#i can understand not having all the boys be friends and all (b/c that's pretty impossible)

[darnell-la]

Can i request Logan and a reader with daddy kink...but like, shes afraid of saying that to him because her last partners treated her shitty when it came to it? (like, kinkshaming her, not wanting to take care of her)

summary: After hearing her call him what he never thought he’d love so much, he had to make sure his girl knew she was with a man and not a boy anymore.

———

“You like that, princess? Hm? Tell me you like it, baby doll,” Logan whispered in the girl's ear as he pushed deeper into her. Being fucked by Logan on Wade’s kitchen counter wasn’t something she had planned for the night.

She had thought that because Wade was out, Logan would be too tonight. Her two roommates always scold her for coming in late, telling her it’s dangerous, but she sees no problem if she is with her friends all night.

Tonight was a perfect night to leave, but when she came back to Logan sitting on the sofa, looking right at her, she froze.

He got up and walked towards her slowly, telling her how he should kick her out and back to the expensive college dorm.

Of course, he didn’t mean it, but when y/n’s eyes grew glossy, he couldn’t help but cup her chin and tell her how hard she was to deal with.

“This is what they’ll do you if you keep partying, baby. All this cunt — Ruined and messy because you’d be too weak to fight back,”

Y/n tightly gripped the man’s back, holding herself up as Logan’s hands gripped her waist, pulling her into his thrust.

“Can’t have these boys have their way with you, baby girl. You’re too innocent for that, ain’t that right?” He asked, making the young lady whine with a nod. “Oh, I know,”

Y/n was close. Her vision became blurry as she bit down on her lip, trying to keep in how wild she gets when she cums.

“That’s it — Grip my cock like that, baby. This isn’t the only thing aloud in this pretty cunt,” Logan said, as her heart rate began to rise. She couldn’t keep herself in…

“D-Daddy,” y/n whined low, hoping he would say anything. “What was that?” Logan asked as he pulled his head out of the crook of her neck.

“C-Close,” she said, hoping he’d leave it alone. “Nah uh, princess. You called me daddy,” the man said, still thrusting, but slowly. Y/n whined at how much he was delaying her orgasm.

“P-Please, just keep going,” y/n begged, hands gripping his shoulders as she looked into his eyes. “Nah uh, you say that again,” Logan had fully stopped his thrust, but kept his cock in her.

“No, Logan, please! Please, keep going!” Y/n begged as she tried moving her hips, but he held her still with his grip that was still on her waist.

“Don’t start actin’ up, baby. You’ve done enough of that tonight,” Logan warned. “B-But I need it. I was so close,” she cried low, feeling a tear drop from her eye. The sexual stress and slip-ups affected her hard.

“Why can’t you just say it again, baby? Why so difficult?” Logan asked, but she ignored him and dropped her head. “Hey,” Logan saw as he cupped the girl's chin softly to make her look back up at him.

“What’s up, Bub?” He asked. “I-I just — My last partner didn’t like it and left me for it. Said I was weird and shouldn’t be having sex,” she told her short story.

“And how old was this boyfriend of yours?” Logan asked. “O-Only a couple of years older than me,” y/n said, making the man roll his eyes with a head shake and sigh.

“Little boys like him can’t handle you. He wasn’t man enough for what you had to give him, baby. You’re not weird, you’re perfect. You understand that, baby girl?” He asked. Y/n nodded as he whipped a tear from her cheek.

“Now, call me that again, baby. Be a good girl, and I’ll show you how a real boyfriend would take that word in,” Logan said as he gripped the back of y/n’s head and began his slow thrusts.

“P-Please came me cum, d-daddy,” y/n stuttered, making the man groan low. “That’s it. Keep goin,” the man said as he slowly began to pick up his pace.

“Fuck, I- Please, daddy,” y/n begged as the man moved his hand back to y/n’s cheek. “Ah uh — That’s it. That’s fuckin’ it, baby,” Logan kept his eyes on her as she rolled hers, feeling her high near again.

“Daddy — S-So good, daddy,” y/n whined, clamping down on the man’s cock. The man twitched at her voice, words, and walls. She was perfect. So damn perfect.

“Fuck, yes, baby girl — Cum on daddy's cock. Fuckin’ soak it, baby. Soak it!” Logan snapped his hips, now pounding the younger woman.

“Augh, daddy!” Y/n cried into the man’s shoulder as she relaxed around him, shaking and digging her nails into his arms and shoulders.

“Oh, yes, girl — Cum on daddy's cock,” Logan couldn’t get enough of how good she sounded. She was from heaven. She was made for her. She was a gift, and he’ll no Logan let her leave this house unless he’s with her.

[bomber-grl]

Nico Di Angelo fluff alphabet

₊˚⊹ Pairing(s): Nico Di Angelo x Reader (no pronouns/no specific godly parent)

₊˚⊹ Warning(s): cuss words, could be ooc, T*ktok/gen z humor/language

A = Admiration (what do they absolutely adore about you?)

He adores everything about you

No,it isn’t some cringe ass thing I’m saying to say

I honestly do believe he likes everything about you

Sure he’s bias on what things

But he loves the way you laugh, smile and even those cringe ass jokes you make.

B = Body (what is their favorite part of your body?)

Honestly I definitely see nicos favorite part of your body being your hands.

He loves his hair being played with and he’s always moving your hand to his head or his head to your lap.

Your lap being his second favorite place because he can rest there whenever.

C = Cuddling (how do they like to cuddle?)

Nico definitely hates physical touch of any kind

I think we all know that, however you’re the exception.

So going on, he sleeps all over the place

But, he likes when you hold him. Poor boy had been traumatized enough so having his trust and comfort and enough for you to cuddle him is 💯

So it’s pretty comforting to be able to hold him and cuddle whenever.

D = Dates (what does their ideal date with you look like?)

Honestly broski is glad ur even dating him

He’s an obvious introvert and prefers you and him alone somewhere like in your room or outside having a picnic.

Definitely prefers just the two of you but if you decide to go out he doesn’t say anything in the moment but suggests u don’t ever do that again later on.

E = Emotions (how do they express emotion around you?)

Def emotionally stiff and outwardly constipated

Inwardly his emotions are out of control

Ofc that changed eventually but still

He learns to be more expressive and it gets to the point where you’re the only one who understands what he’s feeling/thinking

F= Future (What are their plans for the future? Do they see themselves getting married, having kids?)

He doesn’t rlly have plans of a family or kids or anything

He’d only ever thought of surviving and recently, you

He doesn’t really need anything besides his friends and you, especially you

So don’t expect him to ever bring up kids or anything because u and Hazel are his family so 🤷‍♀️

G = Gifts (how do they feel about gift giving? What are their habits when it comes to this?)

He likes giving you stuff but not rlly

He likes pampering you and stuff but rlly he just shoved it in your hands and if u mention it, well just don’t.

Same vice versa except he down rlly know how to react so he’ll look like he’s trying to shit but can’t

Be gentle cuz broski might like ur gifts but can’t express it

It’s ok tho 👍

H = Holding Hands (when/how do they like to hold hands?)

Def not into pda

However, he will still hold your hand and partially because he wants to be close and protect you and cuz you’ve been arguing that he’s too cold and needs to warm up

Most likely to hold your hand while you two walk alone or if he holds your hand while he has it in his hoodie pocket

The second one happens mostly during winter

I = Injury (how would they act if you got hurt?)

Horribly

Yea he knows you’re strong and capable but he’s horribly protective

Anyone who hurts you will know his wrath and he’s not afraid to make sure it’s known

J = Jokes (do they like to joke around with or prank you? how?)

Def becomes a bit of a jokester after you get past his cold demeanor

His humor is so broken and mostly consists of online bs

Definitely includes some dark humor too

I can def see him joking around w u or even playing pranks on each other.

It seems like he’s a completely different person when he’s joking around

Def scares the campers

K = Kisses (how do they like to kiss you?)

Mostly in short but sweet pecks on the lips or cheek

Mostly on the cheek

Doesn’t rlly kiss that often but he likes being kissed

Mostly around his face and stuff but it don’t matter

Kisses change depending on the mood too so sometimes it’s desperate and even a bit heated

Nothing ever rlly comes of it tho

L = Love (how do they show you they love you?)

He’s always showing you his love and care

Even the most obvious ways, in which he’s hugging you and wanting to be close

And even if it’s most dreadfully annoying, his love language is to scold or even tell u off for scaring the shit out of him when it comes to monsters and stuff.

So yes Nico Di Angelo loves you even tho at times it seems like he doesn’t,if you ever doubt he doesn’t love you he’ll be seriously hurt

M = Melt (What do you do that absolutely makes them melt?)

All the stupid shit you do

Especially for him

Like going out of your way to buy him a bouquet and accompany it with a cringe love letter.

Or even singing him a romance song to “proclaim” your love despite the fact you’ve been together for a good while now

He honestly finds it endearing so don’t ever stop

N = Nightmare (what is their worst fear?)

His worst nightmare is losing you

He lost basically everyone in his life and you’re one of the good things left of it

So when he wakes up from a bad nightmare he appreciates you being there and rubbing his back or just hugging him

O = Obvious (How obvious do they make it that they like you?)

Not obvious whatsoever

To you (if you’re really oblivious or the average person)

Let me elaborate

Nico is very obvious if you know the difference between his normal and unnormal behavior/ if you can read him.

Otherwise you don’t got a clue

P = Pet Names (what do they like to call you?)

Cringe ass ugly ass nicknames

Based off your godly parent and powers and stuff

Def goes along when u call him pookie wookie or anything of the sort

Would be disgusted if u actually meant it

As if he wasn’t calling you his sugar booger just a sec ago

Hypocrite.

Q= Quiet (How are the calm, quiet moments with them?)

Incredible

It’s nice to just lay back and admire the stars or even each other in silence

No matter how cringe he insists it is, it’s still obvious how much he loves it especially when you get to see him smile.

R = Rhythm (what song reminds you of them?)

R= Romance (How romantic are they? What are their go to ways of being romantic?

Kinda see him as a romantic

But like doesn’t know how to be romantic

Yknow?

He definitely reads romance books, listens to romance songs but never saw himself being in a romantic relationship

So he’s rough around the edges but once y’all become comfortable he goes out of his way to show u affection

Kissing your cheek, laying on you, buying you food, etc.

S = safe (What makes them feel safe and comfortable around you?)

Cuz you’re u

You’re his boyfriend/partner and you’d have to be super close to even have this level of relationship

You guys can joke around without it being awkward or forced and that’s what he loves

He feels especially safe when he’s tucked warmly in your arms

T = Time (how long did it take you to get together?)

It took awhile

He was pretty closed off and traumatized so it makes sense

But once y’all got closer you were inseparable so it was worth it

T= Tend ( How do they act when you’re hurt or sick, and vice versa?)

He’s not exactly a healer but he uses his scariness to give u the best treatment

He’s very cold to others during this time and on edge with anything involving you.

Very protective as well

If he’s ever sick or injured the he’d appreciate if you didn’t speak too much or loudly

Don’t coddle him, he hates it

Acting as if he doesn’t smile when u do)

U = Upset (how do they act when you’re upset?)

He’s pretty much like

“Cowabummer” if it’s sum not that major

Like he’ll sympathize but move on

If it’s major he def gives u space and doesn’t say sum bs like “I understand u” or whatever

He listens and asks if u want some feedback, if not then he ain’t saying anything

Eventually gives unsolicited feed cuz he always gotta give offhand comments)

V = Vaunt (what are they proud of? Do they like to show you off?)

He’s proud of you and your guy’s relationship

He won’t exactly show it off per say but he won’t hesitate to be proud of you

He doesn’t rlly show u off but mostly just says stuff like “yea (your name) can do that but like 100x better”

But what he really thought was “(your name) would beat that guy in a sec”

Rlly admires you

W = Warrior (how do they feel about you fighting? Would they fight for you, beside you, etc?)

Fighting is kinda sorta and essential to survive as a demigod soooo…

But when it comes to fights he’s obviously protective

Just not too much where it’s annoying

Only if u got hurt or weren’t able to protect yourself

He def fights for you and besides you

If anyone insults him, ok he’s mad

But if anyone insults you, he’s fucking pissed

U better do the same broski)

W = Wash ( What’s it like taking a bath with them, or helping them wash up after a fight?)

Nicos pretty quiet and doesn’t talk after a fight

He’s exhausted and he’s too tired to, he might try to reject your help but with much perseverance you pushed through and finally was able to clean and wash him up

You bandaged him up and fed him some nectar

He was pretty obedient, not putting up a fight for the most part.

Quiet too

X = X-Ray (how well are they able to read you?)

He can read you pretty well

Atleast what you’re thinking overall

Sometimes he overthinks and begins wondering what if…?

Can understand you a decent amount

X = XO ( How do they show you affection? How much PDA are they willing to show?)

Pretty affectionate when he wants to be

Mostly when he’s sleepy and off guard

He’s warmed up to you so that includes occasional physical touch

Mostly with your hands, now he hardly fidgets with his skull ring, mostly fidgeting with your hands or something on you

These little displays of affection go unnoticed by others but not you

In terms of PDA, he hates it

Please don’t ever kiss him in front of anyone, especially Hazel

He doesn’t mind hand holding, and if you were in a life or death situation PDA is off his mind and he’d rather cry and hug and sob w u then not have you near him just cuz he’s unaffectionate in public.

Y = Yearn (What do they do when they miss you?)

Yes.

When he misses you he becomes grumpy and cranky to everyone

He’d probably lay in your bed for comfort or get one of your hoodies and put it on.

Falls asleep and hopes when he wakes up you’ll be there

Even if you’re not ,he hopes he’ll dream of you

Regrets it cuz then he misses you more even in his dreams)

Z=Zzz ( How do they act when they get sleepy? How is it sleeping in the same bed?)

He’s dizzy and a bit delirious

And you both end up cuddling after laughing and talking about random shit at 2 am

He’s kind of a crazy sleeper and has notoriously bad bed head

Cute, but rlly bad

Same when he’s sleepy

He’s so cute and most times he says what’s on his mind instead of filtering it out.

Makes you pay for it when he’s in a clearer state of mind 😔

———————————————————————————

A/N: added two prompts for a couple of letters just cuz I felt like it and don’t hesitate to let me know if there are any spelling mistakes! :)

[fangsforiris]

I've recently checked out your Yui x female headcanons and I wanna know do you actually think Yui falling in love with the diaboys is just Stockholm syndrome? I know they’re just meant to be head canons but I’m pretty curious about it (but I’m pretty sure she genuinely fell in love with them)

I was waiting for this one!! Here’s an analysis on my end!!

TW FOR PEDOPHILIA, STOCKHOLM SYNDROME, DIABOLIK LOVERS TYPICAL ABUSE.

