#i can’t even really explain why. it just feels wrong
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Same for both. The thing with explaining the reasons with an apology for me is part of the “I recognize how this action was wrong and how I ended up doing this thing that hurt you. I will be making an effort to stop this behavior. I hope you feel okay calling me out on it going forward. I want to assure you that I am aware of what I did, why I did it, that I am going to be working on it, that this hurt you, and that I’m sorry I did this.”
To me the reasons and why it happened shows that they understand and how likely they are to keep doing the same things or if thy ran it, that kind of thing. I’ve had someone who was basically overdosing on Xanax day spent the most horrible shit to me, hitting every insecurity I had about our friendship and after the fact *not* apologize and just said something like “I didn’t reply mean it, I just said crazy shit because I was prescribed a higher dose of Xanax than a person should be.”
Like… okay, I get that… and… it would mean something if you said “I’m sorry, I know it hurt you and I said a lot of things I knew would hurt most. I didn’t know I was prescribed higher dose than I should’ve been until recently and it really fucked with my head in a way that I wasn’t myself.” Instead, I wasn’t sure if she actually meant what she said looking back or if she’d do it again only without her mind being fucked up.
She gave the reason without the apology which made it an excuse and a “so you can’t be upset with anything I said” when she could scroll back and see exactly the things she said to me even if she didn’t quite remember. However, with an apology, I would be able to believe she didn’t mean it and was in a state of mind where she was actively looking to be as hurtful as possible rather than actually believing hat she said. It’s kind of like how some people go turn out to be suicidal try to make everyone around them hate them before going through with it under the notion it’d “hurt less” when it happens. I think of one or two popular youtubers who did exactly that, posting outrageous bigoted shit before disappearing and after hearing they killed themselves, it clicked that’s what they were doing.
As for the telling a story for how thy relate (as I did above actually lol) it’s like… “listen here’s a thing I went through… to me it sounds like what you’re going through, so I hope what I did to get through it helps or if talking to someone who might understand better makes you feel okay talking about this.”
It’s like… it adds some weight or legitimacy to what the person you’re talking to is saying for me. I’d be more likely to take their advice or reflect on how I handle or perceive it vs how they might have. When someone isn’t grasping at all what you’re saying, it turns into defending why you’re feeling and going through rather than being able to just… talk about it.
Idk, been thinking on the nuance of this for a while. I like reasons, I like getting an idea on if this will happen again or not. There’s just a lot of “depends on the person/situation” tho.
#apologies explanations and reasons#interesting stuff#it doesn’t even have to be lengthy#at work I’ve apologized for shit#and as a follow up to days ago conversations#just saying ‘I’ve thought about it had something explained to me I completely forgot this thing we don’t normally do you were right”#and they do say “eh you don ave to apologize”#but I still want to own that i was wrong rather than have them think I’ll never consider why they say seriously
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pepero day mishaps with riize !
summary ⭑.ᐟ they mistakenly grab a box of condoms instead of your usual pepero snack <3 (as referenced from here) content warning ⭑.ᐟ condom mentions, slightly suggestive, secondhand embarrassment maybe.
a/n; i know it's already the 12th... </3
☆ : embarrassed, please go easy on him
shotaro:
it would be the first time shotaro’s ever celebrated pepero day with someone meaningful, wanting to commemorate it by buying you a box before he came to pick you up. he’d show up at your place, smiling brightly as he hands you the box. shotaro would be excited about today, telling you there were a lot of things he wanted to do with you, like the pepero game or getting to decorate a piece for each other. you wouldn’t know any better though, surprised to see packs of condoms inside the box instead of the familiar foil packet that had pepero in it. you’d pour a few out on your hand, still in denial, making shotaro panic once he realizes. he’d be embarrassed, apologizing over and over again as he snatches the box out of your hands. needless to say, he’d be bummed out the entire day, still bothered by the unintentional blunder he made. putting a smile on shotaro’s face wouldn’t be difficult though, going back outside to buy actual boxes of pepero this time and doing all of the things he wanted to try just to make him feel better.
seunghan:
i just know seunghan takes made-up events like this seriously— this is serious business for him. he would have planned out an entire date, along with his gift and a letter to show how much he appreciates being with you on pepero day. it would be romantic just like he planned and as he opens the box, hand scrambling inside to reach for the pepero snack, he pulls out a handful of condom packets instead. seunghan would freeze in shock, the romantic atmosphere crumbling down in an instant. you’d be laughing at the incident, laughing even more at the look on his face. it would take a lot before seunghan recovers, having to seek comfort in your arms because he can’t believe he was careless. he’d explain to you that the packaging was different from their normal ones that he just wanted to give it to you so you’d feel special </3 you'd coo at him, reassuring him that you understood what he was trying to do and that he shouldn't be this shy over condoms lmaoo
anton:
it’d be funny ngl. anton walking in a random convenience store at six in the morning and grabbing a red box reminiscent of the pepero packaging without even checking, all because you’ve been texting him last night about how excited you were for today. you’d wake up to anton hugging you from behind, the red box placed in front of you. it would put a smile on your face, appreciating the gesture even though anton never got the point of pepero day. excited, you’d open it up, getting mixed signals when you see condoms instead of your favorite biscuit sticks. anton was always the type to show affection through his actions so you weren’t too surprised that he went out of his way to 'ask' in this way. he would stir awake to you hugging him back, wondering why you were being affectionate. once you explain to him what he brought you, he’d be confused, scrambling to check with his own eyes. anton would pull out various excuses, like how it’s too early in the morning or even pull the foreigner excuse, cheeks and ears bright red out of embarrassment.
☆ : works out in their favor
eunseok:
did he do it on purpose? who knows. eunseok for sure would’ve found it amusing nonetheless. a quick trip to the convenience store meant that he only grabbed the first thing that caught his attention, whether it was subconsciously or he really didn’t know was all up in the air. you couldn’t really blame him though, the boxes were similar and stacked next to each other. conveniently, you also just ran out of condoms so it works out perfectly. finding out that he bought the wrong thing wouldn’t even faze him, blushing as he laughs. if it was any other day, he’d be too ashamed to even say anything but ‘gifting’ you a box of condoms felt appropriate for an event like today. once you two have settled down, maybe even got an actual box of the snack, eunseok would lay beside you, pulling you in his embrace as you held the box of condoms. he’d praise their marketing sense, mumbling about how he wants to see how good the quality is next so you could write a review afterwards or whatever ;;;
sungchan:
regardless of the event, you’re getting spoiled no matter what because sungchan would definitely be the type to get one of each, the box of condoms accidentally getting added in the mix. he’d sit you down on his lap, going through every single box and feeding one of each to you by mouth. he might even sneak in a little kiss in between just to stay true to the pepero day shenanigans. you would have gone through half of the boxes by this point, the mood starting to get hot and heavy. the moment sungchan grabs the condom packet, he’d stare at it curiously before glancing back at you, a playful smile growing on his face. sungchan wouldn’t even have the time to feel embarrassed because he knows you feel the same way as he does.
sohee:
i like to think that sohee would know, laughing at the drawing on the box (it’s pepero characters with the unrolled condom on their heads). he’d find it funny, buying one along with a box of pepero for you like he planned on doing. he’d even share it to the boys’ group chat, jokingly warning them to be careful </3 sohee would hide the fact that he knows, wanting to surprise you with it. clueless, you’d give sohee a kiss on the cheek, thanking him for the pepero day gift. it would kill him if you started taking photos of it to post on your socials, holding back his laugh as he watched you. sohee would start to feel guilty at how happy you look though, hugging you from behind and telling you to try opening the box. you would be the one panicking in this case, quickly grabbing your phone and deleting all stories and posts you've made of it </3
☆ : the secret third option
wonbin:
poor guy would've went out to buy out an entire stock to make it into a bouquet because he's seen it on social media. wonbin likes doing romantic gestures and he'd be satisfied with himself afterwards, proudly showing the bouquet off as he comes pick you up for your date. you would have to ask him if he walked around while carrying it, which he smiles at and nods— your shoulders moving up and down as you try your best not to burst out laughing in front of his face. it would take him a while to realize, face paling when you explained to him that these boxes did not contain the sweet snack you both knew. seconds later, wonbin’s knees would give out from embarrassment, wailing and beating himself up for not checking. he’d start to connect all the weird glances he got, especially from the cashier, feeling even more embarrassed the more he thought about it. your pepero day date would be cancelled and a movie night will have to do (and maybe put one of the eleven boxes he bought to good use)
#riize#riize imagines#riize soft hours#shotaro imagines#eunseok imagines#sungchan imagines#wonbin imagines#seunghan imagines#sohee imagines#anton imagines#૮ > ⤙ < ྀིა#ddolfluffs#ddlz: headcanons#ddlz: osr#ddlz: ses#ddlz: jsc#ddlz: pwb#ddlz: hsh#ddlz: lsh#ddlz: lcy
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when they find out you’re a mermaid
pairing: enhypen x f!reader g: fluff, est relationship warnings: cursing, pet names, kissing note: i’m literally writing an h2o inspired fic but i wanted to do this too hehe also i went crazy with sunghoon’s lmao
LEE HEESEUNG
you didn’t expect to see your boyfriend in your secluded area on the beach, and unfortunately it was too late to hide your tail.
“hey baby i—” cue the shock.
you’re looking at him in fear, not knowing what he’s gonna do next. is he gonna scream? run? tell someone? but he doesn’t do any of those things, he just asks, astonished, “you’re a mermaid?”
when you nod, he just walks forward, sitting on his knees beside you. “how did this happen?” when you explain it to him, he’s amazed. “i never knew something like that was possible.”
“are you afraid?” you ask him. he shakes his head, “afraid? baby i think you’re the most magnificent thing i’ve ever seen.” and he just looks at you like he’s even more in love than he already was.
“can i touch it?” he asks, and you know he’s referring to your tail. you giggle and nod, and he wastes no time in bring a gentle hand to it. the scales feel smooth against his hand and he’s mesmerized.
you ask if he’s gonna tell anyone and he shakes his head vehemently, “no, never. i would never put you in danger like that.” and you know that you can trust him.
PARK JONGSEONG
you invited your boyfriend over to confess something that’s been gnawing at you for awhile.
when he arrives, he gives you the usual hug and kiss, but quickly realizes something serious is going on.
“what’s wrong babe?”
you say nothing, just taking his hand and leading him to your bedroom. while inside you sit on the bed, him following you.
“i have something to tell you… or rather, show you.”
you take the water bottle on your nightstand, open it, and pour just the smallest amount on yourself.
jay looks at you in confusion, but within seconds, you’ve transformed. it almost blinds it, the glowing light, but after it subsides, the first thing he sees is your tail.
“what the fuck?” he says, eyes wide and mouth open. “you’re a….mermaid?” as you tell him your story, he listens intently as he always does though he’s still shocked. once you finish, his mouth opens and closes like a fish, which you can’t help but find adorable. “are you mad?” you ask.
“no, i’m just… in awe i guess. i never thought mermaids were real but here you are.” he immediately promises that he won’t tell anyone to your relief and starts asking questions. as you show him your power, he looks like a kid in a candy shop.
“you’re amazing, i can’t believe my girlfriends a mermaid.” the giddy smile on his face makes you laugh.
SIM JAEYUN
you completely forgot that jake has a key to your apartment.
you don’t realize he’s inside until he’s barging into your bathroom while your mid-bath, in your mermaid form.
he jumps back, “what the fuck?”
you begin to stutter, trying to find something to say. “that’s a sick costume, why are you wearing it in the tub though?”
oh my god, you can’t help but laugh at his obliviousness. “it’s not a costume, jake. it’s real.” he blinks a couple times, looking like a confused puppy. “but mermaids aren’t real?”
