#i can be a loser on my blog its ok
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#huuuiiuuuu i’m drunk and sad#not too sad just a little bit#not too drunk either just a little bit#i can be a loser on my blog its ok#im prolly gonna fla. asleep in >#30 mins#it’s raining outside#i feel like a waterlogged fabric doll in the shape of anpwrson#tmr i’ll wake up early and be productive and i’ll draw#i miss my ocs sm#imma try to log onto character ai again#that marin bot i was training was pretty damn good#this silence is too loud i think i create problems for myself because icant stand the nothing#like o just have a very low threshold for boredom#evwrythjng is too boring and too nothing and it sucks there’s just me hwre#aiaiai
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You see oni is great because it's full of the lamest nonbinary people you've ever met except they're also all just some guy except they're also all massive freaks and also there's more of these freaks that are binary gendered it's just lame freaks all the way down
#rat rambles#oni posting#like even the ones that maybe seem likw they could be cool on the surface are so fucking lame its because theyre all loser ass nerds#every fun fact abt these guys is just yep this is nails theyre a rubix cube champion this is devon they have a blog abt toast#and then they hit you with the fucked up shit and you just stare into space for half an hour processing it all#and by space I mean the space tab in game as you close the database tab after having offhandedly clicking on the new log notification#quinn and amari honeys Im so fuckin worried abt what happened to yall#this is a bit win for me though the number one and only quinn fan#Im sure they would both be horrified and proud of my quinn's existence and acomplishments#oh yeah I finally moved quinn back home I felt kind of bad since the new colony was starting to look rly good but joshua had already almost#died to prepare for this so I couldnt just change my mind last minute#also I accidentally printed two lindsay's since I didn't realize one of my mods kinda broke the prints#but its ok it may be a bit awkward having two of them on the same planet but I can just imagine them as fun twinsies or smth#I actually do plan on making lil designs for all my dupes once Im done as a way of trying to fight artblock#I wanna lean into them being their own lil guys I am ocing the hell out of them#also yes I will be furryifying some of them but not all of them#would you believe me if I said that I did this because of olivia stuff and not because of furry stuff?#the correct answer is no but I do have olivia thoughts regarding this#and I shall proceed to not go into them because its late and I need to shower
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wa
#venting bc i have that freedom on my blog lol#///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////#sick at the thought of my failures as a person#3 years later and i'm still stuck wondering if i'm good. if i've atoned for the shit i've done. and i never feel like i have.#i'm doing the best i can but i feel like a loser and a failure; all i do is sit at home and drown my thoughts with the same 10 yt videos#i feel useless. on top of being scum. i don't know which is worse.#like i don't know what else i'm supposed to do!!! i'm just trying to move on. and i thought i was doing a pretty ok job.#man idk if He's reading (you know who you are) but if he is: i'm sorry. but its your turn to leave Me alone#idk if he secretly follows me or whatever. i fucking see him everywhere though and it makes my stomach flip and fill with bile.#i keep seeing people who look even vaguely like him and it kills me. i have to block strangers because they look like my ex#man. i'm so tired.#i don't want to be reminded of how shitty i was anymore. i want to let go of that shit and i really want to move on#i really want a life and a purpose. but i'm stuck.#i want to melt into the ground and fade away#melt me like a popsicle and flush me down the drain#orignaletti
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Some of you been trying to get in touch lately. That's cool.
If you're just swinging by to say hi and thanks, then what follows doesn't apply to you.
You want me to talk to you though? Some hints and tips (and very common mistakes to avoid) that will increase your chances of an actual conversation or two and from there, who knows.
The best way is to have a blog with some original content. Pics of you, stories, captions, whatever. I'm looking for commitment and authenticity, some skin in the game, some evidence of actual fucking effort. In your message don't just fawn. I don't need that. Be brief, be articulate, be confident in what you like and what you bring to the table and be clear on why you want a place with me, specifically, over any generic black guy or Dom. Job interview etiquette applies and know I get 4 or 5 'candidates' a day. Respect the fact I am a busy guy with a life away from here, several real life submissives, and several more long distance things going on. My girls, gurls and bois are all different, all exquisite, and they all interest me in different ways. It's on you to show me what i'm missing and why I'm going to make time for you. Be a muse, be amusing. Wow me.
So!
If you have an empty blog, don't bother. I'm not interested in lurkers.
If your blog is just reposts of the usual stuff I've seen 100 times before, don't bother.
If you're just going to start contact with 'hey...', don't bother. I'm not interested.
If you're just looking for someone, anyone, to Dom you for the 2 minutes it takes for you to jerk off, don't bother. I'm not a jack off service.
If your blog is full of explicit hard core porn, don't bother - your account will be deactivated soon and you'll probably be disappeared before we start chatting away from here anyway. You don't represent a good ROI of my time. Of the 4 or 5 of you that make contact today, 2 of you will be gone tomorrow, and at least 1 more within the month. Even duvluvv and bangmybully my previous mainstays and inspo on this blog have managed to fuck that up and get themselves banned.
Unless your wife/gf/mom/daughter is hot, living near me and interested in hooking up, I don't care that you wish you could see them suck a cock like a Blacked girl right in front of you. If I can't see it, smell it, hear it, taste it or feel it - if its not actually going to happen on my cock - I don't care.
