#i can only do so much angst in one night XD

[tongue-like-a-razor]

Can you write something with young!Maverick?

Something like where they meet and she has heard about his reputation (he's the type to only stay a few nights and then move on to the next girl). So, when one night, he approaches her all smiley and flirty (and maybe a little shy and cute) she thinks that's exactly what he wants from her - to take her home for a night of sex just to move on to other people the next day. And, even though she has developed feelings for him, she accepts it, albeit with no expectation that she will become anything other than just another one he spent a night with or that it was anything other than just sex and fun. So, imagine her surprise when he starts acting the exact opposite towards her from what she expected - always wanting to be with her everywhere, skipping nightlife to be with her, being super clingy and loving, etc, etc. She doesn't believe he has feelings for her but she just can't understand his behavior. She starts to feel overwhelmed because her feelings for him only get worse and she fears the day when he will stop giving her that kind of attention (maybe she thinks this is just a harmless game for him, where she is the shiny new toy he is getting to know until she no longer interests him that much). She confronts him, confesses her feelings, gets angry and tells him to stay away. He desperately tries to tell her about his feelings for her, that he has always been in love with her and has tried to get closer to her through everything he has done because he didn't know what else to do. She doesn't believe him and it's basically him desperately trying to prove his love for her and all that cute stuff with a really happy ending 💖❣️

I also imagined a lot of cinematic chase scenes, inspired by that sand chase in There Are Rules and the f14 airport scene in Altitude 🤣🤣 so there's that. Lots of desperate, all-consuming love, perhaps ending with a love making scene that includes it all? Making desperate, passionate and hungry love. Someone so in love that they don't even know what to do, whether to cry or laugh.

You could also include a classic “misunderstanding scene” that unearths deep-rooted jealousy, but is it not what it seems? Lol it's all very cliché but honestly, it's the best shit in the world when it's written by someone who knows what they're doing, I live for desperate love.

I know this is extra long but hopefuly you'll be able to make it, I simply love your writing. Thank you. ❣️❣️

Oooh what a fun request! Thank you so much for sending this in!! I hope you don't mind, I kind of see this as a series rather than a one-shot, just because there's a lot to cover XD

Best of the Bad Boys

Pete "Maverick" Mitchell x F!Reader

CW: mild angst, swearing, fluff, allusions to sex

WC: ~2000

Masterlist

“That’s Maverick. Maverick Mitchell.”

You tear your gaze away from the animated man near the bar, throwing his arms around wildly as he describes some aerial trick he’s no doubt performed just that morning. You know exactly who he is, and yet, you turn to your friend jadedly and say, “Doesn’t ring a bell.”

She gives you a sardonic smile and skeptically scoffs. “Right. Like your father’s never mentioned his name.”

You shrug, glancing back at the pack of fighter jocks crowding the front of the establishment, each one admittedly a high-flier in his own right – pun intended. But Maverick… Maverick still manages to stand out. “He talks about all of them,” you reply nonchalantly, adding, “It’s not like I sit there and listen.”

“Why are you staring, then?”

You blink away, executing an elaborate eyeroll as you do, and fix your friend with a serious expression. “I can’t look?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“They’re nice to look at.”

Your friend nods in approval. “Can’t argue with that.”

“Doesn’t matter what his name is. What any of their names are. They’ll be gone in a couple of weeks.”

“Perfect fling material, if you ask me,” your friend wiggles her eyebrows suggestively.

“No thanks,” you respond with a grimace. Every couple of months, a fresh assortment of aviators arrives at Top Gun, ready to take on the world. Already the finest pilots in their respective squadrons, they are sent to train at the most elite fighter tactics school on the Pacific seaboard. Their egos soar higher than their jets and their heads are always in the clouds.

You see the various groups come and go – the program is only several weeks long – but it’s always entertaining to watch them transform over the course of their training. It’s why you frequent the officer’s club rather than any of the other pubs in the area. That and the cheap drinks.

“Probably for the best,” your friend sighs dramatically. “He’s got a reputation.”

You purse your lips, watching Maverick smile at the waitress as she distributes another round of drinks among the officers. You know about that too. “Point him out to me,” you say, as though you have no idea whom the conversation is about.

Your friend leans into the table and discreetly aims her finger in Maverick’s direction. “The pretty one,” she mutters.

You let out a small chuckle. “They’re all pretty.”

Your friend shakes her head. “Not that pretty.”

“Not that pretty,” you agree musingly. You make an effort not to fall for the top guns of Top Gun and, until Maverick, you haven’t had much trouble upholding that rule. But everything about him, from the squint of his eyes when he laughs to the radiant warmth of his smile, not to mention his muscular arms, makes your heart skip a beat.

And then he pivots in his stool and his gaze, coincidentally, lands on you. You hastily look away, hoping he didn't noticed you staring, and start to fiddle with the pearls of your necklace. Several moments later, you slowly lift your eyes to check if he’s still looking.

Your heart nearly springs up into your throat when you see that he is. His mouth quirks upward slightly before he gives you the kind of smile that says he’s confident you’ve already noticed him.

You don’t smile back. You’re not about to engage in this dance. You do not associate with pilots. Your friend, on the other hand, is all for the naval aviator experience.

“He’s looking at you,” she whispers excitedly.

“Stop,” you warn her sternly. “I’m not interested.”

“Well, I am,” she urges. “Let’s go talk to them. I like the blond one.” But before you can refuse for a second time, your friend mutters, “Oh god, never mind. They’re coming to us!”

You look at her in alarm and then gulp as several of the men from the bar approach your table. You glance up at them with raised eyebrows.

“Hello,” Maverick says, looking directly at you. He presses his lips together into a vexingly endearing sideways smirk.

When you don’t respond, your friend chimes in excitedly. “Hello, hello! Welcome!” she exclaims, as though she’s receiving guests for a dinner party. “I’m Susan. Hello!”

You eye her moodily as she motions for the newcomers to join the two of you at the table.

“Mind if I sit here?” Maverick asks, pointing to the seat next to you.

You meet his gaze reluctantly. “Knock yourself out,” you respond coolly. You’re still annoyed that he caught you staring and you intend to make it clear that you are not just some girl he can charm into bed.

Maverick’s smirk widens somewhat, as though he’s not quite buying the act. He takes a seat beside you while one of his friends starts chatting up Susan who seems very much to be enjoying the attention.

“I hope you don’t mind,” Maverick says, leaning over slightly so that he could speak more discreetly. “Slider, here, wanted to get to know your friend. And I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to watch him crash and burn.”

You glance at Maverick dubiously. “That’s why you’re here?”

Maverick looks at you, then, and his gaze drifts languidly over the features of your face. “Would you prefer a different reason?”

Ignoring the frantic stutter of your heart as his eyes settle on yours, you shrug and look away, taking a sip of your drink. If only he knew who your father was, he wouldn’t be so bold. “I would prefer honesty.”

“Okay,” he says, resting his forearm on the table. “Honestly? I couldn’t leave without meeting you.”

You glance back at him hesitantly, not sure how to react. “Why?” you ask, trying to control the embarrassing tremor in your voice.

Maverick drops his head and lets out a small chuckle. “I just couldn’t,” he says. “That’s as honest as I’m going to get.”

You eye him tentatively, wishing he weren’t so dangerously good-looking. His sheepish smile almost makes you forget that he dates women for sport.

But the longer Maverick sits by your side, the less important his apparent promiscuity becomes. And when the two of you wind up in the back alley behind the officer’s club, wrapped in each other’s arms, you aren’t overly concerned about the future outlook of this particular liaison. Something about the way he kisses your neck convinces you that some moderate heartache might just be worth it.

Maverick weaves his fingers through yours and lifts his arm over your head, pressing the back of your hand into the brick wall behind you. He cradles the back of your head with his other hand as his mouth moves hungrily beneath your jawline. You let out an audible sigh and he pins you even more firmly against the wall, as though the sound you made has aroused him further.

And despite your every intention to just kiss for a while before taking your leave – because you don’t do flyboys – Maverick has managed to change your mind without speaking a word. You want to tell him that you’re flattered but no thank you, instead, you breathe, “come back,” when he finally pulls away.

Maverick smirks at you and tugs on the hand he’s still holding so that you’re drawn directly into his arms. “I’m not going anywhere,” he whispers.

You wrap your arms around his body, flattening yourself against him like you mean to be absorbed. And he folds around you like a cocoon, his arms enveloping you so securely, you barely have to hold yourself upright. He moves backward, pulling you after him toward his bike.

…

“We fucked,” you tell Susan the moment she puts her car in park.

She looks over at you with wide eyes and an even wider mouth as her jaw literally drops. “You and Maverick?” she shrieks.

You wince anxiously and look around, making sure nobody heard her exclamation. Then you roll up your window and nod for her to do the same. “Keep it together, Susan,” you hiss. “We’re behind enemy lines.”

Susan grimaces apologetically but the remorse is fleeting and, before you know it, she’s eagerly bouncing in her seat. “As if you’ve been blabbering on about a fender bender for half an hour and drop this bomb right before you have to go!” she whispers feverishly. You give her a grievous look which she expertly ignores. “Was he good?”

You sigh. “He was fine,” you say curtly, still uncomfortable sharing the details of last night’s encounter while sitting in the parking lot outside Hangar 1.

Susan appears disappointed. “Just fine?”

You glance around once more and then respond quietly, “He was very good.”

“I fucking knew it!” Susan yelps, tapping you on the knee excitedly. “Tell me more!”

“Later,” you say. “I have to meet my dad, remember?”

She nods. “I’ll pick you up in half an hour?”

“Thanks, Suz,” you respond. “You’re a life saver.”

…

Your father, Top Gun’s very own Viper, paces back and forth as you sit in one of the chairs before his desk. He’s trying to keep his cool. “You sure you’re not hurt?” he asks again.

You nod tiredly. You’ve had a hell of a day.

Viper sighs moodily and shakes his head at you as though he’s not convinced.

It’s at exactly this moment that there’s a knock on his door and, as you begin to rise from your chair to leave your father to his duties, Maverick enters his office.

You freeze, meeting his gaze in alarm. Maverick, in turn, stops in his tracks, gaping at you from the doorway, forgetting even to salute his superior.

“Lieutenant,” Viper says. “You need something?”

Maverick, who seems unable to look away from you, stammers, “Do – I – uh…”

“Maverick,” Viper says sternly, and Maverick finally glances in his direction.

“Commander Metcalf,” Maverick says, a little dazed as though he’s surprised to find Viper in his own office.

“Speak, Lieutenant. I don’t have all day,” Viper grumbles, still irritable from the news he’s received during your visit.

Maverick, who seems unable to recall why he’s even come, gulps nervously and glances back at you again.

“Okay, well, thanks dad,” you say quickly. “I’ll be off now.”

Maverick’s face slowly morphs into a visage of terror as he realizes who you are and what, in fact, it means for him to have had relations with the commander’s daughter. He watches you in horror, beginning to mouth the word ‘dad’ before he catches himself and leaves his mouth hanging open on the ‘a’.

“How will you get home?” Viper asks you, not paying attention to Maverick’s reaction.

“Susan’s picking me up,” you respond.

Viper sighs again. Then, he sighs in Maverick’s direction. “Maverick, meet my daughter, Y/N. Y/N, this is Lieutenant Mitchell, recent Top Gun graduate and a helluva pilot. Hopefully, soon to be one of our newest instructors. If he finally remembers why he’s here, that is.”

Maverick glances anxiously between your face and Viper’s and then holds his hand out to you. “Pleased to meet you,” he says courteously, his eyes resting on yours for a significant moment.

You give him a tight smile and then give your father a hug. “I’ve got to go.”

Viper shakes his head all over again. “I still can’t believe that bastard hit you.”

“Who hit you?” Maverick looks over at you sharply, suddenly on high alert.

“Nobody – the other driver.” You exhale wearily, not too keen on repeating the story for a fourth time in one day. “I was in an accident –”

“Are you okay?” Maverick asks, immediately taking a step toward you.

“I’m fine, totally fine,” you assure him, taking several steps backward until you feel the doorknob at your spine. “I just need some rest.”

“We’ll sort out the car tomorrow,” Viper says.

“Hey, at least it wasn’t a jet, right?” you joke, trying to lighten the mood.

Neither Viper not Maverick is amused by your humor, however, so you reach behind and pull open the door.

“Okay, well, bye dad! Mav – uh – Lieutenant Mitchell.”

Maverick stares after you as you retreat behind the door, still somewhat speechless.

“Tell Susan to drive carefully!” your father calls.

“Will do!” you call back.

Finally, Maverick speaks again. “I, uh” – he clears his throat – “I could give her a ride, sir.”

You pause in the doorway while your father purses his lips, considering the offer. Joke’s on him, of course, since Maverick has already given you one – just last night.

Read Part 2

Maverick Tag List:

I have no idea when this list got so long but the rest of it will be in the comments. Hope I got everyone, let me know if I missed you! As always, let me know if you no longer wish to be tagged in my Mav works!

@wandering-wah

@callsign-sunshine

@ghost-heart34

@birdy-bat-writes

@matya4

@wkndwlff

@nyx2021

@bellamy1998

@oliviah-25

@alexxavicry

@army24--7

@thefandomimagines

@dracosluvbot

@smit41

@scenesofobx

@Criminalmindsandmarvel

@lunamoonbby

@malums-trash-can

@malindacath

@karleetakeenan

@callsign-echo

@toothemoonanddback

@broketraveler87

@atarmychick007

@shanimallina87

@creativitybeware

@xoxabs88xox

@Yoyop7

@hallecarey1

@nik2blog

@rrocky0ah

@kpopgirlbtssvt

@lilianashomaresparza

@latetedslesetoiles

@Elenavampire21

@starberryhorse

@ginger-gabsq

@sarcastic-sourwolf

@risingtripletaurus

@callsignmaverick5

@darling-im-the-queen-of-hell

@hermaeusmorax

@littlebadariell

@simp-for-fictional-people

@ollyoxenfrees

@iamabeautifulperson18

@living-in-my-imagination88

@wintercap89

@mavrellover91

@gingerbreadandpaper

[factual-fantasy]

27 Asks! Thanks y'all! :}}} 🦅

@neo-metalscottic

AAAA Thank you so much! :DD I plan to experiment for now but will tackle some SERIOUS redesigning once I've finished the show.. If I ever get that far <XD

Now for Sea Spray, I had completely forgotten about him! <:0 I will DEFINITELY find a way to bring him back, Same for Starscreams brothers! I knew they existed in other medias and kind's wondered why they weren't in prime..

Since Starscream never mentioned them I guess I thought they just weren't written into the show.. but now that I know I have GOT to bring them back! >:))

(My latest transformers post) (Or were they referring to this one..?)

Currently I'm on episode 10, but I hope to watch the next 3 episodes either tonight or tomorrow night. :0

I cant remember much of what's to come,, so I guess up to this point my favorite has to be the Scraplet episode.

Althoughhhhh I remember an episode where Bulkhead was holding up this cave ceiling and Miko was running out of air below. I can imagine that episode is full of angst and will probably be my new favorite once I get to it <XDD

The only Ironhide I'm familiar with is the one from the Bayverse movies :0 I always wondered why they changed him from red to black in the movie when a red version of his alt mode exists...

(Referencing this post)

XDD Friendship is my favorite kind of ship!

@samcat71470558

I'm doing a bit better today. I slept the whole day away and my symptoms lightened up a noticeable amount :))

Also thank you so much!! :DDDD

I have already made like 20 transformer OCs with varying alt modes, but if I were to make one more? It would probably be an old rusty mercury woody station wagon with the nickname "Monty" for no particular reason

I can confidently say without a doubt that out of ALLL the fandoms I've ever been in, Transformers characters have been the absolute hardest to draw. And they still are to this day! <XDD

(Referencing this post)

Noooooo don't break any glass you'll make my headache worseee 😩

Thank you so much!! :DDDD

I don't now how he got under there but this man has been positively squished 💀

(Referencing this post)

My pieces will probably just evaporate and I'll regenerate more, I'm to lazy to go and collect all that goop <XDD

Honestly? The bots being old and tacky cars would help them blend in soooo much better then being these fancy sports cars that are strangely COVERED in dents, scratches and dirt.

