#i can’t lie tho they were ENTERTAINING

[byerscoops]

me in 2022 watching will byers get outed to everyone in the ‘gacha reaction room’

[danielnelsen]

there’s so much i wanna do this week/month/etc but i’m just too sick, i have no energy, i can’t sleep, i’m constantly nauseous and headachey and on the verge of a migraine, i’m stressed and irritable and impatient and panicky…….how tf did i survive nearly 5 years of high school untreated if i can’t even manage this when i don’t have any major obligations rn

[flamingtouya]

𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤 𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐩 (𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐨 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐞) —

pairing: dabi + f!reader

word count: 4381

cw: getting to know each other (against your better intuition), flirting, bad flirting,some explicit language but nothing too bad, no quirk AU, dabi commits a crime or two

summary: In which Dabi meant to text Toga instead of a random stranger. But these things happen, and you were never one to shy away from troublesome men. This whole thing is told entirely through text messages.

a/n: check out my AO3 for different formatting! :)

Mar 02  10:07 PM

Unknown: Grab bleach while you’re out Unknown: And paper towels

You: who is this??

Unknown: So funny

You: u got the wrong number my guy 

Unknown: Shit Unknown: You don’t happen to have some bleach at your disposal rn? 

You: try the convenience store You: where’s the body at, anyways

Unknown: Ohara street by the fitness park, you should come check it out

You: sounds enticing You: i’ve always wanted to be on a true crime podcast

You: sort of expected myself to be the alive one though

Unknown: I was taught that women tend to be smart about stranger danger and stuff Unknown: You're out to prove me wrong

You: how’d you know i’m a woman? 🤨

Unknown: U sound cute Unknown: And men don’t listen to true crime

You: that’s so sexist You: and correct You: you'd do numbers on reddit

Mar 03 00:16 AM

You: hey don’t leave now

Mar 03 00:34 AM

Unknown: Had a body to take care of

You: you didn’t wait for me? :(

Unknown: … Unknown: Are u fr

You: ofc not You: i don’t hang out with edgelords

Unknown: Whatever u r probably boring anyways

You: entertaining enough for u to keep texting me

Unknown: We all have our moments of weakness 

Mar 03 01:09 AM

Unknown: So wyd

You: you don’t have anybody else to bother?

Unknown: I do Unknown: I want to bother you tho

You: damn, what’d i do to deserve this

Unknown: Is that a complaint

You: i have uni tomorrow and ur buzzing keeps waking me up

Unknown: Mute your phone, stupid 

You: can’t mute unknown numbers

Unknown: Save this one then Unknown: Or block me idc

You: what name should i put it under

Unknown: Dabi 

You: lmao i knew you were an edgelord

Dabi: Stfu

You: good night to you too

Mar 03  07:58 AM

You: fuck

Mar 03 3:56 PM

Dabi: Did you miss me that bad 

Mar 03 4:32 PM

You: i overslept and am blaming you entirely

Mar 03 5:19 PM 

Dabi: Sucks to be a useful member to society

You: why what do you do

Dabi: I'm actually a bit of a part-time freelancer, you regular uni folk just wouldn't get it

You: freelancing around ohara at 1 in the morning sounds like the truly fulfilling purpose we all long for You: did you just get up

Dabi: Hey now  Dabi: Yes  Dabi: I’m still in bed technically, looking at the ceiling fan is so interesting when I don't want to move a muscle

You: you are everything I am jealous of

Dabi: I promise you it’s not that good 

You: first time a guy’s been honest right away. i applaud u

Dabi: Omg no way 

Mar 03 5:40 PM

You: no way what

Dabi: No way you said something witty 

Dabi: Maybe you’re fun after all

You: i’ll have u know that deep down, i’m just a fragile being trying to make it thru this bitch of a world, running on fumes and caffeine all while chasing a childhood dream that i'll never be able to reach anyways because of my parents' expectations of me crushing my soul

Dabi: Damn, being vulnerable already 

You: your turn

Dabi: I’m not sad. My life is great and my parents never expected anything of me

Dabi: That was a lie 

You: so you’re a liar

Dabi: I suppose I might be

You: that counts as being vulnerable. i’m so proud of us. <3

Mar 03 9:12 PM

You: you probably have daddy issues

Mar 03 11:34 PM 

Dabi: Mind your business 

You: so i’m right

Dabi: Nosy sounds more like it

You: that’s a yes then

Dabi: When I tell you he SUCKS so bad 

You: LMAO You: i’m guessing you don’t particularly like your family then

Dabi: It's not the type of stuff I'd tell anybody, especially not to some nosy individual whose number is one or two digits off

You: alright i’ll stop digging You: wait how old are you You: am i talking to some 50 y/o dude You: please no

Mar 04 00:02 AM

Dabi: Chill I’m 48

Mar 04 00:06 AM 

You: say sike right now You: if u rly are then i’m half your age

Dabi: You thought Dabi: Are you actually 24 tho

You: give or take a few days lol

Dabi: When’s your birthday 

You: do you want my social and tax numbers while we’re at it

Dabi: Stfu I wanna see if I’m older 

You: 🤨 You: it’s at the end of this month

Dabi: Baby 

You: are u flirting with me or insulting me

Dabi: Can’t I be doing both 

Mar 04 06:30 AM

You: love me a guy who can multitask You: did you ever get your bleach and paper towels

Mar 04 11:11 AM

You: it’s 11:11 make a wish

Mar 04 2:02 PM

You: my wish is that you’d commit to a humane sleeping schedule

Mar 04 2:59 PM 

Dabi: Anybody hear sum 

You: i heard you’re a lazy bitch You: who doesn’t even do his own grocery shopping

Dabi: Maybe I do. Maybe I got the bleach all on my own like a big boy

You: X

Dabi: What's that mean

You: X for doubt You: it’s a meme

Dabi: Here I thought we were about to get spicy 😔

You: ew

Dabi: I was joking  Dabi: …unless 

You: has anybody ever told you that your flirting is immaculate

Mar 04 7:10 PM

Dabi: What do you study 

You: are you trying to find out my location

Dabi: Let it be known I’m terrible at geography and if I wanted to stalk you I'd already be on it

You: that’s a consolation You: forensic science You: i actually can’t wait for the semester to be over bc my professor is one of the most annoying individuals i have ever had the displeasure of meeting

Dabi: So you do have bleach 

You: never said i didn’t

Dabi: What do I have to do to make the list of annoying individuals. What's my current score

You: we haven’t met You: and i’m not sure if i’d survive u

Dabi: You have a point, I'm super nice tho

You: bet You: are you handsome You: asking for a friend You: the handsome ones are usually more annoying

Dabi: I'll say I’m frighteningly unique-looking 

You: ...well played

Mar 04 10:09 PM 

Dabi: My boss is making me do errand work in the morning like I'm some kind of functioning human being with principles Dabi: The next piercing I’m getting is a lobotomy 

You: thought you were “freelancing”

Dabi: Freelancing only gets you so far. You'll understand when you're my age

You: can't imagine what the back pain must be like You: do you have a tongue piercing 👀

Dabi: Perhaps I do

You: u r so mysterious You: tell me an opinion 

Dabi: Mint ice cream makes my teeth feel weird 

You: that’s not an opinion 

Dabi: Alright, more foods should have mint in them. And coriander. I want to make things inedible for 80% of the human population

You: nvm keep your opinions to yourself 

Mar 05 02:26 AM

Dabi: I've gotta burn this number. Txt u in a few 

Mar 05 05:16 AM

You: what are you, some kind of druglord This message could not be delivered.

You: I knew it This message could not be delivered.

Mar 0512:03 PM

You: ayo are you still there This message could not be delivered.

You: this is only funny if you come clean right now This message could not be delivered.

Mar 05 4:16 PM

You: "text you in a few" minutes? hours? days? This message could not be delivered.

You: just know that if it takes to long i'll forget about u This message could not be delivered.

You: won't even miss u This message could not be delivered.

Mar 06 09:00 AM

You: hello is this thing on This message could not be delivered.

Mar 07 3:15 PM

You: my social security number is 6007 0023 6799 0324 This message could not be delivered.

Mar 07 8:46 PM

You: eggs, vinegar, panko, sprite, sliced ham, parmesan, deodorant sencha if they have the good one ground pepper, lemon juice This message could not be delivered.

Mar 08 04:44 AM

Unknown: Am I still the man of ur dreams

You: I'm killing you You: violently

Unknown: I was hoping softly Unknown: With your song

You: are these messages being monitored You: am i a suspect

Unknown: If they were, could I write that I'm a ruthless baby killer anti-government fuck the police pro abortion the prime minister is an idiot bomb. bomb at the airport, terrorism, detonate Unknown: I guess now they are

Dabi was added as a contact.

You: just when i thought i'd have to find another witty asshole with a tongue piercing

Dabi: Aw you missed me Dabi: Does my tongue piercing make me hot be honest

You: what are my chances of getting an explanation for the past few days You: are u a murderer fr, that would be so cool You: i totally didn't use our abandoned chat as a grocery list btw

Dabi: The only thing I slay is pussy 😎

You: somehow i have doubts about that statement You: animal abuse is no joke

Dabi: I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 100, if you guess it correctly I'll tell u everything

You: 69

Mar 08 08:21 AM

Dabi: It was 72 Dabi: Because you were so close I'll give u one free question. But I want another one in return

You: you're a dirty little gremlin who plays dirty little games You:: do i get to ask a follow-up question

Dabi: No

You: in that case You: which of the following activities did you partake in? 1.) vandalism 2.) drug dealing 3.) drug trafficking 4.) violent crimes 5.) violent crimes that resulted in the death of one or more individuals 6.) assisting someone in a violent crime 7.) assisting someone in a non-violent crime 8.) theft 9.) robbery 10.) hate crimes against a minority 11.) politically motivated acts of defiance 12.) consumption of illegal substances 13.) running and/or hiding from law enforcement 14.) domestic terrorism 15.) human trafficking 16.) money laundering 17.) having a good time

Dabi: What the fuck Dabi: What is this, a multiple choice? Dabi: 1, 4, 6, 7, 8, 13 Dabi: My turn Dabi: What's your favourite food

You: fr, just like that You: that's your one question out of everything you could ask? am i really that boring

Dabi: I ask what I ask

You: spicy miso ramen with minced pork You: can we go back to the part where you ran from law enforcement

Dabi: Don't we all have demons that we run from Dabi: Mine are just a bit more persistent

Mar 08 10:52 AM

You: i want another question

Dabi: If you come up with one that's not related to the past few days, go ahead

You: fine i'll take it You: have you ever been caught and gotten in legal trouble for one of your… dubious activities

Dabi: Yeah

You: …and?

