asked with large eyes of shock. You felt your heart stop in your chest. The crowd getting louder by the moment. Harry walked closer to you, one hand digging into his pocket while his eyes focused on your face. You couldn’t place what was happening but you’re eyes welled with even more tears nonetheless. Jeff was to the side with a huge smile and his phone out to capture the moment.

“Y/N, my love, my light, the best thing that has happened to me,” he didn’t have his mic on so the crowd couldn’t hear him but you could hear him perfectly. As if you two were the only ones in the large arena, you could only see Harry. “From the moment I met you in the bookstore, I knew you were meant to be in my life. Somehow you took me from my darkest place and guided me to my lightest.

I know our lives have been hard but we’ve always found a way to be alright. I want that for the rest of my life. I want you to be by my side for the rest of my life, so will you please, my love, marry me?”

You gave him no time to answer as you yanked him up by his arm. You wept as you exclaimed loud yeses, yeses that could be heard by a few fans who screamed in excitement igniting the rest of the crowd to scream. Harry picked you up in his arms, throwing one arm out to wave at the crowd before bounding backstage.

“Oh my god Harry!” You exclaimed as he set you down. He only had a few minutes to talk so you kept it quick. You pulled his face down to your kissing his lips. This kiss pulled you both deeper into each other.

He pulled away making you whine. “I gotta go back but I promise you’ll get it all tonight. I can’t believe you said yes. I love you so much.”

Harry’s energy multiplied by 100 going back on stage. He even went as far as to explain what watermelon sugar was about. Remembering when the song was made, it made your legs clench together- a pulse overwhelming your lower regions.

Looking down at your hand, you could feel yourself tear up again at the ring he bought you. It fit perfectly in your hand, you remember him measuring your hand that night even though he thought you were asleep. The thought of your future made your heart swell. A future with new music, a wedding, a nice house, and babies made your heart swell. This was something you couldn’t wait for.

Harry found his joy in you but he never knew about the joy he was to your dark life.

[antonhousehold]

so let's love

summary: sometimes, katsuki let his insecurities get the best of him. and sometimes, you get hurt because of that.

song: so let's love - day6 (click the song, its totally worth it!)

warning: angst. bakugou being toxic. reader is touch starved. yelling and cursing. insecurities. reader is in love with bakugou but he's afraid!! no fluff end!

reader: gn!neutral (or i tried to be neutral!)

note: this is my first time writing angst, so im sorry if is shitty. also, i would like to let know that english is not my first language, so im sorry if i messed up with the grammar and stuff like that!

loving bakugou was kinda... hard.

sometimes he's sweet in his own way. you remember the times when you fell asleep in his arms. the way his heart almost ran away from his chest. the warmth of his body against yours. it was simply beautiful.

he was beautiful.

everything started when you met him in that street. the sky was pouring and some thunders were lightning up the clouds. the city was dark and the stars were the only ones in the scene. he was smoking a cigarette and the smell of the tabaco and the rain was a very unique fragrance to you. you tried to cover him from the rain with your umbrella. gladly, he didn't stop you.

«have I seen you before?» you asked. those vermillion eyes were as deep as the ocean.

«i think so, [name]»

you remember the first time he asked you out in a date. it was simple but nice. just like him.

you remember the times when you were with with him in highschool. the way his words were harsh towards everyone. you thought he overcome that.

«i told you before, dumbass. i can't stand when you touch me like that in public! it makes me look fucking weak!»

we sometimes fight, and get hurt by each other's sharp words

«i didn't even hug you! i just leaned on your body. i can't help it, I'm your partner!»

«my partner would fucking understand and respect my boundaries! or are you too dumb to actually get it?! »

and you tried to be understanding about him. you tried to give him the space he need it. you stopped showing affection towards him in public. it was kinda hard, but if this was the best way to keep him happy and comfortable, you were completely down for it.

then, in your shared apartment, he started to accept your love. you believed in the soft kisses, the hugs, and the fuzzy feeling of his words in your heart. You wanted to believe in the memories of happiness and beautiful moments that you locked in your mind. the promises and the not so often sweet words. it made you feel special. he always made you feel special, or that's what you wanted to believe.

i can't possibly erase all the wounds you left in me

everything was going on very well, at least at the beginning. until those ethereal moments started to get serious. katsuki realized how much in love he was with you. how his heart almost ran away from his chest every time you looked at him.

it was overwhelming.

so he started panicking. you were just too good to be with him. he didn't feel worthy of your love. why would you even love someone like him?

