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hinasxvii · 3 months ago

Text

~~~~~

Paranoia

2.8k words

After an assassination attempt on your life, you opt to spending your nights in the library. Tonight, however, Zaros catches you in a lie and distracts you from what you are clearly trying to forget.

A/N: This takes place after Episode 5 and was in progress before Episode 6 came out. And just in case, for TWs, there are implications of the Earis wanting to die, but it's not that serious because it was just a moment of weakness and they snapped themselves out of it. It is also just a small flashback so we move on from it pretty quickly. Happy reading :)

~~~~~

The air in the library grows colder the longer you stay here. You wish that you remembered to bring a blanket with you in your hurry to get to your destination.

It's eerily quiet, but it's still better than the room you were almost killed in.

You stare at the page in front of you, your vision beginning to blur as you zone out, trying to read a book you've only read ten times before. But this is the only distraction that's worked the best for you this far. Walking in the gardens, lighting scented candles, drinking camomile tea before bed: all these methods amounted to nothing.

Your eyes start to hurt, so you cover them with your hands. Everything goes dark and the silence only emphasises it, causing you to think about why you're even here in the first place. So much for a distraction.

You remember it all it too clearly: staring at the receiving end of a crossbow in a place and time you were vulnerable. However, in that moment, you felt strangely at peace. The thought of dying didn't feel so wrong anymore. But as soon as the thought appeared in your head, it left just as quickly.

Your brother, whose whole life laid ahead of him, was robbed of the chance of becoming King of Serulla, so now you bear the burden of his responsibilities and your mother's expectations. But even so, it would've been unfair to him for you to take an arrow to the head and end your family's bloodline entirely, and willingly too.

So you didn't. The love you feel for your family outweighs the guilt of your brother's death and your existence.

One moment, death was staring you right in the eye and the next, you were holding a bloody dagger. You weren't sure if the stab was lethal. You hope it wasn't because your conscience can only take so much. At least the assassin escaped before you could ever find out.

The memory plagues you night and day. You'd think that you've known death enough at this point to not fear it. But you see their cold eyes in your nightmares, hear their voice around every corner when its dark out. You feel blood dripping down your hand over and over and over again-

"You do know the theory trial is over, right?"

Snapped out of your daydream, you look up to see Zaros staring down at you from the opposite side of the table with arms folded and his eyebrow raised.

"So, what now? I can't read at all anymore?" You ask, mirroring his expression.

Zaros chuckles, amusement dripping from his tongue, "It's two o' clock in the morning, my dear Earis. Any reading you wish to do can wait for later, surely. You should be sleeping like everyone else."

Even through your anxiety, you notice the way his voice softens at the end and the way his eyes gleam with something kinder than before. With a stupid yearning in your chest, you wish he looked at you like this, always.

"And what of you? If I am to be sleeping, then should you not be in bed as well?"

"I had trouble sleeping, so I decided to find something to read to tire me out a little," he says with indifference before shifting his attention to you. "You, however, have been here since who knows when."

"How would you know if I haven't been able to sleep either and came to the library to do the very same thing?"

Zaros gives you a look of disbelief and says sarcastically, "Yes, because I'm sure you slept in the same outfit you wore the entire day."

You break eye contact with Zaros, cheeks heating up at being caught in a lie. It is only now that you realise you haven't changed out of your clothes from the day before and that Zaros is in his sleepwear, covered by a red and black silk gown.

His dark blonde hair cascades down his shoulders without the usual styling or hair accessories that you are accustomed to seeing, framing his chest where you notice tan skin peeking out from beneath his shirt.

"Tell me."

"...Tell you what?"

"What's keeping you here. You've read all these books ten times over, so it can't possibly be you brushing up on your knowledge of..." he trails off, looking at the book on the table, "Serullian Sword Dancing. Tch, as if you need that."

"It shouldn't concern you what I choose to do at two in the morning, Sarl. This is my home, and I can do whatever I want, whenever I want."

Zaros isn't surprised at your entitlement, but it doesn't stop him from asking the question that he already knows the answer to.

"Is it because of the attempted assassination the other night?"

"I'm not paranoid if that's what you're implying," you say defensively, your heart racing at another obvious lie.

"I never said you were... but it's pretty obvious, don't you think? I guess you're lucky I was the one who found you here, and not your mother."

"More like unfortunate," you snarl. "If all you came here to do was berate me, then I suggest you leave."

Zaros wishes you didn't treat him this way, as if you hate him, because he knows you don't. If you did, then you wouldn't have joined him for late night study sessions and strolls in the gardens during the past months. He wishes that you would just open up to him about how you feel instead of hiding away like prey from a predator. He wishes that he could relieve you of your stress, not add to it.

