#i believe in growth and forgiveness

[fleursfairies]

personally, if a celebrity said something kinda homophobic once in 2007 im not gonna hate them forever

[plantsjustwannahavefun]

I am once again begging Ed stans to understand that it's possible to love Ed and believe he deserves love AND also admit that he mistreated and tormented the crew during the Kraken era. Not only is this possible, this is the position the show wants you to have. You think Izzy deserved everything he got? Fine, whatever, forget about him for a minute. There's a whole crew in there you're supposed to empathise with and feel sympathy for, too. The six of them that Ed actively tried to kill or left for dead, for starters. Pay attention to the crew's experiences and reactions. They're shown to be traumatised, grieving, clinging to disassociation (Frenchie) and nihilism (Archie) as coping mechanisms and suffering from PTSD flashbacks. And, since this type of fans constantly go on about how it's racist to think Ed did anything wrong... what about the fact that a lot of the crew are PoC too? What then?

If you've watched the first 3 episodes of S2 and there was only one person on that ship you felt sorry for, then you're not a fan of OFMD, you're just a fan of Ed in isolation. And if the only way you can love Ed is by denying that he ever did anything wrong, then you're completely missing the point of the show. OFMD never said that people only deserve to be loved if they're morally perfect and flawless. The show doesn't subscribe to the dichotomy of Good vs Bad. Good people can do bad things. They can hurt the ones they love. Even if they didn't mean to, even if they themselves were suffering at the time, it doesn't mean they don't need to take responsibility for their actions or avoid the consequences. Stede didn't mean to hurt Mary and his kids when he left, but he still did. He had legitimate reasons for leaving, he didn't just do it for the lolz, but it was still wrong and Mary was right to be angry at him. And Stede needed to face up to this - not just for their sake but his too. Even though it turned out their lives were better off without him, reconciling with Mary was still crucial for his character development.

It was the same for Ed, it just didn't get handled quite as well due to lack of screentime, but the idea was the same. When Ed realises he'd been cruel to Fang and apologises, he isn't sinking into self-hatred and despair. Quite the contrary, this is a moment of growth for him. Because the fact is, just because you as a human being are inherently worthy of love doesn't mean you can go around hurting everyone and expecting them to put up with you. That's just not how it works. You don't need to be perfect, but you do need to listen to people when they tell you that you hurt them and apologise genuinely and try to be better. The show is very sympathetic to Ed but it does NOT excuse his actions. The crew aren't portrayed as villains or antagonists for being scared and angry at Ed for what he did to them. Even Stede was on their side with this one. If even Stede is able to see things from the crew's POV and have sympathy for them, then you should too. Stede doesn't love Ed because he sees Ed as a pure uwu angel. He loves Ed... because he just does. He loves being around him. They really click together. They have so much in common. That doesn't mean he approves of literally everything Ed has ever done. It just means he loves Ed despite that.

[iamsigningmylifeaway]

most chemically balanced yasha enjoyer

[lifefactz]

Time to put yourself first.

[odetolovers]

it is absolutely wild the way i’ve allowed people to treat me

[teruthecreator]

1 AM and the servers asleep so i’m just gonna post my thoughts on here but i think it’s rlly so important and poignant how sho extends an olive branch to his father after everything that happened, when he absolutely would’ve been justified in spitting in toichiro’s face and walking out of his life forever (similarly to what toichiro did to him, metaphorically at least). and that decision that he makes is one that cements how mature and understanding sho is despite his antics and attitude.

like, he’s a kid, and he’s a kid that experienced massive amounts of abuse and trauma in his formative years. we will truly never know how he was raised whilst working in claw, but seeing how pretty much everyone else was manipulated, brainwashed, and tortured into reaching their full potential—the assumption can be made that it wasn’t easy. and sho’s father is Directly responsible for that, meaning he’s Directly responsible for any mistreatment or neglect sho faced even if it wasn’t done by him directly. and any kid at his age with all that baggage probably wouldn’t want to keep their dad around, after everything has finally been resolved. but sho doesn’t do that; he reminds toichiro that he’s still gotta hear an earful from his ex wife, and sho is ensuring that this won’t be the end. he is offering his father a kindness that that man never gave to him. and that’s like. Astounding for a kid his age

i think it’s really easy for people to place sho firmly in the trope of like silly, goofy kid with an insane side; but sho has one of the most level heads out of the esper teens. it’s kind of like he got a lot of that emotional turbulence out of the way beforehand, and now is just centering his focus on this one goal. of course, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t do stupid shit based on bad trains of thought (the whole concept of him trying to resist the narrative only to become more ingrained in it is like. right there. also the hero trope shit y’all have seen the essay posts i’m not reiterating). but sho is a lot more sure of what he’s doing and what he wants than ritsu, mob, or teru.

also it’s just like. the fact that he gives his father a second chance really drives home the message of the entire series. that people can make mistakes, but those mistakes do not have to define their whole existence if they’re willing to own up to them and change. sho is extending himself in much the same way mob extended himself to toichiro hours earlier, only this time there’s the weight of this probably not being the first time sho has given his father a second chance and yet he Still does it. and toichiro realizing that he could’ve squandered that chance during confession arc is SO GOOD like you see how sho is conflicted and hurt bc he’s essentially being let down once again, and so toichiro walks back. he won’t let his son’s trust be given in vain

the suzukis rival the kageyamas in terms of like. accurate familial representation. like if you eliminate all of the psychic terrorism bullshit, this is a broken family—further broken by a messy divorce—trying to navigate life post-everything. there is no expectation for sho to forgive his father (he doesn’t do that at any point and That Is Important), and there’s no expectation for him to do anything with his father At All. toichiro understands that he is deserving of no one’s kindness.

yet sho does it anyway. he does it because he wants to and because he cares. and that’s far more than toichiro could’ve ever asked for

[musclesandhammering]

Does Loki/Brad have a ship name? Asking for a friend 👀

[firendgold]

If you're still doing the choose violence ask game: 2 (👀), 9, 10, 22 ?

I got such a rush from finally answering the first ask that I'm doing this for as long as people send me questions. So here we go again!

2. a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

anon, I'm at work. I'm seeing this at work. :'D

Okay, serious face. Albus Dumbledore is probably my fave if I have to choose between him and Harry on this blog. I just have to figure out why he would never...

Bottom. Albus would never, I'm sorry. He won't. He can't. Like, maybe when he was having his whirlwind summer romance with Gellert, he bottomed every single time they fucked because he was so in love and this was his equal and his partner and so what if he was a little rough and distant sometimes in the bedroom, and always wanted to top and tug his hair and hiss out orders? This was The Man The Universe Had Crafted For Him, and he would absolutely bottom for him every time... and then the summer of 1899 ends. And Ariana dies. And Aberforth breaks Albus' nose. And Gellert fucks off to go be a fascist.

And Albus, alone and heartbroken, resolves to never trust someone that completely again, never love someone that same way, and never let anyone get into a position of power over him where they might be able to use his knowledge and talents for ill. That means physically, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically... carnally. So he has sex with plenty of other people, and even falls in love with a few of them, but he is in control at all times. He never bottoms again.

That's all I've got for that one.

9. worst part of canon

So the first answer that came to mind is posted here, but for fairness' sake I'll try to come up with another worst thing. (That's not related to ships, because I'm trying really hard not to be THAT violent on the violence ask game.)

