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whyse7vn · 1 year

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I’M SORRY -

[ ot7 x reader ]

JUNGKOOK -

jk: i’m sorry

jk: didn’t mean to make you upset :(

i hope i die

i should get jumped

barely survive

be on life support until i’m 50

and when i wake up die from the most painful heart attack recorded

i hope no one attends my funeral and i’m publicly and privately made fun of even after i’ve passed

hope my parents are ashamed and i hope that whenever the name jungkook is said people feel sick to their stomachs

i’m gonna throw up

gonna choke myself to death

i have the tightest grip on my throat rn

i’m going red

it’s fading to black

i’m sorry i wasn’t being a good boyfriend

tell bam that his dad was an asshole who didn’t deserve any rights

don’t even let him remember me as his father

i don’t deserve that title

i don’t deserve anything

not after what i did

burn all my clothes

delete all my pictures

tear my face off all posters

cross my name off all paperwork

i am not worthy of anything

y/n: shut up

jk: i’m sorry

y/n: i can tell

jk: i didn’t mean it

y/n: i forgive you

jk: really?

y/n: yeah

jk: do you really or are joking?

if ur joking it’s not a funny joke

y/n: you can come back home now

jk: really 🥺?

y/n: don’t ever use that emoji again

jk: sorry

i’m coming

omw

i love you

this is so great

y/n: you’re so dramatic

jk: i’m sorry

y/n: stop apologising

jk: sorry

i mean

love u

y/n: hurry up

jk: 🏃‍♂️

SEOKJIN -

jin: can you talk to me now

hey

i’m going to kms and it gonna be all your fault if you don’t reply to me

y/n: record it

jin: hey loml 😘😘❤️❤️❤️🤗🤗

WAIT WTF

THATS SO SICK?/?:£:££.&.&.&&.

y/n: what do you want?

jin: i love you ❤️💓🩷

y/n: bye

jin: WAITTTT :(((((((((((((((

pls

y/n: what

jin: i’m outside 🤭🤗❤️

y/n: stay outside

jin: am i a dog?????

DON’T ANSWER THAT

anyways

i’ve come to see you princess 😘❤️‍🔥

y/n: gross

go home

jin: i am home 🥺

y/n: ur at MY home

jin: tu casa es mi casa 😚

y/n: that is not how that phrase goes

jin: let me inside pookie it’s cold 😍

y/n: you should have a key if it’s ur house

jin: LET ME IN IM TRYING SOSOSOSO HARD

FUCK YOU

ITS COLD

MY HAIR IS WET

IM DISTRESSED

LET ME INNNNNNNN

y/n: it took you 3 minutes

to be an asshole again

jin: :((((

i really tried that time

i can’t help it

this is real this is me

i was born this way

you can’t change me

ur the asshole if we think about it why are you trying to change people?? let the world know you LOSER

y/n: fyi you can stay outside

jin: PLS NOOOO PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS

y/n: “pls” doesn’t really sound like sorry to me…

jin: I SAID IM SORRY

I DIDN’T MEAN TO SHOUTT

IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRYYYYYYYYYYY

i love you

this is kinda sadistic if you think about it

didn’t know you was a freak like that bae

it’s okay i kinda like it

how about you let me in now

or do you want me to beg more???

pls oh plsssss let me in 🥺

i’ll never be mean again i promise 😇

pls 😚

hello??

babe??????

fr this isn’t funny

hello

HELLO

OPEN THE DOOR PLS

HELLLOOOO

OMH

HELLLLO

pls

i’m fr sorry

i mean it like genuinely

hello

…

okay let’s stop now

…………..

HELLLLO

fuck you

HOSEOK -

hobi: this fighting stuff kinda boring now

….

hello

i’m sorry

BOOOO

:(((

y/n: you can’t just walk out the house mid argument

hobi: in my defence u were being mean

y/n: so were you???

hobi: ??

y/n: be honest are you fr gonna just leave like that when things get hard?

hobi: i mean i might

y/n: …

hobi: things were pretty hard

y/n: AS MAN OF THE HOUSE YOU SHOULD OF GOT RID OF THE SPIDER

hobi: AS A FEMINIST I LEFT YOU TO TAKE CARE OF IT TO HELP YOU FEEL EMPOWERED

y/n: fuck you don’t come home

hobi: i would never lie to u bae 🙏🏼

and i would never suppress a moment for a woman to feel empowered

y/n: don’t actually fucking speak to me

hobi: ily

cheer up baby cheer up baby

y/n: picked the wrong member

jungkook would of helped me

hobi: omg????????

are you fr?

y/n: would never lie to you bae 🙏🏽

hobi: ….

JIMIN -

jimin:

y/n: ???

jimin: are you still mad at me?

y/n: yes jimin wtf

jimin: do you want to have sex?

y/n: yes jimin wtf

jimin: love you

y/n: whatever

jimin: say it back

y/n: i won’t

jimin: you will

y/n: definitely will not

jimin: i’ll sing for you

y/n: no thanks

jimin: no thanks?

y/n: no thanks.

jimin: you say that like i’m bad at singing

y/n: eh

jimin: eh?

y/n: eh.

jimin: i won’t have sex with you

y/n: aw man

jimin: don’t sound too sad

y/n: ok

jimin: you should be

y/n: i’m not

jimin: i go crazy in bed yk?

y/n: that is the ugliest thing you have ever said to me

jimin: if ur not in love with me just say that

y/n: i won’t

jimin: so ur IN love with me is what i’m hearing

y/n: ur not hearing anything cuz we are messaging rn

jimin: can you just tell me you love me like a normal person?

y/n: you don’t deserve it

jimin: okay maybe that’s true

but you should do it just once

pretty pls with a cherry on top 🥺

y/n: i’ll punch you

jimin: maybe i’ll enjoy it

y/n: nasty

jimin: kiss me

y/n: where are you?

jimin: ur really gonna kiss me?

y/n: ur talking long to tell me where you are so ig i’m not

jimin: joon’s studio

y/n: maybe i’m omw

jimin: ur so in love with me it’s kinda gross 🤭

YOONGI -

yoongi: :3

y/n: die tbh

yoongi: :3

y/n: your stupid faces mean nothing to me

yoongi: :3

y/n: …

yoongi: :33333

y/n: i hate you

yoongi: :Ɛ

y/n: ew wtf how did you do that

yoongi: Ɛ:

y/n: stop omg

yoongi: i’m sorry :3

y/n: cool

yoongi: i’m fr :3

y/n: idc :3

yoongi: you used the face :3

ur not mad :3

y/n: ur logic is wrong

yoongi: bring the face back :3

and it’s not logic it’s common sense :3

y/n: ur wrong

yoongi: never been wrong a day in my life :3

y/n: that’s crazy

so when you shouted at me for no reason you weren’t in the wrong?

good to know

yoongi: okay i never said that :3

y/n: but you did

yoongi: ur being annoying :3

y/n: fuck you

DID YOU JUST SEND ME 10K?????????

yoongi: did i? :3

y/n: you can’t just buy my forgiveness

yoongi: i can’t? :3

y/n: this is not how relationships work yoongi

yoongi: this is how our relationship works :3

y/n: no it’s not

STOP SENDING ME MONEY OMG?:£:£:’

yoongi: :3

y/n: you are still not forgiven leave me alone

yoongi: unforgiven i’m a villain :3

y/n: SEND ANOTHER 10k AND UR GETTING BLOCKED

yoongi: ur making me real upset rn :3

y/n: go back to work

yoongi: stop being mad at me :3

y/n: die

yoongi: don’t say that i’m about to get on a plane :3

y/n: now i feel bad

yoongi: say sorry :3

y/n: nvm

yoongi: :(

look you’ve made me change faces hope you feel bad :(

y/n: i don’t

yoongi: ur sick and twisted :(

y/n: cry about it

yoongi: really hope i survive this plane ride :(

y/n: i will not be guilt tripped by you

yoongi: you told me to die knowing i was getting on a plane :(

y/n: bye

yoongi: what if i had a deep deep fear of flying and u made that fear 10x worse rn :(

y/n: you don’t

yoongi: you don’t know a thing :(

y/n: fuck you

yoongi: do you really want ur last words to me be fuck you :(

y/n: fly safe

TAEHYUNG -

y/n: no

tae: hiiiiiiii

wtf how did you know

y/n: blocked

tae: NONONONONONO

y/n: you have one minute

tae: i am walking alone rn

y/n: ???

tae: on the street

y/n: ok?

tae: alone

y/n: you said that

tae: ALONE

ALL ALONE

y/n: right

tae: it’s not right actually

ITS VERY FAR FROM RIGHT

i’m ALONE

do you know what could happen to me rn?

i could literally be snatched up off the street by anyone

y/n: hopefully it’s a rehabilitation centre 🙏🏽

tae: WHAG IS UR PROBLEM

IM ALONE ALONE ALONE ALONE

KIM TAEHYUNG ALONE ON THE STREET

WHAT ARE YOU NOT GETTING HERE?

y/n: ur one minute is up

tae: no it’s not

can you pls care for me rn i’m stressed out

y/n: it was pretty stressful when you stood me up yesterday

but i powered through 💪🏽

i’m sure you can do the same!!!

tae: that never happened

pls let’s pretend that never happened

i’m the perfect boyfriend i swear

y/n: get lost

like actually

never come back

tae: 😢

you don’t even mean that

y/n: are you sure?

tae: IM SORRY PLS PLSPLSSSSSS

forgive me

y/n: no

tae: you can have my card

y/n: don’t want it

tae: take my house

i’ll give you my keys rn

y/n: i have ur keys

tae: you do?

you thief omg

give them back

y/n: you left them here???

after YOU stormed out my house after you made ME upset

tae: oh yeah

i’m coming back now

y/n: asshole

tae: let’s put this behind us and move on

that’s a great idea i say

y/n: you are single

tae: don’t say that

y/n: said it

tae: we are actually engaged and expecting our 10th child

y/n: you are single

tae: top 10 singles

made a few of those in my time

LOL

i’m funny right

say i’m funny

y/n: it’s painful talking to you

tae: painfully in love with me are you?

y/n: it’s like i’m taking to a brick wall

you have like selective hearing

tae: what i’m hearing is you want to kiss me on the lips?

y/n: call an ambulance

tae: feeling so much love for me ur throwing up?

???

hello

maybe i do deserve this

NAMJOON -

y/n: would you now like to explain why the hell you sent halsey flowers on MY birthday??

namjoon: it wasn’t just on ur birthday i’ve been sending them all week for like a month now

y/n: namjoon what the fuck??

namjoon: i’m confused

y/n: UR confused????

do you like her or something?

namjoon: ofc i like her!

y/n: so ur cheating?

namjoon: what

y/n: ur cheating on me and you have no shame???

what the actual fuck is wrong with you??

namjoon: i’m not cheating?

y/n: for a month now you’ve been sending another girl that you like flowers

EVERY WEEK???

namjoon: every friday

y/n: fuck you

namjoon: i’m confused how that’s cheating when you told me to do that?

y/n: WHEN HAVE I EVER SAID “OH NAMJOON SEND OTHER BITCHES FLOWERS”

namjoon: you literally said you loved how halsey’s bf gave her flowers every week and that you wished i did that?

y/n: ….

there is no way

….

namjoon

oh my god

kim fucking namjoon

LMAOOSO ARE YOU FR?

namjoon: what??? i’m so confused pls tell me what i did wrong

i would never cheat on you

ur freaking me out

y/n: think about it

why would i wish you sent halsey flowers?

think

like really think

namjoon: IDK i was confused as hell but you seemed like you really wanted me to

so i did

y/n: i meant i wanted you to buy ME flowers you idiot omg

namjoon: oh

that makes a lot more sense

y/n: yeah

you are the dumbest smart man i’ve ever met

namjoon: my fault

i get confused sometimes 😞

y/n: i love you

namjoon: i love you too

ur not mad anymore?

y/n: could never be mad at you silly

345 notes · View notes

fortheloveofwonderland · 1 year

Text

No Distance Left to Run | Part 3 | S.R

Previous Part | Next Part

Chapter Summary - With your secrets coming to light you decide to take some time off to get your life in order. And that includes putting some between you and Spencer.

Pairing - Spencer Reid / BAU Fem! Reader

Category - friends to lovers | mutual pining | angst with happy ending | smut minors DNI

Warnings - spoilers for 14.05 Tall Man, break ups, abusive relationship, making out, bruises, scars, readers insecurities, tears, cheating, fingering, handjob, allusions to sex, swearing, brief mention of past drug addiction, brief mention of prison.

WC - 7.7k

Part 3 - Hide and Seek

Present Day

Spencer caught up with Max in the reception hall, stopping her leaving with a hand around her wrist.

When she turned to face him he saw the unshed tears behind her eyes.

“I’m really sorry you had to hear that.” He swallowed.

“Me too.” She nodded sadly.

In his peripheral vision he noticed someone pass by, dressed in a caterer's uniform. He waited for them to leave before he spoke again.

“I’ve been in love with her for so long it’s just become a part of who I am.” He confessed. “I never let myself get close to anyone on the off chance she might have one day decided she felt the same. Just before I met you we…we, uh, slept together and she just up and left while I was asleep and never mentioned it again. It told me everything I needed to know, and so I made the decision to finally move on. I opened myself up to being with someone else and there you were.

I really like you Max, I think we could have had something really amazing. But I can’t lie to you and tell you that I’m not always going to have feelings for Y/N, because at this point I’m sure they will never go away. And that’s not fair on you.”

“No, it's not.” She shook her head.

“I got held hostage yesterday, Y/N and I did.” He sighed, scratching at the back of his neck. “The unsub liked to play truth or dare. He had a gun pointed at her and made her confess to a secret she would never admit outloud.”

Max narrowed her eyes on him, despite not being a profiler she could easily read between the lines.

“She told you she has feelings for you?”

“She did.” Spencer nodded. “I still don’t know if she meant it or not, or if she was just trying to shock the guy.”

“Spencer,” Max sighed deeply. “For a genius you are pretty dumb sometimes.”

“Uh, I’m sorry?” Spencer’s brows furrowed at her.

“The first time you introduced me to your team, I could tell within five minutes that she had feelings for you. I’m no expert in reading human behaviour but I can read women. She barely said two words to me, she wouldn’t look me in the eyes. And every time I looked at her, she was staring longingly at you.” Max shrugged.

“I’m not even sure any of that matters.” He shook his head. “She’s married, albeit not happily. She has two wonderful kids. It’s not my place to break up a family.”

“It sounds like that family broke itself up.”

“You heard a lot more of that conversation than I realised.” He rolled his lip between his teeth. “I’m not gonna be the guy that swoops in when her husband has just been arrested for trying to kill her.”

“I can’t tell you what to do.” Max shrugged. “But fifteen years is a really long time to carry a torch for someone. I think the two of you at least owe yourselves an honest conversation.”

After all this time? Always.

“I really am sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you, that was the last thing I ever wanted to do.”

