#i can't even leave twitter because of finances.....

[hychlorions]

there were klapollo incest jokes going around on twitter you guys are sooo unfunny it's unreal

[emilystheories]

Breaking SJM news: a completely new series is (likely) on the way !!

Last night, I came across a veryyyy interesting YouTube video posted by Bloomsbury 4 weeks ago. Although the video was mostly super boring (talking numbers and finances), towards the end, we get this little nugget of information...

[Bloomsbury staff member]: "Regarding the timeline and future Sarah J Maas book releases, which are obviously very important to us... so her next title, which is the third in her Crescent City series, comes out on the 30th of January, 2024. So, that will fall into this financial year."

[Bloomsbury staff member]: "And thereafter, we have SIX further contracted titles -- so continuing this series, and STARTING A NEW SERIES AS WELL."

A new series! This likely goes hand-in-hand with the announcement made by Bloomsbury a couple of months prior, in which they stated that 4 additional SJM books were on the way (but curiously, no further details about these books were given...)

Although we don't know for sure, this is my guess as to what these 6 future SJM books are:

2 x ACOTAR books.

Then the 4 remaining, newly contracted books; the first being the final Crescent City book, House of Many Waters.

Leaving 3 x books for the new series (which makes perfect sense, as when starting a new series, SJM is always contracted for 3 books initially).

The question remains as to what exactly this new series may be. Which leads me to... Twilight of the Gods.

[SJM universe spoilers ahead!]

Back in 2015, SJM started a Pinterest board for 2 new book series that were connected in some way; one was Crescent City, and the other was called Twilight of the Gods. 

On her Twitter, SJM also mentioned that she had been working on both for quite a while, and that it was soon time to release them into the world.

Around the same time, a series called 'Twilight of the Gods' was mysteriously added to SJM's official Goodreads catalogue.

'Twilight of the Gods' is another term for Ragnarok; a famed tale of Norse mythology where the Gods and giants/demons across all worlds joined together to fight a giant battle that signified the end of the world.

Thus, I believe that 'Twilight of the Gods' is SJM's next series; it will be a Ragnarok retelling, and all of the characters from TOG, ACOTAR and CC will join together for a cataclysmic battle against the Asteri, the Daglan, and the Valg (because lets not forget that Orcus and Mantyx are still unaccounted for...).

With this in mind, consider the numerous references to Norse mythology that SJM has already scattered throughout her books:

Feyre as Freya: Freya was perhaps one of the most renowned Norse goddesses, and was Queen.

Nesta, Emerie and Gwyn as the Valkyries: An obvious one, but the Valkyries originated from, and had a huge part to play in Norse Mythology (Ragnarok especially).

Lucien as Loki: According to Norse mythology, Loki is often depicted with long, red hair. He is also seen as a God of fire, and is commonly associated with foxes.

Danika (Fendyr) and Fenrys as Fenrir: Fenrir was a renowned monstrous wolf of Norse mythology. Fenrir being 'unleashed' is one of the key events of Ragnarok.

Hunt as Thor ('Thurr'): During Ragnarok, Thor has a famous battle against the 'Midgard Serpent.' Consider the snake that Hunt is holding on the cover of HOSAB. 

Midgard: is the 'Earth' world in Norse mythology.

Hel (spelt the same way): Is the 'underworld' of Norse mythology.

Further, if you looked at SJM's "Twilight of the Gods" Pinterest board - before it was deleted - you'd see countless images of (Lady?) Thor, the Valkyries, Sailor Moon, and even the coffin that Maeve locked Aelin in... (that can't be a coincidence, right..?!) Some examples below:

'Twilight' is also another word for 'Dusk'; considering the lost Dusk Court, and 'Dusk's Truth' (both of which are the centre of the upcoming crossover and broader multiversal narrative...) it matches up perfectly.

Thus, I believe that the remaining ACOTAR and CC books will continue to add to the multiverse, bit by bit. And whilst they can still be read in a standalone fashion, my guess is that they will build up to a grand finale (perhaps the very last ACOTAR book will end with Aelin walking through a portal...?) and then Twilight of the Gods will begin.

If you thought Kingdom of Ash was epic... then Twilight of the Gods -- if correct -- is bound to blow us away (and, it might even put SJM's name in the history books).

[multifandomslxt]

Nct 127 as fratboys Pt.1

I enjoyed this wayyyyyy too much lmaoo

Taeil

first off

baby he don't wanna be here lmaoooo

He don't even know how he got in a frat in the first place

he majors in one of three things

comp sci

finance

or accounting (Yes finance and accounting are different)

Taeil wouldn't be your typical frat boy

he's definitely turning his assignments in on time

and he is never

and I mean NEVER up for a party

but allows it to happen anyway

however, if its finals season...

He is the one who shuts the party down when the clock touches 12

"Everyone get the fuck out! You have exams in a few hours"

The father of the frat honestly

He's pretty laid back and doesn't bother anyone

Some would think that he doesn't get laid either but c'mon now

he fucks around ALOT!

Don't let him fool you

Has had a threesome multiple times

but don't tell anyone I told you that

He hates the parties but always gets 4-5 BJs at each

and guess what y'all

if you fuck him

NO ONE WILL KNOW!

he won't brag about it and he won't tell a soulllll

If his friends are eyeing someone he's been with b4

and they ask him about her

trust and believe this man won't say a word

he'll shrug and be like "Ion know"

ughhh and he pulls easily too

Usually he beats around the bush

but always makes it clear he doesn't want anything serious

all in all he's a sneaky and quiet fratboy

lol

Johnny

Yeah...

everybody knows about this bitch right here

He is a business major.

Period

do not question the facts

doesn't give too much fucks about his grades though

as long as he gets a degree after this shit

he's good.

He would be known as the irresistible heartbreaker

cuz he WILL pull you in

and then drop you after he fucks.