Dabi: That's another question. Gonna trade?

You: fine

Dabi: When I was 16, two Officers Of The Law 🐷 caught me dumpster diving behind a 7/11 Dabi: The dumpster diving wasn't the crime but because it was on private property they charged me with trespassing

You: damn, that's a lot of truth from u in just two sentences You: i wanna know ur tragic backstory so bad

Dabi: You could try to get me all sentimental for the 6 minutes after really good sex before the post nut clarity sets in

You: uh huh, taking notes You: anyway. you get one question. think hard

Dabi: If you couldn't have minced pork on your ramen, what would your second topping choice be

You: you're impossible

Mar 08 1:27 PM

You: tori karaage or extra ni-tamago i guess

Mar 08 2:23 PM

Dabi: Doesn't the Karaage lose its crispiness if it's in the broth for too long Dabi: I wouldn't know

You: please let me recommend you a good ramen place, you seem like you'd need it

Dabi: You have no idea. Take me out

You: like romantically? or are you asking me to murder you

Dabi: I love surprises

You: i just laughed out loud in the middle of my lecture

Mar 08 7:18 PM

Dabi: Need your forensic expertise for a sec

You: …oh no

Dabi: It's a purely hypothetical scenario

You: alright lay it on me big boy

Dabi: If a 176 cm tall and 67 kg heavy person were to climb over a 4,60 meter high fence that has electrical wiring on it Dabi: What would the most likely way for them to die be?

You: this is not forensic at all You: how strong is the electricity You: is there a way to shut it off You: where would you hold onto the fence You: can it be damaged

Dabi: Not me, a 176 cm tall and 67 kg heavy person

You: where would THE 176 CM TALL AND 67 KG HEAVY PERSON HOLD ONTO THE FENCE

Dabi: The only points that provide decent grip surface are the hooks holding the wires in place

You: so the most likely way to die would be electrocution You: will that be all

Dabi: How would one determine whether the electricity has been properly shut off Dabi: In the theoretical scenario that you couldn't get close enough to hear

You: the 176 cm tall and 67 kg heavy person should tap the wiring from the bottom with the back of their hand You: that way their fingers curl downwards and not around the wire You: so the person won't DIE from ELECTROCUTION

Mar 09 00:08 AM

Dabi: Excellent Dabi: Gonna do some field research Dabi: Will report back in maybe a day

Mar 09 08:01 AM

You: i'm gonna be so mad if you die before you've had decent karaage This message could not be delivered.

Mar 11 6:10 PM

Unknown: So it turns out that the person did not have to climb the fence after all. Pliers are such useful tools Unknown: Thanks for the electricity tip tho

Mar 11 6:39 PM

Dabi was added as a contact.

You: you're so hot when you're alive 

Mar 11 9:14 PM

Dabi: Do u think I'm a catch 😏

You: judging by the way law enforcement is trying to get their hands on you, i'd say you're pretty slippery

Dabi: The slipperiest Dabi: You couldn't handle me

You: i'd trap you using cheese and a paper box  You: put you in a jar and turn you into spicy miso broth 

Dabi: Would you hold the jar tight at night and tell me everything's going to be okay 

You: of course 

Dabi: I'm liking this scenario 

Mar 12 01:07 AM 

Dabi: Ever thought about what Mint Karaage would taste like

Mar 12 01:23 AM

You: i need u 

Dabi: Tell me more

You: to shut your mouth

Dabi: Are you trying to romance me

Mar 12 07:15 AM

You: i'm actually so upset right now  You: can i vent

Mar 12 07:27 AM

Dabi: Listening Dabi: Am I gonna have to get the tissues out

You: you're not empathetic enough for that 

Dabi: How would you know 

You: call it a woman's intuition  You: i just need someone to bother about my hot girl troubles

Dabi: Let's hear it girl  Dabi: Men ain't shit 💅

You: damn right they aren't You: but unrelated to that You: i ran out of my medication a few days ago and thought if i stretched the remaining 3 pills to last me 6 days i'd be able to make it till the end of the week  You: now my doctor's office is closed and i can't seem to get an appointment anywhere You: and i'm super jittery and on edge and almost had a panic attack just trying to make coffee

Dabi: What type of medication 

You: Ativan You: it's prescription only

Dabi: Nothing is ever "prescription only" 

You: i'm not gonna try some experimential backalley drug You: just feel like dying rn

Dabi: Who said anything about backalley? You actually came to the right guy for this  Dabi: What's the name of the nearest druggery 

You: ...fukuju pharmacy

Dabi: So I've been talking to a Setagaya girl 

You: only moved here for uni, hate to disappoint if ur expecting a wealthy maiden 

Mar 12 10:02 AM

Dabi: Don't you feel like getting a snack from the vending machine  Dabi: Specifically the one next to the pharmacy  Dabi: A bag of skittles sounds nice, doesn't it?

You: ? ? ?

Mar 12 10:34 AM 

You: did you commit a crime for me  You: how did you get your hands on actual fucking Ativan this fast

Dabi: I don't kiss and tell

You: did you follow me home  You: is this how i die

Dabi: You make it so hard to be nice to you Dabi: What do you think I am, a creep

You: if you were here i'd suck you off so good rn

Dabi: Whore Dabi: (Respectfully)

You: lmao ur right You: thank you for real though

Dabi: Stfu

Mar 12 1:33 PM

Dabi: Do u like cats

You: yes

Dabi sent an image.

Dabi: Noodle thieving menace 

You: 🥹 You: that has got to be the fattest street cat i’ve ever seen

Dabi: He’s hella fast 

You: how does it feel to be the one chasing the culprit for once

Dabi: Not nearly as thrilling as being the one committing the crime 

Mar 13 00:00 AM

Unknown: Congratulations! You have been selected as an eligible member for a free trial of Osaka Daily Post. Unknown: If you would like information about your benefits, reply 'BENEFIT' Unknown: If you would like to stop receiving these messages, reply 'STOP' 

You: i know it's you shithead

Unknown: Your message could not be processed. 

You: this is the unfunniest you've ever been ngl

Unknown: Your message could not be processed. 

You: you're truly one of the most annoying individuals in my life

Unknown: Your message could not be processed. 

You: STOP

Unknown: LMAO you thought

Dabi was saved as a contact. 

You: i'm reconsidering if the tongue piercing is really worth it 😤

Mar 13 04:55 AM

Dabi: Any particular reason why you chose forensics 

Mar 13 06:09 AM

You: i've always admired criminals but been to scared to become one You: and if i know about psychotic assholes it might help me to steer clear of them, or so i thought

Dabi: Is it working

You: evidently not

Dabi: Use me in ur thesis  Dabi: I'll be your lab rat

You: nah you're more beneficial to me when you're not stuck behind bars You: what do you have me saved as in your phone

Dabi: I don't save contacts  Dabi: Especially not yours  Dabi: You mean nothing to me 

You: aww do you know my number by heart, that's adorable You: i'm kinda genuinely impressed at how persistent you are at bothering me, it's almost like you like me or smth

Dabi: No fr though lmao if anybody finds my phone you'd be on a list

You: do u delete these chats

Dabi: Always

You: that's so romantic You: admit it you're actually a softie

Dabi: Would that make you more interested in me  Dabi: Then I'm the softest 

You: what do i need to do to make you the hardest

Dabi: ... Dabi: There's absolutely no correct way for me to respond to that  Dabi: You've left me speechless 

You: 🥵🥵

Dabi: What's your worst quality  Dabi: Besides being an irresistible smartass  Dabi: *irritating 

You: was that a freudian slip You: you're so obsessed with me it's adorable

Dabi: Proving my point so diligently 

You: you don't seem like the kind of person who would use words like 'diligently' You: i'm rather talkative at times You: to the point where it gets unbearable to listen to me

Dabi: I never would've guessed

You: what's yours? You: besides the obvious

Dabi: Still putting up with you 

Mar 13 7:45 PM

Dabi: Wyd 

You: i burned my rice a little You: but it's edible

Dabi: Don't you have a rice cooker? Who raised you 

You: my very strict but sweet and committed grandmother who made the best teriyaki salmon in the whole world You: i'd kill another human being to eat her home cooked food one more time

Dabi: So your parents ain't shit either 

You: eh, they're alright You: they're Business People overseas and aren't around a whole lot, means i get my own place though You: so i can have visitors at any desired hour 😏

Dabi: Omg sick Dabi: Me next

You: it was implied

Mar 13 11:11 PM

Dabi: Ok but do u actually wanna meet up sometime  Dabi: No strings attached ofc 

You: i'm down

Dabi: What if I'm a creep after all

You: if anything, it means i won't have to attend my lecture about carbon dots tmrw

Dabi: I can't tomorrow  Dabi: What about the day after Dabi: I'll give u my credit card info if it makes you feel more safe, don't bother trying to buy anything with it tho, you'll be disappointed

You: you may not show it a whole lot, but are you actually a considerate person? You: the day after sounds good

Dabi: Preem

You: oreryu shio ramen, right by harajuku station You: about time you had some good karaage You: my treat You: unless that's too far away for u

Dabi: I would fly across the world for u Dabi: Yes Harajuku works fine

Mar 14 08:49 AM

You: how will i recognise u You: what do u look like

Dabi: As my dad once said. I'm impossible to miss 

You: i laughed

Dabi: Guess it was all worth it then  Dabi: Do tattoos scare you

You: i was gonna ask cause there's no way you got only a tongue piercing and nothing else You: stand there with your tongue out

Dabi: Shouldn't we at least get to know each other before 😳

You: don't get any ideas  You: i don't intend to fuck u You: ...for now

Dabi: That's a relief, I thought I might have to file a restraining order afterwards 

Mar 14 1:42 PM 

Dabi sent an image. 