“I’ll bounce back.” Her lip quipped into something close to a smile. “It sucks, but I’ll bounce back.”

Spencer dared to step closer to her, placing his hand on her lower back and leaning in to gently kiss her cheek. When he stepped back the two of them looked at each other somewhat wistfully for a moment or two, silent goodbyes passing between them. Eventually Max took a few steps backwards, wrapping her arms around herself.

“Take care of yourself, Spencer.”

“You too.” He nodded and watched as she turned on her heels and continued towards the door.

He fell back against the nearest wall, resting his head on it and looking up at the ceiling. He wasn’t sure how to begin processing everything. In the space of twenty four hours you’d told him you loved him, he’d broken up with Max and he’d discovered your husband was in prison for almost murdering you.

How had you managed to keep that from him? He could usually read you so well, how he had not seen it?

He thought back over the last five days since he’d returned from teaching. The first two you’d been lost in somewhat of a daze, as though you were sleepwalking with your eyes open.

By the third day something shifted. You seemed happier, lighter even. He’d seen a smile on your face he hadn’t seen in years.

Now he knew why that was. It was the smile of a woman who had finally gotten out of the clutches of her abuser.

Another thought hit him then with startling clarity.

Five nights ago he’d had a missed call from you. He’d asked you about it the next day but you’d insisted it must have been a pocket dial.

You’d called him the night Jared was arrested. Did you try to call him with your husband's hand around your throat? Was it after? Maybe even before?

He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. In all the years he’d known you he didn’t think he’d ever not answered a phone call from you. And the one time you’d needed him most, he’d been…indisposed.

He kept his eyes screwed tightly shut, half hoping he may disappear into the wall his back was pressed up against.

You’d needed him and he hadn’t been there. For the first time in fifteen years, Spencer had chosen someone else over you.

***

Five Days Ago

Max had been insistent that she and Spencer take things slow. She’d been hurt in the past, disappointed when she hurried into something.

And Spencer was happy to oblige. At least he had been for the most part.

He was a gentleman, and it wasn’t as though he was used to getting regular sex and therefore it shouldn’t have made a difference whether or not they were sleeping together.

Before his night spent with you in Varnville, it had been a painfully long time since he’d gotten laid, well before his arrest in Mexico. And even before then it wasn’t as though he’d been sleeping around or anything.

Truthfully Spencer had only ever slept with a handful of women. Not even a handful really. He could count his sexual encounters on one hand and still have fingers left over.

It was a combination of things. For one, Spencer didn’t relish the idea of having sex for the sake of it. Sure it would be nice to feel close to someone but if he didn’t have some kind of preexisting feelings for them then he wasn’t interested. Secondly, even if he did like the idea of casual sex, he was far too awkward to initiate such a thing.

And thirdly, Spencer never did like the thought of having sex with anyone who wasn’t you.

So it hadn’t bothered him that Max wanted to take it slow. At first. But after four months of nothing but heavy make out sessions, he was craving more. And thank god that Max seemed to be on the same page.

He’d taken her for dinner and afterwards he’d suggested going back to his place. He knew she saw through the innocent seeming offer for what it really was but he’d been delighted when she’d smiled and agreed.

He’d been full of nervous anticipation on the cab ride to his apartment, thinking back to the state in which he might have left his home. Were there dishes in the sink? Books scattered around the place? Did he even make his bed?

Do I have any condoms?

They’d barely breached the threshold of his apartment before he was kissing her fiercely, letting her know his true intentions. And thank god she didn’t seem to mind.

She’d led him to his bedroom by his tie and he followed like some kind of lost puppy. Once inside the room, gratefully he had at least made his bed, they started undressing each other.

Down to their underwear he guided her back to the bed and laid down on top of her, kissing her while his hand wandered the planes of her body.

She was moaning into his mouth, arching her back as his hand wandered lowered, wasting no time in dipping beneath the waistband of her panties.

He was grinding against her thigh to relieve a little friction as his hand moved between her legs. As he did so, his phone rudely started bleating from across the room.

He chose to ignore it, burying his face into the crook of Max’s neck whilst pressing two fingers against her entrance.

“Don’t you need to get that?” She panted.

“Right now? Absolutely not.” He spoke into her skin.

“What if it’s the BAU?”

“I’m not due back until tomorrow. If it’s urgent they’ll keep calling. For now, I have more pressing things to take care of.”

“Spencer I really think you should-” Max’s sentence petered out to a moan when Spencer dove his fingers inside of her.

Whoever was calling could wait. This was much more urgent.

***

Present Day

“You know, don’t you?” You asked Penelope as the bubbly blonde hugged her god children. Penelope looked up at you over their heads. “You’re looking at me with that kind of pity we use on victims.”��

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry. I was worried about you.” She gave Adeline and Finley another squeeze before she let them go.

“Does anyone else know?”

“Reid.” She rolled her lip between her teeth somewhat guiltily.

“Please don’t tell anyone else. Not yet. I will tell them but not today.” You pleaded.

“Of course.” She nodded.

“Uncle Spencer!” Adie suddenly chirupped, dashing towards the dejected looking man who was quick to plaster a smile on his face.

“Adie!” He held his arms open for her as your daughter launched herself at him. “Gosh it’s been so long, you've gotten so big.”

“I’m the third tallest in my class.” She grinned as she wrapped her arms around his waist.

“No kidding.” He hugged her back.

Finely sidled up to them, looking a little deflated he wasn’t getting the same treatment from his favourite uncle.

Spencer patted Adie’s back and she let him go so her brother could say hello.

“Hey there little man.” Spencer once again held his arms open and Finley responded by jumping up and Spencer just managed to catch the five year old as he wrapped his legs around his waist.

Spencer made a small grunting sound of surprise, cradling the young boy against him.

“Missed you uncle Spencer.” Fin buried his head against Spencer's shoulder.

“I missed you too buddy.” Spencer held him tightly.

“My daddy’s gone away.” He mumbled against Spencer’s suit jacket.

Spencer’s eyes found yours and he smiled sadly at you.

“Yeah, I heard about that. Are you ok?” He spoke softly.

You both knew he wasn’t talking to Fin, even Garcia knew it. You nodded your head as your arms snaked around your body.

“I miss him.” Fin sniffled.

“I don’t.” Adie huffed unceremoniously. “He was mean to mom.”

Your chest tightened. You hated the way your daughter knew what was going on. You’d only ever wanted to protect your children from the world and it had backfired.

“Adie,” you whispered her name. “Please stop saying things like that in front of your brother. We talked about this.”

“Fine.” She huffed again. “Can I go find Henry and Michael?”

“Please,” you nodded. “Fin, sweetheart?”

He looked up from Spencer’s shoulder as you approached, placing a gentle hand on your son's back.

“Yes mommy?”

“You’re too big for uncle Spencer to carry you like that. Can you get down for me, please?”

“He’s ok.” Spencer tried to insist even though he looked like he was struggling.

“Yeah, I’m ok.” Fin agreed with him.

Garcia sensed the looks passing between you and Spencer while she rolled her lip in her teeth. She tottered forward, closer to the three or you.

“Hey, Fin? How do you want to help me with a top secret wedding day mission?” She tried to make it sound exciting.

It must have worked as Finley’s eyes widened as they flicked between you and his Aunty Penelope.

“Can I?’ He asked you tentatively.

“Of course.” You nodded.

He wriggled in Spencer’s arms and Spencer placed him back on his feet, subtly trying to stretch his back once he was unburdened from your son.

Fin took hold of Penelope’s hand and she shot you a smile as she headed off with him.

Caterers still milled about on the patio, but for the most part you and Spencer were alone. For the first time he allowed himself to take you in.

You wore a figure hugging, strapless purple dress that stopped just below your knees. Your make-up was flawless, your hair styled to perfection.

You hugged your arms around your body again and that’s when he noticed it. The silver band on your wrist caught the light, the tiny golden snitch sparkling.

His stomach coiled into knots. You hadn’t worn it in more years than he could count.

Did it mean something? Did the fact you were wearing it now mean something for the two of you? Were you trying to tell him something?

His eyes landed back on yours and you could see all the questions running through his mind.

“I, uh…I really don’t want to talk about it. Not here. Please?” You shook your head.

“What don’t you want to talk about?” He took a half step closer to you. “The fact that your husband was arrested for almost killing you or that you told me you loved me?”

“Both. Neither. I know we have to talk but does it have to be now?” You begged him.

“You almost died.”

“Which time?” You offered him a meek smile. “We’re FBI Agents. Almost dying is kind of a regular occurance.”

“Not in your own home. Not at the hands of your own husband.” He took another half step forward. “You called me that night. I didn’t answer.”

“Please don’t beat yourself up over that. It was after the fact. The weight of it all hit me and I just needed to talk to someone. But it’s fine, please don’t feel bad.”

“I was with Max.” He shrugged. “We were…it doesn’t matter what we were doing.”

“You think I can’t read between those lines?” You chuckled dryly.

“Right, of course.” He exhaled through his nose. “I should have answered. You are more important to me than anything Max and I were doing.”

“It’s ok, really. I don’t need you protecting me all the time.”

“Well that’s too bad because I’m gonna do it anyway.” He shrugged lightly with a soft half-smile.

He took another step closer to you and raised his hand to your neck. You’d done a really good job covering the bruises with a combination of foundation and concealer, something you’d had to grow adept at. And maybe it was simply in Spencer’s imagination, but he swore he could see the purple marks peeking through the make-up.

His fingers brushed lightly against your skin and you sucked in a breath at the sensation. Goosebumps erupted on your flesh at his featherlight touch.

“I really wish you would have let me help you.” He whispered.

“I know. But if I’d left he would have come after us. It never would have ended. I needed proof, I needed to get him in a compromised position so that when they arrested him, the charges would stick.”

Spencer’s eyebrows furrowed and he dropped his hand to his side again.

“You set him up? You purposefully put yourself in danger?” He looked incredulous.

“It was the only way.” You shrugged. “You put the idea in my head a year ago when you talked about the statistics of domestic abuse. A gun being present increases the chances of homicide by five hundred percent. I had to bide my time, pick the best moment. Before we left for the case in Lewiston, Adie said something interesting. And I decided to be frank with her…”

…“Daddy did that, didn’t he?”

“Wh-what?” You were quick to pull your sleeve back up. “What makes you think that, sweet pea?”

“I saw him. I saw him shove you. And it’s not the first time.”

“You’re too smart for your own good.” You smiled sadly at her.

“I’m right though, aren’t I?” She pouted.

“Yes,” your eyes welled with tears, hating to involve her in this. “Sweetheart, can you do something for me?”

“Anything mommy.” She nodded.

“If you ever see daddy hurting mommy again, I want you to call 9-1-1. Tell them I’m an FBI agent and they will get here faster. Can you do that for me?” You stroked her hair back off of her face while she nodded frantically…

“...I packed a bag, I knew he’d find it. I knew it would anger him, the thought of me taking his kids away. I deliberately didn’t put my firearm away in the safe that night in case I needed to use it. He wasn’t supposed to get hold of it, that wasn’t part of the plan. But I made sure to anger him enough for him to raise his voice. Adie is a light sleeper. He needed to be caught in the act. I hate that I used my daughter like that but it was never going to end. Not until I was dead or he was arrested.”

Spencer took in your words, processing them all in his mind. He could tell how hard it must have been for you to put that responsibility on Adie but he’d worked enough cases of domestic violence to know what a vicious cycle it is.

You were right, if Jared wasn’t arrested it could very well result in your being killed at the hands of your husband. And then it would be too late.

His hand raised again, this time he cupped the back of your neck and used his grip to pull you closer to him.

You fell against him, instantly wrapping your arms around his waist while he did the same.

He inhaled the scent of your shampoo. The last time he’d been this close to you was seven months ago in a hotel room in Varnville.

He got a little lost at the mere thought.

***

Seven Months Ago

“I married the wrong man.” You whimpered, glancing at your left hand on Spencer’s shoulder and the silver wedding band on your finger. “I knew it when he proposed to me. I knew it when I was walking down that aisle. And you knew it too, you were just too polite to tell me the truth.”

“Yeah,” he nodded stiffly. “You did marry the wrong man.”

A silent understanding passed between the two of you, the kind of understanding that existed only between two people who knew each other inside and out.

And when he leaned in closer and his lips brushed against yours, it felt right. It felt like the most normal thing in the whole world.

It continued to feel that way when he deepened the kiss, nearly fifteen years worth of feelings coming out in a single kiss. As he held you close he whispered against your lips, “after all this time? Always.”

And you finally understood what he meant.

He held your face tenderly as though you might break if he wasn’t careful, crumble to dust in his hands. Perhaps you would. His lips were slightly rough against yours from copious chewing, the frantic nature in which he kissed you caused your teeth to knock together.

His tongue hungrily explored your mouth with the desperation of a man who had thought of nothing but doing this since the first time he laid eyes on you. He started moving you towards the bed and you complied without a second thought.

His hands ghosted down your neck and across your shoulders until he reached the top button of your blouse you’d thrown back on before hurriedly leaving your room earlier. He continued to kiss you whilst working on the buttons but he felt you tense up a little.

When he reached the last button, you tore your lips from his, gasping a little for air. When he opened his eyes he saw yours were full of unshed tears.

“Are you ok? Did I cross a line?” His puffy kiss-swollen lips were downturned as he looked at you.

You swallowed thickly, chewing on the inside of your cheek.

“I’m scared of what you’re going to say.” You whispered, your voice cracking as you spoke.

“What I’m going to say about what?” He frowned at you in confusion.

You took a breath, a small tear escaping your eyes as you took a step back and shrugged the open shirt off of your shoulders.

Spencer’s eyes cast downwards to your torso, momentarily distracted by your bare breasts, which he had imagined so many times but in reality they were so much more incredible. But he didn’t have a chance to give them the attention they deserved.

His stomach lurched wildly as he took in your entire body. You saw the way his jaw clenched and he violently gnawed on his lip.

He took in each and every scar adorned on your body at the hands of your husband. A splotchy healed burn similar to the one on your forearm only larger spread across the left side of your stomach, an old, healed scar nestled against the swell of your right breast, another slightly smaller one on your rib cage. There was a fresh purple bruise on the other side of your other rib cage.

He rubbed his hand across his stubbly jaw as he looked back to meet your eyes. A few more tears were rolling down your cheeks now.

“I can go,” you shrugged. “I know they’re hideous. I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” Spencer moved closer to you, cupping your face in his hands again. “There is not a single hideous thing about you. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on, Y/N.”

“After all this time?” You smiled a shaky smile, partially quoting The Deathly Hallows.

“Always.” He finished, kissing you again with more passion than before.

You allowed him to help you back to the bed where he didn’t take his lips off of yours for a second. Your hands ran down his sides, finding the hem of his t-shirt and tugging it upward.

He sat back so you could get the garment over his head and threw aside. He looked down on you, taking in your scars again. You tried to shy away, tried to hide them with your arms but he simply pulled them away.

“Let me show you how beautiful I think you are.” He mumbled, shuffling a little down the bed.