So let’s start off with who Yui is as a character.

She’s supposed to be written as a sheltered, sweet, and overall empathetic girl who follows a strict moral code, mainly influenced by her religious views (Roman Catholicism).

This is heavily implied as in Romania at the time and as of current, Roman Catholicism is the main religion practiced.

It’s canon that her interactions with men have been controlled, as seen with her father— who did neglect her, leaving her to eat meals by herself, always be home alone, and basically only rely on the nuns for some support— but even then it wasn’t enough.

Hence why she can be considered to be a ‘good housewife’ since she has that experience on knowing how to manage a household with chores and all.

Even further pushing it for her previous relations with men, we know she had friends before— a life before— the house. Men? I would assume she was cordial when needed to be, but never was allowed to heavily interact, which is why she’s so out of date with her speaking, and pop culture— as it’s revealed by Yui, herself, that she doesn’t know that much.

But of course, why is that important? It gives the key foundlings to her environment, and also aids in assessing who’s more susceptible to Stockholm syndrome, and any tactics of abuse.

Basically who is the best ‘target’ for abusers to get too.

Her father canonically has given off-hand sketchy vibes, and also has canonically shown borderline pedophilic behaviours towards his own adoptive daughter. Even going as far as to want and attempt to marry her.

(I’m not sure where that is shown again, but in some MB routes— Kou’s, Ruki’s— he [Seiji, Her adoptive father] meets Yui and assumes she’s a vampire and attempts to kill her.)

Basically, it all starts at home. It sets the ground work for what you can take and what a person is conditioned to believe, etc.

In this case, Yui is conditioned to believe that it’s at least normal for her to appropriate these behaviours, and in a sense, still talk good about the men around her because she doesn’t know any better. She doesn’t know anything other than this.

That’s why she still tries her best to talk about her father is a positive light, because, due to her good heart, wants to believe and see the best and people (a core part in her character which allows her to live and persevere all routes— especially HDB with the boys.)

So due to that, we can take the groundwork presented to us as a Player, Reader, or consumer of the games and Diabolik Lovers Media, that Yui’s relationships and viewpoints of men is formed and directly influenced by her father and what rules he set up.

A psychological fact, everyone’s core parts and associations all start at home, with our parents. That’s why many get their viewpoints of how a man should treat you, via your father figure. And so forth.

It starts with discipline, then forming views and opinions, and overall how the treatment you receive reflects directly what you are constantly engaged and exposed to in your home-life and environment.

So for Yui, we can understand the following—

A) Relations with Father figure (which impacts her views/treatment by men) is shifty, but she still speaks in good light.

B) She is used to being alone, and handling everything herself. Bottling it in as she didn’t have that many outlets other than the obvious religious standpoint.

C) Despite it all, she’s raised to be a good person and is high or quite white, on the scale of morality.

So with that being said, what is Stockholm Syndrome?

Stockholm Syndrome is a diagnosis given when:

A) Feelings of trust or affection felt in many cases of kidnapping or hostage-taking by a victim toward a captor.

B) Hostages sometimes develop a psychological bond with their captors. It is supposed to result from a rather specific set of circumstances, namely the power imbalances contained in hostage-taking, kidnapping, and abusive relationships.

That is the formal definition, given by Oxford Dictionary and Wikipedia (Cited from: King, David [2020], and Jameson, C [2010].)

Which are official reports reviewed by psychologists and psychiatrists who are heavily trained in their field.

Now, we can take it from the anime and HDB (the darkest of the games,) that Reiji implicitly states “You are not able to leave.” To which Subaru replies, “Just tell her that if she attempts to escape she’ll die.”

That in itself tells you there’s no escape. And that from that point on, Yui becomes a hostage. In a house with pre-established men who already are high level threats to Yui, and are highly dangerous.

And what is Yui? She’s afraid. Like any sane person who understands the power difference between a man and a woman— more specifically vampires. She learns this instantly, and also faces threats of bodily harm quick into her stay.

Whatever happens later on in any route, is Yui playing the saviour. She’s expected to cater to every boy, and there are heavy repercussions if she disobeys.

There’s a master post of everything in HDB that occurs when the boys attempt to kill her.

And of course, this doesn’t just start at HDB, this also extends all all games, MB, DF, LE, and just any and all games when there’s an introduction in characters or simply just any routes.

In every route there will be at least some sort of implication of abuse or undertones. As that is what Diabolik Lovers is, a dark video game series.

Point is, if it’s Diabolik Lovers, expect some sort of abuse towards the MC/Yui/Player.

With this basis and mentality in mind, it’s heavy and dark. Which is what lead many previous brides to take their own life. They couldn’t handle the constant pressure nor the abuse being presented to them that they underwent.

So where does Yui fit into all of this?

A) She’s one of the many brides and assumed to be the last bride to enter the house due to her complicated relations with her heart.

B) She is undergoing the abuse of the Sakamaki’s, Mukami’s, Tsukinami’s, and Kino.

C) She is quite literally a victim and survivor of what countless other brides have died to. The only thing keeping her alive is her heart, which also goes to make problems for her in the future.

It’s been stated, highlighted, emphasized and understood by everyone— including Yui herself, that all she is worth is her blood. A blood bag. That is it.

Of course, this is where the Adam and Eve Plan would come into play with Yui finding an Adam out of the candidates.

However, she is still in this environnement which tolerates and even thrives off of her abuse.

Which would, in some routes, condition her to become a masochist, thriving off of her own pain, just because the vampires constantly tell her, gaslight her, and condition her to believe that she likes it.

Even after Yui consistently states she doesn’t.

(This is also influenced by Cordelia’s heart, and what Cordelia is subconsciously pushing Yui too aswell, as seen in HDB, one of the scenes with Shuu as he gets jumped in the alleyway. Her thoughts— driven by Cordelia in the moment— reflect sadistic intent. Another scene where she’s pushed to enjoy her suffering, even when Yui fights against it because somewhere inside her knows it’s wrong.)

However, this isn’t to say that the boys don’t get character development. They do. Which is how we as a consumer and player can have fan favourites and like them.

But how do they get to that point? Through Yui. Using Yui as a direct catalyst to project their abusive tendencies into her, leaving her to pick up the pieces with herself, and become an unlicensed therapist to aid in their problems.

This is directly influenced by each of the Sakamaki’s mommy issues, the Mukami’s inferiority complexes and need to succeed, and for the Tsukinami’s— their need for their race to be saved.

And of course, understanding every boys’ underlying complexities of their individual traumas which make up their character as we know it.

Yui has to suffer a lot for her to get what we see it, or what is painted as, ‘love and a good ending,’ with the selected boy and route of each respective game— along with the boy chosen.

She gets here because she’s slowly conditioned to allow these abusers to take over her life, and basically become what they need in that moment.

But she does have her own personality, her own goals, motivations, and whatnot.

However it becomes overrided by the survivor mentality she’s instantly placed in when she’s constantly around these vampiric men. She’s always on her guard, and the moment she drops it, it’s used against her.

Even when she’s seemingly in a good moment with the boys, understand, that one wrong move can send her straight to death. So everything is much more calculated than it seems.

In fact— to further prove the Stockholm syndrome affect— Yui acknowledges that she’s stuck and trapped. In Shuu’s HDB route, DARK 01, she only attempts to get Shuu to go to his classes in hopes that the Sakamaki’s will be greatful to her and let her leave.

So even if she does happen to find attraction in any of the boys, and fall in love, there’s still an outlining of conditioning that gets her to that point.

This isn’t to hate on anyone that ships Yui with any of the boys, this is simply a brief analysis of the facts from a purely psychological approach!! I’d like to think if the boys got therapy and worked through their problems, perhaps then, they wouldn’t have projected their traumas onto Yui.

But thank you for the ask!! This was fun to analyze!!

[aritamargarita]

Hey bestie, it’s been a while!! I hope your well💗 I saw requests were open and this idea came to me after watching some old segments. Could you do a love triangle between reader, trish stratus, and Jeff Hardy?☺️

hey bestieee im doing well!!! it's been a while indeed :). hope you're doing well too! so sorry this took a while! BUT THIS REQUEST...i can't explain how good this sounds LMAO I WAS LIKE “AHHHH—“...i may have gotten a little out of hand with the sadness on this one? i also kinda based it off this chart , with jeff as A, reader as B, trish as C. reader’s feelings for trish are conflicting and she kinda doesn’t think they’re real, therefore this is very jeff centered. and also kayfabe compliant lol

you guys can have an imagine..as a treat :3 alexa, pls set the tone for us *lights dim dramatically*

YOU FELT SUFFOCATED whenever they were around. You hate Jeff. You hate Trish. You hate both of them. You hate how close they are and you wish they could never see each other again....but sometimes wishes can’t be granted.

"Trish Stratus..she's just horrible, isn't she?"

Victoria’s voice comes from behind you. She sets a neatly manicured hand onto your right shoulder and leans into your ear. “I mean, just look at them.”

You didn’t want to look and she realizes this. Her hand reaches over to grab your face to forcefully turn it in their direction.

They’re standing there, holding hands and talking to each other with the biggest smiles in the world.

“Doesn’t it just make you sick? They’re rubbing it in your face, [Name].” Victoria says. “If I were you, I’d take that pretty little face….and smash it right against the mat.”

You sigh.

Her words were clearly fueled by hate. This wasn’t advice, this was just because she hated Trish. You don’t think you’ll ever get the reason as to why. Even when you accidentally walked in on one of her meltdowns and she babbled to you about how horrible she was, you were still at a loss.

“Just because you have a vendetta against her doesn’t mean that I do. She’s my—“

“We can see it in your eyes!” Stevie Richards appears from out nowhere, startling you. You’re trying to do your makeup, goddamn it. Why’d they have to come and bother you?

You whip your head around to your right. Stevie’s staring at you with nothing but a grin. He sets his hand on your left shoulder and shakes it lightly.

“C’mon. Everyone, and I mean everyone, knows you have a thing for that Hardy guy! Flower is right. I’m sure they make you sick!

Tch. Yeah, right. The only thing that everyone knows is that him and Trish were madly in love all of a sudden. And now that you think about it, the only thing that makes you sick was Stevie always calling Victoria that cheesy nickname.

“Hardy boy,” You correct. “And I don’t have a thing for him.”

You can see the reflection of the other two in the mirror. They’re not very convinced.

It’s not a thing. It never was a thing, you just think Jeff is pretty neat.

To put it in perspective, Jeff Hardy is someone you can rely on. Jeff Hardy is someone you can consider a hero. You really just think he’s neat for saving your neck a few times when it came to people ganging up on you.

And somehow, you feel like you owe him something in return. Him being with Trish only stalled your returning favor even further.

It’s driving you crazy. You haven’t talked to Jeff in days. All you do is avoid him. In other words, you’ve quit him, gone cold turkey.

Those two were getting closer and closer day by day and you just didn’t understand why.

Trish was your friend, best friend, and hadn’t even told you what was going on. The moment you heard the she kissed him right in the middle of the ring had made you really confused, to say the least.

Somehow, you felt yourself harboring some feelings for her as well. It was strange. You don’t really know why, but when Trish had started to tag with you, save you, (stating that she didn't want to see her friend in trouble), and hung around with you backstage, you started to think about her more often.

Things are difficult with her around. Things are difficult with the both of them around.

It’s the reason why you stopped talking to him and limited your interactions with her. This was for your own sanity, even if it wasn’t working out so well.

It truly is hard to believe you could find yourself in this situation.

Lita would constantly tell you how much Jeff missed you. For someone who was supposed to be “resting“and “healing up” because of her injury, she sure was hanging out backstage a lot more lately.

What makes matters worse is that her and Trish were best friends as well, so you’d occasionally hear her pass along messages. Ugh, you really wish she would stop telling you these things. It only makes you feel worse.

“I think you’re lying, [Name].” Victoria outright says. “You like him, no, love him. And seeing that plastic, fake, no good…” She has to stop herself from getting too wound up, taking a breath. “Seeing her makes you angry, doesn’t it?”

She’s right. You hate that she’s right. It does make you angry, but it makes you more sad than anything. You won’t admit it. You refuse.

“What makes me angry is the both of you trying to wind me up.” You throw your lip gloss to the ground. “Let me clarify. I do not and never will have a thing for Jeff Hardy!”

Perhaps your voice was louder than anticipated because suddenly, the hallway had gotten quiet. You had attracted unwanted attention, including looks from Trish and Jeff.

You take a deep breath. Victoria didn’t even know the whole story, so there’s no reason for you to act like this. As long as she hasn’t caught on about your thoughts about Trish, everything is fine and dandy.

Victoria only lets out a cackle, as does Stevie. They just couldn’t help it! The look on your face was just hilarious and you couldn’t have been anymore obvious with your true intentions about him.

Though you want to ask them what the hell was so funny, you realize there’s nothing you can do to save face, so you just storm off. You don’t think you can ever show your face backstage again after that.

The sound of footsteps behind you cause you to stop. “If the both of you are following me, I swear to god, I’ll—“

“It’s neither.” It’s Trish, all dressed up in her red ring gear. Her and Jeff were both dressed up, actually. “Were they bothering you? I can deal with them if you need.”

You wave your hand. “No, it’s no big deal.” In response, she gives you a smile, one that genuinely makes you feel sick.

There’s suddenly a strange tension in the room as Trish lifts up her hand to bite on her index fingernail. There are little details that you feel like you hadn’t noticed about her before in that moment, irrelevant as it was.

The way she curled her hair was different. Maybe it was the amount of lipgloss she applied, which seemed significantly noticeable.

The look on her face gives you the impression she’s not nervous at all, if anything, she seems a bit gleeful. “…So,” You feel like you already know what’s coming as she speaks up. “…I didn’t know you had a thing for Jeff…?”

There’s a teasing tone behind her voice, which makes you just want to quite literally leave the country and change your name. Dramatic, yes, but you feel like this is too much.

“Jeff is,” You have to pause for a minute, trying to phrase things carefully. “He’s cool. What brought you to that conclusion? I don’t have a thing for him..”

Trish probably couldn’t tell that you were in denial. “For one, your obvious yelling in the hallway. But if you say you don’t, I believe you.”

And speak of the devil, because he starts to come over to you two without a care in the world. He reaches out to hold Trish’s hand and you have to turn your attention anywhere but there.

“Hey, [Name].” Jeff greets. Honestly, he’s happy to see you. It’s been too long since you’ve spoken to him.

“Hi.” You come off bitter, but you do your best to mask any of it with a forced smile.

For some reason, Jeff feels like he’s over the moon, even if you had only greeted him. “How are you doing? Lita told me that you weren’t doing so well.“

“She’s not?” Trish turns over to look at you with a frown. “You aren’t? What’s wrong?”

