#i can’t exist without someone trying to sell me something

[earthwormspaghetti]

The constant stream of ads is insane. Even my high school foyer isn’t safe; on the speakers they play hours of spotify free, leading to hours and hours of nothing but ads, with only a few seconds of actual music playing in between. I cannot study or have a snack or read or even listen to my own music without being bombarded with ads, blaring from speakers near the ceiling.

I go out to take the bus? It’s just one big moving billboard. I wanna take the train? Haha no peace and quiet for you, someone’s gonna be blasting ads and music, while the walls of the train car are papered with posters.

You want some fresh fruit from the market?? Nope, no safety there, there will be stickers for local car dealerships or supermarkets all over them.

You want to learn a new language? You want to use an app in order to not have to take classes in person? Nah, at the end of every lesson there’s gonna be a 30 to 60 second ad. Sometimes even in the beginning of the lesson, too!

You want to ask a question but can’t get an answer in person, so you look it up on an internet browser? Yeah haha the first two pages are just going to be sponsored ads, product placements, sites that look normal but actually redirect you to a paying porn site, and sites that are so riddled with ads themselves; it’s like the advertisements are maggots eating the site’s decaying corpse.

You have a telephone to contact your family? You’ll be getting an average of 2 spam calls per day, advertising everything from life insurance to mobile data plans. Sometimes they’ll even call you as many as 16 times in one day. (This is a personal experience).

You want to eat out because you don’t have the time to make yourself a quick meal? All the napkins will just be slightly soft, pliable ads. Maybe you’ll even be given a card to visit another place you can buy services of goods!

[kavehater]

Man I just give up.

[gremlingottoosilly]

Lego still not sponsoring me (dark!Konig x fem!Reader)

Konig is a nerd who needs to get sprayed with water for being a fucking creep. You're an adorable cashier at the Lego Store in Berlin who doesn't know any better and is too nice to lose. He will have you. Mostly because he wants someone to do his Lego sets with.

Details count: 2922 AO3 TW and Tags: Dub-con/Non-con, age gap, size difference, kidnapping, awkward colonel Konig, nerd Konig, hurt/comfort, Konig's POV(mostly), awkward German, yandere Konig.

You didn’t want to build Millenium Falcon with him. 

You didn’t want to shower or eat, you didn’t want to do anything besides crying, and even though your tears, as he expected, were beautiful and adorable, it was kinda hard for König to take care of your mental and physical needs while he was rock hard from watching you cry so sweetly. 

König is patient, kind, and a model citizen through and through. Why are you upset? He is doing everything he can, just to make you smile! Seriously, Schatzi, the desire to make him as miserable as you possibly can doesn’t make you pretty or cute or even the least bit adorable. Good thing that he is used to feeling sad and kinda of bullied – you’re lucky he doesn’t even try to feel good anymore. Not in his destiny book to live a good life. — I brought food. 

You groan lightly, whimpering somewhere in the corner of his basement. To your justification, his basement is a bit dirty. He forgot to visit the house for months after deployment, which was never enough to fill out the blanks of loneliness in the empty rooms. His dogshits methods of choosing decorations also made the mere existence in the house a hard mission even in itself. He looked at the anime posters in the guest rooms, which made him want to sell the property to anyone willing to pay 50 Euros for the processing fees. The posters(Sword Art Online because why the hell not, he likes cool swords and a power fantasy about a loser getting the chick) and artwork of his queen and savior, The Busty Blond Lady From Fate because, unlike those waifu-obsessed freaks, he did have a life and not enough time to actually remember her name. Something about light sabers. Or cats. — Are you going to kill me? 

He sighs because you sound like a broken record. All the time – the questions about his intentions, like you can’t see the tent in his pants every time you open your eyes, about letting you go, about at least allowing you to text your family that you decided to change your country of residence and would need to revoke your German visa. You’re way more soft than he thought you’d initially be – no fighting, no arguing, just pure terror and desire to die every time his hands brush over you. König is a sweet guy, as sweet as someone like him can be – but he only has a few weeks until his next mission, and even a few days of your moping around is bound to make him not just blue-balled, but also very, extremely, offensively hot-headed. 

He spent two days with you chained up in his basement and, he thinks, that should be enough for foreplay. He is extremely generous and kind – usually, at this point, he’d already start breaking the fingers of whoever poor fuck is his torture victim for the mission. 

— I don’t want to kill you. 

You whimper – somehow, his answer didn’t calm you down. Fucking women and their inability to talk to their kidnappers – he considers spiking your food just this once, so he could have a nice session with your little drunk self and some roofies but, of course, he is a nice guy who brought you takeout in a reheatable container, with a cute plastic fork and some sparkling water in a glass, just so you won’t feel like he is making you eat some garbage. It’s good food, too – he’d love to cook like this, but the heights of his skills are runny eggs and burnt coffee. He hopes you like the Italian because it’s the most inoffensive stuff he could have brought you without resorting to pizza and cup noodles. He will never let you eat cup noodles on his watch. 

— Are you going to rape me? 

He can’t exactly say no because, as a matter of fact, pulling your cute body under his is one of his intentions. He wanted to do it since he was you in this fucking store, but, of course. saying this to a pretty girl is lame. And completely counter-productive. And would make him a villain in your eyes, even though he tries so fucking hard to be a hero. He can make you feel good if you were to just open your pretty legs for him and moan under his tongue – god knows, he wants to make you feel good. He wonders what would it take for him to please you. If he could have a full-time job at this. 

— Nein. Thought I told you already. 

— I don’t…I shouldn’t believe you. 

He shook his head, pushing the plate(he had to go out of his way to actually put the pasta from the tray to a proper plate, enjoy this, woman) towards you. You’re adorable like this – naked, trembling, a bit too weak to actually fight him over not eating anything for the past two days – you’re repeating the same conversation over and over again and König wouldn’t mind living in a groundhog day if the loop would end with his fucking you on that thin mattress each time. 

Speaking of mattresses – he needs to get you a thicker one. 

Speaking of thicker mattresses – he needs to relocate you into his bedroom as soon as possible. 

Speaking of his bedroom – he is fucking bricked. 

— If you don’t trust me, why do you ask? 

You bite your lips. He can see you’re hungry and thirsty – he doesn’t want to forcefully feed you, so, yeah, you better be very hungry very soon. He pushes the plate towards you, hoping you won’t launch it on his head. He survived worse, a 6’4 British dude in a ski mask falling on him with the speed of Brexit, but getting hit by a plate when your angry girlfriend is being an angry girlfriend is…the best thing that could ever happen to him, actually. Gott, he is miserable. 

— I…I don’t know. Don’t want to get killed. 

— I won’t kill you. 

— But you will hurt me. 

— I don’t have to do that, Liebling. 

No, he doesn’t. 

But he sees the way your plushy thighs are squeezing into that tiny corner where your mat is, your squishy body getting all shaky and trembly, your lips in a tight line with tiny blood droplets from biting on them too much – and, by his fucking god, you’re beautiful. He wants to make you wet, to make you squirm, to make you beg and cry for mercy as he pounds into the sweetness of your cunt. He wants to try you on the inside and out, lick you all over from the inside, and then make you lick your love juices from his lips. 

König knows he is hard and can’t really hide it – it’s useless now, really, he is being very nice and considerate to you. Changing your life is hard, especially with how quickly you moved to his place – like a good boyfriend, he should help you adjust. And aid you in recognizing that he is, in fact, your boyfriend and future husband. The perfect partner to ever exist. — What is it? 

— Pasta. It’s…it’s good. Should be good. He is nervous, anxious. Seeing a pretty girl in her natural habitat – a Lego store – is one thing. He was barely able to talk to you properly, especially right after his deployment, where the only female attention he ever got was Roze asking to cover her or additional female soldiers groaning in pain as he stomped them. But you…he shouldn’t be colonel around you – absolutely not. You’re soft and civilian, you’re as polite as a girl in a basement could be, and you deserve to have something nice for once in your life. Licking his lips, König gently picks up a fork and presses a small amount of pasta – rich, creamy, with some nice cheese that smells divine - -against your lips. 

You refuse.

A smart move, he could have poisoned it – so he thinks for a few seconds, staring at you like a smart girlie you are, and then – lifts his hood. If only barely, revealing his scarred chin and bruised lips. The initial swelling after getting his head bumped by a guy who was speaking like an edgy teenager in the Counter-Strike lobby was already gone by the time he managed to get you into his basement – but no amount of rest could hide all other marks from his job. 

Despite being a seasoned mercenary with hundreds of killed targets and completed objectives, he feels…insecure. You’re a nice girl, a good girl, the type that used to look at him with hatred while he was bullied at school. Hatred or pity – but you only look at him with fear, and it cements his understanding that you’re not going to give in to loving him so easily.

König sighs deeply, his lips, curved into that awkward, boyish smile that creeps on his face every time he as much as thinks about you, now transforming into a scowl as you proceed to whimper and try to get lost in the wall behind you. Like he wouldn’t be able to track your scent if you would disappear. He slowly presses his fork towards his mouth, chewing on the food – showing you that it’s not poisoned. 

