#i can be optimistic a.m.

[javierpena-inatacvest]

Chapter 22 pt.1- Plus One

Summary: One weekday in September, you and Javi learn that your family is getting a very welcomed addition to your family

Word Count: 15.2K

Warnings: SMUT (18+) unprotected p in v sex, oral (f receiving) vaginal fingering, praise kink, breeding kink (listen... she's already pregnant, but Javi's an optimist LOL), general talk of pregnancy, doctor's appointment, nausea/morning sickness, Dad to be!Javi makes me weak in the mf'in knees (I'm being so fr, the man is built to be a dad), The Murphy's/Chucho/Your family may have a gambling problem

A/N: This is me bracing myself for y'all to throw rotten fruit at me in the public square while you boo and his because this literally took 6 months AND I AM SO DEEPLY, TRULY SORRY ABOUT IT 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 Me and this chapter have been in a wrestling match since November, but she's finally here!!! I'm planning on splitting up Javi and Osita's pregnancy journey by trimester, so this chapter is months 1-3, next chapter will be months 4-6, etc... I know I sound like a broken record, but the love that you guys have shown this story and these characters legit makes me want to cry, I think part of the reason this took so long is bc after this, there's only two more chapters before NTL is a wrap, and that's a very weird thing to say. So regardless, I just wanna say I love y'all and love getting to share this story with you and I'm just feeling really sappy about it 🥹💛 OKAY ANYWAYS, YOU CAN CONTINUE WITH THE BOOING AND TOMATO PELTING, I'M SORRY AGAIN!!!!

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Month 1 

“I swear to God, if I’m already getting sick two weeks into the school year, I’m gonna cry.” 

Finding yourself hunched over your toilet bowl at 6:30 A.M. was not the way you were planning to start your Wednesday morning, but after tossing and turning for the past hour in bed with a terrible pit in your stomach, you didn’t feel like you had much of a choice. 

Being the light sleeper and worry wart he was, Javi was up with you, despite your best attempts to tell him to go back to bed, considering there was nothing he could do for your upset stomach besides watch you vomit repeatedly into your toilet. Trying his best to stay awake without his mandatory dose of morning coffee, Javi sat on the bathroom floor next to you, still in nothing but his boxers as he simultaneously rubbed the sleep out of his eyes with one hand and your back with another. 

“I think I’m just gonna start wearing a hazmat suit to school.” You sighed, sitting up a little straighter, starting to feel at least a little bit of relief after feeling like you had finally emptied the last of anything left in your stomach. “I think that’s the last of it for now. Fuck, I gotta take a shower before I do anything else to get ready.” 

“Get ready? Osita, you just spent an hour throwing up. You should be taking the day off.” Javi shot up, your proposition now making him fully awake, shocked that you would even consider going into work after the events of this morning. 

With a remorseful grunt, you pushed yourself off the bathroom floor, trying to stretch and shake out any remainder of your sickness  as you stepped over Javi to turn on the shower. 

“Jav, it’s more work for me to call in sick and make sub plans than it will be for me to just go into school. I don’t even have my normal plans ready since it’s the beginning of the school year. Worst case, Maria can watch my class if I need to throw up again, or very worst case, I bring in the rolling TV cart and put on Bill Nye the Science Guy for them.” You sighed, stripping yourself of your pajamas and tossing them on the floor before pushing open the shower curtain and slipping under the steaming flow of hot water. 

“Jesus Christ…” Javi whispered under his breath, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration at your stubbornness. “Honey, I’m just worried that-” 

“Javi, I’ll be fine. You gonna write my sub plans and teach for me today? If that’s the case, go right ahead and I’ll stay home. Seriously?” You snapped, a little more sass in your tone than you had intended, your frustrations more at the circumstances of your job and less at Javi’s suggestion. You stood in silence for a moment, the rhythmic splash of the water from the showerhead hitting the floor of the tub as your stomach began to fill with guilt in the way you had responded to Javi after he had spent his whole morning sitting beside you in the bathroom while you threw up. 

“I’m- I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.” You muttered, pushing back the shower curtain to look at Javi, jaw shifting back and forth as he grinded on his teeth, trying his best to make sure his lack of sleep and coffee didn’t turn the rest of the morning into a war zone because of your comment. 

“It’s okay, Osita. What can I do to help?” 

“Can you make me breakfast?” You asked sheepishly, tears starting to well in your eyes that you had taken your anger out on Javi, and despite that, he was still offering to help. 

“Of course, baby. What do you want?” 

“Just eggs and toast.” 

“Okay. Just worry about getting ready and I’ll take care of everything else. I love you.” Javi smiled, giving your arm a little squeeze. 

Suddenly, a wave of emotion seemed to crash through your body, your wet, teary eyes now transforming to full on sobs, feeling such an intense combination of guilt and appreciation for how wonderful your husband was, and how terrible you felt that you had reacted to him the way that you did.

Just as soon as Javi was about to get up and make you breakfast while you fought to get yourself ready for work, he was back, crouched down next to you as he heard the sound of your soft sniffles and tears. 

“Baby, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” Javi asked, concern flooding his face, reaching up to wipe your wet cheek with his thumb as he cradled your jaw. 

“I’m so sorry I was so mean about that, I- I- I know you’re just trying to help. Sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying.” You sighed, shaking your head and trying to laugh off your teary state. “I’m fine. I didn’t mean to get so mad at you, I don’t know why I’m so all over the place right now.” 

“Hermosa, it’s okay. I promise. Why don’t you get in the shower, I’ll make you breakfast, and pack up all your stuff for this morning.” Javi smiled softly, pressing a soft kiss into your messy, morning bed head before exiting the bathroom, leaving you to finally start getting ready for the day. 

After a pain-stakingly nauseous shower, followed by eating approximately two bites of toast and no eggs, you somehow managed to make it to school on time, but spent the entirety of the day fighting for your life as waves of stomach pain and exhaustion crashed through you. As if teaching wasn’t tiring enough in itself, trying to wrangle 26 3rd graders while holding back the little you ate of your breakfast was enough to completely knock you on your ass by lunch time, leaving you to lock yourself in your room after dropping your students off at the cafeteria, praying that the hour of peace and quiet would help you make it through the rest of the day. 

Unfortunately, even with your door locked, your nosy co-workers needed to investigate why you hadn’t shown up to the staff lounge to eat, and were soon knocking on your window to demand answers for your absence. 

“Mija, what’s going on? Why aren’t you at lunch?” Maria demanded as she barged through your door, quickly followed by Estelle and Linda. “I’ve been dying to tell you about what Carlos’s younger brother did today during math and- Oh, cariño, you look terrible.” Maria’s train of thought seemed to come to a complete halt as soon as she locked eyes with you, hunched over your desk with heavy eyes and grimaced face. 

“Rude, Maria, dios mío.” Linda groaned, giving Maria a sharp jab to her ribs at her friend’s bluntness before looking over at you, trying her best not to comment as directly at your disheveled appearance. “No offense, honey, but you look like you do not feel well at all. Are you okay?” 

“It’s fine, I feel terrible so I’m sure I don’t look any better.” You huffed, scrunching your face as you stood up, trying to fight your nausea as you came to your feet. “I’ve been throwing up all morning, and when I’m not throwing up, I feel so nauseous that I want to throw up.” 

“Mija, why are you not at home?! I need to come over and smack some sense into that husband of yours for letting you go to work today.” Maria scolded, glaring at you with disapproval, arms crossed against her chest. 

“It’s not Javi’s fault, he tried to get me to stay home today too, but you guys know what a pain it is to make sub plans. It was just easier to come in today.” You sighed, your eyes traveling back and forth between your co-workers in front of you and the trash can beside your desk, feeling an uncomfortable lump creeping up from your stomach and into your throat. 

“So Javi’s not sick?” Estelle asked, shaking your head no silently in response. 

“Well it’s probably not food poisoning then…” Linda pondered, trying to diagnose your ailments, “unless you ate the grilled cheese they were serving in the cafeteria yesterday, because that definitely looked questionable. No kids in your class with the stomach bug? Chucho’s not sick?” 

You shook your head no again, this time, your eyes solely locked on the trash can, trying with everything in you to keep down whatever was bubbling up. 

The women stood quietly, thinking to themselves to try and come up with a solution for your sickness, seemingly stumped, until an ear to ear grin began to creep across Maria’s face. 

“Maybe it is Javi’s fault.” 

“Aye, aye, aye, Maria, what do you think the man did, try to poison her?” Estelle asked, the rest of you staring at Maria in complete confusion as to how Javi had anything to do with your current state. 

It was then that Linda suddenly seemed to catch on to Maria’s subtle suggestion, her smile lighting up just as bright as her co-workers while you stood there in an ever nauseous confusion. 

“What am I missing?” Estelle  asked, looking back and forth between Linda and Maria, the two ladies both standing with arms crossed and brows raised, smirking and nodding at their friend. 

“Mija, any chance that you don’t just feel nauseous, hmmm? Perhaps, emotional, tired, achy?” 

“I- I mean, yeah, but it’s the second week of school, Maria, I think everyone is tired and emotional and probably achy, too.” You groaned, scrunching your face and swallowing hard to keep the unpleasant feeling creeping up your throat at bay. 

“Oooooooooohhhhhh.” Estelle cooed, connecting the dots of Maria’s cryptic symptom description, the 3 ladies standing in a giddy mutual suspicion for your current state. 

You stood there, in a silent stare down of confusion, eyes darting back and forth between your giggling co-workers, waiting in an anxious anticipation for you to read their minds and understand why they were suddenly filled with so much glee watching you practically keel over at your desk. 

Suddenly, it hit you. 

A final, violent wave of nausea crashed through you, frantically reaching for your trashcan to bury your face in as you threw up what little you had managed to eat today, your newly emptied stomach making way for a new, very different type of wave than the one you had just experienced. 

An inevitable wave of clarity. A surmounting wave of realization. A wave of piecing together all of the little clues your body had been leaving you. 

Nauseous. 

Tired. 

Emotional. 

Sore. 

And now that you were thinking about it, your period was supposed to have started 3 days ago. 

“Oh my god…” You whispered into your trash can, hands shaking and heart racing out of your chest. “Do you think- Do you think that I’m-” 

“Mija, all I will say, is that when I found out I was pregnant with all three of my boys, I didn’t feel much different from how you are now.” Maria smirked, cutting off the rest of your drawn out thought.

Trying to find any words in your haze of disbelief, the shrill ringing of the lunch bell flooded your classroom, the 4 of you realizing that despite your new revelation, you had classrooms full of children you needed to go retrieve and teach for the rest of the day. 

“Oh, of course this is when the lunch bell decides to ring…” Linda huffed, rolling her eyes as the dinging continued, the ladies now quickly scampering towards the door to avoid getting a scolding from the cafeteria workers about being late to pick up their class because they were chatting. 

“W-wait-” You stammered, slowly trailing behind them, trying to catch their attention before they were too far gone, “Please don’t tell anyone about this. If Chucho or Javi find out before I can tell them, I-” 

“Oh honey, I know we gossip and gab like it’s no one’s business, but all of us have been in your same shoes before and wouldn’t dare ruin your special moment for you, if that’s what it turns out to be.” Estelle smiled, gently rubbing your arm in reassurance, her eyes glistening with a genuine confirmation that your secret was safe with them. 

“Besides,” Maria laughed, subtly lifting her gaze towards the sky, “If we ruined this moment for you and Javi, I think Lucia would find a way to come back from the dead, strike us all down where we stand, then drag us all back with her.” 

“Thank you.” You sighed, softly smiling at your co-workers, grateful for their understanding, a small twinge of sadness behind all of your laughter, knowing how excited Javi’s mom would have been to find out there was a chance she was finally getting the grandchild she had always longed for. 

“Now go, get out whatever is left of your lunch before the kids come back. We’ll get them from the lunchroom. Lord knows that you could be crawling towards your death bead and those little monsturos (monsters) wouldn’t show you any mercy.” 

As if perfectly on cue, another unpleasant grumble began to growl in your stomach, hunching back over your poor trash can as your co-workers scurried away, leaving you to ponder how in the world you were going to make it through this afternoon if the nerve wracking suspense, or more likely, knee-buckling nausea, didn’t kill you first. 

Some way or another, you managed to make it to the last bell, locking up your classroom and sprinting out to your car before the last busses had even left, driving like a NASCAR racer to the nearest drugstore. You left CVS with no less than 3 different types of pregnancy tests, not wanting to take any chances that something strange or faulty was going to stop you from getting the answers you had been dying to know since lunch. 

The rest of your ride home was a terribly unsettling mixture of nerves and anticipation, wondering if the pounding feeling in your gut was because you actually needed to vomit, or you were just so anxious that you felt like you could at any second regardless. 

As you pulled into your driveway, you were thankful to find that there wasn’t some strange reason that Javi had beaten you home today, grabbing your shopping bag of pregnancy tests from the front seat, and foregoing anything else you had to bring in from your car as you bolted to the front door. 

Your dog, Bear, was ecstatic to greet you upon your return home, his tail wildly wagging and thumping as you walked through your entryway, feeling guilty for not giving him the same amount of prolonged love and attention you normally would when you returned home, rushing him to the backyard to go to the bathroom after being inside all day so you could do the same. 

While Bear trotted around in your backyard, finding a good place to do his business, you were rushing over to your kitchen, rustling through your cupboards to find a cup you wouldn’t be mad had to go to waste because it had been filled with your pee. Eventually, you were able to find an old, chipped “Everything is Bigger in Texas” mug, with letters so faded that you honestly were even unaware of its existence until this point. Worst case, if it was a special mug that Javi secretly loved, you were sure a positive pregnancy test would warrant its use to be filled with your urine. 

Bear let out a happy bark at the backdoor, stumbling his way into the house and immediately gluing himself to your side, practically in lock step with you as you grabbed your mug and CVS bag before making your way up the stairs to your bedroom, plowing open the attached bathroom door to spread your contents all over the countertop. 

Normally, you would have been a little annoyed that Bear had followed you into the bathroom and plopped himself down right next to your feet as you sat on the toilet, awkwardly shifting the mug between your legs, focusing as hard as you could to pee, but there was something calming about your big, goofy, golden retriever settling right beside you, keeping you company. 

After you had finished peeing way more than probably needed into the cup, you carefully set it next to you on the counter, grabbing each box of pregnancy tests and opening them to read the instruction manual inside before plucking a wrapped test out of each. 

Your hands were shaking so badly at this point, you were shocked you hadn’t dropped anything yet, because knowing your luck, it would have been the cup of pee all over your bathroom floor. Carefully, you unwrapped each of your 3 tests with trembling hands, uncapping each before dipping them into the yellow liquid, ready to embark on the longest 5 minutes and 15 seconds of your life. 

“1… 2… 3… 4… 5…” 

“1… 2… 3… 4… 5…” 

“1… 2… 3… 4… 5…” 

With all of your tests dipped, you flipped them face down, looking over at the digital clock by your toothbrushes to see its bright red numbers read “4:52”, readying yourself to count down the seconds until it reached “4:57”. 

Years may have well been passing with each minute that went by, anxiously pacing back and forth across the cold tiles of the bathroom floor, every single emotion you had ever felt in your entire life now festering at the forefront of your mind, feeling like your life was flashing before your eyes, time ticking down before 3 little plastic sticks determined if the course of your life was about to be forever changed. 

The excitement of picturing your belly grow, carrying life that you and Javi had made, knowing what a good father Javi would be, and what an amazing family the two of you, maybe soon to be three of you would have together. 

The anxiety of wondering if you were fit to be a mom, all the mistakes you could make in raising a tiny little human and bringing them into a world you wouldn’t always be able to protect them from. 

The bittersweet melancholy of watching your friends and family embrace your child into their lives, showering it with love and joy, when some of the people that you and Javi had cared about most wouldn’t be there to partake. 

The indescribable feeling of knowing that your life would never be the same- for better, for worse, through the highest highs and lowest lows, your journey would no longer be just about you or Javi, it would be for your own little family. 

You could feel your heart practically beating out of your chest as you paced up and down the length of your bathroom, Bear trailing behind you in lock step as you took your final lap, watching the clock finally hit 4:57. 

For as badly as you wanted to look, you almost couldn’t bring yourself to open your eyes, the first test you grabbed still flipped over in your hands, test results facing the bathroom counter. 

You took three deep breaths, each one longer and slower than the last, holding the test in your trembling hands before opening your eyes to see the fate of yours and Javi’s future laying in your palms. Because there in your hands, was the start to the rest of your lives. 

Two pink lines. 

You almost couldn’t believe it, frantically scrambling for the other two tests, flipping them over much more haphazardly than you had the first, praying with everything in you that the first test wasn’t just a fluke. 

Two more sets of two pink lines. 

“Oh my god…. Oh my god?!” You whispered to yourself, tears beginning to well in your eyes in blissful disbelief, mouth shooting over your hand to cover the audible gasp that escaped your lips, now stretched in the widest smile to have ever graced your face. “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. Oh my god?!” You couldn’t stop chanting it, the phrase spilling out of your mouth as the only sentence your brain could manage to comprehend. 