His lips ghosted across your skin until they found the scar on the side of your breast. He gently pressed his lips to the old wound, placing delicate kisses along the length of it. His hand was on your side, fingertips brushing over the bruises lining your rib cage. You moaned a little, closing your eyes and giving over to the sensation.

He moved his lips lower, towards the scar on your other side and treated that with as much caution as the first. And then they trailed lower and tenderly kiss every inch of the old burn across your stomach.

He was so compassionate with you it forced a few more tears from your eyes. You weren’t sure anyone had ever treated you with this level of care before and you’d never realised how much you’d needed that.

When he sat back again on his haunches, his face was a little flushed and it only took one glance downwards to see the tent pitching in his pants to understand why. You reached for him, gripping the waistband of the flannel pyjama pants and pulling him closer. You palmed him through the flimsy fabric and he bucked against your hand, hissing a little.

He glanced down and you saw him tense a little. When he met your eye again he had an unsure expression on his features.

“Could you…do you think you could…” He nodded his head towards your hand still palming him and the wedding band adorned on your finger. “Is it too much to ask for you to take it off?”

You snatched your hand away suddenly, balling it into a fist and looking somewhat forlornly at the ring.

“I…I’ve never taken it off before. Not once since I got married.” You swallowed.

“I understand.” Spencer sighed. “But I don’t think I can do this and look at your wedding ring.”

You looked between him and the ring. The band symbolised your marriage to a man who had caused the scars in which Spencer had so lovingly kissed. You uncurled your fingers, suddenly not caring about that stupid piece of metal. Not while Spencer was here, looking at you the way he was and making you feel safe and loved for the first time in years.

You tugged the ring off in one swift move and leant over to drop it on the nightstand. You drew Spencer back in for a kiss before you could dwell too much on what you were doing.

You palmed him through his pants again while he kissed you, his own hands wandering to your slacks and popping the button.

He sat back once more so he could help you out of your pants and then wriggled free of his own, leaving you both in just your underwear.

He breathed you in again, trying to commit you to memory. He’d spent so many years imagining this moment and he didn’t want to miss a second of it.

“Y/N I…” he trailed off, not allowing himself to finish that sentence that could destroy this before it had begun.

He wanted to say it, he’d wanted to say it for nearly fifteen years. But somehow you knew what he wanted to say.

“I know Spence,” you nodded. “I know.”

He smiled a little sorrowfully at you before he laid on top of you and kissed you again. His fingers brushed over your scars but continued lower and when they dipped beneath the waistband of your panties you whined against his lips.

He ran his fingers between your legs, hissing when he realised how wet you were. He gathered your slick on his fingers, feeling his cock throb at the sensation.

He was careful when he pressed two fingers against your entrance, hesitating as though he thought you may change your mind.

As encouragement, your hand wandered between your bodies and straight inside his boxers, taking his shaft in your hand.

He growled against your mouth, nibbling on your bottom lip as a way of thanking you. He cautiously pushed his fingers past your entrance until they were buried deep inside of you.

Your thighs clenched around his hand when his fingertips brushed against your cervix. He moved his lips down to your neck while you started slowly stroking him.

His hips moved of their own accord, gently thrusting back and forth into your hand. His fingers dove in and out of you, each time pounding slightly harder against your bundle of nerves.

You were writhing beneath him on the bed, your walls fluttering around his fingers and your moans filling the room like the most beautiful song he’d ever heard. His head was already leaking on your hand, it had been so long since someone had touched him like this.

You used your free hand to cup his jaw, moving his face so you could meet his gaze.

“Spence, I need more.” You whimpered, still stroking him leisurely.

“O-ok.” He nodded, plunging his fingers deep inside of you and scissoring the digits a little.

You mewled, you back arching off the bed and squeezing the base of his shaft tightly in your hand.

“Do you have…?” You panted.

“Uh, yeah.” He nodded, his cheeks flushing red. “Luke’s been trying to uh, get me laid for a while now. Insisted I keep some on me.”

He cautiously withdrew his fingers and you whined a little as he did so. You removed your hand from him and sat up on your elbows.

“Trying?” You cocked an eyebrow at him.

“And failing. Miserably.” He inhaled deeply, cheeks turning a darker shade of red. “I haven’t had sex since long before I was arrested. And I have absolutely no idea why I’m telling you that.”

“It’s been a long time since I…since I…” you trailed off, stifling a sob that wanted to wrack your body. “Since I’ve chosen to do this.”

“Oh Jesus,” Spencer frowned at you. “Y/N I-”

“Please don’t. Please don’t feel sorry for me. I want this Spencer, I need this. Please?” You insisted, your eyes frantically begging him.

He inhaled shakily, nodding his head. He kissed you softly before pushing himself up from the bed and finding his satchel on the chair. He quickly located the stash of condoms Luke had forced upon him, thankful for that fact now. He plucked one out and turned back to you as you were wiggling your panties over your hips.

He looked at you in awe, laid out naked for him like this. He didn’t feel as though he deserved you, perhaps no one did. You were too good for this world.

“You’re sure about this?” He asked as he padded back over. “Because I won’t be offended if you want to stop.”

“Spencer, let me be clear,” you looked him dead in the eyes. “I want this. I want you. I want this like I have never wanted anything else in my life. Please? Please make me feel good?”

He nodded with a sad smile as he came closer to the bed. He couldn’t deny you that, not when you looked at him that way.

He removed his underwear before climbing back on the bed, kneeling over you and taking one last opportunity to breathe you in.

Somehow he already knew that this didn’t have a happy ending.

***

Present Day

You listened to Emily’s tear jerking speech about twin flames, trying to hide your misty eyes behind the head of your son who was falling asleep on your lap. Adeline sat next to you, her hand in yours offering it a soft squeeze every now and then.

“Sometimes it takes time, sometimes it takes a parallel universe or something. But the thing about twin flames is that nothing can keep them apart, they are a magic unto themselves. And together they light the way for all of us.”

You felt Spencer’s eyes on you across the room but refused to meet his gaze. If you did you would surely crumble and now was not the time. There would be plenty of time to ruminate on the last few days later, but for now you had to hold it together a little while longer.

After the speech everyone took to the dancefloor and Finley was completely out by this point, snoring against your shoulder. And honestly you were pleased because it gave you an excuse to leave.

You carried your sleeping son over towards the happy couple with Adie in tow, gripping your forearm. You said your goodbyes and congratulated them once more before taking your children home.

You tried to make a quick getaway but of course he found you, as you fought with trying to get your jacket on whilst cradling your son at the same time.

“Let me help you.” Spencer hurried over, seeing you struggle.

“I’m fine, really.” You responded as you proceeded to drop your jacket on the floor. “Goddamn.”

Spencer rolled his eyes and came closer, prying the young boy from your arms and holding him while you picked up your jacket. Being such a sound sleeper, Fin didn’t even notice the handoff.

“Thank you.” You slid your jacket on.

“No worries.” Spencer shrugged. “Need a ride?”

“I have a car.” You found your hand being grabbed by your daughter and she held you tightly.

When Adie grabbed your hand his stomach coiled as his attention was directed to your ring again. It wasn’t the first time today he noticed you still wore it.

He supposed it was still fresh, but he hated to see it there as though nothing had happened.

“Right, of course.” Spencer rolled his eyes. “Let me help you outside.”

You wanted to resist but it was easier to just let him help. You and Adie led the way while Spencer carried Fin towards your car. Adie got herself situated in the front seat while Spencer cautiously lowered Fin into the back and got his belt buckled.

He closed the door and looked back at you, a somewhat melancholy expression on his face.

“You want any company?” He asked with a slight frown.

“I have two kids, I always have company.” You folded your arms over your chest.

“I meant like, adult company.” He spoke but quickly pulled a face. “Not in the way that sounds. Jeez, I swear that was not meant to sound like a come on.”

“Spence,” you sighed wistfully. “I think you and I need some time apart right now. Or at the very least I need some time apart from you. I really need to focus myself on my kids right now, try and figure out what happens next. Quite frankly I don’t have the head space to deal with whatever is going on between us right now.”

You saw the hurt spread to his features, hurt and a small hint of understanding.

“Y/N?” He rolled his lip between his teeth. “Truth or dare?”

You sucked in a breath, closing your eyes for a fraction of a second before opening them and looking at him again.

“Truth.” You croaked.

“Did you mean it?”

Your eyes flit down to your bracelet, eyeing the inscription for a moment or two before you looked back at Spencer. There was a simple answer and a complicated one, neither of which you wanted to get into right now.

“Spencer I-”

“Mommy, I’m hungry.” Adie’s whiny tone pierced the closed windows of the car.

You looked at her over your shoulder and nodded with a soft smile.

“I should go.” You told Spencer.

“Right,” Spencer nodded stiffly. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Actually, you won’t.” You cleared your throat. “I told you, I need to focus on my kids right now. Emily’s given me a few weeks off. She doesn’t know why but thankfully she didn’t ask too many questions.”

“Are we going to be ok?” He frowned at you.

“I…”

“Mom!” Adie whined again.

“Two seconds, honey!” You called back. “I don’t know, Spencer. My husband of ten years just got arrested for trying to choke me to death, so excuse me if I don’t have an answer for you right now.”

You turned your back on him and opened the driver’s side door, but before you could slide inside his hand was on your shoulder. Your back went rigid and you were clenching your jaw when you looked back at him.

“What? What do you want now, Spencer?” Your eyes misted over with tears.

“At the end of the day, despite everything that has happened, you are my best friend Y/N. You are my best friend above all else. If you need anything, anything at all, please call me. You’re not in this alone.” He reached out and briefly brushed his fingertips against your cheek before stepping back out of reach to stop him doing it again.

You nodded but he saw in your eyes you had no intention of doing so.

“I gotta go.” You said instead. You looked down at your bracelet again and with a sigh you fumbled with the clasp and got it undone. “I shouldn’t have…I don’t even know why I did.”

Spencer dumbly let you place the bracelet in his hand and simply watched as you slid inside the car and closed the door.

You started the engine and soon your vehicle was pulling away whilst he was left staring down at the gift he’d bestowed upon you on your wedding day.

A single tear escaped his eyes as he curled his fingers around it. That one gesture told him everything you hadn’t said.

Whether or not you’d meant what you said whilst being held hostage was irrelevant. The act of giving him back the bracelet meant no matter what you felt for him the two of you would never be together.

You may as well have handed him back his barely beating, tattered heart.

***

Six Months Ago

“I get why JJ’s been on edge but this ain’t your hometown. Why the face?” Luke startled Spencer out of his stare down with the coffee machine.

The Tall Man case had them in JJ’s hometown of East Allegheny where she’d been dragged down into a torrent of old memories surrounding her sisters suicide.

Meanwhile, Spencer was stuck in his own tidal wave, he had been for weeks now. He was still reeling from the events in Varnville, the fact that you’d barely spoken to him since.

“I’m just tired, I guess.” He shrugged it off but Luke wasn’t buying it.

“You’ve been just tired every time I’ve asked you for the last month. What’s up? You seemed to be getting better after…”

“After I spent three months in prison?” Spencer fielded when Luke trailed off.

“Yeah,” Luke smiled sadly. “What’s going on with you, man?”

“It’s complicated.” Spencer let out a sigh. “I did something kinda dumb and I don’t know how to fix it.”

“You don’t know how to fix something?” Luke chuckled. “Impossible.”

Spencer averted his gaze, rolling his lip between his teeth. Luke scrutinised him, reading his body language before a smile of understanding tugged at his lips.

“You met someone.” Luke mused.

Spencer’s eyes shot back up, wide like a guilty child.

“Kind of?” Spencer huffed. “But I messed it up before it had a chance to begin.”

“Did you at least get laid?” Luke tilted his head curiously.

“Seriously, Alvez?” Spencer groaned.

“You so did.” Luke laughed, clapping a hand on Spencer’s shoulder. “About time.”

“Yeah well it’s not likely to ever happen again.”

“What did you do?” Luke cocked an eyebrow at him.

“Why would you assume I did something?”

“I don’t know. Did you?”

“I…I don’t think so?” Spencer’s face scrunched up.

“Are you bad in bed?” Luke shrugged.

“How would I know?” Spencer huffed again in exasperation.

“Trust me, there’s only so much a woman can fake.”

“Oh jeez, I don’t wanna have this conversation with you.” Spencer shook his head. “But I don’t think I’m bad in bed. I at least thought she was enjoying herself. It wasn’t that. Don’t make me question my…performance.”

“There’ll be other women, Reid.” Luke patted his shoulder again.

Spencer sucked in a breath, his bottom lip pouting slightly.

“I don’t want there to be other women.” He whispered.

“Oh,” Luke looked a little taken aback. “You like her.”

“Hmm.” Spencer answered noncommittally.

“I wanted you to get laid, not fall in love. Jeez, Reid, are your dick and your heart somehow connected?” Luke shook his head.

“That’s anatomically impossible.” Spencer rolled his eyes. “But thanks for the graphic image.”

“Only you could sleep with a woman you barely know and fall for her. Your heart's too big, man.”

“I do know her.” He spoke quietly, his eyes trailing off across the station as you entered with a tray of coffees in hand.

He watched you move across the room, it was almost impossible to take his eyes off of you. Luke followed his gaze and when he saw you he groaned.

“No, no you didn’t.” Luke slapped him on the back, forcing Spencer’s eyes back on him.

“Didn’t what?”

“Y/N?” Luke hissed. “She’s married!”

“Would you keep your voice down!” Spencer scalded him.

“So it’s true? Fuck, Reid, really?”

“It was a momentary lapse in judgement, I agree.” Spencer sighed. “But I have been in love with her for well over a decade. An opportunity presented itself and I…I…oh man I fucked up.”

“No kidding.” Luke rubbed his chin. “I thought you were meant to be a genius?”

“I’m a provable genius. But I’m still entitled to make mistakes every once in a while. Being a genius didn’t stop me from getting addicted to dilaudid, it didn’t stop me from going to Mexico and falling into Cat’s trap. And it didn’t stop me from sleeping with a married woman.” Spencer raked his fingers through his hair.

“When you put it like that, I’m not sure I see an upside to having a high IQ.”

“It’s incredibly frustrating, trust me. You still make dumb mistakes, and you have the added bonus of having to analyse them in great detail after.”

“I’ll stick to living in ignorance.” Luke nodded just as a set of footsteps approached.

They looked over just as a head of dark hair was heading their way.

“Are you two ladies gonna stand around all day braiding each other's hair or you gonna help us catch an unsub?” Emily spoke, mildly frustrated, before she was leaving as quickly as she arrived.

“Ladies?” Luke muttered.

“Hair braiding?” Spencer subconsciously touched his locks.

“What is it about this town that is putting everyone in a bad mood?” Luke clucked.

Spencer simply sighed and started following in Emily’s footsteps before his Unit Chief could get any more annoyed.

***

The jet was eerily silent on its trip back to Quantico the following day. It was late and everyone was asleep, mostly everyone.