Fucking Lita, again with this! This is exactly why you wish she’d just be quiet. You found yourself in a really awkward place because of her. “She’s wrong. I’m fine, like way fine.”

Jeff nods. On another note, he smelt like so much paint. If you looked closely enough, it was almost like it was fresh. You point this out in attempt to shift the topic. “You painted yourself again, huh? The colors are nice,”

The compliment you had given him about the colors had made him feel as if he was getting somewhere.

“Yeah. Sooner or later, I’ve gotta paint something on you. Pick any color and I’ll do it. Wherever you want.” He says. “You’re the canvas.”

Trish smiles. “He’s really good at it. But he’s also really good at getting it all over me..” She giggles, looking down at her hand.

There was definitely chemistry and you feel like you don’t belong. It pains you. “Hey, I just noticed. Do you two have a match tonight or something?”

“We do!” Trish chimes. “It’s funny you say that. It’s against Victoria and Stevie Richards. Don’t worry, we’ll kick their butt for you. Speaking of which, I think we have to go to gorilla. Let's go, Jeff.”

“Have a good match.” You wave. They both thank you and leave you be, but you can see them talking on their own as they head down the corridor.

You’re alone with your thoughts once more, that is until a sickeningly sweet voice had made you groan.

“Oh sweet, sweet [Name].” Victoria coos, reaching over to caress your cheek. You swipe her hand away and she laughs. “I think that was so rude. The audacity of him, right? Just showing up with her like that in front of you.”

You just stare at her.

She continues on, knowing that she’s got you right where she wants. “Now that you know we have a match against them...come with us.”

It sounds more like a command than a request and she’s smiling all the while. “Having them lose would make them feel like they’ve lost everything."

Is that really true? No, is that what you really want? You're hesitant. “I don’t know, it seems a little—“

She quickly cuts you off. “You can trust me, [Name]. We’re friends.”

Friends. You’ve heard that word a lot lately. But you feel as if you had no other choice, you had to trust Victoria. So, you end up following her to gorilla in hopes of getting what you want.

When it was your turn, commentary referred to you as something akin to a lost puppy. You were clearly hesitating, taking painfully slow steps down the ramp.

Stevie has to rush back to grab you by the arm and pull you down the ramp a bit faster, which makes you yelp. “Ow, ow, ow! You’re grabbing me too tight—!” He pays no mind to your complaint, instead presenting you to the duo in the ring as if you were a trophy.

Trish and Jeff were confused. Really confused. Why were you out here with them? The two pass whispers amongst each other while Stevie joins Victoria in the ring.

You can’t look them in the eye, so you try and focus on Stevie as he’s the one to start the match with Jeff. As soon as they lock up, you let out a shrill for Stevie.

It almost makes Jeff break it up, so Stevie quickly takes advantage and stiffs him a bit. You lean your head onto the apron. It's going to be a long one..

So far, Victoria and Stevie weren’t doing too well. Trish and Jeff were completely dominating them and it makes you irritated. You want to help them out a bit. It’s Victoria and Trish in the ring while Jeff and Stevie were going at it outside.

Trish irish whips Victoria into the corner, and the latter brings up her knee to slam right into Trish’s face. As a rebound, Trish decides to hit the Stratusphere once Victoria starts to climb onto the top rope.

Alright, you can’t keep watching anymore. You absolutely have to interfere! Once she grabs her from off of the ground and starts heading towards the rope, you already know she’s about to do Stratusfaction.

In an attempt to stop her, you hop up onto the apron. The referee tries to stop you from getting in in the meanwhile. It’s clear that she hesitates coming towards your side, which gives Victoria enough time to try and reverse it into a Widow’s Peak.

Trish is able to maneuver her way back out of it though, much to your surprise. And instead of hesitating any further, she grabs Victoria by the back of her hair and uses you as leverage for her finisher. It hurt like hell once you hit the ground.

…Actually, you may have landed wrong. Almost immediately, a shot of pain had shot up your right leg, making you curl up and grab onto it. The crowd to let out a gasp.

‘[Name] falling off the apron, by god, that was a nasty fall!’ JR calls. ‘This may be bad news!’

On the other side of him, Jerry cries out. ‘Oh no! Come over here, [Name]! I’ll nurse it better!’

You don’t know what sucks more, the sound of the bell ringing along with Trish’s theme music or the fact you may have been injured. What if you’re taken off of TV? You feel like you’ll have to share your time off with Lita, who would probably drive you insane the entire time.

This is really bad. What starts to make it worse is that Stevie starts to stomp over to you. You can barely stand, which makes him yank you up harshly. He guided you over to the ring and pushed you in.

Now, you’ll have to answer to Victoria. As you try and use the ropes to get up, she stands over you, jabbing a finger in your face. “What the hell was that, [Name]?!”

“I was trying to help you!” It’s safe to say you’re afraid of Victoria right now. She's so unstable, you hated to be on her bad side. "I was!"

"We LOST!" She screams. "That bitch won! And it's all because of you! Guess what?! You're going to pay!"

Shit. Stevie grabs you and lifts you up, keeping you in a hold so that he’s got your arms hooked behind you. Victoria felt that she had no other choice but to punish you.

She reels her arm back in preparation. On instinct, you close your eyes.

…But nothing ever comes. You hear the crowd begin to cheer louder and you open your eyes to see that Trish had slid back into the ring and knocked her down. They move out of the ring, giving the other two enough space.

Of course, Jeff came back, easily maneuvering over to you and Stevie. He lets you go and you crash onto the ground, only able to watch them go at it.

Your leg was definitely busted. You can barely move! Luckily, the fight between the boys in the ring hadn’t last too long. Stevie rolls out of the ring to escape, while Jeff quickly comes over to you.

“Ya’ alright?”

"Besides my leg feeling like it's broken, sure, I'm alright." You sarcastically remark. He starts to walk and you try to hop along with him. “Dude, you’re going to have to slow down.”

“Sorry.” He quickly apologizes, slowing his speed so that you’re comfortable. You note that he’s not as harsh as Stevie was. He’s trying to guide you to the very edge of the ring.

…But he suddenly stops halfway before you get there. “What’re you doing?” You ask.

Jeff doesn’t reply.

Will he’ll regret this later? It didn’t matter. Before you can question him again, he reaches over to grab your face and brings you in for a quick kiss.

You don’t even know what to do. It was so fast, you didn’t even get the opportunity to decide whether you wanted to kiss back or not.

Perhaps it’s a random act of kindness. Maybe even an act of sympathy? You’re not even sure. You just look dumbfounded.

That’s the first time he’s ever done that. He goes back to helping you out of the ring without a word and you feel like it’s for the best.

Somehow, you have to fight the growing smile on your face, despite how much guilt may lie beneath.

Jeff Hardy is a strange individual, that’s for sure. But you know that he’ll always be a hero at the end of the day.

[frasier-crane-style]

Watching White Collar, I'm in a two dimes situation with this and Stargate: Atlantis, where you actually watch a show with a huge slash fandom and find that the two guys aren't gay at all. I know slash fandom will read pretty much any relationship between two men as buttsex, but in this case, it seems so specific that Peter is the aloof big brother reluctantly giving guidance and Neil is the hyperactive kid brother reluctantly admitting he needs guidance that, I don't know, it kinda stuns me you could see that as sexual? They're closer to being father/son

Plus, Peter is not only married, but his wife Elizabeth is the third lead. She has good chemistry with Peter, they have a loving and respectful relationship--anytime going undercover requires that Peter feint interest in another woman, he's deeply mortified, even though Elizabeth is entirely understanding and trusting of him (to the point where she finds it funny more than anything else). She's not a rarely seen afterthought the way, say, Elliot Stabler's wife is.

This got me thinking about fandom OT3s. A lot of them are pretty simple. There's a love triangle? Well, what if all three of them got together? There, problem solved. The Bettie/Veronica/Archie thing. Self-indulgent, but it scratches an itch. I can respect it. Go write Bella Swan being double-teamed by both Team Edward and Team Jacob. What, we're saying this is where the fantasy gets unbelievable?

But there's a weirdly specific variant I wanna talk about. A and B are the two guys the fandom wants to slash together. C is A's female love interest. They're deeply committed to each other and C is too likeable for fandom to want to kick her to the curb. So, they just say that all three are in a relationship, despite B and C simply being good friends with little if any romantic/sexual interest in each other.

Exact same thing happened in Leverage fandom. Elliot and Hardison are da boys and fandom wants to slash them. Hardison and Parker have longstanding sexual tension that eventually becomes a relationship. Parker and Elliot are on good terms, but not really intimate with each other at all.

Nonetheless, fandom insists that the three of them are a love thing to the point where it's even 'acknowledged' by the show (in a wink-wink, plausible deniability sorta way where Elliot continues to date assorted women despite being in a 'relationship'). It's polygamy entirely driven by cope because slashers feel it's bad feminism to kick a girl out of the way of the yaoi sex they really want.

Sociologically, that's fascinating to me. It's like if men consumed a genre of porn where each movie included one male-on-male sex scene, despite that not arousing them at all, just for the sake of equality. Damn, bitch, you're really letting your fantasy life be colonized by Miss Manners?

[four-loose-screws]

Fogado Ally Notebook Pages Full Translation

While reading Fogado's Ally Notebook pages to answer the ask I received about his inability to swim being removed in localization, I noticed there were a few other changes as well. So I decided to translate and make some quick notes about all of the other pages as well!

Ally Notebook Pages in Japanese

Ally Notebook Pages in ENG Localization

Initial Page

This page is pretty straightforward, the only change is swapping out the word ‘vigilante’ for ‘sentinel,’ even to the point of changing Fogado’s unique class name. In Japanese, it is ‘vigilante’ written in Japanese katakana. Given that the word ‘vigilante’ can have some pretty heavy meaning behind it in English, I understand why the localization team chose to move away from using it.

Japanese:

フォガート (Fogado) 【初期兵種】ヴィジランテ (Starting class: Vigilante) 【誕生日】2の月14の日 (Birthday: February 14th) 【備考】ソルム王国第一王子。(Basic Info: Eldest prince of Solm.) 臣下にパンドロ、ボネがいる。(His retainers are Pandreo and Bunet.) 自警団として異形兵の討伐に 向かう途中、道に迷う神竜一行に 声をかけて道案内を申し出た。(While on his way to hunt corrupted with his vigilante group, he approaches the Divine Dragon’s party when they are lost and offers to lead their way.)

Localization:

Initial Class: Sentinel Birthday: February 14th Basic Info: Prince of Solm. Pandreo and Bunet are his retainers. While hunting for Corrupted, he met the Divine Dragon’s party lost in the desert and offered his help.

C Rank Page

Fogado’s likes are all the same, but some changes happen in his dislikes. 

First is in relation to his dislike of yams. Technically the word used in Japanese, 芋 (imo), refers to a wider variety of tubers, like potatoes, sweet potatoes, yams, and even some varieties we do not see as much in the West like the nagaimo. The English simplifies it down to yams, because English doesn’t have a word that quite covers the exact same range of tubers as the Japanese word imo.

The second change is the complete removal of his dislike of swimming. As an anon pointed out to me on Tumblr, this is likely due to the harmful history and stereotype behind the idea that black people cannot swim.

Japanese:

【好きなもの】(Likes) 肉、宴会、音楽、花、自然、(meat, parties, music, flowers, nature) トロピカルフルーツ、家族、仲間 (tropical fruits, family, friends) 【苦手なもの】(Dislikes) 怪談、御伽噺、芋、釣り、(scary stories, fairy tales, tubers, fishing) 泳ぐこと、真意を見破られること (swimming, having his true intentions revealed)

Localization:

Likes: meat, parties, music, flowers, nature, tropical fruit, family, friends    Dislikes: scary stories, fairy tales, yams, fishing, having his true intentions revealed

B Rank Page

His hobbies were changed to not overtly say that he likes flirting. I chose the awkward translation “hitting on someone,” just to be as close to the Japanese wording as possible, for fun.

His background was trimmed down a little bit in localization as well, probably due to space limitations. The Japanese specifically explains that he was raised so carefree because his sister can inherit the throne.

Japanese:

【趣味】お喋り、誰かを口説くこと (Hobbies: Banter, hitting on someone) 【特技】偵察、身分を隠すこと (Talents: Surveillance, hiding his identity) 【来歴】第一王子として生まれるが (Background:) ソルムは女王制のため姉よりさらに 自由に育つ。幼少時は王配である (Born as the eldest prince, but because women have the right to rule in Solm, he was raised even more carefreely than his older sister.) 父と国を放浪。身分を隠し立ち回る (He would wander his country with his father when he was young.) 術を身に着け、今も役立っている。(He learned the skill of walking about hiding his identity, and still makes use of it even today.) 現在は国を守るため自警団に所属。(Currently serving in the vigilante group to protect his country.)

Localization:

Hobbies: partying, banter Talents: surveillance, going incognito Background: Carefree prince of Solm and Sentinel captain, Fogado learned to conceal his identity while traveling with his father as a boy.

A Rank Page

Japan has a different ring sizing system, so the number is totally different from the localization.

Again, the localization removed explicit mention of his love of flirting and hitting on anyone he fancies. I am not native Japanese, and do not know if use of the word “誰でも” (anyone) is implying that he is bisexual!

Japanese:

【��長】178cm (Height: 178cm) 【薬指の指輪サイズ】18号 (Ring finger size: 18) 【性格】明るく大らかな性格で、(Personality: Cheerful, easygoing,) 気に入れば誰でも口説く人たらし。(and hits on anyone he is interested in.) 宴や楽しいことが大好き。(Loves parties and fun things.) 軽さと親しみやすさを持つ半面、(One side of him is light and easy to get along with,) 切れ者で相手の腹を探るのが得意。(his strengths are that he is sharp and can read people easily.) 軍の中で一番、素直に好きと言う。(In the entire army, he’s said to be the most unabashedly affectionate.)

Localization:

Height: 5’10” Ring Size: 9 | R 3/4 Personality: Cheerful and gregarious, Fogado loves parties and having fun. He’s also crafty and perceptive. He is the most unabashedly affectionate ally in the army.

Ring Page

As Fogado is one of the 17-year-old characters, his page was altered as needed to remove explicit romantic connotations.

Japanese:

【パートナーとしての毎日】(Daily life as partners) 会う度に大好きだとあなたに言うが (He says that he loves you every time he sees you, though) その意味合いが以前とは変化した。(the meaning behind it has changed from before.) 愛情表現が非常に情熱的なため、(His expressions of his love are so passionate,) 見ている仲間たちが照れてしまう。(they make allies who witness them blush.) 約束の指輪は常に身に着けており、(He is always wearing the Pact Ring,) 戦の前に指輪に口付け、二人とも (and before battle kisses it,) 無事戻れるよう願掛けをしている。(making the wish that both of you can return safely.)

