#i broke my nail and it hurts
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It's amazing how much music influences writing, isn't it?
I use a lyrical quote at the beginning of every fic I write, oftentimes that quote spurred the entire brainrot.
But that's art, isn't it? we emulate our inspirations naturally, and I personally think that's a beautiful thing. Rather than art being a singular lonely entity, it's a web that connects the human experience spanning across thousands of years.
That might sound like an exaggeration, but it's not. Humans really have been in this loop since the first art appeared on the walls of ancient caves - inspired to create, creating to inspire, and on and on it goes.
That's what fanfic is at the end of the day, interpreting characters inspired by their canon selves from art that someone else created. It's all just part of the web, connecting us, and bonding us through expression.
That's the point of fandom, to connect, create, bond, and build friendships from shared love of these characters and all the silliness.
Don't forget that. Seems some of you have.
#fanfic#marauders era#random thursday rambles#make fic wierd again#be so unserious#i broke my nail and it hurts#i didnt mean this ramble to devolve i was just gonna talk about musif#im too lazy to fix that tag typo#left field brainrot#fandom things
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My nail broke from the middle of the nail bed while I was making a friendship bracelet wtf
#It hurtssss#Like I was making a bracelet for my self and I look at my nail cuz it hurt and it fucking broke#Thankfully it barely broke but still
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cursed to keep having inconvenient injuries that make it hard for me to draw
#its nothing serious I just broke my nail really bad#it hurts to hold my apple pen so back to paper I go again </3#i might go back and reblog old art in the meanwhile#memos
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The PlayStation blew up? As in literally blew up? What the actual fuck?
We had a big storm and lightening took out both consoles and the internet modem 😭 worst part is in January 2021 we had a big storm come through and it blew up the ps, 2 TV's, my computer, the modem, set top box, the printer 😭 we have really bad luck....... tropical weather !!
#also my nana died on wednesday and ive badly hurt my hip and i broke my nail today#its been a really bad week 😭#but yeah when i told my homie he was like NOT AGAIN??#and i was like 😭 yeah again#zeus has beef with me
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I need to go into the woods and scream.
Edit: too late he has volunteered me to present I am so fine I just need to get through tomorrow I can do this I am so sexy and smart and cool and fine not at all crying
#ra speaks#personal#grad school#unfortunately it’s a bit late in the day for my local sites and my remote site is an hour drive I don’t wanna make just to scream at the top#of a mountain. so I am confined to screaming in tags#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAA#my advisor might want me to present my work tomorrow and I. I am going to have to tell him that I Don’t Want To#for a variety of reasons#not enough spoons. not prepared. slightly closer to a stress breakdown than I want to be.#can cry at a moments notice. it’s cold and my bones hurt. stressed abt my mom’s sudden onset epilepsy. having a bad dysphoria week.#I’m prepping to do my first round of inoculations. I need to check my sites irl for the first time in months. I broke my nail today.#you name it I’m having it this week and I do not want to present tomorrow.
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I am the nail growth self saboteur!!
#random post#guess who rammed their hand in a wall and broke off the literal short nail on their hand?? this guyy#I’m prone to ramming parts of my body into things. it’s comical really#like a week ago I somehow bashed my hip into a drawer handle. because that’s how I roll 😎#it hurt bad enough to shock me into silence </3 I got scraped bad enough for my parents to go ‘GASP. PEAA!!!! WHAT DID YOU DOOO???’#read that in concerned parent voice if u would#it’s funny when I get hurt or do smth bad and I’m asked why I’d do that. like we both don’t know I function like a scarecrow brought to life#and learning to walk with no bones or muscles HHFSCREE#it’s fine now pain only hurts in like the first few moments and then it’s chill#got off topic there but anywayssss yea :> I’m just glad it was the one that was already broken an not a longer one#I’m surprisingly optimistic I’ll have u know. contrary to popular belief#adhd moment but do u ever think how we’re the first generation that will grow up and grow old on the internet?#do u ever think about what that’ll mean for us? or what it looks like? will there be a time when we just don’t log on ever again?#I also sometimes think of the internet graveyard. the millions of accounts that are no longer used either by choice or by some other#circumstance like passing away. I think we’ll only know when the future generations see a post by someone with a date 100 years in the past#these aren’t negative thought they’re just thoughts I have. a negative thought would be me wondering who will tell the world I’m gone so I’m#not waited on. obviously that’s not a problem I hate to worry about now but then intrusive thoughts do be intruding. anyways yea when I’m#gone at like. 80 (?) I’ll release my creations into the wild for people to do whatever with. it’ll be like an intrusive species lmfao my#impact on the world will be fucking up the online ecosystem forever#ok I’m done rambling now lol did you know I was holding a muffin while typing this entire thing? one handed I might add!! the chaos can’t#be contained no matter how much adderall u pump in me