From his position curled up on the couch he could see you down the back of the aircraft, staring out the window as you soared through the clouds.

Realistically, Spencer knew to leave you alone. But just knowing something didn’t mean he agreed with it.

He couldn’t stay away no matter how he tried and eventually after fighting it for over half the flight, he swung his legs off the couch and stood up.

He smoothed out his shirt which the top few buttons were now undone on, his tie long ago removed. He quietly padded down the small aisle in his mismatched socks, careful not to wake the rest of his team members although at a glance they mostly all wore headphones or earplugs.

You didn’t look away from the window but he noticed the slight tensing in your shoulders as he got close. You still didn’t look at him when he sat opposite you, half wondering if you stayed perfectly still if he might leave you alone.

You had no such luck.

“Uh, hi.” He whispered quietly.

You swallowed and tore your eyes off of the window and looked at him. You didn’t speak, simply folded your arms over your chest.

“Is this just how things are gonna be between us now?” He huffed a little, barely able to contain his frustration.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Your voice was croaky.

“Yes, you do.” He shook his head. “You’ve hardly spoken to me since…since…”

“Please don’t say it.” You sighed.

“The thought of what we did is so disgusting to you, you can’t say it out loud?” His eyebrows furrowed heavily at you.

“I’m married, Spencer.” You hissed. “It shouldn’t have happened and that’s all there is to say. I thought you would know better than to…do what we did.”

“Oh I’m to blame?” He looked incredulous. “You’re the one with the husband, Y/N. I’m very much single. I didn’t cheat on anyone.”

“Stop it.” You spat. “Just stop it.”

“I don’t know why you’re pretending it didn’t mean anything.”

“I’m not pretending.” You scoffed.

“So it wasn’t about me? You’d have cheated on your husband with anyone, is that what you’re saying?” He glared at you angrily.

“I’m not talking about this.” You shook your head, turning your attention back out of the window.

“Well I am. And if you don’t wanna talk you can listen.” He leaned forward on the little table separating you. “I know you and I know you wouldn’t have done that with just anyone. I think maybe you feel something for me and you don’t want to admit it because of Jared and your kids. I get it, I do. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt though. And now it looks like I’m going to lose my best friend because you can’t even look me in the eye anymore.

You know how I feel about you. We’ve never talked about it but you know, you always have. So if it was just about sex you could have chosen anyone. But you didn’t, you came to me. And to be honest I think that’s pretty cruel of you to use me that way when you know exactly how I feel about you.”

“Are you done?” You looked back at him with a scowl. “Because I am done listening. I’m sorry if it meant more to you than it did to me, ok? I’m sorry if I hurt you or whatever. But I have too much going on in my life as it is. The last thing I need is an invite to the Spencer Reid pity party. Can you go and be all brooding somewhere else?”

You saw the hurt wash over his face at your vicious words. For a fraction of a second you felt bad but honestly you couldn’t let yourself be swallowed into his sad, doe eyes. Maybe he needed a harsh dose of reality every now and again.

“Goddamnit,” he hissed, shaking his head. “I’m sorry that you’ve found yourself trapped in a marriage where your husband treats you like a freaking punching bag, but not everyone is like that. There are people out there who might actually love you if you gave them half a chance.”

After all this time? Always.

“Leave me alone.” You spat. “Leave me alone, indefinitely.”

You turned away from him again, signifying the conversation was over. He might have tried to talk some sense into you but a few moments later the pilot was announcing their imminent arrival in Virginia.

As the rest of the team stirred back into consciousness, Spencer got to his feet and stormed away, not caring if the others sensed his anger.

@andiebeaword @dreatine @matthew-gray-gubler-lover @people-whatabunchofbastards @justreadingficsdontmindme @spencer-reid-wonderland @thebloomingeagle @frostandflamesfanfic @pixiehex1985 @release-your-sweets @mavel-fan-for-life @megan-mars @hales-17 @onlyspence @werewolfbansheelove @gubsi @vivian-555 @meowiemari

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thenewausten · 6 months

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A letter to you, with Quackity. [Part 1]

"Y/N,

I thought she was the right girl to me, but no one is like you. It's very hard to say that, because she loves me so much, but I can't lie to her anymore. I can't betray myself anymore.

Sometimes I just look at her eyes and I see you there. And when she touches me, I wish it was your hands instead. I thought that happiness would come to me with the time, because my relationship with her is so perfect. But I'd rather fight with you sometimes than never fighting with her.

I'm only here passing time in her arms, waiting for you to come back to me. I know it's wrong, but I just can't do anything about it now.

When she's sleeping in my arms, it's where I find a glimpse of us because you used to lay your head down on my chest so you could hear my heart beating. Do you remember that?! We had so much fun, Y/N. I can't believe it just... Ended.

How could I be selfish at this point?! At the point of losing you?! How could you not say what was happening before it was too much for you to handle it?! We both made our mistakes, I guess.

You're with someone else now, I know it. That's why you don't need to answer this letter, you can throw it away when you finish reading it.

To be honest, I don't know why I'm writing for you, I know you don't live here anymore, don't get mad with your best friend, she gave me your new address so I could send this letter.

Well, I'm not a selfish anymore, time teaches so many things and I'm a different man now. I learned so much with life, I guess you learned too. Also, I laughed a lot with your Facebook posts (sorry for stalking you, by the way).

So, I hope your new boyfriend brings you flowers and chocolates, treats you with very respect, love and tender. I hope he admires the amazing and beautiful woman you are, I hope you have a beautiful family and a beautiful life with him.

Y/N, I always wanted you to be happy, it's not going to be different now, so I hope, from the bottom of my heart, that you're happy. I really do.

It's clear I never stopped loving you, I don't need to say that I love you at the end of this letter, but I want to say it. One last time, I want to say it.

I love you, Y/N.

I love you so much, and I always will.

I won't bother you anymore with any other letter, don't worry about it. And of course, I won't come to your house, you don't need to worry about it, too.

Goodbye, Y/N.

May we'll see each other again, even if it's in a supermarket queue, on a beach, in a coffee shop or in a hospital.

Alex."

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy the writing. :)

Requests are open!

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nerdraging4point0 · 6 months

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The Scorpion and the Scales // Chapter Five // PolyAU

Tropes and Tags: MF, MFM, MFMM, instalove, too much sex, tattooed musicians, polyverse, friends to lovers.

Content warning: 18+ only MDNI, PinV, PinA, oral (f!recieveing, m!recieving), threesomes, light BDSM, voyeurism, exhibitionism, partner sharing, jealousy, angst.

This work below is fictionalized ideas and stories involving real people but does not directly reflect their thoughts, feelings, or behaviors. Please keep in mind that this is a work of fiction.

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The week with Noah had flown by in a blur of pier dates, shopping sprees, late night movies, and even later nights between the sheets. It felt like less than seven days. He'd asked if I could make it to the rock festival kicking off the fall tour next week. I'd nearly forgotten about it. I told him I wasn't sure about my work schedule, which wasn't a total lie.

Back at the office grind, the magical week with Noah seemed like a distant memory. I'd completely forgotten to check if I could get the time off for the festival. I was just clocking out for lunch when my phone buzzed with a new text. It was from Chris. He'd sent a screenshot of a ticket QR code for the festival. Underneath was a simple message that sent my anxiety spiraling:

See you there.

Oh god, this could be a disaster. I feel my heart start to race as I realize Noah and Chris will both be at the festival. How can I face them together? Noah will be crushed if he finds out Chris was the one I slept with right before we started dating. Am I even dating him? He never asked, just seemed implied. He'll think I'm just some groupie, trying to hook up with every metal singer I can.

My hands are shaking and my stomach is in knots.

I texted him back in a panic, scrambling to come up with an excuse to get out of going to the festival. I told him I wasn't sure I could afford the ticket now, what with everything else going on. It was a lame excuse, I know, but I was desperate.

"You're VIP, don't argue with me. I'll see you there," he wrote back firmly. He wasn't having any of my hedging. I could tell he really wanted me to be there, but I just couldn't do it.

The festival is tomorrow. How am I supposed to come clean before then? Is it even worth going at this point? I should just tell them now rather than drop this bomb when I see them there. My mind is spinning, trying to justify delaying this conversation.

I found myself wandering aimlessly down the street to the nearby park, escaping from my office for a few minutes. Sitting on the cool metal bench, I pulled up their numbers and started a group text. It's easier to explain things to both of them at once rather than dragging it out one-on-one. If I tried to type this all out twice, I know I wouldn't be able to do it.

"Boys," I began, my hands shaking, "I'm sorry I haven't been fully honest with you two. But to be fair, neither of you clearly defined what we were to each other. I don't know what it means that I've been with you both—are we just friends with benefits? Was I dating one of you? Both of you? I'm so confused. Before I see you at the festival tomorrow and this all blows up, we need to get this out in the open."

My heart pounds as I hit send on the nonsensical text. The minutes of my lunch break tick by, yet my phone remains silent. I stare at the screen, willing a response to appear. Nothing.

Now I'm back at my desk, panic swirling in my gut. What was I thinking, sending something so random? The silence is deafening.

I can barely focus, rereading our thread over and over. My pulse races and my throat tightens. What if I scared them away for good this time? Or made them think I'm unhinged?

Tapping away at my phone as we taxi down the runway, I feel a knot in my stomach when her name and an unknown number pops up on the screen. I don't recognize the number, but the area code says Los Angeles. Reading the cryptic words over and over, I realize I have no clue what to say. Glancing at Rick dozing peacefully in the seat beside me, I envy his relaxed flying mentality. Airplanes make me uneasy, though it's not really a fear thing. I just don't like the lack of control when we're thousands of feet in the air. Rick calls it my need for control.

The second we landed in Denver, my stomach twisted. My mind raced as we made our way through the terminal. Should I try to see her while we're here? Could I somehow explain everything face-to-face? That might be better than a text or call. Oh man, what would I even say? "Hey, remember that passionate night we shared? Well, I'm still crazy about you..." Yeah, no way. I'm in way over my head here.

My fingers fly across the keyboard, responding before my brain has time to catch up. "Whoa, wait, let's rewind. First things first - who else are we talking about here?"

It's barely past four, and I'm sure she's already off work - she always leaves early on Thursdays. I watch the three dots bouncing at the bottom of my screen, eyes glued, wondering how complicated this story she's typing could possibly be.

Her text pings through, and it takes me a solid minute to parse it all.

"Okay, Cliff Notes version: I met you both at your concerts. Noah - Chris and I hooked up after his show and have been flirty since. Chris - I visited Noah in LA and we obviously got physical, if you know what I mean."

I read her words again, slowly, trying to fit the pieces together in my head. I've never been great at puzzling things out on my own - I do better thinking out loud.

"Noah...concert...Los Angeles," I murmur, voice echoing my thoughts.

"What about Bad Omens?" Vin interjects, tuning into my words.

"Huh?" I reply, confused.

"Noah, LA, concert - Bad Omens, right?" As he says it, the lightbulb clicks on. Noah Sebastian. Noah Sebastian!

My fingers are flying across the keyboard again. “Noah, like Bad Omens, Noah Sebastian. That Noah?”

The unknown number is responding.

“Yeah, and who are you?” another three dots and he’s texting again.

“Chris Cerulli.” I type out my name as if it matters. I never use my last name, but i’ve met Noah before, we sat next to each other in several interviews on shiprocked.

“Motionless? Oh shit.”

I'm at a loss for words. Bad Omens is set to play at the festival the day after tomorrow, so there's no question Noah's already here in Denver or he's about to fly in. I'm trying to compartmentalize the whirlwind in my mind, desperate to make some sense of it all. I've hooked up with girls without attachments or commitments before - I'm sure Noah's done the same. To be honest, I hadn't considered anything too serious between us. I was enjoying the casual vibe we had going on. But now, knowing she might be with someone else...could I really do that? Could Noah? I don't know.

I type away to the chat, taking a breath and holding it as I see my words plastered out to the void. “But you’re still coming to the festival, right?”

I slump down in this too-small chair at LAX, ball cap pulled low and sunglasses hiding my eyes. I'm trying to disappear - don't want anyone recognizing me. I'm also trying to hide the fact that I'm royally pissed off. Can't put my finger on who I'm mad at though. Her, for hooking up with him? Myself, for just assuming we were exclusive without ever saying it outright? Both seem likely. I know I can't hold her past against her, but damn, running into her ex on set tomorrow is gonna sting like hell. This waiting around, with nowhere to put all this frustrated energy - it's killing me. I need to hit the gym or something, get this poison out of my system.

They announce our flight is boarding, I rise from my seat and keep my eyes averted, anxiously spinning my phone between my hands before briefly presenting the digital boarding pass on the screen to the attendant. She offers me a polite smile, but I'm too preoccupied to return the gesture. When we locate our assigned seats, I take the window spot, absentmindedly watching the ground crew below load the luggage onto the rotating conveyor belt leading to the plane's cargo hold. I spot my battered old suitcase passing by, along with the band's instruments and the rest of our haphazardly packed carry-ons. We could have easily driven to our destination, but Matt insisted that flying would be faster.

As I sit here on this plane, my mind races with thoughts of her. How can I possibly end things when every fiber of my being screams to stay? We aren’'t exclusive, I could walk away without a glance back. But she's burrowed deep under my skin, and try as I might, I can't shake her. Never before have I wavered when it came to matters of the heart. Cross me and you're gone. Disappoint me and I won't think twice. I trust my gut and never look back. But she's different. With her, I'm plagued by indecision and self-doubt. I'm a Scorpio to the core - intense, all or nothing. Once I've crossed that bridge, I burn it down in flames. But with her, I find myself lingering on the edges, unable to take that final step. She's awakened something in me I don't recognize. A vulnerability I've never known. A connection I'm not ready to sever.

My phone is in airplane mode but I can't help staring at the texts on the screen, as if somehow they will change my mind or provide the answers I'm desperately seeking. I know it's fruitless, just words on a muted screen, but I read them over and over, having already committed every word to memory. With a sigh, I finally close out and sit back, trying in vain to relax in the cramped airline seat before I inevitably reopen our conversation.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Captain Manning," the pilot's voice stirs the sleepy passengers as we touch down in Denver. "On behalf of all our staff and United Airlines, we welcome you to Denver, Colorado." The cabin erupts in a shuffle of activity as passengers hastily gather their belongings, eager to deplane. I hesitantly switch off airplane mode and wait as my phone explodes with a barrage of emails and notifications before the message I've been anxiously anticipating finally comes through. My heart pounds as I open it, knowing those few words will determine my mood and mindset when I step off this plane into the next phase of my journey, for better or worse.

Motionless' text message lands in my inbox and I hesitate before opening it, wary that its contents might ignite an argument or stir unwelcome pity - both options I'd rather avoid. His text is brief and to the point: "Can you meet me at the Embassy tonight?" I glance across the aisle at Matt and Folio, already busily packing their bags, eager to exit the plane and head straight for our rooms at the Mariott.

