#i can very much see conan with dark circles

[sweetest-hearts]

older!coayu with all of my headcanons poured into them. i like them so much

[skzpvol]

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ MEMORIES - lee minho ࿐ྂ

pairing: exbf!minho x gn!reader

genre: angst

warnings: toxic relationship, cursing, alcohol consumption, mentions of cheating, reader is very rude (can you blame them?) and yeah general sad behaviors

wc: 3.1k

synopsis: you loved the song “Memories” but it hits different when you start to realize that the song is talking about your current relationship with your ex boyfriend.

a/n (1): this fic is inspired by this. Listen to “Memories” by Conan Gray before starting. English is not my first language so please let me know if I made some mistakes!

It’s been a couple of month,

that’s just about enough time

for me to stop crying when i look at all the pictures

now I kinda smile, I haven’t felt that in a while

Once you set foot in the apartment, you immediately regretted the choice. You already noticed that when you couldn’t stop shaking when you turned the keys in the lock. It had only been two months, yet it seemed that time had never stopped. You thought you’d never come into that place again, but you were there now, in that outdated entrance. Dusty sofa, messy kitchen and locked bedroom. You thought you’d never come into that place again, you were sure, but you were there now. The apartment was exactly as you remembered it, exactly as you remembered it before you ended your relationship with Minho.

With the box in hand you continued your walk towards the sofa, but each step corresponded to a stab in the chest. Every important moment was enclosed in those 4 walls. In that house you could retrace all the steps of your past relationship. Although the wounds were not yet fully healed, you also felt a strong sense of acceptance and peace. Each photograph, still carefully hung, made you unintentionally bruise a smile.

You miss him. You know that. But there’s no going back. Even though he was the best thing in life, you couldn’t go back.

You put the box down before closing your eyes and feeling the atmosphere. The rain that lightly slammed on the glass, the heating fan that started to work and the indelible smell of autumn leaves still imprinted on your clothes. If it wasn’t for the purpose of your return, you would have said it was one of the quietest moments in your life.

It’s late, I hear the door

Bell ringing, and it’s pouring

I open up that door, see your brown eyes at the entrance

you just wanna talk, and I can’t turn away a wet dog

Before you could do anything else, a loud noise interrupted the moment and you were forced to approach the door. Someone rang the bell, and the first thing you did was cross your fingers.

Please don’t be him.

When you opened the door, the new world built in recent months collapsed completely. Seeing those familiar brown eyes, you also saw all the pain that that man made you feel. You would also retrace the day when you promised that for nothing in the world you would give him another chance. There’s no way in hell you’d let the man you loved the most in the world scratch the armor of your heart again. What you had been through was still hard to swallow, and God knows how many times you prayed for the man in front of you to leave you alone. But apparently, the latter didn’t even seem to care. You wanted to slam the door in his face, but nothing could be compared to the way he hurt you. And so you did.

«please y/n» the boy took the door before you could close it completely. «I-I just want to talk- please»

Even though you wanted to yell at him, tell him how much you hated him and get him out of your life for good, you just couldn’t.

You couldn’t do it.

You noticed how thin he was, the bags and dark circles under his swollen eyes and his clothes completely wet because of the storm that had been falling undaunted for two hours. With the empty bottle of soju in his hand, Minho kept looking at you and wondering if you felt what he was feeling.

He certainly felt remorse and shame. But the most fragile thing was repentance. He was so sorry for what he did to you. He had ruined your life and ruined the relationships you were going to have from there. He would have done anything to go back. Even quit his job if it was necessary. But he couldn’t. He had to accept the truth as it was. He had to accept that there would never be a future for you again.

But please, don’t ruin this for me

Please, don’t make it harder than it already is

I’m trying to get over this

«please y/n» Minho approached you. And you were there. Unmoved, hoping that everything that was going on was just happening in your head and that that was another nightmare you’d wake up from.

«y/n, i just want to-» «don’t you dare to touch me» you shook your ex-boyfriend’s hand, but inevitably the door was wide open and you were definitely too far away to close it. His eyes were hooked to yours, and as much as it hurt, you couldn’t stop looking at him. It was so weird to see him like that. And even though it was only two months later, you couldn’t recognize him. It was as if he had let go, as if he had put his health in second place.

Minho started getting closer, and every step of the way, you took one back.

"There’s no way in hell you’d give him another chance" was the only thought in your body.

«c-can we talk?»

«i don’t want to listen to you» you tried to say. «give me only 5 minutes, please» he took your hands and squeezed them, but you didn’t do anything to stop him. You only hoped that your eyes would speak louder and that they would get Minho kicked out of your apartment. And it was weird to think that little house was all yours now. To think that no more than two months ago you shared it with the man you hoped would stay by your side forever. Or rather, with the man who promised to stay with you forever.

I wish that you would stay in my memories

But you show up today just to ruin things

I wanna put in the past ‘cause I’m traumatized

but you’re not letting me do ‘cause tonight

You decided to step away from the edge of the door and go to the kitchen. You didn’t want to lower your guard and show weakness in front of him. You had done it so many times and now you had neither the courage nor the will to do it, you had many weaknesses and Minho knew them all. But now you didn’t mean for him to penetrate your emotions. You were sick of his toxic side and you were so happy to be free of it. Then why did you feel a strong grip on your heart every time you crossed his gaze?

«only 5 minutes and you’ll n-never see me again, but p-please give me 5 minutes» Minho slowly walked into the kitchen but didn’t come near you. Despite the alcohol in his system, he knew he didn’t have to come near you to make you listen. Minho knew all the crap you felt for him, he knew all the pain he had made you feel and the last thing he wanted was to hurt you again.

Meanwhile, you were there, your mind retracing every second of your past relationship and all the mistakes you both made. Your eyes that begged you to let out tears and your hands that didn’t even ask your permission, on the contrary, started shaking like leaves and you didn’t even notice. He was the past, and you would do anything to make sure he wasn’t in your present.

you’re all drunk in my kitchen, curled in a fetal position

to busy playing the victim to be listening to me when I say

“I wish that you would stay in my memories”

in my memories, stay in my memories

«get out Minho, you are drunk, and i don’t want to have this conversation when you are definitely not sane» before letting it continue you corrected yourself. «in fact, I don’t want to talk to you and that’s it» The man in front of you frowned and it seemed that he also was struggling to hold back tears.

And you turned around because seeing him like that made you think you were the architect. It was your fault that the most beautiful relationship you had ever had was completely dissolved. "It’s all my fault, all my fault, mine, mine" was the only thought that came up every time you saw his tears.

You didn’t deserve to feel this way after what he made you feel. If everything was gone, it was because of him.

«please» Minho knelt down. He knelt before you for the second time. The first was always in this apartment, exactly one week after you moved in.

"You probably would have preferred me to ask you at another time and not in the new kitchen that is still dirty and needs fixing. But ever since I bought this ring, I can’t help myself, and I need to ask. y/n l/n, I never believed in forevers, but it’s been 5 years since we’ve been together and you’re the reason I started to believe that something can actually last forever. You know, I’ve always been undecided, but one thing I’m sure of, y/n. You’re the person I want by my side forever, you’re the person I love, and you’ll always be everything I need. And I want to live forever more moments like this with you. And I’m asking you here, in the dust and the boxes, to marry me. Give me the honor of continuing to believe in forevers with you"

Too bad that forever was very short.

«You know it hurts? It hurts to see you here after 2 months since we broke up» you had decided to look at him but your eyes had stopped fighting and now your cheeks were wet. «And what’s even more fun is that I was well again. I had finally managed to get you out of my mind and continue my life. I had managed to make you only a memory. And I» your hand violently cast away tears. It was hard to talk, but if he wanted to talk, then you’d make sure you had the last word. «I only hoped that you would remain in my memories»

«but I don’t want to remain your memory y/n» Minho almost screamed but from his voice you managed to perceive despair not anger. «y/n, I was like this when I asked you to marry me, remember?» the boy got up and knelt before you again. But this time he managed to take your hands and you once again did nothing.

«This was the ring that you gave me. I-I still have it, see?» Minho raised a hand in front of your face and the first thing your eyes fell on was the silver ring you gave him on your fifth anniversary.

«I told you I would never take it off. I told you I would keep it on my deathbed too» the boy still took your hands.

«Minho you’re raving, stop-»

«I still have 4 minutes, listen to me» his eyes did not go away from yours. But as much as you wanted to be strong, your legs were about to give out, and all those moments that Minho was making you voluntarily remember made you fragile. Maybe even too much.

«Do you know why I still have it? Because it is the only thing I have left of you. I have nothing left y/n. Even your perfume has completely left my clothes. I have nothing left. And I need you, just like I told you when I proposed» The boy got up before continuing, but his hands did not leave yours that he was not going to stop shaking. «I know that what I have done is unforgivable-» «if you know then why are you here?» You tried to say, but he interrupted you again.

«Because I don’t want to give up. I can’t live without you anymore y/n. I stopped doing all the things we did together because the pain is too much to bear. Soonie is always waiting for you at the door and Dori is always on the left side of the bed. And it’s heartbreaking y/n. It’s heartbreaking to know that you won’t walk through that door or that you won’t be on that side of the bed anymore. I have tried to go further, to think of something else or to know someone, but how can I concentrate on a new person when you are the only person who constantly occupies my thoughts? You are the only person I love, the only person who makes me feel alive. Y/n you are my light and since you are not there, I have only darkness around me»

Minho stopped so unexpectedly that you were paralyzed for a second. You couldn’t believe what he was saying. Every word he said meant a punch in the face.

now I can’t say “Goodbye”

if you’ll stay here the whole night

you know it’s to find an end to something that you keep beginning

over and over again

«Why didn’t you try to protect that light then? Why did you prefer to fucking blow on it at any moment?» You pushed him away, he was so close to your body that you couldn’t breathe. And you didn’t know what to do. You didn’t know whether to scream, keep crying, throw him away, or just sit and talk to him.

Minho, however, did not answer, he continued to scrutinize you, also completely tired from the tears. He was silent, perhaps because he was looking for the right words to continue or maybe because he simply had nothing to say.

«you’re so selfish» you started saying. You said it so quietly that you thought he didn’t hear it, but he was actually just waiting for you to go on. «you have continued to tell me how much you have been bad, how much I have made you suffer, how much you have done everything in order to go on, how much you can’t live anymore, but you have not minimally thought about how did i feel, how much did I suffer?» Your finger hit his chest repeatedly as you emphasized the "you".

«I know what I did is unforgivable» again. "Maybe you didn’t understand" you thought. And you were tired. Fed up with the fact that he hadn’t looked at reality yet.

«you cheated on me Minho» you shouted hoping that it would hurt less. Hoping that the wound would not open quickly. But you also felt satisfaction when you noticed that the statement hurt him more. Minho walked away slowly but without looking away from you. His body had also begun to tremble. And you were at least grateful that the pain was mutual. The only difference was that you felt anger and disappointment, but he felt a strong sense of disgust with himself. He knew he had broken the most precious thing in the world, but he didn’t think hearing it had that kind of impact.

«How could I forgive you after such a thing?»

I promise that the ending always stays the same

so there’s no good reason in make-believing

that we could ever exist again

«Let’s start all over again» Minho tried everything for everything, but a part of him knew what the answer would have been. «are you kidding?» They were the only words that came out of your mouth before you left.

You couldn’t believe it. Once again he couldn’t respect your limits. Once again he had crossed the line that you had barely drawn.

«I need you y/n» you turned again and your arms embraced you throughout your waist, maybe to seek some comfort. «and I need you to leave me alone» you didn’t even try to drive away the tears. What was the point anyway?

«y/n, i-i love you and if we tried-» «there is no "we" Minho! There will never be a "we" because you decided to ruin everything!» no longer mattered to you. Even if he saw you crying or screaming or despairing, it wouldn’t have changed anything. And if there was one thing you learned especially after your relationship with Minho, it was that you couldn’t keep it all inside because then you would explode. Just like at that moment. You fell to the ground and with your eyes closed you hoped again that everything was just a dream. A nightmare.

«Go away Minho» you begged him again. But he had another plan.

I can’t be your friend, can’t be your lover

can’t be the reason we hold back each other from falling in love

with somebody other than me

He sat before you and took your hands again. «I still want you in my life. I know it’s too much to bear but we can remain friends for a while. We can stay in touch and-» for the nth time that night you interrupted him. «friends? Minho how can I be your friend if every time I look at you I only see disgust» you tried to free yourself from the grip but it was all useless because you felt too weak.

«don’t do this to me» Minho cried again. He cried and he didn’t even do anything to stop. He was just looking at you. And a small part of him, a very small part of him, was hoping that you could feel mercy to see him like this.

«I can no longer have you in my life Minho. I must go on, we must go on»

«how can I go on when you are the reason why I will never fall in love again» he was more serious, probably because he wanted you to understand it 100%. But as time went on, the more he heard your answers, his hopes slowly drifted away. There was nothing left in his soul but a huge void. He shattered your heart into a million pieces, and you probably still had a hard time picking them all up. He couldn’t go back, he couldn’t change. Everything he did was irreversible and Minho finally figured it out.

«My light has gone out definitively» the phrase caught you by surprise and you looked at him immediately. You no longer saw sadness on his face, but only a great and profound resignation. It’s like nothing ever happened and he wrapped you in a hug. A hug as warm as cold because it would probably be the last.

«Thank you for making me believe in forevers» he cupped your cheeks and his thumbs gently removed your tears. «but I think that from now on I won’t believe in it anymore», a slight smile hinted before continuing.

«I will love you forever and you will always be the only owner of my heart» a kiss on the forehead was the last touch that Minho gave you.

And without adding anything else, he stood up and walked to the door and you followed him slowly. You couldn’t believe it. Was it over? You must have felt relieved, especially after everything he said to you. Then why did you feel this great weight on your heart?

«You know Minho, not only you lost your light that day» Minho turned to the sound of your voice and opened his eyes a little.

«you were my sun» Still with tears in your eyes, you smiled at him.

«I am sorry for all the pain that I have provoked you, but I beg you, make that light shines again. There is someone out there who will take care of it, certainly better than me» he said.

Once he turned around, you closed the door and you were ready to finally close that chapter of your life. That night was the last time you spoke to Lee Minho, but it was also the first time in months that you felt free.

You were ready to shine again.

a/n (2): OMG HI HOW ARE YOU??? It’s been so long since the last time I posted and I’m so sorry for my inactivity. I didn’t have much motivation to write during the last few months so I preferred to take a rest. Btw, I really hope you enjoyed my new work and I’m not that kind of person but I’d really appreciate if you could like and reblog it 🫶🏻. I’d also really appreciate some opinions about it. This took me so long but it’s personally one of my favorite. School break is over in less than 4 days and idk how much active I will be but I’m always on Tumblr. Feel free to contact me or anything! Thank you so much for reading, your support helps me so much. Have a nice day/night ❤️

[oneluckygoose]

O'Knutzy Week Day 5

Yooo, we've made it to the end!! (Of creating at least, still two more days left but I didn't have time to make anything. Also still written in advance to the actual week.)

Anyway, I figured for the last day I would share the songs on my O'Knutzy playlist I listened to while writing my stories (+ the characters they remind me of and why they did)

Credit of this beautiful thing we call Logan Tremblay, Finn O'Hara, and Leo Knut to @lumosinlove , and thanks to @oknutzy-week-2024 for also just being amazing.

Anyway songs under cut :)

shhh its a shit ton of Hozier

Line Without a Hook, Rick Montgomery - Ok look at me and tell me this isn't Harvard Era Finnlo. "You can hold my hand if no ones there" LOGAN! "All my emotions feel like explosions when you're around" FINN! Nuff' said.

Wish You Were Sober, Conan Gray - I only need one word to explain this one. Harvard. Next!

Sun, Two Door Cinema Club - Mainly reminds me of Finn, especially when he's in Gryfindor and Logan's still at Harvard. But also like listen to it, literally the entire song is just them.

Young In America, Barnes Courtney - Just gives me that Harvard vibe yk, Finn and Logan being best friends and then being drawn apart, it just fits them Imo. ALSO THAT LAST FUCKING VERSE IS SO UGH FINNLO (Also happens to be my favorite song rn so that may be part of it but like it's still them)

Running In Circles, Dead Poet Society - LOGAN. Specifically Logan his last year of college without Finn and him being in pain. Him having to hide it as well, and pretending he's not completely fucking devastated without Finn. Just the angst.

Atlantis, Seafret - Makes me think of Logan being scared and constantly telling Finn they can't and pretty much everything after the night Finn leaves Harvard. The feeling of helpless and inevitable heartbreak is very in line with that period of time.

Mind Over Matter, Young The Giant - Very Logan coded. Kinda how I imagined him with Leo and Finn before they got together. Also, "Cause' I'm a young man built to fall" is just something I think Logan would have told himself on why he couldn't tell Finn or Leo.

