#i can touch my toes!! 😭

[nobodybetterlookatme]

Okay I have no idea what the hell I did, but my back hasn't hurt at all the entire day. Like straight up no pain at all no matter how I move. The pain has been nonstop for two years straight and now there's nothing and I'm 😭😭 like what the hell did I do so I can keep doing that exact thing forever lmao I worked the entire day completely pain free, like running around and bending down and lifting stuff, not even a slight tug of pain. Genuinely wtf is happening lmao I doubt it'll last but I'm so happy rn

[chiistarri]

i would like to be tall enough so that my feet actually touch the floor when i sit on this stool

[tunacocina]

i am so not flexible its embarrassing for me... not able to touch my toes. not able to do anything close to a split. i can curl up into a ball..i can curl up into a ball and roll around on the ground. i can do that

[haterbitch]

my toe partially dislocated (subluxation) today and like whatever i’m used to subluxations but it’s just rarely ever my toes it’s always my hips or knees or wrists or elbows, and it’s my freaking pinky toe, and i finally was standing up and took a look at it while standing and its at a fucking 45 DEGREE ANGLE from its usual place bro i hate it here go back to where you’re supposed to be bro 😭

[inkdrinkerworld]

Spencer and sunshine!reader have to go undercover as a couple at like a bar or something to catch an unsub!!!! The team would be like “make it believable!”…but they’re literally not pretending. Just acting how they usually would with more ‘free-spirited’ hands. 😭

“Just make it believable okay?” Was the only instruction Emily had given you both. 

You’re currently in a bar with Spencer, a strawberry vodka in your hands as he sips on a coke. 

“Spencer, are you scared to put your hands on me?” you ask when your shoes brush the toes of his, trying to get Spencer to hold onto you as you scan behind him for the unsub. 

“You know that I’m not,” he only steps a little closer, his hand falling to the middle of your back. 

You don’t say anything for a moment, trying hard to find the man you and Spencer were sent to ensnare. 

The unsub you’re trying to catch has a thing for voyeurism that turns into him wanting to insert himself in a couple’s dealings which had a funny way of turning into a very sex and murder type of party. 

The minute your eyes lock with his, Spencer’s hand falls into the back pocket of your skin tight jeans. Even through the thick denim you can feel the warmth of his palm. 

“Too much?” he licks his lips as you shake your head, eyes still locked on the unsub. “Do you see him?” you nod again and Spencer smiles. 

“He’s near the restrooms, blue polo and khaki pants.” you whisper the information hoping that Emily hears you. There’s a bit of static then her affirmative and you nod.

“Look up at me,” Your heart races when you look up and find Spencer’s eyes darker than usual. He leans down, nose brushing yours and you’re only vaguely embarrassed by the surprised squeak that left your lips the moment Spencer’s hand groped your bum. 

“Spencer,” you gasp, lips brushing his. You can feel your heart in your throat. All you can smell is him. That godforsaken cherry and spiced chocolate cologne that he wears filling your head.

“Sweetheart,” he murmurs, eyes leaving yours for a brief moment. “Is he coming this way?” 

Who is Spencer talking about? 

“Blue polo,” he reminds you, it takes a moment for your eyes to land on the moving man but when they do you nod. “Good, kiss the corner of my mouth.” 

You find your voice then, “Are you usually this bossy?” Spencer smirks but instead of an answer he just taps beneath your chin forcing you to tilt it further up. 

“Would you prefer it if I do it?” Spencer Reid is on his own private mission to end you, you’re sure of it. 

“Yeah,” when you tell Penelope of what happens later on tonight, you’ll be sure to leave out how breathless you were when you agreed. 

The kiss is chaste and sweet, a quick little nip. It gives the unsub enough time to reach you both and try to put his hands on you before Spencer is pulling out his badge and you’re attaching handcuffs onto his wrists. 

“FBI, we’d like to ask you some questions.” 

You can’t look anyone in the eye when you walk back into the precinct, flushed and flustered and fighting the urge to touch the corner of your lips where Spencer’s had been.

[bobateababe]

꧁꧁perv satoru x bimbo reader꧂꧂

perv satoru who purposely buys you thick drinks, like milkshakes with straws so he can see your pretty, glossy lips linger on the straw for some time as you moan in delight because of the flavor.

perv satoru who buys you cute short pink skirts for you to wear so he can shamelessly watch as your ass sway and jiggle when you walk around.

perv satoru who always snatches whatever's in your hands and holds it high above his head so he can watch with amusement as your tits bounce and sway as your jump up to grasp whatever is in his hand.

perv satoru who loves going shopping with you and makes you hold a bunch of stuff so when you drop something he gets a free show of your cute skirt riding up to your ass and your plump pussy which is barley restrained by your tight panties.

perv satoru who loves your perfectly painted toes. He always buys the best sandals for you so he can see them on display.

perv satoru who loves to fondle your tits in the middle of the store at the most random times. He uses the most pathetic excuses your dumb little brain would believe.

"t-toru! m-my tits! hey!"

"relax princess, your boobs were spilling out in that 'lil tight top...i'm just putting them in place yeah? Wouldn't want 'yer sweet tits swaying out for everyone hm?"

perv satoru who knows that your not completely stupid and knows that your purposely wear tight, revealing tops because you love being watched by him.

perv satoru who pulls you onto his lap during a scary movie, whispering in your ear about how he'll always keep you safe, and that those stupid serial killers wouldn't dare touch his perfect princess.

perv satoru who pulls you onto his lap during a scary movie because he loves the way you squirm against his cock during a suspense scene. He knows that you feel his raging boner pressing against your soft ass. He sees the little smirk you have when you rub up against him more and more times throughout the movie.

Perv satoru who jerks off alone in his room after a day out with you. He thinks about your glossy lips and your soft ass swaying and jiggling so innocently. His milky cum spurts out intensely, shooting all over his hands and his chest and he continues to milk his cock by just the mere thought of you.

bimbo reader who knows exactly what she's doing and placed a camera in Satoru's room so she can finger her tight, cute pussy as she watches her needy 'toru milk his sweet cock.

this is by far the most lewd thing I've ever wrote im ngl, but I hope ya'll enjoyed it just as much as my kitty did.

😭

[heesimp]

https://youtube.com/shorts/-aU455EC9QI?si=wrPfARb8dHR9wrDY

I JUST SAW THIS AND I'M GOING CRAZY???pls can we get a short drabble on this cuz I need jay deep in my guts😭

jay you are the only man to have ever

-

You really should go home. It’s late, well past midnight, and the man beside you is someone who’s given you three mind blowing orgasms already. You’re starting to feel like you might be taking up too much of his space and time.

“Stay the night,” he whispers as he kisses up the skin of your neck, his wet lips leaving a trail of spit. Not that you mind.

“It’s so late, Jay,” you argue, even though your body starts to fold and cave into his touch.

