#i can't even think about or process the breakup thing because it just seems so stupid and small in the face of everyone else

[greencarnation]

this all happening at the same time as i go through the most disgusting drawn out overdue breakup of my life is unfair. i feel insane

[militarywifesvt]

I've been in love with woozi angst lately can you write something about when they broke up because he prioritised his work over reader and they both were hurting but didn't dare to talk to eachother until woozi released a breakup song and said at an award ceremony that the song is dedicated to someone and he wishes that person would forgive him ( he's referring to reader ) and then all the seventeen members text reader to come back to him because he's been crying ever since she left and you show up at his door in the middle of the night with a dramatic confession and they get back together . Sorry if this is too detailed 🥲 can you please make it longer too ? Thanksss ❤️❤️

Destiny (LJH)

Pairing : Lee jihoon x reader

Genre : angst with a happy ending

Summary : You and jihoon broke up months ago , but when he released that heart wrenching song and cried during his speech , you knew you had to make things right before it's too late .

Warnings : breakup , crying , depression , two curse words ( asshole , fu€king )

( I'm not a producer so the lyrics might not be that good please be nice 😃 )

Enjoy 💋

2 months ago

The mood was tense . You've been thinking about this for hours , trying to pluck up the courage and go to his studio . This has been going on for a long time now . Jihoon promised a movie night today but like usual , he never showed up . Just like how he didn't show up for your date at a restaurant 2 weeks ago saying that he had work to do . Just like how you ended up going to the cinema alone because he was too busy to spare a few hours for you . You understood , of course . But this also started affecting your relationship . You wanted to talk about it with him and maybe solve the problem . So , you did what you had to do . You walked out of the house and headed towards his studio . You didn't even know what you'll say , but what you knew is that you needed to fix whatever this is . You arrived , didn't even bother to knock . And without hesitation , you said with a serious look and crossed arms .

" We need to talk . "

At first , jihoon was taken aback . He looked at you for a second too long trying to process what you just said . Then , he sighed and looked back at his laptop . You stood near the door refusing to sit down , waiting for an answer hoping it's an apology or yet another reason . Only for him to say with a cold , unbothered tone

" Can we not do this now ? I have to finish this ."

" No . We're doing this now , I can't keep coming second to your music . You probably forgot about this like always , but we were supposed to have a date today . I understand that this is your career , but I can't keep doing this . I can't just keep waiting for you while you don't even bother to spare a few hours for a movie or even a few minutes for a call . I can't tell you to leave your music , so I'll leave instead . "

The tears were already forming in your eyes and your voice started to crack . Jihoon stood up from his seat . He didn't say anything . Didn't fight for you , as if he doesn't care . You didn't wait for an answer . You just walked out with whatever pride you had left and closed the door behind you .

He didn't chase after you .

And you didn't look back .

Present day

The months after you left were quiet . Not the calm , soothing kind of quiet . But the painful kind . The kind that made the studio feel colder , the guitar heavier , the lyrics emptier . Everything just wasn't the same . Jihoon looked okay . But behind the camera , he wasn't . His members noticed it , of course . How he stays later than usual in his studio . How he skips meals more often now . How he can't focus anymore and is always zoned out . How even his music , the only thing that makes him feel alive , the thing that he always runs to , his passion , felt like something he was forced to do . His members always checked on him , asking if he was okay and taking turns visiting him at the studio . But nothing seemed to work . You were everywhere . In the lyrics he wrote , in the melodies he made , in the chords he played without thinking . He didn't delete your number but didn't open your chats either . Your name just sat there , like a memory , like a wound he refused to bandage . He kept on trying to convince himself that he made the right decision . He had work . He had members and fans that depend on him . He had a dream to chase . But what's the point of success if the person he wanted to succeed for wasn't here with him ? He was so caught up in his work , trying to make you happy and proud , that he forgot about your own happiness . That thought haunted him since you left . It wasn't until one night at 3:45 am . He was alone in the studio once again thinking about you . The memory of you falling asleep on the couch behind him and waiting for him to finish , your laughs echoing as he adjusted reverb settings . With glassy eyes and an unfocused mind , he let himself feel how it was like being loved by you . He didn't cry , not really . But his throat tightened . And that night , for the first time in a long time , he opened a blank project file and started writing . No planning , no thinking , just emotions . The lyrics came first , raw , poetic , and quietly devastating . It described what he couldn't say on that day you left . He didn't try to make the song perfect . He just made it true . The verses weren't grand and flashy , just his raw feelings .

" you waited with no complaints , while I kept building walls "

" I kept saying 'soon' thinking you will last , but while I was away , you left so fast "

The chorus hit like a silent cry

" Now there's a silence I can't quite explain "

" oh my destiny , I let go of you for a harmony "

" if I had to go back , I'd leave the door open "

These parts always caught his breath during rehearsal . He has been singing in front of thousands of people for ten years . But this time felt different . For the first time in a decade , he's nervous to go on stage , thinking that you might be watching this from somewhere . He barely made it to the end of the song without crying . But the claps of the fans got him . He bowed before leaving the stage and running to the bathroom , afraid that someone might see him crying . He quickly wiped his tears before stepping out and taking a seat in the crowd , waiting for the award ceremony to start . The lights were blinding . The cheers were so loud . All of that didn't affect jihoon . He stood frozen in his seat as the host announced the winner . He didn't wait for a win or an award , he just wanted a chance to say what he couldn't that day .

" my destiny , please come back "

(omg the lyrics are so cringe please don't say anything)

" And the award for 'Song of the year's goes to .... SEVENTEEN's WOOZI for "destiny" congratulations! "

Applause erupted , screams got louder , his members stood up and clapped the hardest , proud of their producer . Dino was already tearing up . But jihoon ? He could barely move . He slowly made his way to the stage , like his legs weren't connected to his body . The award felt so precious in his hands , but it wasn't what made his tears fall . He held the mic with his other hand , then looked down .

" Um...thank you...for this . Honestly , I didn't expect to win . This song wasn't even supposed to come out . But it was written for someone . Someone I failed to keep . Someone who loved me when I didn't even deserve to be loved . Someone who waited for me for years . Someone I hurt . I don't think she'll be seeing this but ," he looked down for a second too long , not even trying to hide his tears anymore . The room shifted , the audience started murmuring and the members froze in their seats , looking at jihoon with glassy eyes .

" I'm sorry for what I have done , truly . I hope one day you'll forgive me . And um...oh my god , I shouldn't be saying this but , I miss you , a lot . "

He had more to say , but his tears betrayed him . He couldn't continue . So he just bowed and left backstage .

Lucky for you , you were actually watching . He didn't know that you were also hurting . You didn't delete his number either . You looked at his pictures in your camera roll almost everyday , drowning in your memories together . You couldn't concentrate on anything either . But you didn't have the courage to say anything . Your life didn't feel the same . You missed his presence , the late nights at his studio , being the first person to listen to his songs . You missed what you had with him . And that thought gnawed down at you .

You couldn't stop the tears from falling after you heard his speech . And what got you is the inside jokes between you and him that were hidden in the lyrics . You sobbed uncontrollably , holding your heart that was once shattered into pieces . You sat in your room , looking at the ceiling , replaying what you said that day . What caught you off guard is a message . It was not the message that shocked you , but who it was from .

3+ messages from Boo seungkwan , Choi seungcheol , Lee seokmin

You quickly wiped your tears and opened the message .

What could they possibly want at this hour ?

Boo seungkwan : Noona , I know I'm in no place to say this but whatever woozi hyung said or did that day , I'm sure he didn't mean it .

Choi seungcheol : he's been a crying mess since you left . You need to come back .

Lee seokmin : fix whatever happened between you two . You and I both know you can't live without him and he can't live without you either .

Seokmin was right , you can't live without jihoon . But you can't just ignore how you were treated and run back to him . But he wrote a whole song to show you how sorry he is . Your mind is a mess right now . You need to decide what to do before it's too late . If not now , then it's never . You did what you actually had to do this time and ran to his house . Yes , you sprinted to his house in the middle of the night in the pouring rain without an umbrella . Was it worth it ? Hell yeah .

You hesitated when you first knocked at his door , you didn't know what you were gonna say . But fixing this is the priority . Jihoon didn't expect anyone at this hour and nobody came to his house without notice before . Unless it's...

He froze where he stood , thinking whether he should open it or not . But he did it anyway . He saw you standing there , drenched from the rain . You obviously got skinnier and he noticed the dark circles around your eyes . He didn't know what to do at that moment , so he looked down . You knew he won't talk anytime soon , so you said what you wanted to say .

" You should know that- "

" I'm sorry . "

You couldn't even process what he said before he continued

" I never apologized once when I treated you like that . I wanted to make you proud . I wanted to make you happy that I forgot about what mattered to you . I only cared about my job and I'll admit that it wasn't fair .You probably won't forgive me , but I just wanted to say that it's okay if you don't because I understa-"

You couldn't just watch him blame himself . Something in you snapped , and you hit him in the chest .

" Who do you think you are to talk about yourself like that ? I didn't leave because of your job . I left because I thought I didn't matter to you . That day when I left the studio , you didn't even bother to go after me . That fu€king hurt , man .Then I heard that song . That damn song . And that speech made me cry , you asshole ."

You hit him again . And again . All while sobbing under the rain .

Jihoon took a step closer , barefoot , tired

" I didn't know how to ask you to stay when I kept giving you reasons to leave . You were the only thing that mattered to me , you still are . "

You also took a step forward , looking at him with glassy eyes , hoping to see the truth in his eyes .

" I'm still waiting . "

" I'll spend the rest of my life making up for it . " He said before pulling you by the waist for a hug . He didn't care about the rain , didn't care about the fact that he might get sick . And you didn't either .

And suddenly , nothing felt heavy anymore . Jihoon learned how to make time for you and how to make you feel loved . His career thrived even more after that . Because now he got his muse back , everything felt better than before .

Taglist : @cscstrap @alien0n3arth @syluslittlecrows @cheolliesvt @my-neurodivergent-world

[love-belle]

i should hate u !!!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ in which their post break-up era is them using shady captions to communicate and the media and fans being confused.

or

for when you loved them too much. ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

social media au // max verstappen x fem!reader

sequel - today and tomorrow and every day after that ⋆·˚ ༘ *

warnings - language

author's note - hello!!! i really hope u like this <3 i was initially gonna do daniel ricciardo one first but i already had 1/2 of this done so i just decided to post this :) thank u sm for reading <3 i love u

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f1news y/n y/l/n and max verstappen called it quits almost a month ago and it seems like they didn't end on good terms at all. the singer, at her london show last night, threw shade at her ex-boyfriend, saying and we quote, "the next song wouldn't have been possible without this one dude who inspired it obviously. so — here's 'i should hate you'. spoiler alert, i do. thank you!" the reason for the split is still unknown but sources who claim to be close to the pair said that 'it was bound to happen — with their different goals and plans for the future," seemingly referring to the talks that y/l/n wanted to get married and verstappen didn't. both of them have yet to comment on the situation. for more details, click on the link in our bio.

