#i can thank the baby for that once we both make it out alive ig

[alexandrium]

my mental health has been in shambles lately but it's mostly bc hormonal changes and being confronted with the bitter reality death

[yourmidnightlover]

three, four squeezes

Summary- spencer finds watches you take what he thought was your last breath. turns out they weren't, but you're now in a coma. 

TW: coma, fem!reader, spencer pining, angst/fluff ig?, blood, gunshot

WC- 5,681

masterlist

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guilt.

regret.

pain.

fear.

spencer couldn't stop fiddling between as he rode with you in the back of the ambulance.

the guilt he felt as he realized that everything was his doing, his fault. if he wouldn't have froze and if he would've told you how he felt neither of you would be in this position.

the regret he had of never telling you how he felt. he never got to hold you as more than best friends and kiss you like he's wanted to so, so, so many times.

the pain of seeing you in so much pain. and the fear that worsened when you accepted the fact that you would die in his arms

the fear that the last time he held you was when you confessed your darkest secret to him. you never got to hear him tell you how much he truly loved you.

he took your much smaller hand in both of his and pressed it close to his chest, right on top of his heart as if he was trying to tell you what his heart had tried to make him.

he froze.

he shouldn't have froze.

he should've held you and told you how much he loved you. how much he wanted you. how much he's always wanted you.

he should've kissed you and never let you out of his sight. because maybe, just maybe, if he hadn't let you go then you would have never gotten hurt.

he was the reason you were dying.

he was lost in thought when the holter monitor held a steady, long beep. you had flatlined.

-

you felt the warmth radiating over your skin as you shifted in your position to sit up. you took in your surroundings.

you were in an endless pasture, filled with tall grass that would reach your knees if you had stood up. the sky was perfect, clear, baby blue color that you haven't seen in a while. you were laying on a red blanket with a picnic basket by your side.

the smell of fresh flowers and fresh grass filled your nose. the calming scent bringing you the peace that radiated around you as you observed further into this place.

you had on a flowy, pastel purple sun dress and a pair of white flats on. you turned your head to the side, only to notice you weren't alone.

"spencer!" you cheered excitedly as you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him into your touch. "you're here," you breathed out.

"i am here," you felt the vibrations of his chuckle. "but you shouldn't be here."

you pulled back and looked at him confused. "wh-why not?"

"because," he pushed a strand of hair out of your face as he gazed into your eyes. "you need to go back, sweetheart."

a rush of memories flooded your brain.

you confessed your past, your regret, your love.

he didn't love you back.

you were shot.

"i... i don't want to go back," you admitted with furrowed brows. "i want to stay here. with you."

he looked at you with what seemed to be pity. he scooted closer to you and wrapped his arm around you to pull you closer to his body.

"you can be with me back there. you know that," he said as he rested his chin on the top of your head.

"no, i won't. not-" you took a deep breath, "not like this."

"but this isn't even real. i'm just a figment of your imagination. you're disassociating with your body, and i'm your safe place," he said nonchalantly, as if hearing that didn't break your heart even more.

"but i want to be with you, spence. i've ruined everything out there. you don't want me," you spilled, letting a tear slip past your eye and down your cheek.

"i will always want you, y/n. always," he assured you as he pressed a kiss to your hairline.

"how do you know?" you looked up at him with pleading eyes.

"because i'm a genius. remember, sweetheart?" he chuckled.

"promise me?" you said as you turned around and held his hand, squeezing it in anticipation.

"i promise. go back, y/n. you need to go back." he repeated.

"not yet. just a little longer with you, please. just a little longer with you," you pleaded.

-

spencer had to let go of your hand so the doctors could get the defibrillator. he began shaking before he told himself to be strong. he had to be strong for you.

"please don't leave me..." he prayed for the first time in a while to a god he wasn't even sure he believed in. "don't die on me."

one of the paramedics ripped your shirt open so they could begin to start the chest compressions. spencer hated seeing you so helpless, lifeless, hopeless.

"charge to 260!" one of the doctors yelled before yelling clear and connecting it to your skin.

nothing.

"charge to 350!" she pressed it to your chest and abdomen one more time.

suddenly the monitor began beeping steadily again. you were alive. not okay, but you were breathing.

you had a heartbeat again.

you weren't leaving him yet.

"oh thank god!" he exclaimed as he watched the paramedics leave your side, allowing him to fill their void. he took hold of your hand once again and pressed his lips to it as he watched the paramedic on the other side of you monitoring everything going on with your status.

"thank you, y/n. thank you so much," he placed another kiss on your knuckles as he used his to wipe his tears away.

when you had made it to the hospital he decided to finally call morgan and garcia. he would let them know what happened, minus the whole love confession part, and ask them to alert the rest of the team.

morgan replied in asking if she was okay, and asked for the details later when he got there. garcia was just rushing to get out of her apartment and to the hospital to check on her 'little cherry blossom.'

garcia got there first no doubt breaking a few speed limits in the process, but he didn't mind because now he wouldn't be alone with his own mind. she engulfed spencer in her arms and let him sob it out as she did the same. she didn't ask what happened, she knew he would tell her when he was ready.

morgan took a bit longer, surprisingly. although, in his defense, he did live on the other side of town. upon arrival, he just placed a firm hand on spencer's shoulder and sat beside him in a seat, silently providing his own comfort.

jj was next to arrive. she was already in tears when garcia had called her to make her aware of the news. she gave spencer a tight hug before sitting beside garcia.

when emily got there she raced to jj to ask if they had any information yet, they didn't. she checked on spencer, making sure he wasn't losing his mind completely. she finally settled down and sat beside jj, placing a comforting hand on top of hers.

rossi and hotch arrived at the same time, they were both working late, finishing a few extra case files. they went around comforting the rest of the team, and made sure to pay extra attention to spencer.

everyone knew how close the two of you were. you were like bonnie and clyde, but rather you both solved crime instead of ensuing it. and they knew how much it pained him to see her in pain. even on cases when she would get wounded, spencer would pay the utmost care and attention to you.

spencer didn't say a word. he didn't say what happened. nobody asked. they sat in silence, with almost constant tears from the fear of losing you, waiting for answers to how you were doing.

after a few more hours, jj decided to ask the doctor yet again on any updates on your condition. she quietly got up after letting go of emily's hand and walked over to the front desk.

"ma'am," jj asked the receptionist, "is there any update on y/n y/l/n and her surgery. it's been a few hours now and we're getting wo-"

"y/n y/l/n?" a doctor came into the waiting room holding a clipboard, waiting for someone to claim her company.

spencer jumped up from his seat when he heard her name. everyone had refrained from using in fear of striking something in spencer. they didn't want to upset him more than he already was, so they just kept their mouths shut.

"yes?" he excitedly asked, feeling the sweat in his hands and the exhaustion overwhelming his body.

"she's out of surgery now. she's in a stable condition, but there's some bad news," the doctor grimaced as the others waited expectantly for the rest of the news. "she had a prolonged period of time without oxygen to her brain, she's now in a coma. we aren't sure when she'll wake up," the doctor finally spewed out. "you can go visit her now. maybe one at a time so she can decipher who's who. she can hear what you say, so make it positive and encouraging," he concluded.

spencer looked back at the team, waiting for them to signal that he could go visit her before following the doctor to your room.

spencer walked inside and saw you lying there, lifeless while barely alive. and it was all his fault. you told him it wasn't his fault. in what you thought were your last moments, you wanted him to be at ease. while you were bleeding out from his stupidity, you still claimed your love that he never told you he returned.

and for that he would never forgive himself.

oh, what he would give to hear your laugh again. to see your smile, feel your touch, smell your hair once more. he wanted you back.

so he did the only thing he could do. he sat by your side and grabbed your hand for the millionth time and held it to his cheek, trying to feel your warmth.

"hi, y/n," he started off, deciding to give this whole 'encouragement' thing a try. "there are a lot of studies on whether or not someone can hear whilst their in a coma, but i'm going to try it anyway," he tool a deep breath.

"you're the strongest woman i know, and i meant it when i told you that earlier tonight. i know that you can get through this. i want you to know that i'll be here for you every step of the way. i promise. i-i'll take off every day until you wake up. i have to take a sabbatical anyway, so i can just ask them if i can take it early. if i can't then i'll make garcia come here every single day and i'll call her so you can hear my voice," the tears filled his eyes once again.

"i-i need you here with me, y/n. please," he begged for what felt like the millionth time that night.

"spence," jj called from the doorway. "would you mind if we all talked to her for a minute? then you can come back? i need to get back to my boys now that i know she's going to be okay," she said with a bit of guilt at the thought of her being able to go home.

home to her husband and children.

y/n has always wanted children. she'd be such an amazing wife, and an even better mother. spencer wanted the chance to witness her being a mother first hand, and maybe even being the mother to his own children.

he wanted to give her everything she's ever wanted. he wanted to stay with her until he was forced to have to leave.

truth be told, the day you walked into the bau, you changed his life forever and he didn't even know it. he thought it was just going to be another temporary fill in, until you performed so well at your job that the bau just had to hire you permanently.

you're so amazing at everything you do. everything you've ever done. you always push yourself to be and do your best, something spencer has grown to love and admire you for.

so he just hopes you have a reason to fight. a reason to fight for your life, to fight for him. he hopes that you have hope.

"yea, of course," he pressed his lips to your knuckles one more time before leaving the room, hugging jj on the way out.

garcia was right outside the door, waiting for spencer to come out so she could give him a hug. she wrapped her arms around his torso as his went around her shoulders.

"she's strong, spencer. she'll get through this," garcia tried to comfort him.

"you should've heard her. she-she sounded like she was ready to give up hen she was lying there, bleeding out on the ground," spencer pulled back to look at garcia. "i can't lose her. n-not now."

"you won't lose her," she placed a comforting hand on his shoulder before he nodded to her and walked back into the waiting room, being met by emily's own embrace.

"i'm not gonna tell you how strong she is, because i think we all know that by now. but you can talk to me, reid. that's what you have to know. you can talk to any of us," she consoled before pulling back, her hands still gripping his shoulders tightly.

"sh-she told me she was in love with me," he said out loud for the first time.

"what?" emily's eyes widened at the realization before she pulled his hand to go into an empty room. "explain, please?"

"she told me she was in love with me," he repeated. "and i froze," he sighed.

"you froze? what do you mean? i thought you loved her too?" she pondered, a confused look clouding her face.

"how'd you know that? and yea, i do love her. i love her so much it hurts," he looked down at his feet. "i didn't say it back because i couldn't believe it was happening. i-i mean have you seen her? she's the definition of perfect and she said she loves me."

"oh, spencer," she said before giving him another hug, allowing him to break down in her arms.

"she walked out after that," he grimaced. "when i started walking back to my place that's when i heard the gunshot and called the ambulance. then i noticed it was her and i broke. it's my fault she was out there. if i would've told her how i felt she would've been in my arms and safe. instead, she's in a coma because i was too confused to say anything," he vented.

"it's not your fault, reid. you have to know that," she said before pulling back. "it's the guy who shot her's fault. not yours. you didn't pull the trigger."

"i might as well have. she doesn't know how i'm in love with her," spencer whined, feeling more hopeless than he did when he was kidnapped and drugged.

because at least then, he knew the team would be coming for him.

but he didn't know if you ever wanted to come back.

when you were lying there, dying, it was like you were saying goodbye as he held you in his lap. his hands, pants, and even shirt were covered in your blood.

he hadn't even noticed. he didn't care to notice. you were the only thing on his mind. everyone else knew he wouldn't leave without knowing your condition, so they didn't bother telling him to go clean up. emily noticed him eyeing his own appearance.

"go change. i'll call you if we have any updates. relax, please. she's not going to leave you," emily said before shooing him away to clean up.

spencer went to his place to change quickly and take a shower after morgan gave him his hoodie to wear on the drive there. meanwhile, emily walked out into the waiting room and took notice of morgan in his own worry.

"she'll fight. we know she will," emily confirmed as she walked to sit beside him.

"i know she will, but i'm also worried about the kid," morgan moved his head out of his hands as he looked at emily. "he told me how he was in love with her. and i'm willing to bet this has something to do with that. he's been through so much, he doesn't deserve to lose another person in his life."

"i know, you're right. he doesn't deserve this, nobody does, but he especially doesn't deserve this," emily said as she put her hand over his back, rubbing it soothingly.

"i'm gonna see if i can have my turn talking to y/n," he stood up and walked to your room, taking notice of jj still inside and penelope waiting patiently.

he wrapped his arms around garcia and let her cry as jj finished up inside before exiting and saying her goodbyes to everyone, allowing penelope to have her turn to talk with you.

showering helped spencer more than he thought it would. being covered in your blood was more frightening than he thought, so seeing his own skin on his hands was much easier for him.

he drove himself back to the hospital, wanting to avoid more prying eyes of cab drivers taking notice of his obvious grief and panic.

when he walked inside, hotch was inside your room with rossi, despite the 'one-person-at-a-time' rule. he knocked on the outside of the doorframe, alerting the two of his presence.

"kid. hey," rossi came up to greet him, giving him a quick hug before hotch did the same.

"reid, we know how close you two are, so just know that she's probably fighting to get back to you, the rest of us too, but especially you," hotch declared with a pity grin.

"i hope you're right," he glanced back in the room to look at you. "i really hope you're right."

spencer walked back into your room after the two older men left. he scooted the chair closer to your bed and held your hand. he crossed his arms on top of your bed, your hand still in his, and laid his head down on his arms.

he waited.

and waited.

and waited.

there was no progress.

he wanted you to come back to him. he wanted to feel your touch again and hear your laugh. he wanted to tell you how he felt. he just wanted you.

he was able to work at home on the few cases they received, and took his paperwork to your hospital room when he wasn't able to finish it as quickly as normal.

as the weeks went by, his hope began to dwindle, but his determination only grew. he was determined to be able to tell you how much he loved you while you were awake, so he refrained from spilling his guts while you were still unconscious.

he would read you books. your favorite books. the books you would ask him to read to you when you were feeling sad and wanted to hear his voice to calm you down.

he played your favorite songs. the songs you and him listened to on the way to work or to museums he would beg you to go to with him.

he even played chess with you. granted, he was more so playing himself acting as you. he would try to play whatever moves he felt you would play against him.

he cried with you. he cried for you to come back to him. he cried that you never stop fighting. he cried that he would get at least one more time to talk to you.

but one day the doctors noticed that you were able to breath on your own. they were able to take the tube out of your mouth and throat and nose. that was his hope. your strength was his hope.

he sped to the hospital that day, wanting to see you as soon as he could. it had been three weeks since the shooting, and he desperately needed the sight of your chest moving up and down voluntarily, a sign of your own breath breathing life into your body.

emily just nodded her head at him to go when he stormed into her office, she had received the same call seconds earlier.

when he came into your room, he as already in tears at the new progress. he brushed your hair out of your face and pressed a kiss to your forehead.

"keep fighting, y/n/n. you're so close to coming back to me, to us, to the team. please keep going," he begged as he sat down by your side. "i got the call about you being able to breath on your own, and i ran into emily's office. she didn't even need to say anything, she knew it was you," he smiled momentarily.

"i can't wait to be able to hug you again, and feel your warmth again. i uhm, i never told you this, but we've kissed," he smiled at the memory. "it was that night you were drunk and told me about your parents. you had kissed me after i told you how beautiful and amazing you were, and how wrong your parents were. i kissed you back, too," he gently bit his lip at the confession. "i-i didn't tell you because... i shouldn't have kissed you back. god, i've always wanted to kiss you, but not when you were drunk and vulnerable. i felt like i took advantage of you, and i hated that i did that to you. so, i never told you," he frowned at the hidden secret.

"but please, please, please come back to me. please let me kiss you for real this time. let me tell you how i feel, and hold you forever and ever. please just don't leave me. i won't be able to take that, y/n. i know how selfish that is, but i can't live without you. these past few weeks without hearing your voice has been hell," he frowned.

he had called your phone every day since the shooting just to hear your voice on the voicemail. those 29 words have been one of the things he's loved listening to when he woke up. he'd never admit it, but you'd realize it once you checked your phone.

another thing he loved doing was look through his videos of you. in one particular video, maybe even his favorite, you had taken his phone and began recording him on it.

you knew he hated his own appearance, although you'd never understand why, so you secretly took his phone and began recording him.

"hey spence! can you come here?" you called as you were in the living room, waiting for him to bring you your chicken tandoori.

"yup! i'm coming!" he came racing out with the two boxes of takeout, giving you one as he sat on the couch. he didn't even notice the phone with how you placed it in your hands.

"thanks handsome," you teased, although you meant every word you said. his face automatically blushed at the compliment, but he rolled his eyes nonetheless.

"oh, shut it," he said before stuffing a piece of chicken in his mouth. you giggled at his reaction, his favorite sound in the world.

"never. i don't know why you think you aren't attractive. you're so beautiful, spence, i'm surprised you don't already have a special someone," you nudged him with your elbow, the phone now being rested against your thigh to get a perfect view of him. you could see the smile he tried to hide by biting his lip gently.

"but i guess that does mean i get to spend more time with you, so i won't object," you laughed out before finally taking a bite of the food.

spencer noticed the phone on your thigh after you took a bite, his eyes widening at what he realized you were doing.

"y/n! why were you recording me?!" he exclaimed, trying to grab the phone and succeeding. he turned the camera on to you as you began laughing loudly at his reaction. "what do you have to say for yourself, ma'am?" he questioned.

your smile was brighter than ever, your face red from all the laughing. you were wearing one of spencer's sweaters, your favorite one. you had taken a couple because 'they're cozier' than yours. you put your hands up in surrender.

"i guess you caught me, hot stuff," you laughed before he placed the phone down and began his tickle attack on you. "ahhh! spencerrrr! please!" you laughed out. "i surrender!" tears of laughter were streaming down your face.

"fine. i think you've paid your penance," he joked before grabbing the phone and turning the camera on only you once again, you blushing from the action. "y'know you're really beautiful, right?" you smiled widely at his confession, sensing the sincerity in his voice.

"thank you, spencer. so are you, truly beautiful," you smiled even wider before he finally turned the camera off.

he remembers that day like it was yesterday. he'd like to claim it was because of his eidetic memory, but it was also because of you.

you had gotten the weekend off and decided to spend it together, once again. you had stayed the night with him all weekend, you insisted on sleeping on the couch to which he objected, forcing you to take the bed with him.

you had woken up cuddled in each others arms, facing each other like you had been hugging the whole night. spencer felt the most content he had ever felt in that moment, never wanting to let you go or wake you, so he waited for you to wake up.

that was the best weekend he's had in a while. you two acted as if you were in a relationship, domestic. it was delightful.

there was another picture the two of you had taken after a rather successful case.

all the missing children were found safe, a rare occurrence, so you had gone out to a bar to celebrate. it was mostly emily, morgan, and garcia's doing, so you had all eventually agreed once you figured out they wouldn't back down.

you had known how spencer was at bars, he was sometimes rather uncomfortable with all of the people. it made him anxious and a bit intimidated. so after you had all met up at the bar and you noticed how nervous he was, you intertwined your arms and took his hand in yours.

"my mom used to do this thing when i was anxious or nervous to calm me down," you whispered, wrapping your other arm around his one as you squeezed his hand three times. "it's supposed to be our way of assuring the other. a way of saying i'm here," you explained before he squeezed four times in return, your brows furrowed. "what does that mean?"

"i-it could mean i'm glad you're here," he grinned as he noticed the smile that erupted on your face from his kind words.

and you didn't let go all night.

"please come back to me, i know you can. you're so strong, please just come back to me," spencer wailed. he felt your hand squeezing his as he held it, making his encouragement the entire reason you came back to him.

-

"spence, you're making a mess," you giggled, wiping the corner of his lip free of the chocolate you two were eating, still in that heavenly place.

"i'm sorry! it just tastes really good," he smiled back as he watched you lick the chocolate from your thumb.

"mm, you're right. it does taste really good," you nodded your head. "so i'm taking all of them!" you grabbed the box full of chocolate and began running. looking back to see spencer chasing after you, you bursted into a fit of laughter.

the tall grass tickled your legs slightly, the breeze lifting your dress a tiny bit as you continued to jog ahead of him, teasing him with your laughter. he finally caught up with you, taking you down with him as you both giggled.

“you got me, dork,” you laughed, pushing his shoulder lightly. 

“of course i do! did you expect anything less?” he said arrogantly, you rolled your eyes. 

“never from you, doctor,” you teased as he pulled you in closer to him, you nuzzled your face into his neck as he admired the view around him. suddenly he stood up, the chocolate box in hand, and began running. 

“you little tease!” you shouted before getting up to chase him as he did you previously. “spencer reid, you’re so gonna get it!” you laughed out

"don’t leave me," he turned around to face you and called out, suddenly you felt a pang in your stomach where you had been stabbed.

you made eye contact with him, a look of shock and horror on your face as you tried to figure out what was wrong before you collapsed to the ground.

"sp-spencer? what's happening?" you asked as he pulled you into his lap.

"it's been two weeks y/n, i-i miss you." he began. "i know you're right here with me, but i miss your voice. and your laugh-"

"spencer i'm right here. i was just laughing with you," you tried to interrupt his monologue.

"and i miss the way your hair would crowd my face as we slept and how it would make me wake up. i miss hugging you and-"

"spencer please, i'm here," you cried, squeezing his hand as hard as you could to signify your presence.

"please come back to me, i know you can. you're so strong, please just come back to me."

-

"y/n! can you hear me?!" he exclaimed, you squeezed his hand once more, a little tighter than the last time. "oh my god! oh thank you so much, y/n," he cried as he kissed your knuckles once more, your fingers twitching in the process.

"doctor. we need the doctor!" he said as he pressed the nurse's button. "she's squeezing my hand. her fingers started twitching!" he said excitedly as the nurse entered, exiting to get the doctor.

you squeezed his hands three times, him returning with four times. you understood what he meant. his eyes were trained on your face and he saw as your lips twitched upwards in a smile.

the doctor came in to perform a few tests and forced him to release your hand. he asked you to squeeze his hand once more, you followed suit. the doctor noticed your nose twitching and neck beginning to turn.

"she's gaining control over her body again. this was predicted once we found out she could breath on her own, we just didn't think it'd happen this quickly. a recovery this soon after removing the tube is almost unprecedented," he said in awe of your strength.

"she's the strongest person i know. it's no surprise that she's recovering this fast," spencer said as he took hold of your hand again.

"indeed. she should regain full control over herself within a few hours or by overnight at this point. go easy on her, she's still recovering from being shot. i also need to observe the bullet hole on her stomach, but you could stay for that if you'd like." spencer nodded as the doctor raised the hospital gown.

there was deep bruising around the bullet hole and a scab over top. your stomach looked smaller than it had the last time he'd seen it, a result from you having to be fed through a tube. you were unbelievably pale, no surprise there either because of the lack of sunlight.

"it's healing nicely, the scab looks healthy and the bruising is getting better. she's a fighter, this one," he smiled at spencer.

"you have absolutely no idea," he said, not breaking his eyes from your beautiful face.

the doctor left swiftly after charting her vitals and giving her a shot of her vitamins. spencer sat back down in the chair and held your hand once again, waiting for you to fully wake up so you could once again be in each others' arms.

later that day, at around 11:50, your entire body began shifting. spencer sat up straight away, trying to held you in any way possible.

"that's it, y/n! come on, you can do it, y/n/n," he cheered you on, smiling so hard he felt his eyes prick with tears. you turned onto your side, towards spencer, and your eyes had began to twitch open.

"sp-spencer?" you questioned once your eyes were fully open.

"yea, yes. it's me. i'm here. i'm right here," he wrapped his arms around you, adjusting his grip after you grimaced from his tight hold. "i'm never leaving. i'm never letting you leave again," he ranted out, placing a hand on the back of your head as you wrapped the arm that didn't have an iv around his body, pushing your head to nuzzle into his neck.

"i'm so sorry. i never should've left you there," you cried into his arms.

"it's okay, y/n. it's not your fault at all," he soothed as his hand started stroking your hair gently. "i'm so glad you came back to me. thank you so much," he sighed as he gently placed a kiss on your head."

"you really think i would go that easily? i thought you knew me better than that, dumbo," you laughed out.

"i'm glad to see you still have that sense of humor in you," spencer scoffed, followed by a bright smile.

"oh that's not going anwhere, spencer. and neither am i."

@averyhotchner  @greenprisca  @muffin-cup​

[theglitterypages]

Hi! I’m a new follower so i’m not quite sure if you accept requests now but if u do! i have this request that i think would be really nice!

I just read ur one shot called “behind the scenes” and i literally fell in love with it! I was thinking if you could do a sequel or part two where levi and reader talk about what he said in the interview and come to terms with their feelings for each other and then he says that they will take it slow and court reader properly.

