#i can be like that one relative that everybody says your related to but you have no idea how

[monpalace]

MAJJJJJJJJJJJJJ 😭😭😭😭😭

DONT BE SORRY!!!!! DONT BE SORRY AT ALL! YOU'D NEVER INTERRUPT, CAUSE I CHERISH YOU SO MUCH AND I LOVE TALKING TO YOU! BUT I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND AND i DONT BLAME YOU AT ALL!!

I havent forgotten the stories ive sent you/need to finish! I just thought that you were taking a break from LOZ and didnt wanna force you into a convo where you'd not feel motivated to answer or talk about, ya know? AND WRITING IS NOT MY STRONG SUIT RN DHSJAHFAKHK Hella writers block and no energy to do anything but drawwwww AND OMG? DONT EVER FEEL AWAKWARD ABOUT STORIES LOVE! I MIGHT NOT ALWAYS HAVE THE MOST TO SAY BUT I CHERISH EVERY SINGLE ONE YOU WRITE AND GIVE ME!!! CAUSE YOUR SO COOL AND CREATIVE AND YOU TAKE TIME OUT OF YOUR DAY TO WRITE STUFF AND ITS FOR ME AND ITS SOO COOL!

Also NEVER be sorry for finding a new/old hyperfixation! you are not obligated to like anything for the sake of other!

also *grabby hands* more forehead kisses please, cause i can and will forcibly adopt you in my mind (as aunty or sib >:3)

TRIPPY MY BELOVED FANFIC SYSTEM 🥰🥰🥰

(im the cat)

i moreso took a break from this blog in general because i was seriously lacking motivation and was (and lowk still am) super unhappy with it,, but i could never take a break from loz!! she is my #1 fixation in spirit

YOU COULD NEVER FORCE ME INTO ANYTHING THOUGH‼️‼️ i may not say a lot about some things but im always open to hearing literally anything. i am very intrigued by vv simple things </3

NO BECAUSE I DONT KNOW WHATS WITH SEASONAL WRITERS BLOCK??? i get a good month of writing about my ocs and all of a sudden my writing capabilities just 🧎🏽🏌🏽 i think the last things i wrote for you were about prince, mechanic, and dilf-next-door time so i hope to finish and clean them up before sending them mayhaps 👉🏽👈🏽

WRAHHHH I LITERALLY STILL FEEL LIKE A LOSER WHEN PUT BESIDE YOU SO IM GLAD THE FEELING IS KINDA MUTUAL 😭

[thehollowwriter]

Warnings: Technically none, but I suppose child abuse Word count: 3697

Summary: At six years old, Finn can't look after himself. When an unexpected situation befalls his Papa and his Papa's staff, there is nobody to look after him besides the last resort: his grandmother.

(Pls reblog and leave a comment ♥️)

The Grandmother

Grandparents. Everybody had them. Even if they weren't alive anymore or you didn't know them, there isn't a single person in Twisted Wonderland without them.

The relationships between grandchild and grandparents were different everywhere for every family. Some are close, some are distant, some are complicated, and others never got to know or meet their grandparents at all.

Finn fell into the distant category. Extremely distant. At least for the one living grandparent he did have.

His grandmother, on his dad's side, was somebody he had only met once.

His Papa didn't mention her (or Finn's grandfather, but he died a few years ago) or talk about her at all. In fact, Finn wouldn't have even known she existed if it weren't for his classmates.

"My Grammy makes the best crab rolls. You've got to try them!"

"Oh, my grandpa knows how to wrestle. He was a wrestler when he was young!"

"My grandparents said they had to swim through ice to get to school."

The few kids willing to talk to Finn looked at him.

"And what about you?" One asked. "What are your grandparents like?"

Finn, knowing they were just going to make fun of how he talked if he answered, just shrugged.

However, even as the conversation was dropped, Finn wouldn't stop thinking about it. Grandparents? His Papa's parents were dead, but he didn't know about the other side. Did he have any? What did they look like? Why didn't Papa talk about them?

When Finn got home from school, he swam into the kitchen where his Papa was making lunch and tugged at his arm.

"Papa," He said. "Do I have g-g- gwamparens?"

His Papa paused his actions and took a moment to translate his botched pronunciation.

"Grandparents." He corrected quietly. "Yes, one. Your dad's mother."

He didn't say any more, and Finn knew not to ask anymore. He could hear in his Papa's voice, the way it wavered slightly, that he didn't like this topic.

That was fine. Finn didn't actually care that much. His curiosity was fulfilled, and really, he just wanted to go play in the sand and hunt crabs in the garden.

This topic was only brought up again later, when Finn and his class were given a school assignment relating to their little history lesson about some times of civil unrest in the past.

"Talk to your parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, whoever you can," said Finn's teacher. "It's important to hear from lots of different people."

Finn went home with the paper containing the information about his project clutched in his hand, then held it up for his Papa to see.

"Can I see gwamparens?" He asked. "For questions."

"Grandparents." His Papa patiently corrected. "And no. You can talk to Timo and the others instead."

It was around this time that Finn realised that being no contact with certain relatives was considered abnormal. Wrong. Something to pity.

When Finn relayed what his Papa said to his teacher, and she, after several tries, eventually translated his stilted, slurred speech, her demeanour became awkward.

"Oh." She said. "Are you sure?"

Finn nodded. She looked uncomfortable.

"Ask your Papa again." She said, and when Finn was on his way out the door, she mumbled. "Honestly, parents always let their petty family drama get in the way of their children's schooling."

She said it under breath, thinking Finn wouldn't hear, but he very much did.

Finn came home wondering why his Papa wouldn't let him see his grandmother, and then asked him again to see her.

"No." His Papa repeated. He was annoyed, but not at Finn. Never at Finn. "Tell her not to make you ask me again."

Finn nodded. "K. But Miss Key said fammy dwama gets in the way of... of..." He frowned, annoyed at the words that refused to come out right. "S-sooling."

His Papa squinted at him. "Family drama gets in the way of schooling?"

"Yeah."

His Papa drew in a slow breath but said nothing more on the topic. Instead, he told Finn to take his questions to the staff. They were happy to comply, ruffling Finn's hair and telling him all about their experiences "back in the day."

Finn was given many school projects revolving around talking to or about his family. He would always ask Timo, who was like his big brother, and Gale and the others, who were like his aunts and uncles.

His teachers didn't really like this, insisting he talk to his real family instead.

"Dey are." Finn said, blinking, and his teacher sighed and grinded her jaw.

"They need to be related to you, sweetie." She said.

When Finn repeated what he said to his Papa, the older shark just rolled hus eyes and muttered, "Bullshit." followed by a hurried, "Don't copy that."

From time to time, especially when given these projects, Finn wandered what this grandmother he apparently had was like. However, he would quickly lose interest because if his Papa didn't like her, he probably wouldn't either.

Oh, how he underestimated how true that statement would be.

It started when his Papa got in trouble for something. Finn wasn't sure what it was exactly, but he knew whatever it was, it wasn't true, so he didn't understand why these people wouldn't leave them alone.

Timo was in trouble, too, as well as some of the others. There wasn't anybody to look after him while whatever was going on was being sorted out, and his Papa absolutely refused to leave him home alone, so it was eventually decided he'd stay with his grandmother.

His Papa looked furious about it, finns trembling, hands clenching, eyes dark.

"Papa?" Finn asked, grabbing his hand. He stared at his Papa, wondering why he seemed upset.

His Papa muttered something and looked back at Finn, squeezing his hand.

"You're going to stay with your grandmother for a little bit, okay?" He said, his voice tinged with that same waver from before. "Probably just for a night until I get this sorted out."

Finn was given ten minutes or so to pack a little bag for himself. Toothbrush, toothpaste, his drawing things, and some of his toys were hurriedly shoved into a bag made of kelp, and then he was waiting at the door to go.

They swam for a while, until they reached the main part of the city. The streets were empty due to how late it was, and the sky was dark.

Silas turned Finn around and gently held his face. "Whatever she says to you, just ignore it, do you understand? Think of it as a nonsense rhyme. I promise I'll come fetch you as soon as possible."

Finn nodded, unsure why this was being said at all. He didn't care to listen to anyone besides his Papa most of the time anyway.

Eventually, they both noticed a lone figure drifting down the street towards them.

She was pink and white in hue, and skin sagged in a way that felt sad, somehow. Hair as white as snow flowed past her back, which was straight as an arrow. Her wrists were adorned with golden bangles, and she wore many rings. Two gold necklaces with a diamond on each one hung elegantly around her neck, clinking softly as she swam gracefully toward them.

Her face, now, that was the interesting part, was obscured by a thick white veil with golden patterns woven into it.

She looked like a ghost, and the thought made Finn's heart nearly stop. Next to him, his Papa tensed.

"Ah, Finn, dear, there you are." Said the stranger, who then turned her face towards his Papa."And.. Silas."

It felt wrong, in a way, to hear his Papa's name coming out of her mouth. Especially in a tone filled with such resentment and disgust.

"Cyrus." Said Finn's Papa.

A silence settled over them for a moment. A heavy, pregnant silence.

"Look after him." His Finn's Papa said after a while. He then covered Finn's earfins with his hands and said something Finn couldn't hear. He then lifted his hands just in time for Finn to hear the grandmother call his Papa a brute.

They hugged goodbye, and Silas once again reminded Finn not to listen to her, then parted ways

Finn followed the grandmother down the street, the two of them swimming in silence. He could feel her eyes on him behind that veil, scanning him from head to tailfin.

"How old are you?" The grandmother finally asked as they weaved through silent, unlit houses. "I haven't seen you were just a little baby. You've certainly... grown."

"Six." Finn mumbled, staring at the ground.

"Speak up." Said the the grandmother, her tail flicking in annoyance. "And look at me when I'm talking to you. Your father may not have bothered with teaching you manners, but I certainly will. I'll ask again, how old are you?"

"Six." Finn repeated a little louder, annoyed. He knew manners! He just didn't like people's eyes or looking into them. His Papa said he didn't have to do any of that.

Tye grandmother sighed. "We'll work on it. Six, hmm? My, how time flies. I'm surprised you're still alive."

Finn didn't understand what she meant by that, but he still didn't like it. He decided he didn't like her either.

Eventually, they arrived at a large double story home with a fenced front garden that contained a stone pathway and coral sculptures. The house itself was carved out of limestone, and it was very pretty.

"Woah." said Finn.

"Better than a rock, isn't it?" Said the grandmother, and Finn decided not to answer.

The inside of the house was neat and tidy. It was almost too perfect. More props for a movie set than an actual home.

Furniture, picture frames, and paintings were perfectly placed an angled, looking brand new and untouched by time. The only thing out of place was the dining room table, which had deep clawmarks running through it.

Finn stared at it, wondering what happened, until the grandmother ushered him away.

The house was so big. There was an entrance hall, a lounge, a separate dining room, a large kitchen, a small library, several bedrooms, and two master bedrooms.

"You must feel so cramped in that hunk of rock you live in." Said the grandmother. "This would be a much better place to stay, don't you think?"

Finn shrugged his shoulders, and she sighed but didn't say anything, opting to open up one of the bedroom doors instead.

"You will be staying here." She told him, opening the curtain of seaweed that functioned as a door. "This was Morri- your other father's room when he was younger."

Finn slowly swam inside and looked around. He felt like he'd travelled back in time for a moment, taken to an era from long before he was born.

The room that had apparently belonged to his late dad was just as freakishly perfect as the rest of the house. Not a speck of algae in sight, not a single sign of age or decay. It hadn't been disturbed, seemingly the exact same as it was when it was being used.

Overall, there wasn't actually much to it. The walls were painted teal, and the floor lilac. A box of various musical instruments sat in the corner, probably the most disorganised thing in this house.

In the back corner of the room was a huge trophy cabinet that was fit floor to ceiling. It was filled to the brim with trophies, plaques, scrolls, and certificates. Finn couldn't read yet, so he didn't know what they were for, but it seemed important.

Band and movie posters, a calendar marking an age of almost fifty years ago, and sketches of odd diagrams were hung up on the walls, slightly faded.

The large clamshell bed was littered with clawmarks on the sides, the only odd sight on the perfectly made bed.

On an empty dressing table sat a single framed picture of Finn's dad, surrounded by little glass containers of tiny bioluminiscent creatures.

Unlike all the other pictures Finn had seen of him, he wasn't smiling here. No, his face held a blank, exhausted expression.

"He was such a talented and clever child." The grandmother sighed suddenly. "I hope you are, too, Finn."

Finn's earfins flattened unhappily at the odd, unplaceable tone of her voice.

The grandmother shuffled back down to the ground floor, leaving Finn alone in that eerie room.

Finn didn't know why, but he didn't like it in there. Being there felt wrong. He put his bag down on the bed and swam out of there to instead watch the grandmother make food in the kitchen.

"You're awfully quiet, boy." She said. Finn blinked at her, and she sighed. "I believe you're meant to thank your kind grandmother for looking after you while your crook of a father deals with the police."

"Oh." Finn said, silently wondering if this was something he should ignore. "F... Fank you."

"Oh, don't tell me you can't talk right either." The grandmother groaned and raked her hands through her hair, careful to avoid the veil. "Thank you. It's quite simple, dear."

Finn frowned, his cheeks flushing in mild embarrassment. He'd always been slow in learning to talk. It took him far longer than considered normal to even say his first word, nevernind a sentence.

"Speech delay," it was calmly explained to both himself and his Papa. Quite a frw children experience it. All he needed to do was go to speech therapy for a while until he caught up with his peers.

Finn knew all of this, though in a much more simplified manner. "Talking problems." He would explain to people, but he couldn't muster the words to elaborate.

This stranger, this grandmother, probably wouldn't even bother trying to decipher his botched pronunciation.

Finn bowed his head and muttered a quiet "Sorry."

"You need to speak up." Was the reply. "Does Silas even talk to you?"

His Papa did talk to him, just not a whole lot. At least, compared to other parents. It wasn't because he didn't like talking to Finn or anything, but because he didn't have much he felt he needed to say.

He talked to Finn enough that Finn didn't feel ignored or abandoned and that he could learn how to talk. He just didn't constantly try to fill the air.

Trying to get this across to adults who were convinced his Papa was neglecting and mistreating him was impossible, so Finn just shook his head and said, "Papa talks lots."

The grandmother muttered something disbelief as she cut up kelp with a knife. "Yes, I'm sure two sentences a day is 'lots' for Silas. No wonder you're so behind... oh, I know this would happen without Morrigan there..."

Finn didn't understand what she was talking about, but the vague feeling he did something wrong and his Papa was being blamed for it gnawed at the back of his mind.

"Here, I talk to you like a parent should." Said the grandmother. "Isn't nice, having a conversation with someone who actually talks?"

Finn didn't answer.

Dinner was served at that scratched up table in that perfect dining room in that perfect, empty house.

Finn was tired and hungry, so when a platter of shredded seaweed, shrimp, and crab legs was placed in front of him, he reached out to grab some.

A sudden stinging pain on his knuckles made him yelp and draw his hand back, shaking it as it ached. That hurt, that really hurt, and it made his eyes water.

He looked up to find the grandmother holding a metal salad fork, waving it at him and looking at him like he'd committed a crime.

"Ungrateful." She seethed. "Greedy boy. I was worried Silas wasn't feeding you, but it seems that instead, he raised a little glutton who thinks he can take what he wants. Well, not under my roof. You take what I give you, the amount a child is supposed to eat, nothing more and nothing less."

Finn blinked back the tears and looked at his hand, noticing the bruises already forming on his knuckles. He nodded slowly. "Kay."

He was given a tiny helping and a fork, which was forcefully shoved into his hand until he was holding it "correctly."

"There." Said the grandmother. "Perfect. Civilised. Isn't this better, dear?"

Finn still didn't answer, and she just huffed and dished herself up an obscenely small portion of the dinner.

There was a pause as Finn stared at her veil, and she raised her hands to it.

"Don't say a word." She said and slowly removed it.

Finn blinked, surprised.

Her face was scarred. Very scarred. One could say she was little more damage away from being mangled. The jagged, rough marks on her flesh seemed to indicate she had been slashed in the face in a very violent manner. Attacked by something with claws.

Her lips were scarred, too, almost clefted. Her eyebrows were missing hair in some places. Her eyes, her bright turquoise eyes, were cold as ice.

Finn was no stranger to scars. His Papa had many, and Timo and the others had a few of their own. But even by those standards, this damage was... extreme.

They ate in silence, accompanied by only the ticking of the kitchen clock. The obnoxiously loud "tick tick tick" made Finn flinch and squirm in discomfort.

Even as he ate, he couldn't take his eyes off the grandmother's face. Those scars, they told a story. A very violent, painful one.

The grandmother stopped eating and stared back at Finn with those haunting eyes.

"Your father did this to me, you know." She said. "Ruined me. I can't even show my face in public anymore, not like this."

Finn narrowed his eyes. He didn't believe her. He'd never seen his Papa hurt someone before, only sea creatures.

"Oh, I suppose you think he's just wonderful." The grandmother said with a bitter laugh. "That your 'Papa' is just a stoic man who wouldn't hurt a fly. That's what he convinced your dad, too. Shame my poor Morrigan never saw the truth before it did him in."

Finn shifted uncomfortably, trying to ignore her like his Papa told him to. 'Nonsense rhyme that doesn't rhyme.' He told himself, even as his eyes brimmed with tears again, and he wished he could go home.

The grandmother reached across the table and took Finn's hand in hers. "I see the truth. I know you must be suffering, being raised by him. I can help you."

Finn yanked his hand back, staring at her. She sighed.

"Fine. You'll understand soon. Brush your teeth, now, and off to bed with you."

Finn eventually went back to that awful room and curled up in that awful bed, staring at that awful picture of a sad, dull version of his dad. He thought about what his grandmother had said and, by extension, what the others at school had said about his Papa, and then cried until he fell asleep.

