#i believe being a good person is being aware of your difficult parts

[pomefioredove]

Can we have kalim's ending for the yuu auction as well? I was pretty excited for his outcome

of course of course!

parts 1 | 2 | 3 | kalim | bad ending

summary: a kalim ending type of post: short fic characters: kalim additional info: yuu is gender neutral, this is maybe a little short, hi kalim :)

"Problems don't just go away when you throw money at them, you know," Vil says. The tone of his voice is sour, and he's making no effort to hide it. "You'll have to actually take some responsibility."

Leona rolls his eyes. "Oh, shut it. They're not a pet, they can handle themselves. You're just butthurt it wasn't you,"

"And yet, here you are, still moping just the same," he snaps back. "Kalim, congratulations. I'm sure the prefect will- where'd he go?"

Despite their best efforts, Kalim hadn't heard a single word of the other housewarden's well wishes (and warnings).

He was gone before they'd even started, in fact.

Even with all he'd had prepared beforehand- the new room, the uniforms, all of your favorite foods- there was suddenly a list a mile long on his mind.

First, he had to get you.

Then, he had to show you around your new place.

Then, dinner.

Followed by dessert, of course.

(Maybe a light appetizer to start? Why hadn't he thought of that already?!)

And then he'd treat you to an evening of your favorite songs, laughter, and fun.

So on, and so forth.

Kalim may be a little oblivious at times, but your poor condition at Ramshackle is no secret to anyone. He'd been talked out of helping more than once before- and, so, this was his chance.

The gravity of technically owning a person who doesn't legally exist in this world hasn't crossed his mind even once. The way he sees it, he gets to host you indefinitely, take you on vacations with his family, treat you to the life you deserve after all you've done for everyone, and no one can tell him no.

Though, something still sits in the back of his mind, something that asks him to walk before running. A voice of reason.

If Kalim had a shoulder angel and devil, both of them would somehow be Jamil:

"I would advise taking it easy on them as they adjust. This whole spectacle must have been difficult for them. You're a good listener when you try. Now's a chance to show that,"

More than anything, Kalim wants to impress you.

Such a thought would make anyone else scoff- the gold and jewels and magic carpets aren't enough?

And his answer would be... well... no.

Kalim possesses many things. He has entire houses full of treasure, trinkets, fine silks, servants at his every whim... and yet, he's still missing something crucial. Something he's become more and more aware of since coming to NRC.

A bond.

Of course, he loves his siblings. And his parents. And the students in Scarabia. And the students in the other dorms. He might consider all of the above friends, but not at the emotional level he seeks. Jamil is a work in progress. But you- you're already well-acquainted, and friendly. You're a gracious guest, a great listener, and... well, you had the kind of bond he looks for with so many other people on campus.

Why else would everyone be lining up to pay to be your friend otherwise?

(That's how he saw it, anyway).

So, he listens. Makes an effort to, anyway. He even stops feeding Grim at dinner when you ask him to.

"Oops!" he says, offering the direbeast a gold-lined handkerchief to wipe around his mouth. "But it's good, right? Jamil's family recipe is always delicious!"

You quirk a smile at him. "I liked it. Grim?"

Grim mumbles something indistinct and crawls to sit on the other side of you.

"I'm glad! I remember you telling me that you miss it from your home- I can't believe some of our recipes are so similar!" he beams. "Maybe Scarabia will start feeling like a home to you, too, then!"

You laugh, a little awkwardly. "Aha... maybe. This is all just so sudden,"

"But... good, right?"

"Yes, good," you smile, tilting your head to the side. "It's a step up from being Crowley's errand-runner and sleeping in the cold, at least."

"Well, you'll certainly never be cold here!"

He laughs again, and a murmur of agreement ripples through the students in attendance, all the way down to the end of the long table.

"Ah... Kalim, this is nice. Really nice... I don't know how I'm going to repay you for any of this,"

"Pay? Like with money?" he raises an eyebrow. "You're my guest, and an honorary member of Scarabia now, so you don't have to do anything but relax."

That's not exactly what you meant, though you don't have the heart to explain what exactly Crowley's care had been like.

"...Right. But really, if you need anything done- I'll be glad to do it,"

He's quiet for a moment, thinking. "Well... if you're really bored, I'm sure you could find something to do. We have lots of board games,"

"No, I meant like, work,"

Kalim blinks. "Why would you have to work?"

You should've just let it go. Now this is getting embarrassing, admitting all that Crowley had you do when you had no say in the matter.

"You know... to earn my keep,"

"Earn your..." he squints. "You don't have to earn anything. Having you here is reward enough for me!"

Sometimes his oblivious nature can be a little comforting.

And even though it's dark, his positivity is as radiant as the sun... you can't help but return his smile.

"Alright, then,"

"Alright! Now..." he says, looking around the table. "Who's ready for dessert?"

[copperbadge]

TBH it was surprising when you mentioned you have difficulty knowing how others feel about you. You strike me as an incredibly likeable guy with an interesting life and viewpoint, and it seems your readers feel the same :) . If I lived anywhere near I'd love to hang out (or at least exchange cat pictures), but alas. Anyway, I hope you're having a good day and please give the kits a kiss for me!

Ah, thank you! That's a lovely thing to say :)

That's the curse of rejection-sensitive dysphoria though -- you're just never goddamn sure. Your brain wants to read everything other people say and do in a negative light, but you also know that's not correct. So it's one more axis along which you can't trust yourself.

Being unable to trust yourself is actually a really big part of ADHD. Specialists talk a lot about how people with ADHD can't trust their memory, they can't trust knowledge they've worked to acquire will be there when it's needed, they can't trust their reactions in a crisis, they can't trust their perceptions of others. I know, intellectually, that the people in my life don't remember 99% of the dumb shit I pull, but I remember it all in visceral emotional detail, which makes it difficult to believe in my soul that they don't. Do I remember the dumb shit they pull? No. Does that matter? Not to my stupid dinged-up corpus striatum, which is where the ADHD lives.

Even before my diagnosis I was dimly aware of this issue and so I did a lot of work on myself to make sure that I took a healthy attitude towards this, that I didn't try to manipulate people into reassuring me or lash out if I thought they secretly hated me. I remind myself not everyone will like me and that's okay, I remind myself that people who don't want to spend time with you don't proactively seek out your company.

But what that means is that while I for the most part don't suspect people of baselessly hating me, or at least don't act on suspicion when I do, I also just kinda...never know what anyone thinks. All I can really do is continue to assume the positive, and if that starts to fail, communicate openly about it. Which as coping mechanisms go is pretty healthy, like short of a drastic personality rewiring I'm not sure how I could handle it better, but the struggle is pretty real.

All of which is to say that I do appreciate the ask -- and all evidence in this post to the contrary I am having a pretty great day. It's Friday, the house is clean, I got paid today and I'm going on vacation starting Sunday. And I did just spend half an hour cuddling the kitties. :D

[beachf4gz]

I recently was able to restart my adhd meds after a few months of them being out of stock so I have been reading wayyy more DE fanfic again, and something I find kind of interesting is how prominant certain in-game choices are in regards to Harry's fanon characterisation. I understand why the communist route and sorry-cop copotype are by far the most common ways ppl write Harry- I think most people playing the game end up identifying with those dialogue options and therefor end up following those routes (and its a fairly big time commitment to replay with the intention of seeing all the different route you could take)- but I do sometimes really wish there was more writing for the different copotypes and political orientations because the ways Harry's internal processes and position in the world are affected are REALLY interesting to me. I completely understand being uncomfortable (or just uninterested) by the idea of exploring an ultraliberal, moralist or facist character- I think fanfiction as a medium is compelling in part because you are conveying your own relationship to a piece of work, including your own moral reactions and beliefs applied upon the work's characters- but I think DE includes the option to *play as* a character occupying these roles (rather than just presenting them through npcs) in order to invite players to experience and examine the act of being these things both internally and within social contexts.

I think Harry can be fascinating and heartbreaking as a character study in any of these routes, and the gameplay can feel radically different between them even following the same plot. For example, I found the moralist route deeply evocative. It has an uneasy, desperate feeling to it as someone struggles to occupy the in-group, to live in normalcy and civility in the face of their own world ending. It creates an odd position for Harry as accutely disabled and vulnerable- contrasting percieved social acceptance and safety with the tearing of reality "as it should be" at the failure of the social mechanisms he believes in to meet their promise of happiness or safety. The gameover at the statue left me genuinely stunned when I first got it, its sort of horrifying in it's bluntness, and I found it really upsetting in this specific raw way. Its an excellent way of demonstrating, emotionally, the failure and cruelty of liberalism upon those who believe in it- but also its devastating for Harry's character as he is presented through the moralist dialogue. I also found it rlly compelling how the honor cop dialogue options explore Harry as a person seeking dignity in the face of their social ostracisation, and how apocalypse-cop explores the social modes of someone who has fallen out of the "normal reality space", how impaired his ability to live is in response to a full awareness of overwhelming, total threat. I'm not good at writing essays and stuff, idk if I'm explaining this well, but all of the routes are written with such an intimate and personal examination of how it *feels* to occupy different modes of being- of the way the world will treat you if you interact with it in certains ways, or the person you will be and the emotional shape your life will form depending on your framework. I think its kind of abstract and difficult to write properly, but I think its something you can reaaaallly sink yourself into if you find Harry a compelling character- I personally do (lmao) and its something I love seeing whenever I get the chance. I get the appeal of Harry as an exccentric mentally ill communist whose political beliefs are, in social contexts, extentions of his rejection of social norms and position as othered under liberal belief- I do also just enjoy the fact that this version of Harry is only one mode of being he could occupy, and the varying ways in which he is socially, emotionally or cognitively enabled/disabled by other modes of being, and the position the game takes in exploring them all as choices or as routes and reactions by the same person- as someone afloat and disempowered in the world attempting to find "how to live".

[elspeth-tirel]

New Phyrexia As A Cult

Content Warnings: Heavy discussion of cults and cult recruitment, mentions of sexual coercion, abuse, gore in images (New Phyrexian art so if you’re good with that should be all clear)

I’ve seen many people talking about New Phyrexia with the release of Phyrexia: All Will Be One and March of the Machine. And I’ve seen people talk about the misconceptions of New Phyrexia, like assuming it’s a hivemind. Which leads me into the key point I wanted to discuss with this. New Phyrexia isn’t a hivemind, but there’s a reason it’s assumed to be one by most casual fans. I believe it’s most accurately conveyed as a cult, and that analysing and interpreting the specific ways it is like one has a lot of merit for how it is viewed. I’m also aware that most of what I’m saying isn’t new. Am I the first person to say New Phyrexia is a cult? No. But most of the time, I’ve seen people simply use it as a pejorative term to add on to the list of problematic buzzwords to attach when criticising New Phyrexia or the Praetors. And regardless of whether I agree with those people, I do feel it warrants much deeper exploration into why New Phyrexia is a cult.

I know this post likely will stir up a lot of people saying some not positive things about me and it but I felt it needed to be said. To those people who have a knee jerk reaction towards this and are going to immediately want to send me something criticising this, I don’t anticipate you’ll read all of this. But at the end of the document I did include a list of questions I anticipate a few readers will ask, and I would simply like to politely ask that you read that segment before sending anything to me or replying to this post.

To start talking about cults and the nature of New Phyrexia as one, it’s first necessary to answer a few important background questions. Many people are going to ask if I have personal experience with a cult. To that, yes I have, I was raised in one from birth until around age 17. I would not like to discuss this further, I am simply including this so people know when I speak here I know what I am talking about. Another important thing is the definition of a cult. What differentiates a cult from any other religion? Many people disagree on the exact definition, and every now and again you’ll get someone claiming that all religions are cults. But simplifying it that much loses track of the real harm cults do to a person. I feel a key aspect for what a cult is is Dr. Steve Hassan’s BITE model. BITE stands for Behaviour control, Information control, Thought control, and Emotion control. The key difference between a religion and a cult is one of control. Cults invade every sense of your being, they seek to make it so you don’t have a life outside the cult and what is necessary to maintain it. This is why it’s so difficult for people to leave them. There’s a sense of fear of the unknown. That if you leave there’ll be nothing out there for you. Who knows, maybe they made you do terrible things you can never undo, how will the people who weren’t there forgive you? You can accept the bad parts, because the good parts are there and there’s this giant fear of what will happen if you face the unknown, if you leave. Which brings me to my first major discussion point: Ixhel.

For the unaware, Ixhel is the protagonist of the Phyrexia: All Will Be One side story A Hollow Body, by Aysha U. Farah. It’s a fantastic read, I would highly recommend anyone who finds this essay at all interesting read it. For a brief summary, Ixhel was created by Atraxa- who was herself formerly a Mirrordin angel before every Praetor save Urabrask compleated her- to be used as a soldier/assassin. She feels devoted to Atraxa, but tries to suppress her other feelings- the feeling of love, of want of affection and approval. Throughout the story, she faces challenges to this suppression: a phyrexian named Belaxis who aids her in her mission, the Thane of Contracts himself, Geth, who challenges her on her devotion even as she kills him, and Atraxa herself in the end. She successfully completes her mission to slay Geth, but his words bother her. About her being a faceless drone, replaceable. So she takes Belaxis and Geth, and uses the Dominus of the Dross Pits to combine them into one being, now named Vishgraz. 