I think... that if That Woman was going to introduce international schools, students and characters in the middle book of the series, she should have done more with them than having them vanish after Goblet of Fire, only to come back for either fake romantic tension and one line of exposition about the Hitler allegory Dark Lord of the Before-Times (Krum, Deathly Hallows) or to be married off to a Weasley for an aesop of It's Not About His Looks Now That They're Jacked Up (Fleur, Half-Blood Prince). I'm not saying Fleur and Viktor HAD to be best buddies forever with Harry, but it is weird that they have this unique bond that no other young students have had with each other in hundreds of years, they even lost one of their fellow champions, Dumbledore gives this very moving speech about remaining connected and not letting darkness and prejudice sever new ties, and then... nothing. No side adventures in France or wherever Durmstrang is, no communication from either side, nothing.

Feels like a huge letdown in hindsight.

10. worst part of fanon

Oh, no. That's not fair. There's just so many.

If I had to consolidate what I currently don't like about the HP fandom/fanon into a few lines, I think I would say that I hate the pureblood/Dark side apologism. I do believe in nuance in characters. I do believe redemption and/or walking different paths is an important theme in Harry Potter, and I think it's fascinating to explore that with any and every character you can think of, even characters I may not personally like. But I really, really hate the way the fandom has taken that and twisted it into this idea that we were sold a lie at the start: that the British magical government was fine the way it was, and so was the society around it; that Dark magic Isn't All That Bad, Really, and there are actually Good and non-prejudiced things about a few rich bitches passing down their knowledge and secrets and slurs for generations within the Family, and keeping the Family "Pure" is cool actually, and none of this has any relation to real life ideas about miscegenation and classism and racism and eugenics, what are you talking about?

It's just so worrying. As a minority, when I see people on tumblr/twitter/AO3 gleefully agreeing that we need to eat the rich and fix society and eradicate all the horrid -isms and -archys ruining all our lives, then watch them turn around and write a 200k epic where Dumbledore was the evil one for locking the Horcrux books away and championing marginalized members of society, Hermione is just uppity for wanting to make necessary changes to the darker parts of magical society that That Woman was literally pointing out for a reason, and Tom Riddle is only bad because he took the good segregationist pureblood ideas and added murder to them... and when that fic gets thousands of comments agreeing with them full stop with no examination of any of that... it makes me anxious, at a minimum. The same thing is happening now with Grindelwald now that he's actually a figure on the screen and not just some dude mentioned a few times in the book series: same apologism, same justification of atrocities, same good-guy-blame-games, same blorbofication even.

On the one hand... fiction doesn't always directly reflect or affect reality. On the other... this unironic pro-pureblood meta is a pervasive concept that has popped up in thousands of fics written by thousands of fanfic writers. It's happened for years, and it keeps happening, and I see very few fans speaking out against it or even acknowledging it as a problem. So that makes me ask myself, who actually is willing and able to examine the injustices of our society and build a better imaginary society through the lens of HP fanfiction, and who's okay with the prejudice in the HP world as long as it's coming from the faves they're attracted to?

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

Happily, this is a harder question to answer because I've been finding so many like minds in the past 5 years who go feral over the same 20 HP scenes as I do. ^^ But give me a sec, I'll think of something.

...

Okay. Got it.

In order to answer this question, I have to go back to the first time I, young teenager, avid reader, recent reader of the HP series once book 5 was out, realized that Harry and Dumbledore had a much deeper relationship than just headmaster and student. The thing that made me latch on to them and project like crazy, basically.

It's the scene in Goblet of Fire chapter 36 where Harry has been rescued from Fake Moody and he's in Dumbledore's office with Dumbledore and Sirius. Dumbledore asks Harry to relay everything that happened to him once he touched the Portkey in the maze—and immediately Sirius tries to protect Harry from having to relive it now, so soon after it's happened. And then this scene happens.

Dumbledore stopped talking. He sat down opposite Harry, behind his desk. He was looking at Harry, who avoided his eyes. Dumbledore was going to question him. He was going to make Harry relive everything. “I need to know what happened after you touched the Portkey in the maze, Harry,” said Dumbledore. “We can leave that till morning, can’t we, Dumbledore?” said Sirius harshly. He had put a hand on Harry’s shoulder. “Let him have a sleep. Let him rest.” Harry felt a rush of gratitude toward Sirius, but Dumbledore took no notice of Sirius’s words. He leaned forward toward Harry. Very unwillingly, Harry raised his head and looked into those blue eyes. “If I thought I could help you,” Dumbledore said gently, “by putting you into an enchanted sleep and allowing you to postpone the moment when you would have to think about what has happened tonight, I would do it. But I know better. Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it. You have shown bravery beyond anything I could have expected of you. I ask you to demonstrate your courage one more time. I ask you to tell us what happened.” The phoenix let out one soft, quavering note. It shivered in the air, and Harry felt as though a drop of hot liquid had slipped down his throat into his stomach, warming him, and strengthening him. He took a deep breath and began to tell them. As he spoke, visions of everything that had passed that night seemed to rise before his eyes; he saw the sparkling surface of the potion that had revived Voldemort; he saw the Death Eaters Apparating between the graves around them; he saw Cedric’s body, lying on the ground beside the cup. Once or twice, Sirius made a noise as though about to say something, his hand still tight on Harry’s shoulder, but Dumbledore raised his hand to stop him, and Harry was glad of this, because it was easier to keep going now he had started. It was even a relief; he felt almost as though something poisonous were being extracted from him. It was costing him every bit of determination he had to keep talking, yet he sensed that once he had finished, he would feel better.

This is one of the best scenes in the entire book, the entire series. It completely refutes the fanon Dumbledore who is often cold, cruel, inflexible and unrelenting in his quest for whatever the author wants him to be inflexible and cruel about at the time. It shows that Dumbledore, the real Albus Dumbledore, is one of the few people who understands what Harry needs and is able to provide it to him, even when others who also care for Harry would rather protect him or shield him from what he needs.

Kid me was particularly taken by how gentle Dumbledore is with Harry here. It made me look back and see how in some ways this scene, this closeness, is the culmination of all the times they've met and spoken before.

(You can imagine how painful it was reading Order of the Phoenix right after this.)

But yeah, that's probably one of my favorite scenes that other people ignore or haven't talked about/drawn/written about much. Which is ironic, because the scene right after that where Harry talks about Voldemort taking his blood and Dumbledore's eyes do the triumphant "lol Voldemort just fucked up" gleam is probably one of THE most talked-about scenes in the fandom (even though to this fucking day in 2023 people still don't realize what the gleam meant, when even That Woman has clarified what it meant in INTERVIEWS).

...And for me, safely at the end of the questions, that's all she wrote.

[putonmyfavoriteshow]

I love a character study video 😍 And this one is just amazing (this fan editor never misses). Casey McDonald is honestly such a complex character and I always loved her arc throughout Life With Derek! She was one of my favorite characters and her identity crisis as a teenager felt really authentic as she tried to balance being an over-achiever and just wanting to be seen.

[angersreflectionofpain]

The hardest thing to say is “I’m sorry”

“I know I have hurt you and me”

“I want to make it right/better”

Read this again…

Then again…

Question… How does this FEEL for YOU?

To be continued….

[inhonoredglory]

Aziraphale’s Choice, the Job Connection, and Michael Sheen’s Morality

Update: Michael Sheen liked this post on Twitter, so I'm fairly certain there is a lot of validity to it.