To Someone From A Warm Climate, Hozier - Also very Logan coded, I imagine him just quietly singing this into Leo's ear in the dark of a winter night, which are cold in Gryfindor which Leo is NOT used to.

Francesca, Hozier - Ahem, "the entire fucking song". Finn. This song = Finn. More exactly reflecting back on all of the hurt he and Logan went through together and knowing he would do it again. And again. And again. Especially when he's a Lion and O'Knutzy isn't a thing yet.

Home, Good Neighbours - Leo's homesickness, Logan missing Gryfindor in NY, Finn wanting to go back to Logan at Harvard. All of it. Though it did mainly make me think of Leo going home for a little bit after the Rangers knocked the Lions out of the playoffs in Vaincre.

TIMEZONE, Maneskin - Let me take you back to a lovely place called Logan fully ditching all-stars to see Leo and Finn in Vaincre. If this isn't the most Logan song I've ever heard, I don't even know. Also could be Logan in NY, or even Finn in Gryf while Logan's at Harvard.

Heaven Must Have Sent You, The Elgins - Leo. Just the way Leo tends to think about Finn and Logan, and he's definitely played this while dinner was cooking and the three of them danced in the kitchen.

Can't Take My Eye's Off You, Frankie Valli - Leo sings this at karaoke night constantly and you cannot tell me otherwise. Anyway, self explanatory, moving on.

Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene, Hozier - Finn and the way he thinks of Leo and Logan. I think that's enough.

From Eden, Hozier - Yk, I don't actually have a clear explination for this one, it just gives me those O'Knutzy vibes.

Somewhere Only We Know, Keane - Reminds me of Harvard and the Roof, but also just a very O'Knutzy and FinLo song that makes me want to reread Coast to Coast.

Ditmas, Mumford and Sons - FinLo falling apart after Finn graduates. The angst is very appropriate and obviously it doesn't last but this is how I imagine it was back then.

i wanna be your girlfriend, girl in red - Very self explanatory, we don't need to dwell on it.

Figure You Out, VOILA - Hey remember when Logan freaked out when he though Finn got a girlfriend? This, it's this. Every time one little romantic interest and Logan just turns into the embodiment of this song.

Mercy, Shawn Mendes - Ok yes Ik it's basic but this is totally how Finn felt when him and Logan were doing their little dance around each other and it was absolutely Killing Finn.

Thinking Out Loud, Ed Sheeran - OK I GET IT ALSO BASIC but it does genuinely make me think of an older O'Knutzy, one that will love each other for a very long time and will love each other no matter what happens and how they change.

High, Stephen Sanchez - Sorry this song is so Finn being fucking horny over Logan in college and thinking about all the things he would do to him given the chance.

Beautiful Things, Benson Boone - SHUT UP I KNOW BASIC, but anyway this is Logan thinking over the last few years and how things have gotten so much better but also being so so so scared he could lose it all in a moment. His beautiful things are Finn and Leo.

Supernatural, Barnes Courtney - Finn constantly at Harvard. Logan and him are dancing around each other and Logan keeps fucking touching him and being so close and it drives him insane. And just a very Harvard Era song.

Like Real People Do, Hozier - Not Finn saying "can we for once not kiss while we're both crying" and that's literally just this song in different words, ok?

If She's Anything Like Me, MALINDA - Logan with every single girl Finn talks about or even looks at. Finn is genuinely the most perfect and lovable person in his eyes, so why wouldn't everyone else love him, too? And just because he doesn't have the guts to say it, that doesn't mean they won't.

Heat Waves, Glass Animals - Ok ok ok ok ok hear me out..... Actually I don't have much to defend this so Ig it's just all of them staying up late at night just thinking about each other.

Home, Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros - A very FinLo coded song, especially with the "Jade...Alexander....I was falling deep deep deeply in love with you," part because tell me that didn't happen. Also Leo works in here too because home is with his boys and their home will always be with him, too.

When He Sees Me, Kimiko Glenn & co - Definitely what Leo came into his Rookie season thinking. Especially once he met Finn and Logan knowing he'd be head over heels if he wasn't careful. Just very Leo as well because ofc he's fucking defensive of his heart right after Jack bitchass Archer.

She, Foxy Venus - Guess, take a wild guess. Did you guess Harvard Era Finlo because yeah, that's it. More specifically I think Finn and trying to get Logan out of his mind and move on and that not working whatsoever.

Can't Help Falling in Love, Elvis Presley - This took me an embarrassingly long time to add but yeah Very much Leo with his boys and then Logan and Finn with Leo.

Can't Pretend, Tom Odell - Also took me an embarrassingly long time to add considering it HAS THE SAME TITLE AS ONE OF MY FUCKING WORKS but we don't need to dwell on it. Anyway, FinLo again, especially canonically when they have their little talks about loving each other and not admitting it.

This playlist will probably grow but y'all ain't getting my Spotify so it's just a list rn, might add onto it, idk. Anyway, hope this was suitable for a final O'Knutzy week post and figured it be fun to show you what I was listening to while writing all this. Genuinely I had To Someone From A Warm Climate on repeat while writing the first half of With a Straight Face because if y'all we're confused about the vibe, it's that (especially the beginning). Also Supernatural was on repeat for the first part of When We Can't Pretend (Oh and High was on repeat during the Kiss in the second half, lol).

Ok peace I genuinely can't wait to see everything when I get back in August!

[sugar-omi]

Saw your last ask about the eloping and then was just thinking if the MC left with Mr. Wedding planner considering some of his lines in the DLC and the Taylor Swift song (and I am so sorry Cove I love you too but oof this went straight to my brain from all the angst and wanting on both sides)

ahhhh im,,, assuming youre thinking what im thinking n that is MC leaving cove to be w baxter bc that angsty idea came into my mind in the middle of writing that request and i have some ideas on it :(( listen to this playlist for the full effect 👍👍 ik a lot more songs i could add but i left it w olivia rodrigo n conan gray

tags : Angst (with happy ending for cove lol), (emotional) cheating, breaking up, your family n friends ar upset w you to say the least, your fam and friends goes low/no contact

synopsis : you leave cove to be with baxter, this is how everyone reacts.

[this is based off this post: "eloping with baxter", where alternatively you leave cove for baxter.]

*edited because i forgot to add derek's reaction.

please break it off before the wedding. if you leave him at the alter, cove would be thoroughly destroyed and your immediate family would prbly end up disowning you and/or going very low contact.

breaking off the engagement was and is a really hard thing, but you do it anyway to be with baxter

i wanna touch on how your family n friends reacts to the break up first...

well lets just leave it at cove's parents don't talk to you anymore and you are not welcome even near their house

in fact cliff even moves out of sunset bird because he's so distraught and if cove comes to visit, which he does and even moves in with his dad, he sees how sad cove is and it kills him

he regrets ever moving to sunset bird and asking you to be his friend.

cliff never forgives himself for this, even though it isn't his fault, he feels like it is and even if (and when) cove gets over this betrayal, cliff hates that this happened anyway.

cliff doesn't send you any text, he just blocks you

but if you send a text before he can do so, which is possible since he's busy comforting his son

then he responds like this..

"please don't text this number anymore. and leave my son alone. you've really betrayed him.. me too. i thought you were a good person y/n. i hope you're happy with him"

kyra leaves you a very scornful message and then blocks you

she refuses to waste her breathe or time on someone who hurt her baby

she starts by saying how much she loved you and everything you did for cove, but ends it with how she can never forgive you for leaving cove like this

"don't bother apologizing. everyone had their faith in you to love and take care of cove but you've really blindsided him. you're no longer family to us, leave us alone."

your family is very disappointed

even though they don't cut you off, you're distant and if you marry baxter, they don't come celebrate with you

your mom is surprisingly very tender about it and she is the one who misses you the most

she cries over your pictures when you were growing up, and when everything was perfect

she knows you're an adult and things happen, this is the way the cookie crumbles sometimes but the holden's were like family too and everything is just hard

she can't even look at cove when she sees him

once she even broke down crying in front of him, she could see the dark circles under his eyes and yet he still smiled at her and gave his best "hello"

cove ends up comforting her in the middle of the grocery store parking lot...

she doesn't leave the house for awhile. she's so ashamed and embarrassed because she can hear the whispers of the townsfolk

"i wish they were kids again..."

your ma calls to yell at you.

ma doesn't ever get mad, if anything mom was the "bad cop" growing up and did most the iron fisting

but your ma can't believe you'd do this. she understands that sometimes you fall out of love with someone or have deeper feelings for someone else but.. you knew cove for 15 years and you leave for someone like baxter, who hurt you?

shes just blinded with rage and sadness, even thought she's yelling she ends up crying

she tells you not to come around for awhile, she can't bare to look at you and look at cliff (and cove) the next day

"please don't bother coming home, you're not welcome here for the foreseeable future. i thought we raised you better than this."

your sister doesn't know what to do

she never expected this from you

she hugs you while you cry, you're still her sibling but she also can't forgive you so easily

she and cove weren't close, but definitely closer than baxter and she saw how much he loved you. and she sees how much he's hurting, as he's slowly gathering all his stuff out of your shared house.

she helps him pack his stuff and gives him a hug, lets him cry and tells cove that he's always been like family, and will always be

she watches him cry in his car before finally driving off and suddenly liz is so mad

all this upset and upheaval for what? a traumatized, flirty victorian-emo man who stayed for a summer and told you to fuck off and then came back 5 years later?

she doesn't yell, but between the quiet and half empty house, liz scolds you and flies back home the same night...

"i love you but i can't believe you threw this all away for someone you knew for ONE summer 5 years ago... i'm so disappointed in you."

lee is the one who comforts you the most when you cry

but you can see the disappointment in her eyes

she calls you a lot less, and she doesn't scream in excitement at you anymore. especially if you're with him.

one night, she even whispers into the dark room, having thrown a blanket over you and thinking you are asleep.

"i thought you were better than this..."

your friends are so surprised

they never saw this coming at all

im (not) sorry to say but you are now friendless :)

miranda is the one with the greatest fury

she leaves several voice messages where she is yelling and cussing you out...

"lose my number! i can't believe you'd leave cove for your wedding planner! someone who hurt you 5 fucking years ago!" "you need to get a grip on reality if you think you're gonna live happily ever after. screw you, you-"

terry is with miranda at the time so she cut off the last message before she could share her new nicknames for you

terry's disappointment is immeasurable.

he tries texting you and asking whats going on before he asks you to meet him for coffee

thats the last time you see him before he sends you on last text...

"i hope you're happy y/n... i really cherished our friendship but i can't trust someone who did this to their partner and one of my best buddies... goodbye."

derek is ready to fly over to cove immediately, and he does.

derek helps cliff get cove settled and calmed down, he even makes dinner while cliff helps cove at least get a grip on reality again...

"i'm so surprised you did this y/n... i thought i knew you better but i guess not... listen, i gotta finish dinner, cove hasn't eaten in a couple days. i'm sorry but cove is my best friend, i hope you're happier now.. goodbye."

cove is ruined, to say the least.

somehow he expected it though..

you were dating cove when baxter came that summer, but he saw how you looked at him... it was with a sense of longing. he supposes it was only a matter of time before you decided you wanted a taste of baxter ward, he just hoped it would never come...

you dated baxter that summer, and he saw how distraught you were when he left you so brutually.. cove thought you really loved him, that you finally got over baxter. but apparently he was wrong, you were just patching your wounds until baxter could put you back together...

you never dated baxter, but cove saw how you looked at him with longing and cove always wished you would look at him like that. i guess you just turned your eyes to him until you could finally have the one you wanted...

cove loved you so much, and now that you've broken up he feels like he'll never recover

cove's personality does a whole 180

if he was "warm", he's not anymore. he can't bring himself to smile and laugh and socialize when his chest feels so hollow yet like he's been stabbed with pins and needles...

if he was already "cold", i need you to imagine him being even colder...

he still says his "please and thank you"'s whenever its necessary, but anything other than a hum when affirming to the cashier that he found his groceries okay

or telling the fast food worker what he wants to eat, which he usually orders online in that case, then he doesn't really talk too much

everyone can see how distraught he is even though he tries to distract himself

he cooks meals from scratch, he even learns how to make bread just to keep his mind away from it all

he tries to surf or look for shells but it just ends up hurting more because he as so many memories of those things with you

his whole childhood was with you... you gave him a childhood and you're the reason he enjoyed life so much, you made him so happy...

cove really tries to keep his head above water but even with the love and care from his parents, he's drowning...

its like when he was a little kid all over again but this time he's the one going through the break up

sometimes he snaps at his dad to please leave him alone and he runs off to the guest room crying.

he's so overwhelmed, overstimulated in every way and hurt.

he feels like he'll never recover from this one

when he does "get better", its still a total change from who he used to be

he definitely keeps his friend circle tight and dating isnt even on the table, and wont be for a long time.

fuck it probably takes him another 15 years to get over you.

all he knew for the last 15 years of his life was you, and now he has to do without you so its hard.

some days he falls apart again, because things are so much harder now that he has to take care of himself in every way possible

you reopened his trust and abandonment issues...

he has a date with olivia rodrigo and conan gray (see above for playlist)

when everyone finds out you eloped with baxter they lose their fucking minds

your ma doesn't even text or call you. you can't even hear her in the background when your mom calls because she can't believe you'd elope to him after all this, no matter how much time goes by...

your mom feels hurt again. it just makes everything so real and she feels sick thinking that baxter is now her son-in-law

your sister calls to yell at you. its less than a 5 minute phone call, she just can't believe you married him...

lee doesn't bother sending any congratulations, doesn't even like your pictures on social media. the next time she texts you she blames it on work, and thoroughly avoids talking about baxter

you better hope miranda and derek don't see it.

derek was certainly the most peaceful when the break up happened, but he would definitely unblock you just to tell you how disappointed he is and he definitely cusses at you.

""i can't believe we were ever friends.""

terry is angry too, but he cries more than anything

he misses having all of you together, this just reopens the wound of how things turned out...

if and when cove finally sees or hears the news, if this happened soon after your breakup he would lose his shit.

if you elope soon after breaking up: it takes everything for him not to throw his phone.

he definitely goes to the gym for a bit to work out some energy. he's so sad but most of all he's angry

that should've been you getting married but you're with him instead.

if you elope later after breaking up: it hurts for awhile. but it doesn't tear him up as long as it did when you broke up

but the first night he does look at your smiling face and he misses you.

in the morning he's talking to his dad and he does realize that its better like this

that you just decided that baxter had everything you needed, and its not cove's fault

he hopes you're happy with yourself

unfortunately, this isn't a bad bone in cove's body to wish you ill.

but he does hope you aren't as happy with baxter as you were with him <3

if he runs into you for any reason, maybe because your moms finally let you come over or you happen to be in town or something

cove smiles at you...

it's unsettling

especially since this is the first time you've seen him since the breakup and its been years

you start talking a bit, you with very big eyes and a shaky voice

cove used to be so sensitive but now that he's in front of you again he seems so unaffected...

"y/n." "y-yes?" your heart is jumping in your chest... "i hope you're happy now." you pause, looking down and twisting your wedding band on your finger. "i dont know... some days i'm happy enough, but most days i.. i think about the what if's...." cove nods. somehow he feels satisfied hearing that, but he'd never admit it. "well i hope you can get over it, you made your decision so you need to make it work. goodbye y/n..."

in the end cove is so much stronger, of course he's still vulnerable with people, he's still a crybaby but the walls he's built around himself are high and it took a lot of therapy for him to get over the betrayal

when cove does start dating again and if he gets married especially, your mom's are in the pictures...

he looks so happy, so does cliff and kyra

if your mom's are in the pictures, especially the wedding pictures, it saddens you because you have no pictures of your family with baxter, it doesn't matter how many years go by.

hopefully you're happy with your decision <3

[transman-badass]

WIP EXCERPT TAG

tagged by @thetruearchmagos on my main blog, thank you!

I'm giving y'all a taste of something I haven't talked about on this blog because I wasn't sure anyone would be interested. This is from the story I've been working on all week - a Conan the Barbarian inspired sword and sorcery adventure! I'm having so much fun writing this, and I hope it shows even in this snippet from my very rough first draft:

Stretched over a hole at the end of the room, a wildcat skin, spotted and faded from patches of sunlight. With one yank, Freyjrulf ripped it off the wooden pegs that held it still. A blast of cold air, the breath of water, rushed over his face. He froze, and looked within. The inner sanctuary. A massive room, carved from something not bone not stone not wood. No human hand could build a room so perfectly round, without the mark of the hand who created it. Freyjrulf stepped into the cool, dark room, something shivering inside him. His eyes followed the star chart on the walls, illuminated by the sunlight birthed through a single round hole at the top of the room. A sheen upon the walls, glinting like frost on grass, each star shining gold in the dim. A moat once flooded the center of the room, now long sealed by fallen debris. A bridge connected the outer circle where he stood, to the center platform within the moat. Above an altar, a massive skull, a stretched out muzzle with massive close-set eye holes, and massive teeth, sat in the center of the light. Freyjrulf did not startle, or shake, easily. But this was no normal shrine. This had been stolen, repurposed, by some long dead religion. It was older than that religion. Older than his humanity. He had seen the remnants of the Ancients once before, and he could never forget it.