278 comments

username WOAH

username pause.

username ahahahahaha say what.

username oh my god 💀💀💀

username NOT HER CONFIRMING THAT I SHOULD HATE YOU IS ABT MAX

username no bc the way her voice cracked so many times in between the songs like girlie is angry AND hurt

username OH MY GOD

username i genuinely have no words

username omg the photos are NOT of her shading max. it's her laughing at a fan who yelled "you're the baddest bitch of all baddest bitches" at her

-> username YEAH LIKE SHE WAS SO CLOSE TO CRYING WHEN SHE SANG ISHY

username my delusional ass thinking they ended on good terms 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

username nah it's so champagne problems and you're losing me kinda thing i can't handle this whatcthe fucj

username OH WHATCTHEBFUCJ

username me getting the big guns out to defend her AND max with my LIFE

username still processing their breakup give me a year to digest this information

username STOP WHAT THE FUCK

username my parents ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

username no bc she's genuinely such a sweet person so if she said this max must've done something 😭😭😭😭😭

-> username STOP NO 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

username can't believe she's saying this about a dude for whom she wrote "feels like" for like wow.

username I WAS AT THAT SHOW AND SHE LOOKED SO SAD AFTER SHE SAID THIS I FELT SO BAD

-> username SHE ALSO STARTED CRYING WHEN SHE FINISHED SINGING I MISS U IM SORRY AND ZARA (HER LEAD GUITARIST) HAD TO RUN AND CONSOLE HER

-> username AND SHE SAID THAT THE LAST MONTH HAS BEEN HARD ON HER AND SHE APOLOGIZED IF THE SHOW WASN'T AS GOOD AS THE OTHERS

-> username NAH MOTHER ATE AS ALWAYS

username y'all saying this but not the fact that she ALSO said "in another life we would've worked but im grateful for everything i had because for a moment you were mine"

-> username MY HEART JUST BROKE WHATCTHEBFUCK

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maxverstappen1 i know i say that i am better now, spoiler alert, i am

8,926 comments

username the way my jaw dropped

username THE PICTURES

username GODDAMN

username someone take away y/n's phone before she hits back 💀💀💀

-> username the way i know that she would absolutely destroy him

username NOT THE PHOTOS OMG

danielricciardo spoiler alert, also a liar

-> maxverstappen1 you promised you wouldn't snitch

username he definitely cried while posting this idc

username max babe it's okay to admit that u miss ur wifey bc same 💔💔💔

-> username "wifey" girl he didn't even wanna marry her

-> username not another word.

username funny haha 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 im crying 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 now get back with mom.

landonorris no you're not

-> maxverstappen1 i will block you

username lando and daniel exposing max 💀💀💀

username no bc he probably cries whenever he remembers that he fumbled a baddie like y/n

username "it's all better with you ❤️"

-> username i could've gone along with my day without seeing that just saying

-> username delete that RIGHT NOW before i start crying

username missing max simping for y/n like ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

charles_leclerc i swear i can hear you crying from my hotel room

-> maxverstappen1 WE'RE NOT EVEN IN THE SAME HOTEL

username the way im SO sure he heard y/n saying that she hates him and that was the moment he gave up

-> username nah bc he was one of the "my girl's mad at me i hope i die" kinda guys

-> username wonder how he's surviving this tbh

username I CAN'T TAKE THIS SERIOUS IM SORRY THE POST IS JUST TOO FUNNY

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yourusername i hate you lol

12,628 comments

username HELP

username she could only get this much in before her manager took away her phone ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

*liked by yourusername*

username no bc girl had a lot to say she's just trying to keep it cute

*liked by yourusername*

username the way i know y/n FOUGHT for the right to post this caption

username this is MILD bc i know y/n can be ruthless 😭😭😭😭😭😭

landonorris "in love" alright.

-> yourusername IT'S FOR THE AESTHETIC

username mother and father are fighting i can't take this what tye fyxk

username 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

username mother slays everyday just saying

username no bc if y/n ever said ihy to me i would give up just a thought

lilymhe pretty bitch

-> yourusername u sure that's not u?????

username i REALLY hope she's at the next gp

-> username no bc the way max and her meeting would definitely be more entertaining than the race itself

username NOT THE SONG LYRICS WHAT HAVE U PLANNED

-> username oh fuck that broke my heart what the fuck

username missing my man max in the comments section being a whipped bitch so bad ://////

carmenmmundt can't wait to see you darling 🤍

-> yourusername counting down the seconds omg i missed u!!!!!!

username y/n's manager has her on lockdown i can tell 💀💀💀

-> username with what she said at her last show i wouldn't be surprised

landonorris the post has reached the target and the target is currently eating ice cream while singing your songs

-> yourusername OH OKAY

-> yourusername good to know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

username she's so pretty it's not fair wtf

username the caption omg

-> username it's SO mild compared to what i was expecting tbh 💀

username slay

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maxverstappen1 it's all better now

comments are disabled for this post

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yourusername and i swear to god i'd kill you if i loved you a less hard

13,728 comments

username SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

username OH MY GOD

username IS THAT MAX WHATCTHEBFUCK

username NOT Y/N SOFT LAUNCHING HER EX BOYFRIEND

username GIRL 😭😭😭😭 get up

username this is INSANE

username MOTHER?????? WHAT IS THIS??????

danielricciardo the most stressful week of my life if we're being for real

-> yourusername u can send m*x the therapy bill

-> maxverstappen1 don't. i did not agree to that.

username HER SONG LYRICS OH MY GOD

username SHE WROTE THIS SONG FOR MAX 😭😭😭😭😭😭

username okay but like. are we SURE that's max?????

-> username i simply refuse to believe that it's someone else so yes. that IS in fact max.

username OKAYYYYYYY

username did NOT see this coming in a thousand years

username obviously VERY happy for them but y/n censoring max's name is so fucking hilarious like

-> yourusername babe it's m*x

-> username my bad ur absolutely right it's m*x

-> maxverstappen1 this is bullying

username DID HE PUT A RING ON IT WHATXTHEBFUCK

-> username NO BC THAT WOULD MAKE SM SENSE

username so i lost SLEEP over nothing????????

maxverstappen1 nice pants

-> yourusername thanks they would look better on ur floor

-> maxverstappen1 say less

-> username i think i just died whatcthebfuxk

-> username oh they're GOOD now

username imagine they just drop engagement photos out of the blue then what.

-> yourusername imagine lol

-> username WHAT DOES THIS MEAN

username i just know y/n's eating up every moment of this chaos

-> maxverstappen1 demons thrive in chaos so

-> yourusername well! it was nice to reconcile for a couple days, goodbye now.

username im crying whayctrhbfcuk

landonorris mother father

-> yourusername child

-> maxverstappen1 no

-> username ah yes the four family members mother father child and no

username THE HEART THE EVERYTHING THEM

username they STILL don't follow eachother LMFAO

[hoonieyun]

collecting tears - jongseong

jar of tears that were shed for jongseong

park jongseong x reader "y/n"

genre: angst, breakup, the one that got away

warnings: profanity, mental illness/depression, overall 18+

summary: no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't get jongseong out of your head. two years after your tear filled and emotional breakup, he's still on your mind but it seems he hasn't thought about you since that night.

I hope you're happy But not like how you were with me I'm selfish, I know, I can't let you go So find someone great, but don't find no one better I hope you're happy, but don't be happier olivia rodrigo - happier word count: 2007

text in italics are flashbacks

You saw him in everything. 

You saw him in the way your glasses reflected the light as it sat on your vanity.

You saw him in the way your guitar collected dust in the corner of your bedroom. 

And you saw him in your reflection as you stared at your tear stained face and dark circles under your eyes. 

The memory of Jongseong that you held onto hurt more than the idea of being without him, because being without him only led to the memories of when you were with him, something that no longer exists in your life. 

Jongseong. 

The events of your tear filled and emotional breakup replays in your mind often, Jongseong’s tired face and the broken picture frame scattered into thousands of pieces in your bedroom. You could hear the argument in your head like it was playing through a speaker that followed you wherever you went. The last words you ever spoke to him ringing in your ears as a constant reminder that your inability to process your emotions and failure to stabilize your mind was the reason you were so lonely, even two whole years after your breakup. 

It’s a gloomy afternoon in the middle of September. The weather foreshadows the inevitable dreary, dull, and dark outcome of what your life would be for years to come. You had been in bed all day, crippled by your anxiety and depression, making it difficult for you to make any rational decisions or clear judgement of what you should be doing. 

Your phone fills with unanswered calls and texts that would remain unanswered until you convinced yourself enough that you weren’t a burden to others. Something that you wouldn’t be able to shake off for almost half a year from today. A feeling that still lingers and creeps up onto you every now and then. 

“Honey?” a voice asks from beyond the darkness of your bedroom. You quickly wiped away your tears and did your best to make it seem like you weren’t crying the whole day. Pulling yourself up and dragging the blanket further up your body to cover yourself as if your boyfriend, Jongseong, was anyone you should be hiding away from. His tenderness and soft demeanor was the first thing that attracted you towards him, his good looks was just a plus. 

“Honey, are you still sleeping?” Jongseong asks as he slowly pushes the door of your bedroom open, a slight creak sounding from the hinges as light emerges from the other side of the door, Jongseong’s silhouette outlined by the light. “Hi… No, i’ve just been in bed. Doing some thinking…” you say, trying to avoid the fact that you were just crying and hoping that he doesn’t notice as he makes his way closer. 

Your bed dips as Jongseong takes a seat next to your figure, still hiding under the blanket. It goes without being said but Jongseong knew you all too well.

He knew when you were really happy over fake happy because true joy spreads across your face when your eyes widen and you blink a thousan times, like you were trying your best to contain your joy but ultimately failing. 

He knew when you were upset because you would sniffle your nose as a way to avoid awkward silence or having to voice out your feelings. 

And he knew when you were sad because you’d rather surround yourself in the comfort of the darkness instead of reaching out to the hand that could pull you away from the dark. Much like how you were right now. 

Jongseong would’ve never abandoned you. He vowed that he would always be by your side no matter what, had you let him. “What’s wrong? Is everything okay?” he asks, already knowing the answer but he’s made it a habit to encourage you to vocalize your feelings so that it would be easier for you to process them. You only hummed in response but you knew that you should’ve told him how you felt in that moment because it only manifested into something worse. 

He sighs at your response, he would be lying if he said that sometimes he wished it was easier, but what was love if it didn’t have some ups and downs. Jongseong just hoped that it was up more than it was down. You scoff at him. Your anxiety was already talking you closer to a ledge and you didn’t need this from him right now. You were convinced that he only came here to make you more upset and the voices validated that outrageous claim over the evidence that Jongseong only had love for you. 

“You don’t need to be here. You can leave.” your harsh words piercing into Jongseong’s heart, a feeling of guilt over hurt as he had hoped his presence alone would be enough to make you feel better but it only made you feel worse and he didn’t know why. 

“Why would I leave? I want to be here, let me take care of you.” Jongseong says, inching closer to you but you quickly recoil away from, widening the distance like your mattress was meters long. “What’s wrong? Y/N, talk to me…” Jongseong urges but his pleas of wanting to be let in only read as judgement. Like he was judging you for the way you were instead of trying to understand you. Your mind forces a lie for you to believe over the truth, that Jongseong loved you and he wished you knew how much he did. 

He loved you more than anxiety loved to cling onto the smallest piece of doubt in your mind. 

He loved you more than you loved the darkness. 

And he loved you more than words could say but no amount of words could ever tell you that. 

“Just leave, I don’t need you here to think I’m someone to take care of and be seen as a burden!” you say, voice now a bit louder as frustration begins to build inside of you. “Honey, you’re not a burden and I’d never treat you like that.” Jongseong says as he settles his hand over your thigh, rubbing it softly over the blanket. 

“Why do you do that? Huh?!” you ask, scattering away from his touch and dragging yourself out of bed to stand in front of him. 

“You think you can just come in here and act like I’m some poor and unfortunate thing that needs to be fixed or that needs to be looked after. I know you see me as a burden Jongseong, you just don’t want to say it because you’d rather convince yourself that you love me instead of facing the truth. 

What did you even come here for? To make sure that I wasn’t doing well? So you could come and swoop in to save the day? You see me as nothing more than just a sick puppy to take care of. You’ve only stayed as long as you have because you pity me more than you love me.” the words just continue to spill out of you. the voices inside of your head had fully convinced you that everything you were saying was the truth and you were only just helping Jongseong face it. 

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He loved you more than anything and he couldn’t process the fact that you only saw him as someone that pitied you over someone that truly loves you. Because he did. He loved you… or was he starting to believe that what you were saying was in fact the truth. 

“How could you say that?” Jongseong says, voice low and discouraged. Great, now you had upset him and intead of focusing on yourself you now had to worry about your boyfriend’s feelings. 

“I- You know what. We’re done. Get out.” your voice was dull but it stabbed Jongseong’s heart like it was nothing. “What?” he says in disbelief and you don’t even give him time to process as you're grabbing his wrists and doing your best to drag him out of your apartment. His body was heavy as he tried to stop you but there was something, aside from you, pulling Jongseong out of your apartment and away from you. 

Was it wrong to say that maybe there was a small chance he had been waiting for you to push him away? That he had been secretly hoping you would finally get tired of him so that he no longer had to deal with you? Was that so wrong for him to want to be happy in the chance that it meant not being happy with you?

As he pondered these questions, the slam of your front door knocked him out of his thoughts, eyes glued onto the brown paint of the front door. Jongseong contimplated to knock on the door, beg for him to be let in, but he chooses not. Dropping his hand to his side with a sigh as he turns on his heel and walks away from your apartment. 

And ultimately walking away from you, forever. 

You, on the other hand, waited on the other side of the door, tears welling in your eyes the longer you waited for Jongseong to try and make his way back in. Hoping that you would hear his voice that you loved so much, ask for you to open the door so he could take care of you. 

Because maybe, even if you thought you didn’t need it, you did need to be taken care of. And Jongseong was the person who had done that for as long as you could remember. 