Which is why I'm giving everyone a new alt mode and redesigning their root mode to match

@smithanonsworld

I cant guarantee I'll eat that much, but I DID get a lot of sleep! :) Just like the bumney.. 💞💞

Thank you so much! And a happy belated Valentines day to you as well! :)))

And while I cant eat soup or chocolate- take comfort in knowing that I slept the whole day away and knocked out like 30% of my cold symptoms XDDD

@chaotic-public-menace

I feel powerful..... 💪🍎

AWW!! :DD Thank you so much!! 🥰🥰 Er- wait- *You're welcome so much!! :DDD Wait that's also not right either-

*I EXPRESS JOY AT YOU 👍💞

I don't think they would ever pluck his bones off and go play with them, but Jangles has absolutely popped his hand off and thrown it at someone when they say "Hey can you gimme a hand with this?" XDD Which would give Cici the opportunity to steal the hand and run away with it XDDDDD

I can see Fazbear Entertainment having to make some kind of parody song or at least change up a lot of the words to make it kid friendly <XD

Oooooo that's a good question....

Uhhh....... well? That miiiight be Optimus Prime for me. I really like how the glass parts of the car (like the windshield on his chest) are visible instead of just disappearing into his body. Its a nice touch for some reason-

I also like his retractable mask and how his upper body is red but his head and legs are blue. Its just a fun change in the coloring style that most of the other bots have :)

One of my favorite parts of Primes design has to be the exhaust pipes coming out of his back and poking out over his shoulders. I don't think I've drawn it myself yet- but I LOOOVE the fanart those pipes inspired of an angry Optimus prime with thick smoke billowing out of the pipes. Such a cool scene and I wish his pipes smoked like that in the show 😭💔

@fawncr33k

I've been thinking a lot about Ko-fi.. it might be the best option of I cant get commissions to work <:(

@milk-powrit

I know that there or other shows that are connected to TFP.. I just don't know which ones <:( I think one is Rescue Bots....? Or no- was it robots in disguise..?

And yeah, that sounds about right for Shockwave <XDDD

Yeah that's what I had in mind at first. Someone just sends 5 bucks for me to doodle something for them. They're not paying me for the rights to USE it, they're just paying me to create it. Does that make sense..? <:0

AAA YES I DO LIKE WARFRAME :DDDD

I haven't played it in a few days, but I thiiiink I left off on Neptune..? I don't think I've made it very far in the story yet <:/

So far my favorite quest has been the vent kids K-Drive quest! :D I haven't completed it yet but its fun to blast around on the board and try to land various tricks XDD

Also I didn't catch any kind of stream, did I miss some important info? <:0

A guitar hero warframe is coming out?? :0 That sounds kind'a nuts-

And lastly- I hope you have fun with Valkyr! :)) She has quickly become on of my top favorite frames 😾

1: Bill Cipher because I hate him and also I can easily see myself grabbing him by his feet and absolutely flinging him XD

2: Gerald because he is immune to fall damage and it would be very funny

3: Sky: Children of the light crabs

4: All the players in sky that have suddenly become extremely rude and inconsiderate during the season of Radiance are very yeetable

5: Starscream from Transformers Prime

(Link in ask)

They'd have to censor a lot of the adult words like "drunken" when they sing it around Red XDD

@starrygirldrawsx3

I've heard of Rescue Bots but never dove into it.. maybe sometime I'll try it out :0 Thank you! :)

Also- Happy belated Valentines day!! :DDD

[thesoulforgeorder]

hello!!! congrats on the chapter 2 part 1 release!!! you've worked very hard and you should be proud of what you've accomplished!

so far I've only played as the Military!MC and god i could just feel how much their family cherishes them. i specifically play as a Military!MC who's not really entirely sure what she wants and is just trying to fulfill their duty so to speak and thus hasn't really voiced any of their doubts, but that little moment made me think, "you know, i don't think they would immediately turn their backs on you like you fear they would." idk it just made me tear up a lil bit ;3; disappointing them would still make me sad, but i was gladdened to see MC loved by their parents and siblings. i will probably defo come back after playing as an Orphan or Wastelander MC (*w*)

that said, i had to mention something funny. so i often use "Nikola", shortened as "Niko" as my preferred name. i also tend to play as a Chinese MC if the setting is conducive for it because well I'M Chinese xD so it was ESPECIALLY funny for me to meet Nico as Niko. like ok buddy, one of us is gonna have to change--especially if we're dating LOL

even funnier is that you said Nico would be a bard in DND...because I, too, am a bard in DND/BG3. when asked the same question about me, all of my friends took one look at my dopey, loves to sing, "but can i kiss the eldritch abomination?", troublemaker gremlin ass and said "yeah that's a bard." and now i am so curious and excited to see what makes Nico a bard >W<

*insert Spiderman pointing meme*

✓Chinese

✓Shared/homophonous nickname/preferred name

✓Bards

✓Military background

✓Rhyming surnames (Zhu VS Wu)

ONE OF US IS GONNA HAVE TO CHANGE, BUDDY!!! nah jk we can just be Nico^2. or to avoid confusion i'm just gonna give him THE most annoying nicknames. and/or petnames if i romance him LOL please wish me luck that i come out of this IF unscathed for i am just as likely to get eaten by an Exillium as i am to get blasted by Nico for calling him "my dumpling" over the comms.

anyhow. once again, congratulations on chapter 2 part 1!!! i look forward to what else you've got cooking up; that said, please take all the time you need! you've worked very hard!!!!

Thank you so much for the kind words, Anon! All the hard work is worth it when I see how much you and others are enjoying the game.

Military!MC has a lot of interesting family moments throughout the game. The battle of wanting to not disappoint your father, live up to the family legacy, fear of isolation and rivalry and tension with siblings will all come into play in later chapters.

But there will be a lot of sweet moments to soften the angst!

Also that is absolutely hilarious, what a coincidence! Not so long ago another anon said the same thing but in regards to being Astrid! So I see I have anon twins. I can't believe it.

I am still new to coding so I'm not sure how to get characters to recognise players as having the same name as them but when I do, I'm writing that as a scene. Nico would 100% insist that he gets to be nico prime and MC will have to go by a nickname.

Perhaps people will get to see his bard side in part two hehe.

Thank you for the ask and you made my night! I love the Niko and Nico duo. Truly iconic

[torukmaktoskxawng]

run away with me

Pairing: Nor/Sarentu!Reader

Warnings: Spoilers for Avatar Frontiers of Pandora, fluff, angst, mentions of brainwashing and residential school trauma

Taglist: @mooniequeen

A/N: No one has requested me to write for AFoP so I decided to take matters into my own hands *cracks knuckles* Let's get to work.

This is basically my rendition of the cutscene you see when playing the game, after the title card. I made it lean more toward the angsty, romance play that we were robbed of when the game finally came out XD Enjoy!

Part 2

When So'lek told you that Nor had left Resistance HQ to have some time to think, you knew you needed to seek him out.

Using your new abilities and talents to track him down, it didn't shock you when you found Nor on one of the highest cliffs near the base of their new home. You remember he made a comment earlier about how there were more colors on Pandora than he remembered and how he had no names for them. You suspected he'd be all the way out here, admiring those colors and maybe trying to invent new names for them.

He didn't react when you approached the small fire he made, likely expecting you to come find him. He turned to face you with lowered ears and a forlorn look in his eyes, "What must our ancestors think of us? Do you think they pity us? Sad to see what we've become?"

"We're still Sarentu."

"Teylan barely speaks our tongue, but then... he always preferred human words."

"Alma says we all need time to adjust."

"Alma is not Na'vi." He growled lowly, turning away to kneel down in front of the fire.

You weren't deterred by his attitude, knowing Nor better than you sometimes knew yourself. He felt things stronger than most. He was passionate about what or how he felt and he wasn't afraid to admit it, hence why he didn't shy away when he proudly proclaimed his feelings toward you. It was years ago now, just the night before Alma snuck you and your friends into cryosleep to wait out the war. All that time you could've been with Nor... lost to cryosleep.

Nor felt the same loss as well, and that is why he wasn't wasting any more time. When neither of you are out on missions, you're with each other, safe at HQ, making up for lost time. Your relationship is technically still new and can easily be chalked up to young love, but Nor didn't see it that way. He claimed that was the way only Sky People saw it, but not the Na'vi. He wanted to do this right, and in his mind, the only right way was the Na'vi way.

So he asked So'lek for advice, on standard Na'vi customs and what the older man might know about the Sarentu ways to court someone. Nor was determined and straightforward about what he wanted to make sure you only got the best treatment. The Na'vi treatment, something that you deserved to have when you were younger but it was taken from you.

That's what you loved about him, growing up beside him. He reminded you so much of your sister at times with their shared determination as kids, though you refused to continue making that comparison after she died... afraid that if Nor acted too much like Aha'ri, then he would die just like her. You couldn't bear to lose him, too, not after everything Mercer and TAP have done to you.

Even now, as you two stood on top of that cliff, you were afraid of losing him, either to death or to life, should life and fate decide to tear you two apart. You wished you could vocalize your fear to him, but you were never as brave or as straightforward as Nor. You were grateful he had approached you about his feelings first, or else neither of you would've ever known.

Although you were not one with words, you were one with actions, and even Nor knew that you communicated with deeds.

Walking up to him, you slide your hand over his shoulder, and while he doesn't say a word, trapped with the demons in his head, he places his own hand on top of yours, a gesture of gratitude. He was thankful for your comfort, knowing that your way of communicating stems from being touch-starved and you would rather voice your thoughts through your actions instead of just saying them because, to you, that means so much more.

You keep your hand on his shoulder, the warmth of his palm bleeding into your skin while you look up and over the cliffside, admiring the scenery with a sad tone in your voice, "Why did the RDA come back?"

"They wanted more of Pandora," he responds with defeat, "They always do."

"Then we'll need to fight," you express with determination, squeezing his shoulder, "Aha'ri would have wanted us to fight."

You try to pull away, but Nor is suddenly too fast. He grasps your hand, gently, and you pause in your movement. He stands to his full height to gaze into your eyes, trying to relay what he's thinking without saying a word. But he wasn't like you. He wasn't good at sharing his thoughts through actions. He was better at it by talking, so that is what he did.

"Or we could run," he suggests and is quick to continue when the expression on your face falls, "Leave this place. Find somewhere else to call home."

"We've talked about this, Nor," you sigh tiredly, recalling not long ago when you, him, Ri'nela and Teylan were all sitting around a fire as Nor suggested they could all run away together. You express the same thing you said back then, too, "Alma brought us here for a reason. She believes in us."

He snarls, though there isn't much heat behind it, "Alma just wants to control us."

Not even you believed what he was saying, lowering your voice to a comforting whisper, "Alma is not Mercer. She actually cares about us as People."

"She left us."

"She thought we were gone."

He steps closer until he's nearly pressed against your chest, his hands sliding up to gently grasp both sides of your face, entwined in your hair. His voice wavered, desperate eyes staring back into yours, "If it were me instead of her, I would've clawed through the rubble of TAP, and I would've looked forever. Un... until I knew for sure if I lost you or not."

You wanted to be touched by the statement, your heart fluttering in your chest while Nor could no doubt feel your heartbeat, pumping through his hands as they rested near both sides of your neck. You shake your head slightly, "That is different. What Alma feels for us is not the same as... as what you feel for me. For all of us."

He shivered, almost proud that you managed to admit your confidence in his feelings toward you. He leans his forehead against yours, breathing in the same air as you while he matches the intimate moment with a whisper, "Exactly. I can't trust Alma with my family. I can only trust myself or you to take care of the four of us, to ensure we stick together."

You wet your lips when they felt dry, deciding to play into his dream for a little bit, "Suppose we did run away... where would we go?"

'Wherever we want! All of us,' he wanted to say the same thing he told Teylan down by the campfire, but he says it differently with you, "Anywhere, far away from here."

"Just the four of us?"

"The four of us," he confirms with a nod, thinking that he had you convinced, "We'll start our own clan. We'll renew the Sarentu."

"And what will happen when the war eventually finds us?"

Your question drives Nor to freeze, and so you continue, "Either Mercer, RDA, or TAP, it won't matter. They'll find us. You know they will."

He unfroze finally, huffing with determination, "Then we will fight."

"But if we fight now, and we win, then we can leave and we will never have to worry about the Sky People again," your hands moved until they were wrapped around Nor's waist, a bold move to match his own, his fingers still wrapped up in the hair on the back of your neck,

"We would never have to keep running or look over our shoulders ever again," you continue, "If we can end this sooner than later, I will go with you. I'll go wherever you want. But... But I can't leave now knowing what the Sky People are capable of. I can't leave knowing that there would be another child out there whose clan was wiped out and I wasn't brave enough to stop it from happening. I would never forgive myself."

Your words stun him into silence, and the intensity of his gaze causes you to feel shy and embarrassed, lowering your head to avoid him until his hands pause your movement. He gently uses his thumbs to push your chin to tilt back up, and when your eyes meet, he pauses for a moment, his intense eyes scanning your expression before his lips twitch up into a small, fond smile, "Heh."

"What?" You tilt your head, hesitant but smiling as well.

"Nothing. It's just... Aha'ri would be proud of you."

He says it so confidently that you know you believe him, and his words make your heart swell with pride and grief, missing your sister. Nor leans back and digs in the pocket of his pants, "I have something for you."

"What is it?"

He provides a carved stone, bearing the mark you both have on your face to signify your long-lost clan, "It's something to remind you of me, whenever you leave HQ and I cannot follow you. It's also a promise."

"What promise?"

"That if I ever leave, it will only be when you are ready to come with me," he leans back into your space, pressing your foreheads together once more as he closes his eyes, taking in your scent, "This time, my love, I go wherever you go."

You clutch the stone in your hand, wanting the carved mark to brand into your skin as you close your eyes as well. You already plan to tie Nor's stone into the songcord So'lek had given you, and you hope that in time, the songcord will grow, and there will be many more milestones to signify. Milestones that you hope that Nor and your friends will share with you, as Sarentu and as your family.

MASTERLIST

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[icey--stars]

Hey I saw in your bio that your requests are open? Pls ignore if they aren't 🙏🏼 but I had this idea for Azris, and as the queen of Azris angst, I knew I had to at least share it with you

So I've been watching the Shadowhunters show (idk if you've seen it) but basically there's this seen where Jace gets possessed by some spirit thing and starts attacking his best friend, Alec. And they have a whole fight scene and it ends with Jace stabbing Alec with an arrow. All the while the ghost thing is talking THROUGH Jace and saying stuff like "Your boy's in there, screaming, begging me not to do this." And Alec is all like "it's ok, it's not your fault.". (I would highly recommend searching that scene up, it's the best angst inspo and I'm horrible at explaining)

Anyways imagine that buttt...AZRIS!!! What if after they are officially mated and everything, running their court, a new threat emerges that basically possess Eris who then attacks Azriel, maybe he stabs him, maybe there's a bit of burning involved (pls I'm sorry I know it sounds fucked up, but I love a good angst)

And then when Eris gets rid of whatever is controlling, how would they heal from that, like move on and stuff cuz I can imagine Eris would be feeling hella guilty and Az would want to forgive him but still be shaken up himself too...

Anyways if you do decide to write you can change it up as you like, I know whatever you come up with will be AMAZINGGG

You Would Never Hurt Me

Azriel is at a weekly family dinner when suddenly his bond with Eris alerts him to danger. What will happen when he realizes his mate is being controlled by another? What lengths will he go to? - 5.3k words of emotional pain.

Author's Note: Queen of Azris Angst? we sure? y'know what... i'll take it XD. I took a few creative liberties, but actually not too many... but I hope you enjoy :D

ouch my soul hurts. genuinely hurt me to write this but it just hurt so good. Also, I did end up changing the part about Az hesitating to forgive him because he was shaken up purely because the situation was so much more angsty with Az desperately trying to convince Eris everything is okay.

TW: Depictions of violence, mentions of blood, SEVERE burns, Azriel’s canon backstory, mind control trope, descriptions of severe injuries

also this was not edited very much. apologies for any mistakes!

{ ao3 link } { Part 2 } { Part 3 }

↢ 『 ☾ 』 ↣

The newest threat to Prythian had been biding their time for a while. Azriel wasn’t going to lie that he was nervous. He and his spies in both courts he had close connections to had been unable to find anything of use. The only thing that they seemed to know was that this enemy was intelligent and not without power. They didn’t even know if it was a fae from the continent, Prythian or even Hybern. All reports had come up useless in the grander scheme of things.

