#i can't even point out specific lyrics because it's just like... the whole song. all of it.

[dropespeon]

dear hunter save me.... save me... save me dear hunter....

[cherrriesinthespring]

angel of small death

mdni!!

i don't know how to explain what this is?! no gender specifics besides the hozier lyrics, mention of male masturbation, fade to black smut?!? maybe there will be a part two but my account is basically dead sooo here's something to drag along until i get my motivation back.

it wouldn't stop. the lines repeated in his head, over and over, 24/7. hozier isn't a new artist, but his music is new to spencer. the first song you showed him, he fell in love immediately, the imagery and vocabulary. it seemed refreshing to him, someone who doesn't dumb down their lyrics, trusting their audience to interpret it how they fit.

-------------------

a little death- a metaphor, associated with the french phrase "la petite mort" refers to the temporary state of unconsciousness or loss of self due to an orgasm. when spencer heard the track 'angel of small death and the codeine scene' it reminded him of the metaphor, but also you. you were his angel, his sweet lover who he'd dreamt of his whole life. he'd always called you angel, it came naturally, to him it seemed you were sent from heaven. the first time you two had done anything, he finished in his boxers at the sight of you writhing under his tongue. in that moment he hadn't cared about his own pleasure, only yours. yes he got something out of it, but you hadn't touched him, the day you did his imagination was put to shame.

spencer thought you would be good, despite the lack of experience you both had, if you weren't he wouldn't mind. after all you're both learning, learning eachother, learning what sex is like. he mostly expected it to be perfect because he hadn't felt the touch of someone else like that before, he wouldn't let that happen, and he assumed no one would ever want to.

based on what he'd read over the years, biology, human anatomy, he thought he would have a good enough grasp on orgasms. he's a genius, right? the second he felt his first from you, his mind went clear. all of that knowledge swept, you tightened around him so deliciously, your mouth on his would be the only point of grounding. otherwise? he might just be up on cloud nine.

"with her sweetened breath, and her tongue so mean. she's the angel of small death and the codeine scene"

it was perfect, described you all in one. a lot of his songs reminded him of you, 'work song' or 'wasteland baby' and he'd even go on to say 'NFWMB'. he could chose a lyric from any song that would express the way he appreciates you, for being there, existing. it's always late at night on cases however, he'll suddenly be reminded of his own angel (of small death).

one particular night though, he couldn't ignore it. the stress was too much.

long, slender fingers trailed down his body, positioned uncomfortably on a shitty hotel bed. it creaked and rattled if he even breathed wrong, it didn't stop him though.

"heat of her breath in my mouth, im alive"

his eidetic memory couldn't let him forget, ever. your body trembling in his arms, legs shaking on his shoulders, your release on his tongue. imagining your taste is what took brought him to his own release, it felt dirty. dirty in the best way and only wrong because you weren't there to swallow it down. when he returned from the case that week he could heard a familiar song, muffled by the walls coming from your shared room.

wonder if better now having survived

"in leash-less confusion, I'll wander the concrete

jarring of judgement and reasons defeat the sweet-"

and your voice, cutting in before it can step into the chorus "heat of her breath in my mouth, im alive" and he can't wait anymore.

[strangelysilver]

But Mike looked at El with love at the snowball and when El tried Nancy 's dress

I mean, if we really want to analyze expressions, there's a couple things here.

Firstly, this could certainly be an expression of love. It could also be an expression of surprise, or even just what he says: she looks pretty. You don't have to be attracted to someone to think that they look pretty. His eyebrows raise as he turns to look at her, which in my opinion suggests a level of surprise.

This isn't necessarily exclusive to attraction-- he could definitely be surprised because he really likes how she looks. Typical Cinderella moment. But look at this next shot of the two of them.

It's this weirdly awkward shot of them in the mirror, with El admiring her new look and Mike just kind of... standing there? He's not even smiling. I remember specifically laughing at this shot because little Finn Wolfhard just looked so awkward. I mean, they could have had a shot of him admiring her away from Lucas and Dustin, maybe with a closeup of his face, but instead they chose to have him awkwardly posed in the background like he doesn't know what to do with himself. And I think that it's actually a really good metaphor for their relationship; El is the star in the foreground, while Mike stays uncertain of his place in the background. They aren't on equal footing.

Now, the Snowball. What stuck out to me the first time I watched this scene was the difference between Lumax and Mileven. Bear with me, I'm going to throw a lot of images out. I'm also going to reference the song playing in the background, Every Breath You Take, because it's clearly meant to represent what's going on in the scene.

I mean, it's not a coincidence that the camera immediately shows Will's awkward smile right as the lyrics say "Every smile you fake". We know he didn't want to dance with this girl, so the lyrics are directly referencing him.

With the connection to the lyrics established, look at Luca's face before he and Max kiss. He's smiling big, eyes looking down at her. He looks very happy to be there, focused entirely on Max. Adorable.

Then there's Max's face before they kiss, and she's also smiling at him. A bit softer, but her lips are definitely turned up in a smile.

Note that the Lumax kiss happens as the lyrics say, "I look around but it's you I can't replace". Now look at Max's face after they kiss. She's grinning hard, giddy like a 13/14 year old who just kissed her crush. Because she did.

Max then hugs Lucas as the song lyrics say "I feel so cold, and I long for your embrace", and we get a cute shot of Lucas smiling as well. I loved this part of the scene, because it felt sweet and natural without being awkward. Unlike, unfortunately, this next bit.

Here's Mike, right before he kisses El. He's not smiling and he looks a lot more hesitant than Max. And as they kiss, the lyrics say, "I keep crying, crying, baby please". Which is interesting, because later on, one of Mileven's major relationship conflicts is El begging and pleading with Mike to say "I love you".

El's face, right after Mike kisses her. She sort of pauses and blinks a bit, like she's processing what just happened. It's not necessarily a strange reaction to being kissed, but let me remind you that her only exposure to romance, aside from that first kiss in s1 (where she just looked surprised and confused), is the soap operas she watched. She looks like she's trying to reconcile what she just experienced with the dramatized versions she saw on TV.

Anyways, I'm talking about Mike, so why did I mention this? Because the framing of this entire kiss includes El, so I thought it was important to point out how El's uncertainty adds to the awkwardness of the whole shot.

Then this is the two of them afterwards. There's a slight smile on both of their faces, but it's all a bit muted, still a little bit awkward. While Max grins right at Lucas after she kisses him, El isn't making eye contact with Mike.

You could argue that the kiss was choreographed like this because it's meant to look soft and loving, but I find it hard to believe that because they simply haven't had enough time together to fall in love. Mike didn't consider like-liking El until Lucas brought it up, and then El disappeared, and then he finally gets her back in time for this kiss.

You can that same bit of smile here, before El's head obscures Mike's expression completely. The camera then pans out to the entire dance. I don't really have much to say here, because a smile can mean so many things in this context. He could be happy that he kissed El, or he could be relieved that El isn't going in for a second kiss, I don't know. I just thought it was interesting that the directors chose to cover both of their facial expressions while Lucas and Max both got plenty of closeups.

So that's my facial expression analysis, except it's really more of a context analysis, because I don't think Mike himself quite understood what he was feeling at the time. If he thinks he's supposed to act one way, and convinces himself of it, it's totally going to show up on his face. I mean, right before he starts dancing with El, he's sitting looking mopey that Will left to go dance with a girl.

I also want to add that when Max is thinking of a super happy memory to hide from Vecna in, she picks the Snowball. Because clearly, by her and Lucas' faces, it was a really happy moment.

But when Mike is giving his monologue to El, the only memory he mentions is her in a Benny's Burgers shirt. You'd expect a montage of happy moments in this kind of scene, right? Nope, the only memory shown is this.

Very romantic, Mike Wheeler. No wonder she's not talking to you after the monologue. Where was the Snowball? Nancy's dress? Making out on El's bed? Something romantic at all? Show Mike talking to El on the radio every day when she was gone!

But nope. In his Very Romantic Monologue, Mike thinks of their first meeting, where he wanted his mom to send El back to "Pennhurst Asylum or wherever she came from". It really shows how (not) romantic those other moments were to Mike, honestly.

[brigdh]

I want to talk about Izzy's rant to Ed in episode 10, the one that brings out the Kraken. I've seen a lot of different descriptions of what is going on in this scene – death threat, homophobic slurs, etc – and I don't think either of those are what's actually what's happening.

Let's look at it closely, line by line, and the way Ed reacts, from the very beginning of the scene.

Ed: Well, feels nice to tidy up a little. Can't believe I was living like this. Can you, Iz? Izzy? Izzy: I'm going to speak plainly. Ed: Wonderful. You know we share our thoughts on this ship.

Izzy, cont: This, whatever it is that you've become... is a fate worse than death.

Okay. So there we've got what some have interpreted as a death threat. But does Ed seem threatened? He's startled, certainly, put on his back foot – literally – but he doesn't look afraid or alarmed to me. He draws in a slow breath, assessing the situation, but overall seems more confused than frightened.

In fact he laughs it off with his next line:

Izzy then escalates the level of aggression in the conversation:

But Ed, again, looks more confused than anything. Check out that furrowed brow, that head tilt! This is a man going "what is your deal?", not a man thinking "uh-oh, you might kill me!".

Extremely noticeably, even when Izzy storms right up into his face, Ed holds steady. He doesn't run, doesn't lean back, doesn't hunch his shoulders or drop eye contact – there is no vulnerability or defensiveness in Ed's body language at all. Ed is in supreme control of this confrontation – look at the slow way he deigns to turn back to the paper Izzy's holding! As though he's making the point that he chooses when to turn, not Izzy:

Then we have the "homophobic slur". But watch closely:

Ed does not react to "namby-pamby", "silk gown", or "pining" at all. He doesn't even blink. He barely seems like he's hearing Izzy. His entire attention is on the picture.

Ed's body language and behavior changes at one word and one word only, and that is "boyfriend". As soon as Izzy says it, Ed's furious:

(It's even easier to notice when you actually watch the scene instead of using gifs, because Izzy really draws out 'piiiiiiining', putting a lot of time between the first half of the sentence and 'boyfriend'.)

Why is the use of the word 'boyfriend' so important?

Well, what has Ed been doing all episode? He's been crying in a blanket fort and singing sad songs, yes, but he's been keeping a careful level of mystique about why he's doing it. Ed often uses distanced circumlocutions instead of directly acknowledging his emotions, but he's doing it in this episode even more so than usual:

Here are the lyrics to his song:

(Version one, with Lucius) Hanging on By a thread Hanging on Shouldn't let go If I let go, all will fall Fingers bleeding down to the bone now Can't let go Nothing makes sense Hold on Hold on Hold... on

(Version two, performed for the whole crew) Just let go Make yourself let go Make it go away Away, away today Life's a hard sad death And then you're Deaaad

Notice something? There is no mention of Stede, or love, or break-ups, or abandonments, or relationships in general. All Ed discusses is a vague life-sucks attitude, which could apply to basically anyone under any circumstances. He seems pretty okay with people knowing that Blackbeard is having some sort of weird emotional breakdown as long as he convinces himself that no one knows it's specifically from having his heart broken

This is true of everything Ed says and does for this entire episode. He never once even mentions Stede's name, unless "Farewell, Bonnet's playthings" at the very end counts. The only thing Ed openly admits to feeling bad about is a fictional character who's having a hard time "holding on" (holding on to what? he never says). There are no allusions to heartbreak or romance anywhere in his dialogue.

Now, Ed's not stupid. I'm sure he knows Izzy and Lucius and the rest of the crew can connect the dots and realize that something bad happened with Stede, even if Ed doesn't fill them in on the details. But Ed is also traumatized, and has a whole host of coping mechanisms set up to help him avoiding thinking about things that he doesn't want to think about. If he's not a murderer because "technically the fire killed those guys", then no one knows he's heartbroken because technically he hasn't acknowledged it.

Until Izzy says the word 'boyfriend'. Suddenly the secret is out, and Ed can't handle it. Izzy knows his weakness. That's why this word effects Ed more than anything else Izzy says in the whole scene.

At the end of the confrontation, he hears the crew calling for another song. Look at Ed here. He looks as haunted, as disturbed, in this moment as he does at any point in Izzy's rant.

This is an important part of the scene, not just a closing note. Because if Izzy (the Caribbean's most emotionally constipated man) can see through him, obviously the whole crew can too.

Obviously Lucius – who advised Ed on his and Stede's relationship, who played along with Ed's 'fictional character' claim, who wrote down Ed's lyrics – can do so most of all.

There's a direct emotional logic to Ed killing Lucius because he had a fight with Izzy, and it doesn't involve Ed having been threatened or hate crime'd at all. Ed doesn't deal well with his own feelings (from Stede), so he chooses to become Blackbeard/the Kraken and gets rid of all the witnesses who saw otherwise.

[jasper-unofficial]

ARCHER'S (UNHINGED) LOVE OUT LOUD 2025 (DAY 1) HIGHLIGHTS

pond seems to have passed the curse of contacts onto a bunch of people, but that also means he is finally rid of the curse himself, so i am (unfortunately for everyone else) just happy i could see his beautiful brown eyes the whole time.

very simply, as a known queer bully, i want to say that heterosexuality has no space at LOL. it is a BL-CPs-focused event for a reason. if you want to have men and women thrusting at each other on stage, do it somewhere else.

that said, hilariously enough, because all the background dancers during pondphuwin's "bad girls like you" were separated into guy-girl pairs, what pondphuwin had going on with all the choreography and making eyes at each other felt even gayer than it would have otherwise in contrast, so thanks for that i guess.

speaking of which, all the lyrics should be changed to be gay too. this is the boys love event. boys are supposed to be loving boys today. (and tomorrow).

pond and phuwin said they chose "bad girls like you" to show that they are mature now, which just means @ jojo tichakorn, pack up your pondphuwin suitcase, we are finally ready to go on a second adventure.

phuwin kind of jokingly said that his dancing can't compare to a boyband member like pond, but pond really praised him for how well he did during the performance 🥹🫶 (<- this reminds me of phuwin saying during one interview that it means a lot to him when pond compliments him on his dancing specifically).

the second song pondphuwin sang was from the pov of a person who doesn't express their love with words too often, which is extremely lore-accurate to phuwin and extremely lore-inaccurate to pond kgjkldfgjklfdg do with that what you will.

forcebook committed what i can only describe as an act of phycological terrorism today (/lh).

their first song was about friends who are in love with each other but are too afraid to confess. (ok, literal childhood friends forcebook?) it was fully choreographed too with some adorable moves. then they had a little chat, which demonstrated a speedrun from mutual pining friends to an old married couple. only to go back to the theme of the song, asking each other if they ever felt that way, and both saying yes.

BUT THAT'S NOT ALL! the second song came around, a good while later in terms of the concert, and it was ABOUT FRIENDS WHO ARE IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER BUT TOO AFRAID TO CONFESS. AGAIN. but this one was sad and full of yearning. it also ended with the lyrics "the more you feel like a close friend, the less i feel like i have the right to say..." followed by *huge pause, full of yearning* "...that i love you." *more yearning* *last second absolute bodyslam of a hug* *fades to black*

it was truly insane, i felt like i was on crack cocaine after their second performance.

joongdunk and firstkhaotung both did what you could potentially consider a little nod at THK, with joongdunk performing 'baby tee' in, indeed, baby tees (or crop tops, if you will, shout out style) and firstkhaotung performing a rock song, which just kind of gives THK.

speaking of firstkhaotung, there was this one kind of silly song about proposals with a couple of people, including them, and at one point first proposed to khaotung with a comically large ring. highlight of the day.

going back to joong, he got really emotional during the "goodbye" while thanking the fans and i'm pretty sure almost cried 🥺🤏

our only actual tears of the day, though, were jimmy's after jimmysea sang a break-up song, which clearly touched him 🥺

perthsanta were really sweet and it was very apparent they care about each other a lot throughout. during the "greetings", perth let santa talk during the entirety of perthsanta's allocated time because LOL is a new experience for santa. both songs they chose were rock songs, clearly because perth really loves rock. santa got a dance break and perth got a guitar solo moment during their first song. and perth got quite emotional during the "goodbye"!

on a crazier note, perth called santa "khun noo" (approx. young master) and santa called perth "daddy". live with this information.

earthmix had a domestic through song on stage, but worry not - they were fine right after and their second song was very sweet dflkgjdfkgjkfldg

them almost kissing at the end of the second song was crazy btw. i felt like i was intruding on a moment.

they are letting earth be silly again btw! and i love it! he is adorable.

speaking of silly, williamest's first performance was very "you are tripping on lsd", but in like a fun way.

winnysatang whipped their lavawave out early, because their first song was very royalty-coded.

gemfourth held hands and also sang a song that was a combination of their two solo songs, which i think was really cute.

fourth's new hairstyle looks fucking amazing btw!

we had a surprise appearance by aou my beloved!!! (worry not, next year he will be on the same stage but the whole time and with his partner, i am sure of it). JASP✦ER performed 'TAKE IT OFF' and then we had a JASP✦ER x LYKN collab which was incredible!!

and oh yeah, LYKN performed as guests!!

'SADISTIC' was performed by a bunch of people: interestingly enough, just pond and santa (no joong), phuwin, perth, and dunk nonetheless, as well as gemini, fourth, sea, force, and est. they did not dance, in fact all of them spent the entire performance flying around on harnesses and doing occasional backflips. i am personally starting a conspiracy theory that they were all going to dance, but then either ran out of time or some of the... less dance-inclined, let's say, participants couldn't nail the choreo. thus, everyone was sent flying instead.

in general, love that they expanded the theme to literally anything connected with the sky, so we got a lot of space-themed and different sky-themed motifs (day, evening, night, etc.), it was really cute!

both the "rocksphere" performances were iconic: the lines up of gem/prem/william/perth/pond/phuwin and sea/fourth/gem/pond/phuwin are both pristine, gem on the drums was awesome, perth leaning on william while playing the guitar was incredible, loooove the pink strap on pond's bass, AND the fact that they covered "secret" by perth warms my heart (it is an underrated bop).

altersphere was VERY dad rock, i am fascinated by dad rock in thai because i've literally never heard it in any other language but my mother tongue before - force/joong/first/mix/jimmy nailed it btw.

overall, i really enjoyed myself! i stick to my complaints about the heterosexuality of the background dancers, however, and urge everyone to remember this is very much a BL-based event. i am paying money out of my pocket to see boys love on stage (musical edition) and absolutely nothing else.

[nobodysavemysoulitsperfectlyfine]

Every Single Gaia Earth Mother Fucking Song on MYYYYY Octavian Playlist and why it makes sense because I might as well

TWs for dorkiness, blood, madness, and suicidal tendencies, and because I crashout and don't type or articulate well. Messy.

Oh, and headcanons. Yeah. Hahahaha.

Caesar's Nightmare by Jeff Van Dyck - Beautiful music in my opinion, and also because he was written to parallel him.

Nepo Baby by Fox Szn - you CANNOT tell me he doesn't come from a prissy, rich family. Sure I doubt he's very proud of getting that help at all, but still.

"they hate me cause ma Daddy is rich and I'm like goddamn, leave me aloooonne. They want me six feet deep in a ditch, don't hate me cause ma daddy's rich, mother fucking jealous bitch."

Give and Take By Poor Man's Poison - Tis about preparing for a war.

Achilles Come Down - Beautiful music, doesn't exactly fit Octavian in terms of their actions, but still ridiculously prideful, willing all too well to let themselves die, etcetera. Only, no one was begging Octavian not to do it. Except for like, the twelve fangirls out there.

Are You Satisfied? By MARINA - Jesus Christ, probably this entire song. Pretending he's got it all, striving for absolute success whenever possible, risking losing everything. I like to imagine the background chorus (as an animatic that I will never finish, mind you) as his family, peers, FUCKING PERCY, even Apollo, and (without really aware of it) Gaia, all taunting him in his mind. Because we KNOW that bitch was going insane. Just "Are you satisfied, Augustus?" over and Over and over and Over again.

For The Love Of God by MSI - That short period where he believed everything he was doing was for the greater good, that nothing terrible had even been done on his behalf, etc.

Wolf in Sheep's Clothing By Set It Off - Probably how he feels about Percy, possibly Reyna, and anyone else he trusted that turned out to be a 'traitor'. Which, honestly, no surprise there.

Make Of This What You Will by Billy Cobb - For the short period of time that likely comes with Madness, the confusion, the losing memories, disoriention, etc.

Battle Cry by Shafer James - Talking about War, in survivability, how coming out will only be the new beginning to something worse, etc.

BirdHouse in Your Soul By They Might Be Giants - A little self indulgent, I can't really connect these two lol.

Burning Pile by.. Sigh. Mother Mother - Look, normally I avoid Mother Mother to a STUPID point when making these things, but, just because it's him, he gets to have it. Self Destructive tendencies, problems with rage and pushing everything away.

Hermit The Frog By MARINA - Setting all of his eggs in the completely wrong basket, putting everything he had into a cause that would've destroyed him either way, whether it be Gaia killing them all or what would've happened if they revolted and killed him specifically (spoilers I guess?) "I let it fly too high and it shattered too soon, I broke my glass balloon."

Seventeen By MARINA - He's only implied to be, what? Eighteen years old at max? That means seventeen years old vaguely aligns with the time Jason was captured, and I assume a whole lot of other bad shit happened. "The rise of a king and the fall of a Queen" could mean that he had to rise to power, and how in comparison Reyna, poor girl, was struggling much more without him. Because, seriously, girl was GOING THROUGH IT.

All Eyes On Me By Bo Burnham - Hopelessness. Accepting his fate. Need I say more.

Aaron Burr, Sir from Hamilton - Their crashouts are so damn similair, ngl. Especially with the way that Percy climbed the ranks stupidly fast, even if he didn't want to at all. All of the lyrics pretty much match.

Our Word By Thirty Six Questions - More on the headcanony side, his family seems like the type to keep a LOT of terrible secrets. And plus, they probably don't even know about their son's death.

Honor To Us All from Mulan - Honestly, I sorta view him as being more on the AroAce spectrum, so he could probably give less of a shit about seeming hot to women (that aren't Jason at least) but DEFINITELY cares about giving Honor back to New Rome and Camp Jupiter.

Sleeping Giants By The Crane Wives - Also kind of self indulgent, just about him and his prophetic sense as a Haruspex (Sorry, I meant Augur (no I didn't)), feeling that something is wrong but being unable to pin point it, etc. "My pulse is clear, rushing in my ears, I feel something calling me,"

Average By Sushi Soucy - Trying Stupidly hard not to be like everyone else, absolutely NEEDING to be someone important and needed to the Legion.

My Dad is Rich By Danny Gonzales - Every tragedy needs to have at least one or two funny guys, right? Another silly song about his family's probable weird ass background. No, Rick, I don't care if you describe him as looking incestuous, here's a funny vampire song. No explanation needed.

A song from Miracle Musical that my keyboard literally doesn't fucking let me type. It sounds cool. Sorry.

I'm Autistic (I don't get social cues) by BJ Connolly - I genuinely think this song is fucking hilarious and suits him, even if his problems with masking (which he just.. Doesn't do at all. Exact opposite of Jason, who does it ALL the time) don't exactly involve hook up culture. I don't have time to get into All of the reasons that I believe Octavian has Autism (ask for it and maybe), but I feel like it would help the fandom more understand why their reasons for hating him are so flawed, especially just based off of what.. Micro expressions? Come on. Rick writing is, and I cannot articulate this for the life of me, feels REALLY ableist, sexist, racist, etc, in ways that are "subtle" and hard to pinpoint. Anyways. Haha autism and dick song funny.