i'm too afraid that you might leave me

«hey katsu, wanna shower together? i thought it was a good idea since both of us are exhausted»

«shower first. i'm not joining»

sometimes, he just didn't even consider your dates or plans with him. every time was the same. 'i have stuff to do, maybe tomorrow', 'i need to study for this test, i'm not gonna throw my career just for you'

you just wanted a little bit of his love.

you know me, please hold my unstable heart

«can you stop looking me like that? it's giving me goosebumps»

«i'm sorry»

it was hard to him as well. every time he saw your disappointed face and the teary eyes of you, his heart sinks. he didn't want to hurt you, but the feeling of loving you were scarier than hurting your feelings.

saying harsh words was so much easier than accepting the fact that he was feeling vulnerable when you were with him.

«i'm not gonna go to that shitty party. go by yourself»

«it's going to be so much fun! come on, grandpa!» you tried to play it cool. you just wanted a little of him.

«are you deaf? im not fucking going. i have stuff way more important than getting drunk with you»

i want your love, please love me. that's all i wish for

«why the fuck are you so clingy around him?!! do you like him or what?!» he asked once you walked through the door.

«what? what are you talking about?»

«don't play dumb with me. answer the fucking question!»

«i don't even know what are you talking about?!» his eyes were staring at you so furiously, that you even felt the goosebumps in your skin. bakugou always looked scary when he was this mad.

«i'm talking about that shitty extra!» he pulled out his phone and let you see the bright photos of the party night that was all over his social media.

even one word, i need to say it carefully. even this sentence with a trembling heart..

in fact, you were with that green haired boy, hugging him and smiling so softly that bakugou wanted to throw up. it was totally disgusting. 'how can they be so lovey dovey with that piece of shit and bitching all the time with me?'

«why are so mad about it? you hate when i touch you or kiss you, then why are you so obsessed when i show affection towards someone else?!» this whole situation was getting on your nerves. it was hard to keep a conversation about this with him, because he'd always yell the same thing about you.

«because you're my fucking partner!! i didn't expect you to be such a whore just for a damn hug!»

his words got stuck in your head as he started walking near you, just to look at your eyes with those deep vermillion eyes. for a moment, you thought he wanted to cried, but his screams blinded his emotions.

his scent stills reminds you fo cigarettes and rainy days. thunders and fire. it was hard to keep all those emotions in your chest.

i thought we were still fine, but i was wrong

«what the fuck is wrong with you, bakugou?!! you don't want me to even look at you but you get jealous when i have a good time with my friends. what the fuck do you want from me??!» you tried to fight the urge of crying. your eyes were begging to let them cry, but the knot in your throat was suffocating you at this point.

«i want you to fucking LEAVE! i'm so done with this shit. i can't stand you anymore. i don't want your shitty 'affection'» he yelled. you jump in your place of how unexpected his words came out. «i don't think i ever loved you! you're so fucking annoying with the same shit. 'please katsuki, love me please' so damn annoying. you wanna know what?! nobody wants your fucking affection, not even me, get over it!!»

we were shaking as much as we could. we were getting that cold

the words he said, the way he screamed, everything felt so out of him.

you felt your hot tears walking down your face so painfully. even felt your blood run cold against your skin. there's no way he was your boyfriend. katsuki was a jerk, totally, but he would never hurt you like that. he's not your katsuki. something happened to him.

you tried so hard to believe that he didn't mean those things. you thought it was just another fight, that tomorrow everything will be normal again. nothing changed, it wasn't real.

«i-i know you didn't mean it»

«i did. fucking leave. take your shit out of here soon»

i'm incomplete. i'm only complete with you

you know me so please, hold my unstable heart

«this is my apartment too»

«then i'll leave! throw all my stuff. enjoy your apartment, you can be free again»

he walked to the door with his phone and wallet, leaving the place with a heavy silent. you stared at the door, expecting to see him trying to apologize, but that didn't happen. you even imagined everything was a really mean joke, that he didn't mean something like that. you can't lie of loving someone for almost six months.

you tried so hard to keep him happy. you tried everything, but at the end, he didn't even love you as much as you did. all your wishes were just a pure thought of hope. it wasn't real. you just wanted a little of his love.

a last kiss.

a last hug.

a last minute of his life.

i want your love, please love me. that's all i wish for

so let's love more in the future

[shu-sakamaki]

Shuu Sakamaki unhealthy and spicy headcanons (I can't hold back no mo', me need to share them)

(PSA : This is purely fiction and it's mean to stay that way, if someone in real life is acting that way towards you please seek help and leaves asap, be safe out here)

- His love is overbearing and intense. This man has been in depression for centuries and you're the first and only person that he truly loves, his whole being is filled with you an you only, which can sometimes be too much. For example, I see Shuu in love with a special look in his eyes, an intense crazed-look especially when he stares at you and can leaves sometimes uneasy. Yes, he stares A LOT and follow every movement that you make, not in a mean way, he's in love.