I'm not sure who I can tag for this soooo here's an open tag! If you see this, you're up! Tag me and I'll reblog your excerpt!

[magpiesbones]

I love making playlists and was wondering if you have any songs that you associate with Witch Hat Atelier, The Raven Cycle or Howl's Moving Castle/House of Many Ways/Castle in the Air specifically?

Ooh or Hands if the Emperor?

oh this is a Really fun ask bc I found this really good trc playlist (unlinkable unfortunately) and it’s forever The trc playlist to me.

for witch hat I like a lot of Florence and the machine, but Forgiveness (許) by 4s4ki and silent legacy by Melissa etheridge also go very hard but I don’t really make playlists so. Most of my witch hat songs are ‘listen to while writing German college’ songs.

under the cut is the full TRC playlist written out.

like real people do- hosier

ghosts- the head and the heart

sea of love- cat power

dreams- Fleetwood Mac (or insert favorite cover)

Diplomats son- vampire weekend

arsonists lullaby- hosier

the mortal boy king— the paper kites

rivers and roads— the head and the heart

past lives— børns

I follow rivers�� Marika hackman

the anchor- bastille

Bloom- the paper kites

Crooked teeth— death cab for cutie

see you- lady lamb

blame- bastille

5am- amber run

mystery of love- sufjan stevens

spirits- the strumbellas

From Eden- hozier

church- fall out boy

nobody dies- thao & the get down stay down

moving mountains- anima!

the twist- metric

pigeon- cavetown

sick of losing soulmates- dodie

A pound of flesh- radical face

dreaming- small pools

the predatory wasp of the palisades- sufjan stevens

November- sleeping with sirens

October- broken bells

devil in me- halsey

nineteen- tegan and Sara

rewrite the stars- original broadway recording of greatest showman

reflections after Jane- the clientele

The night we met- lord huron

rollercoaster- bleachers

come along (edit)- cosmo sheldrake

Ride- Lana de rey

so much- cavetown

Neptune- sleeping at last

heavens gate- fall out boy

the end of all things- panic at the disco

Willow tree March- the paper kites

Everything is temporary- cavetown

paint- the paper kites

Talk me down- troye sivan

Good times- all time low

Americas sweetheart- Elle king

family- mother mother

ribs- lorde

Call me out- sea girls

Trees- twenty one pilots

scene three: stomach tied in knots- sleeping with sirens

ten feet tall- cavetown

impossible year- panic at the disco

this is gospel- panic at the disco

the yawning grave- lord huron

always gold- radical face

Blue girl- the chromatics

waltz- the naked and famous

midnight city- m83

dream team- Aidan knight

devils playground- the rigs

you should see me in a crown- Billie eilish

teenage mind- Tate mcrae

silver lining- hurts

The wisp sings- winter aid

full circle- half moon run (this one REALLY has the vibe)

maybe we’re home- Lewis watson

wait- m83

July bones- Richard walters

lost it to trying- son lux

heirloom- sleeping at last

meet me in the woods- lord huron

Into the unknown- postcards from mars

welcome home son- radical face

young god- halsey

monsters calling home- run River north (also THE vibe)

let’s kill tonight- panic at the disco

No light no light- florence and the machine

these days are numbered- the head and the heart

hold on- Lewis watson

house of memories- panic at the disco

home- hollow coves

loneliness- SIAM

the funeral- band of horses

drive- halsey

gold- sir sly

another night on mars- the maine

we can try- between the trees

we’ll be the stars- Sabrina carpenter

why- Sabrina carpenter

slow dancing in the dark- joji

talk- coldplay

graveyard- halsey

the other side- Conan grey

Daughter- sleeping at last

if I get high- nothing but thieves

graveyard whistling- nothing but thieves

in this shirt- the irrepressibles

two men in love- the irrepressibles

[leam1983]

Nightingale - Impressions

It's still very, very, very much in Early Access. Difficulty selections practically don't matter, and biome selection really just reskins the same basic resources to either one of three aesthetic variants. Enemies all charge you straight-on and circle-strafing is your guaranteed Win Button. You also have the sense that Puck, the Fae personage taking you through his people's stunningly beautiful Wildlands, is still being worked on by his dedicated animators. Some of his end-of-convo animations end rather abruptly. I could also comment on the character designs, but this is mostly a personal dislike of Inflection's focusing on lithe and lanky human PCs than any sort of informed criticism on the art direction.

The servers were obviously shit for Launch day, and it's yet another one of those cases where you wonder why the game had to be designed to be always online. In a landscape that contains discrete titles like V Rising or Age of Conan that both allow players to cover the upfront costs of a custom server and that manage to streamline the entirety of their ecosystems client-side, you're sort of left wondering why the online component is necessary. I can understand Indies wanting to combat piracy, but locking your title down to the existence of a server is an extremely dicey proposition for a group shipping its first title ever - even if some of the alumni of Inflexion Games include ex-BioWare employees. I would've preferred something like a Dark Souls-esque Mutiplayer integration, whereby everything is client-side and a lobby is joined only if and when the local user chooses for it to happen, either through the use of a menu system or through more diegetic means, as is the case in Soulsborne titles.

Past that, I think recipe costs should be rebalanced, especially in terms of building pieces and materials. I love that Inflexion cribbed Funcom's concept of laying down complete blueprints first and then letting players slowly funnel bulk resources to the build, but the total costs for something as simple as four one-square Foundations and a basic wooden shack are beyond ridiculous. I shouldn't need to strip an entire hill's worth of trees, shrubs and tall grass for a cabin that's about the same size as Thoreau's little sylvan pied-à-terre.

Thankfully, the game does pack solid navigational systems. Permanent markers can be placed in the game world that show up for all players, which is handy if you're looking to make that final push to a Realm's exit portal, or you can put several personal ones atop your compass - which is always handy to keep track of the berjillion logging camps and lean-tos you're going to be putting together.

Where it differs from titles like Valheim is in how the gameworld actually contains friendly NPCs that can serve as vendors. Puck eventually stops unlocking crafting recipes for you, and you'll have to seek out fellow humans in the Faewilds to learn how to build or craft more intricate designs. Everything in-game can be broken down to its Essence value, and Essence is effectively your in-game currency as well as your all-purpose Fix-It Wonder-Thingy that allows you to keep your crafted goods operational. You can expect to strip entire hills of basic mats for the express purpose of funding a few basic purchases with some of the game's many Steampunk vendors, which all tend to come from various literary and fictional corners. The game obviously incentivizes a forward technological creep, seeing as the more advanced you are, the easier it becomes to funnel advanced tech into your Essence production, or to barter using Essence-rich items as a source of capital. All of that is paid for by and enables you to take to dungeons of various levels of difficulty to claim rarer materials and resources for yourself.

It's a bit barebones for now, but Nightingale does show promise.

[oikadori]

A/N: No one asked for this but I really wanted to write some angsty fic...so this is the outcome of listening to Callum Scott and Conan Gray for three full days asfkasjk sorry this is the longest thing I’ve written Hope you like it!

Miya Atsumu x f!Reader

Summary: He was your best friend and she was perfect, but still you fell for him

Genre: angst, unrequited love 

Warnings: self-doubt, insecurity, swearings 

Now playing: Dancing On My Own, Heather 

WC~2,6K

You should already be used to hear it, but every time Atsumu let out a booming laugh you couldn’t help staring at him with dreamy eyes.

“Oi, Y/N!  Are you even listening to me?” his hazel eyes open, looking at you playfully.

“Yes, I’m hearing you, and no, it wasn’t as funny as you think” he frowns, pushing you from your chair almost making you fall if it wasn’t for his quick grip on your forearm, “You asshole!”

“Why so harsh on me today, sweetheart?”

Yo feel your stomach twist at the nickname, making Atsumu smile at the way your cheeks get a dark red.

“Because you were a total dick with those poor girls” he sighs, tired, stretching his arms behind his head, “You could’ve been nicer, you know?”

Biting your lip, you remember the teary eyes of those girls as they ran away sobbing after they had told him their love confession. Would you have the same luck if- No, no way you had a crush on him.

“They have a crush just on my looks, it’s annoying”, he spits, “Why do you care so much anyways?”

“I…-” he looks at you with curiosity as you carefully think your words, “-I guess I would feel horrible if I were them and confessed”

“Don’t tell me you have a crush on someone Y/N”

“Of course not, all of you ,men, are idiots”, he place his hand on his chest with a wounded look, making your eyes roll, a smile tickling your lips, “Now, hurry with your homework, you’re stealing my lunch time”

He reaches for his bag, taking out his lunch box to hand you the extra Onigiri he had. You smile fondly even if it is not the first time he brings you food during your study sessions.

He was your best friend, yet his gestures never failed to dazzle you.... Maybe you do have a crush on him.

 ///

You enter the gym with a tired look, a yawn slips pass your lips before sitting on the bleachers, you plug your earbuds and take out an unfinished assignment from your bag. The second years wave at you, Atsumu sticking his tongue out, you wave back before locking eyes with him and returning the gesture, making the setter grin.

The next time you lift your eyes from your work, you open them wide before taking off your earbuds to listen to the scene in front of you.

A girl wearing the team’s jacket enter the gym alongside the captain, making it feel as if the time stop. The team look at them in surprise as she bows.

“I’m eager to be your new manager! I used to play but-” she points at her wrist with a shy smile,” I got pretty bad injured so I hope I can be helpful here”, you advert Atsumu’s gaze, making your heart flinch a little.

“I’m Miya Atsumu, setter, I haven’t see ya around before” the girl looks at him with an eager look, leaning closer, a happy smile on her face as Atsumu stands still, the smirk on his face fades as she erases the gap between them. ‘The hell is she doing?’

“Oh, I know you! The star setter, guess what they say about you is truth-”, you wait for the usual compliments girls told him all the time, your lips curve up a little remembering Atsumu’s usual reaction at them, “-your serves are truly monstrous, your technique is impeccable”

His eyes glimmer with curiosity and you notice the light blush on his cheeks as he gives her his best smile. In all the years you’ve known him, you’ve seen him flirting with girls, hooking up with one before getting another, but this…this was different.

You stand up before properly thinking what you are doing. You haven’t felt jealous before and you didn’t have the right for it, but an overwhelming despair sets the pace of your feet as they move towards them.

“I used to be a setter myself but-“

“Hey, Tsumu, see you after practice to finish our chemistry homework?” you peek your head between them, making the girl take a few steps back, a surprise look on her face. Atsumu looks at your innocent smile and blinks.

“Y/N, I told you not to call me that in practice-” he whispers to you, hiding it with a few coughs, “Uhmm, sure” the couch calls them and he waves at you before jogging off with the new manager to line up with the rest.

Your eyes linger on them a few more seconds, he laughs with her, making you furrow your eyebrows together, noticing just now, how beautiful she was.

///

“You still look like crap”

“Shut up, Samu!

You stand between the twins near the main door of the cafeteria, watching Atsumu run his hand through his hair multiple times as he stares at his reflection on one of the windows ‘All that… for her?’

A voice that comes from behind you, makes Atsumu look over your shoulder with a nervousness you haven’t seen before.

“Tsum Tsum!”

He gasps at the sight of her, the short dress she is wearing frames her figure perfectly, and you can’t help to look at your own clothes wondering if you couldn’t have dressed more casually.

You remain silent as she reaches for his hair and ruffles it friendly, the display in front of you feels surreal, suddenly your limbs are numb and your eyes can’t seem to drift away from Atsumu’s happy smile as he grabs her wrist to kiss her hand.

“You look stunning”

“What a gentleman – Oh, hey ‘Samu and-“

“Y/N” the words come sharper than you intended, the girl just let out an innocent giggle

“I’m so sorry! I don’t get to see you a lot in school, you’re in the advanced classes, right?”

“Y/N is a genius, they wouldn’t allow me to play if it wasn’t for her”, Atsumu says pointing at you with pride while his other hand rests on the small of her back guiding her to your table. A lump forms on your throat, making it impossible for you to reply, you  manage to pull an empty smile.

On the table you are silent as ever, nodding at all the conversations the second years try to include you in. Your mind is already far away, wondering all the possibilities that could happen if you were brave enough to confess right there, right now, but the sight in front of you snaps you to reality again.

Atsumu lips gets stained by some red sauce and before you can point it out, she licks her thumb before pressing it on his lips. His cheeks turn bright red and his jaw slightly slacks open.

“How is that you aren’t already dating? It’s been almost three months since you are all over each other” Suna casually says

Three months indeed, and she entered more and more in their small circle. But how could you stop it when she was just…so lovely?

 Atsumu stayed until much later in practice but still you chatted together. Late night texts, becoming in late night calls to check up on each other.

‘I want to ask her out. Fuck, I want her so badly, but what if she rejects me, Y/N!’

‘Tsumu, you’re Japan’s top high school setter. Believe me, she won’t reject you’

Now you want to hit your head against the nearest wall, remembering your stupid words.

“Would you say yes if I ask you out?” 

“I would say yes to more than that” the table falls dead silent at her words as if they waited for the next scene of a movie.

 Suddenly Atsumu press his lips against hers with ferocity, she pulls the collar of his shirt, deepening the already heated kiss. You almost choke on your water, earning a concern look from Kita, you find yourself standing up violently before rushing to the restroom.

You close the door behind you before looking at yourself in the mirror, ‘I could have never competed with her’. You bite your lip, and shut your eyes tightly, your hands grasping both sides of the sink, you let your head fall forwards, eyes fixed on the white of the porcelain as they water.

“Y/N, are you okay?” you stiffen at the soft female voice coming from the other side of the door, “Do you need help?”, you let out an humorless laugh. ‘A sweetheart with everyone, huh?’

“I-I don’t feel good, it’ll better if I head home. Please tell the others, I had an emergency or something” your throat feels extremely dry all of sudden and your voice comes out shaky.

“Oh! I can take you home-“

“I’ll rather go alone! I don’t know if I’m sick and I’d hate to…infect you. Thank you, tho”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes”

“Okay…text me when you get home!”

When you hear the footsteps fading away, you wait a few more minutes to walk out the restroom, just to find Atsumu talking cheerfully, his eyes filled with adoration for her. He didn’t even look at your direction as you left the cafeteria, and in that very moment you realized he would never look at you that way.

 ///

“Where is Y/N, I haven’t seen her in years?”

“I think she is tutoring some first years”

“Oh” Atsumu finds himself looking at your usual spot on the bleachers, he barely got to see or talk to you in the recent weeks. 

You’ve been missing his calls on purpose. Since that dinner, you had to put all your energy to smile at him when he waved at you in the corridors as he held her hand. It had been almost a month of hearing him talking about how gracious she was and weeks of looking how they made out on the couch in the end of the library or against one of the gym’s walls.

You thought that if you put distance with him, you’ll manage to get over that soreness that felt heavy on your chest each time she made him laugh. But no matter how many extra classes you took or how many first years you tutored, your mind always came back to Inarizaki’s setter.

The sky was dark by the time you finished tutoring the last first year, he bowed at you and you gave him a brief smile before locking the classroom. You handled the keys to your teacher and walked out of the building.

The cold wind hit your face, making you shiver, you search for your jacket in your bag, finding only a scarf. Atsumu gave it to you. You haven’t used it in a while now, but the cold was too much to bear with for your thin uniform. You place the material carefully around your neck, caressing the fabric begore sighing, watching your breath fading into the air and start walking.

“Oi” his voice makes you turn instantly, and you catch him jogging to you, “It’s fucking cold out here!- Uh, you still have it?” he points at your neck with a cheeky grin.

Atsumu looks extremely handsome like this, a little pink on his nose and cheeks and the few lights highlight the hazel of his eyes. It makes you gulp before replying.

“Of course, I do. It was my first two-digit birthday!”, he laughs remembering the chaos you both made by that age, you smile a little before looking at him with concern, “What are you still doing here? Something happened?”

“No! I-I just wanted to walk home with you, like we used to” he looks at the ground and sighs, “I know you’re busy, but I missed ya” the words make your heart warm even when you can’t stop shivering, “You are freezing” he takes his volleyball jacket and place it over your shoulders

“No, I’m fine, really. You should-”

“Stubborn as always. What am I supposed to do with your freeze corpse?”, you huff, putting the jacket on as he starts walking.

“What about your girlfriend?”