I'm just being honest here y'all lmaoo

He is THE life of the party

like if a party is happening and he ain't there...

it's gonna be lame asf

He and Jaehyun are notorious for making their coma-inducing

jungle juice

Surprisingly he has a good fashion sense for a frat boy

oh and he definitely comes from a rich family

so yk he's driving his car around blasting

Drake and Tyga

Smokes hella w33d btw

like I'm not even joking

his circle clean as hell though

vibes are always through the roof

He fucks every other day

and everybody knows he does

why?

because he posts about it on social media

yup.

i said it.

He would definitely tag your ass too

so if yk you don't like the inanet knowing

that your- in his words- "pum pum wetter than the ocean"

then leave this man alone

lmaoooo

overall a menace and a jerk- typical fratboy (I'm sorry I wanted him to be sweet too lol)

Taeyong

He's a nerd.

I'm sorry but Taeyong does not belong in a frat 😭 jk k

but

He 100% has his legos displayed in his room

like don't even say it's not true

His idea of a fun time is spending hours building a lego set

He's definitely a communications major

maintains a relatively good gpa

so he's ight.

And a ladies man

Oh yupp

Everyone who has his twitter sees his posts about pussy eating.

And lemme tell you something

Bitches have lined up in front of the frat to get eaten out by this man

ya hear me???

And he brags about it on the dl

would be notorious for attending 2-3 parties for the semester tho

why?

his legos.

he NEVER has a shirt on

I swearrrrrr

he also smokes w33d with Johnny sometimes

but doesn't do it often bcz it tends to fuck him up a bit too much

can't roll one to save his life lmao

in terms of fucking he only does it when he's stressed

Did a threesome with Taeil once

He's the type to stare you down from some creepy ass dark corner at a party if he finds you hot.

He's definitely not the type to just tell anyone that he ate you out or fucked you randomly

but if one of his friends were to ask him

he's telling it all and giving you a rating outta 10.

for your sake

you betta hope he don't give you anything below 6.

[alarrytale]

I became a fan of Nick through rwrb and I'm pretty reasonable, I understand that he has new projects out and he doesn't want to be tied to one thing. But does he really have to shit on rwrb in interviews and act like it's beneath his other projects? That is what pisses me off. It's so disappointing that he hasn't posted about rwrb being nominated at the GLAAD awards, it's been weeks. Everyone has posted about it but him and when you bring this up on twitter you'll get told "he's moved on from rwrb but the other cast is still stuck in the past, they're unemployed" etc. Seriously, he can't make one post about it when he's posting about all his interviews and photoshoots or liking pics of the Bottoms girls. He talks about Bottoms non stop and he was in it 5 minutes. He promoted it even more than rwrb. All he goes on about in interviews is now working with oscar winners, Anne and Julianne. I hope he doesn't get a big head from this because he sure brings up the Oscars alot.

Hi, anon!

I think he's very, very ambitious. It's been made very clear to me these last couple of months just how badly he wants to make it big. He's behaving and acting exactly how he needs to, to gain and keep his audience.

I also think he's done several projects back to back and he can't keep up with everything. He's had three projects out after rwrb, and he's currently busy doing promo for two of them. It's not even been a year since rwrb came out. He's currently working on a new project as well, while releasing a new photoshoot and interview every other week. He even got singles out. I do not know how he finds the time. So i don't blame him for leaving some of the rwrb promo and mentions up to tzp and the rest of that crew. Glaad was also a sponsor or something, or helped finance rwrb, so the award nomination is expected. It's not that big of a deal, even if nick is probably honored that rwrb is nominated. I also don't think he's talking rwrb down, but he's had to move on and spend his energy elsewhere. He's getting asked about rwrb while promoting other things and that's not his focus at all right now. However, i don't doubt he'd be up for a sequel when that time comes.

He's sounded a bit cocky and self-assured as of late and he's getting very big very fast. You see no signs of that depressed and anxiety ridden boy anymore. He's full of confidence. He's doing talk shows and really trying to ride this wave of attention and get his name out there. He's trying every trick in the book to build himself a fanbase (tease a gf, post thirst traps and show he's a tripple threat). He wants to work with famous directors and act along legends. He wants that Oscar. I want him to succeed, but sometimes i want to knock him down a peg or two...

[greyias]

Would you be willing to explain the h1b goblin mode hostages to people? Your summaries have been very clear and easy to understand and with the trump poll has completely over shadowing everything the h1b workers have already been buried. A round up laying out exactly what this is and why it’s appalling could help keep it going.

I do understand if you feel too burnt out and are just done tho. But goddamn, any time we start to think someone can’t get any lower they shove a bunch of hostages in and tell them to start digging

Sorry, I'm really not the best person to explain it, mostly because my understanding of the US immigration system is minimal at best. (Mostly limited to the experiences of my brother's ex-wife, and a few coworkers, as my company has a few employees its sponsored over the years. I am also not a lawyer by any stretch of the imagination, I'm just a video editor that sometimes has too much time on her hands in between projects). And I basically cut off my nose to spite my face, so I can't really do any proper round-ups past this morning (and I'm kind of burned out on that too tbh.)

So, please take all of this with a grain of salt.

In the legal sense of the law, they're not hostages. Technically, and I do need to stress this is in a technical sense, they can "choose" to leave their employer at any time. But it's a choice with a lot of baggage, and depending on their circumstances/finances/country of origin, the choice to leave might be very fraught.

The unfortunate side effect of that is people with this kind of visa are basically sponsored by their employer. From my understanding (which may be wrong), if they are fired or choose to leave, their ability to stay in the country is in jeopardy unless they find another employer willing to sponsor them. Which is likely why most of those remaining didn't take the three months severance that was on the table earlier this week. They live here, and its possible they have family members whose visas are tied to theirs.