Army Dreamers by Kate Bush - Young men serving in wars they never should've had to, their lives being lost too soon. Sometimes I imagine Dakota (should've been a rock star), Octavian (should've been a politician) and Jason (should've been a father) all lined up together and oh shit the tears are coming fuck.

We are Not the Same Person By Drew Gorden and Danny Gonzales - Just because Viria's fan art of Octavian, Jason Grace, and Like Castellan all look insanely similar.

Stuck Inside By Black Gryph0n - Again, self indulgent. Knows he's doing something wrong, knows that people are most definitely going to be killed (I don't CARE what the Riordan says, people absolutely died) etc.

Haunting My Dreams By Skyfixing - The prophetic nightmares, daydreams, and visions he probably has that get worse with the madness.

I'M SANE By AXIE - Coz he's not. Ha.

Not Evil from The Lego Movie 2 - I think I'm so hilarious for this one. Only issue is, sometimes I switch back between him acting as wildstyle (disbelieving) and Leo Valdez acting as Queen Whatevaiwannabe (offering great things in a weird and not reassuring way), and I switch their parts in the song often. Mildly entertaining.

GOSSIP By Mâneskin - HATING ON PEOPLE. HATING THEM. HATING THEIR WAYS.

My Ordinary Life by The Living Tombstone - When he believed he was really about to earn it all, when the Legion believed his word, honestly saw him as something great.

Sonne By Rammastein - It's about the sun, and from the few lyrics I can decipher (No I will not use google, fuck you) and about how it shines the brightest of them all, basically how he will NEVER live up to being the Savior Of Rome the way he was promised.

Venetian Blind Man By ohohoho boy we're gettti g to the Will Wood Section. Oakyyy. Also about his Wrath for the Greeks and blind loyalty clouding his judgement.

Welcome to Camp Here and There By Will Wood - I lik the jinkles.

Evening Announcements By Will Wood - Same exact story.

It Ends Tonight by All American Rejects - the title made me giggle.

War Isn't Murder by Jesse Welles. Just. The. E tire. Thing. Sob.

Cigarette Daydreams by Cage The Elephant - Again, only being so young, supposedly having so much ahead of him, not being able to change or grow the same way everyone else does, feeling left behind, also because RICK ONLY FUXKINF MENTIONS HIM FOR THE SAKE OF POKING JOKES AND THE ONE TIME WILL SOLLACE CARED IT WAS IMMEDIATELY BRUSHED OFF. I GET NICO IS DESENSITIZED, BUT CHRIST MANNN.

Everybody Wants To Rule The World By Tears For Fears - This level of self awareness, that, yes, he thirsts for power and control. But also that so many other people do the exact same in their rat race of a life. His strive for greatness.

Just A Man By Jorge Riverra-Herrans - Something Something how he was only human and doing it for what "the gods" (Gaia all along) promised. Also just really great song. Also tackles the idea of how something so minor can snowball into such a large and complex issue before you even know it. How a lanky, teenage boy is suddenly known as this harsh, murderously violent ruler who deserved what he got. How people are naive enough to think that he was always this way, and not yet another horrible product of environment.

The Mind Electric By Miracle Musical - The whole backwardness of the writing (ha, get it), the way everything is jumbled up, making little to no sense unless you really think about it. Pleading insanity for his crimes, his brain claiming glory over him (the madness), being sent to the infirmary (which he never even got). Watching as his people are being used and abused by a system that he is now in control of, and especially how the survivors never think to question Camp Jupiter's ways the same way that Kronos' army was questioned. I could go on and on about how people treat them and the way it's really unjust on either side. But not right now.

Nobody Likes Me by ABC Kids - That one Michael Afton animatic. Pretty much it.

Oh No! By MARINA - Huh, wonder if it's the entire fucking album I dashed in there. Anyways, the entire fucking album being about his strive for success yadda yadda, putting off most social connections to the side, literally going nuts just chasing a dream.

The Family Jewels By MARINA - Again, more about his fictitious relationship with his family that I made up in my head. About how manipulative is behind everyone's back, how he is likely the disappointment of the family and will now never rise from it, how he probably disgraced everyone. Now would be a good time to mention that I think his last name is probably Gallo or Gallus. Because rooster. A haha.

Can you tell I haven't slept.

Left Behind By Dagames - Because nobody fucking gives a shit about him /j

Your Stupid Face By Kevin Mackay - Also pretty self indulgent, I think that if you were to ship him with anyone at all, this is how it would probably go. Realistically, that boy does NYAT process those emotions until it's too damn late.

Candle Queen By Ghost and Pals - Because I imagine him as the youngest child, but also as someone who was pretty much the glass child of the family. Ignored. Uncared for. His only saving grace (Grace? Get it?) Being his ability to Haruspex better than his siblings.

Brave As A Noun By AJJ - Just the messiness of it all. There's no way he completely Blindsidef the entire time.

Monster By Skillet - I think it's funny, especially given that he was raised by Lupa. Sometimes I imagine him bragging to Jason about how much of an alpha he is, flexing his muscles, only for their to be absolutely nothing.

Abbey By Mitski - Hungry for power, for recognition. For love. To be top. He is something - hardly even a normal teenager, not a mortal but hardly considered a demigod, the Savior of Rome but also a horrible tyrant. The light being, knowing that there has to be a way out, and seeing that death is his only honest escape, where the cold hands of the deceased are warmer than anyone else he ever knew. The Waiting. The climbing the ranks. Needing to be heard by Apollo, honored for his accomplishments, his skills. Born waiting, born into a fate, a destiny that was merciless. Being a pawn for everyone else, even those who didn't fancy themselves as cruel.

No Surprises By RadioHead - Yeesh, this section is miserable. My organs are moving in weird ways they should not be.

Malmo By Mook - Throwing everything to the wind, not trying to be much of a person right now, because being a leader, a warrior, their praetor, is much more important at the moment.

I'm afraid I'll go to Heaven By Moon Walker - Fearing what remains after death, knowing that there could either be the inevitable shame from ever soul that he ever comes across, his ghost being seen by Will in TSatS, or the unlikely, being praised and finally seen by someone with accurate judgement.

Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want By The Deftones - needing one thing and one thing only before he goes. The time to shine.

(Kaboom)

The Pitiful Children By Be More Chill - Seeing knew recruits (definitely Hazel and Frank) and thinking "jeez, these guys are absolute losers. Might as well give them a little stab in the right direction."

I hear a symphony by Cody Fry - Being exposed to the truth all too damn late

Survive By Jorge Rivera Herrans - believing that as soon as the Greeks were captured and Camp Half Blood was taken over, they would finally be safe and the conflicts with the Gods would end.

Bohemian Rhapsody By Queen - Because Octavian is a fucking nerd who's obsessed with things like that, waddayya want outta me?

From God's Perspective By Bo Burnham - Literally needing a slap in the face to realize that so many of the things he thought was being done for Apollo were absolute bullshit. Every time I listen to this song, it's a fun time and all, when suddenly, BOOM. "No one entertains the thought, that, maybe God does not believe in you." It fucking HURTS for no reason at all 😭. The fact that after everything, Apollo only saw him as a minor stain on the rug. I LOVE ToA, don't get me wrong, but for fuck's sake, Rick. That was absolutely Apollo's fault, and Octavian can't be the scapegoat for LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING AFTER LUKE.

Yeesh, this isn't going well.

61/ out of 121 checkpoint. Ha. Ah ah.

Let me know if there should be a part two. Also, if you made it this far, or are just patient enough to scroll, here's the link. Thanks for watching me dry heave over and over again about an anemic loser.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0A2Po6UD28OtkNlrg0FHIG?si=cKk1uKO_S-C7uscvViwlLg&pi=iDU-1c7tThGDp

Hope it works.

[haiisx]

MUSICIAN AU??? EYES EYES EYES. SHARE. how did toshinori get his injury?? did him and nighteye split up and why?? what is his preferred style of music?? how does he meet izuku?? EYES EYES EYES. sooo curious <333

!!!! I'm so glad you asked!!! Get prepared for a lot of rambling because this has been consuming my every waking thought for a WHILE

How did Toshinori get his injury?

So the injury itself is unrelated to AFO, even though I toyed with that idea for a bit when I was coming up with this AU. The two ideas that I'm considering as of right now are: Toshinori is involved in a car accident (which results in the AFO-style injury from canon, and also causing nerve damage in his hands which makes it difficult to play or compose) or Toshinori comes down with an illness, and because he doesn't take breaks to take care of himself like, EVER, it progressed and got worse (which doesn't result in the big huge scar from canon, but it does shorten his time that he's ablet to perform without worsening his health even further). Even if it's cliche, I'm a bigger fan of the first option.

Did he and Nighteye split up and why?

Yes!! They did!!! Pre-injury, Nighteye and Toshinori were partners, so they wrote music together (which, for any non-musician readers, is a big deal. You don't write music with just ANYBODY). That was until Toshinori got his injury, and proceeded to overwork himself despite Nighteye's protests. Just like canon, some things are said, and the two of them split because Nighteye can't watch Toshinori work himself into the ground and Toshinori can't just give up on music because his body isn't holding up. (And yes, Nighteye still takes Mirio under his wing to be Toshinori's successor).

What is his preferred style of music?

Classical/orchestral!! His symphonies are grand and powerful and rallying. When it's just him and a piano (as it mostly was back in his Prime), he can make it sound like he has a whole orchestra behind him. Post-injury, he transitions into conducting an orchestra rather than performing himself (although, he did do some conducting in his Prime for the symphonies he composed).

The titles of his pieces are references to events within canon. For example, his song "Symbol of Peace" (Or, symphony no. 8) is his most famous song, alongside "I Am Here" (symphony no. 1), and "Final Act" (symphony no. 94, and a reference to what Gran Torino says about All Might during the fight at Kamino Ward).

I'll also explain how One For All ties into everything since it has to do with his style of music. So One For All is actually the title of a piece that is currently unfinished. The song was passed down from his mentor, Nana Shimura, which was passed down to her from her mentor, and so on. Each generation of musician added about a minute or so to the piece (with Hikage Shinomori, the fourth artist, adding two to three minutes to mirror the fact that he held OFA the second longest in canon), and it is still unfinished. Toshinori hands the sheet music down to Midoriya, who eventually finishes the piece and completes One For All.

How does he meet Izuku?

So far, I'm thinking that Izuku sneaks into one of All Might's concerts and bumps into him after the show, at which point Izuku fanboys, freaks out, and trips over himself for an autograph. i'm a little unsure about the specifics, but I want this to parallel canon, so Toshinori gets the chance to hear something Izuku composed, which is so full of emotion that Toshinori is moved and inspired, thus taking Izuku under his wing.

Izuku is still a big ol' nerd, so his notebook is FULL of analysises of a plethora of artists' trademarks, of the progressions they use in their pieces, the lyricism, the time signatures, etc etc. He also has an arc where he has to stop just mirroring All Might's musical style and branch out into developing his own.

And now time for everyone's favorite part: facts you didn't ask for but I'm going to share anyway!!! can I get a drum roll?

Stain is a critic, and he's known for killing musicians' careers with his scalding responses. The only musician he's ever given positive feedback to is All Might.

All For One and Toshinori new each other when they were younger and they both got into music at around the same time. They're rivals because the messages that AFO promotes in his pieces (despair, surrender, hopelessness) are diametric opposites to the messages All Might promotes (hope, unity, strength) in his music. Also, AFO straight up steals music from other artists (reference to the quirk-stealing) and has been trying to steal the sheet music for One For All from All Might since they were in school. AFO derives joy from being the only one to make All Might's constant smile twitch or falter. All For One is also a classical/orchestral artist, and the names of his songs are references to canon as well. His most famous piece is "Demon Lord," which incorporates haunting choral vocals.

Present Mic owns a record label.

Aizawa still becomes a caretaker for Eri, and 1-A still put on the concert she attends w/ Mirio.

everything has a much lighter tone than canon considering that nobody's lives are on the line, and the biggest "conflicts" are just rivalries between musicians.

Alrighty, I think i've rambled long enough. If you have any more questions please feel free to ask them!! Feel free to make any additions as well!! I plan on drawing some more for this AU, so stay tuned. Thank you so so much for the ask!!

[crumblinggothicarchitecture]

Hey. This might be very stupid, but i hope you answer this.

Today I accidently got sucked into your blog, which is ironic since I'm a huge swiftie. (but I'm not here to hate on you, I swear)

The thing is for months I've been doubting where I stand on that. Like if i should call myself a swifte or not. when I was young, I used to worship the ground she walked on. but in the past year, I've slowly realised I've been very sheltered. like the problems people point out about her sometimes are actual real problems, but my brain just doesn't know how to respond to that as it has been taught taylor swift is a goddess and can do no wrong. Since your posts are tagged with #exswiftie, i figure you'd understand.

I am not from america, so I can understand then politics part of it all only to a certian extend. the other things, I just dont know what to say to that. The most i can reply is..."yes that is a bit of a problem". I feel don't feel like a swiftie at that moment.

I had fed my mind this narrative that people who hate taylor swift passionately are like untrustworthy or just a walking red flag, or just "don't get it". Now after reading your actual breakdowns I understand you have a rather educated opinion and perception of things. Which clearly rules out my narrative.

I don't know what I feel like I have to define where I stand on this, I just do. I know I genuinely enjoy her music a lot, even there are songs I don't want to hear more than once. I love the whole swiftie lore, digging deep on each lyrics finding out what they mean, finding clues easter eggs just losing my mind over surprise songs. Then i see this other side, which can't be defined with anything less than deeply toxic, which makes me question whether or not this thing i love so much is genuinely good or not.

Hello dear, apologies for the delay in reply :) I am happy to chat with you. I hope that you did not think I would ignore you.  

I was also a Swiftie for nearly 15 years. I got her debut record as a Christmas present in 2006 or 2007. Though I cannot remember which year it was, I loved her from the start. At 10 years old, I was immediately interested. My mother approved of me owning her music simply because she was inoffensive. She didn’t curse or talk about sex, in the beginning, so she was deemed appropriated for my childhood self.  She and I have since grown up. She is now a terribly pretentious bully- and, well, I grew up much too poor and much too hungry to turn into a bully like her. 

The problem- and something I think you’re very much aware of- is that Swift has built herself up in her fandom as perfect. She encourages fans to defend her every action- and rewards them for their efforts through “Swiftmas” or “Secret Sessions” or “hidden easter eggs that only the smartest- most dedicated fans will figure out.” It’s all methodically calculated to keep up an air of reciprocity between Swift, as the fearless leader, and her band of merry misfits- the fans.  

You are not dumb for falling into her rhetorical situation - she's set the marketing strategy up on purpose. It’s specifically created to attract attention- and, to make people feel good, or productive, by participating in her marketing strategy. She gives people an image of herself as a poor innocent victim of the media, or of any critique, and then rewards people for defending her. In Literary study, we call this “Pathos” as the rhetorical appeal to emotion through messaging- textual work of some kind. Rhetoric like this can be found in all sorts of media- commercials about starving children or beaten dogs, charity event banners aiming to persuade someone to donate. It’s all predicated on the appeal to our common emotion, or human capacity to empathize with each other. For, every time fans are rewarded by her attention- after defending her from a perceived enemy, or figuring out some hidden clue- they feel closer to the idol, they feel happy to have her attention. They get that emotional impact of believing they are helping Taylor Swift, or understanding her better on some more human, connected, level. It’s a game of risk and reward for her. Never mind that none of this altruistic- she gets paid through our attention on her- and if you are not directly lining her pockets with your cash money, she does not actually care about you. It’s the image of caring she projects that matters much more than the fact that she doesn’t actually care.

I’m sure you can think of many more examples wherein Swift has played this game of attention and reward with fans. It’s everywhere- her easter eggs are a great example. Sometimes her use of Pathos is benign- non malicious, therefore a non-issue. However, she often weaponizes this rhetoric in a way that is harmful.

This interplay she sets up, between herself and her fans, is made more intensive through her pathos- heavy approach to Rhetoric. To further illustrate, one of the ways people often explain Pathos is by saying that it represents our, as human beings, judgement affect. We see, or hear, the narrative Swift espouses and make judgements about it. If she says: The music critics are sexist towards me. We say: 1.) Sexism is morally wrong, 2.) Taylor Swift is facing sexism from Music critics, Therefore.) The music critics are sexist and morally wrong, because they are criticizing Taylor Swift.

So, all the critics are bad- and we don't need to listen to them. It's also a way Swift creates permissive attitudes towards attacking anyone who critique's her- because she can so easily label them all as sexist.

She uses this basic syllogism to justify leveraging her fans against all kinds of people- it's not just the critics. I just wanted to give a concrete example, and I will go more in depth on this subject in another post.  

She is playing with people’s emotions, while she is also self-victimizing,and leveraging her audience’s innate human rejection of, for instance, sexism as it offends our personal values. No one is saying that sexism isn't morally corrupt; however, Taylor Swift points to valid criticism and calls it sexism so that her audience will attack. People often have valid critique of Swift- She just doesn't want to face critique at all- ever. If people say her music is too self-centered- Swift says that is Sexism. If people say her music is boring- she calls it sexism. If people say her music is shallow and only centered are relationships- She calls it sexism. When, in reality, it's valid criticism that has nothing to do with her being a woman. Only ever writing songs about your own myopic, self-centered perception of interpersonal relationships is shallow. Her music is objectively boring, because it's derivative. Her music is completely self-centered- and she only admits to that when it benefits her, but when critics say it, she calls it sexism.

Please don’t think badly of yourself. I am not here to hate on you either- I was you. I am not here to hate on anyone at all- I just want to share how my own knowledge, and expertise, of rhetorical appeals and literary analysis can expose Taylor Swift. Swift relies on this rhetorical technique to thrive, she obfuscates the truth, schemes, and manipulates people into thinking her music is the best thing on Earth- or thinking that she is literally a Saint. Clearly- nothing on Earth is that perfect- So why does she need her fan base to consider her a genius, and a saint, so badly?

Personally, I have no problem admitting I have flaws. I think most sane people can admit to their flaws. It’s not a bad thing to have flaws. So why does Taylor Swift react to all criticism like it’s the worst thing on Earth. Why does she have a whole song about calling critics “mean/ and a liar/ and pathetic/ and alone in life” (“Mean” 2010). She has the nerve to call that song an “anti-bullying” song; yet, is it so clearly bullying that random critic who wrote a bad review about her concert one time in 2009? She really hated that guy- and all he was doing was his job. She called him a drunken loser for just doing his job. 

She's written so many songs about how all her critics are just stupid, morally corrupt, or sexist: "The Man" (2019), "Mean" (2010), "But Daddy I love Him" (2024), "New Romantics" (2014), "Shake it Off" (2014), "I know Places" (2014), "Anti-Hero" (2023), "Paris" (2023), "Blank Space" (2014), "I did something Bad" (2018), "Dancing with our hands tied" (2018). There are more songs wherein she carries this theme of "everyone is out to get me, and they all hate me for no good reason" but I think I've listed enough.

The general message is all over "Evermore" and "Folklore" too every time she calls the general public "Clowns" or "masqueraders"

It's just everywhere- her subtle devaluation of legitimate criticism. Trying to chalk it all up to the critics being simply dumb, sexist, or malicious in some way. Perhaps some people are mean- true- but to generalize every criticism as evil? That's just her actually playing a victim card. There's no way every single critic, or person who doesn't like her, is evil, bad, or malicious in some way. Okay?

I’m tired of her claiming to be an amazing person and an amazing poet- when she is just not either of those things. She’s not a kind person- it's all over her music in the ways she maliciously hurts people for fun. She’s not an amazing poet either. I have a few college degrees- and one pass through her work, with a serious intention of literary analysis, I discover that her writing is plain, banal, and derivative. 

She wants everyone to compare her to Emily Dickinson, Dylan Thomas, and Shakespeare. So, I’m doing what she wants and taking her work seriously enough to critique it. Except that, in critique, I find out why it’s all poorly written- and why it’s just a bunch of thinly veiled conservative iterations of the same boring message over and over. All she ever says in her music is “poor me” and “I hate” (insert person- Kim K., Kanye, Matty, Joe, Jake, John, Scooter, Scott, Harry, Calvin, the media at large, anyone who critiques her, and men in the music industry as a whole). She has the longest list of enemies I think I’ve ever seen- and the funny thing is that all these people avoid her at all costs. None of these people talk about her- yet she is still singing, writing songs, and getting her fans to post memes about how awful they are years, even decades, later.  

It all gets a bit tiresome? No? Personally, I don’t wish to live a life full of such self-pity and hatred- so why should I listen to it in music form? Ya know?  

In my posts, I am attempting to find the truth. I don’t want to “hate” on anyone or anything- but I am going to seek truth in her work.  

I will be posting more about how she devoids Shakespeare of his social reformist efforts. I’m going to post more about how she twists the meaning of every literary reference she’s ever made. I am not kidding, she has misrepresented, and misinterpreted every single literary reference in her entire discography. It’s astounding how hard Swift tries to sound thoughtful- without actually being thoughtful. I will be posting about how she only ever name-drops to either tear other people down or self-depreciate herself in effort to seek pity. I will be talking more about her use of rhetorical appeals to both attract an audience, keep their attention through risk-reward trade-off, and manipulate them into fighting her battles for her. I will be talking about how she upholds a bunch of harmful stereotypes in her music. She often alludes, or blatantly includes allusion to colonialist attitudes. She’s used the LGBT community for profit without making any real activist efforts. She’s leveraged feminism like a weapon against other women- yet never actually has feminist themes in her music. She’s just so painfully hollow- upon closer inspection.  

I don’t hate her as a person. I think she’s unethical, sure, but that doesn’t mean I hate her, want her to die, or anything extreme at all. I would never wish harm to another human being. In fact, after seeing a lot of the harmful stuff in her music, especially about her kind of fucked up views on relationships, I sincerely hope she gets some professional help and finds some peace in this world. When I critique Taylor Swift it’s about her work and her brand- It's not about her personhood.  

I just think that no one Earth is above reproach, or critique, and we must all be held accountable for our own actions. She’s the one that puts her work out there for people- It's therefore completely appropriate for me to discuss her work. 

Edit: Oh and I want to add- I wish you luck in figuring out what you really think about Taylor Swift. If you ever need to talk or vent more- my inbox is always open. :) With peace and love- bye bye

[likeadevils]

Red Timeline (Pt. 1)

This is a very long post that puts all the songs on Red in order of Taylor making them, with as many specific dates as possible. I’ve also included other songs she wrote while writing Red and quotes from Taylor and her collaborators talking about her process. 

Because she wrote so much for Red, I’ve had to split this timeline into two parts. This one covers the songs she wrote in 2010-2011:

State Of Grace, Red, All Too Well, I Almost Do, Stay Stay Stay, Sad Beautiful Tragic, Starlight, Begin Again, The Moment I Knew, Ronan, Better Man, I Bet You Think About Me, Both of Us (B.o.B.), Safe & Sound, and Eyes Open. (2012 songs here)

If you don't want to read the whole post, check out this playlist of the album in order or this playlist of her entire discography.

