#i can't be sad rn because then i will feel lonely and then i will miss people and they won't miss me and ill cry the gasping for breath
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girlivealwaysbean · 1 month ago
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on one hand completely ignoring your emotions is soo good for my mental stability and productivity but man i miss staring at the ceiling and listening to sad songs on loop
#idk if depression is the right word but yeah that author was right you become comfortable in your sadness you start loving it because#it becomes such a defining part of you#if i don't engage in any bad habits throughout the day i start to feel so uncomfortable and wrong and unfamiliar#that i crash and do something old me would've done again :(#the bounce back time has significantly improved tho so that's a relief#also lol who am i kidding pms will come soon im sure#but anyway#i physically can't listen to waiting room rn i listened to the opening notes and it was like#like a dam about to burst#so i just closed the gate very fast#i can't be sad rn because then i will feel lonely and then i will miss people and they won't miss me and ill cry the gasping for breath#i don't know what to do with this emptiness in the middle of my chest crying#man i hope this doesn't have any long term consequences#also i hope one day being good feels like me again and rotting in bed becomes unbearable again#i used to be so active like not physically but idk just like engaged with life more#curiously excitedly#well there's no going back now but i do hope i find a good balance#i was reading normal people and kinda rerealised that woah this sadness will always be a huge part of me. you only get#one childhood and. welp it got too real too relatable#i hope i don't turn out like her every self help book ive read says kids follow in their parents footsteps but god i hope not#this is why boys will always be so scary to me#future seems so bleak sometimes like not my 20s they'll be fire im sure but after that. am i even capable of being loved long term?#if the person who knew me the most well can move on from me in a flash. well then. i don't have anything more to give this is all#what has this post even become oh god. whatever. ill keep trying to be smarter first interesting second hopefully lovable will follow
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barrenwomb · 9 months ago
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What made you normal
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sapsolais · 1 year ago
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erenfox · 1 month ago
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RANKING SBG SHIPS BECAUSE LOKI GAVE US ALL FREE WILL 🗣🗣🗣🔥🔥🔥
Aidlyn/Ashden: good lord the chemistry. the 'he fell first but she fell harder' trope. the lil gestures by aiden. him annoying tf out of her but also becoming very caring when she's hurt. I'M SO CALM RN GUYS. and the fact that them ending up together is inevitable lmfao XD 9/10
Benlor: FUCKKK IM SERIOUSLY NOT OK THESE TWO ARE JUST SO PURE AND SWEET TO EACH OTHER. ESPECIALLY TAYLOR TOWARDS HIM, cuz he kinda suppresses his feelings and is a sad boi :( dw ben taylor's gonna make you feel happy again fosho lmao 😭 the lil blushing ben always does around taylor! her supporting his ideas even tho they flop! her helping him calm down from barron through music! her always cheering him up whenever he's gloomy! her being the first to thank him for opening up! THEY'RE LITERALLY THE DEFINITION OF SHE FELL FIRST BUT HE FELL HARDER! GOD IM SO NORMAL ABOUT THEM 😭😭😭 10/10
Tylenol/Tylo: i never thought of the prospect of them together, but post tumblr i must say its interesting. not just them being the single ones in the team, but i like the way tyler defended logan against barron, and his general protective aura around logan. but then again tyler was kinda rude to logan in the start. but then again it gives nerd x jock vibes which to me r pretty cool 5/10
Tyden: LMAO the continuous saga of them pissing tf out of each other. it would be fuckin hilarious if they somehow end up together. but apart from the general hilarious bickering, there's not too much to it 5/10
Tayden: goddamn their friendship is so precious!! her painting his nails? her carrying him on his shoulders in dat one artwork?PURE BESTIE VIBES they just match each other's freak lmfao. 8/10
Logden: meh there are not any significant moments between these two. would definitely be cute, but i can't see it happening lol 2/10
Loglor/Taygan: no but why can i actually see this happening lol. the way theyre both so gentle around each other! then the way she was the first to help him when he got slashed by the phantom? and also the way she stood up for him when tyler was being rude? Cute! 6/10
Benlyn: ooh the two quiet people of the gang! they could work out really well bcoz they definitely understand each other's struggles with muteness and phantom hearing respectively. plus that panel of ben braiding ashlyn's hair was so cute lmao :> 7/10
Loglyn: AAA they have sm potential!!! before the events of yk the whole ✨sAvAnNaH✨ mess, i feel like they wouldve been each other's only existing acquaintance they may call friends (ik it's not canon but it's very plausible lol) 6/10
Benlo/Logben: theyd definitely be good together, it's just that my sbg memory is failing to recall any significant moments b/w them ;-; if y'all remember pls do tell 4/10
Tyben: what is with the hernandez siblings always ending up being bens biggest supporters lmao XD it's a cute dynamic honestly 5/10
Taylyn: now this is one freakin adorable ship TvT. the way taylor always had a slight pang of concern for a friendless lonely ashlyn when they were kids? and the way they quite frankly became besties after enduring all the phantom world shit? very sweet lmao 7/10
Tylyn/Ashler: i have been usurped into the tylyn propaganda by @tragedry honestly I DO NOT COMPLAIN. like holy fuck they're so enemies to lovers! them "loathing" each other, fighting for leadership, but then immediately becoming possibly the biggest protectors of each other in times of danger??? extremely wholesome lmao i love them smmm 9/10
SO THE TOP SHIPS ARE:
3. TAYDEN (the crack ship) 😈🔥🥉
2. tie b/w TYLYN and AIDLYN (the wholesome ships) 😌👌🥈
1. BENLOR (THE PUREST SWEETEST MOST ADORABLE GOOFS EVERR I-) 🥺❤🥇
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ekpriyasi · 1 year ago
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𝗡𝗘𝗖𝗞 𝗞𝗜𝗦𝗦𝗘𝗦
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Pairing: Jungkook x reader
genre: yandere, best friend to lover, jungkook is a hotty, angst
warning: oc is sad and lonely
Summary : He loves bieng my friend, but he has girlfriend who he loves ....could this possibly change him from your close friend to a distant person.. And will that be able to change his habit of kissing your neck to seek comfort
A/n : I am just too nervous for part too... I changed oc from y/n to nari.But I hope you all like it please share your reviews on it
------------------☆♡☆☆♡---------------
𝙋𝙧𝙚𝙫𝙞𝙤𝙪𝙨:-
********************
It's been two weeks, he is still being cold. Now not even bothering to replying to her messages, not even her calls . She called him three times yesterday, two times today. And what did he do? Just shooed her away sending a quick " Busy rn call you later " but never calls
Nari scoffed felling tears dwelly up. Just sitting there on her bed for past 5 hour seeing her twelve years of friendship dying. And could do nothing. She wanted to meet him ask and ask why is he doing this to her, shout at him, nuzzle her face in his neck and cry until he gives the answer but she could not do it she felt defeated.