After that, they would have like cute moments together like, she goes live on ig or such and he join and then flirts with her through the comment section 😆🥰 they have like small dates. And then when they film again for the next season, the other actors will ask what’s the deal with the both of them and Levi says he’s courting reader ><

Just a thought hehe i hope you have a great day!

Title: Behind The Scenes Part Two

Pairings: Levi x fem! Reader

Warnings: None

Word Count: 3000

A/N: Hello darling, I'm so sorry it took me so long to respond, I've been a little busy in cleaning our house these days and I'm trying to spend less time using gadgets that's why I rarely find time to write. Anyways, I hope you'll like this one. This is not proofread so Expect many errors, I will edit this in no time. Thanks for requesting dearie💗💗💗

Read Part 1 Here

°°°°°

“Let's see each other next season! Good luck on your upcoming projects especially you Miss Marvel!” Zeke walked towards you and hugged you tight.

The whole cast just finished eating dinner, it was a dinner filled of laughter, the whole cast talked about the days on set, the silly things and other stuffs. Throughout the years of filming attack on titan, every one became each other's best friends and every time the filming are finished it's kinda sad because it will take time before you guys start filming together again.

“Goodnight everyone!”

Levi guided you towards the parking lot, his car was parked beside Eren who's now opening the door for Mikasa. “Drive straight my sister home, it's late.” Eren nodded and saluted to Levi before he climbed up the car and drove off.

Levi, on the other hand also opened the door of the car for you before he entered the car himself.

••••

“Thanks for driving me home, Lev. Do you want go inside for some tea?”

“It's fine, I don't wanna keep you up. We barely had enough time to sleep these days because of the promotions and stuffs.�� Despite of saying that Levi is still standing in front of you, his eyes are full of hesitation and he kept opening his mouth just to pursed his lips together again as if holding himself back.

You are holding yourself back as well, you wanted to talk about what he said on the interview, you wanted to make things clear but you're too scared to do so.

Levi is a man who's hard to read, you wouldn't know if what he's saying is for the sake of fun or it is because he meant it.

Maybe he said that because you two are good friends, right, that's the only logical reason that popped into your mind.

You smiled fakely, trying to hide your disappointment to the fact that he's not gonna say anything, you get ready to turn your back on him to go inside your house but Levi suddenly held your hand, causing you to look back at him with wide eyes, “W-What is it?” you stammered.

“I mean it.”

“You mean what?”

Your heart is beating so fast, you're suddenly wondering it is because of Levi or it is because you have a heart problem.

Levi sighed and squeezed your hand gently as he looked into your eyes, he prepared himself a lot of times already but why is he getting afraid all the time?

He wanted to say it, say that this is more than just a friendship, that this is more than a job, that what he's doing is not a publicity stunt but he's tongue-tied. His mind went blank the moment he met your gaze, everything that he practiced before all of this has gone into the abyss.

But if he won't take a step forward, he'll always be at the same place and he wouldn't want that.

“I like you—no scratch that, I'm in love with you.”

“We had no liquor earlier so you can't be drunk. I have no times for jokes right now Lev.” you wanted to say that you like him too but what if this is just a joke? Can you afford to lose the friendship you to has?

Levi took a deep breath before he slowly nipped your chin and leaned down, his lips almost touching yours. “I know this is ridiculous but I..fell in love with you. At first I thought it was just because I'm portraying a man who's possibly in love with your character but as time passes by, I realized I'm not portraying Levi's feelings anymore.” he closed his eyes and gulped hard, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he do so.

“On Erwin's last day on shoot, I've realized that my remaining time with you are short and I realized that I'm not ready to let all of this end just like that.”

Flashback

“Okay so Levi you'll be choosing between Armin and Erwin, you know what to do just show us that you're heartbroken without obviously doing it and then once Samantha and Hanji came in look at Samantha with a face of relief, because in this scene Levi is glad to see her alive.” Levi nodded to the director, the make up artists put more fake bloods all over his face and when he sat nearby Erwin, the latter opened his eyes.

“Come on, man. Loosen up, the camera's not yet rolling.” Erwin smiled, Levi is a passionate actor and he gives his best in his craft, this series for example, Levi doesn't have any stunt doubles, he learned martial arts for the role and he did great portraying Levi Ackerman.

“Lights, Camera, Action!”

The scene went well and everyone cheered since this is the last day of filming for Erwin's character, Armin immediately hugged his older co-actor, Jean and Connie did the same while Mikasa and Sasha are clapping and smiling at the production team.

You and Levi are standing side by side behind Erwin, “This is sad.” you commented while Levi sighed beside you, “Imagine what my old guy feels.” Levi told you referring to his character in the series, you shrugged your shoulders and walked towards Erwin to hug him.

“You're the best, Commander Erwin.” you smiled and did the salute in the series before chuckling, “Shinzou wo Sasageyo!” you told him and the other actors heard you, everyone started doing the salute and shouted, “Shinzou wo Sasageyo!” Erwin looked around and smiled at everyone.

“Oh come on! It's not like I'm real dead, it's just my character.”

That wraps up the filming that day, while everyone was busy taking pictures with Erwin because this is his last day, Levi remained watching the whole cast from afar.

His eyes landed on you as you cry hugging Erwin, telling him that you'll miss working with him.

That was when Levi had come to realize that once this series is finished, he will never be ready to share the last moment on and off screen with you.

He's been working in this industry for a long time, not all friendships formed in work could last after a project is done, that was one of the reason why he's doing his best not to get attached especially in leading ladies but right now, for working so long with these whole cast it is inevitable to be attached to someone so similar to him yet different in other ways.

A small smile made its way across his lips as he see you laugh with the casts as you stood beside his sister.

One thing has come to his mind at that moment, he will never be ready to let you go.

End of Flashback

“I don't want to pressure you or anything. We can take it slow, I'm ready to court you properly, I haven't done any of that before but I'll do everything...let's just give it a try.”

All you could do was stare at him, blinking slowly as you tried processing everything he said, it was surprising to see him tremble like this, you can feel how cold his hands are and how his eyes are glassy because of the tears forming at the corner of his eyes.

“Well...I like you too but we'll take things slow, right? I don't want any of us to be hurt.”

“I understand—wait, what? You like me too?”

“Should I take that back?”

“No!”

You yelped with surprise when he hugged you tightly, his arms wrapped around you as he whisper sweet nothings on your ear.

“Levi it's too tight.” you giggled and he immediately pulled away, his cheeks are red so are his ears, he's cute with that blush but the way he smiled at you makes you feel like you've won the lottery, who knew you could see the Levi Cold Ackerman smile like this?

“I promise, I'll do my best.” he told you before pressing his lips on your forehead.

••••••

“Miss Y/N? Ahm the show asked if you could go live on Instagram to entertain the fans and inform them that you'll be in the Night Show.” you smiled at the staff and took the tablet in her hands since you'll be using the show's account to go live.

You started the live while your hairstylist is still fixing your hair, “As you guys can see my beloved hairstylist is not yet done fixing my hair, I will be at the Night Show! Oh my gosh I don't know what to say next, I'm just gonna read the comments.” your hairstylist laughed at your silliness and took a glance on the screen before turning her attention back to your hair.

“Okay, @ynsupremacy says she's been waiting for me to appear on the show. Oh thank you very much dearie! I've always wanted to be here too thanks for your support.”

“Oh my gosh take it easy babes, I can't read everything in just one go.”

You scrolled through the comments and sees a familiar username, “Someone deadass spammed the comment section you guys, Levi you little bastard stop spamming. Let my babies talk to me.” you narrowed your eyes at the screen before reading Levi's comment.

“I can't believe Angels go live on Instagram, says @captainlev.”

You looked back at your hairstylist after hearing her read Levi's comment, you blushed and she laughed at your reaction before shaking her head. “What? I was just reading. Nice on Captain Lev!” she smirked at the camera before looking back at you.

“I'll be back in a minute.” she said before walking out of the room.

You could still see Levi's comments but you did your best to ignore it so you could talk to your fans. “Hello @erenlegalwife happy birthday! I'm gonna tell Eren that it's his legal wife's birthday.” you chuckled. It's amusing to see their usernames, the comments are also hilarious but there are some bashers in the comments. You didn't mind them and just proceeded in interacting with your fans.

Another comment was shown but before you could even read it someone covered your eyes and you squealed, you removed their hands off your eyes and when you looked back you gasped in surprise.

“You kept on ignoring my comments, meanie.” Levi smirked as he opened his arms, asking for a hug and when you're too slow to hug him he's the one to walk towards you and hug you tight as he laughed loudly. “I scared you big time didn't I?” he teased.

You hit his back and pullled away from the hug. “God, I hate you.” it's been two months since you two confessed to each other, just like what he said, you two are taking it slow.

You guys are going out on dates from time to time yet there's no official relationship status, you didn't need the label actually, you're sure Levi wouldn't break your heart or anything, you just want to enjoy every time that you're with him.

“Okay, Levi will be joining us too but believe me I have no idea that he's a guest as well.” you told the fans as they ask you in the comment section.

“Figured I gotta surprise you, it's much better this way right?”

“You told me you're filming for that movie, big liar.”

Levi laughed and pinched your cheeks gently, “Sorry, I just want to surprise you.” he smiled sweetly and you looked away, blushing. “Pft. Never mind...” you bit your lower lip and scrolled through the comments but Levi already read something out loud.

“Ooh... @levisamlover says ‘you two look good together, just date already’ thank you for that. I also think that we look really good with each other, thanks for supporting my claim.” he smirked.

••••

“Are you sure you're fine with us just having a date at home? Well you probavly don't wanna let the press see us.” Levi asked as he wrapped jis arms around your shoulder, pulling you close to him as you two watch a movie.

“Hmm, nah the press has been seeing us two a lot but I don't care, I just want to stay close with you like this.” you told him, hugging him sideways, Levi chuckled and kissed the top of your head before feeding you some popcorn.

In the middle of the movie, Levi looked down on you just to see you asleep with a pout on your lips. He chuckled to himself and he slowly scoop you up being careful not to wake you up. He carried you towards your bedroom and he lay you down on the bed gently.

He smiled at your sleeping form before kissing your forehead. “I love you, do you know that? The day's ending yet I'm still 'ere falling in love with you again and again, deeper and deeper at every moment that passes by.” he took his phone from his pocket and took a picture of you, it became his new hobby, he's not the type to love taking pictures before but now that he has you, he wants to capture every moment.

He wants every moment to be saved, so he can go back to it every time that he misses you.

••••

“Nice job YN! Another action stunt beautifully done!”

You let out a sigh of relief when you're done filming your part, you guys are filming Eren's fight with the War Hammer Titan, along with the Survey corps fighting scene.

When you've finally done your part you immediately sat on the floor, feeling drained because of the insane stunts you had to do.

Levi was quick to hand you a bottled of water, he also naturally took his handkerchief out of his pocket to wipe your sweats, technically it is your PA's job but Levi was way faster than them.

Zeke and Reiner who just got finished their parts too, laughed at the scene because your PA was standing awkwardly as she watch Levi steal her job. “Man, I can't be the only one feeling that something changed with this two.” Zeke smirked nudging Reiner's sides, the latter hummed to agree before flicking his eyes on you and Levi.

“He's not even using his trailer anymore. He's with her all the time, Levi is acting sus.”

“Not to mention the fact that they kept on stealing glances all the time.” Hanji appeared behind the two holding her phone in her hand as she captures a photo of you and Levi laughing together. “Once we caught 'em in the act they'll spill the beans, believe me.” Armin who just finished filming also appeared holding his bottled water.

“I have a plan.” Hanji smirked deviously.

•••

“What, you're telling me to flirt with YN? Mikasa, I don't want to get killed by your brother.” Eren complained when he found out that the plan that they were thinking was getting Levi jealous so he would spill the tea.

Mikasa glared at Eren and smacked the back of his head. “Just do it, we'll be here to do something once he attempt to kill you.” Eren stared at her unbelievably before looking at his older brother. “Why don't you tell Armin to do it?” Zeke pushed his glasses up his nose before shaking his head. “Nah, Armin is like her son, Levi won't get jealous but you, a fuckboy would appear as a threat.” Zeke explained and everyone agreed.

“Man you're the one who flirts like a Seahorse.” Armin told him.

Eren narrowed his eyes, unable to understand Armin's sentence. “What do you mean by that smart-ass?” he growled.

“Seahorses flirts a lot, you're just like them.”

“I hate you all.”

Zeke got impatient of his brother's drama and he immediately pushed him towards your direction, the poor man almost landes face flat on the floor if you weren't able to grab his arm.

“Eren!” you gasped and helped him up, when Eren got up his face is pale, he smiled awkwardly and looked back at his brother to send a glare on his way before looking back at you. “You look beautiful today, YN.” he complimented.

You were taken aback by the sudden compliment so you just smiled before tapping his back, “Thanks, you look handsome today too, nice stunts by the way.” Eren looked around and he sees no traces of Levi so he loosened up a bit.

“I was just wondering if you'd like to have some coffee, there's this new coffee shop nearby and I've heard they have nice coffee.”

“Oh yes su—”

“She doesn't like coffee.”

Eren wanted to run when he heard Levi spoke behind him but he had no choice but to look at him, “Hey Lev! What's up?” Levi raised his brow to Eren, he didn't respond to him and went to your side as he glares at Eren.

“Play nice.”

“What am I? Your dog?” he whispered and you glared at him. “I'm just saying that you should act nice.” Levi crossed his arms over his chest and let out a deep breath. “I am nice.” you shook your head and massaged the bridge of your nose, there's no point in calming a jealous Levi.

“Ohohoho! I see what's happening here! Seems like sugar plum and captain grumpy is hiding somethin' eh? Spill it. What's with the possesiveness and lovey-dovey moments?”

Levi's eyes widened for a secons before he looked away, his ears and cheeks are red. Zeke's teasing smirk tells him that the man already know something, Hanji, Mikasa and Armin's stares are also meaningful, it seems like they're pressuring him to give an answer.

Levi clicked his tongue and acted cool as he looked at his co-actors and sister.

“I'm courting her, got any problem with that? Flirt with her again and you're done, Yeager.” he held your hand and dragged you away from the group while Zeke and Eren's laughter boomed at the whole set.

“YEAGERS! QUIET!”

[i-need-air]

bruh i almost really only if you’re okay with it wanna part 2 of kiri’s but like it has a married life and kids because dog hybrid kiri with kids or normal puppies too just sound adorable

That sounds so cute so I decided to mix both things. Here you have Kiri with doggos and kiddies 🥺💕

In here reader can get pregnant and ig goes by "mommy", I wanted to make it like this bc imagine smol lil kirishimas running around with smol black tails and wiggly ears and;;;; I'm soft—

Word count: 1.4k

[ Main Hybrid!Kirishima HCs ] [ Masterlist ]

× since we've established he starts as a dog trainer, expect to have doggos around the house all the time

× but it takes some good months for him to ever consider adopting one with you

× he's really aware of both of your financial situation so he'd need his business to boom before considering it, and maybe renting a bigger apartment

× what was good was that his internet fame got him sponsors and extra-cash

× whenever the time comes to consider it and talk it with you, he'd sit you down and mutter a cute "I was thinking—" while he's cuddling into your chest

× guess who's ready to do at the next shelter to adopt? Kiri is so eager to help another life 🥺

× adopts a big pitbull that's the sweetest thing in reality and in a few days he takes the doggo with him at work

× seriously loves seeing you cuddling big soft furry baby but gets jealous playfully; dog's in your lap? lifts you both up and now you're all in his lap, don't question it

× calls it Dynamo or something, saying he wants to honor his friend that he still had to find 🥺🥺🥺

× they're inseparable and look so intimidating together ajdjkejs until he smiles brightly and dog starts jumping around happy to exist; they both wiggle their tails and i swear just the cutest ever omg

× now before he considers children [ daydreams about it around 2 hours a day but sure ] he wants to be able to give you more

× saves up for a promise ring a few months in the relationship

× "My heart will forever be yours and someday I want to officially be able to call you mine" manly speech but he's tearing up while he puts it on your ring finger

× marriage between species was still a dicey issue, although it was legal some people still protested about it daily

× still believed in your relationship and was willing to take whatever came your way

× wants to do it the right way because he's a firm believer you deserve the best and wants to give it to you

× you did have to have a very small wedding but it did not matter to him and hopefully to you either

× KIDDIES!!!! skfjsljdhs I'm melting bc

× you guys planned it, right? it had to be a good time for both of you and had to have space for a smol little pack

× yeah, he calls it a pack; it seems it comes from his old days where his closest friends called themselves that and he now wants his own

× when you're settled and surprise him with the news???? falls on his knees, puts his forehead on your belly and sighs, taking his shaky hands to place them there too

× it's happening, it really is

× both him and Dynamo get very protective of you

× they've always been but it's as if the dog actually feels his owner on the edge protecting his mate

× from the day you've told him you're expecting he's gonna carry you around

× i mean, he likes to do it, leave him have it

× but he's fucking embarrassing as hell; once your belly starts getting bigger and let's say you find each other on the street, he's gonna pick you up bridal style and walk you home

× all the neighborhood simps for you both

× [ unrelated but everyone has a crush on him and are jealous of u, i don't make the rules ]

× doesn't matter if you scold him all flustered bc he's just going to laugh wholeheartedly and say some cheesy stuff like "It's just that I'm too happy right now" and he makes you shut up and boil of embarrassment

× oh my god; he puts his head on your belly and listens to two heartbeats [ has very good hearing ] and gets soft as fuck

× when the bundle of happiness arrives he's crying

× like he cries cries

× holds the baby and cries

× baby cries and he cries

× you're washing the baby and he observes the scene, crying

× absolutely adores both of you

× hear me out; smoll bby has an even smoler tail

× that they wiggle whenever they see their momma or dadda...

× yeah, from the first few weeks baby does that and it kills you

× [ imagine: ] it's 3 A.M., baby woke you two up crying and he kisses your forehead, urging you to go back to sleep; he goes to the baby's room and picks em up softly, holding them close to his chest and singing a sweet lullaby in his deep raspy voice, just above a whisper; Dynamo is a self-proclaimed bodyguard so the dog is always by the baby's door... you get up to see what's taking him so long and he's just sitting on the armchair in the room, kissing your baby's forehead tenderly...

× i really love the idea of Kiri having a daughter just because he'd be such a great dad; pick cute clothes, do her hair, play with her, have tea-parties; 🥺 strong big man with cute daughter? 💘💖💘💖💘

× gets so soft for his pup; calls your kid a pup; pup responds with wiggly tail

× she starts learning the puppy eyes from his dad and now, for sure, it's the death of you

× you're gone now, one of those looks and you can't argue anything and give in

× i feel he'd post about his family online and that's when his following would just explode, basically turning him into an advocate for hybrid lives and showing the world they're not different from normal humans; still keeps his privacy cuz people are mean mfs sometimes

× can we just accept the fact that they're both a mess? loud, clumsy and sunshine-y?

× her first words are Mamma and he instantly jumps in her face to ask "Hey, what aBOUT DADDY?!?!?!?"

× will get out of his way to make his smol sunshine giggle and her adorable cute laughs are his life juice

× gets energy to eat the world afterwards

× has this exagerated way of talking just to entertain the baby; even mundane things like: gasps —and I— dramatic pause to look around —made a MILKSHAKE! throws his arms in the air, making bb giggle and clap

× ridiculous dad;

× places your daughter on Dynamo's back and makes it carry her around like a horse

× gives her a paper made sword and roars a battle cry

× adorable squeal-like roar in response from his daughter

× also will have her be on his shoulders if you guys walk anywhere, keeping her in place by holding her chubby legs secured

× dumb songs for everything while they walk; "We're going to the mall, WE'RE GONNA BUY IT ALL, WE WANT SOME CHICKEN NUGGETS AND MAYBE GET SOME MUFFINS"

× "No."

× insert puppy eyes

× "... fine..."

× "WE'RE GOING TO THE MALL—"

× will want more children; like i said, he wants his own pack

× is more than happy to adopt hybrids too; he knows specially the youngest ones are treated badly so if you can't have children, please consider it

× because he will love them with all his heart and he has so much love and care to give

× just think about how he'd be surrounded with two, three children, all trying to climb on him, one hanging on his beefy arm, another clawing his leg, one on his shoulders; such a sight~

× every time he sees his kids doing anything he watches them carefully then turns to you with love in his eyes

× "You make me the happiest man alive"

× you gave him a new life, such happiness he only dreamed about in his darkest days and is thankful every single day;

× sometimes forgets how incredibly amazing he is, yet your words help him

× if your children call him the best dad ever?

× beams

× brighter than the sun itself

× will give it all for your family

× now and forever

[jaeminscoffee]

Cramps | k. dy

Pairings- Kim Dongyoung x Reader

Genre- Fluff, Crack.

Word count- 1.61k

Warnings- None. It’s a little cringe ig?

Synopsis- Period, Boyfriend, 3am, cuddles and snacks equals your haven

Type- Requested! (i edited the 25th prompt a little since that sentence had been overused! Sorry for that!)

@kpopscape​

Getting a call from you past midnight was a regular for Doyoung. It would usually be to check up on him, whether he ate after practice, or if he’d slept enough and things like that. It came to a point where Doyoung would stare at his screen waiting for your call, worrying when he wouldn’t receive any from your side, not even a text. 

Which is why he bolted to your apartment past 2 am to your apartment, after not receiving any sort of sign that you’re alive for the past 3 days. He’d tried calling you, yes. But he’d always be directed to your voice recording which only worried him more. 

He should’ve been used to it now though, it was the same cycle every month. You’d given him a spare key to your apartment in case you’d changed the passcode (which just so happened to be his birthdate) and forgotten to let him know. 

You were too indulged in feeling the pain of your period kicking through from time to time to even bother checking your phone. Worst of all was the fact you were all out of chocolates or anything to snack on except for dried fruit and peanuts. So buried in your pain, you cut off all human connections. 

When your boyfriend opened the door to your apartment, it looked pretty normal. The kitchen was tidy, but a little empty. The living room looked like not a soul had sat there for months though you, alongside him, made a popcorn mess there not even a week ago. The room was what proved his theories correct. The floor scattered with empty salted peanut packets. Around five bottles of gatorade on your side table with a packet of pain killer beside it. 

“My poor baby..” he let out mostly to himself, finding you in a blanket burrito, only your head peeking out, eyes closed which made him think you were asleep. He made his way inside, picking up the packets off the floor before disposing it in the garbage bin, doing the same with the bottles not before placing a chaste kiss on your lips that were puckered. He couldn’t help it, you looked like an extremely cute, depressed sushi. 

Your eyes flew open from the sudden plush feeling on your lips to meet with the doe eyes you adored oh so much. He pulled away immediately seeing you stare him dead in the eyes, which had his eyes widen in both shock and guilt for waking you up. You found his reaction endearing as you smile up at him, pulling your hands out with great effort.

You see his lips moving, probably spurting out apologies but you hold your hands out to stop him from speaking, which earned a confused look from his side. You reach out to the side of your face, removing the airpod from both ears before placing it onto the now clean table. “Now, speak” you mumble.

He stares at you a little too long, dumbfounded, “You weren’t asleep?” he asks, unintentionally pulling a trigger as you’d caught not a glimpse of sleep since your period decided to come knocking at your door. You sit up, hissing at the feeling between your thighs. 

“You’d THINK I’d have gotten sleep, huh?” you glare up to your ever so confused boyfriend. “Check the date, Doyoung it’s been 2 years. You should’ve known." 

"No, I know you’re on your period. But why didn’t you get any sleep?” he inquires, sitting down beside you. 

“I’m drowning in my sorrow because I’m too good for the humans to know of my celestial existence. The lord’s themselves sculpted me with great-”

“You ran out of snacks, didn’t you?” he gave you a bemused look, cutting off your ramble which had you whining. “Worst of all I don’t have shibers to cuddle!! It’s my brother’s week to take care of him and yes i did run out of snacks, did you get any for me?” you look at him, eyes practically shimmering in hope. 

He puffs out a sharp breath, mentally facepalming as he’d forgotten to do so from the previous worry he had for you. “To be fair, I was genuinely too occupied wanting to know of your wellbeing to think of snacks” Doyoung justifies, as you whine once again. You mumbled something along the lines of “Doyoung you’re the worst boyfriend ever” or something while you turn your back at him. Once again burying yourself in your blankets. 

He sat quiet as you kept letting out incomprehensible sentences when he got an idea. It’s just 3 am anyways. 

“Y/n” he calls out to you, poking at your side to grab your attention. “Psst. Y/n~” he repeated, making you scoot away from him as you feigned anger at him.

“Want to go get some fries?” he offered, which made you pause your actions. You stay silent, waiting for his next words. “Only if you want to though, or we could just cuddle your pain away-” Doyoung stood up, about to make his way towards the switch panels to turn the lights out. You caught his wrist midway. “No, wait. I’m interested." 

