#i block every person i see doing this shit it's just Jesus fucking Christ bro

[iholli]

adding: if I see one more post from people whose entire personality is using Vivziepop as an excuse to shit on artists literally for designing their own characters how they want. holy shit

dawg if I see one more Twitter post from people whose entire fucking personality is hating Vivziepop. we fucking get it dude go outside

[protagonistheavy]

Got a new computer so I can play DBD again after a two week break. So, I'm new to both Pinhead and the new mmr system.

Wow. Both these things just suck shit. : \

The survivor experience is just terrible. I played upwards of ten games and each one just felt way worse than usual. The only good game I had ended with the killer disconnecting, so that's a great sign. Every other game was deeply unfun for at least one reason or another. The worst was a Doctor that had to tunnel, camp, and noed his way to a 3k + disconnect... Jesus Christ. I spent like eight minutes NOT playing a video game because I spent the entire time getting camped, then slugged (because he wanted to wait out the DS I didn't even have lololololol love these mechanics), then rehooked, shaking off tier 3 madness, and then getting mori'd. What a god awful experience. And no other game was significantly better -- except for one Pig game, but that doesn't count because, yep, they were just throwing and looking for boops.

It's bad out there man and it's personally depressing because I was sooo looking forward to coming back to DBD. : ( I guess I can still give killer a try, but I can't BELIEVE how much joy got sucked out of the survivor experience for me -- incredible, considering how unfun survivor could already be. But now I just really do feel like I'm making the game worse for myself if I'm not running the meta perks, there's NO space for even a little error.

At first I heard complaints about the new mmr system, and I heard counter-arguments to them saying "you don't have to care about winning so much, just enjoy the game." yeah well. except. you can't really enjoy a game when shit like this is happening lol. Like how am I supposed to enjoy the game... if part of my enjoyment is being able to at least SOMETIMES escape a killer? What if I LIKE to run some non-meta perks? Like I'm not saying "wahhh I wanna win every game" but I AM saying that I'd like to not feel PUNISHED for not playing hyper optimal. Seriously, this matchmaking just feels terrible! I'm literal bottom rank and I'm going against some of the best killers I've EVER gotten... At what point should my mmr be low enough that I'm getting killers I can fairly go against???? It feels like I'm constantly the dead weight being added into the lobby to counterbalance better survivors, it's so frustrating.

And god. Pinhead. This, is just bad. I seriously just groan when I hear that fucking box noise at the start of a game. This is, by far, the LEAST fun killer to go against I think. I guess maybe Hag could be worse, but jesus christ, 90% of this guy's power is just automatic. The fucking box is WAY too strong. Can anyone explain to me what the optimal approach to this shit is??? You see the box, you know SOMEONE has to go get it, but without comms, you don't know who is and who isn't going for it, which makes the whole team super inefficient. You'd think to go get the box immediately, but isn't it smarter to wait it out until the timer is almost up? If you want to stay efficient doing other things for as long as possible, it's better to IGNORE this thing until it starts becoming a problem basically. If no one gets the box in time, then everyone just starts getting slowed down and pulled off gens constantly without any way to stop it! How fun!!!!!!!! Sucks for you if you're in the middle of getting chased, because now on top of his fucking guided missile chains that he controls, there's just MORE chains coming after you nonstop. Oh you grabbed the box, like you're supposed to? Cool! Let's drop your item tee-hee-hee : ) and make you solve this puzzle box for like 10 fucking seconds w/ skill checks! Oh and all the while, a chain hunt is on you uwu!! So you keep getting ripped away from the very thing youre trying to solve! Oh and you never get a chance to ACTUALLY solve the box, lol no you fucking moron, because Pinhead can just IMMOBOILIZE YOU MID-SOLVING AND TELEPORT TO YOU FOR FREE. Are you a shitty killer player that can't find survivors? Then come play Pinhead, who just reveals survivors for free and gets to warp right to some of them! Nope, not because of any ACTIVE ABILITY he actually CONTROLS or EXPRESSES SKILL FROM, no you fucking troglodyte, it's entirely because his passive box shit just forces you to play a whole different game that's EXTREMELY frustrating to trudge through. Oh and guess what happens when Pinhead knocks down the survivor that had the box? Oh well instead of doing a weapon wipe animation, he picks up the box and solves it : ) which triggers a chain hunt to immediately begin! Wow! I'm having so much fun that for the sake of my health I need to go make myself more depressed to balance it out.

This is so absurd and not even getting into his add-ons that just make him even LESS fun; the chains that can injure you, and the one that makes the box almost impossible to see until the chain hunt starts? I'm sorry but what the FUCK? I'm genuinely getting the point where I sincerely wish we could just hard block certain killers lol I can very well see myself just DCing as soon as I hear it's Pinhead. This isn't fun, sorry Behaviour, but you wildly fucked up with this one. I think the most offensive part is the fact you have to drop your fucking item to solve this shitty box. That's just so cruel. Why does it have to be like this? Just let us keep our item bro! It's so unfair that in order to face a killer's base mechanic -- which they don't even manually control!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -- and have to, HAVE TO, MANDATORY, you have to drop your item, KNOWING you're never going to see it again since Pinhead is going to teleport and chase you away! Jesus Christ, can we at least balance this out? Can we make it so you can't solve Jigsaw Boxes if youre holding an item? Can we make it so Legion's Frenzy attacks make you drop your item? I fucking HATED this mechanic with Nemesis, and that's LEAGUES more tame than Pinhead's stupid shit. At least when I set my item down, I'm not expecting Nemesis to outright TELEPORT to me because I used the fucking item he makes me have to use.

And hey something else that just pisses me off as a Pig main. Why doesn't Pig get ANY vision or advantage against someone who removes their bear trap? Hmm? Nemesis gets a killer instinct when someone uses a vaccine, Pinhead gets to see their location AND ALSO choose to teleport DIRECTLY TO THEM, so why can't Pig get SOMETHING?????? Oh would she become OVERPOWERED if she got a killer instinct on someone who removed a hat? Mind blowing how fucked up their killer design has gotten. Imagine what Pig would look like if she was released in 2021 -- absolutely she'd have some way more bullshit mechanics going on. She'd get aura vision on anyone solving a box; anyone she knocks down for the first time automatically gets a hat placed on them rather than her going through a weapon wipe animation; that timer would just start instantly, no fucking waiting for a gen to pop; no slow down at all while stealthing, in fact she just stealths passively after a few seconds of not attacking; if you fail a Jigsaw skill check you get injured. I'm not even exaggerating much when I say this is what Pig would be like if made today.

Yeah I think this mmr shit needs a rework, and Pinhead, wow, I dont even know what to say. Maybe Pinhead would be better if he got toned WAAAAAY the fuck down. Chain Hunts are way too fucking oppressive, the chains that appear need to be like 50% less frequent. And instead of making the box an item, it should just be an interactable object that you go up to, progress a bar, and solve. Remove the fucking chain hunt on the box holder, take away Pinhead's teleport, just let Pinhead get killer instinct on whoever solved it.

I really hope he gets reworked to something more fun. This really just sucks to go against and doesnt feel like any other killer. Please, man.

[kareofbears]

persona 5 royal: my thoughts after finishing it five minutes ago

disclaimer: the only reason im writing this is because 1) i have a lot of thoughts and feelings that i need to write down and if i dont ill explode and 2) i want to be able to find this when p5s eventually drops so i can compare my thought processes. if you do not agree with what i’m going to say, that’s cool! just block me or ignore this post. 

now for the sake of sanity, i’m going to try and narrow down this entire list into chunks because this’ll probably be very very long and very much about me just screaming about stuff that i liked, loved, and don’t like. i will be spoiling both the original persona 5 and persona 5 royal, obviously, so i hope you finished both!

1) Akechi

so yes. Goro Akechi. Everyone’s favorite murderer. I’m going to by spewing a lot of hot takes, and this is probably going to be the spiciest: i am in the most intense love-hate relationship with this brown haired antagonist because jesus christ is he a complicated son of a bitch. I know i’ve complained in the past about how much Atlus often struggles with utilizing a character well, but that does not at all relate to Akechi in any way, shape, or form. 

I’ll say this now: He is a character I genuinely, truly hate, yet he is the one I want to hear from the most. He is someone who is a bad person (yes, he is a bad person) but whenever he comes on screen he makes me sit up, he makes me pay attention to him because that’s just the aura he exudes. He is a character who i would never, ever waste my time defending or justifying his actions, but every minute joker spends with him is a minute i want to stretch out as long as possible because he is just that good of a character. He is interesting, he is well defined, he is smart, he is clever, he is sassy, he’s a motherfucking asshole who’s never had a vibe check in my life and i still hate him. Goro Akechi is what Star Wars wanted Kylo Ren to be, and that allegory may not make sense to many people but it works for me so i’m saying it. It’s to the point where writing akechi in a fanfic makes me sweat because in my opinon capturing the essence of akechi is near impossible unless you know what you are talking about (i do not mean that in anyway to discourage people from writing him, im just saying that I am a coward because i will never be able to write a good akechi). Anyway, bottom line is: i despise him but my eyes are always glued to him at all times.

back to the main point-- Atlus absolutely nailed this character and every single addition they put in for Akechi. I’m so damn thrilled that you actually have confidant hangouts with him because every single time you talk to him, it services not only the plot, but it perfectly does what it is supposed to do: it makes you like him, but also leaves the player slightly unnerved. they do it so casually that I might have trouble explaining it, but bear with me: everytime you hangout with him, he always does or say something that unhinges you just a little bit, it leaves you asking ‘wait why?’ or ‘but how did you know that’ or ‘why are you saying that?’. akechi is constantly playing mind games with you. and not only that, adding backstory to akechi (moreso than in the original) is just fucking fantastic. he’s always been a fully fleshed out character but after playing royal, goro akechi actually exists in my mind, and i still hate him (but also i dont. but also i do. anyway)

2) the ending

just finished the game and this is the point where i am at odds with p5r for the first time. the ending to p5, in my opinion, was flawless; everything was perfect and had meaning. from the shot of akira being shown to not wearing glasses anymore because he no longer feels the need to wear a mask (character development: he was very unhappy at the beginning of the game and now he’s happy with his friends--i love it), to his friends being the one to drive him home (amazing, he left his home town and came to shibuya alone via transit, and one year later he’s now leaving with all of his best friends in a van they rented just so they could stay with him as long as they can--it’s perfect, i love it), and also all of them seeing how large and infinite the ocean is (because now there’s unlimited options for them because they all have a new perspective on life). 

But....none of that is there in p5r. it feels impersonal. no one drops him off at his hometown, he was still wearing glasses, and there’s no grand metaphor about what they all achieved. 

Now, i am not a (complete) moron. I know why they had to change it: it’s because of persona 5 scramble (i think). they wanted to set up a plot for the next game and i feel like thats the reason why persona 5 royal’s ending suffered for it: they were too focused on the next plot that they forgot to focus on the sentimental ending for p5r. don’t get me wrong, seeing akechi in the train station absolutely made me lose my shit and made me scream at one in the morning, but i think they lost the core meaning in doing the other stuff. i did not like the focus on maruki and kasumi (will be talking about them later), cause i feel like it took away from the ending, and i also didn’t like the fact that the whole joker outfit in the reflection thing (but i will be letting it slide since it was during the after credits anyway). So while i do love one (1) new aspect of the final cut scene, i still adore and stan the one from persona 5. 

3) the entire last semester 

i’ll be quick: the final palace? the best palace. fight me. it’s fantastic, it’s innovative, it’s interesting, and most of all, the palace ruler is actually the best one in the entire game and i know i wont be the only one to say this. maruki is not a villain: i know for a godamn fact that im not the only one to say that i almost agreed with his deal of allowing the reality (damn i almost agreed twice) because why wouldnt you?? it’s literally a perfect reality! the only reason i didnt agree is because i knew the game wouldnt want me to agree and would force me to have the bad ending! anyway, i love the last section so much. the palace design is interesting, the antagonist is brilliant (who doesn’t love a morally gray antagonist?), and finally, the payoff of kasumi happened and it made me silent for ten minutes. the entire reveal of her being sumire and kasumi being dead is just so genuinely shocking to me that it nearly broke my neck.

what actually broke my neck was the initial incident for the third semester. seeing everyone in this wild alternate reality made me so unsettled that i literally got a stomach ache. i saw morgana as a human and nearly passed out. shiho in the underground? wig. ryuji saying he’s on the national pedastal for running? literally my eyebrows just popped off my head. fucking WAKABA? FLATLINED. brilliantly executed and i love the initial akechi and akira buddy cop movie vibes in the beginning it was just so fun. 

one huge part of the third semester for me though, was of course, akechi. seeing him completely throw away his ‘charming ace detective’ speil was the most refreshing and interesting and not to mention, hilarious part of the game. he does not give a fuck about anyone and he is not afraid to let you know. he is the biggest savage and the most insane person on the phantom thieves group. he’ll roast you, he’ll roast your boyfriend, he’ll roast fuckin anyone and it’s fantastic. not to mention his dialogue is killer: he says the most bat shit insults ever and my favorite example is when you go up to him near the end of the game, you know, to hangout with him and be a nice guy, he just does not hesitate to say ‘what, you came just to see me? just the sort of brainless sentimentality i’d expect from you.’ i LOVE IT because why the hell would he try to be nice? the jig is up, he’s got nothing to hide. and he owns it. atlus seriously nailed akechi in this last semester and it’s brilliant and i love it.

4) everything else 

- one small thing that pissed me off in both games (but especially this one) is how many godamn fake out deaths there are. Morgana has one, Akira has one, Ryuji has one, Sojiro has one, Maruki has one, motherfucking Akechi has two. it just hurts me!

- sumire is an amazing character who has depth and she is lovely and my biggest complaint is that it feels like atlus shoved her in. like, she feels like a new addition to the game, you know what  i mean? maybe its because ive played the original p5 first, but you know, it’s not a big deal. but i love her so much

- on the topic of sumire, i cant say that im completely super duper happy with how different she felt from the other thieves? im sure that’ll be explained in p5s but she just got so much screen time that it just truly made me confused?? maybe im just a horrible person, or that’s just a really hot take. but anyway, yeah maybe im bitter because i really wanted to see extra hangouts/school trips during royal, but didn’t really.

-baton pass? literally orgasmic. it made turn base battles so damn fun and the addition of darts and billiards made me foam at the mouth it was SO SMART AND INNOVATIVE AND I LOVE IT ATLUS I LOVE YOU ATLUS YOURE SO SMART SWEETIE

-small thing, but making spells like ‘dormina’ actually useful just made the game so much more fun and dungeon crawling became something i truly, genuinely looked forward to

-being able to give gifts to my bros? absolutely incredible. thank you. side note: seeing akechi happy from giving him a multi vitamin cracked me up. side side note: giving ryuji a fuck ton of weights and him just smiling made my heart so happy i love that boy so much

- ah this game just looked so GOOD! i thought the original looked good but they really went all out. im not kidding, the smallest details in everyday life or even just normal cut scenes were out of this world. especially stuff from the third semester its just OOF good JOB atlus i love you buddy

-ahhh thieves den! how can i forget? i love it. at first i was a bit iffy with it since it really felt like persona 5 (undoubtedly the biggest game atlus has created) was just jacking itself off. but as time goes on, it became a huge addition to the game and seeing characters’ insights and extra lines of dialogue became super duper interesting and a highlight of the game for me. and don’t even get me started on how much i love love love the photos they added of them hanging out! so lovely, a bunch of them made me tear up

- i know it’s literally impossible, but i feel like the game just forgot that akechi is a person who can wield multiple persona and i just wish that could’ve been messed around with during Palaces

- showtimes are so, so crazy and i get so embarassed whenever they play on my tv because they are just outlandish and unashamed but i love them so so much it just defines persona’s personality 

-because i love ryuji: i prefer the final conversation you have with him aka ‘whaddya mean? you’re there’ but there’s still a lot of really tender and sweet moments like akira genuinely telling him that he’ll miss him, and also the fact that ryuji wants you both to send each other your times through the exercise watch so you can still race ahhhh i love him so much yall

so, overall, this game is better than the original p5 because of the extra content we get. if persona 5 was the perfect dinner, persona 5 royal is that same dinner and you get to enter the dessert buffet. it’s brilliant, it’s smart, it’s hilarious, it’s heartwarming, and it’s undoubtedly my favorite game of all time without exaggeration. while i do prefer the final cut scene (and final dialogues with some characters) in the original persona 5, in the overall experience, persona 5 royal is superior in my mind. i would willingly get amnesia to play this game again. 

I didn’t get to cover everything, but this is definitely most of what i wanted to say. if you actually get to reading all the way to the end, thanks! it means a lot. i hope we can all enjoy persona and look forward to persona 5 scramble together :-)

[the-arg0naut]

A Song For Every Moon

soulmate auuu where they hear the thoughts in their soulmate’s head! anyways i wrote this in collaboration with @you-call-those-glasses and!! yes!!! (also i forgot to post this for like three weeks shhhshshh)

also blood tw! its not big described but its there so Yes

~~~~~~~~~~~

Well this certainly isn’t ideal, now is it?

It all happened so fast. He was on set crew for the school’s various shows, he always was. So it was expected that he knew his way around the various machines used for set, yeah? Usually, yes. But today was just not Virgil’s day at all.

First, he had to step out of class first block due to a panic attack caused by some stupid freshmen who thought purple was a “girl’s color,” (Who gives a shit, it’s just a color. Last I checked, colors don’t have penises or vags.) Then, Logan had to take lunch to their math class to make up a test they missed so he had to sit alone-because god forbid he go up and actually talk to new people (They’re all looking at me, I’m all alone and they’re staring at me and calling me a loser). 

And then he gets to set construction, the one place he truly does feel safe, and secure, and comfortable.

And Grant just had to yell something from across the shop to him, when he knew he wouldn’t be able to hear him with the saw running.

He had turned to try and make out what he was saying. Kept feeding the wood into the machine. Didn’t even notice when his hand went just a little bit too far past the guard.

Honestly, he didn’t feel anything. Not initially, at least. Just a bit of weird tingling in his left index finger, something warm yet cool at the same time over the rest of his hand. A bit of a loud noise when the machine forced itself off, but he had earplugs in anyways, so it made no real difference. 

He only realized something was wrong when Grant started screaming at him, yelling something, good lord what’s all this yelling for-

Well. That’s quite a bit of blood. I didn’t even know I had so mu...

He barely had looked at his hand, barely had time to think a single thought before passing out. Blood and all really isn’t so cool when it’s cascading down your hand and onto the piece of plywood you were previously trying to cut.

He faded in and out of consciousness for a little while. Caught glimpses of things. Grant and Brandon carrying him out of the building. Flashing lights. Latex gloves. 

He came to in the ambulance, two EMTs and Grant beside him. He registered that his hand hurt, jesus christ my fucking hand hurts, good god, can’t they give me some drugs or something-

Drugs? What would you need drugs for? And what do you mean, your hand hurts? Oh goodness, this has to do with the blood you mentioned earlier, doesn’t it? 

Whoops. No one had thought to contact Logan, his soulmate. They must’ve heard him when he saw his hand, and promptly passed out. God, they must’ve been so worried, just a mention of a shitton of blood and then nothing, can’t even imagine-

Yes, it was very worrisome, and even more so when you wouldn’t answer my phone calls. What the hell happened?

Just a… bit of an incident with the table saw.

Table saw?!

Calm down, it’s got that cool thing where if it senses, like, warmth or flesh or whatever, it forces itself to turn off. Breaks a bunch of the parts inside, but- oh god, James is gonna be pissed, those parts aren’t cheap-

Virge, I don’t think how the saw’s doing is what we need to be worrying about right now. How bad did it… cut you?

No idea. I passed out after seeing all the blood. I never got a good look at it. I could ask the paramedic next to me.

Oh good, you’re in an ambulance, at least you’re getting treatment. Yes, ask them, and then ask which hospital you’re going to.

Will do, love.

He turned to Grant and the paramedic currently busying herself with a bag beside his head.

“Hey, Grant. Hey, uhhh, I don’t know your name, paramedic person,”

“My name is Annabelle.”

“Cool, hi Annabelle. So, uh, how bad’s the damage?”

“Well, we’ll be able to better tell exactly how much got lacerated when we get to the hospital, but from just getting it cleaned up, it doesn’t look too bad. A cut maybe half a centimeter in on your left index finger.”

“Cool, I won’t lose my finger. Where are we heading, by the way?”

“Since your friend here let us know that you’re still 16, and legally a minor, we’re headed to B. Major Children’s Hospital.”

“Grant, how dare you snitch on me.”

Grant only tentatively chuckled. Dammit, he blames himself.

Huh?

Grant. I’ll explain once we get there. We’re going to B. Major Children’s.

I’m on my way. What did the paramedic say?

Nothing awful. Just a cut on my left index finger. Half a centimeter, she said.

Okay, good. You had me worried that you’d lost it or something.

Nope. It lives to do homework another day.

Does it still hurt?

Like a mother trucker. Hurts like a buttcheek on a stick.

You’re insufferable.

You know you love meee.

Yes, yes I do.

I’m gonna ask Grant what’s eating him. See you in the ER?

See you in the ER.

“Hey Grant?”

He startled a little bit, having been staring off into space. “Yeah V?”

“You alright?”

He looked away again. “Yeah. I’m fine. You’re the one who nearly lost his finger.”

Virgil laughed. “Oh, hush, you heard the paramedic. It’ll be fine.”

“Yeah…”

Virgil sat up some, looking at him. “Hey, dude, it wasn’t your fault. I was the one who turned away from it.”

Grant continued avoiding his eyes. “Well, yeah, but I was the one who distracted you. If I hadn’t tried talking to you with the saw on…”

“Bro, it’s alright. I don’t blame you. Just think of it as me testing out the saw’s safety feature. We know it works!”

He finally laughed some. “Yeah, but I’d rather that feature not have to be used.”

“So does the school. Oooo, and James. Imagine, the one day you’re not there, one of the kids gets his finger nicked by the table saw. I’d hate to be him right now.”

“I’d hate to be him any day. I mean, the guy drives a Volkswagen Beetle. A damn Beetle!”

“Man, imagine. Tragic.”

“Truly tragic.”

~~~

They pulled in to the ER not long after, Virgil awake, talking and laughing. The doctors got him in his room and began assessing it. Virgil looked away, not particularly wanting to pass out again. He tuned back into his/Logan’s thoughts (it was hard to tell the difference sometimes), only to hear a stream of frustration from his partner.

...stupid bureaucracy, the hell do you mean, “I have to wait,” my boyfriend got his damn hand caught in a table saw! I think that counts as urgent enough, and I’m practically family at this point, which doesn’t even matter to them because either you’re blood related, married, or complete strangers by their standards-

You’re rambling again.

I’m aware. These damn receptionists won’t tell me where you are, because you’re in the ER and I guess I’m not close enough related to you to go back and see you…

Lo…

...which is stupid because some people don’t have blood relatives that can or want to come visit them…

Logan…

...which means that some poor patients here are probably all alone because they won’t let their friends go and see them-

Logan Sanders listen to me or I’ll come and find you myself!

...that would be preferable.

It was a threat, nerd, and anyways I can’t even move, they’re sewing it shut.

Did they at least give you Dilaudid or lidocaine?

I’ll guess those are painkillers?

Yes, and Dilaudid is a highly addictive painkillers, which is why I hope they didn’t give you that and just used a nerve block like lidocaine-

Lo.

Sorry.

They did numb it with something, not sure what. Either way, it’s numb, but I can still kinda feel them messing around over there. I am choosing not to look so I don’t pass out again.

Yes, don’t do that again. Radio silence from my boyfriend isn’t exactly a pleasurable experience.

Doesn’t exactly sound like it.

One second, the receptionist is talking to me again.

I’ll be here.

Quiet for a moment. You usually don’t think about the words as you speak them, which Virgil found  little annoying, because it meant he couldn’t hear what Logan was saying. It was a couple minutes before Logan popped back into his head.

She finally told me where you were. I’m on my way up.

Oh good, I missed you at lunch today.

I heard.

Oh yeah. I forget you can hear me sometimes.

I wish I could forget. Remember that one thought from last week?

Oh my godddd let it gooo.

“Teenage meetant neeja teetles”???? What does that even mean???

Shhhhh don’t try and figure out my shitpost brain.

Wouldn’t dream of it. Have the doctors finished sewing you up?

Yep, it’s all pretty and clean and bandaged. They told me not to move it too much but jokes on them, I’m left handed, so catch me wiping my ass with my fucked up hand.

One, ew. Two, do not do that.

Y’all can’t stop me.

“But what if I could?” they said as they walked into his room, sitting in a chair beside him.

“You wouldn’t.” he teased. “You know you’d just watch me be stupid and shake your head at my ridiculousness.”

“It’s almost as if you’re speaking from experience.”

“Me? Being serially stupid? Never.”

Logan laughed, smiling at him. “... Are you okay though? Like, getting your finger lacerated by a table saw probably isn’t that fun.”

“I mean, nah, it’s not that great, but hey, I get to miss school for a day or two.”

“Are they keeping you overnight?”

“Yeah, just for a night, to make sure the saw didn’t have any bad garbage that got in my finger.”

“Do you want me to go and bring you anything?”

“I’ve already texted Patton about what happened and he’s gonna bring me… food. He didn’t specify what, but he yelled about bringing me sustenance.”