The next day, his breakfast was a single crab with a glass of water. He was still hungry from the night before, and honestly, the crab looked a little... old. But he ate it anyway, scared of being hit again.

When he finished up and went to fetch his bag, a knock at the door and the sound of familiar voice calling made him perk up and come rushing down towards it, only to be grabbed by the grandmother.

Her grip hurt, the golden rings digging painfully into his skin as she stared at him with those cold eyes.

"You're not safe with him." She said. "Stay with me. I can raise you properly, make sure you're cared for. I'll make sure I don't make the same mistakes I did with Morrigan. You'll be happy. Wouldn't you like that, dear?"

Finn yanked himself out of her grip and shook his head wildly. "No!" He shouted. "No!"

The door suddenly burst open, and Finn took the opportunity to rush through it until he crashed into his Papa and buried his face in his chest.

His Papa paused for a moment, then placed a hand on Finn's back and gently patted him.

"Papa," Finn sobbed, his voice wobbly. "Papa, I wanna go home."

His Papa held him close and grabbed his hand. "We're going home, my treasure, I promise."

Finn yelped and pulled his hand away. "Owie..."

"What?" His Papa's brows furrowed. "What is it?"

"Hand." Finn said, holding up his bruised hand for his Papa to see. It was worse than it was the night before.

His Papa's breath hitched. There was a long stretch of silence as he seemed frozen in place. Then he suddenly moved Finn so he was sitting on the sand by the door.

"Wait here." He said to Finn, then swam inside and closed the door behind him.

Finn, happy his Papa was finally here, drew little pictures in the sand and hummed quietly, only vaguely aware of the muffled voices coming from behind the door.

A high-pitched shriek made him look up, but after a moment or two, he simply went back to drawing, unbothered.

A moment or two later, his Papa swam out of the bride and carefully picked him up.

"Let's go home now, Finn." He said quietly.

During their silent swim, Finn's head was buzzing with thoughts. The grandmother was terrible. He didn't like her. She said strange things and hurt him. But the main thing that stuck in his mind was that one sentence.

"Your father did this to me."

Finn gnawed on his hand nervously, his tail flicking back and forth. It couldn't possibly be true, could it? Or maybe it was, and it was a misunderstanding of some kind.

"Gamma says you hurted her." Finn blurted after a while. "Hurted her face. Why?"

His Papa glanced at him but didn't answer for a while. He seemed to be thinking, remembering something Finn wouldn't know about. Then, he spoke.

"She tried to take you from me."

...........................................

A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed this little fic! It was a lot of fun writing it. And if you're wondering what Silas did at the end there, he broke Cyrus' hand. Moral or the story; don't hurt Finn. Fun Fact: my little brother also has speech delay, and the way Finn pronounces things was taken from him.

Tagging: @distant-velleity @br3adtoasty @rainesol @theleechyskrunkly @jovieinramshackle

@galaxies-and-gore @cyanide-latte @cynthinesia @officialdaydreamer00 @krenenbaker

@offorestsongs @kitwasnothere @elenauaurs @boopshoops @inotonline

@1dont-really-know @kazumify @minteasketches @elysia-nsimp @skrimpyskimpy

@casp1an-sea @offorestsongs @tixdixl @poisoned-pearls @the-trinket-witch

@ramshacklerumble @ghostiidasponk @thegoldencontracts @the-banana-0verlord @cloudcountry

@skriblee-ksk @twstinginthewind @lumdays @theolivetree123 @natsukishinomiyaswife

@authoruio @jewelulu @raguiras @honeynclove @moonyasnow

[catindabag]

TBOSAS on Crack short take (57)

Hilarius: Hey, guys, let’s play the “ask me a weird question” game.😀

Juno: Why the heck would we want to play that game with you, Hilari?

Io: No offense, Heavensbee, but your weird questions might just start a different kind of rebellion.

Hilarius: But I’m bored and our new assignment-

Coryo: Punishment.

Hilarius: Our new punishment from Dr. Gaul is making my head hurt!😫

Festus: Same. I don’t even know how to answer half of these questions.

Dennis: That’s so sad. She even gave us a lot of hints.

Pup: Maybe they’re right. Maybe we’re just that stupid.😔

Clemensia: You’re wrong, Pup. Most of you may be a little dumb like Festus, but not “that” dumb.

Festus: Clemmie, I’m doing my best too!😭

Clemensia: Then cry harder, Creed!

Festus: Clemmie, I’m already

crying!😭

Coryo: Festus, don’t be too sad. Besides, Dr. Gaul’s questions are just outright nonsense.

Festus: Thanks for the comfort, Coryo, but could you tell me the answer to question 1?

Coryo: You’re still stuck on question 1?!

Festus: Yeah.😞

Felix: Read question 1 again, Creed.

Festus: Um- What is the full name of Panem’s current President?

Felix: President Ravinstill.

Gaius: Hold up! Wait a minute, Class Pres!

Felix: What?

Gaius: So you’re just telling us now that your granduncle’s full name is actually President Ravinstill?!

Felix: Yup.

Gaius: So that makes him President President Ravinstill?!

Felix: Correct.

Androcles: Yo, who even names their child President?

Felix: Blame my crazy great grandfather. He was a self-proclaimed “flower child” of his time.😔

Clemensia: Does the “crazy” run in your family, Class Pres?

Felix: Yeah. But sometimes it skips a generation or two.

Domitia: But aren’t we all related to one another?

Juno: We’re all Capitol Nobles, Tia. Of course we’re related.

Felix: Well, minus Sejanus Plinth, we are.

Vipsania: By whose bloodline?

Felix: My family’s.😞

Coryo: True. My great great grandfather was a Ravinstill.

Festus: Mine too!

Hilarius: Mine as well.

Palmyra: What a coincidence! We’re all cousins!😀

Clemensia: That’s so weird. Mine was also a Ravinstill.

Lysistrata: Why do I have an inkling feeling that we all have the same great great grandfather?

Coryo: Maybe we do, Lizzie. Maybe we do.

Lysistrata: Guys, just to be sure, we should all just say our great great grandfather’s name at the same time.

Felix: Ok. That’s fine with me.

Lysistrata: On 3. 1, 2, 3!

Everyone: *except for Sejanus* Augustus Tiberius Vipsanius Cornelius Antonius Felix Ravinstill!

Vipsania: Oh, so that’s where my first name came from.

Coryo: Mine too.

Hilarius: We really are related!

Festus: You hear that, Lizzie?! We’re related!🥳

Lysistrata: *sighs* I knew it.

Gaius: Yo, guys, does that mean that we’re all invited to the next ✨Ravinstill Reunion✨?😀

Felix: Minus Sejanus, pretty much.

Gaius: Nice!

Coryo: Class Pres, can I take Sejanus as my plus one to your family’s party? I don’t want to leave him behind. He might cry.

Sejanus: I will cry.

Felix: Well, Coryo, my bro, you are his official fiancé, right?

Coryo: Yeah. Everybody knows that.

Sejanus: I know that.

Felix: And you’ll have lots of gorgeous children with your Seji Pie, right?

Coryo: 24 and more, Class Pres. 24 and more.

Sejanus: Let’s make a hundred, my love!😍

Felix: Then that answers your own question, my dearest Snow bro.

Coryo: Thanks.😑

Felix: But please don’t let Sejanus talk to my crazy relatives. They’re shady and unpredictable. He might even strangle them.😞

Coryo: No promises.

Sejanus: I’ll strangle them for you, my love~.🥰

Coryo: Whatever you say, Babe.

Livia: Well, that explains the “crazy” in all of you-

Juno: Liv, half of your ancestors were also Ravinstill.

Livia: Yours too, Juno~.🙄💅

Apollo: But seriously, does anyone know the answer to question 3?

Diana: Bro, you’re already in question 3?!

Apollo: Yeah. But to be fair, I just skipped questions 1 and 2.

Felix: Read it for us, Ring.

Apollo: Okay! What should you do if you’re stuck in District 4 without any help?

Coryo: Apollo, that’s so easy. You first cry and then swim for your life.

Apollo: But what if I don’t know how to swim?

Livia: Then you cry and die.🙄

Arachne: Lol. She ain’t wrong.

Coryo: Babe, do you know the answer to question 5?

Sejanus: What does it say, my love?

Coryo: What is District 2 known for?

Sejanus: Babe, District 2 is known for its hugs and cuddles.

Coryo: That checks out. Thanks for the answer, Sej.

Sejanus: Anytime, my love!😍

Felix: How about question 7, Plinth?

Sejanus: What does it say, Class Pres?

Felix: Why is it wrong for a lowly District born to befriend a Capitol Noble?

Sejanus: The answer is so obvious, Class Pres. It’s wrong because they first have to feed a Snow, and then court a Snow, and then date a Snow, and then befriend a Snow.

Felix: So you first feed, then court, then date, and then befriend?

Sejanus: Yes! My scheming old man told me that little secret himself!

Felix: And it worked?

Sejanus: Yup! My Snow Bae and I are even getting married after graduation!😍

Iphigenia: Plinth’s not wrong. His scheming father almost captured and married Coryo’s dead dad after all.

Coryo: Almost, Nia. Almost.

Festus: Yo, Coryo.

Coryo: What?

Festus: Does that mean that you and Sejanus could’ve been stepbrothers or even blood brothers in another life if his dad and your dad got married-

Coryo: Festus.

Festus: Yes?😀

Coryo: Shut up.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

after all the noise. You know what BPP? Thank you for having this blog. I swear everybody has gone insane, even some bloggers I thought were eloquent and could sift nonsense from hysteria have gladly carried the Jimin akgae card asserting the company was setting up JK to have a solo career at Jimin’s expense. Saying shit like JK is going to tour and HYBE will send Jimin to military. Only for JK and other guys to announce they’re ALL going. Like they always said they would.

if not for your blog I would get swept up by the narratives, it was just becoming too much BPP, so thank you. I’m sad about the news but also grateful.

***

“Like they always said they would.”

That’s the thing, isn’t it? All that’s happened in Chapter 2 is largely in line with what the members have always said would happen. The only reason - read that again - the only reason there’s been so much hysteria around Jungkook becoming a breakout star and rumours about him not going to the military, is because those are the primary anxieties of akgaes of rival members, PJMs and KTHs more specifically.

Just as with the rumours around contract renewals, around JK working with Scooter, and practically everything else, the majority of those narratives are founded entirely on the anxieties and insecurities of solo stans who worry they won’t have good opportunities to ‘win’ more achievements for Jimin and Taehyung relative to Jungkook.

The narratives around Jungkook that’s taken off lately, people already vilifying him as a horrible person for *not going to the military, were based purely on assumptions that all of the build up for Seven was leading up to him choosing not to go. Even now, already akgaes are saying it’s because he didn’t get a Grammy nomination, but curiously enough this theory doesn’t apply to the other members. I know why but it doesn’t make it any less lame.

Anybody actually paying attention to all of BTS would know every single member has been consistent about saying one thing: they intend to return as a group by 2025.

It’s not something that should be controversial or the source of so many conspiracy theories, and yet, something like 70% of the discourse topics I’ve seen in this space for the last 6 months have been related to questioning everything about that claim - it’s authenticity, it’s practicality, and the motivations behind the members saying it. That’s what you get in a space infested by akgaes prone to ✨discourse✨.

If I was more naive I’d hope this would serve as yet another lesson to remind people the kind of group BTS is, but I’m fairly certain a lot of people here fundamentally lack that capacity. So lol, no. Now I expect to see even more fantastic takes while the guys are in the military.

Good luck to the maknae line: Namjoon, Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook.

We know they’ve all prepared music and variety content to keep the fandom occupied. I hope we can all keep our hair on until they leave, and then comeback.

Like they always said they would.

[heymeowmao]

2024.02.13 - https://weibo.com/l/wblive/p/show/1022:2321325001030558416974

It's the New Year!!!

bgm: 晒Share (live ver.) - Da Zhangwei & Liu Yuning

LYN: Hallo everybody, good evening. I also want to take this time to wish you a Happy New Year. Happy Year of the Dragon~ C: Your hairstyle doesn’t look good. LYN: It’s the new year, do you HAVE to make me sass you? You just HAVE to give me trouble…

LYN: Today I’m a Sunshine, Cheerful, Big Boy. I just wrapped up with work- I was shooting the costume drama earlier in the day, so my hair was flattened under a wig. When I got home I didn’t want to wash my hair and try to style it- it would be troublesome. So I just took the wig I used when acting as Xiao Bei (Cicada Girls). Now I’ve saved two bottles of shampoo. LYN: It’s a wig! LYN: Someone earlier said that this hairstyle doesn’t look good, but I’ve used it to film a whole drama! Are you going to start calling me ugly before it even airs?? C: No, you’re the most handsome. LYN: Thank you, everyone. In any case it’s the New Year and spirits are up, so let’s try not to be too aggressive/angry. See- look at how harmonious I’m being right now. I used to talk back at my fans all the time, but recently I’ve- I’ve gotten better, right? 

LYN: I’m drinking tea. It’s not beer! The color isn’t even similar. Here- I still have the bottle. 

bgm: 热辣滚烫 - Modern Brothers Liu Yuning

C: I went to play mahjong. LYN: Look at you- I’ve started streaming but you’ve gone to play mahjong? I mean, you can play but… you don’t need to tell me about it! Just go play. Why are you telling me?? C: You should still sass us a little. // Your wig’s about to fall off. LYN: It’s okay if it falls off. I’d just be a little bit uglier, is all. Not to say that it falls off and all you see is a bald head underneath- there’s no way that would happen. But.. I’d rather not have it fall off. 

C: We finally meet. LYN: Ah, yes. We have a lot of new fans- and since they've started being my fan they haven’t been able to catch a live stream. Well, that’s why I’m here today, isn’t it? :)

C: The speaking volume is low. LYN: Let me adjust it; I haven’t used this equipment in a long time. LYN: How about now? Is it better? 

C: I’m a 20yuan new fan. LYN: What does that mean? I don’t get it this joke. Does it mean that since you’ve started liking me, I have to give you 20 yuan? In that case… how about we forget it (you can stop being my fan)? Can you earn money by chasing stars? Is it a one-time payment, so you’ll be my fan forever? Or is it a monthly payment? C: Ning-ge, I thought you were up to speed on all the internet memes. LYN: I’m not so much anymore these days… also whenever I do surf the net, nothing I see is related to “Liu Yuning”. So I haven’t been paying much attention, and I don’t know what a “20yuan new fan” is. 

C: How long will you stream for this time? LYN: Don’t ask. That’s a bit of an awkward question. It’s like when you go home for the New Year, and your mom asks you how much you get paid a month. It’s the same as when all your relatives start asking about how much you make. As for how long I’ll stream, it’s not definite. I’ll stream up until the time I leave. “How long will you stream for?” Until I stop streaming.

LYN: The track you’re listening to now is the OST for the movie YOLO (热辣滚烫). I know many of you have gone to watch it, and some of you are fake fans. Because you didn’t even realize by the end that I was the one who sang this song. 

LYN: Of course, I don’t blame you. I did use a different way of expressing myself for this song. From a musical perspective, I used a different method of expression. To be honest, I’m not even used to it myself. C: It’s a totally new style. LYN: Not entirely brand new, but certainly a… unique style. 

LYN: ? Why does this wig make me look really silly? I feel like I look really silly? LYN: I’m wearing a purple sweater and now I have a radish-head (?). I look like a purple radish that’s transformed into a sprite/elf. 

C: Why are you wearing a wig today? LYN: That is… um… what’s it to you? LYN: Nah. X’D I said earlier, that I was shooting the drama during the day and since I have to have te wig on it smashed my hair flat. I figured if I was going to stream I’d have to do my hair so I was thinking about how I should style it. But I didn’t really have the time today- LYN: I also think my speaking voice is a little low. Let me make it louder. LYN: -and then, I didn’t want to waste time. I wanted to stream a little bit longer so if I had tried to make my hair presentable I’d lose a lot of time. Also, I woke up too early today- a little past six. I finished up with work and came straight home to stream. Because it’s really been too long. 

LYN: I was scrolling through weibo and saw people saying that after they’d become my fan they had never once seen me stream. They’d never seen me stream. After I saw those comments I felt a little�� guilty. You’d come to know of me through a drama and wanted to become goods friends with me, but I never streamed. Now I feel like I owe you. Im getting yelled at online everyday, because I haven’t streamed for you. That’s no good. Especially since I haven’t streamed solo for you. So since I wrapped up earlier today I figured I would force a stream out. C: Do you really feel guilty? LYN: Um… of course! Definitely. So guilty that I hide in my blankets and sob. LYN: It’s just that I didn’t dare to stream before the Spring Festival. It just seems like everything I say nowadays… (can easily get blown out of proportion). I was afraid, because just one of my streams is three hours long and I’m pretty much talking nonstop. What if I say something and give them opportunity to find some loophole wherein they can stick a label to me and destroy my market value? Wouldn’t that render me unable to attend Spring Festival anymore? So I was just trying to avoid the storm and make sure that I could successfully pass Spring Festival, after which- here I am. I’m sure all my old fans know why I didn’t stream. Of course, it’s also because I didn’t have the time to. LYN: Why did I dare to stream today? Because I don’t have any dramas that are about to air. If I say something (that’s used against me), I can just bear through it- just like catching a cold. I can lie in bed for 5-6 days and the topic would blow over. Spring Festival is over so I came to chat with you, and even if I don’t exactly watch what I say, everyone should turn out fine. C: How was Spring Festival? LYN: I’ll tell you about it later.

