#i can't do this i'm genuinely too disabled
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im so so tired jsjdhbj an engineering employers panel just scared me half to death with their startups and innovation and investment and passion commitment linkedin networking etc etc etc i hate it here
#i can't do it#this kind of thing is not meant for people like me#i came here and suffered through it to get myself some niche skills so that the kind of person i am doesn't matter#but i attend an employers panel and they're saying that they don't want your skills#they want you as a person#you need to be networking and making connections within the industry and building soft skills AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#i can't do this i'm genuinely too disabled#should have been a vet fr#i don't want to move to cambridge and work in startups until i decide to do a phd and go straight back to [current redacted uni] i canttt#need to get a job and then find something to live for but unfortunately for me#those two things are separate#yet i'm in the field of people who act like they're not#ksjhgdcksjd i don't understand why it can't be about the work#and why it has to be about me#times like this when i want someone to take charge of my life entirely. which is a really bad thing to want#but at the same time i can't deal with it alone#and that's what i am right now !!#tangent on this rant but my dad should theoretically be great to have around to help since he's also an engineer#should be great in general tbh. i have a dad isn't that cool#but he doesn't really love me#and hasn't for a long time#yet i am completely reliant on him#and if anything goes wrong - which it easily could in my current state - my mum can't support me#hgjvsfdtycu;ioakljshdgvfctjyulaisdkjchg that's enough of that sorry#what a shit day#started so nice and went down like a lead balloon
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kind of frustrating that people took "fat does not equal unhealthy" to mean "fat is not unhealthy." sometimes being obese IS unhealthy & excess fat can cause a lot of problems. ignoring health issues isn't progressive. real "oranges kill people with depression" moment
#i have a lot to say but i think it all boils down to this:#the only reason people think this way is because they experienced body shaming & bullying for their fatness#& instead of gaining a healthy relationship with their body & its needs they went full denial mode#people that aren't fat that think this way are just going with things uncritically which is also bad btw#because when you have decades of proof that being severely overweight can be detrimental to your health#(& no i don't mean fucking. supersize me. i mean medical proof that too much fat causes diseases & early death)#but you're ignoring that because a tiktok influencer that has no medical experience said so#that is a huge lack of critical thinking skills on display & people are gonna listen to that misinformation & some might die#this isn't some light shit that can be waved off as non-harmful because it IS harmful! it is actively hurting people!!#again being unhealthy isn't a moral failing & no one deserves shit for that!! but that's the whole damn point isn't it!!!#militant fat activists are so afraid of their fatness being associated with anything negative they turn right around into ableism#they don't WANT to be considered disabled! because being disabled IS a moral failing to them. disability is abnormal#& of course being morbidly obese is totally normal. because if it wasn't then they'd need to do work & handle an ED#& that's too much to grapple with mentally so. no. they're normal. super normal. don't look at the lifespan of someone over 300lb#btw i am 100% aware that a lot of this is combined with other issues like racism sexism homo/transphobia genuine fatphobia#but also sometimes they really can't operate on someone that can't recover afterwards#like i wouldn't call the vet bigoted & cat-hating for being unable to operate on my 20yo cat#Minnie would simply not survive that. because she is so damn old#unfortunately for Minnie she can't get younger but people CAN lose weight in multiple different ways#& it may seem like the world is attacking you but you really have to train yourself out of automatic bad faith reactions#''you couldn't possibly understand!!'' yeah okay i'm sooo abled & privileged you got me there (<-sarcasm. if you couldn't tell)#just because someone hasn't experienced your EXACT thing doesn't mean they can't relate & haven't gone through similar#it's so difficult to train your brain out of that shit i get that but you really really really have to. or you will die#or at least be miserable#DISCLAIMER: i'm not talking about every person who has even a little fat on their body. fat is NEEDED#but like all things too much of a good thing can cause problems & fat is not exempt#this is about morbid obesity. not someone who's like 160lb that shit is normal#& people need to stop thinking anything over 110lb is fat#because it isn't & i think most people are getting into unhealthy territory at that low of a weight#basically i view being too fat the same as being too thin. they both cause health problems & should be taken seriously
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along the same line as the whole "why do you need to know someone's autistic before you stop bullying them for their autistic traits?" thing I've seen floating around
apologizing for it once you know is meaningless. it doesn't change the fact that you deliberately mocked someone for their behavior.
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a customer mocked my stutter and I've lost all patience with that so I looked him in the eyes and said "I have a speech disability" and he immediately got all apologetic and was like "I wasn't making fun of you". Bro yes you were. you didn't realize you were making fun of a disability I've spent my entire life struggling with, but you were nonetheless.
just because you don't know you're being an asshole doesn't mean you're not being an asshole. you can apologize but I'm not going to forgive you.