“She already left, don’t worry she knows you’re my best friend, she won’t act bitchy at you” you just nod and start walking alongside the setter, not caring about the sting that ypu just felt in your heart.

The walk is long and awkward, Atsumu finally getting hit by the way your friendship had changed. Your brief answers and forced smiles make him more and more annoyed, becoming more silent with each minute.

You didn’t have the energy to keep up with his drollery, each time you looked at him you just felt the urge to be held by him and tell him the painful truth: You didn’t have a crush on him. No.  You loved him.

“What is wrong with you?” he says, suddenly stopping.

“Excuse me- “

“If you don’t want to be friends with me anymore, just say it! Jesus!”, his exasperated tone makes your eyes narrow, “-But don’t have me fooling around, worrying about you for almost a month” your mouth twitches downwards as you realize your indifference had hit a spot on his pride. 

For a solid minute you don’t hear anything, you just stare at him with a flood of thoughts rushing through your head until you manage to pull one of them out into a dry whisper.

“We shouldn’t be friends anymore- “his clenched fists loosen, and he watches your lips carefully, “I can’t do it anymore – thought I could but…is too much”,

The crack of your voice makes you stop for second, giving you time to gain a little bit more of air before feeling again as if you were drowning.

“I can’t be friends with you anymore, because I want you!… The worst part is that she is so FUCKING perfect!” your arms move in the air letting out all the feelings you had bottled up.

“I thought I could brush away the feeling, but I realize – I  love you, Atsumu” his mouth opens slightly not able to produce a sound as your arms fall to your sides, a tear streaming down your cheek.

You take his jacket off, the cold air embracing your body, but you can’t care less. He motions to you, but you lift your hand, stopping him.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Would it have changed anything?” his silence tells you all you needed, making your heart clench, “That – That’s what I though…It’s okay, really. I wouldn’t choose me either” your breath becomes irregular and you bite your lip, capturing a sob, “This is my fault, falling in love with you…If being friends makes you happy, I-I will do my best to be your friend, then”

Atsumu was usually selfish with the things he wanted and proud about the things he made but seeing you there, shivering with red eyes and swollen lips, made his heart ache.

And he couldn’t be less proud about the things he was about to say.

“You were right before. We shouldn’t be friends anymore. I do not want to deal with you being in love with me and my girlfriend”, you hiccup, fixing your sore eyes on his, “You made things so fucking complicated, it’s better to end this now”, he hiss, gritting his teeth, waiting for you to storm out.

 But when he feels your cold lips on his cheek, he bites his bottom lip harshly.

“Sorry, I never meant-”, ‘To fall for you’, it takes all his will power to not envelope you in his arms, so he only turns his face away, hearing your sobs. He loved you but not the way you did. “-to mess us up”

You walk away quickly, tears running down your cheeks as you press your hand firmly against your lips, drowning the uncontrollable sobs. Atsumu stands there watching you disappear into the coldness of the night, shutting his eyes tightly, understanding, he had lost his best friend.

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[alby-rei]

Piano Heist (Arthur x MC)

a/n: In which MC can’t resist the urge to steal Mozart’s piano, and Arthur pays for it. 

[Characters]: MC, Arthur, Mozart, and Theo

[Genre]: Comedy with a hint of pining  

[Warning]: One Very Angry Austrian None

~*~

Do you ever get that feeling…?

When the more forbidden something is, the more you really want it?

When all logic and reason tell you to look away, to let go of your inner desires?

What I’m referring to, of course, is the desire to play on Mozart’s precious fortepiano.

Every time I walked by his room, and the sound of his elegant performance drifted through the hallway, I could feel my fingers twitch at the thought of doing the same. And today was no different.

Mozart was out to rehearse with his orchestra, and I was in charge of cleaning his piano room.

Okay, more like I appointed myself in charge of cleaning his piano room.

The more I darted around the magnificent instrument that sat proudly in the middle of the secluded room, the more my mind began to swarm with plans to steal it, to take it for myself. No other piano has made me feel this way…

…except maybe the modern Steinway, but that wasn’t invented yet… 

I circled the piano, shifting my gaze between it and the door. I carefully walked towards the open door that led to the hallway. I leaned against the door frame to scan the hall for any signs of vampiric presence.

None. My mind was set. 

I’m stealing Mozart’s fortepiano.

I looked down at the legs of the piano. It looked like wheels were installed.

Must’ve been recent, perfect! 

I unlocked them, moving behind the piano to start pushing it towards the door. I struggled with the sheer mass of it, but I kept going. I wasn’t going to back out now.

I had about half of it through the double doors barely; it was a tight fit. I winced every time any edge of the piano made even a hint of a scraping sound.

Just then, I heard a low whistle rightward outside of the door. A mop of blue hair peaked inside. Identical blue eyes narrowed with a mischievous grin to match. All the telltale signs of one curious Arthur Conan Doyle.

“What do we have here, luv?”

I brought the piano to an abrupt halt and stood leaning on it casually. 

“…Nothing.”  

“Well, it seems to me a lot like you’re trying to snatch Wolfie’s piano.”

I stared long and hard back at his keen azure eyes, my position unchanging.

“No shit, Sherlock.”

He flinched. His grin melted off of his face into something between a grimace and a pout.

“MC!!” He whined, “You know I don’t like being compared to that woman-hating bloke.”

“Shhhhhh!” I attempted to hush discretely and assertively. I paused, on the lookout for any signs of more vampiric movement.  

None.

I rolled my eyes at his insistent snickering.

“I am taking this piano for myself, now are you going to help me, or do I have to eliminate you first?”

“Eliminate me? Last I checked, I won our last bet, and you owe me a favor.”

“You cheated! I called out your loophole and you still haven’t paid up for that.”

“…alright, dove, I’ll relent this time, but I’m not back down from my favor rights.”

The thought of Mozart’s absolutely livid expression when he finds out about this was an utter delight to the resident troublemaker.

“Oi!” I glared at the sudden feeling of contact from a gloved hand, swatting the offensive hand away.

“You’re not getting any favor until this mission is completed, Sir Arthur.”

“Alright, alright. Just don’t call me Sir again. It’s much too formal for us, pretty bird.”

Arthur proceeded to push the piano, flashing a practiced flirty wink to me.

I could not roll my eyes any further back than I already did. This man never rests, does he? Not that I minded.

Not that I would ever admit to him that I did not, in fact, mind it.

‘Focus. Piano. Mine. First.’

“Where are we taking this to anyways?”

“Your room,” I answered instantly, “Duh.”

~*~

It was a long day at rehearsal. Mozart’s entire body ached from standing, conducting, yelling, and just being out in public in general. He rubbed his temples insistently on his carriage ride home with Jean, praying he could just be in his piano room at last.

Arriving after sundown, Mozart made a beeline for his room to change clothes, then to his sacred piano room. He had a stack of sheet music tucked under his arm, as he went to unlock the room.

Wait. It was already unlocked.

Oh no. Oh no.

He opened the door with the force of a hurricane. His lavender eyes wide and enraged. The sheet music scattered on the floor haphazardly.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

The vampire composer’s sadness and sorrow could be heard loud and clear in every corner of the mansion. The crows flew off of their tree branches, the squirrels scurried off into the wilderness, and the worms hid beneath the dirt. But none of these creatures were half as terrified as the mansion’s residents.

Well, almost all of the residents.

Two lovely troublemakers leaned against the subject of Mozart’s anguish, laughing hysterically together. We currently settled in Arthur’s room with the hostage piano standing proud, nestled between his bed and his writing desk. The chaise-lounge was moved to the side for space. The fortepiano’s solid white wood contrasted with Arthur’s dark oak furniture, creating a magical air to it. It carried itself like a precious treasure out of a dragon’s den. 

Our laughter died down as I slid Arthur’s chair in front of the guest piano of honor, sitting elegantly as I would in front of an audience. I brought my hands gingerly over the keys, softly pressing to play excerpts of pieces I learned in the 21st century.

Arthur slowly settled into his chaise-lounge on the sidelines. It may have started as a prank, but now he deemed himself the luckiest man in the world to be the sole audience member in this moment.

The moment was interrupted by the sound of a furious Mozart loudly announcing his presence in the room next to us. The suddenness of it caused me to strike a harsh dissonant chord that surely reached the composer’s ears.

‘Shit shit shit shit.’

Wordlessly, I flattened myself on the floor and rolled under Arthur’s bed to hide, leaving Arthur to confront Mozart’s rage single-handedly. Luckily for me, Arthur was too caught up by the sound of Mozart’s entrance to notice. 

“Arthur…” Mozart was seething, every word dripped with venom, “what is my fortepiano doing in your room?”

Mozart’s expression was deadly calm, but the intensity in his eyes caught Arthur off-guard.

“Mozart, mate, you see… Me and—” Arthur’s confident aura dissipated as he found no MC behind the piano anymore.

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t report you to le Comte.”

Arthur received his second shock of this conversation. His mind swirled with flashbacks to Comte’s relentless scolding and subsequent punishments.

“I… have none. But what I can do is help you return it to its original place.”

THE Arthur Conan Doyle... bargaining? I pressed my lips to avoid making a sound as I shook from laughter.

“Help me?! This is all your responsibility to put back without a single scratch.”

Arthur’s eyes darted for a split second to the edge of the piano.

Uh oh, Mozart noticed.

“ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE, YOU DARE DAMAGE MY PIANO?!”

Needless to say, Arthur would expect an earful from le Comte after the earful he just received from Mozart. Oh, he was definitely going to abuse his favor from MC after this.

Once the sound of their footsteps grew fainter with time, I slowly rolled out to run where no one could hear my laughter that was kept bottled up for the past 30 minutes.

I stumbled a bit as I tried to compose myself in the hallway when—

“Oi, Hondje. What are you off giggling about?”

Despite having calmed down from my previous laughing fit, recalling the past hour’s events got me doubling over in laughter again. I held up a hand as a signal to give me a minute. Theo pinches the bridge of his nose, muttering something about his time being precious.

“Ok, so basically…”

As I told him everything that unfolded, Theo went from facepalming to slightly shook to cracking a smile at Arthur’s demise.

“You brilliant Hondje,” he chuckled unexpectedly. 

I straightened up and courtsied as dramatically as I could muster with arms outstretched.

“Why, thank you.”

His smirk straighted into a line, his eyes carrying a challenging glint, “Pull that shit on me and I won’t let you go that easy.”

“Oh, I’d like to see you try to stop me,” while maintaining eye contact, I pointed a finger at his chest, “you’re next.” 

MC: 1, Arthur: 0

[juminly]

Moonlight (Arthur Conan Doyle x Reader)

Summary: On a night where you thought Arthur was simply sweeping you off your feet as he always did, he wanted to do much more than that. He had so much to be thankful for. All of those reasons were... you. Word Count: 2.1 K. (This was supposed to be a drabble...) Tags: Pre-relationship fluff, Mutual Pining, Canon Divergent (in a way?), Not Beta Read. –♥–  You thought it was just one of those times when one of the residents, one of which was Arthur, would try to occupy your time somehow, distracting you from the fact that you were away from home, far from the reality that you knew, grew up in and loved. It didn’t bother you that much, especially since you were in good company yet getting used to different customs, being surrounded by people who didn’t even speak a language you understood wasn’t really the easiest. After breakfast was over, Arthur was one of the first to leave, creeping up slowly to stand behind your chair at the dining table and slipping a small note in your hand as he leaned down to whisper something in your ear, low and sweet: “Don’t be late, pretty dove. I’ll be waiting for you.” You were not one to be easily swayed with sweet words and flirtations, very much able to throw some back and exude the same playfulness back at whoever it is that was trying to woo you yet when it came to the mystery writer, the heat that crept up your cheek was involuntary, accompanied by the smile that he always managed to draw on those lips of yours. Hearing his voice and the smile in it was plenty to have you filled with happiness and the prospect of spending more time with him, alone, was so much better. Reading the note while you were on the way to your room, you grinned at his cheeky message, inviting you to a day out with him where he can flaunt you before all of the skirts in Paris and show them how beautiful your wings were, the prettiest dove he has ever laid eyes upon. Shaking your head at this, knowing that it was just some prelude to what he really wanted to say. Reaching a small note at the end, your lower lip caught between your teeth as you gazed at the intricately written words on the piece of paper, a dreamy sigh escaping you as you wondered how such a wonderful man is often disregarded and even scorned by those who surround him. You had absolutely no idea what he was up to and you didn’t even care. “I would love for you to accompany me to an occasion that I cannot bring myself to attend on my own. Lend me your hand for the evening, love and I promise I’ll make it worth your while. Also, tonight will be quite chilly so do make sure to bring a shawl with you, unless you would rather be warmed in my arms. A much more agreeable option, if I may say so.”

As he had instructed, you were a pretty dress that Sebastian had gotten you, one of many that he populated your wardrobe with, to make sure that you didn't feel completely out of place, having to always wear the same clothes or go to town, every single damn time you felt like you wanted to wear something different. You absolutely added your own touches to it, making it a bit more modern, a little more you which always earned you a wide knowing smile from Arthur, especially now that you were all dressed up to go out with him... Wishful thinking as it was, he told himself that you were all dolled up for him, your lips painted in a bloody shade of crimson that made him wish that he could sink his fangs in your neck and kiss you, so he could share the sweet taste of you, a wonder that you could both enjoy together. Before his daydreams could fly even further away from any sort of reality that could never happen, he took your hand and kissed the back of your hand, leading you out of the grand door of the mansion and into the cities of Paris, just a little before sunset. The skies were a beautiful shade of pink, a colour that tinted both of your faces while you both laughed together at whatever ridiculous story Arthur had recounted to you, the man never failing to find any sort of avenue to entertain you. Just hearing that boyishness resonate from him, the way his eyes crinkled and his lips spread widely and freely across his handsome face, letting go of any sort of restraint that he might have to uphold some sort of image or composure before you. This was just him. The Arthur that you got was the real Arthur and it was the little things that you noticed, the things that were just slightly different when he was with you that made you want to be even closer to him. Literally speaking, Arthur had wound his arm around you, keeping your side flush against his while you walked to wherever your destination was, the simple gesture was left unquestioned since you had caught the reason why he did so. Man thought he was so smooth but you did see how many of the men passing by were looking at you, especially that it was getting darker, the crowd that you would find lurking around were much different and you would know, especially after your many trips to the bar with Arthur and Theo. But now that you were much closer, the rich smell that wafted from Arthur was even stronger, intoxicating as you always found it, making your mind swirl as you inhaled it and sighed happily as discretely as you could. On another end, the mystery writer was doing the same, a satisfied smile playing on the corner of his pink lips, the small beauty mark by his lips appeared to be a bit higher, lifting even more as you both turned to look into each other's eyes at the same moment, a round of shy chuckles ensuing as your story-filled stroll had finally come to an end. Entering through a door to some establishment that you've never been to before, slowly the sound of a crowd filled your ears as you found yourself in a room filled with people. Groups talking animatedly and excitedly in French, you obviously having absolutely no idea what they were talking about but one thing you couldn't miss, they were all holding a book in their hands. Throwing a curious glance in Arthur's direction, his leathered fingers gave yours a tight squeeze. Whether it was a conscious or unconscious gesture, the man had no clue as he gave you a wistful smile, a heavy sigh escaping his lips when he finally leaned down, inching closer to you so you could hear him better. Sweet man, he thought he needed to do that when the moment he parted his lips and his sweet voice came from them, every other sound in the damn world was blocked and he was the only thing you could hear. "Remember when you had to tear me away from writing a few days ago, forcing me to rest as I couldn't bring myself to do so. Well, love, this is the result of your kindness to me. It was exactly what I needed yet, something I never bring myself to ask for." He lifted a leathered index, circling it around, a gesture ushering you to gaze around you, take in your surroundings before you brought your eyes back to him, his tone oozing with gratitude and an atypical solemness that he only exuded when he was serious and speaking from the heart. "I've known about these gatherings even since I began writing again. The moment one of my writings is published, these people flock together to celebrate it, for a reason that I could never comprehend." With a sheepish yet derisive chuckle, Arthur turned his eyes down and at your linked hands, squeezing them tighter, expecting an onslaught that he had become accustomed to, when you began reprimanding him for not valuing or showing any love to his work. The warmth that painted his cheeks and filled his chest was not what he was expecting as you pulled on his hand so your lips could press gently over that mark of his that you really loved, while you went on the tip of your toes to grace him with the soft touch of your crimson lips. "Thank you for choosing me to be with you today." You murmured softly before resting back down on your heels, basking in his soft gaze, his expression tender and heartfelt. He was one step closer to his journey of self-acceptance and you were happy that he even considered keeping you close, not even knowing that he borrowed strength from you. Strength that he needed to turn his back on his past and look forward. Even if it was just a baby step, you were going to cut him some slack and refrain from giving him a piece of your mind. Just seeing him radiate ease, the comfort of a man that had just found light at the end of a dreary and dark tunnel. Shaking his head lightly, he brought your linked hands up to his lips and kissed your hand once again before placing them right over your heart "I would never fathom anyone other than yourself accompanying me on a day like this, my lovely dove." You sighed at the softness of his voice, if only he knew that you really wanted to be 'his' dove and you still had yet to know that he felt the same. Pressing a soft kiss upon your knuckles, a grin stretched on his handsome face, an unmistakable playful glint in his eyes as he simply said "Let's go" and pulled you through the crowds and out of the building you were in. As usual, the man was unpredictable and you never knew what he was up to. When you stood your ground, furrowing your eyes at him and asking him why you even left that small party, he clicked his tongue as you told him that he should enjoy being 'the man of the hour'. That was the last thing that he really wanted. Because he was now truly where he wanted to be and if you were going to fight him on it, then he would have to do it the hard way. Swiftly leaning down, he threw you over his shoulders as he strutted the streets, the resounding click of his oxfords on the pavement joined by the sound of your useless cries. If there was anything that was true, Arthur was able to match you when it came to stubbornness. When you began to kick your legs, whining for him to let you down, you yelped as he tapped your bottom, a sudden cheeky (literally too) gesture and chuckled in response to your mock offended tone. "I thought you were a gentleman!" Feeling him shrug under you, he replied in between his laughter."A small correction, love. I am a playful gentleman." You've finally found your true rival when it came to that but he was the best opponent that you could ever wish for. Finally halting in a quiet corner by La Seine river, Arthur finally let you down on soft grass and comfortably sat by your side, his head falling on your shoulder while his hand sought yours once again, his thumb brushing softly on your skin as he cut through the silence before you could ask, knowing what was on your mind. "As selfish as it may be, I wanted to be the one you watch the full moon with during your time here, love." Lifting his head so he could kiss your temple, turning his body so he could lay his back on the ground, with his head nestled on your thighs. This was a sight that he prayed that he would never lose, seeing you smile down at him with your fingers threaded through his soft unruly waves, eventually lulling his eyes shut as the slumber that he tried to chase away caught up to him. Blinded by his own love for you, he couldn't see the yearning in your eyes as you watched the man you were irrevocably in love with, melt under your touch. Unable to help yourself, you brushed your lips against his forehead, happy to see Arthur at peace, his breathing growing steady as he slowly fell asleep with a smile on his face. You had no idea that he was awake all along, trying to give himself a reason to keep you all to himself before he had to escort you back to the mansion, in the late hours of the night. Still... While you both bathed in the moonlight, your love began to simmer, the glowing embers burning brighter as time went by. –♥–  A/N: I know the some elements in this fic might not be as per what’s in the game but this is how I believe Arthur’s character development would slowly but surely happen.  Tagging: @nafeary @kisara-16 @delicateikemenmemes @theweebrises​ if anyone wants to be tagged or untagged, let me know <3  Please feel free to leave some love in the comments or some feedback!💜 You can also check out my Masterlist !