But the longer you waited the more sadness and regret filtered out the insecurity and doubt. Leaving you to stand in your home, alone, and never to see Jongseong again. 

You drag yourself back into your bedroom, flickering the light on and the first thing your eyes fall to is the framed photo of you and Jongseong. The photo was of the day he asked you to be his girlfriend. A photo of you sitting in the middle of a field for a picnic that he had planned. Flowers and your favorite food and snacks sitting next to the both of you on the picnic blanket. 

The anger you felt from the photo surged throughout your body and without even thinking you swipe the photo off your vanity, tears flowing from your eyes as it crashes to the floor into thousands of pieces. 

You would have hoped that two years after your breakup that you would’ve gotten better and gotten over him, but you fell back into the cycle of shrouding in darkness when a photo of Jongseong appears on your SNS. 

He’s smiling, hair done in the way you liked, in a suit that made him look like a prince, and an arm around the waist of a girl you didn’t know. Your eyes trailed over from his arms, to her waist, to her arm, and then to the ring on her finger. 

It felt like your heart shattered in that moment. Like you were offended and hurt that Jongseong would ever choose another girl over you as if you gave him a choice like you hadn’t made that choice for him. 

More tears well in your eyes as you glance over to Jongseong again. His smile was so beautiful and that was when you realized you had never seen him smile like that when he was with you. He seemed so happy and it hurt even more knowing that he was happy without you. 

But there was no one to blame but you. 

You forced him away and what a waste of a life for Jongseong to never choose happiness. 

You only ever wished that he would be happy. 

Just as long as he’s not happier without you. 

Maybe in another life. When you weren’t so convinced that everyone hated you and that you were deserving of Jongseong’s love. 

Maybe in another life. 

copyright 2024 - present © hoonieyun all rights reserved

all writing here is fiction & not in any association with characters mentioned.

the credit for the lyrics used in this piece of writing go to their rightful owners

[momhwa-agenda]

come back to me

PAIRING: Boyfriend!Sangyeon/Female Reader

WARNINGS: Angst, comfort, make-up sex (MINORS DNI)

SUMMARY: Two weeks have passed and you still haven't spoken to Sangyeon since that fight. Since you told him you wanted to take a break. Deep down you wanted to talk things over, finally set things straight. You loved him you always have, and so did he. Now it was just a matter of swallowing your pride and making things right with him.

A/N: This felt like a real breakup tbh. I had a concept in mind and I was really in the feels for this...I always am. It's Lee Sangyeon, since when was I normal about him? Then one day I got caught in the rain, on my way home after doing some errands, and I got the ideas on what to write for this piece. Special shout out to @kitschun who talked me through the angsty delusions. Reminding me that opposites attract.

TAGLIST: @daisyvisions @snowflakewhispers @midnightfantasiez

You glance at the clock and sigh. It's been two weeks since you and Sangyeon decided to take a break from your relationship. The emotional distance had grown too vast even before you decided to take time off each other, and the gnawing suspicion that he might be cheating on you only worsened things. You stare at your phone, the urge to call him battling with your pride. But before you can decide, a text notification pops up. It's Sangyeon.

"Can we meet? We need to talk."

You hesitate, your heart racing. Finally, you type back, "Okay. Where?"

"Usual spot. 15 minutes?"

"Fine."

You grab your coat and head out, the ominous clouds overhead matching your mood. When you arrive at the café, he's already there, looking as tense as you feel. You sit down across from him, your heart pounding in your chest.

"Hi," he says softly.

"Hi," you reply, trying to keep your voice steady.

"I've missed you," he starts, his eyes searching yours.

A moment of silence fills you and Sangyeon’s booth in the café until you let out a scoff. “Interesting choice of location considering our current state. Through our time together, you never once struck me as someone who needed an audience when discussing personal matters,” you remark.

“Would you have agreed to go to my apartment then?” Sangyeon counters, his voice still gentle but with an edge of frustration. “I know you’re angry at me, Y/N. I’ve known in the years we’ve been dating, and I knew inviting you to talk things out at my place would have made you feel trapped and forced.”

"Then why the text?" you snap back, the frustration bubbling up. "You can't just expect things to go back to normal after everything."

"Because it’s killing me, Y/N," he says, his voice low. "After that fight we had and you told me you needed space, what was I supposed to think? That it was the end? That we couldn’t talk things over?"

A lump starts to form in your throat. Your anger hasn’t subsided, but you feel it in your heart—you want to fix things. The fact that Sangyeon is here, pleading once more to mend the relationship, both uplifts and tears at you. You clear your throat, attempting to control the tears that threaten to pour out.

"Sangyeon…I needed to know if you were seeing someone else," you manage. “I’ve been feeling so inadequate around you…you’re just so perfect, kind, and loving…yet it sometimes feels like the whole universe doesn’t consider us a good fit. In the process, I started to think that you would cheat on me.”

Sangyeon purses his eyebrows together, shutting his eyes. Even he was starting to fight his own tears. "Y/N, I swear I would never cheat on you. How could you think that?"

"How could I not?" you counter, your voice rising. "We’ve both been so busy with work and life, I didn’t know how to tell you about this. You treat me like I’m your world, but I can’t help but think I’m so selfish for inconveniencing you with my insecurities! And don’t even get me started on that old classmate of yours at the reunion who seemed to be your picture-perfect idea of a girlfriend. What else was I supposed to think?"

"It's not what you think," he says, running a hand through his hair. He reaches for your hand, but you move away from him, the action making Sangyeon’s blood run cold.

“Y/N, she’s just a classmate. You’re perfect the way you are.”

Your anger simmers, but doubt begins to creep in. "You could have told me."

"I know," he admits. "I should have. But I didn't want to worry you, since you also had a lot on your plate."

“Well, you could have. You could have reassured me that we were still going strong, that you still loved me.”

“Yeah, and I’m not a mind-reader all the time! Sometimes I can’t figure you out unless you talk to me,” he fires back, his anger finally rising to the surface. Neither of you pay attention to the thunder rumbling outside, which somehow matches the tension between you two.

“Then tell me! Tell me to my face right now I’m a burden to you!”

Sangyeon shakes his head "Why did I even bother…this was a mistake," he mutters, but you manage to hear what he says.

You feel as if a rug was pulled from under your feet, your body starts running cold. You sniff, surrendering to the tears that begin to pour down your cheeks.

“Glad you finally told me what you want,” you say, getting up from your seat and leaving the café.

He follows you outside, and that's when you realize just how hard the rain is pouring. The streets are close to flooding, the water rising ominously at the edges of the sidewalks.

"Y/N, you can't go home by yourself in this weather," he insists, grabbing your arm. "It's too dangerous!"

"I'll be fine!" you snap, pulling away. You open your umbrella, but the wind is so strong it nearly blows it out of your hand.

"Please," he says, his voice softer now. "Let me walk you home. I don't want you to get hurt."

You hesitate, the anger still simmering but less intense now. Reluctantly, you nod. "Fine. But don't think this changes anything."

He takes the umbrella from you, holding it above both of your heads as you start the walk back to your apartment. The rain is relentless, the wind whipping around you, making it difficult to see where you're going.

"Be careful," Sangyeon warns as you navigate the slick streets. "Watch your step."

"Yes, I know, Sangyeon!" you snap, but there's no real venom in your voice. It's hard to stay angry when you're both struggling against the elements.

A particularly strong gust of wind nearly tears the umbrella from his grip, and you both wind up laughing as you fight to keep it steady. It's ridiculous, really, trying to stay dry in this downpour.

"This is hopeless!" you say, shaking your head. "We're going to get soaked no matter what."

He chuckles. "Might as well embrace it, right?"

You glance at him, surprised by his change in attitude. Despite everything, you can't help but smile. Maybe it's the absurdity of the situation, or maybe it's the way he's looking at you, but for a moment, it feels like it used to. Before the arguments, before the doubts.

The rain intensifies, and soon you're both drenched, your clothes sticking to your skin. The umbrella is practically useless now, but you cling to it anyway, more out of stubbornness than anything else.

As you near your apartment, the wind picks up even more, and you struggle to keep hold of the umbrella. Sangyeon steps closer, taking it from you completely.

"Let me," he says, his voice gentle. "You're going to hurt yourself."

You let him, the small gesture chipping away at the last of your resistance. By the time you reach your building, you're both laughing, breathless from the effort of fighting the storm.

"That's not how I pictured our moment in the rain to pan out," Sangyeon says with a wry smile.

You roll your eyes. "What do you mean? When I told you about that fantasy of dancing and then kissing in the rain, you scolded me and said I would get sick."

"Yeah, I did," he admits, a small smile playing on his lips. "But it’s something I remembered."

His words catch you off guard, a flutter stirring in your stomach. You hadn't expected him to remember that conversation, let alone mention it now.

"Come on," you say, feeling a sudden warmth despite the cold. "You can wash up and stay here until the rain dies down."

He nods, and you both head upstairs to your apartment. Once inside, you peel off your soaked jacket and shoes, shivering from the chill. Sangyeon stands awkwardly in the hallway, dripping water on the floor.

"You can use the bathroom first," you say, pointing him in the right direction. "The towels are in the cabinet."

"T-thanks," he says, his voice soft. Yet, Sangyeon doesn’t move an inch and instead looks at you as if he’s been holding something back.

You hesitate for a moment, then turn around and say, “Okay wait. It’s too soon but…look, you’re drenched and I don’t want you getting sick, so what if…”

“No, Y/N, you can go first, it's okay,” he assures you, but there's a flicker of something in his eyes.

“I meant…we could clean each other up,” you suggest, the invitation catching you both by surprise.

He looks at you, eyes wide, then nods slowly. “If you’re okay with it.”

“Yeah,” you say, trying to keep your voice steady. “It’ll save us time, and…it’s not like we’re complete strangers.”

You step into the bathroom and he follows right behind you, the tension from the argument still lingering but softened by this unexpected intimacy. As you undress, you catch glimpses of each other, the familiarity of the routine blending with the novelty of the moment.

“Oof! Oh no,” you grunt, struggling to remove your jeans, which have become heavy and drenched from the rain. Sangyeon notices your struggle. He hesitates, unsure whether to offer help or let you manage on your own. Although you were the one who suggested showering together — something he had been thinking about before you mentioned it — he didn't want to be too forward until you signaled that you were ready, hoping for a sign that conveyed not just “I need your help” but also “I don’t want to be mad at you anymore, I forgive you.”

“Ugh, Sangyeon, please, my pants are being a bitch. Can you help?”

Sangyeon exhales a breath he didn't realize he was holding. Kneeling down, he grips the waistband and begins to pull your jeans down. Though you could have managed this on your own, Sangyeon is now at your feet, helping you out of the wet fabric. Once the jeans are down to your ankles, he steadies you as you lift your feet out of the garment. The lingering looks you share all the while remind you why this was a risky decision.

“Thanks…I can take off everything else from here,” you say. Sangyeon stands up, clears his throat, and turns away to give you privacy as you remove your undergarments.

The shower is warm, and you both stand under the stream, letting the water wash away the cold and the remnants of your fight. Sangyeon reaches for the soap, lathering it between his hands before gently rubbing it across your back. You close your eyes, the simple touch bringing a flood of memories and emotions.

You take the soap from him, your hands trembling slightly as you start to lather his chest. You’d forgotten how big and solid his body was, the feel of his muscles under your fingers. The silence between you is thick, charged with unspoken words and lingering feelings.

In the middle of lathering soap on his body, Sangyeon reaches out to tuck a strand of wet hair behind your ear. “I really missed you,” he says, his voice soft and earnest.

You look up at him, meeting his gaze. “I missed you too,” you respond, your voice barely above a whisper.

He leans in, his forehead resting against yours. "I don't want to fight anymore."

"Me neither," you say, your heart aching with the truth of it.

The space between you disappears when leans down, capturing your lips in a soft, lingering kiss. The warmth of his mouth against yours, the sensation of his wet skin against your own, brings a rush of emotions. You deepen the kiss, your hands roaming over his body, reacquainting yourself with every line and curve.

As the kiss grows more passionate, you feel a familiar heat building between you. Sangyeon's hands slide down your back, pulling you closer until there’s no space left between you. His touch is gentle yet insistent, a reminder of how much he’s missed you.

You pull away from the kiss, tightening your grip on his arms. Leaning your forehead against his chest, your hands move to his back, pressing your fingers into his skin, fearing that he’d be stripped away from you. “Please…come back to me,” you begin to sob.

Sangyeon brings his hand to cup your cheek. You look up at him and find that he is crying too. You don’t see him cry often, which makes you cry even more. “I never left. And I never will, Y/N, you hear me?”

