#i can understand why my friends who are a couple of years older than me had things for spike when they were younger

[fazedlight]

Awakening (Kara character study, small part supercorp softness)

“But why can’t I be matched to Tali, mom? She’s my best friend!”

Alura turned to Kara, her jaw tensed with frustration with the stubborn child. “Kara, you know better than this. Stable matching can only be achieved if there is a true bijection between disjoint sets-”

“We don’t even have a true bijection because the population is constantly changing, we don’t sort according to all possible preferences, we don’t even have-” “It is not in our nature, Kara,” Alura said, with a dangerous tone in her voice. “We are not Daxamites.”

“But-” 

“The answer is no.”

---

Kara is thirteen Earth years the first time she’s called “dyke.” She doesn’t know what it means. She had only been to school for a couple of weeks. Before that, the only substantial English she had spoken was the couple months with Eliza, Jeremiah, Alex, and Kal. 

Clark, not Kal. Saying “Kal” would put her baby cousin- her older cousin- her cousin in danger.

Alex’s face flushes, and her eyes almost burn with anger, as she shoves Jake Howell against a locker. Kara could do it easily herself, but showing her newfound strength to humans would put her in danger too, somehow. Kara doesn’t think asshole is a nice word, given how Alex growled it. But she suspects dyke isn’t a nice word either.

That night after dinner, Eliza sighs, and hugs Kara gently - and Kara resolves to never get called dyke again.

---

“She’s gorgeous, she’s smart, she smells nice. Hell, I want to date her.” Kara flushed with discomfort, as the words came unbidden from her lips. But Alex didn’t remark on the odd statement, and Kara shoved the thought away.

Just weeks later, awkwardness would turn to tension as Lucy growled. “You and Hank, why do you all lie?”

“When you are an alien,” Kara choked, “You’re willing to sacrifice anything, everything, betray your fundamental instincts - just to fit in.” Something tugged in Kara’s soul at that moment. That she had always tried to fit in, long before she became an alien. But there simply hadn’t been time to linger.

It was only weeks later, when Lucy was saying her goodbyes before leaving National City to rejoin the military, that Kara felt the uncomfortable spike again. “I do know what it’s like to hide,” Lucy confessed.

Kara tilted her head, questions like why? and what do you mean? floating through her mind. But she thought it would be kinder not to ask. “I hope someday, you can be all that you are.”

Lucy gave a small smile. “Me too.”

---

She hadn’t expected meeting Lena to feel like lightning in her veins. The younger Luthor was quick-witted, and beautiful, and playful. Kara felt herself flush with the gentle teasing during their first coffee, and found herself marveling at never quite having a friendship like this before. 

---

“So… so she’s gay?” Kara asked, the word heavy in her throat. “And are you saying, you’re gay too?”

Alex sighed and paced in front of Kara, her frustration just as apparent as her confusion. How can you not know if you’re gay?, Kara wondered, at the same time feeling strangely allergic to the conversation. Wouldn’t it be obvious? “What’s changed?” Kara asked.

---

Yeah, he was… immature. Irresponsible. But they connected - orphans of a lost planet, who spoke the same tongue, who had the same bewilderment in their first moments on an alien planet with newfound powers. And if being in his bed brought her pleasure, it was only proof of their connection, that a good relationship could come of it.

Sometimes there were those flashes - Mon-El had been confused by Alex’s coming out, not understanding the concept. The more the merrier would ring in Kara’s head, and she’d chase away the image of Lena’s face.

---

“I couldn’t have done it, Kara.”

Kara’s chest heaved as she gazed down at Lena, hearing Kal’s words flash through her mind. Lena clung to Kara’s arm as Kara hovered above the reservoir, and some corner of Kara’s mind knew that she should go land, that the danger was over. That Lena was safe. That the city was safe.

But she could only stare down at Lena, whose heart hammered in her chest, whose panting breaths from her climb had not yet slowed. I almost lost her, Kara thought, forlorn. I couldn’t lose her…

It was that moment that her world came crashing down, that realization made her feel like she was drowning. That romantic love wasn’t merely a combination of friendship and lust. That shared experience didn’t mean a shared connection. There was something that ran deeper.

She was in love with Lena, and she could no longer deny it.

---

It was a drunken movie night, after Lena’s breakup with James, when Kara heard I love you fall from Lena's lips.

“It was always you,” Lena confessed, her words slightly slurred from the alcohol as Kara finished pulling the covers over her. “I just wanted to be close to you.”

Kara stood back, feeling her heart pound as she watched Lena slip into slumber. I wish I had told you, Kara thought, her mind flashing to a moment long ago in a forest. I wish I had told you, before…

Kara spent a fitful night trying to sleep on her couch, and Lena’s eyes flashed with shame the next morning as she woke. But they left for Noonan’s, leaving the conversation behind.

---

It felt impossibly brief, that window of time after Kara had revealed her secret, where everything felt almost right with the world. Maybe someday, she and Lena could finish that conversation.

But she found herself in a kryptonite shell.

The universe ended soon after, and even magic couldn’t fix how they had broken. Until the day Kara finally found her hands in Lena’s, vowing together to take down her brother, and Kara felt again that hopeful wonder of what a future with Lena could hold.

And then she found herself in the Phantom Zone again, the words ringing in her head, I wish I had told you.

---

Sleep had eluded Kara in the weeks back from the Phantom Zone. So she was already wide awake at 2am, when she heard Lena’s heart begin to hammer. 

Kara tensed, rushing to her window and ears tuning in as she prepared to fight off an assassination attempt or catch Lena as she fell.

But as she shot into the sky, she nearly tumbled when she realized that Lena wasn’t in distress. The shaky breaths and small laughs caused Kara’s chest to tighten in anguish. She’s fine, Kara thought, feeling tears prick the edges of her vision. She’s fine. 

---

“Are you okay?” Lena said, when she finally found Kara in the Tower, sitting on a step. “Alex said she couldn’t find you - you were in the Fortress?”

Kara glanced up from the steps. “I just, um. I was reading in the Fortress, I fell asleep there.” It had the benefit of being true. The Fortress was far enough to drown the sound of Lena’s heart out.

Lena shuffled next to Kara, taking a seat. “I don’t remember seeing any beds there.”

“I float in my sleep,” Kara shrugged, staring at her hands as she let silence fall.

Lena shifted, uncomfortable with the quiet. “Are you okay?”

Yeah, Kara almost said, but something stopped her this time. Perhaps it was the poor sleep. Perhaps it was the litany of I wish I had told you that would replay in her mind.

How many more times am I going to do this?, Kara thought. How many more times am I going to carry that regret? “I love you,” Kara said finally, sensing Lena tense up next to her. “I know… I know that door is closed. But I love you. I should’ve told you so long ago.”

“You… you heard me last night,” Lena wondered softly. “So you went to the Fortress?”

Kara grimaced. “I stopped listening as soon as I realized,” Kara said, fighting a panic. Will she be angry? “I never meant to- to invade your privacy. I’ll be more careful.”

“The door isn’t closed,” Lena said. “If you don’t want it to be.”

Those words made Kara brave enough - or maybe just confused enough - to finally tilt her head up to meet Lena’s gaze. “But- last night-”

“I’ve been trying to get over you. Not very successfully,” Lena added, with a wry grin.

“Really?” Kara smiled.

“Really.” 

---

The matching laws had been long dismantled by the time a smiling Alura officiated their marital rites. Kryptonians didn’t have concepts like best man or matron of honor, but that didn’t stop the two women from inviting Alex and Kelly to stand at each of their sides as they said their vows.

Kara never imagined that it’d be a woman’s wrist she’d place her wedding bracelet on. Though she supposed she never imagined marrying on an asteroid of her father’s creation, or marrying for romantic love, or marrying someone her people would call Hero of Argo for the creation of a black rock.

She never imagined finally telling Lena her secret. She never imagined Lena’s forgiveness. She never imagined the feel of Lena’s lips pressed against her own, hands tugging at her robes, as she whispered zhao against Lena’s lips.

And she never imagined being the one to make Lena’s heart race.

[rachetmath]

Family

Ruby: F*** you!

Raven: F*** you!

Yang: F*** you!!

Raven: F*** you!!

Qrow: F*** you!!!

Jaune: Why are they screaming at each other?

Nora: I don’t know. Probably, because Raven abandoned them and is the worst mother ever.

Jaune: Isn’t that your mom then?

Nora: F*** you.

Jaune: Yep. Anyways… Yo!

RYBB: WHAT?!!!

Jaune: Can’t you all talk about this? You know like a family.

RYBB: f-

Jaune: Try me. Try me and see what happens. Understand, you all can be or are on my shit list. I already have my issues with my family. I already talked to Winter about hers. I will humble all of you. 

Raven: Look kid this has-

Jaune: It’s crazy how you know about family but abandoned your kin for a bunch of strangers.

Raven: … 

Jaune: It’s crazy how you’re your daughter's biggest stalker but just like one you can barely have a conversation with her.  And attempt to take her life the moment your views differ from one another.

Raven: … 

Jaune: It’s crazy how you risked your tribe, only to give the relic to your daughter, probably the only present you’ll ever give her out the years of her life. And what’s insane is you did all that because you didn’t want to deal with Salem even though she held your tribe hostage. Speaking of your tribe where are they now?

Raven: *silent*

Jaune: Sit you no leadership, die-hard shogun ass down.

Raven: *sit down*

Qrow: Well damn kid-

Jaune: Bitch I’m older than you now but even before that I was more man than you.

Qrow: Now hold-

Jaune: I will admit you showed up when Tyrian came. However, you want to know why I was pissed and made those assumptions?

Qrow: I mean I saved Ruby and your lives.

Jaune: Yeah. You were watching us from a distance. Good. But you were late. Which means when you were late we encountered Grimm. Now what could cause that?

Qrow: Um…

Jaune: You were drunk.

Qrow: Well-

Jaune: Back to the journey to Mistral and after you could have been more useful in almost every event.

Qrow: Woah kid I was-

Jaune: Dude when you couldn’t find any hunters, you didn’t even bother trying to help any of us improve. When we were trapped in a room with Salem's allies and your sister, your first thought was to stand around, do nothing, and find out.

Qrow: Okay b-

Jaune: Raven kicked your ass. Hazel punched your back out. And the only one you were protecting was Oscar. What happened to Ruby and Yang being your nieces? Speaking of Oscar didn’t you punch him in the face and never apologize for it?

Qrow: That was for Ozpin.

Jaune: In Oscar’s body, don't try to defend this. Suppose a huntsman saw that, would you not be arrested?

Qrow: Okay now that I think about it-

Jaune: Oh, and when Oscar went missing what the f*** were you doing? Getting drunk, again.

Qrow: I was having a hard time.

Jaune: Screw you.

Qrow: Well at least I didn’t endanger my friends.

Jaune: At least I didn’t get one of my friends killed. Like with Clover. Which I will say, great job in letting Tyrian escape. It’s crazy how even sober you are still an idiot. Also, you’re a fraud. Qrow: Well I-

Jaune: Like now there is no comparing us, I’ve been through more shit than you will ever imagine. And I wasn’t given a choice. You were. And that’s misfortunate. Your nieces almost died a couple of times and you weren’t there to help them. I was. God I’m starting to realize why your team is a mess and why, Tai, hates you. You are both a downer and a deadbeat. Pick a struggle.

Qrow: *silent and sits with Raven*

Jaune: *stares at Ruby and Yang*

Yang and Ruby: *sat down immediately*

Jaune: So what are you all going to do?

RYBB: Talk like a family.

Jaune: Good. Now you excuse me I need to write a letter to my mother who I am not on the best of terms, right now. Bye.

Nora: Jaune? Jaune, is there something you want to talk about? I’m openly available.

Jaune: F*** you too, Nora.

Qrow: How long was he on that island?

Ruby: Uncle Qrow, we had our first argument on that island.

Qrow: Oh… s***.

[11rosebunny]

┆彡 𝐖𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐅𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑 𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋

Chapter two

HAJIME UMEMIYA X READER

Upon landing his eyes on yours, it took him a few seconds to breathe in again until the guy he came with started marching his way to where you stood with the first-year boys.

"You little SHITS!"

Your eyes widened as you followed the image of a hotheaded male with sharp features and short spiky hair that seemed to be withering away from a shade of blonde.

His shark-like teeth grew wide when a scowl appeared on his face and grabbed Sakura's head with steam coming from his ears. You backed away in shock at the scene before you.

"What the hell I tell you about followin' my orders?!" Spit flew out from his mouth hitting the poor boy's face. Nirei's face bellowed into fear while Sugishita and Suo looked away feeling sweat drop from their foreheads.

"Gross! You're spitting on me again!" The black and white-haired boy shouted back.

You stood there watching the two argue back and forth since nobody else dared to intervene, otherwise if they did, the third-year male would've torn their heads' off.

Then soon after, footsteps approached the table.

"Calm down Hiragi." An easygoing voice spoke over the fight in front of you.

The grey-haired man walked up to where his friend was practically mauling Sakura's face. Then, he placed his hand on the punk's shoulder making him snap at him.

"What?!"

A smile went on his face, "We can deal with them later. You do realize we have a guest with us?"

Hiragi's grip on Sakura loosened as he turned to look at the newcomer, his expression softening slightly. His eyes flickered to you, and for a moment, you caught a glimpse of vulnerability beneath his tough exterior.

The grey-haired man nodded towards you with a friendly smile, his demeanor calming the tense atmosphere. "Let's not ruin our guest's impression of us, Hiragi. We can handle this later."

The four other boys twisted their head's at the sudden tone their older classmate had put on.

"Haah—? What's up with you now?" Sakura nudged at the boy. It was odd seeing how his president acted towards the stranger he didn't know of while the only background noises was the spiky-haired boy yelling at Sugishita. You stood their awkwardly as the grey-haired man spoke to you.

"May I ask who you are? I don't mean to come off as rude. It's just that I haven't seen you around here before." He smiled sweetly catching you off guard at how friendly he was.

The both of you stared at each other taking in your features. He never recalls meeting anyone like you before—never bumped into you on the Main Street, or during weekend days. Generally, the grey-haired boy knew nearly everyone in the town he's grown up in even since he was a middle schooler. So when he comes across somebody he's never bumped into, he's stumped and almost intrigued on who you were.

"[Last name] [First Name]."

You answered after a couple of seconds from silence. You started blinking away, not understanding why he had gotten quiet all of a sudden. Had you said something off?

But then, the weirdest thing happened. He laughed.

"Wh—"

"That's amazing! I've never met you before can you believe it?!" His hand reached to the top of your head. Was he, patting it?

From the sidelines, Nirei sweat dropped before mumbling to himself, "Well obviously. Isn't this their first interaction?" He whispered to Suo. The other boy nodded finding the older man's response a bit stupid.

Instantly, your hands flayed around in the air, feeling nervous that a random man you've never met began to pat your head continuously. "Uhhh."

Shortly after, he let out a sigh and removed his hand. Your face was now startled as you looked back at him with an unsure smile. He was acting way too easygoing than anyone you've ever encountered before (although not many).

"Anyways, what brings you here? I can see that the younger ones are already aware of you." He asked as the spiky-haired male in the background finally stopped arguing with Sugishita.

"I found Kyotaro unconscious in an alleyway?" You answered a little quiet. All 6 of them stopped speaking.

"Ah."

"Haah?"

"Oh?"

"WHAT?!"

The reactions of each of them progressively got worse. Then once again, the man began to go right back to arguing with Sugishita who this time began to scowl and look away in embarrassment. Then, the man before you began to laugh again.

Your head swung to look at him but in a flash he put his hands on your shoulders and began to guide you away from the scene.

"Ahah, I think we should go now yes?"

It wasn't an awkward walk back down than you thought it might have been. You were able to read the room and silently agreed it was also better if you'd leave in that moment. You continued walking behind him as you lead you to the exit of the school, he was humming an unknown song while he was at it.

"You don't speak much [Name]." He said out loud randomly as you two were now on the bottom floor.

"I don't?"

He chuckled, "You sure do, nothing bad about that though." He shoved his hands in his pockets. Although you couldn't see his face, you could tell by the way he spoke it sounded like he was grinning. Then, he turned his head to look at you.

"But..."

"You haven't even asked for my name." He concluded with a curious smile.

By now, you two were finally at the doors to the outside, but before you could step out, you jumped when you realized what he said was true.

"Oh! I'm so sorry! What's your name?" You panicked. He snickered finding the way your face went in shock to be amusing.

He opened to door for you to walk out first then shortly walked closer to you causing the door to close.

"Hajime Umemiya."

Chapter three

[invisibleicewands]

Bringing revolution to Port Talbot - by Michael Sheen

On a recent February morning, I woke up to find I was wrong. Not a particularly uncommon experience in itself, but unusual to discover that on this occasion I was being publicly accused of it by the Secretary of State for Business and Trade. “Michael Sheen has said that ‘the people of Port Talbot have been let down’,” Kemi Badenoch wrote in the Daily Mail. “But he is wrong.”

It was a big day. I spent all of last year directing a three-part drama series for the BBC called The Way, which was to air that night. It begins in my hometown of Port Talbot, where a strike at the local steelworks becomes the spark that ignites a violent descent into national chaos. Clearly, Ms Badenoch had been given a sneak peek of the series before forming quite a strong opinion on it. But no: reading her article, Ms Badenoch admits that she hadn’t watched it at all. Why let a total lack of information prevent a full-throated denouncement, eh? Presumably, she also assumes that we managed to write, film and edit the entire series after Tata Steel announced the imminent loss of some 2,500 jobs at the steelworks mere weeks ago.

While the winds of change have only been blowing in one direction for many years, the events in our story were dreamed up some years ago and act as a fictional catalyst for all that follows. Surely even Tory ministers understand there is no VIP fast lane for making a TV series. This isn’t a PPE contract, after all…

Nothing to see here

After that episode aired, it occurred to me that such shenanigans in the right-wing press could have been about a couple of things. Since the ITV drama about the Post Office scandal, Mr Bates vs The Post Office, caused public outrage, I imagine the government has a new fear of the impact a TV show can have. A pre-emptive strike against a series it perceives to be criticising its actions around the steel industry must have seemed a useful tactic. And, having seen Breathtaking – based on Rachel Clarke’s memoir of how the Covid crisis unfolded in the NHS, which aired on ITV the same night as The Way – I wonder if her piece was an attempt to distract attention away from more dangerous territory.

It gave Ms Badenoch a chance to trot out her line about how the people of Port Talbot should be grateful for all that the government is doing to save the steel industry, not moaning about the impact job losses will have on their community. But the people of Port Talbot have been let down, no matter what Ms Badenoch wants us to think. Not by any single entity, but by years of neglect. That she immediately assumed my comments referred to her and her government tells its own story. In the words of a much older drama than mine: the lady doth protest too much, methinks.

Then and Nye

“This crisis is a privateering racket with your friends lining their pockets!” No, not an accusation against Boris Johnson, but something I currently say to Winston Churchill every night. We opened a new play called Nye at the National Theatre this week. I play Aneurin (“Nye”) Bevan, who attacks the prime minister for turning a wartime crisis into a money-making scheme for him and his cronies. It’s one of many moments in the play that seem to speak to past and present at the same time.

The entanglement of “now” and “then” is heightened by the fact that I am wearing pyjamas. Nye is lying unconscious in his hospital bed at the end of his life, and we follow him through a dream of his past. He wanders from childhood memories of overcoming his stutter in Tredegar library to his meteoric rise through local politics, to becoming the youngest member of Clement Attlee’s pioneering postwar cabinet. And, of course, as minister for health, his tumultuous birthing of the NHS on 5 July 1948. It’s an extraordinary, surprising and moving experience telling this story on stage each night. That shared space between actors and audience, where all is felt but unseen, crackles with electricity.

Once more, with feeling

It seems that exploring the motives of politicians, the uses and abuses of political power, and the quest for justice that saw the creation of the NHS taps into deep wells of emotion. Like the pockets of gas that miners feared within the coal seam, their release brings risk and reward. At a recent show, we had three instances of people needing to be helped out of the theatre, the final one forcing us to pause the show moments from its end. Thankfully, it was nothing more serious than someone fainting. But emotions are running high.

I’m more than happy to invite Ms Badenoch to a performance. But I realise, of course, there’s no guarantee she would make it to the end.

[theblackestswan]

Silent Desires | #3

Synopsis — There was a time when you pondered how you'd ever let it be known how much you desired Jungkook. But now? He's back. And he's not being silent with his desires anymore.

• Jungkook × F!Reader

• Brothers best friend, childhood friends to somewhat strangers to lovers, smut, fluff, and a bit of angst

• explicit language

• word count: 1.4k+

previous chapter

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The smell of coffee swarmed your nose.

Seven am. Time to wake up.

"Another day, another dollar." You needed that dollar more than anything. It was the dreaded Monday morning, and you honestly thought about calling in sick, telling Jimin to tell Jungkook to not stop by, and just pretend like this never happened.

But you couldn't. You needed money.

You got up and headed for the shower. After you were done, you went to your closet and picked out your outfit. Thankfully, your work was very chill in terms of how you get to express yourself. You decided to go for a pair of black leggings, a graphic band tee, and your favorite Converse. You couldn't be bothered to do much to your hair so you threw it up in a messy bun.

You grabbed your phone, and your bag and headed to the kitchen.

Breakfast was not your thing. Never has been, never will be. So you settled on a couple granola bars, and a cup of coffee. It was now about 7:45am, and you knew Jungkook would be here at 8.

"Good morning my beautiful sister." Jimin grabbed himself his own cup of coffee and sat down next to you. "How you feel this morning?"

That's a great question. You didn't even have an answer for yourself. "I'm alright. Not pleased that Kook has to take me to work, but, here I am."

Jimin sighed and rolled his eyes "Y/N, it's okay. Trust me, he wouldn't have offered if he didn't want to."

But why does he want to? Why did he suddenly want to move closer to 'you guys'? Why does he suddenly want to be the Knight in shining armor in every situation?

"I'm not trying to sound ungrateful, I'm just confused I guess." Which is true. You were so confused.

"Confused about what?"