Key:

Song Dates:

🟢: There is some type of official source for the date

🟡: There isn’t an official source, but everything points to that date

🟠: I’m pretty sure that this is when it was written, but I wouldn’t be shocked if I was wrong. Or the period of time is just too large to be a definite date

🔴: Unknown, year comes from copyright

Other:

✍️: Record of Taylor (possibly) writing a song

🎤: Record of Taylor (possibly) recording a song

📌: Misc. Album activity

🟠 Summer 2010: Stay Stay Stay (First Draft)

The copyright for Stay Stay Stay says that it was created in 2010 (The only song on the album besides All Too Well). In January 2012, Taylor said that she had been writing songs for Red since before Speak Now came out. It's possible this was written towards the end of the year, but Taylor has mentioned a period of intense writer's block around that time, so I'm inclined to place this earlier.

📌 Late 2010: Six month long writer's block

Taylor: [All Too Well] came after a six-month writing drought that followed a particularly toxic relationship. "There's a kind of bad that gets so overpowering you can't even write about it [...] When you feel pain that is so far past dysfunctional, that leaves you with so many emotions that you can't filter them down to simple emotions to write about, that's when you know you really need to get out." Liz Rose: “When we wrote [All Too Well], I hadn't heard from her in awhile. She hadn't really been writing.”

We don't know what six months she's talking about. The last song she writes for Speak Now is The Story Of Us, in June 2010, and the first song she writes for Red is All Too Well, in December, exactly six months. However, she stopped writing All Too Well for months at a time, so it's also possible she's talking about October 2010-March 2011, when she finishes writing All Too Well, which would line up with her relationship with Jake Gyllenhaal, and with the quote about writing songs for Red since before Speak Now came out.

🟡 December 2010: All Too Well (Rough Draft)

Taylor: "The first song that was written was 'All Too Well', and it was a day when I was just like a broken human walking into rehearsal just feeling terrible about what was going on in my personal life. And I walked in and I remember we had just hired David Cook… I think it was his first day meeting me, and I think I ended up just playing four chords over and over again and the band started kicking in, like Amos Heller on bass, and people started playing along with me. I think they could tell I was really going through it. And I just started singing and riffing and sort of ad-libbing this song that basically was All Too Well. And it started with 'I walked through the door with you, the air was cold' – like it literally just was that song, but it had probably seven extra verses. And it included the f-word, and I remember my sound guy was like 'Hey, I burned a CD of that thing you were doing, in case you want it.' And I was like 'Sure!'" Taylor: "The lyric I'm most proud of on the album is from 'All Too Well': 'And you call me up again just to break me like a promise / so casually cruel in the name of being honest.' That was something I came up with while ranting during a soundcheck. I was just playing these chords over and over onstage and my band joined in and I went on a rant. Those were some of the lines I thought of. I was going through a really hard time then, and my band joined in playing, and one of the first things that I came up with, just, like, spat out, was 'And you call me up again just to break me like a promise, so casually cruel in the name of being honest.'"

🎤 December 13, 2010: Photographed entering and leaving a recording studio.

Probably for this radio interview, but in the interest of being thorough, I'm including it.

🟢 February 2011: All Too Well (First Draft)

I like to think she wrote this after attending the Vanity Fair Oscar party on February 27, but all we know for sure is that Taylor started actively working on All Too Well in February.

🟡 March 1-4, 2011: All Too Well

Taylor: "I ended up taking [the recording from rehearsals] home and listening to it and I was like, 'I actually really like this, but it definitely is like 10 minutes long and I need to pare it down, so I'm going to call Liz Rose. [...] And she came over, I played it for her, and she was like 'Whoa, I love this.' And so we kind of edited it and pared it down to what it is now, but that was a very serendipitous creation of song" Liz Rose: "I was in Nashville one day, slowly moving the last bits of junk out of my garage so I could move to Dallas. […] I was in my driveway and my phone rings, and it's Taylor saying, 'Man, I've got this thing and I really need you to help me with it. Can you write today? What are you doing today?' [...] It was the first song she wrote for that record, I think. She had a story and she wanted to say something specific. She had a lot of information. I just let her go. She already had a melody and she started singing some words, and I started writing things down, saying, 'Ok, let's use this, let's use that.' She mentioned a plaid shirt, and I wrote that down in a corner, and when we got to the end, I said, 'Let's put the plaid shirt in there.' That turned into one of the best lines."

Taylor left for tour on March 5 and was gone the rest of the month, meaning it had to have been written sometime in the first four days.

🟡 March 20, 2011: Better Man

Taylor: "I remember I was on tour, and I wrote it alone in a hotel room. And I remember standing in front of a mirror—I think the first thing I thought of was, 'I wish it wasn't 4am, standing in a mirror, saying to myself, 'you know you had to do it." That was an actual visual from my life that ended up being the first thing I wrote, and then I expanded outward from there. And it was a song that I really thought belonged on the album and there were just too many songs I loved that I had written in that period of time, so some of them had to be left off. I think I chose All Too Well over Better Man. I think that was what happened. I was either going to put on All Too Well or Better Man, and then I left off Better Man." Taylor: "I was in Madrid, and I was in my hotel room all day. And I was going through this crazy, emotional thing and I wrote a song about it and it'll probably be on the next record. I'm telling you that. I'll tell you the title afterwards."

Taylor had a tour date in Madrid on March 19, and then her and her band stayed there an extra day

🟢 March 2011: Begin Again (First Draft)

Taylor: "The first inspiration [for Begin Again] came when I was on tour in Europe [in early 2011]. I'd been alone for a while and had time to think about my past experiences. But I wrote it in pieces-I'd start and then second-guess myself. I had to sort through my own insecurities." Taylor was on tour in Europe from March 5-March 30, 2011.

✍️ March 24, 2011: Twitter: Writing a song all afternoon in my hotel room. Dublin, Ireland.

🟠 Spring 2011: State of Grace (First Draft)

Taylor: "'State of Grace' was a song that I wrote at the beginning process of making this album." Taylor: "When I wrote [State of Grace] I had that feeling like, ‘This is going to start the show, this will be what we start the show with.’"

By "the beginning process", she could mean the first half of the album, which was written in 2011 and produced by Nathan Chapman in Nashville, but that gets contradicted by her immediately saying Red (which was also written in 2011 and produced by Nathan Chapman in Nashville) was written "halfway through" making the album. So, I'm going to take the quote on its face value, and say State of Grace was written towards the beginning of the writing process, sometime in Spring 2011.

🟠 Spring 2011: The Moment I Knew

This could've been the song she was recording on her birthday in 2010, but I think that was from a radio interview she did that day. Taylor has talked about experiencing some pretty tough writer's block around that time, only broken by All Too Well, so I'm hesitant to say she wrote another song right before that. Furthermore, The Moment I Knew is copyrighted as being created in 2011.

📌 May 22, 2011: Billboard Music Awards interview: "Um, a timeline for the next album... I have no idea right now. I think that, for me, I just write whenever I'm inspired to do so– I've been constantly writing lately."

✍️ June 11, 2011: The New Yorker interview: She had written about ten* songs so far for her next album. Asked to characterize them, she said, "They're sad? If I'm being honest." The most recent one, she said, "is about moving on." *Grain of salt: The amount of songs Taylor says she wrote for Red at different points doesn't add up, so give or take 5 songs. 

🟠 Early June, 2011: I Almost Do

It's possible we never heard that song about moving on that she mentions in The New Yorker (out of the roughly 25 songs she wrote for Red in 2011, we have heard 12). It's also possible she was talking about Begin Again; in an interview with People Country, Taylor mentions working on it throughout 2011. But I think she's talking about I Almost Do. This is partially because her arm lyric on June 4 was "​​I guess we're all one phone call from our knees" and partially because she's confirmed to have written I Bet You Think About Me, which shares similar themes, later this month.

🟠 June 2011: Starlight (First Draft)

Taylor: "I get a lot of style inspiration from the 1960s, so I'll go and look at black and white pictures, and look at photos from the '50s and '60s, and I came across this picture of these two kids dancing at a dance. It immediately made me think of how much fun they must have had that night. It was back in the late '40s. I ended up reading underneath that it was Ethel Kennedy and Robert F. Kennedy. And they were, like, 17. So I just kind of wrote that song from that place, not really knowing how they met or anything like that. And then her daughter Rory ended up coming to a show a couple weeks later and I told her about the song and she was like, 'you have to meet my mom, she would love to meet you.' So that was kind of what that song was about."

By August 2011, Taylor had finished a 900 page book about the Kennedy women, wrote a Robert Kennedy quote on her arm, and visited JFK's grave. By this point, it's safe to assume that Taylor would've known how Robert and Ethel Kennedy met, ergo Starlight needs to have been written before August. I lean towards June, mainly because of the following diary entry.

✍️ June 17, 2011: Lover Diary entry: "I've become blissfully happy with my life. [...] I've noticed this onset for a while, but it's really hit me in the last week, and especially since I wrote those 2 new songs. I really do need to create in order to live and feel worthwhile. [...] I'm happy that tomorrow morning I get on a plane to Pittsburgh, play a stadium of 60,000 people, then fly home. I'm happy that the next day, I'm recording 2 new songs."

🎤 June 19, 2011: Per the previous diary entry, Taylor recorded two songs.

🟢 June 24-26, 2011: I Bet You Think About Me

Lori McKenna: "A couple days before she gets here, I'm eating dinner with the kids, and I get a FaceTime from a number I didn't know [...] And I answer it because we were like, 'Who's FaceTiming me?' And it's Taylor like, 'Hey, I'm coming to town. Would you have some time?'" McKenna and Swift share a mutual friend – songwriter Liz Rose. McKenna had met Swift once or twice, and McKenna said sure. [...] "It's one of those real fun co-writes where you're just the cheerleader. You're the coffee maker. You'll get a sandwich if they need to eat or something, but you're there for moral support." Lori McKenna: "She had this little nugget of a song which was 'I Bet You Think About Me,' she knew that was the hook," Swift had asked her if she should lean in the folk direction (which they did) and after that, the rest flowed blissfully as McKenna recalls, "I don't remember anything other than sitting here watching how incredible she is. She knows what she wants to say and when she says the right thing, she remembers it. She didn't write anything down. There was no recording of the song [...] If the line is right, she knows it's right, and she remembers what it is." Taylor: "'I Bet You Think About Me' is a song I wrote with Lori McKenna, who is one of my favorite singer-songwriters ever. I'd always wanted to work with her. And I wrote this with her at her house when I was playing Foxboro Stadium on the Speak Now Tour. We wanted this song to be like a comedic, tongue in cheek, funny, not caring what anyone thinks about you sort of break up song, because there are a lot of different types of heartbreak songs on Red. Some of them are very sincere, some of them are very stoic and heartbreaking and sad. We wanted this to be the moment where I was like, 'I don't care about anything.' And we wanted to make people laugh with it, and we wanted it to be sort of a drinking song, and I think that that's what it ended up being."

Over the years, Lori McKenna has said it was written either the day before, the day of her first show, or the day of her second show at Foxborough Stadium for the Speak Now tour.

✍️ June 30, 2011: Taylorconnect: "Lately, I've been writing a LOT. Like, all of a sudden, everything I've wanted to say, express, or just let out for the past several months has just recently become a song. I'm really excited about that. It's a freeing feeling when all of a sudden one day, you're able to verbalize exactly how you feel in a verse, chorus, verse, bridge, chorus pattern."

🟢 August 26, 2011: Cannonball

Justin Bieber (August 26, 2011): "#writing" Kuk Harrell (August 27, 2011): "Wow!! Got to see @//justinbieber & @/taylorswift13 write a song together last night!! SMASH!!!! SMASH!!! SMASH!!! Let's do it again Yall!!!"

This is an unreleased song that was intended for Justin Bieber’s album, but Scooter Braun allegedly cut it.

🟢 September 8, 2011: Red (First Draft)

Taylor: "'Red' is a song I wrote halfway through this album, and it changed what this album became [...] because, to me, this song is very different, very descriptive, and it has an edge to it that, to me, kinda expanded what I wanted to do." Taylor: "It was really one of those songs that made me think like, maybe I want to be expanding what I'm trying to do with my music, sonically." Taylor: "Red came about halfway through the two years. And after that, I felt like it was such an interesting direction that I wanted to follow it, and I wanted to go and write with people I’ve never written with, work with people I’ve never worked with." Lover Diary Entry (dated September 8, 2011): "It was a long flight, but I'm so happy I chose to come home. Mostly because I wrote a song on the plane on the way home called 'Red'. [...] In the evening I went to Nathan's studio to record. When I played Red for him, he lost it. He absolutely freaked over the lyrics. I was so happy. As we started recording it, it got more and more awesome, with banjo and this affected vocal part that runs under the chorus going "re-e-e-e-e-d". I'd love to name next album red. Scott came over because I called him and he was still working at the office. He said this song takes it to the next level. He lost it over this song. My mom loves it too. It's so different than anything we've done. I can't even tell you how alive and worthwhile I feel when I'm writing a new song and I finish it and people like it. It's the most fulfilling feeling, like getting an A+ on report card. Recording again tomorrow."

📌 September 13, 2011: Vogue interview conducted:

Swift is working on her fourth album: "There’s just been this earth-shattering, not recent, but absolute crash-and-burn heartbreak," she says, "and that will turn out to be what the next album is about. The only way that I can feel better about myself—pull myself out of that awful pain of losing someone���is writing songs about it to get some sort of clarity." [...] "The only time in my life I have ever been starstruck was meeting Caroline and Ethel Kennedy," she says. "I got to spend the afternoon with Ethel a couple of weeks ago. She is one of my favorites because you look back at the pictures of her and Bobby and they always look like they are having the most fun out of everybody. You know, eleven kids, all these exotic animals on their property. I’ve read a lot about them."

🟢 October 2011: Both of Us

B.o.B: "She actually arranged for me to come to Dallas, and brought me out and I played her the song, she liked it and it just naturally happened, you know what I mean?" B.o.B: "I played her the song at her show ... and instantly she loved it. She was like, 'Bob, I have tears in my eyes. I love this song. I'm down. I want to be a part of it." ... And she sounded amazing on the record. (She) actually rewrote some of my verses as well."

B.o.B was a special guest on the Speak Now Tour on October 9, 2011.

🟢 October 4, 2011: Sad Beautiful Tragic

Twitter (October 4, 2011): "Leaving Little Rock, headed to New Orleans. Writing a song on a moving bus." Taylor: "'Sad Beautiful Tragic' is a song that I wrote while I was on tour, and I was on a tour bus that was moving, and I just started playing this really haunting, sad chorus, and it just, kind of was very simple, like "What a sad beautiful tragic love affair" and it was just reflecting on something that was lost, y'know, and you can't get it back. And I went home and I called Nathan Chapman and said "Hey, I wrote a song. Please please please can we record today" and, of course he said yes, and we use that original demo on the album because it just came across so pure and raw." Taylor: "'Sad Beautiful Tragic' is really close to my heart. I remember it was after a show and I was on the bus thinking about this relationship that ended months and months before. The feeling wasn't sadness and anger or those things anymore. It was wistful loss. And so I just got my guitar and I hit on the fact that I was thinking in terms of rhyming; I rhymed magic with tragic, changed a few things and ended it with what a sad beautiful tragic love affair. I wanted to tell the story in terms of a cloudy recollection of what went wrong. It's kind of the murky gray, looking back on something you can't change or get back."

✍️ October 18, 2011: Hollywood Reporter interview conducted: "I've written 25* songs so far, so it's coming along really well. I've been writing a lot, and I like to take 2 years to make a record. We're at the end of year one and I still have a year left to go to write. It's looking really great." *Grain of salt: The amount of songs Taylor says she wrote for Red at different points doesn't add up, so give or take 5 songs.

🟡 Late October 2011: Ronan

On October 21, 2011, Taylor invited Maya Thompson, Ronan's mom, to meet her backstage at her show. Maya gave Taylor a personalized letter about Ronan's story, and Taylor told Maya that she'd been reading the blog for over a year. She didn't tell Maya that she had written a song for Ronan until September 4, 2012, so it's possible Ronan was written anytime between May 2011-September 2012. That being said, I lean towards it being written in October; there's a couple blog posts* from October 2011 that Taylor seems to directly reference, and Taylor mentions having just written two songs at the end of the month. *TW for suicide

✍️ October 30, 2011: Lover Diary entry: "I've written two songs in the last few days. I want to record them so bad, but my voice is shot from being so run down."

📌 November 10, 2011: CMA's acceptance speech: "The reason I obsess over [performing songs] so much is that I obsess over writing them so much… With this next album, I'm so excited because I've been writing so much. We're still in the first gear of making it, so as we finish songs and demo them in my producer's basement, I can picture them being played on the stage."

🟢 November 2011: Eyes Open

Taylor: "I was working with T-Bone a lot on the soundtrack, just you know, putting songs together. There’s another song on the soundtrack that I did for it, so we were working on that song [before writing Safe and Sound]."

🟢 November 19, 2011: Safe and Sound

Taylor: "The movie studio came to me and said ‘Would you be interested in making music for this movie?’ and I immediately read the book. I read it in like, two days and fell in love with it [...] When I got the call, I thought, from what I'd heard about the movie, 'It's an action movie, right? We're probably going to be writing a song that's like, "We're going to win!" ' And then I read the book, and I thought, 'No, we're going to have to write sort of a death lullaby, it's so different from what I thought.'" Taylor: "[T-Bone Burnett] said ‘Do you think it would be good to call the Civil Wars and see if they’d want to come write?’ and I said ‘Absolutely’. I’d had this title that I’d been working with called Safe and Sound, and I just knew that I’d wanted it to deal with, sort of the empathy, sort of the more sensitive, sad, bittersweet side of this story. [...] And we all got together and as soon as John Paul got his guitar and started playing this melody, me and Joy started singing over it, and it happened so quickly." Taylor: "We wrote this song and recorded it in one day, the same day we wrote it."

The Civil Wars posted these two photos on instagram, with the captions dating the writing session to November 2011. The only time Taylor was in L.A (and not spending all day at an awards show) in November was the 19th.

📌 December 1, 2011: MTV interview conducted: "I can't tell you [what emotions I'm writing about on TS4], because it's a secret. It will be unveiled when it all comes out, because they all seem to have a theme to them, the records that we've put out so far, and this one is no different. It's very different in what it's about, but it's no different in the fact that it has its own name."

🎤 December 13, 2011: Twitter: "Studio/birthday/new album/red shoes" and "Took a break from the studio to visit the label, where they gave me this!"

🟡 December 2011: State of Grace

On Red, Taylor has two Nashville studios credited. The first is Pain In The Art, Nathan Chapman's home studio, which Taylor largely used for demos and first drafts. The second studio is Blackbird Studios. On Red, there are five songs credited to Blackbird Studios: State of Grace, Red, Stay Stay Stay, Starlight, and Begin Again. Looking at the musicians credited, you can further divide it into two recording blocks: State of Grace and Stay Stay Stay, and Red, Begin Again, and Starlight. Red, Begin Again, and Starlight all have solid evidence of being reworked at a later date (more on that later). State of Grace, on the other hand, is a bit more speculative. Taylor has always talked about Red (the song), as a big sonic departure, something that sounded nothing like anything she'd written before... and it doesn't sound that different to State of Grace. Don't get me wrong, they're definitely two different songs, but the stuff she cites as being revelations on Red are also found on State of Grace. So, it makes sense for State of Grace's production to have been retouched after Red.

🟡 December 2011: Stay Stay Stay

State of Grace and Stay Stay Stay have identical studio personnel. Furthermore, Nick Buda, Chad Carlson, Eric Darken, Leland Elliott, and Matt Rausch all only have two credits on Red, and they're for State of Grace and Stay Stay Stay. This leads me to believe they were recorded around the same time. It also makes sense for Stay Stay Stay to have been retouched, seeing as it would've been written a year and a half before, and possibly not even professionally recorded.

🟡 December 2011: Red

Scott Borchetta: Borchetta, the president of her record label, heard a version of her song "Red" produced by her usual collaborator Nathan Chapman. Borchetta says, "The song was brilliant–great melody. But I told them* that the way it was recorded, guys, the production just doesn't match the song. It needs a pop sound." So Chapman and Swift asked Borchetta if they could take another crack at it. They did–and it was worse, Borchetta says, than the first pass. "And Taylor basically said, 'All right, would you call Max [Martin]?'" *Grain of salt: Scott Borchetta has a habit of taking credit for things that were likely Taylor's idea.

Scott Borchetta said there were three drafts of Red. The second draft had a more pop sound, but was still just Taylor and Nathan Chapman (possibly recorded on September 9). Then, the final draft with a new producer. Borchetta says Taylor wanted the new producer to be Max Martin, but for whatever reason they ended up going with Dan Huff, who has a producer credit on the version released in 2012.

🟡 December 2011: Begin Again

Taylor: "I wrote it in pieces-I'd start and then second-guess myself. I had to sort through my own insecurities."

🟡 December 2011: Starlight

Starlight has slightly different studio personnel from Red and Begin Again, suggesting it was done at a slightly different time. However, there are still clues that Dan Huff got called in at a later date— the biggest one is the electric guitar is credited as "Conceived by Nathan Chapman, Played by Dann Huff" (credit to @taylor-on-your-dash for this theory)

📌 December 13-24 2011: Harper's Bazaar interview conducted:

"As an artist you have to be really self-aware. As a songwriter, especially [...] You need to be aware enough to catch yourself creating similar things to what you have created before and steer away from that. You have to grow, otherwise you will lose people's attention and you will get bored with yourself." So, will her fourth album, due later this year, be a major departure? "I think so," she says cautiously. "The tone is a little different. This one is focused on an all-encompassing, heartbreaking thing that happened, about the rise and fall of a relationship [...] I really, really, really, really want to nail this next record. I'm probably going to go into that semi- crazy, mumbling-to-myself-in-public, hysterically, ridiculously rambling, lyric-editing mode that I go into in the last six months of making a record. There are about 25* songs I have written so far, and the trick is going to be paring them down to the ones that will make this something I am more proud of than anything I have done before." *Grain of salt: The amount of songs Taylor says she wrote for Red at different points doesn't add up, so give or take 5 songs. This is also the same number she gave on October 18, 2011.

📌 January 2012: Moved to LA to work with new producers

Taylor: "With Red, [Scott Borchetta] came to me in January and said, 'I think the album's finished.' This time, I said, 'No, it's not – I need to keep writing.'" Taylor: "I turned in 20 songs and I had this immediate sinking feeling, this can't be done, this can't be it. I think the reason I said that was because I made the record exactly the same way I made the last three. I knew I hadn't jumped out of my comfort zone, which at the time was writing alone and working with Nathan [Chapman]."

That's all for this timeline!