“well, they are. and i’m one of them.”
he walks forward, running his hand along your tail and you can visibly see him shiver. “holy shit.”
once you explain how you became this way, he looks star struck. “so that pool really turned you, with the moon and everything?”
as you nod and answer more of his questions, him having comes to sit beside the tub on the toilet, you realize he’s not angry or upset. you voice this to him and he just gives you his signature smile, “of course i’m not angry. why would i be? i understand why you kept it from me.”
you relax, knowing you can trust him. within a few minutes he’s become obsessed with your tail. he’s continuously stroking it, amazed by the texture of the scales and the way your top is covered. you indulge him, feeling safe and relieved now that he knows.
PARK SUNGHOON
you knew you shouldn’t have come to this party. it’s a pool party for gods sake. you don’t belong near any pools. sunghoon is the one who invited you, it’s his party of course, why wouldn’t he invite his girlfriend? you should’ve came up with an excuse to miss it, but you didn’t want to disappoint him.
you figured as long as you stay covered from head to toe and stay away from the pool, you’ll be okay.
how wrong you were. not only are you getting questioning looks for your attire, your boyfriend being one of them, you can’t seem to get far away enough from the water.
“baby, are you okay? why are you wearing all that?” all that being layers and a long coat. you tell him you’re not feeling good and he pouts a little, “you could’ve told me, i would’ve understood.”
you know, but you didn’t want him to get suspicious.
without warning, two guys behind you suddenly lift you up, throwing you into the pool. your other friends that are there, manage to get everyone inside, locking them in with ice.
everyone except sunghoon.
as you turn, your worst fear comes to life as sunghoon looks at you in shock, or what you assume to be horror.
“what the hell is going on?” he says, backing away from the pool. you stutter as you try to explain, but you can hear the others trying to get back outside.
“help us sunghoon!” your friends beg, as they try to pull you out of the pool, but you’re too heavy.
he just stands there, frozen in place. you hold out your hand, “i’ll explain everything. just please, help me.”
your pleading eyes seem to snap him out of it, and then he’s helping pull you out of the pool onto the concrete. your friend quickly uses her power to begin drying your tail. it burns but you don’t complain.
when you’ve successfully changed back, you and the others rush out of there, not wanting people to question how you’re dry.
once away from the others, you explain yourself to sunghoon. the other girls backing you up. “are you upset?” you ask. sunghoon shakes his head, “not at all, just shocked and amazed. but don’t worry you’re all safe with me.” he takes your hand, kissing the back of it.
KIM SUNOO
you and sunoo have been dating for a few months and you’ve been trying to find a way to tell him you’re a mermaid.
you decide to take him to mako island, where you know no one else will see.
“i don’t understand why we’re here. you know i don’t like hiking.” he’s complaining and you can’t help but giggle at his attitude. you promise him you’re almost there, and once you reach the opening you send him down first, following afterward.
“i damn near broke my ankle! what are we doing down here?”
you lead him to the moon pool, and he looks around in awe. “what is this place?”
“that’s what i wanted to show you,” you say before gently lowering yourself into the moon pool. sunoo just looks at you confused and starts to talk, “why are you getting in the water—"
he’s interrupted by the bright glow of your transformation. once your mermaid form is visible, he gasps.
“what the fuck? what is this? what are you? you’re a mermaid?” his mouth is moving a million miles a minute, throwing out question after question.
you finally manage to calm him down and explain what happened. his widened eyes eventually soften, “oh baby, why didn’t you tell me sooner? i’d never be upset or betray you.”
“i know, i was just scared.”
“you never have to be scared with me, i’ll never hurt you.” with that, he leans down, giving you a kiss.
YANG JUNGWON
jungwon was the human equivalent of a nerd. his interest in mythology of all kinds amazed you.
his latest fascination, mermaids. he tells you all about their “possible” existence, sightings, origins, everything there is to know. which is why, when you finally decide to show him your other form, he’s more than ecstatic.
“i fucking knew it, i knew they were real! holy shit my girlfriends a mermaid!”
you answer all his questions, confirming and denying facts and misconceptions. once he’s finally calmed down and not so jittery, you ask him, “you’re not gonna tell anyone, are you?”
“and let them take you away to experiment on you and shit? no way! i’d never do that to you, i love you.”
you coo, “i love you more.”
you let him touch your tail, and he’s amazed by the luminescence of your scales. how they shine in the sunlight.
you tell him all about your abilities and power. showing him how you can manipulate water and speak to sea creatures.
“promise me you’ll take me swimming with you one time? i’d love to see you in action.”
NISHIMURA RIKI
riki was worried when you texted him, telling him you needed to talk. he expected the worst, that you were breaking up with him, not this by a long shot.
as he stares at your tail, his gaze unwavering, his face almost emotionless, you get nervous.
“riki, are you okay?”
he looks up at you finally, and just says, “you’re a fucking mermaid.” before going back to look at your tail.
you snort, “gee thanks for letting me know.”
he doesn’t even react to your sarcasm, just continues to stare.
“my girlfriends a mermaid. this is the coolest day of my life,” he says after a solid 5 minutes of silence.
you take his hand, bringing it to your tail to touch. he’s gentle, treating you as if you’ll break.
“this is the coolest day of my life,” he repeats.
you laugh, “we got that the first time. are you gonna tell?”
he shakes his head, “i don’t want anyone knowing about this except me. it’ll be our little secret.” he brings you forward for a kiss. letting you go, he jumps into questions, and you answer them all gratefully.
© AEWON 2024
#aewon#aewon works ��#k-labels#enhypen#enhypen x reader#enha#enha niki#enha heeseung#enha jay#enha jungwon#enha sunghoon#enha sunoo#sunghoon enha#jake enhypen#enhypen sunghoon#niki enhypen#enhypen heeseung#enhypen sunoo#enhypen au#jungwon enhypen#enhypen jay#enhypen scenarios#enhypen headcanons#enhypen x female reader#enhypen x y/n#enhypen x you#enhypen x engene#enhypen smau#enhypen series#sunghoon fluff
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Reader fails at flirting - Mihawk, & Crocodile
Content: SFW content, clumsiness, ranting, & bad pick up lines
Notes* Thank you for your patience while I struggled through my writer’s block! This was a request from a looong time ago but I no longer have that ask to reply to it seems. I believe Smoker was also supposed to be here, but I’m just going to upload this and take it easy while I get back into the writing spirit :)
Mihawk
Not the type for talking, attempts at flirting with Mihawk usually end up with long, awkward silences that you feel the need to fill, which makes you sound even more awkward as you bounce from topic to topic
He was always the first to show up at the Warlord meetings, and since you worked in the building, it gave you an opportunity to chat him up as you pour the champagne for each guest
He only barely glances at you every now and then as you try to get his attention, ranting on about whatever comes to mind in the moment and asking him questions that he doesn’t respond to
You always end up feeling defeated at the end of the day. Always left with the heavy feeling that he just doesn’t like you, no matter what you say
Eventually you decide that you can’t keep pestering him. Next time there’s a meeting, you decide not to shoot into chatter with him when he arrives
You keep your head down, silence in the room. You can feel his eyes on your back as you walk around, watering the plants and doing whatever you can do to stay in his presence without having to talk to him
And then,
“Is something wrong?”
You’re embarrassed by how fast you look back at him. It’s the first time he’s addressed you. You, stuttering like mad, tell him that nothing is wrong
“You didn’t greet me today.”
He sounds… Disappointed. You ask him why he never responded, adding that you thought you had been annoying him, and that you weren’t even sure he knew who you were
Then he says your name- your full one. He starts to repeat information you’ve told him about yourself, a mix of information that you had thrown at him over all the different times you’ve met him. It touches your heart that he remembers it all
“I know who you are very well, actually. If you gave me a moment to think of my answers, I would have been able to share. You speak too quickly.”
He explains it so bluntly, but now that you think about it- you didn’t really give him much time to think before you moved on to the next subject. So the awkward silences were just Mihawk trying to put his words together
He urges you to take a seat beside him, that way he can finally give you the responses you were looking for
“You should try to let the other person respond if you’re going to flirt with them.”
He says it almost scoldingly, but he’s smirking at you
Crocodile
As a citizen of Alabasta, Crocodile was someone that many people looked up to. But only you were in semi-regular contact with him
Every now and then, he would come dine at your workplace and every single time, you were his server. Your co-workers were always too intimidated to potentially get something wrong- the man was intimidating, after all -so that meant that anytime he was in, you were the one to face him
He always ordered the same thing when he came, which made it easier after a while. You’d already be walking up to his table with the wine he liked while his food was in the oven before he’d even made his order
The problem was that your ridiculous crush on him made you clumsy as hell
The first few times you were safe- the tripping over your feet and dropping plates had only happened out of his view, where it was your co-workers that would laugh or chastise you for not being careful enough
But then it had caught up to you in the worst way
You were taking the wine to his table and, as always, you engaged him in some casual conversation. Something about the weather or asking how his casino was doing
He would always answer shortly. Something of a grunt that either sounded positive or negative, or a short answer of ‘good’ or ‘eh’
You were too busy staring at him and waiting for an answer to notice that you were completely missing the glass as you poured his wine
And in turn, he was too surprised at your new, sudden carelessness to answer
Eventually you’d noticed as the wine started to spill onto the floor. Crocodile got up from his chair as you scrambled to get the spill contained to just the tablecloth, but also trying to be careful of all the glass on the table
The white tablecloth would be stained for sure
Crocodile just watched the whole time, holding his cigar between his fingers
The next few times went similarly. You’d bring the wine, serve his food, and give the bill- and every time, you would do something wrong.
Forgetting his silverware, serving him the wrong plate, etc.
At least he always tipped you nicely. That never changed
You’d been so determined to make sure everything went right that the next time he walked in, you tried to be extra careful. You brought him his wine and paused, noticing his hand covering his glass.
“Just water today.”
Three simple words that threw you off. Why? What was wrong with the wine? Was it you?
Your on your way back from getting his ice water when a co-worker steps back, bumping into you from behind and sending you off balance, tipping the serving tray and sending Crocodile’s ice-cold water all over him
Your co-worker all but bails out of the dining hall, leaving you slack jawed, staring at Crocodile’s ruined suit. You can’t even muster up the bravery to apologize to the man as the ice cubes slip off of him and onto the floor
Then he laughs. It’s a loud, booming laugh that seems even louder while the room is dead silent. You’re sure you’re going to die there either from embarrassment or his wrath
“I’ve never seen someone trip over themselves so much just to get my attention. It’s flattering.” He says, smirking down at you while you’re still frozen in place. Then he asks you what time your shift is over, and you answer that you’re done in an hour
He tells you to make sure you’re here in 3 hours, that way he can dry off and have a proper conversation with you
You’re left there, confused, wondering if it’s going to be a date or a murder when he returns
#one piece#harleywritesop#hwop#sir crocodile#crocodile x reader#op crocodile#crocodile one piece#op mihawk#mihawk x reader#mihawk one piece#hawkeye mihawk#dracule mihawk
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Flashing Lights #6
Series; actor Drew x actress reader
Summary: Drew gets involved in the worst scandal of his career. One way to solve it? Proving to the whole world that he’s the sweetest lover to exist. Who better to help than the one person he can’t stand? You, an A class actress with an alcohol addiction. So, will Drew clear up his reputation, or leave with a bigger mess to clean up?
Genre: fake dating, enemies to lovers(?, slow burn, angst, smut,
Warning: mentions of alcohol, swearing, mentions of k!lling oneself, mentions of rape & sa, mentions of drug usage, smoking & vaping,
⋆.˚ please dont copy my work, if inspired please tag me
⋆.˚ this is entirely fictional, if uncomfortable then don't read
♡⸝⸝ chapter5 | index | chapter7 soon!
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──
Mid-May 2024
It’s just you and Drew now.
Laura left after getting the two of you settled in this hotel room, explaining how your stylists would be here in less than an hour, Vogue coming over to film a getting-ready vlog.
You anxiously stand by the window, looking down to the city. It was beautiful; but your anxiety didn’t let you appreciate it. You wanted a smoke. A drink too.
The no-smoking sign on the table catches your eye, and you look at the ceiling. Smoking detectors were on it. Fuck. So, you reach for the alternative.
You pick the room cell up, typing the number to the lobby.