You nod. “Yes, loud and clear.” Your lips are reunited once more, the kiss filled with desperation and longing. Eventually your kisses venture down further, with whispers of praise in each touch.

He then hoists you up, presses you against the wall, and without wasting time, he inches his throbbing cock to your pussy lips, glistening with need. When you feel him inching slowly inside you, his deep thrusts overcome you with passion. You haven’t even come yet, but having Sangyeon fill you up completely sends you to the heavens. Hearing your moans and feeling your warm cunt hug him so well is a song Sangyeon has missed. The patter of water from the shower head hitting your skin mixes with the rhythm of your bodies moving together, creating a symphony of intimacy.

Through labored breaths, Sangyeon declares his love for you as he thrusts into your cunt. “I love you, Y/N. I’ve always loved you.”

You cling to him, bucking up your hips to meet his thrusts, as your own whispered confessions blends with his. “I love you too, Sangyeon. I never stopped.”

Your shared moans fill the shower as the past weeks of pain and misunderstandings are washed away. Neither of you could help yourselves. Those two weeks apart tortured you both deeply, that both your movements and touches were so desperate…rough…as if this was the first and the last time you would feel each other like this.

When you tangle your fingers in his hair, Sangyeon looks at you with hooded eyes filled with lust and yearning.

“Y/N…I..”

“Inside please I want all of you, Sangie!” you plead.

As you both reach the peak of your passion together, Sangyeon feels so drunk on the euphoria, that he continues to thrust faster, letting you both linger in the state of bliss, until he eventually slows down, cradling you in his arms. The world outside ceases to exist, leaving only the two of you in this moment of rekindled love.

[lover-of-mine]

Okay, I keep posting around what I actually wanna say about Buck, Eddie, and the parallel love lives, and, well, their love lives have been written as parallel but misaligned, but I don't think they are that misaligned anymore. Or at least they are the closest they have ever been. Abby and Shannon both serve as the first love who left and never gave them real closure, Abby left, forced Buck to leave her, came back and didn't admit to anything, just continued to force Buck to deal with it on his own, and Shannon left, only came back because Eddie asked her to, and she died right after asking for a divorce, so she never gave Eddie time to process the idea of permanently letting go of her before he was forced to do it on his own, and they are the love they keep reliving, because they were forced to find that closure on their own and they can't. Eddie because he is actively chasing Shannon and Buck because he is trapped in the same structure as his relationship with Abby, meeting because of work, the other person starts it, they leave at some point, at most times it feels like Buck is more in it than the other person. Buck gets a whole apartment because of Ali, Taylor was never as intense as we knew she could be about Buck, Natalia ran away because of who he is, Tommy doesn't seem to be putting in as much effort as he could. Ana, Marisol, and Kim and Ali, Taylor, Natalia, and Tommy, they get scrambled in the parallels between themselves though. I think mostly because where Buck needs time, Eddie needs intensity. Buck will realize stuff if you give him enough time, Eddie will only realize shit if it slaps him in the face. And Eddie's breakups tend to be Eddie's fault, where Buck breakups are usually because the other person does something. So one to one parallels are hard to draw, but they are there. Ana and Ali both are relationships that started because people keep telling them it was time to move on. Natalia and Marisol show up in their lives because of a call that wasn't about them, and they go out because they actually want to ask them out. Tommy and Kim both give the impression of it being about someone else, Kim is a carbon copy of Shannon, Tommy is presented to us as very similar to Eddie and he also parallels other Buck li, and there's also the way Eddie doesn't really want to date Kim and Buck and Tommy have the conversation about taking things slow. Taylor exists in a different situation because Eddie doesn't really have a multiseason love interest, Ana has a lot less episodes, so it's hard to compare the introductions, but Taylor and Ana parallel each other with the being introduced in an episode their family gets hurt, the whole thing with the brownies and Bobby and Chris and the skateboard, and the hurting Buck and Eddie part comes from their jobs, Taylor wants to capitalize on Bobby's addiction and Ana was the teacher responsible for making sure Chris stays safe, I think even the way Taylor's camera man teases them and the way Carla teases Eddie about Ana, structure wise Taylor and Ana are introduced in a similar way, and then coming back into their lives in unrelated circumstances, Taylor happens to be covering a scene Buck is working on and Eddie runs into Ana again during an unrelated call and later asking them out because of peer pressure. Ali, Ana, Taylor, and Marisol also parallel each other with being someone they meet while working and then start dating after a period of time has passed unlike Natalia. Taylor, Ana, and Natalia all get treated by them and that's interesting when they are not actually paramedics. There are a bunch of parallels between Natalia and Ana when it comes to conversations Buck and Eddie have with them too.

Kim parallels Taylor with the way both of them create chaos in their personal lives, Kim ends up making Chris want to leave and causes the breakup with Marisol, Taylor continues to try to capitalize on Buck's family even in a situation where their lives were actually at stake (and Chim is family in a more traditional way, now obviously because he's Buck's brother in law but at the time because he's the father of Buck's niece, and it is interesting that Chim leaves and actively wants to be as far away as possible from Buck and Chris is trying to get as far away as possible from Eddie, and I know the Chim's situation is not about Buck, but the person getting hurt the most over Taylor/Kim actions actually leaves the state while wanting to stay away from Buck/Eddie after finding out they were keeping something from them, which is something).

So the storyline parallels between all the love interests are there, but the things that's been getting me the most right now are the lines you can draw between Tommy and Kim. Because the thing is, while Eddie is actively chasing Shannon, I believe that Buck has let the Abby ship sail, but they are both looking in familiarity for something they already have with each other. With familiarity I mean the way Tommy parallels all of Buck's love interests, including Eddie, and the way Kim literally looks familiar. But also the way neither would have a chance of working long term because of that familiarity. Eddie can never bring Kim into his life, so that relationship would forever be surface level, and so far no real depth has been added to Buck and Tommy even though the show had opportunities to do so. Both Tommy and Kim presented Buck and Eddie with something they wanted but weren't fully aware of until they slammed into them, with Buck is the general concept of attraction to men he couldn't understand on his own and with Eddie, he didn't fully confront the way he still wants something from Shannon, that being more time, closure, or just the general feeling of grief that sometimes gets so unbearable you just want it to stop for a little bit and Kim was enough to trick his brain so it would stop for a second, I don't know, but she was offering something. But either way Eddie is finally at a point where he might actually look around to try and find out what he wants, because he was forced to confront the ghost of Shannon and Chris is not there, so he's at a point where he has enough puzzle pieces to realize that what he wants is the life he already has with Buck, the same way Buck can trip into the realization he already built his idea of love with someone, he just didn't understand Eddie is also an option. I think both of them work as a way to expand Buck and Eddie's dating pool, Eddie beyond what's expected from him, a mother for Chris, and Buck beyond women. So I think this is the closest they've ever been to actually being able to stumble into each other.

[doudouneverte]

Obi imagine

Part 1 - Obi Breakups up with Reader because of a argument. Can be because of anything but it’s bad. Maybe Accuse of cheating bad or something else? Anyway Reader ends up moving to a new club from Wolfsburg without telling Obi after the heartbreak. (Sad Ending).

Part 2 - After the breakup and not seeing each other for months? Weeks? They’re about to see each other again at the German national camp. Awkward, Reader tries to ignore Obi because she is still hurt, maybe gets close with another teammate which makes Obi jealous. Anyway it’s a mess and affects the way the team plays so the team try to get them to resolve their problems. Who knows maybe communicating is all they needed to do (Happy Ending).

a/n: thank you; that's a very good request

Up and Down

Pairing: Lena Oberdorf x EintrachtF!Reader; Laura Freigang x GERWNT!Reader(best friend); GERWNT x Reader

Summary: based on the request above

Type: angst & fluff

Warning:

word count: 2295

-----

Honestly, you didn't know how you got there. A few minutes earlier, you were having just a little heated chat, and now things were totally blowing up.

"-you're always acting like that!" The midfielder yelled at you.

"Lena, watch your tone..." 

"Or what? You'll also tell it to Laura, maybe?" 

Here we go again, you thought. Honestly, you didn't know how everything started. Laura and you have always been close; she was like the sister you never had. Even after you signed your first contract with Wolfsburg and hers with Frankfurt, things never changed between you two. And it was really cool at first.

But since a few months ago, you started to date Lena. And even if everybody was aware of your bond with the number 10 of Frankfurt, the midfielder didn't see it in a good way. Well, not at first. At first, she was more than happy to see how you connected on the pitch with your best friend, but quickly you also restarted to connect off the pitch. As much as you could, you were on your way to Frankfurt to see her or on the phone with her, and that started to piss off your girlfriend. More than that, she started to accuse you of cheating on her with your own best friend, which was totally crazy.

"Can you please not bring that again?" You were already more angry about where things were going.

"Why?" 

"Look, we lost, okay? I'm as angry as you, but right now Laura has nothing to do with that." Losing 4-0 was never a good experience, even more so when it's against your best friend's team.

"Of course she has something to do with it when she scored a brace and that you didn't do anything to stop her." 

"I'm a striker; that's not my principal job to stop opponents offensives. That's your job, so stop being mad at something you should have done!" You also started to raise your voice. To be completely honest, you didn't like raising your voice and even more on Lena, even when she's mean like that.

"You know what? I don't know why we decided to start this." She said with a seemingly quieter voice. "Maybe it was a mistake."

You took a moment to analyze what she said before asking, "What do you mean? What was a mistake?" 

"Everything. This match. Us. Everything." She replied with a light sob.

"Babe, you're not doing what I think?" You asked even if you already knew the answer.

"Sorry, Y/n but it doesn't work between. I think we need to break up and start to focus more on ourselves than us." She replied. There was a loud silence while you were processing everything.

"No, Lena, please, you can't." 

"I'm sorry, Y/n." She said while she made her way to the door of your apartment. "I'll ask Jule to pick up my thing during the week. Good bye." She finished her sentence by closing the door behind her, letting you alone in front of the door with a blurry vision drowned in tears and a last memory of your lover ending what seemed to be the best thing in your life.

This night, you cried a lot. The other half of the bed being totally empty was the principal reason. Even before you started to date, Lena had a lot of sleepovers at your place, and most of the time you would both fall asleep on your bed after talking for hours about everything and nothing, like you didn't spend almost all your day together.

Crossing that door broke not only your relationship with her but also your friendship.

A few kilometers away from Wolfsburg, your best friend started to worry when she didn't receive any text from you. You always texted each other after a game, even if you played against each other. It was like a silent promise that you made.

At first, she thought that you were just trying to seek comfort with your girlfriend, but when the next day, Jule called her to let her know that you hadn't contacted any members of the team for the whole day, it started to worry her.

You still didn't know why you did this, but after Lena broke up with you, you called Tommy and told him that you needed some time to yourself before leaving the city. The ride was like usual; you knew it so well for a while now. When you arrived at your destination, it was already past 12 a.m. You didn't have to make the call to know that she would be there.

Laura was desperately trying to reach you when she heard someone knock on her door. She didn't wait until she opened the door to face you. You were exhausted because of the ride, and from your face, she knew that you didn't sleep eight hours the previous night.

"What are you doing here?" The midfielder asked but didn't wait for your answer to drag you into her apartment. "Jule called me; she said that you didn't reply when she called you and that something bad happened yesterday." Your best friend told you, very worried, and when you replied with nothing but silence, her state didn't change for the best. "Y/n? What's wrong?"

Hearing this question made you remember why you were there. Tears started to roll down your cheeks, and you didn't do anything to stop them.

"She left me." You said between sobs, making your best friend look at you confused. "She broke up with me." You added before falling apart. The Frankfurt player held you in her arms, trying to comfort you while her jaw was clenched. She was ready to kill the Wolfsburg player.

"Hey, I'll prepare the spare bedroom and let you rest well." She proposed after you started to calm down. When you nodded, she stood up and took your bags and put them in the spare room.

One hour later, you were sleeping while Laura was just ending a call with your mom when she told her that you had decided to spend some time in hers. She was pouring a cup of water, trying to calm her anger, when she heard someone knock on her door. Once the door opened, the midfielder was greeted by two of your national teammates.

"Where is she?" Anyomie asked. Laura pointed to the spare bedroom with her head, letting the forward find you.

"I swear I'll kill Lena." Sara declared while she followed the younger player.

"Not if I beat you on that," Laura said.

"Did she tell you why?"