"Confused as to why he is doing all of this for me, I'm not his friend. You are, Chim. Not me." You tried to say this as softly as you could. You never talked to Jimin about how you felt towards his friendship with Jungkook.

You weren't mad at Jimin. At one point, yes, you were. But now? No. Jungkook and Jimin are best friends. They were made for each other. At one point you thought they could be romantic soulmates even. That was squashed when you overheard them talking about the head they had got in the bathroom of a club but...they have a friendship like no other.

But, you'd be lying if you said that having Jungkook here, brought back up all those feelings you once had. The feeling of being friends with Jungkook first, and him just disposing of you for your cool, older brother. Again, you weren't mad at Jimin. But why did it take Jungkook, all these years to suddenly want to start being friendly with you. He had the time before.

"Y/N, Jungkook was your friend first. And sure, maybe him and I hit it off even more, but maybe, with him being back down here, he wants to pick up your guy's friendship again. Just let it happen. He's a good guy who wants to help."

Jimin's right. He is a good guy, who obviously wants to help. But why? No one seems to be able to answer that.

Before you can dive more into the thought, your doorbell rang and it's surely no other than Jeon Jungkook.

"Hey man! How's your morning?" Jimin greeted him as he let him in.

"Going pretty good, and you?" Jungkook didn't take off his jacket or shoes, you guys will be leaving soon anyways, so no need.

"Just fighting with that one," Jimin motioned his head towards you in the kitchen, "about you. But, it is what it is." He smiled.

"What about me?" Jungkook was curious now.

"Well, she just doesn't understand what you're motive is for doing all this for her. Helping with her car, and taking her to work. She says that your my friend, and not hers." He shrugged.

Jungkook just nodded as he stared at the floor, "I see. I'll talk to her about it." He flashed your brother a soft smile.

You looked through your bag one more time to make sure you had everything. "Ready if you are."

Jungkook let out a small smirk, barely noticeable, "I'm more than ready."

~•~

Why couldn't you have picked a job closer to home? You were sure you were gonna pull your hair out of your scalp. There was so much tension in this car. You could feel it.

It was like both of you wanted to say something, but neither of you could find the words. The low sound of the music wasn't doing anything for you guys. This felt awkward. This felt weird.

Was there any oxygen in here?

Just as you were trying to figure out whether you hated the the man in the seat next you to, or you wanted to fuck him, he spoke.

"Y/N, I want you to know I'm doing all this for you because I care. No one is forcing me. So, please stop thinking that."

Fucking Jimin and his big mouth. Of course he told Jungkook.

All you could do was sigh. "Look, I'm grateful you're doing all this. So grateful. And I know I'm being a brat right now, but I can't figure you out. You are my brothers friend, not-"

"Stop saying that. I hate when you say that." His grip on the steering wheel tightened.

"Stop saying what Jungkook? The truth? You haven't spoken to me besides a few Facebook comments here and there, over the last 5 years. But you talked to Jimin every single day. You hang out with him almost every single weekend. And now you decide you want to come back down here and be friends with me again?" You were trying to not get too riled up seeing as you have to go to work soon.

Jungkook let out a deep breath he didn't even know he was holding in. "Y/N, it wasn't like that. Trust me, I had a reason for distancing myself. And you have every right to be mad at me. I shouldn't have just left you like you didn't matter to me, but trust me when I say, I always asked your brother about you. I always asked how you were doing, I always asked to see pictures of you, when you didn't post much online, I texted your brother to ask if you were okay. I care Y/N. Even if you can't see it, and damnit I didn't do a very good job at showing you, but I care."

You don't think you've ever seen Jungkook this vulnerable. He looked like he was about to cry, honestly. That softened your heart. You knew you shouldn't have been mad at him.

If you're being truthful with yourself, you too could also blame yourself. The phone goes both ways. Conversations involve two people. Yeah, him being better friends with Jimin, may have been the start of your divide, but you could have easily reached out too.

You could have asked Jimin to take you with to see him. You could have asked Jimin for his number, so you could send him a 'How are you?' text every once in a while. But you didn't.

And neither did he. But at least he asked about you. Did you ever ask your brother about Jungkook? No. Not once. You'd ask if they had a good time as they hung out, but nothing about him directly.

You were just as big of an idiot as he was, in all of this. Maybe even more so.

"Kook... I'm sorry." You couldn't even look at him right now. "I didn't know all of that. I'm sure you had your reasons for distancing, and that's none of my business, but I'm just as much to blame. I didn't try for our friendship just as much, actually... even less than you. At least, you asked about me, right?" You lightly chuckled.

Finally, turning his head to you as you were at a stop light, he gave you a soft smile. "Don't blame yourself. This was all me."

It wasn't. It truly wasn't.

"Kook, I think this should just be water under the bridge. If you're not mad, I'm not mad."

With an even bigger bunny smile, "I could never be mad at you."

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

Taglist: @darkuni63

A note from our sponsor: Hiiiii *crickets* okay I know I said I would be updating frequently… but school has been crazy, and then the holidays and yeahhhh. But I’m going to try and get you guys caught up to Wattpad. Enjoy friends!!!

[boyfiejay]

Soulmate AU

PAIRING : Jungwon x gn Reader

GENRE : soulmates, fated to be

Warning : reader has mixed feeling about this soulmate thing, they go to different schools, jungwon is a gentleman, reader is whipped for him, mention of a cut on readers wrist (not SH), swearing like once

Word Count : 1.3k (how tf😧)

Author's Note : pinterest pushed me to write this, like i saw that bracelet photo and i had to write this. Why do my periods have to hurt me so bad, im going to kms😂

Sunoo Version

You've always felt like an outsider, so different from people around you. You were constantly surrounded by couples, soulmates to be exact. To be honest, you found the idea of soulmates a little bit too much, too controlling as to how you had spend your life with someone you've just met.

But there was still comfort in that thought, as controlling this whole thing sounded, it still was a reassurance that there is a person who is so much suited for you that they can be called your soulmate. That no matter what at the end of the day, that person understood you better than anyone else, even if they've known you for mere hours.

So really do you find these soulmates? Everyone is given a bracelet with a distinct charm on it at the young age of 10. These charms are supposed to link together when you meet them, they're stuck together for as long as the charm wants.

And although your charm was pretty looking, it still got stuck in inconvenient things. Your wrists turning red at the harsh metal. It looked pretty but was a bit too uncomfortable.

Although the thought of soulmates made you feel giddy, couples were insufferable in your early years of high school, constantly reminding you what you did not have. Or what you did not find.

But as you grew older, your excitement about finding your soulmate grew less and less. Many people found their soulmates at the beginning of high school, some even in middle school. Your parents found each other when they were 15, your older brother found his soulmate when he was 16. And at the age of 18, you felt everyone look down on you with pity.

And whatever hope you had, had started to diminish as you were now in your last year of high school. Just a year away from graduation, everyone around you was constantly worried about whether you would find your 'meant-to-be' or not.

Finding your soulmate way later in life wasn't unheard of, but the chances of finding that person becomes really low the older you get.

And so your parents decided for you that you should meet new people, hangout more often because apparently the reason you haven't found your soulmate is because you don't socialise. Which is understandable, considering you only have a set of friends that you interact with.

Thankfully, you did not have any problem with making friends. But sticked to the few you trusted, well because everyone at your school is either a crackhead, doesn't understand boundaries or just so much drama. So you happily agreed to going our more often when your parents mentioned.

But what was annoying was that you were being dragged to a different school's yearly festivals. Well not really annoying, now that you were promised a treat from your friends.

Someone in the group, you failed to notice who, had mentioned that you all should split in groups and explore whatever you wanted, since everyone wanted to do a different thing. And initially you had two of your friends with you, but after a while of mindlessly strolling you realised that you were alone, your friends vanishing, leaving you with a cat plushie you won.

You wandered around, looking around to find your friends as well as looking for something interesting to waste your money on.

You spotted someone wearing an orange beret, similar to what your friend had worn in the morning. Unfortunately the person was slowly going out of your line of sight and merging into the crowd. You had to move quickly and soon enough you were trying to push past a bunch of people.

You broke into a small jog, the person finally in your line of sight. But just then you felt a harsh tug on your wrist, it definitely wasn't someones hand that was gripping yours.

It didn't take you long to realise what the tug was, you slowly turned, hoping that your bracelet didn't get stuck in some random person's sleeve.

As you turned, you were met with wide worried eyes that were scanning your wrist. Your eyes moved down, still internally hoping, and the sight that you had dreamed numerous times was in front of you. In that moment, you just felt this strong urge to cry, no one in your life could understand the times you had felt alone while everyone around you just seemed so happy.

And no matter how much you try to gaslight yourself, you had desperately wanted to meet your soulmate. Everyone described it like such an enchanting moment, your mom said it felt like sparks were flying, you would feel that you've known this person your whole life.

But right now, the person in front of you seemed so unfazed about the fact that he had just found his soulmate. Rather he was focused on the fact that your wrist was bright red, it burned due to the harsh tug and there was a small cut that he hasn't seen yet.

"Are you okay?" he said, finally meeting your eyes, his own searching for any pain on your face. Surely you felt enchanted, not only because this was your soulmate, but also because he was the epitome of 'handsome yet cute'.

He tilted his eyes, confused at you blankly staring. No scratch that, he was cute as fuck.

Snapping out of the trance he had put on you, you say "Yeah, I'm fine." your whole face was burning up at his intense staring. You were surprised you managed to sound normal.

"I don't think this is gonna let go any time soon." he said, talking about the charms. "Do you mind if we hung out together? Consider this our first date. My name is Jungwon." he said, gently smiling, dimples appearing on his cheeks. God he was too cute.

Clearing your throat, you managed to nod and return his smile, your eyes still staring at his dimples.

He looked behind his to tell his friends to go on without him, you just realised that there were around half a dozen people behind his that were just staring at you, trying to bore holes into you. A couple of them had a teasing smile when you looked at them, two of them covering their wide open mouths. Only one person seemed laid back and he motioned Jungwon to go on, dragging the others away with him.

Jungeon looked back at you after making sure his friends weren't fooling around or staring at you, "Let's go?" he said still smiling. You felt like you were going to combust.

The rest of the day was spent getting to know each other, Jungwon surprisingly being a very easy person to talk to. You both opened up about how you two were the only people in your respective friend groups who were soulmate-less, "Well, not anymore." was his reply, with a cheeky grin, avoiding your eyes.

And despite how respective he was, he was also flirty. Like not flirty in a creepy way, he was still respectful of your boundaries but he had some kind of charm that just made you flush bright red. Or maybe you were just whipped for him, despite knowing him for such a small time.

With red cheeks and shy waves, and a promise to meet again, the date had ended.

You could finally understand why people could write whole books just about their soulmates, you felt such a deep sense of endearment when you looked at him. You finally understood why your friends were so whipped for their soulmates, constantly yapping about them.

Your friends were surely going to hear an earful for leaving you alone, but you had a feeling that you were going to talk way more about Jungwon.

[drdemonprince]

I was talking to some relatives about our comparative sensitivities to substances. As a young person, I had the classic Autistic hyper-sensitivity to drugs. Two beers could knock me out. Anything past that was disgusting to me; at Ohio State I was constantly hiding half-drunk solo cups of Natty Light on bookshelves and in basements because I couldn't keep up with anyone else. I had no taste for weed or anything harder because I hated how tired it made me feel. At the same time, I always remained lucid on substances. I was always the person who could snap into practical, problem-solving thinking and put on a sober face if a member of my party got in trouble for pissing in the street or started fighting or ran afoul of the cops.

growing up, my friends were always trying to get fucked up so they could escape their brains and their realities, and then falling into huge problems because they'd done so. they'd get drunk and piss themselves. drive drunk home. fall in love with some dude on cocaine ten years older than them and then have to bust open a garage window with their fist when he was freaking out threatening himself. they'd blow out their caffeine receptors on weird drug store cold medicine and not be able to drink coffee for years. they'd drag themselves hung over to work or have to run a 5k still stoned. i didnt understand why they'd be so irrational. i was always the person sitting on the floor, a little tired but fine, watching them wrestle eachother drunkenly or cry when they'd started taking whatever drug it was to make themselves feel good. i didn't understand why someone would choose to weaken themselves and make themselves feel even worse. but nothing ever really felt good to me. i was just a flat line.

My sensitivity has changed thanks to testosterone, specifically because of muscle growth. I can throw back a number of drinks that startles me now, and feel almost nothing. A few months back a friend was being very generous with the boozy slushies at Sidetrack and the shots. I don't know how many I had. But more than I'd had to drink in many, many years at least. Which is probably still a small-seeming number to the real professionals, maybe something like 6 or 7 drinks total. But I felt completely fine, nothing past a little silly. I ate a taco on the curb, sipped some water, and then I was fine.

My sister is barely feels substances at all. She can't tell when pain medications work. In college, during a spat with a sorority "little" of hers who began to stalk her, she spent every afternoon at the bar downing shots from a shot-club list in exchange for a t-shirt, and it didn't affect her. She hates food and eats very little because of probably ARFID, but she will drink just about anything, and can do so in abundance if she wants to. But she rarely wants to, because it doesn't make her feel any more fucked up than a couple of cocktails. She smoked weed and took edibles sporadically for years without them ever kicking in or doing anything to her.

I am reminded of that story I read about the guy with really high social anxiety whom the CIA gave like ten tabs of acid, as part of some fucked up experiment, and he remained completely lucid, polite, present, and normal-seeming the entire time. Because he was just such a fucking tight-assed neurotic person that he couldn't let go of his iron-tight grip on reality. After his 12th acid tab, he got a little bit sleepy and went off to bed, or something like that. (If someone remembers this story and can find a link, send it to me!).

I don't know that I'd be the same, I've never tried, acid, but I imagine that it would play out something like that. I'd clench my firsts tight onto reality and keep masking as normal until I reached the absolute fucking brink of my ability to cope, and then I wouldn't enjoy the high, i'd just be so fucked up that I needed to go lie down. Mushrooms didn't affect me much, either.

I can't seem to escape my constant neurotic rumination and compulsive need to attend to the reactions of others and modulate myself. I wish I could let loose, but then again, when a person says they want one thing and they behave in a completely different way, trust the behavior. Clearly I don't want to lose control. I'm obsessed with maintaining my perspective. The one time I got properly zooted high at Nowadays in New York I nearly lost my phone, and I don't want to risk anything like that again. Anxiety is such a protective thing. we evolved to survive not to be happy. and all told i'm pretty good at keeping shit together, looking after myself, looking after others, and not fucking things up. my anxiety and rigidity has spared my ass a whole lot of problems, saved me a lot of money, helped my career, helped me escape arrest. i wish i could relax once in a fucking while but also i dont. im in love with what a tight ass sharp edged tense little bitch i can be. i dont know who the alternative version of me even would be. if i were to let properly loose and get sloppy it would feel like some abdication of duty, because I know that I *can* keep it together no matter what, and it seems so many people can't.

[the-far-bright-center]

Re: Obitine and Anidala

I originally wrote this in response to @marvelstars' excellent post on the subject, but I wanted to share it again because it's one of many topics in which I have a differing view from the prevailing fandom perspective.

Above all, it truly drives me nuts how the fandom pits these two relationships against each other. I'm a die-hard Anidala shipper and when I first watched TCW, I was DELIGHTED by the Obitine ship. I saw nothing about it that made me think it was supposed to be viewed as somehow 'better' or more 'ideal' than Anidala. I only ever saw it as a relationship that was more suited to Obi-Wan's character and personality. Not to mention that Padme and Satine are presented as friends who get along well and go on adventures together to right political wrongs, much in the same vein that Anakin and Obi-Wan go on their many military exploits together. The story sets them up as two couples who, in an a more ideal timeline, would be besties who go on double dates together. In my opinion, fandom's insistence on viewing them through the lens of 'which one is a 'morally better couple' is completely missing the point. Personally, I see them as two sides of the same coin.

Since @marvelstars' post was specifically about these two couples as they relate to the idea of commitment to the Jedi Order, I also focused on that angle. Imo, the way Obitine's relationship panned out made sense for their characters and context. Just like Anidala's makes sense for theirs. Obi-Wan and Satine met each other as young adults and had a whole year 'on the run' together before having to say their farewells, whereas Anakin and Padme first meet as children, then re-meet and fall in love over a short span of time, and then suddenly their world is at war and they are facing imminent, possibly indefinite, separation. That's why they marry while still remaining in their respective Jedi and Senator roles, because they feel it might be their only chance to have anything resembling the family they both long for. They understand that they might not survive the war. Whereas Obi-Wan and Satine had first met when Satine's world was already enmeshed in civil war, and then they parted once peace was reestablished and their lives were no longer in immediate danger. And when they meet again during the Clone Wars, it's a wholly different scenario and things have drastically changed (she is the head of a neutral system, he is already established as a general in a war she is opposed to). They are also older, in their 30s, while Anakin and Padme embody the headstrong impetuosity and passion of young love. So it's not as though Obi-Wan and Satine are going to drop everything and enter a committed relationship/marriage in that context in the same way Anakin and Padme do in theirs (when, notably, Anakin is still a padawan and about to be sent to the frontlines to fight in a war for the first time).

As mentioned above, when I was watching TCW I never thought that the purpose of showing both of these relationships in contrasting-parallel to one another was somehow to demonstrate that one was more 'sacrificial' for remaining in the Order and giving up the relationship while the other was more 'selfish' for trying to have both at the same time. Rather, what I feel the story is actually saying is something completely different. It's important to remember that both of these relationships involve a Jedi and the political leader to whom he had originally been assigned as a bodyguard. What is the significance of that? Well, I would argue it's more than just a romantic trope. When I watch Lucas-era Star Wars, I'm always aware that the characters have both an immediate role in-story as well as a symbolic function. Satine, a pacifist, can be seen to represent Peace. Padme, as a Senator, stands for Justice and the rights of the people. And what is it that Obi-Wan says to Luke all those years later? That the Jedi were 'the guardians of Peace and Justice in the old Republic'. This strikes me as hugely significant. Especially if we understand that the Jedi Order had lost its way as of the Prequels-era. While the fandom focuses on which couple is 'better' because of how their relationship affects each Jedi's respective commitment to the Order, I see it from a completely different angle. My understanding is that the Jedi's TRUE purpose (in relation to their role within the Republic) was actually to dedicate their lives to protecting Peace and Justice and those who truly upheld these ideals in the galaxy. Obi-Wan and Anakin's actual callings in life should have been to protect Satine and Padme, whom they loved. Whether this manifested in a more chivalric, courtly love scenario or an outright marriage is immaterial. Rather, what matters is that being a Jedi and dedicating their lives to these women due to their love for them was not incompatible with their role as protectors and defenders of the galaxy, but was in fact the truest expression of it. The so-called 'commitment' to the Order itself was never truly the point, and that's the tragedy of the Prequels-era. Because it was the Order that had by this point forbidden love and family, and which had embroiled Obi-Wan and Anakin and the rest of the Jedi in a war that went against their own principles. A war that, it could be argued, ultimately lead to the deaths of both Satine and Padme, and with them Peace and Justice—the very values that the Jedi were supposed to protect and serve.

[eatmangoesnekkid]

One unspoken virus that plagues female bodies due to growing up and being conditioned in a western colonial capitalist patriarchy is the lack of reverence, respect, and honoring we have for our teachers and inspirations/muses. Growing up in a world created out of the male mind and male philosophy, we are groomed to be less collaborative and more competitive and "takers," taking resources from the feminine, without acknowledging our sources, whether it's another woman/femme's work or resources of the earth. We have adapted to being sneaky and slick.

Everything is recorded. We do not get away with anything. The desire "to take" from other women is a 'bottom-feeder' scarcity consciousness. When a woman or womb owner holds this type of consciousness in her system, she births babies who become adults who do not feel like they are good enough and they further the unconscious scarcity imprint into future generations. When you take words I have written like "friendships can be deeply romantic" but do not credit me as the source of your newfound wisdom and simply shift words around, it is still recorded and felt by those with intuitive gifts. I am devoted to letting those whom I love know how much I adore them. Within the last 10 years, there has not a single close friend I’ve had who hasn't received a message of me sharing my love of them at some point. This is the lived experience the quote was birthed from. In the last 30 days, I have sent voice notes to a woman I follow on instagram who writes beautiful things about heterosexual relating and bridging the gap between women and men. I'm not a heterosexual woman, but I love reading her work. She expands my own consciousness of love so I reached out to her just to let her know how much her work inspired my own flow of love in a pure way and thanked her. Reverence for another human can be so activating for the psyche and requires extreme vulnerability, which is one reason it is so hard for most people to honor other people without feeling less than. We have forgotten that we are all Gods, that’s why. 🪶🙏🏿🕊️ Years ago, a couple from Atlanta came to visit me and my lover in Europe. When they arrived, I was the only one at home and when my lover came home from work, I met her at the door as usual—which was really no big deal to us. Ha, I will never forget when we turned around and saw the sheer shock on their faces from witnessing how we greeted each other after being a part for "only 7 hours" —one of them said. They were shocked that we had that so much reverence for the presence of the other. But to me, reverence is human. It is love. It is the nectarous flow of one’s inherent wellspring of vulnerability. Recently I spoke to a past mentor of mine from 2008 who is 22 years older than me, a mentor who I have expanded beyond in consciousness and lived experiences. I find traits of a good mentor to be one who can help evolve students beyond their own capacity and limitations, maybe begin to actually to revere the student’s growing beyond the mentor’s capacity overtime. This is what our relationship is like now. She is genuinely happy for everything I am and everything have become. In all these years, I have felt nothing but sheer love and appreciation from her at different stages of my journey. I told her how much I loved her for who she divinely is. I showered her with compliments and sent her a cashapp for no reason at all. I did not reach out to her to talk about myself. I only spoke about her --her beauty, sass, heart, worth, and value. Women who can not acknowledge the gifts and beauty of other women and only want “to take...” will always be poor in a myriad of ways. Heart-centered womanhood. Women can turn this world around when we begin to get deeply honest about what is living in our bodies and truly become women again and understand the level of power within it. Please consider revering/honoring those women who help to move you forward into new ways of being that will expand into limitless possibilities. Not become envious them, not steal their work but truly hold reverence and love and even cheer them on. Doing so helps to create more and more connection and love stories and less separation, fear and violence in our world. Everything is connected to everything, you see. The aim is to get better at loving and sweetness than we were conditioned to be at extracting and taking. When we do, a secret garden of vitality blooms abundantly, like the generous nectar that Spring and Summer summons from human bodies. Because beautiful people impact us in beautiful ways when we allow. Never forget that. --India Ame'ye

[hoetolegist]

Let me have a taste

Summary: Getting married is not something you want to do right now but sucking off the son of your mom's boss is

Warnings: sexual content, oral sex (m receiving), face-fucking, semi public, 2 seconds of jealous Stefan, oral sex (f receiving), protected sex, dirty talk, language (y'all know I like to curse), y/n is a riding pro, slight choking, explicit kinda

Authors note: this story was low-key an excuse for me to practice my blowjob writing skills lmao so the sex and the ending wasn't really thought out much nonetheless I hope you like it. p.s there's more plot than I thought oop-

Every time you flew down to Mystic falls to visit your parents, your mom always ended up talking about how disappointed she was about you being 24 and single. This time was no different. You sat at the round glass table with your mom and your dad, eating a casserole that your mom made a few hours prior to your visit. It hasn't even been 10 seconds into eating before your mom cleared her throat to speak, you mentally prepared yourself for what was to come

"Y/n" she began "you're twenty four. You need to settle down and start a family"

You inwardly groaned and rolled your eyes. This is a conversation that you were never able to avoid, not when you were 21, not when you were 22, not when you were 23 and not now. What your parents don't understand is that you are a very busy woman. It's not that you don't want a boyfriend, you'd love to have someone to come home to and talk about your day with but you just don't have time for one right now. Not only were you a young and attractive woman who just wanted to have her fair share of fun before she couldn't anymore but you also had a serious job that requires a lot of your attention

Your mom got married to your dad when she was 22 and then went on to have you at 24. She wants you to follow in her footsteps and start a family early so by the time you're older you don't have to worry about raising children. The thing is though is that your grandparents were millionaires, they coddled and spoiled your mom endlessly, to the point where she didn't need a job or to do anything for that matter so she decided start a family. Although your mom inherited her parents riches when they passed away, you refused to be spoiled rotten. You wanted to work hard for what you have and you did. You love and respect your mother but you refuse to sit around all day in a house too big, being a stay at home mom who does nothing but cook and clean

"Please don't start. I came here to see you and dad, can we not focus on my love life today" you said as you pushed your food around the plate with a fork, avoiding eye contact

Your mom placed her fork on her plate and sighed. "Honey I just want the best for you. I want you to start a family like me. What about that adorable Matt" she replied

"Mom no" you scoffed "wh- why would you even suggest that?"

