#i can talk abt their complex relationship for hours

[psin314]

murat, on a training with his mentor, nearly killed him. but that's okay, the usual crow stuff, you know.

[izzy-b-hands]

Had a minor breakdown over Family Feelings and my grandparents selling their house

Have rediscovered David Bowie's song 'Cactus' (u should go listen to it. Yes, u.)

...these two things combined mean I now somehow have an idea for an Ed/Izzy fill for the 'Epistolary' prompt coming up but also. also. I would sound insane trying to explain it bc idk if i can imply the emotions well enough thru letters between two emotionally backed up ppl and god. if I can't do this idea justice then i feel like i cant do anything else for that prompt. like if i could do it WELL it would be so fucking good. It would also be a continuation of the music/band au from earlier in the month and like i just !!!!!!

i didn't sleep till 4 am thinking this over and now im AWAKE and should WRITE IT but what if i FUCK IT UP

Im fine

[hxrsheykisses]

Hi Hershey!!! Firstly, I just wanted to say that your ao3 ETC fic is amazing!!! It’s in my tabs and I refresh it every few hours or so lolol

I was wondering if you could write abt how the boys from etc would deal with a hopeless romantic! reader? Like, the reader watches a ton of rom-coms, reads romance books, and laments abt how they can’t find a bf (when the boys are literally right in front of them)

Take all the time you need to write this!! <3 I hope you have a good day!! :D

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!♥️♥️♥️♥️ Awww I love this request! Thank you so much for requesting!!!💋

Where do I even begin?

The boys would be frustrated to say the least because you’re over here watching countless of rom-coms, reading romantic books, and are constantly talking about how you don’t have a boyfriend. You also spout on about how every person your age has a boyfriend while you don’t!

The issue is how you act blind. Cause there are CLEARLY four boys who’d love to fill that void in your heart and you’re taking a blind eye to it. let’s be for real, when was the last time any of these gross teens got close to a relationship without it falling and burning? If anything, they’d love to become your boyfriend!

If you open your fucking eyes, that is.

Bill is the one who’s going to be frustrated and pissed off because he has a superior complex and an ego that is up where heaven is. He’s going to be so butt hurt over it that it genuinely makes him want to pull his hair out. He’s tried everything in the book that is out of character for him; he opened doors for you, held out chairs for you, gave somewhat little care to your feelings, and just trying to be a LITTLE bit better. However, none of those efforts are working well much to his disdain.

Josh, he gets upset when his attempts at “wooing” you don’t go as planned. He rambles on about his interests and you looked and acted very interested in them. He would show off his many collections or any doubles he has to you in hopes that it’ll get you closer to him and soon be wrapped around his finger! He wasn’t pissed off like how Bill is—but he still was hurt! You two share some of the same interests so he thought that you’d be happy to know that if you two ever became a thing, you’d have a boyfriend who enjoys the same things as you! That’s always good right?

Pete is a little cornball so he’d know some of the ropes on how to win a person over or two! He would compliment you daily, makes some jokes to make you laugh, try to take you places, and he even stole some of his parents money to buy you something you like. Pete loves seeing you smile all big when he does these things and it gives him a big ego boost! But it still makes him confused and pretty frustrated when he still doesn’t have you where he needs you! Your still going on about you not having a boyfriend after he literally took you out to eat at Mcdonald’s!

Jerry is the sanest out of all of them. He doesnt want to overwhelm you with gifts, be overly sweet, or talk to much about himself in fear that he might drive you away. Jerry is hesitant but he still interacts with you, making sure not to go overboard. He thinks you’re pretty/handsome, smart, and you seem to be the person he actual sees himself having a chance with considering the circumstances. He can get kinda angsty here and there because he’s worried that maybe he’s not the one that you want and that’s why you haven’t made any moves yet…

And god help us all if they find out that they ALL have a thing for you! They will go fertile and lash out at each other, trying to one up the other, constantly arguing about who’s going to hang out with you, etc. You on the other hand are so oblivious to the chaotic mess as you let out a long dramatic sigh, saying how you’ll never find yourself with a boyfriend who loves you…💔

Bill thought about getting you glasses so that you can see that the love of your life is him and not the others

[kookidough]

AGRGAGRGAV i always ponder how alenoah reunion would go because like . it could go So many different ways

like how do they feel about each other now?? i always feel like after world tour is over, noah’s irritation would fizzle out and he’d be back to winning the idgaf war, accepting that in the end it was just a game and alejandro ended up playing better than him

alejandro’s feelings on the subject feel more complex to me like. does he accept the fact that, while noah’s words were harsh, they held some truth?? i view his reaction to noah talking behind his back as very telling of how close they were (despite the relatively short amount of time they spent together)

personally i think that pre-london they were close friends because they could match each other’s humour/wit, like how they laugh at tyler on the runway and when alejandro tells a mean-spirited joke regarding lindsay’s intelligence he tells it to noah, and Cmon guys, i know it was a team challenge but they still spent like 18 hours traversing the amazon together i just know they bonded during that!!! i wont even get into the fact that they’re always standing next to each other / hanging out in the background because i will be a pigeon pecking at crumbs and ive already gone off topic from the original reunion idea

anyway i think alejandro was mad because he thought he could consider noah a friend but he can see noah maybe doesnt feel the same way + hes a threat anyway soooo bye bye noah, question is would he hold a grudge over it and if yes then how long for

and what r they doing in their lives now when they meet again?? is alejandro still with heather or did that doomed relationship crash and burn (again)? is noah with emma or did things not work out after the race? and of course this differs depending on which world tour ending you’re going for, because is alejandro finally a winner or does his family still view him as the runner up they’ve always seen him as, second place silver in a robot suit, never quite good enough for gold (had to go off topic again, burromuerto family angst Gets Me)

would they miss the brief friendship they had? does noah ever meet a contestant on another one of him and owen’s reality shows and get a fleeting reminder of alejandro when they flirt or flash him a smile? does he get tired of no one else being on his wavelength and cast his mind back to that one boy that was? does alejandro ever turn on the tv and spot noah on one of those dumb shows?? and if he does what does he think?

ough i got off topic so many times i love thinking abt them in the future, they dont even have to reunite i also enjoy the bittersweet angst of right people wrong time/place… i think things would’ve been better for them if a million dollars wasn’t on the line

also i am not reading all this before i post it so if there are mistakes or it doesnt make sense then . pretend u didnt see it ^_^

[musicalmoritz]

One thing I rly hate in fandoms is ooc angst just be for the sake of having angst. It gets to the point where a lot of angst is corny to me bcuz ppl just make it to be emo without considering whether or not it actually aligns with canon

Kou Minamoto is one of the biggest examples of this that I’ve seen. There are so many angst posts abt him being sad that Nene is with Hanako, when he acts the exact opposite way in canon. The only time he’s really acted jealous over her was when Teru flirted with her, and that was more because he felt betrayed by his brother. He didn’t seem upset at all when Hanako crashed their “date” in Yako’s boundary, in fact he was perfectly happy to let Hanako tag along

There is plenty of angst to be made with Kounene, especially considering Nene’s short lifespan. Since the ship is treated as the designated “healthy” pairing in the fandom I also don’t see a lot of talk about how Kou’s savior complex would negatively impact their relationship. There’s just so much to talk about with them outside of the whole “Kou is sad because Nene has a boyfriend” thing. Kou has a boyfriend too so like, now what?? I’ll admit I’m very biased here, I don’t like the unrequited love trope very much. The angst that goes along with it isn’t really my cup of tea, so whenever I make Kounene fics/posts they’re almost always from Nene’s pov with her liking him back. It’s not that it’s too sad for me it’s just kinda lukewarm?? And some of it gives Nice Guy vibes idk. The way I see it, if one character isn’t interested then that’s where the relationship ends, so I don’t see the point in shipping anything that’s completely one-sided. Not trying to yuck anyone’s yums, this is just a preference

Anyways Kounene is a really good ship with a lot of potential besides just being “sad boy Kou hours.” There is another character that Kou gets very possessive over but for once this ain’t about them so I’m directing my attention towards Kounene. And preferences aside, I’d rather the angst just be in character. Teru is a character that gets very mopey about his crush being one-sided, so a lot of these Kounene angst posts would work great with him and Aoi or Akane. Again, it’s not my favorite trope in the world but I can see how it would make sense with him. But for Kounene I think there’s so much angst (and fluff) potential we’ve been missing out on by reusing the same trope. Let’s get creative with it!