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#hi gonna vent#broke my nail like 30 min ago to the point of i’m bleeding and my whole finger hurts#but i can’t cut it down so it doesn’t get caught on everything bc i don’t have a nail cutter#and anyway my nails are thick as fuck it’s so hard to cut them down i have to file them usually#and i can’t go buy a nail cutter bc fucking hr is in our office and it looks bad to leave this early anyway#pray for me idek what i’m gonna do my whole finger hurts
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bruh the problem is having long nails and when my nails break I have a hard time writing </3
#bc my pinkie nail is usually really long#and when I write w a pencil it digs into my palm#so I get used to like adjusting around that#so it doesnt hurt when I hold a pencil#and I broke my nail yesterday#and now its hard to write bc it feels wrong#bc my nail isnt digging into my palm#rambling#phever dreams with phantom
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the thing no one tells you about getting old is that you’re going to have an ever increasing list of weird ways you managed to hurt yourself. today i tweaked my neck while baking
#i have also hurt my back while carrying shopping#and i broke a nail on the dishwasher#don't ask me how
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New nails done. Actually I made them last Thursday but didn't have the energy to post a picture. Yeah, i am that lazy. My little troll chose me to do them and he was right. 😍
A little update on my toe. I don't think it's broken but it still hurts but not as much as the day I hit it. Im just a bit worried if I will lose the nail or not. It leaks a little wound fluid (i don't know it thats normal or not) and hurts if you press on it, but it is not swollen or red. I lubricate the nail with nail oil because I hope the nail will absorb it and hopefully heal and not fall off. If it doesn't get better, I'll have to go to the Health Center and ask them to take a look at it. But me and the toe are hanging in there. 🦶
#personal blog#momlife#personal#mumblr#momblogger#my random thoughts#i hurt my toe#new nails#nail broke
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Just. Venting cause idk where else to do that.
#this has genuinely been the hardest 24 hours of my whole life. im dealing with a massive depressive episode in which i destroyed my skin#broke all my nails off and stopped giving a shit#i slept in makeup and applied more overtop#cant be assed to do anythung for myself but im trying and pushing abd trying to make other people feel loved because there are so many good#things and people in my life. they deserve to feel loved abd appreciated abd im lucky to do so#yesterday i helped someone in my store and gave them love and care and helped them because it makes me happy to do so only to find out#theyre my dads new gf and they came in looking for me to tell them my dad misses me.m#its been five years of no contact with my dad for my own reasons and i feel absolutley fucking gutted and betrayed. i feel shaky and#anxious. my whole body hurts abd feels tight and tense and i feel fucking scared to be in my own store#how could anyone do that? go into my place of safety abd stalk me and hold onto me and gaslight me#oh you’ve been dating since december? my parents were married for 35 years. good for you. my whole fucking life changed because of a#selfish man and i am so fucking happy you’re enjoying my dad#he was my best fucking friend and now he means nothing to me because of his choice to disrespect me#i am nothing but collateral damage#how fucking dare she. i dont know how to cope with this but i am so scared and i just needed to write it out#if you made it this far and actually read all of this i am so sorry#what did the janitor say when he came out of the closet? supplies.
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FUCKKKKKKK I HATE THIS PLACE
#i jussst sat down afyer 2 hours of moving non stop bc this place hates only me#5 secomds later another package hits the ground fuck off im not getting up kys#eye contact#my back and hips are hurting something different#i have no bags now. my nail broke clean off#my last batch of bags were wet so now my legs are wet. and cold#my pad isnt up far enough#im ignoring all those packages that just missed the bag while im typing this i need a breather. sheesg
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God it really is a heavy day today. I almost want to scream.