I know I should wait until I'm settled at the hotel before responding, take time to think it over and discuss meeting up with Matt first. But instead, on impulse, I type back a quick "yes" before I can overthink or talk myself out of it.

Motionless and I have a complicated history of passion for our music and some unspoken rivalry between our fans, i’m not really sure where that rumor got started. While part of me wants to avoid potential conflict, another part is drawn like a moth to flame, curious to see what might transpire when we come together again. I click send on the text, sealing my fate. Now all that's left is to wait and wonder what the night will bring.

Stepping out of the shower, I'm barely dry before my phone pings. Noah's been radio silent all day while Chris has come out of left field and downright. Their thoughts have been impossible to read. My screen lights up with a text - they've agreed to meet at the Embassy downtown where Chris is staying.

I get dressed with a heavy heart, bracing myself for the inevitable end. This is it, I just know it. I'm not ready to say goodbye, but ripping off the bandaid is better than prolonging the pain. It's like being a kid dragged to the dentist for a tooth extraction before the promised ice cream cone after. You want the sweet reward, just not the agony that comes before it. Tonight it will all be over, and although my heart is not prepared, my head knows it's time to face the music.

I drive in silence, my nerves making the quiet even more deafening. Parking with the valet, I step inside the lavish hotel lobby on shaky legs. The elevators require a keycard for the upper floors, so I awkwardly text that I've arrived. Neither comes down to get me, instead sending a hotel employee to escort me up. The ride is excruciating - me avoiding eye contact while the man stands too close. I knock on their door, praying no one else is in the hall to witness my humiliation.

My heart pounds as Chris answers the door, his blonde hair cascading past his ears, dressed casually in a gray hoodie and adidas pants. I catch a glimpse of Noah sitting on the couch, elbows on knees, hands clasped together, staring at me intently. My stomach lurches and I want to bolt - I can't go through with this.

Chris gently grasps my arm just above the elbow, guiding me into the hotel room. He leads me to the end of the couch, sitting me down a few spaces from Noah. I can't bring myself to look at either of them, consumed by shame, the tension suffocating.

Chris moves the coffee table out a bit before perching on it directly in front of me, just an arm's length from Noah. We sit in excruciating silence before I finally blurt out, "There isn't much else to say."

“I think there is a lot to say,” Chris said “I mean i’ve been bouncing around with it a lot, i’m on the fence, but I am cool to keep things casual between us.” I blinked at Chris, trying to hide my disappointment as he rambled on with that wishy-washy response. His leg bounced nervously and he kept fidgeting with his hands, like he couldn't get comfortable saying it out loud. I knew he wasn't totally sold on the whole "casual" thing between us, but I wasn't about to beg him for more of a commitment.

My eyes slid over to Noah, who was intently focused on his own fingers as he twisted them around each other. "And you?" I asked hesitantly, bracing myself for a similar non-committal answer.

"Casual. Casual works," he mumbled, still not looking up. I wanted to scream in frustration. Chris could at least pretend to be enthusiastic about keeping things casual, but Noah sounded about as interested in me as a lump of clay. This whole conversation was not going how I had hoped at all. I shifted awkwardly, already planning my escape from this uncomfortable situation.

My blood boils as the words spew from my mouth. "Could someone please offer me something other than half-assed phrases they think I wanna hear?" Chris's mouth gapes open and closed like a fish out of water, unable to form a response. Noah slaps his knees and stands abruptly from the couch.

"We're both going on tour, that's two maybe three months we'll be busy traveling. Let's just text, keep in touch as friends. If we want a hookup we'll call," he says matter-of-factly.

I see red. "Do I get the same grace? If you want to fuck me, a phone call is all it takes? What about me, do I just have to call? I won't have this one-sided bullshit." My heart hammers in my chest as I stare them down, daring them to argue. The tension in the room is palpable and I'm ready to explode.

My eyes darted between Chris and Noah as the tension in the room became palpable. Chris's calm demeanor never wavered as he promised, "Whatever you want, I'm there. Or I'll fly to you. The minute I know it won't work, I'll tell you - I'll be completely transparent."

I couldn't resist embracing him in gratitude, whispering a heartfelt "thank you" in his ear. As I stepped back, I noticed Noah staring at the floor, hands buried in his hoodie pockets. He slowly lifted his gaze to meet mine, jaw twitching, dark eyes peering at me through long lashes.

"And you?" I asked gently.

I hold my breath as he moves toward me, the room so quiet you could hear a pin drop. In an instant his hands are at my waist, yanking me against his hard body as his mouth claims mine in a searing kiss that steals my ability to think. I cling to him, my fingers tangling in his hair, kissing him back with everything I have. I want this man, all of him, and I desperately hope this isn't the end for us.

#bad omens fic #bad omens fanfic #bad omens fanfiction #bad omens rpf #noah sebastian fic #bad omens smut #noah sebastian smut #Chris Motionless fic #Chris Motionless smut #ricky olson smut #ricky olson fic #miw band #miw #chris motionless #chrismotionlessfanfic #motionless in white fanfiction #motionless in white smut #polyverse

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sabo-has-my-heart · 9 months

Note

Hello I’m sorta new to ur blog and I would like to request an emergency request!

I don’t really know how it works so if there’s something I didn’t or did do wrong please ignore this!

I’ve recently caught myself having suicidal thoughts since I really do not like the pain of losing a loved one and think it’s better dying then ever experiencing it again. It sounds selfish but I can’t help thinking about it. It’s weird since for me the feeling of losing someone is way more strong then I think it is for other people and I know people around me will feel sad about me being gone but I tell myself what’s the point if I’m dead anyway. It’s a very selfish and selfless way of thinking and I know that, if you do not feel comfortable with this. Again please ignore this,

But how would law and sanji react to their fem! Partner having these thoughts?

Thank you and have an amazing day:)

First things first, let me say that my heart goes out to you. Second thing, please, please, please go see someone and get some help. I know it's probably hard or perhaps not what you want to hear, but please.

Warnings: suicidal thoughts, emergency request, mentions of death

Word Count: 1405

They were gone. How could they be gone? How could they be… how could they be dead? Feeling the tears run down your cheeks, you curled your fingers in your hair. Part of you knew that death was part of the job. It came with being a pirate, but to be honest, you’d never actually, truly thought about it. Something that was in the back of your mind but never something that was really real. You just wanted to die; better to die than to experience somebody else dying, right? Better to end things than to have to experience this pain again. Worse yet, watching everyone else go about doing things, it felt like you were the only one mourning. Did they not feel their death? They looked sad, but how could they just continue to go about their lives? Continue to work like they were? You didn’t even hear the door open, didn’t notice your partner looking at you with such sympathy and sadness. He’d noticed your change in mood, in attitude, and it had worried him a little, but now seeing you curled up on the floor, he was more worried than ever.

Sanji

The blond walked over to you, sitting down next to you before wrapping his arms around you, pulling you out of your thoughts as he carefully maneuvered you into his lap.

“I’ve been looking for you, ma cherie. Why are you hiding such beauty away in here?” he asked softly, placing one hand on the back of your head, stroking your head as he pressed your head against his chest to listen to his heart. All you could do was shake your head as the tears turned into full sobs. His arms wrapped tighter around you, trying to make out your words through your bawling. Finally making out what you were saying caused his heart to break. You were in so much pain. He wouldn’t lie and say that he was unaffected, but seeing how hard it was hitting you, he wished that he was more affected so that you would be less affected; to take away your pain, even if it meant taking it on himself. It reminded him of when he lost his mother, the pain stabbing at his heart, bleeding his young heart dry.

His lips met your forehead as he cradled you close, cooing gently as he tried to comfort you. Admittedly, he felt a little bad that he hadn’t noticed the severity sooner, but he also thanked the heavens that he noticed it when he did; noticed it before things went too far.

“It’ll be okay, mon amour, I’m here, I’ll stay here by your side and help you get through this, okay? I know it hurts, but please, please don’t… don’t do… that. I couldn’t live without you, you’re my entire world. Whatever you need, I’ll get it for you, just… please, I… don’t do that. And remember, I’m always here. You can come to me anytime, whatever you need. Please just… stay, for me?” he pleaded, tears starting to make their way down his cheeks. He didn’t want to make you feel worse, but it hurt him so much that you were even considering such a thing. You were his everything, his light, his love, he couldn’t bear to be without you.

“Please, please, please… don’t… don’t do anything, don’t leave me. You can call me selfish if you want, let me be the selfish one and ask you to stay. You… you’re too sweet, too kind, to be selfish like that. So let me be the selfish one and ask you to never leave my side.” He pleaded, nuzzling his face into the top of your head. Clutching his shirt as if your life depended on it, you could only nod, still sobbing. He didn’t know how long he stayed with you like that, only that Luffy had started screaming for him about lunch. Glancing down at you, his brow furrowed. You’d cried yourself to sleep. Carefully picking you up, he moved you to his bed before storming out to his captain.

“Luffy! Shut up! Y/n is sleeping and I don’t need you waking her up. I swear, if you wake her up, I’ll throw all the meat on the Sunny over the side of the ship!” Sanji threatened, making the boy’s eyes widen and nod. Sighing, he paused, “She’s taking this hard, just… let me take care of her for a little while. Just until she’s better.” Sanji requested, watching as his captain nodded again. He’d be there for you as long as you needed, anything to make sure you were okay.

Law

Being a doctor and being your partner always, always made things hard for him. When did he draw the line? Where did he stop and go “I’m a doctor and you need to take these meds”? At what point should he stop holding you close and instead get you a therapist? Standing here in front of you, he pondered this even more. Should he approach you as your partner or your doctor? Doctor or partner, doctor or partner? Taking a deep breath, he picked you up, drawing a surprised gasp as he ‘shambles’ed you both to his room, laying down on his bed with you and holding you close.

“If you needed to cry, you should have come to me.” Law said awkwardly, running his hand up and down your back, letting you cling to him. You were silent for a moment, not entirely sure what you should say. Finally you mumbled out what was wrong, the words muffled in his chest. His brow furrowed, his hand on your back halting for a moment. Doctor or partner, doctor or partner?

“You… I want… I want you to see someone about this… I need to know if you need to be medicated long term for depression.” he said after a minute. He was your partner, but he was also a doctor. This would be the best option for both sides. As a doctor, he wanted what was best for your health, as your partner, he wanted you to be okay. This would help you be okay… right? Laying there, the man grew nervous by your silence. Were you mad at him for suggesting it? Were you going to turn him down? Or worse, close yourself off? Finally, thankfully, you nodded. He was a doctor, he loved you, he’d know what was best for you, right? Sure, you wanted to die, but… but Law knew what to do, right? The man sighed in relief, his arms wrapping tighter around you, muttering quiet ‘thank you’s. Fuck, you’d scared him. He couldn’t lose you. He’d lost enough, he couldn’t lose you too, least of all to this, not like this. His family to the World Government, Cora-san to Doflamingo, he couldn’t lose you, not like that.

He couldn’t help but relax ever so slightly, relieved that you listened. You’d be okay, you’d get help and you’d be okay. He’d keep a close eye on you and you’d be okay, he’d make sure of it. It would take a while, he knew it would take a while, but you would be okay. Okay, he didn’t actually know that for certain, but with as scared as he was, he needed to tell himself that, he needed that reassurance that you wouldn’t leave him. Just like you, he couldn’t experience that again. Too many times had he seen that, he couldn’t do it again. Cuddling you closer, he breathed in your scent, as if trying to memorize it, as if he was still going to lose you. It was only now that you realized how much he was trembling, the realization dawning on you. He couldn’t lose anyone else again, just like you, he’d rather die than experience that again. It made you wonder how he did it. How did he deal with the crushing weight of knowing he could lose his entire crew yet stay so strong? Maybe… Maybe you could find out; maybe, if you stayed, you could find out and you could be like him, be strong like him. Slowly, your breathing steadied, evening out as you dozed off. Almost as soon as you were asleep, Law was letting the others know to head for the nearest island. He’d get you help asap, because he really couldn’t lose you too.

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leesmustardgarden · 1 year

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Meet-cute Through a Window (Though it Shouldn’t be Possible)

Warnings: mentions of canon typical violence, mentions of plague, a bit of swearing (couldn’t help myself, really), good ol puppet fear, I love P so much he’s so everything to me

P x (gn) reader

In the ruins of an ever rotting city, love is the last thing you’d expect to find. Rubble cannot foster the gentleness love necessitates, nor can it pretend to. In the ticking heart of a special puppet, filled with oil and ergo ever pulsing, love finds a way to fester. Pinocchio proves to be an exception to many things, and in loving you he has become an exception to the very notion that love cannot find purchase on the ledge of a burning society.

You meet through a window tucked away in the far corners of Krat, one you’d thought to be hidden from the puppet frenzy. It had been your honest mistake; a moment of forgetfulness wherein you peaked through the curtains and found yourself under his curious blue eyes. Crystalline and shining, they shocked you frozen to the spot. Any initial noise you might have let out dies with a weak flutter in your throat and you beg internally for this person to be a person and not a puppet.

A small whirr fills the air in the next second and your heart drops into your stomach. His expression is unchanging even in the face of your panic, but his shoulders sag (—holy shit is that a sword on his back?) in something like surrender and he tilts his head.

If you didn’t know any better, he might have just looked like a curious, yet apathetic boy peering at you through your window. With the sword on his back and the gentle whirr that rings in the silence, it’s hard not to know better. Never mind whatever the fuck is on his metal arm, you’re just ignoring that for the time being or you’re sure to go mental.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” He whispers at the same time you say, “Please don’t kill me.”

If he’s surprised or hurt by what you say, he doesn’t (or probably can’t) show it. The words are muffled through the glass, but you’ve trained your ears to hear through the small opening at the bottom. He holds both palms open and says nothing else.

You… want to trust him, really. More than just the fact that his eyes are so pretty they shine like a fantastic lake straight out of a story book; or that his freckles paint him like an old, long dead painter might have painted the stars. You want to trust him in the open and gentle way he seems to offer up his hands and promise you more than what the rest of Krat has since the frenzy.

In the rubble of a burning city crashing in on itself, there is not a speck of gentleness to be spared. This— puppet has it in spades, and it draws you out of your panic just enough to pull the window open bit by bit. You do not break his gaze for a moment as you tug it up and open, and he is patient enough not to be the first to do so. Instead, he stretches a hand out to you and waits for your warm skin to meet the cold smooth synthetic surface of his own non-legion hand.

It would be just your luck if somehow puppets learned how to lie, too, but something tells you he means it wholly and honestly when he insists he will not hurt you. The whirring picks up gently, almost imperceptibly quicker, but you don’t pay it any mind. The edges of your instincts are sharp with distrust, but you lay your hand and life in the hands of this puppet and find yourself minding it less and less with each second.

A loaded pause passes— you stare down at your hands barely touching and he watches you with that same, frozen expression. You thickly swallow before you wrap your fingers around his hand and look up right into those beautiful blues.

“Would you… like to come in?”