“Sounds about right. Are you sure you don’t need anything?”

“Honestly, Lo? I just want you to be here with me.”

“That I can do.”

~~~

Patton walked into Virgil’s room, tupperware in hand, humming some sort of something. Probably some of those lo-fi songs Roman deems “not dramatic enough.” He smiled at the two, asleep, Logan holding Virgil’s good hand. He left the tupperware container on his bedside table, set Logan’s glasses beside it, kissed them both on the forehead, and walked out, still humming.

Virgil would later swear he heard his humming and would aggressively question him on what song it was (“I know it, I know I know it, I know I know I know it!”). But he wouldn’t let up. “Just know it’s definitely a love song.” (“Of course it’s a love song, it’s Patton”).

“It’s a song worthy of the moon.”

[tonysopranosfeverdreams]

They get married on a Thursday morning in mid-March 

They get married on a Thursday morning in mid-March. It’s a  private affair, all things considered, and about as quiet as could be reasonably expected for an event held within the gang. They woke at 8 am (practically the middle of the night, Mac had whined, flinging the arm not already draped atop Dennis’s chest over his eyes in a fashion so melodramatic for his questionable level of consciousness that Dennis actually found himself rather impressed).

The two took their time dressing that morning, side by side in front of Dennis’s bedroom mirror, Mac easing on a surprisingly well-pressed white dress shirt while Dennis cursed his own trembling hands as he fumbled with the clasp on his shirt sleeve. He continued on in much the same fashion until Mac’s eyes snagged on Dennis’s reflection, taking notice of his struggle and  reaching out, instinctively, to grab at Dennis’s elbow and still it, wordlessly pressing the button into place with steady fingers before turning his attention back to straightening his own tie. Dennis felt paralyzed, for a moment, eyes tracking Mac’s large hands as they smoothed over the smooth fabric.

Dennis wouldn’t go so far as to say he was nervous, really. It was absurd to be nervous about something so mundane, so usual as marriage, when you get right down to it. For Mac and Dennis, it was about tax breaks mostly, and convenience.

“Besides,” Dennis had added when he had first introduced the idea, heart surging strangely in his chest and putting a rather alarming amount of effort into sounding as casual as possible, “we’ve been living together for the past 20 years. If we’re going to keep doing it, we’d be foolish not to reap the financial benefits of the situation.”

From the passenger’s seat, Mac had beamed at Dennis for the distance of approximately four blocks until Dennis had snapped at him to shut up, the words coming across maybe more sheepish than he had intended, cheeks heating. Unable to keep himself from sneaking glances out the corner of his eye, he could see the look on Mac’s face, eyes glued to the window, but grinning this small, private smile like he couldn’t help himself. Like he wouldn’t know how to stop even if he wanted to.

What’s more, Dennis thought, is that it was absurd to be nervous about getting married to Mac, specifically. Mac, who had spent the last two decades of his life looking at Dennis in every state you could imagine seeing another human being in. Mac who has seen Dennis on the floor of the  bathroom, ugly mascara streaked cheeks and raw, snotty nose, Dennis drunk and high, Dennis confused when he first wakes up in the morning, and Dennis bleeding after a fight, Dennis shouting,  Dennis spread out against soft cotton sheets, thighs shaking. Dennis when he’s happy, head thrown back on a laugh at something stupid that Dee had said. Dennis afraid.

Once they get to the courthouse, the ceremony is mostly straightforward and over as quickly as it begins. Once they finish exchanging their vows, Charlie  catches Mac’s eye  and gives him an enthusiastic thumbs up from where he’s seated in the front row of the courtroom, and Dee manages to only gag once throughout the whole ceremony, which they all count as a win.

But Dennis laughs mindlessly, giddy and almost disbelieving, when Mac finally swoops in for a brief, breathless kiss, and the two of them high-fiving immediately after pulling away.  

When it’s over, they make it back to the bar just in time for opening, and  decide on a few rounds of tequila shots to mark the occasion. Later, when the rest of the gang is distracted, Mac presses Dennis against the wall, and licks the taste of salt and lime from his mouth.

***

It’s not until about 4 months later that shit hits the matrimonial fan.

It’s that time of day during the dead of summer the when the heat’s just begun to break,and harshness of the afternoon sun gives way to a gentler, more forgiving glow. The two of them have spent the brunt of their afternoon off from the bar lounging in bed, bodies listless and heavy in the stagnant air. Dennis, from his position against the headboard, takes a long drag from the joint that Mac had rolled for them earlier, exhaling heavily before holding it out for Mac. Mac, head resting just above Dennis’s thigh, flings up a lazy arm to take it, fingers overlapping clumsily with Dennis’s for a few seconds as he finds his grip.

Mac’s lying so he’s got one leg resting loosely over one of Dennis’s own, and he keeps nestling, rather distractingly, into the soft, loose fabric of Dennis’s t-shirt, nosing absently at the place where his hip meets his side. Dennis watches as Mac brings the joint to his lips, eyelashes fluttering shut as he inhales deeply before reopening, dilated  eyes lolling upward to focus on a spot in the tacky, cottage cheese ceiling above their bed.  Dennis’s hand drifts, unconsciously, to pet at  Mac’s hair, soft and loose, for once, between his fingers, scratching lightly along the crown of his head, the back of his neck. Dennis’s eyelids are heavy from smoking, and he’s just starting to drift off to the static-white noise sound of their ancient air conditioning unit when he, distantly, hears Mac begin speak.

“I was thinking,” Mac starts, and Dennis doesn’t know if it’s just his senses being fucked from the weed, but his voice sounds softer, more cautious, than usual. It reminds Dennis too much of when they were younger, somehow, the nights they spent in Mac’s parents’ basement, gulping down the burning bottles of cheap liquor stolen from the kitchen cabinet, but never missed. The early mornings sitting too close together on the old stained threadbare sofa, hours after Charlie would pass out, whispering things they’d deny if anyone had dared to ask them in the light of day.

Dennis grumbles softly, but forces his eyes open to squint down at him. Mac’s eyes are glued to ceiling still, but more alert now, thoughtful. He’s got one hand fiddling with the hem of Dennis’s shirt.

“I was thinking,” he continues, “that we could take another trip down to the courthouse, this week, maybe, get the ball rolling on  changing my name. Legally, I mean”

At this, Dennis starts slightly, the hand carding through Mac’s hair stilling, momentarily, face scrunching up in confusion.

“Change your name to what?”

Mac tilts his head upward so he can get a better look at Dennis’s face.

“Uh, to yours, bro. Obviously.” His voice is incredulous, as though the answer should be obvious.

Dennis raises an eyebrow, trying to think through the fog of weed that’s clouded his mind.

“So...you want to be named Dennis…..too? I think I’m missing something here, buddy.”

Mac makes a frustrated sound, disentangling himself from Dennis’s limbs to sit next to him on the bed, crossing his legs under him as he faces an extremely bemused Dennis.

“Jesus Christ, man,I meant for me to take your last name. Now that we’re married and all.” he finishes, matter-of-factly.

“Oh,” Dennis blinks slowly clearly taking some extra time to process the information. “Why would you want to do that?”

Mac looks at Dennis as if he’s genuinely considering pressing his hand against his forehead and checking for the signs of a fever.

“You know I’ve always  hated my name, dude. And you’re my husband,” Dennis feels something flutter in his stomach, still,  at the use of the word, “so it makes sense.”

Dennis pauses, a moment, considering, before speaking again.

“But isn’t that kind of like…..” Mac raises his eyebrows at him as Dennis fumbles for the right word, making a vague gesture with his hand“....excessive?”

Now it’s Mac’s turn to look utterly lost. It’s kind of adorable. Dennis can’t resist  lifting his thumb to his brow, smoothing out the wrinkle forming there before he continues.

“It’s like, just because we’re married now doesn’t mean we have to do all the same shit that other couples do. It’s not like we can  have kids or whatever, so we don’t have to worry about having the same last name as  them.”

Mac doesn’t look convinced, still staring at him with this searching, confused expression, so Dennis continues.

“Besides, if we turn up somewhere with the same last name, it becomes a whole thing. Like we might as well be announcing it to the whole world, and I don’t want  that.” Mac winces, slightly, at this, a flash of hurt crossing his features that causes Dennis to instantly regret his choice of words.

“Look, Mac,” he hurries onward, fighting back an impulse to crawl into Mac’s lap and kiss the pout forming on his lips, “I’m happy with the way we are. I don’t need everyone else all up in our business,  staring at us and making assumptions. What we’re doing is between us, and we don’t need anyone’s approval. Besides, it’s not like being a Reynolds is anything to be proud of” he chokes on a laugh that sounds forced, even to his own ears.

Mac's  brow creases again, as he listens, and when he speaks, he speaks slowly and carefully, like he’s testing the weight of each word before it leaves his mouth.

“I don't mind people looking at us or knowing we're together. It’s not like I’m….I’m not embarrassed of  being with you, Dennis.” He pauses here, for a moment “Sometimes I think it might be the one thing I've done in life that i'm actually proud of.”

Dennis blanches, whatever he had planned to say next fleeing his mind at record speed, feeling rather lightheaded. He can only stare at Mac as he continues, eyes wide and sincere as he earnestly plows forward.

“You’re the only person whose approval I care about, you know that. I don’t mind getting a few weird looks now and then.” Mac clears his throat, “I’m proud to be your family, Dennis, and I don’t care who knows about  it.”

There’s a long silence, where Dennis feels, for some reason like his heart my beat clean out of his chest. Mac’s still got this serious, focused expression as he studies Dennis, who thinks his own face must reflect some of the awe that he’s feeling. Dennis feels something deep inside of him crack wide open and take root.

“Oh,” he manages, finally, softly. “Okay.”

Mac grins back at him.

“Okay.”

***

The day Mac goes in to officially file papers for his name change is the hottest day of the summer, and, coincidentally, the day their air conditioning unit finally gives out. So, they prop the windows open with old magazines, and celebrate with bargain bin wine and cold Chinese takeout, sprawled out on the floor in front of the tv screen. Periodically, between commercial breaks and bites of chicken fried rice, Dennis leans over and feathers quick, chaste kisses to the side of Mac’s throat, just pressing his mouth against the soft skin over and over again.  

Two days later later, they arrive at Guigino’s for their monthly dinner. When the hostess with the too-orange tan and too fake-bubbly personality asks Mac for their reservation name, her eyes dart down and catch, unmistakably, on the non-existent space between their bodies, the spot where the backs of their hands are just brushing against one another. Mac responds without hesitation, without even thinking, and Dennis lets out a breath he thinks he had been holding for a long, long time.c

[lipstickbisous]

familiar figure┃c.m.b

i am in such a fluffy mood and i wouldn’t really consider this fluff but it’s cute...? also i have completely swerved now whoops.

summary; corbyn can’t help but fall a little bit in love with the girl who continuously yells out her opinion that no one seems to care about at a college party. 

 warnings? you might not agree with the political opinions stated in here so don’t come for me, swearing

request? nope, again lol

tags? @coolkidcorbyn @technolilly @gracenadinelimelight @splendidseavey @poutybrock @fallingforbesson @seaveyssparkle @boredombesson

the only time corbyn besson enjoyed parties was when he was six years old and they were birthday parties. whether they were his, or his sibling’s, or his friends, it didn’t matter because either way he was invited and he got free cake.

unfortunately for him, college did not work that way.

just because corbyn was friends with someone didn’t mean he was instantly invited to their party. and, much to his dismay, there was no cake. 

he knew only a few people at the party. and he couldn’t say that he was close friends with them, so for the majority of the time, he awkwardly stood with those people and did his best to remain in their conversations.

he began to feel bad. he had put so much thought and effort into his outfit for that night. he had been overthinking everything, only for him to arrive and to be that one guy who stands in a corner.

and then he had a drink.

and suddenly, he was mr. popular. he held multiple contests with other people and remained undefeated. 

the next day, everybody seemed to know his name. everybody wanted to talk to him, to sit next to him in class. multiple girls asked for his number - it was great. corbyn was now a popular person, and it was all because of one thing.

 “you coming tonight, besson?” corbyn heard his friend ask him. his eyes left the figure of the girl who sat to his left, quietly writing notes. 

you.

he shrugged. “i don’t know, jo,” jonah’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. corbyn never missed a party. he lived to hear the crowd cheering his name. then, jonah’s eyes trailed to whatever corbyn was looking at. 

her. 

“bro,” he smiled, laughing as he snapped his fingers in front of corbyn’s eyes. it brought the blonde out of his trance, but he pushed his friend’s hands out of his way. “stop staring, that’s not gonna do shit for you.”

corbyn slapped jonah’s chest. “shut up, man.” he sighed as he sat back in his seat and opened up his textbook. 

“she’ll be there, ya know,” corbyn heard daniel’s voice speak from behind him. the brunette took a seat next to corbyn. the blonde groaned as his friend purposely blocked his view of the girl. 

“really?” corbyn asked, not believing one word his friends said.

jonah nodded. “she’s friends with christina.” he winked. 

corbyn hit his chest again, this time with his textbook. “stop it.” he groaned. “i don’t talk to her anymore, i told you.”

jonah rolled his eyes and changed the subject. he looked over to his youngest friend with a bright smile. “so,” he smirked, folding his arms. “is jack going to be there tonight as well?”

daniel blushed. his cheeks turned a deep shade of red as a small smile started to spread from his lips. he shrugged while opening up his laptop. “i don’t know,” he bit his lip. “maybe.”

corbyn felt weird.

this party wasn’t like the others. yes, it was fun, it was loud, it was crazy, there were drinks. but he felt unusually uncomfortable. he was with his friends, he was around the same people. he’d heard all of the music before, tasted all of the alcohol.

it was because he was waiting for you.

well, he wasn’t waiting. he was looking for you. he couldn’t help but think of you for the rest of the day. he hadn’t heard your voice but he was sure that it was beautiful. he liked how your hair fell into your face while you took notes, even though it was up in a bun, and you would gently brush it behind your ear.

you seemed like such a gentle, shy, and beautiful person. he wanted to know you.

corbyn was currently trying to find his friends. he’d managed to enter the house with both daniel and jonah at his side, but he’d figured out that jonah had ditched him to hang out with zach. the blonde found both of them in the living room talking to two girls.

he wasn’t sure where daniel was. there were only three places in the house that the brunette could possibly be: 

1. the kitchen, getting a drink 2. the bathroom, vomiting his brains out 3. a bedroom, doing things corbyn didn’t want to think of

corbyn sighed. he couldn’t find his friend anywhere. until he heard that familiar giggle a few feet behind him. 

“jack,” he heard a light voice whisper. “stop.”

corbyn turned around to see daniel pushed up against a wall, the curly-haired boy standing in between his legs and holding him up. the two boys had their lips locked together.

“that’s gross,” the blonde whispered. he sighed and built up the strength to walk to his friend. “daniel?” he asked sternly.

daniel’s blue eyes widened when he heard his name. he gently pushed jack’s lips off of his and smiled. “hey, bub,” his cheeks blushed as jack continued to hold his waist. “what’s up?”

“where’s that girl?”

“oooh,” daniel mocked him like he was in second grade. “someone has a crush, eh?”

“shut up, man,” corbyn said, annoyed. he was annoyed with how his friends were being complete jerks. in all honesty, they weren’t being jerks at all, corbyn was just being sour. 

daniel rolled his eyes. “attitude,” he said. the brunette began to rub jack’s forearms as he spoke. “she’s with christina downstairs. in the kitchen.”

“thank you,” corbyn said, immediately running away from the two boys once he had his answer. “jesus christ, wasn’t so fucking hard.”

he searched for you. he roamed around the living room, the kitchen, the dining room, everywhere. he couldn’t find you. and he knew he’d be able to find you because you had an unforgettable face. 

he started to look for christina. as much as he didn’t want to talk to his ex that night, he’d do it if it meant he’d find you.

there she was.

the girl he used to call his. she still had her brown hair, her pretty skin. they didn’t end on bad terms, corbyn was thankful, but it was just awkward between the two. awkward to the point where they both pretended like the other one didn’t exist.

he cleared his throat as he stood behind christina. “um, chris?” he gently tapped her shoulder. her eyes were bright as she turned around until she noticed it was the familiar blonde. 

“um,” she said, gulping. she smiled uncomfortably. “hey...corbyn.”

“i had a question,” corbyn said a little quietly. he had no idea why he was suddenly so timid and shy, but it’s because he noticed your familiar figure standing next to christina. 

“what was that?” christina yelled over the loud music. she still cared for the besson boy and wished him only happiness. but corbyn still didn’t know if she’d be okay with him asking her friend out.

corbyn began to speak again, but he interrupted once he heard the yelling of the host of the party. “what do we want?” he heard him yell.

“we want more!” the crowd yelled back. corbyn winced at the sudden change in volume. he took a good look at you.

you were completely different. you had your hair in a high ponytail and he got a chance to see how long it really was. you didn’t have very much makeup on, like before, but the makeup that you did have on was dramatic and perfect. 

you looked like a bad-ass.

and corbyn wanted to know you even more.

“what do we want?” the host yelled again.

“we want more!”

but then, corbyn heard you yell. “equal pay for every woman!” he smiled as christina playfully hit your shoulder. 

this continued. and corbyn loved it. there weren’t very many people of his age that he knew was politically active. “what do we want?”

“education for young girls!”

“the acceptance of homosexuals!”

“gun violence to be controlled!”

“our fucking privacy!”

he stood against the wall, a few feet behind you, watching you in awe. you seemed so strong and so powerful. “(y/n), stop it!” christina laughed, you laughing with her. corbyn could hear it perfectly.

you had a very nice laugh. and a very nice smile. 

usually, corbyn was fast. he was quick. he had fast reflexes. so imagine the blank look he had on his face when you turned around to meet his gaze. his blue eyes froze on you, he screamed at himself to look away but he couldn’t. 

“what are you looking at, besson?” you asked with a smile.

a bad-ass. corbyn thought.

“i need to know her.”

[heros-amoung-us]

Earpiece Date

Thanks @savanime19 for the request!!!

This is a Bakugou x reader scenario! With the whole bakusquad helping out ;) Might make another part but idk yet. So enjoy this! 

Katsuki Bakugou sat on a park bench alone. His blond eyebrows were narrowed towards each other in agitated concentration. His strong arms, crossed over his chest and his foot tapped nervously against the soft grassy ground. Random civilians paid no mind to the grumpy looking teenager as they passed by him, each one too focused on appreciating and taking in the beauty of the city’s park.

Katsuki shifted uneasily in his bench seat. “Okay, so what do I do when she first gets here?” His voice was hushed, not wanting anyone passing by to hear him talking.

“Slap that bish on the ass and take her to the closest private bathroom, if you know what I mean~” Kaminari’s disembodied voice rang from the ear piece Katsuki was wearing.

The blond felt his blood boil.

“I’m going to fucking murder you so bad that even Satan won’t be able to punish you any worse when you get to HELL.” Katsuki said through his angrily clenched jaw.

“Who invited Kaminari, again?” this time, Sero’s cracking teenage voice came through Katsuki’s ear, along with an offended gasp from the electrical hazard himself.

“Hey!! Bakugou asked for ALL of our help on this date with [L/n]!” Kaminari answered, slightly offended.

“He probably doesn’t want to hear your perverted comments though, Kaminari.” Mina added, her voice sounding girlish and somewhat out of place.

“Yeah man, that comment wasn’t cool. A real man would never talk about [Y/n] like that.” Kirishima commented, earning a string of ‘fine, fine, fine’ from Kaminari.

Katsuki, was currently too focused on looking through the faces of all the people passing by him to respond to his friends in his ear piece. His handsome crimson eyes scanned each person. He felt anxious for some reason. Every time he saw someone pass with (h/c) hair his heart would skip a beat, thinking it was you.

Mina calling his name in his ear pulled him back into their conversation.

“Bakugou! Adjust your camera please, we’re looking at the pavement right now.”

Said male’s eyes went back to scanning the crowd of people. Your arrival was all he could think about. His hands moved on their own to adjust a small explosion pin on the pocket of his black T-shirt. An almost invisible camera was hidden in the pin, which allowed his four friends to see what he was seeing, without being too obvious.

“Bro, how are you feeling?” Kirishima asked.

Katsuki tore his gaze from the passing by people and looked down at is shoes. His right foot was still anxiously tapping on the ground. He ran a hand through his ash blond hair.

“Like fucking Deku. This is so stupid.”

“Awe~ Bakugou~ Are you nervous?” Mina cooed.

Katsuki instantly felt his cheeks and ears heat up.

“NO WAY! NOW SHUT UP!” He lashed out, earning a handful of people around him to become alarmed and hurry away.

Katsuki clenched his jaw together.

“It’s normal to feel nervous before a first date. I mean, you’ve been gunning over [L/n] for what, MONTHS now?!”

“Shut it, low-budget Spiderman,” Katsuki grumbled. He wasn’t fucking nervous. He just felt weird that’s all. His senses were at all time highs as he waited for you to get to the park. “Now give me some real advice you fuckers before she gets here.”

“Okay, okay. What do you have planned for this date Bakugou?” Kirishima asked.

There was a long silence.

“…nothing.”

“Jesus Christ” Kaminari cursed.

“This is gonna be more work than I thought.” Mina breathed out.

“Bro are you serious? You didn’t plan a single thing?” Kirishima asked dumbfounded.

“This is why I asked you idiots to help me out! That was your fucking job!” Katsuki whisper yelled.

“Alright, this is okay. We can plan something before she shows up,” Kirishima reassured, his brain racking through his inventory of date ideas.

“Too late she’s walking towards us!!” Mina frantically yelled.

Katsuki shot his head up, his eye wide as he stared at you walking toward him. His heart rate almost doubled as you smiled at him.

“This is not a drill! I repeat! This is not a drill! Everyone stay calm! Oh god! This is it folks! Here we go!” Kaminari’s disembodied voice was clearly panicking. “Welcome to the show ladies and gentlemen! Oh boy, here we go!”

Your baby blue and white dress hung to your curves nicely. It wasn’t too revealing, which Katsuki liked. Your (h/l) (h/c) flowed breezily in the spring’s air. Katsuki couldn’t help but notice how you stood out from all the nameless extras around. It was as if no one else mattered but you.

“Hey!” Your voice was light and cheery. “Sorry, did I keep you waiting long, Bakugou?”

Katsuki felt his mouth run completely dry as you stood in front of him. His feet were cemented into the ground and his cheeks felt like they were on fire. This was really happening. He was really on a date with you right now.

“Bro! Answer her!” Kirishima yelled into his ear.

Katsuki cleared his throat, hoping to produce some sort of wetness there so he could speak.

“No, I just got here.” He lied. He had been nervously sitting on the bench for twenty minutes.

“Oh great! This park is beautiful isn’t it!” You marvelled, looking around at all the trees and flowers.

“Tell her that she looks beautiful!” Mina encouraged.

“Say ‘not as beautiful as you’ the ladies eat that shit up.” Kaminari added.

Katsuki stood up from his position on the bench. He stood beside you and awkwardly shoved his hands in his pant pockets.

“Oi! Yeah that’s good! Say it Bakugou!” Kirishima enthusiastically yelled.

Katsuki felt his cheeks warm up even further. That shit was so cheesy.

“Yeah, you look not as beautiful as you.” Was his actual response. He felt dumb and wished he just didn’t say anything. “I-I mean! Not as…nice or…whatever…as …you.” His voice was an embarrassed whisper by the end.

“Unbelievable,”

“I need a drink already,”

You giggled, which surprised everyone including Katsuki himself. Looking back over to him, your smile made him feel even more nervous. He didn’t know what to do or where to take you now.

Good thing you were easy going.

“Wanna walk along the trail?” You suggested.

Katsuki grunted and nodded in response. Your footstep fell in sync with each other as you made your way to the paved path. It stretched around and through the park in various directions. You had started telling Katsuki about your day and other random things that happened to you during your journey to the park. At first, he tried to pay attention, but after staring at the side of your face for several seconds, your voice began to drown out. The soft features of your face, the soft fluffy look of your hair, the way your eyes lit up while telling a story, it all entranced him. His crimson eyes seemed stuck on you, as if he was looking at a rare and beautiful piece of art.

“Bro…real talk…[Y/n]’s tits look so good in that dress.” Kaminari’s voice grabbed Katsuki by the neck, dragged him out of his peaceful dreamy state, and slapped him into the pit of despair that was perversion.

Usually, comments like these would never bother him. He actually very rarely paid any attention to them. But when it came to you, he couldn’t help but hear them loud and clear.