After screaming at your boyfriend for running over to your house instead of driving, you let him drive you over to the nearest McDonald’s with your car even after he proposed a walk being good for reducing cramp pain. You were too lazy for heaven’s sake. 

"Can i place an order for 2 large fries? And a Mcflurry? Thank you” Doyoung spoke after pulling up at the drive through as you sat in the passenger’s seat, two layers of sweater and his hoodie pulled over onto your body to keep you warm. 

Waiting patiently for your order, you lean forward, resting your head on the dashboard as your pain only got worse. Doyoung reached over to your back, caressing it in a comforting manner to help reduce pain as he turned the heater on inside the car, determined to keep you as warm as possible.

You practically snatch the food away from his hands as soon as he received the order, earning a chuckle for him as he drives out out of the drive through, driving in the opposite direction of your house, probably to his and you don’t object, definitely liking the idea of munching on fries and slurping away the drink alongside his cuddles. 

“You okay with staying over for the night?” he looks at you for a split second, confirming even though the answer was obvious, “I could drive you back home, it’s just, I’ve got work early in the morning tomorrow so i won’t be able to drop you then, and i know you’ll wake up in the middle of the night without warmth so-" 

"I’m fine with it! I like your pillows better than mine anyways” you reply with a mouth full of fries. 

Doyoung parks a little away from his apartment, seeing the parking lot overcrowded, earning a whine from you at the thought of having to physically move. 

“Babe, i can’t moveee” you drag, as he parks just 2 minutes walk away from the apartment compound. A packet of empty fries placed on the drinks holder when he turns to look at you, “It’ll take not anymore than a minute” he tries convincing you. “It’s not that i don’t want to, i can’t” you emphasize the word ‘can’t’ to get your point across. 

He taps at the steering wheel, while looking at you, thinking for a better alternative for walking. “Give me a piggyback ride!” you beat him to it. He nods his head in agreement, knowing you’d even go as far to just sleep in the car if he didn’t carry you up to his house. So without putting up a protest, he got out of the driver’s seat and made his way towards you, kneeling down once he opened the door to your side. 

You trust fall forward, earning a sound of pain from your poor boyfriend as you chuckle out an apology. You press a kiss onto his cheeks before resting your head on his shoulder, feeling another wave of pain hit you, making you whimper. 

Doyoung stood up, securing you in place as he took out the remaining order and the trash, making sure to lock the car before waking towards the apartment, inside the building and towards the elevator. 

“Doyoung.. It hurts” you whine out, wanting nothing more than a soft surface to lie down on as Doyoung hushed you with comforting words, speed walking towards his door once the lift opened.

Feeling lethargic, you barely manage to make out the faint image of his well organised living room, the black and white undertone of the walls all too similar but you were too drawn out by the pain to make a clear picture out of it. 

You feel yourself being lowered down onto his couch as your boyfriend made his way towards the kitchen to place the fries and drink down on the counter. 

With heavy eyelids, you stare straight at the table beside the T. V, blinking multiple times to see what was moving back and forth in what looked like a cage to you. When it’d clearly be a mini aquarium to any sane soul.

“Babe, your dragon looks dope!” you scream out, turning towards the side to get into a comfortable position as you feel your legs being tugged out of your boots. Doyoung lets out a small laugh, looking at you with amusement.

“Pain’s that bad?” he questioned as you look up at him, eyebrows furrowed, “Hmm?”

“That’s my goldfish, Y/n”

[lovingmyselfcore]

Skate Into My Heart

Chapter Three; Uh oh

BESTIES

I'M ALIVE AND I DID THE WRITING THING

@ciaraloves (or @perseusjackson-jasongrace ig) LOOK AT ME DOING THE THING

As soon as Nico left the locker room, Piper pounced on him. Literally.

He was forced to take a step back and caught her by the shoulders, “What’s up?”

She was practically vibrating with excitement, “Annabeth’s back!”

“Really?”

“Yeah! Come on!” She grabbed his hand and yanked him through the hallways and into the main rink where a crowd of people had formed next to the bleachers.

It was the rest of the team and in the center was Annabeth, a duffle bag slung over one shoulder, looking exhausted as all hell but she was grinning as the team peppered her with questions and play-by-plays of the practices she’d missed.

Piper shouldered them into the center so Nico was directly in front of Annabeth, Piper on one side and Calypso on the other.

“Hey, Nico,” Annabeth said, still grinning. She stepped forward for a hug and he let her, burying his face into her neck and breathing, already feeling the responsibility leaking from his tight shoulders. Annabeth was like a big sister to him, not that he’d ever admit that, but still.

“You want to get out?” Nico whispered into her neck.

“Yes,” She whispered back emphatically. Nico could barely stop himself from laughing but as they pulled apart he saw the genuine relief in her eyes and felt himself worrying. He needed to talk to her, about the team and skating, about Will and of course, if she needed to talk about why she’d been gone for so long, he’d do that too.

Apparently, Calypso recognized that too and, bless her heart, muttered something to Leo, and together they captured the team’s attention, allowing Nico to tug Annabeth away from the crowd and out of the rink. She sighed as soon as they were ejected onto the city streets. Nico stuck an arm out and she smiled and linked their arms.

“Where are you headed?” Nico asked as they walked the short distance to the car garage.

“Oh, probably just my apartment.”

Nico nodded, “I wasn’t sure if you’d be staying with your dad or not.”

She shook her head, “He doesn’t even know I landed yet. I’ll head over in the morning.”

Her voice was stiff and Nico took that as his cue to change the subject. “So I have something to confide in you.”

She perked up almost immediately and he swallowed hard. But she just looked at him with those gray eyes and he reminded himself that this was Annabeth. That she wasn’t going to get angry with him.

At least, he hoped not.

“I’m talking to one of the hockey players,” He said casually.

Her grip on his arm stiffened and he braced himself but she was still just looking at him.

Finally, she grinned, “So when you say ‘talking to’...”

He groaned and felt himself flush, “Oh, shut up! Just friends.”

She hummed and released his arm to dig for her keys in her jacket pocket. “Is he nice?”

“No, he’s a dick,” Nico said sarcastically.

Annabeth rolled her eyes, but she was still smiling. “I don’t know why I even bother.”

“He’s blonde,” Nico offered.

“Oooh,” Annabeth drawled.

He rolled his eyes and she burst out laughing, her voice echoing off the stone walls of the parking garage.

“Is he gay?” Annabeth asked.

Nico nearly flinched and passed it off with another eye roll, “I don’t know, Annie, that’s not something that’s come up in casual conversation.”

She glared at him and Nico, being the mature adult he is, stuck his tongue out at her. She did it back then shook her head. “Too much time with Percy,” She muttered and Nico snorted. She grinned at him.

“So he’s okay?”

That sobered her immediately. “Yeah. Well, as okay as he can be. I’m only here for like two weeks because he insisted I come back, but I’m leaving as soon as possible,” She glanced sideways at him, “Not to leave you alone again, though.”

He shrugged off the flash of selfish hurt he’d felt, “I’m good, Beth.” But he wasn’t good. He’d just told her about Will, and not even the start of the way his stomach would twist when he saw a new text from the hockey player and not the same twist when he panicked. And that also meant his chances of performing solo again were climbing. He didn’t know how to feel about that part.

“Stop that!” She exclaimed, halting once they’d reached her car.

“Get some sleep, Annabeth,” He said genuinely then smirked a little, “It looks like you need it.”

She threw a balled-up receipt she’d found in her bag at him, “Dick!”

~~~~

“Hey, Nico.”

Nico nearly leaped out of his skin, spinning to see Persephone in the living room.

She snorted, “Didn’t mean to scare you, sorry. Did practice go well?”

His phone buzzed in his pocket, “Yeah. Annabeth’s back.”

Persephone hummed, reaching up to untwist her hair, sending it cascading down her shoulders, “That’s good. I know you’ve missed her,” She said with a knowing look in her eyes that made him shift uncomfortably.

“Yeah, definitely, um, I’m tired we learned some new moves for Regionals today, so,”

“Yeah of course.” She was still smiling.

“‘Night Persephone,”

~~~

Nico flopped face-down onto his bed with a groan. He knew Persephone though he had a crush on Annabeth; he didn’t blame her, he’d never really made it a point that he didn’t. He wished he could come out to her and his dad, he didn’t really have a reason why he hadn’t besides the weight of anxiety on his lungs.

His phone buzzed again, and he wriggled upright to yank it out of his pocket.

Will: Distract me

Will: My mom is driving me insane

Nico grinned to himself, both of them were dealing with mommy issues at the moment.

Nico: idk how you expect me to distract you

Will: Just tell me about snakes or smth

Nico: you think i just have fun facts about snakes on hand?

Will: Yeah?

Nico: good

Nico: cause i do

Will: :)

Nico: snakes can slither 12.5 mph

Will: Good lord

Nico: snakes have internal ears but not external ones

Will: ??

Nico: they can’t create their own body heat which is why theyre in the sun all the time

Will: Hmmmm

Nico: they smell w/their tongues

Will: I thought they had nostrils??

Nico: they do

Will: what

Nico: it’s their Jacobson’s organ my dude it works in mysterious ways

Nico: not really but yk

Nico: sCieNcE

Will: ok….

Nico: if you get bored of snakes i’ve also got a bunch of random cheetah facts

Nico: i love cheetahs

Nico: very cool

Nico: fast cats

Will: Lmao go ahead

Nico: but first

Nico: why’s your mom driving you insane

Nico: if you want to tell me ofc

Nico: not trying to be weird

Will: Nah you’re fine

Will: She wants me to focus entirely on med school and not hockey

Will: She’s trying to get me out of it, actually

Will: Do something ‘respectable’

Will: Not turn out like my dad

Will: Even though dad has literally NOTHING to do with hockey

Will: And in my opinion he’s not bad. Not great. Not awful yk

Will: But hockey’s what’s putting me through med school so

Will: Gods, I really just burdened you with that I’m so sorry

Nico: med school huh

Nico: now i can say i know a doctor

Will: In training

Nico: close enough

Nico: you’re a great hockey player and you're going to be a great doctor

Nico: and you can always talk to me, will

Nico: you’re not burdening me with shit

Will: thanks <3

Nico didn’t understand why he blushed. It was a goddamn emoji. Calm down, Di Angelo.

Will: So we’ve been talking for a few weeks now. Can I call you my friend yet?

Nico snorted, feeling like he was fifteen again, sprawled on his bed, in the dark (because for some reason he didn’t turn his lights on) late at night, texting his- well, anyway.

Nico: yea dumbass

Nico: we’re friends

Will: Nice

Will: Now give me cheetah facts you adorable nerd

~~~

WILL

“Will? You good?”

Will blinked, Jason coming in to focus in front of him. “Uh, yeah.”

“That was believable,” Clarisse said sarcastically from behind Jason.

Will attempted to shake the fog from his head, “Yes,” He repeated.

Jason just blinked at him and Will was formulating an excuse for why he was so tired besides the fact that he’d spent all night talking to a cute figure skater with a ridiculous amount of animal facts stored in his small body when Coach Hedge’s voice boomed from his seat on the bleachers, “Solace! You alive?”

“Yes, coach!” Will shot back.

“Then why are you just standing there? Get back to the game! You too, La Rue and Grace!”

“Yes, sir!” They all barked back.

Clarisse gave him a once over before skating back to her goal and Jason went over to Will’s spot with him, “You sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah, just tired.”

Jason opened his mouth, probably to question why the mom friend of their group was tired enough he nearly tripped over his stick but Will just said, “It’s fine, Jase. It’s not a big deal.”

“Grace!” Coach Hedge screeched.

Jason gave up on trying to interrogate Will and skated back over to his spot.

~~~~

“Mama, please,” Will tried, but his mother cut him off.

“Willaim. Hush. How’s that girl you said you were dating?”

What?

He was silent for a beat too long.

“Oh, baby,” His mother’s thick southern accent drenched her words. “You broke up? I’m so sorry.”

Oh gods, Lou Ellen Blackstone.

Will and Lou Ellen had dated for two months a long time ago, and when they were still dating he’d told his mother about her to get her to back off of his personal life a little. Their break up hadn’t had a huge fallout, Lou Ellen had told him through tears in his living room that she was aromantic. They were still friends, had been even before they dated, actually, and talked to each other pretty regularly.

But the problem was, that had been three months ago, and he hadn’t told his mother about their breakup. He knew she’d ask why, and he didn’t want to out Lou Ellen or make her a devil in his mother’s eyes. So he’d procrastinated coming up with a reason until he’d forgotten about it entirely.

And now it had come back to bite him in the ass.

“Yeah we broke up a little while ago,” He forced himself to sound choked up, which wasn’t hard, giving the way his panicked brain was now sprinting in circles on his lungs. “I just didn’t disappoint you.” Probably the most honest thing he’d said in weeks, but that’ll be unpacked later.

“Honey,” She sighed sadly and Will didn’t know whether or not that was on his behalf or hers.

“Well, it’s okay, because I’m dating someone new.”

“Oh?” He could hear her spine straighten. “Is it someone I know?”

No, mom, it’s not one of the country girls I grew up with.

“No,” He winced at how southern he sounded. He’d been talking to his mother for five minutes. “You don’t know him.”

HIM. Good Gods, Will. Yeah, you came out as bi to your mom, but still, you haven’t actually mentioned a guy to her yet.

She was silent for so long his heart joined his brain in the track meet happening on top of his lungs. “What’s his name?”

He was so she’d spoken that he blurted, “Nico.”

What. The. Fuck. Willaim.

Apparently, his heart had won that damn track race.

“Well, what I was leading up to before you told me about what happened,”

Will hummed non-committally, trying not to sound like he was taking relieved breaths as she spoke.

“The family’s come for a reunion and you should bring that boy!” Will choked on his spit.

“Mom, I don’t know about-”

“No, William. There isn’t a set date yet so we can work around your schedule,” Fuck. “I insist, Will. I need to meet this boy you clearly like very much, even though all you’ve said is his name, a mother knows.”

Umm, what.

“Sure,” Will said, sounding a little strangled. “But we have a game this weekend.”

“Alright, William.” She sounded the way she always did when he brought up hockey. “But as I said, we can work around your schedule and his. Talk to him about it, and let me know.”

“Yeah. Yeah,” Will repeated. “I’ll do that.”

She hung up and he was left staring at the wilting daisies at his kitchen table.

What had he just done?

[vaguely-concerned]

The Mandalorian Chapter 15 reactions; *nobby nobbs voice* ‘s all gone a bit percychological, sir

 - so from both chapter 6 and now this: rick famuyiwa is incredible at portraying prolonged discomfort and tension (and also at getting din’s endless love for that baby across through the stress of being separated from him. this is the very first episode with no baby in it at all, isn’t it? wow that’s a heartbreaking milestone to reach im crying)

I liked this episode SO MUCH but I had to pause it pretty often and take a breather because it all made me so viscerally uncomfortable on din’s behalf -- not just the armour and having to take the helmet off and be seen for the (almost, ilu IG-11) first time in decades, people keep touching him in this episode when he clearly doesn’t want them to but can’t stop it and it makes me want to claw my own skin off in sympathy, it’s so awful. that’s really neat film making to manage to keep that tension steady almost all the way through!!! 

honestly this episode felt a little bit like psychological horror, with the cheering storm troopers and din in the wrong armour and clearly not digging it and there’s the palpable absence of baby and that ever present dread of being Perceived when you’re not ready for it; everything’s turned upside down from how it should be. and it’s playing with that discomfort both in the main character and in us, the audience, in having the familiar be made unfamiliar and also introducing these questions that shake up everything (that feeling you get of ‘but... if it’s not the helmet, and not the armour, but there’s his face, but we’ve only seen that face once before so it’s still basically new to us, is this... is this still him. is this still Dad’ (oooh I wonder if we’re... sort of getting some of the ??? the baby would be feeling about it too?) we’ve all imprinted on that t-shaped visor like little baby birds, and this was a very clever episode to break us out of that and start to really get used to the thought of him having several faces that are real simultaneously, in a way, and not just a voice. it’s all very smart and interesting and I’m sure I’ll have a lot of incoherent thoughts about this in the weeks to come lol)    

- the actual reason din can’t take off the helmet is that if people were able to see his wide confused puppy eyes they would no longer find it in themselves to send him on long arduous side missions and would help him immediately just so he’d feel better, and that would rob us of like 80% of the content for this show 

mayfeld in this episode: clearly a casualty of this. he literally sees one glimpse of the vulnerability there and then within five seconds goes on to materialize a few redeeming character traits after being a complete jackass for an episode and a half. (I mean. he was 100% still an imperial so I’m a bit ‘hm.’ about how easily especially cara let him off the hook, but with the way it was set up I guess it would have been quite shitty of them to just throw him back in prison so I mean I GUESS. I would be endlessly grateful someone got my awkward bff out of there alive and well too I suppose)

- I actually think din’s sense/integrity of self has gotten so much stronger and more resilient (though probably still quite fragile pls handle with care precious cargo within); if this had happened in the first season I think it might honestly just have killed him (and if it weren’t for IG-11 it probably would have lol)

- can you beLIEVE din is so bad at lying that they literally should plan for contingencies over it fjkasdlhfskajdhfsdj     

- very grateful for the scene with the spear throw that’s basically there to reassure us ‘uh-huh, he absolutely knows how to use it, don’t worry about that part at least’

I want to make a whole post about that fight scene, though, it’s just so GOOD! there’s so much storytelling and characterization in it! even out of the armour din has some real hand to hand MOVES!! he clearly came out of that aching all over, he can barely get back in his seat!!!

- so what I’m mainly taking away from this is that din absolutely cuts his own hair and you know what? he does a good job considering the conditions he has to work under, I love him  

I still find it so goddamn darling that he meticulously maintains that little mustache/stubble combo under there even when there’s every reason to believe no one will ever see it 

I suppose we can also gather that he did not ask cobb about whatever insane feat of magic he’s come up with to avoid helmet hair, but I don’t care looking a bit frazzled and tousled is exactly right for him (he’s so put together when he’s in the armour and a MESS when he’s out of it and I  l o v e  it) 

- boba fett is honestly so fucking hot in this I don’t know what to do with myself haha. he’s so CALM and CALCULATED and COLLECTED in his newly painted armour and he’s GOT THIS and he made that ‘I’ve got one of those faces. one of jango’s many, many, many faces’ joke and he’s so thicc now, he looks like he could easily lift me over his head with one hand and he’s just quietly steady and undramatically supportive and sdalfhsdjhfsa 

- ...din does know who the clone troopers were, right. I mean of course he does. he has to. but does he though. I’m sure he does and just wasn’t thinking. 

- no matter how stressful it was I’m still really grateful that in the end taking the helmet off was something din got to do himself -- it’s under some duress, but it’s still his choice and for the sake of the baby, and almost in two more manageable steps between putting on the storm trooper gear for a different helmet before taking it off altogether. it’s not something done to him by gideon, for example, that would be. so much yuckier and worse. he still has that control and agency intact, even if it’s been tested really hard, and now gideon doing that doesn’t hold the exact same nightmarish power anymore because there’s already a little space opened in din’s mind for different things it can mean, if you see what I mean. I’m not sure I see what I mean actually I just have a lot of feelings haha. so I guess thank you mayfeld for being decent about it and helping him towards that realization that he can still be himself outside these really really inflexible structures he’s set up around himself for like. stability and keeping himself upright for a really long time, and that even someone halfway decent won’t disrespect the boundaries he still has about it at any given moment. man there’s a lot in this episode isn’t there

- the sigh din gave when he saw even more pirates coming and knew he had to get back up... never has a single moment in cinema better captured how I feel about being alive. most relatable man in the world din djarin

- it was really cruel of them to make me listen to din’s dead bleak voice say ‘the child is gone’ again, it wrecks my heart every goddamn time 

- again... I wish carano wasn’t Like That in real life because the cara & fennec scenes should have been everything I could ever dream. ah well fennec was still wonderful and if I just allow myself to think in-universe for a few seconds it was really touching that din would entrust cara with his entire armour, that’s some prime BrOTP energy right there

I love that we got two female characters who were just allies and working together, no competition or nothin’. listen the bar is low but it’s nice to see something actually leap gracefully over it as well lol

- this was one of those with some pretty big open plot holes (why, exactly, would a scan of a completely unknown face be helpful to get into this classified system lol), but a) I don’t care, the emotional storyline was so sound it doesn’t really matter and b) eh handwave handwave let’s say mayfeld programmed that little stick with the good shit and overrode the code saying there needed to be an identity match within the system, it’s all fine 

- I know I joke a lot about this but din really is one of the most relatable characters I’ve ever had. just watching him struggle with eye contact and going pretty much nonverbal under enough stress is like. wow a bit close to home there could we, perhaps, nOT?? (honestly though these are trauma/anxiety things I really don’t see portrayed a lot, especially in protagonists, it’s so odd but healing to see it in a character I love and who’s EXTREMELY competent in many other settings)

- din repeating gideon’s speech back to him word for word (except for the crucial detail that he calls grogu ‘him’ instead of ‘it’ 😭😭😭) and saying nothing else is truly Everything. I’ve said some stuff about din’s deliberate and thoughtful relationship to language in the past and this is such an amazing example of it; he’s remembered that pitch perfect all this time, he’s kept it around in his head and mulled it over and then redeployed it to change the meaning of it completely from dehumanization to love. can you. can you even imagine. and it’s yet another example of his hilarious wonderful petty streak and I can never get enough of it fasjhdfkjalhs    

- din always noticing the children first and foremost Y_______Y (the kids running by is the only thing you see him sort of acknowledge when he’s walking into the covert in season 1 too)  

- please... please I just need him to be able to hold that baby against his chest all safe and sound and okay again I can’t it’s........ hh

NO SEASON END CLIFF HANGER ON THIS I AM  B E G G I N G  YOU 

- I would be having some thoughts about how much space there actually is on slave 1 and what that might mean (do not kill boba again please don’t kill him again), but honestly there’s only ‘GET BABY’ hours in here now, I can’t speculate about anything

[thelovelylolly]

Almost there

Request (by @r-rose08​ ) : Hii! I just read Taken and I looooved it! I was wondering if i could request a one shot where instead of kuiil it was the reader that got shot protecting the child? Thank you!!❤️

Summary : You and Kuill met on Arvala-7 and decided to work together on his moisture and blurrg farm. You met the mandalorian when he first came for the child but when he returned for Kuill’s assistance in order to take out the ex-imperial that wanted the child, Kuill decided to send you and IG-11 in his place. You and the mandalorian became close the first time you met, you even gained feelings and maybe he did, too. But what happens when you don’t check in with him over the coms?

Warnings : Typical mando violence (Use of Y/N btw)

Notes : I hope you like this! When you sent in your request, you were just so sweet and the idea is amazing, so I had to do it!

“How long have you worked with Kuill?” The mandalorian asked while you tended to the blurrg that Kuill insisted you brought along. You, the mandalorian, Cara Dune, IG-11 and the child were flying to Nevarro on the Razor Crest. The ship was small but to your surprise, it could fit a lot.

“A few years or so. I stopped counting, time just never bothered me. Farming has always been so peaceful that I didn’t need to keep track.” You replied, petting one of your favorite blurrgs. “As weird as it sounds, I kept track between the time you first arrived on Arvala-7 and when you came back. It was 38 days.”

“I’m surprised you kept count.”

“Why are you surprised?” You asked, turning to face the beskar covered figure.

“I thought you would forget about me.” The mandalorian answered, leaning on the wall next to you.

“Now why would I forget a mandalorian and a adorable kid?” 

The mandalorian didn’t have an answer for that. You smirked and fed the blurrg while the mandalorian pushed himself off the wall, walking to talk to the others. Your thoughts decided to wonder. Maybe Mando had feelings for you, like you did for him. Unlikely, you acknowledged. You didn’t even know his real name, only referring to him as “Mando” like everyone else, you don’t even know what he looks like! 

The ship shifted then settled, signaling it landed. IG-11 helped you prepare the blurrg and gave you a gun. IG was staying on the ship while you traveled with Cara and Mando to the town as a protector of the adorable alien baby.

———————————————————

You could tell things were gonna go down hill when two of you blurrgs were killed by some creatures. Then the guild members tried to betray you, Mando and Cara but Greef killed them. 

“Listen, we were going to kill you three and take the kid. But I couldn’t do that.” Greef argued his point, being held at gun point by you three. Cara wanted to kill him already but you stopped her.

“Let him speak.” You said, still riding your blurrg.

“We both need the client eliminated. Let me take the child to him. You two--”

“No.” Mando said.

“Let’s just kill him and go.” Cara added.