Holding each test up one at a time, over and over, you kept inspecting them, making sure your eyes weren’t playing some sort of dirty trick on you, that you were imagining the extra line you had wanted so desperately to be there. After holding up each test in every corner of your bathroom, triple checking under any different lighting you could find, there was absolutely no denying that you weren’t crazy or imagining things in the slightest. 

You were pregnant. 

You stared at your tests for what felt like hours, so overwhelmed with joy and emotion by those two pink lines, that there was nothing else in the world that existed in that moment besides you and the new life you had beginning to grow inside you.  Tears welled in your eyes, streaming down your cheeks as you tried to process everything you were feeling, body trembling with astonishment and shock. 

You were going to be a mom. Javi was going to be a dad.  

Javi was going to be a dad. 

Javi. 

Oh my god, you needed to tell Javi. 

The realization struck you enough to rattle you out of your staggered state, heart racing even faster as you came to the realization that you needed to let your husband in on the happiest news of your life. 

So lost in your own world upstairs, you had been paying no attention to the time- For all you knew, past 4:57, time simply didn’t exist anymore. But for everyone else that wasn’t living in your blissfully unaware bubble, including Javi, time existed just as it did on any other day, and the all too familiar of his truck pulling into the garage as the door rumbled open meant that the time of day he made his arrival at home had come. 

When you thought about telling Javi about your pregnancy, you had imagined some sort of cute surprise for him- Balloons, a cute baby onesie, a pregnancy test wrapped up in a box, maybe even a mug with #1 dad on the side. But as Javi’s key turned in the door, his footsteps trailing downstairs, you knew there was no way you could keep your news a secret long enough to even make it out of the bathroom without telling him, and in all actuality, your body was still in such a state of shock that you don’t think it would have let you move, even if you tried. 

“Hey, baby, I’m home!” Javi shouted, tossing his keys and work bag on the kitchen counter, pausing for a moment as he waited for your response. Hearing Javi’s voice, Bear barreled through the bathroom door, sprinting downstairs to greet him, leaving you alone, still frozen in place, pregnancy test in hand. 

“Hey, buddy!” You heard Javi greet your dog from your statue-esq position from the bathroom, “How’s my good boy, huh? Where’s your mom? Osita? Where are you, baby?” With a few happy barks, Bear was scrambling across the hardwood of the kitchen floor, bolting his way back up the stairs, paws thumping with every step. You could hear Javi beginning to follow behind, pace quickening as he followed the path of your dog. 

“Hermosa? You upstairs?” You could sense the concern growing in Javi’s voice at your lack of response, making his way to the top of the stairs. 

It was like the pathway from your brain to your mouth had completely shut down, trying to speak, to say anything to let Javi know where you were, but the sudden wave of nerves that had overtaken your body had only left you more stuck, praying that where you were was the first place he’d come to look. 

“Baby, are you up here? Are you okay?” Javi asked, hearing his voice travel closer to you as he nearly sprinted down the hallway, finding his way to your shared bedroom. Seeing the light beaming out of your bathroom gave him some sense of relief that he may find you there, trying to steady his nervous breathing as he peeked through the doorway. 

“J-Javi-” You sobbed, your tears immediately making Javi wrap his arms around you, embracing you in the tightest hug he could, cradling the back of your head as he held you pressed against his chest. 

“Hey, hey, hey. Shhhhhh, baby, it’s okay. I’m here.” Javi cooed, gently swaying you back and forth in his grasp, giving you a moment to collect yourself as he felt your tears begin to subside. “What’s wrong, Osita? Got me worried sick when I couldn’t find you.” 

His hand shifted to cup your cheek, forcing your gaze up at him, carefully wiping the tears streaming down your cheeks with his thumb, the concern pooling in his big brown eyes only overwhelming you with more emotion. 

You were honestly shocked that Javi hadn’t noticed the test still in your hand or the other two on the bathroom counter, quietly laughing through your happy tears, making Javi cock his head in utter confusion. 

“Osita, what’s going on? Are you okay?” Javi asked, completely puzzled by your response. 

You gently tilted your head towards the bathroom counter where your pregnancy tests lay scattered across its surface. At first, you were convinced that Javi was so concerned about you, he didn’t notice anything suspicious, his eyes quickly darting over to the counter before shifting back to you, his face even more confused than before. 

You nodded back to the counter again, this time making the motion a little more obvious, staring at the tests until Javi’s gaze wandered in the same direction as yours, heart pounding in your chest as you watched his expression shift from complete and utter confusion to absolute disbelief. 

Javi’s hand was trembling as he reached down towards the counter, carefully picking up one of the tests. With two glaringly obvious pink lines staring back at him, Javi’s jaw all but hit the floor while you watched in real time as he put together the pieces of your puzzle. 

“Oh my- Holy Fuck. Holy Fuck. Osita, baby, oh my god. You’re- Oh my god. Baby, are- are you serious?” Javi whispered, his voice trembling in disbelief, convinced that what he was seeing was too good to be true. 

“I took 3 different tests. They’re all positive. Javi… We’re gonna have a baby.” You smiled, wetness streaming down your cheeks as you beamed at your husband, watching the gears in his mind turn as he processed that what he had heard was real. 

“We’re gonna have a baby?” He repeated, whispering it like the world’s most precious secret, the look on his face shifting from disbelief to pure and utter joy with each word. 

“You’re gonna be a dad, Javi.” 

“I’m- I’m gonna be a dad? I’m gonna be a dad. We’re really gonna have a baby?” He choked out, his smile so wide you were convinced his face had to hurt with how hard it was scrunched. 

“We’re really gonna have a baby.” You confirmed, just as much as yourself as for him, reaching up to grab his face, making sure he watched your head nod in the happiest agreement you’d ever made to anyone. 

Scooping his arms under your thighs, he hoisted you up to let your legs lock around the small of his back, spinning you around the bathroom, the two of you exploding his blissful laughter, giggles and tears while he peppered kisses all over your face. 

“Oh, I love you so fucking much, Osita. I love both of you so fucking much. You're gonna be such a good mom.” Javi beamed, carefully setting you back down as he dropped to his knees in front of you, both hands splayed across your stomach while his peppering of kisses moved to your belly. “Oh my god. Holy fuck. You swear you’re being serious? You’re really pregnant?” 

“Yes, I’m being serious, Jav! That’s why I bought 3 different tests. I wouldn’t have believed it either.” You giggled, cheeks sore from your smile. 

“When did you- When did you find out?” Javi questioned, expression still plastered with the best bewildered astonishment you could imagine, hand still resting on your stomach as he stood up. 

“Literally, like, 10 minutes before you got home. Sorry, I didn’t have a better way to surprise you, I picked up the tests on the way home and I-” 

“Baby, why are you apologizing? You literally just gave me the best surprise I could have ever asked for. I’m so fucking happy. So, so, SO fucking happy.” Javi grinned, unable to keep from kissing you, barely letting you breathe with the way he was smothering you with excited pecks of his lips. “Holy shit. I can’t fucking believe it. We’re gonna have a baby.” 

You could feel your heart swell at the way Javi’s hand had become instantly glued to your stomach, thumb rubbing across the cotton of your shirt, over and over, already filled with so much love and adoration for the soon to be new addition to your family. 

“Makes a little more sense why I was such a jerk to you this morning when I was getting ready to leave.” You sighed, apologetically rolling your eyes at Javi for your snappy behavior before leaving for work. 

“Honey, first of all, you were not a jerk, second of all, you’re pregnant, and even if you weren’t, I felt bad and just wanted to help you feel better.” Javi smiled, boyish grin still stretching ear to ear as he leaned down to press a kiss to your forehead. “Is that what made you take a pregnancy test when you got home?” 

“Oh you’ll get a kick outta this one.” You laughed, playfully raising an eyebrow at Javi, “Obviously I felt like shit at work today, which makes sense now, but the rest of my team came in during lunch time and were asking me how I could have gotten the stomach bug if no one else I knew had it, and you weren’t sick either, so it couldn’t have been food poisoning, either. Then of course, someone-” 

“Maria?” Javi scoffed, knowing exactly where your story was heading

“Are we shocked? Yes, of course it was Maria.” You shook your head, the both of you laughing, “Anyways, she asked if I felt anything other than just nauseous, and after thinking about it, I realized that I’ve been crying at everything, my boobs hurt like a bitch, and I was supposed to get my period 3 days ago. She may be crazy, but sometimes, she knows what she’s talking about.” 

“At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if she insisted that regardless of being a boy or girl, this baby needs to be named Maria.” The two of you chuckled, Javi’s hand never leaving your stomach, thumb gently stroking over your t-shirt, his goofy grin subtly shifting to a more serious scrunch. 

“You okay, Jav?” You asked, tilting your head at Javi’s new look. 

“We should call the doctor’s office, right? Do you think they’re still open? Do we have to schedule an ultrasound or do they do that? Do you want me to go get you vitamins or did you already start taking those? Should I-” 

“Easy, Papa Bear.” You snickered, somehow not surprised in the slightest that Javi had shifted into “Dad Mode” immediately, his mind automatically shifting to what would become the never ending worry of making sure that you and your baby got everything you’d ever need. “We can call tomorrow. We won’t even have an appointment for the next few weeks so it’ll be okay.” 

“Few weeks? What do you mean?” Javi replied, looking even more distressed. 

“Normally you don’t have an ultrasound done until like, 8 weeks along.” 

“That’s way too long. 8 weeks?! How are we supposed to know everything’s okay?!” 

You knew Javi’s panic was genuine, but you couldn’t help but giggle. You were well aware that Javi would make a great dad, but you had no idea that his protective dad instincts would set in only minutes after finding out the news that you were pregnant. 

Your laughter only lasted so long until the same, uncomfortable feeling began to build in your throat, reaching down for the trash can next to the sink, wrenching up the nibbles of your lunch you thought you’d managed to keep down. 

“Oh honey, shit- it’s okay, Osita.” Javi cooed, gently rubbing your back with your face still buried in the trash can.

“This is really adding to the magic of the moment, isn’t it? Oof, this baby is gonna give me a run for my money, huh?” You grimaced, pulling your head out of the waste basket, one of Javi’s hands on the small of your back, the other over your stomach. 

“Nah. I do think she’s gonna end up being strong willed like her mom, though.” Javi smirked, gently kissing your forehead. 

“Javi, I’ve been pregnant for all of 30 minutes, there’s no way you know if it’s a girl or not.” 

“She’s a girl. I have a feeling.” 

Month 2  

“Javi, baby, I love you, but if you keep holding my hand this tight, I think you’re gonna break it.” 

You were almost positive that Javi had been keeping a better track of the days counting down to your first ultrasound appointment than you had. He had even insisted on taking the entire day off work even though you weren’t leaving school until 12:00, and your appointment wasn’t until 2:00. Now that it was 2:15, sitting in your OBGYN’s office, waiting for your name to be called to see your doctor, it was clear that your husband was much more of a nervous wreck than you figured you needed to account for. 

“S-sorry. Sorry. I just really wanna see ‘em, ya know? Make sure everything’s okay.” Javi sighed, knowing he most definitely was more anxious than he needed to be, the hand not easing its grip on yours, gently rubbing your nearly invisible bump. 

“I know, me too.” You smiled, rubbing your thumb back and forth across his palm for a few moments before lifting it up to your mouth to kiss it. 

“Peña?” a voice called from the front of the waiting room, you and Javi perking up instantly at your last name. 

You couldn’t help but giggle at the fact you knew it was taking everything in Javi not to sprint to the door the nurse was holding open for you, so excited to see your baby for the first time, you wouldn’t have been surprised if he would have jumped up on the exam table himself once you got to your room. 

“How’s it going, Mom and Dad?” The nurse asked, smiling at you as you followed behind her down the hallway leading towards the exam rooms before stopping at a small cove at the front of the path. “We’re just gonna take some quick vitals and then we’ll get you all set up in the room okay?” 

“It’s been good! Well besides feeling super nauseous and exhausted all the time, but ya know.” You laughed, giving the nurse a little shrug as you sat down in the chair next to the blood pressure machine as she began to take your vitals. 

“But that’s normal though, right? Like, we shouldn’t be worried about that?” Javi asked, leg bouncing as he stood next to you, propped up against the wall. 

“Yes, it’s all perfectly normal. Unfortunately, growing a baby isn’t always the most pleasant experience, so it’s very common, especially in the first trimester, for Mom to feel pretty worn out.” The nurse nodded, writing down some information before gesturing for you to step on the scale, taking a few more notes. 

“Told you I’m okay.” You snickered, giving Javi a little nudge. 

“I know, I just feel awful that you feel so miserable, ya know?” Javi sighed, crossing his arms over his chest, feeling that this would be the first of many worried I told you so’s during this appointment. 

“Alright, well we’re just gonna draw some blood and take a urine sample, and then we will have you all ready to meet with Dr. Davis, okay?” The nurse grinned, helping you back over to the chair to have your blood drawn, cocking her head at the pained look on your face. 

“Is it um- can I do the urine test first? I need to pee so bad.” You grimaced, not wanting to throw off your nurse’s pattern of practice, but also worrying you were going to pee your pants if you didn’t go to the bathroom in the next thirty seconds. 

“Oh, of course, my bad, go right ahead. Down the hall and to the left.” She smiled, handing off the collection cup as you practically sprinted down the hallway, your nurse and Javi laughing at your need for speed. 

“First baby?” Your nurse asked, smirking at Javi, nervously gnawing on the inside of his cheeks. 

“Y-yeah. How’d you know?” He asked. 

“I’ve been doing this job for a long time, honey. Nine times out of ten, the dads are way more nervous than the moms are.” She grinned, tilting her head with a little shrug. 

“Yeah, I’d uh- I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared out of my mind, but I- um, God, I’m so excited. I can’t wait to be a dad.” It’s a good thing you were still in the bathroom, because seeing the way Javi was beaming from ear to ear at finally becoming a father probably would have sent you into a spell of hormonal sobs. In the past few weeks, his adamant enthusiasm about his journey into fatherhood had you on the brink of tears nearly every day from how thankful you were for your amazing husband. 

After your return with your very full cup of pee, and squeezing Javi’s hand extra tight through your blood draw, you were escorted down to your exam room, leaving you and Javi to patiently wait for your OBGYN’s arrival to let you get a first glimpse at your baby. 

“You look really hot in that paper skirt.” Javi teased, raising his eyebrows at you, gently tugging at the thin covering you’d been offered for your bottom half to give your doctor easy access for your exam. 

“You just like it because you can keep peeking underneath it and I don’t have anything on.” You sighed, playfully rolling your eyes back at him. You paused for a moment, taking a quiet deep breath as you stared down at your feet, Javi immediately picking up on your silent shift in tone. 

“You okay, Osita?” He asked, gently grabbing your hand and interlocking it with his while his free hand splayed across your stomach. 

“Yeah. I think all the nerves are actually starting to really kick in now, ya know? Like, we’re about to see our baby today for the first time.” 

It would have been easy to blame your pregnancy hormones for the emotional rollercoaster you were experiencing in the OB’s office, but with the way Javi’s eyes were welling with tears too, you felt a little less crazy for being so overwhelmed by the thought of getting to see the tiny human you were growing inside you. 

A quiet knock on the other side of the door was enough to startle you and Javi, turning your attention as a figure peeked through the small gap with a soft, and sweet voice.  

“Mr. and Mrs. Peña?” 

“H-hi, yeah, come in.” Javi stammered, eagerly inviting in your doctor, Dr. Davis. 

“Hello, it’s so nice to see you two! How exciting that we’re here for our first visit!” Dr. Davis grinned, giving you and Javi each a friendly nod before settling into her rolling chair next to her desk, “How’s everything been going so far?” 

The way Javi had begun to squeeze even tighter on your hand was making it nearly impossible not to giggle, giving him a little pinch of reassurance back before answering. 

“Good so far. I mean, tired and nauseous, but other than that, can’t complain. I mean, obviously nervous, but also just really excited too.” You beamed, Dr. Davis smiling at your response before looking over at Javi, anxiously drumming the fingers of his free hand against his leg. 

Well that’s good to hear. It most certainly is a very exciting and nervous time, especially with your first. How about you, Dad? How have you been doing?” 

“Oh- m-me?” Javi asked, pointing to himself, shocked that Dr. Davis would have any interest in asking how he’d been, “Oh good, yeah, I mean, nervous as hell, but like, the good kind of nervous. Just wanna make sure I’m doing whatever I can to help.” 

“Well Mr. Peña, it seems like you very clearly care about your wife and your baby, and if you keep that up, you’re doing everything you can.” Dr. Davis grinned, shooting you a little wink at the providing the reassurance your husband very clearly needed. “Alright, well I know one of our nurses already took some blood and urine samples, but we’re just gonna check a few things out and ask some questions, but after we finish with that, we’ll do our first ultrasound and get a chance to look at Baby, okay?” 