“Az, if you keep that frown on your face, it might just become permanent,” Cassian teased. He’d gone to the weekly dinner at Velaris this week. This time, without Eris. Normally he’d come along, but Eris had decided he wanted to finish up some of the paperwork and work on training one of the newest ghost hound yearlings some more commands.

Azriel couldn’t help but feel tense over the matter since he knew he’d seen more signs of the enemy closer to the Autumn Court than anywhere else. It had his metaphorical hackles standing on end almost constantly.

Cassian nudged his shoulder with his knuckles. “Come on, Az,” his brother urged. “Relax a moment. I know you’d rather Eris be here, but he’s going to be just fine. He’s a damn High Lord of fire. I think he can manage a night without your shadows surrounding him.”

Azriel sighed, nodding in agreement. “Sorry, Cass,” He mused. “Something just feels off tonight.”

“How so?” Rhys questioned from across the table, still facing Nyx as he tried to bargain with the child over eating his greens.

Azriel shrugged. “The shadows are jittery. The darkness doesn’t bring comfort. Something is just off,” he replied.

Rhys hummed in acknowledgement. Feyre replied, “Is it about that threat?” She asked carefully. The bags under her eyes were evidence that the little Heir to the Night Court was still having trouble sleeping since his visit to the Illyrian camps.

“I’m not entirely sure. But I’ve seen more signs of them near the Autumn Court than anywhere else,” he admitted. “I wish we knew what they were capable of at the very least.”

“Whatever it is, Az, I’m sure we can handle it,” Rhys said, looking up toward him. “We’ve handled far worse than one crazed individual. But if you’re nervous and you’re not even going to eat what’s on your plate until you get back to your mate, none of us will fault you for leaving.”

Nesta nodded from where she sat beside Cassian, but she was also just playing with her foot with her fork. “That, or you can kidnap him and force him to attend dinner and book club,” Nesta mused, smirking as she glanced over at him.

Azriel scoffed in amusement. “I’m not so sure he’d appreciate that, Nes.”

Nesta chuckled. “No, but it’d make your sorry ass stop brooding for five minutes.”

Azriel rolled his eyes, turning away. He put his fork down. They weren’t wrong to say he couldn’t stomach food with this… itch of some sort bugging the hell out of him.

Suddenly, the bond twitched inside of him. Not a good twitch either.

Azriel sat up straight immediately, putting a hand to his chest when more emotions began flowing through. Worry. Confusion. Fear.

Azriel stood up as quickly as he could, shadows flaring out.

“Azriel,” Rhys mused from the table. “What’s wrong?”

“He’s in danger,” Azriel breathed.

Rhys immediately stood up. “In danger? Eris? The Lord of Fire?”

“Don’t make jokes, Rhys,” he begged, breathing a bit heavier. “Don’t follow me yet. The wards will stop you. Just… keep a tab on my mind. I have a feeling what this is. And it’s not a nightmare.”

Then he winnowed, feeling Rhys gently prod into his mind to stay as a presence just on the outside of his mind so he’d know what’s happening too.

Azriel followed the bond, sprinting as fast as possible through the Forest House until-

Eris was in his office.

But then something stopped. The bond stopped. Empty.

Azriel burst in, panting terribly as he spotted Eris standing at his desk.

“Eris?” He questioned hesitantly.

Eris turned around, but his eyes were distant. Azriel’s heart dropped like a stone when he heard emotionless words come out of his mate’s mouth. “Eris is not here, Illyrian mongrel.”

Azriel squared his shoulders, pressing his already glowing siphon to form his armor over his body. He crouched down imperceptibly. “Eris, this is not a funny joke.”

That was just his denial talking though. Eris had never called him an Illyrian mongrel.

“Oh, he doesn’t?” The male asked hauntingly. “Are you so sure? I know you can’t be… being a bastard and all.”

Something slammed into his mental walls and Azriel stumbled back just as Rhys seemed to reel back in his mind.

Azriel gritted his teeth, forcing his eyes open as he stared into Eris’s eyes, waiting for the familiar clarity to come back.

“You’re pathetic,” Eris snarked. “One measly hit and it almost took you down? Weak.”

Rhys seemed to be doing something akin to building a second wall from within his mind, battling off something. Azriel couldn’t spare any mental energy to figure out what it was.

“Eris… you need to come back,” He said, but it really came out more like pleading.

Flames sparked on Eris’s palms and Azriel couldn’t help his flinch. Though his mate had been helping him overcome his fear as of late, something… something felt wrong about this.

“Eris,” he warned, eyes drawn down to the fire unconsciously. “What are you doing?”

“My name is not Eris,” he hissed, stalking closer. A dagger summoned to Eris’s palm, the flame lighting up the dagger’s edges as if it was some glowing blade. If he hadn’t been so shocked over the loss of his bond and the fear for his mate, he would’ve thought it almost looked cool. But right now? It was downright terrifying.

The male leapt at him and Azriel raised up his arms in defense, dodging to the side with only a few centimeters to spare. He didn’t want to hurt Eris. That was on the forefront of his mind.

But what was he supposed to do when Eris was trying to hurt him?

“Eris,” he pleaded. “Come back to me.”

Eris chuckled, one of the ones reserved for the lords in the council when they were pissing him off. “You know, your mate is putting up quite the fight in here. He’s been trained against people like me, but clearly not like you and your little friend protecting you.”

Azriel spared the moment of suspension to ask Rhys: What’s happening? Who?

Daemati, was Rhys’s only response and it was said as if through gritted teeth.

Shit. Eris was being controlled by a daemati. And though he had faith in Rhys, he knew that the male didn’t have much practice in fighting his own kind.

Azriel’s shadows rose like asps preparing to strike above his shoulders, as if sensing that this was not their beloved mate. No. This was an enemy this time. But he couldn’t hurt what was his.

“Let him go,” Azriel snarled.

Eris put a finger to his chin, tilting his head as if considering the prospect before scoffing. “No.” Then Eris leapt at him again. Azriel hadn’t been prepared this time- too much in shock to truly focus. His shadows reached out to cover his mate’s wrists in a desperate attempt to try and return him back, but it didn’t stop the dagger from lodging itself deep in his shoulder and twisting.

Azriel couldn’t help the pained groan that escaped him. He flared his wings and pushed forward quickly, grabbing Eris’s shoulders and pushing the male back. Though they were of equal strength, Azriel was stronger physically if they really tested themselves.

But the daemati had control over Eris’s magic at that moment and Azriel couldn’t help his yelp when the flames suddenly engulfed his hands. He wanted to scream and run, to get into the sky and never return-

He couldn’t though. This was his mate.

Azriel felt tears dripping out of his eyes as he pushed Eris back against a wall. “Come back to me,” he begged brokenly while staring into Eris’s beautiful fire-colored eyes.

“Please,” he continued.

Keep him held there, Rhys demanded in his mind. And release your shields.

Azriel really didn’t have the mental capacity to question Rhys at this moment, so he simply obeyed. The other daemati swept in, but Rhys met it head-on. Another presence joined the battlefield too- a softer type of darkness. Feyre.

A headache was beginning to bloom behind his temples at all the action occurring in his mind. More than anything though, his hands burned. The daemati was more distracted so the flames were certainly not as hot as they could be, but it still hurt.

Talk to him, Feyre ordered sternly. Bring your mate out of the fire.

Azriel let out a choked sob, his wings flaring behind him as he pressed toward Eris and rested his forehead against his mate’s. “Eris,” he begged. “I know this isn’t you. Come back to me. I know you wouldn’t-”

He cut off with a groan as the flames burned hotter. His flesh might be melting off to be honest. But he couldn’t let him go. Not now. Not ever. Azriel let another sob tear out of his throat as he pressed desperately into Eris.

“Come back to me,” he pleaded brokenly. “This isn’t you, Eris. You’re my mate. You’re mine. And you would never hurt me.”

Let go now, Feyre yelled over whatever clashing was occurring on the battleground between their minds.

“I can’t,” Azriel sobbed. He couldn’t let Eris go. Not like this. Not now. He needed his mate to know he was there and he would forgive him.

Az, let him go before your hands melt off, Rhys snarled harshly.

Azriel sobbed and stumbled backward. Eris remained standing against the wall as Azriel curled his hands toward his chest, shadows curling around them quickly, providing a soothing cold touch to them.

He kept his eyes open, watching Eris and watching his eyes. There was a flicker of fire there. Just a flicker.

“Eris,” he said again. The eyes went distant again and he snarled at the daemati, hoping the bastard could hear him over all the clashing. “Let him go. Let my mate go. Let Eris go, you-”

He couldn’t come up with an insult that could encompass all the hate he felt toward the being at this moment.

The bond flickered and Azriel clutched his chest. That put an idea in his head and he immediately brought all the love he felt for the male in front of him and shoved it down the bond as forcefully as he could. As well as some determination he hoped Eris would interpret as ‘You’re better than it. Fight back. You’re mine.’

Eris suddenly collapsed against the wall, body slumping into the floor. Azriel rushed forward before his head could slam into it as well. He cradled the male in his lap, tears still pouring down his cheeks. Everything was too much and not enough. He needed Eris, and that was about the only thing he could interpret.

“Eris, Eris, Eris,” he began repeating, pushing the hair out of his mate’s face desperately even as his shadows reported the door slamming open and Rhys with Cassian came running in.

They tried to grab his arms and drag him away but he fought harshly. “No! Don’t make me leave him,” he begged them. He needed to know his mate would be alright.

“We’ll get him too, Az,” Cassian said, pulling even more. “Rhys will get him. Come on, before your hands-”

Azriel held onto Eris even more, not wanting to leave his mate alone and afraid. Even if he was unconscious now, he would wake up and feel regret over something that wasn’t even in his control. He knew he would. But Azriel needed to be there so he could comfort him.

“Azriel,” Rhysand commanded sharply. “Let him go. Go to Madja.”

He wanted to disobey the command so badly, but his strength gave out and Cassian scooped him up onto his feet. Rhys picked Eris up into his arms and then they were winnowing straight into Madja’s clinic. Someone must’ve warned her because she already had a bucket of cold water that Cassian forced his hands into.

“Stay still,” Cassian ordered when he tried to twist and see where Rhys was taking his mate. “You’ve got to cool your hands down,” He told him. “Eris is just fine. He’s going to get checked out by Madja. You are going to get healed before your hands scar even worse with more permanent damage. Do you realize your skin is melting off?”

“But Eris-” Azriel tried to protest.

“Do not make me order you again, Az!” Rhys called from the other room. He saw Feyre winnow in as well, running toward where Rhys was. And Azriel was stuck here, useless, with his hands in a goddamn bucket. He couldn’t even feel the pain in the wake of knowing his mate was hurt.

He sobbed through his teeth. This was worse than his brothers burning his hands. This was so much worse than even the worst injuries he’s sustained in war or his line of work.

Feyre suddenly came up to him and her gentle presence ghosted along the edges of his mind before soothing something he didn’t even realize was tearing him apart from the inside it seemed like. The headache eased slightly.

“Is he okay?” He asked, looking up at Feyre. She had the most caring expression on her face and he wanted it gone.

“Rhys is with him right now,” Feyre told him. “Madja is there too, but you’re the main concern right now. He’s only going to have mental wounds. But Rhys can fix it, don’t worry,” she added on quickly when his face dropped.

“How?” He asked. “That kind of-”

“We caught it early and Rhys saw what was damaged in the fight. It’s okay, Azriel. He’s going to be okay. Now we need to make sure your hands are going to be okay, alright? Breathe and keep that even head I know you have. Eris is okay.”

Azriel sighed and slumped against whatever was nearby in relief. It ended up being Cassian. He trusted Feyre. Eris was going to be okay. And that was the only thing that mattered.

“Come on, Az,” Cassian urged, holding him up gently while still keeping his hands dunked in the water. “Your panicking will not help him if he wakes up.”

Azriel breathed and his shadows came up to whisper assurances that Eris was in the other room on a bed with Rhys and Madja. Cared for. He forced his body to come back from whatever super-adrenaline state it had gotten itself into.

“That’s it,” Cassian encouraged. “That’s good, Az. Do you feel any pain yet?”

At the mention, yes. His hands burned and not in any sort of good way. He didn’t dare look into the water. He probably couldn’t anyway since it was bloody. That probably wasn’t a good sign. The stabbing in his shoulder hurt, but it was duller than his hands at the moment.

“Yes,” he gritted out, huffing out some breath to suck more in anew as the pain now took over his being.

“I’ll get Madja,” Feyre said.

“No-” He said. “Leave her with Eris. I’m okay.”

“Eris is unconscious and Rhys is fully capable of caring for him. I’ll go over there too to help. But you need healing.”

Azriel sighed, knowing this wasn’t something Feyre would allow so he gave up on the argument early. “Okay,” he breathed. “Make sure he’s alright. Please.”

Feyre left and Madja was walking in quickly. “Get your shadows to cover your own eyes,” She ordered. The shadows, not completely under his will at the moment, took initiative and covered his eyes while she pulled his hands out of the cold water. They were numb in some places and burning in others.

Madja let out a harsh breath. “Do not lift that blindfold,” she told him and then the burning returned tenfold and he knew she was pushing healing magic into his hands. Cassian kept him restrained even as he tried to keep screams from bubbling out of his throat.

Alas, he could only stop them for so long and they soon spilled out. He lost any and all breath in his lungs all too quickly. Probably a good thing. Cassian kept him in a firm hold which grounded him somewhat but it hurt.

When he was finally given a reprieve, he was halfway towards passing out. When the pain mostly receded to a harsh ache, he finally drew in breath and slumped back against Cassian with his eyes closed.

“Come on, Az,” Cassian encouraged. “Let’s get you over to Eris, alright? Madja will wrap your hands there.”

Azriel could barely spare a hum of acknowledgement before he was being manhandled to his feet and forced to walk on shaky knees with droopy eyelids. His shadows had dropped back down to his hands, covering them from sight. Maybe that was a good thing, he decided. As soon as he saw Eris, he tried reaching out for his mate, but Cassian slapped his arm down.

“You are not using your hands, Az. Sit your ass down,” Cassian ordered. His brother helped him get out of his armor and leathers so he was just in his undershirt and pants.

He was forced to sit on the stool nearby, but was allowed to scoot it as close as possible to Eris to lean down over the bed and rest his forehead against Eris’s skin, breathing his mate’s scent in. It calmed his nerves just enough for him to finally take a deep breath.

Madja came in and forced him to hold himself up for a few more minutes while she wrapped his hands in white bandages as well as his shoulder. Then he was allowed to rest. Rhys pulled away from Eris eventually and he perked up, looking at his brother.

“He’ll be alright,” Rhys assured him. “At most, he won’t remember the fight, which I’d say is a mercy.”

Azriel sighed in relief and rested his head back down into Eris’s now cold palm since he couldn’t hold it properly. There, he fell asleep.

–––––

Azriel didn’t know how much time passed when he awoke. His hands ached like none other and if he had to be honest: everything hurt. Apparently, almost having your mate be gone to mind control by a daemati gave you some really bad tension to deal with. Specifically in his shoulders which were always the hardest to get at. Impossible now because of the thick bandages on his hands. The stab felt as if it’d already healed over. Perks of Illyrian healing, he supposed.

He lifted his head from wherever he was laying and squinted when he looked to his left and saw an empty bed.

“Eris?” He said aloud, sitting up and glancing around more. Someone must’ve moved him to the bed. But where was his mate? Azriel needed to be with him.

Suddenly, a burst of calm exploded from his chest and Azriel gasped for breath, not even realizing he’d been holding it. The bond. Thank the fucking Cauldron it was back. It meant that Eris was awake and okay enough to not be… well, dying.

Azriel groaned as he stood up, flexing his wings out behind him as he stared down at his hands. For Madja to have wrapped them so much he couldn’t even move his wrists… he must’ve gotten burned quite badly, he deduced. But, priority number one was finding Eris.

He tugged on the bond once, slowly wandering out toward where Madja usually sat in her clinic.

Eris was beside her.

Azriel breathed deeply at last, relief coursing through his veins at the sight of his mate being awake and even having a conversation with Madja over something relating to some sort of bright orange plant that looked like fire. He stumbled his way over there as quickly as he could, wrapping his arms around Eris and pressing his nose into the junction of his neck and shoulder to breathe in his scent.

Eris, however, had frozen. And that sent ice barreling through Azriel. What had happened?