Atraxa is furious at the idea of their creation. But it’s not necessarily their creation itself that she really has an issue with. It’s that the creation was made without being ordered to. Vishgraz represents a threat to her not in their existence but in showing that Ixhel took an action other than what was ordered, even if she did it in hopes of imitating her superior in the cult. Because if she can take one action away from orders, she can take more. And that is a threat to her loyalty, which must be punished to ensure she stays in line, to ensure she stays another faceless drone. And Ixhel does take another action aside from orders, an even more direct disobedience: she spares Vishgraz’s life when ordered to kill them. 

Ixhel represents someone born into a cult. She only ever did what was ordered, because it was all she knew. But cults are not a natural state of mind, they’re a method of control that can be broken free from. And this shows with Ixhel. She obeyed mindlessly, until she was given another option, an idea of what could help her, what could make her fix those feelings she had been taught to ignore and repress. This is a common experience, it’s certainly one I went through. It’s not the only experience with cults though. Because another thing to mention is recruitment, and Phyrexia: All Will Be One provides a great example of this too.

Another aspect of the storyline for this set was the idea of compleated planeswalkers. This is a new thing for Magic, with the idea introduced in Kamigawa: Neon Dynasty, with Tamiyo. However this was most fully analysed during Phyrexia: All Will Be One’s main story, by Seanan McGuire (who also did a fantastic job with that story, I would highly recommend that one as well). But something I recently came to the realisation of, that I have not seen discussed, is the common factor between every single compleated planeswalker: they’re all the exact types of people who are most vulnerable to recruitment by cults.

If you’re reading this and thinking “most vulnerable” I want you to keep in mind I mean exactly that. Anyone is vulnerable to recruitment by a cult, especially if you think you’re too smart to be recruited. And that’s where our first victim I’ll discuss comes in, Jace Beleren. Jace is a man who prides himself on his intelligence, on his skill with his mind. But in the story, he falls prey to New Phyrexia because he underestimates them, and overestimates his own skills. The love of his life, Vraska, has clearly fallen to compleation. But he thinks he can be smarter; he can use his illusion and mind magic to give her one last day, one last day together with him, where they can pretend like she hasn’t been infected. And that is what makes him be taken in by the cult.

Jace fell for it because he wanted to be clever and thought he was too smart, but also out of love and devotion to someone else who fell. I believe even if he knew what would happen he would do it again out of devotion. And who knows, the story so far seems to imply he had a plan, that he knew what he was doing. Maybe I’ll be proven wrong and he’ll turn out on top of this situation. But even so, he still lost to New Phyrexia due to this.

Next off is Vraska, another key type to fall for cults. Vraska throughout her entire life has been abused by society, a victim of racism and police brutality. All of those are horrific acts done against her. And cults reach out to those people, they tell them they have the answer, that if they simply follow them they will find the ability to help other downtrodden like themselves, or find a sense of community with others who will not judge them, so long as they follow the rules. Lukka is also very similar to this, but slightly different. Lukka is an outcast, rejected by his entire society, like a very extreme example of ostracisation and bullying. Humans are naturally social creatures, and this can easily be turned against us with a want for acceptance leading us to take abuse we should not tolerate. New Phyrexia also promises him strength, the strength with which he can avoid being hurt again, which he can use to carve a new place in this world and hurt everyone who hurt him, but much much worse. 

Nahiri also falls under a similar umbrella with Lukka, but slightly less self motivated. Nahiri has a burning desire for revenge, for power against the figure in her life who let her down, Sorin Markov. But also, she believes in her heart of hearts that she is a protector, that everything she’s doing is to protect her homeland and her people, the Kor. And what leads her to being compleated is this sense of protection. She sacrifices her own health and her chance at a cure because she wants to ensure the success of the mission of stopping New Phyrexia. And her self sacrifice to do this may have helped the mission succeed, but it doomed her to fall.

Nissa is very similar to her here actually, as she also fell due to helping someone. She trusted Lukka, and tried to help him to the end, and this led her right into New Phyrexia’s trap. Others who fell this way too include Ajani and Tamiyo. They all trusted someone or sought to protect someone, and that trust was used against them. This shows the type of people who fall for cults because they are selfless. Those who fall because they don’t see a value in their own worth as an individual, but do see it as a collective. This is one of the major flaws of white mana: it’s bad at putting yourself first. It’s so easy to simply fall in line with a cult when you’re used to falling in line and obeying to help the greater good, because with the right words it’s easy to convince anyone that anything is the greater good. It feels safe to take some sacrifice, because after all, we’re taught to admire martyrs. We’re taught to emulate, and share. And those are good instincts don’t get me wrong, one of the most beautiful things about humanity is our capacity for love for our fellow man, the ability for strangers to care for strangers so readily just because they need help. But cults take advantage of that, and New Phyrexia is no different. 

This is also touched on in the story Cinders, by Cassandra Khaw. This story is unique because it showcases an aspect of New Phyrexia we haven’t touched on here, the Quiet Furnace. While most aspects of New Phyrexia are definitely considered bad, the Quiet Furnace is the one I’ve seen the most arguments for about it being ethical and good. And while it has the most potential for good with this freedom, it also shows more of how cults prey on the most vulnerable. In the story, a Mirran woman, Reyana, is tempted towards compleation by Slobad. Reyana lost everything. She’s fighting a war she never asked to fight, constantly on the run, constantly in fear for her life. And they show her her mother. At peace with the cult, happy, caring. A lot of people join cults simply to follow loved ones. And this is the exact way Reyana joined. A key thing to showcase that this was not genuine freedom, that despite this promise of peace this was a corruption of herself, is the consequences after. Does Slobad and his group allow the Mirrans to freely mingle with the compleat, to simply talk among them knowing they chose differently? No. While he claims this is a free choice, he also artificially holds back interaction between the cultists and their Mirran family, all interaction unless it is for the purpose of recruitment. This shows the real reason for all of this. It’s a show, a show that things can be good, a promise that life will be better if you join and obey, because those you care about made that choice too. If they really believed in this freedom of choice, the Quiet Furnace would not shun contact with Mirrans, simply tolerating their presence without compleating them, it would embrace contact with them, embrace the diversity of perspective those who did not choose the same as the compleat bring to the table. There are good people among the phyrexians, people who believe what they are doing is right and towards peace, towards helping everyone come to a common understanding. Most criticisms of New Phyrexia I’ve seen make the mistake of calling them all monsters, not thinking for a moment that they aren’t monsters, but people, people who made a bad choice for good reasons. But those people don’t realise that they themselves are a victim, a lure in a trap to make others take a choice they never would’ve made otherwise, with the threat of losing contact with their loved ones if they don’t make that leap.

Another point to consider is what cults offer you, and what New Phyrexia offers you. People join cults because they promise something they lack. Most often that is a sense of community, of welcoming, of becoming, and of love. The price to pay is simply your individuality. When you think about New Phyrexia, that fits perfectly in theme. The oil takes away your worries, it makes you unconcerned with what troubled you prior to your compleation. It doesn’t feel like something wrong, something infecting you, it feels like…. completion. Like something you’ve always been missing has been found. And that’s alluring. That’s genuinely a tempting proposition. Think to yourself, what price would you be willing to pay to not have to think for yourself anymore, to be able to feel safe and just live day to day. That’s the promise of cults. And that’s the promise of New Phyrexia. But it’s not a healthy promise. Following charismatic leaders blindly simply leads to suffering, whether it’s for you or those outside the cult, or others inside of it. This is even shown in the text, in the story for March of the Machine by K. Arsenault Rivera. 

When Elspeth faces off against Elesh Norn, she has been changed. She gave up her life in a moment of turmoil, sacrificed her being to save the multiverse. And she was ascended because of it, having her sense of self altered and her physical form transmuted, when her only choice otherwise was death. Sound familiar? So when Elspeth threatens Norn's rule of power, what does Norn promise her? Friends among the phyrexians, lovers among them. She points out their similarities, how Elspeth is transformed as well, simply in a way deemed prettier by society, how her form is irrevocably altered, how she has a creed she is following just as much as Norn. And Elspeth does think of this offer, she does look around and think of how happy everyone looks, how content they seem to be to be cogs in a great machine forged with glorious purpose. But Elesh Norn doesn’t even think to talk about the consent of those people in the cult for whether they’d even want to be Elspeth’s friend or lover. Many cult members do end up coerced into relationships they do not want, and this is a showing that Norn is no different from any base cult leader. She knows that people deserve freedom of choice, and freedom of thought. The moment Elspeth realises Norn is wrong, the moment she realises she is nothing like Norn, despite the similarities between her religion and Norn’s cult, is seeing how Norn treats Jin-Gitaxias. Jin raises a simple objection, a logical one, that Norn is spending time discussing and talking while their soldiers, their people, are dying. And Norn tells him to be silent. Chief among all things, cults silence dissent against the leader. One could say that’s the cardinal sin in a cult. And that is what makes Elspeth realise she could never be like Norn. And hopefully, eventually, it is what will help Elspeth keep in touch with her humanity after her transformation. Because no matter what, the key lesson is, even the strongest of us is still vulnerable to temptation, to the urge to lose ourselves in obedience of another. And it's more important now than ever to remember to fight that urge.

Anticipated Questions (FAQ I Suppose But Ahead Of Time)

But I don’t see New Phyrexia this way, I think it’s (Insert X Narrative): That’s your view. You’re entirely entitled to it. This wouldn’t be very much of a good essay talking about cults and the importance of the freedom of choice if I insisted everyone else follow my point of view and agree entirely with everything I’ve said.

Are you saying I’m wrong for liking New Phyrexia?: Not at all. Again with the point before, this is my interpretation I am posting for literary merit in hopes it may interest others and perhaps aid their understanding of New Phyrexia. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with liking villains. It’s simply an understanding I came to through a lot of thinking about New Phyrexia I felt others may enjoy. The last thing I want is to start some sort of flame war over this. In fact if you use this essay to start such a flame war and try and make others conform to your beliefs, you have missed the point entirely.

Tell me about your personal experience with cults: Respectfully no. I will talk about that to people I am comfortable talking about it with. People who friend me on Discord may ask me, I may answer but I will not mind them asking. Otherwise I prefer not to share.

If you don’t want people to change their views, why did you post this essay?: I was thinking about my personal experience with cults and I thought others may want to see them and it may interest others, and it helped me type out my own personal feelings.

Isn’t it meritorious to discuss how New Phyrexia also has Christofascist elements with the Machine Orthodoxy and the specifics of the religion and how Norn demands they conquer?: For this specific essay, I actually believe no. A key thing a lot of people don’t think about is not all cults are the same belief systems. They don’t all approach with end of the world rhetoric, or some crazy theory, or hatred of others. Sometimes they’re a group preaching love and acceptance and tolerance, and claiming that you will feel much better with the cult. Sometimes they’re groups trying to take in the underserved of society and use their righteous indignation to serve their own ends. It doesn’t matter that New Phyrexia is Christofascist for why it is a cult, for all we care it could be about refusing violence entirely and spreading tolerance and goodwill to non phyrexians and preaching for coexistence. The key common factor is a manipulation of the members and control of their lives.

Despite all this I’m going to send you an ask or DM saying you’re horrible for this post in some moralistic way: Ok.

[novlr]

Do you have any tips of how to write a villain that is a bad person, but is also likeable?

There are several options for writing villains that build the foundation for a reader’s perception of just how evil they really are. The villain is often a story’s antagonist but can also be the story’s main character. But they are not always a pure evil character. So how do we create a villain that our readers will like? 

Sympathy

The strongest way to bridge the gap between your villain and the reader is by appealing to sympathy. A tragic backstory goes a long way in setting the stage for a character’s fall to villainy. Many people can identify with the fear—or knowledge—of how much one bad thing can persuade someone to do bad things. No matter how strong a person appears, there’s an extreme situation that can push anyone to make a bad choice. 

The two common avenues you can pursue within the sympathy track are the impossible situation and desperation. To embody the ‘impossible situation’, your villain’s motivations need to stem from something where the bad choice was the only real choice. In a fantasy world, your villain may be a dark wizard that was an average person before they were abducted by a larger evil force, and forced to become evil or die. They may be indoctrinated into the wrong cause now—thus becoming the villain. In a modern setting, your villain may have grown up in an environment that promoted crime or violence as the only way to live. 

Desperation is a good motivator when the villain needs to gain (or re-gain) something, and there’s a “bad” option that will get the desired results faster. Perhaps your villain had to make a terrible choice to keep their livelihood or significant other, and covering up that choice continues to make their actions antagonistic. More specifically, desperation shows up in a pivotal time of need: where someone could take the high road, but we understand the appeal of the so-called low road. 