Outright headcanon fantasists and part-timers who 'don't need to dress up because they can imagine it so well...', hard pass. If I tell you to feminise yourself, take a pic in a certain pose, jerk off a certain way or make a post about something it isn't a question of whether you feel you need that to sustain your little fantasy. It's a question of whether you're going to pay the price of submission to talk to me. If you can't or won't follow simple instruction, then I have no interest in you.
Those of you who confuse sissy with trans, hard pass. Trans women are women. You are not a woman just because you fantasise about being sexually submissive and effeminate around a black man. You're a sissy, a toy, a whiteboi fuckdoll. That's all. If you can't or don't accept that, don't bother. Trans and sissy = OK. Thinking sissy makes you trans = not OK.
FLR, ABDL, Gooners: kittens I adore seeing you relinquish your masculinity and pride to roll around in your own shame and filth. But to be clear: these kinks are your weaknesses, not my interests. I cater to you because my mission is to enable every single last one of you whiteboi fucks to become codependent emasculated bottom-feeders of one kind or another, willingly, done by yourselves to yourselves, stripped of the convenient deniability of coercion. I'm fixing to cook and push good quality junk so you can fuck yourselves up, not share the needle. Definitely not looking to change your fucking diapers.
If you clearly haven't read this pinned note, don't bother.
Stay sticky, losers
D
#loser humiliation#pathetic loser#bnwo#bnwo propaganda#pussy free whiteboy#beta faggot#whiteboi feminization#white beta#beta sissy#prejac#gooning#gooner
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Do you have any hcs for how Clockwork and Jeff would act around each other?
yes!! ok so i think i covered their relationship a good bit on my blog (should be in my masterlist on my pinned post), but i can try to scramble more concepts rn
ok for starters theyre really mean. like 'why are you happy you look fucking ugly smiling like that' completely unwarranted. but its very much like older sibling taunting, but theyre both fighting for role of the older sibling LMAO
i can imagine nights of them at the barn, one of them sick to their stomach from the operator(or the various other infections and illnesses theyd collect) and way too ill to do anything. jeff is partial to bringing clocky a joint to ease the pain, clocky is partial to bringing jeff actual food/water to ease his. theyre def not the type to be affectionate or whatever but jeff would scramble to grab clockys long long hair if he realizes shes abt to throw up. then he'd be like 'jesus christ thats nasty'
theyll sit with an ipod or smth and go through a lot of music together too . . . just a lot of "figured youd like this song" or bringing eachother a CD they found and showing it off.
i could see clocky incorrectly thinking toby and jeff would get along, cuz theyre honestly pretty similar. so she'd get them to connect, and then it would go poorly. i think jeff and toby would TRY to kinda hide their distaste for eachother... sorta
like, toby would just be like 'hes fuckin weird' and jeff would be like 'why do you hang around such a loser' but they wouldnt be like "clocky if you so much as mention his name around me im going to go kill him" . until the nina situation unravels, in which case clockys distancing from jeff anyway
i think jeff and clocky would have a lot of convos about like...
theyre really in similar boats. both got infected with O/S syndrome, both slaughtered so many people under the effect, both feel the symptoms/trauma to this day - but they went down different paths. upon recovering from it, clocky made a life for herself, got a job, hobbies, friends, an apartment. jeff just...kept up with the violence and power trips. lives in an abandoned barn, only friends with a freak ghost kid, etc.
clocky isnt the type to beg but when she sees him years down the line, withering away, becoming worse and worse when she tried so hard to get better and encourage HIM to get better too . i could imagine some tears and pleading there. i dunno . he's kind of a lost cause, though
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thank god we are having the anakin-isn't-hot discussion because the strongest part of hayden's portrayal wasn't his creepiness (which still hit critical levels in aotc) but his incel energy. the way he says "iT'S noT fAiR" when complaining about his hot capable beautiful enchanting master rings in my head 24/7 all day every day. people take the best part of film anakin and completelyy ignore it smh.
anyways that's why i rarely enjoy reading fics with anakin unless they're just pwp because it rarely hits the balance of anakin-is-extremely-powerful and anakin-is-a-pathetic-loser-actually. the power part is necessary because otherwise people tend to act like he's a innocent little meow meow boy who can do no wrong but pleasee do not make him a badass, he got whipped by his master immediately after turning into a sith and unlocking the full dark spectrum of his chosen one powers, let's be fr. AND he lost doing the exact same thing obi-wan did to maul (flipping up over someone who has the high ground), they rubbed in the patheticness.
hes so annoying and so gross lmao. most heat ive ever gotten on this blog was for saying anakin is not babygirl to me hes not a wet cat hes not meow meow, and the people who treat him like that defang him so severely hes a whole new character (for them to project onto lol).
i think anakin does have the capacity to be sweet, but its very difficult to access, especially from obi-wans pov, so i agree that fics have a hard time capturing his weird ass duality. hes a total loser, but he's the most powerful guy in the room. he seems to be vaguely aware of both of these things, but not to their full extent. anakin (real anakin not dave filoni anakin) doesn't seem to revel in being a "badass", and making him like that is weird to me. he does technically badass things to complete his missions, but then he's immediately turning to obi-wan with big wet eyes like did i do good master ?? pls tell me i did good. oh you're not gonna tell me im good ? ok go fuck yourself btw you're sooooo jealous of me.
anyway you're so right. hes a loser and most importantly: hes not hot <3
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Okay so I did a brief digging into the manhwa works of Taejun Pak, the creator of Lookism. I won't go too deep into it all because these stories all are basically about hyper-violence in one way or another, and that's not something I feel I can enjoy. I don't mind a battle story, but Pak's creations are... a bit too much for me. I said how much I disliked Lookism, his more recent works like My Life as a Loser seem to be a bit better, though still not my cup of tea. Though this is obvious that it is because Pak is still making himself out as a manhwa creator - Lookism was literaly his first creation, and it shows as it bears all the marks of a "first project". His later projects seem more focused, more well-handled, more precise in what they try to do. However, I digress...