You’re both naked underneath his expensive silk bedsheets that are no doubt wet and soiled from both of you. His toned chest keeps you pressed against his mattress and your breasts squish on his warm skin that makes your body feel like electricity is constantly running from your head to your toes.

Your legs are spread before him as he’d just finished coming deep within you. His soft cock rests against your messy pussy but you can feel him inadvertently pushing up against you every time he maneuvers to kiss your jawline and neck. You can’t help but subtly roll your hips beneath him too.

“I won’t let you go home,” he whispers into your ear before licking your earlobe. “Your pussy’s too good to quit.”

You don’t want to go home. Not really. But one night stands aren’t your thing and you don’t know if Jay expects you to act like you two didn’t have sex when you inevitably leave. The gears work in your head now that you’ve came so many times and have gotten some of that sexual frustration out of your system.

Remnants of the night come back to you all at once. Jay is someone you met a few hours prior at a stuffy housewarming party. He knocked into you by accident and apologized by replacing the drink in your hand with another flute of champagne because the two of to agreed that the party was nothing more than wealthy people showing off their wealth. You were just a plus one. Jay was invited by the host. How you two ended up agreeing is beyond you.

He took you home an hour later and kept you wet on the entire drive home before stripping you of your dress, heels, and panties on his king sized bed. His home is luxurious and his bedroom alone makes you feel like you’re some sort of royalty for the night. Jay’s expert tongue and fingers made you push over the brink simultaneously while his cock had given you another two orgasms before he eventually came inside of you too. Memories of Jay pushing your head back against the wall as he fucked your mouth gets you slicked up again.

Jay sees the gears turning inside of you like clockwork and pushes his body up to kiss your lips like a passionate lover. His semi hard cock ruts against your bare pussy and the squelching of your mixed cum is like music to his ears. The sensation of grinding is too good for you to pass up but you think you like hearing Jay asking you to stay the night.

“I’ll cook you breakfast,” he says against your lips before moving back down to the other side of your neck. “You deserve a reward after letting me fuck you how I like.”

“I might need a little more convincing…”

Your hips grinding back against Jay has him smirking against your neck, nipping at the skin. “You get to cum as many times as you want until I fall asleep. I’ll make sure of that.”

“Oh yeah?”

Jay pushes himself off of your body with his cock still resting against your folds. He puts both palms on the mattress beside your head and flexes his biceps to keep himself steady as he drags the side of his cock against your wet folds. He feels the cum sticking everywhere, remnants of your orgasms dripping down onto his balls until he push up against your asscheeks. Jay judges your hole a few times and it’s enough to have you tossing your head to the side when he comes in contact with your clit.

Without using his hands, Jay sinks into you.

“I’ve got you,” he says. “Stay with me.”

[xoluvx]

idk if you have seen the clip but there was this video i saw on twitter where it was at this party and billie was either twerking or getting twerkerd on.

i think billie was twerking but like she wasn’t bent over or anything it was just like she shook her as you know?

but it made me think what if billie met reader at a party and you know they flirt and reader twerks on billie and soon it leads to billie taking reader home and take reader to POUUNNDTOOWWNNN (im writing this while listening to a bunch of Chase Atlantic songs 😭😭)

btw can i be this anon-🐌

ofc you can be my little snail (lmao) and yes um yes please i’d like to reside in poundtown with billie 🙂

the drinks may have rushed to your head a little too quickly. you'd come to that conclusion after finding yourself dancing on none other than billie motherfucking eilish when you hadn't even wanted to come to this thing. your friends had to practically drag you here. you had to make a mental note to thank them tomorrow once you were thinking straight because right now your head was flooded with gay thoughts.

all of them involving the brunette you were dancing on. her hands were on your hips. ass grinding on her. she'd pulled herself closer, chin on your shoulder as her lips brushed your cheek. you leaned back into her. lips parted as you held her head close to your neck. you were feeling so hot and hungry. hungry for her lips, for her touch, for her everything.

it was no surprise that your bodies would later stumble into her room. your clothes would leave a trail that marked your steps. her hands would be on your hips pulling you closer as you moaned in her mouth. your lips would be so sloppy on hers just wanting to eat her alive.

it was no surprise that you were now on all fours. face down on her bed. ass up in the air as she thrusted into you. her fingers digging into your ass pulling you down against her cock as you gasped for air. your brows furrowed with pleasure. your throat dry from crying out her name.

she pounded into you grunting each time she hit the back of your thighs. the sound of your skin slapping, your faltering cries and her guttural groans were sending you into outer space. you were fisting the sheets, your eyes shut so hard you were seeing colors and flashing lights. you could feel yourself growing tighter. the overwhelming tingles ran down your legs as you curled your toes.

"billie-" you whined using every ounce of your strength to utter her name.

billie held your shoulder burying her cock in your cunt. your whimpers muffled by the mattress. you were so close. so fucking close you were shaking. the touch of her hand on your bare shoulder was so powerful just like her thrusts that had you drooling on the bed sheets.

"yeah?" billie's voice was teasing and rung in your ear. her breath so warm against your skin. you didn't have the strength to talk. you just moaned through the pleasure biting your lip. billie buried her face in the nook of your neck. her own moans seeping into your skin as she ground her hips. her cock hitting all the right places. you were going to cum.

when she kissed your cheek and whispered in your ear, you got the reassurance. you allowed yourself to unravel on her cock. her hands holding your body securely as you convulsed and gasped for air. eyes shut. lips parted. only the most erotic moans spilling from your lips as you both fell on the bed sweaty and still so in lust.

[marvelobsessed134]

Sundresses and breeding kinks

A/n: was too lazy to make a collage for this I’m sorry 😭

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Warnings: g!p Natasha, top!natasha, sub!reader, daddy kink, housewife kink, breeding kink, extremely rough sex, crying, degradation (sort of?)

Summary: Natasha breeds you. That’s it. That’s the summary.

It was a typical Saturday afternoon at the Romanoff household. You were cleaning the bathroom counters having been neglecting the task the whole week. It’s not your fault! Seems like your wife wants to be balls deep inside you every second!

But of course, the task was interrupted by a certain redhead. “Your ass looks so good from here baby.” She commented, her eyes shamelessly ogling you.

You rolled your eyes ever so slightly and turned around. “Nat, please let me continue cleaning. I haven’t been able to get things done all week!”

The assassin just chuckled lightly as she walked towards you, caressing your face. “Such a good little housewife huh?”

Your knees buckled. She knew how much you got turned on from being called her housewife. “I- um-“ and you were already stuttering. Great.

Natasha walked closer to you, backing your up against the counter, her bulge touching your crotch. “Is it such a crime I want to fuck my wife all the time? I just can’t get enough of her.”

“I love being fucked by you, Nat. But I can’t be a housewife if I don’t do any of my chores.” You chuckled.

“Right. Which is why you need a baby. We need a baby.” Your eyes widened at her words.

“A-a baby?” You asked. She began to grind against you. “Yes. I want to breed you, detka. Cum so deep inside you that you forget who you are for a few seconds.”

