#i can now hint at what i am going to make

[wlwsoccerfics]

Who are you?(StephCatleyXReader)

Warnings:head injury, memory loss, angst

Summary: you Hit your head during a Game and lose your memory. Having no idea who Steph is. So she tries everything to make you remember.

To say everyone was freaked out when you Hit the Goalpost cause you were pushed into it would have been an understatement. You didn't just went down but you also were unconcious. So they put you on a stretcher and walked into the Tunnels with you. Steph didn't finish the game, Renée told her to go with you. The Game wasn't important right now.

You were put in an ambulance actually cause it took you a few minutes to wake up again. At the hosptial they ran some Tests. You had a pretty Bad concussion and threw up three times already. Your head was pounding actually. Good news there was no brain bleed. Bad News. You lost your memory due to the head injury. Which the doctors and Steph, your wife found out like this.

"i am so glad you are awake, Babe!" Steph said.

"Babe? Who are you calling Babe? And who are you?" You asked. Steph looked shocked. Her head turned to the doctors alarmed.

"i am your wife Steph." She replied.

"i think i would know If i am married!" You answered. The doctor gently motioned for Steph ro leave to room with him so they could talk and for your wife to let go of her emotions cause she was crying already.

"what is going on? Why can't she remember me?" Your wife asked.

"usually those memories come back within 24 hours. It's rare that one is struggling to remember years or months but it can happen. If you have pictures and things that are important to both of you, show her. That usually helps!" He explained.

So Steph called Kyra to let the team know what was going on with you and asked her to grab the Box of Pictures, Concert Tickets and Love Letters you and Steph have written one another over the last 4 years.

Both Alessia and Kyra showed up at the hospital, handing over the box.

"she really doesn't remember you?" Kyra asked.

"not even a little bit." Steph said, wiping away some fresh tears. Alessia rubbed her back gently.

"i am sorry Steph, but she is gonna remember you." Alessia told her.

"thanks, i will try to show her those things now." She looked at the Box and walked back into your hospital room. While Kyra and Less were waiting in the waiting area of the Hospital.

"so you really are my wife." You spoke out after looking at all the pictures. You took an extra long look at the wedding Pictures.

"i am!" Steph told you, offering you a small smile but the hint of pain still visible.

"why don't i remember anything?" You asked her and she explained to you how you had hit your head on the Goalpost during the game. You two spent hours of talking and looking at the things in the Box and you actually ended up remembering it all. Much to everyones relief. Especially your wifes.

Cuddles were in order, so were kisses before you fell asleep in her arms. You were allowed to leave the next day but it took you two months to get back to playing in a game.

[steddieas-shegoes]

a ride he does survive

for @steddiemicrofic prompt ‘ride’

rated e | 453 words | cw: public sex (they’re not caught, seen, or heard) | tags: Eddie has a crush on Steve, modern era, scoops ahoy, getting together, anal sex

🍦🍦🍦🍦🍦🍦🍦🍦🍦🍦🍦🍦

“He’s a ride I wouldn’t survive.”

Jeff smacks his shoulder, groaning. “Dude, don’t say shit like that out loud.”

“Oh, so you’re homophobic now?” Eddie smirks, knows Jeff is the farthest thing from homophobic. He just isn’t a fan of Steve, or Eddie’s crush on Steve.

“Shut up,” he laughs. “Why don’t you go talk to him for once? Or am I gonna have to listen to you every day until one of you inevitably leaves this shithole town?”

“There’s no way he’d be interested in me. I’m a triple senior, dude.”

“Hey guys, we’re closing up. Do you need anything else?” The man in question smiles down at them, towel thrown over his shoulder and broom in hand.

“Sorry, nope!” Eddie squeaks out.

Jeff rolls his eyes as he stands. “Actually, Eddie here is looking for a summer job.”

Steve grins. “I need someone to close with! Robin’s mom is, like, so strict. She won’t even let her stay out past curfew for work.”

Eddie feels like he’s out of his body. “Oh. Yeah. Sure.”

Steve hands him the towel. It smells like bleach and chocolate.

“If you can help me close, I’ll put in the good word with the boss.”

Jeff laughs his way out of Scoops Ahoy while Eddie wipes tables, muttering to himself about doing stupid things for stupid boys. He’s nearly done when Steve turns off the lights.

“Sorry, we have a security light usually, but it’s not working.”

Eddie nods. Right. They’ll just finish in the dark.

“If you log the time you helped today, it can get added to your paycheck,” Steve explains.

He guides him to the back where there’s a book of names, mostly Robin, and clock in times. Eddie adds his.

“You like ice cream a lot?” Steve asks.

“Uh, I’m lactose intolerant?” Eddie replies.

Steve nods. “So you come to the ice cream shop because…”

“Because you look really good in that outfit.”

It’s out before he can stop it. Steve’s lips are on his before Eddie can understand what’s happening. Their hands are everywhere, covering skin that shouldn’t be exposed back here. They’re both hard, both leaking.

“Can I fuck you?” Steve asks.

“Here?”

“Please.”

He sounds so good begging like this, Eddie can’t say no.

There’s no lube to be found, but they make it work with Vaseline from the employee locker. Eddie’s stretched open quickly, just a hint of pain with the pleasure, the way he likes it.

Steve sits in the rolling chair and this is a bad idea. Eddie loves bad ideas.

He straddles Steve, rides him until the chair is wobbling and squeaking, ready to break.

“Tomorrow, you can fuck me,” Steve offers as he comes.

[skyfallscotland]

Quicksilver, by Callie Hart 🦋

She is moonlight. The mist that shrouds the mountains. The bite of electricity in the air before a storm.

Ohh boy. Personally I think she is none of those things, but that's me getting ahead of myself. God, I feel so anxious posting a book reaction after the Onyx Storm Debacle, but here we are, with a book I didn't love...again.

So...I started this one with a running commentary again (Throne of Glass style) but I couldn't quite commit. We will however approach it chronologically, because that's an easier way to show my thoughts as they evolved.

Would I recommend this book? No. And I’ll tell you why, but there are spoilers ahead so be aware of that.

Friends...I did not enjoy this one and I'm starting to feel like a crazy person. Is this just a massive reading slump? Or am I weird? Because everyone seems to think these books are the best thing since sliced bread and I've not liked a single one of them 😭

My first impressions? Saeris is so cliché. Like oh we're starving and can barely survive, you can see my ribs, but actually I can scale a giant wall and fight all these fully trained guards and win...ok, sure. It's giving 00's YA vibes but alright, I'm rolling with it.

I had no understanding of what it was I was doing, but if this was a world-ending gift, then good. Fuck this city and fuck this world. My family was already doomed, and what did I care for anyone else?

Bit dramatic, but whatever, I'll still ride with you. Who am I to judge? I did write Remi.

“I wear pants. Shirts. Things I can move easily in. So I can run, and climb, and—” Kill people.

"So cliché." I mutter to myself as I put the book down. Then pick it up again. Then put it down again and use the audiobook instead.

At some point, Layne would accept that I just didn't eat that much, and she'd stop loading up my plate with so much food. She'd slip an apple into her pocket for me or something.

*Deep breaths* Saeris would absolutely fit in on mid 2000's tumblr. Babe, this is such a weird flex to include when you’ve already made it very clear she was a starving orphan, ok?

We also met the infamous Carrion—more on that later—and her brother...who sucks. No two ways about it. I hated him immediately. Are there any decent book-brothers out there? Or just...no? I thought from the way he was acting he was going to be fourteen but no, he's like TWENTY, what the fuck 😭

So anyway, hooray! We've fallen through a portal to a new world and that's the stage set—then we meet Kingfisher. Oh man. Kingfisher.