What I meant to say is that Pak clearly has a certain interest in exploring the various male body types and indeed, as I thought, almost all of his works contain presentations of fat male bodies to various degrees. (Since this post is VERY long, all under cut)
All was sparked recently due to the main character of "My Life as a Loser 2" being a very muscular guy who turned basically obese since the last time we saw him
I already talked a long time ago about Lookism, which started out and maintained this very bad habit of depicting all the overweight characters as... inhuman, grotesque, half-chibified abominations.
Except for this one side characters, originally the main antagonist, then turned sort of side-kick, then co-protagonist? I don't know, Lookism is very convoluted... but this guy who is drawn like a regular person, and does get an entire arc of him losing weight, and then regaining all back and some more, before returning to his usual size. Logan Lee, that's the name. And apparently from a quick image research he at one point loses the fat and get buff? Okay...
Oh yes and you can count the main character who, as he loses the weight, slowly turns more and more human-looking but... I mean come on, that's typical Korean fatphobia to the max, the guy literaly has to slim down to be human.
Well I would have said "typical Korean fatphobia" if there wasn't all those other detailed, constantly shirtless, and shown as strong fat characters that keep popping up in th artists' other works.
Another one of Pak's famous works is "Questing Supremacy" which also has its share of fat characters (notoriously shown here as hard to fight due to their weight apparently? I am relying on the screenshots I could find)
Though it makes sense since most of these series all take place within the same universe, with recurring background, organizations and characters. One of the fat guys is actually a (tertiary I would say?) antagonist that started in Lookism and then returned in Questing Supremacy. Someone did a compilation of how his frames were reused, and you can see the style evolution between the two works)
Viral Hit (also known as "How to fight") also contains some characters with fat on them (though I don't know much about this series), most notoriously Donseok Ok (referred to as "the fat boxer" by some Internauts)
And this guy everybody is crazy over apparently, Mangi Hwang
There's probably many more but, as I said, I probably won't get too deep into this all because... I just don't have the time to explore entire multiverses of webtoons about gang members and bullies beating up each other - no matter how cool or good-looking the fat guys might look. If anyone has specific info, indications or screenshots they want to share, as usual don't hesitate (I think I should open a "Submit" option on this blog...).
And why do I have the strange feeling that someone Pak hesitated drawing fat men early on but as time passes by he just goes all in and takes a huge kick out of it?
I am thinking especially about "My Life as a Loser 2": the main protagonist, after letting himself go massively, returns to the past (though in a different body) and we get to see back his muscular, fit self... Only for this old body to become just as massive if not more as the "future obese" self for reasons yet unknown and unclear (I will be on the lookout for explanations as to how he could grow that big in just a month). If there's no explanation, it's just that the creator wanted to have this fat design for as much as possible...
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chapter 19: mama y papa
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liked by lifearlert, conman69 & 522,976 others
👤 jaegerbomb
planety/n thank u to my mannnn 💋
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sashluvsfood you’re perfect
⤷ planety/n i love you my baby
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ymirrimy usually hate str8 couples but u guys are an exception
⤷ planetyn im cherishing this forever
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jaegerbomb you’re welcome my love
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mikasackerman you’re too pretty to be dating this absolute loser
⤷ planetyn i’ll date you instead mika
⤷ jaegerbomb ????
historiareiss gorgeous girl!! i can’t wait to meet u!! 🥰
⤷ planetyn i can’t wait to meet u ml!! 🥰
user80 MY CRUSH IS IN A RELATIONSHIP NOW NOOOOO
⤷ conman69 it was never gonna be you bro
username connie stay hating but he loves them so bad..
lifearlert it girl
⤷ planetyn i love u bff
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jaegerbomb 🖤
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conman69 i’ve never seen king henry smile this hard
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planetyn we’re so cute
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sashluvsfood so you took my wife??
⤷ planetyn no i’ll always be your wife 🙄
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ymirrimy you’re a twat
⤷ ymirrimy but unfortunately you’re my best friend and i’m happy for you
⤷ jaegerbomb unfortunately??
⤷ jaegerbomb but thank you asshole
username they’re so besties i love them
lifearlert mama y papa
⤷ sashluvsfood mama y papa
⤷ conman69 mama y papa
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⤷ planetyn bitch im a motha!
⤷ jaegerbomb no drama 🤷🏻♂️
⤷ user102 i love them omg 😭
mikasackerman no way you got a gf before me
⤷ jaegerbomb the ladies (y/n) love me
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username IJBOLLL SASHA
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lifearlert eren move ur blocking y/n
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historiareiss she’s everything and he’s just ken
⤷ planetyn LMFAO I LOVE YOU TORI
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⤷ username HELLOOOOOOO
zekejaeger little bro’s all grown up
⤷ jaegerbomb z i’m literally 20??