"Come. Let's go," he says finally before walking towards your side of the table.

"As if I'll follow you anywhere."

Scorn weaves its way into your speech, your eyes glaring at Zaros' earnest ones. Your words contradict the feelings in your chest, because you would. You'd follow him blindly to the ends of the earth, but your fear of vulnerability keeps you silent, the thought of correcting yourself dying on your tongue.

"Just... do it. Please."

Zaros stares at you pleadingly, his jade eyes conveying nothing but sincerity in the low lamp light. Your heart sinks as it fills with guilt. You feel like putty in his delicate hands.

"...Fine."

In complete silence, you rise from your chair and follow him out of the library with your lamp in hand. You're not sure where he's taking you, but you don't mind it. His presence wraps around you like a blanket and gives you that same sense of warmth and security. You would trust him with your entire being if it came to it.

~~~~~

It is no surprise that Zaros leads you right back to your bedroom. It's late, you still have not dressed into your nightwear and Zaros didn't even read a book like he intended because of your bickering.

The hallways are dim, but the bodyguards, which have doubled over the past two weeks, are visible, their metal vests reflecting the light of the torches lining the walls.

The entire walk there was silent. Neither of you had anything to say to one another and the hour only grew later with each step. All you did during those fifteen minutes of walking was stare at the back of Zaros' head and wonder how you even got here in the first place.

It was just the other day that the Noble Trials were announced, you and him getting into an argument on the first day. Fast forward a few months, and you're being led back to your room at quarter past two in the morning. It reminds you of the time you followed him back to the ballroom after too much wine. How is it that you and him always end up like this?

"Well, here we are," he says, staring up at the large wooden doors in front of him, gold decorating the surface.

Your heartbeat picks up speed at the thought of going back in there. You clench your jaw in an attempt to hide your fear, a fear you forgot you had in the last fifteen minutes, and put on a brave face.

"Come on," he yawns. "Talking to you has certainly made me tired. I'm ready to head to bed and so should you."

"Thank you for the concern," you say dismissively. "You may leave."

Zaros looks you up and down as you wait for him to leave first before entering, which he finds odd, seeing as you often like to slam doors in his face.

"...Are you alright?"

"Of course I am," you respond, feigning indifference.

Before you can continue lying, Zaros rolls his eyes and brushes past you, bursting into your room himself. Your eyes widen in shock and you immediately follow in after him, closing the door behind you.

"What are you doing?! Are you insane?" You shout in a low voice, panicking, "There are guards outside who saw everything! I..! Zaros, are you even listening to me?!"

Your shouting whispers do nothing to get Zaros out of your space. He continues to search through your room, checking under your bed and behind every curtain. He even opened your cupboards and bathroom door. At first, anger and confusion took over, but the longer you stared at him, the more you realised what he was doing.

Zaros was checking to see if your room was safe.

"There. All done. I hope you'll stop lying to me now."

His intentions meant nothing to you. You are upset that Zaros saw right through you and acted on it. Not only that, he invaded your privacy, almost giving you a heart attack in the process. You didn't ask him to do this. You didn't ask for any of this.

"Well, I didn't give you permission to burst into my bedroom like this," you say with burning rage. "I don't know what it is you think you've done for me, but I was perfectly fine before you disturbed me. Now. Get. Out."

Zaros scoffs. "Do you ever say thank you?"

"Not when it's for something uncalled for."

"Is it really uncalled for if it helps you sleep at night?"

There is a constant push and pull and you are at war with yourself. Your eyes trail to the balcony and then to the bed where flashbacks of a stranger threatening you surface in your mind. Your gaze then lands on Zaros as he stands where your mother did when she told you to forget what happened that night, to not be weak and to focus on the Trials.

Suddenly, the room feels too small and the lights are too bright and you just wish the storm inside you would cease.

"I thought I told you to leave. I'm fine!"

"You don't look fine."

"Then stop looking!"

Silence. The only thing that can be heard is the sound of your heavy breathing and the flowing curtains brushing the floor. Zaros looks surprised at your outburst and does not know what to make of your facial expressions. He wasn't sure if he wanted to go that far, to push your buttons, but he did anyway. And you don't know if you feel grateful or angry about it yet.

You're just so exhausted, not only wishing you aren't haunted by their face every night, but also avoiding the new guards' eyes and the nobles' pitying stares. You lay awake in the dark for hours until the sun rises, fearing for your life and wondering if you're doing something wrong.

You've never felt this scared for your life. But to be seen afraid? To have someone else notice the fear in your eyes? It terrifies you just as much.

A repeat of the conversation you had with your mother plays in your head. She said that rulers are stronger than that, that your life will only become more endangered as time goes on and that you mustn't let something as trivial as an assassin deter you from what's important.