I’ve had time to process Aziraphale’s choice at the end of Season 2. And I think only blaming the religious trauma misses something important in Aziraphale’s character. I think what happened was also Aziraphale’s own conscious choice––as a growth from his trauma, in fact. Hear me out.

Since November 2022 I’ve been haunted by something Michael Sheen said at the MCM London Comic Con. At the Q&A, someone asked him about which fantasy creature he enjoyed playing most and Michael (bless him, truly) veered on a tangent about angels and goodness and how, specifically,

We as a society tend to sort of undervalue goodness. It’s sort of seen as sort of somehow weak and a bit nimby and “oh it’s nice.” And I think to be good takes enormous reserves of courage and stamina. I mean, you have to look the dark in the face to be truly good and to be truly of the light…. The idea that goodness is somehow lesser and less interesting and not as kind of muscular and as passionate and as fierce as evil somehow and darkness, I think is nonsense. The idea of being able to portray an angel, a being of love. I love seeing the things people have put online about angels being ferocious creatures, and I love that. I think that’s a really good representation of what goodness can be, what it should be, I suppose.

I was looking forward to BAMF!Aziraphale all season long, and I think that’s what we got in the end. Remember Neil said that the Job minisode was important for Aziraphale’s story. Remember how Aziraphale sat on that rock and reconciled to himself that he MUST go to Hell, because he lied and thwarted the will of God. He believed that––truly, honestly, with the faith of a child, but the bravery of a soldier.

Aziraphale, a being of love with more goodness than all of Heaven combined, believed he needed to walk through the Gates of Hell because it was the Right Thing to do. (Like Job, he didn’t understand his sin but believed he needed to sacrifice his happiness to do the Right Thing.)

That’s why we saw Aziraphale as a soldier this season: the bookshop battle, the halo. But yes, the ending as well.

Because Aziraphale never wanted to go to Heaven, and he never wanted to go there without Crowley.

But it was Crowley who taught him that he could, even SHOULD, act when his moral heart told him something was wrong. While Crowley was willing to run away and let the world burn, it was Aziraphale (in that bandstand at the end of the world) who stood his ground and said No. We can make a difference. We can save everyone.

And Aziraphale knew he could not give up the ace up his sleeve (his position as an angel) to talk to God and make them see the truth in his heart.

I was messed up by Ineffable Bureaucracy (Boxfly) getting their happy ending when our Ineffable Husbands didn’t, but I see now that them running away served to prove something to Aziraphale. (And I am fully convinced that Gabriel and Beelzebub saw the example of the Ineffables at the Not-pocalypse and took inspiration from them for choosing to ditch their respective sides)

But my point is that Aziraphale saw them, and in some ways, they looked like him and Crowley. And he saw how Gabriel, the biggest bully in Heaven, was also like him in a way (a being capable of love) and also just a child when he wasn’t influenced by the poison of Heaven. Muriel, too, wasn’t a bad person. The Metatron also seemed to have grown more flexible with his morality (from Aziraphale's perspective). Like Earth, Heaven was shades of (light?) gray.

Aziraphale is too good an angel not to believe in hope. Or forgiveness (something he’s very good at it).

Aziraphale has been scarred by Heaven all his life. But with the cracks in Heaven’s armor (cracks he and Crowley helped create), Aziraphale is seeing something else. A chance to change them. They did terrible things to him, but he is better than them, and because of Crowley, he feels ready to face them.

(Will it work? Can Heaven change, institutionally? Probably not, but I can't blame Aziraphale for trying.)

At the cafe, the Metatron said something big was coming in the Great Plan. Aziraphale knows how trapped he had felt when he didn’t have God’s ear the first time something huge happened in the Big Plan. He can’t take a chance again to risk the world by not having a foot in the door of Heaven. That’s why we saw individual human deaths (or the threat of death) so much more this season: Elspeth, Wee Morag, Job’s children, the 1940s magician. Aziraphale almost killed a child when he couldn’t get through to God, and he’s not going through that again.

“We could make a difference.” We could save everyone.

Remember what Michael Sheen said about courage and doing good––and having to “look the dark in the face to be truly good.” That’s what happened when Aziraphale was willing to go to Hell for his actions. That’s what happened when he decided he had to go to Heaven, where he had been abused and belittled and made to feel small. He decided to willingly go into the Lion’s Den, to face his abusers and his anxiety, to make them better so that they would not try to destroy the world again.

Him, just one angel. He needed Crowley to be there with him, to help him be brave, to ask the questions that Heaven needed to hear, to tell them God was wrong. Crowley is the inspiration that drives Aziraphale’s change, Crowley is the engine that fuels Aziraphale’s courage.

But then Crowley tells him that going to Heaven is stupid. That they don’t need Heaven. And he’s right. Aziraphale knows he’s right.

Aziraphale doesn’t need Heaven; Heaven needs him. They just don’t know how much they need him, or how much humanity needs him there, too. (If everyone who ran for office was corrupt, how can the system change?)

Terry Pratchett (in the Discworld book, Small Gods) is scathing of God, organized religion, and the corrupt people religion empowers, but he is sympathetic to the individual who has real, pure faith and a good heart. In fact, the everyman protagonist of Small Gods is a better person than the god he serves, and in the end, he ends up changing the church to be better, more open-minded, and more humanist than god could ever do alone.

Aziraphale is willing to go to the darkest places to do the Right Thing, and Heaven is no exception. When Crowley says that Heaven is toxic, that’s exactly why Aziraphale knows he needs to go there. “You’re exactly is different from my exactly.”

____

In the aftermath of Trump's election in the US, Brexit happened in 2018. Michael Sheen felt compelled to figure out what was going on in his country after this shock. But he was living in Los Angeles with Sarah Silverman at the time, and she also wanted to become more politically active in the US.

Sheen: “I felt a responsibility to do something, but it [meant] coming back [to Britain] – which was difficult for us, because we were very important to each other. But we both acknowledge that each of us had to do what we needed to do.” In the end, they split up and Michael moved back to the UK.

Sometimes doing the Right Thing means sacrificing your own happiness. Sometimes it means going to Hell. Sometimes it means going to Heaven. Sometimes it means losing a relationship.

And that’s why what happened in the end was so difficult for Aziraphale. Because he loves Crowley desperately. He wants to be together. He wanted that kiss for thousands of years. He knows that taking command of Heaven means they would never again have to bow to the demands of a God they couldn’t understand, or run from a Hell who still came after them. They could change the rules of the game.

And he’s still going to do that. But it hurts him that he has to do that alone.

[marsprincess889]

Basic themes of nakshatras

May edit this later, this is as far as I understand and have observed them, and I think it's pretty nice to see them simply.

Ashwini:

Newness, freshness, the unmanifest, speed, energy, vitality, instinct, healing, fast healing, unlimited energy, self-expression, selfishness, blocking outside noise, trusting yourself, self-empowerment, unfiltered actions.

Things that remind me of Ashwini: bees, the sun, horses, two white horses, golden deserts, horses gallopping, honey, long hair flying in the wind, apples.