⤷ mikasackerman you’re a manchild
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🫧
- DOUBLE UPDATE!!
- tried a diff layout for insta chapters!
- also eren using question marks in the comments is lowk funny 😭
taglist <3 : @greeniegreengreen @bakuhoes-bxtch @itzgabz22 @princess-jaeger @marsandsaturn @violenthots @roses-arerosies @conniesbbymama @llovergirlll @iheartamajiki @clipperlighter @liliorsstuff-blog @hoohoohope @akvrae @rinslutz @miniaturelunar @sheluvzeren @shigamiryuk @chamomilespetal @booistoleyou @asp7n @heartz444anna @thatartistshar0n @vintagexparker @tsukkisukkii @venusinx @seeingivy @cyberkitty1 @anitatvd
#aot fanfiction#aot smau#aot x black reader#attack on titan#connie springer#eren jaeger#eren x black reader#fake tweets#shingeki no kyojin#x black reader#anime smau#instagram#sasha blouse#jean kirstein#black reader#luvrrgirl444
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your writing style is a dream of mine, and the pacing & humor in your fics are some of the many reasons i decided to follow you !
i'm trying to write fanfics myself & potentially even run a writing blog! could you share a few writing tips?
you are so cute.
i’ll let you in on a secret: i started actually publishing my fics in 2020, but i since abandoned them because they’re embarrassing. however, here’s one as a starting point. i look back at it and cringe A LOT, but it was my foot in the door, and 15 year old me was very proud of it, so i didn’t want to straight up delete it.
i didn’t start out on tumblr because i get nervous being forced to interact with people because im a pretty abrupt person and i talk about the things that i like too much and im aware that can scare people away. it was about halfway thru writing old habits before i actually posted something. that was this and i posted it because i knew what little audience i had knew ME because i wrote a scaramouche fic. so. scaramouche content.
and because of the tumblr tagging system, people saw it, they liked it, and some people wanted more.
i then interacted with other writers slowly even though i was scared and frankly still am. you dont have to go around asking to be moots or spamming hearts left and right and putting their dicks in ur mouth, but being nice and having a scope around on what other people do on here helped me develop this ugly little blog i have.
i got really into hsr so i write a lot of hsr. i get a lot of people that ask if i could write more genshin impact, and i could, but at the end of the day, it’s my blog, and if i dont want to, i dont have to. i lost interest, so i dont really have to care about it, nor pay it any mind. do i still write it? sure! rarely, but i do. i don’t play wuwa anymore, but im down to write a piece or two if i get an idea, etc etc.
another thing is: don’t write in the hopes that you’ll post it on tumblr. same way i don’t think artists should draw just for the sake of posting. i have so much shit laying on various docs that won’t even be shown on this site, because it doesn’t need to be here. not because it’s bad, or it’s weird, but because i don’t have to post it, because it’s my blog.
the thing is you just be yourself and write whatever the fuck you want. i write horror & weird shit; my audience is probably well aware of that by now, and im not really worried to post anything super weird because its sort of what’s expected of me.
i know horror and romantic cannibalism connotations and yanderes and unsubtle sexy threats is not everyone’s thing, and that’s ok! they don’t have to like what i put out, and i don’t worry about it, because people who like your shit will interact, and people who don’t will not. and people that don’t like ur shit and still interact are losers. hit the block button & move on.
someone is always bound to like your works.
i guess the ‘funny’ comes from the fact that i try to write dialogue how real people would speak. in fictional context, someone like kaedehara kazuha could wax poetry for three hours without stuttering in game, but realistically, nobody can probably do that without pauses, stammers, messing up words, etc. so i try to incorporate a sense of realism into everything, even if it’s a fanfiction in a world where a small boy in white tights is a god and everyone gets tiny little orbs that give them magical elemental powers.
i remember that even though these characters are fictional, i write them as though they could potentially be real people that do things real people do: fidget, stutter, blush, try and be funny and fail, they have problems large or small, etc. you have to mould your personality and writing style to make these characters alive on what you put out—childe seems like a great husband on paper, but is he all that good when he has unchecked mental health problems and has violent outbursts and desires? think about it.
another thing: don’t doubt your skill and prowess, especially in comparing yourself to posts with like 10000+ notes. most of them are note farming bullshit anyway—and a lot of the reader community is more likely to click on porn fics than normal fics. its why the popular posts on the x reader tags are usually porn. it’s half the reason why confiteor is infinitely more popular that old habits when im pretty sure scaramouche is a bigger character on the popularity charts.
strictly nsfw blogs that people make i can guarantee you are a lot more popular than their main blogs.
which brings me to: dont hop on trends. don’t do it. youll burn yourself out. just write what you want. fuck everyone. do whatever the fuck you want. if porn is popular but you’re extremely sex-repulsed or not comfortable, don’t write it. dont write to please people; it’s your blog and your time you’re putting into to do what YOU like, and you’re sharing your work for FREE on a public platform. a lot of people can’t do that. there’s people that follow my blog that openly admit they don’t like yandere/horror/whatever content. am i going to change what i post because of these people? no. not my problem. don’t care. i don’t exist to please everyone, and neither do you. stick to what you like.
don’t write for fandoms you don’t give a shit about just because they’re popular. even if what you like has a small, non-existent fan base, i promise you’ll enjoy writing for that more than something that you’re creating for clicks. notes are nice, but again, you don’t have to post everything you create. half the joy in writing is rediscovering old shit you don’t remember writing for a fandom you actually like. it’s like a reward.