Firstly:

This is a kingfisher. I just want y’all to know that. I know it’s not his ‘real’ name but it’s still what she’s crying out in rapture ok, a choice was made and it wasn’t a good one.

Anyway, surprise surprise, he's an asshole, but here’s the rub: he doesn't seem redemptive.

My jaw was screaming, I was clenching my teeth so hard. “Fuck—you—” “There you go again. Hungry, needy little bitch in heat, begging to be fucked…” he taunted. “Let. Go!”

I’m ok with enemies to lovers, but there has to be a hint at least that the ‘bad guy’ can be a decent person. There has to be something that hooks me about him—his entire personality can’t just be ‘asshole’, and above all, despite the fact he doesn’t like the FMC (even loathes her for all I care) he has to at least have some basic respect for her, otherwise I’m not down. That’s just my personal take, you don’t have to agree, but it makes me uncomfortable otherwise.

“I don't hate your kind. I'm just disappointed by how breakable you are. If I held you down and fucked you the way I'm imagining fucking you right now, I doubt that you’d survive it.”

Like that? That’s not cute or arousing in any way.

“That your body is betraying you in other ways. That I can smell you, Little Osha, and I'm thinking about drinking the sweet nectar you're making for me straight from the fucking cup.”

I do also think the smut was just not for me in this book, as a general rule, I did find it very cringe. Case in point ^

A FUNNY INTERLUDE:

—a look of rye amusement on his irritatingly handsome face.

LMAO this was meant to be wry, I assume? There were a few instances like this throughout the book, as well as typos and missing punctuation. Which, we’re all human, I get it, but it kind of annoys me a little when this was picked up for trad pub, pulled from KU (I bought it—twice!) and has since gotten a million dollar Netflix deal. Please, if we’re going to be doing that, the publishing house needs to edit the damn book. Honestly? I think it could have done with 200-300 less pages. A developmental edit was needed, let alone a final edit.

Anyway. Onwards.

So they make a blood pact, in which she agrees to basically do whatever the fuck he says, which is...tired. I'm tired. The book is tired. We're all a little tired here.

Kingfisher held out his hand and pulled me to my feet, making a derisive sound when he saw the cut I'd inflicted upon myself. “Baby.”

It’s just...this utter derision he has for her, his supposed (spoiler alert!) fated mate, that just gives me the ick.

Then there's this:

Kingfisher stunned me to silence when he dropped to his knees and started picking up the shards of broken cup. “It's all right, Archer. Hush, it's all right.”

Ok, this here is the first indication we get that he can be a decent person, and it’s not with her, it’s with some random character we’ve just met. Do I grow to like Archer? Sure, but right now I don’t know him from Adam, all this scene tells me is that Fisher is capable of respect and kindness, just not with Saeris. Be so for fucking real right now, that does not make you want to root for them. If this were your bestie you’d be screaming for them to run. This is the crux of it all. We had to get like 300 pages into this book for there to be a single hint of redemption in him and to me that's bad technique.

Clearly everyone else disagrees since they're out there praising it, but I've nearly DNF'd so many times by now, because you're 👏 not 👏 giving 👏 me 👏 crumbs. Please, give the reader something! It's all well and good for people to be out here going "well he's like that for a reason" (spoiler alert: the reason sucks, it's just the cliché 'I wanted to push her away for her own safety) but his reasoning means shit if people lose interest and don't get far enough to find out what it even is.

Note: by 'people' I mean the rest of the internet, not anyone here specifically, but since a few of you have said the same, just know that's a generalisation and I still love you! But I fear my point stands, his change of heart/any indication of kindness comes too late in the game for it to be an effective character arc (more on this later!!)

Anywho—

I shouldn't have moaned. I definitely shouldn't have told him that I wanted him. For the love of all the gods in all the heavens, why had I said that? I was going to throw up.

Same babe. Why did you? Why do you?

I couldn't believe we'd finally arrived here.

Me either!! 56% of the way in! We've basically done absolutely nothing but wander around and talk about how hot and mean he is for 300 pages but finally you're...doing things...with him 😬

Every part of me wanted to scramble from the bed and bolt for the door, but I knew that would be folly. Just like a hell cat, Fisher would give chase.

So terrified every part of you wants to bolt for the door...charming. Very hot. Love that for you.

“I could probably use a sho—” “Do not fucking dare finish that sentence,” he snarled. “I don't want a mouthful of soap and perfume. I want to taste you.”

Shower. She was going to say shower.

Another note, because I'm incapable of not shouting this from the rooftops when the occasion arises—vaginas are self-cleaning, there should be no soap or perfume going in there! You would have tasted her anyway you dumbass. You'd think he'd know that, given he's supposedly been in more of them than your local gynaecologist.

“And we can’t lie.”

*deep breaths* since WHEN? And that only makes it worse??

I'd imagined the words. Fabricated them out of thin air and somehow played them aloud in my own head in his voice.

Oh, hey Violet, how did you get here?

So anyway, then we enter the final conflict? Confrontation? Where she needs to go and save her newfound mate from under the mountain the bad guy's place! (oh and there's vampires, did I mention that before? No? Well there is now).

Anyway, turns out Rhysand Kingfisher was trapped there for 110 years with big bad Malcolm, who it's implied sexually assaulted him during that time, but we never address that. Why? Well this is romantasy and we only have six-hundred pages, why would we? Just throw traumatic experiences in there for the sake of it, why not?

Anyway—

“That's right. Fifty-five. He spent the next eight years trying to find the coin once he reached the center, didn't you, my love?”

I'm?????

55+8=63... what happened to the other 47 years? Guys? I'm????

Whatever, who cares about math! We're on the escape until—WOAH.

“It can't see or hear you. It tracks movement.”

Don't panic, don't panic, we all know how to defeat the middengard wyrm whatever that thing is! And we do. But not really, because everything in this maze regenerates, just like romantasy plotlines.

More fighting, more evil villain monologuing, etc.

THEN Saeris has to go and find a coin to break the blood oath Kingfisher made with big-bad, even though big-bad said he broke it himself five minutes ago during his evil monologue in order to make Fishie confess to...things.

“I release you from your oath to us, Kingfisher, Bane of Gillethrye. Now, go on. Tell your friends all about the deal you struck with us all those years ago.”

But no matter, we're off to find a coin and no worries, we've got that down! Of course in the process Feyre Saeris dies and gets brought back to life again as an all powerful fae/vampire queen hybrid. WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT?

Not me, even I couldn't have predicted that double-doozy. Probably this guy though:

Zareth. God of Chaos.

Which? NO. Nope. No. Too late. FAR too late in the game for this. I'm out.

The way we went through so many boring pages of nothingness to this in the last 20% is truly something.

OK! SIDE CHARACTERS:

Danya was a complete and total waste of everyone's time, she existed only to be the bitchy, elitist mean girl side character who was mean to poor Saeris and occassionally made her jealous. This one-dimensional treatment of female characters grinds my gears. Even Everlayne, Kingfisher's sister was entirely useless, making Saeris the special female unicorn. Pretty sure this book fails the Bechdel test.

Ren was nice, I liked him, poor long-suffering man that he was.

Lorreth. Man, y'all can't shut up about Carrion and you're really sleeping on Lorreth. This man saved me from DNF'ing, he was fantastic. Put some respect on his name! 10/10 no notes. The guy you'd actually want to get with if this book were real.

He'd still looked dumbstruck as he headed off in the direction of his tent, cradling Avisiéth like a baby in his arms.