So how do we keep the sympathy real?

Your reader needs to see how they, or a loved one, could stoop to the villain’s level. This may be the most difficult part of creating this character because you can’t appeal to every individual member of your audience here. 

I suggest starting with research on whistleblowers (people who report illegal or unethical business practices that are undeniably in the ‘right’ but are certainly the ‘villain’ to the company) and thinking about the perspectives of the business’s employees. Many of them didn’t know about the wrong their company was doing, so now they’re angry with the whistleblower for taking away their jobs or ruining their professional reputations. Then, think about the people who were aware of the acts and were eager to keep profits high at the risk of getting caught. 

Do you need a redemption arc?

Nope. People go too far sometimes, and there’s no saving them. For some people, redemption may only come in their total and utter defeat, whether they’re imprisoned, killed, or otherwise incapacitated. 

If you are considering a redemption arc, you need to stick to the character’s established principles: it was all for nothing if their villainous actions are washed away by regret or the hero’s need to defeat them. We sympathize with conviction — you have to let your villain keep theirs to maintain character integrity.

A villain can realize their actions were wrong (murder often isn’t a good answer!), but they need to still believe in their actions, even if they wouldn’t do it again. A likable villain does the wrong things for the right reason. Stripping them of that reason strips their character of meaning. Who are they, in the end, if they were a monster for no reason at all? 

Perceived injustice and your villain

I want to talk about using perspectives and hidden information to play on the sympathy of your readers. If the circumstance that led to the villain’s actions was a lie from the start, the audience gets to experience the grief of being a monster for no reason at all. They could spend the entire story hating the villain along with the character’s telling the story and have it come crashing down in the denouement.

The burden of realizing their actions were all for nothing, or that they wouldn’t have done it if they’d known the truth, is a powerful emotional appeal. We don’t necessarily need to like the villain from chapter one; we can like them in the epilogue, where they have to deal with the consequences of their actions. 

In the end, the villain is just a character

A villain has just as much opportunity to be likable as the hero does, though it’s trickier to get there in a tale of good versus evil. Anyone short of truly evil can be likable, and I’m sure someone out there still has a soft spot for the truly evil and irredeemable.

People do bad things for good reasons every day. You just get to figure out how to balance those with redeemable qualities or convictions. 

[yeowangies]

A beast to toy with

PAIRING: Kenpachi/AFAB!Reader. CONTENTS: Explicit Sexual Content, Cunnilingus, Yandere!Kenpachi, Size Difference WORDCOUNT: 1240

Summary:

Every time you walked to the fourth division, you could feel it everywhere. Whenever you went back to the barracks, there he was, somewhere in the roofs of the buildings. Even when you were alone in your room, you could practically smell him; he had been there at some point while you were gone. 

Notes:

KINKTOBER DAY 16: Size Difference

I think I'm not that good at writing yandere stuff, so this is more lighthearted than it should be, i suppose. I still tried lmao, either way, I enjoyed writing the smut part of this 🥴

@actuallysaiyan

divider by @/cafekitsune

You regretted sleeping with Kenpachi the minute you started feeling his spirit pressure around at practically all times, the day after the deed. 

Every time you walked to the fourth division, you could feel it everywhere. Whenever you went back to the barracks, there he was, somewhere in the roofs of the buildings. Even when you were alone in your room, you could practically smell him; he had been there at some point while you were gone. 

Kenpachi was known for being insane in a different way than this, so you couldn't lie to yourself and say it didn’t turn you on to see him being so obsessed with you. As creepy and insane as it was, you still found it somehow flattering. 

But it was getting ridiculous. 

You had just ordered a drink at a bar, and the guy handing you the glass had talked to you for not even a minute before you felt Kenpachi’s looming presence behind you. 

“You have got to be kidding me.” You growled, turning to see him behind you as the man scurried out. As did most of the people in your surrounding. “What do you think you’re doing here?”

“Who was that?” Kenpachi asked in an intimidating tone, but you paid it no mind.

“Just some guy, serving me a drink! And what is it to you?”

“What is it to me?” He growled.

You ignored him, downing your sake in one gulp before walking past Kenpachi and out the bar. Your short legs weren’t a match to his long ones, and he had grabbed your arm as soon as the cool air hit your face. 

“Let go!” You tried to yank your arm free, but he remained unfazed. 

“No.”

“What do you even want?”

Kenpachi looked at you with the deepest frown. Like he couldn’t believe you were even asking him that. 

“Why did you disappear the next morning?”

“What?”

“Why did you disappear the next morning?” He repeated with a louder voice. His stare was threatening, but you knew better than being scared of it. 

“Because I had to go.” You replied flatly. “It was just a one night thing.”

You were fully aware of what kind of beast you were toying with, even more so when you noticed the muscles in Kenpachi’s jaw tense. 

It amused you to no end that he actually wanted something more than a casual affair. You hadn’t pegged him as that kind of man, quite the contrary. He gave the impression of being completely aloof and carefree, not looking for any deep connection, let alone being obsessed enough with one person to keep them by his side.

You were obviously wrong. 

With a smirk on his lips and an alluring gleam in his eyes, he replied:

“You are mine every night from now on.”

You could only keep up the banter for a while, huffing and complaining about how he didn’t own you, and that you were your own person. You were, but you submitted yourself willingly to him when he tugged at your arm to drag you to a dark alley. And you didn’t put up a fight. 

Your body shivered uncontrollably, hips jerking forward on their own accord. It was difficult to stand up and not succumb to the immense pleasure you were experiencing; if it wasn’t for Kenpachi’s hands on your thighs, you would have fallen down already. 

You moaned loudly, supporting yourself with hands against the wall, as Kenpachi devoured you from behind, your pants and panties discarded at your feet. His face, buried in the curve of your ass and between your legs, never left you, delving in your entrance, as if he had been craving your taste for years. As if he hadn’t just tasted you a few nights ago. His hands were burning your skin, digging his fingers where your ass and thigh met to keep you as still and open for him as he could. 

You had objected to this affair for a number of reasons, but you had forgotten what they were then. He was just too good. That a man as big and proud as Kenpachi was kneeling behind you, eating you out from behind, was a thrill on its own; but his tongue and mouth were marvelous, exploring every inch of you, making your veins pulse with pleasure. 

He slurped and hummed, kneading your flesh every time his tongue pressed inside you just right, making you press back against his mouth. You panted heavily as he lapped at your clit next, coaxing you closer to the edge of an amazing orgasm. 

“Fuck, you’re gonna make me come…” You warned him, reaching behind to thread your fingers in his hair. 

Kenpachi growled, animalistic and raw, as he kept swirling his tongue against your pussy, not leaving any bit of skin untouched. 

Your legs shivered when you came a few moments later, seeing white behind your lids as a long, dragged out moan left your lips. His firm grip on your thighs tightened, keeping you in place as he coaxed out more and more of your release. 

When you yanked at his hair, wordlessly commanding him to stop, Kenpachi pulled back. He only gave you a second to respire, standing up and positioning himself behind you. You didn’t even register what he was doing until he pulled down his hakama enough to free his cock, and his big hands on your hips made you gasp when he brought you closer, making you stand on your tiptoes to align your pussy with his dick. 

Kenpachi didn’t waste any second in sliding his erection inside you. You let out a choked out moan, thigh shuddering as you struggled to accommodate his size, but you could barely do anything, your toes hardly reached the floor. 

You were small, vulnerable, when he started to thrust against your pussy. You tried to keep your balance with your hands against the wall, but every jerk of his hips made you totter, and his cock grazing the deepest part inside you left you speechless. You were going to be sore the next day; just like you had been after the first time you laid with him. He was simply too big, thick, making it a tight fit for him each time he glided inside you.

Grunting and groaning against your neck, Kenpachi hovered over your body, covering you completely with it. He wrapped an arm around your waist, keeping you close to his body, his other hand sneaking under your clothes to grope your breast. You whimper in overwhelming delight when he pinched your nipple just as the tip of his cock pressed against a sensitive spot inside you. 

“Look at you, you can’t even talk.” He mocked you, roughly squeezing your tit. “No one else would make you feel this way.”

You wished you had it in you to contradict him, but it would have been in vain. You were moaning, mewling and whining as if you were being tortured, but it was all due to his touch, his hands on your body, his lips against your neck, and his cock relentlessly sliding in and out of your pussy.

“You’re mine.” Kenpachi said against your ear, voice spilling lust, giving you goosebumps. “ You belong to me, don’t forget it.”

Your eyes rolled back when the heat inside your abdomen built up, closer and closer to the edge of an impending orgasm.

[lokh]

what do you think toshiro's version of laios would've been like if he was still with the group during the shapeshifter shenanigans

there have been a few speculations in the tag and among the fans and they are all very good SO i am going to take this opportunity to insert a bit of my shipping bias as i like in my interpretation LMAO agdsfgdfgv

i noted that in actuality shuro seems to have a very good grasp on laios' character??? this is most obvious in the manga later on but even seeing how he criticises laios in their fight... iirc nothing he says is actually untrue or wildly exaggerated, and while he does express frustration over something he feels like laios Should have control over (noticing his cues), he is also aware that laios isnt being malicious and that hes Just Like That. what i mean to say is that while i think his version of laios may seem more pushy and in-your-face, i dont think it will be overwhelmingly so. if its post-fight, i think the idea of laios (and marcille) being willing to do anything to get falin back made a big impression on him, as well as the idea that they need to eat and rest in order to succeed in their goals, so those aspects would be prominent in his version. he seems pretty observant, so i think for the most part the physical traits would line up, but i think there would be specific things that stand out to him that would appear strangely striking on his version of laios (like. idk something about his eye colour or the subtle contrast of his armour and chainmail. he seems to have a weird sense of aesthetics if extras are anything to go by lmao). if hed actually been paying attention all those times laios had gone on about what the hell ever, then it might be even MORE hard to tell apart his version since he would also have a good grasp on what laios should know. so either his version of laios is pretty difficult to pick out, OR despite the character being accurate his appearance is too. stylised lmao (exaggerated features or something) OR!! they just get him to pull out his monster gourmet guide thing and are able to tell from there. iirc everyone was surprised at its appearance so its possible toshiro had also never seen it before

IN MY IMAGINARY SHIPPING SCENARIO............ lets say that his laios isnt able to be picked out immediately and that the monster guide thing also doesnt immediately occur to anyone. what the real laios Specifically notices is how close this other laios keeps getting to shuro. and hes like. ??? why is he getting so close to him, theres no way i get that close to him??? but no one else seems to be picking up on it as weird, so hes having a small crisis like do i REALLY get that close to him???? and now that hes on the outside he notices shuro subtly leaning away and he feels both a wave of shame and..... protectiveness??? (JEALOUSY??????) and he immediately steps in and grabs him like Hey!!! cant you see hes uncomfortable???? weve been through this already!!! and like. ok i cant believe im doing this again but i need to separate this into different endings

a) the whump route: i dont think shuro ever envisioned Actually Telling laios about his frustrations outside of being basically cornered into it. has he ever spoken up against what was expected of him?? has he ever been confrontational???? i think part of what held him back from expressing his frustrations, along with the cultural norms, could be fear of what the reaction would be. if he had done the same in any other aspect of his life (his family, his inheritance), i think he would expect disappointment, disapproval, more proof that he doesnt add up to expectation. to be honest i dont think he Truly believes that laios is the type of person to react like this. but it was strong enough to prevent him from acting and i think would be projected onto his image of laios. maybe fake!laios says something dismissive like Well if it really bothered him hed say something right? what, he cant even stand up for himself? cmon, shuro, prove that you cant handle it just like everything else. and thats pretty much the fastest giveaway that it isnt really laios. of course this would be a HUGE tonal departure from what the actual episode/chapter was, so:

b) the dumbass route: both laioses break into fisticuffs, and, yes.... barking. and so they speedrun the entire encounter as the shapeshifters true form appears and, after laios points out that thinking too hard about others versions of you can tear apart groups and peace of mind, they pointedly do not speak of it again. they think about it though. a LOT

c) the normal route: both laioses argue normal like and the group ends up being able to tell them apart because the fake laios goes on a little too long about how theyre all here for falin and everyones like ok its not like he DOESNT love his sister but.......... the rest of the scenario probably goes like canon, though then i would want to see what everyone Else thought of shuro

[pinktrashgoblin]

SERIOUS POST.

This may have some uncomfortable topics. But please read this whole thing. It’s important to be transparent, and I don’t want Cin to spread more shit.

my deepest apologies to people who are just here on my blog and reblogging my work for fun.

EDIT: I can’t believe I have to say this but don’t fucking harass anyone mentioned in this post. That just reflects on YOU.

Alright, Cin. Since you want a response so bad, here ya go.

So what is this whole thing about?