Localization:

Life with Fogado: Though he still enjoys being a rascal, Fogado is entirely genuine when he’s with the Divine Dragon. He always wears the Pact Ring and, before battle, kisses the gem at its center for good luck.

[yes0another0outsiders0blog]

SFW Alphabet : Ponyboy Curtis

Should I have aged Pony up for this? Maybe. Was I over halfway done writing this before I realized that with no desire to rewrite any of it? Absolutely. Did I give a few cheap "idk, man, he's like 14" answers on some of these? Uh, yeah, sorry 'bout that--

Mention of substance abuse/dependency in "ugly."

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Insanely, whenever he can be. Always wants a hug, always wants to hold hands. Incredibly lovey. He's 14, it's probably his first relationship, he is a reader and writer that watches sunsets so you know he romanticizes the hell out of every little thing.

The gang teases Pony a LOT for how affectionate he is with you and then he usually gets all embarrassed about it and gets all weird about pda for a while. Thinks that everyone is just jealous and nobody has ever been this in love and they just don't understand, really he's just easy to make fun of because he's a kid in his first relationship and he's really cringe and awkward about it.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Y'all most likely met at school, did a group project together or something and obviously he's such a sweetie that you weren't not going to be his friend.

You guys become quick friends, you're probably his best school friend instantly (because you actually have classes with him unlike anyone in the gang that's still in school), he'll always sit next to you. Constantly defending each other if anyone talks shit, he takes you to the movies and you two watch sunsets together because no one else cares to do that kind of stuff with him, you go to every track meet to support him and if you're in a club/sport you can bet your ass he's always there to support you. SUPER wholesome besties.

You also have to be his street smarts and basic common sense, though, because this boy has none. He'll go to do anything or open his mouth to say something naieve and you'll have to, like, grab his sleeve and say "now, let's actually think about that, buddy" because otherwise he's saying some r/im14andthisisdeep bullshit that will get him beaten to a pulp just for being annoying, or he'll start on some crazy ungrateful rant about how Darry should be a better guardian and you need to knock some fucking sense into him because absolutely not.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Loves to cuddle, but doesn't get to often. Darry is pretty strict about Ponyboy keeping his bedroom door wide open when you're there or (preferably) sticking to the living room or kitchen, so cuddling at home is a no-go. Obviously, cuddling is difficult at school too because, uh, teachers.

Sometimes you two will go out to the lot or skip a class and head out to the bleachers to lay in the grass and cuddle. Usually, it's very simple. Sitting next to each other with someone's head on the other's shoulder and arms around each other. One of you on your back and the other with their head nuzzled into their chest or neck. Kind of minimal touching, as far as cuddling goes.

He's afraid he'll be hormonal if the cuddling is too intense, lol.

Sometimes, when you two are in the lot, Darry *will* catch you guys but let it slide because, again, it's very minimal touching and could almost be platonic.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Good at cleaning. Doesn't really like cleaning, but would rather get it over with than live in a dirty space, so it would get done even if Darry wasn't there to constantly harp on him to do his damn chores. Does need the reminders because he'll honest to god forget about the dishes in the sink or whatever, but does them right when he does remember them.

Fine at cooking. Capable of reading a recipe, doesn't have the skill or experience to add on or better it. Does the basics, wouldn't be against learning more, but just hasn't really had the chance/need to yet.

Wants to settle down eventually. Sees himself having a pretty traditional/basic life. College, married, house, kids, that kind of stuff.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Would do anything to avoid a break-up. Ends up distancing himself and hoping you break up with him over it. Doesn't want to hurt you, ends up hurting you more than if he just sat down and talked to you about splitting up. If you don't take the hint and dump him he'll probably hand you a note in the hallway and leave SO fast so he doesn't have to do it face-to-face.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Again, overly romanticizes. Thinks that when he loves somebody it's the truest love to ever be felt by anyone. Is instantly daydreaming about the future. Ponyboy is big on commitment, but he's young so it's all an "eventually" type of thing. Y'all probably have legit promise rings a year in.

Just smart enough (that's a lie, it's because Darry said so) to decide to wait for actual marriage until he actually graduates and has a stable job instead of the second y'all are both 18 like he originally planned.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

SO gentle. Especially physically, treats you so good. Emotionally, he's really gentle but can get really socially unaware and ends up saying something stupid way too often because he just genuinely doesn't see/consider the issue with whatever he said. But the kid TRIES.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Loves hugs. Will hug you goodbye every single time you go to leave. Will give you a congratulatory hug if you achieve anything. He's physically pretty sensory seeking, he likes holding onto things.

Hugs are usually fairly short and sweet, though. Very warm and nice, but if it goes on for too long then he feels a bit awkward. Like, he doesn't know what to do with his hands after a while and starts to worry that you're uncomfortable, he spends way too much mental energy thinking about the most appropriate hug length.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

On the second date. The first date is so casual and very mutual-crush-besties, but after he just thinks about you and how much he's fallen for you. On the second date, he's basically instantly confessing his love and asking if you want to be in an official relationship.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Average amount of jealousy. No issue with you having friends or anything. Only gets really jealous when someone is getting flirty with you or you start paying an extreme amount of attention to someone.

Gets really moody when jealous, may not even realize he is jealous. A lot of "no, it's fine" and shit. Irritable, usually isolates or vents to someone else.

He apologizes when someone informs him that he's being a jealous jerk, though. Again, he usually doesn't clock the feeling so he has no idea he's doing it.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Quick, sweet, a bit shy. A peck on the cheek or a quick brush of the lips. He'd probably get in trouble for it at school with teachers and at home with Darry, or most of the rest of the gang will tease you two RELENTLESSY anytime they catch you two, so kisses are super sneaky and the types that you can pull away from real quick.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Neither loves nor dislikes children, doesn't really know what to do with kids. He's the youngest person he's around most of the time, he would be so confused if you just plopped a kid down in front of him. Would probably be really good with a quiet, "good" kid, he'd love to read to them or babysit one of those kids that just, like, sit in the corner and draw or quietly play with toys for hours. The second a kid starts being super hyper or rambunctious, though, he'd be so overwhelmed and need an adult *RIGHT* now.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Y'all meet up at school and spend as much time together as possible before the bell rings. Studying for first period, chatting about upcoming plans or the day before, etc.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

A hug and a kiss goodbye at your door, lol. You think you're spending the night? You think he's allowed to spend the night at your place? C'mon, now.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Pretty open when it's relevant. Like, if asked a direct question he isn't going to lie and he doesn't really have an issue talking about himself. As soon as he sees you as a safe person that won't make fun of him for it, he's deep-diving into how he feels about almost everything to get your perspective. A lot of the gang either doesn't care to listen or will make fun of him for being a little bitch, so Ponyboy will absolutely latch on to someone willing to listen to his random emotional and philosophical bullshit.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Gets moody or frustrated easily, stresses easily and may need a break from whatever is getting to him. But actually angry? Slightly below average. There are things that will absolutely push those buttons quick enough, but he isn't actually angry so much as overwhelmed a fair amount of the time.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Remembers a surprising amount of little things. Your favorite and least favorite colors? Foods? Books? Movies? Etc? Absolutely remembers all of them. Might forget bigger things, like your birthday or something. And it isn't like he even forgets!! He just has that weird "is time real?" anxiety that some people have. Like "I know their birthday is on [date], and it's [date] today, but is it *REALLY* [date]??? What if I say happy birthday and they're confused and tell me it isn't their birthday? Maybe I should wait for someone else to tell them happy birthday first, just to be safe..."

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Your second date. Eating at the diner where he told you he loved you and asked you to be his officially, watching the sunset, catching a late movie, and then walking you home and giving you a hug and kiss goodbye at the door.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Around average on the protective scale? Wants to know you're safe, obviously. If anyone is bothering you, he's by your side. If anyone is actively bullying you, Ponyboy will try to get the whole gang to defend you (and if anything serious is going on, they probably will). Will listen to you vent and rant, and (maybe reluctantly) accepts that you can take care of yourself. Will follow your lead mostly, stays close and will happily defend you if you look to him.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Tries so hard. Writes love letters, makes sure there's plenty to do on dates (it's never *just* a movie, it's dinner and a movie and talking for hours after), buys you a little gift or treat whenever he has spending money, helps you with school work whenever you need it, walks you home even if it's way out of the way for him.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Extremely addictive personality. He is canonly the heaviest smoker of the group despite also being the youngest, also considers himself addicted to pepsi and--while that could absolutely just be an exaggeration in saying it's his favorite drink--I wouldn't be surprised if he was fairly addicted to the caffeine. He also misuses prescriptions. Having problems with addiction early in life can lead to more issues with addiction later down the line, whether through stronger substance dependency/abuse or just addictive behaviors such as gambling or similar.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

About as much as a young teen is expected to be. Has a good plenty look-based insecurities, definitely wants to look tuff or whatever. Doesn't make it his whole thing. Also probably grows out of it fairly completely unlike some people.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

110% yes. This is true love to him. Yall are soul mates.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Don't know if this is obvious in how I write him, but I headcanon him as autistic (because I'm autistic and I say so, idk). Not diagnosed, because it's the 60s.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Not seeing (or at least trying to see) his point of view. He can be rather emotionally driven sometimes, and it does help when he has someone to give an objective or logical perspective when he's like that, but if you don't start with "yeah, I understand where your coming from, but also consider..." then he'll feel like you're just telling him he's wrong and his feelings don't matter. A lack of sympathy/empathy (idk which, I lack both, oops) is a good way to make him uncomfortable with you as a whole.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Sleeps holding onto something for dear life. A pillow, balling up the blankets next to him, partner, whatever.

[toasttt11]

fluff alphabet

A = Affection, How Affectionate are they? How do they show their Affection?

Rutger would hold and kiss Lex all day if he could, he loves touching her in anyway. Lex does love touching Rutger and loves to cuddle with him.

B= Beauty, What do they admire about each other? What do they think is beautiful about each other?

Lex adores everything about Rutger but if he puts on his glasses it’s over for her. Or anything to do with his hair she absolutely adores.

Rutger absolutely favorite thing of Lex is her eyes, he loves how they express what she doesn’t show and he can always tell how much she loves him by looking in her eyes.

C= Comfort, How do they comfort each other? What comfort do they need?

Lex either wants to just be held but sometimes she needs to rant and get everything out but she needs validation and Rutger is happy to give that to her.

Rutger just wants to be held by her and it makes him feel better when she reassures him.

D= Dates, What are their usually dates?

The diner. Just the two of them and their chocolate chip pancakes.

E= Events, Who goes to more of their lover’s family’s events.

Lex goes to more of Rutger’s family events just because when they are in Michigan his family lives only a few minutes away so she sees them more than her own family.

F= Feelings, Who falls first?

Rutger. It was love at first sight for him and he has had the biggest crush on her for years. Lex on the other hand didn’t fall for Rutger untill they went to College.

G= Getting together, How do they get together?

They had almost kissed the weekend before and Lex ignored Rutger after that, They had a game and he got seriously injured and it kinda hit her that she can’t be scared of her feelings because you never know what might happen.

H=Hugs, How often do they hugs, do they like hugs?

Rutger always makes sure to hug her every day, Lex loves when he hugs her from behind it makes her feel safe.

I= I love you, how fast do they say i love you

Not to fast but definitely after a really hard game and they are both devastated because it was one of their last games at college but the hold each other in bed that night and tell each other they love you.

J=Joker, Who’s got the better sense of humor? Do they tease each other often?

Rutger is the funnier one but Lex is more sarcastic. They tease each other quite often.

K= Kisses, Do they kiss often? Where is their favorite places to kiss?

Lex loves to kiss the side of Rutgers neck. Once Rutger finds out about her scar on her eyebrow he starts always kissing there.

L= Love language, What are their love languages? If they are different how do they make sure to show their love

Rutger is definitely physical touch so he just wants to always be touching Lex to show his love but Lex is more of acts of service she loves helping out the people she loves. The two find it quite easy to do both for each other.

M= Memories, Is one of them on the more sentimental side?

Both. They both keep a lot of physical memories and they are also both always taking pictures.

N= Nicknames, What do they call each other?

Rutger- Ollie, Baby, my ollie, my pretty girl

Lex- Rut, Pretty boy, my pretty boy, lover boy, baby

O=Open, How open are they with each other?

Rutger is genuinely the more open one but Lex starts to open up more and more as the time goes on in their relationship.

P= PDA, How do they feel about PDA?

Rutger doesn’t have any issues with it. Lex on the other hand tends to like to keep the things she loves to herself likes to keep them private and kidna protected. They have a talk about PDA quite early on in their relationship and they understand both of each other’s sides.

Q= Quiet, Would they rather spend a quiet night at home together or spending it out?

Both. They like cuddling in bed and watching a show together or just talking but they also love going on drive together or going out to eat dinner or even hanging out with their friends together.

R= Romantic, How are they romantic to each other?

Lex can be quite romantic as she loves to do act of services for the people she cares for but Rutger is also the biggest simp for his girlfriend.

S= Support, How supportive are they of each other and how do they support each other?

Lex and Rutger are extremely supportive of each other and are always supporting one another.

T= Try, How much effort to do they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts and just daily tasks for each other?

Lex. She try’s to make sure that Rutger understands how extremely important he is to her and that she does love him. She shows her love the best in action.

U = Urge, who’s the most impulsive? who do they loop into their plans, and who entertains their antics?

Both! they both can be extremely impulsive but both of them love it.

V= Vacations, how do vacations look for them?

It just has to be somewhere warm or sunny for Lex and she doesn’t care! She always let Rutger pick where they are going because she knows he wants to travel certain places.

W = Worthy, Do they have any insecurities?

Rutger was always worried before they got together they Lex would never like him and wouldn’t think of him like that.

Lex gets worried sometimes that she made Rutger wait so long for her that he might lose feelings because he waited so long.

X = Xoxo, who checks up on their partners a lot when they’re apart

Lex doesn’t use her phone often but will always have Rutger’s notifications on and if they are apart because he always texts her first.

Y= Yearn, who misses each other more?

Rutger is the clinger one in the relationship but that doesn’t mean Lex doesn’t miss him just as much.

Z= Zzz, how do they sleep together?

Lex loves being wrapped up in his arms always feeling the safest if he’s holding her and Rutger doesn’t care as long as they sleep next to each other.

[silviakundera]

The Spirealm episode 5 -7 reaction (Let's call this episode 4 now per the new 38 episodes version)

fair warning: in these episode reactions I'm not gonna pretend I haven't read the novel. in fact, I purposely finished the novel before viewing, to get The Full Experience. thus novel spoilers, including twist end, included.

[1] [2] [3-4]

DON'T LEAN ON THE BANISTER ASDFGHJK

Ruan Baijie saving his boyfriend's ass yet again, must be Tuesday.