[t4tpumpkinduo]

Hey i come to you in distress because i know you’re a c!schlatt enjoyer. Do you get filled with anger when you see dad-schlatt hcs or is that just. Just me

you KNOW #1 fanon hater schlatt defender and tubbo has agency and his own opinions believer is constantly seething and thinks it's the lamest shit ever 😎👊 i have things to complain abt here for sure. first off:

the dadschlatt stuff in a TRUE dsmp disconnected au does have the potential to be extremely moe. to me. cschlatt ctubbo are my favorite guys, so all the gooey art and cute concepts and little matching sweaters they're always portrayed w are deeply adorable to me it makes me coo so audibly ;___; mis chivitos

howeverrr uhhh. whenever i see it in fanbase as applied to the dsmp itself well 😋 you really can't divorce that from the fact ppl r INVENTING an alcoholic abuser parental figure to be creepy and gross to tubbo. just to add a dynamic to their ints that isn't there at all, and can't be by nature of who they are and how they act. why are you doing that to the addict character who's never presented that way at all lol? why are you taking away all the deeply interesting choices tubbo makes and why he makes them, the traumas he suffers, and center them on one guy forever to the point you have to lie to justify it lmao? take a writing class and an addiction empathy class RIGHT NEOWWWW

like idk what to tell you but cschlatt is v explicitly coded as like...an older brother's cool ass friend. cclingy speak to him casually and w familiarity, as does cwilb like. they know him. for clearly a while. ctommy ctubbo both think he's awesome, they both wear little schlatt replica suits when he first joins the server bcs they're so excited to see him again, they snap a bunch photos w him, and then when cschlatt got banned he spent the next TWO HOURS just hanging out on call w them, which is canon int. (like how there's a dsmp iskall cuz of the time he joined fundy on a tour, or cq's first official time on the smp was in a vc w tommy.) like schlatt's far enough away for them to still be smone to be star-struck by, and they clearly hold him on a bit of a pedestal, but he's still close enough they're chummy and comfortable w him. it's textual and like. rridiculously adorable oh my gosh. my special guys.

so the coding w ctubbos relationship w him is just. yeah that older brother's friend, a shitty boss, guy who's snappy to you but is clearly projecting about it. and while there is sm stuff abt them thats incredibly purposeful and original to them, v reflective of their mindsets and parallels, there's no layer to it like that. cschlatt isn't his guardian, he isn't responsible for him in that way. they're just sm guys.

the thing that makes it even more annoying to me is there's ALREADY characters w a fraught emotional relationship w their father, that tackle how it affects their treatment of eachother, and responsibility the guardian owes them and fails to deliver on. cfundy and cwilbur !!!! ctommy and cwilbur too, cuz don't forget cwilb canonically raised him!! the layers of that are insane, especially paired w the layers cwilb has with his own father. this shit is generational.

so yeas to summarize 👍 ithink dadschlatt can be v v cute and sweetness, i am a sucker for some domestic aus and complex character relations. but generally speaking, i'm v soured on the concept of it being in the dsmp bcs like. why are you writing edgy creepypasta tier scenarios abt two guys who all things considered would end up pretty cool w eachother. don't talk to me

[c0ffinbabie]

Some of my vents

Im so insecure Abt everything I hate myself so much I can't stop crying I feel bad for my emotions BCS my mum says some ppl have it worse which that makes me feel like I don't matter everyone is leaving me and I'm not sure why when all I need and want is ppl to like me I've always wanted that but it seems like everyone hates me I just wish one person would appreciate and love me idc if it's platonic or romantic love I just want to be liked by someone

I've felt like I'm a shitty person and everyone is is against me for months everyday I think of suicide almost every hour I just don't want to wake up I can't do this anymore I'm sad all the time and I can't do anything to fix that I miss ppl I used to talk to ppl everyday now I don't see anyone at all I miss being around ppl despite me hating being near ppl

I feel like throwing up all the time I constantly think of my weight ppl has absolutely broke me where at this point I'm throwing up after every meal I always think of hurting myself or hurting someone else I wish I didn't think like that I feel like I'm a terrible person

i just want to know what real love feels like. all my relationships have been one sided it was like I was the only one that was in love I was just another person to use. I have no idea what family love is one minute I'm being yelled and screamed at for something that was an accident. being called stupid and other names then 5 minutes later they're nice to me I hate that shit. anyone who does that is fake. I just want to be loved by someone who actually cares about me I'm so tired of falling in love but no one wants me ik I'm ugly but i try to be nice i just want more friends no one talks to me i feel alone. I've asked myself so many questions of why don't ppl like me like "am I annoying" "am I too ugly" "am I too fat" and many more questions. I wish I was pretty and had a nice body like the people I see why can't I be 80 pounds instead of what I am I'd be so much prettier and maybe ppl would talk to me especially if I had a pretty face. I've tried looking pretty by using makeup but it never works I'm still ugly. I just want to be pretty and loved.

i wish I could talk to someone Abt how I feel without them yelling ik my therapist wouldn't yell but I'd be sent to a hospital and I don't want that to happen so I guess I'll have to deal with all my thoughts myself I lie to everyone that I'm fine but it's getting worse. I want to vent Abt what's bothering me but I don't know how to put it into words. I wish ppl would believe me maybe if they listened I wouldn't be thinking Abt suicide every hour every minute even every second of the day. I want to get better but I find comfort in my illness BCS that's all I know BCS I've felt like this forever and probably always will

either I'm so happy I'm out of my mind happy or I want to kill myself there's no in-between but sometimes I feel numb it's like no matter how fun or exciting something is I don't feel happy I just feel nothing. but at the same time I have so many complex emotions that I don't know how to deal with so I cut them out and I won't let myself feel big emotions. I know I can't always be happy but I want true happiness I want to feel good Abt myself but how can I feel good Abt myself when I don't even look good

i want to leave this life so bad I hate the things I have to go through Ive been tired for a while I think it's finally time I do something Abt it I'm starting to make a plan to take my own life I want to do it with a gun so my face will be even more messed up so I'll have a closed casket I don't want ppl to look at me it makes me feel uncomfortable it makes me start to think they're judging me and that hurts. I wish I could see a future where I am loved and wanted but I don't see that happening I hope I'm successful when I do it I'm not sure when I'm still waiting on the perfect time no one understands why I'd want to take my own self it's BCS I'm tired of trying my best but it's never good enough no matter how hard I try. I feel like I'm so ugly I deserve to die I've done horrible things there for I deserve to die. I think Abt death every day and the thought of being dead brings me so much joy I can't even describe how freeing it feels I want to die but at the same time I want to be saved and get better and be loved but I know that won't happen. plus no one would actually care if I die

why does everyone hate me did I do something wrong I don't think I did I probably did tho everything I do is not the right way according to ppl I wish I was like others having real friends good relationship with family why don't I have that am I just not worthy enough of that what did I do wrong how can I make things right I don't want to be hated I really dont but i want to be myself but i guess everyonr hates my interests how i look how I act how i sound my opinions. why can't someone just accept me for who I am. all I want is friends but I'll meet someone and they seem nice so I start to trust them then they start being distant or mad at me for something I don't even know why they're mad then they leave and I'm alone again. I just real friends who will support me no matter what