Dabi: If u see this guy u can still run the other way 

You: hhh fuck You: are u trying to intimidate me You: how do you have so many tattoos but no bedframe

Dabi: Cut me some slack, I just moved into this place 

You: fair warning i'm not as hot as u

Dabi: Bet 

You sent an image. 

Dabi: Why do women always lie. I thought you were better. I thought you were different

You: 😳 You: i'm actually worse

Dabi: We're such a good match

You: don't get ahead of urself. u r still a guy with no bedframe

Dabi: Please shut up

Mar 14 4:16 PM

Dabi: To be clear I'm not bringing flowers or anything  Dabi: And I'm actually willing to let you pay this time lol 

You: you have such a unique way with words 

Dabi: A bit tight on money rn but I'll pay u back some other way 

You: can we make that the first line in our sextape  You: dw i said it's my treat and i mean it You: does that make you feel emasculated

Dabi: Who would I be to say no to free food tf Dabi: If there's a next time I can take you out for drinks  Dabi: Nothing fancy but an old friend of mine owns a bar downtown and his girlfriend mixes a killer mule 

You: if you're gonna poison me after gaining my trust over my favourite food i will be incredibly sad 

Dabi: Give me some credit here. I'm trusting u to not rat me out to law enforcement 

You: you're giving me ideas You: is there a bounty on your head

Dabi: I'm not that important 

Mar 14 9:44 PM

You: so you're just too good to get caught

Dabi: Both flattering and factually correct Dabi: For the record I've never harmed anybody that didn't deserve it 

You: thanks for clarifying  You: i feel so safe now 

Dabi: Anytime  Dabi: If you're having second thoughts lmk before 10 am so I won't spend time getting ready for nothing 

You: 10 am is crazy  You: u r so vain 

Dabi: Alright then I won't 😔

You: i take it back You: be pretty for me

Mar 15 5:30 AM

You: can't sleep 

Mar 15 7:12 AM

Dabi: How the turntables  Dabi: Are you alright

You: yes  You: it's the good kind of sleepless 

Dabi: It's fine if you're having second thoughts, I won't hold it against you at all  Dabi: Just texting like this is nice too

You: fuck no i wanna meet the man behind the screen You: the myth, the legend, the crimelord himself 

Dabi: I'm never showing consideration for ur wellbeing ever again 

You: should've ghosted me before i got attached

Mar 15 9:54 AM

Dabi: Last chance to bail gracefully  

You: you make it so tempting 

Dabi: Getting out of bed then 

You: it's not a bed if it doesn't have a bedframe

Dabi: Shut, and I mean this in the gentlest way possible, the hell your mouth

Mar 15 12:08 PM

Dabi sent a location pin.

Dabi: Is this the place

You: that's the one  You: be there in a few minutes 

Dabi: I'm waiting outside 

Mar 15 12:13 PM

You: omg i think i see u You: im shy

Dabi: U literally have so much blackmail material on me 

You: give me a second You: alright I'm coming over This message could not be delivered.

[canirove]

My neighbour Rúben | Chapter 18

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Masterlist

“Rúben…”

“Uhm…”

“I thought we were watching a movie. Netflix and chill, you know?” I giggled.

“We were. But the movie is boring and I’ve missed you. Kissing your neck is way more entertaining.”

“I was away for just two days, and you are doing more than just kissing my neck.”

“My hand may be going places, yes” he smirked. “Do you want it to stop?”

“I don’t, no.”

“Good” he said, going back to what he was doing.

“But maybe we could go somewhere a bit more comfortable?”

“My sofa is very comfortable.”

“I know, but…” I said, biting my lip to try and stay focused. “I like your bed better.”

“Alright then” he said, picking me up and carrying me over his shoulder.

“Rúben!” I said, laughing and hitting him on the back, his reply being pinching my butt. 

When we made it to his room, he threw me on the bed, following right after and putting himself on top of me, kissing my lips, my jaw, my neck, his hand going everywhere under my clothes.

 “Where did all this motivation come from?” I whispered.

“You.” 

That was his only reply as he started undressing me, leaving kisses everywhere.

“Wait” I said after he got rid of his t-shirt. “I want to see you. Like, properly.”

“Ok” he said with that smirk of his, moving us both so I was sitting on top of him. “Better like this?”

“So much better” I said, running my fingers over his arms. “You are unreal, you know?”

“What?” he laughed, his thumbs making circles on my thighs and sending goosebumps all over my body.

“You are unreal. Look at this” I said, my fingers now on his chest, following the shape of his muscles. “This can’t be real. And this…” I said, now touching his abs. “Even while laying down they look perfectly defined.”

“There is something else that is gonna get perfectly defined if you keep moving like that.”

“What?”

“You haven’t noticed where you are sitting, have you?” he said, trying to hide a smile.

“I… Oh.”

“I don’t mind it, tho. I like it.”

“I also like the idea” I said, feeling my face burning.

“Then you know what to do.”

“I actually don’t” I chuckled.

“I’ll guide you” he said, grabbing my hips with his hands and moving me against him, the feeling making us both gasp. “Do you trust me?”

“I do, Rúben. You know that I do.”

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"Are you nervous?"

"A bit, yeah, not gonna lie. You?"

"I'm shitting myself" Lucy said. "Imagine that you and Rodri don't like each other!"

"We will, don't worry." 

"Ah!" she half screamed when someone rang the doorbell. "That must be them. How do I look?"

"Beautiful. What about me?"

"Gorgeous" she said with a big smile before going to open the door. "Hello, Rúben. Hello, you."

"Hello, you" Rodri replied. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too" Lucy said, leaning forward to kiss him. 

"If you'll excuse me" Rúben said behind them, rolling his eyes and walking into our apartment. "Hi there."

"Hi" I replied. "Am I also getting a hello kiss?"

"Of course you are" he said with that smirk of his that I loved so much. Behind us, we could hear Lucy giggling like a teenage girl. "I didn't know they were so..."

"Cheesy?" I chuckled.

"Yeah" he said, turning around to look at them. Rodri had both his hands on Lucy's bum, firmly grabbing it while kissing her. "I thought we were going out for dinner, that dessert came after."

"Are you jealous, Dias?" Rodri asked.

"He's actually right" Lucy said, running her fingers up and down his chest. "We'll continue later."

"We better" he replied with a mischievous smile, taking her hand and walking towards the lift.

"Kids" Rúben sighed, rolling his eyes again. "Shall we?" he said, offering me his arm, this time making me giggle like an idiot.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"We need to do this again" Lucy said. After a very successful dinner, we had gone back to our apartment to have one last drink. 

"We certainly do" Rodri said, kissing her. They had been like that all the time, constantly kissing and being affectionate with the other. PDA wasn't an issue with them.

"Yes, we do" Rúben said, trying very hard to not roll his eyes while they kept kissing. "But now it's time to go home."

"What? Already?" Lucy said.

"Already. We have training tomorrow first thing in the morning, and remember what Pep told us" Rúben said, looking directly at his teammate. "No extra activities."

"What does that mean?" Lucy asked.

"No sex until we've played on Sunday. That game it's all or nothing, we must be focused" Rodri said.

"Really? He forbade you to have sex?" she said.

"He just suggested it, but yeah" Rodri shrugged.

"I don't like him" Lucy replied, crossing her arms over her chest. 

"I'll make up for it, I promise." And then, they were back at it, kissing and not caring that Rúben and I were in front of them.

"Rúben, why don't you help me tidy up?" I said, getting up from the sofa and picking our glasses.

"Gladly" he grunted.

"Why are you acting like this? Are you jealous about Rodri not having eyes just for you anymore?" I asked him when we walked into the kitchen.

"I'm not jealous, put that eyebrow down" he said, trying not to smile.

"Then what is it? You aren't against PDA."

"I'm not, no. But they are too much."

"Maybe. But they look so happy... And Lucy deserves it."

"She does. They both do, to be honest."

"Should we let them alone and enjoying themselves for a bit longer?" I asked.

"And do what while we wait?" Rúben said, slowly moving towards me.

"I don't know" I shrugged. "What they are doing looks interesting."

"It is very interesting. Do you want me to show you?" he replied, now being the one arching an eyebrow.

"Go ahead" I said as he lifted me up and sat me on the kitchen's counter, my legs around him. 

"Comfortable?"

"My butt is getting a bit cold"

"Then I better start making you hot" he said before kissing me.

"Wow, wow, wow" Lucy said behind us. "Not in my kitchen!" 

"We haven't had time to do anything. Yet" Rúben said. We had been kissing for less than a minute when she came in. Or at least that was what it felt like.

"Good. It's time to go, come on."

"Already done with your make out session?" Rúben asked, helping me get down from the counter.

"I'm afraid so" she replied. 

"At least they got to enjoy one" I said to myself.

"I heard you" Rúben whispered to my ear as we followed Lucy into the living room, pinching my butt and making me jump. 

"Everything ok?" Rodri asked.

"Peachy" Rúben said, laughing at his own joke.

"Will I get to see you tomorrow?" Lucy said, hugging Rodri.

"Not sure. We need to be focused, remember?"