TIMELINES: debut • fearless • speak now • red • 1989 • rep • lover • folklore • evermore • midnights • ttpd PLAYLISTS: debut • fearless • speak now • red • 1989 • rep • lover • folklore • evermore • midnights • ttpd GENERAL: tag • entire discography playlist

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

I really think that this is where, this is like where the episode should have, this should be like scene three of the episode. Do you know, like, 'cause there's actual, there's something, there's something cool here about Cory being the pilot and forcing me to, into his version of Wooing and Angela. But, but like, instead, like I'm, I'm just not quite clear, like the conflict is like kind of class-based, like that we're too fancy of a restaurant, but we haven't established that like the things that we like are really like, like I, I just, I wanted it to be more about like if we knew that Angela liked a certain type of food and that Shawnn liked another type of food and then they were both trying to be something for the other. That's not quite established enough here. So I I I it it's a funny scene, but I'm just don't know why it's happening. Yeah. And then I, the resolution feels like, let's get burgers. I'm like, oh, okay. So the problem was that we were forced into eating fancy food. I I just, it's a little like mudelled for me. -Rider

No, I think it's exactly what you were saying before. The it's not a problem. It's that you realize that there are different kinds of love and cory and topanga are their own thing and everybody, it's like you want what they have, but you are not them. Nobody's them. -Will

We want our version of what they have. -Rider 

Your version is burgers and Vivaldi and hanging out at a different place. But, so it's like you, you can't be them because they're in, you know, even Topanga doesn't want this, the them at this point. So I think it's, if this is what happens when you let Cory in, the driver's seat is, well this is what love is. It's being married right away. -Will

That should have been the whole episode instead, instead of one scene. If that had been a story where we watched that play out in hijinks and funny scenes with cory whispering in my ear and, and maybe even Topanga whispering in Angela's ear. It could have been like a lot of miscommunication. And then the two of us finally being like, no, we're gonna do our own.... We keep alluding to the fact that we're not ready for this relationship. We're broken people, but we don't talk about what that means and we're not engaging with each other about that. We're just like, Vivaldi, I like it. You like it.  I don't know. It's underdeveloped. I feel like taking this scene as the model and expanding it in both directions would've been a better way to like confront this episode. -Rider 

Meanwhile, Angela asks, Sean, you said you knew me. If you really knew me, why would you bring me here? Sean admits, I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't know how to be myself around you. I really want you to like me. Angela assures him. I do like you. If I didn't, I wouldn't be here. Sean asks, why it's so hard. Angela tells him she's never had a serious relationship either. Every time she got close to someone, she figured it was best to get away before they hurt each other. Is someone going to get hurt here? Sean? He earnestly tells her, no, not if we are ourselves. He calls out for Eduardo asking him to clear their table and just bring them a couple of burgers and -Danielle

See like all of that dialogue is exposition good? I think we're, I don't dunno what we're talking about. Like we're just saying. -Rider

They never established my character to say what I would like or not like. -Trina

And so, and we're not being specific. We're just hope and love and we and want and, and it's like, it's like song lyrics as opposed to like very like sharp. Like the thing you're doing right now, you can take you, I don't know, it just feels like, I dunno. It felt so like...Yeah. I just think the actual, like we, we have not covered details between our characters. So we have not said like Right. What we do imagine our lives would be like, 'cause we, we have the Vivaldi and Shakespeare, but we haven't seen the like, what do you like to wear? What do you like to eat? And, and then to see that in conflict with this.  So we're just expressing this makes me uncomfortable in abstract terms. And so it stays abstract. And that's what to me is the definition of like, acquisitional dialogue. -Rider

 I think it's more, I think it ends the same way where you guys are now figuring out what it's going to be. The same way you figured out this restaurant isn't for us. You figured out you didn't want to eat this food. It's like, we'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. We You don know it's you don't know yet. And it's, it's, this is just the start of we know we don't want that. We know we're not them and we don't, we don't want this restaurant, but we'll figure out whatever comes next. As long as we're ourselves, we'll figure it out, I think is what they're saying. -Will

It's a nice sentiment. -Rider 

[hoardingpuffin]

SkyBound SMP Characters as Fewjar Songs

Because I have an agenda and the agenda is getting more people to listen to Fewjar. The fandom are like 20 people we need more.

Vast - Lateniteaha

God, I still have so many questions

I'd be dead by now

But I wanna find out

What only the dead know

Especially now as Vast is figuring out what the Avicane actually are and is figuring out who to be after learning that information, they simply have Lateniteaha vibes to me.

Rune - Cepheus

How did I end up here, stone bound?

All I feel ist the striking distance to the clouds

My flesh is fettered on the skin of the soil

But even so I almost reach the sparks in the void

There is a theme in Cepheus of desperation and being stuck in a place, which reminds me of Rune, especially considering how he seems to view themselves and considering the crumbs of backstory we've gotten so far.

Sylph - Go For It!

Something we put together

From pieces we found

Of a broken jar spread on the floor

It's not whole again

Can't be filled up to the top

Yet a beauty lies inside the pain

Sylph to me seems like the type of character that looks at like, a broken apart piece of furniture or clothing and goes "I can fix that up" and then with the help of hot glue and sparkly tape and some neon paint they actually do fix it up and yeah, sure, it's not perfect and it's not without scars but it's something new and beautiful and crazy. In the best way. Best type of character in my eyes.

Taliesin - Yesterday's Eve

But everything is at a turning point

Light is coming in

Raised dust's telling the story

Again, and again, and again

Yesterday's Eve has this theme of passing through, of change and uncertainess that seems to fit with what we've gotten to see of Taliesin so far. We'll see if my opinion changes as we see the flamingo more.

Marcel - Treasure

Pale hands

Nothing to get so serious about but

Let us be honest

In peculiar moments of

Never never letting go the sum of my parts

Over and over again

I will admit that the lyrics of Treasure don't match up with Marcel, at least not 100%, but something in the vibe of the sound and the music video makes me think of him so there.

Armor - Gemini

Exposing scars

What have we done?

Composing lifelines always won

Don't you know where we came from

Where all began?

In all honesty, we literally had one stream with Armor so this is based on vibes and vibes only.

Pietro - Lo

Searching for a deeper sense

In a pile of vowels and consonants

In a pleasant appearance

A Sisyphus- mountain to ascend

Pietro gets one of my favourites and my favourite Fewjar music video! I can't 100% pinpoint why, but something between the sunlight/dawn aesthetic of the video and the almost pleading nature of the chorus make me thing of Pietro and her relationship with his brother.

Virgil - Skeleton

So hold on to me

Although our way won't be

a safe terrain

Oh hollow me

Tell me would you hold on

To a skeleton?

I will be so honest, Skeleton is less Virgil-specific and more it reminds me of both Virgil's relationships with Pietro and Giovanni. The themes of burying yourself in work or a cause even to the extent of ignoring ones own safety that rings through Skeleton - yeah.

Avalon - Chalkbird

Crystal sparrow come with me

Cause I recognized

That you, just like me

Don't belong to this place

Pinning a song for Ava was hard as hell but Chalkbird makes me think of her and Rune and their relationship so tadaaaa.

Gaverin - A Bleakbox of Insights

Irrelevance is my playground

And loneliness is my hometown

Covered in dust lies

A conspiracy

When you listen to Bleakbox at first you might say "That's not at all Gaverin" and to that I say: "I see your point but rewatch the bits where Gaverin talks about their family and read between the lines because that's what I did and that's how I ended up with Bleakbox" /lh

Cosie - We Wonder

We got time

So much time

And we wonder

We wonder, we wonder

If everything's on hold

Why don't we hold each other?

This is mostly based on the vibes Cosie gives off to me? Not 100% sure if the song fits lyric-wise but the vibe itself seems right to me.

Erin - Levitation

I didn't pick Levitation because of the lyrics, but because of the sound of the song itself. To me, Levitation sounds like a mix of lonely, whistful and comforting and those vibes to me seem like they can align with Erin.

Ashril - Despite This

I'll be filling my ears with some fire crackle

So you can't call me

Sky is covered by crowns, your smoke signals

They won't reach me

I cannot be convinced that Ash isn't running from something. Thus, Despite This.

[peachphernalia]

Hihi uhh uh Whole/SoulWhole ask !! Are there any non-CJ songs you associate with Whole or SoulWhole? If not [or if so, but no pressure to answer all of this!], any plants or animals?

Also wanted to say that you’re the reason I’ve become a little bit obsessed with Harmonia/Whole .. Your art has completely rewired my brain chemistry in the best way …

PS . I need you to understand the absolute explosion that occurred in my brain when the uh when the moot-ing happened [/vpos/lh !!]. You’re soso cool and genuinely make some of my favorite art in the CJ community - Stay epic and have a great day/night :333

awhghhg this is so sweet thankyou

as usual cut because this is Long (so sorry)

ohhh i have Lots of things i associate to them … byproduct of the neverending rotation of them in my brain i fear .

in terms of songs it is . hard to summarize because i do have a lottttttt of songs i think are them but i believe [one of] the most soulwhole songs of all time is hunger & thirst by typhoon . i think about the lyric [i sing a song til i get it right] in relation to them a deeply abnormal amount . & it is honestly harder to narrow one down for whole specifically but ive always felt that i listened by apes of the state was quite himcoded ? the rambly nature of it just Feels like him it feels like the exact confession he would make

for animals iiii mostly think a lot about soul with various prey animal imagery ? [sheep, deer, goats mostly] bonus points if the symbolism can align with his weird religious stuff. otherwise i really don’t think about much of anything but the textbook standard They’re So Dogs/Cats . sorry a bit disinteresting

PLANTS !!!!! I LOVE PLANTS !!!!!!!!!!!! sorry this is about to be a lot i am plagued with a floriography spinterest: whole yellow acacia & soul dames rockets !!!!!!!

yellow acacia is an assignment i am far far more confident in, the symbolism all just aligns too well . mainly concealed love which relates to the love interest situation sure but To Me is more indicative of how he feels toward himself . he is so wracked with self hatred but it's undeniable that he cares for hms . of course he does. i think he tries to mentally disconnect himself from them pretty aggressively & block off the knowledge that they truly are just him because he can't stand the idea that he has anything good in him. other symbolism includes renewal & fortitude & retirement which require Far less explanation i think . thisone is also native to australia which is kinda cute :-]

dame's rockets . honestly of my hmsw flower assignments i do think this is the weakest one i need to find something better for him . but as it stands i picked it out because it notably has a lottttt of different names which ithink can connect to soul's entire situation as relating to identity . similarly it is rather abrasively nicknamed the flower of deceit which . Gestures At Soul . i write that guy to lie constantlyyyy i do think he makes efforts to be scary in the hopes that heart & mind will listen to him i do think there are facades happening there I HAVE A FIC ABOUT THIS !!! sigh. it's also a bit more rarely known for devotion

i also do associate soul to coreopsis a bit because of a very . obtuse & strange headcanon i have about spring & a storm that is just Not worth getting into for this post it would get even more long . but perhaps could elaborate another time if the masses are interested . coreopsis' symbolism boils down to [always cheerful] though for the record ⬇️

on the topic of harmonia obsession auuwuughh thanks i always get really excited when people say stuff like that .... really really cool to me that i am making people Like This Guy !!!!! isn't he so awesome !!!!!!! joyous

thankyou So Much for all your kind words the moot-ing was only fair ! your art is fantastic

[angeltownn]

explaining every song on my loki playlist to myself for myself

i should be studying for my bio exam in <24 hours* but i don't want to do that i want to think about my stoat. Who is also sometimes a human i dont know it's complicated well anyway i'm just gonna go in order

(*i've taken so long to finish writing and post this that I took TWO of my bio exams and passed the class. well anyway)

For the most part the only Lokis I care about are Thor 1 Loki and, for comics, Seige through Agent of Asgard Loki, not because I don't like the other Lokis but because I either haven't read the rest of his comics or just straight up forget anything other than Thor 1 Loki exists. I can't manifest a single feeling about TVA Loki so I don't mention him a single time in here sorryyy... He's like a Loki-in-law to me... But point is I'll mostly be focusing on Thor 1 Loki and AoA/Kid Loki in this playlist!!! (I also kinda tend to forget Young Avengers Loki exists but um)

My name was Pluto As a planet I was known What did I do To anger the unified IAU?

Okay first of all I'm unreasonably like sickeningly obsessed with sun and moon dynamics, symbolism, etc, which like sort of vaguely transitions into general planetary/space symbolism which MEANS any time I hear a song that's even remotely related to solar objects I'm like "hoooowww can i make this about my favorite fictional characters", two of which happen to right now be the odinsons which sucks a lot because I hate them . I don't i'm sorry i lied. Point is I'm severely unwell about "My planetary dreams have fallen through ... Betrayer of your own kind, Eris". Ofc Loki is Pluto/the singer here and Thor is vaguely Eris because SOLAR OBJECTS !!!!! It kind of doesn't work because it would make more sense for Thor to be a planet and Loki to not be but I like this lyric a lot so I make it about them anyway.

BUT also I can make this about loki's identity issues which kind of counts more for comics loki but I can make it fit MCU loki if I try hard enough I thinks. Wanting to be a planet ??? Having this status taken away by forces outside his control ???

Enough of my chagrin Designated dwarf as if I've been An errant asteroid I'll just see myself out to the void

I really like the sort of ummm... What's a good word.. umm.. haughtiness? In "as if I've been an errant asteroid" very loki I thinks. Also "see myself out to the void" he does this in the movie did you know. He literally does that!!! HE DOES THAT! It's so silly.

Am I real or someone else's dream? Flying eccentric circles 'til I scream I've only gotten here Icy coats tell me to disappear

I think this bit is more about comics loki to me except for the last line which i can make about MCU loki and his whole ummm... frost giant thing. GET IT? "Icy coats tell me to disappear" THAT HAPPENS IN THE MOVIE. HE TURNS BLUE IT'S LIKE A WHOLE THING. But the rest of this bit is very comics loki post-JiM/mid-AoA to me, with the whole... Identity issues... Who even is he at this point?? His whole identity stripped away... And he's only just been born!!! Kind of . I don't know. It's confusing. He's like already been alive twice but he's like the meat of his life sandwich. Does this make sense. Okay next song.

Okay so there's a little bit of a trend in this playlist which means the first three songs are all back to back Cojum Dip songs from the Same Album BECAUSE OF THE SPACE THING OKAY . It's ONLY THREE SONGS THOUGH there's variety I promise (not really). Anyway whenever I listen to this song it becomes 1:1 Thor 1 to me. Also it has to specifically be this version (instead of the piano one) because it sounds a lot angrier which is good for Thor 1 Loki I think.

I get a lot of feelings of like hopelessness, resignation, acceptance, and whatnot from this song, which are all things I like to force the version of Loki that exists in my brain to experience because I hate him and want him dead real bad. "And as you're gasping for the last of air / You’ll tra-la-la-la-la", "Why'd it take so long? / Inching out of orbit dividing / Where did I go wrong?", lines like these make me want to tear my hair out and slam my head against a wall? You know? Like the little contrasts in the repeated "I'll see you on the moon" and "we're throwing a party" with all the darker, longing lines are sooo Thor 1 Loki to me. ALSO THE MOON THE MOON THE MOON THE MOON THE MOON anyway

The image we see of you has been Just a little late

I think this can be about Loki's growing-but-unseen resentment but also about his literal appearance, with the whole second skin thing. Like everyone's seeing a Loki shifted slightly to the left, instead of the guy himself? So he kills people about it. You know how it is

A wise woman said I'm alive Nobody's ever told her she's wrong A paella of space-talking jive I'm as alive as her beard is long

This is about Frigga to me... And Loki's general attitude of like... He still has these things and people he cares about but once everything starts going to hell he treats it all with more distance? If that makes sense? The tone of apathy and sarcasm in the last line is sooo gooodddd this song is just really good in general even IF I can't apply my blorbos to it BUT I'm always going to apply my blorbos to it because what is the point of enjoying music if I can't make it all about my favorite fictional characters. Just kidding I promise...

No es la locura (It is not madness) En realidad es el amor (It’s really love)

You know that deleted scene where Loki is supposed to say like "never doubt my love for you" to Thor and they GOT RID OF IT well it makes a little part of my soul chip off every time I think about it. Anyway this lyric is actually less about that to me and more about the end scene and battle, all I ever wanted was to be your equal or something I don't know. And ODIN. ODIN!!!! I think as much as i imagine Loki as just kind of naturally a selfish person a lot of his downfall was also just how much he cared? And not like in a soft silly way but in an "imagined slights" way, with the "imagined" part being more or less accurate at different times. Caring so MUCH about what people do, what they say, about his father's approval, about his identity, about being Asgardian, all of that, being just a naturally passionate person about Life... Investing everything in everything!!! ANYWAY point is this lyric is about all of that to me, his behavior in Thor 1 not being just an uncharacteristic outburst as SOME PEOPLE might (want to) think (hi thor) but being that buildup of everything that honestly just exists in my head since like we don't get to see MCU odinsons' childhood LOL. I don't caaare I don't CAAARE that boy got bullied for sure so he committed genocide about it and ... and... next lyric

Now that you've heard it all There is the door

"No, Loki" to me . ok that's all. next song.

this is the last cojum dip song on this playlist i prommy. So when I think about Loki and Thor I mostly like to focus on Loki's feelings of like, all of his turmoil and conflict and HE'S WILLING TO KILL HIS OWN BROTHER WHO HE GREW UP WITH FOR ONE THOUSAND YEARS I'M ALLOWED TO BE UNWELL ABOUT IT. And then he stops trying to kill him later so it's okay I think. Anyway this song is very regret heavy and about communication and relationships soooo that's basically Loki LOL.

I was the king of it And one word ruined all

Like when he becomes king?? In thor 1??? One word to me is committing genocide but you know. Umm. Symbolism. Or something. It doesn't need to be 1:1.

Absolve then you and I Would have won Which is why

Maybe if they talked about their feelings they wouldn't be fighting each other on a bridge to the death (ambiguous). Okay? Maybe you should do that . Maybe when you feel like killing your brother because you feel inferior you should like talk about it. Okay? Okay.

I will take out a bullshit policy Still, I am lost How could you forget me? ... Why can’t we just be friends?

I like that first line because it's Loki to me . With the lies and everything and bullshit like YEAH ! He does that !!! Anyway there's more of that regret and longing and stuff. "Why can't we just be friends" says guy who festered his anger for centuries before having a nervous breakdown about it and killing a bunch of people.

also there's this recurring Sound cojum dip makes throughout the song that kinda sounds like bird caws? which is very Loki to me :3

Honestly most of the lyrics in this one I don't associate with anything specific, they're just very Loki to me, ESPECIALLY the fact the song kind of ends with an insult ("Avant-garde you are not") IMMEDIATELY followed by "why won't you just follow me?". HE'S SOOO ANNOYIINGGG. HE DOES THIS. The whole push and pull. Being antagonistic, being upset at the response, being antagonistic about the response, that little feedback loop. There's probably a psychology term for that behavior or something but I'm CLEARLY not in the mindspace to use big words right now. I'm just gesturing vaguely at Loki and back to the Lyrics and being really excited about it okay. BEHOLD MY BLORBO. next song.

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMOOOOORE. I could NOT tell you how some of these songs get on this playlist PLEASE just bear with me I promise they all make sense. Maybe just to me though. Anyway it's a complete genre shift which makes listening to this playlist on shuffle an Experience but all of it is Loki Genre to me so it gets a pass. Hoookay anyway. This one is Also about... RELATIONSHIPS ! So much of Loki to me is about the people around him which is also like mostly his family which is mostly his brother so my point is anything about dysfunctional relationships is Loki to me. There would probably be more songs on here if so many songs like that weren't explicitly about romantic relationships. But this one is pretty nonspecific so I WIN! I make it about Thor and Loki okay. The brodinsons

There is very little left of me and it's never coming back

MCU and comics loki to me. This song is MOSTLY MCU loki to me but I can make some of it about his comicsness too I thinks. Anyway he is identity issues supreme burger to me so I like anything that alludes to that sort of stuff. This lyric is BEAUTIFUL! He's a changed man... life used to be so simple... and now he's like... evil or something. No one knows. Actually he's dead. I forgot about that.

There are certain things you ask of me And there are certain things I'll lack The beginning, we were winning But now I'm just making up facts

IMPOSSIBLE STANDARDS! Loki vs his father's approval. Obtain father's approval challenge FAILED! Okay anyway. Basically all of that. He's just not good enough, or whatever. Also I like that last bit cuz he's a little lying liar all the time. We should kill him about it (they do this in the movies (also in the comics (repeatedly))).

What's it matter anymore? If you believe the lies I tell There's no meaning to the words But we still sing these songs well If we all left it alone I'm sure it'll work itself out fine We keep playing with the numbers We are running out of time

I CAN'T EVEN. PUT INTO WORDS. This song is Sooo Loki to me. Loki being a stupid little lying liar. Doing all of his schemes, not leaving anything alone, I'm pretty sure the lyric is supposed to be sarcastic but in this case it's literally true. Loki causes so many problems. This is mostly Thor 1 to me btw. I like the "running out of time" bit in this song too, it's like Loki's increasing agitation as Things Keep Happening, have to keep Thor out of Asgard, have to kill the Frost Giants, have to get father's approval, have to do all of these things before it all falls apart (even more)... and stuff like that.

But you're a killer and I'm your best friend Think it's unfair, your situation You say I'm changing Sorry I didn't know I had to stay the same Can we talk about this later? Your voice is driving me, driving me insane

I don't neeeed the speaker in this song to be Loki (usually I interpret first person songs in a weird, detached narrator way?) but if I want to I can make the first few lyrics fit him anyway. I think despite how much Thor is oblivious to Loki's motivations throughout Thor 1 Loki very obviously has some VERY DEEP hatred toward Thor, in that kind of complicated "is it the situation, is it you as a person, is it what I think you think, is it our circumstances" kind of way? But definitely enough that Loki is willing to label him as a killer in his mind, maybe not using those words but attributing the same kind of hatred you would to a "killer" to his brother. Like, if Thor comes back to Asgard, everything will fall apart, he NEEDS to keep him out even if it means killing him and that's something he's willing to do, so at this point Thor is less, like, Thor, and more a symbol of something Real Real Bad in Loki's mind? If that makes sense? I think I'm losing my mind. Point is as much as Loki is still Thor's best friend, Thor is something very very evil and, to Loki, as bad as a killer. Or I can make it about Loki's Frost Giantness and how he's CLEARLY seen Thor is Very Interested in the idea of #kill murdering all of the Frost Giants. So in that way he IS a killer to Loki! Even if Loki doesn't see the Frost Giants as people. He has that whole weird thing going on. I really like it. I think about it a lot . Sorry anyway.

The rest of that lyric. Yes. Umm. Just very Loki to me LOL. The sarcasm, YEAH! The whole... I haven't changed, I've always been like this, you just didn't see it happening? Kind of thing he has going on. With the anger and all. SERIOUSLY. It HAD to have been there for a VERY long time to get this bad to the point of Thor 1. And then of course the last two lines being sooo non-communicative, it's beautiful... The anger, the refusal to just... open up... communicate... yeah!

I try to write you poems, but the words they don't make sense The hand tries to grip the pencil, but the fingers are too tense I try to show emotion, but my eyes won't seem to wet I'd love to tell you stories, but I can't remember how they went

This makes me sooo sad. I'm soooooo sad. AHHHHHH. I don't know. Loki's repressed emotions and stuff. Again with his resentment impacting his behavior. And communication... This song is just really good in general I like it. Very umm... very themes ... and stuff...

You're a werewolf and I'm a full moon And all your very worst enemies will be gone soon I think you're changing Don't worry, you don't gotta stay the same

this line? this line right here? RUINED my life. Sorry. Exaggeration. It really did though. It's also just soooo... LIKE. I like to think Loki feels veryyy... Not......... Good ? HHHAHAH. I just mean like, he would feel like he brings out the worst in people more than he brings out the best, right?? Especially with Thor, having (albeit indirectly) gotten him literally banished and stripped of his powers?? (And his mother's death in TDW... and then his father's... and then Hela's......) And sure in the end Thor learns humility and all that but that's not really thanks to Loki. Actually by the time Thor comes back to Asgard he's literally fighting Loki and destryoing the BIFROST. Which is unimaginable to even Loki. He really does bring out the worst in Thor!! At least from what he'd see. Also he #kills himself at the end so that's line 2 for me. The last bit can also be about Thor's change over the course of Thor 1 and Loki being sooooo bitter about it. Stupid idiot grew as a person and developed characteristics over the course of like a week that undoes everything I've had to put up with for centuries?? I'd be petty and also maybe kill people about it too. No I wouldn't. I promise.. But that bitterness over the unfairness of it all, the timing, everything, I really like thinking about it in my mind. So having it be reflected in those last two lines is really fun :3

This song is so MCU Thor 1 Loki to me that I made an edit about it. which I can't find right now so i can't link it or anything sorry. A lot of this song is honestly just kind of Vibes to me BUT there are a few lyrics that I can very specifically make about My Blorbo which is a JOY!