“Hi Az,” Eris said hesitantly.

Azriel pulled away immediately, coming around to see Eris from the front to try and discern what the problem was.

For some reason, he had a guilty look on his face. Not a joking one- no, it was similar to the one he had when he figured out he’d accidentally forgotten something in court which led to the death of some farmers. A broken sort of regret.

“Eris, what’s wrong?” Azriel asked, brows furrowed in concern. “What happened? Did someone do something before I woke up? I’ll kill them for you with or without my hands,” he said, rage already pooling in his heart at the thought of someone making his mate feel this sort of guilt.

“No, no, I’m fine,” Eris waved him off, averting his gaze to the ground. “Nobody did anything besides that damned daemati.”

“I’m already killing him,” Azriel said to try and assure his mate. “I’m going to find him, tear his head from his shoulders and put it on a pike. Give the body to the scavengers and the head can be a personal trophy until it decays.”

A small chuckle came out of his mate’s chest and Azriel warmed up considerably, glad he could at least get that out of Eris. A chuckle was a start.

“Come on, Eris,” Azriel said, bringing his bandaged hands up to cup Eris’s cheeks. “Tell me what’s wrong. I’m not blind.”

Eris sighed and then gently grabbed Azriel’s forearms to hold his hands up. “This is what’s wrong,” he pointed out as if it was obvious.

Azriel’s brows furrowed. Then he realized. “Eris, these are not your fault. These are that bastard’s fault.”

“It was my fire that burned you, Az,” Eris argued, releasing his hands and standing up.

Madja stood as well. “I’ll let you two talk this out. Let me know if someone starts dying,” she says as she walks out.

Azriel looked at Eris, checking him from top down for any injuries or other apparent signs of his emotions. Both males had tells even if they were masters at hiding away.

“It was your fire controlled by that bastard,” Azriel argued, pressing forward. He paused when Eris backed up, even more concerned. It’d been centuries since Eris had backed away from his comfort. 

“Eris,” he spoke softly. “I would’ve held you back even if my wings were burned off my shoulders. It is not your fault. Take away that guilt from your mind right fucking now. I could’ve let go the instant the daemati lit the flames, but guess what? I didn’t, did I?”

Eris looked sheepishly now and Azriel opened up his arms.

“It’s okay, Eris. You would never hurt me. I know that. You should already know that,” Azriel insisted. “My hands will heal in time. There’s a reason Madja is so esteemed as a healer. And I’m pretty sure she even got to the burns faster than the guards did when I was 8. The only reason I can speak about that night and not fear the flames is because of you.”

Eris now had tears running down his face and Azriel dared a step forward.

Eris didn’t move, but he didn’t come closer either. “I’m sorry,” Eris whispered, closing his eyes.

“You would never hurt me,” Azriel repeated.

“Your hands-”

“I don’t give a fucking shit about my hands,” Azriel cut him off. “I’d rather my entire arm be torn off than be in a world where you’re controlled by a daemati. Don’t you realize that? I would do anything to protect you. My hands being burned is the least of my worries.”

“Az, I still burned you. In the worst of places,” Eris argued.

“You did not burn me,” Azriel insisted. “You would never hurt me. Trust yourself on that, huh? Trust me on it at the very least.”

Eris choked on a sob and Azriel opened up his arms again. Finally, finally, his mate went stumbling into his comfort.

“I should have fought harder against his control,” Eris said, voice broken and muffled against Azriel’s shoulder. “I could have. But it was just so hard. It felt like everything in my mind had gone under ice, yet I could feel the heat escaping me. Burning you. I tried so hard and it didn’t work-“

“Shh…” Azriel hushed, holding Eris as tight as he could. “You did the best you could, Eris. The fact you even still remember the experience is a miracle in itself. Daemati can be very damaging. Can scratch memories. Rhys was able to repair them but I was so worried about you. You have no clue.”

Eris sobbed wetly into his shoulder and Azriel felt tears slipping down his own cheeks as well. He let his emotions flow freely over the bond. Eris’s were still a mix of guilt, but now it was more of a lost hopelessness than true guilt. More of a “I don’t know how to fix this” kind of look.

“There is nothing that you did wrong,” Azriel whispered. Eris hugged him tighter and he smiled, squeezing him back as well. His shadows were helping him give more force behind it since he was unable to use his hands and the damn plush of the bandages did not help.

“I don’t know what happened beyond the fact I burned you,” Eris admitted. “I was caught off guard since I was tired and waiting for you to come home. He just… snuck between my mental walls and latched on like a damn leech.”

“You need to rest more. Now that we know we’re dealing with a daemati, we need to keep mental shields sharp. But luckily we have some of the most powerful daemati on our side. It’s already two against one,” Azriel joked.

Eris chuckled and finally pulled away to meet Azriel’s eyes. “I’m going to help you heal your hands,” he declared. “I’ll help you with everything. Anything. Writing? Done. Massage or oil? Done.”

“If this is you trying to make up for a fake mistake, don’t,” Azriel said seriously.

“This is me helping my mate through an injury,” Eris replied, giving a small reassuring smile despite the obvious signs he’d been crying not even a few seconds ago.

“Good,” Azriel told him. “I’ll definitely take you up on the writing part. I’ve got to write down things about what happened. See if we can piece together clues. And maybe it’ll help you piece together your memory,” he added.

Eris nodded. “Anything,” he repeated.

“But first,” Azriel said, putting one bandaged hand up, “We’re going to bathe because we both stink.”

Eris couldn’t help the laugh that exploded from his chest and it made Azriel all the merrier. He loved making him laugh like this.

“Agreed,” his mate replied. “Maybe we should talk to Madja about the wrapping of your hands first?”

Azriel nodded in agreement. “Then a warm bath,” he added. “I may take you up on the massage you mentioned,” he joked. “My shoulders ache.”

“You were sleeping on a goddamn stool when I woke up,” Eris said, scoffing in amusement. “Of course your back is hurting, bat. You should have laid in the bed not even two feet away.”

“I needed to be close to you,” Azriel admitted. “I thought I wouldn’t sleep like the dead and be awake with you but…”

Eris chuckled. “You always sleep like the dead when your face is buried in my scent. Honestly, you shouldn’t have expected any differently.”

Azriel rolled his eyes. But the little banter also assured him that Eris was truly okay. At least for now, those thoughts of guilt had been warred against and lost.

Cassian came jogging in loudly suddenly and he sighed in relief when he spotted them. “Thank the fucking Cauldron you are both awake,” he panted. “Az? How are your hands?”

“Hurt, but they’re fine,” Azriel dismissed. “How bad were they?”

“You do not want to know,” Cassian replied.

“I would,” Eris spoke up. “After all, who knows how to heal burns better than the Fire Lord who deals them out?” He said. But luckily, his tone was lighthearted. No guilt to be seen. If there was, Azriel would’ve slapped the back of his head to reprimand those feelings.

Cassian hesitated, but then sighed. “Skin was practically melted off. Some parts were down to the bone. Bloody as hell,” he briefly described.

Azriel sucked in a breath, gazing down at his own hands. How had he not felt that? Apparently, his concern over Eris had been that powerful. Eris also seemed frozen in shock.

Cassian shrugged. “They looked better after Madja used all her healing magic on them. I think the only thing she was concerned about was the potential damage to your sense of touch, Az. Like, light touches.”

Azriel hummed in response. “It certainly wouldn’t be any different than the aftermath of my old injury,” he admitted. “Just takes a few years for it to return to normal.”

Cassian hummed. “Well, anyway, I was just coming here to check up on you,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his head.

“We’re fine,” Azriel assured his brother. After a moment of hesitation, he sighed and said, “Thank you, Cass. You kept a level head.”

Cassian scoffed. “Someone had to. You should’ve seen Rhys. He was practically catatonic with the mental battle. I’m surprised his or your head didn’t burst. Or Eris’s for that matter.”

Eris chuckled softly at that, but didn’t say anything. Azriel glanced at him before stretching his arms out best he could without the use of his hands. “Anyway, we’re off to get clean,” he declared.

“Tell Rhys the Autumn Court isn’t getting one of my brothers as ruler just yet,” Eris joked.

Cassian chuckled and nodded. “Don’t die,” he replied with a snicker before walking back where he came from. Wing beats told them that he’d actually left.

Madja was walking back in too. “While I’d rather keep your hands wrapped, Azriel, I do agree that you two need to bathe,” she explained. “I’ll unwrap them, but they’re going back on immediately after.”

The shadows floated towards her, some settling on the bandages of his hands as if in question to continue the order she gave them last time.

“I believe it will be alright if he sees his hands now, my friends,” Madja told them with a sweet smile. “Let’s get them unwrapped now.”

Barely fifteen minutes later, Azriel and Eris were sitting together in the bathtub, mostly just relaxing. Azriel pulled his hands up out of the lukewarm water (more strict instructions from Madja) to examine them. His old scars… were almost gone. As if burned or melted away. Instead, deep indents remained. His hands felt as if they had lost weight and he couldn’t move his fingers yet, but Madja had told him the muscles still needed time to realize they weren’t melted anymore.

Regardless, it looked odd. The skin was pulled tight. But something felt off about them.

Eris put a hand on his wrists to put his hands back in the water and draw his attention. “It’ll just take time,” Eris assured him.

“I don’t think I’ve heard of burns this bad,” Azriel admitted.

“I have,” Eris said. “Normally it took a few years, but they did eventually heal if they survived the initial burning.”

Azriel hummed. “Guess you’ll be doing the paperwork for a while,” he joked.

Eris scoffed, smiling. “Indeed I will,” he agreed.

↢ 『 ☾ 』 ↣

A/N: hope you enjoyed (and cried at least once because I SOBBED while writing this)

Tagged in all ACOTAR Stories: @bunnymallowo, @officiallyunofficialperson, @margssstuff, @rebloggiest-reblogger, @inpraizeof, @graciereads, @eos-princess, @bubybubsters, @fieldofdaisiies, @skyesayshi, @lilah-asteria,

Tagged in all Azriel Stories: @ladylokilaufeyson5, @marina468,

[deathbyoctopi]

Another year, another rec list with some of the best xuexiao I've read these last 12 months!! >w<

And like last year's rec list, this isn't either exhaustive or limited to fics posted in 2023. It's just the things I have found, which I liked, and want to spread the love about ^-^

Here's, in no particular order, my favourite xuexiao (and occasional songxuexiao) fics. Also, take a look down below for other mxtx or danmei pairings!

You're mine by twilightshards. This is a phenomenal oneshot where Xue Yang does not wait patiently to take revenge on Baixue temple, but rather follows the annoying daoshi out of Jinlintai as soon as he gets off the hook. He catches up with them a couple of nights later, only to find Xiao Xingchen in a... compromised position. While moaning Xue Yang's name.

The tamed by @fieri-sentio-et-excrucior. Last year I recommended the wonderful The Prisoner of Jinlintai fic, and now we got a sequel to that!!! Exciting stuff, very exciting... Xiao Xingchen saves Xue Yang from his botched execution and Song Lan is there raging at what he thinks is a psycho taking full advantage of his friend's kindness. Absolutely loved it!

蛇 - shé by shoujorei. A spectacular oviposition fic with blind snake hybrid Xiao Xingchen and enemy-posing-as-housemate Xue Yang, who really didn't know what he was volunteering for when he offered to "help" daozhang with his next heat. An absolute delight!

good lies go bad by istilfearkanna One of the Yi City what-if's I like so much, showing what would happen if Song Lan is successful in killing Xue Yang and, as per canon, vows not to tell his friend anything. So naturally you have Xiao Xingchen happy about his rekindled friendship, but also deeply worried about his missing friend... breaks my heart every time T-T (thx lionfish13 for the rec!!!)

Down in the black sea by @10holmes. A mermaid AU which has to be the sweetest Xue Yang /Xiao Xingchen tale I've seen in a while, with xxc being a revered merman saving the life of a handsome pirate... without realizing that is the infamous Xue Yang, mermaid hunter and slayer of plenty of his kinsmen!! But of course, they fall in love. It's downright adorable (and deliciously angst-inducing!) Also, the worldbuilding in this one is marvelous!

promises, promises by an anonymous author. Time travel fic!!! This one follows Song Lan trying to right the wrongs of his life in the easiest way possible: that is, to eliminate Xue Yang before he has the chance to hurt anyone else. Except... he gets distracted saving the life of a poor child with a mangled left hand. Still ongoing, and XXC isn't in the picture yet, but the new chapters are highly anticipated and the writing style is so, so, so good.

the non-con opition by the same anonymous author. How do I know? None of your business!! But the awesome writing style continues here, as well as the song lan/xue yang being brought together by fate is just as awesome. It promises to be songxuexiao eventually, for now it's a delightful soulmates/omegaverse with alpha!Song Lan in rut nonconning the hell out of a mysterious omega with a foul mouth.

Sant Xingchen i el drac by @ergbolli45 A little sweet adorable spin of a traditional legend very dear to my heart. It's winter, the Yi City crew are bored around their campfire, and A-Qing wants a story. So, Xue Yang offers to tell a tale from some exotic land on the west about a little princess, a brave knight and a fearsome dragon.

sticking their dick in crazy by Sectionladvivi. I'm not generally one for modern AUs, but this one is such a stupid and shameless pwp that it skyrocketed through my rankings XD SongXueXiao, and oddly enough, the crazy one alluded in the title isn't Xue Yang!! Delicious and filthy. No thoughts, just horn.

Priceless by @fieri-sentio-et-excrucior. Another modern AU!! but how can I resist, when this is Xue Yang breaking and entering happily married songxiao's domicile, who were getting ready for a very sexy night... and end up, Song Lan tied up and forced to watch the criminal fuck Xiao Xingchen senseless (and unaware it's not his husband the one in bed with him!). Evil and sexy, another wonderful fic by such a wonderful author <3

hands, reaching out by @neriine. A retelling of Yi City but with mutation-like special powers, making it especially interesting when it comes to xuexiao's backstory (song lan is also there, in the background) and the night hunts. It's sweet, sweet, Xue Yang as always a murder gremlin who thinks he has it all under control when the first thing that he doesn't know half-way about is his own feelings... Very well-written, and creative in its worldbuilding!

THIS lovely picture is not from a fic (well, not yet, unless I manage to do something cute with it >w<) but serves as an example of all the wonderful pic manips @wangxianswuji has made, which maybe it's cheating a bit for a fanfic rec post, but. They're just so good. Go check their profile and drool with me ^-^

and speaking of art, I can't not mention @wrathyforest's art done for the fic Now that I see you, particularly one of my favourite moments with Xiao Xingchen defending Xue Yang from an undesirable... this fic was in last year's rec list, and very deservingly so!

ANd now for the other ships!

Love of my life, don't hurt me by @foreheadkissesforzewu-jun This is a delightful and spectacularly cruel tale of unrequired love by a gallant cultivator spiriting his soulmate away. At least, that's what Wen Zhuliu sees it, when in fact this fic is him kidnapping and brutally assaulting Lan Xichen, while following the events of the Wen war and the sunshot campaign. Loved it, but PLEASE read the tags.

Jade pillar, bending like reed by awkwardrecline. dark jades (and dark!Lan Xichen in particular) are so so sooo very dear to my heart... this fic has it all, a tyrannical Lan clan leader who will abuse his power left right and center, a jealous didi who wants nothing but possessive love, so much smut everywhere... Cloud Recesses is never as sexy as when the jades are so unrestrained, I love it! ^-^

My future mommy's mistake by tenwudzvrs. Is this fic pretty much what many people consider nono kinks? mpreg, noncon, xue yang being an utter dick? and do I love it precisely because of it? XD pregnant Wei Wuxian goes home one evening but comes across a ruffian in a back alley, who does everything to him up to and including speaking with his husband through the phone while nailing him to the wall. Lan Zhan isn't happy. I am delighted.

