#i can't help but feel like everything will go wrong and we won't have queer joy

[little-cereal-draws]

ok i see everyone's "ballister and ambrosius as nimona's parents" stuff but i'm going to raise you this

Ballister and Dr. Blitzmeyer as nimona's parents

I know there's the Gay Dad au sanctifying ambrosis as nimona's dad but he seems to get frustrated with Nimona more frequently than Ballister and I kinda got the sense that adopting her was mostly Bal's choice. Don't get me wrong, ambrosius has moments where he enjoys himself and he loves her, but I don't think he's thrilled abt the idea of her being here forever. He gives "good at babysitting but needs to give the child back at a certain point" vibes and obviously he can't do that when it's his kid

However in the Everything Is Fine au (the one where they all live in the cabin in the woods) Blitzmeyer is Nimona's guardian and they move from the city to the woods together, eventually moving in w Bal and Ambrosius.

Besides this au I don't think Blitzmeyer and Nimona ever interact, but I thought it was very interesting how the one time they do, she's also Nimona's guardian (I believe that's the word ND Stevenson uses, not "parent.") Already in this one picture, they look happier than Ambrosius did lol

I'm sure movie ambrosius would be much more willing to try and get to know nimona but what if the sticking point is with her this time? She can't get over what he did to both her and Bal, he reminds her too much of Gloreth, she's still wary of anyone that was that ingrained in the institute, and a million other things. She knows he's really trying and feels bad about everything but bc of all she's been through, she's not quick to trust people who betrayed her. Especially if she's only had bad interactions with them until this point. She avoids/shuts down his attempts to connect with her and is generally closed off and angry when he's there. It's like a kid hating their new stepparent lol Both Bal and Ambrosius know it's nothing personal, just the defense mechanism that's kept her safe from people like ambrosius for so long, but it still hurts. Eventually, he gives up trying to reach out to her and figures maybe she'll come to him or maybe they just won't be as close as he hoped.

Now, Bal's weird science friend is someone more Nimona's speed lol Blitzmeyer has somehow remained almost completely immune to institute propaganda, doesn't really care abt breaking things (the law included) if it can further her work in some way, and is just kooky enough to appeal to Nimona. She lets nimona help in the lab and doesn't mind the million questions she asks because that's just another opportunity to talk abt her work. They go on some adventures getting stuff for Blitzmeyer's experiments and really bond. Eventually they become pretty close and Nimona frequently goes out of her way to see Blitzmeyer.

One night late in the lab, Bal mentions that Nimona really likes her and Dr Blitzmeyer is like "really? no, not that much." And Bal's like "no, really that much. About as much as she likes me actually." And then with creeping awareness they both slowly look at each other with the realization that they're co-parenting now and actually have been for a while. After the initial freak out, they keep going almost like normal but throw in an outing every other month or so. They'll take Nimona for ice cream or some other casual thing and she's none the wiser that they've figured her out. One night as they were coming home from a movie or smth Nimona says, "I'm so glad we did this, I love spending time with my two favorite people." Nimona keeps walking but they have to stop to silently freak out to each other a bit lol

The only problem is that they frequently get mistaken for a nuclear family on these outings. And it doesn't help that Bal and Blitzmeyer often refer to each other as "my partner." (They open a lab together at the end of the comic and I think they would as well after the movie, so they are literally business partners and lab partners. But I like to hc them in a queer platonic relationship as well, so the word "partner" has a double meaning here. Ambrosius is Bal's romantic partner and Blitzmeyer is his platonic partner. They all talked abt it, it's all good.) Every time this happens though, Bal has to explain that they're just friends and he actually has a husband back at home. Some people go "ok, 'just friends,' sure. wink wink nudge nudge ;)" or "ok... does your husband know...? That you... and her...? ok, ok." It makes Bal angry when this happens but neither him or Blitzmeyer cares enough to actually do anything about it. Nimona just laughs at the stranger's confusion at their unconventional family.

Anyway, they're just two friends who somehow found themselves raising a 1000 year old shapeshifter together lol Ambrosius is disappointed Nimona didn't like him as much as he hoped but now he can just stay home and vibe lol

[freddie-77-ao3]

Gonna use the ask box for this 🙃 ask 1/? (I have so many questions, though you have answered so many already)

What are your thoughts on Trials of Apollo, and the characters?

go ahead and keep asking!!! i love your questions!!

ANYWAY

gonna start smaller with characters:

lavinia: the jewish thing wasn't handled completely correctly (just a couple of small things there) but overall 10/10 character. i think she's hilarious and her official artwork ROCKS.

meg: i love her. she seems a little immature for twelve years old TO ME but i also had a... rather abnormal upbringing so that might explain the differences. overall she was a great character and i LOVE the demeter rep (my thoughts on how riordan treated demeter take five pages to clarify so-- basically) love seeing it-- demeter was a kronide and her kids should be treated as such! great character development. peaches was also hilarious (as was crotch-kicker mccaffrey)

lester: calling him lester to separate between godly apollo and post toa apollo. again, fantastic character development. he's so fucking funny. like he does some really dumb stuff at the start of the series (swearing to not use a musical instrument and stuff?? LESTER MAN CMON) his and meg's relationship is so sweet-- and kayla and austin with him? chefs kiss. love apollo kids getting some time with their dad.

jason: absolutely got fridged. i've already touched on my suicide theory so i won't go into that here but basically i think we shoulda seen jason similar to percy (very minor, doing his own thing behind the scenes) but alas.

piper: the shel thing was a bit sudden. don't get me wrong, i'm ALL for queer rep (i think there should be more of it in the books actually) but-- going straight from breaking up with jason to jason sacrificing himself for her to a relationship seems really unhealthy. i think she should have a chance to grow outside of a relationship.

reyna: joining the hunt was a bad end for her. since when was that an ambition of hers? she seemed genuinely happy in new rome and called it her home multiple times in HoO and going from that to the hunt? idk seems like rick doesn't know how to write characters NOT be in a relationship (piper, reyna, leo... they all get squared away)

leo: oh leo baby he didn't get to see jason before he died??? so heartbreaking. didn't belong in a relationship with calypso. the punching thing was weird when he came back to camp-- esp with a character who has a history of physical abuse

frank: i love the frank deciding his own fate thing but also idk seems like a cop out.

hazel: shouldn't have just become praetor i mean cmon. i love her but she's what, 14 now? no way.

Nico: FINALLY ONE OF THE CHARACTERS CANONICALLY GETS THERAPY. the doctors note is--

will: solangelo flirting is hilarious 10/10. "do you want to be my buddy?" "significant annoyance" i can't breathe. also poor will for putting up with apollo in the hidden oracle because i could not help my dad learn how to use the toilet i'm sorry but that shit is crazy.

malcolm: why is malcolm going to battle without pants on so funny to me i just-- 10/10 i love him.

connor: such a dumbass. the hair grafts 😭. i feel bad that travis isn't there and then communication lines go down like oh buddy :(

cecil: see me RUNNING with the knowledge cecil can cook

other small stuff:

love the waystation, always been my personal hc that there's more than just that one but that's for another post.

percabeth finally making it to college!!!

speaking of which AT WHAT TIME DID TRAVIS AND CLARISSE FILL OUT COLLEGE APPS THEY WERE AT WAR???? WHAT DO THEIR OFFICIAL TRANSCRIPTS LOOK LIKE???

the jackson-blofis family warms my heart <3

thoughts on the series as a whole?

i love it. definitely top three riordan series (tied with pjo and mcga)

i like that (like mcga) toa was more mature? like we finally see demigods with ptsd, we get queer characters, just... everything

[bethelctpride]

Lots of terrible bullshit going on and it feels like you can't do things to help queer folk in other parts of the country.