Bharani:

Love, death, sex, the female, the feminine, limitations, the material, fate, destiny, coming into the body, struggling against limitations, struggling against fate, mind trapped in its own hell because of the inevitable, dealing with the harshness of life, harshness of mothers and mother nature, the hierarchy, privileges and deprivations, desire, going after your true desire, the immortality of the soul, adapting to changes, passion, tragic love, bravery, facing the truth, choicelessness, nessecity, revenge, violence, gatekeeping, reduction, denial of access, conquering your fate, everlasting beauty, immortality, eternal love.

Things that remind me of Bharani: hot pink and black, darkness, roses, the yoni, gateways, keyholes, caverns, boats, rivers, the damsel in distress, fantasy, high fantasy.

Krittika:

Adam, the main character, naming things, language, rationality, precision, sharpness, criticism, the poet, the "it" person, simplicity, cleanliness, expressing oneself, selectivity, the heat, the knowledge, the light, masculine ideals, stoicism.

Things that remind me of Krittika: knives, razors, lighers, sparks, fire, hearth, cooking.

Rohini:

Eve, sugar babies, growth, receptivity, enjoyment, pleasure, unrefined, doted on, subconcious, absorbtion, sharing, union, creation, the youngest daughter, naivete, feeling no shame.

Things that remind me of Rohini: sugar, stickiness, sweetness, heaviness, red, pink, flowers, the A.I(lol).

Mrigashira:

Distraction, realization, fickleness, adventure, running away, chasing, the hunt, excitement, softness, pleasure, altering conciousness, magic substances(iykwim), curiosity, fulfillment, insatiability, teasing.

Things that remind me of Mrigashira: silver threads, deer, green forests, green and blue, running in the woods, alcohol, the moon, Shakespeare's "A Midsummer Night's Dream".

Ardra:

Disillusion, crying, lamenting, awareness of others, awarness of other's expectations, hyper-awarness of everything, intellect, the rational mind, pressures from society, rebelling against society, anxiety, hunting.

Things that remind me of Ardra: tears, water, storms, technology, teenage angst, emo culture, the rain, sad songs, dogs.

Punarvasu:

Mercy, forgiveness, permission, freedom, flying, expansion, gentleness, regrowing, realigning, returning, home, unconditional love and nurture, celebration, peace, peacefulness, centering oneself, sunlight, warmth, fostering, taking care, being taken care of, luck, unlimited fertile space, shelter, genuine kindness, believing in humanity again, cycles, patterns, seeing the cycles and the patterns, prophecies, the oracle, openness, second (and third, fouth...) chances, a comeback.

Things that remind me of Punarvasu: staying at home, pets, plants, cats, gentle rain, a bow and arrows, a target.

Pushya:

Asceticism, routines, self-restraint, servitude, control, self-control, working, working on yourself, patience, simplicity, striving for perfection, nurturing, nourishment, quiet ambition, symmetry.

Things that remind me of Pushya: milk, milkmaids, country life, milking, symmetry, goats, sheep, agriculture.

Ashlesha:

Manipulation, abuse, poison, emotional abuse, blackmail, resorting to everything for safety, protection, pent up energy, the nervous system, purity, water, sensitivity, cleanliness, energetic build-up, tension, restraint, preservation, self-preservation, virginity, feminine tactics, being "mean" for protection, lying for safety, sensuality, mother issues, agitation.

Things that remind me of Ashlesha: the color white, transparent things, cats, poisoning, snow white, Sofia Coppola films, teenage girlhood, ties, strings, knots, snakes.

Magha:

Royalty, power, ancestry, family trees, history, the past, regality, honoring the past, honoring the elders, honoring the authority, religion, tradition, customs, confidence, ego.

Things that remind me of Magha: crowns, thrones, churches, goth culture, smoke, big hair(like the lion's mane).

Purva Phalguni:

Pleasure, enjoyment, being spoiled as the feminine, loving to spoil as the masculine, procreation, sex, leisure, art, holidays, parties, exclusivity, pride, charisma, sexual dispersion, love as a method of self-expression, admiration, directness, active pursuit of your passions, indulgence.

Things that remind me of Purva Phalguni: fruits, eating fruits topless, rose gold color, the "rizz"(lol), the phallus, dramaticism.

Uttara Phalguni:

Favors from friends, family and partners, contracts, beneficial agreements, the perfect wife, likeability, popularity, friendliness, appearing cool, stoicism, beneficial arrangements, gain through partnerships, self-expression through relationships, wife/girlrfiend material, harvest, family associations, marriage associations.

Things that remind me of Uttara Phalguni: the "chads", simplicity, genuine friends, loyal companions, family business, the perfect male stereotype, the "rich heiress running away" trope, wheat, gold, power couples.

Hasta:

The earth, the veiled feminine, manipulation, denial of access, materialism, cheating, everyday matters, empowerment of women, deception, skill, seeking knowledge, wanting to be in control, activism, street-smarts, manipulation of masses.

Things that remind me of Hasta: the hand, Goddess Persephone, skilled hands, thieves, easy money, fairies, witches, scammers.

Chitra:

Crafting, building, perspective, truth, law, gems, sacrifice for your craft, vanity, stereotypes, aesthetics, the truth in stereotypes, building based on the law and the truth, the surface of things, the appearance of things, the substance reflected in the vessel, gossip, cliques.

Things that remind me of Chitra: the god Hephestos, martian gods in general, jewelry, fashion, make-up, drama, pettiness, the coquette aesthetic, pranksters, Olivia Rodrigo(ig).

Swati:

Space, the cosmos, shifting realities, love, rebellion, alternate realities, possibilities, seeing beauty in everything, inspiration, art, the cosmic egg, creation of the world, creation of worlds, microcosm and macrocosm, freedom through love.

Things that remind me of Swati: video games, the wind, plants beggining to sprout, the sword, technology, the Sims.

Vishakha:

The lightning, snapping, splitting, joining opposites, compromise, marriage, repressed anger, repressed aggression, alter egos, passion, enthusiasm, standing up for yourself and others, repression and then expression, energy, love and hate.

Things that remind me of Vishakha: lighning bolts, Zeus, Thor and other lighning gods, superhero "Shazam", celebrations.

Anuradha:

Friendship, devotion, depth, loyalty, unconditional loyalty, bonds, the occult, sex with love, numbers, gatherings, friend groups, groups, gentleness, humbleness, discipline, seriousness, organizing society, social groups.

Things that remind me of Anuradha: the color burgundy, dim lights, bunnies, "Sex Education" (tv show), sci-fi (for some reason), "The Vampire Diaries" (and very similar teen shows), frat boys, cheerleaders.

Jyeshta:

The battlefield, war, hunger, thirst, insatiability, conquering, the underdog, street-smarts, competition, strategy, extreme independence, mind games, the art of war, survival, ruling, rising above, self-reliance, wisdom, becoming the authority, the eldest, dryness, trust issues, enemies, destroying enemies, outsmarting all enemies.

Things that remind me of Jyeshta: grandmothers, owls, eagles, dry places, flags, marching, chess.

Mula:

Horror, the abnormal, the truth, the core, the center, the absorbing darkness, the black hole, the roots, violence against falsehoods, seeking the truth, seeking the cause, seeking roots, uprooting, chaos, from chaos to order, the unchanging truth, taming beasts, holding to your truth.

Things that remind me of Mula: "Phanton of the Opera", "Twilight", final girls, horror movies, dark murky green, the wilderness.

Purva Ashadha:

Art, beauty, alliances, artistry, ideals, fighting for the ideal, discrimination, exclusivity, philosophies about beauty and art, passion for love and art, attachments, secrecy, luxury, vitality, vigor, going for victory.