“He’s right.” Mando put his gun in his holster. “As long as the imp lives, he’ll send hunters after the child. Take me.”

“What?” All three of you asked.

“Say you captured me. I’ll get close to the target and kill him.” Mando explained.

After a bit more of discussing, you four made a plan. You would take the child back to Razor Crest and stay there until it was safe while Greef would take Mando and Cara to the target, Mando posing as a prisoner and Cara posing as the one who caught him. 

You were about to mount your blurrg with the child in your arms when someone stopped you. It was the mandalorian. He handed you a small com link. “Here. Tell me when you reach the Crest.”

“Will do, Mando. You three stay safe.”

“You too.”

———————————————————

You were riding back to the Razor Crest, the blurrg running as fast as it could. Every once in a while, you would look down at the child who was cooing in your arms. “We’re almost there hun, just a little ways more.”

Out of nowhere, you heard speeder noises coming from behind you. You glanced back and saw two stormtroopers on your tail. You kicked the back of your blurrg, causing it to go faster a little bit. You pulled out your com link.

“Mando, there are two stormtroopers trailing me. Have you three killed the client yet?”

“No, it was a trap. We can’t do anything without Moff Gideon killing us. How far are you from the Crest?”

“I can just see it, but they’re gaining on me.”

“Listen to me, okay? Protect the kid and yourself. You may have to ditch the blurry, just get to the Crest and leave. Get out of here!”

“Copy that, Ma-” You were cut off by a blaster shot. It hit your blurrg causing it to stop and fall over. You fell off, Mando calling your name through the com link. 

You quickly gathered yourself, held the kid closer to you, pulled out your blaster and started sprinting to the Razor Crest. You turned back to shoot at both of the troopers but missed. You felt a sharp, hot pain on your side. 

They shot you.

You weren’t gonna let these imperials get the kid. But they shot you again, in the shoulder this time. Then a third time in your leg. You couldn’t keep running with your wounds. You hit the ground and the child fell from your arms. 

“Y/N?! Do you copy?! Y/N!” Mando kept calling for you through the com link. The troopers swung by and snatched the kid up. You felt so weak and helpless while you grabbed the com link.

“I’m so sorry, Mando.”

“What do you mean?! Are you and the child okay?!”

“No, they grabbed him after they shot me. I’m sorry.” You said quietly, as you slowly slipped into unconsciousness.

“Y/N? Y/N!”

Mando’s yelling was the last thing you heard.

———————————————————

You felt yourself being picked up, you didn’t know by who but you could feel it. Moments later, you felt yourself being placed on a bed. You heard a the sound of a large piece of metal being placed down, then a sigh.

“I’m so sorry.” It was Mando. But without his modulator. 

Your body wouldn’t let your move or open your eyes or anything, it was still trying to recover from your injuries. Speaking of injuries, you felt someone (probably Mando) taking care of your wounds. 

“I shouldn’t have sent you back to the Crest. I almost lost you, I almost lost the kid. You probably can’t hear me right now, we’re on our way back to Arvala-7. Kuill’s gonna be upset that you got hurt and IG-11 got destroyed. The truth is I-” Mando paused for a moment. “I care about you, maybe even love you. Just please be okay.”

He finished taking care of your wounds, your body finally starting to work again. Mando sighed, his modulator making it clear that he had his helmet back on. You slowly opened your eyes. “Hey Mando.” You voice was barely there and your mouth was dry. 

The mandalorian was surprised you woke up so soon. “How do you feel?”

“Tired, sore. My body hurts but at least I’m still alive, heh.” You replied. “Did you mean what you said?”

“What?”

“You just said you care about me and love me. Did you mean it?”

Mando thought for a moment. “Yes, I meant all of it.” There was a pause before you replied.

“I love you, too.”

[b0n-chann]

YOU GUYS. I’m so sorry I let this one sit for so long. BUT WE’RE HERE MY DUDES. Special thank you to @tiffdawg for the motivation I needed to finish this and I’m so glad I did. My mind would wonder to this story from time to time, trying to decide how I wanted to finish this series and I’m glad I finally found the time to do it. So please enjoy and sorry again for such a long hiatus!

To Love and Protect ( Part 4) 

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 

Pairing: Din Djarin x reader

Warnings: none really, just typical violence and some good old fluff 😘

The lava river was your only way out and it never seemed to end. Flames lick the side of the ferry from time to time as it travels through the molten rock and you look on in amazement. You never knew that such things existed. Granted, you didn’t know many wonders in the galaxy existed before you met the Mandalorian. You hold the child a little tighter to you and he looks up, flashing you a toothy grin.

“That’s right, sweet thing,” you coo, comforting the small bundle in your arms. “We’re almost out of here.” Din places an arm around your shoulder, admiring his small clan before him.

“That’s it,” Karga points to the end. “We’re free!”

“No. No we’re not,” Din says steadily, the thermal imaging in his helmet detecting several life forms. “Storm troopers. They’re flanking the mouth of the tunnel. It looks like an entire platoon. They must’ve known we were coming.”

The child seems to register the tone in Din’s voice as his ears droop immediately, worry filling his inky black eyes. The child clings on to you tightly and you hold him closer to you, a comfort for both you and him. You are exhausted, mentally and physically, but you know you can’t back down now. There’s too much at stake.

“Stop the boat,” Cara orders the ferry droid. “I said stop the boat!” Frustrated, she stalks over to the droid who continues to push the group forward. “Hey! I’m talking to you!” In a moment of frustration she pulls out her blaster and shoots the droid, its head flying from its body. The ferry, however, does not slow down, creeping forward towards your group’s demise.

“We’re still moving,” Karga says, looking around for another way out. But there is none. The lava river surrounds you from all sides and it continues to flow to the end of the tunnel, slowly bringing you closer what you thought is your escape, but now the uncertainty looms over all of you. 

“Looks like we fight,” Cara says, preparing herself for the stormtroopers. 

“There are too many.” Din tries to reason, however he, too, realizes that they are running out of options. He brings you closer to him on instinct, placing himself between you and the end of the tunnel.

“Then what do you suggest? Cause I can’t surrender.” Cara snaps. She holds a blaster out to you and you readily accept.  The power in her voice is enough to steel your resolve once again. 

“They will not be satisfied with anything less than the child,” you hear IG-11’s voice from beside you. You close your eyes in realization. But you couldn’t; you couldn’t give the child up. “This is unacceptable. I will eliminate the enemy and you will escape.”

“You don’t have that kind of firepower, pal. You wouldn’t even get to daylight.”

“That is not my objective.”

“We’re getting close. Saddle up.” Cara scrambles around the ferry, gathering every gun she could get her hands on, preparing herself for the worst.

“I still have the security protocols from my manufacturer. If my designs are compromised, I must self destruct.” Your blood runs cold when you hear IG make this statement. It dawns on you then, that the droid means to sacrifice himself.

“What are you talking about?” Din demands. However, you know he must realize what IG is planning to do.

“I am not permitted to be captured. I must be destroyed.”

“IG...” you start but realize quickly you have no idea what to say. 

“It is alright, miss.” The droid gives you a quick glance before bringing his attention back to the Mandalorian. “I can no longer carry this for you,” he hands over the jetpack the Armorer had bestowed to Din earlier. “Nor can I watch over the child.”

“Wait, you can’t just self destruct,” you argue, panic setting in. Yes, IG was a droid but you had grown to care for him in your time together. “Your base command is to watch the child.”

“That supersedes you’re manufacturer’s protocol, right?” Din asks. He also seems unsettled by the plan the droid has laid out before you.

“This is correct.”

“Good. Now, grab a blaster and help us shoot our way out.”

“Victory through combat is impossible. We will be captured. The child will be lost. Sadly, there is no scenario where the child is saved, in which I survive.”

“Listen, you’re not going anywhere. We need you, let’s just come up with a...” Din starts, trying to reason with the droid which catches you by surprise. For as long as you’ve known the bounty hunter, he has never shown any compassion for droids.

“Please tell me the child will be safe in your care. If you do so, I can default to my secondary command.”

“But you’ll be destroyed.”

“And you will live, and I will have served my purpose.” Your heart aches when you hear IG say this. Even though you know droids do not have feelings, it almost seems as if IG cares for all of you.

“No.” Din refuses. “We need you.”

“There is nothing to be sad about. I have never been alive.” The droid’s intention had been set and you know there’s no way to change it. Tears threaten to escape your eyes.

“I’m not sad.” Din lies, the pain evident in his voice, even through the modulator.

“Yes, you are. I am a nurse droid. I’ve analyzed your voice.” You’re not sure if you want to laugh or cry at their interaction. IG turns towards you and the child and affectionately touches one of the child’s ears. “Miss, please continue to protect the child. A mother is the fiercest warrior to behold and you were a vicious companion to have.  The Mandalorian will do well to remember that if he so chooses to hurt you again. I hope I served you well.” You bark out a sad laugh at his words. The short amount of time you spent with the droid was enough to endear him to you and your heart breaks knowing what will happen next. 

“Thank you, IG.” You say softly and he places a hand on your shoulder which provides you a small comfort. He turns and walks into the lava, and you watch as he struggles to make his way out. Din draws you and the child closer to him as you watch the droid leave the tunnel. He doesn’t say anything but you imagine a sad frown marring his features. You whimper and press your face into the crook of his neck as you watch the droid self destruct, effectively taking out the platoon and securing a way out for your group.

“IG did this for us,” Din soothes. “He did this for the child. We’re almost out of here.” His words are reassuring but you still feel slightly uneasy, the feeling growing in the pit of your stomach.  Somehow, now, this all seemed too easy.  

The light is blinding as you exit the tunnel and you have to squint to take a look around. Stormtroopers litter the ground looking like broken toys, obviously having lost against IG-11′s destruction.  An engine roaring overhead captures everyone’s attention, and a tie fighter comes into view.  “Moff Gideon!” Cara yells. The engine’s roar is so deafening, it almost brings you to your knees. Everyone takes aim at the ship, unleashing hell as he flies overhead before disappearing once again behind the mountain line.  “He missed!” Karga exclaims. 

“He won’t next time. Our blasters are useless against him.”  Din replies, knowing that he has to think up of something quickly to get out of this safely. He’s already put you and the child in too much danger already.

“How about your girl and the baby? Make them do the magic thing again?” Karga waves his hand in front of the child and it takes your entire being to keep yourself from rolling your eyes.  “Do the magic hand thing!” The child laughs as he waves back at the man happily, not understanding the severity of the situation.  Karga looks at you in exasperation.  “Well, I’m out of ideas.” 

“I’m not.” Din says, pulling the jetpack from beside him.  He attaches the heavy equipment to his back, the pack seeming to magnetize onto his armor easily. Before you can even stop him, he takes off, launching straight into the air as the Moff’s tie fighter dives over your group again.  It’s almost impossible to see Din from the ground, but you realize he’s harpooned himself to the ship.  You can barely watch as he whips around like a kite behind the ship before they disappear behind the mountains again. 

“Cara!” you exclaim, and the shock trooper looks over to you.  She sits you down immediately, noticing the color drained from your face. 

“Hey, hey” she appeases, attempting to calm you down. “He’s gonna be fine.  He’s got...he’s got too much to lose now.” She looks over you and the child. Her words do little to calm you down, and you feel your power simmering just under the surface, ready to burst out of control.  Cara seems to understand and tries to reason with you again.  “Look, you can’t do that right now. If Moff Gideon finds out you’ve got weirdo powers too, they’ll chase you until the end of time.” She places both of her hands on your shoulders and gives you a slight shake. “Please,” she tries one more time. “For the kid and for Mando.”  

Her statement grounds you and brings you back. You nod your head slowly. “I’m okay.” Cara looks at you in relief for a moment, before you both jump at the explosion overhead and watch as the Moff’s tie fighter crashes in the distance.  More importantly, you watch as the Mandalorian makes a less than graceful descent back to the ground. You take off in a sprint towards him.  

“Don’t ever do that again!” You yell at him, hitting your fists pathetically against his battered cuirass.  Din allows you the moment before enveloping you into his arms.  “I’m sorry,” he offers weakly. “But I had to protect you both.” 

“Maybe some notice would have been nice!” You stamp your foot down in frustration and Din can only laugh. You’re about as ferocious as a baby ewok. Cara and Karga make their way behind you, the realization that everything is over finally creeping in.  Karga promises the pick of the quarries to Din upon his return back to the guild while Cara states that she intends to stay on Nevarro for the time being to help with any stragglers. 

“Take care of them, will you?” Cara says to Din as she shakes his hand, and wraps you in a tight embrace before rubbing the child’s ear affectionately. 

“Or maybe, they’ll take care of you.” Karga offers.  Din looks down to you and the child once more before nodding to the both of them.  You offer a small wave to Karga and Cara before Din lightly pulls on your hand. 

“Ready?” He asks.  

“For what?” You look up at him, confusion in your eyes.  Din bends over swiftly, cradling you behind the knees as he picks you back up.  “Wait, are we...” You don’t even get to finish your sentence as he takes off into the air.  You shut your eyes tightly, completely taken off guard.  You feel a low rumbling in Din’s chest as your bury your face into his shoulder even more. “No fair!” you snap at him.  But he continues to laugh, a full bodied laugh that wraps around you like the finest fabric, warming you from head to toe.

“Open your eyes, Beautiful.” Din’s voice is full of happiness.  “Trust me.” 

You open one eye, and then the other, and the view below you is magnificent.  The desert plains seems to stretch on for miles, the sand glittering below you.  You never considered the oppressive desert terrain to be your favorite but the view is undeniably beautiful.  You hold the child closer to you as he also looks on in wonder, chittering away happily in your arms. 

As quickly as you are in the air, you begin to feel Din descend as the Crest comes into view.  He brings you back to the ground smoothly, the roar of his jetpack slowly diminishing to a dull rumble. Carefully, he places you back down on your feet and looks you over, assessing you for any injuries.

“I’m fine,” you promise him but you know he won’t be satisfied until he’s completely checked you over so you wait patiently. Happy with his assessment, he pulls you tightly to him, the child settling in between you.

“I’m sorry. I never should have put you through any of this. I never should have left you on Arvala-7. I shouldn’t have lied to you,” he explains. As much as you want to tell him he is forgiven, you allow him to apologize; to start new for the both of you. His hands come up to your face, his thumbs caressing your cheekbones tenderly. “I am so, so, sorry. I hope I can earn your forgiveness.”

You place your own hand on the side of his helmet. “You are already forgiven.” Din, once again, gathers you and the child to him, as if holding the most precious treasures in the world. And to him, you both are.

Although exhausted, you and Din give Kuiil a proper burial. After placing one final rock on his grave, Din places the ugnaught’s old leather helmet on top, marking his grave. You both stand there for a few quiet moments, fingers intertwined, as you send off your final thoughts to Kuill. You thank him one last time for protecting the child with his life and hope that he can rest peacefully.

You both make your way back to the Razor Crest and head into the cockpit where the child is waiting in his pod, going between playing with his silver ball and chewing on Din’s mythosaur pendant. “Hello, little thing.” You greet the child as you take a seat next to him. He instantly holds up both arms, making grabbing motions with his hands in a demand to be picked up. You let out a light laugh and indulge the child, cradling him to your chest. A feeling of relief washes over you, something you haven’t felt since before Karga sent his message to Din.

Din takes in the scene before him and has never felt more greater joy than in this moment. However, he knows that he can be even happier, if he could just gain the courage to do so.

“A Mandalorian is able to show his face to his clan,” Din hesitates, his eyes trained on your face and watches you break your gaze away from the child in your arms as you look to him. He sees a beautiful smile grace your lips and his breath is taken away.

“Din, that’s wonderful.” You take one of his hands in yours and give him a squeeze before handing the child off to him. “I’m sure the child will be so excited to know what his father looks like beneath the helm.” You move to get up, hoping to give Din and the child some time to themselves. However, as you try to take a step away, Din holds you firmly in your place and you look back to him, slightly confused.

“I’ll just be...” you attempt to explain but he cuts you off.

“You misunderstand me, Beautiful,” he starts again nervously. “A Mandalorian’s clan includes his children, foundlings,” Din takes a big breath before leaving his pilot’s chair and kneeling before you, “and also his wife.” He takes his hand away for just a moment to remove something from his side. You peer over through watery eyes but he returns to face towards you again before you can see what he was searching for. He presents to you a simple chain with a mudhorn to match the one on his pauldron. Din Djarin’s clan signet.

“You are everything to me. Never, not even in my dreams, did I think I’d ever find someone like you. I had resigned myself to traveling the galaxy alone, getting by from planet to planet. I only existed before you. But you have shown me how to live, Beautiful. And if you will have me, it is my greatest wish to live each day with you, side by side, for all the days that we have. I have loved you for longer than you know, and I will love you even after my last breath.”

Happy tears flow freely from your eyes and you wrap your arms around him and the child. You nod your head yes and the Mandalorian lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. He clasps the necklace around your neck and he lays his hand over it where it rests on your chest.

“How does one marry a Mandalorian?” You muse.

“Just a few spoken words, a promise between the two of us to bind us together as one,” Din murmurs against you, still dazed at the fact that you said yes.

“Here then, right now,” you urge but you can sense hesitation from the man before you. “Unless...that’s not okay? I know I must look awful...” you trail off but are quickly cut off.

“No! No. You are always a vision of beauty and I can never deny you. I just want to give you everything you deserve.”

“I can’t think of a better place. This is the place where I realized I loved you,” you confess, extending your arm out into the cockpit. Din’s eyebrows shoot up from behind his helmet and you continue as if you can sense his surprise. “The late nights talking in here and learning more about you, realizing the kind of man you are...I can’t tell you exactly when I did fall in love with you but I can tell you I realized it here.” You lower Din’s helm to your forehead.

“Here then,” he affirms. The child looks in wonder at the both of you and you can’t help but feel that he understands what he is witnessing. Soft whispers of promises pass your lips and you listen as Din makes his own promises in Mando’a and the tone of his voice is so filled with love it washes over you. He doesn’t speak it often and even if you don’t know the words, you still somehow can understand. He will give you the stars if you asked. He will protect you with his life. And he will be with you until the end of time.

Din slowly brings your hands to his head, and together, you lift his helmet off. Your breath catches as he finally reveals himself to you. His skin is tan and smooth, smudged here and there with dirt and sweat, reminding you what you all just endured. You smile at the scruff along his defined jaw and upper lip. His nose is straight with a strong bridge. When your eyes finally lock as his helmet is removed, the wave of emotion is almost too much. Beautiful, brown eyes filled with adoration look down at you and it takes everything for you to remember to keep breathing.

“I’m sorry if I’m...” Din begins but you are quick to silence him with a finger to his lips. He presses a quick kiss to it as a boyish grin forms.

“You are a beautiful man, Din Djarin.” You concede. Your smile widens and matches his own as your explore his face with your eyes and your hands. “I know this face,” you tell him. He holds your hand against the side of his face and you feel him melt into you.  Gently, he tips your chin up with his hand and you share a soft, sweet kiss.  You’ve had more passionate and heated kisses with each other to be sure, but this one is different.  This one is so saturated with love and promise it almost makes you weak in the knees. 

Small chirping breaks your moment and you both laugh at the child, demanding to be lifted higher. You take him from Din and hold him in front of you, eye level to Din.

“Hey, womp rat,” Din greets him as he smooths the wrinkles on the child’s forehead. The child brings his hand to Din’s face, taking a moment to consider the new face but instantly recognizing his father.  Din feels a wave of emotion course through him, not only because it is the first time you and the child are seeing his face, but it is also the first time he can truly see you both as well.  No helmet, no blindfolds, just you, Din and the child wrapped up in each other’s arms. As it should be. 

“Ratiin,” he murmurs to himself more than anything, but notes the question in your eyes.

“Always.” 

@momc95 @electricprincess888 @maia-hocane @lamnothome @highonsoundwaves @tedpicklez @renreypoe @mabelleen @cryptkeepersoul @holamor @mando-vibes @lustriix @katialvi @spookyold-saintjm @sarcasm-n-insomnia @awesomefandomsunited @sentimental-ghost @mrsparknuts @oloreaa

[pan0ramy]

re8 thought dump because YE

i feel like this was almost inevitable but idk where else to talk about resident evil village so i’m just going to rant about it here!!! i have,,,, a lot of thoughts on this game after being so excited for it for so long

obviously, massive spoilers if you haven’t finished the game. i feel like i have thoughts on pretty much everything so please please please stay clear of this post if you’re trying to stay blind

otherwise, let me just rant about this game for a bit - mainly the story and characters - because i have Thoughts™

(also i feel like it goes without saying but this will be probably be quite long, so. strap in, ig)

okay SO. the whole intro was pretty interesting - even though we’d seen bits of it in trailers, it was still pretty unnerving and felt like it came out of nowhere. but the first thing that really stood out was the first village section with the hordes of lycans; i didn’t expect this game to start freaking me out so quickly but JESUS my blood pressure went up fast. 

there’s so many of them coming at you at once, and not only have you just lost half your damn hand, you’re not really used to the gunplay at that point AND you don’t have that many weapons at your disposal. so it’s basically just “hey we’re throwing you into this ring of death, good luck surviving!” which... now that i think about it, that really sums up the whole game lol

but for the most part, the early parts of the game are what we saw in the demos, so there’s nothing too new - it was nice getting to see the scene with all four lords and mother miranda, though. i wasn’t sure how the whole chase scene with the lycans would work - i thought heisenberg’s area was going to be some sort of mine, and that the chase would take place there - but it didn’t, and it was interesting regardless of it being so short. 

but the castle. THE CASTLE. 

i would be lying through my teeth if i said i wasn’t excited for dimitrescu like everybody else; i’m firmly in the camp of people who both meme about how attractive she is, and then also the people who legitimately find her attractive, soooo i kinda had high expectations going in? 

and sure, the castle section is only part of the game, but if there’s anything that makes me nervous most, it’s stalker enemies. resi 2 remake was actually pretty tough for me to get through because of how anxiety-inducing mr x was, and even though i don’t feel like she was as present as mr x was, lady d was still great! there were a good few times where you could hear her walking around and you just knew she was searching for you, which was really damn cool.

also, i know capcom had a lot of hype to live up to with lady dimitrescu, but goddamn they did such a great job with her. she’s so imposing but badass and just... really damn cool? like i honestly found myself being excited for her to show up rather than being scared. i just think she’s neat! I MEAN LOOK AT HER.

(also yes i know the whole internet has talked about how attractive she is, but can we just. appreciate that for a second???? she’s gorgeous and yall can’t tell me otherwise. like. bro ik the pronunciation is wrong but the way she says dimitrescu made me GASP i love this powerful vampire woman)

if anything, though, i... actually felt really bad that her story ended up the way it did. i mean, think about it: you break into her house, kill the three people she’s grown to consider her daughters, rob her shit, and then kill her? she technically goes through the same kind of parental grief that ethan does, in a way, which is a really interesting parallel. grief seems to be a theme that capcom really pushed for this game, and it works. 

also, her boss fight design is badass. she’s literally a dragon, how is that not incredible

so the castle was great, where could the game go from here? oh, i don’t know, how about gOOD OLD FASIONED FUCKING TRAUMA.

jesus christ the dollhouse GOT TO ME.

i’m pretty used to horror in general; i love horror games, movies, books, you name it. i’ve gone to horror movies where people have ran out because of fear all while i’ve sat there giggling the whole time. but the dollhouse? that dollhouse is FUCKED. i can’t remember the last time i watched someone play through a horror game and was so... on edge the whole time. the fact that they keep you waiting for so long with nothing happening just... makes the atmosphere incredibly uncomfortable, and then when shit does start going down, it goes down fast. in other words, jesus fucking christ that baby will haunt my nightmares until the end of time

basically capcom managed to make the n*zi baby joke from south park: the stick of truth legitimately terrifying, and i was glad to see donna die. moving on.

moreau’s section is the one i... actually don’t have as many thoughts on. it’s cool, sure, and the whole idea of him turning into a fish when he hits water is neat - it’s definitely a good callback to re4 - but idk, it didn’t really scare me that much. i can see it scaring those with a fear of water or the ocean, for sure, but eh. i thought the designs were cool, but i kinda tuned out a little here.

heisenberg, though, was anything but. the entire time leading up to village’s release, this guy has fascinated me for some reason. i don’t know if it’s because he’s the most normal-looking of the four lords, or the fact that he has telekinesis, or his amazing voice acting (seriously i know some people have shit on his VA but oh my god i adore it) or what, but this guy stood out to me from day one. i even went into the game expecting him not to die tbh. but no, he does, and his fight is pretty damn cool all things considered. only in a resident evil game could you have a mech fight and have it not feel out of place lol

also this line ^^^ legitimately made me laugh so hard i almost choked on my water. THE FACT HE TURNS AROUND AND APOLOGISES SO MEEKLY its fucking hilarious to me

but anyway.

similar to alcina, though, i was left with one big question about heisenberg - what did mother miranda do to him to get him to join her impromptu familly? he said himself to ethan that he didn’t want to join, so what did miranda do that didn’t give him a choice? did he have a family at some point? is he grieving too? what did miranda take from him? i can only hope this gets answered in the dlc, because it’s by far one of my biggest questions surrounding all of this. i may very well have missed it somewhere, and at least we know he has his telekinesis abilities thanks to miranda, but it’s a question that’ll definitely be on my mind going forward.

at this point, though, the story REALLY gets insane. it’s really nice how village decided to just continue on straight from what 7 did, and i’m very glad that everyone’s theories about chris being a werewolf were wrong - it’s a really nice spanner to throw in the works. if anything, the whole revelation of mother miranda disguising herself as mia the whole time since rose’s birth was really cool, and ethan being Mold™ the entire time was pretty neat too - it made a lot of things both in 7 and village make more sense.

what i’m still digesting, though, is the ending.