And by and large, you're right. You, random person in safe spot, can't do much about politician in unsafe spot. They don't give a shit about their own constituents, you rate even lower. You can howl and rail from afar and it does nothing but tire you out.

This does not mean do nothing.

DO provide aid to queer orgs in those states that ask for help. But provide the help they ask for. Provide what's asked for, if able. If you can't provide that help, there are others that can. Put your savior complex away.

Drop your own congressman and senators a brief note about it. Let them go lean on those guys way over there. That's their job. Occasionally check in to tell them what you support/oppose but otherwise, your job dealing with something far out of your reach, is done.

Now look at your own home. Not even the state, just your town. You have lots of power there to move both politicians, bureaucracies, and local businesses, even if it doesn't always feel like it.

You have the power to become the local "oh shit, it's them" for local politicians.

"But everything's fine here!"

Is it? Is it really? Or is it just for you? Or is it just okay in comparison to the shitshow elsewhere?

It's probably just Okay for you. Spend the time, energy, and money you have making it BETTER. Yes, this helps you and your local folks, but it also helps the people in those more distant places you have no power over because it provides the counter example.

So many of these current laws are driven by "but if Moral Panic Thing happens we'll have Terrible Disaster!" Nah. Make that Thing happen. Expose the lie. Oh no, we let queer people live their life, and society didn't end!

Take away the fascist lie that the past was better and there is no future and that "we can't do that." Do it. Make it happen. Even if it's small steps. Make those small steps so they just become second nature. This become reality. Make that reality so attractive, so normal, that it is easier to make the future better than it is to fight for a fantasy of the past.

But what to DO?

We recently had a long term planning charette here I got invited to on the future of the town and they also invited a few current high school students. (excellent job, a+ for planning office!) This is long term plan so most of their concerns won't be addressed 'til they graduated, but one thing they said was a "we can fix this NOW" thing I got on the first selectman's ass about. There is a men's and women's golf team. But the women's golf team could only practice one day a week because the place they went to only allowed women in one day a week (which they can still do, as a private club). And I got on him about it of "a public school should not give a private institution money to discriminate against students." Is the problem fully resolved yet? TBD next school year!

But that's the kind of small fight you can personally win. Long term, that fixes a title IX violation. A place that was getting money for discriminating no longer will. A bunch of students that were experience entrenched gender based discrimination, won't anymore. and an adult finally LISTENED to them about the system being wrong and went "yeah, you're right. let's fix it."

Did it solve everything else going on? No. But it's true that "many hands make light work". Small wins build. Pick a thing to fight for locally. If you can't go in person to annoy your town government, send letters to the various boards about what you care about. They have to enter them into official record. Sometimes they'll also read them aloud during meetings. But it gets on the record that someone said something. (if you have a local paper, you can write letters to the editor as well)

If you're utterly overwhelmed about where to start to make things better, go to your local Planning & Zoning or Housing Authority meetings. Go to the big planning meetings for Plan of Development. And you fight for better, denser, more affordable housing.

But that's not a queer issue.

The hell it isn't. How often is that the reason cited that people have to stay with family that hurts them, stay closeted, or a stay in a state trying to kill them? "I can't afford to move." So many of the people who are unhoused are queer folks.

Go fight for that, where you live. Tell people "yes, I want THOSE neighbors". Go say YES to the low income housing. Say yes to the assisted living. Say yes to the group home.

This does not mean support, uncritically. You can still say yes to things and critique how it's implemented. I went to support a new apartment block on my own street, but opposed the proposed layout because it put the driveway directly in a blind curve. Apartments have now been built... but the driveway is no longer a dangerous deathtrap.

Those small wins pile up and surprise, you arrive as a better future! Things get better because people added the little bit they could, even if it seemed like nothing compared to others efforts.

[spookyc]

Having watched Nimona recently, I feel it's important for me, as a trans person, to discuss a certain criticism I've seen regarding the movie. A criticism I take great issue with, and one that I think needs to be addressed. And that is the supposed issue of Nimona being "too blatant" about its queerness, that its message is "ham-fisted" in nature. And that bothers me. It bothers me that people think that something that is blatant is inherently bad. It bothers me that people think its message is ham-fisted simply because you don't have to go searching for it. Something being obvious isn't inherently negative and I'm tired of that sentiment being thrown around like it's fact. Because subtlety isn't an inherent good either, neither are good or bad entirely. And frankly, when it comes to queerness in media, the only way it will have an impact is if it's blatant. Especially regarding transness.

Because, if you'll allow me to be completely blunt and candid, we don't live in a society where subtle queerness can be appreciated. We live in a society that wants people like me eradicated for simply existing. Laws are being passed continously that discriminate against us and prevent us from living comfortably. We live in a world rn where we either have to suffer in silence or fucking die. That is the reality trans people live in. So if those that hate us are given any indication that they can disregard us, ignore us, pretend we don't exist, they will take that opportunity everytime. We've seen this with Across the Spiderverse, where even trans flags and trans colors splashed across Gwen will still lead to people denying her transness.

Because at the end of the day, Spiderverse is still about Miles Morales, and it's still about Spiderman, and Spiderman's story isn't inherently queer. So they'll make every excuse to ignore Gwen's transness, or they'll simply ignore her story to focus on the rest of what ATSV has to offer. Ultimately, it can still be overlooked and enjoyed without acknowledging that aspect. But that isn't the case for Nimona. Nimona is a queer story with queer themes and queer characters, queerness is baked into the very core of what Nimona is. To not acknowledge those aspects is to blatantly misinterpret the movie, you cannot divorce Nimona from being gay, and trans, and nonbinary, and genderfluid and everything that falls in between. It is blatant, and really, I think that's what we need rn. We need something so unapolegetically queer that people can't ignore it, they can't disregard it, and they can't look away from it. Because then that means they have to acknowledge us, that they can't wipe us out, that we are here and we are loud and we WILL make our voices known. Being quiet helps no one, but being loud is what inspires change, it's what makes people uncomfortable, and I say we make them as uncomfortable as possible.

For every bigot that wants us dead, that thinks we're monsters and unfit for society, you will have the bigots who understand that they're wrong. You will have the bigots who change the way they see us, and might even recognize how harmful they were being. You don't get that by keeping your head down and hinting towards a vague metaphor that a character might be trans, because with how things are right now, it won't be enough to make an impact. You do that by making a metaphor so obvious it bypasses subtext and becomes the text, you do that by having characters like Nimona, who simply wish to exist without everyone pestering her about who she is, she's Nimona, and that's the only answer she or anyone should have to give. You do that by intiating a rallying cry, to inspire trans people, kids or otherwise, and to state plain and clearly that we see you, and that you aren't alone.