I won't go making mountains Out of molehills Any more

The whole "I won't... Anymore" is Ending of Thor 1 Loki to me. NO MORE! I'm going into the Void goodbye. the resignation on his face... i will never be over it. Okay sorry anyway. I think this bit would be a little cheeky coming from him, AGAIN with the whole "imagined slights" thing. OBVIOUSLY they are not molehills to him, they literally ARE mountains. HE CARES SO MUCH ABOUT SO MUCH! TWO WORDS. It took TWO WORDS! To convince him to let go. So instead of playing this line straight I take it more sarcastically. Loki doesn't ever really get a chance to try and explain his Feelings in the MCU aside from yelling a lil about them to Thor while they're literally fighting each other. Even when Thor makes his comments about Loki's behavior being dramatic and such, it just becomes like part of their dynamic? Basically this is just Loki accepting how he's perceived by Thor/others rather than actually admitting or conceding that anything he got upset about was a "molehill". do you understand.

I won't go chasing windmills Round in circles Any more

More of this... like... Pointlessness. He doesn't succeed in doing a SINGLE THING he wants to in Thor 1 aside from killing laufey I'm pretty sure? In fact he kind of makes things worse for himself by, you know, killing his brother... attempting genocide... What he wants gets blown way out of proportion as the movie goes on, sort of evolving from just "delay the coronation" to "KILL ALL THE FROST GIANTS, KILL THOR, BE KING, PROVE YOURSELF" and it doesn't even really change the status quo, aside from Thor not being King anymore, but even that's kind of just a delay. Loki still isn't gonna get what he wants (respect, approval, acknowledgement) and it's more out of reach than ever before so he might as well give up. Right. See.

I won't go preaching sermons To the choir what's it for? I won't go through the motions anymore

in my edit these lyrics line up with Loki letting go at the end of Thor 1 so that should get the idea across LOL. "Preaching sermons to the choir" is such a Good Line and i can interpret it in SOOO many ways. I think specifically about Loki speaking to the Warriors Three, and also a bit of when he interacts with Heimdall, the way he's sort of treated in the movie, he doesn't ever really talk about what's going on in his head, right? To him it makes sense for someone of his status (royalty, a frost giant, the younger sibling) to lash out the way he does, there's no point to try and tell people why he feels resentment and anger and has all of these walls up and antagonism, it's just natural for someone in his position to do (from his perspective)!!! So why bother trying to justify it to the people you're lashing out at? But not only that, even if he wanted to try explaining his Feelings he wouldn't let himself. Because of that word!!! FEELINGS ! ouuh scary. He's king now, he finally has the chance of being something more than secondary in arm's reach, opening up and asking for guidance or sympathy or anything would just be setting himself up for some horrible terrible unspecified fate. Like maybe they'll respect him even less than they do now, maybe he'll never have a chance at being seen as equal if they see him as a jealous, throne-chasing second son... He could weave whatever words he wants and preach whatever sermons he wants but ultimately the people around him will only hear what they want to hear because Loki is Loki and that's not a fact he can change easily. In this case the phrase isn't exaactly accurate to how I'm interpreting it; it's not that he would be saying things the "choir" already agrees with, but rather a more general interpretation of his words falling on deaf ears, being shaped to fit the world view the choir aligns with instead. If they only ever see villainy in you, there's no point in saying otherwise, because that in and of itself will be villainous.

How much of that I think is actually accurate and not just Loki's horrible terrible no good mental constructs issssss....... like.... debatable?? I don't know... From what we see of Asgard, maybe his fears would come true and asking for help or asking for respect would just make him even less liked by everyone. Or maybe they wouldn't? They're pretty mean to him in the comics at least LOL. We'll never know for sure...

Anyway the rest of the lyrics don't really represent any specific Lokiness to me but the vibes are right so it works!!!! Onwards!!!!!!

This song is so funny to me like it's so scary to see on literally any character playlist. oh nooo you're not normal.. .scary. AHHa. Well anyway. I'm not even gonna lie I kind of don't know what this song is really about because my eyes glaze over every time I try to read the lyrics and discern any meaning from it (which is not a fault of the song it's a fault of my own) so it's mostly here for vibes and also because there's like two lines in here that are very brodinsons to me.

No sympathetic voices anywhere There's blood in my hair

very vibes to me. Idiot with NO FRIENDS! also i really like the imagery of "blood in my hair", like this sort of grimy messy "something's gone wrong" it evokes? If that makes sense. There shouldn't be blood in your hair, and if there is, it can kind of be anyone's? I like that it's so ambiguous, which I think also fits loki because of how ambiguous his emotions are, being all inconsistent and unidentified and contradictory and !!! All of it!!!! The blood he's spilled, the people he's hurt, but also how much he's been hurt, by his own hand and others', unwillingly or not, unknowingly or not, just a lot of Mess and Grime and Wrongness and Everything. I like it.

When I die I want you to die too Not trying to stay in this or any dimension without you Spit on this planet without you I envy you because you can believe in things like I never could

There's this bit in the song that repeats where it goes like "you're the only [thing] I don't want to strangle", "you're the only [thing] I believe in", which i LOVE, ESPECIALLY when it's accompanied by THIS lyric that's so... Unhealthy?? I guess?? You're the only thing I believe in but when I go down I want you to come with me??? But then the addition of like, i can't be alone without you??? Even in death????? Loki to me. About thor ofc. Sometimes I think about Ragnarok and how Loki eventually comes to accept Thor as a King. LETS HIM take the throne. to be fair he dies like immediately after this happened so we don't know if he was gonna stage a coup or something but I choose to believe this is after a good few years of Character Development and Loki's feelings have kind of started to stabilize, or at least be less........ angstyyy? Less "I need to kill my brother about this" y'know... YOUR WHOLE PLANET JUST GOT BLOWN UP you're GONNA have some different feelings about the whole... crown thing. Is a king of a planet the same as a king of a spaceship? God okay anyway, point is, I like this lyric, i think it's very Emotional and Charged and Contradictory and very Loki to me okay. And also that last bit. Just.......... the...... everything....... the everything. You know how it is. Thor trusting Loki time and time and time again (except for when he doesn't but that happens like two times ever).... Loki who at a certain point doesn't trust ANYBODY.... Yeah. Okay. Next song

WAIT NO I LIED. I FORGOT. addendum. the last line, "I envy you because you can believe in things like I never could"? it's so "Over all the millenia, only you ever loved me, Thor. Only you have ever looked at me with affection in place of condescension. Why then, am I killing you and not the others? Because you stopped." to me. do you see the vision. okay next song for real now

I think I literally didn't mean to put this song on this playlist cuz when I first had it come on I was like, did I accidentally click off my playlist?? But no it's on there so I listened to it and decided it can stay. I think it's very vibe to me. Very Loki. YEesss.. Okay.

I had enough, either give me what I want or put me on the streets I'm getting tired of living my life like nothing's happening

very Loki to me. He's a LITTLE extreme okay. A liiiittle. A bit dramatic... With very strong motivations!! But still!!! Dramatic!!! HE DID NOT NEED TO BE DOING ALL OF THAT. ok. But also very, if he can't get what he wants, to the point his wants are basically NEEDS, he's going to go on a total crashout. Which he does! And then he dies about it. Ambiguously. He comes back in avengers but i dont care point is he lets go and i will never be normal about it. Also I just like that second line since I feel it reflects his whole "Second son" thing. What's even the point of being a prince if you aren't gonna get the crown? What's even the point of being a prince if you don't have the King's approval??? What's even the point if you're always going to be second????

Talk is cheap but lies are even cheaper

lies mentioned

There's nothing left to talk about but there's plenty left to do And if it's all the same to me you know it'll be different to you

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH. Okay I like this first line a lot, very communication issues of it, BUT. THIS SECOND LINE. It's so good. It's just so... Sooo.... Loki.... Like he's living in a completely different world. A completely different perspective no one can see!!! His own reality!!! And he thinks he knows this, so he never TALKS about it!!! EVER!!! Oh my god. I just hate him. I hate everything he does. I hate him. Like he just accepts that nobody would understand, or not even that they wouldn't try but they just inherently can't, so he never bothers. Never tries to approach his issues with life in a way that DOESN'T involve scheming or indirect approaches or making-people-do-things-you-want-them-to-do-by-making-them-think-they-want-to-do-them style. You know??? LIKE JUST....... God. okay. anyway.

Pardon me I must apologize I've been this way for quite some time I tried to be just a long time ago

To be honest I don't know what the last line means exactly LOL but I like this bit anyway <3. He has had so many issues for like ever <3. He wouldn't apologize about it though. He'd be all petty about it. Oh sorry maybe you should've not kidnapped an infant and lied to it about its race for a thousand years . Or whatever. you know how he is.

ok this one is like a Special Treat for me. It gives me a lot of Dopamine or whatever the chemical is that you get when you look at funny instagram reels. It's SOOO JiM Loki and Thor to me. OH MYGOD!!!! NOOBODY UNDERSTANDS. sorry. I can't be normal about this. they're brothers. listen.

This presence of mind Perspective can (can) lend (lend)

your brother, who has almost consistently spent the majority of your lives being a total antagonistic bastard, has exploded and died and his LAST WORDS are "I'm sorry, Brother". if i was thor i'd..... i don't know i wouldn't be thor. but i'd do something for sure. something EVIL. and murderous. Thor doesn't do anything like that because he's silly and normal though. It was kind of some silly goofy manipulation from Loki but it worked!!! Poor thor can't ever have a genuine moment from Loki. At least not Classic Loki. Point is though he gets some "perspective" from this moment.

How's it gonna feel when You break, break, break This thin veneer The air of indifference you make?

kid loki makes me so sad. you don't understand. it maeks me SO sad. HE'S JUST A KID. He's literally a child. He tries so hard to make everything work out and in the end it DOESN'T. And he CARES SO MUCH !!! ABOUT !!!! EVERYTHING !!!! BECAUSE THATS HOW LOKI IS !!!! But he consistenly tries not to show it . He's very ummm... Goofy silly, don't take things too seriously kind of self preservation style. You get it? Anyway this lyric makes me lose my mind.

Tell me how Tell me when I'll ever tire of you here And I could comb this town For years and years And never find a gaze that's quite as clear Clear as you

thor literally hunts down his reincarnated kid brother because he Missed Him. Even though his brother literally did nothing but be annoying as hell LOL. I love these two i hate them i hate them i hate them i HAAATE them. I hate thor specifically. And loki too though. No one is safe. I HATE THOR. I can't believe him. He cares about his brother so much!!!!!!!

Anyway the rest of the lyrics aren't really specific to anything in my mind, it's just very brothers to me. Every time I think about kid loki and Thor my brain turns inside out. My neurons all light up at the same time it's killing me. I'm DYING!!!!!!!!! It's a sweet lil song about caring a lot about someone soooo I win forever . Yay. Next song

okay so you know how there were three cojum dip songs from the same album back to back . well i also have three AJJ songs from the same album back to back because ... BECAUSE. AJJ music makes me lose my mind but this album in particular is just sooo good at capturing A Feelings that I HAVE to assign it to my blorbos it's a law of the universe. okay anyway. Golden Eagle.

You had what you had until the horses took it

To me this song is very comics loki, post-JiM loki, mid-AoA loki. It can be MCU loki too but that's the beauty of loki he is simply so Issues and Identities. But anyway I like that in the comics Asgard is more classic style like straight up midieval kingdom style instead of more alien technology like in the movies? So that is the horses to me <3 Asgard!!

You knew what you were and you couldn't stand it You loved your country enough to support it

OKAY I can make this either about Frost Giant MCU Lokiness ORRRR I can make this about post-JiM Loki and his... everything?? ESPECIALLY AoA LOKI. Having that guilt over his shoulders all of the time, still sticking around Asgard and staying loyal to the allmothers through it all, trying to still identify with all this stuff despite not really having a place there anymore (and eventually finding out it never even worked out for him in the end)..... MAKES ME SIIIICK.

But nothing ever made you complete No, nothing ever made you complete Golden Eagle

yeah <3

You respected the sport and you could afford it A hundred hobbies you have outlived Your mother, she called bullshit and you ignored it

Taking these lyrics very literally and making them about the whole Killing Your Self (ambiguous) thing. Literally outliving himself over and over, being this weird amalgamation of his own lives he's traded to get to where he is now, whether he likes it or not?? Also Freyja being there. I have a lot of Feelings around post-evil Loki Reveal and how AoA Loki realizes that with how much Freyja does and doesn't know, from her perspective she was willing to let JiM Loki turn into Evil Loki?? At this point she doesn't even know AoA Loki is Classic Loki, so she WAS WILLING TO LET JiM "FRESH START" LOKI TURN EVILLLL FOR ASGARDDDD IM SIIICK. Anyway yeah they talk about it for like maybe two panels and then loki goes off and explodes or something I only sort of vaguely remember AoA.

You had what you had until the horses took it But on a second glance, no, no, no, no, you did it You killed a man And you wrote a book on birds, but still

LOKI AND HIS BEAUTIFUL GUILT <3 LOKI AND HIS BEAUTIFUL REGRET <3 Loki and his literally self destructive behavior <3 they could never make me hate you. Again there's all of his complex feelings of like, nature vs nurture!! Is he the only one hurting himself?? Was there never anyone else?? Was anything he felt ever justified?? Did Asgard ever do anything or did he just ruin his own life for the sake of it??? He doesn't know!!! Also he killed himself (ambiguous) and also he was a bird sometimes so that's the last two lines. LOL.

ahhhhhh. AHHHHHH. Okay. I really really love this album just by default but i'm not complaining if I get to think about it More by assigning my Blorbos to it. But point is i really like this song in general and it gives me The Feelings. Feelings which I can only process through the medium of a fictional character. Understand? Okay good. There will be a quiz at the end. Keep this in mind.

I was throttled to the ground I was locked inside a basement The guards went on vacation while I plotted my revolt

I think all of these AJJ songs on here are about comics loki mostly which I'm only realizing now HAHAH. He just has a very special kind of Issue that MCU loki doesn't capture. But with this song I think the perspective shifts around a lot to all of the JiM and AoA Lokis, with all the different perspectives and all. This one is more AoA Main Loki and Evil Old Loki to me, with both Classic Loki and AoA Loki having those feelings of being locked up, whether it be by their positions in life (being the Villain) or by their guilt and their duty to Asgard? And both of them having their different motives and secrets, though Evil Loki's are like. Blowing everything up. and AoA loki's are like..... not letting people know he killed himself to become himself LOL. You know how it is.

I was tired and confused Doesn't look like that is changin' I'm a hallucination of myself at 3 years old

These lines are soooo. AoA Loki to me. Especially the third one? HE'S JUST SOOOO. AHHH. The issues. WHO ARE YOU? Who even is he? THE LIFE SANDWICH. RIGHT? He's all of these different things to the point he can't even claim to be any one person?? I feel so bad for AoA Loki cuz he never even really gets good closure before he like... blows himself up and dies(?). I think he sort of confronts his identity issues in a very literal "i am talking to the ghosts of my past" kind of way but I can't remember if that's before he is #rebirthed after blowing himself up or not. EITHER WAY THAT'S NOT ENOUGH ANYWAY to undo ALL OF THAT so... His Issues. He needs to go to therapy... Anyway "myself at 3 years old" JiM Loki to me.

Goodbye, oh goodbye

i think about loki and how much he dies a lot and it makes me sick so i can't think about it. or else I'll have an aneurysm or something.

You were perched atop my shoulder You were pecking at my head

IIII LOOOOVE BIRDDD IMAGERYYY BECAUSE I CAN MAKE IT ABOUT. YOU KNOW IT. LOKI!!!!!!! He is literally bird. ESPECIALLY in JiM!!!! He's literally there he's a bird. He's a bird talking to himself. He has a bird who is himself. He is the bird and he's the head and shoulders. Understand??? Also the self destructive tendencies you know how it is

I was bleeding my last brains It's nothing like the nothingness that normally numbs one's pain

Loki's deaths are always so impermanent, like even DYING can't free him from his own cycles of harmful and reductive behavior?? THE ULTIMATE END ALL BE ALL. I know that's just kind of how comics are but COME ONNNN with Loki it's so INTENTIONAL!!!

7th grade was hard enough Someone thought that they knew me

Sometimes I mishear lyrics and it makes me sad cuz eventually I realize I'm insane and living in a reality nobody else is in. Anyway I misheard the "they knew me" as "they were me" for a while and that would've been much more Blorbo but you know what? the beauty of media is interpretability and boy do I know how to Interpret Things. Anyway this is about JiM Loki to me. He's literally bullied, almost murdered?? repeatedly by the Asgardians, like HE'S LITERALLY LIKE TWELVE YEARS OLD OR SOMETIHNG LEAVE THAT BOY ALONE!!!! Worse than middle school i thinks. JK nothing is worse than middle school. Anyway. "Someone" here is for sure Classic Loki. And his magpieness. The whole, degrees of separation, you aren't me and you think you know me but you don't because as much as we're the same person we are different people entirely? Thing? Get it? See????

If I stay in bed long enough They'll go to church without me

JiM Loki makes me so sad he is so lonely he needs so much support and everyone is like so mean to him his only friend is leah and thor. and also volstagg is nice to him like sometimes. Anyway I like this lyric a lot in general it's very Feelings <3.

If I move away enough They won't outrun me Goodbye, oh goodbye

JiM SPENDS SO MUCH TIME TRYING TO ESCAPE HIS PAST AND IN THE END IT DOESN'T WORK. HE TRIES SO HARD AND DOES EVERYTHING HE CAN AND HE STILL ENDS UP LOSING!! (in that weird sort of "i win" but he still died way). IT'S NOT EVEN HIS PAST, IT'S THE ACTIONS OF A PERSON WHO IS HIM BUT HE IS NOT??? To me this line is JiM Loki's hopes of moving away from Classic Loki and finally gaining the acceptance of the Asgardians as his own new person. Ultimately his plans fall apart and he gets assimilated into the Lokimalgamation.... I think about kid loki Every Day.

ok this is the Last AJJ song on here. It's ummm...... more....... nonspecific I think? There are a few bits that are very loki to me though. This one is also pretty JiM heavy, but also mostly just The Vibes, all this imagery of inner child and inner evils and this almost kind of dread that builds up throughout the song? Is soooo JiM Loki to meeee.

I found a small red boy inside my tummy With three dollars in change and a Milky Way Lite In my occasional pursuit to find something more meaningful Than yet another word that rhymes with "die"

I really like imagining the lokis meeting as "finding" each other. JiM Loki finding Classic Loki ... Old Loki finding AoA Loki ... It's such a weird idea, finding yourself?? Finding different versions of yourself?? But like, in the way that you're literally meeting a speaking, breathing, thinking version of yourself with their own lived experience and their own opinions and feelings and, you know, it's not even really you but just kind of an adjacent individual? Yeah all of that. The first two lines also kind of have that like, distant childhood memory feeling, like unearthing someone who's been buried for a real long time JUST LIKE KID LOKIII. All of the innocence and the... absence of all of the crimes he commits later in his life LOL. The last two lines are kind of self explanatory I hope ?? At this point in my ranting and raving ? Loki's literal pursuit for meaning and fresh starts and escaping death !!! I hate him

And then, he opened up those eyes that said: "I am, I am, I am, I am the truth"

This bit (the "I am, I am, I am, I am the truth") gets repeated throughout the song as it gets more and more intense and it's not only just SOOO GOOODDDD but also to me is SO VERY AoA Loki to me. THE SLOW EVOLUTION FROM Young Avengers' KID LOKI GHOST TO THE AoA MANIFESTATION OF HORROR AND GUILT AND UNFORGIVABLE CRIMES??? IT'S SO GOOD. And fits so well with this songgg!!! His guilt, and the way it manifests as Kid Loki, gets more and more irrepressible as YA and AoA go on, to the point it's literally screaming at him to be acknowledged ... The truth of what he's done, what he is, what he did it to, what he can and cannot undo ... makes me SIIICK.

I showered him with love and adulation One day, he was just as tall as me I showed him all the books that I was raised on Your Madeleine L'Engles and D'Aulaires Mythology And in a montage that could warm the heart of Hitler I raised him up, so proud and motherly I swore that I was glancing in a mirror When in the language that I taught him Oh God, he began to speak—he said: "I am, I am, I am, I am the truth I am, I am, I am, I am the truth"

okay this song is just. reallyyyy. good. it has so MUCH in it and it's so HEARTFELT so i really like this whole verse in general, but!! Again . MY BLORBO. everything is about my blorbo, to me. so. i think with all the themes of like, inner evils, this whole song is vaguely ... ominous ? Again it has that encroaching dread that builds and builds and it's SO GOOD but also I feel like both AoA and JiM have that same development in them, for different characters and different reasons. And I think they're both kind of represented in this verse and the next, with this bit being more JiM Loki. For JiM Loki, you start to notice when everything's getting more and more tangled and everything's getting more and more out of hand and you realize WITH him that Classic Loki of course wasn't just going to let him get away with turning him into a bird and keeping him as a pet— HE'S LOKI! BETRAYING HIMSELF! so I think this verse fits that, and especially that last bit lines up with Kid Loki's last little moments ... I just really like the idea too of raising your own inner child, who is also kind of your own evil (your planned crimes, a future murder) and turning on him right as he starts to become his own Person. His own Thing .

Okay. This song is just. so good. but. bear with me here. i NEED to include this entire verse it's just so good. it's a lil long but, come on!!! It's so PEAK!!!

And his eyes became a beacon, an LCD projector Broadcasting all my memories in a clear and vivid picture His tongue became a staircase, his uvula the knocker Of an ornate wooden door that led me straight into my future His throat became a hallway with a thousand baby pictures

This lines up so well with all the casual body horror in AoA, with AoA Loki's guilt manifesting as this horrific little distorted whisp of a boy. Especially the mouth imagery; the echo of a scream!!! RIGHT?? RIGHT ??? SEE ????? IT'S SO GOOD

And I became forgiveness; I transformed into the closure that I lost When I learned about the tragedy of all of us

This is also sort of just before the climax of the song, and fits really well with the buildup to AoA's climax too!! Starting to come to terms with Him, with his Future and Past and his everything, addressing his guilt and his role as a murder weapon, culminating in dying from it and being reborn to escape his own little death spiral cycle. man..

I walked through the hallway to a room of only mirrors Reflecting me in bondage, so I watched myself get freer I let my horns grow longer; I observed my skin get redder My soul became a hammer; I started to feel better My hatred turned to pity; my resentment blossomed flowers My bitter tasted candy; my misery was power The truth in me grew brighter—my nature and my nurture

In this bit the singer starts to become one with the inner evil, inner child, everything that the "small red boy" represents, all of that complex Life Stuff. I LOVE IT. This song is just... so good .... and it's so.... About Personhood, self identification... self acceptance and growth and being a multifaceted individual and youth and fear and EVERYTHING ! And i love it for all of that . And it goes on the loki playlist because loki is also all of that to me. He is a special little guy in my brain and i need him out so badly so i can enjoy things normally again without typing for hours about his stupid idiot songs and his stupid idiot musics and his STUPID little themes and murderingness and everything GOD anyway okay this verse is just so good it's so peak I can't even explain why it's good it's jsut SO GOOD!!! The acceptance !! The TRUTH!!! THE NATURE AND THE NURTURE !!! And it's just not the same when it's written, this whole verse is significantly Louder and Crunchier than everything that comes before it in the song, almost like a manic storm of emotion as all of these different clashing parts of the self come together and i reaaalllyyyy liiikeeeee itttt. this is less about loki right now and more about how much I like this song.