He smiles again when he sees you slowly parting your lips, expecting him to feed you with less of a fuss. He’d propose something else – maybe even untying your hands and allowing you to actually for yourself, but something in your helpless state made his cock throb in his pants. God, König knows he isn’t his strongest soldier, but could he please make you less adorable? He doesn’t want to push you on your knees and make you suck on him until he whimpers, but the way you lick all of the cheese from your lips and try your best to look presentable in front of him… The process of feeding someone shouldn’t really be sexual, but König gently pushes the hair away from your face and lifts up the fork over and over, sometimes only changing to bring a glass of water to your lips. He can do this all day. Every day. Pleasing you already becomes second nature – and he spends most of his life thinking that the only thing he can take care of is his rifle and a few tortured enemies that need their teeth extracted. You require gentle handling – and he wants nothing more but to give you that. Just…a bit later. Preferably after the already came in your pussy at least two or three times and made you choke on his dick as a little thank-you gift. 

You finish eating after a short while, thanking him for bringing you a napkin to clean your lips. König gently caresses your head, enjoying the sensation of your hair under his palm – it’s like petting a cat. A soft little pet just for him and no one else – if only he could actually bring you to like him. He has a few bond activities in mind, though. — You liked it, ja? 

You lick your lips again, and his breath hitches. This is going to be hard, this is going to be impossible, it’s worse than having to work with high Krueger on a ship that made everyone feel like they were the ones doing crack in the backroom of their makeshift base. 

— I…I did. 

He pets your head again like you’re his pet – and you gently move your head to lean into his touch. Perhaps you’re dumber than he thinks. Or way smarter – a clever strategy to make him relax and nice to you without making him too suspicious. You slowly get back into your corner, but König wouldn’t have any of it – he drags you back by your arm, making you whimper and sob in his hold. It’s bad, he doesn’t want you to squirm from under him as much as you do, but…if you don’t want to be a good girl, he might as well force you to. 

You cry as he pushes you deep into the corner, his hands roaming over your body. Thank god he ripped your clothes before you woke up – now there isn’t anything protecting you from his hands, not even that adorable bra he ripped in pieces because, as much as he loved wearing a uniform with straps and buttons everywhere, he could not figure out how to take this thing off you without breaking it. The last time he was sleeping with a woman, she wore a sports bra that could be taken off easily. It’s your fault that you decided to be more girly, really. Not his. 

His hands cup your breasts roughly. Tugs and twists your nipples, a few shaky moans telling him exactly how sensitive you are – he might not have a girl in a hot minute, too busy with being the best freaking mercenary in the world, but even he knows how to take care of a pretty thing like you. Your tits fit in his hands perfectly, even more, reasons to believe you were just made for him. Not for some lame job at a Lego store counter – you should be waiting on your knees in his bedroom, with your mouth open wide and neat to fit his cock right in. With some sweet things lingering on your tongue as he bullies himself right in, getting what he deserves for protecting peace – and installing violence – while doing his job. He might not be the best freaking guy around, but he deserves something nice. 

He pinches your nipples until they’re firm and swollen, every little cry escaping from your lips is only encouraging him to proceed. Licks on the open skin of your neck until his eneve stubble makes you whimper from how sensitive you are – it should be painful, he thinks, with how bloody the little bite marks from his teeth have become. 

König marks you as thoroughly as possible, smiling each time you cry and beg for him to stop. You’re changing between bad German and good English, between loud cries and small whimpers, which he can’t determine from pleasure to pain. Not like he cares, too determined to make you cry his name – even though you probably don’t know it. All of his desires to claim you taking full power now, not listening to the way you plead with him. Whimper for him. Your skin is a clear canvas, allowing him to paint you with hickeys and marks, enjoying the little blood droplets covering your collarbones. 

— Quiet, please. Don’t…don’t move, Schatzi. I don’t want to hurt you. 

— Please, please, just…anything but… — Won’t take long. Promise. 

— I don’t want to- — Quiet. I know you don’t, Liebling. Just…Scheisse, you…fuck. 

— Stop! — Can’t. I apologize, Schatzen. Relax for me, ja?

He whispers, he whimpers, he is almost out of his mind when he can finally put his tongue on your swollen nipples. For some weird, depraved reason, he almost expects the milk to start flowing from your chest, allowing him to drink up as much as he wants. If he could get you pregnant, he might enjoy it for a few months – although having a kid on his hip isn’t as fun as it could have. He tried to babysit Hutch kids once when he brought them to base – and it was the worst fucking day of his life. Besides, little children can’t be around Legos – it's already a deal breaker for someone like him. 

Speaking of legos…

You wiggle in his grasp, as good as you can with your hands still in the handcuffs – he should give you that one, at least you aren’t just laying lifelessly in front of him. At least you’re putting up a fight. At least he doesn’t feel too bad about restraining you without proper reasoning. You lick your lips again, that cute tongue of yours going over all the bite marks. You take a deep breath, shaking in his hold. God, he can just look in your face the whole day – barely knows how to handle himself around you. — I…I thought you wanted to…build this set with me? Smart girl. Way smarter than he gave you credit for – you know how to make him stop in his tracks and finally look at you differently. Maybe, you’re too good for him. Maybe, he doesn’t really care about that. Millennium Falcon, still sitting in the box – König hoped you’d start slowly putting it together but, seemingly, you need a bit of encouragement. The only thing that could tug him away from your breasts is the expensive set sitting just next to him. 

Might start bonding with you as well. He tugs away from your nipples with a loud pop, an obnoxiously wet sound emerging as a thin line of saliva connects your breasts and his tongue. You whimper when he smiles, that scarred face of his twisting in a huge grin. Knows he’s not the most charming person around, but it’s not like you have any choice now – not with the limited options he gave you. Like a good girl, you’d probably pick doing Lego Sets with him than taking his cock in that tight pussy of yours. He’d be satisfied with any outcome. — J…ja. I’d like that.  He has to give this one to you – you really know how to get a man going.

Bu building this insane set with him, that is.

[angeart]

hunted hybrids au rambles

this is an au me and @linkito made for our scarian RP, so just beware it’s focused solely on these two and it’s self-indulgent. CWs, i suppose, are themes of violence and dehumanisation of hybrids, and mention of self harm (feather plucking).

the basic premise is that hermitcraft’s code got attacked. think season 8 moon big and ground deteriorating underneath their feet, but it’s all more rapid and out of the blue. they don’t get a chance to investigate or prepare. it’s just. happening. so obviously, confusion and panic.

and then the hermits get scattered, to other worlds, seemingly indiscriminately and at random, as hermitcraft implodes. 

grian and scar end up in the same world, but it takes them about a week to realise. (a very horrible week, mind you.) their comms don’t work quite right here. 

now, where they’ve ended up is a very, very hybrid-hostile world. think rough people and black markets and criminal societies. think hunters and bloodhounds and phantom-dragons that screech through the night. think traps and watchtowers and rotting forests without a bird-chirp in them.

this world considers hybrids to be something to hunt. something to take apart and sell and gloat about. vexes are disliked and killed for sport, for  bragging rights. there’s no mercy in that. avians, though? avian wings are seen as a commodity, a decoration. something to make money out of and claim a different kind of prestige from. 

... did i mention this world is permadeath?

yeah.

so here we have these two hermits, and i think it’s important to note that the life games aren’t a thing in this universe. they never experienced a situation where they have to fight for their life. they find themselves here, stranded and alone, not knowing if their home even still exists or what happened to the others and if there’s anyone left out there who will be looking for them. 

maybe they try to look for help, used to friendly communities and little to no consequences.

maybe they get glares and smirks and weapons pulled on them.

maybe they realise the error they’ve made. maybe they realise that this is no place to seek help.

and then they run.

and all they can do is keep on running.

(the wood is rotten. the animals are scarce, next to none - have they even seen any? besides the wailing hounds? they can’t remember. the resources are hidden, stashed away in the communities they are desperate to get as much distance from as possible. the land is dark, and eerie, and unfamiliar. it’s late autumn, toppling into winter, air chilly and frosty, and they are so, so very underprepared.)

i think this is a good time to note that i chose violet-backed starling as the bird-base for grian in this au. because the wings are brilliant and bright and vibrant. they’re rare. expensive. very, very much wanted. (very hard to hide in a drab late-autumn.) 

scar and grian meet under dire circumstances: a hunter de-routed from going after scar by a call for backup, to a violet-winged avian—an information scar overhears—a trophy too precious to walk away from. this is the moment scar has the startling, horrifying realisation that grian is also trapped in this world. (he hears  him before he sees him, and he’d know that voice anywhere.) (he never heard him scream like this before—)

long story short, grian gets hurt, scar goes a little feral, and together they escape, to seek out shelter and supplies in a world that seems determined to strip everything away from them. it’s getting colder, and they have nowhere to go but deeper into the forest, hoping that they’ll eventually go far enough that the hunters will give up. (a feeble, impossible hope.) 

please think about them being so confused and destabilised over the realisation that they’re no longer alone. the complicated feeling of relief of having someone familiar and safe there, and the absolutely nauseating terror of having them there, because it means they’re stuck in this nightmare, too. the struggle to keep each other alive and sane through it. the way how something so normal and taken for granted gets turned upside down—and gentle touch now feels so unfamiliar. (oh how they need that softness, in a world that is only ever harsh and cruel.)

the (so far) two drawings i made for this au are:

1. them curled up into each other, wrapped up in a blanket, trying to keep warm and survive the night. please note that scar is pressed against grian’s back, protecting the part of him that now feels the most vulnerable. (grian’s wings are a huge target. a beacon beckoning the hunters closer.) grian used to sleep (on those rare moments when he actually allowed himself to stop and nap) with his wings pressed against hard, rough, cold edges, just to hide them. just to make them less visible, just to make himself a little less vulnerable. (his feathers are a mess.)

