#i can't do anythig

[halfdeadwallfly]

feeling an intense urge to do some scatting rn

[teaboot]

Sometimes at work it's not my place to tell people the things I want to say, and I find I often go home at the end of the rougher days to stand blankly in my shower and tell myself over and over what I wish I could pass on.

This accomplishes very little, and mostly just gives me a tension headache, but through it all I think I've narrowed myself down to a few solid things I'd like to tell people the most.

You can't change people. Not permanently, not for anythig. You can support them, encourage them, love them, give them tools and opportunities and resources, but you can't make them change. They can change themselves if they want to, but they have to want to, and they have to want it for themselves, because they're the only one that's certain to be with them forever.

For better or worse, you make your own choices, and blaming bad choices on others doesn't only work to absolve you of responsibility- it also robs you of control. Because if you say you only did something because I did something, then you arent only shifting blame- you're admitting that you cannot control yourself, that you cannot truly make choices for yourself, that other people can control you- and as long as you truly beleive that, you'll keep facing the same problems over and over. You'll keep letting others dictate your choices, because you'll beleive that they can, and you'll never be free.

White knights on horseback are from fairytales. Nobody can help you if ou're not willing to help yourself. To try, to put the dirty work in, to belive you're worth that effort- Act as though nobody is coming to save you. From a struggle, from pain, from bad relationships, from yourself. And when you do save yourself, because you will, because failure here isn't an option if you want to survive, you'll never find another dragon that can keep you prisoner.

Don't say anything to anyone that you wouldn't want them remembering forever.

Doing the right thing in bad circumstances is hard. It's the hardest thing. But if you make the choice to do that hard thing anyways, despite your fear, you'll go on the rest of your like knowing that you're the sort of person who did something.

The present only seems the hardest because the past I over and the future hasn't happened.

There's so much joy ahead of you, the kind you can't possibly understand until you see it yourself.

The responsibility of consequences is often disguised as the power of permission. "I won't do this if you help me", "I'll work on my anger if you do this for me", "I promised you I'd quit, but can I have just one?". The unspoken question is, "Can it be your fault if this goes badly?"

You cant make someone love you the way you need to be loved. Someone can love you very much and still be bad for you, even if you love them very much in return. Two people can love each other very, very much, and try their very best, and still be wrong for each other.

Sometimes being near to someone changes you, even in good ways, and the people you become don't fit together as well as the people you were.

Caring takes work. Even if it's real. Especially if it's real. And the most important gestures aren't the grand, poetic, songs-and-flowers-and-tears moments; they're getting out of bed even though you don't want to. Paying attention to things you don't enjoy. Scrubbing pans, or opening a window, saying "thank-you", or helping carry groceries into the house. The small things fill the big things- without the small, boring, mediocre things, big things feel hollow.

Thrre is honour and dignity in humble work.

If you are a cruel and spiteful person, then you will find every place you visit to be full of the same cruel, spiteful people. This is not because the world is as cruel as you, but because everywhere you are, you will be disliked. This is the curse that comes with being persistently cruel and spiteful.

If you are a kind and ppsitive person, you will repeatedly encounter kind and positive people, because as they grow familiar with you, they will be happier to have you near. This is the reward of being a kind and positive person.

When splitting paths with loved ones, briefly or forever, aim for your last words to always be "I love you".

[mintyvoid]

i feel weird doing this but- i understand anxiety and especially the social kind.

you're welcome to try and socialize with me if that's something you wanna do.

like i can't guarantee an instantly blossomed amazing friendship-but if you wanna try and have a convo with me it's unlikely i won't answer. unless you're like mean or something.

my ask box and stuff are always open, unless stated otherwise lol

[plugnuts]

Day 30 of being on the meds, I've run out now and honestly. kinda glad. idk when I'll be able to get more but like. for the past few weeks I've rarely gone a day without taking a wee kip bc of my extreme tiredness

Just took my first ADHD med— I’m gonna use this post right here to document how I feel when stuff happens

[rpking99]

So I came across a video where they put Batman against Spider-Man's villains but I ended the Video early cause for the very first villain (the Scorpion... so not even one of Spidey's biggest enemies) they said Batman would just call the Justice League for help... which really go against the idea of putting one Super Hero against anothers Rouge Gallery

So I wanna ask... how would Batman do against Green Goblin, Kingpin, Venom, Doc Ock and Kraven the Hunter?