I wish I was pretty if I was pretty maybe everyone wouldn't hate me if I had a nice body ppl would talk to me but I know I don't deserve that but I still want it I want ppl to actually like me I still want good things to happen even if I don't deserve it. I wish I looked like all the other ppl I see they're so pretty and I would look like a ran over basketball next to them. my body looks horrible but somehow ppl still use me for my body. I don't understand why do they want sex and nudes if they don't actually want me especially since there's other ppl who are pretty and does have a nice body. why am I always being used ppl only get with me so they can have sex then they leave and the next day they have a girlfriend who is so pretty, prettier than I'll ever be. is it wrong to want to be pretty have a nice body have friends a lover BCS I'm starting to think it's wrong ik I don't deserve anything like that but I wish I did. the things id do just to be liked

I wish I was numb inside again life was a bit more easier I didn't have to deal with big emotions like I have to now I didn't care if ppl thought I was wierd BCS why would their opinions matter when I already knew it was a fact how would it hurt. now all I think is what do others think of me. did I say something in the wrong way? is my voice wierd? am I letting out to much emotion? am I being annoying? is my topic I want to talk Abt boring or interesting? and a lot of other questions cross my mind. I always feel really sad or upset I want to be numb or happy nothing else I just don't want to deal with big emotions of sadness anymore

sometimes I think I'd be better off dead it'll make everyone happy and they wouldn't have to deal with me being a burden anymore. and I wouldn't have to feel judged or hated anymore I'd be at peace for the first time ever

no matter how hard I try it's never enough why can ppl just accept MY best I'm not going to be the best at everything I try so hard but it's never enough for anyone I always try my best no matter what it is but it's never enough

I'm so tired of looking at pretty ppl on TikTok Instagram I'm so jealous of them they look like they could play a goddess in a movie mean while I don't even have an ounce of beauty. I hate seeing skinny bodies but at the same time I can't stop looking at them wishing it was me and comparing myself.

i want to leave this place. I don't want this body and life anymore it's been nothing but shit so why would I even be excited for an other day another week another year why should I be excited when it's just got worse I don't want to be here anymore I'm so close to ending it all

i would do anything just to know what real happiness is and how it feels. I either feel okay, angry, depressed, or numb. I'm so tired I just want to be happy but I don't think that's ever going to happen.

I tried to method of "fake it until you make it" it's shit it doesn't help if anything it makes it worse. suicide never leaves my mind and I don't see it completely leaving ever. I'm so close to actually committing I have ideas on how but I don't have a direct plan yet. I think death is the only way to make this feeling completely stop and I'm not scared to die matter of fact I want to die. I wish I could live but I'm sure my life isn't going to get any better than it already has BCS it keeps getting worse

I'm so tired mentally I'm drained I can't take it anymore everyone makes me think bad Abt myself and I'm starting to realize it's all true. I am dumb and annoying. I am a waste of space. even my friends will call me ugly and shit in me Abt my appearance. I will always be used for my body and I don't know why. my body is horrible they probably only do it to get a laugh by making me think Im pretty even for half a second. I always knew I wasn't popular girl or model pretty but I didn't think I was actually ugly until I was around 8 then I realized I am ugly and I've tried everything to try to at least feel pretty but it never works. ppl will always point out my insecurities even if it's a joke it still hurts. I starve myself in hope to lose weight so I'll be a bit more attractive. I realized how replaceable I truly am. of course it hurts to realize but there becomes a time where you got to realize the worst. I'm starting just to accept that I don't have any point in this world.

ever so mentally tired you want to sleep to get away from the bad things happening but you can't sleep BCS you can't stop thinking Abt it and it keeps you awake. You're so mentally tired you can't even tell when you're physically tired anymore I just want to get away

I'm so fucking tired of falling in love it never works out I try everything I know but no one ever wants me. I love him so much but he probably doesn't even like me. I can't take this anymore I just want love but I know I'll never get it or feel it. is it just I don't deserve it? what did I do wrong? I try so hard to keep people but they keep leaving and I can't take this anymore.

why doesn't he love me the way I love him? what am I doing wrong? is it BCS I'm not pretty enough I just want to know I know if I find out it'll hurt but I want to fix it

why can't I be pretty? I want a better body I'm so tired of either getting used or being judged. I wish I was pretty I'd do anything to be pretty but ik that's impossible I'll never be pretty or lovable. I want love and happiness my entire life but I can't find it. I think I'll be on my own for my life BCS I'll always just be a hump and dump

reasons I hate myself

face shape- too fat, not sharp jawline, my double chin

eyebrow- shape is weird,not thick enough

forehead- too big, hairline low-key weird but I like the small bald spot like from my life before

nose-too small, want a turned up nose but in a masculine way(I think it's cute but on someone else)

lips- needs to be fuller and darker pink

skin- why TF do I only get giant pimples in the same spots the middle or in my eyebrows, my lips, my nose bridge and edge of nostril, chin and my face is so red

neck- I have these weird lines

shoulders- not broad enough

upper arms- extremly fat, no muscles

forearm- no veins and fat,

hands- fat, too small, short chubby fingers

chest- OMG don't even get me started I HATE my boobs I can't wait to get them removed they ruin me they ruin who I am, inverted nipple, nipples are too big, not dark enough

stomach- fat, needs to be so flat my ribs chest bones and hip bones are showing

hips- why tf are they so wide like just let me be a box

thighs- too fat, not enough scars, scars aren't "bad enough" for me(need the scars every and any where on me)

calves-fat

feet-bottom is fine, top is fat and toes look weird

back - rolls, not masc

I want help but I don't know how to ask and when I finally do they don't give two shits or just gets mad at me or says dry things. am I even important? I feel like nothing I say is worth to care about. at lunch I'd talk and they'd look at me then say usually something mean(they're gonna say it's a joke but idk) and turn around and talk to the others. my friends and family always talk over me. it's like I'm invisible. would it even matter if I died? would it be any different? no one cares no one ever did. but thank you to those 4 ppl who made me feel like I belong i love y'all with all my heart soul and everything

i want to die. I'm not scared I never was. it seems peaceful I want to be at peace I want to know what peace is and the only way I can find out is to die. death welcomes me with open arms

why am i like this. I wish ppl would like me I wish I was like the others I wish ppl took the time to get to know me. expect everyone just judges me. I can't do anything without thinking of the judgment I'd receive. I can't keep or even make friends. I love talking but I can't. I can't even form words. I'm such a damn loser. what 17 yr old can't give their order or even say hi to a classmate? no wonder no one likes me.

everytime i get hurt I want revenge and I do things out of impulse or get violent thoughts. i wish I wasn't like this I feel like a psychopath. it doesn't even have to be on purpose. for example someone could say they don't want to talk and I'll think of hurting myself in front of them. ive had the thought to stand up on a table at school yell "look at me" as loud as possible and then shoot myself to show them what they did. I feel crazy I wish I was normal but at the same time I love this and it turns me on

I needed to get this out

[jiminiepabo]

BTS As Your Best Friends

I was feeling inspired by my BTS As Your Boyfriend series, and I wanted to give yall a cute little friend moment! 💕

Comtains: Fluff, that's about it lmao

This is only with the maknaes, but the others will come soon!