LYN: We were talking about this song, 热辣滚烫. It was a perfect timing- Qian Le-laoshi found me and asked if I wanted to sing a song. I asked him “what song?”, and he replied that it was for a movie. I agreed. But the caveat was that I had to sing it as if I was not a person who knew how to sing. When I first heard that request it seemed like a bit of a challenge, to me. I needed to sing this song as if I were someone who didn’t know how to sing. Why? They wanted a more real feeling. They didn’t want any fancy techniques. If you listen, you’ll discover that this song has no vibrato, no strong/soft execution, or emotional singing. There’s none of that. It’s just… Very basic. Sincere. That was the requirement for this song. LYN: When I was recording the song I ended up with head full of sweat. We were working in the middle of the night- because this was a bit of a rush request. I finished up work around 11p and by the time I reached the recording booth it was already past 12a. We recorded and finished up at around 4a, and I continued on my way to work in the morning. It’s a song I recorded very seriously, and it was a new challenge for me. When it was all finished and I listened to it, I thought, “Hmm… It’s a style I’ve never tried before, indeed.” But it was also quite nice. As a singer or an actor, trying out a lot of different styles and feelings you haven’t before is pretty interesting. It’s a unique song and I hope you like it. 

C: It wasn’t easy waiting for you to stream. LYN: There’s nothing hard about it. All you have to do is subscribe to my weibo and you’ll see my streams. Just keep an eye out. - /comments on how he pronounces it “weiber” bc of the Dongbei accent/ - /uses the announcer voice to announce his “2023 Weibo Livestream King” award/

C: Ning-ge, why does it look like you’re wearing a wig? LYN: Your eyes do not deceive you. You really have an eye for detail. It IS a wig. C: Ning-ge, I dreamt that I was shooting a drama with you. LYN: You want to be a celebrity? You’re a friend- we’re the same type of person because we both have dreams of becoming a celebrity. Keep dreaming. LYN: They dreamt of shooting a drama with me… was it a normal interaction, or something… something that if said aloud, would get cut? I don’t know. But in any case, you just want to be a celebrity, right?

C: Where does the sound of laughter come from? LYN: /presses the laughtrack/ LYN: Weibo has a very impressive function, and can tell when your words are funny. If it’s funny, it will automatically play a special effect. It’s just like when you’re sending messages and if you type in a certain keyword, special effects (emojis, stickers, etc.) will pop up. Weibo is high technology. As long as you say something that’s interesting, it will naturally play the laughter. LYN: “Liu Yuning” /presses the laughtrack/ LYN: Is LYN very laughable?

LYN: How are there some people who are so annoying! I only just started streaming and you’re already asking me where Daimi is!! If you really want to see her, when I stop streaming I won’t just log off. I’ll leave the camera on, strap her to this chair and let you see her. I’ll trap her on this chair and let you watch her for another hour. LYN: I’m here streaming, and you’re asking me where my DOG is??? In that case I’ll just make a post. I’ll post some pics of her. I’ll stop streaming and leave. LYN: ~How annoying!~

C: Consider taking part in a long-term variety show. LYN: I’m considering it. There will be, soon. I think I’ll be shooting for a variety show soon, because it’s part of my yearly business plan. At least one variety show every year. Usually either a music-variety or something in which I think I could relax and have fun in if I went. Last year I didn’t record any, though. LYN: Last year, because of some reasons, I didn’t record any. I received a lot of calls, and even booked one. I arranged for time out of the drama crew and everything- and then it failed before it even started. I had already reserved the time! They said, “Soon, soon.” and then later… “We’re not doing this project anymore.” I said, “Alright, then.” LYN: In that case, I figured I should book a variety show for this year. I booked one and then that other show got back to me. “We’re relaunching the project.” They just don’t want to play with me. It’s not that they couldn’t do it in the first place, they just didn’t want to play with me. Ok, then. 

C: It won’t fail again this year will it? LYN: Probably not? Don’t curse me like that!! I’m pretty happy to be recording for this show, too. In the end I don’t even get to start and it fails again? This, at the New Year??

bgm: Fall in Love - Modern Brothers Liu Yuning - /stream lags/ - 27:06 [bgm: 一念关山 - Richie Ren] LYN: It’s still not fixed yet? (the lag) It should be working now, right? - /mic test/ LYN: It’s fixed, right? If you’re lagging, leave the stream then come back in. -- starts singing 一念关山 w/ a rocky start XD LYN: It just landed on that song and I’ve heard it a lot but never sang it, so I thought I’d give it a try. See how well that turned out. These lyrics are so difficult. I couldn’t keep up. I was looking right at them and reading them, but I still couldn’t do that properly. 

bgm: 晒Share (live ver.) - Da Zhangwei & Liu Yuning LYN: This song, also- overturned everything I once knew about how to sing a song. I’m the type who- I’m better at- no, not “better”- OF THE GENRES I SING, are things more like for costume dramas. Something with a strong jianghu style. Or “emotional boy” type songs- or pretending to be emotional. Either that, or more rock style. But for this type of song- like DZW’s- I need to… pinch the tone a little (make it cutesy). I turn myself into Dongbei pincers/clips. You need to “pinch” a little when you sing. - /sings the example between pinched and not/ C: No wonder your stage teacher was laughing. LYN: I can’t even stand the sound of my own voice like that. I’m just a born and bred Dongbei man. My natural tone isn’t like that at all, so I have to “pinch”. When I hear myself- I already don’t possess a young sounding voice- but I have to pretend that I’m younger. 

C: 窝囊废文学 [t/n: loser/wimp/cowardly literature: pretending to be tough then contrasting it with a weak and spineless statement to create irony and self-deprecating humour] LYN: I know there was an interview and they asked me if I had heard of this, and I said no. But honestly, I have heard of it. At this time I would like to apologize to that interviewer- I lied. I didn’t tell you the truth back then, because I wanted to pretend I was a melancholy boy who did not surf the internet. But on the inside my DNA was awakened. I couldn’t contain myself. I hope that this year on the list of “most insincere artist” my name is not on it. Thank you. I’m sorry. I’d like to apologize. LYN: ~ Making me angry, counts as making cotton wool angry ~ LYN: Anyway- people who say that interview couldn’t help but to yell at me for it. Saying, “LYN, you’re a grown man, how could you sound so sissy? Do you think you’re very cute? At your age?? Why are you acting like my second aunt?” I was just imitating an internet meme, and you still have to yell at me for it?? LYN: ~ Excuse me, you’ve kicked me but I’m cotton wool ~ ~ Sorry but yelling at me online only means you’re yelling at a sea sponge. ~ C: I want to hear more. LYN: LOL. LYN: ~ Liking me means you’ve taken a liking to a soft persimmon. ~ Why? Because anyone can ~pinch me around~.

C: I really want to see your inventory. LYN: ~ Sorry. ~ ~ I lied again. ~ There’s really nothing in my drafts- just one or two pictures that I think about posting but don’t. There’s really not much in it. I don’t have things stored up. Not very many, at least. Just the few pictures.

C: How come the program schedule changed for Spring Festival? LYN: These things, how can I say it…there’s no good way to arrange it. The program is one thing. As for which wether we stick to the program is another thing. Because we’re live streaming, so it’s not as if everything can be controlled. As singers and actors, or even stage actors, we need to adapt to changes. I don’t care where they put me, as long as I am able to sing at all. I don’t want it to be the case where they tell me, “Xiao Ning, we’re unable to fit you into the schedule for Spring Festival. Why don’t we see you at the Lantern Festival instead?” That would be the worst. But as long as my good friend DZW and I are able to give you a bit of happiness, that’s enough. C: I was so anxious and scared I almost cried. LYN: You thought my program would be taken out of the lineup entirely? Because it was mostly dancing, you were afraid they would cut us? I’m sure you were worried about that. It’s normal, and these things do happen. It’s okay, though. It’s a first time experience for all of us. LYN: We just go by how they arrange it. If it really were the case that we were unable to perform. They’d probably let us on the 15th of the lunar new year, at least. As long as we’re in the fifteen days, we’re all still celebrating. If we can give you some happiness within the range of the “New Year” it’s all okay. C: I almost smashed my tv. LYN: It’s not worth it! Oh my goodness. Why are you venting your anger on your own stuff?? 

C: Is this a livestream or recorded? LYN: It’s recorded. This recording is so accurate I’ve already predicted that someone would ask me if this was a livestream or recorded. Truthfully this is recorded, everyone. You think you’re seeing the real me right now, but actually this is a recording. Right now I’m playing a video. I’ve already calculated exactly what time to play it, too. The time now is 7:59p. It will soon be 8p.

C: I was watching you stream and got yelled at by my mom. LYN: Why? D: Why did you get yelled at for watching my stream? Does your mother also have an artist that she likes? Someone who I have some friction with? Is that what it is? You and your mother are from rival camps? It’s not worth it. If that’s the case, then please stop being my fan. Go get along with your mom. Don’t let me get in the way of your relationship with your parents. That’s no good.

C: I’m watching with my mom. LYN: It’s good to have common hobbies. C: I grabbed my mom to watch your stream with me. LYN: A lot of you are watching with your mothers? C: My mom says you look foolish/dumb. LYN: Jie. What are you saying, jie? Jie, I’m not dumb. I’m so smart- like a monkey. LYN: Maybe this hairstyle looks a little dumb, though? You think this hairstyle makes me look a little dim-witted? Its like how I sang this song. /sings a line/ Does it give off that feel? Jie, I’m not dumb. Jie- if you really think that way, why don’t I go change my hairstyle? Into something smarter. Wait for me, five minutes. Let me go change my hairstyle. I’ll see if I can change into something smarter. Let me find a video to play for you. LYN: Oh, great. I don’t have any. That’s okay. I don’t have any saved, so let’s look one up right now. LYN: Seriously, though. I’m going to go change my hair. I can’t stand myself anymore. Looking at myself, even I think that I don’t look very bright. Let me play this video for you. -- break #1 (I guess)

LYN: Jie, I’m back. You haven’t left, have you? The one who said I looked foolish- you haven’t left, right? I’m back now. You said I looked foolish, so I went to change for you. Hold on a sec, let me see how to close this… Eh? Oh? Hold on… /finally got it/

LYN: ~Woman. You’re playing with fire but you’ve successfully gained my attention. I need to know everything about you within 3 minutes.~ LYN: ~What? You want to know what my name is? I am Leng Shao.~ C: Oh, my god! LYN: ~I’m sorry. You’ve been struck by me again.~ C: Where did “Leng Shao” come from? LYN: My streams are like an ongoing drama series. If you miss a few episodes you’ll have no idea what the “Leng Shao” joke is. ~ My cheesiness has caught you again.~ C: This isn’t as good as the previous one. LYN: … Let’s just make do.

C: Put it on properly. LYN: /starts fixing his hair/ Okay, I got it. I was rushed so I didn’t have time to style it any sort of way. Let me fix it a little. C: Can you change it back? LYN: … You think I’m so easy to push around?? I’ll change an outfit just because you say so? - LYN: /sobers/ Is this a little non-mainstream?- C: My mom ran away. LYN: Stop messing around. If she’s old enough to be your mother that means she’s all sorts of things in the world already. I am nothing in comparison to the things she’s seen. Don’t mess around. This is quite fine. C: It’s too late. LYN: She couldn’t take it anymore and left? Okay, then. Let her go. It’s not as if I was planning to go to your house and become her son-in-law, anyway. I was only just trying to respect each and every one of my viewers. You mom deciding not to watch me anymore was her choice. That has nothing to do with me and honestly… I don’t really care. Don’t think you can manipulate me.

LYN: Friends, don’t you think this style is non-mainstream? Now I have to find a non-mainstream song to match. Can you think of one for me? What song is non-mainstream? You can type it into the comments and if I know how to sing it, I’ll see if I can sing a few lines. What song suits this appearance? - I miss you - 我姓石 (My Name is Shi) [ /recites the lyrics/ ] LYN: Is it that one? Oh, I haven’t heard it before. (lies) I don’t really see these things that are trending online, because I am more of a secluded guy. - 玫瑰花的葬礼 (Funeral of Roses) LYN: Are there any others? Let’s sing another one. I’m not really familiar with that last one, so Leng Shao is now a little embarrassed. C: You’re embarrassed? LYN: I can say that I am, but you can’t say that I am. Because I never feel embarrassed. Maybe when doing other things, but I’ve never felt embarrassed when I’m streaming. That word isn’t in my dictionary. Because I can’t afford one. - C: Ning-ge, I’ll exchange ten years of being single for your to look at my comment once. LYN: I saw it. 

- C: 坏女孩 LYN: ? I’ve never heard of that song. C: 不分手的恋爱 LYN: This song’s accompaniment track isn’t available, so please allow me to duet with WSL-laoshi. - 不分手的恋爱 (Never Breaking Up)

LYN: Okay. That’s about enough. C: Suddenly I want to change my QQ ID.

----------

C: Ning-ge, if you can see my comment, then send me a “yeah~” ^^V LYN: There’s no need to send secret signals in my stream. If I see you, send you a “yeah~”? Forget it. - C: Ning-ge, did you wake up naturally today? LYN: In the world of adults, how many can actually sleep until they wake up naturally? You must be going to school, still? That’s the happiest time of life, when you’re going to school. So… enjoy it. But, adults do get vacation around the new year!

LYN: I used to be in the customer service business- everyone knows this. I used to be a waiter in a restaurant- that’s customer service. Then later I became a cook, and truthfully that’s also customer service based. Later still, I was a clerk in a clothing shop. But these types of customer service-based jobs really don’t have such things as “holidays”. Especially now around the New Year. Everyone has time off and it’s actually the busiest time of the year for restaurants. At this time, pretty much everyone in the customer service industry is working. LYN: You’d think that after all my hard work to become a singer and an actor it’d be different, but it’s the same. We’re in the business of customer service. Actors are here to service the viewers. Singers are here to service the listeners. It’s basically customer service. And what’s the golden rule? The customer is king. That’s something that’s been ingrained into me from my time working in previous customer service industries. - LYN: There was that friend earlier, who said, “If you can see my comment, then send me a “yeah~”. Here it is now.

-----

C: Did you work today, Ning-ge? LYN: I did. I started working the day after New Year’s. We can’t really stop work in the drama crew, because each day that passes is money spent. Think about all the staff/crew- one day that we’re not working is still a day we need to pay them their salary. All the cameras used to shoot the drama are rented. The longer we rent them, the more money we need to pay for them. The hotels we’re staying in- another night that passes is another night we need to pay for. So it’s… we need to work. All drama crews are like this. LYN: I told you earlier, I woke up at 6am today. I was shooting a day full of fight scenes. I got back home and honestly I was tired and sleepy. I wondered if I should even stream at all. But I thought about it, and if I didn’t stream today I don’t know when the next chance I’d get would be. Thankfully we wrapped a bit earlier today. You don’t know how rare that is. Usually we wrap at around 7-8p, or 8-9p. By the time I’m done getting everything in order it’s already close to 10p, so I don’t stream. Today we wrapped up early so I thought I’d stream a little for you. LYN: Also, to the friends that are asking if I’ll stream until 12a- It’s not likely to happen. Please spare me.

C: Are there a lot of fight scenes in this drama? LYN: Very few. Not much. Because I don’t have very many scenes to begin with. C: Any horse-riding scenes?  LYN: Only once. There’s not many outdoors shots, in this drama. // I’m talking about for MY role. Not much outdoors shots for my character in this drama. C: Youve finished filming? LYN: Not yet, there’s still about a little more than a month left. C: Ning-ge, have you signed a lease in Zhejiang? (?) LYN: For the past four years I’ve spent the New Year in Hengdian. Yeah, just about four consecutive years.

C: Ning-ge, you probably won’t die this time, will you? LYN: Uh… I don’t know. I can’t give any spoilers. But I just want to say- I don’t know why, but the roles I accept are- /thinks about it/ /gets sad/ Why?? /cries/ LYN: From the moment I debuted until now- the death rate for the roles I’ve accepted is about 70%. I was acting as supporting characters before- third, fourth , or even second male lead. They died. After all this time I’ve finally gotten to play a male lead and in the end I was stabbed to death by spears. LYN: As an actor, Liu Yuning very easily dies. There’s a saying that goes “It’s rare to die for once.” For me it should be “It’s rare to live for once.” In any case, please be mentally prepared when you’re watching my dramas. If you get too into it, I’m sure you’re going to be brokenhearted for me later.

C: Ning-ge, if I watch a 20-second commercial, will you be alive then? LYN: Do you think it’s a mini game? (watch an ad for more hearts/lives)

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C: Ge, do you have any varieties this year? LYN: I do. I said so earlier, so you must have just come in. I’m planning to do a variety show this year. … Do you know what it will be? I don’t know- was that interview released? I had an interview earlier and they asked me the same question and I actually responded. Has that interview been released yet? Has it? I don’t think so. C: I haven’t seen it. LYN: Maybe they cut that part. It doesn’t matter. LYN: Right! It’s not that I can’t tell you about it, just that since I actually haven’t STARTED on it yet, I’m afraid to tell you. Based on my previous experience, my mouth’s gotten me in trouble with things like this. I like to share with you when I’ve accepted jobs, and then after I tell you all about it the project/job folds. Either that or I’m replaced by someone else. It’s always like that. So now I… won’t tell you. C: Give us a hint. LYN: A hint? How about the third word in the name? No- I’ll do this, it’s very simple. /^^V/ That’s very obvious, isn’t it? I even responded to that person who wanted to send secret signals in my stream, again. ^^V. Isn’t this hint very obvious? [t/n: what is that, The Voice??] LYN: That’s right. It’s The Voice of China. Isn’t the logo for that show the peace sign with a microphone? I’m going to The Voice of China to audition.