“Okay.” You and Javi answered in sync, smiling at each other from your timely response. 

It seemed that Javi’s nerves had at least eased a little bit, until you watched him fumble around in the back pocket of his jeans, face growing panicked at the lack of whatever he seemed to be looking for. 

“You okay, Jav?” 

“Yeah, I just, shit-” He paused, grimacing at his empty pocket, “I thought I bought a notepad and pen to write stuff down on, but I must have left it in the car…” 

Quietly chuckling to herself, Dr. Davis reached into a drawer in her desk, pulling out a sheet of blank paper, along with one of the pens from her coat pocket to pass over to Javi.

“T-thanks.” Javi sighed sheepishly, trying to hide his embarrassment as he took the pen and paper. 

“Mr. Peña, if there is one thing you most certainly do not need to worry about, it’s how loved this baby of yours is going to be.” 

While you had truly considered giving Javi shit about how hell bent he was on documenting every single word that came out of Dr. Davis’s mouth, 45 minutes into your appointment, you couldn’t have been more thankful you had someone there taking notes for you, all of the information, questions, and hypotheticals of bringing a new baby into the world making your head spin. 

All of the questions you had planned had seemed to have magically disappeared from your brain, overwhelming anxiety about trying to plan for the health and safety of your future child throwing everything else in your mind out the window. 

While it had taken a moment for you to even realize how stressed you were, Javi had picked up on it immediately, suddenly shifting to become the anchor in your storm that you had been for him. With one hand on your stomach, and the other furiously scratching down notes, Javi had managed to remember every question the two of you had talked about, making sure to have Dr. Davis elaborate on anything you even seemed slightly concerned about. 

Even though you had felt like a terrible mother for already being too overwhelmed to remember a few simple questions, the way Javi had switched into Dad Mode without a single thought or ask had filled you with such calm and relief, falling even more in love with him at how immediately protective he became without so much as a second thought. 

After an hour and two full pages, front and back, filled with Javi’s chicken scratch, Dr. Davis had finished with her part of the exam, and Javi had asked enough questions to fill a small book. You weren’t sure it was because you physically couldn’t fathom coming up with another question to ask, or if both of your brains were just too overwhelmed with information to come up with anything else, but after a confirmation you and Javi had nothing else to ask as of right now, she lit up as she asked the question the two of you had been dying to hear since you booked your appointment. 

“Would you like to see Baby Peña for the first time?” 

Despite how badly your hands were shaking, as Javi intertwined his fingers with yours, you were convinced his were trembling even worse, his eyes locked on on every move Dr. Davis had to make as she set up for your ultrasound. 

“Alright, this is going to be a little bit cold here, sorry.” Dr. Davis apologized, squirting a small glob of gel onto your lower stomach, trying your best not to squirm and giggle at the ticklish sensation. 

After a few more clicks on her keyboard, Dr. Davis had grabbed the ultrasound transducer, gently beginning to rub the tool back and forth across your belly as fuzzy, black and white images began to appear on her screen. 

“Now, with you almost being nine weeks, we’re most likely only going to see a blob of a head and a body, but I’m hoping that we may also get to hear Baby’s heartbeat for the first time as well.” Dr. Davis smiled, watching yours and Javi’s faces light up. 

“I’m sure whatever they look like, they’ll be the most perfect little blob I’ve ever seen.” Javi grinned, squeezing your hand even tighter, leaning down to plant a soft kiss on your forehead. 

“I’ve never been more excited to see a black and white blob in my entire life.” You giggled softly, Javi and Dr. Davis snickering right along with you. 

“Oh, give me one second, I think we found ‘em.” Dr. Davis muttered to herself, clicking on a few more buttons on her keyboard and turning the screen back towards her to get a better view. 

In the few moments of silence, you looked up at Javi, trying your best to fight the tears you had welling in the corners of your eyes at the thought of finally being able to see your baby for the first time. As Javi looked back down at you, you couldn’t help but let out a little laugh at the way his eyes were already welling too, biting down on his bottom lip to keep from bursting into full blown tears. 

Although you had never known Javi before his newly settled life in Laredo, it was moments like these where you couldn’t help but laugh at the fact that a man who had once chased down the most hardened Cartel criminals in the entire world, who had written off any chance at a ‘normal’ life for himself, had turned out to be the biggest softie in the entire world, head over heels in love with you, trying to keep from sobbing as he prepared himself for seeing his baby for the first time. 

Watching you snicker to yourself, Javi rolled his eyes, shaking his head as you teased him, quietly mouthing a playful “Shut up”  to you, knowing damn well he was already a mess without even seeing your black and white blob for the first time. 

“Alright Mr. and Mrs. Peña, are you ready to see your baby?” 

The two of you quietly nodded, each taking a long, shaky deep breath as Dr. Davis slowly turned her screen back towards you, finger pointed at a small shape in the middle of her display. 

“There’s Baby Peña.” She smiled softly, gently circling around where her finger had been  pointing. 

As yours and Javi shifted your gazes from each others’ to the small screen beside you, a tiny, bean shaped form appeared, gently shifting with the black and white static of the machine. 

There, in front of you, was your baby. 

“T-that’s- that’s really them?” Javi stuttered, eyes excitedly darting back and forth between you, the screen and Dr. Davis, smile beaming so wide, you wouldn’t be surprised if his cheeks hurt for weeks after. 

“That’s really them.” Dr. Davis answered, smiling at the pure bliss radiating off of you and Javi. 

“That’s our baby, Jav.” You whispered, disregarding any attempts to keep from crying, too overwhelmed with the joy and excitement of seeing your child for the first time, “That’s really them.” 

You and Javi could have stared at the screen for hours, taking in every single detail your minds could commit to memory, streams of happy tears continuously flowing from the both of you, completely overjoyed to finally get the first glimpse at the life you had created together. 

“Would you two like to hear the heartbeat? I think I’ll be able to pick it up!” Dr. Davis asked, clacking on a few more keys. 

“Only if you wanna make me cry more.” You sniffled, “God, sorry I’m such a mess.” 

“Honey, after 20 years at this practice, I’ve seen just about every reaction under the sun. Do not worry. I was the same way when I had my first, too.” She paused, typing on a few more buttons and focusing on her screen, giving Javi a few seconds to help console you with sweet kisses across your temple, “alrighty, baby seems to be cooperating, so here is the heartbeat!” 

You and Javi held your breath, time standing still, until a light, rhythmic thump began to echo throughout the room, eyes going wide hearing your baby’s heartbeat. 

“Holy shit…” Javi whispered in disbelief, looking down at you with an ear to ear grin and watering eyes. “Baby, holy shit, that’s- that’s ours. That’s our baby.” 

You and Javi sat still, time seeming to freeze around you as the soft thump of your baby’s heartbeat flooding you with a wave of love and excitement you had never felt before, so overwhelmed with euphoria, you could have sat and listened to the sound for hours. 

“Everything about the baby looks absolutely great so far. Glad we were able to catch the heartbeat as well. I’m guessing you’d probably like some ultrasound pictures to take home with you?” Dr. Davis asked, smiling with a grin that very clearly told you she already knew the answer. 

“Yes.” You and Javi agreed in unison, barely letting Dr. Davis finish her sentence before you answered. 

“Alright. Let me capture a few images here,” Dr. Davis paused, focusing in on the screen while moving the ultrasound around on your lower stomach before saving the image displayed next to you, “and we should be good! We’ll have these ready for you when you go to check out. Any other questions before I send you two, or should I say, three, off today?” 

“N-no, I think I’m good. You have any other questions, honey?” Javi asked, interlacing his fingers with yours before gently kissing your forehead. 

“Well, um- actually- I uh, I guess I do have one more.” You stammered, quietly laughing to yourself, catching Javi’s attention, “Is it um- It’s okay for us to have sex still, right?” 

You looked over at Javi with a sheepish grin, snickering at the way his eyes had gone wide in pleasant surprise at your question. With how nauseous and tired you had been feeling, combined with Javi’s rampant nerves that even if you were up to it, he was going to hurt the baby, it had been over a month since the two of you had last gone at it. Sweet Javi had never brought it up once, so concerned with your well being that you knew he’d stick to taking care of himself by himself as long as he needed to- a small price to pay for  you literally growing his child inside you. But now that you were finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel for feeling like you had been hit by a bus every day, you knew it wouldn’t be much longer until you were going to need to break your self-induced run of pregnant celibacy. And when that time came, you knew even then, Javi wasn’t doing anything unless it had a doctor’s seal of approval. 

“Perfectly normal question. Yes, as long as you feel up to it, it’s absolutely safe. If you feel any discomfort or pain during intercourse, just give us a call and let us know and we can schedule an appointment, but other than that, yes, it’s perfectly okay.” Dr. Davis smiled, laughing at the way Javi was trying his best to keep from smirking. 

“Y-you’re sure it’s okay to-”

“Yes, I’m sure, Mr. Peña.” Dr. Davis chuckled, cutting off Javi’s sentence before he could finish asking his question. “Alright, why don’t we get you two checked out, and Laura at the front desk can get your next appointment scheduled for you. Have a wonderful rest of your day, and I’ll see you soon. Feel free to call if you have any questions.” 

“Thank you.” You smiled, you and Javi both giving Dr. Davis a wave as she exited the room, letting the door quietly close behind her. 

“I hope you know I would fuck you right here, right now in this doctor’s office, paper skirt and all.” Javi smirked, eyeing you up and down as you slid off the edge of the table, bunching up your thin, crinkly covering to throw into the trash before reaching for your pants folded up on the chair next to you. 

“I knew the doctor’s office paper skirt would really do it for you.” You giggled, shimmying up your underwear and pants as you playfully rolled your eyes at Javi. 

“I hope you didn’t ask because of me. You know I’ll do whatever you need me to. If you don’t want me to touch you for the next 7 months, I truly am okay. I just want you to feel comfortable, baby.” Javi sighed, his tone shifting to genuine and sincere, hitting you with his big, brown puppy dog eyes as he wrapped his arm around your waist, thumb softly stroking your stomach. 

“I know, Jav. Now that I’ve actually been starting to not feel completely awful and can focus on something other than not needing to throw up every 5 minutes, I wanted to make sure that I had the okay, so, ya know.” You grinned, raising your eyebrows at Javi, biting down on your bottom lip. 

“Let’s go get this paperwork.” Javi smirked back, giving you a quick peck on your lips and a playful wink, collecting all of his notes as he opened the door for you, making it incredibly obvious that he was checking you out as you passed by him. 

“Horndog.” You giggled, pretending to scold him. 

“I’m not the one who asked, Osita.” 

You were positive that Javi’s hand hadn’t left your hip, hand, stomach or thigh from the moment you had left the doctor’s office, his thumb gently rubbing in soft circles against you, accompanied the dimple creasing in the corner of his cheek from the way his boyish smirk was plastered across his face the entire drive home. 

It was almost comical at the way Javi was so eager to help you out of the car and into the house, carefully helping you to put away everything from the appointment, asking you if there was anything that you needed, following you around the kitchen like a wide eyed puppy. 

You felt butterflies swirl in your stomach in a way that wasn’t about to make you vomit for the first time in weeks, heart swelling at the way you could tell Javi was patiently and nervously waiting for you to make a move before he dared to do anything, knowing he would keep good on his promise to let you take the lead.  

“Y-you sure you don’t need anything else? Lunch? More water? A nap?” Javi asked, resting his hip against the kitchen counter, arms crossed over his chest, trying his best to act nonchalant as you approached after noting down your next appointment date on your calendar. 

“Nope.” You grinned, popping the “P” at the end of the word, reaching out to grab at his waist, toying with the belt loops of his jeans, watching the denim of his pants begin to tent. 

“We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to. Just because the doctor gave you the okay, if you’re not comfortable, I-” 

Before he could finish, you cut him off with a kiss, pressing up on your tiptoes to let your lips lock with his, practically feeling him melt under your touch as his bulge poked at your thigh, continuing to grow as you rubbed against it. 

“Javier Peña, if you don’t take me upstairs and put your dick inside me right now, I swear.” You giggled in between kisses before you let out a gasp, Javi scooping his arms under your thighs to wrap your legs around his waist, frantically but carefully carrying you across the living room and up the stairs, letting his back push open the bedroom door. 

Carefully, he laid you down on the bed, caging his body over yours while he planted soft kisses down your neck and chest, feeling his lips smirk as they gently pressed against the barely there swell of your stomach. 

“You’re so fuckin’ beautiful.” Javi murmured under his breath, fingers toying with your waistband to tug your pants and underwear down your legs, letting them fall into a crumpled pile on the floor below you. “So fucking beautiful growing our baby.” 

Javi settled himself between your thighs, gently parting them to reveal the mess of slick and arousal coating the inside of them. You propped yourself up on your elbows, breath already heavy as you watched Javi run his fingers through your soaked folds, throwing your head back in delight while he slowly began to rub at your throbbing clit. 

Because you had been so preoccupied with the constant nausea and fatigue from the first few weeks of creating another living human being inside of you, it wasn’t until now you were becoming blatantly aware of how much more sensitive you were down there, your stomach already swirling with heightened sensation after a few seconds of Javi touching you. 

“Holy fuck-” You stammered, jaw going slack in pleasure, immediately catching Javi’s attention. 

“Good holy fuck or bad holy fuck?” He asked, concern flooding the sweet chocolate brown of his eyes. 

“Good holy fuck, oh my god. I feel like I’m about to cum already.” You whimpered, the worry washing from Javi’s face at your response, his once furrowed brow quickly replaced with a delighted smirk you could practically feel as buried his head between your legs, placing a soft kiss on your clit. 

If his fingers weren’t enough to make you feel like you were already on the edge of collapse, the slow and calculated drags of his tongue up and down your cunt most definitely were. One of your hands was instantly shooting down to brace yourself in the thick curls of Javi’s hair while the other one fisted at your bedsheets for dear life, readying yourself to face the rapid tingle growing at the base of your spine. 

The response to warmth and wet of his tongue swirling against your sensitive bundle of nerves was enough to make you whimper like he had been fucking you with his mouth for hours, not mere minutes, coil tightening in your stomach with every lick. 

“Fuck, Javi. Oh fuck, baby.” You moaned, grip tightening around your bedsheets, soft fabric curling between your fingers. 

All it took was a little more pressure from the flat of his tongue before you could feel yourself on the brink of collapse, pleasure starting to creep up your legs and through your core. 

“Oh fuck, fuck, fuck- fuck, I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna-ahhhh!” You sobbed, throwing your head back in bliss as your orgasm crashed through you, every inch of your body lighting up as you came. You could have sworn you were seeing stars, cutting some slack to your pregnancy hormones after weeks of being keeled over in exchange for one of the most intense orgasms you’d had in a while. 

Javi pulled his head out from in between your legs, smirking in awe of the way your moans fell from your slack jaw as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, mustache soaked with your slick. 

“You okay, baby girl?” He asked, peppering soft kisses to the insides of your thighs as you came back too, emerging from your post orgasmic fog. 

“Javi, holy fuck.” You gasped, still panting, “Oh my god, that felt so good.” 

“Yeah? Came so well for me, Momma.” Javi cooed, letting his lips trail up your hips and stomach, taking extra time to let his lips linger on the barely there swell of your belly before shedding your top and bra, dropping them next to your crumpled up bottoms. 

“Fuck- Need you to fuck me, Javi. Please, baby.” You moaned, reaching out to unbutton Javi’s jeans, erection already straining at the denim and zipper of his pants. Javi grinned, happily helping you tug his pants and underwear from his hips, quickly followed by his shirt, giving you a chance to gawk at his handsome, naked figure. 

You reached out, wrapping your fingers around his already hard length, pumping him a few times with your hand before gently guiding him towards your entrance while both your bodies fell towards the mattress, Javi hovering over you. 

“You sure you wanna do this?” Javi whispered against your skin between gentle presses of his lips against your neck, “If you’re uncomfortable or anything, just let me-” 

“Javier Peña, if you do not put your dick inside me right now, I might cry.” You giggled softly, giddy smiles growing across both your faces as Javi ran his tip between your folds, collecting the slick pooling between them. 

Gently, Javi pushed himself inside your heat, letting him slowly pump in and out of you a few times before you propped yourself up on your elbows, looking at him with a confused stare, feeling that something was off.  

“You can put it all the way in Jav.” You laughed, realizing Javi was barely pushing himself inside of you with each movement of his hips. 

“I don’t- I don’t wanna hurt the baby.” Javi grimaced sheepishly. 

“Javi…” You giggled, titling your head at him, “Baby, you’re big, but you’re not that big.” 

Javi sighed, quietly laughing to himself at your playful scolding before leaning down to softly press his lips to yours. 

“Just trying to be gentle, Osita.” 

“I’m pregnant, not made of glass.” You teased, biting down on your lip as you laughed, only for your jaw to drop as Javi slid deeper into your cunt, pressing his entire length in you. 