Carrion. CARRION. Ok straight up...is that really a word we want to be using as a name? Really? Is it relevant? Like did we do that on purpose because he somehow reflects roadkill? I figured we'd find out, but NOPE 💀

Who fucking knows at this point though whether it is his name. I doubt it, given Kingfisher's name is apparently not Kingfisher either. Personally though I still think that should have been addressed in the book. It's over 200k words, you can tell us why certain nicknames exist.

The thief held up his hands. “You're right. I apologize. I'm just a little on edge right now. I'm not my best self.”

Hilarious, there to cause trouble most of the time, 10/10, almost no notes.

“Are you going to tell me about my parents, or are you going to start undressing each other? Because I can leave. I don't have to, but I can,” Carrion said.

Except the part where he turns out to be a thousand-year-old fae too and a secret, mystery, vampire-killing-prince dude or whatever, there's a note about that and how it's kinda unnecessary to drop in the final 5%. Was it foreshadowed? Not effectively, no. Also Carrion Daianthus? Roadkill, crows, and...pink flowers? Yeah. That's him. That's the one 💀

Onyx. Token wild animal taken in as pet/familiar trope. She can have this one. He's cute.

Elroy. Dude's definitely going to become important again. How much do we wanna bet he's Fisher's dad? Anyone?

Anyway, this was wildly chaotic and I don't really feel bad about it because so was this book. It started out well in the first 5-10%. It was a slog to read between the 10% mark and 60%. Honestly, it only got better once they'd fucked for the first time, which was because Kingfisher's character did a 180 overnight with a big fat handwavey motion, like our FMC's magic coochie cured him of his violent tendencies. Like not to be crude, but I'm not sure there's any other way of putting it.

I think it's just not a great book, which I also think is a shame because the world is interesting, I loved the parts of alchemy we got (which weren't enough, imo) and the swords, the magic, the portals, the quicksilver, etc. I think it had so much potential and that's ultimately why it also bothers me so much as well. It feels squandered through a lack of refinement and editing.

Will I read the next one? Maybe. I'll let someone else take the hit first and see if it's any better paced this.

This has gone on long enough lmao, so I'll just leave you with one last quote that I think really sums up this book so, so much:

“Not that. The brother part,” she said in a loud whisper. “That’s not common knowledge?” “Well, yes. And no. It's just not spoken about. And it's very, very complicated.”

Yeah...

[conelluwrites]

Level of Contentment

Reader/Ryomen Sukuna (au-- he exists freely out of Yuuji’s body; not Hiean Sukuna)

Rating: not rated

Posted on my AO3

Word Count: 1.8k

Reader: gender neutral, no pronouns used, no mentions of genitalia

Other: Smut will be posted separately

He leans back to look at you, crimson eyes glinting with amusement and desire.  He takes in your heated cheeks and the way your chest rises and falls at a near imperceptible, barely there higher rate.  There’s a rush of pride in him as he knows it’s him that’s having this effect on you.  “But don’t think this means anything, fool,” he warns despite the way his fingers dance along your side, “I’m not a gentle man and I don’t do relationships. I just… appreciate the way you look right now."

It’s been a peaceful day-- an uncommon occurrence for you and even more uncommon for Sukuna.  You’re both on your bed, the soft sheets over top of the two of you surrounding you both in a cocoon of comfort.  The sun is setting outside, casting a dim light through the blinds you have pulled down.   Sukuna’s eyes are closed as he rests beside you.  He’s never looked so content, at least not around you. You're lying down on your stomach, watching as his brows furrow slightly with the feeling of being watched.  You reach out a finger, tracing the slope of his nose.  

Sukuna’s eyes flutter open at the sensation of your gentle touch, looking at you with a mix of annoyance and something akin to affection in his crimson eyes.  He’s utterly silent as he wraps one of his arms around you, pulling your bodies closer.  His touch is firm, though nowhere near being rough.  “Stop your foolish humming.” He grumbles, though there’s no real bite behind his words.  His hand pushes yours away, sneering, “why so chipper?  Did you get lucky?”  Despite his dismissive tone, his body language shows a level of contentment.  He’s not used to feeling this at ease and the fact that someone as below him as yourself frustrates him.

“Mhm, I definitely got lucky today.”  You turn to your side so  you’re pressed more against him, “I spent all day with you.”

“Lucky?  Hardly… I’m not some prize, idiot.”  He scoffs, but there’s a bare hint of a smug grin on lips.  His eyes look into your own, “I’m utterly shocked you haven’t run screaming yet; I thought you were smarter than this.”  His voice is a rumble with no harsh cruelty behind it, only a strange sort of affection he refuses to accept.

His thumbs slowly rubs small, soothing circles on your side.  His touch is absentmindedly gentle.  “But I suppose it’s not the worst thing-- having you around.  Though don’t let it go to your head.”

“What can I say, something about you makes me want to stick around.”  A gentle kind of half smile is on your lips, your own hand coming to rest on his waist as you absorb the serenity of the moment. “I’m glad it’s not the worst thing to have me around.  You move a leg to be between his own, intertwining your legs.  “Though I am sorry if I disturbed your rest, ‘kuna.”

Sukuna raises an eyebrow at your words, a chuckle rumbling through his chest.  His hand tightens on your waist possessively.  Your presence is disconcerting and thrilling all at once, something he cannot recall ever feeling before.  His eyes rove over your face, taking in your gentle smile and the way your leg is comfortably settled between his own.  There’s a stirring of desire, a want to have you as his own, a feeling that he represses for the millionth time since knowing you like this.  “Disturb me?  Hardly.  I was just resting my eyes.”  He pulls you even closer until your body molds his own.

You hum in response, hand moving from his waist to his chest.  You feel suddenly shy at the proximity, still getting used to being so intimate with someone like him-- much less explicitly  him.  You can feel your cheeks heat up, a delicious feeling to experience with him.  The half-smile turns into a genuine smile, grateful to be with him.

His eyes narrow, a smug grin spreading across his face.  “You’re blushing like a schoolgirl, how… charming,” he drawls, his words drenched with mocking amusement, though there’s a hint of genuine affection beneath it.

His hand moves from your waist to your ass, squeezing gently, albeit possessively.  He seems to pride himself in the moment before speaking.  “Tell me, my  dearest one, do you always blush so easily when a man holds you like this?” He murmurs, his lips brushing against the shell of your ear, “or is it just me who has this effect on you?”

“Just you, though it has been quite a while since I’ve been held like this.” Your arms slide up to loop around his neck.

Sukuna’s eyes mix with triumph and begrudging affection, his lips quirking with a dark, smug grin that reveals his sharper canines.  “Is that so?” His voice is a velvet purr, “well I suppose it’s only fair.  You’ve managed to ensnare me in a way that no one else has before.”  His other hand goes to the back of your head, fingers tangling up in your hair with his fingernails scratching slightly into your scalp.  His lips flutter softly along your neck, feeling your pulse accelerate beneath his touch.  “Such a shame, really, you’re so naive and trusting.” He murmurs seemingly more to himself than you.  He presses a gentle kiss against your neck. “But I could get used to this.”

He leans back to look at you, crimson eyes glinting with amusement and desire.  He takes in your heated cheeks and the way your chest rises and falls at a near imperceptible, barely there higher rate.  There’s a rush of pride in him as he knows it’s him that’s having this effect on you.  “But don’t think this means anything, fool,” he warns despite the way his fingers dance along your side, “I’m not a gentle man and I don’t do relationships. I just… appreciate the way you look right now.”

“I-I-” You’re at a loss for words as you’re torn between telling him how deeply you feel for him and staying quiet.  You pick the latter, swallowing down your deeper, complex emotions as you nuzzle under his chin.  You drink in his scent, something so uniquely Sukuna.  “Thank you.”