#personal#fucking hell#I miss you#but I shouldn’t#I can’t#and there are so many different emotions when it comes to you#for so many different reasons#I can’t talk to anyone about that tho#or well no one except my therapist but man that feels…. not great either#and even more than that it just hurts#and I know it’s selfish and cold but if I don’t miss you then it won’t hurt to say goodbye#I couldn’t bare not telling her the truth and I had to fight tooth and nail to fix what I broke#I didn’t have to put part of myself away but I had to put away the feelings that prompted that discovery#so those feelings were put on a shelf#and now things are so much better so wonderful honestly#but in the corner of my eye is that shelf#and I just don’t know what the fuck to do with it when it still aches
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𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐓𝐋𝐘 (𝐔𝐍)𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐅𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋
- sylus x reader
master and servant. man and his right hand woman. you and sylus are labeled many things, but does love exist in many labels of your relationship?
genre/warnings: 18+ suggestive content—minors do not interact!—angst, fluff, unrequited love, explicit smut, fwb, jealousy, hurt/comfort, description of major injury, blood loss, gore, assassin!reader (not l&ds mc), spoilers! takes place throughout long-awaited revelry
note: my very first love and deepspace fic! :') w.c 5.2k ! i have a severe brainrot omg tagging @sanriosatoru per request <3
Everyone knows of your relationship with Sylus.
The leader of Onychinus and his notorious lady assassin, you two strike fear into his foes and allies alike. You are as deadly as you are beautiful, and that's more or less why he keeps you around.
What everyone doesn't know, however... is that behind closed doors, you too share his wealth and his bed.
“I don't mind to spend the whole night with you,” he’d whisper in your ear seductively at nights, deft and veiny hands roaming your body all over. He often made you ride on top of him, dark burgundy eyes hazed with lust, knowing full well that you desired the very same goal he did.
And you’d respond his hunger with the same fervor, crashing your lips into his, your tongues intertwining, your hips moving vigorously against him.
“Ahh... ah!” Before you knew it, his cock—thick and long in size—slid inside you in such a snug fit, making you throw your head back and dig your sharp nails into his skin.
“Keep me going with your voice, kitten.” Sylus growled, eyeing your wobbling lips and tightly-pressed eyes as he sank even deeper inside you. “Yeah, just like that...”
Sylus always began roughly, seemingly not minding your breathless moans and wishes, and you liked him that way too—
“Is this... all you've got?” you panted in a hoarse voice, sweat lining your neck and forehead, the coil in your belly tightened so deliciously each time he thrusted into you. “Surely... y-you can do better...”
“Ha,” he gave a low snort, his red eyes blazing as he grabbed your bum and squeezed it, making you gasp. “Careful what you wish for... sweetie.”
And then your vision literally tilted upside down��Sylus gladly flipped your position so he could see you even better. This way, he also had even better access to you, intertwining your hand with his, spreading your legs wide so he could rut into you.
“—!” Breath was knocked out of your lungs as immeasurable pleasure washed over you, crashing and receding in an instant. You almost screamed as your back arched.
He broke into a satisfied smirk. “Let it out,” he murmured against your neck, biting gently into your skin, voice muffled. “You never hold back with me, do you, hmm? So, don’t start now.”
“You b-bastard...” you looked up at him with a breathless smile, knowing how close you were to losing your wits.
He simply made your nights worth remember. His allure was undeniable, with a voice that was naturally sultry. And his hands... fuck, they did heaven's work.
It didn't take you long to finally reach your climax, and once you did, your moans were the nastiest all night as you continuously lined his back with scratches.
You could feel how he was chasing his own orgasm all the while, before pulling out right at the last minute and made a mess on your belly, falling beside you.
“Tired?” Sylus’ chest rumbled with laughter as you laid sprawled there in a haze. His eyes narrowed at the sight of your burning cheeks. “I really like this look on your face right now.”
You rolled your eyes, catching your breath and shivered. “I bet you tell that to all other women you manage to lure to your bed.”
“How presumptuous.” He sent you a sour scowl. “I have a high standard— you should consider yourself lucky.”
Well, you do. Holding back a smile, you changed the topic. “I’m cold. Clean me up already.”
“Now, now… what a spoiled little thing you are…” Sylus chuckled, his voice deep and low, yet wrapping his arms around you nonetheless, hoisting you up.
Nights of passion. Mutually beneficial relationship. Nothing more and less.
No strings attached.
This is thrilling. Intimacy without commitment is more than enough to spice your checkered life. After all, what could be better and more rewarding than fucking the hottest man in N109 Zone and getting away with it?
At least, you thought so.
. . .
“Damn, you’re going to make me sore…” you grumbled, letting out a deep sigh as you sank into the sheets after he had cleaned you up, still basking in the afterglow and ready to drift off to sleep. “Ahh...”
Sylus’ lips curved into a wry smile as he watched you make yourself comfortable on his bed, slipping on his black shirt. “Well, I’m just that good, and you did ask for it.”