Matt was a childhood friend of yours from middle school. You still hang out with him probably once or twice a year but you guys drifted apart a long time ago, there were no hard feelings, it's natural. Your mom loves Matt though, every time you see her she says "you and that Matt kid would make a great couple" or "he'll be your husband one day I'm telling you" but she hasn't even seen him since you guys were 18

The sound of your chair scraping the floor filled the room as you pushed back in your seat to get up. "I haven't talked to Matt in a while" you sighed and grabbed the plates before walking through the door that connected the dining room to the kitchen so you could wash your dish "and please stop telling your friends that I'm looking for a husband. If Mrs. Lockwood calls me one more time, I'm pulling my hair out" you said loud enough for her to hear

You began scrubbing the dishes as your mom walked in and leaned on the counter next to you, her brown bangs fanning messily over her forehead. "Okay I'm sorry honey. I just want you to find a ni-"

"nice guy and settle down" you finished for her "I know and I will. Just not now. There's so much I want to do for myself before I have to share my life with anyone else" you turned the faucet off and shook your hands before drying them on the kitchen towel

She sighed but prodded no more, just tapping the counter "okay honey, we have guests later today" she said before heading to the living room. Your dad leaned against the door frame and you knew he was going to say something, having heard that whole conversation. He shook his head before walking over to you and placing his dish in the sink. "She's just looking out for you in the only way she knows how" he kissed the top of your head "I'll talk to her about it okay?"

You nodded as he turned around and walked out of the kitchen. You released a heavy sigh and grabbed your phone off of the counter before leaving through the backdoor to get some fresh air. You had many messages from your friends, they must be worried since you haven't talked to them since you landed which means it has been two days now

[Caroline]

Y/n, are you okay?

I said text me when you get there remember??

Bonnie is gonna spam call the group chat if you don't answer

[Bonnie]

Hey! Just checking in

I stg you better not be dead

I'm calling

[2 missed calls from Bonnie]

[4 missed calls from 'the girls who care']

You chuckled to yourself upon seeing those messages. You decided to three-way call the group chat so you didn't have to go back and forth texting both of your friends. You sat down on the rocking chair as your phone rang

"You bitch" was the first thing you heard once the ringing stopped. Caroline picked up first then Bonnie, they were both scolding you at the same time and you just sat back on the chair and sighed since you couldn't get a word in yet

"Do you understand how worried we were?!" Caroline shouted into her mic

"Seriously, we were about to pack and fly down there" Bonnie added on a bit calmer but you could tell she was just as upset

You waited for them to get silent before you responded "I'm sorry guys. I didn't think things were going to be hectic as soon as I arrived"

They sighed because they knew exactly what you were talking about. The first and last time you ever invited your friends down to visit, your mom embarrassed you endlessly. Not the cute embarrassment when she talks about your baby pictures and coo over your squishy cheeks. No, the embarrassment that comes with getting yelled at in front of your friends for not wanting to get married at 22, the embarrassment of your mom practically telling your friends that they might as well kill themselves if they don't start a family early

"You need to put your foot down y/n" Caroline said with a huff "just cuss her out or something"

"She's my mother Care, I can't cuss my mother out"

"Sure you can" you could picture her rolling her eyes at you "all because she's your mom doesn't mean you have to take the constant disrespect"

Caroline was the one you don't go to for advice and the times you do, you don't really listen to her much. This time, maybe she was right, maybe you do need to put your foot down but if you were going to do it, it wouldn't be today. You waited for Bonnie to say something, anything. She's the calm one, the one that talks some sense into them when things were going wrong and you needed some sense right now

Bonnie sighed exasperated "Y/n, don't cuss your mom out. Caroline, stop suggesting stupid shit like that" you nodded as if she could see you "just sit her down and talk to her about it, your dad is on your side so both of you could team up and make her see that you can make your own decisions about your life and you don't need to be hassled for it"

You face palmed yourself "I've done that already Bonnie. I can't- I can't talk anymore, I've done enough talking with her"

That's when Caroline decided to speak again "well..." she started. You and Bonnie were prepared for her to say something absolutely useless but she said something that actually kind of peaked your interest. "Why don't you just tell her you already have a boyfriend? To get her off of your back at least for the rest of your visit" she said nonchalantly

"Wait- say that again" you demanded, getting up from the swing and pacing the back porch

"Uh, just tell her you have a boyfriend already?" She said it like it was a question "I mean it might be stupid but it could work. Your mom just wants you to settle down, tell her that you will and she'll be excited enough to leave you alone"

"Care you're a fucking genius!" you shouted, you kept your phone stable by using your shoulder as you pumped your fists in victory as if you had the idea yourself. "Gosh I love you guys so much. I'll have to talk to you later okay?"

This plan was absolutely fucking genius. Caroline can be on the dumber side sometimes and her ideas were over the top but there are times where she has those moments that made you want to grab her face and kiss her silly and now was one of those amazing moments.

"Wait" Bonnie tried "Y/n think it through first you can't just-"

You hung up. Of course Bonnie was going to have protests and you'll call her to talk about her opinions later but for now you have a plan and you want to get everything in your head situated first. You texted the chat saying sorry for hanging up so abruptly then you put your phone in the back pocket of your jeans before flinging the back door open

Nobody was in the living room so you threw yourself on the couch and turned on the TV just for some background noise while you sat deep in thought. Deep in the back of your mind you knew this plan would never work but if it did end up working out the way you hoped, you'd have a relaxing rest of your visit. Now you're certain that she'll ask a shit ton of questions, things like "what's his name?" And "when did you meet?" Or "why didn't you tell me this sooner?" So you came up with an answer for all of those questions. Once you came up with your fake backstory and a name to go with it, you decided to go up to your room and take a nap

You knew that you should probably get started on dinner but you were burnt out from the day and the constant nagging you had to put up with. The stairs creaked as you walked up two steps at a time. Your bedroom was still decorated the same from when you were 17 years old. Tacked onto the pale blue walls were multiple BTS posters, a light brown, wooden desk was pushed into the corner closest to the window and right in the middle of the spacey room sat a queen sized bed with pale blue sheets to match the walls and a heavy black comforter because your parents loved to keep the house cold

With a heavy sigh, you closed the door and went to the bathroom that was connected to your room. After washing up and cleaning your face you threw yourself onto the soft bed and curled under the comforter. Later you'll think things through more but right now you need to get some serious shut eye

"Y/n!" You heard a muffled voice shout out. It was your mom standing at the bottom of the stairs calling for dinner. She had a phrase for waking you up when you were a kid "two shouts before I come in and throw ice water on you". You realized that was her second shout once you heard the stairs creak with every step she took to come up

You rolled out of bed, your butt thumping the ground pretty hard. "Shit" you grimaced and lifted yourself to rub your right ass cheek before you heard your doorknob turn. Your mom flung the door open and stood in the doorway with a big blue cup in her hand, no doubt full of the coldest water she could find. "Hi mom, I'm up" you said groggily as she eyed you like you were crazy. You were sitting on the floor half asleep with one eye open, just your bra and panties on, rubbing your bruising ass cheek while your blanket was tangled around your legs, you could be seen as crazy. She opened her mouth to speak but shut it right away, just nodding and shutting the door quickly with a thud

Okay, so not the best way to say hello to your mother but if she knew how to knock she wouldn't have caught you in such a compromising position. You placed one elbow on your bed and another on your bedside table to hoist yourself up with a grunt. "Jesus fucking Christ" you mumbled as you dragged yourself to the bathroom to make yourself presentable. Your mom was inviting one of her co-workers over for dinner and she briefly woke up earlier to tell you to dress your best because there was someone she wanted you to meet

You thought that maybe she was trying to get you to talk to one of her friends so you could get a job in town, you knew how badly she wanted you to move back in with her and your dad. So when you walk down stairs in your black, tight fitted long sleeved shirt, camaflouge print cargo pants - cinched at the ankles, and black, leather converse high tops, you weren't expecting to see one of the most gorgeous men you have ever seen before in your 24 years of living. Your mom was talking to a lady who you assumed was her co-worker while the man looked around the living room, smiling at family pictures and touching the plants

"Oh Y/n you're here!!" Everyone looked at you at the announcement of your arrival. You waved shyly then walked over to your mom with your arms stiffly at your sides. She introduced the woman as Vanessa Salvatore, the CEO of Salvatore inc, the largest car company in all of North America. Your jaw damn near touched your toes, when your mom had said co-worker you wouldn't have thought that she meant the CEO of the goddamn company she worked at

The woman shook your hand firmly and called over the man who was walking around the living room. "This is my son" she said as he walked over. He was dressed in a white button-up shirt, paired with a grey suit and brown shoes, his dirty blonde hair was gelled back, a missed curl falling prettily in front of his eye. As he planted himself next to his mother you noticed that his eyes were a beautiful emerald green and his jaw was chiseled to perfection, it could cut through diamonds if he tried. He was devastatingly gorgeous, taking your eyes off of him would not be easy

"Hello, I'm Stefan Salvatore" he held his hand out and flashed a beautiful, toothy smile. You smiled right back at him and took his hand, shaking firmly like your mom taught you. "Y/n Smith, nice to meet you" you replied, trying to sound professional, this must be something important, pertaining to your mothers job. You pulled your hand back while he stared at you, intensely like he was trying to read you through your eyes. You were starting to feel kind of hot under his gaze so you turned around to go help your father set the table

Your father greeted you with a smile when you walked through the doors "hey honey" he said as he grabbed a stack of napkins "help set these plates, will you?" He kissed your cheek then walked past you to set down the napkins. While you grabbed the plates you heard the kitchen door swing open, you turned around to see who it was and there was Stefan, waving hello to your father as he walked toward you

"Y/n right?" Stefan grabbed the glass cups that were stacked on the counter next to you "sorry if I stared a little back there, you are a gorgeous woman" he said, you could see a slight smirk on his face, he's confident, that's either a good thing or a bad thing. "Thanks, you're a very handsome man" you returned the compliment before going to set the plates down. He followed you to the connected dining room and set a cup down beside every plate you placed on the table. A comfortable silence wrapped around the two of you as you both worked to set the table

After the table was done being set up you called everyone into the dining room to eat. Your mom cooked since you had taken a nap (you reminded yourself to apologize for that later). She made baked macaroni, sliced ham, sliced turkey, yellow rice with gravy and baked chicken. You were ready to dig in but guests first was the biggest rule whenever you had company over. You waited until their plates were fixed then you eagerly stood up and placed some of everything on yours

"So Michelle, I heard that the idea of two engines was your idea" Ms. Salvatore held a hand to her mouth as she talked. Your mom nodded her head "I was quite shocked at hearing that but after learning so much about you I could see that you are a smart woman". You smiled proudly upon hearing this, your mom had been working on that two engine idea for the better part of a year, when she finally got the chance to pitch it to her higher ups she was a big ball of nerves, calling you every two seconds before she had to be in the boardroom

Your mom bowed her head shyly "thank you so much Vanessa" she said gratefully, a hue of pink faint on her cheeks

Conversations flowed perfectly after that. Ms. Salvatore asked you questions like where you worked and where you lived now and you had answered truthfully. You were the head photographer at the modeling agency you worked at in New York, Lights up studios

Mrs. Salvatore's eyes lit up "Oh! A photographer? My Stefan is a model and he lives in New York too" she pat his shoulder "It's hard to get him to come visit since his schedule is very tight but he manages"

"Me too, I visit whenever my schedule dies down a bit" you cleared your throat and looked at Stefan "a model? You are very handsome" you noticed the way your mom looked between you two with a big smile on her face. "Which companies have you worked with?". You wanted to know if he ever worked with your company before, maybe before you began working there he had done some shoots

Stefan shrugged "uh, nothing big just-" he looked at his mom and sighed, she was obviously very proud of his profession "Gucci and Louis Vuitton, places like that" he scratched the back of his head, for some reason embarrassed

Your eyes widened and you put your fork down "Oh wow that's totally big. I would love to see your pictures one day". You could tell he was about to decline but his mom already had her phone in hand and pictures pulled up. Stefan's photos were amazing, he was a natural and whoever his photographer was, they were so very talented. Your breath caught in your throat at one specific photo from an underwear photoshoot, it was hot but it weirded you out that you were looking at it from his moms phone. You sat back up and started chewing on a piece of ham while his mom showed more pictures to your parents

Dinner was great. After you and your mom had finished clearing the table, everyone gathered in the living room. After thanking Mrs. Salvatore for coming over, your dad went upstairs to his room because he had to get to work early tomorrow. Your mom sat next to Mrs. Salvatore on the couch and they seemed to be talking about something important. Stefan was sitting on a recliner, looking a little lost so you decided to sit on the one next to him

"Hey" you said as you sat down "I apologize, I wouldn't have asked if I knew you were going to be a bit uncomfortable". You were feeling bad about his obvious discomfort when you asked to see his pictures. He obviously didn't like talking about his profession much and you didn't mean to pry

He flicked his wrist dismissively "It's fine. I wanted to show them, I just uh, get a little embarrassed when my mom starts to talk about it" he lowered his head "it's stupid"

You shook your head "it's not stupid, I know how you feel". Hearing your parents brag about you is the worst, especially when it's about something as big as what Stefan does. You couldn't even imagine your mom pulling out pictures of you to brag to anyone she has a chance to brag to

"I'm surprised I've never bumped into someone as sexy as you up in New York" Stefan suddenly leaned over and whispered into your ear, deep and raspy. Heat immediately pooled in your stomach at the sinful sound. He's obviously not shy when it comes to flirting, is what you thought to yourself

You chuckled "is that so?". What you did next was bold but you didn't care. You turned your head his way, he was still leaning close to you so now your faces were only inches apart, you could see the shards of gray in his eyes and the way his lips formed a lopsided heart. "Well Mr. Salvatore, now you know where to bump into me" you whispered against his lips. His eyes flickered to your lips then back to your eyes

Just as he was about to reply, Mrs. Salvatore called you both over. You got up at the same time and walked over to the couch. Your mom was looking around nervously and that made you nervous but you didn't say anything, you waited for whatever was about to be said. "Uh, we think you two should go out and get drinks. Let the adults talk some more"

You looked at your mother and just like you thought, she wasn't making eye contact with you. No way was she trying to set you up with her boss's son. "Mom, can I talk to you in the kitchen" you said with a fake smile on your face

"Honey" she laughed awkwardly "we have guests"

"Just for a minute"

You turned around and walked to the kitchen, knowing your mom would be right behind you. "Mom what the fuck?" You whisper shouted once she walked in and the door was closed "your boss's son? Are you serious right now?"

She raised a brow "excuse me young lady? Watch your mouth" she sighed "now it's just to see how compatible you two are. He's a sweet young man and if you're going to get married soon then-"

You threw your hands in the air and interrupted her with a groan "I don't want to get married mom, what don't you understand!"

She was pleading with her eyes now "Y/n just try, you might like Stefan, he's a sweet boy. And he has seemed to take a liking to you already"

"Mom I don't-" You sighed tiredly, you have no more fight left in you and no more strength left to even finish that sentence. Everything you tell her goes in one ear and out the other, you can't do it anymore so you just agreed. You glared at your mom one more time before leaving the kitchen, mumbling a quiet "nice to meet you" to Ms. Salvatore before snatching your car keys from the hook by the front door

"Let's go Stefan" you said with a little sass as you threw the front door open and walked out into the night. Stefan was right behind you, closing the house door and scrambling to sit in the passenger side of your black Mercedes E Class. Once in the car, you started it and exhaled heavily "do you mind if I bluetooth this?" You asked Stefan as you held up your phone, indicating you needed to make a call. He shrugged and sat back, buckling his seat belt

As you pulled out of the driveway the sounds of your phone ringing filled the car. You needed some sense right now before you angrily killed you and Stefan by driving off of the next bridge you cross so you called the only person who could give you some sense. "Hello?" A voice whispered, she was obviously sleeping and you would feel bad if you weren't completely pissed

"Bonnie, why the fuck do I put up with this shit? I can't talk to her and to hell with the fake boyfriend plan, that wasn't going to work anyway and I knew it wasn't the minute I put my head down to nap" you were going on and on, to anybody else the silence would mean Bonnie doesn't really care but you know she's just listening intently "I can't do this shit anymore. I can't keep coming down here and hearing the same shit and worrying about the next man my mom is trying to marry me off to in Mystic Falls. It's exhausting Bonnie"

You weren't even angry anymore just exhausted. You tried to understand your mom, you tried to sympathize with her, you tried to be angry with her but none of it is working. Nothing you do is going to stop the constant nagging and the constant questions about your love life and the silent judgement you get from her friends whose kids are already married

Bonnie hummed "what happened y/n? Did she tell another one of her friends that you want a husband"

"Basically. She invited her boss and the lady's goddamn son to the house for dinner then sent me out to get drinks with the fucking son" you chuckled dryly "she thinks I didn't notice her smiling at us like we were going to get married right there in the fucking living room"

Stefan was looking at you like you were crazy but you paid him no mind. He knew exactly what you were talking about because judging by the way his mom was smiling from ear to ear upon introducing him, she definitely told him he needed to start looking for a wife too

"Is he ugly?" Is what Bonnie asked, you saw Stefan smirk out the corner of your eye and this time it pissed you off so you said the logical answer

"Yes" you bit back a snicker when you saw his eyes widen "and he's shorter than a troll"

"Hey! You're a liar" Stefan said, pointing an accusatory finger at you

"IS HE IN THE CAR?" Bonnie shouted, you winced at how loud it was, leaning over to turn the car volume down a little

You released a laugh, high pitched and squeaky "yeah he is" you laughed harder "you should see the way he's glaring at me"

Before you knew it, all three of you started laughing. It felt nice to laugh like that and you felt less pissed. Bonnie then stopped laughing and called your name, you hummed in acknowledgment. "Just make the most of it okay? Don't think of it as your mom sending you off on a date, think of it as you meeting a new friend" she said

You nodded your head, she's right you need to think more positively. Stefan is funny and handsome, you won't marry him but you sure would fuck him if you had the chance. So why not make the most of it? "You're right Bon, thank you" you sighed "I don't know what I'd do without you". You said your goodbyes and apologized for waking her up then you hung up

"Great friend. Mine would've told me to push you out of the car and take the next flight back to New York" Stefan said once the call ended

You laughed and glanced at him "if I had called my other friend, she would've said the same thing" you stopped at a red light then leaned back in your seat "you're not ugly by the way or short" you said quietly, your joking demeanor long gone

"I know" he replied smugly. You scoffed in disbelief and amusement, so he's definitely not one to turn down a compliment

You shook your head as you started driving again "Salvatore you're something else" you replied, hearing him release a breathy laugh in response

It's a sound you've come to like, maybe a little too much

The music was blaring and you could barely hear the story Stefan was trying to tell you. You both agreed to go to a local night club called "Mindy's", great bar service and great bathrooms to suck someone off. Stefan was leaning back in the booth across from you, his legs were spread out and he had both arms propped up behind him, he threw his head back in a deep laugh at one of his own jokes and you swear it was one of the sexiest things you ever heard

You were still kind of upset about your mother trying to set you up to get married but you tried not to think about it here. You were with Stefan and more than likely going to get fucked tonight, why ruin that with complaints? You tapped on the table "do you want another drink?" You asked Stefan as you slid out of the booth to go get yourself your fourth one of the night. He nodded and allowed his eyes to roam your body as he handed you his empty glass. Your fingers grazed his as you grabbed the cup and you felt tingles from the warmth

You walked away confidently, certain that he was staring at your ass. "Two gin and tonics please" you said with a smile once you reached the bar. The male bartender smirked at you before fixing the drinks