°+~♡~+°

Jungkook-

THIS MAN....

Devious asf 💀💅

He actually will not shut his fucking mouth, bro will call you up at 4 in the morning to talk to you about how his day went

Lowkey invites himself to your place unapologetically

Very juvenile, in a good way. Like sleepovers with snacks and movies and pillow forts

THE GOSSIP KING 👑

And he will fill you in on all the bangtan tea

He's the type to make pinky promises not to tell after he talks hella shit abt someone 💀

Not that he talks hella shit that much, but the occasion that it happens, expect a lot to come out of his mouth.

Very good listener tho, if you actually have an issue, he's gonna be there for you

Definitely tells you way too much about his dating life...

He also falls asleep on you, so get used to it. he's an affectionate bitch, what can he say? And with all the sleepovers yall are having, he can't help it

Okay but tell me why I think he'd love playing hair salon with you 👀

One of his downsides as a friend is that he's a fucking celebrity and has a shit ton of other people to interact with and other places to go

So don't expect too much from the poor guy, he's got a lot on his plate.

Recently we found out that he vapes, so he for sure needs a vape buddy

ALSO

He is SO GOOD at dating advice

Whoever you're into, he will be right there planning your wedding on a pinterest board.

Expect lots of singing in the car

In all, jaykay is fucking hyper but he's a great bestie to have

Taehyung-

Tae is your deep ass convo kinda guy

Like yeah, he's fun asf, but damn he's just built to talk about deep shit with you

If any of these friendships are likely to turn into relationships, it's gonna be with Tae

He just loves love 😭

And honestly, as he should

And I'm not saying that you return the feelings, but you are the one reading a Bts imagine on tumblr... 🤷‍♀️

Besides the fact that he lowkey has a crush on you, you'll probably be at his house more than your own

I can see him just talking and talking for hours on end with his bestie while you chill on the couch with a TV show playing in the background

Probably has a cute nickname for you

Like if you're short, he calls you shorty. And if your cute, he calls you cutie.

IDK MAN IM BAD AT THIS 💀💀💀

But he'll come up with something cute

Your contact name in his phone will probably be something along the lines of "my wife" or "wifey"

Or smth stupid like that just bc he likes you 💀

And he won't tell anyone either, he just unironically talks about you all the time, nothing suspicious 👀

Expect chaos when he's drunk tho

He goes WILD

It's fun though, seeing him being smiley and not contemplating the complexities of life to you

Your man is weird asf but you gotta love him

Jimin-

Someone needs to calm him down and give him a massage or smth

Because when I tell you...

JIMIN IS THE FLIRTIEST HOE EVER

He doesn't even like you, it's just jimin being jimin

Very sweet tho 🥺

He seems kinda awkward about giving advice bc he doesn't know exactly what to say, but he'll listen really good

Also, no offense to jimin, but he's a mess.

He's so caring that he likes someone new every other day istg

And he'll tell you all about it and it's the cutest thing ever watching him have so much love for so many people

May or may not have mid-life crises during the night and come over to drink alcohol and pour his heart out to you

He's a people pleaser so be a good friend and encourage him or compliment him a lot

He will most likely flirt with you in return but it secretly makes him feel reassured so just take one for the team

Probably will give you fashion advice tbh

And he's an icon so you let him do his thing

I think he'd like doing things like drawing or painting or dancing as an activity with you

Like it's fun to do, but it's quiet enough for him to talk about his problems

This is so sad but I feel like he projects a very happy image but he doesn't always feel it inside

He may struggle with self image and dependence on others

So he needs you to be his anchor to hold him down and tell him he'll be alright

And he'll do the same for you, don't worry.

°+~♡~+°

Hope you enjoyed! The hyung line version is coming soon! 💕

My requests are open 😘

[allthedamnlove]

https://x.com/rafiacomfort/status/1858494671829323876?s=46

sharing this because i know you love rofia and i could talk about them for hours😣💕💕

the parallels between them are like woah… and ppl expect me to believe their not endgame?? PLEASE🙂‍↔️

*Pulls up a chair*

I literally liked that tweet first HELP.

This is a very unpopular opinion but drew and fiona this season had more chemistry than rudy and madison LIKE I AM SORRY BUT I GOTTA BE HONEST WITH YALL

But I love jj as a character and I know jj as a character loved kie to death and kie will probably take a LONG TIME to forget jj. It is impractical for the pogues and rafe to go to Kildare cuz they are OUT FOR BLOOD and will go to lisbon for revenge so kie literally jumping to rafe is NAWT HAPPENING regardless of sofia. So the point I'm saying is, RIARA STOP HATING ON SOFIA YOU FREAKS

Buttt yeses OMG THE PARALLEL. Throughout s3 and s4 there are soo many dialogues and plot lines that can be explored further abt rafe and sofias relationship. The dialogue in the tweet "you are a good girl, how did that happen" itself is very cryptic. Her family which was there yet not mentioned in the story at all. The fact that both were betrayed by themselves (sofia by pushing rafe with hollis and rafe by being a bitch *YES HE IS A BITCH* and shit talking about a person who will literally give up everything for her love by saying she's a pogue behind her back) are insane parallels.

I know KNOW that drew is going to insane levels of fame and heights in acting AS HE FUCKING SHOULD but i would love a small spinoff movie abt how rafe and sofia met. The fact that they didn't even showed how they met yet throwing a proposal (WHICH I AM A OK WITH BTW, it was my favourite scene of the ENTIRE SERIES LEMME TELL U) makes "rafe" fans really weirded out and I kinda agree with them. But I say that it's the writers fault.

Drew and fiona, again and again I will say HAVE INSANE CHEMISTRY. I hate that their dynamics I'd not explored more. Rafe is very very intense and complex and the relationship between a very soft spoken normal girl and a borderline psycho murderer has so much more potential than just being a filler storyline. Rafe has been not loved truly by anyone in his life and the fact that sofia loves him truly even with the amount of minimal screentime shows that these actors are not to be made uses in scarcity

Weirdly with jjs death rafe will probably become one of the centers of the story arc butt again they will be going to Lisbon I don't know how sofia and rafes relationship will be explored. But I know that this is not the end of rofia. I hope to god thar they end up together and we see a montage of them getting married and having kids.

Butt there lies the entire shoupe deal too so im also scared abt that. But I have started praying and there's a year left so atp we can only hope that rafe and sofia end up together.

Also I feel like they should have included fiona in the cast interviews. She is so sweet and bubbly and would have made a great addition to the fun and I WANT TO SEE FIONA AND DREW INTERACT TOGETHER. I hate that even Austin was in the press tour like gtfo.

So basically if rofias not endgame, I will personally b*mb jpates residency so that they don't ruin another ship.

Also thank you so much for sending an ask. Me @araybiaaa and @lostsyren are holding the Fort for rofia so talking about it is so cathartic and less lonely. Hope you have a great day.