You bit your lip, your core began to heat up. “I’d love that, daddy.” The use of the nickname got her even more hard if that was even possible. She growled lowly and smashed her lips to yours, squeezing your breasts as she did so.

“So fucking pretty. All for me huh?” She asked with a teasing smile.

“All for you daddy.” You moaned. She easily picked you up and carried you out of the en-suite and into your bedroom, laying you down on the bed. Immediately she lifted your dress up and pulled down your panties.

“Such a pretty pussy.” She growled, before diving in and eating you out like a starved woman. You gripped her hair as she worked her tongue through your folds and up to your clit. You curled your toes as you got closer and closer to the edge.

“Daddy, I’m gonna cum!” You moaned. “Cum for me pretty girl.” Natasha spoke against your core sending vibrations throughout your body. You screamed as you squirted out you finish. Natasha groaned that that. She loves that you’re a squirter. Makes it ever the more fun.

“Fucking love when you squirt baby. Makes it so fucking hot.” She groaned. She then straight up ripped your dress off groaning at the fact that you were wearing no bra underneath.

“Naughty girl.” She snickered, groping your tits, burying her face in between them. “I love these tits.” She groaned.

You felt her cock touch the inside of your thigh and you shifted ever so slightly. “Hmm? You want this cock in your pussy? Want daddy to fill you up?” You nodded with tear filled eyes. “Please daddy.” You whispered.

The redhead entered you with such ease and groaned at the fact. She began the fuck you harder than she ever had before, gripping your hips with such intensity that was definitely going to leave bruises the next morning.

She rolled her eyes back as she fucked you. You were both a moaning mess.

Suddenly she stopped. “Turn over, grip onto the headboard so I can ruin you properly.” Her words sent a shiver down your spine and you quickly complied, gripping onto the headboard.

The Russian smacked your ass as she plunged back into you, gripping your hips again and pounding into you fast. Your vision was blurry and your tits were bouncing like crazy as her cock hit your velvety walls again and again.

The only sounds in the room were those of skin slapping, moans, grunts, and the headboard shaking against the wall.

“Daddy!!!!” You cried as you reached your second orgasm, tears streaming down your face due to how rough she was being. But you loved it.

As if she already knew she growled, “Cum around my cock baby. I’m gonna spill my load inside you in just a few seconds. Fuck!”

You clenched and her and your vision went white for a moment as you felt pure ecstasy. That mixed with the feeling of her warm cum painting your walls made you weak and you practically fell face first onto the pillow.

Natasha was catching her breath behind you and pulled out, laughing at how you fell. “Guess I fucked my girl a little too hard huh?”

“No, loved it daddy. Want it to happen again.” You muttered into the pillow and she surprisingly understood you.

[bettysupremacy]

hii! I was wondering if you could write a fic with reader and any marauder (they all fit) and maybe helping or becoming protective over the reader after a concert or party after a creep follows the reader? 😭

I went through a similar experience with a guy following me around after I went to the restroom after a concert, and it ruined my night if i'm being honest, I was scared 😞 I'm not the most shy of people and usually I can handle myself but it was pretty dark and idk the adrenaline from feeling happy to scared shifted pretty quickly. Luckily I found my friends and let them know and we quickly went back to our car (along with a few dirty looks from my friends god bless lol). I swore I could go to the restroom by myself- will not be doing that again :(

you can ignore this request if it makes you uncomfortable!

thank uu

i’m so sorry that happened to you! “(they all fit)”= poly marauders!

There’s something about post concert depression, especially when you’re with the band.

Your glitter eyeshadow is smudged, eyeliner untouched. You’d been shaken around in the pit of your boyfriends fans, and yet the paint hasn’t budged. God bless water-proof makeup. The world seems prettier like this, touched by alcohol and the feeling of soaring pride for your boyfriends. The glittery lights and signs of time square never fail to dazzle you, even now as you lean against Sirius morosely.

“M’hungry.” You frown, toes tipping up towards Sirius, though you fear the mumble may have been more for yourself.

His attention is diverted towards the boys as they discuss what to do now. Plans of how to get home and where to eat. His finger taps your cheek slowly, his focus paying you no mind. Words like Uber, hotel, room service echo throughout their very repetitive conversation.

“Sirius.”

He looks down, a little shocked and sorry at his own attention. “Yes, lovely?”

“M’hungry.”

“Hungry?” He asks, cringing. You’re about thirty minutes from the hotel, and even then, room service will take another thirty.

“So hungry.”

He sighs, unsure of what to do.

“There’s a hotdog stand over there.” You grab his tattooed bicep to balance yourself as you point to your right.

He thinks, peering down at you. “This won’t ruin your dinner?” It’s midnight, but still.

“No,” you sing, reaching up to cup his cheeks. “I really want a hotdog.

He flushes, looking away from your wandering eyes. Normally he wouldn’t let you out of his sight. They would never let you out of their sight in a place like this. But the cart is in eye view of the boys, and he has faith in you not to stray, even in your inebriated manor. It’s not that they don’t trust you, they just prefer to keep you safe themselves. Is that okay?

“Okay,” He murmurs, pulling out his wallet, handing you his card. “At least get the good toppings.”

“I always get the good toppings.” You pull away.

The walk is short and the cart is colorful. Red and white stripes, curvy calligraphy. It shines in your inebriated vision. Beautiful. The queues not long, just an older man waiting in front of you, but it feels like forever as the generous man (with the toppings as well) takes your order and wraps it in warm aluminum foil.

You take the hotdog eagerly. “Thank you.”

It’s heavy in your hands, warm too. You yell Sirius’ name excitedly, waving the hotdog above your head for him to see. He laughs, thumbs up until you bump into a man, smile fading, concern etching his brows.

“Oh,” you murmur, looking up. “I’m sorry.”

“No problem,” he smiles. It’s uncomfortable, not the smile of a friendly civilian.

You laugh. It’s polite, anyone can see that, but he leans closer. He smells like liquor, a disgusting discovery that has you subconsciously leaning away.

“You new around here?”

An actual laugh stumbles out of your lips. “London? No.”

He takes this as an entrance. “You should show me around.”

“No, thank you.” You try to walk past him. Towards Sirius who’s already walking over. “Goodnight.”

“Wait,” he grabs your arm, pulling you back. His fingers dig into your elbow painfully.

“What the fuck,” you gasp, pulling your arm away roughly. “don’t touch me.”

“C’mon,” The man slurs, fingers reaching for you again. “Don’t be-“

“Hello?” Sirius walks up, all stock. He grabs your forearm pulling you to him firmly, getting in between you and the man. He’s not much taller, but more intimidating in demeanor. “Do we have a problem?”

“No,” the man scoffs.

“Cause it looks like you put your hands on her.”

He scoffs again, clearly inebriated. “We were just talking.”

“Well, conversations over now.”

“She can make her own decisions.”

“Fuck off, bro.” Sirius waves his hand dismissively. Quickly, he walks you towards the boys who are peeking their eyes up from the Uber app.