"No, she came; she cried, and I prepared her a room, and she fell asleep almost instantly." The defender hummed, trying to understand everything.

~~~~~

You spent almost all the week at Laura, sometimes leaving to see your mom, who still lived in Frankfurt. After that week, you made your way back to Wolfsburg. The rest of the season was not really better because you finished second, just behind Bayern, and lost against Barcelona in the Champions League final.

Because of the situation with Lena and because Wolfsburg was not too excited to make you sign a new contract, when Frankfurt proposed to you to join them, you accepted instantly. This move made you distance yourself from Lena for a long period of time. But things couldn't stay like that when you had your national camp.

At camp, it was clear that your situation with the Wolfsburg player. You knew it because of some glare some players sent to her when you arrived. Thankfully for you, you were quickly dragged away by Jule and a few Bayern players. While you were distracted, Laura made her way to Lena with an unreadable face.

"Oh, ooh, someone is about to get killed right now." Lina said, alerting Alexandra.

The two younger women walk away from any attention before coming back a few minutes later. Lena had a rather scared expression, while Laura seemed satisfied.

Whatever your best friend told your ex-girlfriend, it made her stay away from you for at least a few days. But being on the same team meant that sometimes you had to face her. Thankfuly, every time you did, you were not alone. Since a few weeks now, you have spent all your free time with Sydney when you were not stuck with Laura.

Seeing this started to make Lena obviously jealous. It was so obvious that Merle and Alex had to keep an eye on the younger Wolfsburg player to be sure she didn't do something stupid.

~~~~~

What should be something rather private, started to worry the team when yours and Lena's performances on the pitch were worse than they should be. It was clear that things between you started to invade the professional side, and you felt bad for that because your teammates shouldn't have to suffer from that.

After the last game before the trip to Ocenia for the World Cup, you were requested by your captains in your and Laura's room.

"What's going on here?" You asked when you saw your ex-Wolfsburg captain on your bed.

"Y/n, we need to talk." Svenja told you gently, but you could sense that she was not really happy about whatever would happen.

You sat in front of them, waiting for one of them to start to speak, but your door got opened before that.

"Oh, sorry." Lena said when she saw you and your confused expression.

"No, Lena, stay here. We need to talk to you too." Alex said. The midfielder awkwardly sat between her two teammates. "Do you have any idea why we asked you to come here?" The tall captain asked, receiving two confused faces plus a groan from you.

"Okay, maybe we should ask others too." Svenja said, and you didn't have time to question it until your door burst open and all your teammates were there.

"What the hell are you doing here?" you asked.

"The real question is, why do we have to be there?" Sara asked, visibly tired; she just woke up from a nap.

"Sorry, Sara, I promise that we will not bother you after that, but it's really important." Svenja said.

"Oh, are we finally talking about the elephant in the room?" Jule asked before sitting next to Svenja.

"So, who wants to say it?" Alex's question earned a lot of raised hands. "I think you should do it, Laura." The captain said all the other girls whined or groaned in deception. Now your attention was on your best friend.

"You guys are terrible." Laura started referring to you and Lena. "We know that there is a whole problem between you; nobody can miss it. But we think that there are a lot of things that you didn't say to each other, and that starts to affect the team. So, I think you need to work on that because I promise you that it starts killing us to see you unable to connect on and off the pitch." The Frankfurt player explained, earning a nod from everyone, confirming what she said.

You and Lena look at each other. It was the first time you really looked at her since the breakup, and it's useless to say that despite what happened, you couldn't deny that she was still the same girl you fell in love with. The midfielder couldn't deny that either. When everyone noticed the looks, they took their clues and left you to talk.

The silence was a little cringe at first, but she knew she had to say something. "I'm sorry," she started. "I shouldn't act like that. I knew how you felt about being yelled at, and I still did that. I'm sorry, really."

"It's okay." You accepted her apology rather quickly, which seemed to surprise her. "But..." Of course there was a 'but'; there is always one. "You still need to apologize for something else." You reminded her.

The brunette looked at you for a moment, then quickly looked around the room. "I'm also sorry to believe that you cheated on me with Laura. I know that you hate when people ship on you, but I still use that to break up with you because I couldn't take all the pressure." She stopped for a moment, and her eyes started to shine. "I should have talked with you instead of ending this. I couldn't find peace for a few weeks after this day." 

You moved to sit next to her and grab her hand. "I accept your apology, but it really hurt me. And it was from you, so it was even worse. I loved you; no, I still love you because even after that, it is almost impossible to hate you. I don't know about you, but I really want to try again, but before that, you need to promise me to talk to me when things start to get too much." You finished by wiping her baby tears and leaving a kind kiss on her cheek.

"Yes, I promise you." She replied immediately, making you laugh. "Wait, you really want to try again despite everything?" she asked when she finally understood what you said.

"Yes, but before that, you need to prove that you deserve it and also apologize to Laura." You said before standing up and escorting her to the door.

"Wait, can I still ask you if I can pick you up tomorrow for a date?" It was really quick, but you had to admit that her confidence was one of the reasons you admired her. When you nodded, her face suddenly shone. "Okay, it's a date then." She clarified before selling the deal with a quick kiss on your lips.

[dionisonoid]

my futile thoughts on Nosferatu (2024) because I can spew shit and I will

We all agree that aesthetically speaking this movie was breath taking and like my lovely @ronnie-trexia said "very tumblr" I wonder if we could have had a different kind of story where the final acceptance for Ellen's longing for connection and, can we say, mosterfucking would end on a brighter note. But I am pleased with the ending, it is so beautiful and we get to see a very sick and capturating expression of love, her hands exploring the decaying flesh, embracing Count Orlok in their last moments of both life and death.

I wish we could have had more time with professor Albin Eberthart Von Franz it feels rushed, I wonder if in the director's cut we will have more about him. But I really love how he is the first person to really see Ellen and the only person to help her, actually, without being scared and without having her sedated. He is listening and he is the only one to accept the situation for what it is. Friedrich says he can't accept it and being married to the moral and control rather then his family it makes sense how it ends for him yk.

Thomas on the other hand being called by Orlok, at first surely can't resist but in the end he is the only one to survive (with the professor as well). Maybe because he was able to consider the unspeakable or maybe because he saw the horror before everyone else and was able to process and accept it.

Because I think, at the end of this movie, it all comes down to the theme of acceptance.

Orlok is the definition of pure evil (loved the children being killed as well) something impossible to argue with let alone fight. If we are put in front of the most dark and scary forces of this world what should we do? The answer could be accept it to let it die on its own. We merely can comprehend most of the things we encounter in our lives and when something horrible happens that is out of our control what can we do? Accept it seems the only real answer. Through acceptance we can digest it and finally letting it go. This ofc doesn't mean we must accept being tortured or assaulted but to me it speaks of the things we can't, by any means, control. Illnesses, death, even breakups and accidents. We as humans tend to be very obsessive, overthink everything and more often then not blaming ourselves for things we couldn't have known or predict. Ellen doesn't not have a real sin to face she truly only wanted connection, to be loved and to be accepted. And yet everyone treated her like shit. So when the evil comes to your door I fear the advice is letting in, don't be too scared, see what it does, what it has to offer, eventually it will go away because everything changes every minute. But most importantly try to fuck it, It might just work.

[bidisasterevankinard]

Reading your posts and some of the discussions in comments about the possible Buck and Tommy reunion you seem to be against things with Buck and Tommy being sexual first without them figuring out their relationship status first. I think part of why you seem to be running into more "FWB" than other people in your comments s may be because you consider "ex sex"/"hooking up with an ex without determining your relationship status first" as "FWB"?

FWB would pretty much mean Tommy and Buck did talk and decide to be friends but also decide to still have sex even though they're not in a romantic relationship.

Ex sex/hooking up is what I am seeing a lot of in the theories and spec fic. FWB is actually kinda rare and I don't think that many people in fandom do support that. Most seem to think Buck and Tommy will have sex without ever talking about the breakup/the past/the future at all, meaning they never decide to be "friends" which is a pretty big part of FWB.

I'm not against them being sexual, I'm against the idea of them falling to bed without discussion. They would agree it's just fwb and eventually move on completely? Cool

No? it's them hurting each other with no talking and having sex and then they're magically ok after Tommy's possible situation? That I'm against

People call even this situation fwb and i mostly too

So allow me rephrase: I don't want Buck and Tommy start hooking up before they will talk and decide anything about their relationships

I also won't be the biggest fan if they will actually agree to be fwb and pine over each other because it would just make it again them hurting each other and themselves over trying to be truthful and in the process hurt each other. And we saw enough of it with break up

But hey Tim loves Buck childish and reuse old stuff so who said Tommy can't become new Taylor right? Let's fall in bed and/or relationship and not talk about the center problem of our relationship till we crack so bad we can't even stay friends

Why try give Buck growth and the partner to grow with?

I'm not against bucktommy being sexual, I'm against it being used to hurt their relationships only more till it's nothing good in canon left and leaves bittersweet taste on you forever even with all the fanart

[apt502-if]

Lowkey after the breakup with Rainn I was getting scared for my MC, idk if it was just how I was playing it but they seemed almost suicidally depressed, you wrote it really well but I was genuinely concerned that there was gonna be like a jumping off the balcony choice cause I just kept choosing options where my MC was so distraught and crying all the time it was so sad T-T Also crying to their mom about Rainn not loving them anymore AAAAAA 😭😭😭 I know Rainn lives in floor above 502 so I was wondering what their reaction would be to maybe overhearing Mc say that? maybe if they had their window open or something idk. Assuming they even live in the same side of the building lol. my heart broke with the MC I think that’s why Rainn is so popular, you’ve put us in the shoes of MC so well and since Mc isn’t over Rainn neither are the readers. Was Rainn not happy in the relationship for a while and MC didn’t notice? Idk they seemed so over it while MC was spiraling. anyway your demo made me cry for MC but take that as a compliment for writing so good :]

I can't say a lot on their reaction and stuff because it would be spoil Rainn's route :P I feel like Rainn's thought process and how they feel about MC and their relationship post-breakup is better as we get to know them more, but I can say Rainn would feel really bad. And guilty. And probably hate themself. That break up was the hardest thing they've had to do and they mean that. Even harder than law school and their admissions test bwahaha

I'm happy it touched you. I understand that's likely why Rainn is so popular too. MC not being over Rainn (in a day) is canon and there's no way around it. We have to experience MC's heartbreak but it'll be nice to experience them moving on as well :) (or making Rainn beg and that's even more satisfying :p)

[walmartbrandwhatever]

continuing on with the pony died au imagine what happens with cherry. (some don't care about her, but i do!) I might turn this into a oneshot later, but heres me yapping bc the qpr server has me going crazy about Pony dying at the fountain au rn.

imagine that night cherry is in her room still trying to process her breakup with bob and trying to block out the smell of alcohol and the running water coming from the locked bathroom. she stuck laying in her bed just blankly at her ceiling tossing and turning when she hears a knock on her window. confused she pushes herself up and off her bed and grabbed the nearest object she cpuld find and pushed back her curtains to reveal her now ex boyfriend.

confused, she’s opens her window to a distressed bob who is rambling on about something, but it's inconceivable. shushing him quickly, she helps him into her room and closes the window behind him. she glances towards the door and prays her father doesn't walk in. not when he's drunk. sitting bob down on her bed, she tries to get him to tell her what happened. even though she had ended things, she still loves him, and she can't find it in herself to turn him away when he's in a state his in.

in the light she can now see the blood stained clothes and knuckles which makes her heart sink. another fight and part of her deep down wonders if it was ponyboy's blood. she can't being herself to sit down next to him so she just stands infront of him with her arms crossed. he goes on to describe the events that just took place and her heart is pounding in her ears. never once did she think bob would actually kill someone. she takes a few steps away from him as he stands up and steps towards her for any kind of comfort. this was not the man she had fallen in love with. this man- no this boy isn't bob Sheldon who would hold her as she cried over her parents. this wasn't bob Sheldon who would show her the truest bits of himself. this was the boy who drunk himself to sleep and got all his anger off on boys that didn't even look his way.

she tells him to leave even though it breaks her heart. she still loves Bob Sheldon but not this boy in front of her. not anymore.

his pleads eventually stop and he leaves her standing alone in her cold room that they had once found comfort I'm eachother. his arms no longer warm just cold and covered by the blood of a kid who wanted nothing more then to run off and watch sunsets. of a boy who just wanted the love from his brother who couldn't seem to catch a break. and she just wanted to curl up and cry.

ponyboy curtis was a boy who had come In to her life for a day and completely changed it. had showed her a side of the world she had been completely obvious to. part of her feels guilty because she had been the one to invite him and Johnny to sit next to her. she had been the one who had pissed bob off. she should have just gone with bob...

the next few days she was in and out of questioning. she answers truthfully but she knows the cops have never cared for the Eastside and she knows it's a losing battle. a unfair battle lost. she tries to work up the courage to say something to ponyboys family but she doesn't because they are going through it enough and she doesn't think she could stand to see their broken faces so she doesn't.

she instead spends her time at the hospital volunteering and avoiding the faces of ponyboys friends nonexistent in her life until one day her car runs outta gas and the only place she can fill it is at the dx. she had been mindlessly moving through her days. marcia has tried to get her to open up but the star cheerleader just stays closed. bobs hopeless looks to her at school didn't help her guilt and anger.

marcia had asked her to join her to train for the upcoming rodeo and she had missed barrel racing so she was quick to agree plus she need a distraction from the world which seemed to have different plans for her. coming face to face with one ponyboys older brother, sodapop had tossed her world around.

she has know him for years yet they had been so far from each other. seeing the boy who had been so quick to talk to her when they were younger turn into a boy who looked on the brink of death had completely thrown her off. could this be the same boy who couldn't stop giving her stupid letters as a kid. the same letters she kept hidden in her closet which held the forgotten what ifs that she had thought about before bob. before life had gotten so complicated.

his blue eyes that she had once been so excited to see as a kid no longer comforting now that they were older. she had truly fought with herself to forget the past but the constant comfort those thoughts of being ale to live without having to truly think about staus was nice.

pushing past her fear she walked towards the counter where he was standing behind she gave a quick hello which wasn't met with a response. she quickly pays for her gas and the small snack she had picked out but stops when she hears soda speak.