But Drew hangs it up, then grabs the cell from you. You look at him, pissed. “What? That was important,” you lie, but it was partially true, you needed alcohol to settle yourself.
“Really?,” he says, putting the cell back. He glares down at you, as if you stole his money or something. “I’m not letting you.”
You let his words hang in the air, sharp and defiant.
Instead, you reach for the room cell again.
Drew harshly grabs your wrist, which you immediately shake yourself out of. “Hey. What’s your fucking problem?” You ask impatiently.
“That’s what I should be asking,” he replies. After a few seconds, he talks again. “Why would you go out with him?”
Oh. So he’s asking about what happened last week.
It was nothing. You met Theo at the grand prix, who was surprisingly friendly. The two of you weren’t alone on the yacht; there was a small party before it. Theo and you just stayed longer, and the media made it seem like it was like that the whole night.
Of course, you were too drunk to remember the details of what happened when it was just the two of you, but from the pictures; yeah, it was really bad. Your PR team gave you a hard scolding for that, and even fines for breaking one of the terms on the contract.
You cross your arms, holding your head high. You didn’t do anything wrong; Drew’s intimidating stare won’t break you; nothing will. “I didn’t go out with him.”
“Does he know that?” His voice unable to hid the mockery behind them.
“Of course.” Lie. Maybe a lie.
“Y/n.”
“What? I can’t answer for him. But I know it wasn’t a date.”
“Right, two people of the opposite sex alone, on a yacht-“
“Not a date-“
“With wine, table candles, food-“
“Not a fucking date-“
“Touching each other? Smiling like he’s the funniest shit ever-“
“Fucking shut up, Drew,” you say, slightly louder than him. What he’s going on about, is just stupid. You already got scolded by the PR team, you didn’t need another person telling you you fucked up.
Drew does shut up, but only for a few seconds. “Fine, then what really happened, y/n? Tell me, tell me and I’ll believe it.”
You look at him.
“Why should I fucking tell you?”
The anger in your voice isn't just directed at him; it's a mix of frustration and confusion, the feeling that you shouldn't owe anyone an explanation, least of all him.
Drew’s eyebrows furrow even harder, his tongue poking against his cheek. You go on; ignoring how you’re filling up his anger meter. “All you need to fucking know is that it wasn’t a date. Fuck, why are you even talking to me about this? It’s not part of the contract, it’s not part of-“
“Contract?” He interrupts, looking at you in confusion and disbelief, as if your point of view was absolutely shit. “What does this have to do with-“
“That’s the whole reason you’re here-“
“What the fuck does the contract have to do-“
“Every fucking thing, Drew. The contract has everything to do with you being here. You don’t even care-“
“I do care,” he answers quickly, but you scoff. “Otherwise, I wouldn’t be talking to you-“
“Really? You do care? What do you care about?”
“You,” he exclaims, his features softening.
Bullshit. “Your fucking reputation, you mean?”
He shakes his head, a smile on his lips. You furrow your eyebrows, feeling pissed that he’s laughing. “What-“
“You’re unbelievable, y/n,” he starts, and suddenly, his aura feels cold, different from earlier when it was just pure anger. “Why can’t you just explain the situation to me? Huh?”
“I don’t want to,” you tell him, lowering your voice. No. You won’t- can’t tell him.
“Okay, because I might not care?” He asks, ignoring what you want to add on. “If I really didn’t, why would I ask?”
Drew’s blue eyes make you want to yield everything to him. There’s a bit of comfort in his eyes, behind all the anger, “because…because you’re just another co-star I meet. You don’t really care.”
You continue to stare into his eyes, challenging him to disagree.
“But I do.”
He says it so faintly, that it felt like the words were your hallucinations. But he did say it. Well, too bad you weren’t one to be swayed easily by words. “Stop lying, Drew. It just makes you look stupid.”
You brush past him and reach for the room cell. You needed like, five bottles of wine to move past this. To even survive the film festival later.
But Drew stops you yet again. “Let go of me,” you threaten, shrugging his hands off your wrist.
He doesn’t budge, even after saying it a second time.
“Why can’t you can’t understand basic shit?” You snap, finally shaking him off and putting the cellphone back.
If you knew your next insult towards him would end badly for you, you wouldn’t have said it. “You’re so insufferable to be around, you know that?”
Drew stares at you, furrowed eyebrows back in place.
What was he thinking of now? Thinking about a better insult? Thinking about all your flaws? It’s evident that he wants to say something mean about you.
“What? What were you going to say?” You ask, getting impatient. “Say it. I’m sure whatever you’re thinking, they have it worse for me.”
His lips form a small frown, but his eyes stay mean, staring down at you.
Okay. Now this was annoying. Suddenly, he doesn’t feel like talking?
“Do you need help forming it?” You tease, stepping closer to him. His eyes flicker fast to your lips, before back into your eyes. “Let me give you a few ideas. Druggie, coke-head, slut, oh, wait, BBC said something about me once. It was-“
“I don’t think of you that way.”
“Your face says otherwise.”
“You think of yourself that way.”
“What?” You scoff yet again.
“You could be so much better, y/n. But instead, you let yourself rot,” Woah, what is he talking about? “Always getting drunk, smoking your lungs out, and putting on this- this sloppy attitude. You give up on yourself when other people haven’t. Why- why the fuck would you do that? Y/n, why are you treating yourself this way?”
His words throw you off track. It’s the first time someone has said this type of stuff to you.
You swallow hard, your throat running dry. For the first time in a while, you feel exposed. His words hit you like a punch to the gut, unexpected and hard. You freeze, unsure of how to react, how to process what he’s saying.
“Why do you make yourself so insufferable?”
You want to hate him for making you feel this way, for making you feel like you're doing something wrong by existing this way. But you can’t. He’s right, isn’t he?
Even with the constant buzz stinging your mind, you still refuse to show weakness. You refuse to show that his words have impact on you. “No; you make me insufferable in your eyes. You hate me, you hate how I bring more trouble to you-“
“I don’t hate you-“
“You hate how you’re stuck in this situation with me, but you know that only I can help you out-“
“Maybe, but I realized-“
“You stick around and then act like you care-“
“How many times do I have to tell you I do care about you-“
“You’re just like the rest, Drew!” You yell over him. He shuts up, looking at you with furrowed brows. “The fame, the money, the people I can bring you, that’s what you care! You’re just waiting for your payoff. ”
The contract again. That fucking contract mentioned again.
You see his Adam’s apple move, his features softening.
The doorbell rings, probably the stylists. You look away from Drew, hugging yourself tight, to keep yourself together.
He brushes past you, going to open the door.
The crew starts filing in, talking and setting up like nothing’s wrong. The noise feels like a wall around you, a barrier between what just happened and the performance you have to put on.
You glance around. Drew’s gone.
He must've left.
——
You tried your best to make Drew’s words leave your mind.
You drank a bottle and smoked half a vape in a the last few hours while getting ready, and still, his words left a scar on you. You couldn’t believe yourself either, affected by Drew’s fake concern for you.
“Give it to me, y/n, we’re arriving.”
Laura’s talking about the vape in your hand. You take on last breath, before handing it over to her. “This dress is uncomfortable,” you comment while puffing out the smoke. This dress was very tight.
“You look beautiful,” Laura says, and a part of you wonders if she actually means it. “Now, the cast is already moving along the carpet, you’re the last one.”
“Where’s Drew?” You couldn’t help but ask, knowing that you only attended the Cannes’ film festival to be seen with him.
“Right… there,” she points out the window. You see Drew, in a black suit that matches your dress, signing and happily taking photos with fans. He looked… fine.
“Ready?” Laura asks, once the car stops.
It was your first time at the Cannes film festival. You’ve always declined because of your ‘schedule’, but really, it was because of your anxiety. The flashing lights, the disrespectful questions, and audience that have high expectations. These reasons are mainly why you’ve always declined award shows, festivals, or any kind of event that required you to interact with people. “Yeah,” you force out.
Laura opens the door, and steps out first. You take her hand when getting out, and while adjusting your dress, multiple cameras flash. The industry never changed, has it?
Once you’re done adjusting your dress, you smile at the cameras, waving at them nicely. The lights are blinding, but you’ve trained yourself to not flinch to them.
You walk down the red carpet, until you reach where Drew was. Of course he noticed you, all the photographers were shouting, hoping that you would stare at their cameras.
He says bye to fans, before walking over to you.
He doesn’t say anything to you, and you don’t either.
Drew simply takes your hand and puts it on his inner forearm. You purposely grip tight, hoping to cause physical pain to him.
The two of walk side by side until you reach the middle, stopping for photos to be taken.
Drew wraps his arm around your waist, standing closely to you. You pretend something is wrong with his collar, smiling while adjusting it. You meet his eyes, and you just smile even more; acting. He smiles at you too; acting.
Acting. Act. Act. Act.
He whispers in your ear, making sure to get close enough so photographers don’t catch his lips. “You smell like grapes.” Oh. His breath hits your neck, and you feel your goosebumps rise.
He moves away, looking at you lovingly; acting.
You pat his chest and smile at him lovingly; acting.
The photographers’ camera’s flash doesn’t stop, not even for a brief moment. All eager to capture every movement of this couple. Little did they know, while the both of you posed lovingly next to each other, hours ago a catastrophic fight happened.
After a few more seconds which felt like minutes, one of the staff informs you to move up the stairs, where your other cast members were waiting for you.
As you make your way toward the stairs, Drew’s hand hovers close to your lower waist, almost like a protective gesture. The warmth of his palm against your skin is an odd comfort, and for a moment, you forget everything else—the argument, the tension, the walls you’ve built up between you.
When you turn your back to the cameras, the weight of the moment hits you. The flashing lights and fake smiles are just a blur now. You face him, your words soft but certain. “You’re right.”
He blinks, taken aback, and lifts his hand, waiting for you to take it. “What?”
You meet his eyes, swallowing down the mess of emotions swirling inside. For a brief second, you think about pulling away, about keeping the distance. But instead, you take his hand, letting it slip into his.
You raise the hem of your dress slightly, your steps becoming more deliberate as you climb the stairs. “You’re right,” you repeat, your voice steady, almost as if saying it out loud makes it real. “About everything.”
"Y/n, why are you treating yourself this way?"
“But, the industry shaped me to be this way. I don’t know any other way,” you confess, looking at the stairs while saying this.
The two of you reach where your co-stars were, and you let go of his hand.
The director of this movie, which is about the working class in the 1800s, makes space for you in the middle, urging you to stand next to him.
It was the director’s first work, so he was very eager to have his main leads stand next to him. Not only that, but because of your performance in this film, today, it was nominated for numerous categories.
You do, and smile at the camera with the director’s arm around you.
“I thought you wouldn’t come,” the male lead, whispers to you, a smile on for the photos. “You never come.”
“This one’s special,” you reply, referring to Drew.
He must’ve thought you were talking about the movie, “good thing I persuaded you to take the role.”
The flashing continues, but the staff informs that it was time to head inside. You turn around expecting Drew to wait at the top for you, but he wasn’t.
You hide your disappointment, seeing your co-star offer his hand. “I believe we’re sitting together?”
“Yes,” you smile, taking his hand.
The two of you walked up the stairs with the rest of the crew, and into the main venue.
——
The standing ovation lasted around ten minutes. Yet, felt like eternity.
The sound of clapping fills the room, surrounding you, and for once, it’s not just noise. It’s recognition. It’s validation.
It felt…extraordinary. Like something out of a dream. You couldn’t believe how many you’ve missed out on. You want to soak it all in, to savor the moment, but a part of you can’t help but wish you weren’t alone in it.
Your co-stars would stare or blow kisses at their loved ones, whispering thank you to them. But you? No one. Not even your ‘boyfriend’, who was gone from the start of the night.
Even when going up to receive awards, you wished you had someone special to dedicate your speeches or awards to. Or someone you could lock eyes with in the crowd.
You had no one.
Drew was still gone, and you soon realized, he was gone the entire night.
——
You push through the door, finally getting it open after multiple tries.