#text post#stuttering#disability#ableism#color says shit#it's nice that my stutter mostly disappears when I'm angry because it lets me immediately put on my stony and guarded demeanor effortlessly.#anyway. most customers are at least condescending to me when I have trouble speaking. not outright rude#I've had a few customers that do genuinely mock me and then I just walk away from them and call a manager.#but like... apologizing when you've chosen to engage in asshole behavior doesn't change the fact that you've engaged in that behavior.#I'm not going to go “oh it's alright 😁” because you've realized that I don't think you're at all funny for that.#I'm done taking shit from anybody. treat me with respect or fuck off.#it's not my fucking fault I can't get a sentence out some days.#I don't care if it was done in ignorance you're an adult you don't get to be cruel like that.#like. haha yeah I know it's so funny when I start making noises and breathing funny but I'm not a spectacle for you to laugh at.#I'm not some side show. I'm not some curiosity. I'm not a roadside attraction to laugh at.#sometimes I forget I have such a hugely internalized reaction to being objectified in this very specific way#and then it happens and I want to leave a fist shaped dent in my locker.#I care too much about my hands to fuck them up again so I'll just vent on tumblr dot com instead
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Today I said to my doctor "yeah I've had like a dangerous mental health crisis any time I've been in long-term employment, and also my physical health seems to suffer quite a bit due to all the Conditions I Have, and both of these things make each other worse," and she really did turn around and say "hmm, we have a long way to go to make you healthy so you can work".
🙃
#like she genuinely means so well. and i can tell that she is a good doctor.#she is Going To Sort Me Out. she's Making Lists.#and i also know she only cares about the work thing because she knows that finances are difficult#and mental healthcare is expensive#but it's like. what am i meant to do#this only works if i can hold down a job first and i definitely can't do that#fucking sigh#at least shes bulk billing me#free doctoring is nice#otherwise that appt was $80 that i dont have#oof#sorry for the vent I'm fucking frustrated#i just want to make art and be gay is that too much to ask#anyway I'm just having a very. anxious moment needed to air it out#the system is fucking broken#I'm just too disabled to work a normal job why will people not accept that#'i want you to have a fulfilling career' I DON'T WANT ONE#i just want to like. organise things. just let me sort files or cards or books i will do that !!!!#just let me listen to a podcast and work reasonable hours and take regular breaks and sit in a comfortable spot!!!!#just be a human!!!!!!!#god fucking dammit!!!!!!!!!!!#vent#capitalism#disability#work#chronic illness#medical#the system speaks
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An important thing to remember as an artist that started out drawing characters crudely and then started learning the fundamentals, at first your art will not look nice.
At first, drawing faces and bodies in different positions will make your characters look weird, then poor perspective will make your characters look weird, and finally when all the kinda things I mentioned above will be dealt with, just the hype of finally knowing how to draw anatomy will bite you in the ass because you can do all these things, you can draw them correctly or close to that, but whether that's figure drawing knowledge gaps, or awkwards poses/composition, or just not a very harmonious combination of realism and stylization in facial features or in general, but your before and after pictures might get this look of "clear objective technical improvement but many would consider it a downgrade"
That's a very common thing. I used to be in this before/after art community, and it was so toxic it was a meme within the community that no matter how much you've improved there will be people that will say that the before is better. There's a seed of truth to these words though, what they fundamentally get wrong is this implication that you "ruined your art"
That's a big example of why you shouldn't listen to non-art people for art advice. Keep going. You're closer to your art dreams than you ever were, you just need to look into all these things like the remaining knowledge gaps or personality to your art you might've lost as you were on your anatomy grind.
Keep creating, keep looking at art that inspires you and try to think of how to make yourself like your art better. Don't get stuck on it, if it begins being unfun, please do take a breather. Also, none of that is objective, people will still prefer things different to what you find beautiful. It's alright, create what you like, that's what this post is about. If you don't wanna, don't focus on aesthetics, just the process of creating art is fun and will eventually get you in the right place, that's what I do, I just occasionally throw in things I like and sometimes they work. Take care.
These are my current thoughts on the topic. I wouldn't take them too close to heart, this is just a blogging site and I'm blogin 👍
#Art#Art tips#Art community#Art advice#Technicality wise I have a very very long way to go#But as someone who finally started seeing and incorporating what I genuinely Like in my art it's a bit like opening my art#folder or sketchbook and kind of getting a feeling like I'm on a page of an artist I like and would actually follow#(Not bc of how I currently handle posting my art and how I choose pieces to post but I'm talking about my art archives so regardless)#An insane feeling#Also!!!!!#I chose not to include it in the post because it stood out against the main point of the post#but what the so-called Tumblr art style is all about is kind of related to this#Most of the people you'll see if you google Tumblr artstyle would have 'passable' or even 'decent' art#if they sticked to drawing thin anime girls with Eurocentric features#Current art idea floating around or almost like an unspoken rule:#If you wanna draw fat people/non Eurocentric features/disabilities or any minorities you gotta be a level above the people drawing today's#conventional beauty standards to be considered an equal to them among *gestures vaguely*#I hate that but that's something you have to keep in mind as you deal with art criticism#And as opposed to that#By harmonious in this post I mean very vague ideas and the many many ways you can stylize a real person#These are two ideas you can't detach from each other entirely but I do believe that we can discuss them separately#Just because a good drawing of an ethnic minority is going to be judged harsher than an opposite of that doesn't make it the worse drawing#Again that's why you gotta dismiss opinions of people who don't draw well and by that I'm obv talking artists better than me#Just getting that out of the way#//rambles#My thoughts on this whole topic inspired by this tweet that called the Tumblr art style too ambitious for the artists' skills and that#if anything that's something that should be praised in people#I thought that's a very interesting topic in a wider sense#I strayed away from it but as you might've noticed I wrote a post on the topic in the tags anyways#Sigh