And for Spider-man... how would he do against Joker, Mr. Freeze, Bane, Ra's al Ghul and Scarecrow?

Okay I'm gonna say this to start

Spider-Man? Walks through Batman's rogue gallery. Peter has to roll with any punch that hits him so people's hands are not SHATTERED. He can CASUALLY punch Scorpion's jaw off, who is MUCH stronger than a normal human.

Joker? Looses instantly against basic jokes at his expense. And he would not be able to effect Peter the same way some of Peter's own villains can. Because... Well Joker is no match for Peter physically or mentally, and the equivalent to the Joker for Peter has all the resources in the world

Anyone who is normal human levels like Two Face, Ra's, Riddler, Penguin, Anarky, Black Mask, Court of Owls, Killer Moth, Firefly, the mob bosses. All of them are easy to be taken out. Heck BANE would get his ass handed to him because Peter would still be too strong for him. Same with Killer Croc.

Mr Freeze would also be an easy win. But also Peter would be more than happy to help him and save him/Nora

The ones who would give Peter the biggest issue are the ones with chemical weapons or inhuman abilities. Clayface is the main inhuman one here, but even then Peter is use to fighting Sand Man and Hydro Man.

Some people claim that with his experience with Mysterio, Scarecrow would be easy. .... Mystero focuses on lights and sound and illusions. There is nothing tangible there, there is no hallucinations in play. Fear Toxin could potentially trip Peter up, as well as fuck up his Spider-Sense. He'd have to the will to power through, but it's catch him off guard.

Poison Ivy would probably be his biggest issue with the phermones and vines and Peter's weakness for lovely ladies and red heads. Especially since, most of the time, she's not a bad guy just doing things the bad way.

Spider-Man sweeps Gotham

But.... On to Batman?

Kingpin and other mob style/human level villains? Bruce wins against. Him, Vulture, Shocker, guys like that. Same with Doc Ock on most days (those days when Dan Slott isn't giving Otto god mode)

Kraven? Kraven is like Bane without the venom weakness. Bruce is getting hunted, exhausted and more than his back broken.

Sand Man and Hydro Man, and kinda Electro, would give him a LOT of problems. But problems he could handle, ones he could overcome. They'd be hard but he could do it

Venom? Carnage? Any Symbiote? Spider strength, spider speed, spider reflexes, spider sense, webbing, wall crawling. All of that, enhanced, alongside tentacle attacks and being able to turn invisible? Sorry, Bruce is dead. The only way he'd win is with fire and sonic attacks, but he'd need to know their weakness BEFORE the fight to do so. Which goes against this idea. But even if he didn't, symbiotes have fluctuated so much with what they can and can't take when it comes to fire and sonics that might not even work.

And Green Goblin?

....

Green Goblin?

Sure, let's give Joker enhanced strength and speed and all the tech he could ever want. Let's give him as much, if not more, money than Bruce Wayne. Let's make him vindictive, angry and petty instead of just a sadist jokester

...

Bruce is either dead or broken by the Goblin. He can't keep up physically, Norman matches if not exceeds his gadget usage, Norman plans just as if not more than Bruce and he is just as cruel and evil as Joker without anythig that makes him hold back for Batman

[normystical]

did i hit the post limit???? I've neer done that before it doesn't make sense.. it's like 2 am shouldn;t it be the start of a new day what?? But I can't post anythig unless i schedule.........

lol;; welll it's surprising how fast 500 (or whatever the number is) posts can go. you DO reblog a LOT, if anything im surprised it didnt happen to you sooner..