“Fuck, Javi…” You whimpered, head hitting the back of the mattress, trying to compose yourself from falling apart right then and there.

“Fuck, I missed this.” Javi whispered, nibbling at your ear as he slowly began to thrust his hips, taking his time with each stroke. “Driving me crazy every fuckin’ day with how beautiful you look carrying our baby.” 

Javi’s hand trailed down your front, softly splaying across your stomach while his thumb circled your skin, the familiar movement catching your attention enough to peak your head up at your husband, looking almost as disheveled as you in terms of self-preservation.

Javi took a long, deep breath, furrowing his brows in concentration as he stared at the ceiling, the rhythm of his hips coming to a standstill. 

“You alright there, big guy?” You giggled, knowing damn well the cause for the holdup. 

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I feel like a fucking teenager. First time we’ve fucked since we found out you were pregnant and I’m about to show up like some sort of fucking two pump chump ‘cause I can’t keep it together.” Javi groaned, eyes still glued to the drywall above him in embarrassment. 

 “Javi, baby, look at me.” You smiled, smirking at him. 

“I can’t, unless you want this to be over right now.” 

“While that’s very flattering, I find that very hard to believe, considering I threw up twice before we left for this doctor’s appointment and ate half a jar of pickles on the drive home and smell like I’ve been living inside a pickle factory for the better part of the past year.” 

“Jesus Christ.” He laughed, your joke enough to make him break, shifting his gaze down back at you. 

“Baby, you’re fine. Considering you deliver 99.9% of the time, and this is the first we’re having sex in a month and a half, I was planning on cutting you some slack.” You teased, giving him a little nudge, “Also, did you forget how you made me cum like, crazy hard 5 minutes ago? I didn’t realize how sensitive I was gonna be, and not to boost your ego any more than I have, but it’s not gonna take much for you to get me there.” 

Javi smiled, pecking kisses along your neck and collarbone as he brought the pads of his fingers to your clit, circling with just enough pressure to already send you reeling, beginning to pick back up the pace he had forgone. 

Your breath instantly hitched in the back of your throat, sucking the air out of your lungs as the head of Javi’s cock rammed perfectly into your g-spot. That, accompanied by the pads of his fingers swirling against your clit, had you absolutely reeling, whimpering and moaning with each snap of his hips. 

“Fuck me. Feel so fucking good, Osita.” Javi grunted through gritted teeth, his free hand running up the back of your leg, gently pressing your thigh closer to your stomach, stretching you out in the way he knew drove you absolutely crazy. 

“Oh Javi, fuck, baby, holy fuck-” You whined, pleasure already swirling in your stomach. 

“That's my girl. Fuck, I can't wait to get you pregnant again, let everyone see how you're all mine carrying our baby. Gonna be such a good Mom, giving us a family, making me a dad. Oh fuck-” Javi groaned, his words hot against your skin between kisses along your neck and shoulder blade, shifting his grasp to cup one of your swollen breasts in his palm, fingers gently toying with the hardened buds of your nipples.

The added sensation was all it took to send you over the edge, orgasm crashing through your body with an unforgiving wave of intensity, pleasure radiating through every inch of you as your cunt clamped down around Javi's cock, gushing with your arousal as you came.

Knowing you had reached your end, Javi began to chase his own high, his thrusts becoming sloppier and more erratic as your body melded with his, nearly going limp in his grasp from how good he had made you feel. 

“Mierda- fuck, baby. Gonna fill you up, I have- fuck- so much cum for you, and I- oh fuck!” 

Before he could ramble on any further, it only took a few more thrusts of Javi’s hips before he was spilling inside you, warm ropes of his spend coating your walls as he came, palm splayed across the barely there swell of your stomach, holding you in place against the mattress. 

Your chests heaved in sync, breathless from a fast and furious performance after weeks of no sex, the both of you laughing at yourselves for your record breaking timing of the events that had just occurred. 

“That may be the fastest that either of us have came.” You giggled, giving Javi a playful nudge before your face fell from a happy grin to sheepish frown, “Sorry that it’s been so long. You’ve been so patient, and with how nauseous I’ve been and-” 

“Nuh uh,” Javi shook his head, the plush of his bottom lip in a serious pout, “None of that. You do not need to apologize for anything. Honey, you’re growing a whole person inside of you. Our kid. All I wanna do is be there for whatever you need. Regardless of if that means this or not.”  

It should have been no surprise to you that tears were already beginning to well in your eyes, Javi’s consistently gentle and caring demeanor towards you with anything you’ve needed these past 8 weeks bringing you to the verge of tears from his sweetness practically on demand. 

“Sorry, sorry, it’s good tears,” You sniffled, sighing at your own dramatics from your hormones as Javi wiped the tears streaming down your cheeks with his thumb, “You’re just always so good to me, and I love you so much, and you’re gonna be such a good dad.” 

“I love you too, Osita.” Javi smiled, softly cupping your belly in his grasp, “Whatever you need, you know I’ll always be there, okay?” 

“Okay.” You smiled back, rolling over to press your head against his chest, laying for a moment in serene silence until a low and long grumble sung from your stomach. “Does that include bringing me up the bag of sour gummy worms so I can eat them in bed and then take a nap?” 

“Of course it does.” Javi chuckled, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead before pressing himself up off of the bed with a grunt and slipping his boxers back on, “Anything else Baby wants?” 

“Whatever’s left of that chicken sandwich I had yesterday. And a glass of water. Please.” You grimaced sheepishly, shrugging at Javi as you tacked on to your list of requests. “And can you make sure the water is, like-” 

“90% ice cubes and 10% water?” Javi smirked, finishing the rest of your sentence and laughing to himself as you nodded your head. “Be right back.” 

Hey, Jav?” 

“Yeah, baby?” Javi answered, peeking his head back in the door he had just exited from. 

“We love you.” 

“I love you both of you too, Osita. More than you fucking know.”

3 Months 

“I swear I think they already know.” 

“Honey, how could they know?” 

“I don’t know, Connie just keeps giving me this look like she knows something.” 

After last year’s Thanksgiving extravaganza at Chucho’s ranch, where your family and the Murphy’s had joined together to celebrate your engagement, it seemed like an easy choice on everyone’s part to rinse and repeat for this year. 

It had been killing you and Javi to keep Baby Peña a secret for this long, but now that you had finally broken free of the first trimester and everyone you wanted to be the first to hear the news gathered together, Thanksgiving had seemed like the perfect day to announce that in a few months, a third member of the Peña family would be arriving. 

That is, if someone didn’t spill the beans on your surprise based on their intuition. 

With you and Javi alone in the kitchen finishing up the rest of the mashed potatoes before dinner, he discreetly ran his hand across your stomach, smiling at the barely there bump hidden under your sweater. 

“It’s just Connie being Connie.” Javi smiled, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead, “Besides, won’t be a surprise for that much longer.” 

“There’s a surprise?!” Your niece Olivia exclaimed, her sister and the Murphy girls barging into the kitchen behind her, scaring the daylights out of you and Javi. 

“Holy sh- cow, Liv, I didn’t see you there, sweetie!” You gasped, clutching your chest in shock, Javi’s hand immediately dropping from your stomach and diving into the pocket of his jeans. 

“Surprise?” Steve asked, following behind the girls, arms crossed over his chest, “is the surprise that your aunt and uncle are actually cookin’ instead of smoochin’ back here?”

“Ewwwwwwww!” The girls exclaimed, giggling as they stuck out their tongues before scampering away back to the living room. 

“Ha ha, very funny.” Javi replied dryly, rolling his eyes at his friend. 

“Glad to see we’re keepin’ it PG in here.” Steve chuckled, giving Javi a little nudge of his elbow, “Seriously though, is there a surprise I should be knowin’ about?” 

“The surprise,” you grunted, lifting up the giant pot of potatoes you had just finished mashing and passing them off to Steve, trying to catch his balance with the newfound weight in his hands, “is that you get to carry these potatoes out to the table! Thank you so much!” 

“Pretty shitty fuckin’ surprise, if you ask me.” Steve groaned, scoffing at his newly appointed task while you and Javi laughed. 

“Tell everyone it’s time to eat, too. We just have a few more dishes to clean up!” You added, smirking at Steve’s annoyance. 

“Now I’m on wranglin’ duty, too? Damn, I regret ever comin’ in here.” 

With Steve mumbling to himself as he wandered out of the kitchen, potatoes in hand, you and Javi found yourselves alone again, smiling at each other and shaking your heads at your close call encounter. 

“If it makes you feel better, I’m sure Steve has no fucking clue, and it’ll be a complete surprise to him.” Javi chuckled, grabbing a few dishes off the counter and throwing them into the sink. 

“Now that, I’ll believe.” You giggled, nodding in agreement as you brought the last of the pots and pans over to be washed. “I don’t know why I’m so nervous to tell everyone, I should feel relieved that we don’t have to keep this a secret anymore.” 

“Because it’s kind of a big deal, mi amor.” Javi laughed, giving you a little nudge, “I’m nervous too, but excited nervous, ya know? Can’t wait to tell everyone about ‘em.” 

“Stop it, or you’re gonna make me cry!” You sighed, trying to hold back your tears and Javi’s sweet smile. “Okay, everything’s good to go right? We should probably get out there before Steve comes barging in again.” 

“Good to go, Osita. Let’s get Baby some mashed potatoes.” 

Thanksgiving at Chucho’s was quickly becoming your favorite new tradition, your heart overflowing with so much love and joy to have everyone you cared about together in one place, the best parts of your life overlapping so perfectly. 

On top of your meal being absolutely delicious, your family, the Murphy’s and Chucho nearly had you shooting the better part of your spoonful of mashed potatoes out of your nose, hearing the story of the time a toddler Javi nearly got his head stuck in a Thanksgiving turkey. 

If you weren’t already pregnant, you had most certainly eaten enough food for several people, thankful you had chosen a dress instead of any sort of pants where you’d have to wrestle with the better part of a waistband for the rest of the night. 

Despite their hungry appetites, all of the kids at the table had disappeared post-dinner time, running off the rest of their energy before dessert, leaving the rest of the adults at their seats, still weighed down by their digesting dinner. 

“Damn, that was so good. Props to you on the turkey, Chucho, that bird’s about to put me in a coma.” Your brother David sighed, leaning back in his chair to unbutton his pants. 

“Jesus Christ, you animal, we are in someone else’s home! Button up your goddamn pants!” Your dad groaned, slapping David in the chest and nearly knocking him out of his seat. 

“No, he’s onto somethin’. I’m ‘bout to do the same. Shit, I’m stuffed.” Steve agreed, trying to reach down to unbutton his own pants, quickly stopped by Connie with her own slap to the chest for her husband. 

“Don’t encourage him, Steve. He’ll be pantless before you know it, and when he is, that’ll be your problem.” Your other brother, Charlie laughed, making David roll his eyes to the back of his head. 

“Not my fault! I feel 9 months pregnant after eating all this, and after dessert, you can all meet my adorable food baby I’m about to give birth to.” 

David’s comment had you and Javi nearly choking on your food, trying your best to conceal your coughs of shock and surprise at his comparison. It didn’t take much for the entire table to swing their heads towards the both of you, concerned by how you’d suddenly been so off-put, your food had become indigestible. 

“Oh my gosh, are you two okay?” Connie asked, her nurse instincts kicking into high gear at the way you were trying to dislodge the chunk of mashed potatoes from the back of your throat. 

“Yup- uh- yup, yeah, all um, all good.” Javi coughed, letting out one last hack, trying to make as little eye contact as possible, hoping they would assume the redness in his cheeks was from his poorly swallowed food. 

“Yup, we’re uh- all good. Totally fine.” You chimed in, sneaking a desperate look at Javi as if to say “I swear they know and they’re just not telling us”. 

“Jesus, don’t die on us. Didn’t know the birth of my Thanksgiving food baby would be so upsetting to you. Rude.” David teased, giving Charlie a little nudge as the two chuckled to themselves. 

Despite the fact that you and Javi were planning on telling everyone about the addition to your family any minute, the shock and timing of it all seemed to have both of you frozen, eyes peeled to the ground and faces flushed, unsure of what to do. 

The seconds of your silence seemed to drag on like hours, the both of you panicked as your eyes darted back and forth between each other’s, unable to do anything but shrug and let out a half laugh as your bodies grew hotter and hotter. 

“Wait…” Connie hummed, her breaking of the awkward silence filing the room gathering everyone’s attention, watching her silently piece together everything that had just happened in her head. You knew it didn’t take long for her to solve the puzzle, her once confused demeanor now shifting as an ear to ear grin spread between her cheeks in delight, “Are you?” 

“Is she what?” Steve asked, still completely oblivious to the clues Connie had been unraveling. 

After a few more moments of staring at the two of you, one by one, you could see the subtle changes in everyone’s expression, now all looking at you with intense interest, ready to hang on your every word. 

Well, everyone besides your brothers, dad, and Steve. 

“What the hell do all of you know that we’re not getting?” Your dad asked, shrugging his shoulders. 

“Javi, you in on this, bud?” Steve questioned, observant enough to at least recognize the smirk Javi was trying his very best to hide. 

“Steve, seriously?!” Connie sighed, rolling her eyes at Steve’s utter lack of ability to read the room, “David just made a comment about being so full he felt pregnant, and the two of them just about choked on their food.” 

“I dunno?! I mean, they ate a lotta food, too? Why are y’all actin’ like I’m supposed to be a fuckin’ mind reader?” Steve protested, trying to save his own ass from looking like a complete idiot. 

After a few more seconds of more intense thinking than should have been necessary, you watched your brothers start to comprehend enough that they had begun smiling and nodding along with everyone else. 

“No wait, I get it, ‘cause like, if she was pregnant, that like, she’d probably be all thrown off that I said something, right? So I mean-” David paused, a lightbulb finally going off in his brain, sending him into a wildly frazzled state, “Wait. Wait. OH MY GOD!” 

At this point, your shock had disappeared, giggling and grinning at everyone’s realizations, looking over at Javi with the happiest of smiles as he splayed his hand across your stomach. 

“What in the actual fuck am I missin’ out on?!” Steve groaned, still bewildered how everyone else at the table had seemed to figure out whatever mystery was unfolding before him. 

“Jesus Christ Steve, I love ya, man, but this is almost getting physically painful.” Charlie laughed, giving Steve a little nudge. 

“Lord help me.” Connie sighed, shaking her head as she grabbed her husband by the shoulders, “Steven Murphy. If they were shocked about David’s joke about being pregnant, that could probably mean that the two of them are…” 

“WAIT, HOLY FUCKIN’ SHIT, ARE YOU TWO HAVIN’ A BABY?” Steve exclaimed, shooting up out of his seat, at long last putting together everyone’s hints after everyone at dinner needed to all but spell it out for him. 

“Took you long enough.” Javi smirked, laughing at his friend as his thumb rubbed gently over the swell of your stomach. 

“We’re having a baby.” You grinned, everyone standing up and cheering in excitement for the both of you, rushing to where you and Javi were sitting to wrap you and Javi up in a smushed blob of a group hug, gently shaking you in their grasp. 

You could feel your heart swell at the overwhelming love and joy that filled the room, tears pooling in your eyes at how much your future baby was already so loved by so many people. 

“Oh honey, we’re so excited!” Your mom squealed, kissing both you and Javi on the cheeks as she wrapped the two of you in a bear hug. 

“Does that mean we’re the aunts now?!” Olivia screeched, pointing at herself, her sisters and the Murphy girls with a giddy grin spread across her cheeks. 

“Guess so, Kiddo.” You beamed, rustling her hair with one hand as the other wrapped around her to squeeze her in your grasp. 

Despite the overwhelming chatter and excitement buzzing around the room, you couldn’t help but notice a soft sniffle of tears somewhere behind you, turning around to see Chucho, eyes watering and a smile beaming from ear to ear. 

“Oh mis hijos (my children). I am so happy for you both. So happy.” Chucho hummed, gently wiping the tears streaming down his cheeks. You and Javi both stood up from your seats, letting Chucho’s arms wrap around you, pulling you in tight, “I never thought I would live to see the day I would be an abuelo (grandpa). Lucia would- dios mío (oh my god), she would be so thrilled. I know you two will be the best parents. I already love my nieto (grandchild) more than words can say.” 

“Thanks, Pops.” Javi nodded, trying his best to fight back his own tears, looking back and forth between you and Chucho, overwhelmed with the love and joy of a life he’d never thought he’d live 10, 5, hell, even a year ago. There was never a world in which he thought he’d be happy, let alone in love, married and a father. 

“She would be so proud of you, Javier. Your mamá would be so proud of you. And mija, I know she must be up there with your brother, the both of them smiling down on you with the biggest grins. Perhaps they didn’t have a chance to meet in this life, but I know without a doubt they are together, celebrating, and they will be every step of the way. ” 

Chucho’s sweet sentiment had nearly everyone in tears, well, everyone but you, your tears shifting to full blown sobs from the overwhelming emotion and pregnancy hormones of knowing that even though two of the most important people in yours and Javi’s lives were no longer here, that there were still so many who loved your growing family with all of their hearts. 