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feeling very violent over job applications today
i am 22 CREDITS AWAY from completing my bachelor's degree (which requires 120 credits total), and all of the requirements for my english writing major specifically are complete! and yet, because of an error my parents or i may have made on the fafsa, and because i am broke as shit and can't just cough up thousands and thousands of dollars out of nowhere (and my parents say they can't either, but even if they could they're unwilling 100% at this point to offer that help), i am not eligible for a shit ton of jobs that i NEED to. you know. pay rent throughout my gap semester this spring. i don't want to lie and say i do have a college degree, because i don't wanna deal with any potential consequences. especially since i'm only 20 and most people don't expect me to have finished college by that age. but then a lot of job postings specify a bachelor's degree minimum, and 2+ years of work experience or whatever. and i'm like, ok, well, i DO have 2+ years of work experience. i've been a tutor since i was like 16, and i've done a shit ton of different jobs at my university during my semesters here so far. and i've finished all the requirements for an english major. i may be young but I Fucking Know My Stuff, rest assured. and then. well. i submitted an app just now that not only asked for my resume but also had me fill out a bunch of other info manually (like it asked me to select my degree, if i graduated etc) and all of 2 minutes after i submitted it, i got an automated email saying, "hey, sorry, you don't meet the minimum qualifications so we're not even gonna give you a look." the worst part is it was an APPLICANT POOL not even for a specific job!! it was just a pool!! and it DIDN'T SAY A BACHELOR'S WAS REQUIRED ANYWHERE IN THE POSTING!!! please for the love of god. i just want to survive the spring. i'm gonna fucking cry
#adrian posts#i could look for other jobs that aren't in my field of interest#like. yknow. retail or restaurant jobs or whatever.#except i'm disabled#the amount of standing/walking/moving those jobs would require would be genuinely too much for me to handle#like i straight up could not do those jobs. lmao#and especially for restaurant jobs i have food allergies and can't touch some stuff because of that#i'm a DAMN GOOD WRITER let's get that straight.#i'm damn good at pr stuff and phrasing things properly and all the stuff adjacent to that.#if i get to be remote or i work in an office space that doesn't require much physical activity at all??#i'd be fucking set. i'd kick ass!#i HAVE been kicking ass at my current and past jobs!!#but no!!! the job application system is fucking BROKEN!!#''nobody wants to work boo hoo'' I WANT TO!!! TAKE ME!!!#:/
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I was trying to psychically explain to my therapist how sensory overload felt like if everyone had to run everyday laps, and while a struggle sometimes it was completely possible, but i had a bad leg, and that's when i realized I'm just fucking disabled whether i want to admit it or not
#luly talks#like that's it i literally just reverse engineered what being disabled fucking means#i now also get the rage and annoyment of ppl when they try to look up shit on google bout how to cope and its just advice for parents bout#their kids like WHAT ABOUT US FUCKING MISERABLE AND TIRED ADULTS HUH???!!!#its so annoying too bc the solution to sensory overload according to all these sources is literally just leave lol#which like YEAH M8 I SURE WOULD LOVE TO BUT I JUST. I. CAN'T JUST FUCKING HIT THE BRICKS SOMETIMES!!!!#this anxiety came bc i was thinking of next year when i go go university like what then huh?#bc i gotta do a first year of just regular classes and like. I'm genuinely scared of not being able to make it#and I'm even more scared of no one recognizing the fact that well im fucking disabled like i just used my big juicy brain to decipher#I'm going to talk about this w my therapist as soon as i can man...
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"Why are we exclusivising behaviours everyone experiences" because something like RSD for example is not, in fact, something everyone experiences. It is a symptom and has a name for a goddamn reason. The literal point of it being dysphoria is that it is disproportionate and difficult to manage. Dyphoria is not just "I felt bad", it is often anxiety. Like. @goodguydotmp3 is 100% right and I am so fucking tired of this rhetoric repackaged as being "humanizing" and "the emotionally mature thing to do".
A disability is a disability for a reason and you need to fucking get comfortable with that fact.
The idea of "pathologizing vs humanizing" and "using it as an excuse or cop-out" and "it's not relatable" is so transparently uninterested in actual mental health, wellness, and any acknowledgement of what mental illness and disability actually are, and while here the example is directed at ADHD and RSD, which are the Hot New Brain Worms Of The Month, the logic is a million times more insidious and often seems, if you haven't been on the receiving end of it, to be good and sound. But like.
A condition is often a condition for a reason, and those conditions can be Fucking Debilitating. This applies even if you experience the same condition as the person you are speaking to. If someone says to you "I'm sorry about this thing, I am severely depressed" it's actually pretty fucking gross to say "So what, I'm depressed too" (a thing which I and many others have experienced, and which has been gleefully shared in the notes of this post).
Frankly, it actually strikes me as worse in a lot of ways to act like a condition is universal, and that us both being depressed cancels out like a math equation, or that you are depressed in an identical way to me, or to the same degree, or in the same circumstances, than it does to say "I'm sorry I did XYZ thing, situations like this have been difficult for me or volatile because I have depression".