2. on that note. the second drawing touches on grian’s complicated feelings about his wings that come from all this trauma. because all those pretty feathers do is drag danger to them. because he used to love them and they used to be his pride and joy and they let him feel free, but he can’t even fly anymore (the sky is too open; there are too many airborne hunters and watchtowers). and it’s these damned feathers that cause him and, more importantly, scar to get hurt and have to run and run and run even when they feel like they can’t anymore. 

grian is so upset with his feathers. they feel like a curse. they feel like a burden. they feel like he’ll never not be terrified as long as he has them. he’s tired and in pain and cornered and desperate, and he wants them gone. and so what if he cries. what if he starts plucking them out, urgent, frustrated, panicked sharp yanks, and—

and scar is there, and he’s shushing him and telling him to stop. telling him that his wings are beautiful, and they’re his, and scar won’t let anyone else touch them, ever. it’s okay. it’s okay it’s okay it’s okay. (nothing is okay.)

//full drawings are linked so feel free to check them out if you're interested :3

------ @motherofplatypus a bit late but here you go! the requested au rambles

[hausofmamadas]

FRENCHIE | Queer!Mode, Detected

The Boys, Season 1, Ep 2 - Cherry | Season 2, Ep 3 - Over The Hill With the Swords of A 1000 Men, 6 - The Bloody Door’s Off, 8 - What I Know | Season 3, Ep 3 - Barbary Coast

∴

I’ve seen a lotta chatter in The Boys fandom (mostly on Reddit but also TikTok. Appropriately this take wasn’t on Tumblr much) that ppl were mad at Kripke and Co for taking an unforeseen “gay turn” with Frenchie’s character in S4 ..? And I’m over here with my Sherlock Holmes cap and pipe and tiny detective notebook just

trying to understand how these ppl didn’t pick up on the bipan vibes from this beautiful, majestic, so-French-he-can't-help-it butterfly.

(Also all this hand wringing about Frenchie "turning gay," te lo juro me esta eloqueciendo alaverga. Like canwenot with the bi-erasure, it’s giving Ashley telling Maeve she’s a lesbian bc is more “clear-cut” and easier to sell than bi. It’s just as insulting to call a bipan person gay as it is to call them straight. And I don’t mean like the use of gay as a catch all that a lotta us queers use sometimes interchangeably for queer, I talkin ppl acting as tho bipan isn't real and/or thinking Frenchie jumped out the closet as a gay man 3/4 of the way thru the show.)

And their confusion over this has got me confused. Like I didn’t even realize it was such a plot twist until I got on Reddit and a lotta ppl were screaming like Ned Stark's head just got cut off, or like it's some wild-ass writer's room shenanigans where the character is suddenly a diff person for no discernible reason. Like have you seen this man? Do you know where you are? Bc they’ve been dropping hints throughout the show. Case in point:

a) Little Nina and all that talk about her Sergei ahem it's Serge and his overwhelming enthusiasm for butt stuff and Vincent Cassel try to convince me Sr. Cassel wasn’t a childhood crush of Frenchie’s or someth and that’s why it’s his safe word. You can’t

b) this time he planted a fat smooch on Hughie’s face after finding out he leaked the compound V tip to the press (bonus points for his attempt to make out with mm before getting a no-homo hard pass)

c) this deep, abiding love of The Golden Girls this is unequivocally the gayest thing on the list

d) how he turned tricks in mad NYC before Little Nina locked that mf in a chastity belt and held him hostage by his penis he went to ‘work’ for Nina. -> Disclaimer: this is not to imply that queer ppl’s participation in sex work is bc they’re hypersexual. This is here to point out queer coding, as lgbtqia+ ppl are more at-risk for mental health issues stemming from severe trauma, food and housing insecurity, and addiction, often without access to the care they need to recover. So sex work becomes a viable vocation to survive bc unlike a regular 9-5, it’s more conducive to untreated mental health issues and substance use also it’s an easier market to get into than arms dealing or contract killing

e) this throuple arrangement btwn him, Cherie and Justin

f) His attempts to…er broaden mm’s horizons ?

g) the evident lack of knowledge or interest or acumen for this mysterious sportsball of which mm speaks of but he’ll still go on that dumb golf bachelor trip bc he loves his fraaand

h) this fondness for Eurotrash raves and dancing

And look, I might get it if they sprung it on us. But this shit has been since the beginning. The earliest indicator being ep 2 of S1 — THE FIRST EP HE’S IN. Hughie asks what it’s like to kill someone and Frenchie waxes poetic about his first hit (just before ominously dropping, "I carry them all with me" buried the lead on that one to Hughie's horror but to the delight of bbygirllovers like myself everywhere) and well, I think the evidence here speaks for itself

Like the dichot— nay, Bichotomy of talking about how mindblowingly hot this chick is whilst, in the same breath, gushing over her outfit. Okay I’m sure there’s a token straightmale who can id high-end designer brands on sight. I’m sure that unicorn exists somewhere, right, cuz humans contain multitudes. But this man? He just a bipan butterfly. So those who felt blindsided by Frenchie gettin’ dicked down, oh you beautiful, naive, sophisticated newborn babies. If not spelled out, it was so heavily implied, I saw the fling with whatshisname with the murdered fam whose name I’m too lazy to Goog and was like, “hm yes, the math is indeed mathing, these calculayshuns are correct”

Like u thot a mf dressed like this??? was straight ?

Mans is in a scoopneck bunny crop top that looks straighr from the juniors section of Forever21 with plaid pants and fuckingsjs suspenders iconic so to think he'd nary tarried in sausage-central before, well ... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

═

taglist: @drabbles-mc, @complete-nonsequitur, @rerorero-my-cherry, @ladygoatee, @tofuwildcard, @tinylittleobsessions

[jitterbugjive]

So, some people may have noticed this but I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to bring attention to it and I wanted people to just assume it was someone theorizing. But it appears someone from my ex friend circle whom I had trusted with certain details of how Discord Whooves would end decided to stoop to a lower than low level and ruin the ending for anyone who stumbled on their posts that had been made on a blog made specifically to post spoilers and tag them with common tags Discord Whooves uses. I’m sure it was out of sheer spite towards me and the people who dared to support my work.

Saying bad things about me and things I’ve done and said, okay that’s justifiable. But going out of their way to take something I once trusted them with because I thought we were close friends, and then throwing it out for the world to see out of revenge against me and anyone following me? That’s just petty, immature, and a really low blow to make. Even if I really hated someone, I would never reveal their harmless secrets to the world just to get back at them. There’s a chance to be the better person, and at least have some code of ethics to know when it’s going too far. I deserved to be called out. I didn’t deserve to have my 12 years of work undermined by a vindictive person who can’t move forward, and my fans didn’t deserve it either because they are not even involved in this drama.

There is a point where revenge goes too far and one crosses over into just being villainously cruel.

It’s sad, and really pathetic that someone thinks they have to do everything in their power to screw me over in some way instead of trying to actually recover and get past the point of obsession over wanting to get back at me all the time.

I’m sorry the whole world isn’t against me like you want it to be. I’m sorry a lot of people believe in recovery and the fact that I feel terrible enough already about my shitty actions in the past and am doing everything in my power to avoid anything like that happening ever again. I’m sorry I’m not being bombarded by hoards of angry people calling me names and telling me to kill myself. I’m sorry my feeling horrible isn’t enough to satiate you and all you want is to see me suffer.

It’s been years now. YEARS. For the sake of your own mental well being, just cut me out of your life completely and stop obsessing over me. You already won. I am constantly in a state of panic thinking of this shit and how else it’s going to come and bite me in the ass. I lost the comic website I depended on, I’ve lost a huge chunk of my readership and no longer really have my ‘popular’ status. (very rarely get fan art, not being bombarded by asks constantly, no longer receive fan mail, original projects aren’t catching on very well) Selling commissions has gotten increasingly more difficult. My insomnia is worse than ever and I have to take heavy duty sedatives just to sleep because my mind won’t stop spiraling about this stuff. I cannot go a single day without feeling guilt, regret, self hatred, and doubt and wishing hopelessly that I just never did those things. I have severe trust issues and have almost no one I can feel comfortable enough sharing anything personal or story related with which was just made even WORSE by these recent actions, and I haven’t been able to form new bonds with anyone in years either.

I know I hurt you badly, I know what I did was incredibly wrong and irresponsible, and I don’t know how it’s affected you over the years but this rage and anger is not good for anyone. I don’t hate you. I just want you to be able to move on and learn to be healthy and happy and no longer stuck thinking about me and how much you hate me and want me to fall. I don’t want to be hurting you by just existing and trying to move on with my own life, and I wish there was something- ANYTHING I could do to bring you peace.

But the only one who can ultimately bring you peace is yourself. So you can keep on trying to claw and bite and drag me down with you, or you could be the better person and try to just move forward and put the past in the past where it belongs.