Katsuki angrily fisted the explosion pin, blocking Kaminari’s and everyone else’s view of your rack. He then felt his whole face redden as his eyes darted down your cleavage. Your tits did look rocking. Katsuki wanted to punch himself.  

“Bakugou! Let go of the camera!” Mina yelled.

“Kaminari what is wrong with you man?”

Bakugou’s grip in his pin tightened. He suddenly felt guilty he made his friends spy on your date. But at the same time, he knew he was beyond clueless, and the last thing he wanted to do was fuck this up.

“What?! Don’t hate the player, hate the game! I can’t help but admire gifts from god.”

“Jesus, someone please mute his mic.”

“Don’t make me come over to your place and tape your mouth shut, dude.”

“Please do, Sero.” Mina huffed.

“I should mute all your mics” Katsuki tried to whisper. Offended gasps could be heard in his ear piece.

“What?” You asked, hearing him suddenly say something. You turned to look at him, still walking in pace.

Katsuki panicked and let go of his pin. “Uh, NOTHING!” He aggressively yelled, his face as red as a tomato.

You giggled again, giving him a soft smile before facing forward again.

“Bro you can’t talk to us when you’re with her!” Sero reminded. Katsuki glared down at the ground.

“Wow!” Your voice once again pulled him out of his little bakusquad ear piece world. He looked up at your glowing smiling face. His gaze followed yours to a large field of colourful flowers. It stretched itself miles across and held, what appeared to be, hundreds of different kinds of flowers. Katsuki didn’t understand why you were so excited about a bunch of flowers, but he was grateful the conversation was no longer on him.

You two had stopped on the edge of the path to admire the field. Katsuki stood beside you. He side glanced, only to see your face turned up into an intoxicating smile. You were intoxicated by the beauty of the flowers, as he was with you. He found himself getting lost in your presence again, reality slowly blurring around him.

“This is perfect! Girls love flowers!” Mina excitedly commented.

“Ask her what her favourite type of flower is.” Kirishima said.

“What’s your favourite?” Katsuki blurted out, his voice rough and low.

You glanced up at him quickly before looking back at the field.

“Flower, I mean. Which kind is your favourite or whatever?”

“I think my favourite is lavender. They’re such a nice purple colour and smell amazing! Do you have one?” You answered, turning towards him.

“They’re all kinda the same to me.” He answered, only really focusing on trying to burn lavender into his memory as your favourite flower.

“I feel like you’re a sunflower kinda guy.” You said. Katsuki raised an eyebrow. “They’re tall like you.” You shrugged.

“I’m not tall, you’re just short.” He said back. You faked an offended scoff and nudged his arm.

“Am not! I’m average you bully!” you laughed.

Katsuki on the other hand, did not laugh. He just stared, at his arm that you nudged.

“We have made contact! One small step for Katsuki, one giant step for class 1A pussy-slaying kind!” Kaminari cheered.

“Jesus shut the fuck up you cock sucker”. Katsuki yelled, almost instinctively.

His eyes widened into saucers the second he realised he said that out loud. He was too terrified to look over to you.

“…what?” You asked, very confused and trying your best to not be offended.

Katsuki brought his hand up to his mouth and just stared at the grass near his feet in horror. How was he supposed to recover from this? He felt his heart sink into his stomach and all he wanted to do was murder that pica-bitch.

The bakusquad was also speechless.

“Bro….” Kirishima said sympathetically.

“Kaminari I’m coming over to your dorm and murdering you right now.” Sero stated, some shuffling noises could be heard soon after. “Mina, Kirishima, save our wounded solider, will ya?”

“NO PLEASE SERO! HAVE MERCY! I’M SORRY BAKUGOU!”

Katsuki clenched his fist at his side so hard his knuckles turned white.

Your light, airy laughter filled his ears and almost sent an electric shock through his body. He stared at the ground in disbelief, thinking it’s gotta be someone else laughing. He slowly turned his head towards you, only to see you clutching your stomach in laughter.

“um…..what?” Mina spoke the thoughts of everyone.

You looked over at Katsuki and tried to calm your laughing down.

“Didn’t know you got so offended by being called a bully~ Did I just find one of Katsuki Bakugou’s soft spots?” You giggled.

You always found it funny how Bakugou was so over-the-top about everything. His intenseness and colourful language together was the funniest thing in the world to you.

“GO WITH IT! JESUS MAN GO WITH IT!” Kirishima frantically yelled.

Katsuki blinked a couple times. “Ah! N-no way! Are you kidding me?! I don’t have any weak spots! I’m as solid as a rock dammit.” He tried to recover.

“Oh yeah?” You teased, lightly punching his chest. “I don’t knowww, you sounded pretty offended~”

Katsuki felt a wave of relief wash over him at your teasing. Fucking right he’s still in this date for the WIN. He gave you a small smirk.

“In your fucking dreams princess! I don’t have any soft spots and I don’t get offended by others, THAT’S why I’m the best.” He folded his arms across his chest

You raised an eyebrow and returned his smirk. “Oh really? I guess…” You started slowly making your way towards the flower field, looking back at Katsuki over your shoulder. “we will see about that~” You turned back to face the front and continued into the field.

Katsuki stood speechless. His cheeks were fire-hydrant red and his heart pounded in his chest.

You were going to kill him.

“Damnnnn…don’t hate me for saying this Bakuguo, but [Y/n] is hot as fuck. That look was something else. Remind me to get tips from her later.” Mina commented in Katsuki’s ear.

Katsuki watched you slowly walk through the field. The tops of the flowers brushing past your thighs. You’d bend down ever-so often to smell a flower and look over to him with half-lidded eyes.

“…agreed…” Kirishima added, his voice low.

Katsuki snapped out of his daze on you and uncrossed his arms.

“If either of you try anything I’ll sent you on fire.” He muttered, only loud enough for them to hear.

The ash blond began casually walking over to where you stood in the field. Other civilians stood around in the field and around as well, admiring the flowers. His gaze darted from his feet to you every couple second. You caught him looking at you and you both immediately looked away awkwardly, your cheeks both heating up.

“Bro pick her some flowers or something.” Kirishima prodded.    

Katsuki shoved his hands in his pockets and slightly pouted. He never thought he’d see himself standing in a flower field, let alone, picking them. You seemed to be enjoying yourself, so I guess it was okay. But didn’t help his ego.

“Dude! She’ll like it!” Kirishima pushed.

“Operation Get Rid of Electrical Hazard has been a success, I’m currently in his dorm room and have cocooned the bastard in tape.” Sero suddenly added.

Mina began hysterically laughing.

“Oh my gosh! I have to see this!” She yelled, making Katsuki slightly wince at her volume.

You noticed and turned towards the blond.

“You okay?” You asked.

Katsuki looked up at you.

“MINA! HELP ME!”

“What the-? How’d you get your mouth loose?”

“PLEASE NO MORE TAP-MM! HMM MH MM!”

“Uh…” Katsuki found it hard to concentrate on both you and the commotion that was going on in his ear. “Yeah,”

You hesitantly nodded, noticing how spaced out he seemed to be. In a sudden realization, you realized that he must be bored looking at flowers. You mentally punched yourself in the face for making him do something so boring for him.

“AHAHAHAH Kaminari!! Kirishima you have to see this! He looks like an angry caterpillar!!” Mina yelled in Katsuki’s ear.

“Guys! We’re supposed to be helping Katsuki right now remember? Just…take lots of pictures and send them to me.”

“Hey,” the sound of your voice once again pulled Katsuki out of his ear piece world. “Do you wanna go get something to eat? I know this really good noodle place only a short walk away.” You suggested.

Katsuki nodded, “Sure,” he said in a bored tone, trying his best to focus on you and not his idiot friends.

As the two of you began walking back to the paved trail, Katsuki caught a glimpse of lavender in his right eye. There was a small bush of it not too far from where he was. Quickly, and without anyone really noticing, he aggressively grabbed a fistful of the flower and pulled some out of the ground.

“Ah…” Katsuki nervously started, feeling his cheeks warm up at the cheesiness of the act. You were walking beside him. You looked over to see the sides of his face a slight pink colour. You also thought you noticed…something…in his ear? Katsuki doesn’t have earrings, does he? “Here” He said, shoving the fist full of lavender into your hands.

Your attention was immediately onto the purple flowers and their clean, fresh scent that filled your nose. You couldn’t help but smile and blush.

“Thank you! These are beautiful Katsuki!” You said, your voice airy and light.

The blond just faced forward, but he felt accomplished and warm inside.

“That was smooth as hell bro! Nice one!” Kirishima yelled.

“Awe~ This is so cute! I’m getting goosebumps!” Mina cheered.

“OW! Mina, watch where you fist pump.” Sero winced. Mina laughed and apologized.

“Okay now it’s conversation time while you guys walk to the park! Ask her how she likes U.A.”

“No, no! Give her a compliment about her training! Like she was really badass in that ship wreck rescue training we did yesterday. Tell her she did great!”

Katsuki opened his mouth to do exactly that.

“Yeah! But girls don’t want to hear that, she did much better when we were learning cpr.”

“Tell her her quirk is manly and awesome! And everyone is jealous!”

“She’s got beautiful eyes that could capture any villain in them with just one look!”

Katsuki felt himself get increasingly confused and frustrated at all the input. Soon, all their voices began talking over each other.

“Your training was…manly and awesome…and your eyes could capture any cpr badass…” Katsuki said, not really hearing himself, only really hearing the jumbled-up words of his friends.

You gave him a quizzical look.

Katsuki cleared his throat and looked down at his shoes.

“Ah, fuck. I mean…you did pretty okay during yesterday’s training, you know.” Katsuki said embarrassed he messed up before.

You smiled and lightly giggled. “Thanks, Bakugou! I thought it was really fun, I might specialize in ship wreckages or something. Not too sure yet.” You shrugged.

Katsuki side glanced over to you briefly before looking back down at the path.

“Yeah? You don’t want to be a hero in a big city or anything?” He asked.

Your steps became synced as you left the park’s path and got onto the sidewalk.

“I don’t really know yet. I like living in the city, sure. But...maybe it’s my quirk or who I am as a person, but I just feel connected to nature and water somehow. So right now, I feel like that’s where I’ll end up; somewhere more rural and a lot of waterfront.”

“NO [L/N]! I wanna fight bad guys in a big city with her!!! We were gonna be roomies!” Mina exclaimed sadly.

“Calm down, she said she wasn’t even sure if that’s what she wanted to do.” Sero said, clearly annoyed with the pink female.

“Bro, this is intense. This means theres even more pressure to lock her down before she goes to be a hero in the middle of no where! You either gotta stop her or wife her, bro!!” Kirishima yelled.

Katsuki couldn’t help but feel slightly upset by your words. Kirishima layered on that pressure like a fat kid layers butter on toast.

“Ah!” He heard you say. You had stopped walking and were standing in front of a small noodle restaurant. “We’re here!”

You quickly stepped up to the door and opened it. “Come on!”

Katsuki slowly followed. He shoved his hands in his pockets as you both walked through the door.

“Alright, operation Lock [L/n] Down is a go! We really gotta turn the charm up 1000 percent here guys! She can’t leave us!” Kirishima yelled, earning determined ‘yeah!’s from Sero and Mina.

Katsuki gulped back a nervous lump in his throat.

This was going to be interesting.

[ankelspanker]

redemption

Luna Valente is a 22 years old intern in Aleman Hospital. She's living the life of an ordinary girl. Working, dating, hanging out with friends, and is known for her perseverance, hard work and cheerfulness. But behind this smile, there's the past. The past that she can’t forget, the past that can't let her go, the past that is now ready to return into her life.

here’s wattpad if you like to read there more 🍓🌙

chapter one

“But for real, I'm telling you, being a teacher is a hard work. Sure when you teach in elementary school you can somehow deal with the children, but when it comes to students...Jesus. But what were you saying? You’re a doctor, right? It must be hard! But on the other hand, that’s the profession.”

Luna’s fork with the salad on it was stuck in the air for like five minutes already, while she was looking at the person in front of her. She literally has no idea how he even chews. They have been on this date for hour and a half already (and she’s been counting), and for all this time she was managed to insert only a couple of phrases. It’s impossible, it’s absolutely impossible for a man to talk that much. And only about himself.

“I’m not a doctor yet. Just intern.” Luna smiles a bit. “I’ve just graduated from the academy and now it’s only an internship program.”

“Hey, Luna, I’m sure you will be a great doctor!” He winks at her, keep eating his steak.

“Thanks.”  

Valente takes a sip of water, mentally trying to remember all prayers she knows so the God will save her. This is the worst date she has ever been on in her life. And there have been a lot lately. She’s is literally ready to pay anyone any money in order to get away from this pathetic dinner.

The guy was planning to say something else but heavens must have heard her and her phone started ringing. She quickly takes it from the bag seeing her best friend picture all over the display.

“Yes, Nina.”

“You still on a date?” Her tone sounds quite anxiously.

“Yeah, what happened?”

“I need to tell you something.”

Luna shifts her eyes on her date and then suddenly makes the panic face.

“Oh god, is that your old leg injury again?! That’s just terrible! Don’t worry, I’m coming!”

“Wha...”

Though she doesn't hear Nina's next words, declining the phone call.

“Lucas, I’m so sorry but I have to go now!” Luna's fakes her sad voice as she getting up from the chair.“It was my friend. Her old injury is getting worse and I’m the only one who can help her! But I’ll call you later, okay? Toodles!”

Without even hearing his answer, Valente leaves the restaurant with all speed possible, going back to her car which is parked near the building. She quickly gets in and only then she exhales loudly. Of course she understands that this action won’t make her an angel but this was honestly too much.

After giving herself a couple of minutes, Luna starts the car, heading to the direction of her best friend’s apartment. For the last year, her personal life was like the Titanic wreck where, like one after another, her dreams for a happy future are drowning. Although there is a worthy explanation for this — she’s 22 years old and at this age she has to go clubbing and mix all alcoholic beverages she’s able to find there, but instead Luna’s working 13 hours a day and she barely has time to have a couple of drinks with her friends in a bar downstairs her apartment building. She did know that such profession as a doctor isn’t easy, but she obviously didn’t think that everything would start right from the internship.

About twenty minutes later, Luna is already at Nina's door. She knocks only a couple of times before her friend opens the door with her face being extra stressful and worried.

“You literally just saved me with your call!” Valente says as she walks inside, taking her heals off. “I’m telling you, this guy would make the dead one rise from his grave just to shut him up.”

Brunette smiles at her own joke, making herself comfortable on the big couch, though her friend’s face still looks pale and probably even more stressful that it was before. And suddenly, nothing is actually funny anymore.

“Okay, Nina, you scare me” Valente’s voice becomes a little bit nervous as she carefully looks at the girl in front of her. “Is something really happened?”

She said nothing, dropping her gaze at her fingers and beginning to touch them nervously.

“Nina, please say it already.”

Simonetti takes her glasses off and lifts her head up to look into her friend’s eyes.

“Luna, just please, don’t freak out, but…” She takes a deep breath. “Matteo is in town. He’s back.”

🌙🍓

“If Mark really calls this garbage “an apartment”, then I rest my case.” A guy named Gaston Perida throws his almost empty Abercrombie & Fitch bag on the couch and turns around to look at the whole place again. “I’m telling you, as soon as we get the money, we will rent a better flat.”

His friend with dark and a little bit curly hair nods as he opens the balcony door and enters outside to take another look at the city. He’s agree with his friend – this place stinks. Although, currently it’s not his biggest problem. He lived his whole life here and then he just packed his bags and left. Not because he wanted to – because he had to. And there was too much to left behind. Too much, he didn’t have enough courage to explain or at least say a proper goodbye to everyone he loved here. To her. He was actually sure that never in his life he would have to come back here. Every corner in Buenos Aires keeps 20-year-old memories of him and his life, and he doesn’t think he’s ready to face them. Not like that and definitely not doing what he’s doing now.

“Bro, are you okay there?” His friend’s voice makes him come back to reality and he exhales loudly before leaving the balcony, closing the door behind him.

“This area of Baires doesn’t have better apartments, believe me.” Matteo smiles a bit as he sits on the couch.

“You from here?”

“Not specifically this district but close. I told you I grew up in orphanage and it was located in the same ugly shit as this place. So, looks pretty familiar for me.”

Gaston nods, keeps looking at his friend. “So what if you meet her? You sure you’re ready?”

“Even if I’m not, what can I do?” Balsanoshrugs. “We have a job here and we need to have it done.”

They sit in a silence for a couple of minutes more before Matteo gets up and saying something quick like “I’ll go buy some groceries”, leaves the apartment.

Thank God the nearest supermarket is only a block away and this reduces his chances of meeting someone he knows.

He walks into Disco taking the trolley with him. The apartment is new and totally empty so they need plenty of stuff. Plus, more guys are coming tomorrow and its gonna be six of them and not just two. Matteo stops near the bread shelves, taking several toast packs, and just when he was ready to move forward, he heard a familiar voice behind his back.

“Matteo?!”

He freezes and then slowly turns around. Nina Simonetti in the flesh and blood is standing right in front of him with her mouth opened in surprise.

“Matteo?!” She repeats his name as she doesn’t believe her own eyes. “What the actual fuck are you doing here?!”

“None of your concern.” The guy simply shifts his shoulders trying to stay calm. Though the storm of worry was growing inside him. If Nina knows, everyone else might know soon as well. Especially the ones who don’t really need to.

“Why in hell are you in Baires? You left! Why did you come back? Is it because of Luna?”

The sound of her name hurts a little bit.

“Jesus Christ, Nina!” Balsano rolls his eyes. “It has nothing to do with Luna. Will you give it a rest already? I just have some business to do.”

“Some business to do.” She mocks him. “Don’t you even think about going to her.”

Matteo exhales deeply, remembering what a pain in the ass this girl was when he was living here.

“For the last time, I’m not here because of Luna. And I will be very grateful to you if you don’t tell her that you saw me, okay?”

“With all the pleasure in the world.” Nina looks at him with the most disgusting facial expression she has ever been able to make as she turns around and leaves, dropping her food on the nearest shelf.

Buenos Aires is a big city. The chance of accidentally meeting someone familiar here is very and very small. However, it seems today fortune was not on Balsano’s side and an hour after his return to his hometown, he immediately met someone. And not just anyone, but Nina fucking Simonetti. Donald Trump himself talks less shit than this girl, and probably, even if they cut off her tongue, she will find a way to speak. So, despite the fact that he asked her to be quiet about this situation, he literally 100% sure that soon everyone he knows from here will be aware of his homecoming. Including Luna. And the last thing Matteo wants to see again is the eyes of his ex-wife.

🌙🍓

Luna takes another sip of the water from the glass in her hands and keeps staring at the wall right in front of her. This is just impossible. That can’t be. He was gone. He left everything and just disappeared, and now he has literally no rights to be back out of nowhere. And she was hella scared to even go outside now. What if she meets him? What will she say to him? What will do? Matteo Balsano isn’t just someone. He’s everything. Her first boyfriend, first love, first sex. For God’s sake, he’s her ex fucking husband. Yes, at the age of 22 she already has ex-husband. They were too young, too stupid, too reckless and too in love. They got married as soon as she turned 18, against her parents’ wish, and she hasn’t talked to them since. Luna’s parents are extremely wealthy people and she actually comes from the very rich society. So, of course, none of her family who’s used to luxury and success would ever accept her love for an orphan from poor and wrong sides of the tracks. Her father didn’t call him anything except low life scum and forbade him to even breathe near Luna’s presence. Though all of this meant nothing to her. She loved. She loved so deeply that it was impossible to even explain, so of course when Matteo suggested her to marry him and leave everything behind, she agreed without any hesitation. Even when two years later after their marriage Matteo just left, only leaving signed divorce papers behind him, she didn’t come back to her parents. Not like they wanted her to, but she was already so used to being independent that returning there was equivalent for her to locking herself in a cage again. It was almost a year since she stopped living her life thinking about him every day. She moved to another apartment, found a job, started dating again. Luna tightly closed that chapter of her life story she wasn’t going to go back there.

“I met him when I went grocery shopping in Disco. I really didn’t want tell you at first, but then I thought you should know because what if he decides to contact you.” Nina says, taking her friend out of her thoughts.

“What if he doesn’t decide?” Valente whispers, finally shifting her gaze from the wall to Nina. “What if he has other goals here and he absolutely isn’t going to contact me? And then I just wouldn’t know that he is here and it wouldn’t turn my life upside down again.”

“Why does it even have to turn your life upside down? He left! He has nothing to do with your life now!”

Luna angrily gets up from the couch and quickly moves towards the door. “I need to be alone.”

“Jesus, Luna, why so much drama because of him?”

“He was my husband, Nina.” Valente puts her Zara heals on and gives her friend another not so happy look.

“Yeah, the key word is was. In case you forgot, you got divorced almost three years ago!” Nina follows her friend. “Yes, he left you without saying a word but this the past.”

“I have to go.” Luna shuts the door behind her and quickly goes upstairs. Her hearts beats like crazy and she’s trying all her best not to faint right here.

She only manages to control her breath when she’s sitting in her car, stressfully trying to find her phone. There’s only one person she can call now. Only one person who will understand her. Because he also was left like her almost three years ago without any information. And he’s the only person who knows Matteo as good as her, if not better.

As she finds his name in her contacts list, Luna clicks his phone number and there are about three-four beeps before she hears his voice from the speakers.

“Luna? Hey! Haven’t heard you for a long time! What’s up?”

“Simon, he’s here. He’s back.”

And this is the moment when it finally and completely hits her, and she just can’t hold her tears anymore.

[justtwilightshitposts-blog]

So I got high as fuck and watched Twilight for the first time in 6 years and made a list of the thoughts running through my head. Anyways it’s under the cut, enjoy lol

Dramatic entry....

I don’t understand what she’s saying

Oh my god look at her stupid fucking cactus it’s so small and dumb

Why does she sound so miserable

Charlie her hair?? Really??

How is their house so big with one fucking bathroom

Charlie really had someone else decorate her room omg

Why is he such a good fucking dad. I want to cry

“Still dancin”..... aight, billy 

Jacob looks so fucking angsty

She’s so excited about this huge ugly piece of shit truck how is she straight

Did it ever get explained in the series where the fuck Jacob goes to school

“Nice ride” ahah SOOOO FUNNY

I don’t remember his name but why is he such a try hard

*Ball comes at Bella* bella: fUCK

Jessica: stay the FUCK away from my man

Jessica you weird

Mike stop

Who tf is that dude omg he just took his fucking chair

“FEATURES DEAD, ANGELA”

Oh my god Jess when she says eating disorders aakkskakdn

This background music does not fit the characters

Yeah they live together omg

How convenient. A family full of people who fuck each other except ONE

HIS FUCKING STARE

Why they got a fan in the classroom

No introduction to the new kid? Unrealistic. Blocked.

Stop staring at each other what the shit bruh

Just jump tf out the classroom damn

Edward trying to slam the door omggg

How she gonna know you Santa when you dressed normal, tf

Just grab the ketchup

Jesus Christ just talk to each other

Goodbye cell phone then

Day one and you’re doing homework ok

Why is Edward so fucking cringey

He couldn’t handle it so he just stayed home fucking pussy

They just straight up threw a fucking rock at her

Things were getting strange AFTER he stops going to school hmmmmm?

Seriously their house is good sized

This bitch just fucking ate shit what a clumsy gay

“You’re not in Phoenix anymore”

“I need your playlist”

Why is EVERYONE hitting on Bella. She doesn’t even look straight

“Hello” bruuhhhh

His voice, TF

What is the golden onion

Why does he talk like... that

Bonding over science. Haha. Get it. Bonding

“How’s the weather”

Cold n wet. Cool

He laughin. Lmao

Aw his smile

I feel so awkward watching this conversation

Why doesn’t this bitch just sit tf still Jesus Christ

“Wait hOLD UP why didn’t you go with your mom and Phil just curious haha I’m just trying to analyze you no biggie”

The fluorescents. Walks away. ????

How tf did this mf even manage to almost crash like what. How did it even happen

He out this mf

Everyone just like. Sat there for so long not doing anything??? Then BAM OMG BELLA ALSKAJNCKDO”

Carlisle is so fucking white Jesus

Did she never notice his eyes are the same color as Edwards

Fuckin snitch omg Carlisle is not happy

“Hey ex wife our daughter almost died lol call me back”

They are really just arguing in the middle of the hospital tf?

I was standing right next to you....

why does he look like that

Rude ass tf?

Edgy moon