Now, you don’t have much experience in how to fuel (feed?) an automaton; wasn’t your job before the frenzy and certainly hasn’t become since, but you could learn. It’s a silly thought to have, but you haven’t had a guest in god knows how long and a sharing a cup of tea sounds lovely (if puppets could even have tea). And — sure, maybe openly inviting the literal enemy of every human being in Krat into your house isn’t the smartest thing to do, but you can’t help it. More than just his pretty face, his gentle hand caresses yours so softly and the nod he gives is so warm that in the loneliness of having been the last sentient thing in the area, you couldn’t help but falter.

The world around you tastes of ash and rubble, but you meet someone who seems to bring about a breath of fresh air. His eyes are bright like ergo, and his hair fluffs like a black cloud. When he nods ever softly, something whirrs and clicks in the air. Your heart pounds against your ribs, and you don’t know if it’s really out of fear anymore.

Your world ended in a frenzied flurry of plague and massacre; it started again when you peaked through your window and met him.

#lies of p x reader #pinocchio x reader #lop x reader #reader inser drabble #First game fandom I’ve ever written for #Usually it’s shows #or films #I prefer to write on ao3 but was too short to be put on there #Lee’s writing ✍️

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hannahssimblr · 15 days

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Look, I am a romance fan. If there's one thing I die for it's a kissing scene.

I'm now close to finishing Jude's teenage years, and all of those magical kisses have been had. The next part of the story is a more adult section, when kisses don't really mean as much as they do when you are seventeen.

The teen years had five main kiss scenes, 3 of which are first kisses (which we love)

I'm proud of them all but am curious as readers which has been your favourite.

Vote, in the name of teen romance.

I kiss her.

She is not surprised. She puts her hands in the right place, behind my neck and she tilts her head forty five degrees to the right and she lets me kiss her, her top lip, her bottom lip, and I try to move her with me and create rhythm and melody with our mouths and our bodies but her head is as stiff as the rest of her, and after a minute or two she releases the breath she’s been holding the entire time onto my cheek in a shuddering torrent and I realise that she doesn’t really know what she’s doing.

Alison, when she kisses me, feels holy. She’s like a shrine whose feet I weep at, begging for healing. She and I, this is how we are, this is the cycle we repeat, when I’m lonely, when she’s lonely and we find ourselves in purgatory. She doesn’t want more from me than this, than this shallow kissing, masquerading as something with depth, and sex, sometimes, when we can find a place to have it. I shouldn’t want more either. I don’t think I really do, not if I’m honest with myself, but sometimes I want to ask her why not. Maybe she’s confusing on purpose. Maybe she just likes to punish men. I think that it’d be fair enough if she did. We as a collective have mostly been cruel to her.

“Too late.”

“It’s not.”

I bend and kiss her before she can argue any more. Once, just once, but insistently, and I pull back hard with a smack expecting outrage on her face but I find only surprise, desire, and eyes that flick from my eyes to my mouth and back. I kiss her again, slow this time, deep, sure, as my hands hold her hips close to mine, willing for this kiss to wipe it all away, all of the years of hurt and anguish between us, and she lets me kiss her, and she kisses me back with hands that thread through my hair and lips that part so I can slide my tongue inside her mouth.

My knees knock against hers in our clumsy waltz towards her bed and we come down on it together, my body pressing against hers and my fingers finding the warm skin beneath her t-shirt. I draw back to look at her again, dark eyes and full lips and skin, as is mine, blushed amber with the first rays of dawn that stream through the window.

The words she opens her mouth to say never come, because then my lips are on hers.

I go slow at first. With caution, I explore, gently placing my hands on her neck, until she firmly grabs the front of my t-shirt, and I give in to it. I kiss her greedily.

The urge comes to put my hands on her. Pulling her closer, my thumb caresses the curve of her waist beneath the hem of her top, her skin, the overwhelming feel of her beautiful, perfect body. This is what I imagined a hundred times.

She sighs involuntarily and my body burns. How stupid I am for this? Why did I do it here? Against this weird wall of plastic flowers, and not inside my tent, where I could lie her down, take my time slipping my hands inside her clothes to inspire more of these gorgeous, blissful sounds she is sighing against my mouth.

Oh, she’s going to kiss me.

I know it seconds before she plucks up the courage, which gives me ample time to stop it, but I don’t. I don’t want to. She leans in, and I let her.

She goes in carefully, with her hand on my neck, and her head tilts to the side before she dots one little kiss on my lips. Two. As though experimenting, she turns the other way, three, four…

I slide my hands around her waist and kiss her back.

Other kisses don’t make me feel the way I felt last night, as though she’s thrown a match on me and set my body alight, so I can justify doing it again by deciding I am too weak to resist it, that they day is long and that I deserve to surrender to something good.

Moving my hands to cradle her head, I glide my tongue along her bottom lip and she opens her mouth to me, soft and hot and slow, as my thumbs stroke her cheeks. I bite her bottom lip, and her top, as into my mouth, she moans against my gentle onslaught. The moment she makes that sound, I’m gone.

#poll #lucky boy extras #WE LOVE KISS SCENES #I am moving to a stage in the story where they'll matter less #which is slightly sad #though i am very excited to end some of this teen angst and move on to adulthood #anyway vote!#I have my fave but I'm curious about yours

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coleskingdom · 6 months

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Your Revenge

Adam Cole x F Reader

18+ Minors DNI

@midwestmade29 @madhatterbri

It’d been a few weeks since that night with Cole. I’d gone home, showered, Adam contrary to his words didn’t leave a mark on my neck and swore to myself I wouldn’t tell Jay.. Not for fear of him leaving me but for what he’d do to Adam. There was an apprehensive when an unknown number would appear on my phone, I didn’t know if it’d be Adam. Things between Jay and I were not great but he had sometime off coming, the things that made him cranky like his creative was fixed soon he’d be back to normal.

Jay left out a day earlier than normal, it wasn’t a big deal, plans change and I didn’t ask him any questions about the schedule shift. I ordered take out and settled in on the couch to watch Dynamite, Jays music hit and he comes out and does his normal entrance when he takes off his jacket, there are scratches on his back that weren’t there when he left. Trying to be rational I pause the screen and try to take a closer look maybe my guilty conscience is showing me things that aren’t there.

My phone went off

Unknown Number

Maybe your not so sweet as honey after all, you have Claws

Me:

Who is this?

Unknown

😈 I’m hurt

Adam?

Adam

There’s my girl, I haven’t seen him marked like that since Japan .

Me:

Those aren’t from me.

Adam:

Fuck, Honey are you okay?

Me:

Don’t honey me please. Did you tell him?

Adam

No, call it a crisis of conscience

Me:

Conscience you? I guess thank you . No chance he brawled with mox in the back

Adam : Want me to lie?

Me: No….

Adam: He’s been or rumored to be fucking some girl in make up , I don’t have proof and you deserved better than to worry about a rumor.

Me: Are you in town?

Adam: yeah still not cleared. Honey do you want me to come see you? I can come pick you up, we can go grab food, a drink or just talk.

Me: Yeah, I need out of this house.

I gave him the address, I met him outside when he pulled up. “Have you said anything to him ?” As he pulled away from the house . “No, not about a couple weeks ago, not about tonight. I don’t know what to say I feel like a hypocrite.” staring out the window “Also why are you being so nice to me? I figured you’d be happy about this.” Casting a glance his direction. “Honey, I like you, I want you, I haven’t stopped thinking about you. So it served no purpose to hurt you, honestly I texted tonight because I was jealous, that those were your nail marks down his back. I never would’ve rubbed it in your face had I known. You have to believe me.”

Strangely enough I did believe him. “Were you ever going to call me about the third option?” my cheeks blushed turning more towards him in the seat. “You really want me to tell you? “ I nodded “I’ve picked up my phone so many times but again, I didn’t want to fuck up your life. I wanted you to want me, if you had called I’d have done anything you wanted. You didn’t though and I thought you and he had fixed shit.” his voice soft and sincere. “Adam, I haven’t stopped thinking about that night. It felt right, I just had to try and fix it with him, but it’s over now. If he has the audacity to walk out with his back looking like that knowing I’m watching there’s no going back. If I’m honest I had hoped the text was about the third option. “ placing my hand on his thigh a groan fell from his lips as he gripped the steering wheel tighter.

He pulled up in front of his house. “Honey, I want you to be sure, if your not please tell me, and I’ll take you to dinner or a drink.” his voice low and warm and just like the first time I kissed him, it was needy and desperate. “Adam, take me inside, show me, pick me” my voice cracking on the last word. “Honey I’d pick you everyday and every night.”

He opened the car door, his hand on the small of my back leading me inside the house. He shut the door his lips finding mine, taking his time as he kissed me. “ Honey look at me” I glanced at him, his fingers lifting my chin, “Let me take care of you.” His hands moving to the hem of my sundress.”Let me show you everything you deserve” his mouth on my neck his hands moving up my sides. I felt my body relax under his touch. He took my hand and led to me to the bedroom, his touches were soft, as he lifted the sun dress over my head, his mouth followed his hands as he undressed me,before laying me down on the edge of his bed. I heard my phone ring, we both knew who it was and I ignored the call, as Adam had taken off his shirt and kneeled on the floor , parting my legs kissing the inside of my thigh when the phone rang again. “Adam, you don’t “ he cut my words off when he kissed my core through my panties, “Honey, unless you don’t want me to, or you don’t like it, I’ve been thinking about this since the night in the truck.” His fingers moved to the waistband of the soft cotton panties pulling them down. He licked from my entrance up, humming in appreciation as his mouth moved on my core. The phone rang again , “Answer it” he threw the phone up on the bed , “Adam he’s FaceTiming me” I whimpered, looking down at him

between my legs, “Good, take your revenge , take your control.” his eyes flashed wickedly as his tongue speared inside .

“Hello” I answered my face pink angling the camera just at my face. “ sweet girl, what are you doing? It’s not like you to not answer my phone calls.” Jays voice composed, I moaned as Adam’s finger glided over my clit. “Oh so that’s what you’re doing, dirty girl, let me see.” I shook my head no, words no longer able to fall from my mouth. “Sweet girl, I miss you and your pussy so much.” I groaned as Adam inserted to fingers moving at a faster rougher pace as I clenched around him, “ Oh fuck Ad” the words falling before I could stop them, “ who’s there with you? Who the fuck is there with you right now?” With his free hand Adam grabbed the phone, angling it showing Jay what exactly he was doing. I couldn’t stop the orgasm as I came while Jay was on the phone. “Cole is that you, you motherfucker I’m going to kill you.” Cole worked me through my orgasm, kissing the inside of my thigh, his beard covered in my cum, as he put the camera directly at his face. “Actually, I’m a girlfriend fucker but after the way your back looked tonight I’m gonna say your ex girlfriend fucker.”his voice cocky and assured. Jays face was pure rage as he screen shot it , “Seems, she needs to be tended to so I’m gonna let you go” as he hung up and turned off the phone.

#adam cole x you #adam cole fan fiction #adam cole x reader #adam cole smut #aew smut

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swimmingismywholelife · 1 year

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Losing Me

Summary: You love Christian with all your heart, but Christian doesn't love you the same.

Warnings: Heartbreak, panic attacks, feeling taken for granted, self deprecation, depression, anxiety