Like. Has the whole point of mental health activism not been the literal Invisibility Of Mental Illness???
The second response demonstrated by OP demands obscuration of the disability or condition or situation. To claim that it's pathologizing and therefore bad to use the phrases which are formally recognized, have been given to you to describe your circumstances and situations, and are literally designed to give phrasing to experiences so that you can identify and work with them more easily, is fucking insane.
Frankly the idea of "humanize your mental illness instead of pathologizing it" is just a reworded version of "don't use the scary medical words that might indicate that you have an actual medical condition because then people have to acknowledge the reality of your situation instead of just getting to believe that you are a bad and/or lazy person". It is functionally just "It's just easier for everyone else if you don't actually say that you're disabled and frame things as a personal failing instead of a contextualized struggle, so you should just not say it".
Because vital to note is that this wasn't "make sure you aren't ending at using clinical terms to explain your response to a situation", it was "use Normal People Words instead".
God this feels like such a fucking nuclear comparison but if court systems can have a fucking Not Criminally Responsible clause—where a person is literally understood to be mentally ill in a way that they literally, in fact, cannot take responsibility for their actions (which apparently is the "emotionally mature thing to do")—then you should be able to fucking integrate that idea into your day-to-day life, and at much less severe levels.
The other implication of this post (intentional or not), specifically the reblog with the tags on it, is that mental illnesses are not in fact as severe as people are making them out to be. RSD does not mean "You said something to me and it hurt my feelings", it is a clinical lack of ability to regulate emotions and responses, and to acknowledge that is not to pathologize, or to excuse, but to understand that this is a core symptom of the medical condition that a person has been diagnosed with.
The issue is not in most cases that I think that my experiences are unique and need to be explained in clinical language to The Other People Who Couldn't Possibly Understand My Feelings, it's that there is some modifier to those shared feelings, and that modifier is not shared, and is likely not self-evident. To refuse to acknowledge the difference between that and the idea that a person is "self-alienating" through using clinical language is transparently uninterested in the actual matter at hand, or at any attempt to get a ground level understanding of disability, mental illnessness, and what it actually means.
And as the above poster mentioned, jesus christ, extend this logic to anything beyond the more publicized conditions like anxiety, depression, ADHD, etc. to anything such as bipolar disorders, schizophrenia and related conditions, psychosis, personality disorders, etc. and it becomes much more obvious how this rhetoric is used as a cudgel.
Other people are more qualified and better-spoken on the matter of the fact that The Core Issue With Hallucinations And Delusions Is That You Are Unable To Distinguish Them From Material Reality, but like. That feels worth mentioning here.
Not to mention things like (hypo-)mania, where you may not have control over your actions, or do things you otherwise would not do. I know of at least three people in my life who, sometimes in efforts to treat other disabilities (mental and physical alike), have experienced workplace issues because of mania, and in at least two of those cases they were given compassionate medical leave because they Had A Medical Condition, not discipline because they refused to take responsibility for their actions which apparently is "the emotionally responsible thing to do".
Because the core of it is: mental illness and disability are things that happen to people, not things that other people are doing. And when things happen to you, things that you do become difficult for you and everyone else. And the idea that acknowledging and explaining that fact to other people is not humanizing or is alienating or is avoiding the problem or not taking responsibility or pathologizing instead of...experiencing often invisible situations which often are not just out of your control but actively remove your control over yourself?? The idea that explaining or acknowledging that doesn't actually lend anything to the situation, even when it is a part of reality and ought to be recognized as such, and that even when there are literally medically-recognized conditions that contribute to an action or response, the person should still take responsibility for their actions that medically they are often unable or significantly more challenged to control??? Responsibility not as in, I must respond to this matter and attempt to correct it, but responsibility as in ownership of the action or blame on an immediate level???
That feels pretty gross.
Sick list of symptoms bro. Now try humanizing your behavior instead of pathologizing it.
#angry post i suppose#but im so fucking tired of this#i am genuinely curious about if people genuinely think it's meaningful when they respond with ''so am i'' to ''i'm depressed''.#and i am not trying to make a judgement about individual people in their situations which i am not familiar with#but i need you to know that when you say that and then return and post about it with pride#other people read that and suddenly are wondering if you would believe THEM if you told them they had depression#because there is an implication that ''I have this too and I'm doing fine so either you should be able to do this thing that I can#and if you can't then it's because you must be doing something wrong''#helios is not exaggerating remotely when they say that this is a nakedly transparent attempt to delineate between Good People Who Deal#With Their Disabilities Well And Don't Cause Problems For The Rest Of Us and then everyone else who falls into the#Those Lazy Disableds Simply Refuse To Do All The Things Which Would Help Them Which I#Who Am A Different Person Am Able To Know With Authority And Therefore Make A Judgment Upon#this is not even getting into the ''you've gotta believe that you can grow and not view these behaviours as permanent manifestations of#whatever it is you're dealing with'' because that reads very much as ''using the words given to you to describe your conditions is a#self-fulfilling prophecy because by using those phrases you BELIEVE in them#which is the more important part than them being relevant regardless of whether they're temporary or not''#because that's the other thing!!!! SOMETIMES THESE THINGS DON'T IN FACT FUCKING GO AWAY AND PEOPLE CANNOT IN FACT ''FIX THEM''#and you need to be comfortable with that fact. there is no ''or else''. you NEED to be comfortable with that fact.