You immediately fall to the ground, your legs and arms giving up. You laugh, still a bit drunk even after sleeping in the car.
“Where were you?”
Your blurry eyes squint at the source, and you see Drew. He’s sitting on the couch, half naked and hair still wet. “I should be asking you that,” you smile, the alcohol in your veins making it hard to control your features. “I missed you.”
It wasn’t you talking; obviously the alcohol talking. Drew knew that, because he walks over and stands in front of you. “Where’ve you been?”
You look down at his toes. They’re funny. “Hey, your toes are-“
“Where the fuck did you go?” He asks more firmly this time.
You look up at him. His jaw is tight, brows furrowed in something between concern and irritation. But all you can feel is the burn in your chest, the strange weight of his question. “Why do you care?”
It comes out cold, defensive, but his eyes soften, just a little, as if he’s already heard the answer, as if he knows the real reason why he does care.
He bends down to grab your arm. He helps you up, placing your arm over his shoulder. You’re too tired to protest; letting him place you on the couch. He walks away, but he comes back with a bottle of water, a trash can, and some pills.
“Hey, drink some water,” he says, his hand going behind your neck, as he helps you sit up.
His hand is always so warm. Why?
His thumb rubs the back of your neck while you drink the water, surprisingly, you find it comforting. You finish half of it, before handing it back to him. “Wanna tell me where you went?” He asks you much more gentler this time.
“The afterparty,” you reply, as Drew removes his hand from the back of your neck. The warmth disappears, and you actually feel sad. “Your turn.”
“I stayed in here,” he confesses. His voice turns quieter now, almost hesitant. “I didn’t want to see you.”
Just because of that, he leaves? What a selfish dick. “I didn't want to see you either, but did you see me leave? No.”
“And I’m sorry,” Drew apologies. You look into his eyes, and see the sincerity in them that can’t be faked.
“I felt so stupid,” you continue, “The only person I knew was you.”
Drunk you could talk about whatever you wanted, and no one could stop you. “I know you hate me, but couldn’t you have stuck around? You only had to watch me, you didn’t need to do anything else.”
A tear falls down your cheek. It feels almost foreign, as if your body is betraying you, allowing a moment of vulnerability you didn’t expect, one that you didn't know you were capable of outside of a scene, outside the cameras.
You quickly wipe it away. “I would’ve never done that to you.”
And you meant it.
“I’m sorry,” he apologizes again, the only right thing to say right now.
Silence lingers in the air, the two of you staring down at the floor.
“It was my first time experiencing a standing ovation,” you start, giving him a soft smile. He sends you one back, a faint, quick smile. “No wonder why people like going to award shows.”
“You’ve never been to one?” He couldn’t help but ask.
“During the first few years. But after that… overdose incident, I wasn’t in the right state to attend public events,” you feel your voice shake; the memories of that night coming back to you. “Not only was I afraid, but so were the executives.”
You’ve never told any in showbiz about your drug overdose incident. Why are you telling him? Maybe, there was just something about Drew that made you want to.
And sure, everyone knew, from the media, where things are often exaggerated and vilified. But, did anyone bother hearing it from you?
This incident changed your entire life. To others, it was just hot gossip.
“Have you ever had a standing ovation for you?” You change the topic, his lack of response worrying you.
“No; but it sounds amazing,” Drew says. “I’ll…I’ll look for you when I do.”
There's something in his voice, though, something that almost feels like a promise.
“Will that time even come?” You decide to tease him instead, uncomfortable with how cheesy this is going.
“Sooner than you think,” he winks at you, before glancing down at the pill. “Take one after you shower; you’ll feel better in the morning.”
“Yeah,” you murmur, before looking towards the bathroom. “I stink, don’t I?”
“Not the worst you’ve stunk,” he comments, and you roll your eyes.
“Whatever,” you get up, but way too fast, making you almost stumble. Drew holds onto your arm, steadying you.
“Need help?”
“I can manage,” you breathe out, shaking his hand off and walking over to the bedroom. You spot your suitcase, opening it and taking a shirt and underwear. You see the bed, realizing that it’s yet another one-bed situation. You peek out the bedroom door, and Drew immediately turns his face over to you. “Um, you can have the bed if you want.”
Shyly, you close the door, ending the conversation.
——
Drew slept on the couch that night, without any protests.
-------------------------------
word count: 3.5k
ִ ࣪𖤐 a/n: a lot to take in for this chapter...phew
i have a one shot idea coming up, so look forward to it! same as usual, thx for reading, and sry for the long update (ignore my mistakes). i try writing as much as i can, but schedule doesnt allow it T_T
ps, is this a safe space? um, i was kinda losing motivation for this series a couple of days ago. but, i saw the taglist, and the ending i planned for this series. so, safe to say i got to writing!
#drew starkey#drew starkey imagine#drew starkey x reader#fiction#angst#drew starkey x you#actor#actress#series#fake dating#enemies to lovers#flashing lights#chapter 6
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I didn’t know I wanted you (Until I couldn’t have you)
Part 5/5 (master list)
Buck found himself, tipsy and angry after another awful shift, on Tommy’s couch, venting to him about the captain he has reached his breaking point with.
“I can’t take this anymore, Tommy. Everyone has no choice but to keep their heads down and not talk back to Gerrard. I—I just feel like I’m alone there. I-I know they’re still my family but I’m the only one that’s taking this so hard. I feel…I feel lost.”
“Evan, I know it’s hard, but you’re definitely not alone. Everyone wants what’s best for you. Everyone cares about you. I want what’s best for you too. I wish there was a better way to go about this. ”
“I’m really glad you’re here for me.”
“Of course. You’ve been here for me whenever I needed a friend.” Tommy’s voice was the gentlest it has ever been and his hand was so warm as it gently caressed Buck’s bicep, offering him the most comfort he’d felt in such a long time.
Buck’s heart was racing wilder than it had ever raced. He couldn’t fight these feelings anymore. He knew what he wanted.
Buck didn’t know if it was a strange magnetic force, or God, or the universe that drew him to Tommy’s lips for a kiss.
The kiss was as soft and warm as he’d imagined it just seconds before it happened, but ended too soon when Tommy pulled away, eyes blown wide in shock and confusion.
“Evan…wh—“
Buck wasn’t sure how to respond, or how to explain what he’d just done. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t—I didn’t—“
“Evan—“
“I’m gonna—I’m gonna go.” Buck sprang up from the couch, rushing to the door.
“Wait—“
He ran out to his car and drove away, trying to get home as fast as he could.
Tommy called. And called. And called again.
“I can’t talk to him. I don’t even know what to say. O-or how to explain myself. I screwed things up.” Buck berated himself.
He was too ashamed to tell anyone what he’d done because it was impulsive. It was selfish. It was hard to explain.
He wished he could turn back time.
Buck carried this around for a day, then 2 days, then a week, until 13 days passed and it had completely consumed him to the point where he’d wake up nauseous every morning.
Tommy went from texting him a handful of times and calling 2 or 3 times, to texting once every other day, and eventually…not at all.
Buck was silent for the first 30 minutes after he’d gotten to Maddie’s. She could see he was pale and his eyes looked like they’d seen the horrors, so she didn’t want to pry but…
“Buck. What’s wrong?” She had to.
“I…I kissed Tommy.”
She blinked 3 times and shook her head in disbelief. “I’m sorry—what?”
“We were…kinda having a moment. I was venting to him about work and he made all these…I dunno, pent up feelings come out.”
“So—that—I guess…explains why you didn’t like Edgar without even meeting him—“
“Yeah. Okay? I tried to ignore it but it’s pretty clear that I’m—“ Buck realized it for himself as the words were about to slip out. “Shit. I’m in love with Tommy.”
“I had no idea you even—liked men.”
“I didn’t either. Sure, I’ll look at a hot guy’s ass but that’s normal.”
“It’s not ab…normal…” Maddie sighed. “So what now? Where do you and Tommy stand?”
“I-I ran out after he pulled away and I haven’t talked to him since. He’s been calling and texting—“
“And you’re ignoring him?! Why?” Maddie furrowed her brows. “He obviously wants to talk to you.”
“You didn’t see his face when he pulled away. He-he was so confused and he…” Buck sighed. “He looked upset.”
“Are you sure he was upset with you? Maybe he was just scared. Things with Edgar did end pretty badly. And then someone he really cares about, that he didn’t even know likes men just—kisses him out of nowhere! Think about how he’s feeling.”
Buck hadn’t thought about any of that. All he thought about was how badly he’d screwed up their friendship, and never considered how much he must’ve scared and surprised Tommy.
“Buck.” Maddie continued. “You need to talk to him.”
Buck nodded in agreement. “Yeah. I’ll talk to him tomorrow.”
That night, Buck was sitting at his kitchen island, drinking the last of the beers Tommy had brought over the night of their dinner, when there was a knock on the door.
Those three firm knocks.
His heart was thumping wildly, his stomach was twisted in knots, but he knew he couldn’t avoid this anymore. He opened the door and they stared at one another, unable to catch their breath.
“Hey, uh…can we talk?” Tommy finally spoke firs, breaking awkward silence.
“Yeah…c-come in…” Buck welcomed him inside.
Tommy slowly stepped into the kitchen, his eyes falling onto the half empty beer bottle. “So that’s…that’s it, huh? You don’t call, you don’t text. You kiss me and I never see you again?”
“Tommy, I don’t—“
“I miss you. Even just…as a friend. I miss you.”
Buck nodded, the sadness in his eyes matching Tommy’s. “I miss you too.”
“…Why did you kiss me, Evan?”
“The truth is…” Buck shamefully sighed “when…I found out you were seeing someone, I felt like I was losing you. I-I couldn’t figure out why I was so worked up about it but…I was—“
“Jealous?”
“Yeah.” Buck bashfully chuckled. “I was jealous.”
“You like having me all to yourself?” Tommy smiled.
Buck felt his heart racing in a different way. Not just joy, but a special kind of excitement. One that was coursing through his entire body. “Kinda…”
“Evan.” Tommy said seriously. “If you want me…you can have me. As a friend, or as more.”
“A-are you sure?”
“I only started dating recently because…I was trying to move on from you.” Tommy laughed to himself. “I thought it was stupid that I liked you so much, and I was sure you wouldn’t be attracted to me—“
“I’m attracted to you.” Buck jumped at the opportunity to admit. “Extremely attracted to you.”
The pair of them had suddenly found themselves in each other’s personal space and this time, Tommy seized the opportunity. He pulled Buck in for a kiss. One much longer, and far more purposeful than the first.
Buck moaned in pleasure and relief, like he was finally letting something go, finally confessing to the things he’d been hiding from Tommy for months.
They broke apart, just a little too soon for Buck, who chased after Tommy’s lips again, wrapping his arms around Tommy’s neck, kissing him possessively.
“Easy, easy.” Tommy gently whispered against his lips. “Nobody’s gonna take me away from you this time, sweetheart.”
Buck giggled as their lips connected once more. “I hope not.” Buck mumbled into the kiss.
Two months later…
Tommy and Buck followed their usual hiking trail, holding hands, kissing and taking photos along the way.
They stopped in the picnic area and just as Buck was halfway through unpacking their lunch, Tommy pulled him in for a very distracting kiss while he reached into his pocket for a box.
He opened the box and broke away from the kiss, smiling when the ring in the box caught Buck’s wide eyes.
“Tommy—“
“I know it’s a bit soon, but Evan.” Tommy sighed. “All the time we’ve spent together, all the adventures we’ve shared together…I-I wanna do this for the rest of my life. Please tell me you’ll make me the happiest man alive and marry me, Evan Buckley?”
Buck nodded without hesitation, leaning into Tommy for a loving, turned lustful kiss. “D’you think we could get away with a quckie here?”
“No!” Tommy laughed. “Can I put the ring on you now?”
Buck held out his hand, letting Tommy slide the gorgeous, round cut, two tone diamond ring on his finger.
“Beautiful ring.” Buck smiled, admiring the ring.
“Beautiful ring,” Tommy stole a kiss “for a beautiful man” he stole another “with a beautiful soul.”