User @/cintagonisupset is going around telling people this.

I’m already seeing the impacts, having my friends come to me about this. You’ve got my hands tied, so I’m making my statement.

First and foremost: I‘m not going to pretend that I didn’t make dirty jokes in my server in the past, before my birthday when I was 17, a minor myself, and before I banned such jokes last year. With 100% earnest I know this was a bad idea, and I have taken the time to be more careful about what I say around certain audiences. I am not perfect. But in his haste to fuck me up, he left out some crucial details.

1: I was 17 at the time, a minor myself, and was and still am in high school. I was a high schooler, making high-school-tier jokes in a server of other high schoolers. I am not ACTIVELY MAKING THESE JOKES like he says I am, and I do not condone the idea of doing so.

2: I am autistic. I struggle with social cues, with decision-making and so forth. I am only recently 18, but that does not mean I am mentally or emotionally mature, far from it. Mentally I am still a child. I struggle more than the average person with judgement, and often slip up around those I let my guard down around. I am working on this to avoid things such as this.

3: I am incredibly susceptible to peer pressure. In a place where those jokes were made, I wanted to feel like part of the group. So, as I often do, I mirrored behavior to feel like I fit in. I wasn’t sitting my high-school ass down and going “Let’s make raunchy jokes with kids!”, I was thinking in terms of “Maybe if I talk like them, they’ll like me and I’ll fit in somewhere” without fully realizing what everything meant, and without being able to properly process the social queues associated.

4: This was MONTHS ago. I do not actively do these things, nor condone them, I think it’s fucked up and I’ve done everything I can to be better than that. But to misrepresent the situation as me actively doing so isn’t great either.

So with that out of the way.

Do I think it was a good idea? No, absolutely not, but let’s not pretend that this is unheard of in high school and definitely on the internet. Since the dawn of time kids have made stupid jokes with one another. I was a middle schooler once and a high schooler now, I know exactly what goes on in those places. Let me restate: that doesn’t make it good, but let’s not pretend I’m the only high school kid who’s ever made a joke like that around their peers.

My point is, once this thing has become so normalized all over the place, in school, in media, it becomes difficult, especially for a neurodivergent such as myself, to deduce what to and not to do. I have fundamental principles and rules, but that does not mean I am not susceptible to being pressured into this sort of thing.

As I mentioned: I am not emotionally, or mentally, mature. I don’t know everything. I don’t fully comprehend the nuances of things. I am not always aware of what I am saying. I cannot understand social queues in the same way you do.

Make your conclusions as you will, but this is my stance, and this is the truth.

Also, maybe don’t tell people to kill themselves and that nobody likes them? Just a thought. (BTW: As mentioned I am autistic, it’s not as simple as “grow up”.)

TL;DR: I made raunchy/dirty jokes in my server when I was 17, in high school, with a bunch of other high schoolers, and Cin is telling me to end my life because of it.

Please consider my words. I have worked hard to build what I have, and feel it is important to be transparent. I want nothing but to make a positive impact on this community and the people within it. This does not mean I am perfect, but I am trying my best and my intentions are good.

Feel free to ask me, or leave opinions in the reblogs and replies. This is a conversation, not a preaching.

Also, about the art thief thing: I genuinely have no fuckin clue what he’s going on about there.

Edit: I have deleted the “P.S.” section regarding a suspicion I have to avoid further conflict.

[vasito-de-leche]

Hi! I read about your super cool Self Aware R1999 AU and it got me thinking about what Sonetto would be like, since I have a 100% bond with her in the suitcase.

Would she try to keep normalcy? Have a brand new idle line? Perhaps pull a Monika DDLC and start writing poetry where she tries to grapple with the fact that there’s an eldritch being puppeteering her best friend?

;R1999 SONETTO - Self-Aware AU

Headcanons about how Sonetto would act upon becoming self-aware. Related to this Self-Aware AU post.

glad you like the AU! this was a nice chance to explore Sonetto's character more <3

To organize my thoughts better, I gotta talk about Sonetto first for a bit.

I definitely talked about this with a few friends, but Sonetto is a wonderful character to me because I both dislike and feel for her a lot - especially in the new 1.4 Main Story update. The emphasis the game puts into her role as a military dog (raised to follow orders and die for a cause she doesn't truly understand) and a lost puppy (a curious and dependant child believing her caretakers have the best of intentions) really lives up to the way she portrays these same traits. Yes, it's awful to see her continue to perpetuate the harmful ideas the Foundation taught her, but it makes sense. Yes, it's lovely to see her slowly break away from everything she's ever known, and yet revert back to her habits because change is difficult. The way she works perfectly as a foil to Vertin, it's so good!

To me, Sonetto is a character that resists change, while yearning for it at the same time. That's why her Medium is curiosity, after all. It's so lovely and ironic to see THE perfect example of a Foundation martyr being set up for failure in something that they couldn't have even foreseen, her own Medium, her own innate curiosity.

So with this in mind, I think that within the Self-Aware AU ... I think she would be able to deal with this sudden awareness of everything being fake, because her first reaction would be to assume there's something wrong with herself for thinking something so outlandish, so beyond what she was taught. Sonetto would still resist this change - if this is a game, then she's not meant to be aware of it, therefore she's the one at fault and perhaps, broken in a way.

Maybe "broken" is too heavy of a word, I imagine it's more like she believes she broke the rules by gaining this level of sentience. That it' wasn't supposed to happen in the first place.

How would she act overall?

I feel like Sonetto would be relatively fine upon becoming sentient because of this, she'd be shaken but would continue to do as expected and follow the script like a proper little chess piece, one of the many cogs needed in the machine - her reasoning is simple: if everyone who is self-aware began to act out, there wouldn't be a game to play. And what would happen to her friends, then? If this stability that the plot and script brings is suddenly gone?

There would be times where she might slip up, but they'd be very subtle changes in the her dialogue - perhaps the inflection of her voice, rather than the words - she might pause for longer to think, to consider whether to do anything outside of what she's expected to. But that's about it.

The problem begins when she finds out (or is told) that the Foundation had known this truth about the world they live in for longer than she's been alive. Sonetto remains docile entirely to keep that order and harmony she's been raised to maintain, but to find out that the very people who taught her that have known and done nothing but lie to everyone - that would be the catalyst for her.

Personally, I like to think that this is something she figures out on her own, rather than being told. A truth she must face on her own instead of just accepting someone else's words.

Her behaviour would still largely remain the same whenever she knows she has a part to play, but in those moments when she knows there's no "camera" looking at her, Sonetto would... sit there. WIth the way I've interpreted Sonetto, she's a character that struggles to actually have an identity outside of the Foundation's training, so now that this is something she can't rely on, she's at a loss as to what to do with this newfound freedom.

I imagine this is when other arcanists who were self-aware before her would start reaching out to Sonetto and slowly give her that stability she needs.

On the subject of Sonetto's relationship with Vertin.

The way I interpreted Sonetto and Vertin's dynamic, I don't see them as best friends!

From reading back some scenes and transcribing most of CH 03 of the Main Story, it feels like both Sonetto and Vertin have always found themselves in a one-sided relationship: when they were kids, Sonetto rejected Vertin's attempts at becoming friends because of their differences, even if they were both curious about each other. They never striked me as close. Now that years have passed, Vertin treats Sonetto similar to how she treats everyone else, while Sonetto explicitly wants to be closer to Vertin due to what happened when they were kids.

To me, Vertin has shown more emotion to Schneider and Madam Z than to Sonetto. There's this one-sided dynamic again.

In the context of the AU, I think Sonetto finding out about what Vertin goes through with this entity and this role that the game forced upon her, she would double down on her feelings to protect Vertin. There's a lot of guilt involved, since - once again - that's what the Foundation teaches to all orphan arcanists, to repent for their unruly and destructive existence.

I think Sonetto would feel guilty for not gaining sentience sooner, while Vertin has been struggling with this heavy weight for God knows how long. She would recontextualize everything about Vertin, her actions and the differences that constantly got her into trouble as a child, her desire to escape - attributing all of it to this entity that follows her. Because I do think that Sonetto idolizes Vertin to a degree that fuels this one-sided dynamic between them, not out of malice of course, just like a puppy.

So in the end, Sonetto would resent the Player and worry even more for Vertin, now using this as a justification for acting out of line and out of script, as Vertin's self-imposed protector.

It would take Sonetto a looooooong time to do anything with her sentience and freedom, beyond continuing to support Vertin. Her poems and her art would reflect this progress slowly, but yeah, not a lot of noticeable changes.

Reaching 100% Bond with Sonetto.

This is a very conflicting event for Sonetto, I'd say.

The more attention you pay to her, the more aware she becomes of your influence - and now she has to come to terms with the fact that there is no way of separating you from Vertin. She can't free Vertin from this fate, and it doesn't look like she wants that to happen either, but it eats Sonetto from inside out. Because she doesn't understand, and she wants to know why this is the way things are meant to be.

When it comes to reaching 100% Bond with her, or levelling her up and so on, I don't think she'd pay much attention to the mechanical aspect of it all. She's a skilled arcanist, she's the first important character the game gives to you during the tutorial stages, she knows just how important her Disarm ability can be to win a battle - of course you would want her on your team.

But as she slowly spends more time with Vertin and the Player, I think Sonetto would start to wonder about the outside world. They're small, little and impulsive thoughts in the back of her mind, like wondering if you too have someone in this fictional little world that you care about enough to see the story through the end. Are you capable of loving someone that can't reach out to you nor acknowledge your presence? Isn't it cruel, for those who remain blind to the truth, to be so loved and cherished by you?

Do you read the newspaper the same way Vertin does? Do you care about her? About her goals and dreams and thoughts?

This is the only way Sonetto can reconcile this resentment she has for you: through Vertin. I think Vertin would eventually notice all these subtle changes, the way Sonetto never looks truly happy whenever she looks at Vertin, looking above as if she could catch a glimpse of the Player. And Vertin would help through the whole process, easing up to sentience as a whole, to accepting the Player's existence as just something that is there, neither good or bad.

While she's one of the very few who has no trouble differentiating your actions and influence from Vertin's own free will, she would eventually come to respect your choices. Doing her best and beyond whenever you choose her to battle, because now the stakes are higher - now, she's choosing to fight for something she fully understands and cares about.

I like to think that Sonetto can't hear you, but she might be able to see you. Little glimpses here and there, when she happens to look up at the sky, and she sees you cheering after beating that one level that's been giving you a headache. I like to think that she would share these details about you with Vertin, if only to ease her own mind about the complex dynamic you have with THE Timekeeper.

But at the end of the day, this is progress and these are many changes that happen out of your field of vision. Perhaps, one day, Sonetto will gather the courage to thank you for taking care of Vertin when no one else would.

[hantenguclonesimp-minuszoha]

詐欺師...

"詐欺師... [sagishi...]"

╰┈➤ ❝𝐃𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫❞

𝐃𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐢𝐯𝐞 -> 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐛

Definition: deliberately cause (someone) to believe something that is not true, especially for personal gain.

"𝐈 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐅𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐡 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐠𝐧𝐞."

Hantengu x Fem!Reader [Drabble]

Synopsis: She is yet again given another reminder of why she shut herself away...

Warnings: Very brief mention of NSFW at Karaku's part.

Reader key features + fact: You're taller than Urami (choose your height). You're also some glowing ethereal being who tries to help humanity but you've been betrayed by someone who you trusted with this goal also.

Note: MKX's Shinnok's one quote when he curses at Johnny, Sonya and Kenshi motivated me to do this. Good way to kickstart my writing mind.

Ever since that day, she refused to let anyone have the privilege of gaining her trust once more and thus shut herself away...

This was the first time she had ever been with someone so close after millenia. It was difficult to trust someone again after the betrayal she had gone through, but this kind gentleman had gotten her to open up once more as he was welcomed into her sanctuary. He is such a sensitive and rather 'weak' individual, but she did not judge him for that, not in the slightest. In fact, it gave him a sort of charm that no other had. "You and alters amuse me." Said the giantess as she looked down at her small companion in her palm. "I-I do?" The man – more specifically, demon – replied as he tilted his small head up to look at his bigger lady friend. "I've been on my own for quite some time. It's nice to talk to someone or people." The woman chuckled at the irony of Hantengu being an individual yet not at the same time. She found it quite odd at first and was curious too, however, she gradually grew used to all of them and their personalities and came to enjoy their company very much.

The first time she met him, he was a sobbing mess. She pitied him greatly and thus allowed him to find solace and peace within her temple, giving him as much time as he needed to calm down. She wasn't very willing to speak to him the first time but overtime, he kept appearing until she took the initiative. To her, it was the best decision she's ever made as she learned of the evils committed against him. The woman would come to learn of so-called Demon Slayers committing crimes against him and his race. They could not help that they fed off of humans and it was now also her goal to ensure that his race have a place in the paradise she wishes to bring upon the living. That she promised him. Hantengu on the other hand, couldn't help but be moved by her vow to him despite being actively aware of his 'half truths'. However, what he told her wasn't a lie. It was the truth! He is innocent!