C: Got it. Second concert tour. LYN: No, honestly- and wait until I’m done speaking. The reason why I don’t want to tell you is because I’m afraid that when I’m done telling you some of you are going to have a mental breakdown. It’s like this- /stalling/ I really do want to hold my concert this year, I do. But right now there are some things… that I’m conflicted on. Don’t worry, it’s an internal conflict. If I hold my concert, then I’ll have to accept one less drama. But the projects that have come to find me look pretty interesting and I kind of do want to accept them. So now I’m trying to figure out if there’s a way for me to accept the drama role but also hold my concert. I’m trying to find a way that will allow for both. C: Alright, then. That’s not going to happen. (since he said it out loud) LYN: /laughs/ OMG, I only just gave you this “two” symbol, and you’re saying “Whelp. That’s the end of that.” 去你的! I already asked for leave from the drama crew! I need to go record for it. It should be soon. LYN: There’s a really good project, though. Originally I was intending to finish up this one, and do the next one and I’d finish up around July/August, at which point I can hold my concert. That was my intention. But later some projects came for me that I quite like. I’m still thinking about it. I need to make a decision. C: You can do either.

-----

LYN: Being a singer, to me- and I said this during that interview, too- it’s something very precious to me. To me, it’s a surprise. Whenever I release a song, or listen to a song, or come across people commenting on my songs- it’s a surprise. But I don’t ever want to lose it. As an actor- really I’ve only just started. My fans all kow that I’ve been shooting dramas for about four years, now. But honestly, I don’t really have anything to show. I’ve really only JUST started being able to accept leading roles. Honestly- let me play some emotional music- LYN: I’ve been in quite a few dramas, and that was because I wanted to learn more and hone my skills more. I wanted to be able to accept all the opportunities that came to me. But now there are some opportunities for leading roles, and some of the projects look really promising and I quite like the roles. I was thinking… I just don’t dare to let myself stop. Those who know me know that I haven’t stopped shooting dramas since I’ve started. Whenever I meet someone and they ask me what I’ve been up to, my answer has always been, “I’m shooting a drama.” You really have to keep it going, because the post-production period is so long. Some dramas are one year, one and a half, or even two years. Something you shoot this year might not be released until at least a year and a half later. If you delay it, then the time when people will see you will also be delayed. I’m afraid to let myself stop shooting dramas. I was shocked, recently by various things. LYN: I feel like I am a little fat, honestly. [t/n: ?!??] Sometimes I’ll take selfies, for fun. But when I look back at the pictures I took I feel like I’ve gotten fatter. I should be more self-aware. As an artist or an actor, I need to be more self-conscious and start losing weight. You all know that I’m down to the thinnest I’ve been in my career. I’m already very thin, though. But your body is bound to be unaccustomed to losing weight out of the blue, so I found that I keep getting sick. I kept getting low fevers that lasted a week. I’d be fine in the morning, but then have a fever at night. I’m not trying to make you pity me; I’m just sharing. I’ve also put in the effort towards being an actor. I’ve also given it my all. Of course, at my age catching a cold is normal- there’s nothing to pity me for. I just want to say that I’ve worked hard, too in order to make myself a little thinner. To not look as swollen-faced on camera.

LYN: I don’t want to let myself stop shooting dramas, but I think it’s also about time that I held my concert. That’s why I’m conflicted. If I hold my concert, the tour would be over in about 2-3 months. 10 stops. At the most 15-20 stops. But I don’t think I would be able to hold that many. I’d be hurting, too. Probably 10-15 stops or so. But if I hold my concert THEN start acting again, the timeline might not be as smooth as I’d like. I don’t know. I haven’t thought it through yet. Let’s put that aside for now. I’ll focus on the drama that’s currently filming first and start thinking about it when I’m in my next crew. There’s no rush on it. There’s just so much I have to think about… Please understand. LYN: I do want to take a break. By that I mean it’s time for me to rest my brain. The past two dramas were too close together. After Cicada Girls it wasn’t a week later that I was in this crew already. 

C: Find some time to have a few kids. LYN: I wish I still was a kid, myself. 

C: It feels like you’re very tired. LYN: I’m okay. It’s not that bad. When I was walking around with FYL, I even said then that I wanted to take a rest, because I haven’t stopped since I started. What I mean by that is not that I haven’t stopped working since, but that mentally, I haven’t let myself stop. I’ve never told myself, “You need to take a break now.” or “It’s time to rest.” I don’t want to let myself take a few days. This isn’t about professionalism. It has nothing to do with that. I just… want to succeed. So I’ve packed my schedule and have tried not to let myself lose that momentum. It’s been more than five- almost six years now. But there are times that I realize that it’s too much and that I really do need to take a break. 

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C: I want to timidly ask: Lao-da, will you release your album this year? LYN: Of course. These days, my album- Really- /cries/. It’s because I sing too many OSTs. You’ve seen/heard a lot of them already but actually there are a lot of songs that I receive but don’t like, so I don’t sing. If I didn’t care about whether I liked them or not, if I just accepted every job that came to me, you’d hear a lot more. But I can’t do that. Most of the OSTs I accept are songs that I like or think are unique. But during this whole process, I am constantly receiving songs and listening to them all has made my brain weary. I just don’t want the songs on my album to sound too much like OSTs. Otherwise they wouldn’t have any meaning. That’s the requirement I set for myself. But I realized that it’s difficult. It is. LYN: At first I started picking some dance songs. Like this- /Fall in Love/. You can tell at first listen it’s nothing like my OSTs. That’s why I chose this one to start, and that’s the direction I started going in. The songs I’ve recently acquired and the ones I’ve already finished recording are all okay. But I’m just missing two more. I need two more before I can release my album. I recently acquired one from a singer- it’s quite nice and I like it, but haven’t recorded it yet. When I finish up this drama I’ll go back to Beijing and record that one first. After I finish that one, I need to find two more and the album will be complete and can be released. I was thinking- if I don’t release them now, they’ll expire. LYN: I mean- the musicality is still there. They’re not what’s trending now, in any case, so I don’t have to worry about that. But think about it- some of these songs I recorded the year before last. For those of us who aren’t singer-songwriters, why do we rarely release music? It’s nothing to be ashamed about, because many singers don’t write their own songs, but it’s because we don’t have the creative ability. It’s not something we can just DO. You know? LYN: It’s like- some people are good at running, and others run for two seconds and their legs are cramping. Everyone has their own thing. So… sometimes when I receive demos I’m not very satisfied with them, and I turn them down. But no matter what, I need to release my album in 2024. By all means necessary. If I don’t release this album then the concert is totally off the table. I need to release this album first, before I can consider holding a concert. 

C: Ning-ge, are your concert tickets free? LYN: Someone come here and kick them out. They came here to mess around. They’re here to purposely start trouble. Moderator- please find that person who asked if my concert tickets are free and kick them out. LYN: My albums are already free. My streams are free and I stream all the time. I don’t even think to ask you to pay to see them. As a singer holding a concert, you want the tickets to be free?? Why don’t I just GIVE you 500RMB and invite you to come watch? Okay? I’ll give you 500, so you can come watch my concert. I’m begging you to come see it. I’ll arrange a spot for you in the front row. I’ll let you sit on stage to watch me sing. How does that sound? Come. I’ll move a chair- move a sofa up on stage for you. I’ll sing right in front of your face. When I’m tired I’ll sit in your lap. I’ll offer that type of service, how does that sound? That customer service attitude. C: Ok. LYN: Kick everyone who says “ok” out of the stream. LYN: /laughs/ Let me tell you, friends. There’s no such thing in this world as a free OST, just like there is no such thing as a free LYN concert.

C: If I bring my kid, can they get in for free? LYN: Um. Here’s the thing. We sell by seat. In this respect, buying a concert ticket is just like buying a plane ticket. Do you need to buy a ticket for your child when you ride a plane? If you do, then you should buy them a concert ticket. 

C: Are there different prices for children? LYN: I don’t know. I know that in my previous concert, there were some friends who brought their kids. I don’t know what type of tickets you bought, then? Honestly the ticketing is not under my purview. For that question, go to the ticketing site and ask them. I can’t answer this question. The tickets and prices are not something I can set. I’m only the singer. If you want to ask me if the venue seats are comfortable or not, I can’t answer that either. I’d like to make it as comfortable for you as possible, though.

C: There’s a baby in my belly, can I go to the concert for free? LYN: Is it free for pregnant women…? It’s like this- it’s free for the baby inside a pregnant woman, but the pregnant woman herself cannot go for free. That’s the only thing I can guarantee. You’re pregnant and you want to watch my stream- I mean, my concert- it’s complicated for the baby inside you, so we won’t ask for any fees for them. But as the pregnant woman herself, as a viewer and listener, you should still pay. I don’t care what you are, you still have to pay.

C: Can people 1.5m and under get in for free? LYN: It’s not free.

LYN: Concerts are like this- every person needs a seat. There are no standing tickets. This isn’t a music festival. It’s in a venue, that doesn’t let you stand. It goes seat by seat. If you don’t buy a seat, you don’t have a place to sit around. There won’t be any situation where you can get in for free. 

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C: Ning-ge, I’m a new fan. I want to meekly ask- if I check in on the Super Topic, can I really claim a bottle of soybean oil? LYN: … Yes. I said before- if you check in 300 consecutive days you can claim a jug of soybean oil. 600 days and you get a 10kg bag of rice. For real.

C: I don’t have anymore soybean oil in my house. LYN: Then start checking in. LYN: If you haven’t subscribed to my weibo yet, please subscribe. From today on, you can start checking in on my Super Topic and when you hit 300 consecutive days you can take home your very own jug of soybean oil. I know that many parents may not understand why their kids would chase stars, and they tell you, “What good is it to chase stars everyday? What good does it do you? What can you get out of it??” Once you start liking me, now you can tell your mom, “I can get a jug of soybean oil out of it. If I surpass 600 days I can even get a 10kg bag of rice home.” It gives you an excuse to do what you want to do. /laughs/

C: But where do you claim it from? LYN: For specifically where you can claim it… I’ll tell you later. I’ll give you an address later, and you can go there. But I’m kind of busy,I don’t have any more time. I’ll tell you later. No rush. You check-in first. I’ll let you know when the time comes. 

C: Ning-ge, you’re trending. LYN: Are you serious? No way~ How can that be?? How can I be qualified to be trending? LYN: What’s the topic, though? Is it “LYN_Livestream” or??? C: The same old. LYN: Then it must be “LYN_Livestream.” Okay. Thank you to everyone in the stream. Thank you to my good friends who are watching. It’s quite nice to be trending- it’s just letting more and more people know that I am streaming. If they have some free time they can click in to watch. LYN: But now that I’m trending, do I have to start speaking Standard Mandarin? ~So that I seem more “proper”?~ // Let me adjust. 

bgm: Ice Paper - 夜泊秦淮 (Ye Po Qin Huai)

C: Stop pretending. You were fine earlier. LYN: ~Who are you saying was “pretending”? /transitions into drama voice/ Let me tell you- there’s no one in this world more sincere than I am. I just suddenly wanted to speak Standard Mandarin- what about it??~ C: I love hearing the Dandong dialect.  LYN: ~If you love hearing it, then go to Dandong to play. What are you telling me for??~ C: You’re a pu-xin-nan. LYN: /laughs/ ~What did you say?? Who are you calling a pu-xin-nan?~ LYN: It needs that extra kick from reciting lines.

C: Why is your face so pale? LYN: I’ve put some powder on. I admit it. Because today- LYN: You don’t need to keep spamming! There’s someone in here who is constantly spamming. “Why is your face so pale? (x3)” As if you think I don’t know what you’re trying to do here?? You don’t know why I’m so pale? Huh? There are a couple reasons: 1. I’ve put powder on. Or 2. The beauty filter’s on. Right? What else could it be? LYN: I know you just want to annoy me.

C: Ning-ge, are you wearing pants? LYN: ??? What do you mean? I look like I’m wearing a normal outfit up top, but I’m actually wearing swim shorts on the bottom? I’m wearing normal pants. Sweatpants.

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C: Ning-ge, do you have an award for this year’s Livestream King? LYN: :) Who is this? Remember this person. You’re a great friend. Remember this person’s name. I’ve been waiting all night for someone to ask me this question and up until now, no one has. It’s an hour and a half later and finally someone asks, “Do you have an award for Livestream King?” - /grabs his award/ LYN: There’s a complicated process for these things. To think, if no one had asked me, what would I do? I’d say, “Friends, did you know? I’m the Livestream King. I even have an award~” ?? That would make me seem super shameless. But since someone asked me, I have to pretend to be humble. I need to make it seem as if it’s not very important to me, but Weibo did acknowledge me, so I have to show my thanks. In that case, I’ll take it out to show you. LYN: Friends. I’ll take away the lyrics to let you screenshot. We need to commemorate this brilliant moment. - /poses for the camera/

LYN: Okay, that’s enough. You got the screenshots, right?

LYN: I suddenly found a problem. I came to Weibo in ‘21- because that’s when my contract with my previous platform ended and I needed to choose a new one, so I chose Weibo. I streamed for the year of 2021, and they awarded me with the title of Weibo Livestream King. Some encouragement. But they didn’t give this award to me in 2022. At the time I hadn’t realized yet. It wasn’t until 2023- the later half of 2023- that I thought, “Eh? I was King in 2021, but not 2022? Who can beat me on stream time on Weibo?” I looked it up everywhere and couldn’t find anything. Then you told me that there was no award in 2022. The category was eliminated, because I was the only contender. I said, “Ohh, there was no King in 2022. Okay, I’m fine with that.” It can only be that no one gets it, but it can’t be that you got it but I didn’t. I won’t fight for anything else, but for Livestream King I want to make an effort for it. That’s the first thing. LYN: The second thing is that the staff at Weibo are all really great. They must have heard me complaining about it. They’re such a big platform that a single award won’t put them out. I’m guessing that while they were making all the other awards, they decided to toss this one in as well. While they were at it. “Why don’t we just make LYN another one? He’s over there complaining about us in his stream, as if he can’t live without it. Let’s just make one for him. We’ll make it and just send it to him. Whatever.” And then- they made me a “2022-2023” award. I mean- if you’re going to make it, can’t you just make TWO?? I can put all three up at home: [2021]-[2022]-[2023]! But now you’ve made it: [2021] - [2022-2023]. Wow, just two. You’re already making them, you couldn’t just make one extra?? LYN: Also friends, you might not know, but these awards are all made with a mold. When you go to the clothing warehouse and buy a single item of clothing it might cost you 100rmb, but it you buy 100 articles, it will only cost you 60rmb per article. By that I mean the more awards you make, the cheaper they are in the long-run. The more stock you buy the cheaper you can get them for. You know- Now it’s just awkward. There’s 2021 over there, but now I have “2022-2023” here to put with it. If they’re going to do that I’m guessing next it’ll be like this: no award in 2024, no award in 2025, then they’ll give me one in 2026 that reads, “2024-2026”. Based on logic, I’m guessing it will go like that. I hope not, though. 

C: Have one custom-made for you. LYN: /laughs/ I- I don’t think there’s a need to. These types of things, there’s no good reason to make one for yourself. That’s not worth it. First of all, I’d feel sad for my money. Secondly, who makes an award FOR THEMSELVES?? There’s no need to do that. 

C: Ning-ge, is it made of gold? LYN: /laughs/ You’re asking if this Weibo award is made of gold? Do you think we’re at the Olympics?? You expect them to make an award/trophy out of real gold? They don’t even want to make me two of them. XD I don’t believe there’s any gold (jin) in it. There’s no way. I’m guessing it’s probably- /stares at it/- alloy (hejin). It’s also a type of “jin”.

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C: Why are there so few strawberries in a box? LYN: I’m not a strawberry businessman, why are you asking me??? I’m only here to suggest that you try Dandong strawberries. Now you want to ask me, “Why are there so few strawberries in a box?”? Go ask an expert. I know that I always tell you that you should try Dandong strawberries, but I am not the customer service agent for the whole of the strawberry industry. Maybe if I were an ambassador and received a commission from it, then it would be my job to ask the experts for the answer. I’d ask for you. But it has nothing to do with me… It’s like I suggest you go to Dandong to try the crab, and you go but it upsets your stomach. Then you tell me, “You made me go to Dandong to eat seafood and now I have the runs. Compensate me.” LYN: “Why are there so few strawberries in a box”? There’s one thing you can do. Buy multiple boxes and consolidate them into one. Let’s say one box has 20. Buy ten boxes. 200 strawberries. Tell them to put those 200 into just one box. Then you’ll feel like the box is full and satisfying. These strawberries aren’t sold by the box, usually it’s by the weight. Fruits, you know, they’re all priced by weight. 

C: Trending in the Entertainment tab at #12. LYN: Really? No way. ~ How can that be? I don’t believe I have that ability. Friends, how does my voice sound? ~ A lot of people say that I have an accent and it’s too strongly Northeastern. ~ Do I? ~ LYN: ~ Id like to welcome everyone to my livestream. My name is Liu Yuning. Currently, I am a singer and actor by profession. Next, I’d like to sing a nice song for you. I hope you like it. If you want to hear something, please let me know. ~ C: I have goosebumps. LYN: Are they the good kind or the bad kind? Because goosebumps can be categorized into good and bad ones. Sometimes you’ll see something really disgusting and get goosebumps. The other kind is if you’re watching a movie and it comes to a really thrilling part, with the music to accompany, you get the goosebumps like, “WOW!” Which kind are you? C: You’re at #10 now. LYN: Alright. Let me play you a video while I use the restroom, and I’ll come back to stream properly for you. I’ll grab a water, too. I was drinking this milk tea but now my throat feels sticky. I’ll play a video and please wait for me. 

-- break #2

LYN: I’m back. I know it’s been a long time since I streamed last, solo at least. The last time I was with Da Fei and Ah-Zhuo and we did the Carnation Music Festival. I think the last solo stream was a little more than two months ago. It’s inexcusable, so I figured I should come stream today. There’s nothing going on- I just want to chat. If there’s anything you want to chat with me about, you can type it into the comments. Of course, try not to mention other artists and cause me trouble. I just want to safely and peacefully stream for once. I don’t want any trouble. 