Things that remind me of Purva Ashadha: the sea, seafoam, goddess Aphrodite, seashells, mermaids, sirens, fans (the ones you hold in your hand lol), Arwen from LotR.

Uttara Ashadha:

Victory, loneliness, individuality, government, empowerment, independence, being looked up to, composed self-expression, ease, simplicity but regality, confidence, self-assuredness, melancholy and hardships of aloneness but contentment, stoicism, invincibility, unapologetic behavior.

Things that remind me of Uttara Ashadha: earnest people, goddess Nike, mint color for some reason.

Shravana:

Connecting everything, secret knowledge, interest in everything, reading between the lines, subconcious access, extreme sensitivity, holding the humanity together, secret agencies, percieving what others can't percieve, saving humanity, navigating, receptivity, mysticism.

Things that remind me of Shravana: Superman, Geralt of Rivia, Aragorn, King arthur, pathways, footprints, ear, color blue, spies, astrology, outcasts, fringe societies.

Dhanishta:

Celebration, celebrities, fame, visibility, aggression, agitation, action, bringing people together, idols, propaganda, wealth from fame, that which attracts attention, public image, benefits and downsides of fame, openness and flashiness, branding.

Things that remind me of Dhanishta: supermodels, Princess Diana, dancing, rhythmic drums.

Shatabhisha:

Complexities, seeing everything, lurking in shadows, holding the knowledge, secrets, secrecy, hiding, technology, innovation, being ahead of your time, advising but manipulating, society, the collective, trends, the conciousness of masses, propaganda.

Things that remind me of Shatabhisha: midnight sky, stars, the seas, water reservoirs, the circle, the all-seeing eye of Sauron(lol), Lord of the Rings, rings, the movie "Stardust" (the book too), the evil advisor/black cardinal trope.

Purva Bhadrapada:

Notoriety, expansion, uncontrolled expansion, persmissiveness, growth to ruin unless restrained, fighting for your soul, the scapegoat, going against society, getting tested, the point of no return.

Things that remind me of Purva Bhadrapada: gangs, famous criminals, laziness, femme fatales, the grotesque, deserts, werewolves, the black sheep.

Uttara Bhadrapada:

Finding grace, hardships, working, inner strength, steeliness, resilience, patience, restraint, contol, self-restraint and self-control, bravery, honesty, stubbornness, fighting for your truth, perfect control, freedom through limitations, seeking a permanent foundation built on truth, working for the foundation, long-term goals, innocence, purity of soul, stillness, refinement, honor and glory.

Things that remind me of Uttara Bhadrapada: butterflies, clouds, baby blue color, Cinderella, warriors, knights, knight orders, ice, coldness, queens, ice-queen, dragons, water dragons, deep waters, deep sea and its creatures, wings.

Revati:

Ultimate freedom, creativity, wisdom, gentleness, compassion, guiding, herding, fun, laughter, mischief, lightnness, ease, finding peace, reaching the end, enjoying what you have, contentment, nurturing, open-mindedness, conclusions, gratefulness, freedom and free will, having choices, diversity, finding the truth, true wealth, parenthood, the guide, guidance, individuation.

Things that remind me of Revati: shepherds, herding, everything easy and light, the tricksters, the fool, jokes, Loki, The Joker, fish, comedy, the movie "A Fish Called Wanda", caring for everyone and everything, light and soft shades of green and blue.

[lifefactz]

You gained so much more!

[fvsm4x]

#MAYBE IN ANOTHER LIFE? [Gojo Satoru] part III

SUMMARY: Your boyfriend, who you loved more than anything, who was your will to live, broke up with you.

— C.W: ex-boyfriend! Gojo satoru x depressed! female reader , geto suguru x reader , dark themes , suggestive , hurt no comfort.

— WORD COUNT: 4.2k+

— A/N: I wonder what happens next..😋

PREV | NEXT | SERIES MASTERLIST

Moved on? No..that can’t be true.

The sight before him felt like a nightmare, a cruel twist of fate that tore at his heart. His ocean blue eyes stared deep into his best friend's darker eyes, searching for any sign that this was all a terrible mistake. But his best friend only glanced back at him, devoid of any emotion, as if their actions held no consequence.

This was a betrayal of the highest order in Gojo's eyes. His best friend, the person he had trusted and confided in, had slept with his ex-girlfriend, the same ex-girlfriend who gojo had left for someone better. The pain was like a knife twisting in his chest, leaving him breathless and shattered.

Gojo wiped away the tears that streamed down his face, his mind swirling with a mixture of anger, sadness, and disbelief. He turned away, unable to bear the sight any longer, feeling a deep sense of loss and abandonment. It was as if his entire world had crumbled before his eyes.

As he walked away, his mind wandered back to the past, to the moments when he and you were still together. He remembered the warmth of your presence, the way you fit perfectly in his arms as you lay in bed together. Your bodies intertwined, your chest rising and falling with every breath, and the gentle rhythm of your heartbeat. It was a moment of pure bliss, a moment he had taken for granted.

His eyes were wide open, gazing at your peaceful face. Your eyes closed, your mouth slightly open, and a small droplet of drool escaping from the corner of your lips. Without hesitation, Gojo gently wiped it away, his touch filled with tenderness and love. He pressed you closer to his chest, wanting to protect you from the world, to shield you from any pain.

But now, those memories only served to intensify the agony he felt. He had promised you the world, vowed to be the person you needed and deserved. Yet, he had failed you, repeatedly breaking your heart with his thoughtless actions. He had kissed other women in front of you, disregarding your feelings and causing you immeasurable pain. And yet, you forgave him every time, always giving him another chance, always saying, "It's okay. I forgive you."

You were an incredible person, too good for him. Most women would have walked away, refusing to tolerate such mistreatment. But you saw the good in him, the potential for growth and change. You believed in him, even when he didn't believe in himself. Your kindness and forgiveness were boundless, and he took advantage of that.

And now, he had left you for someone he deemed "better." He claimed that this new person had a stronger mind, a better physical appearance. But those reasons seemed shallow and insignificant compared to the love and devotion you had given him. He had discarded your heart, your everything, for someone who later betrayed him.

The pain of it all was overwhelming. The tears continued to flow down Gojo's face, his heart heavy with regret and self-loathing.

The weight of his actions bore down on Gojo’s shoulders, a heavy burden that threatened to crush him. The pain he felt now mirrored the pain he had inflicted upon you with his thoughtless words. As he walked out of the room, his steps heavy and slow, he couldn’t help but feel a deep sense of remorse and regret.

The hallway stretched before him, a long and seemingly endless corridor that mirrored the vast expanse of his guilt. Each step he took felt like a painful reminder of the hurt he had caused, the trust he had shattered. As he reached the front door, he paused, his hand trembling as he grasped the doorknob. It was as if he was standing at the precipice of a deep abyss, unsure of what lay beyond.

With one last glance back at the room, his eyes filled with a mixture of longing and sorrow, Gojo closed the door behind him. The sound of it resonated in his ears, a finality that echoed through his soul. The outside world greeted him with a torrential downpour, raindrops falling heavily from the sky, as if the heavens themselves were mourning the loss of something precious.

The rain soaked through his snow-white hair, clinging to his face, mingling with the tears that streamed down his cheeks. The droplets cascaded down his body, drenching his white dress shirt, the fabric becoming slightly translucent under the weight of the water. But Gojo paid no attention to his appearance, his focus consumed by the turmoil within his heart.