So yeah Nimona is very blatant in its queerness, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

[frogofalltime]

25.02.2024

ough. this day was so hard. i debated even writing this, but i think keeping a daily diary has been helping me process stuff, so i'm sticking with it.

i got up around 10am and ate breakfast. i was procrastinating washing my dishes and getting dressed, when i received a sudden message from my mother.

it was extremely long, basically an essay. she had found out through her sister that i've been identifying as trans. and she was extremely upset. i won't go into details because it's very transphobic and probably triggering for anyone to read. but yea. it hurt a lot. probably more than anything else she's said in the last year.

then she called me and when i picked it up she was just sobbing into the phone. i had no idea what to say or do. she kept asking me why, saying it didn't make sense, that i was and always will be a girl. she was so happy that she had a daughter and now she feels like she's lost me. she said she doesn't know me anymore, the way i dress isn't "me", and i am making myself look ugly and trying to be something that isn't real. she said i have stepped away from islam by surrounding myself with queer non muslims who are pulling me away from the right path, and i had rejected God's guidance. that made me cry too.

i tried to explain that these things aren't black or white. my therapist told me that growing up and figuring out who you are involves trying different things and seeing if they fit or not. so when i was younger i tried to cure my gender dysphoria by presenting femininely, since i thought it was the best option i had, but it didn't fit. so now im trying the opposite, and it does feel a lot better. but she said i am being so extreme, why can't i just be Me, why do i have to have a label or call myself a boy. and i had no idea how to answer that.

she told me i can't trust how i Feel, feelings are just feelings, so i have to have faith in God. like how she doesn't feel comfortable in hijab either, but she wears it anyway because she believes it's what is Right, and that where she will end up the next life is more important than how she feels in this one.

in the end she said she had no choice but to talk to my father about this, and i begged her not to. he is a million times more homophobic and transphobic than my mother so if he finds out it will be so much worse. she told me that he would definitely find out sooner or later if i don't change my ways. so i decided to remove the pronouns from my instagram bio, block even more people, and change the captions on some posts to appear less queer.

finally she put down the phone and i was left feeling Horrible. i messaged @etherealspacejelly and my best friend from school and my childhood best friend (who is also trans). it helped me to calm down a little, although i was still panicking very much.

eventually i managed to eat some lunch and get changed out of my pyjamas, because i couldn't stand being stuck in my room alone with my thoughts. i went to my friends' house at around 4pm and they asked what was wrong so i showed them my mother's message. they were sympathetic and supportive, but i still couldn't stop thinking about what she'd said. from her perspective, everything my friends and therapist and doctor etc tell me is wrong because they don't have islam as a guide. maybe she's right. i'm terrified.

to cheer me up my friends made sure i ate, and played some games with me. i did some sewing, and we watched my neighbour totoro which is one of my comfort movies, but i couldn't concentrate.

robin said i need to be more careful because things like this keep happening. and he's right, i should've stayed closeted, but it all feels so unfair. my friends can all explore their gender identities and sexualities and express themselves in different ways, so why can't i ??

i finally left the house at 1am, because i was so tired and robin had already gone to sleep so i couldn't stay the night. also they're burnt out at the moment, i didn't want to add to that with my own burdens, so i went home. i prayed, got into bed, and tried not to cry. i think i fell asleep around 2am.

i feel so alone. honestly, it looks like my only option is to detransition. i will just have to make the best of an awful situation and live as a woman forever. i see no future where my parents will accept me being trans. even if they disowned me i don't think i could live like that. and i am so scared because my mother is right. this is not compatible with islamic teachings. and i dont know how to reconcile any of it.

[allisluv]

Hey, hello! I hope you're having a good day. I'm here to request a Katniss fic if it's no problem.

So basically I saw you're writing for Peeta x reader based on The Alchemy by Taylor Swift and I was kinda hoping that you would do Katniss angst + smut to the song Guilty As Sin?

I was thinking when they're in 13 and Katniss is feeling, well basically depressed because of everything, and she meets reader who is one of the rebels from 10 and moved to 13 to help the rebellion. They meet while r is working with slaughtering animals (bc they're from 10 and they know how to bc that is the livestock district) and Katniss gets both interested and jealous because reader is able to live their life happily with all the blood around them and is like Katniss before The Games even tho they went through just as much and see a lot of gore. Anyways Katniss is interested along with jealous and starts getting closer and closer to reader and they eventually become friends. Then Haymitch and Coin notice that there's a spark between them and warn Katniss that she shouldn't date reader because it might disrupt the rebellion plus people might not like her as much if they find out she's queer.

And then one night Katniss can't sleep and she walks around a bit and when she hears footsteps she quickly hides into reader's room because she knows they won't snitch on her if she wakes them up. And while she's watching reader sleeping peacefully she just can't take it anymore and kisses them in their sleep (you can change this part a bit if you're feeling uncomfty) and reader wakes up and anyways they both stop fighting their feelings and give in but Katniss again remembers what Haymitch warned her of and she backs out slowly and reader asks her what's wrong, she tells them and then they're like "Don't listen to them, there's nothing wrong with this and we shouldn't keep this a secret" and then they say "What if the way you hold me is actually what's holly?" as in reference to Guilty as Sin? lmao.

Anyways sorry this is so long and I am hoping you like it, I haven't thought much about the ending but I would like to see what you write anyways I really appreciate you and your writing and I hope this is a fun one for you too pooks! 🫶

Also pls make is heavy with the angst, thanks!

ooooo anon i love this! im gonna add it to my wip list and i'm going to tweak it slightly to fit my boundaries but the main plot will stay the same! do you want reader to be a victor or just from district ten? <3

[ihatepeoplesomuchuwu]

As a POC, CSA survivor, and both trans & queer - Tom should've educated himself. He had no right to step his foot into racism that /he/ has not experienced. I've had a genuine brick thrown in my face because I spoke Spanish. /Because I spoke Spanish./

GaG is nothing /but/ hate, and it worries me that the "let's agree to disagree" mentality is being spread here. It's dangerous. It's scary to think you guys would still want to support a creator - who's fandom had poc and was mainly LGBT - who looked down upon us. It's common sense, that he did not have. I don't wish death threats upon anyone, and I am so terribly sorry he experienced that. But I am happy he is gone. Let him learn and actually research before he steps his foot into issues he does not belong in.

His fandom that he created felt betrayed, hurt, and as if we were used for money. I still do. I do not support him. The only support he deserves, is therapy and actual learning. Not babying and coddling. People need to realize that just because you have freedom to like something, doesn't free you of consequence and opinion. I hope he stays gone, in all respect. And I hope all of his supporters that "he did nothing wrong" also grow up and get help. Listen to POC, queer, jew, and disabled voices.

I am so so sorry you went through that. I won't pretend by saying I understand how you're feeling, but just know that I'm so sorry you went through/go through all of that. You are very strong, and I hope one day things do get better, not just for you but any and everyone who has gone through that.

As for the GaG agree to disagree subject. The agree to disagree thing was for the Tom situation in general, not only for the GaG. I have been talking about them because I'm trying to educate myself on who they are as people and only recently learned about their actions. I can't speak for all of us, but some of us are just here to discuss stuff. Not all of us are or will continue to support Tom. You have people who love lurking for love, still do but don't want to buy anything or continuing to follow Tom if he comes back. You have others who will. You have others who don't. We all understand that here, and we shouldn't be telling others what to do in their lives. We can disagree and move on, of course, but yelling and being rude only drives people away faster.

Why drive him away, though? I didn't even agree with everything he said, but why couldn't we have had a conversation with him about it instead of telling him what was wrong with what was said? People mess up all the time. It happens, and we shouldn't be screaming insults at someone who had his own opinions and side of the story. Both sides were handled poorly, and I still stand by that this should have been handled privately like adults.