What brother needs, brother gets by @foreheadkissesforzewu-jun. a modern AU jadecest pwp which... to be honest, it's pure oral fixation Lan Xichen going to his didi after he got dumped by some idiot and Lan Wangji doing the best he can to comfort him. It's ridiculously shameless and incredibly enjoyable, just to see these two come to the conclusion that the best course of action is to fuck each other!! XD Wei Ying will find a surprise when he gets back home from his travels and finds his husband has collected another husband...

furious love by @alipeeps. From Till the end of the moon, a very nasty and wonderfully in-canon insight on the disastrous marriage between Ye Xiwu (the original) and Tantai Jin. Let's just say she decides to take her marital rights to the extreme, and using the very same lust potion that originally landed her in that marriage to begin with! Tantai Jin is one of those characters that truly suffer beautifully, and suffer he does here!

a fire, made high and wild by @judiwench. A fic for Sleuth of Ming Dynasty, which is a series that wormed its way into my soul. Sui Zhou desperately searches Tang Fan (him, please, him, not his corpse) only to find him... less than good. I was seriously debating between this one and is the festering that kills a man by the same author, but... Agh, they are both amazing snippets at their obvious mutual love, and the trauma that brings it to light. Highly recommend the series and these fics!

a long sleepless night by @dying-redshirt-noises. This one is from Mysterious Lotus Casebook, a wonderful three-way pwp in the Girls' Mansion where Fang Duobing gets doused with sex pollen... of course, Li Lianhua wants to help, but there is not much he can do with his yang disfunction. How handy to have someone like a-Fei nearby to rail the young master, then!! It is sexy and wonderfully in-canon, and I'm all for it.

And I'm probably still forgetting a few fics, there is nowhere near enough jadecest here compared to what I know I have read and enjoyed... Shame on me again for forgetting to bookmark more often than not.

I'm a bit sad that I barely found any of this year's authors on tumblr (don't know if they don't have accounts here, or do under different usernames) so if anyone knows about them, repost bc I'd like to engage and give them my most sincere praise.

Also, I will say I purposefully avoided tgcf fics for fear of spoilers until I read the whole book, so... next year I'm surely filling this with hualian and such!! >w<

Finally, since we're at it, I just will get a bit of self-promotion with the 5 fics I liked most of what I wrote on this year. I'm IMMENSELY PROUD to have produced 36 fics in this year of our lord 2023 (3 per month!!! omfg!!) and while I can't claim favourites, these might be the ones I'm most proud of:

Some kind of dream. Xuexiao roleplaying after a night hunt, with some nice power dynamics, very mutually enthusiastic consensual non-con, and Xue Yang all but confessing that he is Xiao Xingchen's worse enemy... Smut and fluff, all in one. I do love the 3 year bliss in Yi City, and all the in-canon opportunities it offers!!!

Incensed nights. An INSANE endeavor for kinktober, with WangXian dreaming each night a different cozy, cruel, smutty or simply crack-y scenario. 31 fics for the price of one!! multiple pairings, I can't stress how much Lan Zhan dreams of his brother, or wei wuxian's mind follows other ships... Extremely happy with this one, and I nearly went crazy, seriously.

Shards of morning nights and forbidden kisses. My attempt at jadecest, niecest and omegaverse, all in one. ANd quite successful, might I say! Both clan leaders Lan and Nie want to find a way to claim and marry their respective omega didis, but something something clan rules forces them to play a delicate and sexy political game. It ends in a very nice orgy XD

A Comedy of Yi City Errors. This one, I'm particularly happy with the sheer amount of planning and interlocking plotpoints it has, with Song Lan coming across Xiao Xingchen, a-Qing and Xue Yang without even realizing. I'm told it is quite funny... And I like it very much >w<

...what did you call it again? the only one not mdzs in the list, this is for Till the end of the moon and it's yet again Tantai Jin suffering in his so beautiful way! It was done for an exchange, following the premise: take a canon even and make it worse. Do you think ttj had it bad in the series, with the servants mistreating him in Ye Manor? Ya have seen nuffin!!!

Once again, thanks for reading, thanks to all authors for writing, and let's have a wonderful 2024 full of fics and love!!!

[tarnishedsilverjewelry]

hope you’re doing well! I fell in love at first sight w your writing so I thought it was abt time to have my first req on this app XD

so I was thinkin abt a reader who’s been isekai’d into the MK1 universe from our reality (she’s a MK1 fan :D). She’s mostly recovered from her shock and has managed to convince Liu Kang (and Geras) of her origins with undeniable proofs like her knowledge of previous timelines and Kang’s role in this one. It’s her third night in this place and she’s having an ugly breakdown bc as much as she loves this universe and its ppl, she dearly misses her family and friends and believes she might’ve done them a grave injustice (she died a brave death tho) and even though she’s determined to train in kombat and help keep this timeline’s peace, she’s scared to let everyone down here as well.

I need Liu Kang basically being a parental figure for her and he comforts her as only he can bc only he can really understand her.  I hope this wasn’t too long of a read lol

thankies!

A shoulder to cry on

A/N: Almost called this ‘the father that stepped up’ tbh as a joke but I changed my mind last minute lol. ALSO THIS PROMT IS SO GOOD BY THE ELDER GODS

Warnings: Angst(?), also Fem!Reader so if you don’t like that don’t read it, and maybe ooc Liu Kang

Liu Kang was many things, God of Fire, Protector of Earthrealm, friend to many, and very very aware of his life before becoming a god.

Of course he’d had many nights to himself over the years, drunk and wailing pathetically about missing his friends, or nights where he couldn’t sleep because his life and battles faced before god-hood frightened him

So when a girl, about 12 appeared in a flash of light before himself and Geras while discussing the growing disruptions to his self proclaimed ‘era of peace’ ….yeah he wasn’t expecting that

When fighting positions were assumed you..surrendered saying ‘you’re a fire god I don’t stand much a chance with pepper spray’ a part of him was glad you were self aware, but still seemed over frightened and..giddy?

“Oh are we at the part where you find out Shang Tsung is back?” How the fuck did you know that? Pardon his French but you were the last person he’d expect to know. Mainly because he’d only just found out. “How do you know that?”

One very long and very intense fight interrogation later that revealed things he had thought nobody else knew (the blonde bob to be exact) he was convinced. That and your profound knowledge of what would happen.

You decided to not ‘spoil’ anything outright for fear of disrupting the timeline further, and as much as he wished to know what he could avoid, Liu Kang knew it would happen eventually. But your subtle hints to guide him through choices were appreciated greatly though

He allowed you to stay with him in his housing, but wanted you not to disturb the monks or his champions. You shrugged it off and asked if he had any books laying around.

Nothing seemed wrong with you to him. At first, at least. On the second night, he walked past your room to fetch a glass of water and saw you awake and rubbing your eyes sniffling. He asked about the next morning, you shrugged it off with an easy smile.

The third night however, was different. A strange had settled into his stomach, and left him unable to sleep. To soothe himself, he walked towards the kitchen to brew himself a glass of tea

On his short walk to the kitchen, he was met with the sounds of you crying. Walking into your room he saw you curled up on the bed sobbing into your hands. “Y/n? What troubles you?” He asked briskly walking over to your bed

Your dedication to kombat was inspiring and you learned quickly, and you were always the first to smile and offer someone help up (after the finally allowed you to train amount them). You managed to endear yourself to even the toughest warrior, and changed the course of his timeline as a whole

Your subtle hints of Bi hans possible betrayal allowed him to confront the Grandmaster and remind him of his duties and Shang Tsungs lying. You helped him and Geras put an early end to any disruptions to the ear of peace he had hand crafted

“Nothing..it’s nothing. I’m fine.” Liu Kang gave you a flat look and cupped your round face. Your eyes told him all he needed to know, and the quiver of your lips only solidified his worries.

The smooth lines of youth on your face and the way your eyes held such a tiredness concerned him. With a gentleness he hadn’t acted on before, he pulled you into his chest and rubbed your back. Almost instantly you started sobbing again.

“Tell me what troubles you, please. I can try to help.” Your sobs lessened and you muttered “My little brother had a soccer game yesterday. It was the last of the season and he-he was so excited for me to go. My friends wanted to go the craft store tomorrow. My grandma was going to teach us to knit. My parents anniversary party is in two weeks. My dog is about to start bite training. My cat was supposed to get out of surgery today. My sister finally got to buy a pet snake like she always wanted.” You listed between sobs and harsh breaths

Liu Kang continued to rub your back and you finally admitted “My friends and family..are all going ok without me. And I’m going to miss out on being apart of their lives because I don’t know when or how I’m going to get back. Life will go on without me. They will go on without me.”

Understanding flooded through him and all ways of comfort left him. “Oh Y/n..I understand better than most. When I first became a god, I felt honored by the mantle but then the eons began to pass and I was alone. The friends and family I’d built were worlds away. And unfortunately, this pain will linger. But you mustn’t let it consume you, because they will always have you in their hearts and you will always have them in your heart.” You nodded, closing your eyes tightly

The tears had stopped by now, but you still felt the great ache of hurt in your heart. “If we never get you back then you will always be welcomed here by me, no matter what. I will always try to help you when I can. I promise, you can always lean on me. Okay?” “Okay.” You mumbled, wrapping your arms around his torso. Smiling softly, Liu Kang settled you and himself in your bed. He covered you with the covers and watched over you with a fond smile as sleep overtook you

Liu Kang meant to leave you alone; but when he woke in your bed with you drooling on his arm he decided to just let you sleep. You were only a girl, who’d had an exhausting night and needed plenty of rest. After washing his hands and brushing his teeth and hair he started on breakfast for the both of you

[cherie-doll]

Cherie Cherie Cherie 🥺🥺 may I please request a Keegan x Assassin reader, enemies to lovers trope? It’s a huge brainrot rn and I don’t have a good way with words like you do 🥹

I was imagining like the reader receiving a request to assassinate Keegan because he is a brilliant sniper and she/he/they try to shimmy into his civilian life and once she gains his trust (or she believes that he trusted her enough) she orchestrates some ‘accidents’ but none of them worked. In the end she had to try and kill him during one of his mission and it can end in angst or wholesome whichever you please!! She definitely will grow a soft spot towards him during the process of getting to know him like (who doesn’t like Keegan the man’s so caring)😭😭

You can even like switch out some parts if you feel like they don’t make sense hehe. Thanks so much for writing and posting argh what would I do without you 😭😭💖💖

chant my name three times and i'll appear (jk XD) and thank YOU for these ideas, seriously. i rewrote this so many times omg

Keegan x Assassin!Reader (angst)

The flash of lobelia blue eyes was evident against the contrast of austere grey wall. You had found your target. "Keegan P. Russ" You recalled the name written at the top of the folder given to you. The information had been vague and rendered useless before shoving it into the paper shredder.

You're young, stupid and willing to do anything for money. That's how you ended up here and how you were treated. An expendable kid who would do anything for money. But you had reached dire circumstances. It's such a secret you keep.

Having already found out where he lived, sort-of figured out his routine while off-duty and the people he associated with, which weren't many to begin with, all you had to do was devise a plan. His information was not easy to collect as this was the first time he'd taken an interval in a long time. How you were ever supposed to take out a skilled soldier, a sniper at that too, you had no clue. This was certainly a first, your previous tasks involved less skilled targets; gang members, drug dealers and the occasional unfortunate passerby who happened to be there at the wrong moment and time.

Keegan with his savings bought a house, an attempt at a normal civilian life. You sought out a weakness, an entry, a quiet way to take him out. But every time you searched for him, you always found his eyes first. Your breath caught in your chest when you thought they'd found yours. Shady blue pools. Observing wouldn't do anything. The only way to find a weakness in him was to get closer.

Keegan who had no idea what to do with himself. Rest was all he wanted, but it didn't take long before he was restless. He found it within himself a growing emptiness; an uncomfortable silence. A stillness he always said was a luxury on base. Shouldn't he be thankful to be getting rest now? After all, to sulk all your primary physical needs like sleep and eating must be met before you can worry about anything else.

For a solid month you played it safe until one night you grew frustrated and through the torrential rain you walked up his steps. Keegan had been downing another bottle when he heard your knock. He blinked seeing you drenched, hair matted and sticking to the sides of your face, clothes heavy with rainwater and looking out of breath. Holding the door open, he must've stood there blinking for a moment deciphering whether you were real or he'd been imagining. Finally, snapping out of his daze he cleared his throat when you started speaking, your voice low, feigning timidity.

"I'm, sorry I've come to you in this...this, well my car broke down and, I... I haven't a place to stay."

He squinted, balancing himself by placing a hand on the door and leaning upon it. Drinking whilst mindlessly staring into the rain hadn't been a good idea.

"Right..." He said in a low voice, rather to himself more than to you. He stood straight again, focusing onto your face. "Want to come in?" He offered.

"Oh, I wouldn't want to intrude..."

"You look cold." He pointed out, leaning into your face.

When he leaned in you caught a whiff of alcohol in his breath. You considered apologizing and backing out, it'd look weird but there was a chance he wouldn't remember all the details or even question your actions. But you had already come and you were shivering.

"Well, if you insist." And he moved to let you enter. Upon entering the first thing you felt was that the air didn't change. Did he not have his heater on? Second thing you noticed when you walked further in were the amount of beer bottles on the living room floor by the couch.

"Shit, let me clean this mess up." He moved to collect the bottles from the floor but stopped shortly when you had reached down and picked up an unopened bottle. Popping open the bottle you brought it to your lips and took a long drink. He stood motionless watching you down it halfway before your lips parted from it. You hadn't had a drink in a while and you certainly missed the burn-like sensation the first sip brought.

"You get the good beer." You said, smiling a little to him. He snickered and motioned for you to sit on the couch. "I'll go turn on the heater. Make yourself comfortable."

You sat, contemplating getting the job done now. Keegan's defenses were low but he wasn't drunk either, he just looked tipsy.

Too soon, you thought.

You assumed he wouldn't remember most of that night but, on the contrary, what was most memorable for him was how refreshing it was to bask in your company. However simple and mundane was the evening it was the most at peace and content he'd ever been in a long time.

You drank together once a week on evenings, sometimes going out to eat, visiting bars or walking aimlessly through the streets. Keegan wouldn't particularly say you were friends, less lovers. The line was blurry but it was something best not labeled nor defined. You were thankful for this, it made your job easier. Detachment was something you ought to do soon, and this thought became pertinent in your mind. During those moments when you'd pause, observing his relaxed form, making your hand hesitate, twirling the knife in your palm and testing the pointy tip with your finger. How much would you even get paid to do this?

"I'm going away." He said one day.

"What do you mean?" Panic surged through your veins.

"I'm in the military. Got called to go back." A pause and a stretch of uncomfortable silence. "But I'll come back."

"When?"

His shoulders slouch. The only answer is silence. “I don’t know.” He stared up at you through his lashes as you stood up. He was dangerous when he looked at you like that.

You left without a word, before you could crack in front of him. His words had pierced through you reminding you of a life you don't have access to. How easy it was to forget your priorities, a simple thing you had with him. How he made you feel on top of the world; free of problems, of the need to survive. But you're not free to make those decisions, and until he's gone you can never find peace.

And Keegan had never felt the frightening thrill of a push and pull game that very much felt like Russian roulette. Never had he been afraid to plunge headfirst into reality, but this... this was the deadliest of games.

A hole in your heart still harbored a question; just what answer he'd give you might break it. And you came to this cruel, shattered reality as you observed Keegan focus on his sniper scope. His spotter unaware of you as you pulled the trigger.

"Maybe if the circumstances had been different." You whispered.

[b4mpyre-k1zz3s]

Hey! Could I request a fic with Bam where the reader is a female skater?

Maggot’s Kiss

Being apart of Tony Hawk’s skate team sounded like a dream to Y/N- that is, until she met Bam, and an innocent thing turns into something darker.

Bam Margera X Fem!Reader

(Fluff, Angst)

2.6k Words

Warnings: Enemies to lovers, jealousy, crude language, very suggestive content, bullying, hate makeouts, nudity, fake dating, flirting, accidental vouyerisim, injury, blood

An: Thank you so much for your request and happy new year!! I decided to combine my love of darker fics and slow burn to create this for your reading pleasure ;) I just love writing banter like what Bam and Y/N have in this fic hehe XD This fic was also inspired by this amazing fic (one of my favorite Jackass fics on this website) by @asskickedbygirl, so please go check her out!! According to one of my beta readers this is one of the steamiest things I have ever written, and that was just based off of the first three paragraphs, so do with that what you will! Anyways, thank you for sending in requests and please keep sending more!! I love to read them and I enjoy writing them even more :)

You hated him. His edgy, crazy, rich boy schtick made you almost embarrassed to be touring with him and the rest of Tony’s team, knowing that no matter what, the spotlight was always on him. It was never Team Adio or Team Element- it was Bam and Company. Every time you saw pre-teens fighting tooth and nail over who got his autograph first or when chicks threw themselves at his feet for a chance to be graced by the presence of his less than average dick (you see a lot being on the same tour bus for two months), you gagged a little. You were seemingly the only person in America that didn’t fall for Bam Margera’s bullshit. Maybe hate was an understatement.