“Are you going out?” you asked in a small voice, teetering between sleep and wakefulness as you noticed him taking out his favorite gun. “It’s midnight.”
“Luke and Kieran said she has arrived.” Sylus said in low voice, not even sparing you a look. “After all, she has gone through all that trouble to come here, it is only right that I greet her myself.”
The woman. Sylus had told you several times, how a woman with Aether Core and powerful Resonance Evol would eventually come to N109 Zone. And that when the time came, he would make her resonate with him.
A part of you didn’t really know what to feel about this vague plan of his. “Will you bring her here too?”
“I’ll have her stay here until we have reached resonance,” he responded casually while shrugging on his coat.
Sylus valued others depending on their worth. He said it so himself—he isn't a philanthropist. He saw potential in your evol—the Speech Manipulation—which is why he rescued you three years ago, even after you had swung a blade to his throat.
This time must be the same. You played with the edges of your hair. “Well, consider me jealous then. Seems like I’ll have a rival soon.”
Your quip finally caught his attention, as he finally turned to you, one side of his mouth upturned.
“Ha.” Sylus strolled over to where you lay on the bed and placed a hand under your chin, letting out a throaty chuckle. “Is there even anyone brave enough to go against you?”
You shrugged, trying to look nonchalant. “We shall see about that.”
Little did you know, the coming of this new girl would be the start of the undoing of your mutually beneficial relationship.
You would've expected the woman bearing Aether Core inside her to be way more interesting than that clueless, weak and easily spooked hunter from Linkon City.
But your and Sylus' definitions of interesting clearly differed though, as you caught him smiling after he pulled the most outrageous stunt on himself— having her shoot him right in the heart.
“She is funny,” he said to himself, almost snickering even as you wiped the blood off his toned body. “She was shaking so much the moment I pulled the trigger.”
“Is that your only finding—” you snapped as you wrapped the bandage around his bare chest, fuming. “—after shooting yourself just to mess with her?”
Luke and Kieran told you how he had used his Evol to pull the hunter girl onto his lap, then handed her a gun and made her shoot him. You couldn't believe it at first, until the sight of Sylus staggering to his bedroom, his shirt bloodied and clutching his chest made you almost scream in horror.
“Is that really necessary?” you scowled, tightening the bandage with more force than needed. “Or are you just trying to get her attention?”
Sylus’ sharp gaze settled on you then, seemingly not taking your comment well.
“What’s got you so worked up about this, hmm?” he asked, a smirk playing at the corners of his lips as he observed your cross expression. “Last I checked, we agreed not to get involved in each other’s personal affairs.”
Personal affairs, he said? Everything you two had done had long past breached all personal boundaries.
But the fact remains that you two are nothing more than—
“Fine.” You tied the bandage abruptly and about to storm off, making no effort to conceal your ire. You couldn’t say you were worried or that you hated seeing blood smeared across him. That was never in the agreement.
Until you felt a hard tug on your arm—
“And where does the angry kitty think she is going, hmm?”
Before you could discern it, your back was pressed against the wall—your left arm pinned beside your head, with Sylus filling your view.
His sculpted abs were right in front of you for the taking, his scent permeated the air, and his unsettling swirls of crimson eyes had you completely captivated.
“Have I ever told you that you look beautiful when you’re angry?” Sylus laughed as he leaned in, gripping your chin with his other hand. “If I didn’t know you were more than capable of slitting my throat in my sleep, I’d want you to look at me like this every day.”
It struck you how your heart raced wildly under his intense gaze. With his perfect face so close, the only sound that seemed to be most prominent was the pounding of your own heartbeat.
“What’s wrong? We’ve been closer than this,” Sylus taunted with a wide grin, his breath warm against your ear as he pressed his body against yours. “What’s making you so nervous?”
If you knew anything about Sylus, it was that he took pleasure in seeing you squirm in his hold. You glared daggers at him. “I hate you.”
“How lovely.”
“You’re infuriating,” you spat, devoid of any amusement.
He barked a satisfied bout of laugh once again, before releasing your chin. However, to your surprise, that very same hand groped your chest roughly—
“Then perhaps...” he hummed, a wicked glint in his red eyes, whispering to you with sultry voice right before he pulled you into him and devour your lips in heat: “You can help to fix me, sweetie.”
His kisses were hot as his tongue and hands made his mark on your body. Pressed against his bare skin, you gripped his strong, broad shoulders as he lifted your legs to his waist.