“She was asking for it.”

Sirius reels back, dropping your forearm to shove the scary stranger in the chest. He pushes hard, the man losing his balance as he falls to the ground in a sickening thud. You gasp loudly, the unexpected conflict startling you. Vaguely you hear Sirius say something to him, but you’re too focused on the way the man looks up at you.

James and Remus are there in seconds, quick on Sirius’s heels. They pull at him, up and off the man. There were no real punches thrown, no real injuring blows, it wasn’t even enough to form a crowd. But still, you’re shaken. You shiver like a leaf under your James’ leather jacket, suddenly not feeling the warmth of the alcohol you’d consumed before the concert.

Slowly, you stumble back and way from your boys, to the bench next to the shitty bar you’d passed on your way home. That had been scary, but you’re safe; that had been scary, but Sirius dealt with it. You bring your hand up to your chest, setting the hotdog you had been eager to buy down next to you.

“Hi,” Remus pushes aside the hotdog to sit next to you. “Are you okay?”

You look up to the boy, blindingly beautiful in the streetlights and advertisements. “Yes.”

He pushes some stray hair from your face. “He didn’t hurt you?”

“I think it was more startling.” James sits on the other side of you, kissing your temple firmly. “I’m sorry he did that.”

“It’s okay, I’m okay.”

“She’s okay.” Sirius gruffs from where he walks over.

He sounds cooler than he thinks he looks. He’s not bruised, bloodied, or bandaged, if he were he thinks he’d look cool enough to breeze over. But then again you look mad, so maybe he doesn’t want that.

“Don’t be upset,” Sirius crouches to your level. You’re in the arms of a solid Remus. “he was a creep.”

“Are you hurt?”

“Are you trying to tell me something?” He laughs roguishly. “I thought I looked good tousled.”

He does, and you know he’ll look good on the tabloids tomorrow too. Sirius black gives black eye? You sigh at the thought.

“You do.” James feeds Sirius.

“At least someone in this relationship cares for my ego.”

“You look good.”

“Oh, now you tell me.”

You laugh, letting Sirius stare at you like you hung the moon.

“Kiss em?” He pushes his knuckles in front of your lips. His fingers throb lightly, you can feel it on your lips.

“That was stupid.”

“C’mon,” Sirius’ eyes roll as he pulls you up. “You’ve got a hotdog to eat.”

[sukunas-wife]

First, I adore your writing! It warms my soul 🫶🏽♥️

Second, I was wondering if you could do Sukuna x Reader w/ little Yuji asking his dad to help him make a gift for Y/N for Mother’s Day. I think it would be such a cute bonding time between them 💝

Please and thank you if you choose this 🤍

Tysm 🥹 it keeps me warm at night, So does my Sukuna plushie when I don’t knock him off the bed by accident 😭 but Yes! 🥺 I know Valentines isn’t close or far but 😫 The things I’d do for him and Yuji (as a son) on Valentine’s Day 😭😭 I wanna spoil both of them with love🥹 and maybe give Sukuna another kid 🤭

But I hope you like it Little Anon 🤍

“DDAAADDDD” Yuji came running into the living room crying running with a pair of plastic scissors almost impaling his dad. “What is brat?” Sukuna didn’t look too interested, laid back on the sofa, arms behind his head, eyes closed.

“My scissors won’t cut!” He made snipping motions on the paper he was using and sukuna barely opened an eye to watch. Yuji’s already teary eyes watered up as she trembled and sniffled. Sukuna closed his eyes, “Then fold it and tear it, you don’t need scissors to cut paper.”

There Yuji stood, laying the paper on his dads stomach. Sukuna opened his eyes watching how he was crinkling it while he tried to fold it. Failing and failing until he got it right, and tearing it apart slowly, “I did it!” Sukuna had a small smile, bringing a hand to ruffled Yuji’s hair “After half an hour.” Yuji pouted, “I gotta go!” He ran to his room again and sukuna was left with his hand flopping down dragging on the floor. “Hey!” He yelled after Yuji, Yuji popped his head out the door, “yeah?” “STOP RUNNING WITH THOSE DAMN SCISSORS!” “….Okay daddy!”

Sukuna closed his eyes leaning back, he could hear the tearing of paper before he started to nap. Then there was a really loud tear and he choked hearing Yuji’s small voice “damn it!”

“Pssst… psss… pss daddy.” He tried to swat away whatever was touching his face “ddadddyyyy are you awake?….. daddy?”

“What is it now Yuji?” Sukuna didn’t open his eyes. “I needa go…” “Yu.. you have the short toilet you can go if you need to..” “noooo daddy I need to go to the store!” Sukuna sat him with a huff, “alright let’s go. Go get dressed- are we taking the bike?” Yuji's eyes had stars while he looked up at his dad. “Yeah, we’re taking the bike cmon, get ready.” Yuji ran off to his room where Sukuna heard all the sounds of Yuji ripping open the clothes drawers. Grabbing his own jacket he got ready to go out into the cold.

—————-

“Alright what are we looking for…” Sukuna received silence, “Yuji?” He snapped around and there was no Yuji. “Ah shit.”

There went Sukuna trying to speed walk around trying to find his son who he literally brought into the store a minute ago. Finally he found him, in the seasonal section stretching on his tippy toes to get a white tiger plushie that held a white and silver box with a costume glass pearl necklace and earrings. “…what are you doing…?” “Wan it for mommy.” He gave up looking down and pointing at the plushie. Sukuna sighed, “Why do you want it for mom brat it’s not her birthday.” “Because it’s white day daddy! I have to get something for mommy!” He threw his hands up like it was the most obvious thing, unbeknownst to him the entire world was coming crashing down on his dad at that moment.

“I..it’s what?” “White day Daddy! Now hurry, I need that bear!” He went back to jumping and trying to grab it before Sukuna grabbed it shoving it under his arm, and picking up Yuji stuffing him under his other arm, “We gotta hurry-“ Yuji bounced around under Sukuna’s arm while he ande his way to the register, “wait!” Sukuna came to a stop “what?!” “Can I get candy?” Yuji pointed at the candy aisle and Sukuna turned his side to the aisle so Yuji could get what he wanted, “okay… WAIT NO” he grabbed a second candy, “I’m ready.” Sukuna let out heh noise before rushing back to the register, “I gotta pick something up at the shops so we gotta be fast hold on.”

————-

Yuji was standing on a chair at the kitchen table looking at the white Box his dad picked up. “What’s inside?” Sukuna who was focusing on spilling the glitter Yuji wanted on his card was holding his breath to not blow everywhere. Finally he sat up taking a breath, “a gift for your mom, cmon, you wanted to put your hand on this card right?”

“Mhmm!” Yuji hummed running around the table to his dads side barely peeking over the edge, “got the paint?” … “mm…no, gotta find it” Yuji trailed after his dad on the way to his room where they started looking in the closet, in the toy box, under the bed. “Where’s y/n put everything???” Sukuna was knelt face pressed against the floor flashing under Yuji’s bed with his phone’s flash light.