He blinks in mild surprise at your soft words.  He’s not used to such a simple response, usually dealing with people who are too scared or too stupid to know when to keep their mouths shut.  For a moment, he’s tempted to demand you elaborate, to confess your feelings that he can tell you harbor-- that you have harbored for him.  But something holds him back, a strange sense of protectiveness and a reluctance to shatter the fragile, intimate moment you’ve created together. “Tch…  Don’t thank me, just don’t forget who made you feel this way.”

“I’ll never forget, ‘kuna.”

“See that you don’t.”

He tugs you away from his neck, his eyes meeting yours before he brushes his nose against yours.  “Tell me… Have you ever been in love before?” A hint of genuine curiosity paints his voice.  He knows you care for him, but he’s not sure if it’s the same all-consuming, obsessive love that he’s felt for no one else.  And a part of him, a part that he doesn’t want to- that he refuses to- acknowledge wants to know if you’ve desired something like this before.

“Mmn?  What’s with the sudden curiosity?  I would say I’m currently in love with someone, yes.  They occupy a big part of my mind, nearly twenty-four seven.”

His eyes narrow at your confession, a flicker of something dark flashing through their red depths.  “Is that so,” his voice is a growl, “and who might this lucky bastard be?  I wonder, is it someone better than me?”  Despite the arrogance in his words, there’s a small sense of vulnerability.  It’s a foreign feeling for him and he’s not quite sure how to handle it.  He leans in closer, “well, I hope for their sake that they appreciate what they have.  Because if they dont…” He trails off, leaving the threat hanging in the air between you both.

“There’s no one better than you.”  You respond, your voice calming and almost loving, “have you been in love before?”

He’s caught off guard by your question and unwavering certainty in him being the best, especially with such a gentle communication.  His expression closes off, a shutter falling over his eyes as his crimson eyes flick away from yours.  “Love?”  He scoffs, a bitter laugh escaping his lips, “I don’t know what that is.  I’ve never had the luxury of feeling something so soft.”

His eyes go back to yours, his gaze is intense and searching.  “But I know what I want.  And right now…” His hand slides down to the small of your back, “I want you.  More than anything.”

You snuggle against him, the sun outside your paradise has set fully and the moon has taken her place. “That so?  I suppose that counts for something, hm?”  You cup his cheek, stroking a thumb over his marked skin.  You want to show him that love, show him the softness he’s never properly felt or allowed himself the simple pleasure of having.

He leans ever so slightly into your gentle touch, a foreign though not entirely unwelcome sensation.  He’s so used to hard, brutal touches; used to the pain and agony that comes with his existence.  But this… This is different.  This is soft and warm, full of a tenderness he doesn’t understand but feels himself craving.  He covers your hand with his own, holding it against his cheek before turning his head and pressing a kiss to your palm.  “It counts for everything,” he murmurs against your skin with a love, fervent rumble, “you count for everything.”  It’s as close to a declaration of love that he can manage.  He’s not capable of the soft, pretty words that you deserve.

Your heart skips in your chest at his words, your face heating up subtly before it becomes almost overwhelming.  You open your mouth to say something, to say anything, but you close it as words fail you.  His lips are surprisingly soft against the skin of your palm and for the briefest of moments you wonder what they’d feel like against your own.

A smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth, a glimmer of satisfaction in his crimson eyes.  He can see the effect he has on you, the way you’re torn between the depth of your feelings and the fear of confessing them.  Slowly, deliberately, he leans in closer.  His breath is hot against your lips, his gaze intense and searching.  “What is it?  Don’t tell me you’re holding back now.”  As he speaks, his thumb brushes over your soft lower lip.  He wonders what you’d taste like; would you be as sweet as you look?

“I like this.  I like you.  Spending time with you, I mean-- just you and me with no outside distractions.”

His eyes widen briefly, a flicker of surprise and something softer passing through.  He’s not used to such honest, unguarded statements.  There’s no sense of mockery in his response, just a low and almost tender murmur, “I like this too.  Just you and me, no one else. You’re the only thing I want right now.”

[scuderia-piastri]

networking

✮⋆˙summary: two moments where red has managed to bond with her fellow drivers, and one moment where she hasn’t (sort of)

✮⋆˙warnings: google translated spanish because i don’t speak spanish (duo is rolling in his grave), stupid fia regulations, danica patrick, pierre’s hair (or lack thereof)

✮⋆˙a/n: took a while but motivation struck at 4 am and who am i to ignore it after it ghosted me for weeks on end? also, thank you so much to my friends @foreveralbon and @vroomvroomcircuit for helping with this one !! <3

rrcsav masterlist

one

sitting in the stewards office, red’s eyes darted around to whatever her vision could focus on. plaques, posters, clocks, anything. next to her, franco stared straight ahead with not a single thought behind his eyes. and nobody could blame them, because the stewards office was definitely the last place either of them wanted to be at the moment.

but the rules were written, and no matter how unfair they were, the two drivers couldn’t avoid a summons to the stewards office for their “derogatory remarks about the FIA” at the press conference. at least the other drivers found them funny. hell, even lewis gave red a pat on the back and said not to worry. still, she doubted the team would be too happy about the fact that their new driver was about to be the first to receive a fine for the new regulations.

“so,” the steward sitting directly in front of her started the conversation, glancing down at his notes. “mr. colapinto, you and ms-“ he hesitated.

“red is fine.” she replied automatically, not bothering to wait for him to attempt to pronounce her last name.

the steward nodded. “during the press conference, you two stated that you think the new regulations were ‘unnecessary and an insult to the drivers’ rights to free speech’. i assume you both have read through the regulations of this year, and understand why the FIA has deemed them necessary?” he looked to franco.

“lo siento, no hablo inglés, no entiendo qué dices.” franco replied immediately, to which red, as well as the stewards, gave him a strange look. franco returned the look with one of his own, signaling to her to play along. (sorry, i don’t speak english, i don’t understand what you’re saying.)

getting the hint, she bit back a smile and turned to the stewards. “kya? mujhe aapka bhaat nahi samhaj tah hain. aap hamase baat kya kaarana chaahate hain?” (what? i don’t understand you. what did you want to talk to us about?)

the men in front of them looked at each other uncomfortably. “everyone-”

“estoy un poco cansado de esta reunión, tal vez deberíamos irnos ahora.” (i’m getting a bit tired of this meeting, maybe we should leave now.)

“vaah, ye office kya sundar hain. ise kon banaaya?” (wow, this office is so pretty. who made it?)

“maybe we should all go, practice should be starting soon.” the man on the far right decided, setting his notes down. “you can have a warning, this speech won’t be tolerated next time. you’re free to go.”

“ah, gracias!” franco beamed, looking at red in success.

two

“i mean, just look at how she’s performed so far. you could claim it’s the lack of experience or because she’s a rookie, but oliver bearman, an f2 driver at the time, stepped into a ferrari in 2024 on short notice on a very difficult track and still managed to finish ahead of lewis hamilton himself. let’s face it, the girl is not ready.”

red stood and watched the footage with her arms crossed. she hadn’t done as bad as danica was making it seem at all, and it wasn’t fair. of course she was behind lewis, she was a goddamn rookie up against a seven time world champion for christ’s sake.

“she talks quite a lot, doesn’t she?” ollie remarked, coming up behind red and crossing his arms as well. “she seems to have a great tendency to twist data to be in her favor and leave out important bits.”

“that’s a great way to put it.” red scoffed. “for a woman, she sure talks like she hates every other one trying to get into the sport.”

“more the reason not to pay her any attention.” ollie shrugged, turning to face red. “you did a good quali, by the way. that squeeze into q3 at the last minute after the botched strategy was impressive. i just have one question.”

she smiled back at him. “thanks, you did great too. what’s the question?”