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Ive seen a lot of people confuse me leaving for “people being mean to writers” or getting hate for the things i write of how i write them but its not
But Im not leaving just bc of the audience, i can handle some hate and honestly it was kinda fun from them bc ik that hate comes from jealousy and trolling
Im leaving because of other writers and my “friends”
Ik i said i would get into it and i really dont want to all that much bcuz im tired and just wanna be done with this but it feels wrong to leave under a false assumption and let people think their actions dont have consequences
Ive dealt with a lot from my peers on here, back talking, hating, straight up bullying, and i just cant anymore
I cant deal with drama irl AND on the internet, bcuz at the end of the day i can just delete everything on here and be done with it all so thats wat im gonna do
Tbh this has been building up for a while, i can only handle so much from “friends” and irl i cut people off pretty quick and on here should be no exception but ive fucked up and let people do watever too long and its bitten me in the ass
Yes ik im dramatic lol, ive gotten that a lot and a lot of people hate me for, a lot of people love me for it, its how i am and it keeps things interesting. I get it, i like to make a lot of call out posts. Y? Bc people deserve to be called out and idgaf ab appearances on here. If someone did something bad, im gonna call them out bc last i checked its my blog and i can do wat i want. If u wouldnt do it, thats fine, its ur decision, and this is mine
Yes, i dont post a lot, I. Am. Busy. I have work. I have school. I have a social life. I cant write smut all the time even tho i want to, and at the end of the day, its not my job to write smut all day so people can read it and move on. I like to interact with yall, its fun, i like to talk to a lot of different people on her since my irl friends arent really into anime. Apparently people think im a loser for that? Ok? Sorry i like to talk to people on the internet when im bored instead of producing smut all day for people to read, ig i shouldve remembered im only on here to provide content since i dont deserve to have some fun, my mistake
Requests? Requests r a generosity. So many of my requesters have been absolute angels with being patient in receiving their requests, happy to just see me writing or interacting at all. Others have hounded me regularly telling me im lazy and selfish for not completing my requests, saying im an asshole for not completing them over my own projects bc “they asked first”. LMAO, U WRITE IT THEN???? i dont owe anything to anyone, certainly not someone who comes here solely to read my fics, not even leaving any interaction or encouragement whatsoever, then leave.
The icing on the cake? The tip of the iceburg? Discord of all places. Im sorry some of u didnt enjoy my server, i really am. Ive never used discord before and me and the mods did the best we could and im sorry i couldnt be as attentive to it due to my busy schedule
Im sorry i couldnt get there in time to stop conflicts or just straight up call people out, and im sorry someone had to make another server since they didnt like how i was handling mine bc i didnt take their side in a fight that THEY WERE WRONG IN? But i tried to be nice, tried to defend her and nicely explain y she was she cant say anything they want in any situation bc people get hurt. but it didnt matter. Y? Bc apparently i cant tell people what they can and cant say…
And that made me realize something! Theyre right! Theyre absolutely right and im so stupid for not seeing it until now! I cant stop people from saying things to me. I cant stop people from talking shit ab me. I cant stop people from even saying things on my own blog and server! I just cant. Bcuz in the end, people r gonna say what they want and do what they want bc people dont wanna learn. They dont wanna talk. They dont wanna hear ab how what they do or say affects others. They just wanna do what the want when the want, and they wanna be allowed to, bc fuck everybody else. Everybody is the victim in their own story, and i deserve to be the victim in mine.
And what would a victim do in this situation?
Leave.
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Bye to Wind and Lightning
TLDR: I AM WHINY AND IM GOING TO MOVE BLOGS TO A SMALLER ONE WHERE NOBODY KNOWS ME. EITHER @kikuneesama FOR GENERAL STUFF OR @konohamaru-sensei FOR ANIME STUFF.
Did you know that in 2020 when the pandemic held us all in a chokehold I decided to reread One Piece and Bleach, but consciously decided not to touch Naruto, as if I knew that I'd be sucked in real bad if I read it again? I was right. In 2021, I randomly thought "No, I will read it now" and then I did and boom I talked about nothing else for that summer and to channel my thoughts I made this blog right here separate from my main and not as a sideblog. I wanted to start completely over at a different place.
I had a terrible summer in 2021, constant mental breakdown. I don't want to bore you with the details because you don't care, but just being back doing the stuff I loved when I was 16 was such a blessing. I was truly happy in the first months here, especially with the discord servers and the oc talk and the friends I made. My boyfriend commented on it all the time, that I looked so very happy. And I was! But these things never stay.
The problem with me is, I want community, I want to talk headcanons and to bitch about characters I don't like and promote ships I love and cry and laugh and hug all of you for liking the same things as me and at the same time I'm terrified of rejection, of people hating me, of people spreading lies behind my back. I guess school does traumatise you in some way.
I can't survive in a cutthroat fandom like this one, I take things too personally too quickly. I don't understand that if you, a normal person with your own wishes, likes a thing I don't like or dislike a thing I like it doesn't mean you automatically hate me. You are just a different person and that is ok! It's not you. It's me. NO I'm not just saying that. It really is me.