No more shame, no more fear, no more dread! I am, I am, I am, I am the truth

no more shame, no more fear, no more dread... I'd put the song of this same album of the same name on the playlist too but i'm unwell about AJJ and if I had to listen to four AJJ songs when trying to think about my blorbo, Loki, I would have some kind of never before seen medical episode I think . Anyway this lyric makes me want to blow up a house

IM SORRYYYYYYYYY IM SORRYYYYYYYYY IM SORRY IM SORRY I DIDN'T WANT TO PUT MITSKI ON THE LOKI PLAYLIST BUT I HAAAAD TO IT'S THE FEEELINGSSS. I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGSSSS I HAVE TO PUT MY FEELINGS MUSIC ON THE PLAYLIST FOR MY FEELINGS BLORBO. LISTEN!!!!! AHHHH. I'm sorryyy. I'm sorryyyy.... This song on its own has been the soundtrack to so many of my crying fits already, but I've also cried about loki just Existing so i promise that's not really saying much I cry a lot about a lot of things all of the time I'm a very emotional. person. but. gah. okay. listen.

Mom, I'm tired Can I sleep in your house tonight? Mom, is it alright If I stay for a year or two?

I justtttt. I justtstttttt. I wish Loki had more scenes with his MOMMM in the MCU and in the comics too because I feel like there's so much heavy lifting done by fandom in my head and not enough of actual canon content of Loki having like, a SINGLE person to fall back on when things go Insane, because even though his mother is thereee and they clearly have a unique relationship she's still kindaaaaa? Um. The Way She Is. I already mentioned her weird kid-loki-doomed-classic-loki-acceptance thing in the comics but also in the movies she visits loki like once while he's in #jail and i'm pretty sure they deleted a scene of her and loki getting to chat in thor 1 and she's mostly only there for like three exchanges with loki... IF i remember correctly IDK I might be forgetting I haven't actually rewatched the films since likeee a few months ago.. ANYWAY. All of that rambling and for WHAT. I can say so little with so few words. anyway.. MY POINT IS I WANT LOKI TO HAVE SOME COMFORT FROM SOMEBODYYY AND IF I HAVE TO MAKE IT A MADE UP VERSION OF HIS MOM IN MY HEAD I WILL!!!!!!!! HE HAS FAMILY ISSUES SUPREME BUT IT WORKS BECAUSE ATTACHMENT AND DEPENDENCE CAN BE JUST AS UNHEALTHY SO IT CAN COEXIST WITH ALL THE DESPAIR AND UNRELIABILITY IN HIS FAMILY. I think about the MCU deleted scene where (after chatting with his mom for a lil) loki is handed his father's scepter after his dad goes into sleepmode and he sort of looks back at his mom ... and he seems kind of unsure but kind of excited about the whole thing, but still, you know, completely wordless, guy who doesn't talk about ANYTHINGGG. even though she's Right There ... and she was kind of the only person on his side for Thor 1, with all the crazy chaos going on, finding out he's adopted, becoming king, you know, the only support he got was from her, but even then he commits to having all of his schemes and plans and everything instead of just CONFIDING in her or something...

Mom, would you wash my back? This once, and then we can forget And I'll leave what I'm chasing For the other girls to pursue

to me this whole song is just some kind of distant thought he might've had while growing up, that sort of thing where you entertain a scenario in your head knowing you'll never really do it? which in this case is opening up about his feelings and asking for some support from his mother LOL. and even then he has to add that little allowance at the end, like "don't worry it's just for now and then I'll be back to doing everything Right", right??

Mom, am I still young? Can I dream for a few months more?

i know Kid Loki in JiM is kind of his own person but it still makes me sick to think that Classic Loki was once like that too . And honestly MCU loki too, all of the ... you know... having these schemes, having this "in the shadows" behavior, when you're all about mischief, being in the spotlight, attention, getting up in peoples' faces, but repressing it all over time, having this resentment against the people you would hope you'd trust and love the most in the world... and they don't even know it? All of that CHANGE! And then taking it to the most literal extreme in JiM, finally recapturing that youth through MURDER AND THEFT... "Free" from all the "reasons" to be what he became, but still sort of being that person already, it's complicated, point is, I'm sad .

I listened to this song on loop while drawing kid stoatki and it made me want to SLAM MY HEAD INTO A WALL REPEATEDLY. And so it went on the playlist. To be honest this song is almost ENTIRELY vibes, the lyrics are soooo beautiful but i don't associate many of them with any specific Loki Thing. Just... All of the VIBES. THE SADNESS THE LONGING!!! THE IMPENDING DOOM. THE "IT'S SO OVER AND IT HASN'T EVEN STARTED". It's very JiM/AoA Loki to me.

What are we gonna do now What are we gonna do, baby Saw you sleeping outside with a red nose Saw you sleeping in bed with your day clothes on

More of the ambiguous narratorness that I like to interpret songs with, but I can definitely see some of these lines being about Loki from Loki, you know? Just ... The pet names, with the song contents kind of implying the pet names are soon-to-be-retired, and those last two lines evoking sort of a childish, tiredness...

What are we gonna do now What are we gonna do, sweetheart You still haven't cleaned the kitchen And we're still on hold with the nurses

AoA Loki to me. That boy is in active combat with the manifestation of guilt over his own murder do you think he can function living in an apartment alone??? Maybe projection a lil but I firmly believe he'd be struggling a lil too much to keep things nice and orderly all the time LOL.

When are we gonna wake up In some cubicle cell with our shirts tucked? I'll be the one I'll be the one to deliver the news

With this bit I think the song is more about like, when is the whimsy all gonna go away? When is reality gonna hit us? But for my Lokiness I'm taking it more as like, when is the lie gonna get stripped away? When is everything just gonna be laid bare, no fantasies, no absurdity, just the plain facts of the world, which happennnn to include his self-murder and stuff. Also he is LITERALLY the one to deliver the news of his own death, murder, whatever, i think about it ALL the time, this poor guy <3 ahghgh.

I know you're worn, you're exhausted This is love, this is lost on you

ALL OF THE LOVE AoA LOKI GETS IS FOR A PERSON HE ISN'T. IT'S FOR THE BOY THEY THINK HE IS, NOT THE AMALGAMATION HE BECAME. It's horrible. Makes me SO sick. All of the friends he makes, all of the interactions he has with the Asgardians, with Thor, with his mother, they all think he's the person he killed, the person with no blood on his hands, the better version of himself... It's SIIICK.

And I'm never cooking up what you're craving I'm never cooking up what you're craving

^^^ Same as above, just being... not the thing you're meant to be. Whether you like it or not?? The murder weapon...

This song is so good it makes me SO sick. I love it sooo much it's so pretty and SAD and AHHHHH. DEVASTATING!!! IT'S HORRIFIC !!! IT'S THE BEST THING EVER. I'm SICKKKKKk.

you know who this one's about. you already know. YES i'm making it about the brothers I HATE THAT THERE'S SO LITTLE ACTUAL CONTENT OF THEM INTERACTING THEY'RE THE ONLY THINGS I CARE ABOUT!!! sure I love Loki's silly wacky hijinks but so MUCH of him is characterized by Thor just.... EXISTING. there is no loki without thor. you know how it is. there's a whole comic about that okay I'm not just Saying it. anyway.. i just miss them okay .

How long do I have to wait 'Til my lonely days are over? My heart is on the train A bag without an owner

loki and his horrible isolation and his horrible zero support system and his everything. and I hate him. and . they should invent therapists on asgard. and invent talking about feelings and stuff. and maybe invent good parenting. and then maybe nothing bad would have happened ever. god. GOD!!!!!!!!! TALK TO YOUR BROTHER INSTEAD OF LYING TO HIM AND KILLING HIM AND AND AND. AND ... but then you see how thor ACTS in thor 1 and you kind of sort of understand loki's unwillingness to open up to .. That. Right?? And Thor ... he just ... doesn't know who loki Is. Most of the Time. And Loki I think knows this . so . it hurtsss. no easy fix...

I put myself to bed just halfway through the party I love all my friends but I hate when their eyes are on me

STOP ISOLATING YOURSELF STOP ACTIVELY MAKING THINGS WORSE BECAUSE YOU THINK THEY CAN'T POSSIBLY GET BETTER. STOP REFUSING TO MAKE AN EFFORT BECAUSE IT ALREADY ALL SEEMS SO HOPELESS AND POINTLESS. SOTP IT!! CUT IT OUT!!! JUST STAWP!!!! aauhh. See I say all of this but I don't really mean it, the beauty of loki to me is in the decisions he makes and the reasons why he makes them, if he wasn't the way he was I wouldn't care him enough to be writing this post HAHAH. which to be honest is already way too long. this isn't even close to the end though... ahhh. Also I think that second line is a bit more tongue-in-cheek than it is in the song itself, more along the lines of Loki's "not that I don't love our chats, but... I don't love them" from Thor 2. Like, oh yes, I love all of these people who only sort of tolerate my presence, I just also happen to hate when they look at me. Which makes me sad . because he is such an ... eccentric person? With all of his mischief and everything ... becoming so bitter and defensive is so.... AHHH . AND THEN I THINK ABOUT KID LOKI AND IT ALL JUST!!! It's so much. Moving on...

I miss being friends with you, but what can I do? What can I do but leave you alone?

I think Loki really does think his brother is hopeless in Thor 1, just... completely unreachable, unreasonable, to the point he is more talking to himself than he is Thor when they have any kind of exchange. Right?? And yet despite that, there's that deleted scene where he reminds Thor he loves him, and every time I think about it one of my organs turns inside-out. Because, yeah, maybe he DOES miss his brother, maybe he DOES still love him, but what can he do about that, he has no choice except to scheme and plot and try to get things to turn out the way he wants without ever directly just talking about it because it just won't work. And then everything falls apart because of course it does... To be clear I don't even think that Loki is necessarily wrong when he goes straight to plotting rather than communication, it's just Very Sad to me that he can get to a point in his life where this Is the case, and a choice he makes without hesitation. You know??? man I hope that makes sense. I HATE fictional characters.

Here's to you and me And the crumbling infrastructure no one else can see The end result of my own reckless impulsivity Could you spare a sec to talk to me?

DO I EVEN NEED TO EXPLAIN. I REALLY DON'T THINK I NEED TO AT THIS POINT. YOU HAVE TO SEE MY VISION. IT SPEAKS FOR ITSELF. the crumbling infrastructure no one else can see??? the end result of my own reckless impulsivity????? CAN YOU SPARE A SEC TO TALK TO ME????? I'm sick and I'm never going to get better.

Underneath the streetlight You are dark and sweet and golden I creep out of the night To rest my head on your shoulder And I can tell you really love me Can you tell I'm really sorry? Can you tell I'm really sorry? Let's just go home

this verse makes me just. ARGH. ARGHH. it's such a sad and bittersweet little part of the song and it's soooooo themmmm to me... I like the "dark ... and golden" contrast, creeping out of the dark into the light, all of that yummy symbolism and Opposites.... THE REPEATING OF THE APOLOGY??? IT'S ALL SO HORRIBLEEE. One of the things I hate the most about the brothers is how, you know, I don't think Thor ever meant or means to be malicious really ? He wasn't perfect and definitely an ass (in the movies) but normally those traits don't make you someone worth KILLING or even particularly a person who'd be considered overall "bad", right ... he was ignorant, arrogant, and those traits led him to say, do, and think cruel things but also he was young (by asgardian standards I think) and very spoiled and very powerful and surrounded by yes men and ... everything !!! nature and nurture and all that ?? and a lot of the way he treats loki , it's you know, similar to how everyone else does , kinda brush him off and not take him seriously and stuff, but i think from him in specific it's just so much Worse because it's not just PEOPLE treating you like you're secondary, it's THE PERSON YOU'RE SECONDARY TO treating you like you're secondary, and after so long of ONLY reinforcement of this behavior and no argument whatsoever thor does seriously start to see Loki as secondary, though it's "secondary" alongside literally everyone else in his life LOL since that's just how he Is at the beginning of Thor 1. and there's a lot i could get into about my FEELINGSSS about how, like, if you don't respect someone or see them as their own person, can you really call that love? but ultimately loki was thor's brother and i don't think thor ever really wanted to HURT him . and especially post thor 1 and into ragnarok he's .. Better About It (though i can point out at least four separate times where he's Barely Changed but im going to call that evil writing instead of actual representations of thorbehavior because those moments Can't Coexist with "thor is supposed to be a developed and humbled person now" so i think they're just Bad (also i'm DELUSIONAL and if the canon content outweighs my headcanon that means they're just WRONG. OKAY!!!)). mcu sucks though because they never let these two talk about their Feelings and get serious for real closure so i guess it'll just have to exist in my head . but all of that to say, i think as much as loki can apologize to thor for all the harm he causes while he's going off the deep end, thor also has a lot of apologies to make, and if they could have a Moment like this together maybe they'd be able to share them . both in the comics And MCU I thinks . but um . marvel hate me for real so that's why i have to draw them as silly animals hugging it out or something . have to do everything around here. ghhhh. okay. next song.

IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY I NEEDED TO PUT THIS ON HERE I DON'T WANT TO PUT MOTHER MOTHER ON ANY MORE PLAYLISTS EVER BUT I HAAAVE TO I'M SORRYYYY. mother mother is simply so good their songs are so The Feelings. Gah. before even getting INTO the lyrics can i just gesture at the song title??? Hiii. HIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.

Try to change, I try to change I make a list of all the ways to change my ways But I stay the same, I stay the same, oh I will try and try to change, but I just stay the same ... In a decadent age, I try to change All my decadent ways, but I just can't help but Stay the same in a decadent age, oh ... I will try and try to change, but the list I made of change to make It blew away, flew away

Much like the song title, I'm just ... GESTURING !!!!!! I don't even... I don't even know if i have much to say about these lyrics individually?? I just HAD to put this song on the playlist because, like, it's all about, YOU KNOW, CHANGE? And making excuses for it, being unable to and wanting to but having all of these little variables... And I see so much of it in loki!!! It can be about MCU loki but I'm definitely thinking of AoA loki here, with all of his horrid... identities. Timelines . Meeting his future self and learning, maybe he didn't try hard enough?? Something must have tempted him back to villainy, back to self destruction, SOMETHING must have convinced him to give up on his new identity of good. So maybe he can't change, and he's left sort of uncertain about that for a bit. But also you look at Future Loki and it's like, he DIDN'T do anything wrong, he DIDN'T do anything to stray from his identity, but the lies and his history was just so baked into who he was seen as by other people and, being unable to fully escape that, all the hopelessness convinced him to just give up on it. There's all of this like... discussion of predetermined paths, what makes you who you are, like is it what you do, what people see you do, what they THINK you'll do, is it what you want to do, what you have done, what makes the rules? what decides if you've really changed or not, and what makes it worth it to YOU? What lines have to be crossed to have truly changed, by your definition or others'? and are they really achievable?

this might be the shortest section so far, I don't have much to say about the individual lyrics, the theming of the song is just so spot-on on its own ... it's beautifullll. ahhh. the tragedy of change!!!

so i kind of sort of have debated keeping this song on the playlist, i really loveee it but honestly only the first verse and chorus are Loki to me. The rest of it is really good but !!! Not as Loki to me . it's too um... Like, I like giving loki a lil sprinkle of depersonalization, ESPECIALLY in the comics (AoA loki you are depersonalization supreme to me) but i think ultimately he does still... feel? Like a person? Just that he feels detached from who that person is, if that makes sense? "I couldn't pass the Turing test if I had the answer sheet" and "I can't even give a fuck in my dreams / Oh what I wouldn't give to care enough to scream" are really yummy lines but they're a little too apathetic, like not having any feelings at all rather than just feeling separated from those feelings. Which works with the overall song's message !!! I just can't fit it into my specific interpretation which is molded around my favorite fictional character . So I'm just gonna focus on the bits that are loki to me . when this song comes on while im playing my playlist i zone out for the second half because i can't think about loki to it FDKLGDFJ/

Put your index finger in your mouth And scratch your cheek real slow Draw blood, taste water And drink it 'til there's no more

MENTAL ILLNESS SUPREME!!! I am sometimes a little stingy on headcanons for characters but i am giving AoA Loki Every Problem sorry. That boy is not right. Or soemthing. What's the point of having a blorbo if you can't project on them a little ??? Anyway, depersonalization beam GO. also some of that self destructive behavior again, pains that feel like they're happening to Someone Else... you know how it is. or maybe you don't. i seek understanding but not at the cost of the suffering of others'.

Throw a punch, watch it sail through the air Keep talking but there's nobody there Can't remember anything that you say

I think this can be a little MCU loki too, still very AoA/JiM heavy but MCU loki is self destruction supreme so he can be in this verse if he wants to be. Especially with those first two lines, like showing off the antagonistic behavior... getting his words ignored CONSTANTLY. like seriously, nobody talks to him like a normal human being in Thor 1, except for like, his mom?? Everyone else either talks at him (warriors 3) or straight up don't acknowledge him (heimdall) or LITERALLY PASS OUT (ODIN) while he's trying to get an idea across ... man ... i wouldn't commit genocide about it maybe but i'd be a little angry too i thinks. AoA loki fits these a little differently, he's less destructive but still goes through a lot of depersonalization and also like? gets personality swapped and (temporarily) drives away his ONLY FRIEND? literally watching a DIFFERENT PERSON ruin your life. in this case it's LITERALLY a DIFFERENT PERSON though so, like, not as depersonalization style.

Slit your throat and die and wake up the next day

MCU and Comics Loki. THAT MAN CANNOT STOP DYING. OR KILLING HIMSELF. AND THEN COMING BACK TO LIFE. BOYYY STOP IT STOP IT BOY STOOOP JUST BE ALIVE BOY PLEAAAASEEE

I wanna scream, I wanna run I'd die at twenty-two to feel alive at twenty-one

any time i see the word "scream" or "yell" I go HE DOES THAT! HE DOES THAT IN AoA AND YOUNG AVENGERS!! his weird manifestation of guilt , his echo of a scream!!! beloved <3 rewired my whole brain. Gah. Anyway. More of that self destructiveness, the subtle desperation, the willingness to let someone who-is-not-you-but-is-you die? the person you will be, the person you might become? hi loki

the last few lines of the first chorus aren't too specific to anything, but they hit the same themes ! so they get a pass. and then the rest of the song is kinda, eh, less Loki and more just, real life LOL. which isn't what i want to put on this playlist!!! but it's a really good song regardless and if I listen to it when I'm not loki playlisting then I appreciate it for how Real it is. Ily penelope scott

SO THERE'S A POST ON THIS WEBSITE ALREADY! ABOUT THIS SONG AND JiM, AND IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL. I CANNOT FIND IT. I'M SORRY I DON'T KNOW HOW TO NAVIGATE THIS SITE OR DO ANYTHING EVER. But I saw it shortly after I'd added this song to my playlist, and I was like !!! AHHHH. THEY SEE THE VISION HAHAHHA. EVERYONE UNDERSTANDSSS. it's SO perfectly JiM and AoA Loki it's almost sickening. THE BIRD! THE KILLING! THE SECRETS! THE FEAR! THE REGRET THE GUILT THE BEATING HEART UNDER THE FLOORBOARDS. AND THE IDENTITY SHIFT. IT'SS SOOOO PEAAAAAKKKK. this song has always kind of been in my peripheral ever since i first saw it in some animatic back in like, fifth grade or something, but it came on when i was shuffling songs on spotify and i suddenly was zapped with The Vision of The Character. The character being loki of course. anyway.

Well I didn't tell anyone, but a bird flew by

WE ARE ONE LINE IN AND I ALREADY HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY. Okay. There's this recurring, persistent problem that Loki has throughout pretty much every instance of him, including MCU loki, comics loki, and it's very much that he's just always surrounded by walls and DEVOUTLY refuses to let anyone get past all of them. Not even just in a self-preservation-instinct way, but he has this inherent belief that people can't be trusted and people won't trust him! And Kid Loki suffers from this a lot more, having the looming threat of his Past over him at all times, meaning anything he does will be seen through the lens of Classic Loki. He can't open up, be honest about his schemes, about what he's up to, what he's planning, what his goals are, since those plans usually hinge on people acting in a specific way, and if he tells someone he needs them to do this, chances are they just won't trust him. And even after he goes through with his plans and gets the outcome he wanted, they still don't trust him!! Kid Loki is stuck in this spiral of, like, always trying to get away from himself, but there are parts of him that make him him that he can't ever get away from, both in good and bad ways, and one of those parts literally ends up killing him. With no outlet, all of his everything directed inward, he's his own worst enemy. Anyway, naturally, with all of that going on, he never really gets to talk to someone trustworthy about his Past and the ominous Classic Loki Presence stalking him. and we all know how that ends??? By the time it's too late, his agency is taken away from him, and since he never told anyone about Classic Loki's presence he'll never get to tell anyone.

I don't think Ikol was exactly a secret, but I'm pretty sure he never tells anyone what Ikol really is? Or at least definitely not to the extent of, "I spoke to my weird evil past self who is sort of kind of still alive a little bit, and I turned him into a bird who I talk to regularly in order to remind me of what not to do, but he's definitely still sentient and autonomous to an extent and may or may not be offering me guidance which i may or may not be following", right? Anyway. A bird flew by. Loki didn't tell anyone. That's... That's the lyric. GOD.

Saw what I'd done, he set up a nest outside And he sang about what I'd become

Okay, note here, I think the second line is implying "what I had become" in reference to some unspecified past regrets, mistakes, guilt, etc, which is consistent with the tell-tale heart theming. BUT, BUT, BUT, in this playlist, we can also totally interpret it as a "what I would become", right?? "He sang about what I had become" and "He sang about what I would become" both fit here so well for Kid Loki, since he's fighting his past and his uncertain future!!! Racing against a version of himself who can dictate his choices-to-come, trying to leave him in the dust? I miss Kid Loki.

He sang so loud, sang so clear I was afraid all the neighbours would hear, So I invited him in, just to reason with him I promised I wouldn't do it again

The sort of like, flippant attitude implied here works sooo well with JiM Loki. In the song it's implied the singer did something irreversible, identity-changing, and all the singer can do is try to keep their secrets and say they won't do it again. I also really like the first line, how oppressive Loki's past is over his kid self; his past is very, very recent, and nearly every single person who knows his name won't let him forget it. It's so!!! Brutal!!! Trying to bargain with yourself, trying to outwit yourself, trying to keep yourself quiet. Or at least the part of yourself who's willing to do all of this bad stuff to all of these good people.