"Meh, meh, meh" she replied. "No sé cómo voy a sobrevivir a esta noche sabiendo que vas a estar durmiendo al otro lado de esa pared y que no podemos estar juntos."

"Si ella puede sobrevivir todos los días, tú también" Rodri said, kissing Lucy's nose.

"What did they say about you?" Rúben asked me. "I only understood half of it."

"Lucy was complaining about knowing that he was going to be sleeping on the other side of that wall and not being able to be together. And Rodri said that if I could do it daily, so could she."

"Have you ever felt like that? Like... Wanting to be with me, knowing that there was just a wall between us, but not being able to?"

"Yes, sometimes. Especially when you were mad at me."

"I was never mad at you. Pissed, definitely. But not angry. You didn't do anything wrong" he said, putting a lock of hair behind my ear and looking at me in a way he hadn’t before. 

"Sorry for ruining the moment, guys. But we were going, right?" Rodri said.  

"Sadly" Lucy sighed.

"Sadly" I repeated, though only Rúben heard me.

"Good night, neighbour" he said, kissing my cheek. "Don't stay up until late gossiping about us."

"Never" Lucy said, giving Rodri one last hug before we watched them both leave.

[hinasxvii]

Noble Trial Thoughts

₊˚ ‿︵‿︵‿︵୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿︵ ˚₊

❁ 𝗠𝘆 𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗿𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗼𝗺 𝗯𝗶𝗿𝘁𝗵𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝗴𝗶𝗳𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝗱 𝗯𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗻𝗮𝗴𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗮 𝘄𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝘄! 𝗛𝗼𝗽𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗲𝗻𝗷𝗼𝘆 𝗺𝘆 𝘆𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗴! 🤗💞

This is just a random thought that popped up in my head as I listened to Zaros’s audios for the 850th time! 🥰

I don’t know if it was stated, but I am 99.9999999% sure that it was in one of the episodes. If not I will be extremely embarrassed 🙏 but it’s whatever (it’s not whatever)

I THINK that in one of the episodes that it was either our mother or Zaros’s mother that said back then when the trials were held in the past that those who contested actually fought to death. It’s killing me that idk if this was stated or not rn and im gonna crash out, but moving on! But if it wasn’t stated this will js be a lil AU of mine, I think that’s what it’s called im not sure tho..

IF it was truly said in one of the audios my head immediately thought “Oh! What if Earis and Zaros had past reincarnated selves that were thrown into the deathly noble trials back then centuries ago?” As we know over time the trials have changed of course, but just thinking if the trials had remained the same and be so cruel as back then, it would be truly tragic for Zaros and Earis to be thrown into them.

My wording is not the greatest so pls don’t attack me 😞 English isnt my first language in case you guys weren’t aware 🙏 If I could word this much better and way more poetic I would, trust!

Anyways back on track to my rambling thoughts! It would truly be tragic if the two of them were put in a death trial for the games back then and now for the throne. If the trials were done the same it were back then I’d actually crash out thinking either one of them would die in the other person’s arms.

Earis and Zaros being people centuries in the past rivaling for the throne only to be reincarnated rivaling against the throne once again will forever and always be Roman Empire from now on.

Like I mean imagine how cruel the trials could’ve been back then? People willingly (?) choosing to kill someone else for the throne or something like that? But if Earis and Zaros were there during that time, I ain’t even gonna lie, I think Earis would be the one to do the kill. I HAVE MY REASONS WHY DONT JUDGE ME I LOVE EARIS I SWEARRRR!!

Back then in the trials I don’t think there would’ve been such a strategic planning such as now with the trials? I think back then they focused mainly more on power and strength than the others. That’s just my opinion though!

I mean just think of how horrible it would be to be up against someone you know and (used to) love. Idk what kinda of relationship/bond Earis and Zaros’s past lives would have but if it’s anything like present Earis and Zaros’s bond that’d crazy tragic. I mean really, it’s a killed or get killed situation worse of all it’s by someone you love/care about deeply inside but can’t show due to the circumstances.

Since we sort of know that Earis is quite skilled in Serulian (I think that’s how u spell it) sword fighting I can only imagine that their reincarnation from the past would be skilled as well if not more. I can only imagine that back then there was just this big massive arena that those who compete for the throne (Earis and Zaros) are thrown in to fight for the death aka the throne.

Back then the fighting section/strength section has got to be the most lethal, no? I’m pretty sure that would be the last stage/section as well since it’s probably the most dangerous. Like imagine having to fight to the death with your rival with a blade knowing one of yall have to die in order to get the throne. Crazy. Like having to plunge a whole entire blade through someone?? I feel like Serula would be around the arena watching the whole thing as well, thinking this is some sort of entertainment for them to watch. (before yall say it’s giving the Hunger Games, thats what im going for 🙏)

Or if not dying due to blades from Earis, poison? Since we know that Zaros is very informed with plants, herbs, and such. What if his past reincarnated self were the one to kill during the trials? If he were, I believe poison would be what he’d use to sabotage the other person (Earis).

Ik I might sound crazy thinking abt stuff like this but I can’t help it guys 😞 im WAY too deep into the Noble Trials lore and I can’t get out and I will NOT get out anytime soon lovelies 🙏

Okay but lowkey back to the Hunger Games kinda. Would that not be coolish? Having a whole kingdom/empire watch two people get thrown into the trials/an arena to fight each other to death for the throne. Like imagine being put into the trials only to realize those who are watching think this is for entertainment, thinking that YOU losing your life is for their source of entertainment. CRAZY RIGHT?!

I can only imagine how deathly the trials could be in the past. Idk how far long in the past im thinking but however long ago it could’ve been it still would’ve been tragic either way.

If Earis or Zaros’s past selves won the trials back then I can’t even imagine how one of them would have to deal with the heavy weight of killing the other person. Either dying by someone’s blade or dying due to someone’s poison. Hurts to know that they were willing to do such a thing for the throne. Or maybe they aren’t willing? Maybe they were forced? Who knows??

Or maybe one of them doesn’t have to die back then, maybe both of them could’ve died together back then in the trails idk how but it could still happen. I mean both of them dying thinking the other one lived would be tragic too, wouldn’t it?

Or they don’t even have to die. Maybe Earis and Zaros’s past reincarnation sleeves could be forfeit the trials or something like that and neither of them have to suffer a tragic fate.

Idk but these are just my random thoughts that are not canon, think this would be something called an AU, alternate universe? Idk but yeah! I feel like I have much more to say but I think I’ve said enough for now 😭 I still needa work on that yandere fic, Elias texts, and the 2nd part to “Lantern Festival”.

And I still have to make a masterlist/introduction for you lovelies yet the link importing thing won’t work for me so I might just post it without links and stuff!

The urge to write a fanfic with this concept is going WILD rn, is this how yall writers feel? Wanting to write a whole new fanfic but you have other to have to write in your drafts? If so, this is TORTURE. 😞🙏

But yup! That’s the end of my Earis and Zaros tragic rambling fate! Glad you guys took ur time to listen to me yap. MWAH LOVE U ALL 🤗💞

[quinnysnursery]

https://www.tumblr.com/quinnysnursery/766630721160888320/wait-why-dont-we-like-the-curly-haired?source=share

I don't like them cuz I just don't find them entertaining and it irks me that they said they were triplets but whatever that's my opinion

The triplets could take notes on their video ideas tho (even tho we give them millions and they ignore them)

hopefully they talked about video ideas at top golf LMFAOOO

i can’t really be mad at them for saying they’re triplets bc me and williow lie and say we’re twins all the time for fun

[yuexuan]

[Review] 残疾暴君的掌心鱼宠

Title: 暴君的掌心鱼宠 The Disabled Tyrant’s Pet Palm Fish

Author: 雪山肥狐

Length: 156

Tag: Historical, transmigration, comedy, palace drama, mpreg

Summary [taken from novel updates]:

One day, Li Yu transmigrated into a fish. Furthermore, this fish even had a master. This master was the sinister and terrifying, mute tyrant from a novel. The system gave Li Yu a task. If he wanted to change back into a human, he had to obtain the tyrant’s heart.

Li Yu full of tears: System, please wake up. I’m only a fish. He can’t even speak. How can we interact?

System: Stop jabbering. To take down the tyrant, you must attack his heart.

Li Yu: Can I ask, does the tyrant have a heart–

Li Yu did his best to blow bubbles at the tyrant, but ended up being captured by the tyrant and raised carefully in a huge, ginormous…… fish tank. The life of a fish was filled with all sorts of blessings.

Everyday, Mu Tianchi watched the little carp swim around happily, pondering when this fish would finally transform into a human.

The little carp didn’t know. It’s not that the tyrant had no heart, it’s just that he already gave it away to the little carp that accidentally saved his life.

Novel | Novel [Translated]

Comments *contains spoilers*:

I’ve seen posts about this fish mpreg danmei on my TL for a while, so I decided to give it a try. It is surprisingly delightful, with a good mixture of comedy balanced with palace drama and politics. As the summary states, the story follows Li Yu, who transmigrated into the body of a carp. He had to complete multiple tasks set by the System to transform back into his human form. Strangely, all these tasks were related to developing a romantic relationship with the novel’s protagonist: the mute tyrant known as Jing Wang or Mu Tianchi.

Why you should read it:

All the shenanigans that Li Yu inadvertently found himself in while completing his tasks. For example, accidentally mouthing the tyrant’s nipple in the course of chasing a pearl. Or transforming into a merman - with a fish head and human legs. Hey, being a fish is not easy!

The domesticity between MC and ML once their children were born. I especially love the fourth son, who was seemingly slow at everything but tried his best anyhow. 

Also, the politics and drama are surprisingly entertaining. Those who know my reading history will know that I’m not a fan of palace drama. But I think this novel injects enough silliness to balance out the seriousness of the drama (and for the most part don’t take the antagonists too seriously), which makes for a smooth read.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: there's mpreg~

Gentle gong and silly shou (he works hard to complete his tasks tho!)