I’m not mad. I’m just incredibly disappointed. I would have thought you were better than this, but I was wrong. I was wrong to ever even trust you as a friend, and I wish we were never friends to begin with, or even ever met, and I’m sure you feel the same way.

[dialovers-translations]

DIABOLIK LOVERS Para-Selene Vol.9 Sakamaki Kanato Animate Tokuten CD

Original title: DIABOLIK LOVERS Para-Selene Vol. 9 逆巻カナト アニメイト 各巻購入特典ドラ

Source: Diabolik Lovers Para-Selene Vol. 9 Animate Tokuten CD

Audio: Here

Seiyuu: Kaji Yuki

Translator’s note: I really like how the Para-Selene tokuten CDs explore the concept of going on ‘everyday’ outings with your Diaboy of choice. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before but it’s such a shame that the games did not explore this concept more. In my opinion, I would have much rather had this for the ‘situation part’ of each section of the game than random blood-sucking scenarios. :/

The two of you are walking around on the market.

“Handmade candles and wreathes...and iced cookies. They sell a surprisingly large variety of things at the flea market during this time of year. With so many different stalls, I doubt we will get bored.”

Something catches your attention.

“...Hm? What have you been looking at this whole time?”

You explain.

“Those are...Nutcrackers? Hah. Do you not think that the whole concept of putting a nut in their mouth to crack the shell is somewhat odd?”

You shake your head.

“...’Cute’? Don’t tell me...You want one of those?”

You nod.

“You have some rather disturbing tastes to want one of those.  ...However, if you insist, I would not mind buying one for you.”

Your eyes widen in shock. 

“Hm. ...Why do you seem to surprised? I’m over here showing my good heart and offering to buy you one of a gift, so don’t tell me you’re not even happy about it?”

You try to convince him that it does make you happy. 

“Right? It’s a gift from me, so obviously you’re happy.”

You smile brightly.

“Fufu...~ Exactly, just show me your genuine joy. Let’s go to the shop then. It seems like they are selling cooking as well. I finished the last of the ones at  home yesterday, so it’s the perfect time to stock up again.”

You nod as the two of you walk over to the vendor.

*TIMESKIP*

“They had a wide selection of different flavored cookies. ...And you got to buy yourself a nice souvenir as well, isn’t that nice?”

*Clatter clatter*

“Hm...Do you really like that doll so much? You honestly seem like a child right now, constantly fidgeting around with it.”

The two of you continue walking.

“Take a look! Such a large maple tree! It’s been decorated with cookies and candies!”

You fail to notice him because you are too preoccupied by the nutcracker.

“...Hey, you. Are you listening?”

You turn towards Kanato.

“Were you not...paying attention to what I said?”

You say sorry.

“Haah...!? A single apology is not going to get you in the clear. ...You keep on deliberately doing things to upset you, what are you hoping to achieve!? I can’t believe you only have eyes for some ‘cursed Prince’ when I’m here right next to you.”

You tilt your head to the side. 

“Hm? Ahー You wanted that doll without knowing anything about it, didn’t you? All nutcrackers which exist today are based on the concept of a cursed Prince.”

You seem shocked.

“Apparently long ago, there lived in a Prince who accidentally stepped on the Mouse Queen, which led to him being cursed and turned into a doll. Of course, that includes the one you are holding right now as well. ...Honestly, that was one unlucky Prince, being turned into a doll due to someone else’s lack of caution.”

You frown.

“Hm. ...You look rather sad. Are you feeling sympathy for the cursed Prince, perhaps?”

You shake your head.

“Kuh...Then why are you making that face!? I can’t allow you to make such an expression for someone other than meーー!!”

*THUD*

“If I do this...You’ll only be able to see me, correct? Fufu...However, that wretched doll is in the way. Give it to me, please?”

Kanato snatches the nutcracker from your hands and tosses it away.

*Thud* 

*CLATTER*

“ーー Just forget about it.”

*Rustle*

“Or do you perhaps...care more about some Prince you barely know anything about, than you do about me?”

You deny that.

“Then behave...and keep your eyes only on me.”

You point out that you are in public.

“Hmph...! Let those who want to watch enjoy the show then. Besides...We’ve already been seen by others in the past, so why worry about that still?”

You look around.

“There’s nobody around, you say? ...Please do not be ridiculous. Mr. Prince laying on the ground over there is looking straight at us. Despite it being a wooden doll, they actually used glass for the eyes. Fufu...Take a look. You are reflected in those beautiful, glass eyes.”

You turn your head.

“How about we use this opportunity...to give him a good showing of what we usually do?”

You flinch.

“Fufufu...”

He blows air on your skin.

*Rustle*

“Haha...Look at you turning bright red when all I did was blow some air on you. Shall I tease you even more?”

You fidget around.

“...Just how much longer will you keep on worrying about our surroundings? All you need to do is stay focused on me! Come on! You should wrap your arms around me as well!”

*Rustle*

“Nn...Mmh...”

*Smooch*

“Fufu...Exactly. Keep a tight grip, okay?”

*Rustle*

“Good girl...I shall tell you something interesting in return. ーー I know I said that all nutcrackers are Princes who have been cursed, but the ones sold at the store from earlier are just plain dolls and have absolutely nothing to do with the original story. The one on the ground over there is obviously nothing but a doll either.”

You get upset.

“I can’t believe you believed me so easily! Just how stupid are you?”

You walk over to pick up the doll.

*Thud*

“Hmph. I am glad you are taking good care of the gift I gave you, but I never said that you could neglect me as a result. I am the only important person in your life. Aren’t I?”

You nod.

“Then please keep your eyes only on me...All you need to do is pay attention to me, without getting distracted by anything or anyone else. ーー Like earlier.”

You get flustered remembering it. 

“...! ...Fufu. You’re blushing again.”

You only grow more flustered. 

“Fufu...That’s more like it. I was going to head home, but I think I shall play with you a little longer. Look my way and give me a proper look at your embarrassed expression. ...Mmh.”

*Smooch*

“...Look at you tightly holding that doll in your arms. I don’t mind but if you truly love me, then you should treasure me more as well.”

You reassure him that he is still number one in your heart.

“Haah...Of course I am number one in your heart. Please make sure that I’m numbers one through a hundred on your priority list.”

*Smooch*

“ーー I am the only one you need after all. From here on out, forever...and ever...Okay?”

You nod.

ーー THE END ーー

[dontjudgemeimawriter]

OC in Fifteen

Tagged by @pertinax--loculos thank you! I wanted to do there for other characters after doing Terran

(Edit: This has been sitting in my drafts fully done for ages. Whoopsies.)

Raymond's up next!

Rules: Share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture the character/personality/vibe of the OC. Bonus points for just using the dialogue without other details about the scene, but you're free to include those as well!

"But if I hadn’t convinced Jesse that you were capable of being a decent person, you would’ve— [killed him], and you know what? That doesn’t make any sense.”

2.

“You’re trying to control everything and I don’t like that stupid spell, I can’t talk to you. You think it makes you so good at things but it just makes you a controlling jerk,” Raymond yelled back. “This is why I don’t trust you! Why I didn’t tell you!”

3.

“I want everyone alive. You just want me alive.”

4.

[Raymond] smiled slightly. “When you cast that spell you heighten the level of resources your brain has dedicated to a specific task. It’s heightening of a psychological phenomena. All I had to do was split up the resources.”

I thought that over. “I didn't know Nyps could do that,” I said, and somehow when he explained it it made so much sense. Like it was simple.

“I didn't know I could either. It was a theory. Until just now. But I shouldn’t’ve tried it. I wanted you to unfocus but I shouldn’t’ve forced it.”

5.

“I want the person who let me go. You weren’t focused then. Look. I know that spell is useful. I know we might not’ve pulled this off without it. That’s kind of the point of this, though. I want to get to know you. And if even you don’t know who that is… maybe you should.” 

6.

(Context: Raymond shared that he makes and sells Nyp whispers, which is like selling a mental health spell)

“It’s like going in blind. And because it’s freaking illegal we can’t do it right, y’know? Even if it’d be fine to tell people, no one wants a Nyp going into their mind, they’d much rather take a whisper because it doesn’t give access. But everyone’s different, everyone’s brain is different. I’ve seen these not work on some people, or even make things worse, and I hate it. If I could go in, if we could do research on these spells, I could find a way to actually help instead of giving this thing that works for some people. And it’s worse because like, sometimes I’m selling it to someone, and like, I don’t need much to get in, y’know? I’m giving them a memory-whisper and I’m like, I can sense how your mind works and I know this won’t work for you, but I can’t say anything, and if people would be okay with it maybe I could actually help them. But maybe I’m not helping, because there’s no research on Nyp magic, and honestly, I have no freaking idea if there's side effects to anything, or if I could do more harm. I hate it.”

7.

“There was just—” he paused.

“There was what?” I urged. Something was there, something he wanted to talk about, I could feel it.

“Some fear?”

“Of?”

He sighed. “You? Like I know you wouldn't hurt me and I trust you. But it—made it a little hard to sleep, I guess.”

8.

“Because you’re always so invested in my existence being secret, right? I’d convinced myself that if you came looking for me it was because you had to control everything again, make sure I was being safe and all.” The corner of his mouth tugged up in a slight smirk. “But you missed me, didn’t you?”