She messaged him that she wanted to hang out 'he said he is busy' . She asked him if she can come over and have some time together 'he said please not now' . He is just avoiding nari, it's more than evident.
Yuna , a good and close friend ( not more close than jungkook) who met nari met through jungkook himself. Even said that why were you running after someone who is not even willing to make things clear or even pushing you alway. Why can't you let things be.
She can not, she did'nt knew how to. From when she was nine and he was eleven , she have been with jungkook, they both have done everything together. She perfectly knew how to live with jungkook by her side but without him. She felt lost .
Every day seemed like months, she cried cried. Two weeks turned into three and still no word from him. He knew she that how shattered and broken this all was making her but he was keeping his quite.
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I knew there was a part of me that was selfish. I was being petty by hating and blaming Aeri. But would it be understood if I said that i loved him since the first day we met he was different from others. Always caring genuine, kind , good looking and most of all my best friend. I never wanted him to know this because I never wanted to lose him I was happy having him by my side as a friend.. Even if I knew he would leave me one day Or another.
I'm starting to wonder if this is really what being in love is. Being okay with ripping yourself to shreds, so the other person can stay whole.
I was always afraid the poison love would make me a monster, but what if trying to get rid of it makes me more of a monster than I was before., monster for loving my own best friend
But how could I stop falling for him. He was the only person who ever made me feel like I was the one worth protecting.
__________________________________
I have decided enough is enough , I will go to his place. This all is making me crazy. But this time I will go without telling him. So he won't have a reason to deny.
..
So here I am in front of his door ready . Ringing the bell sand waiting for him to open .
"Nari " he says with shocked expression, of course he did not expected me to be here. "Kook, hey" you say seeing him getting confused " Hi , why are you here".
You scoff "Of course I m here to talk but could you let me in ". He moves aside and you enter his visibily tidy and spacious apartment. That's one thing about jungkook you love the most that he loves to be clean arranged and tidy.
"You are avoiding me " You say with visibly tensed expressions."No I am not". " Yes you are, u are not replying to my messages , not picking my calls, and not even hanging out with me". You saying trying hard not to cry. "I not avoiding or ignoring you, it's just this month have been a busy one" He say nonchalantly.
"It's not the first time you were busy kook, there have been times when you were but you never ignored me then, and its much more than evident that there is something bothering you" Now you were crying. You don't know how to stop the tears , you feeling you are not able to breath, the pain in your heart and mind is now getting to much.
"No it's nothing nari , you are just making it a big issue".
"Is it something I did, or something I said " You say not being able to stop the tears "not everything in my life is about you nari". He knows his word are doing nothing but making you hurt more. His heart clenches seeing you cry, if the circumstances where different he would have kissed your tears away. But not know, no matter how much it hurts him seeing you so broken that to because of him , he can not hold you.
"I am just busy nari, we are not kids anymore, we have a lot of responsibilities now, I have more people in my life not just you, I can not be with you everytime or talk to you everytime. You are being a problem now ".
"Oh so I am a problem, and you want to get rid of me don't you ". Crack evident in your voice, you were now breathing heavily.
"Nari you making it a big deal, I didn't meant that "
"You know na kook, how much I hate fighting with you, you know how much this all is hurting me and still you are fooling me with your words .why? Why kook?. "
"Nari I think you should go it's getting dark . I need to go somewhere "
You knew there was no use of stretching this conversation now. He has just cut you off his life. You mind was clouded with all the emotions you were felling. You were shaking, it was getting hard every second to breath.
Jungkook noticed your state and held your hand. "Nari, you are shaking, talk to me ,you are fine ? ". You were just standing not able to speak. You yanked his hand away and started moving towards the main door
You held the door knob .and looked over your shoulder to see him him still standing there with some unrecognizable emotions in his eyes. “You're still wearing your bracelet ,It reminds me of a relationship that I don't want to lose. Kook" You said, more like pleaded. It was the bracelet you gifted him when you were eleven and you both promised to each other you will not leave each no matter what. He never removed that bracelet. And you wish he never do in future too.
Jungkook pov :
I felt as if someone is snatching my life from me. I wanted to hold her in my arms , tell her all the truth, calm her.
" Nari " She turned.
I moved towards her, and I don't what took over me and I wrapped my hands around her waist and my lips were met with the soft skin of her neck. This was not knew to us but kissing her neck knowing this would be the last time. I wanted to just do it forever. But this time she didn't moved her head back to give me more space instead she moved away from me. Hurt was in her eyes and I realized how much I fucked up.
Shooing her away one second and kissing her neck the other second. Kissing her neck was something i always did to show her affection and also to calm myself but doing it right now was not a great move it must have felt as if I was using her to calm my nerves as I always did.
She left as soon as she could, without even sparing me a last glance. Why would she, when I was the only one who was being an asshole and wanted her to leave ..
She is worth nothing less than stardust, but all I can give her is dirt..