“I love you Tommy.” Buck smiled as he rested on Tommy’s shoulder. “I’m glad I kissed you. Even though I ran away and I got scared—“
“It’s okay to be scared, Evan. I’m scared too, and I know there have been so many changes in your life—“
“But…sometimes change is good, right?”
Tommy nodded, pressing a kiss into Buck’s curls. “Yeah…sometimes it is.”
#i didn't know i wanted you (until i couldn't have you)#bucktommy#tommy kinard#evan buckley#firebeast.doc
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I have many thoughts so I'm gonna use the read more function
“It’s a medallion that wards off evil” Ari explained as he leaned against your desk with a lopsided smile. “It’s incredible, there’s so much detail” you muttered in amazement, admiring the small medallion. “I thought you could use it to ward off people who talk too loud or eat loud snacks” Ari smirked making you chuckle. “I love it thank you” You smiled, if you could you’d get up and cup his cheek and kiss him, you’d just have to settle with your imagination.
That's so sweet and thoughtful 🥰
“How about we go grab coffee?” He suggested a lopsided smile on his face. “What like a-“ you squeaked blinking in surprise. Ari grinned “Yes like a date” he finished for you.
Ahhh omg a date🤭🥳
“No you haven’t hit your head, this is really happening,” he said softly “is that really so hard to believe?” You quietly scoffed “Yes, I mean you’re you and I’m me” you admitted shaking your head. “I’ll let you in on a secret,” he said before leaning in to whisper “If you weren’t you, I wouldn’t be asking you out”
I would blush so hard 🤭🥰
You grabbed the hand sanitiser that was on your desk, squeezing a decent amount onto your hands. Lloyd hadn’t touched you but it made you feel cleaner. Just an encounter with Lloyd made you feel gross.
Relatable reaction lol
Sam had laughed and shook his head “Who knew a college professor could be so stupid” he said as he walked away leaving Ari dumbfounded.
Hahah not wrong 😅
“Coach Hansen, are you lost? The picture books are at the public library across town, I think they have sticker books too”
The way I cackled 😂
Ari shook his head in disbelief “Why didn’t you say? Why didn’t you tell him to back off?”
😒🙄
“Seriously? That’s the worst thing I could do with a man like him, you think he’ll take my no as an answer?” You scoffed “The safest thing I can do is be nice and polite and hope to god that nothing happens, that he gets bored and moves on” you exclaimed gesturing with a clenched fist towards the door “And if he doesn’t I just have to pray that I can find not only the ability to fight back but win… and I know it’s wrong but that’s just reality!”
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Silence fell in the room. Ari stood there and watched as you breathed heavily. He’d fucked up and he knew that, even if part of him was pretty impressed at how you put him in his place. “You’re right, I’m sorry” he apologised holding his hands up in surrender as he took a couple of steps closer “That was very male of me to say that” he added with the smallest of smirks.
I'm glad that he gets it at least now...
Ari smiled softly as he walked closer to you again “I’m sorry, I’m sorry this is the reality you have to live in” he said before his brows furrowed in concern “You’ve never felt like that with me have you?” You quickly shook your head, stepping closer to close the distance your hands resting on his biceps “No, god no” you told him “You’ve never made me uncomfortable” “Good, and if I ever do just put me back in my place like you just did” he smirked.
He is perfect ��🥰
The past couple of months had been the best of your life and it was all thanks to Ari. As the weather got colder you got excited to celebrate the holiday season with him. You’d already had a lot of fun with him at Halloween and Thanksgiving, he’d dressed up as Indiana Jones and you went as Marion. He looked incredible as Indy, you really had to try hard to keep your hands to yourself at the faculty party. You did have a lot of fun with the whip afterwards though.
🥰🥰🥰
“Y/N” he smirked as he pressed a kiss to your neck, pulling your hips back so you could feel that it wasn’t just you who was getting distracted. “Ari” you sighed as you melted back onto him “We can’t, not here” you muttered as he continued to kiss your neck, one hand moving up to your breast. “Sure we can” he murmured “It's late, no one else is here” You could feel your resolve weakening “We should at least go to my office then” you suggested. “No we don’t” he smirked as his other hand moved from your hip to your covered core, tugging you back towards him “This sort of thing is in the books you read and I know how much you love them”
The way my mouth dropped open 🤭
“Of course, they’re something you love” he explained with a casual shrug of his shoulders “I want to know as much as I can about you… get some ideas… make sure you’re satisfied” he smirked. “Ari,” you said softly, shaking your head in disbelief, you couldn’t believe how incredible he was. “So what do you say?” he smirked, “are you gonna let me worship you in your temple?”
100 times yes 🤤😌
His beard scratched against your thighs as he feasted. He knew your body so well now that not even the perfect world of fiction could compare. He made your legs so weak that if he wasn’t propping you up, you’d be on the floor.
I bet 🥵
“You’re doing so well keeping quiet” he murmured against your lips.
😮💨😮💨😮💨
He started slowly but soon worked up to a fiercer pace. You clung onto him tightly, rolling your hips to meet his. You bit your lower lip to hold back your loud moan but you couldn’t stop the small gasps that escaped. It would be impossible for anyone to be silent when with Ari.
I can 100% see that 🥵
The sudden urge to take care of him took precedence over how you were feeling “Let me” you said standing up and taking the kit from him. “Sweetheart-“ Ari protested. “Ari please” you pleaded. You needed this right now, you needed to look after him, you needed the distraction.
🥺🥺🥺
“I know it’s stupid I know but after I caught him in the library and saw how upset it made you I knew I had to say and do something,” he said shaking his head “Nobody gets away with making the people I love uncom-“ “Love?” You interrupted, your jaw dropping in shock. The corners of his lips twitch upwards “Yeah” he said softly “it may have taken me far too long to realise my feelings for you but once I did I fell hard. I love you Y/N” You let out a watery chuckle and smiled at him “I love you too” you said pressing a gentle kiss to his lips.
Ahh I loved this 🥰
If you ever feel up for it, I would love to read more of these two 🤗
Between the Lines - Professor!Ari Levinson x Librarian!Reader
A/N: Massive shout out to @precious1610 who essentially was my co-author for this oneshot, you came up with some brilliant lines and ideas for this and I can't thank you enough!
Word Count: 6.3k
Warnings: Fluff! Professor Ari (he needs a warning because damn)! Sexual Harassment and Assult (not by Ari!)! Language! SMUT! 18+ ONLY! Minors DNI!
Dividers by @firefly-graphics
Masterlist
Between the Lines
You always looked forward to the new academic year. After weeks of the campus being quiet with only researching staff around, the liveliness of the new and returning cohorts of students always brought the campus back to life.
Another reason you enjoyed the new academic year was that Professor Levinson would be back. He often spent most of his summer in various different countries volunteering at refugee camps, providing aid during humanitarian crises.
You’d look forward to the stories of his days off, the people he’d met and the landmarks he'd seen. He’d often bring back a little souvenir for you too, last time it was a pair of velvet slippers because ‘the library can get cold’ he said.
You missed him dearly over the summer break, which was somewhat ridiculous because he was just the professor that you had a helpless crush on. At least the gifts he brought you said he thought of you at least for just a moment while he was away.
Even if it was a hopeless crush that didn’t stop you from putting in a bit more effort on Thursdays. The day he’d always come in after lunchtime to return any books and take out more for the next week's lectures.
You were sat at your desk, scanning through the returned books when he finally walked in. You couldn’t help but smile when he walked over, he looked incredible in his blue sweater and brown suit. The look completed with a pair of glasses which were a recent addition over the last year. It was no surprise almost every girl on campus had a thing for him. His international politics class was one of the most popular.
“Hi, did you have a nice summer?” He asked as he reached your desk.
“Very good, how was yours?” You smiled up at him.
“Rewarding” he smiled before nodding down to your book “How many of those did you read?”
You could feel the heat rising to your cheeks “Lots” you admitted with a bashful smile “lots of free time during the summer break, while you were travelling the world I was travelling the universe”
Ari gave you a lopsided smile “Sounds incredible, speaking of travelling” he reached into his pocket “I got you a little something” he held out a tiny pouch.
“Professor Levinson you didn’t have to” your voice soft as you took the small pouch.
“I’ve told you many times to call me Ari” he reminded you “and I wanted to”
You smiled as you opened up the pouch and gently tipped out its contents, a small silver token falling out into your palm.
“It’s a medallion that wards off evil” Ari explained as he leaned against your desk with a lopsided smile.
“It’s incredible, there’s so much detail” you muttered in amazement, admiring the small medallion.
“I thought you could use it to ward off people who talk too loud or eat loud snacks” Ari smirked making you chuckle.
“I love it thank you” You smiled, if you could you’d get up and cup his cheek and kiss him, you’d just have to settle with your imagination.
“It’s nothing, anything for my favourite librarian” he winked “Need a hand putting any of these away?” he nodded over to the large collection of returned books.
“I think a few of these are top-shelf books,” you said pointing to the trolley to which you had been adding books too.
“On it” Ari smiled, moving to grab the trolley.
“Thank you Ari” you said as you got up to follow him.
“Do you not trust me to put them back in the right places?” he smirked over his shoulder at you as you both walked through the bookcases.
“no…I trust you” you said slowly.
Ari snorted “That means no” he chuckled “After all the times I’ve helped you do this, you’d think you’d trust me by now”
“I do trust you” you laughed “I just…” you trailed off trying to find a reason you could actually say out loud. In truth, you just wanted to make the most of any time together.
“You’re just protective of your library, I get it” Ari smiled reassuringly as he lifted a heavy book onto the top shelf.
“Yes… protective” you muttered unable to take your eyes off his biceps, even underneath the suit you could see how impressive they were.
Ari smiled back at you breaking you from your trance. You cleared your throat before grabbing a book from the trolley and turning to put it away, subtly fanning yourself as you did so.
For the next half an hour Ari helped you put the books back on the shelves, he even reorganised an entire shelf when you complained that it was all out of order. You were just walking back to the desk when Ari paused and turned to face you.
“What are you doing Saturday afternoon?” He asked.
“Oh um, nothing I think” you stuttered trying to recall if you had any plans, which was pretty pointless because you rarely did.
“How about we go grab coffee?” He suggested a lopsided smile on his face.
“What like a-“ you squeaked blinking in surprise.
Ari grinned “Yes like a date” he finished for you.
You couldn’t stop stuttering, your mind short-circuiting as you tried to comprehend what was happening.
“Did a book fall on my head” you muttered to yourself, only realising you’d done so when Ari barked out a loud laugh “Shhh” you chastised on instinct.
Ari covered his mouth with his hand, delight clear in his eyes as he continued to laugh but quietly this time. You covered your face with your hands feeling utterly embarrassed at your outburst.
“Oh god,” you groaned quietly.
Ari chuckled as he wrapped his hands around your wrists and pulled your hands from your face, his smile widening when he saw you were pouting. He shifted his hold on your wrists so he was holding your hands, his thumbs stroking your palms.
“No you haven’t hit your head, this is really happening,” he said softly “is that really so hard to believe?”
You quietly scoffed “Yes, I mean you’re you and I’m me” you admitted shaking your head.
“I’ll let you in on a secret,” he said before leaning in to whisper “If you weren’t you, I wouldn’t be asking you out”
“Ari” you whispered in disbelief.
“And if you’ll join me for coffee I’ll tell you all the other reasons I’ve wanted to ask you out” he grinned.
You smiled bashfully, looking down at the floor “If I say yes, will you tell me one of the reasons now?” You asked looking back up at him.
Ari smirked “That pencil skirt and those knee-high boots to start” he said nodding down to your boots “So is that a yes?”
“It’s a yes” you grinned.
“Great” he smiled leaning in to kiss your cheek “I have to go teach now but I’ll see you Saturday”
“See you Saturday” you smiled watching him go.
You were frozen to the spot for a few moments still not entirely convinced that he’d actually asked you out and your crush wasn’t so hopeless. You eventually managed to get back to your desk, a smile on your face as you got back to work.