- Not only he's been suffering for most of his life but also vampires are known to be extremely possessive creatures, so Shuu would NOT understand many "humans like things" that you wanna do such as going out with your friends without him and he will not hesitate to guilt-trip you to make you understand his perspective. Like, "why do you wanna go so bad with other people? Am I not enough ?" or "Well, I, only need you." which leads most of the time to you canceling plans or bringing him with you and he WILL monopolizes you, like you really thought you were going out with your friends ? How cute. This man has no boundaries and literally don't care.

- About boundaries, yeah...its uhm..pretty hard to talk to him on this subject. Shuu is by far the most understanding vampire of them all and this is saying something, but that doesn't mean that he'll be easy to convince, especially when we know that he doesn't like to receive orders. If you tell him that sometimes you need time for yourself or to see other people, he'll grow offended and cold and you'll be the one feeling bad because "he has suffered so much, please don't ask him to be away from you, he can't handle it."

- Sex is a weapon and Shuu knows it damn well. How many times he used sex to makes you too tired to do anything (like going out with other ppl) and clings to you like his life depends on it. We know that blondie like sex but, lord have mercy, it only grows stronger when he's with his S/O, like are you breathing okay ? Can you walk ? This man can spend a whole ass week non-stop in bed (R.I.P that pussy ayyeee) he stops to not affect you physically.

- Shuu is a protector like admin explained but also since he has huge PTSD because of the death of Edgar, he would not tolerate seeing one scratch on you. The moment he feels that you're unsafe somewhere or the slightest danger, he's locking you up. You ain't going out till he get rid of whatever is putting you in danger(mind you that can be ANYTHING, you're allergic to bees and there's one bee outside ? Miss gurl go back in the house before he locks you up for good.) Yes, he is willing to isolate you from everything and everyone if he feels like the world is too dangerous for you. He saw many humans dying in front of him, you are so delicate and fragile, he won't risk it. And this is where you need to be careful, do not make him think that you're in danger or you're never seeing the outside. Again, his love is really pure and intense, he would never wish bad upon the one he adores, but his mind is built a certain way, which can be really hard to understand. He will also take care of you and do a lot of things that you can do on your own, it's not that he's infantilising you but plea-se let him take care of you and put his mind at peace.

- Shuu is also really observant and because he have strong senses, he can feel and smell everything, the littlest mood changes or switch in you, he's looking up at you and putting his head on your lap, all up in your face "what's on your mind ? What's going on ? Is something bothering you ? Tell me please." Or if you're sick, cough once he will go "Huh ? Lay down I'm going to make some tea."

- He's possessive but also slightly obsessive, he wants to know everything about you, even the atrocious cringy stuff that you've done. Shuu is a vampire, "cringe" or "embarrassing" stuffs are obsolete for him, if not, it's only making him adores you more. He's obsessed, boy is listening to your moans when you're not here, what do you expect. He is also really open and a lot more vulnerable when he's in a relationship with you and will tell you everything that goes through his head and he's expecting you to do the same.

- Because he tells you everything, you know most of his story and what he's gone through, so it's really hard for you to be upset by his actions because you know that you're the only thing keeping him stable and happy and because you love him you don't want to hurt him in anyway so you let him do whatever he wants.

- Hickeys, teeth marks, nails line, everything, this man is covering your body with his presence (with love only, of course) and he love to takes you out on dates after when you wear a pretty little outfit showing your "decorated" neck to the public, he feels a wicked sense of pride when the flirty waiter look at your neck and see big purple splotches everywhere, symbol that you're completely his and if you want to hide them he'll pout and will be slightly salty and look at you like "wHY ?!".

Me is done, have a great day everyone, especially admin, I hope that everything will turn out fot the better, I'm sending prayers and good energy towards you. ❤

Y'all see this...? All this? Me. Perfectly and canon me.

((...Dont be proud of it. And thank you honey!! So so so much!!!!!!!! Waaah thank you!!! I LOVED THIS. It is my new bible and Im rereading it forever!!!! I loved it! THANK YOU!!!!!!