“kimi and i have a little bet. did you and franco really manage to talk your way out of a penalty from that press conference?”

three

“no, no, i’m not saying it’s bad. i’m just saying…” red titled her head. “is flavio making you do this? do you really need to spare all the weight from the car that you can?”

pierre shot her a glare in return. “no-”

“you have to admit it’s weird to outside eyes! both you and jack just seemingly shaved your heads at the same time. if this is a call for help-”

“oh mon dieu, i don’t have time for this.”

francisca.cgomes

francisca.cgomes ❤️

redracing OH MY GOD YOURE GORGEOUSSSS

redracing oh my god pierre’s hair….

⬑ pierregasly …🤨?

⬑ redracing no, it’s nice… it’s… wow!

⬑ pierregasly Isn’t it past your bedtime?

landonorris the hair, mate 😂

⬑ redracing lots of talking for someone who looks like they walked out of a old time western saloon with that mullet

⬑ landonorris you were literally just making fun of him too!

⬑ redracing okay yeah and that was ME what’s your excuse

⬑ landonorris okay ms “had to pretend to forget english to get out of a penalty last week”

⬑ charlesleclerc lando be nice

⬑ landonorris what did i do ????

⬑ redracing thanks… dad?

⬑ oscarpiastri oh new sibling. cool. welcome to the family.

⬑ maxverstappen charles stop adopting the rookies we have too many

taglist: @sid-is-gr8 @mellowarcadefun @justadesirebel @foreveralbon @inchidentofftrack @demvnsriot

[acourtofthought]

Already sent this too another blog but I want to hear your opinion too. I just listened to an ACOTAR podcast with SJM’s friend in it( The one that wears glasses and usually does interviews with her) and they were talking about possible endgames for Elain in the podcast.

They said they don’t think with the way the books are going that Lucien and Elain will end up together. One of them even said that before she had an active elucien blog on tumblr, but she too agreed that she doesn’t think elucien will happen after their scenes in SF and FAS.

And when they were talking about the endgames for Elain they mentioned Eris and another character, I think tarquin or something. But they were both strong on the possibility of Eris which was crazy to me then. However, thinking about it now and considering how Eris, out of no where, suddenly played a huge role in ACOSF, and SJM hinting that he is about to get the Rhys treatment I am worried.

Especially with the way SJM was giddy talking about writing Eris in SF interviews and then mentioning that she’s planning stuff for Mor Azriel and Elain but never Lucien, and the set up for the renaming books, being two couples and one novella. Plus they both agree that elriel isn’t happening, and they think gwynriel is a huge possibility. I am just thinking that if gwynriel happens and Lucien doesn’t end up with Elain that rules out a book for him and that makes me so sad because IMO I think out of all the remaining characters he deserves a book the most. 😭😭 if Lucien doesn’t get a book it would break my heart.

Sorry for the long ask.

Hi there! I think Steph and Ava are a riot when they're together on their podcast. I also think it's possible Steph may know more than she lets on within her podcast. With that said, though, I often do not buy the theories Steph and Ava have come up with / talked about because there have been a few times where their knowledge of what actually happened in the books is lacking. And no shade to them, they are both extremely busy with many other things and SJM is not the only author the read / talk about. I don't think they obsess over all things SJM the way we do in the fandom (a good thing since Steph is friends with Sarah, you want a friend - not necessarily a fan girl). However, when Ava said she couldn't even remember that Elain stabbed the king and Steph said she thinks Sarah is going to write a throuple for Lucien and that he's got so much story to tell but she's not sure how we're going to get to that until he and Elain settle their bond, it did have me questioning them as a true resource of what to expect. Listen, I LOVE LOVE LOVE Lucien and I'm so excited for his story but even I know that Lucien is not taking center stage to Elain. It's an odd take to think that Lucien's got this big arc ahead of him but the only small pesky thing standing in the way of that is Elain needing to break their bond and once that's done we can move forward with him. At this point, I do have to question anyone thinking Gwynriel is 120% endgame while also believing Elain and Lucien are probably not happening. I actually don't remember them saying Eris or Tarquin are romantic possibilities for Elain but I don't think there's anything to support those statements even if they did. Eris is showing remorse for the state of his relationship with Lucien, I definitely don't see him ending up with his mate. Also, there are zero hints that Elain would end up in the Autumn Court. As far as Tarquin, Elain has literally never met him and I've got no idea what plot people are coming up with for her to meet and then fall in love with him. Sarah did talk of how she discussed what plans she had for Elain, and for Mor, and for Az. And while she didn't mention Lucien in that moment she also didn't mention a female romantic interest for Mor or a romantic interest for Az either. To me, it sort of sounds like Sarah was discussing the "lead" character for a book or spin-off while leaving the love interest a surprise. Honestly, I think the absence of Lucien's name and absence of people discussing the Elucien bond is more telling than if they were being mentioned in conversation together. Elain and Lucien had the most shocking mating bond reveals of any of Sarah's series yet I'm supposed to believe they and their bond rarely come up in any of the more recent interviews Sarah has done? It's one of the bigger unresolved plot-points to date yet it's supposed to be realistic that she's never getting questions on "What will Elain do about her bond?" "Is Lucien getting frustrated by their situation?" "Will Elain ever get to know Lucien?" I remember someone asking something before the novella came out and her response was like, "you might get answers about Elain and her bond" yet all we got was her suddenly ignoring Lucien (and no E/riel lurkers, that is not actually a true decision since Nesta began ignoring Cassian in the same book) but still not rejecting him almost two years later which means the question STILL exists to all readers.

That Elain and Lucien's names are NEVER mentioned in her interviews when they do share a bond makes me think it's intentional on her part, where she said they're off the table during discussions. Which does make sense because if you're going to mate two characters, which seems like an obvious "they're ending up together" setup, it's a smart move to have Elain ignoring him in the book and completely shut down the conversation surrounding them outside of it so it will read as more of a surprise to some. Definitely to many E/riels who are convinced we're delusional to believe Elain and Lucien could still happen.

[alex-supremacy4]

open yhe noor. OPEN THE NOO

why should i

[residentialsinyomakai]

You'll never guess who the kinda primary subject of this yappost/doodle dump is

sigh. it always comes back

Freaky ahh bowl of rice...what's he on about

"But Yōmakai isn't this a maddiman post. Why are the first two things besides the intro not ma" IM GETTING THERE. PATIENCE

I redraw Kagemura every now and then to see if I improve!! :) Think I kinda ate w this one frfr

No me mires con tus estupidos ojos

UEgh. judging you btw

Expression stuff cause I love seeing different depictions both from other people and within my own mind

Mini thing based on a. Trend jm noticing LMAO

Also this Maddiman that scared some of my friends apparently 😔💔

AU shenanigans and this idiot again. HATE HIM BLOW HIM UP NOW!!!! Jkjk i wish people drew him more i love him :)

Anyways all done :) see you!!

[the-judicial-assistants-notebook]

*KICKS THE DOOR DOWN* WWWAIT FREYA I HAVE MIXED FEELINGS ON FANDOMS VIEW OF THIS SHIP I NEED TO KNOW UR OPINION. HOMUMIKU???

WKSHJSHJDBJHAHAHAH HIIIII, GRACE!!!! ❤️💕💞💝💗💖💘💓💕💞💖💞💘

Homumiko (HUGE spoilers for DGS after the bingo sheet):

I have been waiting to get into this ship properly, because I have THOUGHTS and I need to be forced to get them out coherently.