I don't know the specifics of any of the individuals remaining at Twitter, but I can imagine there is likely at least one case of someone who has been working there for years. It's even possible they're working their way to getting a permanent residency visa so they have the freedom to change jobs in the future. Most people on this type of visa are highly skilled, which is why employers usually will pay the extra $ for all of the bureaucratic back end. The American immigration system is a nightmare to navigate, even for countries that have easier barriers of entry, lbr white countries, ie: Canada (which is where my brother's ex-wife immigrated from.)

Most of these workers have built a life over here, and at Twitter specifically, within less than thirty days their ability to not be deported out of the home they've made for themselves, has suddenly been upended by one petulant rich boy. A company that was staffed at over 8500 in October is down to a number that we don't actually know, but could be in the hundreds (or less). Those remaining are now probably being tasked with the impossible, maintaining a codebase, servers, and equipment they have zero operational knowledge of. And the moment something inevitably goes catastrophically wrong, it's likely someone who has had to take on extra duties/responsibilities will be fired as a scapegoat.

NOW. We don't know how many of the remaining workers at Twitter are here on visa, but the speculation that I've seen is it's a large percentage.

The outrage started building from this:

Please note, the ParikPatelCFA account is likely a "parody" account from what I've been able to determine.

So, with the idea that there is a lot of assumptions built into all of this, if any of the remaining workers at Twitter HQ are there under a H1B visa, who have not found another employer to sponsor them and help them stay in the country (which will also be at risk if the company goes belly up as Elno seems hellbent on running it into the ground out of petty spite), some people in this position might feel that they have no option other than to cater to the demands of a petty manbaby.

And when you look at the timeline of just this past week, it becomes absolutely insane and infuriating. On Tuesday they were given 24 hours to sign a fucking Google Doc to try and change the terms of their employment (which while is probably highly illegal, you have to have to jump through legal hoops to deal with that), locked everyone out of the building on Wednesday night and told them not to come back until Monday, then within the span of 12-15 hours said "JUST KIDDING GET YOUR ASS BACK IN HERE. FLY IF YOU HAVE TO", demanded in person meetings with HellBoss, and then, because these people had signed over to being "extremely hardcore" basically weren't allowed to leave until said HellBoss decided they were all done with "coding"* 1:30am.

If they decided not to cave to his whims and like, be with their loved ones or something stupid like that, he might decide to fire that individual. Maybe over Twitter, as he is wont to do. And according to the OH SO LEGAL (right) Google Doc, they signed away their right to the 90 day severance that everyone else got.

* - if you can consider scribbling your entire website's fucking architecture on a white board as coding. Also of note, so many critical staff are gone, it's possible there's no one actually ensuring security there anymore. I would say he's begging for a black hat hacker to take the whole place down, but who fucking knows anymore

So in summary of a very bad explanation: if any of the remaining employees at Twitter are there on a H1B visa, they technically have the right to leave employment at any time. However, they might possibly be risking deportation and feel compelled to work long, borderline illegal hours, be asked to take on job duties they haven't been trained or prepared for, and in general be treated like absolute shit and at any moment have to dance to the tune of Rejected Bond Villain.

You will see a lot of Elno fanbois screaming about technicalities. Technically, it's not indentured servitude. Technically, they're not being held hostage. But the reality of the situation is that for any remaining employees at Twitter with an H1B Visa is much grimmer. Like any grifter, he targeted the most vulnerable people, rushed them into making a supposedly legally binding decision on their entire future in less time than it takes most people to update their resumes. And many of them likely feel trapped and have nowhere to turn.

And it's fucking despicable.

And this is literally what he's doing to people he's paying. It's not even touching the irreparable harm being inflicted on the disabled communities, black communities, and every other marginalized voice that relied on Twitter to speak their word to power. That's an entire other discussion that I'm even less qualified to speak on than I am on this particular subject (and there are plenty of people talking about it).

And apologies, but I am going to disable reblogs on this, because I really am not qualified to talk about this, and I don't want someone taking my word as gospel because I probably got a lot wrong in the above. Also in all honesty I'm not sure I can take another post taking off to the stratosphere, I can hardly see my notifications as it is.

[unfilteredglassglobe]

Happy Birthday to Me (16th March)

Today marks another year added to my existence, yet birthdays always seem to cast a shadow of despair over me. It's as if I unknowingly attract misfortune to coincide with the anniversary of my birth, each year bringing its own tale of woe.

In 2016, the celebration turned sour when my boyfriend, Fred, betrayed me with a friend. The pain of betrayal stung even more because our intimacy had yet to be shared, leaving me with a bitter taste of frustration. Venting my anguish on Twitter only added fuel to the fire, inviting a flood of hate and threats from strangers who targeted me for being gay.

The following year, James, another flame, promised a birthday date that never came to fruition. Left waiting at the café for hours, I eventually drowned my sorrows in cake and alcohol, abandoned and alone.

2018 saw me stranded on the roadside after a movie outing with a friend, my car's tires giving out unexpectedly. As a broke student surviving on loans, the cost of a tow truck weighed heavily on my already strained finances, and I suffered in silence, knowing my parents cared more for the car than my well-being.

The years that followed brought their own brand of misery—a fight with Greg in 2019, a fog of drugs in 2021, and the isolating grip of COVID-19 in 2020. Each birthday felt like a curse, a reminder of the dark cloud that seemed to follow me wherever I went.

But perhaps the cruelest blow came in 2023, when I lost my closest friend, Leo, to a rift that neither of us tried to mend. His absence left a void in my heart, aching with the pain of loss and regret. I had never felt so alone, so adrift in a sea of my own making.

As I turned 27, Greg's question cut through the silence of the car, forcing me to confront the reality of my existence. Birthdays held no joy for me, only a bitter reminder of my own insignificance. I craved validation, attention, but feared the vulnerability that came with it.

So I played the role of the grateful recipient, masking my loneliness with forced smiles and staged surprises. But behind the façade, I grappled with feelings of worthlessness, wondering if I was truly deserving of love and celebration.