[havenesc]

What are your fave ships for Batfam/Jason?

Oh gosh.

I actually don't have any ship I'm like. Married to!! Which is wild because I have been writing for a (used to be) rarepair in jjk for like three years before coming back around to the old haunt of DC. I don't (currently lol) seek out ship fics, and never really did even like seven years ago when I was fresh into watching YJ. The big draw for the Batfam to me is their fucked up familial relationships. Could not say anything about my home life, obviously

Jason isn't a character I tend to think about when I want to read ships, but I think he's an honored disaster bisexual who can't tell if he wants to date all the lebsian-coded women in his life or be them. I will wholeheartedly admit I honestly don't know nearly enough about any of his suitors aside from what canonical interactions people have had with him in things like RHATO, which I know is not always the most accurate, well-written storyline for non-Jason characters (and, hell, sometimes even the man, the myth, the legend himself).

One of the things I want to work on in 2025 is just!! Reading other comics!! Familiarizing myself with things outside of current issues of Batman-centric stories!! Reading Young Justice from the 90s and Titans from the 70s/80s! I don't feel like I can ship much just bc... I need to know about both participants more before they start jumping each other's bones or helping each other do taxes dfdbGND

I do think on a surface "if I see it and find it endearing I'll reblog it" level, I can qualify superbat, clois, batcat, dickkory, dickroy, jaykyle, and timkon have all met those standards so far. I am neither closed off to anythig else nor is that a concrete list; if friends write or send me fic recs I'll read them, sure! I'll read pretty much anything at least once. I think the only exception is the brothers -- I don't care abt batcest on a moral high-horse level or whatever but it's not my tea lol

[queer-advice-hotline]

ii'm sorry i don't know if this is a rant or a call for advice but i just need to get my thoughts out

i'm a trans guy (17) trying to shop for new bras since i've had the same ones since i was like 12. they don't really fit and keep slipping and it's just super annoying at this point so i took it upon myself to get some new ones. the thing is, i hate bra shopping in the first place. my chest is probably one of the things i'm most dysphoric about. i'd even been making progress, learning to love myself and i've actually been looking in the mirror and not hating myself, but i feel like all these years of progress just got thrown out the window.

i've already ruled out going bra shopping irl, for multiple reasons including 1. i've already come out to my mom and she's not supportive and has just been trying to ignore that i'm trans so i'm 90% sure she'd be super feminizing in the process and it would just upset me (plus i can't drive just yet so i literally cannot leave the house without her and i'm not allowed to have a credit card) and 2. i could get one of my supportive siblings to take me but i'm terrified of the employees making it horribly dysphoric

so i attempted to do it myself. i finally got around to taking my measurements and it sucked and was super uncomfortable but whatever right? i got through it and that's all that matters. then i gound out based on the measurements that i'm a triple fucking D and that almost sent me spiraling into self hatred. but i pushed forward!!! whatever i need to do to just get this over with

so i went online to do some research into what build i want, wires or no wires, design, etc and just. everywhere i turn it just makes me fel worse and worse. "women's sports bras" "feminine, sexy fit" "lacy and delicate"

i really just want to lay down and cry for the rest of time because this is so fucking awful. all the designs are lacy and slim fit and wpuldn't even fucking fit me, much less support me and i fucking hate myself and i hate the stupid fucking bra industry and i want to give up on this stupid endeavor anyway

sorry to vent in your inbox actually i just either don't have any other trans men to rant to and the ones i do know don't have large chests or anythig and uhhhggggg sorry

No need to apologise, vents are very welcome, and I hope you’ve had some luck.

[suckmycolumboner]

I jsut accidently poored half my noodles down the sink, this must be a sign I can't do anythig and I need to kms

[nvrth1nk]

My sister said to our mom that I was cvtting, I've already posted this, but was very late so she went to sleep, but she talked with me the morning after.