[hey-its-nonny]

Wishes

Aragorn x reader

okay this will be my last angsty fic i promise

I’m excited to announce that this fic is a collaboration! i wrote this with @wishingtobeinadifferentuniverse and i am super pleased with it!

chap. six of In Between is out, so be sure to check that out. ANYWAYS this is inspired by the song Heather by Conan Gray :)

let the heartbreak commence <3

~~~~~

You woke in a restored Gondor, eyes fluttering open at the beams of golden sunlight seeping through your window. The day you‘d dreaded for months had finally come. It was the day Aragorn was to be wed to his love, Arwen.

You rose, already mourning your loss of your friend and your love. You didn’t know how you could stay, concealed in the dark. Hiding. Ignoring your emotions and acting as if they didn’t exist was a difficult task. But, if it meant Aragorn would be happy, you would try your best, unsure of what might come of it.

Slowly, you slid on your dress, the silky fabric brushing your legs. It was a beautiful gown, one that Arwen had made especially for you. It fit perfectly, snug around your waist and flaring out. In your favorite color, too.

The necklace Aragorn had given you laid heavily on your neck. It felt wrong to be wearing it to this event, but without it, you didn't feel whole.

And with a look in the mirror, you sighed, a saddened smile gracing your lips while you prepared yourself for what would be one of the saddest days of your life.

You thought back to a better time when everything was easier. When your love for Aragorn had bloomed.

It was a cold night. You and Aragorn had gone on yet another adventure together through the hours of the night. After plenty of frolicking and distractions, you’d both agreed that it was time to eat.

You’d decided a warm soup was the way to go, and Aragorn agreed with you on that as well. And while you waited for your meals, you talked around pointless things, avoiding the affection that was blossoming.

You were teasing him, pushing him around, baiting him. When he finally retaliated, he accidentally hit your soup out of your hands. The target for the food? your clothes. Your shirt was covered, and you stifled a laugh while Aragorn looked mortified.

You winced a bit at how hot your soup was, as well as the fact that you could no longer eat it, since it was so elegantly spilled on your shirt.

“Y/N, I am so sorry. Here, let me- I can-” The poor man rambled, looking for a cloth to dry your shirt. You couldn’t help but giggle at how flustered he was, though the fiery wrath of the soup was definitely a contender for your attention.

Yet still, you laughed, opening your bag with a hum. “Aragorn, I’m sure I have a spare shirt in my pa- What? Where is it?” You quietly gasped, Aragorn’s eyes brightening.

“Take mine, Y/N. I have a spare.” He stated, the red on his cheeks dissipating.

Your gentle hands gingerly grasped the shirt as you stood, sharply inhaling at the temperature of the soup. “I’ll be back.”

After a minute or two, you walked over to the table and sat down, cozier than ever in Aragorn’s off-white shirt. You offered a smile and caught Aragorn’s eye, his shocked expression warming your cheeks. “It is a little big, I will admit, but it will do until I get a fresh change of clothing.” You grinned, biting back a smile.

“Keep it.” Aragorn smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling in the slightest and sweetest of ways. “It looks better on you than it looked on me.” He stated, inhaling a breath after stealing another glance at you.

You still had that shirt, after all the time that passed.

Those were fond memories you had of him, but fleeting. You smoothed your dress down and slipped on your shoes. Another memory came to haunt you, the emotions overwhelming.

You were wandering Rivendell when you heard a giggle. You had turned a corner, finding Aragorn, his lips glued to Arwen’s. You cleared your throat, causing them to break apart, looking at you sheepishly.

Arwen spoke softly, “Oh, I am sorry about that. We didn’t know anyone else would come here.” Of course, she didn’t know that Aragorn and you had spent many hours in this same place. You avoided his gaze and hid your emotion, laughing instead.

“Oh I have so many things I could say, but most important of all, I could tell everyone!” You paraded around them, joking of course. They laughed along, not truly seeing how much this hurt you. And you would keep it that way.

The decorations were beautiful. You gazed upon the arch that Aragorn was to be wed under, trailing down the cascading vines and flowers. You counted at least a hundred guests.

If it weren’t for the emotions you felt at the moment, you might have smiled just because of how beautiful everything looked.

The bells rang, signifying that the ceremony would start soon, and you took a sharp breath. Your stomach churned like you were about to face the armies of Mordor alone. But it wasn’t the time to be afraid. It was time to be Aragorn’s friend.

The very man that your thoughts were formed around jogged up to you, handsome as ever. His armor contrasted his eyes beautifully, and the smile he wore made you melt.

“Y/N. Just the woman I wished to see.” He grinned, placing a hand on your shoulder while you returned the smile.

You hummed, straightening your back. “What do you need?” You asked, ready to do whatever he needed.

“A friend.” He replied, indicating that he was nervous.

“You’ll be fine, Aragorn.” You smiled, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Everything will go smoothly, I assure you.”

The man nodded, a dreadful sigh escaping his lips once the bells rang again. Of all the things you’d said today, the three words that left your lips were some of the hardest to get out. “Go get her.”

Once everyone was settled, the ceremony began with Elrond giving Arwen away. You watched Aragorn closely, the way his eyes lit up when Arwen was unveiled, the pure love and devotion he had for her nearly killing you. You had no idea it would be this hard. Tears pricked at your eyes when they kissed and you were glad you could blame it on the “beauty” of the moment.

You watched Aragorn lead Arwen down the aisle, each step a dagger in your chest. No matter how strong you wanted to be for Aragorn, you couldn’t watch this any longer. Your strained smile slowly disappeared as they walked out of sight. You had to get out of there.

So, when he wasn’t looking, you quietly slipped away, allowing the tears to finally fall. What you didn’t know, however, was that he saw you walk away, more confused and worried than ever.

Once you were far enough, you broke into a sprint. You needed to get as far away from there as fast as you could. You slipped your shoes off, the cold and roughness of the stone adding to your anguish. Upon reaching the garden, you sobbed, collapsing onto the stone ground where you once stood. You couldn’t control it. Your shoulders softly shook as you cried, feeling nothing but sorry for yourself. You thought you could watch Aragorn give a special part of himself to Arwen. You really did. But you couldn’t.

And you hated yourself for it. You held your head in your hands, sniffling quietly into the silence. You never got to tell him how much better he made you. You never got to hug him as Arwen would. You never got to laugh at his flirtatious jokes like Arwen would be able to. You never got to kiss him as Arwen would. But then again, why would he ever kiss someone like you? You weren’t even half as pretty as her.

Too lost in your own sorrow, you didn’t hear Aragorn’s footsteps approaching. Something about rangers, they always knew how to stay quiet and test the situation. Upon seeing you, he removed his crown, kneeling beside you with worry written on his sharp features. “Y/n? Y/n, why are you upset?” The worried man asked, gently grasping your trembling shoulders.

You flinched under the touch, shrinking away from the touch. “It is nothing, Mellon. Please, go be with yo- Arwen. Were you not just betrothed?” You asked, wiping away the salty teardrops on your cheeks.

While you stood to leave, Aragorn mimicked your actions, blocking your exit. “Y/n, please. I only wish to help,” He pleaded, following your gaze. He gently grabbed your chin, sending a shiver down your spine while he forced you to look at him.

“Aragorn, please let me go.” You sniffled, lip quivering while your eyes begged him to leave.

Aragorn frowned, giving one final attempt at helping you. He couldn’t know. He could never know. “Was it Arwen? Gandalf? I do not know what could have upset you in such a way.” He frowned, brow creased in worry.

Finally, you couldn’t take it anymore. No more games, or guessing, or hiding from it. You’d tried so hard, only for it all to come crashing down in flames before your eyes. “It’s you, Aragorn!” You cried, hot tears streaming down your cheeks while throwing your hands out.

You laughed a sad laugh, backing away from the man you’d loved for countless years. “It’s always been you.” You croaked weakly, your voice brittle and defeated. Aragorn was still confused. He cautiously stepped forward, taking your hands in his own. “Y/n, what do you mean?” He asked, clearly worried that he’d hurt you in some way.

You shook your head, biting your lip while you trained your gaze on the ground. “Nothing. It’s nothing. Just-” You smiled, shaking your head as you met his gaze. “Just go be with her. You need to be with her.”

But instead of walking away, Aragorn shook his head. “Y/n, we cannot keep circling amongst each other like this. Please, tell me what I’ve done to hurt you.” He pleaded, worry and remorse engraved in his expression.

You took a shaky breath, tearing up once again. “I can’t, Aragorn.” You admitted, the cost of saying the words far more than you were willing to give. “If I do, I will have to leave.” You choked, willing away the tears.

Aragorn sighed, determination set in his jaw. “Whatever you are facing, Y/n, whatever comes, I will face it beside you.” He stated, confidence and truth behind the words. You hated how perfect he was. Always an amazing friend, but not for much longer.

Finally, after a minute of silence, you decided that if you were going to leave Gondor for the rest of your days, you might as well make it memorable. “Forgive me, Aragorn.” You pleaded, leaning in to steal a kiss from Aragorn.

He hummed in surprise, but didn’t back away, eyes fluttering shut. You relished in the feeling, your hand on his warm, stubbly cheek. It was incredible. Until the both of you realized what was happening. You gasped, backing away from the kiss. “I-“ You stammered, quickly going into a panic. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did that.” You breathed, stumbling out of the garden.

You felt like such an idiot. All of the nights wasted in tears rushing back to haunt you as you ran away from the love you’d held onto so dearly. You ran as fast as you could for the forest, clutching the necklace Aragorn had given you. Habit.

Little did you know, Aragorn decided to run after you, desperate to clean up the mess you’d made. You ran, skillfully weaving throughout the trees to lose Aragorn.

Once you thought you were far enough, you leaned against a tree, dirt marks along your arms and legs. That was the last time you would ever see Aragorn. You wasted it. So, you cried. Then you decided you would move on. Start over.

Aragorn approached, careful not to startle you. You looked up, resting your head against the tree with an irritated sigh. “I can’t stay.” You whispered, your defeated tone letting Aragorn know just how much of a toll this took on you.

Aragorn frowned, the glisten of a tear catching your eye. “Why? We can forget it happened, Y/n. We can make this right.” He suggested, a pleading in his voice that you’d only heard a handful of times. It hurt.

“We can’t. I have to leave.” You replied, forcing yourself to look at him. “I love you, Aragorn. I always have and will. Nothing can ever change that. So, unless you have miraculously realized that it is not Arwen, but me you love, which I highly doubt, I’m leaving.” You explained, standing with a sigh, knowing Aragorn would try to follow.

He stood, watching while you unclasped the necklace Aragorn gave you. “Goodbye, Aragorn.” You spoke defeatedly, gently grasping his hands to place the necklace in them.

“Y/n, anything you wish, I will do. Just stay.” He asked one final time, slow tears falling down his cheeks.

You pressed a kiss to his cheek, wiping away his tears with your thumb. “I wish I were Arwen.” And with that, you walked away, thankful that Aragorn didn’t try to follow.

~~~ i LOVED writing this!!! if any of you writers ever wanna collaborate, hmu!!

tags: @eru-vande @thewhiteladyofrohan @from-patroclus-with-love @elvish-sky @lady-latte @entishramblings

[straycat-writes]

i saw that you write for ikemen vampire as well, so if it's alright with you i was wondering if you could write headcanons for mozart, vincent, comte, and arthur with a depressed/suicidal s/o who's main coping mechanism is humor? like they joke abt suicide a lot + make jokes abt feeling shitty when asked since they dont wanna worry anyone much but their jokes start getting increasingly concerning bc its smth i do a lot lol,, u dont need to do this if ur not comfortable.. thx and love your work!!

anon added: wait fuck i just remembered only three characters for headcanons so just do it for mozart, vincent, and arthur. thank u!

notes: Whaaat, come on, you cannot just do my husband dirty like that, of course I’ll do all four 😆 Before we begin, since everyone experiences stuff like this differently, our experiences might not be exactly the same, so these might not be universal. In any case, I hope you feel better 🥺💕

trigger warning(s): depression, mentions of suicide, and suicidal ideation.

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

He did notice the jokes each time, but at first, he didn’t necessarily feel the need to intervene.

Once was alright, he thought you might just have a different sense of humor. Twice was morbid, but he brushed it off. But thrice was downright worrying, and he was starting to suspect something might be wrong.

He observed you make increasingly dark jokes for weeks on end, and brush off anyone who tried to ask you about them, before he decided that enough was enough.

“What is wrong with you?”

It’s a blunt question, completely tactless, but only because he’s actually quite concerned and doesn’t how else to put it. Nonetheless, it catches you off-guard.

“What do you mean?”

He rolls his eyes, “Don’t play dumb with me, (y/n). Have you been spending too much time with shitty Dazai again?”

When you don’t say anything, the scowl on his face melts into a concerned frown. He wants to help, he really does, but it’s hard for someone like him to deal with such heavy feelings, whether his own or someone else’s. After all, words have never been his preferred medium of expression.

So, he decides not to use them. Instead, he envelopes you in a long, silent hug. It’s a little stiff, but when you start crying softy on his shoulder, he gives in and pulls you even closer, gently stroking your hair.

Up until then, you had no idea that the stern, ice-cold Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart could ever feel so…familiarly warm and soft, with his arms around you.

“I’m not asking you to confess anything, (y/n). I’m not even asking you to tell me anything. I…actually have no idea how to fix any of this, but…Just…know that you don’t have to deal with this on your own.”

Vincent van Gogh

Out of everyone, it would probably take Vincent the least time to notice when something is wrong with you.

The morbid humor is one thing, but what really concerns him is how hollow your laugh has started to sound, and the glazed…empty look you get in your eyes when you think no one is looking.

He notices because he knows what to look for, because he has already seen too much of it, in himself.

“(Y/n), sweetheart, are you okay?”

“Hm? Yes, of course, Vincent. Why do you ask?”