...man, capcom, you put poor ethan through all of that and then you have the balls to actually kill him? i mean shit, you made us think he was dead for a whole 20 minutes but then nope! he’s alive! but then nope! he’s dead again! i did see someone point out that at least ethan got to go out on his own terms, but dammit i would’ve at least liked for him to get to see mia one last time. i think it would’ve softened the blow a little more. but i guess that ties into the whole grief theming this game has going for it, and like i said, i probably just need some more time to digest it. 

i don’t dislike the ending, it’s just a very big culture shock - it’s definitely a ballsy move, and i really respect capcom for going all out the way they did. they really held back on nothing in terms of this game’s story and i absolutely love it. it was so, so worth the wait in that regard. 

and tbh that’s kinda how i feel about the whole game in general; it was super super good, very much worth the wait, and i absolutely cannot wait to see where resident evil goes from here. i have a gut feeling this’ll end up being one of my absolute favourites in the series, which i know is very high praise, but i really do love it that much. i wasn’t disappointed with much in this game, if anything at all. it’s just a super fucking good video game man idk what else to say at this point

[ilguna]

Belamour - Chapter Five (f.o)

summary: they say the odds tend to favor those who need them. well, they were wrong.

warnings; swearing, murder plot ig

wc; 8.7k

NOTES: i give reader a last name to fit the world.

–

The second that you walk into the apartment, you’re surprised to see that the place is entirely clear, except for the avoxes that stand off to the side. There’s not even a note left behind. You find yourself grateful that you aren’t being bombarded with questions right as you walk in.

Finnick is, of course, nowhere to be seen. Assuming that he’s in his room like he normally is after long days, you head straight to your room, dreaming of a cold shower and a moment alone to your thoughts. After what happened this morning, you think you’re in need of a good moment alone to your thoughts.

The second you step in, you see that Finnick is sitting in front of your window. You know Finnick said that you have a good view and all, but that doesn’t mean that he has to come in uninvited, especially when you’re not here. You don’t say anything, and he barely acknowledges your presence.

He watches you disappear into the closet, and you don’t peek your head out once to get a look at him. Instead, you gather your clothes for after the shower. When you step out of the closet, Finnick is now turned to you, legs straight in front of him. 

“Are you still going with the careers?” he asks.

The entire wording of the sentence makes you bite the inside of your cheek, staring right at him. He can’t be serious, right? But the longer that he stares, without saying a single word and not laughing once, makes you boil.

“That was the original plan, wasn’t it?” you ask sourly, throwing your clothes onto the freshly-made bed. Your right hand forms into a fist, and you place it on your hip, “That was our original plan.”

“It was, you’re right. But I think I’ve changed my mind.”

“I know, and I knew days ago. I’m not stupid, Finnick. In fact, I’m a whole lot smarter than you think.” when his eyes drift to the window, clearly not wanting a lecture, “Your alliance is going to get you killed.” you snap, watching his eyes find you again, “But you don’t know that, because you’re too caught up in making best friends with people that are going to die.”

“You don’t know that.” he says back.

“You’re accepting defeat.” you gather your clothes in your arms again. You don’t need him around you, not with that mindset. If he accepts the fact that he’s okay with dying and letting his friends win, then that’s his problem, “You’re a sinking ship.”

“No, you are.” he says, and you turn your back to him, “What would your brothers say?”

“They’d say to do whatever it takes to come back alive. If that means teaming up with the people that’ll carry me for most of the games, then so-fucking-be it.” when you look at him again, he’s halfway to the door.

“No, they wouldn’t.”

“You don’t know a damn thing about me, Finnick!” you shout, slamming your hand into the wall on your way out of the bathroom, “You’ve talked to me for years and it’s like you’ve learned nothing. They told me I can win. And I can, and the process will be a whole lot fucking easier without you in the picture.”

His eyebrows push in, mouth opening, but you finish, “So yeah, I’m with the careers, and I fit in just fine. Get the hell out of my room and stay on your side of the hallway.”

You watch to make sure he leaves, and then for good measure, you lock the doors shut. Your shower is cold, and it feels even colder after what had just happened. You sit on the floor, forehead on your knees as you close your eyes. Your body begins to cool down, no longer feeling so warm. 

You’d really wanted to come in here to think about this morning, worried about the nightmare resurfacing only days before the games. It’s recurring, and typically happens when you’re about to enter a part of your life that you’ll never be able to go back and change.

The first time that really happened was when your mom died giving birth to Alyssum. You went from having her around in the house after school, to her being gone completely. She was replaced by a baby that you loathed for months, until you realized that she wouldn’t be so bad once she got older.

There was a tension between you and your brothers even before your dad died. When he did, it broke it entirely. All of you were broken, and you buried a casket without a body. It was a fishing accident, a handful of fishermen had died. No bodies recovered, the boat was never found. One day you had a parent, and the next you didn’t.

The recurring nightmare is normally drowning out at sea. The boat malfunctions and sinks, and you swim for as long as possible, sometimes trying to get back to land. But it’s always too far away and you never seem to find it. In fact, you’re turned around most of the time. So, you could be swimming away or parallel to the land and you’d never know.

You’re a fantastic swimmer, it’s the worry of getting tired and giving up, slowly sinking into the deep blue depths. You run out of air and will to swim, limbs becoming heavy. By the time you take in your first breath of water, you always seem to realize that you don’t want to die. But it’s impossible to swim back up to the top. You drown every single time.

It’s exhausting. There’s some point where you always recognize that it’s a nightmare but can’t wake yourself from it. You have to go through with drowning, and wake up with puddles of sweat on your sheets. Normally after them back home, you won’t bother with a shower or bath. Instead, you’ll go out and do some mind-numbing task that you’d never do willingly. Like fold the laundry or do the dishes.

You scrub your skin free of all the grime of today, and when you’re dressed you go ahead and lay onto the bed, back turned towards the window because of the sunlight. It takes a long moment before fatigue finally drags you under, and when it does you’re so incredibly grateful. 

Anchor is the one to come and wake you up this time. He tells you that dinner is ready, and that Laurel and Pleurisy are here so don’t be shocked. You thank him, and when he leaves the room, you go straight to the bathroom to fix your messy hair. After trying to brush through it, you give up halfway through and pull it up.

At the table sits everyone but Mags and Finnick. You pick the seat furthest from the two open spots, and slowly but surely, the others settle in, leaving two open spaces. You pick at the lamb stew and rice, not too hungry because you just woke up. Mostly, you listen to the conversation between Elysia, Laurel and Pleurisy, until they all turn they all turn their attention to you.

“How was the session?” Anchor asks, he’s playing around with red wine, you think, “We couldn’t ask earlier.”

Your eyes move to the hallway, you see no shadows, “I don’t want to give it away if he’s listening.”

“He’s not, I promise.” Elysia says.

You take a deep breath, stirring the soup, “Well, I had their full attention the entire time. They kinda laughed at me when I stopped in front of the knife throwing because of how bad I was yesterday.”

Elysia gasps your name, and Anchor seems disappointed too. This is exactly the same reaction that the gamemakers had earlier. Until they saw you throwing the knives, the room went entirely quiet and all you could hear was your heart pounding in your ears and your quick breaths. It was entirely satisfying to leave them speechless like that.

“But out of the nine knives I threw at the dummy, I only missed two, above the shoulder and between the legs.” you twirl the spoon handle between your fingers, “I got a few vital places, that’s all that matters. I was mostly focused on the legs towards the end because that’ll hinder running away.”

Laurel’s got a smile on her face, “Is that it?”

“No, I used the tenth knife on the spear throw and I still nailed the middle. It had to be at least fifty feet or more.”

“That was smart.” Anchor says, “To keep that as your skill.”

“Really, it was my first time throwing. I’m surprised I didn’t miss more.”

Before they can ask anymore questions, a door is opening and Mags appears in the hallway first with a quiet Finnick trailing behind. Automatically, the mood seems to sour. When they try to drill Finnick next, he shuts them down immediately, making it all the more worse. You think it’s clear to them now that you and him aren’t getting along. It was a matter of time.

After dinner, you’re brought to the living room where you sit next to the arm on the right side. Anchor sits to your left, yawning and eventually leaning on his elbows on his knees. Mags and Finnick sit together on the other side, talking about something. And Elysia, Laurel and Pleurisy share their own couch, talking excitedly.

Then, Caesar Flickerman comes across the screen with a wide smile, saying that it’s time to get started. Naturally, it starts with District One, boys first. They’ll pull up a picture of the tribute, and have the numbers flash beneath. You watch as Lennox and Trink both get ten’s.

With Allio, he gets a nine, and Eytelle manages an eight. It’s typical for the careers to get anywhere from between eight to ten. So, Eytelle isn’t that far off but she’s teetering on the edge. You’d say it’s a way to make people underestimate her, so that they think she’s useless and therefore won’t be as worried about her, but the careers don’t work like that.

They want people to be worried, they want the sponsors to have their eyes on them. She just did something wrong inside of the session, and you can imagine that she’s not exactly happy right now. The next time you see her, she’ll probably talk about it.

Blaire scores an eight, Verda a six. The only reason why Blaire’s number is so high is probably because of the hand to hand he did on the second day. That was the only time you really saw him do anything physical, and he likely did that again inside of the private session. Verda isn’t much of a surprise, she’s small and pretty weak.

Then up comes Finnick, scoring an nine. There’s cheers for him, shaking his shoulder and congratulating him. The only reason why it’s impressive with him, is because of his age. It’s expected of the both of you, though. You’re District Four, not District Eight or whatever.

Your face appears on the screen, and you hold your breath. Heart pounding in your chest, you beg for anything above an eight. Something that’ll impress the sponsors, your career friends and everyone back home. Show them that you’ve learned something while you were here. Prove to your brother’s that you’ve got a fighting chance.

Below your picture flashes a ten.

You let out all the air you were holding in. The whole room seems to explode with excitement, feeling your shoulders shake, praise falling upon you. You guess it was for a number of things, the spear, the climbing, the hand to hand and the knives. All of those things combined did something to them.

You’re allowed to leave the living room. You give Laurel a hug and she assures you that tomorrow you’ll be beautiful and looking like you deserve a ten. Before you can actually leave, your arm is grabbed by Anchor, holding you back until Finnick has left entirely, and then turns you to him and Mags.

“You and him aren’t allies anymore, what happened?” Anchor asks.

It’s just the three of you here, and hopefully Finnick isn’t eavesdropping.

“I thought we had a plan with the careers, and I guess I was wrong. He changed his mind and never told me. I saw the people he was trying to be allies with, saw what he was trying to do, and decided that I’d rather go on my own. And I told him that earlier, after the session.”

Anchor nods, letting you go and looking over to Mags, “This is going to sway the citizens.”

“They still think they’re allies.” Mags agrees.

“Let it be a surprise, then.” you say, pulling on your fingers, “They all like a good plot twist, right?”

They don’t have a chance to say anything else, because you’re heading back to your room. You change into pajamas, steal a bowl of ice cream from the food station in the corner, and curl up by the window. You’re not all that tired because of the nap you took earlier. So, you’ll sit here and fantasize about being back home instead.

Your brothers and sister were probably gathered in a house with Naida’s family. Calandra probably brought sweets from the sweet shop in preparation of a high score. Even if you did score low, they’d eat it anyway. But you can imagine that they’re all thrilled right now, with some guilt mixed in too.

You’re only fifteen. So young to be scoring so high. And you’re about to be losing that precious innocence that you’ve been preserving for so long. Actually, you thought you’d get longer. That either you wouldn’t get chosen at all, or you would have been older and more knowledgeable about things.

They all must be conflicted. Celebrating the dangerousness of a fifteen year old child. Caspian is probably cracking jokes about it, much to Naida’s chagrin but Reed’s finding it funny anyway. It’s lightening the mood, and they all nibble on the sugar and try to ease the anxiousness in their bellies.

If they’re nervous, you can’t imagine how you’re feeling. You have tomorrow, the interview night, and then the morning of the games. Two and a half days before you’re inside of the arena.

After you finish the first bowl of ice cream, you go ahead and get a second one. There’s no point in worrying about a sugar rush. The higher you are, the better the crash will be and hopefully it’ll happen soon. You don’t want to stay up too late, but going to bed now will just mean you’ll be laying there for a while.

You hope that the score will ease their worries for one night and they’ll sleep soundly. One full night of sleep with no nightmares. Something that you’d like too.

When you’re done, you set the bowls together in a neat pile and then brush your teeth. You curl up on the bed, facing towards the window this time. You stare out of it, blinking occasionally until your eyes grow tired. Only then do you close them, and find yourself falling asleep quickly.

You wake by yourself in the morning. A look at the clock tells you that it’s nowhere near early, it’s fairly late. It’ll be reaching the afternoon in an hour or two. You should probably get up and take a shower.

With a groan, you stretch your muscles and stiffly make your way to the closet. You pick out an outfit that will be comfortable, and then move your way back towards the bathroom. The shower is quick and warm. Not wanting to deal with your hair in your face all day, you pull it out of your face once it’s semi-dry.

At the table, there’s one empty spot, far away from Finnick. You sit down, watch as a sandwich is given to you, and listen to what Mags and Anchor have to say, now that you’ve appeared at the table.

“You two will be working with Elysia today.” Mags says, “(Y/n) will start.”

You look over to Elysia to see she’s got a polite smile on her face, but when the corners of her mouth twitch, you feel hesitant all of a sudden, “For how long?”

“A couple of hours.” Elysia says, “Then I’ll work with Finnick.”

After eating, you’re brought right back into your room. Elysia disappears into your closet, and when she emerges, she’s got a floor-length dress and a pair of heels in hand. As you change, you watch as she moves some chairs out, and when you’re done, she immediately gets you to work.

You both quickly found out that you’re not half bad with the heels. You’re a little wobbly on some things, but the second after she corrects you and shows you a better way, you’re not wobbling anymore. She tells you that you shouldn’t ever pull the bottom of the dress up farther than your ankles if you need to. After walking, is literally everything else. 

She makes you sit up straight, has you smile on almost anything you say. If you were to make hand gestures, they have to be gentle and lady-like. And then she has you doing a series of sentences that are so drilled into your head that you’re sure it’ll be hard not to use them during the actual interview.

“How did I do?” you ask the end of the session.

“Better than the girl tribute last year.” she rubs your back on the way out of the room, “If you remember all of that tomorrow, you’ll win over sponsors just with your smile.”

You’re traded for Finnick, leaving you with your mentors. You have a small snack before sitting down in the living room with the two of them. You cross your legs, feeling the ache in your feet after walking in the shoes so much earlier. By tomorrow, the feeling will be gone. But for now it hurts.

They stare at you for a long moment, until Anchor snaps his fingers, “Sweet.”

“Sweet?” you ask.

Mags has a smile on her face, nodding in agreement, “Yes, that’ll work.”

“Sweet.” Anchor confirms.

You feel stupid, “Like, kind and nice?”

“Exactly that.” Anchor says, “You’ve already had that air since the tribute parade, it’ll be easy to play on.”

“What about my score?”

Mags has the answer this time around, taking a seat in a long armchair, “Mysterious.”

You hum, it can work. You can make it work.

With the interviews, tributes tend to play up a certain act. Cunning, mysterious, stern, dangerous, sweet, sexy, stupid, decieving, the possibilites are endless. It’s not a surprise that this is what they’re doing, finding an adjective that will fit you, and then demanding you to play that role.

Sweet is easy. As long as you don’t over-sell it, no one will suspect a thing. And Caesar can’t ask you why you got the score you earned, he can allude to it, though. That’s where the mysteriousness can come in. You can change the subject and make sure you leave everyone on the edge of their seat.

“Easy peasy.” you tell them, they look pleased with your compliance. It makes you wonder if Finnick was a nuisance, “So, what now?”

“Mags will ask you questions, and I’ll pretend to be the audience.”

The questions that Mags ends up asking, reminds you of all the years before. All those other interviews of hundreds of now-dead tributes. She’s definitely reusing some, and making some up by herself. You make sure to cross your legs, do the gentle hand motions and smile when you get the opportunity.

You give up information about back home, you know that’ll capture some of the audience’s heart. It always seems to scoop them up, you have family back home and they’re waiting for you. They’ll be at the train station with open arms and tears in their eyes. When you say this, Anchor’s got a wide smile on his face and encourages you to keep going.

You don’t push your luck. Mags then asks the golden question about how you, a fifteen year old, could have scored so highly. And you smoothly and slyly answer the question without really answering it, “Yes, it was a surprise to me too. I’m sure my family back home is excited.”

After the first round of questions is an intermission. “Very good,” they tell you, “now try complimenting the Capitol.” and so you do your best to try and make the Capitol admirable. But it’s hard, and it’s definitely a weakness. The entire time your mind keeps going back to that magazine on the train, and you struggle to not use the titles of the sections directly.

They see that this is hard for you, and instead suggest to keep it all vague. Mags starts again, and you’re doing much better this time around. By the time you’re done, you’ve got a headache, and your thighs hurt from all the chaffing of switching back and forth on your crossed legs.

At dinner, you eat a lot, enjoy the chocolate lava cake that’s served, and even get seconds while requesting ice cream. An idea pops in your head then. Since you’ve grown so comfortable, what would the harm be in trying to align yourself with the Capitol? When you ask your mentors this, they tell you that it’s a good approach, but will be hard with what you’re supposed to be doing.

Nonetheless, you note this and call it a night. You fall asleep easily, feeling exhausted after the day’s work.

When you wake, it’s because Cleo is ringing some annoying bell in her hand. Once she realizes that your eyes are open, she gives you an innocent smile and orders you out of bed. Today is the interview, and you need to get to it.

They shower you, pressing buttons that you’ve never considered before. Once your hair is like silk and your body is sore again, they pull you out. They lather you with the lotion, dry your hair and get to work. Laurel is nowhere to be seen, and Cleo tells you that she won’t be showing up until last minute, when you’re supposed to be wearing the dress.

You watch as they work together. Beth is sitting on the floor, holding onto your hand, applying baby blue nail polish to them. After one finger, she’ll spray something onto the nail, order you not to move it much, and then move onto the next finger. By the time she’s done with the first five and has moved onto the next, your nails are dry. She goes from your hands, to your toes.

Cleo blows bubbles of pink gum. She’ll pop it without flinching, ignoring the loud sounds that it makes. When she had first started the body spray paint, you were confused on what she was doing. Now you realize that she’s spraying on shimmery purple-blue scales here and there. A sort of mermaid effect, you guess.

Leo sits back at first, watching it all come together. Every now and then he’ll point out a spot that Cleo had missed, and she’ll go back and fix it. Soon, your nails are done and dried, no more scales are needed and they’re all heading to work on the most important part. Beth straightens your hair, and then curls the ends of it. When she sprays the hairspray it smells vaguely of vanilla and cinnamon, a smell you remember from when you first came onto the train. She pins half your hair back with a silver, wave-shaped comb. She lets a few hair strands occupy your face, but not enough to overwhelm you.

You don’t know what Leo does. For most of it, he makes you close your eyes. What he does comes in layers, until he’s eventually working at your eyes. All you know is that it has something to do with blue with the way Cleo is swooning over the color. Leo mutters something about glueing silver sparkles to the corner of your eyes to symbolize tears.

They put on fake eyelashes, and that’s the first time you’re allowed to open your eyes in thirty minutes. Before they actually let you get a look in the mirror, they cover your body in a soft glitter. Every time you move, you catch light and sparkle. One look into the mirror, and you’re instantly denying that it’s you.

They’ve accentuated a lot of aspects to your face. A sharper jawline, a slimmer nose and high cheeks. The blush makes you look childlike, but the blue makeup around your eyes with small pieces of glitter and big eyelashes completely ruins the idea. When you move your face from side to side, you can see a blue shimmer. They tell you its highlight. You’re not allowed anymore time in the mirror when Laurel arrives.

You’re not allowed to face anything reflective, so you end up in the corner of the room, facing the wall as you slip the dress on. There’s a clear difference in weight, considering you’ve been walking around in underwear for the past couple of hours. Cleo puts the shoes on for you, and when they’re done, they get to gawk at you before you get to see yourself a second time.

“Oh Laurel, she’s gorgeous.” Beth’s voice is soft, and she leans into Cleo.

“She’s going to completely sell it tonight.” Leo says, “There’s no way she won’t.”

“You’ll have them lined up around the block, (Y/n).” Cleo assures you.

“Give her the last of the accessories.” is all Laurel says.

More wave-themed jewelry. A silver necklace, a pair of earrings that look like water droplets, bracelets that are simply round or continuing the theme. And Laurel pulls out your mother’s engagement ring, slipping it onto your right ring finger.

“It’s been approved.”

In the mirror, you think you look like a princess from one of those books you read as a child. The dress is unreal, the whole experience feels unreal. 

The dress is off the shoulder, a beautiful baby blue, around the same color as your nails. It relies mostly on your upper arms to stay in place, and no matter how you move, it never slips. There will be no readjusting tonight. Your collarbones are clearly out for show, but there is no cleavage. That’ll be a win for your brothers, but a loss for the sponsors. 

Around the top of the dress are gems shaped like water droplets. They’re irregular in both shape and where they’re placed, making it look unpredictable. It makes you think of the days in Four where you’ll watch water droplets race down the window, always unpredictable on where and how fast they’ll go.

It’s long-sleeved but the material is mesh. It’s extremely breezy, and you know that you won’t be feeling hot on stage. It’s poofy, nowhere near skin-tight. The fabric on the top half of the dress creates wrinkles that end at the middle of the dress. More gems appear at the waist, before the bottom of it flares out. There’s a leg slit on your right leg, showing off the fake scales that don’t seem to smudge no matter how often it rubs against the material.

The inside of the dress is made up of silk, while the outside is mesh to give it volume. All together, the dress reaches just above the floor, so there won’t be any holding onto it when you move around. The heels that they had you step into are while, around the same height that Elysia had you walk around in. There’s thin, criss-crossing straps around your ankles, and they’re open toed too. 

Cleo makes Leo apply highlights to your collarbones, and then all four of them circle you like a pack of vultures to try and find anything out of place. They don’t find anything, Laurel is satisfied, and you’re allowed to leave the room now. You resist the urge to play with your curled hair, and instead go for your ring.

Your team is the last to arrive at the elevator, because everyone else is standing there already. Elysia gasps and immediately launches into compliments that you accept humbly. Deciding that it’s a nice time to practice what you had learned yesterday. Even Mags and Anchor are dressed up for the occasion.

You all squeeze into the elevator, with you and Finnick promptly up front. Finnick wears a snowy white suit, with an undershirt that’s the same color as your dress. You guess that Mags and Anchor have taken the plot twist idea into consideration.

At the base floor, you’re greeted with some of the tributes already lined up against the wall, ready to get on stage. The way it works, is that you’ll all be sitting behind center stage, but still in sight of all the citizens. When it’s your turn, or your name is called, you’ll get up and join Caesar in the center. When you’re done, you go right back to where you sit.

You’re going to be on stage for a long time. You’re just glad you won’t be standing the entire time.

You line up right behind Blaire, still playing with your ring. Him and Verda turn slightly at your approach. Verda is wearing a deep green color, and Blaire is in an all-black suit. They utter out a few quiet compliments to you and Finnick, the two of you returning the gesture.

Once everyone has arrived, you’re walking towards the stage in a single-file line. Even though you were sure you wouldn’t have to bring the dress up when you walk, you were thinking about solid ground. Not actual steps. You bring the bottom of the dress up just high enough to get up, and then quickly drop it back down again.

The seats are comfortable, and the gamemakers, and Capitol citizens point and whisper among themselves, excited about how you all look. You tuck the dress beneath yourself when you sit down on the soft, comfortable bubble chair. 