"you're his girlfriend right? Bob Sheldon."

his voice no longer something that brighten the room just cold and harsh. she turns to meet his eyes and all she can see is the anger and pain he must be feeling. she can't find herself to blame him for that. she can feel her heart swell and pound.

"not...anymore. I had broken up with him that night at the drive-in"

she could see him process her words then just deflate. he simply gave her a soft 'oh' before taking his eyes off of her. he looks so tired and she wanted nothing more then to give any comfort towards him but she doesn't know him. she never did but she wished she could've gotten to know the boy pony had raved about that night.

she leaves without another word but doesn't leave without once last look to the shell of the boy she had once knew. she doesn't see him for years after that, nor the boy that had been with ponyboy that night and she wonders if that's more blood on bobs hands but she doesn't know because she leaves the first chance she gets because she can't stand the town where everything had gone so wrong.

cherry valance, a girl who couldn't deal with the pain caused from a boy she hadn't been able to know.

[poppyandzena]

Sorry for the long comment. Feel free to post this in pieces or whatever is easier for you. The most recent relationship of Poppy’s is something deserving of documentation. It’s less explosive than the previous ones, but that’s what makes it important.

This isn’t a case where Poppy is claiming assault, abuse, manipulation, or any of the accusations from the more famous breakups. Instead, this seems like a case where Poppy fell for this new person, they met in person, the new person pulled back after the meetup, and then decided it wasn't a good fit.  It sounds like a straightforward, typical dating situation where it just didn’t work out. They seem to have started flirting in either October or November. The new partner came to visit for one week (according to posts) on January 12. So they likely stayed until about January 19th. By February 2nd, Poppy was posting about conflict and how upset they were about the partner distancing. By February 4th, it’s clear there was a breakup/hiatus. And it could’ve just been that, but instead, this is how Poppy publicly handles it:

March 3:  QUOTE: “Mental note, it is not okay to keep someone in relationship purgatory for a month & a half. (with a link to the music video for Stabbing  Westward’s “What Do I Have to Do”)”     People should lookup the lyrics to that song. It is about begging a person to come back because the main character is aware that they were selfish and a let-down, but they’ve changed now.

March 2: QUOTE: “This is @galaxybunny.bsky.social  holding me after our mutual partner leaves over stupid fucking reasons.”  (with any image one person sobbing into the arms of another person)

March 1: QUOTE: “$160 custom collar, check. 3D printed hand painted by me gift box, check. $140 Lovense Toy for distance play, check. Girl doesn't get that the relationship was serious. D'oh. #relationships #breakups #pettybitch”

Comments from March 1 post: “She was supposed to become my sub. I take care of my toys.”  “I like spoiling people. The cost doesn't matter. It is more the meaning behind a collar and toy.”

March 1: QUOTE: “The thing that sucks is that I did everything right & still got fucked in the end. Makes me wonder why I even try.”

February 18: QUOTE: “My therapist shared this with me after a really hard session & I can't stop crying...  𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐬 𝐮𝐬 𝐛𝐨𝐭𝐡 i𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧’𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐢𝐧 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧’𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐞  𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐈 𝐠𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐡 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬 𝐈 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐞 𝐬𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐝𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬 𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐈 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐬𝐚𝐥𝐯𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐚 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐠𝐧𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐭𝐡��𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐬 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐈 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞  𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐞 - 𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐎𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐛𝐲 𝐊𝐞𝐢𝐫𝐚 𝐕𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐤𝐨𝐥𝐤” 

February 15: QUOTE “Ghosting is an interpersonal violence used by people who want an easy way out the hurts them and the other in the process. #relationships #ghosting #emotionalabuse  #interpersonalviolence #mentalhealth”

February 11: QUOTE “I understand the idea behind this but I find this way of being emotionally unavailable. What are we defining as disrespect? Is me bringing up something that bothers me "drama"? I get this idea with online debates but interpersonally, I think this is unhealthy. #communication #mentalhealth”  (The image that was shared said: “Silence is my new answer to disrespect. I no longer react. I no longer argue & I no longer dive into drama. I simply remove my presence.)

February 5: QUOTE “I asked her to stop emotionally distance & fight for us. She sent back platitudes, threw my words back in my face, & misunderstood me. Part of me just wants to hope & wait. Part of me wants to mourn the relationship & assume its over. I love her & this sucks. #relationships #BPD #frustrated”

February 5: QUOTE “Silver lining: my partner’s abusive ex can stop stalking my account with an alt. He wanted her scared and paranoid. Mission accomplished.”

That’s only the posts that talk specifically about how Poppy did nothing wrong, and how the other person is completely wrong. It doesn’t include the many other posts with lyrics and poems that are sad. Here’s the timeline of the relationship, from only Poppy’s posts:

Relationship starts sometime before November, but very quietly with no tagging, and small references to a “crush”.  This timing overlapped with a very public breakup with Saige, with a lot of drama and posts between those two, as well, but that’s a separate conversation.

December 28: QUOTE “To the girl I am quickly falling in love with…” (link to the music video for Stand With You on a Mountain)

December 30: QUOTE “14 days until I get to see the girl I love”

December 31: QUOTE “13 days until I get to see the girl I love”

January 2: QUOTE “11 days until the girl I loves comes and visits me for a week”

January 6: QUOTE “7 days until the snuggle apocalypse is upon us & my love comes to visit’

January 6: QUOTE “I am strongly distrustful of any person who claims to never experience jealousy, especially if the person identifies as poly. Jealousy is a natural part of the human condition. There is a reason I think relationship anarchy is a toxic system. It violates all known understanding of attachment.”

January 7: QUOTE “6 days until she is in my arms & in my bed”

January 9: QUOTE “3 days, 23 hours, 22 minutes, until the woman I love is in my arms and

January 10: QUOTE “2 days, 14 hours, until my lover is in my arms… Hint to something” (with an image of a symbol of a tattoo from One Piece)

JANUARY 14: While the new partner was presumably 1 day into their week long visit, Saige posted her long statement about her time with Poppy and Zena. This resulted in a lot of attention and speculation from many places, but Poppy did not post much during this time period. There were occasional references to being amused by the drama, but nothing worth quoting.

January 21: QUOTE “Conflict can be generative rather than destructive” (with link to an article)

February 2: QUOTE “Rough from last night. We had lot of hard emotional discussions combined with migraines. I just feel exhausted. I just want to sleep. I hate feeling like an after thought.”

February 3: QUOTE “A fantastic article about emotionally unavailable people. #abandonment #trauma #emotionallyunavailable #mentalhealth #mentalillness www.choosingtherapy.com/emotionally-...”

February 3: QUOTE “I made my boundaries and needs known. It is up to the person I love to decide whether they will show up or let fear reign. I have hope...”  (included an image that said: “Fear kills more dreams than failure ever will”

Comment from February 3: “I am so scared. I have hope but I am also concerned that fear will win and I will lose someone incredibly important to me. God, this is fucking hard.”

February 3: QUOTE “I am exhausted.  #MentalHealth #AbandonmentIssues #Relationships #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPD #MentalIllness #PursuerWithdrawerDynamic”  (included an image that said: “I’m not saying I don’t want you…. Cause I do… But I am tired of chasing after you”)

February 3: QUOTE “Barely slept (1-2 hours at most). Panic attacks most of the night. Cancelling my first two appointments of the day to hopefully sleep. If people could not say cruel BPD triggering shit before I go to bed, that would be great”

February 3: QUOTE “How can people who deal w/#abandonment issues/#BPD engage in the exact behavior that triggers them? I get it clinically, but it still hurts. If you are afraid of being discarded, you should have known how painful it is to feel someone distance or say unintentionally cruel things. #BPD”

February 4: QUOTE “Sleep was rough last night. The quality sucked. Kept worrying about about my situation. Thinking about how great it felt to have them in my arms, to watch shows with them that they were so excited share, or their lips on mine.”

Comments from February 4: “I am lucky to have @galaxybunny.bsky.social. They are my fiance. Sadly, our partner needs time to herself due to her behavior & a lot of trauma that was unearthed. I appreciate the care. I hope my love comes back or I find someone who genuinely wants me. Fuck, this is hard. I hope this leads to clear minds & not resentment.”

February 5: QUOTE “I asked her to stop emotionally distance & fight for us. She sent back platitudes, threw my words back in my face, & misunderstood me. Part of me just wants to hope & wait. Part of me wants to mourn the relationship & assume its over. I love her & this sucks. #relationships #BPD #frustrated”

February 5: QUOTE “Saying I miss you and hearing back that they miss you but not as much or in the same way because they “like isolation” is kind of fucked when talking to someone with #abandonmentissues or #BPD. It is a hallmark of being emotionally unavailable. You deserve someone who yearns for you”

February 5: QUOTE “No matter what happens. It is going to be okay. I am done with letting myself be overly worked up by people leaving & them breaking their word”

February 5: QUOTE “Every time I'm about to play #D&D, it falls apart. Starting to think I am cursed.  1) Falls apart because of drama.  2) DM backs out because of life stuff.  3) DM & person who invited us do not communicate & avoid conflict.   4) DM is a partner & we go on hiatus.  Seriously, that shit is frustrating.

February 5: QUOTE “Well, now that me & ZZ's relationship with our partner is on indefinite hiatus. I am also down a DM, which means I am still boned on a D&D game.”

Ah well, it sucks but at least I finally found a Paladin subclass I like... February 5: QUOTE “No matter what happens. It is going to be okay. I am done with letting myself be overly worked up by people leaving & them breaking their word.

February 7: QUOTE “I deserve people in my life who want me & love me & aren't going to use me, abuse me, or be so afraid of opening up/making choices that they leave.  #mentalhealth #love #relationships”

February 8: QUOTE “I’m so tired of being used…”

February 14: QUOTE “Good, but I think we need to address some of the inherent assumptions in poly just as we address the assumptions in mono. As long as emotions such as possessiveness, jealousy, & a desire to not interact with #metamours are demonized or conditions like #BPD are treated as abusive. I won't be #poly.”

Also, bonus repost that Poppy shared on February 2: “A relationship doesn't have to be what everyone in the world would agree is "abusive" to make you feel like garbage. Don't let definitions get you up in your head about whether you have the "right" to set boundaries w/ or end a relationship that's causing you harm.” This is how Poppy feels about people. This is how she handles it when people pull back. THIS is what Poppy wants you to believe NF SHOULD have done, instead of handling it at the hotel, if they really just didn't want to be together anymore and it wasn't just about taking advantage of Poppy. THIS is why people who really know Poppy laugh when Poppy tries to claim that Spawn never tried to talk about things or handled leaving like an adult. There is no way to leave a relationship with Poppy unscathed.  No matter how you go about it, she will make it your fault, vilify you and dedicate hundreds or posts to telling the world was a monster you are.

This is amazingly comprehensive. Thank you.