It was about an hour later when a shadow covered you. You were excited thinking that Ari had come back to talk to you again after his lecture but your smile faltered when you saw who it was.
“Hey sunshine,” Coach Hansen said as he leaned against the desk, lollipop in his mouth “How was your summer?”
“Nice,” you said forcing a smile “How about you Coach Hansen?” You asked to be polite.
“Call my Lloyd” he grinned “great, looking forward to the season, you’ll come and watch the games right? You can be my good luck charm” he winked.
You tried your hardest not to shudder in disgust “Oh um I’m not sure I’ll have to check my diary, I think I’m usually busy on game days” you lied.
“I’m sure I could convince you to find the time” he grinned leaning in closer.
You laughed awkwardly as you pushed your chair back and stood up to try and put some distance between the two of you “Guess we’ll see” you chuckled “Um do excuse me but I have some repairs to do in the office, you’d think college students would know how to treat books” you said stepping away “see you around” you added as you slipped into your office, shut and locked the door behind you.
You leaned against the door and let out the shudder that you had been holding in. Coach Hansen was the most disgusting man you’d ever met, Assistant Coach Pete Brennan coming in a close second. You’d heard rumours that Hansen had slept with multiple cheerleaders throughout the years. Why some of the most popular girls would sleep with him was beyond you.
You grabbed the hand sanitiser that was on your desk, squeezing a decent amount onto your hands. Lloyd hadn’t touched you but it made you feel cleaner. Just an encounter with Lloyd made you feel gross.
You sat down at your desk with a heavy sigh, it had been a rollercoaster of a day. But on the plus side, you had a date with Ari. The thought of that alone was enough to bring a smile back to your face. You had to think about what to wear, something that went well with your boots you thought.
It had been a couple of weeks since his date with you and Ari felt incredible. He hadn’t realised his feelings for you until the summer. He’d been walking through the market with one of his volunteer friends, Sam, he’d just found the small medallion when Sam snorted and shook his head.
“For your librarian friend?” Sam had chuckled.
“She would love it” Ari explained as he paid for it.
“Have you asked her out yet?” Sam asked as they walked to the next stall.
Ari frowned “No, she’s a friend” he’d said even if it felt wrong to call you just a friend.
Sam had laughed and shook his head “Who knew a college professor could be so stupid” he said as he walked away leaving Ari dumbfounded.
For the rest of the day, Ari had replayed that conversation before he finally came to the realisation that he had feelings for you. That he’d had feelings for you for a while now. If he wasn’t halfway across the world he would have gone straight to you and asked you out.
He was so glad you’d said yes, he’d found it so adorable how flustered you got. You were a little flustered on the date but Ari made sure to put you at ease and soon enough the side he absolutely loved about you. The sweet and a little cheeky side.
His favourite part was when you both left the coffee shop. It had been unseasonably cold for a September afternoon and he could see you shivering. So he took off the blue jacket he wore and draped it over your shoulders. You smiled up at him, the jacket almost swallowing you up as you wrapped it around yourself more. It was the cutest sight ever.
He now found any opportunity to visit you in the library. When he walked in you weren’t at the front desk, he checked your office but you weren’t in there either. He noticed that the book return trolley was missing meaning you were out putting books back on shelves.
He started walking through the library trying to find you. He eventually found you in a far corner, his blood boiling at the sight. You had your back pressed against the bookcase as the sleazeball Coach Hansen crowded against you. Ari couldn’t instantly see how uncomfortable you were even though you were forcing a smile.
He cleared his throat loudly to interrupt. Lloyd looked over and rose to his full height allowing you to sidestep away from him.
“Professor Levinson” Lloyd greeted him with a lopsided smirk.
“Coach Hansen, are you lost? The picture books are at the public library across town, I think they have sticker books too” Ari said as he walked over, fists clenched down by his sides, he then turned his attention to you “Are the books I requested ready to collect, I need them for my lecture in half an hour” he didn’t have any more lectures today, he knew you’d know that and hopefully took the out he was giving you.
You blinked a couple of times “Oh, not quite I’ll um go get the last of them now” you muttered before shuffling past him and back towards the front desk.
“I think you have somewhere else to be don’t you Coach Hansen?” He asked turning his attention back to the sleaze ball.
Lloyd ran his tongue over his teeth as he studied Ari “Somewhere more interesting that’s for sure” he said before turning and leaving.
Ari followed behind him just to make sure that Lloyd actually left the library. You weren’t at the front desk but he spotted you peaking through the blinds in your office.
Once he was satisfied that Lloyd had gone he walked over to the office door and gently rapped his knuckles against the wood. He pushed the door open slowly when he heard you answer. He found you perched on the edge of your desk rubbing your hands, the faint smell of hand sanitiser lingering in the air.
He closed the distance between you, his hand moving to brush hair out of your face and cup your cheek but he stopped himself short. You might not want anyone to touch you right now.
“Hey, are you okay?” He asked softly.
You took in a deep breath before nodding as you breathed back out “Fine, just feel a little grossed out, nothing out of the ordinary” you admitted.
Ari’s brows furrowed “This has happened before?”
You gave him a weak shrug of your shoulders “Kinda, usually, I’m at the front desk so I have that barrier” you said gesturing in front of you “Today was the first time he’s found me between the cases”
Ari shook his head in disbelief “Why didn’t you say? Why didn’t you tell him to back off?”
You scoffed and stepped away from him, crossing your arms as you moved to the far corner of the office. When you turned back to face him you hit him with a hard look.
“Seriously? That’s the worst thing I could do with a man like him, you think he’ll take my no as an answer?” You scoffed “The safest thing I can do is be nice and polite and hope to god that nothing happens, that he gets bored and moves on” you exclaimed gesturing with a clenched fist towards the door ���And if he doesn’t I just have to pray that I can find not only the ability to fight back but win… and I know it’s wrong but that’s just reality!”
Silence fell in the room. Ari stood there and watched as you breathed heavily. He’d fucked up and he knew that, even if part of him was pretty impressed at how you put him in his place.
“You’re right, I’m sorry” he apologised holding his hands up in surrender as he took a couple of steps closer “That was very male of me to say that” he added with the smallest of smirks.
You pursed your lips before letting out a small chuckle “Yes it was”
Ari smiled softly as he walked closer to you again “I’m sorry, I’m sorry this is the reality you have to live in” he said before his brows furrowed in concern “You’ve never felt like that with me have you?”
You quickly shook your head, stepping closer to close the distance your hands resting on his biceps “No, god no” you told him “You’ve never made me uncomfortable”
“Good, and if I ever do just put me back in my place like you just did” he smirked.
You bit your lower lip “I’m sorry” you said with a slight wince.
“No don’t apologise, it was actually kinda sexy” Ari whispered as he leant in
Your smile turned bashful as you looked up at him. He smiled back down at you as he moved to cup your cheeks with both hands, his thumb gently stroking the apples of your cheeks. Your head tilted into his touch, your eyes shining as you looked up at him.
“How do you feel now?” he asked softly.
“Much better thank you”
“Good, and I promise nothing like that is gonna happen again, I’ll make sure of it” he swore “I’ll be here when you finish tonight to walk you to your car and text me if he comes back before then”
“Okay I will, thank you Ari,” you said with a grateful sigh.
“It's nothing, sweetheart” he smiled before leaning down to capture your lips in his.
He started gently just to make sure you were okay with it but as soon he felt you melt into his touch he let go of his restraint and deepened the kiss. From the moment he finally got to kiss you on your first coffee date he knew he was a goner. With every kiss since, every time he got to hold you, be close with you he fell harder and deeper for you.
If he could, he’d stay here with you forever but he had something he needed to do “I have office hours soon so I need to head off” he said softly as he rested his forehead against yours.
“That’s okay, I’ll see you later” you smiled, running your hands over his biceps.
“See you later” he smiled, pecking your lips once more before making his way out of your office.
When he stepped out of the library instead of turning towards his building, he turned in the opposite direction. Towards the football field and training facilities. He found Lloyd in his office talking to his assistant coach, Pete Brenner, lollipop in his mouth as he chuckled.
“Professor Levinson” Lloyd smirked when Ari walked in “Are you a little lost?” he asked with a condescending tone, throwing Ari’s words back at him.
Ari instantly saw red. He surged forward, pinning Lloyd to the nearest wall, fist gripping the mustard polo collar Hansen wore.
“What the shit!” Pete exclaimed, shooting up from his seat, while Lloyd just laughed.
“Sit” Ari hissed over his shoulder at Pete who instantly did what he said like an obedient dog.
“It’s cool Brenner” Lloyd smirked “Let him have his moment”
Ari growled in response, shoving him back against the wall again “Don’t push me”
Lloyds just laughed “Oh c’mon pumpkin,” he said shaking his head “What are you gonna do? Strangle me with boredom? Talk me to death? You academic lot are so funny” he tilted his head with a condescending look.
“You go near her again and you’ll find out exactly what I can do to you” Ari warned.
“Aw, you got a little crush on my little librarian?” Lloyd grinned.
Ari shifted his grip, his fingers wrapping around Lloyd's throat. Lloyd only looked more excited, a wolfish grin growing.
“She’s not your property and never will be” Ari said, squeezing his grip slightly for good measure.
Lloyd didn’t say anything for a moment, his eyes studying Ari “Warning taken” he finally said.
Ari wasn’t entirely convinced but took a couple of steps back, letting go of Lloyd. Lloyd shrugged and straightened out his polo before regarding Ari with a look.
“What are you still doing here?” he asked “trying to cause more of a scene? I don’t think Y/N would like that”
Ari clenched his fists and resisted the urge to punch Lloyd right there and then but the sick bastard was right. If you knew Ari had caused this scene you would hate it. You probably wouldn’t want to see him anymore and he’d lose the best thing he’s ever had.
“Stay away from her” he reiterated harshly, pointing over to Lloyd who held his hands up in surrender a smirk playing on his lips.
Ari turned, shooting a glare at Pete who shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He stormed out of the office, the door slamming so hard that it rattled behind him.
The past couple of months had been the best of your life and it was all thanks to Ari. As the weather got colder you got excited to celebrate the holiday season with him. You’d already had a lot of fun with him at Halloween and Thanksgiving, he’d dressed up as Indiana Jones and you went as Marion. He looked incredible as Indy, you really had to try hard to keep your hands to yourself at the faculty party. You did have a lot of fun with the whip afterwards though.
Much to your relief too, Lloyd had kept away from the library and you. That short interaction between him and Ari in the library had clearly sent enough of a message that you were taken.
Ari had been the sweetest too, he’d meet you whenever you finished work to walk you to your car or pick you up to take you back to his place. He visited the library more and helped out whenever he could. You joked that you should get him an assistant librarian badge.
It was Friday evening and you were working late. A large delivery had arrived ready for the new semester in January and you wanted to get them all sorted before the Christmas break. Ari had agreed to help out, bringing snacks and keeping you company.
It was taking a little longer than you expected because you kept getting distracted by Ari. he was wearing a deep green button-up sweater which hugged his arms deliciously, especially when pushed the sleeves up to his elbows.
He’d definitely caught you checking him out if the smirk on his lips was anything to go by. But when he’d lift heavy books up onto the top shelves you couldn’t help but stare, you were only human after all.
You shook your head to try and clear it so you could focus on the job at hand. You turned away from him and crouched down to put away some books on the lower shelves. When you stood back up you were surprised to find Ari stood behind you, his hands resting on your hips.
“Ari” you muttered as you looked over your shoulder at him.
“Y/N” he smirked as he pressed a kiss to your neck, pulling your hips back so you could feel that it wasn’t just you who was getting distracted.
“Ari” you sighed as you melted back onto him “We can’t, not here” you muttered as he continued to kiss your neck, one hand moving up to your breast.
“Sure we can” he murmured “It's late, no one else is here”
You could feel your resolve weakening “We should at least go to my office then” you suggested.
“No we don’t” he smirked as his other hand moved from your hip to your covered core, tugging you back towards him “This sort of thing is in the books you read and I know how much you love them”
You blinked a couple of times in surprise as you turned around to face him “How did you know that?”