[valkyrieofsmut]

I should be asleep but this haunts me. What head over heel romantic nervous like tropes so the skeletons usually do? I mean the whole "i can't stop staring at your lips when you talk ." Or "You smile and my brain short circuits." Or "I am usually really smooth but when you come around I get tongue tied." Or "I cant stop blushing when you're around" or "I talk a mile a minute" and etc etc I hope I worded this right

I JUST REALIZED THAT THE WAY I WANTED TO ASK THE LAST QUESTION WAS HOW ARE THE BOYS LIKE WHEN THEY'RE YEARNING FOR THE READER. I'm sorry im sleepy

I think what it boils down to is "what are the skeletons like when they have a crush?" If I'm reading it right. Yes?

Classic- When he has a crush on someone, he plays it cool. He’ll be all buddy buddy with them, and very cheeky/ punny, throwing out humor, but none of this is really different than being really close friends with him- except the staring. In a situation of watching tv and hanging out; friends- joke, watching the show... joke about the show... laughing and watching the show with stupid commentary. Crush- joke, pretending to watch the show, steeling glances at them from the side of his socket. Joke about the show, laughing... watching them out of the corner of his sockets. Joke about the show, maybe a friendly bat with a pillow or soft food item like popcorn... It turns into an all out rough house, tickling, flailing, trying to escape, knocking each other over... whatever he can do to get close to them without it being obvious.

Creampuff- It is really hard to tell when this boy has a crush! And also not at all. He will be more excitable than usual, though he’s pretty excitable already, and he gushes about them, more than he does his friends, which is still quite a bit. It would look a little something like; friend- THAT PERSON IS AMAZING! THEY’RE MY FRIEND! THEY’RE ALWAYS DOING AMAZING THINGS, AND WE DO THEM TOGETHER, TOO! or crush- CAN YOU BELIEVE HOW WONDERFUL THEY ARE? THEY’RE AS GREAT AS ME! I HOPE WE GET TO SPEND MORE TIME TOGETHER, SOON! NYEH HEH HEH HEH!!

Red- Strangely, it’s hard to tell when he has a crush, unless you start looking for patterns. He flirts with everyone, and tries to get into anyone’s pants, casually. Friend- heh, nice shirt. it’d look better on my floor. Enemy- heh, if ya wanted me ta fuck ya up, ya coulda jus’ took off yer pants and bent over! Crush- hey, doll, nice haircut, it’ll look better after ya roll around in bed wit me. The patterns are what gives it away. He’ll fluster someone he’s good friends with, or even strangers if he’s feeling it, he’ll also just hit on them and proposition a one off with them. If they say yes, he’ll either tell them he was joking (if he’s just messing around) or they’ll go to it. If he likes what they’ve got, he’ll come back around, play a bit of game, and get another round if they’re agreeable. The next time, less game, and so on until it’s just, “hey, feelin’ horny. wanna fuck?” With a crush, when he jokingly offers a night together, if they say yes, he’ll get flustered, instead. “i- i mean- i was kiddin’, but if ya wanna-!” The second time he comes around, more game, more flirting, like he’s working them up to ask them for the first time again. The third time is like that, too, and so on, and so on, until their relationship changes. And then it’s just a cute little lean over and nuzzle to their neck and a soft, “hey, sweetheart, i got an idea... wanna go do somethin’ fun?” They’re also the only one he doesn’t talk about at all. He doesn’t generally boast about his conquests, but he’ll mention something if some asks about things he’s done, or needs advice. But his crush? He may admit that they’ve been together... but not much more than that.

Edge- One word- tsundere. He for some reason always ends up having to be in the same place that his crush is. “IT’S NOT LIKE I’M HERE BECAUSE YOU ARE! I JUST ALSO HAPPEN TO NEED TO DO LAUNDRY TODAY!” He also has a tendency to do things for them because of their “incompetence”; “JUST LET ME DO IT- IT’LL BE DONE FASTER!” Somehow, this mess of a boy can manage to be super abrasive, but also super sweet at the same time. And the glare when he’s trying to hide a blush... pretty cute...