Did you know that when I started out here I didn't tag my stuff? Especially not my OC stuff (and I still rarely tag it). The fear that someone might find it, hate on it, send me hate, make fun of it etc, sits so deep that I rather have my work not be seen at all. Yet, I need the attention to keep going because without the reblogs and likes and asks I feel like an utter failure.
My boyfriend says I am not good with the public eye on me and he is probably right. I envy those of you who can stand their ground and be self confident in their arguments. I envy those who don't care what others say, who can block and move on, who don't get a knot in their stomach when someone they had nice interactions with unfollows. I shouldn't care, but I do.
On my first tumblr blog I never looked at my followers, I never got asks either or was deep in fandom or anything, but I reblogged my stuff and posted my thoughts and was feeling good. I love tumblr, its the best social media out there for a reason. Yet, with this one, I got so self conscious about my followers, about what I can and can't say. If my presence would offend or not etc etc.
I was kinda looking forward to 1000 Followers because it is an insane number, but now at 997 I'm throwing in the towel. Isn't that like giving up before the finish line? Maybe, but I'm so tired and I want to be unknown again. I want to be nobody again. I want the naruto fandom to move on and forget I was ever here.
So I'm leaving! Sorry, I guess! At least for a good while. I might be back to finish the requests still pending on this account and then disappear again, but I don't know if I'll ever permanently come back. If you by any chance really, really really care about my presence, you can find me under @kikuneesama as a general spam blog with all sorts of things and under @konohamaru-sensei for anime-only stuff. This is also where my Naruto posting will be moving.
If you are a moot I will follow you from Kikuneesama again.
Thanks, I guess, for over two years of hanging out. I'm sorry I am such a lame loser.
One thing is for sure: Though I am moving to a blog named after Konohamaru, Kakashi will always be my love.
tschüss und auf wiedersehen, ~Nisi
PS: I'll q this a couple of times so I'm sorry if you have to see it a few times in the next few days. I swear I'll be gone after that.
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hiii I want to know more about appindex 👉👈
what is his relationship like with the other party members?
How easily does she trust other people?
If they are stressed or upset is there a thing/place/action that is comforting to him?
also anything else you want to share?
(I LOVE her design by the way, their appearance immediately caught my attention. Love your use of color too)
sorry this took me so long i swear when i saw this ask i started squealinf abd looking like this
gonna put it under a read more since um im gonna assume this will get really long lol
disclaimer im gonna straight spill my thoughts sorry if things stop making sense
i made a small comic just for the first question but tumblr doesnt like it for some reason and it prevents it from showing up unless you go directly to my blog :<
anyways i think overall appindex is like a mother of at least 6. companions come to them in the middle of the night like "i frew up :(" that typa thing
since family/clan n loyalty is very important to dragonborn and appindex just lost theirs before being abducted they are very quick to attach to these losers
i think while appin is not under the control of any god, lord, devil, etc they've created a personal hell of his own bc he tries to bear all responsibilities and burdens of those around him bc he's scared of failing and losing too much again. or all he has left really. that can make them kind of overbearing and it would be annoying if like the main companions didn't have issues and lowkey liked the attention.
what does get annoying is that it comes off as appindex not trusting their companions to do any heavy lifting but that improves in like act 2-3 especially since that's around the part the tav is expected to save baldurs gate. and the world like that's way too much weight for appin to carry on their own without breaking so atp they don't really have a choice but to let their companions share some of that albeit verrrry reluctantly
slightly more specific relations ---
shadowheart: shart is the first appin gets close to even if shes older i like to think she's like a little sister to appindex anyways <3 i should just show screenshots of the epilogue conversation bc it feels so fitting. probably one of the only companions to recognize appin's exhaustion and nag her
karlach: close in a years long tumblr mutual type intimacy way. "i'd let my mutuals come inside idc" type relationship. they occasionally sleep and cuddle naked. as good friends do. it's nice having someone they could rely on for literal heavy lifting and hitting bc in appin's eyes the rest of his companions are made of sticks and paper, save for lae'zel. girls who rip off heads with their bare hands and paint their nails in the blood :3
astarion: i do not know how to explain their relationship early on bc it fluctuates in my head. obviously irritated by how appin stops to help anyone and everyone especially since most of those people in act 1 are parents and children. appindex definitely laughs at his lame ass "seduction" bc it's pretty see through; it becomes less about seducing and just aiming making them laugh. appin probably said "im proud of you" at some point and it got to his head now he's vying for their attention and validation (get in line). my white hollow boned elf i'd probably give my organs to if he asked - appin
i think appindex is the more mature one, mentally and emotionally, especially since dragonborn develop and mature much earlier than elves do and i feel like dying young and being under cazador's control stunted astarions own maturity a bit. the result is appindex treating him like a child sometimes; not trusting him to do a number of things, scolding him,"dont treating me like a child" "dont act like one" etc etc. i think at some point he just does it and wears on appindex's extensive patience on purpose because he's a little freak like that :/. appin does not think its cute
ok no more of them next question
i think appindex is pretty trusting in a way. if they feel like they have no reason to feel threatened by someone they'll have their trust but that doesn't mean it can't be lost ofc. which is why they trust laezel and astarion so easily. why would they be scared of a tiny white elf who can't even get them to knife point (he failed that).
he does struggle to trust others to do things for them though, if he were ever to be out of commission or on the verge of it it would be like pulling teeth to try and get him to let someone else lead temporarily.