"Here alone?" The bartender asked, his shiny black hair was messy like he had been running his hands through it and his eyes were a striking blue "I'm Landon by the way"

You hummed and replied "with a friend" then you let yourself stare at his plump, red lips as he ran his tongue across the bottom one. "I'm Y/n", the bartender looked at you with some type of intensity in his eyes, you knew he wanted you but you just wanted to flirt. Flirting always calls for a good time

He slid you your drinks then leaned forward "I'd love to take you out sometime" he whispered "I don't see many beautiful women like you in the falls". You almost rolled your eyes, these men don't seem to see beautiful women anywhere. You grabbed the drinks, lifting your brow at an extra he slid over, saying it was "on the house"

You smiled at him and thanked him for the drinks and compliment. "Maybe you'll see me around more" you said, knowing that you'll be leaving soon and not coming back for a couple more months. After telling him that you should get going, you turned around and headed back to your booth

When you got back to the table, Stefan was looking at you with his eyes narrowed and his jaw clenched. You decided to sit next to him instead of across from him. "Got an extra!" you shouted into his ear. He smiled, tight lipped and his eyes were sharper like he was angry. You asked him what was wrong but he just shrugged and said nothing so you hummed and started swaying in your seat to the music

"I want to dance"

Stefan just looked at you and raised a brow as if questioning why but you just grabbed his hand and drug him out of the booth. "Humor me" you said, placing a hand on his chest "just one dance"

He stared into your eyes for a few minutes then he took your hand and walked onto the dance floor. He spun you around, pressing your back to his chest "hm, I think someone else was expecting a dance too" he whispered, his warm breath fanning across your neck. Your breath hitched as he pulled you closer, sliding his left hand down your left arm to intertwine your fingers

He was jealous. You realized it in the way he held you possessively and the way he chose a spot right where the bartender could see you guys. It's not everyday you find a man as sexy as Stefan that wants you so badly so you caught yourself from smiling and decided not to comment on his jealousy

Instead you pushed your hips back as he placed his other hand on your waist to guide your movements. You could feel his heart beating rapidly on your back and you reveled in the feeling, you were making him feel like this. Eventually you were grinding up against him faster and harder and you could feel his breath picking up from the constant friction. You put your head back on his shoulder and closed your eyes, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth when he started to leave feather light kisses down your neck. "Mm" you hummed as arousal swirled in the pits of your stomach, you needed to fuck him now

"I want you” Stefan confessed, low and deep in your ear, his lips grazing your earlobe. “I would fuck you so well” he added, nipping the lobe of your ear afterward

You let out a little gasp when Stefan released your entwined fingers then spun you to face him. You were drunk off both pleasure and alcohol, a dangerous combination. Stefan then kissed you, so deeply and passionately that your knees almost buckled from the feeling. His lips were softer and warmer then you could have ever imagined, not that you had much time to imagine since you just met him not too long ago

You panted as he pulled back just a little "show me then please" you begged. You weren't even going to resort to begging at first but every time he touched you a fire ignited throughout your whole body and the only way to put it out is to feel him inside of you

“Begging already?” Stefan said, his lips still against yours

You whimpered and closed your eyes as he kissed you again. You needed Stefan and it's now or never but before you could tell him to take you to the bathrooms, he was already letting go

“Come on then” he teased in a low voice, sending a shiver down your spine. His hands trailed lightly down your back, just a teasing touch, before he gripped your ass. Then the touch was gone and his warmth was gone. You opened your eyes to see Stefan walking toward the bathrooms, he walked with his head held high and the crowd parted for him like the red sea

Before you knew it you were booking it to the bathrooms. As soon as you opened the door, you were pulled in and pushed against it. Stefan locked it then connected his lips with yours hungrily. You melted into his touch, enjoying the softness of his lips and the taste of alcohol on his tongue as he licked into your mouth. Stefan slid his hands under your shirt to squeeze your waist and the touch sent a lick of heat through your stomach. You pulled back and scanned his body

"Let me suck your dick" it was a demand but a question at the same time

He nodded with a groan "yeah okay". Stefan switched spots so his back was against the door and you were in front of him then he unbuckled his belt and pulled his pants down enough to get his dick out. Your eyes widened, you almost wanted to slap him for having such a perfect dick – it was long, thick and his pretty red tip was already dripping with pre-cum

You quickly sunk down to your knees and stuck your tongue out, licking a broad stripe along the vein on his cock. Stefan released a drawn out moan, letting the back of his head hit the door with a thud. "Fuck" he cursed under his breath as you started to suck on the tip. He put a hand in your hair, not pushing your head but just keeping it there

This turned you on though, you wanted him to grip your hair and fuck his cock down your throat. And you let him know that by sinking down as far as you can, then looking up at him with tears pricking your eyes. His grip in your hair tightened and his breathing picked up. "Okay shit, I get it" he said, smiling down at you and boy was his smile beautiful. "Tap my thigh whenever you want me to stop" he added before pulling his cock out to rub his tip on your lips

When you opened your mouth he took that opportunity to slide in, slowly, just until he hit the back of your throat then he pulled back again and slammed in harder. Your eyes watered but you just breathed through your nose, you wanted this. "So good baby" he breathed as he looked down at you with half lidded eyes. The praise make your pussy clench around nothing, wanting him to fill you up

Stefan gently fisted your hair with both hands as he began to thrust, moving your head along with him. "Those pretty lips were meant to be stretched around my cock" he said as he started thrusting faster, moans getting louder. You're sure anybody who was waiting for the restroom could hear him but that made it even hotter

Drool and tears ran down your face as Stefan brutally hit the back of your throat with each thrust, you closed your eyes and thanked the universe for not giving you a gag reflex. You moaned around his length, hearing him let out a curse from the vibrations just like you thought he would. You continued to look up at him as he stared down at you, he was breathtaking. His forehead glistened with sweat and his tongue swiped across his bottom lip every few seconds. He smiled at you in between a moan and it was the sexiest thing you had ever seen

Soon his thrusts were faltering and his cock was twitching against your tongue with the need to release. "Fuck- I'm gonna cum" he moaned as he put his head back and squeezed his eyes shut. His grip in your hair tightened as he thrusted one more time, stilling with a loud groan as he came hot and salty down your throat. You swallowed it all quickly then sucked on his tip a little more until he was pulling you off from over stimulation

"You're a fucking dream" he breathed out, his eyes following you as you stood back up and wiped your mouth with the back of your hand

"So I've been told" you replied with a laugh as you turned around to walk to the sink to wash your face and fix your hair

After Stefan tucked himself back in and buckled his belt back up he walked up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist. "I don't have condoms on me" he mumbled as he kissed your ear. You tried not to pout in disappointment. You were really hoping to get fucked tonight but you were fine with it, you didn't care much

"It's fine I don't need anything in re-"

"But I have my own place a few blocks away" he interrupted with a face as if he was trying not to laugh and coo at you. That was all he had to say before you were grabbing his arm and unlocking the bathroom door. Of course you cared, you wanted Stefan and he didn't seem like the blowjob and go type of guy anyway. You didn't care about the people staring at the both of you as you flung the door open and walked out

You and Stefan walked to the car in silence because if either of you spoke you'd probably just say fuck it and have the nastiest sex on your backseat. Electricity was buzzing through your veins and you were already wet from earlier, you know he could fuck you good and you're ready to be pinned down and fucked rough

Stefan had already typed his address into your phone's GPS so in just a few minutes you were pulling up a huge driveway. Your eyes widened as something akin to a mansion came into view. His house was fucking huge, there is no way he lives here alone and of course you talked first and asked that very question. "You live here? Alone?" You asked your car came to a halt by the entrance

He shook his head and replied "not alone". You raised a brow and asked with who and he told you that he has a three year old puppy named Rose that he keeps with him every time he visits Mystic Falls, giving the puppy to his parents whenever he isn't here. For some reason you felt a sense of relief at the confirmation of nobody else living there but you ignored it because what would you be relieved for?

When you walked in the house you didn't even have time to process how big and beautiful it was inside before Stefan was grabbing your waist and smashing ypur lips together. You yelped as he picked you up and you quickly wrapped your legs around his waist. "You're so fucking sexy" he said in between nips on your bottom lip. He carried you up a flight of stairs with his lips still connected to yours, not pulling away until he threw you on a big bed in a bedroom way too big for one person. You sat still and looked around as Stefan went to go grab condoms out of his dresser

The room was huge but very bland like something you'd imagine a guest room to look like but you knew it was his room because of the single picture of him accompanied by a tall man with black hair that sat on his dresser. You wanted to ask questions but you didn't want to pry too much

Soon Stefan came back with three condoms, you lifted a brow and giggled. "Three? Are you trying to kill me?" You asked in faux disbelief. You can handle three rounds but you aren't sure if he can, not with you

He laughed lowly while moving to hover over you. "Just hoping you can keep up" he said before pressing his lips against yours, you wrapped your arms around his neck and wrapped your legs around his waist as you pulled him closer and kissed him back harder. You could kiss Stefan forever, it was like your lips were made to be on his

You both grinded against each other before Stefan pulled back to start kissing down your neck. "Tell me what you like" he said as he nipped a sensitive part on your neck "I'm open to anything" he continued, detaching his lips from your neck so he could pull your shirt off, you complied by lifting your arms

"Mm" you moaned as he kissed around your breasts, you indeed wore no bra. Your breasts are big but not too big so you were able to pass without a bra sometimes. "I like rough but not too rough, I don't want to bleed. I like to be choked and please don't hesitate to leave marks, it turns me on". You placed a hand on the back of his head as he started sucking on one of your hard nipples. "If you're too silent I might get up and leave in the middle of it" you laughed when Stefan softly bit your nipple trying to hold back a laugh. "I'm serious, be vocal, I like to hear how good you feel" you said, looking down in time to see Stefan wink at you

"Of course I'll be vocal baby" he mumbled against your skin as he was switching to the other nipple. You shuddered at the pet name again and closed your eyes thinking of more things to tell him

"If I say pineapple that means stop"

Stefan released your nipple with a pop "you better pineapple the shit out of me if you feel any bit of discomfort, got it?" He said with a small smile. You replied with a simple yes before helping him pull his shirt off

This man was carved by angels then double checked by the Greek Gods, you've never seen abs so chiseled and defined. Your mouth hung open as you shamelessly swept his torso with your eyes. Is it weird to say someone has pretty nipples? It probably is but that didn't stop you. "You're nipples are so pretty" you blurted, mentally face palming yourself once you said it

"Thanks" Stefan smiled then pinched one of your nipples "so are yours"

"Just fuck me already" you huffed with a playful roll of your eyes

Stefan kissed you again as he pulled your pants and panties off, quickly pulling his pants and boxers off as well. He stared open mouthed at your pussy and you were about two seconds away from covering up before he began to run his fingers along your glistening folds. He spread you open with two fingers "fuck you're so wet" he removed his fingers and brought them to your lips, you willingly opened your mouth to taste yourself like he wanted you to

He watched you with a hungry look in his eyes which spurred you on more. As much as you wanted to get fucked, you loved the foreplay, you know your orgasm is going to be so much more intense when he does get around to fucking you. You dragged your tongue in between his two fingers and you sucked hard, reminding him of the blowjob you gave him back at the club. "Shit" he whispered, voice heavy with arousal. You released his fingers then watched him move down so his head could be between your thighs

"Gonna taste you first" he said then he stuffed his face into your pussy

You arched up and released a sigh when he licked a stripe up your core and to your clit. He wrapped his lips around it, sucking hard as you grabbed the sheets on either side of your head and squeezed your eyes shut. It felt so good and you wanted so badly to hump his face. "So good Stefan" you whined when he swirled his tongue around your clit then moved to push his tongue through your pulsating hole, using his thumb to rub your clit

It was messy, you were so wet for him and you could hear the way he slurps on your pussy, it pushed you closer and closer to the edge. He pushed two fingers into your hole at once and it felt so good with just a small sting. He hooked his fingers, hitting your g-spot right away. "Right there" you whined breathily, pushing back on his fingers

He was so good at this, knew exactly what to do with his fingers and mouth. But you needed more, you wanted to cum on his cock. You tapped his head "fuck me" you looked at him through half lidded eyes and squeezed your own nipples "I want you so bad" you said, moaning softly when his pressed a kiss to your core

Stefan nodded and quickly sat up on his knees and opened one of the condoms. You watched as he rolled it on then pumped himself a few times. It was hot, he was hot. "Relax for me, okay?" Stefan whispered, rubbing circles into your thighs as he lined himself up with your hole. A quiet moan left you as he pushed in excruciatingly slow, his eyes stuck on where you two are now connected. He rests his hand down on your mound, thumb rubbing small circles into your clit as he rocked his hips into yours

"Shit" Stefan muttered softly to himself. He hadn't really set a pace yet, just lazily rolling his hips and enjoying the feel of your warm, wet pussy squeezing him so tightly. "Fuck you feel so good" he grunted out as he began to speed up his thrusts, fucking into you so hard that his neighbors could probably hear the slap of skin against skin

Stefan slid his hand up your torso to squeeze one of your breasts, rolling your nipple between his thumb and pointer finger. "Oh my God" your eyes rolled into the back of your head, his cock hit your g-spot with each thrust inside of you. You gripped his sheets to keep yourself from sinking your nails into his biceps. "Deeper please Stefan" you whined, not knowing how he could get any deeper but you need him to try

"Ride me" is what he replied "if you want it, then ride me" he challengingly quirked a brow and smirked. He was obviously teasing you but with no hesitation you put your hands on his shoulders and pushed him back, allowing his cock to slide out of you so you can hover above him

"You're so fucking sexy" He whispered as you positioned yourself above his cock and sunk down, he was just in you but the stretch was still there, it was a dull pain. His fingers dug into your sides harshly, hard enough to leave bruises and you'd smile about it if you weren't trying to fit his cock in you

You circled your hips a few times before lifting yourself up and slamming back down. You set the pace and made the movements quick and harsh. Stefan slid his hands down to your ass, helping you bounce up and down on him. "You ride me so well" Stefan groaned, eyebrows furrowing out of pleasure

You couldn’t help but clench around him from the endless praise, the action causing him to buck his hips as he moaned “yeah, just like that”. One particular swivel of your hips had you both groan in unison as you worked his cock to find your sweet spot. You locked into the feeling desperate to find it by grinding his cock deeper because it was right there, making your eyes roll backwards into your head. "Oh F-" you shuddered as you found the spot you were looking for

Stefan looked at you with eyes fogged with pure lust. There was no way he could close his eyes when you moved like that above him. He lifted his hips up to meet yours and although you weren't planning on cumming so quickly, that pushed so far over the edge, you couldn't even see straight as your orgasm knocked the breath out of you. Your vision was blurred, the dull ringing in your ears made your head pound and your body convulsed embarrassingly on top of Stefan

Your pussy fluttered violently around his cock, gripping onto it in a way that made Stefan's body shiver from pure pleasure. He’s moaning loudly, no longer being able to hold back. He brought a hand up to wrap around your throat as he planted his feet on the bed, sat up slightly and started fucking up so hard into you that you damn near saw stars

Both of you were sweating heavily and your skin was burning hot by now but you didn't want to stop, no matter how far you were pushed into oversensitivity

You could tell he was close when you felt him twitch inside of you so you used all of your energy to circle your hips to meet his thrust. "Fuck y/n" was the last thing you heard being whispered near your ear as he spilled inside of you, collapsing on top of you but not entirely as to not crush you

You both layed there for a few minutes breathing heavily. You tapped Stefan's shoulder to tell him to get off of you. With a sigh he pulled out of you and flopped onto your side, pulling off the condom and tying it up. "You're really a dream" he chuckled softly as he threw the condom into a small garbage bin by his bed

"So you've said" you looked at him and smiled. The silence was comfortable, just both of you basking in your post orgasm glow and waiting for your breathing to calm down. Suddenly your phone rang loudly, you sat up quick and felt around for it, picking your pants up off the floor and pulling it out of the back pocket

It was your mom calling, you looked at Stefan with wide eyes and put a finger over your lips. "Hello?" You stood up and paced the room, not bothering to even put your undergarments back on

"Y/n, where are you? It's almost one in the morning"

You bit back the scoff you so badly wanted to release "I'm with Stefan mom. Did you forget that you sent me off to get married to your boss's son?"

She sighed heavily, you could picture her leaning against the counter, rubbing her temples. "But that doesn't mean stay out all night doing God knows what! You still stay under my roof while you're here"

This time you did scoff, rolling your eyes as well "mom excuse my language but what the fuck?" You shook your head as Stefan looked over at you in concern "you begged me to leave the house with a random guy in hopes of me getting married so you can relive that through me, you don't get to lecture me when I don't come home for a couple of hours"

"Now Y/n watch-"

She tried to speak but you just needed to let this out so you interrupted her. "He could've been a serial killer or a kidnapper and if anything had gone left you wouldn't even be hearing my voice right now" you felt your eyes sting with tears, trying as best as you could to blink them back before they could fall "you're lucky that I'm with someone who actually makes me feel a bit safe. I'm not coming home tonight and I'll be packing tomorrow and going back to New York. I love you but I don't love the constant nagging about my love life, you don't respect me or my wishes mom. I'm sick of it" you tried to catch a tear before it slipped but it was too late "get some sleep okay? Goodnight, I love you" you hung up the phone and just stood there, butt naked and facing the wall with tears silently rolling down your face

You wiped your face and took breaths before turning around "uh, I'm gonna go" you walked to the bed and started putting your clothes back on and Stefan just watched. You didn't know if he wanted to say something or if he just didn't care but either way you just wanted to go. As you were putting your shirt on that's when Stefan got up, quickly going to his closet to rummage through a whole bunch of clothes. He pulled out a pair of black gym shorts and a white sleeveless t-shirt

"It's not much but if you uh, want you can take a shower here and stay here for tonight" he scratched the back of his head with one hand while he held out the clothes with the other, it even looked like he was blushing a little, you couldn't help but crack a small smile

You bit your lip to try to hold the smile back "are you sure? I don't want to impose or anything" you said while grabbing the clothes from him

"You're not imposing" he walked up to you and lifted your chin up with his fingers "don't let your mom force you to do anything you don't want to do" the look in his eye made you want to obey every word he said so you nodded your head. He searched your face "I'm serious y/n. I love my mom but if I had allowed her to force me into marriage I wouldn't be who I am today, doing what I love. You're a beautiful woman with a lot going for you, if marriage isn't what you want then don't do it"

Without really thinking about it you pulled him in for a kiss. Both of you were still naked but it wasn't a sex hungry, heat filled kiss, it was passionate and slow and it made butterflies flutter in your belly, you've never felt that before. You pulled away with a big, dopey smile on your face "I won't do anything I don't want to do" you whispered, biting your lip to conceal yet another smile

"So you wanted to kiss me like that?" He teased with a huge smile on his face. You turned away from him and began walking to the bathroom, answering his question by looking over your shoulder and inviting him in with a tilt of your head

"Come shower with me and I'll let you know what I really want"

He laughed loudly and you couldn't help but join in, it was so contagious. "Oh you crazy crazy girl" he said as he followed behind you, ready for whatever you had to offer him

Maybe you don't plan on getting married anytime soon or dating to be honest but Stefan has become a constant in your life and you'd like to keep it that way and when the time comes when you both want to settle down, it wouldn't be too bad if it was with him

[kai-anderson-whore]

Can I have an Evan request? Could it be that they have an age gap (I’m 22 lol) and she is insecure and it ends with fluff and maybe smut??

Of course sorry it took a bit to write and I hope you like it🥰

Do you love me? (Evan peters x fem reader smut)

Summary: you and Evan have been secretly dating for six months but you don’t want to hide anymore

Warnings: smut, fluff, p in v intercourse, self doubt, questioning of relationships, private relationships let me know if I missed anything

Word count: 1,6k

•¤❅¤•.•°˚˚°•..•°˚˚°•.•¤❅¤•.•¤❅¤•.•°˚˚°•.

You sat on your boyfriend's bed strolling through instagram seeing all the photos of the event he had attended last night. You hadn't attended the event since you and Evan weren't publicly a couple. You knew Evan likes to keep his personal life private but you couldn't help but feel insecure you had been dating for a little over six months and you couldn't go and do normal couple things because no one knew.

You could say you love him but neither of you said it yet. He was a few years older than you you were 22 and him only just turning 36. You knew if you both came out publicly about your relationship some may have not so nice opinions but you didn't care. Evan made you happy unlike anyone had before in previous relationships. He is kind, funny, humbling despite his line of work and just the most sweetest person ever.

You just worship the ground that man walks on. But the worry and insecurities still remain within you, 'I'm I really good enough for him?', 'does he love me?', 'is he going to break up with me that's why we aren't public?'. The thoughts ate you up. Biting your nails looking at how happy he was in photos with other celebrities.

Your thoughts were interrupted by Evan walking in with a towel wrapped securely around his waist, droplets of water dripping from his hair. "Hey babe" he smiled sweetly grabbing some clean underwear and sweatpants from his drawer. "Hey" you mumbled still lost inside your head you hadn't realised that Evan placed a chaste kiss on your lips.

"You okay?" He asked noticing your lack of awareness. You nodded your head saying you were fine but Evan knew you weren't. "Are you sure you look like your about to cry, come on babe talk to me" he whispered now sitting down in front of you. Your head hung low in shame the tears pricked your eyes.

"Hey don't cry" his voice become more soft like you would crumble at any given moment. His arms wrapped around your frame as you just sobbed into his arms. Evan just let you cry everything out till you were ready to talk, his hand rubbing your back soothing you, soft whispers of "it's okay" and "just let it all out" whilst placing his lips on top of your head.

You stayed huddled into his bare chest for about five minutes just letting all the buildup of your suppressed emotions out finally. "Evan do you even like me?" You asked not looking into his eyes fearing they would show you something that you didn't want to see. Evan scrunched his face in confusion not knowing where this had came from. He was absolutely smitten with you from the moment he laid eyes on you and it was beyond him why you would think differently.