Let's get into the basic ship itself. Honestly? No comment. I think hmmk cheats a bit by relying on the literal decades people have spent shipping Holmes and Watson together, and I doubt that they would be half as popular without this history; but, as someone who has never had strong feelings about HolmesWatson either way, I don't have that bias! Even if we're just going off of DGS and looking at how they complement and trust each other, and are obviously more comfortable around one another than most other people, I don't really have a strong opinion on them. I do think they're close, but whether that bond is platonic, romantic, sexual or some mix of the two is just not something I particularly care about. You know who I do care about, though?

Susato-san.

OKAY, SIT DOWN, EVERYONE BECAUSE THE SHIP BINGO PART OF THIS IS OVER, AND NOW WE'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE PARTS OF HMMK I DO CARE ABOUT AND WHY THAT ACTUALLY HAS VERY LITTLE TO DO WITH THEM AND EVERYTHING TO DO WITH HER.

Let's get this out of the way first. Based on my very modern sensibilities, I take a rather harsh stance on Mikotoba's parenting.

Do I think he loves his daughter? Sure. But which parts of his daughter? Because it's very easy to love a child who is always obedient, elegant and the literal embodiment of idealised Japanese womanhood without knowing or truly even looking at her. I think Susato made it easy for him to love her, because she believed she had to earn it. Her father left when she was born, consumed by grief over her mother's death -- her mother, whom she killed. I know the game tries to justify this by saying it was Jigoku who dragged him away (and I do think him leaving was good for him, because I doubt he would have been a good father even if he'd stayed due to his grief), but the point is that he still left. For six years. And when he returned, he didn't even return because of her (whether she knew that from the moment she met him or not is debatable, but I think, at least on a subconscious level, she knew. And, of course, it's also debatable whether he could have returned sooner because of his commitment as a transfer student, but the Mikotobas are a powerful family, and, if Soseki could return before his period of learning was fully up, I think he would have been able to pull strings to return home if he wanted to).

This falls under speculation, so I understand not agreeing with it, but I don't think Mikotoba ever properly spoke to Susato when she was a child, especially not about what he did in England. I believe that a part of the reason why Susato started reading the Sherlock Holmes stories to begin with was because they featured a doctor in London, like her father had been, and she wanted to feel closer to him through those stories. And it probably worked! Her father probably did start engaging with her more after after she picked them up, because it was an easy way to connect with her. That's why I believe she was so insistent on the existence of John H. Watson, as a doctor, when she met Iris and learnt the truth.

There's this distance between Susato and her father which glimpse in moments in the game, like how he remarks on her lack of composure in court (suggesting that he isn't used to seeing her yamato nadeshiko mask slip), how he less requests her trust and more orders or expects it forthright, and how he seems reluctant to face the parts of her that inconvenience him (like how he asks her to play the koto when he isn't home and how, when faced by her real anger, he looks to Holmes to explain the situation rather than actually attempt to himself).

HOWEVER, in the setting of the game (Meiji-era Japan), I will concede that Mikotoba is a fantastic father. He may not have been very present in her life growing up, but men largely weren't expected to be. Their jobs were to provide for their children, not nurture them. And Mikotoba went well beyond his duty in that regard. Add to that the fact that he had her properly educated, ensured she knew how to defend herself, and allowed her to pursue her studies overseas at a level that was on par with any man, and you can see that he's really quite a great father; which is why I don't think he sees his absence as a flaw or even notices he was absent. Susato, though, does.

Now, Susato is obviously a product of her time, too, so I believe she'd be insulted if anyone was to suggest that her father or childhood was lacking in some way. That being said, I do believe she is aware of the distance between them in a way he is not. I think her affection for him is founded on a sense of duty and filial piety rather than pure love (although, obviously, she does love him), and, as she grew older, she stopped vying for his affection; hence why she's obsessed with the Great Detective more so than anyone else when we meet her. I also think that this distance contributed to her becoming so attached to Kazuma, in spite of the fact that he kept her at arm's length, too; he may not have allowed her very close, but he was always there, and he saw her for who she truly was. When she leaves at the end of the first game, Susato is not so much anxious that her father is ill as she is shaken -- she seems more upset that she's leaving her Baker Street family rather than that her actual father might be dying, and I think that's because she knows how to live without him. This distance between them, I believe, becomes all the more apparent to her when she goes to London and sees the deep bond held between Iris and Holmes.

And, speaking of, you know who else I think is aware of the distance between them and the part he played in creating that distance? The Great Detective himself, Mr. Sherlock Holmes.

See, I think Holmes has always known about Susato. I'm quite sure that, from the moment they met, he knew that Mikotoba was running away from something and that he had left an infant daughter back home. He just didn't care.

We don't know what Holmes was like when he was younger, but I believe he was a lot closer to how he appears in a lot of modern adaptations and how Watson describes him in some of the Sherlock Holmes stories: the 'cold, calculating computer' character. I don't think it's a stretch to think that Holmes viewed marriage and children as mere distractions and interferences to the mind; and Mikotoba was, presumably, his first real friend. He wasn't going to let something pesky like a baby back home detract from his friend's obviously sterling character and brain! After all, it's a lot easier to ignore this nebulous, abstract entity when you simply consider its existence, and thus its abandonment, unimportant. It's a lot easier when you don't know what it's like to be a father yourself. It's a lot easier when you don't know her.

Here's the thing: I believe Holmes's image of and relation to Mikotoba began changing from the time he started raising Iris. Suddenly, that inconsequential baby seemed to bear quite a bit of consequence, actually. But it was still all right to keep dismissing her, because maybe Mikotoba's baby wasn't special the way Iris was. Maybe she was a brat or an idiot, and really not worth much time at all! Maybe she could've lived without him and been perfectly fine, regardless...? As time went on, I believe the excuses he made for Mikotoba's decision all those years ago became increasingly flimsy, but he was still able to hold onto them because The Daughter was still an indistinct figure in his mind. She wasn't quite real.

That is, until he met her.

In the game, Holmes tends to keep a certain width between himself and Susato. He very rarely initiates conversation with her the way he does Ryuunosuke, and from a Doylist (ha) perspective, this is obviously because Ryuunosuke is... the main character. Looking at it from a narrative perspective, though, I think he was afraid of hurting more than he already has and must.

Holmes is a very resolute man. He sticks by his decisions regardless of what anyone else thinks, so I don't think he ever regretted what he did. However, I do think he felt guilty. Certainly, he didn't quite take her father away from her, but he did play a role in keeping him from her for so long. I think there was a part of him that consciously guided Mikotoba away from thinking about Japan while they lived together, because, well... he didn't want him to leave.

There's an interesting layer to the separation that Holmes creates with Susato, because, beyond the distance he maintains between her and himself, he also keeps her identity separate from her father's. Contrary to how he refers to Ryuunosuke by his last name, Holmes only ever calls Susato "Miss Susato" or "my dear (madame)", and never "Miss Mikotoba". I view this is his way of, perhaps subconsciously, dividing from that little girl he once decided did not matter. And it's interesting because, to an extent, he tries to do with her and Kazuma, too.

In the SS Burya case, despite meeting Susato first and seeing how affected she is by Kazuma's "death", Holmes largely ignores her in favour of focusing on Ryuunosuke and his bond with Kazuma. He calls Kazuma Ryuunosuke's "dear companion" and pretty much only interacts with Susato when he has little other choice... until he sees her cry.