[conanssummerchild]

im pissed and im petty and bitter so here are my ex best friends red flags bcs fuck her and now that we're not friends i can stop pretending she was perfect

1. she had such a fucking superiority complex

i swear to god she always thought what she was doing was better or right, for example im really bad at school and she was little miss straight a's, which is fine, until she made it my business too. one time i was talking about struggling in maths and she gave me some advice and i said i did it differently and she said like "well who's in the low maths class?" i never talked to her about academics again. and thats only one example of so many

2. she complained so goddamn much

i swear to god every fucking hour she was venting about something, and it was really uncomfortable ngl bcs i never ever talk about my feelings and i wasnt used to someone being so open, which yeah i know my way isnt healthy either but i swear she had to make everything become about her feelings, like shut your fucking mouth

3. speaking of, she said like that it was weird for her when i talked to her about my dad

like i said i dont talk about my feelings but since she was so open i tried to be more open for her, but i guess i shouldve just kept my mouth shut, bcs i never ever complained abt her venting but when i did it it was too much aparently also i asked her this:

and she never bothered answering. hypocritical if u ask me

4. she reminded me too much of my sister

this isnt a flaw of her own and more of a me problem, but she was too much like my sister and i shouldve identified that as the issue it was earlier on (if ur not familiar with me, me and my sister have a really bad relationship) maybe then i wouldve been able to work through it and it wouldnt have been a problem

5. she was lowkey kinda patronising

she used this fucking voice at me sometimes (usually in autism related issues) and i tried to convince myself it was sweet and comforting but really it felt like she was speaking to a child (i do not fucking like being infantilised.) in fact a lot of the ways she treated me made me feel like a child and it fucking. sucked.

6. everytime i was struggling she would tell me how hard it was for her

I GET IT OH MY GOD SHUT UP. like the first time i didnt mind it, because i knew it was true, but like was it really necessary to say it every. fucking. time? i dont talk about my feelings normally. if she knew i was feeling bad it was only because i was feeling so bad i couldnt hold it together anymore or i was nonverbal. i understand im difficult to deal with like that but telling me how bad it makes you feel just makes me feel more like shit. not everything is about you and your feelings dude

7. she was really gatekeepy over this one youtuber i started watching

ok so theres this youtuber zara beth who one day i discovered on yt and i rlly liked her and so i told my ex bsf and she was like oh yeah i bet u only watched her videos on autism 😒 and she was being like so passive agressive the whole conversation like GIRL, CHILL. even if i did only watch her videos on autism whats wrong with that (and like i didnt even, i watched all of them on 2x speed and binged her entire account)

THE THREE DOTS??? 💀

8. several of the few times i would tell her abt smth that i was upset over she would just straight up change the subject 😭

9. she liked physical contact too much

ik this isnt a red flag really but im not comfortable with so much physical contact so we weren't compatible in this way

10. she liked video calls too much

again, not really a red flag but video calls and just phone calls in general make me so uncomfortable and exhausted and honestly its even kinda overstimulating and she always wanted to call

11. she said she didnt feel like anything was going on in the aftermath of us having had a disagreement, but it built up so much that we havent talked since. so i would say maybe we shouldve talked about it (like i suggested). ('my face was grey but you wouldnt admit that we were sick' vibes)

theres more red flags, but there was also so much good, it wasnt all bad, which makes it hurt more, she truly showed me what it felt like to love and i miss her painfully every day.

[secondchoice-ragdoll]

Am I the only one who is a little sad that the moment Trixie was single she didn't take a second look at Katya and immediately went to the ex? She could've given her a chance. And I wonder how K really feels now that she wants kids. I know she doesn't want them herself, but I'm afraid this will change things between them and I really really hope they don't.

ugh okay first of all: im totally w u and i a 100% see ur point. these have crossed my mind too, and i can easily get to a place where these topics make me sad for a while. but genuinely i dont think we should worry too much abt any of it. at the end all i want is for them to be happy, no matter how that looks like🤝

on a further note, we cant be like *actually* sure abt any of what is going on? like yes it seems pretty clear, and it might as well be exactly as we think it is, its all spelled out, isnt it? its really just that we were the ones who spelled it out, and not T, or any other person who is practicipating in the situation. all im saying is that i wouldnt advise anyone to bet on whats going on w T rn (if for nothing else then just out of respect), and im sure eventually we will hear either a confirmation or a fully different story that will clear things up.

specualtion is free tho, and also pretty interesting, so as long as we keep it kinda hush-hush i think its okay that we entertain ourselves w these anecdotes. like im totally in, and i do think *the* ex is now truly an ex, like that much id even dare to place a bet on. the rest is just questionmarks😭😭😭 like i could see this new guy being actually something, or just a rebound-fling, or just a friend(?). and its also possible that he is the old ex, and then i do have even more questions, but the bar is under a frog's ass after the last guy, so im appriciative towards anyone who is slightly better than him, and it would appear to be a true challenge to be worse than him💀 sooo idk i do believe yall that that guy on the pics is really old KY guy, im just not sure if they r friends or fwb or dating or a secret fourth option? doesnt matter as long as T is okay and having fun. (also, i do think she could have spent some time being single IF she is in a relationship again, but hey, anything is better than how we were around a year ago, no? and as long as a guy doesnt treat her like shit im happy for her!!!) ((and yes. i am really sad miss K got looked over again if thats the case. even if i dont think we will ever get to live in a world they r actually legit dating. in another universe for sure. but in this one? too many hangups. these creatures cant even fucking talk abt the fact that they'd like to hang out more tgthr. like..... be fr😭 they r stooooopid, and thats okay. its sad, its tragic, but its okay, and they have a really special relationship regardless of whether they ever go that far or dont. there is always hope, and even if they fall out now, maybe they need it to break and actually confront the fact that they want to hang out? like there r so many ways for things to go. soooo many. i could sit here and spin this wheel on for hours with no end, i promise. i do think it could have happened in like 2020-2023? maybe even beginning of 24. but as things stand now... eeeh i think it wouldnt be such a clean cut, but they do tend to do things the more complicated way, at least thats how it seems to me. the thing is that they r such complex ppl and they have so many motives that i could make literal lists about what their excuses might be (such as work, but now that T says it doesnt matter that much maybe it changes, or such as age, or what-ifs, or fear of ruining what they have, or thinking that maybe they have missed their chance, new/old confidence issues, mental health states? ...these two...). on the other hand, do we really think K got looked over? Ts literal god? im not so sure, but only time will be able to tell wtf has been going on.))

i see ur concern, and yeah change is fucking scary, especially if such comforting things change. but u see, this could be exactly one of their hangups too. things keep changing no matter what, all we can do is hope they both r okay and happy and nice parts of each other's lives.

i understand that T keeps speaking abt wantimg kids, and sure, pop off! but like, i reaaaally doubt she would be actually having kids this year? like i feel like its maybe a new thing for her to think of having kids as an actual possibility she considers for her future, thus she speaks abt it openly since its one of the things she is interested in now! but like, having a kid is not this quick of a process, even a pregnancy takes 9 months😭😭 and also im pretty sure that her life isnt at a place where she could pick up a kid tomorrow and just go on and be her best self as a parent and i feel like she must be aware of that? T and K would both be at least okay parents, thats for sure!! but like, considering Ts past year... yeah i dont think it will be such a quick happening. once, in a few years, sure! even in 2, why not! but not tomorrow. she'd do fine as a single parent, she'd do fine w a partner, it will be fine, just really not as soon as some ppl r concerned it might be😭 let her just get that birdie first, i think that could be a logical and nice next step!