C: Why do you need to wipe your face? LYN: It’s oily. If you sit in front of the computer for hours, you’re going to get oily too. Or maybe it’s just because I’m rather greasy.  - C: Ning-ge, if you livestream there’s a danger to your life. LYN: What are you talking about? Don’t try to scare me. At most the computer explodes. XD No. I’m only just turning on the stream, not handling a grenade. Why would it?? - C: You’re just a greasy man. LYN: Ok. If you’re going to put it that way, I’m going to start “pinch”ing. I’ll make my voice more “pinched”! LYN: ~ Ahaha~ Sorry- Seems like you were "greased out” by me again. ~ 

C: Ning-ge, can we get the trending topic to #1? LYN: There’s no need and I don’t think it would get that far. My trending topics can’t really make it to #1, because it’s a normal occurrence. At the very beginning, maybe it was something new. But now I stream too much and the “LYN_Livestream” topic is a staple. It’s not fresh anymore. No one is very interested in it anymore. C: You’re at #8 now. LYN: Friends, when I’m trending now I have this senses of terror. Before, I would be trending sometimes too. But as soon as I clicked in to the topic it would be to find a bunch of people cursing me out. I don’t want to really look at the trending topic now. I fear it’s going to mess with my good mood. 

LYN: How about… I take a look? - /browsing/ C: Ning-ge don’t be afraid. LYN: A bunch of you are in here saying, “Don’t get flustered.” C: LYN is the coolest! LYN: Let me tell you- if you say that you’re going to get yelled at. There are going to be people on you, telling you to “eat better.” They’re going to DM you immediately, telling you that you can do better. For example I like eating Lanzhou noodles. I just like noodles, so I say, “Noodles are the best.” Then someone comes up to your door and says, “Hey. Eat better.” Don’t post things like “LYN is the coolest”, because you’re likely to get reported. 

C: Ning-ge, it’s okay. You can look this time. LYN: What they mean by that is it’s okay for me to look in the topic, because everything in there is positive? Another thing is that I’m streaming right now and maybe those of you who are watching have created a blank slate for me. You’ve made it so that I can’t see all the bad comments. This friend is telling me it’s okay to look. But the problem here is that their “it’s fine” is typed as ’没失‘ and not as ‘没事’ as it should be. LYN: … LYN: As in the “失” that means “to die”. As in “to lose”. I guess they mean to say “It’s okay. You won’t die.” LYN: Amazing. /sarcastic/ You sure are talented!

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C: How much are the concert tickets? LYN: The sales haven’t even started yet!! Stop asking, please. The tickets are how normal concert tickets are priced. There are all sorts of ranges. If you want to sit closer to the front it’ll be more expensive. If your luck is bad, just get a cheaper ticket in the back and be done with it. It all depends on your own ability. This is normal. I am unable to tell you how much they will cost at this time. Because I don’t even know if I’ll be able to hold it in the first place or not. How can you be negotiating prices with me already?

C: Ning-ge, did you use double eyelid tape for Spring Festival? LYN: /laughs/ /sobers/ What are you talking about?! It’s like this friends- my friends on the small side, but actually I do have inner double eyelids. I you look at me from this angle- I have double eyelids. But once I open my eyes they turn into monolids. The problem is… maybe I’m getting older? You know how when you age, your eyelids start to… sag? It’s a clear and obvious sign of aging- either they’re swollen or sagging. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning and head straight to makeup- there’s four layers.

LYN: In the leaked shots from set, some people comment, “Why do Ning-ge’s eyes look different? Has he used double-eyelid tape?” No. It’s not a double-eyelid It’s a triple eyelid. And then, sometimes as I shoot throughout the day, there will be a close-up shot. I turn my head- this eye is triple-lidded and this eye is single. I look like this:

LYN: One big, one small. The director will see that and say, “Um… Let’s not shoot this scene right now. We’ll wait until nighttime, when your eyes are less swollen. It’s just a simple turn of the head (it can wait).” Yeah. I’m getting older.

C: Ning-ge, you should instantly do some Thermage treatment. LYN: Is that something you can do in an instant? I mean- I know I’ve mentioned Thermage before, but it’s not something that can be- it’s not something that I’m constantly doing. I’m not doing it anymore. The past year- the last time I did it was a year ago. I don’t do it anymore. I don’t need it. Now I do “cao sheng pao”. [t/n: idk what that is.] Now that really hurts.

C: Lao-da, why do you keep squeezing your eyes? LYN: They’re kind of uncomfortable. I have a bit of a bad habit, which is I like to do this: /scrunch his nose, then blink his eyes hard/ Sometimes it itches. I don’t know why but lately the inside of my nose has been really itchy. That’s why I keep needing to twitch my nose a little.

C: Ning-ge, are you flirting with me? LYN: /laughs/ You shouldn’t have such delusions. 

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C: /comment about his red socks on Spring Festival/ LYN: It wasn’t that purposeful, but you have to wear red on New Years, right? But who knew that those pants were- It was kind of cold that day, so- even if I were on stage I’d still wear my thermals. I wanted to wear my thermals on stage, but figured I should also put on some socks. But because of the thermals the pants turned little shorter, so you could see my red socks. I was thinking about changing into black socsks, but we had already reached the stage and it would be troublesome to change, so I just wore the red socks. I figured you wouldn’t be abe to see it so clearly, anyway. Doesn’t matter.

C: What should I do if I can’t finish my homework? LYN: If you can’t finish it, then go do it. Why are you telling me? Do you want me to do your homework for you? There are such things as designated drivers, do you want a designated writer now? You want me to do your homework for you? Why don’t you learn well and do your own homework.

C: What should I do if I’m tired of/at work? LYN: I already said, didn’t I? There’s no such thing as “easy” in the world of adults. We’re all tired. You can… not work. But if you don’t then you’ll go hungry. What else can you do? You can only be tired. I’m not trying to discourage you, but I do think that’s it’s okay for young people to work harder and be a little more tired. If you can work hard while you’re young, you should. Don’t be like me, who’s just started trying at my age- we don’t have hope. Well, I can’t say “at my age”- just, when you’re a little older. I still have a little hope. C: I have to work hard so that I can buy tickets to your concert. LYN: Right! It’s a sort of motivation. Even if you don’t go, you should do well at work so that you can earn more money. Right? I know it’s not easy. When I was working- I was working in a clothing shop during the day and when I got off work there I went to the bar to sing. I had two jobs in a day. For what? To earn more money so that I could live a better life. These two jobs added together earned me a little less than 4,000rmb. Singing at the bar, I only made 800 in a month. 

C: Ning-ge, are there souvenirs from Spring Festival? LYN: You go to Spring Festival and even come back with souvenirs? Actually, there were. Those dragon hats you saw on tv- there were those. Let me see if I can find it, and if I can I’ll wear it for you. If I wear it, it will prove that I was actually there.

LYN: There it is. They gave us this hat and a bunch of other things, like a Lego set. It was of the tv station’s advertising car. All nice. - /starts shaking his head do the puff balls hit him in the face./ LYN: Smacking myself.

C: Raffle it. LYN: Why should I? It took great effort to be on Spring Festival at all and they gave me stuff to commemorate the evening with, and you want me to raffle it off?? One day when I’m old I won’t have any thing to prove that I’d been there! Why should I raffle it? If you want it, buy it yourself.

C: Ning-ge, your dancing has improved. LYN: Save it. The Spring Festival stage was different than stages that I’m usually performing on. How? For example the Weibo World Festival, or Weibo Night- for events like that if I have a performance I will usually spend the day before in rehearsal. During rehearsal, one of my staff will record it so that I can see the overall effect of the stage. If the camera angles change, they might record the monitors so that I’m more aware during my performance where I should stand or when to maintain my expression, or where I should pay attention in singing. Based on what I see while monitoring the rehearsal, I can adjust for my performance the next day. But Spring Festival is different. They do not allow staff to record, so you have no idea how you’re doing on stage. That’s number one. Number two, Spring Festival will not send the video of your performance to you. So that means that even if I went to rehearse four times, I have no idea what I looked like each time.

LYN: I want to say- I thought I was dancing pretty well! I thought, “Wow, I’m so lively!” Because the thing about Spring Festival is that everyone on stage is happy- to bring all the viewers in front of their tvs happiness and harmony. It’s the New Year! People should be having fun! You need that feel, so I was super excited while dancing. Also, there was part of the song- (the shiny, shiny part)- the dance move for this was supposed to be, and you’ll know if you watched the backup dancers- /dances/. Normally it’d be like this- the two legs together. Maybe you can’t see because this camera is too close. Let me adjust. Normally, it’s supposed to be like this- I’ll move farther back (so you can see). - /demonstrates/ LYN: It was supposed to be like that. You’ll know if you saw the backup dancers. But! After DZS and I learned the dance we had to take a moment to self-reflect. Because we thought this move was a little… improper. It just felt like… because the backup dancers had other moves interspersed, it didn’t look as out of place. But DZW and I had to hold a mic and sing too, so twisting like that felt a little… inelegant. Two grown men squirming about like that was kind of girly, kind of- C: Brushing the edge. [擦边 (cā biān)] [t/n: says Baidu: “vulgar behavior that relies on revealing clothing and provocative behavior to attract attention”] LYN: Not that! It didn’t warrant the use of that vocabulary. What the heck are you talking about??! Are you trying to end me? Are you really my fan?? LYN: In any case- it wasn’t brushing the edge. It just felt too inelegant. We didn’t think that would fly. So we communicated with the choreographer, and asked if we could raise the difficulty level up a bit. What does that mean? It means we arranged side steps. Left, right. Left, right. - /demonstrates/ LYN: And we would wave at everyone with this hand. /waves/ Like that. LYN: Isn’t that better? In the end we discussed it and the choreographer agreed to let us change the move. So that’s how we changed it.

LYN: And then- I was telling you earlier- at Spring Festival, there’s no way to watch the playback. I thought it was a super happy performance. I thought I danced so well, and I was ecstatic. I even made the movements bigger. But I never saw the playback. Later- that is, after Spring Festival- I got off work and returned home to watch the performance. Oh my god. Standing at 1.9m tall with legs like chopsticks, and my movements were so big! Among everyone else it felt like two forks dancing across the stage. Like a huge, happy spider. /sigh/ If I had known I would have restrained myself a little. I would have made the movements just a little smaller. You know what it was? Let me imitate it for you. You might not know just from how I’m describing it. It was like this: - /normal ver: small side-step movements/ LYN: But I was like: /starts the music/ Okay. Here it comes. - /lyn ver: huge, happy spider/ - /runs into his chair/

LYN: In order to make it more cheerful I almost flew off the stage. C: Your movements weren’t that large. LYN: Close enough.

LYN: /in pain/ I overdid it and stepped on the chair. I heard my bone crack. LYN: I’m not kidding. Ouch. Hold on, let me play you a song. LYN: Let’s leave it along to let it recover. When I was bouncing around earlier I stepped on one of the wheels. It just happens to also be the foot I broke last year. I think it’s okay- it just hurts. Let me leave it alone for now. - /long pause/ LYN: I’m okay! Let’s leave it. /breathes heavily/ Wait for me a sec. I’ll use the restroom. Let me walk it off. Hold on- I’ll play a video for you. 

-- break #3

LYN: /self-berating/ You’ve done it now. Hm? You’ve done it now, haven’t you? What are you doing all the time, and so improper? I can’t wait to see how you embarrass yourself to death on livestream. Embarrass yourself because you’re trending. LYN: I just checked- it’s not where I broke it before. I’ve just sprained my ankle a little. It’s okay. We’ll leave it alone for now and see how it feels. Later I’ll have a staff bring me some yunnan baiyao to spray on it. LYN: I’m fine. Just sprained my ankle, so let me rest for a bit. /sigh/ Too embarrassing! // It’s not where I broke it- that’s on the foot. I just checked and it’s my ankle. I was bouncing around earlier, and you know how the chairs have four legs? I stepped on one of the legs and the chair rolled away from me. After that it made a cracking sound. My staff has gone to get me medicine. It’s all good. 

C: It’s better to elevate the foot. LYN: ? Really? Does that work? /props his foot on the other chair/ Then, how about this? I’ll stream while laying back. C: You need more calcium. LYN: Yes, I do. I bought supplements but haven’t taken them. I’m afraid to grow taller. That would be bad. I’m already 1.9+m, if I few another 1-2cm I’d be done for. C: Mainly, you need more sun. LYN: I can’t do that because If I do then... I’ll get too tan. I need to be in front of the camera everyday, so If I get tan that wouldn’t look nice. Forget it.

C: Would you still grow taller? LYN: … I don’t know. I’m just afraid to. C: You’re already so old, why would you? LYN: I really can grow taller! Humans are always growing. It wouldn’t be much, but even 0.5mm is still growth isn’t it? Even sometimes when you break a bone and the space between the two pieces heals wider that it used to be, you’d grow a little as a result/ C: Ning-ge, you’re almost 40. Can you still grow taller?

LYN: … /looks into the camera and huffs/ /sighs/ /cries/ If you didn’t tell me, I would have forgtten that I’m almost 40.C C: Ning-ge, you’re 18. Forever 18. LYN: I don’t need that. There’s really no need. You don’t have to use these types of methods to comfort me. “You’re 18. Forever young. You’re a flower.” If I were really to be comforted by such outrageous comments then I would find myself to be outrageous. C: Lao-da just turned 18 this year~ LYN: It’s whatever. Doesn’t matter.

- /puts his foot down/ LYN: I think it’s okay. It doesn’t hurt as much anymore. Don’t worry, friends. It doesn’t hurt. LYN: How embarrassing is this, though? It’d be fine if I were to sprain my ankle while filming- that’d be a work-injury. But to sprain my ankle in my own house, my own room, while jumping around for my livestream- that’s plenty shameful. 

C: Lao-da, you’re trending at #2 now. LYN: Really? I don’t believe you. - /checks it out/ LYN: You must have meant to say #12. I was wondering how I would rise to such a high level. It’s 12, not 2. You missed a “1” in there. C: #9 in My Orbit.// #2 in My Orbit. LYN: Don’t look at “My Orbit”- its because you’re following me, that you see me so high up.

C: You got happy for nothing. LYN: No. I’d feel guilty for having such a high trending topic when I don’t have any songs or dramas to promote anyway. It’s only because I’m streaming and weibo is nice to me, so they recommend my stream to everyone to let them now that I’m live. Weibo is promoting me, so it’s giving me a push. After they recommend it, maybe people who had never seen my stream before just so happen to have opened their apps and can click in to sit for a while. If they’ve got nothing else going on, it’s nice to just sit here for a while. It’s fun, here. I want to thank everyone who came to watch me today, as well. Even if you aren’t my fan, I hope you can subscribe. I am Modern Brothers Liu Yuning.

C: Were you nervous for Spring Festival? LYN: Was I nervous? I was. Because with Spring Festival it’s… how should I put this… it doesn’t let you feel secure. The rehearsals are in rounds. For example I went to rehearsal the first and second times, but not the third. It felt like our stage was taken out of the lineup and it felt embarrassing. I feel like it’s embarrassing, because you go so many times. People were looking forward to it- friends and family alike- and if in the end the program doesn’t make it in the lineup I would feel like it’s disgraceful. I was nervous up until the moment we performed. But as soon as you’re on stage and performing, it’s not as bad. Once your ON the stage, it’s okay. You just have to have fun. I mean, look how much fun I was having just now. C: I was worried to death when you didn’t go to the third rehearsal. LYN: The third time I really couldn’t get away from the drama crew and the Festival coordinators were really understanding so they just told me to go the next time. They told me it would be okay to rest and I was grateful for it. That time, I couldn’t request any more time away. Of course, my family was also monitoring my appearance, and they were sending me messages to comfort me (thinking he was out of the show). “It’s okay. There’s always next time. If you can’t go this year, you’ll go next year.” To which I had to reply, “No- It’s because I didn’t have time to go to the rehearsal. I’ll be at the next one.” 

C: It’s my birthday. Can you wish me a Happy Birthday? LYN: Happy Birthday.

C: I’ve sent 100 comments already. Look at me. LYN: Thank you.

C: Today is my friend’s birthday. Can you wish them a Happy Birthday? LYN: … :| There’s no need, right? It’s your friend’s birthday and they’re not even watching my stream but you want me to wish them a Happy Birthday? What’s the point of that??

LYN: No one has told me what the “20yuan new fan” thing means. I still don’t get it. But I guess it means that you’re new fans? If I’m guessing correctly they’re a new species of fans. XD At least here with me. They’re a new species. That’s nice. C: You’re so up to speed, you really don’t know? LYN: I really don’t. It used to be that I really enjoyed scrolling through weibo or the short video platforms, to see things relating to me. But then I found out that sometimes after I saw those posts, I would be unhappy. The way I found to fix that was to not scroll social media at all. A lot of the artist friends around me all choose not to look either; and they really don’t. After I stopped looking I became a lot happier. Really. These things can influence your mood. So I decided not to look at them, and my mood has become much better. Truly. I really don’t look at them anymore. I just deleted the apps. They’re not worthy to be on my phone. LYN: When I see bad things, I don’t have much of an interest. Even now, I don’t much look at things relating to me. Sometimes I’ll see the popular and trending stuff but I’ve really cut down on the content and comments related to myself.

LYN: My mentality is already in a good place, so you don’t have to try to comfort me or anything. There’s no need. I’m really doing very well. I think I’ve matured. People go through all sorts of experiences, and it’s only after you’ve gone through them that you grow. If anything I’ll watch some funny clips or cuts from movies, and that’s also fine.