Tonight, as I swallow a sleeping pill to escape the weight of another year, I can't help but feel the crushing weight of my own inadequacy. Happy 27th birthday to me—another year older, yet no closer to finding the validation I so desperately seek.

[astramachina]

HQA: I walked into a bookstore the other day only to be immediately confronted by a table full of your mans face - a very startling experience, to be unexpectedly stared at by a dozen Mr. Hiddlesons at once. (They've done that thing where they re-release The Essex Serpent book with a cover photo of the TV adaptation). If you could adapt a book into a short TV series and have Mr. Hiddleston play the lead (or any character, really), which book would it be and who would he play?

I've been seeing a lot of pics of this over on twitter. I haven't walked into an actual bookstore in so long, mostly because I cannot be trusted with my finances if I were to be set loose, hence why the local library is my new best friend.

Assuming I can't cheat by saying "any of my own", I think I'd go with House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski. It's easily one of my top 5 favorite books of all time, and I think Tom would play a pretty bomb Will Navidson. It's one of those novels that, while marketed as horror, is more a love story once you get to the nitty gritty of it. There's also too much content for it to be shoved into a movie, so a TV series would actually benefit it imo.

But yeah. Tom as a photojournalist who's seen some shit only for the very house he lives in to be even scarier by 1) being bigger on the inside and 2) devouring his children? Let's go. He's got the range.

[lesbian-through-life]

Coming Out in Uncertain Circumstances, my opinion.

I see alot of Twitter posts saying people came out to their parents and they got kicked out and need money ASAP.... people need to fucking stop coming out.

I say this as having been kicked out myself at 19. I didn't even come out, my mom snooped and kicked me out so I very much empathize but guys....

Look at the chart below, very simple hierarchy of needs. You don't put in jeopardy your food and shelter for anything. Secure your worst case scenario before you risk it with something like a college degree, job, or a new safe place to live.

Homeless youth are unproportionally LGBT. It's even worse for POC. If you need this kind of independence its because you're stepping into adult situations, as an adult you'll see that your physical safety comes first, that's food, shelter, and safety from physical harm.

Now, this doesn't mean that you should stay in a shitty situation forever or even long term but it does mean you need to step up taking care of yourself by gathering what you need to be self sufficient. Is it an undue burden? Absolutely.... but knowing things are unfair will not change your situation, take care of yourself. Who you like kissing is 100% irrelevant if you can't eat. Having the world know who you like kissing is not worth giving up your parents financing a college education or major things like that. I KNOW it sucks, its fucking unfair, but even being celibate for 4 years in college is better starting out 60k in debt OR worse, homeless.

So thats what I'm trying to say....Only come out if its safe to do so. The media focuses alot on coming out and somehow the story ends when the person accepts themselves or leaves the haters behind. THAT is not how thr story ends, it ends when you're safely in a new long term situation where you are free to make choices like cutting people out of your life or giving them a chance to be better for you. Look out for yourself 🤎🖤❤🧡💛💚💙💜

[conjurebelle]

Imagine your boss calls you into his/her office after your shift to tell you this great idea they came up with. You come in, sit down and the meeting starts. Your boss then starts to tell you that he feels you don't deserve to be paid. All the physical and mental prowess you've displayed, all the finances spent on uniforms and supplies, all your years of training are worth nothing simply because he thinks so. Crazy right? 1 or 2 things might happen: you quit and leave or you give your boss the worst 'what the fuck is wrong with you' face you can muster.

Well I and other conjurers hear this this EVERYDAY from complete strangers. Grown adults telling me that the use of my gifts of mediumship, divination and energy manipulation aren't things I should sell. The reasons get more entitled and asinine by the moment.

According to said people I shouldn't be compensated for taking time away from myself and family to honor scheduled reading appointments that tend to last 30 minutes to an hour.

Also according to said people, I shouldn't be compensated for spellwork even if I have to go out and purchase fresh flowers, fruits, and even animal parts for conjuring. That is an opinion that is baseless and just flat out ridiculous.

Now granted there are some in the Conjuring community that make it harder for the honest ones who really value what they do and don't care a lot about the money. When I come across people seeking help only to get scammed or to have to consider paying extremely expensive pricing it does make me want to continue to be an affordable conjurer. But even with that I get the haggling. It always throws me for a loop when someone wants me to drop the pricing on something I’ve already dropped pricing on! Imagine you selling a mouth-watering plate of food at half off ($10) and some cheap ass person asks to pay $5?! This is something that alot of us deal with daily and it's not fair.

So the next time you find yourself getting ready to get those twitter fingers ready to go, just be mindful of everything your boss can’t get done without paying you! You simply cannot go to someone who can do what you can't and expect to throw pennies at them. That isn't how anything works in this world

[nanasrecovery]

September 13, 2020

Well things have definitely changed a bit since my last journal entry, so this is gonna be a long one. I spent a week back home with my family, and the first day back was, as expected, my most anxiety filled day due to a full to-do list and just adjusting to another environment. I had errands to run for the little celebration I wanted to have for Alisa, Jungkook, and Bronson's birthday, and had some bottle drop offs to take care of as well. I didn't really have time to myself, except when I was in the car, which isn't exactly my most anxiety-free space to begin with (which wasn't always the case surprisingly). I enjoyed being around everyone and even making our own pizzas from scratch, but when it came time to eating, my social anxiety & ED took over (mostly ED). I let him convince me that I shouldn't eat even though I was starving. I knew exactly what was happening, but still, I couldn't get myself to eat. So I tried my best to enjoy the night, regardless of feeling uncomfortably hungry.