Last note: I’m not gonna lie, one thing I struggled with reading the novel was imagining the interactions between Li Yu’s fish form and Mu Tianchi. I’ve seen fanarts depicting Li Yu as a cute fish, but another part of me just kept on imagining a normal carp face. Hence in the scenes where Li Yu kissed Mu Tianchi by sucking him on the lips, all I can imagine is Zefrank’s educational video on fish suction lol. 

Overall a casual and entertaining read that I recommend!

[tigercallalily]

so i’ve been listening to the audiobook of britney spears’ memoir the woman in me and rather than rant at one person with massively long texts or at my parents i just gotta throw everything out incoherently, even tho i’m not quite finished yet

so like, first things first, the writing is not stellar. honestly about what you would expect and it fits if it is a bit slow in the beginning. i saw a review that it reads like a high school girl’s diary which i’d say is pretty accurate for the beginning but less noticeable the farther along

next, we hate justin timberlake and kevin federline. when i was talking to my parents about the book and her relationships, they both said that they already didn’t like jt bc of someone else he cheated on i think and then federline bc he’s a scumbag. they both suck and also the blatant double standard for men and women specifically in hollywood/fame but also just every where. which she points out several times

next, its sexist as fuck and also a problem, but in child custody, if both parents want custody, it’s usually ruled more favorably for the mother. but federline smeared britney’s reputation so fucking well that they gave him more custody of their two sons under the age of 5. like tabloids did such a number on her entire reputation and seems like absolutely no critical thinking was entertained by anyone that hey maybe some of this other shit we’re doing is causing these problems and she can’t get away from any of it

so i was 10 when she walked into that hair salon. i knew approximately zero things except that i was being told that she was going to rehab for drug abuse i think. and i don’t know what was known then but she talks about being swarmed by paparazzi and taking care of two babies by herself and her husband being closed off from her and like??? then she gets her reputation smeared in their custody battle and it’s all very public and i’m sitting here like “yeah, no shit she snapped. that’s a fucking lot to deal with”

finally, holy shit there had to have been some sort of bias, if not corruption, in the courts for her custody and her conservatorship. or potentially the courts were overrun (which is likely) and britney’s case is the one that got the least effort. i don’t know if it’s what i’ve been told or the actual general public opinion, but there was always the dumb blonde, ditz, butt of the joke directed at britney. it always came across as she was stupid. she made some stupid mistakes, which she admitted, but she wasn’t stupid. specifically about the conservatorship, she was lied to by plenty of people and didn’t know who to trust that would tell her the truth or if they would lie for her parents because they were paid by them. sidenote but law is confusing and pretty much everyone is stupid about one part or another which is why laypeople shouldn’t represent themselves. anyway, she knew the conservatorship was fucked up from the beginning but when she said she went along with it because it let her see her sons, it was a lightbulb for me.

again, the writing isn’t stellar but then we get bangers like “At what point did I promise to stay 17 for the rest of my life?” and “My freedom in exchange for naps with my children — it was a trade I was willing to make” britney you can’t make me emo about these things while i’m driving. looking back on my vague memories, it feels insane that the tabloids picked her to completely ruin. bc it doesn’t seem like there was anyone else who ever got focused on quite so harshly.

[launching-a-thousand-ships]

Kurt Glee Rewatch: Theatricality

We deserved more Kurt singing in Gaga songs, just saying.

So, obvs I love Carol but I do find this scene kinda weird? She knows how difficult it was for Finn when she first started dating Burt so why didn’t she have a private convo with him first? Could’ve given him time to process. But then, that’s not entertaining TV.

Also, v small note, but when Kurt mentions the tuna crudite, Burt corrects himself to use the correct term. V subtle change from before, when he wouldn’t really bother (the Maria bonnet before lol). Just thought I’d point it out. He’s already trying...

And why does a house with 2 (and a half) bathrooms not have another room? There are more bathrooms than bedrooms lol.

Def feel bad for Finn here, prob could’ve handled it better. Also, don’t see Kurt as really crushing on Finn at this point? More just excited, trying to make things work. Also def blinded by the thought of getting to redecorate lol.

Theatricality and Funk were switched when aired so timeline is of Vocal Adrenaline is weird but... oh well.

How dare VA do Gaga when that is his identity (and yet he only got to do 2 Gaga songs, blasphemy)

This always makes me think of the story of Chris Colfer meeting Lady Gaga and saying ‘Nobody’s talented but you’ lol

Love Kurt’s reaction to the assignment. Hasn’t been this hype since Madonna.

Kinda side-tangent but oof, Finn, casual homophobia is showing.

First off, he says they’re always doing what the girls want to do?? No?? They do what Will wants. Maybe he means Madonna but a) that was Will inspired by Sue and b) that was bc the guys were being sexist asses.

I do like the idea of bringing in different types of theatricality but would be interesting to have the whole club do both kinds, maybe do Gaga one week, Kiss the next. And oof, the way Finn says ‘except for Kurt’ here bc of all the annoyance he has at the situation... yikes. Trouble ahead.

aw, Kurt and Tina allowed to be friends. Enjoy it while you can, not much time left.

Not gonna lie... not a huge fan of Kurt’s outfit? Maybe it’s the wig giving rococo vibes? Idk, fits with his usual fashion of being hella covered up, but eh. Heels are iconic tho

And damn, the way he talks back to the jocks. And how he tries to sorta backtrack, to just defending Tina. Prob less confident when it comes to just defending himself.

It was made as a big deal in s2, like Kurt wouldn’t have stood up for himself witout Blaine’s courage text but Kurt’s been calling them out all along?? Or maybe by s2 he was more beaten down and unwilling to do anything.

Also, kudos to Azimio for knowing what crepe paper is.

I cannot even with this number. I mean, we get Kurt, Santana, Mercedes, Tina(!) singing lead and freaking rocking it! Wish they got to sing together more often.

And the dance and Kurt getting to use his lower register and just. Lowkey better than numerous competition performances. I love this so much.

Wtf is this reaction to one of the best songs they’ve ever done? Esp you Matt, We know nothing about you but I expected better. Ugh, finn and puck complained about not wanting to perform gaga, fine, but you can’t even support your friends and appreciate a freaking amazing number???

And ofc when the boys perform these guys are all hella into it. Bc they support their friends and are able to appreciate a good performance. Oof.

Jeez, Tina and Kurt are going through it this ep. Why is no one else getting grief? Is it bc the other girls are cheerios? What about Rachel and Mercedes? The lack of adult supervision in this school is astounding.

This look of pure derision Kurt throws Finn... why I think the crush is practically gone at this point oof.

Kurt has spent so damn long working to accept himself, to build up some confidence to be who he is. And esp now that he has acceptance from his dad, the only opnion he cares about, ofc Kurt has no desire to ‘blend in’. 

“It’s just a moist towelette!”

I mean, I was also struggling with Finn trying to wipe off make-up with a dry paper towel like dude. And Kurt prob wants to just comfortably hang out with another guy, but Finn freaks the fuck out. Back in Ballad they hung out pretty closely and Finn never said anything and legit hasn’t called Kurt out on any of it yet. Kurt had been very intense before, but here Kurt is being casual about things.

Kurt kicking the chair slays me. He learned it from Finn. 

Omg this room. Like, lowkey, I’d love to have a room like that, but also.

We saw Kurt in his Mellencamp phase. We know he knows how to ‘butch’ things up if he needs to. Also, this is nothing like any of his past aesthetics and nothing we ever see again?? His style is very modern, usually more sleek and monochrome. I feel like this room was made way more extra to incite the argument cuz like. Wow. I do appreciate the privacy partition, Kurt trying so hard.

Omg this scene. How Kurt was really sincere in trying to make something finn would like. And then the turn around to sadness, embarrassment, regret. Legit a million emotions on his face.

The way Finn is shocked when Kurt starts shouting. Lowkey we don’t see Kurt shout often, normally he goes for cutting remarks etc. Kurt is def in defensive mode.

And when Finn starts using the f-slur like damn. And how Kurt barely reacts to it bc he’s used to the word being used against him (tho never before by Finn) and he prob still feels guilt about the crush and about the room oof.

Then Burt Hummel. Omg. I love how he calls Finn out like ‘you weren’t talking about the blanket, you meant it towards Kurt’ bc yes.

And Kurt jumps to Finn’s defense bc he’s used to being bullied. He’s upset it’s from Finn, but it’s not super out of the ordinary

And Burt calls Finn out like, you won’t use the n-word, the r-word, but you’re totally fine using that slur? 

And how Burt brings it back bc he was the same when he was a kid. Kurt being gay prob had Burt thinking back on all the crap he’d say with his friends and he has lots of guilt over it.

And how Burt says he thought Finn was this ‘new generation of man’ and honestly, that makes me so upset that we barely see anymore Kurt and Finn friendship after this until like. Furt. And after that, even less. And they lowkey don’t give Kurt any male friends (until Elliot, which is nice but ofc he’s also gay).

After all this, and the stupid ‘predatory gay’ trope they gave Kurt earlier, it would be cool to see Kurt getting to be friends with straight guys without it being a big deal ugh. I’ll rant more in Duets tho.

I do think the last scene was when Kurt’s crush officially died. Finn was no different than every other bully he’d dealt with. At least he’s eventually able to forgive him and accept him as a brother tho.

“My balls keep falling off” “I’ve been there” this line kills me.

Kurt’s reaction to every bully: “go ahead, hit me” like boi

Also, I love the quiet ‘oh my god...’ when he sees Finn bc. Ya. Same. Love the speech, and kinda love that even tho Finn is giving this intense speech, he doesn’t clarify ‘my brother’ or ‘my friend’ bc he doesn’t care what the others think. This is just about making it right with Kurt.

And Will appears after this and... no check in with Kurt. Doesn’t go after Karofsky and Azimio bc they were about to beat a kid up. Like... dude. 