“…Why do you think?”

There is a certain look in his eyes, so wistfully sad, as if mourning something he hasn’t even lost yet, and you just know that he knows. There is no use lying to him. In hindsight, you think, you should have known you could hide it from anyone except him.

When a lone tear slips down your cheek, he gently wipes it away and holds your face with both hands, looking into your eyes. To your surprise, and immense pain, his own are glistening with tears too.

“Why didn’t you say anything to me?”

“…Because it’s my problem and I didn’t want to drag you down with me.”

You realize it doesn’t make much sense now when you say it out loud, but you knew he was all too familiar with this complete and utter despair, this emptiness you felt inside of yourself, and you never wanted him to feel it again, even if it was by proxy.

But now, he stands in front of you, hands on either side of your face, and he places a chaste, gentle kiss on your forehead. He doesn’t say anything, but you realize what he means. I’m here. I understand. You’re not alone.

(note: for those who don’t know, Vincent van Gogh committed suicide at the age of thirty-seven.)

Le Comte de Saint-Germain

He is used to the residents of his mansion having…strange sense of humor and habits, honestly.

Even so, when you make a jest about killing yourself for the fifth time in a row, he can’t help but be worried. There are only two explanations, you either just have a very, very dark idea of humor, in which case there was nothing much he could do except gentle advisory, or there was indeed something very wrong.

He keeps hoping it’s not the latter, but days pass and your jokes keep getting more and more morbid, and any attempts to talk to you about the issue are only met with smooth elusiveness.

“I’m only kidding, Comte. Of course, I’m not going to throw myself off the roof. Probably.”

“…I think we need to talk, ma cherie.”

That sentence in itself is enough to scare anyone half to death, and when you have so much to hide, even more so.

The talk is long and tedious, with quite a lot of repressed emotions involved. On your part, first there is the defensive anger. Of course, there isn’t anything wrong, how dare he imply otherwise? Then there is the desperate denial, because ‘ignore the problem until it goes away’, right? Except, this problem isn’t going away on its own, and you both know that.

Finally, there is the reluctant acceptance, and a lot of crying. Throughout this, he is as calm and collected on the outside as he always is, even when you grip the front of his coat and cry in his embrace. You’re barely holding yourself together, so he needs to be your support.

But on the inside, there is a storm raging. You were supposed to be his responsibility. He was the one who brought you here, and he was just watching you wither away like this in front of his eyes? What kind of a person did that make him? Just how much of a failure is he?

“I’m so sorry for not noticing sooner, ma cherie. I have failed you.”

“Wh-what?”

“I was supposed to protect you from everything, including yourself. Evidently, I have failed at that, and my heart aches at the thought of you suffering all on your own. But I intend to rectify my fault a thousand times over.”

You stare up at him with wide eyes, and without a warning, more tears spill.

Arthur Conan Doyle

Peculiar taste of humor is kind of Arthur’s brand. He enjoys his shamelessly perverted jokes, so he assumed you enjoy your dark ones.

Even so, he does get a little worried when he notices how your first instinct to almost anything is self-deprecation and jokes about killing yourself at the slightest provocation, and how you laugh a little too loud and too much when asked about any of it.

The more he notices, the more concerned he gets, and the more confused about just what to do about it.

At first, he tries to deflect your morbid jokes with some of his own, just to see how you would react. But the moment he talks of killing himself, you go pale, asking him to stop with such distress in your voice that he ends up feeling guilty.

But even after that, it doesn’t stop you from doing it yourself.

“Welp, guess I’ll just go drown in a river somewhere.”

“Ahahaha, but consider this, how about you…don’t?”

He’s always so playful, and even fickle that it almost slips your mind that he is a writer, after all, and a very observant one at that. He is intelligent and notices every little thing, even if he doesn’t show it. That includes the fact that your laugh has been sounding more and more empty lately, your smile seeming more and more like fake plastic.

So, when he confronts you about it, it takes you by surprise.

“Whatever do you mean, Arthur? I’m fine.”

“Right…Stop lying to me, (y/n).”

You frown. You should have known how hard it would be to hide anything from Arthur for too long. How long did you really think you could keep up this façade? The realization comes like a slap to the face, and it’s almost like your metaphorical mask drops. You start crying.

He is distressed at the sudden turn of events, but tries his best to console you. As he hugs you to his chest, gently rubbing soothing circles on your back, he wonders if he could have done something to help you sooner.

“Listen, sweetheart. I don’t claim to know what you’re going through, but I do know that you need help. I know I cannot just fix whatever…this is, but I can promise that I’m going to be here with you, through everything”

You laugh bitterly, “It gets ugly.”

“I don’t care.” He shakes his head, “I’m going to be here with you, whether you want me to be or not, and I promise to hold you together as you scream your throat raw trying to hold yourself together, promise to…stand by you as you save yourself. You do not have to do this alone.”

He kisses you softly, only for a moment, soft and true on the lips.

“Show me every dark and hideous, every bitter thing about your soul…and then, let me love you anyway.”

[daresplaining]

Have you ever done a post regarding Elektra and all her love interests in the comics? I know it's done often with DD (and how he is quite the ladies man) but was wondering who she has been romantically involved with in the Marvel Universe.

    I haven’t, and I really should, so thank you for asking! This is one of those questions where the longer I thought about it, the more difficult it became to actually answer, and the reason is this: Elektra tends to be a sexualized character. She is frequently written as something of a femme fatale, and people are constantly lusting after her. This means that in some cases-- especially cases in which Elektra is not the narrator of the story-- it’s difficult to distinguish between Elektra partnering with someone who is attracted to her and Elektra actually being engaged in a romantic relationship. There is a ton of subtext involved in some of her interactions with people, and I will be the first to admit that I’m not the best at decoding romantic subtext. A great example is Agent Garrett from Elektra: Assassin (who I have not included on this list). We are in his head for most of the story, and he is going gaga over Elektra the entire time. On the page, it doesn’t look like she’s reciprocating, but Garrett imagines that she might be, and so you get into this situation where you start to think... maybe they’re being romantic off-panel. Maybe Elektra is actually into him. But since we’re not in her head, and because Garrett is an unreliable narrator, it’s very difficult to parse what is actually going on between them.  

    In any case, here is a list of people with whom I’m pretty confident Elektra has been romantically involved (in roughly chronological order). 

Matt Murdock 

[ID: Elektra and Matt seen from the shoulders up, kissing. Elektra has her arms around Matt’s neck.]

    Obviously, number one on the list is this guy, the college boyfriend, Elektra’s first love, the one that accidentally got her father killed which caused her to become so disillusioned with life that she dropped out of school and became a ninja assassin got away. Elektra is very much her own character and has been for a long time, but she will always-- to some degree-- be defined by her relationship with Matt. This is partly because Matt was a significant player in her origin story, but it’s also because their relationship embodied a happier time, and is something that Elektra has continued to cherish through all of the chaos that she has been through in the years since. Matt serves as a bit of an ideal for her; she will occasionally compare other men she meets to him-- particularly men who she is considering involving herself with. If you want to play Elektra bingo, “Thinks About Matt” should be the free space because it happens at least once per run.  

    I tend to think of Matt and Elektra’s relationship as one of a connection that transcends their actual interactions. Their lives are so intensely paralleled, and their college-era time together was so important to both of them, that they are always present in each other’s lives even when they aren’t physically together. Elektra will frequently show up when Matt needs help-- sometimes in person, sometimes psychically, sometimes just in his imagination. They have shared a lot of closeness and are very important to each other. But they haven’t actually spent that much time together. Elektra was interested in resuming a romantic relationship with Matt immediately after her resurrection, during Chichester’s Daredevil run, but Matt wasn’t in the right emotional place for it. They tried, briefly, to date during Elektra volume 1, but that fell apart right away. Now, in the current DD run, they have started up a relationship-- which is hugely significant after years and years of pining and angst and near-misses. I’m curious to see where this will take them moving forward.     

Tekagi

[ID: Two panels showing Elektra and a burly man embracing in a stream in the moonlight.]

Tekagi (caption): “My past with Elektra? Is that what really troubles you, Genkotsu? It was exotic and intense, yes... but it is also long over!”

    In Elektra: Root of Evil, we learn that during her time training with/infiltrating the Hand, a lonely Elektra had a passionate but brief relationship with one of her teachers, an ambitious (and ultimately bad news) Hand warrior named Tekagi. While they both end up with fond memories of their time together, they also both treat it as being very much in the past. When they meet again as enemies, years later, Elektra doesn’t suffer too much angst about killing him. 

Wolverine

[ID: Elektra and Wolverine, both in costume, are sitting together on a low wall with a Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters sign on the front. Wolverine looks sad; Elektra is embracing him from behind. They are surrounded by green trees.]

    When Logan has the Adamantium ripped out of him and the trauma causes him to revert to a feral, animalistic state, Stick sends Elektra to help him find his way back. This comes at a time when Elektra is also struggling to re-find herself after returning from the dead. Together, the two go on an emotional journey of self-discovery that turns them into very close friends. Since then, they have frequently stepped into each other’s lives for team-ups and to provide emotional support. I have to admit a little ignorance on this one. While Logan’s appearances in Elektra-focused comics appear platonic, I haven’t read many Wolverine comics, and I've gotten the sense through my general Marvel reading that there is a romantic element to Elektra and Logan’s relationship that I just haven’t come across yet, which is why he’s on this list. If any of my followers can clarify this one, please do!

McKinley “Mac” Stewart

[ID: Elektra (in a jacket) is leaning down toward Mac, a beefy guy with a mustache and a ponytail. Her hand is on the side of his face. The scene is tinted dark blue.]

Elektra: “Stop talking. The answer is yes, Matt.”

Mac: “You mean... Mac.”

Elektra: “That’s what I said.”

    Elektra’s first solo series takes place soon after her resurrection, and is centered around her attempts to put her life as an assassin behind her and start anew (spoiler: she fails spectacularly). One of her projects in this new life is a dojo that she founds and funds to give local kids a place to go to receive training and support. Elektra brings in two guys to help run the dojo: a martial artist named King Lau and a heavyweight boxer named Mac Stewart. Mac quickly develops an attraction toward Elektra, and while she at first hesitates to accept his advances for personal baggage-related reasons, she eventually ends up engaging in what seems to be a mostly physical relationship with him. However, this relationship doesn’t receive much development. Most of their interactions happen off-panel or in the background of the main plot, Elektra almost ditches him for Matt at one point, and when the series ends, Mac is in a coma thanks to an attack by the Hand and (to my knowledge) never appears again.       

Frank Castle

[ID: Elektra and Frank are sitting across from each other at a diner-style table, drinking out of the same cup with straws. They are pointing weapons (sai and gun) at each other under the table.]

    Elektra and Frank have tended to run in the same circles, kill the same types of people, etc. and through encountering each other and learning each other’s reputations, they end up developing a healthy admiration for each other. Frank asks Elektra to train him, in recognition of her superior skills. This blossoms into a romance that lasts throughout their time working together on the Thunderbolts team (she gives him the heart of a mobster she killed and he gets it bronzed... it's very sweet). They end up having a (verbal and physical) fight and breaking up at the end of the run, though they still seem to be on fairly good terms.

Stephen Strange 

[ID: Elektra and Doctor Strange, both in costume, are kissing in front of the big window in the Sanctum Sanctorum. A full moon is rising over the buildings behind them.]

    This is new! Elektra and Stephen are currently working together on Conan-related shenanigans in Savage Avengers, and a few issues ago they slept together. For the moment, they both seem to be treating it as a casual one-time thing, but time will tell if that remains true.   

[wisteria-lodge]

Character Analysis - Sorting Sherlock Holmes (Sir Arthur Conan Doyle)

a quick note on why I’m moving away from the HP terminology

So @sortinghatchats is brilliant. Absolutely my favorite character (and person!) analysis system. Instead of one house, you get two - a PRIMARY (your motivation, why you do things), and a SECONDARY (your toolbox, how you get things done.) A very stripped down refresher --

IDEALIST PRIMARY Lion/Gryffindor - I do what I feel is right. (MORAL) Bird/Ravenclaw - I do what I decide is correct. (LOGICAL) LOYALIST PRIMARY Badger/Hufflepuff - I do what helps my community (PEOPLE MATTER) Snake/Slytherin - I do what helps me/my inner circle (MY PEOPLE MATTER)

IMPROVISATIONAL SECONDARY Lion/Gryffindor- Charge! React! Smash the system! Snake/Slytherin- Transform, adapt, find the loophole. BUILT SECONDARY Bird/Ravenclaw - Plan, make tools, gather information. Badger/Hufflepuff - Community-build, caretake, call in favors.

Now let’s talk Sherlock Holmes!!!

***

Mycroft Holmes has a terrifying Bird secondary. He knows everything. He sees everything. He holds all the information in his head, all the time, and can tell you exactly how it connects. “Spymaster Mycroft” didn’t become proper fanon until 1970: in the books he’s more like a human computer, or a Mentat from Dune. This man is incapable of improvising. He hates casual conversation, hates changing his routine, just wants to sit and process and plan. He is the cartoon version of a Bird secondary.  

Mycroft is so insanely ‘big picture’ that he barely notices specific individuals. He’s off in in the corner thinking about currency regulation and the situation in Siam. In “The Greek Interpreter” he hears about a woman who might be starving to death… and sort of vaguely puts it on his to-do list. Sherlock ends up handling it.

You could make a case for either a Bird or Lion primary. But I’m going with Lion. Mycroft values instinct like Lions do (”All my instincts are against this explanation.”) And Sherlock describes him as someone who “would rather be considered wrong than take the trouble to prove himself right.” This is teasing, but it’s a joke about a Lion who just sort of feels the answer, not a Bird who needs a reason to be correct. Mycroft’s Cause, the one we see him respond to emotionally, is the smooth functioning of his world. He has a little pocket carved out for his brother, but if he had to choose between the country that he embodies and Sherlock Holmes’ well-being, it’d be England every time.

Knowing that Mycroft has that much power but doesn’t care about individual people makes Sherlock... uncomfortable. It takes him a while to even mention his brother to Watson. And then he lies about how important Mycroft’s job is. Thematically, this where Moriarty comes in. James Moriarty – the older genius hiding deep in the establishment, running a criminal empire from behind a tenured professorship, never getting his hands dirty – is Dark Mycroft. Because Sherlock is pretty sure his brother is one of the good guys. He’s pretty sure Mycroft isn’t going to break bad and go full-on ‘ends justify the means’ supervillain.

But… like… he could.

Sherlock Holmes is also defined by his Bird secondary. His deductions, data, knowledge of crime – it’s his loudest trait. But it’s a model. He tells us it’s a model. This “habit of observation and inference which I formed into a system” is something he built – and honestly, he probably built it for Mycroft. The Holmes brothers don’t do conversations, they have deduction games. Sherlock never wins, but at least he plays on Mycroft’s level.

(Everything about Sherlock Holmes makes more sense when you think about Mycroft. Like the “brain-attic” metaphor. How did Sherlock get this idea that there’s some fast-approaching limit to the actual pieces of information he can fit in his head at once? Because he knows someone with far, far greater processing power).

Underneath this logical Bird secondary model, Sherlock Holmes has something that looks a lot more Snake He’s moody and mercurial. He improvises on the violin to help himself think. He loves acting. He loves disguises. He crushes on Irene Adler because their Snake secondaries have so much fun playing together. And when it’s important, Holmes goes full-on Snake. Need to get Watson away from Moriarty? Better forge a letter sending him on a fake errand.

And as far as primaries go...  he’s a Badger. Sherlock Holmes cares about people. Oh wow does he care about people. If he doesn’t protect his client, it’s not a win – even if he solved the case with some brilliant bit of detection. He despises blackmailers, because they destroy lives in a cold, impersonal way. (At least murderers care.) He doesn’t mean to upset people with his deductions, and apologizes when he gets too coldly Bird: “Pray accept my apologies. Viewing the matter as an abstract problem, I had a forgotten how personal and painful a thing it might be to you.” When Watson talks about the “depth of loyalty and love which lay behind that cold mask,” Holmes is thirty seconds away from going vigilante killer because somebody hurt John Watson.

But the feeling isn’t just Watson-centric. Holmes doesn’t require Watson at his side the way a Snake would, because as long as he knows Watson is safe and happy, he is content. Holmes need-bases. It’s important that he works for people who need him. He generally dislikes working for the rich or upper-class (Soviet Russian Sherlock Holmes was totally a thing, they didn’t have to change much). He also has a *real* problem with overworking himself, which is very much a Badger primary and not Snake primary thing to do

He even community-builds. His Baker Street Irregulars, his connections over at Scotland yard, his tribe of interesting contacts and informants. Holmes values community. To him, community = safe. He loves London, but isolated rural areas makes him nervous:

“[in London] there is no lane so vile that the scream of a tortured child, or the thud of a drunkard’s blow, does not beget sympathy and indignation among the neighbors, and then the whole machinery of justice is ever so close that a word of complaint can set it going... But look at these lonely houses, each in its own fields… think of the deeds of hellish cruelty, the hidden wickedness which may go on, year in, year out, in such places, and none the wiser.”