As always, he managed to dissolve all your lingering thoughts with lust. You just never knew one day you would finally reach the last straw though.
. . .
"Are you going out again tonight?" you muttered, tracing your fingers along his abs as you lay in his arms, still a bit giddy after your passionate session.
"No, I'm sleepy," he replied quickly, his voice low as he pulled you closer and closed his eyes. "Go to sleep already, kitten."
"I can't sleep."
"Poor you. I can though."
You quirked a frown at him. "You're so annoying these days."
"Oh?" Sylus cracked his eyes open, a smirk on his lips. "If you find me so disagreeable, you can always make me obey you, no?"
Your speech manipulation could make people do your bidding and it was a pretty useful talent. Apart from the first day you met Sylus three years ago in the wasteland of N109 Zone, you had never tried using it on him again.
"I won't, you idiot." You sighed and turned away, your back facing him. The idea of bending him to your will somehow didn't sit right with you. It was against your conscience now.
"Why are you facing away? It's freezing," he grumbled almost in a petulant voice. You nearly rolled your eyes, until you felt his strong arms wrap around your middle from behind.
"Why are you hugging me? We’re not usually this touchy after sex."
"I'm telling you, I'm cold, and you're my heat pillow."
"You're so damn insufferable..."
Despite your sharp retort, a smile found its way to your face. Moments like this were rare, and when he was the one seeking you, you couldn't help these butterflies in your stomach. Still...
You two are not in love, dammit. Sometimes it confused you a great deal. What is love anyway?
“Caw, caw, caw!”
“Mephisto, shush.”
Sylus’ robotic pet crow had surprisingly taken a liking to you shortly after you began living in the base. He obeyed your commands just as he did with his owner. The same couldn’t be said for Miss Hunter though, as Mephisto seemed to have a strong dislike for her.
You were idling at the living room with the crow when you realized how close it was to dawn.
“Luke, Kieran,” you called to the twins, who were bickering over a crate of oranges, frowning. “Where did Sylus go?”
Both stopped and looked at you, and Kieran blurted out, “Boss? Oh, he went out with Miss Hunter!”
You supposed you shouldn’t be surprised, but you were nonetheless. “And he still hasn’t come back?”
“Ah, yeah... but I think they just went on a short errand. He’s probably back or already on his way?” Luke mused, and you clicked your tongue.
It irritated you, it gnawed at you—how Sylus had been spending so much time with that hunter these days. He was trying to make her resonate with him, but still, the way you saw it, he was going through his playbook—
Just as he had done when he pursued you.
Calling her “kitten”, “sweetie”... everything he did with her seemed like a replay of the first year you spent in this place.
Deep down, perhaps you had hoped that, in some way, Sylus would see you as you saw him. Love might be out of reach in your bleak existences, but you at least wished he would consider you an irreplaceable presence.
You were petty, and you knew it.
“Mephisto,” you whispered to the cooing crow as it turned to you pliantly. “Go find and bother her, okay? Don’t let her out of your sight,” you added, letting the bird fly away on your command.
Deciding to rest in his room, you left the living room with a sense of exhaustion. You had stayed up for Sylus on a whim, as he had promised to share his plans for the upcoming auction soon. However, sleeping at dawn was giving you frequent headaches, and the habit was wearing on you.
You took a bath and then headed to his bedroom, and you would have never guessed what scene you'd walk into—
Sylus, in his bathrobe, and that girl… nestled against his chest on his bed. The very same bed where you two made out just the other night.
“Y/N?” Sylus looked at you over the girl’s shoulder, and you were frozen on the spot, feeling an indescribable rush of emotions washing over you.
In the next moment, the hunter girl scrambled away from him in panic, her face flushed with shame. “I-it’s not what it looks like! I swear! Sylus— I was just trying to find his brooch and—!”
In that instant, something inside you turned ice-cold. Her frantic explanations—none of it registered to you. The fact that he let her into his bed was enough for you.
You weren’t sure if Sylus noticed, but your eyes darkened, your fists clenched, and a storm raged within your chest.
“Sorry for intruding,” you said frostily, cutting her off and casting a contemptuous glance at both of them before turning on your heel and slamming the door shut.
It was no use, you finally realized. In this twisted relationship you two shared, there could never be anything more than hot sex and flirtations.
Somehow it hurt more deeply than you expected, as though your heart were being scorched. Yet, you couldn’t even find the tears to cry—as you weren't allowed to do so.