This is why I rewatch omg. Kurt pets Finn’s shoulder, and when Finn does it back Kurt immediately waves him off like ‘don’t touch the costume’. Lol.

Also, how tf did Finn make this costume.

[alotsgonnachange]

Apprenticember Day 3 - Relationship with other LI’s

I put them all in one post for simplicity lol

*disclaimer - the way *I* do my canon is that tilly is Thee apprentice and everyone else is also involved ?? somehow??? I can’t explain it all in one post

Isabella

Has a healthy respect for and and can hold pleasant conversation with asra, especially since he and nadia are close. However she probably wouldn’t consider them to have a close relationship

She finds Julian a bit strange but entertaining. Again, she’s perfectly comfortable around most people who are close with Nadia, though it’s not likely that they’ve spent much time alone together.

Considers Portia a very reliable and close friend. Working together in the palace along with Isabella asking her for advice with Nadia early on has made them close. It’s not uncommon to see the two in the kitchen gossiping or eating some baked goods at Portia’s cottage.

She enjoys Muriel’s company for sure, any time she’s with someone who’s quiet/not very talkative she honestly will feel relieved and is happy to just sit and crochet in silence and then complain about something once and then go back to being silent again, but at the same time I would imagine they wouldn’t interact much.

Lucio…. Listen she’s a Nadia oc so she does NOT like that man let’s be fr. But unless he comes up in conversation, he’s truly insignificant in her life. If they were to interact she would just glare at him a lot and probably tell him his style sucks.

Ki

Listen he’s in a relationship with Asra but he won’t lie Julian is kind of good looking 👀 But they can hold good conversation for the most part! Ki admires his extroversion and medical expertise and enjoys listening to his travel stories/adventures.

Ki thinks Nadia is cool as fuck and probably wants to get to know her better. He also knows what it’s like to grow up with a big aristocratic family with lots of siblings, so they will chat about that pretty often. They could also play music together since Ki is a guitarist!

Ki probably wouldn’t have too many opportunities to interact with Portia, but he’s perfectly comfortable talking to her and finds her very fun to be around!

Ki enjoys Muriel’s company a lot - When the two bad bitches with social anxiety link up >>>>>>

Also they’re probably mildly frightened of Lucio just because he’s very A Lot and a big personality like that might just stun them into silence. As for his Crimes and whatnot, Ki has a tendency to give grace to people who maybe don’t deserve it (for better or for worse) so who knows!

Tilly

Deeply admires and respects Nadia - and enjoys chatting with her about books the two of them have been reading, or magic. Tilly would also really enjoy teaching some magic things to Nadia if she would be interested.

Asra brought her back to life and took care of her so naturally she’s very grateful and considers him a close friend - However doesn’t reciprocate any romantic feelings he had for her in the past which both of them are fine with in the end. Tilly still spends a lot of time at the shop despite ending up with Muriel. They have a healthy relationship and can talk about anything.

Tilly likes Julian well enough, but Muriel’s anxiety around him does tend to rub off on her a bit🥲 its all love tho

Lucio… as a Muriel main she would probably sell him for one corn chip with no remorse. sorry y’all

Bonus! Danielle

Hears a LOT about Nadia from Isabella and likes what she hears and often gives Isabella love advice of…varying quality. Once she meets her, she does understand why Isabella was so anxious. Danielle is not often made nervous by others but a towering gorgeous countess lady made her turn bright red.

I’m gonna be so real…. Julian and danielle can NEVER meet. Chaos will ensue. Someone is gonna end up crying or really horny or both. The guards will be called. Someone is in jail. etc etc. Or maybe they need to meet for all of those reasons? Lol

Danielle would love to hang out with and smoke with Asra - as a magic shop keeper herself, she familiarizes herself with other people in Vesuvia doing similar work, so I would imagine them to be on good terms.

Danielle is rockin with portia i used to pair them together but now I’m like they would probably just be better friends? Similar relationship to Isabella and Portia

Lucio …. listen If you scroll back on my blog this was her LI for a long ass time and her taste is questionable so she probably would bang… Long term relationship tho? meh. But I’d be lying if I said they wouldn’t get along.

[cruesuffix]

1. definitely nikki. i don’t really really vibe with him much and it gets annoying seeing him under tags that have nothing to do with him (like i’m trying to see mick not that giant mf)

2. rarest thing i have is the theory that the indecent exposure story was possibly a lie?? apparently mick actually was being indecent in a hotel bathroom and that’s actually why he got arrested. now this could also be a lie, or he could have just been confused for tommy, just like the original story. i just found it funny how everyone in the band has said the same thing about the story so it seems so unlikely that it was a lie, but there were newspaper articles about it…will we ever know? i have no clue. (was totally rambling here whoops).

3. favourite thing: how creative the fandom can be, be it fanart or fanfics. i’ve read some great ass fanfics in this fandom tbh, y’all are real good at this shit. least favourite thing: unfortunately, you guys are not good at simply just holding your favs accountable and keeping it real. we don’t have to defend these guys, it’s actually kind of pathetic seeing you guys defend the CRAZIEST THINGS. pls, just admit they’re all awful people and keep it pushing.

4. i’ve only really read the dirt and the heroin diaries so i’ll have to go with the basic answer of the dirt. i find the multiple perspectives great, and there’s something about reading the members collective mental breakdowns entertaining. (yes i know that sounds terrible).

5. i know everyone’s saying this but i can’t not mention the resurrection of motley crue. i’ve watched it so many times i could probably recite it all. there’s something so interesting about seeing the band dynamics right there, seeing them interact after not really seeing each other in a long time. just that scene of vince and tommy awkwardly interacting with each other is burned into my brain permanently.

6. i would say both tommy and mick. i have the attitude and philosophy of mick, with the personality and energy of tommy. so i’m a slightly depressed golden retriever boy. that probably makes no sense.

7. for this i’m just going to refer to the midnight barber bit from the mighty boosh (if you know what that is you are the coolest person on the planet) i would attribute that bit to nikki and mick. i think this bit only really reminds me of these two because of that story of nikki ripping out a clump of micks hair…yea this was a weird answer.

8. the fanfics!! omg the fanfics are some of the greatest parts of being here. ao3 has the best fics tho…no shade to the hellsite though, there’s some good things here too.

9. i wanna say all of them tbh. all of them, when pushed to a limit, acts out. i want to say nikki but the way he’s been going on about the current situation (mick) he’s been really immature about it (all his weird ass tweets) tommy we all know has a history of acting out on his emotions, and so has vince. mick on the other hand is so emotionally despondent he lets ppl walk all over him because he doesn��t WANT to act out and is afraid of letting his emotions get the best of him. they all suck at handling things emotionally, which is why they’ve broken up like 50 times.

10. it’s both for me, the music and the band itself are both entertaining enough to be obsessed with.

11. home sweet home (the solo literally speaks to my soul) and save our souls

12. as much as i appreciate the other members for replacing their respective roles as well as they could, i really don’t care about them. the original four are the only ones that matter to me. without any of the four members it really doesn’t feel like the crüe.

13. i don’t care for most of their later discography (i say that but i haven’t really listened to new tattoo or saints) like the last album i’ll actively listen to a lot is self titled. i think they should have just retired after red white and crue era and called it a day.

14. i do have a fic i’m working on…all i’ll say is major character death warning. :)

15. the best thing i’ve seen is all the mick stans going crazy over his solo debut. i was right there with y’all i can’t believe it’s taken so long but it was SO worth it!

The weirdest cruehead questionnaire

Hello everyone, so I've been looking at alot of these question-answer response things on Tumblr, yanno where people will like ask people from a specific fandom some qeustions to get to know the people in the community and the qeustions are usually stuff like, “how did you get into it?” And “Who's your favourite character/member” 

So I thought I'd do something like that, but just a little…. differently.

Basically I'm gonna ask y'all qeustions I've never really heard asked in the community/low-key out of pocket crue qeustions and then you guys just reblog with your responses, that sound cool?

Great!, let's get started.

1.Which member is to you the least interesting and why? ( Not least favourite, just which member do you not spend to much thought on)

2. What is the rarest Mötley crüe story or bit of information that you know?

3. What's your favourite and least favourite thing about the fandom?

4. What is your favourite Mötley book and why?

5. What is your favourite Mötley crüe supplementary material to watch (so this would include the movie, any documentaries, cartoons, anything like that) and why?

6. Which member do you personally identify with and why?

7. Pick a quote from anything non-Mötley related that reminds you of your favourite member and explain how you think it relates to them or why you think it matches them.

8. What's your favourite piece of crüe content that comes from the fandom itself ( fanart, fanfic etc.)

9. Which member do you think is the best at handling emotional situations in the band, and who's the worst and why do you think that?

10. Are you more in the fandom for the music or for the members/crazy stories themselves?

11. What song means something to you personally, good or bad?

12. Which one of the non-original members do you actually prefer to the original members?

13. What's a Mötley opinion that everyone else seems to agree on and you don't or what opinion do you have that nobody else shares?

14. Do you have any unfinished crüe content that you are/where making that you wanna share a bit of? ( This can be fanart, fic ideas, album aliases etc.)

15. What's the best thing you've experienced in the fandom?

[istantoomanypeeps]

it’s kinda wild that u can make the tamest criticism of fandom spaces on here and ppl in the notes go batshit crazy

[ladybugsimblr]

simshaderoom about last night... Desmond “Dizzy” Samuels celebrated his album release and unveiled his newest Ciroc flavor Passion with a very special guest by his side all night. #BaileyKay and #Dizzy looked extra cozy and cuddly 👀🤔 Ummm we just want to know what they were whispering about and where was her husband???

d-lo nope. naah. no. hell no. don’t like this. at all. 

rubberbandshan 🗣️the queen would neverrrrrr! periodT!