There are many times she finds one of the Hantengus finding solace in her presence. Even the loudest clone, Urogi, finds himself being surprisingly peaceful when he's around her. "What is your place in this world?" He asked curiously as he perched on her broad shoulder. "I am here to better it, no matter how long it takes, no matter how gruelling the process may be. I am here to better it for all the innocent who suffer from the cruelties of evil." The woman he could only describe as a sort of 'guardian', responded with a gentle smile before raising a hand to caress her harpy demon companion's handsome face. Urogi trilled in joy before rubbing his head against hers and taking flight, cawing and making other bird calls for her as he flew around her. She much enjoyed Urogi's companionship because of how easily he is able to lift her spirits. He isn't the clone of joy for nothing. "Come, dear. I want to show you something." The giantess beckons Urogi to follow as she leads him towards a space that doesn't quite make sense. A space much like the Infinity Castle, however, out in a void with many floating islands and starts in the distance. The dimension was filled with muted colours of purple, grey with the brightest colour being a glowing yellow.

The harpy demon looked around with curiosity and shock as he noticed his entire form get changed to match the same colours of the realm. Only the guardian kept hers as her glow brightens which almost calls to him as he then sticks to her side like glue. The clone of joy also realised how gravity seems to be a much less than what he's used, much to his amusement. "This is the Realm of Forgotten Souls... A place for those I punish." Despite her soft and gentle tone, there is a sort of sharpness in her eyes that intimidates even him, the mighty Upper Four. He nods softly as his eyes scan as much as they can, intrigued by this odd vacuum of islands and trees and giant glowing crystals. This was all so odd to him. "This is a place I do not come to often..." A hint of solemnity was present in her voice, he realised this place must be quite grim. "But it is a punishment for those who commit acts of evil. Your sense of justice, especially Zohakuten pushed me into showing you this. Thank you, for contributing."

He never saw much of that place again and never asked of it either. He only cared for his amusement. Part of his sick mind was amused that this guardian of sorts was under the impression that he and the others were saviours to their own race who strive for justice. He only knows that he himself is innocent, a delusion he shares with his main body. Otherwise, Urogi sees a human just like any demon. Mere cattle. A delicacy for his etched tongue. The others thought much the same and showed little care in changing their ways. However, it would come as a surprise to all of them that Hantengu would have a rapidly ever growing fondness for this giantess and she much the same. Being the same person of different stages in life, they too felt a growing affection towards her and began putting effort in keeping their grotesque ways hidden from her pure eyes. That's what they all began to view her as. A pure woman and strong woman with intentions so great, so good, that they honestly believed that humanity didn't deserve her as their saviour, but rather just him. Hantengu deserved her and he would make it a point to show her. Hantengu is the one she saw the most. He would often be resting in her palm as she and him gazed up at the stars peacefully without him constantly chatter of those who wrong him.

He would find himself listening to her gentle voice, "I can't help but like you more and more, dear. Is it some charm of yours I'm not aware of?" and admiring her glowing face as she looked at him with kind eyes before being surprised by a sweet kiss on his forehead. "If that's what it is, then it worked rather flawlessly, I'd say." She smiled softly at her small demon companion who was currently stuttering to the point where he couldn't even speak. It was then that he knew he needed to court her. Sekido would begin to visit her more often in her Garden of Virtue. He would bask in her divine light that caused him no harm as he would make conversation with her, growing closer the same way Hantengu did. "Your radiance has intrigued me from the moment we met. Perhaps we were fated to come across one another." He mused absentmindedly, unknowingly causing his giantess to slowly fall for him harder. His deep and gruff voice had always sounded pleasant to her ears. It was firm, filled with a fire and determination that she greatly admired. "Mayhaps, dear." She responds softly, smiling fondly at Sekido who merely grabbed her hand gently without a hint of shame. Sekido is the more calm and serious one when it comes to courting her, much like Aizetsu who is a tad more vulnerable.

Surprisingly enough, he was the one who managed to coax her into exploring the outside world once more and he's the one who ultimately had the privilege of connecting his lips with hers first. It was sweet filled with much passion yet a surprising bit of innocence from the guardian herself. Instantly, he realised that she's never had a man, much to his surprise. However, things seem to be in his favour as he and his clones have a considerate amount experience with women (fucking whores). Sekido continued kissing her with a surprising amount of gentleness, pulling her shrunken frame closer to his toned one. The kiss had left her feeling weak all over despite it holding a surprising amount of chasteness and an equal amount of passion. That night had strengthened their bond even more and when they returned, she her fondness for her companion(s) grew more and more. "You are... charming." "As are you, my heavenly light." 'Light' or 'Star' were the nicknames Sekido had given to her. Star being for the bright lights in the sky that reminded him of her, and Light being the heavenly light that shines upon those virtuous like himself.

Urogi had the easiest time courting her. He brought her many things (that did not include flesh and blood) as gifts and trinkets of appreciation and showed her what great fun "life" could be. The very first thing he did was take her to the skies after having requested of her to shrink her size. "Shrink, there's something I want to show you." "Okay?" He was pleasantly surprised when she complied and waited to see what he would do. Urogi did quite startle her when he suddenly charged at her with his wings flared before he was in the sky within a second, but that soon changed to joyous and awe-struck laughter when she realised what he was doing. He had privilege of seeing her glowing eyes look around and at him with much joy and awe, it was clear to him that she had isolated herself after her betrayal and couldn't help but pity her slightly. He made sure to give her a show to remember. "The moon is beautiful, isn't it?" And he was quite bold with it too. By the time they returned, he had successfully managed to strengthen her attachment to him which he was quite proud of. "A smile does your face better, you know?" "Thank you."

Aizetsu was far more gentle and romantic. He, much like the emotion he is manifested from, was there for her in her most vulnerable. He was the reason she opened up so easily. He saw her tears and couldn't help but feel so much pity for her as she hid her face in her hands which were unable to contain her almost never-ending tears that flowed like raging waters breaking down a dam. "I was... betrayed. Trapped and imprisoned after having stolen everything." This person she once trusted was a friend. A friend whom she thought shared the same ideals or... once shared the same ideals. "Power corrupts and (s)he fell into that never-ending abyss of greed." The clone of sorrow came to learn that her prison was a realm of floating islands with dead trees while she was changed to the biggest one. She was only freed by chance and sought revenge. "Did you get your revenge?" The giantess only stared in the distance with her glowing tear glazed eyes, not saying a word or nodding her head. Aizetsu knew what her answer was. The demon of sorrow made sure to never ask her that question again, not wanting to bring up any unwanted memories.

Instead, he used what he learned and comforted her, healed her bruised heart and her repaired her fractured trust. Aizetsu often engaged in quality time and allowed himself to be vulnerable with her, told her what woes his sorrowful heart carries whenever he had the time and noticed that she appreciated such vulnerability. His compassion is the reason for the many blessings they have received from her in battle. It's why they even killed a three Hashiras. "It takes much bravery to be open like this." "... Indeed." "Thank you." Aizetsu knew what trouble she has to open up once more and he aided her into being vulnerable, to show her that not everything in this world is deceives. Then follows Karaku's courting. His way of courting her is far more... direct. Unlike the others – with the exception of Urogi – who tried to keep their feelings at a minimum, Karaku did not even attempt to do so. He flirted with her often, albeit respectfully and made brave yet brazen moves on her also. It's one of the main reason, she shrunk down to their level. His physical affections were much too enticing and charming to resist, and his words even more so.

"My, my, I truly feel sorry for you, my lovely star. Truly have you had no man compliment what a beautiful frame you have been blessed with? No man as chivalrous as myself?" He even changed his rather lazy and informal way of speaking just for her. The emerald-eyed demon grabbed her by the waist gently and twirled her around, eliciting a giggle out of her. "Then let me be the first to say that you have a lovely frame. You're delicious eye candy." He made sure to emphasise his words using the sharpness of his voice to make it sound more... enticing. His intentions with her were quite clear, yet he knew that she couldn't tell. He, like his clones, were very much aware of her purity and Karaku intended on winning her true affections... The demon of pleasure had come up with many ways of gaining her trust and affections though he particularly stuck to one. Simple flirting and seductive gestures or behaviour. It came as no surprise to him that it soon worked in his favour. "This is how a man makes a woman feel..." He could remember the way her voice sounded, the way she called out to him, "Karaku..." and the way he moved her innocent body. He could remember the way he had touched her and the way she had touched him so shyly. He could remember how she he had exhausted her. He could remember how she felt...

Karaku's little contribution was the final nail in the coffin. No more had to be done, yet they continued anyways. Urami and Zohakuten finally made their appearance, nothing else was needed except to protect her with almost their lives. "You two are quite a surprise. Seeing you is like seeing a blue moon." The two were humbled by her presence and did not much but spend their time with her without the interruption of the other four. "We waited for the other four to finish courting you, that way, we wouldn't be interrupted by their monkey business." She couldn't help but chuckle at Urami's way of describing his younger selves. The woman found them quite charming, despite it being "money business". "He's right. They can be quite... overbearing." It's their arrogance at being the main four that makes them want everything and they couldn't exactly blame them since they share the same amount of ego, but it is quite irritating. Ultimately, Zohakuten and Urami were the ones who ensured that nothing of what they do got to her. Hence why they specifically requested her to take Hantengu elsewhere in battles since that where the meet more often than in her own home.

Hantengu, Zohakuten and Urami all had their share with her for a a few nights and days to follow seeing as the four were now sated enough for them to be left at peace. "I will try to better this place for your race also..." They then heard her speak solemnly. "The humans are the plague of this world." But she disagreed. Their giantess explained to them why they too suffer, wanting to show her way of of thinking and life. They only listened in silence to her passionate speech. The night was rather peaceful and uneventful, just as they had wished. Their mere presence was enough for one another. With all that was done for her, she too wanted to learn more of him. His entire life actually. However, she came to the discouraging fact that he remembered nothing of his human life, only mere fractions which was far too little for her. So, one day, she looked into his past, eager the learn more of her new lover and to perhaps surprise him.

He was no sweetheart, it seems. A murderer, a liar and manipulator of the worst kind. She could not possibly fathom how one could so easily kill their own kin and the very person who helped bring such beauty to life. His race was the bane of humanity's existence. That's why the "villain Slayers" want them gone. It was then she remembered why she had isolated herself from others, child or not...

"MISERABLE WRETCH! INSIGNIFICANT SPEC OF FECULENT SCUM! HOW DARE YOU!"

The five jumped back in surprise at her booming voice and powerful glare. They wondered why she was angry at them. What had they done? "It is YOU!!! You are the reason they suffer also!" They realised that this was no joke, she was yelling at them in anger and scorn. All the love and affection they had once known in her entire demeanour was gone, just like that. "My radiant star, what do you mean? Please, calm yourself!" Aizetsu was the first to speak up. The first to dare so bravely. "How dare you lie to me!!" The accusation of lying prompted Hantengu to speak up. Merely an accusation against him caused him to speak despite his cowardly personality. "N-No! N-Never! I-I've never.. I-I've nev-ver lied! Not t-to you!" But the she wasn't listening. She wouldn't listen, not to a monster, a beast, a savage like him. "You killed your CHILDREN! WIVES! And those poor souls you devoured! What had they done, beast?!" They backed away, tensing up and preparing to defend themselves should their once lover now enemy attack them.

"What had they done to deserve death?! ANSWER ME, BEAST!" The bright light she emitted that once provided them with comfort and warmth, peace and a sense of security, now filled them with nothing but fear. The guardian refused to let them leave and trapped them with her magic, trapping them in chains and disarming them. "My lovely—" "DO NOT REFER TO ME AS SUCH, BEAST!!" It was futile. She refused to listen and they realised that she would kill them if they did not escape as soon as possible. Hantengu ceased his struggle and attempts to convince his once lover of his innocence, only searching for an escape while his clones distracted her. The words he heard stung his still heart as he truly believed that he had been betrayed. "DECEIVER!!" He truly believed that he was wronged, that he was no monster to humanity and that he was virtuous. In the end, his captivity did not last long as he was soon freed of his restraints, disappearing into thin air and leaving her there, standing alone and allowing the truth of the person she trusted sink in. Yet even after they left, she was still able to say her final words to him, her ghastly voice echoing in his mind filled with scorn and disgust. "I will purge your race off of the face of this Earth and free humanity of your master's vile clutches."

"And you, my love, will pay the ultimate price for using me for your disgusting gain and ideals. I will see to it that you are freed from your master's control and back in my grasp. You will have the privilege of feeling and witnessing my wrath..."

Deceiver...

Note: My favourite drabble yet. He's a good liar.