finally, i really dont think K would have such a problem w children? (even if she did, dont u think shed make an exception for T? im pretty sure she'd do almost anything for/with T.) like she absolutely adores her nephew as far as i know, so im certain she wouldnt delete T's contact info if/when she had a kid. im pretty sure T wouldnt block Ks number either just bc she became a parent, she also seems to know how nice K is to kids despite not necessarily getting them (see: her gifting a lot of money to her nephew's, like, 4th bday? but i could argue that thats a great gift, just more long term great😭). and what if T gets that kid and eventually calls K for help (more likely for herself and not the kid, but this is besides the point), and then K does help, and then they spend even more time together with this newfound excuse, and they realise how well they function as a family, and then they can finally move in together and be lesbians and be disgustingly in love and live happily ever after??? what then???? anyways, my point is that even if they r in a tiny bit of a divitation i highly doubt it would be due to T wanting a kid. i think its more that they both were afraid during T's break that if they reached out more they would annoy the other one, bc "omg what if she needed a break from me too???" (like. T needed a break from her god. and K needed a break from the person who tethers her to this earth. sure jan. emotionally they do have some challenges, thats certain!). and maybe they need to drift a bit apart to then get back together and be even closer (if that is scientifically even possible). things arent as linear and easy as we would like them to be, and since our perspective is and outside one, im pretty sure that from their pov it seems or at least feels sooooo much more complicated. while i just sit on the floor and go "just date ffs its not that hard!!4!4 look back footage of ur faces while u look at eachother!!! thats all u need!!44!", and we r both right! it is very complicated but it could also be manageable. (what i think might be more painful here is if T has the kid w a partner, bc that seems pretty, uh, *certain*, or unchangable, final? obvi its not ***that*** drastic, but it is a bigger deal. so yeah, but i stand by my op that none of this will happen in the blink of an eye, we'll see as it unfolds ig and hope for smth real nice)

[symphonic-scream]

TELL ME ABT GORO AND MAKOTO TWINS AU. I ALREADY TREAT THEM AS WEIRD ASS SIBLINGESQUE RELATIONSHIP STUFF IN CANON SO GIMME THAT SIBLING DYNAMIC AMPLIFIED

UES OKAY

So they're fraternal twins. Goro is two hours older, as there were complications with Makoto and their mother. Makoto made it out, but, their mom passed. Goro jokes that Makoto killed their mom. She argues back that it was his giant ass baby head that killed her

For the first few years they're, actually good siblings. Hands held as they sleep as infants, babbling at each other happily. Goro cried on the first day of school when he discovered he was in a different class. They hugged after every school day back then

Constantly playing together and shit. There's a photo album that's just them, together. They were inseparable for a number of years

That. Changes though.

By the time they're in high school, they can barely stand each other. Goro, found their father. Hoping for validation and such, he left Makoto's side to do whatever Shido asked of him. Makoto, just kind of tried to focus on improving. Shes spent her whole life being second to her brother. She thinks it's about time she gets to be the one ahead

They spend more time in their own rooms. Silently sitting at opposite ends of the table. Glaring over their dinner. Goro doesn't want his sister to get in his way. He's going to make their father proud, have someone who sees him as an individual, not "Makoto's brother"

And. Makoto just wants someone, anyone to tell her she's enough. But if her own twin doesn't think she's good enough, who else would? She develops a little complex from it

Then, they reach their third year. The Niijima Twins are Shujin's shining idols. The friendly, smiley Detective Prince, and his twin sister, the icy Student Council President. Untouchable, many think

They're verbally abrasive to each other. At school, Goro has the polite tone, but he's mocking her. Using smart words to call her names. Makoto fumes and waits until they're home again to wrestle him to the ground, where they roll around and scrap like temperamental kittens

She calls him a bitch. He calls her detestable

Around the time she becomes a Phantom Thief, after the incident where Sae says she eats away at her life, "WHY CAN'T YOU BE MORE LIKE GORO?"

Makoto doesn't even make it to her room. She's kneeling in the hall, fighting back the tears, and she hears him stop right behind her. "Dear sister, crying over a few simple words? You really are weak."

"SHUT UP! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE, TO NEVER BE ENOUGH! I'VE BEEN SECOND TO YOU MY WHOLE LIFE, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?!"

They don't talk for a week. Makoto becomes Queen, and. Some sort of confidence in herself starts to bloom. Goro begins to hate himself a little more, as Shido tells him to amp things up. He's more like Makoto than he thinks,

They are such toxic siblings for so long. And. In their Father's palace, Makoto gets her wish.

When the hatch closes, and they hear the shot, Queen falls to her knees, muttering soft "no, no-"

Joker is numb. Makoto is near hysterical. Someone ends up having to support her home. One of the others ends up telling Sae. The sisters fall asleep on the couch after crying for hours, hoping they'll wake up to their jerk brother making breakfast, cursing them out for buying only cheap coffee

He isn't there. He's gone

Makoto's twin brother, is dead

BUT SURPRISE THE THIRD SEMESTER HAOOENS AND HES BACK

They talk it out a bit. After, of course, his sister's crush him in a hug, Makoto smacks him a bit, Saw ruffles both their hair

Goro: did you miss me? Silly question, I know, after I've been so awful to you-

Makoto: of course I did. I'm incomplete without you. You're my brother, jackass. Despite how much you make me furious, I love you. If you die again, I'll kill you myself

It's a slow recovery from there. In Strikers, they take turns driving. At one point Goro breaks out his fake ID, getting them each a can of beer. They sit on the roof of the camper and slowly sip at them, talking civilly for the first time in. Forever

Just. Lots of shit like that.

[simpforcatsystem]

Autistic High Empathy Masking Theory

Ok OK ok So I just saw a tiktok a few hours ago about the tendency of high-empathy autistic individuals having problems with others trauma-dumping on them, inappropriately given the social context, as in strangers or new acquaintances, or coworkers who are not on the level of being friends with. I have experienced this myself and tbh it has fucked up my gage for what's normal human interaction and how to build friendships.

I think I have an idea for why it happens, though.

Ok So short version: High empathy folks mask in a way that gears them towards social acceptance, due to a number of things, but the mask is imperfect and signals a deeper level of social connection due to the empathy.

Main points this theory relies on: 1. The idea that high empathy folks tend to have a specific, consistent, different masking style than low empathy folks. 2. The commonly accepted theory that masking is used for social acceptance and safety. 3. The commonly accepted theory that the mirror neuron system contains abnormalities in autistic individuals(its been seen in certain studies, but I always have doubts on their sampling) AND the idea that that said abnormalities differ between autistic people and empathy levels (not spoken about to my knowledge, hence my doubt abt previous studies).

So the video previously referenced talked about the discussion in the community about low empathy autistics and their resulting difficulties in making and keeping relationships, especially friendships.

My theory, if correct, would simply explain this as the mirror neuron system not influencing the body language and behavior of the person, and possibly not even their cognition. This would result in less socially-endearing behavior as part of the social mask, subconsciously expressing a social cue of "I have no obligation to be safe for you" (social cues are a whole thing and I've studied them a lot to try to figure them out but I think I'm pretty close; the basics of it boil down to situational pack bonds, camaraderie, and signals for safety on moving to a more intimate level of relationships, such as friends, good friends, and people you can be vulnerable with. The social cues I'll be talking about are safety and pack-bond signaling ones, because they're most relevant in the discussion for acquaintances)

The result of this social cue is that the person spoken to is less willing to be vulnerable and create less of a foundation for a friendship or otherwise to be built on. (Neurotypicals, like autistics, need a foundation of safety, but unlike autistics, they don't necessarily build it by qualities, they build it by consistency and safety previously shown in the relationship) 

Disclaimer: There are obviously many factors that could go into this, namely the early trauma surrounding human interaction creating an avoidant attachment style and activating danger signals in low-empathy folks to subconsciously prioritize their emotions over others. This could lead to further disuse of the mirror neuron complex, I really haven't studied this enough and I'm not sure I will be able to. 