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got to love how the bees and undead had such polarising normal polls while jun easily swept eden's poll with an 83~%
#speaking tag#anyway. since none of these characters are normal at all i've been voting on who i thinkhas kind of earned it#like with kohaku#i can confidently say that he is in the top 3 characters in terms of insane backstory. maybe even no.1#but he has genuinely been striving for a sense of normalcy in a way that the other members haven't#big part of his motivation is that he wants to be free !!!! he wants to live a '''''normal''''' life !!!!!!!#it's. not going so well but he's doing his best. i think.#honestly i do feel that a lot of the stuff that makes niki so ''weird'' is just his disability disabling him#and you really can't separate niki from his illness because that would honestly just be stupid#so i do get where people are coming from i guess ??? especially when backstory is taken into account#but he is way more than your local chill guy !!!!#happyele does usually treat him as comedic relief so i can't really blame people for not understanding how deeply concerning niki is#i am. getting off-topic.#anyway i voted for jun and kaoru for the same reasons why i voted for kohaku#they all have so many problems but they're ultimately striving for some level normalcy and i'm acknowledging that#tbh i do understand the people that voted rinne#you know kids that don't get much wiggle room in their childhood so they grow up and just Cause Problems ? yeah that's rinne to me#it's sad and he's weird but it's not an uncommon phenomenon#i just didn't vote for him because he's a little too strange to make the cut but i do think that's intentional#he's actively playing the part of a freak#and i love him#OH YEAH THIS GOES FOR AIRA TOO#all of alk are weird as hell but aira is ''chronically online'' weird which is pretty standard to ''teenage martyr'' kind of weird#maybe this post was just an excuse to ramble about my lukewarm takes in the tags#ooooh you want to discuss enst characters with me sooooo bad
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A little ramble about Socialist Alternative, leftist radicalisation and privilege. Mostly a vent of sorts so it's going to be messy.
//TW: mentions of suicidal thoughts, effects of capitalism on mental health and physical health, mentions of systematic abuse and oppression, etc.
"What radicalised you?"
If you're familiar with Australian leftist politics or just been to an Australian university, you've probably heard this line from Socialist Alternative at some point, particularly if you're a young leftist. At first, I personally didn't know how to answer this, but now? Now I do:
That's the wrong question, it's not about what radicalised me, it's about when I realised I wasn't allowed to exist. I think my main distrust of socialist alternative can be drawn here, as much as I respect their activism (as much as I don't like certain other parts of it and the organisation itself because of how it functions and is set up, among other things) and how they've helped the movements around me grow, I don't like their ethics because it always centres on feeling in the right when, honestly, that isn't what this fight was ever about. It's not simply about what pushes people to some realisation that capitalism isn't working, for many of us, it's about realising when we noticed that we were broken clogs that would always be discarded; realising that we wouldn't even live past 30 in a system that sees us as faulty parts and that'll end with us either starving to death or choosing to kill ourselves to have some semblance of control in a system that is so damning that it actively tries to kill us. And no I'm not even exaggerating, especially when it comes to disability and generally most marginalised groups. It's actively hostile to people like us.
This is taking out one strong example for myself here, but I just feel like every interaction has had an undertone of not really understanding the gravity of what's at stake on an individual level. I think, like Marx, they really don't have anything to lose but their chains, but for the rest of us? We have our lives, something I think others just can't quite comprehend here when I say being anti capitalist isn't a political choice, it's a matter of life or death because here just isn't any other option in order to survive. Don't get me wrong, I agree with Marx on many things, but I do think there's a difference between able bodies, white, middle class activism because capitalism is uncomfortable compared to when you're a minority that's doing this to be allowed to exist, and specifically I think there's a powerful element of privilege that's ignored, especially in the case of socialist alternative. Again, I respect their activism, but this dynamic of power and push being from a white, abled and middle to upper class lens (yes there are people who are minorities within the org, but they don't hold power and much say imo) has led to, in my view, a distorted sense of reality and, more pressingly, policy and vision that is about saving the working class rather than making a world where labour isn't a price you have to pay in order to be allowed to exist. It's not just the exploitation of the working class, though that's a huge part of it, it's also how hostile this system is to people who can't be used; who can't work or who are seen as dirty or wrong for trying to.
So when asked "so, what radicalised you?" I can only really think to reply with "when I realised that wanting to die wasn't my fault, but the people around me that convinced me that my lack of ability to produce is somehow my fault and that I somehow don't deserve basic survival". Because that's the reality and I think, at least with the SAlt members I've spoken to, that isn't something that's really understood; the gravity of this situation on a personal level and that it's not as simple as doing something to make yourself feel good or to have a moment of pride, sometimes (or oftentimes) it's literally survival.
Most of all, I think what cements this for me is the reply I get to when I've asked (genuinely and in good faith) about allegations about their internal environment being "toxic" and "cult like" and, as I explained to them, this is from many different people from different friend groups who all don't know each other but have had he same experiences:
"They're just jealous of us and our activism."