Sylus noticed the change in you immediately.
You vanished from the base and returned in the evening, not sparing him even a look and he could tell then that you had come back a different woman.
And it was the part he hated the most. These days, he couldn't read you at all.
"Luke and Kieran, keep an eye on her tonight," he instructed his two underlings as the two of them were getting ready.
"Who? Miss Hunter?" Luke questioned.
"Or boss lady?" Kieran supplied.
Both of them liked you as well. Unlike him, you’d spend your free time indulging their nonsense, and over time, they even gave you that friendly moniker.
They didn't really know the nature of your physical relationship though. Or at least, didn't really know fully.
"The latter," Sylus gruffly replied, and then he went to the hunter girl to prepare her as well.
He had a justified explanation. If you had asked him, he would tell you nothing had happened. Your ire was better than silence, definitely a hundred times better than this.
But why didn't you come to him?
And why does he want you to come and demand him for an explanation?
However, tonight was the auction for the Aether Core. He had to finish this first before he could get a word with you later.
At least that was what Sylus had thought... until he saw you at the auction venue.
You were stunning in that black cocktail dress. He didn’t know when you had your hair done, but you looked as if you had spent the entire day preparing for this occasion despite having barely two hours after coming back. You were definitely a head-turner, drawing the attention of many vermin as you navigated the ballroom with grace and everlasting smile.
And it grated at him. Severely. Sylus's eyes were locked on each lowlife hell-bent on taking his life and desperate to get into your pants, knowing he would end them all tonight.
...and as if it wasn't enough, he then saw you entertaining one of them with that sort of smile you used to reserve for him.
. . .
"Mm-hm, really?"
"Yes, I've heard they are inside the safe number 209."
You coyly smirked, looking the man with mask in front of you, whom you had led to a deserted hallway, who had been complying and smiling at each and every question of yours.
"Thank you then." You flashed him your best smile, about to go back to the main hall.
"And uh, miss," he suddenly turned to you in a flurry. "I believe I haven't gotten your name—"
You chuckled, facing him again. "Oh, you want to know my name?"
"Very much so!"
This was like bread and butter to you. You effortlessly wrapped an arm around the man's neck, standing on your tiptoes, and whispered in his ear:
"Halt."
He went rigid the moment the command left your lips, and you could feel his panic rising as you pulled away.
"W-what happened—!?" he thrashed against the invisible hold manifested by your Evol in pure panic, to no avail, whereas you regarded at him with a cold smile.
"What a shame. I planned to let you be, but then you gave me the perfect opportunity." You maintained your eerie smile as you pulled out a thin, needle-like blade from the hem of your dress. "You have been a great help. Thank you."
With that, you slit his throat, and blood splattered onto the ground in a continuous pool as he jerked, collapsing like a broken statue.
You felt nothing at the sight, but you knew you weren't alone as you felt his presence.
"You started the party without me?" Sylus' deep voice resonated through the hall. "Didn't know you have that much of bloodlust this early, sweetie."
The clench of your heart was still there, even when you had decided to discard all your lingering feelings for this man. Still, you put on the perfect poker face when you met his eyes.
"I want this to be over and done with quick. I'm exhausted already."
Sylus eyed you calmly, yet somehow it felt as if the depths of those red eyes were trying to assess your soul. "Your actions said otherwise. Is flirting with him necessary?"
"You're one to talk, Boss," you scoffed at the last word. "As long as it entertains me, why isn't it?"
Sylus didn't deign you with an answer, and you decided to pour more oil into it.
"Strictly professional, no?" You lifted your chin defiantly. "Last I checked, we were not supposed to meddle in personal affairs—"
You didn't realize it until he did, because the next thing you knew, his right eye suddenly glowed with that terrifying shade of crimson. "You—!"
He has seen it all. In the three years since he took you in, Sylus had never used his Aether Core-infused right eye on you to peek into your mind. The first and only time it had happened was when he restrained you from attacking him on the day you first met.
This was the second time. And now, he knows. Of your petty feelings, of your deepest, truest desire.
At first, Sylus remained silent, but then his eyes narrowed at you, low voice booming through the hall.
"Jealousy is unbecoming on you, Y/N."
And after all that he knew, that was the only thing he could come up with?
You felt shame wash over you. You wanted to run from him. This was too much because he most definitely didn’t reciprocate your feelings, did he?