So, yesterday, i was already awake when my mom started to get ready to go to work, and I had to get out of my room and she started talking. She pulled off the sleeve of my hoodie and she saw my arms and started asking why i was doing this. And staring at it, and i was so nervous because nobody actually talked with me about it, even if they saw it. I was almost laughing, idk why, i was so nervous and that situation was obviously terrible.

She said that I'll have to get help, and started apointing that, actually, the entire family needs professional help. And then she said that kinda thing. "You're so beautiful, so smart, the prettiest child i've bring to this world and you are doing this?". After, she went like "I know your problem is different from your sister's problem. But her anxiety has gone too far." Hmm okay so in one minute you get crazy asf because i am self h4rm1ng and the other second my sister has a big problem than I? I mean, i'm really REALLY glad my sister doesn't follow this way, I don't want this for her, nobody who suffer with sh would want someone they love getting trough this shit.

Back to my mom, she said more things like that i don't know how to live and I don't know anythig about life. And she's right, i guess. She started saying i was driving her crazy because of it.

Don't get me wrong, even though I know i have to talk with my mom and open myself to her while I still got time, It's hard. It's not like "i think my mom hate me so i wont talk with her." It's more like "my mom loves me, i know that, but she did something i cant forgive so i can't trust her" and this shit is the worst a person can feel around their own mother, im saying.

[mikeellee]

Fanon vs canon

Writing on my cellphone so...hm, bear with me. I've got experience in seeing the fandom cultures and know by now how popular fanon are regarded as canon even if they are against canon.

Sometimes I can partake in this. Especially if is about a character we like.

In MHA, its amazing how there few fanons that actually help Izu. Not saying it doesnt exist (people are free to still love and make dekusquad arts but well...Hori murder that for me) but in most the fanon is not helping Izu at all

"We need to explore quirkless discrimination"

Which many people dont want to admit how...quirkless discrimination is more "Izu being abused"

The fics with this tag...are usually the ones where Izu has to face extra shit "or you pau the rent or you die" situation. It's usually ONLY Izu who faces those situations.

Let me ask you smth: where was in canon quirkless being denied anythig? They can't be hero which ...makes sense. But show me quirkless being treated as less.

Let me ask smth else, if the whole concept of "people with strong quirk can do whatever" why this courtesy isnt offered to Izu? His quirk is powerful.

I tell you why...quirkless discrimination exists soley for Izu abuse. Am, while his past is still a mystery, doesnt seem a person who had a relatively happy childhood.

Izu was abused by BK not bc...he lack a quirk but bc BK is a sociopath. In his view, he thinks Izu looks down on him and that's it. Its his greenlight to make his life hell.

Fanon often shows Aldera as a hellhole where "we need to stone Izu, the quirkless" which makes 0 sense.

Like, if Aldera really has a massive hate boner with Izu for being quirkless...why Inko enroll her son there? I have issues with Inko but she does love Izu...so I find hard to believe she would enroll him in a "quirkless need to die" at all. Either she is evil or Aldera puts the best act in the world.

I go further and I think Aldera did healed Izu...when BK went after him. Again, not defending that school they have sins and should have consequences but like....I can see them healing the students (lets not forget bk's quirk could leave severe demages on Izu) unlike RG who is "if you dont stop breaking your bones...I will stop healing you"

Many fics put Aldera as a hellhole while put UA as the best....my ninja, my guy. UA is worse than Aldera. Aizawa is a bad teacher who has a wierd biases against Izu.

The Aldera senseis failed the students bc they let bk do whatever.

UA fails Izu and blames him. There's many criticism to read about Aizawa...the man shouldn't be a teacher...and also, no one points out but Aizawa is Hori stand in. Hori doesnt like Izu....

How and why Izu wants to be hero is unclear to this day.

"Why fanon sucks for Izu?"

Honestly, bc the mentality most have on Izu and his past is how....he has some blame. "He stalked bk" NO. He never did, it was the other way around. "He didnt train enough" he is training a lot, but Aizawa is not giving a fuck (he calls Izu lazy...like...huh?! And Izu saved him from Shig) and AM is suddenly too stupid to help. "He didnt ask help to his friends" WHAT FRIENDS? BC HE NEVER HAD ONE, HE DOES SEE CONIVENTS WITH BULLYING/ABUSE.