I understand. A lot of people were hurt, and no one here is looking down on those who were hurt. This is meant to be a place where people can talk from both sides about what happened without getting insulted, It doesn't matter if I or anyone agrees or not. This is a safe place for those who don't know where to go when they can't feel welcomed or safe to say, even ONE opinion. You want to call it babying and coddling, then fine, No one is stopping you. But sometimes, all someone needs to understand is someone to just hold their hand and explain. Especially when Tom even asked for proof of the comic artist being a Nazi and only 1 person helped him. People sometimes just need help to understand or get the whole picture. My dad never understood being trans. He even said transphobic things to my face, but all It took was time and explaining, and now he defends anyone who is trans and even when I came out to him.

I can not add on the racism part because I have never experienced racism. I'm not going to even pretend I do because racism is an awful to see and I can't even imagine how it must feel to experience it first hand. I am so sorry that you have and I'm sorry to anyone who has as well.

With everything being said, I hope you have a wonderful day or night, anon, and please remember to hydrate as well, okay? ^^

[piwo-zero]

So I've recently accepted the fact that I'm aromantic, and I would like to talk about the process of it. I really hope this helps some of u to accept and love urself for being urself and also in process of searching ur identity:))

Accepting you are aromantic is hard. Like really, really hard. I've never really thought about romance when I was young and often said that I hate romance as a movie or a book genre. Then the moment when my friends started getting crushes came. And I was like. Not feeling anything. But I thought to myself that it's just not my time and that this moment will come for me later. And then high school started and I befriended this one guy (let's call him Paul) and swear to god I actually thought it was friendship (well it was from my side)!! But people around me asked me if me and Paul are dating so I started to question myself whethe I was or wasn't feeling sth romantic towards him. So we actually started dating and it was fucking awful. It was also the first time I've started asking my sexuality (I was like?? Am I a lesbian?? Or maybe asexual?? (I haven't heard about arospec yet)). Like I remember how awful holding hands and him hugging me felt. And we kissed like once? And I despised it. So yeah. It lasted 3 weeks and I ended it.

I came out as pansexual few months after that. It never really felt right and I had wordsl asexual somewhere in the back of my mind. I was reading so much smut fanfiction and had a lot of fictional crushes at the time so I thought to myself that I can't be ace. I tried to act as a alloromantic. I tried to force myself to have crushes on people. I went on dates couple of times. It never worked out and felt wrong.

My dating experience always went like this:

I choose sb aesthetically pleasing/with the same humour/interests as me

I try to flirt with them

we go on a date(s)

I'm grossed out by hands touching, kisses etc but force myself to do it bc it's what society demands

I start to question what exactly is the difference between them and my friends

I tell them it won't work out

we go our separate ways

I was acting like this for three years, during wich I learned about arospec and also started working on my mental health. However admitting to myself that romantic relationships may not be for me was really hard. Actually it was so hard that I convinced myself that I'm like that because of my issues with mental health and past trauma (I struggle a lot with abandonment). And then I watched Good Will Hunting and related to the main character a lot and was like well I should stop running away from intimacy and commitment. So I forced myself to start relationship with this one guy (let's call him Adam). He actually was really understanding about boundaries and everything but I still forced myself to do romantic-relationship-connected things with him. We were together for like a month but our like talking & going on dates stage was a few months long. I remember thinking to myself sth along the lines of "You can be in relationship, see? So you are normal after all." It was like me being able to form romantic relationship was connected to my worth as a person. But dating him felt weird and uncomfortable. So me and Adam broke up but this time I actually came out as aroace lesbian.

I'm happy in my identity now and I think I'm going to form some kind of queer undefined non-romantic relationship in the future, if I find someone who understands me. I'm happy as an aroace autistic agender lesbian and just don't care anymore about amatonormativity bullshit.

[sea-buns]

Pride PSA

I know we're nearing the end of pride month so it's a bit late for this, but I had a 3am reflection on my coming out that I hope can be helpful for the queer youths of tumblr.

If you are not 200% sure that your parent, or guardian, or whoever you live with is gonna be chill with who you are do NOT risk it. Seriously. There is no room for "its probably fine" or "I'm pretty sure". If you can't say for absolute certain that there won't be backlash, then I plead with you to stay closeted until you know for a fact you are safe.

I knowww pride month gets us so excited and we see other people celebrating and we wanna join in. Trust me, I know. Especially if it's an impulse thing. Or you're tired of how suffocating it can feel to have to stifle yourself all the time. Or you're so pissed at the homophobic comments that get thrown around at the dinner table, you just wanna do something to spite it all. I've been there, I am there, I get you.

But having been someone who'd read and heard so many stories of coming outs going terribly, and thought "well that kinda thing will never to happen to me"

...ha ha spoiler alert I was incredibly WRONG

Sometimes your loved ones may seem chill and it gives you a false sense of security. Which really just fuels the impulse decisions.

I was completely isolated from everyone and everything for years. Any trace of me online before then was forcibly erased. I'm stuck mourning the loss of friends I never even knew I'd never speak to again, and the formative teenage experiences that I grew up anticipating but now will never know. This is just the TLDR, you guys. Though I'm an adult, I still live at home for many internal and external reasons, and I've only recently been able to very slowly integrate myself back onto the internet.

I feel grateful that I wasn't thrown out of my house. It may have come to that if I didn't back down claim straight out of fear. Those should never be sentences that anyone, of any age, can relate to. And it is for sure not the standard you should be holding people to. If that's where your bar is RAISE IT. Don't let me catch you with that bullshit.

I'm walking into this post fully expecting for some people to read it, think the same shit I did, and then make the same mistake. Unfortunately, it can be hard to grasp statistics without a physical form to hold in your hands. Even if you're the kinda person who cries at other people's stories, it is so freakishly easy to forget the fear when you see slightest glint that maybe it'll be okay.

It feels wrong to tell you not to hope. But it feels far worse to have the rug pulled out from under you.

I'm not saying to never hope at all. You will find people who love you and accept you. That's a hard fucking truth. It's going to happen. One day, you're gonna meet someone, like you, who lights up your whole world and it's gonna be amazing. Hold out hope for them, I promise you it's worth it.

Bottom line is, I'm hoping this sticks with somebody. I'm hoping I've caught you before the jump, and you've been able to earnestly consider what I've said before taking that leap of faith. There is nothing wrong with staying in the closet. Pride month is not "coming out month".

All I ask is that you prioritize your safety and well-being above all else.

Happy Pride <3

[yourleastfavoritetran]

We need 150000 Fred Hamptons simultaneously doing everything they can to organize revolutions in America. Socialism is the alternative to barbarism and this has been proven to us in the 15 years. The barbarians are gaining international prominence across the world. WE need to put aside our problems. I'm sorry. Yes the real problems. Yes let aside some misogyny in the interests of having more people on our side, be forgiving to those already on our side and they'll be forgiving when you say things that are "too radical for them". Electoral politics are ineffective and abysmal so don't fight for a candidate or a president or anything like that rather you should fight directly, demand things directly. Lead marches and rallies. Give angry speeches. MEMORIZE YOUR FUCKING SPEECH DO YOU KNOW HOW DUMB YOU PEOPLE LOOK AT PROTESTS READING OFF YOUR PHONE. ESPECIALLY IF YOU"RE READING OFF THE FUCKING CHANT FOR A PROTEST CROWD LIKE YOU HAD 5 THINGS TO MEMORIZE AND YOU JUST DIDN'T PUT IN THE EFFORT WHY AM I HERE.