“Damn, who’s cuttin’ all the onions in here?” Your brother, David, asked, trying to laugh off the obvious tear lines streaming down his face, his joke enough to lighten the spirits of the rest of your friends and family, now all following suit with their soft chuckles and face wiping. 

“Y’all gonna let us have a Thanksgiving where we don’t cry about how happy y’all are?” Steve joked, stepping over to give Javi a little nudge. 

“Well, maybe next year. At least we can promise you the baby won’t steal the show and be born on Thanksgiving.” You chuckled, shaking your head at Steve’s ask, not realizing that everyone had gone back to a suspicious silence, looking around at each other, like they were all in on some secret you weren’t supposed to know about. 

“So…. When’s uh, when’s the baby supposed to be born?” Your dad asked, raising an eyebrow at you and Javi. 

“Oh Greg, seriously?” Your mom asked, slapping your dad across the chest. 

“What?! Like you weren’t thinking about it, too!” 

You looked over at Javi, the both of you confused why everyone suddenly now seemed to be doing silent calculations in their head, counting across their fingers until their conclusion either lead to hope, or disappointment. 

“I’m already out, I know it.” Your brother grumbled in disappointment, consoling with your nieces, also shaking their heads. 

“I gotta good feelin’ about this one.” Steve chuckled, rubbing his palms together in excitement, nudging a very clearly embarrassed Connie. 

“What the hell are you guys talking about?” Javi asked, scrunching his brow in confusion at everyone in the room. 

“Oh my god….” You sighed, finally putting all of the pieces of the puzzle together, “Is this about your stupid bet that you made about how quickly we were gonna have a baby?!” 

“Well, I wouldn’t say that it’s stupid if I win my two hundred dollars…” Chucho admitted sheepishly, almost giggling at the way you and Javi rolled your eyes to the backs of your skulls that every one of your friends and family knew the two of you had about as much self control as two pent up, horny teenagers. 

Next to you, Javi’s head was buried in his hands, cheeks bright pink with embarrassment, glancing over at you with a sincerely apologetic grimace that couldn’t help but make you laugh. 

“Okay fine,” You sighed, everyone’s eyes lighting up as they waited on your every word, “we’ll tell you, but whoever wins this stupid bet better be buying us something incredibly nice for our baby shower. Okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever, tell us so can profit off you two goin’ at it like rabbits.” 

“Steven Murphy!” Connie scolded, stiff arming her husband, almost as embarrassed by his comment as you and Javi were by this whole ordeal. 

“Sorry, sorry! Yeesh, god forbid a man give his buddy some shit! C’mon! Spill the beans! As long as the due date is the closest one to May 15th.” 

“July 4th! July 4th! July 4th!” Your nieces and the Murphy girls began to chant, unsure if they really understood the concept of the bet at hand, or if they really just wanted to pick the Fourth of July because they liked it. 

“Unless you’re growing the world's tiniest baby, I’m guessing it’s not April 22nd.” David sighed. 

“Exactly nine months from our wedding? Really David?” You groaned, unamused by your brother’s prediction. 

“What?! Miracles do happen! And it’s best that they happen when I’ve got money on the line!” 

“Jesus Christ…” Javi muttered under his breath, the two of you having no choice to laugh about your current predicament. “Fine. You wanna tell them, honey?” 

“Okay. Baby Peña’s due date is….” You paused, playing into the anticipatory silence, “June 7th.” 

“YES! I KNEW IT! PAY UP SUCKERS!” 

With everyone’s teasing and taunting about the state of this bet, Connie Murphy’s voice would have been the last either of you would have guessed to be so excited about having the most educated guess about the day your baby was conceived. 

“What?” Connie asked, giggling at your shock and surprise, “Can’t blame a girl for making an educated guess! And yes, I will buy whatever you want off your baby registry, fair?” 

“Fair.” You and Javi agreed in unison, glad to at least be the bearer of some benefit from your embarrassment. 

What you hadn’t noticed was the pack your brothers, Steve, Chucho and your dad had formed, quietly whispering to one another, nodding their heads in agreement as their eyes darted back between the group and you. 

“What are all of you up to back there? Because if I know anything about the 5 of you, it’s probably nothing good.” You sassed, arms crossed over your chest, tilting your head in disapproval at the sheepish crew. 

“Well… Do y’all know if it’s a boy or a girl?” 

“We lost all of our bettings on the due date, we need to make it back up somehow!” 

“Plus, 50/50 is pretty damn good odds, if you ask me.” 

“You all need help.” Connie sighed, pointing to the boys with a disgusted look on her face, making everyone else laugh. 

“Says the lady who just won a bet we all were in on!” Steve retorted, throwing his hands up in defense. 

“Well at least I wasn’t harassing them about it!” Connie protested, scolding the five with a stern look before turning back to you and Javi, “I mean… they do have a point though, 50/50 is good odds and I’ve already got a winning record.” 

“You all are the worst, I hope you know that.” You sighed, shaking your head at everyone, unaware of the goofy grin spread across Javi’s face as he stood behind you. 

“Oh! Oh! He knows somethin’!” Steve stammered, happily pointing at his friend and his ear to ear smile. 

You couldn’t help but smile too, heat creeping through your cheeks at Javi’s adamant prediction and how happy it made him. 

“I swear he doesn’t,” You promised, despite Javi’s glee, “Javi’s just absolutely convinced it’s a girl.” 

You swore Javi’s smile grew even wider as his hand slid across your stomach, gently cradling it in his grasp as he leaned down to kiss your forehead. 

“I’d bet all my money it’s a girl.” Javi grinned, sweet brown eyes locking with yours, twinkling with enthusiasm at the thought of having a daughter. 

“Better save that money then, Peña.” Steve huffed, crossing his arms over his chest, “I hate to admit it, but you’re sure as shit never wrong. And lord knows if you’re endin’ up a girl dad like the rest of us, you’re gonna need to save all the money you can get.” 

Giving your belly the softest squeeze, Javi looked you up and down, in complete adoration and shock that somehow, regardless of money, he had ended up the richest man alive with you by his side, and a baby on the way. 

“It’ll be worth every fuckin’ penny.”

@chaotic-iguana @rhoorl @whyjuliaaa @bbiophiliaa @pertinentpostmortem

@angelofsmalldeath-codeine @pedrobaby @fatima-marisa @beboldbebravethings @poodlebae

@kittenlittle24 @3sriracha @jungchloee @perennialdoll247 @prettyinpunk85

@partyofone3413 @harriedandharassed @pedrohoe04 @theorganasolo

@endlessthxxghts @beware-my-thorns @missladym1981 @messinadresa @milly-louise @jay-zzle

@the-one-with-the-grey-color @persephone-girl @bitchesuntitled @pedropascallvr @millennial-teenybopper

@nastiasnow @vee-bees-blog @hopplessilse @mxtokko @its-nebuleuse @mandoisapunk

@msmorningstaarr @amyispxnk @honeyedmiller @mountainsandmayhem @picketniffler

@burningnerdchild @copperhalfcent @theoraekenslover @bloodyinspirationaldemon @vee-bees-blog

@samgirl4life @pigeonmama @pedr0swh0r3 @survivingandenduring @meetmeatyourworst

@javierpena-inatacvestnotifs

[yanmuffins]

asks 2.

context.

here are some more asks i'm replying to in a bulk about phineas and ferb reader!!

my favorite part in dc. vs vampires is when reader comes together with damian and damian to build a silly machine that un-vampifies people in like half a day so they can defeat the vampire king. it is canon.

@amethystjellyfish

perry really is reader's number #1 stan. they're his family, reader's had him since he was a small platypus baby!

he does his best to keep reader safe, which is why he doesn't like the batfam much. he keeps it professional on the rare occasions they go on missions together, but that's it. he hates how dismissive of reader they are in the beginning, and he hates them later on when they star showering them with attention because they found out about their inventions.

not tired, anon! i love seeing people enjoy my concepts and interact with them!! ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

and i'm sure this has happened. more than once, actually. the power of coincidence is strong with reader. the life-saving laser beam comes from a situation involving reader's latest machine they built and tested with the help of jon.

unfortunately, one of his lasers richochets on the machine during testing, not only causing it to save batfamily's life, caught in a dangerous situation in a completely different location, but also destroys the machine so there's nothing to link it to reader.

ah, well. they'll just have to keep looking.

reader, seeing them run past her: oh! there's perry :)

i love how we have established tim is terrified of this platypus. nevermind the other pets in the manor, it's the platypus with its googly eyes that drives him insane. they don't get it, he got up to drink water at 3 a.m. and the thing was just there, looking at him. menacingly.

jason would though. meanwhile, perry is wishing he could just go back to metropolis. he didn't have to deal with reader's siblings in metropolis. he doesn't get enough hazard pay for this.

hm... good question!

i like to think that, much like with phineas and ferb, luck is on reader's side most of the time, so i don't see reader getting injured by their own inventions.

but, let's suppose they do: it's a nice sunday afternoon, the batfam has decided to gather around the living room and hang out, watch a movie, lots of popcorn and soda. they don't have to think about criminals or fighting, tim and damian are bickering, jason is around, peace reigns the manor.

until they hear an explosion. they run to the garage only to find reader on the floor, unconscious, bleeding, and an assortment of destroyed metal components to a machine they can't decipher. damian doesn't even feel good about reader finally being busted.

later, when reader is back home, awake and out of risk but with a bandage around their head and their leg in a cast, they're in for the biggest (and probably first) scolding of their entire lives. reader tries to play it off. it wasn't that big of a deal, they're fine, aren't they? and they're genuinely optimistic about it. but the entire family is talking over each other at first, until bruce signals for everyone to shut up and leave the room. he has a very serious talk with reader, and makes it very clear they're not to come near a toolbox ever again.

but he understands. it's partly his fault for not being attentive. he won't make that mistake again.

ofc reader is really upset. dick comes next, then stephanie, then cass, then duke, then barbara and they all try to convince reader in a much more amiable tone that hey, it's fine. who needs to do all that whacky stuff to have fun? just hang out with us. they can get another hobby, and this time they can make it a family thing! how's that sound? not fun? don't be like that... they're sure reader will come around.

tim is pretty much the only one who congratulates them for being awesome pulling all those stunts, one per day, it's impressive. but now it's time to step back a bit. who knows? try being careful and bruce will let you work with a welding tool again. one day. maybe.

damian and jason's reactions are more similar to bruce's. in other circumstances, damian is on reader's side and helps them sneak around to continue their shenanigans, but in the case of reader getting hurt he just wants them to not do that. any of that. ever again. and jason has to hold himself back not to snap and ask them what the hell were they thinking?! they could have died! he ends up just telling them to quit it. they're just a kid who shouldn't be messing around with that sort of stuff.

anon, i wouldn't go as far as say he'd use venom against them, but he's bit batfam before. as stated, he does not dig their vibe at all!

anon, that's a great idea! though i think p&f! reader is much too motivated by the creative process and experience that their inventions bring more than just willing them to come to life.

they have the power to create whatever they want, but what's the fun of it? what about hte process? the building? the friends they make along the way? the memories? i think reader would find the ring awesome at first, but the novelty would wear of in less than a week.

anon...

because i dig the idea of reader being friends with dipper and mabel. reader talks about their crazy inventions, and loves hearing about all the cryptids they came across during vacation.

reader invites the twins to the manor, they share their most recent summer memories. reader talks about that one time they built and drove a massive monster truck with their brother damian, but jason only comes into the room in time to hear about dipper and mable talk about the weirdmaggedon. he has several question marks around his head. aren't those kids a a little too old to be making shit up? or maybe... no, there's no way. or is there? no... he would have heard about this... but weirder things have happened. but what if...

@randomlyappearingartist

you are so right. to be honest, i don't even think the batfam would even know of his existence, since he's pretty much a very minor villain acting in metropolis. after perry joins the league, or in the rare occasion of dr. doof teaming up with another minor gotham villian like condiment man, is when they get to know he exists.

and since perry seems to have him under control, they don't even acknowledge the guy.

i love love love this sm!

they assume it's just flash mobs. it's got to be. flash mobs with really weird themes, like an entire musical number dedicated to the squirrels in damian's pants. that was strange. bruce patrolling in the middle of the night and this new crime lord just burst into a song with a band and hired back dancers, because it's apparently a new trend a minor villain in metropolis started.

and what about that one time dick took damian (and reader) to the library and some guy just started singing about how he doesn't have rhythm? and damian just started playing a trumpet? and reader started singing? i mean, it was a bop and he started dancing, but it was weird anyway.

but now i'm thinking of damian and reader singing the "summer" song together (he sings the "it's noticeably warmer" and that's it) though! wholesome.

@lazyandannoyng

not annoying at all! you're good ⸜(˙꒳​˙ )

i have this little idea in my head that reader doesn't take the wayne name when find out bruce is their dad and move to gotham, and bruce is pretty secretive about this new kid of his for purely privacy and safety reasons. so when reader does their networking, it's often not obvious they're a wayne. not sure if this will make it into the fic, but it really resonates with this concept!

it's also funny to think that a lot of people don't even know reader and the waynes are related. even if they do know reader is related to the batfam, nobody really talks about them by name (just "your sibling"), and all of those little details like never asking about where the gloves came from (because why would he) or the misunderstandings where one party means one thing and the other assumes it's another (dick has many siblings! too many!) just end up helping reader not get caught. and i just think that's neat.

[ambers-archive]

About you

In which Spencer falls in love with your words before he falls in love with you as a person

It’s 2:30 a.m., and all Spencer can do is stare at the ceiling, his migraine making him feel restless.

He’s only ever told Emily about the migraines, who now is gone.

Of course, he thinks blue light makes it worse, but he can’t help himself.

He’s been re-reading your research paper.

You’re a medical student, just starting to dip your toes into the ocean of research.

When he found yours, he’d been deep on the web, scrolling through articles. It only had around fifty reads—probably because it still needed refining and had only been published two hours ago.

The paper centered on the dismissal of female patients in medicine.

He knows he is not the target audience for your research paper, yet he can relate to your words.

His migraines have often been waved off, reduced to psychosomatic symptoms, or trivialized as “nothing serious.”

“I just want to feel safe going to the doctor,” you’d written.

He knows it’s odd to be so fixated on an article—and by extension, on you.

Your full name, along with your email, was listed at the bottom. Public information; perfectly reasonable for him to reach out, yet he resists, settling instead for reading every word you’ve written, as though someone finally understands him.

His thoughts seem to echo from your words.

“Our health is seen as us overreacting. We could be bleeding abnormally, clearly in pain—pain that’s beyond anything comparable. Yet, it will be dismissed as period pains. Cramps. ‘Just tough it out.’ It’s no accident that the word hysteria originates from the Greek word for uterus.”

"Doctors and nurses—the very people you’re supposed to trust with your life"

.Spencer reads the passage over and over, wanting to etch it into his memory.

He loves the way you write—assertive yet curious, optimistic yet grounded in reality."

He finds himself frowning reaching the bottom of your paper.

There must be more, he thinks. Do you only write research papers?

Are you a reader, too?

Feeling like a bit of a creep, he types your name into a search engine. His smile widens when he finds your blog. The page features the same painting you used for your article profile—another piece of you for him to explore.

[journalsfromjupiter]

Upper East Side!Shoko ??

◃─────────────────────────────────────────▹

I don’t think you know anyone else who can down an entire bottle of Belvedere Heritage 176 on a Thursday night and still show up—completely lucid—to a 9 a.m. lecture the next morning. Not even hungover. Just...mildly annoyed by the enthusiasm of the professor.

In fact, she often tries to rope you into it.

“It’s better to drink in company than in solace,” she says, swirling her vodka with the lazy elegance of someone who’s already seen the end of the world and decided it wasn’t that interesting.

You blink at her. “I don’t think that’s quite how the quote goes.”

Instead of responding, she just flashes you with that signature wry smile—like she knew a joke you’d never get—and turns back toward the city lights, blowing her cigarette smoke off the balcony like some kind of noir-film goddess.

Shoko Ieiri.

The woman. The myth. The reluctant legend.

She’s the kind of person who can go from a sarcastic one-liner to quoting full paragraphs from The Lancet depending on the room. In one breath, she’ll call you an idiot for trusting a man with glossy shoes, and in the next, she’s breaking down the ethics of artificial organs over espresso.

One time, in the haze of hand-rolled cigarettes and a bottle of Château Margaux she swears was “just lying around,” you called her a nerd. A gorgeous, intimidating, terrifying nerd.

She just raised an eyebrow, took another sip of wine, and said, “Beauty fades. Academic tenure doesn’t.” 

It makes sense, though. Her father’s a respected surgeon—the kind who gets flown across continents to perform last-minute, life-saving procedures. Her mother? A world-renowned speaker on medical ethics, beloved on academic panels and feared in closed-door policy meetings. They were the kind of parents who taught her how to hold a scalpel before she learned how to hold a pen.