It was the evening before some exhibition you were supposed to do in the parking lot of a mall that you were pondering all of this, seething quietly in the tiny tour bus bunk bed you were trying to get some shut eye in. Trying being the key word, seeing as you weren't very successful at it. Sighing, you wriggled out of your middle row bunk, carefully stepping down and stretching, the claustrophobic sleeping conditions doing nothing for your already not great posture. There was a row of leather seats in the back of the bus you and the guys would usually sit around and play cards in or watch TV when you were on the road that you made your way back to, feeling around in the pitch darkness as a strange chill struck you. The only thing you could see was the glowing, orange tip of a cigarette as you sat down, knowing exactly who it was.

“Close the damn window. S’freezing.” Mumbling, you crossed your legs, tucking your feet into the backs of your knees to warm yourself up. He chuckled, taking another drawl on his cigarette, the embers glowing intensely for a moment before he exhaled, “Might wanna think ‘bout wearin’ a bra ‘round here.” You could practically feel Bam’s eyes on you through the darkness. “I had no idea y’were so fascinated by my tits, Margera.” His last name came out of your mouth like it pained you to say it, acrid on your tongue. Scoffing, you cooed with faux sweetness, sliding closer to him and whispering in his ear, “I-I mean, if you really wanted, y’could give ‘em a feel…” Two can play at that game. Bam found your jab funny, laughing bitterly as he playfully shoved you away, “Oh, no way in hell am I touchin’ you.”

So after a few minutes of small talk, you went back to bed, and so did he, but that exchange didn’t leave your mind. There wasn't an atom in your body that wanted to be felt up by Bam of all people, but you were still pissed that he wrote you off that fast. You saw the girls he took to the bathroom of the tour bus every night and they had nothing on you. Then there was the matter of why he was staring at your tits in the first place. Was he checking you out? Something hot bubbled in your stomach that you were sure was hate at the thought of that. God, it was too late to be thinking like this, you thought, pushing it from your mind and burrowing deeper into your sheets as you tried to get some sleep.

You felt like shit the next day, but the show must go on, three hours of sleep or not. Thankfully, the bus stopped at a Love’s truck stop on the way there- you would be surviving on a gas station coffee and a prayer. Everyone filtered out of the bus, buying snacks and toiletries or whatever they needed. That left you, lingering by the trucker showers with Mike Valley. You split a bag of Hostess Donettes while he waited for his turn, discussing some fight he got into at the bar last night. Smiling, you licked the powdered sugar off of your fingers and joked about it being the breakfast of champions. He laughed, but just as you looked back up from the now empty bag, your eye caught something.

Perfect fucking timing. The door to the men’s swung open at just the right moment for you to see Bam in all his naked glory, thankfully only from behind. It wasn’t rare for you to see him shirtless, especially when you were skating together in the heat of touring season, but you only just now realized how muscular his back was. His tan skin had contours like a bronze sculpture, shitty black fleur de lis tattoos winding down his sides as he toweled away the last glistening remnants of his shower. Before your eyes reached his ass you tore your gaze away, gagging in mock disgust, crumpling up the empty bag and throwing it in the trash.

There was this weird look in Bam’s eye as he handed off the shower key to Tim, taking his place next to you on the beige wall as he pulled his shirt over his head, “You got a little something there.” He gestured to the side of your face and you licked off the remaining powered sugar, cracking a smile as you mumbled, “Oh, fuck off.” Bam held his hands up in mock surrender as you could hear the shower turn on in the other room, the only noise in the otherwise silent hallway, “Hey, no need t’get all defensive! I mean,“ You could feel his long, half-wet hair dangle on your forehead as he leaned in closer, his voice teasing as he reached down to do up his belt, “especially with how you were pervin’ on me in the showers. I’d say you owe me an apology.”

You turned to him, glaring at his stupid grinning face under the fluorescent lights, “First of all, it was an accident. Second of all, I can barely stand the sight of your naked ass without hurling!” He just snickered at your joke that wasn’t even all that untrue as you rolled your eyes to keep them from lingering on the heartagram splayed out on his lower stomach, “And pull your damn pants up. Hope you bust your ass out there today.” Bam shrugged, walking down the skinny hallway, “Sure. Don’t break a nail out there, sweetheart.” That just left you, watching him leave.

The next time you saw pretty boy was under the signing tent, a respite from the blazing sun and asphalt. Your seat just had to be next to Bam, all sweaty and glistening from skating yet somehow not looking as gross as some of the other guys did. MTV star magic, you guessed. You were wondering why the hell you needed to do skate exhibitions in the ass crack of summer when some nerdy looking teen girl handed you a board to sign. Sure, you weren't Tony or Bam, who each had a line of their own nearly twice the size of the rest of the team’s, but you were generally pretty popular. The girl with the glasses was all smiles, leaning in close to you like she was going to ask you something secret, “Hey, I read somewhere that you and Bam, uh- that you had a thing together. Is that really true?”

Bam, who was sitting next to you and well within earshot, scoffed, leaning over with a sneer as you scrawled silver sharpie onto the board, “I’d rather tongue a maggot than Y/N.” You scoffed as you popped the cap back on the pen, “Yeah, the only maggot here’s that thing in your pants.” It was then, as you turned back to the fan who was awkwardly standing there, watching your little lover’s quarrel go down, that you got an idea. A malicious grin spread across your lips as you handed the signed board back to her, “But if you were wondering, I am dating Tim O’Connor. Thanks for being a fan!”

God, if you could see Bam’s face. As much as it pained you to not look over at him, you didn’t, knowing it would be impossible to keep a straight face seeing him all slack jawed. The best part of it was you weren’t dating him- well, not yet, but you didn’t even need to for what you had in mind. Hell, knowing Tim, he’d be game for fucking with Bam any day of the week, even if it mean having to hug and kiss and pretend flirt from time to time. This was the ultimate way to get back at Bam for fucking with you for so long, you thought- your ace in the hole.

You told Tim your plan and he was more than eager to get in on it. You would come up with ideas on the fly whenever you knew Bam was watching, whether it was having you wear one of his shirts on the bus or you giggling when he messed up your hair while you stopped for food on the road, or even the night you shared a bunk- one of your favorites, especially with how pissy Bam looked as he angrily slid the curtain closed on his bed when he saw the two of you. Basically anything you would see in a cheesy romance movie, you did.

But if you thought Bam was a childish asshole before, you had no idea how much worse he could get. No matter where you were, he always seemed to have his eyes on you, glaring under heavy lids across the room. Even though he was still performing well, off the ramps he was this little ball of rage, quietly observing with raised hackles. Gone were the pranks with the team and the playful banter between the two of you. Bam was a tyrant before and even more so now, only a little quieter. He avoided you like the plague, so the only form of communication between the two of you was the sporadic spitting of insults at one another just short of an argument- he’d say something about your appearance, you’d jab at some trick he messed up, and then he’d tell you to fuck off.

His behavior became so uncharacteristic that, at one point, Tony, who was often the only voice of reason, tried to take him to an urgent care because he was obviously sick. Yeah, maybe that’d be a good idea, you thought, a medical professional would probably know how to get that stick out of his ass. No, not in the slightest did you care that you hurt Bammy Boy’s precious little feelings. He was a jerk to everybody, you thought, so he deserved it. It was only after a few weeks of this charade that you started to wonder why the hell he was being such a baby about all this. Bam just seemed to radiate jealousy, especially towards Tim, but there was no way that was the case. It sounded like something straight out of third grade- that boys are mean to girls they like. But, knowing Bam, you couldn’t write that off immediately.

All this tension kept building for a while until it reached a fever pitch. The team had an off day so you all decided to stop by a skate park late in the day to kick back and chill for a few hours before you needed to get back on the road again. The chance to bust out a few tricks without the judging eyes of thousands was a breath of fresh air and everyone was all excited as they filtered out of the bus onto the concrete- that is, everyone except Bam. The little prince of darkness shot you a scowl before he ran off to the bowl with the rest of the guys while you ran off on your own. You were on the mini ramp, enjoying some rare alone time while doing a few simple tricks and thinking about how you could probably run to the Wendy’s across the street to get dinner- one of those baked potatoes would really hit the spot. It was in the midst of that thoughtful silence when you were poised on the coping in a nose stall that the clatter of a board slamming against the ground behind you hit your ears.

You were startled and, turning towards the sound, you felt the ground slip out from under you as you shifted your weight ever so slightly. The world seemed to freeze for a moment as you plummeted to the ground, landing square on the lip with a blunt packing noise, busting your cheek open. The air was knocked out of your lungs as a choked gasp escaped you, reaching up to grasp the raw skin pounded flat against your throbbing cheek bone. Your vision was a blur of orange from the setting sun as you wrenched your eyes open, tilting your head up towards the source of the shadow that looked over you.

“Nice spill.” Struggling to your feet, Bam didn’t even offer to help you, just standing there with his hands in his pockets, watching. Something red hit the concrete when you spit, rubbing off some of the hot liquid from your cheek as your gaze met his, “The fuck’s your problem?” Coughing, your voice was rough, words punctuated by heavy breath as you continued, “You’ve been all pissy for weeks, man. What’s goin’ on?” There was an edge to his voice but he still sounded calm as he reached into his pocket for his pack of Marlboro Lights, still not making eye contact, “Maybe I don’t like seein’ you and Tim eatin’ each others faces- ever thought about that?”

Snatching the cigarette from his fingers, his fingernails painted in that stupid black nail polish he always wore, you growled, “Is that it? Really?” You got all in his angry little face, close enough you could smell the shitty cologne he wore to impress chicks that always made you gag. MTV fuckin pretty boy, always looking his best. Your voice dropped low, murmuring close to his skin, “Maybe you’re just jealous’a him. That he gets to have me and you don’t.” Bam finally met your gaze, staring at you with newfound intensity as the lines between teasing and flirting blurred. He spoke through gritted teeth as he glared down at you bitterly, “Oh yeah? Yeah? You think I can’t fuckin’ have you?” You said nothing, defiant.

Time stood still, but in a second, he was on you. Bam’s hands seized you, tugging you impossibly close to him as his calloused palms traveled up and down your body possessively. It was like something snapped inside of him that was holding him back. You could feel the muscles under his clothes flex as your breath hitched, one of his hands tangling in your hair and pulling you closer. Bam kissed like a starved man, his tongue moving against yours in a lecherous mess of teeth and spit and a little blood on your part. The air swam with a mix of rage and lust as you pulled away from each other after what felt like an hour, catching your breath. Your eyelids fluttered as a weak smile spread across your kiss-sore lips. Whispering under your breath, you leaned your forehead against his, “Holy shit…”

Glancing down at the cigarette still in your hands, you slipped it between your teeth, looking back at him, “Gotta light?”

[maximwtf]

readder takes a bullet for izzy. need this fic asap. omfg. did u want finale yet???

Izzy x Reader

words: 1700

google docs pages: 3

warnings: ! S2E8 Spoilers (Kinda?) ! Gunshot wound, mentions of smoking and drinking, blood, death

opening: Ricky turns to fire his pistol and run, but you saw it coming and push Izzy out of the way. 

AN// Reader can be any gender! I can’t even lie, my angst loving heart was highkey excited for this one XD Thank you for the request, I love writing stuff like this !! This shall also heal my soul after watching ep8, I’m still a mess from it waaa

 “I’ll wait for you”

The long ferns dragged along the freshly stolen British navy coat as you made your way towards the shore with the rest of the crew. Your palm was around the handle of your sword, still convinced that this was a clear suicide mission. There seemed to be absolutely no chance for the whole crew to make it alive all the way to the ship and to make an escape. The Republic of Pirates was swarming with British soldiers, every corner being watched and checked actively. Though, you weren’t going to try and stay here either. You’d rather die as a pirate than get captured and be hung by the British. 

Izzy marched a little ahead of you with Ricky. You weren’t sure why he had been put in charge of the man, but there was no use in asking for him to hand over the job to you. He was still the first mate, and as loyal as he was he continued on with his duties. You weren’t scared for his sake, he was most certainly a more skilled fighter and a sailor than you were. But there was always the what if, at the back of your mind. As far as you knew, the whole area was surrounded by British soldiers. Each and every time you’d peeked to take a fast look, at least three men stood near with their guns. So the odds of one of them spotting the group and shooting weren’t nonexistent. 

Blackbeard and Izzy had a long history together, but so did you and him. From what you’d talked with Izzy, you’d joined the crew only a short time after him. The man wasn’t even the first mate just yet, which was one of the reasons why you’d dared to start chatting with him in the first place. By God, you wouldn’t have started hitting up someone in a much higher position in the crew just after joining. But there had started your decades long, complicated relationship. He’d always been a little snappish, and that had only amplified once he was given the position as first mate. But every time you’d been with him at the sidelines where he usually spent his time, he was just slightly different. He was the same man, but like there was less of a wall he had to keep up. So because he was seemingly comfortable with you around, you sometimes spent time with him. Share cigarettes, watched him carve figures out of small pieces of wood, whatever he was doing. Sometimes there were no words, just silent companionship. At times the air felt tense, and at some point that wasn’t just an itch you had sometimes. There was real tension, but neither of you addressed it. All the way up until you’d sat down to drink a bottle or two of rum with him. There were not many memories of said night, just one of the tension breaking kiss you’d shared with him. And of course the morning after, and the days that followed. The silence that suggested the both of you being at loss of what to do next. 

Your eyes focused on the soldiers in front of you, listening to Ricky speak to them as he’d been told to before. So far the plan was going as intended, but that wouldn’t last for much longer. The prince swung around, alerted the soldiers that the group he was with were pirates and pulled out his pistol. Your eyes widened and without more than a second to think you pushed the man next to you. There wasn’t time to check if he'd landed okay, since that hadn’t been a part of your plan, only to get him out of the bullet’s way. You heard the thud as he fell over, and soon after followed one of the most agonizing pain you could have imagined. The bullet must have hit you instead. There was no time to properly locate where it had hit, but you didn’t have to just yet. As long as you could somewhat walk, that was enough, since after you’d made it to the ship you could take a look at the damage. 

The rest of the unit had heard the gunshot and were hurrying to the scene. You reached out and offered a hand for Izzy, the other hand holding the spot you could see blood seeping through. He took a hold of your hand, noticing that something was clearly wrong. You could see his mouth open slightly, but before he was able to question you, you let go of his hand and pushed him forward by his back. “Fuck off, go!” You growled, eyes scanning the area for the easiest way out. 

The walk to the shore was a blur. You could tell you were stumbling, even the smallest of rocks getting in your way. Izzy was walking in front of you, but you could tell he was stalling more than a person running for their life would. “Did I not tell you to go?” You snarled a little at the stinging pain, now more obvious that it was coming from somewhere deep near your side. You wished he would have just followed the others, gotten away faster. But this brand new version of him wouldn’t do that to you, to anyone from the crew for that matter. You’d been proud of him through his change, but this was not the time for him to care about you. “Come on, I’m not leaving you here.” He paused enough to get you closer to him, and hoisted you up a little by your arm. “Fuck you.” You cursed, trying to walk a little faster now that he was helping you. 

The boat ride felt like forever, and as each of the waves hit the boat the stings of pain just felt worse and worse. You felt light headed and even without noticing you leaned on Izzy just a little more for support. He stiffened up, but kept you in place so you wouldn’t accidentally lean over the edge. You could have sworn you felt his thumb repetitively go over your forearm, as if to keep some sense in the moment .

Izzy got out of the boats first, and with the help of the others he got your form on the main deck. The first mate tore off his coat, laying it flat on the wooden deck before leaning your head over his lap. You could feel cold sweat creep onto your forehead and back, breaths shallow and quick. It was only now setting in what had happened, but you tried to bite back the feelings of panic. You felt Izzy tap your cheek, making your eyes land on his face. Some dirt had stuck to his face from the fall he’d taken because of you, you thought to yourself. “Come on, stay awake.” Izzy said, his voice a little shaken, but the same old commanding tone somewhere in there. “Oh, you’ll be fine, you carouser.” A groan left your throat, making you close your eyes for a moment. You didn’t feel like opening them after, but you did. You did when Izzy’s hand made contact with your cheek again. 