In my experience one of the best things you can do if you want to get better at actuating change is to either get rid of your phone or get rid of any social media on it for a while. Looking at social media on a computer makes you feel like an asshole so you're likely to do it. I got rid of it permanently because I'm just not the type that would do good with social media at all I just get sucked in and can't stop. so nowadays I just stay away from it and it works for me. I post and scroll on tumblr and try and comment "bestie" on everything @charlott2n posts and other than that I spend my time getting angrier doing crimes putting up new graffiti and tags and trying to do anything in my power to help people see this light. Here's a few things you can do:

you gotta be a cool person. go party every weekend. hang out with others. If you get too much in your echochamber you forget how to talk like a normal person. Everything becomes queers being frustrated trump is in office and nothing gets done. If you only go to gay bars go to the coolest straight bar in town. If you stay in usually ask your friends if they wanna meet you out.

Go places alone. You're never gonna talk to anyone if you bring someone you know. You know this. you are not the type. You will sit like a wallflower having a great time making fun of the situations that others find themselves in. Get used to talking to strangers and holding conversations. Learn more about what people like and talk to them about socialism.

be understanding with people even if they say really dumb shit. A lot of people are under the impression that "ignorance" always manifests in these microaggressions but usually ignorance leads you to believe wholeheartedly in the wrong thing. Trumpers are, as a rule, ignorant. Even if they're a billionaire. They think this will lead to something good for them because they don't know any better. And if you've ever worked with kids, you know no matter how hard they hit you, you just aren't allowed to hit back. Instead, continuing to be nice (jesuslike if you will) can cut through ignorance, especially it can cause a strong enough cognitive dissonance between the woke scold in their mind and the cool person who everyone loves that you are.

Talk shit about the ignorant people behind their back. People who are less ignorant are usually more emotionally developed and therefore don't have dumb outbursts that they are too hardheaded to change their mind on. When you're at the gay bar and you know that everyone at the table won't snitch you out you talk some smack about this asshole you had to talk down from saying that women deserve the death sentence for dating someone in another race and everyone will like it because those stories are entertaining. It also helps your peers see the way that having more of a "stoic debate" than an "argument" can genuinely change people's minds.

Write, memorize, practice, and deliver speeches to large crowds. You've got the base, they wanna hear what you've gotta say. Good propaganda speeches go one way in my opinion. Wear something fucking hot. Identify a problem in society that everyone is having, identify the ways that problem affects people's daily lives. Identify the way things should be and give a call to action. If you want them to march, then you march, if other do other.

Never end your own protest. Let the crowd tell you when it's over, whether it's because of cops or because of cars or anything else. Keep going into the night. It's not a chuck e cheese party, you need to actually stay out. You can even afterparty a protest if just like half to 3/4 of the crowd leaves by midnight, you're basically just a big drinking group and gay bars are sure to be emptying and prepping for last call. Grab some drinks and talk to the staff about unionizing. When the bar closes start committing crimes like a gang of hooligans.

Be a vagrant, loiterer, vandal, public drunk, smoker, queer, dirty, scummy. Every once in a while, with your own base. This will help you show people a little bit of the color in your face. How are you supposed to trust a guy who tells you to vandalize but won't do it themselves.

Strategize in the morning. Go over what worked and what didn't. Choose a new venue for the next time. Get a donation pool for party arms. Have notes from conversations, things people want. People know the US elections are rigged so your revolution is their best bet, seeing you write down the thing they just complained about and say "good idea" feels amazing.

These are things that need to happen, you don't necessarily need to be the one to do them, but you might as well be.

[sammyluvr]

Ok so, I'm 16 and my mum is planning to send me to what is essentially a conversion camp this coming autumn. I literally don't know what I did wrong or what to do. Apparently this is about me just disrespecting her but I've always noticed her subtle yet obvious digs at queers. She says she accepts me and doesn't care overall but when I told her I was bi her immediate reaction was to refer to a bi friend of hers that married a man and told me "You'll end up making the right choice. Just like she did." And it just breaks my heart because I try to be the best daughter I can be for her and it never feels like enough. Another thing she recently did was refer to a gay man as "broken", seeing it as a flaw and I can feel my heart crack a little more than it already has been. The camp is Christian and I've seen videos and it just seems like a fucking laugh directed towards me. Like I'm going to come back a bible thumping straight conservative woman like she wants me to be but I'm so far from that I think. I don't believe in God- I've come to my own understanding of the world yet of course I haven't told her that. It just feels utterly heartbreaking and I feel like bawling my eyes out like a kid but I'm not a kid anymore and I have to be stronger than this otherwise I'm just a queer crybaby and not an actual person who deserves respect just as much as the next. I know it must be pretty stupid to be ranting ab this to a stranger online but I think I can atleast get some sort of comfort ig from you but idk. I don't know any other queer people in my life and you're the only person I can really talk to. I'm not asking you to save me or come up with a solution. I'm just asking you to try virtually hold my hand through this, I guess. I love your work and hope everything goes great with uni <3

hi honey :(( i can't tell you how sorry i am that this is happening to you, but i promise i absolutely will be here to hold your hand through it all. i'm really glad that you felt like you could reach out to me and that you sent this message <33 it is utterly heartbreaking and if i were you, i'd be wanting to cry too, which you are more than allowed to do. crying is a 100% normal reaction to something so horrible :(( and you are so respected in this space. it's definitely not stupid to send this message and i'm so sorry you don't have a community around you in person, but i'm glad that i could be here as a fellow queer person to talk to.

i'm so sorry that your mom isn't truly accepting and that she says things like that, hearing that sort of thing is just so so difficult. and the fact that she's sending you to this camp is just so so awful and i absolutely wish i could whisk you away from it and we could spend the fall doing gay shit together #begaydocrime !!!

and i'm unsure if it's any help, but i have 100% full confidence that you will make it to the other side of this camp with your personal understanding of the world and queerness intact, and maybe even stronger. that's not to say it won't be hard, because it will :(( you'll probably hear a lot of language used that's really exclusive and triggering and i'm not sure how far this camp goes, but i really hope that it's not as awful as it could be.

this is a really different experience than yours will be i'm sure, but i grew up mormon and went to church up until i was around your age/maybe a little older. idk if i ever really believed it and all that, but it wasn't until that last year or two that i knew i was queer (bi, i thought at the time + questioning my gender) and i was just constantly surrounded by this language that was completely contrary to my whole being. it was basically just "you will marry a man and have children because you are a woman" over and over again and i was like LOLLL none of those things are true :D so i stopped going and i look at me now i guess haha

but no, genuinely it was really difficult, and it took me a long time to get to where i am in terms of understanding and accepting my identity in terms of queerness. i'm still figuring shit out, honestly. and for such a long time i had so much internalized homophobia that was pounded into my brain "it's okay if other people are gay, but i'm not. and even if i was, i'd choose not to be :)))" who are you kidding babyboy... you're saying that bc you think you might be gay and you don't even know it smh lol. anyways i just want you to know you're not alone in experiencing this sort of language that's so insistently thrown at you and that i think it will help you to have the knowledge that you are bisexual and you have your own world views and you do not ever have to prescribe to what they tell you, and that's something to hold onto! hold on tight to your personal beliefs and your queerness with one hand, hold my hand tight with the other, and before you know it we'll be on the other side of things together.

you let me know if you need anything at all, and i will do everything i can to help you. i can say with pretty full confidence that there's so many people in my little tumblr community that are here to support you and help you through it all!! we will be unapologetically queer together on here, especially in ways we can't in our day to day life. i am sending you sooo so much love!! thank you for your kind words my sweets <3

[techsupportforsinners]

꒰ঌ·✦·໒꒱ intro and a couple extras! ꒰ঌ·✦·໒꒱

🌸🎐🍡 •☽────✧˖°˖☆˖°˖✧────☾•🍡🎐🌸

(this blog is for 18+ queer people only)

🏩 Welcome to the love hotel 🏩

I'm Tech. I'm masc NB, i use he/him. I'm 21 years old.