"I don't want to hear it," you resolved, the space around you felt constricting all of a sudden. You walked past him, about to break into a sprint—
Sylus immediately caught a hold of your arm though, sending a glare at you. "You—"
"It ends here," you blurted in heat. "I don't want it anymore. We're through, Sylus."
"Listen to me!"
He snarled at you, and it was the very first time he did so. However, you paid him no mind and pulled out your ace card, staring hard into his eyes. You could feel the start of his black and red mist, but your Evol was faster—
"Move."
His hold on you loosened, and he jerked back several foot away from the impact. You kept your manipulation on him, avoiding his fury-blazed eyes, bolting away before he could catch you.
. . .
The night escalated so much worse than you had imagined. Explosions and a sudden appearance of an Arbiterwings threw the whole auction into chaos.
You were fighting off the sudden wave of wanderers alone, relying solely on your blade since your voice was too hoarse to use your Evol. When one of them struck you and sent you crashing into a wall, you just sat there in a daze.
It was exhausting. Usually, Sylus would be by your side, covering your back at the very least. He wouldn't let a single scratch get to you. His black and red mist of doom would dominate the battlefield, offering you protection while at it.
You loved that bastard. It was so beyond stupid. Why did you have to ruin everything by having these feelings? If your heart was gone, would these feelings go with it too?
You got your answer sooner than you thought.
White-hot pain engulfed you when something impaled you right in the chest. The searing agony was mind-blinding, the only thing you could discern was your own wails.
No, the feelings didn’t go. Even as you teetered on the brink of death, that damned love only evolved into many regrets.
And in your final moments, you could've sworn you felt the exact moment your heart stopped beating.
"Oh my god! Luke! She is here!"
"Kieran...! Is she alive?!"
"So much blood—! Luke, call Boss! Call Boss here!"
"Boss! We found her!"
"What do we do?! Shit! It's right... in her heart..."
"What!? Boss! S-she is...! Oh lord..."
You had a dream, and it was of your first meeting with Sylus.
Three years ago, in the wasteland of N109 Zone, you were a mere scavenger until he found you. You had thought he was a threat much like others in this lawless city, so you unwittingly showcased your Evol before him in defense, until he pinned you down on the hard ground, crimson eyes holding you in place.
"I'm giving you two options: go with me and live, or die here in vain," he had told you then, a smug smile on his face. "I assure you, so long as you're still useful to me, you won't have to worry about food or roof above your head ever again."
What kind of homeless person would refuse that tempting offer?
Since you followed him, Sylus had never been untrue to his word. He made good of his words, idly engaged you in his circle, showered you with gifts, and at one point—
"You're... trying to tempt me, aren't you?" he growled amidst kisses, pinning you on his desk. Apparently, seeing you up close and personal every day in his home had worn down his patience. He was just a man, after all.
You wickedly giggled, even breathless, cradling both sides of his face and admiring those ruby eyes of his. "What if... I am?"
"Then consider me tempted, little kitten," he chuckled, his baritone voice casting a spell over you. "Remember though, curiosity can kill most cats."
Thus began your thrilling relationship, and you knew you would gladly stay with him just to have a taste of that heaven. And you knew too, he wouldn't cast you easily this way.
And of course, so long as you are useful to him, that is.
When you came to, you felt warm, and your position was so comfortable that you were almost lulled back to sleep.
At first, it didn't register to you where you were. The scene before you was so familiar, but you were so lethargic that you were late to recognize it.
"Awake?"
Sylus' bedroom. The realization dawned on you as that deep, low voice questioned you flatly. You jerked instinctively, looking up at him as he came into view, holding a glass of wine.
He was still the same. Even with you out of commission, he would still indulge himself with his wine. Somehow you couldn't really pinpoint what you should feel about it.
However, Sylus then did the thing you didn't expect him to. He went back to his pantry to get a glass of water, and then he came to your side to prop you up.
"Drink," he commanded, positioning the glass on your chapped lips. You complied and did so, feeling relief for your throat. Once you were finished, he gently laid you back on the bed and tucked you in, never once taking his eyes off you.
"How are you feeling?"
"Have been better," you quipped dryly. Then it dawned on you that he had never been this gentle with you before. He was showing care, which confirmed one theory you had about him: Sylus could be considerate when he chose to be.
The very fact that you ended back here didn't really faze you much, because in the end, you belonged to him out of all people. Just one thing that still didn't make sense in your mind: "What did you do?"
His burgundy eyes squared at you. "What?"
"There’s no way I could've survived that," you mumbled, trying to gauge his reaction. "You must’ve done something."