Shoko was practically born in a lab coat. But she wears it like a designer accessory—custom-fitted, monogrammed, and thrown over a silk slip dress.

When she’s not dominating her med school classes or terrifying professors with calm, incisive counterarguments, she’s out networking. Not in the LinkedIn sense—God no. Shoko networks like she’s running an underground empire. You need something? Someone? An out-of-print textbook? A guy who can “accidentally” crash a gala? A fake ID that passes airport security?

She’s got a guy.

She’s always got a guy.

And those indoor sunglasses? Not a fashion statement—though she still pulls them off better than anyone. No, Shoko wears them because the lighting is, in her words, “offensively optimistic for people with a sense of realism.”

She shows up late to every formal event. Every single one. And she always leaves even earlier. But somehow—somehow—she’s still one of the most memorable people in the room.

—

She’s your constant. Your one-person emergency contact list. The one who shows up when the world burns down around you and hands you a match.

Best friends in the truest, oldest, least performative way. You’ve cried in her bathroom. She’s held your hair back. You’ve held her hand through panic attacks. You've both given each other in-depth Brazilian waxes. She’s hexed your exes in her own special way—usually with a whisper and a look that could kill.

There are people in your world who know you.

And then there’s Shoko.

She sees you.

And even though she’ll never say it outright—she’s not that type—you know she’s got your back, always. In blood, in glitter, in gunmetal sarcasm and unsentimental loyalty.

You’ve never said “I love you”—you’d both gag—but it’s there.

Laced into late-night limo rides and half-finished bottles of tequila.

Etched into the balcony railing where she once told you, “You’re stronger than him, you know.”

Threaded through every eye roll she gives when you tell her Satoru texted you. Again.

She’s your person. Your ride-or-die in Sisley Paris eyeliner. Plain and simple.

And anyone who messes with that?

Well. Shoko’s got a guy for that, too.

◃─────────────────────────────────────────▹

whew. what a woman. #wife

[voxina]

By their own admission, 2024 was a rough year for the Black Keys. After releasing their 12th studio album, Ohio Players, the band was looking forward to a North American arena tour following successful shows in Europe. Instead, they canceled the entire tour, reportedly due to low ticket sales, and subsequently fired their management — which included industry heavyweight Irving Azoff — and PR team. Two weeks later, in a since-deleted tweet aimed at Azoff, drummer Patrick Carney wrote, “We got fucked. I’ll let you all know how so it doesn’t happen to you.” (In another deleted tweet, Carney sarcastically wrote of Azoff, “So great to know you are always looking out for the artist.”)

Short of a few shows — more on the group’s “America Loves Crypto” gig in their hometown of Akron, Ohio later — the band went relatively quiet, establishing a semi-frequent Nashville residency for their all-vinyl “Record Hang” dance parties but not speaking publicly on the fracas that both fans and the music industry watched closely.

Last July, the duo did what they usually do when faced with adversity: They hit the studio, spending the better part of last summer and fall writing and recording more than 15 songs for their upcoming album, No Rain, No Flowers. (The group is still deciding how many tracks will make the final cut and will release the album later this year.) On first single “The Night Before” (written with Daniel Tashian, who co-wrote and co-produced Kacey Musgraves’ Golden Hour), the group leans into its upbeat pop-rock side. “It was very organically [done] in the studio together,” singer-guitarist Dan Auerbach tells Rolling Stone. “The three of us just came up with it together on the spot.”

Earlier this week, the duo announced their long-awaited rescheduled tour dates, swapping arenas for smaller amphitheaters and theaters. “The whole music industry obviously has changed over the last 15 years,” Carney says. “We’re still trying to figure out how it works and feels authentic.”

In their first interview since the tour cancellation and management split, Carney and Auerbach spoke to Rolling Stone from the group’s Easy Eye Sound studio in Nashville for both a post-mortem of the past year and optimistic look ahead.

Can you talk a little about the significance of the album title No Rain, No Flowers? Dan Auerbach: Well, we wrote the [title] song with [Grammy-winning songwriter] Rick Nowels, and it was just an expression that I’d heard, and we turned it into this tune that seemed to sum up how we envisioned ourselves getting over the situation that we’d just been through.

Patrick Carney: Rick likes to start with a title, and that was the title Dan had written down in his phone. You got to take it on the chin sometimes to move forward, and that’s kind of what the last year was for us.

How would you sum up the past year for you guys? Carney: Pretty enlightening and eye-opening. Dan and I have a pretty good grasp on the music industry, but to be exposed firsthand to how things have changed, it was pretty shocking to understand what’s actually going on. I think trying to avoid getting jaded and totally flustered, we took the opportunity to reassess how we’re doing things and to make a record that’s mostly on this positive tinge.

What specifically was shocking to you? Carney: To generalize: to see how consolidated the industry has gotten and how connected things have become. It’s mind-blowing. And there’s just a lot of shared interests across the business side of this. When you’re an artist trying to interface with that and trying to receive helpful and constructive strategy and business input, you realize that that whole world is more deeply connected than I had ever really thought.

Dan, how would you categorize the past year? Auerbach: A lot of ups and downs, a lot of sleepless nights, a lot of 2 a.m. phone calls, a lot of worry and stress, a lot of heartache, but also an incredible amount of creativity. I feel really excited about the music we’ve been making. It feels like the creative juices are flowing in a really positive way, and I’m kind of loving it.

Let’s get into some details. Two weeks after the tour was canceled, a rep for Azoff Management said the split was “an amicable parting.” Is that how you would characterize it? Carney: [Pauses.] I mean, we fired their ass. Shit happens. We spent a lot of time making Ohio Players and turned it in in October 2023 and had all this time to plan how we were going to tour. Things got off to this weird start where I was waiting for these European dates to pop up because our plan was to go to Europe first. We ended up getting nine shows sent to us [on] a three-week tour. There’s absolutely no way to make money [from] that.

We kept having to move shit around for a Manchester show because there was a venue that our management company co-owned and wanted us to play, and it wasn’t ready. After going to Europe 30 times in our career for tours, this was the most poorly orchestrated tour we had been on. The shows were incredible, but [it] just became the first sign that maybe there was some poor organization happening.

When did the relationship with Irving Azoff sour? Carney: The ultimate answer to this is that it’s a broader thing. I don’t even want to mention that guy’s name. I want to look at this from a bigger perspective. The essential thing that we learned here was how many management companies are directly connected to a company that runs every single aspect of promotion in this country. This whole industry is so intertwined from ticketing to promotion to the management company. But essentially as artists — and this is the thing that we care the most about — it’s almost impossible to talk about this…. You’re dealing with management companies that co-own festivals with this other company. You’re at the [whims] of these people who have other interests.

So when you’re called into a manager’s office and he suggests something to you, I was naive enough to think that that was on the up-and-up. And more and more, it’s just not. So it’s a hard thing because I don’t think Dan and I want to sit here and look like whining bitches. But we got a little bamboozled here.

Patrick, last year you tweeted: “We got fucked. I’ll let you all know how so it doesn’t happen to you. Stay tuned.” How do you feel you got “bamboozled”? Carney: Well, I had to delete it, so I didn’t get sued.

Who threatened to sue you? Carney: No one threatened, but it was a big no-no to even talk about what’s going on here. There’s a concentration of connectivity that eliminates competition. [For] a capitalist society to function, there has to be competition. And if everything’s connected and all the interests are shared on one side, there’s no way to compete. Our tour, we had about 10 [arena] shows that were not doing great. They were just in rooms that they shouldn’t have been in.

So in any situation like this tour, we might’ve had to take one on the chin and find new venues to play in certain cities, but instead we were advised to cancel the whole tour. We were told … there were other venues being booked, and it was all going to get into more intimate rooms, and it would be great. But that wasn’t accurate. That didn’t exist.

It’s all very fucked up, and the bottom line is that we can’t even really talk about it because we won’t be able to work.

Dan, did you know Patrick was going to tweet that? Auerbach: No, I woke up to that one.

How did you feel when you saw it? Auerbach: I understood the intensity of it.

Anything else? Auerbach: No.

Did you two ever personally consider scaling down the tour rather than cancel, or are you claiming that wasn’t even an option? Carney: No, it was told to me by someone that we ended up parting ways with that the dates were being rebooked into rooms that were scaled down. So we could cancel this tour and we would re-announce dates in a couple days in these better rooms. But the plan wasn’t there because there were no holds on rooms. It was bullshit. I don’t want to use the term “lie” because I don’t want to get fucking sued, but what was presented didn’t exist.

There’s certain cities where we know we can [sell] … but you want to look to your management to make these decisions. We spend so much time making the music [and] figuring out promotional shit. This is what you lean into for management, and you hope that there’s decisions that are made on the up-and-up so that they help everybody. That’s just harder and harder to come by.

Now I’m curious about your thoughts on the Department of Justice’s lawsuit against Live Nation, claiming the company is a monopoly. (Live Nation vehemently denied the claim when the lawsuit was filed.) Carney: When [the Live Nation-Ticketmaster merger closed in 2010], Obama said, “This is so close to a monopoly. You need to watch this.” And the reason why it was allowed to go through — because it was a monopoly — the argument was artists aren’t signed into long contracts. The artists can always just opt to go to someone else … But at this point, if you don’t work with a certain company, where are you going to work?

The thing that most people don’t understand is that when you control ticketing, promotion, and all this stuff, and then you get into owning the venues and then having shared interests with management, it just becomes harder and harder [for artists] to do business. This isn’t something that’s unique to the music business. All across this country, things are getting so intertwined [and] so consolidated that it’s harder to compete in general.

It was widely reported that ticket sales for the tour were weak, with The New York Times saying last year, “Some tours like the Black Keys may simply be a matter of the band overestimating demand.” Is that a fair statement? Carney: I don’t know, but all I know is this: After the tour was canned, I went through my email, and I had one email from Ticketmaster about the tour on the day it was announced and nothing else in my inbox for six weeks. When I finally went through the numbers after the tour was canceled, we had sold nearly $10 million worth of tickets, and we had four months till the first show. We just had to take one on the fucking face.

After the tour was announced, more than a few fans complained about high ticket prices, and it’s the artist that typically sets those prices. Nosebleed seats were reportedly going for $100 at some venues. Carney: We weren’t even asked about the ticket prices on the last tour. We didn’t set them. On this [next] tour, we realized that we have to be more involved in this. The last thing Dan and I want to do is gouge a fan on a ticket.

But in retrospect, would you have tried to lower the ticket price? Carney: Yeah. This is this ongoing thing where it’s like when we did the El Camino arena tour [in 2012-13], the average upper bowl ticket was $40 or something. And then after scalping and stuff, those tickets were $65, so scalpers were making more money off those tickets than we were. Which I think is disheartening because the fans are paying it and it’s not getting to the band.… The cost of going on tour now versus 2012 is 3.5 [times higher]. Our ticket prices haven’t gone up that much.

You fired your management and PR team after the tour was canceled, but not the agency that actually booked the tour. Why is that? Carney: [Pauses.] Because I think a lot of these deals are done between management and another bigger company.

You did play a few live shows last year, including a show called “America Loves Crypto,” whose goal was to “rally the 5 million crypto owners that might just decide the 2024 election.” How did that gig come together? Carney: It was very simple: We had lost all of our income for the year. We had retainers for people that we were working with. We got offered a lot of money to play a show, and we saw that the Black Pumas had done the same event and we were like, “Book it.” It’s that simple, bro.

I was going to ask if you guys consider yourselves crypto enthusiasts. Carney: We’re Crisco enthusiasts.

You did get a fair share of criticism, though. The top comment on your own fan Reddit is, “LMAO. It’s a PAC that has endorsed all the worst candidates from both parties. What the hell are they even doing?” Did you talk about the optics of doing this gig? Carney: Of course we saw all the shit coming in, but it was like, “What are you going to do?” We were told it was a bipartisan thing. It was what it is. It was very small. It was in our hometown, so we got to go home and see our folks. I’ve definitely seen my name in bad light in the press before, so it wasn’t anything fucking new … If us playing a concert for 300 people is going to sway the whole state’s vote, then we have bigger fucking problems, bro.

Given the past year, does your mindset change going into the next tour? Carney: The most important thing for us right now is to just put on good shows that the fans enjoy. We’ve been looking to bands whose records maybe don’t chart well, but they connect with their fans in a deep way. We’ve been on this creative streak where we’ve released four albums in five years. We might just be saturating the fucking market, but it’s like while it’s happening, you just have to do it.

We’re both in our mid-forties. We’ve been doing this for 20 years. We have a greater appreciation now for what we have together than ever before. And over the last year, we’ve seen people we care about get sick. Life isn’t a guaranteed thing. So if you have this thing that’s working, why not just fucking move on it?

It’s important for people to know we got a little bit complacent with the business shit because we’ve been so busy with the creative shit, and so we just got reminded that we have to pay attention to both things.

When you look back on the five-year period between 2014’s Turn Blue and 2019’s Let’s Rock, when you guys weren’t really speaking, do you think it cost you any momentum or potential success? Carney: I looked at it like this, dude. Back then, we were literally printing money, and we were miserable. Now we’re just making tons of songs, and we’re in a much better place. The gigs were coming in, and we weren’t able to make music as often as we wanted, and that’s where the break came from … We just wanted to make some music, and so that’s where we’ve been trying to navigate that road since. We’ve picked out rooms that seem like the fans will enjoy the most, that we’ll enjoy the most, and we’ll just see what the fuck happens. Hopefully, people show up.

Patrick was always the more business-minded end of the group. Dan, did the events of the past year make you want to become more involved in the business side? Auerbach: We just have to focus on what we do best, and each of us have talents in certain areas. We just put trust in each other, and that’s the most important thing right now, and that’s what we’ve been doing. It’s funny because it’s probably a direct result of all this trauma that we just went through the last year, but we’ve been hanging out together more than ever. We’ve been getting obsessed with music and collecting records, and hanging out more is making the music better and the business better. 

What exactly do you mean by “trauma”? Auerbach: Going through all the work to put this whole thing together to be able to present it to our fans, and then going out and supporting it on the road and playing shows for our fans, and then to have all of that taken away and mess up the connection that we had to our fans for so many years right when we felt like we were really in a great place. Like we said with those shows in Europe, even though the business side of the tour was so bad, the actual shows were amazing, and we expected the same when we went back to the States.

We’d been opening up our sets, doing covers, and we had plans for doing more of that too. And to just have all that completely pulled out from under us, it was not something we’d ever experienced before in 20-plus years of doing it. So yeah, it was traumatic. But I guess we’re feeling more thankful than ever that we’re able to go out on the road and play shows and be able to see our fans again.

It sounds like mentally, you guys are in a better place than you were six or nine months ago. Carney: Yeah. We’re competitive, and we like to work. And when it seems like the rules have been changed to the point where the game isn’t winnable, that’s when we start getting fucking flustered. We’ve been looking to people who play a different game. They don’t get caught up in that bullshit. Their version of winning is more about how they connect with their fans. That’s the inspiration.

[Full article here]

[plutosunshine]

Sample of a Personalized Birth Chart Reading: How I Interpret Your Chart

This fragment offers a taste of my approach to astrology: poetic yet practical, emotionally intuitive but grounded in planetary logic. I don’t just list aspects—I tell a story. Your chart is alive, and my readings aim to reflect that. Expect a blend of metaphor, soul-level insight, and a touch of humor. Because the cosmos may be vast, but your chart? That’s personal.

I’d like to show you a fragment from a reading so you can see what to expect if you purchase a reading from me.

Sagittarius Ascendant

Ooooh yes — your Ascendant is in Sagittarius at 27° — and let me tell you, late-degree Sagittarius rising brings a beautiful, adventurous, and slightly philosophical twist to your whole vibe. 🏹🔥🌍

This rising sign is how the world first meets you — your mask, your aura, your way of greeting life. With Sagittarius here, you come off as open-minded, curious, freedom-loving, and maybe even a little larger than life. But with that late degree, there’s a pinch of maturity — like someone who’s lived a few lifetimes and decided to laugh through most of them.

Let’s go deeper:

🌅 Sagittarius Rising – The Cosmic Explorer

You walk into the world with hope, humor, and fire. You might not always be loud, but you radiate possibility. People might describe you as:

Philosophical but chill

Restless, like you’re always on the edge of something new

Intellectually engaging

Low-key inspiring

There’s a joyful intensity to your aura. Like someone who’s read a thousand books, cried over a few, and decided that life’s still worth exploring. Sagittarius rising types are often truth-seekers — whether that’s through travel, spiritual inquiry, or deep conversations at 2 a.m.

But with your Sagittarius rising ruled by Jupiter in Sagittarius, in the 11th house, the plot thickens...