Blue- The most noticeable thing? He’s quiet. And very talkative. In shifts. It’ll make your head spin! “I REALLY LIKE THIS ONE SHOW THAT’S ABOUT THIS HERO WHO CAME TO EARTH AND WAS CONFUSED ABOUT THE CUSTOMS HERE- I RELATE TO THAT A LOT SINCE IT’S SO DIFFERENT FROM MY HOME- AND THEN HE HAS TO DEFEAT THE BAD GUY AND HE HAS THIS PERSON HELPING HIM THAT IS REALLY COOL AND HAS NO POWERS BUT A LOT OF SKILLS, AND WE SHOULD WATCH IT TOGETHER SOME TIME! WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE SHOW?” *silence as he listens intently* He also stares a bit (a lot), and is silent while they just relax together. He’s also somehow made them believe that he’s just a super cuddly skeleton! He wants all those cuddles! ... so he can practice what makes them comfortable, and when they’re all comfy laying there one day, he plans to smoothly nuzzle them, and say, “You Know, We Do A Lot Of Cuddling For Just Friends... Do You Like Cuddling Me? ... I Like Cuddling You, Too... Maybe We Should Do More Than Just Friendship Cuddling... Maybe... I Could Kiss You, And We Could Work From There?”

Stretch- He might be the hardest to know. He has that thing where he doesn’t really like someone, but somehow, he still ends up being nice to them...? what the fuck... god damn it... i meant to tell you to go eat dick, not that your shoes are nice... hell... And the emotions that show on him the easiest are amusement and irritation. So he could hate someone and be laughing at their misfortune, but they think he’s just sharing friendly comradery. The easiest way to tell if he likes someone is if he actually spends time with them, not just, he happens to be in the same room and they’re both watching tv, but, he actually meant to find them and sit down to watch the show with them. Maybe share some snacks.

Black- For some reason, it seems like he’s always just trying to control some people, but... he’s really just trying to be friendly and spend time with them... It’s just a bit awkward when you don’t know how to people in a society where you don’t have to pretend to hate everyone, or be sucking up to them or that you're more forceful/ powerful than them. Back home a conversation between him and Alphys might go, “ARE YOU GOING TO COME EAT LUNCH WITH ME, OR GET WEAK AND DIE?” (want to eat lunch together?) “Fuck off, I’m doin’ other shit.” (can’t, have to finish this work/ bullshit) “OH, GOOD, GO EAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND’S TWAT, THEN!” (fine, be like that (friendly)) Nice, friendly conversation! But he’s lost here, and when trying to show affection, he’s just so caught up on how much danger it will put on those he loves/ wants to love, so he tries to protect them by making it seem like he’s big and tough, and forcing them to hang out with him- so that his enemies don’t hurt them.

Mutt- He cuddles them. He becomes super cuddly. But he's from the same world as Black where any affection puts a target on their back, so, by being super cuddly, he's basically taunting everyone else, telling them that he's not afraid of them, and he can take out anyone who tries anything, he won't even have to let go of his crush. Come on, bitch, I dare you to try, with a dash of, the second you get too close, you're dead, and a whole lot of, this person is mine. They're mine. Mine! Mine mine mine! Touch them and die. He actually loves that due to the cultural differences, his crush thinks he just wants to cuddle all the time, but he's actually being super territorial and getting his scent all over them so there's no mistaking it. They are his, and anyone who challenges that will be at the wrong end of a burst of overkill attacks.

Axe- Protecting. When he has a crush, he wants to make sure they don't get hurt, and will do whatever it takes to do so, including stalking like behavior, threatening those he thinks has put them in danger or maybe just done things he doesn't like, like make them uncomfortable.

Crooks/ Bun- He wants to be around them. He wants to spend lots of time with them, and take their wants and preferences into consideration. He'll stand up for them, do his best to find and give them things they like, and always try to defer to them. He's ace, so there's not a lot of making out, tension, that kind of thing, but there is lots of fond, friendly, loving cuddles.

Dusty- You won’t know. Hell, he won’t know. He’ll have no idea, just start the yandere insanity of, “i’m really obsessed with this person... i must be really wanting to kill them... i wonder why...” So... until about forever later, when he figures out that he doesn’t want to kill them, they should probably stay far away.

Ask Masterlist?

[dontjudgememp3]

i can't find all these emojis on my phone so...ALL EMOJIS LET'S GO DO ALL THE EMOJIS

oh lordt okay [lady gaga voice] here we go! (the rest of my answers are after the jump, woo!)

🐰 what is one secret that you’ve never told anyone? - i cant think of anything? i’m incapable of keeping shit to myself hashtag queen of venting

💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be? - well i wish i had a dog so i could hug them 

🐹 what are some of your favourite Pokémon and why? - squirtle because i identify strongly with those pictures of squirtle in sunglasses. also all of the hoenn region starts (torchic, mudkip and treecko) because they are beautiful brilliant angels and i love them

🌠 if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like? - well, first of all it would be legal to eat the rich so jot that down

👀 what was the most recent vivid dream that you had? - last night i had a dream that i went grocery shopping with zoe kravitz does that count

☀️ what do you like the most about your best friend? - i like that my best friend (@gryffinddor) doesnt judge me for my bad decisions and that she supported me even when i used to caption everything with ‘me gusta’ and ‘THIS^^’ (on the real shes just an all round brilliant and beautiful person aw)

😘 talk about your crush or partner - well i dont have a crush or a partner so, next!

