#i can thjnk of rn

[ariverofsongs]

Help I feel like a dick but my friend who's been watching txf for only a month and is on s3 suggested we got matching generic I want to believe tattoos then that her and her fiance will get mulder and scully portraits and yes it's horrible of me but I felt like flipping out for her saying that when txf is my biggest love and the thing that keeps me alive and has done for years and I am just waiting for the right artist and to think of the right design for something that is special to me not just jumping on the train because I've only seen a few episodes. These are the thoughts I struggle with man but I felt so blindsided and like how could u even think about talking to me about something u know is one of my biggest loves and has been so special to meeeeee. Aaaaaaaaaaaa it's horrible to feel horrible about things I guess I have trouble sharing txf with my irl friends because my identity with it is here online and I am so deep in the fandom when she is just surface level. I need help what does everyone else think.

[leechloach]

It's been said a million times before but insulting an aspect of someone's appearance, particularly when they're shitty horrible people, even and especially when they use that aspect to manipulate their victim. if you are the victim of these people and are talking about them. And you mention said aspect negatively. It still really fucking hurts other people who have a similar appearance.

I.e. Me I've been feeling like shit all night About this bc my friend is having problems with people who aren't me but who evidently share aspects of my appearance that I'm insanely self conscious about

[euclydya]

having fun times rn trying to get [Game] to work on cpu

[nomairuins]

anyway things i still must do

1. brush teeth

2. eat probably.

3. switch clothes to dryer

4. the showers

[sw33t-oubliette]

i love the them

[tklpilled]

u said i could so im ALSO going to ask for azujami. ur writing eats so hard im gonna eat u. thanks pookie stay … sometbjng i cant thjnk rn STAY COOL😁

azul is trembling.

"i'm not getting on that," he deadpans. with anyone else, this would leave zero room for argument. azul ashengrotto is not a man to be defied.

but jamil is not anyone else, and so he rolls his eyes. "stop being a baby. get on."

kalim's magic carpet sits beside them, waiting patiently for its passengers. it tilts a little to the side, as though asking what's taking so long.

azul adamantly refuses. "i would rather use a broom. i'm leaving."

jamil grumbles. he is sick and tired of him. he grabs azul's arm, a bit firmer than necessary, and shoves him onto the carpet. azul yelps, wobbling and gripping at the edges of the carpet, eyes wide. he peers over the side as jamil sits in front of him, then winces and shrinks in on himself. "you're flying one way or another," jamil hisses. "i'm tired of teaching you." azul seems too frozen to say anything.

and they're off. azul wraps his arms tightly around jamil's waist, clinging on for dear life. the frames of his glasses press painfully into his back as azul hides his face, and jamil can feel him shaking. it's almost enough to make him feel bad.

"azul," he huffs after a few minutes. he puts his hands over azul's, carefully prying him away, at least to loosen his suffocating hold. "it's fine. look at the view."

slowly, hesitantly, azul lifts his head. he turns up to the sky, pointedly refusing to look downward, and the obvious anxiety in his eyes is washed away by awe. it's kind of endearing.

jamil struggles to take his eyes off the housewarden. "see? it's not that bad."

azul blinks, as though realising where he is. he turns back to jamil, a little less stiff than before. "it's...fine." he coughs, straightening his glasses. "i don't appreciate being forced into this, though."

jamil snorts, looking ahead. "you'd never have done it willingly." azul's hands are still around him.

they both seem to notice this at the same time, but azul doesn't move and jamil doesn't tell him to. instead, azul's fingers press into the soft flesh of jamil's stomach, making him go rigid with a choked sort of gasp.

the carpet, being kalim's property, has long grown used to all sorts of antics, and can stay perfectly stable even while jamil squirms. he finds himself, not for the first time, being extremely grateful for that.

"i really don't like being tricked, jamil," comes azul's voice, suddenly low and sending shivers down jamil's spine. "you should pay one way or another, don't you think?"