And don’t get me wrong. Holmes loves his double Bird armor. It makes him feel powerful, and hides the fact that he cares so damn much. He likes to pretend he doesn’t: to care is to be weak, ineffective, and untrustworthy. (Mycroft is probably to blame for this bit of thinking too.) But Sherlock Holmes is still able to take off his Bird. He takes it off around Watson. 

Dr. John Watson is a bright charging Lion secondary who is completely incapable of telling a lie. He’s ex-military. He’s Holmes’ muscle/backup. He’s got a gambling problem. And the thing about Holmes and Watson’s dynamic is that while Holmes calls the shots about 90% percent of the time, when it’s important – Watson goes full unstoppable-force Lion. And Holmes just buckles.

“Well, I don’t like it ; but I suppose it must be,” said I. “When do we start?” “You are not coming.” “Then you are not going,” said I. “I give you my word of honor – and I never broke it in my life – that I will take a cab straight to the police station and give you away unless you let me share this adventure with you” “You can’t help me.” “How do you know that? You can’t tell what may happen. Anyway, my resolution is taken.” Holmes had looked annoyed, but his brow cleared, and he clapped me on the shoulder. “Well, well, my dear fellow, be it so.”

Watson’s absolutely a Lion Primary too. First going into medicine, then joining the army even when that’s not the best career move? At the beginning of A Study in Scarlet, Watson is in terrible shape. Can’t sleep. Can’t stand loud noises. He’s “spending such money as I had considerably more freely than I ought.” But it’s not so much the PTSD as it is the the lack of purpose that’s getting to him. He talks a lot about his “meaningless existence” and how how “objectiveless was my life.” That’s a hurting, burned Lion, without a Cause.

And then Sherlock Holmes stumbles in. Overnight Watson’s life has meaning. He is going to help Holmes bring criminals to justice. He is going to make sure Holmes gets the recognition he deserves. And he’s going to get him clean. (ACD gets massive kudos for being against recreational cocaine and morphine use). The things Watson loves about Holmes, things like his “high sense of professional honor” – those are things that get under the skin of a Lion Primary. This is a guy with pictures of abolitionist preachers framed on his wall. John Watson’s not subtle. 

“You don’t mind breaking the law?” [said Holmes] “Not in the least.” “Nor running a chance of arrest?” “Not in a good cause.” “Oh, the cause is excellent!” “Then I am your man.”

And of course, Holmes got lucky in Watson too. Holmes is a Loyalist primary who distrusts other Loyalist primaries – you can’t really blame him, he comes across so many repulsive ones in his day job. (Interestingly, the handful of times Holmes absolutely misreads a motive – “Yellow Face,” “Missing Three-Quarter,” “Scandal in Bohemia” – it’s because he’s going up against a Loyalist primary who is using their powers for good.) 

But Watson is a trustworthy, dependable, predicable, honorable, Idealist who can  look like a Loyalist because his Cause is so focused on one person. So Holmes can be secure in his doctor’s devotion while also getting to lean on the instincts of someone just unflinchingly moral.

tl;dr

Mycroft Holmes – Lion Bird. An extremely big picture Lion whose Cause involves keeping England together. He’s the light-side counterpart of Professor Moriarty.

Sherlock Holmes – Badger Snake. Builds a loud Double Bird model, partly for pleasure, partly have a relationship with his brother, and partly because dealing with so many low-life Loyalist primaries makes him distrust those instincts in himself.

Dr. John Watson - Double Lion. When we meet him he’s pretty burned, due to his twin Causes of Queen and Country not really working out. Luckily, he meets Sherlock Holmes, and finds a new Cause in him.

[doomedandstoned]

Top 10 Albums Of The 2010′s

~By Calvin Lampert~

I think it is safe to say that underground metal has enjoyed a period of unprecedented growth and popularity in the last 10 years. But when I am saying this I am not only thinking about the heavy underground; those adherents of the Sabbath sound and this whole new wave of doom metal bands. I am thinking of the fact that (underground) metal has undergone a change in image, too.

Though frequently maligned as hipster bands (or metal for people who don't like metal), acts like Deafheaven have brought metal to a whole new audience and raised awareness of the genre as a genuine form of art that does not just exist for its own sake; that metal fans only go for gore, beer and self-referential horn-throwing. Not that Neurosis and Godflesh haven’t been ambassadors of this mindset for more than three decades already, but it feels that the understanding of metal as art seems to have finally broken through to an audience outside of the traditional metal subculture in the past decade.

I think it is in no small part thanks to some of the bands on this list I have assembled (though I may have forgone obvious picks like Alcest and Deafheaven for more personal choices). And in retrospect, it should’ve been a list of bands rather than records, as most of the artists on this list would’ve have had a claim to a spot on here, with any record they put out. Take that as a hurray for consistency. So, without further ado, my picks for the best and most remarkable records of the decade.

10. Akhlys – 'The Dreaming I' (Debemur Morti - 2015)

The Dreaming I by Akhlys

I can’t help but wonder if Naas Alcameth of AKHLYS (also of Nightbringer, Aoratos and Bestia Arcana) set out with the express intent to create what is essentially a nigh perfect atmospheric black metal record when he started working on The Dreaming I. It damn sure feels like, each strum, syllable, and beat sits at the right place; the pieces of this nightmarish puzzle fit with an unsettling ease.

Photograph by by Kuba Leszko

The sound really does justice to the underlying concept of dreams and nightmares, as you’ll rarely find a record with such an impenetrable atmosphere. Once you hit play you’re soon enveloped by countless layers of swirling guitars, all at the command of Naas Alcameth, and he seems hellbent on suffocating you with them. The Dreaming I is about as close as you can get sleep paralysis-made-music. If you put off black metal as spooky noise made by a bunch hooded esoteric nerds you might’ve found your match in Akhlys. They are just that, they’re dead serious, and the results are impressive.

9. Elephant Tree – 'Elephant Tree' (Magnetic Eye Records - 2016)

Elephant Tree by Elephant Tree

I’ve observed myself growing increasingly apart from most stoner rock as of late, sometimes even antagonizing the genre. I’m afraid I’m just burned out on it and grown embittered, so a record from those genres ending up on my Albums of the Decade list should give you a hint of just how special it really is.

That is not to say that there haven’t been some real stoner rock heavy hitters this decade, such as Gozus Revival, Valley of the Suns Sayings of the Seers or Lo-Pans Salvador, but there’s something to ELEPHANT TREE's self-titled record that just so narrowly sets it apart from the others.

Photograph by Phil Smithies

What that is I am still not quite sure, and I had my fair share of relistens. Maybe it is the tasteful balance act of the production that makes this record so wonderfully ethereal but also ridiculously crushing. Or the sleek as all hell songwriting where every hook fires but the flow remains impeccable. Or the gorgeous harmonic interplay of Jack Townley and Pete Hollands vocals. Or maybe really just the sum of it all.

Whatever it is, Elephant Tree get it so very right and it is a true joy to behold such a well-written and fine-tuned record in a genre that has become all too prone to shoddiness and idle Kyuss worship. If there is any justice in the world, Elephant Tree will be looked back as a classic of the genre.

8. Oranssi Pazuzu – 'Värähtelijä' (Svart Records/20 Buck Spin - 2016)

Värähtelijä by Oranssi Pazuzu

So many have tried to do it. Countless chonged out Hendrix worshippers. Australian neo-psych darlings. But they all failed. Turns out the holy grail of psychedelia was dug up by a bunch of dudes in the frozen wastes of Finland when they decided to throw together black metal and almost every imaginable psych rock permutation under the firmament. Absolute insanity inducing balls-to-the-wall trippiness ensues.

ORANSSI PAZUZU is their name, ego-death squared in hyperspace is their game and Värähtelijä is the latest in a slew of attempts to smear your brain across the event horizon, and their most accomplished one so far. Think Hawkwind trying to interpret the soundtrack of Interstellar with a guy being spaghettified by a black hole screaming on top of it. Huge, plodding riffs and spacey synth fuckery abound.

Film by Shelby Kray

This madness extends to their live shows, yours truly (being completely sober) suffered a sensory overload when they launched into the crescendo of the album opener "Saturaatio" at Roadburn 2016. This band is taking things to the next level, and something tells me that Värähtelijä is just another chapter in an increasingly maddening venture.

7. Conan – 'Blood Eagle' (Napalm Records - 2014)

You can’t really draw a picture of the doom scene in the '10s without CONAN. And I do mean that in quite the literal sense, as seemingly every self-respecting doom fan seems to own at least one Conan shirt and you can’t really go to a gig without seeing one.

By all accounts the band probably could’ve retired years ago and just live off those rad merch designs. But Conan knows no rest -- always writing, always touring, always scheming. Thus the band has fed a steady stream of releases to a cult-like following over the years and narrowing down the output of such an important band to just one record is no small task. My choice eventually fell on the fan favorite, 2014's Blood Eagle.

Photograph by Sally Townsend

Conan had already pretty much established themselves as the emergent sludge-doom act of the decade at that time, but as we know they’re not one to rest on their laurels and Blood Eagle was just them driving the point home and the stake deeper, solidifying a grasp on the scene that hasn’t waned ever since, and they did it oh so righteously, by the primordial might of tonal displacement and drop F glory.

Conan might have the closest thing to a universal doom appeal because they speak to your baser instincts. Songs like "Foehammer" or "Total Conquest" seem like trebuchets aimed at the synapses of your reptilian brain, and I can’t help but admire these noble DIY barbarians, who so deservedly have carved out their place in the canon of the genre.

6. SubRosa – 'More Constant than the Gods' (Profound Lore - 2013)

More Constant Than The Gods by SubRosa

SUBROSA was one of a kind. If one band calling it quits this decade broke my heart, it was them. But before doing so they gifted us three outstanding post-metal records, whose folk and chamber music flourishes felt completely unique, intimate, and anachronistic in a genre dominated by more vast and spacious narratives. They reached inward rather than outward and did so with a no-parts-wasted mentality.

In a world rife with one-trick bands, SubRosa's employ of multiple vocalists and two electric violins felt natural and unabashedly non-gimmicky, and they would reveal the true potential of their sound on 2013's harrowingly beautiful More Constant than the Gods.

Photograph by Alyssa Herrman

More Constant is remarkable for its elegant and restrained way of instilling dread. Hardly any harsh vocals, the tempo never goes beyond a steady stride, just those horrific and yet also beautiful violins, plodding guitars, and downright poetic lyrics. And SubRosa seem to feel right at home on either terrain, be it the skin-crawling lead guitar line of "Affliction" or the grandiose outro section of "Fat of the Ram." One can only hope that SubRosa will return one day. A band that was truly novel, and not just a novelty.

5. Tchornobog – 'Tchornobog' (Fallen Empire / I, Voidhanger - 2017)

TCHORNOBOG is many things. Among others, a dark, ancient Slavic deity. In the world of music, a monolithic amalgamation of extreme metal, some Eldritch chimera of cavernous black, death, and doom metal. And the beast of one Markov Soroka, though him stating that the Tchornobog inhabits his head begs the question who might really be in charge?

Photograph by Nona Limmen

Soroka does indeed seem to be guided by spirits since he started the project at the age 14, and eight years of gestation and arduous work culminated in one of the most engrossing, all-consuming records I have come across this decade. Far be it from me to reduce Tchornobog’s remarkability down to the young age of its creator, but Sorokas ambition and execution of those ambitions could run circles around a lot of veteran extreme metal bands. The man is just flat out talented. And that is not even taking his various other projects (Drown, Aureole, Krukh) into account, or his curation work through his own label, Vigor Deconstruct.

As such, Tchornobog ultimately is, among many other things, a bright spotlight shining on a young man who has all the makings of being the next big underground metal mastermind. I’m sure you’ll be inclined to agree as soon as Soroka brings out the grand piano and saxophone on "III: Non-Existence’s Warmth (Infinite Natality Psychosis)" to perform what I’d like to call Lovecraftian Lounge Music. He must have a thing for Demilich too, judging from those song titles.

4. Hell – 'III' (Lower Your Head / Pesanta Urfolk - 2012)

Hell III by Hell

There is a subtle power in melodies, particularly melancholic and sad ones. Doom, and more specifically funeral doom, have long since sought to harness the power of the melody, but I think nobody has been quite as effective or moved me so profoundly with a simple plucked melody as MSW, the singular mind of HELL.

Just one minute into Mourn, the opening (and penultimate) track of Hell III), I am already instilled with a deep sense of melancholy, but also foreboding doom. However, few songs can just thrive from having a good riff or lead -- and there’s 17 minutes yet to go. I’ll spoil you and say that in this time Hell shifts between doom, black metal, neoclassical music, and dark ambient. That’s a lot of territory to cover and it becomes apparent that for how meticulously well crafted its individual parts are, MSW never loses sight of the bigger picture and the transitions between these different sounds are seamless.

Film by Billy Goate

At the danger of sounding like a huge fucking nerd, I really am more inclined to refer to "Mourn" and its follow up "Decedere" as movements rather than songs and if the songwriting doesn’t clue you in you’ll be persuaded by the time Decedere breaks out the operatic vocals and a flute accompanied by a string ensemble. And no matter if he’s performing a contemplative acoustic piece or pounding you in the ground with some absolutely hellish (the band name is apt as can be) blackened doom, MSW always manages to maintain an aura of grandeur. MSW is not just a great songwriter, he’s a veritable composer, and III is his magnum opus.

3. Mizmor – 'Yodh' (Gilead Media - 2016)

Yodh by מזמור

If whatever has come before was bleak, then Yodh is pitch fucking black. This decade hasn’t lacked in dark records (not even taking metal into account -- Mount Eerie's A Crow Looked at Me, Nick Cave’s Skeleton Tree, or The Caretakers Everywhere at the End of Time), but taking on existential dread specifically (and thereby becoming a vessel for it) MIZMOR's Yodh remains unsurpassed in its sheer effectiveness to instill said dread in the listener and is possibly the most harrowing record of the last 10 years.

Photo by Kento Woolery

As befits the theme, Yodh genuinely sounds like the work of a broken man. A miserable slab of glacial funeral doom and grimy black metal, but delivered with a brute strength and conviction that really suggests more defiance than self-pity. I’d be remiss to not point out ALN's incredibly varied vocal performance, ranging from wretched snarls and air-starved bellows to what I can only describe as pterodactyl shrieks, all carrying the same biting vitriol as the instrumentals.

Film by Shelby Kray

Yet for all its doom and gloom, Yodh surprises with occasional moments of tenderness and outright (if melancholic) beauty, too, such as the acoustic intro of "II: A Semblance Waning" or the massive main riff of "III: The Serpent Eats Its Tail" that feels like the sort of thing Pallbearer would’ve come up with if they had been more into Mournful Congregation than Warning.

All these things combined with thoughtful, introspective lyrics make Yodh into an incredibly powerful and downright visceral record, and if for you the main draw of doom metal lies its emotional potency (as it does for me) then Yodh is an essential listen. Let ALN shout down the very pillars that uphold your personal beliefs of life’s meaning.

2. Pallbearer – 'Sorrow and Extinction' (Profound Lore - 2012)

Sorrow And Extinction by Pallbearer

Warning was the first band to try to bridge the gap between traditional and modern doom metal, and while Watching from a Distance might have a fair claim to be one of the saddest metal records out there, in my eyes it was PALLBEARER who took that formula even further and perfected it with their 2011 debut Sorrow and Extinction. To me, it’s a classic record in both senses. A landmark of post-millennium doom and a throwback to the days of yore, when Saint Vitus and Candlemass were in charge of bumming everyone out; while still maintaining the larger-than-life-feel and sonic heft of modern doom championed by bands like Yob or Neurosis.

Photo by Sally Townsend

But Sorrow and Extinction isn’t just some roided up epic doom sans the operatic vocals, Pallbearer are far too clever to suffer such a pitfall. Granted, Sorrow sounds huge, and while there’s plenty of the heavy stuff to go around what makes Sorrow so great is how catchy it is. There is no weak song on this record (admittedly there’s only five), and while most bands could only hope to one day write a riff as good as "Devoid of Redemption's" main theme, it seems like Pallbearer just comes up with them on a whim, and their ability to do so doesn’t seem to have faded three records into their career -- not even to speak of Brett Campbell's soulful lyrics and passionate delivery.

Film by Billy Goate

Then, of course, there’s the amazing guitar interplay between Campbell and Devin Holt, chiefly on the casket closer "Given to the Grave," whose second half essentially boils down to them constantly trading dramatic leads with each other like the world's most woeful ping pong game.