A soft chuckle of disbelief and nervousness left Evans lips "what makes you say that?" He asked his hand still stroking your back comfortingly. You finally looked up at him seeing a pang of hurt within his brown orbs. "It's just your friends know about us and that but we can't even go out in public because we aren't official I'm not caring about the media and all that I just want the hiding to stop it's killing me" you sobbed more.

Evan hadn't realised that it upset you that much. He would love to be open about your relationship to everyone but with the past and who he is he preferred to have a private life. "I didn't know it upset you y/n I completely understand why it is upsetting you but I want you to know over these past six months you shook up my whole world for the better, and yes I do like you a lot in fact it's not even that anymore" Evan paused taking a deep breath unsure if he should drop the bomb on you both at this moment.

"It's what Evan?" You asked feeling scared incase he took his words back. You studied his every feature focusing more so on his perfect brown eyes. They showed something more towards you. Evan parted his lips licking them "I love you y/n" he blurted out. Your eyes went wide he finally said those three words that you had been dying to hear.

"W-what" you lowly gasped not fully processing what he just said. "I love you and I'm so sorry for making you feel like this and questioning my feelings towards you. but god y/n I love the bones off you and we should go public about your relationship" Evan remained his strong eye contact with you. You felt your heard swell with joy from his words. The tears that treacle down your face went from sorrow to pure joy.

"I love you too Evan" you whispered a smile cracked on to Evans lips before crashing them on your own plumped ones. The kiss wasn't like anything before it was soft yet full with passion, like he was trying to express himself more or like it would be the very last kiss you'd ever have.

His hand placed on your cheek holding you close. your lips moved in sync your hands tangled through his locks as he gently pushed you further down the mattress his body shifted between your legs, his hand moved to your side caressing your soft skin from beneath your thin nightdress. The other supporting him upright. You could feel his erection hidden by the towel on your inner thigh slightly grinding against the bare skin for friction.

A small whine left your lips as Evan pulled away only to remove your nightdress only leaving you in your underwear. "God how did I get so lucky" he happily sighed before pressing his lips back on yours. He swiped his tongue along your bottom lip seeking entry which you accepted. Your tongues danced with each other your hands trailed along his arms down to his chest driving Evan wild.

Your hands went lower hovering over the towel covering him, slightly tugging on the fabric for it to drop off Evans hips. You bit your lip in excitement as Evan began pulling your panties down discarding them on the wooden floor. You could feel the heat raising within your heat the anticipation clawing at you waiting on his next move.

Evan lined himself up with your entrance your core desperate to be fulfilled. With one gentle push of his hips he entered slowly into you, you lowly gasped your hands on his shoulders. Your face scrunched as Evan pushed deeper into you but his lips peppered along your skin as a way to focus on something else.

“It’s okay baby” he whispered in your ear pulling out almost fully before thrusting into you passionately, a moan left your lips your hands making their way to evans back slightly digging your nails into his back earning a groan from him.

“I love you so much” Evan’s hot breath fanned your face, a droopy smile on his lips, passion and admiration within his brown eyes. “I love you too” you hummed lightly as Evan picked up a steady passionate rhythm. Both of your breathing became heavy, your mind clouded by Evan you were completely like putty in his hands.

The room soon was filled by moans and grunts from you both. Evan started to pick up the pace of his thrusts into you, his head dipping into your shoulders, your hands tugging at his hair driving him wild. A repeat of “I love you’s” left both your lips. It wasn’t like anything you did before it was like you both unlocked this new passion for one another a whole new meaning as your body’s united as one.

“I’m so close Evan” you moaned out your hips bucking upwards as Evan hit that spot guaranteed to make you see stars. “Me too baby” he says slick sweat decorating your skin, you hair tossled over the pillow but Evan thought you couldn’t get anymore beautiful. The way your eyes would roll back with each thrust he delivered to you, the your lips would part open letting your moans slip freely like music to his ears.

With a few more thrusts you felt that knot in your core begin to unravel. another loud moan left your lips as you reached your climax, your back arched a “fuck fuck” you cried out the euphoric feeling of your orgasm triggering Evan’s filling you up with his hot seed. His thrusts were sloppy milking you through your highs till he practically collapsed on top of you.

All you could hear was heavy breathing your hand strokes the back of Evan’s neck trying to regain your breaths. “I really mean it y/n I love you” Evan stated glancing at you with those eyes that always captivate you into a trance. “I know I love you too” you smiled sweetly with sleepy eyes.

Evan pulled out of you a whimpered sigh escaping from your lips at the loss of contact. Evan grabbed a towel helping you get cleaned up. You throw on your nightdress back on once you were all clean Evan discarded the towel in the dirty laundry basket in the corner of the room before climbing into bed with you.

You laid your head on his chest, his arm wrapped around you holding you close. “Goodnight y/n” he mumbles sleepily “goodnight Evan I love you” you yawned eyes closed but you could feel him smiling down at you “I love you too”.

[doverstar]

THERE WAS NO OTHER ENDING FOR ROSE and ya know what, I like to think the doctor thinks so too

I think he does too! I’m gonna talk about it, are you ready for me to talk about it? Are you ready for an essay-

I think the Doctor would agree that the ending Rose got—the one with Tentoo on Pete’s World—was the best possible fate for her. I’ll explain why, because I feel like it. First I’ll break down Rose’s most popular alternative-endings. Let’s start with Rose-stays-with-him-until-she-dies. That’s the one Rose decided on long before Canary Wharf. She planned on staying with the Time Lord until she physically couldn’t anymore. Forever.

First of all, that would be painful for the Doctor. He already said it. Watching Rose get shot, drowned, stabbed, sucked into a black hole, sacrificed for a remote planet’s civilization, poisoned, pulled into a void, atomized, eaten, possessed, run over, diseased, or ripped apart would be traumatic and terrible for the Doctor.

Watching Rose grow old and tired and then die would also be incredibly painful. He might try to prolong her life in alien ways, even in medical ways, but then she’s subjected to an unnatural, un-human existence until death claims her. Making a naturally-decaying body stick around and eke out another year, another hour, another century while he watches, exactly the same as ever. Yikes. Not fun for either of them. No thank you. He was against that ending with good reason.

Now, this ending where Rose stays with him until she dies? It is no less an emotional commitment to make than the one every married couple on Earth, every affectionate relationship on Earth, makes. Friends, family, spouses. You will lose them. You have to decide to love them knowing that.

The Doctor does love Rose, but he can’t tell her or admit it aloud because to do that would be facing a reality he’s not willing to face: he loves something he will inevitably lose. The old coward will not do it.

I believe that if Rose wanted to stay with him until she died, knowing she has a shorter lifespan but committing to holding his hand until she could not hold it anymore because he needs that and she can give it to him, and she knows he loves her back—100% yes girl, go for it. That is good and right and fine and she should be allowed to make that commitment. That’s love. That’s literal marriage vows. That’s unconditional, unwavering, and Rose is the first companion in 60 years of TARDIS passengers to love him like that. And he knows it. And it’s scary. But. Even in marriage, that is a commitment that has to be agreed upon by both parties. And the Doctor did not agree. The Doctor, selfish old man, is too afraid. He doesn’t want to watch Rose die, and he tried to explain that to her without confessing anything, and she heard him and tried to explain to him that she decided he would always have her if she had anything to say about it, not for her sake, but for his. (“Who’s gonna hold his hand now?” “I made my choice a long time ago and I’m never gonna leave you.” “Forever.”)

Now. That’s the first option for an alternate ending for Rose. She stays with him as a mortal and he has to watch her die, and they either dance around expressing their love in an unspoken, inexplicit way until he loses her and it’s agony, or they jump in with both feet and enjoy the time they have left, however many days Rose has before death, with the knowledge and understanding that he will outlive her, which is agony but with kissing. Still not 100% happy because one of them is, well, in agony. With a significantly long life stretched out ahead of him to spend as a widower. And it would fundamentally change the nature of a 60-year-old television show, but that’s another Ask for another time. Next is the Immortal!Rose AU, or the Bad Wolf AU. Personally, I don’t care for this AU (though I get the appeal and I do sometimes wish it could be that way). I used to think it was a good idea, and sometimes it's still sweet and I can see it, but the older I got, the more I disagreed with it. Because really, it doesn’t work. The AU’s idea—or its most popular explanation—is that Rose, by absorbing the Time Vortex and looking into the heart of the TARDIS in The Parting of the Ways, retained one slice of her godlike powers: she became immortal. Even after the Doctor kissed her and took the Vortex away to save her. The most-used version of this is that neither Rose nor the Doctor are aware that Rose was left with immortality until Tentoo ages and she doesn’t, or her family ages and she doesn’t.

The reason why I don’t think the Doctor would ultimately want this ending for Rose? The Doctor himself would not recommend immortality. He knows it’s ultimately a devastating existence. He himself has a ridiculously-long lifespan. Time Lords are supposed to only have a certain number of regenerations, but each regeneration, if left to age naturally, lives a long freaking time. (With the new Timeless Child nonsense, who knows, apparently the Doctor exclusively is immortal? I pretend I do not see it.) And then if they should die of old age, they regenerate and another chapter of life begins. So the Doctor knows what it’s like to essentially be immortal. And he doesn’t like it. He doesn’t like watching his friends die around him. He doesn’t like knowing he will outlive the people and places he cares about. He hates it. “Immortality is everybody else dying.” “In the end you just get tired. Tired of the struggle. Tired of losing everyone that matters to you, tired of watching everything turn to dust.” That last line, the Lazarus speech, sounds familiar because it’s something similar, interestingly, to what Rose said when she was the Bad Wolf. “Everything comes to dust.” Immortality is not a blessing. Immortality is absolutely a curse, and the show treats it like a curse. It’s not just never dying. Immortality is being alone and being unnatural. It’s bad. It’s not a good thing. If you were a 100% perfect person with a 100% perfect memory, it might be doable, but it’s not an easy existence. It sounds awful actually. We saw it with Ashildr (terrible idea). She’s miserable. She never really stops being miserable. Think about this: the Doctor is (kind of) immortal. He never stays in one place for too long, and he is careful to bring along far more mortal traveling companions wherever he goes. The Doctor once told Amy that he brought her with him because he can’t “see it” anymore (meaning the universe and its value), but he brings Amy and others with him because they can see it. “And when you see it, I see it.” What is everyone always telling him? Don’t travel alone. Not because he’s lonely—even though he totally is. It’s because when he is alone, the Doctor becomes a hazard, not a help. He starts to feel like he can do whatever he wants. I mean, think about it. He starts to feel like his judgement is infallible, because he’s basically a god, isn’t he? But no one should have that much power. It takes a lot to kill him, he’s a genius, and he has a time-and-space machine. What can’t he do? After a long, long, long time of living and being alone, essentially in an echo chamber with himself, the Doctor would lose empathy and compassion and humility just like anyone else. Because he’s not perfect. But he brings friends along to remind him he can stop now. To remind him we don’t walk away. To remind him that the universe has life in it that is worth saving, and that there is such a thing as right and wrong, and that he is not God, and that there is no such thing as little people. 900 years of time and space and he’s never met anybody who wasn’t important before. He needs his friends to hold him to the mark.

So—the Doctor knows that being immortal basically means that in the end you’ll see everything come to dust. If you’re not careful, you won’t be you anymore. And nothing and no one else will be themselves to you, either. You will lose the people/places you care about, and you will be alone, and you will stop caring. And then not only will you be wretched, you’ll be dangerous. Someone who doesn’t care is dangerous. It’s Ted Bundy. It’s evil. But it’s okay, I hear you saying. If they had each other, he would always have someone to hold him to the mark! Well - yes and then no - Think about Rose. Rose Tyler is a young human woman with so much empathy and sympathy. She is “so human”, in the Doctor’s own words. She is imperfect, and selfish, and petty, and easily angry and easily jealous. She is also impossibly compassionate, even towards the most ruthless murderous species. She’s kind and generous and brave and has a strong sense of justice. She’s often very selfless and very loving. Especially toward the Doctor. She values doing the right thing. A lot of those traits are found in the Doctor’s other friends (he chooses them with great care). But Rose is different. The Doctor is in love with Rose. And Rose is a lot of ‘firsts’ for Doctor Who. She’s the first companion to inspire change in a Dalek. She’s the first companion to tell him she’s in love with him. (Jo loved him, Sarah Jane loved him, Grace loved him, yes I know there were others.) She’s the first companion to be a real, proper onscreen equal to the Doctor, and not in a She’s Basically the Doctor But A Girl way, like Clara Oswald tried to be. She is not his assistant, his carer, his associate, his sidekick, his adoptive daughter, adoptive little sister, biological granddaughter, or his partner. Not to be Emily Bronte, but these two characters have the same heart. Like recognized like and fell in love. Perfect complementation. That is also another Ask for another time –

RTD said that Rose “humans [the Doctor] and he Time Lords her”. He brings out the courage and confidence in her that makes her so exceptional as a human, things that turn her into a hero, things she already had in her that the Doctor pulled forward. In turn, she brings out the compassion and humility in him that makes him a hero instead of a villain, things he always had in him that she pulled forward, adding humanity which would otherwise be easy for him to cast off.

But she can’t human him if she isn’t human anymore.

The things that make Rose an exceptional mortal would no longer be exceptional if she were immortal. The good traits would be a duty to retain, and the bad traits would be a poison to keep at bay. Because Rose is on a different level when it comes to her relationship with the Doctor, she could, for a time, help hold him to the mark. They would be exactly as we saw them in the show—passing by, helping out, saving the day, loving one another, making one another better. And then after eons go by, they would be each other’s echo chamber. Rose is the Doctor’s equal? Given eternity to stagnate in, what was once a strength would quickly become a weakness. Rose is not perfect and the Doctor is not perfect. Rose would not always be able to “see it” anymore either, even with the Doctor there. Same goes for him. They might be together forever, but Rose would be watching her mother, father, brother, friends, and family all age and die. She would hate that. But it would be okay because she has the Doctor, right? I agree with that. They have one another. So they’re never alone. That’s good. But Rose would not be a Time Lord. She’d be an immortal human. Ashildr 2.0, finite memory in an infinite body. She’d become detached, unable to appreciate the universe, and she’d stop investing in mortal relationships because they all end eventually. All she’d have would be the Doctor—and that’s wonderful, but after a while it would stop being a special thing that they have one another. Don’t look at me like that; it would. Okay, no – no - even if the Bad Wolf powers allowed Rose to have an infinite memory to go with her infinite body, fine, let’s say they did, she and the Doctor would still end up with “a backyard” as Eleven called it.

And eventually they would both think that the two of them, together, have the best judgement in the universe and should be treated as gods, and they will stop caring (except about each other, which doesn’t sound good for all the little people who are not part of that relationship, can you say unhealthy?). Or else they will become enemies, the way the Master and the Doctor became enemies. Or they won’t be able to travel with one another indefinitely, the way Ashildr, the Rani, River, Clara, and Romana can’t travel with the Doctor indefinitely. Because it would become toxic for everyone. And they would be back to being miserable, wouldn’t they?

(And – again -  let me finish beating this tiny horse here: if you think Rose Tyler would heal fairly quickly - say, ten centuries in - and warm up to the reality that she has outlived other humans because she is really no longer human, we aren’t thinking of the same Rose Tyler.)

The Doctor would not wish the curse of the Time Lords on anybody, especially not the woman he loves. He would not agree that immortality is the happiest ending for Rose, or even for himself and Rose. There’s a very real chance that immortality would ruin Rose. He wouldn’t do that to her. He loves her.

And here we go, here’s my freaking point - The Doctor loves Rose. So he would give her what she wants, even if it means sacrificing what he wants. Putting her needs before his own. That’s love. She knows that; she was trying to do that for him the whole time!

But what does Rose want? Adventure in the great wide somewhere? No. Rose wants love. Rose wants the assurance of real, true love. Rose wants to love and be loved. And when she finds that, she is darn good at it, and she will do her best to keep it. AND THAT IS ANOTHER ASK FOR ANOTHER TIME, HOOOO BOY DON’T POKE ME- The Doctor cannot give Rose what she wants using himself, or even the thing that will make him happy too, for a time—because to outlive her would be absolutely terrible, and they both know it, and because he will not put her through the curse of immortality. (She doesn’t want to live forever anyway.)

But he can give her what she wants in the form of Tentoo. Are you kidding me? A 100% exact copy of the Doctor? The same face, same mannerisms, same hair? All the memories of loving her and longing for her in his head? And he only has one heart? He’ll grow old at the same time as Rose does? Plus, hi, he actually was born in mini wartime and needs the very influence Rose provided for his ninth self? Come on. What else was he going to do? Of course the Doctor and Tentoo gave her this chance. When Rose asks him “What was the last thing you said to me?” The Doctor could have said “I love you”. He was going to say it. It is canon that he was going to say that he loved her if the connection hadn’t been severed the first time. And for him to say it then, they both knew, would have been all Rose needed to hear. She would have gone with him and Donna and died. Or gone with him and Donna and become immortal somehow, hey I hear there are these random Mire repair kits kicking around out there in the universe, they make people immortal, funny we never saw them before now, I hate you Moffat- But he didn’t say it. He said “I said ‘Rose Tyler’.” And she gives him one more chance to say it. “How was that sentence gonna end?” “Does it need saying?” Well, no, it doesn’t. We’re not asking you to confirm it. She’s not asking you to confirm it. It never needed saying. You both knew it was love. We knew it was love. A hundred times over, it was love on display.

But she is asking him to make a choice—and he chooses to let her go because he loves her.

It’s not a question of love. They give each other a chance, both of them. Don’t make the mistake of thinking Rose had no choice. She asked both of those Doctors to tell her they loved her, and she chose the one that said it out loud, after learning her options. She learned one of them would grow old and was offering to spend forever with her if she wanted. She learned that one of them was genuinely choosing not to say he loved her on purpose.  She made an informed decision. (Yes, she ran after the TARDIS when it left. Wouldn’t you?) The Doctor would agree that Tentoo is the best ending for Rose. Tentoo would agree (because he is the Doctor, and bonus, he gets to have Rose Tyler). Because this, this ending where she gets Tentoo, which is our fancy term for differentiating between two versions of exactly the same man, don’t go there with me-

This ending where she gets Tentoo is genuinely what she always wanted. She didn’t want to live forever. She didn’t want a boring life, but she didn’t desperately want adventure over all else. She wanted love. That’s an adventure anyway. Love. And she loved the Doctor. And she got to have the Doctor, and not lose him, or watch him lose her. And the Doctor, our full Time Lord Doctor, had the assurance of knowing that he did the best he could do for the woman he loved.

(Plus, because yes please, in an official deleted scene which has been confirmed to be intended as canon, Tentoo and Rose have a chunk of TARDIS coral and are growing their own, so they get to see the universe too, so you can’t even complain that all is not as it should be in that sense.) It is sad, because the full Time Lord has to carry on without her (that’s how the story always goes for him, and it should be because without loving and losing, an immortal alien will not have the periodic wake-up call he needs to remember that there is value in people and in relationships and in caring), and it’s sad because Rose won’t see him again, and it’s sad because we won’t really see Rose again. But for her, it is the best ending. It is the kindest, fairest ending. And I think the Doctor would agree.

[bullet-prooflove]

Send me a made-up fic title and I'll tell you what I would write to go with it

You Did All Of This...For Me? But Why? Why Would You Do That?

Tagging: @kmc1989 @topmagtiger @ireadfanfictionontheweekends @flopiboni @evee87

Nolan doesn’t celebrate his birthday, he hasn’t for a couple of years now. People think it’s because he hates the idea of getting older but the truth is there’s never been anyone special in his life to share it with. His relationships have always been casual and his friends are the type you talk law review with, they’re more likely to stab you in the back so they can hijack your case than raise a glass to your success.

When he walks into his office that morning, he doesn’t expect the balloons tied to his chair, the birthday banner strung up across his book shelves or the brightly coloured confetti sprinkled across his desk. There’s gift bag perched in the centre of his desk alongside a cake with his name written neatly on it.

He finds himself smiling despite himself because he knows exactly who the culprit is.  He’d let slip by accident that he had a birthday coming up and you’d been appalled that he was going to spend the day like any other. You’d coerced him into dinner that evening, somewhere expensive on you. He’d tried to protest but you weren’t having any of it.

He spends the rest of the day with a lightness in his chest because all of this, it’s evidence that someone cares about him, that someone wants to put their time and their effort into him.

“Why? Why would you do all that?” He asks you over the best pasta in New York that night. “I don’t understand why you would go to all that trouble.”

“Yea you do.” You say, your eyes locked on his as you take a sip from your wine glass. He shakes his head and you sigh as you set the glass back down again. Your hand comes to rest on his, thumb chasing over the hollow of his wrist as you lean in close and say.

“I’m in love with you Nolan, I thought you would have worked that out by now.”

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[absurdthirst]

Holding Back {Dave York x F!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 11.9k

Warnings: Virgin reader, mentions of unrequited feelings, mentions of sexual assault, college parties, mentions of virginity, finger, oral (female receiving), loss of virginity, mentions of cheating, public confrontations, broken engagement, mentions of past crimes (rape, abuse, murder) confession of love.

Comments: You've been in love with Dave York since you were a child. Growing up with him, you convince him to take your virginity in college, and he gives you one night. One night before he disappears for five years, only to show up at your engagement party. Not realizing his dark past haunts him and threatens to keep him from you.

Co-written with @storiesofthefandomlovers

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|| MasterList || Dave York MasterList ||

Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

You remember the day your older brother introduced you to his best friend Dave. You were sixteen and in high school. Dave and your brother were in college. He was older and you were in love from the moment you met him. His dark eyes were all you could think about every night and you knew your crush was one sided.

Dave would hang around the house with your brother, who was living at home to save money to put towards a car, and your stomach would explode with butterflies when Dave would come around. When you were seventeen, you and Dave were good friends, the natural progression from Dave always being at your home. You’d watch movies together, go out to eat. You felt like you were bored of high school, ready to get to college and be like them. Yet, you would remind yourself that you haven’t even been kissed. It’s embarrassing, never having a boyfriend while all your friends had dates to prom and all you could do was nurse your crush on Dave.

One night, your brother had gone to bed early, complaining about a headache, and Dave was watching tv with you, his arm thrown over the sofa behind you, and you turned to him. “Can you kiss me?” You ask and his eyes widen. 