Ari gives you a lopsided grin “I’ve read them” he answered.
“You read them” you repeated in disbelief.
“Of course, they’re something you love” he explained with a casual shrug of his shoulders “I want to know as much as I can about you… get some ideas… make sure you’re satisfied” he smirked.
“Ari,” you said softly, shaking your head in disbelief, you couldn’t believe how incredible he was.
“So what do you say?” he smirked, “are you gonna let me worship you in your temple?”
You nibbled your lower lip and nodded, you could never say no to him.
“Good, now make sure you stay quiet” he smirked as he sunk down to his knees “We are in a library after all”
You let out a shuddered breath of anticipation when his hands slipped under your skirt to pull down your underwear. Once he tucked them into his back pocket his hand wrapped around the back of your knee and lifted it. He pressed a kiss to the exposed skin just above your knee-high boots. He hooked your leg over his shoulder as he pressed kisses up your thighs, his head disappearing underneath your skirt.
You cupped a hand over your mouth to silence yourself when his lips finally found your core, his quiet moan vibrating against you when he discovered how wet you were for him already. Your other hand found the back of his head, your fingers weaving through his long, soft locks.
His beard scratched against your thighs as he feasted. He knew your body so well now that not even the perfect world of fiction could compare. He made your legs so weak that if he wasn’t propping you up, you’d be on the floor.
The feeling of him between your legs was like heaven, especially when he’d tease your clit. You wanted to stay in this moment forever, you also wanted him inside you, and you wanted to reach your peak.
“Ari” you whimpered, your fingers gripping his hair tightly.
You felt him smirk against you before diving back in. Except this time his lips wrapped around your clit and he slipped two thick fingers inside you. You had to bite your fist to stop yourself from screaming, especially when his fingers curled against that golden spot and fireworks exploded as you hit your peak.
Ari worked you through the waves of your orgasm, prolonging to the point that the entire world melted away. You hadn’t even noticed him rising to his full height until he cupped your cheeks and kissed you deeply, the taste of you on his lips.
“You’re doing so well keeping quiet” he murmured against your lips.
The kiss brought you back to life, energy surging through like electricity. Your hands quickly found his belt buckle and pushed down his deep green trousers enough to free him. You wrapped your fingers around him and pumped him a couple of times. Just the weight and feel of him in your hands made your core ache for him.
It was like Ari had read your mind because he hooked his hands under your thighs at the same time that you wrapped your arms around his shoulders to climb him like a tree. You buried your face into the crook of his neck to muffle your moan when he entered you.
Neither of you moved once he was fully seated inside you. You only breathed deeply as you took in the feeling of him filling you up completely. It was a feeling you never wanted to get used to and one you hoped you’d always have.
Soon enough you felt the overwhelming urge for movement, you turned your head to press kisses to his neck just below the ear “Move” you whispered pleadingly.
Ari chuckled softly “Anything for you” he said before thrusting up into you.
He started slowly but soon worked up to a fiercer pace. You clung onto him tightly, rolling your hips to meet his. You bit your lower lip to hold back your loud moan but you couldn’t stop the small gasps that escaped. It would be impossible for anyone to be silent when with Ari.
Your head tilted back against the bookcase, which Ari took advantage of as he pressed wet kisses to your neck and collarbone. You felt and heard books tumble to the floor but you didn’t care, you couldn’t care about anything except how great you felt.
You could feel your orgasm building and before you could even say anything it crashed over you and you couldn’t even think let alone speak. It felt like you ascended to a whole new plane of existence, Ari joining you shortly after as he hit his own peak.
Ari held you close as you came down from your mind-blowing high. His large hand cradled the back of your head as you nuzzled your head back into the crook of his neck.
“Can you stand?” Ari asked softly after a few moments.
You nodded “I think so” you muttered, still catching your breath.
Ari gave you a lopsided smile before pressing a soft kiss to your lips. He held onto you as he pulled out of you, a whimper falling from your lips at the emptiness. You leant back against the bookcase, feeling his spend slowly spreading down your thighs.
You watched as Ari picked up the fallen books with his clean hand and returned them to the nearby trolley to be reorganised later. When he returned to you he slipped his other hand back under your skirt. He smirked down at you as he collected the combined juices of your and his release, spreading it back up to your core.
“Let’s get you back to your office to get cleaned up” he murmured as he kissed you.
A couple of hours later you and Ari called it a night. There were still lots of books to sort through but you were both tired and just wanted to head back to his place to relax.
You were walking into the parking lot when Ari paused and cursed under his breath “I forgot to grab something from my office” he muttered glancing over his shoulder in the direction of his building.
“That’s fine,” you said wrapping your jacket around your tighter, it was a pretty cold December night, as you turned to go with him.
“It’s fine, you go get in the car,” he said passing you the keys “Get the heater going and lock the doors, I won’t be long” he promised.
“Okay see you in a second” you said as you started to make your way towards the car. Ari jogged off in the opposite direction towards his office.
Ari had parked under a street lamp but it was barely working. Flicking on and off periodically. You weren’t worried about it though, Ari had already seen to the campus sleaze.
You reached the car with no problem but as you reached for the handle you heard someone and your blood ran cold.
“Hey sugarplum what you doing out so late?” Lloyd said.
You quickly turned around to find him stood much closer than you thought. It was like he materialised out of the shadows and just the mere thought of him had summoned him like a demon.
“Large delivery, but heading home now,” you said gesturing to the car behind you.
“So soon? I’ve not seen you around in a while, maybe we should catch up” he smiled as he closed the distance between you, backing you against the car.
“Oh um well it’s late, uh maybe another time? I’m pretty tired” you stuttered as you leaned back to create some distance.
An evil smirk grew on his face “Tired or bored? I bet you’re bored to tears hanging out with that dull professor” he said “but don’t you worry, I can show you a good time”
His hands gripped your hips and you stopped breathing. Ari had kept hold of your underwear after cleaning you up, it was something that excited you at the time but now you regretted it. You didn’t want to think what Lloyd would do if he discovered you weren’t wearing underwear.
“Oh no thanks, I’m very happy as I am,” you said, your voice wobbling.
Lloyd smirked as he leant in to whisper in your ear “I don’t think that’s true”
Your entire body froze, eyes screwed shut when he pressed a disgustingly wet kiss below your ear. You whimpered but he just took that as a sign to carry on. He gripped you tighter, forcing his growing bulge against your stomach and kept kissing your neck.
“You like that now don’t-“ he started but he didn’t finish as suddenly he was gone.
You opened your eyes to discover Lloyd on the floor, Ari stood between the two of you “I told you to stay away” Ari growled, his fists clenched down by his sides.
Lloyd just laughed as he pushed himself to his feet “Please, she doesn’t want you, she wants me even if she doesn’t know it yet, I can read between the lines” he said before glancing around Ari to look at you “isn’t that right sugarplum?”
Ari snapped and surged forward, his fist connecting with Lloyd’s jaw. Lloyd stumbled back, the smirk disappearing and replaced by fury as Lloyd swung back and punched Ari.
You gasped in shock, hands covering your mouth as the two men brawled in front of you. It was a blur of punches and for a moment you couldn’t work out who was winning. This was a side of Ari you had never seen before. To your relief Ari got the upper hand, landing a hard punch to the side of Lloyd’s head causing him to stumble. Ari took advantage of his disorientation and grabbed his shoulders and threw him to the floor, pinning him down and shoving Lloyd’s face into the asphalt.
At that exact moment campus security finally appeared and rushed over “What’s going on here?” One of them demanded.
“Coach Hansen was sexually assaulting Miss Y/L/N“ Ari said keeping Lloyd pinned down even though he wasn’t fighting anymore.
“Is that correct miss?” The security guard said, you tore your eyes away from Ari and Lloyd and looked over to the guards, barely being able to bring yourself to nod in response “Okay, we’ll take it from here” he said.
Ari finally climbed off of Lloyd to let the security cuff him and pull him to his feet. You gasped quietly when you saw just how beaten and bloodied he was, how much Ari had beaten the crap out of him.
“Would you like us to report this to the police on your behalf?” The other guard asked you.
“I uh yes please” you muttered weakly.
“We’ll be in my office when they arrive” Ari told them before finally turning to face you.
Your heart stopped for a moment when you saw his split lip and brow. He didn’t look as bad as Lloyd but it was still difficult to see.
“Let’s go sweetheart” he said softly as he wrapped his arm around you to guide you away from Lloyd and to his office.
The entire walk to your office all you could hear was buzzing in your ears, your entire body felt numb. You hadn’t even realised you were in his office until he sat you down in his brown leather office chair. You blinked a couple of times and looked over at him as grabbed a first aid box from the far corner.
The sudden urge to take care of him took precedence over how you were feeling “Let me” you said standing up and taking the kit from him.
“Sweetheart-“ Ari protested.
“Ari please” you pleaded.
You needed this right now, you needed to look after him, you needed the distraction.
“Okay” he relented softly, he moved to perch on the edge of his desk.
You grabbed what you needed before standing in between his legs to clean up his cuts. He didn’t even wince as you did so, he just looked defeated as he watched you work.
“Are you okay?” He asked quietly drawing your eyes to his.
You took a deep breath “I don’t know” you admitted.
Ari sighed “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have- I just saw him crowding you and I-I snapped” he apologised.
“No, don’t apologise I’m glad you did that, if you hadn’t been there I…” you trailed off, you didn’t need to think too hard about what would have happened.
“It’s my fault I shouldn’t have left you alone, I should have known that he wouldn’t have left you alone after I-“ he said before silencing himself.
“After you what?” You asked, brows furrowing.
“Threatened him and told him to stay away” he sighed dropping his head.
“Ari” you muttered in disbelief.
“I know it’s stupid I know but after I caught him in the library and saw how upset it made you I knew I had to say and do something,” he said shaking his head “Nobody gets away with making the people I love uncom-“
“Love?” You interrupted, your jaw dropping in shock.
The corners of his lips twitch upwards “Yeah” he said softly “it may have taken me far too long to realise my feelings for you but once I did I fell hard. I love you Y/N”
You let out a watery chuckle and smiled at him “I love you too” you said pressing a gentle kiss to his lips.
Ari smiled into the kiss as he cupped the back of your head to keep you there “How do you feel now?” He asked after a moment.
“Better” you smiled softly “I know I probably haven’t processed what happened yet and I don’t know how I’ll feel when I do” you sighed “but I know I have you so that doesn’t scare me”
“Good, and I’ll be right there beside you I won’t let anything like this happen again” Ari promised as he cupped your cheeks.
“Thank you Ari” you smiled.
“Anything for you sweetheart” he smiled before kissing you deeply once more.
The feeling of his protection enveloped you. You knew that difficult days were ahead of you but with Ari by your side, you knew you could not only face it, but survive it.
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posting this because i feel like i’m the only one who isn’t a fan of it
#i can’t even really explain why. it just feels wrong#maybe we should call it quits this game shits 4ever#falsettos
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I’m going to. rip my fucking hair out.
#Why why why can’t I enjoy anything ever like it’s so draining I can’t even explain it#Everything makes me anxious and I really REALLY don’t think thats normal nor do I think it’s just general anxiety#I want. answers genuinely but no I can’t see help because of my mom. I probably won’t be able to find out what my fucking problem is until#I’m like. 18 or older#Well into my 20s even#Fuck. it’s like. would I even be able to afford a therapist.#especially if I got disowned/kicked out#I keep trying to convince my mom to get me help/try to get me a diagnosis#and she just doesn’t want to fucking. help me. it’s not even a money thing it’s the fact she DOESNT GIVE A FUCK about her child’s mental#problems and health. Besides if I got diagnosed with like. adhd like everyone says I have (I think it could be that or something deeper) it#would literally end in her getting MORE FUCKING MONEY like our homeschool funds thing would give us more money for like#disability or whatever. if it were adhd. I forget.#I’m trying to use that to convince her and she just doesn’t listen#but honestly it’s like. what’s the point. I know I would feel better if I had a diagnosis because I would know the actual cause of my issue#and would easily find ways to combat it and help myself instead of listening to everyone say I have adhd without a diagnosis and go by that#Because everything I do to try and help with adhd doesn’t fucking work with my deeper mental issues.#And to be really honest I think it’s a personality disorder and I’ve done my own research and I show majority of BPD symptoms#And it’s commonly mistook for adhd. But I would NEVER express that to my mom because she would twist it into me being abusive and awful#again like. fuck even if I can’t get medicated I know I would feel so. so much better about myself knowing WHY I’m like this#Instead of living my life questioning what the fuck is wrong with me#I’m so sick of being different#if you read this. why would u put urself through that.