But jealous of what? In a fight for survival, none of us have the opportunity to feel jealous over how it's done because this isn't about feeling a bit better, it's about being allowed to exist. I think this really is what made me realise that this isn't about the right to live for them, but the ability to feel good for fighting on the behalf of people like me and my friends. And, to me, that's something to have healthy caution over when pity is how people have tried to control minorities in the past, and in my own personal experience.
#personal#ok to rb#vent kinda??#I have beef with salt in general so maybe I'm biased but the way the members I've met so far just... don't comprehend this.#It makes me not really trust them especially when they say they're part of the working class/ are poor because they just. They don't Get It;#this isn't even JUST about doing what's right or realising that capitalism is explootative it's literally a life or death choice for me.#I can either 1) stop moving after my chronic pain becomes too much to “push through” and eventually not have any means of survival#or 2) end my own life to have some semblence of control#and to avoid the inevitable pain of being forced to work to survive despite the pain it causes#I'm not sure if I worded this well but Salt feels absolutely not safe for people like me due to the way they treat people like me#and speak about our oppression#I think there's a lack or really understanding the bigotry behind ableism and queerphobia among many other things#They don't understand how being disabled means being poor and how they interlink#They don't get that having chronic pain means making it to class is a struggle and that finding work is extremely difficult#That welfare in order to have a chance at living independently is a constant battle of constantly proving that I'm in “enough” pain#and that “enough” is never enough to be granted enough money to live independently#They don't understand that when people suoport you it can be a 50/50 chance of genuine care or the desire to use you;#for pity and attention or money#for being able to use you to make others pity uou and then them and get free shit#or to just control someone who's “easy” to control#which makes living independently become even more of a must#but that alone becomes a battlefield of trying to survive in a world where you can't work most jobs#And study becomes less and less obtainable as you realise the gap between you and everyone else#because you're always absent and always behind#It's the systematic struggles that continually add up until you're drowing#It's pushing past your own healthy limits just to exist#and for what?#So yes my life radicalised me because I don't feel that I have any alternative choice#Because I and people who also experience this are desperate now because this system doesn't allow for people like us on a systematic level#It's not even about the crimes or exploitation even that “made me realise” it's the everyday systematic aggression since I was born
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i don't think i'll ever get over how people treat kids that aren't good in school as worthless no matter what. "oh it can't be that bad" my guy idk how to tell you this but the last time i went to a normal high school the principal called me into his office to brag about how he failed me in all of my classes before the semester was even finished & i should quit while i'm ahead cuz i'm too stupid ("officially" diagnosed as such by a school counselor & a psychiatrist!!) to succeed. & this is considered normal
#''poor teachers!!'' yeah well at least they can fucking quit & go work somewhere else#''okay but times are different than when you went to school in the 1970's'' this was 2016 my guy. shut the fuck up#''well maybe you were a violent & severely misbehaving kid!'' i wasn't. i have ADHD & severe anxiety disorder & depression#my biggest crime was being too exhausted & dopamine deprived to do my homework#my dad talks about how he was treated in school & i'm like damn dude i went through the same exact shit#how is it that a majority of teachers & principals are still abusive power-tripping pieces of shit 60 years later#why haven't things changed#well actually the answer is simple & it's because they want disabled people to disappear#& if abled students that simply disagree with the way things are done get caught in the crossfire then that is acceptable#because anyone not fit to make billionaires a billion more dollars should just die!#anyways here are my original tags from that gravity falls post i just reblogged:#I know this is supposed to be an appreciation post but like. ''for being the ''dumb one'' he's surprisingly rational.'' seriously??#as ''the dumb'' but ''surprisingly rational'' one of my family this is THEE biggest misunderstanding & it drives me up the fucking wall#just because a person struggles in one area doesn't mean they're stupid & should be an irrational dumb dumb idiot baby holy fuckkk#sorry to OP but even when people try to ''appreciate'' stuff like this they can't help but throw in insults#simply because they genuinely believe that ''even though you're stupid you SURPRISINGLY act competent sometimes'' is a compliment#I'm less mad about this & more sad that this kind of shit is still so prevalent in 2024#both Stanley & Stanford are smart & competent & rational#they just show it in different ways & exceed in different (sometimes overlapping) subjects#this is normal for human beings but the big societal scam is that if you don't do it in the way Ford does then you're stupid & a failure#& being surprised that Stan is also smart & competent in his own ways is the biggest sing that you fucking fell for it dude#btw before i get @ ed for this. i WAS that kid#i was so much that kid the school actually diagnosed me with stupid & spiteful & i was told to quit while i was ahead (they failed me befor#obviously this is very personal for me but also i don't think people realize the language they use is on purpose & it's used specifically t#& it's still happening right now & that just. makes me wanna cry honestly#like why are people still surprised that people can specialize in something despite bad grades in school#you know. the thing we all know is literally rigged to either put you in jail or in a factory to make billionaires more money.#man sorry for the rant the original spirit of the post is super correct but like fuck HS grade-centric judging of people's entire character#Stan being able to defeat Bill is just not at all surprising if you were him or knew/know someone like him#or really paid any attention at all to the show while watching it