Divider credits:

Pink hand drawn divider

The rest by Saradika

Taglist:

@hawnkoii @fallstreakfeathers @dreamcorechild @lumitylovepill @hantengus-fuckass-clones @sunbrokenswords @georgette-mademoiselle @hearts4mitsuri @star-dust-wanderer @shytastemakerthing

New member :D : @karmalizedpixie

[traumasurvivors]

Here's another article I wrote. You can read it below the read more if you prefer.

Many people blame themselves for the abuse that they have lived through. This is a very normal way to respond, but the fact is that abuse is never your fault. Whether the abuse is physical, emotional, sexual, or any type of abuse. It is not your fault. This is no matter what the circumstances of the abuse are, or what your age is when it happens. This article is going to focus specifically on childhood abuse.

Many people who have been abused blame themselves for reasons they have come up with themselves, perhaps on a subconscious level. One of these is because they feel it gives them a level of control. If there is something you could have done to stop the abuse, then you might feel that there are things you can do to avoid bad things happening to you in the future. It also might be a way to justify to themselves why it’s okay to keep a connection with their abuser, especially if their abuser is a parent or other family member. They may feel they owe loyalty to their abuser because they love their abuser and feel sure their abuser loves them. They may believe breaking bonds with their abuser would be a betrayal of that love. If you were abused by a parent, you may subconsciously believe that admitting your parent abused you would also mean admitting your parent doesn’t love you, which may seem more painful than blaming yourself.

Many abusers will make all sorts of justifications for why they acted as they did, but there is something you should always keep in mind when you hear such arguments: There is *no* excuse to abuse a child. Ever. For instance, some people may claim the reason they were abusive was due to an emotional reaction, such as feeling extremely angry. But no matter how extreme a person’s emotions may be, it is their responsibility to control how they respond. It is never a child’s responsibility to manage other peoples’ emotions, especially those of an adult. Many abusers are well aware of how to manipulate children in order to make children blame themselves.

People abused as children may blame themselves because an abuser has convinced them it was their fault.

If their abuser told them such things, they generally did so only as part of their plan to transfer responsibility and guilt to the one abused. Abusers know that if they make a child take on responsibility, it will make the child less likely to tell anyone and improve the abuser’s chances of avoiding being caught and/or facing consequences. You were not abused because you were “bad.” You were abused because they were an abuser and trying to justify their abusive behaviours. Abusive adults find ways to emotionally manipulate children such as making them feel they are unlovable or deserve whatever abuse they receive - this is not a child’s fault at all. Abusers know how to exert power and pressure on children and make those children believe there are very good reasons to stay quiet. No matter what reason an abuser may give, the only one to blame is the abuser.

A child may blame themselves because they did not tell anyone, but there are many valid reasons a child would not tell.

It may seem easy, as an adult, to look back at your childhood and think, “I should have told someone.” But the reality is that it is not so easy when someone is only a child. (And even in cases where someone is not a child, this can be unimaginably difficult.) A child may not have told someone about abuse because they were threatened. The child may have felt no one would believe them. If they felt like no one listened to them about other subjects, it might feel very unlikely that people in their lives would believe them if they accused an adult of terrible actions. The child may have been conditioned by their abuser to see their abuse as normal. If they thought what was happening to them was nothing unusual, they may have seen no reason to talk to others about it. The child may be convinced that they would be in trouble for the abuse that was happening to them and worry for the consequences.

The child may not have understood what was happening to them. They may not be aware it was abuse. If this was the case, they may have had no idea how to put it into words in order to tell someone. The child may think it's okay for parents to say whatever they want to them. The child may have felt ashamed of what happened to them. Particularly if their abuser told them it was “dirty” or they had heard about someone else being bad for doing something which seemed similar to what the child went through, they might feel they shouldn’t tell anyone about it. Related to this, the child may have been convinced, by their abuser or by being told they are “bad” for other reasons, that they deserved their abuse. This is particularly true if that abuse was framed as “punishment.”

Even for an adult going through abuse, reasons such as these can be very convincing. As a child, it can be even more difficult to decide to go against such reasons and tell someone about abuse, because it is harder to have the knowledge and understanding that allows a person to disprove these reasons.

Many children feel they are to blame because they let abuse continue over more than one incident. While it is easy to look back and say, “I could have stopped things after the first time,” the truth is that abusers have the power in an abusive dynamic, especially when they are an adult abusing a child. Most children feel very little power to stop the abuse in such a situation, and their abusers manipulate things to make them feel more powerless. Even if a child feels like there is something they could have done or their abuser told them they just needed to behave better, the truth is that they had very little if any power to stop things. If a child “behaved better,” and their abuser wanted to abuse them, they would find a way to say the child still “misbehaved” or find some other excuse to abuse them.

In cases of sexual abuse, there are other reasons a child may blame themselves.

When a child is sexually abused, that abuse may not feel entirely unpleasant. They may have enjoyed the “special attention” because it made them feel important. Every child needs love and attention, and to feel special, and abusers know how to use this to take advantage of children to get what the abusers want. The child may be convinced that this is a way they are shown love. The child may have experienced arousal or physical pleasure during the abuse, and believe this means they wanted it to happen - but these are physical reactions and do not at all mean it was wanted or is okay.

In some cases, they may have thought or even said they wanted it. Children are not mentally or emotionally ready for a sexual relationship and adults should be mature enough to understand that and should decline any such “offer.” Instead, abusers take advantage of children in these situations.

A child being sexually abused may be convinced that if they tell someone, they will be the ones in trouble. They may feel ashamed or any number of things.

There are many reasons a child may blame themselves for their abuse. This is not even close to an exhaustive list. A child may blame themselves because they didn’t say “no” or didn’t say it “enough,” or feel they didn’t fight hard enough, or acted submissively, or did things to try to please their abuser. None of these actions means the child was in any way, “asking for,” or condoning their abuse. They were trying to find whatever way they could to make their abuse stop or make it not as severe, or at the least survive it. A child who is being abused has very little if any power over the situation, and it is not wrong or shameful or in any way wrong of them to have done what they could to survive.

No matter what your reasons might be for blaming yourself, your abuse was not your fault. The only one who should be blamed for your abuse is your abuser. No matter what they or anyone else might have said, there is never an excuse to abuse a child. And there was no reason, explanation, justification, argument or excuse that would make your abuse okay or make you to blame for it.

It was not your fault. It was never your fault. I promise.

[hetafice]

Hi! Could I request the allies with an overworked s/o? Thanks!

hi! as usual reply is beneath the cut.

America:

It could go one of two ways with Alfred.

Alfred’s solution to the problem may just be to have you quit your job and find a new one.

As someone who gets paid to occasionally loaf off, he might not understand whatever incentivized you to stay at a job you weren’t completely in love with. In his eyes, if your job is too boring or too hard, just leave!

And should you try to explain that you do enjoy your job, just not the overbearing workload, he would be at even more of a loss. 

Another possibility is that you both end up being overworked together and forming a sort of late-night ritual where you work side by side. Sometimes talking, sometimes complaining, sometimes eating, sometimes sitting in comfortable silence as you both hustle to meet a deadline.

Although he is free by nature, Alfred is also keenly aware of just how constraining responsibility can be. To complete his duties to the fullest, he can also lose himself in pursuit of perfection. As someone who’s constantly moving the goalpost for himself, it’s sometimes difficult for him to slow down, to pace himself. As such instead of encouraging you to leave a situation that does not suit you, he might instead choose to remind you of your commitments and why you chose them in the first place.

He isn’t a complete robot, however. He understands the toll that hard work and sacrifice bring, so he’ll try and do something nice to take your mind off of things. It would likely involve one of his favourite coping mechanisms - food. Expect him to either drop food in front of you while you work at random increments or to be pushed into the car and accompany him to the closest fast food drive-in window.

Russia:

To Ivan, there is no such thing as success without a little bit of blood, sweat, and tears. While he may sympathize with you on some level, he believes that struggle is a necessary part of working hard and actualizing one’s dreams; and that to aid someone along the way is just to coddle them. 

On one level, you are someone he deeply cares for, and so he does not wish for you to suffer. However, he also knows from personal experience that without learning the lessons that come out of hard work, you are likely to take things for granted and make simple mistakes in the process of completing your goals. To help you at all would teach you that weakness can still beget success, which would not only then inspire weakness in your future endeavours and prime you for failure, but also place a massive target on your back.

In his eyes, weakness of any kind is ripe for exploitation and is to be avoided at all costs.

Besides, given his history, he knows that people can get pushed and pulled far beyond their limits before they break, so consider this a sort of litmus test. How far can you be pushed before you can’t take anymore? Where do your limits actually lie?

Canada:

Matthew has likely experienced the same things before and is naturally empathetic, so he is a great person to confide in in this scenario.

He would try his utmost best to ease your burdens in whatever capacity he could. If you were busy with work or school, he would compensate for that by doing most, if not all the work around the house. He would check up on you throughout the day to see if you need help with any tasks or even just a general morale boost.

He is more than happy to lend a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on. His advice is usually pretty sound, and he could help you think of ways to better organize your time and/or minimize your workload. If that isn’t an option he could offer various mindfulness and wellness tips to help you keep sane until your workload naturally tapers off.

China:

With his work ethic and general philosophy on life, Yao would push you to be stronger, go harder, and do more. 

In his eyes, hard work is a unanimously good thing. If you are feeling overworked it means you're just coming closer to another limitation that can be surpassed. You may be dealing with uncomfortable feelings, but this discomfort will teach you a lesson and lead to character growth. What bad has ever come of that?

To be completely honest, he may very well be the one overworking you. 

If you are enduring mistreatment in the workplace, or it looks like things may be too much for you, he may try to offer a few words of advice. He would propose that the knowledge this experience would give you was well worth all the struggle, that it would likely aid in cultivating your character, and that you shouldn’t let an opportunity like this slip through your fingers; or worse yet, quit right before the finish line.

Should your body start to take a toll from the overwork, he would offer reminders to take care of your health, but his general stance would not change. Yao is not the type to intervene when things like duty and honor are concerned.

France:

Francis would not understand why you would willingly put yourself through this.

If it’s getting to be too much, why not just leave your responsibilities behind? If your superiors are giving you too many assignments, why not raise hell about it? Meekly sitting in silence is doing nothing to help the problem, and only teaches others that they can walk all over you. Why not just take a few weeks of leave and lounge around with him?

If for some reason, the prospect of potentially missing out on opportunities in favour of spending uninterrupted time with this man is not your style (shocking, I know), he would support you in your endeavours and try his best to help you unwind at the end of every day. He would make sure you ate regularly and continued to sleep well, while also providing you with as much wine as you needed to get you through it.

England:

As he has matured, Arthur has gotten better at consoling people. With that being said, he’s still not the best at it.

Expect an awkward, albeit endearing pep talk coupled with a bit of well-intentioned advice.

He may not be the best with words, but he’s the most concerned when he sees signs of physical exhaustion in you. Despite finding it a bit awkward to voice his concern for you, he’s seemingly always nearby with a cup of tea for you and refuses to head to bed unless he knows you are right behind him.

He’s more than willing to accompany you on those restless nights. Sitting beside you, either reading a book or getting ahead on a few of his assignments. He still remembers his younger days when he frequently worked late into the night. At the time, he secretly wished for a companion, and so now he happily fulfills that same role for you. 

A part of him also feels less worried knowing that should things go on for too long, he can step in and stop you before you work yourself too hard.

[pinkworldone]

When you like girls/boys that are short

Yandere(?) Genshin Impact x reader

characters from:

part 1 contain:

Mondstadt: Rosaria, Amber, Kaeya, Albedo

Liyue:, Shenhe, Xiangling, Zhongli, Xiao

part 2:

Inazuma: Ayato, Thoma, Gorou, Kazuha, Raiden Ei, Kuki Shinobu, Yae Miko, Heizou

Part 3, because this is too long. I will post the sort 3 soon!

Sumeru: Tighnari, Cyno, Alhaitham,

Thank you, @nervousdelusionballoon, for letting me use the idea!!

Thoma

To be honest, he had been developing this crush for a long time, just waiting for a good moment to say his real feelings. However, Thoma was still a little shy about it, so it would still take a while. One of your best moments was when you would visit him at lunch or in your free time to ramble about your day, complaining and sometimes telling stories from one of the novels you had read. There was this specific novel where you said you were attracted to the appearance of the secondary character, so Thoma saw the perfect opportunity to find out your type of man! Wow, could it be him? Could it be a person similar to him?!

"He's short and very cute..!" his smile almost fell when he heard those words, did height really matter to you? His heart hurt a little more when you mentioned Detective Heizou! He was a difficult person to deal with and live with, how did you like him? Was it the flirting? Wait, he flirted with you?! Thoma felt hurt knowing that he didn't meet his standards and there was no way to change that, he simply couldn't change his own height and drastic measures weren't one of the best ideas, of course no one would suspect someone so kind and nice, even more so knowing the reputation he created. So why not use that impeccable reputation to get away from Heizou? Maybe telling you some bad things about him might make you change your mind...