B&QForever really fake news. they have a song together. dassit.

bflyhive the hive rejects these bs rumors. i can’t lie tho. this does not look good.

c.spiracy i don’t know. dizzy did used to have a crush on bk back in the day. he was also going hard trying to get her to sign to Bad Kid Entertainment. 

queentingz BK on BKE... here for it but not with a dash of affair and entanglements.

anon ok so my cousin was at the party and confirmed bk and dizzy were really close and touchy feely all night. she said there was a lot of smiles and laughing and flirting. bk was definitely drunk.

bkstan we don’t believe you or your cousin! bye anon!

rubberbandshan dis tew much!! i mean it was a club so they had to be close to talk to each other right?? i can’t believe we’re really discussing this though. out of respect for the queen simshaderoom should apologize for this post.

kingb ok close yes, but look at the way he’s holding her and how she has her hand draped on him and how they’re giving each other the look. it’s a little too familiar for me. if i were quinton my eyebrow would be raised!! 

rubberbandshan 😕🥴😣😭

SimsAgainstBK tsk tsk tsk. in the voice of our dear friend mizumusic (miss you girl) - is this your queen?! 😂

rubberbandshan in the voice of another queen bee, lil kim - shut up bitch!

dizzydes passion and your favorite girl make an amazing night! 😏😉 go stream the album and cop that new ciroc.  @afrosimtricsims​ 

[grapementos]

I LOVE YOUR WORK SO MUCH!!!!Can I ask for a cheater bakugo, kirishima or deku? ( can you do all three? That would be awesome 🥲) and pls make the ending v angsty (on the other persons side lmaooowjwisj) like, y/n dates their best friend or something LOL

This is literally my first time, so I’m sorry if it doesn’t make sense 🥲

meliora

(adj.) latin for “the pursuit of better”

a/n: AHH NONNIE ILYSM TY FOR THIS REQUEST. i’ll have all three characters i promise, but for now take kiri. i hope this angst is up to your standards 🥺 and your request made sense dw mwah xoxo also— AGED UP CHARACTERS.

midoriya’s part. bakugo’s part.

cw: cheating, crying, mentions of alcohol/under influence of alcohol, suggestive if you squint, kissing.

kirishima was indescribable.

you'd never before met a man that was so utterly wonderful in every way. every move he made was perfect in your eyes. he could do no wrong.

and he loved you just as hard. he was willing to shout it from the rooftops the second you had an ounce of doubt. you were never his secret--you were his most prized possession; he loved showing you off and flaunting the fact that he, 'had the best partner in the world.'

every one of your friends put money on the two of you getting married and staying together (even bakugo, surprisingly.) you were counting on that outcome.

still, you had disagreements from time to time, just like every other couple, but you had enough patience and sense between the two of you to be rational. you openly discussed your insecurities with each other, only to be met with open arms and gentle reassurances.

you didn't tend to entertain the idea of soulmates, but what other explanation was there? what other phenomenon could be held responsible for your seemingly destined relationship?

whatever it was, you were in love with your soulmate.

that's what you thought, at least.

that's what you thought until he cheated.

he cheated at a party you didn't even want to attend. but, because you loved him, you did. you attended the party only to find your drunken boyfriend eating some random person's face in one of yaoyorozu's million guest rooms. you remembered it so vividly.

it was a sight that was branded in your brain--you couldn't even blink without seeing them together, kissing with such desperation, such hunger.

"ei?" your voice had quivered, phone dropping to the floor, "what.. what're you.."

you wanted to scream when his dazed eyes met yours, glazed over and burning with a look you'd never seen in them before.

"y/n? that's not.." he stammered, looking back and forth between you and the person, "i'm not.. who's this?" as if finally realizing that was not, in fact, you, he shoved them off, crossing the to move towards you.

"you tell me, kirishima! you're the one with your tongue down their throat!" your eyes stung, every part of you trembling with utter betrayal.

"i.. i thought'was you!" he slurred, eyes pleading as he reached out to grab your arm.

you jerked back as if you'd been burned, "me? kirishima, i look nothing like them!" fat tears rolled down your cheeks as you stepped back, blinking quickly to clear your vision.

"s'tp calling me that.. s'not my name." he frowned, "m'so sorry, so sorry.. let's go home, please. let's just go home." he begged, eyes still unfocused. he was definitely not in any condition to drive.

so you decided to take care of him. one last time.

you drove him back to your shared apartment that night, ignoring the questioning looks you received from everyone.

they knew. they'd seen kirishima go upstairs with that person, and yet they let you see it for yourself. likely because you wouldn't have believed that your perfect boyfriend committed such an unspeakable act.

you helped him into the apartment after a long drive consisting of a stop at a gas station to buy some water and kirishima's loud wails and apologies. the entire ride you only spoke three words to him:

"drink your water."

he clung onto you as you guided him to your bedroom, helping him change into more comfortable clothes.

and then the two of you were seated on the bed. silent. alcohol long worn off.

"y/n, please-"

"i'll be gone by the morning. i'm taking everything in one trip." you couldn't look at him. if you did, you'd see his eyes that made you weak, and your resolve would crumble. you would forgive him, you were sure of it. all it took was a look.

"no!" he nearly shouted, sobs racking his body, "no, y/n, you can't. you can't leave me, it was a mistake, i'm so sorry!" his hands tangled in the duvet, presumably because he was too scared to touch you.

"and why can't i," you cursed the way your voice cracked, "kirishima? tell me, please. tell me right now that there is no reason for me to leave you. tell me that you did nothing wrong. tell me that what i saw tonight wasn't real. please tell me i made a mistake, and that i'm crazy, or- or i need glasses or something."

he was trying to talk over you as your voice kept raising, growing more and more desperate as your resolve cracked.

"tell me i didn't see you kiss them!"

he was silent, for his deed was there. out in the open. and he knew he couldn't tell you any of that. it would be a lie. a cold, hard lie you wanted nothing more than to believe.

"thought so." you muttered bitterly, getting up to start packing your clothes. just as you stood, another tsunami of misery slammed into you. you paused, back facing him.

"i just.. don't understand." you whispered, "i thought we were so happy. were you bored? is that it? we've been together so long that you got tired of the same old thing?"

before he could speak, you spoke again, voice heavy with tears, "and why don't i want you to feel the same hurt i do? i should, right? i should be angry and cursing your name and not want to be anywhere near you. i should have left you there at the party and let someone else take care of you."

"why didn't you?" he mumbled after a beat of silence.

"because i'm truly in love with you." you finally looked over to meet his gaze, "i guess soulmates really don't exist, huh?"

-

true to your word, you were gone by morning. you had everything in your car, leaving a note on the counter for kirishima to read once he woke up.

thankfully, you'd arranged to stay with a friend while you searched for a place to relocate. you expected it to take less than a month if you looked consistently and weren't too picky.

what you didn't expect, however, was a message from the one and only katsuki bakugo.

it was him requesting to meet up with you at a coffee shop you were familiar with, which you reluctantly agreed to. as soon as you sent the text, however, you knew it was a bad idea. he was friends with kirishima and was probably only meeting with you because he asked him to.

it was too late, you decided, so you went to get ready for your mysterious rendezvous.

once time rolled around and you were seated at the table with him, you were shocked to find that he met with you on his own accord.

"i don't do people favors. especially cheaters." he’d explained after you mentioned your concern.

it stung. the reminder.

bakugo must've noticed because he swiftly distracted you.

"stop staring off into space, idiot. i invited you here for a reason."

you found that he wanted to help you. when asked why, he just looked off to the side, as if contemplating.

"i know how you feel. let me help you."

"i thought you don't do people favors, bakugo?"

"listen, do you want my help or not?"

you did. you really did. you felt so alone and tired.

so you agreed. and the rest was history.

BONUS:

you eventually fell out of love with kirishima. he'd always have a special place in your heart, but time managed to heal the wound you thought would be the death of you.

of course, you still had love for him, but when you saw the flash of hurt in his eyes after you exchanged vows with bakugo, you couldn’t bring yourself to feel any regret.

you likes? eh? eh? 👀 seriously tho i hope this was what you wanted 🥺 reblogs appreciated !

are you in pain, @zuroki ? hope so <3

[dreamkidddream]

AHHHHH OKAY IM SORRY BUT I JUST SAW THE CUTEST TREND ON TIKTOK AND JUST HAD TO WRITE THIS

So it’s basically where one partner is complaining about how their shirt smells and when the other person leans down to smell it their forehead gets kissed 🥺 so I had to write it for the bros 😭 I’m still doing the prompt special tho but take this as a thank you gift/self indulgent. Heavy on the ✨self indulgent✨ Reader is gender neutral!

The Brothers and Forehead Kisses (Tiktok Trend)

Lucifer

MC ew, he doesn’t want to smell your shirt if it stinks

Why would he want to do that

But you were so persistent and would not stop pestering him until he sniffed it, and he has paperwork to do so he doesn’t have time to waste

If this was a prank and Satan and/or Belphie put you up to you’re going to regret it

Rolling his eyes, he leaned down to smell only to feel your lips gently kiss his forehead

Very confused until you asked him if he smelt it. He did the same thing and got the same result

So this was your little prank, huh?

Honeslty doesn’t mind it, and is a little smug about it too

If you just wanted to kiss him, why didn’t you say so? He will happily grant your request

He rather do the kissing and on another body part, but he can never complain when it comes to you

10/10 recommend forehead kisses with Lucifer

He won’t outright ask you for them, but he will be expecting them for now on (especially when he’s stressed). Your kisses are possibly his only weakness (not that he’ll ever say that), and makes him feel all warm inside

You make him feel warm inside MC

Mammon

He’s definitely done the sniff test on his own clothes more than once, so has no problem smelling

The only problem he had was the instant butterflies in his stomach and the blush across his face after you kissed his forehead

“Oi human! W-what do ya think ya doin’?!”