“Oh oh! Top shelf! Mommy doesn’t let me touch the top shelf.” He watched his push a chair over the book shelf and jump in the chair grabbing a thin box, “I touch it anyways.” He smiled proudly and Sukuna just smirked “Oh you little devil mommy would be so disappointed to know her precious little boy plays with the paint when she’s not home.”

Yuji threw the box up, “Please don’t tell mommy! I’ll never do it again!” Sukuna laughed when Yuji started to tear up, “Don’t worry, as long as you don’t tell mommy we ran that red light earlier, grab em and let’s go.” Yuji nodded like he was on a mission, “Kay.”

——

“Daddy you put your hand on first,” Sukuna sighed but pressed his hand into the Paper Yuji worked so hard to cut earlier. “Now let me see your hand Yu, gonna ink you up.”

Yuji laughed uncontrollably at the feeling of the brush on his fingers and palm which lead to Sukuna tickling him. Yuji was laughing until he turned red and started wheezing. Sukuna tried to brush Yuji’s hair back until he smudged him with paint. He cleared his throat to not laugh at Yuji, when he finally sat up catching his breath.. “My hands dry.”

Sukuna snickered, “alright, do it this time.” He carefully painted Yuji’s hand, guiding him to make the print right in the middle of Sukuna’s hand print. “Done!”

He turned to his dad in his lap and placed his hands on his cheeks squishing his face, “Thank you daddy, i love you.” Yuji was smiling, Sukuna smiled and nuzzled his nose against Yuji’s before pressing his lips to the top of his head making a dramatic muah sound making Yuji go “eewww” while laughing. Sukuna laughed while Yuji stared at his face, “I wanna look like daddy.” Which led to the two spending the next hour painting Yuji’s face to have the same inked lines his daddy did. 🥹

———

When you came home you found Sukuna and Yuji in the kitchen. Sukuna was telling Yuji about his “top secret” frying technique and Yuji was standing on a chair looking at the stove watching every move not wanting to miss anything. “mhm mhm” he had no idea what was going on while his dad was talking. You took their picture before Yuji finally turned around “Mommy!” He got so happy slowly sliding off the seat to run over to you, “Happy White day! We got you something!”

“Aww baby you didn’t have too.” Picking him up and kissing him all over he squealed in delight. Setting him down you walked over to Sukuna, he turned to kiss you when he felt you moving in to kiss his cheek. He had that smug smile when you smiled wrinkling your nose at him.

“Look, we made the bag too.” You watched Yuji’s little chubby legs and hands pop around the bag his face hidden behind the wrinkled tissue paper, “Aww its so pretty.” You took the bag from him, it was a white party bag in Yuji’s hand writing with gold marker “we lov you momy.” Covering your smile with your hand you looked at Yuji, “Did it all by myself.” Sukuna tsked “Sure ya did brat, went to the store too and used your whole five dollars too, hm?”

Yuji stuck his tongue out at his dad, “You didn’t give em back so I did pay!” You shook your head smiling when you opened the box, pulling out a white paper card, Sukuna moved closer resting his chin on your shoulder and Yuji pushed up a chair. The was Yuji’s handwriting “We lov you momy” and a wobbly drawn heart. Under it he wrote his name and Sukuna signed his name with a little note “I Love you more ;).” When you opened it it was so cute that you knew Yuji had to have forced Sukuna to do it. Sukuna’s hands were painted red in the shape of a heart, inside were yuji little hands painted white to make a smaller heart.

There was the note in Sukuna’s Handwriting, “These are my hands and with them I will take yours to have and to hold, to love and cherish till death do us part.”

Then there was Yuji’s cute little note, “I know you wipe some away, but these prints were made to stay, So keep them forever, a treasure they'll be, A special I LOVE YOU for you from me.”

The rest of the card was decorated in gold and silver glitters dots and squiggles. Little hand drawn hearts from Sukuna and Yuji. Most of the glitter ended up on the white tiger plushie Yuji ended up taking to sleep with that night 🥹😭

Later that night when Ryo and You were in the room getting ready to sleep when he spoke up. “Sorry we didn’t take you out anywhere fancy. Kinda lost track of time with everything going on…” he paused and you just turned to look at him, “It’s not an excuse but I did get you this.”

You walked over standing between his legs taking the white box from him. He hugged your waist pressing his face against your tummy, you rested your elbows on his shoulders and he heard your small laugh. “I think this was more for you then it was for me.”

You dropped the box next to him holding up the lingerie set. It was white satin with gold hip and shoulder straps covered in crystals. The back of the panties had been customised to say “Ryomen”, all topped off with one of those dramatic lacey robes with even more dramatic feathery cuffs and edges.

He smiled up at you from your tummy with lidded eyes, “maybe…” he kissed your tummy before squeezing your sides. You out a hand on his head brushing his hair back, he had that smug smile that gave you Yuji a few years ago, “So what do you say we really make this a white day?”

Tag: @sad-darksoul @cyder-puff @satorisgirl @bontensbabygirl @lupita97lm @queen-luna-007 @sakuxxi @mercymccann @simpforyoubitch @certainduckanchor @domainofmarie @najiiix @bakugou-katsukis-wife @amitiel-truth @souyasplushie @mylovelessnightmare

[moonstruckme]

He would never take those bracelets off 😭 now I kinda want a fic of counselor James and counselor reader how cute

Hi, I've lowkey been hoarding this for months because I wanted to wait until I felt summery enough, thank you for requesting!!

camp counselor!James x fem!reader ♡ 693 words

“Land ho, boys!” A familiar voice reaches you over the water. Your eyes are closed towards the sun, but you feel your lips twitch upward. “Thomas, if you don’t help Callum paddle you’ll fall behind, and the last one to shore has to buy me a popsicle after dinner. Hey, look, we’ve got a mermaid on our beach!” 

You turn your head to the side, squinting your eyes to see James and his cabin of boys paddling toward you in kayaks over the lake. You lift your hand in a lazy wave. 

“Oh, false alarm, it’s just y/n. Hi, y/n!” He raises an arm to wave back at you, wrist stacked with string bracelets made with care by small hands.

You swear he’s got more from your own campers than you have, but you don’t mind; James is a hero to most of the kids, the goofy gentle giant who lets them ride on his shoulders when your manager isn’t looking and deals temporary tattoos out of his cabin during mealtimes.

“Careful, Archie, mate, if she catches you rocking your kayak like that she’s going to hang you from the lifeguard stand by your toes.” The boys laugh, and James protests, “No, really! I’ve seen her do it, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

You roll your eyes and close them again, turning your face back towards the sky. It’s not until you hear the shushing of kayaks against the coarse sand and a shadow falls over you that you say, without opening your eyes, “Spreading rumors about me again?” 

“They know better than to take me seriously.”