Was that really a reveal? Sure, I hadn’t thought about the implication of calling out his name (and fuck he was right, that had been risky), but… “Of course I missed you.”

“That’s not an ‘of course,’ okay? You’re hiding 90% of the time. I have no idea how you feel. I have no idea if you—no idea why you saved me. I have to trust that you won’t kill other people that matter to me but I don’t even know what guided that decision in the first place.”

9.

“Sorry,” I took a deep breath. 

He nodded. “Thanks.” he didn’t meet my eye for a moment, then asked, “Should I not try to touch you?”

My wincing had been my fault, not his.  “It’s fine.”

“Is it actually?” he asked, concern in his voice.

10.

“I know I was just insisting I go,” Raymond said. “And I’m still going to. But that doesn't mean I’m not scared. And the truth is…you are better at this. Maybe I’ve been stubborn, and maybe you’ve been right this whole time. Maybe if I hadn’t come back to go to Dante, then both you and Jodi would be safe. I don’t have any ideas, any solutions, and I’m terrified, and you’ve gotten me out of this before and I can’t do this myself. I’m not leaving Jodi. And I think you can figure out a solution.”

11.

“Yes, I understand how a hostage negotiation works, Abigail."

12.

“Understand now?” He asked, speaking up after a second, and his voice still had the bite, but I sensed some strain. “You’re going to give me access to a lot of people who have reason not to like you. You’re going to need me in their heads. I do that all for you, but my friends are safe, guaranteed. And I won’t kill for you. That’s the deal. You will not use them to get to me ever again.”

13.

“Not cocoa. Chocolate.” Raymond leaned against the arm of the couch, facing me. He gave me a smile.

“What’s the difference?"

“Cocoa is powder and hot water. This,” he took a sip, closing his eyes as he did, an expression of deep satisfaction coming over him, topped with a whipped-cream mustache. “Is hot chocolate.”

14.

“Did you leave a window open, too?” I remembered, vaguely, him opening it earlier.

“No, I—“ he hesitated as he unwrapped his damp scarf and looked around, just as both of us saw that I’d been right. There was a window open, just a crack, but enough to be contributing. He ran over to it and shut it. “Definitely no windows left open,” he smiled sheepishly.

15.

“That feeling? You know how you said you can’t escape yourself?” I nodded again. “That’s why I went into a burning building. I realized what I was doing faster, sure. But you were there your whole life, and it’s all you were taught. And still, you showed me compassion. You risked yourself so I could live when I didn’t want to and I didn’t even think you liked me. I forgave you then.”

My boy!

Tagging @crushedmodule @rosesonneptune @bookish-karina @thegreatobsesso @wildswrites & @blind-the-winds

[ringtownrangerlark]

[@walkingbugencyclopedia]

Hi there my name is Bugsy we talked Once about Cereal and I’m a Gym Leader in Johto and I’d like to politely disagree with you about the League and Pokeballs.

As you can probably guess from the everything about me I’m an expert in Bug-Types. I’m a specialist in both battling with them and research of them (though not yet qualified for the Professor title, something I want to be in the future). I discovered the move Fury Cutter, which, while not as impressive as a lot of things a lot of other people have done, is pretty rare for someone who was (at the time) 12 years old.

I’ve been involved in my region’s Pokemon League… pretty much since. And I might go so far as to say that these people are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. (Better than most of the people I’d been friends with before that point, at least.) We’re flawed. So’s everything else ever created in the history of everything. Humans aren’t, can’t be, perfect. You and others make some fair points. (Technically the Johtonian Pokemon School is entirely independent of the League and I’d call Unova an exception along with Paldea, but that’s tangential.)

The League aside, Silph and Devon are FAR from the only people making Pokeballs. While the modern mass-produced Pokeball is mostly made by corporations, they’ve been almost an art form for CENTURIES. Not that something being older makes it better by the very principle of it, but people have been hand-making Pokeballs using apricorns and ingenuity long before the styler was a twinkle in its inventor’s eyes. I live a few doors down from a man who’s been making traditional Pokeballs since long before I was even born. The Pokeball, in itself, is not new, not in the same way the styler appears to have been popularized within the lifetime of some still-active Rangers. Also Kalos has its own entirely independent Pokeball factory but that’s a minor factual error on your part at worst.

On a related point, the only Pokeball that can be bought for, quote, “pocket change” without any league badges (which, I may note, are given out at the Gym Leader’s discretion, even disregarding the battle outcome; so that Trainers who are abusive towards Pokemon or similarly not deserving of a Badge don’t get it) are the standard ones (and the Premier Ball, but that’s just standard with a fancy coat of paint). The standard Pokeball is not designed to capture Pokemon efficiently. The other Pokeballs that can be obtained with no League Badges are often a) situational and/or b) sold by private individuals who have the right to refuse to sell their Pokeballs to those that may misuse them.

Claiming that being older makes the Pokeball objectively better would be an appeal to tradition, though, so that’s not really reason enough. What is, in my opinion, reason enough, is the actual value of the more concrete and compact capture that a Pokeball provides. It allows for the entire existence of Pokemon Training as a sport, and the modern idea of living in harmony with Pokemon. Now, while training Pokemon without Pokeballs is possible, it’s a whole lot less practical for everyone involved, up to and including the Pokemon. Pokeballs don’t inherently take away a Pokemon’s free will any more than a styler. After the moment of capture itself, a Pokemon in a Pokeball isn’t “trapped” in any meaningful sense of the word. While it’s registered to you, and many Pokemon often do become more docile (due to the fact that they’re often intelligent enough to know that human means food and safety), others don’t, and those Pokemon are just as aggressive as before they’re caught. The Pokeball, while it can be released and recalled on the command of the Trainer, also allows the Pokemon to do the same things, and while the Trainer can try and counteract those actions, sometimes it’s a losing battle. If that Pokemon doesn’t want to be captured I can assure you that one way or another, it won’t be. (The only exception being the Master Ball but that’s controversial at best and even now only given out to the most trusted of Trainers and authorities.) Pokeballs are also relatively easy to break, which, while it may sound like a negative, is actually a very positive thing all considered. A broken Pokeball deregisters the Pokemon that had been contained within it. This is great because breaking a Pokeball is an easy way to get a Pokemon deregistered if it has been registered to someone that it shouldn’t be. As has been mentioned, Pokeballs are inherently single use, which means that while not all-encompassing, budget is a strong limiting factor.

I’d also like to mention that jamming technology for Pokeballs exists and its lack of widespread use by the authorities is an issue on their part, not on the Pokeballs themselves. Perhaps the adoption of such technology could solve some of the issues you have with Pokeballs in their modern state.

Finally, I’d like to emphasize that no malice is intended in this argument. You, sir, have the correct views on cereal, and that makes you pretty damn cool in my book.

Signed,

Bugsy, Azalea Town Gym Leader

Hello!

I really appreciate this thorough and thoughtful reply. I will be the first to admit that I'm not immune to bias. I come from a region where pokeballs are relatively new and rare, and there is no league, so I have an outsider's perspective on these things, and don't really "get" some aspects of league and trainer culture. I'll try to address your points one by one:

First of all, congratulations! I certainly wasn't doing anything close to that impressive at age 12. And from what I've seen, your bug expertise is top-notch.

I'm really glad the League has been such a positive experience for you. It was never my intention to imply the league itself was evil. I suspect your feelings are similar to mine about the rangers- I started volunteering as a teenager and rangers haven't just been my coworkers, they are family members and good friends. The Union still has it's flaws and inefficiencies, and is far from perfect.

I did not know much about the history of pokeballs! I am also very glad to hear that gym badges are not handed out by battle victory alone. That was a concern for possible abuse. To your point about standard pokeballs not being designed to capture efficiently- I feel like that would just encourage a person to buy and use more pokeballs, rather than addressing the root issues of care, goodness-of-fit, and motivation.

I also feel the need to clarify that I never believed a pokemon caught via ball was trapped, or that registering a pokemon was inherently harmful. And as I have said elsewhere, I am not actually against pokemon capture, training, or battling (or other uses of registered pokemon, such as construction). These practices have existed for centuries and have been often to the betterment of pokemon and humans alike.

I think the primary flaw in my argument was that I focused on pokeballs vs. stylers, when a lot of my concerns boil down really to what I am going to call "trainer culture" for lack of a better word. By this I mean things like:

Trainers not being expected to learn ecology or pokemon biology

Battling being seen as the be-all-end-all of handling situations, even outside of the league and sports battles. For example, the notion that criminal organizations can be managed by vigilantes or citizens fighting with their own pokemon.

Catching a pokemon being seen as synonymous to knowing/learning about/understanding it

Being a battle champion being seen as the peak or 'mastery' of Pokemon

"Gotta catch em all" mentality

Valuing a pokemon's moves and utility in battle as the most important features

Thinking all pokemon must battle, or that evolution (via battle) is necessary for all pokemon

Assuming everyone battles, knows about battling, or follows battling as a sport

Assuming someone who doesn't battle regularly doesn't know about pokemon

I'm not saying all trainers believe these things. But I have encountered these beliefs as basic, unquestioned assumptions in many trainers. And it isn't even typically malicious- just a widespread cultural norm. And you must also remember that I'm coming at this from my position as a ranger. Which means in my day-to-day job I am constantly dealing with things like:

People randomly releasing pokemon they no longer want, often in inappropriate environments or after too much training for wild release (e.g. just dumping an anorith in the ocean).