Staring out to the people is enough to make your heart jump in your chest. The entire place is packed, it’s like the entire population is here. For the ones who couldn’t make it, there’s cameras ready to catch every angle. People in the Capitol and districts have their tv’s on. Betters are eager to see their competitors, families anticipating the moment their member gets on stage.

Reed is probably huddled up right next to Mox and Caspian at Naida’s house. Just like the day with the training scores, they’re all together. Waiting for the moment they finally get to see you again, this time bedazzled and grown up. You look nothing like you did during the tribute parade. Then, you looked young. Now you look old.

Then, Caesar Flickerman is coming onto the stage, a white smile and a friendly wave to the crowd. This year, he’s got green all over his body. A light green suit, emerald green hair. The makeup on his face is some sort of medium between the two colors.

He warms up the audience first, and right after he’s calling up Trink. Her blonde hair is in waves over her shoulders, she wears a maroon dress that’s complemented with black and sparkles in the light. For an entire minute, she twirls a strand of her hair around her finger, until the fun questions are done and Caesar’s taking a dip for a more serious air. Now, you can see the viciousness.

“I am going to win Caesar. There’s no question about it.” and then she smiles, and lets out a laugh, and the tension is automatically diminished. She made it seem fun, but it’s like a threat. She’ll kill anyone in her way.

Lennox, Eytelle and Allio are all the same way too. You start to get nervous when Verda is called up, because it’s Blaire and then it’s you. She blushes her way through her interview, but leaves a lasting impression on the audience even after she sits. Blaire makes a performance, even you’re on the edge of your seat. He’s so easygoing that it makes him look like the interviewer and Caesar the tribute.

Blaire takes a seat, and you take a deep breath. Eyes are on you now. You sit up a little higher, letting the smile naturally come to your face. 

“Now onto District Four, with (Y/n) Gallows!” Caesar introduces, you carefully uncross your legs and stand from where you sit. His arm is outstretched in your direction. Every move you make towards center stage makes you feel nervous.

Three minutes starts the moment you stop in front of Caesar, shaking his hand. Your hands are surprisingly dry, even if they were wet, you wouldn’t be able to dry them off anywhere. 

You take a look out to the audience. So many people to impress--no. Actually no, not a lot of people to impress. You’ve already done that with your abnormally high score. Now you just have to sell it to everyone. Sweet and mysterious. Two things that can mix if you do it just right.

Your eyes glaze over the camera. Your brothers are watching. 

You can do this.

When you look at Caesar, he’s already giving you a daring look, “(Y/n), you are absolutely stunning tonight.”

“Me?” you ask, eyes widening, “Caesar, I am nothing compared to you.”

“I have to disagree. Don’t you, folks?” loud cheering follows.

You’re a little surprised that he isn’t taking the compliment. Normally with others, he takes it gratefully and ends up spinning it back to you. He’ll share the spotlight somehow. There’s a difference here. Something is different.

“I love that outfit. The running water effect is absolutely gorgeous.”

“Yes, I think so too. My stylist is very smart with her themes. She was even kind enough to incorporate my token.”

“Where?” Caesar asks, the audience seems to rile up at the thought. You hold your hand out for him to see, and he takes your hand in his delicately, turning to see the ring. Then, he shows the cameras and the audience, which projects onto a bigger screen for those who are too far away to see, “Does it hold any sort of significance?”

“Of course.”

He laughs, “Besides the fact that it represents District Four.”

“It was my mother’s engagement ring.” you begin to explain, “She wore it all the time before she died. My brother’s gave it to me as a surprise when they said goodbye. I think they were anticipating the day I’d get reaped, which is why they were holding onto it.”

Caesar looks sullen, as does the audience, “Do you think they’re watching back home?”

“I would hope so.” you laugh, he does too.

“Do you have anything you’d like to say to them?”

This is perfect. A perfect lead up to steal the hearts of everyone, and show them that you can be more than just sweet and slightly mysterious. You can be mean too, just like the other careers.

You find the nearest camera, smiling lightly at first, batting your eyelashes. You lift your chin, staring right into the lens. They better realize that this is personal, “I will come home to you. I will win for you. I miss you. I love you. And I will see you soon.”

Caesar doesn’t have a chance to say anything else, the buzzer is going off. The audience is loud, cheering and screaming. They jump to their feet, clapping and some even demanding for a little more time. Caesar pulls you in for a side-hug.

“Ladies and gentlemen, (Y/n) Gallows from District Four. Best of luck to you, (Y/n).”

“Thank you.” you smile, waving one last time to the crowd and turning right around to head back to your seat.

You’ve got the eyes of a lot of tributes. All either captivated or suddenly intimidated. Maybe they’re suddenly realizing what they’re up against. Everyone wants to get home, but you just told your family outright that you will win, after scoring a ten. You know something that the rest of them don’t.

Hopefully that’ll keep them on the edge of their seat.

Next up is Finnick, and you spend most of the time fidgeting with the ring, unfortunately not being able to tune him out. You try to get your thoughts to stir, imagining what your brother’s look like back home. But your mind is blank, and you’re forced to watch your former ally dazzle the audience.

It’s only a minute in and they’re already swooning over him. When Caesar asks if he should expect any surprises inside of the arena, you think Finnick alludes to the fact that you and him are no longer allies by saying; “Not everything is what it seems.” and then moves on before Caesar can ask.

Caesar doesn’t even skip over the fact that he’s handsome, “How many girls do you have falling over you at home?”

“More than you’d believe.” Finnick says, “Would you like me to name them?”

You realize then that his motive is casanova. There’s no other way to describe it.

Him and Caesar shake hands at the end of his interview, and Finnick sits down next to you with a smirk. Under his breath he mutters, “That’s how it’s done.” and you bite the inside of your cheek, resisting the urge to embarrass him right now by leaving him a nice, red handmark on his cheek.

At the end of the interviews, you stand for the anthem, chin directed upward because it’s required. At the end of it, you’re all filing off the stage, starting with the first district and others following behind it. By the time you reach the lobby, it’s crowded.

Before you can even make your way over to an elevator, Trink is slithering up next to you, tucking some hair behind her ear, “Here’s our formal invitation to have you be in our alliance.”

“I accept.” you smile, “I’ll see you tomorrow at the cornucopia?”

Allio lets out a laugh, “Are we going to race?”

“I’ll easily beat all four of you, don’t even dare.” Eytelle, and suddenly a small argument breaks out between you all. Lennox tells her that just because she’s tall, doesn’t mean she runs faster. 

She tries to back up her claim, but it’s too late and she’s rolling her eyes. You all have to split anyway, so you bid them goodbye and good luck, to which they do the same. The lobby has mostly cleared then, so you get onto an elevator with a couple of tributes you don’t know the names of, and get off at the first stop.

Inside of the apartment, you’re welcomed with the sight of everyone already at the table. Your mentors, the stylists, the prep teams, your fellow tribute and Elysia.

You skip up the steps, a smile on your face. You gracefully take a seat at the table, and it’s hard to make the smile go away. Not with how you were confirmed in an alliance with the deadliest tributes there is. You are golden. All your ducks have been lined up since the beginning, and now all you have to do is execute it.

When Anchor finally cracks and asks why you’re so happy, you tell them, “I have an alliance.” and let their thoughts take it from there. Dinner is loud, and animated. You listen as the prep team and the stylists talk about what they did and didn’t like on the other tributes. 

You decide it’s a good time as any to bring up the fact that Caesar didn’t accept the compliment, and Elysia agrees that it was a little odd. Then, they’re moving on to how well you sold the part, and how you didn’t even need to worry about the training scores. Cleo says, “Just because he didn’t mention it, doesn’t mean that people aren’t thinking about it.” which eases worries you didn’t even know you had.

After dinner, you’re allowed to watch the interviews over again. You have to admit that everyone sells their part very well. But the second you’re bringing up your dead mom and brother’s back home, you can hear Beth hold onto her breath and Leo is eating every moment up. You did good.

You part with your mother’s engagement ring for the final time, Laurel assures you that you’ll get it back when she sees you tomorrow. Her, Pleurisy and the prep teams all leave after that. The only people left are Mags, Anchor, Elysia, you and Finnick.

Elysia won’t be seeing you in the morning, neither will your mentors. She hugs you and Finnick tightly, and you want to apologize for the glitter on her now, but she doesn’t give you a chance to. She disappears off somewhere.

“Find water.” Anchor says, “Remember the three rule.”

The three rule, yes. Something one of the experts at a survival station had taught you the first day of training. Back when you and Finnick were still sticking next to each other. You can go three weeks without food, three days without water, three hours without shelter and three minutes without air.

You already know that water will be at the top of the priority list. You hope that it won’t be a struggle to find any. A while ago, the gamemakers seemed to have learned their lesson about not providing water for the tributes. They’ll all slowly die off like flies from dehydration. It doesn’t make much for a show.

“Right.” you agree, yawning.

They don’t offer much else besides luck. You carefully hang up the blue dress in the closet, and then you scrub your body in the shower. You watch as the glitter runs down the drain, as the body spray nearly stains your skin.

Your hair goes from stiff to silky smooth again. You try to take care of your hair the best you can when you step out, but you’re so tired that you give up halfway through and collapse onto the bed. With your back to the window, you can hear the distant celebration of the citizens.

You’re done with living easy. Tomorrow you fight for your life.

And your win.

--

In the early morning, it’s only Laurel that wakes you. She has you brush your hair and teeth, but tells you that there will be no breakfast in the apartment. You’re to be transported to the hovercraft immediately, and she’ll meet you at the arena. She hands off a yellow shirt and black pants that are similar to the outfit you wore on the first day of training.

It’s only a temporary outfit. What you’ll be wearing inside of the arena will be given to you in the catacombs below the arena. Either way, the outfit is comfortable and you have no complaints. She brings you to the roof of the Tribute Center, giving you a slight feeling of vertigo and wobbly legs.

A ladder falls from a hovercraft above. You think you’re expected to climb the entire way up, but the moment you’ve got up the first rung, you’re shocked in place. No matter how hard you try to move, you can’t. It’s a good thing. The ladder is pulled up, and no matter how hard it’s jerked, you don’t fall off.

Inside of the hovercraft, you’re fully prepared to be released, but it’s not the case. A man in a white lab coat with a syringe in his hand gives you a polite smile, “This is your tracker. It’ll only hurt for a second.”

You grit your teeth, still very frozen as he inserts the needle deep into your forearm. You can feel the metal tracking device being pushed in. If you weren’t kept in place, this would have made your toes curl and teeth break. When it’s in, you’re released and helped to your feet.

The ladder is dropped once more, and this time Laurel is helped up. Once she’s on her feet, she directs you to a backroom where breakfast is laid out. You go ahead and load up on as much as possible. This is the last real meal that they’re going to provide you with. After this, you don’t know when your next meal will be. 

Once you’re sure you’re full, you go ahead and drink a lot of water, too. Laurel lets you know that the ride is going to be long. For a while, you just watch as the city flies beneath the hovercraft, and then it eventually turns to a forest. You cross your fingers under the table, hoping that they’ve got an arena in favor of District Four.

Really, it could be anything. A frozen wasteland, a dry desert, a tropical island. Forest, city ruins, an old village. Every year, it’s a new place. This arena will only be used once, and after that it’ll be a playground for the Capitol citizens. To take vacations, go on tours, reenact fights.

Their deaths are always turned into some sort of joke. They don’t honor the dead, and you hope that one day that comes and bites them in the ass. It’s disrespectful. Back home, if you even did half the shit they do in the Capitol, you’d be yelled at until Reed’s face turned blue, and then be grounded for however long he feels like it.

Eventually, the windows black out, indicating that you’re almost there. You drink more water, and try to breathe evenly. The games start at ten, and you’d take a good bet right now that it’s an hour away. An hour before you’re inside of the arena. Now, the nerves begin to sprout.

The hovercraft lands, Laurel directs you back towards the ladder. She’s lowered into the catacombs first. You take this time to thank whoever is around you, just trying to be polite. When it’s your turn, you get frozen and you watch as you’re brought through a tube, down to the cement catacombs. From there, Laurel leads you to where your Launch Room will be.

The second you step inside, you begin to feel sick. You take deep breaths, reassuring Laurel that you’re fine and you just need to get a hold of your stomach. You pace, and press your hand against your forehead. She comes around with a cold water after that, and you mostly press it to your forehead, afraid that drinking it will trigger something in your throat.

When you feel better, Laurel makes you take a shower and offers last minute food. You take a small roll that’s the shape of a fish and tastes like salt. It reminds you of the time your mom bought you pretzels from the bakery one afternoon as a treat. You didn’t really like the salt, and had to brush most of it out. But you ate it anyway, and later you discovered just how much you liked it.

You brush your teeth, Laurel pulls your hair out of your face into a ponytail that you requested. You can’t have your hair in your face. You’ve seen all the years before where some tributes during the bloodbath will get their hair in their face while running. If you’re focused on getting your hair out of your face, then you’re not paying attention to your surroundings.

Finally, your outfit comes through in a box. Everything inside is brand new, and not even Laurel knows what’s inside. She didn’t get to choose this outfit, she tells you that you’ll be wearing the exact same thing as the other tributes. There’s complete fairness between all of you.

First is a sports bra and high-waisted underwear. She hands over a pair of black stirrup pants. It takes you a moment to get used to the feeling of the pants being directly attached to your feet. You’re worried about them being pulled down when you’re running, but out comes a thin, black belt to keep the pants from moving too much.

She gives you a thin, faded, blue-grey shirt, “Must be hot.” is all she says. Next is a jacket, which is also thin, but it’s white and has a hoodie attached. You pull on a pair of skin-tight socks. You do a series of motions, being sure that they won’t slide down. They don’t, but you pull them all the way up anyway.

The shoes are black boots, which you tie the laces tight. Once you’re sure that it’s not cutting off circulation, you make sure it all fits. You zip up the jacket halfway, not wanting it to get in the way of running. You have to go to the cornucopia, whether you like it or not. It’ll just be a whole lot easier if you get there first.

“Feels comfortable?” Laurel asks, you nod. Finally, she pulls out your mother’s ring and slips it onto your finger. 

She offers food again, and you ask for water. The two of you sit on the couch together in complete silence. You fidget with the ring, rub your hands against the jeans to get the sweat off of your hands. You’ll be fine, all you have to do is breathe.

This must be how all the tributes before you felt. How everyone after you will feel, too. Absolute terror of the unknown. The second you’re raised and the gong sounds, it’s fair game. Anything can happen. It’s like what you told Reed; the arena is unpredictable. One second you could be fine, the next you could be covered in injuries and fighting for your life.

“I want to go home.” you suddenly breathe out, tears gathering in your eyes, “I just want to go home.”

“And you will.” Laurel says, she’s extending an arm over your shoulder, pulling you into her side and rubbing your arm. This brings a whole new wave of sadness. It’s the exact move your dad did after announcing your mom was dead, “You’re a fighter, (Y/n). You’ve beaten the odds so far, what’s a little more?”

It’s not little, though. You want to tell her that, but all you do is nod. It’s not a little. You have weeks in front of you. Events around every single corner if the arena is boring for longer than a die.

Then, a female voice is saying it’s time to prepare for launch. You take a deep breath, clearing your eyes of the tears. You and Laurel head over to the metal plate. Before you step inside, she’s readjusting your clothes, fixing your hair. It’s such a motherly thing to do. To fuss over things she won’t be able to control in a moment.

“I know you’re not with Finnick.” She says, “So be careful with the careers. You don’t know them as well as you think you do. They can act on whims, and bad thoughts will lead to bad moves.”

You nod, “I know.”

“Good.” she hugs you a final time, you can feel the butterflies start to swarm your stomach and begin to suffocate for you, “I can’t bet on you, (Y/n). But the prep team and I will be cheering you on, okay?”

You step onto the metal plate, “Thank you, for everything.”

The glass cylinder comes down from the top, slowly beginning to encase you. It’s like shutting the lid on the coffin. You wonder if your dead parents are watching you, right alongside your brothers, sister, and family friends. You wonder if they have the same feeling of impending doom dawning on them.

You hold back the tears, wave goodbye to Laurel, and then you straighten up, chin high. You have to look bold for Reed. No matter how awful you’re feeling, you have to pretend right now. You can’t screw up the chance you got, because it’s all you have.

Soon, you’re encased in pure darkness.

[letterboxd]

Watching John Malkovich.

To understand better why Letterboxd members set out on quests to watch specific actors’ entire filmographies, we invited Tim Rod to describe her dangerous and seductive journey through John Malkovich’s screen history.

For many film lovers, 2020 has been a year of catching up: on franchises, on directors’ filmographies, on historical gaps and top 100s. But for some Letterboxd members, the year indoors has been an opportunity to hyper-focus on a single actor and their work.

Jeremiah Lambert is on a Bacon Fest, Naked Airplane has embarked on a wild ride through the works of De Niro, Hackman, Hoffman, Nicholson and Pacino. Joey is preparing for next year’s centennial of The Kid by churning through Charlie Chaplin’s catalog (with David Robinson’s biography Chaplin: His Life and Art in hand). A quick Twitter survey found others churning through a performer selection as wide-ranging as Burt Lancaster, Parker Posey, Maggie Smith, Nicolas Cage, Cary Grant, Kevin Costner, Robin Williams, Adèle Haenel, Alan Arkin, Sam Rockwell and a Seth Rogen thirst project.

It can be a bumpy journey. In one performer’s oeuvre the quality will range widely, the genres too. But the rewards are many in a close study of craft, and there are revelations, whether it’s that Australia’s Miranda Otto deserves more recognition, or it’s “the total acceptance, lack of judgment, and vulnerability with which Alan Arkin has played so many of his flawed and wonderful characters”.

With Christian Bale in ‘Empire of the Sun’ (1987).

In 2020, no fewer than three movies and two television series starring John Malkovich have been released: Arkansas, Valley of the Gods and Ava, as well as The New Pope and Space Force. The legendary actor has kept himself busy, and I know this because I have seen most of his filmography—41 films and two series—in the span of a single month. I adore Malkovich, always have, and I came out of this experience with a deeper admiration for him, and with some thoughts about his unique, remarkable skills as an actor. (And, I had a really good time.)

Allow me to begin by saying that John Malkovich is the best part of every movie he is in. No matter the movie, Malkovich will always steal the spotlight, and he can turn a good movie into a masterpiece, or an average movie that wouldn’t catch anyone’s attention into one worth watching, if only to see him do his thing.

He’s starred in movies that are considered masterpieces by many: Being John Malkovich (1999), The Killing Fields (1984) and Empire of the Sun (1987). Movies that may be considered the opposite of masterpieces, like Supercon (2018), Eragon (2006) and the most recent Ava (2020), and he’s also starred in some gems that I knew nothing about but am glad to have discovered, such as The Convent (1995), Eleni (1985) and The Ogre (1996). Malkovich has brought to life iconic characters including Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Tom Ripley, Hercule Poirot (in BBC’s The ABC Murders), the artist Gustav Klimt, and several of David Lynch’s people, in the short film Psychogenic Fugue (2016).

As Mitch Leary in ‘In the Line of Fire’ (1993).

Malkovich has received two Academy Award nominations, for Places in the Heart (1984), in which he played Edna’s lodger, the solitary yet kind Mr. Will, and for In the Line of Fire (1993), where he played the complete opposite: the psychotic Mitch Leary, determined to kill the President of the United States. Though Malkovich is not a classic action-film actor, his work in that genre is driven by logic, intellect and emotion, and the delicacy that he employs to challenge concepts of masculinity and keep us guessing. His soft and collected voice threatening Clint Eastwood over the phone is scarier and more effective than a deeper one would have been.

That voice. Malkovich has admitted that he hates the sound of it, that he would always avoid listening to it, just like so many actors avoid watching their own films, but I’m bewitched by his voice and I could never get enough of it. It can be tender, sweet and calming, seductive when the role requires it, and terrifying. With that versatility, it’s not surprising that he has done some narrating work as well, for films including Paul Newman’s The Glass Menagerie (1987) and Alive (1993).

Malkovich is at his best when seduction and villainy combine, as they do in Dangerous Liaisons (1988). Vicomte Sébastien de Valmont has been performed by many actors over the years, but I find Malkovich’s take to be the most memorable and exquisite. He captures perfectly the depravity and evilness of Valmont, but also the nuances, his journey from womanizer to man genuinely in love and, ultimately, his tragic redemption. He even brings a comedic aspect to the character that adds more depth and dimension.

With Glenn Close in ‘Dangerous Liaisons’ (1988).

Valmont is an awful human being, a monster even, and yet, every time I watch this movie, I find myself fascinated by his mastery of the deception, his sensuality and complete control of the situation, until the situation is “beyond his control”. In her review of the film, Catherine Stebbins calls John Malkovich “a sexual force of nature”, and I completely agree. If you want to see more of Malkovich’s sensual side, other notable mentions include The Sheltering Sky (1990), The Object of Beauty (1991) and Beyond the Clouds (1995).

And then there’s Being John Malkovich (1999), in which ‘John Horatio Malkovich’ displays so many facets of his craft. The fictionalized Malkovich is possessed by different characters, one of them a woman. Catherine Keener’s character falls in love with a subtly different version of Malkovich, when he is a vessel for Lotte (Cameron Diaz). Even though Lotte doesn’t have full control of Malkovich, he uses his femininity to bring the character-inside-the-character to center stage, delivering a subtle-yet-perfect performance. Even when we don’t see Lotte, we know she’s there.

John Malkovich as John Horatio Malkovich possessed by Lotte, in ‘Being John Malkovich’ (1999).

Not many actors could pull this off as brilliantly as John Malkovich does. To be fair, not many actors have been given the chance that Spike Jonze and Charlie Kaufman gave Malkovich: a film with his own name in the title.

I’ve discussed some of the most well-known of Malkovich’s performances, but I’d like to mention an overlooked one that I found heartbreaking and noteworthy. I didn’t know of the existence of The Ogre (1996) until I took a closer look at Malkovich’s filmography. It’s not without its flaws, but I found myself absorbed in the fairy-tale story of Abel, a naïve French prisoner of war who is taken to Nazi Germany and used to recruit children for Hitler’s Youth. Once again, the actor’s duality is on display, as Evan writes in his Letterboxd review: “Malkovich is both queasy and endearing as the (ig)noble simp who just wants to save the babies.” The Ogre tells a tragic story, but thanks to Malkovich’s tenderness, we can’t help but have sympathy for his character. At times it reminded me of the innocence of Lennie in Of Mice and Men (1992), another of the actor’s more noteworthy performances.

One of Malkovich’s great contributions to cinema is elevating an average movie just by being in it. One such role is as English conman Alan Conway in the bizarre true story, Colour Me Kubrick (2005). Malkovich admitted in an interview that he thought his performance was good, and I agree. If there’s one reason to watch that film, it’s to see Malkovich playing an eccentric conman who poses as Stanley Kubrick, using different voices and accents. As TajLV writes, “if there were anything to commend this film other than Malkovich, I’d happily rate it higher”.

As Alan Conway in ‘Colour Me Kubrick’ (2005).

One fun fact: I sometimes forget John Malkovich is American. Maybe it’s because he has starred in many European productions—out of the 41 films I watched, 18 were European. Malkovich is of European descent, has lived in France for a decade and speaks fluent French, which allowed him to star as the mysterious Baron de Charlus in Time Regained (1999), with entirely French dialogue. He also delivers lines in French and Portuguese in A Talking Picture (2003) by Manoel de Oliveira.

You’ve probably heard Malkovich use words, expressions and even entire lines of French dialogue on more than one occasion. He does this often, which gives him a certain European vibe, consistent with his own character, mannerisms and dress sense—elements that he sometimes brings to his characters. Maybe that’s the reason he has played so many intellectuals and artists: professors, scientists, detectives, painters, writers, a scientist and a robot, and even the Pope… It seems there’s nothing John Malkovich can’t do, including directing.

To end my marathon, I watched his directorial debut, The Dancer Upstairs (2002), an assured movie adapted from a novel about the Maoist uprising in Peru in the 1980s, starring Javier Bardem. It was a nice surprise, and a strong start to what could have been a career as a film director, if not for the fact that he doesn’t have the patience to do it again. I recently read an interview where Edgar Wright revealed advice he always gives to directors, which is to make their second movie the one that will define them. I wonder if we will ever see John Malkovich’s second film, but for now, I hope he keeps gifting us with more unforgettable performances. At least we know that in the distant future, along with all the movies he has already appeared in, people will enjoy a never-seen-before performance when Robert Rodríguez’s short 100 years is released in 2115.

If there’s one thing I have learnt after watching most of his filmography, it’s that John Malkovich is one of the best and most versatile actors of our time, with the most unique voice I have heard in cinema, and with a rich filmography that encompasses every genre. And he’s not only a brilliant actor, but also someone I find personally fascinating. I truly find comfort in him. I hope we all get to enjoy his art for years to come, because his talent is limitless and I know he still has so much more to give. John Malkovich deserves all the praise for being a force of nature in the theater and film industry for over 40 years.