𝙋𝙖𝙧𝙩3-:
Tagelist -:
@heyitsmehaneul ,@xonga
@theblueslytherin , @drqvn
@jjeonjjk7 , @hskahvd5 , @chaconnelatte , @talyaaas-blog
@ane102 , @hobabobas @kochycooky
Sorry if I missed someone out.. Tell me if so
https://www.tumblr.com/lilacjk/734611663154724864/%F0%9D%97%A1%F0%9D%97%98%F0%9D%97%96%F0%9D%97%9E-%F0%9D%97%9E%F0%9D%97%9C%F0%9D%97%A6%F0%9D%97%A6%F0%9D%97%98%F0%9D%97%A6
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webslingingslasher · 1 year ago
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Feelin sad rn could use some Peter cuddles. Not frat Peter. Not nerdy Peter. Just plain old Peter Parker.
sometimes you just need a hug ❤️
a deep ache settled in your chest, you couldn't place what it was. just an overall feeling of discomfort. it lugged at you all day, and you kept a brave face.
you didn't want to be the reason for someones bad mood, you didn't want to share your angst. you even felt so miserable you pretended to be asleep when peter got home.
laying in bed, it started to fester, you could feel the need to scream, or cry, or fight. that might be why you wanted to stay away from your boyfriend, you were scared you'd take it out on him.
misery loves company.
it felt like you were itching, only one thing could cure you right now. making a quiet escape from the bedroom, you sneak up on peter. he's at his most domestic, singing under his breath to a song softly playing, chopping vegetables with a pan heating on the stove.
he's taking care of you.
he tenses in your hold, just for a second. your arms wrapping tight around his front catching him off guard, you lent into his back and deflated with a breath you didn't know you were holding.
"good afternoon, sleeping beauty," you kiss the center of his back and press into him further, your words muffled. "i wasn't sleeping." peter gasps, "faker."
humming, you get even closer him. you tug, it makes him stumble back into you. "you alright back there?" because, while you're usually demanding with his touch, you're not often desperate.
"i don't wanna fight with you."
"well," peter chops up a carrot, "i don't want you to fight with me either."
"so i'm not going to."
an onion this time, "i'm loving our communication skills."
"but i feel like it, cause i need a hug."
your boyfriend slowly pulls your arms away from him, just far enough to turn around. peter cups your face and leans in, expecting a kiss you lift your head a little, but he barely skims your forehead instead.
a grumpy pout made him laugh, "give me a second, i'm trying not to burn the place down."
it's a lonely twenty seconds, then overwhelming warmth when you're tucked into a sturdy chest. a magnitude of negativity disappeared, everything you felt build throughout the day melted.
utter peace and comfort, no time or pain existed outside these arms. when you're in peter's hold, nothing can hurt you. not even your own mind.
"my girl doing okay?"
"i still wanna fight you."
you wheeze when peter squeezes you in, it's gladly welcomed.
"if i never let you go you can't fight me."
good, you weren't planning on leaving any time soon.

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primoppang · 6 months ago
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hi. hi. here to request. a little seungmin fluff where we are kind of lonely and sad and he reminds us that he’s always there : )
HI HONEY TY FOR BEING MY FIRST EVER REQUEST <3333 ily and seungie so I got u bby ◡̈ mwah ur the best ( ˘ ³˘)♡
warning: swearing is inevitable with me sorry ¯\_(˶′◡‵˶)_/¯, fluff, like gross amounts of it, seungmin says "this is so gay but..." because he cringes at showing affection but refuses to let you forget how he feels about you fr, he's a tsundere ok? ok. he licks your face(?) , one (1) kiss, he joking threatens to fight you, and mentions of self doubt and anxiety, angst if you blink but I think it's mostly fluffy... anyways! lmk if I missed anything!!!
WC: a little under 500 :D
AN: this is the first drabble I've ever done in bullet point format so just pls lmk how it goes??? Im super nervous I hope it's at least an easy read :(
so the first time he realizes that you're feeling lonely he slaps himself internally because how DARE he make you feel that way, but he's not home rn and can't show you physically so he comes up with a Plan™️
you're literally the light of his life
so he just >:(
but not at u
he just wants to make you feel happy and loved and safe
so he starts brainstorming
but he's naturally a menace
so when you're texting with him while he's working and you're being kinda short
because yk
u just feel :(
he just sighs and texts back
"look, please don't feel sad. I know this is pretty fucking gay but I love you."
which makes u giggle
because that's YOUR seungie that YOU know and love so much
<3
BUT whenever he's able to be physically with you and he can just feel your self doubt and anxiety creeping in and trying to swallow you, he once again uses his braincell.
so he just grabs ur hand
and leads u out of ur bed and to the living room
sits u down
and starts running around ur shared apartment grabbing every blanket and pillow that exists within the space
and I mean
E V E R Y. S I N G L E. O N E.
puppy zoomies moment hehe
and don't even think about trying to question him
he'll just say "shut up and wait while I set up a big ass fort for us to cuddle in, ok?? I love you but I wanna make u SEE THAT."
which u smile at
because him telling u to shut up
but then explaining why
and then also watching him move furniture and start building the fort, you tear up with happy tears
because???
:(
he's the sweetest and u love him so much
but when he hears u sniffle
he turns on Extra Puppy Mode™️
pops out from under some blankets and tackles you into the couch and holds your face
wiping ur tears
maybe even licked one because he's a freak and wanted to get a reaction
which u just squealed at bc wtf sir
but then he realizes
oh ur crying because ur so touched by this whole thing that he's doing
!!!
"... you dummy. stop crying... we gotta get snacks and stuff for our super awesome fort yk??? and you won't be able to see if you're cryi—"
you cut him off by giving him a little kiss on his pouty lips
as a silent thank you :(
which he realizes that oops maybe he got too serious and overwhelming
but you reassured him that you're just so glad to have him as your partner and best friend in one :(
"please just remember that I do love you, and I'm always here even if that brain of yours tells you otherwise, ok? or I'll have to fight you... affectionately."
and then he proceeds to smother you in kisses and cuddles :(
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allwormdiet · 3 months ago
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Tangle 6.9
I don't wanna deal with this parrrrrrrrrt
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Taylor. Taylor. I know you're getting desperate but come on. You can't write an email to the hero you and your friends publicly bodied on the same night that you did the bodying.