WC: 1K

A/N: Honestly, I don't have much to say. Just some heartbroken feelings really.

~~~

Dear Christian,

There aren't enough words in the world to describe how I'm feeling right now. Angry? Sad? Disappointed? Disheartened? I really couldn't tell you.

I guess I'll just start out with being honest. I feel like I should be over you, but I'm not. And I really fucking wish I was. Every day, I think about you. I think about the way you held my hand in the car. I think about the way you kissed me under the stars. I think about the way my heart still belongs to you.

But your heart doesn't belong to me now does it? I don't know how long it's felt that way for you, but I would imagine for a while since your decision to end us was so easy for you to decide. You left me behind and you never looked back.

I can't decide what's more painful: the way you stabbed me in the back or the way you whispered into my ear, telling me lies that I believed as you twisted the knife deeper into me. I couldn't see all the signs in front of me. Or maybe I did. But I chose to ignore them all because I loved you so. You were my whole world, my universe, my everything. There wasn't a thing I wouldn't do for you.

But no matter how much I tried, how much effort I put in, it was never enough for you. You don't know how many nights I've spent crying into my pillow wondering where I went wrong, what I could've done differently. Why wasn't I enough to make you stay? Why couldn't I keep your attention? Was I not worth the effort anymore?

Maybe so. But you didn't have a problem switching when it came to her. You broke my heart and picked up where we left off with another girl. Was she prettier than me? Funnier than me? Better than me? I don't understand. And I probably won't ever understand.

I've spent months trying to move on from you. From cutting you off, to locking away your old belongings so they don't tempt me. Your clothes don't smell like you anymore. The ink from your old notes have begun to fade. The tokens of affection you gave me sit in a box collecting dust, the memories disappearing as time moves on without you.

I can't move on. Maybe I'm not letting myself because I keep hoping you'll come back to me. Maybe I'm just naïve believing that you and I were meant to be. I want so desperately to believe I was made for you and you were made for me. Our souls were so intertwined that I just can't fathom we were made only to last for a season. It can't be.

How could you have made so many promises to me? How could you have said so many things and not meant a single word of it? How could you say you've never felt this way about anyone before? How could you look me in the eyes and tell me you loved me when you were planning on breaking my heart the whole time? How could you?

The reality of it isn't that I wasn't enough for you. It's that you were never willing to be enough for me. I loved you more than everything, but you didn't love me back. Not in the way that I did. I put everything on the line for you. I opened up, became the most vulnerable I've ever been because I trusted you, because I believed in you. You asked for my heart and I didn't hesitate to give it to you.

You were only a phone call away, but you never picked up. Not unless it benefited you for whatever reason. You lived in my head but you only ever noticed me when I was underneath you in your bed. I gave you my heart and you returned it to me in pieces.

Did you ever really love me then? Or did you love the attention I gave you? Were you genuinely appreciative of the love I had to give you? Or was it just convenient to you?

You've said so many things. But you never meant a single word. And even if you did, how can I put my faith in you anymore? Every promise you made was a lie. You said you tried your hardest, but you didn't. The moment things got hard, the moment it was your turn to take responsibility for what you've done, you left. You walked away and you left. You ran away leaving the rest of us to face the consequences of your actions.

I can't wait for the day when you regret letting me go. I can't wait for you to understand how horribly you've treated me and how I deserved better. And the moment you realize it, I'll be long gone.

I won't lie and pretend like it doesn't hurt. It's not as painful as it once was, but it still hurts. I still think about you constantly. And my biggest regret is that we were almost right. It was almost everything that it was meant to be.

But almost was is not the same as is. I love you with all of my heart Christian, but I cannot continue to love the person you are now. I loved who I knew. I loved the man who loved me. But whatever version this is of you, I don't care to love. This version is someone I no longer recognize. And quite frankly, I don't want to know this person anyway.

I know that the real you is there somewhere. I believe in the person I loved. I believe in the real you Christian. And I know you're capable of so much and more. And you deserve the world.

But I have to think about me too. And I can't continue to support this version of you at the expense of me.

I love you Christian Pulisic. I just regret that you never loved me.

Sincerely,

Y/N Y/L/N

Taglist: @chelseagirl98 @masonsrem @masonspulisic @pulisicsgirl @lizzypotter14 @thoseboysinblue @neverinadream @mortirolo @lovelynikol16 @notsoattractivearenti @bracedes @nyctophilic0vitnir

#christian pulisic x reader #christian pulisic #christian pulisic imagine #christian pulisic angst #swimmingismywholelife #christian pulisic fic

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esoteriamaya · 3 months

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Vulnerability: Healing The Body One Day At A Time.

Sometimes I want to stay private. Other times I want to open up. Staying hidden had been a sanctuary at one point. Not sharing with the world my feelings and what damaged me. I got tired of feeling burdens in my body, so at the moment where can I start?

In this present moment, I'm sad. I'm lonely. I'm tired. I'm depressed. I'm anxious. I'm worried. I'm exhausted. I'm hopeless. It seems the descriptions of lower feelings doesn't end. I've tried ignoring these feelings, replacing them with good thoughts. Trying to keep an optimistic smile, but that fake smile started to hurt.. And the mask began to wear off one day at a time.

It hurts to feel loneliness, but the truth is nothing can steal your joy but whatever dried up emotions are left infiltrating the mind with unwanted banter.

Its like... I can point out my flaws and my differences but I can't face the truth. I'm tired of truth. It's all I see everyday.

And what makes it funnier? I'm an oracle, and all I do is be 100% honest with people, but with me.... I lie so the triggers won't push too deep. I've ignored the villain that was imposter syndrome, and constantly took life too serious... Until life became a big circus show. And I'm the circus freak giving my performance.

Im annoyed, and constantly fighting tears. When I would cry and have those battles on the ground screaming 'I can't do it', it told me to get up and pick myself back up. You've grown up... you can't waddle your way out of this one.

I had no clue what I was doing, and before I still didn't, this new phase of adulthood I'm entering seems too much to handle but this where reality starts to hit. You're getting.., old. Older. More mature. Buying a house, getting a new car, even creating your own family. Life started to get a little practical... I thought I'd be a kid forever. But I was only talking about the imagination. Its fun being an adult, its so much freedom. It's just... I'm not built for whatever this reality is trying to show us, but I'm still trying. I'm still bringing forth change in my mindset, being more resilient. And allowing myself to be more than what my mind is constantly saying to me.

I've faced myself so much in 2023... Like.. the amount of times I had to look at myself in the mirror and could not escape. And sleeping with a mirror facing your bed don't make it no better, just makes you feel the emotions quicker (i got an interesting feeling when it comes to mirrors... portals man, portals).

I guess society has gotten its grip on the depressed gang, I've been working my way thru it. Theres absolutely no way in telling people that its easy to let go. Just something you learn to process on your journey. I'm learning both can be true at once. I'm learning to figure out what works, even if it takes a journey to reveal itself to me.

So how is this effecting my body... I get random body aches, I've had to make several hospital visits.. all of which there was no idea where the problem was truly stemming from. The doctor would prescribe me pills, they'd work for a while. Then later... the pain would come back again.

When our bodies are feeling pain especially in the organs, theres a spiritual connection that is making that happen. I use spiritual loosely here, what I mean is that our bodies can be carrying a lot of unwanted emotions. Be it rage, stress, depression, anything we don't want to feel but finds its way stuck in the body it'll start messing with your insides later on. When our spirits cannot rely the message, our bodies will for us.. for better or for worse.

I've found out I have health issues I didn't know existed.. I'm joking, well not really. I had no clue what galbladder disease was and def not anything with the gut. Even though I'd have random stomach aches here and there I never knew this would actually be an underlying problem. I didn't think I'd end up with a bunch of problems and it taking years to fix... Although I can be stubborn, I finally changed the way I ate.. it's been helping a bit.. I always did physical activity, but I noticed in my my present reality (3-6 months) its every other day out of the week. That's okay.

With accepting this truth I learned to be open to it because I started bawling.. I was losing weight like a mf and I had to drop all my clothes, still gotta do it now, or just get them tighten up. But its overwhelming.

I'm exhausted all of the time. My body is always on 'stop mode'. I can't work like the average woman because it gets me tired quicker. It kind of irks me because I want to do a little more but I just can't.

I feel as if I'm running out of time and I just don't know what to do. My subconscious is showing signs of paranoid thinking and I just can't see why I'm still running from my own reality.

its. just. too. much.

Im exhausted. And I've barely done anything.

I'm learning to feel my pain. Processing the very things that forced me into an uncomfortable matter.

It hurts to feel the feels of others dualities, but what do I do?

I gotta make amends with the shit I've dealt with, make use of them and take stride with whatever info comes up.

That's the secret. Pay attention to any fears, worries and anxious thoughts you could be picking up on because it's showing you a gate way to whats missing.

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golbrocklovely · 11 months

Text

finally, after so long, here is my review of the conjuring series/hell week.

this is EXTREMELY LONG so strap in, grab a drink, and a snack. or, feel free to skip to the end to read my overall thoughts lol

like previous hell weeks, i'm gonna rate each episode and then answer whether or not i would rewatch the episode.

lmk what you guys thought !

episode one:

the obvious meat and potatoes of this whole video was satori and cody's method, which i'm just gonna refer to as The Method just bc it's easier to say then writing out their names over and over again lol

i'll be honest with you, i'm super glad that snc did their best to debunk the tapping and whatnot. i honestly think that if they hadn't tried, a lot of ppl wouldn't believe them at all or would think that either they're lying, or satori and cody are.

as for the answers that satori and cody gave… it's hard. bc on one hand i truly do believe in psychics and mediums. i myself have experienced readings or things i have done on my own. i have had a lot of things happen to me that just logically don't make sense. i do believe there are ppl that have the ability to talk to the dead. but part of me is weary of satori and cody. idk know them from a hole in the wall. they could have easily researched snc, and their past relatives, and just bullshitted the rest. same thing with their producer. it's not hard to look up someone's ancestry. i would like to believe that isn't the case, but you can't be too sure.

the debunking that snc tried did make a strong case for The Method, especially doing it in random locations that they didn't know about. but again… idk. part of me just felt like i was side-eying the whole time. and look, i want to believe that they have good intentions and they are genuinely contacting something. but again, ppl lie for far less.

but no matter if they were lying or not, i 100% believe snc's reaction to it. it was real for them, and that's all that really matters to me tbh.

i felt really bad for sam, or i guess happy for him but sad that he was crying so much. my theory with him has always been that even tho he has experienced attachments and heard things, seen things, all that jazz - i truly think for the longest time he never fully believed. i think he would rather chalk up a paranormal experience as a group psychosis before saying a place was haunted. but since that probably wouldn't bode well for either of them, he just agreed that what they experienced was "crazy" and moved on like nothing happened. also, i have this general feeling that he doesn't believe his own experiences, which is why he questions ppl like colby when he goes thru something, but i haven't really fleshed out why that could be the case. but i think this was his "come to jesus" moment, so to speak. i mean, he explained it himself that he honestly didn't think there was anything after this life. that once you died, you're gone. so this was both great and terrifying news to hear. not to mention, to hear it from your dead grandmother was definitely surprising for sure. i honestly hope this brought him some closure or comfort. bc i know i always felt really sad growing up that my grandparents, literally all of them, never got to see me graduate high school or college or perform on stage. but i always had a feeling that they watched me do all of that so it's nice to hear that for someone else, that was the case.

granted, The Method could just be bullshit to conjure up an emotional response for views and notoriety… but for now, i'm gonna just take it at face value. sure, it's real. i think what also makes me lean towards that is that cody and satori don't charge ppl for this. it only happens at the conjuring for the most part, so…. unless they start becoming a side-show circus act with a big ticket price, i'm just gonna take them at their word. plus, the random locations snc took them to, unless the boys are in on it (which opens up too many cans of worms), The Method wouldn't have been able to work in these spots or actually have satori and cody come up with real ppl that died there.

i will say tho, it was kinda funny that sam's having this emotional breakdown over hearing his grandmom telling him she's watching over him and his siblings, and then colby's getting his great grandfather coming thru to tell him to tell his parents that he's there lol like…. thanks dude i never met. appreciate the love and support.

overall this episode was fine. it wasn't my favorite of the series, but it wasn't a bad way to start the series. this episode did draw me in enough to want to see the rest, but i was also a little weary of what was to come.

(oh yeah i forgot to add that the new owner… something feels deeply off about her. like i can't put my finger on it, but if it comes out years down the line that she was bringing demons into the house or something, i will not be surprised lol)

rating: 3/5

would i rewatch: yeah i guess, but not fully

~~~~~~~~

episode two:

so going into this episode, i was a bit… not excited, since i knew amanda was going to be in the video. i've always had my reservations with her. mostly, i think she has abilities, i just think she talks them up to be something that they aren't. plus she has made some comments in past videos that just make me look at her sideways bc they don't make a lick of fucking sense (ie queen mary, she talked to a ghost that said he had lived other lives before this one, he was just stuck in this one for some reason, and she literally told snc she didn't believe that bc "reincarnation isn't in the bible" …..BRO, you talk to the dead. maybe not everything in a 2000+ year old book that's been translated 150+ times is gonna be accurate. also again, need i remind you, YOU TALK TO DEAD PPL). as for how i felt about her during this episode, she was fine, i guess. the only time she annoyed me was during the estes method where her and sam were just bouncing off one another in the worse way lol but i'll get more into that later.

i think it was really interesting that they interviewed andrea perron. they need to do that more often: find ppl that used to live in these places that they visit and get their story, instead of just listening to tour guides who amp up the scares just bc they need to. i thought her interview was really intriguing and i can only imagine how horrible it must have been to live in that house all the way back then. and to see your mother get thrown across the room?? idk what i would even do as a kid in that moment.

so the first part of the investigation was with amanda, snc, and cody and satori. (side note, i love that the touch toy for the ghost kids is a basset hound). i think this whole first part was kinda funny only bc in my most cynical mind, it's three fake mediums trying to one up each other the whole time lol

i don't fully believe that, but that's what my mind kept going back to.

i do find it odd that amanda couldn't see her past relatives but The Method was able to allow them to talk. idk, if i could see dead ppl, i think i would be a bit pissed if my loved ones were like "nah, i know you got the vision but i ain't showing myself in front of you". it also doesn't really help her case of what her abilities are or how strong they are if she can't even see ppl she actually once knew.

i also find it odd that all loved ones are apparently able to get across is "watching over __" bc both snc and now amanda got that message. again, to me, this just reads as like someone in this scenario is faking something. idk what, but i just remember laughing at this whole part bc it just felt funny to watch each one try to one up the other and then snc are just like :O the whole time.

and what made this top tier comedy to me was sam asking who wrote amanda's name, and them saying it was a spirit. i'm so sorry…. but you gotta be on fucking CRACK to think that happened. i believe in ghost, the paranormal, the whole enchilada………. but a ghost soldier wrote amanda's name in the sand???? no. sorry. that didn't happened. and you cannot tell me it did lmao

honestly in situations like this, i'm more incline to believe equipment than these, respectfully, quack jobs.

i thought it was sweet that colby kept being really nice to abigail and calling her the matriarch of the house. isn't he just a sweet boy lol

the second half of the day 2 was where i got more interested and into the video. the rempod going off constantly, the camera immediately dying, that little cabinet door opening, all of that in like five minutes is crazy. and then the estes method, while interesting, was also deeply annoying since sam and amanda decided to tag team and do the one thing i hate that they try to do during the estes method - connect everything while the words are still coming out. like CALM DOWN. connect later. it was freaky to see the rempod going off in time with their estes method tho.

the woods session was kinda cool. idk how i feel about the alice box yet. why does it only say some words but the others are just on the little text box? whatever i guess. gonna be honest, woods don't really scare me for paranormal reasons. i'm more inclined to believe i'm gonna get my ass eaten by a bear or stabbed by a human so it wasn't really all that creepy, but it was cool to see this half. and then to have snc sleep in the woods… props. but to be in the woods in august in hoodies was a choice i wouldn't make, personally.

day three josh and seth came and thank GOD there were ppl in this series/episode i actually liked that joined them. their half made the video a lot better. so they start off by doing the ritual, which honestly just felt more like (literally) dancing on someone's grave so…. idk about that one. a bit disrespectful if you ask me. colby literally did the ice spice on her grave… boy i would haunt your ass for eternity for that one lmao

hearing andrea perron speak of that fateful night of her mother being possessed, again, my heart breaks for her. whether you believe in the paranormal or not, something traumatic happened to her and her family. and i just feel for her.

so when they moved on into the investigation, i just gotta say, if they plan to use the spirit box, they NEED to invest in a microphone or a better speaker for that thing bc good god i couldn't hear a single thing that was coming thru. but moving past the spirit box, the door to the library just opening on it's own?? and the camera moving slightly?? that's nuts. bc it's one thing for a draft to open a door. you're talking about the middle of august tho. there's not gonna be strong winds (for the most part) during that time of the year unless it's storming. so if a draft blew the door open, it had to have been a HUGE one to literally push a rock out of the way. and it can't be ac bc then that door would be constantly opening.

when they separated, i get why they did, but like… why do you have to do it in the dark? i would be turning on flashlights or some form of light immediately. you're not about to catching me busting my ass on the stairs of a 300+ year old house lol

josh's sleeve moving was actually kinda freaky, ngl. i know it was very subtle, and technically could have just him moving his arm and then feeling the sleeve pull or relax or whatever, but to me… it looked like something pulled it.

then when snc went in alone, i find it funny to think of a spirit just running up and down the stairs, fucking with the rempod or the motion sensor, just to see them freak out. when sam invited whatever it was up to them, and then it got near the motion thing, and colby noped out of there and literally yelled at sam like "why did you invite it up here with us?!" ngl - favorite part of the whole video. also it was kinda cute that snc tried to do The Method on their own. kinda wish it would have worked for them.

colby doing the whole "imagine being andrea perron" speech he gave…. colby, can you not? also, are you good? lol

okay, so my overall thoughts on this episode - dragged in the beginning, but got good half way thru. they also got some really good evidence outside of The Method, which i would rather they not use every episode (but end up doing regardless).