💁 if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back? - you may be petty punk but being honest...im just as petty and would definitely be rude back

🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!) - oh jeez okay I like my eyes, I enjoy my own sense of humor and I enjoy being tall as heck

🐾 what are you scared of most? how will you overcome it? - i’m really scared of octop*s tbh and i guess i’ll try and overcome it by watching The Handmaiden a bunch

🎁 what never fails to make you happy? - bipharah.tumblr.com/tagged/rainy-days i stock it with good, joyful content 

💙 what annoys you about some people? - ignorance and being judgemental.

😤 do you get angry easily? - not really? I get frustrated but not outright angry

🐇 what do you always daydream about? - living my best Gay life

🌻 if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change? - the ignorance, the judgement and the general lack of compassion

🍓 send me 4 names: kiss, befriend, kill or marry? - ya didnt send me any names ya goof!

✈️ what is your dream city and why? - idk about dream cities but I really really want to go back to Paris. I love it there and wanna experience it as an adult

☕️ talk about your ideal day - i get to stay in bed and watch a bunch of netflix. my imaginary gf is real and next to me and there is a dog snoozin on ur feet

🌸 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert? - OH big introvert

💧 when was the last time you cried? - idk about a full blub but i genuinely teared up yesterday looking at the photos of yr dogs

🎵 name 5 songs you love at the moment - There’s Nothing Holding Me Back by Shawn Mendes, Down by Fifth Harmony, Sweater Weather by The Neighbourhood, Winter by Pvris and Bad 4 Us by Superfruit

⚡️ if you had any superpower, what would it be and why? - i’d be able to teleport. I just wanna visit all of my friends all of the time. like, I just want that to be easy

💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say? - no one cares that yr a wuhluhwuh ya big gaymo, dont worry about it

💚 who are you jealous of and why? - i’m jealous of people living fulfilling lives with loved ones and partners and careless attitudes. god i wish that were me.jpg

💎 which one would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? why? - bravery. i’m not an idiot, i don’t think i’m totally hideous, i’m not an asshole and i’m not struggling financially either. just wish i had a bit more courage to get shit done.

🙊 what are you ashamed of? - i’m ashamed of my lack of courage lmao. everything would be grand if i would just take more leaps and didn’t worry so often. it’s embarrassing 

🌺 which languages do you know? which do you want to learn? - I studied German for a bit so I know some of that but I’d like to be fluent. I also want to finish learning Korea and start learning Mandarin and Spanish

🍀 if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be? - i wanna be friends to lovers trope with fareeha amari please and thank you

☁️ talk about your dream universe. - whomst on earth has a dream universe, goodness gracious

💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today? - the day is nearly done but tomorrow i’m going to say some affirmations to myself. self-care is kindness am i right

🐬 if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why? - i would turn into an elephant. they live in a matriarchy and thats #goals

🍄 talk about someone/something you really dislike - the tories can eat shit. they were the first people that came to mind, so!

😣 talk about some things that have been making you depressed/angry/anxious lately - what doesnt make me anxious these days hahahahaahah, fuck.

🍪 what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now? - i wanted to be a writer. now that i’m a writer i want to be a better paid writer

🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods? - in this house we appreciate DOUGHNUTS

🍑 what are you obsessed with? - my current obsession is ovw. but i’ve been obsessed since launch so that ain’t new!

💘 what happens to you when you’re stressed? - one time i was so stressed that i started losing my hair so uh, that.

😪 what are you sick of? - me, self-sabotaging my own dam self!

🙀 are you an adrenaline seeker? - oh heck no

💥 what are some unpopular opinions that you have? - that wynonna earp is a good show, actually

☔️ would you consider yourself a good person? - yes, i think so.

😊 what do you like to do as hobbies? - does spending an exorbitant amount of time on tumblr count as a hobby 

🎤 what’s the last song you hummed or sang by yourself? - There’s Nothing Holding Me Back by Shawn Mendes bc I couldn’t remember what it was called

🐝 what’s your worst trait? how are you planning to improve it? - I’m not always so open about my thoughts, feelings and fears. I guess I’m improving it by just being more straightforward?