Sorrow and Extinction is not only a deeply moving yet utterly anthemic record, but also one that successfully marries the past and the present of doom. In that regard, it is a preciously rare and so far unsurpassed record.

1. YOB – 'Clearing the Path to Ascend' (Neurot Records - 2014)

Clearing The Path To Ascend by YOB

Writing about metal without resorting to superlatives is hard. Try to practice restraint in the presence of something whose very nature lacks restraint. I am definitely guilty of that lack of restraint; one has only got to scroll up again to confirm it. But luckily some records are so very superlative that I do not have to take that editorial high road and can fire all the “mosts” and “-ests” at will. In fact, they almost require you to use them. Clearing the Path to Ascend by YOB is one such record. Even among all these preceding superlative records it stands above and beyond.

Photo by Angelique Le Marchand

Clearing the Path to Ascend is so vast, it feels singular. It is one and it is all. When I think larger-than-life sound, Clearing comes to mind first. It has become the very benchmark with which I measure other records. Yob's big and beautiful only consists of four tracks, but they made each feel like a distinct part of a greater journey. "In Our Blood" opens with a recording of Alan Watts telling you it is "time to wake up," before the song slowly rises into a stretched-out draw and crash, eventually unfurling into a manic guitar line.

"Nothing to Win" feels like Yob's own take on Neurosis’ Through Silver in Blood. It is an unrelenting, steady 11-minute march down a highway of broken glass, utterly windswept and viciously hopeless. "Unmask the Spectre" seems to tread similarly bitter paths but manages to wrestle itself free into two grandiose spiraling crescendos.

Film by Billy Goate

The death knell of an album closer that is "Marrow" shouldn’t really need much of an introduction at this point. It still feels like I’ll see a link, post or share of it every other day. It has become an omnipresence in the doom scene, and deservingly so. Yob dials back on the gloom and shines all the brighter. "Marrow" is not just hopeful; it is downright ecstatic and by the time Mike Scheidt launches into the grand solo of the track (so very gracefully accompanied by a Hammond organ played by producer Billy Barnett) has ascended to a genuine sermon.

Though Clearing had its fair share of dark moments "Marrow" closes the record on a remarkably conciliatory note and I really think that speaks of Yob as a (metal) band. Call it a big move to offer closure -- a fitting end to such a big record. One that suits the title of ‘Album of the Decade,’ and embodies the spirit of metal that wants to be just more.

Calvin's Choice: 100 Best of the Decade

YOB - Clearing the Path to Ascend

Pallbearer - Sorrow and Extinction

Mizmor - Yodh

Hell - Hell III

Tchornobog - Tchornobog

SubRosa - More Constant Than The Gods

Conan - Blood Eagle

Oranssi Pazuzu - Värähtelijä

Elephant Tree - Elephant Tree

Akhlys - The Dreaming I

Clutch - Earth Rocker

Merkstave - Merkstave

Gozu - Revival

Chelsea Wolfe - Pain Is Beauty

Valley of the Sun - The Sayings of the Seers

Inter Arma - Paradise Gallows

Thou - Heathen

Om - Advaitic Songs

Bell Witch - Mirror Reaper

All Them Witches - Dying Surfer Meets His Maker

Horn of the Rhino - Weight of Coronation

Boss Keloid - Melted on the Inch

KALEIKR - Heart Of Lead

Jeremy Irons & The Ratgang Malibus - Spirit Knife

Woman is the Earth - Torch of Our Final Night

Weyes Blood - Titanic Rising

LINGUA IGNOTA - Caligula

Queens of the Stone Age - ...Like Clockwork

Messa - Feast for Water

Anna von Hausswolff - Dead Magic

Mamiffer - The World Unseen

Samothrace - Reverence to Stone

Primitive Man - Scorn

Fórn - The Departure of Consciousness

Khemmis - Absolution

Bongripper - Miserable

High on Fire - De Vermis Mysteriis

UN - Sentiment

Cult of Luna - Mariner

Slomatics - Future Echo Returns

MISTHYRMING - Söngvar elds og óreiðu

Dvne - Asheran

Earth - Primitive and Deadly

Mars Red Sky - Apex III (Praise For The Burning Soul)

The Midnight Ghost Train - Cypress Ave.

Panopticon - Panopticon - Roads to the North

Mare Cognitum - Phobos Monolith

Sólstafir - Ótta

Have a Nice Life - The Unnatural World

Furia - Ksi��życ Milczy Luty

Tardigrada - Emotionale Ödnis

Yellow Eyes - Immersion Trench Reverie

Stoned Jesus - Seven Thunders Roar

Höstblod - Mörkrets Intåg

Ulver - The Assassination of Julius Caesar

Zola Jesus - Okovi

Funereal Presence - Achatius

Wormlust - The Feral Wisdom

Daughters - You Won't Get What You Want

L'Acephale - L'Acéphale

40 Watt Sun - The Inside Room

Vilkacis - Beyond the Mortal Gate

Bossk - Audio Noir

Carpenter Brut - Trilogy

Sumac - What One Becomes

Death Grips - Exmilitary

Red Fang - Murder the Mountains

Lo-Pan - Salvador

Whores. - Gold

Truckfighters - Universe

Greenleaf - Trails & Passes

Bölzer - Aura

Monolord - Vaenir

Dead to a Dying World - Elegy

The Body - I Shall Die Here

Mutoid Man - War Moans

Neurosis - Fires Within Fires

Opeth - Pale Communion

Planning for Burial - Below the House

Triptykon - Melana Chasmata

Graveyard - Hisingen Blues

Saor - Aura

Windhand - Grief's Infernal Flower

Egypt - Endless Flight

Emma Ruth Rundle - Marked For Death

Deafheaven - Sunbather

Kadavar - Kadavar

Uncle Acid & the Deadbeats - Blood Lust

Vanum - Ageless Fire

Dai-Ichi - Dai-Ichi

Lord Mantis - Pervertor

Ne Obliviscaris - Portal Of I

Loss - Horizonless

Tome of the Unreplenished - Innerstanding

Elder - Lore

Witch Mountain - Cauldron of the Wild

Ahab - The Giant

Alcest - Kodama

The Dillinger Escape Plan - Dissociation

Sleep - The Sciences

[backtodc]

As fun as it is to throw salt at Gosho I think this could be a good time to talk about some good DC cases. So, which are your top ten cases so far?

Hmmm, this took some thought–presented chronologically because I couldn’t pick preferential order XP

Billion Yen Robbery (013-016): Even disregarding its long-term impact on the plot, this case on its own had a good twist in how Akemi disguised herself and the lies she told to track down her robbery partners. I’m always a fan of people, rather than going for big heavy-duty disguises, just using little details of makeup and presentation to completely change their appearance. Ran’s big heart was evident in this case and how strongly she felt about “Masami”‘s safety after just meeting her twice, and this one also what is still one of my favourite ninja-Ran moments to date. Potential kidnapper/murderer across the street? Maybe we should call the police, or run down the stairs OR I GUESS WE COULD JUMP OUT OF A FIRST FLOOR WINDOW AND CHASE HIM ACROSS THE STREET AND DO A FLYING KICK TO DESTROY HIS CAR WINDOW AND ALSO HIS NOSE

Akemi’s death opens up a shitton of plot, and, despite how it gets slightly overused later on (not quite to “did you know Bruce Wayne’s parents got murdered” levels but definitely a biiiiit overused) it’s still one of the most genuinely tragic deaths, especially since Shinichi admitted his real name to her to try and offer her some comfort as she died. TEARS Q_Q

A Haunted Mansion Murder Case (017-019): The case that introduced the Ayumi, Mitsuhiko and Genta. I always think of this one quite fondly. It had a genuinely creepy atmosphere–the “haunted” mansion looks the right side of cliche-creepy, especially once it turns out there’s actually someone around, and honestly I can forgive the incidents of the kids wandering off alone and vanishing because they’re six, of course they’re gonna do silly shit like wander off alone in a haunted mansion. And the truth of the matter is something that’s vanishingly rare in Detective Conan, something I wish we saw more often: a crime of passion. 

There’s no clever trick to the murder: the son, Akio, just loses the rag under a torrent of verbal abuse and smashes his father’s head in with a candlestick. There’s no clever trick to the cover-up, either; his mother messed with the crime scene a bit and reported it as a robbery, and given that the family’s obviously very wealthy, money probably changed hands if any investigating officer did think to suspect anything other than a robbery. All she’s thinking about is protecting her son from the consequences of his crime; all he can think about is his guilt and horror over the murder he committed. The case goes from genuinely creepy to honestly tragic. It’s a proper emotional story, and at no point do any six-year-olds have to witness a human corpse, which I’m always in favour of. And I like Genta, Mitsuhiko and Ayumi and I’m glad they were introduced shut the fuck up

The Hatamoto Family Case (020-025): This was another case with good creepy atmosphere, a solid closed circle situation, classic big fucked-up family situation but at the heart of it, Natsue and Takeshi are a genuinely sweet couple who really don’t deserve all this bullshit and you spend the case really hoping for them to be safe and things to turn out okay for them, the traumatic deaths of several close relatives aside. The murderer is pretty sad, though I feel like Gosho intended him to be more sympathetic than he actually was–he certainly could’ve done with less abuse from his grandfather and been allowed to emotionally invest in his art more, but the cousins thing aside, murdering multiple people over a girl you’ve never even approached marrying somebody else with whom she’s had an actual relationship and is in love with is… not sympathetic. But I’m also glad that the nice chef uncle came out alright too, and that all three of the sympathetic family members reappeared in later cases since they were all very likeable characters. 

Moonlight Sonata (062-067): This one sticks in a lot of people’s minds, and I think it’s for the same reason that the haunted mansion case sticks in mine; atmosphere. This is another one with a good, genuinely creepy atmosphere from the immediate sense of “small town with a dark secret” we get as soon as the Mouri Detective Agency arrives on the island. Gosho was very good at building these atmospheres once upon a time, I would’ve liked to see him write a horror manga. The case is deeply tragic from start to finish, from the murders of the Asoh family, to the fact that Seiji/Narumi got the idea for the “curse” from playing a funeral song for a man who’d just had a heart attack after admitting to murdering their family, to the complex nature of Dr Asai’s grief and guilt that they felt the need to avenge their family but simultaneously called for a detective in the hopes that they’d be stopped, to their suicide at the end because they can’t live with what they felt obligated to do. There are Gosho’s usual… issues… with gender, and given the bigotry that became obvious later he probably had no clue at all what he was doing with Dr Asai’s gender, but I feel like they weren’t handled unkindly for an AMAB character living as a woman? I could be wrong and I wanna open this one up to the trans folk in the audience because I’ve never found a trans fan’s commentary on Dr Asai and how they think they were handled, but goddamn I still cry thinking of their suicide at the end and I appreciate that this was a one-off case that had a visible long-term emotional impact on Conan.

Magic Lovers’ Murder Case (192-196): As well as being an interesting murder involving some quite sympathetic characters, this is a really good case for seeing what Kaitou Kid’s like under the mask (or was like; I feel like he’s lost depth since this?) as expressed through Katsuki Doito. He came along to investigate suspicious user activity, but he joined the magic-lovers’ forum because he is a nerd for stage magic and stage magicians and enjoys nerding out about stage magic and stage magicians. He gets to unapologetically fanboy over his late father with other magicians, with is pretty goddamn cute imo. He also gets to show off knowledge and fondness for other magicians, and his knowledge of magic tricks is useful in solving the case, even though, by his own admission, he’s no detective, and it led to tragedy. We don’t really see how Kid felt about being unable to prevent that murder, since he was still being played as pretty mysterious at the time, but it was a good choice for his second appearance in DC imo since it cemented him as Not A Bad Dude. Also, Conan gets to be one of Those Shonen Protagonists by running across a burning bridge, which, y’know, is always cheesy, but also always kinda cool (the artwork was particularly effective imo)

Twilight Mansion (299-302): I genuinely enjoyed the gathering of the knock-off famous detectives and was pleasantly surprised by Hakuba’s appearance (back when I still held out hope that that kind of thing meant that Kid would get more involved in the plot). The mansion itself is actually quite gorgeously designed and rendered, especially at the end when the exterior crumbles, and again, DAT CREEPY ATMOSPHERE. I guess it’s officially plot-important now, too, which I just wanna say, I officially called nine years ago, but also I was hardly the only one calling BO involvement with Karasuma. 

Most of all, in general, I just really like watching and reading things involving skilled people being very competent at what they do, so the fact that ALL of the gathered detectives (save that one dead one) figured out what was up and were able to communicate and come up with a plan without revealing themselves to the brilliant detective BEHIND the whole thing, and the execution of that plan, were all very, very good and I liked it. I might reread this one right now, actually, while I’m thinking about it, I really do enjoy it top to bottom.

Golden Apple Case (350-354): PEAK interesting backstory on the part of Vermouth and Yukiko, a reasonably interesting murder, Yukiko’s RAD driving scene, and one of my favourite Ran moments ever. The confrontation with the serial killer/Vermouth is tense as hell, and the fact that Ran reacts instinctively to save his life and just can’t bring herself to drop him and let him die, to be responsible for a death, no matter whose, is a very powerful statement on the integrity of her character. She’s just to her core, and Shinichi does steal the moment a bit by helping her pull the serial killer up and getting the really good “you might need a reason to kill, but you don’t need a reason to save a life” line, but this still feels entirely like a Ran moment for me. We find out later that this incident had a profound effect on Vermouth, too, and is possibly the entire reason she’s hiding Shinichi’s secret from the BO and explicitly the reason she doesn’t want Ran to come to harm. Shame we haven’t had much Vermouth character development in a while because this stuff was JUICY.

Two Cases Under One Moon (429-434): An ICONICALLY good Bo-fightin’ case where everybody involved is putting in Maximum Effort. Heiji puts on an extremely good show as a fake Shinichi (the boy’s an extreme drama queen and Heiji does that very well), Yukiko’s disguise skills are valuable and well-used, we finally get the revelation that Vermouth has been Dr Araide for a while AND that she’s maybe immortal (…not… that we’ve gotten ANYTHING on that since..) AND we get the VERY interesting nature of her feelings concerning Shinichi and Ran. Also, we get Ran so concerned about Ai’s wellbeing that she hides in a car boot and then jumps into gunfire in order to protect her, GOD that’s SUCH a good Ran moment. Shinichi, Jodie and Akai all also get to be very brave and very smart and very badass, and ugh really I just wanna go back to everything about Vermouth in this case and explore more of that forever. Please. Also more Jodie, whose backstory we finally got in this case after revealing that she’s not Vermouth. What is it with interesting women disappearing as soon as their backstory is out MOVING ALONG 

Clash of Red and Black (595-609): This case is a cracking case. This one was long and complicated and many-layered and everybody involved was on their highest gears and it was great. Akai and Conan work as a fantastic team and Conan gets free reign to do some very good detective work for the FBI (I still believe he told Akai who he was during this case, it would make sense and undercuts how concerned I am with all of these grown adults letting a six-year-old run all around an active incident). We get a good look at the incredible power and cruelty of the Black Organization when they cause immense collateral damage just to flush the FBI out. We get the story on both Akemi and Akai’s relationship AND the Hondo family, and OH BOY THE HONDO FAMILY.

It’s also one of the most interesting Eisuke cases, imo, where not only does he do some solid investigation to find Mizunashi Rena, we get a glimpse of some real deep trauma over losing his last family member that’s driven him to be willing to attack Rena with scissors out of desperation to get answers about what happened to his father and sister. I mean, I am most definitely not advocating stabbing coma patients, but for Eisuke a lot of the trauma of your whole beloved family dying or disappearing was just implied and not explored, and then he got booted from the series immediately after things got interesting with him, so bleh. We also barely see Hidemi after this, and ?????????? because she’s a CIA agent who’s in DEEP to the BO after surviving a HORRIFYING situation where she has to proudly boast of murdering a man who was secretly her FATHER, who SACRIFICED HIS LIFE TO PROTECT HER… why are we dicking around so much with Mystery Family instead of exploring this one??? This case is kind of the last hurrah for anything interesting happening with the Hondos so I love it for that.

And I love the complicated counter-bluff involved in delivering Kir back to the Black Organization without looking like they were delivering her. Again, this was apparently in exchange for her assisting the FBI and she barely appears after this…? Nope this isn’t about salting at Gosho moving on

The Life-Threatening Broadcast of Love (804-808): I love this one solely and 300% for the part where Miwako Sato jumps out of a helicopter, shoots a noose off of her boyfriend’s neck, grabs him, wraps her coat around him to protect them and knocks both of them out of the range of a bomb blast at the last second, like the goddamn action hero that she is.

So in no particular order, those are my top ten: how about the rest of you?