Mass trafficking of pokemon.

Trainers using wild pokemon as battle practice (rather than gyms or fellow trainers) which can result in widespread damage (e.g. a trainer training their charmander by battling dozens of oddish, who would not normally encounter charmander, and to a degree greater than normal loss through predation. Or someone bringing an elektrike to knock-out multiple magikarp in a region where there are no water electric types, and ocean pokemon are not adapted to that kind of encounter.)

Trainers doing dangerous or disruptive things in the name of catching or battling (e.g. putting honey on trees which fed wild pokemon, in a region without honey trees or wild aipom).

I agree that pokeballs have their benefits for safe capture of pokemon intended to be kept/trained rather than wild. A capture styler is tailored for rangers and wouldn't meet the needs of most others. But I would like more people to recognize

The way modern pokeballs make certains kinds of harm very easy to perpetuate and very hard to stop and

Maybe question a bit more the effects their typical assumptions, behaviors or practices with pokemon, and whether some of these things are actually necessary.

A lot of my job would be much safer and easier if people weren't encouraged to catch and battle as much as possible, while being under-encouraged to actually learn about pokemon and the environment. I hope that has made my position more clear.

With warm regards,

Lark, Ranger (Ringtown, currently Paldea Crater Base)

[late-to-the-fandom]

Writing Questions Tag Game

I was tagged by @mrsmungus … a week ago? I no longer have any concept of time whatsoever. I also have no idea who has done this so I’m tagging a few and if I missed yours I apologize

Tagging: @shipping-through-eternity @mousterian-writes @velvethopewrites @diaryofomellas @unknownogre @frostedlemonwriter @tidesages @kharrisdawndancer

1. What is your absolute all-time favorite idea you've ever had? I loved my non-linear storytelling in Light & Shadows. It was so much fun to write and read and it’s really ruined regular chaptered fics for me now 😅

2. Is there a question you've been asked in the past that really stands out to you and you still think about sometimes? I was asked once on a very old fic how my writing flowed so easily it didn’t even feel like reading. Which is one of my favourite things I’ve been told but the answer is I wish I knew so I could do it all the time.

3. What is your favorite part of being a writer? What parts could you take or leave? The beginning and the end. I love the conception, the outlining, the planning, the seeing the scene in my head, hearing the dialogue unfold - and I love the completed product where I can finally sit down and read what I saw in my head out loud. The middle part where I’m actually choosing word after word gets hairy, especially when my preconceived notion of how a scene should go turns out to be wrong and I’m fighting the characters.

4. What is your greatest motivation to write/create? There is a story I want to read and it doesn’t exist yet so I have to write it.

5. What is the best piece of advice you've ever read or been given as a writer? To not take writing advice from anyone whose writing you don’t personally appreciate. They’re trying to lead you in a direction you don’t want to go anyway.

6. What do you wish you knew when you were first starting out writing? It’s ok to have the same word appear in the same paragraph. Sometimes it just has to be done and it’s ok.

7.What is your favorite story you've written TO COMPLETION? Link it if you'd like and can! This is like asking me to choose my favourite child. I can’t do it. I love all of them. The most popular I’ve ever written is here. The one I’m proudest of just based on how long it took me and how hard it was is here.

8.What is your favorite out-of-the-box quote?Lee Smith said, “a writer is someone who is writing not someone who is publishing,” and I think that tends to be forgotten. Fanfiction is generally considered (even by those who write it) as the warmup to “real” writing and I disagree whole heartedly. I think there are probably on the whole more meaningful and beautiful fanfics then there are original novels because the people who write fanfic are doing it out of love for characters more than wanting to write something they think they can sell (not universally true anymore, but still a general principle)

9. Which of your characters would you say has the most controversial mindset? Why do you say so and how do you personally feel about their ideals? I think both Renathal and the Maw Walker have some controversial principles, which I like about them because I never wanted them to be good/bad coded. Renathal is straight up pro-torture and espouses the benefits of suffering for atonement. The Maw Walker has a jaded opinion on life in general and is willing to kill whoever she’s told without thinking too deeply about it. I don’t agree with either of those things myself but it’s who they are.

10. If you when you first started writing met you now, what would younger you think? I think she would be happy to find out that I came back from a two year hiatus. I hope she would be impressed at the improvement in our prose. I think she would be stunned at the ambitious projects (for us) I’m attempting to take on and worried (even more than I am) that they’re still out of our writing depths.

[entropieogchaos]

I'm seeing alot of people criticizing AI art as being "plagiarism." This statement ignores the definition of plagiarism. AI art is NOT plagiarism. It is NOT stealing someone else's work and passing it off as your own. When an AI generates a new piece, it is making it completely from essentially nothing, from a collection of random numbers. As it generates, the algorithm compares it to the text prompt and and says yes or no at each stage until something theoretically close to the prompt is created. People are talking about this process as if it's copy/pasting, ie: "sampling" from existing art to make the image. That's simply not how this works, and even if it did, that still wouldn't be plagiarism (it would be a kind of collage). People are also arguing that art was used for training the models without the artist's permission, and therefore everything those models make is "stolen" from that artist. You could make an argument that using art for training without permission is maybe problematic (strong emphasis on "maybe"), but that doesn't make the resulting images "stolen" from that artist, any more than human-made art painted in a figurative Renaissance style is "stolen" from Renaissance artists!

Three examples to illustrate my point:

1) If you paint an exact copy of a Fragonard and pass it off as your own original work, THAT is plagiarism.

2) If you paint an exact copy of a Fragonard and use it in the context of parody, it is NOT plagiarism, because it's part of an original concept using parody of Fragonard.

3) If you paint an exact copy of a Fragonard and then pass it off as an original Fragonard, that is counterfeiting.

AI doesn't inherently do any of these things. Could an artist use AI to do any of them? Perhaps, but with extreme limitations since we're talking about something that lives solely within the digital realm. You can't use AI to make a counterfeit Fragonard to try and sell; that's physically impossible. And using AI to make exact plagiarized copies of digital art seems rather pointless, since all one needs to do is Right Click -> Save As and you get an exact PERFECT copy with zero effort, so why bother trying to get an AI to do it? Just save Beeple thing and post it up saying it's your own work - instant plagiarism with no AI needed!

"Wait wait!" I hear you saying, "it's about them stealing my LOOK!" Well, let me ask you... how original is your look anyway? This goes back to my statement about artists painting in a Renaissance style. I think the fact that "Artstation" is reduced to an easily recognizable and copied style says more about the lack of diversity and originality of the art posted there than it does about the machine copying the style.

There are some very serious criticisms of AI art that can be made, and I will be discussing them in future posts, but accusing it of being plagiarism and theft is way off the mark and takes away from the things that should be discussed.

[bonesandthebees]

So Everything else has gone wrong is giving me major Pogtopia vs. Manburg vibes. It’s always fun trying to spot the events and relationships referencing canon in AUs. The crimeboys be doing crime, but they aren’t the only ones. They are just slightly better at it because of some supernatural abilities. And I love how that is 1. Not a common thing at all, which explains all the secretly having to switch you could just take as trying not to be seen because Wilbur’s being cased.

2. It seems to be a hard magic system. Wilbur can’t just change into anyone, he has to constantly consciously keep the change in position. Because of that he has to know what the person he shifts into looks like, and I love that how well he knows a person affects how fast he can shift into them. On top of that there’s some serious painful drawbacks and a clear limit on how long he can keep going (which depend on how often his shifts and how much energy he has).

Tommy seems to have the same thing. I don’t know what things clairvoyance is capable of because I don’t think I know what the word means in English, but it seems to be some combination of telepathy and being all-knowing, but in a way where you have to focus to do it. So obviously Tommy uses that to always bet on the right outcome. Also, his drawbacks seem like shit.

Gotta love all the references to backstory such as whatever happened between Niki and Schlatt as well as Quackity, Schlatt and Wilbur. It’s a nice example of showing vs. Telling. We are technically told what happened between Niki and Schlatt (though it’s vague enough to not feel like exposition and it’s done by a character talking). We are very clearly told something happened between Schlatt, Quackity and Wilbur, but then we are shown how close they were via Wilbur knowing him well enough to know he’s not bluffing and the touching knees. Also, Quackity not selling Wilbur out mainly because Schlatt’s a bitch but also a little because Wilbur indirectly says he deserves better than Schlatt. (though Schlatt not believing him is a very good point.

Also, gotta love self-sacrificial Wilbur. Though he does have a much better chance at getting away with it and Tommy has the money on him, but it’s more protective older brother than common sense. Still, it’s a solid plan, it’s just a shame he overexerted himself by running and shifting and couldn’t hold on until he was actually safe. Also, that he didn’t think of Niki because that held him up and made him have to shift longer.

As you can tell, I’m mild obsessed with this concept. I love the worldbuilding. It’s very intriguing and fun.