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Nobody's checking her on her shit. Nobody who she should theoretically be able to go to for advice is equipped for this, or even inclined to help her. Danny would try, I'm certain, but he'd be out of his depth. Emma might have been a grounding influence for Taylor once upon a time but, haha, that is no longer an option. School is worthless to her, and her new (only) friends are the ones who are doing the crimes she's involving herself in, not to mention that she became their friend with the intent to backstab them.
...I wish she'd just talk to her dad about this shit. Her refusal to even try and explain it to him feels like it's tangled up in something she can't even name or describe. He's the closest confidant she has at this point, and that's not saying much, but for fuck's sake it should be saying something.
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Fuck.
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Fucky fucker fucking fuck.
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You can't lie to someone you live with for that long about something that can be so easily fact-checked and expect to never get caught out. It's just not feasible.
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God this is so hard. She's trying to spare his feelings, she's trying to not pin any of this on him, and it's not working. The fact that she feels like she can't trust him means that he failed to be trustworthy to her, somewhere along the way, and she won't even acknowledge that. She won't even sit across the table from him to talk about this.
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Here's where Danny scuffs it, honestly. I'm not going to say he was even wrong to anticipate Taylor's avoidance, but hemming her in like this is only going to rile her up worse. I don't know what the right answer is. Breaks my heart.
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I don't think it's fair of Taylor to lump her dad in with the others who've hurt her, in no small part because. This hurt that Danny's feeling, the pain that makes her twist with guilt and frustration, was damage she caused by lying to him, by pushing him away. She's been so lonely for so long and the one person who could've been an ally, even an ineffectual one, is the one she's kept at arm's length throughout all of it.
Even the violence, even the kicking and the breaking, is just a way to avoid telling him anything.
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Just pull the bandage off, Taylor, please. Maybe the worst-case scenario happens but then you don't have to keep that poisonous cold lump inside of you. There's other reactions he could have, better ones. I don't think his love for you is conditional. I don't think
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Okay so this is almost the right decision she's making, here
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Yes! Be with your friends, make bonds that last, admit to yourself what you actually want
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God fucking dammit
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Straight up crying in the club rn
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Tell him! Oh my god please just tell him. Taylor for the love of god please just tell him
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Fuck
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Lisa's just a kid, too. As much as she pretends otherwise, as much as Danny wants to believe her.
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So. Fucking sad.
Current Thoughts
The Heberts break my goddamn heart.
Danny tried, but he pushed too hard when Taylor was already raw and accidentally put her in a defensive mindset, made her feel cornered, unsafe. And then when it came down to it, he still let her walk away. He let Lisa take her from him.
And Taylor. God. I wish she'd just let Danny support her. Even if he doesn't solve her problems, if she could just lean on him during the low times that could make such a difference. I think he could understand, maybe given time. He'd side with her before he'd side against her, no matter who was on the other side.
Another point of proof, I guess. Taylor's fate wasn't sealed from the beginning. It doesn't have to go the way that it goes. There were options, much as she can't see them.
And the roads not taken just make it hurt that much more.
Interlude next.
*sigh*
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maochira · 2 years ago
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hi hii! i LOVE ur siblings fics!! i once requested an older brother nagi fic ANS I LOVE IT SO MUCH THANK YOUU!! if its okay, can i request older brother nagi, bachira, rin, and isagi and younger sibling reader with parents who is always out for work?? so the reader gets lonely all by themself since their parents is out and they only have time with their brother after their brother go home from school? SO SORRY IF ITS TOO SPECIFIC OR IF THERES TOO MUCH CHARACTER!! you can just write nagi and bachira if its too much! (or you can add more if u want to!) sorry if this request is too long, you can ignore this if you want! anyways i love ur works a lot so thank you so much! i hope you keep enjoying writing :D
Honestly, I love long and specific requests especially with multiple characters because it's just fun to interpret the same situation in different ways, so I've decided to add Barou as well because the big bro Barou brainrot is strong rn <3 also, thank you very much!! I'm glad you enjoyed the big bro Nagi headcanons!!
Characters: Nagi, Bachira, Rin, Isagi, Barou
Requests open - current writing event - masterlist
Tags: gn!younger sibling!reader, sibling fluff, reader is around 2 years younger than the older sibling
Seishirou Nagi (additionally: big bro Nagi after a fight headcanons/scenario)
-because your parents travel all the time, you and Seishirou live alone together
-he definitely takes better care of you than he does of himself. For example, he's too lazy to eat and he also doesn't do a lot of his homework on time because he procrastinates so much. But when it comes to you, he always checks if you've eaten enough and if you're meeting all your deadlines regarding school
-Seishirou doesn't like cooking. It takes too much effort. And because you don't want him to starve or order takeout all the time (it's expensive and leaves you with a lot of trash), you learn how to cook so you can make all the meals
-even though eating is too much of a hassle for your big brother, he always eats whatever you make for him, since he knows you put a lot of effort into it
Meguru Bachira
-Meguru is energetic all the time, no matter how much time he's spent in school or how much homework he had to do, if he gets to spend time with you, all his energy returns!