Don't suppress yourself when talking to me, if you wanna imagine me with a dick or a pussy or both, feel free to do so.

I'm non binary but i prefer being perceived and referred to as male, so call me and see me as a boy, a man, etc.

I like men, women, NB of any kind, anyone. As long as you're horny enough for me, I'm horny enough for you. I'm a versatile switch. If you want to visualize, I'm some average stereotypical emo boy lol.

🌸🎐🍡 •☽────✧˖°˖☆˖°˖✧────☾•🍡🎐🌸

my do not interact list is basic

no minors (if you have an ageless blog, I'll take the risk and assume you're an adult, but I'll block you if i find out or suspect you're not)

no terf or "dni (insert gender identity)" assholes

no kinkshaming

no zionist

no genshin players

For safety reasons: no cishet men, no cishet women. I won't be policing your labels or lack thereof, i just wanna feel safe. If you're worried about not knowing if you're allowed rather than angry for being excluded, you're most likely allowed so just get in and have fun

🌸🎐🍡 •☽────✧˖°˖☆˖°˖✧────☾•🍡🎐🌸

extra stuff below if you wanna know even more about me + a little FAQ answering common rude questions and sayings i received in a funny way.

🌸🎐🍡 •☽────✧˖°˖☆˖°˖✧────☾•🍡🎐🌸

I have some "problematic" kinks, but I obviously don't condone actual crimes. Having a kink for a thing is not supporting that same thing.

Some of my kinks are: butt spanking, degradation and humiliation, teratophilia (specially tentacles), CNC, oviposition, gangbang / public use / group sex, exhibitionism. List might grow because i don't remember all of my kinks right now.

stuff i personally don't like: extreme gore and suffering, scat, vore, force-feeding kink, forced feminization, detransition

🌸🎐🍡 •☽────✧˖°˖☆˖°˖✧────☾•🍡🎐🌸

FAQ based on previous personal experiences (list might grow in the future)

(warning beforehand that the answers might come across as a bit mean because i'm just really tired ngl)

"your kink triggers me"

that's.. your problem. Why should i avoid doing something in my personal life to please a stranger that has no importance to me whatsoever? You're the one who should've gone to settings and put all of your triggers in the content filter for it to block the posts that have it, like i did with my own. People aren't going to stop everything they're doing only to pet your head and babysit you. We owe you nothing.

"your kinks are gross and i hate you for it"

i'm pretty sure your religion-obsessed parents feel the same way towards your sexual orientation and taking it out on me won't make them change their minds magically. And i'm very sorry that you're bitter because no one wants to have sex with you and you decided to take it out on me. So sad, boowomp

"you're sick and deranged for hornyposting and people should keep sex hidden from the public"

Sex exists and you can't deny that, it's a normal part of life. If sex was wrong, we wouldn't feel sexual pleasure. You're so bitter and i can't help but question if you're just suppressing yourself and how sad you are because you feel too guilty to explore your sexuality. Many queer people figure themselves out because of sexual attraction. Let people enjoy things.

"excluding cishet men and women is discrimination and you're doing the same as the "dni (gender)" blogs"

first, i need to do this for safety, both my own and my followers'. Second, I'm not doing "the same" because that's a terf blog shit and terfs are your kind. I'm the one who's protecting myself from your kind.

[the-firebird69]

Elton John - Goodbye Yellow Brick Road Remastered & Revisited (Extended ...

If you Max and not these guys are driving them nuts, listen to the lyrics and listen to your father you can hear him suffering because what you're doing is not mathematically correct and she's saying you're a sophomore in your way to the point where we will not make it. And he's wondering and has hope that you come down from that lofty place. He's wearing all these costumes that are very weird and odd and he feels queer and afraid because he's smart enough to understand the math. That was astonished I was astonished it's like my world is upside down because he was saying he's the bad guy on purpose because he couldn't handle it you don't listen you are done just and you're not mathematically correct then you're not concerned you start threatening them right away like a little child and he's right it's probably a nitrogen narcosis it does that to people and you're all on it and it's so arrogant and lofty when you're living as a pauper compared to some of these people. You come up here and you try and wipe people out and you think you are and this huge place is still in the Midwest and you're handing us power and you want to cause a massive war to wipe out the surface and you don't care for what we say about our people or my people when Max and you lost a fleet and you still won't shut up what will it take you think you think that Titan destroyed the fleet of that size like this marshmallow head I'd have to say that your little girls and I could just March down and try and take over a cavern or two because your little girls.

Zues Hera

We know what they're up to and so do you we hear you words and we understand them and these people are nuts and can't help it cuz they're push to it but gee whiz what do you think you got he says it's very simple stupid I have what they don't have maybe and what would that be and it's because of their stupid s*** with Earth. I'll say it again what makes you think that you can have it and not them and he says there's a series of events there's a disappearing clan their machines in tech were all over at some of them were found and I started to get that those machines are out there to disable those ships and take them over and the other ones they were found we found to be down on their own and you're right about something it could be a computer it could be the clans it could be your people or it could be a roost by the empire and not really by what they're saying that's what we say tons of people hear it and see it come on then stick it out there we don't really want them to it's too big and they don't sound like us they're not responsive and we created this atmosphere here on Earth it could be a break away and it's not like the Sahara still have a lot of guys so Elton John is correct and he always used to be and I'm sorry to put it through all this he's out there doing the right thing and refreshing people too much and this guy is taking too much pressure I mean forced to it and it was wrong you know who it was It was a wrinkleader and he's not top size it is terrible he is terrible he knew mack in the beginning inside the user he's a vulgar person. Is actually a few of them of course but boy are they wrong they could be extremely wrong and it messed everything up to the ultimate all that could be very wrong and it could be the clans and he says oh yeah they may have had the clearance to it to strap it on and to not harm Earth and that's why things are changing even them in the bunker might get it eventually they're going to get from the ships and eventually it's going to have to come out and it might come out different as in don't go near you there but you have to. Now I want to say something this guy is being patient this is all our business and it's not going to help us involve you in everything and you people there are so stupid and wrong you seem to really big stuff and you think it's not cuz you're bothering him all day and getting away with it he is bothering the s*** out of you if your a turd now

John remillard how obnoxious do you get for Christ's sake he's right about all of it and so is back we've written letters back into them saying now I have to go by what's in the pudding for Christ's sake

Robert Duvall

I can't stand this he's right to be pissed off he has every right to be all sorts of stupid things happen to him and happens we're not making up to for anything now there's deciding to switch to try and change it up and The fleets disappearance was not real fast it wasn't in one city but he remembers it was like a month that was pretty fast yeah is that the weapon was powerful enough and there's people who check and say it's very powerful. And it was a period of 2 months or so and the fleet was slowly disappearing so we are up in arms right now and we see how it is and we see the shell and it proves it and boy we need that and he convinced his brother's it's not always the brightest and desperate a lot that's what he said so turn the earth into a spaceship and to fly it out where we could be so it's not exactly stupid it's not really the greatest

Jim Morrison

Olympus permission to print granted and yeah he's in a baby's body for his race so he farts a lot so calm down

[earlgraytay]

Ah... this is an apropos time to mention something that I think is clouding the discussion. Because you are not the first person to tell me this, and to get very confused when I reply.