The next morning, the negativity continued. First thing I'm greeted by when I come downstairs was a multitude of questions from my mom like "why didn't you eat last night? Why didn't you go to your room and eat? How come you're not telling me how you're doing?" And I know she's coming from a good place as a mother, but this is the kind of thing I wanted to get away from when I moved to Henrico. My eating disorder and anxiety is something my mom will never fully understand, or maybe even try to understand. I've had several conversations with her before on ways she can help me, and I mean really help me, not the ways she thinks she's helping me. For example,

Really listening to me when I talk about my struggles

Not using her own struggle with anxiety as the cure for mine

Trust me that I'm making strides towards recovery at MY pace

But of course, sometimes I feel like she only hears what she wants to hear. What frustrated me the most was she said, "you know how I deal with my anxiety? I eat". And I said "well if you would really listen to me, you would know that I can't do that. If I could, we wouldn't be having this problem right now." And that immediately just made me irritable towards my mom for the rest of my time home, unfortunately. Regardless of that exchange, I was able to eat breakfast and finished my entire pizza from the night before for lunch.

I already had a feeling that being home was gonna help my anxiety a lot, and regardless of the negativity from my mom, it really was. I'm so thankful for Jaron and that he's so understanding and helpful when it comes to my anxiety. He said he would get a ride back up to Henrico just so I could stay home longer, and I'm honestly so glad I did. I've realized how much being home is healing for me, atleast during these current times. When things were going well for me in the beginning of the year, I loved being in Henrico, but after covid hit and things completely changed, I wanted to be back home even though I never wanted to admit it. But I can't dismiss the fact that home is where all of my favorite people are, and some of the anxieties I feel up in Henrico just don't exist when I'm back home.

The moment that made me really miss being home was my absolute favorite part of my week, and something I want to do more often. I had an impromptu picnic with Alisa, Jessa, and Bronson at Chesapeake City Park and it was literally the most relaxed I have felt in so long. Not having technology in my face the whole time, soaking in the sun and breathing fresh air in an open field just felt so nice, and I was able to eat half a sandwich and some pretzels in front of them, which is the most people I've eaten anything in front of in a long time. From that point on, I really wanted to try and make positive steps towards recovery.

I had asked on Twitter and Instagram if people had used CBD products before and what their thoughts were, and I received nothing but positive responses. Ate Jackie had some CBD products she had that she wasn't using so I picked them up and tried them out (yay for not having to pay). The gummies actually taste so good that I would totally eat a bunch at once if they weren't CBD haha. But at first I couldn't really tell if it did anything, but after use over the next couple days I felt the effects, and I'd say it did help mellow me out! I eventually needed a stronger dose and told John about it, so he went to a CBD store and bought gummies for me and some oil for himself (thankful for you, John). The new gummies definitely hit me harder, sometimes I feel like I'm high cause I'm so mellowed out hahaha. Either way, I'm glad that I've found a natural aid for my anxiety since the medication route hasn't been the best choice for me since ED.

Over the next few days I really tried to spend time with people while still giving myself time to rest. For one, I got into Stray Kids, which getting into a new group is a Serotonin boost in itself haha, especially when my biases look like this

How can I not feel happy when I look at them?????

But throughout the rest of the week I also soaked up my time with Deedee, Megan, and even Marc cause they always put me in a great mood. Definitely one of my favorite parts of being home.

Regardless of being stressed due to watching my nephews and dodging my mom's questions or overbearing tendencies, I was able to eat the most that I have in a while, which was really nice, but also brought on anxiety simply because my body isn't used to it. I am still super happy and excited about it nonetheless.

Friday night I had therapy, and after spilling out basically everything I had written about up until this point of the post, she really helped me organize my thoughts and worries, and I just always feel better after therapy sessions with her. She reminded me that sometimes it feels like we're fighting against our family, but we're on the same team fighting against ED, and showed me resources that I could give my mom to help her understand my situation more. She also helped me ease some worries about Jaron and I's current situation of planning on moving back home due to struggling finances since covid (which I'll probably go into detail another day).

My week back home ended with a visit to my Auntie. She texted me earlier that morning that if I had free time to stop by because she had something for me. I had no idea what to expect, but when I got there, I must say it was nice seeing family. She gave me a devotional journal, prayer card, and small vials of Rose oil, sat me down and basically said "the reason why I reached out was because I dreamt about you the other day and I rarely dream about family. And the dream was so dark and gloomy that I wondered why and felt like I should reach out". She told me about her struggles in life and how she trusted God and continues to learn and trust in Him. I told her how, even though the past year has been so difficult, it really brought me closer to God. Prior to going to their house, I was feeling really sad and anxious, but after leaving I felt so much better.

I made my way back up to Henrico, and man I missed Jaron a lot. Spending the past couple days with him has been really nice, and I've eaten generally well while being up here. Unfortunately it's hard for me to be by myself in the apartment all week and not feel super anxious, so I told him I wanted to stay back home for a bit, and of course, he understood. So I packed up some things and I'll be heading back down tomorrow morning.

This past week helped me see things in a new light, and how things will never go as planned, but everything definitely happens for a reason. My struggles are preparing me for the blessings to come and I'm going to be 100000x stronger mentally, physically, and spiritually after all of this is overcome.

Here's to more steps forward, no matter how small.

[treadmilltreats]

10 tips for changing your life

So this week I've talked about narcissism, I've talked about my freedom from my divorce 7 years ago and then yesterday I wrote about holding on and don't giving up when you're at the end of your rope.

So today I want to give you tips on how to change your life if you are in a horrible situation. These tips helped me when I was miserable and helped me turn my life around. But like anything in life, the change has to start with you.

In AA they teach us that to overcome an addiction you first must admit you have a problem. This is also true in any aspect of your life, you must admit you have a problem, you've allowed that person to treat you like this, you allowed them to take away your self esteem, you allowed this to go on for so long. Now please don't think that I'm pointing fingers or giving all the  blame to you, I'm not. I know how this happens but I'm just stating the facts, which is you're in this situation because you allowed it to happen just like I did.

I raised my hand that I allowed it and you must too. You must take responsibility for your actions in order to change. So now that you admitted that this is a problem in your life, now you can take the steps to change it.