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there used to be this programme on sbs years back where it looked at whether certain homeopathic/natural/cultural medicine had actual benefits or not and I'm sure that programme did really good things in terms of legitimising genuine alternative treatments that have helped many people but what I mostly remember it doing was making my grandmother go 'see you don't need to be on medicine' and then not even allowing me to do the alternative medicine either. which was great
#it was at that point where there was so much fear about the opioid crisis and people being on too much medication#and that was incredibly Worrying to me.#mostly because I was starting to develop chronic pain and was going through a lot of health problems#mostly to do with y'know not being given medicine when I should've been#like undiagnosed asthma absolutely fucking me over all the time. and not being allowed to get dxed because 'you'll grow out of it'#what I mention in the post body was especially around my insomnia and having dogshit lungs#so like. 'you can do that instead of being addicted to your melatonin'#which can I just say. that's not only a wild thing to say to someone knowing what melatonin IS#but she wasn't even using addiction correctly. she meant 'daily medication' was 'addiction'. which it is not#and like yeah I'm aware I have some issues around medication and what's considered 'normal' around needing it#that's what happens when you grow up around people who do take daily medications and have disabilities#but like. I was genuinely in need of more than what I was getting medically and that whole 'you don't need ANY medicine and if you do#it has to be one of those on the television' rhetoric really did not help that#and also in regards to that trend of programmes where they tried to reduce the amount of medications people were on#I think that came down to having actual issues that can't be fixed with simple lifestyle changes#especially exercise when exercising makes things worse#and being expected to just fucking Suffer. suffer through constant asthma attacks because your m*ther decided she deserved it more than you#actually happened! like christ alive get your own script#suffer through dangerously high heart rates because you're just unfit#suffer through constant chest infections because you're so stressed it's killing you and being treated like an inconvenience#suffer through crippling insomnia because your brain is wired to exist at a different time than you're expected to live at#oh yeah. nearly fucking die because 'you don't need a doctor'. the longer it's been the more convinced I am that I nearly did die#which is. so fucking cool man. dying from a mystery illness that you thought was swine flu because it felt like that but worse?
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Day two of my body throwing a shit fit and having a seizure because... It felt like it
#im just having a WEEK with disability shit#tbf today i can kinda understand WHY it happened (i overdid it)#but i still feel like shit so doesn't mean i like it#considering all i did was get my hair cut and washed off the shavings when i got home for my body to go 'this is too much'#I'm sore shaking and genuinely nauseous. and every time this happens i get all emotional and start crying almost immediately#can't do shit around the house so spouse is having to do it and that doesn't help anything bc my brain gets all upset-#feeling like i can't do anything/feeling useless even tho spouse doesn't mind#ANYWAYS now im laid in bed with my switch and netflix and some food+drink#bc if i try and get up and go anywhere i get shaky and nauseous almost immediately
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Too many leftists are still glorifying work for work's sake. Too many leftists have equated "performing labor" with "moral fortitude."
If your ideal society has no place for people who genuinely, fully, 100% do not want to work, or who can't work, your ideal society is not as ideal as you think. There has to be space for people who don't "contribute," there has to be space for people who don't fulfill some greater "purpose," there has to be space for people who cannot and will not ever be a part of the labor force.
I am a firm believer that laziness does not exist, and if someone is flat-out refusing to do something, there's a good reason for it. That reason could be disability, it could be fear, it could be a lack of education, it could be that they're confused or lost and don't fully understand what they're supposed to do, it could be that they don't have the skills, it could be that they're at their limit and need a break, it could be that the task is uninteresting or not relatable to them and they don't understand why it's necessary, it could be countless other reasons. "They're just lazy" is a cruel assumption that doesn't solve any problems or accomplish any tasks.
But even if I'm wrong, and laziness is real, you can't penalize "laziness" without hitting a lot of disabled or otherwise vulnerable people in the crossfire. You cannot and will not ever create a society in which everyone is a perfect worker. There has to be a way for someone to contribute absolutely nothing to the labor force, but still be taken care of instead of left to needlessly suffer.
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hiii, i love your stuff! I was wondering if you can do a fic about miles getting upset because reader is getting too much attention from other guys on a post 😺
"Delete it."🕸️🕷️
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pairing: e!42 miles x black!reader
warnings: light swearing, argument, possessiveness
Summary: Miles gets upset because you're receiving too much attention from other guys on a bikini post.
a/n: im trying to get these requests done
I saw it, you can delete it now
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???
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your new post
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hell nah 💀
Seen
Incoming facetime call from Miles💕
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“So you gon' delete it or not?"
“Why would I do that?”
“Cause niggas are commenting some crazy shit and ion like dat.”
“I can't tell if you’re actually being serious right now.”
“Dead ass.”
“Well, I’m not deleting it.”
He rubbed his face in frustration. “I'm not tryna argue with you baby.”
“Then don't?”
“Look, the way these guys are talking under there is making it seem like they don't know you wit' someone."
“I'm sure they do, I tagged your account on my boobs.”
He scrunched his face and then opened up your post again.
“Oh shit, you did.”
You rolled your eyes, "Yeah dumbass."