James’ shadow moves as he sits beside you on the sand, and you turn your head again to see him. He’s looking over his shoulder at the boys, the lean muscles of his abdomen stretching and dusky skin shining with sweat in the afternoon sun.

“Hey, whoever puts my kayak and paddle up, I’ll buy them a popsicle after dinner.” Shouts and bickering ensue, and James turns back around with a smile. “Where are your kids?” he asks you. 

“In arts and crafts,” you say. “Figured I’d catch a nap while they were busy.” 

He hums, setting his hands on the warm sand behind him and leaning back. “So you didn’t just come here to see how fit I looked dragging a paddle through the water?” 

You know James is only playing, but embarrassment tingles down to your toes anyway. “Not this time, sorry.” 

“Mm, don’t believe you.” He shoots you a grin, and you look away under the guise of rolling your eyes. That thing is more glaring than the sun. “You coming to the bonfire tonight?” 

“Don’t we have to?” you ask. It’s the last night of this session, and camp always closes out with a bonfire and s’mores for the kids. 

“I mean the other bonfire.” At your blank look, James continues, looking rather too pleased to know something you don’t, “After the kid’s bonfire, when they’re all watching a movie in the cafeteria, some of the counselors are planning to go out into the woods and have a grown-up’s bonfire.” 

You giggle. “Grown-ups? What are we, twelve?”

James bobs his head. “And we’re gonna have s’mores, and tell ghost stories, and maybe play truth or dare,” he says in an exaggeratedly animated tone. “It’s gonna be super cool.” 

“It sounds super cool,” you agree, laughing. “I’ll be there.” 

“Excellent.” James casts a look over his shoulder and starts standing up. “I should get back to my kids before they injure each other.” 

You check the time and sigh. “Yeah, me too.” 

“Want a hand?” 

You reach up and James takes your hands in his, hauling you upright. Your head lightens once you’re vertical, a combination of your sun-warmed skin and James’ touch making you woozy. 

“See you later?” he asks, releasing your hands and starting to back away as the shouting behind him grows more boisterous. “I’ll come find you in the cafeteria, we can walk together.” 

“That’d be great, thanks.” You start walking away, too, ignoring the pleasant buzzing in your chest. “I wouldn’t miss it.” 

[starrywilliams]

guilty as sin? | abby anderson

“these fatal fantasies giving way to labored breath, taking all of me, we’ve already done it in my head”

warnings: masturbation, slight masochism, ruined orgasm, angst, perv!abby (a little), internalized homophobia (discussed in more detail below)

notes: no surprise my favourite ttpd song is the gayest one on the album, but guilty as sin? screams lesbian guilt i fear!!!! i’ve been writing this for over a month so i hope u guys like it 😭

cw: discussion of lesbian guilt & comphet - these are somewhat based on my own experiences with my sexuality and i absolutely!!! do not think a man can ‘cure’ a lesbian or anything similar to that. nor do i believe anyone should ever feel guilty for being gay. realising i’m a lesbian has been extremely freeing & dykes r the best x

wc: 1.8k

likes, comments + reblogs are greatly appreciated :)

the door slammed harshly behind abby as she stormed into her room. she pulled her jacket off desperately; her skin hot under its tight vice. she’d been in the gym, trying to work out her endless frustration of late, when you’d walked in.

you’d only said “hi" and smiled politely at her before setting your things down. but she felt her stomach churn, a black hole opening inside her. abby stood up, pulling the weights off the barbell and onto their rack. she grunted softly, glancing at you from the corner of her eye.

you’d started stretching, currently bent over as you touched your toes. her eyes drifted for an infinitesimal moment, locking onto the swell of your-. she looked away - wrongwrongwrong.

but then she looked back, her stare feasting on your body. she wondered whether you were doing this on purpose, trying to tempt her from across the room. she wondered if you knew her dirty little secret, abby picturing a smirk on your face as you mocked her for such indecent thoughts.

she didn’t want to feel this way. she didn’t want to feel the poison ivy swarming around her chest, getting tighter, tighter. the rash spread inside her; this invisible whip of lust lashing against her skin whenever your face appeared in her mind. well, had it been just your face maybe she wouldn’t feel like some depraved sinner.

now it wasn’t like abby believed in god, in a world where death and destruction infect every crevice you’d have to be mad to believe that any ‘god’ wanted its followers to suffer so greatly. but something inside her screamed every time she had these thoughts. these impure, twisted thoughts about you.

she didn’t know what made her feel like this. what made her resent you for simply existing; and what made her resent herself.

she recalled her teenage years, when manny had subtly suggested that owen liked her - so she was supposed to like him back, right? and she tried! she loved him even - but there was always that something, that feeling in her gut that told her that something was wrong, something about him that just would never sit right with her.

but all the other girls wanted a boyfriend too, and the jealousy was nice at first - she’d thought. after all, mel was the star student, a doctor in the making, her dad’s favourite; and nora was this freshly trained medical officer, and abby was- abby was just abby.

her dad began noticing her more too - previously too preoccupied with his firefly duties and his favourite student. now his little girl was slipping away from him, he finally began paying her the amount of attention she’d craved for so long.

before, their conversations had often drifted into talk of mel and her new achievements, or his hopes of a vaccine, or some animal he was tracking. never anything about his daughter’s life.

having a boyfriend made her interesting, it gave the other girls something to envy. which was a nice reversal, for a while. then her dad died, and she had become this object of pity. owen helped a bit, she supposed. he tried to distract her and keep her focused on their new role as soldiers, but she barely cared about him anymore. all she wanted was revenge, and with revenge, came you.

you were one of the gyms trainers, passionate about helping the members of the wlf stay fit and healthy! you’d helped her start lifting weights, squealed as she reached every milestone, and had remarked jokingly about just how much you loved her new physique.

it was innocent at first, the most being her brain going a little fuzzy when you’d bit your lip while spotting her; a slight blush when you’d hugged her a little too tight. then, once she and owen were finally broken up, these new pictures began hanging themselves on the walls of her mind. still, innocent, just slightly tainted with desire - the true nature of them still an avoidable matter for her back then.

when she could ignore the truth in her recent behaviour, abby loved spending time with you. after all, you were just really good friends! anyway, she’d had a boyfriend before so everyone knew she was normal, and absolutely not different, and she would never ever have to feel like an outsider.

yet it took a mere three months before she gave up on this foolish lie. she liked you, and as long as nobody ever found out, it wouldn’t matter.

but as her mind grew dark and twisted - joel a constant topic in her head as she obsessed over finally getting to enact revenge - her thoughts got worse in turn. she wanted you - filthily and desperately.

every gym session ended with another cold shower, a desperate plea for her body to stop and let her focus on the task at hand; a hopeless attempt to bury this ache into the ground; an endless endeavour to escape these urges for just one second.

but then she came back changed, every hair on her body endlessly erected with guilt. the way she’d killed him so mercilessly, the way it had done nothing to ease the pain, and the way you had tormented her mind ceaselessly throughout the entire trip.