As he walked through the streets, the rain continued to pour, washing away the remnants of his pride and arrogance. Each step he took felt like a penance, a physical manifestation of his remorse. He stopped and turned around, his eyes fixated on the apartment where you and his best friend now resided. The desire to apologize, to make amends, burned within him like a flickering flame.

The pain of being left for someone else, the feeling of abandonment, was a sensation he couldn’t bear to imagine you experiencing. He longed for the chance to rebuild a connection, to salvage what was left of the bond he had foolishly shattered. The thought of being friends, of starting anew, provided a glimmer of hope amidst the darkness that engulfed his soul.

Yet, doubts lingered in his mind, fueled by the harsh words his best friend had spoken. Could it be true that you had moved on, that you had forgotten about him? The possibility seemed unfathomable, but he couldn’t deny the consequences of his actions. The pain he had inflicted upon you was immeasurable, and he questioned whether forgiveness was even possible.

The realization of his own wrongdoing hit him with a force he had never experienced before. The magnitude of his actions, the way he had left you for someone else without a second thought, haunted him. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to forgive someone who had treated him in such a callous manner. The guilt gnawed at his conscience, a reminder of the monster he had become.

But despite the darkness that consumed him, Gojo couldn’t bear the thought of losing you completely. He yearned for your presence, your love, even though he knew he didn’t deserve it. The fear of being alone, of facing the consequences of his actions without you by his side, gripped his heart with an iron vice. He was not ready to let you go, to accept that he had destroyed something beautiful.

In his heart, he knew he had been a horrible person, a monster who had taken away everything he had once given you. The stability, the security, the love that he had provided when your life was falling apart had been ripped away, leaving you vulnerable and alone. The realization of his own cruelty left a bitter taste in his mouth, a bitter taste he was determined to change.

But even in the depths of his remorse, Gojo held onto a sliver of hope. He wanted you to stay, to give him a chance to make things right, even though he knew he didn’t deserve it. He was willing to fight for your forgiveness, to prove that he could change, that he could be the person you deserved.

As Gojo continued his solitary walk in the pouring rain, his mind raced with thoughts of the past and the future. The weight of his mistakes pressed heavily upon him, but he couldn’t help but cling to the hope that he could somehow make amends.

The memories of your first meeting flooded his mind, a stark contrast to the present. He had offered you a lifeline when your world was crumbling, providing you with a roof over your head, nourishing meals, and a sense of security. But then, in a moment of weakness, he had torn it all away, leaving you with nothing.

The guilt gnawed at his conscience, reminding him of the pain he had caused. How could he have been so thoughtless, so selfish? The realization of his own actions being mirrored back at him was a harsh reality he couldn’t escape. He knew that he had been a horrible person, capable of inflicting unimaginable pain.

But the desire to do things right burned within him, a flicker of hope that refused to be extinguished. He couldn’t bear the thought of you moving on, forgetting about him, as his best friend had claimed. The doubts lingered, but he clung to the possibility that maybe, just maybe, there was a chance for redemption.

The rain continued to fall relentlessly, the droplets merging with his tears as he walked through the deserted streets. Each step brought him closer to a decision, a determination to rectify his mistakes. He knew it wouldn’t be easy, that rebuilding trust would take time and effort, but he was willing to do whatever it took.

He vowed to find a way to help you regain your independence, to provide you with the means to support yourself once again. It was the least he could do, a small step towards making up for the pain he had caused.

As he walked through the rain-soaked streets, his thoughts consumed by the desire to make amends, Gojo couldn’t help but feel a glimmer of hope. Maybe, just maybe, there was a chance for forgiveness, for a new beginning. He knew he didn’t deserve it, but he was determined to earn it.

Back in the apartment where you and Geto had spent the night together, the scene was serene and peaceful. As you lay there, still deep in slumber, your body nestled against his chest, a sense of tranquility filled the room. Your thumb found its way into your mouth, a comforting habit that you had carried into adulthood, and your eyes remained gently closed.

Geto, unable to resist the urge to admire your serene face, gazed at you with a mixture of tenderness and longing. He delicately brushed away a few strands of hair that had fallen across your face, his touch gentle and affectionate. As he did so, his arm instinctively tightened around you, as if to protect you from any harm that might come your way.

His gaze shifted from your face to your neck, and he couldn’t help but lean in closer, his face nuzzling into the crook of your neck. It was a gesture of intimacy, a way for him to feel even closer to you in that moment. As he did, your hands found their way into his hair, fingers tangling in the dark strands, cradling them with a tenderness that only deepened his affection for you. Your fingers gently massaged his scalp, creating a soothing sensation that brought a slight smile to his lips.

But that smile quickly faded when he heard you utter a name in your sleep.

„S’toru..“

It was his best friend's name, a name that held a power over your heart that he could never compete with.

The weight of that realization crashed down upon him like a tidal wave, drowning him in a sea of self-doubt and heartache. How could he have been so naive to think that he could ever replace the one who had captured your soul?

A bitter taste filled his mouth as his grip on you tightening. The pain of knowing that your heart would forever belong to another pierced his soul, leaving a deep, irreparable wound. He couldn't help but question his own worth, wondering if he would ever be enough for you.

The thought of you, still yearning for his best friend, tore at his heartstrings, leaving him feeling hollow and broken.

In that tender moment, as Geto’s ears caught the gentle melody of your soft breaths and he felt the comforting weight of your slumbering body nestled against his chest, a wave of bittersweet emotions washed over him. It was in this very moment that he couldn’t help but question whether he would ever summon the courage to release his grip on you, to let you soar freely into the vast expanse of the world. For he understood that true love meant granting you the freedom to pursue your own dreams, even if it meant relinquishing his own happiness in the process.

A deep sigh escaped his lips, as if carrying the weight of his internal struggle, and he slowly closed his eyes, savoring the precious connection between your beings. In this fleeting moment, he knew that he had to cherish every second, for it might be the last time he would experience such profound intimacy.

-

As you slowly opened your eyes, the sight of an empty bedspread greeted you. Gradually propping yourself up on your elbows, you pushed yourself up from the bed, feeling a sense of disorientation. You looked around, attempting to restore clarity to your vision by rubbing your eyes gently.

After finishing the brief moment of eye-rubbing, you opened your eyes again and surveyed the room. It was devoid of any presence, with the curtains drawn wide, allowing the warm sunlight to filter in. Your gaze shifted to the end of the bed, where a small pile of clothes caught your attention. Carefully removing the blanket, you prepared to rise to your feet, only to find your legs betraying you. The lower half of your body ached from the events of the previous night.

Wincing at the pain, you instinctively held onto your stomach, where the most intense discomfort resided. Determined to ignore the discomfort, you summoned the strength to stand up, taking hold of the pile of clothes and proceeding to get dressed.

The aroma of freshly cooked pancakes filled the air, instantly making your mouth water. The tantalizing scent seemed to beckon you towards the kitchen, where you found Geto standing by the stove, his skilled hands expertly flipping golden brown pancakes.

As he heard your footsteps, Geto turned around, a warm smile spreading across his face. He greeted you with a soft “Good morning,”

You returned his greeting, taking a seat at the kitchen island. The smooth surface felt cool against your fingertips as you watched Geto meticulously arrange the pancakes on a plate. The sight of the fluffy stacks, topped with a generous drizzle of maple syrup, was enough to make your stomach growl in anticipation.