appin holds onto a piece of kednyr's old blanket bc it still smells like her :thumbs_up: karlach gives her a teddy bear with that piece attached to it as a gift. astarion may have helped but he will not confirm
extra notes ermm appin lived in the upper city, not a patriar or a servant, they just co-run an expensive smithy there.
as a passionate blacksmith (and someone who wants to become an artificer) appin is really intrigued by karlach's engine and wishes they could collaborate with dammon on how to fix it or make her a new one entirely
to add onto that he's extremely fascinated by the grymforge in the underdark its like a theme park to him. it is their nerdiest point in the storyline
they can stay underwater for a good period of time; an hour is their highest time
andd she has a prosthetic leg around age 40-45 sorry this got so long . this things in my head 24/7 rn i tried to omit some things to make it shorter but oh well
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hi S ok you definitely dont have to answer this bc its basically just me venting and its pretty lame haha but im curious if its something you've ever dealt with or if u have advice... basically i have diagnosed ASD and marvel is my special interest and has been since i was a kid and im pretty positive its going to stay my favorite thing for the rest of my life lol. and sometimes i get so sooo sad and kinda lonely thinking about the fact that like .. i know its basically still one of the biggest fandoms out there but like all my favorite fics were posted like 5-10 years ago mostly from authors that arent even in the fandom anymore and theres never gonna be another movie with steve and bucky together that everyone gets excited about and wants to talk about and theres also just so much less of a fun goofy little tight knit community for stucky on tumblr and online like ... idk i just miss so bad when the mcu was at its peak and there was so much content to consume and so many people passionate about it... and i know theres definitely still a huge presence and like im so thankful that youre an author that i love thats still super active and im always glad to visit your page and to see that theres still so many fans out there that care and wanna interact yknow. but tumblrs different now and its been like ten years since peak stucky content and the actors are all doing their own thing now idk it just makes me sad 😩😩 i feel like such a loser saying it i swear i have other interests and an irl life that is very fruitful and lovely hahaha its just makes me a bit frustrated at my autism because i know i wont be able to ever really stop loving these characters even as others move on
Hey, sweets!
I understand what you mean and you're not a loser, not at all. It's fucking great to have an interest in something, anything--what else is life for? You gotta have something to be focused on and interested in that gives you joy, otherwise, what is there? Just blandness. And, yeah, Marvel fandom is still very much active and that's wonderful and great! But, it's also true that it will never be the same as it was in its heyday. Personally, I wasn't around when the stucky fandom was exploding along the release of CA:TWS/the general MCU height, but I certainly see all the old art, edits, cosplay, etc. that's still reblogged and I've read so many of the fics from years prior, so I have a grasp of what was happening. And I can totally see how you'd miss generally, but especially if your fixation has attached deeply to these characters.
I have a sibling on the autism spectrum (who's old enough to have been diagnosed with Aspergers's syndrome before that was phased out but they are, of course, on the spectrum regardless of arbitrary hierarchical labels that I will restrain from ranting about because I fucking hate that shit, don't talk to me about "high functioning" ugh) and they have a few different life-long hyperfixations as well. So, you're not alone, but, it is hard to think of any actual advice per se. I think you're already doing what you need to be doing, y'know? You're here and enjoying what is going on now, connecting to blogs that are active, finding space where you can talk about these characters, you've got other things to do that also capture your attention, and, of course, you know you're sad about what isn't going on anymore. It's okay to be sad. You can't control what you're passionate about in the same way you can't control who you fall in love with. Are these silly little fictional characters not just people we've fallen in love with a little or a lot, no matter if they don't "exist"? I love that for us. Humans are so cute and full of love.
Fandoms and people change and sometimes it fucking sucks when it happens, sometimes it's great. Either way, it's part of the ecosystem of life. Water and nutrients and air and sun--it makes people change, it makes them grow, and you're allowed to be sad about what they used to be, you just have to keep growing, too. Remember what they were and know who they are now.
Hopefully, something in there helped you feel better, even if it was just from telling someone how you feel.
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hi. I'm really sorry and this might be annoying but I just don't understand what am I doing wrong so I ask you and it's okay if you choose not to answer it. I've been in this community for 2.5 years and have done everything, literally everything, all the methods, subliminals, affirming persisting, scripting, everything, every mindset, but nothing has happened. I never manifested anything. Nor I shifted. I woke up in the void once a year ago but I wasn't aware that I was in the void so no point. I just feel at this point that maybe I am actually a loser in everything and in this as well cuz I can't even manifest like wtf. I'm thinking of stop trying altogether now because its not taking me anywhere but still idk a hope for the life of my dreams stops me. Where did I go wrong? Is there anything atp that I can actually do?
First of all, you haven’t done anything wrong. It’s not possible to do anything wrong when it comes to the law.
And what makes you so special that you’re the only one the law doesn’t work for?
And you’ve probably heard this a million times before but you don’t need subliminals, methods, scripting or any of that shit. Sure it might help some people, but everyone’s journey is different. I cannot tell you what you can and cannot do.. so I’m sorry i don’t have the answers..
The law can only ever work in your favor because you are all you need. You don’t need to try anything. Everything you need is inside you. I’m probably only telling you what every other Loa blog would. But it’s the truth.