"no, i d-dohon't," jamil growls, though he's sure any intimidation is thrown away by his poorly hidden laughter. "stohop this."

azul rests his chin on jamil's shoulder, even his hair tickling jamil's neck as his nails crawl along his torso. jamil giggles and grabs azul's hands, desperately holding himself back lest he falls off. "what, is this your weakness? don't worry, i won't tell anyone...without reason, of course."

"gah, stop ihihit!" jamil cries, curling his body around azul's hands as he succumbs to the sensation. he's giggling freely now, high-pitched and happy, and he hates it. he hates the way azul can so easily draw this kind of reaction from him, hates the feeling of fingers teasingly poking up his sides to find every sensitive spot, hates how damn ticklish he is.

he hates it all, so why doesn't he want it to stop?

[kroosluvr]

swap au stuff that i cant doodle rn bc it’s 6am:

goro confronts akira who looks smug as always. “ok, kurusu. ive had enough of your bullshit, why do you insist on being such a piece of shit towards sumire and i when we’re all fighting for the same thing? your life is on the life too, and your reality.” like are you stupid or just dumb

akira’s smile, ofc, doesn’t falter. “well, i don’t have ulterior motives for everything, you understand. what you see is what you get with me, isn’t that -“ fist slams into the wall next to him. “cut the crap, kurusu. do you care about winning or not?”

his eyes follow goro’s. “not,” he says w emphasis, “really.” then, “does that surprise you? remember:” voice drops to a whisper, “i’m a dead man either way.”

goro’s head spins. this infuriating guy - what the hell, so he’s basically on maruki’s side? “i saw you in leblanc,” goro says. “i saw your wish. what was it now.... to be a normal, well adjusted student? kind, considerate, honest?” with emphasis. “everything you’re not?”

akira looks angry for a second, and it disappears. he clears his throat. “that must have just,” his voice is noticeably less smooth. “been a lapse in. my judgement.”

“so that’s what you’re after?” goro’s voice rises. “that life? you want his reality?”

“what’s in it for me if i fight for this one?” akira screams. “i was conned out of a good life and, and my plan to save myself failed. this-“ pointing at goro, sumire, their surroundings, “this is just cruel. wont even let me rest, yet bringing me back to show me…” voice lowers, “what… maybe, i could have been.”

goro’s quiet. sumire says from the back, “so dr maruki’s using you.”

“what?”

it clicks. “the same way shido did,” goro says.

akira’s face turns cold. “don’t bring that up.” (he'd thought highly of himself, that he and shido were partners and equals in their arrangement, but ofc he was anything but: just a high school kid that shido could pin his crimes on.)

“it’s true, isn’t it?” goro sneers. “maruki is using you to get under our skin… it's sickening, really, turning our friends against us, just to actualize his horrific reality.”

akira doesn’t say anythjng. goro steps back. “you’re stupid,” akira says coldly, “if you really think we were friends at all.”

as he storms off, sumire says, “i told you it’d be a stupid idea.”

goro grits his teeth. “he’s insufferable.” then, “and unfortunately, a perfect pawn.”

—-

i think it’d be interesting since (canon) goro fights for the true reality bc he doesn’t want to allow himself to be puppeted any longer. meanwhile (swap) akira, the trickster, lets the ends justify the means: since he’s a dead man walking, well, fuck it why not let some version of himself be happy for once.

it also drives a harder wedge in royal trio bc now they have to deal w akira third impostoring before they can get thru the palace. maybe in this au they actually start rescuing the thieves before akira comes around (and we get akira boss fight yayyyyy instead of sumire)

also in this au this means sumire knows that akira died in the engine room which is interesting. will have to thjnk on that more later

[mischiefmanifold]

how do I know if I’m medium or high support autistic or low support? especially if my diagnosed level wasn’t rlly correct