[blondeaxolotl]

HELLO IT’S ME IT’S SELF-AWARE FLOYD ANON BUT YOU CAN CALL ME -> 🐍 THAT FROM NOW ON SOREY I’M TYPING IN ALL CAPS I NEED TO GET THIS OUT YIUR BRAIN IS SOIOOOO BIG IM GONNA JFHSJFHDKJFJ

ok calmed down basically I read your response and had to stand up and go scream “FUCK” in the corner of my bedroom and then typed the above thing in a fugue state I’m calmer now

Because you got me thinking: you got me thinking?!!! that self-aware Floyd ONLY loses it when he realizes Jamil is doubting whether or not Floyd loved him BECAUSE!! SEA SNAKE WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??! YOU BREAKIMG IP WITH ME AND ME LOVING YOU ARE TWO SEPARATE ISSUES?????

And Jamil is like WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEYRE SEPARATE ISSUES but obviously they’re not going to. Communicate any of that. Like even remotely SO what happens is that at some point post breakup when they’re still in school they bump into each other again (with Kalim and octavinelle trio there for drama purposes) and Jamil is fucking acidic. Like ice cold but spitting mad and venomous. Because though jamil processes anger through repression he processes hurt through anger!!

And like at this point people have gotten used to Jamil letting loose a bit after his overblot and he’s always been pseudo-hostile towards octavinelle for the sake of it but even he went like “whoa Jamil??” And octavinelle trio (even Floyd) is all like ????????????????? because wtf did azul do this time but then Jamil storms off and Kalim hurries after him and Floyd has this slow sinking feeling in his chest that something’s really really wrong

And it gets worse because now Floyd’s trying to ask but Jamil is so fucking mad at him, he doesn’t yell at Floyd or anything but it’s so obvious and it’s nothing like the fights they used to have when they were dating, this is something completely cold and made to hurt, and Floyd can’t figure out what’s going on and his hackles are raising day by day — he thought Jamil was going to feel relieved that Floyd went without a fuss? he thought that they would still — he didn’t know what he thought, but nothing was going to come from that now when Jamil seems to hate him and oh no no no no he can’t deal with that —

And Jade is finally catching on because Floyd isn’t just sulking, he’s upset, and this makes it worse for Floyd because he can’t deal with Jade and azul’s nosiness on top of everything else —

Sorry. Yeah just. Floyd having a bad time 💕

Hehe hi 🐍Anon glad you enjoyed the ramble

People have gotten used to Jamil letting loose a bit, but I also think so many people would notice even MORE if Jamil is just constantly giving this death stare towards Octavinelle, like to the point other dorms start making comments about it "Woah what is going on with them" "What happened". Hell it wouldn't even surprise me if rumours or theories started going on because I'm pretty it would've been known that Jamil and Floyd had a thing going on and now they don't, and now Jamil looks like he's seconds away from Overblot 2.0. Unfortunately it'd also mean everyone is just side eying Octavinelle (specifically Floyd) cause bro..... what did you do.....?

Poor Ace probably walked up to Floyd like "Dude I don't know what you did and I don't want to know but like- apologise or something because I feel like I'm walking past a nuke whenever Jamil goes by me", and poor Floyd, head in hands just goes bro I don't know what I did he's REFUSING to talk to me, and Ace without a filter goes OH so you MAJORLY fucked up, got it. And gets smacked on the head for that THATS NOT HELPING.

Though the THOUGHT about Jade catching on... y'k that ain't a good thing, not for Floyd, especially not for Jamil. If Azul was the one to catch on Floyd was actually full on upset about it, he'd offer to help him (because if Floyd is depressed that means he can't properly do work for Mostro and that ain't good for the business) and try to talk to Jamil for him. It might be easier since Jamil would be too busy hating Floyd to hate on Azul or it'd make things more difficult and Azul would have to talk to Kalim and have him talk to Jamil about it. Simple enough.

But Jade catching on. Like there is a reason why Floyd doesn't like expressing his sadness to people, ESPECIALLY TO JADE. In my mind, Jade is much much worse than Floyd, he found out his brother was like obviously upset, depressed even because of how hostile Jamil is being towards him. Jade's first instinct would probably be "Ah, so do you want me to talk to him or do you want me to turn him into shoes" and Floyd is just like NEITHER. DON'T DO EITHER I'LL FIGURE IT OUT. Now Floyd is not only upset because Jamil won't talk to him, but he's also upset because he accidentally showed his brother he was upset about this which means Jade might be stalking Jamil from around the corner and now he's praying Jamil doesn't accidentally walk TOO close to him, since he cannot warn him BECAUSE HE WONT TALK TO HIM OR LISTEN TO HIM.

Now what if Jamil had enough time for himself to where he's starting to feel bad a bit, was he too harsh on him? He DID try to talk to him during all this, but was that part of his game? Maybe he should give him a second chance.. Just this once. And right when Jamil looks up from his book, he sees Jade from the distance. Now Jamil went from "Maybe I should talk to him" to "Oh my fucking god he sent Jade after me", in a silent panic. Listen Floyd is difficult to read, but Jade is much worse as in you don't know what he's planning but you know it's something much worse than whatever you might be thinking it could be. And it doesn't help even with how far he is from him, Jamil could see someone was literally GRIPPING onto Jade's arm, as if to not let him go because something bad might happen.

Now we have Jamil who's gone from pissed to scared to pissed again because now he's thinking Floyd literally sent Jade after him and who knows what he will do, and we have Floyd still tweaking trying to figure out how to talk to Jamil without him giving him the cold shoulder but also worrying on where the hell Jade could be and hoping Azul has him under control.

What's better than Flojami angst? Putting one of them in danger basically! Yippee! Throws sparkles everywhere

[literali1110]

Rookie 6x07 Thoughts

A few general thoughts:

This entire Bailey Nolan baby storyline is so cringy, also why is Celina talking to Nolan about this?

I don't love podcam eps, I feel as though you don't always get as much emotion from the characters. Plus all of these eps seem the same - missing person, helicopter, personal conversation over the radios...

"your sister" - why can't they name her??

Celina: I do not like the way she (and Nolan) talked about Lucy this episode. I didn't care for Celina before but this made me really not like her, it seems like she's just using Lucy for a place to live. I feel like Lucy should just live alone at this point.

The last scene with Lucy and Tamara was super sweet! Is this the last of Tamara though?

Tim/Lucy/Chenford Thoughts:

I can't believe they finally gave us a betting pool only to make it into a breakup pool - talking about cheating, secret kid - it seriously feels like they read everything we write and then use it to laugh at us

I liked how Lucy was dealing with things this episode for the most part: I liked that she walked away from Tim and that she gave him a piece of her mind at the end of the episode. And realized she can't help him if he doesn't want it/let her.

I enjoyed the ride along with Grey, I liked that he checked in about detective exam too

Loved her little "I should decide what I deserve" monologue, I hope she gets to say it all to Tim eventually

Blair was blunt with Tim but ultimately I think she got through to him, he was trying to cover it up but he seemed emotional. I just wish he was going through this process with a non-potential villain.

Didn't love that he still insists he was her boss not her friend, maybe this is also to protect her?

The hallway conversation: I feel like Tim was acting even worse here to Lucy in comparison to the breakup - first, trying to pretend everything is normal, and then doubling down on the breakup and saying he can't be what she needs (rude!). Good for her for responding how she did.

I think it highlighted even more how much work Tim needs to do on himself before we can even think about them moving forward. And in addition - he's going to need to make it up to Lucy. I think he was still so wrapped up in himself this episode he hasn't totally realized how much he her hurt her too. The conversation probably helped him realize he needed more help.

I'm interested in seeing where things go, I could see him apologizing to Lucy in the finale and telling her he's in therapy, as a first step - but her still not taking him back (I would like that).

I liked that he went to get help at the end. When I watched it, the idea of it being a suggestive shot did not cross my mind at all - and I don't think that was what they were going for unless it was meant to be ominous because of the office camera? If something happens between them I would NOT be ok with it!

I do wonder what he meant about it being an emergency - it seemed to allude to her comment earlier about self-harm/suicide but I'm not sure that was what they meant??

[authorautumnbanks]

One Night (17)

"Oh, he looks like he has a big dick," Yuka whispers, as she leans forward, resting her arms on the table. "Girl, that's who you need to move on with. Even if it's just for one night." She's still dressed in her office attire, with her coat hanging on the back of the chair.

The pop-up cafe is not nearly as busy as it is during the day, but the service is still nice and the cat decor keeps Koushi's interest. Because it is so close to the apartment, Kagome opted to walk over rather than drive.

Eri sniffs and looks up from her bowl of ice cream. She blushes and her mouth drops. "He's freaking hot!" Eri tugs at her shirt collar. "Damn, he looks like he likes it rough. Looks rich too... but he's got a kid with him." Eri falters for a second.

Kagome shakes her head and pats Koushi's back. "I think you need to take some time for yourself."

Eri frowns and then brightens. "Oh! He's coming over here." She grabs a napkin and dabs her eyes. "How do I look?" She pushes her breasts up.

"You look fine." Eri should take some time to heal from her breakup, but she's a grown woman and Kagome can't say much to her, especially since Eri and the girls told her long ago to leave InuYasha alone. But... the breakup just happened today. Eri really should allow herself some time to process everything.

Eri scoots back and stands. "Hi!" She tucks her hair behind her ear.

Kagome blinks and looks up. "Satoru? What are you doing here?"

Satoru pushes his shades up and then kisses her. Shippo huffs from his place on Satoru's shoulders. "Saw you in the window. We were on our way to pick up the pizzas."

Koushi squirms and holds out his hands. Satoru picks him up and holds him out in front of him. Shippo grabs Satoru's shades and puts them on.

"Uhhh Kagome?" Eri says. "You know this man?"

Kagome blinks. "This is Satoru, Koushi, and Shippo's dad." Kagome points at Eri. "Satoru, this is Eri, Yuka, and Ayumi. We've known each other since middle school."

The girls freeze and their eyes snap to Shippo.

"Oh... but you guys aren't together now?"

Satoru grunts. Kagome tilts her head slightly to the side. Aren't together? Satoru just kissed her. "We are together." She stands and grabs her purse. "Satoru, could you give us a moment?"

Satoru stares for a moment and then nods his head. He doesn't look back as he walks out of the pop up cafe with Shippo and Koushi.

"Sorry for keeping you guys in the dark about a lot of things," Kagome says. "And not telling you guys about Shippo."

"You said Koushi was a one-night stand," Eri says. "And you didn't have his number."

"There were some things going on and—"

Ayumi holds up a hand. "I think it's better that we don't know. That's why you didn't share before, right?"

"Ayumi!"

"As long as he treats you right, then I'm fine with him," Ayumi continues. "He seemed better than InuYasha, at least at a glance."

Kagome smiles. Out of all her friends, Ayumi is the only one that truly has her back.

"You guys cannot be serious. Suddenly, Kagome has another kid we don't know about?"

"Eri, hush. You're just mad you can't hop on his dick." Ayumi rolls her eyes.

The smile slides off Kagome's face. Her stomach churns. Right, Eri was talking about Satoru. She waits for Eri to deny it, but instead Eri blusters and sits back down in the chair.

So, it's like that. Kagome sucks her teeth and plasters a smile on her face. "I'm going to head out early." Not that she was planning to stay for very long anyway, but when Eri hit the group chat up saying it was an emergency, Kagome wanted to be there for her. "Maybe next time we should meet up at a spa close by?"

"Oh, that would be wonderful," Ayumi says. Yuka nods and then elbows Eri.

"... Yeah. Sure."

Kagome narrows her eyes. "Is it really because of Satoru or is it because of the things I left out?" And here she's been feeling awful for having to lie to her friends.

Eri huffs and picks up her spoon. "You're overthinking it." She stabs the ice cream with the spoon and then scoops some up. "Besides, a guy like that is probably just as sketchy as InuYasha was. I get it. You can't tell us for our safety or whatever." She frowns as she stares at the spoon. "But you should be careful." Eri blows out a breath and looks at her. "A guy like that is community dick."

Heat spreads throughout her body from her fingertips to her toes. "Satoru isn't a cheater," she hisses. "Don't talk about him like that."

"That's what they all say," Eri says right before eating her ice cream. "They all say that. You can look at him and tell that he can't be satisfied with just one woman. I'm not trying to be mean."

"You can't be serious," Ayumi groans. "Not all men cheat. You saying your brother is cheating on Yuka?"

"He better fucking not be," Yuka says, whipping her head around to stare at Eri.

Eri splutters. "No, he wouldn't do that. But he's not nearly as attractive as..." Eri clamps her mouth shut and presses a hand to her forehead. "Kagome, you understand what I'm trying to... Kagome?"