Tim is a Letterboxd member based in Spain, who has recently moved on from her John Malkovich marathon to a Sacha Baron Cohen quest.

[lady-of-nightmares-and-heartache]

Gone

Summary: Din Djarin and Baby Yoda are trapped. Fighting ensues. Welcome to the pain train :)

Rated T: Violence, Major Character Death

Word Count: 5.122k

The Mandalorian had been in so many impossible shootouts, he started to lose track. Something about this one was different. He was surrounded by bounty hunters and stormtroopers alike, with Moff Gideon at the helm of the ambush. The Mandalorian had been in a situation like this all those months ago, with his friends at his side. Déjà vu was probably the correct term for how he’s feeling. Except, Kuill is dead, IG-11 is gone, Greef Karga is still on Nevarro, and Cara Dune isn’t here. It’s just him and the kid. 

“I don’t think I’m going to be able to get us out of this one Ad’ika,” he said, defeated.

The child’s ears drooped, and he cooed sadly. They were safe for right now, barricaded indoors. Din Djarin took a moment to check his weapons, while the kid cuddled up to his midsection. A blaster burn had scorched his collarbone, and he was doing his best ignore it. The adrenaline rush was helping a lot. 

He sent a message to Cara Dune for assistance a while ago, but he wasn’t even sure if she had gotten it yet. Hope that help was on the way, act like there isn’t. Suddenly he had an idea. He had three charges, and if he timed it right, he would be able to kill a lot of the enemies and it would cause a big enough distraction that he could take the kid and run in the opposite direction. This wasn’t a fight he’d be able to win, so escape was the only option.

“Okay Ad’ika. I need you to be quiet, and not squirm too much okay? We’re getting out of here.”

Mando tucked the child into the crook of his left arm. His pulse rifle was strapped to his back, and his blaster was snug in its holster. His heart was pounding. They only had one shot. He took a deep breath and tried to seem reassuring to his kid, who was looking at him with worried eyes. Din Djarin was nauseous. Now or never. 

He kicked open the door separating him from the Imperialists and their allies, and he threw a now active charge into the crowd of troopers closest to him and the kid. He didn’t wait to see how many the explosive took out. He turned and ran into the forest that backed the cantina he had used as shelter. 

The sound of blaster fire filled his senses. He did his best to dodge the shots, considering they were coming from behind him. After a couple near misses, he activated his next charge and launched it behind him. He heard the explosion and the satisfying screams of dying stormtroopers and bounty hunters. Good. It’s what they deserved.

He put more distance between him and the group chasing after him. They weren’t out of the woods yet. He had one charge left and didn’t want to use it to soon. The kid was relatively calm, the only indication that he was in distress was the distinct droop of his ears. His ship was still so far away, he was beginning to think that they weren’t going to make it. He kept running, his breathing getting sporadic, when a lucky shot hit him in the back of his left arm. The force of the blaster and gravity sent him stumbling forward and he dropped the child when his grip loosened as a reflex from the wound. 

The child squealed as he landed with a thud. Shit.

He dove back down to the child to protect him. The shooting stopped. That’s never a good sign. Gideon approached the pair but kept his distance.

“We don’t want to hurt the Asset, Din Djarin.”

Din grit his teeth. His name being spoken out loud (again) after all this time was unsettling. He didn’t trust Moff Gideon or any Imperial’s more than he didn’t trust droids, if that was possible. So, he called bullshit right away. The Mandalorian was never much of a talker, but if he had to talk his way out of this, so be it. He was desperate. Din was never desperate. First time for everything. 

He stood up slowly, his left arm hugging his chest. The kid was on the ground, clinging to the back of his leg, hiding from view. 

“Then tell me what you want with him. He’s a child.”

Gideon raised an eyebrow in surprise. It almost sounded like the Mandalorian was considering negotiations. He would indulge Djarin, and then he would kill him and take the Asset anyway. 

“We want to understand him. You know of his power, I’m sure of it. We want to discover why he has this power. He’s fifty, but young for his species. If we can harness that power, at a young age… the Empire could rise once more. We can’t do that very well if he’s harmed, now can we?” Gideon said. What the Mandalorian didn’t know, is that he was lying through his teeth. 

There were other Force users in the galaxy. The Empire, or a shell of the Empire would rise once again regardless of the asset. The asset posed a threat, however. The remaining Imperials had hoped to convert the Asset to their side, to ensure the longevity of the new Empire. If not, then the Asset was to be eliminated. Obviously, it was of more value alive, but Gideon had no qualms about putting an end to it here and now. 

“Give us the child, and you both walk away from this.” 

Din Djarin would not hand the kid over. He couldn’t. 

“Over my dead body.” 

“That can be arranged.” With no warning, Moff Gideon pulled out the Darksaber. 

Now acutely aware of just how hopeless this was, he activated his last charge and launched it into the crowd behind Moff Gideon. During the split-second distraction of the explosion, he pulled out his blaster and started firing. 

Gideon ducked behind his troopers, waiting. 

This was definitely the least pleasant fight the Mandalorian had ever been in. He couldn’t outrun them, so this was his last stand. He was essentially a human shield, using his Beskar covered body to protect his Ad’ika. 

Every blaster bolt that hit the Beskar made the armor heat up to the point where it was almost unbearable. Thank the stars that troopers were awful shots, or he never would have lasted as long as he did. He was surprisingly efficient; despite being relatively grounded to one spot (the kid still hadn’t let go of his boot). He was only a man though, and he was exhausted. A particularly nasty shot hit him just below the knee, where the Beskar didn’t cover. His leg buckled underneath him, and he hissed in pain.

 The kid chirped worriedly and started to peek around from behind the Mandalorian. 

“Don’t! Stay behind me, I’m fine.”

As usual, the kid didn’t listen to him, but Djarin was being overwhelmed. Every time he shot a trooper down, another one took its place. A sea of blaster bolts shot towards him at the same time. He couldn’t dodge all of those. The child came out from behind Din and raised his little arms. 

Time stilled. 

The blaster bolts slowed in their approach towards the Mandalorian and stopped mere centimeters from him. The child opened his eyes, and with a flick of his tiny wrists, sent the bolts careening backwards. Many hit their marks. A lot of them scattered, seeing the Force in action for the first time. It helped but it wasn’t enough. Oddly, the kid didn’t pass right out. Maybe he knew how dire this was. The kid was a warrior, protecting the injured Mandalorian from getting shot again. Din resumed shooting at the plethora of stormtroopers that remained. 

What he didn’t see, was that Gideon had snuck around to the side of the child and the Mandalorian. With a blaster in one hand, and the Darksaber in the other, he was hard to miss. They noticed too late. Gideon leveled his blaster, aiming at the space in between the Mandalorian’s helmet and his pauldron. If his aim was true, he’d hit Din clean through the neck. An inevitable kill shot. 

The child launched another volley of blaster bolts back into the stormtroopers. Moff Gideon shifted his blaster and pulled the trigger.

 The Mandalorian watched in horror as the child flew backwards, and light green fluid soaked through his robes. When his Ad’ika hit the ground, eyes closed, and unmoving, Din Djarin saw red. 

With strength he didn’t know he had, he got up on his feet and turned towards Moff Gideon. If looks could kill, Gideon would be dead a hundred times over. He ran towards Gideon, rapidly firing at him. Swinging the Darksaber, Gideon managed to block the shots. 

The Mandalorian was simmering with rage. He would never be able to get close with the Darksaber in Gideon’s possession. He thought fleetingly of Xi’an. Switching his blaster to his left hand, he yanked his vibroblade out of his boot. He kept shooting, distracting the Moff who clearly wasn’t entirely experienced with the unique weapon. Xi’an taught him to be almost as precise with small blades as she was. The anger that fueled him, made up the difference. With all the hate and anger he could muster; he skillfully flung the vibroblade so it slashed Moff Gideon across the throat. Gideon’s eyes widened in shock, and he sank to his knees. The Darksaber slipped from his grasp, deactivating before it made contact with the ground. 

The Mandalorian stormed forward and retrieved his vibroblade from the ground. He eyed the Darksaber and picked that up too. He made eye contact with Gideon, who had a silent plea forming on his lips. 

‘End it.’ 

That was too easy. Gideon was going to choke on his own blood (good), and it was still too pleasant of a death for him. Din Djarin activated the Darksaber. 

“This belongs to the Mandalorians.” 

Rapid fire could be heard from behind the Mandalorian and he whirled around, saber raised. Some of the tension poured out of his shoulders when he realized that backup had arrived. Cara Dune was piloting a gunship, raining hellfire on the stormtroopers who just watched one of their bosses get killed. 

Djarin was going to be relieved, but he remembered why he killed Gideon. Anger bubbling up again, he examined the Darksaber that was now in his possession. He would make quick work of this. Adrenaline at an all-time high, he ran right into the sea of stormtroopers, putting the blade through anyone that was close enough. He went absolutely feral. He may have gotten shot a few times (again), but if he did, he didn’t notice. 

He cut down stormtroopers one by one until there was only a handful left. Cara had landed the ship in a clearing and raced towards the scene with her blaster drawn. She shot down the remaining troopers and scanned frantically for Din. When she saw him, she was unsettled? Maybe scared was a better word. His back was towards her, so she had to get closer to realize what was going on. He was beating the shit out of a stormtrooper who was clearly, very dead. 

“Mando?” she approached him worriedly.

He ignored her. Or maybe he didn’t hear her. She couldn’t tell. He was unhinged, that’s for certain. She put her blaster in her holster and continued to cautiously creep near him. The last thing she wanted was to startle him.

“Djarin?” 

The only answer she received was a grunt, but that was probably because he kicked the fallen trooper. She noticed an unhealthy amount of crimson darkening his sleeve, his collarbone, and his leg. That doesn’t include the blood dripping down his breastplate. She didn’t know if it was his own or the stormtrooper’s. Probably a mixture of both. 

“Din!” 

In the blink of an eye, he had the Darksaber pointed at her throat. She put her hands up in an attempt to placate the Mandalorian. She couldn’t see his face, but turmoil was radiating off him in waves. As if he suddenly realized who he was threatening. He deactivated the Darksaber and dropped it at his side. 

He swayed unsteadily and collapsed. 

“Whoa!” Cara rushed to his side. “Are you okay?”

He couldn’t answer. How could he?

“That sword. That was the one Moff Gideon stole right? Where is he?”

Din raised his good arm shakily and pointed in the direction she just came from. She helped him up, and they slowly trudged to Gideon.

 “It's okay, I gotcha.”

About twenty feet from where Gideon was slain, Djarin stopped moving. He pointed in the same direction that they were going but made it clear that he would not be accompanying her. Cara gave him a quizzical look but figured that he was more hurt than he let on, so she let it slide. 

“I’ll be right back,” she said, what she hoped sounded reassuringly. What the hell happened to make him like this? He seemed detached. Like he wasn’t all there. She saw Gideon’s body, and smiled grimly. The son of a bitch was dead. Brutal death, but it was probably better than he deserved. 

Satisfied, she returned to the Mandalorian, just to find him on his knees, his back towards her once again. If she squinted, she could have sworn that she saw him shaking. 

As she neared him, she could tell he was holding something small. Halting to a stop right behind him, she peered over his shoulder and her heart sank, a strong wave of nausea hitting her. 

“Oh god,” she groaned.

She understood now. The kid. He was gone. 

Din just stared at the child, his brain short circuiting. He heard Cara call his name. She was right behind him, so why did she sound like she was a million miles away? 

“Din? I’m going to get your ship, okay? I had to crash the gunship and I passed it. I’ll bring it back here and then we have to leave.” 

She had to give him time alone. Nothing may change, but he certainly wasn’t going to react or do anything if she was around. He needed time. It wouldn’t be enough, but she wasn’t sure all the time in the world could help him now. 

Once Cara was gone, Din cradled the child close to his chest. 

“Ad’ika,” he murmured, “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

His voice was tight with emotion. He had spent decades learning to stuff his feelings in a box and throw away the key. He wasn’t about to stop now. 

“Ni kyr'tayl gai sa'ad,” he whispered. He should have said it sooner.

By the time Cara made it back, the Mandalorian was back on his feet. He had laid the child to rest in the forest. She didn’t expect him to answer, but she had to ask after he boarded the Razor Crest. 

“Are you okay?” she regretted it as soon as she asked. Of course, he wasn’t okay. In a weak attempt to cover it up, she added, “Physically?”

He was in the cargo hold of his ship, where Cara had joined him once she put the ship on autopilot. They were going back to Nevarro. He was sitting on the floor, his head tilted back against the wall. He was quiet for a moment. 

“I’m not sure. I can’t feel anything, so that’s probably not good.” 

Cara blanched. He was probably in shock. She didn’t know if it was because of the kid, or the amount of blood he lost, or the trauma of it all. Before she could ask another question, he blacked out. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Djarin woke, he wasn’t on the Razor Crest. His arm was in a sling, and there was a bacta pad on his collarbone and his leg. He hurt everywhere. Groaning he sat up, and it all came rushing back. 

“Oh good, you’re awake.” Greef Karga was sitting by the end of the cot. “You had Cara and I worried there.” 

“I take it we made it to Nevarro okay?” His voice was surprisingly steady.

Cara came in with food, and a jug of water. 

“Yeah we did. Listen, you’ve been out for a few days, so you need to eat. Karga and I will leave you be for a while, but then we need to talk.”

Djarin nodded his head once, in silent confirmation. Relieved that he didn’t put up a fight, his friends shuffled out of the room. In one swift motion, he pulled his helmet off and placed it on the bed next to him. The rest of his Beskar was cleaned and placed neatly in a pile on a table in the corner. His stomach growled and he noticed how hungry he was. He did his best to eat slow, but he ended up throwing it all up anyway. The water he could handle. Shortly after he donned his helmet, there was a knock at the door. 

“Is it safe to come in?” Karga asked. 

“Yes.”

Cara entered, followed by Greef and they both looked nervous. They kept glancing at each other and fidgeting.

 “What is it?” Din sighed.

Cara cleared her throat. 

“What you went through was- is, a lot. What are you going to do now?” 

He blinked. What is he going to do now? Oh right. He didn’t have to worry about the kid anymore. He would go back to his clan- oh right. The Imperials came through and killed them. His focus shifted to Karga. 

“Am I still welcome back in the Guild?”

Greef looked taken aback. 

“Of course, Mando! That offer has no expiration date. Though I do recommend you wait a bit until your arm has healed.”

He looked at Dune. “I’m a bounty hunter. I’m going to keep bounty hunting.”

Okay. She didn’t have to like it, but it was his decision. 

“Are you going to take care of yourself?” 

Now he was annoyed. “I’ve made it this far.”

“You know what I mean," she said seriously.

“No, I don’t Cara! Stop dancing around the subject. If you want to say it, say it!” The Mandalorian raised his voice.

“You haven’t talked about it, about him at all. It’s not normal. It’s not healthy,” Cara said.

Djarin was getting mad. She was trying to pry the box open. He kept it locked for a reason. Except, this time it cracked. Just a little bit, but it still cracked. 

“What do you want me to say Cara? The child is dead, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it? He’s gone. It’s over. I can’t change the past, and neither can you.” He calmed as he spoke. 

He took his arm out of the sling, testing his range of motion. Pretty good considering the minimal amount of bacta that was applied. He grabbed the Beskar from the desk and put it all back on. Even his signet, which he had somehow unearned. 

Imagine that. The only Mandalorian in the history of Mandalore to earn a signet and have it unearned in a matter of months. He shook his head and huffed, almost laughing at himself. It would be him of all people.

“Greef, how many pucks do you have on you right now?”

Karga looked through his pockets.

“Eight,” he supplied. 

“Good,” the Mandalorian said. “I’ll take them all.”

Karga offered him the pucks, without objecting. He knew the Mandalorian needed this. That’s how it usually goes. Keep busy, and you might not fall apart.  Before he left Cara Dune and Greef Karga in the hotel room, he stopped in the doorway. 

“Thank you both. For everything.” 

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Six Months Later:

Business was booming. The Mandalorian was now the most widely known, successful bounty hunter in the galaxy. He was different now. Cold. Calculating. A shell of the man he used to be. It didn’t matter. Cara called him out on it, and he retaliated. It’s safe to say that they weren’t friends anymore. 

The Mandalorian very rarely, if ever stepped foot on Nevarro anymore either. Client’s would contact him directly if they wanted a job done, so he hadn’t seen Greef either. He probably never would, unless someone placed a bounty on Karga. 

His work became his life. He hardly found the thrill in it anymore. But he did what he had to do to survive. Some days were hard. He would open the panel of the compartment of his ship where the kid used to be safely tucked away. Then he remembered that the kid wasn’t hiding. He was gone. He looked for the kid everywhere he went. He knew he wouldn’t find him. The kid was dead, and he had buried him. 

He had just returned from his last job, and currently there weren’t any more scheduled for him. He did that on purpose. Like he said, some days were hard. But every night was hard. He found himself dreading sleep. He would get a good two or three hours of rest, when nightmares of that day would tear him out of his slumber. He tried to go days at a time without sleep. He succeeded. The less sleep he got, the sloppier he was on his jobs. The amount of times he’s used his cauterizer in the last week was testament enough. At this rate, he would be all burnt flesh by the end of the year. 

So, for the first time in his life, he had a clear schedule. Hopefully, he would be able to catch up on sleep, and then pick up another job. He wasn’t optimistic, but he had to try. 

He set the Razor Crest to autopilot, to crawl around in deep space. He removed the Darksaber from his belt and placed it on the cot next to him. Paranoia would never really leave him. 

He closed his eyes, and let exhaustion take over. 

~ It was raining blaster fire. Cara had showed up earlier here. The odds were looking in to be in their favor. Din genuinely smiled. He thought this was the end. It was far from it. Suddenly an odd light glinted in his peripheral vision. 

Moff Gideon had the Darksaber. 

Recognition of the weapon and its history sent tendrils of anger shooting throughout his body. Gideon would pay for that. He wanted to kill him.

Then he noticed the blaster pointing at the child. 

“NO!” 

He launched himself in front of the child, and the blaster bolt ricocheted off of the corner of his pauldron. He didn’t notice that Gideon had shifted the gun to shoot at him instead. His movement had deadly consequences. 

A sickening feeling worked its way into his throat, and he tasted bile. He turned his head slowly to look at the child who was lying face first in the ground next to him, his robes smoking from the heat of the shot. 

Din dropped to his knees. This was his fault. ~

The dreams were always different, but they always ended with the same line.

“Ni su'cuyi, gar kyr'adyc, ni partayli, gar darasuum Ad’ika."

He woke up with a gasp and shot up like a rocket. He placed his helmeted head in his hands. Apparently, he was going to suffer indefinitely. Frustrated, he went back to the cockpit. Maybe if he went to a market or something, he could purchase sleeping pills or some other form of medication that would save him from his endless nightmares. 

He’s tired, on edge and frustrated, so when looks at the Mythosaur pendant that the child used to wear around his neck once upon a time, a little bit longer than normal as it dangles from the ceiling in the cockpit, he grips the lever a little too hard, and the knob pops right off and in to his hand. This tiny, insignificant ball should not make him hurt this much. 

He stood up and threw it to the back of his ship. He wanted it out of his sight. He returned to his seat, the silence nearly suffocating. He wouldn’t kill anyone ever again if he could get his Ad’ika back.  Maybe if he wasn’t so sleep-deprived, he would have noticed sooner. A few minutes later he realized that he never heard the ball clang when the metal hit the metal of his ship. 

He quickly withdrew his blaster and turned around, side-stepping the pilot’s seat.

“The toy I’ve heard so much about, this is?”

Din Djarin scanned the cockpit and saw no one until he glanced at the floor. He froze. A much older version of the same species as the child was in front of him. There was a cane in one hand, and the knob-turned-toy in the other. He couldn’t be much more than two feet tall, and he was green, but tinged blue. Almost like a ghost. He shook his head. 

“Now I know I’ve lost it.”

The creature laughed. 

The Mandalorian tried blinking a few times to make it go away. It stayed. 

“Yoda, I am. Real, this is.”

Yoda used the Force to send the ball back into the Mandalorian’s hand. Djarin caught it and clenched his fist around it. Wait a minute.

“How did you know about the toy?”

Yoda laughed again.

“Many things I know, Din Djarin.”

Din tensed. 

“Why are you here? I… couldn’t protect one of your kind, if that’s why.” He was lost. He might actually be crazy. Or he managed to fall back asleep, and this was another dream.

Yoda sobered up at his confession.

 “Your best, you did.”

Din leaned against the side of the pilot’s seat and sighed heavily.

“It was all for nothing. It wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough.” Months of pent up emotional pain bled through his voice. 

“Fail, you did. Your fault, it was not.”

His head snapped up at that.

“Then who’s fault was it?” he asked angrily.

Yoda looked around, taking in his surroundings. 

“The will of the Force, it was.”

The Force. That was the power or sorcery that the child had. He scoffed at the thought that the ‘Force’, would want a baby to die. He came to terms that he was indeed, speaking to a dead person. They stood in silence for a long time. When it became clear that neither of them were going to speak, Din turned around and looked at the stars passing by through the front window. After a few minutes, he pulled the Mythosaur pendant down and stared at it. There was a pattern with him, he noticed. He had everything, he lost it all. He had everything, he lost it all. And it continued to repeat.

His parents.

His clan.

His friends.

His kid.

Yoda watched the Mandalorian sadly. He felt the darkness in him, which had fought relentlessly to snuff out the light his whole life. Only now, the darkness was winning. 

“Highly of you, Ad’ika thinks.” 

Din Djarin went rigid, and nearly cut his hand with the pendant.

“What?” he whispered.

A very familiar, sorely missed babbling noise filled the cockpit. Djarin switched the pendant to his left hand and gripped the headrest of the pilot’s chair to steady himself. He felt his eyes betray him as they burned with unshed tears. The babbling noise got closer. He bowed his head and squeezed his eyes shut, refusing to turn around. 

“Please, I can’t. I can’t do this,” he whispered again. He wanted to wake up now. It was worse, somehow, knowing that this wasn’t a dream. A soft tug of his cape convinced him to turn around slowly, steeling himself. He looks down at the floor and sank to his knees.

The kid was right there. Right in front of him. His clothes lacked the bloodstains that the Mandalorian had last seen on him, and the child was glowing a faint blue color, just like Yoda.

 “Ad’ika?”

 The kid’s ears perked up, and he made the grabby motions with his hands. He wanted to be picked up. 

 Mando looked to Yoda, who was silently observing. Seeking confirmation. Can you even touch a ghost? Yoda gave a slight nod, and Din went for it. He scooped up the kid and the weight of the world was lifted from his shoulders. The child squealed happily as Djarin held him close to his chest, squeezing a bit harder than he should have. He couldn’t help it. The helmet masked the tears that finally escaped him. “I don’t understand what’s happening,” he said. He was grateful, obviously. But it didn’t make sense. Yoda cleared his throat. 

“Missed you, he has.”

A lump formed in the Mandalorian’s throat. He looked down at the ghost of a child who was gnawing on the top of his breastplate.

 “I missed you too, Ad’ika.” His voice cracked when he spoke. He sat there holding the child, stroking his big ears with his fingers.

 He listened as Yoda did his best to explain something that Din couldn’t fully grasp yet. The Force connects all things. No one is ever really gone. Force users can come back and interact with the living under certain circumstances. Apparently, Ad’ika cried non-stop when he couldn’t find the Mandalorian. Yoda taught the child about his abilities and how to manifest as a Force ghost, so he could go find his lost guardian. Force ghosts could only interact with the living sporadically.

 However, he may have hinted that it was much easier to appear in dreams and interact with the living that way. Djarin’s breath hitched.  The child squirmed out of Djarin’s hold and waddled to the mythosaur pendant which found its way to the floor amidst the reunion. He picked it up and held it out towards Din, a questioning look on his face as he babbled.

“A-ga da a-ba?”

Din took the pendant and tied it around the child as a necklace. 

“Why don’t you hang on to that? It’s yours.” 

The child immediately stuck it into his mouth. The Mandalorian laughed. 

“Time for us to go, it is,” Yoda said solemnly. “See him again, you will.”

Djarin’s heart sank, but he nodded. Before they disappeared, the child placed a three-fingered hand on the back of the Mandalorian’s hand.

 “Ba-ba bu, buh!” The kid shook his head in frustration and tried again. “a-ga… dada!”

The Mandalorian started. 

“I-” he had so many questions. Did the kid know what he was saying? It was just baby talk. Then the kid dropped this on him just before both ghosts vanished.

 “Boo-Bu-eer. Buir!”

His heart stopped. Long after they faded, he kept replaying it in his mind. 