See, I believe that when Holmes found out Susato was going to England and was about to be wrapped up in the whole messy affair, he was fully committed to Not Giving a Damn about Her. Sure, he would let her and Kazuma live with him, but by no means was he going to allow himself to grow attached to her because, again, he values his relationship and history with Mikotoba too much for it to get complicated in this way. Susato's relative composure throughout the case helps him hold on to this resolution; however, when he catches that final conversation between her and Ryuunosuke in the cabin, he is finally forced to see and acknowledge the amount of pain she is truly in. It forces him to at last face the fact that he can't avoid or fake aloofness around her any longer, because she is not some nebulous, distant entity he can continue to ignore. She is an actual girl with a fiercely strong spirit, a brilliant mind and real, human emotions. A girl whom he's hurt twice-over now and must continue hurting until all his lies finally come to light.

When he makes that decision to enter the cabin and console her the only way he knows how, he throws away any hope he had of feeling anything but apathy towards her. In truth, he probably didn't have much hope of that to begin with, because at his core, Sherlock Holmes is a good man, and he cares.

He cares for her, too, even though he may have no right to. How could he not, when she loves him so openly, trusts him so readily, saves his life? How could he not, when she comes to him in the middle of the night with a secret she can't tell anyone else because his judgement is the only one she wholly trusts and believes in? How could he not, when she refuses to accept he lied despite the living, breathing evidence he did until he admits it himself? How could he not, when after everything he has done, she still looks at him the way she always has and says that she's proud that her father is the assistant of "the Great Detective"?

How could anyone not? How could Mikotoba not... love her the second he laid eyes on her?

And of course this doesn't shatter his love for Mikotoba -- he has no right to these feelings in the first place: no matter how indignant or guilty he may feel, it doesn't change the fact that he has been lying to and manipulating her the entire time they've known one another. He can't even bring himself to tell her that he's been lying; he has to go through Ryuunosuke instead, because, even after all this time, he still can't face the woman whom he's done nothing but cause pain for from the moment she was born. When he can't even give her that ounce of respect, who is he to judge Mikotoba?

So he doesn't. Till the end of the game, he keeps Susato at a distance and pretends that everything between him and Mikotoba is as it was from the start. But, inside, I think he knows it isn't. Because I think Holmes can see that Mikotoba doesn't feel half as guilty about what they've done as he does, and that he doesn't view the fact that he left Susato 16 years ago as a real problem. And while he doesn't judge Mikotoba for that, I don't think he can look past it anymore. That final investigation and dance of deduction, to me, is less an assurance that they are still the same partners they were before, and more a final farewell to their old, uncomplicated bond -- the one that did exist before they grew to love other people and understand what love truly meant to both of them.

Going back to the ship itself, I think shipping them pre-DGS works perfectly well. They both had a huge impact on each other's life and changed one another for the better; Holmes by drawing Mikotoba out from his grief, and Mikotoba by pulling Holmes from his life of solitude and loneliness. They needed each other, but it is also because of these reasons that I think there was an issue of codependency between them, hence the semi-horrible for each other box I gave them. With Mikotoba, it's clear cut. Holmes helped him run away from his very real issues at home and allowed him to live like he was a bachelor with zero familial obligations again. With Holmes, it gets a bit more foggy, but I believe that Mikotoba basically allowed him to live believing he was the only person Holmes would ever truly connect with and properly befriend. Holmes is obviously his own person and whatnot, but I do think there was a bit of unhealthy attachment there on his end if not both.

During DGS and post-DGS is where their ship gets more complicated for me, because, while Susato is still very much there at the beginning of their relationship, her role in their lives and what they did to her becomes impossible to ignore once she and Holmes actually meet. I don't believe that they can just pick up from where they left off because there is now (imo) a fundamental disagreement in how they view their actions and how it affected her. So, even if they do go back to being lovers or whatever afterwards, I feel that there should be this chasm or weight between them that they simply don't talk about or acknowledge in any way. Because I don't think they'd discuss it. Holmes because it isn't his place, Mikotoba because he sees it as a non-issue (maybe he doesnt even notice this distance), and both because sweeping unpleasantness under the rug is so ingrained into their cultures.

My main issue with the way this ship is often portrayed post-DGS (why they got a 50-50 on the I would erase them from existence box) is that it ignores what happened with Susato. The few times I've seen the concern that she might have an issue with their relationship even brought up in hmmk works is always because they're gay. Which, like!! Fair!!! It's the 1800s, I get it, but!!!! You're ignoring the actual, very big issue for why she might be hurt and that's because DGS ends with her finding out that three of the men she's closest to have been lying and using her for their own means her entire life!!!!!!!! And she just has to take it!!!!!!!

Which brings me to the second most popular interpretation of this ship which doesn't just put Iris and Susato in a box somewhere unseen, and that's the one where all four of them are a peaceful happy family with 0 issues! And this one bothers me because it seems like it's taking what Susato said at the end of the reveal as what she 100% sincerely meant down to her core, rather than something she had to say because (1) it is her duty to honour her father no matter what, and (2) because Iris was there. When she learns the entire truth, I don't think Susato knows what she truly thinks or feels about any of it; but she sees Iris, and she sees this little girl who was abandoned through her circumstances as a baby, named after her mother, and forced to grow up much sooner than she should have been, and she sees a girl who is more her sister than anyone else. So she does what she always has and tucks away her own emotions so she might tend to someone else's. She has been the perfect daughter her whole life; she can be the perfect sister.

Even if you don't subscribe to the, admittedly, harsh view of Mikotoba's parenting that I do, I don't see how you can get away from the fact that they still lied to her for a significant portion of time. Especially from Holmes, whom she trusted and believed in more than anyone else! In the face of his shoddy deductions, she still held onto her unwavering belief that he was a genius and a good man, and then it comes out that he's just been lying to her from the first day he met her. I just can't extract the ship from their treatment of Susato, so when I say that I would erase the ship from existence, it's mainly about these two bits. As with Asoryuu, the primary reason why I don't ship them personally is because I can't do that to her.

And, obviously, it's just shipping and fun and games, and everyone should feel free to ship whoever in whatever way they want bUT IN A SPECIAL WORLD MADE PERFECTLY FOR ME. iris would be perfectly oblivious, and susato would have tossed both holmes and mikotoba into the thames and left them to figure it out. In a world that must still vaguely make sense with the canon of the game, though, then Holmes would have given Mikotoba the boot and taken the kids; because he may be a coward, but at least I can see that he knows he fucked up, and he allows Susato to set the terms of their relationship, just like he does Iris.

Anyway, I'm so sorry for how long, convoluted and only tangentially-related to the ask this is, but thank you so much for it, Grace!!!! I don't think I quite got down what I meant precisely, but it's the closest to coherency I've ever gotten so. Thank you 💖💕💗💓💕💘💕

[moonjade]

When you think you’re over something and then you see a reminder of it and you start hurting again like the thing had just happened 🙃

[valeriehalla]

I am so utterly fascinated by “Saki”, the 18-year-running mahjong manga in which you, the reader, become gradually, frog-boilingly aware (over the course of nearly two decades’ worth of mahjong tournaments) that none of these girls are wearing underwear and most of their boobs are slowly expanding.

I need you to understand that I have, like, an anthropological level fascination with this comic. From the perspective of someone who is also a comic artist and writer, two things delight me about it:

the fact that I understand completely how an artist gets from “the fans can have a little hint of skirted asscheek” to “the pussy is completely out on center page” over the course of 18 years; and

the way in which the pussy being out is treated by the characters and diegesis as being utterly unremarkable.

Okay. Point 1. The frog-boiling.

Let me put this in perspective for you. There was already a meme about how the characters in “Saki” don’t wear underwear when I was in middle school. I am thirty now. Okay? And it’s still going.