To conclude, canon and fanon in mha are equally bad in this story...bc most people seem to have a "victim blame" mentality towards Izu.

[pokemon-ash-aus]

Hey, so browser tumblr on my phone doesn't work bc it asks me to log in if I scroll for too long, but it won't actually let me log in and instead tries to ask me to make a new account, and I can't access your AU tags on mobile, do you know a fix?

Login before you start to scroll. Before you do anythig on your browser really. It saves the pain and heartache of it all.

[thehypnone]

What are your top 5 favorite ships that you write (and why)?

HELL YEAH LEMME GO INTO IT

1. Raindrop - because they are just so in love you can TASTE it, I love the traumatised ex water ghoul Dew with Rain filling the void water left in his poor broken heart and making him find himself again, feel safe and loved and I'm just AAAAAA

3. Swissraindrop - what I said with Raindrop just add Swiss into it. I love writing him and Rain soooo protective over their little traumatised bug and just so in love with each other, all of them, their energies just a perfect balance of everything

4. Rulti - writing Swiss as a dumbass in love just sooo crazy about Rain, he'll do ANYTHING, he's so down for them, and then there's Rain who's equally crazy but they just cover it up better, they don't miss the door because they're staring at Swiss (he does that with them). and I just LOOOOVE writing Swiss SOO far gone, out of his mind after Rain barely touched him, I love the wrecking

5. Dewther - they went through so much together, it's a deal package, Aether has seen so much of Dew, he knows him better than he does himself, and he can't bare even letting the gremlin out of his sight for an hour because the last time he did Dew ended up in that ritual chamber being transformed from water to fire and NO, AETHER WONT LET ANYTHIG HAPPEN TO HIS LITTLE FIREFLY EVER AGAIN

6. Dewfrit - there's just something about absolutely chaotic adhd golden retriever boyfriend with a clingy, relatively calm ghoul that water dew is, I can't explain it but I love their dynamics, at least how I hc them to be LMAO

[whatdoyouwanttobecalled]

I FUCKING HATE SOCIETY. WHY EVERYTHING IS ABOUT MAKING OTHERS HAPPY. "You'll have one teeth popping out and it will be ugly" FUCK IT WHAT IF I DON'T CARE. THIS TEETH IS NOT DOING ANYTHIG MALEFIC TO MY HEALTH SO LET IT BE. I DON'T FUCKING WANT TO GO THROUGH YEARS OF PAIN JUST TO HAVE PERFECT TEETH.

I fucking hate bodies man. My body is just... I have a really weird relationship with it. Cause I love my body the same way I despise it. I hate it in so many ways, I hate having a physical form to be bound to and that people, wheter that want it or not think certain things just because of my body and face. I hate the way my body makes me feel I am disgusted by it, principally genitals those are the most disgusting part of anyones bodies. I hate that I love my face. I think that I am gorgeous but I guess thats good right, but the thing is THIS FUCKING BODY IS NOT ME, SO I AM NOT THIS GORGEOUS PERSON THIS IS JUST THE SKIN THAT FOR LUCK I AM THE ONE WEARING. Not that I think that I am ugly or something like that but when I say that I think that my body is beautiful I am not talking about me I am talking about the body that I have that is a completely different entity then me. I feel fucking confident in it obviously. but it is not me and this is so fucking strange I hate that I cant think normally about that stuff, I hate that I am a pile of mess in my thoughts and that never once one of the things that I thought were the normal thing to think or feel I hate that I can't feel things that I should be feeling but in the and I love me and all those things are part of me so I guess not even that I have in common with the majority.

I am so devastated now for no fucking reason. Maybe I am just stressed =).

[cringelordofchaos]

ok thanks @sobeksewerrat now I'm having an existential crisis again lmao,.. (/lh also thanks for making me more self aware again ? )

list of things I do that MAY be associated with ADHD and or autism.