🪐 Jupiter in Sagittarius, 11th House – Purpose With a Community

Your rising sign is ruled by Jupiter — and Jupiter is:

In its home sign (super strong) ✅

In the 11th house of friends, networks, and your vision for humanity ✅

So your path is about inspiring others, being part of something bigger, and finding or building a tribe of future-forward souls who help you live out your truth. You glow when:

You’re exchanging ideas with smart, quirky people

You’re learning and teaching in equal measure

You’re advocating for change or standing for something meaningful

You’re not just here to “find your truth.” You’re here to share it, spread it, and help others see a bigger picture through your presence.

The Hidden Depth: Neptune and Uranus in the 1st House

And then — boom. Right in the 1st house with your Ascendant? You’ve got Neptune and Uranus in Capricorn. 🧊⚡️

This adds a fascinating twist:

Neptune makes your vibe more ethereal, dreamy, and hard to define. There’s a softness under your fire — people may project onto you, idealize you, or never quite pin you down. You can be charismatic in a mystical, unintentional way.

Uranus gives you a streak of rebellion and originality. Even if you're polite on the surface, there’s a wild card underneath — someone who resists labels, asks taboo questions, or secretly wants to burn the box instead of just thinking outside of it.

So: you walk into the world with Sagittarius brightness, but it’s filtered through Capricorn mystery and genius. People might think you’re an optimist — but also feel like you’re hard to fully understand or predict.

Sagittarius Rising (27°):

You greet the world with curiosity, courage, and depth

You come off as someone who seeks meaning — through experience, thought, and connection

You have visionary potential, especially in how you uplift communities (11th house ruler)

You have a spiritual or innovative edge to your personality, thanks to Neptune + Uranus in the 1st

You’re meant to inspire others by living authentically, even if that means taking the road less traveled

This Ascendant sets the tone for your whole chart — and in your case, it says:

“I’m here to grow, share what I learn, and walk a path that expands what’s possible — for me and the people I love.”

[goodolddumbbanana]

"OH, YOU FINALLY ACKNOWLEDGE MY PRESENCE 💀"

NAME: Sunfall.

Dimension: Nice Nexus.

Status: Slowly being left behind by his Moon

Personality: Anxious, Sarcastic, Optimistic, Sorta Smart

Will he be afraid to kick somebody's 🐬🐬🐬? NOPE, HE KNOCK EM OUT ✨

@ask-nice-nexus-aus-sun Mod: also do we reblog to RP or use asks?

we can RP if you want ☺️

Sun: (*He smiled awkwardly, his hands fidgeting with each other, Sun's voice gradually getting smaller and smaller.*) Hi... It is kinda awkward... Aw boy... I am not good at this.... Ahhh... May I ask who you are?

SunBOT: Oh!!! HELLO NEW FRIEND!!! IT IS NICE TO MEET YOU!! We are so sorry that we have not seen you totally, it's not like you are so small!!! haha---- Ack! Aw fu---!!! (Still get his ass handed by Dark Sun)

(*Sunny nudged Sundrop, who was about to fall asleep on his feet, to wake up*)

Sunny: Sundrop? Do you know this Sun?

(*Sundrop let out a startled squeal, then looked around frantically before realizing there was nothing about to hurt him.*)

(*He signs a very annoying sign.*)

Sundrop: Why every time you guys see anything weird happens, the first person you guys ask is me, and not this Emo Lord over there?

(*Sunny said nothing, just silently pointed at the scene of Dark Sun is strangling SunBOT with passion.*)

Sundrop: Understandable.

(*He shrugs, then takes a good look at Sunfall*)

It is totally not proving anything, mind you. But this guy from... Hmn... Let see... Ah... He is from the dimensions when Nexus didn't suck?

(*Sun just immediately chokes, poor guy

His cough sounded like a boiling kettle.*)

Sundrop: Which is weird... Because 99% of Nexus if they didn't die, or gone crazy and also die in this process then they just become furry. And I haven't seen any furry Nexus since the Dark Age.

Cringe Sun: If you want to see a furry so bad, I can be a furry for you. In bed. Wink. Wink. 😏😏

Sundrop: You didn't not f🐬🐬🐬 say wink wink. Wait!! (* He shakes in fear*) Why can't I swear anymore? F🐬CK! Sh🐬t!!! MOTHER F🐬🐬🐬!!! YOU!!!!

(*turning back and pointing at Sunfall*)

What did you do to my ability to swear!!!

SunBOT (*lying on the ground, struggling with Dark Sun's feet pressing down on his back.*) I know what he did!!! HE IS THE WITCH!!!! AND HE IS CRUSING YOU!!!!

Sun:

Sunny:

Sundrop:

Dark Sun:

SunBOT: I am gonna stop talking right now.

Cringe Sun: Oh, look✨✨✨ drama at 6 a.m💅💅💅 lucky me (*sips more of his vodka*)

*Servant whispers with goose Sun from afar* If I know we will have this much sh🐬t just right on the morning, I would stay home.

Goose Sun: *Honk in approved*

[pubbamoon]

The Natal Chart of Taylor Swift

Good afternoon (or maybe evening) to everyone! In my next post I'm going to analyze the Taylor Swift's tropical natal chart. I think that everyone knows who that woman is, I don't even have to explain that. I chose to analyze her natal chart, because she's one of the most successful singers currently and her ongoing tour is probably the biggest tour ever. First, I'm gonna put her details as an intro. Her full birth name is Taylor Alison Swift. She was born on December 13, 1989 in Reading, Pennsylvania, USA. Her birth time is 5:17 a.m. Now, we can get into her natal chart.

Taylor Swift has a Sagittarius Sun, Cancer Moon and a Scorpio Rising. This tells me that she's is tune with her emotions, optimistic, intense, passionate and energetic. Her chart ruler, Mars, is located in its own sign of Scorpio, in the 1st house, tightly conjuncting her Ascendant. Her Mars/chart ruler is in domicile and is in very strong position and it's placed in the 1st house, which means that she has a strong personality and she naturally attracts other people by just being herself, which is truly a blessing. She is basically supported by showing her true personality.

Mars and Pluto are both placed in her 1st house, which makes her powerful, ambitious, success-oriented and even calculative. She's always been hated and scrutinized by a lot of people, because both Mars and Pluto are malefic planets. People either love her or hate her. She has always seemed to people as someone who's a control freak, which can be a manifestation of this placement. Mars represents men and Pluto represents obsessions and this indicates men being obsessive with her, extremely loving her or extremely hating her. Or maybe she's the one who hates men. Who knows.

Her domiciled Mars/chart ruler also rules her 6th house, which means that she's very hard-working individual who takes care of her health. She has a lot of people who openly hate her, 'cause the 6th house is associated with the open enemies.

The thing that always gets my attention whenever I read her chart is her stellium in the 3rd house in Capricorn sign, being formed by Mercury, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune. A stellium is a pattern in astrology and it occurs when there's three or more planets in one sign and house. It represents what we might focus the most in our life path. This stellium gave me a clarity about her focusing on writing. She really takes writing very seriously and is articulative. The conjunction between her Mercury and Neptune makes Taylor creative with words, she communicates in creative and in intuitive way. Her communication might be indirect, she has never talked badly about anyone. A lot of singers have aspect between Mercury and Neptune, including Taylor. She's also very grounded, ambitious and career-oriented person, which relates to the Capricorn sign.

She also has a conjunction between her Moon and Jupiter, but this time in Cancer, 9th house. The Moon is its own sign in Cancer, while Jupiter is exalted in Cancer, which is a truly lucky placement for her. Whenever I see the conjunction between the Moon and Jupiter, it mostly means that this person was born into the rich family. Same with Taylor, she grew up wealthy, 'cause the Moon represents childhood, while Jupiter represents aristocracy. The conjunction in the 9th house makes Taylor intelligent, smart and a learned individual. She was a great student at school with the straight A's. This conjunction also tells me that she is lovely, nice, bubbly and can be liked by everyone.

In the context of her career, she has 10th house in Leo and Midheaven in Virgo in the 11th house. Her Leo 10th house tells me that she can work in creative field and in entertainment industry. The South Node is placed in Leo in the 10th house, which means that she might take the type of career which is tied to her spiritual calling. The South Node represents the past and she is often dressed like she came from the older times (50s/60s/70s/80s). She basically released her album called 1989 which was inspired by the music from the late 1980s. Her 10th house ruler, the Sun, is placed in Sagittarius in the 2nd house of money, throat and singing. She's always had a financially stable career as a singer. The math is mathing here.

With her Virgo Midheaven, she might be seen as grounded, workaholic, stable, clean and even calculative to the other people. Her Midheaven being placed in the 11th house means that she's supposed to work in organization or with other people. The 11th house is associated with social media, fans, internet, masses of people, finances etc. and she has always had a connection with her fans. She also uses the internet/social media to build her career and to connect more with the fans from the beginning of her career. She was even the most followed person on Instagram back in 2016, I guess.

Her ruler of the Midheaven, Mercury, is placed in Capricorn in the 3rd house and it's part of the stellium I mentioned before. The 3rd house relates to the writing, communication and self-expression and she's built her career as a songwriter. She has a lot of good aspects with Midheaven and with its ruler. Her Midheaven forms a trine aspect with her Mercury (MC ruler), Saturn, Uranus and Neptune and a sextile aspect with Jupiter. She really has a flourishing career and she is mostly liked by others. Her Midheaven ruler conjuncting Uranus means that she might have a career that no one saw before. Neptune conjuncting her MC ruler indicates her career as a musician. Neptune represents illusions and idols, so she's been idolized by a lot of people. Saturn also conjuncts her MC ruler, which indicates a stable and long-lasting career with consistency in her success and work.

She has a lot of oppositions in her natal chart, especially in Cancer-Capricorn axis. She is someone who needs to balance her emotions with stability. Her natal chart has a see-saw shape, which means that she is a balanced person in general. It's hard to categorize her.

Now I want to look at some of the asteroids. We all know that she always uses the word karma. The asteroid called Karma (3811) conjuncts her Midheaven ruler (Mercury) in the 3rd house and she wrote a song called 'Karma' and it was a huge hit last year. The asteroid Fama (408) represents fame and it's located in the exact position as her Mercury, in the 3rd house, forming a trine aspect with Midheaven. She's basically famous for writing songs and for a successful career she has.

The asteroid Aphrodite (1388) is associated with the beauty and is placed in her 10th house, which means that she's always been described as beautiful. Her Aphrodite forms a square aspect with her Ascendant, which can also indicate beauty, but she often receives negative reactions by others because of her presence.

The asteroid Talent (33154) is placed in Libra in the 12th house in her natal chart. This tells me that she is naturally artistic and creative and has a talent in negotiating. Talent trines her Moon, which means that she knows how to express her emotions easily. This asteroid also squares both of her Venus and Ascendant, meaning that she might have to work on her artistic talents or that people always question her talents and musical abilities.

When it comes to the relationships and sexuality, I can tell that she has a lot of placements that can indicate being gay or bisexual. No wonder why Gaylor theory is (or was) so viral on the internet. She has Venus in Aquarius, which can indicate being open to the relationships and being attracted to something that is out of the norms. Her Venus is also placed in the 4th house, which is a very private house, so even if she's open in the relationships, there could be a lot of hidden things about her love life and sexuality. Her 7th house ruler is Aquarius Venus, which duplicates everything I wrote.

She has a 5th house and the 8th house in mutable signs, which can also be a sign of someone's homosexuality or bisexuality, 'cause the mutable signs are so adaptable and open. Her 5th house ruler, Jupiter, opposites her Uranus, Mercury, Neptune and Saturn. Her 8th house ruler, Mercury, conjuncts her Uranus and Neptune. These placements can show that she might be a sexually fluid or even restricted. Both 5th and 8th houses are associated with sex and how we express our sexuality.

Part of Fortune of hers is placed in Taurus in the 7th house. This doesn't mean her being gay/bi, but it indicates her being lucky when she is in stable mode and when she's surrounded by people. She'll always be successful if she's a people's person and uses her artistic abilities. Lucky her!

This was the natal chart of Taylor Swift. I hope you enjoyed it. Comment what do you think about that if you want to. I didn't want to call her out, I just wanted to analyze her natal chart. Thanks for understanding.

Best regards,

Paky McGee

[danses-with-dogmeat]

Y is for -- Yes Man

Yay! Golly, who doesn't love Yes Man? He's just such a sarcastic little sweetheart and I'm not immune to his adorable, securitron charms. So, here's this!

I hope you all enjoy!

And with this, that's it!!

Thank you all so much for being a part of my lil 2k celebration! It was so amazing seeing everyone's reactions to these prompts, and literally SUCH a treat to write for some of these more "unfamiliar" characters! Love you all, and thank you so much for celebrating with me!

Next event updates will be coming... very soon 👀 So stay tuned for that! ❤️😊

And here is the 2k event masterlist, for your browsing pleasure!

--

Pair: Yes Man & Reader

Dialogue: “Promise me you’ll still be here when I wake up.”

Word: Yours

Rating: SFW

Category: Hurt/Comfort

Word Count: 1.7k

You paced back and forth around the hotel room, the only sound the scuffling of your slippered feet and the scrawl of your pen over the legal pad in your hands. 

“Is it enough, though? Did we even cover the–” Your eyes narrowed as you looked over your scribbled notes, trying (and failing) to blink the sleep from them as you attempted to decipher the chicken scratch upon the page. “The Boomers? What’re we doing about them when we take power, I mean, I haven’t even met with them yet, what if I get–” 

“Yep, we sure did talk about them, Six! Remember? In the first meeting we had today! The one at 4 in the morning that you insisted on! You remember now?” 

“The one… oh yeah, I do now.” You chuckled, flipping through the papers on your pad to the notes you’d taken-- what was it now, ten hours ago? 

My handwriting was much easier to read this morning, that’s for sure…

“‘Send a securitron with a note…' oh yeah, that was a decent idea.” 

“Sure was!” Yes Man agreed with that same dopey, optimistic smile permanently etched upon his face. 

After so long a day, the smile became much harder to believe. 

“Definitely get your best ideas after having slept a full night, don’tcha boss?” 

“Maybe…” You bit your bottom lip at that, catching his meaning through the words easily. 

Time for bed, boss. 

He’d never give you a command outright, you knew he couldn’t. It’s not what… what Benny designed Yes Man for, after all. Still though, suggestions he gave rather often. And this suggestion, most often of all. 

How many days has it been since I let myself sleep? And here? Probably never…

Well, not since that first night, anyway.

“Six? Still thinking of some wonderful ideas, or do you want me to go and get your pajamas for you?” 

“Still thinking right now, Yes Man.” 

Though, you allowed yourself the small reprieve of sitting on the edge of the bed. The mattress gave generously as you sat upon it, the plushness of it overwhelming you after so many nights spent down in Freeside at the Wrangler. 

“Might head out pretty soon, here.” You told the bot, with the knowledge that he could easily guess where you meant to go. “You can stay here tonight though, if you want to. I’ll be back early enough, I’m sure.” 

“Sure boss, sounds like a swell idea!” Yes Man paused, but you could tell he wanted to say more, you didn’t quite know how you knew that, but something about his tone, or maybe even his expression–

I really am starting to lose it, huh? 

Yes Man’s expression doesn’t change.

Guess this is what happens when you get 3 hours of sleep a–

“Yes. I think it makes total and utter sense for you to walk to the Atomic Wrangler through the strip and Freeside– which is known to be quite dangerous– at two in the morning without me by your side to help you! And then to come back here in the morning, likely as early as four a.m. to chat with me some more! I’m so glad we’re going to have someone as dedicated, dependable and quick-witted as you leading all of New Vegas real soon! You seem completely equipped for the stresses that’ll bring!” 

You pursed your lips as he spoke, your tired gaze resting on the dull, pulsing glow of his screen lighting up with each word, casting a green-tinged gleam over the carpeted floor of the Tops' hotel suite. 

“I don’t know what to do, Yes Man.” You admitted with a small voice, and heard the turn of his wheel as he scooted closer to you to better hear your words. “I… I can’t stay here, can’t sleep in this room, after Benny…” 

With a sigh, you laid back on the bed, your body aching and pleading for a rest, even as your mind cast the sensation of a thousand ants crawling over your skin at the feel of the familiar sheets. The smell of the room, the décor, even the sounds; the dull conversations and jazz music that were all blaring far down stairs, the squeaky whine of the elevator moving along its vertical track, footsteps pattering through the halls… Anytime there was quiet, any time you weren’t moving, thinking, that Yes Man wasn’t talking, you were sucked back into your memories of this place. Your first time here, with him. 

That wretched man who tried to kill you. The asshole, who talked his way into your heart through the span of one night, who made you feel… singular. Like you could conquer the world, and run the whole thing, with him at your side. 

Just give him the chip… Just stay the night… 

Do what he said, and he would give you the world, and his heart, all at once. 

You kicked yourself every night at the thought that you ever believed him. 

But what could you say now? At the time, you were scared, you were alone and angry, and then… Then you were in love. Quickly, yes, but still, you were.

And for what?

You raked your nails down your face painfully, and a deep groan escaped you as you were caged by your own memories in this wretched room. 