Then first key!!!! I wanna see the key!!!!!!!!

The survivors: wow, ok, Baijie really loves u

"Are you leaving so soon and reluctant to leave me?" // "No, it's not that," he lies

The suspicious survivors just couldn't resist trying to steal the door note and now no one has the key but the monster NICE GOING 😒

ahh and then the reveal that ofc Ruan Baijie figured out the taboos long before. He saves those who are worthy (aka his new partner).

wow Ruan Baijie is pretty. gifs don't do him justice.

Death match vs the bad hair day from The Ring.

Ep6

The whole scene in the opening of ep 6 is terribly cute. Ruan Baijie exposed as a drama sprite who was faking his injury, but Lin Quishi just accepts this in good humor as he's told this was just to "bring us closer" and for fun. Another round of, you're really picking me? but why?

He really does the, 'come closer' move to make your crush get up close so you can create a sense of intimacy with hushed voices smh

"Because there is light in you."

oh, did you give me this expensive looking necklace because you want me to join your gang?

no, because you are you.

..... misses the very gay pass completely.

(tbh I feel as if the actor is playing it like his character IS sensing the romantic undertones sometimes but doesn't know how to respond/not ready to process it and so represses & pushes it out of his mind and to the side)

Ep 7

They solved the case. Ruan Baijie gives him back the key again, "Still yours." They exchange a romantic look before he steps over.

Our protagonist thinks he's back in reality and only 15 minutes have passed. But of course that's not true: whether he entered the game time A, B, C, or it's the 12th Door theory... he's still in-play.

A roommate?? This must be the Wei what's his face, his One Friend I recall from the novel. With the girlfriend.

Injuries from the door lingering "outside".

Chestnut won't let him hug! (The clue in the novel that this is still within the door. Now, is this a new phenom or was it already Like That in ep 1? 🤔 Remains ambiguous.)

Wait, in this drama the One Friend has heard of Spirealm?! And it's eviiiill reputation. Everyone who plays it "goes insane and commits suicide". Lin Quishi acts like he hasn't already been warned that players die from the game.

Ah, created by a chinese designer who wanted to make a "comprehensive spirit world". The story goes, after he made it he added all the violent elements to the version he sold, to make it a bloody survival game.

'Can't control when you enter the door, can't get rid of it, Men Can Conquer Heaven'.

Bro goes to sleep and startles awake cause Ruan Nanzhu fka Baijie is pulling an Edward Cullen by his bedside. The more intense looking Nanzhu asks him to come along. Naturally, our boy stumbles along and meets!!! Cheng Qianli!!!!!!! 😄😄😄😄 Who is driving, like the scene in the novel. IM SO HAPPY.

Headquarters!!!!! The group!#####!!!! I'm hyped to see them all live & in color.

Emphasized again that once you enter the game, you must complete all 12 doors to get rid of the mental control of the game. ~Mind control~

(because the censors won't allow it to be explicitly supernatural)

(which doesn't mean the writer didn't intend to get around this barrier by using subtext & inferences that novel readers would understand 🤔🤔)

The clue for his next door freaks out the whole house. But then he meets cranky Cheng Yixie!!!!

He's settling in but the moment he glimpses Nanzhu's returned BUT INJURED *gasp* Must scurry down for hurt/comfort UST.

Love how absolutely unnecessary this hand-holding is. Light piano background to set the romantic mood.

A gurgling stomach growl from Ruan Nanxhu & Lin Quishi takes the initiative to stand up and make himself at home to cook for the man who's obviously being positioned as his love interest. (Like in The Untamed & Word of Honor, we're not being terribly subtle here.)

This is the 3rd time we've seen an instinctive caretaking gesture from him towards Nanzhu and the last moment as we fade out is the "boss man" looking down at his newly bestowed bandage and obviously GOING THRU IT. He's making this sigh and curling his fingers and everything.

side note: Lin Quishi is getting flashes of himself trapped under rubble. This is the second time we see them. Are they flash backs? Of a past event he survived, giving him baggage to carry? OR are we circling back again to my alternate, alternate theory that an evil VR game is part of the illusion and this IS the supernatural Doors from the novel that terminal people can get a chance to enter, to prolong or possibly prevent your death? (if so, then Ruan Nanzhu is still indeed the 12th door god. and Lin Quishi must decide to remain in the fantasy or exit & return to reality?)

[mejcinta]

House of the Dragon Season 2 Ep 1: A SON FOR A SON reaction.

One word: JAEHAERYS TARGARYEN. Even with the minimal screen time, he snatched my heart as Aegon’s little fatherhood project. You can tell Aegon projects so much of what he wanted with Viserys into the boy. The murder of Jaehaerys and the trauma precious Jaehaera (basically mini Haelaena who Aegon is careful not to over-stimulate with touch) faced at the hands of Blood and Cheese will make Aegon abandon his trepidation and respect for Viserys as seen by how he destroys the Old Valyria model in episode 2.

Helaena and Aegon’s failmarriage and co-parenting arrangement is EVERYTHING to me. It’s exactly how I would’ve written them pre-B&C. Helaena’s ‘choice’, which is a BIG change from the book, probably has something to do with her ‘dreams’. In difficulty, she saved Jaehaera (her only girl) and gave up Jaehaerys. Her dreams are unconsciously guiding her to accept hard realities (Jaehaerys’ inevitable murder) and to prepare for future realities like the birth of a new heir (Maelor). But this in no way means that she won’t suffer psychologically for the choice she had to make. It will clearly haunt her and drive her to revere and pay more attention to her heightened intuition.

I’m disappointed that they skipped over Alicent and Otto’s reactions to Aemond returning with news of Luke’s death!! But Alicent’s conversation with Otto in private pretty much sets up the former’s anger, frustration, disappointment and doubts when it comes to Aemond, while the latter (Otto) is more…adaptable to the situation at hand (no pun intended). It is clear Aemond is HURTING greatly from Alicent’s dejection. He’s not used to this new position, having fallen out of grace with her with no sign of an understanding in the horizon. Aemond is rightfully resentful, but I am glad that Aegon and Criston are there for him in the meantime.

Alicent and Criston’s affair works for me, despite of people disagreeing with it. This is Alicent’s channel for venting her frustrations and curbing her passions, whereas Criston allows her to use him out of his warped sense of duty, dedication and mutual love for her(Olivia confirmed Alicent has been holding a torch for Criston since her girlhood). She is basically a bomb and he, her diffuser! This is a sacrilegious alliance that lets them turn the wheels of power from behind the scenes as well where Aegon cannot see them. Where Alicent can’t get to Aegon, Cole can reach out on her behalf with counsel, although with Larys sneaking around you are left to wonder how long their sizzling romance-alliance will remain hidden.

I really don’t care about the North. Not crazy about Cregan’s slow Kit Harrington Jon Snow accent imitation either…but I loved the opening monologue. Duty is sacrifice even at the cost of blood. This seems to be the theme that will set the tone for the season.

Jace surprised me this episode. Loved Harry’s tangible step up in acting chops. Jace seemed the dandy, out of touch prince who Cregan quickly grounds with the biting words of a man that has seen more danger than him. Harry’s emotional delivery as a grieving brother was so well done as well.

Aegon and his pack of jesting friends made my ribs quake with laughter this episode. I hope that humor will not get severely extinguished down the season.

Laena mention was refreshing in the scene between Rhaenys and Daemon. I hope Rhaena’s resentments have something to do with Laena and that we will see her talk this out with a family member soon. I am tired of the Happy Family picture Team Black is given. Where is the fun dysfunction??

Emma’s quiet, grieving performance was excellent. I literally cried BOTH times I watched the scene of Rhaenyra finding Luke’s remains. I really dig this vengeance angle they are pursuing with Rhaenyra.

Alyn and Addam are welcome additions to the story so far as bastardy is concerned. We really don’t see this with the Velaryon-Strong brothers at all, but here we see how Corlys has to be low key with his interactions, how Alyn suppresses his need for approval from his biological dad, how it’s compromising to be seen together etc.

Why is Hugh Hammer being yassified and babygirlified lmao?? I guess they’ll make Ulf the fool, then.

Blood and Cheese delivered complexity in terms of Helaena’s choice…but it flopped a bit at the horror part. I was left wanting more from it, but Phia’s performance was EXCELLENT and Helaena’s dissociative POV as the event happened, so soul-twisting and chilling. The children being made younger (the babies are reportedly 4 in the show canon) makes everything much sadder and disgusting. Alys Rivers can’t haunt Daemon Targaryen enough for what he has done!

Larys politically seducing Aegon the same way he did Alicent years ago…Lord, take me away!!! He and Otto continue to be the delightfully subtle evil, whilst Alicent slowly catches up, navigating her way more strenuously towards her sons to capture and ensure influence over them.

Daemon’s loserism is hilarious. And I did very much enjoy his intimate interactions with Mysaria, whose accent has largely improved!!

I’m repelled by this rubbish logic that Ser Erryk is the most honorable, angelic and saintly Kingsgurad! Again, the concept of ‘honor’ in a story fool of hypocrites, liars and pretenders is funny as hell. This is why I love the Greens more narratively. We don’t have to pretend that they’re the good guys…and that makes them way more badass.

No Daeron mention yet. THIS SHOULD BE THE EPISODE WHERE HE’S MENTIONED, DAMN IT!!

[bitchin-tubs]

Complain time again tee hee but I’m just like UGHHHH talking genuinely to these ppl is SO hardddddd

With girl A, I spent almost a whole class lecture (friendly) debating with this one girl on why people medically diagnosed as psychopaths and sociopaths are not inherently dangerous, are not narcissistic by default and how ‘masking’ is not a form a manipulation. Her source for all of these… You. The Netflix show…

With girl B, I feel like she’s sooooo,,,, dismissive ?? Idk like I tried to introduce her to my friends once and she genuinely did not gaf. Like I said hi B this is C then she says hi to me and me only. Like my girl C is right here. But at the same time she’s always bringing me into her friend groups which is fine but I dont connect easily so most times I’m kinda just there SPECIALLY if it’s an all men group when I have specially told her I tend to be uncomfortable with men for “no” reason

I was having a conversation with girl A and the topic of autism was brought up, I told her that I think I may be low on the spectrum but there are some things I tend to relate to with autism behaviors, and considering opened up to me about her anxiety and how she had previously talked very openly abt diagnosis I thought maybe she’d get it. I know,,, self diagnosis (u are free to feel any type of way abt it) but idk I thought she’d have any type of nuanced comment about it but I should’ve known from the psychopath talk… I had told her that I find meeting new people very hard, I have difficulty talking to said people and I tend to be very restrictive about who I make a meaningful connection to. She said that my personality is and I quote “mamona” (jerk/snob/asshole ish) and completely dismissed my masking, overstimulation, 10 year old special interest, taking shit to literal and not understanding social cues or instructions as “just being different” yeah so I thought… yknow I might not have autism valid but idk I felt so ignored at that moment

Also don’t think I just unpack shit on her unannounced, we talk and convos play out as they usually do and since the topic was out I was like sometimes I wonder if I have it because of so and so plus she was unwinded with me before so it wasn’t impossible for us to talk abt personal stuff, even though we not so tight we are still close

Another thing I’m very bad at making friends, I think I mirror good enough to have nice interactions with people but not to the point they invite me to shit or talk to me outside of classes. Back when I was in my exchange program I was sharing a room with 3 swifties so I had to pretend to like Taylor swift so I wouldn’t feel singled out, I also watched the summer I turned pretty and witnessed these girls thirst over bad boy #2 when I thought the character was so shitty (the actor is good looking but I’m not attracted to him) and also would also unknowingly spend all-nighters on school nights (as in I didn’t know they were meant to be all-nighters) with them watching a movie I didn’t particularly like and see everyone thirsting over annoying man on screen (one of them was some straight outta wattpad step-sibling story ew, the other pride and prejudice IM SORRY YALL I DIDNT GET THE HYPE 😭 call me uncultured it’s okay

A and B are sólo also hardcore swifties and I can only be neutral abt her otherwise they get on my ass about it and saying I like Taylor swift or her music is too big of a lie even for me

I told girl A about this (or at least a bit) and she said that I should’ve just been me. Girl I can’t be me we were both witnessing a girl being actively bullied (tv show ass bullying they printed a picture of her and drew over it ugly, taped it to her dorm room. Still hurtful and bullying tho) I’m NOT about to ostracize myself

HOWEVERRR these are not my main friends, these are like the friends I made to not be lonely in these extra classes for an American 🦅🦅🦅 diploma. My close CLOSE friends are from my same career classes and they are so much more understanding and can interact more naturally with. So in my day to day I got good genuine friends by my side

I recognize that I can be perceiving these memories differently than how they actually happened, misinterpret their actions and just be in my feeling right now but idk I feel like I’m so difficult and constantly just have to comply with people in order to make others comfortable

[fufuheheii]

Playing with Cyno’s Hair HC

CynoxFemale!Reader

Warning: Suggestive, read at own discretion!

Cyno doesn’t understand why you’re always playing with Kaveh’s hair.

Everytime he sees the man he’s either in pigtails or some sort of braid.

Even AlHaitham mistook him for a girl several times from the back.

You never played with his hair, and you two have been friends for years now. 

Sure, it doesn’t make sense you would want to touch his hair, but surely with his hair also being equally long you would want to try his out too?

“I allow you to touch my hair.”

You stop whatever you’re doing to gape at the irritated boy.

Tighnari and Collei who happen to be in the same room also gape at him.

“B-buh-really?” You stammer, the excitement bubbling in your voice. Cyno almost cringes at the sudden change in tone.

Truth to be told, you’ve always wanted to play with Cyno’s hair since the day you first met him. How could anyone not? His hair literally looks like snow…or an old man’s. But that’s not the point! His hair looks sooo soft, and to be kept so tangled under that smelly headpiece of his is absolutely illegal!

While you are murmuring to yourself in excitement, Cyno is already regretting letting you touch his hair. He doesn’t want to walk around in braids or a side ponytail; he’ll risk getting butt-groped by the feeble scribe. He’ll need to make sure you do some sort of normal hairstyle that can be worn around the whole day.

And so, you two find yourselves in your room. 

Cyno crosses his arms with a small tint of pink on his cheeks as he peeks at all your stuff.

Being a Mahamatra gives him access to almost every location, but to someone else’s  bedroom? It’s not something Cyno exploits on.

But wow does your room smell nice- “c-can I get started?”

Cyno snaps out of his thoughts and gives you a short nod with a huff. “Just no pigtails. No hairstyles you gave Kaveh.”

You frown. “You’re limiting me with a few options.”

But you are still excited regardless. Sumeru can now see their beloved tiny creature in his most beautiful form!