Anywho:

If this is true, then the opposite could be said for high-empathy autistics, in that our empathy is due to an overactive mirror neuron network, and that that same network influences our masking style because of the perceived rejection we received when our behavior caused others to feel rejected, early in the masking process. That rejection shapes our social cues to give out accepting ones no matter what is aimed at us, so the relationship level(acceptable amount of vulnerability) in the other person's mind deepens rather quickly, because every subconscious feeler they put out to see where the social line is is met with an inviting "You're good! Come on in! You're safe here." social cue, which is quite often latched onto by other traumatized individuals, but also a good portion of the general population. (hence, the trauma dumping)

People crave connection, and our nervous systems are telling them they can find it here. 

I might post separately how this can create a specific type of attachment style and dissociative aspect to the autistic trauma in individuals, but for now I'll leave it at the fact that this reward circuit, which would also be developed in early childhood, tells our brains that this version of ourselves is accepted and other versions aren't. So therefore, we need to spend far more time working on this to gain social acceptance, because in the past, evolutionarily, social acceptance was the literal biggest factor that made or broke whether we survived. 

That could easily play into the gifted kid syndrome as well as many of the other common high-masking autistic experiences. 

As you can tell, I'm totally normal and cool about this. But uh if you wanna ask me questions I'd be happy to answer them :)

[trickstarbrave]

"People who are annoying are just doing astrology wrong" nice no true scottsman fallacy there. People find astrology insufferable because it's a pseudoscience and you aren't helping the matter by insisting there is an actual "true" way to do it that isn't just being a dick to other people for no reason.

okay but there are actual methods of doing astrology. you know that right. there is genuine math calculations to find the position of EVERY planet and relevant asteroid as well as the angles between them. they are doing astrology incorrectly bc you cannot only look at one astrology sign in isolation. that's like finding out someone is. idk. a teacher and basing every last part of their personality around the random fact about them and getting mad when they don't act like the perfect "teacher" you have envisioned in your mind. which isn't what astrology is for

astrology is a cultural practice based around the principle of things do not uniquely happen to individuals and if you look at trends long enough and chart time you can make predictions about it. empires tend to last around 200 years without major disruption. communication and technology and travel problems pop up certain times of the year. people tend to have major life changes around the age of 28-31 where they finally become fully realized adults and have to process everything that came before that. the planets and stars and asteroids do not cause these with magical space beams, humans have just been basically have the same exact fucking problems, which is kind of endearing and freeing. like wow, my life is kinda being hell right now at age 28. glad almost every other human being who has kept track of it has gone through smth similar

if you dont have an interest in it that's fine too. i dont like sitting down with random strangers i dont know and telling them about themselves based on some math i did after being forced to ask them very personal information like "where exact were you born to the closest coordinates possible preferably and exactly what time down to the hour and minute". which is really what you would NEED to do to start actually making assumptions about someone based on astrology. like sure, they might be a cancer sun. they could however have various other placement that effect it like my saturn is conjunct my moon exactly which leads to much more tame emotional reactions and i have an aries moon (moon rules cancer so these are relevant), and an aqua rising which is more what ppl are going to see upon first meeting. as well my cancer sun is in the 6th house which influences things more in that area of life (like health and jobs).

people are complex and astrology is complex to account for that but really most ppl don't want a play by play categorization of their entire personalities, back stories, trauma, family relations, and relationships with their community. you frankly dont need to know all that to have a normal fucking conversation with someone. you can learn all of that that you NEED to know just by talking to them like a normal person rather than make assumptions based on their sun sign of all things.

personally im mostly interested in astrology in terms of problems you might face like personal flaws, pit falls, traumas, and difficulties in life. which a lot of ppl are interested in hearing about being dumped on them at random. so i REALLY try hard not to be weirdly invasive abt it especially. but when i am asked specifically to do so it tends to be accurate. which is again reassuring that man humans have always had the same problems and we've always found ways to get thru it

tl;dr: there are ways to actually do astrology and you dont even need to do all that to talk to someone like a normal fucking person. i do not get why ppl demand to know your sun sign and then judge you for it.

edit: also yeah its a pseudo science doing math doesnt make things super scientific. but lots of things that matter arent science. so

[izzy-b-hands]

I think I’ve identified the main issue w/the latest rizzy fic, but fuck me if I can figure out how to fix it.

I don’t know exactly where it’s going.

Normally, this isn’t an issue. I tend to let the story flower as I go, and trim as needed.

But I’m absolutely staggered with this one, where it’s either (major spoilers for this modern AU fic plot here no matter what direction I go with it in the end, but if you don’t mind that/are curious abt the text blocks of info doing my head in, read on lmao):

Version A: Roach (independent food/chef vlogger) gets too into his May 31st project (a crepe cake) and works into June 1st, only to be reminded by Izzy of his extensively planned Pride Month activities/ideas, that Roach had advertised all the month of May as starting IMMEDIATELY on the first (aka he should already have a video of a themed dish up, but he doesn’t bc he’s on Cake Ten of the crepe cake, and their pantry is now fucking empty too.) Fic (tentatively for now) would end with Izzy figuring out how to help him A. finally finish a satisfactory crepe cake (to Roach’s standards, aka Very Fucking High), B. rapid fire choose and film one of his themed ideas for the Pride Month stuff, and C. eventually sleep bc all of this is going down at like. One in the morning.

Version B: All of the above up until Izzy’s part. Instead of figuring it out that night, he gets Roach to bed and does what he can to help before leaving for his own job (PA/Security/Other Duties As Assigned to the combined very rich household of Ed, Stede, Mary, Doug, and the kids (in a huge shared house, so they aren’t in each other’s faces if they don’t wanna be, plus Ed & Stede are implied to own other property they spend time at too.))

The issue with Version B is that I worry the thing is getting too Big:

now I have a subplot started there about Izzy admitting to Mary (when he drops in for the morning to take the kids to school and give both couples of the house one of the reject cakes that Roach has deemed won’t be used at all by him. They have ten fucking cakes in the fridge, getting rid of two barely puts a dent in it tbh)

that his mum passed, in England (implied that everyone else is living in the States or NZ, I’m not exactly sure where I wanna put them yet frankly bc either is fine like I DON’T ACTUALLY CARE BUT I GOTTA IMPLY ONE OR THE OTHER DON’T I) last year, during June.

And he just didn’t tell anyone bc A. everyone was busy w/their own lives, B. Roach was doing his usual Pride Month stuff, and Izzy always helps him film/cook/etc for any bigger projects whenever he can, and he didn’t wanna distract from that, and C. he and his mum had a Complex relationship, so he probably wasn’t going to go visit her before she died anyway (secretly, he wishes he had. Only one who knows anything abt how Izzy and his mum interacted is Ed, who tbh has gotten distracted from any of that stuff since meeting Stede and focusing on helping create the shared family they have w/Mary, Doug, and the kids. Which is absolutely fair, but still. For the sake of their friendship, it will need Addressing of some kind, at some point.)

Like all of this is fine in theory, but it already feels sort of out of control? Bc like I then need to address in a finished version of B:

-Izzy and his mum

-Izzy and Ed

-Izzy and his relationship w/Ed, Stede, Mary, Doug, and the kids. Only bc there’s the implication that while it’s good and fairly easy work for Izzy, he occasionally does feel/get treated like The Help during work hours vs someone they actually know well who happens to work for them, and they sort of. Forget that once his shift is done for the day, he might still hang out just as a friend of the family, and they don’t always remember to turn off that Voice of talking To The Help in those moments (with it being noted that Roach and other crew members have witnessed this, but have leaned on Izzy to sort of give them permission to call it out, which of course he isn’t gonna do for fear of it fucking up their arrangement, and he doesn’t wanna job search in his mid-fifties. Which I think is valid enough lol.)