C: Why haven’t they brought you the yunnan baiyao yet? LYN: They don’t live with me. They’re in the hotel, so it’s not a big rush. It really doesn’t hurt much anymore. It was only a sprain. It’s okay. LYN: You know that I’m on the tall side, so I’m prone to twisting my ankle. Whenever I’m shooting for the dramas, I always twist my ankle. It was the worst in the first drama I shot. Then, I twisted it during CGX. Then later, I broke my bone. In any case, twisting my ankle is- /staff arrived/ You’re here?

C: Ning-ge, it’s also my birthday. I want to hear your “loser literature.” LYN: Do you really want to hear my loser literature, or do you want to curse at me? If it’s the former, I already demo’d it earlier. Later when I stop streaming, you can scroll through the playback. I did it quite a few times. LYN: ~ Sorry, I won’t imitate it again. ~

- /someone asks why they’re not applying the medicine/ LYN: It’s okay, they’re working on it. But don’t worry. I’m old enough and can take care of it myself. You don’t need to worry about me. Later, I’ll- how long have I been streaming for? 2hours, 47 minutes. When it’s 3hours, I’ll leave. There are still 13 minutes left for me to chat with you. - /medicine time/ LYN: It’s OK now! I applied the medicine. It’s no big deal.

C: Ning-ge, is your new drama going to air soon? LYN: None of my dramas are going to air soon. I’m still filming the current one. As for the ones that are already done filming I really have no idea when they’ll air. I’m not going to worry about it, and just keep on filming. So- /thinking hard/- we’ll just wait. There’s no rush. I’ll get my album out first, and later I’ll be shooting for a variety show. So you don’t have to worry about not seeing me. I’m going to go record for a variety show; I’ve heard it’s going to be fun. So later you can watch it. LYN: Right now there are… just a bunch of dramas that are waiting to be broadcast and I don’t know when they will be. Some of them need to wait for the right time, because it’ll air on two platforms at once. It’s hard to find a common time, so we’re in a bit of an uncomfortable position. All we can do is wait. But I just need to keep shooting, is all. 

C: Zi Chuan. LYN: I only had around 190 or so scenes, if I remember correctly. It’s 48 episodes, and I only have 190 scenes. Honestly, it’s not that much. I don’t remember if that was the number, but it has to be around 200. Tian Xing (Floating world/Heroes) is also around 200 scenes. I didn’t shoot more than that. I don’t appear very much. C: Cicada Girls? LYN: That was also around 100 scenes? That one was really little, because it’s only 24 episodes long. I finished filming for that in two months.

C: Ning-ge, as long as you’re in it, it doesn’t matter how many scenes you have. LYN: Right. All you have to do is watch. For dramas, I feel like as long as I’ve participated in it, you can take a look. It’s rare that I got the opportunity to be an actor AND actually act in something, so all you have to do is support me and support the dramas I appear in, and respect my decisions.

C: Ning-ge, will you still be shooting dramas when you’re 60? LYN: I don’t know, probably not? I probably wouldn’t be. Let me… not continuously shoot dramas like that. LYN: We’ll see as we go.

C: Keep acting when you’re 60. Then there’s no doubt when you call yourself a veteran actor. LYN: Am I in this until death do me part? It doesn’t matter if I act terribly or how the drama turns out, I should still self-praise and say, “I’m a veteran actor. Because I’m 60!”? LYN: Is that allowable? Let’s forget about it. Let me enjoy my old age. At the most I’ll hold a concert when I’m an old man, at which point I will tear my shirt off for you. I probably won’t be acting, but let’s wait and see. I think I’d be able to pull off a concert at 60, though. All the little old ladies here in the stream can watch an old man go barechested together. LYN: Yes- when I’m 60 and holding my concert I’ll tear my shirt off. I don’t know which song it will be but I will just need to tear it off. I wouldn’t know why. I’m already so hot I’m left in just my undershirt, but it will be so warm that I have no choice but to remove that undershirt. Think about it- I’ll be 60 and probably not have much strength left. For fear that I would not be able to tear the shirt with my own strength, I’ll have to make a cut in the collar in advance. Even if I wanted to tear it, I’d have to cut it in advance. And then if that doesn’t work, I can use me teeth and pull at it with both hands. It’s all possible. LYN: Someone said earlier that my dancing was skirting the edge. I won’t do it now, but save it for when I’m 60. I’ll hold a concert when I’m 60 and skirt the edge then. For my risque performance it will be of a 60 year old man tearing his shirt off. So you can see a barechested old man. LYN: Oh my god, what if my fake teeth fall out? While I’m using my teeth to help tear at the shirt, my dentures fly out and off the stage? Someone picks them up and says, “I won it in the raffle.” I’m sure that’s something you would do, especially at 60. “Oh, Ning-ge’s not giving anything? Then, I won this in a raffle (of my own making).”

C: Ning-ge, you can have Daimi tear it for you. LYN: Don’t talk about such sad topics, okay? Do you think a dog’s lifespan is that long? At that time there probably won’t be a Daimi anymore. /cries/

C: Ning-ge, will you hold a concert when you’re 80? LYN: Enough, already. I have no way of answering these questions. If I told you, “Don’t worry. I live for music. It doesn’t matter if I’m 80 or 90, I will still share good music with you all.” I think saying that is too much. It’s too much. “I was born to make music. For art.” “I shoot dramas so that I can put my everything into the role.” It’s not worth it. I know these words are easily said, but I don’t believe very many can do. I can’t guarantee that I’ll still be singing at 80. What am I?? I just want to live a good life and spend my days happily. I don’t want to torture myself like that. I’ve been tortured my whole life already. LYN: By that time I should be finding free time. I should have a kid who comes home often to visit me. I should be in assisted living and have a kid who, with a smile, brings their significant other to see me. I’ll prepare some topics of conversation. Their mother will prepare a table full of food. You can talk to me about the struggles in life. Discuss your troubles at work.

LYN: It’s not a playback. This is live.

C: Lao-da, you should go for your physical. LYN: I just came back from doing it! I went mid-last year. Basically, I’m healthy. They didn’t find much. The only thing is that I am a bit calcium deficient. Other than that, nothing major. Everything is good and I’m pretty healthy. I know I look sickly/weak but I’m actually healthy. Only lacking in calcium. But you know- the design of their machine- ANY normal person who goes to test will come out calcium deficient. Honestly, a lot of people are. C: About about weight? LYN: 130+ pounds. I think I’m around 132-134.

C: Will you still be recording for The Truth? LYN: Yeah. As long as they’ll be recording for it, I’ll go. As long as they invite me to go play, I’ll go. LYN: I tend to develop an attachment to the shows I’ve been on before- and this includes all of them. I was even on Fresh Chef 100 twice. As long as there’s a second season and I’m invited, I will find the time to go. I went on WMDG twice, and actually a third season also wanted me. They wanted me for a third season! But I thought I wouldn’t have anything to show for a third season. I don’t know. Actually at that point I really didn’t have time- if I’m doing a drama and variety show at the same time the schedule is pretty strict. Music varieties are not like others, because you have to take time to prepare in advance. You have to practice the song, think about how to rearrange it, and actively participate. You also have to think about the next performance. All while doing that, you have to make sure you’re not overworking so that you can sing well for the actual performance. All in all, a music variety exhausts a lot of your mental capacity. You have to think a lot more than shows where “having fun” is the focus, like reality shows. Those are okay. Music varieties are completed with the help of a lot of professionals, so it’s more difficult.

LYN: Anyway! As long as I have the time I’ll use a few hours to stream for you. I know that after my last drama, a lot of you came to like me. I didn’t even believe it at first, because all of the ah… discussion about me online was not exactly ideal. But the fact that there are still a group of people who were able to like me despite that makes me really grateful. With some things, you can only tell with time. Like me- if you’ve been with me for a while you’ll start to understand what type of person I am. So it’s okay. I have a lot of friends who have walked with me on this path until today and they all know and understand me. I want to welcome all the new friends and if you still haven’t subscribed to my weibo, please do so. The next time I stream it will notify you~ 

LYN: Some people are typing a question into the comments in a clear attempt to trick me. You’re not good people. I’m talking to you. You’re not a good person. It’s the New Year. Do good things. There are so many people asking me…

C: Wonderland of Love was the coollest! LYN: I only went there to cameo. Are you saying that the drama was cool, or that you liked my appearance in it? In any case, it was just a cameo, which was fun. And I was happy to be involved, because they were really attentive to my appearance. They carefully selected a wardrobe for me, and did my hair and makeup well. They were serious about it, even if I was just there to cameo. I felt respected. I was happy to cameo and to promote it when it started airing. It’s not as if I had the greatest influence, but I was happy to do what I could to promote it. Even though I was just there to cameo, I felt respected and they were serious about making me look decent so that I could leave a little role there. It was nice. LYN: I feel like the hair/makeup and wardrobe for dramas nowadays is so amazing. It’s good though, and just goes to show how this industry is improving. We’re all striving for the best.

LYN: Sometimes when I’m walking down the street, some people will call me, “Ning Yuanzhou!” I think it’s nice. Before, it would be: “Modern Brothers! Modern Brothers, right? I’ve heard your song- Jiang Zhen De.” They would know me because of that cover; but that was before. Nowadays whenever I go somewhere I will hear, “Ning Yuanzhou!” instead. I think the happy thing about being an actor is that you can become known as an actor for playing a particular role. And as an actor, you really have to thank all of the roles that you’ve played, because really it’s the character that has made more people like you as a person. It’s not because we as actors are charming, but because the drama’s role is charming. That’s why I’m thankful for all the roles I’ve played before that have let more people know of me. Even if the previous character was not very outstanding or from a drama that was not very popular, there can still be those one or two fans who have won the lottery and started to like me. That’s also something the drama brought to me. 

C: I’ve watched all of your dramas and now I’m at a loss. LYN: Don’t make it seem as if I’ve been in very many dramas. The very first drama I was in was Hot-Blooded Youth and honestly I didn’t know how to act back then. Of course, I still only act pretty averagely even now. But then I didn’t know a thing about acting. I was relying on my instincts. The ones after, too. I didn’t really know how to act. I started to get the hang of it- I had an epiphany- for BCF’s role, because I got too into it. I got into it and then it went to my head. I know how some people talk about immersing themselves in the role, and I understood it, but I didn’t really FEEL it until that role. LYN: When I first started people told me that being an actor was an art that leaves you with regrets. No matter what role you play, you will always leave it with regrets. You’ll think about how you could have performed better. It’s an art that leaves you with regret. But BCF was the only role I feel like I didn’t leave with regrets. Why? Because I don’t think that if I had a second chance to play the role I would have done a better job. That’s what I think. Maybe I could do better performance-wise, but in terms of the emotion I don’t think I could do better a second time. LYN: After that role when I acted I started thinking about different approaches to a scene that I could have handled better. I started having my own sense of… what do you call it? My brain’s not working anymore. Sense of… it’s right on the top of my tongue. Sense of self-review. But I really think that if you had me go back to play BCF again- I know I didn’t have all the techniques and acting tricks down but the emotion was real. It’s not a state of mind that I can reach again. 

C: The trick to acting is not acting at all. LYN: Not so. I don’t really dare to talk to you depth about acting because I know that I am just an amateur. If I talk to you about it I’m sure that people are going to ridicule me saying, “Oh, look. This singer thinks he knows anything about acting.” But I’ll learn from the actors I work with. It doesn’t matter how small their role is, I will still observe how they act. If there’s something good to learn, I will absorb it. I’m that type of person. LYN: You say that “the trick to acting is not acting at all.” Really, that’s not completely true. I guess it would depend on what type of drama it is. For example, if you are supposed to be someone who’s been stabbed through with by a spear, tell me how they’re supposed to act that out. How would you know what it feels like to be stabbed by a spear? How would you act? Or for example, you’re walking along and get shot. I know they say to use your real feelings but, are you really going to get shot in order to act that out? So, you still need to act. You still need the element of acting- the performance. Acting is acting. The logic behind “not acting’ is just to make it more lifelike. So that people don’t feel like it’s too fake. C: Lao-da, can you act it out now? LYN: What? Getting shot? I was shot in my first drama- Hot-Blooded Youth, as WCF. He was shot and died. BCF jumped off the building and died- that’s a second way of dying. Another drama, also- oh, forget it. In any case, they all… (died). There’s also death by poison. There’s also death by getting stabbed with ten spears. You can say, “Ning-ge, the secret to acting is by not acting at all.” You’ve been stabbed by ten spears. How do you act that? Get stabbed, so you know what it feels like for real? “Oh, this is how it feels! I don’t need to act now!” C: LMX died from sickness. LYN: LMX just silently passed in his sleep. He fell asleep and was gone.

LYN: I think all that I’ve experienced in these past past five years have, especially in the recent 6-12 months- made me enjoy acting even more. Because now I know what’s good and what’s bad. I can differentiate. Even choosing scripts, roles, and teams. I have an awareness now. I didn’t used to think so much about it. I used to think that as long as the job fulfilled one of the requirements I was satisfied. But sometimes you realize that’s an uncomfortable path to take. Now I’ve gained the ability to distinguish between good and bad, and that’s a good sign of growth for me. C: The script is very important. LYN: Of course it is. The script is number 1. The script is number 1 and without it, nothing else follows. I think it’s very important. I’m talking about the majority of the dramas that are being shot right now- the script is number 1. It’s not like a movie, where you can have a lot of time to build up chemistry. For example, if there are five actors. These five need to work together to flesh the scene out- I say something, then you say something. Or, I’ll add something here, and you say something in reply so that we can have a back-and-forth. There’s a creative atmosphere that’s really great. I’ve had a couple dramas like that, but I’m not going to say which. There was one where the actors present in the scene said a bunch of fun stuff. For example, if there are five-six of us on scene we could create a really fun atmosphere that takes the basic structure of the scene and add that extra layer of character building. I think that’s something we as actors should do, as long as we are given the creative freedom to do so. When you are able to create with your fellow actors you’ll find every day enjoyable and fun. When you get on set you can share your ideas and play off of each other. As an actor, that’s the thing I found most enjoyable while shooting. On the other hand, in dramas where you don’t have that creative freedom, you just act as the script directs. You feel like it’s only work and it doesn’t bring you any joy. So, you really do need to chance upon a good script.

C: BYOL. LYN: For that drama, honestly, I was really… relaxed. Because I hadn’t shot any modern dramas before that, so my only requirement for myself was that I was real and relaxed. Tao-jie was a big factor, since for most of that drama she was the one opposite me. She’s really great, as you know, and led me well. With her, I could act however I wanted to. We added a lot of content- like teasing remarks. For example, the “What’s wrong? You’re screaming so loudly!” in the scene where she sees the two reptiles. I think she says something like, “Take those digusting things away” and I reply, “What “things”? These are my brothers. In English, they’re my homies.” We added a lot of things like that. We played around and were really relaxed. Of course, there’s are certain degrees to a scene so in the end it wasn’t added to the drama but the feel was still there. We were creating nonstop and fitting things together, with very realistic banter. There was a lot that we put together on scene. Sometimes it can be really interesting and meaningful. - (t/n: he slipped while talking and called it YNGS, but really it’s supposed to be BYOL.)

LYN: Sometimes I see people commenting on my acting, and I will also read those comments seriously and accept what they’re saying. If they have a point, it’s something I make sure to work on in the future. I acknowledge what they’re saying. I see the comments on my acting, and- /laughs/- it’s quite interesting. They talk about an actor’s facial expressions, our reactions. It’s like- - /Daimi starts barking/ LYN: Okay, I won’t talk about this. If there wasn’t such a big topic of public opinion, I really would like to share my thoughts about it with you. But if I say anything then there is also bound to be some unreasonable backlash. Honestly, I’m just chatting and I don’t try to speak with any motives. This is just my small and insignificant livestream.

LYN: I think it’s the medicine my staff ordered for me. (The reason why Daimi’s barking) LYN: Daimi. Come here. I’ll give you an opportunity to show your face on camera. Let’s prove that I’m not oppressing you. LYN: Come here. Give your Aunties and Uncles a New Year’s bow. LYN: We haven’t trimmed her fur lately so she’s looking a little haggard. She’s got stray hairs. She doesn’t have any schedules lately so she’s unkempt and there’s hair in front of her eyes, so you can’t really see them. LYN: Here, look here. To the front. LYN: She’s gotten fatter lately. I held her while going up the stairs and I think she’s gotten too fat. Fat and round, like a gas tank. I’m thinking of taking her to see YOLO (热辣滚烫). So she can see other’s determination and self-reflect. D: /barks/ (Don’t talk shit about me, dad.) LYN: Bark, bark. Why are you barking? Shush. LYN: Did you want to say something? Speak. What do you want to say? Speak. Didn’t you have something you wanted to say? Say it. I’m giving you mic, you can speak. Say something. Huh? /gets ignored/ Hey! Speak! LYN: Want. A. Sausage? (x2) LYN: Okay, forget it. I’ll let her go.

LYN: Okay, friends. It’s about time. I should stop streaming now. If you still haven’t subscribed to my weibo, please do so. If I wrap up early in the next few days I’ll stream for you again, okay? Thank you all for keeping me company and I hope you had a relaxing, happy, and wonderful night. It was great to have you, and I hope you had fun. Let’s meet again in the next stream. Goodnight, everybody!

[shadohood]

INTRODUCTION POST, I GUESS

You can call me Shado, Shad or whatever other variation. I don't like being refered to with any gender specific stuff, but won't correct you or make a big deal out of anything like that (especially slang).

I'm relatively new to tumblr and am bad with social cues and norms, don't by angry at me i'm trying my best. Same with english, btw, it's not my first language.

I don't really have anything I could say here tbh. I draw, I write, I fandom, I exist (unfortunaltly for everyone). I would make original art more if anybody would see it, so i'm trying to balance.

My art commissions are open! Your money would help me survive in my current situation (and get out of it eventually) and you get a pretty (hopefully) picture too! I can't go into details, but "survive" is the only correct word here.