I was, and am, using a specific (trauma-therapy-inflected) definition of the word "shame". And if you don't understand this, you won't get where I'm coming from.

So. There's a difference between guilt and shame.

Guilt is the bad feeling you get when you have done something concretely wrong. If you feel guilty about something, you can generally point to an incident (or a specific incident) where you were in the wrong, or concrete ways in which your behaviour has hurt people. The way to deal with guilt is to make amends to the people you've harmed and to change your behaviour.

Shame is the bad feeling you get from nonspecific feelings that You Are Wrong And Bad And Broken In Some Fundamental Way. If you're feeling shame, you generally cannot point to a specific Bad Thing you've done. You know the scene in How To Train Your Dragon when Hiccup's trying to explain why his dad doesn't like him, and he just gestures to himself and goes "all of this?" That's shame.

In CPTSD therapy, a lot of the early work is figuring out how to undo your all-encompassing sense of shame. A lot of people who develop CPTSD have a horrible core belief that they are fundamentally broken and cannot be fixed. Undoing that belief (through talk therapy, EMDR, CBT, or other psych methods) is one of the fundamental things you need to do to heal.

When you guilt someone, you are trying to make them feel bad for specific actions they have done. You focus on their behaviour, you tell them that the behaviour is not acceptable, and (if you have power over them) you explain to them why what they did was not okay and give them a chance to make amends.

When you shame someone, you are trying to make them feel like a Bad Person. You might call them names, tell them that they're what's wrong with the world, or say that there is something wrong with them. You might try to make them feel bad about being in a class of people they can't help being in (like their skin colour, gender, ancestry, or social class).

The difference between guilt and shame is the difference between "you are doing bad things" and "you are bad".

And here's the thing: bigots love shame. Bigots love to make the people they're bigoted against feel like they are Everything Wrong With The World, just for being a POC/queer/trans/a minority religion/whatever. Shame gets at people who are already hurt, and being a minority in the world we live in means you grow up hurt.

But the thing is... unless all you want to do is hurt people? Guilt is much more effective at getting people to change, especially if you provide a way for them to make amends. For all the reasons I described- unless someone is fundamentally hurt, they will see your shame as an emotional attack, and they will treat it accordingly.

Now, the context of this post is "Thanksgiving on Tumblr, especially when you follow a lot of leftists, is a bad time to be a white guy with a powerful sense of shame". And the point I was trying to make is that you are not going to shame people into giving up The One Nice, Secular, Feel-Good Food Holiday in the American cultural calendar. That is just not going to work, because Nice Food Holidays are a thing that is fundamental to human nature. Everyone, everywhere has a Cultural Food Holiday, and some cultures have many of them. It's a thing that people do, because they're people.

Anyone who can be swayed into giving up The Nice Food Holiday out of shame is … not doing so hot. If you can say "stop doing this thing, colonizer", and they stop doing the thing? They are fundamentally hurt, and you are making the hurt worse. And part of healing for that hurt is going to be rejecting the shit you told them, because it is causing them more shame.

In a case where you do genuinely need to get people to stop doing something that people fundamentally do- say, celebrating a Nice Food Holiday for horrible, horrible reasons- you need to redirect that urge. You need to give them an alternative that is not horrible, that they can do while feeling good about themselves as people.

(In the case of Thanksgiving, might I suggest Vasily Arkhipov Day?)

If the thing someone is doing is genuinely wrong, yeah, sometimes you need to guilt people. But you need to frame doing something else as a way that they can make amends, and then you need to genuinely treat it as such. There are things that you absolutely need a zero tolerance policy for, don't get me wrong-- but there are never, ever things that justify the use of shame.

TLDR: Guilt bigots, don't shame them.

this is your regular, cranky reminder that you are never going to get people to give up something that humans inherently do by guilting and shaming them.

no matter how strongly you feel that people ought to feel bad about doing something, and no matter how correct you are about whether or not they should feel bad.

shaming someone is an emotional attack. and the more vitriolic your attempt at shame is, the more vicious the attack is. most people, by the time they're adults, recognize this, and have built up various defenses against emotional attacks.

the only people that shame 'works' on the way you want it to work are not mentally well. they have moral OCD, or scrupulosity issues, or have been abused so badly that they do not feel like they have the right to have boundaries, or some combination of the three.

most people with healthy boundaries and healthy emotional responses will see your weaponized shame as an attack on them, and will react accordingly. and they are correct to do so. because part of having healthy boundaries is not letting random people emotionally attack you, regardless of how correct they are.

you can convince people that you are right and they are wrong. but the harder you try to make them feel ashamed, the less effective you're going to be. you're just gonna trigger a bunch of people who are mentally ill and make everyone else pissed at you.

[voidcataro]

how do i know if im trans?

first of all, if you're currently questioning your gender, or even tentatively considering poking it with a stick, congratulations!! welcome to the world of 5D gender chess, we've got a broad and nuanced range of excellent genders to choose from, or feel free to make your own <3

with that out of the way, here's a secret: the first step to figuring out your gender... is Not Knowing. you may find yourself spending a lot of time on this step.. that's normal. it's frustrating for a lot of us, because we want answers right away, but the truth about gender is there's no right or wrong way to do it, and there's no secret indicator bound to the very essence of your soul with your One True Gender written on it. gender is a made up concept that shapes our lives and its implementation is pretty much entirely subjective. some people have an easier time figuring out what they want out of gender than others, and that's okay.

but how do i know what i want? you might ask. if you ask most cis people how they know what their gender is they'll probably tell you they "just know". that's not really helpful though, especially if you suspect your gender might be a little spicier than your typical 'male' or 'female' options. for me, questioning my gender was a little bit like being introduced to an extensive menu of diverse food choices after eating pretty much the same simple meal every day of my life. as soon as i realized there was something else, i never wanted to go back; but i didn't know what i'd like best, either. the only way for me to get a feel for what i wanted was to try things that looked good. this advice likely won't work for absolutely everyone, but it's a decent starting place for just about anyone. pay attention to gender presentations, labels, pronouns etc. that interest you, and try them out. it's okay to go through and taste a little of everything in a short time before deciding on something to explore more deeply; it's okay to spend a lot of time savoring something only to change your mind and go for something completely different later; follow what feels natural to you, and don't worry about getting it right the first time. you'll always have room to change your mind later and try something different.