-🌲

YEAHHHH the dynamics were definitely inspired by pogtopia vs manberg. I love including loose parallels to dsmp events I feel like it's just such a fun thing to base conflict on

yeah I wanted to make crimeboys abilities not be a normal thing in the world bc i see so many aus where 'powers' are considered the norm. and that's all well and good I've written those myself, but I just wanted to try something different. so yeah the general public does not know those abilities exist at all, hence why wilbur and tommy have to keep it a secret.

I wanted wilbur's shapeshifting to feel realistic. I had to think to myself how I wanted it to function—whether it was more of an illusion-type thing where wilbur can just project an alternate image to everyone around him, or if he's actually physically changing his body. I went with the latter because I felt like it had a lot more restriction to it, which made it more interesting for me to work with. technically he doesn't have to personally know someone well enough to shift into them, but he has to have spent a LOT of time observing them which is almost only going to happen when he, y'know, hangs out with someone a lot. like could he stalk a stranger for days on end and be able to shift into them really well without saying a single word to them? technically yes. but it's just easiest if he knows the individual personally.

clairvoyance is defined as 'the claimed psychic ability to gain information about an object, person, location, or physical event through extrasensory perception.' it can also be described as being able to perceive future events 'beyond normal sensory contact'. it's kind of a loose term when it comes to describing psychic abilities, but for tommy specifically I decided he's got three main things he can do. 1) he can remotely view a location or person he's not physically near. technically, he can only do this to a limited range, so if he's inside a building he'll just be able to look out onto the street but not go much further than a block or two. but because of the psychic link he and wilbur have, he can remotely view wilbur and the area he's in up to way greater distances, so that's what he's doing for most of the chase scene. 2) he was able to form that psychic link with wilbur, giving them the ability to communicate telepathically (not technically part of clairvoyance but it's just a bonus I gave him). wilbur didn't do this at all, that's not in his wheelhouse. tommy bonded them. 3) perceive future events but only in a very limited sense. this is how tommy was good at gambling. he can see what's going to happen right in front of him in the next few minutes. it tires him out to do this because it's an ability he has to 'activate', and he can only see what's going to happen around him specifically, hence why he doesn't use this during the chase. but if he's about to bet on a dice game or a roulette wheel, he'll be able to see what the winning number will be before it happens

I had so much fun indirectly explaining the backstory between those four characters (wilbur schlatt niki and quackity). especially with the 'niki' and schlatt interaction. it's such a unique perspective to get for a convo like that (schlatt thinking he's talking to niki but he's actually talking to wilbur), and I had a lot of fun playing around with how I'd imagine wilbur would act pretending to be niki while also setting up schlatt and niki's dynamic in this.

and then of course quackity. ah, tntduo. they gotta have something going on in every universe lmao

yeah while wilbur's plan was him pulling a self-sacrificial move it was also the best option for their situation. they were going to be way slower running through that crowd together, so getting tommy away was the priority. and what better way to do that than by tricking the guys following them? yeah, it exhausted him, but if he had chosen someone other than niki to shift into after tommy then he would've gotten back to tommy way faster. it was only bc pulled that stupid move that he was delayed talking to schlatt and overexerted himself so much.

i'm so glad you enjoyed!! i had so much fun with the worldbuilding and dynamics of it all

[imsosocold]

A very (un)comprehensive review of Everywhere and Elsewhen:

This isn’t fun anymore if it ever was

Me: Not to be a lover but this is one of the few times time travel has been done well fantasy-wise.

Lomes: TOH actually thought about its magic system? Shock.

Sunniva: Would you time travel?

Me: No.Too many intricacies and uncertain probabilities .

Sunniva: You are scared of time loops.

Me: One of my worst fears.

Lomes: Plus you’re the type to think about what you  did wrong in the past and how you’d do it now.

Me: You don’t need to call me out like that.

Lomes: I know you’ll still put it in the post. 

Sunniva: Bur [ Noelle], what if you could save people by killing tyrants and such?

Me:  It could lead to more deaths and chaos though in the long run, with or without the butterfly effect being present.

Jorah: Chirstopher Colombus would be my pick.~

Me: Plus not one person alone is the sole reason for evil, someone else is likely to take their place-

Lomes : Kill whoever killed Che Guavera.

...

Lomes : Then try all the foods and activities and stuff I can’t do currently and take cool things back to our time to sell it for money.  

Jorah: If you stop people's parents from meeting, are you technically causing indirect abortions?

Sunniva: I don’t think there are any technicalities regarding time travel. 

Me, trying to put on a Monika voice: “Alright everyone.”  

*******************************************************************

Me: I'll admit I don’t like the look  of the episode’s environment or characters. It’d be cool if it had a Casa Misa look to the buildings.  Or maybe something more like the Hakone Outdoor Museum.

Sunniva: But look at how Orange Pip is wearing Caleb’s jacket! And he has a matching hair strand.

Me: I hate his beard and mustache . 

Sunniva: I’m surprised they went with a Santa style but look, he seems to have a sprain. 

Me: Oooh. Still not enough. He should be way more banged up.   

Lomes: I’m genuinely not a fan of fashion choices of the cast.    

Me: Redesign?

Lomes: None of us can draw.  

Jorah: I’m trying to figure out how the autism creature isn’t Orange Pip’s Palisman? 

Me: We need more Palisman with patterns.

*******************************************************************

Me: This is the most white women bullying to ever exist. Where are the human specific insults?

Sunniva: What bullying would you have him go through then?  

Me: Have them tie a leash around his neck and make him crawl around, choking him if he doesn’t move fast enough.  

Sunniva: That’s fucking vile.   

Lomes: Him being British is vile.

Me: He isn’t British, he just was raised around British people. ( I am not in denial).

Lomes: Whatever, he’s not flamboyant enough. Where’s the flair? The dramatics?  

Jorah: Belos is a beach person who has never been to the beach.   

*******************************************************************

 Me: Well Lilith, I’d be over complementary too, if an entire Isles wanted me abused or dead.  >:(

*******************************************************************

Lomes: I wanted to be upset at this episode's content and its lack of consistency and  quality but I’m upset cause this episode was really boring. 

Me: Thinking about how Dahlia Hawthorne went to Valerie and went “My teacher is trying to date me” and she went “ Oh boy, I can make money off of this”.

Lomes: Odd thought to get from this episode but okay.

Me: Most of my inspiration comes from associations I get from online images and such.

Lomes: We could be doing AA smash or pass instead.

Me: “Perhaps you will have fast forgotten this handful of words, the first stars of light in the shade of the world, they still hold worth.”

Lomes: You really do get odd associations. 

Jorah: Oooh, where did you get that quote from?

Me: Don’t remember, I even added that last part on.

Sunniva: Probably fanfic.

Me: Honestly, let’s just put the Caretaker on, it’d have the same effect this episode is having on me.

*******************************************************************

* Silently watching Belos trying to sacrifice the duo.* 

Jorah: Peebis. 

I shamefully admit we laughed hard at that.

*******************************************************************

Lomes: Dude went down easy and quick.   How did he survive this long? 

Sunniva: He’s probably used to it.

 Lomes: Oh.             

Me: Imagine Lilith being so mad at Philip and his actions that she turns into the Owl Beast. Imagine his scar coming from her swiping at Belos' nose. Imagine him recognizing the curse when Eda gets it. 

Jorah: Just punched a white guy, feeling good.

*******************************************************************

Me: What did you get from the episode, if anything at all? For me the episode’s theme was the inevitability of fate and being disappointed by change.

Lomes: That Lilith is a girlboss.

Me: God, I hate the term of girlboss, I hate people calling Lilith that-

Lomes: The actual message is that TOH wasn’t ever very good.

Me: People are gonna screenshot my posts and post them on Twitter to blast us. 

Sunniva: This is a real thing, be careful everyone.

Lomes: Well, they can suck [ Noelle’s] nonexistent cock.

Me: Why mine??!!

*******************************************************************

Me: You can’t see it but we have Belos in the jar. 

Sunniva: An ecosystem jar. 

Me: Don’t worry, it's large with a diverse environment. 

Lomes: If we don’t get enough reblogs, we’re gonna shake it 

Me: No.

Jorah: The Picasso bug is my favorite bug. 