You can suggest any art idea to me, so I guess some version of untraditional art requests is also open, but don't expect me to follow your idea word for word in case of requests. I also have a reblog blog (I love saying that in my head), I reblog there more often than here!

I'm in what I call "fandomic superposition", I'm in every, all and none fandoms at once. Currently working on undertale related stuff, but also often get distracted with fantasy worldbuilding and general character design.

I don't do DNI thingy, but keep any harmful intent away from here, folks. Would be cool if art was like an oasis where everybody regardless of habit stays at peace. Also I try not to post anything too suggestive/erotic or otherwise 18+, but my brain works in mysterious ways, anyone who wouldn't like to/shouldn't see that (like minors or sex-repulsed folks) I warned ya!!!

I might add other things here in the future.

My artsy stuff library:

CR!Underfell AU (linking the first post in contnuity, because no masterpost for now)

Fan version/prediction of hellaverse Leviathan

* Reference sheet/initial idea

* Quick redesign

* Da fish has a yacht

* Confrontation

Dungeon meshi OC

* Buapo

* Shinchu

One Piece OCs/Three man crew

* Bite-off

* Aipatchi

* Hikigane

Nidavelir: home beyond soil (my fantasy project thingy)

* Yeri

* Main character ready to fight

* A main character interaction

* Random witch

* Sage in the dungeon

* Elves

* Sage redesign

* Trolls

* Super old Sage post

[trainwreckgenerator]

Hi there! I just came across one of your comics dealing with your own self-image and T and I saw in the comments, one of your replies saying that you shouldn't have a singular self-image and that you should think about yourself the way you view others. I was just wondering if you could elaborate on the singular self-image idea more. I'm not trying to bait you or anything I'm just interested because I've been trying to make decisions about going on T and how I want to present myself and I didn't realize I could be thinking about it in unhealthy ways.

sure! so the big pitfall with any kind of appearance-altering procedure, especially one that takes place over such a long timeframe as HRT, is going into it with an image in your head of exactly what you'll look like by the end of it.

just like with teen puberty or aging, there is no real way of knowing precicely what you'll look like after a year, after 5 years, after 10 years on hrt. think back to being in highschool: for some people, puberty changed their whole body until they looked like totally new people. for others, it just slapped some boobs or a beard on them and called it a day. my puberty as a teen made my nose bigger! i dont know why! hrt can have similarly unexpected effects.

holding on to a detailed, idealised version of what you want to look like by the end of hrt is likely to set you up for disappointment when it gives you changes different to, or less extreme than, what you were hoping for. there are some things that are more guaranteed - like a deepening voice on T - but not everybody is going to come away with a full beard, or reduced cheek fat. there are cis men out there with round, smooth faces! hormones are unpredictable for everybody.

so, ive been trying to encourage myself to instead consider the possible changes in a vague, agglomerative way - for instance, there's a lower and upper limit to the quantity of facial hair i would consider ideal, but ive stopped picturing my future face with a highly specific hair distribution, because chances are im going to get something not quite like that, and i dont want to be bummed out about it, i want to be able to appreciate what i get when i get it.

as some people have pointed out, you can sort of predict what hrt will do to you by looking at the men and women you're closely related to and seeing if there seem to be genetic trends cropping up. chances are, hrt will do to you the same thing puberty did to your relatives. the men in either side of my family aren't tall, so im not expecting my bones to change much, but they do tend to have defined jawlines, so my hopes are high for facial fat redistribution - but again, that's only a chance, not a guarantee.

ultimately, deciding whether to go on hrt should be based on whether you want to move your appearance "in the direction of" the changes hrt can bring about - if you look at the list of changes and think "yeah i really want some or all of these, to varying degrees; and the ones i dont want, i wouldnt really mind that much", then hrt is probably a good idea.

but if youre thinking "i have an exact future body i want to achieve, and hrt could give me this body, but if it gives me a different body i will feel terrible", then either hrt isn't for you, or you need to step away and do some self-reflecting before commiting to the process.

this post is already super long but i will add one last bit of advice if you're still not sure: with some forms of hrt, you can deliberately choose a very low dose, so that changes come about much more slowly - making it much easier to notice if a change you don't like is happening, giving you the option to back out. in the early stages, many hrt effects are reversible, including fat redistrubution and hair loss. (note that voice deepening and new facial/body hair growth are not reversible, unless you undertake more surgery to reverse it.) (infertility is sometimes reversible but its complicated. if you plan on having kids do extra research specifically on that)

[wilted-astraea]

Asking this to anyone that might have fictionkin knowledge cause im hesitant to call me one without proper knowledge, but i never can find good info.

This may seem like a stupid question, so im sorry for that.

I feel like i am a character, memories, behaviors, and even missing locations. This character has been as if I've been there. But, i know im not the character? I often am told that i have to believe i am t1he character. But i know im not. Maybe in a past life i was? But either way. Idk

Any info could help.

~☀️

hello, anon! i am relatively new to the community, so my knowledge may not be as sharp as some others. in my experience, i came across the same confusion when my first kintype developed (sasha).

i can't say that i was experiencing any memories at that point, but learning to distinguish identifying as a character and identifying with one was a good starting point. there is a lot of merit in saying that you have to believe you are that character because kin would be described as identifying AS that character, but there are different ways that kin can be interpreted.

i suggest looking into psychological kin vs spiritual kin and understanding what they are because you seem to align with spiritual kin. keep in mind, you can experience both (i experience both as sasha waybright.)

you could also experience something known as fictionflickering. this is usually a temporary identification as a fictional character. it can come and go over time and may be limited by circumstances (ex. hyperfixating on the media they're from atm) whereas a kinshift isn't necessarily bound to temporary circumstance, but rather your mind/behavior shifts to that character and you believe that you are/were them. (ex. past life.. like you mentioned)

one last thing to mention! as i've observed the community and taken part in it myself, there is a general consensus around the existence of kintypes that are canon vs canon-divergent, meaning that our identities may or may not correlate completely with the source media. (ex. canon sasha is blonde, i'm brunette, but "we" exist in alternate universes with interlinked lives. we are still the same person.) so it's okay if you don't completely "relate" to everything about your canon "counterpart." sometimes, it comes down to personal beliefs and experiences as that character.

it's definitely a process, so don't feel like you need to rush. in my opinion, what you described definitely sounds like kin, particularly spiritual. before you kinfirm (confirm lol) this kintype, it can be helpful to try and "get into character." try out this identity! consume media, dress like them, maybe draw or edit them. do anything and see if this feels like there's an alignment. if you believe that this could be a past life, does it bring back those memories? do you get any sensations? do you feel a particular way about others within your canon? it's all helpful to look into these things, but also not everybody who is kin gets memories either. it just seems like you do according to your ask! i wish you the best of luck!! ty for asking <3

[mouthpiece-simp]

Bellringer x Reader Headcanons

🔔You knew toons were supposed to hate Cogs, but somehow one of them managed to catch your eye. His name was Benjamin and you couldn't keep yourself from getting a little flustered around him. Fighting him and he calls you love? Your face would go RED.

🔔Ben knew you had a crush on him because, let's be honest, you did not do a good job at hiding it. And he may or may not have listened to the whisper conversation you had with your friend outside a building in Daffodil Gardens where you two were talking about the Cogs you secretly had crushes on. {I HC that he hears any and all whispers to and from toons around him.}

🔔He knows he also likes you back, so he decides to be a bit subtle about it at first and send you letters from "an admirer." How did he get your address? He's a door to door salesman, he has a big book of the name and address of every homeowner so he can personally address them when he goes to their door. He just had to look at the section sorted by names alphabetically and there you were...

🔔You didn't know who your admirer was at first until they decided to tell you who they were. And he included a little bell in the envelope.

🔔So the next day you pulled him aside and confronted him about it, and he admitted the letters were from him and asked you out on a date. You said yes, and that's how the two of you started dating.

🔔Literally everybody knows about your relationship with Ben. He told everyone :)

🔔How many pet names do you get called? Yes.

🔔You get called cutie, sweetie, sweetheart, muffin, love, honey, honeybun, angel, future wife/husband/spouse, [insert 50 nicknames related to your name]... and more. Dude even makes up his own pet names to call you.

🔔Ben will constantly flirt with you. He ALWAYS has the smoothest thing to say that will make your face go red.

🔔If you're feeling stressed or anxious, he traps you in a really tight hug and plays a soft tune with his bell until you settle down.

🔔Honestly you hear his bell a LOT.

🔔He loudly rings his bell for a lot of reasons... anger, surprise, drowning someone out in conversation, being really excited... the list goes on. But around you he plays specific rhythms or tunes that you have memorized by heart by now. You know what each of them mean.

🔔Speaking of talking to you, he does that a lot. Like, a lot. You feel like you know everything about all of his coworkers, friends, acquaintances, relatives, and literally anyone he's ever interacted with without even seeing their face.

🔔He also wants the gossip about your toony friends and if you tell him, chances are everyone he's ever talked to will know about it within 24 hours.

🔔Ben's way of kissing you is letting his clapper touch you, usually the top of your head because it's easiest for him to reach. Technically that's him licking you but let's not get into technicalities...

🔔He will want to go through a lot of your stuff to learn about you, but he doesn't want you to think he's just snooping around to be a creep so he'll ask your permission beforehand.

🔔Enjoy your relationship with your gossipping, flirtatious boyfriend!

[chemblrish]

Hey, First of all, I love your blog. It's literally aesthetic ~ I wanted to ask if you considered job prospects before deciding on your degree because I see people around me saying chem is not worth it because of future possibilities. I also have a background in Biotechnology, but had a similar issue with it being too vague. I am working in a totally different field which I am greatful for but I dont plan on staying here long term. Seeing your blog rekindled my interest in chem so would love to know your point of view on this or any advice you could offer. You can totally ignore this if you want as well <3

[This got SO LONG omg 🙈 But I hope it can be helpful]

Hi there fellow chem enthusiast!

To be honest, it's no secret that finding a job in the scientific field is difficult here in Poland. I was fully aware of it when I chose biotech first and then chemistry second. My reasoning back then was, "I love science more than anything and, since I have the opportunity to study it literally for free, why not take it? Why not spend five years - that are going to come and go anyway - learning something I'm passionate about, broadening my knowledge, and giving myself a chance to create a beautiful future for myself? Even if I fail to get a job in science, at least I will know that I tried my best. I'll have spent five precious years of my life doing something incredible."

Which may sound a little depressing, I agree 😅 But several years later, I still think this way. Even if I can't get a job in chemistry once I graduate, at least I'm so, so happy now. I can't really picture myself doing anything that's not science-related, so I know I have to try.

But at the same time, after a couple of years studying for two different science degrees, I have some insight that I didn't have straight after high school. I have had people tell me getting a science degree isn't worth it too, that I won't get a job afterwards, but I've noticed most of those people belonged to one of the following three categories:

1. People who have absolutely nothing to do with science: distant relatives working in business or trade, my parents' acquaintances with no higher education, everybody who ~has heard things~ but has never really been in the position to see firsthand how these things work.

2. My fellow science majors who have older friends with a science degree: their concerns usually sounded valid to me. After all, they were in touch with people who actually got the degree in question and then tried to navigate the job market post-graduation. Later though I realized a lot of those people belonged to the third category.

3. Science students who honestly don't know what tf they're doing - a category that I like to divide into two subcategories:

a. well-meaning but lost students who really need guidance

b. people who went to uni because eh why not but who don't really care and who refuse to put in the work.

I definitely belonged to category 3a at the very beginning of my uni journey, so there's no shame in that. I'm a first gen uni student, so I had to figure everything out all by myself as I went.

The thing is, I got to talk to a lot of people who complained that a science degree is useless while doing pretty much nothing to sharpen their skills. They floated through uni as if it was nothing but another chore they had to cross out of their to-do list, barely passing, having zero interest in their field of study, not taking any opportunities that were literally out there. No extracurriculars, no internships, no side projects, nothing. Is it surprising at all these people struggle to find a job in science afterwards?

Don't get me wrong, nobody has full control over their life - sometimes you just get lucky. My friend's friend (lol) needed to take a break from uni after his BSc and got a job in an analytical lab straight away. But most often you just really have to work your butt off to get what you want. The people from my old uni who truly cared about biotech worked extremely hard to get to where they are now: with published papers and working with their profs. Harsh as it may sound, I now know that if I don't want to be one of those people with a """useless""" science degree, I have to do more than is expected of me. I have to put my introverted, anxious self out there, because being passive probably won't get me anywhere.

The people who love you and care about you mean well when they say chemistry isn't worth it, but that doesn't mean they're right. Similarly, people who graduate with a science degree and then struggle to get a job aren't all slackers who just didn't try hard enough - that's absolutely not true. Life isn't always what we want it to be. I wouldn't exactly feel comfortable giving you advice since I'm still in uni, but I can tell you my experience, and my experience is people who know what they want and who are willing to work very hard for it, usually get it.

I'd say this is also no secret but it tends to float over people's heads (no shame in this either, it's hard to imagine your whole future when you're like 20) that when your profs tell you to do more, they're being serious. When they say doing extra is important, they're right.

So, I believe in all this stuff and I work hard and I got myself an internship, and will this get me a job in chemistry? I don't know! I've no idea! Maybe I'll fail miserably! Maybe I'll be one of those people who genuinely try hard and then just happen to be really unlucky! But right now I'm doing everything that's in my power not to let that happen. I can't guarantee you success in the scientific field - nobody can - but I can tell you hard work, determination, and faith in yourself increase your chances of succeeding dramatically. It's a cliche, I'm aware, but if you never try, you never know. You only get one precious chance to experience living on this floating rock and everything that comes with it. Why not try to make it good?

[autumn-equinox-04]

aiden?

Yessss I love Aiden!!

Favorite thing about them:

I love his energy. Aiden just has a perpetually sleep-deprived, in-desperate-need-of-caffeine, tired-of-life, angsty-arteeste vibe that I relate to on a spiritual level.

Also: dude has a mischievious streak. He's not innocent. In the right place and time and situation, he can be just as much of a chaos demon as anyone else. He rocks the whole "hidden-depth" vibe.

Least favorite thing about them:

This is hard because I genuinely love him, but probably his tendency to push his emotions away- and, in the process, push people away. It really contributes to his angsty arteeste motif, but it causes so many unnecessary problems (case in point: CoG and NoI).

Favorite line:

Aiden has way too many iconic lines for me to choose just one, so I'll just put the line that he's (arguably) most known for:

"Why are you like this, Shah?"

brOTP:

Aiden and Rudy.

Once Aiden stops resisting the call of madness, these two will terrorize the world and you cannot convince me otherwise.

OTP:

Arudennnn

I love these two so much omg their dynamic their banter their everything <3

nOTP:

Aiden and Kara.

Just. No. I don't like it. I DON'T LIKE IT.

(also him with literally everybody else in the series except Aru because the Potatoes are like his siblings and the adults are like his relatives?? extended family?? that Indian thing where everyone who is not your parents is your uncle or aunty and it's very unlikely that you're actually related to any of them??)

Random headcanon:

Aiden is a side sleeper. He doesn't curl up into a ball or anything, but throws his limbs out in front of him like he's trying to hug someone.

Aiden falls into the category of Capable Of Swearing, but Does Not Swear (Usually).

Aiden has several patented Looks™ and uses them on a regular basis (mostly on Aru and Rudy).

Unpopular opinion:

I don't think I have one?

Song I associate with them:

Okay, I.... genuinely don't know this one. There are simultaneously too many songs I associate with him, and no songs I associate with him.

So for now I'm gonna go with the song he sang to Aru in NoI (it's not a real song, technically, but you can't get any more authentic than what the guy came up with himself)

If anyone has any recommendations, please share!!

Favorite picture of them:

There's no question about it, it's this one (because otherwise I would have had to say the old official art, and that's a big NO):

And that's it from me! Thanks for the ask, @parrotxx!

[themichaelvan]

tagged by @changingcore / 15 questions for 15 mutuals (oh fuck do i even have that many)

are you named after anyone? - birth name, nope. does it count if i got my chosen name from a fictional character??

when was the last time you cried? - this morning!! nothing 2 be concerned about i got woken up by the fire alarm (also nothing to be concerned about it just needs the battery replaced) and was so tired & upset i started crying, which happens. more often than i would like. hm. maybe i named myself after the wrong afton kid

do you have kids? - nope!! i do like interacting with them though but only like 3 max at a time JFJRJFNG

do you use sarcasm a lot? - irl yes, online only sparingly. & i make it very exaggerated not usually deadpanned or anything so people can Tell (which of course nobody needs except for Me but i digress)

what sports do you play/have played? - did soccer when i was a little kid (Hated It), was on a swim team for a while, and did marching band for the longest (which is my favorite and yes it counts as a sport and you cannot say it doesn't until you've been in marching band. cunt)

what's the first thing you notice about other people? - typically clothes and then hair! i have a relatively mild (but still pretty bad compared to ppl without it) case of face-blindness, and i CANNOT tell people apart by their faces at all unless they have smth like a bunch of facial piercings or a scar or smth Noticable so i tend to look at other things first.

eye colour? - ??? hazel-brown ??? no idea tbh but at least partially brown

scary movies or happy endings? - HAPPY ENDINGS. i am soso scared of scary movies i will gladly watch the little prince for the 60th time. Alternate Universe - Everybody Lives / Nobody Dies is one of my favorite tags on ao3.

any special talents? - ? What does this mean. i guess proofreading/editing?? i have always LOVED doing it and i just. naturally keep track of all the Language Rules and enjoy using them. the autism kicking in i suppose. and yes it does count as a special talent actually you would not BELIEVE how many candies i got in 5th grade from ppl bribing me to read over their essays.

where were you born? - arizona/usa. same town as my mom actually (despite her moving like 7 times in between her birth and mine)

what are your hobbies? - listen to music and pace around my room until i pass out. and painting, writing, drawing, various other arts n crafts, guitar, percussion when i have the chance (rn i only have a practice pad :|), and mobile games of heavily varying quality.

do you have any pets? - not atm but i used to have two cats (both still alive just in different household) that i still consider my little kitties :] i have 150+ pictures of them on my phone if you ever need cats i Got you

how tall are you? - 5'11" now!!! was hovering around 5'7"-8" for the longest time but i recently had a growth spurt and now im only the SECOND shortest in my family (out of six)

favourite subject in school? - by the material probably math! it is sometimes difficult for me to get a concept but once i do it's Easy. i also do have an advantage (parent has math degree and is good at explaining) but i try and make up for it by helping everyone else as much as i can jfjdndjf. by the Class def band/music class if that counts. both of my music teachers have been both very scary yet very nice to me and i loved their classes so so much and i extremely enjoy playing instruments with other people (when they behave)

dream job? - sorting pokemon cards in a comfortable chair as a day job with a 4 day workweek, being a freelance renowned fiction editor on my own time, with occasional music-related gigs (tutoring, repairing stuff, playing in concerts, etc). i give you no shit if i could do that for the rest of my life and get paid well enough to live on my own or with roommates i like, have a cat, and have enough time and energy to homecook a meal 3-4 nights a week i would be so happy. that's all i want in life. "oh you would get bored doing the same thing day in day out" no i wouldn't "how" autism.

tags: @irradiatedblood @schmope-is-dead @sapphireclaw @bmo-2143 @pokette @soldiertransgender @astral--horrorshow @catnerdenby @unrestrainedbalderdash @buggiboo @lunar-anomaly @altruisticmystik @syntacticerrortxt @catlokis-blog @rosesareredjaybirdsareblue . okay. okay i think that's 15. im pretty sure. jegus.