-the house never feels lonely, even if it's just the both of you. Meguru loves being around you and never runs out of things to talk about
-sometimes you're tired and don't feel like talking. That's when either Meguru does all the talking and you just listen, or you sit together in the living room in silence, watching some random movie
-it's very rare for you to be in separate rooms. You don't mind being alone, but Meguru always gets afraid of you getting sad, so he tries to be around you all the time. In case you really want to be alone, he will definitely let you have your private time and either play soccer outside or return to his own room
Rin Itoshi (additionally: Itoshi siblings masterlist)
-Rin doesn't like being around people, you're the only exception to that. He's not around you all the time, but he checks on you fairly often and asks if you need help with anything very often
-even if you don't need his help, you often pretend like you can't do your homework on your own, so he can help you with it
-since Sae left and because your parents are out of the house so much, you and Rin have a very close emotional bond
-Rin isn't the middle child anymore, he's the big brother now, so he definitely acts like it. He gets overprotective a lot. He always wants you to tell him about your day and if anyone in school was mean to you
-even though your parents are gone almost all of the time, you don't remember ever feeling lonely at home, thanks to Rin
-you know even when Rin isn't in the same room as you, you just have to call for him or knock on his door, and he'll be right with you
Yoichi Isagi
-Yoichi takes a lot of responsibility when it comes to you. He does more than he needs to, but it doesn't bother him at all
-your parents sometimes joke about him being almost motherly towards you. And actually, that's true
-even though you're only two years younger, Yoichi tends to treat you as if you were a lot younger. He's very stuck in his position as a big brother, especially since he's alone at home with you so much. To him, as soon as he gets home from school, making sure you're okay is his main responsibility
-you do a lot of things together, like sharing your chores and sitting at the dining table to do your homework. Being in each other's company makes the absence of your parents more bearable
-talking with Yoichi is a lot of fun! He talks a lot about soccer and you talk a lot about what you're into. But sometimes you talk so much, you forget the time and suddenly you hear your parents being back home, which means it's already late at night
Shouei Barou
-as soon as it's only you and him in the house, he goes full parent mode
-don't worry about your chores, Shouei will do them. That's actually because he thinks you don't clean well enough, but he makes you believe he doesn't want you to do extra work after an exhausting day in school
-sometimes you have to remind him he's your brother and not your parent. As soon as you get into trouble with something, he starts holding speeches about why what you did was wrong. One time he even tried to ground you, but him even attempting that made you laugh so hard he couldn't be serious about it anymore either
-you think you're too old for it, but Shouei insists on tucking you into bed every night. He wants to make sure you get into bed at a decent time to get enough sleep
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octahedral-chaos · 6 days ago
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Very late night vent of sorts but... idk why but I'm feeling sad rn
Specifically, in regards to my roleplay blogs.
Like, I want to roleplay again, I want to finish up all the drafts I have, yet I... can't.
Is it because I feel pretty lonely because most of my RP moots aren't around anymore? Is it because I don't know how to find new peeps to roleplay with who are actually willing to roleplay with me? Is it because I just feel overwhelmed with the amount of drafts I have across the blogs?
I don't know. I genuinely don't know. Like I feel lonely now and I just... I don't know how to remedy it... maybe writing out the drafts and posting them would work, even if I won't get responses for them. Maybe I could throw out some Starter calls and stuff but... would anyone be interested in roleplaying with me? Like all my calls get ignored and...
I don't really know where I'm going with this. I should probably go to bed.
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gingerjolover · 1 year ago
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josette blurb idea!! a fluffy one where they've been touring for a while and starting miss their partner
everyone has been on a jo kick lately and im living for it!!!
jo gives me the vibe that they are goofy to a fault, like even if they are missing you, you never worry too much because they're always answering the phone with a big smile and wide eyes, "hi baby!!!" or "babe!" just very animated and lovely and cute.
but even after a while, bc we know... muna be booking rn, jo starts to get a little tired, starts missing home just a little more than usual, really misses the mundane routines that y'all have but tries to put on a brave face.
maybe this is when katie, jo, and noami all have colds (i wrote a naomi mini fic based on this) and jo is just really going through it. they are all separated in their own rooms bc sick :( and josette just feels very lonely and wants nothing more than to be in bed with you and have you tickle their back and do a face mask and lay chest to chest just looking at each other (thinking about this makes me want to crawl into a hole i need them)
so you get the phone call, you know they're not feeling well but jo just sounds so sad and you hate it. you're curled up in bed, switching to facetime to see your partner (who looks so cute when they're sick) who's just frowning and all sniffly. the smallest and least animated "i miss you so much" comes out of jo and it makes you want to throw yourself across the country and into their bed because how tf is Jo so cute and so needy and you're not even there to comfort them.
"baby" you say pouting and jo just sighs, so soft and tired and you're tempted to hop on a flight right now because your partner needs you.
"if you don't come visit soon I'm going to go crazy, can we...please figure this out," jo asks desperately.
"let me ask if anyone can watch bleu," you respond biting your lip, and jo is nodding along, holding back tears, because yes you can't just abandon your fur baby so jo is sniffling, avoiding eye contact. "how about i see if your family can watch him and then i'll text franki," you suggest and an hour later jo is half asleep, high on nyquil but you've got a flight for tomorrow night to whichever city jo is in this week and a smile is finally reappearing on their face.
"i love you so much," jo is whispering, ready to pass out and you're just smiling, blowing a kiss at them before falling asleep on facetime with one another:(
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fictionkinfessions · 4 months ago
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so this Book Of Bill thing came out I guess and now there's a billion Gravity Falls kins crawling out of the woodwork rn; that's fine, that's cool
lots of people are gonna find out they don't like Bill, that's also fine. I'm a villainkin, I'm aware people aren't gonna like...that.
but what little context I've gotten through the book about Bill's backstory is very rough. it makes me sad. and I feel really bad asking for some form of comfort or something; like...nobody wants to hear or see anything from me because I'm Bill, so I guess I'll just suck it up
I never thought about those kinds of things before now. now that they're literally everywhere, I can't stop thinking about them. how am I supposed to not feel upset all the time now?