Cyno hears you shuffle behind him and stiffen when he sees your soft legs appear on either side, caging him between your legs. “Uh-“

You are now sitting behind him, your body flush against his back making him scream in all octaves internally.

“This position is the most comfortable,” you say very close to his ear, making him inhale sharply as his nostrils flared.

What the heck? What the heck? What the he-

You gently remove his headpiece and squeal at finally seeing the crown of his head. “Oh my gosh I can’t believe I’m doing this. You won’t regret this Cyno!”

Oh he’s definitely not regretting it ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

You pick up your comb and start your first step of picking away at his tangles.

Cyno closes his eyes and leans back against you, enjoying the feeling of your brush against his scalp. This isn’t bad at all. Maybe he should have you brush his hair every morning. He has the time to come to Ghandarvha Ville for some time. Of course, that’s only if you’re willing to. He wouldn’t mind sitting in this position everyday too-

Unaware to him you are slowly leaning to his ear, whispering, “does that feel good Cyno?”

“Yeah,” Cyno twitches a bit at the weird sensation to his ear. Has he always been this sensitive?

“That’s good, I was worried for a bit you might find it uncomfortable,” you continue to say. You move back and continue your combing. Cyno sighs in relief and continues to enjoy whatever you’re doing until the brush disappears and is replaced by your hands.

“Since you’re so adamant for something normal, would you like a ponytail?” You say, lifting his hair up and blushing when you see the beautiful neck. 

Wow, you knew Cyno was always pretty, but this neckline will make even Kaveh gulp.

“Ponytail is fine, I don’t have to wear my headpiece anyways,” Cyno says as he continues to pervertedly look at your legs. 

You both are getting very simpy towards each other.

And so you start to brush his hair into a ponytail. You get very concentrated and your legs start to squeeze Cyno closer against you.

The boy swallows hard when he feels your breath against his now exposed neck. Your fingers keep brushing against his ears, your thighs so close to his face…he needs to resist his dirty mind.

Meanwhile you can’t stop yourself from watching the sweat roll down his neck. Your eyes trail over his back muscles. 

You’ve never noticed how toned he was, you usually take notice of his huge fake ears and just stare at it whenever you’re with him. But now you notice the hot tattoo on his left arm too. His scent is sweet mixed with the scent of the desert, and his sweat gives no hint of any odor. 

Wait, did you just smell him?

“It sure takes a long time to do a ponytail,” Cyno says in a rather playful tone. “You doing good back there?”

You scoff and gently smack his back, screaming internally at how hard it is. “I like to take my time with pretty hair.”

Cyno smiles to himself before clearing his throat. “So whose hair is prettier?”

You raise an eyebrow. “Between?” “Kaveh and me, whose hair is prettier?”

You stifle a laugh. “Well, Kaveh’s hair is definitely shinier that’s for sure.”

Before Cyno can argue (boy why do you even want to argue), you add, “but yours remind me of the snow I see in the books. It’s beautiful.”

And his ears immediately turn red. You flush as well and you two sit there in silence. 

“If you don’t mind,” Cyno breaks the silence. “I’d like to come here every morning to get a brush up.”

“Ooh?” You smirk and joke, “well you’re going to have to pay a fee, my dear Mahamatra.”

“What? My hair isn’t enough for a fee?” Cyno jokes back before chuckling. “Well then, next time you can get between my legs.”

What?

“I’ll make you feel good with my services in return,” Cyno is very unaware of what the hell he is saying. You blush ten folds at what you’re hearing. “You’ll definitely go, ‘oh yeah Cyno, I love it!’”

The door slams open and in charges Tighnari with his bow, making you squeak in shock and Cyno gasps audibly. 

“Hold it right there, you pervert Mahamatra.”

And so the session ends as Tighnari goes into a scolding spree with Cyno on his knees, confused at the sudden situation.

When Tighnari finishes Cyno touches his hair and smiles to himself as he leaves Gandharva Ville. 

He looks forward to coming over tomorrow, and everyday after that.

You sit in your room smiling to yourself.

Yeah, you’ll have to cancel all of Kaveh’s hair appointment with you now.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

This was a request, I’m still trying to figure out how to do all the request tagging things, hopefully anon sees this!

[floatingcatacombs]

GENSHIKEN POWER LEVELS

12 Days of Aniblogging 2023, Day 10

For no particular reason, all the members of the Genshiken have had their abilities translated into specific parameters. It’s pretty obvious that A would be the strongest, but you might be thinking to yourself, “What on earth is all this B+ and C+ nonsense!?” Well, don’t worry, because I’m not going to explain anything here. Just consult the Servant Parameter Rules.

Overall, the ratings represent ‘otaku power expressed as deviance, taking combat potential into account’.

Spotted Flower spoilers follow. (everyone is bisexual now).

Sasahara Kanji: C+, B

Condition: Green

An “average” otaku in nearly all respects, though he has good taste and the ability to distance himself and speak objectively, even when under attack by girls. Can appreciate yaoi in some situations. As a manga editor, of course, his power increases, and his devotion to his waifu is commendable. The Gunpla Quiz gave him the Ball as his favorite mobile suit, and he’s also a Patwaber fan!

Still… Ahhh! Men who get in the way of Yuri are unforgivable!

Kousaka Makoto A-

BAYOEN! BAYOEN! BAYOEN! BAYOEN! BAYOEN!

Extremely high base stats, a very scary offense and near-perfect defense, that pretty-boy face, perfect crossdressing, and the ability to make it all look effortless. Capable of going at it for half an hour while also watching anime! He can pull girls for threesomes whenever he wants! (not Saki though). He’s a master of the Great Tanaka Rensa technique! That kind of power is truly fearsome… However, a kiss on the cheek from Sasahara was super effective.

Harunobu Madarame. C++/--

Sou Uke

A lot of pros, a lot of cons. However, it all balances out to an average C. This guy is the very picture of a normal otaku… or at least, he tries to be. Low base stats, excellent coverage and decent utility, but he suffers from four moveslot syndrome. Capable of entering a gay relationship, and even bottoming, although the circumstances were not particularly praiseworthy. Easily punishable, due to his excessive recovery frames.

…I can’t decide if cheating on his wife on the night she gave birth to their child is something that raises or lowers his power level.

Mitsunori Kugayama C-

Level 27 Ranger

A pretty skilled artist, when he has to be. Usually he doesn’t have to be, so that’s fine. Manages to live a nice normal life without drama, and that counts for a lot – but he’s pretty conflict-averse.

Souichirou Tanaka. B

P-Bandai 1/100 MG Master Grade Ver. Ka

Capable of successfully synthesizing 2d and 3d by sewing cosplay, building gunpla, and even making custom figurines. Tanaka definitely understands the power of care and love. That’s not the kind of power you can take lightly.

The type to mostly just block attacks until he sees an opening.

Kasukabe Saki E

Blood Type: AB

An otaku-sounding name, but a low power level. Not actually very good at conflict, either. Still, she has been to Comiket Comifest! Don’t count her out.

Ohno Kanako D+, B

Wears a Three Star Uniform

Just wants to be a pretty cosplay mannequin with no internality – until Ogiue shows up, and then the gloves come off. You can really tell the devs put a lot of effort into that jiggling, huh. Don’t take her lightly though: she built seven Goufs.

Her victory line, “There’s no such thing as a girl who hates homos!!”, does feel really out of place after a round win against Hato though.

The Genshiken President ???

BLOOD TYPE: BLUE

A mystery to the last.

Angela Burton – C+

“Unlike your chest, mine gives people dreams and desires.”

You’d think that not being able to understand all those doujinshi she’s buying would make her a weak otaku – but in practice not speaking Japanese just makes her really good at dodging attacks. Extremely high attack power. Eventually becomes an enlightened being capable of appreciating both Yaoi and Yuri and, uh, demanding threesomes from her friends. Hm.

Suzanna Hopkins – B+

Pettan Pettan Tsurupettan

Today I’ll sneakily hide in the trees again and keep stalking Ogiue! I'll wait and steal the precious thing!  The little girl who speaks in nothing but references is actually really blushing?! She sticks out her arms when she runs; is she going for the cute look?

This fanservice joke girl (evil spirit begone!) /

born into the nation of America (probably plays puyo puyo)/

was actually, canonically, (Kadabra, Alakazam)/

bisexual??????? (Mada Mada Ra, Mada Mada Ra, Mada Mada Rame, yeah!)/

Manabu Kuchiki – E

Stand Parameter: Development Potential E

The other kind of joke character. Like Sue, he’s a grappler, but he just doesn’t have enough options or ability to adjust to matchups. Gets points for liking traps, but loses them for one-note misogyny; gets  points for kissing Madarame but loses them for being boring. Starts a lot of conflict but easy and uninteresting to deal with; he always goes for the super so you just have to bait it out and then smash attack him.

If that wasn’t enough, I personally hate this guy because if not for him Hato and Madarame totally would have done That!!!!!  

Ogiue Chika D+, A

Genshiken Brigade Chief and Ultra Fujoshi Director

Incredible otaku power – enough to draw doujinshi of people she knows in real life and easily grasp the truth of Kifujin Kaminaga’s “Hato x Brother” madness. She does constantly try to kill herself and deny her heart but once she stops doing that she’s capable of producing incredible amounts of manga. Ends up with a boyfriend and a girlfriend but complains that sexually satisfying them both takes away from her drawing time. She’s bad at dealing with conflict but her pure ‘level of ability as an otaku’ is close to the top of the rankings.

This ranking is curtain fire shooting game.

Girls do their best now and are preparing. Please watch warmly until it is ready.

The border land was wrapped in Scarlet Magic. Girls believe that you solve this Genshiken Nidaime.

Yoshitake Rika C+++

Nen Type: Manipulator (Pseudo-Coercive).

A demon of chaos. Her power as a fujoshi is fairly standard, but she devotes herself wholeheartedly to causing problems and drama – and in this capacity she’s powerful enough to approach Hato. All her moves have random components… in serious play nobody uses her but among casual players she’s often considered broken.

Yoshitake Risa D

Noble Phantasm Rank C

It’s all fictional anyway but girl. what is wrong with you. Fails to appreciate Hato, but does get Hato to wear fetish clothing, so that’s a bonus. The gap between her appearance and her personality is moe.

Mirei Yajima D+, A-

Self-Proclaimed Uncute Girl Doing Uncute Things

Toiling away in the shonen mines, convinced that someday Naruto and Sasuke will kiss for real no you just don’t understand the depths of their relationship. A terrible artist, and she knows it. Grouchy and grumbly and insecure about her gender presentation, especially with Hato around.

But she’s a good writer, and a good editor, and she knows what she wants (Hato) and how to get it. My second favorite character honestly; I really love the way her complexes towards and around Hato play out. “He needs to have sex with a guy so we can draw better manga, which is the only way to make sure he stays with me!” Yajimacchi are you okay? (no she is not. She has way too much internality).

Kenjirou Hato. A++

Super High School Level Homewrecker

What is Hato’s otaku level? Let’s review: Hato is a crossdresser with a foundational crush on his older brother’s EX-level fujoshi girlfriend, going so far as to dress up as her, copy her drawing style well enough to end up with a wall circle spot at Comifest, and blush when she tells him “Hey. I’m getting married to your brother soon. It’d be really hot if you dressed up as me and fucked my husband-to-be, your brother, as revenge on me for taking him away from you.”

Hato has a naked floating tulpa girl of his fujoshi self floating around behind him who does things like make him smell his senpai’s bedsheets and shower in his room, hoping Madarame will walk in on him. Once he's in deep enough with all of this, he gains a second naked floating tulpa girl of his fujoshi self who has the same eyes as his older brother's girlfriend and is Evil. Hato then integrates both of them and keeps crossdressing after a conversation with Ogiue about what he really wants to be and what he wants to draw.

Hato is out of his fucking mind. I love him.

Hato’s conflict potential is also extremely high. Not only was he a judoka (who spent time in the locker room looking at other boys’ bodies and thinking about yaoi) he expertly plays all kinds of “ohhhh you should just give up on me” women games with Madarame’s pure maidenly heart.

And then Spotted Flower happens. Spotted Flower is a moiling toxic sexual swamp of barely-holding-together relationships and threesomes where your good old favorite Genshiken buddies are now bi (Kousaka, Sasahara, Sue, Ogiue, Angela, and Yajima, in addition to original series bisexuals Madarame and Hato) and cheating on each other. Everybody hates Spotted Flower and they’re so wrong.

By the time of Spotted Flower, Hato is living as a woman full time, with silicone implants.

Regrettably, I have no choice but to stan.

[jetwhenitsmidnight]

Skater Boy by Anthony Nerada

Source: Audiobook ARC from NetGalley

Release date: 6 February

Genre: young adult contemporary romance

If you like: queer coming of age, explorations of toxic masculinity, pop-punk, flawed protagonists trying to be better, Sk8ter Boy by Avril Lavigne but gay

Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

Synopsis

Stonebridge High’s resident bad boy, Wesley “Big Mac” Mackenzie, is failing senior year—thanks to his unchecked anger, rowdy friends, and a tendency to ditch his homework for skateboarding and a secret photography obsession. So when his mom drags him to a production of The Nutcracker, Wes isn’t interested at all . . . until he sees Tristan Monroe. Mr. Nutcracker himself.

Wes knows he shouldn’t like Tristan; after all, he’s a ballet dancer, and Wes is as closeted as they come. But when they start spending time together, Wes can’t seem to get Tristan out of his head. Driven by a new sense of purpose, Wes begins to think that—despite every authority figure telling him otherwise—maybe he can change for the better and graduate on time.

As a falling out with his friends becomes inevitable, Wes realizes that being himself means taking a stand—and blowing up the bad-boy reputation he never wanted in the first place.

Content warnings

Explicit language

Bullying

Alcoholism

Underage drinking

Racism (as experienced by a Black love interest)

Past domestic abuse

Childhood trauma

Smoking (cigarettes + weed)

Homophobia

Physical violence

Review

Why'd Wes have to go and make things so complicated 😔🤘

I hadn't expected to, but I found myself relating to Wes quite a bit. His experience of being labelled as a bad kid, and then only being seen as such without being given the chance to break that expectation, as well as his feelings of anger and fear and powerlessness, that no one wants to listen to him, that he can't open up to people, that he's inferior and will never amount to anything, took me right back to primary and secondary school lmao. (I'm so glad I'm not a teenager anymore.)

I also empathise with how awkward Wes feels around Tristan, or when he's trying to talk to people who aren't his friends; not knowing the right thing to say, or when he says something that comes off as angrier or meaner than he intends—that's literally me, baby!

A part I don't relate to is the bullying. Wes is like, a legit bully, like pushing kids into the lockers like in american high school movies kind of bully. While he's not the main aggressor among his friends, it still kind of hurt to read about how he hurt people in the past. I liked how his character arc developed, with him facing up to his actions and apologising to his victims, although I do think he was forgiven pretty easily; I personally would have held a grudge until I died, but good for them!