MAY,

I don't know if I have it, in not diagnosed and no one has professionally suggested I might have it.

I made a list to organize all my thoughts and I genuinely hate the fact that I'm oversharing shit online again bc i almost never think of consequences of my actions so idk if ke oversharing is bad or good and shit now I'm anxious.

ANYGAY.

Many of these traits are not exclusive to being neurodivergent at all, I'm aware o just wanted to share my experience

Either way it doesn't really matter. ADHD doesn't really get diagnosed here often. And not many specialize in it. So what do I know

List under the cut (it is probably going to be a bit long)

I possibly stim,

I chew things constantly for example, I used to chew my shirts so much a year or two ago and all my clothes had holes bc of that. It got so bad to the point of my mom buying me a fucking pacifier. I learned how to cope by just biting my tongue or just moving my mouth in general but it sometimes hurts not having anythig to bite. When I was really young, like in elementary school, I would bite and eat my own hair and would of fucking course cough bc of it. It was all an automatic involuntary actions. I also used to bite my arm to the point of it getting red. And would always bite my fingers to the point of them bleeding. I still do this, a lot actually, and it's very visible.,it's automatic and I hate it. It's like, I NEED to bite something right fuckinf now or I can't stay alive no more. It used to be worse, I would chew ANYTHING THAT WAS IN FROMT OF ME. I started a COLLECTION of chewed up pencils. Bc whenever they got near my mouth I would chew them. Which is BADDD IF YOU CAN XONTROL IT PLS DOJT DO THISSSS . I never did this because I was anxious or nervous, I just did it bc... I existed ?? Idk whenever I try to Google it up all the results say it's a sign of anxiety but for me it's just a symptom of existing). Whenever I feel anxious, (for example when I have to pass by a human being when getting to my apartment, and then they greet me and I greet them back but I feel like I did it incorrectly somehow and they hate me and think I'm incompetent/.>.gen), I flap my hands a lot (privately + primarily voluntarily) bc i feel just so much anxiety, I'm sure this is normal though. I also flap my hands a lot when I'm happy too. I do this moreso privately but sometimes it's a bit involuntary. When I'm really happy (usually about a wentoon lmao) I do a little dance and flap my hands and it actually feels pretty involuntary because if I DONT get up instantly and get into action it feels very suffocating. I pace around constantly, when thinking to myself I'll just walk In circle for long, sometimes I will just walk in a circle for literal hours. Usually I will move my hands in a weird motion . I rub my fingers against each other also to the point of visible and obvious injury. I don't know how to stop this. I constantly shake my leg though it's really common in neurotypical ppl so I should probably not be making a big deal out of this. There's probably more. Either way it's ,mostly harming to me lmao. But there's also the good in it ig

Okay actually it might take too long to organize everything and explain my whole life story so erm

I get distracted easily, or it's hard for me to pay attention to things I don't really care about, such as school (or moreso it's education system, since I can get actually pretty interested in private lessons) among other things. It's proven to be quite detrimental to me and my grades, to the point of me requiring multiple private classes to not fail a whole class, overall I'm just pretty much incapable of paying attention to stuff like that, but I'm pretty sure it's normal. And deficits in attention has been proven to be a result of modern day technology addiction among many youngsters, myself included, so I do not view this as necessary proof, especially seeing as I am actually capable of paying attention with good teachers in private lessons covering everything slowly enough. So yeah, essays over I am probably neurorypixal