Trivial, she says. As if her last child dying from an arrow to the head will get her the legacy she so desperately wants.

"I already have the Queen breathing down my neck to focus on the Trials. I don't need another person's poor opinion of me to worry about."

So that's what this is about, he thinks.

Zaros moves away from the balcony and walks towards you slowly. Your first thought is to take a few steps back, but you resist the urge. You won't let him see you be less than you are. You cannot.

"Just because your mother thinks you're weak doesn't mean I, nor anyone else for that matter, does. Just because she's used to this sort of thing doesn't mean you are. It was unfair of her to say that to you... Just as it was unfair of me to come in here and do as I please. And for that I am sorry."

Zaros doesn't fully understand this fear of yours. Being terrified of losing your life makes sense, but being just as scared of your mother's view of you confuses him. However, it's no surprise, really. This is but another thing that you don't have in common. This is where your similarities end, not that you two had very many to begin with anyway.

In a moment of awkward silence, your gaze leaves the floor to look up at your rival. Zaros stares at you with a look you're not very familiar with coming from him, but can recognise all the same.

His eyes - the window to his soul - shows no malice. No mockery or take-backs or any sort of regret. Just pure concern.

"You know... you don't have to keep everything to yourself. I'm here if you need anything. We're not just rivals anymore."

Ignoring the simmering heat of anxiety in your chest, your body feels calmer than before; lighter. You seem to have forgotten what he did mere minutes ago because his words are a comfort to you. Your rage boils down to nothing as you repeat his words over and over in your head. After all this commotion, Zaros knows just how to chase your demons away.

He knows you like the inside of your hand. He memorised the way the lines crease and your scars fade. He knows what rings you wear on which fingers and the mark you have on your left palm from your nervous habit. Zaros knows you more than you think he does, but you are oblivious to it all.

He understands though, knowing how you think you keep all your cards close to your chest. He knows he can be transparent to a fault, but you are still just as closed off as you were eight years ago. Zaros wishes you were just a little bit like him sometimes.

"Thank you, Zaros."

Instead of receiving the usual "You're welcome" from him, he steps closer. Just when you think he's about to stop, he grabs the back of your head gently before placing a soft kiss on your forehead.

"Don't ever think about dying on me again," he whispers while caressing your cheek.

Although delayed, your internal alarms go off and you pull away from him instinctively. Not from resentment or disgust, but from the unrecognizable beat of your heart.

"What in heavens was that?!"

"Something to distract you from it all. Why? Didn't you like it?" Zaros shoots you a teasing smile while walking backwards to the door.

"No, of course not! I- Well-!" You sputter, the blush from earlier filling your cheeks again, "O' for the Ten's sake, just get out!"

Even after all this, he still finds the time to tease you.

Zaros' laugh reverberates throughout the room and you suddenly wish to hear it forever. You want to ask him to stay, to spend the night. You want to tell him of your loneliness and about how empty the space feels. You don't know if the kiss meant anything more to him. You don't know if it was simply a way to calm you down or if there were feelings hidden deep beneath it, but you are too hesitant to find out. So you keep your thoughts to yourself, and you let him go.

"Goodnight, Zaros."

"Goodnight, my dear Earis."

As if you didn't have enough surprises tonight, Zaros bows low before turning around and leaving. Not once in his life has he ever bowed to you in a place where it was just you and him. If you weren't confused about Zaros' feelings for you before, you definitely are now.

With a somewhat clearer head and a racing heart, you lock the balcony door and get ready for bed. You spend your last moments awake thinking about how his lips felt on your skin and how he treated you with such care and tenderness. Although sleep does not come to you immediately with the kiss on your mind, it overcomes you quicker than it has in the last two weeks. Out of all the things you could've experienced to get rid of your paranoia, this was the best distraction of them all.

~~~~~

A/N: FINALLY. I have been working on this since Eyes like jade vine was posted and I'm so glad it's done now. I was really busy with finals last year on top of me being a slow writer, so it's kind of a miracle that I finished this. Also WDYM ITS 2.8K WORDS THAT WAS NOT THE PLAN LMAO

There is something about the second scene that im not entirely happy with but i dont think i have the capacity rn to make it better so I am content with it for now. I'm also not a huge fan of the moodboard but it's fine. I actually made it before I finished the fic so maybe that's why lol

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed reading! I'm writing another fic called The Pomegranate Theory, but, again, idk if I'll finish it any time soon. I think I have more fun talking about my fics than actually writing it ��

Lastly, I feel like this is a shameless plug, but if you want to read my other Zaros fics, they are over here:

All the same

Eyes like jade vine

Only you among devils

#zsakuva #sakuverse #zsakuva zaros #zaros atha’lin #zaros x earis #the noble trials #zsakuva earis

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