Ayato

The conversations with you were so fun, you being an incredible companion and helper, so kind, how could he not fall in love with someone as wonderful as you? So hearing you mention your type in one of these conversations really caught his attention, you were with Ayaka talking once again, saying how general Gorou was so strong and cute in your vision, Ayaka was smiling a little behind her fan, she was aware of the passion Ayato felt, so she tried to help him by telling him how amazing her brother was too. However, you didn't even consider reconsidering, giving passionate smiles as you talked about Gorou.

And the thought that you liked Gorou more because of something as... simple as his height wasn't entering his mind! Maybe if he put a little more work for you, would be enough to make him give up on trying to meet Gorou? Ayato was thinking about this, thinking about letting him drown in work just so he could be his great savior and help him, monopolizing his time just for him and his dear sister Ayaka!

Surprisingly, you hadn't been able to meet Gorou much recently and when you did, he was extremely formal and treated you like an extremely important member of the Yashiro Commission, maybe spreading the little gossip that you were Ayato's partner helped...

Yae Miko

This woman has been a pure tease since you were in the Sanctuary, such teasing would triple when she laid her passionate eyes on you, taking advantage of your status and letting you have more tasks around her. Buying you food and having lunch by your side, even taking you for a walk even when you need to work. Yae Miko believed that she had already won his heart, his love... entirely for herself!

So hearing you vent to her about your crush on Kuki Shinobu made her observe reality but not accept it, so was it Kuki's height that was attractive to you? Interestingly, she will tease you about it until you can't bear it, making you think about how stupid your thinking is and that you shouldn't let yourself be carried away by appearances, saying that you weren't like that before, caring so much about the appearance of your loved one.

Yae Miko would increase her work a little too and when Kuki showed up, she would take you to another location and talk to you with a smile. You already belong to it, how have you not seen this yet? Everyone knew not to even look at the woman's toy and cute lover, she made sure Kuki knew this too, so his relationship with her would be completely non-existent

Raiden Ei

She is not affectionate and does not show her emotions often, however, everyone in Inazuma can see the change in the Archon's behavior, the words of concern she says to you and the way she looks at you, all so passionate. Many think that you are just Ei's favorite person, someone she adores very much and who is extremely loved and well cared for by her.

You were walking next to her, watching the new novels that had been released and tasting the tastiest sweets, until a certain swordsman passed by you and greeted you with a smile, all your shyness and embarrassment hit you at once. What happened left Raiden quite confused, she waited for Kazuha to leave you alone, asking what had happened to you... Why were your actions so strange? You would shyly say that you liked him because he was short, it didn't affect you that much, what really affected the Archon was the fact that Kazuha was a man.

"So... you like men..?" She asked with a somewhat stoic face, a certain concern of the answer that would come.

"No, I think I really like short people! They're so cute"

Raiden was a little relieved until he thought again, she is a tall woman and not short, does that mean she doesn't fit his standards?! And why is she so worried about this? She is the Archon, a Goddess who has defeated thousands, so why does the mere thought of not fitting into her standards hit her with such force and pain? Maybe she needed to get rid of a certain someone to get his affection, his attention, after all, no one would question an Archon's orders.

[l33bang24]

OMG It’s You…(Part 7)

YouTube!Fem reader x Stray Kids

Summary: Y/N’s YouTube channel is taking off after her reactions to Stray Kids MV God’s Menu. Now she’s making videos nonstop along with working a full time job. What would happen if she got offered a job of a lifetime and met the boys of her succession?

⚠️Warnings⚠️:Arguing,Chan having dark thoughts, thoughts of killing himself, not feeling good enough, Lee Know teasing reader😏 (let me know if I missed anything)

🏷️: @laylasbunbunny @weirdowithaphone @silverstarburst @jusanontstuff @anxiousskylar @drewsandsebastianswife @amararosesblog @niaalove (Taglist open)

(A/N: 🚨🚨🚨ATTENTION 🚨🚨🚨: All text messages are at the bottom of the post. Since Tumblr will not let me post this THE WAY I WANT TO. I have to do it this way. I will put a () to indicate where the text messages is SUPPOSED TO BE so you can scroll down to look at them. (I’m fine. I’m cool){I’M NOT FINE} Happy reading!)

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 2.5 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 6.5 Chapter 8 Chapter 9

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Third Person POV

After watching Y/N's video, Changbin turned to his leader, their expressions reflecting a mix of emotions. “Wait, so it's true? You never liked her from the beginning. Is that why you always avoided talking about her? Were you jealous of someone being similar to you?” All eyes are on Chan and in this moment he wishes the floor beneath him would open up and swallow him. “Didn't you like her from the start? You mentioned how much you appreciated her motherly demeanor.” Hyunjin is the next one to speak up. It’s like every word he wants to say withers on his tongue. A few of the younger members are shaking their heads, while one in particular is gazing intently at his Hyung.

"I thought you promised not to bring that up in your letter to her," Felix said, eyes fixed on him. "What's going on? Did you know he never really liked her all this time?" Han blurted out, clearly shocked by the unfolding drama.

“He told me everything, from the start-up to now. When I had last spoken to him he told me he wasn’t going to put that in the letter.” He pivots back to his Leader. "What's different?" All eyes snap back to him. “I decided to be completely honest with her. She always valued honesty over anything else, and I knew she would prefer me to be upfront rather than lie or hide the truth. I was fully aware that it might not be well-received.” His gaze returns to the screen, where Y/N's smile shines through.

"It's hard to believe that she can forgive me for what I've done. I feel terrible knowing that I've caused her pain. It's especially painful to realize that she held onto Wolf Chan as if her life depended on it. And now, I've shattered the trust she had in me. All because I let my jealousy get the best of me over a girl that Stays couldn't stop talking about. I see now that they were just trying to share the story of a fan who loves and supports us, but I twisted it into an emotion that I never should have felt." He looks down at his hands, feeling regretful.

“I was aware of the potential risks when I wrote that letter. I knew that if she decided to share it publicly, there might be people who would criticize me for expressing my thoughts. Nevertheless, she bravely asked her audience not to react with hate towards me.”

As he looks back at his team, he's greeted with a mix of emotions. One person, in particular, has been quiet throughout. It's difficult to believe that his leader has been feeling jealous of Y/N. "I didn't confide in any of you because I know how much you all care about her. Maybe I should have."

"Maybe you should have," Lee Know's words hung in the air, capturing everyone's attention. "I thought you liked her, but now I don't know what to believe. How long did you not like her before you started liking her?" All eyes turned to their Hyung, waiting for an answer.

Anticipation hung in the air as everyone waited for their leader's response. Finally, the answer came: “Six months.”

"SIX MONTHS?!" Changbin and Han exclaimed in unison. Their leader nodded solemnly. All the boys shook their heads in disbelief. "Chan Hyung," the hyung in question looked at his Maknae. "I think I can speak for everyone here when I say we expected better from you. We've always looked to you for guidance, and the one time we were looking forward to something, you go and ruin it with a letter. I hope you're happy." I.N. stood up to leave, and the rest of the group followed suit, leaving only two people behind.

Chan was bracing himself for the inevitable and was ready to bear the weight of the shame and guilt directed at him. Lee Know struggled to contain his anger, but as he sat in the presence of his Hyung, his rage only intensified. He hurriedly got up and distanced himself from Chan. The only person left was Chan's Aussie brother.

Despite feeling upset about his leader’s behavior, Felix chose not to hold any grudges against him. He understands that everyone experiences emotions differently and believes in showing compassion towards others. “They’ll come around.” Chan's mind was lost when a sudden voice made him jump. “Lee Know, probably not so much, but the others will come around. They’re just appalled that not only did you lie, but you kept this from them.”

Chan remained silent, and Felix hadn't anticipated a response. As Felix departed, Chan was left in solitude with his tumultuous thoughts, reminiscent of his early days as a trainee. It had been a while since Chan had been alone with his thoughts in such a disquieting manner. ‘Why didn't I open up to my members about my feelings? Why did I let others' opinions affect me? And why did I confess to the one person I was excited to meet that I couldn't stand her?’ The negative thoughts continued to spiral out of control. ‘You were never fit to be a leader. You lost all the trust you’ve earned over a girl because you got jealous. You should have killed yourself when you had the chance.’ Chan's phone suddenly rings with an unfamiliar number. Without hesitation, he slides the button and answers.

“Hello?”

“I was wondering if you were still alive.” That voice. It’s the same voice as the one they just heard. Chan had forgotten he had left his number for her in case she wanted to talk. He didn’t expect her to call so soon. Any negative thoughts he had vanished, replaced by a rush of anxiety.

“Chris? Are you there?” Realizing he hadn’t responded, he finally replied.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m here. I just, uh, forgot that I left my number for you. I didn’t expect you to call this soon.” Y/N's laughter on the other end causes Chan's heart to race excitedly.

“Well, I didn’t expect to get a phone number anyway.” She hesitates, and Chan instinctively holds his breath, anticipating the impending strike.

“You have such a natural talent with words. Has anyone ever told you that?” Chan takes a deep breath and slowly shuts his eyes.

"I debated whether to tell you, but I know you appreciate honesty," Y/N nodded, even though he couldn't see her.

“I understand. I didn't anticipate one of my Biases feeling jealous of me. I'm sure the Stays didn't intend to contribute, but their actions may have unknowingly affected the situation.”

"I'm realizing that I made a mistake. I didn't understand what Stays was trying to convey. It felt like they were belittling me and praising you. But I now see that wasn't the intention at all. I regret feeling that way towards you when you've done nothing wrong. I'm truly sorry, Y/N." She heard sniffles on the other end and immediately sprang into action.

“No, Chan, please don’t get upset. I’m not mad, okay? Confused definitely but I’m not mad or angry at you. Please don’t cry. I don’t want you crying over something like this. It’s not worth it.” It almost seemed like nothing she was telling him worked. She felt like she only had one other option.

What if we rewrite the stars?

Say you were made to be mine

Nothing could keep us apart

You’d be the one I was meant to find

Chan's tears cease as he listens to a beautiful voice singing - it's Y/N. Her singing, one of his favorite songs, fills him with courage, and he joins in.

It’s up to you and it’s up to me

No one can say what we get to be

So why don’t we rewrite the stars?

Maybe the world could be ours tonight

They finished the song together, and Chan felt a weight lift off his shoulders. For a brief moment, he almost forgot why he was upset. Just as he started to sink back into that dark place, Y/N spoke up.

“I want you to know that you're not alone, Chan. I understand that your boys may be upset with you right now, but I believe they'll come around.” He scuffs lightly.

“You’re starting to sound like Felix.”

"Just know that we can both work through this together. We're in different time zones, but I'm here for you. If I can't respond immediately, I promise to reply as soon as possible. Don't let negative thoughts take over, Chris. You have the strength to conquer them. I'll be your cheerleader, rooting for you every step of the way." Chan's laughter fills the room for the first time in a while.

“Are you going to wear a uniform when you’re cheering for me?” He teases her.

“I don't have one, but I’ll make sure to go buy one just for you.”

(First three pics of Chan)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As time passed, they kept in touch as much as possible. Gradually, his members started to come back around, realizing that their leader had his shortcomings and felt awful after they walked out. However, one person still kept their distance from him: Lee Know.

Chan anticipated this situation, but he felt unsure how to handle it. He pondered whether he should address the issue at all. Eventually, Chan resolved to converse with his mischievous bunny, Minho. However, he promised himself he wouldn't press the issue if Minho were unwilling to talk.

(Last two pics of Chan)

Guess what? Lee Know was doing better than expected. Lee Minho was doing more than okay - he was doing great!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After turning off her camera, Y/N returned to the items the boys had given her. To her surprise, instead of just one phone number, she had received two of them – one from Chan and one from Minho. The realization made her heart flutter with happiness. Y/N prided herself on not holding grudges against people, significantly if they had never wronged her. While it had been painful to read Chan's letter, she tried to empathize with his perspective. She couldn't fully comprehend his actions but could at least grasp what might have transpired.

She couldn't shake the feeling that the boys might be unaware of Chan's true feelings. She hoped they wouldn't be too harsh on him. She also worried about the fans lashing out at him for speaking his mind. After sorting through all the packages and organizing them into piles for upcoming videos, she decided to text both boys or at least she thought she did.

She debated whether to text or call and whether to contact one or both. After half an hour, she chose to call Chan. She was worried about him, and her concerns were justified. She wished she could be there to comfort him. When he started crying and couldn't console him, she decided to sing to lift his spirits. At that moment, her singing ability didn't matter; what mattered was helping him.

After speaking with Chan, she made up her mind to text Minho. She pondered whether they were both aware of sharing their numbers with her or if it was a mutual decision. The tone of Chan's voice suggested that Lee Know was taking it the hardest.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She didn't hear from him until the next day after waking up. She smiled and sent a reply. (First two of Minho) They would text each other about what she was up to and what he was cooking for dinner. He even started sending her pictures of the delicious food he makes and his adorable kids. (Last three of Minho) He was on the verge of forgetting why he was furious with Hyung until she casually mentioned him during their phone conversation.