Buir.

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mando’a Translations: Ad’ika: little one, son, daughter, of any age Buir: father/mother Ni kyr'tayl gai sa'ad: Adoption vow; I know your name as my child Ni su'cuyi, gar kyr'adyc, ni partayli, gar darasuum: Daily remembrance of those passed on *I'm still alive, but you are dead. I remember you, so you are eternal*. Followed by repetition of loved ones' name(s).

[chloelucia13]

Come Back to Me

Pairing: Xavier x reader

Request: “ Hi hi! Could I please request an Xavier x reader thing? Where its after the attack where he was locked in the oven, and instead of dying he runs out of there and to the house of his girlfriend, who didn't wanna go to redwood bc of everything that went down, and just basic fluffy comfort for my baby, and reader helping him heal with his anxiety and possible PTSD after the incident, and bringing up his confidence with his burnt face..My baby deserves it! Thanks!! ♡” 

Warnings: Angst, fluff, language, some medical terminology ig? some COMFORT FOR XAVIER BECAUSE HE NEEDS IT

A/N: Thank you so much for requesting this! I really hope I did it justice!!

Tags: @sexuallyconfusedspacedragon456​

God, you were so fucking stupid.

You had been so adamant about not going to that cursed place, where so many people had met their end. You had begged him to stay home, knowing that you couldn’t go with him. You couldn’t bear stepping foot in that place.

Now, you wished you would’ve gone with him.

You were curled up on the couch, right next to the phone, as you half-watched the shows that were on TV.

Your mind was so busy with worries of what he was hoping, what would happen to him, that you couldn’t even focus on anything other than your thoughts. Not only were you worried of what could happen to him, you were worried of what he would do. 

Now, you weren’t worried about him cheating or anything like that, you knew he would never do that to you. What you were worried about was him relapsing, falling into that pit that only drugs could distract him from, only to pull him deeper into that same pit. 

You were spiraling, you had been ever since he stepped out the door, but you couldn’t stop yourself. 

The only thing that paused it was a knock on the door. 

You nearly leaped from your seat on the couch, pushing yourself onto your feet and hurrying over to the door, yanking it open as your heart pounded in your chest.

Immediately, you felt a pair of arms wrap around your waist and a head rest on your shoulder. “Xavier?” you whispered, gripping onto the lapels of his jacket, the pungent scent of burnt skin invading your nose.

“I’m so scared, Y/N,” Xavier sobbed into your shoulder, holding you so tightly you thought you may burst.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. You’re okay. Come inside, let me make you some tea.”

He nodded, letting you lead him into the living room. “It hurts.”

“What hurts?”

“E-Everything.”

You nodded slowly, helping him sit down onto the couch. As you tried to pull away, he tugged you closer, gripping your shirt in his fists. “Xav-”

“Please don’t look at me. Don’t let me go.”

“Don’t look at you?” You gently skimmed your fingers up and down the length of his back, trying to calm him down. “Why don’t you want me to look at you?”

“He-he ruined me! He ruined my life!”

“Who did?” You froze. “Did... Did Blake find you?”

“He... He won’t be a problem.” You were about to open your mouth to press him further, but he spoke again. “Mr. Jingles came back.”

“Mr. Jingles? That killer from the 70′s?”

“He escaped from the mental hospital. He-he came back to kill everyone. Ray’s dead. Blake’s dead. Chet fell into a spike pit.”

All the breath left your lungs. “We need to call the police,” you gasped out finally, slipping from his grip and picking the phone up off the receiver. You quickly dialed 911, hands shaking so violently that you had to start over a few times.The moment you heard the operator speak through the phone, you rushed out the situation and begged for them to hurry.

Once the phone connected back to the receiver, Xavier reached out and took your hand in his. “It’s all over, Xavier. You don’t have to be scared anymore.” You squeezed his hand and looked down at your interlocked hands, your stomach immediately churning when you saw burns and blisters decorating his skin. Your eyes slowly skimmed up his clothed arm, all the way up to his neck and then his face.

A strangled gasp fell from your lips and you raised your free hand to cup his burnt cheek. “W-What did he do to you?” you choked out, tears beginning to streak down your cheeks.

“He threw me in an oven,” he voiced softly, his lower lip quivering. “I’m a monster now.”

You shook your head, taking a step closer so your chest was pressed against his. “No, you’re not.”

“Look at me, Y/N. How... How could you love me again?”

“Don’t ever say that.” You slipped your other hand from his grip to cup his other cheek. “I love you no matter what. You’re still the same boy I love.”

He shook his head, letting out a soft sob. “Why?”

“Because I don’t care what you look like, or what you’ve gone through. All that matters is that you’re here with me and you’re the kind soul that you’ve always been.” He leaned forward, letting his head fall into the crook of your neck. You held him close, whispering kind words to him as you led him over to the couch. “But, you do need to go to the hospital.”

He shook his head. “I can’t let people see me like this. I-I can’t. Please.”

With a small sigh, you nodded. “Okay. I’ll try and do what I can tonight, but you have to go in tomorrow. Okay? It’ll only be worse if we don’t treat it as fast as possible.”

He nodded, letting you slip away from him so you could go and grab some lotion and aloe vera. The entire time, he sat rigidly on the couch with his gaze set straight ahead on nothing in particular.

“Xavier?”

He snapped out of his trance at your words, turning to look at you. “Y-Yeah?”

You gave him a sympathetic look, kneeling down in front of him. “Can you take off your clothes for me? I’m guessing you’re burnt everywhere.”

He nodded slowly, slipping off his jacket and shirt before tugging off his slacks. His movements were laborious and slow, his face scrunched up in pain with each small movement. Once he was fully naked, and you were able to see the extent of his injuries, your fingers traced along his charred skin. 

“It’s a good thing you kept your clothes on. If you didn’t, the burns would’ve been much worse.” You gently pressed your fingers against the skin of his stomach. “The burns on your hands and face seem to be some extreme second degree burns, but the burns on the rest of your body seem to be first degree burns, maybe bordering on second degree.” 

His eyes lingered on you the entire, your presence almost a natural painkiller. You made him forget the pain, forget everything that happened to him.

You slathered aloe vera on your hands. “This is probably gonna sting a bit,” you warned, standing up and hovering your hands over his shoulders. “Ready?”

“Ready.”

A harsh grunt of pain fell from his lips the moment your hands made contact with his skin. “I’m sorry,” you whispered, working quickly but gently to apply the aloe vera to his entire body. Once you were finished, you let out a sigh and rose to your feet.“... I should have came with you.”

“What?”

You shook your head slightly. “I should have come with you. I can’t help but think that if I came with, maybe I could’ve saved you from this.”

“Or you could’ve gotten hurt! You could’ve died!” He reached out and cupped your cheek. “Y/N, I could deal with these things happening to me. But if anything ever happened to you, I... I don’t know what I would do. I couldn’t live with myself, that’s for sure.”

“And you think that I don’t feel the same about you?” Tears flooded your eyes as you stared into his own. “I don’t know how I can live with the fact that you got hurt because I wasn’t there-”

“I got hurt because I didn’t listen to you! None of this is your fault-”

“How do you know that? How do you know that if I went with you, none of this would’ve happened? This could all be my goddamn fault!” Tears streamed down your face, blurring your vision. “And you can’t even look at yourself now! You think you like a monster!”

“But you don’t think I do. And the only thing I care about is what you think. Your words are the only true thing to me. If I’m still as perfect as I was, then that’s true.” He brushed a few tears away. “But the one thing you say that isn’t true is that it’s all your fault. It isn’t.” A few tears slipped down his own face. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my life, it’s that the ones who think they are to blame are rarely the ones who are to blame.”

A sob sounded in your chest and you fell forward, haphazardly wrapping your arms around his shoulders and crying into his chest. “I’m so sorry, baby.”

“Don’t be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for.” 

You cried against him for a few moments, fingers buried in his hair as sobs wracked your body. Once you finally pulled yourself together, you pulled away from his chest. “I love you. So much.”

“I love you too. I always will.” He stood up and cupped both your cheeks in his hands, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips. “Thank you for being the best thing in my life.”

You let out a watery laugh, carding a hand through his hair. “I could say the same to you.” With a final peck to his lips, you stepped away and headed into the bedroom, coming out a moment later with his robe. “I don’t think you should wear a lot of clothes, so I think this will suffice. Just for modesty’s sake.”

“I don’t think we’ve ever worried about modesty’s sake,” he teased, but took the robe from your hands and slipped it over his shoulders.

You rolled your eyes, taking his hand and leading him into the bedroom. “You need some sleep. We both do.”

He nodded softly, letting you lay him down in bed and toss the covers over his body before you rounded over to the other side and laid down next to him. Immediately, he wrapped his arms around your body and pulled you close, placing his chin atop your head.

After a few moments of silence, he spoke up.

“When I was in that oven, I just kept imagining your face. Every time I started to lose hope, I kept telling myself that I needed to stay alive so I could lay in your arms again.” You felt a few tears fall on the top of your head. “I thought I’d never feel your touch again.”

“And you’ll never have to worry about that again.” You lifted your head up, locking eyes with him for a moment before pressing your lips to his. 

“I thought about one other thing when I was in there,” he continued a few moments later.

“Really? What about?”

He took your hand in his, his thumb skimming along your knuckles with such a fragile gentleness as if he was worried he would break you. “I was thinking- No, I decided that...  I want to get married. I want to marry you.”

Your heart skipped a beat, a smile spreading across your face as you reached up and held his face in your hand. “You want to marry me?”

He nodded fervently, reflecting your smile. “More than anything in the world.”

You let out a small laugh, filled with excitement and joyful anxiety. “I’d love that. Truly.” He squeezed your hand and pecked your lips once, then again, and then once more. You giggled and kissed him back each time, unable to wipe the smile off your face. “How about,” you voiced once his lips left yours, “we wait a few months for everything to get back to normal. Then, we have a small little wedding outside of town.”

“As long as I get to marry you, anything sounds perfect to me.”

“Perfect.” You sighed dreamily, resting your head back against his chest.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

[indigopurple]

Basically a review of OP episode 503 ig

Currently rewatching post-war arc (in the dub so I don't have any screenshots for u guys sry) and theres a few things id like to point out.

During a conversation Dadan once had with Garp, they were talking about Roger. Garp said that even if they were facing powerful enemies, he would never run away because he wouldnt dare leaving his comrads behind; it wasnt an option for him. Obviously we see this in Ace. But ALSO, isnt this what he did with Katakuri? It was a little different cuz of the setting mostly, but he separated himself from his crew to fight off katakuri, and lied to them about being okay so they didn't worry (he was already getting his ass kicked by then, so he just made that stupid smile and told them not to worry (or smth like that, I can remember the exact line) (that smile was so gross and fake cuz he fucking sucks at lying). Also he said roger destroyed a buncha soldiers cuz they mouthed off his men. That's what Ace tried to do but instead he died. :(

"The pain he went through just made him hold on tighter to the ones he loved" -Garp, about Roger. "Despite his flaws and his bad reputation, his crew still trusted him completely." -also Garp, about Roger. These both sound a lot like Luffy AND Ace.

When Dogra got home and told everyone about Sabo's ship being shit down and him dying (which we all know didnt happen, thank fuck), (by the way the absolutely lost looks on Ace's and Luffy's faces with the sudden silence hurt like a bitch), Luffy started crying and said "WE SHOULDNT'A LET HIM GO, IT'S ALL OUR FAULT". Which fucking says something about him (thinking of episodes 913-915 when he goes fucking berserk, but before that he learns that Kaido probably killed Tama and he says "I should've escorted them..!" (*ugly cries*)). Ace also reacted pretty similarly-- "Sabo...why didn't we go back into town and bring him back here?! We're so stupid!" And he gets mad and asks where he could find the bastard that killed him (obviously not getting a good answer since it was a fucking celestial dragon ugh). That is what Luffy does, in present time. He results to anger first, not sadness. Not sure when he learned to do that but I'm 99 percent sure it was from Ace. Also the blaming himself thing? High chance thats ALSO from Ace. Who else would teach him that self hating behaviour?!

Dadan pins Ace down to stop him from going after the Celestial Dragon to calm him down, telling him he cant do anything, he's not big or strong enough to do anything and he'll be killed as soon as he tries anything, especially since it was the whole country -the whole WORLD- that killed Sabo. He can't do anything. And then they tied him to a tree outside to let him cool off. Oh yeah then he also told luffy to stop crying like a little girl or else he'll- (and he didn't finish the sentence). ...Ok maybe thats why luffy started being more angry than sad.

This is where things get a little more :( . Ace reads the letter Sabo sent them before he died. As he reads, he walks to the end of the forest, to a cliff overlooking the ocean. And starts fucking bawling (btw the voice actor who had Ace's childhood part did not do a very good job, no where near as in character and real as Coleen Clickenberg did with all of Luffy's crying scenes. She was spot on.) ...do you see where im going with that? He isolated himself before letting himself feel sad. It was all rage and then calm beforehand. Y-you see where im going with that. Dont make me say it.

"How's Luffy doing, is he any better?" "Well...he hasnt been eating much, but he still eats twice as much as we do". Oh look, That's what happened after Ace died too. There's a behavioral pattern that hasnt gone away. Not sure why it wouldve tho.

Luffy is mopeing, lying on the ground in a similar setting ace was at when he cried. Hes thinking about some of the things Sabo said, like how theyre gonna sail the seas together, and he clenches his hands into tight, shaking fists. After Ace shows up and hits him, and talking abt some other stuff I don't feel like relaying, Luffy tightens his grip on the straw hat and tells ace, whimpering, he wants to get stronger (and stronger, and stronger, and stronger and stronger and....) And he wants to be the strongest in the world. "And then, I'll protect everyone. I won't lose anyone I care about". He gets stronger mainly to protect the people he loves. And then he asks ace to promise he won't die. To which he hits Luffy again and tells him he should be more worried about himself dying first. And then the famous line that hurts like a bitch- "I'm NEVER going to DIE!" And then this hopeful music comes on (fucking damnit funimation, u gotta do this? Really??) Also he says he wont die as long as he has a wussy little brother to protect. ...FUCK. Ok, the fist clenching is a thing he does all the fucking time, usually when he gets mad. This was different because he wasnt mad, he was sad. He clenched his fist because thinking about it hurt. Which, huh, sounds a lot like his whole episode after waking up from his 2 week coma on the polar tang. To try and stop the mental pain of those horrendous memories, he resulted to physically pain. He hurt himself. So, He clenches his fists in times like these to fight off the mental pain and the urge to cause himself physical pain. Guys, our boy is bad at emotions, help him. ....ok this paragraph is longer than I anticipated so ill dumb down the rest of it ig. Next part, him asking ace to promise he wont die. The music, the body language, the over change in mood- this comforts him. He stopped hiding his face and silently sobbing after ace said this. OH YEAH! didn't he tell jinbe not to die when they parted ways in Totto Land? And then, hes missing still in Wano and we see Luffy is worried....but convinced Jinbe will show up. Again, this comforts him. Hes nervous cuz someone KOFF KOFF ACE broke that promise once. But jinbe is his crew mate so he trusts him, thank god.

"-But whoever did it, they must be opposed to freedom." The whole freedom thing? That runs through Luffy's blood and spirit.His brothers fought for it, his dad is the man who strives to give everyone freedom basically, and Luffy himself has seen enough of the OPPOSITE of freedom to be so, so much more than just against it. Hence why he of course was so eager to free the slaves in Sabaody, the kids in punk hazard, the toys in dressrosa, the country of Wano from Kaido's tyrany. The apple doesnt fall far from the tree huh.

I dont think Luffy would remember his promise with Shanks if it werent for his brothers putting feul to his dream. It was a stupid bet at first; he just wanted to beat Shanks, right then. But after meeting Sabo and Ace, he found the opposite of freedom and human rights. And then he wanted, REALLY wanted, to become the free-est man in the world; the pirate king.

Last one i promise ok? This one is less connected to whats going on in the episode at this point, but something I noticed (its so obvious everyone has seen this ok) was when luffy cries, his posture is always open. He doesn't curl in on himself like many people would do (I know I would, lol). He doesnt hug himself, protect himself. He's just, opened up to whoever is watching, literally. This has a little more to do with something I haven't talked about much in this post yet; his self-destruction issues. I said he tried to hurt himself when he felt mental pain, which is definitely similar. But he cries and doesnt try to protect or comfort himself, like he doesn't have that programmed into his mind. Reminder that he only wants to live because of his dream, and if he doesnt have his dream, he wants to die. (Whoa.). Ok, so no self preservation mechanism at all rlly. Hes basically ride or die. So, when things hurt so much that he cries, he has no hope left. He just kinda...dies inside. So this was mildly different after sabo died. Yes we saw him just standing there, sobbing. But the next day he's still crying, and instead he's laying on the ground. I saw that and the voice in the back of my head told me he wanted to be a part of that lifeless dirt beneath him. Then, Ace walked over. And his words made him feel the hope that I told you about earlier, and he sat up into a sitting position. And HUGGED HIS LEGS TO HIS CHEST. There's some self preservation! Some hope! Some will to exist, to live! Something we saw none of as he sat in front of his brothers corpse, shutting down. He sat there, open to his enemies, incapable of protecting himself. Practically anyone couldve killed him right then and there. I think he mightve liked that, at that moment. Like thank god he has that stupidly good luck cuz if he didn't I swear someone couldve thrown and axe or FUCKING ANYTHING AT THAT MOMENT and hed be dead becuase he never physically or mentally prepared himself. On purpose.

Our poor boy needs some fucking attention and therapists. (Insert my rant post about how jinbe is on the crew primarily for anger management and therapy, not just being a helmsman.) Ugh, smh ugly cries

Aaaaand thats about the end of the episode. Theres so many little tics and peesonality traits that you notive thru this episode, and I only noticed them cuz im rewatching this part of the show for like the third time. I don't react as much as the first time of course but some things are definitely sadder after knowing what's going on and what will happen later on.

Moral of the story (post)? I think luffy is almost equally as alike -if not, more similar to roger as ace is. Also, high key genuinely think Luffy met like NO ONE but Garp before he met Shanks and his crew. What the fuck was his first like 5 years of being alive like? (He wantd to be a pirate cuz Garp didnt want that. Rebellious baby asshole. And then shanks made things worse, in a good way for luffy. And then ace and sabo made that worse thing worse for a good reason. Luffy lives...for those influences. And that is fucking it. Why.

Oh thanks tumblr for moving my picture to the bottom of the post u fucking idiot

[thequeenofindie]

A Mandalorian. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen your kind.

A man of honor should not be forced to live in exile.

A man of your skill should make short work of this.

A nurse droid? I thought it was a hunter. Aren’t IGs usually hunters?

Aren’t you a man of honor?

Are we gonna keep talking or are we gonna get out of here?

Bad news. You can’t live here anymore.

Be safe on your journey.

But after what happened last night, I couldn’t go through with it.

But to the winner goes the spoils.

By creed, it is in your care.

Can we talk about this later?

Clearly, there’s nowhere for me to go.

Come to mama!

Did you do this!?

Did you know about this!?

Did you not just hear that he killed a dozen of his own troopers, JUST to make a point?

Do not cast doubt upon that of what I am, nor whom I shall serve.

Do not self destruct.

Don’t be so dramatic.

Do the magic hand thing!

Do you know which way to go?

Droids are not good or bad. They are neutral reflections of those who imprint them.

Hang on, I don’t do the baby thing.

Have you trained in the Rising Phoenix?

He doesn’t know you’re coming.

Hey. Spit that out.

He’ll get over it. We all do.

He’s trying to eat me!

I’m already free of worry, and I’m not in the mood to play soldier anymore.

I’m out of ideas.

I am fulfilling my base function: to nurse and protect.

I am not a living thing.

I bought my freedom through the skill of my hands, and the labor of three of your human lifetimes.

I can bring you in warm… or I can bring you in cold.

I can pay you handsomely.

I did disintegrate a few of them.

I don’t have a choice. You saw what happened on Sorgan. They’ll keep sending hunters.

I don’t belong here.

I don’t have a choice.

I don’t have time for this.

I don’t know if you’ve heard, but the Empire is gone.

I don’t suppose anyone here speaks droid?

If the stories are true, then you will make quick work of it.

If you go near this child, I will have no choice but to kill you.

I have credits, take them!

I have it. I’ve got the egg.

I have knowledge that bounty hunt is a complicated profession.

I have spoken.

I like those odds.

I love IG units.

I need to help her and I need to heal.

Is it not the code of the guild that these events are now forgotten?

Is that a bounty puck?

Is there another way out?

It almost killed me!

It appears we are trapped.

It hasn’t grown much.

I thought you were a veteran?

It is a foundling.

It is forbidden.

It is good to restore the natural order of things after a period of such disarray, don’t you agree?

I told you that was a bad idea.

It was not his fault!

It’s fine. It’s on me.

It’s gonna break his little heart.

I want to hire your services.

I was helped by an enemy.

I was not born on Mandalore.

I was once a foundling.

I will help you.

I will keep the child safe.

I will not abandon this place until I have salvaged what remains.

I won’t leave you!

I’d rather you kill me than some imp.

I’d stay off the ice if I were you.

I’m afraid I have more pressing matters at hand.

I’m a Mandalorian. Weapons are a part of my religion.

I’m in the Guild.

I’m not gonna make it and you know it.

I’m not gonna trade anything.

I’m not sad.

I’m thinking of staying here just to make sure.

I’ve not heard that name since I was a kid.

Jawas steal. They don’t destroy.

Keep them away from my ship.

Let me have a warrior’s death.

Let’s get the hell out of here.

Let’s go over the plan again.

Look outside. Is the world more peaceful since the revolution?

Make the best deal for yourself and survive.

Mandalorian is not a race. It’s a creed.

Many have passed through, seeking the same as you.

Maybe he wants to eat it. I don’t ask questions.

No droids.

None will be free until the old ways are gone, forever.

No questions asked. That’s the policy, isn’t it?

Not a chance, that’s going on my wall.

Now, I serve no one but myself.

Our secrecy is our survival.

Our survival is our strength.

Perhaps he remembers I tried to roast him.

Please. You deserve this.

Please tell me the child will be safe in your care.

Promise me you’ll bring him.

Reconstruction was quite difficult, but not impossible.

Save the theatrics.

She’s no good to us dead.

Spit that out!

Stop touching things.

Such a large bounty for such a small package…

Take care of this little one.

Take the bait you hunk of junk!

Thank you, I will wear this with honor.

That is not okay!

That was a joke. It was meant to put you at ease.

That was unpleasant. I’m sorry you had to see that.

That won’t even cover fuel these days.

That’s my line.

That’s not saying much.

That’s why he needs us alive.

The kid’s coming with me.

The males are all eaten during mating.

The poison is spreading fast.

There’s no reason to be sad. I am not alive.

There’s something more going on.

These are my parts.

The sun drops fast on Nevarro.

They all hate you because you’re a legend.

They stole from me.

They will not stop until they have their prize.

They’ll keep sending hunters.

They’re mercenaries, not zealots.

They’ve got us pinned!

Things have gotten complicated since you were last here.

This is a bacta spray. It will heal you in a matter of hours.

This is extremely generous.

This is more than I signed up for.

This is the one you hunted, then saved?

This is the way.

This place is a maze!

Trust me, nothing can go wrong.

Tuskens think they’re the locals. Everyone else is just trespassing.

Unless you want to go another round, one of us is going to have to leave, and I was here first.

Watch your feet. It’s molten lava.

We can make it.

Well, good luck with that.

Well then, I don’t know if I want your help.

We need someone to watch that thing.

We need the Mandalorians to escort us to safety.

We should at least discuss an escape plan.

We’ll take our chances.

We’re shooting our way out.

What a precious little creature! I can see why you didn’t want to harm a hair on its wrinkled little head.

What are your plans for it?

What else did he say?

What exquisite craftsmanship.

What’s your cut?

What’s your highest bounty?

When one chooses to walk the way of the Mandalore, you are both hunter and prey.

Who wouldn’t want to be a legend?

Why so distrustful of droids?

You are a bounty hunter.

You are a clan of two.

You are my guest and I am therefore in your service.

You can live free of worry.

You got anyone you can trust?

You have earned your signet.

You have my heartfelt gratitude.

You have no choice, you must reunite it with its kind.

You have something I want.

You know you’re not so bad for a droid.

You looking for some work?

You make sure the child is safe.

You may think you have some idea what you are in possession of. But you do not.

You might be surprised to hear it, but I am alive too.

You protect the child.

Your ancestors rode the great Mythosaur. Surely you can ride this young foal.

You really think there’s something to worry about?

Your reputation was not unwarranted.

You spilled my drink….

You stay. Don’t move.

You want some soup?

You’ll be fine.

You’re smarter than you look.