I read somewhere that you have to look at the 3D and 4D as a computer. The 3D is the screen. It shows you everything you see, but the 4D is the inside of it. It’s the CPU (processor) . And the screen can’t work if the CPU isn’t working.
Im sorry if this isn’t the answer you were hoping for.. And i also hope you the best on your journey. And please don’t give up. All you need is you.
Also, it’s usually when you stop looking that you find what you’re looking for. This isn’t supposed to be tiring. So take a break. You’re allowed to feel human feelings and feel hopeless. It’s ok. Just don’t give up hope altogether:)
#void#manifesting#shifting#void journey#lucid dreaming#void state#lucid#shifting community#reality shifting#shifting realities
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dashboard simulator
👯 crows-on-a-log
guys im literally undergoing a crisis right now can anyone hear me
#my dad goin craaaaazy #he stole the lightbulbs out of my ezbake oven for the fifth time :( #vent post #delete later
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☠️ williamaftonshugepersonality 🔁
😶🌫️ boypenis Follow
MEDIA DASHBOARD SIMULATOR
😃 blogname-here
did yall see the new episode......... glopp sploinky was sooooooooooooo
#im normal about him! #<- blatant lies #media liveblog
(24 notes)
😼 discourse-haver Follow
i just dont see why we have to portray every male character in Media as female....... cant we just leave them male, as the creators intended? lol
🪴 rational-thinker
what world do you live in that people are being forced to hc male characters as female????
😼 discourse-haver Follow
youd understand if you were a fandom elder like me.......
🪴 rational-thinker
your blog is a month old
(104 notes)
😚 trustedmutual 🔁
👙 cup-size-tournament Follow
glopp sploinky propaganda:
he's literally just a cisgender man with 5 minutes of screentime
Woman McAwesome propaganda:
she has a canonical rack, she's a lead character, she's super buff and could crush you, she has an interesting arc and her emotional narrative factors into the main plot in impactful ways
#vote glopp sploinky!!!! #GLOPP SPLOINKY SWEEEEEP!!!!! #thats my husband! fuck woman mcawesome lol
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🖌 supercoolartist 🔁
🖌 supercoolartist
made a little doodle <3
if you dont reblog my art ill kill you btw <3
#self rb for the morning crowd #glopp sploinky x blorbo C #gloc fanart
(12 notes)
Based on your Likes!
😈 guy-you-have-blocked Follow
hey anyone want to hear the worst take of all time as shown through a low-effort meme that i stole from reddit?
(127,363 notes)
😚 trustedmutual 🔁
💝 fandomroyalty Follow
i would let woman mcawesome step on my face
💝 fandomroyalty Follow 🔁
10k woman mcawesome hornyposting
#happy woman mcawesome hornyposting wednesday
(11,560 notes)
#long post #dashboard simulator
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🍊 the-real-onceler
all im saying is that homestuck is actually a modern epic poem a la gilgamesh the oddesey the journey to the west etc. essay below the cut if you want me to cite my sources
Read More
#onceler essays #i literally wrote my thesis on this
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🤡 puns-are-for-losers
goncharov ebby deepy glup shitto blorbo old man yaoi vanilla extract post simulators tournaments tumblr live homestuck 2 barbenheimer. we didnt start the fire
656,099 notes
🦋 axels-random-blog 🔁
🌹 girluterus Follow
what if weevils had tumblr
👤 burrowing-for-goodies-deactivated-2024
guyssss i just found the juiciest tomato to chow down on.... hmu for my location in the garden
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🐛 evil-weevil
attention garden dwellers!! do not eat the fresh produce in the southwest corner of the garden!! the humans just sprayed insecticide on them, so if you eat them you will die!!!!
🪲 carapace-is-popping
wtf this is blatant misinfo..... my buddy @burrowing-for-goodies just ate some tomatoes from the southwest corner and hes fine. youre just hoarding bro its so obvious
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🪲 carapace-is-popping
hey ummm has anybody seen @burrowing-for-goodies recently? hes not responding to dms. im going to go look for him
🍃 random-bugg
op is your friend ok? what happened?
🪲 carapace-is-popping
hopital
4,506 insectoid notes
🔴 girluterus
what was that
10,041 notes
🔮 the-wizard-hatter
she fireball on my small enclosed space til i TPK
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💀 longdeadking
do you guys think post simulators have gone too far
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Can I just say I appreciate your blog so so so so much. I have always struggled with my weight and lately I feel even worse because I’ve gained some. But my mental health is in the freaking trash so instead of cooking tonight I’m going to chick fila because I hardly have the energy to shower let alone cook. Anyways I just find comfort in your fics so just wanted to be a loser and pop in to tell you 🩷
Definitely not a loser!
I love hearing stuff like that because trust me I get down to when it comes to my appearance sometimes especially my face. When I stress I break out and I feel like a teenager like ugh!
But, my love, it's ok. You are beautiful inside and out and you go get that chick fil a! I usually order a burger when I'm low and have no energy with thick fries I can dip in ranch.
If I've learned anything from years of diets, watching my parents diet, and seeing society diet... its dont deny yourself. You want chick fil a, go get it mama! It's all about moderation. Everything is honestly. Dont feel like showering? That's ok. Get a wet rag and run it over yourself or hey just do it tomorrow.
Dont wanna brush your teeth? Gurgle some mouth wash you good lol your peace and happiness are all that matters, my love.
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