either way

I get really obsessive over the things I'm interested in, I am not sure if they are hyperfixations but many times they get so genuinely intense they are the only thing I can think about. Genuinely. Once while trying to study history, for example, I just couldn't focus on learning history, not because it was uninteresting but because I was thinking of a fictional relationship (Roblox flicker mason x aadiv) and angst and fluff potential. I tried thinking Abt other things but I COULDNT. Also another short example: I once tried reading a book, and even though I could usually read it I just watched the finale of TMF and I literally could not NOT think about drew. just drew. I would try reading a sentence but then my brain would tell me how much I love drew. Goddamn it. This is a regular occurrence and has been proven to be detrimental to my life regarding it's real of my education. Focus on class? No, I can't, I'm trying to draw a symbol for a fictional religion me and my online friend made up. Focus on studying? No, k can't, I have to watch my favorite YouTuber or no, I can't, I have to daydream about being a YouTuber. These obsessions usually last a few weeks or months or so, so not too long, but usually for at least a week, to the point of it merely being mentioned gets me EXTREMELY hyped up. Sonic was probably my longest obsession, consistently lasting for about a year. If not flamingo (YouTube) who I was obsessed with for two years and based my whole personality off of back in the day. Sleep? No, I can't, I have to research neurodivegence. Hang the clothes? No, I can't, I have to pace around the room and think about the whole entire graspable depth of the relationship between Sean and daisy, as well as Sean's character alone and many implications surrounding his existence. I think y'all get the gist. Oh also I was once obsessed with TOH so much I literally knew so much Abt it and was so obsessed with it and if you gave me a line I could instantly tell you from which episode it was and I HUGELY related to Luz who's canonically neurodivergent and implied to have ADHD. This could all just me being passionate or obsessive thoug

Poor memory; I'm pretty sure this is the case buster, I lose things all the goddamn time it's actually traumatized me ti this point, losing a sharpener will get me having a whole breakdown screaming crying for an hour straight. Forgetting tests n stuff too, or forgetting ti check my to-do list Every . Single. Goddamn time.again this could probably stem from overuse of digital devices and electronics. So.

Oversensitivity to surroundings; aka possible sensory issues. I am pretty sensitive to noise, usually light too and smoke, and while I thought my reactions to surroundings were pretty normal (covering my ears, mouth, or squinting my eyes), upon observation I have noticed others do not do the things I do. Which is odd. How are they not suffering?? Anyway, sometimes I get overwhelmed so I etiehr try to ignore it or I escape. Literally. At times, things are louder and messier and more confusing and irritating. Also for food it's to a lesser degree but *lately* there's this food I forgot what it was called in English and chewing on it feels so utterly disgusting to the point where I'll cry bc the texture is just so extremely horrible and I literally spit it out of my window bc i didn't want my parents to see me not eating it. Bit then again I was able to eat the same food but bought from a different place, idk

Emotional disregulation; this could really just be me being a teenager, with hormones - you know how either you could have "two modes" you either feel like a GOD and everything is AMAZING or EVERYTHING IS HORRIBLE AND YOU WANT TO DIE?? Those extreme emotions?? Well, at least according to my kom, it's a pretty normal process of puberty, so I should probably not pay it much mind. This goes out to my "possible" rsd (I say possible bc like while I'm unsure for being nd, there's no fucking way I don't have rsd...) I get extremely, extremely sensitive when it comes to any form of treatment k get that I could perceive as rejection, and many times I avoid any form of social interactions just for the sake of not being rejected in the slightest. My friend called me stuojd as a joke without tone indicators? I WILL have a breakdown abt it and I WONT communicate it to my friend bc i don't wanna disappoint them or make them feel like it's their fault. I'm really insecure and probably feel this way due to my childhood. Though, feelings of emberassment guilt or rejection sre in most cases common due to natural instincts, y'know, we couldn't have survived without communities, which practically the modern day brain translates rejection = death. Except there's not a real physical threat. Yada yada y'all know Abt this. So I don't think this proves anything, it's just a natural instinct I suppose, though idk if many ppl experience it as often and strongly as I do or if they just never talk about it. Sometimes I will get the lightest criticism ever and I WILL cry Abt it unless it was absolutely clear it was a joke lmao. And I always feel like things are super targeted at me even when they're not. Ive had so much breakdowns over this it's not funny.

Sleep issues: I am writing this as 1 AM is approaching. Need I say more.