-a lonely dorito god
x
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my-own-walker · 1 year ago
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the jpm angst i'd like would have to be something about the reader leaving him ORRRRR james ( or the reader ) cheating? idk just some ideas!! <3
Not Strong Enough
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note: sorry this took a sec! i am So Sleepy all the time rn
warnings: angst, talks of death and dying, feeling trapped in a relationship, JPM abandonment issues, sad themes of breaking up/leaving someone
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In the midst of life, we are in death. We see all who pass into the dwelling of death, never believing that we too, one day, will follow. We will all go with them and we have no control over when it may happen. But in special cases, we do.
We make small and big decisions every day that prolong our lives. We eat and drink because we choose to live. There are rules against driving under the influence and certain drugs because we want to live. Entire studies are done trying to find the secret to the longest life possible. We, at any time, have the power to make ourselves follow the others into the shadowy realm of death, yet we don't.
Why? It's uncertainty. We don't know what comes next. Life is far too precious to simply throw away, right? No one knows what comes next. Or if anything comes next. But I did.
I did. At least for the ghosts of the Hotel Cortez. The long-term residents, as they sometimes called themselves. They got to live on. And for some time, it gave me a strange sense of home.
When James and I began our relationship, he kept me on a short leash. I knew the truth all along. He was dead, eternally living in his state, bound to the very place he built. It seemed lonely. He wanted me to be in the hotel as much as humanly possible so that I could be with him. I moved into his suite.
All of this, though, to get me used to the place. I was kept from seeing the world so that I wouldn't miss it when he decided to finally kill me. Bound to him forever. Mates until our souls float off.
I knew what death would be for me. And I wanted so badly to do it for him. I loved him so much that I was willing to decide to shuffle off this mortal coil and into the forever purgatory of the hotel. But it simply became too much to bear. For, I had a family. A life before James. A love for meadows and trees and fresh-picked tulips. Running my hands along sun-bathed painted wood and cute wild animals.
In my time away from the hotel, that is where I would go. Anywhere with nature, untouched by man, touched by the beauty of flora and fauna staking their claim.
I couldn't make that decision. I couldn't die for him. I was not strong enough to be able to live, but not fully. See the world but through musty windows and the stories of passing guests.
James and I had dinner together every night. I sat across from him and dreamed of our life together. That began to fade, though. Rationality kicked in. The rose-colored glasses I had been seeing him through shattered. He loved me, but he wanted to control me. It was too much to bear.
+
I looked at him through the flames of the candles in the center of the table. He was looking down, eyes focused intensely on the task at hand. His brow was furrowed. He held a cigarette between his teeth and his silver lighter in his hand. It reflected the flickering lights of the flames onto the ceiling as he wielded it.
It made me sad to think that this would be the last time I would be doing this with him. I still loved him. But it made me even more sad to remember why it all had to stop. James took his first drag and puffed the smoke up into the air.
'You look unwell, dear,' he spoke, looking at me through his brow. 'Is everything alright?'
'Not exactly,' I muttered, casting my gaze down.
'Whatever is the matter?' he pried, sitting forward slightly in his chair.
'I'm not entirely sure how to say this,' I began, 'but, I'll be forthright with it. This is no longer working for me, James.'
'What isn't working for you?' he asked in reply.
'This,' I gestured grandly. 'All of this. I know what you want from me, and I love you, I do. But, I can't live like this. I need to leave.'
A dark expression came over his face. Then, one of sadness. He sat back in his chair and looked down at the table, flipping his lighter in his fingers, then tapping the table with it.
'I know you can make me stay,' I continued. 'You make this problem go away by killing me right now, but that's not what I want. And I have to trust that you'll respect my wishes.' I wasn't scared of him. He had told me time and time again that he only wanted what was best for me.
James looked like he was weighing his options. He didn't speak for a while, didn't even look up to meet my eyes.
'You are the love of my life, Y/N,' he said, finally. His voice cracked, and when he looked up at me, there were tears in his eyes. 'You cannot leave me.'
I stood and walked to his side of the table. James' eyes tracked me as I walked across the space. I stood just next to him, looking down at his crying form. I had never seen him like this. Without thinking, I wrapped my arms around his head and pulled him into my chest. It was an embrace we both needed.
He sniffled into me, burying his head into my dress.
'My love,' I cooed.
'I know what I need to do, but I can't do it,' he cried.
My stomach dropped. His intent was to kill me. My mind raced with ideas of ways to escape without him finding me. I separated myself from him and began to back away calmly.
'I need to let you go,' he uttered up at me. He stood and smoothed the front of his suit, then rubbed his eyes. 'I don't know why I am the way I am.
'Wh-what?' I stammered, steeling myself where I was standing. Was this a trick?
He stepped toward me and placed a hand on my cheek. 'I have a sick need to kill, and a sick need to control people. I love you too much to hurt you,' he explained lowly. 'I can't condemn you to a life like mine.'
Tears sprang to my eyes. I couldn't believe what was happening. I wanted him. I wanted to be with him and love him forever. But that simply wasn't in the cards for the dead man and the girl who loved life and living.
'James,' I whispered. He pulled me into a tight embrace. The cradling kind that enveloped me in his warmth. 'I'm sorry,' I spoke into his chest.
'There is no need for apologies, dearest. I understand,' he murmured. He pulled back and held me at arm's length, taking me in one last time. 'Go.' He placed a kiss on my forehead and let go of me.
'I love you,' I said before turning away to walk out.
'I love you too,' he replied, his voice breaking yet again. 'And, Y/N?' I spun on my heel to face him. 'Don't ever come back here. I won't be able to control myself. Just, don't forget about me.'
I didn't answer. instead, I walked out of his suite's door, into the hallway, then into the elevator, and out of the lobby. As I stepped into the sunlight, I couldn't help but feel like I made the right decision. But a nagging feeling missed James more than I could handle.
+++
Don't you love when I wax poetic in my posts? I get so silly goofy talking about life and death all deep-like. LOLZ
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will80sbyers · 1 year ago
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I don't know. I feel like you lost your hope that byler will be endgame in season 5? I feel like you lost your natural joy in general. I can feel that in the way you write your tells. You seem less dynamic,less happy to be here. It's not a criticism at all, just something I've personally noticed so I wondered if you are doing okay rn.