to extend the food metaphor a little bit, it's important to remember that there's more than one way to prepare a particular food. some people can only enjoy vegetables prepared a certain way, for instance. there's many ways to view and inhabit a given gender. the first couple times i tried out being male felt.. almost right, but there was something off about the experience that made me shy away from it several times before i found a kind of masculinity i'm comfortable and happy in. if you find yourself coming back to a particular gender more than once but can't seem to make it fit, i recommend exploring queer and nonconforming flavors to see if you like any of those better. i have a trans woman friend who's very tomboyish and will never ever wear a skirt, and another friend who's the strongest butchest bravest person i've ever met and everything about her makes way more sense since she came out to me as a woman. i wasn't happy with my own gender until i realized that i could be soft and gentle and vulnerable and silly and not be any less strong or any less masculine for it.

it's important to note here that you're not obligated to choose only one gender, either. the food metaphor works here too: lots of people prefer to keep their meals simple and consistent, or have a particular staple they always come back to, but it's normal and common to switch things up now and then. sometimes for a special occasion, sometimes Just Because, but most people's genders aren't truly static. there's a lot of nuance and give to every gender. there's infinite ways to make a sandwich, and people can argue in endless circles about the true ontological distinction between a sandwich and a salad, but at the end of the day it's nobody's business but yours what shape your daily nourishment comes in.

a note on safety: while recent legalization of gay marriage in the US and proliferation of queer spaces on the internet has created a lot of opportunity for queer people to find accepting communities, it's still by and large a huge social risk to be out as trans in irl spaces, especially in conservative rural areas and many religious spaces. it is vital to protect your own safety and the safety of your queer friends in spaces that have not demonstrated genuine acceptance of and solidarity to queer identities, so be mindful of what information you share and with whom. on a lighter note, it's difficult to try out varying gender presentations and pronouns etc. without a supportive social circle to reflect your presentation back at you and allow you to experiment with being seen as a different gender. after all, gender is a social construct; it's an important aspect of relating to other people, so it's all but impossible to explore in a vacuum.

last but not least: remember that you do not have to change yourself to fit your preferred gender. anyone with any set of traits can be any gender they like. it's not about what social role fits you best, it's not about your body, it's about how you interpret yourself and what interpretation makes you feel the most like yourself.

gender is your playground now; have fun, try new things, and eventually you will find yourself knowing what you like and what you want. and it's normal and fine if what you want changes from time to time; change is a natural part of life.

[aroaceconfessions]

I was reading Bell Hooks' Talking Back and reached the part "about self recovery" and there she speaks about having to speak using the language of the oppressor and on the first moment I'm reading it as a poor black woman in university, surrounded by middle class and rich white men but then it hits me "Right, that's not the only thing queer about me in this situation".

And reading it I understand how the value is attributed according to hegemonic culture, forcing the oppressed to share their experience under some kind of translator so that we can transmit it in a way that fits the standards of the oppressor, we force ourselves to feel in a way that they can understand, to act on our feelings in a way that is acceptable for them and it's about being a black woman yes but is no different for me as the experience of being aspec.

Actually, while reading it I could only think about this part of me. I feel safer around poc and around woman and around people who are not going to look down on me for the price tag of my clothes and my cellphone brand and because of where I live I'm usually in safer spaces, I have spaces where I can feel my anger and pain unapologetically. But amongst many things there's this one that I don't, this one I have to speak about as if it's a minor inconvenience, no matter where I am I can not run from the agony and I can't express it, there's no place where I can feel safe, where I can forget for one single second that I'm different. I won't ever belong.

I am aromantic.

See? It's underwhelming. Because we never talk about how it feels to be Aro using the big words, for the good and for the bad. When we try to explain what we are, who we are, we always need to lessen our feelings — unconsciously from what I've seen online — so that others will listen.

Because I'm not allowed to feel intensely about my own identity much less my own oppression, they don't understand, because they think it doesn't matter. There are dozens of posts just in this blog, I bet from all around the world, about institutional, political, nationwide laws and societal organizations that establishes something that hurts aro, aces and non-partnering people, and since I can't speak strongly against the big shit imagine if I do so about the "lesser" problems (in quotations because when it comes to caring for Aros everything is a lesser problem).

I am not even allowed to say they are making privileges for partnering (specifically abled) peopel on taxes because they won't see it as a privilege, it's a "little help", sometimes it's even a "reward". I'm (not really) sorry but a reward is only a reward when everyone has the chance of achieving it, if the opportunity is not the same then it is a privilege for those who can try to achieve and a reminder to the rest — to us! — that we are in the wrong and living the way we do is not how it is supposed to be.

You know the worst part? Is not explicit. It's something people don't even realize. Like I said, we've read many confessions here, living costs, hospitals, job seeking, health treatments, everything is so incredibly amisiac not in an "I hate you" way, or "you are not allowed to this" way, in a "I don't recognize your existence, not because I want to exclude you, but because the possibility that something like this exist doesn't cross my mind and even when it does I just dismiss it because that's not how real people are in real life" way.

It's that point where you feel the neurodivergent, the disabled and the non-partnering experience slightly converging, when you see the world being built around you and you can't fit. They are not even making an effort to keep you out, this is not like a bar with a little sign that says you are not allowed in, is more like a tavern from a magical world with a natural barrier against you. You can't force yourself in, you can't ask them to change, you need to convince people to leave it.

And by it I mean our cultures, our societies, because adding our flags to pride and making teachers learn sign language is great, but June is here and no one else talks about us and when we talk about ourselves no one else hears and all our classmates can't even sign a hello so it's no different than learning alone.

And I can't be angry about it! Not strongly at least, I can't be intense, I can't be scary, I can't be loud about it, because if I do I'm turning it into a big deal and it shouldn't even though it is very much a big deal despite it not affecting you specifically. So I gotta lower myself, I can't be direct, I can't say that your viral speech about love is harmful to loveless people just because it was said with good intentions, because they are advocating for a good cause, because "the world is lacking in love and that's why it is this way" is trying to push for the good and I'm in the way of it.

What the world needs is more respect, that is the opposite of hate. Your "love"? It is harming me. Actively. I'm being painted as a villain and I'm not even allowed to be mad about it. I can't say a single fuck, literally, if I use the word fuck I am in the wrong.

Somehow I am as much part of the problem as the ones spreading hate. So if I, the Aspec, speak out of line, if the Aspec doesn't take lots of care with each word used, the tone, the expressions, the gestuees, then you have every right to step on me and, I know this from years of experience, no one will stop you.

[The Bell Hooks anon here again, got a bit anxious about someone misunderstanding me so I just wanted to say that what I was talking relates to the self-recovery explained in the book, which is a way to find or create the language needed to talk back and speak up, and what I meant was we cannot find this self-recovery as a community if we don't find ourselves (being aspec, the individuals and not being aspec the victims, the invisible beings), and since there's no self prior to amatonormativity and amisia (no matter how nice your family is and how protected you've grown, like I said, the aphobia is not explicit so people don't even know they are being aphobic), to find a full self we need to talk about what is like to be us, we need to create a collective, we are so very different but we are still one single community, and that includes talking about what hurts us, and we need to be truthful about it so we can find what it is that pain us as a whole, what it is that can be changed and find means to create change, actual tangible change that can function intersectionally but also independently. It won't work if we are not allowed (by others or by our own conscious) to talk about it in the way we feel it. Adding to that the issue of breaking from the oppressor she talks about, you can't be afraid of educating and even calling out someone for something aphobic even if minor, the prejudice can only be solved when the person doing it changes, we've been silenced before, we lost any sense of unity and it's great we have a space like this to ease our minds and vent like I'm doing right now but we need to know what is it we want to say then make ourselves heard. And no one hears when you whisper in the middle of a hurricane.]