Is embarrassed and acts like the kisses are unwanted (he’s not fooling anyone), until you do it again and again and again

Very dopey and starts to complain when you pull away

“Hey! You started this, s-so ya gotta finish it! And I’m- I’m not done yet!”

You dumb human! Making him feel all these emotions for you. Now you gotta take responsibility! He’s the Great Mammon after all, and he only gets the best!

He’s lying MC don’t ever stop loving on him you’re already the best

Bonus: give him forehead kisses whenever he’s upset during your pep talks and he’ll marry you on the spot. Also becomes his favorite kiss and expects them everyday

Leviathan

KING of the sniff test

Man almost never leaves his room and is either gaming or binging anime (sometimes both) 25/8 what do you expect?

Has a heart attack when you kissed his forehead

Not really but he felt like he was

Face completely red, including ears, he couldn’t even stutter out his question of why you were doing this

Were you pranking him? Was this a trick?! Why would someone like you (WAAY out of his league) kiss a yucky otaku like him?

You saw that he was getting that look again, so you pecked his forehead over and over

Completely shuts down, but in a good way!

Give him forehead kisses forever MC, especially when he’s upset in his degrading mood or about to go in a jealous rage

Becomes exclusively your thing

Satan

Another one that doesn’t want to smell your shirt

If you think it smells then change??? He doesn’t understand why you’re still wearing it

Have to practically FORCE his head to your chest, and he finally gives in

Was pleasantly surprised to feel the kiss

You make him fluster so bad MC that he chokes lmao

Tries to act smug about it at first, but you caught him off guard and he is not mad about that

Kisses your forehead everyday before you leave the house: whether it’s for RAD, hanging out, whatever reason doesn’t matter

Does it everyday, and in front of everyone ESPECIALLY in front of Lucifer, he lives to spite this man

Makes him feel like he’s a part of his own love story, and that he finally had a happy ending

Asmodeus

You are NOT fooling this man

If you want him to smell you, you gotta lie and say you sprayed some perfume or cologne and want his opinion

Well why didn’t you say so? He’ll be honored that you want his opinion but who wouldn’t? He’s Asmodeus, the best-

Did you just kiss his forehead?

Naughty MC, if it’s a kiss you wanted you didn’t have to trick him to get it~

But he didn’t mind. It makes him feel loved, a different kind, way different than what he feels from his fans, if the deep blush on his face is anything to go off of

Forehead kisses are something reserved just for you! And it doesn’t matter if it’s him kissing yours or the opposite, he loves it. He lives for it now, but only for you. This is something that his fans can never have, and they feel just a little salty about it, but they can’t stay mad for long. It’s Asmo, and MC always brings out this glow from him, and they do kinda look cute together...

Surprisingly he rather do this behind closed doors. Has no problem with kissing you in public, but it’s just more personal when it’s just you two

Keep this up MC and he may start loving you more than himself-

JK he’s obviously first place

But you have him doubting that sometimes, and it doesn’t bother him as much as he thought it would

Beelzebub

Does the sniff test sometimes, but only because if he smells food on it he gets hungry and sometimes tempted to eat the shirt

He can’t help it

You want him to smell you- your shirt? Doesn’t mind, you already smell good and he does have the strongest sense of smell in the house (probably ever tbh), so it makes sense

Now Beel is one tall demon. All the brothers are pretty tall, but he’s the tallest (even if he isn’t he’s still huge), so kissing his forehead was a challenge on his own

Is deathly quiet for a few seconds, expression serious. Then...

You see the widest smile along with the red spreading across his cheeks. Purposely continues to do it even after he knows it’s a prank, doesn’t care

You awakened the beast MC

Fully expects these kisses for now on. Every. Single. Day. Not that you mind in the slightest

He goes to you whenever he feels like he needs it. Feeling famished and food isn’t working? Forehead kisses make him feel full. Need good luck for practice and on game days? Those kisses give him an extra boost. Bored? You and your kisses are more than enough to entertain him

ALSO KISSES YOUR FOREHEAD NO EXCEPTIONS

Comes to you literally any time of the day to get your kisses. It’s better than anything he ever eats. Makes him feel better too!

Anything filled with love from you is better

Belphegor

MC what do you want?? He’s trying to sleep, and he doesn’t want to smell your smelly sweatshirt

Does the sniff test on his own clothes, but is petty enough to turn his nose at you

Maybe if you lay down and cuddle with him, he can probably take a whiff...

You fall for it (or so he thinks). So when he feels your soft lips on him, it’s enough to wake him up

You humans, always finding a way to trick people! Not that he cares that this trick has his heart racing and the tip of his ears burning

We all know he’s a sucker for affection no matter how much he tries to lie and deny it. So imagine how much he’s loving something so domestic like this

Is acting so shy, complaining about how unfair you are in teasing him, but you don’t miss the way his eyes flick from your lips to your own eyes, and the way that he positions himself for you to have easy access to kiss him again

Becomes your thing whether you like or not (spoiler alert: you do) and I mean just your thing. Besides from Beel, he’s pouting if you decide to do this to his other brothers. He’s the only one that should have your kisses, not his annoying and undeserving brothers! If you’re really sorry, you can apologize by giving him 10x the usual pecks and sleeping in his arms

Forehead kisses before napping and before going to bed >>>

The thought that he shouldn’t be forgiven still lingers in the back of his head, but whenever you give him that soft smooch on his forehead, it’s forgotten momentarily

You’re too good for him MC

You make him feel so cherished, so loved. He doesn’t know how he can repay you, make you feel the same, but these kisses are a good start

SN: should I do this for the BSD and MHA crew too 🤔? Cause I will 🌚 it’ll probably get done anyway lmao

[nn1895]

AU August Fic 23

Infinity Loop

Notes: Not really an AU, but I couldn’t resist. Also, look!  It’s short!

Wheeljack was keeping a secret and Prowl and Jazz looked exhausted.

Ratchet knew he needed to investigate whatever insanity they’d concocted.  He knew that as their medic it was his job to be the hovering wrench that kept them from stupidly injuring themselves.

Any one of them he could handle, but to take on all three he was going to need help.  

He enlisted Optimus and Ironhide.  Ironhide because he was impervious to Jazz’s silver speech and half truths.  Optimus because Prowl, despite Prowl’s frequently loud disagreements, had never been able to lie to the Prime.

Every now and then he tried.  It was very entertaining.

He chose Wheeljack for himself because he knew all his friend’s little tells.  Plus, he was the only one on the ships (aside from Perceptor who would just join in the idiocy) that Wheeljack could techno-jargon into confusion.  Ratchet actually knew what a polyphasic interaction was.

So, Ratchet handed the medbay over to First Aid and cornered his friend in his lab one morning.

“Oh!  Hi Ratchet!” Wheeljack said, immediately stepping behind one of his workstations.  He was wearing his “I haven’t done anything wrong” smile which was a tell. He was also pulling out a cleaning cloth and polishing the table - another tell.

“How are you, Jackie?  Been doing anything illegal?”

The biggest tell was probably that Wheeljack took that moment to try and bolt for the door.

0-0-0

“Now,” said Ratchet, standing over a pinned Wheeljack, “Let’s try this again.  What’s been going on with you and Prowl and Jazz?”  He held up his portable tractor beam.

On the ground, Wheeljack wiggled and frowned and then started talking very fast.

“So I was running late on a lot of my experiments and I thought to myself, Hey!  What if I had extra time to work on all of them?  I know Optimus doesn’t like us messing with time travel and if someone walked in and there were four of me in the lab that would be bad.  Plus that weakens the fabric of reality and I don’t think I’d actually get anything done if there were four of me.  We’d all still want to work on each other’s projects.  

“So I thought - what about a time loop!  I was watching some of the human’s movies - Delorians are awesome! - and I found a couple where humans get stuck in time loops and they learn how to do things because the day keeps repeating so they have endless time to learn stuff!  So I set it up and -”

“And it went wrong,” Ratchet interrupted, sitting down heavily on a stool.  But Wheeljack was shaking his helm vigorously.

“Oh no!  I put in a bunch of failsafes!  It set it up for my lab only, for only an hour and I put in four different shut off points - even some alerts that I had to acknowledge or it would pull me out of the loop in case I got carried away and forgot the time!  I was very careful Ratchet!”

That actually was very careful for Wheeljack.

“So what went wrong?”  Silence.  “Jackie?”

“Jazz found out about it!” he whispered, looking around as if the spy himself would pop out of the vents.  “He made me explain how it worked and then he said that, as a member of the command staff, he needed to make sure it was safe!”  Wheeljack’s servos were going a mile a minute, like he was trying to wave away Ratchet’s anger, fins flashing through colors faster than a screensaver.

���And you bought that.”  This proved once again, that there a sliding scale with Innovative Genius and Common sense on either end.

“Everything was fine - he brought Prowl - and he asked to use it every other week so he and Prowl could get some paperwork done -”

“Oh Primus.”  Ratchet suddenly knew where this was going.

“And then I found out that they’d hijacked my safety measures and the loop was an infinity loop, where it just started itself over and over again.  They eventually managed to fix it, but um, they may have taken advantage of all that…uninterrupted time…”  Wheeljack’s fins were growing steadily pinker as he spoke.

“Yeah, I can’t imagine what those two newbonds would do with endless time on their servos.”

Wheeljack was looking very firmly at his twisting servos.  “Um, yeah.  I think that’s why they wanted it in the first place…”

Perfect.

0-0-0

“An’ then, then ‘e said,” Ironhide roared with laughter again.  Apparently Jazz had spared no detail when Ironhide had confronted him over drinks that afternoon.

Ratchet now knew far more about why they were both so tired than he really wanted to.

On the other servo, Optimus had said nothing since talking to Prowl.  Occasionally he opened his mouth, squeaked, and his field flared with mortification, but that was all.  He was so stiff, Beachcomber could use him for a surfboard.

Ratchet thought about throwing them both in the brig, but they only had one cell and he didn’t want to subject the guards to that.