“I’ve meant to ask you this for a while, but I keep forgetting.” He smiles as he listens to the sound of her voice.

“Go on. Ask me whatever you want to know.”

“How’s Chan been doing? I haven’t heard you mention anything about him since I first contacted you.” Lee Know froze and blinked rapidly, feeling overwhelmed and anxious.

“I don’t know. Haven’t talked to him recently.” His words came out stiffly. From her recent chat with the leader, Y/N knew he hadn't approached Chan yet. She didn't want to pressure Minho to speak with Chan, but she also couldn't let things stay as they were.

"Okay, I was just concerned. I didn't know if something had happened. That's why I asked." She says in a gentle tone. Lee Know let out a heavy sigh, and she sensed his unease.

“Minho? Is everything okay?”

“No, it’s not okay.”

“What’s wrong? You’re not hurt or anything, right?” He smiles at her, worrying.

“I'm alright, but the group disagreed, and things haven't been the same since.”

“What's the story? If it's too personal, feel free to keep it to yourself.” Lee Know felt a strong desire to kiss Y/N. He would have acted on it if it weren't for the distance between them.

“It happened because of you.”

“Me?! Why me?!” He proceeded to describe what happened after they finished watching the video. He talked about how he stormed out in anger, feeling the urge to punch Chan Hyung but managing to restrain himself. Instead, he released his frustration on a punching bag.

“Everyone else has made up with him, but I haven’t.”

“What’s stopping you?” He struggled to answer that one question. His frustration would bubble up again whenever he tried to think about it.

“A lot of things. That’s all I’m going to say about it.”

“Alright, I hope I'm not prying, but I want to ensure you guys don't end up falling out.” She pauses before continuing, “I understand this may be difficult to hear, but sometimes issues like this don't resolve independently. Having an open conversation with Chan and expressing your feelings might be necessary. I know how much you care about Chan, and I'm sure whatever occurred has strained your relationship. It would be best to address this before it becomes even more difficult to fix. Just a little advice from someone who cares about you.” Lee Know's face lights up with a subtle smile. “You're under no obligation to take my advice, but addressing the issue now might be more beneficial than putting it off.”

Lee Know was sitting on his bed, wrestling with whether to approach Chan or put it off for another day. He appreciated Y/N's efforts to mend things, even though it wasn't her issue to fix. He didn't want to dismiss her good intentions, but deep down, he knew she was right. With the Maniac comeback in full swing, it was essential for them to reconcile and move ahead together.

Lee Know finally decides to take action so they can both concentrate on what's important. As Lee Know strides towards the door and reaches for the knob, he is taken aback to find his Leader standing there, hand poised to knock. They lock eyes, and Chan slowly lowers his hand. "Hey, I was just coming to see if you wanted to talk."

[midhevn]

Okay so this is going to be really long because I am surrounded by so many people with their luminaries in my 8h, and that means i should have a pretty good understanding of it by now (right?) lol so buckle in…We're digging into 8h moon synastry.

The 8th house represents feelings and resources shared or gained through others, so it can be a very projective house, especially when the moon is involved as the moon reflects. With the 2nd house you are your own individual. You have your own needs, you accumulate your own personal wealth and resources, and you have morals and values that pertain to your own personal experiences and views on life. With its opposing house being the 8th, now you have to consider what other people's needs, resources, and values are on top of your own. There's mutuality in this house which is why I don't believe in the who feels what more bs. Both people play a part in the relationship and are as equally as involved.

Moon person’s emotions heavily impact the house person; they’re incredibly reactive to the moon person’s energy; like a knee jolt. If the moon person is affected by something, the house person is as well, and vice versa. The house person’s response to the moon person’s feelings is what will impact the moon person. Both people pull vulnerability out of each other. Usually its the moon person first, and then the house person reciprocates. The moon person senses that the house person has depth and dimensions to them, or that there's more to them than what they express on the surface which makes it comfortable for them to express their more emotional and vulnerable sides. Moon person can draw a lot of deep repressed emotions out of the house person as well. The moon is a luminary, it illuminates.

The best thing this connection can do when someone's moon is in the other's 8h is to strengthen their emotional bond and communication. If the moon person is doing all the emotional labor in this connection, they can feel closed off by the house person which makes them retract back into themselves. If the house person is highly guarded or lacks standard self awareness of what their insecurities, fears, what holds them back are, they can feel "exposed" or "naked" when the moon person is around them because the moon person can naturally sense the house person’s vulnerabilities.

The 8th house is very complex and depending on who you speak to, its themes may vary. I consider this house to be a very private house, especially if the natal 8th ruler goes into its own house, the 4th, or the 12th. It's the things about ourselves we don't really want other people seeing, or that we feel ashamed, or embarrassed of. We simply choose to shove away the things that are brought out in the 8h, until we simply can't anymore, which usually happens when someone significant enters our lives. It is the house person's choice to keep hiding parts of themselves keeping up a façade, to abandon a connection all together because of how difficult it is, or to persist anyways and allow someone in despite their fears, denials, insecurities, and doubts they have about themselves. This connection can make the 8th house person question their morality big time.

The sign of the 8h can represent the energy that one experiences a lot, but chooses to keep hidden from others, or feels like that part of themselves is repressed. The 8th house naturally quincunxes the 1st which is the self. There's a barrier between the energy of both signs involved causing its flow to be somewhat offbeat or irregular. When someone activates our 8h and we're not ready for something that is deep and real, the house person will do everything to keep what they perceive to be their "mess" under the wraps, but the thing is they really can't. The moon person is standing in the middle of it all. This is where the 8th greets the 1st causing the house person to become aware of these self limitations that were established in order to transform them (if they choose to). The planet person naturally expresses the energy of that sign that you deeply struggle with expressing and is here to show you that its not all that bad.

Now, the outcome of the relationship depends on multiple factors: the sign of the house and moon, rulerships, and what aspects a person’s moon has, and what aspects the moon is making to to the house person's planets, bc if their moon is conjunct uranus or saturn for example, it’s gonna manifest completely different from someone whos moon is conjunct jupiter or venus, or even from someone who has little to no moon aspects. Finding out what house is moon ruled in the moon person’s chart will greatly clarify the energy that person is bringing into your 8h. Example, my best friend has a 2h moon conjunct uranus. Their 7h is moon ruled. They’re bringing 2h and 7h topics into my 8th. They are very generous and supportive towards me, (and somewhat possessive which often happens with 8h moon synastry), and I don't feel deserving of it at times, but this is the point! It's going to bring out insecurities, vulnerabilities, and fears in order to get you to change your perspective or transform yourself in some way.

The first time I was aware of someone’s moon being in my 8th was someone I felt completely tethered to, but that’s what it does. It makes both people feel almost like there’s an obligation to be in each other's lives, and to stick it through the ugly and bad IF they're mature enough and willing to put in effort (at the time of the relationship, I was definitely not ready). Everyone whos had their moon in my 8th, I've wanted to protect, and I feel like everyone who's moon has been in my 8h have been very protective of me.

The 8th house person will immediately feel attraction to the moon person, and later down that line, the attraction will either intensify over time, or fester depending on how well the person handles their own 8th house energy. This relationship is not going to be easy whatsoever. Being around the moon person can easily be very triggering to the house person which can make them run for the hills if they become overwhelmed by the moon person's probing energy (i'm guilty of this), and the moon person can become discontent towards the house person for how they handle the themes of the 8h.

Both the moon and house person can be at risk of becoming overly obsessive, codependent, controlling, or just plain outright unhealthy about the dynamic. There's a huge fear of losing each other, but the tighter they hold onto each other, the more difficult the relationship becomes. You want to be in each other's presence 24/7 because of how seen you both feel in the connection and how good it feels, until you don't. You entered the relationship as 2 separate individuals, and you must try to keep it that way, respect each other's autonomy, and learn to have common ground.

A reoccurring thing I've observed with this configuration that has rang true to me is that the moon person tries really hard to be seen by the house person. Both people do, but the house person is more subtle about it. They want acknowledgement, or want to get a reaction/response out of the other. Both people may or may not be aware of this and could intentionally/unintentionally ignore the other's gestures, which creates a sense of despondency, especially on the moon person's end. The moon needs reciprocation from the house person in order to feel secure.

This has the potential to pull out the most displeasing human qualities in one another, depending on multiple factors: where both people are on their own personal journey, how they navigate their emotional body, how well they handle the intensity of the connection, the aspects involved, and whether or not the 8h person natally has planets in this house. There can be manipulations, power-plays, coercion, and other boundary crossing dynamics that can easily wound and scorch both individuals. The moon is possessive of the house person’s energy, whereas the house person is possessive of the literal person. This relationship can go from being all consuming lovers where you can’t imagine living without the other, to completely loathing each other in a drop of a hat in worst case scenarios.

Let me know if any of this rang true to you!

[pearwaldorf]

I have been trying to write this on and off for a while. I figure the second anniversary of the show is as fine an occasion as any to shove it out into the world. It is not everything I want to say about it, but I think the important bits are there.

It is a human impulse to be seen. To be told, through art, you are not alone. It is universal, but of special importance to people who are not well-represented in media (i.e. everybody who isn’t cis, white, able-bodied, skinny, and conventionally attractive).   

This show speaks to me as a queer person who figured things out later than most of my peers. (Not quite as late as Ed and Stede but not terribly far off either.) It’s not super common to see queer media address this, and I didn’t realize how much I needed that reassurance until I got it. That it’s okay to find these things any time in your life. To be told “A queer is never late, they’re always fashionably on-time.” 

They’re not my first canon queer ship. But they are the first ones where I knew it was true from the get-go. Multiple people assured me this was the case. And yet, I still didn’t believe it until I saw it with my own two eyes. This experience is not unusual for fans around my age.  

After I finished up season one, I laid in bed and cried. It’s not something I thought would affect me so much, but it feels like a weight I’d carried so long I didn’t realize it wasn’t supposed to be part of me is gone.

One of the reasons people unfamiliar with the fandom seem to think it’s absolutely crazy (which some of it is, to be fair, but every fandom has that) is the way fans of the show get extremely super intense about it. It took me a few weeks to realize this is a trauma response. I’m not even sure “trauma” is the right word. It doesn’t interfere with my day to day function, but it lasted for years. Decades. So it was definitely something that fucked me up. And in the way you can only start to see something as you’re moving past it, I’ve spent a lot of time trying to get my head around this. (I don’t know if I have anything to say about it yet. Maybe I need more time to sit with it.)

I know this sounds contrary, but I’m really glad David Jenkins does not come from fandom. Sometimes it’s good to know where a line is, and others it’s better to not know there’s a line at all. And this is, sad to say, remarkable to somebody who has had to deal with this for so long. With so many writers and showrunners aware of the line, and getting right up next to it, but never crossing it.

Imagine doing a show with a queer romance and not understanding why this was received with such emotion and fervor, because it’s just two people in love right? What blissful ignorance that this needed to be explained to him! And then he listened to people’s experiences with queerbaiting, and went “Oh my god you thought I was going to do WHAT?” And then you go “Huh. That is really fucked up.” 

The problem with being told something enough, even though you know it’s wrong, is you start to believe it regardless. All the excuses and hedging. It’s so very difficult to do they tell us, when we hear from queer creators how they had fight tooth and nail to make it as gay as it already was. 

And then comes Jenks, just yeeting it out there: majority queer and (not and/or. and) POC cast, an openly non-binary person playing an openly non-binary character. The ability to not have to make one queer (and/or) POC character speak for everybody, so you can inject a tiny bit of nuance into the conversation. The way you can tell more kinds of stories, like the one where the smol angry internalized homophobe comes into his own with the support of a queer community, even though he was a giant fucking asshole to them before.

So many people were like “You can just DO that? It’s really that easy?” And wasn’t that a fucking Situation, to have that curtain pulled aside. What next? Majority POC casts with stories about POC written by POC? Absolute madness. (Please please watch The Brothers Sun on Netflix. It’s so fucking good.) 

And people will scoff and say “Of course a cishet(?) white man would be able to get this pushed through.” But do they usually? The thing I don’t think people understand about allies is they use their privilege to wedge the door open. You still have to do the work to get through, but at least you have a place to start. And it really fucking matters.

The press keeps trying to tell me The Completely Made-Up Adventures of Dick Turpin is the OFMD substitute we need while we float in the gravy basket. I’m sure it’s a perfectly fine show, but I don’t know who has watched OFMD and decided the itch we needed scratched was anachronistic historical comedy.

I want stories written by people that reflect their lived experiences, with actors and crew committed to bringing that to life. And I would like streamers and studios to commit to giving them a chance, and marketing them properly so people know they exist. 

You can keep people satisficed with scraps for only so long. At some point, somebody is going to give them a whole seven course dinner and people will wonder why they’ve been putting up with starving this entire time.