In the time since, this has stopped being a joke. It is now indisputable canon. This is not because anyone outright says it at any point. It’s because the underwear ran out of places to hide. I’m obsessed with this thought: somewhere in the over 20 volumes of “Saki”, there is a panel in which underwear was objectively deconfirmed. And it would be so hard to figure out where that panel actually is. Maybe the artist didn’t even realize it when she drew it! The frog? Boiling!!

And of course there is also the breast expansion. I don’t know how to put a spin on this. They are just expanding. Like, this happens a lot with artists: you define a character as being, in your mind, “the one with the big boobs”, and over the years you emphasize that trait further and further so that the signal doesn’t get lost in the noise. It’s just that normally—in like a wildly popular manga series about mahjong published by literally Square Enix, for example—normally there would be a point at which the boobs stopped getting bigger. Like, an editor would step in or something. Or you would get to the point where you cannot draw the character in the same panel as her mahjong tiles without her breasts spilling over the tiles, and you’d go, “Well, this is now untenable.”

That did not happen. There is no ceiling. The frog is soup.

Point 2. The complete and utter mundanity of all of this.

It’s like this, okay: there’s no shortage of trashy ecchi manga out there. There’s a million other comics doing wildly bawdier things with wildly more improbable bishoujos.

The vibe with “Saki” is different.

It’s hard to explain this, but it feels like the world of the comic is fundamentally uninterested in the fanservice happening on the page. I cannot describe it as “leering”, because I cannot conceive of a person in the story from whose point of view one would leer. I think the artist is probably into it—I can’t imagine anyone is making her do this—but “Saki” the comic has no opinion on the matter.

There are essentially no male characters in “Saki”. Like, there was one guy? Kind of? At the very beginning? But he is gone now. They put him back in the toybox. He does not exist. It appears to be some level of canonical that in the world of “Saki”, almost all humans are women. Those women are sometimes romantically into each other. According to comments the artist has made on Twitter (which I cannot source), they have lesbian baby technology, so it’s no problem. It’s so much not a problem that the story is about mahjong, instead of any of that.

So, like, the fiction here appears to be this: this is the, like, meta-narrative of the fanservice of “Saki”, right: it’s just normal that they don’t wear underwear and their boobs are arbitrarily big. It’s been normal. It was normal before the story of the manga began. It’s just how things are. Nobody bats an eye about it, and if they do, it’s in sort of a lesbian kind of way so like what’s the problem, we love lesbians here. This is literally normal for girls.

The fanservice simply diffuses into this all-encompassing aura of disembodied, ambient sluttiness. The framing of the panels demands you acknowledge it, and the story demands you already be over it, because it’s mahjong time now, and we’re playing mahjong.

Do you get??? why I’m so fascinated??? Are you not a little enraptured???

Anyway, I have no idea how to end this weird post. I guess the conclusion is that women stay winning????

[psychopomp-namine]

<- fake kh fan. I just found out that don't think twice is a separate song, lyrically, from chikai. I thought it was the english version... no? the lyrics are different?

utada hikaru oh my goodd I didn't know these were two songs responding to each other. head in hands HEAD IN HANDS

[oddly-informed-raven]

Listening to Girl in Red's i wanna be your girlfriend on repeat in my room alone rn. No reason. Just for funsies.

[keeps-ache]

my computer wants to update so bad. which is a real shame,

[anepiphany]

guys i have successfully embarrassed myself to a whole new level and should probably search up how to change my phone number or turn back time idk

[babycharmander]

(BOOK OF BILL SPOILERS)

I just finished reading The Book of Bill and I am kindof losing my mind over some of this stuff.

I had wondered if Alex Hirsch might make Bill sympathetic in some way and oh boy I was not expecting him to do it so successfully (and without cheapening Bill's character).

So, we learn that Bill was born into a 2D world... as a mutant who can see into the third dimension. He claims he was absolutely loved by all, but when talking about his powers, he mentions under Pyrokinesis:

"Cipher, Cipher, he's insane / Starting fires with his brain." The kids in grade school could be so cruel. But where are they now, huh? WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

So probably not quite as liked as he was letting on. To add to that, there's the silly straw page, which looks like silly nonsense until you decipher some of the codes:

"EYE DOCTOR OF A DIFFERENT KIND / WHO WANTS TO MAKE HIS PATIENTS BLIND" "THE DOCTOR SAYS / THREE SIPS A DAY / WILL MAKE THE VISIONS / GO AWAY"

I wasn't sure what this meant until I saw someone point out... he was seeing a third dimension that no one else could see. His parents probably took him to the eye doctor to try to "fix" him. Which, speaking of his eye doctor, the coded message in the section about human eyeballs says something interesting:

"MY OPTOMETRIST NEVER SAW IT COMING"

It could be a joke given beforehand he's talking about dissecting a human eye, but given the previous hints of medical abuse, I wouldn't put it past him that he tried to get revenge on his eye doctor.

Oh yeah and the whole thing about him setting his entire dimension on fire? Yeah it turns out it was entirely a mistake (he just wanted everyone to understand the third dimension he was seeing so they could be free of only two dimensions), he was so traumatized by it he blacks out when trying to recall it. He deeply, deeply regrets it, and...

"What? Your ENTIRE home dimension? destroyed? How? By what?" Bill looked distant, more distant than I'd ever seen him. "By a monster."

He sees himself as a monster.

And yet, he's not some innocent, misunderstood being. He still revels in causing pain and chaos. He's terrible in general, but becomes incredibly abusive toward Ford.

"YOU'RE MY PROPERTY. DON'T FORGET IT. The hillbilly abandoned you, your father won't want you returning without millions, you have no friends, and if you died out here in the snow, who would even miss you?"

Which... speaking of him and Ford...

Yes, yes, I know people ship them. But like, whether you see their relationship as romantic or platonic (I see it as the latter), there's some interesting parallels to be made here.

Both Bill and Ford are mutants who were mocked for their being different. (Bill was not physically a mutant, as far as we know, but more in the sense of him having vision stronger than that of everyone else in his dimension, and also having special powers. And he does describe himself as a mutant.) Both became social outcasts, separated from their families but still haunted by them (Ford seeing commercials of Stan on TV and running across old photos of him and his brother, Bill being haunted by his family in some form). Neither could return home for one reason or another. Both more powerful than their peers (Ford intellectually, Bill in terms of actual powers). Both of them isolated and alone. (Yes, Bill does have the Henchmaniacs, but they seem like shallow friends, and only really seem to follow him out of a desire to have a place to party.)

Ford was not aware of most of this, aside from knowing that Bill could not go home because his dimension was destroyed. But Bill absolutely saw himself in Ford. There was no other person he tried to use whom he felt a stronger connection to.

And he actually seems to care about Ford--he actually gave him a birthday present, and when Ford didn't like it, he decided to get drunk and party with him instead to make up for it.

And then when Ford realizes what Bill's plan actually is and refuses to go along with it, and fights back no matter what Bill does, Bill completely breaks down.

After living for trillions of years, he met someone who was like him, and that person rejected him.

He goes berserk, wreaking havoc, being caught by the dimensional authority that he's been taunting for most of his life.

And then after dying and being cast out of hell for being too annoying, he winds up faced with the Axolotl, who sends him to therapy, where he continues to break down further, sending out the book in a desperate attempt to find someone, anyone who will help him break loose and wreak havoc once again.

"You have no friends, and if you died ... who would even miss you?"

I don't know, Bill. Who would even miss you?

In short,

[ID: The front and back of one of Bill's Valentines cards. On the front is a black void with Bill Cipher lying down without his hat, gazing blankly upwards, with the text "I DON'T WANT TO DIE ALONE" above him. On the back is a simple white "TO/FROM" in red, with a red outline illustration of Bill spontaneously growing a mouth and eating a realistic, bloody heart. /end ID]