As Geto carefully placed the plate of pancakes in front of you, you couldn’t help but admire his attention to detail. Each pancake was perfectly cooked, with a delicate golden crust and a fluffy interior. The aroma of the warm maple syrup mingled with the buttery scent of the pancakes, creating a symphony of flavors that danced in the air.

You picked up your fork and knife, ready to dive into the delectable feast before you. The anticipation grew with each bite, as the soft texture of the pancakes melted in your mouth, leaving behind a sweet and satisfying taste.

You glanced up from your plate, catching Geto’s gaze fixed upon you. His expression was vacant, devoid of any emotion. It was as if a wall had been erected between you, separating the intimacy you had shared just hours ago.

„How are your legs?“ he asked, while you flushed red as you remembered last night‘s events.

Placing your fork down on the plate, you shifted uncomfortably in your seat, avoiding Geto’s penetrating stare. The soreness in your legs served as a physical reminder of the intensity of your encounter. “I- uhm… They’re sore,” you muttered, your voice barely audible.

Geto’s face contorted with guilt, his voice barely a whisper as he apologized. “Sorry,” he uttered, his voice filled with regret.

You tried to reassure him, your voice tinged with a mix of understanding and self-blame. “Ah- It’s okay, don’t worry. It was also kinda my fault,” you replied, the words escaping your lips almost involuntarily.

You reached for another pancake, attempting to distract yourself from the discomfort of the conversation, stuffing it into your mouth to fill the awkward silence.

But Geto’s next words pierced through the air, shattering the fragile peace that had momentarily settled between you. “Listen… I don’t want to make things awkward between us, but I think it’s best if we just forget about what happened last night,” he spoke, his gaze averted, avoiding the intensity of your gaze.

Your eyes widened at his words, a mixture of shock and hurt flooding your being. It felt as if the ground beneath you had shifted, leaving you unsteady and uncertain. The vulnerability and connection you had shared now seemed to be discarded, deemed insignificant and disposable. Your lips trembled slightly as you struggled to process his request.

Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath, attempting to steady yourself amidst the storm of emotions raging within you. The word “okay” slipped from your lips, barely audible.

But as you uttered that single word, a whirlwind of thoughts and questions consumed your mind. Did you do something wrong? Was your presence a burden to him? Did he regret sleeping with you?

Your gaze shifted towards Geto, who still avoided your eyes, his own turmoil evident in his body language. The pain of his words reverberated within you, leaving you feeling exposed and vulnerable. In that moment, you couldn’t help but wonder if you were nothing more than a temporary distraction, a regrettable mistake in his eyes.

—

Days had passed since that fateful night when you and Geto had shared a passionate encounter. In the aftermath, you found yourself retreating to the confines of your room, seeking solace in the familiar walls that surrounded you. Occasionally, you ventured out to the grocery store, trying to distract yourself from the whirlwind of emotions that consumed your thoughts.

But amidst the mundane routine of your days, you began to notice small gifts appearing by your door. They were simple tokens, accompanied by a note that simply read, “I’m sorry.” The identity of the sender remained a mystery, leaving you perplexed and intrigued. You couldn’t help but wonder who was behind these gestures of remorse and what they were apologizing for.

Curiosity got the better of you, and you decided to confront Geto about the mysterious gifts. His reaction was puzzling, as he glanced at the note with furrowed eyebrows before simply stating, “I don’t know.”

As the days turned into weeks, you couldn’t help but notice a shift in your relationship with Geto. The once easy camaraderie and shared activities seemed to fade away. Eating meals together, watching TV, playing board games - all those moments of connection became a distant memory. Every time you suggested doing something together, Geto would find an excuse to avoid spending time with you. The distance between you grew, leaving you feeling isolated and confused.

You had convinced yourself that sleeping with Geto would help you move on from your lingering feelings for Gojo. You had hoped that by giving yourself to Geto, you could erase the memories and emotions that tied you to Gojo. But it didn't work. The feelings remained, stubbornly clinging to your heart, making you question the choices you had made.

Guilt washed over you, a heavy weight that settled deep within your being. You realized that you had used Geto as a means to an end, using him to distract yourself from someone else. The realization left you feeling remorseful and remorseful. Why hadn’t Geto spoken up before? Why hadn’t he expressed his reluctance to engage in such intimacy?

As you stepped out of your room and made your way towards the kitchen, the anticipation of cooking a delicious meal filled your thoughts. However, as you entered the kitchen, you were met with a surprising sight. A woman, unknown to you, stood by the stove, engrossed in her cooking. Her back was turned towards you, hiding her face from view. Yet, even from this angle, you couldn’t help but notice her captivating presence. Her long brown hair swayed with each movement, accentuating her graceful hips as she hummed a melodic tune. It was clear that she possessed a beauty that was hard to ignore.

Summoning your courage, you approached the woman and stood behind her. Your shyness threatened to overwhelm you, but you managed to find your voice. “Uhm, excuse me… but who are you?” you asked, nervously twisting your hands in front of you, attempting to conceal your timidity.

Upon hearing your question, the woman turned around, her gaze meeting yours. In that instant, your confidence evaporated, replaced by a mix of awe and unease. Her eyes, a mesmerizing shade of light blue that bordered on gray, locked onto your own. Her flawless skin and overall radiance only added to her undeniable beauty.

A warm smile spread across her face as she responded, “You must be Suguru’s roommate, if I’m right?” Setting down the spatula she had been using, she extended her hand towards you. “Nice to meet you! I’m his girlfriend, Hime!”

Your eyes widened, and your mouth fell slightly agape. It felt as if the world around you had come crashing down. The once inviting warmth of the kitchen seemed to dissipate, leaving you in a cold and desolate space. Hime’s revelation echoed in your mind, and a sinking feeling settled in your chest. You managed to muster a strained smile and a barely audible acknowledgment, but inside, a tempest of emotions raged.

The reality of Suguru having a girlfriend hit you like a cruel blow, shattering the hopeful anticipation that had filled your heart. Deep down, you knew that you still harbored feelings for your ex, Gojo. Yet, despite this knowledge, an overwhelming sense of jealousy consumed you. You couldn’t help but envy the happiness that radiated from Hime.

Why couldn’t you be happy? Why did Gojo have to find someone else and seemingly snatch away all the joy that was once yours? The pain in your heart was unbearable, throbbing with an intensity that seemed to overshadow everything else.

A torrent of thoughts and doubts flooded your mind. Perhaps you weren’t deserving of happiness, destined to be denied the same contentment that others seemed to effortlessly possess. You fought to conceal the sadness brewing within you, nodding politely as Hime continued to speak. However, each word she uttered carved deeper into your conflicted feelings. The once cozy kitchen, a space that had been filled with shared moments, now felt like a lonely battlefield where emotions clashed and waged war.

“Oh, there you are… it seems like you already met her,” a voice from behind you chimed in, interrupting your thoughts. Startled, you turned around, locking eyes with Geto, his darker gaze meeting your own. A wave of conflicting emotions washed over you as you processed his presence.

The realization dawned on you that perhaps Geto had asked you to forget about that fateful night because he already had a girlfriend. Maybe he regretted what had happened, considering it a mistake. Your eyes dropped slightly, a pang of hurt piercing your heart at the sight of him with someone else. Part of you wished you could be Hime, but another part resented the idea. It was a tumultuous mix of emotions that left you feeling lost and uncertain.