“Wh-what?” He chokes and you sigh, “I- I’ve never been kissed. I just - I want you to be my first kiss.” It takes everything you have to ask him, knowing he could reject you and you’d be left with your crush and the embarrassment that he doesn’t want you. Why would he? You’re still in high school. You get lost in your mind while he stares at you in shock.

Dave seriously considers it, wanting to kiss you more than anything. He’s wanted to kiss you for a couple of years even though he knows it’s wrong. You’re too young for him, too innocent. Your brother would kill him. “Sweetheart-“ he frowns slightly and his eyes flicker down to your lips. “I’m too fucked up for you.” You don’t know his background, the broken home he comes from. Your brother hadn’t told you about his past. His father beat the shit out of him and his mother until he had defended himself at sixteen and ended up killing the bastard.

You frown, wondering what he means by that. You want to demand he tells you what he means, explain himself, and you are upset by his rejection but you knew you were kidding yourself about him. He doesn’t feel the same way. “You don’t have to come up with some shitty excuse, York. Just say you don’t wanna kiss me.” You scoff and shift to stand up, wanting to go cry into your pillow. “I’ll, uh, I’m gonna go to bed.” You rush out of the basement and up the stairs to your bedroom, collapsing on your bed to cry about Dave not wanting you.

Huffing, he watches you rush upstairs, wishing that he knew what to say. He’s not good. He knows that. Plus, he’s going to be going into the Marines soon. It would be stupid to start messing with you. You aren’t a one night stand and that’s pretty much all Dave has. You’re the type of woman you marry, have a family with. He sighs and lays back down on the sofa, wishing he could kiss you. He knows you would taste so sweet.

****

After that awkward night, you had tried to avoid Dave but you ended up settling back into your routine with your brother and his friend. Maybe less nights spent with Dave and more with your friends from school. You tried to forget about that night and managed to push it to the back of your mind. Eventually, you graduated high school and ended up in college just as Dave went into the military and your brother stayed for his masters degree. Dave decided that college wasn’t for him not long after that dreadful night where he rejected you, and he joined the Marines. He’s back now from deployment and when you see him at the college party, your heart pounds in your chest. It’s been about two years since you’ve seen him and he still makes your heart skip a beat. That night, your brother had met up with his girlfriend and asked Dave to drive you home, trusting him with your safety. You had only had a beer and you admired his profile as he drove you home. “You know, I’m surprised you didn’t go off with some random girl.” You chuckle, hating that your never ending crush on him makes you hate the girls whose faces you never got to see.

“You are my responsibility tonight.” Dave grunts, glancing over at you with a frown. “I wouldn’t leave you with those drunk fuckers. I’d kill them if something happened to you.” He growls, gripping the steering wheel tightly as he imagines what would happen. What could happen. He’s never liked some of the fuckers at that party and had made sure they steered clear of you. If he left, they might have tried to chat you up.

The protective growl makes your body shiver and he reaches for the AC, "are you cold?" You shake your head, leaning back in your seat to watch him drive. 

"I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself." You say and he snorts. 

"I know you can but men...men can be monsters. You should never let your guard down at shitty parties." He orders and you smirk.

"Yes sir." You salute him and he wants to roll his eyes, knowing you are innocent to the dangerous ways of the world. He's seen too much already and he will be damned if he can't protect you as much as he can. "Not like any of them would want me. I'm - well, I'm not the hottest or most popular girl there. I- for fucks sake, I'm a virgin. Why would they want me?"

Dave grunts, his cock twitching when he hears you are completely untouched. He thought for sure that douchebag you had taken to your senior prom had fucked you. “Because you are a virgin.” He looks over at you for a long moment and watches the way you frown slightly at his comment. “Knowing they are the only one to touch you? To fuck a tight, virgin pussy? They wouldn’t care if you were conscious or not. Or if you wanted it.”

Your stomach twists at the very thought. “I- I guess I didn’t think of it like that.” You admit, biting your lip as you stare at him, his jaw is clenched and he’s gripping the steering wheel. You know the words coming from his mouth shouldn’t turn you on but to hear Dave speak so crudely has you clenching around nothing. “What if…what if you solved that problem?” You ask as Dave turns onto your street. 

“What do you mean?” Dave asks, wondering if you want him to kill those assholes. He probably would without hesitation, to keep you untouched. 

“What if you come into my room tonight and fuck me? I want you to take my virginity.” You tell him, heart pounding in your chest. You still have such a painful crush on him, and you know he’d take care of you.

“You’re drunk.” Dave grunts, even though he knows that you’ve only had one beer the entire time you were with him. It’s not alcohol saying that and his cock twitches at the thought of taking you to bed. You aren’t a high school girl anymore, you are an adult. Gorgeous and sexy in a wholesome kind of way. 

“You know I only had one beer.” You protest and he grips the steering wheel even tighter. 

“You want that?” He demands. “I can’t- if I did, it would be one night. Then you would have to get over this little crush you have on me.” He’s trying to protect you. To save you from the demons he has. He wouldn’t be good for you and knows it.

You are shocked, mortified that you haven’t hidden your crush from him, but then you remind yourself that you haven’t exactly been covert. You asked the man to kiss you for God’s sake. “I- one night.” You promise, “one night and that’s all I’ll ask of you.” You assure him, knowing that it won't be enough but it will have to be. You’ll have to live with the memory of having him but never actually having him. It will be one night.

He’s quiet for a minute, waiting for you to change your mind or tell him that he is joking. When you don’t, he swallows harshly. “Tell me now what you don’t want me to do to you.” He demands, knowing that he had very little experience with a virgin. No experience, really. He doesn’t want to make it something that you hate. “All of it. Every last detail.”

You lean towards him as he pulls up outside of the building you point out to him. “Wouldn’t it be easier to tell you everything I want you to do to me?” You tease with a smirk, trying to be more confident despite your stomach twisting with nerves. What if you aren’t good enough for him? 

“Be serious.” He orders and you nod, clearing your throat. 

“I don’t - I don’t want any- I don’t want to be choked. Or spanked. I am not sure if I like that stuff. I don’t want anal.” He snorts, as if he was gonna fuck your ass when you’ve never had sex before. “I don’t want you to be too rough with me.” You know he’s not soft, he never has been, but you hope he could make an exception for you.

Basic sex. He can do that. “I’m going to go down on you.” He decides, knowing that you need to be ready. “Finger you. Make sure you are ready because my dick is big.” He’s not trying to brag, but there have been plenty of girls who were sluts who had complained about taking him. “Are you on birth control?”

You nod, “yes. The pill. I take it for my heavy periods.” You tell him, your entire body already on fire as he kills the engine to his car and you fumble to take your keys out. Your apartment is shared but your roommates will be out still. “Dave.” You beg breathlessly, hand on the car door as you push it open, eager to get inside and have the man you’ve dreamed about since you were sixteen.

Grunting, Dave pushes the car door open. Aware that he is doing something that your brother would kill him for. “You tell me to stop.” He demands. “No matter how guilty you feel or how far we are into this.” He won’t touch you until you promise him that. His soul is stained beyond salvation already, but he won’t blacken it by betraying your trust. “I don’t care if I’m halfway finished - you say something.”

You nod and he reaches out to gently grip your chin as you turn towards him when he shuts the door. “Words, baby.” He orders and your mouth goes dry but you squeak out, “I- I understand.” You fumble with your keys until Dave takes them, opening the front door and he lets you in, his ears and eyes listening for anything as you turn the lights on.

It sounds like you have your place to yourself. “Go into your bedroom and get ready, baby.” Dave orders softly, knowing you might need a few minutes to get ready. “I’m going to get some water.”

You nod and rush into your bedroom, shutting the door behind you, and you start to freak out. This is Dave. Fucking. York. The man you’ve wanted for years and he’s going to fuck you, take your innocence. You inhale deeply, trying to calm down, and you clear your throat. Focusing on getting ready, you head into your bathroom to clean up, deciding to put on some lip balm, and you wonder if you should try and find the lingerie you bought on a whim a few months ago but you don’t get to change when Dave is knocking on the door. You check your appearance in the mirror and clear your throat, opening the door to see Dave standing there. “Hi.” You murmur, suddenly nervous, but you won’t change your mind.

He closes the door behind him, flicking the lock and closing the two of you into the space. “Hey.” You’re nervous, he can see that so he sets the glass of water down and kicks off his shoes. Reaching for his shirt to pull it up over his head and toss it aside. Smirking when your eyes widen at the sight of his broad shoulders and abs. It’s not like you haven’t seen him shirtless before but this is different. His dog tags come off, dropping them on your dresser and he steps towards you. “I expected you to be naked.” He chides playfully, his eyes dark. “You wanted me to undress you, baby?”

You swallow harshly, hands lifting and your fingers twitch with the urge to touch him. There’s a scar on his shoulder and you reach up to tentatively touch it. Dave’s eyes shut, allowing himself one moment to be affected by you, before he pushes that aside. “Come on baby.” He reaches for the hem of your shirt, hesitating for a moment but you nod, telling him to take it off. He does and your bra is nothing special, cotton and nothing overly sexy but the way Dave’s eyes darken make you feel like the sexiest woman alive.

“Hmmmm.” Dave slides his hands around you, leaning in to hover his lips over yours teasingly. “Always wanted to see these.” He hums, flicking your bra open and pulling back without kissing you to draw the straps down your arms. He wants you to beg him, need him to kiss you.

You lean in to try and press your lips to his but he won’t have it. You huff and he chuckles softly, leaning back to admire your tits and you swallow harshly, enjoying the way he licks his lips and your stomach twists, hoping he likes what he sees. “Dave.” You whimper, reaching up to cup your own tits, squeezing them.

“What do you want, baby girl?” Dave smirks at you, watching the way you waver between flustered virgin and horny. “You have to tell me.” His hands slide down your sides and back up, brushing his fingers under your breasts.

“I want you to touch me.” You let go of your breasts to reach for his hands, bringing them to your chest and you whimper when he eagerly cups your tits. “Dave.” You moan, “please don’t tease. I need you.”

Growling, his hands squeeze your tits, just to the point of hurting you before he eases up. Letting go of one to slide his hand around. Your back and drag you closer so he can kiss you. Pinching your nipple to make you gasp, Dave slides his tongue into your mouth with a moan of approval.

You grab onto his shoulders, loving how every pinch sends tingles down your spine. “Oh fuck, Dave.” You moan into his mouth, hands exploring his shoulders and back. His hands squeeze your tits until they slide down to your ass and he kisses down your neck, making you moan. “Oh God.” You pant when he takes your nipple into his mouth.

He chuckles and bites down on the hard tip, loving the way you shudder and moan for him. Your fingers run over his short, military haircut and he wishes that it was long enough for you to pull. He soothes your nipple with his tongue and then bites it again, wanting it to be tender and for you to want more by the time he’s done.

It’s like nothing you’ve ever felt before, his mouth on your breast, and he switches over to the other, offering it the same attention to make you moan his name. “Oh God. I need-” You are breathless and dripping in your cotton panties, needing more from the man bending over you. “Need more.”

He pulls off your breast with a satisfied pop and smirks up at you. “Good girl.” He purrs, squeezing your ass. “Take off your jeans and lay down on your bed. I want to see how wet you are.”

You pull back, nodding as you reach for the button on your jeans and you shove them down along with your panties. You’re bare before him and his dark eyes trail along your body but you feel empowered by it. You shift to lay down, inhaling deeply before you spread your legs to display how wet you are. Your body already feels like it’s on fire and you are struggling to breathe, wanting him so much it hurts.

“Fuck.” Dave huffs, his cock twitching in his jeans and he has to reach down to palm himself. Adjusting before he flicks the button open for a little relief. “I shouldn’t touch you.” He admits, staring at your cunt hungrily. “But I’m going to. I’m going to put my filthy hands on you and take your innocence.”

His words make you whimper, knowing that this is somewhat wrong. He’s your brother’s best friend. “Please baby.” You beg and he kneels on the bed, eyes devouring your cunt like it’s his last meal on earth. You watch him until he surges forward to slide his tongue through your folds. No fanfare, it’s dirty enough to make you squeal and your thighs close around his head until he’s pushing them back, forcing you open for his hungry mouth.

Dave doesn’t stop, groaning at the taste of your sweet pussy. Keeping your thighs pushed back so he can flick his tongue over your clit before he slides down to push his tongue inside your soaked walls, wanting you to scream his name in pleasure before he fills you with his cock.

You gasp at the sensation, so foreign yet so damn good. “Oh shit.” You whimper, reaching down to push on his head. Instinct driving you to demand more from him. “Oh fuck Dave. More.” You plead and you moan when his nose pushes against your clit. It’s unlike anything you’ve ever felt before and you’re addicted to it, to him.

He would pull away, tease you for being so damn greedy but he can’t. Not when you are trying to roll your hips down and chase your pleasure. He groans, moving one hand so he can flick his tongue over your clit while sinking a finger into your tight, virgin cunt.

It’s an odd sensation but enjoyable, his finger pushing inside of you and you rock your hips up into his mouth, never seeming to get enough. “Oh fuck, Dave.” You pant when he pushes another finger inside of you, stretching you and it stings a little but you like it. His tongue flicks over your clit again and again and you are soon lost as you clamp down on his fingers, a moan escaping your lips as you cum.

He can feel how wet you get. The rush of heat over his fingers makes him groan happily. Feeling them squelch as he sucks your clit into his mouth to overstimulate you. Your hips jerk up and you gasp out his name as he sucks. Blindly pushing at his head when it’s too much for you and he finally lets go with one last flick of his tongue as he scissors his fingers and pushes a third finger in.

He’s stretching you out and pulling you apart, making you whimper at how good it feels to have him like this. His fingers push deeper inside of you with each pump of his wrist and your hands scramble to find a grip on the sheets. “Dave. Shit.” You cry when his thumb presses against your clit, changing the angle.

“Good girl.” Dave growls out, turning his head and nipping your thighs with his teeth. “You’re gonna cum for me again. Not gonna fuck you until you do. Until you can take every inch of my cock. Then I’ll take your virginity, baby girl.” He feels the way you clench down around him when he talks to you, figuring that you like his voice. He is a harsh man in a lot of ways, but he wants this to be something you never forget and look back on with a fondness that lasts.

His words combined with his voice has you thrashing and he throws his arm over your waist, wanting to keep you still. “Dave. Dave. Dave.” You pant, knowing you’ll never feel like this again after tonight has your heart clenching. One night only then you’ll move on. “Oh shit.” You hiss in pleasure when he curls his finger and it doesn’t take long for him to pull you apart piece by piece until you’re clamping down on his digits once again.

Dave groans when you come apart for him again. Knowing that in just a minute he will be sliding inside you again. He can’t tell you how many times he has jerked off thinking about you. Wanting you. He can’t have you. Because of your brother, his own past. But he can have this. He can be the only one who can claim that he is your first. Kissing your hip while he feels you cum, having you melt into a puddle. “Good girl. Such a good girl for me.” 

“Your good girl.” You murmur, lost in the haze of your orgasm. It’s insane how good you feel, nothing from your own hand has ever felt like this. Dave shuffles off of the bed after he withdraws his fingers, sucking on them while he works on pushing down his pants with one hand. When his fingers are clean, he shoves them down along with his briefs and your eyes widen as you sit up to see his cock. “Wow. I- Wow. I see what you mean.” You murmur, knowing he would have hurt you if he had fucked you without foreplay.

Smirking at you, Dave wraps his hand around his cock and slowly pumps it. He’s been hard since you first mentioned taking your virginity and he smears the precum around the tip. “You want me to wear a condom baby?” He asks seriously. He doesn’t care if you are on birth control, he wants you to be comfortable with the protection you have. “I- it’s been awhile since I’ve fucked anyone and my last test came back clean. But I don’t care. If you want me to get a rubber…” he has one in his wallet.

You shake your head, knowing you’re only going to get this one time with Dave and you want to experience everything you can. “No condom. I- I’m strict with my birth control. I promise.” He nods, pumping his cock for another moment until he’s kneeling on the bed and you reach out to wrap your fingers around him. “Dave.” You whisper, feeling how velvety and hard he is.

“Fuck.” Dave grunts, enjoying the feeling of your hand around him. You aren’t squeezing him hard enough but your innocence makes him twitch. “Lean back baby.” After a minute of you slowly stroking him, he can’t take it anymore. Betting your hand away so he can shuffle closer and nudge the head of his cock against your soaked entrance. “Ready, baby girl?”

You exhale shakily, nervous, but you nod. “Yes. I’m ready.” You promise and he starts to push inside of you. It’s a strange feeling but not painful, you watch him as he pushes deeper, slowly rocking his hips to work you open and his jaw is clenching. You slide your hands down his chest, resting your palm over his heart, enjoying the way it pounds under your touch.

“Fuck.” He hisses, wanting to close his eyes and savor the feeling of your hot, tight walls wrapping around him. But he can’t. Not when he gets to watch your face. See the changes as he finally pushes deep and is embedded completely inside you. So deep that he doesn’t know if he could ever pull out. “Fuck, baby girl. Feel so good.”

You caress his chest, adjusting to him, and you whimper when he twitches inside of you. “Dave. You- you feel so big inside of me.” He’s stretching you out and you are certain you have never felt so complete. It’s like this is meant to be. “I- oh baby. I want you to move.”

Dave grunts, leaning in and pressing his lips to yours while he slides his arms under your back. He’s going to move slowly to start, giving you the friction you need and still giving you more time to adjust. “So fucking tight.” He huffs against your lips.

You lift your legs up onto his hips, sending him impossibly deeper inside of you. “Fuck. Oh shit.” You pant, tossing your head back and he eagerly kisses down your neck. Your hands caress his shoulders and back, nails scratching when he hits something deep inside of you.

Chuckling breathlessly, Dave concentrates on pulling you apart. Deep, measured thrusts tailored to make sure that you feel every inch of him inside you. Loving the way that your cunt squeezes him. “Love it, don’t you?” He grunts out, nipping your chin before kissing your lips again.

You sigh into his mouth, wanting to confess that you love him but you can’t ruin this. He will pull away and you couldn’t take that right now. “Love it. So much.” You pant when his fingers find your clit, and your walls flutter around him. “Shit. That - oh God that’s good.”

Dave groans, rocking his hips as he rubs your clit. Wanting to feel you cum around him. This is his only chance to touch you and he wants it. Wants you to cum so he can change positions. Put your legs up on his shoulders and destroy you. Then put you on your knees and make you scream his name. Take you all the ways that he imagined fucking you for when you stay away from him. 

“Fuck. Oh yes. Yes. Just like that, baby.” You pant, eyes closing as the pressure builds inside of you. It takes a few more rocks of his hips and you’re falling apart. “Fuck.” You moan, eyes rolling into the back of your head as you clamp down on his cock, soaking him with your cum.

“Shit, shit.” Dave has to stop moving, too close to blowing his load when you start to cum. Holding himself deep inside you while he rubs your clit and feels your cunt fluttering around him. “Jesus, baby, you’re so fucking good.” He praises, watching your face while you ride out your first orgasm on a cock, his cock. “You’re going to be so fucking tired when I’m done with you.” He promises. 

You already feel dazed, offering him a lazy smile, and you caress his chest. “Fuck. I want more.” You chuckle breathlessly, already craving more of him and you know that this time won’t be enough but it will have to last you a lifetime without the man you love. “More.” You demand, squeezing him with your walls.

He hums, sliding his hands down to your legs and starts to lift them up onto his shoulders. Turning his head to bite one of your calves before he folds you over and presses them back towards your head. “Tell me if it’s too much.” He cautions you, knowing that he will want to fuck you harder than he had been for your first orgasm. Pulling his hips back and plunging back into your tight cunt with a harsh snap of his hips down. 

You practically scream, the new angle makes him feel even bigger and you cling to his forearms. “Oh shit!” You squeal, cunt squelching as he starts to push deep inside of you. “Fuck! Baby!” You throw your head back, nails digging into his arms and you whimper at the feel of him inside of you.

Dave grits his teeth, hissing as he fucks you. Harder and faster than before, every thrust is designed to make you squeal. Making sure you will remember the night that he fucked you. He feels your walls clench around him as he holds your legs and pushes them down even more. “Fuck, so good for me. Letting me fuck you like this.”

Each thrust has you falling apart at the seams, whines and squeals escaping your lips as you become completely entrapped by him. “Fuck. Dave! Dave!” You scream, cunt dripping onto your sheets until he pushes your legs back just a tiny bit more and hits something that makes you shake. It’s devastating and each thrust makes you feel like you’re about to pee. When your orgasm hits, it destroys you, stars flashing in your eyes as you soak him with a torrent of your cum.

The way you soak him makes him shudder. Stomach clenching and your thighs shake next to his head. The way you cry out his name sticks while him, searing into his brain and he knows it will be a sound he never forgets. Dave hisses as he pulls back looking down at where you drip down his stomach and pelvis, soaking your bed underneath your ass. “Fucking shit.” He smirks, pulling out of you and reaching down to flip you over. “One more and then I’ll cum.” 

You’re already exhausted, unsure of if you could handle another orgasm, but then you remind yourself that tonight is the only time you’ll have Dave like this. Your body shakes as he pulls you back onto your knees and you fall forward onto your elbows, ass in the air, and you gasp when he swats it. “Oh. I- I like that.” You admit, knowing you told him you weren’t sure if you wanted to be spanked but the feel of his hand on your ass makes you shiver with delight. “Do- do it again.” You request, looking over your shoulder at him.

Smirking, Dave’s hand connects with your ass and he puts a little more force behind it. “You are fucking filthy.” He mocks you, slapping your ass again before you can even beg for another one after he hears you cry out. “Such a little slut.” He knows you aren’t a slut, you have only had one man. Him. His cock slides back into you and he groans as he slaps your ass once more, enjoying that your ass has his raised handprints on the globes.

You gasp as he pushes deep and his hand comes down on your ass again. “Fuck! Dave!” You cry, fingers curling into your sheets as he starts to fuck you hard and fast. It has you gasping for air as he knocks the breath out of you but it’s so good. Sweat beads on your forehead and you moan when his hands squeeze your ass, using it as leverage to thrust harder. “Oh. Oh. Ohhh.” You warble, losing your ability to think at this stage, only able to feel him inside of you.