Before this you’d thought of the crew members watching. You’d noticed they were around Izzy, some of them hurrying to get anything to help. Though, you knew this was the day you’d feed the fish. Izzy’s expression looked tight. Like he wanted to cry, but tried not to for your sake. He was hunched over your form as his eyes watered. “Aye, now. Don’t hang the jib. You’ll be fine.” You tried to reassure him. He’d changed so much, gotten to see how much the crew actually cared about him. He’d be just fine even if you weren’t there with him to stand at the sidelines. Only if he could see that as well. “You don’t do this now, ye fucking hear me?” He said, brows furrowed. You looked at him, his eyes. He looked oddly blurry, your head was spinning from the lost blood. Though, you didn’t mention it to him. “I’m not going anywhere.” You grit your teeth, finding breathing a lot harder than it had been before. You wanted to go, if that meant the struggle would finally end. “But even if I did, I’d be leaving you with the…best possible people.”

Your gaze stayed on Izzy, trying to follow his lips in case you missed something he said. But he was silent, like he was holding back something. The first mate swallowed uncomfortably, leaning over carefully, just to hide his words from anyone else. “You need to tell me if you-” He started, but that was enough. A faint smile appeared on your face. “Of course I fucking love you.” You said, for his sake silently, but you didn’t find it in you to speak any louder anymore. Izzy froze for a moment, some tension leaving his shoulders as he nodded. It was subtle, but as long as you’d known him you’d learned to find even the most minimalistic emotions from his face. His jaw trembled, but his mouth opened and he silently replied; “I love you.” Which was enough for you, more than so. But at that moment, you hoped those words would have been said earlier. Then maybe, just maybe everything could have been different. “I’ll wait for you.” You said, the struggle starting to feel better, like it was coming to an end. Izzy’s face blurred into a soft darkness, which slowly became the only thing still holding you. 

AN// Requests for Izzy are open, I love writing for him ahhh >:(

[mercars-musings]

20 questions for fanfiction writers

Hewwo!!! TYSM to the lovely @sunny374940 & @andthekitchensinkao3 for tagging me in this!!! ;0; I appreciate youse so much ! <3 Answers under the cut ! <3

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

Only 8 so far! My disabilities can stop me from writing as much as I'd like to sadly but I hope to get at least 1 out a month from here on out!

2) What's your total AO3 word count?

Apparently: 20,635 ! I didn't actually expect it to be that much lmfao

3) What are your top five fics by kudos?

Would You Fall In Love With Me Again? - Emrook Angst / Comfort: After trying to claw his way out of the fade for the past 7 years, Rook is pulled back into Thedas only to be confronted by the fact that time passes differently outside of the Fade. {Ft. Fade Prison Trauma Nightmares!}

2. Market Memories - Emrook Angst / Comfort: Rook takes Emmrich to a small market nearby where Rook grew up, however shit hits the fan when they run into someone from Rooks past. that he'd rather forget.

3. Trust & Fish Sticks - Fluffy Sad That heavily features Emrook: This is a short sad & fluffy piece I wrote on Rook Mercar taming & adopting the angry dog that keeps barking outside of the dog crates in Dock Town.

4. Gone Too Soon - A short sad hurt/comfort piece I wrote on Rook Grieving the loss of a friend {Post Cage for Gods - Davrin}. Funny how my fave pieces are all the most popular haha, I need to trust my gut more it seems!

4) What fandoms do you write for?

I only write for Dragon Age atm! I am heavily influenced by Epic the Musical so who knows maybe I'll do some Epic Fanfic in the future! Or something else, I DAV tore me out of a like several year writers block so I'm just taking what comes inspo wise atm!

5) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Omg ofc! The comments always give me a huge inspirational boost and is honestly a large reason I've managed to write more after the first piece! Checking my comments & kudos is one of my favourite things to do honestly - it's the least I can do to respond once I see them!

6) What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Okay so, most of my endings are all fluffy lmfao. I START with angst and then let the boys comfort eachother by the end! Though I guess the one that would class is "Gone Too Soon" since it leaves both Emmrich and Rook still heavily grieving Davrin. This fic was so hard to write it made me so sad :<

7) What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

"Trust & Fish Sticks" for sure!!! Manfred and Doggo are besties, Doggo gets to be part of a loving family, the events of Veilguard are over & Rook & Emmrich have a very fun night ahead of them! ;)

8) Do you get hate on fics?

Thankfully no & I hope I never do! I still can't fathom that some people are that cruel honestly :<

9) Do you write smut?

I *used to* back when I was writing fic years ago, but that was a different fandom & my comfort with sex has evolved over the years as I've realised I'm like a sex neutral GrayAce lmfao. Shit doesn't cross my mind 90% of the time XD

10) Do you write crossovers?

I *used to* not since I returned to fanfic though!

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't *think* so? I certain hope not!

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not to my knowledge!

13) Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Nah, maybe at some point in the future though! Guess it depends on how my latest fanfic journey goes in future! :3

14) What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Oh shit why would you ask me thiiiiiis!!! ;0; /lh I think ATM it's definitely Emrook BUT I've had so many in the past honestly!

15) What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I WILL finish it I promise, I'm desperate too ;0; Anyway it's a fic that goes through My Rook Mercars 7 years stuck in the fade. There will be 7 chapters - 5 with each one being an exploration of 1 of the 5 Stages of Grief & how it relates to Az's time in The Prison. Then the last 2 chapters exploring some of the after effects that I haven't covered in prev fics yet! :3

16) What are your writing strengths?

I hear I'm great at making people suffer asdfgjkl; On a serious note I think I'm really good at editing? Honestly proof reading & editing is when I get most of my better work in fics done imo! My works usually AWFUL till then haha

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

Actually getting shit STARTED!!! I struggle to actually put fingies to keyboard and start the process more often than not. Once I've started though I can lose myself in the flow and shit becomes a lot easier! Oh and punctuation for sure. I like weird sentence structure I'm sure I'd be stripped of my Degree if any of my old writing proffs saw me now lmfao

18) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

I have never tried it, though I can barely manage writing in my own language in general SO I think I'll stick to that lmfao.

19) First fandom you wrote for?

Tim Burtons Alice & Wonderland! I'll actually go further: My next were Charlie McDonald x Matt Smith's Dr Who; BBC's Sherlock & then CW's Supernatural asdfghjkl. Yes I was a SuperWhoLockian & YouTuber Obsessed Child, try not to bully me too hard lmfao

20) Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

It's definitely "Would You Fall In Love With Me Again?" I went into some sort of wild trance and it suddenly existed. I barely had to edit it for once & it is 2 of my current special interests {DAV & Epic The Musical} so likeeeee lmfao

Here's some no pressure taggies! @hyperions-light ; @ofcrowsanddragons ; @taashyvashedan ; @thedissonantverses ; @caughtnyact ; @fangbangerghoul ; @redheadsramblings ; @basedonconjecture

[stalkyarsen-ebook]

Okay, what headcanons do you have for Yamato (◕‿◕✿) I'm very interested

*gremlin mode activated* GOSH MY FAVOURITE CHARACTER ?! WHAT KIND OF HC I HAVE FOR HIM XDDDDD

Obviously all the angst that comes with it ! If there is one curse for every character I love is that they're gonna suffer XD Let's make a list for him :

When Konkuzan attacked his family, it was Yuuhime who saved Yamato from the music box's control by interfering.

When he was under Konkuzan, being abused, every part of his life was controlled by him, it was so difficult for him to have a say in something he eventually gave up at one point, hence why it took him and Yuuhime so long to rebel. I might add he was physically abused.

Lying became a survival tool that he became a great actor because of it. His smile can seem sincere but it a fake one that was plastered on his face, a façade.

He is a sociopath. I have my reasoning for that but developping it here might take too long.

Once he broke free of Konkuzan by plotting his murder, he became aloof and did lots of stupid things like drinking until he throw up, spending too much money on things that interested just a bit, and basically partying all night and more. He eventually stops because of his active double life but there is still traces of that episode.

He has a phobia for bathrooms. He only uses it for showers and doesn't stay too long there. (He brushes his teeth in the kitchen and has a dressing table in his bedroom.)

Him and Yuuhime are starting to argue over everything, and rightfully so in Yuuhime's case.

His goal is to keep the status quo as it is. If changes were to happen, it would be in his benefice.

okay, a bit out of subject, but I think he and his sister are naturally thin.

also kinda weird, but his eye color changes quite often (the game can't figure it out), it was originally golden brown.

deep down, he just wants to be loved and being comforted.

this boy needs therapy asap.

also one thing, Yuuhime wants to be called Iori again, for Yamato it is more complicated. Calling him Shouta can trigger him very badly.

Hm. He likes jazzy and rock music. (I see him listen to Serge Gainsbourg, Saint Motel or even IDKHOW)

I know I have way more than that but that's already a lot I have unpacked here hehehe

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

✨ The space-loving scientist S/O [with a lovely sunshine personality] mysteriously disappeared one night, they're never to be seen ever again, that is until after so many years suddenly a spaceship crashes into a forest near their home in the middle of the night. When skelly comes to investigate, finally... He saw S/O... Injured and large scars all over, on their face and body, ones old and new, they looked so SO exhausted, their body trembles, dark eye bags under their eyes but as S/O stood up, their eyes widens in shock yet light up happily upon seeing skelly. Despite that they were hurt badly, blood dripping and body aching, it was hard to move, although, they couldn't care less at all, the love of their life they've been deeply longing for was in front of them even if so much time has passed, they ran, or at least tried to with the state that they're in, limping and reaching towards skelly sobbing... Skelly allows S/O to hug him, they both fell and broke down, S/O then muttered "My l-love...I-I'm finally home.." and quietly apologizing for everything...

S/O later explains that they were kidnapped by terrible and horrible aliens after accidentally wandering into their territory at night and forced to be their test subject and slave as punishment, spending such a long time being tortured constantly, forced to do terrible things for them and things they didn't want to do, however, S/O persevered, knowing that if S/O gave up and died then only the shitty aliens would win so they tried so hard and fought back that turned the situation into an endless war, surviving through it all, changing the sweet and kind sunshine who dreamt of reaching the stars to a tired soldier... All they ever thought of and dreamt was only to come back home, reuniting with their love...

[Hi!!! I apologize for writing this so long but I just had to tell ever detail because this idea had been stirring inside and rotting my brain with soo much angst! XD]

Undertale Sans - He's horrified. Honestly, he just assumed he did something wrong all these years that made you run away, he could never imagined, well, that. First, he teleports you to the hospital, then he warns Asgore because, uh, that seems like a serious situation a King should know about you know. He's not leaving your side after this, simply holding your hand as you recover. He doesn't know what more he can do to help, but at least, he can listen and be here for you. He won't stop apologizing for not being there when you needed it, even though he can't really go to space so there's not much he could do.

Undertale Papyrus - He's completely in shock. Papyrus assured everyone you were alive and didn't stop looking after you all these years, even though his brother and Undyne told him he was just hurting himself for nothing. Turns out he was right all along and just didn't think to check space, silly him. Welp, that happened. Sometimes everyone thinks you're dead, sometimes you get kidnapped by aliens. That's life. Now that it's over, everyone can turn the page and never leave again because he's now full of insecurities and literally terrified you will never get home when you go get groceries :D But he's fine, he hides it very well (no).

Underswap Sans - Omg. You fought aliens all this time and he was not there to see this. He's jealous, well, not too much of the "I was a lab rat part" but all the other sides. You went into space, and you beat up aliens! Is your spaceship still working? He wants to beat up aliens too! He's glad you're back home, and he won't stop asking questions. He has trouble understanding you need to recover from all this and that talking that much about this traumatizing experience is definitely not helping.

Underswap Papyrus - He breaks down in your arms. He doesn't care what happened, he's just so happy. He got confused after you disappeared, than angry, then sad, then depressed and he was very close from falling down because he couldn't understand why you left. He kept believing, just a little, that maybe you would come home someday, and he's so glad you did eventually. He's horrified when he learns you got basically tortured for years, but he is also in awe about how you managed to go home by yourself. He won't stop crying for a few weeks. He needs to recover as well.

Underfell Sans - He doesn't even know what to say. He grew angry after you, thinking you gave up on him like many before you and that he got tricked into a false feeling of security once again. But now you're back, and apparently, it's all his fault because he didn't think even one second you might have been kidnapped by aliens. He thought about a car accident or something but your car had been found unscathed after a while, he thought of a kidnapping but Edge assured him none of his rivals were in town when it happened, so he just assumed you left. He's not sure how to feel about all of this, he needs some time to think.

Underfell Papyrus - He falls completely silent. He searched for you everywhere. He thought you died somewhere and that he would never see you again. He mourned you. And now you're just... back? He lived the all thing like a giant failure because he wasn't there to protect you and he thought that maybe you got kidnapped and died all alone somewhere. Well, learning you got kidnapped by aliens doesn't help him to feel better, because he felt like it was his role to protect you, and he couldn't prevent this. He's glad you're home, but he is full of insecurities now, wondering if he's the right fit for you if he can't even protect you from something like this.

Horrortale Sans - Oh he was not worried. Willow kept telling him you were gone forever, but he could feel in his soul it was not true and he just kept forgetting you were gone for four years until you actually come back out of nowhere. He's just happy he got his S/O's back, purring like you left the house yesterday. He knew you would come back.

Horrortale Papyrus - Well that's awkward. You landed right next to the tomb he made for you in the forest, right next to Undyne's and Alphys' ones (that was supposed to not exist by the way because Monsterkind refused to give them tombs). Willow just thought it would be nice to have a place to remember you, since there was not really a body to mourn. He's now completely in shock, unsure if you are a ghost or no. Well, there's the spaceship, sure, but, that's a bit unbelievable. He doesn't even know what to say. He's happy, sure, but that doesn't feel real at all for him.

Swapfell Sans - He was really happy to discover you're actually alive and not dead in a ditch somewhere. Well, at least until you tell him you got abducted by aliens. Nox suddenly falls silent, then keeps looking between your face and your stomach. Nah man, that's too much for him. He runs home like the devil is chasing him and locks all the doors and windows. If your stomach needs to explode and deliver some random alien baby that will eat everyone, do it outside. He doesn't want to know. It will take three days to convince him you are in fact not infested with an alien parasite. He still doesn't trust you, but he tolerates you inside lol.

Swapfell Papyrus - Well the Rus you knew is not the same. After you disappeared, he kinda gave up on everything and lost the will to do anything. Instead, you meet with his brother, who is both terrified of you and relieved. When you go to see Rus, he thinks you're a hallucination and completely ignores you, and he will for a good month before realizing you're here to stay and sometime later that you're actually real. Little step by little step.

Fellswap Gold Sans - He's not sure is believing you, despite the spaceship. It's not that he doesn't want to believe you, but it seems too big to believe, and it feels like you're searching for an apology for giving up on him. Wine has trust issues and won't be fully the same anymore, even if he'll forgive you eventually and accept that something crazy actually happened to you. It's just... It still hurts. He struggles to forget the few years without you.

Fellswap Gold Papyrus - Unfortunately, Wine finds you first. Wine is NOT happy you abandoned his precious baby brother and before you can even say a word, he attacks you lol. How dare you come back after all these years? Don't you know how much you hurt Coffee? Like hell he's letting you get close again! Eventually, he'll calm down, but not after beating the living hell out of you. First he hits, then he tries to understand. Well, that's very awkward when he realizes he had beaten you for something you're not really responsible for... At least Coffee is happy to see you. He won't let you go ever again. Poor guy is even more scared of being abandoned now.

Special mentions:

Horrorswap Papyrus - He's so relieved you're alright. He never stopped believing you would come home, despite everyone saying it's hopeless. He just knows. When he learns you got tortured for a few years though, he can't stop apologizing for you. The guy quite know the feeling, and he's so sorry you had to experience it as well. At least you two can try to recover together now. He's glad you're home.

Outertale Sans - Ah. First time? That happens. Those aliens are quite curious you know. Maybe next time take a beacon with you so, you know, he doesn't get worried and just knows you're actually just having a party with a random species? Ah, you got tortured? Ah... Uh... He looks at his feet and doesn't dare to meet your eyes again. Yeah, he forgot aliens could do that too.

[watcheraurora]

I’m so glad I was able to find your Adoptive Dads Rancher AU again!! And with a part four!!