I'm sorry that I've not been as joyful :(
I'm still sick and don't have much energy these days so it could be part of that too, but yeah I'm not as confident in byler as I was after all of these news, the revelations about the play made me lose hope in a good storyline in general because if they don't care even about the supernatural story why would they make a good story for the characters and not one that can "shock" the audiences and that's it
Do they really care about the details of the story if they change big things this easily just for convenience? Was all the foreshadowing we found just a coincidence or are we misreading things? Maybe they think putting it only because Will is in love with Mike is a good idea even if they don't plan on making them endgame?
Maybe the rainbows were all because of this rainbow operation ship thing of the play and not much about the gay coding? I don't even know anymore.
Do they even care about the themes they presented previously after seeing that they don't even stand up for the innocent Palestinians and don't recognize a state that's acting as an oppressor in the real world? That's also what I'm asking myself about them as a team of writers and as people
I know they don't have to say things but they did for other occasions... that whole speech David made was just a spectacle and not the principles of the people involved in the show?
I loved this show because it seemed like they wanted to convey a message that they aren't upholding outside of it now so why would they uphold it in the finale of the show
and in general outside of stranger things the situation around the world is fucked up and I've been sad for that too, watching the graphic videos I've seen this month impacted me, watching people I care about not care at all also impacted my view of them and it feels lonely irl like I don't have friends because we are too different in basic values, and I was already depressed for other things in my life outside of all of this going back to Italy to my old life was depressing, having to live with my parents again makes me in a bad mood every single day because of how they talk to me
Also the whole fandom seems dead anyway, people have decided to leave stranger things because of what the actors and Ross did (which is completely valid) so there isn't even much to interact with in my dash at least
I'm sorry that I can't find a way to be more happy but it's just not a good period at all for me... I hope to find back my passion for the show and the fandom when they start filming, I'm just really afraid that my favourite character will be mistreated again in the end and I'm not sure about what they think will be a good "happy" ending at the moment
In general I think that even starting from a place where I didn't expect too much from them I may have highly overestimated their writing and maybe the redditors are right and stranger things will end up being that type of shitty (imo) story "the 80s nostalgia straight show" that they want
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professional-bulshitter · 1 year ago
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palm springs starring Andy Samberg and Cristin milioti is such a great movie example of,
she's everything. he's just Ken.
and, and hits just the right spot between barbie (the movie by Greta gerwig) and Good Omens (the queer angel demon book turned show) (if this doesn't makes sense rn gimne a min I'll explain,,,
so this man (Nyles) has been stuck in a time loop for the longest time ever and he just takes it yk? like he's having a shitty ass life rn,, he makes a friend who wants to kill him, his gf is cheating on him, he's stuck on the day of the marriage of two people he doesn't particularly care or like and he's just having a bad time overall yk?? so he's just accepting of his fate and is just accepting of the sheer hopelessness of life and meaninglessness of his every action
and then, and then, comes our main female protagonist (Sarah) who's dealing with the consequences of her shitty choices, she's absolutely miserable at her own sister's wedding because she's slept with her fiance and she's considered a fuck up by everyone and her past is just fucking her up constantly and all that right?? and suddenly she mistakenly becomes a part of the time loop and now he has another person with him, she's not lonely anymore but she wants to escape it and they're having fun, feeling nice together and all that, and then she finds that the other mc lied to her and it's devastating ofc it is
and the way they behave is what I'm talking about concerning barbie and ken,,, because as soon as she leaves, the man Nyles is inconsolable, he tries to find her, goes mad doing everything in his capacity to find her, tries ways to kill himself just to find her again and that's it?? cause he's sorta grieving what they could've been and how he fucked up and all that,,,
but her, she goes and learns physics. like tf? every time the loop resets, she goes and sits at a cafe and learns quantum physics and figures a way out and experiments her way through it (is it a little convenient and far fetched that she could learn it this easily? with no previous background in it or anything else we know of? ofc yes? but is the suspension of disbelief similar to that in a barbie movie?? yk the answer is a yes 🤷‍♀️) and then she comes back with a way to get them both out of the situation that they are technically in because of him while he mopes around in the background waiting for her
the good omens thingy is the one that happens in the ending of season 2 wherein both Aziraphale and Crowley want to be together, but the way and the place they want to do it at is very different (gross simplification but essentially),,, and in palm springs (a movie that I watched for funsies and wasn't supposed to write this about) they both are essentially in a similar situation with Nyles wanting to be together w her but in the loop while she wants them to get out of it together and figure it out yk,,, it's also a nicer version of that conflict as they do end up agreeing on doing one of these things together rather than seperating (temporarily but still,, unlike some celestial beings 👀)
and yeah. that's it ig
PS,,, ik I'm talking about three movies here to get the full context of this but like it fits?! and I can't help it. (emphatic period and not an exclamation mark because I'm not desperate)
PPS,,, side note I feel so sad for tala (Camila mendes's character because she's like the only not shitty(ish) character out of all of them who ends up being married to a mf cheater who cheated on her a day before their wedding with! HER! FUCKING! SISTER! (AGAIN A DAY BEFORE THEIR WEDDING!)
PPPS,,, that's just the way I understand it and all of these movies together but yea,,, also it's fun to see men being 'rescued' and essentially just existing characters in place of women (but that could be just me 🤷‍♀️)
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brandwhorestarscream · 1 year ago
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Cybermorph au( Armada)
What if we change the "dead" to "badly injured"? I saw some fans do this
The result would still be Megatron having a reality check with what happened
I'm sad and cranky rn so I'm taking it out on Starscream
I don't remember all the exact details of his death but I do know he's generally hailed as a martyr. Sacrificed himself for the greater good and all that. I'm gonna twist it juuust a bit: he has every intention to die and not just because he thinks it's a necessity. That is part of it, yes, but I like to imagine all the countless years of utter-indifference-to-downright-cruelty from Megatron has made it so he just... doesn't want to be alive anymore. He's a nuisance, an unwanted mistake: he's never done anything to help his hive and his carrier doesn't seem to love him at all. He's tolerated only because their species is already critically endangered. He's a bad morph. He's cripplingly lonely and sad. Cybermorphs are social creatures that need bonds to be healthy, and Starscream just. Doesn't have it. His mental state has spiralled out of control and has finally manifested in the ultimate amalgamation of self loathing and isolation: suicidal ideation.