maybe, had she never met you, she could’ve just killed him and been satisfied. maybe had you never offered to train her personally, she could’ve just stayed comfortable in that stuffy closet. maybe if she found the right man she’d stop feeling this way.

abby deemed such ideas unfathomable now.

owen made her feel nothing. being with him was like an eternal thursday, an endless wait for the week’s end and its pleasure to turn up at her door. every day she’d wait for some spark to arrive, the routine only becoming more and more tedious by the minute. but he helped her get people’s attention, which was enough when she was just abby.

but then she was abby anderson, top scar killer and isaac’s favourite. she got attention on her own, she was praised for her own accomplishments: people worshipped the fucking ground she walked on. but they didn’t know who she really was.

they didn’t know she liked girls the way she was supposed to like boys. she’d seen it in enough of those wlf movie nights - cruel jokes about anyone who even thought about being different. she’d heard the way people gossiped, “did you hear that they’re moving lesbians into the family unit? what a joke.”

they said it like it was something dirty, something egregious, something that she had to hate about herself. so she did.

but as long as she kept it secret, kept it locked away in her mind, maybe she’d be okay. after all, only your actions talk: it was the age old question really, if a tree falls in a forest and no one else hears it, does it make a sound?

abby fell back against her bed sheets, calloused hands pushing her cargos down to her ankles as she replayed the sight of you in her mind. bent over - she felt like you were trying to tempt her on purpose.

she felt like a heathen; staring, fantasizing, worshipping. her mind was bursting with the idea of every possible position she could put you in; head a chorus of every little noise she wanted to hear you make; eyes screwed shut as depravity filled her every sense.

she shoved her bralette up her chest roughly, fingertips dragging over her nipples with little mercy. she pinched them, the peach skin stinging underneath her touch.

she wanted it to hurt; wanted it to feel like some sort of punishment for her thoughts. but as her hips bucked into the air, a long whine dragging from her clenched jaw, she realised it needed to hurt more.

she imagined you, finding her like this. disgust burnt into your features - what the fuck was she doing? repeating your name like some subverted prayer, fingers harshly scratching along her stomach as she tried to make the pleasure feel more like pain, trying to induce some connection between the two.

if it hurt enough, would she stop? force herself to forget? could she torture this part of herself until it surrendered?

her hand slipped over the top of her boxers, a finger running tentatively over her clit through the now darkened fabric. she bit down on her lip, groaning against it as she pushed down harder and harder, attempting to break through the skin.

another finger pressed down, beginning to draw circles down on the throbbing bud. she jolted against her own touch, your head between her legs burning into her mind. your hands, trailing along her flesh - groping at her with little tenderness; tongue, swiping at her pussy with no intent of fulfillment: she wanted you to make her weep, smoke out her lungs with shame, deny her from gratification until all she could feel was regret.

she pulled away, only to cover her fingertips with her spit - diving under her boxers to continue with her corruption. abby let out a strangled sigh, hips grinding against her fingers as they toyed with her clit.

she moved a hand to her hair, knuckles stretching against her scalp as she began to pull her braid. she grunted, yanking even harder. she whispered your name: pained, hopeless.

she sped up her assault against her pussy, feeling that pit in the bottom of her stomach begin to grow. “pleasepleaseplease” her voice cracked as she begged, unsure what she was pleading for.

she wanted to stop, but she needed to try and make this feeling go away. she knew it would come back, it always did - but even five minutes free from your torment on her mind might save her.

her fingers kept going, drawing desperate circles against her weeping pussy relentlessly. the void was growing, almost consuming her entirely at this point. she thought of you laughing at her current state: a crying mess, pussy wet with perversion.

it was sick, really - how the idea of you hating her for this made her need even worse. you’d probably think it appalling: someone who was supposed to be your friend, now sat here burning at the thought of you.

a part of her wished that you shared this sickness. that you too let yourself be overwhelmed by the thought of sin. maybe you didn’t let the guilt swallow you whole - she hoped so.

but there was no point lingering in the what-ifs, they were far too fleeting.

her deft fingers quickened their pace, the ache all consuming. the climb began - a desperate jump towards oblivion. closer, closer. the flames scorched her bedsheets as her breathing hastened.

fuck, she hissed before reaching the apex with a scream of your name. a scream? a whisper? a thought? it didn’t make her actions any less deplorable.

her conscience grabbed pleasure by the throat as she ripped her fingers away, putting out the blaze on her hips like a cigarette crushed on the ground.

the desire imploded within the walls of her torso; scratching against her insides in the vengeance of her denial.

it was wrong; she had to stop it. yet still, the guilt poured into her lungs with no chance of resolve. she was a fool for thinking it would fix her. maybe next time it would work. maybe next time the exorcism would finally purify her.

until next time.

[lovexjoe]

Sex and Aftercare with Armando Aretas Concept

Hot and fucking heavy

He would spend months wanting/chasing you and to finally have you? Brace yourself

Puts your pleasure first every time

Guaranteed to make you cum more than 3x in one session

Loves to praise you

Kisses every inch of your body

He will suck your toes im sorry 😭

He’s nutting everywhere: in you, on your tits, ass and especially your face

"Good girl"

"Moan for daddy"

"Eres tan perfecta mami" (You're so perfect mami)

Insecurities? Not allowed to have them with him. He'll fuck you in front of a mirror just so you can see how beautiful you are.

Always a dominate, rarely a submissive unless he's done something bad and you fully take control.

A whiny little submissive though must I say and you love to see it

"Please baby. Don't stop"

"I fucked up, touch me"

Acting like a brat? He would fold you like a pretzel till you apologize

Delays gratification as punishment

Dacryphillia: something about you overcome with so much pleasure drives him animalistic.

Wants every part of you and I mean every part (anal)

"Armando that's my- oh!"

Loves 69

Breeding kink for you only

Loves to be your little spoon after sex. Lays his head on your chest

Sets up a bath after an intense session

Body massages that ends in him giving you head

After being on a mission and he thought you were gonna lose your life. He would make love to you for hours whispering sweet nothings in your ear.

"Te amo mucho" (I love you so much)

"Tu eres mia" (You are mine)

"Marry me" Yes he would ask you during a passionate session. You would jokingly say yes, not taking him serious at all. Till the next day he has a beautiful romantic setup thanks to Mike's help.

[inkdrinkerworld]

Overly touchy!James who gets kinda upset when other people touch you, but he can’t exactly say anything because you’re not dating 😭

James is fuming a little more than he was from his bad practice when he gets into the apartment.

He’d messed up all his passes, hadn’t been able to sprint properly and lost all his physical battles.

It had hurt his ego a little, maybe more than a little, but he’d been looking forward to coming home and relaxing with you braiding his hair.

Instead, Sirius’ head is in your lap, and you’re braiding his hair. To make it worse in James’ eyes, Sirius is holding on to your ankles and rubbing his thumb over it.

The scowl in his face is inevitable. But he can’t say anything because you’re just friends.