🎨 what do you always doodle when you’re bored? - i can’t draw for shit my dude, so I don’t doodle

🐻 what’s stopping you from chasing your dreams? - it’s the anxiety

🌷 what’s your mbti personality and why do you think it suits you? - intj. I have no idea if it suits me tbqh

🐶 send me 3 fictional people and I’ll choose my favourite! - okay well i can’t do this one

👑 who are your favourite celebrities and why? - normani kordei x 1000. because i love and appreciate her and she’s just good people

🐴 opinion on __? - can’t do this one either!

🍋 do you consider yourself an emotional person? - me, whomst cries at dogs? being emotional? its more likely than you think!

📚 share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them. - honestly i’m too lazy to go and find three books i’m sorry

😔 what do you always do when you feel sad? does it help? - focus too much on work/use my rainy days tag. and it works sometimes!

😌 what thoughts keep you going when you’re sad? - i remind myself that being sad is unproductive and try and shut that shit down

🌍 which country do you live in? - england

🐧 describe yourself in 3 words - tall, gay loser

🐵 which quotes changed you? - no quotes have changed me oops

💭 do you keep a diary? - no i do not

💫 who inspires you? - my mother

👻 do you believe in ghosts and why? - i refuse to answer this question because i don’t wanna get haunted

🎀 what’s your fashion sense like? - smart, preppy and includes a lot of blue

🎬 what are some of your favourite films? - Carol, The Handmaiden, Up, Imagine Me and You and White Chicks

🍦 what is one treasured childhood memory? - playing mario party 8 on a gamecube with my cousins i miss when we all had time for that

🐼 if you could meet anyone, who would it be and why? - i would meet normani and say thx for following me on twitter bbs

[foxoftheninetails]

Here go! Sorry if my handwriting is hard to read.

1. The cover, complete with scuffs.

2. When I visited the Vanu Vanu during the MSQs, I was so taken with their traditional greeting, it had to go into the journal. Nothing is more soothing to me than the rain.

3. The first entry, bloodied from my OCs injury. There is a spray of blood because whatever careless soul picked it up wasn't worried too much about saving the pages.

4. A Gridanian Great Maple leaf, picked up by my OC during one of his first hikes through our beloved Twelveswood.

5. Shortly after his injury, he meets a Viera in Costa del Sol who changes his life and encourages him to carry on following his dream. While resting back in Gridania, he draws the aetheryte as visible from a favorite spot near the inn.

6. The first trip to the Manderville Golden Saucer provided a rare opportunity for some relaxation, and the chance to win a simple souvenir: a tonberry card. Tonberry's happen to be one of my favorite monsters, another FFVIII influence.

7,8,9. The latest entry in the journal. A couple of friends, hearing of my OCs fascination with crystallized aetheryte, encouraged him to visit Mor China and see the site of the Calamity. He waxes poetic trying to explain the wonders he found there. I tried to make it so you can read the entry.

10. A sketch of Dalamud he makes, trying to contain the magnitude of a whole heavenly satellite brought to Eorzea in a simple sketch.

I am having so much fun with this project its hard to keep entries to one or two a week, otherwise it'll be full before I know it.

Let me know what you think, this is my first arts and crafts type project outside of making some friends into Pokemon cards.

You sly dog, you got me monologuing!

Why not?

So I've gotten back into FFXIV pretty hard since I tried it last year. A few friends really pushed me, and I'm enjoying it. Good story, good music. The combat still feels a little bit wonky, but I'm an old school FF player and this is my first MMORPG.

The best times are when my friends aren't busy and they can run dungeons with me, or we explore areas they've seen 100 times and as I explore this new place they tell me about it's history and memories they have of it.

The game is mindblowingly gorgeous. Every time I revisit Gridania and sneak back to my favorite perch at The Hawthorne Hut, I am entranced by the leaves flowing in the wind, the rain falling on a roof, or the ridiculous amount of stars shining in the night sky.

(I know, anyone who's played already knows this, sue me; I am sprout.)

A couple of weeks ago we ran the Alexander raids together, and it was an absolute joy to watch experts play and simultaneously nurture their adopted sprout. Yesterday we visited Ivalice, and I was able to fall in love with the FFT soundtrack all over again and see old friends.

The community has been extremely kind. When my friends are busy, or trying to find some peace for themselves (or hitting the new expansion hard!) and I am left to my own devices, I have come across almost universal support. New job class and running a dungeon for the first time? They'll give you tips, let you run at your own pace, and when you screw up? They pick you up, dust you off, and encourage you to try again.