But he sang louder and louder inside the house, And no I couldn't get him out So I trapped him under a cardboard box Stood on it to make him stop I picked up the bird and above the din I said That's the last song you'll ever sing Held him down, broke his neck, Taught him a lesson he wouldn't forget

THIS IS JUST. THE WHOLE VERSE. LIKE. I'M GESTURING AT IT SO WILDLY?!?!?!? IT'S SO JOURNEY INTO MYSTERY!!!?!!? AHGHHHHH. The first two lines, right, Kid Loki eventually loses to his past; Classic Loki, whatever remained of him, had way too much power, enough to completely overwrite Kid Loki. He literally couldn't escape his past!!! AND THEN THE VIOLENCEEE. THE PERMANENCE. The panel of Kid Loki, teary-eyed, bloody-mouthed, holding Ikol's corpse in his hands... IT IS THIS! IT'S THIS VERSE! THAT'S WHAT THIS VERSE IS! IT'S THAT PANEL! GAAAAH. and then the transition from Kid Loki to Agent of Asgard Loki... A lesson he really couldn't forget!!! THE CRIME THAT WILL NOT BE FORGIVEN.

But in my dreams began to creep That old familiar tweet tweet tweet

THE HEARTBEAT UNDER THE FLOORBOARD. I LOOOVE OMINOUS ONOMATOPOEIA. This whole buildup here, it's soooo goooddddd, and also fits sooo welllll with the slow buildup over the course of Agent of Asgard, all of the guilt slowly starting to distort, eventually culminating in the SCREAM! Or, the echo of a scream. THE CRIME!!! But, you know, before that point, the climax, the guilt is just as bad as Past Loki was for Kid Loki. Ever-present, lingering, unforgettable. Defining Loki almost as much as he defined it. The guilt, the crime ... becoming part of him. A haunting!

I opened my mouth to scream and shout, I waved my arms and flapped about But I couldn't scream and I couldn't shout ... ... The song was coming from my mouth

ahhhhhhggggg. you know how it is. GOD. This to me fits a few things, one with the last line being the moment Loki confesses to Thor and Verity that he killed his kid self. In the song it feels like the realization of the singer's that they are the one singing comes suddenly and unexpectedly, and this works soooo well with Loki's confession literally being forced out of him, but with a kind of quiet resignation as well. Sort of like, all that time spent running around, trying to escape his guilt, find some sense of identity, and it just comes tumbling out of him like That!! Suddenly he's not fighting his guilt; he's the one giving it witness. Weaving the story, spilling all the details ... confessing!!! But also, this line can be more about the transition from JiM Loki to AoA Loki. More of that struggle, that fight, only to lose in the end... Both JiM and AoA Loki suffer from the same thing, battling some part of themself and losing to it. At least, to an extent!! JiM Loki dies having lived a genuine life, and AoA Loki manages to weave a new path for himself that isn't just "die forever" or "become evil". I also just... really like the transition from "scream and shout" to "song" ... Like after all of JiM Loki's fluttering around scheming and AoA Loki's doing tasks for Asgard, both of them fighting their inner demons, the moments where their fates are finally decided for them are so definite and poetic !!! Real "there's no coming back from this" moments for both of them. AoA Loki kind of sort of continues to live on after he blows himself up post-confession??? But I think it's pretty left vague and I like to believe this rebirth-number-whatever Loki is also a separate consciousness. Oh how I love my guy who is secretly like six different guys <3. I realize a lot of this post probably doesn't make any sense if you haven't at least read Siege, JiM, and AoA. And honestly no one is reading this far so I won't bother explaining HHAHAHAH. next song!!!

THIS SONG IS LIKE... DEEFINITELY ABOUT TWO SEPARATE PEOPLE? BUT LIKE I JUST SAID, MY GUY IS SECRETLY LIKE SIX DIFFERENT GUYS. SO I CAN MAKE THIS WORK. To be honest, I'm not sure how much I want to keep this on here??? I LOOVE the music video and the vibes of this song, and I think they CAN fit comics Loki , I juuust.... I don't know .... I have to interpret the lyrics/theming pretty abstractly if I want to Loki-ify it. Which I'm not opposed to clearly !!! Just... this one is a littleee bit of a stretch. But, anyway, about the music video especially, I really like the depiction of like, turning on the people close to you and dooming yourself and others in panic. REMIND YOU OF ANYONE??? MAYBE A CERTAIN FROST GIANT PRINCE???? Gahhh. Okay. Bear with me here.

We were playing in the sand And you found a little band You told me you fell in love with it Hadn't gone as I'd planned When you had to bid adieu (Ooh, ooh, ooh) Said you'd never love anew (Ooh, ooh, ooh) I wondered if I could hold it And fall in love with it too

It's kinda hard to point at specific lyrics here so I'm gonna gesture vaguely at this entire chunk of lines for a little bit. I think the "you" and "I" here are VERY abstract, and what perspective Loki is speaking from isn't gonna be consistent even within the same line. What Loki "falls in love" with is his own innocence, the identity Kid Loki manages to cultivate for himself. Gaining some semblance of trust, even if in very, very few people, having some kind of identity, some kind of past that isn't stained with blood. He's honed in on his plan to steal his own reputation from himself. Again, as I mentioned in Small Red Boy, I think it's so!!! Good!!! To describe Loki's meetings with his selves as "finding" his selves. GODD IT'S SO HARD TO TALK ABOUT THE TEN DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF HIM WHILE MAINTAINING COHERENCY. BUT ANYWAY, point is, there's more of that here!!! Kid Loki finds Classic Loki or Ikol in the dot of a question mark; Classic Loki finds Kid Loki, his pet project, the culmination of his ultimate scheme, his proof of concept, in the same place. And even though it all does technically go to plan, Loki clearly never anticipated feeling guilt over what he does to himself. It's an unwanted, unappreciated sensation. It's so foreign to him that it manifests as a whisp in the periphery of his awareness. IT'S THE ECHO OF A SCREAM! And when it really starts to sink in that the Kid version of himself has died and he was the one who did it? He can't help but wonder if he's ever going to find a way to be free of that guilt, or if it'll haunt him no matter if he plays good guy forever out or not.

You told me to buy a pony But all I wanted was you

So when he meets his future self and learns that he not only fails to overcome his obsession with his own past but also that he fails to succeed in changing his known identity entirely... When he's told by his future self that he will never be fulfilled so he may as well give in to the easy route, become the loki "they" want... He can't accept it. Refuses to let his wants, needs, choices be defined by a past he didn't own and a future that hadn't yet come to be!!! All he wanted was to be himself, not a version of himself, his own person, some kind of Loki that wasn't a Loki-that-had-been or a Loki-that-will-be. And okay yeah this is really seriously a huge stretch but.... Anything can be abstract poetry if I try hard enough. So, this song is abstract poetry to me . About Loki . even though it's definitely neither of those things and the song itself is actually very much about a pretty clear theme . but um. death of the authorrr...? i think? i don't know. that's all I have for this one. ONWARD!

THIS PLAYLIST TRULY JUST HAS... EVERYTHING IN IT. mitski, AJJ, The Front Bottoms, Mother Mother, Tally Hall... and SURPRISE! Radiohead too. I'M SORRYYYYY. It's a good song. I've loved it for a VERY long time and never had a Blorbo to make it about soooo.... when I had the chance I TOOK IT okay. AND, REALLY, CAN YOU BLAME ME? THIS SONG IS SELF-DESTRUCTION-SELF-SABOTAGE INCARNATE. you do it to yourself? HELLOOOOOO. This song leans more toward comics Loki for me, but it fits MCU loki just fine as well. My blorbo he has problems in every universe !

Can't get the stink off He's been hanging 'round for days Comes like a comet Suckered you but not your friends

The imagery of this like, unwanted, damaging, stressful presence haunting the singer, butting into their life and targeting them alone? THIS IS IKOL TO ME. Specifically magpie Ikol, and his weird hallucinatory nature. He's not exactly an UNWANTED presence (at least not always) to kid loki, but like?? He's definitely not HELPFUL, and, you know , imminent doom and all that ... Comes like a comet ! Bright and erratic and harmless up until he's not. And by then it's too late. AHHHHHHHHHH

One day he'll get to you And teach you how to be a holy cow

The first line is like.. again ... imminent Doom ... Ikol's long term goals eventually coming to fruition ! Also I like the second line because it reminds me of that one bit in the bible(?) where everyone starts worshipping the false idol golden calf thingy . and I just like the little bit of extra Angst I can squeeze out of associating Kid Loki with any kind of falseness, not in that he himself is a false deity but that his purpose is to be some kind of placeholder without realizing it, just another stepping stone in Loki's ultimate goals...

You do it to yourself, you do And that's what really hurts Is that you do it to yourself, just you You and no one else

IM GESTURING SO WILDLY AND UNCONTROLLABLY AT THESE LINES. you HAVE To see it, right ???? LIKE SERIOUSLY. DO I EVEN NEED TO SAY ANYTHING. LOOK AT THIS!!! HE QUITE LITERALLY CAUSES SO MANY OF HIS OWN PROBLEMS. His GUILT and REGRET and GRIEF over the Loki that HE KILLED ! And, well, I don't even need to make this about JUST comics loki, I think MCU Loki can struggle with this just as much as comics loki does, but maybe not so on the nose to the point of literally killing himself and taking over his own life. But there's still that whole like, well, everyone's always saying it to him, is his crashout really justified when he never (ambiguous) opened up about his grievances with Asgard, Thor, etc ? The sequence of events in Thor 1 where Loki just keeps escalating, doubling down, playing so offensively, if he hadn't done any of that, if he just sat back and let Thor come back to Asgard or something, if he just swallowed down all of his emotions and fear and betrayal, maybe he wouldn't've been fighting with his brother for three straight movies afterward. A lot of maybes there though!!! And it's not even that I agree with the sentiment, but I think we see him sort of agonizing over that all in TDW, right? If he just wasn't, you know, HIM, maybe things'd be all okay, right? If he didn't meddle and didn't scheme and didn't CARE as much as he did... But he does. And can he help it? It's hard to say when you're the one doing it!!! So I think he definitely spares the time to wonder if, you know, maybe he DOES "do it to himself", but definitely not to the extent that he considers this line of thought in the comics. MCU Loki is a pretty different situation so being driven by accumulated anger and resentment isn't gonna spark as many "maybe I'm the problem" feelings as literally having an identity crisis over being your (?) own (?) murderer, y'know? But well anyway if you've read literally anything else from this post you know I love me some loki-being-horrified-at-his-own-actions . Smiles.

(It may be a little fandom-brain-driven but I think I can take MCU loki's interpretation with this verse a little further, going to the extent of like, if only he wasn't mischievous, if only he wasn't a magic user, if only he was more of a traditional warrior, and so on, right? if only he behaved the way people wanted him to, maybe he'd be liked, maybe his father would like him, maybe if he was just BETTER. but he can't help but practice magic, can't help but use illusions, can't help but play pranks and tricks and be The Way He Is and then take everything personally and so on and so on. maybe everything comes down to it all being in his nature, maybe he's always been the second option because he was born to die, maybe he's always been destined to fail from the moment he was conceived as a frost giant. maybe he "does it to himself" not through any particular actions but just in PERSONALITY, in CHARACTER, in NATURE. or maybe I'm just severely ill and I'm amplifying his self-disgust way too much. That boy certainly values his preferences and decisions; just, you know, maybe sometimes he wishes he'd been born with a brain that preferred what everybody else does?)

Don't get my sympathy Hanging out the fifteenth floor

Hello Ending of Thor 1. Hiii. AUhg.

"No, Loki." AUUUGH

You've changed the locks three times He still come reeling through the door

Ok I'm back on my comics loki train . I'm gesturing at this line so much !!! "You've changed the locks three times" lines up with each iteration of Loki post-seige, from Kid Loki to AoA Loki to God of Stories Loki, and yet despite all of this CHANGE you have Old Loki (and in Kid Loki's case, Classic Loki) who still manages to get them all caught up in this insistence to double down, hurt more!! Hurt everyone more, hurt yourself MORE, because there's nothing BUT hurt!!! GAAH. Ghhh.

One day I'll get to you And teach you how to get to purest hell

Very Old Loki to me, very ummm... well, just, you know, trying to be the worst version of yourself because you think that is the "purest" version of yourself, stripped of all silly hopes and dreams and desires... completely hopeless, completely convinced change is impossible and your beautiful golden future will never be within reach... ahhhh. My horrible terrible Fictional Character. I must... I must move on..... no more radiohead. goodbye radiohead.

okay.

god. okay. next song. i............. ok, BEAR WITH ME. BEAR WITH ME!!!

LISTEN. LISTEN. LISTENNNNN. I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I CAN'T STOP PUTTING MITSKI ON THE LOKI PLAYLIST IT'S SO BAD. I GENUINELY DIDN'T WANT TO PUT YET ANOTHER MULTIPLE SONGS FROM ONE ARTIST ON HIS PLAYLIST BUT I JUST... YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND.

This is probably the most explicit I'm gonna get about Loki and Suicide so like um... Maybe ignore this part if you're not feeling that !!! I don't feel it sometimes . I understand. When I think too hard about this song I get nauseous. But anyway, um. Loki and his one million deaths. and all of that. I'm gonna be so very truly real and admit that this is probably the biggest part of Loki that I project on so FORGIVE ME for my woobification or whatever they say when you make a guy stupid and pathetic, LOKI KILLS HIMSELF ALL THE TIME YOU CAN'T EXPECT ME TO EVER FORGET THAT. It takes TWO WORDS! TWO WORDS AND HE god okay you get the point. This song isn't even about MCU Loki it's about AoA Loki HAHHAHAHA I have no idea why I'm bringing up Thor 1 here. Whatever!!! I'm also making this song, which is sort of supposed to be about multiple people, into a song about my one guy who is multiple people, because I love to do that apparently.

All of this turbulence wasn't forecasted Apologies from the intercom And I am relieved that I'd left my room tidy They'll think of me kindly when they come for my things

I actually don't really think Loki resonates with this first verse too much, mostly because it sort of implies the elements of premeditated suicide and I think that through the lifespan of AoA Loki he actually pretty determinedly tries to cling to life? i mean he does have his Momentsss but also he genuinely thinks there's a goal to strive for, he's clearly upset and personally hurt by Old Loki's existence and the thought that he ultimately turns evil in the end anyway. There's a mention on the TV Tropes page that says AoA Loki contemplates suicide but I can't remember where this would've happened other than when he, y'know, actually does kill himself, but even if he does I don't think it dominated a huge portion of his life as he goes around doing Agent stuffs. Point is he didn't have any particular goals to kill himself, since he kind of wanted to do the opposite, make his own new life and identity and all. But but!! Turbulence was there for sure!! All of the... You know... Events... The accumulation of guilt... The rising threat of Old Loki impeding his efforts and progress... Confessing his sins to Thor and Verity and all that. So Much Turbulence. And then, those last two lines, I think they can be played a little more... like... sarcastic? Tongue-in-cheek? Like, well, no, before AoA Loki kills himself he essentially loses all chance of anyone being on his side for the forseeable future (which is a long time when you're part of a race of immortals). Leaving your room tidy, sort of like, tying up your loose ends; when he confesses his guilt he's like, cleaning out his subconscious and all, and when he eventually Implodes himself, he's going out on his own terms. No one's gonna think of him kindly though, LOL.

They'll never know how I'd stared at the dark in that room With no thoughts like a blood-sniffing shark

This line always makes me imagine those like, obsessive, dull feelings of dread you get late at night when you KNOW something is horribly, terribly wrong (whether you're right or not, I Love Mental Illness) but there's not really anything to consciously pinpoint. And I mean, AoA Loki and his little green specter of regret... Haunted not by thoughts but by the full, untethered weight of an entire life on his hands.... Circled by it, spiralling with no outlet... We don't really SEE this much but, like, COME ON, HE WAS SO NOT OKAY LOL.

And while my dreams made music in the night Carefully, I was going to live

"Dreams" "making music" is, to me, again, the spirit of Kid Loki and his constant quips and reminders of what AoA Loki is, what he's done. And AoA Loki was going to live anyway! He was going to live because a boy was there to haunt his dreams instead of take the spotlight in his stolen life!!! In the music itself when Mitski sings the second line, the sentence "I was going to live" weakly decrescendos and it just sounds sooo, like, resigned? Simple? Instead of this proud or hopeful declaration, it's like, oh, okay. And AoA Loki is very... That! To me! He's not... Proud of his stolen life, right? He still wants to be a better person, wants to have this new identity, get his sins erased, he's still SELFISH, he still wants to make use of this life he's been given, no matter how much it may not have really belonged to him, but he isn't... like... celebratory of this life. Like he HAS it, damn it, he's gonna use it, but will it ever not be defined by the actions of his past selves? Will he ever be free of it all? And then the shoe drops, and everyone finds out, and, well, yeah, from there it's like, well, it's all gone crazy, guess it's time to let go and see where time takes you.

You wouldn't leave 'til we loved in the morning You'd learned from movies how love ought to be And you'd say you love me and look in my eyes

I don't really know if I can make this one about Loki, chat... It doesn't call out to me in any specific way, but I still sort of like it because it has that vibe of like, learning how to be human. Learning how to be something. Learning about core elements of life through warped lenses. God of Stories Loki seems to think turning your closest friend into a spirit without asking first is a good expression of love... Did AoA Loki have a chance to learn grief and hope and passion naturally, or was it all baked in to him as some half-completed plan from a past self? I dunno. I dunno. Man.

But I know through mine, you were looking in yours

Could be literally ANY of the Comic Loki Instances. Through Classic to GoS Loki... They are always themself talking to themself. You know? Gah. Matryoshka doll of self immolation and discovery. Being broken down and built up by past, present, and future versions of themself... Oh how i love your weird identity issues Loki. No one does it quite like you do...

And did you know the Liberty Bell is a replica

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Silently housed in its original walls

AHHAHHHHHHH!!! AHGGHHHH!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

And while its dreams played music in the night Quietly, it was told to believe

GGGHH. GAAAH. HGHGHH. The Liberty Bell, making its music, cracking and being discarded, replaced by a mimicry attempting to brandish its injury... oh lord. I'm unwell about this verse. Obviously, AoA Loki is the Liberty Bell, the Replica, some strange sort of contradictory symbol, meant to celebrate the music but not truly the one creating it. Do you see?? Do you understand??? Ahh. Oh my god. I'm so unwell.

I always wanted to die clean and pretty But I'd be too busy on working days

I don't... SUPER feel these lines for AoA Loki. But I do think it works to interpret it as like, he wants to die on his own terms at least, right? He doesn't want to just... Be another part of another Loki's grand schemes. He doesn't want his OWN death to be part of his OWN grand schemes. He wants to die, at least, authentically, on his own terms, as his self, and in his day to day life, there wasn't a reason (or a chance, really) for him to do so. Especially not while everyone thinks he's still Kid Loki, so no one sees him for who he really is, which is... the crime!! I also think this verse really highlights like, the looming presence of apathetic, passive suicidal ideation. Considering it, acknowledging it, never really making plans to do it, having excuses why not to, having reasons why you won't but it's still there, you're still defining parts of life in terms of why you won't... Haunting you, perchance!?!? Auhrhurhguh.

So I am relieved that the turbulence wasn't forecasted I couldn't have changed anyways

GAHHHH. Yet another mention of Change, beautiful change, i love you change. Loki and his Change. Loki and his EVERYTHING! God!!!! I can't believe this guy exists. Well anyway. I think this ties in pretty well with his, like, again, spontaneously exploding, maybe he doesn't have all the answers, maybe he doesn't know all the right things to do, but by God if he can do one thing it's not letting Old Loki win, and if that takes death, something he's already so familiar with but never had a good enough reason to dip his toes in with... Well, there it is, right!!! Maybe ultimately his self immolation is only as freeing as it is, opening up these new paths for these new Lokis outside and within the narrative, because he couldn't have planned for it, predicted it, schemed like he always does in his self-destructive, self-sabatoging ways. Because he's his own worst enemy, y'know, even now, killing himself messes with his future self's plans at least briefly, but at least this time he's not failing a good future, he's failing the future he desperately wants to avoid. The future that wastes what little was left of Kid Loki, his personal desire to Be Good, Do Better, Change.... All of that. Being faced with his future, being told, if you live, this is what you become, a creature that just couldn't change... Then it's a relief, right, to have death finally be the "right answer"?

ummm. I'm so unwell. AHHH. I must move on. To the next song. Which is a complete and total tonal shift, I'm sorry... IT'S THE BEAUTY OF CHARACTER PLAYLISTS, WHAT THE HELL IS A THEME ALL I KNOW IS FEELS AND VIBES!!!

I kind of debated putting this song on here but I have to be so real right now I just ... I just like this song. And it's about siblings. What do you expect me to do!??! NOT put the sibling song on the playlist of a guy whose issues mostly stem from being a sibling!?!?! Of course it's on here.

This song is already kind of... abstract? In its lyrics? Which I like!! It gives me creativity... and the ability to completely misinterpret things so that I can make them about my special little guy. HOORAY! Point is though that this song is mostly on here for the vibes. I feel like this song can be the calm before the storm, the beginnings of that resentment before it really started defining everything in Loki's life. Maybe like, you know, the first few conscious realizations of, huh, everyone prefers THOR. And that means no one prefers YOU. And... Thor is Thor, he's got his little band of friends, he's out there on his own with his hammer and his cape and then there's Loki, with no Mjolnir, no Warriors Three... And he's only just starting to feel the weight of all that, without the childhood itch of brotherhood still softening all the blows. But at the end of the day that's still his older brother, and, screw what the world thinks, right? But also screw what Thor thinks 'cuz he's an ass. But he's your brother...

Go wrong, you go home alone It's not too bad

Like everything I said above, this is the like, bubbles of resentment, bitter rejection, awareness of how much you AREN'T something instead of just being YOU, free-floating. But Loki still has the salve of like, well, it's still the brother he loves, it could be worse. But, y'know, Thor being his brother eventually becomes the thing that makes it all WORSE. Of all people, his own brother contributing so much to his self-worth, and discarding that power carelessly.... UEEH.

Don't follow on I'd deny (Don't follow on)

I think of this song as a mix of MCU and Comics Loki, maybe more MCU Loki for the brother feels but also a healthy amount of JiM Loki because, well, you know... Those two editions of Loki are probably the ones who have the most interesting relationships with Thor, to me? MCU Loki with his EVERYTHING, and JiM Loki with the way he looks up to and genuinely loves Thor for probably the most heartfelt way any Loki has for centuries (or however long, IDK the timeline for comics Asgard, LOL). This lyric to me is like Loki saying, don't look too closely at his feelings, he'll deny it, whether it be his genuine love or his hatred. He's so closed off from Thor, and even JiM Loki keeps his secrets and has his schemes, although it sometimes pains him to have them. AND I JUST... I just........... I hate him. I hate them all. I hate them both. I can't STAND them. ANYWAY.