At the start of the book I was worried that this would be a whole "find a bf and magically all your problems are fixed!" kind of story, but while Tristan is definitely a motivating factor for Wes to improve himself, I really appreciate that Wes was the one who decided to take initiative and begin the first steps to becoming better.

There's layers of complexity to Wes and Tristan's relationship, because (a) Tristan is Black, and so deals with racism that Wes could never understand, (b) Tristan is out and Wes is not, (c) Tristan is a perfectionist and has a goal and life plans, while Wes is flunking high school with no plans to apply for college, (d) Wes had an abusive childhood, and Tristan has loving supportive parents, and (e) Wes is poor and Tristan is wealthy.

These are a lot of issues to handle in one book, and while I feel like the author does a good job discussing and resolving most of these elements, there's one point that I feel didn't get fully resolved, and that's the wealth disparity between them. Wes is super aware of this, he constantly notices the differences between the way they live, which makes him feel self-conscious around Tristan.

Spoiler warning, but at one point Tristan dresses Wes up in like a pricey cardigan and a polo shirt to meet his parents, and later Wes is furious and leaves early because he feels out of place and insecure, and that Tristan is trying to change who he is. Later, they talk and Wes comes to the conclusion that he was over-reacting, which, yeah, he was. But Tristan never apologises and is like "you know I would never have made you change your clothes if I knew it would make you feel bad!" He also makes fun of one of Wes's friends, and Wes wonders if part of the reason why he doesn't want to introduce Tristan to his friends was because he felt embarrassed.

I feel like this is a pretty big deal, and an obvious source of tension, that doesn't seem to get fully resolved. Most of Wes and Tristan's discussions about their relationship revolve around Wes apologising, but Tristan, even though he never does so intentionally, never apologises for making Wes feel inferior in this aspect.

I also feel that Tristan was kind of one-dimensional. From Wes's perspective, Tristan is perfect and flawless, and he puts him on a pedestal, while Wes is the one messing up. Tristan's only flaw, as far is I can tell, is that he struggles with anxiety, but he never seems to show it to Wes, for all that he encourages Wes to be emotionally vulnerable with him. I would have liked it if Tristan messed-up, or needed Wes to support him or comfort him in some way (Wes does support him, at near the ending, but that doesn't really count), to balance out their relationship a bit, instead of always having Tristan encouraging him, and having Wes mess up and make up for it.

The climax of this book gets really chaotic, huge shit goes down, like life-ruining shit. He manages to work it all out in the end, but I feel that it came way too easily, especially the problems he had with his friends. I feel like it got dismissed as some sort of misunderstanding, like Wes was the one making a big deal out of nothing. Afterwards, he and his friends talk it out very maturely, but where was all that maturity when shit was going down!!

I realise that a lot of my review sounds like I'm complaining, but this is really worth a read! The way this book discusses toxic masculinity, emotional vulnerability, dealing with trauma (because Wes is very clearly traumatised) is so well-done, and you can tell from the author's note that he put a lot of love and thought into this book. I would discuss this more but this review would get very spoilery.

To finish off this review, here are some nitpicks! These are minor details and do not affect the overall story! Some of these are purely personal issues I have that may not apply to other people!

Wes is stated to be a punk, and a lot of this book (the title, the chapter titles, the marketing) is about pop-punk, or scene music in general. But Wes doesn't seem to listen to pop-punk? The only band he mentions listening to is Metallica, which, last I checked, is a metal band. He wears a Linkin Park t-shirt once (huge slay) and mentions the My Chemical Romance reunion (double slay), but that's about it. He seems to be more of a metalhead tbh, which there's nothing wrong with, but I was hoping for more pop-punk references. (This sounds greedy, since almost every chapter title is a pop-punk reference, and I did appreciate that, but I wanted more!!)

I didn't vibe with the audiobook narrator. I'm kind of (very) picky about audiobooks, so the fact that I didn't dnf shows that he did a decent job at least, but I feel like he missed the mark on narrating the dialogue. Sometimes I couldn't tell the difference between Wes's internal narration and when he was actually speaking which was confusing, and the narrator also read everything in this sad, hesitant sort of voice, which works for the overall vibe of the story, but makes the happy, lighthearted moments in the book feel sad as well.

Minor spoiler, Wes's mom got him and his friends tickets to see Metallica, but later they start growing apart and the concert is never mentioned again (unless I somehow missed it?), so its unclear if they did go to the Metallica concert. I need to know if they went, because if they skipped out on it due to their beef, I will be very sad on their behalf.

[straycalamities]

Your post made me curious about Julien.... Would love to hear about him and Andrews relationship

hmm...the conundrum with that is i would like to show it one day so how much to tell...

the thing abt this is julian has ALWAYS been written in andrews life. one of the constants of his story no matter how much he changes. (he used to be named Matty) but ive uh...been a chicken to properly show it because uh its HEAVY.

so hm...i've gone over andrew's family life before so it's not meh to go over it again i think...

that's also mostly stayed the same.

readmore bc...ya boys gonna get long-winded

so andrew has a very strict mother with very high expectations of her children, but especially him. his father is more lax and easy-going, pretty carefree tbh, but bc of this its to a fault where he also just..doesnt want to confront his wife. so things kinda..go out of control in the household as far as...his mom's weird like..competition thing between andrew and his sister

so andrew has a twin sister Alana (anyone remember Jackie? yea) and she's pretty naturally good at whatever she puts her mind to. not that she doesnt bust her ass, but things just? come to her. it's just how it is. and she's very much a daddy's girl which pushes andrew into the role of momma's boy. so then it becomes andrew's dad and alana vs andrew's mom and andrew. except. it's pretty much only andrew's mom pushing this narrative, but she's a very convincing person and is the kinda person to naturally command a room

alana is also a naturally curious person so she likes to pick up hobbies and things and practice them until she's over it or good at it or both. and thus..andrew gets pushed into these things too, to not be outdone

the thing about andrew, though, is that he's got a more particular way that he needs to engage with things to actually pick things up and learn them. first of all, he's a very kinetic learner so just reading or hearing a lecture about it doesn't do anything for him. and unfortunately he doesn't have anyone in his life early on (teachers nor family) who understand this about him. they just think there's something wrong with him or off about him or that he's lazy/doesn't care.

but andrew cares. oh he cares. way too much. and he works. so hard. to try to match with the expectations weighing on him, but it just! doesn't happen! no matter how hard he tries! he can't absorb what he's reading! he can't process what he's hearing! when he DOES get the chance to just get his hands on things and figure things out, he shines

and alana tries to help because despite it all, she cares a lot about him. she tries to show him things or tell him what helped her, but it's just..different. the things that work for her, dont't work for him. and she also can't be with him a lot because she has a lot going on. she has big aspirations and she has lots of friends (more things he struggles with) how did they end up so different u_u

so andrew's daily life is very very stressful. he feels like he's always under watch, under scrutiny, every little thing is being judged, weighed, and measured. and that just makes everything much harder for him. he eventually learns over-time to perform great under pressure but that's because the pressure in his adult-life is nothing like the pressure of his childhood lmao

(and if this is a universe where he's got the necromancy thing goin on, there's THAT whole can of worms too. bc of how looked down on and oo scary necromancy is)

so its like..andrew does have his aspirations, his dreams. he wants to be an astronaut! :) and he maintains some semblance of that goal his whole life. he just likes space! he thinks its neat and would rather just spend all day learning about space than anything he's supposed to be learning. not that it's easier, but he's more motivated lmao

he's a C or low B student (idk how to translate american schooling marks into anything else sorry..american moment) and so he's not doing...too bad, but definitely not enough to his teachers or his parents. and he's "inconsistent" bc go figure sometimes lessons are more to his learning capabilities and he excels so oh no now ppl have Proof He Can Do It why cant he do it All The Time. fantastic.

being so focused on making everyone proud or proving everyone wrong in other cases (yes andrew does operate on a level of spite) has andrew finding little time for himself. especially bc his moms the type to not like uhh idle activities. everythings gotta have a Point of Growth. literally the only reprieve is that his mom works away from home a lot, but she'll definitely call or video-call often to make up for that fact. and andrew's The One she has her eye on. he's Her responsibility to better

(the thing about his mom is god she's a strict hard-ass but she does love him uh...so i'm not trying to make it all Ooo Evil Heartless Mother Time. nah she cares but boy is she awful at showing it. and that's not an excuse but..yaknow. it is how it is. her whole thing abt being such a tyrant is that she's worried about him and wants him to do better and Be better and so she's gonna force it down his throat til it takes ...rip)

ofc his family all has their bonding pleasant moments its not all hell all the time and like i said his dad and sister are more uh..better at showing they care but still not..amazing. the whole household like i said before in another post is more reserved than like..ji-hoon's for example who freely give hugs and stuff

anyways so alll of this uh..stuff is to explain: Andrew Doesn't Have Friends LMAO his entire elementary school experience is spent not having time for friends and eventually just not knowing how to Make them bc he had no practice or experience doing so. and the other kids don't think much about him because he doesn't make time for them? they've got other ppl to hang out with. and when a kid does make an attempt he fucks it up somehow or his mom scares them off with the Restrictions for how andrew is allowed to interact with other kids (if andrew wouldnt tell them tho they wouldnt have to know..smh)

by the time he's transitioning to middle school is when he meets julian. julian ALSO does not have friends (gee wonder why (youll see why)) and julian sees andrew not having friends either and thinks well! time to have this loner be MY friend. and julian is a pretty charismatic person when he wants to be. he knows how to small talk and keep conversations going and all that. i say this like a tween julian already has evil intentions but tbh..nah it DOES honestly start off innocent enough. julian has a lot going on at home too and wants someone to be his friend. simple as that. andrew doesnt already have a group, so..easy choice there. should be

the stuff that usually scares ppl away doesnt work on julian because he's a very anti-rules disobedient sort at this point already anyways. he just sees it as a challenge really so even if andrew makes things awkward by parroting his moms rules on how he can interact with other kids based on her paranoias about the typical Child and what they could teach Her Precious Baby it doesnt phase him. he gonna do it anyway

they do have interests in common, turns out! they like some of the same music. some of the same shows/movies. and things like that. the rest of it Becomes shared interests bc julians the type to go "hey i like this. now you will too" and for the most part? their shared tastes go a long way and andrew DOES end up liking most things julian introduces him to

at first julian does kinda..have no choice but to follow the Hard Rules that andrews got for hanging out so..they pretty much only see each other at school, they start picking up writing letters for each other to read only when they get home so they can write a reply and they get kinda lengthy as more topics get added lol

but eventually julian starts convincing andrew to like..shake things up a bit. asks where he lives. turns up at his window. just to chaaat ofc. theyre not gonna get in trouble psh.. its just talking. then it becomes andrew calling julian at home even tho he's not allowed to be on the phone, but if he does it at night then nobody can catch him (or if his moms away bc tbh does his dad rly care..? but andrew assumes he does)

and so julian and andrew get steadily closer and closer that way and andrew is. ecstatic. his first friend! and a really close one! they're best friends! and for julians credit, he's still just thinking "yay i have a friend. someone that makes life suck less :) even if he's a dweeb who i need to teach to live life"

and okay well anything further about them needs content warnings: very unhealthy, toxic relationship talk. manipulation

so unfortunately. julian has a very uhh extreme view on his life. he likes to exaggerate everything (usually for the worst) and jus tlike in general. not just describing it, he actually feels like his life is the worst life anyone could ever have. his parents split up when he was young and now he's being raised by his grandma who is also strict but in a way where its like..shes strict on him but lives kinda like..whatever, herself. shes very do as i say not as i do but julian hangs onto the Example she's putting off and hates her guts for having the Audacity to try to make him do different when she cant even do it herself. he also has an uncle who has his fingers in a lot of very shady pots and so julian is keen to things he rly shouldnt be at a young age

so with all that, he has a tendency to kinda lash out at the world around him. thats sorta his...uh version of coping. and with so many ppl putting him at arms length mostly because of THIS part of his behavior especially, he's only got one person at his side. loyal. always there for him.

unfortunately thats andrew

and it starts small like..playful insults. nothing rly anything at first it could just be the way he shows affection. but then the insults hit parts that sting deeper and deeper. and get more and more personal. and julian starts making almost memes? of some of andrews faults, weaknesses, and insecurities as if that's just one of their Inside Jokes they have, yknow, as best pals. so andrew feels like oh well i have to like this bc its Special and its just for me. i should appreciate that he's doing this. nobody else has this. and he's not being Mean he's just being playful

and unfortunately the more andrew lets him get away with it, the worse julian gets about it. the thing is that nobody's taught andrew self-worth yet. he's been too busy trying to be what other people want him to be. so here he is, also being what julian wants him to be: a punching bag. but he doesnt realize thats what it is. he just thinks julian wants andrew to be the type to be "playfully rude" with but, again, im saying julian goes way past that

and as julian gets older, the more he reserves what used to be how he was with everyone, being him, being genuine in all the worst and best ways, with only andrew. so everyone else gets this very like..agreeable neutral kinda personality out of julian. so then andrew also sees THAT and thinks wow..i really am special

and as years go by and they go from middle school to high school and social situations change around them, andrew feels even more lucky he's gotten somebody special to him and that he's special to because by highschool it feels like everyones already got their cliques and their partners-in-crime and he'd feel like a mega loser without julian. and julians shown him and taught him so many cool things that give him things to actually talk about with other ppl when they Engage with him?