An unintentional side effect of immersing myself in another FF universe is RP. And no, not ERP. Although that exists, I have not had an opportunity to explore it. (I'm 100x more shy in a video game than on Tumblr, go figure)

We go to a quiet bar, torment ourselves with exotic food that we don't get to eat and drinks that sound terrifying or delectable. Sometimes both. And we talk. We talk to each other, as our characters. Intricate backstories that span a whole game and four expansions, almost 1000 primary quests. These folks have spent years perfecting their characters story.

Now, I had no concept of how in depth this was when I walked into that bar. A simple question about where you're from can spawn conversations that run for hours, with everyone having an opinion on the country you're from. Just don't be Garlean. My first night, I was asked what I do for a living. I said adventurer, because that's a fairly typical answer. I was immediately swept under their wing, to be given tips on how to clear Copperbell more efficiently, what weapon I should be carrying, where to find the cheapest gear that will protect you and look good.

My god, the clothes in this game. Hundreds of articles for each portion of the body. There's a whole website dedicated to picking out the perfect outfit for your gunslinger or white mage.

The best trick? Have loving friends who send you the really sick Converse/Vans, despite your protests. When you push them for why? Because I wanted them. (For reference, decent boots run 30k gil on the market board, the Converse/Vans run 750k because the materials are hard to come by. Needless to say, I have run the last 28 levels wearing orange sneakers, and I look fucking good doing it.

So back to the RP, the original point of this post. Last week, I was sitting in the bar talking about places I wanted to visit (in character, I have already been there for the quests). Mor Dhona was mentioned, as it's the site of on of the most pivotal moments in the story: The Calamity.

When it was recommended to me, my character pulled out a worn leather journal and wrote it down. An innocuous but important detail, to make the immersion feel deeper. The journal was passed around, returned to me, and eventually put away. Not even a physical thing, it spurned a long conversation about the adventurer's life, and the trials they undergo.

Then, my brain said something to me a couple of days ago. What if the journal was real? Tangible, physical, something detailing my characters adventures as that happen, stuffed with "drawings" (my character can draw, I cannot. At all. I have an ink jet printer and an app that converts jpegs into very convincing sketches) and souvenirs from his adventure's?

Sounds a bit silly, but it would be an easy way for me to track the details of conversations, and giving me a little arts and crafts project, as a treat.

So I did it. I bought a (frankly overpriced) leather journal with a compass rose sewn onto the cover with black thread. Beautiful sturdy leather and crisp cream pages.

Then I set about bringing it half way to destroyed. A leather journal carried in the field, through the rain and rivers, into combat, through the snow and up mountains does not stay immaculate for long. My character has had the journal for about 4 months, so I needed to beat it up and give myself a head start. Scuff the leather, soften the edges, curl the whole thing so it never sits flat. Drip a little bit of sealing wax on the cover, put small punctures into the back and knicks out of the corners.

The pages? Some got the tea treatment, to try to age them. No dice, this damn modern paper is resistant to stains. Water stains are forthcoming, but I am an impatient being and already started writing in it. Then a revelation came to me.

I am an absolutely massive fan of FFVIII. Obsessed with it. I know the names of every song in the OST and where each song is used, I have the Lionheart necklace and ring, I have beaten Omega on multiple occasions for fun. Anyone who knows me know I am an FFVIII nerd, and I ain't sorry.

So when I was designing my character last year, the face has scar options. Well, what better choice than Squall's scar? I'll have some of that I said.

Well, my character is from a small, relatively peaceful fishing village. Where the hell did he get that ridiculous scar?! The first job he took, of course! But alas, he was carrying his journal with him when he was injured, and it seems it soaked up quite a bit of blood. Some recommended beet juice. I tried raspberry tea, cherry juice, pomegranate concentrate. Nothing. Oddly, the tea dyed the test page blue.

What time of the year is it? Halloween of course! So we buy some fake blood and I'll be damned if it doesn't look like the real thing. It stains the pages, and the rough parts of the leather.

Now, just 4 or 5 days later, it has a leaf from Gridania from the day my character arrived there, drawings of the aetheryte station, some of the people he's met along the way and some of the more impressive geographic features (the ones that coincidentally took my breath away), and even a Triple Triad card. There are plans to visit the Sea of Clouds and meet the Vanu Vanu, so we'll be tucking a feather into the pages. So many other things await.

This has become a (probably for you, dear reader, painfully) long post about my current autistic obsession. I am particularly proud of this journal. While I was inspired by another persons comment, the execution was all mine. So, having gotten to the bottom of this essay, either by scrolling or reading, I have but one question: Do you wanna see the journal?

edit: it will literally only take one person saying yes.