[xnotyourdarlingx]

┌───────── ·  ·  ·  · ꒰⚘݄꒱₊

Hello ! It's Aries again ! Currently, I'm searching for somebody to write for The Last of Us with. I would love to write my OC against Joel Miller ! While I have not touched the second game yet, I've played the first one and have started watching the show (because, come on, Pedro Pascal). So I am willing to write Ellie when she's older because I will never write for / against a minor. Willing to write Joel Miller, too, as long as he's written for me in return.

All of it will be done over Discord and anybody I write with must ( considering I'm 21 ) be 20+ ! My writing style is semi literate to literate with the flexibility to mirror whoever I'm writing with. We will discuss any triggers beforehand so nobody is uncomfortable ! It can be the normal storyline or an alternate universe where the outbreak never happened—and I am more than okay with side roleplays that are AU based if we stick with the main storyline.

Please reach out to me if you're interested or message me on Discord (tag: starri.eyed) ! Just make sure to include your name, age and that it's for this roleplay.

Writing sample under the cut !

"Understandable. Your body running on adrenaline until it's close to giving out on you but your mind refusing to shut off," a chuckle accompanied Yue's sympathetic statement—bitter and despondent. Learning to acknowledge the way your mind shifting through a million dark thoughts is normal and accepting it are two entirely seperate concepts. Yue's struggling with the former, even though they've seen no progress in developing a cure for the virus, and this has become commonplace.

Regardless, getting to a normal life after experiencing too much brain-altering trauma sounded impossible. How do you go from witnessing the fall of humanity to asking somebody if they passed that important exam they had last week? Yue no longer believed herself capable of forming a bond with anybody. At least not in the capacity that was so normal when she was in high school. Now it was all 'did you come across anymore infected' and intolerable silence. One that conveyed what everybody probably wondered. Why did this happen? Has God abandoned us? Did clinging to religion help sanity recede slower or did people recklessly abandon it all after realizing no loving God could allow their children to be subjected to this much torture?

It's pleasantly shocking to hear the stranger's acceptance. Although they're residing in Jackson City where everything's relatively more relaxed—shaking off the survival instincts that you've had hardwired into your brain is arduous. Yue's stifling laughter at the comment. "I've got a funny way of talking? Mind you, I've been pressured to excel in my studies from a young age so accomodating my vocabulary to - " The woman pauses with measured caution. "Let's just say I wanted to be a nurse. This conversation could be a whole lot worse. Besides, you're the one who's got that Southern accent. Mind you, I love Southern accents so it's not a slight against you but..." A semblance of a smile is playing on Yue's lips. "Do you also have strange sayings and wear those hats that have a bunch of etiquette? And go to rodeos?"

A downfall to interacting with Yue is the incessant talking—except it's mainly when she's working through nerves. Meeting a new person who's related to Tommy's for sure going to enhance the initial anxiety. Of course she won't treat him extra special for it but it might destroy her to be kicked out of this community. Especially once you factor in the conditions of surviving outside Jackson City. It is Heaven for a world like theirs. Yue nodded, however, playing it off all casual. "The night skies can make it easier for people and infected to sneak up on you but we work it to our advantage, as well. Not that I blame you for taking a disliking to something so beautiful that can be weaponized against us... It's a shame. Astronomy is wonderful. There are many stories attributed to the constellations."

Yue pondered at Joel's introduction and with hesitance, outstretched a hand. "Pleasure to meet you, Joel Miller. I'm Yue. Ming Yue. I heard you came in with a girl. Does she happen to be your daughter?" Subtly observing Joel's physical appearance—Yue mentally notes the glaring age gap as seen in his graying hair. "Always better to have more helping hands. My guess is you're experienced on the field, right? Sounds like you're stuck in permanent survival mode. Which is not a bad thing and - no, wait, I'm not meaning to call you old. Sorry. You don't look that old." Now would be a good time for her to shut up, actually, before she insults him any more.

"Let's... Focus on walking now, before I say something that's.. Unintentionally rude."

[jovenshires]

Hey the new Ianthony edit? Made me emo as fuck it really had me in my feels very cool.

I didn't see it on the 'smosh' tag? Idk if that's intentional thought you should know if it's not <3 -dot hell anon

TYSM i had so much fun making that one so im glad <3333

ah yeah... that was intentional. old habits die hard i guess? this got a little away from me so i put my extremely long rant under the cut, but tlwr: i try not to tag a lot of shipping stuff as /smosh.

see, i'm not new to the smosh fandom, but i am relatively new to THIS version of the fandom. i came back a couple of months ago but my real heyday was in like. 2018-2020. and we had pretty set rules for how we went about things, and one of the BIG ones was to never put anything ship-related in the main tags (those tags being cast names and the main smosh tag itself).

this was for a couple different reasons; first of all, some of the actual smosh staff was on tumblr (the official smosh blog for one, and i think one of the cast used tumblr at the time?? not sure on that one though as i Cannot remember), and we didn't want them to have to view rpf of themselves in spaces just generally meant for posting about them/their company. like say courtney, for example, goes into the 'courtney miller' tag - there's a difference between seeing a post about her bit in the new tntl and a post about them. fucking ian nasty style. not that there's anything wrong with the latter, just that i am very conscientious about not showing the real person fiction to the real person(s) in question, as was a lot of the smosh fandom.

second of all, not every smosh fan is into rpf. our venn diagram is not a circle. there was a time when i was not a part of the venn diagram. it's why i try to tag every post with 'shipping' and/or 'rpf' when it even vaguely hints at the stuff, so that not everybody has to see it. this isn't exclusive to this topic - i would do that for anything divisive. so, yeah, casual smosh fans scrolling the main tag probably don't want to see my silly ship edits, and i get that!!

since i've returned we obviously have a much different fandom culture - the old smosh blog shut down years ago and i'm fairly certain none of the cast checks tumblr anymore (and if they do and they're reading this: i'd like to apologize and beg for them to block me for both of our sanities). i've also made a few exceptions to my own rule, such as with the incorrect tweets bc i think those can mostly be written off as jokes and the lil au edits though i regret that at times. (i've been considering un-tagging those for a while tbh.) i've also realized recently that the tag 'smosh fic' just gets sorted directly into the 'smosh' tag which is. a pain in the ass. that's not what i said tumblr and you know it. so some of my content has been filtered in there. but you'll notice with the lil clips and text posts i post and stuff i almost never tag it as 'smosh' because. i just don't need people to see it ya know. i've got my people here and that's enough for me <3

that is all to say by the way that the new fandom culture is not BAD. as we all know, i'm very pro-rpf, so seeing rpf out there is great (as long as you know it's not tinhatting etc etc). we also have a very diverse community now with a lot of interesting ships and great fics that i would never have found without casually scrolling through the smosh tag!! it's also easier nowadays to block tags than ever; casual fans can just block the 'shipping' tag and have (relatively) easy access to the smosh tag. so please all of you keep doing you - i'm not your mother and i don't expect you to listen to lil ole me where i live perched up on my soap box. BUT idk if i personally can get over my hang-ups about tags.

[lilikags]

reo thing

There’s a part of this fandom who believes that Reo had everything he wanted, growing up. Well, he’s rich. He could buy everything he wanted. Well then, does that make sense? To a lot of people, yes- after all, what else could he want that he could not get? Wasn’t he the guy who always said “Get what you want”? 

But here’s the thing: what did he want? It’s easy to think that he just wanted to be popular- to get good grades, to win competitions, to have everyone’s support. That’s what he did, that’s what he was to the people in Hakuho. But were those actions really because he wanted it, or because he was told to do it? Now, he’s pretty much every parent's dream child- with that many achievements, any parent would be proud. He always looked like he was on that path, the one for success and always having every resource he could possibly touch. But did he want that, or did his parents want that? You tell me. 

What might be really hard to consider is that Reo thinks everybody hates him- so he can’t trust anyone. Now, think about it: when you have billions of dollars at your disposal, do any of your peers think that you’re “one of them” or “relatable”? No, your money would solve all of their problems and you wouldn’t have their problems, so you’re not “one of them”. They want something from you- your money. It’s not rocket science to figure out that the more money you have, the more stuff people want from you and the more likely it is that people will suck up to you to get into that tap of money for their own interests while still hating you out of your ability to solve their problems. (In other words, they hate because they’re jealous)

He’s an outcast. He’s something else. He’s a genius. That’s what everyone believes- after all, how could he be at the top every single time? How could he have the top grades, the good personality, the looks on top of that, the background even? Now, with the grades thing, there’s a secret that can result in this: teaching your kid early. You take away the time people say “Oh, kids should play” and turn it into “I’m teaching my kid how to read so that he will be ahead of the class”. Kids are given time to grow emotionally and socially when they play, but it is highly likely that Reo’s parents had him be taught math, language, business, etc. instead. If you start with basic concepts from a young age and keep at it every day at lunch and dinner for years, you’ll get pretty far. Combine that with putting classes in his schedule, and he’s basically already studying hours and hours at a young age. He already had a leg up, and with a good schedule, and tutors to help him understand better, it is realistic that he learned everything in a steady pace with his natural intelligence to help him forward. He earned confidence, he wasn’t really held back by self-doubt in terms of his ability to deliver results. That’s why he has a hard time accepting loss. It’s gifted kid syndrome- and he didn’t know how to not be more than “perfect”. 

About his emotional growth- he has basically had very little emotional growth since just about forever. I imagine Reo to be a relatively well-behaved kid ever since he was young, and if there was any first message he came across first, it was to do what his parents said. It was obedience- and in order to do that, he had to shut his own emotions down, and put on a mask. That mask was carried with him everywhere. People are individualists but also value fitting in- they want to do what they want, but they don’t want to be labeled as an outcast. There are people who prioritize one or the other, and Reo chose conformity. Conform to what? He definitely didn’t conform to the other people at the school; he was so different that everyone was jealous. That didn’t matter to him; he conformed to expectations. People talk- putting his parents in the spotlight of this discussion. He has a natural intelligence- that allows him to go far. He was well behaved compared to kids his grade. What parent wouldn’t brag about how well they brought up a child like that? Then, based on what people hear, they have expectations too. “Because this kid’s a genius, he can do anything!” “He’s so well behaved for his age, I’m sure he’ll become a fine gentleman when he’s older!” But he’s so lost in the mask that he forgot what his real face looked like. In fact, he might’ve not even taken any real good look at it, because he’s always been conforming to the expectations. That’s why, when he discovers Nagi and soccer, he finally discovers a part of himself for the first time and he loves it more than anything. That’s why he’s so desperate to cling to that, why he’s so clingy to Nagi, when Nagi “left him” for Isagi in the second selection. 

In fact, Reo had so much of everything (material) that he didn’t want any of it. Seems a little paradoxical- if you have everything, shouldn’t that just cover everything you want? Theoretically, it should, but think about it like this: what are you going to do with all of that extra stuff? It’s just laying around, something should be done with it. But he didn’t know what to do with it. There’s a point where having too many things becomes a burden rather than a useful tool- and he reached that point. Just because someone is rich, or born rich, doesn’t mean that they are wasteful. They may spend more than others, but it was early on that Reo learned that money was a tool, and he knew he’d better use it well.

obligatory @ss-slep tag

[molecularhomosexual]

i have some thoughts in relation to this, hope it's alright to add on!

once i started at least openly affirming to myself that systems language and multiples language were a useful way of conceiving of "myself", i returned to trying to take deep dives into nietzsche, who i felt would probably have something to say about this (someone in the comments of this post mentions nietzsche and deleuze, though my reference isn't from BGE! it's from a collection of writings from the late notebooks edited by one rüdiger bittner and translated by kate sturge). in said deep dive, i found this:

What separates me most deeply from the metaphysicians is: I don't concede that the "I" is what thinks. Instead, I take the I itself to be a construction of thinking, of the same rank as 'matter', 'thing', 'substance', 'individual', 'purpose', 'number': in other words to be only a regulative fiction with the help of which a kind of constancy and thus 'knowability' is inserted into, invented into, a world of becoming. [...] However habituated and indispensable this fiction may now be, that in no way disproves its having been invented: something can be a condition of life and nevertheless be false. [Notebook 35(aphor. 35), May-July 1885]

i think this quote makes it sound a bit like there is something underneath all the masks: that "thing" is called thinking! though i think that's not an attractive idea to me (it would make out thinking to be a 'regulative fiction' just like 'thing', after all): if thinking is what generates these "fictions" and invents them to stabilize us in a world of becoming, then it's less that the thinking is the real being underneath all the masks, as much as there only are masks: masks beneath masks, beside masks, masks in relation to masks, all of which actualize other forces that are quite unlike masks.

"that is not to say the project of finding your self is pointless, simply that it never ends and it is the searching itself, the desire for the expression rather than the expression itself, that is you. and there are and will be many of those yous, and they will never stop changing."

i like this moment! i like the affirmation that there will be many mes, many masks, that they won't ever stop changing--all this feels quite resonant with my own experience. i think there's an itch in me to go a bit further with the first half of this: why say that the searching for a self in me is, itself, the "me"? like deleuze and guattari would say, it's nice to talk like everybody else once in a while and use language of "selves" and "me" and "you", but if it's a matter of trying to invent a fiction here that works for our bodyminds, why not leave the concept of finding a "me", or the concept of searching for a self being "me"--why not leave these at the door altogether?

or, better than that (because i do find "self" and "me" and "you" useful in many contexts): why not keep stuffing the concept of "bodymind" full to the brim, to the point where it makes no difference whether i say "me" or "myself" or "desires" and "expressions"? i am the masks generated "before" me that are added on to me to form me whether i like it or not--they are epidermalized on the surface of my body. i am the masks that i get to invent, organizations of the signs-particles that form my bodymind in a way where they flee from the forced, epidermalized forms, organizations of my bodyminds that unfold toward a relative freedom and affect anything surrounding them with that unfolding force. i am the different forces--social forces, economic forces, thinking forces, desiring forces--that eventually actualize into the bodymind that moves in the world.

we will never stop changing: both because there will be many "mes" that form, both over time and at the same time; and because there is the fact of the "mes" forming in the first place according to forces that exceed "me". i am in the becoming and the being--but only because being is a moment that forms in becoming. i am in the search and the finding--because even the found is a constitutive element of my bodymind (it just isn't the only one, and it isn't guaranteed to remain the same over time).

it resonates with me (me, that lovely fiction!) when you say that "the [masks] that fit well are more like roles it's fun to sometimes play than they are anything static and certain". i think that the social body requires and needs masks that are static and certain--those make it easier to set up unequal distributions of resources (material, cultural, affective), those make it easier to bring privileges to certain ones by making the others bear the cost of that privilege. even when capitalism sets off great forces of perpetual movement (logistics and supply chains are an example of this), the arrangements of profiteering themselves remain static and certain, requiring certain social personae to keep maintaining the colonial machinery. i think for me, there is constantly politics happening when we choose masks that are more like "roles it's fun to sometimes play"--perhaps i would be more "sane" by repressing the multiple selves within me, but i would also be blocked in my capacities to move and to change, partially in the service of oppressive systems that exceed me.

"am a perpetual assembling and disassembling of forces that bear different and often opposing political intentions" may just be yet another mask that i eventually put aside in favor of a new mask i cannot speak of or conceive of right now, but it certainly feels like quite a useful-because-freeing mask to hold onto for now!

one of the trippiest things about unmasking ones autism/neurodiversity/insanity is that all selves are a mask, albeit to varying extents. the second you think you know who you are, it becomes a story you are telling yourself, and you will pressure yourself to align with it and ignore details to help make it fit. that is not to say the project of finding your self is pointless, simply that it never ends and it is the searching itself, the desire for the expression rather than the expression itself, that is you. and there are and will be many of those yous, and they will never stop changing. certain fictional selves we make (or that society foists upon us) certainly fit worse than others, but the ones that fit well are more like roles it's fun to sometimes play than they are anything static and certain. we are found in the becoming not in the being. in the search not the finding. you understand what im saying