This position is for him. Watching your ass bounce as his cock plunges into you. Rocking your hips back as he pushes forward. Fucking you exactly like he has wanted to. “Fuck.” He groans your name, speeding up his thrusts until he can barely do more than grunt. 

You can't do anything but let him fuck you. Your body almost vibrates from each thrust into you and you rest your cheek on the sheets. "Fuck." You squeak, reaching beneath you to try and rub your clit. You want to cum again, feeling it build up inside of you.

He knows that he will leave bruises under your skin. He wants to leave them. Wants you to feel him long after he’s done with you. Remind you that he was inside you, that he had touched you. He watches the way your hand sinks between your thighs and you start to rub your clit. “Greedy.” He grunts, smirking at the way you are chasing your pleasure. 

You know you'll think of this long after he's gone, will possibly feel him for days, and you want to savor every moment of pleasure you can take from him. You reach behind you to grab his hand from your hip, bringing it to your clit. "Yes I am." You want him to take over, to completely own your body, possess it until he leaves your bed.

Dave chuckles, making sure that his hips slap against your ass. His fingers circle your clit, rubbing the bundle of nerves to make you squeeze him like a vice. Enjoying how fucking tight you get when your cunt flutters. If he was the type of man to keep someone, he would keep you. Just like this. Around his cock all day, every day. 

“Oh shit, Dave. Baby. I’m gonna - you’re gonna make me- oh. Oh fuck!” Your voice cracks as you cum once again. Your body almost protests it but it can’t deny Dave as you clamp down on his cock, soaking him. You collapse forward, unable to remain on your knees as your body shakes against the mattress.

Following you down to the bed, Dave doesn’t stop fucking into you. Grinding his cock deep and reaching up and wrapping his hand around your shoulders to pull your head back. When your head turns, he presses his lips to your messily. Grunting and groaning as he fucks into you just five or six more thrusts before he buries his cock deep and starts to fill you. Painting your walls with hot spurts of cum. 

You moan into his mouth, reaching back to grab his neck to push his mouth harder against yours while he rides out his orgasm. His cock twitches inside of you for several long moments before he stops, kissing you with his tongue sliding against yours. When he pulls back, you slump down to the bed. “Holy fuck.” You smile, absolutely exhausted. You’re not sure if you could move.

His hand caresses your hip gently as he chuckles. Pulling out of you to watch his cum well up and slide down your lips as your cunt flutters and pushes him out. “Now, you aren’t a virgin.” He grunts proudly. “Stay here. I’ll get a rag.” He shuffles off the bed and pads towards the door. Looking back at you slumped down on your bed and smirking at the way he wrecked you. No way you wouldn’t forget this. 

You let him clean you up and you aren’t sure what you expected. Maybe for him to get in the bed beside you but he grabs you some water and a snack from the kitchen before he starts to dress. “You don’t want to stay?” You ask, knowing you’re pushing him but you don’t want this night to be over yet.

“You know I can’t stay.” He glances over at you as he pulls his pants up and tucks his cock away. If he stayed, you would hope that this could turn into something more. He knows that you have more than a crush on him, you think that you are in love with him, but you aren’t. You can’t be. Not if you know what he is. Reaching for his shirt to put on. “Watch your drinks, make sure you keep your fucking taser on you.” Dave instructs you. “Tase them in the fucking balls if they don’t take no for an answer.” He knows he will be deploying soon and he wants you to listen to his advice. “Only fuck someone if you want to.” 

You nod, watching him as your heart breaks. He doesn’t feel the same way and it’s obvious. You promised him you’d move on and you’ll try. You’ll try to forget about him but you know no one will ever be able to compare, no one will make you feel like he has tonight. You shift to sit up, uncaring of being naked as he finishes dressing. You stand on shaky legs and he reaches out to steady you. You reach up to cup his cheek, “I know you could only give me tonight and I promise I’ll try to move on but I want you to know I love you. It’s always been you, Dave. Be safe. Please.” You beg, eyes burning into his.

You collapse against him and his arm wraps around your waist, keeping you close, and you whimper at the way he’s kissing you like you’re the only thing in his world. It makes your heart pound and break at the same time, knowing you can’t be together. It’s too complicated. You let him kiss you for as long as he allows until he’s pulling back, placing a soft kiss on your forehead. “I’ll see you around, sweetheart.” He promises and you nod, tears stinging in your eyes as he reaches for his car keys.

****

It’s been five years since he’s seen you. Five years of glancing at your social media to see what you have been up to since he had gone dark. Deploying three times within a year just so he wouldn’t be tempted to come back to see you. The only reason he is here now is because of what this is. Your brother inviting him to your engagement party. Some asshole that you had apparently moved on to. He was happy for you, but fuck if he isn’t jealous. Keeping the memory of you with him as he had moved from the military to the private sector. Nearly dying two years ago when a mission went south, he had left the military and joined the DIA. No excuse not to come to this party to celebrate your upcoming marriage. Adjusting his tie, Dave opens the door and steps inside the venue, looking around for you or your brother. 

You are talking to your future mother-in-law when you look across the room and see him. It’s been five years and you still feel breathless when you see him. Heart lurching and you swear it’s like you’re back in college, like no time has passed. You excuse yourself from your future mother-in-law, about to make your way across the room, when your hand is taken by Matthew. Your fiancé. He’s sweet, predictable, and safe. Everything Dave isn’t. He has these beautiful blue eyes and you know he could make you happy, that’s why you accepted his proposal, knowing that Dave hasn’t ever come back into your life…until now. That night, the night he took your virginity. You hate him for it. No one else has compared. No one has ever made you feel like that. Sure, you’ve had more partners since that night until you met Matthew, but you only orgasm remembering the way Dave wrecked you. Matt is sweet, always going down on you and he tries to help you finish with toys but it’s not the soul consuming orgasms you had with Dave. 

“Hey baby.” You greet Matt who has been circling the room and he leans in to kiss your cheek while your brother finds Dave. 

“Hey man. Fuck, you’re actually here. Thought you’d have some work bullshit to deal with and bail at the last minute.” He greets his best friend while Matt guides you over to his boss, wanting to introduce you.

“Nah, I made time for this.” Dave keeps his eyes on you as you move towards him. Smirking slightly when he realizes that this is who you are marrying. One of his dopey analysts. Matthew Tate was as boring as his name sounded, the proverbial nice guy who seemed to actually believe that he is saving the world. He straightens slightly, his eyes narrowing on where Matthew’s arm is around your waist and he nearly snorts. If it were him, he would have his hand on your ass. “Tate.” he greets the man, reaching out and shaking his hand with a slightly overpowering grip. “Hell of a party.” 

“Thanks sir. My girl has always wanted something classy so you know how it goes, happy wife, happy life.” He winks at you, “well, soon. We are trying to figure out the wedding date.” Matt says, squeezing your waist with his other hand that isn’t on fire from Dave’s ridiculously tight handshake. You are shocked. Matt had mentioned his boss David but you never put two and two together. Of course, your fiancé works for the man who ruined you five years ago. You want to scream and cry but instead, you step towards Dave. “It’s so good to see you again.” You say as you recover, needing to play your part, and you lean in to kiss Dave on the cheek, “I didn’t know you and Matt worked together.”

Dave hums, wrapping his arms around you tightly for a hug and is pleased to find that you still fit perfectly. Your smell has changed, become more sophisticated than the berry blast body spray you had worn in college but the elegant floral notes of your perfume suit  you. “Hello sweetheart.” He murmurs softly, catching the confusion on Matthew’s face. He eases back from you and gives your fiancé a small shrug. “I grew up with her brother.” He reaches out and slaps your brother on the back. “Small world.” 

Matt nods, “ah, that’s a coincidence.” He smiles and pulls you back into his side, making you stiffen a little. You love Matt, he’s a good person, but you’re not in love with him. Seeing Dave is hard, he’s even more handsome now he’s aged a little and you hate that your stomach twists with attraction. You’re at your engagement party, you shouldn’t feel like this. You love Matt, you internally remind yourself. You sigh and reach for Matt’s hand. 

“We should go speak to my parents.” You say and Matt nods, letting you guide him through the crowd. 

Your brother looks back towards Dave, “he’s a good guy, right?” He asks his friend, unaware of the tension between his best friend and his sister.

“He’s fine.” Dave grunts, propping his hands on his hips as you hug your mother. His eyes stay on you, sliding up and down your figure. “Boring and predictable. Not an operator.” Your brother knows what Dave has done, it was another reason why he would never approve if he knew that Dave had touched his little sister. He would try to beat the shit out of Dave. “He doesn’t do more than sit behind a desk and give me information that I already know.” 

Your brother snorts, “yeah. He’s a bit of a pussy but that’s not a bad thing. He’s safe, stable, secure. Good for her.” He says and Dave swallows, knowing he’s none of those things. You try to avoid Dave as long as possible, introducing Matt to your friends and meeting his, you spend the evening smiling despite not truly being happy. 

You finally have enough and need a break. You exhale when you enter the bathroom, looking in the mirror, and you hate that you are miserable. Matt doesn’t make you feel like you’re on fire. Dave did that with a fucking hug. You shake your head, trying to push him out of your mind when the door opens and you look up to see Dave entering the bathroom. “Mens is next door.” You sigh, not turning to face him.

“Don’t need to take a piss.” Dave smirks as he leans against the sink and watches you check your reflection in the mirror. Reaching up to smudge a bit of your mascara that has run and Dave hates the fucking lipstick on your lips. Knowing that he can’t kiss you without it showing. “So you’re going to marry this asshole?” He asks, crossing his arms over his chest. “Really? Out of everyone you could have had? Could still have?”

You sigh, turning to face him. "Why are you here? It's been five years and you haven't even sent me a damn text. I didn't invite you here, Dave. I- shit - Matt is...he's predictable. Sure, it's boring but he's safe and I - I haven't - I couldn't move on. That night still haunts me and I hate you for that. I hate that I compare every man I meet to you. I hate that none of them are you. We aren't - it won't happen between us, so just let me be as happy as I can considering the fact that I am still fucking in love with you. Just - please. Leave me alone." You plead, closing your eyes as your heart clenches in pain.

It’s wrong the way that his heart leaps at your confession. He should want you to move on, encourage it. But he’s greedy. He loves knowing that he’s infected you the same way you have him. He won’t lie and say he’s never slept with anyone since that night, you wouldn’t believe that. However, no one has stayed in his mind like you have. Reaching over, Dave grabs your chin and holds your face while reaching for one of the napkins in the little basket next to the sink. Wanting to wipe off that lipstick so he can kiss you. “I’ll never leave you alone.” He growls softly.

You’re frozen while he wipes your lipstick off and tosses the napkin into the trash can. “You did. You left for five years. Told me to move on.” You growl, swatting his hand away. “Don’t - I’m not a stupid girl anymore. I don’t need you to kiss me and then send me back out there to be with Matt. I can’t do that to him. Dave. Please. Just go.” You beg, knowing your control is slipping, especially when he reaches for your waist to drag you against him. “Please.” You whimper pathetically, knowing you’ve lost the battle.

“Shut up.” Dave huffs, knowing that he should walk away. Leave you with your conscience intact and your pride but he’s jealous. Hates the idea of that boring fuck touching you. Not making you cum. He decides that he won’t kiss you after all. Turning you around, his hands come up to pull your dress down, exposing your tits to his view in the mirror before he slides a hand up your dress. “When was the last time he made you cum so hard your legs gave out?” He demands as he slides his hand into your lace panties and finds your cunt waxed, making him growl jealously. “Fuck. This for him?”

You already look wrecked as you watch yourself in the mirror, having let him pull your tits out of the pretty dress you’d picked out for tonight and his fingers caressing your mound. You smirk, giggling softly to taunt him, “yeah. For Matt. He loves it.” You tease Dave, knowing it will rile him up. “Makes him wanna go down on me. Won’t do it otherwise.” You confess with a huff, leaning your head on his shoulder so you can feel all of him against you.

“Pussy.” Dave grunts, sneering at the idea of not wanting to go down on you. He’s fucking dreamed of the way you taste, the way you respond to his tongue. He pulls his hand away to shove your panties down, wanting you to see him touch you as he pinches your nipple. “Fuck baby, you still look so goddamn pretty.” He huffs, hard cock twitching against your ass.

You shouldn’t let him do this. It’s wrong. It’s cheating on Matt. Yet one look in those dark eyes meeting yours in the mirror has you throwing away every moral you have. Your soul is blackened by Dave York from the moment you saw him in the events room and you know you won’t be able to move on. “Dave.” You whimper, needing him to touch you after you’ve dreamed of it for five fucking years. “Please.” You beg pathetically. 

When his fingers find your clit, you moan and he covers your mouth with his hand. “Can’t let anyone know, baby girl.” He says and your moans are muffled in his palm as his fingers work your clit.

Dave pants in your ear, watching as your eyes roll back every time his fingers circle your clit. Loving how you are pushing back against his cock and moaning into his palm. Your slick pours out of your cunt, making it slippery and his wrist twists, pressing his thumb against your nerves so he can slide two fingers deep into your pussy. Making you gasp out and he wonders how often your Matt finger fucked you stupid like you need to be. “That’s it, baby girl. So wrecked for me.” He coos in your ear quietly. “Anyone could walk in and see you getting fingered right now, you know that?” 

You know the news that he didn’t lock the door should make you shove him away and forget this happened, but it only turns you on more. To have someone see you and Dave, for it to be reality outside of the two of you, has your walls fluttering around his digits. “Oh. Dirty girl likes that.” He chuckles softly and you whimper, nodding as he lowers his hand from your mouth so he can squeeze your breast. 

“Dave.” You pant, trying to grind back against him.

“I know.” His cock is throbbing against your ass as he works his fingers up into you faster. Watching your pants and feeling your body start to tremble from his touch. “Every time I jerk off, I think about that night.” He confesses quietly, his dark eyes meeting yours in the mirror. “Think about how you felt around me. How you sounded as I took your virginity.” 

His words make you clench around his fingers, knowing that he jerks off thinking about that night nearly sends you over the edge, his fingers curling deeper. "Oh shit. Me - me too. Think about it when - when Matt is fucking me." You confess shamelessly, uncaring of anything right now other than the way Dave is making you feel. "Please baby. I need - oh God." You whine when you start to cum around his digits.

“Yesssss.” Dave hisses, tightening his hold on you and curling his fingers deeper. Loving how you soak his fingers and grip them tight. “That’s it, baby girl.” He keeps his thumb pressed against your clit while your hips jerk and your legs threaten to give out under you. His body is the only thing keeping you upright while you ride out your intense orgasm. He kisses your jaw and ear. “Good girl.” 

You pant, loving how good you feel. The most intense orgasm since he fucked you that night he took your virginity. You turn your head to press your lips to his, "I love you. I still fucking love you." You whine, wanting him to know how you feel. That Matt could never compare.

Groaning into your mouth, Dave pulls his fingers out of your cunt and starts to pull your panties back up into place. Knowing he has to let you go back out there. You love him, and he loves you but you are engaged to Matt. He’s at your engagement party for Christ’s sake. “I love you.” He whispers hoarsely. “Always have. That was never the problem.” He starts to pull you top back into place with another soft kiss before he reluctantly lets you go. 

“Dave.” You frown when he steps away from you. “I can’t - I don’t understand. You just - we just - you can’t just walk away again.” You shove his chest, “I just cheated on my fiancé and I can’t marry him. I don’t- oh God. I feel sick.” You choke, knowing that you’ve ruined everything for Dave. He’s never going to love you the way you want him to. He’s never going to want to get married and have kids.

“You deserve better than me, baby girl.” Dave closes his eyes and shakes his head. Guilty for making you feel bad, but he doesn’t regret touching you. He’s never going to regret touching you. “I’ve done too many bad things, I’m not the man you think that I am.” He wants you to understand this. To know that his soul is tarnished. 

You shake your head, cupping his cheeks. “I know you Dave. I know you.” You promise, knowing he’s done bad things. You assumed it since he’s been in a secretive branch of the military. “I need to - I need to tell Matt. Maybe he will forgive me.” You choke, lowering your hands, when Dave doesn’t say anything. You know this is just a game to him, to make you react to him before he walks away for the umpteenth time.

Dave weighs his options, knowing that if he tries to walk away from you, he will lose you forever. “You aren’t asking for forgiveness for shit.” He grunts, reaching out and grabs your wrist to pull you closer again. “You aren’t going to be sorry for this. You didn’t do anything. I did. I touched you. And I’m not fucking sorry.” He spits right before he crushes his lips to yours. 

You melt against him, unable to stop yourself, and you tangle your fingers in his hair. No longer the required length for the military, it’s just the right length for you to tangle your fingers in. His tongue slides against yours and he crowds you against the bathroom counter, his hands sliding down your dress and you finally come back to yourself. Swatting his hands away, “stop. Stop. I- I need to- God. I-” You surge forward to press your lips to his, addicted to him now you have had your second taste of him.

He smirks against your lips, letting you take charge of the kiss this one time. Wanting to feel how you want to touch him. Enjoying the way that you slide your tongue against his until he gently pushes you away. Reaching up and smoothing your hair back. “What do you need, baby?” He asks, like he hasn’t just been affected by the kiss.

“I don’t know.” You admit breathlessly. “I- I love Matt, I do.” Your words make him frown, “I do. He’s a good guy. But he’s not you. You do this - God, how do you do this to me?” You laugh humorlessly as you step back from him. “I’m so fucking in love with you but you hold the power to destroy me. Dave…I need you to tell me what you want from me.”

“I want you to take off that piece of shit ring and give it back to Tate.” He growls, stepping forward to reclaim the space between you. “I want you to come home with me tonight. Every fucking night. I want to tell you who I am, what I’ve done and not realize that you will leave me for it.” He hates how vulnerable he sounds, but it’s the truth. He knows you would leave him if you know what he’s done.

You frown, wondering what he means by that. You know you’ve already signed your fate away for him. You’ve always been his. Your hands come up to rest on his chest, feeling how fast his heart is beating, the only give away to his nerves on his otherwise steely face. “I don’t know what you’ve done but I know you. I love you, the good and the bad. I can’t - I need to speak to Matt.” You tell him, knowing you can’t spend anymore time in this bathroom. You have to go out and face your fate. “If you want me, I’m yours.” You promise, sliding your hands down his chest until you can fiddle with the ring on your finger. “Wait for me.” You beg, knowing you’ll need to make a swift exit. With one last look at Dave after you open the door, you find Matt in the crowd. 

“Can I speak to you?” You ask and he nods, wrapping his arm around your waist. 

“Of course baby.” You take his hand from your waist and guide him towards the private room in the event hall where the purses and coats are kept. 

“I- I can’t do this. I’m so sorry. I can’t marry you.” You tell him and his eyes widen. 

“Why? Baby, don’t be silly. It’s just nerves.” 

You shake your head, “no. I - I don’t - I love you but I’m not in love with you. I’m not enough for you. I can’t give you everything. I- I’m so sorry. You deserve a good girl. Someone who will love you and won’t always be wondering what if with someone else.” 

Matt’s eyes narrow in confusion. “Is there someone else?” He accuses you and you nod. 

“I shouldn’t have accepted your proposal knowing I could never give you my whole heart. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.” You plead, sliding the ring off of your finger to place it in his hand.

Dave stands next to the door, having already collected your purse and coat from that room. Listening just in case Matt decides to surprise him and make a scene. “Who is it?” Matt demands, sounding like he is about to cry. “Have you been cheating on me?” Dave knows you feel guilty but you shouldn’t. “It doesn’t matter. You - you know how much I love you. This can still work.” He begs softly. “Please don’t do this. You just have jitters.”

“I’m sorry.” You step back from him, tears stinging in your eyes. “It’s not jitters. It’s - I - I promise you I didn’t cheat on you.” You lie, knowing you will lose sleep over that but it’s easier to be kind. “Be happy.” You plead, leaning up to kiss his cheek and he shakes his head, “I don’t understand.” 

You glance around for your coat and purse but realize it’s missing. Dave must’ve gotten it. You open the door to find Dave waiting there and you swallow harshly as Matt comes to stand behind you.

There’s one thing about Matthew Tate, and it’s that he’s not stupid. He analyzes intelligence for a living. His eyes widen when he sees Dave standing there. “So that’s what it is?” He swallows harshly and shakes his head. “You’re ending what we have for a man who kills people?” In his distraught state, Matthew doesn’t care about things like classified information. He grabs your arm to keep you from walking away. “You really want to sleep next to him?” He demands. “A man who beat his own father to death when he was a teenager? Had to get a waiver to get into the military because of that?”

You glance back at Dave, knowing you have so many questions, but you can’t marry Matt now. Even if Dave has withheld his past from you. “It doesn’t matter. I- I can’t marry you. I’m sorry.” You pull out of his grip and everyone is noticing now, wondering what is happening. 

“Fine.” Matt snorts, “don’t come back to me when you realize you’re with a monster.” Matt has read the reports, knows how violent Dave is. “You’ll be one of his victims in one way or another.” Matt warns and you step back towards Dave. Your brother is confused, stepping forward to see what the situation is. “Oh, it’s your brother. Does he know that you’ve been fucking his best friend?” Matt chuckles sharply.

Your brother chuckles humorlessly and shakes his head. “You’re wrong about that, Matt.” He snorts. “Dave looks at her like his own sister.” Turning towards his friend, he is expecting him to laugh with him, fully aware of Dave’s exploits when they were younger but he just stares back at him. The smile on your brother's face dies and is replaced with a frown. “Dave- you didn’t.” He growls, face starting to twist in fury. “Tell me you didn’t fucking touch my sister!” He hisses, reaching out and grabbing Dave’s jacket. Dave won’t fight back. He won’t raise a fist to your brother because he deserves this. He’s deserved it for five years so he doesn’t even try to defend himself when your brother draws his fist back and slams it into Dave’s jaw.