“Ha, when it comes to these things, you’re sharp,” Sylus said with a light scoff, and you frowned.
"Answer me."
"Aether Core," he supplied. "It was now in you, repairing your coronary system."
"You..." you were rendered speechless. "You—what? You infused my heart with a Protocore...?"
Just like the one in his eye, he had implanted you with that dangerous fragment that was from something as horrific as a Wanderer. The very thought made your breath hitch.
"Stay calm," he commanded, his hand found yours when he noticed your horrified expression, squeezing it as if to provide some sort of reassurance. "You'll be fine."
"H-how... why..."
"That was your only chance, or you would’ve been dead." Sylus' tone was harsher now, his jaw set firmly. "I keep telling you not to rush in carelessly, and yet you did. Did you even know how bad your state was when I found you? No, you didn't."
The way he spoke made you feel as though you were being blamed, and overwhelmed with your frustration, you retorted sharply, "No one asked you to save me."
Awkward silence lingered for a good one minute after your jab. You turned away from him, feeling conflicted, because you knew you should be grateful that he did so, because it meant the Aether Core inside you now was the one he had been looking for in that auction.
He gave it up to save you.
Still, it confused you.
“If I died...” you began, bitterness creeping into your voice. “Then it just means I’m no longer useful to you. You always discard things that no longer serve your purpose.”
You turned back to him, meeting his impassive gaze. “So why? Did you pity me after discovering my feelings? Is that why?”
There are many labels in your relationship. Master and servant. Onychinus leader and his right-hand woman. But you were also his lover, even unsaid. Was that fact that did it? Or a mere charity for the weak, you?
Suddenly, Sylus placed his palm over your chest, right where your heartbeat pulsed. You stiffened, bracing for some sort of impact.
But no, it wasn’t anything sensual like he usually did. His hand—large and warm—was a comforting presence, resting on your chest and feeling the steady rhythm of your heartbeat.
"Haven't I told you that I never act out of pity?" Sylus' voice was strained but softer than usual, his deep burgundy eyes holding yours. "Do you really need me to spell it out?"
You didn't dare to look away, for the moment of truth was right in front of you.
"My only regret is not being able to pull you back," he said quietly, his tone somber. "I shouldn't have let you get hurt."
Oh. You blinked, taking in his sincere words, something inside you softening and warming at his words.
You had noticed it too. Despite his roguish exterior, he had always looked after you during your time together. It was just that you hadn’t dared to hope for more.
“The naughty little kitten has managed to worm her way into me, it seems,” he chuckled then, flashing you that cocky smile. “So now, she has to be held responsible for her actions.”
His red gaze narrowed as he added. “Moreover, since I have saved your life— you owe it to me not to throw it away so easily. So you can’t rush into danger carelessly again, you hear?”
Those playful remarks were enough to dispel your doubts and insecurities. They answered everything you had been questioning, and knowing it, finally you let out a relieved sigh and exasperated snort. “You shameless bastard...”
And when he leaned in to place a fleeting, innocent kiss on your forehead, you realized that, in his own way, he saw you just as you saw him, even if only a little.
Sylus settled into the bed beside you, wrapping his arms around you and letting your head rest on his arm. Tonight, there were no passionate kisses, no steamy foreplay, or dirty talks— just you being alive and well in his embrace.
“How long have I been out?”
“Three weeks, woman. Luke and Kieran keep mourning you everyday.”
“Three weeks?! How did you manage without me for that long?”
Sylus glanced at you, a contented smile on his face as he held you close. “It’s been horrid.”
Neither of you would be caught dead saying “I love you”, and yet, regardless, you knew that right this moment meant so much more.
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Guys did you know that if you drop your laptop and it falls corner-first into your toe it is extremely painful? Bc it is
#MY TOE IS NOT BROKEN BUT IT STILL HURTS AND I LOST PART OF MY NAIL AND I HAVE BLOOD BLISTERS BOTH ON MY CUTICLES AND UNDER THE NAIL AND#ITS A LITTLE SWOLLEN AND PART OF MY NAIL BROKE OFF. HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE#night speaks/a voice from the shadows
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i;m having the worst sensory expeirnece of all time i 'm gonna be sick
#i broke one of my nails and there's a piece which is like hanging on right down on the nail bed#i keep catching it on things and every time i do i wanna throw up it doesn't hurt it just feels disgusting#but i can't cut it off it just physically can't be cut off any more#and i hate wearing plasters on my hands they're so gross#so i suffer
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