-Roach and his Pride Month problem (aka he’s got all the research in front of him, in this case the idea that he’ll highlight dishes that were beloved by notable/famous ppl w/in the LGBTQ community, but Actually, that isn’t always info that’s easy to find and some of it is more basic foods which he expected, and it’s fine, except he really wanted to challenge himself and maybe if he just looks a little more he can find something else-cut to two hours later and he’s asleep on his laptop. This isn’t even getting into the actual cooking and videoing of said cooking. He needs a Break.)

-Roach and Izzy addressing their mutual issue of ‘working too goddamn much, but not knowing how to take breaks and not feel Terrible and Useless during them.’ It isn’t necessarily hurting their relationship, but it is making them both more stressed than they need to be, and neither of them knows how to calm their brains down enough to understand that they can, in fact, budget for a small break or a vacation and nothing bad will happen.

-The kids and their implied issue w/mainly Mary and Stede (Ed and Doug hang back and are still doing the ‘I’m a new stepparent and I don’t wanna fuck up and overdo any of this, so I just sort of do what my spouse tells me to do re: the kids’ discipline/scheduling/etc), that they’re forcing them into an obscene amount of extra activities (including night tennis lessons, that require Izzy to also stay/work late, not getting them home until nearly ten at night, and himself then even later.) I don’t think they actually allow night tennis of any kind for kids unless it’s like. a fun now and again event, but to me it sounds exactly like what Mary and Stede would get talked into signing the kids up for. After all, it’ll look good on various school applications, and there’s nearly two whole hours after the after school study groups and other sports they play, surely the kids don’t want to sit and do nothing then? (spoiler alert: they do. they just want to sit and do nothing and be kids, which Mary and Stede do know, but have forgotten in the mess of getting divorced, then watching each other get remarried nearly right away, then realising it would easier/cheaper to try and share a home and keep the kids stable under one roof and moving everyone in together. Not an excuse, just an explanation.)

And that’s. So Much Stuff for one fic. And that’s WITHOUT figuring out what I want the main goal/ending to look like for sure. I won’t lie and say I’m good at multichaptered fics, I’m very much not, but I think that’s the only way Version B could work. And Version B, for what it’s worth, I think could be very satisfying and interesting as a read.

Version A, on the other hand, would be shorter, less dramatic, and would probably involve just Izzy and Roach, whereas Version B eventually would at least be referencing that like. The crew we know and love still work for Ed and Stede and whatever they do in this modern AU (marketing that only involves nautical/maritime/marine life themes maybe? does it matter in the end if it gets mentioned vaguely all of once???)

Even then, we still have the issue of: where in the FUCK is any of this going? What’s the point?

Version A, to me rn, is much more focused on rizzy and the internal dynamic there, focusing hard on the comfort of their life together and tackling problems together. I could probably just pull together something cute abt Izzy trying to fix the latest crepe cake while Roach films his first Pride video. Like my current tentative ending isn’t horrible. Nothing to write home abt, but it’s Fine, ya know?

Version B, to me again dlksajf, is a bigger overall picture that frustratingly, as of yet, doesn’t have a real huge or distinct end goal. It’s less of a ‘here’s a set ending with clear wins and losses’ and more of a ‘life and ppl are messy, no matter how hard anyone tries. Everyone here is doing their best, and learning. Here’s how they’re doing by the end and what they’ve managed to learn/work on, with the implication that they’re gonna keep learning and doing better, but not without fucking up more first bc. Human’

But are either of those actually fucking satsifying???? I wish I knew!!! I was absolutely flying along writing the draft for Version B until all of the above shit knocked on the door of my brain and put up a goddamn roadblock!!!

This is so much info, but if you’ve read this far and have any thoughts/opinions on which of these seems more worth pursuing, please let me know somehow. I’m dying to brainstorm & bounce ideas around w/folks. But even if u just wanna say ‘nah Version A sucks do B’ or vice versa. Pls say it fdksafalk

[elytrafemme]

actually im going 2 rephrase. im not against self diagnosis & im happy if my experiences can help other ppl figure things out & im sure im a hypocrite bc even my BPD thing is like... well u werent given a questionnaire and diagnosed professionally so none of the other stuff that went into this realization both on my and my therapists end matters. so its like im sure ppl think that im faking this too and by God i am scared that IM faking this lol. 

but what i just get. upset by ig is like... i think bc im in the same shoes but like. sometimes u read info abt mental health disorders & the info is online and meant 2 distill the experience down to be easily understood and ppl are like ok! This Applies To Me bc ultimately every disorder at its basis relates to some kind of human experience it just gets amplified thats all the controversy with the dsm5 etc etc

and i know bc i did that! when i was trying to figure out what was wrong w me (and repressing any part of me that thought it was BPD) i looked into disorders and went Oh Shit Thats Me bc i wasnt looking at testimonials or actual diagnostic info or studies yet i was like. well this summarized version (still from a reputable source or primary source. thats important these arent like random ass websites right) makes sense to Me. i did this with bipolar because i knew i had depressive episodes and i kenw i had periodic hypomanic (which i think at this point is below hypomanic but still some sort of psychological manic response, its complicated i can explain if anyone cares etc) so i was like this is probably it! but when i actually figured out ok how does bipolar affect ppls lives how does it manifest across a WIDE sample i was like oh, no. this doesn’t really make sense at all. 

and when u further deconstruct disorders as like... theres so much overlap and sometimes the traits that could be explained by X disorder are better explained by Y disorder bc to an extent these labels are ‘arbitrary’ (not the right word but u get it), you realize like ok. what im worried about IS valid but these arent the explanations. 

this is all to say that i get it and im not upset at ppl for being in different stages of realizing that. 

i think what upsets me is when i try to articulate 2 people like. here’s my experience w/ this right and its like, already so so hard to articulate bc  how do i capture this in a way that doesnt raise alarm but is inherently alarming but without that element of risk it just sounds too abstract? it sounds very much non maladaptive when i try to take out the parts that are really really bad so even trying to explain why i act the way i act is extremely vulnerable. and then bc i cant explain it ppl are like “oh omg i do that too” or they do the far less favored “girl that’s normal” which ppl, actually do say to me.

and i dont like this idea of ‘trauma olympics’ or comparison or whatever but i do think to an extent its important to emphasize that like... a lot of symptoms are really intense versions of what a person may everyday experience heres a BPD related example right. everyone has had times where they are irrationally hating a close friend of theirs. ESPEC if that relationship is already complicated . so whenever i talk about splitting ppl are like no no thats normal or Oh yeah i get it.

but splitting isnt “i have a complex dynamic w a person i have heavy emotional investment with therefore sometimes i really hate them” and splitting isnt “me and my friend have this underlying tension and now i kind of want them dead”. splitting for me is like... i would throw away my entire future for someone bc there is no no way that anything they want could be morally wrong. and then in the next moment i am CONVINCED i have to kill them because they are immoral and deserve to be hunted down because they are manipulative and vile and abusive. and its the same person and this could be an ENTIRE fucking stranger, ive done this with ppl ive known for like. a total of an hour. 

so its not like im trying to tell people like no you dont have BPD no you dont split etc. but its hard to say like. you dont get it. bc that makes people want to duouble down right!

but sometimes ppl dont get it. and it sucks bc i feel like im at a place where i HAVE to explain whats going on with me (tho ive resisted telling some ppl thank God) but whenever i do i regret it bc they very clearly do not get it and they’re trying but they like. make jokes about me being “actually a horrible person” or talk about how i need medication and its like. if you listened you would remember why i cant do that but at this point i dont think u listened i think the words went to your ears and you forgot what they all meant at all.