Tf she dreaming about

Wait so like he didn’t even start out with anything low key he just straight up fucking watched her sleep after knowing her a week

God why does he look like that. All the time

Poor mike oh my god

She’s lived here a week how does she already have plans conveniently the night of prom. Get a better excuse Bella

Recycled tea

Why is he so fucking creepy “what’s in Jacksonville” mf HOW you know

Rude ass again what the shit

Why would Bella care if you go to prom with mike, Jessica

“We shouldn’t be friends” no one said you were???

“Our bus is full” 💀

Call your fucking mother you asshole

Charlie don’t talk about Phil

She just walks tf out lmaoooo

How did anyone NEVER say anything about them NEVER eating lunch

La PUSH

He just bounced a fuckin apple

Stop being so cryptic what the fuck

“Let’s say for arguments sake that I’m not smart” bitch me too the fuck

“What if I’m... the villain” shut up you fucking emo oh my god

Come to the beach lol

This is all so awkward

Why did they like hardly ever show Angela

“You’re a strong independent woman” how do people think she’s straight

“The Cullen’s don’t come here” so fucking dramatic

“Yeah yeah whatever enough of you, what about the CULLENS”

Wait. How long have the Cullen’s been around? How long ago was the treaty made???

This music is so fucking dramatic

Oh no it’s Santa....

These bitches gay as fuck too James looks so fucking gay

How is it the entire time she’s trying to figure out the Cullen’s not ONCE does she question the quilietes being descended from FUCKING WOLVES

All these prom dresses boring as fuck

Like what the fuck even is that material

Jess is fucking... phat

“Sorry I don’t do prom dresses I just like really wanna go to this bookstore”

I don’t even want to know what would have happened if Edward didn’t come get her from these creeps...

She legit is about to get gang raped and like. No one ever said anything about this guys what the fuck

Why does Edward look like a fucking crack addict

“Sorry I just REALLY wanna murder these guys”

You should put YOUR seat belt on

“Yeah were gonna do everything that consists of a date but it’s not a date ok?”

No way that tiny bitch is gonna eat that whole ass plate

I’m gonna make sure YOU eat but I won’t alright?

Fucking math nerd

How DID he know she was there???

“I feel very protective of you even though I’ve known you for like less than a month”

He can read minds it’s no biggie

“Cat” bitch me too!!!

I can’t read YOUR mind tho sorry

Wait so why are certain vampires given gifts?

I don’t wanna stay away from you anymore lol

Ooooo our dads are here

“Animal attack” *GLARE*

“Idk what to say I’m so sorry”

Charlie STOP MY HEART IS FUCKING BREAKING

Animals are attacking and you give her pepper spray?

Why tf did they roll his whole ass body out in plain view why the hell was he not in a body bag!!!!

“Oh OKAY everything is starting to come together”

What is this dramatic dream where he’s all emo drinking her blood what the fuck is happening

“Follow me into the woods just trust me”

I don’t find it believable that he speaks like he’s from a different time. His dialect would change with time. Imagine him in 2018 fuckin yeet this and dab that lmaoooo

Why when he runs his legs move and nothing else

How fast are they even going

Diamonds are a girls best friend. And vampires.

“I’m a killer” on cool aha I’m just chillin alone in the woods with u haha no biggie

Why are you being so dramatic Edward

He just yeeted that fucking rock lol

“I’ve never wanted to kill anyone until you”

You’re my drug....

his voice is cracking me tf up

“I’m not afraid of you I’m afraid of losing you” you fucking emo

I want to die

I zoned out an all I heard was “sick masochistic lion” .... alright

Let’s just lay in the grass in the middle of the fucking woods it’ll be cute!!!

Do they just. Stare at each other and not talk...

Why do they use sound effects for his skin lmao

“My crush is a vampire lol ❤️”

What’s Monte Carlo

Everyone is staring lmaoooo

The siblings are not happy lmao

Why would you turn someone into a vampire like there is no logical reason to be like “you’re dying so I’m gonna make you live FOREVER”

They’re just chillin in the rain lmao

Literally tho like being a vampire would be pointless and fucking torture Jesus Christ why would you force that on a dying person

“Wanna meet the fam lol jk u have no choice”

The fucking stare down between Edward and Jacobs dad I’m fucking deceased

“Just keepin it real, son” broooo

Does anyone remember at one point in this series Edward and Jacob just fucking switched Bella off like what the shit was that was I just hallucinating

They cooked for her :(

How long has it been since they cooked

Esme is my soul mate

We NEVER use the kitchen

Jesus CHRIST Rosalie chill the FUCK out

Calm down you FUCKING drama queen

Please don’t kill me lol

Alice you Sapphic ass coming in on a fuckin tree branch

“Bella and I are gonna become great friends” does... does she KNOW. You know bc she can see the future

Alice is so cheery oh god

I too would be dramatic enough to frame all of my several graduation caps

I don’t... sleep

Like he doesn’t even need a chair like their legs never get tired. If they wanted to they could just stand every second of every day

Edward it is the 21st century catch up on the tunes, man

The face she made when he twirled her lmaooo

“I’ll MAKE you dance” .... alright

Why did they like. Move midair

This tree jumping shit just does not look scientifically accurate

“This kind of stuff just doesn’t exist” ... the woods?

Let’s sit in a fucking tree and just talk forever

I wonder who wrote the song Edward wrote. It’s actually... good???

Why is the footprint on top of this fucking mound of dirt lol

Hey hey you You I don’t like your boyfriend

I would kill for Charlie

No one like ACTUALLY questions why a HUMAN foot print is found in the murder scene

“Go SOCIALIZE”

He just fucking comes out of nowhere fuck

How much time does this movie take the course over “only the last couple months” ????

“There’s always something I wanted to try” *kisses bella* you gonna tell me you’re 100+ years old and a virgin???????

This kissing scene must have been so awkward

He just fucking. Zooms back into the wall

Does Charlie not hear any of this???

Edward. She needs to sleep bro

I’m sorry but if my partner never slept I would never sleep with them like don’t fucking watch me sleep the shit???

He just fucking loves his gun

What is he doing over his head ??

We’re just gonna play a family game of baseball lol

Charlie cares so much :(

Charlie doesn’t even question that they’re going to play baseball in a thunderstorm

The baseball scene is in my top iconic scenes in cinematic history

Why do they keep the field so small if they hit the ball so far ???

Emmet my fuckboy baby

When emmet and Edward collide. Iconic.

These gay ass Mfers and their dramatic entrances

Why is putting her hair up going to help. It’s not her hair they smell it’s her blood? Right??

Vampires just go around claiming territory??

All around America??

James knows

Why do they hiss....

The fucking Cullen clan all just bend their knees and hiss like what the shit

“I can buckle MYSELF Edward”

This all went 0-100 real quick

Edward step up your acting game. Monotone ass mf

Charlie is so fucking confused

What even is she grabbing

Ok but Charlie’s so supportive of her and like all he cares about is her being safe oh my god

And he never knows that she didn’t mean any of what she said :((((((

That would fucking kill me oh my god poor Charlie

When they land on her truck... where are they coming FROM...

“Her kind” ... gingers?

Rosalie has a point...

Laurent was just a third wheel

Why do they drive so fast

How the hell was Bella even going to explain this to her mom??? What was her plan.

James.... Jesus your fucking face...

How did he get into the high school

You fucking dumbass you just gonna. Fight a fucking vampire? What is her plan? Fight him? Show up and take her mom and get out???

Also how did she even sneak past Alice and jasper

Wait how did he get this video

You dumb as shit bitch!!!

You can’t fight a vampire the fuck!!!

Why is the part where James shoved Edward against the mirror so sexually tense

This whole fucking ballet studio scene is just too dramatic

Why is she convulsing tho. Is that how it is when you turn into a vampire??? You fucking have a seizure???

Alice fucking SNAPPED

This whole series could have ended right here if they just let her fucking change into a vampire right then and there

Shut the fuck up and suck, Edward

Why her face look like.... that

Carlisle just PUSH HIM

Why are the tubes like ON her eyeballs

Edward sleeping... ha

The whole falling down the stairs bullshit story is so fucking ridiculous lmaoooo

“You’re texting” this movie is so old

Which leg is broken???

I almost killed you lol sorry. Also get the fuck out of Forks

Bella: *insert lady from lipstick in valentino bag vine*

Ok so her right leg is in the cast but in the hospital she was chillin in the bed with her right leg bent?

Jacob where did you come from lmao

“My dad paid me to come talk to you”

“Also you need to break up with your boyfriend”

The instant tension between Edward and Jacob and Bella is so fucking oblivious

“The wolves descend” REALLY EDWARD

Was their senior prom ever mentioned in the series???

She’s so fucking short omg

This music: A++

No seriously what is with everyone’s dresses being so ugly

“I want you always” bitch you just met like 2 months ago???

Bella is so desperate for the dick that she wants to become a fucking vampire

She actually thought he was gonna bite her at prom lmao????

They kiss so awkwardly

Victoria looks so jealous

And hot

Where is she going

Oh it’s over ok cool gn

[rainscribe]

RP Drabble: Letters to Derek

<blockquote><p><b>characters</b>: John Egbert (Jade’s universe, Homestuck), Various other characters<br><b>relationship</b>: John/Derek<br><b>words</b>: 7,491<br><b>location</b>: Monster-au-stuck<br><b>rating</b>: Mature<br><b>warnings</b>: mentions of <i>sexual content/desire</i>, some <i>violence</i> mentions, but not delved into, mentions of an <i>age-difference</i> relationship. rough draft, un-betad<br><b>summary</b>: John goes on a trip to find all the trolls (except 2), and figure out what the hell he’s doing with his life through writing letters to the person his life has centered on for the past months.&nbsp;</p></blockquote>[[MORE]]<blockquote><p><b>june 17</b></p><p>dear derek, </p></blockquote><p> so. </p><p> jade said i should write you letters while you were gone and at first i &nbsp;thought that was really dumb? but then a part of me was like, fuck yeah! i’ve never written a letter before. there was no need to, right? yet i always wanted to! even in middle and high school i would try really hard to get pen pals because that was the only way i could write letters. </p><p> those never panned out. /:</p><p> anyway, so i guess i’m just going to tell you how my trips are going! </p><p> </p><p> first of all, i haven’t actually traveled out of state yet? i’m on a bus right now heading out, but jade and dave kind of thought i already left to go to far off places. so i told them! hah. (dave kissed me goodbye. it was terrible. you should kiss me when you get back so i remember what good kisses are like.) </p><p> i get distracted way too much. point is! i met some of the local trolls in this area. and a guy who kind of reminded me of you? but a looooooot younger and clearly has not gone through the same shit as you. and also a guy who was kind of shy but seemed cool. </p><p> then there was this DOUCHEBAG of a SLEEZE. like seriously he was hitting on me the whoooooollllle time i was at latula’s auto repair shop. she was really cool! she knew karkat, this really funny, shouty troll that’s basically married to ava (you didn’t hear this from me, though!) </p><p> wait. do you even know about trolls? like this is not the magical supernatural kind of troll. this is the alien kind of troll with candy corn horns and gray skin. eh, i’ll probably inform you about them before you even get this! if i give it to you. i probably should. the mail should always be delivered to its recipient! </p><p> alright but so there was the douchebag whose name was cronus and he had an unlit cigarette in his mouth? he’s so weird. and he has scars like harry potter but he is such a fraud. i could kick his ass. i would have too! but this guy named horuss (another troll! 0: ) stopped me. and latula. </p><p> there were like these three trolls around the area of the mechanic shop. </p><p> and you know how much of a douchebag cronus was? well, he did kind of introduce me to meenah and porrim who are pretty radical people in their own right! </p><p> he was like, ‘hey john, i bet you want to meet some a grade ladies.’ </p><p> i kind of rolled my eyes, and reminded him that i was taken! </p><p> he was just like, ‘that’s ok, that’s ok. these are trolls. i know how all about trolls you are.’ </p><p> then he takes me out. like to dinner. he literally did. but i couldn’t say no? because he <i>was</i> going to take me to meet some troll ladies. i made sure of that. also, the restaurant he took me to was high grade shit. i feasted that night. and maybe got a little tipsy off of some really bubbly champagne? it was so light, my tongue <i>danced</i>. damn. i really need to remember what it was called? because i want you to try it! </p><p> afterwards, his friends stumbled upon us, singing and laughing on the street towards their establishment. meenah was mad at me for some reason? i can’t remember but she still let me sleep on her couch. she’s very prickly towards me and then she stuffs my face full of pancakes. it’s hilarious. porrim is a bit more mature? but then she kicks everyone’s ass at mario kart. even latula! it was hilarious. </p><p> then she and latula

got in a cuddle pile while meenah and cronus hooted before getting kicked out. it was kind of awkward to stick around after that! so i grabbed this bus, and i’m taking it down to las vegas. B) </p><p> ill tell you all about it! im really more interested about the magic shows than the gambling, although, i’m curious to try my luck. o:</p><p>love,</p><p>john</p><p>note: i wonder how good rose would be at gambling? </p><p>note 2: the champagne was called ca’del bosco cuvee prestige brut, franciacorta for future reference! </p><hr><blockquote><p><b>june 19</b></p><p>dear derek, </p></blockquote><p> heh i almost wrote deer. deer derek. that would be the exact opposite of what you are. so cute i’d eat you all up. and out. in a sexual innuendo-y way? </p><p> damn. vegas is... not the best place to go alone? it basically throws it in your face that you’re a loser and alone. there’s strippers in pretty much every gambling house, and it’s like yeah ok that’s nice and all, but my boyfriend is so much hotter and i’d rather see him stripping? not that i stayed and watched. it was... awkward. uh. yeah... </p><p> the magic shows were really cool, though! although... most of them weren’t reeealyl magic. but that’s the cool thing! theyre pretendin g to be magicians through sligth of hand and like foolin everyone. it’s ridicuoulously funny! i hahaha m laughi n too much. everything is hilarioius. hilarious. hiclarious. </p><p> shit im too durnk to finsh this. looooovvev you</p><p> wow that was embarrassing. i actually fell asleep on this letter. i’m so glad i’m not handing this over. this is amazingly embarrassing. las vegas is cool but bring a friend. moral of the story. </p><p>love,</p><p>john</p><hr><blockquote><p><b>june 21</b></p><p>dear derek,</p></blockquote><p> i met kanaya. </p><p> i feel like that should be a sentence in and of itself. its importance is there on the table for you to take it up, or just let it stay. </p><p> in this case you’re going to pick it up because kanaya? is so amazing. like you’re amazing, but then kanaya is Amazing. she uses a fucking <i>chainsaw</i> to do like tree designs? she is a lumberjack in disguise as the classiest sith in existence? i feel like rose would have fun trying to figure out how <i>that</i> happened. </p><p> speaking of rose she’s the one who told me to go meet her? as a favor for jade who knew karkat who is a worry wart. literal worry wart. he is a wart. </p><p> but kanaya fed me and made me tea and was very nice in general even when i trolled her and she had nooooo clue! i pranked her.</p><p> i know it was wrong. it’s bad manners to prank someone in their own house! but she was asking for it, derek! she was so... so... like okay she is sassy. the SASSIEST. but then she like stands so upright and makes you feel like you’re wearing a potato sack. which i would look amazing in. kanaya is just jealous that i can make a potato sack look good! &gt;:) </p><p> i just HAD to prank her. and when the bucket landed on her head... she blushed SO HARD. i took a picture. i sent it to karkat. his reaction was JUST AS HILARIOUS. like look at this shit:</p><p> Karkat: JOHN. I’M GOING TO POLITELY ASK YOU TO FUCKING BLOCK ME FROM YOUR PHONE. FOREVER. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. </p><p> he actually blocked me! i can’t believe it!! rude!!! </p><hr><blockquote><p><b>june 23</b></p><p>dear derek,</p></blockquote><p> i’m in texas!! </p><p> i feel like i had to write you a special letter from this special state that you were in for like... twenty years? nineteen? i’m not even sure how long you were here for. </p><p> anyway, so karkat finally unblocked me. long enough to school me in why it was rude to send bucket pictures of someone he regards as a friend (and maybe more?? he didn’t make it very clear.) to him. i guess it threw him in such a good yelling spree that ava says i’m banned from their house. :( </p><p> i’m waiting at the airport right now. my flight should be here in a bit. i’m going to florida because that’s where the zombie apocalypse is going to start and i need to know the layout of the land, but

it’s kind of boring here.</p><p> annnnd i may be in a grumpy mood because all of these people meeting and hugging is making me irritated. maybe it’s because i know i probably won’t get a similar greeting from you? that’s gross, i know. ew, john, pda. besides, jade and dave will greet me. </p><p> maybe i’ll kiss dave. show him how a kiss should really be!</p><p> not in front of willow, though. the poor child. we must protect her from the pda.</p><p> my flight isn’t for another hour, and i’m so bored. i don’t even have anything interesting to write about except that i’m in texas. maybe i’ll draw you something? </p><p> [insert badly drawn art of a wolf]</p><p> hahaha that fucking sucks. sweet bro and hella woof. </p><p> [new drawing of sweet bro on a hella jeff wolf]</p><p> look at this fucking amazing drawing. it should be in l’ouvre. right? right? </p><p> ... </p><p> what... </p><p> the fuck... </p><p> WHAT THE FUCK, DEREK. HOW DID DAVE’S SHITTY WEBCOMIC TURN INTO A MOVIE. I WAS JUST LAUGHING ABOUT THIS, AND I LOOK UP AND THERE’S SHITTY JPEG PIXELATION OF SWEET BRO AND HELLA JEFF ON A BILLBOARD. </p><p> how did his webcomic make it to this world??? IS YOUR LIL BRO RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS SHIT?? what the hell. what has come over the world that they would pay twenty bucks to see his webcomic come to life. holy shit. </p><p> oh. well... that was an interesting way of wasting an hour. i’ll talk to you later.</p><p>love you, </p><p>john</p><hr><blockquote><p><b>june 24</b></p><p>dear derek, </p></blockquote><p> FLORIDA IS TERRIBLE AND AMAZING ALL AT ONCE. </p><p> seriously, though? fuck florida. i’m pretty sure everyone i met is secretly a crocodile. especially this toothy detective i stumbled upon. quite literally. </p><p> i was just minding my own business being a tourist and she comes over like you just committed a crime! and i said what? because i’m pretty sure i wasn’t even JAYWALKING. </p><p> and she said that she was pretty sure loitering around like a bumbling dunce was a crime in her jurisdiction and i said well if that’s the case then you should arrest yourself! (ooooooo!)</p><p> she laughed. swallowed her donut. (whole! the whole fucking thing. i am not even lying. you can see it in action yourself!) then went to her police car, which was actually being driven by someone else. she’s blind, you see! which makes no sense on how she would know i was loitering!</p><p> here i was hoping florida would be nice. :( but i guess it’s true. all floridians are secretly crocodiles. </p><p>love, </p><p>john</p><hr><blockquote><p><b>june 25</b></p><p>dear derek, </p></blockquote><p> terezi pyrope is terrible. utterly. terrible. </p><p> you know what the first thing she said to me was? like after the whole loitering business in the previous letter. she said, “ew, smells like dog.” and then she pinched her nose. </p><p> like seriously? how rude! i mean, at that point she kind of knew i was a werewolf. </p><p> see. she, well, she... alright! she fucking caught me naked, and was like that’s illegal and profane, get in the car. cause i guess she’s a cop detective. whatever. see what happened was... i didn’t have a hotel to sleep in? and i was like no big deal! i can live in the great outdoors in fucking florida and be fine! that was SUCH a stupid idea, derek, you have NO idea. first off, let me repeat myself. FLORIDA IS TERRIBLE. there’s CROCODILES, and SNAKES, and all sorts of evil things. why i thought it would fun sleeping outside instead of in a hotel, i don’t know, but i won’t make THAT mistake again. </p><p> and you know what i did that was even worse than that? i shifted. i took off my clothes and shifted. when i woke up in the morning, i was butt naked and terezi fucking pyrope had my clothes held hostage. she was in jogging clothes then so i guess she was taking a morning hike in the park, and she spied me. then she waited until i woke up, and made the comment about how i smelled like dog, and that i was violating public decency laws!!! </p><p> she almost threw me in jail. :( </p><p> your boyfriend is a criminal, i am so sorry,

derek. </p><p> but i got her back! for the smell comment, i mean. </p><p> i was like well you smell like a bug so that must mean you’re a troll! </p><p> she laughed, and took me to out to eat after giving me back my clothes. i got her up to date on what happened with karkat, and she asked about the guy whose glamour i had? i couldn’t really tell her much about that, though. just that karkat gave it to me, and that had her frowning. like she was concerned or something. beats me!</p><p> she made some unnecessary rude faces at me, too. but i eventually convinced her to move to seattle because i’m awesome. and she told me that there was a troll up in canada that i should find? (i’m on a plane heading up there now!) she chuckled evilly, so i’m not sure if i trust her or what. </p><p> also i’m actually not sure what bugs smell like? but that’s what trolls smell like. why does your universe have so many bug humanoids? even my alt is part bug. which is kind of weird! because i can’t imagine myself being a fairy. although, the fact that he’s a lightning bug is pretty cool. they’re charming bugs. if i had to pick a bug, i’d pick that. but it’s still weird!</p><p> and i kind of wonder what dave’s bro was like in my universe! if i would have liked him like i love you. but from what dave has said, he kind of sounds like a total dick, and in the worst of ways, despite the way dave tries to make it SOUND positive. like i understand that he doesn’t want his guardian to sound terrible, and wants to treasure the memory, but he kind of is terrible! and abusive. and manipulative. (i don’t think i could love that kind of person.)</p><p> but your dave said that he was getting some memories from my dave, so i wonder if you’re getting memories from his bro? i hope not. you’re supposed to be going through therapy to help you with your control. not needing more therapy to help sort out any fucked up memories that might have you confusing your own experiences. especially with dave. because i know that argument really had you questioning how you treated him! but i trust that you aren’t as bad as his bro. i <i>know</i> you’re not. </p><p> honestly, though, sometimes i wonder why my dad lived while Rose, Jade, and Dave all lost their guardians and had to go through some sort of social services. like! i know i was adopted, too, but it happened when i was really young so i barely remember anything. when rose’s mom died, rose lived by herself, and actually did well maintaining the lie that her mom hadn’t died really well until she came to school drunk once. </p><p> they found out everything then, and forced her to stay in social services until they found a good family (impossible when she was fifteen and no one wanted to adopt a kid that old), or until she was eighteen, and they couldn’t keep her. </p><p> then you have dave who went through a couple of terrible people, and decided, fuck it, and escaped. of course, he ended up in a gang. </p><p> jade said she ended up getting emancipated from the system. but that was after going through a couple of people, and being able to live off her inheritance. </p><p> huh, rose received an inheritance, too. i wonder why dave didn’t? </p><p> anyway. this letter has gotten kind of long and rambly, so i guess i’m going to cut it off here. the plane is landing soon in new york too. after that i will be in the country of the ‘eh!’ also, maple syrup. i should buy some and mail it to the house! yeah! </p><p> we’ll make pancakes when we’re both home! see you later!</p><p>love,</p><p>john</p><hr><blockquote><p><b>june 28</b></p><p>dear derek, </p></blockquote><p> man! new york is so cool! i went and saw the statue of liberty, and went up in the empire state building. it’s <i>amazing</i>! i was so high up!! i wish i could fly. it would be sooo cool. why aren’t there any <i>flying</i> werewolves? </p><p> even dave can fucking levitate, but you don’t see him doing it that often! it’s a waste of being able to levitate! :( </p><p> but!! i did see a magic show, and people did some moves through the air. they were attached to a