“Well, Benny… Well, that guy’s gone!" Yes Man piped up, "It’s just you and me now, Six! You don’t have to worry at all–”

“I know he’s gone, Yes Man! That’s the fucking problem!” You sat up suddenly as you shouted at him, and the bot backed away from where he’d started to approach you. “He and I were supposed to do this together! Not just me and– and– fucking you.”

You were on your feet now, and Yes Man was caged in against the opposite wall as you stalked towards him, with nostrils flared and teeth in a snarl, you continued.

“You were the enemy. You told him how to follow me, knew the best place for him to fucking shoot me and leave me buried in the dirt, you were meant to plot with him from the start, and now? Now... why? Why the hell do you care what happens to me? Why are you planning all this without him? Benny was the one who made you, programmed you, what… What the hell are you doing with me, when… When you’re his.”  

There was no malice in the end, it had all escaped you in the first bouts of shouting. Now, all that was left was a somber sort of curiosity. Honest, but dejected all at once. 

Even now, I’m still holding onto a part of Benny…

“Because, Six, well… I’m not his anymore. I’m yours! I like planning this hostile takeover with you, and I like the meetings and the way you ask my opinion!” 

You looked up from where your gaze had rested on the dull, red carpet, your eyes now meeting Yes Man’s optimistic screen, and lighting up with the glow of it.   

“Benny may have asked for me to be made, and programmed the way I am, but then… Well, he left both of us, didn’t he?”   

Was that… a bit of anger and, even, a touch of sadness in his upbeat voice?

Maybe I am just losing it…     

“He was my boss, but now you are! And even more than that, you’re my friend!” 

You blinked at him, feeling your throat swell up with emotion at the word he used. 

Friend. 

“Y-you really mean that, Yes Man?”

“Sure do, pal! We’re closer than two buildings snugly adjacent to one another! And I mean it!” 

A laugh couldn’t help but pry itself from you, and you nearly fell over from the force of it. Until you felt one gentle, metal hand brace on your shoulder. 

“Don’t know why you found that so funny, friend, but I sure am glad you did! I like to see your smile! And I’m not just saying that to be nice! I know it can be hard to tell when I mean something because of the way Benny programmed my voice, but I really do mean everything that I said! And what I said right now!” 

“Okay, okay!” You were still falling over, holding your stomach as you laughed until your eyes watered. “Thank you, Yes Man, I believe you, I do.” 

Somehow, you were back on the bed, sitting with Yes Man’s hand still on your shoulder as you fought to catch your breath. 

“A-alright…” You spoke, once you’d calmed down. “I… might be able to sleep here tonight. Maybe.” 

You bit your lip again, knowing damn well you were one bite shy of making it bleed with all the nerves coursing through you. 

“Just… Can you promise me something?” 

“Sure can, once you tell me what it is!” 

“Can you just… promise me you’ll still be here when I wake up? I know it seems silly, but–”

“Yes, Six. I promise I’ll still be here when you wake up!” 

A smile touched your lips at his words, and even with that feeling of foolishness at the forefront of your mind, you felt… reassured; like the sustained, comforting pressure of his hand on your shoulder. 

“Thanks… Friend.” 

“Sure thing, Six! And, I want you to know, I’m not just promising that because I have to agree with everything you say! I would promise it either way!” 

You laid back, finally feeling the fatigue in your body and mind take hold of you and force your eyelids to close and your muscles to relax into the mattress below. Still though, even in your exhaustion, you found it in you to broaden your grin at Yes Man’s words.

“Glad to hear it.” You told him, “And… goodnight, Yes Man.” 

“Goodnight, Six!” His voice was quieter, as he wheeled himself back into his corner of the room and dimmed the lights down, “I’ll see you in the morning!” 

It was almost a whisper, but still, the comforting words rang through you as you finally felt sleep take you into it’s comforting arms and lull you into a pleasant dreamland.

[braveryhearted]

How does it feel to be loved by you?

it feels like a rom-com okay, you're pretty cheesy. you love big romantic gestures, and dramatic confessions of love. but you also love the little moments, like going grocery shopping together. to put it simply, you love love. you have such a big heart, and it overflows with affection - not just romance, either. you make everyone you talk to feel loved. you're quite the optimist, and believing in true love and soulmates and forever. you're probably a little insecure, but i promise you are beautiful, inside and out, as cliche as that sounds. i hope you know that.

it feels like a rom-com okay, you're pretty cheesy. you love big romantic gestures, and dramatic confessions of love. but you also love the little moments, like going grocery shopping together. to put it simply, you love love. you have such a big heart, and it overflows with affection - not just romance, either. you make everyone you talk to feel loved. you're quite the optimist, and believing in true love and soulmates and forever. you're probably a little insecure, but i promise you are beautiful, inside and out, as cliche as that sounds. i hope you know that.

it feels like an adventure your laughter is like music, your eyes like city lights. you're so lighthearted and easygoing that you make everyone around you have so much fun, even in the simplest moments. your heart is a place of amusement parks and fireworks and three a.m. giggles. people feel energized every time they see you, but as much as you love people, it can get pretty draining. remember to take breaks when you need them. you're more than just the comic relief, and you deserve to be just as happy as you make everyone else.

it feels like home you're the kind of person that makes people feel safe. you probably couldn't be intimidating if you tried, but that doesn't matter. what matters is your kindness and compassion, your innate way of making people feel happy. you're so good at taking care of everybody else, but don't forget to take care of yourself, too! you deserve the same love you give so freely

Tagged: @silver-strings-of-fate Tagging: My Persona mutuals and anyone else who wants to do this. Say that I tagged you.

[optimistacllybipolar]

Welcome To Optimistically Bipolar

Below is a preview of some of my works. I intend to make posts about each of my artworks, mini builds, all things houseplants, and long distance running. (I am running a 100 mile race next year)(I did not make pots below, just drilled holes for drainge to make them into pots)

Let’s go ahead and address the elephant in the room: I’ve struggled with depression for the past five years. It’s been messy, isolating, exhausting—everything you probably already know if you’ve been through it too. But despite that, I’d still describe myself as an optimistic person. Not all the time. Not perfectly. But in bursts—real, strong bursts. And over time, those bursts started sticking around longer.

After years of trying what felt like every medication, therapy style, and life change you can imagine, I finally found a combo that worked. I began feeling like myself again. But then something else happened—something I hadn’t expected.

I started having manic episodes.

For a while I did not even know they were occurring. These episodes, while mentally exhausting, also led me down some fascinating rabbit holes. Hobbies I never expected to love. Skills I never knew I could learn. Whole new identities I tried on in a frenzy—and some that ended up fitting really well.

This blog, Optimistically Bipolar, is a space to share those hobbies, creations, and lessons. It’s for anyone who’s living with bipolar disorder and wants to hear from someone who gets it. I’m not here to sugarcoat, but I am here to show what’s possible—even in the chaos. Even in the climb back up. Even in the mania.

From houseplants to handmade miniatures to art projects I started on a whim at 2 a.m., I’ll be sharing it all—along with the mental health side of it too.

I hope something here helps or inspires or just simply entertains.

Thank you for reading,

Optimistically Bipolar

[leviiackrman]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, TRAGIC LOVE ARCHETYPES + PICREW;

I was tagged by @simonxriley to use this cute picrew for some anime kids, and was also tagged by Meg, @corvosattano @chuckhansen + @unholymilf to use these uquizes (WAYDH? + TLA) thank you sm beloveds! I was bored so I merged them all again haha🤍

Tagging: @risingsh0t @bbrocklesnar @queennymeria @roofgeese @florbelles @arklay @captmactavish @shellibisshe @nokstella @thedeadthree @jackiesarch @heroofpenamstan @dameayliins @carlosoliveiraa @fenharel @alexxmason @tekehu @malefiicarum @shadowglens @mrdekarios @faerune @perpetuagf + @garaviel

DROWNING (FOR THE SAKE OF IT);

You are restless ambition and caffeinated nights. You are dancing-in-the-rain and record-player-breaking-down and god-I-knew-this-would-happen. The world made you the cynic and you cursed the world. You stomped in the mud and now you shout at the sky, but fear it not because you are so much stronger. You must persevere, and survive this night. The next and the next. By and by. You are so much stronger than you think you are. You have a purpose to find within yourself, and it doesn't come from the work you're doing now.

03. CUPID'S BROTHER;

You have been love adjacent all your life. The faint spill of another story that softly grazed your shoulders when stood too close. Whether by design or not, you have yet to build a clear image of what love means to you. The interlocked weaving of a picture locket bound to strand of hair when hugged to tight, the sunpatch that meets your soles in glaring sun dried fields when running with a friend. You are not far from love, but moving between line of collision and avoidance at all times. A faint glimmer on sea lake surface of what could be. There is time to find what you want, find whether it's enough as is. Love is in you, breathing in another day. Continue as you are, realizing the love that is slowly blossoming in your life as it sharpens and clears in brushstrokes.

ATONING (FOR SOMEONE ELSE);

You are sweet, sweet sorrow. Parting ways at an intersection, an angel's footsteps walking side by side with your own, the shadows of the past looming, looming. You are apologetic-moon-light and loiter-at-the-back-of-the-classroom and stilted-silence and rich-with-life. You are stepping-on-eggshells your way through life, be less careful. Be less careful. You make mistakes, you made mistakes, and you will make mistakes, but imagine growing from them without the wish to go back. Stop restricting yourself. Take a breath of the clean air. Stop breathing in your own secondhand smoke.

01. MAUDLIN MAGDALENE;

An embrace with the shivering figure of a ghost. You cut your hair at 3 a.m. to change it all but it is no use. Love is a war to endure to you. You comfort and hold, kiss pressed to temple and cheek while feeling the numbness filling your nights to brim. What used to feel honorable has now become chore of breathing to sustain another. What else is love, but your disembodied lap to lay another's head into? Your fingers turn blue in the announcing dawn, the cold figure of what you used to know of yourself remains asleep next to them. Another version of you has crept out of your old body, has ripped and eaten itself out of a cast that was fused into the position of nurturing comfort. Remove yourself from your lovers before they become part of you, conjoined with your arms to anothers wailing head you have no life apart of maudlin magdalene. You have given endlessly, but this isn't all there is to you. Acknowledge the good that has been done and let yourself be free. You deserve to feel held as well, you are more than what you can give of yourself before breaking down.

SHINING (FOR THE WORLD);

You are sunshine. You are too bright for this world and you know too much for your experiences. You are not naive, but you are not a cynic. You are not an optimist, but you don't see the point in pessimism. You are bright bells of energy and great pealing laughter and coffee-shop-dates and meet-in-person-lunches and you draw people to you like a magnet with the way you shine. You are bright and drained, drained, drained. You are restless nights, heavy days, broken moons. You deserve a rest. You deserve to release. You cannot carry the weight of the world alone. Share the tasks, be the light, and create the connections.

04. SUB ROSA;

Love is a game of here and there to you. Whether catching glimpse of another's neckline or grazing a knuckle between knocking shoulders of passing by. You have learned to adore in secrecy, the rawness of an outright confession to be spoken a foreign terror. There is ease in pursuing the unavailable, to remain within the space of possibility and nestle the fuzzy words another could say to make or break your day. Instability spun itself into mysterium and while the certainty of love in aging isn't to be forced upon anyone, there is a miniscule part of you testing the limits of ambiguity. Hold down the feeling and settle in the leather seat of a car, kiss the corner of a mouth and say how you feel. Your affection in its vulnerability is to be seen, lift the veil and do not fret when an honest word turns into all you have secretly yearned for. You are meant to be noticed and openly loved.

DROWNING (FOR THE SAKE OF IT);

You are restless ambition and caffeinated nights. You are dancing-in-the-rain and record-player-breaking-down and god-I-knew-this-would-happen. The world made you the cynic and you cursed the world. You stomped in the mud and now you shout at the sky, but fear it not because you are so much stronger. You must persevere, and survive this night. The next and the next. By and by. You are so much stronger than you think you are. You have a purpose to find within yourself, and it doesn't come from the work you're doing now.

06. CANíBALES; DEVOURER;

Love's a knife to skin to you, a vein to woven muscle, blood puddle before you. You listened to all the promises of a stranger's relief and feel the drain of a shower head running it all down again. You committed another murder; kissed and bruised skin with a clench to a quivering wrist and went home in the defeaning quiet of a taxi. There's mold covered rage within you. If to take a heart home with you, you'd bite your way through muscle and ribcage first. Pleasure comes, but there will be no devouring past it. There is fear in settling down and being seen. There is a glass screen between these bodies and you. Relax your tight jaw and feel the real canine fear beneath that scabbed up cavity. The sacrifice of opening up is needed if to be loved as you deeply wish inside. Desire doesn't discriminate between hands or spoken word. Why should you?

[terrorsmade]

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE LOVED BY YOU ?

it feels like an adventure

your laughter is like music, your eyes like city lights. you're so lighthearted and easygoing that you make everyone around you have so much fun, even in the simplest moments. your heart is a place of amusement parks and fireworks and three a.m. giggles. people feel energized every time they see you, but as much as you love people, it can get pretty draining. remember to take breaks when you need them. you're more than just the comic relief, and you deserve to be just as happy as you make everyone else.

it feels like a rom-com

okay, you're pretty cheesy. you love big romantic gestures, and dramatic confessions of love. but you also love the little moments, like going grocery shopping together. to put it simply, you love love. you have such a big heart, and it overflows with affection - not just romance, either. you make everyone you talk to feel loved. you're quite the optimist, and believing in true love and soulmates and forever. you're probably a little insecure, but i promise you are beautiful, inside and out, as cliche as that sounds. i hope you know that.

tagged by : @lycaonthropy (thanks !!!) tagging: @mindsmade (if you want !!) and whoever else wants to !!

[likeswallowstosea]

how does it feel to be loved by you tagged by: @gccdwitch (thank you, ily) tagging: @cardigaen, @peachfvzz, @testdrves (and per usual if anyone on the dash wants to do this, do it and feel free to tag me because I love tag games)

Ches: it feels like home

you're the kind of person that makes people feel safe. you probably couldn't be intimidating if you tried, but that doesn't matter. what matters is your kindness and compassion, your innate way of making people feel happy. you're so good at taking care of everybody else, but don't forget to take care of yourself, too! you deserve the same love you give so freely

Willow: it feels like burning

everything about you is captivating. you're very intense, and passionate, and some people can't handle that. but no one loves as powerfully as you do, and some people will love that about you. you're easily excited, and tend to feel things very deeply. your emotions are unpredictable. but you are so so beautiful. more so than you know

Grace:  it feels like an adventure

your laughter is like music, your eyes like city lights. you're so lighthearted and easygoing that you make everyone around you have so much fun, even in the simplest moments. your heart is a place of amusement parks and fireworks and three a.m. giggles. people feel energized every time they see you, but as much as you love people, it can get pretty draining. remember to take breaks when you need them. you're more than just the comic relief, and you deserve to be just as happy as you make everyone else.

Rhys: it feels like a rom-com

okay, you're pretty cheesy. you love big romantic gestures, and dramatic confessions of love. but you also love the little moments, like going grocery shopping together. to put it simply, you love love. you have such a big heart, and it overflows with affection - not just romance, either. you make everyone you talk to feel loved. you're quite the optimist, and believing in true love and soulmates and forever. you're probably a little insecure, but i promise you are beautiful, inside and out, as cliche as that sounds. i hope you know that.

[nectaric]

how does it feel to be loved by you?

clover: it feels like a rom-com

okay, you're pretty cheesy. you love big romantic gestures, and dramatic confessions of love. but you also love the little moments, like going grocery shopping together. to put it simply, you love love. you have such a big heart, and it overflows with affection - not just romance, either. you make everyone you talk to feel loved. you're quite the optimist, and believing in true love and soulmates and forever. you're probably a little insecure, but i promise you are beautiful, inside and out, as cliche as that sounds. i hope you know that.

momus: it feels like an adventure

your laughter is like music, your eyes like city lights. you're so lighthearted and easygoing that you make everyone around you have so much fun, even in the simplest moments. your heart is a place of amusement parks and fireworks and three a.m. giggles. people feel energized every time they see you, but as much as you love people, it can get pretty draining. remember to take breaks when you need them. you're more than just the comic relief, and you deserve to be just as happy as you make everyone else.

tagged by: @caeloservare tagging: all of you!

[dream2bu]

Sagittarius ♐️ know how to enjoy life and just be in the moment. Nothing else is really as important as the moment they are in. Sagittarians can often be too much for some people (especially when they fall in love), then they will do everything for the person and many times they can feel too much for the people around them.

Sagittarius are self aware and secure in themselves, they don't mind if people are talking about them if they do something wrong. They actually don't like to stick the rules. They like to be free in the things they do and they're pretty much optimistic and careless about things that other people say to them or about them. For example, if you have I don't know your own shop and you have working hours from 9 a.m to 5p.m. But you won't care if you are late 5 minutes or 2 hours.