It has to come to a point when you're done, when enough is enough, when you just can't take it one minute longer, so now that you're there I'm going to tell you these steps to start to change your life.

 

1.The first step Is to keep a  gratitude journal.

 

Everyday write down something that you're grateful for, start small if you have to but do it every day. You'll be amazed by how much this works.

2. You have to grow tough skin.

I know that at this point you're used to it, you used to be called names, being put down but as you change so will the abuse. It will get rough so learn how to deal with it, learn to meditate, start yoga and go inside to your happy place when they are coming down on you. Mine was my house. I kept imagining it, peaceful, calm and filled with joy.

To keep your attitude right, put up post notes on your mirror, in your car, on your phone. Keep telling yourself that you're beautiful, you're strong, you can do this, anything that's going to inspire you. Anything that will put you in a different mindset and make you feel stronger.

3. Listen to music that will inspire you.

 Whether it be the theme from Rocky, Christina Aguilera, Mary J. Blige, Gloria Gaynor's, I will survive. Anything that will inspire you to feel stronger, listen to it over and over until it gives you that courage.

4. Start educating yourself.

Start reading books, start listening to Podcasts or YouTube videos, anything that is motivational or inspiring. You need to put that in your head every single day. Listen to other people's stories of survival, it's amazing what you'll get out of what other people have been through and survived.

6. Take classes.

 

I know that during the pandemic  we can't go out but there's always groups on Facebook or Zoom, to take a class. It could be a motivational class, a finance class, how to manage money, any class to get your self esteem back. You must invest in yourself.

7. Be around like minded people.

These are people who want to change, who are willing to put in the effort to change. It's amazing how much you can lift each other up. You'll start thinking if they can do it, so can I.

8. Reconnect with your family and friends.

They probably pulled you away from them in the past, but right now you need that support system because trust and believe when you leave you won't have anybody that you thought were "our" friends, you will be all alone.

9. Have a plan in place.

Start planning your exit route, put money away every week from the groceries. Start to buy things you know you need in advance and give it to a friend to hold. Start saying you lost your jewelry and pawn it, I'm serious here, every cent you get, put it away. Start looking for places to live and how much they are, get your resume in order if you haven't worked in a while, see what jobs are out there. If he's watching your every move, go to a friend's or a library with a computer to do this. Get together your important papers and bring them to a friend's or family's house. But get your exit plan started 

10. Know that this won't be easy.

I'm sorry, most of you know I'm not Willy Wonker, I don't sugar coat shit. I want you to know in advance that at first this will be the hardest thing you've ever done but it will be so worth it. 

You need to know that sometimes it will feel like you're  taking 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. You will question everything that you're dealing  and maybe even think you can't  do this and you want to go back. (I never once thought that but everyone is different)

It will be hard but don't give up. keep your eye on the prize. Which is living a peaceful life with no one telling you what to do, how to do it, no one putting you down every single minute of every single day and that is priceless.

So today my friends these are my 10 tips for changing your life for the better. 

Trust me you will get there, you will become the person that you always was and always knew that you could be. You too, will be living an incredible life, free from drama, abuse and heartache but in order to get there, you must do these 10 steps first.

"Be the change you want to see"

 

"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

**Now released my latest book**

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[bountyofbeads]

The only way REPUBLICANS can WIN is by CHEATING, CORRUPTION or SMEARING other people. They CAN'T DEBATE or BATTLE IDEAS because they have none. This campaign against Elizabeth Warren will fail miserably. BEWARE OF the group #AmericaRising and #DefinersPublicAffairs

HEDGE FUND-BACKED GOP GROUP IS DIGGING UP DIRT ON ELIZABETH WARREN, DOCUMENTS SHOW

Lee Fang | Published November 12 2019, 6:00 AM ET | Intercept | Posted November 12, 2019 |

IN OCTOBER, documents surfaced that appeared to contradict a key story told by Sen. Elizabeth Warren on the campaign trail. In her telling, Warren’s “dream job” as a public school teacher ended in 1971 when the school principal noticed she was “visibly pregnant,” a form of employment discrimination that was legal and common during that era. On October 7, a conservative website presented  archived documents that appeared to challenge that narrative, including the minutes of a meeting in which the school board had voted to extend Warren’s tenure and another in which the board notes that Warren herself resigned from the job.

The story spread like wildfire, moving from conservative publications to major newspapers. Even Kellyanne Conway, a counselor to President Donald Trump, weighed in on the controversy to suggest that the Democratic candidate had lied about her life story. More records seeming to challenge Warren’s narrative emerged, including a 2007 interview in Berkeley, California, in which Warren appeared to say that she left teaching on her own accord to raise her child and seek additional education credentials, as well as a contemporaneous newspaper story about Warren leaving the school “to raise a family.”

Warren has stood by her story that she was “shown the door” because of her pregnancy. “When I was 22 and finishing my first year of teaching, I had an experience millions of women will recognize. By June I was visibly pregnant — and the principal told me the job I’d already been promised for the next year would go to someone else,” Warren said on Twitter last month.

But how did these documents surface in the first place? According to the results of an open records request, an opposition research group known as America Rising had requested documents from the Riverdale Board of Education in New Jersey just weeks before the news appeared. It asked for “Warren’s employment records,” as well copies of other records requested from the school board from the previous two years.

In response to the request, a school official provided America Rising with the school board minutes that became the basis for the story that erupted the following month, along with emails from a Wall Street Journal reporter, who had requested similar records in April.

America Rising — which is affiliated  with a political action committee, a public relations firm, and a for-profit research company, as well as several news websites — has been backed over the years by Republican donors, including hedge-fund billionaires Paul Singer and Ken Griffin, private equity investor John Childs, and banker Andrew Beal.