rating: 3.5/5

would i rewatch: sure, but only the second half

~~~~~~~~

episode three

so the previous episode left off with sam going into the basement late at night, almost looking possessed or something. and while i obviously didn't think that, i did want to know why he would go down there alone for some reason.

but that's for a later point in this review. let's get to the collab they did.

larray and bella…….. omg, i'll just be completely honest: i hated this collab. like genuinely, it takes a lot for me to find ppl insufferable, but larray took the cake this time. bella was fine, she seemed nice and did her best. and i love that me and @xplrvibes literally said "oh i bet they're gonna try to say bella is an empath bc she's a girl bc they do that all the time" and WOULDN'T YOU BELIEVE IT 11 minutes in they asked if she was one. i'm just glad she said no lol but back to larray……. first off, that shirt was a choice. and i'll leave it at that. but secondly, i'm okay with ppl joking is scary situations. i'm okay with them having guests that hear them say something insane and then immediately go "yeah fuck no to that, i'm leaving" or some iteration of that joke. but, larray took it too far. i don't think he said anything else other than "i don't want to be here" ect. and i get he was scared, but GOD, SHUT UP. like i got it the first five times you said it, i don't need to hear it the next 24. it literally took for him to get a message from the beyond to get him to be quiet.

i'll be honest, i don't even want to review this half of the video bc it was SUCH a drag. i remember i wasn't even half way thru and i was like… oh you're joking, we're not done yet? bc that's how annoying that whole section was. it wasn't solely larray, but he definitely exacerbated the problem.

the ring of lights that ppl can cross over, idk about that. it feels like it's fake but whatever. bella having a separate phone just for content… i love that for her lol them going into the basement is cut short only for the fact that we KNOW sam went down there first and colby was none the wiser until like two days later. The Method being done for bella and larray was cool i guess. but then sam getting an extremely private message that he couldn't share, i get that. and i hope that whatever message he got was something he needed to hear (but the way he mouthed "oh no" makes me think otherwise). my only issue is why even use any of the footage from that then? i know it's a bit nitpicky, so i'm not gonna press on it too much.

to the fans on tiktok that were saying "omg what if the message was from corey la barrie"….. please seek professional help. this isn't a fanfic. stop thinking like it is. bc i saw MULTIPLE tiktoks saying that.

but continuing on with The Method, i'll be honest with you: i'm not sure what the afterlife is like or what it entails. but it is hard for me to just blindly accept that it's all good and light and love and whatever random other words satori and cody wanted to throw in there that abigail said. i know it's my cynical mind, but hearing shit like that just makes me roll my eyes. like i know that sounds dark and sad, but that whole thing just made me go like "okay… sure."

maybe it's bc it's too generic. like that's what every form of media has said about the other side for forever. if i was able to get my point across and reach a ton of ppl, i would be sending messages like "god is woman and she sucks at beer pong" or "ice cream is free up here but only on tuesdays" or "guess what? i'm hanging out with EVERYONE'S dogs" not just love and light. boooorrrrriiiinnngggg lol

but i will note something that i thought was interesting only bc i've always had a similar thought process: cody says he doesn't know why they're able to do what they do. he believes it might have had something to do with his cancer complications and dying once. and the reason why i can believe that is i've always had this belief - so, as someone who has attempted to end my own life twice, i've come very close to death. and i think ppl that knock on death's door, you can't just unknock. you can't ding dong ditch death. so i kinda feel like those that get very close to the other side cross a line that can't be uncrossed, so to speak. which i think is also why i had the most paranormal experiences when i was going through some dark times (or had just gone thru them).

what i find peculiar is how the narrative of the basement has changed. before it was dark and demented, something evil lurking around each corner, colby having a full blown panic attack down there. all that, right? but now it's "oh it's just a trickster spirit that likes to cause havoc and is for the most part harmless. and also really would rather you be in the woods." and yet even with that knowledge in mind, everyone was still too freaked out. like if they kept getting cryptic and weird messages i would just be like "find a different trick. you don't scare me" or eventually just leave the basement altogether if nothing was going to be happening besides "come to the woods" over and over again.

but bc snc never listen, they went to woods. and again… woods to me aren't scary for paranormal reasons. more so for bears or humans. but they did get some cool evidence at the graveyard.

i'm just gonna skip that whole thing and get to the part that i want, no - NEED, to talk about which is…. colby standing up for himself when sam told him about the basement.

i was genuinely confused as to why snc weren't mentioning sam going into the basement. like i figured, sam went down there, something happened, and then he told colby. or something to that effect. but to find out that a) he had no real plans of posting this into the vid and b) he waited like two days to finally tell colby it happened…. that's really fucked, ngl. the absolute hurt that was on colby's face is so evident, no wonder sam started backpedaling (but just made it all the more worse). like colby has made it abundantly clear time and time again that he doesn't like being left in the dark about where someone is going/doesn't like being left behind and sam did exactly that. not only that, but he then did something that both him and colby swore they would do together - go to the basement. everyone was waiting to see them go together and experience whatever's down there, but sam took that for himself - like colby said. and then sam tried to justify it with "oh nothing really happened, plus we don't have to show fans, plus i really needed to do it bc everything has been so crazy" and it's like………. WHO DO YOU THINK HAS BEEN ON THIS JOURNEY WITH YOU???? it's colby. while colby might have had some form of belief system before all of this, this whole situation has been insane to him as well. so you don't get to use that as an excuse. and then to say that fans don't need to see this footage, that just feels wrong. bc at the end of the day, the person sam hurt was colby. and regardless of whether or not we would have known about it, colby still would have known. and that's the part that sucks. sam was extremely self-centered for making this decision and then thinking colby would just let it slide.

and i know some of you are gonna probably be up my ass about this opinion since god forbid i give criticism towards sam. but i would have done the same thing if the roles were reversed, especially if sam was upset about it. and god knows there wouldn't have been an argument about including those clips in a video, but i digress. i just think it was messed up of sam to do to that to colby. and i hope bts he apologized profusely.

but to be a bit more light hearted about it… colby looks really hot when he's angry or annoyed. so that's nice, i guess lol it's the clenched jaw and the narrowed eyes, in case you didn't know why you found it hot either. also, he was too calm, and that's hot AND scary lol

i think it's funny to think that if they didn't include sam going there by himself and then this confrontation, we would never know why in the next part colby seemed annoyed/angry and ppl probably would have just blamed the spirits or some shit.

which also did happen…

but to bring it back for a second, you know what the scariest part of this video was for me? the tick on colby's leg. GROSS. disgusting. i would have screamed so loud i'd wake the dead lmao

but anyway the estes methods they did in the basement were very revealing and honestly the best part of the episode imo. them realizing, or believing, that dave is actually the trickster spirit and not some soldier following them around was actually really cool to see unravel. and surprisingly this time around sam jumping to conclusion over and over again paid off well. and then when colby was asking the questions, it was interesting to see his reaction to what was being said. him being annoyed at sam before hand really elevated the estes method, funny enough.

maybe it's bc i don't know about trickster spirits and what they are meant to do or whatever, but if i know the spirit i'm talking to is fucking with me, i'm just not gonna talk to it anymore. i'm not gonna give it what it wants, which is to see me scared. and i think snc, without knowing it, were feeding into what dave wanted.

their equipment malfunctioning over and over again was crazy, ngl. but the actual scariest part of the whole vid was who the FUCK was that behind them in the basement coming up the steps??? fuck The Method, now THAT is proof of the other side existing, especially if snc were alone in that house at that point (which assumingly they were).

so this episode was a bit of rollercoaster for me. some parts were just plan bad to me. like i wouldn't even consider rewatching the first half again tbh. it was tedious to do it just to make this review, so that alone deducts this episode a bunch. but the second half, basically everything after The Method where larray and bella's loved ones talked to them, was pretty decent/better. and of course, once snc were alone, the video was at its best. i truly wish snc would just realize that they do so much better and get such better results without other ppl. just the two of them is enough. i truly wanted to like this episode, and i did to some extent, but no offense to larray, his over reactions just soured most of the video for me. he seems like a nice guy, and i didn't mind him the first time around when snc collabed with him, but god… just shut up next time lol

rating: 2.9/5

would i rewatch: only the tail end, tbh…. so no i guess lol

~~~~~~~~

episode four

i'll be honest with yall, i was mixed about how this final episode was gonna play out. part of me was excited to see it, another part of me was like… eh, don't care. but i will say, i was pleasantly surprised with this one. i guess in a weird way it was my favorite of all the episodes, but that's not saying much since none were really my favorite anyway.

niki and george were fantastic. honestly no notes. they didn't talk the entire fucking time, they weren't overly negative, they kept in line with snc's humor and or seriousness. i loved it truly. 10/10.

i completely forgot that kris called them to tell them about a dream she had. her and niki, and celina too… all having dreams about snc. what are they, fans??

i'm joking btw.

i think the dream element can be a bit questionable, but i do also think it's kinda creepy too. even if for argument's sake it's not real and/or is propped up to be something more serious than it is.

the foil house/tent thing they built was…. confusing. but i'm down for them to start using different methods, especially if they end up working or are interesting. they split up and neither really got anything that compelling, but when they played the picture game it was creepy that only colby's pics got fucked with a bit. it's always colby lol

but i gotta ask, didn't they break the first rule of the game which is nothing is supposed to cross over the circle in the middle? bc sam did that by putting the water cup down in it. also, i highly doubt that snc trashed that camera. highkey it's probably in their office rn.

the duel estes method, in theory, is a cool idea. but the execution wasn't really good enough. like sure, they got some answers, i guess. but half of the words were just random. and tying niki and colby together was kinda pointless. snc just love exploring their kinks on camera huh skskks jk

so, i think what was a bit confusing about sam freaking out (before) going into the basement is that did you really think colby wasn't gonna send you down there at some point? he has made a big stink about it since it happened to him. of course sam had to have known this was gonna happen. not to mention, sam's fucking challenge for colby would have literally caused him to get lost in the woods…. so i would say sam got the nicer of the two options.

as for what transpired in the basement, clearly sam was absolutely losing it. whether it was paranormal or not, he was scared out of his fucking mind. and i get it must have been creepy as hell down there. and god knows he lasted longer than i would have. but there is no reason he has to push himself that far to believe there is something more. like is it really worth being permanently scarred just to know if something is down there? not to mention, but whatever is down there, feeds off of havoc and scared energy. and you basically fell into its trap. like, i'm not blaming sam for freaking out. god knows i would be way worse in that situation. but i also wouldn't have been the dumbass who leaves my phone upstairs and has no extra back up light.

also colby is too forgiving bc i would been like "since you love the basement so much, here you go :)" lmaooo

(sidenote, why is colby walking around in only his socks???? ewwwww. do that in your own home, not the conjuring my guy. and another sidenote, does sam's face look swollen in the basement, or is that just the camera being hella zoomed in? idk why he just looks different)

colby giving a whole disclaimer or explanation about why he could leave sam in the basement…. i blame the fandom bc there is no reason for him to being doing all that. sam was literally gonna have him walk alone to the fucking graveyard. sam is fine in the basement. he can leave whenever he wants to. colby ain't a bad guy for giving him a challenge like that.

the walkie dying is so eerily spooky to the og alone conjuring video it's kinda crazy. but, maybe there is just bad reception lol

moving onto the final stretch of the video, the tarot reading. i know snc kinda showed more of the original reading on xplrclub, but if they truly think her first reading was super accurate, i really hope this reading is also just as accurate. snc deserve a lot more positive than negative these next couple months. so i hope that happens for them.

(might have to do a tarot reading on them myself just for funsies)

The Method's last messages… again, idk. imma just say this, to quote beetlejuice the musical "positivity is luxury that few can afford" and i'll just leave me beliefs at that.

i'll be completely honest with yall, idk what the priestess did with snc. the whole thing, the ouija board and exorcism/cleansing was intriguing, don't get me wrong, but idk what the fuck was happening. i kinda just watched it and accepted it at face value bc again, idk anything. it probably would have been for the best if snc explained it a bit better or did something to let us know what was up. i don't really believe everything that the priestess believes, but i do find her interesting enough that i hope she comes back eventually. god knows snc are gonna need another cleansing at some point.

colby going into the woods blindfolded…. is he trying to literally fall off of a bridge? what is with yall using blindfolds and ties? enough of the kinky shit, already.

but as for what happened out there, i think it was an interesting end to the final investigation. i could sort of hear something running up on colby, and i can only imagine how that would have felt in the moment. and who knows what it could have been? my bet is it was an animal, but i also feel like if it was one, it would have kept chasing him. but who knows. i'm just glad he didn't get hurt.

overall, i would say this was my favorite episode. i think it had a lot more high moments than lows, and that alone makes it the best. the collabs were good in this one, they got really cool evidence, and it was just a great way to wrap up this series.

rating: 4/5

would i rewatch: yeah :)

~~~~~~~~

now, onto my thoughts on this whole thing:

so going into this series, i wasn't too excited, as i had mentioned before. i felt as if snc should have taken this year off and came back during hell week if that was something they direly wanted to do. bc a lot of the content that came out this year was just… not good. it wasn't on par with what their calibar is. but i think this series was probably the best thing that came out this year by them. a lot of cool and interesting things happened in this series, and clearly snc's hearts were fully invested in this. there was passion in this series, and that's what a lot of their other videos this year have lacked, imo.

as for The Method and it changing the world….. i love snc, clearly. i deeply care for them. but they truly need to have someone in their camp that's gonna tell them reality. i mean, just as i'm writing this, there are tons of ppl on tiktok and youtube trying to disprove and nitpick apart the series and in particular The Method. but here's how i feel about that: satori and cody could be lying, that's true. they could be faking it somehow. but i don't think that's the takeaway from this series. i've seen how many ppl this brought closure to, how many ppl feel better now knowing there is something else after this life. and that in itself is worth it, even if it's not real. this series wasn't gonna change my mind bc i myself already believed in the paranormal and already believed that there is something more out there. i don't need two random ppl to prove to me i'm right. i already believe that on my own. and in that regard, i know that this series isn't for me. it's for those that needed to hear those words, that needed the confirmation. and for those ppl, i'm happy this gave you that. honest to god. just bc i didn't get that out of this doesn't mean i look down on those that did. if this helped you in any way, that's fantastic and i'm glad. i'm not here to argue whether or not The Method is a lie. idc tbh. snc believe it, and i believe them.

and if it comes out that satori and cody lied, fuck them. but until otherwise proven, i'll believe what they're selling. i'm just… not gonna buy any myself.

but even taking them out of the conjuring equation, snc caught some crazy shit there. of course, a lot of it was amplified by The Method, but i think what they did outside of that was more interesting and compelling than The Method. what i think will be more important is what they now do with the information they know. how are they gonna move forward now knowing what they know? what are they gonna impliment now that they didn't think to use before the conjuring? that's what matters to me.

idk if i got an ask that said this or not (i would have to double check but if i did - hi anon, here's your answer), but i know ppl are asking how snc are gonna top themselves this next year for hell week. personally, i don't think they have to. i think they should go back to what hell week looks like usually: a bunch of different places with different guests, but now more amplified. maybe, crazy concept, do more solo investigations. how about during next year's hell week you just… go alone to all seven places? maybe stop by the conjuring another time? you already proved (for the most part) that there is an afterlife and more beyond this life, why not go back thru your greatest hits with fresh eyes? that's what will make a difference in the content and take it to the next level without you literally contacting a demon or something.

i was pleasantly surprised by this series, and i'm more excited now to see what they do next than i was before, so… mission accomplish lol

#sam and colby #sam golbach #colby brock #personal #hell week #text

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