“Ight, what if you disable the comments?”
“Bye Miles.” You said and hung up the call.
This nigga really don't give up.
As you were wiping off your makeup, you heard your bedroom door open.
"Yo."
Turning your head towards the voice, you saw your boyfriend standing next to the doorway.
"Who let you in?"
"Your mamma did."
You turned your head back around, facing your vanity.
He sat on the edge of your bed. "I'm sorry about earlier, I realized I was being possessive and controlling."
"Damn right."
He turned your chair sideways, "It’s hard to apologize if you're not looking at me Ma."
You sighed and put your wipes down.
"I bought your shein and sephora cart, should be coming in two weeks or so."
A genuine smile spread across your lips, "You did?"
"Wow, look who's smilin'? Hopefully you can drop this little attitude f'me then."
"You know I was gonna forgive you either way? Kinda just played your self right there."
Miles grinned and pulled you onto his lap.
"Mhm...did I mention how sexy you looked in those photos?"
You shook your head.
He took your hand and kissed your knuckles. "Bueno, te lo digo ahora, princesa." (Well i'm telling you now, princess.")
#atsv fluff#atsv miles#miles morales#miles morales x reader#earth 42 miles morales x black!reader#earth 42 miles morales x reader#earth 42 miles morales fluff#earth 42 miles x reader#miles morales x black!reader#across the spiderverse#miles morales fluff#miles morales fanfiction#e!42 miles morales#earth 42 miles x you#earth 42 miles fluff#earth 42 miles x black reader#atsv x you#atsv x reader#atsv miles morales
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Whenever I get a particularly nasty message, I always check to see if they're following me first. Nine times out of ten, they're not. But they're also, unfortunately, the same people who feel entitled to send me multiple messages in a row, most of them heavily steeped in the language of moralization and purity.
Like whenever I talk about painkillers or pain management, I always get a handful of well-meaning people who are maybe new to my blog or are just young, asking me if I've tried diet/exercise/meditation, etc.
Sometimes I'll respond to them. Other times I'll just ignore them because I get those kinds of messages so often it's like white noise, and maybe part of me hopes if they stick around on my blog, they'll learn it through exposure via my incessant bitching.
When you see me responding to someone offering that kind of advice, it's either because I'm at my fucking limit or because I'm hoping it's a teachable moment and an otherwise seemingly nice person might unlearn some harmful biases.
The people who don't follow me are not interested in any kind of conversation on the subject. They do, however, feel the most qualified to tell me, someone they didn't know existed until one of my posts crossed their dash, how to manage my life, everything I'm doing wrong, and why I'm a bad person.
And for them, my disability is proof that I am a bad person because they view health as a moral issue.
If you're sick, it's because you don't exercise enough, don't eat the right foods, don't pray enough, don't do enough. They genuinely believe that if they say and do all the right things, like a Good Person, they'll never get sick.
It's their security blanket against the harsh reality that anyone is one bad day away from disability. One faulty gene, one bad infection, one bad accident away from a life-long diagnosis. And if they do get sick, it's a test. A challenge to be overcome with Willpower as they learn the True Meaning of Life.
It can never just be a simple fact of life that sickness happens. That disability exists without a moral reason.
And it's suffocating.
Day in, day out. Folks who don't know me from fucking Eve telling me I'm being punished. Not always as outright as that. They don't always use that word. But sometimes I appreciate it when they do because at least then they're being honest. They're not couching it in the softer language of leftist circles. Not hiding it behind concern.
Because the truth is, there are just as many folks who think they're liberal and enlightened who'd be happy if disabled people just stopped existing. They don't like thinking about us because it makes them think about themselves. About their own fragility and mortality, and they hate that. They hate that there's something they can't control with their thoughts and actions. That they can't moralize their way out of.
Honestly, it's a relief when people are just cunts about it because I can hit the block button, safe in the knowledge that they were never the kind of person who would see me as a person. But when it's some 20yo kid with their pronouns, orientation, and "ACAB" in their profile spouting the same kind of moralization, sometimes even with the language of eugenics, it feels like such a betrayal. Like a loss.
And perhaps if I wasn't multiply disabled, I'd have the energy to pull them back. To tell them why they're wrong and hope like hell they realize what they're doing is harmful. But then, if I wasn't disabled, they wouldn't be messaging me, so I wouldn't be dealing with it.
I wouldn't be expected to use my existence as a teachable moment to spoon-feed them compassion. But I am, and I do. When I can. Not always with the grace that's warranted. Not always with the thought and compassion I ought to. (And I don't; I acknowledge that. I'm prone to anger and off-the-cuff remarks that are hurtful too. Though I try to keep most of it to myself or save it for therapy.)
Basically, if you've made it this far through the TED talk, don't be fucking cunts to disabled people. Don't tell chronically ill people to try yoga. Don't moralize pain relief. Suffering is not noble.
You need to kill the cop and the priest in your head telling you otherwise.
And also if you're the nice people sending me nice messages. Thank you. It helps cushion all of *gestures* this.
#chronic health tag#long post#ableism#thanks for coming to this huge rant I'll probably delete later#also sincerely#thank you to everyone who does send nice messages#you are the majority#it's just that the assholes are louder
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