America Rising did not respond to a request for comment. The organization did not claim direct responsibility for the Warren story, but touted the documents as soon as they appeared online via an allied conservative website called the Washington Free Beacon.  Free Beacon is also funded by Singer.

America Rising is known for attempting to dig up dirt on politicians, journalists, and activists on behalf of donors’ interests. The group went after  journalist Jane Mayer, shopping negative information about the New Yorker writer following the publication of her book “Dark Money.” In 2016, America Rising focused on environmentalist Bill McKibben,  dispatching its team to obtain thousands of documents from McKibben’s past and to follow the Vermont-based writer, filming him at public events, as well as while grocery shopping and sitting in a church pew. This year, Definers Public Affairs, an affiliate of America Rising that shares the same staff, decided to rebrand  following revelations that the company had been retained by Facebook to orchestrate a campaign to smear its critics.

The current America Rising research effort on Warren appears to be part of a broader dive into the Democratic field, which is being coordinated with America First Policies, the nonprofit arm of Trump’s Super PAC. The effort involves research on Bernie Sanders, Kamala Harris, Michael Bloomberg, Joe Biden, Cory Booker, and other Democratic candidates.

Election narratives are often crafted in part by research efforts financed by partisan interest groups. The board documents surfaced by America Rising don’t necessarily undermine Warren’s version of the events, but they did add to speculation that she embellished her history by opening up a line of questioning that doesn’t have a clear answer.

Politifact, after reviewing evidence of the controversy, did not reach a conclusion one way or another regarding Warren’s claims and her critic’s efforts to unravel them. The principal of the elementary school at the center of the story, Edward Pruzinsky, is deceased.

Still, Warren has argued against some of the claims. The minutes from the April 21, 1971, meeting show that the board unanimously approved a motion to extend Warren’s employment contract as a speech pathologist for the next school year. Another set of board minutes, from June 16, 1971, show Warren’s resignation “accepted with regret.” It is unlikely, as many have pointed out, that Warren showed visible signs of her pregnancy in April of that year. She gave birth to her daughter Amelia in September 1971. Further, if Warren was let go for showing signs of her pregnancy by the summer of that year, it also seems unlikely that the board would highlight that justification in its official set of minutes.

Trudy Randall, a retired teacher who worked at Riverdale Elementary School for three decades, backed up Warren’s account in an interview with CBS News. “The rule was at five months, you had to leave when you were pregnant. Now, if you didn’t tell anybody you were pregnant, and they didn’t know, you could fudge it and try to stay on a little bit longer,” said Randall. “But they kind of wanted you out if you were pregnant.”

That didn’t stop an array of outlets from declaring that Warren had told a lie. “Report disputes Elizabeth Warren’s claim she was let go from teaching job over pregnancy,” claimed the New York Post. The Daily Signal reported, “Records contradict Warren’s claim she was fired for being ‘visibly pregnant.'”  On Fox News, the story blared with the chyron, “Warren Facing New Credibility Questions,” with a pundit roundtable that discussed how the documents highlighted a “character issue.”

[tamespace]

My Real Beef with Minimalism: I Can't Really Afford It

I few weeks ago, I watched the documentary on Netflix called Minimalism. I held off on watching it for a while because I've felt ambivalent about the minimalist lifestyle trend for a few years now. 

That might be strange to people since I am a personal organizer and people embracing minimalism would make my job easier and perhaps obsolete. I'm ok with both of options, which I realize the latter is an unusual standpoint to have on one's job, but more on that later.

What bothers me about minimalism? I didn't know for a long time, though I thought about it often, turning the idea over and over in my head. Wondering why it simply never sat right with me.

I've written about lifestyle minimalism here, here and here, but in previous posts I've just dealt with it in an affable, informative way. 

Then a random conspiring of posts on Twitter yesterday helped dislodge the cause of my discomfort with minimalism. 

I saw this Reductress Post:

I had a blog post on Minimalism from 2013, just when Reductress was founded, going something like this:

Minimalist Lifestyle Trend 

The popular Minimalists, Becker and Nicodemus, were on NPR a few years ago. I was loading the dishwasher while listening and towards the end of their talk they agreed to take listener calls. The calls were, without exception, from women asking about how to clear out the clutter in kids rooms. 

The allure of capsule wardrobes, Japanese organizers and other modern notions seems irresistible in a culture that has a billion dollar  storage industry. We have a real appetite for buying things and now a matching appetite for storing. 

I have watched the growing movement of minimalism ( aka downsizing, down shifting, simplicity, simple living) throughout the world. In architecture, design, futuristic movies and idealized in thousands of photographs on shelter sites. 

The pull, for me, is strong. I love it but I do not think it is the answer for many. In fact minimalism has a following largely in the upper percentage of earners, such that it seems only the wealthy can truly achieve it. 

It is difficult to achieve because our society is set up to be grand consumers but we have also inherited a rightful guilt about throwing things away from our parents and grandparents.

Then during my writing group last Wednesday, I read a draft from my book, Tame Space, on Minimalism and the the Simple Living Movement (you'd be right to think they were the same, but they are only similar, for reasons explained in my book). One writing pal said she agreed, that living minimalist seemed to have an elite quality to it that many who struggle with paying rent could probably not appreciate. Another writing pal said they didn't think it was elitist but that it pointed to a need for an individual to find a set point for themselves, and that for some the set point was minimalist and others maximalist. I agreed with both ideas, though more strongly that it feels elitist but didn't know how to explain it in the moment.

Then I happened to stumble upon Kristin Wong's post on the movie Minimalism on Netflix and this from her site:

While I relate to minimalism on an aesthetic level (and even on a Buddhist level to some extent), something about the trend toward minimalism is unsettling. It seems problematic, at least in the current state of our economy, to push the virtue of minimalism in terms of wealth. Despite being overshadowed by more pressing headlines, income inequality hasn’t gotten any better. The average income of the top 10% of Americans is upwards of $200k and the top 1% earn over six million a year. But the vast majority–90% of people–make an average of $33,000 a year.