However, you knew deep down that you had no right to be jealous. Geto was an amazing and caring man who deserved all the happiness in the world. You should be happy for him, even if you couldn’t help but feel a tinge of sadness. You mustered a smile, determined not to let your true feelings show. After all, you had no right to claim any ownership over his heart.

Looking down, you muttered a small, “Yeah…” in response to Geto’s comment. Hime rushed over to him, jumping into his arms as he caught her. They shared affectionate kisses. It was a sight that stabbed at your heart, a reminder of the happiness you longed for but seemed forever out of reach.

Why couldn’t you experience that kind of happiness? It wasn’t as if your ex, Gojo, hadn’t showered you with attention. The problem was that you weren’t the only one receiving that kind of affection from him. He had cheated on you multiple times, and yet, you forgave him time and time again, despite the pain it caused you.

But you couldn’t let him go because your love for him was so strong, so all-consuming. You held onto the belief that he would eventually change, that he would realize the error of his ways. But that moment never came. Instead, he left you before any change could occur, leaving you broken and questioning your worth.

“I’m going out…” you spoke.Turning around, you made your way towards the door that led to the outside world, craving the solace of fresh air.

Geto turned to look after you, his eyes filled with concern and confusion. “But it’s already late. You shouldn’t go out now,” he spoke, releasing Hime from his embrace and following your retreating figure.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. I just need some fresh air,” you replied, slipping on your shoes and jacket, preparing to face the world outside.

“But… fine. Just be careful, and call if something’s the matter,” Geto said, his hand nervously resting behind his neck as he watched you intently.

“Okay,”

PREV | NEXT | SERIES MASTERLIST

TAGLIST [full]

@3zae-zae3 @sexeyess @silkija @dancinhhillary @musicarose @vanevafu @labelt-san @cl16void @feellaaya @animechick555 @nanmiik @ichikanu @cupidszvlvr @pinksaiyans @phoenix666stuff @coffeeluvr96 @alpha-mommy69 @isaacdaholi @xx-rfg-xx @3sodoney @ambalikadubeyy-blog @certainduckanchor @r0ckst4rjk @xxemmarldxx @starrylibras @lady-cryptstone @sparklydhokla @hoeforchoso @sweetlilhoshi @getou0309 @n8mareee @integers @colouringfrogssittinginleaves @skittleabyss @softnorth @maliakealoha @avalordream @dazaisfavgf @thebacksack @darkphoenix3432 @mwtsxri @nothisispatrick300 @andioopsworld @sup-hoes-its-me @yihona-san06 @s3r-en-d1p-ity @mandysfanfics @adanfore @rainydayssmokescreens @luvvmae @aquamarine001 @chilichopsticks @tinyjeo @adoretaylor @girlsvvish @misfits1a

A/N: I guess nothing bad happened yet😋

[coldnutparadise]

narcissistic codependency is so... pervasive. a black hole, nothingness and incomplete, where there are no boundaries; some terrible parasitic wraith that seeks to claim you, become you, and erase you. it’s a fog that dissolves the victim and their individualistic integrity, so that they, too, become part of that seething, hulking nothing. but because it is sheer nothingness, it will keep seeking out more victims, clawing and vying, hoping to scratch off anything of yours to claim as its own.

[brekker-by-brekkerr]

There's no way you can convince me the writing for Eloise in part 2 of season 3 was good.

We're expected to believe that Eloise Bridgerton, who gets so upset about injustices to women, who cares deeply for her friends, would hear about Cressida's issues and be like "hmm yeah sucks to suck."

And people can't say it's because Eloise is only concerned with herself because we've seen her get so upset about the plight of other people, we've seen her going and engaging with conversations outside her circle, we've seen her empathizing with Theo and his circumstances, we've seen her trying to hunt down LW to help Pen back before she knew the truth.

JUST THIS SEASON we saw Eloise go to Cressida's house to check on her because she noticed that she was acting off. So you can't even tell me Eloise doesn't care about her. I feel like the writers are trying to gaslight the viewers in part 2 to thinking Eloise didn't ever care that much about Cressida when WE LITERALLY SAW THAT SHE DID. Cressida even says Eloise was a great friend to her.

Yeah, I understand that Eloise has a lot going on right now, and so to some extent, I could see her not being as present for Cressida as she needs. That happens. But the level to which they made Eloise act like she doesn't care is so insane and is clearly just to prop Pen up.

Eloise heard Cressida tell her about her circumstances so she should understand why she's doing what she's doing.

It just felt like such an insane 180 for Eloise to turn around and suddenly be like "Cressida is a viper" and "our friendship was falling apart anyway" and "I should never have trusted her," when the last thing we saw before part 2 was them BEING GOOD FRIENDS!! And when Cressida hadn't done anything bad, she just claimed to be LW RIGHT AFTER she had explained to Eloise how messed up her circumstances were and that she needed help getting out of them.

I get that the show was going to put Eloise and Pen back together because they have such a clear bias towards her character, but did they have to decimate Creloise in the process? Is Eloise not allowed to have multiple friendships?

Like, Pen can do all these terrible things and cry and be like "sorry about that" and it's fine El and her can be besties everyone will love her and forgive her. But Cressida was sometimes mean (and the show goes to lengths to show us how she became that way, even explicitly spelling it out with her mother's comments about how she raised her to believe in "every woman for herself" AND shows Cressida acknowledging her mistakes and showing true change and growth) and lies about being LW and she's dragged through the dirt, she's "the absolute worst," every single character says awful things about her while we see snippets of her in this dark awful house with her life falling apart and this is supposed to be something we root for?? Literally why. Why even make Cressida sympathetic if this is what you're going to do with her.

It feels so out of pocket for Eloise to be saying Cressida is soo horrible and etc. etc. when we SAW their friendship before. We saw Cressida taking in what Eloise was saying and making changes, we saw Cressida challenging Eloise's beliefs and making Eloise self-reflect. Eloise got a peek into how awful Cressida's home life was and into the kind of good person Cressida could be and that's just suddenly thrown out the window with such little support to back it up.

Even if Creloise just HAD to stop being friends, weren't there better ways of going about it? Couldn't they at least have waited till after the fake LW paper came out bashing the Bridgertons for Eloise to break off the friendship? Yes, that was Cressida's mom writing that, but Eloise wouldn't know that and that would more logically line up with Eloise's random coldness towards her.

Still, why exactly do they have to stop being friends? Why can't Eloise have different kinds of friendships, especially one like hers with Cressida that challenged her, one where they mutually helped each other become better people? I love that Eloise is going to go off on this adventure to Scotland and meet other people but could she not also have retained her friendship with Cressida??

I would have loved to see the Eloise I know and love in part 2 teaming up with Cressida to help her, scheming together, doing everything in her power to help her bestie because that's who she is. That's what we should have seen. Maybe it would take her a second to get there, since she was already wrapped up in the drama with her brother and Pen, but she wouldn't just completely brush off her friend. She would do something.

And I could go on about how messed up it was for the writers to make it pretty clear how bad things have become for Cressida and then make her face the most consequences ever, while Pen gets to ride off into the sunset all happily ever after despite doing things 1000x worse than anything Cressida ever did. I'm actually disgusted.