Handbags too short Arms length They have a discord You want to be like your big sis

THIS ... THIS VERSEEE.... UGHH. It hits so hard every time I hear it... It's just so sweeetttt??? And so.... Bitter? Vaguely? It's so bittersweet, I guess, it feels so, almost condescending, right? But also, it's so genuine. It hurts so much to be called out on your flaws when it's all in an effort to capture the same perfection your favorite person does. Even worse if it's BY your favorite person, which, in the context of the song, I think it kind of is? I think the singer's meant to be said big sis, so... ough. Ouchie. But anyway, yeah, this is JiM Loki AND MCU Loki to me, though the MCU edition is a little blurrier 'cuz like, we don't see him as a child. But it's not hard to imagine their childhood, right?? Like, with the brief scene with Odin, they don't seem to have any major negative feelings harbored over the mention of kingship. And there's that one Marvel Rivals painting that deals psychic damage to me every time I think about it... They were happy once... Ahhhhh. Point is, I think Loki's all about that, like, accumulating grudges, feeling out of place, always knowing, inherently, deeply, that something about you would never be good enough, right enough, would never click, and never knowing why. But not only did he not know why, he had someone who embodied everything he couldn't be, and that person was his own brother. And so as much as he hates him he loves him, right? He admires him, he adores him, he wants his approval, wants to be by Thor's side, respected by him, acknowledged by him. And maybe he is for a while, but as Thor becomes more arrogant, blinded by his yes-men and privilege, Loki loses that down-to-Earth connection and ends up just being the butt of a joke to Thor. Acknowledged sometimes, just enough to feel like maybe Thor does still see him as everything he is, but in the end Thor would never understand how Loki ticks. And alongside losing that bond to age, Loki watches as his Father, who, really, he needed the approval of even more than he needed Thor's, starts to also treat Loki as secondary. So I think this verse is sort of about ... all of that ... before it all gets irreversibly bad. Like, there's a chaos there, in your very nature, something in the way you carry yourself just isn't right. But you have your brother, and maybe in time you'll be just like him, loved like him, he'll love you like you love him... But, y'know. AHGHHH.. Agh. Okay. Next song!!!!

[GESTURES WILDLY] Whatever's wrong with me in my brain is worse than drugs because every time I think too hard about this song and my association of it with Loki my heart rate speeds up and I have to like, try really hard not to start slamming my head into a wall about it. Anyway when I first listened to this song I KNEW , IN MY HEART , IT HAD TO BE ABOUT LOKI SOMEHOW. I HAD TO MAKE IT ABOUT LOKI SOMEHOW. but i could not figure out how to. He doesn’t really have any good romantic interests …. Especially since I’m kind of completely ignoring TVA loki…. and the subject was just so charged with … affection? And i struggled to figure out how to fit him in … AND THEN ON ONE LISTEN IT JUST … HIT ME. At this point I’d already gone insane and somehow made “hidden in the sand” justifiable, so when it occurred to me i could do the same thing here …. I became unstoppable . And Loki got another song on his playlist where the first person and second person become the same person <3. My guy who is secretly like five different guys HE KEEPS WINNING! I spoil him.

There's nothing for me here at home Everything I'll need is with you out here I can't wait any longer ... No one seems to understand How I long to be in the palm of your hand I can't wait any longer

To be honest a lot of these lines are just vibes, but I think this like, theme of longing and desire, so strong to the point of abandoning everything you had beforehand and laying your life down to be molded by whatever it is you're dedicating yourself to... HIIII. That's very Loki to me. His tendency to like, fixate on one overarching idea, the thought that if he just does this thing it'll FIX him, fix EVERYTHING... there isn't really a "you", as in a person, more just... the ideas he idolizes. Being reborn innocent, killing the enemies so he can have his father's approval... If he could just do these things, then it'd all settle.

You've got your bullfighter jacket on, nothing beneath I had to take my mask off to kiss you in the street Summer turn to fall, my head's upon your wall

I'M GESTURING AT THIS LINE SO SO VERY MUCH. Just, okay. Bear with me here. The Bullfighter Jacket imagery, it's sort of like, your tough outer persona, right? And in the song it's sort of about pulling off that persona to show trust, intimacy, dedication to whoever, whatever you're committed to, utterly and wholly. And, like, well. just.

do you understand? Do you understand. Do I have to say anything. THE PERSONA? THE MASK? THE KISS? I'M SIICK. I'M SICK!!! I'M SICK!!!! IT'S SO HIM.

Now nothing seems to stay the same I'm terrified to lose you, but more afraid to change (Oh!)

I LOVE CHANGE. I LOVE WHEN A SONG MENTIONS CHANGE. YES!!! I mean, he really does want to change, right?? Especially AoA Loki here. But it's scary trying to navigate his new identities and grapple with everything in his history, particularly the blood on his hands. There are so few constants in his life, and he doesn't want to lose his goal of finally redeeming himself truly, but how possible is that really? And, with Old Loki entering the equation, you know... How can he do this all the right way, while being comfortable in his own skin? Making choices for himself that aren't dictated by his crime or the one that used him to commit it? It's stressful !! It's scary !!! And, y'know, there was no right answer!! He just... Had to take the leap? augh.

Summer's here You've taken off your clothes Taken my skin To add to your collection

More of the like, clothes being a metaphor for your outer emotional layers, but then there's like, even the skin being taken? The deepest, truest parts of yourself, becoming one piece in a much larger set ... Very Comics Loki to me I think. Each time he dies he strips himself of the pretenses, the plans... He's dead, gone for good!! Except for, y'know, Classic Loki, but AoA Loki isn't really him either, right? So even in his efforts to make this big scheme, Classic Loki gives up his villainous outer layer but also gives up his own possibility for a life. He leaves behind not his own consciousness but a copy of it. Just another skin to add to Loki's growing list of past selves..... UEEEH. UEEEH. I don't even know if this makes much sense, but this song is just so FEELINGSSS!!! I love when songs that have such affectionate lyrics have an almost ominous melody/tone to them?? IT'S SO GOOD, IT INSPIRES ME SO MUCH... It's so Loki!!!

WE MADE IT TO THE LAST SONG ON THE PLAYLIST. if you're reading this then hiii. if you just skipped to the end then um... also hi i guess.. please read the other songs this one is certainly not the Most Loki song on here. Actually I can make it about Thor a little bit if I tried I think? But I don't really Want To, I want to make it about LOKI!!! So it's on the Loki playlist. Anyway I'm so glad to finally be free of this post I've had it sitting in my drafts 3/4ths of the way finished for like, three months now or something idk.

This song is a little confusing I think? I just wanna clarify MY interpretation of the lyrics even if it's inacurrate . Basically with all of the comparisons in the lyrics, I think it's about the idea of like... In life we all have these things that are so important as representations of ideas, right? And they serve as symbols of positive attributes like strength, drive, power... But those symbols may only stand out because of an innocuous trait the symbol has. If that makes sense. YOU'LL UNDERSTAND WHEN I GET TO THE LYRICS. Basically, they're only so important because there's something to MAKE them important, but the things that make them important aren't very notable on their own. Do you see the parallels here...? I hope so ... Anyway let me get to the actual lyrics .

Do you find I always come back with the same old lines? I'm tryin' to be as individual as you, as you

THE "YOU" HERE IS VERY THOR TO ME. It can also be like, Asgardian culture as a whole, or maybe even Odin himself, just... Things that Loki doesn't really mesh into well. Particularly I think this song is very MCU Loki. He stands out so much when it comes to Asgard and the people in it, even in his own family... He doesn't WANT to have an identity defined by his brother, by Asgard, but in a way he's mostly acknowledged BECAUSE of the way he stands out. He's characterized by the fact he doesn't fit in. Which has nothing to do with him, and all to do with the world he's surrounded by, so ultimately nobody is really acknowledging him as an individual, just a weird byproduct of the society they live in.

You have raised The bar so high that I can't reach it I'm now aware of incompleteness That's fine, it's all fine

Shout Out to Odin Allfather, Most Goodest Dad Award Winner of the Past Millenia !!!! Do I even need to explain further. Loki is so Issues. "I could have done it! For you! For all of us!" SHUT UP

If you are the flower, then I am the pavement If you are the water, then I want to taste it If you are a lion, I am the hunger If you are a human, then I am desire

GOD OKAY. This is going to veer off a little into just, my general appreciation for this song, I LOVE IT. But, like, to give Loki that highlight, it's sort of about the way Thor seems to shine brighter against a brother so dark, right? Being "good" is one thing, being "better" is another. Being MORE THAN SOMETHING ELSE accents your worth in a way that just being good on your own can't. So like, a flower in the pavement? It's a symbol of perseverence, of life where life struggles to thrive. But it can only be that because of the pavement, because of the constraint, because a flower in a field just isn't the same symbol of struggle and strength that a flower in pavement is. And water is only as valuable as it is because it is an essential part of life; with no life to be dependent on it, water is as meaningless as every other liquid. Like a King with no subjects, y'know? And Lions as symbols of power and strength and, like, "King of the Jungle" attitudes, right? This line is especially a Thor line to me, with Thor being the lion and Loki being the hunger. The drive. What makes a lion so ferocious and fearsome? The endless need to fill its stomach, to feast, to catch prey to eat... Something to overcome, something to sate, to put down until it rears its head again... Loki??? And then, also that last line, humanity and desire, that's our drive, y'know? Our reasons to do literally anything. Desire is what makes us special because it's desire that makes us get up, do more... Desire for companionship, for knowledge, for fulfillment, for artistry...

But constraints, thirst, hunger, and desire... They're all sort of supposed to be seen as bad things on their own, right? No one wants to be constrained, no one wants to be hungry, and desire is usually seen as an enemy, something tempting, something destructive. So for as valuable as these things are in strengthening the perception of the things around them... They're discarded and disliked when on their own. Which, like, HELLOOOO. Loki. So Loki to me. Maybe not even very accurate to the real world, but maybe that's how he'd try to think of himself. Rejected, despised, insulted... but little do they know he's valuable in his own way. Right?

If you are the music, then I am a craving If you are a surgeon, well, I'll keep you waiting If you are a liar, I saw the cover If you are a family, then I am your lover

I'm not gonna go and explain each of these lines since that's more about the song itself than its Lokiness, but I do like the mention of lies (are liars only notable because of the truth they try to hide?) and also the last line being about family... A lover as in the lover who brings the family together, or the lover that can threaten to bring the family apart? Is Loki the force that will bring the world around him together despite the world's dislike for him, or will he eventually grow so strong he stifles that which he once amplified? Or maybe I'm just... Maybe I'm just..... losing my mind... I'm losing steam. I don't know how to end this post. It's finally over...

Well that's it. That's all of the songs. This is like, what, just barely 20k words? NO ONE is reading all of this. I love anyone who even tried though. Curse of fixation upon ye. I'M not even gonna reread all of this . Peace and love . Loki Forever ... i'm submitting this to The Internet with full knowledge of possibility of being perceived but if you (hypothetical reader) disagree with me on any of these songs don't tell me i'll cry so hard i'll die

[lipssoscarlett]

hey! so i was scrolling through your blog a bit and i noticed you were making more subtle friendship bracelets- do any of your irls know you’re a gaylor? because i know a lot of mainstream swifties can be mean about it and im curious to know how you deal with that, if that makes sense?

a couple of them know (the two who were like supportive when i mentioned that we're not friends anymore for unrelated reasons) I mentioned something about gaylor ofhand once, and my one friend ('L') kinda went off like "dear god gaylors are so annoying. if you're a gaylor you're not allowed in my house".

L has a lot of opinions abt a lot of fandoms though and i don really hold that against them, even if we don't agree on some things. with this person specifically it's kinda exhausting arguing/discussing things like that (fandom stuff) because they double down on their opinions basically regardless of what you say

ex we listened to ttpd when it came out together and someone (me maybe idr) was talking about matty heely, and they went "ni im just chosing to believe that didn't happen because i don't agree with it", like because L thought it wad morally wrong they chose not to belive it happened

which like, obviously say what you will about pr relationships and not paternity testing songs and parasocial relationships, etc etc etc that's like all of swiftie discourse last year, and i think there's an interesting conversation to have there, but the reasoning felt very much to me like missing the whole point of the song(s); namely like 'i am a person who has been put on a pedestal to do no wrong and im cracking under the pressure' and 'being a fan of the work does not give you the right to dictate what i can and can't do and who im allowed to love or talk to'

so basically to answer your question i don't tell them, and specifically L, but i also don't really feel like i need to. my experience as a swiftie irl is dancing with my friends to paper rings and referencing lyrics in instagram dms and sharing earbuds while walking. being a swiftie online for me is where i read theories about the messages behind the lyrics and look into the art she references in folklore and yes like lsk and eye theory and kissgate and hairpins and the fearless tv outfit swap etc etc.

also as far as people being mean about it, i don't really take it personally. it's not helpful for my personal relationship to her art to attach my sense of self to what are at the end of the day theories if that makes sense?

[jundsthoughts]

Hello @wixenforever I have even moar songs haha. It's Not My Time - 3 Doors Down So, to me, this is a 6th year kinda song. When the war is fully on them, and the pressure of Harry dealing with the Horcrux's (finding out he is one cause I have no reason to think with Theo in the picture that they wouldn't be discovered sooner. And, hell, with John there) and all of that. And the "There might be more than you believe (there might be more than you believe) there might be more than you can see" part to me just seems like it'd fit them finding a way to get the Horcrux out without killing Harry or having him be a sacrificial lamb (and probably tons of other stuff that Dumbles misses cause he's too much of a general).

Bruises - Lewis Capaldi It doesn't fully fit, cause Theo doesn't seem to think/react/rely on Magnus' care to this extent, but this feels like Theo to Magnus. Especially after Chapter 13. Like, I can't fully explain it, but that kind of anguished love for someone who was cruel to you, but you love anyway. Kinda Harry to the Dursleys (probably most especially to Petunia at this point) as well. Angel - Theory Of A Deadman Harry singing to Dumbledore about Theo. 100% this, if you change the lyrics slightly. "You [Dumbledore] wanted a soldier, but it wasn't me. Cause you could never set me free. So fly on your own; it's time I let you go." Like, to me, this is Harry becoming fully disillusioned with Dumbledore and just peacing out. He's learning more and more about all the ways he has kept things from him, everything he's manipulated and allowed to happen to 'train' Harry despite him "Wanting Harry to have a normal childhood" (biggest sack of bullshit I've ever read, gods I hate that scene from OotP so much). And the "I'm in love with an angel" parts are Harry being in love with Theo of course, and Dumbledore seeing mirrors to him and Gellert but harry telling him he's full of shit and just seeing ghosts. Cause that's the only way I can see that going when Harry starts being "corrupted to the dark" and whatever other bullshit that man crooks up. Other Worlds Than These - STARSET Another one of people talking to Dumbledore (and maybe Ron in this specific case) about their bigotedness. "The truth you hide is the truth you seek" just screams the Horcrux debacle. Cause, honestly, I can believe that Dumbledore doesn't want to sacrifice children, to pull them into these wars, but he's so blinded by his ego and over-inflated sense of self-importance that he sees it as the only open when it isn't. Breathing Underwater - Hot Milk Firstly, as a side note, what a fuckin band name lmfao. I see this, most honestly, as harry to Ron in 4th year (and over this summer and starting of 5th year for the fic). Like, "Am I an imposter or, just a good liar for no good reason? Think we got a problem now, symptom of a bad fallout, glitter's fading" is 1000% them trying to get this relationship to work again because atm they still need each other as their best friends. The chorus is 100% Harry confronting Ron about everything that he (Harry) has been pushing down to make Ron more comfortable, and how Ron isn't there like he said he'd be, like Harry needs him to be to an extent "I cracked under the pressure and nearly bled out. You said you'd always save me, so where are you now?" Okay, and this second verse? To me, 100% is Ron to Harry in a kind of back and forth way. "Feeling self-conscious now, overthinking but out loud screams in silence. Always overcompensate [...] I open my mouth, but the words don't come out [...] Can't control my self-doubt that I hold, its touch is so cold." Then that second run of the chorus is Harry and Ron yelling at each other about not being there for each other in the way they need at the time (kinda like what happened in chapter 22 tbh). Be My Escape - Reslient K Harry and Theo with the whole something Theo is working on that you mentioned. I rest my case, lol. And a bit of Harry to Theo with more of the Horcrux and "saving people thing" that he has/will have going on, haha. I'm Just a Kid - Simple Plan Harry at the beginning of summer for 5th year. Like, it's a bit too light for it, but the whole "I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare. I'm just a kid, I know that it's not fair. Nobody cares cause I'm alone, and the world is having more fun than me." if you just switch it around a bit for how he's being kept in the dark all summer (before Sirius gets him) even after gestures broadly at the end of 4th year aaaaaaall of that. Like it fits. Anyway, that's enough for one post, I hope you have a wonder timezone

[insomnya777]

time for me to ramble about alley rose by conan gray and my boat boys superhero au :)

you guys asked for this. so. i did it. i'm just cool like that. you're all to blame for this monstrosity. long post incoming!!!!!

okay so. there are so many lines from this song that fit my au, joel and etho specifically (what's happened and what's to come eventually) and i desperately need to talk about it so let's start this off!!

so much to say that's subject-sore, so much you'd change since you were born

this lyric! fits etho and joel both so well. regarding the sore subject part... gosh, i have so much to say. there's so much left unspoken between them, literally at every single point in the series, and they know they need to talk about it, but they don't want to because it'll just ruin both their moods and talking about it makes things so much more serious and official, you know?

the second part — joel grew up in mezalea (which will be talked about later) and he had kind of his whole life planned out for him, and then things went sideways and that whole plan, his whole life really, was ruined; eventually stratos was created. he had so much potential, and it was all just... wasted. etho, on the other hand, grew up in a rougher area of the city he lives in now, and now he's just very far from that lifestyle, just in general. very posh and fancy, even if his apartment isn't, his job sure is (was?)

the way you kissed me, hot and fast i knew it'd be the last

alright so the way i see this lyric is definitely etho's perspective, in the second part of the series. such a long time ago, i know!! but when joel kissed him for the first time, even while it was happening, there was this little part of him that was in disbelief and also completely sure that it would never happen again (so he should better enjoy it while it lasted)

don't leave me hanging alone again

...guys i have so much to say here. this could quite literally be sooo many moments. mostly in etho's pov, i've noticed. he really gets left behind often huh. poor guy.

but, pretty much, this is like when joel leaves him after he kisses him, when joel leaves him in the grocery store after turning his world upside down, when joel leaves him in the park after basically breaking up with him. joel really leaves him alone a lot. wonder what that means for the future. totally not foreshadowing haha.

honourable mention to when etho leaves after apologizing to joel, which then infuriates joel, as you will all see in the next part. but yeah, etho's really sick of being left behind over and over again.

you told me "i'm just so nervous, dear" well, how the hell do you think i feel?

oh this lyric!! also etho pov — this song is so very etho coded. in is it over now? joel is talking about how confused etho makes him all the time when he's all vague and mysterious and stuff, and etho kind of snaps, literally saying the words "how do you think i feel?" so when i heard this lyric in the song my jaw dropped. it was literally made for them. maybe not the nervous part specifically, but definitely the rest.

i waited all year at your feet like maybe you'd love me

alright i'm going to be disclosing some information here that i can't remember whether it has been outwardly said yet or not. but you've probably figured it out or assumed anyways. it's not exactly surprising. so. remember way back when, all the way in diesel is desire, you were playing with fire, joel talks about how etho always lets him go? and never really fights him? goes easy on him, etc? well!! etho had always been amused by joel, ever since the beginning, had always found the way he bickers and teases and flirts and yells very entertaining, to say the least.

this led to him always having a bit of a soft spot for him, being a little biased, even, which was very inconvenient for his job. eventually, that affection turned into a little bit of a crush, which he always refused to acknowledge, then turned into the... mess of feelings he had now. love. maybe not quite love. something else. he doesn't know anymore.

either way, he's nice to joel. too nice. not in the obvious way, not in the way that joel could ever call him out on, but he let him go and did other things that very much could make him lose his position in the agency. which is foolish and idiotic and he somehow never regrets it.

he subconsciously had a little bit of a hope that it would somehow win joel over, just a tiny bit, but, little did he know, it only annoyed joel even more. the idea that someone was going easy on him was enough to effectively make him mad for the rest of the day. so, yeah, you could pretty much say that this line fits them to a T.

and i don't even care if it makes me sound insane

etho, again, surprise surprise. the whole thing about a hero falling in love with a villain, and not just a villain, one of the most wanted villains in the world... all his friends think he's lost his mind. and one of his best friends was also in love with a villain. (not that etho would use the word love. its not- it's not love.)

he can't bring himself to care that they all think he's delusional for falling in love with such a cruel, selfish, arrogant, bad person. because he knows the truth — joel isn't a bad person. he could be cruel (god, he could be cruel) and arrogant, and selfish, and all those other things. but so could etho. so could literally everyone else. they were human. and sure, joel did some... not so good things. but, you know, he could ignore that. most of the time.

besides. joel was funny. and smart. and very, very attractive. and- well, he wasn't nice or kind or sweet, far from it, really, but etho didn't care about that. he kind of liked how mean joel was, actually. which probably meant there was something deeply wrong with etho. but. hey. yolo.

i ran my fingers through your hair and i thanked god to touch the flame

god. this line. banger line. even without relating it to anything. but with relating it to this au.... so much to say here. it's etho again. so etho talking about joel. sooooo etho so so so etho.

first of all, the flame part???? helloooo??? joel literally has fire powers... guys... i can't be the only one freaking out about this........

but back to the rest. honestly, when etho was with joel in his bedroom that day all the way back in the beginning, this lyric is very him. he gets to spend all this time with joel, and he knows he's going to regret it in the future, and that everything that's happening is a bad idea, and that he shouldn't be doing any of this, but when he looks at joel.... all he can feel is lucky that he gets to be there.

cause i swore necks were made for bruising i swore lips were made for lies

finally a joel-coded line! my boy!! gotta say something about the neck part because we all know about joel and necks LMAO.

anyways! this line being in past tense is very interesting to me, even just song-wise. almost like the person is talking about how their thinking has changed since the past, because of some.... event. or someone, even. this is very, very joel, because, as he complains about in the next part, he's gone soft. he used to have this same kind of thinking, this untrusting, suspicious mindset, but things have changed since then. he's got more trust in people. which he hates, for the record.

and i thought if you'd ever leave me that i'd be the reason why

back to etho because gosh i didn't know a line could fit something so well. joel, essentially, "breaks up" (even though they're not together) with etho because of his being a hero. not even for something he does, or some trait of his. if it had been that, if etho had messed up in some way, he would probably have been able to handle things a lot better. but, no, it was about something completely avoidable. something he didn't even really have control over. he's not even the reason joel leaves him.

if it's all experimental and you go back to safer things

joel!!! experimental.... safer things... these word choices are so very deliberate and so very relevant.

experimental — a hero being with a villain isn't exactly a tried and true option. and he's not exactly your regular guy. he's dangerous, reckless, violent, etc. the idea of someone like etho ever even liking him feels so unreal, and not even in, like, a positive way. it just seems impossible. they're so different. the most he can imagine it being is just a little bit of fun, something to keep etho from being bored.

safer things — oh, this makes me want to lose my mind. as i said before, etho being with joel would be anything but safe. not just due to joel's more... explosive (literally) tendencies, but also because the risk of the two of them being found out was very, very real, and would have extremely strong consequences. the idea that etho would choose safer things, like a normal person and a normal life, is very possible and, honestly, very likely, at least in joel's mind.

that's the most lyrics i can relate to my au without it being a bit of a stretch... unfortunately. but i very much recommend you go listen to the song, because even just off the vibes alone, it fits this au sooo well. if you have any other songs that remind you of this au please share im working on a playlist and would love some recs :):):):):))

also! a lot of the parts here are about things to come and things that happened earlier, they don't exactly reflect joel's and etho's thoughts about each other right now, because, well, joel kind of wants to beat etho up at this moment of time. so. yeah. it's either future or past them

anyways. the end. this is a lot longer than i thought it would be but i did have a lot to say, so i'm not very surprised. this also was a lot ramblier (is that a word? like, more ramble-y? it should be a word.) than i expected, but, you know, we ball. at some point i also started writing this as if it were a fic so i don't know what's going on there. this was kind of all over the place. my bad. anyways! hope you enjoyed. this is my first long post here, guys, don't let it flop. begging you.