I originally found it a few months ago, and tonight I was like, “aw man, I hope I can find it again!!” And I did, and it was great to read before falling asleep. :)

I also loved your Plate Up one shot and I am. So normal about them. And the Flower Husbands angst. So normal and chill about it. Mhm. Totally.

Hope you’re having a good morning/day/night!

I'm glad you found it again! (I'm working on part 5 off and on) It's a fun little AU that I really enjoy writing :-D I know it's got a pretty small audience but the handful of readers who do read it bring me a lot of joy :-D

Unfortunately all my AO3 fics are restricted to Archive-Only because AI scraping so if you don't have an account you're a bit out of luck - but the whole AU is actually on AO3 too, if you wanna be able to find it easier in the future! Its whole AU name is "To The Skye" (<- Link) But Part 5 will definitely be posted to Tumblr first whenever I get around to finishing it! :-D

That makes me happy that it was a fun bedtime story :-D

Yeah the Plate Up one-shot was one of the first things I wrote on this blog! It was fun to just be silly

The Flower Husbands angst was definitely a good time too because everyone expects "Ranchers + happy ending" from me and I kinda blindsided my regular readers who made sure to let me know I broke their hearts - but I had fun and I'm glad to hear you're normal about it XD

That one is also cross-posted to AO3 because it was such a long one-shot I felt like it needed to be lol

Thank you so much! Happy timezone! <333

[chiharuhashibira]

Hi new friend *giggle excitedly* do you make request? Can I request Sanemi x Reader Cloud by 1D 😊😊☺️

Of course~ We can do it ^^

It's for Nemi and for yah soooooo why not?! 😚

Here's my KNY rendition of 1D's Clouds 🤭

Prepare your tissues and your eyes XD

𝓜𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽

𝑪𝒍𝒐𝒖𝒅𝒔

𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐦𝐢 𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐳𝐮𝐠𝐚𝐰𝐚 𝐗 𝐅𝐞𝐦!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

Content Warnings: None ^^

Genre: Drama/Angst/Romance

(Image isn't mine, credits to the rightful owner)

You were engrossed in thought as you saw the sky above you from the engawa. The cloud's predominant white colour triggers a memory of a white-haired guy from your past whom you haven't seen in over a year.

It's been a whole year since you last communicated. A year after ending the on-and-off relationship with the Wind Hashira. Since Sanemi was the centre of your life, you can't help but feel anxious and wonder whether there will ever be another chance to see him again.

It appears that arguments were a normal occurrence throughout your previous relationship. But this breakup is different from your past cool-offs with him. It's you who said that things don't work, and you should both work things out for yourselves if you ever want to go back with each other.

Back then, you always told him that you should keep things simple, as love isn't supposed to be complicated. But perhaps he's right? Love is never simple, and if it were, you wouldn't be sitting here alone, caressing the empty space beside you as tears streamed down your face.

"I swear you'll wish you never left me."

And yes, Sanemi is absolutely correct; at this point, you are wishing that you had never actually parted ways with him since you have no idea what to do. It is as if, all of a sudden, you are a young child who is looking for something. Slaying demons at night has become your go-to method for putting an end to these intrusive thoughts; you feel that if you don't, you'll die from solitude.

You always thought that you both had everything figured out. But no, it was all a fantasy, as both of you view love in a different way.

And now that a year has passed, you are surviving without Sanemi but definitely feeling like a wreck.

You remembered how his hands felt whenever he touched you. Beneath that harsh attitude, Sanemi always had that sweet side, which is only focused on loving you. You can still picture how he used to sit next to you at this same engawa and tell you everything. And you love it. You miss it so bad.

You missed how you used to breathe the same air as him and how his lilac eyes looked at you with too much passion. You wished to see the things that he had seen in you. You wanted Sanemi to be back, but how?

It was you who ended things, and now he is gone.

And by the last time that you had uttered goodbye, you had seen how his heart was broken into pieces. You can't forget both of your deafening sobs as you hugged him for the last time. The tears in his eyes—if you could only stop those, you would.

"Damn it. I miss you, Sanemi."

"I miss you too."

Your heartbeats went faster this time as you heard a familiar voice. You immediately looked up, and instead of the clouds, it was Sanemi that you had seen. You gulped and immediately stood up, embracing him, which astounded him.

You felt his hands snake on your body, and there, you found the courage to look at his face through your tears. Sanemi caressed your cheek, wiping your tears away with his calloused thumb. You can remember how he used to do this even before your breakup.

The look in Sanemi's eyes when he was looking at you right now was one of intense concentration. He is not smiling. As a consequence of this, the seconds seemed like an hour, and the minutes seemed like days. You were patient and waited for him to speak.

Then, without any words, Sanemi leaned in to give you a passionate but quick kiss on the lip. You felt as if it was the first time. Suddenly, the world felt calmer. Your breaths synced with one another as you slowly kissed back, letting your tears escape your eyes again.

This isn't a dream; it's true. Sanemi's here with you now. His warmth continued to embrace you as he pulled out and patted your head.

"Y/N, I missed you so much. I still love you. I tried to forget you, but I couldn't, so I decided to make peace with myself and be better for you. I know you were tired of me before, but could you give me a second chance to prove myself to you again?"

So he came back! You can't believe the words that you are hearing right now. A part of you is scared to try again because of your past. But a bigger part of you wants to try it all. You want to be with Sanemi so bad. You want to continue your promises.

Without further ado, you nodded and embraced him tightly, resting your head on the crook of his neck and inhaling his scent.

Sanemi was so stunned that he couldn't believe what he was hearing at the moment that he reached for your hands, then smacked himself in the face with both of them. "Are you joking around? I cannot express how much this made me happy." He then gave you another kiss, claiming you as his own, and whispered that to you.

You caressed his face and looked into his eyes; there, you could see your reflection once again. You can breathe the air that he breathes. You love this man so much. He caressed your face too and rested his forehead against yours.

"I'll do my best to make you the happiest girl in the world. Here we go again, and this time, we're never coming back down."

𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒐 𝒎𝒖𝒄𝒉!

I know it is short but, I hope you'll love this @unofficialmuilover~

Love yah and see you on my other fics!

~𝓒𝓱𝓲𝓱𝓪𝓻𝓾-𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓷🌸

[huenation]

try again / cyj

word count: 2,172

genre: angst, comfort, friends to exes to friends to lovers

warnings: self deprecative jokes, heavy on the mutual pining, bad household, and that moment when u don’t know who u are XD (happens to us all <3)

synopsis: the line of being friends and in love got messy with your past breakup but in your case, was it ever really there if you’ve both never stopped loving each other? ★ prompt addition

soundtrack: try again by jaehyun, d.ear

“thanks.” yeonjun says looking directly at you though you don’t meet his eyes, too caught in making sure the cup of hot chocolate you give him doesn’t spill. you smile and settle down adjacent to him, missing the way he watches you even if it’s so briefly. he glows just about every time he looks at you but considering it’s been years since you’ve allowed yourselves to be romantic towards one another (since the breakup), you always miss it. that, and you’re also oblivious.

“so, you wanted to talk?” contrary to the casualness of your tone, you’re actually so anxious you could throw up. yeonjun’s wide smile falters, glow in his eyes following, and he sets his drink down beside him he’s also filled with anxiety.

“yeah, i do,” he pauses. “i think we should continue our chat from the other night, and i also know you want to talk, y/n.”

oh yeah. that one.

one would think that after years that a past relationship would not be on the forefront of your mind and your heart but it was. you never really felt like you could move on, always missing closure and never having stopped loving yeonjun. but you kept that part to yourself, feeling like he would be much better off with someone else even if you’re past that hurdle in your life that had brought you two to separate in the first place (among other things).

it was a fun night out at a busy cafe, in a circular booth with your friends. yeonjun had gone to go order a pastry but came back, frantic, asking for advice or what he should say to someone he thought was super and had been in line behind him, unsure of how to go about showing his interest.

in response, like you always do, you joked about he came to the worst people for advice since you and all your friends are currently single. beomgyu just laughed along, the others adding on other reasons that were mainly comedic value.

that is until the next thing you said. well, the other guys giggled, too, since you both only ever referred to your failed relationship with jokes, or rather you did. it was just a thing that you hardly ever took things seriously, so happy go lucky and keeping things lighthearted even if most of your jokes orbited your self deprecation (within reason — you had plenty of other content for your jokes).

you joked about the most confounding evidence as to why he shouldn’t ask you for dating advice; he had dated you and you broke up with him.

in between stirring around some of his foam at the bottom of his drink, kai asked, “oh yeah, why did you guys break up? it’s been so long.” you snorted, shaking the ice of your drink. “guys, be for real, obviously, i’m obviously just the weird detour you take before you find the right person you wanna be with. you could have a real shot with this person.”

“okay but — ” you were giggling still. “when you guys get married, i’ll be able to thank myself for being at my worst then.

yeonjun scowled at that. “why?” all the other’s conversations seemed to happen around the two of you, distracted by something else.

“‘cause. you deserved better then and maybe this’ll be the person you were deserving along. and i can finally tell myself that we broke up for a good reason.”

your voice had been so still and quiet, yeonjun’s heart shattering, while you ripped the lid off your plastic cup. so nonchalant. he stared at you for a moment before pushing off the table and taking a step back.

“that wasn’t helpful, y/n.” he had said quietly to you. you simply rolled your eyes playfully, lighthearted smile to balance, snickering along beomgyu and soobin to whatever they were bantering about. kai and taehyun on the other side had tossed out random tips that obviously didn’t work for them.

“come on, jun, you don’t need to worry. she’s obviously gonna like you.” you muttered nonchalantly, so confident that the distant shatter of your heart was out of sight and ear, even in the face of the man you’ve never stopped loving.

“i doubt it, but i guess, i’ll still try. better than nothing…” he said quietly.

“well, good luck, jun.” you told him dismissively while trying to get the remaining toppings to your iced drink, unseeing of the way yeonjun frowned as he walked away.

you only half remembered what you’d said that day. all that was positive was that you had said too much. yeonjun on the other hand had remembered everything.

“hey, you know what i just remembered? did that girl ever text you? ‘cause you guys did exchange phone numbers, right?” he blinks a few times, carefully watching your face, before he shakes his head. his pretty raven hair comes down almost to his shoulders, so much longer than the boyish trim look he’d had when you two dated. despite that much, you think he hasn’t changed one bit.

“well yeah, we did, but i never actually texted her.”

“oh.” an unsettled moment of silence falls between you two. you’re focused on a certain stain on the table below you guys.

“listen, y/n — ” he starts and you wince, already trying to dismiss him from initiating, even if it is rude to interrupt. “no, yeonjun, i think, no, i know we never really talked about why i ended things between us. and look, i know you… you respected my decision and understood me even if it was so sudden and over a reason i didn’t disclose entirely, but, oh god — “ he notices your eyes are welling with tears, a bitter but annoyed smile on your face because of it. he knows how much you hate showing your weakness, let alone being vulnerable.

his heart pounds in his chest. he would give anything so that you could stay smiling and happy, anything but this. this hurts. “i’m a different person now than i was then, and-and you deserve to know what happened.”

your voice breaks. yeonjun’s gripping on his (your) mug so tightly his knuckles are white, the cute little bow of his mouth shaking, eyes watering so enough to sting, his throat burns with the urge to bawl as you tell him.

because of everything going on in your house those few years ago, fragments of your family that got under your skin and poisoned you, the tortuous process of trying to leave, battling the old you and the new you, and the weight of everything else, including your new boyfriend (yours truly) and insecurities for being good for him, it’s easy to say you weren’t at a place to be in love, certainly with the people around you who made sure you felt like you didn’t deserve it either.

even though you were all friends for much longer before you got together, god knows you and yeonjun had been pining for one another for years, it became too much, knowing that things were getting too real.

you were at your lowest. yeonjun was always as sweet and caring to you as ever, but instead, his actions made you feel worse. you could hardly give him an ounce of what he deserved in return. if you had the energy to talk to him, it’d end in arguments that you walked away from, too tired to continue.

it seemed like it was time to close that chapter instead of prolonging the pain. you didn’t know who you were then. and you knew yeonjun deserved better than what you were giving him, even if you weren’t exactly be transparent.

years went on. neither of you ever really settled down, just little flings here and there that you’d support each other on, but none of those ever stayed. (he and you made no effort to make them stay…) you always joke about your relationship, since it was so long ago, about how failed it was and naive you were then. at first, yeonjun did joke about your failed relationship, but he couldn’t bring himself to — not when he had known that you really did love him and he certainly has never stopped loving you.

you disclose certain details but hide other specific ones, trying not to give away too much of the fact that you’re really a vulnerable thing who still hasn’t grown up after all these years. it’s a hard thing to keep up a facade that conceals the truth.

when the dust of it all settles, silence falling in the mix, he hears it first before he sees it: your tear drops on the table near your wringing hands. and like clockwork, they come to swipe them off like they were never there in the first place, but yeonjun stops you, speed before your very eyes register it, carding your face in his hand from his side on the table. he leans over his corner of your furniture like it’s nothing.

your eyes give you away.

the relief but tide of emotions feels second to letting yourself be hit by a wave, feelings that have been locked away for such a long time. at least a moment reveals so.

with a soft laugh, you drop your gaze with a sniffle and try to shrug him off, an attempt to pretend that didn’t happen. it’s all you can do not to cave in and admit the mess that you clearly are in front of him, especially when you feel his touch. but he doesn’t budge.

“i wish you wouldn’t do that.” his own voice betrays him, so unstable and choking up on him. you blink through the muddle of tears growing. “what?”

“think of yourself so lowly. you have so much importance and you mean so much to the people in your life. it has never and it will never matter which point you are in life, whether at you’re worst or best or in between, you will always be capable of being loved. you have never deserved anything less.”

he wishes he could add, ‘and i wanna make sure you know that’. in due time, he hopes. in due time.

you’re wetting his hand with your tears. your stomach is curling and curling, chest buzzing, lips fumbling as your body wrestles with the tide of wanting to bawl like a child.

yeonjun gently swipes the wetness on your cheeks, smiling sweetly, patiently, and so full of love. it breaks your heart a thousand times over than it did the first time when you’d broken up with him.

not once have you ever really stopped loving him.

“i wish you knew that… you didn’t have to prove that you’re worthy enough to be loved. you being you was enough for me. you being you is more than enough,” you let out a sound between a cry and yelp, one that shows exactly how crooked and darling your smile is even if tears stain your cheeks. “i‘m sorry i never said it enough, but i’ve been in love with you for so stupidly long.”

his thumb dares to brush so gently over the corner of your lips, just the way he used to do. his eyes skin across your face so carefully. his stomach twists once his mouth opens,

“so, cards out on the table, y/n, i wanna try again. i know it’s not my place to demand something like this from you, but… it’s how i feel,” you don’t say anything, blinking eyes meeting his, in beats of silence broken by shaky breaths and sniffles. he smiles again despite his nervousness. “and you don’t have to agree or anything. again, it’s just how i feel. i’d only want to try but if you do, too, for you to say yes when you’re ready.”

he fumbles with shutting down a ghost of ‘my love’ as an ending to his statement, like he always would say in the past. he can’t help it.

you give him a genuine smile, one that reaches your eyes, and one that he misses every single moment you spend not smiling. such proximity and joy trickles distant memories in colorful explosions behind your eyes in a kaleidoscope of nostalgia. a knowing look is exchanged between you, no words.

it speaks more than none that you understand him and are infinitely thankful. you say so through mouthed words. he nods slowly in acknowledgement. you can feel it down to the marrow of your bones…

oh, how you’ve missed him.

“okay, i’ll let you know when i’m ready, yeonjun. it won’t be that long, just so you know,” you say wetly, sniffling and clearing your thin voice. yeonjun smiles, too, for a change. remember when he didn’t used to smile so much? “i’ve been waiting my whole life to try again with you and even longer to let you know better that i love you, too.”

˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　　 . ✦　　　 　˚　　　　 . ★⋆. ࿐࿔

　　　.   　　˚　　 　　*　　 　　✦　　　.　　.　　　✦　˚ 　　　　 ˚　.˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　 　　 　　　　 ੈ✧̣̇˳·˖✶ ✦　　

note: i loveddddd this idea that was an addition on to my silly little prompt so badly you don’t even know 😭😭😭😭😭 it’s probably obvious but this was heavily inspired by certain plot details in ‘new girl’ shoutout to nick miller <3 (not sure if i should stick with this lowercase format or not… either way ~) tysm for reading!