And there it is. $33,000 a year for the majority of people. I had a quiet aha moment. Sometimes, living with less isn't a clarion call to the good life. Sometimes, it's just less stuff because we have less money. 

Can you imagine for a moment, living paycheck to paycheck for most of your life and worrying about paying for new shoes for your kid and living on a daily diet of painkillers because you can't afford to see the dentist because your car needs repairs asap - imagine that and hearing about two single guys who were making six figure salaries and walking away from it because they realized they'd rather be fiction writers and live with less stuff? 

If you can't imagine, read Linda Turado's Hand to Mouth. She wrote an essay on Gawker on being poor and a defense of some of the things that poor folks find they are judged for in the media and in politics. The essay was so popular Penguin asked her to write a book. It reminded me a bit of Nickel and Dimed by Barbara Ehrenreich (Hand to Mouth by Paul Auster is also good too but labeled fiction) both should be required reading for everyone but definitely for the upper crust who would then tout minimalism less as a great achievement and more as the antidote to their particular kind of moneyed malaise.

In Linda Turado's world, I'd be pretty bitter for a moment about the Minimalist trend (can I have the houseful of nice stuff that you just gave away?) before I had to get back to worrying about how to get new shoes for my kid. Of course, I don't dislike the Minimalists, I'm happy for anyone courageous enough to walk away from financial security to find true bliss and to make a living sharing their method. I like many of their posts on simple living and letting go of things, like this and this.  I reserve my bitterness for many other things life has presented. Like aging, or the current political climate, or people who don't pick up their dog's poop. Bitterness is the contrasting flavor to my sweet optimism that doing what I love - helping people - will someday pay off. Pay off enough to cover basic needs and save for retirement, of course. It currently doesn't.

I do find their repeated message of minimalism as THE answer to be grating as I struggle to live in NYC. It's expensive to live here, but I can't think of leaving, I love it here. I'm proud of my work here. My husband can make his living only here as a publicist for theater and dance. But I know financially I wouldn't cut it in NYC with two kids if something happened to my partner. He's got the health insurance benefits and a living wage. 

I, too, am living the dream of pursuing meaningful work. But if I decide to live minimalist and get rid of excess to barest extreme, I may not have the old macbook that I could upgrade if my current laptop broke or was stolen. I live mostly by my work principles - don't keep what you don't use - but sometimes you have to, you want to, because you are afraid of not being able to buy another. I am afraid to be minimalist because I live largely hand to mouth.

In case it doesn't seem apparent, the seeming luxury of my career choice was driven by sheer necessity: big time gap in my resume meant I could not find work in marketing after 8 years of staying at home with the kids. Also, marketing changed immensely from 2003 to 2013. I no longer had a professional network to help onramp into the working world. Frustrated and clinically depressed, I founded Tame Space in late 2011 after realizing I needed to instantly create a business that spoke to my best skills (organizing and working with people one on one), gave me a flexible schedule to spend time with my kids and allowed me some creative outlet (this blog).

I share the gist of my personal financial situation because that's the reason I've never been able to jump on the Minimalism bandwagon. My finances are too minimalist to play fast and loose with the idea of having very little in my home. If I ever have the luxury, like some of my clients, to unload bags of designer clothes to my housekeeper and design my own minimalist apartment in Brooklyn and have loads of money socked away for retirement and the kids' college tuition, maybe I could stand to let go of everything. Or maybe not, since the feeling of scarcity is sometimes a specter that lives only in your mind and disregards how much money you actually have in your bank account.

I think of my parents and many of my clients and how the feeling of scarcity (whether it's true or not in their situation) is enough to trigger holding tendencies. I say holding because they are not hoarding and forgetting about things in the dark corners of a Collyer brothers home, but are waiting for some feared future time when they may need this extra set of shoes or the old laptop or those glass mason jars or the french yogurt maker.

I hope that one day I can feel unfettered by fear of not being able to buy something I once had and discarded. Until then, I can only see lifestyle minimalism as a delightful path to fulfilled living for the segment of the population who could easily replace anything they once thought they could live without.

In a perfect world, a person considering Minimalism might give their entire household of things to a family who had just left temporary homeless shelter and needed good quality household items and clothes. And hopefully, they'd never need to look back.

[dearjudeinlondon]

Dear JudeinLondon, I've seen in your twitter that you're considering doing a 3rd bachelors! I recently graduated with a 2:2, and get the impression I might as well be holding a turd. I'm thinking of retraining, but can't speak another language (+Brexit) to study abroad, can't get student finance for a second degree in the UK, and so studying will either be super expensive or take 6yrs for part time. This is getting me down. What can I do? Yours, Sad and Unsuccessful

Dear Sad and Unsuccessful,Firstly, you have a degree, you did your best and you passed. Be proud of yourself for that. Learning another language to study abroad is a really good idea, and you don't have to be as advanced as you think before you go out there (dependent on course, or even country). You should look into that more and explore your options. I'm not a typical case, my school paid for most of my first degree, and I financed the second through SLC like the rest of us. I also studied back when tuition fees were £1,135 a year, so doing two degrees wasn't an outrageous concept. So please, don't let my nerdism be a barometer for anything. It was mostly good fortune and really amazing teachers. One of my biggest gripes with academia is we all come out of university either hating what we've just studied or realising it was the entirely wrong choice, leaving us even more unprepared for life. I wish degrees could be divorced from the criteria to enter a workplace - that could be a separate qualification. The useless General Studies A-Level could be used to teach basic work skills - Business Administration, IT & Book-keeping etc. If it's the grade that's bothering you, I know people who have been accepted into postgrad courses with 2:2 and work experience, and the Open University has postgraduate loans so that may be worth exploring. But don't feel like you're the only one who doesn't know what to do post uni, and don't diminish your achievement because society is telling you it isn't good enough. It absolutely is