but yeah throughout highschool julian teaches andrew more and more rulebreaking habits. they even set up ways to make money at school w stuff like..selling test answers or snacks or stuff when they can get away with it. or skipping classes or other things. vandalizing things. pranking ppl (harmless :) ofc..but maybe only physically so)

so we return to julian's uncle. liek i said he's a shady dude. well. he starts involving an older julian in his shady shit. so now julian and andrew are peddling fkn weed and prescription drugs around their school and neighborhood. eventually they're hotwiring vehicles to steal. (kinda uhh tragically this is actually where andrew figures out he's pretty good at cars and likes them a lot and even if he's having a constant crisis about Being Awful, he's also uhhh more motivated to learn how to do a new thing and Be Good At It. bc that's the thing isnt it? he's finally Good At Something) and stealing other things too

and i kinda quickened the pace here but its like..well it does escalate pretty quickly because at some point julian has andrew wrapped around his little finger and tho there are the times one or both of them get caught and andrew gets in trouble, has a crisis, and swears off doing anything like that ever again!! julian just has to warm andrew up to it again. because by highschool julian also has the upper hand in that he's become andrew's gay awakening. so now andrew has a huge crush on him and especially wants to impress him and keep him around and notice him and find him cool and worthwhile

and at first julian is sorta confused?? but diversity win! the manipulative toxic asshole best friend is also into boys! but giving andrew everything he wants wouldnt be very fun would it? he has something to dangle over his head. and he's gotten to the point where this is high risk shit. andrew could very much change his mind about everything about them and leave julian and the longer time goes on, the more paranoid julian becomes of this very thing happening. so he holds onto whatever leashes he can get twisted around andrew

he'll entertain his attraction but never clarifies anything. never gives him like..bold affection. never makes it clear how he feels or if he's even completely fine with it? which adds pressure onto andrew that he's just making all this up. or he's being the weirdo, pushing something on julian who might be straight or something

outside of julian tho, andrew's family is noticing his behavior bc i mean..also hes obviously getting caught doing some of this stuff. and his grades are even worse. and sometimes they get calls abt him missing school? and they try to intervene bc like..andrews got One friend. its gotta be this guy. so they try to ground andrew, ban julian, all kinds of stuff but they're slippery and they've got all sorts of workarounds. and ultimately, they still go to the same school. and..sadly. this, at first, just makes andrew desperate to keep julian all the more bc now he's beome this like..symbol of freedom and having Fun and living life to the fullest and anything related to home starts being associated with prison, suffocation, snuffing out his personality and everything he's learned about himself and like..even if he doesnt rly has Friends outside of julian (he's convinced julian is the only friend he rly wants/needs) he's still seen as cool! the Bad Boy, the Hookup for cool shit (snacks, drugs etc) he's a hit sometimes with the Le Popular Kids ooo... and he might even get invited to get-togethers with julian (julian is actually the introvert to andrews extravert but he Humors ppl for the image and he likes the way andrew always looks at him like a lost puppy when he's trying to figure out what to say in convos with other ppl)

but overtime, julians just gotten too comfortable with being too rough with andrews mentality and his emotions. bc he's never stopped his absolute drilling into andrews squishy parts in order to make himself feel better. or somehow blaming andrew for everything, even julians own shortcomings. and playing hot n cold with andrews emotions and etc. like there's just a lot he does that keeps andrew eternally unsure of where he's standing with julian or if he's doing things Correct or in a way that makes julian Happy. and as andrew gets older and starts Understanding things, he starts Understanding that hey...there's actually a lot about this that he doesnt like. he starts trying to...ask julian to lighten up. to consider his feelings on things. that he wants to do..things he wants to do? why do they always do things julian wants to do. why do they always get into what julian likes but never what andrew likes.

julian is...surprised and he does not Like this change. doesnt like that andrew is trying to cause problems? in their relationship? like why make this a thing? when its nothing? it was fine before? but the thing about letting andrew meet ppl, gain reasons for ppl to wanna talk to him and know him is that he gets to know how other ppl are and how they feel abt him. and though he hasnt made any other Friends, he's just learning how..Normal ppl are. and how julian with him is Not Normal. and its in a bad way bc andrew feels bad! he feels sick to his stomach sometimes. and nobody gets to him like julian does! and he thought before it was the crush but now he's starting to realize...he doesnt actually feel that way about julian anymore because he's just gotten so...Cruel

well now when andrew gets grounded/banned from julian, he doesn't fight it. he doesn't find the loopholes anymore. he lets things go and just kinda...tries to see how he feels? and he finds he...feels better. there's ways he feels worse, but there's a lot more ways he feels like he can breathe. like he's a person. and he likes it so...he starts to just ween himself off julian. and julian starts to act up more bc he doesnt have his usual ways to Cope and gets in trouble more, being at school Less and that just causes more distance

and julian is finally living with what he was most terrified of. and andrew is willingly? throwing him away? and he cant have that. he's at his wits end and panicking

new content warning: whew boy suicide mention/suicide-baiting

and thats all i rly have to say aint it

he holds the fact over his head that if andrew actually does officially cut ties with him, julian will kill himself. that he has no reason to live if he doesn't have andrew. that andrew is his everything and the light of his life, his joy, all that. and he cant't just? leave him like this?

and at first andrews like wait no this is awful dont do that..im sorry and like..tentatively keeps his ties to julian, tries to continue things the wya they were! just uh..different! bc if julian wants andrew to stay then..compromises have to happen okay? and julian says he agrees but catch things getting worse again and andrew in the same boat he was before

distancing

julian freaking out in a panic at 2am on a phone call describing what he's about to do til andrew apologizes again

rinse

repeat

but andrew eventually is just...tired. man. he's getting closer to graduating. he really does NOT need this. it's taking such a heavy toll on him bc rly! nothing else terrible in his life ever really went away, this is just an addition. it's not that his mom saw him acting out and thought oh...this is bc im too hard on him, nah, she stays hard. she gets Harder. his moms stern and affectionless and doesnt understand his plights, his sisters always so busy with her life, and his dad is out of touch. and mostly: andrew doesnt want to bother anyone with his problems. its his own fault, after all. its his mess. and he also is terrified of what anyone would think of even..half the things he'd have to admit to get them to understand. or even a fourth tbh

so one day he just..has had enough. julian threatens to tell his parents what he's done, what he's really like even if it brings julian down too. julian plans to be dead anyways after so what does it matter

and andrew just tells him to do it and hangs up

he feels sick to his stomach for days, but also is too fed up to call and apologize or take it back. he flip-flops on both so much he ends up doing nothing at all

and this is where julian is officially out of his life. i call it Schrodinger's Julian at this point bc did he? or didnt he? well what is the truth is he just does not show up again. so andrew is free but..he literally does not know at what cost. and the guilt eats him up alive for the rest of his life as well as all the damage literally going from like 12-13 to 18 with what this shit did to him

(cw: suicide stuff over)

this is where some of the stories diverge? umm..he either goes immediately to college or waits. with the college timeline Also diverging to oh he makes it somehow or oh he has to drop out

my default tho is that he does try, but he has to drop out. and makes an absolute mess of himself while he's trying. college parties and nightlife and everything else. sex drugs and rock n roll pretty much. everything he knows about connecting to other people is completely Fucked and so he thinks he's making connections but it's not real. and nothing feels like it did with julian but that should be a good thing? or should it. he misses the old julian and he misses the good parts and he feels like he'll never have that with someone again or that maybe...if he did...they'd do the same thing. maybe its dangerous to be that close to anyone. but oh he wants it. so bad.

and we'll continue with my usual story but uh (cw: drugs/drug-use)

we have to delve a bit into the fact he becomes an addict. because he very much does. with all the escapism he does in college because he's just trucking along without processing a drop of this? no therapy? not even someone to vent to or hold onto? nah man. shits rough. and he loses himself in many kinds of drugs but heroin is his Drug of Choice and also loses himself in other people but in shallow ways. he becomes a party animal but in the worst way and that becomes his "college" is just this whole social scene that he's not even engaging with in a meaningful way bc he's too terrified of earnest closeness with another human being

meanwhile his grades tank and he just...stops going. needless to say he becomes very much a disaster of a human being at the end of this. the thing is tho..its all self-internalized. he doesnt take it out on other ppl or even want to make it other ppls problems. he tries to just come off as this rly fun guy whos up for literally anything. and like yeah ppl who hang w him enough can definitely See Somethings Up but he's literally just like oh its nothing! its fine im fine! bc no if he opens up about anything everyones gonna hate and abandon him

and unfortunately this gets back to his mom and she uh...cuts him off. completely. if he wont get cleaned up. if he wont just...BE better jst DONT be this trainwreck of a son or else. dont associate with her. thinking maybe itd be a shock enough he'd just Get Better? (lmao) but lmao no. and he rly spirals bad after that but luckily his dad and his sister still sneak contact with him, doing what they can? with someone who doesnt wanna make anything anyone elses' problem and insists he's fine everythings. Fine.

what Does finally have him like?? find hope again? and cling to it and start to eventually put his life back on its feet again depends on the story im writing but something eventually always does and he always has the same Sponsor to help him :'3 darius...(his old roommate from when he was a teacher at thornville..remember that guy? yea rewrote him into here in a different way) and idk..things do look up for andrew! it's just...a very much uphill battle and that's kinda usually where i place him in like Current Events in whatever sceneario/story im thinking of is after he's gotten on his feet (shakily but he's there) and he's usually a mechanic (sometimes moonlights as a necromancer for hire as well) and he's Working himself up to trying college again but hes taking his time. and he's got some sort of support circle (darius, ji-hoon, and sometimes others)

ji-hoon he actually meets as one of his roommates in college and it takes a lot of Effort from ji-hoon but he sees andrew struggling and kinda nags his way into his life to help and is usually one of the reasons andrew gets inspired to get better bc ji-hoon is literally everything julian wasnt but like in a good way. he cares, unconditionally about ppl in general but especially andrew because idk they just Click right. and like i said in another post, ji-hoon's family basically adopts andrew as well and they're so affectionate and loving and give lots of affirmations and stuff and andrew probably cries bc he's never felt that much love tbh and then feels like shit abt it bc crying is dumb, but then everyone else cries too (happy tears) and its like oh

idk this is where i start having lot sof tangential thoughts so ill leave it here but uh! yeah! so that's the story of julian and andrew! and the damage it did! and yes! this is true in every iteration of andrew ive ever written! (the julian and childhood family stuff part, not necessarily all the rest that comes after, a lot of that's new)

[wantonlywindswept]

Good Dad Paz pt 4

one | two | three

wherein good dad paz has some bad dad trauma to work through, and dumb dad din tries to play devil’s advocate against himself

hoping the backstory comes through in a way that makes sense? feel free to lmk if not.

adding ‘vod’ (sibling, comrade) to the untranslated mando’a list b/c i needed ‘brother’ for other things. may or may not go back to change previous versions

---

Of the many issues Paz knew Din had, he'd never expected self-worth to be one of them.

In retrospect, he probably should have.

"My original task was to bring Grogu to his people," Din said, after sitting back by the fire and recounting his journeys since the massacre on Nevarro. They'd never had a chance to talk about it on Glavis; Paz had been too bitter to try. "I knew that I couldn't keep him. It was...easier, to remain unattached."

Paz looked down at the child. Grogu was leaning against apparently-not-his-father's thigh, cooing contentedly, little hands still wrapped around the now empty cup. Din's hand rested atop his head in a seemingly unconscious gesture, thumb absently smoothing down one ridiculously long ear.

Paz was pretty sure Din became attached to that kid within less than an hour of meeting him.

"You are no longer unattached," he pointed out, "And the Jedi are no longer his people. We are."

Din inhaled a sharp breath, stilling. 

Had he truly not considered that?

Paz studied him for a few more moments, taking in his protective posture, his hunched shoulders. The way he occasionally looked down at Grogu like he still wasn't sure why the kid was there; like he thought that at any moment, the child might change his mind and leave.

Ah. 

This, Paz understood.

"You think you would make a bad father," he concluded.

Din tensed, but didn't reply. Paz tilted his head in understanding.

After all, he knew the feeling.

Paz leaned back against the wall, tapping his fingers idly against one of his cuisses. A slow beat, calming: one of the old remembrance songs turned into a simple rhythm.

"We," he said, "Are not kind men."

Din did not object. Paz didn't expect him to.

"You have hunted bounties with no thought given to if they deserve it. I have killed beings whose only crime was wandering too near the covert. We chose to follow a Creed that put our people over all else. This is the Way."

"This is the Way," Din murmured. The words sounded flat on his tongue, hesitant, as if wondering if he had the right to speak them.

"We chose to be Mandalorian. And every day, Ragnar continues to choose to be my child. Every day, I am humbled by his choice. No matter what I think of myself or who I may be, he is the one who decided that I am a father worthy of him."

"Grogu is too young to choose," Din said flatly. 

Paz snorted. 

"To swear the Creed, maybe. But if he could choose between staying with the Jedi or being with you, he can choose to become your son. It sounds like he already has."

"He doesn't have to be," Din argued. "We are all raised together; he could be part of the covert without tying himself to me. I don't need to be his father."

Din had a very punchable face. Paz forgot that, sometimes. But he'd already taken off his gloves, and he wasn't in the mood to break his knuckles against that empty beskar skull.

The two of them tended to solve most of their disagreements with their fists: they were, after all, Mandalorian, and shouting matches were harder with broken ribs. It had been that way since they were children, squabbling over who got the last slice of uj'alayi, or who did better in training. The fights got longer and more bitter as they got older, but there was always a sense of catharsis afterward, no matter who won.

It was, frankly, better than the alternative.

Paz studied his vod, his friend, and remembered a shellshocked young face beneath a mop of brown curls. He remembered a quiet boy learning the Way and never once questioning his place in the covert--even when perhaps he should have.

"I never thought," Paz said slowly, deliberately, "That you would be so cruel to deny a child a Clan, as you were."

He'd heard Din make less agonized sounds from being stabbed. 

"No," Din choked out. His grip tightened on Grogu, enough to make the little one squeak in concern. "No, that's not what-- I would never--"

"You treat him as your own," Paz continued ruthlessly. "You have fought and bled for him, cared for him when no one else did. You broke the Creed to put his safety above all else. Are those not the actions of a parent?"

"But--"

Paz stood, frustration and real fury caught behind his teeth as he glared down at his stupid, ignorant almost-brother.

Din always knew best how to make him angry.

"He left safety with the Jedi and crossed the galaxy to return to you, and you would sit here and deny him a place at your side?" he demanded. "Would you have him also follow after you on his knees, hoping for a family that he will never be granted?"

"Paz--"

Paz wouldn't do this again. He wouldn't stand by and watch as another child was crushed by disappointment, strung along with promises of belonging to a Clan: pushing themselves to their limits to prove their worthiness, only to fail, because there was never the possibility of winning in the first place. Because love couldn't--shouldn't--be earned, and family wasn't something that should be used as a reward.

He wouldn't allow it. Not now, not when he actually had the ability to prevent it, now that he wasn't a fucking coward--

"Maybe," Paz snarled, "You really should have been a Vizsla."

Din's fist collided with his face. 

He hadn't removed his gloves.

Copper blossomed across Paz's tongue as his head snapped to the side. He immediately retaliated, kicking Din savagely in the gut just below his beskar. Din stumbled back with a gasping wheeze, and while Paz didn't delude himself about his normal chances against him--Din won their bouts seventy percent of the time--he, unlike apparently Din himself, was aware that one of them was still injured.

Grogu scurried over to Din, who was doubled over in pain. The child fixed Paz with what was unmistakably a glare, one tiny green hand resting on the top of Din's boot.

The accusatory expression on such a young face chased the rage from Paz's throat. He sighed, shoulders slumping, fists loosening into open hands.

He really did prefer fights where they could just hit each other. Those always hurt less.

"Din," he said, "That kid is already your son. So what kind of father are you going to be?"