James has come to abhor the word in every possible way. ‘Just friends’, isn’t what he wants to be with you but he’s taking it slow because he doesn’t want to spook you.

You turn to the slamming of the door, eyebrows creased together as you watch James scowl.

“Jamie? Was practice not good?” You ask, fingers still plucking and pulling at Sirius’ hair.

“Nope,” it’s one word and then he’s storming off, upstairs and you assume to his bedroom.

“Well, he’s got a stick up his arse,” Sirius whistles and you shake your head.

“Must’ve been really bad.” You say lightly, finishing the micro-braids at the front of Sirius’ head. “I think Remus is gonna faint when he sees your hair.”

Sirius grins a wicked grin, “Oh he better. Gonna go take care of your boy toy now?”

You roll your eyes but stand, gathering all your haircare stuff in your arms. “He’s not my boy toy. Also don’t you have a date to go get ready for?”

It distracts Sirius only a little, but as he’s walking out and you’re walking up the stairs, he notes that you didn’t say ‘we’re just friends.’

-

When you get up to the top of the stairs, you knock hesitantly on James’ door. It’s usually never shut, but then again he’s never looked as upset as he had today.

“Come in,” inside James is face down in his bed, back exposed to you.

“You okay James?” You ask walk in and sit beside his hip. “You looked pretty upset when you came in.”

“Do you like Sirius?” He asks, bluntly as he twists to see your face.

He’s met with a confused scrunching of your face, eyebrows melting together and lips pouted.

“As a friend.” You say and James sighs.

“Like we’re friends? Or like proper friends?”

You lay beside him, hand scrubbing against your cheek. Your toes twist together as you choose your words.

“Like proper friends. I didn’t think we were regular friends, Jamie. Like, we do more than friendly stuff. I don’t do that with everyone.”

James’ whole body relaxes at your words and his face tucks under your neck. “Neither do I,” he moves your hands under the hem of his shirt. “I did have a shitty practice though, can we do something cozy tonight?”

You hum, your fingernails scratching at James’ lower stomach. “Yeah, we can watch Hocus Pocus and bake those pumpkin cookies.”

[6esiree]

Gen Z Things With The Hazbin Men

Just some funny stuff I saw on Instagram. I’ll do one with the women next! Also, writing for Zestial is so hard like, why does he speak like that? 😭

Alastor:

The Dill-Doe Shirt

“Look at what my darling bought me!” Alastor announces excitedly, stretching his shirt so everybody can see, the word ‘Dill-Doe’ standing out. “Ha! Isn’t it hilarious? It’s a doe wearing a dill pickle as a costume!”

“Al, that says Dill-Doe, like, a dildo,” Angel says, trying not to laugh. “Do ya know what that is?”

“A what now?” Alastor asks innocently.

“Shut up, Angel!”

Lucifer:

The J in June

“Luci, do you know what the J in June stands for?” You ask Lucifer.

“Oh, I didn’t even know it stood for anything,” Lucifer says. “Well, what is it, honey?”

“The J in June is for the Jiggle in my ass when I walk,” You say, looking over your shoulder as you strut down the hallway.

“I believe you,” Lucifer says, fanning his face as he watches your ass do just that.

“You have no shame!”

Husk:

Spell RUN

“Husk, touch your toes,” You tell Husk, trying to keep a straight face as you discreetly record him.

“Fine, but it better not be somethin’ stupid,” Husk says, bending over and touching his toes.

“Okay, now spell ‘Run’ three times.”

“R-U-N, R-U-N, R-U—“ Husk realizes, his eyes widening as you start laughing while you hold up your phone. “Wait a fuckin’ minute.”

“HA! You’re asking if it’s in your—“ You start, but then he tackles you to the ground, shattering your phone.

Vox:

Can I Hold It While You Pee?

“I’m going to the restroom,” Vox announces as he stands up from the couch.

“Wait, let me come with you!” You say, following behind him.

“What, why would you want to do that?” Vox stutters as he turns around, a horrified look on his face.

“Can I hold it while you pee?” You ask, but he shakes his head as he backs up from you, accidentally cornering himself.

“Stay away from me!” Vox says before teleporting out of the room, leaving you pouting.

Adam:

Throw Cheeks, Bbg

“Throw cheeks, babygirl,” You tell Adam as you walk into the room.

He instantly turns his backside away from you, covering his ass with his wings.

“NO! I’M NOT THROWING CHEEKS,” Adam yells, folding his arms and shaking his head. “I DON’T WANNA!”

Angel Dust:

Impregnating A Man

“Ya eva’ love ya man so much ya just wish ya were seahorses?” Angel sighs as he looks at you, but you’re too busy scrolling on your phone to notice. “Ta get him pregnant, I mean.”

“Just because he’s a man doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try,” You tell him.

“Huh, yeah, ya right!” Angel says, grabbing your chin and making you look at him. “Wanna try, sweetcheeks?”

“Oh no, I forgot that was me.”

Sir Pentious:

The BBL

“Hey, Pentious!” You greet the serpent, an innocent smile on your face. “Can I give you a BBL?”

“A BBL? What isss that?” Sir Pentious asks you, confused. “If it’s nothing bad, perhaps I could allow you to—“ He continues sheepishly.

“DON’T SAY YES, THEY BOTCHED MINE!” Angel screeches, barging into the room, two small pillows falling from his skirt.

“Wait, Pentious, DON’T GO!” You whine as you watch him slither away in fear.

Valentino:

I Don’t Take In Strays

“What’s your address?” Valentino texts you. You only gave him your number so he could leave you alone. “I’m spending the night.”

“4351 Pasadena Ave,” You text back.

“That’s the animal shelter?”

“Yeah, they take in strays. Not me, goodnight.”

Saint Peter:

When Did I Ask?

“So, uh, Emily was telling me about this new restaurant that opened up,” Saint Peter starts, nervously wringing his hands together. “And I was wondering if you wanted to go?”

“When?” You asked, trying not to laugh.

“Oh, well, how does Friday—“

“Did I ask?”

Saint Peter’s face drops, his cheeks flushing in embarrassment, losing whatever confidence he had built up to ask you out.

“Oh my God, you poor baby! I’m so, so sorry, I have no self control,” You said, rushing to him and holding his face in your hands, a relieved sigh escaping his throat as you litter him with kisses. “Yes! I’ll go out with you, a million times yes!”

Zestial:

Mike Who Cheese Hairy

“Good morning, sweetness,” Zestial says, leaning down to look at your shirt when you approach him. “Oh? What art thee wearing today?“

He squints as you stretch it, four words in bold staring back at him: Mike, Who, Cheese, and Hairy. Carmilla’s daughters are trying not to laugh.

“Repeat it and you’ll find out,” You say, a wicked smile on your face.

“Mike…Who…Cheese…Hairy,” Zestial says out loud, still confused. “I don’t understand?”

“Who said ‘My coochie is hairy?’” Carmilla asks as she walks into the room.

“Zestial!” You burst out laughing, but then she throttles you, leaving the older man horrified.