wht if some1 tries to do thing yet it causes pain fatigue and they r not able to do it properly even when trying hard so someone does it for them.. like washing drying brushing hair during bath time wht if some1 can’t get themselves up in the morning without help + get self to get places on own and on time, cant make food and proper meals bc of fatigue n exec dys n poor introspection and general not knowing how to use kitchen things or how to cook at all, cant drink/eat enough bc of poor introspection so needs reminders/food fixed for them, needs to be reminded to take med or given it by someone else, has a hard time going in public places alone or w some1 bc the stimuli is overwhelming and disorienting causing dissociation n anxiety etc ..same with driving but dont have a license yet and likely wld get distracted and lost and overwhelmed driving but may be forced to, needs help w tying shoes/things in general and hair but can do some on own/is getting better at it and used to need even more help getting dressed, cant do finance things, bad at taking care of hygiene bc exe dys etc, hasnt had a job yet but may not be able to “successfully/painlessly” have one bc of fatigue etc but may forced to, big sensory issues, not able to handle simple money/math related things AT ALL, sensory issues make it hard to find clothe to wear and options r limited, difficulty communication on calls making appointments + orders + irl orders bc of anxiety + autism communication in general but can speak, cld maybe thjnk of more but idk rn

Sent July 10, 2022

Support needs are determined by bADLs (basic activities of daily living) and iADLS (instrumental activities of daily living). There are five categories of bADLs:

Ambulating - includes the ability to walk, sit, stand, lie down and get up, and climb up and down stairs, both inside and outside your home

Dressing - the ability to dress yourself properly, including using buttons and zippers, selecting appropriate clothing, and putting on the clothes

Feeding - includes the ability to use cutlery and feed yourself

Personal Hygiene - includes brushing your teeth, bathing, shaving, and hair and nail care

Toileting - includes the ability to control your bladder/bowels (continence), use the toilet safely, and clean yourself after use

And there are 12 iADLs:

Managing your finances, including paying your bills, using bank facilities, and planning your expenses

Taking care of your health, including regular doctor visits and following medical prescriptions correctly

Doing your own shopping, including groceries, toiletries, clothing, and other necessities

Prepping and cooking your meals

Managing your transport, including driving vehicles, taking cabs, and using public transport

Using the telephone, mail, email, and other communication devices

Doing household chores like cleaning, gardening, and laundry

Taking care of pets

Caring for children

Looking after others, including supervising caregivers

Maintaining religious practices, hobbies, or other interests

Knowing safety procedures and emergency contacts and responses

The following are also sometimes included in bADL and iADL lists:

Rest and sleep

Education

Work

Play

Leisure

Social participation

There are several tools that can assess one's ability to live independently without harming themself, including the Katz Index (LINK), the Lawton-Brody Scale (LINK), and the Klein-Bell Scale.

Also, @notabled-noodle has a post (LINK) that explains the "criteria" for each of the support needs.

[a-lilypad]

i’m so drunk rn and all i can thjnk about is how much fun it would be to go clubbing with the skittles

[mikadollie]

ijust woke up from a dream where i finally got called out for all the bad shit ive done ( bad in HUGE airquotes btw) aand now i can only thjnk of being nonconned and tthe nonconner tellign me how shit and horrible i am....... mmghnhh

idk hwo would tho,, very tired wnd cant think rn....help

hwehehe.. nonconner listing everything 'bad' whil also beinggross... i get u anonnie... i get u so much................

[ayatoscupid]

To my one and only,

Hello, my love. Now, I don't know how I'll get this letter to you, but I trust it's gotten there safely. I simply couldn't resist the urge to write down how much I love you into a letter. I know you hear it frequently, but surely, it doesn't get tiring knowing how much I absolutely adore you.

Oh, my Cupid, you mean ever so much to me. Dare I say you're the first person I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last before I fall asleep at night? It's true. I can hardly go one hour without seeing something that reminds me of you in some way - you've gone and touched every corner of my world. From seeing your favorite flowers as I walk by a garden to seeing something in your favorite color, I think of you nearly everywhere I look. It brings a smile to my face every time because thinking of you makes me so incredibly happy, my love.

I cannot wait until the next time I may see you and hold you in my arms again. I am counting the seconds, truly, I am. Until then, I shall hold you in my thoughts.

Hopefully, I am in yours as much as you are mine?