“Stop! Stop!” You grab your brother’s arm to stop him from punching Dave. “It wasn’t him! It was years ago. I asked him. Shit. Just don’t punch him. I asked him to fuck me.” You don’t mention that Dave took your virginity because your brother would definitely punch him. God, this night has become a disaster. Your darkest secrets exposed in front of your nearest and dearest. “Please. I want to go.” You beg your brother, “don’t hurt him. I- I love him. I’m in love with him.”

“You fucker!” Your brother hisses at Dave, shoving him away from him. “I trusted you to look after her!” 

Dave rubs his jaw and shakes his head slightly. “I’m not going to hit you back.” He growls, glaring at him, “because you’ve been my best friend for nearly twenty years. She made up her mind herself. I didn’t try to take advantage of her.”

Your brother shakes his head, “I can’t fucking believe you. I told you to stay away from her.” 

You know everyone can hear what’s happening and you are mortified, but also know that you can’t change it now. “I love him. Please don’t make me lose him again.” You plead with your brother, your mother watching in shock. 

Your brother scoffs, “you have no idea who he is. I was trying to protect you.” He shakes his head and waves his hand. “Get her out of here.” He orders Dave, not wanting to see you or Dave right now.

Nodding, Dave wraps his arm around your waist and starts to guide you through the crowd. Ignoring people’s curious looks and pushing past them if he has to in order to get you through the doors and outside. His car is parked close by and he huffs as he steers you towards it. “I’m sorry.” He murmurs quietly, knowing you are upset over the scene that just happened.

You don’t say a word as you get into his car. Looking out of the window as he pulls away from the parking lot to drive you to his place. “Well that was a shit show.” You finally say and Dave snorts, “yeah. It was.” You sigh and turn to look at him, saying your brother’s name. “Do you think he will forgive us?”

“You for sure.” Dave answers, unsure if his friend, the man he considered a brother, would ever get over the betrayal of him touching you. “He loves you.” It hurts to think about losing him, because he has known him better than anyone but he doesn’t regret touching you. He reaches over and touches your thigh. “I know you are embarrassed and I’m sorry. I should have waited out in the main room.”

You reach for his hand on your thigh, tangling your fingers with his. “It was all gonna come out at some point. It wasn’t ideal but everyone would’ve found out one way or another. At least now it’s come out and we can deal with the fallout. God, I feel so guilty. So selfish for doing this.” You sigh, looking out of the window. “But I don’t regret it. I meant it, Dave. I’m yours if you want me.”

Dave pauses for a second, mulling over your comment and he squeezes your fingers. “Ask me.” He demands quietly, wondering why you aren’t demanding to know what Matt was talking about as soon as you got in the car. How could you promise to be with him if you didn’t know him? Especially because he wasn’t the type of man to let you go if you became his. 

You sigh, knowing that this conversation has to happen but you were hoping to get settled first. Dave has always been a mystery but it’s never concerned you. He’s treated you well. Never hurt you. Yet you know you need those questions answered before anything more can happen between you. “What happened with your dad?” You ask softly, almost cautiously.

Dave grunts, keeping his eyes on the road. Not wanting to see pity or horror in your pretty eyes. “Man was a fucking monster.” He tells you. “Behind closed doors, of course. Everyone liked Mike York. He was a stand up guy.” He sneers sarcastically. “Until he got drunk and decided that it was fun to beat the shit out of his family, rape his wife.” When Dave was younger, the screams had scared him until he was taking the beatings. 

Then he was angry and unable to defend himself and his mother. Closing himself off from emotions as a survival method. It’s difficult to be abused and either not break or simply harden. His mother had broken, but Dave had become hard. Your brother had been the only one who knew at the time. The bruises were well concealed under his clothes to keep up appearances. 

“When I was sixteen….God, he had fucking knocked back the liquor.” His fingers twitch in your hand, remembering the sounds. “He was pissed he couldn’t get it up. Blaming her for not being woman enough.” It makes him sick, curling in his stomach and it was a large part of why he demanded someone let him know the second they didn’t like something. He was nothing like that bastard. “So he was beating the shit out of her. Thought he was going to kill her that time. I broke through the door and just…..started hitting him.” He remembers the sick crack, the dull thuds of his fists and then the squelch it made when the tissue turned soft, the blood spurting every time he hit him again. “I didn’t stop until the police pulled me off of him.” The only thing that had saved his ass was your brother knowing about the ongoing abuse and the obvious assault on his mother when the police arrived. Still, some had thought Dave was the monster who had killed a prominent member of the community. 

You turn your head to stare at the man you love. Hearing him say that he had killed his abusive father at sixteen years of age to protect his mother makes your stomach twist. Your heart breaks for him. “Oh baby.” You gasp, “I’m so sorry. You - you shouldn’t have had to do that. Your mom didn’t deserve that. Oh shit. I- I’m so sorry.” Tears start to stream down your cheeks with sorrow for your lover.

“Don’t cry for me.” Dave chides, letting go of your hand and reaching up to wipe away your tears. “I’m not worth that. But Matthew was right.” He tells you gruffly, hating that you are crying for him. “I - I had to get a waiver to join the Marines. Because of my ‘violent’ past.” The military hadn’t cared once they had him pass a psych eval. He was slotted for special ops because he already had the emotional disconnect needed to do the things they wanted him to do. “I killed in the Marines. I was- it was what I did then, it’s what I do now. I still take out people on a list.” 

You shake your head, “you were doing your job. That’s what you’re supposed to do. Take out the bad guys. Your dad was a bad guy. You were following orders. Now, you’re doing your job.” You reason, knowing that he’s not killing because he enjoys it, who would do that? You know Dave. He’s treated you with nothing but a gentle hand. It’s hard to imagine him as a cold blooded killer.

He turns onto his street, unable to believe that you are rationalizing what he does. HIs condo is at the end of the block and he swallows as he sees it up ahead. “It doesn’t bother you?” He asks quietly. “Worry you? Even my-” He breaks off. “Even mom was nervous around me until I left home. Worried that I would snap and hurt her.” That had probably been the biggest blow to him. His own mother skittish around him after he killed his father. It was one of the reasons why he had spent so many nights at your house with your brother. He hadn’t been judged by your family and you were completely unaware of what happened even though you were only a few years younger. It was enough to let it slip by you. 

You shake your head, "I know you, Dave. You try to conceal yourself but it doesn't work. I know you. I know you do bad things but deep down, you're a good man. You're the man I fell in love with. I- I don't completely understand the drive to kill but I know it's your job and you keep people safe by taking out bad people. It's not like you are killing innocents."

“It’s….my job.” Dave doesn’t mention that there are times where innocent people die, but that’s just because it’s the way of the world. He pulls into the parking space in front of his garage and cuts the engine. “And you still want to be with me?” He asks seriously. “Because I’m not exactly the type of man that wants to be divorced.”

“I’ve been in love with you since I was sixteen years old. Dave. It’s always been you. I love you. I want to be yours. In every way.” You promise, reaching for his hand. “I know you don’t think you deserve happiness but you do. I want us to be happy together. Let’s not waste anymore time.” You urge him, knowing he will listen to you.

“Then we are getting married.” Dave decides, knowing you won’t object. “We will start looking for a house. One in the suburbs.” He hates living in the metro area, hates how his neighbors share a wall. His eyes find yours and he smirks. “So no one hears you scream in pleasure when I make you cum.”

It’s not the most romantic proposal but you know Dave makes up his mind and it’s done. You lean over the console, “you’re gonna take care of me as Mrs. York?” You tease, brushing your lips against his. “I’ll only be your wife if you make me cum over and over again.”

“Done.” Dave grabs the back of your neck and pulls you towards him for a searing kiss. Immediately taking over and sliding his tongue into your mouth. Giving into the needs that he had kept buried, kept hidden from everyone, even himself. Groaning into your mouth and feeling you melt against him. Kissing you for another long moment before he pulls back. “I love you.” He whispers softly, knowing that he needs to be more affectionate with you. You are going to be his wife, his future, his home. He’s been holding back for so long, but he doesn’t have to do that anymore. 

[differenteagletragedy]

I am afraid worms have invaded my brain and they are eating away at everything that is not OUR LIFE SWAP AU

This is an AU in which Baxter is your best friend that moved in town when you were 8, Cove is the boy from the city you met when you were 13, and Derek is the boy who comes into town for the summer when you're 18. This one is a reworking of the original "Mountains" scene.

OG Swap here -- another part here -- another here -- one more here

In the ten years you'd been friends, you and Baxter had rarely gotten into any arguments. You both just got along so well, and he was agreeable to a fault, always so against being confrontational or divisive. And so for all this time, with maybe just a small handful of hiccups, you'd just gone on easily, having a grand time together.

But that night, as he sat on your bed watching you pack your things to go on a camping trip with Derek, he seemed perfectly willing to fight.

Derek had rented the empty condo across the street from you for the summer. He was a year older than you, a college athlete, and he was doing some private training with a coach in the city. That weekend, he had a few days off and he'd wanted to go camping in the mountains. He'd asked you to join him, and you said yes. He was sweet, and it was easy being around him.

Baxter, meanwhile, was being anything but sweet.

"You're the mountain boy," you told him, trying to pull him out of whatever funk he was in. "What do you think, will I need a jacket?"

"And proper shoes," he said quietly, arms and legs crossed tightly. "You'll want to bring something for the weather too, the forecast is calling for rain."

"What would you suggest? Raincoat? Umbrella? Poncho?"

He opened his mouth to respond, then closed it again. You waited, but he wouldn't speak.

"What is it?" you asked.

He looked up at you -- a glare, almost -- and said, "I would suggest you not go at all, but it seems you've made up your mind."

"What's the issue with me going?" you asked, getting even more confused than you had been. "I'm not going to be gone for long, just a couple of days."

"It's not that."

"Then what is it?"

He paused, then, keeping his eyes down this time, said, "You don't know him."

"Derek?" you asked. "Sure I do. We've hung out plenty of times. You've hung out with him too, he's the most harmless guy on the planet."

"But you're going to be going off alone with him, hours away, together in a tent in the middle of the woods," he argued.

"And?"

You studied him, trying to understand why he was reacting so strongly to this. You couldn't see a clear answer on his face, but you did see he was digging his fingernails into his arms.

"Seriously, what's the problem?" you said, sitting down beside him and grabbing his hands so he'd stop. "What's going on?"

Baxter still didn't seem eager to talk about it, but something in him softened when took his hands. He held them gently, running his thumb over your knuckles, and said, "He likes you."

"No, he doesn't," you said quickly, sure that wasn't the case. "We're friends."

"You can't possibly be this oblivious," he muttered, and you yanked your hands away from his.

"If you're going to be rude, then you can leave," you told him, getting angry.

"I'm not trying to be rude, I'm trying to get you to understand that perhaps going off for a jaunt in the woods with the Incredible Hulk that you've known for approximately two minutes isn't the smartest plan."

You'd been getting angry before -- you were fully there now.

"I'm not stupid," you said, standing up again, "and you're being a jerk. What do you think he's going to do, abduct me or something?"

Baxter stood as well, and took a step closer to you. He was so slow to anger, except when he pointed it inward, but it felt like he was staring daggers at you now.

"I just want you to be safe," he said sharply. "I care about you very much, and I --"

"If you care about me, then trust that I can make my own decisions, I'm not some dumb, helpless --"

"I know that!" he said, near yelling, moving closer still. "That's not what I'm saying, you're not listening to me."'

"I am listening to you, you're --"

"You're not," he said firmly, closing the distance between you entirely. "I don't want you to go off with some handsome, well-mannered boy who obviously has feelings for you. That's what I'm saying."

"Why?"

"Because I do know him, and I know exactly how charming he is. I know he wouldn't hurt you, but I ..." he trailed off, running a hand through his hair. His anger was turning into anxiety.

"You what?" you asked, softening. "Please just talk to me, Baxter."

Instead of talking, he took you in his arms. Surprised, you hugged him back. Then you felt his breath, hot against your ear, and he said something so low you barely heard him.

"Please tell me you won't sleep with him," he said.

Appalled, you pushed him off of you. Your anger had returned tenfold.

"What are you talking about?" you asked, the frustration clear in your tone. "I'm not even dating Derek, but it's not any of your business what we do anyway. Why you even care this much?"

He didn't say anything, and he wouldn't meet your eyes again. You knew this phase of the Baxter emotional cycle -- he was shutting down.

"Go home," you said finally.

Without looking at you, he swiftly moved to leave your room. You heard his footsteps go down the hall, and after a moment you heard the front door shut.

Then you heard your phone go off in your pocket.

It was a text from Derek that read, "Hey! Excited for tomorrow?"

"Yep!" you replied. And you were. Baxter wasn't going to ruin that for you.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The next morning, you met Derek at his condo, and you left bright and early. He was all smiles and laughs and brightness, and the drive to the campsite was fun. It was always fun with Derek.

He took the lead when it was time to set up your things, not wanting you to lift a finger as he put up the tent. You did anyway, of course, and it was obvious how much he appreciated it.

It was getting into the evening after it was all said and done, and Baxter had been right -- the rain did come. Derek didn't mind, he just pulled you into the tent and zipped it up until it passed. And with his warm presence so close, you didn't mind either.

You set about situating your sleeping bags and the other things that you'd brought into the tent with you. When you were done, you still heard the rain falling.

"Guess this is it for tonight," Derek said, not sounding too bothered. "Don't worry, it's supposed to be clear tomorrow. It might be muddy, but I think we'll still have fun."

You smiled at him, happy to be spending the time with him. You hadn't known him too long, Baxter was right about that, and you didn't think he liked you, at least not in a romantic way. But he was a good guy. And it felt nice to be here with him.

"So, how do you want to pass the time?" he asked, pulling you out of your thoughts.

"This is your trip," you told him, playfully nudging his shoulder. "You go first."

"Ok," he said, then approached you. Before you knew it, his arms were locked around your waist, pulling you in tight against him. He smiled, looking proud of himself.

"I made my move," he said. "Your turn."

You pushed everything out of your head -- your fight with Baxter, your years-long crush on him that hadn't gone anywhere for so long you thought it never would. Your reservations, your fears, your nervousness, you shoved it all away and put yourself firmly in the moment.

Then you kissed him.

[its-time-to-write]

Hello! I absolutely love your work. You’re a fantastic writer. Is it possible for you to do something based a bit off of the song London Boy by Taylor Swift? If not I understand. I just feel there’s some cool way to tie it with Jamie Tartt. Sorry if it’s a bit of a generic request

ALRIGHTY gotta preface this, I actually hate this song 😂 Lyrics aren’t bad, but the like accent thing she does makes me die a little bit. BUT. I saw what you were going for (I think)! So here it is, I suffered through listening to this song bc you asked for a fic and I am nothing if not eager to please.

This is also a response to two other requests. So if that was you, ✌️😗 y’all were on the same page, congratulations. This is also my first song-based fic, although all of my works are (very, very loosely) based on songs. That’s why they have such insane titles😅 ANYWAY that’s enough talking from me. Enjoy!

i fancy you

i love my hometown as much as Motown, i love So-Cal

Richmond in London is very different from your hometown in Southern California. It’s colder, for one. And older. Things in California don’t have the same extended history as they do in England. You’re here visiting family for a couple months, although your cousins are trying to convince you to stay longer. 

“What do you really have waiting for you in California?” Holland asks.

“Uh, the beach. Sun. Great Mexican food.” you respond.

Holland isn’t buying it. “When else are you going to be able to live here? We can help you get a job and all that, not a huge problem.”

Holland is very convincing. You decide to stay for a year, single year, and see what happens.

Holland is four years older than you, and has always been the cousin you’re closest to. You’ve had a long-standing bond since being the two eldest sisters in your family. Holland takes you to clubs and introduces you to her friends, including a Miss Keeley Jones who thinks you are “abso-fuckin-lutely adorable.” 

“You have to bring her to a Richmond match, babes,” Keeley says. “Lots of fit footballers.” She winks.

You ask Keeley of she’s dating a footballer.

“Oh god no,” she shudders. “A coach.”

You don’t really see the difference.

saw the dimples first and then i heard the accent

It was a good match, even you can tell. The Richmond team played seamlessly, passing the ball back and forth without letting the other team even touch it. Their conductor of sorts, the one mediating the passes, was crazy. He never seemed to get tired, anticipating his teammates’ moves and those of the opposing team. It seemed like he was always five steps ahead of everyone. Holland notices you watching him and pokes Keeley.

“You like Jamie?” Keeley laughs. “Makes sense. Anyone with eyes likes him. He’s right fit, too. Good in bed, shit with feelings. Well, used to be. Still fucking cocky.”

That’s interesting. “You’ve been with him?” you ask.

Keeley gives you a 50/50 hand motion. “Sort of. Don’t really count it, do I? Was with him at his fucking worst. That’s why Roy fucking hates him.”

“He’s much better now,” Holland chimes in. “Something happened last season and he stopped being such a dick.”

“Holland!” you reproach, laughing. “That’s not nice!”

She and Keeley shrug. “It’s true though, innit?”

You don’t know if it is, because when you first see Jamie up close in the club later that night, he seems perfectly fine. You see a flash of a smile, a dimple, then he says something (you don’t know what) but his accent is… something else. It’s not like Holland’s, or any of your family, but you know enough to pinpoint it to Manchester. 

“The accent got you, didn’t it?” says a voice near your ear and you yelp as Holland slides her arm around your shoulder.

“Gets the best of us,” says Keeley, grabbing your hand. “C’mon, I’ll introduce you.”

She drags you over despite your protests.

he likes my American smile, like a child when our eyes meet, ‘darling i fancy you’

Regular dinner dates are scary, but dinner dates with a Premier League footballer are downright terrifying. 

You made Holland help you figure out what to wear, and when she showed up at your aunt’s house she had Keeley in tow.

“Heard you’re in need of a bit of a makeover,” she grins. “Lucky for you, that’s my specialty.”

Keeley and Holland have brought some of Holland’s dresses and you’re in a dark green one that “does fucking wonders for your hair, babe.”

Keeley did your makeup while Holland curled your hair and just like that, you’re ready to go.

You groan, “God, I fucking hate first dates,” while shaking out your arms. 

“It’ll be fine,” Holland promises, and she’s right.

It’s more than fine. It’s fucking fantastic.

“I like your smile,” Jamie says. “Fuckin’ American, it is.”

You laugh. “What does that even mean?”

Jamie shrugs. “It’s bigger. Brits are more reserved. Like Roy. You met Roy yet? Biggest fucking twat I ever saw,” but he says it with such affection that you’re sure he means something else.

His eyes are electric, blue and dazzling. They betray his every thought and feeling and right now you feel like if you hold his gaze any longer you’re going to say something completely stupid. 

Turns out your not the one to say something stupid; he is.

You’re walking back to his car, holding hands and swinging them in between you when he stops and says, “Darling, I fancy you.”

You grin and he returns it. He asks, “Was that British enough for you? Feel like you got the whole experience?”

“Definitely,” you say. “Was I American enough for you?”

“Dunno,” he replies, “Got to test one more thing.”

His lips are very soft on yours.

met all of his best mates, so i guess all the rumors are true

“This is Isaac, Colin, Dani, and Sam.”

Jamie is introducing you to some of his team. You’ve been dating for a month now, and your first picture together just popped up in the papers the night before.

The boys of AFC Richmond were pretty sure Jamie was seeing someone, but they didn’t know who it was. Jamie had set up this dinner thing a while ago, it just so happened that the tabloids got to you first. 

It’s not even that great a picture honestly, but you’d been around Nelson Road enough that the boys were able to recognize you. 

It’s a little unnerving to meet them, what with Isaac’s intense stare and Dani’s wide, wide smile. You’re grateful Colin and Sam are acting normal.

“We have an American coach,” Colin says in an attempt to break the ice. It does, because you’re all laughing at the absurdity of his attempt. 

“We have heard very much about you,” Dani says and you wonder if he ever stops smiling. It feels so weird and so normal to be at Jamie’s house with a pile of food and FIFA queued up on the TV, ready to go. You figure that if you’re meeting his friends, Jamie must be at least a little serious. He finds your hand and squeezes it under the table as Isaac cracks his first smile of the night. It’s weird dating a footballer, but you think you can get used to it.

babes, don’t threaten me with a good time

Jamie’s house is the largest you’ve ever been in, and it used to be strange that it was only just the two of you, clattering around that big home. 

It’s a cool night after a warm day so you both decided to lay in his backyard under the stars. 

It feels so much like something you’d do as a teenager, and you tell Jamie as much.

“Used to sneak on me mum’s roof,” he tells you. “Didn’t even do dumb shit, I’d just go to look.”

You lay there in silence for a few moments until you feel something tickle your side.

“Jamie!” you shriek.

“I didn’t do nothing!” he protests. “Must’ve been a bug.”

You don’t believe him, but you don’t push it until you feel another tickle.

“Babe!”

“Babe, it weren’t me, I swear,” he says and you really don’t believe him, especially when he tickles you again less than a minute later.

You laugh. “Fuck you, Jamie Tartt.”

He smirks. “Babe, don’t threaten me with a good time.”

“Hm, maybe I want a good time.”

Jamie’s grin widens and he sits up. “You know where the bedroom is, love.”

you know i love a London boy

“I don’t fucking get it,” Jamie says. You shrug. 

“I literally don’t either,” you say. Your dad leans over to Jamie. “So basically…” he begins.

He’s halfway through his explanation when Jamie pokes you. “Babe,” he says, “can we switch seats so I can hear your dad better?” You chuckle then wiggle your way into Jamie’s seat while he gets into yours.

“Why the fuck is it called ‘football’ if it’s with their hands?” Jamie asks.

Your dad shrugs. “Not a clue, son, not a clue.”

The game progresses and one of the teams scores a touchdown.

“Hold the fuck up,” Jamie says. “Why did their score change that much?”

“I know this one!” you exclaim. “Different types of goals get different points. And there’s something called a lateral which has to do with moving backward I think?”

You dad just shakes his head with a grin and doesn’t attempt to clarify. 

Your dad spends the second half explaining everything to a very focused Jamie, and he asks questions the entire car ride home. It’s funny have Jamie here in America, staying at your parents house and seeing where you grew up. 

When you’re finally back home and in bed, you pull him as close as you can and whisper, “I love you very, very much. You know that, right?”

You can feel Jamie smile against your hair. “I love you too, very fucking much.”