cord, i think?? (unless they were supernatural! O: ) and yeah they did some neat things. i want to do neat things like that. like fake flying. fake magic. i wouldn’t mind any of it at all. although <i>real</i> flying would be better than fake flying. </p><p> oh, and there were a couple of other places i stopped by?? i actually decided to take a bus from new york to canada because i wanted to see niagra falls! it was being advertised as one of the biggest falls in the u.s.? even though it’s really not that big. they’re just long! but it was really cool. i even got to go behind the falls and got a rinky dink yellow rain jacket for my time. </p><p> there were a lot of people getting married there, too. or proposing. i guess it’s a really attractive place to proclaim your love to someone? huge ass waterfalls in the background and a diamond ring to tell you i will love you for as long as the waterfalls remain. </p><p> i wonder what would happen if the falls collapsed. would their love vanish? would their hearts break? this is why you can’t rely on physical things for love. not even the stars last forever. jupiter might, though. didn’t shakespeare do a sonnet about love? do i compare thee to a evening something or other. shakespeare died but his sonnets (and plays) will last forever.</p><p> i don’t think i’ll be able to write something so powerfully gay to you, so i won’t. because i can’t write. i’ll leave that up to rose.</p><p>love,</p><p>john</p><p>p.s. don’t ask rose a general question like, did shakespeare write sonnets because she will chew your head off and read all of his sonnets to you.</p><hr><blockquote><p><b>june 30</b></p><p>dear derek,</p></blockquote><p> i don’t... </p><p> canada... </p><p> ... </p><p> i... words are escaping me. </p><p> like tavros. TAVROS. is just as bad as terezi. he is terribad. but in this nerdy way that drives me up the wall. no wonder terezi was smiling evilly!! between her and tavros i’m at my wits end with these trolls!!! </p><p> at least terezi was willing to move to washington. tavros was like ...hahaha... that sounds interesting but if you’re gathering up all the trolls, then i think not. and he goes back to playing the troll equivalent of poKEMON!!! </p><p> and when i said that humans came up with pokemon first, he was all, trolls have been around longer than you have, so i’m pretty sure we came up with it first. </p><p> i just can’t believe him!</p><p> i’m so fucking glad i’m leaving canada!! </p><p>john</p><hr><blockquote><p><b>july 2</b></p><p>dear derek,</p></blockquote><p> i stopped by... well. your house as i was passing through on my way to hawaii! well technically, i’m on my way to japan. but i’m going to hawaii first! it’s going to be awesome! </p><p> but i saw jade, dave, and willow on my way through, and it looks like they’re all doing fine! willow already has a tooth cut through and she’s looking really adorable. she has a lot more hair now. and her eyes have set on taking after dave’s. it’s about time some features of his started showing through. the harleybert genes are strong. B) </p><p> i missed being there surprisingly! your bed still smelled like you. it is pretty big. hard to get all of your manly smell out of it no matter how hard i rolled around in it and tried to cover it up with <i>my</i> manly smells. :) </p><p> it was actually difficult to leave! for like a day. then rose was like, john you must be in japan at this certain spot when the aligns to meet the next trolls, and i was like ok, cool! japan seems awesome. this seemed important! </p><p> see, what i’ve kind of been doing with this trip is getting an idea of where all the trolls are at. they don’t necessarily have to move to washington (and if they do decide to do that, we’re having them live with mom!), but we’d kind of like to know a more specific location on where they’re all at. and maybe get updated contact information, lol. </p><p> i think rose is even creating a group facebook so we can all keep in contact! which is a pretty fucking good idea. oh, and jim john is also working on it, too. so is

the other rose? they’re all very good at the whole predict-y thing. i don’t even know sometimes. they just tell me where to go, and i go. that’s all. </p><p> not too much excitement going on right now, though! so i’ll talk to you later. after hawaii B)</p><p>love,</p><p>john</p><p>p.s. i’ll make sure i take a hot picture for you! B) </p><hr><blockquote><p>[Postcard with the Hawaiian islands on the side. Attached with a paperclip is a picture of john in regular clothes by a volcano. fireworks are going off in the background.]</p><p><b>july 4</b></p><p>derek! </p></blockquote><p>hawaii is fantastic! wish you were here! i hope you enjoy the super hot pic! xoxoxo</p><hr><blockquote><p><b>july 9</b></p><p>dear derek,</p></blockquote><p> hey! i’m in japan right now! i am extremely sadden that there’s no anime japan. i was seriously thinking i’d see totoro here!! i’m so disappointed. </p><p> heh, just kidding. but japan sure is different than what i expected. i dunno. i guess it’s just the language barrier that got to me? that oh i really am out of my country feel. it’s a good thing we didn’t go here first, or you would have worst off. cars are backwards AND a different language you can barely understand? it would have been bad, pfff. </p><p> it’s still really amazing, though! i went to tokyo tower, and saw some of the sights. i ate ramen in a ramen booth and felt like naruto for a minute. that’s where i met rufioh! he’s a pretty chill dude. doesn’t seem to have much backbone, but i liked him. and damara! i liked her, too. she seemed pretty nice despite the illegal amounts of weed she smoked. is weed illegal in japan? </p><p> i don’t know. but yeah she DEFINITELY did not want to come back. when i even suggested it, she gave me the vilest look, and if it weren’t for rufioh, she’d have... well. done really bad things to me! </p><p> there was a summer festival going on, and i didn’t have a kimono, but i got to join in. damara looked really pretty in a kimono! she took it off shortly after it started and i think some people were kind of scandalized. not because she was naked, but i guess you’re supposed to look kind of nice for these festivals? and she was definitely wearing a very short school girl outfit with her midriff showing. she seemed pretty happy, though. i kind of feel really sympathetic towards her? for some reason? </p><p> anyway, they let me stay for a little while, and showed me some of the other neat things about tokyo. it was nice. i liked learning about the tokyo you don’t often see about in anime. i feel like you would enjoy japan if you became more comfortable with traveling? i even bought you a shitty samurai sword, and shipped it back home. </p><p>love,</p><p>john</p><p>p.s. don’t tell my dad, but i tried the weed.</p><hr><blockquote><p><b>july 12</b></p><p>dear derek,</p></blockquote><p> hey! i’m going to be doing a lot of traveling between here (tibet) to maybe europe? yeah. there’s just a lot of take-offs and landings that’ll be happening and shit gets boring, y’know? i have a long flight from here to california, though, so i’m hunkering in for a nice little ride. </p><p> i hadn’t even considered that i could have been asking for first class tickets. sometimes it startles me that jade has SO much money that we could just... not even pay attention to what we’re buying and just buy a fuckton of stuff that’s like hundreds of thousands of dollars, or more! we could buy a fucking island and we wouldn’t even notice that it took a nice skim off the bulk of her money. </p><p> one thing jade told me was that even for as much money they have, we’re still accumulating money, too? from the investments and stocks that were purchased, too. like her grandpa had a really good mind to money! </p><p> also i think she’s taking an interest in checking on what companies we have stocks in, and seeing what we can do to change those companies for the better. she’s always thinking about the future and about what can be done better. it’s amazing. sometimes i wish i had about a sixth of the motivation she has. i haven’t really felt

like there was anything for me to do. i feel like i’ve been so GROUNDED that i don’t have any room to go forward or that there was anything i wanted to do. </p><p> i guess... i feel like i’m stagnating. i’m not flowing or moving or learning or... growing? as a person. as a werewolf? i’m just growing duller and more inactive everyday and it’s driving me up the wall! </p><p> it’s funny because i have been traveling, but the more i’ve been traveling, the more i feel like i’m not getting anywhere. </p><p> ... </p><p> i saw kankri yesterday? i guess he’s related to karkat in some way, but i don’t know. he’s definitely not how i pictured a relative of karkat’s acting? other than the never shutting up part. </p><p> he turned down the whole move to washington thing, but told me that i should go to niger. so that’s where i’m going now. </p><p> i’m tired. </p><p>goodnight,</p><p>john</p><hr><blockquote><p><b>july 18</b></p><p>dear derek,</p></blockquote><p> hey. </p><p> sorry i haven’t been writing. like i said... there were a lot of planes to change, and i mostly slept on my flights. i saw terezi again for a little while. crashed on her couch between a flight from california and a flight to morocco. she said she hoped i liked nepeta and that she’d chew my head off, hopefully. </p><p> she was packing up, too, and showed me some younger pictures of glamoured, and unglamoured karkat. it was cute. </p><p> i sent the pictures to ava who was more than happy to receive them, but karkat banned me from the house, so i’ve officially been banned by both members of that household. i feel sort of accomplished with that. </p><p> after terezi’s, i went to morocco, which is absolutely gorgeous. the architecture and colors are divine. the market is really fun. i haggled with a couple of vendors, and manage to get some souvenirs shipped back, too. i make really good investments!</p><p> nepeta was as cute and dangerous as terezi deemed her to be. she’s a werelion? but she only shifts when leo is in the sky. she can’t shift during any other time frame. she had fun hunting me down. i thought i was being fucking stalked by a literal lion, not a fake shifter lion (don’t tell her i said that, she’ll chew my head off). you’ll get to meet her. she said she was interested, and after i gave her some money for an airplane, she decided to head that way. </p><p> then i went to egypt. i saw the pyramids, and didn’t get too taken advantage of. (who am i kidding. they took complete advantage. i can’t hide the fact that i’m an american tourist no matter how dark my skin is. i honestly don’t even mind that much, although i’m pretty sure they thought i was as dull as a rock.) they really like tea in egypt, too? which is kind of surprising, but it shouldn’t be. like basically anything non-western is all over tea, and westerners are all over coffee. pretty funny, considering how tea is supposed to be better for you anyway. </p><p> egypt is hooooooooot, too. not hot like texas hot which is also kind of a wet and humid hot that makes you feel like you’re suffocating, but a heat that’s just really hot. which... is really weird to say. it doesn’t make you sticky, just sweat a lot. i can kind of understand why they wear a lot of clothes now! the clothes contain the coolness of your body in the heat, and also keep the sun off you. which is really good! but i didn’t stay in egypt for too long. i went to greece next, because nepeta asked me to check in on someone very impurrtant to her. </p><p> he worked at a museum in greece which, yknow, showcased the greek statues and shit. at first, he didn’t seem all that interested, especially when i didn’t show proper respect to the relics of the ancient world. (which is funny because under his breath he’d mutter about how even what we considered to be great achievements for humans, they had very little on alternian achievements, especially in the fine arts.) yet, the moment i mentioned nepeta’s name he fucking clams up, and is like oh great master egbert what can i do for you? if only you’ll tell me where she’s at. </p><p> so i told

him she was in washington, and i saw him run off to his work office to put in his two weeks, or tell them he was quitting or something. i don’t know. i kind of didn’t care at that point? i was just glad that it was taken care of. </p><p> so that’s what i was up to until now, basically. it’s all been rather boring despite the sites. i’ve taken to couch hopping, and whenever someone tells me i should go somewhere, i just go? because what else am i going to do? </p><p> i haven’t really heard anything from home, so i guess this will work for now. </p><p> there’s a beer festival or something happening in germany tomorrow. i’m in austria right now, but i think i’ll stop by and see if anything catches my interest. </p><p>love,</p><p>john </p><hr><blockquote><p><b>july 20</b></p><p>dear derek,</p></blockquote><p> heheheeeee i’mmmmm drunk agian. i met thsi girl trlol named vriask and we haad a fight! but with abeet bert. beer. tryin ta out do each other ykonw? </p><p> and now i’m crasshed at her uh </p><p> place? </p><p> car? </p><p> i dunno what it is. too big ta be a car??? i’m so confusde. anway dont matter. what mATTERS is the iMPORTANT things in lief. and how much i lovvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vv vv ve ya. is that enogh v? i think so. </p><p> viraks was tellin me abutt how she lovd the tavroos guy. idk why he sucKS but like shhe did? idk toot drunk to make out waht shes talkin’ about but it was funny. i think? i think everything is funny right now. </p><p> except how fukcing turned on i am and how ur not here. i mayb cry bc your not here to help my bonr. but not really. just cry cause im lonely which is wierd. casue brskira is here yknow? </p><p> id kiss you allllllllll over and jsut touch. idonteven want ta get off. nah thats a lie i toets do.hahaha vriska just belched gdo shes hialarioous. </p><hr><blockquote><p><b>july 28, 4pm</b></p><p>dear derek,</p></blockquote><p> it feels weird not writing to you for so long! i’ve kind of been busy. and vriska won’t let me write to you when i’m drunk! (thank goodness, to be honest.) </p><p> i thought i was going to be so bored in europe, but i’m like the exact opposite! it’s great. and a lot of that has to do with vriska.</p><p> she has all these irons in the fire, and she asks for my input too, but i’ve kind of been traveling with her. she’s been helping me out a lot, too! she said i looked utterly pitiable and that i should be lucky that she’s going out of her way to help me. </p><p> i know that sounds kind of mean, but vriska has such a personality that it’s hard for her to be nice to anyone if it doesn’t look like she’s gaining something out of it. it’s funny how hard she tries to make it look like she doesn’t care. </p><p> we’ve been to so many places, derek, it’s hard to believe. europe is pretty. it’s done a lot of recovery since world war ii but you can see where it’s still affected some areas. we mostly avoided those areas. vriska said they were lame. </p><p> so! we went and visited a lot of neat places. mostly breweries. vriska really likes beer for some reason? even in italy she just wanted to go to the wine houses! which was fine because while she was at the wine houses, i went to venice. i <i>really</i> wish you could see venice some day. it’s beautiful. there’s canals everywhere, and statues of different beings. </p><p> i would have thought with it being such a magical looking place, there would be a lot of supes there? but it felt... static... of any magic. there was nothing really supernatural about it. i guess that’s because when people go there, they’re ready to believe anything. even if it doesn’t fit in with their world. </p><p> we watched a bunch of wrestlers in rome. vriska gambled on a bunch of different teams, and won us a lot of loot. she didn’t seem happy when she learned that i was only bumming it around because i was bored, and not that i was actually broke. she got mad? like the money she made wasn’t important i guess. but i told her any money was good money, and that it technically wasn’t my money, and she got over it. she’s a prideful troll! </p><p> oddly

enough, she’s been helping me with the whole stagnated feeling, though? keeping her in check is a lot more interesting! but i get the feeling that i’m just passing on the whole complete focus thing from you to someone else. (not like <i>that</i>, though. i don’t find vriska attractive in those regards!)</p><p> but like in paris, we went shopping, and we splurged a little (sorry, jade!), then i went and did a little magic show to these kids outside with vriska and it was just?? really great?! i missed doing slight of hand. i made so many kids smile, even adults! it was unreal. </p><p> then we went out and got some balloons and just aired up hundreds of them with helium before letting them go.</p><p> i think france kind of hates us, now! they didn’t really like what we did. afterwards, we went out into the country where they were doing an air ballon show, and we actually got to ride in them! it was really great. </p><p> right now, we’re heading to spain. she says she wants to take some pictures of bulls for tavros, and i’m pretty sure i understand where she’s going with <i>that</i>. (tavros has bull horns.)</p><p> it’s pretty mean, but he’s also a douche so i can’t help wanting to do it, too. i think vriska was more than a douche to tavros, though, so i’ll let her take the pics, then delete the images when she gets drunk off her victory later. </p><p> rose called and told me i need to go to england soon! so i’ll probably do that, but when i told vriska that, she made a face. she has absolutely no interest in leaving the continental europe, so i don’t know if i’ll see her in washington or not!</p><p> i hope so. i really like hanging out with her. there’s only a few more trolls to get information from, though, so i’ll hopefully be home soon! i miss you, and i can’t wait to see you when i get back. although, i’m thinking i’m going to have to find more to do than just... </p><p> did i ever tell you why i started traveling? </p><p> shit! can’t tell you right now. tell you later. </p><hr><blockquote><p><b>july 28, 11pm</b></p></blockquote><p> sorry about that! our ride was about to leave, and we just got to our dinky hotel room. it’s so small! there’s two single sized beds, and like barely a closet of a bathroom. vriska chooses the <i>worst</i> places to stay. i think she either goes to the richest, most luxurious place she can find, or the scummiest. there is no in-between with her. but! we’re really close to the bull ring, and that’s a bonus.</p><p> anyway, so. why i even did this thing. hell, you might learn before i even hand this wad of papers over. (still debating on that! especially the drunk ones. man, i don’t know if i was just lonely, or if i wanted to write some thirteen year olds smut fantasy... but... yeah. if i were writing smut, i’d probably mention something about your <i>rippling</i> abs. c; ) </p><p> wow. i really don’t want to tell you this. </p><p> so i’m going to do it, anyway. </p><p> what happened, was that in my boredom, i found out some rumors that this one house outside the city was haunted, and so i decided to go to see if i could find anything. with jade. honestly, i’m starting to feel really bad about this because it was the night dave proposed and everything. like they had <i>sex</i> in the <i>living room</i>. with fancy cushions and marshmallow creme... i... don’t even want to know where they put the creme at holy shit. (we should do that...) </p><p> so jade and i went out to investigate the haunted house and some kids were there, too. i think they were about fifteen or sixteen? maybe older, and well. when the paranormal stuff <i>really</i> started happening, i.. tried to scare them out, so <i>i</i> could face the ghost. by myself. or with jade. i just wanted to do. </p><p> so the ghost got pissed off at <i>me</i>. because that was its job. not mine. and i ended up channeling some werewolf hunting instinct. jade had to cover for me, and thank goodness for the ghost because it stopped me from doing anything really bad. </p><p> i know, i know, you’re going to berate and get onto me, and shit. DAVE

already did that, though, so you’re covered. please don’t berate me. the age thing will just make it weird. i wish it wouldn’t, but that’s... really the worst thing about the differences in our age! sometimes it feels like you’re lecturing me like i’m a naughty child when... i’m supposed to be your partner. /: </p><p> i try not to let it get to me cause i know you don’t want it to come off this way! i can only hope the older i get the less weird it seems, but i don’t know if that’s going to be possible? i love you, either way, you massive nerd. </p><p> anyway, vriska is nagging at me, and saying that it’s time for bed so we can go and take... blackmail? pics tomorrow. i don’t know how it’s blackmail when the content has nothing to do with the person, but instead in degrading way? i think she has that wrong, but she’s getting in her i don’t care, mr. grammar. excuse you, it’s not mr. grammar, but ms. grammar, and that’s rose! d: </p><p>love, </p><p>john</p><hr><blockquote><p><b>august 2</b></p><p>dear derek,</p></blockquote><p> holy shit is vriska’s... relative... annoying. she’s like kankri, but at least some of what she has to say is informative? she kind of explained how the aliens got here, anyway. all like, our world was destroyed, and a massive amount of trolls had no where to go, our empire was dying, so our empress found this happy little earth planet, and decided to move in. </p><p> if you can’t tell, i’m writing this as she’s talking. she thinks i’m taking notes. sike! i’m writing to my boyfriend under the teacher’s nose. :P </p><p> it was actually interesting until she started talking about romance? i guess trolls have like four different kinds of romance. and i’m just like, oh yeah, that’s great. somehow it’s supposed to be better than ours, but i don’t really think it is. or maybe it’s just like people who want labels for everything? a better way to describe what it is you’re feeling? </p><p> i don’t think i’m very interested in labeling what i am. i love and am attracted to you, but i also find ladies lovely and attractive, so i guess that technically makes me bi, but i’d rather just be john, and not have a bunch of labels stuck to me. i guess i can understand how other’s find them useful. some people like taking all sorts of online quizzes to put themselves in these little boxes! </p><p> but i’d rather just go with the flow and be whoever i want to be instead of trying to pin it down to one thing! except if i were to ever be labeled as a wizard. i would OWN that. </p><p> dammit. i better pay attention and find a spot where i can escape at so that aranea doesn’t keep me here for a month. i’m going to scotland, then ireland! last stop is iceland. 8) </p><p>love,</p><p>john</p><hr><blockquote><p><b>august 6</b></p><p>dear derek,</p></blockquote><p> i think this will be my last letter! i’m on a plane heading home, thank goodness. i think vriska would have liked scotland and ireland more than me. i wonder why she was so anxious to not go with me the rest of the way? maybe she didn’t want to meet her relative? </p><p> yeah, i’m like 99% sure that was definitely the case. </p><p> hehehe i got in a brawl with a scottish dude at the pub, and afterwards we exchanged numbers and addresses when i told him that i had been writing letters during the trip. (he’s a werewolf <i>too</i>! it was SO cool. i wish i had gotten up to scotland sooner cause then we could have gone out on the full moon together, but he said it was probably for the best! he might have gotten too territorial to notice that i was a friendly werewolf. </p><p> ... i’m trying to pull thoughts together, but i’m really tired. hold on...</p><p> annnnd back. i just needed a nap. :) </p><p> so scotland was a ton of fun! as was ireland! i got on a bus tour kind of thing? and basically, wow. ireland is like those covers you see on older romance novels (i saw them at karkat’s house!) where it was historical and shit, and there are lovely irish lasses who are taken in by i... don’t know. guys. dudes. (dudes with <i>rippling</i> abs. (; ) just to note, karkat may

have read one of them out loud to me. i may not have been listening in the entirety. </p><p> then there was iceland, which was so relaxing. i went to one of the hot springs. i felt so clean and rejuvenated after that when i met nepeta’s relative, i wasn’t even weirded out by how she somehow managed to use her phone to gif at me as part of her sign language. i think i understood the hand motions better than what the gifs were supposed to represent? she asked about my love life, and was really bummed when i told her i was taken. and then she somehow was under the impression that i still needed other people? </p><p> that was when the whole four romance thing clicked, and i was like <i>shit</i>. she’s going to try and get me hooked up in the other romances. i managed to get her side tracked by asking about her favorite ships, and her tumblr, and yoinked a phone number. i think it’ll be easier communicating to her on tumblr, to be honest. </p><p> she and aranea didn’t seem all that interested in coming along, though, which is <i>fine by me</i>. the more those two plus kankri stay away, the happier everyone except maybe rose will be. </p><p> i’m really excited just to come home! i can’t wait to lay in bed, and just... sleep for a couple of days. maybe you’ll be there? i kind of hope not in a way, i think i need to sleep for forty-eight hours at home in order to feel ready to talk to you. i’m acting like something happened between us? but i guess nothing really did. maybe i’m just still bummed that you left without saying goodbye? although, i get why you did it. </p><p> either way, it’ll be good to be home, and i hope therapy is helping you out. </p><p>love,</p><p>john</p>

[bethlehembroclub-blog]

chapter 1 - it’s beginning to look a lot like christmas

written by @sweatereddies​ and @gingerbreddie​ 

word count: 2.9k

pairings: reddie, stenbrough, benverly

warnings: swearing, drug/alcohol use, pineapples on pizza

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new chapters every day in december, follow us for future updates!

Eddie Kaspbrak was late for class. While this was not an entirely unheard of event, it was uncommon, and frustrating enough to ruin his morning. He cursed both his manager and the powers that be as he glared at the patrons in line, each of them feeling just as impatient as he. He had told his manager explicitly that he needed to leave the shop with enough time to get to campus, but because of the rush not only had he lost his travel time but it was now five minutes past when he knew his lecture had been started. Shooting his coworker a pleading look, he was only met with a mouthed “I'm sorry” before they both dove back into the rush. Eddie sighed to himself.

This is gonna be a long day.

______________________________________________________________

“So you're not going to your aunt’s this year?”

“Nah. She has to work super early for Black Friday and doesn't wanna do all the work for two people.”

“That makes sense.” Ben carefully avoided the unsaid question between them, instead choosing the safer but not quite completely safe option. “You know, if you're bored or whatever on the day you're more than welcome to come to mine. My mom and my aunt make more than enough for the five of us.”

“Thanks for the invite, I’ll consider it.” Bev smiled at him over her notebook.

“Plus, the Kappa boys and i are having a sort of “friendsgiving” at the house the day after if you want to join.”

“What, no crazy shopping spree?” Bev smirked, raising an eyebrow.

“No, I'm leaving that to Stan and Eddie. I think they're taking Chris this year, though.” Ben laughed.

“Well, if they hit up radio shack tell them to ask for Linda.” Beverly chortled, turning her page and focusing back in on their work. “God, this project is gonna kill me.” She sighed, changing the subject.

Ben let her. “I don't know, it's not that big.”

“To you, mister three-point-eight.” She griped. “Some of us dummies have a much harder time with this shit.”

“Oh come on Bev, you're not dumb.” Ben replied, genuinely.

“Yeah, well, my GPA begs to differ.” She muttered, starting her paragraph. Ben smiled softly, before picking up his pen and doing the same.

______________________________________________________________

“Stan, thank fuck.” Eddie breathed into the phone as he continued power-waking at full speed.

“Christ Eddie, it's eight in the morning, what's got you so heated?” Stan grumbled tiredly into the phone.

“The fact that it's eight in the morning and I'm not in class right now. My dumbass manager didn’t let me out on time and I’m late. Do you have the car today?” Eddie panted, sprinting across a crosswalk.

“No, Tyler took it home for the next two weeks remember? No one’s-”

“Shit!” Eddie cursed, skidding to a stop near the bus station. “I’m gonna have to get a fucking Uber or something-”

“At eight in the morning? Good fucking luck.” Stan sighed. “Need me to call you one?”

“No…” Eddie sighed, watching a bus pulled up near him, the marquee reading the neighborhood near the college. “I’ve got it covered.”

______________________________________________________________

“So you guys don’t have any plans this weekend? Seriously? It’s end of term, bro!” Bev laughed as she and Ben walked to the campus coffee shop.