Physical hyperactivity: see "stimming" section. I can't exist without moving unless I am asleep.

Mental hyperactivity??: sometimes my brain will be so loud my ears will genuinely hurt, don't ask how this works I actually don't know, it's in a rarer occasion however.

Resting bitch face: I've had people ask me so, so so often if I was sad or okay or ANGRY when I was feeling completely neutral. And they always say how I look angry. But I don't get it. But whatevs. I guess it just comes naturally, idk why. Maybe everyone else has a resting bitch face too and they just never rest idkk

Fuck I'm doing the finger thing rn it hurts so goddamn much

Anyway

Executive dysfunction?? Sometimes I feel like I literally can't physically do stuff and it takes me a ton of effort to get into a shower and I cry each time for reasons unknown. Though ut could just be me being s teenager and yearning for feelings of independence and control bc it's a normal thing for ppl experiencing puberty. But then again I don't see anyone else being like me except my brother who's in elementary school

I have taken online quizzes, I KNOW ITS NOT A RELIABLE SOURCE AT ALL, I just took them to see the results and also bc i wanted to research neurodivegence more and on literally all the quizzes I took over the years, all the time (except once I think) I got "you probably have ADHD". I know it doesn't prove anything and online quizzes don't take ones life context into account but I feel as if it is a BIT worth noting?

Possible meltdowns ?? Idk. I don't want to make it seem like it's a lesser deal than it is bc it's not. But for example once I accidentally left bread crumbs on my bed and my mom got really anxious and started yelling at me a bit and I was crying and covered my ears and started SCREAMING and did not get over it for a while. I frequently experience (like every day or two) periods of time where I am just on the floor or in my bed extremely anxious sad and yelling over the most genuinely minor experiences

*Possible* intrusive thoughts - (TW VIOLENCE) whenever I think of an embarrassing or cringe memory when I feel like I somehow screwed up a tiny bit my mind instantly makes me think of me peeling off the skin off of my head and it bleeding, or my arm being chopped off into two parts. Many times I will look at the window and get anxious thinking what if I just threw my most prized possession through there. Also happened once when my mom was standing in front of it and my mind made me think "what if I yelled and she fell you would be a horrible person wouldn't you". Also I sometimes think of DISGUSTING sexual thoughts and they pop up randomly and I don't like it. Anyway I'm not sure if these r by definition intrusive thoughts but they're involuntary and annoying and correct me if I'm wrong

Comfort item - dude I used to bring this plushie everywhere with me for years until I stopped and just put him in a special place so he wouldn't accidentally get damaged. I literally could not live without holding him. Like some super emotional attachment. Sometimes I talk to him. I also realized that when I wasn't holding something in my hand my hands felt too empty and suddenly I had to move them in weird ways (see stimming section for reference) so maybe that's why

I don't have a special interest (smth I was UTTERLY OBSESSED W MULTIPLE YEARS) so ig that crosses out the possibility of me being autistic

I also constantly hc my fav characters as neurodiverse and hen proceed to self project onto them and I constantly daydream about making YouTube videos Abt the theories of them being neurodiverse. Idk why I brought this up

Weird (emotional) empathy ? If someone is crying in front of me I'll probably feel genuinely nothing but anxious bc i WANT to help them feel better but idk how to and other times I get super empathetic with fictional characters or people seen on screen. Idk why I feel like a terrible person for this sometimes. I'll also feel bad for Minecraft trees and having to cut them but that's sympathy not empathy. As for cognitive empathy though it's pretty normal and my mom has noted I'm pretty good at it ?

Genetics: my sister is probably questioning it and sorts acts like it and goes to a psychologist, my mom has said she thinks she might have ADHD once out loud, my brother also watches some YouTube videos Abt ADHD and has been to a psychologist once, none are diagnosed but many speculate it, coincidence? Unsure

That's all I can think of for now

Bye

God why did I post this erughhhhh

[pathologising]

can somebody tell me what weed smell like because I legitimately cannot smell weed <\3