Yours, forevermore,

Kaveh

Hey, Cupid! Kaveh asked if I would drop this by your place on the way home. So, here you go! - April [violetsareblue-selfships]

OK OK o k ok. OK. I THINK I CAN ANSWWR THIS NOW.

cute boys when they lose their minds:

i thjnk i’m going insane he’s so- he’s so cheesy adn romantic i wanna smack him but also he’s perfect he’s evwrything i want. he’s so cute HW’S SO CUTE HE’S SO ?!!??! i cant do this anymore scoob. packing my bags to go n give him the biggest smooch rn god bless

april i hopw u know the emotional rollercoaster u’ve brought to me. thank u for delivering this letter ily T____T *frames it on my wall next to the yato letter*

[heavensheal]

hope youre doing well!!!🌟🌟🌟💫💫💫 im glas ủ having fun with cotl rn, fuckk yeahhhhh ‼️‼️‼️‼️💥💥💥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

hi friend pleafy ily!!!!!! You can text me boy. I THJNK YOU DID THE OTHER DAY AND I JUST WOKE UP AND WAS LIKE SOOOO FUCKING TIRED AND WAS LKE what's he saying to me. 😭😭😭

[kusundei]

accidentally fellasleep again bcuz i dont thjnk the. constant 3 hrs of sleep i keep getting thrlughout the week is truly helping me eprchance… but goddd. i have woken up eith a sort of slight feeling of doom . just a little but i notice it enough to care even in the slightest and jt always appears wheneher ajax is around (god forbid i am happiest with him! distracts me from my real problems and when he is gone i am forced to acknowledge my evil side) but goodness. chat. i do i truly love him sososo much with every inch of me.,,, more than i love myself and anything else in the world . perhappps i love him more than ive loved anythinf at all???? im trying tl think ab earljer today w him again to attempt to lift my spirits i mean it is like. five am. goodness i miss him. i feel so odd and clingy sometimes ., perchance that i talk too much becahse god forbid i ever allow myself to do anything without overthinking it after idk. im juustt often filled with so much joy with him and perhaps i am not doing the best in general and i keep pushing it to the side .,,,??

i just am so truly happy with him i never want to acknowledge it. i will fight it for as long as possiblr but goodness i keep feeling it over and over. that overwhelming feeling of just emptiness. perhaps grief and j feel distraught for no reason in particular. dare i mention i am still truly doomed and feel that way , he judt makes everything feel a little easier?? thay perhaps i do have something to look forward to even though everything sucks rn. but honestly you think ab it nothing is truly going on that should be affecting me so badly its just,, the usual,,??? i have no idea perhaps.

dare i discuss more things on my mjnd tonight since its late and im thinking already. we’ll go positive for now perhaps iii. i keep realizing over and over how fucked and doomed me and jd were even from tje start and how i kept having to just deal with things and be okay eith things even prior to us dating?? i mean my rule was alwasy like. love unconditionally. she is your partner. that sort of thing. eith ajax im realizing i dont have to dp that??? hes just there. everything feels so simple and i feel sort of selfish. he puts up w so much and talks ab so much stuff so easily in ehich i know jd wouldve freaked out. lost her mind and started something about. hes just so okay and understanding ab everything i dont believe jt??? i leep trying to be like,,, well hes literally meeee… to try and console myself into the belief but god i cant. bcuz wdym ur okay w rhat. wdym we can talk ab this. wdym you’re COMMUNICATING with me??? wdym i dont have to tweak and you feel bad when i do????? you ask me if im okay and you care???? god forbid i get back the love i give others and for the first time with the person i trulytrulyTRULY am so in love with like. goodness. he is the only light i see every single day. perhaps preventing me from getting wprse and evil bcuz i know myself. i see myself setting myself ul slightly but i digress. im okay. ots just like. hes so unerstanding i dont get it??? but then agajn i am too and hes literally me??? like ige never had a problem w that sort of thing i just knew jd did which strayed me away from so mych to keep her okay but lord do i feel like maybe i could just be honest w him and be okay an communicate. i jist still feel selfish regardless. god forbid i trust him because i NEED TOOOO i will not let my insecurity consume me and get the best of me. my doubts. bcuz i want tl truly believe he is as good and perfect as he is currently??? please ajax do not lie to me. i am begging you. i dont think id be able to handle it happening again and lrt alone if we fall down the same doomed pipeline and its my fault again i dont think id ever be able to recover. maybe perchance i am the one preventing everything. i lie to a degree but im also honest in a way i am not normally. im just trying truly to be honest ab issues and problems w him but god do i feel ph so selfish cuz it is SOOOO early.