“Eddie said, and I quote, ‘if one of you fuck heads drags me to some dumb rager the night after I finish the semester, I will push you off the roof of said frat house.’” Ben said in a mock high-pitched voice, imitating Eddie’s classic Grumpy Tone.

“It’s that bad, huh?”

“I think Trig broke him. He was screaming along to an Enya song at like, three in the morning last week.”

“Who even does that?” Bev laughed.

“Someone whose brain has officially been fried.” Ben sighed. “He’ll be fine after the break. He just needs to relax.”

“Is he going home for the holidays?” Bev hugged her books to her chest, shrugging her purse strap back up onto her shoulder.

Ben shook his head. “I don’t think so. He’s been blowing off all his mother’s calls. Besides, I think he has work.”

“What about Stan?”

“Fourth quarter. He couldn’t get a day off if he died.”

“Corporate America hath its brutal ways.” Bev sighed dramatically. “Well, I think I might be joining you guys for this “friendsgiving” you’ve coordinated.”

“We’ll be happy to see you there.” Ben smiled.

“On one condition.” Bev smiled mischievously. “You need to get the boys to come with you,” she gently poked his chest, “And I,” she turned her finger to herself. “To the End of Semester party the Omega Nu’s are having this weekend.”

Ben raised an eyebrow. “Seriously? You want us at a party?”

“Of course. It’s only gonna be the greatest party on the block.”

“On our block more like. Aren’t the Omega Nu’s across the street from us?”

“And one down!” Bev joked.

“Wow, a whole house down.” Ben laughed. “I don’t think we’ll much be able to avoid it in that case.”

“So you’ll be there?” She looked at him hopefully.

“Of course I will, but.. I’m not so sure about the boys.” He shrugged. “Stan is a toss up, but I’m positive Eddie will say no.”

“Tell him if he wants me at friendsgiving he has to come.” Bev pouted.

Ben sighed. “I’ll see what I can do.” Beverly smiled exuberantly. “But I can’t guarantee anything.”

“Call me for the time, Haystack.” She smiled as they reached the coffee shop. She leaned up and dropped a kiss on his cheek. “See you later.”

“See ya.” He waved as she ducked inside.

______________________________________________________________

The sound of a book slamming down on the table in front of his face jarred Richie Tozier from his sleep.

“W-wake up, asshole. I’m not d-doing this project alone.”

Richie groaned, a hand scrubbing over his face as he arched up. “Fucks sake, Billiam, could you slam that book harder?”

Bill dropped an equally large volume onto the table next to the first, causing Richie’s head to throb all over again.

“Jesus H. Christ Bill, does it not hurt you too?” He pouted.

“It does, but it’s worth it.”

“How come the only sentences you can get through are the ones where you’re making fun of me?” Richie grumbled, squinting up at Bill as he pulled the closest book towards him.

“E-excuse you?” Bill glared, raising an eyebrow as he sat down across the table.

Richie shot him a tempestuous glare, communicating more than enough, but added a middle finger for clarity.

“Shut the fuck up and d-do your section.” Bill griped, pulling his notebook out of his book bag.

“Shut the fuck up and d-d-d-d-d-do your section.” Richie mumbled to himself in a mocking tone, two fingers massaging his temple in desperate hopes of relieving the growing hangover headache. Bill didn’t respond, killing Richie’s need to continue his teasing. He gave in with a sigh, pulling his supplies out of his bag as well.

It took all of five minutes of attempting to study before Richie was over it. He glanced around the library, taking in the filtered sunlight dripping through the high arched windows. Someone across the way tapped an uneven beat with their pencil. A door upstairs closed. A girl from his Trig class crossed the shelves in search of an unknown tome. He watched her as she moved, both distracted and interested. Bill snapped his finger in front of his face.

“Tozier.”

“What?” Richie snapped, eyes still on the girl.

“Wh-what did you get for f-fourteen?”

“Fourteen? Fuck, Bill, I haven’t even gotten one. It’s too hectic in here. I don’t wanna work. Let’s go home.”

“Hectic my a-ass. There’s like, no one here.”

Richie pointed at the girl. “Yeah there is.”

“Oooohh, one o-other person, ‘scuse m-me!” Bill drawled dramatically. “Rich, this is our l-last assignment, p-please. Let’s just get it done.”

“Somewhere else?” Richie pleaded, dropping his head so his chin was resting on his folded arms atop the table.

“Wh-why?” Bill complained, throwing his head back.

“I can’t focus!” Richie whined. “I’m so sick of homework, Big Bill. I wanna party!”

“We p-partied last night.” Bill griped.

“I know, but that was just the beginning! I wanna go home and work on the bash. We only have a couple of days, we need decorations! Supplies…” He trailed off, giving Bill a strange look.

He shared the expression. “We also only have t-two days left of t-term.” He pressed. “So we have to get this d-d-done.” Resolutely, he turned back to his work.

Richie sighed, tapping a finger on the table in agitation.

He let Bill get about fifteen minutes in, before interrupting again.

“What’re you doing over break, again?”

“I t-told you Rich, I’m not sure yet.”

“I’m gonna stay.” Richie adjusted his position in the library chair, yet again. “I’m sure ole Went will be disappointed but he’ll just have to deal.”

“Your m-mom won’t be?”

“Don’t talk about my mom like that.” Richie joked. Bill looked up incredulously.

“That- wasn’t even a-”

“I’m tired, sue me.”

“Your brain runs on autopilot.”

“I haven’t had my coffee yet.”

“Or a good fuck in awhile, christ.” A new voice joined their conversation. “You look like shit, Tozier.” Mike Hanlon smiled his golden boy smile, swinging a chair around backwards before sitting in next to Richie.

“Mike and Ike, thank the lord! Here to rescue me from the clutches of Big Billiam.” Richie dramatically feigned a faint, leaning heavily on Mike only to be shoved off with a laugh.

“Fat chance. You know you need to do your homework, and you’re not leaving till it’s done.”

“Fine.” He sighed, sitting upright in his seat. “But I’ll have you know, I have indeed been laid plenty.”

“Lies.” Bill and Mike said in unenthusiastic (but accurate) unison.

Richie dramatically placed a hand to his chest. “How DARE-”

“Shut up and work, Rich. We have stuff to do today.” Mike playfully dope-slapped him.

“Like w-what?” Bill looked over at Mike, confused.

Mike gave them both a mischievous smile. “We are now the only frat south of fifth street planning an end of semester blow out.”

Richie pumped a fist. “Yes! How’d you manage it, man?”

“Gave the boys over at Alpha Sig some food for thought.” Mike said nonchalantly, examining his nails. Richie laughed.

“Fuck Mike, that sounds menacing as hell.”

Mike chortled in return. “Get straight Tozier, I didn’t fuckin kill them. I just gave em what they wanted.” He eyed Richie, who finally understood. “So now we will officially be the best party in the whole of college town.”

Bill smiled to himself. “Wh-what about Christmas? D-did they say anything about th-then?”

“Couldn’t get them to spill holiday plans, so it looks like Christmas is still any mans game, but we’ve got the market cornered on end of term.”

“Guys, we’ve got to get holidays too. I want the streak this year!” Richie pleaded. “You’ve got to stay this year, Bill.” Richie turned to him, hands folded in prayer. “Pleeeaaaseeeee please please.”

“F-fine, I’ll stay.” Richie whooped, earning a dirty look from the other patrons. “But only so we can w-win.”

“It’s hilarious how competitive you guys get over this.” Mike shook his head with mirth. “There’s no official contest.”

“Um, unofficial for sure, and who just spent an hour negotiating our party status with the enemy?” Richie quipped.

“Firstly, they’re our classmates, not enemies, and secondly, I did not say I was there for an hour.”

Bill raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, so it was like an hour and a half. You should be thanking me, assholes.”

“We thank you kindly, good sir.” Richie saluted Mike.

“Now do your homework so we can go buy decorations and booze.”

“Now that’s more like it!”

______________________________________________________________

“Honey, I’m ho-ome!” Ben playfully called into the house as he closed the door. One of his roomies, Chris, was sitting on their couch, pounding away at an apparently rousing game of Halo. He grunted noncommittally, barely taking his eyes off the screen. “Eddie and Stan here?”

“Upstairs.” Chris nodded towards the stairwell.

“We got invited to a party this weekend, you in?”

“Leaving Friday, but thanks.”

“No problem.” Ben called behind him as he started up the stairs.

Stan and Eddie’s bedroom door was adorned with a large whiteboard, which often contained doodles and messages the other boys would leave. Ben’s poorly scribbled banana and bird drawings were faded and half erased in the corner, still there from nearly six months ago. The center of the board had been erased (mostly) and bore a new message:

STAY THE FUCK OUT WE’RE STUDYING

Ben laughed to himself, knocking lightly on the door.

“What?!” Came Eddie’s annoyed voice.

“It’s Ben, can I talk to you guys?”

“Yeah, come in.” Stan replied, clearly much less stressed.

Ben swung the door open, only for it to collide with a solid object.

“What the fuck-”

“Oh, sorry.” There was the sound of some scrambling and then the door opened all the way; Eddie stood before him, arms full of books, with more (and about half the contents of his backpack, by observation) strewn all over the floor.

“You spread out again.”

“I told him not to.” Stan said calmly from his bed, where only a small pile of work accompanied him. “I’ve been trapped in here for awhile because there was a hazard on the floor.”

“I’m trying to get this fucking project done, Stan-”

“Eddie, hey, it’s okay.” Ben laughed lightly, clapping a hand on the smaller man’s shoulder. “You’re stressed, we get it. But maybe leave a walkway, okay?”

Eddie sighed weakly. “Okay…”

“What’s up?” Stan asked, setting his book aside, pen inside to mark the page.

“Just came to ask you guys about something. How was your day?”

“Just fine. Actually had a reasonable shift, so that was nice.”

“And you, Eddie?” Ben said, sitting in their office chair.

“Terrible.” Eddie flopped back onto his bed. “I worked opening today, so I was there hella fuckin early, and then the rush started right when I had to leave, so my manager kept me an extra half-hour! So I was late to class, and Tyler went home with the car so Stan couldn’t come get me. I have like, four dollars in my bank account so I couldn’t get an uber, so… I took the bus to school.” He shuddered.

“You took the bus?” Ben and Stan asked in unison, each shocked.

“Yeah. It was disgusting. I had to sit through all of Trig just… imagining what the fuck I’d contracted. I took like four showers when I got home.”

“He did.” Stan said when Ben shot him a look. “I thought somebody puked on him or something.

“I never wanna go outside again.” Eddie said dramatically, hands over his face.

“Not even if it would mean having Bev over for Friendsgiving?” Ben prodded.

Eddie sat up, sizing him up with a glare. “What’re you planning, Hanscom?”

Ben held his hands up in defense. “Hey, this scheme wasn’t my idea. But I did invite her.”

“And?” Stan asked.

“She says she’ll come.”

“There’s a but.” Stan confirmed.

“There’s always a but.” Eddie sighed, resting his chin in his hand.

“But- she wants us to go to the Omega Nu party this weekend with her in exchange.”

“No fucking way.” Eddie threw his hands up.

“I’m down.” Stan shrugged. “I hear they throw a good bash.”

“They do, I went to one with Mike last year. It was great.” Ben turned to Eddie. “All you have to do is show up Eddie. It’s right down the street, you can walk back home after like, five minutes.”

“I don’t even wanna go in the first place! Those guys just throw dumb shitty ragers, I don’t want to actually get thrown up on.”

“Eddie, please, she said she’d come to dinner.”

“I’m not being pimped for a date!”

“Quit being such a buzzkill Kaspbrak, oblige the poor man. Love hath made him a fool.” Stan snickered, smirking at Ben’s look of distaste.

“I hate parties Ben, you know this.” Eddie tried.

“Just show up with me. Then you can turn around and go right back home.”

Eddie crossed his arms.

“I’ll pay you.”

“In what? And don’t say arcade tokens, I’m not twelve.”

“Firstly fuck you, you’re lucky I can get free tokens to give out. Second, I was thinking actual adult money.”

“You can pay me in pizza.” Stan cut in with a shrug.

“Shut up Uris, you already agreed.”

“I still want pizza.”

“Okay, fine, I’ll pay you in one half of Stan’s damn pizza and fifty Real Adult Human American dollars.” Ben said with resignation.

“I want fifty individual one dollar bills, because what I’m most angry about is the inconvenience, pineapple on my half, and if, IF, all my projects are done, you have a deal.”

“You are NOT putting pineapple on my pizza, Kaspbrak-”

“PINEAPPLE OR NO DEAL.”

Ben looked between the two boys. “Fine. You have a deal. Shake on it.”

“Pineapple, Ben, really?” Stan whined.

“I need him to come!”

“You’re a monster. Sacrificing your morals, nay, my morals, for a lady.” Stan shook his head as Ben and Eddie shook hands.

“Pineapple on pizza is not a moral offense.”

“To some it is.” Stan mumbled.

“This is my revenge.” Eddie grumbled. “Now leave me alone, I have to finish my shit.”

“I’ll go get the damn pizza, then we can eat and I’ll help you guys.” Ben stood, filled with excitement about the weekend ahead.

“Thanks, Haystack.” Stan said, turning back to his work.

“Yeah, thanks.” Eddie said quietly, already lost back in the storm of his trigonometry project. Ben left the room, closing the door behind him gently and smiling to himself. This was gonna be a great weekend.

______________________________________________________________

authors notes: welcome to the party you guys!!! we’re very excited to get this fic to y’all <3 if you ever have any questions, shoot us an ask! if you want on the tagslist, please let us know! we’d love it if you could reblog our account/story to spread the word!! we hope you enjoy what’s in store ❤

tagslist: @ayyyymichele @megelizabethvh @flickerflies @beepbeep-losers @tapetayloe @gazeboseddie  @finnwollfhards @turtleneckrichie 

[ted-hyung]

as a b1a4 supremacist, what do you think one should do to get to know them? i only recently kind of got into them because i didnt really know them until sandeul released his solo album

that’s CNU, btw, used to invent long hair before nuest ren or seventeen jeonghan.

also used to rock hipster glasses before it was cool. kang daniel the shoulder gangster? idk her. it’s CNU.

anyway.

where should i start? BUT a major note to take about B1A4 is they went from this:

(RIP FASHUN)

to this:

hallelujah. read more here.

listen, friend, i go way back with B1A4. i literally cried watching this subbed video lmaooo skip to 43:40.

it’s from MTV MATCH UP B1A4 X BLOCK B eps 8. rip me wyd. let’s talk about B1A4 and block b. they were the shits back then yo. 2011 was their debut year; two boy groups from unknown agencies tackling two different genres and images and MTV GOD BLESS MTV GAVE THEM A MATCHING VARIETY SHOW. you can watch B1A4 cuts here and you will see the legendary dread!zico tryna to win over gentle jinyoung-hyung and FAILED BIG TIME who’s crying with me.

block b will always hold a place in my heart. do you know who invented hep hap? it’s block b. their “new kids on the block”, “welcome to the block”, and “blockbuster” albums have no fault. none. but then they’re hep hap no more and i lost them.

B1A4 KOREAN DISCOGRAPHY + PERSONAL SONG REC, from latest to newest. i believe you can find the newest albums on SPOTIFY JFC why can’t day6.

LET’S FLY (2011): please listen to “only one” lmao. “only learned the bad things” was so, so, so sweet for my skinny freshman ass. i love it.

IT B1A4 (2011): lbr “beautiful target” was the best. watch them grow from you zoom zoom my heart like a rocket to CNU’s iconic everybody say la la. also “chu chu chu” was super chill. “fooool”? you’d find yourself singing along upon first listen.

IGNITION (2012): EVERYTHING IN THIS ALBUM BUT THE TITLE TRACK AKA MY HYUNG JUNG JINYOUNG’S FIRST TACKLE ON PRODUCING GEMS. also sandeul has a solo track here TITLED “CRUSH” GO FIND IT NOW.

IGNITION SPECIAL EDITION (2012): “baby goodnight” is so iconic i’m still side-eyeing newer idols who aren’t singing it to the camera while they’re preparing to go to sleep LMAOOOOOOOOO.

IN THE WIND (2012): yes they graced us BANA with 3 albums back in 2012. “TRIED TO WALK” HANDS DOWN ONE OF THEIR BEST SONGS. TOP 5. i’m the president of na honja ireoke opening line. i have a shrine for that line. the most impactful opening line of all songs, korean or not. amen. listen to all tracks please please. you’ll find the B1A4 distinct flavor on “what do you want to do”. like. go. now.

WHAT’S HAPPENING (2013): B1A4 wore fancy stuffs during this promotion. me ghosta. but DO YOU LIKE BALLAD? “good love” had me on the floor. then i read the translation and i died.

WHO AM I (2014): jesus lord and savior. this album. jesus f christ man THIS ALBUM. LISTEN TO EVERY SINGLE THING HERE PLEASE. “baby” further wow me about baro’s voice. “too much” WHICH IS SANDEUL + GONGCHAN’S DUET? fuck lmao we’re talking about heartbreak here and mine’s bleeding whenever i listen to “too much”. “DRUNK WITH MUSIC” tho. wow CNU-hyung. killed. this. concept. i can’t. you’re lying if your shoulders aren’t moving along and if your head isn’t nodding along. it’s THAT good. you’ll feel the swag. seriously.

SOLO DAY (2014): summer means “solo day”. period. it’s my summer jam. it should be YOURS. “drive” is so so so good. it has asphalt in the lyric. honestly do listen. also if you’re JYP stan do realize B1A4 had collaboration with min and suzy and in this album, sunmi. awesome.

SWEET GIRL (2015): oh my girl visual slash vocal slash handsome girl jiho is in the music video for the title track “sweet girl”. life’s good. in “wait” BARO IS SINGING I REPEAT BARO IS SINGING AND BANA prolly cried everywhere. and jinyoung wailing i can’t stop thinking about you girl everyday, everyday? LMAO BYE.

GOOD TIMING (2016): “a lie”, undoubtedly quenched BANA’s thirst after one whole year. have you watched “a lie” live on music shows? if the ‘touch my cheek tell me i’m not lying’ isn’t the best point of all dance point then idk what to trust. yes, i’m that supremacist LMAO. “crushing on you again” is so sweet, so very winter season love song aka B1A4’s very own color. they should be dubbed as winter season kings because their releases during fall/winter (in the wind, who am i, good timing) are the be(a)sts. “nightmare” paved the road for winner’s “really really” LMAO i’m joking. but not really. i mean baro and mino are practically brothers. “in dreams” sounds so fucking dreamy, like i said, totally winter season love song. “i’ll find you” makes me long for someone it shall inspire y’all. “together” is the one last song that leaves you wonder if these singing strangers are really worth our money and time and dedication and the answer is YES BECAUSE B1A4 RECORDED THIS SONG WITH KOREAN BANAS. jesus.

okay.

it’s july 2017. my bro baro is acting in a drama now. sandeul, your man, has collab with a starship kid. does it mean we’re going to have another winter season album? i’d say amen.

bonus: this is my fave pic of them.

if you’ve heard of it jinyoung is a composer. he’s well noted by other idols and important people in the industry lmao. he also acts. wow. i don’t follow girl groups, but LMAO THIS SONG? “AT THE SAME PLACE” MADE BY JINYOUNG HELPED B1A4 TO GET MORE RECOGNITION. this time i gotta thank mnet for the opportunity. and for the girls who were so sweet fangirling towards my hyung jung jinyoung.

listen to my ult oh my girl’s “one step two step” here and say yes that you can hear jinyoung’s magic there. i’ll just link to the BEST FANCAM EVER.

HERE’S THEM SINGING THE LEGENDARY SONG THEMSELVES:

AND JINYOUNG COMPOSED THE NEWEST GIRL GROUP BOP “DEEP BLUE EYES” wow my hyung shall be crowned as THE PRINCE OF GIRL GROUP BOPS. like.

i cry a lot. but promise this is the last time. i cried watching sandeul’s music video for his solo debut “stay as you are” but y kno it already. help my bro reach 1 million views before a year please.

fun fact: been with them since 2011. never got into shipping business, just here purely for the music and the people. they’re like friends that i’ve known for a long time; we don’t necessarily stay in touch but i always think of them fondly, y feel? i find new friends as i get older every year, yet i’ll always be the first to congratulate them if they reach another milestone in their respective lives y kno? moral of this story: don’t ship for a long lasting stanning TROOLOLOLOLLOLOLO.

this is comprehensive.

i hope i helped.

everyone please have a good weekend.

[mycounselortoldmetojournal]

Living in a Threat Condition

Last time I was in therapy, my therapist dude (who I’m guessing is the only person who will ever read this, which I’m fine with,)  said something, almost off the cuff, that has stuck with me.  He used the phrase “living in a threat condition.”  I honestly don’t remember what he said before or after it, because that was the phrase that stuck the most.   I had never really considered it, but up until very recently, I was always living under a threat condition.

So my dad is a pastor ; evangelical Presbyterian, and i grew up in teh church. Like, almost literally IN the church.  We spent all our time there.  Sundays, Sunday night for vespers, Wednesday , Thursday for choir rehearsal, and usually other stuff as needed.

As a pastor’s kid, you’re under a microscope.  People are always watching you to see what you’ll do as an example.  I remember my mom telling me once “ Ethan (not my real name, but you think I’m gonna fuckin’ put my real name on this? C’mon, bro.) Ethan, everything you do is a reflection on your father; it’s a reflection on our family; it’s a reflection on the church,; and it’s a reflection on God himself.”  And I was told this, many, many times.  Threat 1 -- Everyone is watching you, and you CANNOT fuck up, because if you do, it’s not you who falls, but EVERYONE you care about, including God almighty.   So there was ZERO room to be a kid, to make the mistakes we all need to make as kids; to fight, to fall, to fuck up. 

Being an evangelical church, there’s a strong connection between you and Jesus. (Holy spirit, not so much; he’s the red-headed stepchild of the trinity. And God the Father is just there to watch you like some creepy old white dude in the clouds.)    I remember being told in Sunday school “When you sin, you put Jesus back up on that cross.  Every time you sin, you crucify Christ.  Jesus dies for you, every time you sin.”  Threat 2 -- You LITERALLY KILL A MAN in the worst way possible EVERY time you make a mistake.  The way I was taught, or the way I internalized it, Mistake == Sin. Failed a test? Sin. Congrats, you killed Jesus because you didn’t study enough. Got angry and called someone a mean name? Sin.  Pound pound pound those nails through Jesus’ hands. I remember being up at summer camp in Wisconsin, (of course it was an evangelical christian camp; a place which I still love and adore, though it’s riddled with pain for me.) and listening to a sermon on Sunday morning of the most graphic description of Jesus’ death.  Rusty nails through hands and feet, crown of thorns on a bleeding head, breaking his legs so he would suffocate, the vinegar on the sponge to dry him out, and the swords through the side.  I mean, I get it, crucifixion is horrible.  And then couple that with the teaching that EVERY SIN, EVERY MISTAKE you do that to Jesus.  

Fuck, it’s amazing I didn’t lock myself away. 

Oh, Did I mention I’m gay?  (Ish. Bi? Pan? I like cock, so...) Dad is a pastor, and this is the kind of church where, if a pastor had a gay kid, he would have been fired.  Their logic works like this -- “If you can’t control your own household, you’re not capable of leading God’s flock. The husband is the head of the household (so they say,) and you’re not in control of your house.”  Threat Three -- If I was ever to be discovered as being gay, it would have destroyed my family, and the lives of those whom I loved. Dad was a team player and would have agreed to try to put me in conversion therapy. Mom would’ve said “FUCK THAT SHIT” (and yes, seeds of doubt, but fuck that, this is how it would’ve played out,) and it would have been a huge wedge in their marriage. Dad loses his job and the family’s livelihood. I was also a porker of a kid -- some of my earliest memories are of standing in the bus line in 1st grade in suburban St. Louis, waiting for the bus to come, being mocked for being fat.  Like, early, early shit. (And I wonder where the body dysmorphia comes from. Hmmm.) So why come out at all?  No one was gonna date the fat gay kid, even if I was talented as fuck at singing and theater.  So why rock the boat? (Hint: the whole concept of “be yourself, be honest to yourself, be authentic,” and the importance of knowing yourself to be a healthy and whole individual? Yeah,that concept isn’t really taught in the church. Church is about doing what you’re told, not what’s right.) Coming out or being outed would have had zero gain back then, so I tell / told myself, and would have caused a lot of pain.  Couple that with, coming out as gay to evangelical pastoral parents... pack your bags, sonny Jim. At least, that’s what I tell / told myself....  (While I’m sitting here typing this, I just got a message on Grindr.  Dude hits me up; tells me that I’m handsome and he’s into me being a power bottom. Good energy, good vibe. We send a few pics. He’s muscular and lean. I send a shirt pic -- instantly blocked.  No chat, no nothing. Just... blocked.  And it’s grindr, and guys are assholes, and we’re there to fuck and everyone has a type and I get it, but still... it’s hard to not take it as a reflection of value and worth.  I’m down 115 lbs from when I was 285 at my heaviest, and yeah, I have some skin left over, and while I’m proud of what I’ve done, it still feels like it’ll never be enough. (yes, that’s extreme thinking: “Never.” I know.)   It’s like gay dudes only find worth or value in a 6-pack. And while it’s all well and good to say “fuck him, he’s an asshole,” it doesn’t make me feel any better. It’s like putting a bandage over a poison wound; it just festers.)

Hey, there’s Threat Four -- The fat-ass is never good enough, regardless of how kick-ass he is at other things, and everyone was standing at the ready to remind me of it.

Kids are fucking mean, and I was always on the receiving end of it.  Bike was stolen, pushed to the ground, I was too fat to get shoved into a locker (bonus?) but I ate alone at lunch.  I never had a tribe.  Trying to fit in... didn’t go so well.  I don’t fit in.  High school is about conforming to norms, but those norms were different than the church’s norms, and none of those norms fit who I was and am. 

So how does all that relate to a threat condition? 

It made me realize, ever since I was little, I’ve always been under a threat condition.  Bullies for me being fat.  Being outed and watching it destroy my family.  The church “Family” loving nothing more than to watch me fuck up and tell everyone when I did. Any sin literally killing a ( fictitious) man. Every action I’ve ever done has been weighed against the thought of “Is this too gay?” That hand gesture; too gay?  That word choice; too gay?  Will I show my hand, and will it destroy everyone I love if I say “Oh honey,” without thinking about it?