[advrageobjectshowenjoyer]

I’ve not been doing well and I need to know

I’ve been trying not to harm myself or do stupid shit but it’s gotten to a point where I’m not sure if I can just hold myself back. I’ve been trying not to make some fuck ass account to post nudes and shit cut myself for some bitch to Jack off too but it’s like. I got no one to talk to when I do talk I have to censor myself to not seem crazy. I just want someone to actually egnolage my existence at this point and it’s like. People like hurt people people like sex. Sex sells, and I just really want someone to just talk to me about anything just compliment me oh how’s your day going or ask me out or anything but instead I can’t even leave my house without being laughed at for my interests at school or for walking weird or for my stutter for everything and it’s like I killl myself or become a prostatue one is a great thing to do and it comes with being remembered and loved and the other is prositituon. I want to be remembered I want someone to look back and laugh and make fun of me I want someone to think of me but who thinks of me? My friends forget I exist my family forgets my name so who remembers my existence? If I die everyone knows who I am if I live is it really noble? I’m ugly im autistic I’m queer I’m fucking colored I got struck 5 times with shit I don’t want I want to do stupid shit like be in the tcc fandom because I’m a fucking weirdo I want to make sparkle dogs I want to be known for being me and my art for my looks for anything but instead I’m known for being told to shut up by a teacher for talking too much about a topic. I wish teachers actually talked or knew me I wish my classmates actually tried to talk to me without making fun of me I wish my friends wanted to hang out I wish I had people crushing on me or wanting to go out I wish I wasn’t the butt of every joke I wish I wasn’t made fun of to the point of suicide. It’s not fair how others can turn around and just be someone without struggling or harming yourself like look at me I’m blessing look at me I’m fighting please ask if I’m ok please talk to me please actually talk to me not just say your here to listen but never actually comment on what I say. I want bad things to happen to me so someone cares I want bad things to happen to me so I have a reason to be angry at the world I want to be raped and hurt and saed and beat and shot and kidnapped and live just so people would wonder who I was or how I was I want to be a VICTEM so people care about me. I am a VICTEM but who cares? I can be saed over and over and over again but it doesn’t matter I deserve it they won’t ask if I’m ok just well I told you to wear pants when he’s over. I want someone to just harrass and stalk me and threaten me so I can be scared but someone thinks about me they think about me right? I want someone to just hold me and talk to me like I’m human not some animal who needs to be taught tricks I want someone who understands me who doesn’t make fun of my speech and can understand my language who can understand how I think and walk and everything but I’m typing this alone bleeding in my bedroom gonna go to sleep and do this again tommorow.

I’m not even out of school yet I just need something or someone this isn’t fair.

[jonathankatwhatever]

I have no ideas, but I’m watching New York, New York. I love Liza’s performance, but I have to say I don’t like the way Scorsese directed the musical sequences. They feel like copies, like imitations, which they are but they’re without the flair. And I don’t get Liza’s costumes, and the way the camera dwells on her face, when her best feature was her legs. Heck, her mom wore tights because she was selling her legs. I don’t get a lot of things. Count this among those.

Not really. I can see how and why those decisions were made. I disagree with those choices. But then I remember when the movie came out, De Niro’s character was appealing because louses then had a socially attractive machismo. He’s a shithead. And the movie never explains what she sees in him. Why? Because then being an asshole was considered attractive, if done in a macho charismatic manner.

Shifting context. We describe how that works. But how do the parts connect? I see fCM and SBE and the generation of grid squares in and out of Triangular within D-structure. Or rather I see the latter, then fCM.

———-

Gave up and went to bed.

It’s now 13 July 2024, and I’m hearing that spherical geometry constructs as the Coordinate Rotation of 1Space. That isn’t new to me, so the realization was more. But what? I keep seeing a T, which has the dual role, of course, of being both the midpoint and the axis line in Triangular, meaning it is both Irreducibles, which embodies in 0Space, which is the same basic ambiguity isolated as ‘quantum behavior’.

Why can’t I accept obvious connections like that quarks switch among 3 states? That’s exactly what should happen as 0Space existence, as physical existence, generates within D-structure. I’m seeing a Triangular appear with the 1-0Segment trying to form over the gap Between the generation of tObjects and iObjects. That is, is it accepted that D-structure requires iObjects? Yes, and one important point is that Triangular over gs manifests SBE, which counts the Triangular, and fCM, which counts the gs.

This means the mechanism of action is the Boundary because that connects 2 Things, which can be the inner and outer selves or groups of objects at essentially any scale, using the orthogonal contexts. So when someone says there is no such thing as love, and when others point to heart rates and blood flow, those manifest on the tObjects the relationship of the iObjects.

I suddenly feel quite accomplished. This isn’t perfect, but the process is asymptotic to the correct answers and thus aligns along that string of pearls.

I like that song but it needs to swing. It’s march music turned into marshmallow music. Miller must have known that, which I think gets at Shaw’s comment about better Glenn lived and the music died: that smoothing out the music was an intentional choice, not the best Glenn could do but the best he could do to be popular. I think Artie was saying Glenn was a sell-out. Never thought that before. The swing part is old: Miller worked at Yale developing new marching music. The song came out in 1941 and he joined the military in 42.

I tried to take that further, but it generated threads with multiple outcomes, and I didn’t want to pick one to present as though it were the true choice. A choice. The choice which generates before me, in front of mine own eyes. That is the v’ahavtah, the prayer following shehma. Wow. I don’t remember ever talking about this and it’s something I’ve thought deeply about.

The primary prayer is the statement to take into your heads, Israel, meaning both the person Israel, which is meant to be you, and all Israel, which then draws out from you to the Boundary of Israel, which relates to the conception of the furthest mosque being inside the person not a physical place.

It then says God is all God and that God is a big 1, meaning a whole. That says we worship the uncountable which contains within it all forms of worship and all names for God. Again, Mohammed explained this as the Jews have their Book. It is only difficult to talk about because Christianity claims descent from and replacement of Jewish belief, and Christianity thus invented a story about Jews claiming exclusivity to God which they took over. Like it’s a big capture the flag game and holding your flag means only you know God. This may be the ultimate argument against unbridled competition.

Continuing. I ate. This time made eggs in butter with cheese and herbs. Didn’t have the right cheese but it was good as it was: pale and smooth, folded once, with cheese leaking out. Needed something like Boursin.

The Apollonian gasket is Triangular of Boundaries within a Boundary. It’s 3 circles within a circle with 3 circles stuck in every hole between the circles, forever. So all the Boundaries are tangent, meaning they Attach. This enables the spread of information as pairs connect across and within a context.

And the circles can be different sizes, which reflects the relative Boundaries. And they make clear the old point about 3 and 5: you can see that in the basic construction, you have 3 circles and 2 implied, with one being in the center and the other being the enclosure. How many times have we modeled that? I love when I come across ancient wisdom we can explain.

So that leads to doing this with spheres. Need 4 for that, and you still get the 2 extra. And that leads to the horosphere. Which takes that to a hyperbolic surface which has a tangent point. I find it easier to see with a horocycle, which is the 2D form.

I’m struck by something else: the image of a horosphere using hexagons. These aren’t regular, but they’re hexagons which Attach as a structure. That says to me: these hexagons communicate to that point, or at least they can communicate among themselves because the central End is the Attachment.

[a-space-to-take-a-breath]

Journal 3: Apathy & Loneliness

12-19-2023

Apathy

I have been struggling to feel anything short of apathy chopped up by brief intense bursts of emotion when I’m not around others the last month or so. It seems to be getting worse too. And I’m not sure if it’s seasonal effective disorder or what but I’ve been really struggling with executive dysfunction. My dishes have been half or not done for the last month. I will do just enough work to make them not gross, no food that could rot, make sure there’s no standing water or things that could mold and then I *REALLY* struggle to move beyond that without outside pressure. So it’s like a tidy pile of dirty dishes that shifts and moves slightly as I Theseus’ Ship my way through the pile. Incredible.

You can really copy paste that same sort of vibe onto other things: vacuuming, cleaning, dusting, laundry. All minimal effort put in to keep a safe mostly tidy living space. I don’t understand why my brain works this way. It’s not like I’ve been doing anything in my free time, I have no motivation, desire or drive to really do much. And I have a strong desire to fix these things but it’s like I have an incredible mental block every time I try to get up and do the dishes, or throw my laundry in a basket. Why? Why can’t I just fucking fold my laundry. Or run another load. Or wash some dishes while my rice cooks rather than write this stupid fucking journal entry. I’m so fucking angry with my own inability to just function like a normal person, I don’t get it.

Instead of doing most anything productive I instead sit down at my computer, stare at it for a bit. Maybe watch something for a bit, fail to get engaged, open a game, immediately feel a wave of… I’m not sure… sadness, depression, a feeling like I’m wasting my life away? What am I doing? Why am I here? What is the point of me being on this stupid fucking planet if I’m going to go work a brain dead job for 9 hours with a 1.5 hour commute both ways. Then do absolutely nothing to work against the litany of horrors that exist here? I look at my boss, my coworkers, even some of my friends and I feel overwhelming despair. Some of them seem like they are just biding their time until they die. I don’t want to be that. But how do I change? **How** do I do better? Do I sell everything I own and move to a low cost of living country? Go to work for change? Do I switch careers into non profits working for sustainability? Do I quit my job, get some roommates and throw myself into politics? I don’t know. It all feels so fraught. And there’s no easy answer. I’ve never had a mentor, never had an older person who was willing to take me under their wing in any meaningful way and truly help me. And I yearn for someone to lean on in this respect. Guidance.

Loneliness

I recently lost one of my closest friends. He’s still alive but the friendship slowly deteriorated and now snapped. I still have close friends. But I don’t have many, and they are not near me for the most part. I mentioned this in a previous entry I wrote: I am finally starting to build some level of community here in the city and I have never felt more lonely in my life. Some nights I feel like going somewhere or doing something and my entire being just rejects the idea on some visceral level. There are so many bars, movie theatres, restaurants, shops and other cool places near me. And I just struggle to even explore beyond the lens of my camera.

The era of online community separates and secludes us in ways that are insidious. There’s an illusion of easy community but it is as hard or maybe even harder to build it to a level where it fulfills to any similar level as in person community does. This is the struggle I find myself in, as I work to distance myself from virtual communities and find or build connections and community with those around me. But it comes back to the same problem as before, everyone else also works, they have their own lives and priorities. And community is often not one of them in America. Maybe it’s just becoming time for me to leave this country.