speaking of early. i need freaky kusundei to CALM THE FUCK DOWN? ph goddd because no i do truly likr jt chat. perhaps i loveLOVELPVEEEE freaky ajax but then i recall i am truly all talk. intimacy to a REAL degree is ph so horrifying to me thats why i mentjon the… let me at least be comfortable enough to kiss you and hold you freely first - sort of thing. BELIEVE MEEE AJAX. i. want you so bad. i keep talking ab it and being freaky bcuz goodness. like i said i feel a sort of way w you i jave NOT felt before. god fotbid you make mee.,,, ^_^;; .,,,, freaky. its just i know mysrlf and i think i need to calm down. ohhh to be silly and intimate with you and to kiss you till we run out of breath like yoy want and to fufill both of our desires and fantasies but oohhh i am SCAREDDDD. recalling it now goodness sex js soooo fucking scary. let alone the fact i truly have nooooo experience besides i suppose. the one time and then my experience w jd but i wouldnt consider tnag to be able to help meee??,, IDK CHAT. i dont think he’d truly want to especially not this early but god i dont wanna give off the wrong impression. its also so pdd because np i kind of. kinda. want to. NOT PERCHANCEDOIT but jjs tlikke. ohhh to do everything else. i jist dont want to do that and then have it escalate that way but if it did i think id lrpbsbly be okay w it im just looking out formyself. have that weird thing ab feeling. evil snd dirty. god forbid he doesnt make me feel that way and GOD do i maybe want to buuuttt. its been a week. sorry but i do mean it when i say i love the label. i NEEEEED the label and i need it to marinate. feel like im moving tooquickly and im being evil and letting desire get the upper hand on me. its also jjst that i fear ill do it and feel guilty and gross like i have before. as badly as i may want to i just dont know if id be able to rationalize it enough to be okay w that right now??? GOD FORBID IM THINKINFABLHT IT TOO it just keeps popping intl my head. like i am being tormented. but truly kts the way id do anything else idk. hell i think id be okay being at like. the point i was at w jd after those 2 yrs. like erm. i coulf handlr that! its just i think i truly am just a bit opposed to. actual. perchance. penetra..tive………………….. intimacy….. god im a fucking freak i jjst also acknowledge the pain i feel over there regarding it. its been YEARS and goodness it aches sometimes on occasion. i alsp know my body. rejects anything going up so im fearful that iffff heee didddd. it. would not. work..!!!!!!! but. i digress. perhaps jm thinking too much into it like a freak bcuz goodness. believe me ajax you make me INSANE AND CRAZY. ohh to truly do all the things you mention it makes me such a FREAK. god im realizinf how truly impatient i am iiiNEED TOCALM DOWN but i keep just thinking ab sunday . god forbid savannah and her boombayah but idk chat ijj. ummm. IMAFREAK GOD. some things r best left unsaid and implied even on here. just. i do. want to. sososo badly. jts consuming me. ive neher felt want like thjs before and ohhh how j convinced myself i was perchance just losing any and all sexual desire but nope. j dont think i did.! godd i just. erm. the gift messages. no bcuznone of it is truly alluding to sex i just tend to think of it that way. ooohhh to drive each other mad its . ITS OVER IMA FREAK.

[meat-huge-pain-endless]

huge vent post feel free to ignore✌️

tw just in case tho for depression, anxiety, suicide/suicidal ideation, death, disordered eating, drug use, dissociation, depersonalization, and derealization