And now here I am; 36, about to turn 37, out of the closet (bitch, I didn’t come out of the closet -- i fuckin’ put a block of C4 on that fucker and blew the doors off their fuckin’ hinges,) and those threats... some of them are there and some aren’t.  I’m out to my parents.  They don’t know what to do with it, but they still love me.  I think.  They say.  The family still stands.  Mostly. The gays still judge the fuck out of my fat, but they know I can sing, that’s for damn sure. And I still seem to get plenty of dick. (Too much?  9 partners over Pride weekend.... Granted, 3 of them were at the same time.  And yet, it’s the damn fucker who blocks me on Grindr after seeing my stomach that’s going to ruin my night, if I don’t keep CONSTANT vigilance over my thoughts from here to the end of consciousness tonight.)

Alright.  That’s my time and then a lot more.  All that to say, I’ve always been under a threat condition and had my walls up.  No fuckin’ clue how to let them down. 

[floggingink]

Riverdale: “Chapter Eight: The Outsiders”

have you ever felt pastels to be sadistic? lime-sherbet green nail polish? Grace’s incredible cover of Lesley Gore’s “You Don’t Own Me,” both produced by Quincy Jones? ...the Coopers

Alice raises Betty’s chin

“beautiful daughters”

I am intrigued by the emotional politics of Betty wearing her hair in a ponytail vs. down. she seems to prefer it up for everyday wear, down for social functions. but would Alice allow it up for a semi-formal family picture, different from Polly’s hair?

the Blossom corpse: I continue to love how Flashback Jason looks more like an eerie ginger Ken doll, too pale and coiffed to be a real person. of course, it’s not really “Actual Footage of Flashback Jason” so much as it’s “Jughead’s Imaginatory Flashback of Jason,” and Jughead puts everyone in like an exaggerated hyper-characterized limbo

Cheryl’s “Bitchy” baseball tee, red leather heart clutch

Nana Rose met Jason and Polly out in the woods to give them her ring, in her wheelchair, she ships them so hard

“Damn good coffee”: INTERESTING insertion of Jughead at Pop’s in the background watching J&P planning to run away? actually watching, or putting himself there as if he had watched them, imagining some more? he is lounging pretty brazenly, like he’s watching a TV show

Jughead eats: WITH his burger

please tell me Nana’s heirloom ring is going to mysteriously return

Hermione graciously rises and pats Sheriff Keller’s shoulder until he leaves Polly alone

Veronica was rich: the plants and decor around the Lodge apartment are pretty bland, except there’s a very sweet purple and white flower arrangement behind Polly

“Gooooootta stop blowing me up. You’re doing it. What’re you doing—”

certainly it is Archie who “keeps killing” Jughead, not the other way around, themes and such

Jughead would be the guy who falls in love with No Man Sky and Archie would be the guy who’s like, “It takes TEN MINUTES to fly to the other planet?” also consider: Until Dawn, and the new Zelda

Fifth period is AP English: “No, Archie. Hell is other people.”

does Archie know Sartre? he laughs, but maybe it was a Veronica’s-Capote-references laugh. does this poor boy understand a word out of anyone’s mouth?

“It’s like Archie and I are just roommates in a college dorm.” absolutely: the floor and the bed are a mess, bags of chips, so many blankets it’s where they forgot whose is whose, kicking their socks off without putting them in the laundry, staying up too late playing Witness, watching Monster Factory, practicing kissing

Fred is thoroughly decent to acknowledge that it might be hard for Jughead to have the construction job brought up

Jughead’s only half-facetious “As long as you build something beautiful in its place.”

Archie’s bright blue Henley, Veronica’s little grey textured sheath, Betty’s powder blue ribbed pullover, Cheryl’s red and black criss-crossed sweater

Cheryl is sitting with them! fascinating! presumably after helping Polly escape Penelope, she got hugged by Veronica and that was that

does Archie know what a Gordian knot is?

Veronica has been “percolating” on the Polly problem and comes up with a “hellishly” simple solution

Jughead’s “Am I expected to come to this thing?” is a gentle joke for Betty and the room at large, Your Honor, acknowledging that he does not like casual gatherings but will most definitely be attending because he “has to.” Veronica takes the reins of the conversation back by telling him soberly that he will be because he’s Betty’s boyfriend

the look Betty and Jughead share at the first public drop of the word “boyfriend” between them is precious, little smiles

Every triangle has three corners, every triangle has three sides: Archie continues to feel strange about them, which is fine as he does not do anything strange about them

although Valerie is sitting right next to him. are they dating? just making out? Archie, get your shit together

Betty’s spit take: “Mom?”

how is a construction team made up? crews can just pick up and leave? Fred hires a foreman who comes with his own crew? the foreman speaks for the crew? are they like a union? Hermione?

Alice interrogates the girls in the Spanish classroom

Best costume bit: Alice’s amazing wool trench, beige-on-beige-on-brown, the puffy sleeves

all three ladies end up with their arms crossed

Alice was not ready to be called a grandmother

apparently Archie and Val went out and got pizza, are actually dating. okay Archie, continue to mind your own dating business. Jughead got his girl. you got yours. eyes forward. eyes on your own test.

I LOVE the Andrews’ kitchen! I think there’re string lights behind the window curtains!

oh these two Andrews men. Fred is so stressed and quiet and trying to hold himself together. Jughead is I guess at Pop’s, splitting a milkshake with Betty, two straws, fingers intertwined

the Lodge breakfast seems to consist largely of orange juice and croissants

Betty and Veronica hoping against hope that “the Blossoms” just means “...Cheryl’s. On the guest list.” “Yeah, Cheryl.”

Polly’s Grecian Vestal Virgin headband

“Mother-to-mother?” “Oh, yeah. No.”

Fred screeches his Ford pickup to a stop but feet from Clifford’s Bentley coupe

how he got his truck past the gates in the first place is probably a good cocktail party story

Clifford is so rich that he can buy off Fred’s crew to have them actually work on a real, second construction site so that he can buy back the first construction site that he actually wants

Clifford Blossom is undeniably a “pompous ass,” but I agree with him in the sense that I have no idea what Fred’s revenge against him would likely be, am forcibly reminded of Jughead’s “What? What are you gonna do?”

“Go park somewhere else.”

the sheer number of flannels on Fred’s construction site, breathtaking

anytime Jughead wants to stand with his hip cocked to the side, holding a toolbox, jacket open, I endorse

What damn high school in America: are these boys missing school right now? Jughead already took an absence for running around the Catholic asylum with Betty

God bless Moose: “We’re bruiser studs, Mr. Andrews.” I don’t know what that is, but it’s adorable

Moose does not think Jughead counts as a “bruiser stud.” clearly Jughead’s fleece lapels are blocking the view of his pecs from Moose’s peripheral vision

Bulldog #1, the not-Moose, tells Keller he looks “buff” without caveat, nice guy

Gay.: “I prefer my contact sports one-on-one. Like. Boxing.”

LOVING the appreciative laughs from the bros. Kevin is simply funny and gay and has gay sex(ual moments) and it’s awesome. no no-homos from his friends. Moose smiles. big grin from Jughead

the female gaze: speaking of, what the fuck?

presumably this is why Jughead wears so many shirts, so he can walk down the hallway and not get attacked

the reversal of Archie and Jughead’s typical wardrobes, Archie now in the multiple layers and Jughead just in an hourglass tank top, a button-down tied low on his hips to play up his tiny waist. although Archie’s T-shirt definitely falls into the Chris Evans school around the chestal region

“He works his ass off for me, bro.”

truly Jughead does not have an ounce of fat on his body. Jughead. Jughead. BETTY.

if Riverdale were on HBO, Moose would be beaten to within an inch of his life and they would have to wait until he came out of his coma to tell them about the crowbar dudes

the truck they speed away in has a “Don’t Tread on Me” bumper sticker, so you know they’re some bullshit

oh great, Sheriff Keller is here. he’ll fucking figure it out.

Archie is probably right in that Sheriff Keller is disproportionately effective towards the Blossoms, but Fred is the most right when he tells Archie to just cut it out

Polly’s pink top with the flower decals!

Summer + Blair = Veronica: Veronica never thought she would live to see the day when something would make her as soft inside as Polly asking Betty to be the baby’s godmother

is not Polly’s line of “if anything were to happen to me, I only trust YOU with my baby” EXTREMELY foreboding? isn’t this the moment we knew Remus Lupin would die?

poor Valerie telling Archie to slow down had no chance against Archie setting his mind to do something stupid to assuage his own anxiety

Valerie’s boots??

“Dude, what the hell? I’ve been texting you.” Jughead has been ignoring Archie’s texts because he knows some dumb shit is coming

Jughead nods at the Serpents being “dangerous” but is like, affronted that Betty calls them drug dealers? Jughead, you sweet, gentle, down-soft baby-faced spider, what do you think the Serpents do?

Jughead doubts it: he sums up everything succinctly, though, with just, “Archie, going into that bar is a bad idea.” no shit! it’s a fucking biker gang bar! has Archie completely forgotten Rust Cohle’s undercover stint in True Detective?

Archie’s pissy “Thanks for having my back” is such a dick move. such a dick move. everyone at the table is like, Jesus.

Red shows up in his effing letterman jacket? Christ Almighty.

HELLOOOO, JOAQUIN!

Fwoopy hair is the best hair: JOAQUIN!!!

Moose looks at Kevin and nods at Archie’s plan to call Kevin’s dad. is Moose fucking in love with Kevin Keller? right here, in front of Kevin’s pretty-boy bf who’s so cool he’s in a non-racist biker gang (my edit)? does Moose PINE? MOOSE?

the bar is so cool that it has a banana python in a tank

These students are legally children: would they have all been allowed IN? maybe Joaquin could’ve gotten Kevin in, but three underage non-members?

I would’ve been fine in there, for the record, because I would’ve worn my Slytherin pin on my checkered Charlotte Russe blazer lapel, as badasses do

“We’re all gonna die.”

Moose SAID he couldn’t remember what the guys looked like, so Archie MUST HAVE convinced him he MIGHT if he just came along to this bar and LOOKED AROUND. Archie is like, a danger to others???

to kill time, Joaquin hustles Kevin at the pool tables

Mustang could take a few lessons about how to wear beanies from his boss’s son

Archie...was not expecting to see FP

FP looks familially disappointed at Archie being so irresponsible on Fred’s behalf

“Man, you got a bigger imagination than Jughead. And that’s saying something.” how much can I love FP’s thing about Jughead’s storytelling

the job Fred is doing on his truck’s brakes

“I called him. The second you walked into the bar.” FP dad points!!

the 2001 Josie and the Pussycats movie was a masterpiece: Valerie, in a velvet top, and Melody come to the baby shower because they’re fantastic

this cover of “Our House” is perfect

Jughead absolutely ditched Archie to help the girls put the baby shower together, and he loved it. Betty in her little skirt? he loved it.

Veronica, gently buzzed on mimosas in the back of the Lodge driver car: I’m registering Polly at Tiffany’s. Would Baby Cooper rather have the ironstone ceramic three-piece dining set with the dancing chicks detail or the little polka dot earthenware piggy bank except it’s an elephant?

Betty, opposite, head in Jughead’s lap, playing with the lowest buttonhole on his shirt: Sweetie, you know you don’t have to help put all this together. You can just come when it starts.

Jughead, brushing her hair: I am ORGANIZING the baby shower.

Betty: Oh! Oh okay!

Jughead: I will GET the BALLOONS.

he plops the cupcake tier down with such a look on his face. his whole thing this whole time is like a beautiful meta-joke about how he and Betty are obviously a socially mismatched couple and he must be lolling behind her not wanting to go to her fancy parties because that’s his whole constructed persona but in actuality he’s fucking just LOOK at how he looks at her. I’M CALM

Betty cups his elbow and kisses him because she is also calm

“You’re sweet to be here. I know this isn’t exactly your scene.” “What?”

and his soft red sweater?

Alice Cooper wore a pink coat in a gesture of neutrality towards Hermione, affection towards her daughters, and contrition towards Polly

“WE’RE HERE!!!”

the vintage Victorian pram Cheryl bequeaths on Jay-Jay’s baby

Cheryl’s sheaths: her baby-pink 50’s skirt, with a slit!, her bosomy black top, gold bag, her sparkly sparkle-necklace

Cheryl’s hair: GOD I LOVE CHERYL WITH HER HAIR DOWN

oh my god Penelope wheeling in Nana Rose

Cheryl owning Nana Rose: “Let’s get you a good spot by the food.”

Please protect Betty: Betty to Alice: “Think happy thoughts.”

Cheryl’s pins: okay Penelope AND Alice are BOTH wearing flower pins, dueling flower pins

FP is like, I’m an alcoholic whose personal life has imploded and I’ve gone back to the gang that I left after I couldn’t work anymore but I’m not PETTY

Fred and FP are both in charge in their own worlds, both bosses. both have “guys”

Lord, PLEASE do not let this happen to Archie and Jug. PLEASE let Jughead be okay.

Nana Rose dangles a crystal over Polly’s palm, reading the baby’s aura. Cheryl: “Nana has dementia. And gypsy blood.”

Penelope’s red short-sleeved dress is very Cheryl. is she trying to look less threatening?

Polly is genuinely surprised at the idea that she might be having twins? has this woman not had a damn sonogram yet? does Riverdale have a Planned Parenthood?

“This is occultism at its most ludicrous,” says the woman who burned sage in Betty’s room after Cheryl Blossom was there for three hours

I WANT the baby lambs mobile.

Archie fucking SERIOUSLY hauls in there and doesn’t even wait for the conversation to start back up before—he SERIOUSLY—

God bless Jughead was just standing off to the side, eating cupcakes, minding his own damn business, like, That’s a good mobile. Aw. The lambs. Look at that. fuck’s sake!

he takes a fraction a moment to be horrified that Archie knows about his dad and the rest of the moment to have a DAMN HEART ATTACK that now Betty knows. Archie said this not to him, but TO BETTY, right in front of him. “Did you know Jughead’s dad is a Serpent?” isn’t a dig at Jughead’s father. it’s a dig at Jughead. Archie. Archie.

Betty’s isn’t grossed out or anything, but she knows the Serpents are such bad news that she’s proportionately uncomfortable for a hot second

Veronica tells them to shut up

Cheryl’s a psychopath: Cheryl’s “Oh, Polly! Come live with us at Thornhill!” is SO perky, sitting next to her mother, it must be fake. although I infinitely love Cheryl consistently, constantly, consciously putting on a show

bit tacky, ALL AWESOME to pitch Polly moving in with the Blossoms in front of Alice

“a bedbug-infested Trojan horse”

Alice didn’t “send me away” so much as she had grown men haul her into a VAN like she’d reneged on a ransom

apparently we can’t say “abortion” on the CW?

Fred is sitting alone in his kitchen with a cutting board full of like, arugula

Certified pedigree: his voice shakes as he tries to explain to Archie how their lives are about to fall apart

Archie > Dawson: ugh I guess Archie makes his dad feel a little better, which is nice, I guess

Jughead genuinely went off and sat in a room by himself, temporarily traumatized at being outed and yelled at in front of strangers, his delicately-new girlfriend, #introvertproblems

Betty’s clacky heels on the hard floor, #asmr

Betty is already over FP being a Serpent, wants to ask him about Jason. “I want to know who you are. All of it.” Jughead can’t believe his fucking luck. this fucking girl.

he cups her back at they walk out

whoa, is that Fred’s truck? is Jughead driving Fred’s truck?

FP is SO chill at his house on the weekends. he’s not out cavorting with the gang, he’s watching like, playoffs

okay, he is drinking, which is in direct violation of the tearful promise he made to Jughead, which everyone knows as soon as they see each other

I am very fond of the slightly accented way Cole Sprouse keeps saying the short A in “dad”

Jug’s proper introduction of “Betty Cooper” to his father, with an expression like, Guess this is happening now

he is thoroughly unimpressed at there being shenanigans between his dad and Jason Blossom

WTF, why was Jason like HOARDING drugs? did he WANT them?

FP has the teensiest smile on his face at Betty and Jughead, the pair, coming to him, together, thinking they’re going to get the slightest bit of anything from him, his son and “Is that your girlfriend?”, bring it on at this poker face

very cool, now Jughead and Betty have each asked their fathers if they’ve killed Jason. cool! cool dads!

“I believe you, Jughead.” Betty doesn’t buy FP’s denial of involvement. Betty is still thinking

hold on because she’s holding Jughead’s face. oh you know what this means

Jughead looks from her lips to her eyes to her lips to her eyes to her lips

Betty and Jug have graduated to kissing while holding EACH OTHER’S faces SIMULTANEOUSLY

oh god all of their kisses should be strongly backlit, in a penthouse or a trailer park or like, Betty’s bedroom (remember when he was in her bedroom?), but here, out in the cold air with the archangel Raphael apparently descending behind them, misting them in Chanel Mademoiselle and illuminating the silhouettes of their long eyelashes

it also seems like they’re kissing to the music from Titanic

seriously, does Betty know about the biceps?

the best part, this is a great kiss, but the best part is the thing at the end when Jughead isn’t quiiite done and leans in for a little more

@milakuniis

and the soft wet mouth kiss-noises? Betty’s heart earrings? JUGHEAD’S THUMB ON HER CHEEK?

oooooohhhh Hal Cooper is watching the same baseball game as FP, also drinking a finger of whiskey

UH ALICE BREAKING THE REMOTE?

SHOVING HIM IN THE THROAT?

Hal made Alice get an abortion?

“overreact”

“BLOSSOM BLOOD”

Mädchen Amick, MÄDCHEN AMICK: “GET. OUT.”

what is Alice capable of? what isn’t she capable of?

holy moly Alice. Alice is tender and comes apart easily with a fork. Alice is done.

why the FUCK is JUGHEAD the one apologizing to ARCHIBALD.

...why are they still sharing a room? there has to be a third bedroom in that house. could they...just not bear...being apart...

I’m writing a scene where it’s gay.: “There’s no excuse.” [rubs hands] ah but there is tension.

I want Jughead’s reluctance to share stuff about his father with Archie to come less from a place of embarrassment and more from a down-to-earth place about knowing Archie doesn’t have a lot of sense and can’t keep secrets

at least Archie’s doofusness isn’t coming from a gross sabotaging Jug-and-Betty thing, unless it’s unconscious

Gay?!: Jughead sees your earnestness, calls it out, and raises it. “You’re like. You’re like my brother.” “Nice bro whisper, Archie. You are my brother.”

how is Jason’s jacket insurance??

I’ve seen Brick like thirty times: FP’s epic coldness with Joaquin’s hesitancy about Kevin’s feelings is the first time, and it’s really good, he’s looked like a Scary Gang Guy In Charge Of Shit, Obey Him

WHAT is the part FP is playing! oh my god! is it just lying to Betty and Jughead, which makes sense, or some other shit??? is it with Fred??? oh my god FP is like fascinating to me GOD.

for the record, “Greendale” is where Sabrina Spellman lives, nbd

HE’S WAITING FOR FRED WITH A CREW OH MY GOD IS THIS HIS PART? BEING A FRIEND?

“You’ve never had a better foreman than me. I won’t leave you hanging this time.” Fred is…..so proud…..

“Who ratted you out?” VERONICA?

honestly tbh poor Polly has probably lost all nostalgic affection for “coming home” and I don’t like, blame her for not caring enough about the concept to go back there

although surely she has a plan, going to the Blossoms?

“You’ll be safe here.” is Cheryl going to freak out (privately) that Polly came to them after all?? CHERYL IS COMING.

remember in Hannibal when Mason Verger surgically removed Margot Verger’s pregnant womb and it turned out he’d kept the fetus gestating inside a sow so he could use it to inherit his father’s fortune without her? something about this is just reminding me of that. Hannibal was kind of fucked up!

next week: a really good hug

[imsarabum]

Responses to {Part 21} I Won’t Stop You // Jeon Jungkook, Vampire!AU Asks~

Please ‘Keep Reading’ to find my response to your ask ^^ As always, I have copied and pasted all asks into this post in regards to last night’s chapter to avoid clogging up people’s dashboards and to avoid spoilers for those who may still wish to read the chapter. Thank you ^^ 

(I have also included asks that I received in the hours before IWSY was posted ^^)

Anonymous said: So i found IWSY last week and marathoned through it in 2 days and omg its so good im dying for the next part!!! Thank you so much for blessing us all with your writing have a wonderful day/night!!!!!! ❤❤❤❤❤

Oh my gosh thank you for marathoning through it! I’m really happy that you found it and that you’re liking the story so far my dear ^^ I hope you have a wonderful day or night too! ❤

Anonymous said: TONIGHT'S THE MOMENT OF TRUTH!!!

WOOHOO! C:

@mysr3 said: Queen Serren will shed some light for us tonight and poor Jungkook' unbeating heart is ready  I can feel it! My heart is also not ready!!! Have A good day Love ❤️  PS I re-read Who are you again! And I find new things that I didn't notice before last time and feel different! You are such a good writer !!!

Hehe yes things were revealed last night with more to be explained c: And yay thank you for reading it again! I’m glad you could pick up on things that you maybe didn’t pick up on before, I personally love when that happens to me :3 ❤  Thank you so much my love :)

Anonymous said: It's 11:14pm in Sydney right now and I am so ready for IWSY! Unfortunately, it's a little known fact time difference is a bitch and I can't read it till the afternoon! *sighs* if only they didn't block tumble at school. -Tall anon

Aww that sucks that they block tumblr at your school! But I can understand why because they wan you to concentrate :( I hope you’ll enjoy it when you read it my love!

@lostheretics said: fEW HOURS TO IWSY AAAAAA *screaming internally* but cant read it immediately bc i have mid tests😔😔😭😭

That’s okay my love! tests and study come first ❤  I hope you enjoy it when you get a chance to read it!

@deangetoutofmyspleen said: iTS TUESDAYYYYYYYYY

YES IT IS!! ❤

Anonymous said: Yuss, vamp!Kook-tuesday!! Highlight of the week ❤

I’m so happy that it’s the highlight of your week ❤  ahhhh that really makes me smile so much!

@m1n-yoong1 said: OMG I JUST REALISED ITS TUESDAY AND IM REALLY HAPPY NOW. My day has been quite bad so I was sad all day until now 😁😁

I’m glad it can brighten up your day my love, I’m sorry that your day has been sad :( *hug* ❤

Anonymous said: I'M READY FOR WHATEVER PARANORMAL SHENANIGANS YOU HAVE PREPARED LETS DO THIS *insert boxer emoji here*

PARANORMAL SHENANIGANS YES ❤  hehe I hope you enjoyed it babe!

@kpoperinthehoody123 said: OMG SARAAAA!!!!!!!!!! I JUST READ THE WHO ARE YOU // IM JAEBUM SERIES ALL IN ONE GO AND IT IS SOOO FUCKING LEGIT THAT I FORGOT CEO JUNGKOOK WILL BE COMING OUT ANY MINUTE NOW!! HOW DO U WRITE THESE MASTER PIECES??? *cries in the corner* However, U have such an amazing and creative mind oh Sara😘😘😘 Can't wait to read 'I wont stop you' part 21 💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Ahhhh thank you so much for reading it alongside IWSY! (I hope you enjoyed last nights update too!)  You flatter me way too much D: I just imagine something and then write it, it’s nothing special ❤  Thank you so much my love!

Anonymous said: I've updated your tumblr way too many times tonight.... I'm dying to know what's going to happen! 💕

asdfghj I hope you enjoyed the update beautiful!

Anonymous said: i spent a single day binging the entire IWSY series and i've never been happier because it's been hard to find some good vampire!jk and now i have and i'm living also i remember that i had read it when there was only one chapter and then i forgot about it but honestly im so happy to be back!! your writing is exceptional and as a fellow writer, i'm so happy to have found this and you ❤️❤️

jkdgkjsdg ugh thank you so much ❤  I’m really happy that you found it and returned to it and that you enjoy it ❤  thank you for finding me and telling me that you like my series dear, it really means a lot to me!

Anonymous said: I'VE NEVER BEEN SO EARLY FOR A FIC HOLY--

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT!! ❤

Anonymous said: idk why but i??? Cried during chapter 21 its was sO GOOD BLESS

awh~ sad tears or happy tears? c: Thank you so much my love!

Anonymous said: I had a feeling that I would get the vampire explanation and not the "what the heck is she" explanation. On another note, in really happy with how the whole thing went, like I half expected for it to bee more awkward and for the second hand embarrassment to be worse, but you managed to write in in a way that wasn't over the top and still provided a realistic (as realistic as we can assume a scenario like this would play out) scene. So thank you for once again making the week long wait worth it.

Yes~ I personally feel it would be too unrealistic for them to tell absolutely EVERYTHING in one go~ (Y/N) has had a traumatic time and if they were to just unleash everything then she legit might run away terrified lolol. I’m happy that you perceived it as being realistic - especially when the genre is supernatural. I think, for some people, there will always be an element of cringe when it comes to talking about Vampires but I really wanted to make it as natural as possible. In this chapter, I really just wrote like - how I would react if someone were to tell me. I’d be scared but I’d require proof and I’d be curious if I was able to see substantial proof heh~ Thank you very much for honest and unbiased review of the chapter, it was refreshing to read and respond to - and I hope you have a lovely day ❤

Anonymous said: I HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER WEEK FOR THIS MASTERPIECE TO REVEAL WHAT THE HECK Y/N IS?

YES MY LOVE YOU DO ❤  Hehe, thank you for reading it ❤

@moonlighthollow said: Jesus christ.... this was so worth the wait😂😍 I'm soooo inlove with this story omg thank you for writing so perfectly and amazing🙏

I’m glad you found it worth the wait ❤  Thank you so much for reading the update my love!

@lovehaniwhaimagines said: HOLY FLIPPIN SHIT. I binge-read all 20 chapters of I wont stop you just yesterday and waited until the new chapter and holy frickin cow, I LOVE IT. Please keep up the good work, I appreciate every single thing you write :) ~

I’ll keep writing for sure! Thank you so much for reading and enjoying the series love ^^ ❤

Anonymous said: You know you could actually write a book and it would sold to millions of people! You're creative stories and writing are fantastic. I love how you mix humor into your stories, especially in "I Won't Stop You". You are one of the best writers on tumblr no doubt about it. Love you~