Kagome blinks. Her body is light. Feels like that time her soul was ripped out. "I don't understand, because what you are describing is not how Satoru is." She scoots the chair in and touches her necklace. "Maybe we both need time to cool down." Before she reaches across the table and slams Eri's head on it. Between dealing with InuYasha and Hana today, having to deal with this from someone she considers a friend is a low blow.

"I'm not trying to fight with you." Eri rolls her eyes. "And I don't know why everyone is acting like the men around here don't cheat. Wouldn't it be better if it was with someone that has your interests at heart—Ah!" Eri jerks back and falls to the ground. The chair creaks underneath her.

Ayumi and Yuka jump to their feet and try to help Eri up. The flames grow larger. An employee shouts and comes running forward. Ayumi meets her gaze and mouths for her to go. Kagome presses her lips together and slips away during the chaos.

Oh Kami. She nearly killed Eri. But how? She doesn't have any fire powers. The cool night air does nothing to calm the fury simmering under her skin. Though what was that look from Ayumi? Almost as if she knows more than she should.

"Everything okay in there?" Satoru asks. Kagome exhales and shakes her head. "Do I need to check it out?"

"No. Let's just get the pizzas and go home." She moves closer to his side and tries to quiet her thoughts. This isn't like her. She doesn't react like that, at least not towards her friends. "It's just a small fire. They should be able to put it out." Kagome holds out her hands. "I can take Koushi."

Satoru shrugs and holds Koushi out for her.

"Mama tried to kill someone," Shippo whispers, but not quite enough.

Kagome shoots him a look.

"Is that what the spike in energy was about?" Satoru hums. "I can go back and finish the job, then."

"It's fine," Kagome repeats, cradling Koushi to her chest, as she walks side by side with Satoru. "My friend... ex-friend, suggested I give my blessing for her to sleep with you." She peeks at him from the corner of her eye. Satoru's lips twist back.

"You know, we could get that island and it could just be us," he jokes. "Too bad your friend Sango couldn't come here. I liked her. Your other friends suck... and the offer still stands if you want me to get rid of her."

Kagome swallows back the retort. "Isn't that what curse users do?"

"I'd kill for you," he says easily. "Shippo, can I get my shades back?" Satoru smiles as Shippo slides the shades back on him.

Kagome shakes her head. She doesn't need him to kill Eri.

They walk to the pizza shop, where Kagome learns Shippo and Satoru do not know what it means to not be gluttons.

"Did we need five pizzas?" She asks as they make their way back home.

"Shippo wanted to try a bunch out. If he doesn't eat it, I will," Satoru quips. Shippo nods while he munches on a breadstick.

Kagome sighs. Looks like Satoru's shoulders are Shippo's new favorite spot. "I got you a console, but you can play it tomorrow. You can pick out a movie for us to watch." She eyes Shippo and then Satoru. "Did he behave?"

Satoru snorts. "He acted like my kid."

So, is that a yes or a no?

Shippo beams, so Kagome takes that as a no, Shippo did not behave, but Satoru handled it.

"Papa showed me some cool tricks, and I got to take out a small curse," Shippo says. "And we got ca-ke," he says slowly.

Kagome side eyes Satoru. "Really?"

"Sorry, I was trying to fill a craving. Didn't work though. Wasn't sweet enough." He smirks.

Wasn't sweet enough?

Realization slams into her and her cheeks warm despite the cool night air.

"Are you going to be another Miroku?" Shippo asks.

"What do you mean?"

"Always on Mama like Miroku is with Sango."

"Ah, then yes." Satoru sighs. "If only my hands weren't full."

"You know, since there's only one bed, Shippo will be sleeping with us," Kagome points out.

Satoru pouts. "I'll call the realtor tomorrow. Nah, I'll call them as soon as we get home."

"It's kind of late, though."

"They'll get over it. I'm throwing more money their way for the process to go faster," he says flippantly. "Need to get everyone passports, too."

"What's a passport?"

"Basically, a form of identification for traveling outside of the country. We're going somewhere with a different culture and language."

"How?"

"On an airplane..." Satoru pauses. "Might be better to get a private jet. Tell you what, I'll pick out a movie and point stuff out."

Kagome's eyes widen. Private jet? "You're going to buy a plane?"

"Why not? Shippo may not always want to look like this," Satoru says. "And who knows what stunts the other kids will pull? I mean, we could let the old man use it too, since he and your mom seem to be hitting it off." Satoru grimaces. "Did they set your mom and grandpa up in a hotel?"

"No, Mom was happy to go with Syouma and see the estate. Gramps grumbled, but said he was curious, too."

"Disgusting."

Kagome laughs as she fetches the key out of her purse. "It's not that bad as long as you don't think about it."

"It's revolting."

Kagome shakes her head as she flips on the light switch. Shippo runs past her towards the shopping bags on the floor and rubs his hands together.

"Oh, I didn't use the card and you should just call the realtor in the morning."

Satoru sets the boxes of pizzas and breadsticks on the coffee table. "Keep it. I didn't grab any more yen while I was out and I have other cards." He turns on the TV, smiling when Shippo squeals, and searches for a movie to watch. "Alright, something funny..."

Kagome puts Koushi in his rocker and then heads to the kitchen for drinks and plates. She sets the drinks and plates down next to the boxes and then heads to the bedroom to change into something more comfortable. Kagome sighs as Satoru's arms wrap around her.

"The offer still stands," he murmurs against her ear.

"You'd end up having to get rid of more than half of Japan's population if we went that route." Kagome turns and cranes her neck to look up at him. She slides a hand down and cups him. Satoru's brows raise.

"Baby, we gotta wait until the kids go to bed."

"I know that," she huffs. "I'm just touching you."

Satoru hums and grabs her wrist. He slides her hand into his pants. "That's better," he sighs. "I missed you all day."

"We weren't apart that long." She grips him, enjoying how heavy he is in her palms. "But I missed you too." She leans forward.

"YOU GUYS ARE MISSING THE MOVIE!"

Kagome closes her eyes and rests her head on Satoru. She squeezes him one more time, allowing sparks to flow from her palm to him. Satoru groans.

"Not fair." Satoru pouts and pretends as though he won't let her go. Kagome laughs as she pulls away. She slides out of her pants and throws a look over her shoulder. Satoru holds his hands up.

Yeah, he's not slick.

"We'll be right there!" Kagome yells, though she doesn't need to. Shippo should be able to...damn it, she'll need to remember to put up a barrier. She slides on a pair of pale blue silk shorts and a matching top. The closet is big, but between her stuff, Satoru's, and Koushi's, it's going to be hard to fit in all the stuff she got for Shippo.

Satoru puts on a pair of black sweats and puts their clothes in the hamper. He advances on her and pulls her in for a kiss. It starts off slow and gentle, but the emotion behind it has her weak in the knees. When he goes to pull away, she catches his bottom lip and nips him.

His nostrils flare and right as his hands grope her ass, Kagome pulls away and sidesteps him.

"We're missing the movie," she reminds him. Pausing near the door, Kagome stops and looks back. Her mouth pops open. "What are you doing?"

"Just give me a moment."

"... With my underwear?"

"I'm coping." He inhales and then tosses her underwear back in the hamper. "Okay, I'm ready now."

Kagome shakes her head. "What am I going to do with you?"

"Love me," he replies, as he picks her up. Kagome flushes. He keeps dropping that word today. "Oi, Shippo, did you leave some for us?"

Shippo looks over at them and motions to the boxes on the table. "Yeah, but the one with all the meat is mine." He eats a slice of pizza in one hand and shakes a baby rattle in the other. Koushi claps his hands together, seemingly enthralled by Shippo.

"Oh yeah, Shoko wants to meet you," Satoru says as he sits down on the couch with Kagome in his lap. "Thought maybe a dinner here or we could go out."

Kagome nods. "She's the healer, right?"

"Yep...do you think she would be able to see anything?"

Kagome huffs. "I'm telling you, it's too soon." She leans forward and grabs a plate for them, stacking a couple of slices for Satoru. "You took what Sesshomaru said and ran with it."

"He said what I wanted to hear." Satoru takes a bite of pizza. "Shippo, are you coming with me tomorrow or hanging here?"

"With you."

Koushi kicks his legs and makes a fuss.

"Oh, did you want to come too?" Satoru coos. Kagome slides off Satoru's lap, but keeps her legs on him. He reaches over the couch and picks Koushi up. "Course you can come." Satoru cradles Koushi with one arm and grabs his pizza slice from the table. "You should take some time for yourself," Satoru says, this time to Kagome. "I can handle the boys."

"You don't want me to come with you?"

"Yes," he stresses, "But for this situation, I want you to relax. I'll take the boys and we can pop in when Koushi needs to eat. It'll be fine."

Kagome scrunches her nose. "Fine, but if anything happens, then call me."

"I'll be on my best behavior," Shippo adds.

"Well, now I'm worried."

***

A/N: I know I know, this isn't Wish I Could or How To Tame, but I needed something a little lighter this week. My HVAC system went out and I have been slowly dying.

I'll probably end up doing another chapter from Naoya's POV. He's gonna be going through it once he hears about Shippo. Also I think I'll keep the 'shi' in the kid's names going just so Satoru can say he's raising a death squad. Death to the higher-ups and their ideals.

Hope you have an awesome rest of your week! Stay hydrated. Keep cool. And make sure to refill your well.

[taylortruther]

Rae I was just having thoughts about You're Losing Me a while ago, and it really is just such an enigmatic song yk. I can never explain the way it made me feel the first time I heard it.

Just sumn about hearing all those wonderful, romantic, idyllic love songs about Joe for five whole albums and then just. YLM hits you like a truck because till then we still hadn't processed it all. Joe had been painted as this perfect, calm supportive partner who can do no wrong and Taylor is happy and it will always stay that way...and then April 9th happened.

Public perception is a crazy thing, and it's even crazier how nobody even DARED to speak the words that thy could've broken up before they did...but the red flags were there all along. It reminds me of the line in sotb "I don't speak, afraid to jinx it" and now that song is in the denial playlist. Truly everyone was in denial for like a month after the news dropped and we weren't even IN the relationship, I can't imagine how bad it was for Taylor herself.

Someone on Twitter quoted the breakup announcement with "Isn't this the guy she wrote Lover for? Yeah, we're all screwed". Amazing how much her own songs made everyone believe everything was okay till the very last moments.

I think especially what YLM strikes me as is a song centered around not wanting to throw away a "good thing" i.e. the Do I throw out everything we built or keep it?

YLM is so horribly bleak imo, because it's not hopeful AT ALL. The last line is very literally her "making the decision" that unless he chooses her, she's done. And to think this was written in 2021?? Had she already accepted the truth back then? Did the denial stage start even BEFORE that? Was she sitting in the dark room for an year and a half?

The thing that hurts the most about a song like this with all the lyric parallels, is watching something you thought was gonna last forever turn out to be so disapointing in the end. Not WANTING to lose something you've built with so much love, even when you realise that the love has disappeared. The shattering of a mirage. All the We survived the great war imagery on Midnights to My heart won't start anymore for you. Her paralleling her own past songs will always break me. The silence that only comes when two people understand each other to You say 'I don't understand' and I say 'I know you don't'.

Of course the fandom believed at a point that they were endgame, but SO DID SHE. That is what makes the song harder to digest because it really feels like a personal letter to her fans, released ONLY for us months before it was made available to the public. I stand behind the theory that Midnights was the Denial album, and YLM (the bridge between Midnights and TTPD) is her waking up.

i know this isn't the point of your ask, but bear with me! i would argue that many fans realized some songs were describing dark or heavy moments - but, call it parasocial if you like, the fandom just wanted to believe they were working through those issues, not that the relationship was unhealthy or bad. (and no one wants to be labeled as a hater, which, maybe we can work on as a fandom now lol.) for example, i thought hoax and renegade were troubling, the line "your integrity makes me seem small" rubbed many of us the wrong way, we all clocked "maybe it was her"... meanwhile, unfortunately there were lots of theories about how it was "all in her head," which fortunately i think we can all put in perspective now. OK BUT MY POINT IS, it also makes it easy to imagine (as you said), that when you're IN the relationship itself, the good parts might overshadow the bad. you could cling to something that is beyond saving because there's still comfort or hope, and denial is extremely strong. denial can feel like hope tbh.

i think ylm really shows that she was trying so so hard, for so so long, that she was running out of steam in late 2021. and he wasn't make it easier for her, because he wasn't making his needs or true desires clear.

ANYWAY good thoughts, i enjoyed this ask!