i need someone to come put a straight jacket on me i ruin everything i fucking touch i don’t want to be a bother but im desperate to be known so i spill my guts just for them to get trampled. and i really do let everyone walk all over me. i assume that every other human being on the planet knows better than me about everything and i will tolerate literally an treatment so long as you’re a little bit nice to me sometimes, or even if you just tell me that you are ill probably believe you. my self esteem is so fucking low plus i can’t ever rlly tell what’s true anymore. my memory is so fucking bad like the amount of times a day i forget what im saying mid-sentence and then forget what i had just said and then forget what i was even talking about in the first place is genuinely embarassing. it’s so fucking humiliating actually like i am so out of it all of the time and i can never tell if it’s bc im dissociating or bc im dehydrated or bc i didn’t sleep or bc i haven’t eaten or bc i forgot to take my adhd meds or bc i hit the pen at 9:30am again or bc i DIDNT hit the pen but i have brain fog from smoking the night before and at this point it’s probably all of it all the time like it is so bad. ive never been worse in my life i don’t think. again i wouldn’t rlly know. all my memories feel a million miles away. im alone in my dorm room rn bc my roommate and our other friend went to our other other friend’s dorm to hang out. if i think about it too hard ill probably start crying. i was crying before they were even out the door.

everyone told me college is where you meet “your people.” the friends you have for the rest of your life. why do i have about 3 friends total (as in i actually hang out with them outside of classes/club meetings/school events/etc) and why do none of them feel like they’re actually my friends. oh wait actually i know why that is. it’s because i don’t feel like im real when im at college. that’s how i felt last year (like school year, and it was awful btw, thought it was the worst year of my life but then this semester happened and now im not so sure) but it just occurred to me that im feeling the same way except this time i wasn’t so alarmed by it bc i got used to it. like this is baseline college feeling for me. the worst part of it all is that everything is actually all my fault. like for real not sarcasm. my anxiety is so fucking severe and i didn’t realize it at all until recently when i started having more frequent panic attacks. i cry most days. i hyperventilate way too easily. i walk thru the world just going about my everyday life with the anxiety levels of an animal being hunted for sport. like literally if i accidentally do something wrong in public like the smallest tiniest stupidest mistake like pushing on a pull door or something i get so embarrassed it like so very seriously and genuinely the idea of people thinking that im stupid or laughing at me makes me want to die like seriously kill myself dead and i cannot overstate that im so scared of what people thjnk of me all the time.

oh and did i mention i also literally never stop thinking? overanalyzing everything i do and say and everything everyone else does and says to me and im always worried that my friends hate me or secretly think im an awful person or im thinking about things that they might potentially hate me for later down the line and sometimes i try to preemptively circumvent that by randomly being like “hey if i ever [insert thing im worried might potentially make them not like me anymore] just know that it’s not because [reason i think it might make them potentially not like me]” OH and i also all the time will ask my friends if they think im a bad person which is like so insane of me actually like why the fuck do i do that THIS IS WHAT I MEANT AT THE BEGINNING!!!! PUT ME IN A STRAIGHTJACKET CUT OFF MY GODDAMN HANDS JUST PLEASE DO SOMETHJNG because no matter what i fucking do i always end up crawling to SOMEONE to beg them for reassurance or tell them something that will make them worry about me (sometimes im not even aware im doing that one!) because i just need someone to care. i need someone to care about me or else im not real. (i feel like i only exist contextually but i don’t have time to get into all that right now). but then i get embarrassed for needing something. the fact that i have needs and wants and desires is the most embarrassing thing in the world. asking for what i want and need is the most mortifying torturous experience in the world. i hate being vulnerable.

i want to be cared for without judgement. i want to stop feeling like i am hard to like and even harder to love. i want to stop feeling tired all the time. i want to stop feeling miserable all the time. i want to feel like im real, like i actually exist. i don’t want to die, but i don’t want to live either. i think the only thing about death that still scares me is the fact that i would have to go alone. but the idea of infinite nothingness sounds like a dream. it’s so loud in my head all the time. i just want it all to stop.

[zushimart]

🍥 <3

i thjnk the feeling is my fav rn . i think the pacing is consistent and the prose is concise & flows well. i struggle a lot with describing setting & figuring out where to put that , but when i do inreally like the image it evokes like this para:

“

”

like i can see that in my head. it could be a bit more descriptive or spread out amongst the rest of it but for the length of the piece i think its ok . Def improving. IDK ITS LIKE short and sweet and fluffy and im proud of it even in the technical sense. ^__^