I’m not sure about millions of people xD But maybe one day eh!? hehe~ And yes! I love to incorporate a little bit of humour, especially if one of the characters personalities is like that, it can be a great mood lifter or a change of pace throughout the story or chapter ^^ Ah, you flatter me so much ❤  thank you my love, and I love you too!

@parkheehi said: I'm so fucking happy that Y/N was not that mad at jungkook for his secret. :D do you know how many parts I won't stop you will have?? (BTW I DIED WHEN JUNGKOOK SAID 'I won't stop you' AFTER Y/N ASKED HIM IF SHE COULD  TOUCH HIS TEETH)  Don't overwork yourself and stay healthy!🤗

I have no idea how many chapters~ You guys will know when I do! ALSO THIS ISN’T THE FURST TIME JUNGKOOK HAS SAID ‘I WON’T STOP YOU’ - and actually, the reader has said it before too ;) I guess youll have to go back and read to find out where and when it was said! hehe ❤  thank you my love and I hope you’re having a great day!

@semisweetsuga said: I fukin knew you were gonna end it on a god damn cliffhanger but the update was SO GOoD I loVEd iT!

This should no longer be a surprise anymore~ I’ll gladly wear my crown for queen of cliffhangers ~ hehe, I love Kotooooo ❤

Anonymous said: I JUST ABSOLUTELY LOVE WHEN YOU HAVE "I WONT STOP YOU" SAID IN THE IWSY STORY!!!! IM SO EXCITED FOR NEXT WEEK BECAUSE IVE HONESTLY SO CONFUSED WHENEVER YOU MENTION THE AFFECT (Y/N) HAS ON PEOPLE. ❤️😍

This isn’t the first time that the title has been mentioned in the series! :3 Jungkook has said it once before and so has (Y/N)~ muhaha! I hope you’ll enjoy the storyline when you find out what (Y/N) is ❤  thank you so much for reading!

Anonymous said: HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME! I HAVE BEEN WAITING LIKE THE WHOLE FUDGING BOOK TO FIND OUT WHY SHE TINGLES, AND THEN YOU JUST SNATCH IT OUT OF MY GRASP AND SAY NOPE YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER FUDGING WEEK TO KNOW THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW (I know I sound really sad) Ugh 😑 at least you know how to keep your readers along for the ride

Because my dear, I am evil and I enjoy inflicting pain ❤  heh~ Thank you so much for reading and I hope you’ll enjoy the future chapters!

@pandafish said: A very intense and dramatic reveal!  I can't want to hear about their history!

Thank you so much my dear! I hope you’ll enjoy it :D

@animeimmortal said: I shit you not i have never been this mad before. The other cliffhangers? Fine ill just deal with it. but this one? LET ME LIVE FOR ONCE I BEG YOU JUST ONE CHAPTER WITHOUT A CLIFFHANGER PLEASE DO YOU WANT ME TO DIE FROM THE LACK OF KNOWLEDGE I AM SO FRUSTRATED I NEED THE REST GOD PLEASE OMG ❤ love you ❤

U mad bro? :3 tehe~ But thank you s always for reading it despite wanting to kill me ❤  I love you too!!

Anonymous said: When she asked to touch his fangs and he was like 'go ahead I won't stop you' I literally had to refrain from shouting TITLE REFERENCE! BOOM!

This isn’t the first time that the title has been mentioned in the series! Jungkook has said it before and so has the reader ;) But it was probably less obvious because I like to slip in those things to see if anyone picks up on it~ heh^^

Anonymous said: *glares at you author* I was this close to knowing. NOW I HAVE TO WAIT 7 MORE DAYS TO GET MY ANSWER TO WHY I'M VAMPNIP!!! GRRAGH>:( But on the bright side, this chapter wasn't as angsty as I feared! Hooray! :) *but I'm still mad at you hmph*- love Vampnip anon

*glares back at you and smiles* muhaha~ Don’t be mad at me because I love you very much ❤  hehe thank you so much for reading it my dear!

Anonymous said: AAAHHH I've waited so long for this IWSY Chapter *^* My jaw dropped when "I" called the Queen 'bitch' >.< I also really wanted to read about her finding out that the Jeon's are the royal family and her beloved Jungkook is a PRINCE <3 maybe in the next part~(?)

Haha yes! You called the Queen a bitch! c: But it can be forgiven I guess due to the circumstances lol ^^ YES MAYBE SO! ❤  thank you for reading the update dear ^^

@omelys-space said: Once again such a great update ❤ I am glad that they all opened up to her and that she had her time to freak out but calmed down pretty soon after that  Excited to see what she is now and again gotta give some love to Serrena  She is such a babe 😍 Thank you for your hard work and till next week ❤

Ahh thank you so much my love ❤  I’m happy that you enjoyed it and I hope you’ll look forward to next week too! ^^

Anonymous said: You always leave me crying, my heart full yet broken. Every Tuesday. And it's okay because art takes time.

Ahh you make me sound like such an emotional abuser :c I don’t mean to break your heart! *hugs* hehe~ thank you so much for reading the chapter dear ❤

@deboracorrea25 said: OMG!!! Perfect, simply perfect! I just love the way you write,  the way you make us feel all the emotions of the characters. I could feel the surprise, the anger, the acceptance, and even the love. I couldn't imagine this to be better, and I know next week chapter of "I won't stop you" will be flawless too. Thank you again for writing this fanfic. Love you!

sdfghj you’re too sweet for your own good, i’m so glad that you could feel all the emotions that everyone in the chapter was feeling ^^ thank you so much for reading it and for looking forward to next week - I’ll do my best!! ❤  I love you too :D

@mocking-butts said: OH MY GOD IM SCREAMING FOR THIS CHAPTER~!! I was literally at the edge of my seat when they were telling her and oh my god I almost cried and I need it to be next week I want to know so badly I love this story so much teach me the ways oh wise one. I love this story so much I can't even right now.

It’s only 6 days away now! *sweats* lolol c: Thank you so much for loving the story, I really really appreciate it that ❤

@fashionkilla124 said: I am SO FUKIN DONE WITH IWSY. I WAS CRYIN AT FIRST BUT HAD ME DYIN AT TGE END I CANT JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL.😩😩😂😂

*pats your head gently* there there my love, its okay~ ❤

@kookies-hoe said: ARGHHHHH 'I won't stop you' JUNGKOOK YOU TEASEEEE AND ALSO HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME, THE CLIFFHANGER 😭😭😭😂

Ahhhh but it’s not the first time that the title has been mentioned in the series!Both Jungkook and the reader have said it before :3 thank you for reading it my lovely!

@mysr3 said: SARAAAA!!! I LOVE YOU!!! You saved JK heart and my heart at the same time This chapter I love it. The details are amazingly well portray and I love the humor you threw in there to emphasize Y/N characters in the state she is in or her personality in general. ahhh I love your writing! But you just ripped my heart out dying to know the whole story! I was so sure you would reveal today! I thought I had nailed how today chapter would turned out but I was wayyy offff lol Well played my love ❤❤❤

I’m glad I could save your heart and rip it out at the same time hehe ❤  I’m so happy that you could feel everyone’s response and their personalities in the chapter too ^^ Thank you for reading it dear and I hope you have a wonderful day!

Anonymous said: THAT ITALICIZED I WONT STOP YOU I SCREAMED BIIITTTCCCHHH YAAAAASSSS 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 I love it SO MUCH also the garlic bread part I died that was so fuckjng funny and then the to be continued 😭😭😭😭 y u do dis 2 mE ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

This isn’t the first time that the title has been mentioned in the series! Both Jungkook and the reader have said it before c: LOL I chuckled at the garlic bread reference when I was writing it haha (i’m so pathetic lol) Thank you for reading it despite the frustration of waiting ❤

Anonymous said: If you keep ending IWSTY chapters like that I'm going to explode. It's been continuous cliffhangers omg. I love the story and I can't wait for the next chapter!!❤ love you

Please don’t explode, that would make me mega sad :( And yes - continuous cliffhangers are kind of my thing? my style? lolol I’m sorry but it is what it is! :P Thank you very much for reading and I love you too pumpkin ❤

Anonymous said: okay SARA what the absolute HECK why must you play with our feelings that way?? i really thought we were going to get the tea ☕️ on what the reader is but NO ahhhh lovely chapter though omg 11/10 as always!!!!

Because I love to play and toy with people’s emotions~ does that make me a bad person? c: lolol thank you for reading and enjoying the chapter my love!

@doubletroublesince1994 said: I didnt expect this reaction at all! I thought she'll stay mad for 2 or 3 chapters before finally accepting it 😂😂 On a side note, I particulary loved this chapter because Ive been waiting for the declaration since day 1! Can't wait for tge 2nd part

Ahahaha I hope you still enjoyed it though my love! And it makes me really happy to hear that you’re looking forward to the next part too! Have a wonderful day babe ❤

Anonymous said: Oh my gosh this chapter was so good!!!! I can't believe that Jungkook finally told Y/N!  Thank you for writing this amazing series. ♡♡ - self care anon (and yeah, I'm trying to take care of myself. The routine is the most helpul part. Love you!)

Hi there self care anon! I’m glad to know that you’re still taking care of yourself and that my series can attribute to that self care routine ❤  And I’m also really happy and thankful to know that you enjoyed the chapter, thank you so much for reading it and I hope you continue to take good care of yourself ❤

Anonymous said: O.o Oh mai gawd Sara, that was sooo good. IWSY part 21, (y/n) stays!!! Yess!!! I've been so excited for today, I was so anxious to see whether or not (y/n) runs out on Jungkook and I'm so glad this part ended the way it did. Without a doubt, IWSY is the main reason I put up with tuesdays. ily soo much! can't wait for next part! - army anon

Hello army anon! I’m so glad to know that you enjoyed the new part ^^ and yes! (Y/N) was never going to run away or leave Jungkook - she loves him too much :D I love you too and thank you so much for reading it!

@audreymv said: MAMA IS ABOUT TO GIVE STORYTIME WOAH.  This was a roller coaster of a chapter like she yelled at them and she was angry wow and then like wow next thing ya know is she is apart of the ancestral line. Maybe her parents died by mistake. Ooo it's getting interesting

STORY TIME WITH SERRENA TURN UP! lolol~ Thank you once again for reading the new update and I hope you’ll enjoy next weeks too! Have a great day my love ❤

@btsfanficss said: What the heck I swear I was following you this entire time :o BUT ANYWAYS THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EXISTING I LOVE IWSY SO MUCH IVE BEEN FOLLOWING IT FOR SO LONG ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

That’’s okay my dear don’t worry! A lot of the time I assume I’m following people but it turns out that I’m not so I totally understand xD Thank YOU for existing too and thank you so much for reading IWSY ❤

Anonymous said: Not gonna lie, I squealed like a fangirl when Jungkook said, "I won't stop you" LOL. But you're seriously killing me every week sara! I die every Tuesday, then get resurrected the next Tuesday just so I can't read the next chapter 😂 UGH AND AGAIN? REALLY SARA?  IM STILL WAITING TO FIND OUT WHAT Y/N IS 😭😂  I'm hoping the next chapter will be nice and long for me to indulge in 😉... and not gonna lie, I'm scared of the idea of vampires, BUT I REALLY WANT ME A VAMPIRE JUNGKOOK OMG 😜 - 7:45 Anon

Did you know that this wasn’t the first time that Jungkook said I Won’t Stop You? The reader has actually said it before too c: lolol And don’t worry - the next chapter will probably be around 7k words (just like this chapter was), because it’s essentually the chapter that I explain the lore I’ve created/decided upon ❤ AND SAME I REALLY WANT A VAMPKOOK and I also want Vampire Vmin too lolol~~ Thank you so much for reading the new chapter as always 7:45 anon ❤

Anonymous said: YESSS I WONT STOP YOU AAAh. This made my day lol , I love you!!!! Have a great day c:

Did you know that this wasn’t the first time that Jungkook said I Won’t Stop You? The reader has actually said it before too c: hehe ^^ I love you too and thank you so much for reading my dear!

@ineffabl-y said: IM SHAKEN OMFG but like WHEN IT SAID THE TITLE I SCREAMED also you should use this thing called interactivefics and it lets the reader insert their name inside the fic and I love it!!! just a suggestion tho ANYWAYS CANT WAIT TO BE THIRSTY FOR THIS FIC TILL NEXT TUESDAY <3

Did you know that this wasn’t the first time that Jungkook said I Won’t Stop You? The reader has actually said it before too c: That’s good that there’s a site like that but I think for now I’ll be staying on tumblr because if I moved and started uploading somewhere else, people might get confused :( Thank you so much for reading my love and I hope you have a good day!

@ohheyitsebonyrose said: Saraaaaaaaa my queen. That part was amazing. I'm so glad the protagonist knows of vampires now ^.^ IM SO CURIOUS TO SEE WHAT SHE IS!!

Yes she finally knows! What a relief hehe ^^ Thank you so much for thinking that it was amazing! I hope you’ll enjoy next week too my love ^^

@theninjachan said: I die every Tuesday and rise again every Tuesday. Thank you. Chapter 21 was a delight (cont.) Oh and “Go ahead; I won’t stop you”  Nut bust x10000000000

Did you know that this wasn’t the first time that Jungkook said I Won’t Stop You? The reader has actually said it before too c: Hehe, thank you so much for reading it my love and I hope you’re having an amazing day!

Anonymous said: I CANT TAKE NO MORE. THIS TUESDAY TO TUESDAY IS KILLING ME. I JUST WANT Y/N AND JUNGKOOK TO BUMP UGLIES AND BE HAPPY. BUT THIS CHAPTER WAS SO INFORMATIVE AND INTERESTING LIKE I WAS LIKE AHHHHH SNAP ITS GOIN DOWN NOW. But on a real note like this story is my shit. I don't mind waiting every week but I do. But like I don't. But then again I do. I'm just confused and I need to know what up with y/n cuz my theories are hella wild and I need the tea ☕️. I love you so much! 💜 ~LilKookieAnon

BUMP UGLIES AND BE HAPPY LMAO I LOVE YOU SO MUCH LIL KOOKIE ANON :3 I love you too and don’t worry, all will be explained in time, I promise you!! Have a wonderful day my dear and thank you so much :3

Anonymous said: Wait, so since Serrena is older then Jeonju does that make her a cougar?  🤔😂

I mean, I guess so c: A hella cougar tho! hehe~~

Anonymous said: I HAVE NO WORDS. That chapter was amazing!!!!!! I'm jungshook. But in all honesty I really want everyday to be Wednesday!! *sigh* I'm so excited for chapter 22! -Tall anon

Thank you so much my dear! That means so much to me Tall anon :D I’m so happy you enjoyed it!!

Anonymous said: How long do you think I Won't Stop You is going to be because honestly I need it to be as long as possible!! I absolutely love it

I have no idea how long it will be but it won’t be ending any time soon ^^ you guys will know as soon as I do! thank you so much for reading and enjoying it my dear ^^

Anonymous said: OH MY GOD I LITERALLY SANK DOWN IN MY SEAT WHEN HE SAID "I WON'T STOP YOU" ITS LIKE YOU MADE ALL OF THESE CHAPTERS JUST TO SAY THAT ONE PHRASE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IM SCREAMING

Did you know that this wasn’t the first time that Jungkook said I Won’t Stop You? The reader has actually said it before too c: It will be a reoccurring sentence throughout! I hope you’ll be able to find them all c: hehe I love you so much too and I’m so happy you enjoyed the chapter!!

@jynxy24 said: I hate you so much, Sara. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MEEEE AND JUST AS SHE WAS ABOUT TO TELL?! COME ONNNNNNNNNNNNNN! (Reader was adorable with the way she was asking question :3) I swear when I saw that cliffhanger, I was like, "Wha- Uh- Sara!" ISTG I'M SO CONFUSED AND FRUSTRSTED😂😂😂 Staph torturing me, Sara😂

Awww don’t hate me because I LOVE YOU very much c: And you should know by now that I love to torture you c: But thank you very much for reading the new chapter Jynxy my love ^^

Anonymous said: God damn it you know like what even what the actual fuck. I am more than shook rn ok. I am relieved nothing too bad happened but I am on edge now with that cliffhanger (& all others). I love it & dislike it (I don't like using hate cuz it's a strong word u kno). I'm sure u get that a lot tho lol. I am so excited for the next part oml I'm so eager to find out what the reader is & y she makes vamps feel things. It sucks to wait but I am really looking forward to the next part 💕 take care 💕

I do get it a lot haha it’s a weird feeling to know that people love and hate me at the same time lolol xD Thank you so much for reading and I’m sorry about the frustration! I hope you’re having an awesome day my dear ^^

@ananyak26 said: Ok I love this chapter!!! How can Serrena  be so savage AND sweet at the same time?!.. And jungkook... Ahhh.. Jungkook . Great job as usual author-nim!!!

She’s a badass mum indeed! Thank you so much my love and I’m so happy you enjoyed the new chapter!

Anonymous said: Love the 'I Won't Stop You' series! I found it a few weeks back and it's amazing!!! Always looking forward for each Tuesday (well Wednesday for me since I'm 7 hours ahead of you)

Ahhh thank you so much sweetie! I’m so happy you found it and that you’re enjoying it ^^ And ugh, damn timezones, they ruin everything!! lol I hope you’re having an amazing day ^^

@angelbeats47 said: YO SARA!!! I'm really getting angry reading I Won't Stop You!!! Like seriously you're writing is fantastic and I can't handle this anymore.... I literally threw my pillow as I finished reading the latest chapter 😡😡😡😡 THIS STORY IS TOO GOOD! I'M GETTING MAD BECAUSE I GOTTA WAIT ANOTHER WEEK FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER 😫😫😫😩😩😩 ugh so good so good 👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽

Hiya doll! :3 You only have to wait another 6 days so it’s not too far away right? c: hehe, thank you so much for reading and I’m sorry it makes you angry :P I hope you’ll enjoy the next chapter!!

Anonymous said: I die every Tuesday bc of your clifghangers!!! Asdfhklhdf your work is so good,  i literally binge read all of 'i won't stop you' yesterday and its killing me inside!! Also, a part of me wants yoongi to fall in love with her and become a better person but i also want her to end up with jungkook ahhhhh can u feel my pain T__T

Awh thank you so much my dear! Glad to know that you’re enjoying the story and I’m sorry about the frustration you feel heh ^^ Have an awesome day/night!!

[journalofasadperson]

Writings from a sad person

2:56 September 14 2019

I really want to use the machete. And no! It’s not for cutting my self you sick bastard. Like I think about it, but it doesn’t mean I will do it . I hate when people assume things and assume I don’t have self control and that I am just “crazy”. I WONT DO IT JESUS CHRIST I CAN HEAR YOUR THINKING FROM HERE :< I want to use it for fun!! Like cutting plants! (More like weeds) it’s fun clearing things out

I think mum is trying to make feel better about eating watermelon with my mouth here in Peru

Damn not remembering must suck. But then again if I lost certain memories I wouldn’t mind.

I like the country side more. Hunting would be fun as long as the ecosystem needs it. Though I still wouldn’t kill bears :< it’s too sad. Unless they really are hurting others.

Ha ha oh ya the phone has destroyed everything :, ) lmao it has completely destroyed everything. And aw yes science going ahead and further is making more corruption. Aw yaaaaa 🙄🙄🙄 this guy I swear.

At this point I have been quiet for so long. This is the quietest I have ever been. I feel very mute. If I start talking no one will listen to what I say because of age and all that bullshit.

The people are nice. Very caring :). There are just certain things we don’t agree on.

Coming back to the city - 7:29pm same day

5:28 September 21

Going to go home at midnight! I talked to the mama and she was super sad. Talking about how she is forgetting things. I wonder if that will happen to me?

8:25 in Salvador (high up in the air) sept 22

So I saw a big burly man hugging his stuff animal (dog), rippoff Justin biber, and discounted Jesus. (also a latino version of captain sparkles)

2:25 pm in US,Seattle, Oct. 25

well, hello cool area! I am back to typing on this note. Because i am still sad as fuck. Or something. I can’t tell the difference. I’m just really.fucking.tired. I want to sleep. Sometimes I wonder if I want to sleep forever... you know I can see how my past self wanted to kill myself. I know most of my friends don’t feel indifferent but you know. When you are like this you think the opposite. I feel a lot of love from my best friends though. A few people from discord. I can’t wait to go to school next week. I want to get out of this fucking hell hole. I think I’m going non verbal. Which fucking sucksSUCCCKKKKKS! But oh well. I wonder if my brother cares at all. Like I know he does. But I guess not the yelling part sense I am 17. Gee thanks bro. I hate getting yelled at. I am very sick of it. I wished I did die. But I don’t want too. I just want to not get yelled at for being “stupid” or for being a “dumbass” but hey at least grandma and Ramiro don’t yell at me. I hate this feeling. I thought the whole yelling at me and telling me she was going to hit me would be gone by now. You know?? She only hit me once. And too used yell at me all the time. That’s why I hated middle school for a period... it fucking sucked, I hated going back home. I am always anxious. Like... can I even sit??? Or something? And they tell me you are being lazy or not doing things you should be doing. I should be doing something with the house or some shit. I get it bro, maintaining a house is fucking hard. I never said it was easy. FUCK nothing is easy and I hate how they think I think it’s easy. Of course fucking not. You think I am that inept. That I don’t care? Well fucking news flash! I do. This is why I have voices in my head ladies and gentlemen and non-binary lovelies! They remind me to do things and talk to me through things. They are very helpful at times. I should have stayed depressed... Maybe then I would be oh so fucking helpful. I need to get this out. Thank god for notes in my phone. Thank god for my phone in general. I would have died earlier with out it. Getting info on what self harm is and seeking communities for comfort is great. And learning is better on here anyways. So ya, fuck you.

10:53 am Oct 26

Mum said people would leave me if I am not more considerate. Aka better :) and love me haha.

I keep having nightmares

11:23 am

I am not feeling great. I am thinking suicidal again. I don’t like it. Every time I look at mom I get nervous..... I haven’t taken my meds.

Just took them. Maybe that why I am happier. Because I blocked out all those times she has yelled at me and belittled me. I don’t like remembering that.

...footsteps scare me

But anyways! Thank god for the meds! Helps me forget some of this shit! :)

(I know that’s not good but like what else I’m I supposed to do)

I can’t to go to LA and spend the rest of my life there. I want to live with my best friends! And have fun and not get yelled at!

11:48

Forget anything I said. I am going to forget and pretend none of this ever happened.

So I woke up! And I had nightmares! But that’s okay because I got to sleep in a little bit more! And I can’t wait to bake and me and my grandma are going to spend time together! :D and my mum is going to go with my brother!



10:32PM Oct. 28 2019

My old roommate Don epfaniyo came by. Got beaten up really fucking good. They kicked him, scratched him and punched him. He went to the hospital last night. Went there at 9:00PM? He said the fight started at 9:00PM. Probably the fight didn’t last that long. But fuck. He is not doing so hot right now. Both of his eyes are red and his skin looked like he was skidded on the pavement. They (don Carlos/epfaniyo and right now my roommate who is about to leave) are joking around. Glad they can still laugh, but that also means they are used to it. I hope his in law can find peace in his soul.

5:07pm Oct. 29 2019

Finished a doc appointment. It was super weird though. The nice pregnant lady kept asking me questions, like a lot of questions. Like if I was being abused at home or if I felt safe at home/ with myself. I wonder if I do look worse for wear... she was super nice though :) I’m glad I talked to her she didn’t judge me at all. I wish she was always my doctor. She asked me about my mental health and how I was doing at school. To be honest I don’t know if I lied. I tried my best to talk to her though. I have been having urges to kill myself I told her but I reassured her I wouldn’t because I have people that care about me. I don’t want them to be alone. I don’t want to die to be honest. I just want too move out and get more help. I want to explore more :) I can’t wait to leave. The next days will be tough because I won’t have my meds... first time I am without my meds. I don’t think things are going to go super good. But it’s going to be okay :D



7:38pm Nov 9

I guess I can’t fuck up with paco either. I get scolded for almost throwing up at his poop. And sneered at me saying “you can put away the bags right? You won’t vomit then?” Like geez woman I’m sorry I’m learning. Paco has been coughing a lot. And I don’t really wanna play because he has a fuck ton of more energy then me. He deserves a better family to be honest. Mum wanted this and I went along cause I wanted to give paco a good home and I thought maybe if he came things would get better. But why do I lie to myself.

God,maybe I am a fuck up.

9:10pm Nov 11

I feel like fucking shit. To be honest I don’t even know how to breathe some days and when I go to therapy I forget I was sad and not lie, but forget to write down I am wanting to die. I want to break everything I own and die. How can I function when my mum wants to tell me what do. Oh sorry forgetting about time because to me TIME IS NONEXISTNET FUCK YOU.I DONT HATE YOU I JUST DON’T SEE YOU ANYMORE

I wonder if this is why people kill themselves. Do I hate myself? I don’t I do. Logically its not my fault. I think anyways

Paco is being cute though. He is a nice distraction. GOD I hate that Carla was right about keeping a journal. Oh I forgot to mention abby is not interested in me. Which gives me so much closure! (I had no idea what her feelings were so like I do I proceed thy friendship lmao)I am thankful for having good friends. I just wish I didn’t see everyone like npc though. I feel like they are npc because I don’t know. I am glad paco is here, he lights up the place even though he poops EVERYWHERE. lol. Anyways I keep hearing the voices sometimes really strong other times I feel like going crazy. Like actual crazy none of that fake shit. Like fuck man. I go into this mind palace and force all my frustration there.i am allowed to go crazy I am allowed to scream and walk around the streets singing/dancing/talking to myself.its fun I am allowed to break bottles and walk around with my mother worrying about me. She is not there in that plane she is at home not worrying about me.

The song of the day Good day by BTS

Keep fighting

9:25pm Nov 12

I FEEL FUCKING LONELY…. I will try talking to someone?

10:10 pm Nov 19

If I could I would kill myself.

I fuck up everything

There is no use for me anymore

I fucked Elvis over and they tell me not to tell them.

I made them depressed

I shouldn’t be breathing right now

I should be dead

Talking to my ancestors

I wish I could kill myself

But I have to get to California first.

Feb 10 Mon 8:00pm

All I remember is the quiet loudness. When parasite won and Taika Waititi won an Oscar. The same road I took where I died. My mind trapped needlessly in a hold where it can’t climb out of.