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so . how we feeling after zam and subz’ streams .
#van speaks#i rambled on my instagram but i’ll also put my thoughts here#i assumed zam would leave eclipse but the way he did holyyyyy fuck#him and vi are enemies now. sheds tear. subz/am still winning though a little with the shield and trust apple#btw i’m soooo curious why subz just had that shield like . it’s the same as the eclipse shield but instead of black it’s white#ourples are gonna go on a full villain arc so that’s really fun but i’m also scared bc zam is my Guy yknow and vi’s attention is now on him#also don’t get me wrong u guys know i adore 3ht but for some reason zam teaming with them feels weird to me. bad weird and i don’t know why#maybe it’s just because he broke up with eclipse the way he did but it just feels weird to me and i can’t explain it#i don’t think 3ht has any bad intentions or anything of the sort— if anything they’re some of the most moral ppl on the server considering#they don’t obtain and use illegal items— but in my chest it just feels bad. idk it’s all weird#i really wish zam didn’t leave eclipse like that. even with vi lying and stuff he did genuinely care for zam and idk mannn i just feel T_T
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This is probably not that common but I honestly rarely like characters who are like me personality wise.
#Personal#I don’t know I suppose I just don’t like how they’re portrayed in media#Because if a character is introverted it automatically makes them aloof and cold#or even worse when they have some sort of trauma that makes them self-blaming and hopelessly insecure#Like where are introverted characters who enjoy solitude!#Where are introverted characters who love people who know how to joke smile and laugh and oh my goodness have friends!#Just where#Why can’t they enjoy their introverted self and instead constantly think there’s something wrong with them#I don’t know I really enjoy outgoing and extraverted characters more#and if they remain outgoing and kind even if they also have some sort of trauma#this is just peak character type to me#I don’t know I have a special connection with characters if their STORIES resonate with me not their personality#I love Elena (EoA) I love Anna (Frozen) I love Rebecca (Crazy Ex Girlfriend) and yet I’m nothing like them personality wise#But their stories especially Rebecca’s speak so much to me#And really why should I even love characters only because they’re like me I love a freaking Darth Vader and he’s a villain#(yeah this is me saying that I am not a villain XD)#Anyway in conclusion I’ll just say that I actually don’t really have a type and just love fictional characters because of the vibes XD#If I’m vibing with them and they make me feel something (well except for irritation I suppose) I do like them#Because as I was saying if I like something in most cases I really cannot explain why XD it just happens#(unless I start analyzing why I do like them…)#I’m suspiciously talkative recently…#Just voicing everything I have on my mind
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.
#anyway the most exciting conversation I had today was explaining how I managed to fuck up the dog’s haircut#(he’s squirmy that’s it that’s the reason)#moving on though the main issue is I still need like. the crutch of being online almost#and I guess even though it feels awkward and lowkey uncool I’m glad there are apps for people just looking to find friends#downside is I can forget they’re there bc the notifs don’t work great#or I panic because I’m too hyper aware of myself with new people. why can’t this be easy what’s wrong with me#I get embarrassed by how much longer my replies are than the other person’s#I can’t help it I guess#if it’s short I feel like it’s coming off inauthentic so I overcorrect#but then conversation kinda fizzles anyway. which is okay! not everyone will be a winner and that’s fine#I know this and it makes me feel slightly better#still I just feel like. dumb I guess. in all these interactions.#that’s the word. because I’m perfectly comfortable with myself until I feel like i start to notice That Change in someoneone#anyone else who gets told they give off Uncanny Valley energy knows what this is.#like I can tell I did something wrong but on paper I did everything right#and I just kinda fold every time. bc there’s usually no salvaging a conversation past that point.#it’s Not that it’s easier to be alone bc I’m not having a good time clearly but something drives me to keep going despite it all#idk it’s stupid I wish I could just cut this feeling out and detach completely#I know it wouldn’t bother me to be pushed slowly away at least.#I’d really be the person who solved the lament configuration just to Hang Out lmao#I wish I didn’t make posts like these here btw.#that also makes me feel dumb but it’s like if I don’t at least put this down somewhere it’d be worse#I think tomorrow I’ll clean a bit. it’ll be something to do that has a visible result.#not like anything else that’s going on lol
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has that other anon ever met an upper class brit because i guarantee they wouldn't feel the same after encountering All That
literally 😭 like comparing classism is so dumb when it’s very much a subjective, varied conversation WITHIN a country let alone amongst different countries but that sentiment can and should coexist with the acknowledgement that british classism Does Not Fuck About
#like u cant lob both country's classim under an umbrella term when comparing them#bc our culture and history with it is so wildly different#like american classism IS there and IS a serious problem the irony here is that literally at no point did anyone say otherwise#so idk why anon got so up in arms lol#but the thing about british classism and the reason it gets talked about so much is because it is such a huge part of our lives#and americans never seem to really get that like even americans that acknowledge it i feel still struggle to grasp the severity of it#I’ve seen a lot of much smarter well-researched people say that class and race in the uk and usa are flipped#so while it’s important to note that BOTH countries have serious issues in both departments the way they manifest is different#so the way race is treated with such severity/extremity in america and racism so normalised and systemic#is exactly how class is here#and the way classism is typically more indirect and underlying in america#is how racism is here#does that make sense? there’s a lot of articles online that explain it better#like im explaining it v briefly and it's obviously not that black and white but that's the general gist of it#and if ur american thinking ‘classism doesn’t FEEL indirect for me so you're WRONG’#then consider im not wrong. that's just how severe it is here for me to be saying it#like idk I can’t stand this narrative anyway of taking away from the original problem to instead have a pissing contest about it#so this will probs be the last I speak about it#but it’s super interesting and it can’t hurt to know more about especially with the prevalence of americacentrism#which is why I responded so harshly to anon to begin with bc like really?#you saw ONE POST that wasn’t about america or american problems and got upset. be serious rn#ask
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I think I may be a little odd
#I’ve been thinking about like everything/neg/pos/breakdown inducing#and I think I’m mentally I’ll#like yeah no shit but also it’s very clear#I literally got out of breath the other day talking about wolves and Yellowstone bc I was talking so fast about them#also have very wild mood swings paired with abandonment issues constant shame for ppl caring about me and trauam over friendships bc#so many have gone wrong and I’ve been forever changed or abandoned (both in one case)#I mean I met this girl at a school meet and she just reminded me of a person who hurt me. they had the same same mannerisms looked similar#besides the hair and I had a full panic attack. I feel bad about that she probably was really nice#or how I feel sick just thinking about the local park bc it’s where I was forced to hang out with a ex friend that wrecked me#such a mixing bowl of bad traits#I can focus I can’t remember I’m either too lazy or too hyper to stay still I can’t regulate tone well and scare myself constantly just by#talking. relationships always end in a burning bridge even when they were so good bc I get so paranoid and scared they’ll leave that I leave#myself. jumping to crazy conclusions to the point I start hallucinating due to stress#I mean how do I even explain to my therapist that my only good friends ended with me skipping school the last days bc I thought one died.#she actually just left school early.#that one I kinda get even tho it’s fucking nuts bc tjat year has mentally burned me so goddamn much but still#and even tho I’ve kinda had a constant itch that something completely explains why I’m this way but am too scared to bring it up bc of#change and trauma related to bringing up my own mental health#I don’t even know what thsi is anymore sorry#should just shut up and sleep#I’ll be fine by morning anyways so what does it even fucking matter#ruse rambles#vent tag
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I am SO tired of mediocre horror games aimed at kids being made and people defending these things to the edges of the earth on why jumps scare simulator with mr tickle toes where the whole story is that aliens made an evil toy to control the minds of kids is actually a very adult game and why they are justified in buying it and ignore that they are helping fund the shitty creator behind it because the dev team sees very little of that money once the game is released, also ignore the offical Roblox channel aimed at literal toddlers using the characters from said horror game and ignore how all the merch is aimed at kids shhh shh
#look your allowed to like these games! your allowed to enjoy them#I am just tired of people defending these things like their life depends on it#it’s funny cause people are all like ‘I’m a hater I love hating’ but as soon as someone validly hates something they#like they feel the need to explain why actually they are wrong and your reasons for hating it is wrong#also… you guys can’t even boycott a mediocre game#please please I’m begging y’all to learn how to pirate#enjoying shitty things 👍👍#getting upset when people don’t like the shitty thing 👎👎👎#like some of my intrests are really fucking bad#I enjoyed that ducking shark boy and lava girl movie that came out a few years back lol#but I can absolutely admit it was terrible#liking bad stuff is okay! embrace having shit taste!#I think some people feel insecure about being perceived as liking something that people don’t like or something
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~ ~ ~
#every time I call someone my best friend they turn into a fucking problem that just hurts me and makes me sick#is it me? am I doing something wrong? am I not supposed to have close friends?#or am I just such a fuckup that by being myself it’s inevitable that I’ll ruin my friendships?#kissed my bro on the cheek last week when he wasn’t doing too great and in my mind I was doing it just as an extra way to be encouraging#and show my support and that I’m here for him cause tbh I’ve done that with plenty of other friends and it ain’t no thing#but after a week of wondering why he’s been distant and not wanting to be around me when I’m saying I just need some time with a friend he#finally admits that he thought that was weird and out of line. so I gotta backtrack and try to explain myself but now all the stupid little#pieces be fitting and I realize that he’s probably been misconstruing me wanting time with him as thinking I’m gonna try to flirt with him#or something else fucking dumb like that. despite the fact that that has never been the case and he knows me fundamentally as a person and#should know I wouldn’t ever do anything that could make either of us cheaters even incidentally. plus he’s basically like a brother to me#and I have an AFAB partner so it’s not like I’m trolling for cock anyway and he knows that too. but now I gotta go back through every#interaction we’ve had since that happened and analyze whether or not I was weird or awkward or inappropriate in some way that he could be#upset about at all. and also act like everything is fine and keep it pushing like normal and police every future action to be safe too#because of course he can’t just be straight up about anything or tell me if something bothered him no I gotta play a whole ass fucking#guessing game. and now I also can’t trust that my best friend who is supposed to know me so well won’t take things I say/do the wrong way.#can’t trust that my best friend won’t see me in a poor light now because it’s clearly been affecting the friendship#and like totally that’s my bad I overstepped a boundary I didn’t realize was there but you should have just fucking told me at the time#instead of pulling this shit and giving me anxiety and blowing me off and making me feel like shit#can’t rely on him or trust him or anything and what’s the fucking point of even having a best friend if this is what happens? I’m at the end#of my fucking rope right now so stressed and anxious and no matter how much I try to talk to him or anything he just brushes me off and#won’t let me explain or get my feelings out or anything else. but hey at least I was around for him the other day when he needed somebody#good thing I was there to keep him from going back to drinking or something else stupid and could help him out. cause that’s what really#matters right just being able to help somebody else when they need it even if they don’t reciprocate and are actively hurting me instead of#just being there for me as a friend. guess we try again tomorrow huh? what else can be done I suppose. just get to suffer and be riddled#with anxiety and stress and depression eating away at me and ruining my fucking life. can’t even enjoy the Olympics or anything else because#I’m stuck overthinking this dumb shit. just want this to be over and things to be back to normal. wanna stop being upset about this shit and#be able to let it go but I don’t fucking know how and I can’t keep losing friends because it’s killing me#personal
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