He's eager--no, desperate--for the pain to finally end. And deep down, more than anything, he hopes dying to save everyone will finally, finally, earn him his carrier's pride and maybe some of his love. It's all he wants. All he's ever wanted.
He's gotten really good at filtering out his own thoughts from the hivemind over the years. Doesn't want to burden them with his angst. But as he's about to throw himself into the metaphorical fire, his filters crack and then dissolve all together: he wants them to know they won't have to tolerate him anymore, and that he's doing it for them. For him. He truly, genuinely hopes this will make his carrier happy.
Megatron suddenly freezes during his final stand off with Optimus. Prime manages to get a hit in and sends him skidding back, but notices the cybermorph queen isn't really looking at him anymore. His face has gone slack, optics wide and horrified, then he promptly turns on a dime and takes off like a bat out of hell, bellowing Starscream's name.
It's too late, though. He can't stop his foolish little morphling even with his most powerful and desperate command as the queen.
He arrives just in time to see him drop, collapsing limp and charred and terrifyingly still, his presnece from the hivemind gone and sparkpulse so faint he seems doomed to blip out before Megatron can even get his hands on him. I'm headcannoning this scene to be similar to the frozen river in Wolf Children--desperate and regretful mother shaking him, hysterical and panicking, begging him to wake up and open his optics. Megatron's lost morphlings before, so, so many before, but not like this. Never like this. They all died at the hands of the autobots, be it in battle or during the early war nest raids. This is new, this is fresh, a special kind of grief and terror he's never been subjected to before. His very last morphling just tried to kill himself. He's shocked. He's horrified. He doesn't know what to do.
Through the power of fanfic and extremely resilient cybermorphs bodies, Starscream survives, but barely. He's in a coma for several decacycles after the fact. There's extensive bodywork to put him back together and stabilize him, but he's still in critical condition. While he's unconscious, he doesn't dream. He doesn't hear anything of the outside world. There's no sensation, no feeling, no nothing. Just the abyss.
When he finally reawakens, he's very disoriented. So stiff he can't even bend his fingers at first, optics open a single micrometer and flinching against even the low light of his recovery chamber. Everything hurts. Everything. Ventilating hurts. Blinking hurts. Trying to turn his neck to look around hurts. Tears bubble up in his optics and he starts very softly sobbing, in agony and disappointed in himself all at once.
What will the queen say? He's going to be in so much trouble. How can he be such a failure that he can't even die properly?! Did they win? Are they safe? He doesn't remember, he doesn't know-
Anxiety and panic bloom in his chassis and he's about 2 seconds away from a whole ass nervous breakdown in his hospital bed.
Then, suddenly, the door opens
His helm jerks to the side to look and white hot pain flares throughout his entire body, lacing down his main spinal strut and setting fire to every single nerve ending and sensory diode in his body. It's too much and he's helpless to stop himself from crying harder, especially when he sees who's just arrived.
The cybermorph queen himself has arrived and Starscream flinches back, trying so hard to cower away from him but his body won't move the way he wants it to, he's so stiff and it hurts so bad and oh stars Megatron's going to kill him for this-
He's expecting a lot of things. For his carrier to yell at him. To ream him the worst he's ever experienced. To be banished from the hive for being so reckless and stupid, or to just be eaten for his transgression. The cybermorphs have never been cannibalistic before, but he wouldn't be surprised if that was deemed a fitting punishment for royally screwing up as much as he has. He's expecting to be ridiculed, hated, screamed at.
He's expecting anything, honestly, aside from what happens. He is in no way shape or form expecting his carrier to cross the room in a single second and throw all 4 arms around him (I uh. Recently found out xenomorph queens have 4 arms. Didn't notice that until 2 days ago. Whoops)
Starscream gasps, shock pulsing through his entire body. He's never been held like this before, never been held at all: his secondary arms are both grasping at his shoulders, holding him close. Main arms have one wrapped around his back, the other cradling his helm and tucking his face close against the queen's chassis.
He's trilling, chirping, blubbering in cybermorph speak. My Starscream, my little morph, I'm so sorry, forgive your foolish carrier for not realizing how you felt. I'm so glad you're alright, I don't know what I'd do if I lost you, but you're safe now. You're ok.
The first time he's ever been held by his carrier. The first time he's ever been spoken to so gently. The first time he's ever been told that he is loved. He doesn't have it in him to be angry, or to feel betrayed: he's so exhausted and in so much agonizing pain, all he can do is melt into the warm embrace and cry. It's the sort of crying wherein every sound is visceral, wet and painful, pouring out every bit of loneliness and devestation and every horrible thing he's had to endure over the years. He clings on, desperately, to Megatron's frame, begging him to say it again. To swear it to be true, that it's really over, that he's never going to have to feel like this again. The queen promises it easily, and holds him tight enough to dent the entire time. Purring at his last remaining morphling, swearing to protect and properly love him forever going forward. Maybe Starscream's connection to the emotional hivemind was weak, maybe it had grown numb in war, but he'd never been privvy to these feelings before. Megatron blames himself and vows to never, ever allow these mistakes to repeat.
...
I'm gonna cut this here cuz it's getting long and I'm tired. This may be exceptionally ooc but I really can't be hecked to care. If you want a follow up of this, uhhh just ask. If you have more thoughts, send em. Im going back to bed lmfao
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